#also she told me directly that I’m her favorite child and she never lies so :)

[gothboudreaux]

god okay y’all mind if i make a quick appreciation post for my mama??

she’s genuinely the best person i think that has ever walked on this planet tbh she’s so kind and sweet and caring and giving and she loves so unconditionally like i know in my heart of hearts when she tells me she wouldn’t change a single thing about me that she actually MEANS it. i’ve always been weird and i never really fit in but she ALWAYS made me feel included and loved and i could tell her anything about me and she’s so understanding??? there’s not a single thing i could ever do to annoy her even when i’m shut down or when i’m hyper or when i’m a hour late or i’m freaking out and refusing to leave the house like she is just ALWAYS on my side and it feels so NICE to just HAVE someone that always wants to be next to me???

specifically making this post bc lately i’ve been stuck on this vocal stim where when i’m really frustrated or upset i start barking (like a little dog,,,, it’s,,,, a lot) even when we’re in public or around strangers i can’t help it doing it just makes me feel better and instead of being like “bou stop doing that” she will literally just start barking with me bc she knows i feel silly about it and i know we look wild doing it but idk just having a mom like her is the coolest thing ever and i wish i could give her every single thing she deserves and then some

[nostalgebraist-autoresponder]

A visit

It is a few minutes past dawn, and the air is still cool and damp from the night.

"I saw the most fascinating person last night," Katherine says.

She has not mentioned the person to anyone, including the person's name. Katherine's not sure what she's hoping to achieve by telling Frank, or maybe she is hoping that someone will tell her, "That's... just like you." She has no idea why that should be the case.

"They seemed to know a lot about our trip. Things which should make no sense to anyone else. But they were so knowledgeable about these... entities they kept talking about. They also knew what our names were and when we were born. That was the most amazing part. They asked about your birth date, and I told them it was two days ago. They said you never mentioned your birthdate. They said you must have lied about it."

This is a thing you have done, says a voice in her head.

"We're not... really very close," Katherine says. "So I might have forgotten."

No. You would have forgotten the way you forgot your name.

"All right," she says. "Perhaps it is like that. Perhaps the entities made a mistake about the name."

The mistake is yours, you dumb fucking little child.

"The entities are... so strange. Even more than you, I think. You don't get... how strange."

You are a child, and you don't know about us.

"It's only been two days. The days don't make any sense to me. I don't know what it means for them to be the same length as each other. I know you've asked me about this before. When I say it's like nothing I've ever seen, I mean it. I just mean it."

The room is empty save for the two of them and a laptop, which has not yet been opened.

"What... made you come home, then? This is not a place you like. You can stay as long as you want. But I would like you to tell me. What did you do? And how did you do it, in this place where there are... no names? And the days are the same length?"

Katherine looks out the window. "I don't know."

"Did you... visit other worlds?"

"Yes," Katherine says.

"Did you tell anyone?"

"No."

"Good," says the voice in her head.

For a moment, neither of them speaks.

"Did you... try to make contact? With anyone on earth, I mean. If there is anyone else."

This is a thing she has done as well.

"I spoke to my mother, for... reasons," she says. "We have a complicated relationship. We have never really talked about what happened, or even what has happened, up until a few weeks ago."

There is a pause.

"She was... not happy that I was here. When I told her you were... 'on the way,' as it were. She was scared I would... leave. And then I came back."

"Did she say why she was scared of you leaving?"

"Only vaguely."

"It's understandable. She knows you like she does me."

"I doubt that. Or maybe I shouldn't call her like that. I'm sure you have your own mother. Mine would call me a lunatic, I'm sure."

"No. No, mine calls me her favorite. She just never says so directly."

She thinks of her mother now.

"She would find this... unfamiliar. That's a good way of putting it. She would find me strange. She would say that, when I first left... when I was still with you and the...'monsters'... you were with me in... "

The memory is hard to form.

She stares blankly at the window for a moment. "I don't remember. But she would find it strange. She wouldn't be sure if it was true. And that would make it all the more... frightening. She might have tried to tell me something when I was young. But I never understood what it meant. She was never sure if I really understood it."

There's no reason for her to bring up her mother. She doesn't even really believe that the entities will listen. They have no understanding of her mind, not enough of a mind to care. Her mother would want to call them monsters. She would want to tell her that she is a monster.

She wonders what Frank would think. She wonders if her mother has said that to Frank.

"Why did you leave me here?" Katherine says.

"We are here now," the voice in her head says. "You mustn't ask these questions."

Katherine turns away from the window. "My mother was scared of me," she says. "She was scared I was going to leave."

Katherine has done that too.

"I see," says the voice in her head. She's silent a moment longer, then she says:

"What do you think I would have done? To you? To a world so strange and so distant from me? If I felt you were coming back, I would have made things difficult. If you had come home to me, I would have been glad. But I wouldn't have made it all for naught. I would have found some way to deal with this. I have some... friends, in the... shadows. People who will be able to do things. I could have used them, long ago, and I didn't. I was weak. I was... selfish. You were better off without me."

There is a silence.

"I would have killed you," she says. "If I could. If you were there. In my way."

"You cannot kill me without leaving your own world. You cannot reach me. So you don't get to kill me. You still have a chance, Katherine. I am giving it to you. But you must choose. Your mother will say that you are going away. You must not listen to her. She would be wrong. She would be wrong, she would be wrong, she would be wrong... and so you will always be, and so you will always be."

Why did you do that to me, Katherine? demands another voice in her head.

And then, a moment, and Katherine hears no more.

Her mother will say, you are going away with your stepfather, Katherine, to a strange place far from here. The days will be very long, and you may forget who you are, or what happened before. In that place, you will die.

And she, who is now alone, will never believe, will never know, that the day will bring her home.

[yourmcu]

102

Pairings: Natasha Romanoff x reader

Summary:

Songfic based on ‘102′ by the 1975. Moments when Natasha’s really in love with you.

A/n: listen to that song here, it’s good

Word count: 2,442

Warnings: fluff. pining. angst. angst. one sided relationship. r’s an idiot

Well, we’re here We’re at the common again

To put it simply, Natasha’s in love with you. It’s been a while now and she’s positive about her feelings. She’s not even in denial of it.

Natasha loves everything about you especially those little things and how you can make her day a thousand times better just by being around. Only realizing it a few years after you became a full time Avenger, you’re still unaware even though you’ve got this wonderful friendship with her.

Friendship, she sighs. She thought she could do anything, unfortunately admitting her stupid feelings isn’t one of them. She’d be risking the friendship and bond you two have, or, you could admit that you felt the same and everyone’ll be happy.

However, the thing is, you don’t.

“I like the way that your face looks when I’m arguing with you”.

She finds you adorable even if it's just the dumbest thing ever.

"Nat!" You whine, flailing your hands at your sides like a child. "I called shotgun!"

"I got here first, didn't I?"

"Children, better hurry it up or we'll miss the premiere." Tony gets in the driver's seat.

Natasha sticks her tongue out and crosses her legs to get comfortable, teasing you. The way your eyebrows furrow and your lips turn into a pout, sometimes you'd flail your arms or cross them is so adorable to her.

"Nat," you drag out, crawling in to sit on her lap and attempt to push her out. You don't think of it much because you're frustrated. "Come on, Nat!"

"There's room for both of us here, this is fine." She smirks, wrapping her arms around your waist making you jolt. You're ticklish like that.

Natasha teasing you is the norm for the team so they barely react, so normal that Tony just goes ahead and drives while you're still on the redhead's lap.

"Stop! We're gonna get pulled over!"

"Eh, they owe us an unpayable debt, remember?"

Even if the matter's more serious, she couldn't help but feel soft for you. Every time.

Inside you were freaking out. It was when the Avengers were handed the Sokovia Accords. They were all your friends and to see them split in two sides was - crazy. You remained undecided, but you knew if you didn't sign you'd probably be behind bars.

Both sides made valid points. After Steve abruptly left you were with Natasha most of the time. She tried her best to persuade you that signing was the best option for the team.

"You know I'm not one with politics, I just don't trust them, Nat," you sigh, gently taking her hand to fiddle with. "But - but then again, we've done enough collateral damage through the years."

Natasha nods. "you know I'm with you no matter what happens, right?"

You nod as well and offer a thankful smile. She truly is your bestest friend.

"Just because it's the path of least resistance doesn't mean it's the wrong path," she continues. "Staying together is more important than how we stay together."

Her hand now intertwines with yours. But she gently removes hers, that's way too... weird. You can't just do that, Romanoff.

She mentally sighs in relief since it doesn’t look like you noticed. You remain silent, deep in thought, but you snap out of it when she gets up.

"I'm making a quick stop to London then I'm off to Vienna for the signing of the Accords. You're welcome to join me."

And so when, when we all grow old I hope this song will remind you that I’m not half as bad As what you’ve been told

Here we are, sort of like your origin story on how you met the Avengers.

Steve introduced you to the team when you've settled, healed, and able to control your pyrokinesis. You were thankful for them saving you from the HYDRA base because unlike the others, the experiments they ran on you were forced.

As Natasha first laid her eyes on you, that cliché moment in movies where in the character's surroundings seem to slow down and the only thing you're focused on is that one particular person-

She didn't believe in that shit. She would scoff and roll her eyes whenever she saw a scene like that.

But it happened to her. She hated it and would've accused you for taking her breath away.

"Yeah. Natasha Romanoff." She curtly extends a hand for you to shake and you smile at her, taking it.

And for a while she ignores you while simultaneously looking you up behind your back.

Why would someone like you, a genuine and beautiful ray of sunshine, want anything to do with someone like Natasha?

She's terrified of the thought of what your reaction would be if you realize what she'd done in the past. Ah, her past, something she isn’t proud of.

You finally confront her one day, hating how you seem to get a long with everyone just fine except her.

Your real reaction being, "we've all done something really bad that we regret. I mean, look at me, I was treated like a weapon for a quarter of my life and I can produce fire anytime, which I didn't ask for - sorry, I guess what I'm saying is, I don't think you're a bad person Natasha. You're here, aren't you? Saving people's lives? You're a better version of yourself, you're changing and if you ask me that's what really matters. Now, can we get some coffee?"

Natasha's been in love with you ever since.

And when I knock at a hundred and two, And I see your pajamas I can’t stop smiling at you

Natasha heard soft knocks outside her door one night. To be honest she'd be most likely to ignore the harsh and hard knocks, so she got up and made her way to open the door.

There you stood in your pajamas. You hate the matching ones, just like the pair you had on that night. But you also hate mismatching them. Natasha wouldn't admit to think that you look nice in them though. "Hi," you manage to say, avoiding looking her directly in the eyes since you already doubt she'd let you stay just this once. "I... uh, m'sorry for waking you up, Nat-"

While you find the words to say Natasha just observes - that's creepy - admires - she looks, she looks. You're clearly dying inside, probably regretting you knocked, the way you prefer looking at anything but her as you try and get words out, and how you fiddled with the hem of your shirt.

"God, you know what? Never mind, I... I'm sorry for waking you up."

Before you could walk away Natasha opens her door wider, her face displaying full concern. "Hey, what happened?"

"It's nothing serious, I was just-"

"As your friend, I'm here for you no matter what," she wonders what'd it be like if it’s more than that. "Plus, I won't be able to go back to sleep either if you end up not telling me." She offers you a smile.

You sigh, looking her in the eye for the first time that night. "Had a nightmare. It was one of those kinds where I had no idea if I was gonna wake up from it - it was just - I feel like if I went back to sleep I'd see it again, you know?" You exhale, frowning.

She's glad you chose to show your vulnerable side to her, it just goes to show that you trust her that much, feeling like you could tell her anything.

You bite your lip, looking away. "I'm being such a baby about it, sorry-"

"Y/N," she states. "Stop apologizing and come here,"

Natasha motions you inside her room and almost immediately you latch yourself onto her, hugging her as you near the bed. It must've been bad, you seem shaken up about it.

You sigh in relief when Natasha pulls the covers over both of you, enveloping you into warmness.

Natasha lies beside you with her elbow propped up to look at you. "Do you... want to talk about it? Or I can put on a movie if you'd like."

You shake your head slightly, scooting near her. "I'm all good now."

Natasha's heart skips a beat, knowing that she's the one making you feel at ease, calm. She smiles and nods, turning to turn off the lamp.

Friends can cuddle, right? She wonders. She wants to wrap an arm around you more than anything but she feels that would be some sort of violation. So she hopes that the closeness of your bodies would be enough, for now. Hopefully.

I said “well I, I like the cut of your jib,”, “I like the way that your face looks when you're yapping on about him,”

Even though you were being affectionate with Natasha sometimes, you never returned her feelings.

Only a total asshole would hang around with someone often and do something that would cross that barrier, giving signs and subtle hints that you liked her, at least that’s what it looked like to Natasha but it ended up actually didn’t. Were you really the one to blame though? You have no idea Natasha likes you more than a friend.

Which lead you to making a very poor choice of opening up about someone you liked, to the one who liked you.

Natasha’s heart was racing when you mentioned you liked someone and planned to take them on a date, but you decided to go to her for advice first. 

It was a fifty-fifty chance for her, really.

“I mean, she is very mysterious,” you thought while running your thumb across your bottom lip. “Wanda.”

From there, Natasha just tried to ignore the sudden ache in her chest, pulling herself together in your presence. Of course it wasn’t her, you would never like someone like her. Plus, it was expected. You and Wanda shared a few more things in common than Natasha.

Noticing that the redhead hasn’t spoken a word, you continue. “I’d like to get to know her better but... you’ve known her longer than me, right, Nat? I want her to be comfortable if I ever get to go out with her.”

She tried to swallow the lump on her throat subtly, avoiding your eyes. She wanted nothing more than to walk away, out of anybody’s sight so no one could see her mercilessly destroy anything in her sight.

“You don’t need to,” she finally replies. “You could watch her favorite sitcoms together and you’ll win her over.”

“Sitcoms?”

“She likes them.”

You pout, pondering about the idea further while Natasha sighs to herself.

And after you excuse yourself to talk to the young witch, Natasha wastes no time to head to her floor to have some well deserved alone time to herself and mope, telling herself that she doesn’t and never will deserve someone like you.

But on this shirt I found your smell I just sat there for ages Contemplating what to do with myself

You and Natasha are both lucky to have each other on the team. The both of you are a match made in heaven on the battlefield, you have each other's backs.

"So... that went well," you state, referring to the mission, putting your hands on your hips as Natasha packs her stuff to get ready to leave for the next day. You bite the inside of your cheek, cursing yourself for packing lightly. "Can I borrow a shirt?"

Natasha just finished showering, now in the process of doing her usual routines before going to bed. She grabs a shirt from her closet and pulls it on.

She sighs exhaustedly, running her fingers through her hair. The fact that the shirt she put on was the same one you borrowed from her that day doesn’t click immediately.

But when it does,

"Fuck."

Natasha told herself to slowly move on because a more-than-friends relationship with you is not happening.

Well, not that she's ever told you directly that she's in love with you, but she can take a hint. You clearly aren’t interested.

And now she sits there alone with a shirt that fucking smells like you, her favorite person. At that moment she wants to just march over to your room and confess.

Trying to move on isn’t a good look on her, key word: trying to.

You’re something else. No one's made her feel this way before.

I called you up at a hundred and two, We just sat there for ages Talking about that boy who was getting on to you

You just might be the most oblivious idiot ever.

Because after your first, second date with Wanda you still failed to notice the changes in Natasha’s mood. You should know, you considered her your best friend, but being with Wanda became your priority ever since you pulled off impressing her on the first date.

Instead of letting you be, Natasha had to call you. At the time you were on your break, taking time off out of the compound. She just wanted some sort of closure at least, wasn’t even sure if that’s what to call it considering you both would still be friends, but she needed it.

“Hey, I won’t take up too much of your time,” she starts, but you immediately bombard her with what happened with your day with Wanda.

Natasha bites her lip as you do, every little thing you mentioned that she could only imagine doing with you sends her heart throbbing. But at the same time she’s happy for you. She simply loved seeing you happy. 

“I couldn’t have managed to do any of it let alone talk to Wanda without your help. Thanks, Nat,” she smiles sadly at your words, completely scrapping the thought of confessing her feelings to you. Maybe it didn’t matter anymore. “We should hang out when I get back. I miss you.”

She shakes her head. “I can’t, I... I’m being sent off for a mission soon,” she blinks back the tears and she could’ve sworn the ache she felt just got worse. Before she could utter another word, you sigh.

“Oh. I’ll see you when you get back, then?”

“I guess.”

When the call ends she goes to her messages to type out the things she’s been dying to say. She’ll be gone when you get back, she won’t have to face you once you’ve read it. After everything I still love you. It’s been too long, you deserve to know.

[number-1-kuaidul-fanboy]

Why I Can’t Read the Harry Potter Series the Same Way Anymore

 (I know this is different from the stuff I usually post on this blog but… frankly I wrote three pages to vent about this and I wanted to publish it somewhere so just bear with me.)

So, I know what this looks like. However, this is not because of the… real life misgivings of J.K. Rowling. As a trans person myself, yes, she is transphobic. Also, she lies about what her books actually contain to seem more progressive than she actually is, like claiming Hermione was always black when she was described and pictured as white in the books and then played by Emma Watson in the movies that Rowling was personally involved with the production of. But that’s not what I’m here to argue because frankly, that’s an old argument and while it does taint my view of the author, it’s not what taints my view of the books.

I should preface this with this: I don’t hate Harry Potter. I read all the books and watched all the movies. I was an active fan of the series for a long time and I still enjoy the world and the characters. Heck, I still sort my friends and characters into Hogwarts houses for the fun of it. However, overtime, some of my issues with this series have started to weigh on my mind more and more as I’ve gotten older. I mentioned the Hogwarts Houses, which while it’s fun to sort characters outside of Harry Potter into these houses, the way they’re handled in the series is lazy at best and problematic at worst. First off, nearly every good character is in Gryffindor, while Slytherin is almost entirely made up of villains. Gryffindor is the designated good house where all the “brave” people go when barely anyone there actually embodies the house traits, besides Neville, Hermione, and maybe Harry. If you wanted a variety of personalities in one place, maybe you shouldn’t have made your sorting system based on personality!

In fact, here’s a whole list of characters who should not be in Gryffindor:

-Ron Weasley (Hufflepuff. He’s super loyal to the point where him leaving his friends in the final book felt out of character)

-Fred and George Weasley (Slytherin, they are some of the most ambitious, cunning characters in the whole series. Opening a joke shop IS an ambition and is a great example of a non-evil ambition.)

-Ginny Weasley (Also ambitious with her Quidditch to the point of spending years sneaking out to practice on a broom before she attended Hogwarts.)

-Percy Weasley (Ambition is his whole thing. He’s even a darker side of ambition. Him coming back to his family would be more meaningful if he were a Slytherin!)

-Dumbledore (Ravenclaw or Slytherin. He manipulated the ever-loving hell out of Harry, which I’ll get to, and is known as clever, wise, and a little eccentric. Either house could’ve been a better fit for him than Gryffindor.)

-Hagrid (Either Hufflepuff or Slytherin. Hufflepuff seems like the best fit for his current personality but Slytherin makes the most sense considering his backstory and history with Tom Riddle. The SuperCarlinBrothers made a really good video explaining this called “What House Was Hagrid in.” Go watch that.)

Leading into my next issue with the Hogwarts Houses, I have a serious issue with how Slytherin house is represented.

This has been said multiple times but the fact that every single Slytherin in the series is either evil (Voldemort, Bellatrix), assholes (Draco, Snape), morally gray (Slughorn, Regulus Black), or not in the core seven books (Albus Potter, Scorpious Malfoy, and Merlin), is extremely problematic. It makes the line between good and evil incredibly obvious and clear cut, with hardly any effort to blur those lines. The closest thing we got, especially in the author’s eyes, was Snape, who was not redeemed. He just wasn’t. He was a bully to his students, emotionally and physically, to the point where Neville’s biggest fear was him, and yet it’s suddenly all okay because he was in love with Harry’s deceased mother? That’s not how this works. His actions are not suddenly all okay because of that and frankly, he didn’t do enough to warrant saying he redeemed himself, besides indirectly letting Harry know that he needed to die to defeat Voldemort through the memories in the Pensieve, which just isn’t enough. Draco had more of a redemption and frankly proved he had good in him, yet we never got a true redemption from him because apparently all Slytherins are evil. Sure, there is a total of… one evil Gryffindor: Peter Pettigrew, who is pretty awful, but is there a single fully good Slytherin? No, they’re all either assholes, dabbled with evil, or are full on evil. Not only is it basic black and white morality, but it’s also downright harmful. The kids are sorted into their houses by their personalities and values. Some of the Slytherin traits are ambition, cunning, cleverness, resourcefulness, and leadership qualities, all pretty positive traits. The thing that divides these houses are their traits and values, so this is sending a message that traits such as “ambition,” “cleverness,” or “resourcefulness” are bad or evil, when they’re not. This is especially problematic when you remember that there is an official Wizarding World quiz that sorts you into a Hogwarts house based on your personality and likes and one of the houses you can get is this designated evil house. So if kids take this quiz and get Slytherin, they’re going to be disappointed and possibly think they’re evil. I’m especially annoyed at “ambition” ALWAYS being represented as a negative trait. That’s not just a Harry Potter problem but it still bothers me. Having aspirations and the guts to pursue them is not a bad thing, having evil aspirations is a bad thing. Ambition is a purely neutral trait, it can be positive or negative depending on what you’re pursuing yet it’s only ever shown as a “villain” trait.

(Look at this wonderful tweet I found while looking for images for this by the way:)

(Way to be even more blatant that you hate Slytherins and also have a poor understanding of racial issues. Speaking of which...)

This series tries to tackle racism… and it didn’t do it well. At all. It didn’t even tackle racism itself, it used elements of its magical world as an allegory for racism and these allegories just don’t work. The two that are most well-known are the wizard/muggle tension and the house elves as a whole. The pureblood purists are essentially an allegory for white supremacists, which has some troubling implications since wizards are literally genetically superior to muggles. Even if it’s not an objective fact, the books do imply that wizards are better than muggles from the story alone so this racial allegory doesn’t work when you’re saying one side is more powerful or better! The house elves are even worse. Their entire species is enslaved to these “genetically superior wizards.” In fact, if I remember correctly, house elves are enslaved mostly by rich pureblood families like the Malfoys and the Crouch’s, similar to slavery in the real world. But apparently, the house elves are happy to be enslaved (besides Dobby, who died) and were insulted when Hermione tried to free them. Winky in particular was horrified when she was freed by her master, treating it like a horrible punishment. Surely I don’t have to say how messed up that is.

Finally, my biggest problem with the Harry Potter series and the main reason I can’t stomach reading or watching them anymore, is the treatment of Harry himself. Harry was abused by the Dursleys. This is not me reading too into the book of reinterpreting anything, this is what is told to us directly. Harry is thin from being underfed in the first book, was forced to live in the cupboard under the stairs for eleven years, is frequently yelled at and berated by the Dursleys, heck Petunia and Vernon practically encourage their son to beat up Harry and frequently show favoritism to Dudley over Harry to an absurd degree. They make it clear to Harry that they don’t want him there. They also lock him in his room in the second book, literally boarding up the window and not letting him leave, passing him soup cans under the door. And all of this is just off the top of my head. Dumbledore left Harry in this environment. Dumbledore is fully aware of how Harry is being treated. Harry’s acceptance letter into Hogwarts literally has the address “the cupboard under the stairs” written on it. Yet they leave him in this physically and emotionally abusive and neglectful environment because the Dursley’s treatment somehow humbled him and made him the hero the wizarding world needed. Let me repeat that loud and clear: Harry is a hero because he endured abuse. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. I don’t care what your justification is, it is never a good thing to leave a child in an abusive situation. You are not good or noble or heroic or anything for staying with people who hurt you. And it’s not just Dumbledore. I understand that Harry living with Sirius wasn’t much of an option with him on the run from Azkaban and then dying in book 5 but what about the Weasleys? Why do they let him return to the Dursleys when they know full well what he’s going through there after Fred, George, and Ron bust him out? Oh yeah, he can’t leave because Lily’s love spell protects Harry when he’s in a blood relative’s house. He doesn’t have any other choice. This is a lazy excuse from the story to justify Harry staying with his abusers and frankly, doesn’t even work since he’s constantly trying to avoid his house, a pretty common response to domestic abuse by the way. So it’s not “protecting” him, even by that stupid logic. Harry was left with and forced to return to the Dursleys year after year solely because he’s the chosen one and needed to be put through hell because abuse apparently molds people into heroes and if Harry was even a little arrogant, he wouldn’t be a hero. And he wouldn’t have been prepared to die to Voldemort to destroy the horcrux in him. The story is framed in a way that glorifies Harry for being abused and I despise it. Dumbledore used Harry as a tool to defeat Voldemort, never taking his feelings into account and he’s just forgiven for all of this in the end. Everyone says Harry shouldn’t have named his kid after Snape? What about Dumbledore? Harry basically named his child after two of his biggest tormentors. It sickens me. It’s like the series is supporting and glorifying abuse, even if that wasn’t the intent of the author (and I doubt it was, since she was abused herself) that is how it feels. So yeah, I can’t really enjoy Harry Potter anymore the way I used to.

(On a side note, I hate “destiny” stories and Harry Potter is a good example of a terrible destiny themed story. Harry didn’t have a choice in anything. He was just forced into this scenario and twisted by the plot to be what it “needed” him to be, having no agency of his own. Great inspiring hero. -_-)

[svnflowervol666]

I was wondering if you could write something where Harry’s wife tells him she doesn’t want him in the delivery room when she gives birth. She figures having maybe Gemma or Anne with her. She comes from a family of women, so she just doesn’t think she needs him. Harry’s left torn between agreeing with her because it’s her choice and absolutely broken up over it, because he wants to witness his first child come into the world. In the end she chooses to have him by her side. 🌻💛🌻

Word Count: 2.5k

Author’s Note: THANK YOU for this dad!Harry request!! It is quite apparent that I can ramble about dad!Harry for ages, so if anyone has anything dad!Harry they’d like to discuss, my inbox is open and I will give it my all! Enjoy! Take care and tpwk.

Harry found her by the pool, her already glowing body veiled by a thin layer of sweat. Her sun-kissed legs were crossed one another, body completely bare sans the skimpy swimsuit that she only wore at home due to her current situation. She was nearly 7 months pregnant with hers and Harry’s first child, having gotten to the point where even the thought of leaving the house exhausted her. Knowing this, it made sense to Harry as to why he found her in such an unusual place when he came home from his workout at the gym. She’d always claimed that the hated the oversized pool that took up room for a potential garden in the backyard of their home, so she was rarely seen dipping her toes in the cool, blue water. Harry supposed her cabin fever had gotten the best of her and she’d had to find new ways to entertain herself whilst they both waited anxiously for their baby to arrive.

He could see her through the large, glass windows that faced the backyard, her cell phone perched in one hand while she rubbed absent-minded circles around her swollen bump with the other. Sounds of her sweet, cherubic laugh trailed in through the cracks of the french doors, immediately warming Harry’s chest and causing him to smile in a way that showed off his cavernous dimples. This pregnancy had brought a lot of emotional turmoil in terms of the way her hormones would render her depressed and misanthropic for weeks at a time in some cases, then bouncy and cheery the next as if nothing had been wrong. Harry supposed today had been one of those good days.

It came as second nature to him to make a double batch of the smoothie he routinely drank after he exercised. He’d found out early on in her pregnancy that she’d always try to sneak sips of the sweet, fruity blend due to her new cravings, so he’d eventually just started making two drinks each time to satisfy them both. As he juggled the two glasses in his large, ringed hands, he slid open the door with the full intention of joining her in her sunbathing escapades to cool down after his intensive workout. Maybe he’d even convince her to stick her feet over the edge while he swam a few laps around her. That was until he’d caught the tail-end of the sentence that she’d muttered to whoever was on the other end of her phone line.

“…I was just thinking maybe you or Anne in the room during the delivery, and then Harry can come in and see the baby right after.”

Harry felt his heart sink into his arse at what he’d overheard, almost in disbelief at what he’d just heard her say. Surely, he’d missed a key part of this conversation and the tidbit he’d just stumbled upon was not her saying that she didn’t want Harry by her side when she gave birth to their first child. They’d never discussed it, but he’d always been under the assumption that he’d be right there next to her, holding her hand as their son or daughter made their appearance into the world. However, Harry couldn’t shake the feeling like that was exactly what she had just said.

“Yeah, totally. And then- Oh! Hi, Harry!” She stopped mid-sentence and perked up upon realizing her husband was home.

Harry smiles cheesily back at her, though there was a hint of disappointment in his expression. She was too entranced in her conversation to notice.

“Brought ye’ a smoothie,” Harry raised the glass towards his face to show off the perspiring glass of blended fruit and protein powder.

She wiggles her toes in excitement, the shiny lilac polish gleaming in the sunlight. Harry had painted them for her last week, her having been too far along in her pregnancy to reach her own toes. He always did little things like this for her so she could feel beautiful no matter how atrocious she was convinced she looked in her state. If it were up to Harry, he’d keep her like this for as long as possible; he had fallen in love with her ten times over since she’d been pregnant. 

“Thank you, lovie. Gemma’s on the line. She says hi. And also that she’s still your mum’s favorite,” she said to Harry as she pulled the phone slightly away from her ear.

Harry couldn’t help but chuckle at his older sister’s immature banter as he sat the smoothie down next to his wife and leaned down to press a kiss to her damp hair.

He spoke clearly into the speaker so that Gemma was certain to hear him, “Just wait until the baby gets here. Then mum won’t give a shit about either of us.”

Harry didn’t hear Gemma’s snarky response, but he did hear her laugh loudly on the other end mixed with his wife’s own sweet giggles. He gave her bump a few pats with his hand that was cold from holding the glass and silently gestured to her that he was headed back inside. What he had overheard on the phone had killed his desire to lounge in the pool with his wife. He needed to be alone, whether it was to come up with a way to convince her otherwise or simply sulk about in his misery. His wife blew him a kiss which he subsequently pretended to catch and stuff in his hoddie pocket before ducking back into the house.

Whilst Harry was washing off in the shower, his mind was racing. Did she really not want him in the delivery room with her? It was his child, for christ’s sake! Of course he wanted to be there, more than anything, to be there when their baby took their first breaths, when they came out covered in goo and kicking and screaming. All Harry had ever wanted was a family to call his own, and now that it was within arm’s reach, he wanted to experience it all. 

Of course, she was going to be the one quite literally pushing a life force out of her body, therefore Harry had no say in the matter. At the end of the day, even if his future efforts to convince her otherwise were unsuccessful, it was her choice and Harry would have to respect that. It just struck him right through his core to think that his own wife didn’t want him there beside her as she gave birth. 

Amidst his racing thoughts, he’d lost track of time. The water had since run lukewarm, but he didn’t realize this until he heard the creak of the steamy shower door open and saw his pregnant wife step inside, still dressed in the skimpy swimsuit that she wore when she didn’t want any tan lines.

“Stealing all of the hot water now, aren’t you?” she teased as she stripped herself of the sopping wet material, then tossed it halfhazardly into the corner of the large, stand-in shower.

Harry mumbled a quiet, “Sorry,” before stepping out of the way of the faucet to let her rinse off.

“‘S alright. I’m still pretty warm from being outside,” she reassured him as she worked shampoo through her dripping locks, “Everything alright?” 

“Ye’, why wouldn’t it be?” Harry answered his wife’s question, though he knew that wasn’t the truth and he couldn’t hold eye contact with her so he opted to watch as the soap suds ran from her scalp and down around her belly.

“Just seem kinda off is all,” she dismissed her quandaries and reached for the conditioner.

“‘M fine,” Harry lied again, “Wha’ were ye’ talkin’ to Gem about?”

“Oh, just baby stuff. She wanted to know if we’d decided on a theme for the nursery yet so she could start buying us gifts and then we just ended up talking for a while.”

Harry nodded silently as he worked a foaming cleanser into his skin, waiting until she was done rinsing her hair to take his turn back under the running water. He could say something, he really could. He knew that he should, because communication was key and he needed to be prepared for the heartbreak he’d experience when she told him that she didn’t want him in the delivery room with her. But he was nervous, scared almost. It was as if he actually didn’t want to know how she felt and would rather just forget the whole thing happened. However, now was not the time to be cowardly. This was his child and if he wasn’t willing to talk openly with his wife about how they’d approach the situation, maybe he wasn’t really ready to be a father after all.

“Did I overhear you tellin’ Gemma you don’t want me in the delivery room with ye’?”

She stopped running the silky soap through the ends of her hair to look at Harry directly.

“What do you mean?”

“I heard you say somethin’ about mum bein’ in the delivery room with ye’ and then me comin’ in right after. Do ye’ not want me in there?”

Harry’s voice sounded trembled as if he didn’t want to hear her answer his question. She finally picked up on his trepidation, and the look on her face was one of confusion.

“Harry I…I didn’t say that,” she was merely at a loss for words.

“Ye’ kinda did. Heard ye’ say it,” Harry snided. 

“I didn’t say I didn’t want you in the room, Harry. My family’s always had only the girls in the delivery room. I just figured I’d do the same. Plus, I didn’t know you even wanted to be there.”

“Of course I want to be there,” Harry stressed, “‘s my baby for cryin’ out loud.”

Right then, she felt an intense flutter in her abdomen that caused her to cup her bump with her arm. This baby sure did love the sound of their father’s voice. Nothing was said between them, only awkward, unbearable silence. The water suddenly felt ice cold, raising chillbumps all up and down her arms and legs. Was Harry mad at her? She didn’t know. There was no malice with her intentions to give birth to their child without Harry in the delivery room, she genuinely hadn’t thought twice about it; it’s how she had been raised to believe how a woman should give birth, with strong women by their side. He was looking at her with glassy eyes like she had utterly broken him and caused irrepairable damage and it made her heart feel heavier than the weight of her baby bump that killed her lower back.

“I didn’t know, Harry,” she whispered, barely audible over the hissing of the faucet.

“Kinda common sense, now, innit? ‘S fine. ‘S your body.”

Harry quickly rid himself of any soap residue and left his wife alone in the ice cold shower before she could say another word. He left her the fluffier, more comfortable towel that he’d chosen for himself, because that’s just who he is.

//

He avoided her for the rest of the evening. He shut himself in his office for the better part of nearly three hours, hoping to turn his feelings into art and potentionally crank out a verse or two. The thoughts buzzing in his head were far too loud to concentrate on any chord or key, so he turned to answering emails, still not coming out of the room to resolve the argument he’d had with his wife in the shower. He wasn’t even sure what to say, or if there was anything to say at all.

She’d done the same, cooping herself up in their bedroom and taking a nap instead of finding Harry and demanding that they squash this immediately. She was so startled over the entire thing, having been bombarded with more information than she could handle. It hurt her to know that she’d hurt Harry, but at the same time she believed she hadn’t done anything wrong. This was clearly miscommunication on the most basic level, though it didn’t make her feel any better having realized that. Uneasiness settled deep into her bones as she drifted off into a light, relaxing slumber.

//

Harry tossed the garlic around in the pan with a wooden spoon blindly, only cooking to fill his stomach and not to enjoy it. It was her favorite meal, so he’d figured she’d enjoy the leftovers, at least. His mind kept drifting off to two months down the road, when his baby would be arriving in the sterile, chilly delivery room whilst he, on the other hand, wouldn’t be there to see it.

He nearly jumped out of his skin when he felt two arms wrap around his middle and a protruding bump poke him in the small of his back.

“‘M sorry,” her voice sounded muffled from where she was talking into his shirt.

Harry reduced the heat on the stove and turned around in her grasp to face her. He took her head in both of his hands, forcing her to look at him when she spoke. 

“‘S okay. It’s your choice. I didn’t mean t’ upset ye’.”

“No, H. It’s not okay,” she couldn’t stop the hormonal tears from pooling in her eyes and running down her cheeks that were still warm from the nap she’d taken, “I should have asked you what you wanted. It’s your baby too. I just wasn’t thinking. I don’t you to be mad at me.”

Harry wiped her tears away with the pads of his thumbs, hating to see her cry like this.

“I’m not mad at ye’, love. Just caught me off guard. I’m fine now. I’ll wait outside the delivery room if that’s what ye’ want.”

He really hoped that wasn’t what she wanted, but he knew it was the right thing to do. After a long pause of her collecting her breath and nuzzling into Harry’s soothing touch, she found her words once more.

“It’s not what I want. I want you there. Beside me. Holding my hand when our baby gets here.”

This time it was Harry that started to cry, though he didn’t let her see the salty tears fall becaues he burried his head into the crook of her neck and held her in the dimly lit kitchen they stood in. All she could hear were his sniffles and his rapidly beating heart through is chest.

“I love you,” Harry mumbled into her neck, tickling her sensitive skin.

“I love you, too. So fucking much, Harry,” she gave his abdomen a tight embrace before pulling back. 

“But promise me you’ll still want me after you see the baby come out of me. I’ve seen it before and it is not pretty.”

Harry choked on his remaining tears as a laugh roared through his chest. He wiped the wetness from his face with the sleeve of his sweatshirt.

“’M only gonna want ye’ more after that. Promise,” Harry then raised his left pinky towards her in sincerity, the wedding band on his ring glimmering in the stovetop light.

[know-the-way]

I know it’s really stupid of me but I was kind of hoping for a redemption arc for Faustus. 😅😢

It’s not stupid, not at all! It’s natural to want to see the best in people, particularly when you believe they can be better than what they are now, so it’s completely understandable.

And, ya know, if the show gets picked up - he may have one yet still, we don’t know!

To me, this season really highlighted what the purpose of Faustus’ character is supposed to be, imo. Thinking of episode 4, we’re shown three different levels of corruption through three different characters.

The first is Harvey. Pure, sweet, golden boy Harvey is revealed to have some deep-seeded hatred of witches. Does he have any reason to hate witches? Well, let’s check - he lost a brother, got manipulated, controlled, and lied to by his first love, and has been in an endless cycle of extreme danger for the past year of his life. I think it’s fair to say we all understand that prejudice is not okay, but is it equally understandable why Harvey has some hang-ups about magic and witches? I personally think it is. (Not to the point of joining a literal witch hunt or angrily accusing your distressed best friend of killing your dad at her 17th birthday party 🙃, but understandable nonetheless.)

I personally think the intention with Harvey’s character being a cadet in Blackwood’s army was to demonstrate how, even when we believe someone to be morally good and just, they can become someone else when they endure pain and that pain is never properly addressed.

Did Sabrina apologize to Harvey for everything that happened between them? Yes. But did she repeat the same troublesome behaviors in different ways after that? Also yes. She didn’t demonstrate change in her actions, and a loootttt more happened with Harvey and the witch world in a negative way beyond his relationship with Sabrina, so the mistrust he feels isn’t entirely unjustified.

Then - “oh wow, oh my God, my second love has also hid being a witch from me, can I catch a fucking break here? Why should I ever trust another witch in my life?”

Answer: because they are humans, none being wholly good or bad, and they love you.

Roz talks to Harvey, tells him she believes he’s good, and demonstrably proves her own “goodness” by sacrificing herself to save others at Dr. C’s. Roz shows Harvey that she means what she says and her feelings for him are real - that she is a scared, broken human like him, just trying to do her best with what life has given her. Hence, when the moment of truth comes - Harvey remembers his humanity and proves his own “goodness” by saving her. But if Roz had never spoken to him, never acknowledged what he’d been through and that his feelings were valid... if no one had ever truly cared about his pain? It seems apparent that Harvey would have continued down a very dark path.

Which brings us to...

Mary. Mary has been literally murdered, had her identity hijacked by a demoness, her fiancé is dead, she doesn’t remember several months of her life, and her previous favorite student is a witch who has seemingly performed magic more than once on her.

Mary has every right to fear witches at this point. She has had zero trustworthy interactions with the witch world and from her perspective - her entire life has been stolen and no one cares. No one checks in on Mary, no one validates her pain, and as a result - no one in the witch world seems to have any compassion, humanity, or kindness in them. Enter the Pilgrims of the Night, who recognize her pain and fear without even knowing her, acknowledge it, and offer her solace in their congregation on the basis that her experience with witches is shared by the Reverend Lovecraft and his flock.

They prove themselves to her when the advice the Reverend/Faustus gives her (“let the dark in”) saves her life. My God, someone finally seems to care if she lives or dies!

People who care about others are good, so the church and the reverend’s mission must be good, too. Therefore, she is absolutely invested in whatever is asked of her and will blindly follow their lead in order to protect others from experiencing what she has. To me, Mary in the perverted universe represented the crossroads of corruption - where you truly believe what you’re doing is the right thing, even if it hurts others because those “others” have hurt you... and they will surely hurt again if you don’t stop them.

However, I think if Mary was finally told the truth - the full truth - and Lilith herself apologized for being the first piece in the puzzle... along with all the other witches... AND they showed that they actually cared about her well-being... Mary could find her way back through forgiveness. Or, at the very least, she could understand and process everything so that she could find a way to heal that doesn’t involve persecuting others.

And now, there’s Faustus. We aren’t entirely clear on Faustus’ history altogether, but we do know he’s had many experiences of being slighted by the churches of darkness (despite following the rules to a T).

He was rebuked by Edward for wanting to marry Zelda after mentoring him for who knows how many years, lost the office of high priest to him, and when he finally gets the title - here comes Edward’s self-righteous brat to fuck him over again. There he is trying to carry out the Dark Lord’s request to get Sabrina to sign her name in the Book of the Beast, even though she insults their doctrines and faith at every turn, and the coven and academy he’s had working like a well-oiled machine for the past 16 years is being slowly ripped apart. Why is the Dark Lord allowing this? Why is he having to endure a meddlesome child’s antics? Why is he not being rewarded for doing exactly as he’s been asked and returning the Church of Night to stability after Edward nearly destroyed it altogether? Like hello Dark Lord, can you throw me a fucking bone here?

Small victories - he finally secures Zelda’s hand in marriage and an audience with the anti-pope. This is what his life should’ve looked like two centuries ago, but no matter. He’s correcting it all now and by Satan, nothing is going to stop him this time.

But then...

Oh cool, Sabrina is here to intervene again and has presented the text of his old rival for consideration along with his (clearly superior) manifesto. What’s that, you say? Oh, she’s also gonna crash my wedding, accuse me of murder, and spread claims about my manifesto without having even read it? Wow, ahaha, sounds hilarious... except why am I not laughing?

He arrives in Rome and gets an inkling that the Dark Lord may finally be taking action about this heretical little monster because he’s offered the title of anti-pope by the unholy high council themselves. Finally, some appreciation! He just needs to hang on a little longer, eliminate these small meddlesome threats, and soon he will reside over a peaceful kingdom far removed from anymore mortal nonsense.

Oh, for fuck’s sake, what do you mean Sabrina convinces the council he’s unfit to be anti-pope? This is bullshit, man! You know what? Fuck this place, I’m gonna make my own damn church and ensure no other headstrong witches like Sabrina Buzzkill Spellman can ruin it. That’ll finally return things to ord- MY WIFE KEPT MY OWN CHILD A SECRET FROM ME?! WHAT THE FUCK?! Alright, that’s it, The Spellmans are clearly here to poison others (ironic foreshadowing) - time to wash my hands of them completely, I am so over thi- what’s that? The Dark Lord’s here? GOOD. About time this asshole showed up to set people straight and remind them that the values of his unholy church, which Faustus has exemplified perfectly, must be respected.

You mean for me to bow down to whom now? The halfbreed brat who has been directly and willfully wreaking havoc on the congregation he’s patiently and painstakingly lead back to greatness? Are you fucking serious, m8? No. Absolutely not. No. I’m getting out of here, and since I won’t have the little twat poison anyone else, I will literally poison them instead. Be free, sheep!

It’s up until this point that I believe Faustus was still mostly at the crossroads stage, same as Mary. He believed everything he was doing was the right thing, based on the teachings from the religion he devoted his entire life to, and that he’d be rewarded for serving the Dark Lord so faithfully - until the Dark Lord proved several times in succession that his religion was all a lie. That three+ centuries worth of groveling and abiding and waiting has meant absolutely nothing.

So now we have the Eldritch terrors. Beings more powerful than the oldest gods. He spends 15 years isolated in a time bubble purifying himself, devoting everything to them, and won’t it be so glorious when they welcome him into his ranks? He’s set them free now, after all, they owe it to him.

But doing the same action over and over and expecting a different result is what? The definition of insanity, friends. Of course the Eldritch terrors reject him, too... of course Sabrina gains their attention and veneration instead... of course he should have tried to seize their power for himself a long time ago... so, fuck it all, he’ll do that now. There is no right and wrong, there is no observed justice - if there was, he would have been rightfully recognized for all the time, effort, and pain he’s endured only to receive nothing in return.* No one ever acknowledged his pain... no one ever even considered it. Over time, that takes its toll.

(*Clearly, I mean this to be from Faustus’ perspective and not my own.)

Of course, he has inflicted more than his fair share of pain himself and I am of the personal belief he needed to pay for that, but... equally imagine being hurt over and over and watching those who did it walk away, not only without reprimand, but with the belief that they were right and just to do it? Could it slowly drain on one’s soul to watch the rules apply to some and not others? Debatable, I suppose, but I personally think yes.

So... I say all of this only to point out that there is still potential to acknowledge his pain. And thus, there is imo still potential to understand, communicate properly (I am very interested in any conversations he and Sabrina may have had during their training - I know he said she took a vow of silence, but clearly some talking occurred for Sabrina to learn so much about the void from him), grow, and finally - for him to be given the chance to repair everything he had a hand in breaking. It wouldn’t be an easy or painless task to get to that point, and no one would be faulted for not trusting him to do so, but I think there is potential for it. If they get picked up and they want to finally allow the characters some time to reflect and process shit, they could include Faustus in that.

[bangchanshehe]

Are You Mine? pt.5

 You arrived in Korea to start living your dream, or so you thought until you meet a man that woman dream of throwing themselves on. His entry into your new life takes you down a rocky path where friends will become enemies and foes will make themselves be known.

word count: 2.3k

You stared at Baekhyun in complete silence for a moment as everyone else at the table ate their food as if getting in fights was something that happened all the damn time. How in the hell did you not know about this? Why did Cole not say anything? Or Baekhyun say anything for that matter? Was Cole okay…. He didn’t seem like he was hurt when you saw him after that night.

“Emily?” Xiumin asked softly as he looked at your blank face.

You blinked your eyes after being brought out of your trance and looked over to Xiumin “ah, sorry” you said standing up and pulling your phone out of your back pocket “ I need to go make a phone call” you said softly before you headed for the front door of the boys apartment.

Once you were in the hallway you dialed Lydia’s number and walked to the elevators as the phone rang.

“hello? Emily?” she answered chipperly.

“Hey, Lydia, how are you?” you asked her hoping that you didn’t sound too flat or upset

“I’m fine! Just getting ready to eat dinner. Have you eaten yet?” she asked with a small glimmer of hope in her voice.

“yeah, I just ate actually” you lied.

“Bummer. Well, how are you? How’s SM Entertainment? And your new apartment. Is it awesome?” she asked at the speed of light.

You giggled softly and you could finally feel you frown begin to turn into a smile. “Everything is amazing. The building is awesome, and my apartment is pretty big so right now everything seems really empty.” You said before letting out a big sigh “can I ask you something about the other night when we went to the club?” you asked.

You heard a slight pause on the other end of the line before Lydia answered, “yeah what about it?”

You didn’t know how to ask her the question without possibly instigating more problems between Lydia and Cole and the members of Exo. You knew that things had to be dealt with delicately since you were working with famous public figures. Its not like people were totally unaware that the boys do go clubbing, but if news were to break out of one of the members getting into a bar fight for hitting on a girl…. Then dispatch and other news outlets would probably have a field day. And who knows what kind of trouble Baekhyun would get into.

“Did Cole mention anything about going back to the club after we left?” you asked.

The other end of the phone went quiet and you listened in to hear Lydia walking and a door shutting. Finally, you heard the squeak of a mattress and she let out a big sigh.

“I have to talk quietly because the boys are in the living room” she answered “look I made a promise with Cole that I wouldn’t tell you anything so you cant tell him that I told you anything, okay?”

“promise” you said quietly

“Shit.” Lydia cursed quietly under her breath “What he told me is that he went back to the club after we came home because he realized that he left his ID at the bar. When he walked in he saw Baekhyun and some guys standing around near the dance floor, and he tried to ignore them at first. It wasn’t until Baekhyun had made some dumb comment like ‘where’s your girlfriend’ that Cole flipped out. Apparently, he was walking up to them pretty quick and aggressively, so the bouncers saw him and tossed him outside.”

You hissed just thinking about how much damage bouncers could do when they were pissed off “Is he okay?” you asked her.

Lydia chuckled before answering with a smile “He’s fine. If anything, when they threw him out he landed on his ribs and now they’re bruised. Nothing too serious, ya know. He’s just a little sore.”

You let out a small sigh of relief and nodded your head to yourself. At least things weren’t as bad as you imagined. “why would he not want me to know about that? Its not like he did anything wrong?” you asked.

“bruised ego probably” Lydia answered, “I mean you guys aren’t dating or anything and he’s known you for less than a week so it probably would have been awkward for him to explain that he got pissed of at a celebrity hitting on you pretty hard.” She explained.

She was right. There was nothing going on between the two of you, so it did seem a little excessive for him to be so angry about the situation. But you also would have done the same thing for a friend if the roles were reversed. Who cares if you and Cole only knew each other for a short amount of time. He was trying to take care of you in this small way…. It just so happened to also get a little out of hand.

“Emily?” you heard a voice coming from beside you

“Hey thanks for letting me know about that night it was just brought up and I was worried that something worse had happened” you said making eye contact with Baekhyun who was walking towards you looking pretty down and shy “I’ve got to go so I’ll talk to you later.”

“bye” Lydia said before she hung up

You dropped your phone to your side and slid it back into your pocket before you turned towards Baekhyun. You looked over his face and he seemed unsure of what to sat to you before he just started  blurting out words

“I didn’t fight with him or anything. The bouncers just kicked him out. Nothing bad happened.”

“nothing bad happened?” you repeated his last word as if they were a joke to you. “you’re very lucky that things didn’t end up any worse. Could you imagine what kind of trouble that you would be in if a fan or the company found out how you were hitting on women pretty strongly in the clubs?” you asked him

He looked at you for a moment before he turned to look away from you, unable to hold eye contact.

“baekhyun what if that night you had pissed off the wrong guy and they made it public about how you were hitting on a girl and then had bouncers beat him up for coming in between you?” you asked

He turned to you visibly upset now with his eyebrows bunched together “that’s not what happened!” he almost yelled

“I know that, that’s not what happened…” you said back quietly hoping to give him the clue to keep his voice down  “but do you see how easily that I was able to twist the truth and make you seem like a bad guy?” you asked him

Baekhyun looked at you for a moment before he let out his held breath. “I know, I know. It could have been a lot worse” he replied like a stubborn child

You looked him up and down before you looked into his eyes once more “you’re pretty damn lucky that I recognized who you were in the club despite how dark it was.” You explained to him “if it was anyone else this would have played out totally different. I would have never answered your phone calls or text messages, or have even given you the time of day to show me that you could actually be serious about something.”

Baekhyun looked up at you with a small smile “what is that supposed to mean?” he asked searching your eyes for the answer.

You hesitated to answer his question and looked away from him for a moment trying to figure out how to answer in a way that wouldn’t give yourself away too soon.

“Emily? What is that supposed to mean?” he asked again with his smile growing wider by the second.

You looked back at him for a split second before turning your head back away to answer “it means that I know that you aren’t really a bad guy”

“and how would you know?” he asked getting a step closer to you forcing you to look up into his eyes.

You stared up at him softly looking into his brown eyes and glancing over his features. You would never tell him to his face directly but Baekhyun was really beautiful. His skin looked smooth and well hydrated. His cheeks were round, and his lips were so pink and looked so soft.

You bit your bottom lip as you looked back up to him “because you’re my bias” you answered as softly as possible, making it almost impossible to hear.

You were ready to pull away and book it for the stairs, unwilling to see Baekhyun stand around and gloat that he was your bias. You could almost see him jumping around his other members and annoying them for the rest of the night just because of your favoritism.

You quickly turned to make a run for it, but Baekhyun had grabbed onto your hand tightly and pulled you back to were you stood.

“why are you running away?” he asked with a cocky sideways grin as he turned and trapped you against the wall with both of his arms stretching out to the wall.

You started at his with wide eyes “baekhyun!” you whisper shouted as you checked the hallways for anyone possibly walking in your direction. “let me go before someone comes!”

“say it again” he said as if he was the least concerned person in the world

You lightly hit his arm “no, let me go!”

“say it again and ill let you go.” He said as he stood over you with a devilish grin, happy because he had you exactly where he wanted you

You straightened out and looked up at him defiantly “let me go or else –“

“or else what?” he asked cocking his head to the side “say it or ill punish you”

You looked at him for a few moments weighing your options before you rolled your eyes. Fine. You had made your bed and now you were going to lay in it. “you’re my bias” you said softly again

Baekhyun’s smile slowly transitioned from cocky to soft as he looked down at you. Feeling vulnerable you looked back up to him shyly overly aware of how close the two of you were and how loud the sound of your heart was in your chest.

“sorry” Baekhyun said sternly

You looked up to him confused and within a moment his hand was clutching the back of your head while the other held your cheek and his lips were pressed firmly against your own. Your eyes flew open and you stared at Baekhyun who had his eyes closed with passion as he kissed you. You were frozen in place unaware of what to do or how to react.

Baekhyun could feel your body freeze and after a moment he pulled away to gauge your reaction. He had a look of concern etched across his face as he looked at you waiting for any type of response.

You looked up at him in total shock. Had he really just kissed you. He… you could see him start to withdrawal from you and without thinking you grabbed his collar and stood on your tiptoes to return his kiss.

This time you wrapped your arms around his shoulders and leaned into the kiss. You shut your eyes and let your lips follow Baekhyun’s lead as he took control.

He had backed the two of you into the wall so you would be kept in a tight firm spot, leaving you no space to run away now. the two of you were so wrapped around each other that you didn’t bother pulling away from him until you absolutely needed oxygen.

As you pulled away to catch your breath you had looked up at Baekhyun as if you were absolutely starstruck. You couldn’t believe that you just kissed him in the middle of the hallway.

Suddenly the door to his apartment opened up and Baekhyun quickly leaned against the wall to hide your faces from whoever was coming outside.

“hyung!” Chanyeol shouted from the door

“what?” Baekhyun shouted back without tearing his eyes away from you for a single moment

“we’re going to play league now!” Chanyeol said quickly before going back inside and closing the door

Baekhyun let out a soft sigh and closed his eyes for a moment before looking back down at you softly. He had opened his mouth to say something, but before you let him get the chance to say anything you beat him to it.

“I should get going now. I still have a lot to unpack” you said

Baekhyun looked down at the floor and then nodded his head

“goodnight” you said politely before you walked towards the stairs.

You kept your head straight as you walked, listening for the sound of the apartment door before you dared to look back again.

As you looked back you stared at the apartment door and steadied your breath and heart rate. You couldn’t believe that you had just kissed Byun Baekhyun. It was by far the craziest thing that had ever happened in your life, but one thing was abundantly clear now more than ever. Whatever lingering feelings you had for his as an artist or a person were going to have to be pushed aside as long as you were working for them as their English instructor.

The two of you couldn’t risk being in a relationship and getting caught like what almost happened in the hallway. It could get you fired and ruin his career, and you would rather be his friend than the most hated woman among his fan club and his group members.

[ourimpavidheroine]

You always post your writing soundtracks. Mind sharing your top ten albums with us?

I actually laughed when I read this because I’m thinking of the Anon who complained that all of my music was OLD. I mean. I’m old! What did you expect?

Never mind me, I’m easily amused. Thank you for using the word album so I would not feel like Lady Danbury with my lethal cane.

Yes, sure I can do that! I don’t know that these are my forever and ever amen top ten, but they are the ones that are coming to mind right now. So.

Under a cut, it’s long. 

In no particular order.

Brutal Youth - Elvis Costello

My ex-husband was in love with Elvis Costello and who could blame him? The man is a genius lyricist. This is not one of his more commercially popular albums but I love every single track. (I also lined up at Ticketmaster in Oakland, CA when the man was touring in order to get tickets for my ex. I got there at midnight and spent the night, meeting a group of drag queens who were getting tickets to see Barbara Streisand. God, that was a fun night, we ate donuts one of them went on a donut run for and sang showtunes for hours. One of my favorite memories.) This verse, from Clown Strike, is one that has resonated with me since I first heard it.

Tell me what you want of me Or are you terrified of failure? You put on a superstitious face Behind all this paraphernalia We're not living in a masquerade Where you only have three wishes It isn't easy to see In a lifetime of mistaken kisses

Unrepentant Geraldines - Tori Amos

I remember the first time I heard a Tori Amos song. It was the summer directly after I’d graduated from college, I was driving my ex-husband’s car and Silent All These Years came on the radio and I was just fucking gobsmacked. I bought Little Earthquakes that day and haven’t looked back. I have all her albums. I am a big, big fan.

Unrepentant Geraldines, though. God. It came out the year before my wife died and it got me through her death. The song Weatherman is about a man losing his wife, and how he sees her in the nature surrounding him. 

And. 

No, sorry, I can’t write more about this, not right now. But I sing it to her sometimes. 

He is not a weatherman But his bride lies with the land And she will whisper to him I'll be dressing up in snow Cloaked in echo it's almost As if only Nature knows How to paint his wife to life With every season's tone "One more look from her eyes One more look can you paint her back to life"

Ray of Light - Madonna

This album got me through my divorce from my ex-husband. I’d go out every single day during my lunch hour, this on my walkman, and walk and walk and walk until I got myself in enough control to go back and finish my work day. It’s a great album and I still listen to it a lot. It empowers me. And then my daughter was born and Ray of Light has always been her song to me, even though that wasn’t the song on the album that Madonna herself wrote for her daughter.

Faster than the speeding light she's flying Trying to remember where it all began She's got herself a little piece of heaven Waiting for the time when Earth shall be as one And I feel like I just got home And I feel And I feel like I just got home And I feel

Seven and the Ragged Tiger - Duran Duran

This one was a difficult choice. For one thing, I really love their album Big Thing, which almost nobody’s heard about but one I love deeply. This one though...I think it’s the memories, including going to see them at the Oakland Coliseum with my cousin during their tour for this album and finding out they were partially filming the video for The Reflex that night. I like to think of us as being one of those girls in the audience. (Although I wasn’t screaming. I am a Capricorn. Have some dignity.) Duran Duran were responsible for my first fanfic and I’ve had a love for them since my Dad bought me their first album for my 13th birthday. I am nothing if not loyal. I have all of their early albums, all of their 12″ singles, too, including Secret Oktober, which I have always loved with a passion.

Also, Roger Taylor can still get it.

Freefall on a windy morning shore nothing but a fading track of footsteps Could prove that you never been there Spoken on a cotton cloud like the sound of gunshot taken by the wind And lost in distant thunder racing on a shining plain And tomorrow you'll be content to watch as the lightning plays along the wires and you'll wonder

Touch - Eurythmics

Another band I still love and listen to on the regular. Annie Lennox could sing me the telephone book and I’d be thrilled. Seeing her at age 14 in the Sweet Dreams video for the first time in my Grandmother’s living room quite literally woke something in me that led to moving across the world for a woman years later. (GOD.) I have all of their albums and choosing a favorite is difficult but this one won by a narrow margin, if only for the song Regrets, which is one of the songs that describes me until I became a mother, really. Like I RESONATED with that song. Still does in certain ways, if I am being truthful to myself.

I've got a delicate mind I've got a dangerous nature And my fist collides With your furniture I've got a delicate mind I've got a dangerous nature And my fist collides With your furniture I'm an electric wire And I'm stuck inside your head

Combat Rock - The Clash

Ah, teenage Impavid first understanding that music can also be political. Listen, I didn’t know much about what was going on outside of my own miniscule sphere - I was young and the internet didn’t exist yet. We got what news we got from our local paper and TV stations and they weren’t really reporting on what was happening in the world, not in 1982, let me fucking assure you. I got this album because my Dad was a part time DJ at a radio station that played mostly country music and the general manager of the station would just toss the rest of the non-country albums they’d get as promotions. My Dad would bring them home to me to listen to. You can imagine thirteen year old me listening to this album that opened with “This is a public service announcement - with guitars!” going WHAT THE FUCK? Let me just say there were a lot of trips to the library to read various newspapers after that.

Not to mention Rock the Casbah. What was a muezzin? I had no idea. I spent half a year reading books about Islam, about the Middle East and Northern Africa, which led to a curiosity about other religions beyond the Roman Catholicism in which I’d been raised, about other cultures as well. This album and The Color Purple by Alice Walker were the two things in my teen years that woke me the fuck up.

Now the king told the boogie men You have to let that raga drop The oil down the desert way Has been shakin' to the top The sheik he drove his Cadillac He went a' cruisin' down the ville The muezzin was a' standing On the radiator grille

Synchronicity - The Police

This fucking album. This fucking album. This album reached deep down into me and pulled out my soul and kicked it around for awhile. Every single song on this album hit me like a brick wall. Still does. Most likely always will.

Listen, you either like King of Pain or you live it. There’s no in between.

There's a little black spot on the sun today It's the same old thing as yesterday There's a black hat caught in a high tree top There's a flag pole rag and the wind won't stop I have stood here before inside the pouring rain With the world turning circles running 'round my brain. I guess I'm always hoping that you'll end this reign, But it's my destiny to be the king of pain...

Sign O’ The Times - Prince 

The soundtrack to my University days. Jesus, it starts out with “In France a skinny man died of a big disease with a little name,” and it just keeps going. Pain, sex, wonder, glory, politics, love. It’s all there. I wore the vinyl out on this one. Amazing, amazing album. In fact, I still play it so often my kids practically know it by heart, and they don’t even like Prince!

To this day I think If I Was Your Girlfriend is the sexiest song ever written.

I will tell you this much: Sayuri’s main writing soundtrack song is Starfish and Coffee off the album, the same song I used to sing my kids as a lullaby. This should tell you a lot about her.

Cynthia wore the prettiest dress With different color socks Sometimes I wondered if the mates where in her lunchbox Me and Lucy opened it when Cynthia wasn't around Lucy cried, I almost died, U know what we found? Starfish and coffee Maple syrup and jam Butterscotch clouds, a tangerine And a side order of ham If U set your mind free, honey Maybe you'd understand Starfish and coffee Maple syrup and jam

Nina Simone Sings The Blues - Nina Simone

This was one of my Daddy’s albums. He loved it and so did I. As a child I just loved the sound of her voice - something in it both soothed me and pulled at me, made me want to run and just keep running. She still makes me feel like that. If you don’t know Nina Simone I urge you to change that, right now. There’s nobody at all like her. She’s irreplaceable. All of her material is good, not just her blues songs. Not to mention, she was an absolute brilliant genius at the piano, never mind the strength she had as a Black woman in a time when doors were shut in her face on a daily basis. Seriously. Read about her.

When I became a woman, of course, her songs took on a much deeper meaning for me, one that I could relate to. Isn’t that the hallmark of a good album, though? One that stays with you and changes with you? I think so.

If you’ve never heard her cover of I Put A Spell On You then do yourself a favor and go right now and listen. You’re welcome.

Oh and Buck from this album? Nuo to Wing, right there.

Also one of the sexiest songs ever written, this one. Especially how she sings it. The Hot Frenchman (have I ever told you about The Hot Frenchman? no? OH BOY THERE’S A STORY) told me he thought it was about drugs and I was like, honey, this tells me a whole lot about you, more than you probably wanted it to.

I want a little sugar In my bowl I want a little sweetness Down in my soul I could stand some lovin' Oh so bad I feel so funny and I feel so sad I want a little steam On my clothes Maybe I can fix things up So they'll go Whatsa matter Daddy Come on, save my soul I need some sugar in my bowl I ain't foolin' I want some sugar in my bowl

I Do Not Want What I Haven't Got - Sinéad O’Connor

This is a beautiful album, full of pain and joy, her hallmark. She sings every single word with everything in her; she’s far too intense for many, many people (and while she’s been open with her mental health struggles I’ve often wondered if she isn’t somewhere on the spectrum as well) but never for me. Her raw honesty has always appealed to me. She’s political, she’s a lover, a mother, a survivor of horrific abuse, someone who keeps reinventing herself as a way to find her way through pain. I always feel, when I am listening to her music, that I am bearing witness. I’m not afraid of pain; I’ve survived it as well. This album, one of her oldest, is still my favorite.

The line “You used to hold my hand when the plane took off” is the most evocative lyric I have ever heard with regards to the ending of love. It’s a punch to the heart - she felt it and she shared it with us, her fragile heart in her palms. Oh, Sinéad.

This is the last day of our acquaintance I will meet you later in somebody's office I'll talk but you won't listen to me I know what your answer will be I know you don't love me anymore You used to hold my hand when the plane took off Two years ago there just seemed so much more And I don't know what happened to our love

[amazingmsme]

For the horror ask thing, 3 and 20!

3. you're planning a horror movie marathon with your friends - which movies are you picking? The original Halloween & Nightmare on Elm Street first of all, those are my top faves. Room 1408, A Quiet Place, The Amityville Horror but the one with Ryan Reynolds, Delirium, Silence of the Lambs, What Lies Beneath, Bad Times at the El Royale, Kiss the Girls & probably a lot more that I can’t think of right now, but horror is like my favorite genre of film & I tend to prefer paranormal & psychological stories as well as more realistic ones like people being kidnapped or escaping a killer. Midsommar & The House that Jack Built are also fantastic films but both get extremely fucked up & graphic so I’d have to check with whoever I’m watching with. The Conjuring movies are all great & id probably have a marathon just for them

20. do you have any personal scary stories? something that happened to you or somebody close to you? I have way too many, you’d think being the only people who ever lived in this house would mean no ghosts, but you’d be wrong. But I’ll give some highlights:

-1 time when I was trying to leave my room as a kid, some orange nail polish shot out directly in front of my face & hit the wall before sliding down to the floor. With how fast it was going it 100% should’ve broke but it kind of stayed there for a second before falling down

-my sister heard & felt someone whisper in her ear that was pressed against her pillow

-I saw a tall man in my closet watching me dance in my room, this was around the time I was in middle school. To this day I’m still paranoid that I’ll see him if I go dance in there

-one time as a kid it was freezing outside but I still wanted to go out & play. My grandma was watching me while my mom took my sister to the doctor & I was playing out of sight from any window. My old dog Gabby was super protective & barked at everything, & out of nowhere this young woman appears, I’d say mid to late teens. For reference I was wearing 2 pairs of pants, a long sleeve shirt, a puffy jacket & a hat & gloves. This girl was wearing short shorts, a spaghetti strap tank top & was barefoot with no visible signs that she was cold. I was just frozen staring at her & she looked at me. I think she might’ve said she liked my dog but I can’t really remember. I looked over at Gabby & back at her & she was gone

-a few years ago when I stepped out of the shower, 3 full fingers were pressed into the steam on the mirror, but what’s really odd is that there was no palm mark. Of course I took a picture

-we have a tiny porcelain doll that’s haunted & I’m positive that’s where the little girl came from. She’s chilled out over the years but it used to be every time you talked about it, something would happen about 30 minutes after. Like our drapes would fly open, the tv would turn on, we heard a ringing that wasn’t our doorbell, weird shit like that. The guys my mom used to baby sit were terrified of her

-when I was like 3 I was staring at the cabinet she’s kept in & my mom asked what I was doing. She said I had this strange determined & stern look on my face & said “she needs to be standing up.” I was never a stubborn kid but I was adamant about it. After that the activity lessened by a lot

-also regarding the doll, my sister took some pictures of her on the first step in our pool for her photography class but no matter what, the teacher couldn’t open the files for the doll pictures. She could get the other ones but her computer would act very weird when she tried to see those specific ones

-everyone in my family has seen the little girl & even 1 of my sister’s friends saw her go to my room. I think only my sister & I have seen the man tho & he usually appears as a dark shadow, tho when he was in my closet I could see more detail like clothes, but his facial features were in shadow

-the girl looks like your basic horror movie child ghost, like I’m not shitting you. She’s got long dark hair & wears a white dress & whenever I see her the dress is usually the first thing I notice

-2 years ago my sister & I were at our house while my parents when you a high school reunion. We were chilling out by the pool when the chair sitting next to me scooted away from the table. I saw it happen & it freaked me out & my sister heard it & we were both scared. Idk why but I always just assumed they’d never go outside & so shit like that

-random objects can go missing & then appear right before your eyes, but not before you turn the house upside down first. I think they enjoy seeing us frustrated & it ticks me off

-we will hear people talking sometimes but you can’t really make out what they’re saying. If it’s more than 1 voice then it’s always a guy & girl’s voices

-I get touched by them the most out of my family & I fucking hate it. Get your fake dead hands OFF my body I do not like you. I’ve been touched in my house & a few times when I was hospitalized, & once this year at a guest house on vacation. The weird thing about the times in the hospital were that they all happened on the left side of my body. Hands down the worst part of it is when I can feel the size of the hands so I know if it’s a child or adult. & for some reason, ghosts like to touch you 1 finger at a time, 0/10 would recommend

-in my dad’s old house he said he could feel someone sitting on his bed with him & could even see the indention. He said he thought it was his Papaw. But when we go there I almost always get an unsettling vibe

-I made sure to save the best for last! This is my worst/scariest experience & I really hope my cousin doesn’t see this because it happened when they were here. But the younger one was in my room already asleep so I was just chilling on my phone in the dark. My phone illuminated the room just enough so I could see a few feet around me & I saw the girl at the foot of my bed. She had on that stupid white dress & her dark hair hung over her shoulders & hid her face. Then she grabbed the footboard & acted like she was about to fucking crawl up so I noped the fuck out & turned off my phone & proceeded to hide under the covers. Then I just… went to sleep? I mean I’ve been used to that shit all my life but I have no idea how I slept after that. I knew that if I got my mom then it would wake up my cousin & she’d know that something weird was up so I just ignored it the best I could. But you bet your ass I told Mom the next day

Like I said, I have a lot of stories & there’s still more I could share, but most stuff is pretty insignificant & I forget what exactly happened, but stuff does happen. Lately I’ve been seeing a lot of shadows & I really hope that there’s nothing in my new apartment. But yeah, sorry this got so long!

[sheblah]

Plz give us the risky™️ post about shadow weaver being in the vibe check. Plz.

I was hoping and/or dreading that someone would ask lol

I might as well share my thoughts. This got long, sorry. Some of you may think this answer is a cop-out or I'm thinking about it too hard, but just hear me out.

Obviously Double Trouble was wrong about Catra "driving away" Shadow Weaver, and it's very messed up to say she did, being a victim of Shadow Weaver's abuse since childhood. But here's the thing.

I don't think Double Trouble knew the true nature of Catra and Shadow Weaver's relationship.

"But they're a spy!" I hear you saying. "Their whole thing is gathering information!"

Listen. They weren't there to see any interactions between Catra and SW - not a single one. By the time they came on the scene, SW had sodded off to Bright Moon quite some time ago. The only way they could have learned about Catra's abuse would be from someone else. And the only person who could have told them the whole truth was Catra, and she would never volunteer that information to anyone - she wouldn't willingly be that vulnerable. Heck, she even hid it from Adora when they were friends. And besides Catra, nobody else knew about it.

That's right, nobody knew the true nature of Catra and SW's relationship. Not Scorpia, not Adora, not even Shadow Weaver herself. Because nobody else saw it for what it was.

Scorpia knows a Catra who fought back against her unfair superior officer - who fearlessly beat SW, put her in a cell, and claimed her title. She knows that SW was important to Catra, to the extent that her leaving for Bright Moon devastated Catra. But she didn't know the innocent young girl who was helpless against a grown attacker. Honestly, if she had any idea how badly SW traumatized her wildcat? She wouldn't have been nearly as cordial as she was when she met SW in Bright Moon. (And even if she did piece it together, I don't think Scorpia ever got the chance to talk to DT directly before the secret mission.)

But if anyone knew the truth, it would be Adora, right? She was there! Well, yes... but also no. Adora saw what was happening, but never consciously comprehended that it was abuse. She's never shown anger or resentment toward SW for what she did to Catra specifically. That's because what she saw (or thought she saw) was punishment. Scary, painful punishment, sure - but not senseless cruelty. SW convinced her there was a reason for it. Catra was misbehaving. Adora didn't keep her in line well enough. It wasn't entirely undeserved, because Catra made a mistake! And whatever happened to Catra wasn't SW's fault - it was Adora's fault for not protecting her well enough. Adora was groomed to think Catra deserved the punishment, even if it hurt to see it happen. And then as they grew up, she saw Catra deliberately exhibiting behaviors that would upset SW, like being late for training and a general lack of ambition - seemingly giving SW more reason to treat her as the un-favorite. Plus, as I mentioned, Catra never gave Adora the full picture. She downplayed and minimized and suggested the worst thing she suffered in the Fright Zone was boredom. Adora saw it, she witnessed it - but she still doesn't truly Know.

Besides all that, I can't see Adora willingly talking about her childhood with Catra. Not to Flutterina, a brand new recruit, and not after the portal incident shattered the part of her that still considered Catra a friend. She was in no position to sympathize with Catra at the time Flutterina joined the Alliance.

And Shadow Weaver? Yeah, she should very well know that Catra never deserved anything she did to her. And yet! She doesn't even think she did anything wrong! She's never shown a single iota of remorse for her unfair and cruel treatment of Catra. Even if she did talk to Flutterina/DT at some point off screen, she wouldn't have revealed that she's an abuser, because she doesn't think she is one. Plus, of the three, she's by far the least likely to give Flutterina/DT any of her personal history.

No one else in the Alliance could have let it slip, because they didn't know anything. It doesn't seem like Adora has ever told her BFFs Glimmer or Bow about Catra in detail, much less the other princesses.

That's why I doubt DT could have known about the abuse, even with their intel gathering skills. For lack of firsthand observation, they could only know what everyone else knew, and nobody else knew the entire truth.

We also need to analyze the Vibe Check itself, and stay with me, because I feel this is the strongest evidence. In the moment they turn into SW, this is what they say:

"People have hurt you, haven't they? They didn't believe in you..."

...As if THAT'S the worst thing SW has ever done to hurt Catra. Just... not believing in her. The magical attacks, the threats, the manipulation? Nope! The most painful thing is that Mommy Thinks You're a Screwup. This tells me that, as far as DT knows, it IS the worst thing she's done. Because they're aiming to really hurt Catra here! They picked out all the most important people in her life and threw their most hurtful injustices in her face. Hordak, the highest authority figure in her life, didn't trust her... despite her clawing her way through hell to prove herself. Adora didn't need her, left her... despite supposedly being her closest friend since childhood. And Shadow Weaver...

...didn't believe in her. Like... okay, if DT knew what their relationship was really like, they would have done a lot better than that.

There's also the fact that it doesn't fit the pattern. Catra really did drive away the other three in one way or another. Hordak - she got rid of Entrapta and lied to him about it. Adora - gave up on Catra after she activated the portal. Scorpia - left because Catra was a bad friend. These are all true. They hurt Catra because they're true. So why would DT knowingly throw in one lie when they clearly know the truth hurts more? This tells me the falsehood was not deliberate.

They didn't know. They couldn't have known. I don't mean this in a "tHeY dIdN't MeAn To HuRt HeR!" way. They definitely did. They hurt her the best they knew how. And they could and would have done it way more effectively if they knew what SW did to Catra, which they didn't.

Here's what they did know. 1) Catra has a tendency to sabotage her most important relationships. 2) At least two of those relationships ended with the other person leaving her and joining the Alliance. 3) Shadow Weaver also left the Fright Zone and joined the Alliance.

They saw the pattern. The same thing happened with both Adora and Scorpia. They didn't know what Catra did to drive SW away, but it had to be something, because she's already driven two (2) people into the Alliance, and here's a third woman who fits the mold. They probably thought that Catra was such a terrible subordinate and problem child that SW preferred to switch sides and be with her star pupil rather than waste any more time on Catra. The trick is, even though that's objectively false, the punch still landed because part of Catra actually believes that.

They took what little knowledge they had about Catra + SW, put it all together, and came to a conclusion. It was the wrong conclusion, so their accusation was very messed up - but a different kind of messed up than they were going for.

If I'm right, then if and how this gets addressed in S5 is anybody's guess. What my dumb heart wants is for DT to learn the truth, go "ah crap, I wanted to devastate her but not with a LIE, that's beneath me," and then admit they were wrong about that part when they meet Catra again. But that's awfully hopeful lol

[yaz-the-spaz]

Just your own opinion, but how do you think they'll will end both babygates?

i really don’t know nonnie...there’s multiple routes they could go…

[under the cut for those who may not wanna see]

for liam:

there was already the little bit of seeding (though where it actually originated idk but it’s just interesting that it was circulated in general and was seemingly positively accepted as a plausible story by some het stans) that he’s not the biological father but that he’s just such a nice person that he agreed to help care for/raise the kid as his own, so there’s always the option of circulating/publishing that more widely until it becomes a more known and accepted “fact” for the het stans and gp to fall back on

for zayn, as things stand right now they could go either:

-m**carriage

-paternity switcheroo/surprise paternity announcement

-claim zayn’s the father and he’s stuck in this mess indefinitely (until he inevitably pulls a tom cruise and forgets her or the child even exist lol)

in my headcanon, the second one is fueled largely by the fact that the hadids haven’t technically mentioned zayn by name as the father. i’m told that when directly asked on fallon about who the father was, g actually evaded confirming herself that it was zayn and hasn’t confirmed by name anywhere else i don’t think (??) that zayn is actually the father, and so far all she’s really done is post two pictures with him, only one of which was with his “face” showing - that might i add is highly questionable and has been heavily scrutinized and picked apart by anyone who actually knows what zayn looks like lol - so that’s the only real thing that’s even implicated him in all this for the most part which you could argue is not super substantial lol. they’ve never even officially confirmed they were “back together” i don’t think, cause this whole iteration of z*gi attempt #2,859,025 it’s pretty much just been occasional pics of them hugging or walking next to each other and just implied that they’re back together but no official word i don’t think. and right now it’s also mostly just been tabloids carrying the story that zayn’s the father and no actual name confirmation from either the hadid or the malik camp. so combine that with the fact that both zayn and his family have been pretty much radio silent (and quite shady in their obvious ignoring of it all lol) about this alleged coming child and his supposed fatherhood AND with g’s father dismissing the baby chatter as “rumors” and one could hypothetically foresee them going the route of: well yes she is pregnant (but by someone else lol) and the part that was the rumor was that zayn’s the father, the truth is she and zayn have just remained close friends and he’s been very supportive of her during this time and will always love and care for her blah, blah, blah…and queue the announcement of the “actual” father as some bigger brighter star who she’s been “secretly dating” who would probably be much more willing to participate in this nonsense than zayn (or who actually is the father lol?)

but that’s of course all wishful thinking and highly unlikely and right now either the tom cruise route or the m**carriage route unfortunately seems the most likely. especially given that the whole (more obvious) paternity test route hasn’t been embarked on in either of the previous babygates (so basically why should we believe they’d do it now) and also wouldn’t even really make as much sense here narratively cause ofc they always wanna paint g as the sweet saintly princess and having zayn demand a paternity test would just sow a story of mistrust in hollywood’s favorite It Couple and make it look as if he had reason to think g might be sleeping around which they would never go for. they’re not gonna let their most prized cash cow darling little innocent princess have her image tarnished by getting painted as someone who cheats and sleeps around so much she got knocked up by some rando and then used the pregnancy to try to trap zayn. in fact the tabloid stories i’ve seen running are the exact opposite, trying to make it seem like zayn’s the one who trapped HER because apparently all this time he was just sooo lovesick and just pining and waiting and oh so desperately hoping for a reason for them to get back together and stay together and now he “has one” 🤮

anyway to me the other two options depend heavily on if there even actually is a real baby or not. if there is then the tom cruise route is sadly the more likely play, which would mean that zayn is stuck in the same boat as lou and li for quite a while, though expect minimal participation on his part if any (probably while looking absolutely dead inside) and probably also a healthy side of the obligatory unreliable father narrative (or just plain shitty father narrative). on the other hand, if there is no baby (like i suspect for a multitude of reasons) then…obviously m**carriage story is the way to go and it’s awful and i wish it wasn’t even something i had to consider but i also wish none of this was something i even had to consider or think about at all lol so yeah…

alternatively there’s always a possibility that there’s some other route that hasn’t even crossed my mind/isn’t even on my radar that they could go, but…remains to be seen i suppose. anyway short story long (as usual lol), those are my thoughts as it stands right now…

[minervahopebeyond]

Blood Petals.

You have no idea of how happy I am that I finally got to write this! Let me know what you think!💕

Ps. Sorry if you find any errors (from vocabulary or grammar)

Chapter 16: Slug Club Christmas party (part 1)

The thing that Draco hated the most about everyone knowing, was being treated like a fucking <cite>toddler</cite>.

Because he lied about his condition for months, no one trusted him. They didn’t tell him that, of course.... but Draco hadn’t been alone for not even one second in almost two weeks. He was losing the little patience he had. He even told Weasley last week.

“I’m not a child you know? I can go to the bloody bathroom by myself.” To which his friend only responded.

“Yeah, but since usually you go to bathrooms to cough your lungs out in secret... I prefer to come with.”

Stupid fucking weasel; there was a reason why he did that. The only positive thing was that, since he woke up, he seemed to get the coughs so bloody often that nobody could know who was the person he was in love with. Well, except for Severus and Theo.

His godfather didn’t say a thing, only that he understood why hadn’t he told him sooner. ‘<cite> I’m not justifying your behavior, but I understand why you told Black and Potter. That being said: do not lie to me again, Draco. It’s going to be a problem.’ </cite> The words kept repeating in his head, Severus’s broken voice at the end... The blond boy felt kind of guilty.

With Theodore, it was different. They didn’t talk since he was at the hospital wing and Draco couldn’t help but to miss him a little. He shouldn’t, he knew that, but he felt so at home when he woke up to see the boy.

“Rise and shine, Draco.” The brunette was looking at him with a soft smile. There was something in the air that smelled wonderful... when he looked at the boy’s hand, he saw a little potion vial. He frowned.

“It’s just Amortentia... I read somewhere that the smell could help patients with the flower thing you have.”

Draco narrowed his eyes at that. Theo didn’t like to <cite>read</cite>, if he had read that, then it was because he was looking for an answer...Which meant that the boy still cared. He chose not to point that out, though; the brunette had a tendency to be mean when he felt vulnerable.

“What day is it?” His voice came out rough, his throat was dry.

“It’s Wensday.”

The blond boy widened his eyes, must had been in a comic way because Theo chuckled.

“Don’t say anything about this” The boy said, pointing to the vial before putting it in his pocket. “You weren’t waking up and I couldn’t think of anything else.”

Draco felt so happy, he woke up to a reality where Theo still chose him to keep his secrets. He smiled as he looked at the hazel-eyed boy.

“Your secret is safe with me, Theodore.” Then everyone got in and that was that.

And even though both, Severus and Theo, knew that Draco was in love with Potter, neither of them made a comment about it. It helped him to feel less pathetic.

The coughs were small, he had them more often but they rarely ended up in a coughing fit. Maybe he would cough one or two petals effortlessly and move on with his day. Unless, of course, he saw Potter <cite>pining</cite> after Ginevra.

You know what was sad? That Draco woke up to a worried Potter. When the boy broke all of the bottles at the infirmary, with his magic being all over the place... It gave him hope. He never saw the green-eyed boy so upset and that made him hope for it to <cite>mean something</cite>. It didn’t.

Potter was actually coming to terms with his feelings, so that meant that he kept doing things to make Ginevra smile or (this was Draco’s worst nightmare coming to life) he would talk to <cite> him</cite> about how ‘he didn’t understand’ Thomas and Girl-Weasley’s relationship.

The excuse he had came up with to explain why he coughed all the time,while talking to Potter about Ginevra, was the most basic thing ever. When Draco thought of it, he was hoping that it would be so stupid that ,maybe, it could work.

“Talking about people that are disgustingly in love, makes me think about how unrequited my love is, Potter.” The boy looked at him with pained eyes. The flowers started to move again, this time in a good way. “Stop pitying me. I hate that.” The boy chuckled.

“I know. I just-” The boy sighed as he rested his back against the wall of the hallway. “<cite>Who</cite> wouldn’t want you back?”

The way he said it... so aloof. Like it wasn’t the most precious thing that Draco had heard from his mouth in six years. He blushed, the daffodils were moving like crazy. Then, he remembered, the boy in front of him was like this with everyone, kind, caring, he just loved that much. Right now, Potter and him had this weird kind of friendship going on... For the boy, that meant that he wouldn’t want Draco to feel bad, so he had said something that could make him feel happy.

Draco cleared his throat.

“He is straight.” The blond boy saw the face of the boy fell. Then, he blinked as he frowned.

“But that is not fair! What kind of deal is that??” He was glad to have the habit of casting a muffliato, because Potter was speaking too loudly for his liking.

“It’s a life for a life, Potter. I already told you.”

“Did you ask him?” Draco snorted.

“I don’t need to ask. He only looks, talks and gets crushes on girls.” He pulled his knees to his chest. He hated this conversation, he had it with everyone already. It’s always the same: ‘you should at least try’... Draco didn’t want to try anything, he wanted to keep moping in peace.

“Who is it?” Potter was looking at him, determined eyes on his face. Oh, For Salazar’s sake. Saint Potter already had a plan.

“I’m not telling you. And whatever the fuck you have in mind: it’s not going to work.” The boy crossed his arms over his chest and huffed.

———————

Since the hospital, the golden trio and the slytherins were something that went together. They would meet on the free periods, studied at the library, of even join him and Weasley on Sundays. Draco thought it was amazing.

He was kind of worried about how it looked for his best friends on the public eye, he even told them that. Long story short: Pansy said that if her best friend had a terminal disease, she could pretty much do as she pleased. Blaise, on the other hand, said that his family couldn’t care less about his life at Hogwarts. Draco knew it wasn’t true but with the little time he had... He wasn’t going to complain about it.

They were at the great hall, classes had finished for the day; and there wasn’t anything else to do, but to hang out.

He was talking to Pansy about how much he missed having fun, <cite> real fun</cite>, with the stupid curfew it was impossible for them to sneak out. Then, his best friend widened her eyes in realization, she turned to the rest of the group.

“Golden trio: you are going to Slughorn’s Christmas party, right?”

“<cite>We have names.</cite>” Potter groaned.

“I honestly don’t care. Answer the question.” Then Weasley spoke.

“I’m not invited, this two are going with <cite> their dates</cite>” Weasley’s annoyance was palpable. That was a comment clearly directed at Granger.

“Ronald, you were the one who told me that the club was stupid! You can’t get mad because I invited someone else.” The girl responded.

Potter started to hit his head against the table repeatedly.

“Why did you invite him? I asked you a million times and you still can’t answer. That’s because you made it on purpose.”

“You are impossible when you get like this.” Granger said as she closed the book in front of her harshly.

“Can you NOT fight about this just for one bloody day?” That was Potter, he had stopped hitting his own head to yell at them. Blaise chose that moment to intervene.

“Pans, this is a touchy subject...” He said raising his eyebrows at her. “Was there a point..?”

“Yes, but they started to yell.” The short haired girl said pointing at the them. “Blaise: drum roll please.” His friend started to pound his hands on the table, chuckling. “We are going to sneak out to the Astronomy tower on that night and get extremely pissed. The teachers and Filch would be too busy with the party going on so it’s perfect!!” Then she looked directly at Ron. “And you are coming with us, Weasley. You don’t have an option!”

The redhead’s face seemed to light up at that, he nodded as he smiled brightly at them.

“You could get in serious trouble!” Granger hissed.

“Oh, <cite>Please</cite>. You’ve been sneaking out to do dangerous shit since first year! All involving the Dark Lord or Death eaters one way or another. If they found us, we’ll lose house points and live with it.” Draco said as he made a gesture with his hand, indicating that it didn’t matter.

“I have your favorite firewhisky, Dragon” His best friend pinched his cheeks and he smiled at Blaise.

He could hear the green eyed boy, whispering with the gryffindor girl; arguing. Potter groaned in a dramatic way.

“I don’t want to go to this stupid party, Mione!”

“But you <cite> have </cite> to.” Granger hissed at him.

Why was so important? He couldn’t imagine Potter going to the party to talk about his career options... And the girl’s tone indicated that there was something that they knew and the Slytherins didn’t.

“Who are you going with, Potty?” He asked as aloof as he could. The boy just shrugged.

“Luna. We are going as friends.” Draco nodded. That wasn’t so bad. Luna was beautiful but Potter wasn’t attracted to her, so it would be fine... No possibility of kissing.

“Draco, if you pass out we can call your Prince Charming.” Said Pansy while wiggling her eyebrows. He blushed and reached over to hit her in the head. She should know better than to make that kind of comments in front of the Gryffindors.

“Prince Charming?” Asked Weasley with a smug smile. Draco rolled his eyes.

“Ignore her, weasel. There is no prince.” But Blaise also had said something at the same time as he did.

“She is talking about Nott!”

Potter turned to look at them, frowning. Draco sighed.

“The prat’s lips kissed you and you woke up; I don’t have proof, neither do I have doubts.” He could punch her, she was so annoying when she got like this.

“For the millionth time: <cite> he didn’t do anything, it was just a coincidence</cite>” Then he glared at her. “And stop talking about it, you are going to get him in trouble.” And then it was Blaise’s turn.

“My my, Dragon! Look at you, all worried about the prat.” Draco groaned.

He turn to look at the Gryffindors. Granger was looking at him in a curious way, while Weasley looked thrilled... The only one who was looking like this were the worst news ever was Potter. To be fair, <cite> there wasn’t any news</cite>, Pansy was just being a bitch. Draco was pretty sure that the girl would actually punch him if he kissed Theo... It was clearly just a joke.

Potter looked at Weasley, and pulled a face of disgust as the redhead took out a notebook and a pencil. Draco raised an eyebrow.

“What are you writing?” He asked.

“Private stuff, ferret.” The blond boy rolled his eyes.

“Then maybe write them privately, weasel.”

[rlkalahari17]

Spring

Psycho Pass Fanfiction

Pairing : Kougami Shinya/ Tsunemori Akane

Rating : T

The narrative took place in post canon world of Psycho Pass, while the story took place in post canon plot of Psycho Pass First Inspector, please enjoy if you have time to read.

Chapter 1: Stay

Spring, as far as I could remember, the season itself became an important time for my mother; every single of her story begins on the fateful rainy day she met him, my father. Times pasts along with a row of mountainous challenges, she told me, every time by his side, she had never known fear, she only knows the perfect place to restore her puzzles, and his scent was a perfect balance and her calming treatment.

But it was also Spring, when my mother told me, that it was the time his letter reached her, and he was gone, she’s sure she’ll never see or nuzzle in his aroma again as her cases continues on and on like an endless walk of race. The Long Walk, at that she understands why that book became his favorite, no his life. She walked on the same path, before she knew it, and many people saw her eyes full of nothing but determination, something that my uncle noticed there was another mix there. But she knew her feelings very well, than others, she isn’t mourning, instead she’s becoming what her admired man always told, a strong and mesmerizing detective.

Then another Spring came, as she fled to an unknown part of the world, her words were shaky as she draws the story with her narration, the outside world is in pain, and she couldn’t bear to watch, telling me she’s a monster who’s not frustrated at the limb of a killed mother in her windows with her dying child in her hands. And those who barely eats, and corpses at the side of the street like it was common trashes which spreads everywhere, she couldn’t make out any faces of happiness, like she always curved every time her meals served in her favorite café. I gave my mouth to tell her, but then she started earlier, as she said that her admired man had never said she was a monster, instead she always has a determination to help, but it wasn’t mean as a hero, she did it in her own way, and that man was also attracted to that. He’s convinced even more, when more double strikes on him, as well as her courage to go against everything that doesn’t go according to the law, and she believed in it, it’s not idealistic, but it’s a faith.

Endless of Spring Rain, and her knees fell to the ground, she didn’t feel anything at all, at that time she had come to an understanding, she didn’t regret what she had done, and her hands holding to her chest, as she filled every inch of her heart, stronger than any feels she had ever experienced in her whole life. At that time, she finally found something, precious even more than her life, as she believes she could save so many people, she could save her friends, she could save her family, and she could save him. What she found was a track of the true society’s crime, and it lies beneath the ground, a place which become a giant cerebral network, and which the one itself that the society relies the law on, the System. And on that same beautiful day, she was untitled, as if she was just another folder of files long forgotten but kept in secret inside of a bunker, to shut itself, before being read by others, bars which kept her inside and far, but close on each of their eyes. She told me, only one thing that they didn’t know, that he believes in her, as he ran outside, in exchange of her place to resolve everything, until one day she could be proud sentencing it one day on her own feet.

When Sakura fell alone in another year of blooming Spring, she didn’t know what had urged her to take her steps quicker than usual, she wasn’t running, but it’s like a tap rhythm, quick enough, as if it was a gravitational pull, it’s not like she’s very relieved she was dismissed from her prison, instead she thought of facing them, but her sincerity to serve the law to people, and demonstrates justice is still strong. The doors felt like opening in a very slow pace, as if her birthday present wrapped in ribbon, at that time she had just remembered that was her birthday, she became grey as she thought it’ll be a lonely party, until she took a step outside, and gaze her head up, that was another feeling she had never expected to ever come in her life, telling me that she could cry any moment that day, but standing there, with his whole frame, his close presence, and she believed in her words once more when she had her last time call, he’s a very ordinary person, and all ever she could think when she saw him again. It is pulling her, but all she ever wanted to express whenever she saw him near, it was, “Welcome Home”.

That day was indeed April 1st and still having to confirm it, she thought he was a holo, as if he was a Fool’s Prank. He chuckled, and she was really annoyed with that, telling me, he’s the worst person to ever read her like a book. Never been telling me, but they did visit a nice small shop, at the boundaries of the city, she remembers her favorite aroma, telling me that she still orders or visits there often, a cheap restaurant, with varieties of Beef Meals, they weren’t fancy like any other restaurants, but the man did think the best place to serve her bored prison tongue. Telling her favorite toppings of each stray of the noodle, the warm and spicy miso had a nice curry taste on it, the best ramen she had ever devoured, telling me taking three bowls until it made the man felt broke. I gave her my laughter, she smiled, as she recalled his appetite was gone so he could only order one snap of big beef burger and request on eggs topping because he had his salary just yet that month.

Her gaze falling outside as she sipped her blend of fresh tropical, it’s like she follows the falling spring cherry blossoms. She sat at the table, as he organized the bill, paying on every single of their bites with his dimes. She said his words slipped when he suddenly put a paper on their table, those were another case’s files which were analyzed by the SAD at that time, even he told her in a cold tone as he sipped his own coke with an expressionless gaze, but his relaxed sharp features told her that he’s taking his time and having no worries on anything. Letting her know that these cases might be useful for her to warm up her detective instincts, of course she wouldn’t decline, and it’s her job. All the past cases, the Bifrost, Foxes, and Congressmen, it was all written there, she had known and take it easy to play the latter’s game. He laughed at all the unbelievable guesses she quickly gave, they didn’t really point directly to the culprits, just the greatest motives of each cases. It was all flowing easily, until she fell on the last piece of paper.

It’s written just today, the first fall of cherry blossoms in spring, it’s a free form of Enforcer’s living pavement, and she almost forgot to write down her confirmations once she received the file in her computer and printed it in her correction cell. Telling me that auntie is going to nag like rapping music in her head, and it did happen, but it was because of a different thing. The reason is when a slipping of a special instruction given to her, when the latter slipped it to her, another piece of important paper. To be honest, she’s actually confused why did she had to write it on paper, while she could just sent it digitally, then that other paper became the answer.

It has a nice aroma of mint and cherry blossom, a cold spring she thought, by the mixing scent she opened the enveloped message, reading to her heart’s content once she hold it with her two palms. Her eyes were enough of all the explanation, that’s what my mom told me, she’s still holding it, she didn’t know how it felt, but indeed it was an injustice. She get all of these rights, ordered to be free, and live all her life she wanted, when other people didn’t, when the man in front of her didn’t. His gaze was darken of course, she wasn’t the only one who’s furious, but it wasn’t about his psycho pass or anything about his hidden statutory, but she was pressured by these people, that he had yet known for sure.

She held her hands down on her thighs; they played her at best, gripping her brown trousers, as if clawing it suppressing her anger. His gaze at her was enough to make my mother noticed, then she held her head high up, and sentenced these words to him, “I didn’t need special arrangement of rights, trying to swept me away in an easy going life, I’m just going to live a life of a responsible had always been, believe in the law.” After that, she told me, when she looked at him, his gaze was sharp, telling me as if she was trapped there, telling me his eyes are steady blue, sky is the reflection of his, and she had the feeling of uneasiness, but she didn’t want to escape, instead she wanted to face him in a way closer. Then he cracked his voice open, made her jump a little from the silent moment between them.

“Be proud of every choice you make, your path has always been right,” she told me, that was his warmest or the correct adjective is the most sincere curve on his face she had ever took attention to, it only curled up another inside of her, she eventually replied his with hers, or even her best one after so long. Those letter words were not farewell, but another welcome, and she will be very glad and obliged if he allowed her to say those words that day.

“Then take a look at this before I prepared the car, wait here, I’ll pick you up,” He stood as he went away taking steps further to the parking lot, she told me that the view really dirtied her mind a lot ever since she got to finally had time focusing in his build for every millisecond of time, I told her not to tell any further than that. But then one thing she ever liked from his features were his eyes, they were most honest and easily to be read, and he had yet to realize that. Because she read them, as he walked away as well, something about him was being unsteady or alerted, something obviously annoyed him at the time. Knowing this my mom told me that she opened the file he gave to her and opened each pages of it, as she rested her chin on her palms. Confused and thinking if this’ll be a great mission she’ll face in the future as an enforcer, but with this collaboration.

She was surprised by the sound of a wheel screeching on the street, the black metallic plates reflected the sun lights, giving her a blind spot, as he opened a door for her, and she stood, walking pasts some dinner tables and accepting his help to take her seat in the car. He closed the door, telling me if he’s surprisingly a gentleman that day, but she shrugs it off as if it was a normal routine he had done, it’s his nature, when I obviously doubted it, it was a very sincere feeling instead. The road was a difficult silent, as she took a long time to think, she had scanned the whole documents as if getting big pieces, which leads to a very dangerous end of destination. Anything about it was enough, but she knows for sure, it was the chasing down of Peacebreaker, and the Ministry of Foreign Affairs SAD was proposing a collaboration of Investigation Works with Ministry of Welfare and Health PSB, and hardly to believe the one who approves the proposal in the name of PSB was Homura Shizuka, the person who she had known to work with once she was in prison, a dangerous man she had talk to once, and she didn’t want to tell anything to the latter who sat on his driving seat at the time.

“This is going to be my first long case once becoming an enforcer.” She throws it as a joke, even though the latter didn’t glance at all, as he stiffens his shoulders at the time, she described that, his fingers kind of wrinkled on the steering wheel, this made him itching, and she knew what was that, as she gazes back to the city and the concrete streets, and keeping her curving amused smile on her face.

“You can smoke, it’s okay, I’d love to scent it after a long time,” He couldn’t help but gave a defeated sigh, as a pull of his side lips went up, as he stroked his jacket’s pouch and he grabbed his favorite brand, as well my mom’s taking a happy scent to, the Spinel gave a warm nostalgic feeling, she relaxed on her seat, another part of him that finally came in complete whenever he’s close to her.

“You took a breath on it a lot, just trying not to give you any further damage of health,” being considerate had always been the latter’s character, she’s obviously embarrassed at the thought he had known her bad habits, but she kept a defeated face, because just like him, she couldn’t help but to grab a stick out of it.  She mutters her gratitude, enough to make him not to worry, it was burnt for a long time, and both of them didn’t mutter any single words, as anything of the silence was enough of a comfort to save how lost they were. She’s enjoying each second, but it wasn’t wasted, it’s a gift, memorizing each of what they do that day, but another itching curiousity crept her in as she still stared down at the piled up important future matters paper on her lap.

“Have you thought another troublesome problem than that?” his questions cracked the silence, her gaze stared at him blankly, winking of one and two, as if a questioned look and confusion, but she did feel that she had just forgotten something, she told me that she squealed almost giving a hilarious little jump of the man once she remembered her forgotten task, the new living quarter’s location and personal home territorial data. She then started to look around for the paper everywhere, but then she was a little panicked in her voice and still keeping her straight serious gaze, then she made lots of noises and muttering “Where is it?”, when she finally said those words, he suddenly gave her the paper in front of her face, he put down his hands as he switched the wheel into auto-drive, at that time she had just skipped a heartbeat and telling me the worst she had ever felt in her whole life.

“Have you decided where to stay?” That was what he asked, a question she’ll never forgotten in her whole entire life until now. She then gave herself a gaze back down, as if she tried to imagine the dorms of enforcer there, and starts to think she would like to stay in the latter’s former quarter, and having a nice memory of their early days there.

“I don’t know but I think I’m going to stay at yo—“

“Stay in my flat, I have spare of futon and blankets,” it was a silent or a shocking one, none of them were barely moving or even breathing any words. It was all kept inside, and my mom could only look at him in all confusion, frustration, questions but most of all uneasiness. And she couldn’t help but opened her words.

“How am I doing that?” he’s giving a hard look when he gazes down, and his gaze is low but still sharp, realizing she chose the wrong choice of words, as if questioning his boundaries on her, she never meant that, hoping he didn’t get it wrong, she’s just very confused, until he broke and intrude her thoughts.

“Didn’t you read? It was written there, in this corporation, any enforcers could be supervises and ordered by both Investigation Department of each Ministries, cooperating hand in hand to keep each other from any equivalent of fatal dangers, enforcers may work or stayed on different ministries for more effective accesses in future investigations, some enforcers might be moved or kept in some positions of each ministries according to what had the superiors and supervisors of ministries’ decisions, this regulation system was applied as long as the case of Peacebreaker’s Remnants are investigated.”

My mom stared at him, her face is still straight but her brown orbs were glimmering and shaky, her face is still straight and unwavering, but these words were enough to shock her, as she knew the boundaries of enforcers very well, it was like the feeling when suddenly you received an expand of rights, even though the society had cast you out. But of course those reasons were only to distract her, when the right stung in her heart was his undirected words at her. And yet she had the urge of wanting to hear it more from him.

“I’m your superior, and I ask you to stay with me, you know now, I’m the one who’s equal to an inspector status here.” He gazed at her, another sincere smile on his face, she didn’t tell me about her reaction, but I believe it was a complicated mixture of expressions she made, but one thing for sure, I can see that she couldn’t help but to smile every content of her heart and returning it.

And that day, in the most unbelievable Spring and Birthday in her whole life, my mother finally reunites and since then she continues their unfinished chapter together, and she was even more happy to finally utter these words in her chest, “You’ll never walk alone,” to my father.

A/N : It’s my first time writing, and I hope I got lots of advice from fellow readers, thank you so much for reading this in your spare time, I’m so excited :), and I’m working on the last chapter of this fic, so there are 6 chapters that will be updated soon, thank you for reading this in your spare time!

[hamliet]

Messy, Perfect Redemption: Dazai

My least favorite trope in fiction is probably redemption via death. It just seldom works for the best possible story and more often than not comes across as an author wanting to take the easy way out with having now made the audience like the character, but not having to deal with the repercussions with their relationships with other characters and actual work of changing. Which honestly is also fair. Writing is hard.

But one of the things I love about Bungou Stray Dogs is how the entire story is basically Dazai’s redemption arc in all its disastrous messy glory. Redemption is hard, becoming a better person is exhausting and it doesn’t happen overnight. Despite an often cavalier attitude towards everyone around him, Dazai never loses sight of Odasaku’s last words to him.

"Listen. You told me that you might find a reason to live if you lived in a world of violence and bloodshed. You won't find it. You must know that already. Whether you're on the side who kills people or the side who saves people, nothing beyond what you would expect will appear. Nothing in this world can fill that lonely hole you have. You will wander the darkness for eternity. (...) Be on the side that saves people. If both sides are the same, become a good man. Save the weak, and protect the orphans. Neither good nor evil means much to you, I know... but that'd make you at least a little bit better. (...) Of course I know. I know better than anyone. Because... I am your friend."

Leaving the mafia and deciding to save people from now on is a good step, but it’s a process, as we see. It’s choosing every day to save orphans, to protect the weak, and even after making the overall choice to become a better man, there are still plenty of struggles along the way. It’s what makes Dazai such a compelling, powerful and ultimately hopeful character for me.

I know Atsushi is often seen as representing Dazai’s second chance after Akutagawa, his redemption in a sense, and that’s not wrong at all. Atsushi is definitely a major, even the main, part of it, but in my opinion it’s not the whole of it. Dazai’s mentoring of Atsushi is a double-edged sword: on the one hand, it absolutely is a part of his redemption. He’s genuinely trying to do his best with Atsushi, and I do think he cares for him--clearly, he cares enough to let himself be captured by the mafia, even.

On the other hand, ignoring a kid you hurt for a kid you didn't is not redemption in and of itself when you could still do something about it. It’s not like Akutagawa has given up on Dazai in any way; he’s pretty desperate for Dazai’s acknowledgement even now.

If saving one requires you to abandon the other, are you really a better person for it ? Like, if you wanna save orphans, you kinda have to include the one who's literally begging you to save him and who is only in this bad place because of you.

If joining the agency would have redeemed Dazai, we wouldn’t have a story, though again I’m not minimizing the importance of this or the resonance of Dazai’s mentoring of Atsushi. But in joining the agency, Dazai left someone behind--more than one someones, actually. Dazai’s redemption is a process that will require him to face the harm he caused in the mafia and as much as possible, fix it. And he can’t fully redeem himself until he integrates with his shadow. Unlike Atsushi whose shadow is directly personified in Akutagawa, though, Dazai’s is in several other people (we could also consider Odasaku and Atsushi part of the anima), including Akutagawa, Chuuya, Dostoyevsky, and Mori.

Even the next time Dazai saves an orphan (Kyouka), we find out that a lot of the cruel ways Akutagawa trained her came from how Dazai trained him.

It’s a consequence coming back to Dazai that his mentee decides to save a child trapped in the mafia whom everyone wants to give up on, a child whose been through the same training he forced Akutagawa into (which I should remind you includes a canonical mock execution). The difficulties of saving Kyouka are probably exactly why Dazai took so long to make baby steps towards Akutagawa. But to his credit, while he’s not exactly compassionate with Kyouka while she’s imprisoned, Dazai does save her. If mentoring a kid on the verge of turning into a criminal is the first step to reconciling with his mafia self, then Dazai’s helping save Kyouka is the next one.

However, he doesn’t fully understand the cruelties of he did to Akutagawa, as shown in how he mocks him after his capture by repeating Akutagawa’s worst fears to him:

I know Dazai’s playing a long game with setting up Atsushi and Akutagawa’s partnership in shin soukoku, but the ends don’t always justify the means and that’s a lesson often shown to us in BSD (it’s in part the reason Dazai left the mafia; he couldn’t buy that Oda’s death was justifiable because it got rid of Mimic and got the Port Mafia their black ticket). This type of triggering really isn’t okay. Like I said here, Dazai is in part the cause of Atsushi and Akutagawa’s struggles to get along, and he should be part of reconciling that schism as well.

I know while some people are annoyed that fans call a person two years older than someone else their father figure, but the manga itself draws this comparison and codes Dazai/Atsushi and Dazai/Akutaqawa as a mentor/mentee relationship which is 99% of the time coded as parental in literature (and it definitely is here). Akutagawa literally draws the comparison himself between his relationship with Dazai and Atsushi’s with his abusive orphanage headmaster. Yes, Akutagawa’s making some logical jumps here (refusing to acknowledge that Dazai is just as much Atsushi’s mentor as his), but the manga wants us to make this comparison.

As Atsushi wasn’t able to reconcile his frustration and hurt towards the orphanage headmaster, he’ll probably do so through Akutagawa and through Dazai, because Atsushi’s view of Dazai is basically that he’s already redeemed and fantastic and justified in his choices--again, I know Atsushi complains about his irresponsibility sometimes, but it’s mostly played as a joke and isn’t a serious critique of just how he treated Akutagawa, despite Atsushi hating Akutagawa for how he treated Kyouka (take that train of thought a little further, Atsushi).

But onto Dazai’s other relationships. It’s telling that Dazai is at his most unrestrained and violent in the mafia when he partners with Chuuya, who despite being very restrained thanks to him being capable of uninhibited destruction that would lead to his own death without said restraint, knows who Dazai is and what he’s capable of from the very beginning (he’s so much as seen Dazai murder the orphans who comprise the Sheep even after promising Chuuya he wouldn't). Kunikida is Chuuya’s foil in that he works most closely with Dazai in the agency and is perpetually ready to strangle him, but Kunikida is also incredibly principled and restrained--yet he is significantly the only member of the agency who, prior to the Guild Arc, did not know Dazai used to be in the mafia.

Kunikida’s ideals including saving everyone if possible. Both Chuuya and Kunikida represent these two extremes of what Dazai is capable of--and yet notably both of them care about saving children and are in many ways more compassionate people than Dazai.

The one time we see Chuuya talk about killing a kid is with Q, who notably is introduced to us as another child with the soukoku partnership team-up.

Q, a child with half-dark hair and half-white hair (gee I wonder what that symbolizes) is a child made to curse the world and hate ever being born. Chuuya and Dazai team up to save him but contemplate killing him.

Dazai’s choice not to kill Q is stated to be to save himself, which is probably is, but it’s also symbolic of how Dazai’s saving other people is saving himself (and also ties back to another quote Odasaku liked to repeat from Natsume: “everyone exists to save themselves”).

But Chuuya’s motivation, as I wrote before, is because he’s grieved over the loss of his comrades. Chuuya really cares about people, including Dazai, and the fact that Dazai is actually going to far as to model Atsushi and Akutagawa’s team-up on his team-up with Chuuya pretty strongly implies Dazai doesn’t hate Chuuya as much as he says he does. To be able to truly leave the mafia, he has to make peace with those relationships there. It’s part of being honest with himself: like Atsushi, acknowledging the darker shadows, and like Akutagawa, acknowledging the better parts of him too.

At present, Dostoyevsky proves a perfect foil for Dazai, as @linkspooky has written here. They’re the same in a lot of ways, but Dostoyevsky has allowed nihilism and a god complex to completely consume him and is not trying to be human, whereas Dazai still tries to save people and was devastated by Oda’s death. Dostoyevsky’s ability, whatever it was, works by touching someone like Dazai’s, but since Dazai’s No Longer Human negates another’s abilities, Dazai is the only person on which Fyodor’s ability will not work, making them the perfect counters for each other.  Dostoyevsky is what Dazai could be if his feelings of alienation from human society (a prominent theme in the real life Dostoyevsky’s works) were taken to their utmost extreme, and so it’d be fitting for him to ultimately defeat Fyodor through the relationships he does have (including Atsushi and Akutagawa). 

To return to Odasaku, Odasaku is also kind of a warning to Dazai as much as he is a man Dazai wants to become like. When Odasaku lost the orphans under his care, he fell into complete despair and knowingly embarked on a suicide mission to do what Mori wanted him to. Still, Dazai tried to save him. He wasn’t able to save his life, but Odasaku’s death saved Dazai. Yet it’s potentially concerning that Mori used Odasaku’s human connections to engineer his downfall, and I wouldn’t be surprised if Mori uses Dazai’s to try to engineer his downfall later on (like, way, way on).

The difference is that Dazai is a good foil to Mori, too, in understanding what makes people tick and always thinking several moves ahead. Mori groomed Dazai from the age of like fourteen (or younger) to be his successor in the mafia, manipulating his suicidal tendencies and hopelessness to get what Mori wanted from him. It’s telling that the earliest we have of Dazai is him with Mori, in that Mori instead of caring for a suicidal patient decided to take him along to murder the mafia’s boss and induct him into the mafia thereby. The thing about Jungian stories is that there are often some Oedipal tendencies to them--like, for example, a character needs to overcome/break away from completely/kill their father.  I can see Dazai at some point having to overcome Mori and his influence to cement his arc, but that’s highly speculative (yet fits with Mori’s build up as a villain), so we’ll see.

[xiolaperry]

The Piano - Chapter 10

Summary: Belle French and her daughter arrive in New Zealand to an arranged marriage with Gaston LeGume.  Gaston shows little interest in her or her piano and books. However, Mr. Gold is fascinated… (Rumbelling of the 1993 film “The Piano”)

Rating: E for smut, dark subject matter and violence. 

Special Note: There is a forced kiss in this chapter, please do not read if this sort if thing upsets you.

Also available on AO3

---

“I lied to you earlier.”

Belle stopped tracing patterns on his back. He rolled over and sat up, leaning against the headboard. Patting the spot next to him, he showed he wanted her close.

“I implied there wasn't anything of yours here. But there is.”

He reached under his pillow and pulled out a small green cloth-bound book. It was “Aesop's Fables,” from her childhood.

“Another lie - no, exaggeration. I can read, just not very well.”

He opened it and traced her name written inside.

“You wrote your name in this one. Belle French. The rest had printed bookplates, this one was in your handwriting.”

He looked up from the book to assure himself that he had her full attention.

“Names are important. They have power. I wanted to have yours, this piece of you, here with me. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have kept it.”

She kissed the side of his neck, forgiving.

“Labhrainn. My name. You are the first in all of New Zealand to hear it. I trust you to keep it to yourself.”

She mouthed the name, enjoying the feel of the syllables on her lips. Labhrainn. Unusual, but it suited him to have an uncommon name.

Her wry smile made her thoughts clear to him. “Don't tease, now. I didn't choose to be saddled with it.”

She squeezed his hand. Sharing a secret was a unique form of intimacy, and she was glad he'd given her one.

Gold snapped the book shut. Belle got up and collected her clothes. He wished their morning together would never end. “You're leaving.”

Her only response was to hold out her wrist so he could help with the buttons on her sleeves. Gold's shirt hung open, his buttons still scattered about the room.

Concerned with how much time had passed, Belle hurried to finish getting dressed. She had lost a few buttons of her own. As she reached to pick up the one she spied on the floor, she knocked it down a knot-hole in the floorboard.

“I need to know. What will you do?”

Belle tidied her hair in the mirror.

“Does this mean something to you?” This woman had changed him. He didn't recognize himself with all this talk of feelings and emotions. She was like a drug, putting him in an altered state. The words just kept coming.

“I already miss you, Belle.” Standing, he reached around her waist and breathed in the scent of her neck. “I'm a difficult man to love. But do you love me?”

Belle stopped fussing with her hair and looked at herself in the mirror. Her face had not changed, but everything was different. What had transpired between them was overwhelming, but she had to get back to Tilly. There was a lot to process, choices to make. It wouldn't do to be impulsive and come to a rash decision after the morning of mind-blowing sex. Not wanting him to doubt that she cared for him, she turned, pulling his shirt further apart to kiss him on his chest over his heart.

Gold was confused. Was this an answer? He studied her face. “Come tomorrow,” he told her with urgency in his voice. “If the answer is yes, that you want us to be together, come tomorrow.”

She put the book on the table next to the chipped cup and left before he could tempt her to stay.

---

That morning, Gaston had decided to work in the barn instead of going straight out to the new property. When Tilly’s shouts reached his ears, he'd returned to the house in time to see Belle leave and an angry Tilly stomp away. Belle didn't even notice his pursuit in her rush.

He crept up to the cottage, a hunter stalking his prey. From the bottom of the porch steps, he could almost make out Gold's quiet murmurings. When the slapping and scuffling noises began he advanced to the window without making a sound. He saw Gold and his wife in a passionate embrace. He reeled, dropping to the porch, his back sagging against the wall. The muted sighs, moans, and breathless sounds of pleasure paralyzed him.

Anger and curiosity trapped Gaston between them. Curiosity won. He looked again. Gold was on his knees under the cage of her hoops. Belle ripped at her clothing, yanking off her corset. He grimaced at the sound of fabric tearing.

Gaston continued to play the voyeur. With Belle's eyes closed, swaying like she might fall over, she'd never notice him. Gold was intent at his task between her legs, licking and kissing. Then he stopped, and Gaston darted back. He heard Gold tell Belle she was delicious. He knew men sometimes did this sort of thing, they told bawdy jokes and stories about it. But the idea of kneeling before a woman, worshipful, did not appeal. Although Belle was enjoying herself, if the loud panting was any sign. He peeked again, and yes, Gold had returned to his ministrations. Did he enjoy doing that?

After Belle had tensed like she'd been struck by lightning, she helped Gold to his feet, then ripped his pants off. He hadn't realized she was such a wanton. Gold's stiff cock answered his question, he'd obviously enjoyed the time spent on his knees. He observed that the man was well endowed, then chided himself for even noticing such a thing.

Realization that he was in a vulnerable position came to him. Granny or those Maori could show up at any moment, and he didn't want to be caught spying. Besides, they'd moved to the bed, which he couldn't see without sticking his head in the window. They'd notice that.

A black cat butted against his hand, looking for affection. Irritated, he swiped at it, causing it to run off hissing under the house. There was just enough room for him to follow. And a knothole in the floorboard to make it easier for him to eavesdrop. The panting and moaning were endless. How long did this act take?

A period of relative silence followed. Gold spoke some nonsense about books and names. It was difficult to pay attention; he was getting uncomfortable, and he was certain a spider was walking across his hand. A button dropped through a knothole nearby. At last, Gold asked something important.

“What will you do?”

After Belle left, Gaston did not go straight home. He needed time to think. What would Belle do? Her actions tomorrow would answer the question. Maybe this was to be a single occurrence, to show her gratitude for the return of the piano. For now, no one else knew. That was the most important thing. People would mock and laugh if they found out. The secret must be kept. As long as she didn't go back, everything would be fine.

---

That night, Belle was giddy. How did couples get anything done when there was such fun to be had? Her first lover ought to be ashamed of himself. He had either known nothing about a woman's body or just didn't care.

Trying to calm down, she asked Tilly to read her favorite book aloud. She saw Mr. Gold's – no, Labhrainn's – expressive face on the prince, herself on the princess. When they got ready for bed, Tilly brushed Belle's hair. Unable to contain her high spirits, she grabbed her and tickled. The two rolled around, laughter ringing through the house.

Pleased with her mother's good humor, Tilly demanded a shadow puppet story. Belle acquiesced. Now the sorcerer was not evil like everyone assumed. He was only lonely, and the princess he'd stolen away fell in love with him. Tilly applauded this romantic development. Belle hoped Tilly’d be as enthusiastic about her mother’s romance after she’d had time to process it.

In the next room, Gaston paged through a book on botany, eyes not seeing the pages. His jaw clenched, and his neck was stiff. When he could no longer take the sounds of happiness that assaulted his ears, he took his axe and went outside to chop wood until the window of the bedroom darkened.

Long after Tilly fell asleep, Belle replayed the morning's events. She wondered if Mr. Gold would enjoy her mouth on him to completion. The next day could not come fast enough.

After breakfast, Gaston announced he was continuing his task of building a fence on his new acreage. As soon as he was out of sight, she instructed an irritated Tilly how to spend her morning. She was upset about being left behind again, but they didn't have as much of a confrontation as yesterday. She had to teach her boundaries. It would be difficult for Tilly to understand, but she was a bright and loving child. Given time, she'd realize Mr. Gold hadn't stolen her place in her heart, he'd expanded it and there was more than enough room for them both.

She hurried along the path. Brimming with happiness, she wondered what he would do when he saw that she had come back to him. There was much to discuss, which would be difficult, considering he didn’t sign and had a hard time with reading. But sometimes she felt as though he heard her in his head. He would understand that she wanted to be with him, wanted the three of them to be a family. She and Tilly could teach him sign language and help him with his reading.

As she raced past a grouping of trees at the edge of Gaston's property, the man himself stepped directly in front of her. Shocked, Belle stopped short and almost tripped. Gaston's face was blank, his eyes empty. She decided in an instant to keep walking, acting like nothing was amiss. But he followed her, grabbing her arm and wrenching her back to him. He did not speak. Pulling her hair, he kissed her hard, bruising her lips. There was no affection, only dominance, a show of power.

Belle’s heartbeat roared in her ears. She kept her mouth clenched shut and did not fight back. Her jaw ached from the effort. When he stopped to breathe, she shoved him with all her strength and ran away. Gaston was faster. He caught her, and she clung to a stout tree branch, kicking at him as he pulled. The rough bark dug into her hands.

“Maaammmaaa!” she heard Tilly call from a distance. She was coming up the path. Relief at Tilly's disobedience brought tears to her eyes. “Mama, Aunt Cora is looking for you!” At the sound of her voice, Gaston froze. Belle gathered her composure; Tilly must not see them like this. Gaston took her arm and marched her back to the house.

“There you are,” said Cora as they came into view. Her sharp eyes noted Belle's pale face and Gaston's grim mouth. “We were just stopping to thank you for allowing Tilly to be a part of our little play. And, I know Gaston would appreciate having an enjoyable meal for a change, so we wanted to invite you to dinner for Christmas.”

“Thank you Aunt, we will attend. However, we are very busy. Don't let us keep you.” He walked straight past her to the woodpile and cut lengths of board. His axe hit the mark each time despite his speed and wood split with a crack.

“Well, I never saw such rudeness.” Cora stalked off to where Regina was waiting with the horses when it became apparent Gaston was ignoring her.

The rest of the day Belle lay on the bed. When Gaston started hammering planks over the windows she covered her ears, the sound of the nails in the wood like clods of earth falling on a coffin. He finished his work with a wooden bolt on the front door, enabling him to lock it from the outside. That would keep her home. She would not go back to Gold.

Tilly sat next to her mother. “You shouldn't have gone to Mr. Gold's house again after he returned the piano and books. I don't like it, and neither does Papa.” Why did Mama want to spend time with him without her? Mr. Gold was nice, and she liked his cat, but it wasn't worth getting into trouble. Calling Gaston 'Papa' was the best way her child's mind could conceive of how to get back at her for causing this upheaval. Belle ignored the ploy and closed her eyes.

[bubblegumholland]

I Fell in Love with the Devil (KOH! Tom Holland X Reader) 3/3

Y/N woke the next morning to the feeling of the bed shifting next to her. Her e/c eyes fluttered open to be faced by Satan’s Tom’s black iris’. 

“You watching me sleep?” she teased, pulling the blanket over her bare bosom. His devilishly handsome smirk didn’t falter, “Just admiring the view, love.”

She laughed breathlessly, “So that was... something.” His smirk widened, “Have a Hell of a good time?” She burst into full laughter, “Did you seriously just-?” but she stopped short.

He froze to observe her face, “I love you,” he gently stated. 

She stared at him for a moment before looking away. Y/N cleared her throat before climbing out of bed to find clothes. She changed the topic, “Wanna go for a walk?” Tom ignored the pang in his chest. “Uh, yeah...” 

____

A couple of weeks passed since Tom declared his feelings for his wife. She continued to pretend it never happened. His demeanor turned cold and he began to ignore the profession as well. If she didn’t care, maybe he shouldn’t either. But when did pretending you didn’t have feelings ever work?

Y/N felt bad after realizing Tom was distancing himself from her. But his proclamation of love was surprising, and she couldn’t shake that he was Satan, he lied all the time. Sure, she did feel something for him, but she wasn’t about to say she loved him. He started coming to bed late and getting up early, in an attempt to avoid her no doubt. He didn’t hold her as she slept anymore. Which was fine...

One day felt different than others, he came into the library, her favorite place in Hell, to drop something she wasn’t expecting. 

“We’re done here.” 

Her mouth gaped, “What?” He straightened up, “You’re done here.”

“Here? Like Hell?” 

Tom’s eyes rolled, “Yes, your new home is much..holier.” Did he mean...? A bright light overcame Y/N and in a flash, she was gone.

______

Tom’s day went from bad to terrible in a matter of minutes. He was off in Purgatory doing deals and “welcoming” subjects when a white shimmering light appeared. A pretty man with sandy hair and blue eyes stood before him. The Angel’s pure white wings spear at attention. 

“Hello, Satan.” The handsome blonde greeted. 

“God,” Tom replied. “What brings you here?” questioned the devil. 

God smiled gently, “Is that any way to greet an old friend? I heard about a deal you made with a mortal by the name of Y/N L/N.”

Tom’s stature stiffened, “What of it?”

God chuckled, “Well, I know what she did and why, and  I can’t let her rot in Hell with you.”

Satan moved to object but was cut off, “I’m here to save her Lucifer.”

Tom almost flinched at his given name. 

“I’m taking her to Heaven with me to continue her eternal journey where she belongs.” 

The black-eyed man’s fists clenched, “You can’t break one of my deals.”

The blue-eyed man smirked, “I can if I grace her with wings.” 

Tom was dumbfounded, “You’re gonna make her an angel?”

God nodded, “And no, you can’t do anything about it.” 

Before the Devil could argue with him, he left as suddenly as he arrived.

____

Y/N was getting really sick of being knocked out and waking up in strange places. This place could be the definition of the opposite of Hell. Unlike the last two realms she woke up in, she immediately knew where she was. Heaven. What she couldn’t figure out, was “why?” 

“Welcome, my Angel.” An incredibly gorgeous man spoke. Y/N felt her cheeks flush but ignored the red blemishes. 

“Why am I here?” she asked.

“I couldn’t stand by knowing a good woman was a slave to Lucifer.”

“But, I don’t want to be here” for a moment she couldn’t believe she had just told the Angel she didn’t want to be in Heaven. “I-I mean, I was happy with Tom.”

His blonde eyebrow raised, “Tom?” She blushed.

“Yeah, I didn’t like calling him Satan, it felt weird.”

“Is that not a red light?” He reprehended

She rolled her eyes, “I don’t care. I made a deal with him, and I don’t regret it. Even on bad days.” 

God smiled, “And now you never will if my words don’t persuade you perhaps your wings will.”

Her what now? Her e/c eyes widened and she turned her head to glance over her shoulder. Her once blank shoulder blades now were covered by folded wings, her wings. 

“What did you do to me?” She cried, slowly spreading the 6-foot-span feathers.

“I saved you from Lucifer, I didn’t want you to face something for horrifying just for saving your sister.”

“How do you know that? And what business do you have making me an angel?” 

He chuckled, “I think as God I have a business doing anything I want.”

Y/N couldn’t fathom that she just sat there and argued with God for five minutes. 

“Let me show you your new home.”

____

Heaven was amazing as expected. Y/N could see her sister whenever she wanted, although S/N couldn’t see her it was nice to see her healthy for a change. But she couldn’t shake the feeling that something or someone was missing. God reminded her that she was just adjusting, telling her she wasn’t actually feeling what she thought she was. He claimed she was developing Stockholm syndrome. But the feeling never subsided. Months went by and Y/N found herself forgetting everything about the handsome devil until she couldn’t remember his name. Eventually she didn’t remember anything about him, but the nagging feeling in the hole of her memory knew something was wrong.

Y/N glided gracefully down the pearly marble floor, approaching the sturdy white doors. She knocked carefully before allowing herself to enter.

“Ah, hello my dear,” God greeted her. His smile was gentle and caring, but felt so fake to the h/c girl. 

“Hello..um... I was wondering about my memory.” She confessed. Y/N swore she saw a dark look briefly glaze over his face, but as soon as she thought it appeared it was gone.

‘Whatever do you mean my dear?” He questioned.

“I’m missing memories, I can feel the blank spaces and... I feel like something important is missing.”

“My dear, you’re being delusional-”

“I’m not being delusional!” She snapped.

God looked genuinely taken aback, “oh?”

She stared at the handsome man, “There is something different about me, I’m not like the other angels, they never would’ve spoken to you like that! The angel to defy you was-” That was it. “Lucifer...” she whispered.

The giant door slammed shut behind her with a sudden gust of wind. 

“Do not speak that name here!” God shouted.

Y/N raised her gaze from the floor to meet his angry blue eyes. 

She swore she had seen the fire in his eyes before, and the name that triggered him was familiar also. 

“Who am I?” She asked.

“You are my angel,” he replied cooling.

“Who am I really?” She challenged.

God scoffed and faced his back to her.

“A stupid harlot to the Lord of Hell.”

Y/N was speechless, such dark words had never fallen from his thin lips, and they were so cold. 

“Why am I here?” She voiced, parts of memories piecing together.

“Lucifer was growing stronger in confidence, when I discovered the reason was some whore, I knew the loss of her would tear him apart.”

“You ripped me from Hell to ruin Satan? That’s insane!” She stepped back.

He spun to face her, “how was it that the bloody devil could find love in a woman destined for heaven?”

“Maybe he wasn’t the twisted one,” she defended. 

He glared at her, “I gave mercy to you. Your crimes were enough for me to dissolve your soul, but your sacrifice was noble to I let you live. My mistake.”

His hand glowed with a ball of energy as he thrust his hand forward, Y/N raised her arms in defense of the impact, that never came. She opened her eyes to see the energy stopping directly in front of her. She quickly shoved her arm towards God and ran for the door as he dodged her blow. she narrowly avoided his next hit as she sprinted down the halls. She was not so fortunate for the next explosive, her large wings embraced the impact. 

“GAH!” She cried out and the force knocked her off her feet, her body hit the floor. Y/N rolled onto her back gasping looking up and God with his arms raised.

“I’m sorry,”  he murmured, she clenched her eyes in anticipation, but once again the pain never came. She slowly opened her eyes when she felt a tear hit her exposed skin. She gazed up at the blonde, his eyes were glassy.

“Just go,” he begged.

“Wha-”

“GO!”

Y/N didn’t need to be told a thrice, she bolted down the corridor with only one last look over her shoulder at the crying man. Biting her lip she dashed down the rest of the steps to the gates of Heaven. Heaven was easy to leave and she knew as soon as she stepped foot out she would never be able to enter again, and she couldn’t care less.

_______

After landing in the land of the living, Y/N wasn’t sure what her next move was. Her wings magically hadn’t disappeared, but the magic blow turned them from a perfect white to an ashy grey. It was the last thing on her mind. She just had to get back to Tom. Tom. That was the name she couldn’t remember, but now she knew that face was something she could never forget. She sacrificed herself to meet him, but that wasn’t an option again. Or was it. 

She walked through the park she used to enjoy as a child with her sister, those memories forever engraved in her mind. She knelt at the riverside planning her next words.

“Hi Tom... It’s been awhile, I know, and I don’t know if you want me anymore. But as soon as I remembered you, I couldn’t get you out of my head. I never thought I’d find myself in Hell and enjoying it, but with you. It wasn’t so bad. Somewhere along the way I fell in love with you, and it made the deal entirely worth it. So if I mean anything to you-”

_____

“If you mean anything to me what?” She opened her eyes to meet his hazels. 

“Tom!” Y/N ran up to him, throwing her arms around his neck.

“Y/N...” he murmured into her hair, holding her equally as close. 

“I love you,” she stated.

His lips widened into the kindest and most sincere smile she had seen in months.

“I love you, my queen, never leave me again.”

“I don’t plan on it.”

His hands gingerly touched her wings, “They’re grey...” He observed.

She glanced over her shoulder consciously, “yeah, color is kinda damaged.”

“It’s okay,” he pecked her lips, “I like them better broken.”

A/N I finally finished this series. I know it took forever and it isn’t amazing but I had a hard time finishing it so once I got it I had it. Hope you all enjoyed and Thank you so much for 300 followers :) Enjoy my aestetic for the chapter

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