#also yes i am in fact still alive even if u hardly see me on here lol

[nikosasaki]

desperately looking for a good tweet/twitter thread template who can help a friend out

[buckyskorpion]

Do Something Bad, Too - Part 5

Pairing: Alpha!Bucky x Omega!Reader

Summary: It’s like every single Alpha on the planet won’t rest until they’ve confessed their eternal wish for you to mother their children, and it’s getting old. Luckily, that’s a problem Bucky might be able to fix.

Warnings: language, a/b/o dynamics, mentions of violence

A/N: sooooo..... lets not mention the last time i updated this fic was four years, and get excited that im finally updating!! woo!! i really hope this was worth the wait, im very anxious about letting you guys down. let me know what you honestly think! love u all, thank u for sticking with me

series masterlist | main masterlist | my ko-fi

You stay in Nat’s apartment in the Tower for the rest of your heat, which lasts an entire week. Nat comes and goes throughout that time to make sure you’re drinking enough water, to make you dinner or run you a bath, or sometimes just to keep you company when you’re capable of that. She doesn’t stay long, though, aware her presence just makes the unbearableness of going through heat even worse. She also doesn’t mention Bucky’s clothes or anything about that first day, which you’re immeasurably grateful for. You don’t think you could talk about it without crying.

To say you’re humiliated is an understatement. Mixed with that is all this guilt and shame and self-hatred for inflicting that situation on you and Bucky. Mostly for Bucky. He had made it so very clear he was only comfortable helping you with the scent thing, and even with that there were boundaries. You had blown through them all by showing up to his apartment, triggering both your instincts to do things you couldn’t control, and now he probably resented you enough to never want to see you again.

You don’t blame him. It doesn’t stop it from hurting so much, though.

You’ve well and truly fucked yourself now. Not only is it omega instincts driving you towards Bucky now, but also your own stupid, naive heart. You miss his giant hands and broad shoulders that block out the world for a second, narrowing your scope to just the two of you. You miss the way you can breathe around him, how the world doesn’t feel so scary and foreign to you when he’s by your side. It’s crazy because you weren’t even close, you weren’t even really friends, but now you never will be because you’re so goddamn stupid it’s actually astounding.

Nat’s plan had not worked. And this time, you couldn’t even blame her for this colossal backfire. This is all your handiwork.

You’re back in your office, returning to work once your fever died down and you could stand to be in the vicinity of other alphas without passing out. Maybe you’re tapping rather aggressively on your keyboard, and maybe all the techies on the floor can hear you sigh and groan in frustration every two seconds and are sending you strange looks through the glass. Whatever, you’re their boss, they can’t say anything. Besides, your boss has requested some rather strange security upgrades and you’re not sure if it’s within your job description to email Tony Stark and say what the fuck?

It turns out you don’t have to, because Tony Stark comes to you. It’s not often he takes part in the day to day workings of Stark Industries - that’s your job, after all. But he comes striding into your office eating an apple and wearing sunglasses during the middle of the day, and points a ringed finger at you.

“You’re back,” he says, and you find yourself glancing down at your baby-blue pantsuit just to make sure you are, in fact, back. Stark takes a very pointed breath through his nose and adds, “You smell terrible. This is great!”

“Great?” You can’t help but sound bitter. Your smell is hardly great to you. Even after sweating out your entire body-weight and taking more showers than is considered healthy, you still smell like Bucky. You can’t escape him - not your thoughts, not your heart, and certainly not the way your skin seems to emanate him like he’s crawled underneath and set up shop. It’s embarrassing and humiliating, because it’s not real, and just serves to remind you of the terrible mistake you’ve made. You hope beyond hope Stark doesn’t recognise the other alpha scent clinging to your pores.

“Yes, great. I need your help,” he says, sitting down in a chair opposite your desk. You glance at the specs you have open on your computer, the strange security upgrades he wants you to make to the Tower, and then back to Stark’s million-dollar smile. It’s unsettling. You feel a headache forming before he even opens his mouth.

“If this has anything to do with these emails-“

“Those can wait,” Stark says, waving a dismissive hand at your computer. He lobs his applecore into the bin beside your desk as if to punctuate his point, then says, “This is a request on behalf of the Avengers.”

“Um,” you say, rather eloquently. Avengers? What on earth could they want with you, unless- you groan, rolling your eyes to the ceiling. “Natasha.”

“She highly recommended your expertise,” Stark says, and that headache brewing in your temples blooms into a full-blown migraine. He stands, smooths out his slacks, and says without room for question, “Follow me.”

This is how you end up back in the residential floors of the Tower, much to your chagrin, which Stark seems to pick up on. The closer you get to Bucky’s floor the more fidgety you become, heart racing and skin turning clammy until you watch the numbers fly by and you leave him somewhere in the clouds above Manhattan. The elevator doors ding open to a floor that seems to go on forever, full of gym equipment and fancy simulation tech you figure the Avengers must use to train. You find Natasha’s red head on the sparring mats, tackling someone to the ground with her thighs, and glare daggers as you follow Stark into the room.

“She’s alive!” Natasha calls across the room, ignoring your death glare for a knowing smirk. Her voice echoes through the warehouse-style gym floor, drawing the attention of the others in the room. The Avengers, and all of a sudden you feel like an eighteen year old kid watching aliens attack New York on a grainy satellite TV in the desert again. This is like meeting celebrities on another level. Steve Rogers finishes wrapping his hands as he walks over to you and Stark, Sam Wilson beside him, and Natasha gives Clint Barton a hand to help him up from the mats.

“What have you roped me into now, Nat?” you ask, not bothering to hide your frustration. You’ve just about had it with her meddling, but you should’ve known it was a pipe dream to think she would stop.

“We know you’re very busy, we won’t take up much of your time,” Steve Rogers says, extending a hand and introducing himself like he needs to. Captain America needs no introduction.

“I know who you all are,” you say, giving them a nod. “And you’re right, I am busy. So why am I here?”

“You and Nat must get along like a house on fire,” Clint says, earning him an elbow in the gut from Nat herself. You grin, all sharp in the way Nat tells you looks scary in a hot way, and watch as he subtly shifts behind Nat as if to hide behind her smaller frame. It’s only then that you register the scents mingling between them, and realise that Clint Barton is Nat’s omega. She grins at you, beatific and serene, as if she can read your thoughts and knows exactly what you’ve just figured out.

“Let’s not hold (Y/n) up any longer,” Nat says, grinning in a way that always spells trouble for you. “She’s a woman in high demand.”

Stark leads them to what seems to be a large empty space in the training facility, but it’s soon filled with hologram projections from a tiny Starkpad he pulls from his pocket. You fall into step beside Nat, using your height advantage to glare down at her and convey the level to which you want to strangle her right now. She just loops her arm with yours and kisses you on the cheek, frustrating your attempts at intimidation before you can even begin. Bloody Russian spies, you grumble to yourself as you come a halt in front of the holograms.

You’re looking at building specs, that much is obvious. Why, though, is entirely lost on you. The structure is a tall hexagonal building reminding you of a panopticon, with security floors in the centre and what seem to be prison cells surrounding them. Details jump out from Stark’s hologram - security cameras, miniature guards patrolling the floors, thermally sealed doors and electromagnetic force-fields on the cells. It’s a prison, you surmise, and you’re starting to get a bad feeling as to why you’re here.

You turn to Nat and say, “I’m not going back in the field.”

She pats your arm with only a tiny bit of condescension and says, “I’m not asking you to.”

“You’re my Head of Security,” Stark says, then gestures to the hologram building, “If you can design impenetrable security systems, surely you can undo them.”

“You want me to help you break into this place?” you ask. The team all nod, and you look back at the intimidating, virtual-blue building in front of you. “It’s a fortress.”

“Yeah, they really upped the anti on security since I was in there,” Sam Wilson says, earning him a reproachful look from Steve. It does nothing to soothe the anxiety starting to thread through your chest. Failing the Avengers doesn’t seem like an option, but from where you’re standing, neither is breaking into this facility.

“I’ll need to know what it is first,” you say, “Then I can try and help you. Emphasis on try. I’m not a miracle worker.”

“It’s called the Raft,” Steve says, his face growing stony and set as he talks. “It’s a prison designed for enhanced persons by Secretary Ross. After Germany, I broke Sam, Scott, and Clint out. But Wanda-“

“We need to get her out of there,” Clint says. You pretend not to notice as beside you Nat discreetly takes his hand, rubbing her thumb across his bruised knuckles.

“Leave the search and rescue to us,” Stark says, and you watch him shift uncomfortably under some inscrutable looks Steve and Sam are giving him, “We just need your help on how to get into the joint.”

“Simple,” you breathe, but only Nat laughs. This seems like an impossible task, but from the look of  everyone around you, failure isn’t an option. You’re going to have to make the impossible possible. It’s a good thing you’ve had some experience with that - in the military, trapped into sand-filled corners with no foreseeable way out, it really did seem like you were working miracles to stay alive out there. You swallow past a dry mouth and blink through desert-gunked eyes, say, “I’ll need that Starkpad, and some time.”

“You have forty-eight hours,” Stark says. The hologram disappears in a blink as he throws the Starkpad, no bigger than your palm, which you only just manage to catch. Stark clicks his fingers, as if an idea as just occurred to him, and says, “Oh, I almost forget to tell you! The Raft is underwater. Completely submerged, middle of the ocean, super top-secret. Fun, right?”

Your heart drops to your stomach. Fun is not the word you you would use. Only forty-eight hours to break into the most secure facility in the country, if not the world? This day couldn’t possibly blindside you anymore.

As if the universe is conspiring against you, FRIDAY’s voice chimes in from overhead speakers to say, “Mr Stark, Sergeant Barnes is on his way to the gym floor.”

You feel your whole body lock up, heart seizing in your chest - Bucky? Here? You weren’t prepared to see him yet, or speak to him. What would you say? How could you apologise for one of the worst crimes you may have ever committed, and you’ve killed people? Natasha unloops her arm from yours, tries to soothe you with a hand on your back but it does nothing for the anxiety shooting sparks throughout your blood stream.

“How many times have I got to tell that illiterate Soviet popsicle, he’s not on the fucking team,” Stark grumbles, storming towards the elevators with a scowl. Steve clenches his fists, glaring after Stark but Sam holds him back. He mutters something only Steve can hear which makes him close his eyes and exhale sharp through his nose - frustrated, but calming by the nanosecond.

It’s a shame nobody thought to do the same for you.

“What did you just call him?” you say, ignoring Natasha’s warning murmur of your name as you follow after Stark. Maybe you still have some residually elevated hormones from your heat, or you really are just a lovesick idiot who can’t control her temper, but whatever it is has you absolutely incensed. Stark stops dead, clearly caught off guard by the venom in your voice, and spins on his heel to stare at you incredulously.

“Excuse me?” he says, blinking owlishly at you as you lean up into his space. You’re aware you’re overstepping the boss/employee line, but you can’t help yourself. The rage is brewing, and with each laboured breath Bucky’s scent grows stronger and stronger until it’s all you can smell. It settles over your skin like armour, and the urge to protect that hold on you, to protect him, is beyond your control - it’s primal.

“Don’t talk about him like that, ever,” you snarl, watching with satisfaction as Stark’s eyes turn round and wide.

He glances behind you towards his friends and says, “Are we sure she isn’t an alpha? Sheesh.”

“Tony,” Natasha warns, but it’s too late. You use the palm of your hand to slam into Stark’s solar plexus. You kick out his kneecap and he drops on one knee, wheezing and gasping for air. It all happens so fast you can’t even think about the repercussions of assaulting your boss, let alone what’s driven you to do it in the first place.

“I don’t need to be an alpha to kick your ass,” you hiss, glaring down at Stark who looks up at you like you have, in fact, lost your mind.

At that moment, the elevator dings and reveals Bucky practically seething behind the elevator doors. He storms in, larger than life - in the week or so it’s been since you’ve seen him, you’ve somehow forgotten how physically intimidating he actually is. You immediately step back from Stark’s kneeling figure, feeling the strange need to hide your hands behind your back like a kid caught with the cookie jar. Bucky glances wildly between you, Stark on the ground, and the ring of Avengers in different states of attempting to intervene. He heaves ragged breaths and is emitting a scent that threatens to take you to your knees, too. Authoritative, powerful, protective.

That submissive, animalistic side of you makes you really hate being an omega sometimes.

“Why is she here?” Bucky asks someone behind you, probably Natasha. He swings his, frankly, frightening gaze to Stark and demands with just as much venom as you had, “What did you do to her.”

“Jesus Christ, nothing!” Stark wheezes, clutching at the spot on his chest you’ve definitely bruised. He points an accusing finger at you and cries, “She hit me!”

“I’m so sorry,” you say, feeling your hands start to shake where you clutch them behind your back. You look to Bucky like maybe he can explain, which makes you sick to your stomach because he’s not yours to look towards. Now, more than ever, that is abundantly clear. “I don’t know what came over me.”

“I do!” Natasha pipes up behind you, helpful as ever. Bucky glares at her for you this time, releasing you of his burning-hot stare. His gaze has the power to paralyse you, and you need to get away from him, this, all of it - right now. You don’t get a chance to, however, before Natasha once again sticks her foot in it and says, “She was defending your honour, James.”

“Yeah, and I’ve no idea why. One quick google search should tell you he doesn’t need any-“

It takes you a second to realise the snarling, growling sound echoing through the gym is coming from you. Your face burns as you roll your lips together, cutting the sound off completely. For your entire life you’ve been headstrong and confident, but this whole experience with Bucky from the very first day you met him has shaken your entire self-perception. Everything you’ve known has been turned upside down - it was easy when all alphas were assholes, and you were one omega they couldn’t fuck with. Now, you stare down at your shoes and refuse to look in Bucky’s direction because he’s affected you so much you can’t even control yourself anymore. The worst part is that it’s entirely your own doing, because Bucky made it very clear you aren’t the one he wants, so everything you’re doing right now is just incredibly humiliating.

“(Y/n)?” Bucky’s voice makes you shudder. Looking at him would surely make you burst into flames, from embarrassment of the last time you saw him which you can’t even think about, or from the shame of pathetically defending a man who doesn’t want anything to do with you. He doesn’t even want you here, storming up to ask why you’re in his home in the first place.

“I’m gonna go,” you say, giving Bucky a wide berth as you head for the elevators. You can’t get there fast enough, practically sprinting to press the close-door button as fast as you can.

“Wait-“

And then, the absolute worst thing happens. You almost crush the Starkpad still in your hand from clenching your fist so hard - you have to, in order to keep your hands by your sides and not in Bucky’s personal space. Because just as the doors are about to slide closed, he slips in between them and FRIDAY seals you both in. The elevator fills with Bucky Bucky Bucky, just like your heat-addled brain has been chanting at you since you stumbled into his apartment a week ago.

Bucky stares at you wide-eyed, and you stare back just the same. This could possibly be your worst nightmare come to life, especially when the elevator screeches to a halt and FRIDAY’s dulcet tones hammer your fate home.

“I appear to be having some technical difficulties,” FRIDAY says, sounding confused if an AI can sound like anything. “I’m so sorry, I’m trying to fix this. It seems someone is manually overriding my control of the elevator.”

“Nat,” you groan, in unison with Bucky. So that’s it. You’re stuck in an elevator with Bucky and are being forced to face the music, by the powers that be. The powers being Natasha, a no good meddler who is going to be in a world of pain when you get out of here. Alpha be damned.

[obiwhat]

thank you so much @volleyball-idiot for the req luv!! sorry it took a lil while, i sort of wrote,,,, a LOT,,, hehehee hope u enjoy!! 🥺🤲💗💗

Always

(AO3)

warnings: violence, language, blood, the usual expedition madness

A knock echoed through Erwin’s office room as the sound of rain on his windowsill threatened to wash it out entirely. But he knew that knock. Three sharps raps on the wood meant his loyal captain. It meant Levi was here, late in the night.

“Come in.”

The door opened quickly as he walked into the room, as familiar with the space as his own office. With a quick glance up he could see Levi’s usually stoic face seemed to be drooping into a deep frown. Erwin knew what had caused it. The captain had heard about the expedition plans. This late night meeting was to be expected, but his nerves still hung low in his stomach. 

Levi jumped straight into it.

“Have you seen our numbers from the last recruitment? We don’t have nearly enough trained soldiers to protect the east side. They hardly even know the formation.” Levi pointed out, he didn’t like the look in Erwin’s eyes. It meant he was well aware of the fault in the formation.

“That’s why I will lead from that section.” 

“You?” One eyebrow rose. The rest of the section leaders had also seemed concerned when he’d told them this, but most tended to blindly trust his calls. Levi wasn’t like them.

“Yes. Me.” Erwin repeated himself, eyes remaining on his stack of papers below. He knew what he was getting himself into with this plan, including the displeasure it would cause Levi.

“May I ask why the hell you would be the one to lead them?” 

It was a fair enough question.

“They will be weaker on that side and I know the formation best, I will be able to instruct them as we go.” Erwin explained, straightening himself.

“That’s the most idiotic idea I’ve ever heard. Why don’t we just wait a few weeks and drill some common sense into them?” 

“We don’t have the time. You know the interior is pressuring us to have new reports by next week. If we don’t deliver again, they’ll defund us entirely. The expedition will commence as planned tomorrow morning.”

“Erwin.” 

Levi’s teeth were gritting together, Erwin finally peeled his eyes from the paper below to truly look at him. He was practically oozing with anger, confusion, something else he couldn’t name. He wanted to look away as soon as he’d seen him.

“I won’t let you throw yourself away like this. For what? A little write up for the interior?” He sucked in breath through his teeth. “I won’t let you.” 

His hands were tightening into balls at his sides, for a moment Erwin thought he might try to knock him out right now, to miss the expedition entirely.

“Levi. I appreciate your concern. But the facts remain. I am replaceable.” He swallowed. “If I am to die tomorrow the chain of—”

“Replaceable...?” 

Erwin was expecting a lash out. He expected Levi to break everything fragile in the room. To break his nose along with it. But the anger was long gone now. He just looked broken. As if that simple word had broken off a piece of him.

The commander straightened himself in his desk chair with a creak and remained firm in his positioning. This was for humanity. This was essential.

“Yes.” He turned his head down to the papers below again. This wasn’t how he wanted to say his goodbyes. But it was the only way. “Was that all, Levi?”

“Don’t talk to me like that.”

“What do you mean?”

“Don’t talk to me like this doesn’t matter! Like you don’t fucking matter!!” He yelled now. Anger pulsing from him in shivers as he slammed a fist on Erwin’s desk. 

“Where does that leave me, huh? What the hell am I supposed to do then?” 

“Your duty.” 

Levi sucked in a sharp breath. He couldn’t find Erwin’s eyes, as he hid them from view. He blocked him out. Put a thick wall between them to make it easier. 

Was that all? 

Was there nothing else he would say to him? 

There was just duty and orders holding them together? 

After all of these years…

Levi felt his world collapse. He was unconsciously holding his breath tight in his lungs as his eyes traced Erwin’s form. There was nothing he could say or do to change his mind. This was set in stone. 

—

The forest was quiet.

There wasn’t much to be said in the first place.

The faces of the sparse recruits held crippling fear as they passed through the overgrown trees. Surely, they knew what their situation was now. Not even the presence of their commander could soothe their anxieties. 

It wasn’t long until the first set of footsteps was heard. Titans from the rear. Erwin shot the warning flare for them as soon as he noticed it, recognizing the sound immediately. 

Just one. Slowly coming about the rear as some hardly trained soldiers screamed at it in horror. It was probably their first time ever seeing one. It would most likely be their last.

For just then, Erwin noticed something off about it. It was bending low as it walked, as if it were about to… 

The titan started leaping and sprinting sporadically, heading full speed into the back row of the soldiers. It grabbed them left and right, tearing through them in seconds. 

An abnormal… Perfect…

The back row was demolished in a wave of blood and terror as other young soldiers seemed stunned with paralyzing fear. They watched their comrades die out in a blink of an eye. In moments, there were hardly any recruits remaining. They would have to outrun it, there was no use fighting if he’d have to manage on his own. Erwin knew this. These few untrained soldiers were no match for an abnormal.

“Scatter!” Erwin choked out a demand as another recruit was smashed into the ground beside him and scraped up to be eaten whole. 

There were flashes of bodies flying from his peripheral vision. Screams of horror and pain that years of service allowed Erwin to block out. He kept his eyes trained forward as trees passed him by. His horse was fast but he could still hear the heavy footsteps gaining on him. 

“Switch to ODM gear now!!” Erwin doubted if anyone was left to hear him anymore, the screams were dying out. His wires spread out in front of him and propelled him forward, through the mass of trees.

Everyone in his section was dying in an instant. 

They never stood a chance. Maybe he knew this from the beginning. But the middle would be safe. The rest of them would be safe now. Levi would be… 

His duty was done. 

A hand slashed out to his side, barely missing him as he maneuvered around it. It was too fast. The titan would surely catch him any minute.

Another humongous hand was reaching for him as his gas got low from pushing it so hard. He was hardly hovering over the grassy ground. It wouldn’t be long now…

“Idiot!! Watch your left!”

A swift hand shoved him out of the way at the very last moment, just before a large fleshy fist could make a deadly impact.

He felt his breath flee his lungs in a hurry as he collided with the moss covered ground, tumbling on his back. He felt twigs and grass rough up his face as shock stole anyway any kind of conscious thought. 

It was a fate more desirable to that of the person who’d saved him, he knew. The impact dizzied his vision, so he couldn’t see what had happened to them. Erwin twisted on the ground, flailing his head around to see who had sent him flying. But he already knew. God, he knew that voice all too well.

His blue eyes were searching, frantic, in a haste to find him. To find Levi. Surely he’d survived. There was no movement, no sign of him anywhere.

The abnormal was racing back around. It looked confused, obviously having lost sight of its prey. Erwin used it’s confusion to his advantage and swung behind the trees, finding it’s neck and slashing a vengeful cut through it’s nape. He watched it fall as he perched himself high in the trees to have a better look around him. 

No sign of titans. No survivors. Just steam rising in the trees.

That’s when he finally spotted him, amongst the dead soldiers on the forest floor. 

Levi.

His body was curled up on his side in the leaves. Unmoving, unresponsive as Erwin began to cry his name.

No. 

No, no no.

He swung down, knees catching grass and moss as he slid to his captain’s side. His hands hovered over him, trembling without end. 

This can’t be happening. Not him. He wasn’t supposed to be here…

“Levi…?” His voice died in his throat as he turned the man over on his back and spotted red. Bright red dripping down his face steadily. It was coming from his hairline. Erwin brushed his hair back gently as his head hung low over the man. He kept his callus palm on his cheek.

He couldn’t breathe, he couldn’t think. Everything in his vision went dark besides the bleeding form in front of him. Levi was all he could see. Maybe it had always been that way. The commander shut his eyes desperately as tears started to form. 

“Hey asshole.” It was barely a slurred rasp but Erwin huffed a laugh.

He felt a wave of breath leave his lungs. He could finally breathe again. Levi was awake. 

He was alive. 

“I thought you were… Levi… Don’t ever do that again.” There was no anger in his tone. He could barely speak as he caressed his cheek slowly, savoring the warm there. Levi’s warmth.

“I could say the same t’you.” He looked annoyed, but only on the surface. He was glad to see that Erwin made it out as well and that his desperate move paid off.

“You're slurring your words. You’re probably concussed.” Erwin knitted his eyebrows together and watched Levi’s gaze turn a bit glazed.

“T’would explain why there’s two of you.” He huffed a breath as he closed his eyes again, tightly.

“No, stay awake Levi. Don’t fall asleep.” Erwin commanded him, immediately drawing the man’s eyes open again. 

“Resting my eyes. M’head’s killing me.”

“Keep them open. Focus on my voice and stay awake.” 

Levi mumbled something incoherent as he watched the cogs turn in Erwin’s mind. Something he’d always found entertaining to see. Erwin ignored him and started untying the cravat from around his neck.

“Oi… Wh’you doing?”

“I need to wrap your head with something.” 

“No, you’ll get blood all’over it. S’disgusting.” He didn’t put up much of a fight as Erwin successfully pulled it off his neck.

“Levi, there already is blood all over it.” 

Head wounds tend to bleed more heavily. After years of service, he’d seen his fair share to know this well. The steady stream from Levi’s hairline had already found his white cravat and sank red into its porcelain color. Levi’s face fell into a frown as he saw it.

“Oh.” Levi spoke lazily as he watched Erwin gently tying it around his head. 

“Do you have any flares left?” He asked as he finished tying the wound tightly. Levi winced slightly in response.

He shook his head, then regretted it immediately as his vision continued to spin even when he stilled his gaze. “Probably lost’m when I fell.” 

“That’s alright. Surely one of the horses is still alive.” 

Erwin put his fingers in his mouth and whistled loudly. Desperate for any horse that might respond. If an abnormal had attacked them, that meant that others might be nearby. With little gas left and Levi’s current condition, they had to move quickly or they would die before sunset.

Thanking his sudden turn of luck for the day, Erwin noticed the familiar sound of hooves across the leaves of the forest. He gave the horse a grateful rub on its neck as it approached them. He turned to find Levi’s eyes closed again, he cursed.

“Hey.” He shook Levi’s shoulders softly, stirring him awake again. “What did I say about falling asleep? Keep your eyes open, Levi.”

“So bossy.” There was a nearly drunken look crossing the man’s face as Erwin gently lifted him off the ground. He groaned in pain at the sudden movement. Stars clouded his vision.

Erwin carried him up onto the saddle. The injured man tipped forward lazily as his dizziness threatened to engulf him for a moment. Erwin just barely caught him by the chest before he went tumbling right off the saddle.

“Stay awake, Levi.” He demanded again, his grip on his chest was firm and steady.

“Easy… you t’say.” 

Erwin could barely make out his words as he spotted sweat building on the man’s forehead. Levi’s speech was getting worse by the minute which meant his wound was taking its toll. For a moment, he wondered if moving him by horse was even a wise idea. 

They could wait for a rescue party. Survive in the trees for the time being. But would anyone actually come? If it were him, he wouldn’t waste the extra troops. With such little remaining as of late, they couldn’t afford it. Not even for the sake of the corps’ commander or Humanity’s Strongest. 

“M’fine. Would y’get on already?” Levi demanded, sounding rather sour about his current position, halfway hanging off the horse.

Erwin apologized quickly and swung his legs up onto the horse, letting Levi lean his head on his back. He felt familiar slim arms wrap around his middle like a lifeline. Levi’s hold was warm and solid, giving him the reassurance to keep moving forward. He took the reins and shook the horse into motion.

—

The constant bobbing of the horse was making Levi even more dizzy than before, he felt nausea start to creep into his stomach. He would be damned if he got sick on top of everything else.

Instead, he concentrated on the steady thumps of Erwin’s heartbeat in his ear. His commander. His everything. He was safe and warm in his clutch once again. The blood seeping through his cravat and onto Erwin’s jacket was worth it. Just to feel his heartbeat and know he would make it through another day. 

Erwin felt Levi’s arms go a bit slack. His nerves cried out in a wave of anxiety.

“Levi. Can you hear me?” He spoke loudly over the sound of the hooves hitting the ground in a haste. 

“Yeah, yeah. Quit yelling… m’head is gonna explode.”

“Sorry.” He spoke more quietly this time, leaning back a bit towards his captain so he could still hear him. “Are you dizzy at all?”

“Course I am. M’not gonna fall off the damn horse if that’s wh’you’re asking.” 

“Just keep holding tight and try to keep talking if you can, alright?”

“Fine.”

There was a beat of silence. Erwin couldn’t tell if he had fallen asleep or if he was simply thinking of something to say. He waited rather impatiently until he heard Levi’s raspy voice again.

“Erwin.”

“Yes? What’s wrong?”

“D’you still have that scar?” 

He knew exactly what he meant. They both had their fair share of scars, but one stood out. A thin cut along his right palm. From Levi’s blade, originally intended for his throat. All those years ago… 

“I think so. Yes.”

“Lemme see.” Then Levi was gripping at the fabric on his right arm. He switched the reins to his left and brought the arm down so Levi could grasp his hand. He traced the scar with his fingertips ever so gently. 

“I’m sorry.” It was quiet, but clear. As if Levi was trying especially hard to stop slurring his words together. This was something he really wanted Erwin to understand.

“Ever since then… Only wanted t’protect you… Not just because of… my duty… It’s more than that… I… Erwin…”

“Levi…” 

He felt his chest tighten with the anticipation of the words he knew were coming next. Unspoken for years between them. A forbidden phrase, buried deep inside them both.

“I love you.”

Erwin felt Levi’s breath heavy on his back. The way he sank into him like the weight of the world had been lifted from his shoulders. 

“Always have.”

He felt the wind rush through his blonde hair as a smile appeared on his lips. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d smiled this wide. Of course only Levi could bring it out of him.

“I love you too.” He laughed. An honest laugh. He felt a weight lift from his shoulders as well. Years of action had proved these words over and over, but now, they were finally spoken aloud. “I love you, you absolute idiot.” 

“We’re both fucking… idiots.” Levi laughed too. Something Erwin was sure he’d let no one else hear but him. 

The sound of it made his heart flutter and tiny goosebumps form on his arms. He gripped his hand in his own, squeezing it softly.

Erwin suddenly spotted the formation up ahead on the horizon. They were close, they were going to spot them soon enough. Levi would be alright and they would continue their path of idiocy together for a good while longer.

“Almost there, love.” He squeezed the slender hand in his grip once again. A reassurance. A promise.

“When we get’back… you’re buying me a new cravat.” Levi breathed a soft sigh as he made his demand.

“Sounds like a deal.”

[embyrinitalics]

Calamiversary: Link’s POV II

Here’s some more scenes from Link’s POV—about 2.4k worth! (I rly hope this makes up a little bit for the fact that I haven’t updated in two months omg)

But you know how I said that reading through my old stuff makes me cringe? Yeah this is like, way worse. It’s all unedited, and I wrote these in December 2018, so it’s all old. It’s all embarrassing. 😬 But with that disclaimer, I’m going to put my personal feelings aside and let you guys read it if you want 😂

Also now that I’m looking at this I feel like they’re not in chronological order, like that scene with Revali stabbing him should have come after these ones with Mipha, but   o h   w e l l

Here u go!

  Drowning

At first, all that registers is the pain, white and hot across my throat, and the numb realization that I’m going to die.

Of course, it’s not that simple for me.

The half of me that I’m always suppressing senses my weakness, slamming frantically against my defenses in the span of a heartbeat. I have to choose between saving myself and containing it. So I pour everything I am into holding him in, dragging him down with me in a white-knuckled grip. But he fights back.

The pain is agony, a thousand heated needles covering my entire body and then being driven down to the bone in nauseating synchrony. He thrashes in my hold, tendrils of his hate whipping out in places, and my vision blotches white. I feel the deathstroke across my throat heal; the earth quaking beneath my feet; the malice seeping out of me like blood oozing out of a wound.

I can hear myself screaming beyond the war, part agony and part fury. Part man and part beast. It’s slowly tearing me in two, ripping ligaments and shredding flesh as it claws deliriously towards escape. I grapple with him, desperately trying to hold on even as he starts pulling my limbs apart. But I know it’s only a matter of time.

Then I see her. Her light cuts through the pain, through the fear and the hate, brilliant and pure as the sun. I can’t speak; I can only stare, imploring her with my eyes to end me quickly.

She takes my face in her hands and I suck a sudden breath. Her glowing touch is warm and soft, comforting, and not the violent end I had been expecting—the touch of a goddess, and for a moment I can breathe.

Then her light engulfs everything—the woods, my body, and soon my mind. The relief from the pain and the peace of it is so indescribably jarring that I don’t resist, falling headlong into it.

And then I’m drowning. Drowning in the sensation of her between my hands, of the softness of her lips under mine, of the closeness of her. Drowning in sensations that are brand new and millennia old at once. I’m drowning, burning from the inside out, and even though it aches I don’t want it to end.

I remember myself, haltingly, and muster the will to let her go. I drop my forehead against hers, grappling with how much I want her—and with how far I’ve let myself fall. There’s no amount of leniency on her part that could possibly excuse this. But I’m not concerned with the consequences for myself; only with how my lack of self-control must have affected her.

“Forgive me,” I breathe. “That was—”

But she silences me, her soft, delicate fingers brushing my mouth with a feather-light touch that sends another pang of want rippling through my middle. Her eyes pierce into me, unendingly blue and so powerful I can’t help but wonder if it’s her magic. Then she exhales, drifting closer, her eyes falling heavy-lidded to my mouth just before they close completely. And the feeling of her lips meeting mine, electric, breathless, so warm, sends me diving under the surge of sensation again.

I draw her close, losing myself in her. There’s nothing even close to this—her touch, her taste, the sound she makes when I angle her head to deepen the kiss.

And I don’t know why I’ve denied myself for so long. I’ve always wanted her. And now that I’ve tasted this, tasted her—even all the armies in Hyrule couldn’t keep me from her now.

I smile against her mouth. Slaughtering them would be easy.

Through the intoxicated cloud swirling in my brain, the thought snags unpleasantly, like a potent flicker of light in a comfortable darkness. It’s enough to slow me down, enough to make me think.

Enough to make me realize this can’t possibly be real.

I stop, pulling away slowly to search her eyes. So familiar. So beautiful it makes my heart ache.

But she’s been dead for 10,000 years.

I want to ignore it, dive headlong into the illusion of her. But I can’t unsee it. I murmur, breaking the spell, “This isn’t real.”

She blinks, and suddenly she’s different. Still familiar. Still beautiful. Still alive. And then the pieces are snapping into place, and the woman in my hands isn’t the one I loved so many millennia ago. It’s the Zelda of this era, the one who only knows me as I am—as the Calamity. And we’re reliving one of her memories—one of my memories—

And it’s agony. All at once the peace is gone, the gentle, tremulous bit of happiness the memory had lent me and I had been nursing in my heart like a single spark in an endless night, and the hatred is flooding in. The anger. Everything the illusion had been strong enough to veil.

And I remember what I am. I feel the evil pouring through my veins like a poison. I feel it making my heart pound stronger. I feel it coloring my vision and filling me with desires I must never obey.

And it’s agony.

I’m quaking on the inside, partly from fury and partly from shock. And then I erupt.

“What are you doing here?”

She looks as lost as I feel, green eyes glittering with shock and fright. “I—I don’t know—”

“Is this some kind of a joke to you? You think that just because you have her memories that they’re yours to do with as you please?”

“No! I didn’t mean to do this—”

Oh, I want to break her. I want to hold her down and force her to taste some of the pain I have. I want to hear her scream. But I push her away instead, unwilling to give the monster the edge.

“Well undo it!”

She stumbles into the mantel, turning back with that pretty face covered in tears. And the satisfaction and the guilt churning together in my stomach makes me feel sick.

“I don’t know how!” she tries to reason. “It was an accident!”

I turn away and try to breathe. That glimmer of humanity, after 10,000 years without—and then to have it just wrested away—

“This how you operate when you don’t get your way, then?” I bite out before I can rein it in. “Prick the Calamity, see if he bleeds?”

“I told you it was an accident,” she says again, more quietly.

She sounds so miserable. A very small part of me wants to comfort her. But I’m so furious I can hardly see straight. Forcing me to relive this moment—with her—

What was she thinking? What in the name of the gods made her think she had the right? Hadn’t I been through enough? Hadn’t I endured enough torture over the last eon? Did she really have to reach down into my most private, most intimate moments and drag them into the daylight, too? The last, precious fragments of who I was, that I hold onto so fiercely, lest I lose myself completely—

Why?

“Magic doesn’t just materialize out of nothing,” I growl, closing the distance again, propelled by a fresh wave of anger. “What did you want to know? If it would hurt me to relive this? If I could even tell the difference between you?”

She winces like my words had been a slap. “No!”

“Then what?” I grab ahold of her, desperate for this to be over. Desperate to just—just feel nothing. “Do you want me to admit that you remind me of her? That I’m in agony every time I look at you? Is that it?”

“I don’t want anything! Let me go!”

“Would it please you to know that I am?” I murmur, my voice dangerously quiet, and she goes still. “Every time.”

And now, I realize numbly, it will be worse.

Because now she doesn’t just remind me of what I had with my Zelda.

Now I’ve tasted her, and I’d be lying if I said I didn’t want to again.

  Frightening

“I’m sorry about what happened with the Champions,” she says quietly, catching me off guard. “I imagine it was… frightening, losing control like that.”

Yes. Yes, it was. I don’t think I’ve ever been so afraid of anything in my life as I was in that moment, so close to rupturing, so close to tearing her apart with a thought, so close to losing myself completely and destroying everything I love in the aftermath. I want so badly to tell her, to unburden myself. I know she’s hoping I will. And that just… makes the temptation worse. She’s staring through me with unseeing eyes, full of the desire to understand, to heal even a little bit of the damage. I want to pull her closer, taste her again, thread my fingers in her hair and indulge in the warmth of her. I want to lose myself in her touch, in her lips, lose myself to her instead of to the monster working to claw its way out of me. I want to—

Gods!

“You were right,” I manage, finally. “They weren’t to know.”

“How have you been since?” she asks. So eager. So earnest. So gentle. It’s infuriating. “Any lingering effects? Urges to explode?”

“I always feel the urge to explode,” I scoff, grateful for the levity. “But no. The seal is as strong as it ever was.”

  The Zora Princess

We stop to rest and I quietly remove myself. So I can breathe. So they can breathe.

The air tastes clearer once I put some distance between us, like grass and wind and the malice in my mouth instead of the honeyed flavor of their adrenaline. The pressure in the back of my mind eases somewhat without the constant temptation, but the hollow gnaw of the hunger is just as strong as it ever was. I lower myself into the prairie grass, beating back a groan.

The Gerudo and that bird creature are arguing about something. It makes Zelda laugh.

That’s good.

Then the wind shifts and the air tastes of sugar and salt, and I turn towards it slowly. It’s the Zora girl. She’s so short the grass is up to her knees, and her trident has become more of a walking stick than a weapon. She’s so quiet it’s easy to forget she’s there—but she’s one of the Champions, and royalty, if the headdress is any indication. I’m sure she’s stronger than she looks. The fact that she’s confronting me on her own is evidence enough.

I tilt my head at her as she draws close, feeling after that gentle spike in her heart rate as I fix her in my stare. It makes my spine burn.

“Princess,” I greet her quietly. “To what do I owe this honor?”

She leans on her staff, remarkably calm, and I can feel the tendrils of power wafting off her.

“You’re in a great deal of pain,” she says.

My lips move towards a frown as I draw the inevitable conclusion. Just my luck. “You’re a healer.”

“Yes.”

And her magic is a peculiar brand. Very strong, almost magnetized in the way it drifts towards injury. It’s what brought her to me. I wouldn’t be surprised if she could bring someone back from the brink of death.

I contemplate her usefulness for a moment; but I need to go much further than the brink, and that’s well beyond even her abilities.

  Dreamcraft

I carry her up to the campsite, lay her near the fire and rouse it a bit so she isn’t freezing, and then grudgingly lift the sleepweb from the Zora girl. Her eyes open and then drift upwards, like she’s watching the spell float away.

Her eyes settle on me, finally, all golden and rippling, and she says, “You seem better.”

She’s a strange one. No demanding what I’d done, or where I’d gone, or what had happened. But she’s also sharp. Sharp enough that her bold-faced concern makes me feel manipulated. But she’s not wrong. I had been caught up in feeling terrified to notice, but the hunger had faded into background noise. Throbbing, like something swollen. I frown, trying to puzzle out how that had happened.

I finally admit, because it’s too easy to admit things when I’m with her, “We shared a dream.”

“And that helps?”

I can’t be sure if it’s the emotional implosion that follows one of her illusions merely drowning the hunger out, or an actual, measurable, residual effect of her dreamcraft. Either way, it’s worth studying. Which is horrifying.

“Maybe.”

We sit by the fire in silence for a while. That’s easy, too. Almost like we had been friends once, in another life. I’m watching the flames, and she’s watching Zelda, and then so am I.

“Could you enter her dreams now? While she sleeps?”

The idea of sauntering into her mind uninvited worms unpleasantly in whatever scrap of my conscience is left, vaguely reminiscent of guilt. But she’s plowed headlong into mine more than once, so it seems only fair. For some reason that reasoning doesn’t make the worming stop. I still haven’t answered, and her eyes glide to the side of my head. I call up the fire more, loosing a taut, tired sigh at her persistence.

“Possibly.”

It’s noncommittal and non-revealing, which I assume will grind her advance to a halt. But she slips around it like water in that infuriating way she does.

“You should try it sometime,” she says.

I tilt my head at her. “You don’t find the idea of trespassing on her mind morally objectionable?”

She shrugs. “Not as objectionable as you tearing a swathe of Hyrule up by the roots.”

And that’s logic I can hardly argue with. Her eyes say she knows. And suddenly I find the image of her pretty crimson skull smashed against the stone and its contents spattered everywhere very appealing.

“You need her,” she adds, too simply, too condemningly, and I have to swallow down fury and terror.

Because she’s right.

The night drags and drags and drags, dread and disgust whipping me into a tumble of disquiet and every quiet tremble of fear or pleasure from her tempting me into her head.

[achieveandhunt]

live typing extra life 2019

part 2

warning: this was a mistake and i’m in the grapes

this starts right at Facilities vs AH. link to first post

let’s fuck some shit up babEY

oh what the fuck they’re playing a prerecorded video

last year was a fuckin doozy, nobody forget that

“legends of the under achiever” i didn’t know someone wrote my biography

why do i hear geoff screaming “FIVE FUCKIN FOUR” in my head, like in the legends of the hidden temple minecraft videos

jeremy looks. so dead inside on this fine november evening

ryan buzzing while they’re trying to explain the rules

my video quality went down so much that i thought i was watching someone playing roblox for a second

ryan “salty mother fucker” haywood has made a lovely appearance. he’s my favorite

michael and lindsay looking so domestic makes me so happy,, they’re my parents

someone donated under the name “ryan goes feral” uh??? yeah? you say that like it’s a bad thing??

oH FUCK MICHAEL GO DRIVE WIN PLEASE

jeremy HAS BROKEN OUT THE GLASSES SHIT’S SERIOUS

NO THEY’RE LOSING GOD DAMMIT

ʳʸᵃⁿ ᶦⁿ ᵗʰᵉ ᵇᵃᶜᵏᵍʳᵒᵘⁿᵈ, ᵠᵘᶦᵉᵗˡʸ: ʰᵉˡᵖ

JEREMY IT’S TIME TO TEST OUT THAT NONEXISTENT GAG REFLEX AND SWALLOW THE OPPONENT’S CONTROLLER

oh nvm they’re winning again lmao

OH FUCK thEYRE LOSING

oh nvm

OH FUCK

oh nvm they unplugged his contoller lol

OH FUCKING TH EY LOST MICHAEL JONES MY HEART IS BROKEN

the amount of people watching has gone up from 32k to 40k in the past fifteen minutes

michael “hurry up you dumb cunts” jones

“oh don’t worry about destroying our cabinet, it’s essentially matchsticks”

“how are you feeling john? are you ready for this?” “MM M M Mmm mM”

TEAM NICE DYNAMITE IS NEXT AND IM READY FOR PERMANENTLY RINGING EARS FROM ALL THE LEET DONATIONS

oH god here we go

“hopefully they haven’t been saving them all day” oh honey. you’ve got a big storm coming

if xavier slaps gavin i think gav might go up in a puff of smoke

i did the math, they went up 45k+ within five minutes of team nice dynamite showing up on stream

GAVIN AND MICHAEL ARE GOING TO DIE

THERE’S GONNA BE A MOONBALL SIZED HOLE IN GAVIN’S CHEST

ryan and lindsay both donating a grand during this segment... so good

the day gavin free successfully gets a tattoo is the day i drop dead

lindsay saying she didn’t want the TND tattoo on michael but she agreed because gav is michael’s boi :((( 

i’m too sleep deprived for this i might cry

oh god michael’s punching the floor

i’m too sober for this

EIGHTY EIGHT LEET DONATIONS IN TWENTY MINUTES HOLY FUCJKIGN SHIT YOU GUYS ARE GONNA BE THROWING MOONBALLS FOR FUCKIN SIX YEARS

on a sentimental note- i love how much collective love we have for gav and michael,, they deserve it all

milk boarded has some not-so-great connotations attached to it

gavin “the bullshit bitch” free

a mark nutt reference?? in my 2019 extra life????

this just in: sarah is going to obliterate gavin

oh. oh my god. that was the sound of a wet fish smacking a wall

why is jeremy the liquor goblin walking like a crab that has a bird attached to its back??? see: flapping arms

that beer and milk concoction... gag

“drink that milk yard”

“YOU GOT MY TOES MILKY”

no. nO MICHAEL NO YOUR INTESTINES NOO

michael “the milk’s in my brain” jones

“stop pouring it on people!” “iT’S HARD DICKHEAD”

lindsay is now. taking a milk shower

*caiti brings a small roll of paper towels* *gavin gently places a single paper towel on the massive puddle of milk*

no LINDSAY NO THINK OF THE CHILDREN

gavin: this has gotten way out of hand. she’s... she’s swimming in an inch of milk! everyone knows you should swim in at least two!!

the fajita seasoning will solve everythinG everyone calm down

fiona: yeah this is my first extra life. jack: and what were you expecting? fiona: this. exactly this.

ah yes. the bunny suits have arrived and michael is ready to tackle gavin

aaaand here comes the AH fanfic. it can only get worse from here so buckle up fuckos

“holy fuckeroni”

“re-reanimated trevor”

michael is so fucking smashed and god i wish that was me

“cum-ductor”

fiona “this is a white man” nova

“bone-ating” *leet donation* *leet donation* 

“ready set blow” made me genuinely bust a lung laughing

aaaand michael’s licking the floor which is to be expected

jeremy “i’m gonna actually harm you” dooley

IF ONE MORE PERSON BRINGS UP RANCH IM GOING TO WALK TO AUSTIN AND PROJECTILE VOMIT ON THE OFF TOPIC SET

no JEREMY NO YOU WERE THE CHOSEN ONE I THOUGHT YOU WOULDN’T DO THIS GET OFF THE F  L O O R

don’t get close ups on jeremy’s tongue. don’t do that to me. i don’t want nightmares

“fuck root” “let’s just fucking fuck”

1 2 3 CONSENT

michael has gone full gerkie

alfredo’s look when larry is reading the part about trevor choking him is how i feel about everything that’s happened in the past twenty minutes

almost 300k in less than an hour 

fiona saying “i don’t want this” overlaying michael humping a trash can

“TAKE THE TACO CHAD”

aaaand michael’s in the trash can

nO why is there a triangle is this a POETRY READING ALL OF A SUDDEN

oh thank god it’s over

OH FUCK THERE’S A N EPILOGUE

aaand trevor’s dead again. poor treyco

DUSK BOYS DUSK BOYS DUSK BOYS EVERYONE PUT A CUP IN YOUR PANTS

people singing along... what goes on

why am i downloading this fuckin song asap

jeremy turning his phone flashlight on and waving it like he’s at a concert god dammit i love these people so much

those are my BOYS

oh my gosh they’re still singing the song. why is my heart so happy from this i need to get slapped

“come on you’ve never been waterboarded before gavin?”

everyone standing in a circle shining their flashlights at gavin

someone surprise them and instead of a moonball just yeet a whole gallon of milk at them

actually, on second thought, no

OH god GavIN Is GOING to Die 

gavin “i forgot to breathe” free

several milk explosions

gavin “my brain is cold” free

michael has milk dripping from his ears

i’m about to pass out i don’t know what’s happening

michael is in the grapes right now man

how many moonballs? oh, only 107. :)

i’m not writing this part- you guys have to watch the moonball segment yourself, if you didn’t watch it live!

team nice dynamite finishes up with over 300k!! holy shit, that’s so cool! this community is awesome

werewolf is up next!

xavier is such a gentleman can we keep him

alfredo: *chooses to kill miles* trevor in the audience: *silently freaking out*

xavier is about ruin another man on stream

miles has no self preservation instinct

barbara is now smelling fiona

this just in: i love alfredo and 100% would have done the same thing

trevor running up to film alfredo getting smacked. what an icon

alfredo SCREAMING oh my god i felt it in my soul

the high-five of the backs in solidarity of intense pain

miles choosing alfredo is so fucking good

and also, i feel so bad 

his heart might shoot out of his asshole this time guys

oh NOOO HE’s so bruised :(((( fredo nooo :((

oh my god it’s gotten to the usual point in the stream where you start to question whether someone is going to die this time

rip blaine but at least i think he can take the hit

he can but ouch it still hurts me 

barbara “i’m participating in the game” dunkleman

yo miles might win this game

the crowd when someone needs to shoot barb: TREVOR TREVOR TREVOR! trevor, with the strength of a thousand suns: N O

people are now chanting about shooting an unprotected trevor. the man already died once this stream god dammit

alfredo is about to throw hands for fiona

that’s a big F in the chat for miles, but his loss is well deserved

xavier’s hands could serve as a defibrillator

alfredo showed jeremy his chest and jeremy shied away as if he was looking at the sun

 --- i’m taking another break to finish an assignment---

i’m barely alive and it’s ready set show time 

oh god please no more shock collars

i’m so fucking tiiiiredd please take thge res t of this post  wigth  a grain of salt lbecasue i can hardly type at this ponitn 

“do you want to control the shock collars” “will there be repercussions” “no” “fuck yeah i’ll do it then”

“smother the children. steal the baby” “DONT STEAL THE BABY TREVOR”

lunging forward “s c a r e  t h e  b a b y” “OKAY I’M PASSING THIS ONE”

“you can’t bake popcorn????” jeremy hits the floor

alec and matt clearly = dream team

oh thasnk god the shock collars are on their arms now i was stressed out for chris earlier

this stream does not promote recreational nyquil usage 

i don’t even know how to explain the pure insanity of what ready set show has become

alec has become this whole segment

i would write more but i have no thoughts because my brain doesn’t work

larry “makes people fuck other people besides their wife” insert last name that my brain can’t come up with

anyways. marbles

oh. no marbles

i’ve blacked out idk what happened during backwardz compatible

i mean i was awake but does that really mean anything at this point

SPPOKU PSOOKY SPPOKKKY SPOOOKY !!! FUCL YEAH 

cole is so good during this segment

oh so many 1337s right away 

the real scariest thing during the segment: being genuine

oH my god the scream being pitched up. i have fucking dogs outside of my house now

i don’t fuck w/ ghosts no thank you

“aba-jail” wow if u guys weren’t gonna get haunted before you will now

okay i’m about to pass out i have to take a nap

oH fucking I SLEPT until thirty minutes before the en d  fuck

conclusion: this community is incredible and raised an unimaginable amount of money for charity. the fact that rooster teeth does this every year is awesome, and honestly, it makes me feel hopeful in times when things aren’t so great. so yeah! for the kids & stuff 

[archiveofidentityconstellations]

cass won't share her cheese nibs and bruce doesn't love me and i think?? that i deserve better??? than this???? i'm moving to alaska where NO ONE CAN TELL ME WHAT TO DO

the sequel to that one trix yogurt fic

I feel like I should tell you that I am MASSIVELY fucked up right now 

 like i am such a garbage heap that oscar the grouch took a look at me and said 

 “fuckk off!! i have standards!” 

anyways

it’s Brimothy, bitch

what is UP mothertrucksrs it is Me i am back here to write a report on the UNBELIEVABLE SHIT I JUST HANDLED.

okay so u know how Gotham city is on crack cocaine all the time. with like some LSD and heroin and never ever any weed except for like who is that pig guy?? nevrm he doesn’t have weeeed but like he is definitely a Pig. what the fuck is his name. what the fuck.

 okay so anyways 

 is it Goyle

 Doyle

 Pigoyle 

 tin foil? lmao

OKAY FUCK anyways the City, who Also May Be My Lover, is in a constant life crisis (which i relate? a Lot) and do you want to know this s h i t

Crocodile

Killer Croc

who Steve Irwin would be v disappointed in

Is climbing

into people’s FUCKING TOILETS

???????????????

THIS ISN’T FLORIDA

THIS IS NEW JERSEY

WE WEAR SHOES IN THE WINTER

WHAT SORT OF FLIP-FLOP WEARING CUCKER DOES HE THINK HE IS

okay so obviously KC is a big guy. a Dude. a whack-o whaler of a Male. a Big Boh. the largest banananana in the pack. he is Big. so he cAn’t fit into most people’s toilets. he can, however, fit into Big People’s toilets (big as in wealthy, not As in Tom Hanks)

so KC (crispy,,,nuggest…i wonder if fried alligator is good—not that im thinking of eating him, though someone really should threaten him with cannibalism, like if you’re going to be a bitch about it then you deserve the same done to you, it’s just manners) is in cahoots and canoodles with Someone Who Shall Not Be Named (not bc i don’t know, I do, that’s how detectives work. it’s my JOB to know, and i was a prodigy) but bc there is a whole other report detailing this person and their movements and its case file #4461 if u don’t believe me, but i ain’t no snitch, but i will say that tonight’s events connect to file #4461 so Dad if you’re reading this you should already have it out bc it’s your JOB

speaking of jobs ding ding here is mine coming round the mountain as she comes bc the apple bottom jeans the boots with the fur will be coming round the mountain when she comes shE’ll be coming round the mountain she’ll be coming round the mountain she’ll b e coming round and getting low low low low low l ow low

It was a crisp October night. The sun was blinking its sleepy lids, setting the ballroom with an incandescent glow. Bruce Wayne strode across the floor, his daughter Cassandra accompanying him. They wore matching expressions that the privileged always wear: guarded, yet hungry. Hungry for what? Probably for the crab cakes just out of reach. Neither of them had an allergy, and Cassandra in particular had a propensity to shove anything edible in her mouth, so it really was a tragedy that those crab cakes were all the way across the room. There should really be a table right in the middle of the dance floor just for snacks. That way caterers wouldn’t have to do so much leg work, which is actually a good thing, because that ballroom floor is slippery af. This narrator should know, he has Died A Few Times getting there. Suddenly, the night’s festivities were interrupted by a social faux pas: a scream.

You don’t just scream at regular parties, it’s uncouth and hysterical. But you can scream if the social boundaries have already been crossed, and boy, were they crossed.

You see, Dear Reader, there was a man in the toilet.

I use the term “man” loosely, as his glaring yellow eyes do wonders when you might just crap your pantaloons. You start imagining things, like dinosaurs whcih i am personally a big fan of bc Jurassic Park has a kid named Tim in it and I am also Tim.

 hI y is our toilet so big that Killer Croc could wiggle his way up? also how long can he hold his breath. 

 it seems to be impressively long

 hey Bdad how long can he hold his breath? please let me know if you can, and if you won’t i will eat all your wafers becauzs i wa

Mrs. Trenton screamed and fled the impertinent bathroom guest, who wasted no time in ripping the commode to pieces. There was a roar and all the guests paused, unsure if it was merely pipe problems or if they were under attack.

Reader: They were, in fact, under attack. 

The guests, deciding that Mrs. Trenton was a social entrepreneur, followed her lead and began to scream. Killer Croc had made it to ballroom, standing at an impressive height just outside the doors.

He was Not wearing a shirt.

okay have u ever noticed that Killer Crog hasn’t got any nipples????? where are they? he’s got pecs but no nipples?? 

where did they go where are his nip nops i kno people don’t like to think about this but i hAve wondered since i was like 13 like where did they go. has anyone ever asked him. 

did they fall off

“Take the crab cakes!” shouted Matthew Fielder, a lil bitch.

“No, take me!” said Cassandra Wayne, who would literally rather die than give up those crab cakes.

Killer Croc paid them no heed. He desired one thing and one thing only, the sweet satisfaction for his carnal craving: Humain Flesh.

(alliteration hell yeah hell yeah take that Mrs. Johnson i do know shit and im creative as well u jusy don’t know how my brian works it’s like a golden goose egg trap ye ye ye)

 i just Realized 

 i am…a high school drop out

 i don’t know why im doing this

Dear Reader, as an Aside: Smoking can lead to many health issues, especially if one begins smoking at a young age. Harmful side effects include increased risk of stroke and brain damage; muscular degeneration, eye cataracts; cancer of lips, nose, tongue, and mouth, and nipple loss.

 Jason you may want to have a talk with you and your mipples

The terror in the air was stifling. Cannibalism conduct was not something conveyed in etiquette classes. Rich people never expect to be eaten.

Reader, everyone hardly breathed. Something deeply primal had occurred. 

From the doorway the golden eyes struck. Deadly. Lethal. Hungry. 

This was more than vengeance. It was a sadistic occasion of play.

  okay good thing Dames wasn’t there because he fucking HATES KC he gets all huffy and shrieky about him like “he’s a HYGIENE PROBLEM” and it’s like,,,,,.ur right but i don’t want to agree with you because where do we stand if i do that?? as brothers???

 i think the fuck not 

anyways i just realized i’ve been calling Waylon Jones KC the entire damn time (NEWSFLASH ASSHOLE) but to be fucking h, he wants to to be called that. i called him Allen once and he was so PISSED so i can only think of actually calling him by his name. he wouldn’t even be chill with me naming the sewer alligators even tho they were awesome names. i called one Dundee. that’s fucking genius. that’s just. i’m fucking amazing. stupenous. and unappreciated.

 maybe his nipples fell off because he swims in shit every night?????

 question: why do i swim in shit almost as often 

 what the dfck

 what are my life choices

 i feel like there should have been some fine print involved here 

 “Robin duties include scraping shit off your asschreks 3 times a week”

 mahbe,,,,maybe not what i want 

 personal choice

though i haven’t really seen any alligators in the sewers for years now, which is

oh my god OH MY GOD HE ATE THEM  HE ATE THEM OH MY GOD  OH MY GOD !!!!!!!!!!

HE FUCKING  HE FUCKING. HE. HE ATE HIMSELF  HE FUCNING ATE HIMAELF AND HIS FAMILY HIS COUSINS HIS CPOUSINS  HIS FAMILY OH MY GOD  THIS IS LIKE MY 8TH GRADE GRADUATION ALL OVER AGAIN

im so disturbed……..i like, need to eat something. Fucking hell. this Not what i had in mind when i decided to be alive.

i feel like as if i woke up one day and i was the only one in the entire world who remembered Caillou. also could pull off my face and eat it like taffy. imw so. i.

mom i know i refused to go to Shabbat when i was ten so i don’t get to say this but:

this is Not kosher 

oh heyy i want some pIckes

i was also thinking of takin a spin class?? like fuck it i like to bike. fuck it. and maybe iwdont want bruce and nigtwink fucking watxhing me with their beady eyes. like get those off my calves. my cleavage is up here, gentlemen. stop talking about proper form. some people can do things and suck at them. i’m never going to be like a professional ice curler. and i shouldn’t feel bad about that. who the fuck curls for fun. maybe Canada???????

note to self: look up the history of the sport of curling 

i’m going to get good at it to piss off Jason

Back On Topic:

Killer Croc took a step forward. His mouth trembled, watering in anticipation. He took another step.

Mrs. Trenton drew in a breath. 

The room was silent. 

Far across the room, Bruce Wayne clenched his champagne glass. Cassandra Wayne stopped chewing the crab cakes.  Reader, I won’t mince words: Waylon Jones crossed the threshold.

  and the instant he put his foot down on the ballroom floor he fucking slipped like a drunkass toddler

like when Damian is really really tired bc he’s like 2 years old (only an evil 2 years old like chucky) and Jason tries to give him a high five 

gremlin still doesn’t get that “down low” precedes “too slow” 

and he like. faceplants

onto the fucking concrete 

and then Bruce yells at Jason 

and then Jason yells back

“I NEVER ASKED FOR SIBLINGS”

like it was something we all did, like wrote it down on our batmas lists for Brucie Claus 

and im sitting there, a perennial Forgotten Middle Child

and Damian is like still. on the ground.

anyways KC is just slipping across the ballroom, slippering and sliding bc the floor was just waxed and it’s silent except for the wet slaps of his feet against the floor and the screech his tail makes every time he trips (sort of like this) and when he sometimes falls it makes that sound of when your thighs SLAP against the mats and it sounds like a wet walrus coming to cheer you on while a Giant simultaneously swallows a liquid-filled gummy worm down his throat like QAWAGGHHHHHHH only his falls reverberated against the ceiling panels and the cherubs looked down in like. disgust.

Cass began chewing the crab cakes again by the time Killer Croc fell for the twelfth time so idk it was an embarrassing situation

 we all did that Thing people do when a social barrier is breached 

 we like…..avoided each other’s eyes and made light conversation 

 meanwhile Killer Croc’s body screeched in the background

anyways Matthew Fielder was like “so I hear you dance ballet” and Cass responded “uh huh. tap too” and the chewed up crab cake crumbs fell out of her mouth and onto the floor

 i CAN’T

scrambled cock on a cracker, Cass why does Alfred let this happen????? what is this??????  like she can snort creme puffs like cocaine but GOD FORBID i put my elbows on the table and call damian “a poisonous little bitch” because he ate my croutons

 the standards in this family are unbelievable

So everyone is just talking and Mrs. Trenton is sipping champagne now and Luis Alvarez is doing that thing where he starts trying to eat caviar one teeny tiny egg at a time and KC is just like WHUMPH for the thirtieth time

finally dad takes pity on him and crouches down and is like “hey how you doing slugger” which???? Offended me. Very Much.

that’s MY nickname 

has Waylon No-Nipples Jones been adopted by Bruce Wayne??? has Waylon No-Nipples Jones retrieved HIS sorry ass from time?? i don’t fucking think so 

the audacity of this man

but before Killer Croc can reply

Red Hood

BURSTS INTO THE ROOM

guns out, voice modulator kind of fuzzy like a broke refrigerator that makes an “eeeeeeeeeee” sound ever since i tripped over it and fell on it

 which wASN’T MY FAULT 

 IM NOT “deformed baby zebra clumsy” FUCK YOU JASON 

 MAYBE HE SHOULDN’T KEEP HIS EXPENSIVE HELMET ON THE FLOOR THEN 

 you know what? I’m GLAD i tripped over it.

 yeah. suck it. 

 im glad you sound like a 90s japanese transistor radio 

 off brand too

 fuck you 

 I GOT A BRUISE NOT THAT ANYONE CARES 

 even Bruce was like “hey tim you need to watch where you’re going”

 ???

 how about YOU watch where YOU’RE GOING 

 “where” as in TIME TRAVEL 

 REMEMBER THAT BRUCE 

 REMEMBER THAT?!???????

 HUH BIG GUY?!???????!!???

 no one is allowed to criticize me from now on

 i am Above Reproach 

    anyways yeah Red Hood appears at the party and shoots KC and Bruce was like “why the FUCK would you SHOOT HIM” as if he has some misplaced paternal feeling for Waylon No-Nipples Jones because he called him slugger which is something he calls one of his other kids but whatever im not bitter im just insecure and sad all the time but don’t worry about it maybe i’ll die one day and you’ll all be sorry especially about Certain Things like not sharing cheese nibs huh Cassandra

so RH and Bruce Wayne kind of argue. like. literally sniping at each other bc SOMEBODY forgot that Red Hood is a criminal and not their misplaced son and RH is like “it’s!!!!! a tranquilizer!!!!! ya big hoe!!!!!” only he doesn’t really say it like that but everyone isn’t even listening at this point because this party has already been so goddamn weird and we’re all suffering from secondhand embarrassment

i am Assuming,,,,,that Killer Croc Jones “Jonsie No-Nipples” has been taken away to be put into jail and studied for his non-nipple properties but at this point i’ve been sitting here huffing that cold medicine or whatever Bruce gave me. which

 oh yeah i was crushed earlier 

 it was by “slugger” but whatever

 yeah his body broke mine 

 it was because Bruce and Jason were fighting again and not paying attention so 

 KC was tranquillized and like 

 fell on me 

 he drooled on me too 

 those ballroom floors really hurt 

 like my head feels like mush 

 Alfred’s oatmeal 

 on its second day 

 because i refused to eat it on the first day 

 that man has a spine of Steel and he Does Not Let You Waste Food 

 btw he fell on me because i pushed Luis Alvarez out of the way 

 he was really transfixed by those tiny fish eggs 

 it’s fun to put them on your tongue and let them like slide around 

 so i pushed him out of the way and was promptly crushed to death 

 B said something about a broken collarbone 

 i am more worried about a broken butt 

 fuck

 my coccyx

PROFESSOR PYM wait no shit that’s a comic book character

anyways my butt is broken and im hungry and dad wouldn’t let me get out of the chair so i write up this report because I am A Real Life Detective and I do my JOB

once again im the best

hey red jood can you get me some cheese nibs cassandrA won’t share which is p mean especially since i was all for being eaten to give her those crab cakes  red hoof red  why isn’t he responding to me i want xheese nibs red hanz  red  red  Red Hood please I require sustenance  red fhau red gjji red hhood ted joood redb hood red red edds red red edd dedd red red red red red wd red  what the fuck what a right bastard sometimes oh hi Badaman

EDIT: His name is “Pyg.”  Fucking. Pyg. Points taken off for unoriginality.

decided to have a tumblr version too ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[storiesnobodyreads]

Introduce me

Characters: Bucky Barnes x reader

Story: Bucky wants to be introduced to your parents but you dont really wanna cos your parents suck. Bucky tries to convince you/blackmail u all the time and finally he wins a bet. 

Warnings: abusive/neglecting parents, fighting, but also love and fluff

A/N: yay I’ve had this sitting in my drafts for so long and it feels good to finish things. 

You tried to remember how you had gotten yourself into this situation. Bucky by your side, silently moving his fork around in the disgusting, brown-looking mashed potatoes, opposite you were your parents, who judgementally stared at you and your boyfriend as if it were a staring contest in which only they were participating.

This sucked. You wished it had never come to this.

Bucky had been wanting to meet your parents for a very long time. Quite frankly, he was insulted that you hadn’t introduced him sooner: as if you didn’t take the relationship seriously. You did. You just didn’t want him to experience the horror to meet your parents. As much as you appreciated everything they had done for you, and they were still your mom and dad, you despised visiting them. They always made you feel like a failure. Nothing you did was ever good enough. Ever.

Nevertheless, Bucky never ceased to grab the opportunity to get you to introduce him to your parents. “Because I want to meet the people who created you,” he’d offered as an explanation when you’d asked him why on earth he was so determined considering this. The second reason was because he’d lost his family a long time ago, thus he insisted on appreciating every sort of family member that he had. It was this second reason that got to you.

Often did Bucky attempt to blackmail you, but he’d never had the proper leverage. He once took an embarrassing picture of you from an unflattering angle, showing you with three double chins and one eyelid closing slightly faster than the other, while you were taking a bite of pie. “I’ll delete the picture if you introduce me to your parents,” Bucky had tried to make a deal. “If you don’t, I’ll show it to all the Avengers.”

You had politely declined. Bucky had then proceeded to show the photograph to all the Avengers, which was awkward but much more endurable than having to sit through dinner with Bucky, mom and dad.

One day, you and Bucky had gone out to dinner and afterwards decided to take a walk through the natural park in your neighbourhood, enjoying the golden hour and watching the sky light up pink as the sun set. Birds chirping, squirles gathering nuts, leaves flying peacefully through the air. Everything looked gorgeous, and with Bucky’s hand in yours, it all became even more stunning.

The two of you were peacefully strolling over a bridge, at least thirthy meters above a wildly raging river, when you made a bad decision. “Do you know what would be awesome,” you offered suggestively, “If you could jump off this bridge. You know, and do a triple salto like the pros.”

It was completely a joke and Bucky took it completely seriously. He smiled broadly. “If you want me to do it, I’ll do it.”

You realized your mistake instantly—the fact that Bucky was prepared to do anything for you. “Bucky,” you sighed deeply, “As much as I love you, even you, Sargeant James Barnes, Winter Soldier, cannot possibly survive a fall this high. So do me a favour and just give up.”

He cocked up his eyebrows in indignance. “You don’t think I can do it, doll?”

“I don’t—“ you started.

Before you could even finish your sentence, Bucky interrupted you. His eyes started shining as if he had got struck by the greatest idea in the history of great ideas; he looked like there quite literally lit up a lightbulb above his head. “What do I get from you if I jump?”

You rolled your eyes. “A dollar.”

“I am about to risk my life,” Bucky spoke up exaggeratedly, emphasizing risk my life. “I’m not gonna do that for one dollar.” He held a dramatic pause. “I will, however, do it if you’ll introduce me to your parents.”

A little laugh escaped your lips. Not for a second did you think he was actually going to jump. “Sure, Buck, but you—“

“You said sure!” Bucky gestured excitedly. “If I jump, you’ll introduce me to your folks. Now you promised. No take-backs.” It was ridiculous how childlishly exhilarated he became by all this. In a wild movement, he pulled you toward him by your forearms and kissed you firmly on your lips. Then, suddenly, without saying another damned word, he swirled around and jumped. Straight over the railing.

It was as if he had slammed all the oxygen out of your lungs. “Bucky!” you shrieked, throwing yourself toward the edge. Hearing his scream over the roaring river, you could just see him plunge into the water with an enormous splash. He fell in flawlessly; his body firmly in pencil-shape.

“SHIT!” you screamed, staring at the gaping cliff below you, hoping and praying and wishing that Bucky would come up. You stared desperately for what felt like eternity—finally, his head bopped up through the hostile surface. You couldn’t quite make out whether he was alive and swimming or dying and drowning. Before you know what your body was doing, you were running over the bridge as fast as you could. All your training with the Avengers, with the strict supervision from your boyfriend, kicked in as you sprinted to the side of the bridge, then jumping down and parcouring all the way down the rocky hill. You flew over the stones; heart beating insanely fast while panic clouded your senses.

Bucky was standing, you observed as you could hardly keep your balance when you reached the sand on the banks of the river. He was standing. Alive. ALIVE. You were still sprinting faster than your legs could carry you, now into the river, toward Bucky.

Bucky welcomingly spread his arms as he stood knee-deep in the shores of the rushing river. “Mr and Mrs Y/L/N, here I come.”

You shoved him against his chest. Tears were burning in your eyes. You were pretty sure you had never felt so many extreme emotions before. “Jesus Christ, Bucky!” you hoped to say it angrily, but the words came out rather like panicky sobs.

The smile on his face quickly vanished when it occurred to him you didn’t find this as hilarious as he did. “Okay, babe, calm down—“

You shoved him again, causing him to stumble backwards. “I thought you were dead! I honestly didn’t think you could survive this!”

“Argh,” Bucky did tiredly when you tried to hit him again but he effortlessly caught your arms. You struggled, but he didn’t show any recognition of your struggle. “Will I make it better or worse when I tell you I’ve done this before with Steve?”

You stared at him. “Yes—no.”

He stood there grinning with that stupid, boyish smirk on his face, very aware that he had shocked you but also very aware that you were already forgiving him.

The emotions were still swirling inside of you, to the extent that there really was only one reaction possible. It came so out of the blue, even the Winter Soldier didn’t see it coming. You climbed onto him, wrapping your thighs around Bucky’s neck, then threw yourself backwards into a summersault to slam Bucky to the ground. Only when he was fully underwater, did you release the grip you had around him. It was a particular move that Bucky and you had practiced a thousand times, mostly because he enjoyed the move a little more than he probably should.

He had started teaching you to fight three days after you had joined the team of Avengers. You weren’t an actual Avenger, no superpowers or actual skills, but you were an engineer. Quite a good one, if you dared to say so yourself. By working incredibly hard, studying your ass off, doing everything in your might to become better, you had managed to catch the eye of the one and only Tony Stark. You had become his intern and was now his assistant, helping him whenever you could, otherwise working on your own projects that Tony always declared to be mind-blowing. The Avengers had soon recognized your talent, noticing Tony’s face light up with pride every time you dropped by with a new invention for them, and everyone had welcomed you with open arms.

Three days into being Tony Stark’s official assistant, and it was publically known, Hydra wanted you. You, being an unprepared city girl with no experience in fighting whatsoever, was easily kidnapped walking down the street. The van stopped, two men jumped out, wrapped a dark bag over your head, pushed you into the van, and drove off.

It shouldn’t have been that easy, but it was.

Thankfully, the Avengers had immediately come to action after you had slammed the emergency bulb you carried in your pocket, setting off all the alarms in the Stark Tower. “We had no choice but to go rescue you,” Tony had later complained, “You were the only one who knew how to turn off those alarms.”

Bucky had been less capable to joke about the situation; he was furious that you had been taken by the enemy so effortlessly, and insisted that you’d learn how to fight. You’d told him you’d do it, but only if he’d be the teacher. And it was pretty clear how that relationship turned out.

You realized your thoughts had gotten slightly off-track; you had been chewing the same piece of carrot for a full minute.

After years and years of being around your parents, you had grown used to the fact that they didn’t respect you. But it bothered you to hell that they didn’t respect Bucky. First, they had wasted half an hour staring at his metal arm, their expressions filled with fear and not-so-subtle disgust. They had then proceeded to ask Bucky to put his coat back on and keep his hand underneath the table, so that they would have to see it as little as possible. Bucky had been polite about it. He was used to people being scared of him.

It was almost hard to describe how much you hated them for it. There was an uneasy feeling in every nerve of your body—only half-way through dinner you realized this was what it felt like to really want to punch someone in the face. Hate.

“How did you two meet?” your mother asked, voice cold and lips pursed.

Bucky put his fork down and leaned back in his chair, glad to start up a conversation. “Actually, it was Tony Stark who introduced us. See, your daughter is one of the brightest engineers on the planet, so of course she caught Stark’s eye, and he recruited her. She instantly proved invaluable to the team. I think she’s the most intelligent person I’ve ever met.”

“Hmm,” your mother did, shaking her head a little after Bucky finished his last sentence.

Bucky didn’t miss the nonverbal signal she was sending. “Excuse me?” he asked for an explanation.

“You just give her a lot of credit,” she shrugged disapprovingly. “Without the education that we provided for her, she would have been nothing in this world. She might be able to study, kind of, but if we hadn’t given her the chances we have given her, she would have been completely worthless.” Never mind the fact that you had worked insanely hard to make money to provide for the entire household during highschool, and despite that had managed to get a scholarship for a University.

Bucky’s eyes were wide. “I mean, what does—“

“Yes,” you interrupted him, “Thanks, mom and dad, for everything you did for me. I would have been nothing without you.” You had learned over time to get the words over your lips without vomiting.

Bucky glared sideways at you, his eyes shining confused. Offended for your sake.

“Dad, why don’t you tell Bucky about your business?” you suggested. He did, and that was it then. That was the last time you were mentioned in the conversation or that you even said anything. Your parents didn’t want to talk about you or your life; they didn’t care about you or your life. They wanted to talk about themselves. The only way you could come up in the conversation, was when it would make them feel better; by either emphasizing it was thanks to them you were successful, or remembering what a failure you actually were. You had always found this quite a conundrum.

“I almost cancelled that meeting for Y/N’s tenth birthday party,” your dad was telling Bucky about the meeting in which he had been offered a promotion. “Boy, was I glad I didn’t! No one showed up to her party anyway.” No one had showed up because everyone was scared to death by your parents; you’d later celebrated your birthday in class because the teacher and the kids wanted you to feel happiness when you reached the age of two hands.

Your mom laughed. “That’s right, dear,” she smiled evilly. “She didn’t have any friends. No one likes her.”

Bucky’s fist was balled so tightly that his knuckles turned white.

“You’d think that her having no friends would mean that she’d spend more time helping out in the house, but no, lil missy here was always too good to clean a table. Like I said before, quite a worthless child.” Your dad seemed to have a good time talking about this to Bucky.

“After her tenth birthday party failed so miserably, we gave up on her birthdays,” your mom added. “We knew that no one was ever going to celebrate her. So after that, we always went on a nice vacation, to Hawaii or something alike.”

Bucky’s jaw was hard as he was clenching his teeth. His jaw did look sharp as if it could cut you. “That’s nice,” he brought out politely. “Must have been cool to spend your birthday in Hawaii,” he said to you.

“Oh, no,” your dad laughed out loud. “We didn’t take her with us. Why would we take some stupid child to ruin our holiday?”

Bucky looked so shocked, he came up with no response.

“Not that all children are horrible,” your mom intoned, completely misinterpreting his mood. “I’m sure you were a lovely child. Before you lost your arm, that is.”

Your dad agreed, “Yes, you are quite the gentleman.” The old man leaned forward over the table, making it look like he was going to whisper, but his words were as loud as before. “Tell me, Bucky, why on earth are you with our daughter?”

“Oh!” your mom snapped her fingers excitedly as she got an idea. “She paid you to pretend to be her boyfriend, didn’t she?!”

Bucky’s expression promised a storm. “No, I—“

“How much did she pay you?” your dad went along with it whole-heartedly. “Must have been a lot! She’s such a nobody, foolish and worthless, and you, well, you are a superhero!”

Your mom nodded. “Must have been a million bucks, for someone as talentless and dull—“

All of a sudden, Bucky rose to his feet. Promptly and aggressively, making the glasses of wine spill and the cutlery rambling. He angrily threw his napkin from his lap on the table. “I love Y/N,” he spat out the words. “I love her so much I didn’t even fucking know it was possible to love someone so much. And you—“ He inhaled sharply, having trouble finding the words. “Just because you cannot see what an incredible woman your daughter is, does not give you the right to speak about her like that. You are family. I can’t even wrap my head around how you can act this way.” Roughly, he shoved his chair backwards and held out his hand to help you up. “I mean, come on.” His voice dripped with disapproval. “Have some damn respect.”

The looks on your parents’ faces was priceless.

Bucky’s metal fingers tightly held your hand as he steered you out of the house, not allowing you to say another word to your parents. You had never seen him this mad before, except perhaps after you had gotten kidnapped by Hydra.

He didn’t let go of your hand until he had the door of his jeep open for you to enter. After you had climbed into your seat, he slammed the door shut behind you, making the vehicle shake. He moved around the front, took his seat behind the wheel, grunted something about “no idea what family means”, and as soon as the car was started, hit the gas to jolt of your parents’ property.

“Bucky?” you tried to say.

“I love you, but I need a minute to calm down, okay?” he breathed out.

You could feel yourself shrink, as if he had stepped on your soul. Softly, you replied, “Okay.” For a year you had managed to prevent this occassion. You had known that it was going to be a disaster since the beginning. But perhaps you had overestimated the strength of your relationship. Maybe this was the thing that pissed Bucky off to the point of no return—that you had made him loose faith in the concept of family.

You sat there worrying for quite a while. Bucky drove and didn’t speak. His silence was deafening. You couldn’t figure out what he was thinking or what he was going to say; soon the unrealistic fear that he didn’t love you anymore settled in. God, did you love him. You couldn’t imagine your life without him.

After what felt like hours, Bucky finally spoke up. “Your parents were wrong, you know.”

You sighed, feeling relief wash over you that he was saying words to you again, but also feeling very tired. You didn’t want to talk. You could predict a preach coming, one that Bucky had undoubtedly picked up from the righteous Steve, and you didn’t want to hear it. Sharing your feelings sucked. “I know. I refuse to argue with them, so I let them think they’ve won. I get the satsifaction of knowing they haven’t.”

“As much as I respect that approach,” Bucky started carefully, “I don’t think you—“

“Do you want to listen to some music?” you interrupted him. Now that you knew he didn’t hate you nor did he want to break up with you, you realized the absolute last thing you wanted to do was talk about your mommy and daddy issues. You preferred ignoring the problem until it just went away. You knew Bucky had been a fan of that method, too, until he had found you to talk to.

Bucky tensed his shoulders as if he intended to protest, but you had already arranged the music anf turned up the volume to its highest extent, blasting Bruno Mars across the dark, abandoned road. No one was out and driving in this neighbourhood on a Tuesday evening. No lanterns. All there was, was the risk of hitting a deer crossing the asphalt.

Soon you found myself getting absorbed by the stars, your forehead firmly pressed against the icy glass. You attempted to seek out constellations, but you were constantly welcomed by so much light from the moon and stars that all you could do was gawk. Mouth agape.

After at least an hour of driving through enchanting no-man’s-land, Bucky abruptly switched off the music. Only when you snapped your neck to look at him did you realize your neck muscles were aching. “What is happening?” you brought out insecurily.

“I’m pulling over,” Bucky informed you, while instantly following up on his words, stopping his jeep on the side of the road. His metal arm whirred in readjustment.

You still hadn’t the faintest clue what his intentions were. “Are we out of gas?” was your simplest conclusion.

Bucky threw the door open and leaped out of the car, leaving the engine roaring and the headlights shining bright. Stomping on the muddy grass, hands in his neck to help him breathe, he stood in front of the car. His silhouette perfectly outlined by the headlights—you were painfully reminded by how gorgeous he was.

“James?” you asked quietly. His name brought up no reaction, though it should have, since you only called him James during intimate times. Slowly, you made your way out of the car and joined Bucky to stand by his side.

“Okay, here goes,” growled Bucky, his eyes fluttering open when he sensed your warm presence beside him. “I don’t think you should let your parents talk to you that way. That makes no fucking sense. But that’s not why I’m mad. That’s your parents’ fault. Apologies, but they fucking suck. They don’t deserve you. At all.”

“Wait,” you still had to catch up, “What are you mad at me for?”

“For not fucking telling me!” Bucky busted out. “Doll, I have told you everything there is to know about me. My whole past, all my fears, it’s all out there. I talk to you. You have to talk to me too.”

For some reason, you could only think of that once he’d said it. After helping him overcome so many traumas, he could help you, too. Though the things you experienced were on a significantly smaller scale than Bucky, it was still troubling, and Bucky still wanted to help. You couldn’t even remember how often Bucky had woken up from a nightmare, screaming, bathed in sweat, occasionally attacking you with his metal arm, the one that had been so wired to do the killing. It had taken a long time before he was willing to talk about it. It had taken an even longer time for him to stop trying to push you away every time something happened. However, once he had accepted that you weren’t going anywhere, the relationship had grown all the more stronger.

“Bucky, it’s not that easy--”

“Don’t you think I know that?” Bucky demanded, his full body and full frustration now turned to you. “Doll, you’re the one who convinced me to share my feelings, talk, talk, talk. And now I find out you haven’t been talking about the thing that bothers you most. I guessed your parents were shitty but I never knew it was like this.” 

Your heart was pounding in your chest, aching your ribcage. “I don’t want to talk about it,” you exclaimed. “You have enough on your plate as it is. You don’t need my childish mommy and daddy problems on top of that. It’s fine! I learned how to deal with it. I just didn’t want to fucking bother you with it.” 

Bucky’s eyes flared dangerously as he stepped in closer to me. “I want you to bother me!” he yelled. “I want you to tell me everything that’s on your mind, every little thing. I want to know everything about you because I love you, and I want you to trust me. I want you...” He inhaled sharply, seeing your shocked expression, taking a step back. Took a deep breath. “I just want you to bother me. Like I bother you.” 

There were tears burning in your eyes. “I’m sorry. I... I guess I tried to protect you from my stupid problems but you’re right. I wanted you to bother me, too.” 

“Okay,” Bucky was focussing on his breathing, probably counting to ten. It had started to rain. There were only several raindrops one second, then ear deafening thunder boomed in the distance, and suddenly rain came pouring from the sky without a shred of mercy, instantly draining you to the bone. “Well, shit,” he growled. “I hadn’t expected the day to go like this.” The furious fire that had been awakened in his eyes was slowly mellowing, and he moistened his lips with the tip of his tongue despite the rain. 

You shrugged, wiping a tear from underneath your eyes, which also didn’t matter thanks to the rain. “I kind of did. I knew it was going to be a disaster.” 

“All this because I jumped off the bridge, huh?” Bucky smiled a little, picking up your gesture and removing the smudged mascara from under your eyes. “Listen, I love you, crazy parents or not. I’m glad you introduced me. Feel like we took a step today.” 

“I hadn’t expected this, but I’m glad I introduced you, too,” you said. “I mean, you really showed them. Told them what you thought and then got the fuck out of the house. That was... Thank you for that. I love you so much.” You were still crying, but they had transformed themselves into happy tears, and mingled with the rain streaming down your face. Your hands cupped Bucky’s face, holding him close. 

Bucky’s hands, flesh and metal, were on your waist, pressing you closer to his body. “I love you too,” he whispered against lips, his hot breath sending chills down your spine. 

You shivered, inhaling the smell of him, strengthened by the heavy rainfall. “We did enough talking and sharing feelings for today, right?”

Bucky couldn’t get himself to properly respond, and firmly pressed his lips on top of yours. He held onto you and you held onto him, both with so much passion and adoration, you realised it didn’t matter how much you would ‘bother’ each other. You’d always love him, and he’d always love you.

[pokemagines]

takumi, gaius, henry, robin, & soren + summoner using their confession lines

anon asked: “I absolutely love this blog I'm so glad I found it!!! If at all possible can I have a summoner that has played the games using a characters confession line against them? Like with Takumi, Gaius, Henry, and any others that you like? Oh and what if the summoner creates ones for the characters who don’t have one like Grima/Robin, Alphonse, Corrin, Ect.”

a/n: y’all i am So Tired.... work is really Like That huh? OH and i got a kitten too recently!! we names her loki bc she’s v mischievous lmao --mod touko

also: i was rereading takumi’s confession line for this and i SCREAMED the japanese version he literally calls u sister i’m!!!! that is NOT okay sdkjhgfkfgjls

takumi: 

you’ve known about his crush on you for the longest time, as it’s not really subtle. he always gets flustered whenever you get near him, yelling something about you distracting him in order to try and get you to not be so close to him. (it’s embarrassing to him for you to see him all flustered).

so, you decide to confess to him first, but, not knowing what to say, you decide to tease him a bit and use words you know he’s said to corrin in another lifetime. you grab both his hands, making him look you in the eyes while you say it.    + “if you were aiming for my heart, you’ve struck true... this was meant to be...”

takumi is quiet for a moment, before laughing. you’re confused, wondering if this is him rejecting you (even though you were sure he liked you... could you have been wrong?)     + “i’m sorry but that was kind of cheesy!” he says inbetween laughs, “is this how people confess in your world?” you just kind of... blank out and don’t have the heart to tell him that that is in fact his own line.       “you’re such a jerk takumi!” you jest, lightly punching him in the ribs. he ruffles your your hair, smirking down at you.      “yeah, but i’m your jerk.”      “oh c’mon that was worse than y- i mean, my line!”

gaius:

gaius aka “i have the cheesiest confession line ever” took a while to warm up to you (he’s very skeptical about forging bonds with people). he’s not the best in battle, but he is good at sneaking behind enemy lines and collecting intel for you, which is how the two of you became close. he even gave you a nickname -- “honey” because of your love of the sweet candies he makes. (it’s been misinterpreted by people many times).

one day, the two of you are talking about the worst romantic experiences you’ve ever had -- gaius’s was where he once thought frederick was into him because he wouldn’t stop following him around and staring at him, turns out the knight just thought he was going to break into the royal treasury.     + “well, once this guy confessed his love to me by saying “baby you’re a river of chocolate in an ocean of cream... i’m going to steal your heart on a daily basis.”      “...what’s wrong with that? it’s kind of sweet, i guess?”      “gaius what the heck that’s literally the cheesiest line in the entire world... seriously, you couldn’t have thought up anything... sweeter than that?”      “wait, what do you mean by “you”... did i say that when i was drunk or something???”

after you let that slip and explain to gaius that fire emblem is a game in your world he promises to write you up something 100x better than game gaius could ever think of. you highly doubt it. 

henry:

henry seems to have taken a liking to you as you both quickly bonded over the sharing of very fatalistic humor (which some of the other heroes found very odd but they were too afraid of henry to point it out). the two of you had a mutual crush on each other, and you thought of no better way to confess than using his own words -- plus, it’d be funny to see his reaction.

you have the perfect opportunity when you see henry outside by himself, talking to a group of ravens. the raven stare menacingly at you as you get closer to the white-haired boy, but you don’t feel unnerved until he actual stands up and smiles at you, then you know what you have to do.    + “henry... i’ve been meaning to tell you something all day.” you nervously shift your weight from left to right. taking a deep breath, you swallow your pride and grab his hands, forcing yourself to look into his deep brown eyes. “i’ll love you with every ounce of my blood until i die...” silence. then you hear henry make a tut noise.       “aw rats! i was going to say that exact thing to you!” you see him pout, but you doubt he means it. “are you a psychic or something? c’mon tell me! if we’re gonna be together til death do us part, i’ve gotta know all your secrets... even the gross ones!”       “yes henry. i can read your mind. everyone in my world has a superpower, you know.” you joke, knowing he’ll take the bait.      “no way!! that is so cool! alright can you read my mind now?”      “you’re thinking that if you could have a superpower it would be necromancy, am i right?” he looks at you in awe.      “no way! no way! ooh, can we go read other people’s minds now! we can find out all their dark secrets... you’re really something special, babe!”

robin:

robin always offered to help you out with tactics. even when she was first summoned, she’d be by your side, helping you draw up routes and giving you advice on how to win the battle while also keeping everyone alive. 

it didn’t take long for you to fall for her, hard. she was the full package: smart, sassy, gorgeous beyond belief... everything about her drew you in more, until one day you couldn’t take bottling up your feelings anymore, and you decide to tell her.     + “ah! summoner, just the girl/guy i wanted to see! i was wondering if you wanted to eat lunch with me? there’s this really pretty grove of flowers i saw outside and i was wondering if you wanted to see them with me?” she’s not wearing her thick tactician cloak and you can see just how beautiful she really is, dark skin, freckles littered all over her shoulders... she’s breathtaking. you feel your head start to spin. “...if you don’t want to do that we could always--”      “no! i-i’d love too! i just have to tell you something first...” she nods, insisting for you to go on, and you take a deep breath: “hm... it seems i’ve found myself in a situation where i must admit defeat. very well, my heart is yours.” robin flushes a bit at your odd confession, before laughing quietly to herself.      “i’m sorry, for a moment there i thought you were another version of me!” she puts a hand on your shoulder, “not the way i saw this going, but it was cute!” she leans up and pecks you on the cheek. “so, you want to get some lunch with me, dear?” the way she says the word makes you melt, and you can only answer with a quiet.      “mhm.”

soren: 

soren and you have a rivalry of sorts, that started from the moment alfonse chose your plan over his. he sees you as a much inferior tactician, as he’s been studying his whole life and you’ve been studying for... well, as long as you’ve been in askr. he sees you as a hack running off luck.

it’s not until he goes to return a book late at night and sees you studying, eyes bloodshot and hardly able to stay awake that he realizes how hard you’re trying. he swallows his pride and sits down, asking about how you manage to come up with strategies despite having little to no knowledge on how the battlefield works. you perk up (as best as you can) and tell him how you come up with your strategies. he listens, and finds you not as insufferable as he once thought... maybe...

you know he has feelings for you. it’s evident how he sticks by your side, despite saying biting words towards you at times, he slowly but surely starts opening up to you. even ike (dense as he can be) seems to take notice, and teases his strategist about it.

of course, you know he won’t be the first one to confess because of how much of a tsundere he can be, so you take it into your own hands to tell him how you feel.    + “if you’ve come to pester me again, i’m busy.” he says curtly, but still moves over to where there was enough room for you to sit down. soren doesn’t look at you, but you can see a slight blush creep up on his cheeks.       “riiiiiight. so i’m guessing these week-old maps are keeping you busy? wait, is that a drawing of me in the corner?” he flusters immediately, ripping up the maps into little pieces. you chuckle, and he hisses, glaring at you as if to dare you to mention it again. you sit beside him on his work bench. “i came for a much different reason, i have to tell you how i feel--”      “why should i care about your feelings?      “because i like you. a lot.”      “just as you have to like everyone in the army. if that is all you can go now.” you would never have feelings for him, right?      “no, gods soren... do you want me to put it in words you can understand?” you put on your best impression of soren’s voice. “how did you do it? you’ve somehow... sorry, i should try and be nice since i-- i like you, okay? don’t make me say it again.” you giggle, “that’s how i think you would confess to someone, anyways.” you look at soren who’s completely flushed. he’s never had someone who liked him romantically before, heck, he’s only had one friend his whole life! what was he supposed to say?      “i guess the feeling is mutual.” he pouts, composing himself, “but that impression of me was gods-awful.”      “now that we’re dating, get used to hearing bad impressions alllllll day.” you link your pinky in his, and wink at him.      “now wait a minute!”

[questionairesforme]

Are you bothered by your cosmic insignificance? i'm terribly aware of it, sometimes that can make it difficult to find the point in staying alive. i can hardly imagine anyone who's not bothered by this tbh, doesn't it make everything we do sort of pointless?

Do you mourn for a place or person you’ve never known? i definitely do. i long for something more.

Do you really think there is somebody for everybody? honestly, i don't know. i certainly dont think there is one specific person for everyone but i guess it only makes sense that everybody's got several peopple they feel comfortable with and are a perfect fit. the question is, will they ever meet one of them?

Do you place any value in gender roles? no

Do you have to be related to be family? no, family is so much more than that.

Are your platonic relationships just as valuable as romantic or family ones? definitely. some even more so.

Are you in love? Do you want to be? i am. i'm not sure if i want to be.

Do you think you can put love into categories (family, platonic, romantic, etc.) or is it just one general sensation? i find it difficult to see differences between platonic and romantic love, especially when a romantic relationship went on for a while. ig the feelings are mostly the same, you just choose to express them in different ways.

Would you be happy with a life without romance? idk i guess i'd start longing for it eventually.

Are you always going to be a little in love with somebody? yea

Would you change your appearance if you could? hell yes

Do you have the feeling you’ve lost something you might have had in another life - whether it be a person, a place, a world, a language, etc.? i have never thought of it that way but it makes total sense to me

Do you think you’re special, or just another person amongst billions? Can you be both? just another person

Did you have imaginary friends? Do you still have them? i dont think i ever had any

Are you religious? Do you think your religion is ‘correct’? no

If you aren’t religious, do you wish you were? Why? i sometimes do. i imagine its quite reassuring to believe in some greater power and it might make life seem more meaningful

Do you want a grand adventure? yes please but also i'm scared to leave the house

Do you have somebody, whether it be a friend or stranger, who you think you could have loved if the circumstances were different? yes

Is love about convenience or something more? Can it be about both? I DONT KNOW why would u ask that. ig it is mainly about convenience in the end

Do you think you really understand your gender and sexuality? nah. does anyone ever really understand?

What’s the most life-changing choice you’ve made so far? idk

Are you afraid of growing old? yea. i don't wanna do that, man

Would you want to live forever? How about for a billion years, a million, a millennium, a century? NO

Do you believe in some form of god/s? no

Are your choices fated or of your own free will? free will. however, i really cant shake the feeling that there is some greater scheme behind all of it

Do you have a hunch about how you’re going to die? oh yes

Do you believe in star signs? nah

How old do you have to be to be considered an adult? id sure like to know

Was your childhood happy? i wouldn't say i was a happy child. too much trauma to deal with.

What are you missing from your life? happiness, purpose.

Have you ever met someone who had a very similar personality to your own? Did you get along? yes. we did get along until she stopped talking to me for no apparent reason.

Do opposites attract? thats a tough one.

Is your life what you expected it would be five years ago? dude i never planned this far ahead

Do you know what you want out of life? no. to be happy, i suppose

What makes a person ‘good’? Are you a ‘good person’? caring for others, having their best interest in mind, being honest

What fundamentally matters do you? honesty, trust, friendship, family, relationships

Is freewill an illusion? dude idk

Do you create art? How do you define art? art is anything you want it to be. i used to create art but i don't anymore

How often do you lie? Is all lying inherently bad? Are you generally truthful? id say im generally truthful as i consider lying to be bad. however, i do lie to protect others (or myself in rather irrelevant situations)

Do you want to be remembered after your death? What for? of course i don't want everyone to immediately forget me, i'd love it if sometimes they thought of me when a certain song comes on

Is true world peace ever possible? not as long as humans exists

Are you free? Will you ever be? Can anyone be truly free? No. I am bound by financial, time and space constraints.

Do you hold yourself to higher standards than you hold others? yes, sometimes i do

What do you expect from a friend or partner? honesty, loyalty, communication, being on equal footing, trust

What question could you ask to find out the most about a person? people are not truthful enough for this

Do you justify all your beliefs or have you just inherited/absorbed some? i mean... i do like to have some sort of truth and facts to back up my believes?

Which beliefs do you have that is most likely to be wrong? human beings are inherently good

Can human really understand the complete nature of the universe, space and time? no, under no circumstance

Do you thinks humans are obsessed with escapism (books, video games, movies, etc.)? Are you looking for an escape? Do you think that’s a bad thing? definitely. why wouldnt we be? what else is there to distract us from our cosmic insignificance and how pointless this life actually is? if we didnt try to escape we would have all committed suicide by now lol. that wouldnt be such a bad thing tho i guess

Are we eventually going to ‘run out’ of new combinations for music, art, language, etc.? Is there a limit to human creativity? no, there will always be partially new elements

Do we live in tumultuous times, or do they just seem so strange because we’re living in them? are times ever not strange and tumultuous

Would you want to meet a clone of yourself? Would you like them? hell nah. i even hate seeing only parts of myself in others lol

How confident are you, really? idk not very confident id say

How consistent is your perception of time? dude dont get me started

What age should people be allowed to vote? Should children and teenagers be allowed to vote? i feel like for teenagers age shouldnt matter, it would be more useful to quiz them to assess whether they understand the power they are given by voting

How do you feel about monogamy? i prefer monogamous relationships.

Can you be in love with someone and still fall in love with someone else? yes

What’s the tragedy of your life? i have been given so much but my mind wont let me appreciate any of it

Would your life make a good play? nah

Would you fight for your country? Do you feel a sense of loyalty to your nation? no

Do you believe in gender equality in every aspect? uh, of course i do?

Do we have a moral obligation to care for others? To what extent? i think we do.

Do you crave approval and/or praise? i guess i do to an extent

Are you ever going to be satisfied? dont think so

When you are sad, do you listen to music that conveys your emotions or music that makes you happy? i usually listen to aggressive music to change my mood lol

Is your music organised by mood or sensation or do you just listen to everything at any time? by mood

Would you marry a friend if they needed you to (e.g. for citizenship)? yes

Are you a deep person? i'm shallow even though i don't mean to be

Given the chance to live your life on Mars, with no hope of returning to Earth but with the promise of scientific discovery and glory, would you take it? no

Are you who people think you are? no but i am even a mystery onto myself lmao

Do you think you would be happier if you had been born a different gender, sexuality, race, ethnicity, nationality or religion? no

What’s your toxic trait? Are you trying to improve yourself and fix it? i can be controlling, i'm trying to be better

Do you anger easily? yes

Are you a jealous person? yea tho usually in non-romantic relationships

If you lost all your memories, would you have the same personality? no?

Given the chance to reset your life (with none of the knowledge you currently have), would you take it? whats the point

Is hate as strong as love? Who do you hate? i guess it can be. i have never felt hate like that. only towards ppl i have never met

Do you speak multiple languages? Which do you dream in? What language would you want to learn? i speak english and german. i dream in german, during my time abroad i did start to dream in english occasionally tho lol. if it didnt take any time or effort i would love to learn alll the languages. especially spanish and russian i guess

Do you draw meaning from your dreams, or do you disregard them? usually i overthink them lol

How would you describe yourself when you love? Do you love forcefully, unconditionally, gently, quietly, desperately? unconditionally

Is unrequited love real love? sure? feelings do not become real only if they're reciprocated? lol. of course it probably cannot be as profound as the love you feel for someone you've been with for some time

Is your perception of yourself similar or the same to how others perceive you? no

Are you overly analytical? no

Do you ever feel that you are really a terrible person, and only act good out of societal or some other obligation? not really, no

Do you believe in magic? Are you superstitious? i don't believe in magic. i am a little stitious.

[ts-hvv4]

EPISODE THREE: I’M A GENIUS AND A MORON - OLIVIA

I'm still feeling weird in regards to old saint Nicklas. The vote went from him suggesting Ricky to everybody just hopping aboard that train in minutes/an hour so I think I'll have to leep my eye on him for sure. I dont want to say much for now though but I may need to start some seed droppin’.

So I now have an alliance with Kurt, Sharifa, and Ned and tbh we stan. Kurt and Sharifa are messy bitches, and Ned is our straight ally. Olivia and Trent are shady and can go. This individual immunity twist is annoying, I'm fine with going to tribal I guess but the fact that up to 3 people on our tribe could win immunity... thank u next! Well, I guess I'll have to see how this challenge goes before I strategize further...

I know you might need immunity Birch (more like you do) but why are you snatching from your tribe members? I guess you really want that immunity huh 😂😂 maybe there’s something I don’t know about.. I need to see about finding that idol just incase..

Olivia tries to snatch the Ancient Thera Ticket from Matt Olivia tries to snatch the Ancient Thera Ticket from Matt Olivia tries to snatch the Ancient Thera Ticket from Matt Olivia tries to snatch the Ancient Thera Ticket from Matt Olivia tries to snatch the Ancient Thera Ticket from Matt Olivia tries to snatch the Ancient Thera Ticket from Matt

With the twist of both tribes going to Tribal Council this round I’m feeling a little bit nervous. I can’t go for the immunity necklaces myself because of my work schedule. I’m not necessarily nervous for my own game though. The McBITCHES alliance and the TEA SLUTS alliance are both alive and well. OLIVIA and I are discussing possible boots as well and we’re leaning towards NED and JAKE since they’re both hardly around. Out of those two, I think I’d prefer JAKE to be the one voted out next. NED and I have a little bit of history from previous non-TS games and I genuinely think we could work well together. OLIVIA did pitch JAKE to me, so I think we could make that happen fairly easily. But it’s still very early and a whole lot of things could change between now and tribal.

I’m a genius and a moron

* a bit later*

Me in a pepper Potts voice: you can rest now, summers 

Matt summers: finally closes his eyes knowing I can no longer spam him 

 Me: now onto this bitch Keegan who keeps trying to steal my goddamn ticket

* a while after that*

If Kurt takes one look at the atomic wiki my life is over

Really really really bonded with Kurt during this challenge and the last few days. We were already buddies and good with each other but I feel closer than ever and I really love that dude 🥰

Trent had to talk to me to get birch’s name out because we both wanted to say but I had him say it!! But I didn’t want to throw birch’s name out RIGHT in front of Keegan like that but he seemed to switch with us..idk if he’s for it or if it’s just for the group or if he’s just not for it but he probably doesn’t trust me for that LMAO yikes

I’ve forgiven birch for what happened in our last game but I’ll never be comfortable existing in a game simultaneously as them ever again. I’ve been uncomfortable since day 1 and I hope we finally vote them out so that experience can stop plaguing me with birch’s presence

Now that this challenge is 4.5 hours from finish, I suppose 9 would be a good time to get started or maybe sooner. A part of me felt it may be smarter to not post at all but I I don't want people getting too suspicious of me and feel I have an idol

Hmm so the goal today will be to get votes onto Emma and then proceed to get 2 votes on someone else in case of the idol...let's see if it goes anywhere!

Kurt and I at tribal council with immunities around our necks https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wcTQclKPZ2g&feature=youtu.be

Listen did I intentionally let slip that Kage most likely used that extra vote on Sarah later on so matt might change his vote and I would get the advantage IM NOT SAYING YES OR NO But also I’ve been so worried about summers but he said he wanted to work together and with smart people and the people on his tribe honestly seem frustrating and I was like babe sign me up. I hope he doesn’t strangle the life out of me again but I’d rather have a friend out of him than an enemy I chose the villainous route for the advantage 😬 if I told birch they were getting votes they would’ve flipped out and spiraled all day, I couldn’t do it. its only round three and it’s so messy oh my god. Please let me sleep and let this vote pass

Sooooo. Olivia told me that people have been talking about me and Lukas in Uluru, so that fun. I have a target on my back because of a game i played 8 months ago and a person who isn't even on my tribe. I also don't have immunity. I think we are going Ned, but I have Paranoia.

Tell me why Emma is saying there were nothing at Thera. That’s such a blatant lie. I don’t believe it. We just had our votes revealed AND an extra vote and she got nothing? Anyways. She’s already told Dennis where she looked for the idol. Tried talking to Sarah while she was at Thera. And then told me she had nothing there. So like clearly she don’t trust me like I thought she would when I first started playing Also just to be clear, it’s very likely Kage who voted Sarah this last round so we need to keep that in mind (and make her paranoid about it so she doesn’t stick with the 5).

So now the immunity's over and it seemed Emma was going, but now I know she is likely going to vote Kage out, which is good that it isn't me, but I hope no idol play kills Kage ahh.

My plan of wanting to vote our JAKE or NED didn’t exactly pan out the way I wanted to. The McBITCHES alliance decided that voting out BIRCH is our best option right now. They’re difficult to maintain conversation with and apparently they have a connection with Lucas on the other tribe. If there’s a swap that kind of connection could be bad. However everyone in this game has some kind of connection. It’s not necessarily a bad thing. NED and I have a bit of an alliance ongoing right now so keeping him around could definitely be beneficial.

Both tribes are going to tribal. All 3 Immunities are at the other tribe and that is exactly how I wanted things to go. I wanted to keep the options for our tribal as open as possible 1/8 chance to be voted out is way better than 1/5, not that I could've been there for 24hrs to do the challenge anyways, but yeah. Long story short Matt approaches me and asks me to work together to keep the Ancient Thera ticket between us, just to properly find out what is going on there. Because for some reason a lightround has been activated from ancient Thera and an extra vote was cast, that wasn't revealed and nobody wants to own up to it. None of the ancient Thera people seem to wanting to talk about it. Matt gets the ticket, goes there and tells me that he has to fullfil this 1 task otherwise he loses his vote. Besides that he tells me that Malik is on the outs of the other tribe and Birch's option apparently was either, no advantage for themselves but advantage for the tribe or the other way around with a disadvantage for the tribe. So Kage lied : ))) I know that, Matt knows that, Sarah knows that. Kage is definitely NOT trustworthy. But who do we vote now? The idol has been found (somewhat likely by Kage, seeing that he mentioned the door quite a few times), but it also could be in the posession of literally anyone else. So it has been my goal for the entire cycle to stay good with everyone and make sure that if there is an advantage being played, it isn't played against me. Kage has been going around all day making sure the vote is on Emma, what I am okay with, since Emma has been literally non-available since the game started. But yeah let's see. Last tribal prove 1 thing and that we can most likely count on many advantages to be showing up in a season like this, so in the end. Anyone can go home...

Right now, Emma's on and has been informed she is getting votes. Dennis claimed she wants to go on Kage, which confused me only because I thought he already told me but I guess that was just Nicklas and/or Matt...Matt at least told me haha so I hope this won't be flipping over on Kage but yeah the next few hours should be interesting

So my alliance with Ned, Kurt, and Sharifa is confirmed with Malik on the side. The vote seems to be geared towards Birch since they’re not in our alliance or Sharifa’s alliance with Trent and Olivia. Apparently Birch is voting Ned and Trent or Olivia is throwing a vote on Ned, so it looks like Ned and I are throwing a vote on Keegan in case an idol is somehow played. Doesn’t matter to me as long as I’m not voted out. But after that I want my allies safe hehe. I think there will be a tribe swap next. I don’t really want to throw a vote because if i’m on a tribe with trent and olivia or keegan i’d have to own it or lie, either way there could be a good amount of tension. SOS!

The closer it gets to tribal the worse I feel about the vote possibly being BIRCH. They’re just so lovely and fun to have around. NED is an alright dude but he’s so inactive compared to BIRCH or literally anyone on the tribe. It’s sort of painful to be voting out someone I genuinely like in the off chance that they align with someone they previously played with it a swap happens. But such is the game. In the long run keeping NED is actually going to be better for my game. Right now he’s currently just an extra vote to be used by whoever he sticks by. So I’m going to do my best to make sure that it is me he’s sticking by.

I’m really really scared they’re all lying to me and it’s gonna be me tonight but I’ve just gotta go with the flow I guess. I don’t wanna look like a fool  

have been mega busy but here's the lowdown Oliva and Trent are frickin chaches who think they're running the show but they're dumb Sharifa is my #1 now Sharifa Kurt Jake and I are in an alliance and Malik is our 5th number and we've formed to put a stop to Olivia and Trent But this vote we are voting out Birch because we don't want to cause a ton of chaos before the swap. And I am getting votes from Keegan and Birch so Jake and I are voting Keegan in case Birch plays an idol. I'm concerned about Oliva and Trent voting me as well, causing a 4-3-2 vote. I tried to convince everyone to vote Keegan/Olivia/Trent but no one wants to make any ripples. If I go home because of this I'll be big mad. Keegan sucks at this game and life Olivia and Trent also suck at this game and should leave the internet forever. 

Okay so it should be Emma going tonight. I don’t like that bc I like Emma a lot but I guess people want whatever is easiest. TBH I don’t like Kage that much so I am just itching to flip but I know it’s too early to be a crackhead like that. So RIP Emma. Here are my thots on everyone Kage - a little brash and not fun to talk to, I want him gone like now. Matt - very nice and smart and needs to go before it’s too late. Sarah - I am coming to love her. Dennis - I <3 him. Nicklas - Cool but a lil much sometimes. I really try to vibe w him because I wanted him as my #1 but he’s hard to read. Andreas - Same as Matt. I think he’s easier to read but I think he’s also better socially than Matt. Anyone else - idek. I want a swap or sumn. I’m getting a little bored of these ppl. Also fuck whatever person got me eliminated from the last challenge. I was just trying to have funnnnnnnnnnnn! But everyone who got a necklace deserved it bc they worked so hard.

Emma is fighting to get Kage out. And this is exactly why we’re friends. We literally just chose the same person because we don’t like him lol. I wonder if it helped that I tried convincing Sarah that Kage voted her the other day. Dennis is low key against it because he doesn’t want anyone to get mad. But I think imma try seeing if people would be willing to do it 

 ***20 mins later*** 

Okay welp. I tried. Emma’s been too inac tho and most people don’t think they should save her Whatever ig. I’m okay with it. Hopefully it doesn’t get back to Kage I tried to get people to flip I only really dislike Kage on my tribe. And have been less connected with Chris. But I’ve talked a lot with Dennis, Lukas, Matt, Sarah, and Andreas so as long as no one gets paranoid, the swap we’re all expecting shouldn’t be bad.

[meulinthekittytroll]

Rant af I'm sorry

Yunno I don’t know what my dads problem is with my boyfriend. He doesn’t like him, at all. And I honestly have no idea why. Maybe it’s because this is the only relationship he’s seen me in? I’m not sure But if my dad could have seen all my past relationships he’d understand why B is probably the only one I could ever want to be with. There were some major people who impacted my life in negative ways and I’m still recovering from them. I will point out the major ones First there was David. He tried to kill me once, and manipulated me and made my self esteem plummet. (Grade 3-7) Yes, I know, 3rd through 7th grade and he tried to KILL you? Are you over exaggerating? No I’m not lol. Then there was Devin. He was the first boy to cheat on me. Which made my self esteem plummet even further. He also was the first boy to treat me… like I wasn’t a person I guess?? I don’t know how to describe that one but it made me feel very inferior. (Grade 6) young I know but shoosh this shit can happen at any age if you let it happen. Then there was Max. We never actually dated, but he is still very important because oh boy I crushed on this boy HARD from 8th to 10th grade. He and I had a thing going on in 8th grade but never quite did anything about it which only made me like him more. Then 9th grade came along and we only got closer but still didn’t quite do anything. (I also had a boyfriend at that time that I’ll get to in JUST a second) Finally 10th grade came along and I FINALLY made a move, only to get shot down, HARD. That was partly my fault I suppose for being too scared to tell him my feelings earlier than that. But still, ouch ouch that hurt me a lot. Jacob, the boyfriend mentioned just a second ago, this was a long distance relationship. He was a couple years older than me and I had never met him in person, I dated him because I was extremely lonely. This lasted almost a year, but not quite. It started out really fun because I could lowkey flirt with Max but still have someone to go home to and text and get the feelings of love that Max didn’t give me, I know I know that’s borderline cheating but hey I was in 9th grade and I was stupid in love with Max and it was just a messy time in my life and Ive obviously learned from it and cheating is disgusting ugh……. ihatemyselfAAAAnyways, as the months rolled by, things slowly went downhill with this Jacob kid. He just was a downer. We both were depressed and got even sadder when we realized we couldn’t meet for a long time blah blah you get the point everything was a mess and he made me extremely unhappy, that was a very toxic relationship and I’m glad nothing ever became of it. I haven’t talked to him in almost a year, I hope he’s doing well. Also in 10th grade I developed this crush on this boy named Anthony and he was a dorky kind of cute, tall and scrawny but still muscly, I dug it. I flat out told him I liked him bc I didn’t want another Max situation and he seemed interested at first until he told one of his friends that doubled as my friend that he wasn’t interested so I obviously found out and got shot down again. Ouch! When that didn’t happen I started talking to a good friend I also met over the internet named Gavin and wowie did this boy make me feel wanted and loved. I had a brief thing with him previously but it never followed through, due to the fact that he was a dickbag and cheated on me and blamed it on some personality disorder where he needed more than one girlfriend to be satisfied *cough* bullshit *cough* but anyways, I tried it with him again the summer going into 11th grade c he was sooooooo sorry and loved me soooo much and wanted to marry me (gag!) anyways, things were good for a while but then he slowly stopped talking to me and cheated again and all this other shit and as my confidence in myself slowly went down the garbage disposal as it had been since like 4th grade, I finally told myself enough is enough and told him I was done with him. I told myself I was done with boys until the right one came along and treated me right. As a junior at a new school with no friends, I assumed it would take until junior year of COLLEGE to even consider boys again (besides possibly sleeping around once I got too tired of being a virgin kek) But yunno, life throws unexpected things at you. I remember the night so clearly. I went to bed finally content with being alone, not having to worry about any boy cheating on me or making me feel bad or putting me down constantly. Then, wouldn’t you know it, the NEXT FUCKIN DAY, this super duper cute boy I had seen a few times around school walked into my first period photography class. And I thought to myself “fuck.” Bc I immediately knew something would happen between us. This boy was he perfect mix of goofy, nerdy, and cute as fuck, with a hint of holy shit you’re SEXY. Exactly my type. Tall, dark, and handsome (a spongebob reference has never been more relatable) ((besides maybe “i’m surrounded my idiots”)) ANNYYYWAYS Me and this kid start talking bc I grew a pussy (not balls bc balls are sensitive and vaginas take a pounding) and gave the kid my Snapchat. That same day I reaaallly wanted a chance to talk to him so I posted a pic on my story of me and my dog havin’ a blast (rip Lily u will be missed ily thank you for being the reason the loml messaged me for the first time) anywho, HE MESSAGED ME FIRST AND WE STARTED TALKING AND SHIT bc he thought my dog was cute af (which she was!!!!) and we kept talking and talking and found we had so much in common and finallyyyy we admitted to each other we liked each other and started dating soon after and I’m spare you all the mushy details of how that came to be. Back to the reason why I started writing this little rant/story in the first place. My dad borderline hates the guy. But what my dad doesn’t understand (which is a lot but these next few sentences are important) Every single relationship I’ve had, was with a guy who has done nothing but lead me on, cheat on me, or abuse me (both physically (which only happened twice thank god) and mentally (which happened SO MUCH OH MY GOD it’s so much harder to catch that than actually getting physically abused) Yet, my current boyfriend…. we’re gonna call him B, bc his name is unique and I don’t want people knowing who I am if this ever gets read by someone who knows me and cares enough to read though all of this. B is the most beautiful person I have ever met, inside and out. He makes me feel important. He makes every day a blessing. When I first moved in with my dad in the beginning of 11th grade, I was a complete shut in. I hardly ever left my room besides to eat and bathe. After I met B, I started opening up and spending time with the family, and I made such amazing friends at school that I would have never talked to if it weren’t for him. B makes everything exciting. Of course we have had our fair share of bumps in the road, but ever healthy relationship does. And yunno what else healthy relationships do? They talked them through and fix the problems!!! B has made it so clear to me that I am worth all of the shit that goes on sometimes, and believe me I can be crazy so that is saying something. And oh boy is he a package deal too. He’s constantly got something going on, he’s quite frankly an idiot sometimes. But hey, he’s my idiot! I’ve never woken up and been happy about being alive since I was like 10, until B came around. B completely flipped my view of the world around. We tell each other this thing all the time because weird kinda opposites when it comes to certain things. He looks like the moon, but is the sun. And I look like the sun, but am the moon. He has dark hair and he’s got olive skin (very Italian looking) looking like a human version of the moon. But he has this optimistic view on life, the personality of the sun. Then there’s me; golden brown hair with fair skin, I look like the sun. But I’m kinda a pessimist, and I also am quite the night owl (he definitely isn’t!) personality of the moon. That might not make sense to you, but it does to us. I’m getting side tracked. The whole fuckin point is, I hadn’t felt true happiness since I was 10 until I met this guy. My dad says we aren’t going to last. My dad barely even lets me see him outside of school once a week, and when he does let me he always gives this disapproving scowl and scoff when I ask to see my boyfriend (who I have been with for well over a year now) once a week. Oh and by the way, he LIVES with his girlfriend who he’s only been dating a few more months than B and I have been. I wonder what he’d feel like if the roles were reversed. Yunno? Like he gets to see his gf every day and sleep next to her ever night, but the moment I want to see B, I get a scowl and a reluctant confirmation that I can see him on the day I asked to see him on. I’m sorry for all this rant and I know it’s probably all over the place but I just really really had to get it out because I don’t know why my dad is so unhappy with me being with a guy who makes me so happy. It’s not like B is a delinquent. He has two jobs (one is a photography business, he does really well with it actually he shoots for weddings and shit he’s an amazing photographer ((he only took the photography class at my school for the credit and to laugh at how low quality everything was at the school and how badly they taught it))) and he’s polite and respectful. My father truly has no reason to not like him, he has no idea how badly I’ve been treated up until I met B. B treats me better than anyone ever has, including my dad. Everyone else in my family loves him! Not nearly as much as I love the son of a bitch tho. I truly grew up from 3rd grade on getting belittled and cheated on and made to feel terrible, and if my dad knew that or understood it, maybe he wouldn’t hate the boy that made me happy to be alive again. Thank u for the ppl who took the time to read this through even tho I doubt anyone will do that bless u ilysm

[meltedmagazine]

AN INTERVIEW WITH THE FUNS

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The Funs itself was a positive result of a time of negativity. Do your songs reflect this? Are they aimed towards creating a positive attitude?

   To me The Funs is about creating positivity from a dark place. It’s obvious if you pay attention to what’s going on in our music. My lyrics very much reflect what is currently happening in my life and documents our evolutionary time line. The Funs started in a depressed and desperate state. I was limp and basically walking around with no skin. You know, being 21? My immediate family is densely touched with mental illness of the schizophrenic variety. I had to get the fuck out of that head space to make it. I had to reprogram the path ways in my brain. You can hear it in those earliest recordings because they’re blown out, hardly listenable, trashy and lyrics are raw and biting, and as we climb out of that hole, the lyrics get more hopeful and the tones start to get a little softer. There are these glimpses of the sun and flashes of it getting better.

   In the beginning it was me and Philip vs the world, surviving, but now we’ve carved a place for ourselves and we’re really happy and healthy. We’re keeping the shadows in check. I think you see it in our newest stuff that we can breathe now and that we fought for it. We started out as a two piece. I get really sick of calling it that, a two piece I mean. Philip and I have always played together because we are lifers. This is it. Whatever form it takes we’re not stopping. I just get tired of getting labeled anything really even though that’s what has to happen.  But to answer your question yes I am positive person that is riding the REAL into the pink and blue sunset. Every day I work for it and it comes out in the songs.

How has creating music allowed you to channel negative energy and/or escape it?

    Music has been the motivator for getting healthy. Philip and I were living in Chicago and we were both working 24-7 to live in a crappy apartment in Pilsen for $800 dollars a month that only had heat in the kitchen. We practiced at 16th and Western. We lived in that practice space when we got bed bugs, drinking orange juice and eating Vienna sausages. I ate them because my Grandma gave them to me as a kid. Philip wouldn’t eat ‘em. Anyway, it wasn’t sustainable. It was a joke. We were working to live and living to play and barely getting by. I will forever be beholden to Chicago’s basements because they made me who I am today but those spaces and those shows are ephemeral. They’re like a cactus flower that blooms one night and is gone. Change is constant and I was constantly trying to figure out how the hell I could play very loud, punishingly scary, pretty sounds and capture it or record it and keep it going full steam.

   Philip always talked about his Grandpa’s place in the country and how it was this huge old house and how we could move there and clean it up and play music and tour and take care of each other. Music motivated me to move into a hoarded, abandoned, funeral home, in New Douglas IL. That’s the truth. This was four years ago about now. I don’t know how in the hell we did it looking back. It was nuts. We loaded up our mish mash pawn shop gear into a caprice classic (also Grandpa’s) and we broke down before we got out of Chicago’s city limits, so we rented a U haul and got to work. Skin to the bone work. Head to the wall work. You wouldn’t believe me if I told you work. There was a petrified squirrel in the toilet. Mouse shit and bird seed. It took years to get it livable but we started making noise immediately. We got to know our neighbors and to be accepted. I just kept telling myself it was worth it because I’d have the space and opportunity to sustain my visual and performing practice. That’s it. That’s everything. It was all inspired by playing music with Philip every day because that is what I am meant to do. Now after cleaning out an insanely, hoarded, filthy, house and basically rebuilding the whole damn thing room by room, we have something really beautiful and I can walk downstairs and pick up a guitar and press record and it’s everything to me. I’m able to share this exquisite space we made. We call it Rose Raft. It’s a place of peace, music, and making. We are officially opening as an artist and musicians residency next year. It’s all escape. It’s all healing.

How has the Chicago DIY music scene that you're a part of affected and influenced you as a band?

   As I said earlier, Chicago basements and DIY spaces made me. The ethos and ethics that uphold those spaces and their fleeting moments’ drive my being. I can let go and share. It makes me feel so present and alive like how the 1st winter night can cut your face. Chicago will beat you down as a city. Make you feel beat. 

And what do those shows, the kind where audience and band are almost in total sync, feeding off of each other, creating a coexisting mass of energy, mean to you? Do they happen often?

   Life is suffering but to me those shows are about feeling outside of that. Maybe, for some people, at those kinda shows, it’s about being seen, or getting fucked up, or getting fucked and that’s fine we’re all coping but for me it’s the two or ten kids that are really feeling it. Sometimes it’s a whole room. The lucky nights where the energy electrifies the air and it feels like lightning might strike you down. That’s when the room becomes a wave and people crash and break on you. They form a wall holding each other back so you aren’t smashed completely. People throwing themselves into sound blindly like being raptured. We are playing that emotion and hurling it back, and it tugs, and pulls, washing in, and out like tides. It’s mouth to mouth. It’s fucking beautiful and you can’t do that on a stage. It’s just not the same. It’s a whole different production. You can’t have the barriers and the body guards and green rooms and the separation. You have to be sacred and talk to people face to face. You can’t do that at Pitchfork. Not really. And it doesn’t last forever ya know? I’m grateful to have played one show like that, in my lifetime, but Chicago has spoiled me, to my very bones. It’s given me many extraordinary shows. The music there is brave and fascinating, and it carried me home. It’s my heart away from heart. I have to live the country life now to keep from going crazy but I bleed in Chicago. Those shows are endangered wild beasts that I long to visit.

You guys seem to stick pretty close to the definition of a pure DIY band. Releasing your music on cassettes, playing in people's basements, music before money, etc. Is this mentality an important aspect of creating music? Do you believe making music this way is the most fulfilling way and will lead to ultimate personal success?

    Without a doubt yes this is the only path I could have taken to self-actualization. Let me be clear though. Money is not Evil. Greed is what sucks. We all need money to be alive in America in 2016. Being in a band is a privilege that I do not take for granted. A lot of bands do and it’s boring. It makes me fucking gag. You need money to be in a freaking band. It’s why rich dude bro rock jock types get to be heard over everyone else all the time. We know this. It’s boring. But still, the reality is you need money to be in an American band. You need $$$ for a van, to fix a van, to fix a van again, to gas a van, to fix your ancient guitar, to have an amp, to repair your sweet shitty amp. Bands are fucking expensive that’s why it’s a huge god damn privilege to play music. I have to get paid to play music in order to function and I’m clear about that but the real important thing is, and what makes a big difference creatively is that money is not what motivates me to make. Real deal DIY shows take care of touring bands financially and spiritually better than a rock promoter does 9 times out of 10. Writing something that takes me to the other side and makes me feel light is what makes me feel complete always. Finishing an album is the reward. Connecting to other humans in a real and personal way is the incentive, even if they are few and far between. Not fans, not likes, not getting rich. There’s meaning in the work. It’s worth it. I like to share what I have had the opportunity to create. I take nothing for granted. There are lots of different paths you can take. There are suits, and loafers, dinners, jet fueled planes and billboards, twix bars, red bull, chevy cars, and hard rock hotels using “cool” bands to overtly and subliminally manipulate millennials into buying shit. Don’t get lost. There are several potential sources of dopamine out there. There are choices. I’m an atheist that doesn’t believe in the afterlife. I keep death in my pocket. You’ve got to. You’ve got to ask yourself the hard questions and be honest. How do want to spend your time on this momentary spark amongst black dust and diamonds? Every second counts. Who do you want to spend those seconds talking to?  

    DIY has been sold to home depot. I don’t mean to sound jaded. It’s just really tough to keep things pure. A band is business plain and simple. You are selling yourself. You are pushing a product. You’re creating an image and people are selling it. I’m mindful about what I sell but it’s impossible to play out in the world and not compromise something at least a bit. The bigger things get, the messier it gets, and that’s all. I got to be careful and protect my freak flag in the sand. I’ve done stuff for a paycheck so I could buy a guitar and plant a garden. McDonald’s was the best job I ever had in some ways. I’ve done worse. The facts are in and we live in a consumer driven capitalist country that benefits and functions from the oppression of vulnerable peoples. You’d have to live in Canada in the woods, and grow all your own food, and make all your own clothes, and play the banjo, and bathe in waterfalls to stay totally pure. I eat McDonald’s sometimes, but I’m trying. I’m trying to do right with what I’ve got and what I can create. We’re making everything out of nothing. It’s all I can do not to pop. Art is culture. Music is our most basic beauty. To sing a song and connect and express is vividly significant. Too many bands are too busy trying to do nothing but sell shit and aren’t giving anything back. The idea of a commercial rock band grosses me out. I’m more successful than I ever thought I could crawl out of. I’m grateful for my life. I get to have it because my parents made castles out of wreckage. So now, I’ve built a home that I can share with others based in music, art, and love. I’m consistently creating passionate work that I’m fulfilled by and it meets the tall standards I’ve set for myself. I’m only ever competing with myself because this is not a cool contest to me. It’s no joke. It’s my life and it’s meant to be shared. Music is powerful. It can create change and bind us or it can blankly distribute junk food.  I’ve found my voice so I’m able to help others to find theirs. That’s what really charges my batteries the most, to give opportunities to those without the resources, exposure, spotlight or strength. I’m looking in the holes and throwing down ropes. It’s as pure as it can be. It’s a dream inside a dream. It makes me fucking gleeful. I feel splendor every day. Sanctuary.

Do you feel like people these days are lacking a part of the music listening experience when they use stuff like itunes and spotify? Is physicality in music important to you?

    YES PHYSICAL MUSIC IS IMPORTANT TO ME. IT IS ART. We make everything that goes into our albums, it’s like the organic produce of merchandise if organic actually meant anything still and……yes, hello world, buy local, buy direct, not direct tv, but hey ya know amazon is really really really fucking convenient. And CGI sucks! Stop it already all the time. Make it real with your fingerprints I say. It’s more interesting and nourishing like fresh baked bread from your friend. Maybe put down the 3D printer and forge something with your hands? Let me see your hammer blows.   

  I don’t listen to itunes or Spotify but it’s not because I’m too cool. I’m just being honest. It depends on how you want to consume, and how much, and where. It makes sense for most people to use it. I don’t really listen to a whole lot of music. I’d rather be playing or writing. Philip plays a lot of records and I enjoy that. Sometimes. Records are beautiful. But you know they are petroleum based so fuck it all to hell. You can’t win. You got to be you and figure it out. I blast Vivaldi when I clean the house. Our van has a tape deck and it’s lovely to drive at night smelling cow shit and listening to a band that made something special just for you. It feels like a gorgeous secret. It makes my life.

   I get why people do stuff, it’s convenient. It’s the same reason I go to Walmart sometimes because I’m broke and I want something and it’s okay, I can still buy stuff straight from artist’s hands and I make a decided effort to do so regularly because hello?! It makes the world less shitty. People want things immediately. I’m guilty too. We are raised for it now. Instant gratification. You have to learn to play an instrument. You have to write a song. Practice a song. Write the lyrics. Record it decently. You have to mix that shit. Then master it. If you can manage to access all that. Then you got to get it out into the world one way or another. All that shit takes time and money. It’s crazy to put in all that time and work and then have the expectation that it must instantaneously exist on the internet for free. I had to rehab a totally fucked up house, rearrange my brain, and barrow a 4 track, to get to place where I can do that and sustain myself in a healthy way. You can find yours. It is possible. It’s not easy. Nothing worth having is. I’m so grateful to be able perform, record, and tour and not compromise myself or my work. That is very rare thing for an artist.

Is there an artist/song/album that makes you feel a heavy dose of nostalgia? 

   I just listened to Summerteeth and it made me super nostalgic because Philip and I used to drive around and listen to it as kissin’ teenagers, in love out in the cornfields. And Jeff Tweedy cut his teeth not far from where we are now and I think he has kept it about as real as you can. The Breeders of course for always and forever. Little Fury and Off You take me away to a bliss-state. Flock of Seagull’s Space age love song reminds of me of the day I fell in love with Philip forever walking around lost and alone in downtown Chicago with giant headphones. Everything looked grey. Grey sky. Grey buildings. Grey concrete. But I felt a rainbow in my chest like a divinizing, dowsing rod pulling me along. That’s what music and love can do. I can’t really listen to Neutral Milk Hotel anymore because it makes me too sad. My older brother died when I was 19 and NMH, Nirvana, and Sonic Youth and Beck all remind me of him. There’s a lot. He gave me so much. He showed me another planet.

what's it like being a musician/band in the 21st century? 

    Big question. OK. You know it’s weird to be a band now but it’s weird as it ever was I’m sure. It’s weird to exist. Derealization is fucked. Anyway, I know I love to tour pretty city to gritty city via interweb connects. I’ve figured out how to do that well.  I camp and touch a redwood if I’m near one. I hug a person and shake hands when I see them. Now is a good time to be alive even though there’s climate change and Trump. There’s always something: war, terror, Reagan, nukes, neoliberals, crusades, famine witch hunts, plagues, divorces. The Big music industry is inherently flawed, sex obsessed, exploiting as the day is long. It’s in its nature. It’s in our basest nature. Luckily one can exist outside of it. If you try hard enough. Bullshit consumerism and main stream media blows. These systems prevent musicians from financially benefiting from their designs even if they are popular. You’re encouraged to sell guitar center and start a clothing line. It’s a machine and there’s a lot of people in line getting paid before the laborer. There’s no quick fix. It’s always been difficult for artists to make money from original work. Who cares? You can’t give up. You got to be relentless. Besides, it’s romantic to be a starving artist. I say fuck that. Find a way to feed yourself. Build a bridge out of tooth picks if you have to. It takes Disney channel talent and trash bag full of four leaf clovers to “make it” and what is it worth? It’s like hitting the ultra-mega million. It takes Michael Jordan riding a unicorn crying One Direction’s tears.  America’s tastes are constantly regurgitating and changing like a hungry monster in a Miyazaki film. I understand that we live like kings on a red white and blue hamster wheel. The world is relatively at peace right now, historically speaking, with 7+billion people. It’s a miracle. That can change at any moment. We are talking about trans issues in politics in America. I’ll take that. There’s some good stuff out there within the horror show. You got to fight for it. That’s what art is and art gets dissolved in industry like pop rocks in a can of coke. 

    I have hope that we will keep evolving toward symbiotic peace in a world where everyone has the choice to create and not just work to live. Most people are working to live. I’m grateful to be the age I am, 30 yrs. because I grew up not having the internet and then having it. So, I feel like I see it for what it is…An insane tool. It’s mind blowing. My freedoms are obscene. It’s all in what you choose to learn and what you choose to connect to. My childhood was cell phone free and I read a lot and ran around in circles outside. I watched MTV and VH1 until it morphed into road rules. I dug in dirt for fun. I still do. I like to sweat to accomplish a goal. It’s remarkable when labor is a choice. 

   Discovering music as teenager felt magically powerful and holy. Like a whisper in a church. I think that’s harder now to feel like that but it still exists and always will in a world I want to live in. I love science and technology. It’s thrilling. Things are happening the only way they can. I don’t long for the past. The good old days don’t exist. The past is never better. I wouldn’t go back if you paid me. But being in a band in a constant wash of media bombardment with PR campaigns and competitive sports can wear me down sometimes. Still, I don’t lose sight of what matters. I won’t let myself be jaded. That shit is sad. If you’re jaded you’ve givin’ up so try something else Sound Guy. Never be bitter. You have a choice, so use it.  Be mindful. Facebook can be a sad hole so make good habits. Reach out. I channel all that shit into making work and into real time connection. I check myself regularly. Skate and make art. I keep my fire lit and light house burning. Don’t get put out by the drool.

LISTEN TO THE FUNS HERE

interview by AL SMITH

[fanfic-shiz]

Favors- Cassian Andor

Pairing: Cassian Andor/OC

Request: @elenawrit 

“What about Cassian wearing this empire uniform, and after his mission, he comes back on the base, and when he goes to see the reader, she doesn’t have attention, she just sees the uniform and she punch him in the face. And after, she feels so sorry, and he teases her by saying something like “You must give me a magic kiss to treat me.” what do you think about it ?”

Warnings: Just so much fluff. Like is it too much?? I dunno…I’m out of control. 

He had been gone for five days. In my world, it might as well have been a month. It was impossible to say what was more difficult…Cassian being away on a mission without me, or him being here with me. Although that wasn’t exactly true. Everything was better when he was around. He made me feel something I hadn’t felt since I was a child. Hope. Hope that maybe it was possible for good things to still exist, and hope that we still deserved them after everything we had done. It was having to hide the fact that I was ridiculously in love with him that made it hard. I settled on the fact that it was enough that he knew…yet there were days when some lovesick part of me wanted to tell everyone. Our reasons for not telling, though, were too necessary.

It was the first time in weeks that an operation had required us to go our separate ways, him to Tatooine and me to Jedha. Mine turned out to be a complete waste of time. The entire city was crawling with Stormtroopers, so no one would even give me a single word once they realized I was with the rebellion. People were skittish. I couldn’t fault them. But it was annoying all the same.

“You’re wanted in the docking bay.”

I let out a hum of acknowledgement, not taking my eyes away from the projection screen in front of me. “And why am I wanted?” I swiped a finger across the holographic screen, zooming in on Tatooine. Wondering what Cassian and K2 were up to, and hoping they hadn’t gotten themselves into trouble. Not that it would be too difficult on that particular planet.

“There’s a problem with the deflector shield on one of the U-Wings. We thought you might want to take a look?”

A sigh escaped me, finally tearing my eyes away to look at the pilot in front of me. I recognized him, but a name escaped me. All I wanted to do was stand there and stare at the map, and wait for Cassian to get his butt home. But that was time not well spent. And I had a feeling suspicion about my relationship with Captain Andor was growing with each day that passed. I was antsy, restless, and full of excuses for why. None of them good. A distraction, welcomed or not, was a good thing.

“Yes, of course. I’ll be right out.” I sighed, forcing a smile onto my lips.

The pilot nodded his thanks and pivoted on his heel, leaving me alone in the dimly lit control room. I took one last look at the map in front of me, and said a silent prayer that Cassian would be home soon so I could stop pacing a trench into my bedroom floor. I swiped my finger across the projection and it vanished, leaving me with nothing but the same emptiness I felt every time he was gone.

#

I toed off my boots and kicked them away from the door, before slumping down onto my bed, still fully clothed. My body felt exhausted, but my mind was still too much awake. It was always like this whenever he was gone. It was like I couldn’t rest properly until I knew he alright. Until I could see with my own eyes that he was alive and in one piece. And maybe it was also that I was used to him sleeping next to me now. While we were careful to keep our relationship hidden from others, it never prevented Cassian from sneaking into my room each night after everyone else was asleep. That was one of the reasons he hadn’t let me come with him…yet another reason I knew there were some who had their suspicions. We were constantly together, whether or not we were on missions.

I fell back onto the pillows, staring up at the blank ceiling overhead. The desk light was still on in the corner, but I didn’t feel like getting up to flick it off. Instead, I forced my eyes shut and tried not to think of anything. It was easier said than done. I let out a breath through pursed lips and instead tried to do what Cassian had told me always worked for him. Name every star in the galaxy that I could remember. I had laughed when he’d shared this with me. I could still picture the patient smile on his lips perfectly as he had waited or me to stop. Yet I had fallen asleep that night with his fingertips ghosting across my back while he whispered each of their names in my ear, in a soft, lulling voice.

This night, I made it through fifteen before I finally drifted off in a dreamless sleep.

I was groggy when I woke, and it took a minute for the fogginess to clear as I tried to figure out why I was awake. Someone was gently shaking my arm, whispering my name. I swatted at whoever it was, turning my back to them and mumbling incoherently. I swore I heard a soft laugh, and it was that sound that convinced me I wasn’t dreaming. That I was very awake and that someone was in my room. My eyes flew open, my heart leaping into my throat. I blinked rapidly, trying to adjust my eyes to the semi-darkness and rolled over into my back. My eyes zeroed in on the blue and white badge on the chest hovering over me and I gasped loudly. Imperial uniform.

Faster than what I would’ve thought possible for being half asleep still, I sat up and reeled my fist back before letting it fly. My knuckles cracked across something hard as I nailed my target, sending them off the bed and tumbling to the hard floor.

“Ow!” I hissed, cradling my hand. Why hadn’t anyone ever told me how much it hurt to hit someone? I stumbled out of the bed, and placed a knee on the chest of the Imperial officer. He was holding his face, groaning in pain…and…and…oh no. My stomach dropped and I froze, recognizing that voice all too well. “Cassian?” I asked hesitantly.

“Who taught you to punch like that?” he muttered in response.

A strange combination of relief and horror rushed through me. I kneeled next to him and pried his hand away from his face. There wasn’t any blood, thank god, but his eye was already starting to swell. A wave of guilt crashed over me. “Oh god,” I murmured, as he looked up at me with one eye closed. “I’m so so sorry, Cass.”

“I might’ve deserved that.”

I moved to help him sit up and helped him down on the edge of the mattress. I kneeled in between his legs, gently prodding at the puffy skin around his eye. “Why are you sneaking around my room in an Imperial uniform in the middle of the night?” I scolded him, although my tone was more affectionate than anything else, relieved to see him. To have him right here in front of me and alright. Aside from the black eye I’d just given him of course.

“I wanted to see you,” he said with an exasperated sigh. “We just got back. And the uniform is a long story. I’ll tell you later. Damn, that was one hell of a punch.”

I frowned shaking my head. “I can’t believe I hit you…I’m so so sorry…I feel awful. Don’t move.”

I got up and went into the adjacent bathroom, wetting a hand towel with cold water. I wrung it out into the sink and balled it up. When I returned, Cassian had laid down on the bed, one hand beneath the pillow behind his head and the other on his chest. His eyes were both closed as I climbed onto the bed next to him. I gently pressed the cold compress over his eye and he winced. Another stab of guilt radiated through me.

“Maybe next time don’t show up wearing the attire of our sworn enemy?” I suggested, a light teasing tone to my voice.

He looked at me with the one eye that wasn’t covered, raising his eyebrow in amusement. “Next time I won’t wake you up from a dead sleep either. I’ve learned my lesson,” he mused. He took his free hand out from beneath the pillow and let his fingers dance up my thigh to my waist, grabbing the hem of my shirt and tugging me toward him. “You might make it up to me, though…”

My stomach fluttered and I bit my lip, suppressing a smile. “Is that right?”

“Absolutely,” he said, his voice softened and a mischievous smile flickered across his lips. “After all, you did punch me. I think that owes a favor.” He tugged my shirt again, bringing me closer until I settled myself onto my stomach on the bed next to him, folding my arms across his chest to look up at him. His hand immediately slipped beneath my shirt and began skimming up and down my spine in the way that I loved.

“What kind of favor?”

“Well,” he pretended to look thoughtful, “I’ll have to do some serious consideration…in the meantime, you could start with giving me a kiss. After all, I haven’t seen you in almost a week.”

I laughed, finding him undeniably adorable. It was a shame hardly anyone else was able to see this side of him. The soft, loving side…yet at the same time I liked this his tenderness was reserved for me and me alone. It was like a piece of him I got to keep for myself. I leaned toward him and pressed my lips to his chin.

He lifted his head enough to look down at me, removing the compress from his eye. Both eyebrows rose. “I think I deserve a little more than just that.”

“Alright, fine. Who knew the infamous Captain Cassian Andor could be such a baby?” I teased, grinning at him.

He rolled his eyes. “Only when the girl he loves gives him a left hook. Now get up here and give me a real kiss.”

My heart fluttered as his choice of words. Suppressing an amused smile, I propped myself up on one elbow and leaned over him, softly pressing my lips to his. The softest of sighs, barely audible, whispered against my mouth causing yet another eruption of butterflies in my stomach. It was amazing that he was still capable of doing that to me. Even after all the time we’d been together. I placed my palm against his cheek, feeling the roughness of his beard against my skin. After a moment, I made to pull away, but Cassian’s arm came around my waist, locking me in place. His other hand cradled the back of my head, threading his fingers through my hair in the way that always sent shivers down my spine. He deepened the kiss, tongue sliding in between my lips and making me forget everything but him.

It reminded me all over again how much I missed him when he was gone. I missed his warmth, the solid feel of him against me, the way his lips brushed across my forehead when he got up in the morning, the secret smiles and winks from across a room of people. It was true, there were times when I hated hiding what we were yet I understood why we continued to do it. This was something good, something untarnished and untouched by all the bad in the world. It was something we could keep for ourselves and have when everything else seemed bleak.

We were both slightly out of breath when we pulled away. I rested my weight back on my elbow and pushed my fingers through his hair, as his hands settled on my waist.

“Am I forgiven yet, Captain?”

He grinned up at me, making my pulse falter. With lightning quickness, he rolled us over until he was on top of me, adjusting so I was caged in-between his arms. He leaned down and teasingly brushed his lips over mine, barely touching them before pressing soft kisses to my cheeks, nose, and forehead.

“It’s a start,” he answered, lifting himself up again. “By the way, what am I going to tell people when they ask about this shiner?”

I shrugged one shoulder, slipping my hands up the back of his shirt and feeling the heat of his skin against my fingers. “Don’t know. Tell them you ran into a door.”

He gave me a disbelieving look. “I don’t run into doors.”

“It was just a suggestion,” I said playfully, running my hands up his back and over his muscled shoulders. “I’m sure you’ll come up with something interesting.”

He let out a hum, though I couldn’t tell if he was agreeing with me or not. He pressed a series of kisses against my lips. “And I’m sure you won’t get any enjoyment at all out of watching me struggle to come up with an answer each time I’m asked.”

I smiled into his kiss. “No, not at all…although I do feel bad.”

“Don’t,” he said with a chuckle, his lips creating a new path down my neck, his breath warm against my ear. “It was my fault.” His lips abruptly left my skin then, leaving me a flushed mess beneath him. He propped himself up on his elbows on either side of me, giving me a devilish grin that turned my insides to mush.

“Are you being a tease on purpose now? Is this what I get?” I asked.

“Of course not,” he answered easily, though his eyes held a different answer. He lifted one hand and his thumb traced gently over my jaw, his eyes drinking me in, the look on his face softening the way it sometimes did when I caught him watching me. It always made my skin flush, my stomach tumble. “I missed you,” he said after a moment.

“I missed you too.”

“Sometimes it makes leaving all worth it, knowing I get to come back to you,” he added with a soft smile. “I never forget for a minute how lucky I am.”

“Cassian,” I couldn’t fight the smile spreading across my face, or slow the beating of my heart. It was like my entire being was tied to his, his words, his actions, the cause behind my body’s every reaction.

“I’m just speaking truthfully, love.” He continued. “Not to mention, the force behind your punches is nothing to joke about.” The teasing returned to his tone and it was my turn to roll my eyes.

“I don’t think you’re ever going to let this go, whether I make it up to you or not.”

He shook his head. “Not a chance. This will be a story I tell our future children.”

I couldn’t have hidden the surprise on my face even if I’d tried. He immediately noticed, and looked pleased with himself.

“Oh so now there’s children involved?”

He shrugged, leaning down to brush his nose against mine before kissing my lips. “Eventually. I’d like to think you’re stuck with me…” he whispered against my mouth.

His words sent a thrill through me, and I felt the smile on my face in every part of me. “I’d like to think that too.”

He responded with a kiss, pulling away to look at me with more adoration than I’d ever seen anyone look at me with in my entire life. He ran his fingers through my hair, his fingertips ghosting across my neck and over my shoulder until he found my hand and squeezed it.

He was smiling at me in a way that made my pulse feel erratic. “And I think you just made it up to me.”

A breathless laugh escaped my lips as I pulled him closer, wrapping my arms around his neck. “Good…although,” I paused, pulling away from him to frown.

He gave me a curious look, forehead furrowed. “What, love?”

“This uniform has to go,” I said, winkling my nose with distaste.

He laughed, the corners of his eyes wrinkling in that familiar way I loved. He leaned in to kiss my collarbone, the scruff of his beard tickling my skin. “Sounds more than fair.” The husky tone of his voice sent pleasant chills coursing down my spine, his lips finding mine again and leaving me wondering how anything so perfect could ever belong to me.

[yastaghr]

Our Skeleton: Chapter 6

Our Skeleton

Characters: Asgore, Undyne, Alphys, Toriel, Papyrus, Frisk, Sans,

Pairings: Sans/Toriel/Asgore, Sansgoriel, Toriel/Asgore, Togore, Asgore/Sans, Sansgore, Sans/Toriel, Soriel, Alphyne, Alphys/Undyne

Warnings:  If you see something you want a warning for, let me know.

Story Summary: The people who love him come to realise Sans may be hiding something from them. (not the best of summaries, sorry)

<–Previous || First || Next–>

Ao3

“red one. also blue. there's a really old white one - or maybe it's tan. a green one just pulling into the lot, too.”

Asgore absently rubbed at his arm while the sound of off-key singing washed over him. He stared out the window at the cars anxiously awaiting the change of the light. The remnants of rain dried out drop by drop on the car’s windows. The mottling they left behind had an interesting effect on the muted colors coming in.

“Sans, I don’t believe that they count if they’re still at the dealership. At the very least they must have tags, if not license plates.”

“don’t remember frisk ever mentioning a rule like that.”

“I think that is because they did not expect any of us to move so close to the road of car salesmen. It is much to specialized a rule for them to remember off the top of their head.”

“you’re just jealous that i remembered the rules before you did.”

He sighed, and turned around. Sans’ grin was genuine. Clearly designed to annoy him, but genuine. At least the small skeleton was enjoying his little game enough to for his mood to have picked back up from the day before. Asgore smiled contentedly at the glint in those sockets, happily losing himself in the swirling darkness within those eyes.

The singing came to a glorious, abrupt halt. Toriel, eyes still working the road around them, didn’t see Asgore and Sans’ shared sigh. Her voice had a tint of mirth, “You could say he was green with envy, could you not?”

Sans chuckled, “yup. being outdone is absolutely driving him up the wall.”

Asgore sighed, coating over his happiness with a layer of annoyance, “Quite. I’m just a stuffy old goat who deserves to be in a museum.”

“Dreemur!” Belatedly, he remembered that their destination was supposed to be a surprised. Too late.

Sans’ sockets crinkled in mirth, “ah, so that’s it. i was beginning to wonder. we passed grillby’s like ten minutes ago, and i was sure we were heading over for the sunday special. you really threw me for a loop there.”

Toriel’s guffaw overwhelmed her annoyance as the arrow finally went green and they turned left into the Large Park’s traffic loop. Asgore smiled too, wondering how much longer his wife had expected their small skeleton to remain ignorant. After all, there were only a handful of places the three of them could go from this street, and the city zoo was closed that week while a new sewage system was put in place.

“We would not dream of keeping you uninformed for long, Sans. You were certain to learn eventually, were you not? After all, this is an institute of learning.”

“heh, yup. so, which wing is it today? not the scifi exhibit, please. going with frisk’s class two weeks ago was more than enough for me. they mixed up the names of the homeworlds of skywalker, atreides, and spock. such a crime can never be forgiven.”

The two of them chuckled, having heard this rant before. Sans had been livid that this organizers of this exhibit, which was currently traveling around the world, had not had the decency to double check their signage before sending it on its way.

“No, Sans. We would not make you suffer that again. We had thought perhaps the history wing, if you are interested, and then perhaps one of the IMAX shows later on.”

Sans’ gaze immediately went to one of the enormous banners draped across the front of the building. Galaxies, planets, and stars by the millions decorated its surface.

“really?”

“We would not tell you a fibula, Sans.”

The quiet hum of Sans’ magic brightened. It was funny. Asgore had lived over a thousand years, and in that time had met hundreds of monsters. When he had met Sans in person for the first time, he had almost not realised the skeleton was there. Sans had either the quietest or the most well-hidden magic the king had ever seen.

Over the years he had learned to tune into Sans’ power, and since they had come to the surface it had become easier and easier to do. Now, he rarely lost the thread, and hearing the subdued emotions pick up like that always made him smile.

The fact that the skeleton’s big reaction was to the idea of seeing a show about the stars, and that that reaction had just won him a little bet with Toriel, obviously did not come into it.

She and Asgore meandered their way out of their first stop of the day. As much as Asgore and Toriel had heard in their negotiations about the past 1030 odd years of human history, the picture they had received was contradictory and haphazard. The overview they had just seen, at the very least, gave them a place to start to investigate further.

“I must say, humans seem to have come quite a long way since the war. A winding, faltering way, yes, but the progress they’ve made is very impressive. No wonder they produced a child like Frisk.”

Sans ambled out of the doorway behind them with an expression of mild shock, “i know frisk told me there were parts of human history where they weren’t even nice to each other, but some of that stuff is down-right unbelievable. did they really use to prevent non-male people from even getting a degree?”

Toriel sighed, “Unfortunately, yes. It was rather a surprise to hear that had changed. At the time of the war, female humans had hardly any official rights at all. In addition, the very concept that other genders even existed was utter blasphemy.”

“which god?”

Another sigh, because as simple of a question as that would be to any monster, the politics of the answer were rather depressing, “Most of them, I fear.”

Sans drooped. Asgore eyes moved between his face and her own, then drifted off in a desperate search of the museum’s signs. His gaze lit on something. He shifted his weight from his right foot to his left, nudging Sans gently in the direction of the stairs.

“Look over there! Toriel, it seems they have an exhibit on the plants of the Mt. Ebott subregion. what do you say to a bit of nostalgia?”

She and her longtime partner shared a look. Eventually, she gave in, “Very well, Dreemur. We shall go look at the plants.”

The way his cheeks pulled back into a delighted grin almost made up for the unending stream of plant facts she knew was about to endure. After Asgore had turned, she saw Sans’ right hand move in a blur that any monster alive would recognize as coming from Frisk.

-patella the truth, i haven’t had a chance to root through some of my plant puns in more years than the snowdin trees have rings. what’d’ya say to a pun off? i won’t tell gori if you don’t.-

,Her face broke into a grin, and she responded in kind.

-Stem-thing tells me you have quite the garden to pull from.-

At a tug from Asgore, Sans moved on, but tossed the next set of signs at her from behind his back.

-plant puns are where i got my seed, tori. it’ll be nice to get back to my roots.- Cheeky boy. He had no idea what he had gotten himself into.

“Oh my, Sans. I am sorry. I assure you, I had no idea they had such things here.”

Toriel tried politely to avert her eyes. Fluffybuns appeared to be somewhat hypnotized by the things, his eyes practically bulging.

Sans, despite the posted signs, had once again pulled his phone out of his pocket. He had yet look up at the exhibit in this particular room.

“what, did we run into yet another mislabeled sign? they should put up a warning label at this rate: ‘accurate signage not guarenteed.”

The short skeleton finally looked up from his phone. His expression didn’t flicker, “oh, is that it? they’re just skeletons tori. nothing new here, unless someone lost count and rounded up.”

Gori’s mouth, working in much the same manner as a fish, managed to find words before she herself had recovered from the shock. Perhaps not the most helpful, but still.

“Aren’t you...Sans, I...isn’t this...they don’t have any clothes.”

He ended with a note in his voice she remembered from quite a long time ago.

It had been the first time they had taken young Asriel to meet his kingdom. Of course, the first thing the toddler had done was spill sea tea all over his new robes. Then, for some reason unfathomable to his parents, he had decided to strip bare and run around flailing the soggy cloth like a flag.

Gerson had been amused, and, after Asriel had been rounded up, proceeded to educate Asgore as to the ways of toddlers by sharing an almost identical story about the first time he had babysat for Asgore himself. The then-queen had reacted in much the same manner as Asgore did, and had it not been for his father, he might have had an earlier introduction to her famous sense of justice than he in fact did.

Sans, in the present, blinked, “well yeah. makes it easier to see the vertebrae.”

Finally, Toriel found her voice, “Still, Sans. This is rather...lewd, is it not?”

He tilted his skull at her, “um, no? they’re not alive, tori. anyway, they’re human. if some dead human wants to spend their time going bare bones in a dusty display case, i ain’t gonna judge.”

The two royal goatnesses wallowed in mutual confusion, “But…”

Sans sighed, tucking his phone back into his pocket. His right hand found the edge of the bandage on his left and fiddled with it as he spoke.

“look, guys. it’s...weird, yeah, but not gross or anything. you saw those paintings a few rooms back, right? if humans can put up with seeing pictures of their own, flesh-wrapped species like that in here, i can put up with a few naked pelvic regions. and, again, it’s not like they’re monster skeletons. there’s enough of a difference that it ain’t too bad.”

His sockets had swiveled slowly over and now faced the glass-encased display directly. His tone grew more thoughtful.

“they’re not that ugly, either. not like me, anyway. they’re tall. got proper, straight spinal columns. the ribs are nicely spread. good ratios of leg to torso, too. i can get admiring skeletons like these.”

As the speech tapered off, Toriel heard the note of envy and dismay enter his voice. Her mind instantly derailed from its ‘This is insensitive, I must fix this’ train of thought and switched over to another. Her eyes gleamed red, and she could not help but feel a certain amount of pride at the speed with which Asgore pulled himself up.

“That is a blatant lie, Sans.”

Their skeleton gave her a look of weary dissent, so she pressed on, “While I admit that your analysis of their place in this museum is kinder, and less biased, than mine might be, I must disagree with you about the aesthetics. Their heights are almost strained, are they not? One feels that there is not nearly enough bone to justify that amount of verticality.”

Sans’ eye lights had shrunk. Asgore, contemplating the exhibit with a more critical eye, pondered aloud, “The spines are too straight to be healthy. They would not give an inch, I think. The poor soul would be stuck at permanent attention. The ribs are too gapy, too. I would worry about something poking through, like a door handle or a spear. That spine wouldn’t let them dodge at all. They would have no option but to stand there and wait until help could arrive.”

Sans turned to the inanimate skeletons with an air of great distrust. His focus shifted around, stopping at every joint and section of cartilage.

Toriel hummed thoughtfully, “In truth, the shapes of their skulls are rather lackluster, wouldn’t you agree, Gori?”

“Why, yes. They haven’t much emotion or animation, do they? Even if they could move. And those sockets are so small, too. I wonder how they would be able to see?” Sans’ hand had moved to rub at the rounded curves of his own skull. She padded over, Asgore mirroring her movements. She pulled Sans into a hug.

Asgore knelt down and whispered against Sans’ skull, “We could very well go on for days, you adorable monster. None of those skeletons hold so much as a spark to the supernova that is you.”

She felt their skeleton start shaking in her arms and went to move away. A tight grip on her dress held her back, and she surrendered. The three of them stayed there with her and Gori forming an almost perfect shield around the trembling skeleton until the tremors abated and Sans spoke.

“i, um...guess i was being a bit of a bonehead there, huh?”

She hummed and held him tighter, “No, my dearest skeleton. You were merely being you.”

She nuzzled down on the top of his head and did not let him go until Gori pointed out to her that if they did not leave soon, they would miss their show.

“-and did you see that third shot of ngc 1952? that had to have been a hydrogen-alpha filter, but the detail on it - i can’t believe it! getting a shot like that they had to have used an observatory. no way a backyard telescope would have picked up the shading on the lower right dust clouds, least ways not that well. wonder who shot it? d’ya think they might have someone who would know?”

Asgore planted a kiss atop the skeleton’s skull as they made their way up the stairs.

“It would not hurt to ask.”

Sans stopped so suddenly asgore nearly knocked him over, “heh. you’re right. why- i can - i-”

The lack of motion ended without any warning. Sans went from worryingly still to bounding up the stairs two at a time. He hollered back at them, “i’ll be right back. meet you by the m-k-raptor skeleton, kay? bye!”

The two Boss Monsters watched his retreating form vanish around the curve of the stairs with glowing cheeks.

“Do you think he is aware that his eye lights are currently shaped into glowing blue stars?”

Asgore chuckled, “No, I don’t believe he is. I’ve never seen him this excited before in his life.”

Toriel’s smile slowly faded into a frown. His mind caught up with his mouth, and the implication of that sentence hit him like a train.

“Asgore-”

“Tori-”

Their nostrils flared, then softened. Their intentions synced beautifully, the separate fields of their magics intersecting and merging, every wave amplifying the next.

“Do you think it would be too much of a bother for you to pamper our newest partner for the next few days? I believe I have a bit of research to do.”

He saw her lips pull back in something closely resembling a smile, but without any of the warmth.

“Of course, my dear. Only as long as you promise to let me have a turn, supposing what we suspect to be true is indeed so.”

He knew his expression matched her own.

“I would not dream of doing it any other way.”