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Who Got the Kids in the Divorce? Theme Songs

YouTube Playlist (all links below are to YT) Spotify Playlist (organized by character)

Monkey Fam

The Ballad of Smokin' Joe Rudeboy by Tom Cardy - While the story does not exactly line up with what happens in WGTKITD (obviously), it is hilariously very close, with Wukong being Smokin' Joe, his wife being Macaque, and his long lost daughter being Savage, of course. Some say many years ago, Before Joseph Rudeboy was Smokin' Joe, He had a wife, her name was Bo, Bo was with child in a happy home [...] Joseph Rudeboy was too slow, For a child that he'd never know, Joseph Rudeboy you're too slow, Burning inside Joseph died, But from the ash the man who rose was---Smokin' Joe [...] One day an outlaw came to town, "Come out here Smokin' Joe, You're just as well already dead," He wore a velvet cloak but Joe saw red [...] And as Joe fell, He beheld the outlaw's face, A young girl who'd seen it all, And grew up in a terrible place, Whose mother once told Joseph, To run and bring back help, A girl who thought her father, Had run out to save himself.

Here Before by Vashti Bunyan - This song is Wukong's view towards Rumble (Once I had a child, He was wilder than moonlight, He could do it all, Like he'd been here before), then Savage (Once I had a child, She was smiling like sunshine, She could see it all, Like she'd been here before), and, finally, MK (Then I had a child, Took his while like northern summer, And he knows it all, Like he's been here before), and how he lost the Eclipse Siblings and fears loosing MK too.

The Truth from 36 Questions - This is literally just a song about how many different views of truth there is to the tale of the Monkey Family---how each one of them views it differently, and how they chose to hide or distort the truth. Generally, I interpret the two singers as Rumble and Savage, speaking about each other and about their parents, and perhaps both of them are speaking to MK. And what’s true for you, Doesn’t have to be true forever, And sometimes the truth isn’t always, For the better, It’s something that we aspire to Or maybe, that’s something we say, Until it gets in the way [...] But the truth is, The truth doesn’t exist in, Black and white, And sometimes two sides, Can both be right [...] The truth is that you will never really know, The truth is that you will only think you know.

Too Far by ChaoticCanineCulture - This song can represent each member of the Monkey Family, as they all have moments where they "went too far, leaving scars." Generally, Wukong and Rumble are the more openly "guilty" parties and therefore fit the song more, but Macaque (especially Macaque) and Savage both hold a lot of guilt too. Looking inside my mind I see the truth, I was always the one who tormented you, This was my choice, my evil doing, 'Cause I died inside when you stop moving [...] There's no excuse for what I did to you.

Crazy Human Psycho Crush (mashup) by doodleoodle - The chaotic intertwining of multiple different stories/viewpoints fits the Monkey Fam perfectly. Oh, and I know, and I know, and I know that I've been acting so strange, But you should know that you're the one who made me this way, I'm a psycho just like you said I'd be [...] I feel like all of this has aged me, Right on the edge of twenty-two, You look like you've just seen a monster, Is that what I look like to you? [...] 'Cause I'm so sick of the drama and I hate to shout, But you drag it out of me [...] You can't love someone and just let go, And yeah, I know that I'm a little bit intense, right, But can you blame me when you keep me on the fence, like, (Three words, two hearts, one maybe Say something before I go crazy now)

Runs in the Family by Amanda Palmer - It runs in the family, what can I say? Mostly the speakers of the song would be Rumble and Savage equally. Mary, have mercy, Now look what I've done, But don't blame me because I can't help where I come from, And running is something that we've always done well and mostly I can't even tell what I'm running from, Run from their pity, from responsibility, Run from the country and run from the city, I can run from the law, I can run from myself, I can run for my life, I can run into debt, I can run from it all, I can run 'till I'm gone, I can run for the office, and run for the cause, I can run using every last ounce of energy, I cannot, I cannot, I cannot run from my family, They're hiding inside me, corpses on ice, Come in if you'd like but just don't tell my family, They'd never forgive me, they say that I'm crazy, But they would say anything if it would, Shut me up.

Shadowpeach

Peach by The Front Bottoms - Self-explanatory. You are my peach, you are my plum, You are my earth, you are my sun [...] Once I sink my teeth, your skin's not so tough, I'll leave a tiny cut, there'll be a lot of blood, But once you wipe it up, You will feel better about our entire situation.

No Children by The Mountain Goats - Self-explanatory. I am drowning, There is no sign of land, You are coming down with me, Hand in unlovable hand, And I hope you die, I hope we both die.

First Burn from Hamilton - Macaque's PoV. The implied cheating can be replaced instead with Wukong listening to Azure over Macaque's warnings about the battle. Heaven forbid someone whisper, "He's part of some scheme," Your enemy whispers, So you have to scream, I know about whispers [...] If you thought you were mine (mine, mine), Don't.

Red Like Roses Part II by Jeff Williams - Macaque (red): I wasn't dreaming when they told me you were gone, I was wide awake and feeling that they had to be wrong, How could you leave me when you swore that you would stay? Now I'm stuck inside a nightmare every single effing day [...] I know you didn't plan this, You tried to do what's right, But in the middle of this madness, I'm the one (I'm the one) you left to win this fight.

Wukong (white): I know you're broken down by anger and by sadness, You feel I left you in a world that's full of madness, Wish I could talk to you, if only for a minute, Make you understand the reasons why I did it, I wanna tell you that you're all that ever mattered, Want you to know that for eternity I'm shattered, I tried so hard just to protect you but I failed to, And in a prison of abandonment I've jailed you, I never planned that I would leave you there alone, I was sure that I would see you when I made it back home. [...] I didn't have a choice, I did what I had to do, I made a sacrifice but forced a bigger sacrifice on you.

This is Love by Air Traffic Conditioner - Both Wukong and Macaque could be perceived as singing this at different moments. There is an implication that their fates are forever horrible interconnected as they always come back to one another despite it all. You're no good, you're no good, You could kill me and you should, I'm an idiot for thinking, This was anything but blood, On the wall, on the couch, On the corner of my mouth, You must like being the victim, You've done nothing to get out, Of this pattern of pain, Washed away by the rain, You'll forgive me if I promise, And do nothing but the same, This is life until death, Could be my last dying breath, But this is love, love, shut up, this is love [...] It's pathetic, I know, A jealous fool who won't let go, If I was sorry for my actions, Would I ever stoop so low?

Goodbye Old Friend by The Devil Makes Three - Fairly self-explanatory. Wukong and Macaque can both be the singer, reminiscing on their complex relationship of love and hatred. I need you and I want you 'cause I know you from before, I hate you and I fear you but I hold open the door, I see you and you see me and we know what must be done, So we draw knives and lock eyes 'cause it does no good to run. [...] I've missed you, you know that's true and I've retraced every scar, [...] I chased you to embrace you like the sun chases the moon, I burn you and you burn me but I know I'll see you soon [...] I've held you and you've loved me but our lives cannot be spared, I trust you and despised you, shadowed your every move, Scorned you and warned you, befriended everyone you've used.

Old Friends by Ylvis - The calm reveal of someone being twisted ("I'm aiming at the kids") reflects nicely on Wukong and Macaque's relationship post-fire where Wukong was shocked to see what had happened to Macaque and how Macaque was simultaneously so calmly cunning yet unstoppably demented. Their respective "wives" in the song is the other one, simply their past selves before the battle/the fire. And he threw a rock, So I threw a rock, We both put some gravel in a sock, And he threw the sock, I said we should stop, He smiled at me then threw a rock in a sock. [<-these lines are about how they both keep fighting] [...] Oh [Macaque], oh [Macaque], don't you worry bout me now, I'm doing just fine on my own, There are other things to life than your soft skin against mine, And [Tripitaka] is helping me move on, I'm moving on.

Genghis Khan by Miike Snow - A song about how possessive, jealous and selfish Shadowpeach are of to one another. I know there's no form, And no labels to put on, To this thing we keep [...] 'Cause I don't really want you, girl, But you can't be free, 'Cause I'm selfish, I'm obscene [...] I wanna make up my mind, But I don't know myself, No I don't know myself [...] I get a little bit Genghis Khan, I don't want you to get it on, With nobody else but me.

Kiss With a Fist by Lungs - Self-explanatory. Shadowpeach's relationship is all about hurting the other. It's romantic! You hit me once, I hit you back, You gave a kick, I gave a slap, You smashed a plate over my head, Then I set fire to our bed, oh [...] I broke your jaw once before, I spilled your blood upon the floor, You broke my leg in return, So sit back and watch the bed burn, Love sticks, sweat drips, Break the lock if it don't fit [...] A kick in the teeth is good for some, A kiss with a fist is better than none.

Kiss Me You Animal by Burn the Ballroom - Self-explanatory. Another song about how Shadowpeach just can't keep their hands off each other, and how they love to see the other hurt. You say you wanna tear right through me, I welcome you to try (Kiss me, kiss me), I wanna see your teeth girl lemme see you grind, yeah, Woah [...] Kiss me you animal, I need to take you in real slow, Cause dying on your lips is how I wanna go, Connect with the sound you're making, Connect with my body whoa, Kiss me you animal and don't ever let me go.

Therapy from tick, tick... BOOM! - Literally listen to it. It is the pinnacle of Macaque and Wukong talking about their miscommunications and struggling to get along yet attempting to. Wukong: I feel bad, that you feel bad, About me feeling bad, about you feeling bad, About what I said, about what you said, About me not being able to share a feeling [...] I was afraid that you'd be afraid, If I told you that I was afraid of intimacy, If you don't have a problem with my problem, Maybe the problem's simply co-dependency [...] I thought, You Thought, I reacted shallowly, When I reacted to you. [...] If I were you and I'd done what I'd done, I'd do what you did when I gave you the ring, Having said what I said.

Macaque: If I thought that what you thought, Was that I hadn't thought about sharing my thoughts, Then my reaction to your reaction, to my reaction, Would have been more revealing [...] Yes, I know, that now you know, That I didn't know, that you didn't know, That when I said, "No," I meant, "Yes, I know," And that now I know that you knew, that I knew you adored me

Both: I'm not mad that you got mad when I got mad, When you said I should go drop dead!

Eclipse Twins

Evelyn Evelyn from Evelyn Evelyn - Self-explanatory, although not technically correct as Savage and Rumble did not grow up "closer than most." In fact, they are closer post-everything than they were as kids. Still, the point stands that they are two siblings who have a lot of differing opinions, perspectives, and arguments. One side struggles with keeping everything perfectly together while the other desperately wants to be free. Rumble (female): I’m only trying to do what is best for us [...] Looking in your eyes, I’m coming home [...] Now I realize, I’m not alone [...] But you never cared for me [...] ‘Cause you’d never dare to be [...] ‘Cause you never listen, you’re always insisting, I’m just reminiscing, I feel something missing, I just want you here with me, God can’t we just get along?

Savage (male): Well, I never asked for this, I never wanted this, All that I want is some time to myself [...] Just get away from me, please just stop touching me, You’re always trying to be somebody else [...] Well, you’re only scared of me [...] Why don’t you let me free? [...] ‘Cause you never listen, you’re always insisting, just stop reminiscing, I feel something missing, I just want my privacy, God won’t you leave me alone!

Wake Up by ChaoticCanineCulture - The song starts with Savage singing about how "they" (Macaque, Rumble) are haunting the halls and "killing her," and how she can't take the demand of killing her own father. My brother i'm begging you please understand, When I cry, I really can't take the demand, Oh they're killing me. Rumble continues the song as he finds himself just as lost and haunted as his sister, but with a flavor of self-torment. These dreams are made of things, I can't deny, I cannot flee, They're constantly tormenting me, can't close my eyes tonight. Then, the song ends with them begging to be saved. Wake up wake up, they're here, Please won't someone just save me?

Wukong's

Never Love an Anchor by The Crane Wives - Relatively self-explanatory. Wukong reflects on how his love only ever brought pain to others so he shouldn't get too close to them. It's a secret I keep tucked inside my chest, With this heart of mine that's guilty, not remorseful [...] There are times when I still wonder about you, You are someone I have loved, but never known, And you'll never see the reasons I had, For keeping my claws away when they were close enough to hurt you, I am selfish, I am broken, I am cruel, I am all the things they might have said to you, Do you ever think of me and my two hands? And wonder why they never soothed your fevers? [...] And wonder why they never held you gently? And wonder why they never had the chance to lose you?

My Ordinary Life by The Living Tombstone - Fairly self-explanatory. Much like the singer, Wukong reflects on how much he has been given in his life that he might not have necessarily deserved (such as forgiveness), and how out of touch he feels with reality sometimes. Do you feel me? Take a look inside my brain, The people always different but it always feels the same [...] The haters wanna hurt me and I'm laughin' at the pain [...] They tell me that I'm special, I smile and shake my head, I'll give them stories to tell friends about the things I said, They tell me I'm so humble, I say, "I'm turning red," They let me lie to them and don't feel like they've been misled, They give so much to me, I'm losing touch, get me? [...] The people blend together but I would be lost without their love, Can you heal me? Have I gained too much? When you become untouchable, you're unable to touch, Is there a real me? Pop the champagne, It hurts me just to think and I don't do pain.

I'm Your Man by Mitski - Completely inspired by this animatic, which will give you all the context to the lyrics you need. I'm sorry I'm the one you love, No one will ever love me like you again, So when you leave me, I should die, I deserve it, don't I? [...] People always gave me love, Others were never to blame after all, You believe me like a god, I'll betray you like a man.

Against the Kitchen Floor by Will Wood - Wukong apologizes for not being able to be as affectionate and trusting as he used to be, but promises he wants to do better for his family and friends, and Macaque. It just don't come natural to me to think that you'd want me for me, I swear, I'm really trying, Oh, I'm sorry, I promise, I'm doing my best, I just haven't learned how to be human as you are yet, I still don't know who you are, I only know that I'm still lonely, That morbid sort where even company can't cure me, And the more you reassure, the less I trust [...] I've lived more lives than enough, I haven't died quite as much, But I'm not a real person, just the shit you can't make up [...] I'm catatonic in your arms, Crying, "How did I cause so much harm?" I'm down pounding my head against the kitchen floor, Apologizing for my life and ever entering yours [...] I'm still in the process, but I'm making progress, I promise, I honestly wanna prove improvement's possible, I swear, I'm so fucking sorry, I'm not a good person, I'm barely a person at all, But someday I'll be perfect, and I'll make up for it all.

You Were Perfect & I'm Sorry by Mickey Darling - Very much a reflection of the title itself---Wukong believes Macaque deserved everything and is sorry he ruined everything, but with a self-deprecating egotistical twist to it. You were perfect and I'm so sorry, I'm such a dick, But you still love me, I still regret letting you leave me, Don't you forget you used to need me [...] How can I love someone that can't stand, The thought of loving me back? Why do I think I need that? [...] I remember what you said, You were wishing I was dead, Now, you're wishing me the best, 'Cause my song's stuck in your head.

Feed My Ego by Mickey Darling - Wukong mourning the relationship he lost, but make it self-deprecating egotistical again. I hurt u, For selfish reasons, U are all, I ever needed, needed, needed [...] U would be so good without me, happily, Nobody could ever be as, sad as me, All i need is compliments please, constantly, I make people think i’m happy, comedy.

HEAVEN SAYS. (remix) by GamePlayah - Wukong atones for his sins on the journey, slowly converting and accepting the pain from the fillet as his punishment. Now spell sinner: F-R-I-E-N-D-S Wrong! The correct spelling is Y-O-U, Just let go, Your past is sinful, Stop standing up, You can’t escape. [...] Answer for your crimes, Beg for mercy.

It's Been So Long by The Living Tombstone - Self-explanatory. Wukong mourns the death of his kids, and seeks revenge on their killer (Erlang Shen), though Tripitaka reminds him killing isn't justified. Justification is killing me, But killing isn't justified, What happened to my son? I'm terrified, It lingers in my mind, And the thought keeps on getting bigger, I'm sorry my sweet baby, I wish I'd been there.

the last beautiful thing I saw is the thing that blinded me by Paris Paloma - Despite the misleading title, this song is Wukong's perspective on Macaque's second death at his hands, albeit in a theatric, poetic, solemn way that is more Macaque's style. The moment of Macaque's death and imprisonment was difficult, and Wukong cut himself off from feeling anything ("blinding" himself). The dove represents Macaque and how he "became a demon," but the fact that "somebody else" killed her reveals the story is made-up and Wukong feels a disconnection from reality. I came across an injured dove, I wanted to put her out of her misery, There came no signal from above, No sign, no guide, I thought "whatever could this mean?" And with my hand I picked her up, And in that moment, oh it shifted magically [...] Because I wanted all of it to stop, And I didn't know how to tell you, I didn't know how [...] And I looked up, into the sun, It separated all the colors, And the ice, into my eyes, It fell and left me blind.

Used to be Young by Miley Cyrus - Wukong reflects on his younger years, both the good and the bad, and how people still believe he should be how he used to be. I know I used to be crazy, Messed up, but, God, was it fun, I know I used to be wild, That's 'cause I used to be young, Those wasted nights are not wasted, I remember every one, I know I used to be crazy, That's 'cause I used to be young, You tell me time has done changed me, That's fine, I've had a good run I know I used to be crazy, That's 'cause I used to be young.

Macaque's

The Moon Will Sing by The Crane Wives - Self-explanatory. Macaque always felt like Wukong's shadow, and wished he could have been seen as more than what he was, and that he hadn't followed Wukong so blindly. The moon will sing a song for me, I loved you like the sun, Bore the shadows that you made, With no light of my own, I shine only with the light you gave me [...] (I could've been anyone, anyone).

iGhost by MNQN - Macaque talks both fondly and angrily about how all he ever was was Wukong's "Van Gogh" (the painting, and the artist), and how he fears getting hurt again by getting too close. You fooled me once, You fooled me twice, again, I had a hunch, That it was all pretend [...] I'm hypnotised, You're telling lies again, You were my life, And now you're not my friend [...] I'll play it safe, I cannot be broken, I've been erased and now I'm gone again [...] The senses deceive us from time to time, And it is prudent never to trust wholly those, Who have deceived us even once, But yet, I still come back.

taking a stand by updog - Macaque lamenting to Wukong how he was neglected, ignored, and pushed aside, and how he won't stand for it anymore. And no amount of words could ever fix the damage done, No matter how much you ignore it wont come undone, Hard to blame you when you acted out of cowardice [...] Picturing your end, I will not pretend that, It might feel so sweet, You left me no option. 'Cause this scar it never healed, All the hurt will be revealed.

The Ballad of Lucy Gray Baird from The Hunger Games - Macaque tells the tale of how he and Wukong grew up, then grew apart, and questions what Wukong would do when he was gone. Well, all right, I'm bad, but then, you're no prize either, All right, I'm bad, but then, that's nothing new, You say you won't love me, I won't love you neither, Just let me remind you what I am to you [...] It's sooner than later that I'm six feet under, It's sooner than later that you'll be alone, So who will you turn to tomorrow, I wonder, For when the bell rings, lover, you're on your own.

taixu (ネジ巻き師と太虚鳥) by Iasah - This one is more symbolic, fitting Macaque's love of theatre. The white crow and black crow represent Macaque's selves, but also his fates (Which of the crows told you the truth? [...] The crows were both myself, Or was it you?). The song reflects on how he used to perceive that he and Wukong were destined to do great things together, but then it became that only Wukong was destined and Macaque, "was not chosen." The list of deaths is both literal and metaphorical, representing, in order: The first end came so suddenly, You couldn't say goodbye to me (his death in the fire; literal), The tenth end came with agony, I thought that we were meant to be (Wukong killing him; literal), The hundredth end was simply just, An apathetic day for me (the resurrections of the Eclipse Sibs; literal), The thousandth end was ecstasy, The people begged for me to bleed (the failure of killing Wukong; metaphorical), The millionth end was vanity, I thought I saw you smile at me (Possessed!Wukong fighting Macaque; metaphorical). By the end of the song, Macaque has realized his life is up to him to choice (I killed the crow that tried deceiving, "No, the world is up to me!").

Pomegranate Lips by Derivakat - Macaque would make this his self-assigned theme song because it's cool and mysterious, which he thinks he is, and also all about how someone screwed him over but he's better than them. Been through nine circles of hell, even dragged some people down, I can cut right through a soul with a snap, don't need a spell, So what gave you the right? I'm the queen of death and life, Whether you like it or not [...] So bite your tongue and watch your back, Show some respect or you'll get a taste of these, Pomegranate lips.

Tool by Derivakat - Macaque spitefully believes that Wukong only ever sought to use him like a tool. So I'll cut you off once, you say try, try again, I'm ghosting you twice, you still claim I'm your friend, You set me on fire three times, now I'm done, 'Cause you lit the fuse, and you loaded the gun [...] I'm done with your lies, and I'm done with your games, So cry all about it and I'll take the blame.

Eden by Derivakat - Opposite to the anger in Tool, this "version" of Macaque is much calmer, though sadder, about how he believes Wukong never cared about him, though he believes it wasn't necessarily Wukong's intention. We were living in a garden made for two, But two is one too many and he doesn't understand, When he crushes all the flowers that I grew, I want him off this land [...] 'Cause he's nothing but a liar, Caught up in his own desire, He started this fire, so let him fall in flames, You know he's the one to blame [...] Kick him out of paradise, Finally he'll realize, Too late to apologize to Eden, To Eden, to Eden.

Mrs. Bluebeard by They Might Be Giants - Macaque laments bitterly on how he never should have trusted Wukong, and how the world is cruel. I want to say I learned something valuable today, Alas, my murdered remains are incapable of learning anything, Trusted you, I should have never trusted you, In fact I never did, What's the use [...] Most people wouldn't hang the corpses up for review, Dearest, I can only hope most people are nothing like you [...] Is this how you thank somebody, For their selfless loyalty? Is this what you do? Pardon me for failing to grasp how this works, Excuse my breathtaking ignorance.

The Haunting by Set It Off - Macaque talks about how he suffered and how he will torment Wukong for the rest of his existence. So you dragged me by my feet, To a ghost town, where you buried me, No wonder no one heard my screams [...] Run away, boy, if you couldn't tell, Baby's got a thirst for blood [...] Catch a lover, turn an enemy, Just to watch them burn alive [...] No one will love you like I did, Will treat you like I did, So go on, wear that scarlet letter, No one will love you like I did, Will touch you like I did, So good luck finding something better.

Problematic by BoyWithUke - Macaque sings about how Wukong broke his heart and his trust. Why did you love me so? Watch me as I let you go? Told you that I'm better off alone without you in my home, I let you in my heart, let you back into my arms, Fool for thinking we could make it faking every single part, I thought that maybe you could be the final fucking remedy, The one to pull me out if I were ever stuck inside a dream, I'm looking back at times we had, the things we did and things we can't, How could you stab me in the back? I thought you were better than that.

You're Going Down by Sick Puppies - A good ol' battle song between Shadowpeach. The singer is Macaque rather than Wukong here as the singer laments that the fight is no longer worth it, yet he can't let go and must keep fighting. Let's take a trip down memory lane (do you remember me?), The words circlin' in my brain (look what you did to me), You can treat this like another, all the same, But don't cry like a bitch when you feel the pain [...] This is hardly worth fighting for, But it's the little petty shit that I can't ignore, When my fist hits your face and your face hits the floor, It'll be a long time comin', Bet you got the message now, 'Cause I was never goin', Yeah, you're the one that's going down!

Hermit the Frog by Marina and the Diamonds - While its also a Savage song, the romantic undertones push it towards Macaque. This song reflects Macaque's conflicted mental state post-family-break-up, where he's started to recover himself a little bit, but still feels this hatred inside of himself. Yeah, I feel it coming on When I've been static for too long, And an explosion comes in time, Before I go and cross the line [...] Well, I went to the doctors believing, The devil had control over me and, I was finding it hard to breathe in, Finding it hard to fight the feeling [...] You can take your double standard love and keep it, I can't help the devil likes to make my heart a double bed.

Villain by Bella Poarch - Macaque sings about how he'll be the villain, but make it flirty. I'll be the villain tonight, I kinda like when you despise me after we fight, (Feels so much better when I'm), Pushin' all your buttons 'til you're crawlin' on the floor, You say you hate my guts, but you're still coming back for more [...] What's you and I without a little pain? Tastes bittersweet each time you say my name, If love was poison, we would drink it anyways, Feels so good playing these wicked little games.

SAY THAT YOU MISS ME by Mickey Darling - Macaque both taunts Wukong for what he did (Hey necrophiliac what are you doing? I said why are you trying to fuck me, If I am dead to you?) and demands an answer from Wukong, not willing to honestly admit that he misses what they had, instead hiding behind anger. I said "you broke my heart," You said "boo hoo," I said "I'm going to leave," You said "please do," I said "I hated you," You said "me too" [...] It's harder than you think finding someone for me, That could ever compete with somebody like you, I cant help that I hate every fucking girl I date, Cause it always feels the same, like im cheating on you, Hate that I have to say, babe, I made a mistake, Thinking anybody could have ever been you, They'll never be you.

Hell and You by Amigo the Devil - A song portraying Macaque's obsession with Wukong, be it in love or as enemies, or something twistedly in-between. Cause I'd rot in hell with you, If you'd just ask me to, I love the shitty things we do together, Live with me in this sin forever, Hell and you, I know you want it too [...] I'd crawl in bed with you, Even on someone else's blood on top of someone else's love, In the worst motel we find, Cause home is the last place that I'd stand to be with anyone but you.

Cannibal by Naethan Apollo - Another song about how Macaque is obsessed with Wukong, even when he hurts him, as he struggles to choose between leaving him alone entirely or continuing to seek his attention. Think I got the message, Thought our love was destined, But it's more like a death wish, A guarantee for misery [...] Tell me when I overreact, No, tell me again, please, I love being told what to do, But only when I'm told by you, At least, that's what I used to think, But nowadays, I'm on the brink.

The Red Means I Love You by Madds Buckley - Another song about Macaque being obsessed with Wukong, but this time it's set when he truly was obsessed with him---post-fire, post-imprisonment, post-resurrections. This Macaque can't see clearly at all, and is obsessed with making Wukong bleed if it's the only way to feel close to him. They say such a shame, I turned out this way, A maniac, Well, yeah, I get manic when I cause a panic, And of course, I'm excited when I see you around [...] You leave me high and dry, A rush comes to my mind at the drops, Of blood you leave behind, Run as you might, my love will never, ever, Stop.

TERRIBLE THINGS by Axie - This song follows the degraded mental state of "zombie" Macaque, post-Eclipse Sibs' resurrection, and how he knows he is doing terrible things, but that he cannot bring himself to feel anything remorseful, until time goes on, and things start changing inside him. This song also lists his deaths: 30 years with torture you can’t comprehend (the fire), 40 years, they’re seeking for means to an end (killed and imprisoned by Wukong), 50 years attached onto puppeteer strings (the Eclipse Sibs' resurrection, and his subsequent debt to LDB). The song begins to hint towards Macaque regretting and wanting to be free near the end. I just want to die, yeah, So please just let me die!, I’m undefeatable, I'm thriving, ‘Cause I know a thing or two when it comes to being killed, It’s oh so very painful, And I don’t want it to happen again, and again, and again!

Savage's

Catabolic Seed by The Scary Jokes - Savage feels lost and hopeless after everything that's happened to her, and she desperately wants to feel like she's in control. That dissipated so fast, seems the good times never last, And I always fall flat on my back, like an upside-down cat, But is bad luck really such a crime? [...] I want to destroy everything that's mine [...] (I'm safe, I'm whole, I've got it under control), My structure's compromised, (I'm safe, I'm whole, I've got it under control), But you still batter at all my fault lines, (And I will protect you even if you won't protect me too), I can't run, I can't hide, but you can't say I didn't try.

Second Child, Restless Child by The Oh Hellos - She was born the second child, though truly she wasn't the restless child---that was Rumble. But the song does reflect how she wanted to run away from it all. And they saw trouble in my eyes, They were quick to recognize the devil in me [...] And Heaven knows how hard I tried, But the devil whispered lies I believed [...] You've got to go on, further than you've ever gone, You've got to run far from all you've ever known.

Shared Eyes by Blixemi - Savage laments about how misunderstood she is and how mistreated she was by her family, and how much she simultaneously wants to hurt them and wants their attention. I figured this would be, A great time to misunderstand me [...] I used to beg and plead, But you sit there ever silently, 'Cause you can't hear it, Won't stand to hear it [...] I'm not who you think I am, If you think of me at all [...] You've let hate blossom, Now you cannot recognize [...] I wish your silence came from hate, Then at least I'd know why I'm to blame [...] So fine, I'll find the rage, To scorch out on my own, And in my wreckage, may you burn upon your throne [...] It seems to me, That I have always been the problem, Though I'd wish to solve it [...] I'm not who I think I am, When you think you've seen it all, In this frozen state of apathy, I've blossomed with every flaw, To hate I've fallen, And I now can't recognize, Your eyes that you despise [...] This feels wrong, It's not playing out right, How am I colder now, Upon a bridge I chose to ignite? [...] You close your eyes but open mine, I hate the way you make me hate myself for sharing eyes, You're not who you think you are, And I wish I never knew, I don't want to see the irony, That you hate me for being you.

Play With Fire by Sam Tinnesz - Savage copes with lighting fires, and she likes being dramatic. This song would be her jam. Let a girl be edgy and cringey. Insane, inside, The danger gets me high, Can't help myself, Got secrets I can't tell, I love the smell of gasoline, I light the match to taste the heat, I've always liked to play with fire.

Dead Mom from Beetlejuice - Savage sings to her Alive Dad, Wukong. Alternative lyrics can be found in the comment section on WGTKITD... somewhere. And no one sees me, Nothing seems to fit, Mamma is this it? Are you receiving? I want something to believe in or I'm done.

Already Dead by KittenSneeze - Savage talks about how she felt almost "possessed" by Macaque and Rumble as they forced her to fight and attempt to kill her own father, and how, now, she can't tell what she does or doesn't want anymore. I woke up in a daze, My mind in a haze, The smell of devastation lingers, What did he make me do? Or did I want to? I can't get the blood off my fingers [...] You don't need to believe me but just understand, That you can't get too close, Not with what I have planned [...] Do any of you know what it's like to walk through the fire? Know how to fight the crushing desire? Go with a knife to do what's required? I'm already dead since you got in my head!

Daddy's Little Monster by TryHardNinja - As the title suggests, Savage pleads for others to understand that she doesn't want to be cruel, she's just "daddy's little monster," referring to Macaque (for the most part). She wants to start anew, but feels like she's kept in a prison, especially as she looks at herself and remembers what she looks like now... Please don't be afraid, we're a little bent, Broken souls looking for a way to start again [...] You need us, we need you, it'll be alright, Yeah, it's alright, We don't want to stay under lock and key, You can help break the curse, we all wanna leave [...] If we could only shed our shells, Wear a mask and escape these cells, On the surface, we could start new.

Miss Wanna Die by JubyPhonic - Savage isn't exactly about being resurrected, and she isn't happy with her life... She would resonate with this song a lot. It both fits her character, and is a song she would listen to. Ah wanna die, wanna die, But don't really wanna die, You were there, you would care, Making me aware, Every scar, all the blood, More and more, they’re never done, Not enough, not enough, Ah wanna die, wanna die, But don't really wanna die, If I died, you would cry, And I don't know why [...] I wanna live, wanna live, Deep inside I've always been, Reaching out for a hand, so don’t let this be the end.

The Devil Within by Digital Daggers - Let's be real, this is how Savage sees herself, or wants to see herself. Cool, mysterious, dangerous... But really she's just angry. And dangerous. But, the song's vibes still stand---she wants to hurt others and protect herself. I made myself at home, In the cobwebs and the lies, I'm learning all your tricks, I can hurt you from inside, I made myself a promise, You would never see me cry, 'Til I make you [...] I'm gonna make you suffer, This hell you put me in, I'm underneath your skin, The devil within [...] Look what you made of me, Now I'm the heavy burden that you can't bear.

Rumble's

Sin Triangle by Sidney Gish - Rumble desperately wants to be like everybody else, but struggles with his own inner demons as he tries to fit in and be cool as a young demon, and then struggles with rebuilding his family as he feels guilty for destroying it in order to get what he'd wanted. Two-faced bitches never lie, And therefore I never lie, Diagram this sin triangle for me tonight, because, I don't know what to say, A sickness by another name, Wouldn't be sweet either but, With luck, it would at least look much more tame [...] Bill Woodruff here has something on his mind, He wants something, In fact [...] You want certain things from other people and your environment, The way you go about getting those things, Reveals your personality [...] Did you ever want, so much, To make a good impression on someone? What did you do? How accepted was your personality? Did you ever feel alone, out of place, When you wanted very much to be part of the group?

¿Viva la Gloria? (Little Girl) by Green Day - On the inside, Rumble is cracking under the knowledge of everything he did to harm (manipulate, deception, double-crossing) his family. He feels like a stray without a home. Little girl, little girl, Why are you crying? Inside your restless soul, Your heart is dying [...] There is no place like home, When you got no place to go [...] Little one, little one, The sky is falling, Your lifeboat of deception, Is now sailing [...] Your bloodshot eyes, Will show your heart of treason, Little girl, little girl, You dirty liar, You're just a junkie, Preaching to the choir [...] The traces of blood, Always follow you home, Like the mascara tears, From your getaway, You're walking with blisters, And running with shears, So unholy.

Icicles by The Scary Jokes - Rumble convinces himself of his self-entitlement; that he is better than everyone else. He is jealous of what everyone else has, both in past and present. He hates having to always be the one to "play nice." But, at the same time, his flaws (The one where you are crying, And I don't do anything at all, directly referring to his treatment of Savage) are catching up, and he can't stay on the pedestal he put himself on forever. Get in your zone, don't even look at them at all, Their shallow observations will only stall the transformation, You've become art, how could they even start to see, Beyond your presentation when they've got no imagination? [...] I can only be forgiven if I'm giving myself up to you, On a silver serving tray, Must I bare myself to the stabbing of your knife and gnashing teeth, While our lovely company appears so entertained? [...] My world has turned so cold, but I won't cry, 'Cause icicles don't soften when they die, So why should I?

Soup Song by Nep - Rumble has very mixed feelings towards his family, and he struggles under the weight of being the "good one" when no one else will try. I hate you and I loved you for a very long time, I do not share any more, I'd ask you how'd you do if I was feeling kind, I do not dare anymore, My mom got a new job, and my dad's doing just fine, I do not mind anymore [...] If I had a tendency to yell, Your ears would be numb, If I had it in me to tell you off, You would be done, I'm not used to feeling so down and so dumb, Guess I thought that I was lovable, Kinda thought that I was lovable [...] I put my head down, and you stepped on my neck, I cannot take any more.

Smokey Eyes by Lincoln - Rumble desperately wants to bring his family back together, and struggles through his emotions with how difficult it is. The song also has implications towards his struggles with addictions and unhealthy coping mechanisms. Some people want to be your friend, Some people just want to be free, And the worst thing about me, Is that I’m somewhere in between, I might miss you, But I’m still trying to get clean [...] Quiet lies that you’re telling to, Those black and screaming skies [...] This is not what all my idols told me college would be like, I hope someday you learn to take your own advice [...] So help me make amends with all my friends, Most other people are just dead ends, There’s nothing worse than making friends.

How Did You Love by Shinedown - Rumble would totally sing this family to his family, specifically his parents, questioning, "how did you love?" and what they left behind. You can try to fight it, just like every other careless mistake, How do you justify? I'm mystified by the ways of your heart, With a million lies, the truth will rise to tear you apart [...] Nothing ever feels the quite same when you are what you dreamed, And you will never look at anything the same when you see what I see, How we forget ourselves, lose our way from the cradle to the grave [...] No one gets out alive, every day is do or die, The one thing you leave behind, Is how did you love, how did you love?

#who got the kids in the divorce #lego monkie kid #shadowpeach #sun wukong #monkey king #six eared macaque #six-eared macaque #lmk #liu er mihou #older cubs au #wgtkitd?#wgtkitd #fanfic #lmk fanfic #lmk au

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cometcrystal · 11 months

Text

fav lyrics in each taylor swift song

I have autism and got a whim so here you go.

Self titled

Tim mcgraw - September saw a month of tears / And thankin' God that you weren't here / To see me like that

Picture to burn - So go and tell your friends that I'm obsessive and crazy / That's fine, I'll tell mine you're gay

Teardrops on my guitar - She'd better hold him tight, give him all her love / Look in those beautiful eyes and know she's lucky

A place in this world - I don't know what I want, so don't ask me

Cold as you - You never did give a damn thing, honey, but I cried, cried for you / And I know you wouldn't have told nobody if I died, died for you

The outside - You could've helped if you had wanted to

Tied together with a smile - Cause you're giving it away like it's extra change / Hoping it will end up in his pocket / But he leaves you out like a penny in the rain

Stay beautiful - Cory's eyes are like a jungle / He smiles, it's like the radio

Shouldve said no - It's strange to think the songs we used to sing / The smiles, the flowers, everything is gone

Marys song - I was seven and you were nine / I looked at you like the stars that shined

Our song - I was riding shotgun with my hair undone in the front seat of his car / He's got a one-hand feel on the steering wheel, the other on my heart (literally one of the most iconic taytay lyrics of all time imo)

Im only me when im with you - Don't wanna fly if you're still on the ground

Invisible - She can't see the way your eyes light up when you smile

A perfectly good heart - Why would you wanna make the very first scar?

Lucky you - Her mama named her Lucky on a starlit night

Fearless - And I don't know why but with you I'd dance in a storm in my best dress

Fearless

Fifteen - In your life you'll do things greater than dating the boy on the football team

Love story - So, I sneak out to the garden to see you / We keep quiet 'cause we're dead if they knew

Hey stephen - I could give you fifty reasons why I should be the one you choose / All those other girls - well, they're beautiful / But would they write a song for you?

White horse - My mistake, I didn't know to be in love you had to fight to have the upper hand

You belong with me - And you've got a smile that could light up this whole town / I haven't seen it in a while since she brought you down

Breathe - You're the only thing I know like the back of my hand

Tell me why - You could write a book on how to ruin someone's perfect day

You're not sorry - And you've got your share of secrets / And I'm tired of being last to know

The way i loved you - And my heart's not breaking / 'Cause I'm not feeling anything at all

Forever and always - I hold onto the night you looked me in the eye and told me you loved me / Were you just kidding?

The best day - I don't know who I'm going to talk to now at school / But I know I'm laughing on the car ride home with you

Change - They might be bigger / But we're faster and never scared

Jump then fall - We're on the phone and without a warning / I realize your laugh is the best sound I have ever heard

Untouchable - In the middle of the night when I'm in this dream / It's like a million little stars spelling out your name

Come in with the rain - Talk to the wind, talk to the sky / Talk to the man with the reasons why

Superstar - And I knew from the first note played / I'd be breaking all my rules to see you

The other side of the door - I said, "Leave," but all I really want is you / To stand outside my window throwing pebbles / Screaming, "I'm in love with you"

Today was a fairytale - Today was a fairytale / I wore a dress / You wore a dark grey t-shirt / You told me I was pretty when I looked like a mess

You all over me - The best and worst day of June / Was the one that I met you / With your hands in your pockets / And your "Don't you wish you had me?" grin

Mr. Perfectly fine - And I never got past what you put me through / But it's wonderful to see that it never fazed you

We were happy - Oh, I hate those voices telling me I'm not in love anymore

That's when - gonna keep it real with u chief i dont have a favorite from this one bc i listened to it 1nce ever and the azlyrics arent standing out to me.

Don't you - Don't you say you've missed me if you don't want me again

Bye bye baby - Guess I never doubted it / Then the here and the now floods in

Speak now

Mine - You made a rebel of a careless man's careful daughter

Sparks fly - Give me something that'll haunt me when you're not around

Back to december - It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you

Speak now - The organ starts to play a song that sounds like a death march

Dear john - Wonderin' which version of you I might get on the phone tonight / Well, I stopped pickin' up, and this song is to let you know why

Mean - And I can see you years from now in a bar / Talking over a football game / With that same big loud opinion / But nobody's listening

The story of us - This is looking like a contest of who can act like they care less / But I liked it better when you were on my side

Never grow up - Memorize what it sounded like when your dad gets home

Enchanted - Please don't be in love with someone else / Please don't have somebody waiting on you

Better than revenge - joshua rtvs voice this song sucks start over

Innocent - 32 is still growing up

Haunted - Something keeps me holding on to nothing

Last kiss - How you'd kiss me when I was in the middle of saying something / There's not a day I don't miss those rude interruptions

Long live - If you have children some day / When they point to the pictures / Please tell them my name

Ours - People throw rocks at things that shine

If this was a movie - Locked up in your arms and our friends are laughing / 'Cause nothing like this ever happened to them

Superman - I always forget to tell you I love you, I loved you from the very first day

Electric touch - And maybe I call you mine / And you won't need space / Or string me along while you decide

When emma falls in love - Like if Cleopatra grew up in a small town

I can see you - i dont care

Castles crumbling - Ones I loved tried to help, so I ran them off

Foolish one - Don't know what to call this situation / But I know I can't call you mine

Timeless - In the fifteen hundreds off in a foreign land / And I was forced to marry another man / You still would've been mine

Red

State of grace - So you were never a saint / And I've loved in shades of wrong / We learn to live with the pain / Mosaic broken hearts

Red - Forgetting him was like trying to know somebody you never met

Treacherous - Put your lips close to mine / As long as they don't touch

I knew you were trouble - Pretends he doesn't know that he's the reason why / You're drowning, you're drowning, you're drowning

All too well - You said if we had been closer in age maybe it would have been fine / And that made me want to die / The idea you had of me, who was she? / A never-needy, ever-lovely jewel whose shine reflects on you

22 - It feels like a perfect night to dress up like hipsters / And make fun of our exes

I almost do - I bet it never ever occurred to you that I can't say "Hello" to you / And risk another goodbye

We are never ever getting back together - I'm really gonna miss you picking fights / And me falling for it screaming that I'm right

Stay stay stay - It's been occurring to me I'd like to hang out with you for my whole life

The last time - You wear your best apology / But I was there to watch you leave

Holy ground - Tonight I'm gonna dance for all that we've been through / But I don't wanna dance if I'm not dancing with you

Sad beautiful tragic - And time is taking its sweet time erasing you

The lucky one - And your lover in the foyer doesn't even know you / And your secrets end up splashed on the news front page

Everything had changed - Cause all I know is we said, "Hello" / And your eyes look like coming home

Starlight - Can't remember what song it was playing when we walked in / The night we snuck into a yacht club party / Pretending to be a duchess and a prince

Begin again - I almost brought him up / But you start to talk about the movies that your family watches every single Christmas

The moment i knew - What do you say when tears are streaming down your face in front of everyone you know?

Come back be here - Taxi cabs and busy streets / That never bring you back to me

Girl at home - You're the kind of man who makes me sad / While she waits up

Ronan - You were my best four years

Better man - Push my love away like it was some kind of loaded gun

Nothing new - Shoot you down and then they sigh / And say, "She looks like she's been through it"

Babe - I hate that because of you, I can't love you, babe

Message in a bottle - I'm reaching for you, terrified

I bet you think about me - I was raised on a farm, no, it wasn't a mansion / Just livin' room dancin' and kitchen table bills (this is my fav lyric from this song because its so categorically fucking FALSE)

Forever winter - If I was standing there in your apartment / I'd take that bomb in your head and disarm it

Run - There's a heart on your sleeve / I'll take it when I leave / And hold it for you

The very first night - Not trying to fall in love / But we did like children running

1989

Welcome to new york - Kaleidoscope of loud heartbeats under coats

Blank space - I get drunk on jealousy

Style - You got that long hair, slicked back, white t-shirt / And I got that good girl faith and a tight little skirt

Out of the woods - The rest of the world was black and white / But we were in screaming color

All you had to do was stay - People like you always want back the love they gave away / And people like me wanna believe you when you say you've changed

Shake it off - Can't stop, won't stop grooving / It's like I got this music in my mind / Saying, "It's gonna be alright"

I wish you would - You always knew how to push my buttons / You give me everything and nothing

Bad blood - Band-aids don't fix bullet holes

Wildest dreams - You'll see me in hindsight / Tangled up with you all night / Burnin' it down

How you get the girl - Shaking from the rain, rain /She'll open up the door and say, "Are you insane?"

This love - And I could go on and on, on and on and I will

I know places - Loose lips sink ships all the damn time / Not this time

Clean - The water filled my lungs, I screamed so loud / But no one heard a thing

Wonderland - Didn't you flash your green eyes at me? / Didn't you calm my fears with a Cheshire cat smile?

You are in love - And you understand now why they lost their minds and fought the wars

New romantics - The rumors are terrible and cruel / But, honey, most of them are true

Reputation

Ready for it - Every love I've known in comparison is a failure

End game - And I bury hatchets, but I keep maps of where I put 'em

I did something bad - I never trust a playboy, but they love me / So I fly 'em all around the world / And I let them think they saved me

Dont blame me - My name is whatever you decide

Delicate - Do the girls back home touch you like I do?

Look what you made me do - You asked me for a place to sleep / Locked me out and threw a feast

So it goes - You did a number on me / But, honestly, baby, who's counting

Gorgeous - You should take it as a compliment / That I got drunk and made fun of the way you talk

Getaway car - I'm in a getaway car / I left you in a motel bar / Put the money in a bag and I stole the keys / That was the last time you ever saw me

King of my heart - Is this the end of all the endings? / My broken bones are mending

Dancing with our hands tied - I'm a mess, but I'm the mess that you wanted

Dress - My hands are shaking from holding back from you

This is why we cant have nice things - And here's to my baby / He ain't reading what they call me lately

Call it what you want - He built a fire just to keep me warm

New years day - I want your midnights / But I'll be cleaning up bottles with you on New Year's Day

Lover

I forgot that you existed - I forgot that you existed / And I thought that it would kill me, but it didn't

Cruel summer - I love you, ain't that the worst thing you ever heard?

Lover - Ladies and gentlemen, will you please stand? / With every guitar string scar on my hand / I take this magnetic force of a man to be my lover

The man - What's it like to brag about raking in dollars / And getting bitches and models?

The archer - 'Cause all of my enemies started out friends / Help me hold on to you

I think he knows - Lyrical smile, indigo eyes, hand on my thigh

Miss americana and the heartbreak prince - And I don't want you to (Go) / I don't really wanna (Fight) / 'Cause nobody's gonna (Win)

Paper rings - I like shiny things, but I'd marry you with paper rings

Cornelia street - And baby, I get mystified by how this city screams your name

Death by a thousand cuts - ENTIRE SONG !!!!!!!

London boy - You Can Find Me In The Pub We Are Watching Rugby

Soon you'll get better - And I hate to make this all about me / But who am I supposed to talk to?

False god - I know heaven's a thing / I go there when you touch me, honey / Hell is when I fight with you

You need to calm down - And I'm just like, "Damn It's 7 AM"

Afterglow - I lived like an island, punished you with silence

Me - HEY KIDS SPELLING IS FUN

Its nice to have a friend - Something gave you the nerve to touch my hand

Daylight - I once believed love would be burning red / But it's golden like daylight

Folklore

The 1 - In my defense, I have none / For never leaving well enough alone

Cardigan - You drew stars around my scars / But now I'm bleeding

The last great american dynasty - They say she was seen on occasion / Pacing the rocks staring out at the midnight sea / And in a feud with her neighbor / She stole his dog and dyed it key lime green

Exile - I can see you starin', honey / Like he's just your understudy / Like you'd get your knuckles bloody for me

My tears ricochet - And if I'm dead to you why are you at the wake?

Mirrorball - I've never been a natural / All I do is try, try, try

Seven - And I think you should come live with me and we can be pirates / Then you won't have to cry

August - So much for summer love, and saying "Us" / 'Cause you weren't mine to lose

This is me trying - And my words shoot to kill when I'm mad / I have a lot of regrets about that

Illicit affairs - Don't call me "kid", don't call me "baby" / Look at this idiotic fool that you made me / You taught me a secret language I can't speak with anyone else

Invisible string - Cold was the steel of my axe to grind for the boys who broke my heart / Now I send their babies presents

Mad woman - i dont care

Epiphany - Something med school did not cover / Someone's daughter, someone's mother / Holds your hand through plastic now

Betty - Betty, right now is the last time I can dream about what happens when you see my face again

Peace - All these people think love's for show / But I would die for you in secret

Hoax - Don't want no other shade of blue but you / No other sadness in the world would do

The lakes - Those Windermere peaks look like a perfect place to cry / I'm setting off, but not without my muse

Evermore

Willow - I'm like the water when your ship rolled in that night / Rough on the surface but you cut through like a knife

Champagne problems - Sometimes you just don't know the answer / 'Til someone's on their knees and asks you

Gold rush - I don't like that anyone would die to feel your touch

Tis the damn season - If I wanted to know who you were hanging with while I was gone, I would've asked you

Tolerate it - I made you my temple, my mural, my sky / Now I'm begging for footnotes in the story of your life

No body no crime - She says, "That ain't my Merlot on his mouth / That ain't my jewelry on our joint account"

Happiness - No one teaches you what to do / When a good man hurts you / And you know you hurt him, too

Dorothea - And if you're ever tired of being known for who you know / You know that you'll always know me

Coney island - If I can't relate to you anymore / Then who am I related to?

Ivy - I'd live and die for moments that we stole / On begged and borrowed time / So tell me to run / Or dare to sit and watch what we'll become / And drink my husband's wine

Cowboy like me - And the skeletons in both our closets / Plotted hard to fuck this up

Long story short - Pushed from the precipice / Clung to the nearest lips / Long story short, it was the wrong guy

Marjorie - Should've kept every grocery store receipt / 'Cause every scrap of you would be taken from me

Closure - Don't treat me like some situation that needs to be handled

Evermore - I replay my footsteps on each stepping stone / Trying to find the one where I went wrong

Right where you left me - Glass shattered on the white cloth / Everybody moved on

Its time to go - He's got my past frozen behind glass / But I've got me

Midnights

Lavender haze - I'm damned if I do give a damn what people say

Maroon - Laughing with my feet in your lap / Like you were my closest friend

Anti hero - I'm a monster on the hill / Too big to hang out, slowly lurching toward your favorite city / Pierced through the heart, but never killed

Snow on the beach - But your eyes are flying saucers from another planet

Youre on your own kid - I picked the petals, he loves me not / Something different bloomed / Writing in my room

Midnight rain - And he never thinks of me / Except when I'm on TV

Question - gonna keep it real i straight up dont get this song

Vigilante shit - Picture me thick as thieves with your ex-wife

Bejeweled - I made you my world / Have you heard? / I can reclaim the land / And I miss you / But I miss sparkling

Labyrinth - I'll be getting over you my whole life

Karma - Karma is a cat / Purring in my lap 'cause it loves me / Flexing like a goddamn acrobat / Me and karma vibe like that

Sweet nothing - All that you ever wanted from me was sweet nothing

Mastermind - No one wanted to play with me as a little kid / So I've been scheming like a criminal ever since / To make them love me and make it seem effortless

Hits different - I pictured you with other girls in love / Then threw up on the street

The great war - Soldier down on that icy ground / Looked up at me with honor and truth / Broken and blue / So I called off the troops / That was the night I nearly lost you

Bigger than the whole sky - Did some bird flap its wings over in Asia? / Did some force take you because I didn't pray?

Paris - I wanna brainwash you into loving me forever

High infidelity - Do you really want to know where I was April 29th? / Do I really have to tell you how he brought me back to life?

Glitch - Maybe I'll see you out some weekend / Depending on what kind of mood and situation-ship I'm in / And what's in my system

Would've could've should've - THE ENTIRE THING !!!!!!!!!

Dear reader - No one sees when you lose when you're playing solitaire

Youre losing me - And I wouldn't marry me either / A pathological people pleaser / Who only wanted you to see her

Thats all the songs i can think of. My hands are shaking

#ts #taylor swift

12 notes · View notes

calliedion-dungeon · 11 months

Text

𖤓Sore Kisses

Picture Kath on Pinterest

(oooh look! another Mary Goore/Fem reader fic) (Also, first time posting a Mary Fic in here)

Chapter 1. Spider vs Bat

Read on ao3 <<<

Summary: Your best friend Frank wants to include you in his circle of friends, that triggers a series of encounters with one of his rommies, Mary Goore, at first they get along fatally, but it's just that you don't know each other. How many steps does it take for you to get along?

Warnings: MDNI +18, Smoking, Heavy Drinking, Fluff and Angst (later) Swearing, Crossdressing (later), Adult Content, Eventual Smut, Blonde Mary Goore!! Everyone is a Little Shit in here, later it gets all Soft and Smutty, Enemies to Friends to Lovers Trope.

//If you have read my other fics with Mary, you'll know this is the most self-indugent piece of shit I make :D//

While you light a second cigarette, sitting on a very short wall as your feet swing, you playfully kick your friend's shoulder, Frank, the one who always accompanies you, he’s sweeter than anyone in the world, but his image of a rough, tan, muscular metalhead helps you go out and nobody bothers you thanks to his intimidating physique, no one knows that usually you’re the one who takes care of him, you, who is up to his elbow in height, yet fierce and short temper, often he’s the one stopping you from starting a fight.

You find yourself sitting on a block fence, waiting for some boys to arrive that he wants to introduce you to, his plan is to merge circles of friends. You give him another little push with your boot, he knows you're bothering him on purpose, you've known each other for so many years that he's immune to your anger, your impatience and especially your high-pitched voice, that tone you make when you're bored, just like now, you've been waiting for half an hour, and your friend just takes a step away from you so your foot won't reach him.

“They aren't coming, dude…” you tease your friend, as you often do by telling him “She doesn’t love you” or “They changed you for a better person” and “We’re secretly cousins”

“Yes, they are… stop that!” Frank pleas about your annoying foot, holding his arms crossed giving you a side eye, that was one of his virtues, he never got angry at you.

“They better be worth it; you know I hate meeting new people” you anxiously give your cigarette a couple puffs more, rather dead than to show that you are nervous.

“You need to expand your horizons, Y/N. I can’t your only friend”

“I mean, you're the best, but not the only one, I do have other friends, but we’re meant to be together forever” you say as affectionate as a death threat.

“The eldest teachers in art school don't count” ignoring the part last of your sentence, he laughs.

“Fine! It's just that… people our age are so fucking stupid, they never know anything beyond their noses”

“There's a reason why I’m introducing you to these guys, two of them are my roommates and you don’t even know them”

“Because they sound like idiots…”

“Frank!! Hey, man!”

A group of young people arrive, they greet your friend so familiar that it makes you a little jealous that he has more friends besides you, but that feeling confirms what your friend told you seconds ago, some look at you curiously as you drop from the fence and put out your cigarette, your combat boots make a sound that caught the attention of some boys and the single girl who hugs one of them, while you shake your plaid pants off, Frank introduces you to everyone, some want to shake your hand, but you just wave “hello” to everyone with one hand and you take a step back sticking close to the fence.

“You’ll excuse my friend; she gets shy with strangers” Seeing that you refrain from touching them, Frank knows how to excuse you for being more withdrawn than usual.

“I’m not shy, I’m just looking” Your careful look follows the small group of people, some know well what you are doing, others do not even turn to see you.

“More like judging” Frank isn't one to do you much of a favor, but you like that he doesn't mince words about calling your shit out.

“Oh yeah? Too bad we already have one like that” One of the boys who had a very pretty girl hugged with one arm, says this while with the other arm he pushes someone you haven't seen, hidden among his long blond hair, he seems shy at first, and just gave a little smirk, he had a baggy t-shirt from a band you like, that made him seemed like an approachable person, maybe later you'll try to make conversation, you don't remember if they told you his name, he just smiles at the others without looking at you, bumps fists with Frank like If they've known each other their whole life.

All this time you both had been waiting for the boys outside a bar, you don't love those places, those nights always end badly, but Frank was always determined to go to these kind of bars to hang out, you reluctantly accompany him when he insists too much, so you enter with the group without much desire, when you all walk to the bar together, you get upset because they leave you behind, while everyone talks to each other, things that everyone knows in a group, things that you are not aware of, therefore you cannot participate.

You move on auto-pilot, they sat at some tables a little tight between everyone, Frank was next to you, you stayed on the edge of the table, so you had to scoot over every time someone wanted to go to the bathroom, that added a little more to your annoyance, you tried to drink as much beer as possible hoping that it would cheer you up a bit and not ruin anyone's night, especially your friend’s. At one point when you were drinking from your bottle without looking, Frank nudged you.

“Hey, you took Mary’s bottle” Frank yells at you over the music.

You look in front of you that there are two bottles and the one you have in your hand is much fuller than yours, you look at the shaggy young man who looks at you confused.

“You want me to buy you another one?” the loud music barely let you even hear yourself, your offering was not well received, maybe it was because that guy didn’t hear you well, he wrinkled his face at you.

“Do whatever you want” he huffs barely looking at you.

“It was an accident, dude” you try to be polite, but your annoyance is quite noticeable, although he has the right to refuse your offer, that tone was not necessary either.

“I said, whatever” He gets up and walks on top of the table, everyone yells at him as he just jumps off knocking over some beer bottles.

“Hey, cut it out” everyone complains but he goes in the direction of the bathroom, stumbling slightly.

“Come on, let’s go smoke outside” Frank proposes to you, knowing it’ll calm you down, one of his friends follow you two as well. He seemed nicer than the other blond sucker, his name is Nick and just as he offered you his lighter you immediately liked him better. You’re half hidden behind a door in a dark corner outside the bar, the others were near the light post by your side, the one called Nick was showing off his newest tattoo and to be fair it was really cool, they were making small talk to make you show off your piercings, some of them you made them yourself at work.

“Sorry for that” Nick excuses as soon as he lights your cigarette, you tilt your head and knot your brows in visible confusion “I mean Mary?” You're still not sure who's he talking about, you forgot his name so quickly.

“The blonde that knocked all of the bottles on the table because you stole his?” Frank helped complete the thought of what Nick meant, they were both looking at a certain point towards the bar entry, you couldn’t see from your hiding spot.

“Oohhh, that major dickhead? What an…” Your tone accompanied by a cloud of smoke denoted that you were still bothered by what had happened inside, you expected one of the two to say something about it, but you only heard a voice approaching and asking.

“Who’s a dickhead?” This Mary appears interrupting the conversation and you just remain silent, while they offer him your cigarettes.

“Nobody… Anyway… uhh we’re hanging in the apartment later, Y/N you wanna come? You’ve never been there” Frank tries to lighten the conversation by diverting the thoughts of the two of you to something else, you really don’t want to encourage conversation anymore, at least not with them.

“No” you kill the cigarette butt with your boot, if you turn to see anyone it's only Nick or Frank.

“Come on? I promise we cleaned this time, no more banana peels and…”

“Who is we?” you interrupt him.

“Actually, we all three, Nick and Mary are my roomies” you use all your strength not to yell 'fuck no!' Frank has invited you to his apartment so many times that it was embarrassing, but now knowing that he lives with that… guy, now you want to go even less.

“I don’t know… there are no ghosts in your apartment?” you jokingly say to Frank, even venturing to smile a little, knowing that it was an old building where they lived, you often joked about him being cursed.

“Only those with huge tits” you hear that blonde speaking, you glare at Mary, not responding, what’s with this guy meddling in your conversations? You give him a murderous look, without even bothering to hide your annoyance.

“Y/N, it's just a joke...” Frank warns you; Nick looks at you amused by your interactions, puffing on his own.

“That's what you get for mixing circles of friends” you tell Frank in a calmer voice, it's obvious it's not his fault, even if it’s not fair, sometimes you can’t help yourself but to react to idiots, it’s not like you should be patient to a stranger.

“…and you are not part of any” You immediately frown looking directly at Mary, leaving your spot, you get up angrily, he turns to look down at you smirking with that stupid smug face begging you to punch him.

“What the fuck did you say?” you spit at him; Nick widens his eyes and takes a couple of steps back still hiding his laughter.

“Hey! You, stop it” Frank points at Mary and calls him in a stern tone “You, calm down” he holds your arm, knowing you, he should be thanking that there’s no bottles around for you to throw.

“He fucking started it!” he gives you a smirk, while continuing to smoke your cigs and winks at you, at this point it has to be on purpose and you fell for it.

Would it be too immature to leave? Would it be considered a tantrum? Maybe, but it's for the best, you don't have to put up with the words or the terrible welcome from someone so... The word doesn't even come to you, undesirable? So guy-like? That's not even an insult, though in the proper context... either way, fuck him.

#Sore Kisses #mary goore fanfic #mary goore x reader #Mary Goore #repugnant band fanfiction #repugnant

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la-cocotte-de-paris · 1 year

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Hello! 3. Are you like your zodiac sign suggests that you should be? 45. If you could bring back a person from the dead who would you bring back? 53. Mention a movie that always makes you cry? (ça fait beaucoup)

Salut !

3. Are you like your zodiac sign suggests that you should be?

Yes and no! I am a Leo. I have a heart of gold and I can be warm and generous, sometimes even fun, and I enjoy attention. HOWEVER, I am also very private and want space too, and sometimes I hate being loud (and usually avoid being loud unless I'm with close friends) and I usually find very loud people extremely irritating because I know they're usually compensating for something that they lack. And often I do not know how to respond or act when all eyes are suddenly clearly on me (for example I HATEEE being presented things in public, e.g. formal ceremony or whatever. I'm like "please let me walk over, take it and leave, I don't want to be made just stand there and wait for someone to GIVE the thing to me in front of all these people, I'm no better than anyone else, let's just do this casually not formally"). I much prefer this type of attention and praise in a private setting, not for everyone to see because I feel it comes across as incredibly insincere that way. I'm also quite introverted, and Leos are given the reputation for being extroverted. I love doing things myself and with friends, but I also love just chilling at home. Also, god help you if you piss me off. I think that is an accurate Leo trait.

45. If you could bring back a person from the dead who would you bring back?

Okay honestly there are sooooo many different people I'd love to bring back to life, but if I could only choose just one...

Well it wouldn't be much of a surprise if I said Edwige Feuillère, would it? 😅 I would love to ask her so many questions, and I think she could give me some amazing fashion tips, haha. And I think we would genuinely get on well -- both a little shy but crave human connection, and she was so intelligent and well-read, so open-minded, I could listen to her talk about anything or we could discuss literature or history together for hoursssss. (Also maybe I would like to run away with her somewhere and have a passionate affair that would either last forever or end so terribly that neither of us would ever get over the other for the rest of our living days) Idk, either we would have much in common or she'd absolutely despise me, not sure which, but I'd like to think we would get on. 😅

53. Mention a movie that always makes you cry?

Hmm, there are quite a few that get a strong emotional reaction out of me, but making me really cry... I have only seen An Cailín Ciúin/The Quiet Girl (2022) once but I was bawling tears in the cinema by the end (and same with everyone else who ever saw it in the cinemas here, from what I've seen and heard!). It was so beautiful, I don't know if it is possible not to have a dry eye by the end of watching it! And I knew as I watched it that it was going to do so well with critics and award nominations, and it did!

Another film (that I have seen more than once) that always rips my heart out is Sans Lendemain (1939). I cry at that one too. </3

Honourable mentions go to Snow Chick - A Penguin’s Tale (2015), Waterloo Bridge (1940) and Marie Antoinette (2006).

Merci pour les questions !! ^.^

Questions to ask

#questions to ask #ask games #asked and answered #welcome-home-nyx #whew these answers were way longer than anticipated oops sorry!!#mind you the penguin film is a documentary rather than a fictional plot but it's feature length film

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koolkat9 · 1 year

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What are your favorite musicals and which musicals would you assign to your favorite countries based on personality? Yes, This is me asking what Music themes you'd assign them too I guess without looking at youtube and seeing videos 10 years old. I miss seeing Character Theme videos.

Oooh this is a good one! I'm also going to share musicals that make me think of some ships too because I want to ramble about the two musicals that make me think of a GerEng AU.

Okay but Characters.

Canada- Dear Evan Hansen

I know. Kind of basic. But I love DEH. "Waving Through a Window" is such a Mattie song. But what really sells the idea for me is that "So Big / So Small" is such a good song for Royal Red Bros. Francis is the dad that left, and Arthur tries to pick up the pieces, but also fails Matthew. Just the dynamic between Evan's Mom and Evan is just perfect for these two. Like Evan's mom does love Evan, but being a single mom isn't easy and to provide for him she has to work ridiculous hours so she's not there for him physically. Which is a similar postion Arthur finds himself in.

Also the lines

"That night I tucked you into bed

I will never forget how you sat up and said

'Is there another truck coming to our drive way?

A truck that will take mommy away.'"

Just hit me so hard with feels for Arthur and Matt. Just imagining a little Mattie asking Arthur one night if Arthur is going to leave him behind too. Because Francis left and Arthur seems so much more focused on Alfred. Matthew it terrified it will happen again. And it breaks Arthur's heart.

ALTERNATIVELY

Canada - Next to Normal (Specifically the song "Superboy and the Invisible Girl")

I don't know enough about what this musical is actually about other than we follow our main character Diana who is struggling with bipolar disorder and hallucinations of her dead son. And basically I think it shows how her condition affects her family?

But we did "Superboy and the Invisible Girl" for some concert once and I actually played Diana. And every time I rehearsed this song, all I could think of was ACE Family.

It is primarily Natalie, Diana's daughter, feeling neglected and ignored because of her Mother's grief over her son's death.

This line really makes me think of the two, especially after Alfred has become independent and Matthew attempts to pick up the pieces of a broken Arthur:

"Super boy and the invisible girl

He's the one you'd wish would appear

He's your hero, forever your son

He's not here, I am here"

---

America - Hamliltion

For obvious reasons. American history. Main character is smart, but also so impulsive. "I'm not Throwing Away my Shot" always make me think of Al.

---

England - Mary Poppins

Of course I choose something obvious. You know how much I love Arthur with kids. And Mary Poppins is that strict parental figure, but she does want what's best for the kids in her care, and I think that's perfect for Arthur.

Also I just love imagining Arthur singing "Feed the Birds."

Also also. get 2p England involved and make Oliver Bert. So double the Englands making it more fitting. Alternatively Gilbert could be Bert to make it Pruk instead.

---

GerEng - Chitty Chitty Bang Bang

I have this whole musical casted with Hetalia characters. But the summary first because its probably a musical not many know. I really don't know how to encompass everything so I'm just going to steal the summary from IMDb:

"A down-on-his-luck inventor turns a broken-down Grand Prix car into a fancy vehicle for his children, and then they go off on a magical fantasy adventure to save their grandfather in a far-off land."

God I had orginally had a long decription of a cast list for this but I'll ramble about that in another post. All you need to know though:

Arthur as Caratacus Potts - The down on his luck inventor and single father. Sometimes his work distracts him, but he really does love his kids

Ludwig as Truly Scrumptious - A candy heiress who meets the Potts family after almost running over the children when they run out into the road. She and Caratacus kind of get off on the wrong foot when she argues that the kids should be in school and not running around. But after he impresses her with his inventions and she joins them on their adventure in their magic car, the two fall in love.

Peter as Jeremy and Jemimah - Because I can't think of a second child to go with Peter I just have Peter right now. Because I love GerEng being dads to him.

Anyway. The songs.

First we have "You Two" which actually makes me imagine things separate from this au. Because this is also so good for ACE Family. I ramble about it more here.

"Doll On a Music Box" One of my favourite songs to listen too to daydream about GerEng. Just them pulling the same stunt Caratacus and Truly do to rescue the kids. Also Ludwig dressed up as a doll is a nice image.

"Lovely Lonely Man" Could work for either of them, but I always have loved the idea of Ludwig singing this about Arthur. Because Ludwig fell fast just like the song suggests while Arthur took a bit of time. It's just a perfect monologue of Ludwig admitting his feelings to himself.

God I could go on but I'll save the rest for a separate post

---

Okay one last one for GerEng! Music Man.

Summary from Stage Agent: "There’s trouble in River City! When smooth-talking con man Harold Hill arrives in a small, tight-knit town in Iowa, he expects to dupe its residents with his elaborate moneymaking scheme: Despite his complete lack of musical literacy, he will convince everyone that he is a brilliant bandleader and recruit all the boys in town to form a band, pocketing the cash for instruments and uniforms. The problem? Some of the town members, especially the stern librarian, Marian Paroo, don’t quite buy Harold’s story. As Harold struggles to keep his scheme afloat, he also finds himself increasingly attached to the townspeople, who have all experienced a positive change since Harold came to town. Complicating matters even more, Harold is also falling head-over-heels for the beautiful Marian."

God I could go on about this one too, but keeping it brief:

Arthur as the con man Harold Hill selfish and prideful only to have a change of heart by forming genuine connections within the town.

Ludwig as the stern yet also hopeless romantic Marian. That despite knowing Arthur is a con man sees him grow and falls for him

"Goodnight My Someone / Seventy-Six Trombones (Double Reprise)" The two leads main songs coming together with them singing each other's half way through. God I just love thinking of GerEng for this scene so much! I think its so romantic to sing each other's themes to each other.

Also "Goodnight My Someone" on its own is very fitting for Ludwig. As is Marian's chacter as whole. Both are stern indivduals, refusing to take nonsense from anyone. They seem like a stick in the mud, perhaps a little cold, but both have a sweetness deep down, longing for connection. And "Goodnight My Someone" is when we first see this side of Marian.

"Marian the Librarian" Just the back and forth and tension in this song. Hill/Arthur is kind of a dick. Flirting, but really he's just playing a game at this point and bugging Marian/Ludwig at work when they're clearly aren't having it. It's another fun scene I like imagining GerEng. Especially since Arthur is really pushing his luck angering someone who could snap him like a toothpick he'd be into that let's be honest but that's not a discussion for this blog

Thank you anon for letting me combine my love of musical theatre and my love for Hetalia together! I encourage more questions like this actually so don't be scared guys!

#hetalia #gereng #engger #geruk #royal red bros #hws canada #hws england #hws america #hws germany #musical theatre

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giomagnetism · 1 year

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spencer emoji questions (: except i'm on desktop as always. lying, ghost, milky way, pencil, music note, books

emoji prompts

🤥 LYING — are they good liars? do they have tells to show they're lying?

Answered here!

👻 GHOST — do they believe in ghosts? what are their "ghostly experiences", if any?

augh. Okay, first of all, Spencer grew up with Shinto practices and beliefs, so that's her baseline. But I'm still not confident enough in my place of research with it to be more specific than that; and take this answer with a grain of salt, because it's bound to change. That said, Spencer's kind of halfway on the skeptic to believer scale; she believes in the supernatural, but will sooner check for a carbon monoxide leak than cry ghost. I want to say she'd believe more in broad forces rather than individual hauntings, by dint of personality—there's definitely more to reality than what we make of it, but in this day and age, anyone who says that's most likely trying to sell you something. She takes offense to the impracticality of it all. Don't you want to know the answer instead of obscuring it?

With that in mind, she doesn't interpret a lot of the weird things which have gone on at Grizzco as ghostly. Bad weather, strange noises, and tech malfunctions are par for the course; glimpses of things that aren't there get chalked up to exhaustion. But it does not escape her that it is a place all but built to manufacture lost and vengeful spirits—and, yeah. She's a little scared of it. She dreams of Shiloh as a dead man more often than she'd like to admit, and it takes her a very long time to forget that one late night spent in the building trying to track down their lost coworker.

🌌 MILKY WAY — what was the inspiration behind your oc? what was the first thing you decided about them?

If I had to pick one singular thing, the most memorable, it was definitely her infatuation for silver things. I remember wondering what kind of characterization I could imply with badges and a banner and went with the silver scheme from there. Then I was still stuck on the idea of a real jerk of a salmon runner, and naturally matching her with Shiloh, giving them both an excellent synergy and real hatred of one another. She was sarcastic, cutthroat, bitey, entitled, commanding, and stupid as fuck from the moment of conception. If that wasn't enough, even then she didn't actually want to be there—but, for various reasons, she didn't think she had a choice.

✏️ PENCIL — is there a particular quote / lyric that you associate with them?

Literally so many.

Maybe we will wake up singing. Maybe we will wake up to the silence of shoes at the foot of the bed not going anywhere. (dots everywhere, richard siken)

Before it happened, it was never going to happen. / After it happened, it was always going to happen. (against silence, frank bidart)

"Hotel" by headspace-hotel

Such a waste of a girl, such rumination. / I am obsessive. I contain nothing but the replay. / I am blood and blood and replay. I am please don't go. (i put the coffin out to sea, lisa marie basile)

There was a great difference, I said, between the things I wanted and the things that I could apparently have, and until I had finally and forever made my peace with that fact, I had decided to want nothing at all. (outline, rachel cusk)

Know that the desire to be perfect is probably the veiled expression of another desire—to be loved, perhaps, or not to die. (how to be perfect, ron padgett)

Last year I abstained / this year I devour / without guilt / which is also an art (you are happy, margaret atwood)

🎵 MUSIC NOTE — what is their playlist like? their favourite artists? do you associate a particular song with them?

Spencer's playlist's comprised of an hour and a half of songs that sound nothing alike and don't make any sense together. OK, that's hyperbole, but I do want to clean it up a bit more before I make it public; I'll list a few I'm biased toward.

buttercup — Hippo Campus

Waste — David Vertesi

Private Life — Oingo Boingo

I Am My Own Muse — Fall Out Boy

And just for fun, other stuff I like to imagine her band covering:

What the Hell — Avril Lavigne

good 4 u — Olivia Rodrigo

Call Me — Blondie

Killer Queen — Queen

Eventually I'll update her setlist tag with more, it's kind of a catch-all for music that reminds me of her.

📚 BOOKS — how were they at school? what is their best subject? what is their worst subject? do they have a favourite subject?

In most of her fellow students' view Spencer was that peak annoying overachieving teacher's pet with no personality beyond homework and fewer friends. She was a diligent, quiet student who didn't rustle feathers and put in rigorous work, much to the pleasure of her teachers... but she wasn't ever good at learning. Every high grade she got was a product of hours poured into homework, extra reading, and self-teaching—and especially of her parents' intense standards. No matter how much effort she put in, how much she pushed herself and memorized and stayed up late studying, she was always little more than average. She didn't have a favorite subject—she moved quite often and changed teachers frequently, and found the subject unimportant in comparison to how it was taught.

Language arts was her particular kryptonite, though; Spencer is not a woman built for metaphor and she finds both reading and writing more difficult than they're worth. She isn't illiterate, but doesn't think of writing as an art, and her attempts at it... leave something to be desired. Nor does her work as a lyricist shine with wordplay and mastery. Band would be an obvious answer for "best subject" but she was never actually taught it or music theory—it's the one thing she's managed to pick up under her own power. She's alright with numbers, and did fine with geometry though not so much with algebra... The one good memory she does have in education was an especially patient and hands-on geographies teacher, and that remains the one time she actually excelled in a subject.

#inbox #shadowsplice #a month later. your spencer questions monsieur #oc posting #oc spencer

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wavesbelow · 2 years

Text

CHAPTER ONE - SWIMMING POOL

NOTES

Doesn’t it bother you how nothing’s ever perfect?

Mary Love Haricot says it would ruin the story if we got to meet Body, but I beg to differ. Nay, I demand to differ. It would have been perfect. I’ve always wanted perfect very, very much and when I glimpse it only to be told it was a trick of the light I go a little crazy.

It’s a sin, you got it? I might use that word lightly every now and then, but here it is fucking appropriate. All those monsters and aliens and spirits and vampires and trolls and ETCETERA and she never brought back GG. ”Bringing a character back from the dead kills all stakes forever.” THEN MAYBE DON’T KILL OFF THE BEST CHARACTER BAR NONE!!

MLH is my savior. You’ll Never Know is my favorite book series, my favorite fiction, my favorite thing. I love Clara and Jamie and Ariel and all of the Tea Cupcakes. A masterclass in character work, so real you can touch them, yes yes, I agree. It’s just. They’re… sweet.

The BlueBerry Five are fucking degenerates.

It should have been them. I will write them.

…And I actually totally agree with MLH on the topic of resurrections, so here’s my fanfic about GG, my best girl, who was only ever mostly dead.

Also, I’m taking it to the seaside.

WAVES BELOW

CHAPTER ONE - SWIMMING POOL

I sit on the edge of a swimming pool, burning computer perched on my bare legs. You realize how close my electronic device is to the water. Freaks me out. I feel alive.

That’s a funny sentence if you know my situation.

When I dive into the water my sight is confused. I can see ripples from my body and I can see the complete stillness as I move nothing. I can’t make this post very long, the computer is losing form as I write, as I incessantly touch it with my fingertips.

To help this tome of a laptop last longer, I’ve practiced quick and light typing. At first I would consistently fail at getting all the letters into a word, too swift and airy for one of these keyboards. I learned. Now I believe I am the most ballet dance-ey of all the keyboard tappers. (I know we are many, we are all.)

The keys I get down all over are very old, the markings for all of the letters and all of the numbers have been worn down and away. Keys where remnants of markings remain, a comprehensive list:

-§

-the down arrow (we never go down)

Wouldn’t it have been funny if just the one letter still had its marking? All markings gone from all keys, but the F key was pristine? That would’ve been appreciated by me. But alas, it is not so.

Maybe I should just write it in myself with a permanent marker, or put a little sticker. Whoa, hold your horses, honey, it’s gonna have to be the marker. Only the day before yesterday did I finally manage to push a pen about a centimeter to the left. My latest and greatest trick. One of very few tricks. It’s been a month. It’s great that this old HP is white and hence can accommodate my permanent marking aspirations. But it’s been over a month. I will put ’FF’ on my key. Find me, asshole.

One day I did nothing but draw in the sand. I drew a whole big castle. Then I looked at it with my specter eyes and saw double as I do. My intricate castle no footprint could touch, and the sand that could only, of course, be altered by forces not me. Forces such as you in your Ugg boot, AA. Right on my castle gate. It was a good castle gate, too. I’d drawn cute vertical lines to illustrate wooden boards.

It was good to see you. I hadn’t been expecting you.

By then I needed to get away from the ocean. It angers me, what I’ve forgotten, but some things I don’t need to remember to know.

A swimming pool can’t see you.

I will now explain that I was at least three steps ahead of them all. You should always be three steps ahead of them all. So, well done me! I’m not dead, I’m just not very corporeal. There was stabbing. I woke up on the beach a week later. No stab wounds, no life, and I could dive forever.

My funeral had come and gone.

I don’t know how anyone would find this obsolete website or if it works at all, but if you do, look into who cried at my funeral and present your findings in a top ten-list from least to most water of the eye produced. My money’s on DD. Or LL. Y’all better have cried like motherfuckers.

I want FF and I want my mom and I want my BlueBerry Babies. This old computer is almost wholly translucent now. It’s getting hard to see. Sometimes I hope I’m not dead.

You’re not going to find this, are you?

GG is for Ghost Girl.

END NOTES

What’s fun? My rules:

-Canon compliant. I make no changes. I make more, and I puzzle. (Sounds hard :( sounds fun:))

-Different setting: seaside.

-This is a weekly thing (Hold me. Accountable)

-I’m not Mary Love Haricot. I’m just some girl who can do what the fuck she wants. (This rule isn’t for me, it’s for you.)

And I will do what the fuck I want.

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heliads · 3 years

Text

Second Best

Based on this request: “a Zoya Nazyalensky story where she and the reader are friends and one night they get into a fight and Zoya confesses her love?”

masterlist

The task before you is simple. All you have to do is use your abilities as a Grisha Squaller to pick up the metal spear before you and launch it across a clearing into the awaiting target. It’s almost offensively easy, something you’ve been training to do since you arrived at the Little Palace all those years ago. It’s very simple, although the fact that you’re now next in line to complete the task makes it seem strangely harder.

However, the eyes of the rest of the Squallers are upon you, so you can’t exactly back down now. You step forward, lifting your hands in the traditional gestures used by the Etherealki whenever they have it in their minds to do something particularly interesting, and the spear lifts before you. You let it hover there, suspended in the air for a second, and then you fling your hands forward, palms facing the target. The spear flies in unison with your movement, burying itself halfway through its length in the target. It’s almost a perfect shot, maybe off by a hair’s breadth. You breathe a quiet sigh of relief.

You can hear applause from behind you, the usual aura of surprise that comes with the feat you’ve just accomplished. With a casual gesture of your fingers, the spear yanks itself out of the target, with only a few sparse pieces of straw falling to the ground as any sort of damage. Well, that and the gaping hole in the center of the target, although that is quickly mended by the Fabrikator kept on hand. You can’t help but grin to yourself as the spear returns to your hand. Let’s see anyone else match that.

You may have spoken a little too soon- seconds after you’ve returned the spear to its awaiting position near the front of the courtyard, it’s hurled again through the air, shooting with the precision of an arrow to land in the direct center of the target. You thought it might be impossible to improve upon the slight difference in your shot, but this latest Squaller has managed it with ease.

Normally, any other blue-garbed Etherealki would be looking around in horror and dismay, upset as to what would cost them the first place spot in the class and curious as to who could land a perfect shot such as that. You, however, are somewhat used to this now, and just keep walking with a grin. You can hear footsteps approaching behind you, and don’t even have to turn around to acknowledge the girl now matching your strides.

“Nice one, Zoya.” The girl beside you smirks. “I should hope so. If I so much as missed the center by a hair, you wouldn’t let me forget it for a week.” You laugh. “Of course not. How could I let go of the chance to not tease Zoya’Best In Class’ Nazyalensky? It would practically be a crime.” Zoya nods, pretending to be serious. “Absolutely. The Saints might invoke their wrath upon you if you didn’t act upon such an opportunity.” You fling your hand over your heart dramatically. “Here lies Y/N L/N, dead after the Saints wanted to see her make fun of her friend and she let them down.”

Zoya snorts graciously as you pretend to faint on her, shoving your mock limp body aside. “Oh, you consider us friends?” You catch yourself easily, rolling your eyes. “Zoya dear, I know it would bring you no greater pleasure in the world to consider yourself a lone wolf, forever at the front of the pack, but I thought you’d realized by now that you simply can’t get rid of me. We’re friends.”

You can hear Zoya grumbling, but when you glance over at her, there’s an ill-concealed smile dancing behind her eyes. “That’s an interesting way to convince people to like you, annoy them and make sure you don’t ever leave you alone.” You raise an eyebrow at her. “And did it work, yes or no?” Zoya huffs. “It did, but we’re not talking about that.” You grin. “Of course we’re not.”

You pause by the halls of the Little Palace, ready to part ways as usual. Although the Etherealki and Squallers specifically all have their quarters around the same area, Zoya’s rooms are a ways away from your own. This is typically where you split up, where you go your way and Zoya returns to her own devices, where she’ll most likely plot how to take control of the next lesson and prove herself the best of the students yet again.

However, Zoya shakes her head, continuing to walk next to you. “There are too many people waiting by my doors. I’m staying in yours instead, if that’s alright.” You nod, unable to keep a teasing grin from your face. “Of course it’s alright. It must be so hard, having to deal with suitors and fans so often. I imagine it to be simply exhausting.” You’re expecting Zoya’s vexed scowl and smack on the arm, so you’re able to duck out of the range of both.

This is how it is to be close friends with Zoya Nazyalensky, after all. You laugh with her, develop a thick enough skin to stand the constant scathing remarks that must of course be exchanged, and do your best to keep up with the neverending flow of power and possibility that always seems to come her way. That’s how it has always been, and how it will always be.

It’s not that you mind this, of course. You learned early on that no matter how hard you try, she’s always going to come in first in the class competitions and Grisha displays of strength. Being second out of so many Etherealki is pretty damn good for you, and you can tell that there’s a slight sigh of relief in Zoya’s eyes when you never seem to mind her showing off or ruining what might have been a first place finish for you. Hey- you never came to the Little Palace to always be the best, you came to learn and laugh, and you do that with Zoya. You would never trade what you have with her for fierce competition, even if it meant that you’d start besting her in contests.

This isn’t to say that you wouldn’t change slight aspects of your friendship, of course. For some reason, your heart decided to join the scores of other Grisha and even otkazat’sya that were foolish enough to fall in love with Zoya, and you’re just as hopeless as the rest. It’s just the way that she laughs when she wins, the glimmer of competition and spirit in everything she does, the undeniable thrill in your chest whenever you spot the familiar blue-clad silhouette heading briskly your way. No, you don’t think there was ever a way that you wouldn’t fall under her spell, even if you tried your hardest to fight it.

You could have told her you loved her, you think. You could have mentioned it to Zoya at any point, but you don’t. You’ve seen the way she watches potential friends for their weaknesses, having to always second-guess why they’re talking to her. Is this latest Corporalki approaching her because he truly wants to be her friend, or is it because he instead desires the secrets of her skill in Grisha abilities or as another girl in his bed? For anyone else, you think the constant doubts would drive someone mad, but it doesn’t for Zoya. She’s able to tuck it inside herself, bury it until you wouldn’t even know it was there at all.

She told you once, when the night was dark and long and Zoya couldn’t stop herself from having slightly too much kvas after a hard mission, that she sometimes terrifies herself over the fact that she might always be alone. You can still picture her there, curled up in a chair by your fire, the haunted look in her eyes. You know something happened before she came to the Little Palace, something that made her never trust another soul unless they worked to prove it, but it’s hovering in the back of her mind right now.

So, you nodded at her, and gave her another one of your sapphire blankets to help the way that she won’t stop shivering, and you listen. When Zoya looks up at you again, as if expecting to leave like the others or at least shoo her from your rooms, you simply offer for her to stay the night and not have to go back to her empty quarters. You think that was the moment when she finally accepted that you weren’t going away, when she really started to trust you.

This is precisely why you cannot say a word about how you feel- if Zoya finds out, she’ll begin to wonder if your entire friendship was just borne of a lie, the same as any of the other heartstruck Etherealki who think themselves brave enough to tame Zoya. So, you make sure to direct your lingering glances towards the woods and the scenery around you instead of her, and you force a joking smile instead of a soft look. She would know what you meant if you didn’t hide your heart, so you must do your best to deceive her.

You’ve arrived in your rooms by now, tossing your outer coats to the side and warming your hands by the fire in the corner. You talk for a while about the class and the other students and the way Marie won’t stop staring at Sergei, a Corpoalki who she most certainly should not be associated with. Zoya stays until the candles burn low, and then she says goodbye with a smile. You return her smile. You always do.

You have a most interesting conversation over the next week. It’s not with Zoya, as it turns out, but General Kirigan. Truth be told, you weren’t expecting it at all. He’d caught you unawares in the library one night, while you were studying the particulars of the making at the heart of the world for a class lecture the next day. He hadn’t been there one second yet appeared the next, looming over your book with a shadow that seemed too tall and menacing to be real.

You had looked up in surprise, but he held up a hand, quelling any doubts that you’d accidentally done something wrong. He spoke to you about a regiment of Grisha in one of the backwater towns, some part of the Second Army that was asking for far too many supplies in exchange for the lackluster job they were doing to protect the potential Grisha in the city. For some reason, he asked your opinion of what to do about them, and you gave it. He thanked you with a smile, then left.

This happened twice more. All three times, he showed up, talked with you for a little bit, and asked a question on what you thought of a particular issue. Sometimes, it was still with the Second Army, and sometimes it was with the opportunities presented to the Grisha at the Little Palace itself. He seemed intrigued to hear what classes were like, saying how he had heard you were one of the best Squallers there were. You had smiled at that, and his eyes had glinted like a hound about to take down his prey.

That was the third visit, the most recent visit. You’re walking back to your quarters now, unable to keep a slight grin from your face. This is it, isn’t it? This is how you make your way from the classrooms of the Little Palace to the battlefield, to a real chance to do something different. When you open your doors, Zoya is propped up in an armchair inside, although this does not surprise you. You’ve long since given her free reign of all that is yours.

She looks up at you, a question already bubbling up in her inquisitive glance. “What’s got you so excited?” She’s never been able to miss a detail, has she? You can’t seem to tuck your smile away. “I’ve been speaking to General Kirigan, three times now. I think he might be on the verge of offering me a job in the Second Army.” You’re not entirely sure what you were expecting from Zoya- an expression of surprise, maybe some congratulatory words. Whatever you thought might happen, you were certainly not expecting her to stand up, face twisted in something that looked almost like fear and anger.

“You can’t do that. You should avoid him as much as possible.” Your feet stall from where you’d been crossing the room to her. “What are you talking about?” Zoya shakes her head, almost manic. “You should stay away from him. What did he tell you?” This, coming from your closest friend when you’d been so excited, is enough to make your happiness start to leach from you, replaced by a cold bewilderment and betrayal. “What does it matter? Zoya, this could be my future.”

Zoya seems unwilling to hear you out. “Tell me what he said, Y/N. You can’t trust a word he says.” You scoff. “I’m not a fool, Zoya. I know what he said, and none of it was a trick. He spoke to me like a friend, and last time he talked to me about potential openings within the Grisha ranks. I could have a position. Isn’t that excellent?” Zoya shakes her head once more. “It’s a trick. He won’t give you anything. Don’t tell me you’re actually going to believe what he says?”

You draw back from her now, all traces of excitement gone from you. “Why are you saying this? Maybe I don’t know if he truly means it or not, but you don’t know anything about this. Saints, I thought you might actually be happy for me.” Zoya almost winces at that. “I’m not- I would be happy for you if I thought this was something real, Y/N, but it’s not. Nothing is with him.” You can feel yourself rising up in anger. “Oh, and you would know about that, wouldn’t you? From all of the time you spent with him? Are you truly doubtful, Zoya, or do you just not want me to be involved with him because you don’t want me to have anything that you hadn’t had first?”

The words are coming out faster now, one after the other. Truth be told, it’s almost good to hear them aloud after so long keeping them inside. “I never had a problem with you being first in class, first in everything. I never will, but I assumed that you would extend that same courtesy to me. Why is it that we’re friends in everything, but the second I seem to get some sort of headway, you have to prove it wrong? Can’t I have anything that isn’t yours already?”

Zoya draws back as if you’ve slapped her. “That’s not how I feel. I’m just trying to keep you safe.” You want to laugh. “This is how you keep me safe? By taking everything away from me until I’m only in your shadow and nowhere else?” Zoya flings her hands in the air. “If it means he doesn’t get his hooks in you, yes! I would rather have you stay here forever than lose you.” You look at her, unbelieving. “And why is that? Because we’re such good friends that you’d trade my future for my complacency?”

Zoya’s voice is soft now, barely there at all. “Because I cannot stand to lose you. Because I love you, Saints damn it, and I’d rather have you hate me than never have you at all.” You stand there for a second, then another, then another. Your breath is sharp and harsh in your chest, but you cannot seem to say a single word. You try for a few, anyway. “You love me?” She nods once. “Yes.”

You do laugh now, incredulous. “Why didn’t you say so, you idiot? I love you too.” She looks almost surprised. “I thought- I thought you just wanted to be friends.” You shrug. All of your anger is receding away from you now, washing back into the banks after a flood. “I did, because I thought that’s all you wanted. I didn’t want to make it seem like I was only your friend because I had feelings for you.” Zoya stands there for a moment, then something almost like a sigh comes from her and she steps forward, wrapping her arms around you. “You generous, impossible fool. I can’t stand you.” You laugh, returning her embrace. “Of course not. You love me.”

requested by @villnella

grishaverse tag list: someone who would be my squaller bestie @underc0vercryptid, @darlinggbrekker, @cameronsails, @aleksanderwh0r3

#zoya nazyalensky #zoya nazyalensky imagines #zoya nazyalensky x reader #zoya nazyalensky oneshot #grishaverse #shadow and bone #grishaverse imagines #shadow and bone imagines #grishaverse oneshot #shadow and bone oneshot #sab #sab imagines #sab oneshot #zoya #zoya imagines #zoya x reader #zoya oneshot

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lucyintheskywithxanax · 3 years

Text

At 11:08pm In The Music Room, I Was Saved (Part 2)

Pairing: Wilhemina Venable x Fem Reader

Part 1

A/N: second and last part, lovelies. Thank you again anon for this prompt (I may have, once again, deviated from your original idea bear with me), and thank you @venablemayfairgoode for helping me figure out the end (tw: the death of a dog is mentioned :))))))) ). As always, English isn’t my first language. x

Word count: ≈ 7 000

You were so fucking pissed. Also, you couldn’t stop crying. The world had ended on a beautiful late spring afternoon and now, for some reason, you were trapped in a gloomy building with people you didn’t know and the woman who had broken your heart bossing you around.

And the worst was, you had been so relieved to know she had survived. And you shouldn’t have. But the tears you had cried on the plane to Outpost 3 had not only been for your family and friends; they had also been for her. They had mostly been for her. And you hated yourself because of that.

She looked different. Her clothes were darker, her hair was darker, her eyes were darker and they were glazed. They looked as if they were made of stone. Tourmaline maybe. Something bad must have happened to her, but you decided you didn’t care. Bad things had happened to you, too, and one of them she had caused.

“There’s been a mistake,” she said, voice very deep and very slow. “You shouldn’t be here.”

“I don’t want to be here,” you sobbed.

“You were assigned at Outpost 2.”

You were so mad at her. Had she done this? Ripped you from your family and sent you to this dark place to spend the rest of your life consumed by grief and guilt and hatred? She couldn’t have done this, she wouldn’t have done this but then again and was that panic in her eyes? It was gone before you had time to take a good look at it, but you knew her. You knew how to read her.

“Why are you here?” she asked, as if you had chosen to, as if it had been your decision.

“Because some rude guys barged into my flat and shoved me into a plane,” you sobbed, wiping your nose on the back of your hand. “I don’t want to be here,” you repeated.

“You should’ve been sent to Outpost 2,” she said. She was trying so hard to hide the confusion from her face, but you saw it, and you saw that flash in her eyes again and it was panic.

Suddenly it hit you: how could she know where you should have been sent? How could she –

“Did you…” It was hard to speak. Your throat was too tight. Your eyes widened with horror, and hers hardened. “Are you the reason why I’m here?”

You were vaguely aware that everyone else in the room was staring at you and Wilhemina. You should have felt ill-at-ease, should have felt shy. But all you could feel was anger.

“I don’t want to be here!” you cried again, but this time it was fierce. This time it was a cry of rage.

Wilhemina tapped her cane on the ground. The sound echoed off the walls.

“Better sad than dead,” she said coldly. And then she proceeded to ignore you as she explained the house rules.

You barely heard what she said. You were burning, and you couldn’t stop your tears from falling. This was not happening. You were in a dream. You would wake up and everything would be alright. You would count to ten and the nightmare would end.

You counted to ten. It didn’t end.

What you did hear of Wilhemina’s speech sounded ridiculous. No technology? No sex? Death punishment for intimacy? People basically being your slaves? Her eyes were too cold. They were glazed. This wasn’t the Wilhemina you knew. The Wilhemina you knew had used cruelty for protection. This one used cruelty for fun.

A few people protested, but the protests didn’t last long. This Wilhemina was just as scary as the one you knew.

And then she was leaving, to the sound of her cane, every tap a stab to your heart. A Grey led you to your room and you collapsed on your bed, hugged your pillow, and cried.

The next few days you didn’t leave your room often. You felt so empty. You spent most of your time lying on your bed and grieving the people you had lost. You got up for lunch and dinner. Sat at the table and stared at your plate as the others tried to make small talk. The food cube had no taste. It felt like jelly in your mouth. You hated it. You hated having to swallow it. You hated how it never soothed the hunger in your stomach.

You sat on the left side of the table. Wilhemina sat at the head of it. The light from the candles would glint off your food cube and fork. Coco sat on your left, a girl named Mary on your right. Coco would do most of the talking. Complaining, really. Sometimes – but only sometimes – you would glance in Wilhemina’s direction. Once or twice, she met your eyes. Hers were cold and like a black hole.

After the first week your tears finally subsided. You spent more time in the music room with the others, playing board games, reading, talking. Coco was a bitch, but she made you laugh, and you soon befriended the girl named Mary. She was about your age, was very shy and didn’t speak often. She kept in her pocket a photo of the dog she had owned and loved more than anything else, a small, sweet thing with big black eyes named Sam.

You didn’t know how Wilhemina spent her days. You barely ever saw her. You could forget her, you thought, if you didn’t dream of her every night. You would forget her if only your stupid heart would stop skipping a beat and break into a gallop every time you heard the familiar sound of her cane, letting you know she was coming, she was coming! in a second you would see her and be near her and hear her voice. You would forget her if she wasn’t your first thought every damn morning when you woke up. If when she was near you, you didn’t feel like you were burning and suddenly became aware of every single sound that was her, the rustle of her dress, her breathing, her heart beating, her eyelashes fluttering, everything.

You barely ever saw her, but when you did, time stopped, and it lasted forever.

You fell into a routine. Aimless, dreary. Getting out of bed every morning. Eating your food cube. Making small talk with the other residents. A teary-eyed Mary showing you her picture of Sam. Trying not to think, not to remember. It went on like this for a week and a half, until two Greys were found having sex and were sentenced to death.

It was Mary who told you the news, just before dinner. At first you thought she was joking. But then every soul at the Outpost was talking about it and even Coco seemed scared.

You didn’t know the Grey girl, but you had spoken to the boy once or twice. His name was Mark. He smiled at you every time you would meet him in a corridor.

You ate your food cube in complete silence and shock. When dinner was over, when Wilhemina stood up and walked off, you didn’t think. You stood up, too, and followed her.

She didn’t become aware of your presence until she was halfway down the corridor to her room. You saw her slow down, come to a halt. She tapped her cane on the floor, then turned on her heel.

Time slowed down. You noticed every detail, even the smallest ones. The way the candlelight glided over her cheekbones as she turned. You were still so attuned to her, every inch of her.

You stopped breathing as her eyes locked with yours. And it would have been so easy, to take a step forward, to wrap your arms around her waist, to pull her close and go back home. It seemed her eyes were pleading you to do just that.

But then she blinked, and her eyes turned cold. Glazed. Tourmaline. You felt your body stiffen.

“May I speak to you?” you asked, almost a hiss. Then you added, “Ms Venable.”

She narrowed her eyes slightly at you, raised her chin. “I do not care to hear what you have to say,” she said coldly.

You took a step forward and snarled, “I will say it. You can either listen to me here, or in your room. Office. Whatever.”

Her nostrils flared, and for a second you thought she was going to slap you. You had seen her slap some of the other residents who had dared question her rules. That was one of the things the new Wilhemina had no problem doing.

But she merely nodded, almost imperceptibly, and led you to her room.

You tried not to look. At the bed, perfectly made, at the pillow where she laid her head every night. At the vanity where she did her hair and make-up every morning. All the small rituals you knew so well.

It hurt. Merely standing there in her room felt like someone was crushing your heart between cold fingers.

You came to a halt in the middle of the room and tried to swallow past the lump in your throat. Wilhemina stopped in front of you, rested both her hands on the head of her cane.

How did she look so different? Why was her face so hard and so cold? She reminded you of the ancient statues of Greek or Italian gods. The powerful, lifeless stare. The dangerous power. How she could destroy you – how she had destroyed you – with one word or one tap of her cane on the floor.

You searched her face for the light, for the fear, for the love, the shyness and the boldness, the desire to be completely, truly seen and loved. You found nothing.

“Well?” she asked, annoyed, after a while.

You cleared your throat. “I heard you’re gonna have Mark and that Grey girl executed tomorrow morning.”

“You heard right,” she mocked.

You cleared your throat again. Your right hand twitched at your side. “Why?”

She made an annoyed noise. “You know why. They didn’t follow the rules. They put their own little disgusting needs first and compromised the group. We cannot have more mouths to feed.”

“Disgusting needs,” you repeated automatically. You took one step towards her and raised your head defiantly. “I don’t remember you calling sex ‘disgusting’ when we were doing it.”

Something flashed in her eyes. Something that almost looked familiar.

“Don’t be crude,” she hissed.

“You cannot have those two Greys killed,” you went on, ignoring her. “That’s murder, Wilhemina.”

Her name dropped from your mouth before you had time to think. You paused. She didn’t react.

“I know you’re better than that,” you added, taking another step towards her. Closer. You wanted to reach out and touch her. It seemed to you she was leaning forward, forward – towards you. It seemed to you her eyes flicked to your lips.

How you had missed her. How you missed her still. How you wanted to grab her by the shoulders and shake her and demand an explanation as to why she had destroyed your world, stolen all the stars from your night sky. How had she dared, who did she think she was, and what had happened to her that had stolen all the light from her eyes?

“For God’s sake, Wilhemina,” you cried when still she didn’t react, didn’t speak, didn’t move, “you can’t kill two people for being in love!”

“Why not?”she hissed, low and dangerous, like a snake.”What’s so special about love?”

“You know what’s so special about love. You felt it.” A pause. “And don’t tell me you didn’t. You may think you were good at hiding your feelings, but you weren’t.”

Wilhemina’s gaze hardened. “Those two Greys will die tomorrow at dawn,” she answered emotionlessly.

You raised your hands in frustration. “What’s wrong with you?” you cried. Again, she didn’t react. Her silence only fueled your anger. “If you do that,” you went on, gritting your teeth to stop yourself from yelling the words, “if you have them killed, you’ll be walking down a path I cannot follow you on.” You gave a mirthless laugh. “But I guess you don’t care. Who am I kidding? You don’t want to have anything to do with me anymore. You made that clear months ago. But ask yourself this question, Wilhemina: will you be able to sleep knowing you’ve killed two innocent people?”

Oh, she would. Without a doubt she would. She knew it and you knew it and you saw it on her face. Yours turned sickly pale.

“Okay,” you mumbled, lowering your head in defeat. “Okay. I – you know what, I –“ You met her eyes again. “I don’t even know how I could fall in love with you in the first place.”

She swallowed, but her face remained blank. But that familiar something flashed in her eyes again, something sad, that looked almost like the Wilhemina she used to be.

You knew confronting her would likely make her shut down. You knew that. But you were only human, for God’s sake, and you had been hurt and betrayed and it was a well-known fact, that anger was stronger than Man.

So you took yet another step towards her and clenched your fists.

“I have questions,” you growled, “and you’re going to answer them. Why am I here? What made you think you could dump me with no explanation? Did you even love me, or was it all a game to you?”

By the end of your little outburst you were breathless, and Wilhemina, the Wilhemina you had tried to reach and caught a glimpse of, had been roughly locked away.

“Say one more word,” she enunciated, glazed, empty eyes staring right into yours,” and I’ll have you arrested and whipped every day until you meet your pitiful end.”

You opened your mouth, but she cut you off. “Don’t forget who you are, Y/N. I’m the only one who has authority here. If you question me or my rules again, I’ll make sure that insolent tongue of yours is nicely severed from the rest of your body. And don’t think I won’t enjoy watching.”

Your whole body was shaking. But it wasn’t with fear. It was with rage, and with something else you didn’t like at all, for that something else was love. Love that was terrified and aching because this wasn’t her, this wasn’t right, and part of you desperately wanted to make it right again.

Someone knocked on the door. Your eyes widened.

Don’t, you screamed at Wilhemina in your head. Ignore whoever it is. Talk to me. Let me in, let me help you, let me –

“Yes?” Wilhemina called.

The door opened, and Mary shyly stepped into the room. “I, um, I’m sorry to bother you,” she said in her sweet, low voice. “But, um, Y/N, I need your help with something.”

“Can’t it wait?” you asked her, your gaze not leaving Wilhemina’s face, your voice shaking, your body shaking with rage and love and ache.

“Obviously it cannot,” Wilhemina answered, eyes boring into you. “Or else little Mary wouldn’t have been brave enough to push that door open.”

Mary shot her a scared glance and immediately lowered her eyes again.

Send her off, you begged Wilhemina. Make me stay.

Her gaze was too intense, it was too cold, too dark. You lowered your head and turned to Mary.

“I lied,” Mary whispered once she had closed the door behind you two. She glanced up at you with a smile. “I don’t need your help with anything. I just thought I should come and rescue you.”

You swallowed. Your body was still shaking, and you couldn’t unclench your fists. “Right.”

“I heard her threaten you. Are you alright?”

“I’m fine,” you retorted sharply.

Wilhemina wouldn’t hurt you, you thought. She had only tried to scare you, to push you away. She would never carry out her threat.

But then again. You didn’t know what this new Wilhemina was capable of. Fear vaguely sang in your chest. Maybe she had meant every word.

“If there’s anything I can do to help you,” Mary was saying, “please tell me. I’ll be happy to listen.”

You thanked her, told her you wanted to be alone, and went to your room.

Wilhemina had decided the execution would be public to set an example. All the residents of Outpost 3 gathered in the music room and the two Greys who were to die were ordered to sit down on their knees in the middle of the room. They were both crying. Pathetic. Weak. Wilhemina looked down on them and smiled to herself.

A guard walked in with a gun. The Grey boy whimpered.

Someone – the hairdresser – mumbled something, a protest probably, but he was too scared to say it loudly. The old lady who had once been a star nodded at Wilhemina and gave her a smile and a thumbs up. Wilhemina ignored her.

You were standing in front of her slightly on her left, by Mary’s side. Wilhemina was trying not to pay you attention, but somehow you were the only person she could see.

You spent an awful lot of time with Mary, she had noticed. Laughing together, talking together, napping together. Good thing for you. Mary was just the type of person who would treat you right. She’d be kind, and happy, and healthy, and enough.

The Grey boy said something, pleaded for his life, probably. Wilhemina didn’t care. She didn’t listen. She nodded to the guard, and he crossed to him, holding the gun in front of him.

Wilhemina saw Mary grab your hand, saw you touch your shoulder to hers. Oh, you would be alright.

She didn’t know why, but her eyes had started to sting. Her hands were shaking. She willed them not to. They would not stop.

The guard raised his gun, pointed it at the Grey boy’s head, but Wilhemina didn’t see him, not really. She saw you turn your head and look at her, your eyes glossy and pleading, your hand holding Mary’s, and Wilhemina took a sharp intake of breath and felt tears pool in her eyes for she had loved and loved you and she had lost you. And now she was losing you again.

But she couldn’t go back, not now. She would lose her authority, she would be laughed at. And besides, she didn’t want to. This execution was the right thing to do. It would make everyone at the Outpost fear and respect her. They would bow their heads to her and they would hate her but they would never, never laugh at her.

There was a low but fierce shout, “Stop!” Your voice.

The guard lowered his arm slightly. He looked at you, confused, then at Wilhemina, awaiting orders. You stepped forward, letting go of Mary’s hand, came to a halt as if you weren’t sure what to do. A second passed. Then you crossed to Wilhemina, cupped her face in your hands, searched her eyes and murmured, “I love you.”

Something inside of her melted. The warmth from your touch and the warmth from your voice seeped into her and turned ice into water. The water washed down everything and left her insides dripping wet and glinting in the sun like after a hurricane.

You had spoken too low for the others to hear, but they saw the change on Wilhemina’s face. They saw her eyes widen and the light weave in as if she had opened a blind to let the sun in. They saw life and emotion settle back on her face and soften it.

For the first time since the world had ended, since you had walked into this music room sobbing and looked up and met Wilhemina’s eyes, you found her again. And you fell in love with her all over again.

You tried to give her a smile, and it was small and quivering, but it was genuine. It was fond. Wilhemina’s lips parted on a breath as she searched your eyes, wondering, hoping, and when she blinked a tear rolled down her cheek and you caught it with your thumb. You were crying, too, but you smiled again, stroke her cheek. You felt the tension leave your shoulders.

The gunshot echoed off the walls as loud as a crack of thunder. It made everyone in the room jump. The Grey girl screamed as Mark slumped onto the floor at the guard’s feet. The guard moved his hand, pointed his gun at the girl and pulled the trigger.

The second gunshot was louder, somehow. It deafened you and left a ringing in your ears. Your hands fell from Wilhemina’s face as you both turned to stare at the two corpses. Blood slowly pooled around them and shone faintly in the candlelight.

The guard met your horrified gaze and shrugged. “Following orders,” he said nonchalantly. “It was taking too long.”

Wilhemina was staring down at the two dead bodies with an unreadable expression on her face. Then she looked up at the guard, and her eyes were glazed again.

“I didn’t order you to shoot,” she said coldly.

“You did,” the guard argued.

“She told you to stop,” Wilhemina said, nodding at you, her voice growing angry now.

The guard shrugged again. “I only take my orders from you.” He raised his gun and held it to his chest, a defiant look in his eyes.

Someone in the room was crying softly. You didn’t know who. Your mind had gone numb.

Wilhemina turned away from you. Slowly, regally, she walked to the corpses, her dark, glazed eyes fixed on the boy’s head. She stopped in front of him and tapped her cane on the ground. Then she gave orders to carry the corpses outside and burn them.

Dinner was silent that night. You swallowed your food cube and drank your water. You couldn’t look at Wilhemina. Coco tried to diffuse the tension with a few sly remarks that made some of the residents laugh nervously. When dinner was over, you excused yourself and went to your room.

You lay on your bed and prayed for sleep, but sleep, unsurprisingly, didn’t come. You turned and turned until you gave up. You sat up with a groan and buried your face in your hands.

Blood, slowly pooling. The two bodies, not moving. Wilhemina’s eyes, widening. A tear rolling down her face, that you caught with your thumb. You couldn’t chase those images from your mind.

It hadn’t been her fault, not really, you told yourself. She would have spared them in the end. You knew it. Without a doubt.

You buried your fingers in your hair, dug your nails into your skull. She would have spared them, for the Wilhemina you knew had come back, if only for a few seconds – and she had been hopeful, and you had been, too.

And you knew you should still be mad, you knew it was too early to forgive her. But you were ready to surrender and fall back into her arms the second she’d want you back. If she ever decided she wanted you back.

There was a whisper, in your head, that assured you she did.

At 11:00pm you gave up on trying to sleep. You got up and went to the music room, hoping someone would be there and would like to talk to help you pass the time. Maybe Coco, for she would make you laugh. Or Mary, for her kindness would soothe you.

There was only one person, and it was Wilhemina. Your heart skipped a beat at the sight of her. You thought it was because of annoyance, or disappointment maybe. Bullshit, your heart told you. She had been the one you had wanted to find.

Wilhemina was sitting in an armchair, her hands resting on the head of her cane, her eyes fixed on the fire. She raised her head when she heard your footsteps, and met your eyes.

“What are you still doing up?” she asked, not unkindly.

“There’s no curfew I know of,” you replied, probably too sharply, but Wilhemina didn’t seem to mind. She nodded, then resumed her staring at the fire.

For a minute you hesitated. Going back to your room was the wisest and safest option. But before you had consciously taken your decision, your feet moved towards Wilhemina. A moth drawn to a flame. Always, when it came to her.

You sat on the armchair opposite the hearth from her. For a long moment there was only silence. The fire crackled lazily and warmed you up.

You glanced up at Wilhemina, only to realize she was staring at you. You quickly lowered your gaze, nervously shifted in your armchair, then glanced at her again.

The expression on her face wasn’t closed, you noticed. There was a wistfulness to it, some sprinkles of curiosity, too. You felt hopeful again.

“So,” you said, assuming a casual tone as if you two were having a friendly conversation in a bar, “what’s your plan in the long run?”

Wilhemina watched you for a few seconds before she answered. Her voice was emotionless. “The Cooperative should contact me soon enough with new instructions.”

That’s not what you had meant. You had meant about her and you. But you let it drop.

“So you’re still following orders, uh?” you taunted. “I thought you were the only boss around here.”

“This is bigger than this outpost,” Wilhemina replied coldly. “This is about building a new, better world, where everyone is at their rightful place according to their worth and abilities.”

“What is my rightful place in this new world, do you think?” You waited, but no answer came.”What is yours?” you tried again. “Let me guess. You are the feared, hated leader. Making sure everyone respects you, making sure everyone survives. Noble work, but it sounds awfully lonely. Wouldn’t you rather fall asleep in somebody’s arms every night?”

Wilhemina’s expression hardened. She kept silent, which surprised you, and averted her eyes from your face to stare at the fire again.

You watched her. You watched the shadows the flames threw on her face. Followed the arch of her brow, the line of her mouth.

Had she done something to her hair, or was it the dim light? It was darker now. She had let you dye it once when you two had been dating. You had frowned at the smell and coughed and splashed the walls with tiny dots of orange. Wilhemina had tried to scold you, but she had burst into laughter instead, her hair piled on top of her head. She had let you wipe the dye splatters from her face and tuck her hair in a shower cap. And while the dye processed, she had sat on the couch reading and you had rested your head on her lap and grinned at her.

Wilhemina cleared her throat, bringing you back to reality.

“What you said earlier, did you really mean it?” she asked in a low voice, still staring at the fire. “Or were you only trying to save the Greys?”

You leaned forward, digging your elbows into your thighs. “I’ll answer that once you’ve answered my own question. Why did you leave me?”

A pause. An annoyed look.

“Because I felt like it,” Wilhemina replied.

Your jaw dropped. “Wow. Because you felt like it?” You shook your head, anger rising in your chest. “I don’t believe you. I’ll ask it again. Why did you leave me?”

Wilhemina’s eyes narrowed. “I’ve just told you why. It’s not my fault you’re too proud to accept it.”

“Why did you leave me?” you repeated, clenching your fists.

Wilhemina made an angry noise. She tapped her cane on the floor, then slowly stood up. You jumped on your feet and followed her when she crossed the room and turned right down a corridor.

“Did you wake up one morning and realize you didn’t love me?” you called, as she opened the door to her room. You stepped inside after her. “You’d had your fun, but now it was time to plan the end of the world? Uh? Do you have any idea,” you growled, voice growing louder and angrier, “how it felt to watch you leave without even knowing what I did wrong?”

“I never wanted to hurt you,” Wilhemina said, voice quavering.

“Then why the fuck did you leave?” you growled, taking one step toward her. “Tell me! For fuck’s sake, I deserve an explanation!”

She couldn’t meet your eyes anymore. She was staring at the floor and her breathing was quickening at it always would when she was trying not to cry. And suddenly you were in the company of the Wilhemina you knew, the one you loved, the one who didn’t think she should be soft and kind but was still willing to try, for you.

“Elijah came to see me,” she answered, so low you barely heard it.

“So what?” you growled. “You fucked him and realized he was your one true love?”

She winced, and you bit your cheek, thinking that maybe you had gone a bit too far. But she deserved it, part of you thought. She had hurt you too badly.

You waited, but she didn’t add anything after that. So, rage beating inside your chest instead of your heart, you strode to her and planted yourself right in front of her, fuming, and she flinched but held her ground.

“Tell me,” you hissed through gritted teeth. “Why did you leave me?”

She drew in a breath, turned away from you and crossed to her chest of drawers. You were about to yell at her when she opened one of the drawers, closed it again. She crossed back to you and dropped something into your hand.

A lighter. Small and black and plain. You stared at it uncomprehendingly.

“What…?”

Wilhemina had never been good with words. But when you two had been dating, she had been willing to open herself up to you in any way she could. Actions sometimes were easier, she had found.

You glanced up at her, then back down at the lighter in your palm. “I don’t understand,” you said.

Wilhemina had averted her gaze from you again. “I couldn’t pick it up from the floor,” she whispered brokenly.

It didn’t hit you all at once like a revelation. Instead it felt like something spreading inside your head. A bubble. Slowly inflating until it burst.

“What?”

Somehow, it was the only thing you could say.

Wilhemina squared her shoulders, raised her chin, built up her walls. She met your eyes and glared.

“You got what you wanted. Now leave before I feed you to the monsters outside.”

You opened your mouth to say something, but instead you burst into tears.

Your chin dropped to your chest and you sobbed, as Wilhemina stared at you in shock. She extended one hand towards you, hesitated, changed her mind. Her brow pushed up in confusion and concern as she waited for you to calm down, dying to touch and comfort you, but not daring to. She had lost you, after all. She hadn’t been enough.

Some people are just too fucked up to be loved, Elijah had said. She could hear his voice now as if he were saying it again, remembered his exact intonation, the way he had pronounced every syllable.

“It’s alright,” she tried after a little while. “He was right.”

“Who was right?” you sobbed, wiping your eyes.

“Elijah. I did the right thing for you.”

That made you burst into tears again. Except this time, you wrapped your arms around Wilhemina’s waist and pulled her close.

She stiffened against you, but you buried your face in her chest and held her tight and cried and cried at how blind you had been. Your heart broke, but this time it didn’t break for you. It broke for her. For how low her self-esteem was, how she had tried over and over again to be kinder and softer and yet had still been convinced loving her was a burden. Loving her had been the best thing in your whole goddamn life.

Tentatively, Wilhemina slipped one arm around your waist and rested her chin on top of your head.

“I’m gonna bring Elijah back from Hell and kill him,” you mumbled against her chest.

“But he didn’t do anything wrong,” Wilhemina replied. “He was right. All he did was love you so much he only wanted the best for you.”

You shook your head, wailing as Wilhemina brought her free hand up to your head and started stroking your hair.

“I’m so sorry,” you choked. “I’m so sorry.”

Wilhemina’s fingers stuttered in your hair. “What for?” she asked, and you couldn’t see her face but you knew what her expression must be like right now, brow pushed up in confusion, eyes wide as she tried to think of something to say or do to help you calm down.

You sobbed against her chest and tightened your grip on her. “I’m so sorry he did this to you and I let him.”

“I don’t –“She paused, hesitated. “I don’t understand,” she breathed after a moment, which only made you cry harder.

You felt her body stiffen again. “No no no, please don’t cry,” she pleaded. Her hand hovered over your head, afraid to touch you now. “I’ll stop talking, I’m sorry, I’m going to shut up. But please don’t cry.”

You clung to her, clutching the back of her dress, wishing that you could… you didn’t really know what. Let her creep inside of you, let her nestle by your heart so the outside world could never hurt her ever again.

When you had calmed down enough to speak, you asked her what Elijah had told her exactly. You wanted to hear every word, so you could erase them from her brain and replace them with words of truth and love.

You had expected her to refuse, to shut down and keep silent. But to your utter surprise, she let out a shaky breath, pressed her cheek against your head, and started to speak.

It was barely a whisper, and at first she paused and hesitated every second or so; but then, words poured out of her, ashamed and painful. You closed your eyes against a fresh wave of tears as you listened.

It didn’t last long. When she was done, her whole body slackened and you tightened your grip on her, afraid she was going to collapse on the floor. She didn’t, though. She nuzzled your hair and sighed.

She hadn’t broken up with you because of you. She had done it for you. Or at least, she had thought so. And it made everything worse, for you had said hurtful things to her. Accused her of things that had never even crossed her mind. Rubbed salt on the wound.

Not your fault, said a voice in your head. You hadn’t known.

After a quiet moment had passed, you took a deep breath and pulled away. Wilhemina let out a faint noise of protest, but you cupped her face and locked eyes with her.

“Have you ever thought that, maybe,” you whispered, offering her a small, teary smile, “I’m the only one who can decide what and who’s enough for me?”

Wilhemina’s eyes widened a bit. You gave her another smile, then let go of her face and looked around the room.

“You said Elijah told you you could never be enough for me and you believed him,” you said, gathering unlit candles in your hands. “I know this kind of thoughts don’t go away easily. I know it takes time and work. But let me show you something.”

You came to a halt in front of Wilhemina and held out the lighter. She glanced at it, then met your eyes, frowning. You leaned forward and planted a quick kiss on her mouth. Wilhemina’s lips parted on a breath as you pulled away.

You smiled. “Let’s pretend these candles are my heart. Shush, let me finish. Sit down. Let me show you how you light up my heart.”

You set the first candle down on the bedside table. “Remember the day we met at the supermarket? I was blocking the aisle with my cart and you snapped at me. Told me my ass was too big for this world.” You chuckled softly at the memory. “My life was so boring before that day. I hadn’t realized it, but it lacked challenges, it lacked passion. It’s like my brain was asleep, and with just a few words, you awoke it.”

You flicked the lighter and lit the candle. The flame flickered, then grew. You glanced at Wilhemina, gave her a smile.

“Remember the first time we made love?” Wilhemina’s eyes were riveted on the burning candle. You bit your lower lip, set a second candle on the chest of drawers. “You were so nervous, and you tried to hide it, but Mina, honestly, I can tell you now, you weren’t very successful. You thought you would hurt me or not know how to pleasure me. Remember how many times you made me come that night? You’re a great lover, Mina. And you sure have talent in these fingers and tongue of yours,” you teased. Wilhemina’s eyes, wide and shining, flicked to you. “But do you know what you’re even better at? The way you take care of me after. The way you cannot seem to be able to stay away, how you always snuggle up to me and hold me and ask me if it was good.” You lit up the second candle.

You took a third one, put it on the floor by the door. “Remember my birthday?” you went on. “I’d spent the last one alone. You brought me breakfast in bed, bought me flowers and a cake.”

“I ruined your birthday cake,” Wilhemina whispered sadly.

You shook your head, flicking the lighter again. “But you bought it. For me. To celebrate me.”

You crossed to the other side of the room, set two candles on the vanity. “I don’t know if you’re even aware you did it, but you’d always fluff my pillow when you’d make our bed in the morning. You’d never fluff yours. Only mine.”

Wilhemina let out a noise halfway between a laugh and a sob.

“It’s only one example of all the things you did that made me feel so loved. Like how you’d always buy pears even though you don’t like the taste of them, just because you knew I do. Or how you read the whole of War and Peace just because I said it’s one of my favorite books. That’s more than a thousand pages, Mina.” Your voice broke as your lips parted on a smile. “You didn’t even think it was that good. But you read the whole thing. Valentine’s Day. You said you hated Valentine’s Day. You bought me flowers and chocolates and tickets for Carmen. Front row center seats, Mina.”

You were crying again by now, but these tears were happy. You set the last candle by the bed. “You made sure I’d survive the Apocalypse. It was you, wasn’t it? I don’t know how you did it, but I’m sure it was you. I used to be mad at you for having saved me but left all my friends and family to die. But you saved me. Gave me another chance at life. Because you still cared about me.”

Wilhemina sniffed, wiped her nose on the back of her hand. You walked around the bed and took her hand.

The whole room was studded with bright, dancing dots of light, as if you had stuck your head into the night sky. Wilhemina’s hand was shaking, but she laced her fingers with yours and gave them a tight squeeze.

“So, you see,” you whispered, “see how bright you make my heart shine.”

A sob pushed out of Wilhemina’s throat. She wrapped her free arm around her waist, hugging herself as she cried. You leaned towards hers, bumping her shoulder with yours. For a while she didn’t move; then she, tentatively, laid her head on your shoulder. And then, as you did not protest, did not push her away, she slipped her arm around your waist and pulled you close.

Her hand cupped your face and her mouth crashed against yours as she sobbed and you sobbed and kissed her fervently back. How you had missed this. How you had missed her. One of your arms wrapped around her shoulders to press her closer still, tongue sliding inside her mouth. You were shaking, entirely too hot and so, so alive.

Something seemed to break loose inside Wilhemina. She let out a noise like a whimper, and suddenly she was crying over and over again “I’m so sorry” and “please” and “don’t go”. You pulled away slightly, cupped her face to make her look at you.

“I’m not leaving,” you whispered. “I forgive you.”

Her shoulders slumped with relief as another sob pushed up her throat. “But what about Mary?” she hiccupped.

You frowned, stroking her cheek. “What about Mary?”

“And what about the two Greys?” she went on, voice growing frantic and breathless. “What about the rules? I’ll hurt you again, I’ll hold you back, I’m too fucked up –“

“None of that,” you shushed her gently.

“But I –“

“No.” A kiss on her mouth, slow and sweet, meant to reassure. You tugged softly at her lip, and she moaned, dug her fingers into your skin. She let out a breath that went all the way down into your lungs, and sank into you.

After a moment, she rested her cheek on your shoulder and opened her eyes to look at all the lighted candles. You held her, stroking the nape of her neck, rubbing circles on her back.

The candles were burning. They lit up the room.

Tag list: @sapphicsarahpaulson @mssallymckenna @supremeinlilac @pluied-ete @rainbow-hedgehog @pearplate @angelxsarahp @paulawand @asktammyr @peggycarter-steverogers @coconutlipss @saucy-sapphic @thesupremewife @coxmicbabygirl

#does reader forgive wilhemina too quickly in that one?#yes #but i want to give w all the love and no one but god can stop me #ahs #ahs imagines #sarah paulson #sarah paulson x reader #wilhemina venable x reader #wilhemina venable #fics

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just-dreaming-marvel · 3 years

Text

It’s Always Been You ~ 142

OUT OF TIME MASTERLIST

IT’S ALWAYS BEEN YOU MASTERLIST

< previous chapter

Word Count: 2,590ish

Summary: Y/N tells Tony who her choice has always been. The team starts to learn more about the Stones.

Notes: You must read Out Of Time in order to understand this. The chapter numbers continue from Out Of Time. (None of the gifs are mine.)

Previous on Out Of Time…

“Tony…” She tried to turn away, but Tony grabbed onto her arms, keeping her facing him.

“No, you don’t get to run away right now. I need an answer. If we’re going to do this, bring everyone back. I need to know the truth, once and for all. That I wasn’t the second choice, that I wasn’t just the only option so you went for it… So, tell me, would you have chosen me if Barnes was still here?”

“You’re an absolute idiot, Stark,” Y/N practically growled, trying to hold back her anger as she pulled away from him. “You think that I would marry you if I didn’t absolutely love you? That I would do that if I wasn’t choosing you? It’s always been you!! Ever since the first day we met, I just didn’t want to admit it. Too scared that this would all go wrong somehow and I would lose you forever. That day Strange showed up to get us, do you remember how I kept trying to tell you something and you kept going on about that dream you had about Morgan?”

“Yes,” Tony mumbled, trying not to make Y/N freak more than she was. He was also feeling guilty about ever doubting her, he knew better than that.

“I was trying to tell you that I had chosen you! I had made my choice that day and I was coming to tell you that you were it for me! But then… then everything happened… And people vanished… I searched Titan a thousand times over for you. Hoping and praying that the ashes that keep breezing past me, weren’t you. And when you came back alive, no one else mattered. Because I had you still, and I knew that we’d be okay. No matter what… And the fact that, after all this time, you’re doubting me… that hurts.” Tears were threatening to spill from Y/N’s eyes.

“Y/N, honey,” Tony went to hold her, but she stepped away.

“How could you doubt me? After all this time? I know that I probably confused you, but did I ever give you doubt in the last five years that I wasn’t completely devoted to you? To the family that we built?”

“You have to see it my way, Y/N. I thought that we were good back then too. And then Bucky came back into the picture, more than once.”

“And yet I still came back to you. After everything, I always found my way back to you… I love you, Tony. It’s always been you.”

“I’m so sorry, honey,” Tony slowly reached for Y/N’s hands. He was scared that she’d pull away again as he was so desperate to feel her in his arms. “I should have never doubted you.” She flinched slightly as his hands took hers, but didn’t pull away. “It’s always been you for me too.” He slowly moved closer to her. “I’m sorry I just…” He sighed. “It’s always been nagging at me. I needed to know.”

“I know… And I’m sorry I didn’t clear it up sooner.” She curled herself into his chest. “I’m terrified, Tony.”

Tony held her to his chest and held a kiss to her head. “Me too.”

“I can’t lose anyone else… especially not you or Morgan.”

“We aren’t going to lose each other or Morgan… we’re going to make it through this.” He looked down and brushed his fingers down her cheeks. “I love you.”

“I love you, too.” She pulled him down for a kiss. “I’m still mad at you for doubting me.”

“I have a feeling that you’ll get back at me for it in a subtle way later.”

“Not gonna be that subtle.”

~~~

“And then Happy bought me two cheeseburgers!” Morgan exclaimed through the phone’s screen.

“Two?!” Y/N gasped, faking excitement for Morgan.

“And I ate them both!”

“Oh my goodness! That’s crazy!”

“Just like your old man, Mo,” Tony said, making his appearance next to Y/N.

“Tomorrow, Aunt Pepper said that we could rake the leaves and jump in them!”

“That sounds so much fun Morgan,” Y/N responded, trying to hide the shakiness of her voice. Tony, having his arm wrapped around her waist, gave her a light squeeze in understanding. “Momma misses you, Mo.”

“I miss you too. When are you coming home?”

Y/N took in a harsh breath, unable to answer. “We aren’t sure, sweetheart,” Tony responded. “But it won’t be too long. I promise.”

“Okay.”

“It’s past your bedtime, now. Good night, we love you.”

“I love you both 3000!” Then the girl hung up.

Y/N broke down into tears in Tony’s arms. She wanted to be back with Morgan. She didn’t want what she knew was coming to come. But she knew it had to. And that this was the only way for Morgan to be safe. Tony held Y/N close, whispering that it will all be okay as he periodically kissed her head. It was killing him to see her like this. He couldn’t wait for this to all be over and for them to all go home.

~~~

The next morning, they all gathered in a conference room to discuss the Stones. Y/N knew it was going to be an unpleasant day for her, since most of them knew she was tied to them. Tony, Steve, and Bruce paced in the front, while everyone else sat around the room.

“Okay, so the how works,” Steve began. “Now we gotta figure out the when and the where. Almost all of us has had an encounter with at least one of the six Infinity Stones.”

“Well I'd substitute the word encounter for damn well near been killed by one of the six Infinity Stones,” Tony said. “Or is connected with them.” Y/N shrunk slightly in her seat as people glanced her way.

“I haven’t,” Scott cut in. “I don't even know what the hell you're all talking about.” Y/N rolled her eyes.

“Regardless, we only have enough Pym Particles for one round trip each,” Bruce stated. “And these Stones have been in a lot of different places throughout history.”

“Our history,” Tony corrected. “So, not a lot of convenient spots to just drop in.”

“Which means we have to pick our targets,” Clint said.

“Correct.”

“Let’s start with the Aether,” Steve suggested. “Thor, what do you know?”

Everyone turned to look back at Thor. He was sitting on a chair, beer in hand and sunglasses on. Asleep. Y/N sighed, knowing that this probably was all going to do nothing to help Thor’s mental health.

“Is he asleep?” Natasha questioned.

“No,” Rhodey responded. “I’m pretty sure he’s dead.”

Y/N gently woke Thor up and he stumbled to stand in front of everyone. Bruce put all the known information on the Reality Stone up on the screens.

“Where to start?” Thor asked himself, clearly still out of it. “Umm... The Aether, first, is not a stone, someone called it a stone before. It's more of a... an angry sludge thing, so... someones gonna need to amend that. Here's an interesting story though, many years ago... My grandfather had to hide the stones from the Dark Elves…” He wiggled his fingers. “Woooooh, scary beings. So Jane,” an image of Jane Foster popped up on the screen. “Oh, there she is. That’s Jane… She’s… an old flame of mine… she… she stuck her hand inside a rock this one time… and then the Aether stuck itself inside her... And, she became very, very sick.”

“So I had to take her to Asgard, which is where I'm from,” Thor continued. “And we had to try and fix her. We were dating at the time, you see. I got to introduce her to my Mother... who's dead,” everyone was trying to give their full attention to Thor as he began to look broken and rambled on, “and oh you know, Jane and I aren't even dating anymore, these things happen though you know, nothing last forever.”

Tony went up to him, trying to guide him back to his chair. “Why don’t you come sit--”

“I'm not done yet, the only thing permanent in life is impermanence.”

“Awesome,” Tony responded, keeping a hold of him. “Eggs? Breakfast?”

“I’d like a Bloody Mary, thank you.”

Y/N took a deep breath, thankful that she couldn’t feel Thor’s thoughts at the moment. He was broken, and it was so terribly sad. Tony got him to sit back down before deciding that they all needed a break for food.

~~~

The break ended at dinner, after they all got distracted with creating suits for everyone and gathering more information. Tony and Y/N had spent the day at each others sides, not that that was not normal. But this was different, there was now a complete understanding between the couple. That it was them, together, until the end. Together, they went to pick up dinner for the group. Tony’s hand was resting on Y/N’s thigh, thumb rubbing against it. Y/N was focused on the passing world outside the window.

“What are you thinking about?” Tony asked, slightly worried for his wife.

“After this, no matter what happens, we need to retire,” Y/N said quietly. “We can’t keep doing this, especially with Morgan.” She turned to look at her husband. “One day, we might never come back. And I can’t—I won’t do that to her.”

Tony gave a light squeeze to her thigh. “Okay. We’ll retire. I’ll focus on something else, stop making suits.”

“I’ve really enjoyed the last few years of… normalcy. And I believe that we owe it to Morgan to try to keep it that way.”

“I agree… And maybe, we could possible give her a sibling?” Tony tried to make himself seem all innocent, but there was a glint of mischief behind it all.

Y/N patted the hand Tony hand on her. “Ask me after all of this is over. Okay?”

“I can do that.” Tony was silent focusing on the road, for a few moments before speaking up again. “But do you think we could practice? And cause, you know, we don’t know what will happen during the time travel.”

“Why don’t you just straight up say that you want to have sex, Tony?” She laughed.

“Okay, tonight, I want to have sex. End of story.”

Y/N laughed again. “I love you.”

Tony smirked. “You better.”

~~~

Dinner came with a large table and Rocket going over what happened with the Power Stone. Rocket was pacing on the opposite side of the table that Y/N and Tony were sitting on. Tony insisted on sitting next to Thor, worried about him.

“Quill said he stole the Power Stone from Morag,” the raccoon stated.

“Is that a person?” Scott asked.

“Morag’s a planet. Quill was a person.”

“A planet? Like in outer space?”

“Oh, look. It's like a little puppy, all happy and everything.” Rocket changed his tone to one that he was use when talking to a puppy. “Do you wanna go to space? You wanna go to space, puppy? I'll get you to space.”

“He hasn’t been a part of the team for long, Rocket,” Y/N said. “Give him some slack.”

“How are you doing Y/N?” Bruce asked, changing the subject.

“Better than yesterday. I think everything was just overwhelming me.”

“That brings up a question I have,” Rocket said. “It was mentioned that you’re connected to the Stones. How?”

“You don’t have to answer that, honey, if you don’t want to,” Tony said softly.

“No, it’s fine,” Y/N responded, giving Tony a small smile. She turned back to everyone. “In 1945, I came in physical contact with the Space Stone. It formed a bond with me, and because of that I’m able to control some of their abilities. They, um… they trained me and spoke to me.”

“She was meant to stop what happened,” Thor spoke up, surprisingly. “She was supposed to be the one that stopped him.”

“Thor,” Tony went to stop him.

“No, Tony,” Y/N stopped her husband. “It’s okay… I’m so sorry, Thor, that I couldn’t do what needed to be done then. But I was shown that that fight was not the end. And the Stones stopped me from doing what I had to… I’m so sorry.”

Thor’s chair scrapped as he stumbled up and out of there. Y/N went to follow but was stopped by Tony.

“You don’t need to go after him,” he said.

“But I do,” Y/N replied. “Because he protected me when you and Steve doubted me. He knew what I had to do, before I even really did. I’ll be okay.”

Tony reluctantly let Y/N follow after Thor. He had grabbed another beer and wandered into the hanger, where the platform was.

“You don’t have to say anything, but I need you to listen,” Y/N began. “I saw the dust and heard the screams years before it happened. Wanda showed it to me, back when we were dealing with Ultron. I saw the gauntlet and I saw it snap. The Stones said they saved me for that moment, but they lied. When the moment came, they told me different… I…” Y/N hesitated to say anything. But Thor had lost everything and deserved to know the whole truth. “I saw a battle. More destructive than we’ve ever been a part of. I saw myself fighting Thanos, all of us fighting together fighting. And I was told that if I tried to stop what happened that day, they would stop me… and they did.”

“Thanos is dead,” Thor responded, not bothering to turn around and face Y/N. “I killed him myself.”

“I know. And I don’t know how I saw myself fighting him. But I do know that I can’t doubt the Stones. We need to be prepared for the consequences that may come from us going back in time and bringing everyone back.”

“You and Thanos?” Steve questioned, alerting Y/N to the fact that everyone had followed them. She took in a sharp breath. “You saw yourself fight him?”

Y/N slowly turned around. “I did.”

“And it was different than what happened 5 years ago?” Natasha asked.

“Yes.”

“How could you keep this a secret from us?” Steve asked.

“I had to. For the safety of everyone… I didn’t even tell Tony everything.”

“We could have spent all this time preparing.”

“It would have done us no good.”

“Y/N,” Bruce called, trying to calm the escalating tension with his tone. “Do you know when it’s going to happen?”

“At the time, I was told five years.”

“What?” A few of them exclaimed.

“And you didn’t think that was important?” Steve questioned harshly.

“I did what I thought was right,” Y/N defended. “To protect the people I care about. You all can’t possibly stand here and judge me for that. We have all made that call! And you can’t possibly understand the burden I have carried with me for years.”

“Doesn’t matter, we’re your team,” Steve motioned to everyone in the room, before motioning between himself and her. “Your family.”

“And look how well that’s done us Steve…” She looked around the room, trying not to get emotional. “I am sorry for what’s all happened. But I am not sorry for the secrets I’ve kept to protect everyone.”

Without other word, Y/N walked out.

next chapter >

I AM SO EXCITED TO SHOW YOU GUYS WHAT I HAVE PLANNED! I hope that this chapter didn’t disappoint. I was really nervous to post it.

I appreciate all likes, comments, asks, and reblogs! Thank you for all the positive support!

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whimsicallyenchantedrose · 3 years

Text

Dead Man’s Cell Phone--Chapter 2

Summary: When Emma Swan starts getting phone calls and texts from an unfamiliar number, she decides to check it out–only to discover the number belongs to a Killian Jones, who was killed in a robbery gone wrong six months ago. With some help from a medium, Merlin Emrys, Emma hopes to find out why a dead guy is contacting her–and why she feels such a strong pull to someone she has never met before.

Rating: K+

Tagging a few people who may be interested (Let me know if you want to be added or taken off the list): @sailormew4 @annaamell @flslp87 @emmateo26 @bethacaciakay @ultraluckycatnd @effulgent-mind @ilovemesomekillianjones@kat2609 @brooke-to-broch @missgymgirl @galadriel26 @the-lady-of-misthaven @charmingturkeysandwich @jennjenn615 @laschatzi @kimmy46 @snowbellewells @iamanneenigma @daxx04 @nickillian @a-rose-for-a-savior@in-spirational @gillie @britishguyslover @ginnyjinxedandhanshotritafirst@kmomof4 @linda8084 @golfgirld @captain-swan-coffee @searchingwardrobes @hollyethecurious @laughswaytoomuch@allyourdarlingswans @winterbaby89 @facesiousbutton82 @cssns @therooksshiningknight, @lfh1226-linda @tiganasummertree @eastwesthomeisbest @dreamingdreamsalways @xsajx @justren21 @laughterandbooks @cocohook38 @therealstartraveller776

Welcome to my entry for the Captain Swan Supernatural Summer! A big thank you to @cssns, the ladies on the Discord! Thank you also to @eastwesthomeisbest, my artist and my beta @veryverynotgood!

Other Chapters: Prologue 1 3 4 Epilogue

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

"So after the phone calls, the text messages started coming," Emma said, settling into her best friend's plush sofa.

"Texts?" Mary Margaret asked curiously before taking a sip of her tea. "What kind of texts?"

It felt like Emma had known Mary Margaret forever. Both girls were placed in the system at young ages-Emma, because her parents abandoned her on the side of a road as an infant, and Mary Margaret, because her parents both died of illness. They ended up in the same group home, and quickly became the best of friends. They were closer than sisters until the day Mary Margaret was adopted by Cora Mills, and then eventually, Emma was fostered by Ruth Nolan.

Even after being placed with other families, Emma and Mary Margaret kept in touch-letters, phone calls, even the occasional visit. On one such visit, Emma's foster brother, David, was home from college, and as soon as he and Mary Margaret met, it was love at first sight.

They were so in love it was honestly a bit nauseating.

When they got married fresh out of college, Emma couldn't be happier. She'd always considered Mary Margaret her sister in all the ways that counted, and now they truly were.

There was no doubt about it - Mary Margaret Nolan was the person Emma was closest to in the entire world, and so it was only natural that when the weird stuff with the cell phone started happening, Emma decided to discuss it with her.

"Weird ones," Emma answered, taking a sip of her own hot cocoa with cinnamon. "Stuff like Help! or You're the only one who can save me!. And then some of them were even stranger. Just...random letters and symbols, almost like someone was randomly pressing buttons on a keyboard."

"So what did you do?" Mary Margaret asked, sitting on the other side of the sofa and turning toward Emma.

Emma shrugged. "I tried answering at first. You know, you hear about people who are abducted and, like, stuck in a basement for years and stuff like that. I kept thinking, what if someone really needed help and I just...ignored them?"

"And what happened when you answered?" Mary Margaret asked.

"Nothing," Emma answered before taking another sip. "No answer, just another cryptic text several hours later. Finally, I decided I'd had enough. Either someone needed help, or someone was messing with me. I decided I'd call the number, decide whether I needed to help them or tell them to go f-" She stopped, glancing over at Mary Margaret's toddler playing with blocks nearby. "Well, go do something not at all child-friendly to themselves."

"Let me guess, your call didn't get through."

"Nope," Emma confirmed, "but it was even weirder than that. I dialed the number just after receiving a text, but it went directly to voicemail."

"But that's not possible!" Mary Margaret exclaimed.

"Right?" Emma said. "So I tried to ignore the whole thing. Maybe the phone was just...I don't know..glitching or something, although I don't know how a technological glitch could make phone calls and text someone. Anyway, for some reason, I just can't let go. Even though I don't know him, somehow I feel a...connection...to this Killian Jones. I just-I don't know what to do about it."

Mary Margaret was silent for a moment, taking several sips of her steaming beverage, before turning back to Emma with a cautious look in her eyes. "There is...there is another possibility, if you have an open mind."

"Just how open are we talking?"

"Pretty open," Mary Margaret said. "What if-and just hear me out, I know this is crazy-what if Killian Jones is contacting you from beyond the grave."

"What, like a ghost?"

Mary Margaret shrugged. "I mean, I know it sounds crazy, but why not? One of the other teachers I work with was talking about this medium. His name is Merlin Emrys. Supposedly he can contact the dead and see ghosts and stuff like that."

"A medium? Seriously?" Emma asked, crossing her arms and raising an eyebrow. "Mary Margaret, you know those people are frauds. It's all about researching their marks ahead of time and then cold reading them. They're only in it to bleed as much cash out of vulnerable people as possible."

"I know it sounds crazy," Mary Margaret conceded, "but what if it's not? I've thought about going to him myself. If I could just talk to my parents one more time-make sure they're okay, make sure they've moved on, or whatever happens after someone dies. Well, it would provide a lot of comfort."

Emma's heart turned over, and she took her friend's hand. She knew how much Mary Margaret missed her parents. It was different for Emma. She'd never known her parents, only knew they'd tossed her out like garbage. She wasn't sure she even wanted to find them.

"I know you miss them," Emma said.

"I do," Mary Margaret said, "but that's not the point. The point is...what do you have to lose? Maybe this Merlin is just a quack like you said, but maybe not. Maybe he could be the key to unravelling the whole mystery."

Emma was silent for a moment. It was crazy; she knew it was. A medium wasn't going to give her the answers she needed if all her bail bonds tricks had failed her, but what the hell?

"Fine. I'll go see Merlin," Emma caved.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Emma's eyebrows rose as she took in the small, ranch-style house Mary Margaret had directed her to. She was skeptical before seeing the place, but now-now red flags were going up everywhere.

There was a huge, gaudy sign out front that read "Merlin, the great and powerful. Wizard of the unknown and medium of the great beyond." The sign-indeed the entire front of the house-was decorated with all kinds of astrological signs and symbols.

Was this guy even for real?

Emma seriously considered turning around and getting back in her car, but she'd promised Mary Margaret she'd at least check this Merlin out and give him a chance, and Emma was a woman of her word. She took a deep breath and knocked on the door.

A moment later, an older man with longish, thinning gray hair and a rather unkempt gray beard opened the door. He was wearing long robes. Really playing the part, apparently.

"Merlin Emrys, I presume?" Emma asked as the man welcomed her inside with a sweep of his hand.

The man chuckled. "I'm afraid not. I'm merely his apprentice. Who might I tell Merlin is calling?"

Emma cocked an eyebrow. "You mean your all powerful boss didn't see me coming with his second sight or whatever?"

Emma stepped inside and the apprentice shut the door after her. "My master isn't clairvoyant. He merely has the ability to speak with the dead."

"Right," Emma said, not even trying to tamp down the skepticism in her voice. "I'm Emma Swan, and I'm here to-"

He stopped her with a raised hand. "Don't say too much. Merlin does not wish to be influenced by his clients. He wishes to sense the energy around you for himself."

Emma shrugged. "Sorry."

"It's quite alright," the apprentice said, moving toward large drapes at the far end of the room. "I'll be just a moment. Please, make yourself comfortable."

Emma looked around the room while she waited, and it took everything in her to keep from rolling her eyes. This guy was really playing up the whole "psychic" thing. It felt like she was in some sort of fortune teller carnival tent. All the signs and symbols. This guy even had a crystal ball. An actual crystal ball.

This trip was a massive waste of her time, but maybe it would at least prove to be entertaining.

"Emma Swan, welcome!"

Emma looked up at the handsome black man who made his way through the curtains. He was dressed in much the same way as his apprentice, only he wore a sorcerer's pointy hat on his head.

"Uh, thanks," Emma said, stepping forward and offering her hand. "Full disclosure. I'm more than a little bit of a skeptic, so if this is one of those 'it can only work if you truly believe' deals, we might have a problem."

"My gift can withstand the doubts of the skeptic," he chuckled before reaching out and taking her hand.

No sooner had his hand touched hers than he gasped, taking a step back, eyes going wide. "Would you-would you care to follow me back to my private sitting room, Miss Swan? It's far more comfortable back there."

Emma cocked a brow again, wondering what this odd man was on about. Still, she didn't sense any overt deception in him, and he didn't seem to be any threat to her, so she shrugged before following him through the curtains.

This backroom was far more ordinary than the room they'd just inhabited. Emma took a plush armchair, and Merlin sat on a sofa across from her.

Merlin pulled off his hat and sat it beside him. "I apologize for all the theatrics, Miss Swan," he said, reaching for a pot of tea and then raising an eyebrow in question. Emma declined the beverage with a small shake of her head, and Merlin proceeded to pour himself a cup. "I attempt to play up to what most clients expect from a psychic. Unfortunately, most poor souls who come to see me are out of luck. The loved one they wish to contact has passed on. For most, all I can do amounts to smoke and mirrors. I could tell the moment I shook your hand that you were different."

Emma inwardly scoffed. She knew enough about cons not to be fooled by a clever con man. Made sense he'd use a different tactic with a skeptic than he would with some poor, grief-stricken sap who was a true believer.

"No offense, but I still think you're full of crap," she said.

Merlin smiled. "It seems those with the most energy surrounding them always do."

"So, what?" Emma asked. "Are there ghosts all around me or something?"

"There are a few spirits here with us today," Merlin confirmed. "There's one who's quite insistent. It's a man; looks as though he died rather young. I don't sense he's family, but you were close. Maybe coworkers? Perhaps friends?"

Emma took a deep breath, a face coming to mind. Surely he couldn't mean-

"I'm getting a G in the name," Merlin said slowly. "Greg or Gray….no. Graham."

Emma's heart turned over. Graham. Sweet, slightly dorky Graham Humbert. They'd worked together on more than a few cases, and they'd become good friends.

In fact, they'd been teetering on the precipice of possibly becoming more than friends when he died suddenly.

"How did you know to mention Graham? How did you know that name would get the biggest rise out of me?" Emma demanded, voice hard.

"I don't choose the spirits who come to me," Merlin explained calmly, "I merely give them a voice. Graham is pleased to see you again. He's glad you're doing well."

The anger came then, spurred on by the pain the memory of Graham's death brought back. "Why are you doing this to me?"

"He died quite suddenly, didn't he?" Merlin asked, ignoring her question. "I'm feeling a tightness in my chest. Something with his heart?"

"Heart attack," Emma confirmed tightly. "He had a heart attack right in front of me and died in my arms."

"He's sorry, so very sorry you had to go through that," Merlin said, putting a comforting hand on her arm. "He never wanted to be a source of pain for you."

Emma felt the tears at the back of her eyes and had to take a deep breath to keep them from falling. "Yeah, well, he didn't exactly have a say in the matter. Look, I don't know how you knew to bring up Graham, but I'm still not buying it."

"He apologizes he couldn't bring you a bear claw today," Merlin continued with a smile. "Oh, and he asks if you remember the day he thought he saw a wolf. He wants you to know he wasn't drunk. It really was there-in spirit at least."

Emma gasped, remembering the night she and Graham had gone to the Rabbit Hole for a drink after a long shift and Graham swore he spotted a big, gray wolf right there on the main street of town. Emma had made fun of him for that, telling him he'd clearly imbibed a bit too much that night. There's no way Merlin could have known about that incident. He couldn't have found it in any newspaper or online article about Graham's death.

Was it...was it possible this guy was the real deal?

"Okay, I admit, it's weird you'd bring that up," Emma said. "Let's say I believe you, can you ask Graham if he's okay? If he, like, moved on or whatever?"

"You just asked him," Merlin said. "He's here with us and can hear you. He wants to tell you that he is okay. He's more than okay; he's happy. He's moved on, and he's at peace, more than he could have ever thought possible."

Emma smiled, feeling comfort at the thought.

"There's someone else here with us as well," Merlin said. "Another male presence, but I don't believe you know this one. This one seems angry, desperate."

"Um...should we be scared?" Emma asked.

Merlin shook his head. "He doesn't mean us harm, only wants his story told. He's too indistinguishable to speak now, but I sense he'll be accompanying us on our journey today as well."

Wonderful. An angry, desperate ghost guide. Just fantastic.

"So, Emma," Merlin said, after a moment, "what brings you to me tonight?"

Emma pulled out her phone and laid out the entire story for Merlin. She told him about the calls, the texts, everything. Merlin took her phone in hand and gasped as soon as it touched his hand.

"There is a huge amount of energy here," he said. "There's no doubt a spirit has attached itself to you-or at least your phone."

Emma felt a chill. "My phone is haunted?"

"Not precisely," Merlin murmured, turning the device over in his hand. "Someone wishes to get your attention; wishes for you to help him, but there's something odd here, something I can't quite place."

"What do you mean?"

"The spirit is...indistinct," Merlin said, "hazy and just beyond my reach. I've never experienced anything like this."

Emma waited, her curiosity more than piqued at Merlin's odd reaction to her cell phone.

After a moment, Merlin's eyes widened. "Your friend Graham cleared up the mystery for me."

"What?" Emma asked. "What does Graham say is going on?"

"The reason I can't get a clear read on the spirit attached to your phone-this Killian Jones-is, well, because he's not dead."

Notes:

-So there you have it. For those of you who have wondered how this story could possibly have a happy ending since Killian is dead-this is how. He's not actually dead!

-Up next: With Merlin's help, Emma finds out how this is all possible-and she finds the not-dead Killian Jones.

Next Chapter-->

#cssns21 #captain swan supernatural summer #my franfiction #cs ghost story au #dead man's cell phone

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jonsa101 · 3 years

Note

Do you think when Max double back and said “we never talked about it” do you think Helen took it as yes finally he’s opening up and that’s why she hug him and laugh that relieved laugh? And then she asked him that question and she realize he still doesn’t get it??

Aaaaaaaaaahhhhhh!!! This is a great question and such a hard one to answer as well! I’ve honestly considered a lot of scenarios in my mind about where Helen’s mind was at before and after the hug. I have gone back and forth about it but after analyzing it for awhile these are my final thoughts on it.

In my last ask I got from @abriaashley, I had mentioned that there was a very brief moment in that rooftop scene that reminded of me their rooftop scene in 1.17. Before I answered this ask, I took a couple days to really make sure that I knew what I was talking about but after analyzing it I know without a shadow of doubt this is the exact same expression. To me, this brief moment below is the most important key in understanding everything that happened during and after their hug.

But in order to understand why Helen has this expression on her face, we need to first examine the scene where we saw this expression first. In episode 1.17, Max and Helen are having a conversation within a conversation about their relationship. Everything is subtext but essentially Helen tells Max that she needs to “triage,” she can’t be his “all of the above” and that she’s removing herself as his doctor. Of course Max is upset by this and with his wonderful Freudian slip he reveals his true heart’s desire when he says...

But what if I want you?

After this declaration, we get this expression on her face and then Helen STICKS TO HER RESOLVE!

In the context of this scene, Helen’s expression here tells me two things:

Max telling her “what if I want want you” is exactly what she wants to hear. She clearly has feelings for him and hearing that is supposed to tempt and sway her resolve. But based on their current circumstances the idea of them is simply not possible and it’s heart aching.

She clearly doesn’t want to do what she’s about to do in this moment but she’s BUILDING UP THE WILL POWER to do what she feels she has to do!

This is my interpretation of why Helen has that expression on her face. When I look at episode 3.10 where Helen has that same look before she hugs Max, I think the same reasons apply for this moment as well. As an avid Sharpwin shipper it’s easy to fan girl about these intimate moments and get carried away but when you logically look at their scene and the scene that took place right before, hopefully what I explain will make perfect sense to you.

Before Max and Helen’s moment on the roof, Helen had a GUT-WRENCHING scene with her niece. Mina is still heavily grieving her father and this explains so much of why she’s also had a lot of behavioral issues. She’s suffering emotionally and is desperately trying to find some semblance of peace and healing. Shanthi Sekaran, the writer for this episode, said the inspiration for this scene was Micaheanglo’s Pieta and how fitting it was for this moment between them.

“Pieta” which translates to pity or compassion, shows the the Virgin Mary compassionately holding on to the dead body of Jesus as she sorrowfully contemplates the death of her beloved son.

Like this sculpture, Helen compassionately holds Mina and comforts her as Mina is overcome with her grief and as Helen is trying to empathize with the depths of Mina’s sorrow! It’s just such a beautiful thing to witness and why I’m hoping Mina sticks around for the long haul. There’s so much emotional investment already and in this moment of their lives, they desperately NEED EACH OTHER! So when you look at everything from a wholistic perspective and you look at the chain of events that led Helen to be on that rooftop in the first place, does it LOGICALLY make sense that Helen would be in the headspace to address her relationship with Max or even kiss him? Nooooooooo!!!!

It doesn’t make sense!

If anything, her actions in this scene is a reflection of what she did earlier with Cassian when she broke up with him. As she made her niece first priority with Cassian, she is essentially making her niece first priority again with Max, despite being in love with him!

Let’s breakdown 3.10’s rooftop scene so y’all can know where I’m coming from.

Part 1 of this scene is Max and Helen discussing parenting and him emotionally supporting her when she feels like she had a parenting fail. This should have been the first clue for us to understand how this moment between them would play out because this issue with Mina was the main thing that was clearly plaguing her mind!

In part 2 of this scene, Max turns to leave and then after briefly hesitating, he turns around says

“I’m sorry about Cassian.”

As soon as he says this we see this same expression we saw in 1.17. Then Max continues and says.

I don’t know what to...say. I mean, we never talk about it.”

Y’all I said this in my last ask but this is a really big deal! This is Max’s first attempt to bring up the elephant in the room between them and it’s something that he’s never attempted to address before. Helen knows this is a big deal too and she knows where this conversation was headed. Hence why before the conversation could even go anywhere, Helen cut him off with a hug!

Like I said at the beginning of this post, the expression Helen makes before the hug is the key to understanding this scene in it’s entirety! Similar to 1.17 I believe the same reasons apply for her expression in 3.10 but vary slightly.

Once again, what Max is saying is exactly what Helen wants to hear but also what she’s been waiting for him to do! Unlike in season 1, Max and Helen are in completely different circumstances than they were back then. Subconsciously, they had feelings back then but now they are both fully aware that they’re in love with each other. The massive elephant in the room exists between them because they don’t talk about their feelings and they’re to afraid to voice that they’re in love with each other. There is no doubt in my mind that Max finally being able to at least broach the topic is something that she has always wanted Max to do. They seemingly don’t have anything that’s holding them back from being together but based by how I see it, the heart aching look on Helen’s face tells me that in Helen’s mind it’s essential she puts her sole focus into Mina, even if this is something she’s always wanted. (This Is KEY!)

Like 1.17, I think Helen was building up that will power to tell him that she’s happy that their friends even though she’s in love with him. That hug between them was a lot of things. It was deeply loving and heartfelt. It was cathartic with pent-up angst and longing semi-released but most of all, it was desperate and supportive. Despite this, I also believe that this hug was used to avoid a conversation that Helen didn’t want to have. If she allowed that conversation to go any further she would have 100% been swayed and would have probably given into her feelings. But Helen didn’t want to be swayed. She wanted to stick to her resolve that Mina is her first priority! Is this a problematic mindset? Yes! But after that emotionally charged moment with Mina I can see how Helen might think she’s making the right decision.

Also, I’m convinced that if Mina’s breakdown didn’t happen before Max and Helen’s moment on the rooftop, they would have probably had that conversation. But since it did happen, it totally plays a role in what transpires between Helen and Max.

For the moments after they hug this is how I interpret those interactions:

When Helen says to Max “what you said earlier” initially I thought she was referring to something he said earlier in the day. Now that I’ve taken a couple of days to really think about it, I just don’t think that makes sense. Again, after Helen’s moment with Mina, I don’t think she was in the headspace at all to talk about her feelings for him. This scene was more so about Max stepping up and being emotionally supportive of her and I think what’s she’s actually referring to is Max saying “But it helps not to be alone.” In that moment Helen recognized that Max will unequivocally support her and I think that’s something she’s incredibly grateful for. When Max responds with “what did I say?,” I genuinely believe he’s not thinking straight because he so overwhelmed and overjoyed to have Helen in his arms. Also, I think naturally he asks that question because he wants to know for future reference what he needs to keep saying to keep her in his arms 🥰.That look that she gives Max before she tells him that she’s really glad that they’re friends isn’t necessarily a look of disappointment because of Max. After I watched it again, that look to me is more so of a look of “I hate that I’m doing this but I have to do this.” As she is gazing into his eyes, it’s her final push to stick to her resolve! Her mind was already made up and she was going to see that decision through.

Y’all I’m going to wrap this up here because this ask wasn’t supposed to be a meta but ended up that way! Lol! Though these are my opinions on what transpired in 3.10 that doesn’t change my opinion of how I see things unfolding for Sharpwin this season. I just think it’s important to put scenes in proper context. Though Helen might have said that they’re friends, it is so evident that she is clearly in love with him. Like Max, she can’t pretend or neglect her personal wants and needs forever! The great sleeping bear of her desire stirred and is wide awake! Sooner rather than later that bear needs to be fed!

Feel free to reach out to me through my Dms on Tumblr or on Twitter! @oyindaodewale. Also my ask box is always open! 🥰

None of the Gifs in this post are mine!

#new amsterdam #sharpwin #max goodwin #helen sharpe #sharpwin meta #max x helen #new amsterdam meta #jonsa101 ask

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