#also this is probably the last snippet for a minute because I’m getting into Big Scenes now and I don’t want to spoil EVERYTHING

[lunar-years]

ok happy wip wednesday everyone xxx I had a burst of inspiration today and now my unnamed rjk friends with benefits fic is at 22k words which means I'm giving you an extra-long sneak peak :)

Please enjoy this little snippety snippet:

The breakdown that had been building all day finally came once he sat down in his driver’s seat and realized, promptly, that he didn’t feel capable of putting the car into gear. Beyond that, driving home felt like a herculean effort, and once he got there he wouldn’t be able to turn on the telly, because it was still set to Sky Sports from the night before, and all the pundits were going to be talking about were him. He couldn’t log on to his socials, either, because the fans were all going to be talking about him, and not in the good way, and besides that he didn’t want to look at his mobile because his dad might’ve called, or might not’ve called, and Jamie didn’t even know which one was worse one way or the other anymore. He was out now for the next three matches. That were bad enough as it was. Add in that Roy might not even talk to him now, might go back to that terrible time when he'd refused to coach Jamie directly and make Nate or Beard do it instead, and things were a rightful misery. Jamie didn’t have any idea how to make it up to him. Roy being so adamant about not mixing work with whatever else they got up to, even his best apology blowjob wasn’t likely to suffice. He wondered, too tired to feel all that desperate about it, if this was the end of all of that, too. Roy probably wouldn’t want to fuck him again after such a display, and Jamie could hardly blame him. He shouldn’t feel such grief over it, honestly. Jamie had known from the beginning the sex was temporary. Just a bit of fun. And now he’d gone and botched even that, which was probably always something that was bound to happen, given that it was him. But just as well, there it was. It had happened now, and Jamie didn’t feel resigned to it like he was supposed to, he felt…hollow. Hurt.  That was his own fucking fault, too.  It was too much to think about. More than anything, he wanted to shut off his brain for even an hour. As that weren’t an option, he settled for the next best thing—hitting the steering wheel so hard it made his hand throb and then bursting promptly into tears about it, right there in the Richmond car park.  //

He didn’t know how long he sat there pathetically crying, but eventually there was a gentle knock on the window. Keeley. Jamie blinked twice just to confirm it was really her and not a hallucination, like them people who got stuck in the desert and then imagined springs of water just because they were so desperate for it. She smiled at him kindly through the window, looking solid enough, and then tapped it again with her finger and gestured for him to roll it down.  “What are you still doing here?” he asked as soon as he’d done so, swiping at his face and trying not to be deeply embarrassed at her finding him in such a state. Usually Keeley disappeared with Rebecca immediately after their matches, off for cocktails and gossip or whatever it was the two of them got up to. He'd never expected her to show up. Now, Keeley stared at him with big, soft eyes that made Jamie want immediately to start crying again. She didn’t answer him immediately. “Oh babe,” she whispered instead, bringing a handkerchief up to his face and swiping lightly at this cheeks. “Care if I join you?” Jamie nodded, flipping the lock. Keeley walked around the boot and rematerialized in the passenger side, immediately pulling him towards her over the centre console and stroking through his hair before he could even process it was happening, like she was his guardian fairy, or whatever.  Ridiculously, Jamie’s brain chose then to remember the time she’d called his car pavlovian. Couldn’t be in here without wanting to jump his bones. Well Keels, he thought, letting out a clipped laugh that sounded more like a choke and made Keeley's grip in his hair tighten, look how far we’ve come. There was decidedly nothing sexy about him getting snot all over her Richmond windbreaker as he sobbed into her shoulder, sometimes letting out that hysterical, barked laugh. He couldn't stop. Keeley's hair was frizzy-soft today, the ends tickling his neck where her ponytail draped over him, and the edge of the console was pressing into his side unpleasantly, but he didn’t want to move, either. He didn’t want her to go away.  “I was worried about you when you didn’t answer my six messages, love,” Keeley said softly, pressing her lips against his hairline. 

[steves-strapcollection]

here i have found some peace of mind [WIP Wednesday Snippet]

This is from my "Steve is a group housing coordinator (like I am irl) and Eddie is a rockstar who's coming to Steve's hotel except due to a typo and Eddie being an idiot, Steve thinks he's been talking to the tour manage, 'Chris Cunningham' the whole time" AU so yeah, Chris? Is Eddie. It's Eddie. He's dumb. Also, in this fic Steve is trans! It's just... important that y'all know that.

“Heya, Stevie! You kinda sound like shit, man.”

Steve laughed humourlessly, even as something loosened in his chest at hearing Chris’ voice. “Thank God someone knows how to use my actual name,” he blurted before he could stop himself.

There was a pause before Chris sternly said, “Of course. What sort of asshole doesn’t use your actual name if they know it?”

“You’d be surprised,” Steve said vaguely, minimizing his emails so he didn’t have to look at them while on the phone with Chris. “What’s up, Chris?”

“Honestly? I’m just kind of bored and I missed chatting with you yesterday,” Chris replied, and his tone was so sincere that Steve felt bad that he was in such a messed up mood. “I know you’re on the clock, but if you have time…?”

Steve tapped his pencil against his notebook as he considered. He was in a rotten mood, but he already felt himself settling back into his skin, feeling a lot less jagged and wrong just after a couple minutes listening to Chris’ voice. That was a bit scary to consider, given the nature of their relationship. This guy shouldn’t have that much power over Steve’s moods, yet he did.

Remembering Robin’s suggestion from the day before, Steve decided to try that.

“Listen, Chris, I’ve had a really shitty day and talking about myself would suck for you,” Steve started slowly, taking a deep breath. “Maybe you could tell me about you? It feels like I do most of the talking…”

There is another long pause. “I dunno, man, there isn’t much to say about myself…”

Steve’s stomach dropped at the deflection. So, did that mean the interest was just casual on Chris’ end? He didn’t want to open up because he was just looking for a quick fuck, nothing more? Steve lied to himself and decided he could live with that, probably.

“Okay, sure. I’ll have to talk to you some other time then,” Steve said, his voice going tight.

“Steve, wait, don’t hang up. I didn’t—there’s just not a lot to talk about that isn’t already all over the internet, y’know?” Chris laughed a bit and added very quietly, “like, I’m surprised we’re even still talking at all at this rate.”

Steve frowned at the last bit, and reconsidered his decision not to sleuth out who the band was. Was there some shady details surrounding Chris Cunningham or the band he was managing the tour for?

“Dude, you—I haven’t even looked up the band you’re managing. I have no idea who you or the band is,” Steve admitted, and the startled laugh he received brought a smile to his face. “Besides, why would I take what the internet says about you when I could get the real details directly from the source? Would you look at my socials and decide you knew me just based on that?”

Chris chuckled. “I mean, I have peeked at your socials, Steve,” he confessed and Steve felt his blush all the way down to his bellybutton. “I didn’t do much digging, I promise! I just—I’m very visual and wanted to put a face to your voice.”

“No, you’re all good, my public socials are, well, public for a reason,” Steve said with a laugh, chewing his lip a bit. “You, uh, like what you saw?”

Chris gave a quiet groan. “You’ve no idea, big boy,” he confessed softly, his voice deep and rumbling through the line, raising goosebumps up the back of Steve’s neck. Then Chris took a deep breath and asked, “okay, Stevie, what do you want to know about me?”

Everything, Steve almost said and he barely stopped himself. “You mentioned your uncle once. Can you tell me about him?” he said instead, and Chris’ laugh was beautiful.

“My Uncle Wayne, literally one of the best things to ever happen to me, honestly,” Chris sighed.

“Only one of the best things?” Steve questioned curiously.

“I mean, the band actually making it makes that list,” Chris laughed, then added, “getting to talk to you is on there, too.”

“Shut up,” Steve laughed, blushing at how genuine Chris managed to make that absolute line sound. “Okay, tell me about your uncle.”

The next couple weeks passed with daily phone calls from Chris where he vaguely talked about his life prior to the band taking off, about the band mates and their antics. He mentioned a YouTube channel briefly once, and Steve was tempted to find it but… he liked getting to know Chris without that crutch. Steve liked the mystery of not knowing what Chris looked like.

Steve was really smitten with the way Chris talked about the people in his life, the way his tone would turn so painfully affectionate that Steve could see the smile tugging at the corners of his lips. Did Chris have dimples? He hoped Chris had dimples. Steve was always a sucker for dimples. Steve couldn’t help but wonder if Chris told his friends about their conversations, and if Chris spoke about him with that same tone.

If Steve also became a bit more active and a bit sluttier on his socials knowing Chris was maybe monitoring them, that was his business.

Aaaaaand, the taglist! @thegingerrapunzel, @xenon-demon, @extra-transitional, @patchworkgargoyle, @mylilplanet, @inairbinad, @scarcrossdlvrs, @indigohightide, @steve-harringtits

[unorthodoxx-page]

Human Divorced Dad au snippet

Posting this here because I also posted it on my twitter.  This is a snippet of the Divorced dad au I’m working on.  It’s rough but this is a fluff scene.  The whole story will be in Draxums POV.  I’m planning for one really long chapter. Note: This will include human tots as well

(Twist in Fate)

Draxum leans against the van and takes another long drag of his cigarette and checks the time again.  Lou's looking for a fight if he’s not here in the next ten minutes.   A loud, obnoxious honk pulls his attention and he looks to see a beat-up SUV turning into the parking lot.  Draxum rolls his eyes and flicks the still-smoking cigarette away in irritation.  Finally.  The SUV pulls in dangerously close to him, but he doesn’t flinch.  Instead, Draxum rolls his eyes at the theatrics.

Lou jumps out of the car but doesn’t say anything.  Draxum takes in his flashy appearance.  He tries not to sneer at the form-fitting jeans paired with a tailored dress shirt that’s unbuttoned practically to the man's navel.  Typical.

“You’re late.”

Lou just gives him the finger and opens the back passenger door.  The screams of children fill the parking lot and Draxum feels his shoulders loosen at the sound.  The boys come out one by one in all their color-coded glory until the toddlers are lined up beside the SUV, all except one.  Lou carries the sleeping boy and slides the door closed with a kick.   Lou walks toward him with a scowl, “Purple’s sick.  His medicine is in the bag.”

“Donatello.” Draxum corrects but he’s already reaching out.

“Purple,”  Lou says.  He settles the boy into Draxums outstretched arms.  “Also, Orange is a dinosaur this week, and he’ll eat nothing but dino nuggets.”

Draxum glances down at the boy with a raised eyebrow.  Michelangelo stumbles forward on wobbly legs, his arms outstretched above him with fingers curling into dangerous claws.

“Rawr!”  

Draxum smiles.  “How fearsome.”

Lou turns back to the car with Leonardo stuck to his heels.  The little boy keeps a tight grip on the flair of Lou’s pants and a thumb in his mouth.  Draxum frowns, “Isn’t he too old to be doing that?”

Lou looks down at the kid.  “Blue is fine.  He does that when he’s scared.”

“‘M not scared!”

Lou opens the back of the van.  “Of course not Baby Blue.  Now be a big boy and take your bag.”

Lou places the blue monstrosity before the toddler, but Leonardo refuses to let go.  Instead, the boy lifts his arm and indicates the open space with a nod.  Lou sighs and sets the bag between Leonardo's elbow and chest and the boy squeezes it tightly so it doesn’t fall. 

Draxum watches Lou pull out three other colorful backpacks and adjusts the sleeping boy in his arms.  He listens to the hitched little breathes and feels the back of Donatello's neck.  He’s warm, but not dangerously so, probably just a cold.  He winces when a dull pain shoots up his leg.  He looks down to see Michelangelo gnawing at his leg.  “No biting Michelangelo.”

“Orange.”

“Are you going to keep calling them that to spite me?”

The trunk slams shut and Draxum curses.  He shouldn’t have said anything.  

“What should I call them, Draxum.”

It’s not a question.  Draxum's jaw clenches under Lou’s hard stare.  (add here)

He looks away, “Call them what you want.”

Lou snorts and goes to the front of the van.  He pulls out his phone and a folder.  “Here are their schedules for the week.  I will call every day to check and speak with them, and don’t let Purple convince you he gets a cookie for being sick.”

Draxum grabs the folder and tucks it under his arm.  The men stare at each other, neither willing to go beyond pleasantries.  Lou turns and sinks down to his knees.  “Alright, boys.  I’ll be back to pick you up Saturday.”  He looks to Raphael, “promise.”

The boys nod and Lou opens his arms.  “One last hug for your Dad!”

Michelangelo pulls his teeth from Draxum’s leg to throw himself into Lou’s embrace and the other two follow.  Lou pulls them in tight, before yelping, “Orange!  What have I said about the biting!”

“No bite!” The boy grins.

Lou smiles, face soft, before handing the boys their respective backpacks.  Michelangelo grabs his bag before stomping back towards Draxum.  The little boy makes his own sound effects and Draxum’s face warms.  “What dinosaur are you supposed to be again?”

Leonardo whines and pulls at Lou’s leg, “He doesn’t know dinos, Dad!”

[changelingsandothernonsense]

WIP Whenever the day of my week!

Friday today, Friday today! anyway tagged by both @mareenavee and @paraparadigm. This week I tore through writing and art so you get both again!

Art First. Two things! Linking images via background because I can! Rat 1 and 2.

I said not to give me ideas about dumb shit! :D

Now for the writing section. It's that pub brawl from the one-shot prompt. I just turned this playlist on loop. (It's not very PC so warning, loud and explicit if you listen to it...don't). This snippet is also kinda explicit so...But fuck Slitter. Under the cut for length purposes!

“Teldryn, what are you doing?” Sydari sounded apprehensive, he guessed she had every right to be.

“I’m just going to have a little talk with our lovely friend over there,” He smiled at her as he put his helmet and goggles back on, neglecting to secure them correctly. Too much of a hurry. Who cares. He reached to pull up his scarf but decided against it. He had agreed to this compromise, he got to keep the helmet and goggles on in public, so long as she could see some sort of facial expressions for five minutes. I still don’t understand why you indulge her? Not your problem though, is it?

He caught her gaze, she still looked apprehensive, her jaw taught. This he didn’t like. He had promised her that he’d stop doing this, but he just couldn’t leave this alone. Didn’t want to. So, he tried to reassure her instead, “Relax Miluth, I’ll only smack him around a little bit, I promise,” He took one last drink and winked at her not that she could see it, “Stay there, I promise this won’t take long. Then you can tell me exactly how bad that Companion was so that I can live vicariously through you.” He turned away from their secluded little table and approached the bar, stopping about a meter short of it. The room span slightly, he felt unsteady, perfect!

“Teldryn! Geldis can handle- “she called out, he chose to ignore her. Finally. Stop. He was beginning to itch; he didn’t like it. He did. He flexed the fingers on his right hand to relieve the tension. Let’s go! I’m ready.

“Oi Slitter! Get off him you ugly fuck!” The elf stilled. Rigid. He turned to face Teldryn, Geldis’ shirt still in his hand. He wasn’t exaggerating, Slitter was an unfortunate looking one! Half the man’s face was ruined by a poorly healed gash of a scar, Teldryn’s own handiwork, that stretched from the bottom of his left eye to the corner of his mouth. Long and thin. It was pulled into a particularly egregious scowl that caused the skin to pull and pucker on the affected side. Ok, fine! Teldryn had several scars that were far worse looking. Three, no four now, wasn’t it? Were even on his face, but they gave him character...probably. Maybe? He’ll keep telling himself that. He didn’t mind a little visual interest, but this wasn’t it. At least wash, gods!

“You two owe Mogrul coin, I’ve come to collect,” Bullshit! Neither he nor Geldis had ever engaged the so-called services of that loan shark and his lapping dog of a goon. No, Slitter was just being a shithead! Every so often, either this idiot or that big brute of an orc Slitter liked to scamper around got it in their collective skulls to harass either himself or Geldis over something insipid. Last Suns Dusk they insisted on some kind of protection money. Now it’s what? Loans? Geldis had more sense than to engage the two, Teldryn didn’t. Fuck pleasantries and compromise, he had a better idea!

“Hey, Slitter!” He called out, “Why don’t you come collect THIS!” He grabbed his crotch and thrust dramatically. Tease! That did it! Sneering, Slitter let go of Geldis and took a swing at Teldryn, which he just barely dodged, stumbling back several paces. Unsteady. You’re getting sloppy. No, I’m buzzing, it’s different. Is it?

“You watch your mouth s’wit!” Slitter spat. He hit the right nerve. Yes! Keep going? I’m having fun. Good! He grinned and bared his teeth so Slitter could see. He would keep taunting, “Watch my mouth or what? You’ll get your master to come get me! Oh, I’m so terrified!” Slitter clocked him in the jaw, he was just drunk enough to not feel it, though he grabbed the area anyway. Reflex? “Is that all you got? I barely felt that!” Tug. What was that?

“Teldryn! Stop it!” Fuck! Fuck! He felt another light tug on the sleeve of his shirt, he glanced to his side. She was there, as he expected. Dammit! He told her to stay put, “It’s fine Sydari”.

“It’s fine Sydari,” Slitter mimicked back, “You listen to everything your little mongrel whore says?” Slitter gestured to his own face his thin mouth twisting into a mocking grin, “Sero, you must have it bad if you’re showing that ugly mug in public! Does she dress you now too?” So, their table wasn’t that secluded after all, dammit! How dare he bring her into this! Oh, fuck him!

“You little bitch!” Teldryn spat, he kicked Slitter in the gut, sending the elf crashing to the ground. You stay down! Slitter struggled to his feet and spat on the floor. Disgusting! Someone is going to have to clean that!

“You’re gonna wish you never did that!” Slitter grunted, finding his bearings on the table behind him. This would be easy; the guy was pathetic. Weak. Teldryn was ready for another round. Tug. She was pulling on his armour now, “Teldryn! Leave it alone.” He shrugged her off again. He wanted to rearrange Slitter’s face!

“You’re gonna wish that you just shut up and sucked my dick you ugly fuck!” He dramatically gestured again with a thrust only to find himself hit with a sudden force. He crashed into the wooden table behind him, falling right through it. Oh, now this was getting interesting! Slitter was on him, he started swinging wildly. There was a glint of something metallic. Miss. Miss. Shoulder! Missed! Throw him off! Teldryn punched him in the jaw, then again in the ribs before kicking him off. Get up! Teldryn pulled himself up, his back hurt, and his shoulder stung…odd. He could hear Geldis shout something at him, Sydari screamed. He hated that.

Crack!

His nose stung, a torrent of blood pouring from his nostrils. He touched the bridge. Broken, again. Another crack and his helmet was knocked from his head. Had he forgotten to secure it? His hair fell in his eyes. Disorientated, dizzy. Watch! He found purchase on the back of a chair and looked up as Slitter swung the shattered ale bottle at his face. Teldryn grabbed his arm and twisted it, causing Slitter to drop the bottle. It shattered on the floor. Shouting again, but it all sounded muffled. Dizzy, he was dizzy. He headbutted the fucker in the face and felt Slitter’s nose crack from the force. One for one. Serves him right. He tasted blood. His goggles were cracked.

“Oh fuck!” Slitter yelled, holding his nose. Teldryn took the opportunity to gain the upper hand again and grabbed the chair he had been using to support himself. He slammed it over the other elf’s back. Slitter crumpled to the ground. Wait a few moments. Teldryn tried to catch his breath. His chest burned. He tasted blood. He spat it out. Gross. Someone was pulling at his face.

“Teldryn! That’s enough!” Sydari forced him to look at her. Anger? No, that was disappointment that played at her features. Watch out! Somehow that was worse. Pay attention! He promised her he’d stop this. Fuck! A pain seared through his hip. He watched as she fell backwards, had he pushed her? No, he was falling too. There were hands around his throat. Slitter punched him in the face. He’d been distracted. He tasted blood. He spat it in Slitter’s beady red eyes. Idiot! The hand around his throat tightened and he reached to claw at it, he smelt something burn. His head hurt. I’ll finish it!

Crack!

The struggling had stopped, he felt wet. The smell was acrid. It made him feel nauseous. He felt the weight that was on his chest disappear as he was dragged to his feet. Her eyes were amaranth. She slapped him in the face.

[buckactuallys]

uhh i want to know about prompt #37 and maybe pker or quarentine ?

prompt #37 is one more soft prompt that i’m working on, here’s a snippet:

Buck is pacing. He knows it’s stupid, knows it doesn’t make the minutes pass faster, but he braved the hellish drive to LAX and now he doesn’t have the patience to just stand here and stare at the board displaying the arrivals, waiting for the flight from ELP to switch from “On Approach” to “Arrived”.

He stops when it finally does, but then immediately starts pacing again. Eddie only traveled with hand luggage, but it’s still gonna be ages until he’s off the plane and stepping through the gates.

He’s glad no one here knows that it’s only been three days since he last saw Eddie, they’d probably call them co-dependent. But what they also don’t know is that Eddie kissed Buck for the first time right before he left for El Paso, and that Buck has been absolutely yearning to do it again since then.

poker fic: i started this one before we knew what the poker scene was about but then i got completely stuck. the premise is that eddie has a sex dream about buck (which starts out with them playing poker) and then can’t look him in the eye and is generally super awkward around him, until they eventually figure it out of course. maybe one day i’ll finish it as a funny little au

and the quarantine fic is a fic about buck, eddie, hen and chim quarantining at buck’s loft. it’s another one of those super old wips that i can’t fully let go of, especially because i still think we as a fandom haven’t used that situation enough yet skfjsk, but i don’t really know anymore where i wanted it to go after this:

It’ll be challenging, but by the time they get ready for bed, Buck is optimistic that they’ll get through a couple of weeks like this without major problems.

When he’s in bed watching Eddie slide under the covers in just his boxers and a t-shirt, he’s not so sure anymore all of a sudden. His bed suddenly doesn’t seem big enough for two grown men at all.

Eddie turns onto his side, facing Buck, so Buck does too.

“You okay?”

Eddie gives him a small smile. “Yeah. I miss Chris, but he’s safe with Abuela and that’s what matters.”

“It’s okay to be upset about the situation anyway. It sucks that you can’t be with your son.”

Eddie hums but clearly doesn’t want to get into it, so Buck doesn’t press. He’s very aware of Hen and Chimney on the couch below them, probably still awake too.

“It’s really nice of you to let us all stay with you,” Eddie says quietly. “You didn’t have to do that.”

“Couldn’t leave my friends hanging. Besides, don’t thank me too early - maybe Hen’s right and we’ll all end up hating each other.”

“I never said that!” Hen yells from downstairs. “And now sleep, you two are worse than my kids!”

[demetriandelibinaryboyfriends]

@ckfemslashnetwork

COBRA KAI SAPPHIC SUMMER WEEK 1 GOLDEN

***

HEY YALL

So uh. Remember that 10-minute All Too Well YasMoon fic that I’ve been teasing for well over a year now ???

WELL

LO AND BEHOLD!!! A few months ago, I started writing more than just lil ficlets and started creating this bad boy in FULL!!! So for cksapphicsummer, I’m posting a proper preview because a) fall color is a big thing here and it kinda accidentally fits the “Golden” prompt perfectly and b) god. I’m so proud of this funky little snippet. I’ve had so much fun working on this angstfic and I HAD to share my progress with someone. Writing the out-of-order slow burn of Moon becoming a simp who’s in way over her head has been fantastic tbh.

Also she only gets a mention here, but I had WAY too much fun creating Rosalie, Yasmine’s older (and to most everyone’s mind much cooler) influencer sister. Actually might end up including her in unrelated YasMoon fics too, because god, am I a sucker for sibling character foils :O Also it’s not fair that only Sam gets to have a sibling!!! Like give the other kids siblings!!!

…ironically, despite how spoiled she seems to be, Yasmine is one of the few Cobra Kai kids who doesn’t give off huge Only Child vibes XD Like idk. Idk. So much of Her Whole Deal strikes me as Bratty Overcompensating Younger Sister behavior XD

@karatecaulfield BIG pspsps, here’s a preview from A Big Fic coming up!!!

Preview under the cut!!! Enjoy :3

CW for some pretty crude language, and a character shouting a slur basically for shock value. But it’s one that applies to said character, so…I guess it’s reclaiming?

***

“You can travel the world But nothing comes close to the golden coast”

They were belting the lyrics as Yasmine swerved down mountain roads, rounding bends at what couldn’t possibly be a safe speed. It was times like these she thought she was invincible—away from the suffocating smog, under an endless blue sky, surrounded by fresh mountain air, free from the rest of the world’s expectations. Moon couldn’t tame her if she tried.

“Once you party with us, you’ll be falling in love…”

Moon glanced at Yasmine, and the words melted in her mouth. She burst out laughing.

Yasmine was never that unperturbed. She was all confidence and composure and power, holding onto her throne with tooth and manicured nail. Now she was just a silly, dancing teenager, shimmying back and forth and rocking her head from side to side like some kind of puzzled bird. One arm flailing about like the tube men outside of car dealerships while the other drifted on and off the steering wheel to lazily make turns.

She was grinning like she left all her inhibitions in LA.

“California girls, we’re unforgettable Daisy dukes, bikinis on top Sunkist skin so hot we’ll melt your popsicle”

Yasmine affectionately jabbed Moon’s tanned arm. Moon took a moment to be grateful the very ever-present spray-tan responsible was probably also hiding her blush.

“California girls, we’re undeniable Fine, fresh, fierce, we’ve got it on lock West Coast represent, now put your hands up!”

Yasmine did exactly that, whooping for several seconds. Moon worried they were going to hit the guardrail.

West Valley High’s queen bee self-corrected at the last possible moment, just like always. She grabbed the wheel and they made the turn.

There was something so exhilarating about her when she was like this. When she wasn’t projecting an image that didn’t match what was inside. Her voice was off-key and her movements were the opposite of graceful and every bit of control she usually gripped onto with iron strength flew out the window and into the alpine air.

And somehow, it felt like it used to when Moon finally came home after a long, shitty day of middle school, surrounded by stuck-up classmates and scornful, apathetic teachers. It felt like relief.

The song ended, and an ad came on from that annoying kick-the-competition auto dealer guy. As Yasmine complained for the seventh time about her parents not getting Spotify Premium, Moon looked out the window.

The road to Big Bear had more fall color than she’d ever seen. Only 20 miles outside of LA, and it was a whole different world—cherry reds and fiery oranges and sunset golds mixed into the deep green of impossibly tall pine trees.

It was all so foreign to her, always immersed in year-round flowers and greenery and subtropics. It seemed like something out of a Sunday morning dream, or a good shrooms trip. Strange—unnatural, perhaps—but tranquil all the same.

The aspen trees quaked in a sudden breeze. Several golden leaves peeled off their branches, glinting blindingly in the sunlight as they drifted to the ground.

Moon couldn’t quite explain it, but something felt just right. The energy…it was somehow perfectly aligned, all the stars and moons and planets in position for her to be driving off on a wilderness adventure with Yasmine Pyne.

The universe itself was humming in concord, like everything else that came before and after revolved around that moment.

Like it was the beginning of something too immense to see.

“What’re you gawking at?” Yasmine’s voice had a teasing snicker in it. “Have you never been to the mountains before?”

Moon shrugged. “Not since I was little. We only ever drove up here in the summer, though.”

“God, you should see your face.” There was a note of derision in Yasmine’s voice, but Moon barely noticed. “You look like you popped an E tablet or something.”

“Sorry, it’s just…” Moon smiled, shaking her head. “The trees are so beautiful. They’re reminding me of the healing crystals I still need to buy.”

“Um, what? Where is the connection there?”

Moon turned. The bridge of Yasmine’s nose was scrunched against her eyebrows, the way it always did when she was completely perplexed.

 “The colors, Yas.” Moon couldn’t help but laugh. “The leaves look like citrine. Or…” Her gaze strayed back out the window. “Empowering jasper. Or harmonizing tiger’s eye. Or vitality ruby. There’s so many hues!”

“You are so weird, girl.”

Yasmine laughed, but there was no disdain in it this time. It was an affectionate kind of amused—amusement at Moon’s expense, perhaps, but with an underlying fondness that caught her off-guard.

Moon looked at the autumn trees zipping by, fiery shades gleaming almost as brightly as gemstones in the alpine sun. She started to shift them in her mind, imagining clusters of leaves as giant, glimmering jewels instead. A whole forest of ruby and citrine and jasper and tiger’s eye and topaz and carnelian, polished stones budding from the ends of delicate white branches. A beautiful, serene place, quiet and peaceful. A place of healing. No sound save birdsong and babbling creeks.

She wondered how much more vivid the image would be with caps.

“I’d actually love to trip out here,” she admitted. “It’d be like…the most spiritual thing ever. I feel like there’s a certain kind of ‘oneness with the universe’ around these trees, you know?”

“What, and then wander off the side of a cliff because you’ve convinced yourself you can fly? No thanks.”

Moon sniggered. Yasmine couldn’t sugarcoat something if she tried.

She didn’t pull punches when it came to teasing out the worst-case scenario and she never hesitated when deciding that’s what would inevitably happen.

A wooden sign post flitted past. Moon pressed her palm into the window glass, eyes widening.

A trailhead.

“Let’s go for a hike!”

The words spouted from Moon before she could stop them. She blinked, wholly unsure where the sudden determination came from.

Yasmine spluttered, uncharacteristically lost for words.

“Please,” Moon added plaintively. “Just a short one?”

“Why?” Yasmine demanded, finally finding her voice.

Moon bit her lip, staring at the dashboard.

“I’ve never been.”

“You’ve never been hiking in Big Bear.”

Yasmine scoffed, punctuating the statement with a smack to the steering wheel.

“Nope.” Moon chuckled nervously, hoping this wasn’t something Yasmine decided was worthy of giving her shit about.

Her friend only snorted in disbelief. “You haven’t been hiking up here,” she said again. “Aren’t your parents like…tree-hugging mega-hippies or something? Seems like they’d be all about that meditative outdoorsy shit.”

Moon laughed, shaking her head. “Well, they’re more like…smoke-a-bunch-of-stuff-in-a-sweat-lodge-and-see-the-entire-pagan-pantheon kind of hippies. Not really the one-with-nature kind of hippies.”

“But you are, huh?”

Yasmine raised her eyebrows, and Moon’s cheeks grew hot.

“I don’t know. I guess so. Nature calms me down when I’m stressed. Helps unblock my root chakra when it gets a little clogged.”

They passed a particularly beautiful grove of red maple trees, and Moon sucked in her breath.

“If we could just…stop and take a little walk somewhere…”

“Mooooon.” Yasmine dragged her name into a whine. “I’m wearing designer boots. If I get too much dirt on them, my mom will skin me alive and use my eviscerated corpse to make another pair.”

“Oh my god.” Moon snickered. “Don’t be so dramatic. Your mom is nice! She’s not going to flip out over a little dust.”

“You don’t know her,” Yasmine grumbled.

“I’ll take the blame if she gets mad. Promise.” Moon gave her friend her most pleading look. “I’ll say…I don’t know. I got you really high and we ran around in the dirt or something. But mountain trails aren’t usually that dirty! At least I don’t think.”

Yasmine whimpered, glancing from the car clock out the window and back again.

At the next trailhead, Yasmine slammed the brakes. Moon yelped, lurching forward as the range rover screeched to a stop in a pullover surrounded by soaring pines and gold-tinged scrub bushes.

“Oh, fuck it. Rosalie’s not expecting us until 4 anyways.”

Moon smiled at her lap. She got the feeling Yasmine could have fought her harder.

***

“Tell me a secret.”

“What?” Moon’s sandals dug into the trail, grinding her to a halt.

“Tell me a secret.” Yasmine turned, hair backlit by mountain sunshine. “Come on. If you’re going to insist we trek out into the middle of buttfuck nowhere, you’d better have some juicy gossip for where absolutely no one can hear us.”

She leaped onto a nearby boulder with surprising grace, boots deftly clinging to the gaps in a way that suggested she hadn’t always been as averse to physical exertion as she was now.

“DICK AND BALLS!” Moon was completely unprepared for her friend to cup her mouth and shout at the top of her lungs. “MOTHERFUCKING COCKSUCKING SHITHEADS! GODDAMN PUSSY-EATING DYKES! I’LL PISS IN YOUR MOUTH!”

The forest only answered Yasmine’s abundance of profanity with wind, songbird calls, and one or two annoyed crows. Not another human soul to be heard.

“See?” Yasmine turned, her grin conniving. “No one’s going to hear any of this shit besides us. You can literally say anything you want out here. It’d be a waste not to spill some tea.”

She spread her arms, and for a moment, she looked like a bird. An elegant, dainty little yellow warbler, about to take flight or break into song.

“No one can fuck with us out here!” she crowed. For a moment, Moon felt almost as free as her.

Moon laughed, shaking her head. She hadn’t known what to expect from the blonde girl in the yellow designer sundress, making snide comments in her math class, but these unrestrained dramatics were definitely not it.

“So come on, then.” Yasmine scaled down the rock as easily as she’d climbed it. “Tell me something scandalous, Moon.”

Moon frowned, quickening her pace to catch up. “Why?”

“Because. Maybe I want to get to know the girl I’m hauling up into the mountains to see my sister, huh?”

“We don’t need deep, dark secrets for that, do we?”

“Not technically, but I’m bored of all the other shit.” Yasmine groaned. “‘Where’d you go to middle school, did you grow up here, do you have any brothers or sisters,’ blah blah blah. We covered all the small talk crap when we ditched for brunch. I want something more interesting.”

Moon’s cheeks grow hot. “I don’t know if I’m hiding anything that interesting.”

“Oh, bullshit.” Yasmine turned, gray-green eyes boring into Moon. The blonde started walking backwards just in front of her friend, maintaining very intense and very judgmental eye contact the entire time. “Everyone’s got a little dirt on them, Moon. You just have to scrape it up.”

Feeling a sudden rush of bravery (perhaps the empowering jasper-colored leaves were to blame), Moon crossed her arms and returned Yasmine’s smirk. “And why should I give you my dirt?”

“Because.” Those stormy irises had a cunning gleam in them. “What’s a few secrets between best friends?”

“Best friends!” Moon laughed in surprise. “We barely know each other. And I’m your—well, I mean.” She found herself stumbling over her words. “What about everyone else at the table? Your middle school crew?”

“Oh, well.” Yasmine rolled her eyes dismissively. “Jenna, Harper, Aubrey—they’re all fake as fuck. Dumb sluts are using me to get a taste of what it’s like at the top. I know the knives come out whenever my back’s turned.” Her lips curled into a sneer. “It’s whatever, honestly. I’d just as soon get rid of them as soon as they stop making us look good. But you…”

For the first time in a while, the scornful look dropped completely.

“You’re different, Moon. You’re…real. Not basic and boring like every other bitch that follows me around.”

If Moon’s cheeks weren’t on fire before, they certainly were now.

“You really mean that?”

“Yeah, duh. I wouldn’t take you out here if you weren’t worlds better than all the other losers at our trash-ass school. Now…”

The genuine look that briefly shone through morphed into a smirk. Mood wondered if she’d imagined it.

Yasmine leaned forward, smirk widening. Without warning she grabbed both of Moon’s hands, tangling their fingers together as she continued to effortlessly saunter backwards. “Tell me a secret, Moon.”

“I…”

Moon could feel what was hovering just behind her lips. The words threatening to tangle with the mountain air and wash over Yasmine like a cold breeze, causing her hands to jerk away and her face to twist in that oh-so-familiar disgust.

I’m not normal.

It was something in the way that all through elementary school—and all through the turbulent tides of middle school, too—her eyes weren’t only drawn by soccer players showing off at recess, or the track stars who could run more gym class laps than anyone. Boys who dripped confidence like sweat and gleamed like fresh-minted coins, the names inside the hearts every girl doodled.

Just as often she found herself drawn to the ballet dancers and the child beauty pageant winners and the sirenlike voices of the girls in choir. Often as not, her mind was on billowing hair and purple nails and the scent of fruit shampoo as much as the testosterone and cologne of the ever-boisterous boys.

And it was a fascination that went beyond friendship. Moon knew that much.

She was able to join in with the other girls, gushing about the guys they liked and making bets on who would ask who to the next dance. But there was always half of it left unsaid.

She’d never told a soul. Not her easygoing parents. Not her middle school gang. No one. It was an anomaly that belonged to her and her alone.

And Moon wasn’t about to drive away her newest friend, in all her power and mystique and sheer magnetic energy.

Yasmine must’ve seen the gears turning behind her eyes. She groaned, yanking especially hard on Moon’s hands with an exaggerated eyeroll.

“Oh, fine. I’ll go first if you’re not gonna spill.”

Moon raised her eyebrows. “That was an option?”

Yasmine scoffed. “I mean, if you’re just going to stand there looking constipated…”

Moon couldn’t find a response.

Which probably made her look even more constipated.

“I don’t actually wake up like this.” Yasmine grinned mischievously, giving those flawless yellow locks of hers a graceful flip. “And it’s not Maybelline, either. I have to wake up at 5 fucking o’clock every morning to straighten this bitch. But better that than go to school looking like a fucking hobo.”

Moon laughed.

“So you don’t wake up with perfect hair? That’s not very scandalous.” Yasmine gasped, sounding half offended. “It is if you’re someone with my rep!”

“Well, if it’s that important to you…” Moon sniggered. “I won’t tell anyone. But for what it’s worth, I think the other kids would be impressed you put so much time into looking perfect.”

“Oh, no way. They need to think it’s like…an inherent part of my personality that I’m flawless and untouchable. Otherwise they might start getting ideas about replacing me if they style their hair for long enough.”

She had to laugh again.

“I don’t think you need to worry. The entire school knows they could never hold a torch to you.”

For a moment, uncertainty flickered through those stormcloud eyes.

Like the fear of being dethroned was greater than Yasmine let on.

“Damn right,” she said, smug expression returning. She tugged Moon’s hands again, bringing the girls close enough that Moon could smell traces of the strawberry-and-nutella crepes she had for breakfast.

“Your turn,” she purred.

“Um…”

Moon paused, pushing thoughts of her unspoken strangeness away. Yasmine didn’t need to know that.

“I’m worried that people think I’m kind of stupid,” she said instead.

Yasmine looked genuinely thrown off for a moment.

“What do you mean?”

Her expression turned…not serious exactly, but more thoughtful and curious than Moon was used to. None of its usual smugness.

“My friends from middle school, they—they all went to these private Ivy League prep schools. I, uh…I think some of their parents bribed their way in, but some of them were genuinely just that smart. Either way, my parents weren’t willing to pull strings to get me in. They’re really, um…‘go with the flow’ in a way that they, like, don’t like to exert a lot of effort on anything they don’t need to. Which includes keeping me with my friends, I guess.”

Moon took a breath, almost hoping Yasmine would interrupt.

Yasmine didn’t. Only waited with uncharacteristic patience for her to finish.

“I told them at 8th grade continuation I didn’t make it into Harvard-Westlake. They, um…they looked at me like I was some kind of reject. And they started talking about all the things they were gonna do in high school.” Moon winced at the memory. “Kelsey was gonna learn Latin. Rachel was gonna get into Hollywood. Tess was gonna figure out how to become like…some political diplomat or something. And I guess it was just like…we’d been together through the thick and thin of everything, and suddenly I was some dumb bimbo who wasn’t even worthy of licking the dirt they stepped on. And after that night, I never heard from any of them again.”

Yasmine’s only response was a curled lip. “Ew.”

Moon’s stomach sank. “You think I’m also…?”

Yasmine’s scowl deepened. “No, your stupid friends. They sound like a load of self-righteous bitches.” She scoffed. “Girl, you’re well-rid of them. You stuck around and they’d try to make you into a fucking lame loser nerd just like them. Who the fuck uses Latin in their day-to-day existence, anyways?!”

Moon found herself laughing.

“Yeah, I guess Kelsey was always kind of prissy that way.”

“Half the shit they teach in high school doesn’t matter in the real world, anyways.” Yasmine rolled her eyes. “And yeah, even at prep schools, too. Take all the acting classes and political science you want, but if you don’t know someone important in the industry, you’re not getting shit. The world runs on nepotism, so…your old bitches are going to get fucked over so bad.”

Something about Yasmine’s overconfident scorn soothed her. No one who spoke that surely could be wrong…right?

Moon chuckled. “Is it bad that I kind of hope they do?”

“Nah. Would serve the dumb fucks right.” Yasmine’s smirk returned—bigger than any she’d worn all afternoon. “I should be thanking them, really. They ditched by far the coolest person in their group, and now I get you all to myself.”

Moon only hoped Yasmine didn’t see how red her own cheeks were turning.

“For the record, though…”

Yasmine seemed to search her face, expression suddenly unreadable.

“I don’t think you’re stupid. I mean…not that it matters anyways, because pretty people get jobs more than smart people do, but being good at the crap they teach in school doesn’t mean anything. Being able to read people, knowing who you can open up to and who’s a damn snake, figuring out how to talk people into giving you what you want…that’s what matters. And you’ve got more intuition than anyone I’ve met in a long time.”

Well, if having intuition was what mattered…

Moon only hoped she was reading Yasmine right.

***

Some random author’s notes, in no particular order:

Love that Yasmine is canonically a terrible driver. Like she accidentally kick-started the entire plot because her dumb ass was texting and driving and rammed right tf into Johnny Lawrence’s car. I have every reason to believe she’s this bad of a driver in every situation 💛 Absolute trash queen 👑

Writing S1 Yasmine is so much fun because she’s SO unapologetically shitty, like. You can have her say the most deranged shit and it’s completely in character??? Delightfully challenging to figure out how fucking anyone could fall inconsolably head-over-heels for her, especially someone as naturally good-natured as Moon!!! Like she was simping—I know it in my soul—but how the FUCK did that happen???

Also no I absolutely do not count Demetri’s “feelings” as falling inconsolably head-over-heels for her—mans was faking being straight to get Miguel not to abandon him and then felt he had to Commit To The Bit. I WILL die on this hill btw.

On a related note, though!!! I’ve probably watched the S1 Yasmine scenes DOZENS of times for this fic (not a single fucking one without her girlfriend btw), and after a while you start to pick up on some like…unexpected softness you didn’t notice before? Like she seems genuinely pleased Sam is enjoying throwing her party! She plays wingwoman and sets Sam up with Kyler! (Granted, there could have been ulterior motives here—namely distracting Sam so she doesn’t notice That Gay Shit going on between her two new best friends—but the act in of itself didn’t seem malicious.) She’s a tad overprotective of Moon when she believes Sam has been talking crap, and tells Sam to get the hell out of Moon’s car!!! She genuinely looks hurt when Moon chooses Hawk and Co. over her!!! Like it’s few and far between, but she definitely seems to care about her friends on some level, even at her worst. With that in mind, it’s a lot easier to write Moon getting smitten with her!

Adding onto this—rewatching the S1 Yasmine clips, it’s kind of striking how often she refers to herself and Moon as a unit, especially during the 1x05 car scene with Sam. “Kyler told us what you said.” “You think you’re better than us.” “We know what went down.” She says “Moon, let’s go” when about to ditch the beach party instead of just storming off because of course she’s not leaving without Moon (who she chose to stay with over going with Kyler btw!). She doesn’t even consider it a possibility until Moon outright says it. Not only is this a cool parallel to a thing S1 Demetri also does (I.e. frequently uses “we” to speak for both him and Eli from a place of misguided-ish overprotectiveness and the confidence that “I know what’s best for both of us as a unit”), but this is something a lot of long-term couples I know irl tend to do!!! When I talk about movies with my roommate, he tends to say “we (I.e. him and his fiancé) did/didn’t like it.” When my married friend thanked me for catsitting, he said “we really appreciate it.” Point being that even at her absolute worst, Yasmine is never actually just thinking about herself—she’s thinking about herself and Moon, right up until Moon chooses to ditch her! Anyways yeah these girls were a Thing sorry. If they have a tendency that immediately calls to mind my married and engaged friends, that’s. A little gay???

Also worth noting that Yasmine only really breaks from Moon in 1x09, and then as SOON as she appears again in S3, she’s once again glued to Moon’s hip. Girl literally cannot stay away from Moon akfssrfuhbi

But all that aside!!! S1 Yasmine genuinely sucks so bad. Like GIRL. You fat-shamed a girl for no fucking reason. You verbally eviscerated an ugly sweater kid just minding his business and probably jump-started his Evil Journey tbh. You slut-shamed your ex-friend all over the internet after she almost got sexually assaulted. You cut off your closest friend and fuck buddy because she dared to ask you to stop being horrid. What in the actual hell is wrong with you. I am horrified and fascinated. I want to study Yasmine like a bug.

And I am, via this fic!!! God, am I having a blast with it. Fully intend to continue delving into why she’s the actual fucking worst and giving her the nuance the showrunners never bothered with 💛

I spent like 3 hours researching “prep schools” in the San Fernando Valley, and watched a whole-ass tour video for Harvard-Westlake to determine what Moon’s shitty (or shittier) ex-friends went off to study that made her feel inadequate. Please be proud of me for doing a deep dive into this weird niche topic to make my weird niche pairing fic feel authentic XD

Deadass role-playing as an Uber-wealthy Encino parent looking for a good, respectable high school for their spoiled 8th grader was. An incredibly bizarre experience. I do not want kids, I could not afford them even if I did, and I do not have anything anywhere close to a rich suburban husband to discuss a kid’s school options with. I guess this is the essence of trying to explore lived experiences that will never belong to you???

I legitimately do think Moon is smarter than she comes off as (Demetri wouldn’t fuck with her otherwise!) and is somewhat insecure about being seen as “dumb” because she’s bubbly, hyperfemme, conflict-averse, and in touch with her spirituality. I don’t think she likes admitting this, though—she doesn’t like “burdening” others with her own demons!

Considering Yasmine’s “natural” hairstyle in S3 appears to be more wavy, girl probably spent an ungodly amount of time and effort straightening her hair in season 1. Like yeah, she was mean at, but can you blame her??? Bitch was probably running on like 4 hours of sleep a night!

Jenna, Harper, and Aubrey are some of the extras at the Rich Girls Table! I’ve mentioned in other posts, but I’ve always kind of wondered about them, and What Their Deal Was that they’re only sometimes worthy of hanging out with Yasmine XD Git hyped to see more of them in this and other planned YasMoon fics!!!

Continuing to love looking into crystals/spirituality/incense/other kinds of Wiccan-adjacent things I think Moon would be into! As a woman of science, I’m not sure if I buy into that, but I do think it’s genuinely fascinating and fun to explore and research! There’s a lot of pretty cool and interesting belief systems out there to explore when you go in without obsessing over whether something’s 100% true or false and whatnot.

Yes, Californians really do get that hyped about seasons. I would know—I moved there after growing up in the Midwest, and seeing Californians get hyped about seeing snow or massive amounts of fall foliage for the first time is just about the most pure thing ever ;_____; But it’s definitely not out of the question for Moon to get that pumped about fall color aksssdtchh

I kind of love the idea of Moon always knowing she was bisexual, but not building the confidence to proudly tell it to the world until Piper helped her to 💗💜💙

Bitches be holding other bitches’ hands on an isolated hiking trail and think that’s a Straight and Normal thing to do. Like come on. We all know what you are, Yasmine.

Can’t give y’all an exact posting estimate for the whole fic, but I’m not giving up on it anytime soon (having WAY too much fun with this angst to do that!!!) and will try to get the rest of it done as soon as I can!!! Hoping ideally by sometime this coming winter :3

[darling-archeron]

Hello again! 🧑🏻‍🎄

I hope you had a wonderful Halloween full of candy and fun! I ended up not doing anything much beyond dressing in black and orange at work bc I was so tired by the time I got home, but I did do a little more prepping before midnight kicked off and I started writing your fic for nanowrimo! Two days ago while writing, despite following the outline, Feyre and Rhys still managed to take control and change something right at the beginning😔 but honestly I love it and how it’ll enhance some of the plot and I hope you will too!

Any plans this coming week? I’m flying to visit a friend tomorrow night so will be busy probably until late next week, but I’ll still be tapping away those keys as best I can in my down hours.

Also - I know it’s a bit late but re the favorite fic post - i just adore Hot Chocolate with Cinnamon! Feyre drawing those cute little puns makes me smile so much☺️ and for the wip post feysand fake dating au?👀

And for your first snippet, a line I literally wrote five minutes ago:

“I’ll trip you,” she admitted blatantly. “If a wolf decides to show its face to us? I don’t have to outrun it. I’ll just have to outrun you.”

And Rhys just laughed at that, loud and carefree, either unaware or unbothered by the looks it earned from the other townspeople out and about on market day.

Have a great week!!!

Hi Santa!! I have had so much Halloween candy the past couple weeks, it's been great haha. My actual Halloween was pretty uneventful, I dressed up and went out with a few friends!

I personally always love it when the characters run away with the story, it's usually when I end up getting most inspired and writing in big streaks.

Hot Chocolate Cinnamon is one of my older favorites! One of the few times I don't make anyone suffer 😅I'm so glad you enjoyed it, I want to keep writing more aus like that in the future :)

I'm having so much fun with the fake dating AU! I'm forcing myself not to post it until I have the majority done because I'm notorious for leaving multichapters unfinished, which is a habit I'm trying to break. The premise is that Feyre and Rhys are partners for a class project in college, and Feyre ends up needing a fake date to a work event because Tamlin will be there...and the whole thing goes from there! Here's a little snippet for fun :)

-

Feyre narrowed her brow. “This better not be some elaborate scheme to sleep with me, Rhysand.”  

“It’s not, and I’m a little offended that you think so little of me.”

“What then? You’re just really bored? Between the two of us, I’m the one who was home alone last Friday night.”

“I already told you, I can’t have you slacking on our group project! Is that not a good enough reason?”

Hardly, Feyre thought, but bit back the remark.

He was helping her, after all.

-

I hope you have a great flight and a great time with your friend! Last week I got to see some friends I haven't seen in forever.

Omg this snippet has me so excited. Soft/domestic vibes? Chef's kiss!! Thank you for sharing!!

I hope you are doing well, have a fantastic week!

[mamasanctuary]

Future Futbol Player...

Yadier finally moved on from forcing Thalia to practice soccer with him. For over a year, he tried to “train her” to play in hopes to enroll her in a mini league this fall. She refused and we’ll be enrolling her in a gymnastic program. But Zoe, Zoe looooves soccer. I got these snippets of them practicing yesterday morning. He goes on to say she has excellent balance and can actually kick the ball pretty far. I’m like hombre, she’s just getting started relax. I always dreamed my little girls would do ballet. It’s what I most wanted to do as a kid but my parents couldn’t afford to(or so they said). They don’t even show an interest in dancing, except when Celia comes on, so I guess that’s a distant dream. But I love that they’re not afraid to do what they truly love. I’m looking forward to having a hoarse voice after their games/competitions. Should be fun 😉

This Week’s Highs:

- Set goals for the rest of 2022 - Helped my sister with wedding plan -  Hearing Solomon string along 3-4 word sentences                            Click to read more about my triggers this week

  It’s been a minute since I’ve written a full blog post, so bare with me. I’ve been helping my sister wedding plan and it’s brought up a bunch of hurtful, painful memories for me. Not sure how I’ll deal with them but for the moment, I’m just pushing through.

  Here’s the thing, my abuser was heavily involved in my wedding. And I mean, heavily. She was able to dictate who sat near who and what others were allowed to wear. All the tasks I handed to my mom to make her feel involved in my wedding. But because my mom has always let abuser dictate things, she was happy to let abuser do it. 

  I hated my wedding. Almost nothing I wanted or paid for, was there and the only good thing was that I actually married Yadier. At the time, I was so used to never getting my way I didn’t bother protesting. It’s just how things were. The “real” adults made the decisions and us “children” listened. Not to mention none of these real adults helped pay for anything. We were 21 and I was assured everyone was just trying to help.

Now that my big sister is getting married, which I’m so happy about, I want to protect her peace on that day. But she’s kind of working against me and inviting people she doesn’t really want. Its purely out of outdated social norms and obligation that she feels she must. I think I’m mainly triggered because she’s thinking of inviting abuser. She doesn’t know that I was also sexually abused by abuser but she saw, and even participated, in some of the mental/physical abuse. I don’t fault her, she was a child and the last time my sister was against me she was around 12, so definitely didn’t know better. But, I can’t help but feel anger towards her even entertaining the thought.  Is that wrong of me? Probably. But oh well. It feels mean to have her there knowing that I haven’t spoken to her in over 4 years. Anyway, I spiraled again this week. Coming to the realization that everyone doesn’t remember things the same and I’ll likely have to interact with abuser in four weeks. What would you do?

[hbxplain]

1,182 words - False Pretenses, Angel Arc

here's a quick snippet from false pretenses! i'm not really ready to post full chapters yet because i think i wanna rewrite some of the early ones, but snippets don't feel like such a big commitment; if i end up rewriting an entire snippet or even completely removing it before it's time to post the full chapters, it doesn't really matter!

thus, observe: levi (human pov character, ey/em), val (angel, she/her), and triz (demon, he/him) hiding in their rooms after a disastrous session of lying to snooty angels. they don't really like each other much yet, at this point.

☼☼☼-

“What the fuck was that!?” ey ask, whirling on Val the moment the door slams shut.

“What was what?” Val asks, instantly playing dumb and looking away in annoyance. Levi grits eir teeth.

“That!” Levi repeats, throwing eir hands up in exasperation. “You’re a terrible liar! And we just went right into it without thinking up a backstory, or drawing soulmarks or anything—and, fine, I’ll take half responsibility for that part. But Jesus Christ, you couldn’t have warned us that we’d have to carry your ass through this entire con?”

Val has the decency to look embarrassed, scratching absently at the back of her neck and avoiding eye contact. “I, uh… I forgot.”

“You forgot,” Levi echoes, disbelieving.

Val huffs. “Look, this was kind of a last minute affair, okay? I wasn’t exactly prepared. And I’m good at skirting around the truth, just… outright lying is harder. Especially outright lying to angels.”

Levi takes a deep breath, running a hand through eir hair. “Alright. Okay. Fine. We can recover from this. First of all, we’re going to need to straighten out our story.” Ey blow out a breath, collapsing onto the sofa. “Triz and I met you at… a library, apparently? On our anniversary.”

Triz smiles, waving sheepishly as he sits on the edge of the bed.

Levi sighs. “It’s fine. Also, our soulmarks are fucking huge, according to Val.” Ey shoot Val a glare, and Val groans, striding across the room to fall down dramatically against the foot of the bed.

“I get it! I fucked up! You can stop talking about it now!”

Ey roll eir eyes. “Do you have a sharpie, or something? Anything to help us out here?”

Val grumbles, but she waves her hand and suddenly there are three sharpies between her fingers. She holds two of them out, and Levi and Triz slide down to the floor to take one. “We’ll just draw in a circle,” Levi commands, rolling up eir left sleeve. “Are we all right-handed?” The other two nod, and Levi sighs. Finally, something ey don’t have to add to the list of ‘things that shouldn’t have to be this hard.’ “Thank god. I’ll draw on Val, you’ll draw on Triz, and Triz, you’ll draw on me. Cool?”

“What are we drawing?” Triz asks nervously.

“Something ‘beautiful,’” Levi says, explicitly mocking Val, and Val glares at em before tugging Triz’s left arm closer to her and rolling his sleeve up. “I don’t know. Swirls. Shapes. Anything, really. Just make sure it covers most of my arm. They don’t have to match perfectly.”

Triz chews his bottom lip nervously. “Are you… sure? I mean, I- I’m not really… artistic. Not like this, anyway.”

“Hey, don’t worry about it. Soulmarks can look like anything! As long as ours are all roughly the same size, we’ll be fine.” Levi rolls up Val’s sleeve, ignoring when she turns to irrationally hiss at em. “Do you do some other kind of art, then? If you’re just not artistic ‘like this.’”

Triz lights up, nodding excitedly, and Levi’s chest feels warm. “Oh, yes! At least, I like to think so. I spend a lot of my time-”

“Aren’t we supposed to be working out a backstory?” Val asks, already sounding bored, and Levi counts to ten in eir head.

“We’re also supposed to be soulmates who love each other,” ey huff. “So we should probably know a little bit about each other, right? Now shut up and let Triz talk about his cool art.”

Val glowers at em, but Triz, whose face had fallen slightly at Val’s words, perks up again with a soft, appreciative smile.

“Well, I- I really love humans,” he begins, his eyes trained on Levi’s arm as he scribbles out a pattern. “I’m just so amazed by the way they interact with each other, and the cultures they build and maintain, and the way they shape the world around them, and… And then I learned about photography, where you can capture some of that in a picture to look back on!”

“Oh, you’re a photographer?”

“I like to think so! I love everything about it, and it’s so satisfying finding the perfect composition and framing… I don’t know, it just makes me really happy.” He stops, then, a faint blush across his cheeks as he stares pointedly at the soulmark he’s creating.

“No, that’s great,” Levi insists as ey work on eir own project. “I think it’s awesome that you’ve found something that can bring you that much joy. That’s something to be proud of, and I’d love to see some of your photos someday.”

Triz looks up suddenly, and Levi turns to meet eir eyes, pleased to see the excited light in them. “Really?”

“Of course!”

“Oh my god,” Val groans, slumping dramatically. “You two are so annoying.”

Levi rolls eir eyes, fighting the urge to groan dramatically in kind. “Oh, sorry for having basic interests and a capacity for social interaction.”

Val narrows her eyes, pausing her art to look up at Levi. “You are genuinely insufferable.”

“And you’re an asshole, but here we are! Hey, how much weight do angels put on physical intimacy?”

Val tilts her head, distracted. “What? Why?”

“Because it’s gonna be hilarious if you have to kiss me.”

Val’s face flushes so suddenly and so thoroughly that Levi’s actually a little amazed. The tips of her pointed ears turn a dark, splotchy blue, and oh shit she may be a bitch but she’s fucking pretty. Levi wishes ey could stop being gay for like, one fucking minute.

“It’s okay!” Triz pipes up, looking earnestly at Val. “We don’t have to kiss if it makes you really uncomfortable! I’m sure holding hands and stuff will be enough.”

“I don’t know,” Levi says. Ey know ey’re being a dick, but Val is also a dick, so whatever. Karma. “If she can’t go ten seconds without insulting one of us, holding hands isn’t gonna cut it.”

Val sneers and goes back to roughly drawing on Triz’s arm, and Levi frowns when he winces from the pressure. “Whatever,” she snaps. “We only have to make it through three days anyway. I can pretend to tolerate you just long enough to get approved for life on Earth.”

Levi hums, unconvinced but willing to drop it. Ey don’t want to antagonize her too much.

But she, of course, has other plans. “And by the way,” she huffs, nodding up at the bed, “I’m not sleeping with a demon and a dipshit. You can decide which one of you gets the couch and which one gets the floor.”

Levi sighs. It’s not worth arguing over, honestly. “You can have the couch,” ey tell Triz, and Triz must agree about not arguing about it, because he just nods and keeps drawing.

They don’t say much else after that. Levi gets out eir phone and plays music that Val calls outdated, so ey put together a playlist of songs from each of their very different music tastes so they’ll all be vaguely satisfied. Triz hums along even to the songs he doesn’t know, and it’s always adorable, and Val sings boisterously to the songs she knows by heart, which is obnoxiously (deniably) cute. All in all… Levi’s had worse dates.

And then the angels knock on their door.

☼☼☼-

tag list: @mallthologist, @original-writing

[zuppizup]

fanfic writer emoji asks!!!

🤲🏻💖⛔️

🤲 Would you please share a snippet of a wip?

How about something from my time travel AU?

“What happened?! I heard screaming.”

They both look to the door, finding Ezran staring in at them.

“Your brother is sick.” Sarai speaks softly to Ezran. “Come Callum, let’s get you to bed.” She puts her arm under his back and urges him up.

Callum barely feels up to it, but resting in bed would clearly be better than lying on the hard, stone floor. Ezran moves around to help them both, depositing Bait on the floor beside Callum. The little glow toad grumbles in protest, frowning obviously at Callum. Together his mother and Ezran guide him to the bed, Callum leaning on them heavily the entire time.

He reclines back against the pillows, exhausted. The mere act of moving from the floor to the bed feels like he has climbed the entire stair of the Storm Spire. He has no idea what is going on but he knows one person who will help him feel better. More grounded. Safe. He turns to Ezran. “Where’s Rayla?”

His little brother frowns, looking at Sarai then back to Callum. “Rayla?”

Callum inhales sharply, the dread of a few minutes returning. “Yes, Rayla. Where is she?! She was just here.” Wasn’t she? He stares wide-eyed at Ezran, willing his little brother to laugh and reveal the joke.

Ezran looks at their mother, appearing lost.

“Callum, who’s Rayla?” Sarai takes his hand, her face clearly concerned.

💖 What made you start writing?

Oof, like start start? I’ve been writing fanfic since I could write. I would write fanfics in my school notebooks as a kid. (Care Bears and Gen 1 MLP. I am old). Also, fun fax

I did stop writing for years before TPD wormed it’s way into my head and wouldn’t leave me alone though. I’m not really sure what it was about this story that helped me get back into writing. The characters are so wonderful and the world is very fun to play in. I watched the show from when it first streamed on Netflix but season 3 and Rayllum obviously got a big hold on me. Fic sustained me while we awaited news on season 4 and in that time I made so many wonderful friends and had such a blast in fandom.

⛔ Do you have a fic you started, but scrapped?

Hmm, well, I never fully scrap a fic. I did have a heap of The Stride written last year and then abandoned it. As of yesterday, it’s now finished! So I hold out hope, shall we say.

I’ve plenty of mothballed fics though.

Zombie fic

A bunch of random strangers to lovers modern AUs.

Arranged marriage fic

Soulmate fic

The arranged marriage and soulmate ones were like… subversions of those tropes and I probably have abandoned those because it felt like luring people into something and then pulling the rug out from under them. Which felt kinda mean. 😅

Fanfic Ask Game

[adultswim2021]

Saul of the Mole Men #12: “The Girly Bird Gets the Ring” | May 7, 2007 - 12:00AM | S01E12

Okay, FINE. Here’s an episode of the Saul show that sucks. In this episode we mostly step away from Saul (who we see running away from a big tidal wave, from last episode) and revisit the whole Bird Bat Mole Man Johnny Tambourine thing from a few episodes back. Lil’s Bird Bat Blood Bath is now headline news, and the Bird Bats are declaring war on the Mole Men. In that episode, the one where Lil slaughters the Bird Bats after a bolt of testosterone from his newly-acquired sack, Saul had taken Lil’s nards away because of this incident. Here we learn that Saul still has them.

Remember when a lady bird shows up and lays and egg on Johnny Tambourine’s face from, I think, the same episode? That turns out to be the Bird Bat king’s daughter, the Bird Bat princess. Will the romance between these two star-crossed lovers result in peace? Or will it just make things worse? The two do wed, but her father will not rest until Lil, the killer of many Bird Bats, is brought to justice. The Bird Bat King steadies his laser pistol on Lil’s brains. Clancy leaps in front of the laser to protect Lil. Johnny jumps in front of the laser to protect Clancy. Bird Bat Princess jumps in front of the laser to protect Johnny, and she’s done for. What will become of all of this? Probably nothing? 

This one does have one sorta funny part where it cuts to a little girl at the end, reading a Tiger-Beat-esque magazine covering the show in a scene that presumably takes place in our real world where Saul is just a TV show. She’s a typical Saul of the Mole Men fan, of course. She screams at the ambiguity of it all. I don’t remember watching this episode, but I do remember this gag; and I think that’s because I was striving to be as complete as possible with Adult Swim collecting. Even though I was not actively watching Saul, I still recorded it and placed the recordings onto DVDs, and the little bit of editing I did meant that I’d just see snippets of the show here and there.

Bad episode? Well, it’s a typical episode of Saul. So, yeah.

Superdeluxe.com (first version; 2007-2008)

Hey! I posted a YouTube video of some bumps on here and, I’ll be honest, I didn’t actually watch it. Kon did, and informed me that there were Superdeluxe.com promos all over the place. I guess I should talk about Superdeluxe on here, now! 

Super Deluxe was launched as a close cousin to Adult Swim, featuring some shows and shorts from the same talent pool. A lot of stuff on there was from people I’d never heard of before, though. It was Turner owned, online-only, and more significantly did not adhere to the same standards and practices (when orphaned Super Deluxe shows were migrated over to Adult Swim’s streaming site they had to add additional censorship). There was some good stuff on there, but also a lot of garbage. I would say the greatness to garbage ratio was much more lopsided on Super Deluxe compared to Adult Swim. I remember there was a Fark show, for fuck’s sake. 

Okay, so I opened up the wikipedia page for Super Deluxe, and now I’m going to list every show that was on there that I even remember a little bit: 

I Am Babycakes/The Professor Bros/China, IL

By Brad Neely! This was the breakout hit of the site as far as I was concerned. Basically a collection of stills drawn by Bran Neely making a very limited animation. I believe he did all the voices too. Really wonderful, hilarious stuff. China, IL the initial special that birthed the actual TV series that followed it later on, was sort of the cross-over event that established that they were all in the same universe*, and if I remember correctly it was presented in four short parts on Super Deluxe and then aired as an 11-minute pilot on Adult Swim. It eventually became a show with more traditional animation.

*actually I think the characters crossed-over considerably on each other’s series, but I don’t feel like fact-checking this! SORRY! I’ll just be wrong!

Comedy by the Numbers

I was familiar with the album and the book, which I don’t remember if they came out at the same time. Was this funny? Can comedy about comedy be funny? I literally don’t remember. Sorry! 

Derek and Simon: The Show

Derek Waters of Drunk History and Simon Hellberg of being more famous than Derek Waters had a thing on here that I don’t really remember that well. It seemed like they were going for something more relatable about two young guys who do young guy things. I believe this was produced by Bob Odenkirk, who was bit by the Tim & Eric bug, trying to come up with swanky new duos. I remember him trying with two other dudes who I don’t remember very well. I remember them being like two Kyle Gass’s. Does anyone remember this? It was like LARRY AND STEVE or some shit. Please somebody write me and tell me who they were. They also released a podcast that literally ran for one episode but the guest was Paul F. Tompkins and it was just this disjointed compilation of JUST RIFFS, like they deleted anything that resembled a serious conversation. It was exhausting.

Okay, I figured out the podcast name, but it seems like it doesn’t exist anywhere. It was called “Over Where I’m Pointing” and the episode title was “Rivet”. What the fuck was this

Maria Bamford Show

GREAT! Front-facing camera comedy but good. She’s basically doing her act and there are moments that honestly transcend in this format. I think this came out on DVD with one her albums, but I don’t really remember. 

Penelope Princess of Pets

With Kurt Braunohler and Kristen Schaal. I don’t think I watched this, but I remember the promos and thinking it looked good. A bunch of these are on youtube in stunning 240p. 

The Freeloader's Guide To Easy Living

AHHH! It’s Jonah Ray! AHHH!! It’s people I knew from message boards as extras!!! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! (my wife is in one of these).

This gave me my first taste of Jonah Ray and boy, I did not like what I saw. The topic of the show was basically how to get away with being a scumbag, like stealing people’s drinks and touching girl’s asses, presented in a faux educational film format. Jonah was a very bland, cookie-cutter “hipster” of this particular era. I knew a zillion guys who looked and sounded exactly like him, with his weak voice, and stories about getting drunk, and not being very nice to women.

The one defining gag I remembered was there’s a part where he gets drunk and grabs a woman’s ass, and then he blames it on some dude also at the bar. Then he leads an angry mob to take him and execute him in a back room just for being in the wrong place at the wrong time, Jonah’s sticky fingers allowed to grab ass another day. It’s a well that comedy of this stripe draws from constantly: we take a staid gag to a more gruesome conclusion, and that’s the joke. The joke is that a character murders another character. I mean, it’s the easiest shit in the world to come up with. I don’t respect it!

I will again make it sorta-clear: Jonah in 2007 is a different guy than Jonah in 2023, at least I assume, so please relegate this scorn to the past. I just like rehashing stuff like this because I’m nasty*

*mentally ill

Tim & Eric Nite Live

I’m gonna cover these puppies eventually, I think! Tim & Eric do their own public access style live internet show. Absolutely essential Tim & Eric. Probably better than a lot of Awesome Show episodes.

Y’All So Stupid

Devin Flynn, who worked on Wonder Showzen, did this sorta stream-of-consciousness trippy animation show that I don’t really remember the particulars of other than it was great. Wikipedia says it’s all on YouTube, but all I could find were unofficial uploads. Better than nothing, I guess! 

SuperDeluxe.com came back in like 2015 for a few years, and it was similar but I don’t think it had quite as much to do with Adult Swim. There was also ThingX, which was another SuperDeluxe-style internet-only turner network, I think? All I know is early episodes of On Cinema debuted on there before they too got absorbed by Adult Swim.

MAIL BAG

Im awfully jealous of your message board friends actually, yes

I’m sorry! Making friends is hard, especially these days. Maybe go outside and do your coolest trick or move until somebody notices and you will have a crew in no time. Good advice? I don’t know.

[purplesurveys]

1606

Do you remember much from high school? Some snippets here and there, but it’s not like my memory is superpower-levelsof good. If anything, I know my old survey blog is still hanging around here and I told so much shit about high school in there, while I was actually in high school.

Where would you go for the ultimate honeymoon? I’d love to go traveling around West Asia and follow it up with a second leg in North Africa.

Can you access the roof of the building you live in? Well we have a rooftop, so yes.

Do you know anyone who has a strong accent that is hard to understand? Occasionally my clients will have regional higher-ups join our calls and they would have very thick accents that I’d sometimes struggle to understand, yes.

If you had to get a tattoo tomorrow, what would you get? Seven dots in the order of BTS’ mic colors. I also want to incorporate a 7 in there but I still don’t know how; might be something I ask help for from the tattoo artist.

What was the last podcast you listened to? Do you listen to it regularly? The last one I remember listening to is Dispatches From Myrtle Beach, which is a podcast by GMM’s Link and his dad. I loved the pilot a lot, but as I’m not a usual listener of any podcast I didn’t really catch up. My focus when listening is pretty shaky so podcasts and I have never really worked well together.

Are you more of an optimist or a pessimist, and why do you think this is? Optimist. I was a raging pessimist in the past and I’ve learned that always looking at the bad side of things has never helped me nor helped the situation get better. I like looking at things realistically if anything, but I’m never always like, “this is going to shit” or “I’m going to be so bad at this.”

When was the last time you moved house? That would be 15 years ago.

Have you ever held a gun? Did you fire it? I held some sort of practice gun once, at Athenna’s place. I still don’t know whether that was a real one or what.

Do you like simple questions or deep questions that make you think? You mean on these surveys? Simple ones. I go here for a distraction, so for the most part deep questions that would make me need to mull over my answers kinda defeats that purpose.

How long have you been using Bzoink? I’ve been checking it out since like ‘09, but never made an account since I primarily post surveys here. 14 years!

When was the last time you threw up? Why were you sick? Nausea from too much screentime. Work, as always.

Are you on a first-name basis with your boss? (or last boss if unemployed) Yep, honorifics are thrown out the window for the most part. It’s meant to make everyone comfortable with one another and confident to share ideas.

What brand is your laptop or computer? Apple.

Would you ever wear a bright orange shirt? I find it hard to imagine doing so, tbh. 

What was the last thing you wrote in a word document? Probably December before we went on shutdown.

Who do you miss and what do you miss about them? My grandpa. I miss talking to him; he was an incredibly intelligent person. I’m mostly sad I was too young to fully appreciate the little factoids and anecdotes he would share – and also because I never did get to share a drink with him.

What were the best and worst costumes you've ever worn? Best would be dressing up as Sofie for one Halloween - it’s my favorite because it ended up being the most resourceful/cheapest and the most popular in my friend group lol. Worst would probably just be the generic princess/pirate costumes we’d buy last-minute at the department store.

Do you know anybody who is gay and married? Yes, a prof I had in college. Media law is what they taught.

What did you last take painkillers for? A headache from fluctuating temperatures all day.

Are there any hobbies you want to get back into? Reading. I already have two books lined up for me to read, which is a great start to 2023. I imagine I’d be getting into it more as I become closer with Kat (my cousin’s fiancée), who’s as big a bookworm as it gets.

Have you ever shared a home with a friend? I have not.

What's the craziest or weirdest place you've ever slept? The fucking parking lot at Metrowalk. What in the utter fuck was I thinking.

What did you have for lunch today and who made it? It’s 9:57 AM.

Do you believe in anything supernatural like ghosts or ghouls? No.

How many hours of sleep did you get last night? Around 5. Slept at 3, woke up at a little over 8 this morning.

Are you allergic to anything? How did you find out? Grass, apparently. And certain fabrics that I haven’t figured out yet because my rashes apper randomly, lmao.

What's your favourite Thai dish? Pad thai and green curry.

Do you have any alarms set? What time and what for? Yeah but I rarely set them on. It’s for waking up for work if I feel like I’ll have trouble waking up the next morning.

What are you going to do when this survey is over? Play with the dogs.

Have you ever been on a date with someone you met online? How was it? Nope.

What colour is the rug in your living area? Grey.

Do you call it a couch, sofa, lounge or something else entirely? I alternate between couch and sofa.

Who is your favourite character on Friends? Chandler. I’m most similar to Monica so I like her too.

When was the last time you used a pair of headphones and what for? My dad got a pair of headphones for the family raffle last Christmas and my sister and I gave it a quick try to make sure it works fine. Describe the temperature of the area you're in right now. It’s hot during the day but can be very cold at night.

Who was the last very physically attractive person you saw? This girl at church who turned out to be someone from my high school once I got to take a better look at her, lol.

Have you ever had teppanyaki? No, it doesn’t really appeal to me. This is why I could never count Japanese as a top fave cuisine of mine lol – I only ever really regularly eat sushi and sashimi, oh and ramen too. Not so much of the fuller rice/meat dishes they’ve got.

How long does it take you to get ready before you go somewhere? Around 30-45 minutes. I take longer now; I never know what to wear.

Do you find it difficult to get rid of material possessions? I will say that I’m a bit of a hoarder, yes. Not reality-TV levels of bad, but I do find it hard to get rid of things.

What sort of games do you like to play? Just easy Mario ones, man. I’m terrible at video games. GTA is fun too but I only ever use it for the open-world feature and eating at restaurants LOL and not actually doing the missions.

What was the last candy you ate? These toffee candies given to my mom as a Christmas gift - they taste exactly like Ferrero Rocher.

Have you ever been hit in the face? What's the story? Yeah, by my brother and is the reason I do not talk to him. Family argument got out of hand, and he, the youngest, was the first to raise a hand.

Do you know anyone who is deaf? I used to know somebody. My great-grandma’s former househelp was mute and deaf.

Name one thing on your bucket list. Going to Korea!

[thebibliosphere]

I had a question.

So, just an hour or two ago, I was going through some sort of “manic high”, sorta like how somebody with bipolar disorder would have (I don’t have BPD). It felt like a bullet train at max speed and completely derailing, and it was incredibly draining. It also got me wondering.

Do people with severe enough ADHD deal with ADHD episodes like this? My search attempts are often futile because all of it is just talking about how to differentiate between BPD and ADHD and BPD manic episodes, but nobody ever mentions ADHD episodes; the only time I’ve seen it mentioned ever was when somebody made a clip of crankgameplays to show what an ADHD episode looked like.

Do they even exist? I’ve got no idea, so I was just wondering if you knew.

Hey! Sorry, I saw your other ask a while ago, but I wanted to talk to my ADHD specialist before I answered because I’d never heard of the term “episode” being used to describe ADHD. I’m also going to splice both questions together here and answer them in segments in the hope it helps :)

So like I said, I’d never heard of the term “episode” with ADHD, and neither has my specialist. Part of ADHD is having a natural ebb and flow between inattention and hyperactivity, sometimes skewed toward one or the other, depending on your ADHD type. (What are the different types of ADHD?)

Your type of ADHD may also fluctuate because of other factors, such as stress, changes in medication, hormonal fluctuations, lack of sleep, overstimulation, or even under-stimulation, to name a few. Another overlooked part of ADHD is emotional dysregulation, which may cause rapid cycling emotions that may look like an “episode” to someone unfamiliar with what that actually qualifies. The way my therapist explained it and using your example of bipolar disorder, “episode” is used in diagnostic criteria to categorize manic or depressive episodes that last X amount of time, are usually severe, potentially requiring hospitalization, and are accompanied by other symptoms not found in ADHD.

Our “bursts” of energy or lack thereof typically don’t last long enough to be considered episodes. This isn’t to say they are not severe or debilitating, especially if you suffer from things like anxiety or depression that ADHD can feed into. Merely that “episode” is not used as part of the language used to discuss ADHD, which is likely why you’re not finding anything.

So, do ADHDers experience intense bursts of energy that are draining afterward? Yeah, we can do, especially if we lean more toward hyperactive than inattentive. (And again, it's normal to fluctuate and also for things to be affected or worsened by secondary factors.)

And I'm going to put the rest under the cut because this is hella long.

I’ve seen some people think that all hyperactivity has to come with fixation, but that’s not how ADHD works. It’s true if something gets us excited or gives us a dopamine boost, we might be more prone to becoming hyperfixated and burn all our energy up on that. But you don’t need something to fixate on to experience hyperactivity. Some of us are just wired to the moon sometimes, and yes, it can be very draining when it ends. Some people find medication helpful in regulating their hyperactivity/preventing it from coming in such big swings and dips.

Speaking personally, when I'm hyper and nothing is grabbing my attention, the world and people around me can feel painfully slow. It's like I'm going a mile a minute doing everything but achieving nothing. The crash that comes after can also be particularly bad, as I also have dysthymia, which can tip over into a major depressive episode depending on other factors in my life at that time. For years I was misdiagnosed as having "probably Bipolar Type II" by a doctor who didn't believe teenage girls could "get" ADHD* and convinced my parents I needed psychoactive drugs. The drugs I was on didn't help, in fact, they made me worse so I was taken off them.

It wasn't until I found an ADHD specialist as an adult a few years ago that I made any real progress. And I'll be honest, I was shocked when she diagnosed me with ADHD, I really didn't think I had it. Right up until we started doing the work and slowly but surely my mental health began to improve and my understanding of myself with it.

Sometimes there are days when I will be wired to the moon and it will derail my entire day because I can't focus on a single thing/I'll focus too much on a single thing. Other times, like when I am closer to my menstrual cycle, I'll crash into inattentiveness and depression because of how my hormones affect my various different conditions, including my ADHD. Medication would likely help with this, but due to medical reasons, that's currently not an option for me so I do the best I can.

That said, if you’re experiencing something more than hyperactivity but it's not mania, you may be experiencing a form of hypomania and you should talk to a doctor about your concerns.

Hypomania typically occurs in Bipolar Type II disorder, which is less severe than the manic episodes in Bipolar I. I’ve experienced both manic and hypomanic episodes in my life due to medication interactions, and they felt very different from ADHD hyperactivity. It's not just derailing mile-a-minute thoughts, it's something usually completely mood-altering and out of control feeling followed by devastating crashes.

If you're on any medications and are worried you are experiencing something like this, you need to talk to your doctor. You might just need a dosage tweak, or you might be better off on a different medication altogether. Also, make a thorough check of any and all medications you are taking to check for any interactions.

I'm on a cocktail of meds for my MCAS, which if I were to combine them with the SSRI one of my doctors wants me to try, would result in serotonin syndrome. The doctor didn't notice this, but the pharmacist sure as shit did!

Some people (ask me how I know) even develop mild hypomania from overusing the sunlamps used to treat SAD (link), which is why brands like Verilux now include warnings in their leaflets about not using the lamps for more than X amount of time a day. Thankfully it goes away once you stop overusing the lamps.

Which actually brings me to something you asked last time about being unable to sleep at night. Insomnia and delayed sleep phase cycles are not uncommon in ADHD. This is likely because our circadian rhythm is thought to be out of whack (link).

You also mentioned having racing thoughts at night too, which is not uncommon either with hyperactivity. I find if I get overstimulated before trying to sleep, I’ll end up lying there awake with what I like to call “radio ADHD” playing in my head. It can range from snippets of songs stuck on repeat, conversations, things I’ve watched on TV, arguments, or if something is happening the next day, fixating on not being late for it. Hence, I end up getting no sleep because you can’t accidentally sleep in if you don’t sleep. *jazz hands of despair.*

Sometimes I find Radio ADHD soothing if it’s fixating on something chill, but it can get annoying fast and even distressing if I’m tired and can’t “change the station.” (I’d say “shut it off,” but as of yet, I’ve never been able to do that. Medication helps some people with this, as can looking into “sleep hygiene” if you haven’t already.) Conversely, if I’m bored or something is too stressful, I will 100% fall asleep because my brain would literally rather just turn off than do something I don’t want to do or is a low dopamine reward task.

Brains are fun.

Anyway, I uh, I am not sure if any of this is useful to you, but I hope it helps. Mostly I'm just repeating back what my specialist said when I asked her about it lol. Good luck, and I hope you figure things out.

----

*NB: It's important to note that ADHD and Bipolar Disorder can be comorbid. It's not a one or the other situation. I’m just throwing it out there in case hearing that helps someone else pursue the proper diagnosis!

[mandalorianfleshenjoyer]

Mandalorian headcanons I use in fanfiction

I don’t have one single story published because... I don’t finish them, but I’ve got loads of snippets with tasty worldbuilding of Mandalore and its system (aka, lots of made up things so the universe doesn’t feel as hollow). Although most are about Wrens because I LOVE them. Also, I’m not including clans I created since I’ll probably make another post for those. I have too many of headcanons either way so I might add onto the list once I recall them.

Keep in mind, those are HEADCANONS. They’re not canon. It’s simply something I did for fun in my spare time.

Everything is below the cut. Enjoy the read :)

Each clan has its own dialect and accents. Some are less comprehensible than others, so an outsider may have trouble understanding whatever the fuck the mando is saying to him, even if knowing Mando’a well. But some Mandos just like to fuck with outsiders.

This is also a wonderful reason to poke fun at other clans. It’s normal.

Since Mando’a is a language that’s mostly spoken, not everyone knows how to write. Sure, they can read just fine, but writing is a completely different skill. Higher born Mandalorians (Lord, Countess, Duchess etc.) are of course taught how to do both since young age.

Most Mandalorian planets are barely habitable after countless wars. Very few have soil that allows for healthy crops to grow. Which means that if a clan’s economy is based on agriculture, they’re sitting on big a pile of money. 

Mandalore has a season of toxic thunderstorms. Leaving the dome without  sufficient protection will result in radiation sickness, or worse.

Wrens are known for being vengeful and extremely destructive. They’re also mockingly called Wrensonists (Wren+arson, if you don’t get it), not that there isn’t a rumour that pyromania runs wild in the royal family. Ursa Wren was feared for a reason during Death Watch’s campaign.

Nobody likes Maul except for Rooks and the Saxons. Fuck that guy.

There’s a Romeo & Juliet-esque story about two Mandalorians from Clan Kryze and Vizsla respectively and nobody ever takes it serious. Except for the poets.

Clan meetings never were or will be peaceful and quiet. Give them two minutes and the Clan Heads will be yelling at each other over stuff that happened years ago, because Mandalorians are so fucking vindictive. It provides wonderful entertainment, though!

Orphanages don’t last long on Mandalore (especially in Sundari) because Clans visit them regularly like it’s a shopping trip.

Mandalorians don’t usually follow the traditional family structure. A child could have three fathers if it wanted. Eight moms. Ten dads. It’s a free market. Not all clans (or smaller groups) follow those principles, though, but it’s common for children to be raised together in clans.

Mandalorian cuisine is very spicy. It’s a fact. Sometimes they forget to tell the outsiders said fact. It happens.

Nobody knows how the fuck Alrich Wren managed to charm Ursa Wren, and at this point they’re too afraid to ask. Man can barely aim straight but he marries one of the most powerful clan leaders, all while not belonging to any significant clan. Not even their children know, because they always tell a different, outragous story on how they met.

One of those stories is true, but they’re not telling.

You know those weird videos of slavs doing the weirdest shit in the middle of buttfuck nowhere? That’s them. That’s the Mandalorians. That’s what they do inbetween wars.

They record these circumstances and share them. Kryze are known for the worst (and the best) jetpack tricks. Vizslas make the weirdest Kom’rk mods. Rooks have the most ambiguous holovids. Eldars probably spark the most drama. Wrens’ personal best was when they transformed a trashcan into a cannon.

Sabine was banned from Clan Wren’s kitchen at the age of seven for setting it ablaze “by mistake”. Apparently it’s a tradition, because her mother was banned for a similiar incident when she turned nine.

Tristan writes poetry, but he refuses to share it with anyone. His father is very encouraging of his creativity.

A Mandalorian is scary. A Mandalorian parent is terrifying. A pregnant Mandalorian is a ticking time bomb you should not disturb if you value your life.

Bo-Katan sees her history with Death Watch as that edgy, rebellious teenage period of your life that you deny ever happened. Ursa just brags how many things she managed to burn.

Alrich couldn't aim straight if his life depended on it. He can get creative with blades, though.

Mandalorian game nights can be worse than years long wars and may lead to assassination attempts within the family.

Satine and Bo-Katan would always fight (as all siblings would), but not in traditional, Mandalorian way. They’d yell at each other for hours without an end. Sometimes it would come to an abrupt end with Bo-Katan throwing any available piece of furniture at her sister. Satine has a scar on her arm after one such assault.

Sorry, Satine HAD a scar lmao

Sabine was a fucking menace as a toddler. Tristan was totally chill. It terrified Ursa, because by her standards, if a baby had gone suddenly silent + missing, it meant it was up to something and that something was arson 90% of the time. Tristan on the other hand would just fucking sleep through most of his toddlerhood (thank god).

Sabine used to skate, until she fell under the ice by accident. That’s when her fear of water started. 

If circumstances were different, Bo-Katan would 100% be a wonderful aunt to both Sabine and Tristan.

Tiber Saxon was the wonder child, but he was constantly in Gar’s shadow.

[andypantsx3]

subtle | 2 | Shouto Todoroki/Reader

pairing: Todoroki Shouto / Reader

status: complete

length: 2,265 words

summary: Someone leaves chocolates on your desk. You’re determined to track down the sender, certain it’s a mistake, and Shouto Todoroki makes himself as unhelpful as possible.

tags: romance, reader-insert, fluff, valentine’s day

warnings: aged up characters (no smut though!!)

notes: Hi all! Happy Valentine's Day! I'm posting a follow up chapter because so many people asked for it in my inbox. It's completely unedited because I just decided to write it today, and I wanted to get it up before the holiday was over! I promise I will come back and edit at some point in the next few weeks.

No one had come for the box.

You’d made a point to be out of your office as much as possible throughout the day, leaving plenty of opportunity for whoever the sender was to sneak back in and correct their mistake. But every time you reentered the room, there the box was, crowning a pile of your paperwork like a coronet of ineptitude.

You’d checked in with Shouto several times as well, anxious to learn whether or not he’d overheard anything as he changed out of his uniform from patrol, but he proved just as unhelpful as he’d been earlier this morning. He simply leaned towards you, looking almost conspiratorial--spiking both your heart rate and your hopes--only for him to murmur in his low voice, “No one is coming for it.”

Which was so fucking unhelpful.

So you’d set about the office yourself, lingering hopefully on the fringes of people’s conversations, peering about for clues on the agency staffer’s desks, but there was nothing to give the sender away, no whispered snippet of conversation or receipt laying amongst some expense sheets. You might have resorted to sifting through people’s garbage cans, if only Shouto hadn’t taken to suddenly appearing wherever you were investigating, watching you with a wry little smile pulling at the corner of his mouth.

You knew he hadn’t the slightest modicum of romantic interest in you, but that didn’t mean you wanted him to witness you digging through people’s garbage either. That would have to wait until you could get him out of the building.

Which was also proving to be an impossible endeavor. He usually had a habit of lingering after his shift, coming into your office to make queries about one thing or another that almost always devolved into conversations deeply unrelated to work. But today he was especially resistant to leaving, seeming content to lounge around in the chairs you’d set out for clients, draping one distractingly muscled arm across the backs and watching you intently with those heterochromatic eyes.

“Shouto, get out of my office,” you hissed, coming back in at the end of the day to find him still in one of the chairs, his phone clutched in those long fingers.

He glanced up at you, eyes fastening to your features in that attentive way he had. “I work here.”

“Is that what you’re doing?” you asked, trying to suppress a small spike of irritation with him. “Because it looks like you’re scaring off the box sender to me. How are they supposed to sneak in here and take it back if their boss is looming in here like their worst nightmare?”

Shouto looked unconcerned. “I’m not.”

“Not what?” you asked. Maybe he wasn’t their worst nightmare, but being caught by your boss in the middle of correcting a romantic mishap was probably at least a nightmare.

“Not scaring anyone off,” he said, putting his phone away into his pocket. “I know who the box belongs to.”

You stopped short, your attention snapping fully towards him. A thrill of excitement went down your spine, even as regret poured through you. A little part of you had maybe hoped you would end up getting to eat the chocolates, even if they weren’t yours. But this was good news.

“You do? Why didn’t you tell me?” you demanded.

Yor feet guided you to the chair where he sat, and you stood, looking down at him expectantly. He watched you through his long lashes, eyes glinting strangely.

“It’s mine,” he said finally, after a moment that stretched long and slow, like warm taffy.

Your breath caught in your chest, a swell of confusion rising within you. The box was his?

Was he being truthful or was this another attempt to make you take it? Why would he have tried to make you think it was from a secret admirer, then? Why have let you run around all day, attempting to find the sender, if the chocolates had been his all along? Unless...

Unless he was embarrassed. You didn’t know why he might have left them in your office, but you suspected maybe force of habit had drawn him here. Maybe he was operating on autopilot after his distracting shift this morning, since he usually spent so much time in your office, and then you’d come in to find them before he’d had a chance to realize it. And the rest had been history.

But then that begged the question of who he’d really meant them for--your heart sank as the thought occurred to you.

Obviously, you had known since you’d first met him that he wasn’t interested in you. You’d spent years with your thoughts all muddled around him, quelling every blush, never straying into his personal space or staring at him longer than was appropriate. You’d been so, so careful around him, but you’d never had any indication that Shouto was as careful around you. On the contrary, he was always calm and intent--he never looked away from you in a fit of bashfulness the way you had him, and he seemed to have no qualms about getting into your personal space, leaning over you as you looked through reports together, putting a hand on your back to guide you through publicity events.

So yeah, you had known he was basically immune to you. You had known it for a long time. But it still smarted to think of him giving that box to someone else.

God, how embarrassing for you. How mortifying, really, that Shouto had been thinking of someone else all those days that you had been nursing your crush on him.

But you were a professional, you could deal with this.

All you had to do was play it cool, give him back the box and laugh it off like it hardly affected you. And then you could head back to your apartment and binge ice cream and be all wistful and embarrassing for one evening. You could allow yourself that before you had to come back and be doubly professional, smile and congratulate whichever analyst or support staffer or fellow hero had caught his interest.

You could be happy for him. You’d miss the chocolates though.

Drawing yourself together, you looked down at him, pulling out a small but genuine smile. Shouto was your friend, and he was going to nail it with whoever the box was meant for--you could give him your support. But then Shouto was unfolding himself out of the chair, standing up so he could look down into your face, taking a step closer to you.

You tried to ignore the flutter in your stomach at his sudden proximity, the hint of his clean cologne and the lick of warmth coming off of his left side.

“They’re, uh, they’re yours?” you managed, forcing yourself to meet his eyes. “You are in such big trouble for coming in here and peddling conspiracy theories instead of owning up to it. You at least owe me a coffee for being such a brat.”

Shouto watched you quietly, saying nothing.

“But we can hash that out later,” you said, waving what you hoped was a casual hand at him. “You need to move quickly. You should try to catch whoever you meant these for before they leave--daytime shift is over in a couple minutes.”

Shouto’s brows knitted, a small frown pulling at his mouth. “You still think they’re not for you,” he said.

It took a minute for you to register the words he’d spoken. The comment struck you dumb when you did, a thrill of disbelief going through you. Was he trying to be tactful now? Now, of all times?

“Shouto, seriously, you can make it up to me later. This is not the time to fuck around, the day’s almost over,” you said.

His eyes narrowed and he stepped closer to you, close enough that you could feel him exhale. You took a step back in surprise, your hip bumping your desk.

“You promised me,” he said in his deep voice, “that if no one came looking for them by the end of the day, you would take them.”

You stared up at him, your mind churning wildly with all kinds of insane thoughts, wild insinuations that brought heat to your face. He absolutely could not mean what you thought he meant.

There was literally no way.

“I don’t understand what you’re trying to say,” you admitted. “But if you’re telling me I can take them just because you promised them, I don’t want them. I think you should give them to who you meant them for.”

That wry little smile played about his mouth again, and Shouto took another step closer. The back of your thighs dug into your desk and you wobbled, putting a hand down to keep your balance.

“To think I trust you with my career,” Shouto intoned, ducking his head to look into your face. You felt the heat of his left arm at your side as he placed it gently on your desk, caging you in. “Let me be plain, then. I did give them to who they were meant for.”

Your cheeks went hot, both with his proximity and the implied insult. But the rejoinder died on your tongue as the implication of his last few words sank in.

He had meant them for you? Shouto Todoroki, number four hero, your coworker of several years and your most patient, attentive, and mind-numbingly handsome friend, had gone to Grégoire Chardin, for Valentine’s Day chocolate, thinking--of all people--of you?

For a moment, it felt like the earth was sliding out from under your feet, but then you realized it was just you, tipping backwards on your desk. Your elbow banged into the side of the chocolate box, and you accidentally sent a small pile of papers fluttering over the side of your desk. You cringed, embarrassed, but then Shouto was over you, both arms braced on either side of your head.

“You don’t need to accept them if you don’t want,” he said quietly, watching your face. The intensity of his focus made your head swim, and you tried to focus on what he was saying, rather than the shape of his mouth as he spoke, the heat from his skin. “But I wanted you to know. I like you.”

You gaped at him, the words feeling like they were embedding themselves in your brain.

“You...like me?” you echoed in disbelief.

Shouto grinned, the expression so disarmingly charming that even your nose went hot. “Yes. Very much.”

A swell of emotions welled up inside you, like the unstoppable tide of a coastal flood, and you were gripped with the sudden desire to lean up and kiss him, to press your mouth to his and see if he meant it, if any of what he’d just said to you could possibly be real. Suddenly, that was the only thought in your entire brain.

“I’m gonna kiss you,” you heard yourself utter stupidly.

You hesitated for just a second, realizing that maybe you should pinch yourself first to see if this was actually happening, but then Shouto was already there, covering your mouth with his.

His kiss was hot and soft and utterly perfect, and very quickly there were no thoughts in your brain at all, nothing but the feel of him over you, one muscled thigh pressing insistently between yours, his long fingers tangling gently in the hair behind your ear. You clutched him to you tightly, an embarrassing little sound escaping you, and Shouto groaned, pressing more of his weight down on you, licking firmly into your mouth.

You were half-delirious with the feeling of him by the time he let you up for air, and you could feel yourself grinning like an absolute fool.

“I had a secret admirer,” you said. “You were being serious.”

Shouto smirked, leaning in to press a hot kiss to your throat. Your thighs clenched involuntarily. “Yes, I had been secretly admiring you for a while.”

For some reason, the words embarrassed you, and you tucked your face into his broad shoulder. “I...this is so embarrassing. I’ve been...admiring you, too.”

You heard Shouto huff a soft laugh, and then his calloused fingers were gripping your chin, angling your face back towards him so he could seize your mouth again. You went slack and pliant underneath him, enjoying the press of his mouth on yours, your toes curling when he did something particularly talented with his tongue.

“I did tell you,” Shouto said after a while, pulling back, one of his hands gripping your thigh.

“Tell me what?” you asked absently, wondering how you could get his mouth on yours again.

His eyes caught yours, the blue of his left glittering at you conspiratorially. “That I could be subtle.”

You laughed, feeling stupid--but more than that, flushed and completely pleased. You didn’t know if subtle was exactly the right word, but you weren’t going to argue specifics at the moment. “I guess you can be. Though you might have been a little bit more overt before now.”

“Then if you don’t mind,” Shouto said after a while, something like amusement in his voice, “I’d like to take you home and admire you quite overtly now.”

You were answering before he could even finish. “Yes, oh my god, yes.”

Shouto laughed again, smoothing a large palm down your side.

And then he did. And not even chocolates from Grégoire Chardin could compare.

[itsbeenahellofayear]

what we got, it don't come easy

Summary: Some things are easy, some things aren't. It can take time to learn what is important.

Warnings: Smut. Maybe not as much as you'd expect from a story thats pretty much only about sex. Some feelings. Language.

Author's Note: It took a while to get this one across the line. The first segment has been written for weeks, but I lacked inspiration, motivation, and was a little burnt out on anything Leaf related for a little bit there. RIP 2021 season....

Thanks to all of you who kept checking in and were enthusiastic about the little snippet I posted. Kind of kicked my writing into gear today!

I crave your feedback - this is weird and disjointed and very personal in a lot of ways, so I'd love to hear what you think!

---

Sex with Auston is easy - that's never been the issue between you.

This thing started with sex - you connected on tinder, got to talking for a couple of days, then went out for drinks.... That wound up with him in your bed, having arguably the best sex of your life.

That first night, lying hot and sweaty and completely satiated, you'd be lying if the thought didn't cross your mind that you could do this for the rest of your life.

It was that good.

-

You don't keep a list of things to try, but you kind of keep a list of things to try.

-

Some things that make the sex with Auston so good:

He's the first guy to encourage you to use your vibrator on your clit while he's fucking you - it's not every single time - sometimes coordination isn't possible when he's fucking into you so good but those times when he's pressing deep into you, hands on your breasts, grip firm just the way you like, and you've just got your vibe pressed to your clit on a low setting and you just shake apart.... Those are good times.

His dick is huge. Like he's big to start, but then he grows. It honestly took a bit of work to find angles that didn't have him ramming your cervix each time, but once you did... He fills you up so good.

He loves to eat you out. You've had your fair share of mediocre oral, but there's something about the way he just goes for it, lets you twist your fingers in his too long hair, makes these little noises into you, that just really does it for you. He'll open you up with his thumbs and just dive his tongue deep inside of you, then move up and basically caress your clit with his tongue. If you're honest you can't even fathom what he's actually doing, it just feels insane.

He lets you ride his face. Now, it's not an every time thing, mostly because if you're going to expend energy on riding him, really what you want is his cock buried inside your aching slit. But sometimes, he'll settle himself on the bed, and you'll just climb on top of him, grip the headboard, and just ride.

-

You might love him.

(Maybe that's why it's good)

-

So the sex has never been the problem.

The problem lies in the in between bits.

In the moments when you're feeling insecure about his fame, and his looks, and the company he keeps. You're not a party girl - you'll go out to the bar once in a while, but people, everywhere, is not really your scene. You know he likes to go out, especially after wins. You know he likes to drink. And sure, sometimes he'll text you, and he'll end up at your place late at night. But sometimes he won't. And so you wonder.

It's also the moments where he just shuts down, internalizes, and won't communicate. You're not one for talking about your feelings, but you do believe in communicating when it's about things that affect someone else! Case in point: you send him a message in the morning on what you know is his off day - he doesn't even read it let alone respond until 8pm. You had asked him if he wanted to meet up for afternoon drinks.

It's also the moments when he says stupid immature shit, when you realize that, no matter how great a family he comes from, he's still a rich, entitled man-child that doesn't really understand the value of a dollar. And that irks you.

A lot.

-

But.

You're just fooling around - keeping it casual.

But.

-

He takes you out to the cottage with some of his boys. The season ended in heartbreak, they're splitting up for the summer, they want to blow off some steam.

You spend the days lazing by the lake, lying in hammocks in the yard, sneaking off for a "picnic" in the woods. And by picnic you mean Auston laid you out on a blanket and ate you out until you couldn't take it.

You spend the nights getting high sitting out by the fire, leaving unsubtly to go back inside to fuck.

It's probably around day 3 when you realize you're legitimately, 100% in love with this guy.

Day 5 you head back to the city, and haven't really talked to him about how you feel.

He leaves for Arizona the next morning.

-

He's not your boyfriend.

He doesn't know you fell for him.

-

The first night you had sex with him – the first night of the rest of your life – you remember thinking you've never felt this full.

Now, months later, you feel like you're empty.

Anytime you think of him, it's like your pussy just clenches involuntarily around what it thinks should be there, inside of you.

You want him so badly, so deeply, and you don't even have a real claim to him because you couldn't open up and tell him that something had changed.

You catch yourself scrolling insta late at night, looking to see if he's posted something that might hint he's out with someone else.

You hate that you're like this.

-

(You never see anything, for the record)

-

He comes back to Toronto in August.

That honestly catches you by surprise.

More so because you're just home on a Saturday afternoon, watching TV when he knocks on your door. Pretty much the last person you were expecting to see, but you can't deny that your heart ends up in your throat at the sight of him, tanned, bulked up, and looking at you like THAT.

"What..." you start.

"Faith" he breathes out.

You don't understand.

He walks forward into your apartment, crowding you back against the other wall of your tiny entryway.

You're still so caught up in him being here. The way he said your name...

You look up at him.

He just presses himself against you and crushes you to him in a hug. You feel him everywhere. The faint spicy scent of his cologne, the heat of his body, the puff of his breath against your neck where his head is pressing.

Engulfed - your brain provides.

"I missed you" he mutters into your neck.

-

Your brain is going a mile a minute.

How is he here? Why didn't he tell you he was coming back? He doesn't need to be back for weeks. Why is he here? What is happening?

You push him back a little. Not off of you entirely, just enough to give you some space to breathe.

"Auston, what?" You try again.

He looks down at you.

Swallows.

"I..." He starts.

Swallows again.

"I needed to see you, Faith."

He looks... Nervous?

"Aus... What's going on?" You ask him, heart racing out of your chest.

He swears.

"I might be reading this thing wrong, this thing we have, but... I want you to be mine."

You feel like you've been hit with a brick.

All you can do is stare at him as your mind struggles to keep up. You feel yourself reaching for him.

"Aus. Yes. Of course."

He blinks. "Yeah?"

"Yeah."

You reach for his hand and pull him to the bedroom.

-

Sex is easy, with you and Auston.

You've never been afraid to ask for what you want. He's never been shy to ask for what he wants. And usually that lines up.

But for the first time since all this started, you feel almost shy with him.

Without discussing it, you both get naked pretty damn quickly. There's a second or twenty where you're just looking at him, drinking in his broad shoulders, his stomach muscles, his trim hips and his thick thighs. God, do you want him.

You might say that last part out loud, from the way he laughs and just picks you up and tosses you on the bed.

You've been soaked since you opened your door, and you're impatient to feel him again. He looks at you and you just whimper his name and he smiles, hitches up your legs, and slides slowly, so slowly, inside you

“Fuck, Aus" you hear yourself.

"You feel so good, baby" he groans out, letting you get used to him stretching you out, leaning down to press a filthy open-mouthed kiss to your lips. He bites at your lips as he starts to move, driving into you in a rhythm that makes you feel so good, hitting you just right.

It’s not enough.

But before you can say anything, Auston pulls back, and changes the angle that your hips are lined up with his and suddenly he’s impossibly deeper, and you just can’t breathe with how good he feels and his hands are on your breasts, and he’s pinching your nipples just right, and you are moaning his name almost like a prayer, and it just slips out.

“Aus, I love you.”

You don’t even realize what you said until he stills for a moment, eyes snapping to yours, and he makes this noise.

“Do you mean it,” he asks.

Its not the time for it, but you’re never going to be his open another time so… “Yeah.”

“God, baby. Yes. I love you too. It’s why I came back. I just wasn’t sure…”

He moves back so he can kiss you, deep and filthy. You feel him, deep inside you, and you just… cling to him. He starts fucking into you in earnest - hard and fast, kissing you the whole time, though it ends up being more like just panting into each others mouths but you can’t get enough of him.

“I’m so close,” you manage to get out.

Auston gets a hand between you and presses his thumb to your clit and you just hear yourself keening.

“I love how you feel around me,” he groans out. “Come for me.”

It doesn’t take long.

You shake apart underneath him, and you feel him pulse inside you and it’s just so much and you can feel tears leaking out from the corner of your eyes, and you just feel so much in that moment.

It’s so much.

-

So sex has never been an issue.

But now it is so much more.