#also the people who hate her for “not fighting”

[ccsainzleclerc5516]

You Made A Mess Of Me

Pairing: Lewis Hamilton x reader

Warnings: mentions of sexual activities, angst, but happy ending. I actually love this sm I'm in my Lewis era and I can't stop myself

The penultimate weekend in June meant only one thing, the Spanish GP. You've been thinking for days whether you should go, after all, too much time has passed since the last time.

You knew that your coming there would cause a huge public reaction and that some people might not be happy to see you, but you couldn't resist. Your curiosity was stronger than you and something you could never fight against.

The last time you attended the GP, you were in a slightly different role than you were now, some would say more important role. That was 2 years ago when you were reputed to be the most popular wag in the paddock. Lewis Hamilton's girlfriend. His greatest support and the woman who he dedicated every victory to.

To Lewis, you were the woman he loved more than life, his everything and more. He proudly presented you to everyone, always mentioned you in interviews, saying that you were his strength and motivation for all his success. When you couldn't attend his races, he was always in a hurry to come back to you, holding you like a drop of water in the palm of his hand.

His love for you could not be described in words. You were the "it couple". Lewis made it well known to everyone that you were his. He really was madly in love with you.

You loved him too. He taught you what love means, he taught you how to love, showed you what love really is. You felt safe next to him and you knew that with him you had everything a woman could want. When you cheered him on at the races, you were the loudest, his most faithful cheerleader who experienced every victory and every defeat together with him.

Everything was perfect until one day when Lewis started hinting that he wanted to take your relationship one step further. Given that you were 25 at the time and he was 37, you knew that he was at the age when he wanted a family and children and he let you know that he wanted that with you.

You panicked, inexplicable anxiety gripped you, you weren't ready to "grow up" completely. You loved him very much, but you also loved yourself and that's why you didn't wanna settle for something you weren't ready for.

You felt that you still wanted to develop yourself as a person before marrying someone, you still wanted to travel with your friends, have fun, enjoy life and youth. You knew you didn't want marriage then, but you also didn't want to make Lewis wait for you and suffer in some way. You wanted him to be happy and achieve everything he wanted, even if it wasn't with you.

And so your perfect three-year relationship came to an end. You moved to Spain, disappeared from Lewis's life overnight and he never heard from you again. Despite his best efforts to reach you and find you, he couldn't. You left him completely heartbroken, desperate, lost, he just wasn't the man he used to be. His world has changed since you left his life.

Later, all the pain and hurt he carried inside him turned into immense anger and rage towards you. You even thought he started to hate you. You knew about it because you heard that in one interview he said, when he was asked about y/n, that that name no longer exists for him.

That's why now that you were invited by Tommy Hilfiger as a special guest to the Spanish GP, you doubted whether it was wise to go.

You didn't really care about the public's reaction, but you were a little afraid of Lewis's reaction. You were afraid to see the contempt in his eyes for you. But still, above all, you were a determined, smart and self-confident girl who knew her values ​​and knew what she wanted. And that's why you accepted the invitation.

Everyone's jaws dropped to the floor when you stepped into the paddock wearing black sunglasses in a tight strapless black dress that perfectly accentuated your curves. You caught everyone's eyes.

As well as the eyes of a man who could not forget you.

"Lewis, I don't wanna upset you before the race, but..she's here." Bono said quietly.

"Who is here?" He asked cluelessly with furrowed eyebrows.

"I-I.." Bono stammered.

"Bono, who is here?"

"Y/n..She's in George's garage."

Lewis froze. His heart dropped and legs buckled when Bono said your name. He thought someone was playing a joke on him, so after a minute of standing still without blinking and the initial shock, he had to go see for himself what he heard.

"Lewis, I don't think it's a good idea to-" Bono tried to stop him, but there was no point in trying to do that. Lewis didn't think for a second, he just sprinted towards his teammate's garage, his racing suit half unbuttoned hanging behind him. He had to see you with his own eyes to believe that you were actually there.

The moment he ran into the garage and saw you there, at first he couldn't believe his eyes, but when you took off your glasses and looked at him, everything came back to him in a second, all the memories, but also the anger.

Your legs went numb as well, your heart fluttered, but you didn't dare to approach him or say anything. The whole room fell silent as the two of you looked at each other. Everyone knew about the two of you and there was an awkward silence that was broken by Lewis himself when he left after half a minute of standing still.

It was minutes before Lewis was supposed to get into the car and he barely recovered from seeing you. He couldn't think straight, and the race was about to start. You here, was the last thing he needed.

At first he couldn't focus, all he thought about was you, but somehow he managed to shift his thoughts to the anger and rage he felt towards you and it woke up that beast in him that he was on the track and after a long long time Lewis finished as the winner of the race. And all thanks to you, although not because he was happy that you were there, but because he decided to take out his anger on the track.

You followed the race with folded hands hoping for the best result from Lewis and when you saw that he finished P1, you didn't show it too much, but there was no an end to your happiness. Your eyes watered and you proudly watched him celebrate. For a moment everything was like before, only in reality, nothing was like before.

In the evening you decided to go out with your friends and of course there were also F1 drivers in that same club, among them Lewis of course, who were celebrating his victory.

You wanted to, but you didn't approach him. You decided to have fun with your friends, you danced and basically acted like he wasn't even there even though you could feel his eyes on you the whole night following who was around you. And since this was Lewis' night he had too much to drink and decided to approach you himself the first moment he saw you headed for the toilet.

Before you stepped into the toilet, you felt a strong grip on your arm pulling you out. You turned around only to see Lewis' bloodshot eyes staring at you.

"Lewis? W-what are you doing?" You stammered.

"You better go outside with me if you don't want me to make a scene here in front of everyone." He said sternly through clenched teeth and that's why you decided not to resist. Attracting bad attention was the last thing you needed.

Of course all eyes were on the two of you as Lewis dragged you out of the club, you just couldn't avoid it. Once you stepped out he took you to the place behind the club where there were the fewest people.

"Did you come today to mess with my head or what?" He spat out.

"I was there on business, not because I wanted to" You half lied.

"Please" He scoffed. "How dare you show up after two years and just before the start of the race? How dare you play with my head like that?" He asked what you were most afraid of before coming.

You gulped before starting a sentence, but he cut you off "I-"

"You fucking put me through hell and back when you left and then one day you just decided to come as a guest out of nowhere?"

"Lewis, I-"

"And then you went out knowing that I'll be there, and you decide to dance and have fun with other guys in front of me as if I wasn't there? You have no fucking shame!" He growled. You understood his anger and it hurt you, it almost made you cry, but you knew this was the alcohol in his system talking.

"As far as I remember, we have not been together for two years" You say fighting to keep your voice from cracking.

"Oh yeah, and about that. Do you feel good knowing that you killed me when you left?" He asks. "You fucking disappeared for your own selfish reasons. Do you know what you did to me when you left my life? You fucking ruined me, y/n!" He screamed in your face and it hurt like hell. "How could you do that to me? I was ready to give you everything, I would've taken the stars out of the sky if you had asked me to, and you did what? You fucking left!"

"I am very well aware of what I did and why. You have no idea how hard it was for me to make that decision, but I wasn't ready to give you what you wanted."

"Yeah, you weren't ready because you still wanted to fuck other guys right?" He insulted, but you couldn't let him talk like that about you because that was far from the truth.

"Don't talk to me like that!" You threatened.

"And why not? Because the truth hurts you? Do you even realize that you were everything to me? I was ready to give it all for you, fuck, I lived for you, y/n! We had a perfect relationship, the kind of that many dreamed of and you ruined it all!"

"I knew what you wanted and I wasn't ready to give you that, Lewis! I was too young and I didn't want to make you wait because I saw in your eyes how much you wanted it!" You couldn't take it anymore. You broke into tears right in front of him. "I didn't leave because I stopped loving you, but quite the opposite because I loved you too much to deny you what you want"

"But I wanted it with you, fuck!!" He screamed clutching his head. "If you weren't ready then, I would have waited for you because I didn't want a family with anyone but you! But you didn't even let me explain it to you because you disappeared from the face of the earth!" He spoke breathlessly.

"I'm sorry..I don't know what else to tell you. Hurting you was the worst thing I could do, I realize that." You cried.

He stepped closer to you and put his cupped your cheeks. "I fucking lived for you, y/n, and you made me a mess of a man" He almost sobbed.

"I suffered too, don't think I didn't. Leaving you was the hardest decision I ever had to make."

"And yet you still did. Getting over you was by far the hardest thing ever. I'm Lewis fucking Hamilton. It's not in my mentality to break down over someone that much and let it completely take over my life and yet you managed to do that to me" He allowed his emotions to overwhelm him and now he was crying too while leaning his forehead against yours. "Please, leave. I don't ever wanna see you again."

His words broke you all over again although you could've expected it, somehow you hoped it wouldn't come to that. He released you from his grip, wiped his tears, composed himself and walked back to the club leaving you outside completely broken and in tears.

You had no choice but to go to the hotel where you were staying at. You didn't feel like having fun or anything anymore, you just wanted to get away from everything and cry your heart out in the silence of your room.

You cried quietly in the taxi all the way to the hotel then you continued in your room. It was already 3 in the morning when you found the strength to take off your makeup and lie down in bed.

All you could think about was did you really make such a mistake by leaving Lewis? You knew you hurt him, but you had no idea to what extent. You lay down in bed and prayed to God to take all your pain away because it was unbearable. The fact that it was your fault hurt even more.

After you left and Lewis returned to the club, he continued to drink and think of you. He knew you left crying and despite everything you did, knowing you were in pain made him hurt even more.

Lewis being Lewis, he found his sources and forced them to tell him which hotel you were staying at. He couldn't help himself, he needed to see you. After all, you were the love of his life. He knew there was no one else for him except for you and that's why he headed towards your hotel and after many threats at the reception he finally got your room number.

You weren't sleeping, you were lying and looking at the ceiling when you heard knocking on your door. At first you were scared, but approached the door anyway asking who it was.

"It's me. Open the door." Lewis said leaning his forehead against the door.

You opened the door not expecting him at all. You couldn't believe he was right there in front of you. You didn't know how he got to you, but at that moment you didn't even care. All you cared about was that he was there.

"Lewis?" You asked quietly as you opened the door. "What are you doing here?"

"To be completely honest, I have no fucking idea." He spoke. "I knew you left crying, and even though you didn't deserve it, I couldn't take it." He stepped in closing the door behind him. You smiled softly through your tears and he moved closer until your back touched the wall behind you.

"I'm here because I still can't wrap my head around the fact that you're not mine" He said.

"If only you knew how much I'm still yours, Lewis"

"Well, unfortunately I don't know, because you haven't done anything for two years to show me that" He slurred putting your cheeks between his hands once again. "But I do know that you're gonna be the death of me" You squeezed your eyes shut at his words.

"Tell me if you have ever found someone who loved you more than me?" He asked.

"I haven't.." There was no point in lying to him. "I wasn't even looking for someone"

"Yeah you didn't and you know why? Because that's not fucking possible." He stated. "Nor have I found anyone who made me feel the things I felt with you. Remember how I always used to hold you close to me while I was fucking you? How I made you look me in the eyes when you were about to cum? How I used to hug your shaking body and press my head against your chest to feel your heartbeat? Do you?"

"I do." You nodded squeezing your thighs a little. Even though you were hurting you couldn't help but get turned on by the things he was saying. Your relationship was full of passion and the sex was the best you ever had. You missed it, you have to admit.

"I can't even call it fucking because I was making love to you." His lips were only inches away from yours and all your attention was focused on them. Your eyes begged him to kiss you.

"I thought I was over you and I could live without you, but then you came back into my life and you messed with my mind once again. You can't do that shit anymore, y/n" He said moving his hands from your face down to your hips tightly gripping them.

"You don't have to live without me anymore because I swear I'm ready to give you everything I couldn't before." You say wrapping your arms around his neck. "I was so wrong, Lew. I miss you. I miss your touch, I miss what we had"

He didn't say anything but finally connected his lips with yours. He kissed you so passionately, so eagerly it brought life back to both of you. He gripped your butt and made you jump up wrapping your arms around his torso. Without breaking the kiss he led you towards the bed gently lying you down, him being on top of you.

"Please, don't make me regret this" He said exhaling in short breaths.

"I'm yours, baby. I've always been." You said breathlessly. "It’s just the two of us I promise..”

[joemama-2]

nanami kento has always been a patient man. he’s respectful and doesn’t talk to unless spoken to. he doesn’t like most people, might even hate some. but you’re not the type of person he would exactly hate, unlike a certain someone. he thinks you’re kind, polite, you always bow respectfully to your seniors, you diligently complete every task that’s asked of you. there’s also one more thing about you….he just cant put his finger on it. maybe you’re just tolerable, yeah that’s it.

you’re not a sorcerer, at least not a very good one. it’s why you’ve opted to be an auxiliary manager like ijichi and akari. “as long as i get to help the sorcerers in battle, i’m fine with whatever position i’ve been assigned.” you would say with a big and warm smile, innocently, naively. he thinks you’re too good for such a rotten society, something like that will get people killed. and he doesn’t want you on that list.

when he first met you back in high school, he didn’t think much of you. you weren’t a special grade, you didn’t have any awesome technique, you were just simply there. maybe you have connections, he thought. because there’s no way someone like you was admitted into tokyo jujutsu high. to this day, he doesn’t know how you did it. maybe you have some super cool talent that you didn’t like showing, maybe you just won over everyone’s hearts and they felt pity for you, he’ll never be a belt o find out. that’s one of his many regrets.

his other regrets are letting himself grow attached for no reason. no matter what, his eyes had a mind of his own, searching and scanning any room or environment for your figure. he chalks it up to protectiveness, you weren’t strong like he was and he didn’t want to see another comrade die. because thats all you were, a comrade. a comrade. a comrade. he chants this mantra into his mind every morning.

nanami didn’t know how it happened, but one thing led to another and he was always alone with you. comfortable silence was what he loved the most. you two could sit together for hours in a flower field you came across one day, just watching the sky and clouds form random shapes. you liked when they made hearts and little animals. although he always argued that they’re just clouds.

but, clouds almost reminded him of you. free, soft, floating around from place to place, and residing high in the sky. because he knew, no matter what, you were one of the few people who would go to heaven in this sick world, sick society. you belonged in heaven, you looked like an angel, acted like a goddess.

“let’s go to malaysia together.” you told him randomly one day, seeing an ad pop up about a beautiful vacation spot. kuantan. he didn’t take you too seriously. malaysia? out of all places? he didn’t see the hype.

all these thoughts flood his brain when he sees your body, looking lifeless and bloody, next to ijichi. you two have huge stab wounds in your mid-section. however, you have a bit more than your co-part, clear signs of your fight. even when you know you don’t have the upper hand, you won’t hesitate to fight back.

it’s hard as he carries you two, having to make sure ijichi doesn’t fall off his back while simultaneously holding you close to his chest. his heart twists and turns, stomach churning the entirety of the slow walk he does to bring you two back to ieiri. his mind is running rampant, constantly looking down at you. you can’t be dead, he thinks. neither of you two are dead, he can’t see more comrades die.

it’s almost weird to him how his throat tightens, tears stinging at his eyes. you don’t move, head lolling to the side as barely a sign of a breath is escaping your lips. your skin is pale and bruising. he hates it, hates how you look, hates how hurt you are, hates how he wasn’t there to stop it and protect you.

he sets you down first once he reaches shoko, handing the passed out ijichi to her. finally, he kneels down, taking in your appearance. nanami rarely gets mad, at least not seriously. but this time, he’s absolutely furious. silently seething as he breathing gets heavy. his fists clench by his side, nails drawing blood into the skin.

he gets up, no being able to stand how you look. but, he forgets you’re a fighter, forget that no matter what, you look out for sorcerers. out for him.

“kento….” you straggle out, hand weakly clutching onto his. you can barely keep your eyelids open. you mutter out the next few words. “…man….blonde……ponytail……s-sword….”

ah, he thinks. that’s his target.

he gulps, simply nodding. but your hand stays clutched onto his. using all your strength, you open your eyes wider, and he hates the tears that form in them. “….come back to me please…..”

he feels like crying with you. but he can’t, not now at least. he kneels down again, bringing the back if your hand up to his lips to press feather light kisses to each knuckle. his other hand gently uses his thumb to wipe your tears, treating you with utmost care. “kuantan,” he murmurs. “when this is all over, i’ll take you.”

you weakly chuckle, more tears falling at this point. “..p-promise..?”

he hesitates, but you notice. “promise.“ he says back, leaning down to give your forehead a kiss, sealing the promise. he places your hand back to your stomach before getting up to leave, not before sparing you one last glance.

and as you watch him leave, you don’t even know that it’s the last time you’ll ever see him, last time he’ll ever see you. because you trust his word, trusted that he’d come back.

nanami leaves with a heavy heart, staring death in the face and yet all he can think about is you. there’s many regrets he has.

he broke your guys’ promise, he hopes you won’t stay mad at him.

he won’t be able to take you to kuantan.

he won’t be able to see you, hold you, talk to you.

and finally, he wasn’t able to confess that he loved the simplicity. that he loved you.

he’ll see you again, in heaven and in another life. until then, he’ll watch over you. because nanami kento has always been a patient man.

[bitchimasnake-sss]

Hey love ❤️ I love the way you do Zoro angst. I was thinking like Zoro and the reader get pretty drunk at a festival and some guy sweeps her off her feet. Like she's all giggly and blushy and he's miserable about it. I was thinking maybe his perspective. She ends up not going home with this guy cause she knows Zoro's tendency to get lost. He's pissed off but also wasted so he doesn't make much sense. Maybe they argue. Maybe he drunkenly confesses. I think you can pick whether it ends well or not. I like pain.

mwuhahah i thrive off of angst (but i suck at writing it). this also shall have little bit of miscommunication trope (I HATE IT AS MUCH AS THE NEXT PERSON BUT IT MAKES FOR BRILLIANT ANGST HELLO!), and this ends in like unresolved angst and tension (cause i thought that was super funny of me). also a bit of crack included (cause im a jester and a clown and i enjoy making everything a bit stupid).

drunken liabilities ft. roronoa zoro!

set up: check above! the strawhat crew are invited to a celebratory party after saving an island from merciless pirates and somewhere between the drinking and the dancing, zoro finds himself yearning for a certain someone. warnings: dumb people, even dumber plot by me. mentions of alcohol, a fight, random party shenanigans; zoro gets jealous and petty. mutual pining by two idiots. "We're just crewmates" stfu no you're not. nami is the best thing in the universe. yeah, thats about it. wc: 2.7k

zoro saw you.

he saw your smile, and your ability to turn every one of his jabs into a nice, little argument. he saw the way you smiled, all self-satisfactory when you finally shut him up in those arguments. he saw the way you took him on in drinking competitions and how you giggled when he pretended to lose. he saw how pretty you looked, eyes hazy and cheek flushed after each of those competitions.

roronoa zoro saw you, whether you knew it or not.

but now, he saw you swaying your hips with your hands wrapped around a man. a maN?? A MAN THAT WASN'T EVEN HIM?

nami cleared her throat, raising the bottle of beer to her painted lips. she wanted to laugh at zoro's grumpy face, the way his eyebrows were knitted together. but being a woman of honour and virtue, she held back.

"fuck is wrong with him?" zoro muttered under his breath, mentally slicing up that man that was swaying with you. "why is he eye-fucking her?"

"you good?" nami laughed, finally.

zoro begrudgingly shifted his vicious glare from you and that stranger you were dancing with to nami. he gave her a shrug, "whatcha laughin' at, woman?"

"nothing, you're just murdering a man in your head again."

zoro said nothing, finding his words too simple to convey whatever it was that he was feeling. he didn't need to defend himself, after all.

it wasn't jealousy. pfft, ofcourse not.

maybe protectiveness? yeah, thats the word. you were part of the crew. and so, as the first mate, it was his duty to ensure that you were safe and sound from any imminent threat. even if that imminent threat was a man who you were dancing with. now, ofc, the swordsman wasn't a complete idiot. he knew that maybe he had a teeny, tiny-miny crush on you. maybe.

"i don't think it should be this normal for a person to be this casual about murder, zoro." the navigator egged him on.

"we're pirates, who cares." his shoulders slumped downwards as if to showcase his nonchalance about the subject matter.

"we care, we're the good kind."

"yeah, yeah. good kind." the former pirate hunter dragged the bottle to his lips, drinking in the intoxicating liquid as a light thump thump thump built in his head. he closed his eyes and tried to find a second of peace. but the people were singing too loud, and the makeshift lighting too blinding and if zoro recalled correctly, the sake he was chugging on was cheap as fuck. and he had had one too many as always.

typical celebratory things.

"you do know that she's single, right?" nami quipped after a minute, nodding in your general direction, "like, she isn't doing something morally wrong by dancing with a random dude. it's your own fault you're a pussy and can't ask her out."

he cracked open one eye, glaring at the red-head, "yeah okay, do you get paid to be all up in other people's business?"

"no," nami grinned, "but it's fun."

"right." zoro closed his eyes again and ran a light hand through his hair. he tried to guess where the other members of the group were. it wasn't hard to come to a convincing conclusion. he was sure that somewhere in the party, luffy, chopper, and ussop were busy playing some sort of food-related game. sanji was probably busy trying to pick up women. and the others mingling with the townsfolk. but you— what were you upto?

the swordsman's thoughts grabbed him by the collar and shook him like a wet, rabid dog. what if— what if you were swaying along with that man? your head on the stranger's chest, your ass hard against that man. what if that man took you through the unknown alleyways and up to his house and fu—

zoro whipped his face to look to where you were previously dancing. relief washed over his face when he found you on the dancefloor, still intoxicatedly dancing with the stranger.

but now the scene was different.

that guy had lifted you up in his arms. and the people around you (who were drunk out of their pea-shaped minds) hollered and cheered as you burst into a fit of giggles.

"hey, hey easy now." nami gently withdrew the glass bottle from zoro's grasp before he shattered it into a million pieces. the action from the navigator made the green-haired man looked down at his reddened palms in surprise. just protectiveness, right?

when nami spoke up again, she offered her (annoying) crewmate a sympathetic smile, "just go talk to her," zoro ignored the next part of her sentence, "when you're sober, okay?"

and that is how a very drunk roronoa zoro ended up in front of you on the dance floor.

the guy was swiftly carrying you away from the dance floor, to one of the darkened alleyways as you blushed and giggled when zoro approached the both of you.

"hey, i need to talk to ya for a sec." zoro's voice was slightly sluggish while addressing you, but the man turned around and gave him a confused look, "you want something, zoro?"

the swordsman shrugged, dismissing the well-natured man, "wasn't talking to you, was i now?"

drawing out your gaze on zoro, you scrambled off from the man's grip, standing up before answering, "sorry. what is it, zo?"

but it seems like whatever had been on zoro's tongue died within a minute of approaching you and that bastard. he resigned himself to a soft sigh, looking away from you. "nothin'" he grumbled, "nami was sayin that once you're done dancing, meet up with her."

"oh? is that all?" you asked softly, hoping that the stoic man would say something else.

but he was a man of few words, that you knew.

"yeah, well, she says she wants to walk back to the sunny with you. it's unsafe alone." he shrugged, "also, im heading back to the sunny."

"so soon?" and he nodded curtly in response. he gave the man next to you a quick side-eye before attempting to walk away from you at lightning speed.

by now the stranger had almost faded to the background as all your focus fell upon the man your captain called his first mate. as he walked away, his green hair were tousled, his walk a bit jagged up from all the alcohol. the overhead lighting plays with the dips and creases of his kimono and you found yourself following after him.

"hey!! where are ya going?!" the stranger called out after you but his voice faded between the rhythms and thumps of the songs and dances.

"zo!" you called after him, long forgetting the stranger that was spinning you around a few minutes ago. you caught up with him, "you know what? i actually wanna go back too, mind if i walk with you?"

he nodded solemnly, and you didn't mention that it was because you knew he would get lost and get drunkenly passed out on these unknown streets. and you didn't mention that you were worried about him, just because he was your crewmate. that's it.

the both of you walked in uncomfortable silence, as if something sinister was lurking around, waiting to ruin whatever peace remained between the two of you.

"you know." the swordsman voiced as he followed you into a dimly lit street. you were now far away from the celebratory festival, trying to take a shortcut to head back to the ship.

"hm?"

"you shouldn't get that close to a stranger." his words were innocent enough; a cautionary advice from one crewmate to the other. but it was his tone — dashed with a tiny bit of accusation — that made your skin crawl.

"well," you glanced back over your shoulder, finding his drunken form trailing you, "i don't really need you to tell me what to do. i can take care of myself, i know how to fight."

he scoffed, "oh, do you?"

maybe it was his tone. oh no, it was definitely his tone that pissed you off. so, you turned around. crossing your arms over your chest, you stared him down, "what's the problem with you?"

both of you were drunk, and the tension between you two ran high. one slip of tongue, one wayward action and the swordsman didn't know how the night would end— with you in his arms or with your dagger in his chest.

so, he decided not to take his chances. it was too risky, too bold. and the swordsman was never the kind to take uncalculated risks. so, he stifled his words and brushed past you. walking ahead now, he declared into the night air, "nothing's the problem with me, was jus' offering advice. don't take it if ya don't want it."

you followed suit, voice growing agitated, "why do you have a problem if i'm dancing with somebody else. or even making out or fucking them. it's none of your business. we're friends."

now it was his turn to turn around and glare at you, "i know that."

he paused for a second. were you really that stupid? did you not notice that whatever was left of his wretched heart belonged to you? or did you notice and you liked to stomp over it, anyways?

he finally sucked in a breath, steadying his drunken thoughts, "as you said, we're friends. you're part of the crew. and i was just l-looking out for you—"

"—well, you don't fucking have to. i am grown adult, zoro."

and just like that, whatever argument he had died within him. and he looked at you, dumbfounded. then, his gaze hardened and he stepped forward. were you really that stupid? or was he just that good of an actor for you to not see him the way he saw you?

he highly doubted the second one. maybe you were just very dense.

your breath hitched as he walked forward. if you had forgotten how scary the former pirate hunter can be, you were reminded right this second as you backtracked slowly. the two of you moved in tandem till your back was pressed against a solid wall and zoro stood directly in front of you.

towering over you, the menacing first mate said nothing as his gaze bore down holes into you.

"zo—zoro?" your voice was a meek whisper, eyes drifting downwards to avoid looking at him.

and suddenly, he was hyperaware of the situation he had forced you into. the closed proximity of it all, as you looked away from him. for someone who was a swordsman, he was certainly losing his patience. so, he simply pulled back, giving you some space. he sighed, he had clearly drunk too much tonight.

all that alcohol with all that pining was messing with his brain, "you should stay back, i'm going to the ship."

"what are you talking about—"

"—just go, enjoy. you're right, it is none of my business who you see." and with that the swordsman walked away.

"huh?? zoro!" you yelled after him, an unyielding resolve in your voice, "whe- where ARE YOU EVEN GOIN' ALONE? YOU'RE GONNA LOSE YOUR WAY!"

but in his classic avoidant way, he ignored you. taking long steps through the dusty road to reach the ship.

"oh my god, are you GONNA MAKE ME RUN TO REACH YOU?"

but he dismissed you again, clenching his jaw and continuing to walk. and you decided to jog to catch up with him, much to your dismay. he scoffed over his shoulder, fingers dancing along the hilt of his swords, "no need. sorry i ruined your plans tonight."

and that halted you dead in your tracks. to fuck with any apologies you had, who was he to pass around judgement for what you do?

"what's that supposed to mean? fuck you." you spat out, "i'm going back to the crew."

"fine by me." he grumbled, turning around to face you, "have fun."

"will do." you seethed, trying to raise his hackles, "make sure you don't pass out on the streets like a drunkard."

"even if i do, i'd be fine." he was getting more and more irritated, trying to raise your hackles right back, "why do you care?"

"ugh." you stepped forward, jabbing his chest accusatorily, "i was so dumb to leave that super nice guy to come chase after you! all you care about are your swords and your dumb sake."

he pursed his lips. what were you both even arguing about anymore? it made no sense, any of it. he wasn't even sure why the two of you were yelling at each other anymore. the nightly winds were unforgiving and cold. and all he knew was that as you yelled at him, blood rushed to your cheeks and your eyes came ablaze. your brows furrowed and lips fell into a pout as you awaited him to answer you. the gentle caress of the winds washed your hair over your face and you pushed them back in annoyance.

dammit.

zoro never believed in gods, but right now he would curse whatever deity sat above for making you so goddamn pretty. and making him so goddamn stupid.

as if looking at you would lead to his demise, now, it was his turn to look away. slowly drawing in a breath, he muttered, "jus' go back, there's no point arguing."

"fine. i'm leaving."

and wow, there must be some sort of cruel deity above. one who especially had a vendetta against zoro.

because, as if on cue, the man who you had been dancing showed up. he was slightly out of breath, as if he had run to come catch up with you, "hey! uh," he stopped short as he saw the stare off between you and zoro. "sorry, am i interrupting something?"

you turned around to look at the man, "what? no. nothing." you paused, giving zoro a short glace, "what are you doing here?"

"i uh—" the stranger shifted on his feet, a nervous smile on his face, "i- well, my friends forced me to come after you. i— i just... i know you guys are leaving in two days, but i was wondering if you would maybe wanna spend some time with me tonight? i, uh, i would really like to get to know you."

zoro stared at the man in a strange mix of jealousy and awe. was it that easy to confess?

"—it's okay if you're tired!" the man spluttered on, "i mean, i just wanted to talk— only if you want to, of course."

clearly, it was. because you turned away from zoro, giving that stranger a genuine smile, "you're too sweet. and, i was heading back to the party anyways, so might as well—"

"—really?" the man beamed and you nodded, walking towards him, mirroring his smile.

roronoa zoro watched you walk away, not even sparing him a sliver of a glance. and all of a sudden, the night air was too chilly and his headache too annoying and his heart, it ached.

before you turned to next street and disappeared with the stranger, you looked back at him. something in your gaze that begged the first mate to stop you, to call you back to him instead.

but he didn't.

all zoro could do was stand there, stupefied. you turned the corner, taking your gaze off of him with mild disappointment. before you turned, he saw you laughing at something the stranger had said.

zoro had no idea how long he stood there, transfixed at the ghost of you that was once in front of him.

roronoa zoro always saw you, right? well, now, he just saw you leave.

"what are you doing here? lost your way, marimo?" sanji asked as he materialized out of thin air on that street.

"huh?" zoro broke out of his daze, "what are you doing here?"

"hah," sanji looked smug, ignoring his question and blowing out a puff of smoke, "what did i expect from the idiot with no sense of direction."

"oh, go fuck yourself, shitty cook."

now, why did sanji show up at the exact moment zoro got his heart (whatever of it was left, anyways) broken?

the gods above must be laughing at the swordsman.

credits: to @bucciniexe for the format of the header; @chachachannah for the divider above! a/n: i don't know if this was nearly angsty enough, but i really do picture zoro as an avoidant who runs from his feelings for quite a long time. sooo, i hope this was angsty enough. thankyou @screaming-crying-screamingagain for the prompt, hope you like it mwuah <3

[houserautha]

Ok, okay listen I have a mighty neeed to say this!

How would Feyd-Rautha feel about having a wife who’s sensual???❤️Hear me out, his spouse comes from a small planet called Eros (Greek word for passionate love) and it’s basically the opposite of Giedi Prime, the people are loving, gentle and highly romantic individuals. Even worse they are pacifists! At first Feyd is like eww wtf is that culture? Never heard of such a thing, but when it’s time to meet the bride he sees her and is bewitched…

She has long rapunzel hair cascading down her back, or in a braid. She’s gentle with the maids and teaches them how to put flowers in her hair.

Always had luxurious perfumes and oils. Runs Feyd these big bubble baths and soothes his wounds.

Has the best fruits and sweets shipped in from her planet. Loves telling stories to children, like one of those lovely kindergarten teachers and she thanks everyone for their help.

Loves to paint, and do artsy stuff that Feyd just doesn’t understand where is the war? The bloodshed! The chaos—oh she made me a painting of my battles! Oh that’s so😍

Kisses Feyd’s bruises and at first he’s like cut that out! But then he’s like “Where are my kisses?” “I demand your affection woman.” And she’s like you don’t have to beg. Black cat hubby vibes🐈‍⬛

Gives him good massages too. Will brutally kill and then surely die if she offers anyone else a massage.

Soft and siren like singing voice, plays the harp. Even the Baron is impressed and wants her to play for their events everytime.

“Pick up the blade and defend yourself wife! You never know when you’ll need to, especially if I’m not home to protect you.” His wife just shrugs “But darling, I don’t believe in violence.” Feyd take as deep breath and closes his eyes.

Speaks in a gentle tones “Hello Rabban how are—?” Feyd: “Don’t speak to him he’s a brute!” Rabban is touched that she cares but also jealous that Feyd always gets the most beautiful things offered to him. Even a caring bride.

Extremely calm and seductive. No voice or Bene Gesserit skills needed. Feyd storms in stressed, covered in blood from one his fights and she’s just lying there half naked in a robe reading a book. “Would you like to make love would that be better?” She asks stroking the sheets. “I—I would love to fuck you.” “Oh! Well those are two different things, if you’d like then” “Come here. Come here!” *climbs onto bed.*

Comforts Feyd when he has nightmares. Caresses him and hands him a mug. Feyd: “What is this? It smells horrid.” “It’s elderflower tea my love, it’ll calm you.”🥰 *sips tea* “I hate it. It’s disgusting.” *keeps sipping*

Wears a lot of silk, velvet and lace. Has a gorgeous body and luscious skin.

Feyd is shocked when his darlings don’t want to harm her because she spoils them with special treats, delicious wine, jewelry, and dresses. They forget he enters the room because they are giggling over their gifts. Feyd: “What is this?” “She gave us heart and kidney pie.” “And silver rings!”

Bonus points: She ALWAYS wears red lipstick which is a contrast to the black and white of the Harkonnen planet. Imagine whenever she steps in to see Feyd and her smile is wide and her lips look like bright blood.

Just a thought enjoy!❤️

Omg I LOVE all of this, thank you for sharing it!!

I definitely think it would be a learning curve for Feyd but deep down he just desperately wants someone to love him😂😭

I can see him getting frustrated with himself like “what are these feelings, what has she done to me” and when he asks her what kind of witch she is, she just throws back her head and laughs and tells him, “that’s love, dear”

[astarionancuntnin]

Bad Blood

summary: it was meant to be a nice, simple plan. get the sorceress to fall in love with him to assure his own safety, nothing more. what he didn't plan was to fall for her as well, and all the complications that came along with it.

or

my own twist on the astarion confession scene with the reader!tav from my previous fic, Undisclosed Desires

rating: M

word count: 3.6k

pairing: astarion x you (fem!reader, sorceress!tav)

cw: angst, hurt/comfort, self-destructive tendencies from tav, dissociation, mention of past trauma (rape/abusive relationship), toxic coping mechanism, near death experience, talks of manipulation tricks (Astarion's confession speech). full list on ao3

a/n: a follow up to Undisclosed Desires (master list can be found here), now featuring astarion POV! reading the previous fic isnt mandatory but i do highly suggest it to get a feel of their relationship + reader!tav's character and the build up that brought them there (mind you UD is explicit).

read on ao3

or keep reading down below ~

How do I try? I don't know why I wanna fall in love

I wanna die, every time I see you parking up

Forget about the fights, remember the nights we had, it's not enough

I wanna lie, pretend I'm alright, but-

-

I’m… not expecting you to say it back, but I meant what I said yesterday. I don’t know where this’ll go, but I know I want to be with you.

The words resonated in Astarion’s head.

He pretended to be sleeping back then, but he heard everything she said. He appreciated that she didn’t expect an answer from him, since he wouldn’t have been able to give one. Of course, this was the expected outcome; he did everything to make her fall for him. It was easy after all, a routine of sorts. She was cold at first and he doubted he could get to her, but in the end, everything had gone exactly according to plan. Except for one simple detail.

I think I’m in love with you. 

Astarion has had those words in mind ever since her declaration, a few nights ago. Since then, she was more lenient with him in general, but what he was most grateful for was how she was more keen on letting him feed on her. They didn’t talk about what happened, but their relationship was stable. He had what he wanted; security from the leader of the group, assurance that she wasn’t going to turn on him, and a meal every night. She was also less aggressive towards him but she still had that fire in her that made her a menace on the battlefield, without taking away that softness towards people in need. That balance in her character, this goodness within that drifted him towards her, that made him love her in return.

…Love? No, that couldn’t be right. He found himself enjoying the banter between the two of them, it’s true. She was just as witty as he was, and their back and forth was the most fun he had during the day. She challenged him, kept him on his toes, ready for anything, and the few times they had sex were great, he couldn’t deny that either. It started out as a ruse to have her trust and protect him, but then it became more intimate, she opened herself up to him during those precious moments. He was able to know her unlike anyone else among their group.

She was more than he expected her to be, and at first, he hated it. Couldn’t believe how his own plan turned against him. But then he saw how she cared, when no one else did, and she let herself be vulnerable for him when she came forward with her own feelings. When he held her close that morning, he didn’t want to let go. She sounded so sincere, felt so warm and soft against him, a safe haven. Until he could come forward with his own feelings, if he ever did, he would accept any form of affection from her, when she’s the least likely to notice. After all, he couldn’t let himself show any type of vulnerability, lest fall for her. It would go against his plan.

Every chance she had to take a stand for him, she did. She was merciless and cruel to those who posed a threat to their group, protecting him as much as she protected herself. She was probably the most courageous member of their party, but as of late, this courage turned into recklessness; casting strong spells that could have wiped an entire village when a simple, smaller one, would’ve done the trick. Every fight made her take more unnecessary risks to secure their victory, and given the shadowlands were dangerous territory, she believed it justified her recent impulsiveness. She used to be more strategic, she was resourceful and able to lead battles using everyone’s abilities; that’s why they had put her in charge of their group, but their latest fights had been too close for comfort, and tension had risen around camp. It has worked so far, she had claimed, not seeing the issue with her behaviour, and dismissing everyone who came forward to express their concern.

But what would they do when it would fail?

His fellow companions blamed it on the shadow-cursed lands that must’ve been affecting her, surely, as she was growing back to her cold, distant self, but Astarion noticed the change in her behaviour specifically following their visit at Last Light Inn. She was fine when they first entered the vicinity, but by the time they were leaving, the sorceress seemed anxious and eager to go back into the woods, away from the security the inn provided, oddly enough. When she was asked about it, she blamed it on a bad gut feeling. Shadowheart agreed and blamed it on the presence of the Selunite, who they didn’t even get the chance to discuss with. The rest of their party didn’t push for more information following that interaction, and she stayed mostly silent for the rest of the day and even ignored Astarion’s remarks, which was unlike her.

Still, she let him feed the following nights, but she seemed away during their sessions. She wasn’t exactly the talkative type and he didn’t want to pry, but she caught his attention when she walked out of her tent, panting, a few times throughout these last  nights. When he had taken a peek, he found her clutching at her chest, struggling to breathe as she was pacing nearby. Something was troubling her and it felt too critical to let it go unnoticed. After tonight, Astarion decided to confront her about it.

She was dabbing her neck, cleaning the traces of his recent feeding, her eyes lost in the distance, when he spoke up. “I’ve noticed you seem… away, during our little sessions, as of late.”

“Hm?” She’s snapped back to reality, proving his point, but still avoiding any eye contact. “Oh, it’s nothing, don’t worry about it.”

“But I do worry. Especially with those nightmares you’ve been having lately.”

Her gaze locked with his, a dread settling within her. Her eyes darted across her tent, questioning if it was even worth it to lay her heart out. She sighed deeply, taking in a moment to find the words and it took her a few tries to finally speak up. 

“When we passed by the Last Light Inn, I… recognised someone. He…” Her breath cut short. “We used to date. Ish. It wasn’t a great experience, to put it lightly. I was young and naive, and he took advantage of it. He–” Her breathing quickened as she was explaining further, the memories vividly coming back to her. The words got stuck in her throat, unable to carry on. “I hated myself for so long. I felt guilty of what had happened to me. It took me years to get over it– I thought I was over it, but the second I saw him again, it all came back at once.”

She paused once more, trying to regulate her breathing. “I spent all those years thinking about how I could make him regret what he did to me, if we ever crossed paths again. And when it finally happened, I froze. I. fucking. froze.” 

Tears were threatening to fall and she pulled her knees close to her chest, turning her head aside; she couldn’t bear to let him see her in that state. “I’m sorry– you need to leave.”

He wanted to hold her, tell her that he would be by her side no matter what, that he would help her get her revenge if that’s what she desired, just like she promised to help him out against Cazador, but he simply couldn’t. The words remained caged in his chest as he got up and opened the flap of her tent before bidding his goodbyes.

The next morning, she avoided him like he used to avoid the sun; anytime he was nearby, she would turn to face someone else among their group, as if she couldn’t stand to look at him. Her speech was concise, mathematical, she had lost any sign of the emotions she had experienced the night prior. When she selected the members of the party for the day, he was surprised to be a part of it. He wasn't scared to be left in camp, after all, she made it clear in the past that his ability to lock pick any and every thing made him a valuable asset, but he had his doubts after how she had been acting this morning.

The sorceress proposed to visit Moonrise Tower to get to the heart of their problem, but the shadow curse had made it tedious to navigate further and Karlach urged the group to revisit the Last Light Inn to get the help of the Selunite cleric. With the majority of the party agreeing, their leader had no choice but to step over her current feelings for the sake of their mission, but she made it clear that they wouldn’t stay a second longer than needed in there. 

To her dismay, that moment would take up most of their day.

After receiving the blessing of the cleric, a winged man, that Isobel referred to as Marcus, arrived from the skies claiming that she needed to leave with him, and when it was made clear that it wasn't an option, a fight ensued with his own army of undead. They should've been able to handle them, it was their first fight of the day and they were prepared for anything. Or so they thought. 

The hits from their enemies were stronger than anticipated and Shadowheart barely managed to keep everyone alive with Marcus who drained them dry at every chance he had; against their best attempt, Isobel was knocked out and captured by the winged man.

Without the moon cleric to protect the inn, all its inhabitants were claimed by the shadow curse; one by one, the group of adventurers watched them die and turn against them, prolonging their already lengthy battle. They defeated all the harpers within the inn before making their way outside, where another group of possessed fighters were waiting for them. The fight had been going on for what felt like forever; waves of new enemies kept coming in and the party was running short on spells and patience. More worrisome: Shadowheart had used her last healing spell. 

With everyone’s health running dangerously low, the sorceress knew she had to act fast to assure their victory. She was scanning the battlefield to evaluate her options when she froze, her gaze stuck on one of the Harpers that was approaching them. Astarion recognized her behaviour from the night before and he knew he had to step in. He screamed her name, trying to make her snap out of it, but she remained motionless, unable to react to her environment, as a range of emotions visibly flooded her all at once. Without Karlach by her side to slash the undead that was coming for her, she would’ve been downed right there and then. The fiery tiefling screamed her name again and grabbed her by her shoulder, grounding her back to reality.

“Soldier, hey! You with me?”

Their leader blinked quickly, taking back her surroundings, “Yeah… yeah, I’m fine, sorry.”

“What’s happened to you? You were this close to being a goner.”

She didn’t answer back, but when her eyes fell back on the Harper she recognized seconds ago, an uncontrollable anger started boiling within her, and although Astarion noticed the fists clenching tighter and tighter at her sides, he wasn’t expecting what came next.

She freed herself from Karlach’s grasp on her shoulder as she bolted straight to the Harper she had in her sights. No one was able to stop her before she casted flaming hands on the undead, with a guttural scream that was cut short by the explosion that followed.

Blinded by rage, the sorceress missed to notice the multiple barrels of smoke powder that surrounded their last enemies as she cast her spell, blowing them up and herself in the process.

The rest of the party remained far enough to be spared by the explosion, Karlach receiving barely any damage. As the smoke settled down, the figure of their friend appeared, spread on the ground among the corpses of their fallen enemies. 

No… it can't be…

Despite his distance from her, Astarion was the first one to reach her. He quickly rushed past the cleric and barbarian to land next to the fainted sorceress, bringing her head close to him. He tried to look for her eyes, but they were shut tight with no sign of life.

“Wake up… Wake up! Come on now. Please…” His hold of her became desperate, looking for any sign of consciousness; her body’s warmth was turning to a familiar coldness, and the soft melody of her heartbeat was getting quieter. Dread started to settle in and he shot a deadly stare at Shadowheart who was still standing next to Karlach, checking on her smaller wounds. “What are you waiting for? An invitation?! Heal her!”

“I'm all out of spells!” She tried to explain. “We need to bring her back to our camp.”

“Would it kill you to try?”

Karlach nodded, agreeing that their friend was in bigger need of care than her, and Shadowheart approached the fainted party member begrudgingly, knowing fully well she would be of no help, and knelt next to her as she tried to cast a healing spell, but nothing happened. She tried again, and again, but her magic had run out. “I'm sorry, I– I can't.”

“What do you mean, you can't?!” Astarion spat out. “That's your sole purpose! What good of a cleric are you if you can't even heal her!”

“Hey!” Karlach stepped in before Shadowheart could retort. “Yelling won't get us anywhere, alright? We're all exhausted, and Soldier here needs serious help – let's just all go back to camp? Halsin might be able to take a look at her.”

His eyes narrowed, looking back at his lover, and he nodded to his friend. Without wasting any more time, Karlach picked her lifeless body from the ground, leading the march to their campsite without muttering another word. 

Back at camp, the party rushed to bring the burned sorceress to Halsin’s tent. At the brief sight of her lifeless body, everyone else rushed to see the state she was in.

“By Sylvanus, what happened back there?”

“Does it matter? She clearly needs help!” Astarion shouted.

“She was in the middle of an explosion, it was pretty bad.” Karlach stepped in, providing an answer for the archdruid. ”Can you fix her up?”

“I’ll do what I can, my friend, but I’ll need some time– “ He turned to Astarion who was hovering. “And space. Do not worry, I will come to you once I am done.”

With those last words, Karlach laid their fallen friend down in Halsin’s tent and guided Astarion out with a pat on the shoulder and a soft “Come on, Fangs''. He followed her, giving one last look at the woman he grew to love, a mix of anger and worry painted over his face. Astarion remained at his tent, trying to take his mind off of her by sewing up his torn clothes, but his mind kept going back to the moments before the explosion. He had pieced together what had happened, but he couldn't understand why she had put herself at risk like so. She was the smartest among them – he even enjoyed taunting Gale about it – and she was logical in combat. Why would she go as far as to risk her life over this? He kept pacing around in circles for the rest of the evening, expecting the worst as time went by. 

As night time approached, the flap’s of Halsin's tent opened to reveal an exhausted healer. Astarion hurried to him, his worry circulating to the druid with unspoken words.

“I stabilised her.” He tried to reassure the pale elf. “She will be alright, but she needs to rest. Her wounds were… a lot. If she didn't have the resolve of a sorceress, she might’ve not made it.” 

His eyes darted to the opening of the tent, mindlessly walking in, not ready for what was before him: the sorceress half naked, her clothes having been replaced almost completely by bandages. The few bits of her skin left bare showed old scars and new bruises covering them. She lifted her eyes to meet his, only to turn away at the vision of his visible worry.

“It's bad, isn't it?” she sighed heavily. “He said I shouldn't use my powers for a few days. Said it could ‘compromise the healing process’.” She mocked the archdruid’s voice. When Astarion didn’t say anything in return, her eyes darted back to him to notice his expression hadn’t changed in the slightest. “You shouldn’t have to see me like this.”

“And you shouldn’t have blown yourself up, dear.” 

“It’s not like I did it intentionally.”

“Not unless your intention was to end your life,” he snapped.

“Gods, what’s wrong with you?”

“Me?! What's wrong with me is that I happen to care for a brat who's prone to self destructive behaviour!”

“Excuse me?!” She raised herself up on her elbows.

“That stunt you pulled back there? You almost died!”

“We all could've died! I made the right choice to save our skins and nobody is grateful for it.” She groaned in pain, her body reminding her of her recent wounds.

“What choice?! Blowing yourself up? You blindly rushed in and put your life at risk. Gods, do you even realise the danger you put yourself in?”

“It was a calculated risk,” she hissed, her voice lowering. “And… I needed to do it.”

“What, kill yourself?”

“Ugh, I don’t even know why I’m trying to justify myself to you – It worked out, didn’t it? Why are you making such a big deal out of it now?” 

“Because I care about you!”

"Oh right, it would be such a shame if something happened to your precious meal." 

"You are more than that to me!”

She froze, the anger vanishing from her face, “...What do you mean?”

“When you… when I held you in my arms, back there I – I thought you were gone.” His voice cracked. “I didn’t think I would care, Hells, I didn’t plan to, I–”

She quickly blinked in confusion, “Plan?” and he realised just then what he had let out; he needed to come clean. 

“I know how it’s going to sound but, please, just hear me out. I… I had a plan. A nice, simple plan - seduce you, sleep with you, manipulate your feelings so you’d never turn on me. It was easy - instinctive. Habits from two hundred years of charming people kicked in. All you had to do was fall for it. And all I had to do was not fall for you… Which is where my nice, simple plan fell apart.”

She stayed silent, taking in everything he confessed, her gaze going back and forth as she was considering his words, and Astarion was starting to fear this was a mistake; this was meant to show her he cared just as much as she did. He couldn’t afford to lose her, not now that he laid out his feelings, not after almost losing her. He reached out for her hand, trying to bring her back to him.

“You–... you’re incredible. You deserve something real. I want us to be something real.”

She scoffed, finally finding her voice again. “So all this time…” Her chest rose as her breathing accelerated and she pulled her hand away from him in disbelief. “Everything you said, what we did–… Gods, were you even attracted to me?”

“Of course I was! Look at you, for goodness sake – you’re a vision. And you’re so much more than that.”

“Right. Then all of this,” she points at the two of them, “The flirting, the teasing, the soft words, you caring about me… It was an act, all along?”

“No! I mean– only at first, but then what we had – after that first night – it was real, I swear.”

She looks away as her eyes tear up, removing her hand from his grasp. “Why are you telling me this, Astarion?”

“I… I’m not sure… But you deserved to know.”

“I cannot believe I let myself fall for you. I’m such a fool.”

“Please–” He reached out for her hand again and she backed off abruptly.

“Don't touch me.”

The familiar words made his undead heart clench in pain and he backed off slowly. Despite her visible tears, Astarion knew she was boiling with rage.

“I really do care about you. I hope you’ll be able to forgive me.”

The tears streamed down her face as she blinked, her gaze stuck on the ground before them.

“You better have had your fill yesterday, because that was the last time I let you feed on me.” Her eyes met his, in a fury that he had never seen before, and she spoke with a shaky but dark voice. “I don't want you anywhere near me anymore.”

He nodded, “I understand–”

“I don't think you do,” she cut him off, her raging eyes piercing through him.

He looked at her incredulous, until she confirmed his worst fear.

“I want you gone from this camp by tomorrow morning.”

-

But every time I see those eyes

I wonder if you know you're keeping me up late at night

I don't know where to go

I pretend, I don't care, I tell myself you're right here

It's nothing but a nightmare, nightmare

Thank you for reading! Comments, reblogs, and likes are very much appreciated <3

tag list (comment or message me if you want to be added!): @grimistheangerinmystares @silverfangmarks @roguishcat @nyx-knox @anacdoce

[yournightmary]

Streamer!Ellie HCs

content warning:: fem!reader, modern!AU, mentions of getting hurt

AN:: Another headcannons, who would’ve thought? Streamer!Ellie was literally the reason I started writing. Enjoy :)

⇢ ˗ˏˋ streamer!Ellie who started streaming as a joke. Jesse was already a streamer and he constantly said she’d be good at it, so why not?

⇢ ˗ˏˋ streamer!Ellie who at first had such a shitty setup. No webcam, mic barely working and her PC couldn’t handle minecraft with shaders.

⇢ ˗ˏˋ streamer!Ellie who randomly went from 30 viewers average to almost 10k one day. Just blew up overnight.

⇢ ˗ˏˋ streamer!Ellie who gets canceled at least once a week. She just says dumb shit without thinking and has to apologize after. and people are just fucking weird.

⇢ ˗ˏˋ streamer!Ellie who lives off of snacks and won’t eat a proper meal if you don’t cook anything. She’s just always on that grind😎🔥

⇢ ˗ˏˋ streamer!Ellie who’s entire personality on camera is just a character. Screams and throws herself off of her chair on camera but goes non verbal every time she’s in private.

⇢ ˗ˏˋ streamer!Ellie who mostly streams games, especially minecraft & fortnite. She might make an irl stream once in a blue moon, but don’t expect it to be good.

⇢ ˗ˏˋ streamer!Ellie who loves her community and wants to talk to them more often but always ends up swearing and arguing with random people in chat.

⇢ ˗ˏˋ streamer!Ellie who gets copyright strikes and warnings from twitch admins almost every stream. Most of the times she doesn’t even know what she did wrong.

⇢ ˗ˏˋ streamer!Ellie who keeps your relationship a secret. She’s scared you’d get a ton of hate. (You would) ((Streamer fanbases are awful))

⇢ ˗ˏˋ streamer!Ellie who buys the most random things she can ‚for the lulz’. Whether it’s for her streaming room or bedsheets, she’s buying the weirdest option. (This made me think of her)



⇢ ˗ˏˋ streamer!Ellie who is definitely a hey mamas girl.

⇢ ˗ˏˋ streamer!Ellie who majorly fucked up and showed her personal instagram account (with your pictures) by accident. Her following went up by 10k almost instantly and she ended up deleting it:/

⇢ ˗ˏˋ streamer!Ellie who after that mistake took a hiatus for almost 3 weeks. I mean- logged out of every account she had and didn’t check any socials for that time.

⇢ ˗ˏˋ streamer!Ellie who came back to streaming thinking she’d get all the hate in the world but people were just joking that ‚she’s too much of a loser to have a pretty girlfriend’.

they were also surprised she was lesbian. She never talked about her private life on stream, not even once.

⇢ ˗ˏˋ In my mind she’s the female version of 2019/2020 Quackity. Is he still relevant? idk

⇢ ˗ˏˋ streamer!Ellie who jokes about selling feet pics and bath water a little too often for your liking.

⇢ ˗ˏˋ streamer!Ellie who once did a handstand for a 100 bucks. Ended up breaking her arm in two places and she couldn’t play games for almost two months.

⇢ ˗ˏˋ streamer!Ellie who gets hurt on stream so often she got flagged for self harm. Apologized on twitter though:)

⇢ ˗ˏˋ streamer!Ellie who definitely thinks loud=funny.

⇢ ˗ˏˋ streamer!Ellie who finds out she’s in some kind of drama every single time she opens twitter. It’s always for something stupid too, like saying she’d win in a fight against some random streamer and their fanbase gets pissed.

⇢ ˗ˏˋ streamer!Ellie who feels bad about having nice things so she just buys you a ton of gifts. Gotta spend that streamer money somehow🤑

⇢ ˗ˏˋ streamer!Ellie who showed you on stream once and the chat went crazy. People made edits of the 10 seconds you were on screen. Ellie watched all of them.

⇢ ˗ˏˋ streamer!Ellie who streams cutting her hair every few months. She says ‚she’s cooking’ while chat drags her through mud.

⇢ ˗ˏˋ streamer!Ellie who streams so much she started saying ‚chat’ in real life, even when she’s alone. Always gets embarrassed about it and apologizes.

Can you tell I was a dsmp kid during quarantine?

[stargirlfeyre]

I don’t care how much their fans try to say otherwise. The Valkyries winning the rite was unrealistic.

• “Y’all say they only won with the power of friendship but the BatBoys did too”…the Batboys were also trained warriors from childhood that had been preparing for the rite since they walked into those camps. Their situation can’t be compared to the Valkyries because like most Illyrians they had years of preparation built up for this on top of them “having the power of friendship”. They did not win simply because they relied on one another but because they were also trained specifically for this.

• “But Feyre won against the Wyrm and y’all didn’t say that was unrealistic” Feyre like the Batboys used her years of preparation as a huntress to kill the Wyrm. She like them used her prior knowledge to win. That trial was specifically chosen for her because Amarantha knew that she was a huntress and wanted her to hunt the Wyrm. Which she did. She did not fight it head on but rather outsmarted it. The Valkyries fought Illyrian warriors with years of training. “But the Valkyries were trained by the most powerful warriors in Prythian” correct me if I’m wrong but doesn’t Cassian also spend time training Illyrians at the camps? So those warriors were also trained by the most powerful of them😭.

• “Y’all are just misogynists who hate seeing women overpower men” Nah. Valkyrie fans *cough Nesta fans cough* just like to come for every other woman and their achievements in these books. You can’t be trying to devalue these women and everything that they’ve overcome when you stan people who have the biggest plot armor. You’re just getting a taste of your own medicine.

• “The Valkyries won because the Illyrians were too busy hunting one another instead of focused on winning” Sorry but you’re never going to make me believe that every Illyrian in the rite was just focused on these women. You think every single one was focused on killing them over having eternal glory and status? The rite is one of the most (if not the most) sacred Illyrian traditions. I can guarantee you that a lot of them went into it wanting to win and not worrying about 3 random women. The Illyrian they met in the cave proved that there were people not worried about killing them.

Lastly if Sjm wanted to make them winning look more realistic then she should have lowered the stakes. She shouldn’t have made it this hard competition that only 12 (?) people have won in the entire history of Illyria if she was going to have 3 people with little to no knowledge about it win. This just proves that she was winging Acosf and not much of it was planned out the way a book as long as that requires. It’s not even just the fighting. They had no wilderness training. Not only were they fighting people with years (maybe even centuries) of training on them. They survived a week in the woods when none of them were prepared for that.

I’m sorry but I’m just not going to believe this. Get mad at me for saying it all you want but it was not realistic. “But this is fantasy it’s not supposed to be realistic” — same group of people that calls Rhys a p*do for his age difference with Feyre and comes for Feyre’s role as High Lady. You only want realism when it benefits you.

[thousandyearphantombunker]

The Owl House Critical Post, scroll away now I don't know if I am being too harsh in this post but I wrote it anyway so if you don't wanna read something potentially upsetting this is a warning (to those who decide to read please tell me if I'm being too harsh)

I remember initially hating how the show handled its villains, they all felt like jokes, they never felt like threats or like they provided a meaningful challenges for the main cast, they never had any real depth or complexity. but i bit my tongue, I was told that I was basically a dumbass for complaining that Bump openly breaks a law that's supposed to be punishable by death so that Luz could fulfill her witchy fantasy and that he wasn't arrested. the show could've had him make the multiclass student thing be something underground- boom it lets luz live out her fantasy but doesn't ignore what was established about the setting and creates potential stakes if these underground classes ever got discovered! That already made me angry but the cult thing is what I wanted to complain about- i only had basic ass knowledge about cults and TOH fails at portraying that crap, most people in the EC can just quit and do so in a way that makes it feel like they're just quitting a job, it doesn't feel like they fear losing their friends or sense belonging and community, they don't feel like they're anything but jokes. Leaving a cult is scary, often times cults will send their followers into the real world and set them up to have bad experiences so they'll come running back, they'll hire thugs to scare them into staying or position them in away so that they suffer (sending them out without money or the skills to survive), they humiliate those who begin to ask questions so that they stay in line. guilt tripping, putting members against each other, cutting off contact with the rest of the world! The show only adds the whole 'forced to fight on a mountain' thing for flavor! Everytime it brings up actual stuff cults do it feels like it's more for flavor than actually writing this topic with sensitivity- look at how they treat Lilith! Imo It feels like the show insulting people for ever trusting belos, treating them like they're braindead and could've just realized fairly easily that he was evil. It's the most egregious with hunter who was basically fucking born into the EC. the show is also pretty black and white, which is curious for a show that gets praise for its portrayal of religious trauma. You think the show would be more grey. I did deeper research into cults and just got SO tired of people talking about how good the show was at conveying such a heavy topic. The titan reveal also doesn't help- Luz is told by an all powerful deity that she is the chosen one basically and is told that old man is evil and needs to go down- isn't that the same justification that belos uses for his actions- not saying belos should've gotten redemption or forgiveness but this feels wrong. He deserved to die don't get me wrong but using this justification feels gross. What's even worse is that the titan made Philip's life harder on purpose- ah yeah that brainwashed cult victim would totally change his mind especially if you make his life harder- yeah I would've preferred if belos was depicted in a flashback just having a bad time on the boiling isles and cherry picked those bad experiences to justify his actions. Also I hate that the show just writes belos off as greedy and glory seeking when it could've conveyed a message about how people can get absolutely get warped by religious dogma. I do wonder though if I'm being too harsh because TOH is for kids and I was told it would be hard to portray this stuff in a way kids could understand. I can come up with ways to make the breaking the law openly thing less egregious but I am struggling to think of ways the show could have handled the cult thing, I am aware that maybe I'm accidentally saying stuff that is kind of bad faith but this is my truth. I feel like TOH wasn't good at villains and it sure as hell didn't write cults well

[rosenotactuallyquartz]

love like you & rose’s love for pearl

i love relating love like you to pearlrose. particularly, from rose’s perspective. here is how i’ve always looked at it.

the war

do it for her + love like you are exactly how pearl and rose felt about each other during the rebellion.

“You have nothing but the way you feel, your strategy and a sword, you just think about the life you'll have together after the war.”

“If I could begin to be half of what you think of me, I could do about anything! I could even learn how to love… like you!” 

“Deep down, you know you weren't built for fighting but that doesn't mean you’re not prepared to try!”

“I always thought I might be bad… now, I’m sure that it’s true ‘cause… I think you’re so good! And I’m nothing like you!”

“And then you do it for her. That's how you know you can win.”

“Look at you go, I just adore you, I wish that I knew what makes you think I’m so special.”

[Image description: Pearl’s blue hologram of Rose is depicted in this image as she reenacts a memory. She wears a dress with a star emblem at the chest, and she looks down, her expression appears to be one of concern. The background is a soft purple.]

a single pale rose

remember the night that they escaped from the other diamonds ?

“When I see the way you act, wondering when I'm coming back, I could do about anything.”

“When I see the way you look, shaken by how long it took, I could do about anything… I could even learn how to love like you.”

to fake pink’s shattering, she obviously vanished for a moment. in a single pale rose, we see a shapeshifted pearl crying and holding the diamond in her hand.

eventually rose came back, then, you know, “endless honeymoon” as rebecca described it. rebecca continues this in the book “end of an era” by adding, “pink is gone and pearl is free to love rose.”

meanwhile, rose saw how much pearl cared about her that night. she admired her so much–her courage, how much she meant to her because she definitely saw someone who was shaken and wondering when she was coming back after she reformed as rose.

[Image Description: this image depicts a pink flower in Pink Diamond’s palm. She wears a pink glove and there is dirt underneath the flower. Pearl’s hand is taking the flower from Pink]

after rose’s death

the final line of the song is: “love ME like you…”

i like to interpret this as the… truth, really. rose loved pearl more than pearl knew. sapphire had to remind her that she swept her off her feet.

rose loved pearl just as intensely, just as strongly and deeply as pearl loves rose.

rose could love pearl the way pearl loves her.

… but she could never love herself.

pearl knew rose the best. she lived with pink and then she lived with rose for the rest of rose’s life.

the only other individual who knows rose entirely like that… is rose herself. and yet, she hated herself.

“Her lack of respect for herself makes it impossible for her to respect everyone closest to her. She reveres them instead, because they are better than she could ever be, and that reverence is so honest and intoxicating that it draws everyone closer to her, without them understanding the deep self-hatred that pull is coming from.” — Rebecca Sugar, End of an Era, page 88.

meanwhile, there’s:

Interviewer: “Pearl obviously has some unrequited love for Rose, you know, and…”

Rebecca: “I don’t know if I would call it unrequited!” — Comic News Insider Episode 679

and there’s:

“Rose falls in love with Pearl's surprising boldness that comes out of left field.” — Steven Universe: End of an Era, Page 86

all of the flashbacks with rose are told to her son from the perspectives of others. they were either from the perspectives of people who didn’t know pearl or pearl / rose very well. sometimes, pearl would tell a story, but the focus was on how much she loved rose. there are also a few times in the show where her friends remind her that rose loved her a lot more than she knew.

if you think about love like you from rose’s perspective, the ending is meaningful.

the story didn’t end because she couldn’t feel the same love for pearl. the story ended because she couldn’t love herself. it was never about choosing anyone, if anything, she chose steven. pearl’s protectiveness, garnet’s wisdom, amethyst’s playfulness, and greg’s kindness made rose believe that her child would grow up in such a wonderful environment and she was “so excited for everyone who’s going to know [her child].” she didn’t realize that her death would hurt people, she thought they would be better off without her. and besides, she didn’t want to live with herself.

pearl barely knew that rose did love like her !! she was in awe of her; she would blush and show vulnerable parts of herself and smile all the time around her.

the problem is, she never loved like pearl in a way that she could see herself through pearl’s eyes. if she could, then maybe she would have been able to love herself.

[Image description: The Crystal Temple, a gray stone statue of a fusion between Pearl, Rose Quartz, Amethyst, and Garnet with long curls and four arms. In front of the statue, at the bottom, is a house. In front of the house is a sandy road leading to a beach, and the background is a soft purple sunset.]

[lbulldesigns]

My Jinx and Sevika Season 2 Theory.

So before the season 2 trailer dropped, we got this picture from Sevika's VA.

Which was our first look at Sevika for season 2. However, Sevika looks wildly different from what we see in the trailer; so the question is, how does Sevika get from this...

To this?

Get comfy this is gonna be a long one.

So from what we perceive from the trailer, there is a possibility of Sevika and Jinx teaming up, this is mainly theorized because Sevika used both Jinx's pistol and has an augmented arm clearly designed by her. I believe that their teaming up is a high possibility because Sevika has always put her bet behind the winning horse.

She used to be loyal to Vander, I'm guessing when he was still the Hound of The Underground and had a righteous anger towards Piltover, but lost faith in him when he became complacent with the Enforcer's mistreatment.

She then teams up with Silco, and even sacrifices an arm for him because he was showing more initiative and actually acting out on his promise to liberate Zaun from Piltover.

And even though we see her continuing to be loyal to Silco, there are hints of discontent with her in some of his decisions. Mainly his inability to see Jinx as a liability and continuing to place her on a high pedestal.

We are led to believe that she has an undying loyalty to Silco because she turns down Finn's offer and willingly kills him, but when Silco asks if she was tempted she says "Not for a worm like him. But he won't be the last".

Many people translate this as her being loyal to Silco but what she's really saying is that she's loyal to him as long as he's willing to follow through on his promise to free Zaun.

So I'm inclined to believe that she won't hold Silco's death against Jinx, she'll be angry of course however once she sees Jinx is not just willing to go to war but lead the march, she'll put her bet behind the winning horse once again.

As much as she views Jinx as a liability, she also knows her strengths and her abilities. I am fully under the belief that Sevika doesn't hate Jinx, she's just frustrated with her as she can see Jinx as a troubled teenage girl who has a severe mental illness. She doesn't treat Jinx with kiddie gloves, she's honest with her and harsh; which doesn't make her Jinx's favorite person but out of everyone in her life Sevika is the only one who is brutally honest with her, and someone like Jinx who despises liars, Sevika's honesty (even if she doesn't want to hear it a lot of the time) is a constant that Jinx can appreciate.

This breeds credence to the theory that the two will team up in season 2.

Another thing noticed and speculated in the trailer is that the two are fighting against someone in an ally way, however, I have to disagree about the location of said fight.

We know that Jinx and Vi's fight is going to be in the ruins of an ancient-looking temple, considering Zaun's history of being colonized by ancient Shurimans, I believe that this temple is a relic from the Shurimans and fully believe that it's a temple dedicated to Janna.

The temple is full of fog, you can see it moving around during the fight between the sisters, and we see Sevika emerge from it like a badass with Jinx's pistol raised.

Now this is where my theory finally comes in.

During Jinx and Vi's fight, Caitlyn (who is hiding amongst the pillars hidden in the shadow and fog) gets caught, yet again, in one of Jinx's bombs. But I believe that Jinx purposely designed these bombs to be non-lethal, she may be furious with Vi but she doesn't want to kill her. Something in Caitlyn will snap and she'll abandon the notion of bringing Jinx in alive will give into her want for vengeance, and will shoot to kill Jinx. Just as she shoots at Jinx, Sevika will shoot at Caitlyn. Vi will see Caitlyn in danger and rush to protect her, and Jinx will be distracted and not see Caitlyn's bullet until it's too late.

Whilst Sevika is fighting off the Enforcers trying to get to Jinx and Vi is worrying over Caitlyn, Jinx will be lying there dying.

This is where it gets maybe a little far-fetched, but bear with me.

Janna, in the Star Guardians universe, recruits Jinx because she sees good in Jinx and wants to give her a chance to be a hero and protector. In Arcane I reckon Janna has been an invisible spectator for however long watching her people slowly die over the years, she doesn't have the strength to help them because people have stopped praying to her.

There's a significant reason why the producers have the sisters fight in this location, and I theorize that the reason is that this is how they plan to introduce a new region to Arcane.

So as Jinx lies dying, going over everything in her life and maybe she wishes that she could've freed Zaun that she could have another chance to complete her mission, and Janna hears her wish.

And drawing power from the multiple hex gems in her vacinity, uses all her strength to teleport Jinx away. Sevika seeing that something is happening to Jinx jumps in to save her, much like what she did with Silco at the cannery; and both of them get yeeted away from the scene.

All Vi and the rest of the Enforcers will see is that another explosion went off and both Jinx and Sevika were just obliterated. Vi will see her sister's blood on the ground and realize that Cailtyn shot her sister and the weight of what just happened would come crashing down on her and she'll walk away from everything.

I know this all sounds like a stretch, but my main motivation for thinking about all this is what Sevika is wearing in the picture at the start of this essay.

She's wearing her signature Ponto, but the design of it looks like something worn in a desert environment; her clothes look Shuriman, the spikes on her right shoulder look like Shuriman accessories and the way she wears her hair looks like she's trying to shield as much as her face as she can from the hot sun.

I don't know where the theory will go from here, but I think Jinx will get the healing she needs in Shurima and both of them will find allies before heading back to their home to liberate it.

This would have a role reversal for the sisters, with Vi being the one struggling to find her footing and crashing hard whilst hallucinating her loved ones as demons; and Jinx will be the returning daughter to a new Zaun but unlike Vi will be anticipating this change and will have a clearer goal, and zero inclination to look for her sister.

Sorry this was so long, but I had to get this brain rot out of my head.

[solisaureus]

i honestly think that part of the reason that Pride Discourse is so nauseating is that modern queer internet culture is so obsessed with labels and in-groups and gatekeeping that any acknowledgment that queer people of different identities could have anything in common makes people break out in hives. Why does it bother you so much when we see ourselves in each other’s stories? why isn’t that common ground beautiful to you? what if i told you that the differences between us are an illusion, so arbitrary and fluid that the idea that we should be at each others throats fighting over who gets to lay claim to what symbols is not only pathetic but tragic also? we are all fighting shoulder to shoulder against the cisnormative heteropatriarchy. they hate us all. a bigot will call a bisexual woman a faggot — he doesn’t care about her identity, he just wants her to know he hates her. so why can’t we unite with one another in love without fracturing ourselves over labels and specifics?

[lilacxquartz]

Those Late Summer Nights | Chapter 13

Satoru Gojo × Fem!Reader × Suguru Geto

ABOUT: You moved to Tokyo over the summer to take a teaching job. As you get settled in, you find yourself entangled in a toxic dynamic.

CHAPTER SUMMARY: Following a certain suspicion confirming Suguru’s hunches, he finally learned the full truth of what happened to you back in your hometown.

TRIGGER WARNING: Upsetting scenes as bullying is referenced as a memory

Previous Chapter.

13. Locker Rooms

The next couple of days felt equally numb and confusing as you processed exactly what was going on between you and Suguru, especially as he didn’t really let you leave to go back home just yet.

The truth was that he was waiting for the perfect moment to confirm something. He also wanted to train you a little before letting you go back as he wanted you to be stronger sooner than later.

“Feel free to update people that you’re okay now,” he said, giving you back your phone that he took from you earlier.

You did so almost immediately, finding that your phone was actually blown up for once. You were used to disappearing for days at a time back when you lived in the town, but this didn’t carry on so well with the people you were so quickly intertwined with.

And it has only been a couple of months as well.

The fact that this happened so quickly was messing up your entire mind.

Shoko initially kept things brief, telling you not to do anything stupid because she didn’t want to put you back together if she could help it. Her next couple of messages however were asking you if you’re alive even, if you’re doing okay.

You texted her back first, saying that you just needed some time to be alone and that you were fine.

She was smart though, you knew she wouldn’t buy it.

Satoru, otherwise, was the one who spammed the most. There were some missed calls, a lot of messages too. Some of what he sent didn’t make a whole of sense as you couldn’t quite figure out the context.

You responded to him using the same exact response that you sent out to Shoko as it seemed like a safer option.

You were technically thinking for the last couple of days. On and off about everything that was going on. It’s just you were also going through a little bit more beyond that point as well.

It’s not like you could disclose what had happened either, not wanting to bring any more attention to yourself.

Suguru saw whatever was happening to you as a step in the right direction as you weren’t actually trying to leave. The fact that you listened to him and went along with his ideas was all that he wanted.

(Despite this whole thing actually being bad for you.)

Satoru swung by his place some time later on, something that Suguru had in fact anticipated. He gave you your phone back for a reason after withholding it because he wanted to test something out, not because he was needlessly controlling.

He did let you accuse him of that though, thinking it’d be easier to explain than what he was actually doing.

Besides, you were well within your rights to hate him currently, so he also didn’t really fight it.

You stayed in his bed as you messed around on your phone; the door partially concealing you just enough for Satoru to see a familiar person beyond the door.

Satoru was admittedly surprised to find you there, but he didn’t allow himself to show it. He wanted to ask why you were there, because Suguru never had anyone over. He’d always been the type to either go to someone else’s place while not allowing anyone inside.

So why were you there…?

Suguru studied Satoru’s mannerisms and reactions as he pieced everything together. He shouldn’t have doubted his hunch from the start because certain suspicions were already clear, evident to even how his friend’s knuckles were bandaged and how he was acting slightly erratic.

However, Suguru wasn’t going to do anything or say anything just yet. He was going to act like he doesn’t know a single thing unless Satoru would start crumbling by himself otherwise.

As for you; he knew that you wouldn’t say anything to anyone because as it stands, he managed to break you just a little. Or a lot. He still felt huge amounts of guilt for what he did, but the jealousy was finally beginning to subside now that he had you right where he wanted you to be and he wasn’t planning ever let you go.

“Is that [name]?” Satoru asked. You could hear them both talk through the door.

“Yeah,” Suguru replied in a casual manner as he acknowledged his friend, “guess she wanted to be a bit further away than where it happened.”

“Thought she’d be at the campus,” Satoru speculated.

“Yeah, but that’s away from everyone else,” Suguru pointed out, “still wanted some familiarity, you know?”

Satoru didn’t like that implication. It still didn’t make a whole lot of sense to him and despite knowing that he shouldn’t have acted out that way back in the alley, he now felt something strange brewing away. Initially he was going to make it up to you but now he felt entitled to something he couldn’t have.

Something that Suguru now had instead.

Or at least it seemed that way to him.

So maybe he would give into a thought he’d been tempting this whole summer and do something he shouldn’t, just so he could get a taste too. He didn’t understand why for once, Suguru wasn’t willing to share someone with him.

(Unless Suguru was actually taking things seriously with you?)

You could feel a strained silence brew between the two of them as neither replied for a good amount of time. Not having a faint clue of what was going on in either of their heads. It was too confusing of a time to think properly, after all.

“Right,” Satoru concluded, his tone not quite convinced but he quickly changed it up to something happier once again, as if to cast the illusion that he didn’t care a single bit. “Wanna hang out tonight though?”

“Could,” Suguru said in response to maintain the delusion; you could hear some quieter conversation happen between the two of them before something was decided, “one sec, though.”

Suguru broke away from Satoru, closing the door momentarily. He then slipped back into the bedroom for a second to grab his wallet off of the nightstand and as he did so, he stared at you for a moment.

“You can use the rest of the apartment,” he told you as if setting up some ground rules, “just avoid the door opposite the bathroom, that room belongs to the girls but they’re away for the summer.”

The girls? Oh, that’s right. Shoko did mention that he was responsible for a pair of younger girls that he took from a bad situation. She never really elaborated, but it was clear that he was a guardian or maybe even dad to them.

You nodded as you had no interest in invading their privacy anyway.

“I won’t,” you replied in a soft voice.

“Good,” he replied, seeming much more at ease knowing that you would be in his home as opposed to anywhere else. You’d be safe here. “I’ll be back later tonight and we can begin the training tomorrow.”

You nodded along again, feeling somewhat nervous about the prospect. You didn’t say goodbye to him as he left, but he did so.

As far as you understood from everyone else, including him, Suguru was a good fighter and that he was strong when it came to things like hand to hand combat and the like.

Still, there was just something about the way he worded it.

It didn’t seem as though you were going to learn how to just defend yourself, but how to hurt people on purpose.

And that simply didn’t sit quite right with you.

***

When Suguru came back, he seemed to be in a slightly different way than before, as if almost agitated. Such an abrupt change in his personality left you wondering what exactly happened, but you also didn’t want to push his buttons knowing exactly what he does when aggravated.

It was quite late when he came back as well, so he returned to the sight of you laying on his sofa, watching some reruns of some old show.

He sat down beside you, lifting your head over his thighs so that you could instead rest on top of his lap. He smelled how he usually did; stale cigarettes and sweat clinging to skin, the consequence of a humid summer.

You never said anything to greet him even though you were wide awake but then again, he never said anything back either.

In utter silence, his hand crept to your hair and he passively played with it. The lack of words exchanged casted an eerie atmosphere as you could hear the wet smack of his lips parting on and off as if he wanted to say something, but kept holding himself back.

After a while though, he finally managed to speak again. His throat clearing as a deep exhale left him at last.

“[name]?” he asked, trying to be kind with you in the way that he addressed you.

You hummed in a questioning tone, feeling a little sleepy as you laid there.

“I know you probably don’t want to,” he started off, his fingers tightening around your scalp just a little tighter as he paused, “but can you tell me exactly what that other thing your bully did? You never finished explaining because you were too drunk.”

You paused as you suddenly felt unwell again and as a result felt unsure as to how exactly to go about this.

You remembered that one defining night at the bar quite well and it was very likely that you got as quickly close to that particular group of people because all four of you were damaged to an extent.

It was quick, it was toxic, it was exhausting.

It got you into a situation you didn’t like as a result.

You really didn’t want to share, but there was something about the way he asked it and how he held onto you, that it felt as though it was a personal matter for him too.

“Why?” you asked.

“There’s just something I want to understand,” he replied, “but if you don’t want to say, then I won’t force you.”

He didn’t rush you to reply, trying to figure out if you would do it by yourself. He wasn’t going to force you just as he promised, even though he was so damn curious.

In his mind, he didn’t really get why you were being so passive. He almost wanted for you to scream at him, to call him out for the way he was acting. Not that he could blame you for it, but he wanted to understand if something in particular might have happened in the past that made you a certain way.

“Um,” your voice croaked after a while, a lot of your words were stuck in your throat and you couldn’t figure out how to start but you entertained the whole request anyway, “it had been the final week at school and she, Yui, figured out I was in the process of transferring because it was a small town and a small school.”

“I’m listening,” he said, resuming a gentler motion on your head, he didn’t want to pressure you—not like this anyway, “you can take your time if it’s difficult.”

You did just that. It was easier to say everything back when you had a drink in your hand but you were starkly sober now in a situation you didn’t anticipate being in.

“I guess she took it personally, maybe thinking I was transferring because of her at the time,” you continued, “I was simply going to go to another type of school, the uh, jujutsu school, but it wasn’t something that I could exactly explain to others, so I just called it an alternative school or something like that.”

He nodded along, trying to sink further back into the sofa as he pulled you a little closer up to him.

“It was a Friday from what I remember, because there was no school the next day and I stayed behind a little longer as I slowly gathered things like my old workbooks and things from the home room.”

It was funny in a way with just how much you could remember, it was so strikingly clear and you were reciting it as though it had happened just yesterday ago.

You wondered if Yui could remember it just as clearly too. If she even felt guilty at all.

Was that a silly thought to have?

Of course she probably didn’t feel a single thing at all.

“She stopped me just as I was leaving the school grounds, her other friends held the other exits for her so that I had nowhere to go… so her boyfriend at the time walked me over to the locker rooms where she was waiting.”

This next part was going to be awkward to explain, so maybe it was for the best that you never explained it to the group. It did leave you wondering if even Satoru would have acted differently to you had he known, if he would have been less pushy, if he would have treated Yui so lightly when he was in town with you.

“The locker rooms to the gym wing all had adjacent showers and we often used them after using the pool,” you explained, you weren’t quite so sure why you were being so calm to someone who equally hurt you back, but you continued anyway, “they turned on all of the showers to the hottest setting, letting the steam fill the room as it quickly became uncomfortably warm, almost like a sauna.”

Suguru in the meantime was wondering where exactly this was going. He felt more guilt rise within him as he tried to figure out if something was done to you or not.

“Her boyfriend’s dad was a police officer, so I guess she convinced him to steal a pair of handcuffs. He held me down as she cuffed me to the pipes near the shower,” you continued, remembering just how scalding hot those things were when you accidentally touched them. “T-the pipes were hot, but thankfully they didn’t leave a permanent mark. It just felt… raw for a while.”

That got an involuntary reaction from Suguru as he tensed up, the tugging on your hair hurting a little causing him to mutter a curt apology as he realised what he did.

Continuing after a brief moment of silence, you shared the next part a lot more reluctantly, “Her boyfriend also kind of um, touched me… felt me up… while she was out of the room briefly, so when she uh, came back and saw him doing that, I got the blame and…”

He pulled back, having a question in mind but he waited for you to finish.

“She attacked me as a result… like, she punched me and my head hit the tiles—I wasn’t sure if that part was intentional though, because she pulled back after,” you continued, “she specifically said the words, ‘I’ll mess up your face so nobody can ever look at you like that again,’ but luckily I guess it didn’t scar physically in the end, just mentally…”

“Sorry, but how old were you?” he finally asked the question that he had in mind.

“We were both 14, or maybe she was 15. Her boyfriend was about 16.”

“The fuck,” he replied, his eyebrows furrowing while his face adopted a conflicted expression.

Another silence brewed as he processed this.

“Sorry, you can continue,” he said after about a minute.

“She never gave me a reason at the time, so I had no idea why this whole thing was happening,” you continued to explain, still being unsure why she went so far, “she took my shirt off and put it over my head so that it quickly became unbearably hot as the time went on, I was pretty much left in there for the remainder of the night.”

“…As the showers were running?”

“Those turned off after a while, actually. I’m not sure why,” you replied.

“But you were still left there overnight…?”

“Y-Yeah,” you hesitated as you continued to explain, “I mean they all left after and I was left alone in the room overnight. Even if the hot water cooled down over time, that wasn’t the problem.”

“It was the fact that you were soaked and unable to do anything about it, right? While having a head injury?” Suguru quickly caught on. You might have genuinely gotten hypothermia from that whole thing in addition to being beaten up which meant that it wasn’t even bullying at that point, but rather an attempt on your life.

“Y-yeah…” you replied. “The school still had maintenance staff oversee the grounds even when the days were off for the teachers and the students, so I was still found reasonably quickly.”

He stayed quiet as he settled on a decision in his mind. He felt it for a while… even before you, but he was slowly starting to hate humanity. He didn’t want to protect people anymore.

As a result, his grip on your head tightened. Not out of possession, but out of anger. He didn’t mean to hurt you though, so he kept himself restrained. Just barely.

“The rest of that day was a blur for me; they called in firefighters to help get me out of the cuffs and an ambulance to come treat me, the police were involved at some point too.”

You stopped explaining things for a moment, needing to take a break before continuing.

“I was in a really bad shape after,” you added, sounding a little defeated.

“Did anything happen to her for doing this to you?” his voice cracked a little. He didn’t care how he sounded.

“Not at all,” you scoffed a little, feeling some tears form. You couldn’t help it, it was a tough memory to recite, “her family used their influence and connections to sweep this whole thing to the side so it never blew up more than it should have.”

“So, let me get this straight,” Suguru spoke up again, pausing as he processed every single detail, “they got off free for inflicting actual torture?”

“Her boyfriend took the hit, her two other friends did too. Yui however walked away without consequence, but to my knowledge, she never did anything like that to anyone ever again.”

“Huh,” he replied, unsure how to actually proceed. He expected something bad, but this was beyond anything he could have imagined.

There was a long and uncomfortable silence after that and the entire time, Suguru was planning something else now. His hold finally relaxed on you as he came to a decisive conclusion, something clicking internally as he understood exactly what he wanted to do.

“You probably won’t like this either,” he spoke up after what felt like minutes, “but I’d like to go to your hometown before the summer break ends.”

“W-why?” you asked. You just spent so long talking about your unfortunate time there and he wanted to go there? Why…? Besides, if Satoru hated it for being boring, then Suguru especially would go insane.

“There’s something I’d like to do,” he simply said, remembering something important.

“Do what…?” you asked.

“Don’t worry about it for now,” he assured you, switching the television off as he fumbled with the remote.

He laid back on the sofa with you on his lap, staring straight ahead into the dark. He wasn’t going to sleep, even if he did feel your body twitch after some time and your breathing turn much more laboured.

He was going to keep up his promise, he decided.

He was going to keep you safe from everything else, no matter what it took.

Somebody at some point hurt you and to his understanding, they never got a punishment.

That much was going to change.

(Even if it meant killing for you.)

[bluecrocss]

ANY BLACK PJO FANS OUT THERE?

Tbh, the greater fandom has been unbelievably draining lately. I feel like I'm fighting for my life just with all the rising anti-blackness. I get that we're supposed to act all impervious on the internet. All sardonic and above it all, like nothing gets to you. But call me a snowflake or whatever, I kinda need a safe space rn.

We've been reading these books just as long as any other fans, without any meaningful rep until HOO, and now these new fans are acting like we don't belong... like we just got here... like we have to prove we earned a spot.

I had no problem seeing myself in Annabeth, even when I thought she was a blonde, white girl; but now that she's black in the show (still the EXACT same character), they can no longer "see themselves in her"? Sometimes, I forget that they fr see us as subhuman...

And you can't even reason with them because as long as they're not dropping the N-bomb they think they're not racist:

"I'm not racist" "I just hate this woke shit" "don't pull the race card" "I just want book accuracy" (but they only take issue with the black actors. Not the other POC actors or the white actors who are also not book accurate) "give other poc a shot, why do only black people get the roles?" (while only referring to the 1 or 2 characters that have been fancast as black, and none of the many, many white ones). It's intentional.

But yeah, with all the horrible things happening in the world, especially to BIPOC, it's so draining to look for an escape in what was supposed to be a harmless childhood fantasy and see all the worst parts of people reflected here too. And even the author that they love so much isn't enough to deter them. They hold on to their hate and bigotry with an iron grip, because it matters more for them to exclude us than to enjoy the series they claim to love.

So idk... if you're a black pjo fan, feel free to use this post. Share your thoughts about the world, about the books, about the fandom, your favorite character, your favorite fan theories, your thoughts on the show, whatever you like. I'll block and delete anyone outside of us that tries to butt in with their input ❤️

[baked-potatoes-rule]

The Yellowjackets playing The Sims

Jackie : She loves building her own house! She takes time to make it as perfect and as fancy as her starter budget allows her too(not really, she uses cheat codes so she can buy all the expensive crap). After she's done building, she plays for a bit but gets bored pretty soon, so she just starts over again! She loves playing "House" with Shauna and she always makes her be the mom.

Shauna : She loves building her own house as well. However, Shauna plans the build and budget's properly. She doesn't use cheat codes. She settles for humble beginnings. She always builds a little library corner and she makes her Sim sit there and read while she's too busy dissociating while thinking of...stuff(Jackie...Jackie is said stuff). They sometimes play together because Jackie insists it will be fun. Shauna likes to pretend she finds it annoying but she secretly LOVES it. That's until their respective Sims have a baby, Jackie's Sim starts spending way too much time outside their house( she's supposed to get a job but for some reason she's always late for it? she never makes it). Shauna's stuck at home, rushing around for the baby, cleaning after annoying guests and she also has to cook. Their house is often on fire and eventually Shauna doesn't even bother after things get out of control. Their expensive oven is burning, the bathroom is a mess, the baby is on the floor, crying and she's absolutely at her wits end. "Jackie you need to pitch in...I can't do everything by myself." Deadbeat dad Sims award goes to Jackie.

Misty : Misty loves the game. She plays by herself mostly, she finds it peaceful. She loves it when guests come to visit her Sim but she sometimes gets annoyed when they won't leave. She secretly wishes she could build a basement and torture them to death there.

Natalie : Natalie isn't much of a Sims girl but when she does play, she doesn't take it seriously. She does her best to make her Sims's life awful, by letting them pee themselves, not showering, not cleaning after they eat, removes the ladders from the pool, and doesn't bother to use the fire extinguisher. She fucking hates guests. "Who even shows up unannounced? Opening people's fridges and shit 🙄"

Tai&Van : These two ALWAYS play together. In fact if Van plays without Tai being there, they are guaranteed to have a fight. "We're in this together. It's OUR quality time gaming thing!" She sucks at the game and Van always has to explain to her what to press and what to do. It's as if she doesn't even bother remembering at first. Until she learns. One day Van finds her playing by herself. "The fuck?" Tai : I'm practising my skills."

Lottie : She uninstalled the game and decided to never play again after spending 32 hours in front of her screen, completely forgetting the outside world exists.

[chronicsyd]

the way i gotta be defending Caitlyn and Vi out here sometimes is Fucking Ridiculous! and the culprits bashing them are almost Always Jinx stans with ABSOLUTELY ZERO MEDIA LITERACY SKILLS to the point where I question if you even paid attention to what the show was Trying to tell you.

For Example:

NO, Caitlyn did not "brainwash" Vi; Caitlyn saved Vi's ass by letting her out of Stillwater in the First place, stays with her after being stabbed and traded her (probably) custom made rifle for the ailment to save Vi's life because she's a good person. Any other Enforcer would have probably left Vi to bleed to death for running off in the first place (if any other Enforcer were crazy enough to let Vi's ass out of Stillwater to begin with) Vi likes Caitlyn because she's good natured despite growing up with literally All the privilege in the world

With her marksman skills, Caitlyn could have Easily put a bullet in Sevika's head, but she doesn't. she aims for the shimmer device powering her arm, using a non-lethal way of taking her out (unlike a certain Other blue haired fanatic)

Caitlyn wants the cycle of violence to stop. she makes her objectives Very clear: Locate Jinx, Dismantle Shimmer, Neutralize anyone still loyal to Silco. with the grief over her mom she could have said she wanted to kill Jinx, but she doesn't. Neutralizing people still loyal to Silco, who mind you are still HORRIBLE people who, Like Silco have taken advantage of struggling people for power. and by dismantling Shimmer she's actually helping Zaun to recover from SILCO'S oppression and exploitation of them (remember people like Husk? the Children in Silco's shimmer facilities?).

NO Caitlyn did not maliciously interrupt Vi and Jinx's reunion in episode 6. Yes she and Vi did see the blue smoke but it's Very evident that Vi didn't tell Caitlyn what the hell it meant and just took off, and because she's faster than Caitlyn, Caitlyn spent the minute (or longer) of Vi and Jinx's reunion just catching up to her. she only looks up and see's the pair when she runs up the steps and stops, but Jinx had already heard her at that point and looked over, not giving Caitlyn enough time to make herself scarce before pulling out her machine gun. Vi Also didn't tell Caitlyn that Jinx works for Silco, despite having known that fact since her fight with Sevika.

Caitlyn didn't Force Ekko into agreeing with her. She even Says, "You'd be well within your rights to keep it, I wouldn't blame you." She offers a perspective that could help Both Piltover and the Undercity and Ekko trusts her on the condition that he's the one that gives the gemstone to the council (That is until Marcus and Jinx get in the way)

Caitlyn Tries to go about getting peace diplomatically, she doesn't manipulate the councilors into doing anything (despite them all being manipulative assholes themselves)

Manipulate: "control or influence (a person or situation) cleverly, unfairly, or unscrupulously." JINX is the one that does this when she kidnaps Caitlyn and Vi and forces Vi to shoot Caitlyn.

Caitlyn did not choose to be born into her family's power and wealth, and that's not something you can blame her for. was she ignorant to what people in the undercity have faced? Yes but that's because she's been cooped up her entire life, surround by people with prejudice towards the Undercity and never set foot into the undercity until she was with Vi, you can't blame her for that either.

Vi was a 15 year old CHILD who saw her adoptive family die right in front of her eyes. she was exhausted and overwhelmed by her situation. and her younger sister (who she had told to stay) had said she was basically responsible for it, Vi's known to lash out when she's upset and angry. and when her brain catches up to what she did, she's horrified and leaves to calm down and not to do Anything else drastic. but when she tries to go back when Silco shows up, Marucs kidnaps her. hating Vi for this is stupid.

"Vi runs back to Caitlyn when she left to go find her sister!" Vi heard a Gunshot and saw that Caitlyn was being held at Gunpoint. Vi had NO IDEA that Jinx was even watching the entire interaction go down, the shocked look in her eyes when she picks Caitlyn up off the ground is evidence enough of that.

NO Vi isn't selfish for not wanting to shoot Caitlyn. for one, being asked to shoot someone is ludicrous enough but Vi IS allowed to care about other people, which is why she proposes that the two leave as a substitute to what Jinx is asking of her. yes leave Cait behind, but she wouldn't be Dead (you'd think that Vi's seen Enough people she cares about in her life being dead but according to Jinx stans, Apparently Not!)

Being upset at Vi in S2 is Ludicrous because we have Zero context for Any of these scenes that we have gotten. we don't know Any of the specifics of her becoming an Enforcer, why she's saying "my sister is gone.", why she's fighting Jinx, ANY of it. Geez.

(See, this is why we need the "Why is the curtain blue?" discussions because apparently some of y'all don't know how to think. And No, I'm not just bashing Jinx's character, I actually really like Jinx's character but her fans are some of the most annoying people to interact with sometimes...)

[wolfinshipclothing]

Rewatching Avatar: the last Airbender (WITH MY MOM!)

Ok so i convinced my mom to watch ATLA with me. she's 68, but with the mind (and the looks mind you) of a 40y/o woman who loves cartoons, so it was quite the blast.

i'll go Book by Book and tell you guys her very amusing (and accurate) thoughts.

So here i go.

MY MOM WATCHES ATLA: BOOK I

-first coment is when she saw Zuko and it was like "ooh, he's hot!" and i was like "he's a teenager" and she was like "he's also not real" so point for her.

-IMMEDIATELY after learning the Avatar has to learn the four elements, she already knew Zuko was going to chance sides and teach Firebending to Aang.

-First episodes were a bit slow but she caught onto it because of the fantasy elements. she had a bit of a hard time picking the whole bending thing. not the bending itself, but the fact that not everyone who lives in the earth kingdom or wears green is an earthbender, but she catch it up quickly.

-she pointed out that Aang's airbending is not very consistent. "Why doesn't the Avatar just blow them away?! he did so in that other episode" and well, its kinda true.

-when it was Haru's episode i said "you're gonna like him". and when Haru showed up she was "ooooh i like him! not as much as the prince tho."

-"you realize its the brother (sokka) who things all the plans, right? he's the brains" she said, halfway through Book One. she's a smart one my mom.

-"when is the earth master going to appear?" "aang has to learn waterbending first" "well but he could appear!" "just wait, mom -.-"

-she is dumbfounded and amazed at the creatures of the Avatar World. "i don't know what the heck that is but is cute/ugly as fuck".

-"this girl Katara is gonna end up with the prince right? Fire and water, perfect match" oh mom. you're in for a dissapointment.

-in the fortune teller episode "but aang's too young for katara! he's twelve right? and she's, fifteen or something?" and i said "yeah, it was kind of a thing at the time" and she said "makes no sense. also, the Avatar is like a superhero. those people... belong to the world, you know? they cant be with anyone". she's pretty wise my mom.

-"I LIKE JET!" then Jet tries to kill the old man "i dont like Jet" then Jet tries to blow up the dam "i hate Jet."

-She thinks Uncle Iroh is the best, specially after he was kidnapping. "He sure knows how to fight" she said. "he's a bit of a goof chummy guy but he gives good advice" (remember this is still Book One).

-she was mindblowed by "the storm". "poor prince. no wonder he's always so mad. still, i like his scar. it looks like a flame."

and i was like "what?" and i realized that, yes, zuko scar sometimes looks like a flame when looked from the side. my mom had to point that out to me T.T.

-"WHY IS KATARA PRACTICING WITH THE WATER IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT-?! AND SHE SCREAMING TOO! SHE'S GONNA BE FOUND!" right you are, mom.

-after roku's episode "poor aang. he's gonna do all that, learn all the elements, fight that son of a bitch, and all that before summer? its too much" :(

-during Bato's episode "nah. nah, you can't do that Aang, come on." "he feels left out" "but that scrolls is important right? its about the guys father!" right she was. also she didn't stop laughing at Uncle Iroh flirting with the bounty hunter girl.

-she was having none of Master Pakku bullshit. when katara confronted him she was "hell yeah, show him whats good!" and when we found out master pakku was gran gran old 'boyfriend' "OH, now he's gonna teach her just because she's the grandaughter of his lost love. right. -.-" and i was laughing mad because dont we all know its the truth? XD

-when she saw the fire nation armada she was like "O.O HOW DO YOU EVEN BEAT THAT?"

-and when zuko ship exploded "noooooo! dont kill my princeee, he's so preety! :("

-she doesn't know why sokka felt in love so fast with Yue, and neither do I.

-she got repeatidely frustrated by Aang not taking serious the situations that should be serious, but she shrugged it as "he's twelve".

-at the end of the season, when we see Azula for the first time i told her "i cant BEGIN to tell you how long we had to wait to see how this turned out, because season two took forever to air (we live in latino america)". she was just as excited as i was and wanted to see more.

-as a personal note, i watched this series as a kid and its wild to rewatch it as an adult becase, like, you can apreaciate how well paced and well thought everything is, and how the characters actions NOW reflect what we will learn from them later.

All in all , my mom liked it Book I A LOT, and we waited little in watching book II.

its late so i'll talk more about the other books in other posts. let me know my thoughts so i can pass them onto my mom! :D