#also like yes we are all aware by now that her last name is stereotypically german you guys you can stop with the supposed callout posts

[jacksgreysays]

Primadonna Girl (sounds through the earth and skies), (2024-03-23)

For some lighter bleak!primadonna AU brainrot (ah, the juxtaposition) I present to you the following:

~

Primadonna Girl (fills the void up with celluloid)

~

There is a castle on fire. An unsettling number of civilians, slightly singed but otherwise unharmed, are staring at them. The mayor—who called them here in the first place—is cursing them out from his tied up position on the ground, fake monster costume in pieces around him.

Isahiko is trying to settle the crowd with mixed success—they are, perhaps, only calming down because he seems to be increasingly more nervous as the danger dissipates—while Kazuto grins widely, chattering at their indulgent client with an unwarranted air of accomplishment. In contrast, Kumayoshi silently meets eyes with Kako Heijo’s manager and tries not to consider how much trouble they’re all going to be when they head back to Konoha.

—

Considering none of them have the corresponding names, they are an almost stereotypical example of the Ino-Shika-Chou arrangement: which is to say, straight down the middle average, no specialized skills pointing them in the direction of any particular department, and only remembered—if they ever are—as a team not as individuals.

Which is fine. None of them are especially ambitious—or, well, not in the way that would make Kazuto’s clan worried—and they would much rather stick together as a run of the mill team of chuunin than be separated…

But it would be nice, sometimes, if the clan heads would stop assigning blame to the three of them when, really, it’s only one person at fault and it’s not like they have any ability to control her when the Hokage couldn’t.

—

Kumayoshi stares at his beer, betrayed. He does not look up to meet the deceptively kind eyes of his clan head, not even when a hand lands on his shoulder, equally deceptively comforting, trusting. Kumayoshi keeps looking at his betrayal beer.

What an honor, said Kumayoshi’s parents, Chouji-sama has invited you for drinks. He wants to talk to you in person. You must have done so well on your last mission.

Kumayoshi did not do well on his last mission. They set a castle on fire on his last mission. They upended the local government in less than a week. Kazuto has developed a worrying fascination with explosions!

“We would appreciate it,” Chouji-sama says, “if you continue to accept mission requests from that particular client.”

We? Oh no, that’s not even an order from the head of his clan alone. That’s from all three heads of the alliance.

“I, personally, would be indebted if you kept her as safe as she will allow you.”

A personal debt from the clan head. Kumayoshi’s parents would be over the moon. They don’t know the cost. They wouldn’t understand. He is a broken man.

Kumayoshi closes his eyes and doesn’t audibly sigh. He nods. “Of course, it would be my honor.”

—

Isahiko cracks almost immediately.

To be fair, Ino-sama’s slit pupil stare is far less kind than Chouji-sama’s.

She also doesn’t bother with the pretense of drinks or the Yamanaka equivalent of it which is to coincidentally share a shift in the greenhouses and have a sideways conversation about something unrelated but which somehow, pointedly, conveys the exact message required.

No, he is not treated so nicely. Instead, Ino-sama summons Isahiko to her office in the depths of T&I and stares at him as he fidgets in the seat across from her. There is a bouquet featuring delphiniums and zinnias on her desk. The smile on her face is simultaneously grim and victorious.

“Okay! Yes, okay! I’ll do it, I promise!” Isahiko yelps, only vaguely aware of what he’s agreeing to, but swearing all the same.

“Thank you,” she says, a rare moment of soft honesty, before she turns to the paperwork on her desk. “You can go now.” She waves a hand dismissively.

Excused, Isahiko scrambles to leave, but before he can reach the door, Ino-sama adds.

“Does your, hmm, what’s his name?” The hum is a lie. The uncertainty is a lie. It’s always mind games with this clan. It’s why he has anxiety. “Does Kazuto still not know who she is?”

Isahiko cringes, this time in embarrassment rather than fear. “No, he does not.”

—

“So I read the report from your last mission,” says Kinokawa to Kazuto. They are in the Nara library viewing room, watching a movie that is mostly explosions. Takatori despairs of them both.

“Pretty rad, right?”

“… you had fun?”

Kazuto doesn’t hesitate. “Hell yeah, man, it’d be cool to work with Kako Heijo again. Did you know she really does her own stunts?”

Kinokawa looks at Kazuto. Kazuto looks back.

“Yes. I did know that.”

“Right, right, you giant fanboy. Hey, if I work with her again, I’ll see if I can get an autograph for your collection.”

“… you’re a good cousin, Kazuto.”

“Yeah, I am.”

—

The next time a mission request comes from the suspiciously blandly named civilian manager of Kako Heijo, the equally blandly named mission desk nin does not put it in the general pool of C-ranks, but instead sets it aside for a team of not particularly memorable, run of the mill chuunin.

~

A/N: I just really wanted to make an “unimpressive” ANY team that Shikako (or, rather, Kako Heijo’s totally a civilian manager) keeps requesting to do, like, the film crew stuff that is too dangerous for actual civilians and I also really wanted the Nara member of the team to not know who she actually was. I like to think that Nara are geniuses in most things and can also be oblivious in equal measure to other things—like Shikako’s lack of awareness of how powerful she is. I also like to think that Kazuto’s explosions are not seal based at all but, like, him trying to manipulate wind and fire natured chakra. Understandably it is less controlled and thus more concerning than to do the same with seals It probably wasn’t clear, but during the mission at the beginning, the mayor had invited Kako Heijo to film at the castle and wanted to do some kind of insurance fraud/crime framing thing, a la Scooby Doo but worse because maybe some dissenting townspeople had been trapped in the basement which was set to explode. This installment is because sometimes even I have to change things up from getting TOO sad/politically charged—although, you know, I’m still going to sprinkle in some hinted politics in my comedy relief.

[teeth-cable]

Heres an issue I've been thinking on that I don't see anyone talking about in them critical space. I wrote a long ass ask to another blog about how Vivziepop sucks at portraying ethnic groups but its was and since your on the topic of Vivziepop FUCKING up basic religions I want to send something more organized and specific. I have an issue as an ethnically Jewish person with Rosie.

I will preface this by stating I am disconnected with my culture but I am trying to reconnect and I am not practicing. I actually would welcome people more connected than me or practitioners to add to this or correct me.

So we know Rosie is supposed to resemble a Jewish mother... I feel gross with that phrasing because there's a lot. Like again I'm disconnected but why did Vivziepop have to specify Jewish Mother? Like this almost feels like a stereotype and the best faith things I could guess is Vivziepop just thinks jews are a religious group or is just ignorant in general. The thing about our religion is that it's mostly closed... Like typically as far as I'm aware you can only practice if you are ethnically Jewish. So she wrote this in an official document highlighting a character specifically being jewish in a way that feels gross.

Another thing is you literally can't have a setting set in hell with Jewish characters because Hell doesn't exist in the Torah (the holy book) like all that stuff that Jesus said contradicts what was already written which is why Jews don't worship or see Jesus as the Messiah. I'm unsure if he is viewed as a prophet or not. I know in Islam he is seen that way.

I forget the name of the afterlife but basically when bad people die they only suffer for a year and everyone goes to the same place.

Also Rosie possibly being Jewish makes no logical sense because to be Jewish your mom has to be and her mother before her. It's a matriarchal aspect though there are a few places that accept patriarchal descent that is a recent thing. Rosie is Hellborn last I checked and sinners can't reproduce with Hellborns so.... How the fuck is she Jewish?

Then her being a cannibal is very off-putting because a lot of people who barely know anything about Judaism know that Jews usually have a specific diet practice. Now not everyone knows the name of it but it's called Kosher. And yes not everyone practices it is still widely known we aren't supposed to like eat stuff that comes from pigs. It's a bit fucked that the only Jewish character is a cannibal... That probably is connected to some anti semitic stereotype somewhere that I'm unaware of since there's a fuck ton.

Also Vivziepop wants an ethinically accurate cast but instead of specifically asking for a jewish actress she mentioned someone who sounds like a jewish mother... What does that even mean?

Like unlike the goblins from the series that must not be named, this reeks of ignorance instead of malice. Especially, since we know Vivziepop absolutely refuses to do research for her shows that require literally more than a 10 minute google search.

Like you can't fully separate an ethnically Jewish character from the religion itself unlike uh a character from Spain can be separated from Christianity. Like our blood and religion are deeply tied together especially as we are being prosecuted throughout history and still managing to survive it all because of it.

Like if you absolutely want a jewish character in Hazbin your gonna need a sensitivity reader and have to make them a sinner.

The character I see get talk about most about antisemitism in Hazbin Hotel is Mimzy and Rosie is just an "Ah-Ha!" moment for critics because her leak bio directly confirmed it. While there can a discussion if Mimzy can technically count as an Jewish stereotype because we don't know if she's Jewish or not, I found Rosie to be more egregious because Viv used the line, "Rosie has a strong presence and confident energy as a Jewish mother." First what is that even supposed to mean? And second by this description Viv see Rosie as a Jewish character and will code her as such.

I think the critics forget Rosie will be a recurring side character in the show which is why we haven't seen many discussions yet about what it means for Rosie's character to be Jewish coded.

I will said Viv's ignorance is getting to a point of malice to me since she very aware of the criticism she gets for characters like Velvette and Alastor and her not doing research and purposely spreading misinformation because of it is icky. Like this woman has to know eventually she can't just keep making up information of POC groups and religions out of nowhere and has to hire someone from those groups to help her. If Viv really did care about researching about these group for good rep she would have consulted with them first. If Viv hired a Jewish person to help her write Rosie, she would have learned about the problems you addressed with Rosie being a Hellborn who is jewish and the weird implications she added like making the only Jewish character into a cannibal. Viv has claimed Hell is supposed to take inspiration from different religions and cultures but that's just not true because Viv's hell is clearly christian inspired with a hint of demonology elements.

I'm unsure how she would even make the idea work in the first place if Christianity's hell is supposed to be the main setting in Hazbin Hotel and Helluva because different religions have different rules and interpretations of Hell, Heaven, and the characters, heck some religions don't even have Heaven and Hell like what we discuss here.

[twtd11]

Tumblr, it is time. It is time for me to tell you about this year’s lesbian hallmark-esque movie from Tello Films. To wit:

A Holiday “I Do”

Much like Christmas at the Ranch, which I talked about last year, this movie is, well, more charming than good. Also like Christmas at the Ranch, it takes place at a horse ranch. Or farm? Or stables? It’s never quite clear except that they make some money from giving riding lessons.

Somehow, as has been pointed out to me, the marketing for this film completely ignores the whole horse aspect of the movie. Maybe because they didn’t want the audience to think it was Christmas at the Ranch 2.0? Which is fair considering that is, in fact, basically what it is. Maybe Tello Films has a hook up with some horse people?

Anyway, we have our lead, Jane. Here’s the sich with Jane: Jane had big career aspirations but she met a boy, thought she fell in love, had a baby, then divorced the boy because she realized she was gay. She and the daughter moved in with mom when Jane’s dad died. I can’t remember the daughter’s name and IMDb isn’t helping me out here, so I’m just going to call her the kid.

The kid likes to say droll, sophisticated, self-aware things that sound exactly like what you expect a kid to sound like in a movie about lesbians made by queer people, but which have no relation to how kids actually talk. Yes, kids can be droll and sophisticated and self-aware, but this kid’s voice was 100% constructed by an adult who maybe hasn’t spent a lot of time around kids. I mean, I haven’t spent a lot of time around kids that age either, but I’m pretty sure they don’t sound like this kid. But still, the kid is funny most of the time, so it kinda works.

Back to the plot:

So Jane is alone and lonely and there’s an obligatory speed dating scene where we meet a bunch of stereotypical lesbians which wants to be funnier than it actually is. She goes home and laments her singlehood. But she can’t lament for too long because Jane’s ex-husband and his new fiancée are about to arrive in town. They’re in town to get married and Jane is in charge of the bachelor party. You see, the ex husband is also Jane’s best friend.

Here’s a question (which is never answered): if the ex-husband’s only connection to this small town is that his ex-wife lives there, why did he choose to have his wedding there? We never get an answer for that question.

After all of that set up, I finally get to introduce the love interest. Her name is Sue, and she’s the lovely couple’s wedding planner!

To facilitate shenanigans, the lovely couple goes off to the airport to pick up the fiancée’s parents and they get stuck there overnight because of the snow. This means that the bride isn’t there to taste the catering and do other things the bride should do before the big day (personally, I’d think you’d want to taste the cake and the catering more than a day before your wedding, but I’ve never gotten married so what do I know?) Jane, who is instantly enamored of Sue, happily fills in as the bride to taste various foods. They get side tracked with sledding and a mid day yoga break (who stops in the middle of their work project and is like, yes, I’ll go to a random yoga class now?).

There are several quirky side characters that play various parts in the plot. Some of them come off better than others. The evil banker who isn’t really evil because we’re undermining that trope, was particularly a stand out for me. She knew her job and she was totally in.

I’ll leave the conflict/climax/resolution to you, dear reader, should you feel the need to spend $7 to rent it. I feel like it was worth my money.

And in another parallel with Christmas at the Ranch, I spent most of the movie wanting the leads to kiss and then when they actually got to this kiss, damn it was awkward.

[officialjuniperdefender]

Honestly I see so much bs on her all the time, I might just write an essay soon on why you shouldn't erase Junipers german heritage or make jokes about it, like, its super serious??? Hello??? Literally so insensitive I saw someone call her "British passing" like WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN. And yeah like shes white and all but it's still important especially considering its a historical piece of media, like, look me in the eyes and tell me a german woman in 1920-1930 england doesn't face struggles.

Smh. Especially since it's rumoured the creator is german.

[lucy90712]

Finding out the gender (pregnancy series)

Authors note: obviously gender isn't biological and I'm aware that this chapter talks about the sex of the baby but conventionally it is called the gender so that's what I'll be referring to it as but that doesn't mean that if you don't identify with you gender that you are invalid because you aren't and I love you all platonically of course. If I say anything you think is wrong please correct me and I'll change the wording. Thanks everyone

Series masterlist

George:

The all exciting appointment is here we get to find out what we are having. George thinks it's a girl but I think we are having a boy because people have told me that I look like I'm having a boy which is a little weird but I trust them, slightly.

We are so excited to find out not that it matters to us but it will be exciting to know so we can buy things for the baby and decorate the nursery. Oh and decide a name I forgot about that part thats so much pressure but also just so exciting.

At the appointment the nurse went through a bunch of things first like looking at how the baby is doing and make sure it is healthy which luckily it was. She was having some trouble seeing the part she needed to but the baby did move a little bit which allowed her to see what we were having.

"Do you guys want to know?" She asked

"Yes please" I responded

"Well congratulations you are having a little girl" she said

I couldn't believe it we were having a little girl and George was right. I should have seen it coming that man is always right for some reason. I looked over at George and his mouth was wide open and a smile was on his face.

"We're having a baby girl oh my gosh thats so exciting" George said

"I know I'm so happy right now" I whispered back not having the voice to talk normally

Dream:

Clay has been bouncing off the walls all day today because we are going to an ultrasound where we should be able to find out the gender of our baby. He has been guessing what he thinks we are having but every other day he changes his mind from boy to girl and today he has finally decided on girl. I have been thinking its a girl for a while but I don't like to interrupt his fun, to me it was kind of obvious I have been experiencing things all the stereotypes that come with having a girl like bad skin and dry hair.

By the time we actually had to leave Clay had told me all the different ways this appointment could go. In the car I had to try and get Clay to stay calm and drive properly by playing music to distract him slightly. We got there and walked in not too long before our appointment so the nurse came out just a few minutes after we sat down.

The nurse went through all the usual checks before looking to find out the gender for us after asking if we wanted to find out. Our baby moves around quite a lot so when to start with she couldn't see it didn't take long for the baby to move to a better position.

"It's a girl" she said

"See baby I knew it" Clay said like he hadn't changed his mind about a million times

"Yeah you did can you believe that we're actually having a baby girl though" I said

"No I can't that's going to take some getting used to" he replied

Sapnap:

Me and Sapnap  are going to get my 20 week ultrasound today where we should be able to find out the gender of our baby so we have been doing some old wives tales for fun to see if they are correct and the results leant towards a boy. Sapnap has secretly really wanted it to be a boy because he wants a son that he can teach different things to and honestly I wouldn't be too against that because the thought of seeing Sapnap with our son is really cute.

We walked to the hospital for our appointment because we felt like getting some fresh air after not going out for the past few days. It also gave us more time to talk about the appointment which we are kind of worried about because the doctor said that there is a possibility that our baby is not growing properly but it was too early to tell last time.

We got into the appointment and nervously awaited the doctor to check out the ultrasound to make sure everything was going as it should which luckily for us it was and our baby has grown a lot since our last appointment. The nurse then looked back over and asked if we wanted to know what we were having which of course we did.

"It's a boy" she exclaimed

"We get to have our little boy to play football and stuff with" Sapnap said

"We do and I can't wait for those days "I said

Quackity:

Me and Alex had kind of forgotten about the fact that we could find out the gender of our baby today and when we did remember we considered if we actually wanted to find out or not. In the end we decided we did want to find out so that we could buy things and family could know but neither of us cared what we were having as long as our baby was healthy.

At the appointment everything looked good and our baby was wriggling around in there and overall just having a great time which I was glad about because sometimes it isn't fun for me but as long as the baby is having fun that makes it all better.

"Would you like to know what you are having?" The nurse asked

"Yes we would love that" I replied

"You are having a .... little girl" she said

"Thats so exciting there's a little girl inside there" Alex said grabbing my hand

"I know its weird to think that there's a little human being inside me "I said

Karl:

Karl was busy this morning but he made sure to get at least a bit of time off this afternoon to take me to my ultrasound where we should hopefully be able to find out the gender because at our last appointment our baby was facing the wrong way for them to be able to tell.

We got there and went in after waiting about 20 minutes because they were running behind schedule which made the whole thing so much more nerve enducing that it would have been. The nurse got right on with it though and did what they normally do as quick as possible before getting to telling us what we were having.

"It's a boy" she said

"Oh that means Tucker will get to have a little friend" I said

"Yes I can't wait to tell Chris and to meet him" Karl said

Wilbur:

Me and Wilbur are going to my 20 week appointment today and we might be able out to find out what we are having as long as bean cooperates. We still call them bean and will continue to even though they've grown we just like the nickname.

The both of us walked to the appointment to get some fresh air and to kill time because the both of us were so excited to go and walking takes longer. We got there about 25 minutes before the appointment but the nurse was ready for us so we got to go in early. Our little bean popped up on the screen and was moving around in there.

"Would you like to know what your having?" The nurse asked

"Yes please" I replied

"Looks like you are having a little girl" she said (Was going to make it a boy to be even but Wilbur with a daughter was too cute not to)

"Aww I can't wait to meet her this is so exciting" Wilbur said

[studyvibes]

Another new translation of Maneskin interview

I planned on translating the interview last week, but the day I was free the whole area where I lived had an issue with the WiFi, so through out the week, when I had a bit of free time I translated the interviewer piece by piece.

The translation is of this video: https://youtu.be/4Meslb_X9Fg

I thought it was best to include the video of the interview because there are videos and images relevant to their answers.

So this interview is by the VK which is basically like Russian Facebook.

In the original video the host speaks in Russian and Maneskin reply in Italian with Russian subtitles shown.

(Text which is bold and in brackets during the translation are some notes I added, to add come context)

Interviewer: For the first time, Maneskin is visiting Moscow, who are the winners of Eurovision. And today we are welcoming them in our studio. Guys, hello. (If you translate exact its: Guys, big hello to you)

Maneskin: Thank you very much

[0:17] Interviewer: The site Kontakte is one of the biggest sites in Russia and also one of the biggest music platforms in Russia, where people listen to your music. In our top charts of most listened songs you are one of the very few international musicians/bands that are included in the chart. In general the chart includes mostly songs in Russian language, so this shows how very popular you are in our country.

Maneskin: That’s very nice!

Interviewer: Please tell me - your international success just happened in 3 months: charts in Russia, charts in Billboard, I think this is the first time ever since ABBA that a musician/band became famous even in America after Eurovision. How did your life change in this span of 3 months?

Damiano: yeah there was a big difference/change.

Damiano: We could say that it was sudden and how we saw everything explode after Eurovision, but we are very happy

Damiano: Ofcourse this means a lot of work is expected because everything that we did before for Italy, we do now around the world. But we are very happy: this what we wanted and why we worked so hard -we are very, very happy/lucky.

[1:30]Interviewer: Going back to Eurovision, I was present at backstage and at the final, sharing happiness about your winning. I’d like to ask, did you know and how did you react to the fact that all artist for the past two weeks were saying that you were the obvious winners, even though the genre of your performance is a complete contrast to most competitor’s songs. How confident were you.

Interviewer: To solidify my words (about being at Eurovision) I have a photo *shows a photo on iPad of Interviewer and Maneskin on the night they won Eurovision*

Maneskin: oh it was you!

Victoria: We weren’t exactly confident. When we went to Eurovision, we thought only about being able to carry our music to a very wide auditorium, but we didn’t expect that we would be able to win - especially with the type of genre we play and sing in Italian - it is not something that appears often in this competition

Thomas: Yeah, that’s true, it was very unexpected and even the people - in Eurovision - were saying “You will win, you will win” - of course to us it was nice, but we completely didn’t expect it. And same with what happened after.

Ethan: (he said something, but they didn’t add a translation to what he said)

[2:45] Interviewer: I’d like to say a few words about our Manizha - Russian Woman (she represented Russia in Eurovision 2021) - were you able to meet her and chat with her? And are you planning to see her in Moscow

Victoria: yes yes, she even sang an Italian song

Damiano: it was something “Ti amo, ti amo”

Thomas: No, no, no, not that one!

Damiano: “Felicità”?

Thomas: No, no. I don’t remember.

Interviewer: (I didn’t hear him but I think he agreed with Damiano)

Maneskin: “Felicità”, yes, “Felicità”!

Damiano: They even sang in multiple voices! (Manizha had back singers with her, who joined her for Eurovision)

Interviewer: So after you won Eurovision, you were congratulated by Eros Ramazzotti, Royal Blood, and Franz Ferdinand. Which congratulation towards you was unusual and unexpected? And what did it mean to you

Victoria: Probably the big groups, which we always listen to, which always inspired us. It was also really nice, already the fact, that they talk about us - it was unbelievable. And because, of course, for us it was very important, that they liked us/valued us. And what most wild/unusual out of is that we got to collaborate with Iggy Pop.

Rest of Maneskin: *agreeing with Victoria’s answer*

Victoria: He is one of our main idols, he is one of the people who created/established punk-rock.

Thomas: Yes, of course, support from big musicians, from people who we listened to from the very start - it’s really wonderful and important/valuable recognition

Interviewer: tell us about your work with Iggy Pop. How did it happen, did he contact you or you were able to reach out to him?

Victoria: We were always huge fans of him. And when everything so well, he saw who we were and what type of music we have, and we asked him, if he would’ve want to produce something together. He said, that he really likes the song “I wanna be your slave.” and wanted to make a collaboration.

Interviewer: I saw that Miley Cyrus made a repost video of where you are performing a cover of her song and said you are her friends. Is there a possible collab with Miley?

Maneskin: Anything is possible.

Damiano: (in English) Who knows

Interviewer: with who would you want to collab?

Victoria: with many, with many! Arctic Monkeys, Foo Fighters, I don’t know.. with so many!

Interviewer: An interesting thing - the group BTS became the symbol of South Korea, making kpop genre popular. You are becoming...you became, the symbol of Italy. Do you feel any responsibility and are you planning on promoting Italian language/ making Italian language popular?

Damiano: We are thinking about making our music, and if our country will choose us to be their representatives, we would be happy. But no, we don’t feel this responsibility, we are thinking of own work/ business.

Interviewer: I can’t not ask very important question which is interesting for the fans - are you preparing an album, can you share some hints/ secrets? Because everyone is waiting for it. And the fact that in one of your songs which was released years back reached the top world wide charts, now we all can’t wait.

Victoria: Its all secret!

Damiano: We can say, that we are preparing new music - this is the secret which we can reveal.

Thomas: Yeah, and we are trying to find time, to write, to work on music. Certainly/undoubtedly, you can expect multiple surprises.

Interviewer: you are a unique group - from the point that your centre/focus is towards all of the members, which is different to other bands where bands are seen as the frontman and the rest of musicians. But each member of your group is seen a big celebrity. Did this happen accidentally or is this the concept you made, and how does your friendship help you with you work?

Damiano: We always tries to avoid the stereotypes of bands/groups, where only the vocalist is recognized/known. We always tried to push not only the group as whole, but also the 4 individuals of the group. And this is probably also happens because of our close friendship. Luckily, nobody feels like they are in the shadows pushed by others.

[7:38] Interviewer: It’s really cool that you change/ remove the stereotypes and create new trends.

Maneskin: We try, We try. We carry our little contribution.

Interviewer: Damiano, I would like to ask you personally a question - from what I am aware of, at the start, the band didn’t accept you into the band, something didn’t work out, could you please tell us in more detail?

*Maneskin laughing at Damiano*

Victoria: He became older, and his voice became magically/suddenly different!

Interviewer: what I understood was that it happened was because you originally sang more pop music, not rock with the band.

Damiano: In reality/to be honest, nothing changed, I stayed pop. Let’s say, I grew, and my voice changed, and I started to sound more earnest/persuasive.

[8:22] Interviewer: How did the band form? You first place of performance was at the street of Rome?

Maneskin: Yes, we started to play in school

Victoria: and since then everything went with the flow. We started to play on the streets, at small establishments, at school - anywhere where we could have an opportunity to perform

Interviewer: what was the hardest in those performances?

Thomas: To find a place where we can perform

Victoria: Yes, exactly, where to perform. And later, it was very small establishments and the audience at the start didn’t take us too seriously. But together as a band we supported each other - in the end, it was our dream, we even liked to perform in front of just a few people, which is why we continued.

Thomas: Exactly, yes. At the start we sometimes performed to an auditorium with a few people, but even then you had to stay convincing/conclusive. Over some period of time, in the crowd, people start to appear who valued our music, what we did. But for me, it was probably, the main challenge was to see, play, perform well and stay yourself in front of 2 or 3 people.

Ethan: Yes, there were times when we performed in front of an audience in which there were only parents. We gave out the same level and the same energy.

Interviewer: I think it is common thing to happen when a musician/ band performs at private party, where Russian musicians performed for one person in the hall.

Maneskin: oh this is something very very private

Interviewer: I think I’ll get in trouble for telling you this, but Little Big told me this story.

*Maneskin recognizing the bands name*

Maneskin: Aaa, Yes!

Interviewer: Ed Sheehan, in his time, took a challenge, he also started from street performing, to make 300 performance in a year. Are you ready to start your world tour and to perform nearly every day?

Thomas: Of course, definitely. The other way it won’t happen.

[10:25] Interviewer: I’d also like to know/ask, if you often spend your time together, as friends, if you have any common hobbies, and what do you do as a break/rest?

Victoria: We practically don’t have any life outside the frame of music, we spend all our time in work. But when we do find spare time, we just go somewhere to relax and have fun.

Interviewer: What simple tip/advise would you give to young musicians which at the moment are street performing but dream to perform in big stadiums?

Victoria: I think, you should continued with your journey and don’t change due to other people’s opinions.

Ethan: Yes, that right. Be always yourself.

Interviewer: your time of fame happened in Italy a few years ago from the show X Factor when you performed the cover from the band the Four seasons on their song “Beggin”. Did you expect that your cover would become a world hit in a few years? And a lot of people associate the song more with you (like more than the original band)

Ethan: Yeah. It’s.... weird!

[11:33] Interviewer: I’d like to show you an interesting photo. The photo illustrates when it was the last time Russia saw Italians. It’s a movie from the year 1974 which is called “the unbelievable journey of Italians in Russsia” do you see any similarity?

*at [11:48] you can see the image of four people: on the left two men happily hugging each other, in the centre a woman, and on the right a tired looking man*

Maneskin: Nooooo *laughing*

Ethan: Wow (the exact words that were written in subtitles were “Да ты что!” Which in Russian is used as an expression of surprise )

Ethan and Thomas point at which person they think they are in the left

Ethan: I am the one in the left

Interviewer: This is actually a very popular Soviet comedy and the movie is about Italians which travelled to Russia in search of treasure, which left was by one of the main character’s grandmother. I would like to know after which treasure did you go after in Russia?

Victoria: I think, our fans, possibly perform, and play in concerts. All the love and affection.

Interviewer: It would be nice if you could watch the movie, maybe during your flight, and share your opinion on social media.

Ethan: ok, will do.

Interviewer: I’d also like to show you a very popular video which was spreading in Russia. Where it was comparing your lyrics from “I WANNA BE YOUR SLAVE” and lyrics from a Russian musician Alla Pugacheva. Both songs have same repeating words: “master” and “gangster”

Maneskin: (idk who said it) I saw it in Tiktok

Interviewer: just in case, I’ll show you the video

*[11:58] shows the video which interviewer talked about*

Thomas: You already saw it.

Interviewer: Your Russian fans, went further, started to look for famous Russian performers who wore similar outfits that you wear. But it turned out that all the similar outfits were worn by on person, his name is Valery Leontiev. I’d like to show you the pictures to show you just how similar his outfits are.

*[13:35] you can see the image comparisons, in the background you can hear Damiano laughing and say “no no”*

Thomas or Ethan: Unbelievable! This is crazy, this isn’t possible.

Interviewer: Yes the similarities are on point/ are exact.

Interviewer: I’d like to conclude the interviewer with genuine admiration because for the past 3 months you exploded the whole music industry, which didn’t happen for ages. And to be honest, it is true what you said about saving your authenticity and believe in yourself. We are very proud of you, Russians love Italians (ik that a lot of old Italian movies and songs are very popular in Russia). Please continue to grow and make wonderful music.

Maneskin: Thank, thank you very much.

————————————-

Hopefully you enjoyed the interview and the translations made sense

[theoriginalcarnivorousmuffin]

When I saw 'Romanians' mentioned in your last post I had a wtf moment cause I have only watched the movies and I don't think I've ever noticed their existence. Regardless, I just had to read the wiki page and it is hillarious to me cause coincidence or not they seem to be named after the psychopathic ruler 'Vlad the impaler' and his cousin 'Stefan the great'(he might have murdered more people than his cousin known as the impaler, but you know he is great). Also, what do you think of them? Sorry for the rant...

You have no idea what you’ve unleashed.

I love the Romanians because they are, hands down, the trashiest, weirdest, lamest, loser vampires in Twilight canon. 

Just, these two are so hilariously beautiful.

First off, while Meyer undoubtedly named them with Vlad Tepish and Stefan the Great in mind, the Romanians are actually much older. We don’t have exact dates, but we know the Romanians (then presumably the Dacians), held great power over their territory for a thousand years before the Volturi had truly established themselves. After the Volturi took on and won against Amun’s coven in Egypt (and took the grateful Demetri off Amun’s hands making Amun still bitter thousands of years later) they waged war against the Romanians and won. (Vlad and Stefan are still very bitter but give us the silver lining of “oh yeah, well, we’re only partly petrified. SO TAKE THAT STUPID VOLTURI!”)

Vlad, Stefan, and Vlad’s wife were the only survivors. The Romanians, being one of the most evil and trashy covens in Twilight, decided to take on Volterra by amassing an army of 100 vampires. Hilariously, they had poor timing, this is a decade after Aro acquired Jane and Alec. The entire army is defeated in a second, Vlad’s wife is murdered, and by 810 AD, it’s just Vlad and Stefan.

They’ve remained losers the Volturi don’t take seriously ever since. Every decade, Demetri pays them a visit to remind them that yes, the Volturi does remember them and can find them any time they want to. Even more hilariously, Vlad and Stefan take this very seriously, and are constantly on the run from the Volturi, never aware that the Volturi actually don’t care. At all. 

Point being, given these guys, first it’s entirely likely their original names are not Vlad and Stefan. We see many of the vampires of the ancient world periodically change their name. We have Chelsea and Demetri, who are canonically acknowledged as having done this. Given when and where they were born, we can assume Marcus and Caius were not originally Marcus and Caius. Similarly, we can assume Aro’s name was originally far longer as well.

None the less, it would be just like these two to name themselves after these Romanian human warlords, one of whom serves and the inspiration for the modern vampire myth in Europe. And then, insist, of course, that the human rulers were actually named after Vlad and Stefan, because the humans still worship them, you know.

They’re going to be back on top any day now, you’ll see. 

That’s another thing worth getting into. The Romanians are evil. I’m not exaggerating this, of all the vampires in Twilight, they are the most appalling (and this is including James, Maria and the southern war lords, Joham... well not Joham, he’s a special brand of evil). These guys had a thousand year reign of terror in Dacia. Humans were butchered seemingly by entire villages, they made humans their slaves and demanded worship and sacrifice. When the humans periodically tried to overthrow them, they slaughtered them all, presumably placed their heads on spikes, and used them to taunt those few surviving humans.

When they lost power, they made an army a hundred vampires strong, which given what we see of the newborns in Seattle (who were only around twenty and still far too large to control), probably wiped out several large settlements in eastern Europe. Didn’t matter, just as long as they got rid of the Volturi.

And they miss those glory days dearly.

They actively reminisce about in Breaking Dawn to an oblivious Bella, who is just so happy these very important and impressive Europeans are here to help her beautiful daughter and so impressed they they’ve been fighting the corrupt Volturi for thousands of years (which is another bit of hilarity we’ll get into). You know, when/if the Volturi fall, the Romanians will be the first in line to rape the women and enslave us all. Good times, good times.

But back to them being trash people.

Vlad and Stefan are utterly destitute, their entire coven is destroyed, and yet they still insist they’re a Big Fucking Deal. Not only that, but just their every action is beyond weird. They talk in unison like Fred and George Weasley, they’re these ridiculously tiny men dressed as stereotypical vampires, and they show up out of nowhere on your doorstep saying, “So, hear you’re starting an insurrection against Volterra, Carlisle, we want in” (While Carlisle, I’m sure, just dies a thousand times inside). 

They then talk to Bella all about how they fight the corruption of the Volturi. What is the corruption, you ask? Well, the Volturi drove them out of their kingdom and liberated the human slaves. Then they imposed this stupid law where you couldn’t eat humans in broad daylight. Then when the Romanians tried to invade Italy they killed them all.

The Romanians will expose the Volturi’s crimes here and now. They stand for justice, peace, and Renezel--Renpunz--Renesmee. (The Romanians decidedly do not come for Renesmee, they hear about Carlisle’s army through the vampire European rumor mill, which just shows how out of hand it all got because now Carlisle’s amassing an army to protect the immortal child his son made. They show 0 interest in Renesmee.)

They give me serious McPoyle vibes.

More, beautifully, everything they touch becomes tainted.

Laurent, another beautiful loser character, starts life as a French courtier in Versailles. When he’s turned into a vampire, he assumes the vampire world works like Versailles. It works nothing like Versailles.

He seeks out those vampires with the greatest power.

Well, vampires in general are cannibalistic homeless nomads who care nothing for power.

This brings him, beautifully, to the Romanians. They insist to Laurent they’re super cool and powerful, Laurent believes them, but either Laurent eventually clues in or realizes something’s not right here. So, he goes to seek out the real power, the Volturi.

Unfortunately, Laurent is a loser, the Volturi is not court, and Aro has no need for some lackey trying to get in his good graces. Plus, Laurent hung out willingly with Vlad and Stefan. And anyone who does that...

So, Aro goes, “Ew, no, leave.”

Laurent is convinced, even when canon rolls around and he’s sunk so low as to hang out with James and Victoria (also loser vampires), that Aro will call him back any day now.

Aro never does. Laurent is eaten by untrained sixteen-year-old shape shifters.

But yes, point being, I imagine that in this modern era the Romanians would have a Go Fund Me for purchasing the blow torches they’ll use to destroy the Volturi once and for all. They also have a YouTube channel which is unintentionally dungeon porn, in which they cover their heads in bags so as not to be recognized, and talk about the good old days in thick Romanian accents. It’s a very popular YouTube channel, nobody understands why they wear so much body glitter.

Oh, right, Bella.

Bella is so beautiful with these guys. So, in Breaking Dawn, Bella actually takes the Romanians seriously. They’re all I describe above and more, they’re not hiding it, they’re full McPoyle (including the taking over the world built). Jake even tells Bella he finds them weird as hell. Bella thinks they’re great.

No, really, she thinks they’re great.

They tell her how they enslaved all the people in their territory, demanded tithes, and would eagerly do so again as soon as they get the chance and she stares at them with wide eyes and thinks about how cool all these vampires who came for precious Renesmee are. (Which, funnily, they actually all came either for Carlisle, because he has a billion friends everywhere, or else as a power grab like the Romanians, or both in Amun’s case. It’s the weirdest, most beautiful, mixture of people.)

Bella has her moments, but loving the Romanians has got to be a top ten for her. My explanation is that she’s so high on vampirism and Renesmee that this is all just great for her. LIFE IS WONDERFUL!

EDIT: I could no longer abide my spelling mistakes, I also edited a bit for cleanliness.

[escapewithbts]

Unexpected Envy (Part One) - Jimin

———————————————

The back of your throat burned as you downed the last sip of your vodka martini. It was already your third of the evening but you had no plan on stopping anytime soon.

Someone else did, however.

"Hey, do you think maybe you should slow down a little, (y/n)?" you best friend Jimin said into your ear from his seat on the couch next to you.

So controlling, you thought. Who is he to tell me to slow down?

In fact, Jimin's words just made you want to drink more.

"Actually, I think I'll have another. I'll be right back," you told him, standing up and walking away before he could protest.

As you made your way to the bar, you glanced back and noticed his worried expression follow you. You knew his words were out of care, not out of judgement, but that almost made it worse.

You see, you were a walking stereotype. You had fallen in love with your best friend. At first you avoided telling him, too afraid of his reaction. But you thought you saw signs. Thought maybe he felt something, too. So you went for it. You wanted that whole "best friends fall in love fairytale ending" crap.

But you didn't get it. You told Jimin how you felt about him. A week ago to this day as a matter of fact. But it wasn't a fairytale ending. It was a nightmare. He had said the words no one confessing their feelings wants to hear... "I just want to stay friends", along with a "You deserve someone who can focus fully on you" but "I hope this doesn't ruin our friendship because you mean a lot to me". Straight out of a Rom-Com.

What they don't show in Rom-Coms is the hurt. The one who gets rejected cries and eats chocolate ice cream while listening to sad music and watching classic romance movies.

But in reality it's not like that. No, you were so heartbroken you could literally feel the ache in your chest; it had been like that for a week straight. You could hardly sleep. You wanted to go back to the time before you had said anything, when the idea of you and Jimin happily in a relationship was just a figment of your imagination.

You couldn't stop being his friend, though. Not having Jimin at all was worse than not having him as your significant other. So through all the pain, you had to smile, had to pretend like it wasn't that big of a deal. Just play it off and act like you were fine with the fact that you and Jimin were only ever going to be just friends.

But as the week went on it was getting harder and harder to pretend like nothing was wrong, especially since you weren't only best friends, but also roommates for the time being. Jimin was letting you stay with him at his penthouse apartment while you got settled in Seoul from moving abroad. It made everything so much worse, having to constantly see him. And Jimin wasn't stupid. He was almost annoyingly observant, always on alert and aware of what the people around him were feeling. He could tell things weren't okay.

Which is why he invited you to his music label's year end company party. They had rented a club just for the talent, their management and agents and some staff, and everyone was allowed to bring a plus one. So here you were. Jimin's plus one.... but only ever as a friend, of course.

"A vodka martini, please!" you shouted to the bartender over the music blasting through the speakers.

You adjusted your black dress that stopped just above your knees and showed off your shape perfectly. At least you felt like you looked good on the outside.

Suddenly you felt a tap on your shoulder. You turned around to see who it was and became face to face with a member of the band TomorrowxTogether. You remembered his name to be Yeonjun, you had met briefly but only in passing whenever you were at events with Jimin and BTS.

"Hi, you're (y/n), right?" he asked, giving you a warm smile.

You smiled back.

"Yes, and you're Yeonjun. I think we've met a couple times."

He nodded.

"That's right. Did you come here with Jimin-hyung?"

You answered with a nod as the bartender placed your fresh drink on the counter next to you.

"Ah okay, okay, I thought so. He's a really great guy, I look up to him a lot. He's also very handsome."

You chuckled politely, impressed by his obvious fluent English.

"Yes, he is."

Tell me something I don't know, you thought.

Yeonjun looked down shyly and continued,

"I hope it is not too bold of me to ask, but is Jimin-ah your... ar-are you two, you know... together?"

Your stomach flipped and you immediately had to take a big swig of your martini.

No, but thanks for the reminder.

You smiled at him the best you could, trying to radiate confidence even though the question had caused the opposite effect.

"No," you said flatly, "We are just friends."

There was that ache in your chest again.

Yeonjun's face lit up at your response. It was cute, in a puppy-dog sort of way.

"Great, well then, I was wondering if maybe... you'd like to dance with me?"

This was perfect, exactly what you needed. A nice distraction from the man who didn't want you who was waiting for you back at the booth. Yeonjun seemed kind enough, and you had just enough liquid courage running through your veins to not care about making a fool of yourself on the dance floor.

Jimin who?

"Yes," you set your fourth empty glass on the bar and smiled, "I would like to dance with you."

Yeonjun took your hand and lead you out to the dancefloor. The music was so loud you could hardly hear yourself think, but you preferred it that way. You and Yeonjun made your way towards the middle, shifting through dancing bodies all around you. You faced each other and starting moving back and forth to the beat.

"I'm not a good dancer!" you yelled to him.

He smiled sweetly back at you.

"It's okay! Just follow my lead!"

He then grabbed your hand in his and twirled you under it, then wrapped his arms around your waist from behind before spinning you out away from him. Your hair swung around you, and you threw up your free arm before ending up back in Yeonjun's arms. You continued dancing this way, him taking the lead and keeping you close while still being respectful. You were having so much fun, and for the first time in a week none of your thoughts consisted of Jimin.

"You're a great dancer!" you shouted to Yeonjun as he twirled you around again.

"I've had a little practice!" he yelled back, earning himself a giggle from you which caused him to grin.

All of a sudden, out of the corner of your eye, you noticed a red blazer shuffling through the crowded dance floor and heading towards the two of you. You knew who it was.

You felt a warm hand on the middle of your back. The mere contact made your heart pound.

You and Yeonjun stopped dancing. Why did it feel like you were both suddenly in trouble?

"Ah, oh, hello, Jimin-hyung!" Yeonjun smiled and bowed deeply at the older boy who had appeared in front of him.

Jimin nodded his head back at him but his face showed no emotion.

"Yeonjun," he replied curtly.

Then he turned to you. The look on his face caught you by surprise. His eyes were dark, his face looked so stoic it almost frightened you. He didn't look like the happy, caring Jimin he usually was. You weren't sure what he was feeling, but he looked almost evil, and dare you say... sexy?

Stop! You scolded yourself. You had to stand your ground.

"(y/n)-ah..." he began, staring straight into your eyes and cocking his head, "it's getting kind of late, don't you think? I'm leaving now and I believe I am your ride."

You noticed Yeonjun's face turn into panic, fearing he disrespected his older hyung by keeping you. But you were your own person, Jimin brought you here but he didn't own you.

"Then go, Jimin, it's okay," you wrapped your hand around Yeonjun's forearm and stepped closer to him, "I'm having a lot of fun with Yeonjun so I think I'll stay."

Jimin didn't take his eyes off yours. Yeonjun shifted uncomfortably but couldn't stop the sheepish grin from appearing on his lips at the mention of you having fun with him.

"But how will you get home?" Jimin asked, clearly impatient.

You waved your hand.

"Oh I'll just take a taxi or something, don't worry about it, I'll figure it out."

There was a pause as the two of you stared at each other. You knew what Jimin was thinking, he was your best friend after all. You could tell he was not happy with you staying here without him, almost like he was telepathically urging you to come with him. But he couldn't fight your independence and knew it was pointless to try. You watched his face fall briefly, like a look of sadness, but then a signature warm, eyes-almost-closed Jimin smile appeared and he reached out to shake Yeonjun's hand.

"Okay, okay, well then you take care of her, Yeonjun," he said in Korean, "She's my best friend, you know."

You internally winced at his use of those words. Yeonjun bowed.

"Yes, of course, Hyung."

Jimin turned back to you. He looked a little defeated, and the side of you that cared about him so much more than you have ever cared about another human being suddenly felt badly about him leaving without you.

He leaned in to you so you could hear him better, his full pink lips barely grazing your ear. Your whole body broke out in goosebumps.

"Just... be careful, (y/n)-ah." he whispered, before stepping back and giving you a smile.

Then he lifted his ring-covered fingers in a wave and turned, disappearing into the sea of people.

*

Part Two

Masterlist

[rachelbethhines]

Vintage Shows to Watch While You Wait for the Next Episode of WandaVision - The 60s

So the 60s is the era that Wandavision pulls most heavily from for it’s inspiration. So much so that one could make the argument that each of the first three episodes are all set in the 1960s. Episode one pulls from the early 60s with multiple Dick Van Dyke refences, episode two is very Bewitched inspired, and episode three is aesthetically very similar to The Brady Bunch which started in ‘69. As such it was hard to narrow down the list for this decade and I had to get creative in some ways. 

1. The Andy Griffith Show (1960 - 1968)

The Andy Griffith Show gets kind of a bad rap now a days for being, supposedly, a conservative’s wet dream. People claiming it as such have apparently never actually seen the series. Oh yes, it’s very much set in white rural 60s America and will occasionally present the obliviously outdated joke, but the story of a widowed sheriff being the only sane man in a small town full of lovable lunatics, who prefers to solve his and others problems with negotiation and hair brained schemes as opposed to violence has far more in common with modern day Steven Universe than whatever genocidal fantasy fake rednecks have in their heads.  

As the gif above shows Andy Griffith was very subtlety progressive for its time. Andy was a stanch pacifist, pro-gun control, treated drug addicts and prisoners with respect, and all the women he would date had careers, ect. and so on. It’s not a satire making any sort of grand political statements but the series had a moral center that was far more left than many realize. 

But if it’s not a satire, then what type of comedy is it? 

The Andy Griffith Show excels in what I like to call, ‘awkward comedy’. See everyone in Mayberry is far too nice to just come out and tell a character they’re making an ass of themselves, so therefore whoever is the idiot punching bag of the episode’s focus must slowly unravel as everyone looks on in helpless pity until said character realizes the folly of their ways and the townsfolk come together to make them feel happy and accepted once more. Wandavision takes this polite idyllic awkwardness and plays it up for horror instead of laughs.  

2. The Dick Van Dyke Show (1961 - 1966)

The creators of Wandavision actually met with Dick Van Dyke himself to pick his brain and learn how sitcoms were made back then. Paul Bentley also took inspiration from Van Dyke in his performance of the sitcom version of Vision, while Olsen stated Mary Tylor Moore had a heavy influence on her character of Wanda. But more than just being a point of homage, The Dick Van Dyke Show was hugely influential in modernizing the family sitcom and breaking a lot of the unspoken traditions and ‘rules’ of the 50s television era. It’s also just really, really funny.  

3.The Alfred Hitchcock Hour (1962 - 1965) 

Bit of a cheat here. Alfred Hitchcock Presents actually started in 1955 as a half hour anthology show, but in ‘62 the show got a revamp and was extended into a full hour tv series. I knew I wanted The Twilight Zone to be covered in my episode one recap, but ‘The Master of Suspense’ couldn’t be forgotten. While The Twilight Zone reveled in the surreal and supernatural, Alfred Hitchcock pioneered the thriller genre and made real life seem dangerous, horrifying, and other worldly.   

4. Doctor Who (1963 - present day) vs Star Trek (1966 - present day) 

Just like how westerns dominated the air waves during the 50s, science fiction was the center of the cultural zeitgeist of the 60s. From Lost in Space to My Favorite Martian, space aliens and robots were everywhere. So naturally I had to name drop the two sci-fi juggernauts that still air to this today. If you thought that the rivalry between Star Wars and Star Trek was bad then you’ve never seen a chat full of Whovians and Trekkies duking it out over who is the better monster, the Borg or the Cyberman. But which one has the more influence over Wandavision?

Well Star Trek owes it’s existence to sitcoms. As with The Twilight Zone before it, Star Trek was produced by Desilu Productions and it’s co-founder and CEO, Lucille Ball, was the series biggest supporter behind the scenes, lobbying for it when it faced early cancelation. As with all things sitcomy, everything ties back to I Love Lucy in the end. However despite that little backstory, it would seem that the series has very little to do with Wandavision itself beyond being quintessentially American. 

I would argue that Wandavision owes much to Doctor Who though. Arguably more so than any show mentioned in this retrospective. Time travel, alternate realities, trouble in quite suburbia, brainwashing, people coming back from the dead, ect... just about every trope you can find in Wandavision has also appeared in Doctor Who at some point. As a series that can go anywhere and do anything, Doctor Who was a pioneer of marrying genres in new and interesting ways. 

5. Bewitched (1964 - 1972) and I Dream of Jeannie (1965 - 1970)

It’s hard to pick one series over another because they’re essentially the same show. A mortal man falls in love with a magical girl who upends their lives with magic filled hijinks as they try their best not to have their secret discovered by the rest of the world. And both have their fingerprints all over the DNA of Wandavision. 

There’s only two core differences; Samantha and Jeannie have completely different personalities, with Sam being confident and knowledgeable and Jeannie being naïve and oblivious, along with their relationships with their respective men, Sam and Darrin being married and in love at the start of the series and Jeannie chasing after Tony in the beginning in a will they/won’t they affair, finally only getting together in the last season. 

6. The Munsters (1964 - 1966) vs The Adams Family (1964 - 1966)

Fans of these two shows are forever sadden that there never was a crossover between them. Because they’d fit perfectly together. Both shows are about a surreal and macabre family living in American suburbia and disrupting the lives of their neighbors with their otherworldly hijinks. Sound familiar?     

The main difference between the two shows is the way the characters viewed their placement in the world they inhabit. 

The Munsters were always oblivious to the fact that didn’t fit in. They just automatically assumed everyone had the same personal tastes as them. Whenever they encountered anyone who behaved strangely around them they would write that person off as being the odd one rather than questioning themselves. As such the main cast was structured like a stereotypical sitcom family who just happened to be classic movie monsters. 

The Addams were well aware that they were abnormal and they loved it! They lived life with in their own little world and didn’t care what anyone thought of them. As such the characters were far more colorful and quirky as individuals but there was little in the way of refences to other horror franchises beyond just a general love of the twisted and strange. 

7. Green Acres (1965 - 1971) and the Rual-verse (1962 - 1971)

So the MCU is not the first franchise to bring viewers an interconnected universe to the small screen. Far from it, as sitcoms had been doing this for decades, starting with the ‘rualverse’. Beverly Hillbillies, Petticoat Junction, and Green Acres were all produced by the same company and were treated as spinoffs of each other, complete with crossovers and shared characters and sets. 

Of the three, the last show, Green Acres, has the most in common with Wandavision. A well to do businessman and his lovely socialite wife settle down in small town America on a farm in order to get away from the stresses of city life, only to find new stresses in the country. Eva Gabor, herself a natural Hungarian, plays the character of Lisa as Hungarian making her one of the few non-native born Americans on tv screens during the cold war. Despite her posh nature and original protests to the move, Lisa assimilates to the rural life far easier than her husband, Oliver. Who, as the main comedic thread, can’t comprehend his new quirky neighbors’ odd and often illogical behavior.  

8. Hogan’s Heroes (1965 - 1971) and Get Smart (1965 - 1969)

So as comic fans have been quick to point out, it’s looking like both A.I.M. (Hydra) and Sword (Shield) will be players in the story of Wandavision. To commemorate that here’s two shows to represent those opposing sides. Although in truth, neither series has anything else in common with each other but I need to condense things down someway. 

In Hydra’s corner we got Hogan’s Heroes. A show all about taking down Nazis from within. 

I love, love, love, ‘robin hood’ comedies where a group of con artists try week after to week to pull one over the establishment. The Phil Silvers Show, Mchale's Navy, and Top Cat, just to name a few examples are all childhood favorites of mine. However while those shows had a lot of morally ambiguous characters, Hogan’s Heroes has very clear cut good guys and bad guys, cause the bad guys are Nazis and the show relentless makes fun of the third reich as should we all. In fact I was watching Hogan’s Heroes while waiting for the GA run off election results. Fortunately my home state decided to kick out our own brand of Nazis this year. 

For Shield, we got the ultimate spy spoof, Get Smart. Starring, Inspector Gadget himself, Don Adams, as the bumbling Maxwell Smart. Get Smart, is a hilarious send up of Cold War espionage but the real selling point of the show, imho, is Max and his co-worker 99′s relationship. You can cut the sexual tension in the air with a knife all while laughing your ass off. 

9. Batman (1966 - 1968)

First was Superman and then came Batman. Yet while Superman was a serious action show, Batman was a straight up comedy. Showcasing that superheroes could indeed be funny. 

Also shout out for Batman being the only show on this list to have an actual crossover with it’s competitor, The Green Hornet. 

10. Julia (1968 - 1971)

Since episode two features the first appearances of Herb and Monica, let’s highlight the first black led sitcom since the cancelation of Amos ‘n Andy over a decade earlier. The show focuses on single mother and military nurse, Julia, as she tries to live her life without her recently decease husband, who was killed in Vietnam, as she tries to raise their six year old son on her own.  

The series is cute. It’s more of a throw back to earlier family sitcoms where there’s no fantasy and life lessons are the name of the game. It’s the fact that the main character is a single black woman is what made the show so subversive and important at the time. 

Runner Ups

There’s much good stuff in the 60s, so here’s some others that didn’t make the cut but I would recommend anyways. 

Car 54, Where Are You? (1961 - 1963)

I call this the Brooklynn 99 of the 1960s. Bumbling but well meaning Officer Toody longs to do good in the world and help anyone in need, but often screws things up with his ill thought out schemes. He often drags his best friend and partner, the competent but anxiety riddled, Muldoon into his escapades. 

Mr. Ed (1961 - 1966)

The grandfather of the sarcastic talking pet trope. 

The Jetsons (1962 - 1963 and 1985 - 1987)

Hanna-Barbera often took popular sitcoms and just repackaged them as cartoons with a fantasy theme to them. The Jetsons has no singular show that it rips-off but is rather more a grab bag of sitcom tropes that feature, robots, computers, and flying cars. 

The Outer Limits (1963 - 1965) 

The Outer Limits was The Twilight Zone’s biggest competitor in terms of being a sic-fi/horror anthology series. 

Gillian’s Island (1964 - 1967) 

The only comparison to WandaVision I could think of was that this is a sitcom about people being trapped in one place. But by that point I was running out of room on the list. Still it’s one of the funniest shows on here. 

So yeah, this took longer than expected cause there’s a lot, here. Hopefully the 70s will be easier. Which I’ll post on Friday. 

[eunoiaflow3r]

when worlds collide - h.p. x gn!avenger!reader

a/n: bahahahahaha no one reads harry x reader lmaoo you don’t have to tell me - i know. but still, i thought this was a cute idea and i went with it. hope you enjoy :)

not edited.

also: timelines don’t match up bc i don’t want to do the math so harry is like 20 - 21 and your like 19 - 20 in 2020. Civil War and everything on didn’t happen. Fred didn’t die.

gn = gender neutral

warning(s): “language!” - captain america.

word count: 3.1k

request(ed): no.

summary: stephen sends y/n to a strange new place with...wizards?

————————————-&—————————————

Never doubt Stephen Strange. That's something that pretty much everyone has accepted. Never second guess the wizard man. Usually you'd agree. Usually you'd just let the man babble about whatever he needed to and then go about your day.

Not now.

The fuckery.

Now you were here (wherever here was) after some flashes of orange and a "be careful." Did he even do the spell right? Is this really where you were supposed to be?

It was dark, and dirty and you just wanted to go home and not talk to anyone so you turned yourself invisible.

You were born with your powers - you think. You were adopted so you wouldn't know where your powers came from. All you know is that one day your parents couldn't find you, even though you were right there. Instead of thinking you were some kind of alien and throwing you out to labs, they helped you control it the best you could.

It was difficult at first, all things considered, but you got through. You discovered you had another power as well. Force fields. Those came in handy during the battles. (You helped where you could), and Tony Stark took you in afterwards as his own. He helped you create your suit, and your name, and discover more about your powers, he was basically a dad to you.

Your parents were a little hesitant letting you join the Avengers, but once they realized this is what you were meant to do, and you had people just like you protecting you, they couldn't keep you from that. They just couldn't.

So here you were, invisible, in some dark and creepy alley. There were doors either side of you, so you got out of the way considering they could open and smack you in the face at any given moment. You heard loud voices and laughing and cheering from both ends of the alley so you walked towards the one in front of you.

The voices were so loud and echoey that you really couldn't focus on anything else. Maybe that's why you didn't hear a boy behind you trip and fall into you from behind.

"I'm so sorry." he said helping you up.

You turned around to help him, he got awfully dirty, and searched for his glasses that fell off his face.

Once standing, he took out a stick, waved it over him, and all of a sudden the dirt and gravel was gone.

"How did you do that?" You were no stranger to magic, but this was something you've never seen before. And why would he do it in front of you? For all he knew, you were an unknowing human.

"What?" He asked eyebrows furrowed together, accent strong.

"With the stick."

He chuckled shoving the stick back in his cloak.

"The stick." He smiled and looked you up and down. "It's a wand. You must not be from around here."

"Yeah, what tipped you off?" You noticed the lightning bolt scar on his head. You wondered how he got it.

"The accent, the clothes, the inability to recognize a simple wand, the ability to be here, not recognizing me, and wait - where is your cloak?"

"Cloak?"

"You were just invisible a moment earlier but I don't see your cloak anywhere."

"I don't have one. I can make myself invisible without a piece of fabric or your fancy stick." You say sarcastically. Were you flirting?

"Handy." He grins. "The name's Harry Potter."

He holds his hand out for you to shake. "Y/N L/N."

He asks you if you want to talk somewhere besides a dark dirty alley. You agreed. It took some convincing though to let him use his stick to clean the clothes you had on, but to change your outfit to something less, standout-ish.

When you felt the witch hat on your head you immediately snatched it off your head and glared at him.

He just laughed.

Once out of the alley, you breathed in the now clean air, and was mesmerized. People were bustling in and out of small shops, animals were flying and chirping around their owners, children were running around with their friends and siblings, and people were waving sticks, or wands, just like Harry used.

"C'mon, this way." He smiled at your awestruck face. It reminded him of when he first arrived with Hagrid all those years ago.

He brought you inside a coffee shop, and sat you at a booth near the window knowing you'd probably want to still look outside at the new scenes.

After ordering, and a few moments of silence as you looked around, you decided to ask some questions.

"Where am I?"

"We're in Diagon Alley. It's like an outside mall."

"I mean like, planet? I guess?"

"Earth."

"Earth?"

"Well, more specifically London. Diagon Alley."

"London?! I'm in London?!"

"You've never been? To Earth? Or London?"

You rolled your eyes silently cursing Strange. "I'm from Earth. The United States, actually. I just wish he'd put me on a fucking plane or something instead of making it seem like I was going to Mars."

"He?" Harry was very curious.

You looked into his green eyes, your mind wandering. The guy in front of you was very attractive. His dark hair complimented his eyes, and his glasses made him even more attractive.

"You guys are wizards right?"

"Really? What gave you that impression?" He asks sarcastically. "The sticks, the pointy hats, or the big bowl with green liquid sitting outside?”

You rolled your eyes. "Very funny. It's not my fault you live into the stereotype of brewing potions in your cauldrons -"

"Oh well I can only assume you're one of those Avengers from the States, yeah?" He grins. "You guys are all over the news."

"Yes, sure -"

"And don't one of you wear capes and another shoot lasers or lightning or whatnot? Sounds very stereotypical to me."

You laugh as the waitress brings over your drinks and muffins. You thank her. "No, well yes, that's Strange and Thor, but that's besides the point -"

"Well of course it's strange." He grins and winks and you over his mug. He was purposely annoying you and found great joy in it.

"Anyway," you sigh getting back to the point. "Do you guys have a Wizard here, like a powerful, trusting, all-knowing kind of guy?"

His eyes dropped slowly and his smile dimmed for a moment before slowly widening once again.

"Had. His name was Dumbledore."

"Our guy is Stephen Strange. Or Dr. Strange. He sent me here, and I'm not sure why."

"Hmmm." He hums setting down his mug. "Are the states in danger? Were you sent here on a secret quest that would put you through tough trials that would risk your life but would ultimately save everyone you've ever loved so you just have to do it?"

You were in a silent shock. "Uhm. No, not that I'm aware of, no."

"Well then perhaps your Wizard Strange is playing matchmaker."

"Matchmaker?"

"Well you were sent here weren't you?" You nod. "Arrived outside the exact place where I was and I just happened to bump into you? Sounds like a set-up to me."

"Or a coincidence."

"I'd like to think it was fate that I bump into the most attractive person I've ever seen and they don't know who I am and won't judge me 'cause of my past." He took a bite of his muffin.

"Should I be worried?"

"I guess you'll have to figure that out yourself." He winks.

You decide to eat your muffin as well. It was a comfortable silence until you looked out of the window and noticed a guy crouching down behind a cauldron...with a camera.

"Harry?"

"Hm?"

"Why is there a man outside taking pictures of you?"

His eyes widened. "Oh shit." He whispered. "Here." He took out a baseball cap and put it over your head, hiding your face from the camera.

He gets out of his seat quickly pulling you along with him to the back of the shop but before you could say anything he had his wand pulled out.

Next thing you saw was a couch and living room.

"Wow." You panted. "What a way to bring a girl home."

"I apologise Y/N, I block them out so much I forget they're even there and now they've seen you, and have a story and -"

"Wait, wait, wait, are you wanted for murder or something?"

Harry walks over to his bookshelf and pulls out a rather large book. After opening up on the table, he waved his wand over it and beckons you over to read it.

'Boy who lived.'

'Golden boy defeats Voldemort'

'winner of Triwizard tournament'

And there was so much more… 'Harry Potter' in bold just strewn across the pages. His whole life story.

Your eyes widen at everything. "So both and neither. War hero. How come I've never heard of you? Or any of this?"

He smiles at the pages fondly, running his fingers across the letters and reminiscing on his times at Hogwarts.

"Unlike you Avengers, we like to keep our business private and quiet. We don't like prying eyes."

You scoff. "Not our fault we have alien invasions every year."

Harry agreed and for the rest of the night you sat on his couch talking and sometimes arguing, over every little thing. It felt like you two had known each other forever.

You're not sure when, but you fell asleep there and woke with your head on his chest and his arm wrapped around your waist. You're not sure how the two of you ended up this way, and you realized you were practically strangers, but you didn't want to move. You just wanted to tangle your fingers through his dark hair.

But you didn't. Instead you stared at his closed eyes, and focused on his long, dark, eyelashes that fluttered a little from time to time. You thought about how you could get used to this. Waking up with his arm wrapped around you.

You told him last night that if he was actually a serial killer, and wanted to kill you that you had a whole team of people who would rip him limb from limb. He had no doubts and looked actually scared of your threat.

You thought about what it'd be like to live here among people like you.

Stomach grumbling, you decided to get up and see if he had anything you could make for him. It's the least you could do. His face turned when you left his arms, but you quickly pulled the blanket over him so he would be able to sleep a little longer.

You found his bathroom, and washed your face. In your backpack was a toothbrush and some toothpaste so you brushed your teeth, fixed your hair, and got dressed.

By the time you got out of the bathroom, you noticed Harry was still sleeping so you went into the kitchen and tried to find anything remotely close to breakfast foods. By the look of his inventory, you could tell he was very good at cooking but hadn’t been to the store in a while. He did have some eggs and toast though so you decided to make that.

In the middle of it, you got a phone call from Strange.

“Strange?”

“Harry Potter.” he says.

“What?” you were so confused as to how Stephen knew ANYTHING.

“You’re in his place, we've been tracking you.”

“So I guess we should probably have a talk about privacy? I don’t know, it just seems like something we should discuss you know? Cause usually people can respect that - especially people who just DUMP you here in the first place -“

“Calm down that’s what the mission was. While you were sleeping, we searched the place with a camera we put on you and he’s not who we thought he was. You completed the mission L/N. Great job.”

“Is he a danger?”

“Not necessarily. Just making sure your fine is all.”

“What -?”

He hung up.

Why wouldn’t Strange tell you his intentions? Why would he let you stay here if he thought Harry might have been a bad guy? Why would he risk that?

Right as you hung up Harry Potter walked into the kitchen with his lenses in between his shirt - he was cleaning his glasses.

His dark hair hung over his eyes but his eyebrows were raised.

“You made breakfast?”

“It was the least I could do. I didn’t mean to fall asleep but thank you for letting me stay.”

He smiled and put his glasses back on. In doing so his gray shirt lifted and you could see his abs. You turned away a blushed.

“It was no big deal. Thank you for making breakfast, love. You didn’t have to.”

You didn’t say anything and instead placed both of your finished plates on the dining room table. He followed you and sat down immediately digging in.

“These are the best eggs i’ve ever eaten Y/N thank you.”

You smiled in response but then frowned remembering your conversation with Strange. You should probably tell Harry.

“So,” you cleared your throat. “You were wrong.”

He gave you a look that meant “about?”

“Dr. Strange - the wizard I work with - he likes to check out potential threats and make sure that ya’know - the earth stays safe and everything. Je can kind of see the future and its propabilities. He did the same thing with Thor and his brother Loki.”

“Okay, go on.”

You cringed. “And so he called me and told me that he sent me here so he could see you? I don’t know I guess he saw you as a threat and wanted to make sure you weren’t.”

You looked at Harry but his face was clear of any and every emotion. He just continued to eat his eggs. It was silent.

You ate a bit at your eggs too until he spoke up which made you look up.

“I can’t say I’m very surprised honestly. With everything you guys manage to fuck up there I’d wanna know if someone else was about to create shit problems too.”

You sighed with relief. He wasn’t mad.

“I’m sorry really Harry, I didn’t even know.”

“No yeah it’s fine. I get it. I still think he sent you specifically for a reason though. There’s just no way we aren’t soul mates or something.”

“Oh shut up Potter.”

He smiled. “I’ve been thinking.”

“Gee your head must hurt.”

He squints at you jokingly. “You should let me take you out. I can show you around today. Y’know, so you can see what wizards are like.”

“Is this a date?”

His face flushes red and he looks down at his plate. “Yeah, yeah it’s a date.”

And a date it was.

“What the fuck is wrong with you Harry! Again?!” You practically screamed. Harry called it aparation but you call it hell. You let it go the first time but damn. He barely even warned you, just took your hand, held it tight, pulled you close, and waved his wand.

It was teleportation. Something you’ve never ever done before.

“Fucking hell Potter I’m going to murder you.”

“And Strange was worried about your safety? This is like your 4th time threatening to end my life and besides, it wasn’t even that bad.”

You rolled your eyes.

Throughout the day Harry showed you all sorts of things you’d never ever seen before. This consisted of every flavor jelly beans (and by every flavor they really meant every flavor), a chocolate frog, and never ending bubble gum. And that was just on the candy side.

He took you inside this joke shop ran by two of his friends from his old school he called hogwarts. They were twins that went by the names of Fred and George. The only twins you had ever met was Wanda and Pietro but telling the story of Pietro’s death seemed to sour Harry’s mood but excite the twins. The fact that he sacrificed himself for a little boy made him a hero in their eyes. They begged you to tell them more stories.

By the end of the day you went back to Harry’s place and you were exhausted. You can’t believe all that you’ve seen and eaten. How was this stuff even possible? How was it all hidden? You were amazed.

Harry was glad to see you had a good day and glad that he had met you. When you got back, he told you that you could stay another night...and perhaps in the bed instead of the couch. He hadn’t meant it in a dirty way but that didn’t stop you from laughing until tears came out of your eyes. He was so awkward at times. Once he had to ask if it was okay to take your hand while you were in the street and it was so cute how he couldn’t really find the words even for something as simple as hand holding.

“Harry?”

“Hm?”

You both were laying in his bed facing the other.

“I had a lot of fun today. I feel like i’ve known you forever.”

He grinned from ear to ear and was glad that you couldn’t see him. He would have been beyond embarrassed if you’d seen how unmistakably happy that made him.

“I had fun with you Y/N. You’re great company.”

You were silent for a moment.

And another.

“Harry?”

“Yes?”

“Can I kiss you?”

You were scared of his response and your heart was practically beating out of your chest. What if he was just being friendly? What if he just wanted to be friends? You would have made a huge fool of yourself. You were going to turn away embarrassed until his hand came up to your face and slipped onto your cheek. He was so warm. His lips pressed against yours for a moment and then he pulled away.

After a moment he reconnected and moved his lips against yours slowly. Your hand went to the back of his neck and toyed with his hair. He groaned into your mouth. You smiled and scooted even closer to him. All you could hear was the sound of your breathing and kissing. You didn’t want to pull away but you had to.

“Harry.” you said practically breathless.

“Yeah.” he was breathless too.

“I want to show you my world. You should come see New York.”

“Yeah? You wanna show me those alien invasions and robot attacks?”

You laughed and snuggled into Harry. He wrapped his arm around you and kissed your neck.

“Mhmm.”

“I’d love to see it.”

Tags:

@romance-geek @gooseyhouse

[sola-whumping]

Umbran: The New Master

CW: pet whump, dehumanization, treating a whumpee as a nonperson, nonhuman whumpee, fae whump, heavily conditioned whumpee, nonsexual nudity (taking care of wounds)

Word count: 3,306

Nox woke slowly, his senses returning one by one. The first thing he was aware of was the soft surrounding him and the gentle hand running through his hair. The second thing he was aware of was the soft feminine humming, it was gentle and soothing like a summer breeze. He listened to the melody for a while, getting lost in the sound. He didn’t want to wake quite yet and fought the awareness that threatened to come for him. There would be pain waiting for him when he woke, he was sure of it. The last thing he was aware of was the tightness of the bandages around his chest and throat and the pain they caused him. He gave a small whine of discomfort. His bandages were not so tight that he couldn’t breathe, but not so loose that they were useless. Eventually, he was dragged to consciousness. 

“Good morning, Umbran, are you awake?” The humming had stopped in favor of speaking. Nox opened his eyes, remembering what had happened the day before. He had been sold again. 

“’M ‘wake.” He felt heavy, as if he’d been drugged. He vaguely remembered being bitten and recalled that this was the vampire, Evangeline. Gabrial had warned him about her. He tried to sit up, only to be eased back onto the bed. 

“You are hurt. You will answer my questions and rest. Once I am satisfied, you may have a bath and a meal.” The way she said it sounded a lot like mercy, though he knew there would be a catch. For the bath he expected ice water and to be held under. That’s what a bath had meant to Gabrial. The meal would surely be laced, if not outright poisoned. He was never fed that easily. Immediately suspicious but unable to do anything about it, he agreed. 

“What are your name and pronouns? I want to make sure I received the right creature.” Nox figured it was likely that she knew umbrans didn’t have any gender binary. Instead, they were physically non-binary, and while some leaned towards male or female (he leaned male), it was much more common that they were androgynous or didn’t fit the human stereotype at all. It was generally polite to ask an Umbrans pronouns or call them ‘they’ or ‘it’ instead of guessing. He also figured that Gabrial had promised her something better than him. 

“N-ox,” he croaked. His throat was dry and burned when he spoke. As soon as he made noise, the vampire lifted him and placed him in a sitting-up position. She put a cup of sweetened water to his lips, gently urging him to drink. 

He was grateful for the water. He hadn’t had any since before he was shipped. She turned cruel as soon as he tried to drink, only giving him a small bit of water at a time and then keeping the rest out of reach. Eventually, slowly, he drank the whole cup. He wanted more water. He was so dehydrated that he felt like he couldn’t get enough. He tried to ask for more, to plead if he had to, but his throat felt like fire, and when he made noise, he coughed weakly. 

His struggles were soon rewarded with another cup, filled with the same sugar water as the last. The only difference was that this one was a bit cooler and he was a bit less desperate. He still swallowed it down as quickly as he was allowed. 

The vampire gently reminded him of the question after the glass was stolen away once more. “Nox, m-ale pronouns,” he rasped. His throat felt a little better. He felt a little better. 

“Are you hungry, Nox?” He faintly realized he was desperate enough to not care if any food given to him was laced. Gabrial, his seller, had only ever fed him after he passed out and woke up again or in the days before shipping. He was more than hungry: he was starved. He gave a weak whine. He knew if she was asking that then she either intended to taunt and starve him or feed him, and he preferred the latter. 

She seemed to take the whine as his response, and in the next moment, there was a spoonful of something that smelled heavenly in his face. It was potato soup. He used to love potato soup. He was grateful to be allowed to eat something warm when he hadn’t done anything to earn it yet.. Something that wasn’t moldy bread was a treat in itself. 

He tried to rush and comply before she had a chance to change her mind about feeding him, trying to make it easier and maybe even feed himself. He failed. He was still heavy and weak and exhausted. All he managed to do was lean forward and open his mouth. His attempt was pathetic. 

“Good boy, that’s it. Easy, darling.”  She praised and cooed at him while he struggled for each bite. When the bowl was almost empty, she helped him drink bit more water before letting him finish the bowl. “Very good!” She ran her fingers through his hair and scratched his scalp. He was too weak to lean into the touch, but he felt a happy warmth in his chest. 

He hadn’t been called “good” or praised often, if at all, with Gabrial. It was no secret that the umbran hated him. He was often used as a plaything to beat around and hurt, rather than treated like the pets that were trained and sold. They got to find a forever home while he was rented for a party or a beating for a night or to someone who wasn’t sure if they wanted a Pet or not. He shivered at the memories and tried to focus on what was happening in the present. 

“Alright, sweetheart, it’s bath time. We need to clean those wounds and get you washed up.” Evangeline spoke to him as if he was a child. “Liam, darling, if you could.”

Suddenly, someone big and tall left the wall where they had been leaning and approached the bed Nox had been laying on. He hadn’t noticed them until they had moved and that worried him, he must be more out of it than he thought. He panicked slightly and keened in distress when he felt an arm slip under his knees and another tighten across his shoulders. He was lifted effortlessly- like he was weightless. Once he was picked up and stabilized, he could identify the figure as a tall human male- at least... he thought it was a male. Humans were supposed to have physical features that showed their preferred gender, but he could never tell. Gender was a human construct anyway. It was much better to learn the person rather than assuming. 

They spoke softly to him and he could feel their deep voice rumbling in their chest. “Hello, little birdy. My name is Liam.” Their arms felt strong around him and Nox almost felt… safe, being carried like this.

Nox gave a shy “Hello.” He liked Liam’s voice. They sounded calming and friendly even though their strength scared him. 

Nox was carried to another room. This one was painted a light blue. There was a big bathtub and shower. It was large enough that his wings wouldn’t be squished- if he still had them. He didn’t get to see the other half of the room until he was undressed and lowered into the already filled tub. There was a white foam on the top of the water that he considered beautiful. The water felt lovely. It was so warm that the heat immediately seeped into his bones. 

When he glanced up, something squeaked in his face, startling him badly and making him chirp in surprise. “Awww, Noxie, it’s just a rubber duck,” his master cooed at him, handing him a bright yellow toy. It was plastic and didn’t look at all like a duck. He squeezed it and startled himself again when it made a squeak sound.. He looked up to see her amused. 

He noticed some of the bubbles had clung to his arm when he moved. Curious, he licked it. It did not taste good at all despite how appealing it looked. His tongue stayed poked out as he recoiled. He heard his master laugh, and suddenly there was a dry towel wiping away the bubbles. 

“There, there, little darling, nothing to be distressed over.” She soothed. “Now we know that we can’t eat bubbles.” She sounded amused so Nox chirped at her, happy to have attention. 

He surveyed the water. If he was held under and waterboarded, it would be better than the cold water, right? Or would the bubbles compensate and make it worse. He couldn’t decide, so he figured he would have to wait and see. 

His master must have seen his expression because she spoke in a calm, soothing voice. “That’s Birdy bubble bath, made specifically not to hurt your feathers.” That hadn’t been what he had been worrying over- in fact, he hadn’t considered that the soap could hurt him at all-- but it was good to know. In response, he carefully lowered himself into the warm water, assuming that’s what she wanted him to do.  

Evangeline shielded his eyes and filled a cup with water before pouring it over him carefully to wet his hair. Then he felt something cold in the center of his hair. When he chirped a question, his master was kind enough to answer. 

“Just some shampoo, darling. I know I’m not supposed to use things like this on your hair, but I have to get the blood out somehow.” Her hands were gentle, not pulling or yanking even a little. He was fully expecting to be forced under, but- it hadn’t happened yet. The anticipation of waiting was almost as bad as the drowning itself. 

“Yes, ma’am.” He stayed still and quiet as the thing in his hair turned into more bubbles. They started white like the ones around him but soon turned a light pink. He was ordered to tip his head back, and upon complying, another cup of water was poured in his hair. 

This is it, this is where I get pushed under. He was in the perfect position; she could hold him under almost effortlessly like this. Not that he would fight at all. He was a good pet, and if she wanted to drown him, he’d stay under just like she wanted. 

“Sit up for me, treasure. I have to use conditioner, and then we will use the scrub brush and dry you up.” She led him up as he followed her guidance. As she had said, she put conditioner in his hair, carding her fingers through it as she went. 

Nox had to fight to stay still and not lean into the slight scratch of his scalp. He did adore being pet- not that he got the chance often. After she carded through his hair a bit, it became silky and smooth, though he knew it would be soft and fluffy once dried. 

She had him lean back again, shushing his little whimper as water got in his ears. He didn’t want to be drowned and this would be her best chance to do it. After this, she wouldn’t have to convince him back down into the water. He held his breath, but she only washed the conditioner gently from his hair. 

When he was let up again, he almost gasped out of shock. “Good job, little Birdy, you did very well for me. Now, I need you to stay still so I can clean your wounds. We don’t want them getting infected, now do we?” She hummed. 

Nox flinched. Cleaning wounds usually meant alcohol and painful healing and bandages wrapped so tight he couldn’t breathe. Getting an infection was usually kinder than the prevention methods. 

He flinched again when something gentle touched his back. His master placed a hand on his chest to stop him from moving away as she gently washed away the blood, cooing and soothing his whimpers when he started to get nervous. 

He was waiting for it to hurt, waiting for the salt and vinegar and alcohol to be poured. He wasn’t used to the gentle cloth wiping away his blood- not when he was still scared that the gentle touch would turn rough and rub his back raw. 

Nox took a breath to steady himself. Fear wouldn’t change the outcome. Whatever his master wanted to happen would happen and nothing he can do would change that. He took comfort in the helplessness. Nothing he could do would change anything, He repeated the words to himself, taking another deep breath and letting himself relax. Whatever will happen will happen. He focused on the hand on his chest and the cloth on his back, slowly cleaning the blood away. He took comfort in the helplessness. 

The water was a light pink now and some of his wounds had started bleeding again. His master pressed a cloth against the freshly reopened wounds to stem the bleeding and held it there until it had mostly stopped. 

When all the blood was gone, he was washed with something that smelled sweet and then taken out of the tub, only to be swiftly wrapped up in a warm towel. It was a dark color so the blood didn’t stain and could be washed out later. The towel was also strangely warm. His master had placed it on an odd sideways stand that radiated heat while he had been in the bath, presumably for that purpose. Regardless, he was grateful..

Nox was dried up and his hair was brushed before he even knew what was happening. He was a bit shocked going from the warm water to the cold air so quickly. He started to tremble from the cold. “Shh, we’ll get you warmed up, just hold on,” his master cooed, connecting an odd-looking piece of plastic to the wall. 

She turned it on, causing warm air to blow from it as if it was magic, creating wind effortlessly. He flinched when the warm air was suddenly on his face, then in his hair, then on the feathers trailing down the back of his neck. The magic wind felt lovely. It was nice and warm, chasing away the cold. After a few minutes he stopped trembling, his hair no longer wet. 

His master brushed it out and ran a hand through the now fluffy black mixed with brown. Now that he was clean, they could see the colors in his hair blended and mixed, like a molted feather pattern rather than anything human. His master hummed at him, thinking he looked adorable with his head tilted curiously at the blow dryer. 

“Can you walk, or should Liam carry you again?” She asked as she gently coaxed him into putting on a fluffy hoodie and some sweatpants. She would worry about decorum later, right now, her pet was in need of comfort. She had some rather strong words for his seller. She had ordered a pet, not a slave, and had expected him to have been treated with kindness rather than shoved in a box and strangled. She shook her head. It was practically animal cruelty, and the creature was so sweet that she didn’t think he could have done anything to deserve it. 

Nox had gone from gazing at the magic wind creator to backing in the warm blanket and the feeling of being clean, only to be snapped out of it with the question. “I-I can try, master.” He sounded terrified, but he did his best to suppress it. He hadn’t been hurt yet, and he didn’t think he’d be cleaned and dressed only to get all bloody again. Surely they wanted him for something else first- at least, he hoped. He tried not to be scared; vampires could smell fear, and being scared always made hurt time worse. They liked when he was afraid. Sometimes Gabrial said that the only good things about him were his pretty tears and his pleading. 

She almost cooed at him, the poor dear was so skittish. He sounded terrified of picking wrong. “That’s alright, darling, you just focus on resting. I’ll give you your rules tomorrow and I’ll write an email to that trainer of yours. They’ve been far too cruel to you.” 

Nox immediately tensed up when he heard email. That meant he was getting sent back. He didn’t even hear the rest of the sentence, too caught up in what he did wrong to warrant being sent back. Why would they clean him if they didn’t want him? Unless- unless he had answered wrong. Maybe they wanted him to be cute and helpless and need help with walking. Surely he was hurt before arriving for a reason. “I- I meant only if I was allowed, master- I didn’t want to assume- I’ve been so arrogant-“ he kept cutting himself off, too anxious to finish his sentence. “I’m s-sorry, plea-please don’t send me back” he pleaded. If nothing else, he begged well and cried beautifully for his masters. He hoped desperately that somehow he would be allowed to stay. He felt hot tears slip down his cheeks, sparkling with pastel colors. He truly was a pretty crier. 

The shine of light caught Evangeline’s eye. “Oh, sweetheart, what happened? What’s wrong, darling?” She tipped his head up by his chin and wiped away his tears, hushing the distressed umbran. “What’s got you so upset?” 

“You- you’re going to send me back,” he cried, distressed. He had been told if he was sent back before the first week, he’d be whipped again- it hadn’t even been a day. He couldn’t take it again so soon. He wouldn’t be able to stand it and the pain was unbearable. He was terrified of what would happen, less scared of Gabrial but rather the consequences that came with it. 

Evangeline was startled by his terror. “Oh darling, sweet treasure, you’re not being sent back, love.” She took his face in her hands and wiped away his tears. “Now that you’re mine, I wouldn’t let you go so easily.” It sounded like a comfort, but it wasn’t worded like one. Nox didn’t know how to feel until he felt a hand making its way  through his soft hair. Slowly, he let himself calm down. 

“Maybe a choice this soon is too much for you. Would you like me to pick for you?” She sounded like she was talking to an upset three year old- and Nox responded like one, nodding slightly and giving a small “mhm” as he was pet. 

“That’s alright, darling.” She cooed, turning to Liam. “Could you carry him? The poor thing is distressed.” Liam obeyed, moving to pick Nox up effortlessly. 

He carried Nox to his room. Liam set Nox down on his side in a little nest made of blankets rather than on his back. Then he stepped back so Evangeline could see Nox. she sat in a chair by his bed and spoke softly to calm him.

“It’s alright, sweetheart, you’re safe. No one will hurt you here. I’m sure you’re very tired, so I’ll make this quick, alright, darling?” She grabbed a great big blanket and draped it over him. 

Nox had started to relax with the soft voice. He felt safer under the blanket. It was cozy and warm and made him feel secure. When he looked up at his new master, he was greeted with a kind smile and a kiss on the forehead. She trailed a hand gently down his face so he would close his eyes. 

“Night night, Noxie.” And just like that, he was out.

✨Masterlist✨

Taglist: @haro-whumps @poisoned-by-royalty @sunset-avenuer @wide-awake-but-comatose @whumpsy-daisies @misspelledwitch @string-of-broken-hearts @captainseconds @lave-whump @whumping-out-of-time

[arcticdementor]

Sitting on the couch watching TV earlier this month, my wife read to me a headline from her iPhone. “Listen to this,” she said: “There are only 15 lesbian bars left in the entire country.”

“Great,” I said, “We’ll each get our own.”

Lesbian bars have always been vastly outnumbered by bars for straight people and gay men, but in the 1980s, there were more than 200 lesbian bars in the U.S. What happened? Well, a lot of them sucked. The first lesbian bars I went to in my early 20s were dank, smoky caves where women in khaki shorts and backward caps grinded on each other to Outkast. They could have been frat bars if not for the notable absence of men.

…

But there’s something else going on right now, because it’s not just lesbian bars that are disappearing; it’s lesbian as a category itself.

After Portland’s last lesbian bar closed in 2010, as Ellena Rosenthal explored in the Willamette Week, there were attempts to start lesbian-specific nights at various venues, but most avoided the L-word to appear inclusive of trans and nonbinary people. One event, called Temporary Lesbian Bar, apologized after being accused of condoning “trans women exterminationism” for using the labrys — a double-headed ax that symbolizes female strength and has long been a part of lesbian iconography — in their logo. That event still exists (or did before Covid), but the organizers make sure to advertise that, despite the name, it’s “open, inclusive, and welcoming to all people.” (Oddly, these fights only seem to occur around women’s space, not men’s. If gay bars, bathhouses, and clubs go extinct, it will be because of Covid, not because of infighting over inclusion.)

Portland may be a parody of PC, but it’s not an outlier. When I came out in North Carolina in the early 2000s, the term “lesbian” was fading and “queer” was rapidly rising. Most of my peers saw lesbians as stodgy, old-fashioned, and uncool, whereas queers were hip, edgy, and inclusive. Yet “queer” is vague enough to mean nearly anything, so the label says less about your love life and more about your politics. (I propose we all start using the Kinsey Scale instead.)

The flight from “lesbian” has accelerated since. An academic in the Southeast, who asked to remain anonymous, told me that when she mentioned to a colleague that she’s a lesbian, the colleague “reacted like I’d confessed to being a Confederate Lost-Causer. She told me that the term is outdated and problematic, and I shouldn’t use it.” So the lesbian keeps quiet about her identity: “It’s like living in a second closet.”

Not long ago, it would have been the Christian right stigmatizing homosexual women. Today, it’s also from people who call themselves queer.

…

Nonbinary people say that the identification liberates them from the prison of gender, but for others, it doesn’t dismantle gender roles and stereotypes; it reinforces them. It legitimizes the idea that there’s an intractable gender binary in the first place. Instead of saying, “I’m a woman and I reject gender roles,” NB ideology says, in effect, “I reject gender roles and therefore I’m not a woman.”

Joycelyn MacDonald, the editor-in-chief of the lesbian site AfterEllen, has seen the NB ideology pushed by well-intended people and she worries about the unintended consequences. “When we say that femininity is equivalent to womanhood, we leave no space for women, gay or straight, to be gender non-conforming,” she told me. “Butch lesbians especially have fought for the right to claim space as women, and now women are running from that instead of boldly stepping into it. It’s another way of saying ‘I’m not like other girls,’ and it’s demeaning to other women.”

This is not a popular position in some queer communities, and AfterEllen is routinely accused of being transphobic. In 2018, Rhea Butcher, a nonbinary comic, tweeted: “You don’t represent me or my friends and your website is a sham. You’re not a lesbian/bisexual website, you’re a TERF website.” (“TERF" stands for “trans-exclusionary radical feminist” and is not, to put it mildly, a compliment.) Butcher’s tweet is typical, and it’s part of what makes having this conversation so fraught.

There’s been no clear polling on the shift from “lesbian” to “nonbinary,” and so my sense that the lesbian is endangered is purely anecdotal. But there are plenty of anecdotes. After I put out a call on Twitter asking lesbians for input, my inbox filled with emails from women who said vast portions of their friend groups have adopted new labels and pronouns. But none feel like they can openly discuss it, which is apparent by the number who asked to remain anonymous: all of them.

…

Some feminists argue that women are so oppressed in society that opting out of womanhood is a way of opting out of oppression. I’m skeptical. Why didn’t women do this decades ago, when oppression was objectively greater? Besides, enbies are more likely to be Smith undergrads than, say, immigrants getting assaulted at the border.

And there’s another not-so popular explanation: that it’s a fad, a form of social contagion.

I’m aware that this will be offensive to some people. The concept of a fixed, internal gender identity has become sacrosanct, and it’s viewed as something deeply personal and meaningful, like the soul. But humans are social creatures and we are easily influenced by our peers. This isn’t a moral judgment, just a fact, and I’ve seen how it plays out in my own peer circle. First one person comes out as nonbinary, then another, then another, and then one day half the dykes you know go by “they.” Add social media to the mix, and fawning profiles of nonbinary people in the press, and you’ve got yourself a mass cultural phenomenon.

I ran this theory by a therapist who specializes in LGTBQ issues. (She asked to remain anonymous, so I’ll call her Tara.) Tara told me that while the most common complaints of her young female patients involve gender identity, it’s not an issue with older patients. The older ones struggle with their sexuality or their relationships, but aside from a few transexuals with dysphoria, gender identity doesn’t come up. And young women, in particular, are prone to social contagion. We’ve seen this in many areas: eating disorders, cutting, exercising, yawning, strange fits of laughter, and even (forgive the term) hysteria.

When I asked Tara if social contagion could be the cause of the nonbinary movement, she paused for long enough that I thought she may have hung up the phone. “Yes,” she said. “But I can’t really say that to anyone.” The professional risks are too great.

[blogsanscontext]

A Closer Look at: Momoe Sawaki’s character arc; by a nonbinary (trans) viewer.

CW: Major spoilers for Wonder Egg Priority + mentions and discussion of sexual assault, transphobia, lesbophobia, self-harm; please proceed with caution.

Wonder Egg Priority came as a relatively pleasant surprise for me; I heard about it some time after the first few episodes aired, but I never actively went out of my way to ever try to watch it myself until, that is, a few days ago. I must say, I’m glad to have taken the initiative to experience such anime on my own.

With a stunning animation to accompany the heavy subjects this work touches on, I quickly fell in love with it; all the characters feel very grounded in reality, with their struggles (even someone like Neiru’s, who is a literal genius and CEO of her own company) feeling relatable in one way or another. Episode 7 became my favorite due to this very thing, Rika’s problems were things that not only have I seen in other works before, but that I know exist because of the stories told in the news every so often. It only helped, in my opinion, that they gave a character with her background such a hopeful ending.

That being said, Wonder Egg is not a perfect anime, and though I didn’t expect it to be in the first place, I do think talking about why some of the ways it handles a specific character of the main cast are problematic are worth the time. When I mentioned that “all the characters feel very grounded in reality”, I actually only meant three of them, a.k.a.: Ai, Rika and Neiru. The reason Momoe is not included in this group is what I will be discussing in the next paragraphs.

This anime lets you know, right off the bat, that it will not stray away from heavy subjects throughout the duration of its runtime; the show deals with suicidal idealization (and actual suicide as well as its aftermath; in fact, “female suicide” is at the very core of the show and is what essentially moves it forward), self-harm, sexual assault, same-sex relationships, transphobia, and being a gender noncomforming person in a society that punishes you for not adhering to the roles it has imposed on you since childhood. The last points are the ones I took issue with, however, and though they are mostly the show’s fault, they also took it upon themselves to make Momoe be at the center of all three.

See, when we are first introduced to Momoe, we can guess by context that she is a girl, however, the other characters aren’t aware of this fact yet, and so they seemingly go out of their way to call her a boy, which makes her deeply uncomfortable, and this (ie. her reaction to be treated or perceived as a boy) is a running theme throughout her arc. This, in itself, isn’t really the worst creative direction to take with a character, it’s a story that has been told time and time again, but there is a problem with the way Wonder Egg Priority specifically deals with it: Momoe is cisgender, and so far, there hasn’t been a sign of this changing whatsoever, so she will most likely remain cis until the show ends. Normally, a story about a gender noncomforming cis person wouldn’t be seen as anything out of the extraordinary, as I’ve mentioned before, but it seems that they wanted to… “innovate”, so to say, with her character. And it’s this innovation, in my opinion, that which makes Momoe’s struggles miss the mark for me.

Momoe is perceived, almost ridiculously so, as a boy by whoever even so much as stumbles upon her; her followers on Instagram most likely worship her because they’re under the impression that she’s a bishounen, and yet the show goes out of its way to deal with just how uncomfortable this makes her. This is the issue I take with her and her arc: the show has a keen awareness of AFAB people’s issues, and treats them with the respect they deserve (which is not to say some jokes at their expense aren’t made, but in general this tone is kept throughout the duration of the story), and yet the tone-deaf manner in which they deal with her issues feels… disappointing, to say the least.

Momoe’s struggles, though they are valid on their own, are not a societal issue, no matter how one may look at them; if she were a trans person (either a trans girl, boy, or nonbinary), the strong emphasis on her discomfort at being misgendered would have made so much more sense. The reason why ‘switching around’ the stereotype of a tomboy falls flat on its face is that there is no real pressure from society to present feminine, it’s what they want you to, or more accurately, force you to do if you’re perceived as being assigned female at birth; however, this is not where my issues with Momoe’s arc and character end.

At first, I imagined a variety of (albeit vague, still reasonable) reasons as to why this show couldn’t have just made Momoe be trans, and semi-understanding of this decision; that was, of course, until I watched the actual episode mostly focused on her struggles, and that’s when I got slightly mad. Being honest, I still think it was a good episode, and it definitely made Momoe seem way more sympathetic than any of her past appearances, but it also perfectly highlighted my problem with her, and subsequently, the show itself: using queer people’s actual, realistic, problems in order to push her, a cisgender character, forward.

The thing with Wonder Egg Priority is that I love how, despite all these girls literally risking their lives to save a specific person, they still seem to have conflicting feelings about them (ie. Rika’s mocking of Chiemi, Ai’s frustration towards Koito, etc.) but I also take issue with this when it comes to Momoe specifically; Haruka is very much intended to be seen as gay, yet when push comes to shove, we are supposed to be taking Momoe’s side in this conflict. We, the audience, see these events from her point of view, and are therefore made to feel, in one way or another, uncomfortable with Haruka’s attraction for her. Yes, Momoe has worked hard to bring her back to life, but the fact that she’s cis and heterosexual stands; this isn’t just exclusive to Haruka, however, but every egg she’s had to save in order to get her friend back. All of them express a clear attraction for Momoe, “despite her being a girl”, and it’s just very easy to read these attitudes as wlw-phobic, extremely so.

My biggest issue though lies within the very existence of Kaoru’s character, the trans boy she has to protect in the episode mainly focused on her; while he is an endearing and sympathetic character, and I like that despite him presenting ‘majorly female’, Momoe never misgenders him. The thing is: he’s made out to be almost a “parallel” of her own gender-related issues, and this is just a very tone-deaf statement to make; trans people fighting not to be misgendered, fighting to be called their chosen name (something Momoe, while being cis, can just freely enjoy) - trans people’s pain is very much real, which the show is aware of, but Momoe’s is very much an individual’s problem rather than the way society actually works, which Wonder Egg is seemingly unaware of, for whatever reason.

Before I arrive at my last point on why this comparison doesn’t work, I would like to quickly point out the fact that most, if not all, the eggs the girls have had to save until this point were specifically meant to be girls, in one way or another. Therefore, taking this into account, Kaoru makes me feel… a lot of things, the more time I spend thinking about it; the show acknowledges he’s a boy, though not cis of course, but still very much a boy, yet also places him in this very much ‘female’ space; no matter how I looked at it, I could find explanations both for an opinion in favor of this decision (the way a lot of trans men’s problems are defined by our patriarchal society seeing them as women) as well as some for an opinion against this decision (the fact that it could be read as the show ultimately deciding he’s ‘female-aligned’, etc.) and though I won’t be discussing this decision in-depth, I still possess that it’s an event worth examining from different lenses.

Now, onto the actual element that got me heated about Kaoru serving as a parallel to Momoe’s struggles: Kaoru was not only sexually assaulted by a man who’s always thought of him as a ‘pretty, delicate girl’, his death directly relates to the fact that he was abused and then impregnated by this man for not living up to his gross ideal of what a man and a woman are; contrast this to Momoe, who pretty much gets the treatment Kaoru would love to have: she’s pretty much right off the bat seen as a guy, she’s fawned over by women because of this fact as well, they literally call her ‘Momotaro’, etc. Taking all of this into account, it’s simply impossible for me to be okay with a comparison that ultimately decides a cisgender person’s discomfort is, in any sort of way, on equal grounds as a (might I remind you, dead) trans person’s basic human rights.

All in all, though her episode made me take a bigger liking to her character, it also served to almost perfectly highlight the very problem of her existence, as well as the “struggles” she’s intended to represent; I don’t hate Momoe in any sort of way, and though I know there must be someone somewhere who relates to her, I also think that they could’ve done something way more meaningful with her had they just made some changes that made her more realistic (as in, make her at least be LGBT rather than just cis and heterosexual); I will be patiently waiting for the finale, and who knows? Maybe something does change about her in the end, that would be even more of a pleasant surprise.

[randomingoftherandomness]

Hi, I’m sorry to bother you with this, but I was wondering about your distaste for S*a*g C*i. I’m not very familiar with the comics or the characters. Your post caught my attention because I try to be knowledgeable about the media I consume, especially coming from Marvel/Disney(being Jewish Rromani, I’ll never forgive them for what they did to Wanda). I tried googling information about it but couldn’t find much. I was just curious if your post had a deeper meaning or if it simply isn’t to your taste. Obviously feel free to ignore this if you don’t feel like getting into it or don’t want to answer.

Hi! First up, thanks for taking the chance to ask and being willing to listen. I appreciate that a lot.

I am going to preface this by saying that I am part of the Chinese diaspora. I have never read the comics in full but I have seen enough to formulate my own thoughts. All my opinions made here are my own and I’m not looking to debate or be persuaded or to shift my point of view. I have my mind about these things and you have yours. I do urge you to keep opening avenues of discussions as I should not be the only person being asked.

Also, heads up, I will block any sort of argumentative bs-ery.

SC is obviously made with the perspective of the Asian American lens in mind and I have seen it been pointed out that it isn’t meant to be ‘representative’ but let’s be real here. How many people in the tag have already been hyping it up as Asian rep and stuff? I’m just saying. I just want to say that the experiences of Asian Americans do not reflect those of the diaspora. Yes, we can relate to a certain extent, but to generalise and distill all experiences of all members of the diaspora into that of Asian Americans is unacceptable.

My issues with SC (not gonna bother with spelling the name out and we are going into the whys) are as follows:

I would recommend starting out by reading this article on cbr.com that goes a little further into detail on the history of the character

The tl;dr is this; SC started out as an insensitive East Asian stereotype character created to capitalise on the 1970s fervour for anything Kung Fu. Sure, Marvel has done their best to retcon some of the less stellar parts of his origins, but the funniest thing is (legend. big bro. uncle Tony) Tong Leung, a renown Hong Kong actor has been casted as The Mandarin while Simu Liu, a Canadian Chinese actor, was casted as SC. Make of that what you will.

Okay deadass I’m not saying Simu Liu won’t do a good job because at this point all we have to work on is a teaser trailer but I’m all saying that is, was Arthur Chen Feiyu not available or something?? Idk. He didn’t pick up the phone?? Did Marvel even ask?? This is nonsensical salt and I digress

Then there’s the name. What kinda hell name is S**** C**??? This is some Cho Chang level bullshit. Yeah, sure we can say, oh they just want to make sure the branding is right. Ok. This coming from the studio that amalgamated the characterisations of Ned Leeds and Ganke Lee. Sure, Jan.

Full disclosure, I did like some of the vibes given out by the teaser. There were some very wuxia and xianxia inspired shots and scenes and if I do watch, I’ll be very keen on these bits. Awkwafina already looks like she is set to be etched deep into my heart and Uncle Tony looks to be gearing up to kick this out of the park because goddamn he looks good in that armour. Haven’t seen Tan Sri Michelle Yeoh’s character, but I’m sure she will be kicking ass and taking names for sure too because I am very sure veterans like her and Uncle Tony will look good doing wire works. But this isn’t a movie about them, is it? It’s about SC and right now with this teaser trailer, nothing about SC makes me want to froth at the mouth to watch.

Yes, I am saying that that subway scene does not impress me. We live in a world with stunt teams from China can work on a peanut budget to make conversations flow in a fight scene. Do better.

Again, I am very aware that this teaser is to hype people up. I know. I am still waiting for the proper first trailer to drop. I have actually deliberately kept myself oblivious to the production of this movie so as to not give myself any sort of preconceived notions. When that first trailer drops, then I will formulate my thoughts again.

Okay, I know it’s a teaser but some of the cgi just looks... very uncanny valley? It looks unfinished, is what I am getting at here. For a mega conglomerate verging on industry monopoly, even a teaser trailer should look 1000% better than this. Every beat of this should be flawless. It should look on par with the trailer. People who follow will know that I won’t ever fault a product because of shitty cgi (re: Word of Honor) but when you are the people behind the Live Adaptation of Mulan (which I hate) and Raya and the Last Dragon (which I categorically DETEST because that shit is bullshit mishmash of SEA cultures with fucking made up words being painted as *representation* and that is some fucking bullshit and as someone from SEA I’m sorry Queen Kelly Marie Tran BUT NO) I will hold you to the fucking standards of the high heavens as the House of the Devil Mouse deserves. Do fucking better.

I am not clairvoyant but I can already see how it is going to go when this movie doesn’t “do as well as expected” in Asia; you’ll hear people going on about how the Asian Asians don’t support these types of stories, how we don’t put effort into hyping movies and shows that push for representation. But can I ask whose representation are we talking about? I saw it with Crazy Rich Asians and Mulan, I saw it with Raya. Whose rep are we talking about? If someone out there, some little child sees themselves in these media products, sure, great! Empower these next generation for the push for a better hope. But whose rep are we pushing for? Because I definitely do not see myself in the Asian American lens of representation and I’m very sure I won’t ever and I know that I am not alone in this.

Hollywood needs to do better. To borrow the words of a friend, excusing mediocrity for ‘cultural appreciation’ is no good.

This rant has gotten long enough and I’m so sorry to everyone seeing this on your dash. I have a lot of salt today.

[accioromione]

Prompt: Ron looking at his and hermiones zodiac signs to see their compatibility when he’s in divination lol

Ahhhhhh!!!! Okay

Title: A Virgo and a Pisces (Takes place in fourth year before the goblet of fire says Harry’s name somewhere between ch 14 and 15 of GOF lol) 

‘Alright young minds, turn to chapter fourteen please’ professor Trewlawny said dreamily.

‘Today we will look upon the stars to see our inner selves!’

Ron opened his Divination textbook to chapter fourteen, which was titled “Astrology- Zodiac Characterisics”

‘Now only a few posess the gift of astrology, to be able to read the stars is not an easy task, but ancient astrologists who possessed the power of sight were able to understand the stars and the planets, and those born where the stars align into different shapes have different characteristics, is anyone here aware of their zodiac? And some characteristics that accompany it?’

Parvarti’s hand shot up in the sky

‘Yes my dear,’ said Professor Trelawney.

‘I’m a Capricorn! They’re supposed to be hard-working,’

‘Ahhh yes,’ said Professor Trelawney said, ‘the sea-goat’ she continued, and she emphasized her point by curling up her hands to make what appeared to be an imitation of horns at the front of her forehead.

‘Yes they are said to be very hard working, alas every capricorn I have known has died due to a work related illness,’ she continued, making parvarti look absolutely terrified, ‘but it is a good characteristic indeed, ten points to Gryffindor house.’

‘Anyone else?’ professor Trelawney continued, and many other hands shot into the air. She picked on Draco Malfoy’s.

‘Well, my birthday is June 5th, I suppose that’s a Gemini.’ Draco said, ‘I know we’re meant to be charming and whimsical.’

‘Ahhh yes the twins, very two- faced they say the Gemini’s are, those in astrology are very careful to trust Gemini’s. They are very untrustworthy indeed. Gemini’s are by far the most manipulative, superficial and deceitful of any zodiac. This leads to their downfall of course, most Gemini’s die by murder you see. Really a pity. 10 points to Slytherin.’

Draco looked furious, Ron and Harry sniggered.

‘And you two?’ Trewlaney asked, which caused Ron and Harry to stop laughing.

‘I’m March 1st- so I reckon I’m a Pisces’ Ron said, ‘used to see those astrology things on the daily profit’

‘Ahhh yes the fish,’ Trelawney said, and she put her hands on her cheeks to imitate a fish swimming.

‘Very passionate... very laid back but can be very temperamental, they are also very intuitive and empathetic. I quite like the fish. Be weary however, this empathy leads to great downfall, the Pisces are very trusting and often betrayed by those they trust most.’

Ron raised his eyebrows at Harry jokingly.

‘And you dear?’ Trelawney said turning to Harry.

‘I’m a Leo,’ Harry said.

‘Ah no surprise, the Lion.’ Trelawney said, licking the top of her hand as if she were a cat.

‘Yes, very brave the lions are, ready to dominate any task they set out to do. But alas, very VERY egotistical, this leads to their downfall as they tend to overestimate their abilities and refuse to accept any forms of critistism. They tend to die at an early because their confidence causes them to believe that they alone can do the most dangerous of tasks, shame.’

‘She might be on to something,’ Ron whispered, Harry elbowed him.

‘Unfortunately the time is something my eye can foresee but not control, we are out of time today. Your homework will be to write an essay on your zodiac sign, I would like you to use this book as well as other astrology resources you can find in the library to write about the characteristics of your zodiac. Please include good and bad character traits, which is in chapter fifteen. I would also like you to write about related careers, friendships, romantic relationships, and of course, the way your sign will lead to your ultimate death. For your romantic relationships, you should do it based on your sign compatibility in the book. The last part of chapter seventeen states the sign you are most romantically compatible with. It should be a minimum of four pages and a maximum of six pages, and you should show a clear astrological understanding of everything, you’re all dismissed.’

The class got up and Ron and Harry walked to the Great hall for lunch, they saw Hermione with two empty seats beside her.

‘How was divination?’ Hermione asked as the two took their seats.

‘Actually not bad, Astrology is pretty interesting, and she wasn’t too far off about Harry.’ Ron jokingly said, plating some food.

Hermione rolled her eyes, ‘Astrology is a bunch of make-believe it’s not backed up by any real science Ron.’

‘Sounds like something a Virgo would say,’ Ron joked.

‘How’d you know I’m a Virgo?’ Hermione asked.

‘The inner eye? I dunno- your birthday’s September 19... that’s a Virgo is it not?’ Ron asked, putting a spoonful of food in his mouth, Hermione looked at him curiously.

‘Yes... but how did you know? Most people only know their own signs.’ Hermione stated matter of factly.

‘I know Harry’s too, it’s the same as Ginny’s. No wonder you’re both mental.’ said Ron to Harry and Harry rolled his eyes.

‘Oh so is someone in your family a Virgo then?’ Hermione asked.

‘Er-no,’ Ron said, his ears red. The truth was that the reason he knew that Hermione was a Virgo was because he liked to read the horoscopes on the daily profit sometimes, and some days he would be curious as to what Hermione’s would say.

‘Percy was a day off from being a Virgo though, he’s technically a Leo-Virgo mix. Oh god, Percy’s what you get if you mix you two together,’ Ron added pointing at them, ‘makes sense in an odd way.’

‘Hey!’ Harry said indignantly.

‘I don’t make the rules, the stars do mate,’ Ron said matter of factly before putting another spoonful of food in his mouth.

‘The stars,’ Hermione scoffed, ‘pathetic.... it’s all made up... they make general terms that can apply to everyone.’

‘I dunno,’ Harry said picking up a spoonful of food and placing it in his own mouth, ‘She was pretty accurate about Malfoy,’ Harry sniggered. 

‘You can’t assume someone’s personality by the day they’re born, it’s completely illogical.’ Hermione stated, ‘Anyways I’m off to Arthimancy, a subject that is based on ACTUAL facts.’ She picked up her books and walked away. 

‘Such a fun girl, always a good time with Hermione.’ Ron said before picking up another spoonful of food. 

‘I can’t believe she wants us to write a four paged essay,’ Harry said, taking a swig of his juice. 

‘Yeah, characteristics I understand...But relationships? Now we have to talk about a whole other zodiac too,’ said Ron. 

‘Actually,’ Harry said taking out his Divination textbook, ‘I wonder who I’m compatible with....’ 

‘Do you even know Cho’s birthday?’ Ron asked, and Harry kicked him, Ron knew that Harry had developed a crush on the Ravenclaw seeker. 

‘Let’s see.....’ Harry said flipping through the book.. ‘Oh Leo okay there....Leo’s are compatible with Leo’s?’ 

‘Makes sense,’ said Ron, ‘egotistical and all, hey Ginny might stand a chance after all.’ 

‘Let's see you then,’ Harry said, annoyed that his zodiac stereotype was so vain it had to be compatible with itself. 

‘Okay Pisces lets see,’ Harry smirked at he looked read the book. 

‘Well? Go on,’ Ron said, tagging a swig of his own juice. 

‘Virgo,’ Harry said sniggering and Ron spit out his juice. 

‘Well-’ Ron sputtered, ‘I reckon Hermione’s right, this is all made up.’ 

‘Ah agreeing with your soul mate, very cute Ron.’ Harry said and Ron’s ears turned red. 

‘You’re taking the mickey,’ said Ron, grabbing the book from Harry. But when he looked down at the text in front of him, he saw that Harry was very much telling the truth, according to the book, a virgo was the sign he was most compatible with. 

Harry was sniggering, and Ron gave him a death stare. Hermione was HIS FRIEND. And she was a down pain sometimes, he loved her very much. But as a FRIEND. She wasn't ugly by any means....Actually...she had gotten even more good looking over the summer...and more curvaceous.... which Ron had tried not to notice too much... Wait what...What was he thinking? He shouldn't have been thinking about how curvaceous Hermione had gotten! 

‘Well reckon this is going to be an interesting essay at least,’ Harry said, ‘can’t believe she’s only giving us two days to do it.’ 

‘Yeah what’s that about? Mcgonagall is up our arses, Flitwick expects us to do all those charms and we've barely been back yet!’ said Ron annoyed. 

Harry nodded his head in agreement. 

------

That night Ron and Harry sat in the common room working on their essays. Hermione was in a chair by the fireplace, with her head buried in a piece of parchment, also writing furiously. 

‘How are we supposed to make this four pages?’ Ron asked Harry, ‘the book barely says anything, it just states character traits and who you’re compatible with.’ 

Harry flipped through the pages in his Divination textbook, ‘you’re right, should we go to the library?’ 

‘Might as well, I don't want to work on this any more than I have to already.’ Ron said picking up his quill and parchment, Harry followed suit. 

‘We're going to the library Hermione, want to come?’ Ron asked, Hermione looked up from her parchment and raised her eyebrows. 

‘You two are going to the library?’

‘Is that not what I just asked? Unless you want to write our divination essays for us.’ Said Ron, and Hermione frowned. 

‘No I do no not...to writing the essays...but alright to the library! I can finish Ancient Runes there, I like their big tables!’ Hermione said eagerly picking up her rucksack and getting off the chair. 

‘Right,’ said Ron, rolling his eyes at Hermione’s now beaming face. ‘You’d have think I asked her to go on a trip,’ Ron said to Harry as she eagerly chased behind them. 

The three of them made their way towards the library, Ron looked around for the Astrology section. 

‘Let's see....Ancient Runes.... oh Hermione would love this..okay okay... aha Astrology!’ said Ron, and Harry and him browsed books together. Both of them found some books that were along the lines they were looking for. 

Ron found two books, one called Compatibility of the Constellations and the other called, Constellations and Careers. Harry found two books as well, one called, The Fundamental Traits the Zodiacs, and the other called Astrology: The Signs and their Meanings. 

Both Ron and Harry took a seat at the long table Hermione was sitting at, buried deep into her work. Ron and Harry knew better than to disrupt Hermione when she was in work mode. 

Ron took out Compatibility of the Constellations and started to read. Skipping any part that didn’t show Pisces..he flipped through until he saw the mentioning of Pisces. To his luck he found exactly what he was looking for, explaining why he was compatible with certain signs as friends, Ron smiled approvingly when he saw Leo as being very compatible with Pisces as friends. He showed it to Harry who smiled back. Harry was reading The Fundamental Traits the Zodiacs and could hear him scoff a few times as he wrote on his parchment. Ron read further down, until he reached a subheading that said, The Romantic Lives of Pisces, and just like the Divination book told him, this book also implied that he was compatible with Virgos. He read further and almost hiccoughed at the sub-title. Dating and Sexual Life of Virgo and Pisces. 

What the hell was Trelawney asking for here? Ron continued to read, 

Pisces can let go, let it be, and just live in the moment, which is something that Virgo deeply struggles to do, as they tend to want to control everything

Well they’re not wrong, Ron thought to himself, writing this down. 

Pisces can encourage Virgo to become more laid back and less strung. Most Virgos are workaholics who make little to no time for leisure and pleasure activities.

Ron looked up at Hermione, who was was writing madly and grinned down and wrote down this very true statement. 

Most people of other zodiac signs do not understand the pressure Virgo goes through; however, Pisces’ sensitive nature can pick up on what their Virgo partner is feeling or thinking. Pisces possess just the right amount of compassion to know what to do to soothe the tension in their Virgo partner. Pisces can remove Virgo’s stress and worry, and encourage Virgo to relax, let go, and enjoy the present moment. Patience and trust in the greater good are what Pisces can teach Virgo.

Ron wondered if he truly did do this for Hermione.... she was definitely not the same Hermione from first year, sure she was still high strung, but compared to first year she was indeed much more patient and easy going. Could this really have been due to him? Or was it just age? 

It will be essential for them to resolve any issues in the relationship as soon as any problems arise as if it is left unresolved resentment can build, and because both signs tend to favor isolation, they can completely isolate themselves from each other. They need to remember what made them fall in love with each other initially, and not focus on the negatives in the relationship. Each of them can bring fulfillment to the other’s life, but they must keep their eye on the bigger picture, and not worry about frivolities.

Ron grinned, remembering the Crookshanks and Scabbers fiasco that had happened just last year. 

When a Virgo dates a Pisces, they will have an emotional depth and connection between them that only some dream to have. Virgo partners lack confidence in sexual matters, which they hide under their rational minds and cool, calm exterior. Pisces can also be shy during physical connections, and they will instantly dismiss the shyness of their partner through mutual understanding. Their sexual lives will be governed by their inherent need for a passionate relationship, which will be free from judgment and filled with love.

Ron decided he was not going to write that part down. He had looked at Hermione in a more sexual light admittedly when he had seen her developed body over the summer. He had never really thought how Hermione would be in bed, Hermione lacking confidence was something Ron never really saw, he always took her to be a rather confident girl, but this was admittedly only with school and facts. She never really mentioned her looks. And was he shy? He’d never been with a girl...however, the thought of approaching a girl did intimate him, so maybe he was shy. But passionate love? Ron laughed, he couldn't imagine making passionate love with Hermione... he was fourteen...he’d never even snogged a girl. But everything else was pretty bang on.... could it be? Him and Hermione? 

He looked up to take a peak at her...she looked rather cute when she was focused...wait what was he thinking? The astrology was affecting him... This wasn't his true thoughts, or was it? Could Hermione truly be the one for him...And even if she was, was he the one for her? Why had he decided to take Divination.

Hermione was right, Divination was a bunch of nonsense. 

Him and Hermione compatible, as if. 

(FUN FACT THAT ASTROLOGY READING WAS STRAIGHT UP TAKEN FROM AN ASTROLOGY WEBSITE I DIDNT MAKE IT UP MYSELF LOL) 

[prose-for-hire]

Bad boy, lunchable reader

Part Two

Pairing: Spike x Giles!reader 

Request: Could you write smth about giles daughter being in a relationship with badboy "William" knowing nothing about vampires and the scoobies and her boyfriend being one? And when everything comes out they have a huge fight and spike spills his love for her

Requested by: Anon

Warning: Swearing. Buffy’s kinda mean here.

A/N: I loved this request!! Set in season 5. This is a longish one, I got carried away again

You had moved to Sunnydale half a year ago, coming to college at UC Sunnydale because you knew your father lived there, moving in with him to spend more time with him. You had made a few friends in college but honestly, not as many as you thought you would. There was a group of people your age that were always round your house, but they were never here for you. They were usually there to see your father, Giles. You had tried to talk to them at first but they were kind of boring, never really holding conversation with you. If anything, they appeared to avoid you as much as possible. 

Your dad told you it was because they worked for him at the Magic Box, they were meeting for work not to socialise, but you weren’t convinced. You weren’t stupid, there was something weird about the group. But you didn’t care enough to ask recently though - you were distracted. You had fallen in love. You didn’t know, but they avoided you because Giles had made them swear never to tell you about the horrors the rest of them had to deal with. You weren’t aware of vampires, demons or anything like that.

You were excited. You were going to the Bronze tonight, meeting your boyfriend. Usually he didn’t like to go to the Bronze, but he had finally relented when you had pleaded for a solid week. Usually he took you anywhere except the bar saying it was too mainstream for his taste. You liked mainstream however, if mainstream meant decent music and the chance to show off your boyfriend to people you knew, that was okay with you.

“Dad, I’m leaving now! I’ll be back when the sun rises!” You teased, kissing him on the cheek to say goodbye.

“You do have a curfew, y/n. It is there for a reason”

“Yes, Dad, and I understand but I’m not twelve, I can handle the dark”

“Tell that to the night-light you still have in your, ah, bedroom that you think I didn’t notice” he muttered, wiping his glasses.

“You said we wouldn’t speak of that!”

“Before midnight!” he shouted as you rolled your eyes shouting goodbye over your shoulder. His strict attitude was the reason he wasn’t aware you had a boyfriend. Not only did he not want you near anyone before you finished all of your studies, he also wouldn’t like the type of guy you liked. William looked and acted like a bad boy, but you could tell he was soft at heart. You really liked being around him.

You had met late one night when you had found yourself locked out of the Bronze, it had closed for refurbishment and you didn’t know anywhere else in the town. You were new. He had struck up a conversation, offering you a cigarette. He had made you laugh and your smile made his chest rise as you told him about how you ended up there. Ever since then you had seen each other almost every other night, he had told you he had full time work, so he couldn’t see you in the day.

When you arrived it was dark outside and William was waiting for you, leaning against a wall. He threw his cigarette away as soon as he saw you, a trademark smirk as he slid his hands either side of your waist and kissing you so hard it almost knocked the breath from your body.

“Missed you, pet”

“You saw me last night!” You smiled, his arm slung over your shoulder as you walked towards the entrance of the Bronze. He liked doing this, because it showed everyone around that you were with him.

“Will you order? It’s killing me not being able to drink legally over here” you muttered when you found a table and he nodded, knowing your usual order. He kissed your forehead before leaving to go to the bar.

Buffy and the others came up to you, saying an awkward hello before shuffling off and leaving you sat on your own. You really didn’t need them here. If you were honest, you didn’t like the relationship Buffy had with your dad, it was almost as if he saw her as a daughter even though he had a very real, very blood-related kid right here.

William came back with drinks, setting them on the table. He couldn’t help slipping a hand behind the base of your skull and pulling you in to kiss him. The kiss was fiery, almost forceful, something that shouldn’t be allowed to be viewed in public. But he wanted you, he liked the way your lips tugged into a smile whenever you saw him so he had to kiss you. He just had to.

Spike hadn’t noticed that Buffy and the others were sitting across from you, staring open-mouthed at the way Spike was kissing you. When you eventually broke from the kiss, Spike’s face went white. Well, whiter than usual, as he noticed the group staring. He had wanted this to be his. Yours. He didn’t want the slayer finding out he was falling for a human, he would get staked onsite and you would have to find out about the nastier side of the Hellmouth.

Spike wasn’t aware that you were already acquainted with the group. He liked being with you because you didn’t know about all of that. You were kind and enthusiastic and you always smiled at him. It made him feel human again and he was addicted to it. Addicted to you.

Buffy and the others got up and started shouting at Spike, saying he needed to be staked. It made you frown and Spike, being desperate to keep the horrors of Sunnydale from you tried to get them to take this outside. When Buffy realised you weren’t supposed to know anything she agreed.

“Love, stay here… I’ll sort it out. Just… please” He set you in place and walked out with the group. You frowned. No way were you just sitting and waiting. You followed them, seeing Buffy punch him in the face made you scream and run in front of him. You knew he had gotten into a lot of fights, you had patched him up more than once. You just hadn’t realised that Buffy was mostly the one beating him up.

“What are you doing you evil little witch!?” You cried, grabbing her fist before it connected with William’s face again, “Fuck, you’re strong” You muttered, moving your wrist around to check if she had broken it. William moved you behind him, trying to protect what he had with you before everything went wrong.

“Um, that’s a stereotype… witches, although historically seen as ‘evil’, are not a-actually-” Willow started but was quickly cut off.

“Not the time, Will” Buffy muttered, grabbing William by his leather duster ready to throw him to the ground.

“What are you doing, he’s not done anything to you!” You shouted as Buffy landed a solid blow to Spike’s jaw. He turned around at your words, trying to come up with some excuse. But it was too late for any of that, his face had shifted. You were staring back into piercing yellow eyes, fangs jutting out of his mouth and a very bumpy forehead.

“Shit, what the-” Your mouth dropped, a look of horror painted on your face as you backed away from everyone.

“He’s a vampire. He’s doing this to hurt us, hurt your Dad. He doesn’t really like you” Buffy said bluntly, hitting William again over the back of his head.

“Oh we-we’re telling them now?” Willow asked sheepishly, as Spike frowned at their familiarity with you.

“Giles is gonna flip” Buffy muttered as she realised she had gotten a little carried away with telling you how unlovable you clearly were on top of telling you about demons and pretty much everything she could to make your head spin.

“W-William?” You asked, confused, looking for him to say something.

“Oh my God, did you tell them anything real about yourself? He calls himself Spike, not William” Buffy rolled her eyes at you. Spike was for once in his un-life, speechless. He wanted to salvage this. Keep you with him, but he was at a loss.

“I’m gonna-” You gestured vaguely in the opposite direction, biting back tears, “Bye” you muttered as you ran off. Spike tried to follow you, but Buffy grabbed him by the leather duster and pulled him away. Perhaps missing the attention of Spike’s affection a little more than she would care to admit.

When you got home, Giles was pleasantly surprised that you were back so early. But you didn’t say anything to him, just running to your room and slamming the door behind you. This was strange, you weren’t the type to do this anymore but these were unprecedented circumstances and he had been lying to you. Also, vampires are apparently real and you had been kissing one for the last few months. Not to mention all of those nights of-

No, you stop yourself. It was too much to wrap your brain around. I mean, a vampire? Really?

After that night, your father sat down and explained it all to you but you wouldn’t speak to anyone after this. It was hard to get used to. Vampires, demons, all that. It made sense, but you weren’t pleased everyone had been lying through their teeth for their own reasons. Giles to try to ‘protect’ you whilst simultaneously putting you in danger by you being so oblivious and William, or Spike as he was more widely known, lying about his entire identity to get one over on the group. These were Giles and Buffy’s words about why Spike had been interested in you, in fact he wasn’t aware that Giles was your father. You had never said your Dad’s name to him.

You were walking through Sunnydale after dark, needing some fresh air. You had now been gifted a stake by Buffy, not that you were grateful. Something about her annoyed you and it wasn’t just the way she had smugly torn down your entire life. She was kind of self-righteous and appeared to think she was in charge despite you not being in her group.

“Y/n, pet? Please, hear me out?” A familiar British accent asked. You knew it so intimately, but you didn’t turn.

“Fuck off, Spike! You told me you liked me but you were… you were doing it to hurt my Dad! Is that what you thought about when we kissed? My fucking Dad? Or was it Buffy?” You rounded to face him as you spat their names, clearly upset.

“Bloody hell, love, I would never-” He started, pausing before confirming, “I never even knew he was your father!”

“Oh yeah? Then why didn’t you say anything? Am I… Am I your snack?”

“Not that you aren’t the most lunchable thing in the room at any given time, but no. I was with you ‘cause I, uh, enjoy being with you” When you looked unconvinced he continued, “I couldn’t help myself around you. It was so normal. You’re all I’ve ever wanted…”

“B-but Buffy said-”

“Buffy’s sore that I’m not trailing after her, hoping she’ll give me a crumb of attention. It’s you, y/n, only you” he confirmed, before making sure you knew how he felt, “You made me feel like a man, not a monster” You start to turn away, unsure what your feelings were. This was a lot to spring on a person. Vampires, Slayers, your father being a Watcher. The way spike looked at you, though. His eyes telling stories of love and promise that you couldn’t help become entranced by. He moved to cup his hands either side of your cheeks. The desperation in his eyes confirmed by the way his voice almost trembled with feeling as he pleaded with you to understand, “Please love, this- this thing that we have, I swear when I’m around you I can feel my heart in my chest”

“But you can’t, can you? You-you’re a-” You started, tailing off. You were starting to soften as he cut in.

“Vampire, yes. But we can love and we can definitely hurt…” His eyes shone as they bore into yours.

“But you… lied” he could see you softening now, you really did like him. He had been so much kinder than any other man you had been with, he just hadn’t been kind to anyone else. Which, you now find ironic seeing as he’s actually a vampire.

“Never lied, I just couldn’t sodding bear to break that sort of thing to you. It can corrupt a person, you always see the good… It’s one of the reasons I love you”

“You love me?” he nodded, eyes cast to the floor between you, your bodies so close you almost felt the feeling radiating from him. You leaned in, closing your eyes as he smiled, knowing this meant you wanted him. You weren’t turning your back on him. Your lips met passionately, his hands tangling in your hair, trying to bring you ever closer, as if his un-life depended on it.

You didn’t think of any of the negatives, the way your father and the others would react. Spike loved you and you knew you loved him, so you would figure the rest out. Together.