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stuckinapatriarchalbullshitland · 4 years

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There is a light at the end of the tunnel

Hello, Stuck. Sorry, I don’t know your real name.

I wrote this long ass post to bring some light into the fandom and between the CSs, and I hope you can post it? I’m new in the Tumblr world, but not in the 5H fandom. I don’t quite know how it works yet and, for the moment, I only know your blog and those of @emisonme, @karlaswine, @sun-to-my-luna, @underthatimpression, and @mentesimploria because, in one way or another, you’re all connected to each other. I just wanted to tell you guys how much I appreciate every single one of you, the passion you have, and the hope you keep alive among those who, like me, love the girls. Also, the patience you guys have, especially against the haters, is admirable. I love the fact that you keep going. Because this is your sacred place, as it should be.

This is the very first time I’ve ever done anything like this. I’m what can be defined as a ‘silent fan’. I never commented on anything in the girls’ posts, not even on the fan accounts I follow. I don’t have Twitter. I have Facebook but it’s like I don’t have it because I don’t use it. I have Wattpad (obviously). I recently registered here on Tumblr, and I have Instagram. That’s what I use. It’s the only app along with YouTube that I use daily to keep up with the rest of the world. Especially the American part of the world. I’m Italian, but I speak American English well, and I apologize in advance if my lazy ass hasn’t noticed possible grammatical errors. I saw that a lot of you are into this stuff, so I thought I’d add it just because. I’m a Capricorn Sun, Cancer Moon, and Virgo rising.

I’m gonna turn 29 on December 22, and this is a BIG fuck off to all the people who have attacked you lately for your age. This is personal information that I give freely to make ignorant and small-minded people understand that, in this context especially, age is irrelevant. As you, little fucker who hides behind a computer to attack people just to feel stronger, have a life, we have it too. Like you, we have a life, a job, friends, etc. We also have passions. Passions that yes, my dear haters, also include shipping people. I don’t know why in your stupid brain we’re too old to ship people we love and to give opinions about it. I didn’t know it was something reserved only for those who still smell like mommy’s milk. But anyway…

I became aware of 5H existence just before summer 2015 thanks to ‘Worth It’. Being Italian, however, I had no idea who they were, and to be honest, I didn’t go searching for them. Randomly one day then, I ran into Camren on YouTube. I can’t remember which video I was watching, but I know for sure it was about ‘Heya/Brittana’ (Heather Morris and Naya Rivera/Brittany and Santana, my very first hard LGBT ship). And among the suggested videos, there they are. As ridiculous as it sounds, and although I liked them as soon as I saw them, I didn’t go searching for them. I did it when ‘Work from Home’ came out though. From there, I connected that they were the same ‘Worth It’ group and the same two girls I liked from those YouTube videos. I had officially become a fan. I was screwed. Screwed because, I’d officially entered one of the most messed up and yet most beautiful fandoms ever.

As I initially said, this is the very first time I’ve ever done anything like this. But after the recent events, seeing how many people gave up, it made me a little angry and gave me the strength to speak for the first time. I thought the first time would’ve been through the fanfiction I’ve been working on for over two years, but no. Lauren and her beautiful mouth had to terrorize, disappoint, panic, and make angry 80% of CS, thus fueling the hatred of all the other fandom towards us. So I decided to speak now. Maybe, just maybe, this very long ass post of mine is gonna help struggling CS. Maybe, just maybe, it’s gonna make them reason and bring them to their senses.

So. This, as I think you’ve understood, is about Lauren and what she said in the podcast. This is a reminder of the Laucy situation. These are things we already know and that I want to remind you of because apparently, my lovely fellows CS, either you have a short-term memory, or Lauren has the power to create amnesia in people’s minds and I knew nothing about it. Surely this power of hers didn’t work on me and a few others.

Oh and, before starting: 1) You may disagree with me. It’s normal to have different opinions. 2) You can search for information such as dates, easily on the internet. 3) I’m gonna use nicknames on PRs for fun. That doesn’t mean I hate them. I have my reasons for dislike each one of them as people, but I can assure you it has nothing to do with the fact that they were or are the Camren beards. An example to make you understand what I mean is Ty. I’m a huge Ari fan and I’ve been listening to ‘safety net’ non-stop for two days straight. I really dislike Ty as a person, but I separate the art from the artist.

Okay, that said, I can start.

Lauren said: “I knew I was queer because I fell in love with my best friend when I was like 15.” – “Her and I started to have a physical connection when I was 15.”

Lauren and Lucid Vivisectionist met when L moved to Carrollton in 7th grade. Lucille moved back to Puerto Rico in February 2012, returning to visit Miami occasionally (this explains the fetus pictures with Lucy and Camren at L’s house). In February 2012, Lauren was 15, Camila 14, and Lucy 16. And who did Lauren meet when she was 15? Oh yeah, Camila. C and L did the first phase of the audition, the ‘cattle call’, on May 1, 2012 in Greensboro, North Carolina. Audition where Camila took courage to speak at the (“Oh my God that girl is) literally so beautiful” girl from which she felt intimidated by starting that adorable brief conversation “Hi, I like your shirt”, “Thanks. I like your jacket” just before it was her turn to get in for her audition. In May 2012, Lauren and Camila were both 15 years old. Lauren and Camila saw each other again for the first time on July 25th, two months later, in Miami on the first day of boot camp, and it was Lauren herself who went to Camila: “You’re the Cuban girl!”. In July 2012, Lauren was 16 and Camila was 15.

Lauren said: “She came back into my life when I was 18. I was on tour and I was in my room in a hotel somewhere, and she called me.” Let me explain to you why I think this is true.

Lauren and Luxy reconnected with each other after Lucy’s car accident that took place on May 15, 2015. Lauren was really 18 in May 2015, and we can rule out The Reflection Tour dates because it started on February 27, 2015, and ended April 6, 2015. We can also rule out these other show dates that 5H did: April 11 in Jackson Township, New Jersey - April 13 at Live! with Kelly and Michael in New York - April 19 Lauren was at Coachella with Keana, Britt, and other friends - April 22 at the Worldwide Radio Summit in Hollywood - April 25 at Radio Disney Music Awards 2015 in Los Angeles - May 8 at Channel 93.3 Summer Kickoff 2015 in Chula Vista, San Diego - May 9 at Wango Tango 2015 in Carson, Los Angeles (May 9, rumors about Camila and Louis Tomlinson just because paparazzi believed they were together when Louis was actually together with Liam outside the Project Club L.A., and C who was at the club next door) - May 15 at KDWB Radio Show in Minneapolis, Minnesota.

The rest of their program and possible date: May 16 at Kiss Concert 2015 in Mansfield, Massachusetts - May 19 at Dancing with the Stars in Los Angeles - May 30 at G-A-Y in London (rumors about Lauren and Louis Tomlinson this time, born because 5H went to Libertine nightclub with Louis and Niall) - May 31 at Britain’s Got More Talent in London - June 2 at Capital FM in Birmingham, England - June 5 at Good Morning Britain in London - June 6 at Capital FM Summertime Ball 2015 in London - June 12 at Aloha Stadium in Honolulu, Hawaii - June 14 at LA Pride 2015 - June 18 at Jimmy Kimmel Live in Los Angeles - June 20 at B96 Pepsi Summer Bash 2015 in Bridgeview, Illinois - June 23 at San Diego County Fair 2015 - 28 June at Show Of The Summer 2015 in Hershey, Pennsylvania - July 10 at Rockefeller Plaza in New York. July 15, 2015, beginning of Reflection: The Summer Tour.

June 27, 2015 Lauren turned 19, and do you guys remember the events of those days? Because I do.

On June 24, 2015, Lauren celebrated her birthday in advance at the famous sushi restaurant ‘Katsuya’. Among the guests were the girls, her mom Clara, some friends, including Jill (the same Jill/Jillian Gutowitz who worked with Zack Sang and who 5H met on April 22, 2015, at the Worldwide Radio Summit, which lasted for three days but they were present for two: 22 and 23. The same Jill who wrote the article for AfterEllen on January 25, 2016, about her experiences with women who denied their sexuality. Remember the story of Lauren Jordan, right?), and Noah Benardout (may he rest in peace). Still no Lucia, not even on the days when Lauren returned to Miami to celebrate with her family before resuming the program from the 28. As I already said, The Reflection Summer Tour began on July 15, 2015, and Lucy’s first public reappearance took place on one of the tour dates, that is, July 27 at Baton Rouge, Louisiana.

From that moment on, we saw Lucille appear on multiple occasions in hops through time. After the July 27th date, we saw her during the trip to Hawaii with Lauren and Keana in September, followed by the concert that the girls had on October 10 in the Bahamas, where they stayed with their families and friends for a few days. After the Bahamas, the mess happened between 5H because they found out about Camila’s departure from the group which initially should’ve been immediate, but for which they fought and gained another year. That, was also the time when Laucy signed their PR contract. As we know from Lauren herself, that was the worst and darkest time for her. That was the beginning of her numbness.

On October 23, they were on their way to Italy and Lauren wrote on her dark diary, the one shown to us in Episode 8 of her Attunements. On October 24, they arrived in Milan for the MTV Europe Music Awards 2015 occurred on October 25, and on October 28, in Madrid instead, there was the interview with Alyson Eckmann, the journalist Camila flirted with while Lauren was sitting right next to her.

Going forward, in November we have:

- Rumors about Lauren and Julius Dein (his friend who is a YouTube magician).

-The release of IKWYDLS including the rumors about Camila and Shawn and Michael Clifford (who was already in the picture) who were ‘vying for her’.

- Beginning of Lauren’s coming out plan which included: 1) The release of The Vamps’ album on November 23rd, that is, a week after the release of IKWYDLS, and which included the track ‘I Found A Girl’. Joe O'Neill, the manager of The Vamps, liked that famous tweet. Despite the efforts to make us believe that Bleahren (sorry for the Italian pun I made here, but ‘bleah’ in Italian is equivalent to the ‘eww’ to indicate something gross, and therefore Bleah-Ren) Brauren was real and that the girl involved was Lucille and not Camila, they’ve miscalculated since Lauren and Brad ‘dated’ in 2014 when Lucy had not yet returned into Lauren’s life. But since the album and consequently the song came out on November 23, 2015, they tried to manipulate people’s minds as usual. 2) Jill’s article that served to connect and more or less ‘confirm’ the story between this Jordan and her childhood friend, Lauren-Lucy.

- December: completion of the 7/27 album + Dina LaPolt’s entry + renegotiation of the contracts (mostly DNA’s contracts) + FIFTH HARMONY MUSIC, INC. created by LAND on December 21 to prepare for the transfer of the 5H trademark, the FIFTH HARMONY PARTNERSHIP, of which they became owners from April 27, 2016 + change of management from Faculty Management: Jared Paul and Janelle Lopez, to Maverick Management: Larry Rudolph, Dan Dymtrow, and Tara Beikae. [All things that were possible ONLY THANKS to the exit of C from the group]

- January 2016, we have Lauren and Lucrezia who came back from Colombia to then taking a road trip for Lucy’s birthday week.

- Jill’s article came out and coincidentally, by pure chance, exactly two days later, on January 27, 2016, Camila and Dinah were hacked.

- On March 9, 2016, Lauren, Normani, Andrea, Dinah, and Keana went to pierce their ears, or rather, Laurmainah pierced their ears, mama Dre and Keana just accompanied them. During her turn, Lauren asked Keana to take her phone to make a video. In the meantime, Mani was filming Lauren, and again by pure chance, Keana, who was in the heart of the frame, took Lauren’s phone as she’d asked, and both the lock screen and the home screen portrayed a picture of Lucania during a photoshoot. Same picture Lucy herself posted on Instagram on April 10th to leave no doubt.

- April 24, 2016, Coachella together.

- Luciana went with 5H in London, in May, during the promotion of the 7/27 album. (+ Camren video of May 28, 2016)

- She was present during the start of the tour in South America on June 26th (in the evening during the concert, L danced Big Bad Wolf for her, but that’s not the famous video, that was on September 5) and 27th to celebrate L’s birthday together (picture of the 27th of them in Buenos Aires).

- June 27, 2016, on L’s birthday, Jill posted a picture with L from the birthday dinner of the year before, further confirming the story of ‘Jordan’.

- August 1, the national girlfriend day, L posted a picture of her and Lucy.

- From August 12 to 21, Lucy was with them. The night after the concert on the 13th in Rochester Hills, Michigan, videos in which Lucilla appeared during Lauren Fuller’s birthday celebration at the hotel for dinner. On the 14th in Noblesville, Indiana, during Gonna Get Better and Big Bad Wolf Lauren smiled in Lucy’s direction who was in the audience. On the 18th in Virginia Beach, Virginia, a fan met Laucy in a movie theater restroom, taking a selfie with Lauren (C posted a picture of her in the dark with the words of Bad Things “don’t think that I can explain it” the same night).

- On September 4 and 5 Lucippe returned. On the 5th in Houston, Texas, the famous ‘super HD’ video took place in which Lauren danced Big Bad Wolf for Lucy, even pointing to her during her verse. [On September 6, Midland, Texas, during the Q&A, Lauren wore the same dress that Lucy was wearing to the concert the night before, and at the same time, she sat next to C and got jealous when C complimented a fan by sending her flying kisses. Ahh… The irony]

Now. Let’s move on to the part of the podcast where Lauren explains about the kiss with Lucza at her uncle and aunt’s wedding, how her aunt “super innocently” posted the pictures on Facebook that her “unreal invasive fans” found and posted, how Perez Hilton outed her to the world by posting an article with those pictures, how she did nothing for a week, and that after thinking “Ok, it happened. People know. What am I gonna do?”, she wrote that letter against Trump as her own way of coming out.

On November 4, 2016, Lauren and Lucynda did the ‘famous’ photoshoot in New Orleans called ‘Bare With Me’. Lauren flew to NOLA right after Halloween, got back to Miami to vote, then returned to New Orleans on the 10th along with her family for the wedding. Lucianna was also with her on the 10th for the rehearsal/bowling with all of Lauren’s relatives. Meanwhile Orange Trumpeter was elected on the 8th, and many celebrities were preparing to write a letter through Billboard against him and his supporters. Labels and management saw it as a perfect opportunity to get her to come out also considering how much Lauren has always been vocal on the subject, and THEY contacted Billboard to get her to participate in exchange of the exclusive of her coming out. All that was missing was the evidence to make sure that there had been no connection with Camila, and that was the reason for the kiss at the wedding on the 11th.

On November 13, the wedding photographer posted those pictures on his website, including the one of the kiss. And I’m sorry, Lolo, I love you but, really? Who are you kidding? The pictures didn’t start spreading because her ‘unreal invasive fans’ found them on her aunt’s Facebook page where she’d posted them ‘super innocently’. The pictures started spreading after the photographer posted them! And you know what’s even more funny? That to see those pictures on the website, you needed an access password. So what are you saying here, Lo? That your ‘unreal invasive fans’ were so good, to even have hacked their way into the website for pictures they didn’t even know existed? It wasn’t your team, was it? Oh, okay. My bad.

Sarcasm aside. The pictures started to spread, Perez tweeted about it on the 14th, and in the meantime Lauren had time to write the letter that was approved by the labels and sent to Billboard (on the 14th), who approved it a couple of days after it was sent (on the 16th), and which they then published it in the article two days later (on the 18th). In all of this, on November 15, 2016, the girls all went to Epic’s party. Since we know very well that most of the cases of coming out as bisexual in the industry made by a female celebrity occur in succession with the connection with a guy, that night there was the PR proposal between Typo Dolour Signal and Lauren that he obviously accepted, and in fact, he was there that night at that party too (Picture of C with a tear mark on her cheek).

Now, the icing on the cake of the Laucy’s PR: Nicole Cartolano. Nicole is a friend of Lecy’s with whom she had already worked together and who also posted pictures of Lauren on November 17 and 22, 2016, one on December 31, 2016, together with Marian Hill taken backstage after Lauren’s performance with them on the 30th, the night before, for the Snow Globe Festival in South Lake Tahoe, California, and the one of Laucy (with the piñata) on January 10, taken the same night to celebrate Lucilia’s birthday at midnight and that Lauren also used to post it for wish her a happy birthday. That was the last public interaction between the two. *Slow entry of Tympans Dollhouse Signalized in the picture from January 4, 2017, thanks to that tweet*.

On January 21, 2017, Lauren and Lucy were at the same Women’s March, but separately (single), and we haven’t seen them together anymore. LuBYE. On March 22, 2017, both ‘Bare With Me’ and the interview article Nicole did with MTV News (she confirmed that Laucy had been together by having an on-again, off-again for years and also said a lot of other bullshit like the fact that the girls were nervous because they didn’t know how their parents would’ve responded) came out. On August 13, 2018, Nicole officially apologized to Lucy for being angry with her for posting the pictures and therefore for having outed her and for having taken part in the MTV interview without their permission. There was also the screenplay made by Nicole’s mom to make everything even more true.

Bullshit on bullshit on bullshit. Number 1, Lauren herself confirmed in this podcast that her parents knew about her, and said how much she loved Lucre’s ‘I’m out and proud’ part.

Number 2, Nicole posted a preview of the pictures on March 18, 2017, so if she really wanted to stop her before the publication on the 22nd, she would’ve had time to do so.

Number 3, Lucita came out publicly on her own with that Spanish post on Instagram on November 20, 2016, saying in summary that she was anything but straight because she didn’t want to label herself (she did it years later by saying she was a lesbian).

Number 4, as Lusia also confirmed in that post where Nicole’s mom left that comment, Nicole signed a non-disclosure agreement form. If she had actually violated it without having had a release and written consent form, she would’ve been sued.

Number 5, if Luciferase really wanted to have that conversation in private with Nicole’s mom, she might very well have done so. She could’ve contacted her and answered her IN PRIVATE for real, and not via IG where EVERYONE saw and took the side of poor, poor Luckless.

Number 6, the biggest proof that shows the hypocrisy of all this, Lucasta continued to work with Nicole. Their last work dates back to November 25, 2019.

Okaay, sure… sure, because it was normal for her to continue working with the person who outed her, wasn’t it? People’s lies never cease to amaze me. For that matter, Nicole also posted a picture of their ‘adventure’ as they made their way to the photoshoot location on November 1, 2017, and continued to wish them both a happy birthday with posts every year.

And lastly, on June 6, 2020, we have the Lucerne’s video leaked (+ old pictures and videos of 5H) where she burned pictures of Lauren and of the two of them together in 2017, accompanied by the tweets occurred two days later, in which she explained that she was hacked and that she burned the pictures for a closure. Then, exactly 20 days later, that is on June 26, 2020, the PAPER Magazine article of Lauren’s interview came out. What a coincidence! In that article, Lauren explained, along with other things, that she’d been in love with her best friend for 7 years.

Lauren, honey, the maths, the maths… If according to your words you fell in love with her at 15, got together with her at 18, and broken up at 20, how can these be 7 years? It’s 5 years… And as if it wasn’t enough, still according to your words, after 1 year and 8 months (from mid-May 2015 to mid-January 2017), 2 months of which public because of the wedding pictures, of the relationship you wanted at all costs, “all in” and “now we’re gonna be in this relationship”, you broke up with her because she was really toxic, and after less than a month, you started dating an even more toxic person without the proper time to heal?? How do you expect me to believe you? And I’m putting aside the fact that I know they’re both PR relationships. I’m speaking out of logic. How? How can I believe you? How does this make any sense?

Personally, yes, I believe Lauren and Lucy have a past. Lauren’s first kiss was when she was 13 (8th grade) with her boyfriend at the time, Dominic, but I think Lucy was her first kiss with a girl. And I think it happened when she was 15, but in 2011, so long before Lucy left. Lauren dated Paul Martinez from June 4, 2011, to the end of July (around 23/24). From after Paul, until her very first PR at X-Factor, Keaton Stromberg, she was single. I truly believe that before she met Camila, Lauren and Lucy did everything Lauren said. I really believe Lauren experimented with her in secret, but I don’t believe in anything else she said at all.

This is my opinion. And in my opinion, Lauren always knew she was queer, and Lucy was the first with whom she could experience the attraction and the feelings towards girls she had always felt and concealed deep inside herself. But they were friends. Just friends. Friends who messed around and experimented together in secret given the environment that surrounded them. Lucy then returned to live in Puerto Rico and they simply drifted apart because of the distance and Lauren’s busy schedule with 5H. When she came back into Lauren’s life, they rekindled their friendship. Just that. Also because, Camila, hello? Camila entered Lauren’s heart the same year Lucy left and never get out of it. Not to mention that Lucy had a girlfriend, Sarah Scott Narcise, before getting together with Nicole Marie Rendón in March 2017. I honestly think that Lucy was also giving advice to Lauren about her relationship with Camila, and I also think that now they really aren’t friends anymore for something we don’t know about, even though I have my theories… But anyway. Lauren needed a beard to be able to come out, Lucy needed visibility for her modeling career and, at the time, also for her music which, however, never saw the light of day. The labels approved because they would’ve done anything to keep their chosen one out of the gay light. Camila also approved. Boom, PR.

I don’t believe all the other bullshit she said during the podcast. Because if they’d been true, they would’ve made logical sense. A sense they’ve been trying, and failing, to give for years. If Lauren really didn’t want to come out, she wouldn’t have done a photoshoot with Lucy a week before the wedding with the intention of using that same photoshoot to come out. She would not have kissed Lucy in a public place during the wedding pictures in front of a professional photographer hired for the event, knowing full well that those pictures would eventually have been published by the bride and groom, her aunt and uncle, and the photographer himself. If she wanted so badly a picture of her kissing her girlfriend, drunk or not, she would’ve taken her fucking phone and take selfies. It wasn’t the fans’ or Perez’s fault. It was the management that was following the plan.

And I’m supposed to, what exactly? Forget all these things, things that have been proofed multiple times in the past, because Lauren, or Camila, or management, or labels, or their contracts, must continue with their stupid narrative? Because Camila must continue to look straight and continue to look in love with Shalt Menstruated because the señorito is about to release his documentary and his album? Because Camila’s movie is about to come out? Because Lauren’s own album is about to be released and because the subject matter of her female-pronounced songs must only and exclusively be related to Lucy? (Although I think her album will be out next year. I think a song with female pronunciation is coming out soon. And no, I’m sorry, I don’t think it’s Burning)

Guys, come on…

Think about it. She used Lucy as a shield to tell part of her story with Camila that happened in 2014. It all fits. Even the story told through songs from Camila’s cocky POV, including ‘Like Friends Do’, ‘Eyes on You’, ‘Cleopatra’, ‘Leave for Good’, and a couple from her last album like ‘Should’ve Said It’ and ‘Feel It Twice’.

I understand why many of you have been hurt by this podcast and by Lauren herself. I understand why a lot of you are angry about the things she said. I see you, I understand, I really do. And everyone is free to feel whatever they want, I’m not saying otherwise. But I really don’t understand why you’re hiding or why you’re abandoning the ship. Authors who don’t wanna write anymore. Accounts closed. Names changed. Hope lost. This, all this, makes me angry and hurt. Because you fell for it. And you know why you fell for it? Because Lauren changed her approach. Leaving aside the part just before when she said: “Even when I talk about it, and I don’t talk about it because I’ve learned to just ignore it because-” and there, I swear I had to pause because I burst out laughing, and I was like: “Bitch, you’re the one who pulled this out of your ass out of nowhere right this second, what are you saying?”. She went on by saying, and she knows us so well because of this: “I just chose to ignore it at a certain point because getting angry to them would it mean that it was real and validate it more for them”.

And it’s true. This non-angry approach of hers, worked like a charm. Lauren’s older, she’s more mature than before. Although she was very nervous, she managed to explain everything calmly. The fact that she was emotional and almost cried in many parts, it really gave an extra boost to what she tried to sell. And I’m not saying she faked almost crying. Hell, no. That was super true and hard for her. I’m saying though, that it’s really easy to manipulate people’s minds, and Lauren used her real pain, the real suffering she has gone through over the years to tell this charade. That’s why it seemed so real. And I’m supposed to fall for that shit just because that’s what they’ve wanted for years, right? Convenient much?

Guys, please. You’re smarter than that, use those beautiful brains. For example, the fact that Lauren said: “I was queer, but she was not”, wrong as you want it to be, and “Camila and I were just really good friends at that time”, yeah, sure, Jan. Doesn’t the very fact that she used the past tense make you realize that it was done to completely detach herself from her IN THE PRESENT? Everything she said was for something. Everything had a purpose. And the goal is always the same. Make us stop shipping ‘em. Putting a label on C only served the Shoestoremila purpose, nothing else. And those were words that came out of the mouth of the one who says she doesn’t like labeling people. The same one who was pissed that someone had outed her before she wanted to. Do you really think she’s that hypocritical?

The fact that she put all the CS in the same box, especially when she talked about the Daddy situation, WAS DONE ON PURPOSE. She couldn’t fail to generalize because their purpose is, and will be for a long time to come, to kill Camren. That means the whole fandom. Not just invasive elements. But really all the CS. The purpose was to make us feel guilty. The purpose is to make us accept that it was never real, and since we care about them, to make us continue to support them individually and not as a couple, even though she knows that the real CS do it regardless. This, is called manipulation, guys.

Think about everything else too. The inconsistency. The holes in her story. The lack of explanations. And the fact that during the story of how it all happened, she jumped from one theme to another and therefore managed to deflect and not completely finish one before moving on to the other, doesn’t it make you understand that she didn’t want to give too many details? And when does that usually happen? She knew we’d analyze her. She knew she couldn’t say too much. When she talked about Lucy, she knew that WE know she was talking about Camila, and with too many details, it would also have been obvious to the others because WE would’ve pointed it out to everyone. I mean, it’s obvious enough in itself, imagine if she’d fed us more information that we would’ve compared in the timeline.

Please, guys. I know that it feels like something’s changed, but it’s not. It’s really not. I’m appealing to all of you. Open your eyes. Reason. I know many of you still have conflicting emotions and feelings, and that’s okay. If you’re still upset, if you still wanna cry, then cry. Do whatever helps you feel better because, especially after the haters have come to bite your asses, you’re entitled to feel the way you do. But please, please, don’t give up. If you give up, you just play their game. You just do them a favor. You guys had invested so much of your time, so much of your passion, so much of yourselves to just, give up. Think of all we’ve been through, especially those who’ve been in the fandom for years. Think about how happy Camren makes you. They were there for you when you needed them. When you were going through hard times. I know they’ve helped a lotta people.

And think about this too. Lauren herself said at the beginning of the podcast: “The news and the media are constantly spinning narratives for your clicks so they can make money”. And what do you think this podcast was for? It’s always the same shit. Have you not noticed how the very same news and media have ALL talked about them? Didn’t you notice how My Oh My magically returned into the charts? How 50ft surpassed the 9 million streams on Spotify? And you still have doubts?

This is instead for the CS who get often angry about their actions. I personally think it’s pointless to blame Lauren and Camila for every single thing they do that has been PLANNED for them. Especially Camila as far as Shonas is concerned. There’s a pattern here too. Lauren had her light PR with Lucia. Lauren then had her heavy PR with Typic Dole Sight while Camila had a light one with Eatchu. And now Camila’s having a heavy one. C’s one is heavier simply because they’re much more famous than PRen (Tyren) were. So, guys, be patient. There’s really no point in getting angry and blaming them. It’s a waste of energy. It’s useless to blame them if they’re gonna continue to do so over the years to come. They’re just still trying to get past their original contracts and survive in the industry at the same time. Sooner or later, I HOPE, they will be free to tell the truth or the truth will come out on its own.

Well, I’m done. Jeez, that was long, wasn’t it? But I hope it was worth it. I hope I’ve cleared your heads a little bit and instilled some hope again. I also hope I made you smile with all those nicknames and my sarcasm. I especially hope that wherever you are, you’re having a good day, and if not, then I hope it has improved at least a little bit with this post. And thank you so much, Stuck. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to use my voice for the first time publicly/virtually. You, above all, keep on being one of the lights and NEVER let them turn you off. I love you guys. Stay safe. Stay strong. Stay patient. With love, F.

I leave you with these two pearls:

Number 1. Lauren said something else too. She said: “Don’t trust me. Go research. Go look this shit up yourself”. I know she said it for a completely different context, but I found it really funny given the situation.

Number 2. This is a small scene that automatically created itself in my head as soon as I finished listening to Wonder. I titled it: The sad and short story of the making of ‘Wonder’.

Enjoy:

*on the phone*

Shawl Mendicant: “Hey, buddy. I know you were a huge Fifth Harmony fan and I know you love my fake girlfriend, so I was thinking… could you help me? You know, I need her to stay relevant, but to do that, I also need to release music and completely take all the credit from other people because, you know, the most I do is change a sentence or two in my style to make people think that I wrote all my songs.”

Sam Smith: “………okay?”

Shawnita Menorrhagia: “So, I was wondering, can I copy your homework? You can totally refuse if you want to, but I’m hoping to appeal to the love you have for 5H and Camila, and maybe help a friend out?”

Sam Smith: “Yeah, sure, you can copy my homework. Anything for my girls. Just, change it up a bit so it doesn’t sound too obvious you just copied it.”

Shonas Mended: “Don’t worry. I’ve got this. Thanks, man.” - *ends the call*

Sam Smith looking at the phone with an incredulous expression and one hand over his heart: “I came out as a non-binary, you insensitive asshole!”

Shoes Mentionable from the other room: “Cameeela! He said yes!” *reaching then Camila and Lauren in the living room where Lauren is lying with her head resting on Camila’s legs who’s running her fingers through her hair with one hand and holding the book that she’s reading with the other one* “You were right, all I had to do was mention you girls.”

Lauren chuckling and continuing to pet Cleo who’s lying at the foot of the couch with one hand: “Told you”, to then adding: “And please, I know you’re excited because of the news but keep your voice down”, continuing to caress Sofi’s head who’s sleeping on top of her with the other one.

Shapeless Mentality: “Oh, sorry.”

Camila without looking away from her book: “Sam’s really nice. I’m sure they would’ve said yes even without the need of mentioning us.”

Lauren: “Hmm, I’m not so sure about that, babe. Yes, they’re very nice, but we’re powerful in their minds, so it was an added incentive for them to say yes.”

Shaved Mentholated: “Who are they? Weren’t we talking about Sam?”

Camila who was giggling at her girlfriend’s words:

Lauren:

Sinu from the kitchen:

Cleo who was nibbling her toy:

Even Thunder, Leo, and Eugene from outside into the yard:

*the end*

Chon Mendable: ‘Wonder’ - Sam Smith: ‘One Last Song’

____

OMG I am speechless. I’m really still digesting this whole story because it’s amazing but I wanted to start by saying hello to you and telling you my name, my name is Marite. It is a pleasure to meet you dear friend. I don’t want to write too much because your words are much more important than mine but I wanted to thank you for trusting me and my blog to tell me your story. That side of the story that, being new and not having been a harmonizer from the beginning, I never learned. I intended to ask for more information about Laucy’s Timeline but what you have told is a gem. A gem that shows that the bastards of the industry cannot fool the fans because we pay attention to everything and it is not easy for us to fall for their shit. I think the power we fans have is so great that if we all came together, we could bring down this whole fucking fake empire that they have created. That said, Laucy’s story is surprising. As planned and how each person involved had to do their part on the chessboard. Incredible. Now that you tell me that story, I think it fits the one I wrote in my once upon a time post. Sure, yours is true and has everything that mine doesn’t. I have tried to keep this blog open for all who wish to come and air their ideas, their thoughts, their tea. And you dear friend, you have been one of the best so far. You’ve given us that support that the fandom so badly needed and I really appreciate it. I also appreciate your humor, the nicknames have been so hilarious and I’m still laughing. Thank you for daring to tell this part of the story and reopen the can of worms of a PR that right now resurfaces with that Lauren interview. With a purpose, it’s true. And something tells me that we will see much more very soon. Thank you for your support, my friend. And you know, you have my blog at your disposal for whatever you need. And if you need to talk or anything else. I greatly appreciate that we can continue to keep this ship afloat among ourselves. Among a group of intelligent people who have been hurt by someone we have always loved very much even though we know the reason for all that. We can’t give up now because if we do it like you say they will win and I personally don’t plan to indulge them in that. Thank you very much for all dear friend and I hope you have a nice day. I send you a hug and I hope you stay safe.

#submission #laucy timeline #amazing #thanks you buddy #camren #f anon

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quazartranslates · 3 years

Text

Welcome to the Nightmare Game II - CH8

**This is an edited machine translation. For more information, please [click here]**

[<<< Previous Chapter | Table of Contents | Next Chapter >>>]

-----

Chapter 8: Resurrection Overture (VIII)

When Qi Leren arrived at Chen Baiqi's store, it was 20 minutes earlier than the appointed time. Chen Baiqi was chatting with a woman with her back to him. They both looked at Qi Leren in the doorway, and Qi Leren also looked at the woman.　

That person was a very gorgeous and charming beauty, wearing a gorgeous and complicated low-cut witch's dress and a European top hat. Although her whole person was dressed in dark colours, it made her skin more white, and her bright red lipstick and smokey eye makeup were particularly attractive. When he noticed this, Qi Leren first reviewed why he noticed his sister's makeup at first sight... Was it really a matter of sexual orientation?

"Since you have a guest, I'll take a walk first. I'm tired from the task I just finished. Let's talk about it another day." The beautiful woman smiled at Qi Leren, picked up the women's walking stick at the table, and walked out of Chen Baiqi's shop gracefully.

"Who was that?" Qi Leren asked.

"The Illusionist," Chen Baiqi said.

Qi Leren suddenly remembered that the Court’s Miao Li had mentioned during his dream lessons that the Illusionist had helped cover up his tombstones on the Undead Island in order to hide them from the Slaughter Secret Society. Was it that beautiful woman just now?

"Have you had breakfast?" Chen Baiqi asked him.

Qi Leren nodded: "I’m full."

Chen Baiqi smiled meaningfully: "Don't eat too much next time, lest you throw up."

"..." Qi Leren felt that his future was grim.

"Although we’ve known each other for some time, I’ve never introduced myself properly. Since you will train with me from today, I will introduce myself again. Come with me. " Chen Baiqi led Qi Leren inside. Qi Leren had never been to the back part of the store. When he found that there was a basement with several floors, he couldn't help crying deeply for his future self.

"I used to be the executive officer of the Trial’s Heresy Court. I was mainly responsible for executing the Devil worshippers. Later, because of an injury, I could no longer continue such a high-intensity and dangerous job, so I retired early. Now I’m half an insider who does intelligence." The elevator stopped on the third basement floor and Chen Baiqi led Qi Leren out. The third basement floor was as big as a basketball court. The ground was made of concrete, without any obstacles, and it was scary.

Qi Leren wasn’t very surprised. He had always felt that Chen Baiqi was familiar with the Trials Court. It was to be expected that all of the information she had was somehow related to them.

"In the Nightmare World, so many players have explored 'playing methods' about this 'game' for more than 20 years. Today, I will briefly talk about the 'professions'," Chen Baiqi said.

Qi Leren pricked up his ears and listened attentively.

"Players will receive a skill card when they are in the Novice Village. This skill card is not given randomly, and most players will eventually build their own fighting style around this skill card. That is to say, the original skill card has actually selected the appropriate profession for the player. Take your Novice Village as an example: Dr. Lu, who is with you, is obviously a healer, while Xue Yingying is obviously a berserker. As for you, because your basic skill card is very delicate, it's the first time I’ve heard of such a skill card, so it's hard to judge your basic profession. But it doesn't matter. Most of the skill cards that players get in tasks will follow a certain rule. For example, a healer rarely draws a berserker-type skill card when drawing their card. That is to say, the skill cards obtained in the future are actually based on what you receive as your first skill card. They build around this 'profession'."

Qi Leren suddenly realized: so the skill cards he got later, such as "Rain-Day Laundry", "Primary Fighting Skills", and "Devil Etiquette", including the latest one, "Secretly Observing", all emphasized his profession.

—Assassin.

"I only know some of your skill cards, but I can make a rough judgment about you. You’re an assassin." Chen Baiqi folded her arms and looked at him laughingly. "So congratulations, I’m in the same profession. However, even amongst assassins, they will be subdivided into different categories because of their different personality traits and abilities. After all, everyone's skill cards are different. If you trust me, you can tell me your existing skill cards, and I will not disclose it to others."

Qi Leren vaguely felt that Chen Baiqi would sincerely teach him, and that his answer was the key. Of course, he couldn’t say it. Chen Baiqi would still train him, but she would not give everything to him. Chen Baiqi was... Qi Leren's brain flashed. She was looking for a successor!

Yes, Chen Baiqi entered the game very early and she said it had been eight years, which meant that she was an old player with high strength and rich experience, but it also meant that her time wouldn't be much longer.

Chen Baiqi was optimistic about him and willing to teach him, which was only too important for a newcomer who was still groping for his footing shortly after entering the game, and Qi Leren was very grateful. He didn't think Chen Baiqi had any malice towards him. After all, the gap in strength between the two people was right in front of him. If Chen Baiqi wanted to, she could kill him.

After figuring this out, Qi Leren relayed his skill cards and even told her of his items.

Chen Baiqi said, "You are an assassin. You already have basic premonition skills, detection and latent skills, and even half a camouflage skill. Right now, you still lack a skill to escape and strengthen combat effectiveness—Primary Fighting Skills is too low, it takes too long to upgrade past the basic stage. You can sell it after you’ve been trained."

Qi Leren nodded, "I’ve felt an obvious lack in combat effectiveness. I have no effective means of attack, and often I can only take the same route."

This also led to his excessive dependence on S/L Data as his solution.

"Although skill cards are very good and greatly improve newcomers’ survival rate in this world, I don’t advocate relying too much on them. The Nightmare World is a surreal world. There are many things that we can't do in the real world that can be done here. It also has its own power system. If you want to integrate into this power system, relying too much on skill cards will only hinder you. To put it simply, if you want to become a field-level master, you must quit your skill cards," Chen Baiqi said seriously.

"When you say the power system, you mean the Devils and the Holy See?" Qi Leren asked.

"Yes. With our status as players, if you want to reach the field level, you’re bound to become close to one of them. Because you’ve been parasitized by Slaughter before, I originally thought that your attributes were more inclined to the Devils, but now it seems that maybe you’re more inclined to the side of divine power," Chen Baiqi said.

"How do you see it?" Qi Leren was puzzled.

Chen Baiqi's mouth crooked and she closed her eyes. When she opened them again, they were already a pair of red eyes: "The holiness of your body has exceeded the standard. Maria gave you an important gift before she sent you back."

Qi Leren recalled the warm and comfortable feeling when the dotted light of endless faith had poured into his body, and nodded silently.

"In fact, in addition to these two power systems, there are many magical powers in the Nightmare World. For example, I seldom use investigation skill cards because I once learned the language of birds from an elder. Although I’m not very proficient, I have no problem with basic dialogue. You can imagine how desperate it is to meet me in a wild jungle. This is better than the ability of any reconnaissance skill card. After all, there is no cooldown."

Qi Leren imagined that if he had met such an opponent in the forest during the Witchcraft Sacrifice mission... The birds in the whole forest were her eyes. She could observe every enemy 24/7 without cooldown, avoid any danger she wanted to bypass, and set traps to deal with anyone she wanted to deal with. This was simply terrible.

"Well, with this said, I’ll now begin to test your abilities, including your physical quality, judgment, intuition, and so on. I’ll test your intuition first. If you want to be a good assassin, you can't do without phenomenal intuition. You stand there blindfolded, this won’t take more than a minute," Chen Baiqi commanded.

Qi Leren obediently went to the place she indicated and took the red cloth she handed him, tying it over his eyes. Suddenly, there was only a suppressed scarlet: "How do we test it?"

Chen Baiqi's voice floated from in front of him: "It's very simple. I'll throw some knives at you. You can dodge them with your intuition. I won't tell you when I throw them."

???

! ! !

This wasn’t a test, it was a threat on his life!

"Put away Rain-Day Laundry and only use S/L Data, or else you’ll really die," Chen Baiqi said with ease and pleasure.

"The Prophet told me to use it less," Qi Leren protested weakly.

"Oh, then you don't have to. I’ll try not to aim at anything vital," Chen Baiqi said.

"...Forget it, I'll use it." Qi Leren surrendered and thought he would use it just this once.

S/L Data was activated and the current position was set as the save point. Qi Leren looked at the red before his eyes and his heart beat fast with nervousness. He counted the seconds for S/L Data in his mind.

30, 29, 28...

Chen Baiqi didn't throw, she was walking—Qi Leren couldn't see her or hear her footsteps, but he had a strong feeling that Chen Baiqi was walking around him... She was on his left... Behind him...

Danger, danger, danger!

Clearly there was no warning, no noise, but Qi Leren's mind had already sounded the alarm. He quickly squatted without thinking and a slight wind flew over his head, cutting off two floating hairs.

"Eh? The response was good." Chen Baiqi's voice came from behind him. It was behind him!

Qi Leren stood up and continued to count the seconds: seventeen, sixteen, fifteen...

Under your feet!

Qi Leren suddenly jumped up, and the throwing knife shot obliquely downward and struck the ground with a tang.

Even though he wasn’t hit, Qi Leren still felt a dull pain in his feet, probably from jumping too fast and cramping.

"You’re really good." This time the voice came from above his head!

Qi Leren flung himself forward and rolled on the ground for three or four meters. There was a continuous sound of breathing behind him. Obviously, several throwing knives stabbed one after another—into the concrete ground, and he stopped breathing from nerves. In such a dark place, he directly evaded the ubiquitous fatal danger that made him feel on the verge of a breakdown.

When he stood up again, Qi Leren had forgotten to count the seconds and Chen Baiqi's voice came from ahead of himt: "Well, let's stop here for now."

Qi Leren breathed a sigh of relief and his whole person relaxed from his panicked state, stretching out his hand to untie the cloth over his eyes. When the cloth strip was torn off, there was no figure of Chen Baiqi in front of him—only a parrot standing on the ground and talking with Chen Baiqi's voice, which laughed at him: "Fool."

Qi Leren stood stiffly and a cold wind struck into his torso from behind, the knife piercing his heart. After 30 seconds, S/L Data successfully read the file.

The real Chen Baiqi came from behind Qi Leren with a cheerful demeanor: "This is the first lesson for you: never let off your guard down too early in the face of danger."

-----

[<<< Previous Chapter | Table of Contents | Next Chapter >>>]

#Welcome to the Nightmare Game #欢迎来到噩梦游戏 #danmei

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violetwolfraven · 4 years

Note

I already asked this in the @s, but I’ll ask it here too, javid with either 28 or 23, (I don’t really care) pleaseeee :0

We adopted a kid/kids.

and

What if we kissed because we were arguing and I really wanted you to shut up but we both enjoyed it? Lol jk... unless..?

How about kind of both? Lol. Get ready for a canon-era Something to Believe In scene rewrite with a side of The Truth About the Moon! Also, this gets corny as fuck towards the end FYI.

...

Davey was at home and he couldn’t decide if he wished he wasn’t or not.

He’d helped out at the Lodging House, comforting the others, as long as he could, but eventually, almost everyone was already asleep or dead on their feet, and Race just gave him a look that said he saw how drained Davey was, and told him to go home.

Besides, he needed to get Les to bed and tell Sarah what had happened, as she wouldn’t have heard with her factory job.

So, now, he was out on the fire escape with his twin, while their mom put Les to bed after he cried himself to sleep.

Davey wished Jack making Les cry made him angrier.

“Maybe he had a good reason, David. Maybe he—“

“Shut up, Sarah.”

His tone was barely above a whisper, but Sarah stopped talking for a second.

“David,” she said slowly, “We don’t have all the facts. We know Jack... we know he scabbed on us, but...”

She trailed off, seeming to realize there was no good explanation for this. There were no facts either of them could think of that would make this better.

“The point is, we don’t know what was going on in his head,” she said finally, “Jack’s smart. Maybe there was—“

“Shut up, Sarah!”

Davey turned around, ignoring how now that he had, she would see him trying not to cry.

“Saz, we both know there is nothing you can say to make this better, so why don’t you shut the hell up?!”

She only stared at him levelly, “Is it really me you’re angry at?”

Davey shook his head, “No. No, it’s not. I should be cursing Jack’s name; not yours. I’m sorry.”

“You’re not angry at him, either,” Sarah realized, “You can’t be. You’re angry at—“

“If you finish that sentance, I’m going to say something I’ll regret.”

Sarah stopped talking.

“Look, Saz... just... go. Please go.”

She sighed, “David, things don’t always have to make sense. Feelings rarely do, and... and that doesn’t make it better—in fact, it probably makes it worse—but... damn. I don’t know how to explain this. Just... I’ll go inside if you want me to.”

When Davey didn’t tell her to stay, she climbed in the window and left him alone.

Davey sighed. He was so messed up right now. He was so messed up because... because he wasn’t angry at Sarah. He wasn’t even angry at Jack. He couldn’t be, because...

Long story short, he was angry at himself, because he couldn’t be angry with Jack.

Davey looked up, seeing the moon shining above. At least one thing still made sense.

“Latin name: Luna,” he muttered absentmindedly, “Hundreds of thousands of miles away from here.”

He remembered reading about this. Thinking back on every fact he remembered about the moon was certainly better than thinking about his own emotions.

“No signs of water, or life, or atmosphere.”

At least facts never changed on him. They made sense. Davey wished everything could.

“This is the truth about the moon. The facts are black and white.”

He smiled, despite himself, thinking about only a few days ago, when things were simpler and nobody had gotten hurt yet.

About a boy who made it so not everything had to make sense, because you felt good when he smiled at you, and that was enough, even if it didn’t make sense. Facts didn’t have to matter.

Davey couldn’t deny what he was feeling, even if the facts didn’t make sense.

Jack was a boy.

Jack made Davey feel like no one ever had.

He smirked at the sick sense of humor the universe had and mumbled his thoughts to himself.

“Shall I try to deny all I know from moments that’s gone? Would my heart let me be someone different from me from now on..? No.”

Davey wished he could be angry, but he couldn’t. Because even if it didn’t make sense, he knew how he felt.

And he was completely, stupidly, still in love with Jack Kelly.

That handsome, charismatic, dime-novel cowboy who still believed in a fantasy called Santa Fe.

As confusing as they were, Davey still had some facts about Jack, and he might as well try to organize them.

“Given name: Jack Kelly. Someone who seems to get by with a smile.”

Jack was smart in his own way, could even have a way with words, sometimes, but he had never gotten an opportunity to go to school, or sit down and read a book, and often made his points by appealing to emotion instead of logic; something that was the opposite of how Davey had always done it, yet somehow was still effective.

“Having no substance, he compensates with style.”

It was so effective that he had everyone believing what he said. He had Davey believing in what he said, when he said he cared, when he said he wouldn’t give up.

The truth about that boy was that he was a leader, a protector, or at least everyone thought he was, and he had the kind of eyes that drew you in. That made you want to keep on looking at him and make him see you, too.

Davey still couldn’t quite be angry, but bitterness definitely crept its way into his tone.

“And if I first thought he was who he claimed he was, it’s just because that kind of boy must be good at what he does.”

Davey was so stupid. Jack had admitted that he had a way of improving the truth. He had proved that he didn’t have a problem with lying to survive.

The problem was that he was so good at improving the truth that everyone believed his truth was the real, actual truth.

Revising a previous thought, he lied to survive or to get what he wanted.

And he was too stupid to see that despite all he said, his dream was really of a home, of a family, and it was right in front of him. Santa Fe was nothing he didn’t already have and if Jack still couldn’t see that after throwing away what he had, then... then let him throw it all away and fly away to Santa Fe.

“Santa Fe,” Davey mumbled sarcastically, “You’re the scene of a dream, not a plan.”

A lovely, dream, sure, but nothing that was really out west, that was really real anywhere but right here in New York.

“The dream of a boy, not a man.”

Davey took a deep breath, realizing that he wasn’t close to tears anymore. Sorting through his thoughts and facts, about the boy and about the moon, had worked, for the most part.

He looked up. The moon was still there. It always would be.

“Latin name: Luna.”

He wished the boy was, too, like he’d made it seem like he would be.

It was what had made Davey fall in love with him, how he was clearly always there for his friends. His family.

He remembered that first day, how a few different kids had come up to him and Jack had hugged them, suggested how to fix a problem, helped patch up a scraped knee, all with the patience of a loving big brother even with no blood tying him to the others.

As much as Davey had loved his charisma, his fearlessness, it was that softer, gentler side that he’d really fallen for.

Maybe it had just been an act, but Davey was still in love with him, no matter how much he wished he could just be angry and hate him.

“Lovely name: Jack.”

“Davey?”

Davey reeled back towards the window as he realized who was climbing up next to him.

“Dave, wait, please.”

That tone in his voice, the broken, almost-crying one, was what made Davey pause.

“Give me one good reason not to go inside and lock you out here.”

Jack sighed, “I... I don’t have one. Not for me. I don’t blame ya if you never want to see me again, but... here.”

He held out a paper, and Davey took it, reading with suspicion.

“Katherine wrote it,” he explained, “Pulitzer has an old printin’ press in his basement we can use, and the idea is to pass these out to all the workin’ kids of the city. If we play our cards right, it might just work, but... but I can’t do it alone. And I know Race. I know he won’t so much as talk to me right now, but we need him to get the other fellas to help. Kath’s busy gettin’ some friends who know how to work the press, so... so I need you to get through to him. He’ll listen to you.”

“And who’s fault is it he won’t listen to you?”

Davey hadn’t thought he would be able to summon that much ice in his voice, but he was glad he could.

Jack took a shaky breath, “Mine.”

As he finished reading it... the article was good. Really good. It might actually work, if this was for real.

“Jack Kelly,” Davey warned, “I swear to God if you are bullshitting me right now, I will let Spot Conlon push you in front of a carriage. He already offered to do that, by the way. Race declined.”

“I’m not bullshittin’ you,” Jack promised, “I swear on my life, I—“

“What’s that worth?” Davey snapped, not meaning a word of the angry rant he stepped forward, getting in Jack’s personal space, “Two days ago, you told me you’d give your life for this strike, for these boys, and you betrayed them! You broke their trust, Jackie! You broke my trust!”

“I know, but—“

“No!” Davey shouted, “You don’t get to voice an opinion! You’re supposed to be the one that protects everyone! You know that more than a few of them cried on my shoulder tonight because they saw you as a big brother and you abandoned them? What—for a city you’ve never seen?”

Jack looked like he was going to cry. Davey tried to act like that didn’t bother him.

“Ya know what? Kath is right. You’re crazy, Jack Kelly. You paint a place you’ve never seen and call it home. You say you want a family and ignore the one right in front of you. And you are a goddamn idiot for trading your family in for a place where you will never find what you’re looking for.”

“I... I didn’t do it for Santa Fe.”

Davey scoffed, “Then why?”

Jack’s eyes still had something broken inside, but some of the strength from before everything started to go to hell was starting to come back.

“I did it for you.”

“What?”

“I did it for you,” Jack repeated, louder, “Pulitzer threatened you, by name. He mentioned Crutchie and Les, too, but he said he’d come after you and... dammit, I couldn’t let that happen. I couldn’t let you go to the Refuge.”

“This was always going to be dangerous, Jack. That’s not good enough.”

“You don’t know nothin’ about the Refuge.”

“I knew the risk when I signed on to this strike with you!” Davey argued, “I knew from day one it could end in me goin’ to jail getting hurt or even dying, but I don’t care.”

Jack glared at him, and as he took a step forward, his voice sounded haunted and strong all at the same time.

“You have no idea what you’re talkin’ about.”

“What the hell are you—“

Davey stopped as Jack turned around, having pulled his shirt off most of the way, revealing...

Deep, criss-crossing scars across his back. More than Davey cared to count and certainly enough to shut him up.

“Snyder thinks it’s funny,” he said bitterly as he put his shirt back on, “First time was when I was 13. I got out the next night, but he got me again when I was 15, then again when I was 16. Each time, I barely made it out alive. Do ya think I would ever let one of mine go through that if I could stop it?”

“I ain’t one of yours,” Davey tried to argue.

“No, you ain’t,” Jack grumbled, “Mine let me protect ‘em.”

“I don’t need your—“

“Davey, don’t you get it?” Jack yelled, grabbing Davey’s shirt as he got all up in his face, “Pulitzer knew exactly how to get at me! He knew who to threaten because you won’t let me protect ya, but you’s probably the one I wanna protect the most! So hit me if you want, but agree to the Children’s Crusade because we don’t have time for this!”

Davey grabbed Jack’s wrists, “I ain’t gonna hit you, Jackie.”

“Just do it!” Jack shouted, “I know I deserve it! Kath already punched me in the face and she apologized but we both know I don’t deserve that shit because I’m a traitor and I hurt everyone including you so just—“

That was when Davey kissed him, needing him to shut up shut up shut up. To stop talking about getting hurt like he deserved it, to just be okay.

Jack gasped against his mouth and Davey almost pulled away, but then Jack was desperately kissing him back, gripping his shirt like it was a lifeline and half-sobbing as Davey let him pull him in closer.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered as they pulled apart enough to breathe.

“We don’t have time for that,” Davey whispered back, “Be sorry later. Rally the troops now. I’ll meet you at the Lodging House.”

“Wait,” Jack said as Davey was about to climb in the window to grab Sarah and Les and let his parents know where he was going, “Wait, Dave. What... what’s this about?”

Davey knew he wasn’t talking about the strike.

“Am I... am I kidding myself, or is there really something..?”

Davey rolled his eyes in exasperation, “Of course there is.”

“Well don’t just say it like I happens every day!”

“Jack, I—“

“No! I’m not an idiot! I know boys like you and me...” he sighed, “I know we don’t get happy endings, but... standin’ here right now, lookin’ at you... I just wanna grab hold of somethin.’ Make time stop so’s I can just keep on lookin’ at you.”

“I know what ya mean, Jackie. But we have work to do, so we should just—“

“Wait,” Jack insisted, grabbing Davey’s arm, “Please. Can we just... can we talk? For 5 minutes?”

Davey could see how badly Jack needed reassurance. How bad he needed to see that no, this wasn’t just his imagination, a pretty painting in his head. This was real.

“Look,” he said quietly, grabbing Jack’s hand, “You snuck up on me, Jack Kelly. I never even saw it coming. Till the moment I found you, I thought I knew what love was. But now I’m learning what is true. The world finds ways to sting you, and then one day decides to bring you something to believe in for even a night. And if you’re gone tomorrow... what was ours still will be. I have something to believe in now that I know you believed in me.”

Jack nodded in understanding, “We was never meant to meet. And then we meet—who knows why? One more stranger on the street, just someone sweet passing’ by. An angel come to save me, who didn’t even know he gave me something to believe in for even a day. And if I’m gone tomorrow...”

He trailed off, and Davey grabbed his face gently to make him distract him.

“Do you know what I believe in?”

He hoped Jack could just look into his eyes and see.

They almost kissed again, but Jack pulled away at the last second.

“If things were different...”

They both knew what he was really saying, but neither of them said it.

“If you weren’t still chasing Santa Fe...”

Because he was. No matter how stupid that dream was, Jack couldn’t give it up just after a 10-minute talk.

“If Kath’s father wasn’t probably going to kill me.

“Wait, what?”

“Oh, it turns out Katherine is Pulitzer’s daughter. Don’t worry, though, she’s on our side.”

Davey decided to process that later, “You’re not really scared of Kath’s father.”

“No... but I am pretty scared of you.”

Davey slapped his shoulder gently, “Don’t be!”

“Well...” Jack smiled, finally, “I have something to believe in, now that I know you believed in me.”

Davey couldn’t help it. He kissed Jack again, quickly, then backed up.

“I’ll wake up Les and Sarah and meet you at the Lodging House, okay?”

“Yeah. And by the way, if we’s together now... I should probably warn ya that I might not always have time for ya. I’ve been sorta takin’ care of all the other fellas since I was 14, so...”

Davey rolled his eyes, “Jack, I’m already stuck with Les. I am more than happy to adopt all of your siblings, too.”

“Oh. Okay. Ya know they ain’t actually my siblings, though, right?”

Davey shrugged, “You always act like they are, so it’s close enough.”

“Fair. Guess ya have been helpin’ take care of ‘em these last few days, so the change shouldn’t phase ‘em too much.”

“Yeah, they’ve got bigger things to worry about.”

“So... you’re sure you’re in for... whatever this is? Cause there ain’t no goin’ back in time, so... are ya in for sure?”

Davey nodded, “For sure.”

Luckily, that seemed to put Jack’s mind at ease enough for him to leave.

#newsies #javid #javey #jack kelly #davey jacobs #jack x davey #angst #something to believe in #the truth about the moon #jack and davey are the mom and dad friends #canon rewrite #violet’s writing

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yannfredericks · 3 years

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PLEASE talk about your polly backstory 👀

omg ty SO much for asking!!! 🥺 (and sorry for taking far too long to answer!!)

To me, polly shows obvious signs of being an only child with a massive inferiority complex instilled by her parents for not meeting their outrageous expectations, but I think that’s only if you’re specifically looking to understand why she is the way she is and not just writing her off as Pretty Popular Girl Is A Bitch :) This has gotten very long so I'll put it under a read more!

So in my mind, she’s not only an only child, but the only gryffindor in an all slytherin family. Her family were ~almost~ in the sacred 28 (which they pride themselves on) and only missed out due to the ‘unfortunate’ choice of partners a very select few of their ancestors made. They weren’t necessarily on Voldemort’s side, but I wouldn’t say that they were overly opposed either, I imagine they mostly kept themselves to themselves and skirted by by keeping up appearances and being friendly with, but not close enough to end up entangled with, pure blood extremist families. So not great people needless to say, quite cowardly too in all honesty for all their ambitions of being amongst the likes of the Malfoys. While this mostly concerns her grandparents, they raised her parents to have the same values and general outlook on life.

So then we come to Polly’s childhood. Her parents never really loved her unconditionally so much as loved the idea of her being the golden child to restore their name and carry on their legacy. Which was unfortunate when she failed to show any signs of magic for the first 9/10 years of her life. They didn’t have any real time for her being a child and mostly regarded her and expected her to behave like a little adult. She didn’t get to play or actually be a child really, she was usually left to her own devices outside of schooling and piano classes and was in many ways, raised by the family house elf Pipsey. Polly mostly saw her parents at the dinner table, for breakfast and supper and had the rest of the day to herself, mostly shut in her room with her piano (which, although reasonably good at it, she grew very quickly bored of). She had a very vivid imagination and grew bored of study and lessons easily. She wasn’t given any dolls but managed to make her own out of the clothes she grew out of, while they weren’t very pretty she loved them and could create stories out of the most mundane things since that was really all she had at her disposal. This carries on for the first 6/7 years of her life, she would create stories in her room for hours and was much closer with Pipsey than her parents knew, which meant that Pipsey was often involved in her (very limited) play time under Polly’s instruction. This lasted until she started homeschool.

She was expected to study every day from the day she started school as her parents demanded excellence, which is where the disappointment started but no where near where it ended. She was schooled in a group of other pure blood girls, the children of her family’s friends, which was where she first learnt how effective manipulation and humiliation was. Actually, that’s not quite true, the first person she learnt that from was her father, who seemed to find endless things about polly childish, unbecoming and disappointing. Her mother wasn’t much better, and the more time that passed without her showing any signs of magic, the more resigned and borderline hateful they became of her, calling her a squib and a ‘failed endeavour’, and unfortunately, as children often do, she started mimicking this behaviour around the other girls and found out very quickly how to get what she wanted. Whether that be to get a specific girl to be her best friend, another to be ignored by everyone, to get answers for the homework, to get out of the homework, or most importantly: frighten the girls out of ever bringing up the fact that she couldn’t do magic. She probably made threatening comments about being very powerful and not trusting herself to use magic around them to cover up the fact that she was coming up nine and a half and still hadn’t had a single instance of magic.

I don’t think she really understood how horrible her behaviour was then and likely thought this was normal behaviour bc the girls she was schooled with weren’t exactly nice either, and when that’s how people behave in your home and in your class/every aspect of your life you tend to make the assumption that that's just how everyone is. It made her feel good in the moment, having power over others often does have a certain appeal, however dark, but I imagine she spent a lot of time thinking about it at night and feeling awful but not being able to articulate why. I like to picture her having long chats with Pipsey and skirting around the subject, wanting to talk about it but being too afraid to find out what was making her feel this way.

Skip forward and her parents began to talk about replacing Pipsey, she’s old and a lot slower these days and far, far too indulgent with Polly. Polly, struggling to get her parents attention at the best of times, begs and begs them to keep her on, begs them to just get another elf to help alongside Pipsey instead of getting rid of her entirely, and when they refuse to listen and send her off to her room, she throws the tantrum to end all tantrums, screaming, crying, kicking, throwing things, all the behaviour she has been taught against suddenly comes tumbling out of her until they all realise that she's levitating their massive heavy wooden bookshelf up and up in a very menacing way over her parents.

It’s not her conscious intention to hurt them, but on a subconscious level it’s definitely her desire to make them feel the hurt, upset, and fear that they’ve made her feel, and I’d consider this the first time we see just how strongly she cares for the people she loves. It’s the fear of losing Pipsey that drives her to use magic for the first time. Her parents are OVERJOYED at this display of magic as they’d honestly almost completely given up on her and decide to keep Pipsey as a reward for her display. Not a great thing bc it instilled in her the idea that she can get whatever she wants if she throws a big enough tantrum and is threatening enough, but on the other hand it teaches her to always fight for what she feels is right so... plus Pipsey is so grateful to Polly for working so hard to keep her (as if Polly would /ever/ let anything stand between her and what she loves)

The magic doesn’t come easily after this though, it comes rarely and is quite difficult for her since she’s been raised to be so reserved and emotionless, but she’s felt it now and manages to achieve the barest of minimums from here on out. I don’t think magic is exclusively connected to emotional states or a persons openness but being closed off has definitely been to the detriment of Polly’s power. She’s got a renewed sense of self worth from the experience though and begins to feel once again like she might be able to make her parents proud.

She gets her Hogwarts letter and it is the happiest she’s ever been and it’s the closest they’ve ever felt like a real family. Everything is perfect until the moment she meets Yann Fredericks on the train and her world image starts to crumble.

Yann is easily the nicest person she's ever met and it's confusing and INFURIATING and she has no idea how to cope with it, but suddenly (and she doesn't know HOW) she has a friend and the sorting hat is on her head and she's in Gryffindor with this boy she's only known a few hours and her entire world is upside down.

That first night she creeps down into the Gryffindor common room because she's so confused and sick with anxiety that she can't sleep, only to find Yann down there too. He also can't sleep, but his reason is that he misses his mums and his sister Leah, and the combination of that mixed with his excitement for the years ahead means that he probably won't sleep for hours. They end up talking about anything and everything until they can't keep their eyes open, and although she's still more nervous than she's ever been, she's also made her first real friend. They end up having long, quiet chats in that corner almost every night for the rest of their time at Hogwarts.

She gathers the courage to write to her parents the next day and never receives a reply, which is a reply in itself, and she's absolutely devastated. Not to mention she's not managing any better with her magic, and seems to be just about the only one with this issue except for:

Albus Potter.

Her homeschool days come back to her and suddenly she's picking on Albus and pointing out all his flaws and the fact that he can hardly manage any magic it all and now no one even notices that she can't get her feather to levitate or a broom into her hands because they're all noticing that in Albus. It's not nice and it doesn't make her feel good, but it's a relief to not have to worry about herself when she's got everyone laughing at someone else's misfortune. And in doing so she makes another friend: Karl Jenkins! Who seems equally as keen to make jokes at the expense of others, and who introduces her and Yann to his friend Craig Bowker Jr.

I could go on and on but it's already taken me like, a year, to answer this!! and it gets a bit more just 'story' rather than 'backstory' from here so there you have it! I'm sorry for taking an absurd amount of time and for rambling so much and probably only making a small amount of sense but there you have it! I love Polly so much and I'm so excited for her to grow, mature and get the help that she needs to become the person that she's meant to be <3 Thank you thank you thank you for asking!! I am literally always down to talk about Polly, or any other member of the gang, and I will endeavour to do better than a year's turn around in future <3 love youuuuu

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boke---hinata---boke · 3 years

Text

HP headcannon

TW: A shit load of reading. tears, and feels, lots of them. Also this was inspired by the sentence in bold which I was going to use in my standardized test writing section. And this makes no sense chronologically (im adhd af alright.)

Voting is important because if there was a vote then Sirius Black wouldn’t have spent 12 worthless years in Azkaban and harry wouldn’t have been raised in an abusive household rather with wolfstar dadfoot and mommy.

Harry would’ve known all about the marauders and by the time he enters Hogwarts he knows all the secret passages and where to find the map. He also knows where to hide from Filtch, prefects doing their rounds and teachers. Harry has long since been an animagus. He would’ve entered knowing all about his parents (siriusly all about them, good and the bad.) he would have entered being a pranking god and reusing some of his dads old tricks. Every time Harry pranks he gets a howler from Sirius about how proud he in which sirius proceeds to flirt w Dumbledore, gossip w Minnie, tell Draco to tell his dad that he’s a bitch, also tell Draco that if he doesn’t stay over for christmas he will have to listen to Sirius sending a howler everyday of him singing, and then Sirius going on to roast tf outta snivellus and properly cuss him out (he also adds in some hair flips and talks ab how supperior he is.) Harry 100% would call minerva Minnie and Minnie would be like a grandma who visited a l l t h e t I m e. He would be a flying god by the time he enters Hogwarts and is immediately on the team (Sirius likes to credit himself but we all know it was Minnies excellent coaching.) In first year when he has to get the sorcerers stone he roasts tf outta voldy “I thought a bitch who couldn’t kill a fucking baby said sum,” “no literally mate you coulda just thrown me out the window but noooo,” “don’t talk to me till you get a nose you fuckin wanker.” Harry would’ve flirted with Dumbledore to get out of detentions. Harry would’ve grown up hearing stories about Regulas and about Sirius’s family and how he was brought up. Instead of shutting down Malfoy he would’ve frickin adopted him and they would be bffs; as close as Sirius and James. Malfoy would 100% join in on pranks and plan some of them but he would never get caught. Harry hating Lockhart and cONSTANTLY pranking him (almost as much as he pranks snivey) Harry constantly reminding him of how his uncles repeatedly outranked him for the hottest wizard award. When Harry is sorted he would’ve been a MAJOR hat stall because the hat would really push for him to be in his true house *cough cough slytherin* but harry doesn’t want to leave Malfoy, he also doesn’t want to leave Minnie nor does he want to leave his parents house (and uncles) and most of all, he doesn’t want ANYTHING to do with Snape. Instead he meets Ron and Mione in the house and introduces them to Draco, at first Draco really doesn’t like them but once he starts to know them he questions his families teaching (silently of course) and decides he doesn’t want to be like them. Harry being bffs with Nott, Zabini and Pansy (they were all actually crucial in the taking down of the dark lord. When Harry hangs out with them it's just all sass and sarcasm and dark jokes (the number of people they have SCARRED). Draco and Mione being the only responsible ones and help them study all the time. Draco and Harry never sitting separately and if they do they always find some other way to communicate. Draco and Harry sitting at each others house tables ALL THE TIME and it really pisses Snape off (that may or may not be why they do it.) Draco hating Snape with a passion and yelling at him whenever he’s mean to Mione. All four of them having nicknames for each other. Draco and Mione came up w a playbook together with long elaborate shit like “initiate Page 387 paragraph 4 up section 3 clause 12.” Draco and Mione tying for first every year. God help everyone when they start to compare owls. TH E S L E E P O V E R S. All of them spending so much time in the kitchens. Draco is soooo nice to house elves because of that and actually co-founds S.P.E.W. Draco and his Slytherin friends sleeping in the Gryffindor common rooms because the password is too bigoted and they refuse to say it. The golden trio promptly begins to help, Mione looks for a spell to reverse it, Harry and Ron forcefully trying to remove the portrait meanwhile Neville brings snacks, blankets and says that they did a good job (Neville also being the one the Slytherins go to when they feel bad because of blood supremacy, Neville promptly reminding them that the fact that you feel bad and refuse it shows how good you truly are.) All of them are Neville defence squad and Neville supremacy 100%. They all repeatedly tell him how they would die for him. Draco hating Bellatrix for what he did to Neville. Draco and Harry immediately trade schedules to see what classes they share and swapping common room passwords. Draco is actually an heir of Slytherin but they all know its not him doing the attacks. Draco being with Harry in the chamber and trying his best to call off the basilisk while also telling Tom how he disgraces the Slytherin name. Draco being so nice to muggle-borns and creates a club where he helps them adjust to the Wizarding World (Sirius hears and promptly send sweets and howlers about how proud he is saying “I knew he was good oh you Lucius spawn you I’m so proud.”) Draco being really happy because Sirius knows that the Sacred 28 families look down upon affection so he doesn’t get told this by his parents. Sirius dotes on Draco always giving him affection because of this. The first time it happened Draco was like “what is this” and the golden trio’s heart broke, from then on they always display physical affection to him, hand holding, hugs forehead kisses, pet names you name it.) Draco also crying a lot because it’s the first time he’s had this since he was like 2 and doesn’t think he deserves it because of how his parents are. Draco threatening anyone who says shit about any of them and the four being as close as the marauders (so much so that all the teachers have flashbacks and ptsd from all the pranks.) Harry H A T I N G Snape for all the shit he did and calling him snivellus. Sirius hears and cries because he’s so fucking proud. Harry having to be held back from tackling Snape anytime he makes a lily reference. God have mercy for anyone who was unfortunate enough to be there when he saw snapes patronus because “it’s not love you nazi bitch! you fucking betrayed her and then got all but hurt you stalker esque bitch.” Remus literally keeping Sirius 100% in the loop when he is dada teacher man knows everything going on. Harry going to Hogsmade only to see Sirius “coincidentally” there. Sirius and Draco actually having a lot in common and Sirius completely loves the kid like wtf he’s Malfoy blood I have to hate him. When Voldey returns Draco beating up anyone who calls Harry a liar. Draco working as a spy for the order and doing little undetected acts of rebellion to help Harry. Instead of outright trying to be disowned Draco just uses everything to his advantage and is on the umbitch (Draco came up w the name) too spy yet again and healing anyone who had to use the fucking quill. In seventh year Draco and Neville begin to really work together and really like each other (platonically though) but god they are so FUCKING SARCASTIC WHEN THEY’RE TOGETHER. Draco teaching Occulmency and how to pretend like you're being Cruciod. Draco and Neville being actual besties. At the battle of Hogwarts Draco saving both Sirius and Remus and calls them both dad (they both teared up a LOT.) In the battle of Hogwarts Sirius shows up and fuckin runs over voldy w his motorcycle, Sirius also bringing a machine gun and going insane. Draco ends up killing nagini and his aunt. Draco also being known as a savior.

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questionsonislam · 4 years

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What is the importance of meeting other people’s needs and being good to them?

It is one of the most important duties of a Muslim to do other people favors and not to hurt them. The Messenger of Allah (pbuh) said: “A Muslim is the one from whose hands and tongue other Muslims are safe.” (Bukhari, Faith, 3-4; Muslim, Faith, 64-66).

The Prophet also said: “The best friend in the sight of Allah is the one who is good to his companions; and the best neighbor in the sight of Allah is the one who is good to his neighbors.” (Bukhari, Faith, 31; Tirmidhi, Goodness, 28).

The believer is a person who waits for every opportunity to do favors and who does favors without a single minute of hesitation whenever s/he has got the opportunity and who has put his/her heart and soul into doing favors. Besides, according to a believer, favors can be done not only to human beings but also to animals and plants. In this sense, feeding a hungry animal or watering an almost-faded plant are favors, too.

The Prophet gives the following example about favors and evil things done to animals: “A prostitute was forgiven by Allah and put into Heaven, because, passing by a panting dog near a well and seeing that the dog was about to die of thirst, she took off her shoe, and tying it with her head-cover she drew out some water for it. So, Allah forgave her because of that and put her into Heaven." (Sahih al-Bukhari, Anbiya, 54/538; Muslim, Salam, 153-155)

On the other hand, the Messenger of Allah gives the second example as follows: “A woman entered (Hell) Fire because of a cat which she had tied, neither giving it food nor setting it free to eat from the vermin of the earth. And the cat died of hunger and that woman went to Hell because of that.” (Bukhari, Musaqat, 9; Muslim, Salam, 151-152).

Favors and kindness that are done to human beings - which are the most honorable of all creatures - are so precious that they cannot be compared to those done to other beings and are superior to them. In a Quranic verse, people to be good to are listed in accordance with their importance as follows: “Serve Allah, and join not any partners with Him; and do good- to parents, kinsfolk, orphans, those in need, neighbors who are of kin, neighbors who are strangers, the companion by your side, the wayfarer (ye meet), and what your right hands possess: For Allah loveth not the arrogant, the vainglorious.” (an-Nisa, 4:36)

When the verse is carefully examined, we see that we are ordered to do favors and kindnesses to a wide range of people including the whole society after we are warned that we must not attribute partners to Him and must worship sincerely. First, being good to parents, to relatives, to the orphans and the poor are listed. Then, being good to those who are in our neighborhood, who are our relatives, being good to who live away from us or those who are not our relatives, or to those who are not Muslims are listed.

Commentating on the verse in question, The Late Elmalili mentions the following hadith in the section related to neighbors:

“Neighbors are divided into three. First, if the neighbor is a relative and Muslim, he has got three rights: right for being a neighbor, right for being a relative and right for being a Muslim. Second, he has got two rights if he is not a relative: right for being a neighbor and right for being a Muslim. And the third one has got one right: right for being a neighbor. This is a neighbor who is either a Christian, or a Jew or an unbeliever.” That is to say, even if the neighbor is a follower of another religion or an unbeliever, it is his right for being a neighbor to be treated well. The best goodness that is valid in all corners of the world and in all kinds of situations is a believer’s representing the virtues he has got in the most appropriate and beautiful way and showing these virtues and beauties in his personal life, domestic life and social life. We are then ordered to be good to our friends in the verse, and our best and closest friends are our spouses. Actually, they are called friends for lives. Our spouses are followed by our other friends.

As already known, all kinds of kindness and favors done to relatives are called “sila ar-rahm” (reunion with relatives). Sila ar-rahm covers many types of kindness and favors from complimenting them, smiling at them, saluting them, asking their news to wishing the best for them, visiting them, meeting their needs, sharing their sorrows and giving them financial support. Especially in our day, ways of kindness and favors have been forgotten and almost all relations with relatives have been broken off.

Unfortunately, in our day, when parents and grandparents grow old to be unable to meet their daily needs on their own, they happen to find themselves in rest homes for the aged. These places are called “rest” homes; yet how can one be restful in a place where their children and grandchildren are not and they cannot see their children that they brought up with utmost care and cannot say “I am a parent, too”, where they cannot see acquainted people who look at them with affectionate and respectful eyes, where never a plate for them is placed on the dinner table and where generally their news is not asked at all? We designed a fake peace in our minds and said that those places are peaceful and we insisted on it, too. And we keep forcing them to feel that fake peace that we think there is and we seem to say: “They just eat and drink and sleep, how nice! What else could one ask for?” However, a human being is not a creature that can find peace in eating, drinking, and sleeping without doing anything else. Human being is a creature that is interested in his environment, in nature and in close contact with his children, grandchildren and even great-grandchildren. Yet unfortunately, today we have confined him to eating, drinking and sleeping.

These institutions are needed by some of us and are necessary, or course. They are places to find peace in for those who have got nothing left that will keep them in their homes anymore. Yet, those who send their aged ones away from home should think once again whether these places provide them with peace really.

Another group of people that we should help is said to be people stranded on their journey at the end of the verse stated above. The word “ibn sabil” in the Arabic origin of the text covers both stranded people and people who are our guests. The verse orders us to be good to slaves finally. However, thanks to Allah, there is no slavery today.

In short, when we consider the verse with a wide point of view, it is possible to say that we must be good to almost all people, regardless of religion, language, race and culture. In fact, we have adopted the understanding of waiting for an opportunity to do a favor to someone who has been bad to us and thus, instead of punishing that person because of his badness, directing him to think over what he has done, to regret it and to be good, from this verse and the likes.

The spirit of the good deeds: Pleasing Allah

Allah placed in hearts of all people the feeling of being good to other people. In this sense, every individual has got the potential to be good. This is a necessity of human disposition. However, there is a significant difference in terms of virtuousness between being good because of the potential of being good that Allah placed in everyone and being good as a result of contemplating Allah the Glorious. Just as one should love or dislike for the sake of Allah, so too will being good for the sake of Allah earn believers thawabs and also being good for this reason adds a different depth to deeds.

Let us make the subject more concrete with an example: A believer can save an ant from a difficult situation with the potential of goodness present in his disposition. It is impossible to say that it is not thawab. However, being good with the feeling and thought of “There is a potential of goodness in me. But, my Allah, I am doing this just to please You.” adds a different depth to goodness. Therefore, the reason for our goodness is the spirit of our goodness; actually this is the same about all or worships, too. This is also called “ikhlas.”

Let us finish our words with a hadith which puts Allah’s wide mercy and good will into words:

“Doubtlessly, Allah created the good and the evil and then declared them. Now, whoever wants to do something good yet does not do it, Allah records one thawab for it. If he wants to do that good thing and does it, Allah records it by folding it tenfold and seven hundred folds. If he wants to do something good and does not do it, Allah records one thawab for it. If he wants to do that bad thing and does it, Allah records it as one sin.” (Bukhari, Riqaq, 31; Muslim, Belief, 207)

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wiseabsol · 4 years

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WA Reviews “Dominion” by Aurelia le, Chapter 12: The Seal

Link: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/6383825/12/Dominion

Summary: For the Fire Nation royal siblings, love has always warred with hate. But neither the outward accomplishment of peace nor Azula’s defeat have brought the respite Zuko expected. Will his sister’s plans answer this, or only destroy them both?

Content Warnings: This story contains discussions and depictions of child abuse, emotional abuse, physical abuse, sexual abuse, and incest. This story also explores the idea that Zuko’s redemption arc (and his unlearning of abuse) is not as complete as the show suggested, and that Azula is not a sociopath (with the story having a lot of sympathy for her). If that doesn’t sound like your cup of tea, I would strongly recommend steering clear of this story and my reviews of it.

Note: Because these were originally posted as chapter reviews/commentaries, I will often be talking to the author in them (though sometimes I will also snarkily address the characters). While I’ve also tried not to spoil later events in the story in these reviews, I would strongly recommend reading through chapter 28 before reading these, just to be safe.

Now on to chapter 12!

CHAPTER 12: THE SEAL

Alright, on to chapter twelve, “The Seal,” my favorite chapter of “Dominion!” This is going to be a much longer review than the others, so do be warned in advance.

In regards to the author’s note, I do not envy the amount of research and posing you need to do to handle fight scenes in this story, but I admire how much work you put into it. I think the fight scenes really shine! The other points of discussion here are also interesting, namely regarding Iroh, who we’ll be seeing more interiority from as time goes on.

Into the chapter itself! Oh lord, cricket wasps—I hate the insects in the ATLA world, I really do. So in this flashback, twelve-year-old Ty Lee has snuck over to Azula’s quarters and is watching her through the window, while hanging upside-down from a tree. God, I miss being young and able to climb trees like that with ease. But anyway, Azula is wearing one of her mom’s old robes during the hottest part of the summer, because symbolism and because Azula is sick as a dog. Ty Lee doesn’t know that yet, though.

“Not at lessons, or meditating, or any of the other stuff Li and Lo said every time Ty Lee had tried to call on her in the past two weeks.”—This indicates that Li and Lo are aware of what is going on with Azula, and haven’t done anything to intervene on her behalf. Not that that would be easy, since Ozai is the Fire Lord, BUT—and this is key—in this continuity, they were Azulon’s concubines. Given that there hasn’t been mention of them having Azulon’s bastards in the main story (unlike with Iroh in “The Road”), this implies that Li and Lo had access to birth control. So they could have given some to Azula in the form of tea, or—since they haven’t revealed that they know what is going on to her—to Ozai to give to Azula. They would still be accomplices to Ozai’s abuse, but they could have done some damage control. They didn’t, though. Nor did Ozai. Maybe they all gambled on Azula being too young to conceive, which, A.) Is really gross, and B.) Is ignorant of them, since teenagers who grow up with good diets tend to have their first periods between ages 11-13. They should have taken more precautions. Or, you know, NOT forced Azula to have sex.

I’m getting ahead of myself. Ty Lee is under the impression that Azula is trying to ghost her, and thinks something about Mai that I’m puzzled about: “Something about, they never said anything before—” I feel like this is about Zuko, somehow. Did he not say anything to Mai before he went into exile? I think it’s implied that they already had something going on before he left, given how quickly they got together after season two, but there might have also been a comic that went over how Azula got them together, and used their relationship to secure Zuko’s return home?

“But those old ladies were Azula’s servants, right? So if they were lying to her, it was like Azula was lying to her….”—I think Ty Lee shows a touch of classism here, because she doesn’t consider the possibility that Lo and Li might be lying to her for their own reasons, or that they might be trying to drive a wedge between the girls. Heck, they might even think that Ty Lee is annoying and are just messing with her. She assumes that Lo and Li and Azula are all aligned, because she was taught that that’s what’s proper from servants—that they will align themselves with values of their employers and carry out their wishes. This might even be true in a healthy household, where everyone values each other and are pitching in to make their household a good one. But the Royal Family’s household isn’t healthy, and Lo and Li have more agency than Ty Lee gives them credit for.

Also, it boggles my mind that Lo and Li, the concubines, are Azula’s servants. What in the world did the court think that they were teaching her? I can only assume it was things like cosmetics, fashion, and feminine arts like tea ceremonies, but goodness, weren’t there actual instructors for those, both in the capitol and at the Academy? Possibly Azula chased those teachers away, since Mai says in one chapter that Azula bullied their instructors at the Academy. But still, I can’t imagine no one raised an eyebrow at Lo and Li being assigned to Azula.

“The other girls at the academy said Azula was a liar, even Mai did, but Ty Lee knew she didn’t lie about that. When Ty Lee was being annoying or childish or empty-headed, Azula told her so, she didn’t just invent excuses not to be around her. Mai said it was because Azula didn’t care what she thought. That was the only reason she was honest with Ty Lee. But Azula didn’t care what anyone thought except her dad, and she still lied to all of them….”

We know that Azula lies and that she’s quite good at it, BUT I suspect that what was happening at the Academy was more a case of Azula being bluntly honest, and the people she was talking to not wanting to believe what she was saying. Also, with Ty Lee’s ability to read auras, she—unlike Toph—might be able to catch Azula in a lie, even if she can’t discern what the truth is based on her readings. So I think that Ty Lee has a better grasp on Azula than Mai does, while Mai is less likely to excuse Azula’s toxic actions out of sympathy for her.

“She shouldn’t say goodbye to her friend while she was thinking all these unkind thoughts that probably—definitely—weren’t even true.”—She’s such a sweetheart. This is the chapter that swayed me to the Azula and Ty Lee ship.

“Azula didn’t even know she was out here, Ty Lee realized. But she was practically impossible to sneak up on—“—Because she’s sick, Ty Lee. But also, it’s depressing that Azula is constantly on her guard.

“Azula must not know Li and Lo turned her away, or she wouldn’t ask that.”—Told you, Ty Lee. They have their own agendas.

Ty Lee discusses how Azula’s aura has appeared to her in the past, including this sad line: “Even forest green when she used to watch her mom with Zuko.” Azula has always been jealous of how close Ursa and Zuko were. I suspect that she wanted that closeness with both of them, especially her mom, but none of them knew how to connect with each other.

“Her shadowed eyes were fever-bright, and only stood out more starkly for being lined with kohl.”—Azula, if there’s a day to not bother with make-up, it’s today. I know your little perfectionist heart won’t allow you to skip your routine, but if you’re spending your day vomiting and sweating, throw those cosmetics into the back of the drawer and don’t bother.

“Ty Lee couldn’t remember the last time she saw Azula with her hair down….”—So no sleepovers lately, eh?

It turns out that Ty Lee’s family are having her followed because they’ve made a match for her, and Ty Lee isn’t into it. Azula is similarly not into it and is confused, because it doesn’t seem to make much sense—Ty Lee is very young and has older sisters that still need to be married off, so this seems out of the blue.

“Ty Lee hesitated at that. If she told her the whole story, Azula might try to stop her. She always agreed with her dad.”—There we are, it’s not her family’s idea, it’s Ozai’s. It’s sad that Ty Lee thinks that Azula will automatically side with Ozai on the issue, but it’s also a commonly held belief about Azula, and something that Ozai has cultivated. I don’t think that anyone has tested what might make Azula break from Ozai—the closest she’s gotten to doing so was when she lied to her father, namely for Zuko after Aang’s “death.”

Ty Lee tries to deflect Azula’s questions by saying that her family wants to get her hitched before she runs off and joins the circus. And because Azula does, in fact, care about Ty Lee, she doesn’t laugh at the idea, but is instead hurt that Ty Lee is planning to leave—specifically, that’s she’s planning to leave HER. Azula is terrified of being left alone, now that Zuko, Ursa, Mai, and even Iroh have all left her behind without a backwards glance.

“Ty Lee just glimpsed what looked unbelievably like panic on her wan face”—Ty Lee has never seen Azula panicked before. Or heard her curse before, which is what she does after vomiting into a vase. Ty Lee holds her hair back like a true friend. Somewhere, there’s a college AU of these two having a drunken night out and Ty Lee making sure that Azula doesn’t get vomit in her hair.

“‘You’d think it’d stop after—’ She stopped then, like she only just remembered something.”—Azula nearly slips here, and I do have to wonder what she almost said. After the potion took effect and the cramping and bleeding started? I’m assuming that the expelled fetus would be too small to see at four months, but I don’t know enough about fetal development to know if that’s correct, and I don’t want to look it up.

Ty Lee tries to ask her what she’s sick with, which Azula deflects. When thinking about what Azula could have said that she was sick with, I did wonder if Azula would have gone through a poison training regime at some point—been exposed to increasing doses of X and Y poisons to build up an immunity to them? Of course, this would have to be done under the supervision of a trusted doctor, and who knows if Ozai would trust a doctor enough for that.

“A pulpy mash of what might have been crushed leave, shredded stems, and petals lavender and yellow”—I believe Azula has a double-dose of tansy and pennyroyal here. She also heats up her own tea, which I believe Iroh does too, suggesting that she has equally fine control over her firebending. Zuko, I think, is implied to overheat the water, making for bitter tea.

“‘Just a miscalculation,’ Azula said almost to herself, and Ty Lee heard how she paused over the world, like it wasn’t her own.”—This plays into a couple of things. Azula has a deep fear of making mistakes, in large part due to being raised by an abusive parent who wouldn’t accept anything less than perfection, but also by the trauma of how own his mistakes have physically and psychologically affected her. It also adds another trigger to why Azula blew up at Mai at the Boiling Rock. Not only was she betrayed and abandoned by Mai, but Mai unintentionally reminded her of the pain from a past miscalculation.

“dumped a heaping spoonful of some off-white powder into the cup and stirred”—I wonder what this was?

When Ty Lee points out that Azula’s medicine doesn’t seem to be working, Azula says, “‘It just needs time,’” and I want to sit her down and discuss the sunken cost fallacy, and how you definitely don’t want to apply it to medication. Azula mentions that she wonders if she’ll ever get the taste out of her mouth, and I’m pretty sure she’d get nauseous if she tasted it again, given how aversions work.

“‘I’ve been taking it every few hours, by Fa—by our physician’s orders.’”—This is an ugly little detail. It’s possible that Azula’s “reaction to the herb” later in the chapter isn’t due to it having an unexpected side effect, but because she had way, way too much of it because she followed Ozai’s orders, rather than her doctor’s instructions. Which isn’t her fault, by the way—it’s Ozai’s.

“Ty Lee wondered if Azula could heat her hand to make it a hot compress, like the warm washcloth her Nana would drape on her forehead when she was sick. That always felt so good.”—I doubt that Azula has ever had someone give her a hot compress, so she wouldn’t think to do this.

“‘Listen, you don’t have to run away.’ She drew a deep breath, as if bracing herself for an unpleasant undertaking. ‘I’ll talk to my father. He might get your parents to back off.’”—It’s so telling that Azula isn’t looking forward to asking her father for help.

Ty Lee admits that Ozai suggested the match, and follows it up with others way that Ozai has tried to elevate her family that they’ve declined. Azula puts two and two together and realizes that Ozai—who presumably already got rid of Mai by putting Mai’s family in charge of Omashu—is trying to do the same to Ty Lee. He’s trying to isolate Azula from her loved ones, both because it lowers to risk of their secret coming to light, but is also a classic abuse tactic: make sure the victim has no one but the abuser in their life, and thus no one else they can turn to for help and support.

“‘They’re a cadet branch of your family, from back before Fire Lord Sozin.’”—I’m surprised that Ozai hasn’t found a way to get rid of them. Also, Aurelia, you need to read the Kyoshi novels, because I think you would dig the Fire Nation politics in book two.

“She didn’t start talking again when she saw the look on Azula’s face. It was like someone walled off the last window into her prison cell…. Ty Lee couldn’t guess where that came from, when the princess was the most powerful person she knew. But it fit. Somehow, it fit.”—This hurts so baaaaaaad. But yeah, Ty Lee, you were literally the only bright spot in Azula’s life, and probably the only one who loved her for who she was. Azula is looking at a future where she’s alone with her abuser.

And what does Azula do in response? She puts Ty Lee first. “‘Then you have to go,’” she says, because if Ty Lee doesn’t run now, Ozai is going to find some other, crueler way to get Ty Lee out of the picture, and Azula knows it. When Ty Lee hesitates, Azula lashes out, trying to drive her away. But what she says is rooted in her own insecurities about being abandoned. In her moments of doubt, I think Azula genuinely thought that Ty Lee was looking for an excuse to leave her, too. Even though it’s apparent that Ty Lee cares about her.

“‘Do you think I don’t know we were only introduced because your parents were trying to betroth you to Zuko?’”—That is audacious of a minor noble family, not going to lie.

“her fingers clenching like they always did at the mention of her banished brother.”—Proof that Azula is upset about Zuko being banished, even if she can’t admit it to herself.

“This was the first Ty Lee heard of it, but she guessed it might be true. It was beside the point anyway. ‘That’s my parents, Azula. Not me,’ she insisted, approaching the white-faced princess. ‘You’re my friend, and I care about you. I’m here because I want to be here.’”—Ty Lee is so precious and Azula should date her. Alas, queer relationships are illegal in the Fire Nation, at least during the time this story is set in.

Azula continues to break down and is close to outright crying, which makes Ty Lee’s heart sink. We get this bit of info: “‘Don’t you remember how you felt when your grandad tried to arrange a marriage for you? I mean, I know you were younger, but…you wouldn’t want that for me, would you?’” So Azula was not pleased about having to marry her cousin, Lu Ten. I don’t think that info has quite been revealed yet—I think Ursa thinks about it later—but that’s what’s being referred to here.

“She climbed the shallow steps to sit beside Azula, as close as she dared.”—Even back then, Azula didn’t like being touched. That or Ty Lee is afraid that Azula will hurt her, but I hate that reading.

“‘What I want doesn’t matter,’ the princess spoke with an awful finality. ‘It never did.’”—Holy HELL does this break my heart. I’ve also been there, so I want to wrap Azula up in a hug, even though I know she’d hate that. Also, does Azula know what she wants? What SHE really wants, and not what the people around her wants from and for her?

“‘It matters to me,’ Ty Lee said gently, and reached out to lay a hand on her arm in reassurance.”—Ty Lee is trying to kill me with this sweetness. She’s such a good person!

Azula continues to rant poisonously at Ty Lee, and what Ty Lee doesn’t realize is that there’s a strong undercurrent of self-hatred in what Azula is saying: “but it wasn’t worth putting up with me anymore [ . . . ] was it?” She fully expects people to leave her, and is now actively trying to push Ty Lee away, because then at least she can tell herself that she was the one in control of how their relationship ended, rather than feeling helpless.

And why is that trauma there? Well, because of Ursa. “‘You act like you’re doing me some kind of favor, saying goodbye when my mother didn’t.’” Ursa didn’t say goodbye to Azula. That would have left deep scars on her, even if the rest of her family and friends were supportive of her.

Azula then says something that would be unforgiveable for most people: “‘You act like you’re my friend, when the only one stupid enough to believe that is you.’” Azula knows she went too far, because a few seconds later, “the princess had taken one step closer to where [Ty Lee] still sat at the end of the bed, something like regret written on her bloodless face.” I suspect that Azula would have apologized here, but then she collapses onto her knees.

“Ty Lee was on her feet and down the shallow steps in an instant, her own hurt all but forgotten.”—Ty Lee is such a good friend. She asks Azula what’s wrong, but Azula can’t even think up a convincing lie.

It’s mentioned that one of Azula’s hands go into her robe to clutch at her stomach, and when she draws her fingers away, there is blood on them. She’s bleeding badly at this point, but the heavy clothing is covering it up. At this point, a servant comes in and tells them that Ozai has summoned Azula, despite the fact that she’s very sick. Ty Lee is appalled, but Azula insists on going. Azula orders Ty Lee away, but of course Ty Lee isn’t about to go now.

“She didn’t even get to hug Azula goodbye! And what she said about—about not being her friend…. Azula didn’t mean that, right? If Ty Lee just gave her time, she’d take it back, she’d apologize like she always did before.”—I think it’s undeniable that Azula behaves toxically towards her friends at points. Hopefully this will be something that she grows out of, but that is probably going take a lot of time and effort.

Ty Lee, hearing Azula struggling to get ready, goes to check on her. “[Azula’s] shoulders slumped hopelessly, and she bit her lip so hard she drew blood.”—This really makes you feel for her. She feels like she has to look perfect in front of her own father while she’s severely ill. It makes me want to punch Ozai in the groin. Ty Lee helps her with her hair, which shows that she’s also very brave, as well as a true friend. Ty Lee is so underrated as a character, I swear.

“The blood was gone from her fingers, and Ty Lee started to wonder if she’d only imagined it.”—Ty Lee is going to have the worst time when she puts two and two together that she was there when Azula was having her abortion. Also when she learns what Ozai was doing to Azula. It’s going to break my heart when it happens.

Azula then gives Ty Lee her royal seal, which the chapter is named for. Azula gives it to Ty Lee so that Ty Lee will be able to get whatever she needs on the road. This will also let Azula keep track of where she is, but Ty Lee doesn’t think of that in the moment. Ty Lee tries to glomp Azula, but Azula braces herself as if expecting to be hit. “‘We’re not little kids anymore,’” Azula says, and I’m like, “Girl, you’re thirteen, yes you are.”

Azula’s rejection of the hug hurts Ty Lee, but Ty Lee nonetheless stays in Azula’s room to wait for a real goodbye.

“And sometimes when Azula’s dad sent for her, she came back upset. She might want to talk about it…. She wouldn’t want to talk about it, Ty Lee admitted [. . .] But she might want someone to talk at her, about stupid meaningless stuff to distract her. Azula acted annoyed when she did that, but sometimes Ty Lee thought she secretly liked it.”—This is so sad, given that we know why Azula comes back upset. I also relate to the distraction tactic. My friends and I use it on each other all of the time when we’re upset.

Ty Lee considers staying a few extra days to make sure that Azula is feeling better, which definitely goes against Azula’s warning—but then, Ty Lee doesn’t know that she’s in danger. Ty Lee continues to wait for Azula, even after it gets dark. “Every time she looked up into that dark immensity, Ty Lee thought it looked like a giant mouth. Like Azula slept in a dragon’s maw.”—Oh look, a metaphor!

In the middle of the night, Ozai comes into Azula’s room in a rage and starts destroying her changing screen, which is another abusive action—ruining her belongings in his anger, rather than anything belonging to him—and is probably also a metaphor, since the screen could represent her privacy.

Ozai quickly realizes that Ty Lee is in the room and reigns himself in, though he’s still radiating rage, and Ty Lee knows that he could hurt her: “And Ty Lee knew a moment of blinding terror, when she imagined his big hands doing to her what they did to the screen….” She actually does think that he’s going to hit her at one point.

He interrogates her on why she’s there, and Ty Lee thinks about how he and Zuko have the same eyes. It draws to mind that Zuko actually has the same explosive anger as Ozai, though he, at least, has the excuse of youth. Ty Lee, brave as she is, questions Ozai about where Azula is, and doesn’t buy the explanation he gives her.

“‘She is a prodigy [ . . . ] My perfect girl….’ Something in his voice made Ty Lee’s eyes go wide. He talked about Azula like—like maybe she wasn’t those things anymore. Like something bad happened to her….”—Woof. First, she shouldn’t have to be perfect. Second, what’s happening to Azula is your fault, Ozai, not hers.

“‘She will sit the Burning Throne one day, with the world for her dominion.’”—Title drop! “‘Nothing will divert her from that goal. Nothing [ . . . ] and no one.’”—What if Azula has different dreams, Ozai? What if she does something wild like fall in love? What is SHE wants to join a circus? Cirque Du Soleil, maybe!

In any case, Ty Lee doesn’t get the hint that Ozai is talking about her, or that he sees Ty Lee as a distraction to Azula. Namely, a distraction from him and his ambitions.

“Ty Lee spotted two servants halfway down the length of it. They scrubbed at a dark stain on the tile floor, working on hands and knees with their heads together, whispering. They fell silent immediately on spotting the Fire Lord, and redoubled their efforts, eyes fixed determinedly on their work and not on the young girl he led by the arm down a side passage.”—Oh, they absolutely know what’s going on with Azula. That he’s dragging another young girl down a hallway is not a good look for him, either.

Ozai shoves Ty Lee off onto a guard to escort out of the palace. The guard, to his credit, is gentle with her. Once outside, Ty Lee considers trying to go back inside, wanting to prove to Azula that they’re friends. However, she heeds Azula’s warning instead, which likely saves her life, since Ozai would done something terrible had she ignored his threats. She would have become a security risk once she knew the truth, after all, and it’s not like she’s her family’s heir.

We flash forward to the present day, with Ty Lee reminiscing on what happened afterwards. Ty Lee wrote to Azula, but I strongly suspect that Azula burned the letters after reading them, and didn’t send letters back because she was worried that someone might use them to track Ty Lee down. That and she was pretending that Ty Lee had stolen from her, so no sense in acting too chummy. Also, Azula is Ty Lee’s “first and oldest friend,” which is cute and probably implies the same thing right back at Ty Lee.

Ty Lee thinks about how Azula’s aura was different when they met again, and how Zuko’s was the same color for a while. She noticed that Azula was cold and lying all of the time (her aura colors meaning, “fear of the future, self-expression, or telling the truth,” “struggling to maintain control,” “anger,” and “survival-oriented”), and was getting worse and worse mentally, especially after Zuko left again. Eventually, it was so bad that Ty Lee was scared of her….

But because Ty Lee is a saint, they reconnected at the asylum. When Ty Lee shows her the seal, Azula has doubts that she’ll put her name to anything again, and I’m like, “Please, there is no story if you don’t.”

“Azula didn’t think she would ever get out of the asylum [ . . . ] Zuko refused to even consider releasing her. He would see she wasn’t crazy anymore if he just talked to her, but Zuko wouldn’t even see her. Yeah, Ty Lee knew they had a bad history, but wasn’t it a Fire Lord’s job to take care of all his subjects, even the ones he didn’t like? It made her mad just thinking about it, about him. Why wouldn’t he listen? Didn’t he care?”—Well for one thing, Ty Lee, if Zuko lets Azula out of the asylum, she’ll have to stand trial. She’ll also no longer be under his control, which he cares about much more than Azula herself.

“Azula said not to come back for her birthday, but she didn’t say when to come back. And Ty Lee was left wondering if the answer was, well…never. No. Azula was her friend. She was as much, and meant it.”—So good to see someone having faith in Azula! You go, Ty Lee!

In the present day, the other Kyoshi Warriors all know that Azula has escaped the asylum, but no one has told Ty Lee.

“her skirts falling to cover the linen pantalettes most Kyoshins hadn’t even know were part of the uniform, until Ty Lee arrived.”—This is very funny, given what it implies about Ty Lee’s love of acrobatics.

Aww, Azula is wearing her hair in a braid like Ty Lee taught her. I know it’s more practical for her long hair, but it’s also sweet (and smart, not wearing it in the traditional Fire Nation topknot).

Ty Lee, our sweet summer child, thinks that Zuko let Azula go. “Azula frowned, and a guardedness stole over her face. For once, she looked more sad than angry at the mention of her brother.”—That stings. But the two go inside to discuss Azula’s escape more, since Azula quickly establishes that she broke herself out.

Ty Lee’s house is a mess, because of course it is, but Azula doesn’t actually mind—probably too tired to. “Ty Lee stared. Since when was Azula fine with messy surroundings? She was such a neat-freak even when they were kids that she cleaned Ty Lee’s room unprompted practically every time she came over. One of the lesser-known benefits of having the princess for a friend.”—This is rather funny. I would also not be surprised if, in a modern setting, Azula was diagnosed with some form of OCD, given this sort of behavior.

Azula is very chill and polite during this visit—you can see how much she’s grown when contrasting this to how she treated Ty Lee in the flashback—and perks up at the thought of food. Ty Lee starts to make breakfast, thinking about what Azula’s escape might mean. We get more about how the Kyoshi Warriors are still bitter at Azula, and how Ty Lee sticking up for Azula drove a wedge between her and the others. “Four years, and it was like they didn’t trust her at all!”—Probably because they don’t, where Azula is concerned.

“And she would do just about anything for Azula. Anything but hurt another friend. She drew that line at the boiling Rock, and for all her doubts, Ty Lee didn’t think the princess would cross it again.”—Good, Ty Lee, I’m glad that you’ve set a boundary. Though you might want to be more worried about Mai now, since she would benefit from Azula being hurt or killed, and is still in demonizing Azula mode.

Apparently, back when they were travelling together, Azula would start the campfire and then do firebending practice, rather than helping cook or set up camp, which was self-centered of her. There’s a faint echo of this set-up here, though it’s happening in Ty Lee’s home, and Azula stays put this time.

Ty Lee asks when Azula escaped, and Azula admits that it was on her birthday—Ty Lee had visited two days before—and Ty Lee asks her a piercing question about why she didn’t want Ty Lee there for it: “Was it because—you didn’t want to make me choose again? Or because [ . . . ] you didn’t think I’d choose you?”

Azula admits that there was some of both reasons in there, which Ty Lee is hurt by. “Azula had issues with trust, she knew that. But she still couldn’t help thinking, It’s like nobody trusts me at all! All she wanted was for everyone to like her. Was that so much to ask?”—This is self-centered of Ty Lee, but I’m amused by how this quote ends. No, Ty Lee, not everyone is going to like you, and that’s okay. It sucks, but that’s just how life is. But she’s what, eighteen, so of course that will take some time for her to internalize. Even though I, personally, do think everyone should like her, because she’s great.

“‘I would have chose you,’ Ty Lee said softly, seating herself beside the princess to put them on equal conversational footing. She reached across the table and their empty plates to grasp Azula’s arm. ‘It was wrong of Zuko to keep you there. I told him so, lots of times.’”—This is such a sweet moment and strikes a great contrast to the conversation they had in the flashback. Whereas Azula lashed out in the flashback and Ty Lee wasn’t sure what to do, now Azula is being vulnerable and accepting Ty Lee’s comfort. It’s really nice.

“Azula looked up with a sad smile. ‘I know you did.’”—My heart!

Azula then surprises Ty Lee by asking about her mother, Princess Ursa, and where Zuko searched for her. Mostly he searched in the colonies (have those reverted to the Earth Kingdom or are they still Fire Nation-owned?), but lost the trail at the Great Divide. That place is such a curse to our heroes, isn’t it?

Ty Lee thinks that this is a new adventure to go on with Azula, which on the one hand, I would love, but on the other hand, I’m offended on behalf of the Kyoshi Warriors. Is she just planning to ditch them? Also, from a meta standpoint, she’d be third-wheeling later on. Azula gently shoots the idea down, but proposes that Ty Lee be her ally among her enemies. Not a spy, but a safety net. Ty Lee initially thinks about how Azula once burned her own safety net, but then thinks, “She’s not that person anymore [ . . . ] She’s changed.” Which I do think is true. Azula has a lot of lingering problems, but she does seem genuine about making things up to Ty Lee. So Ty Lee agrees to the deal.

And then the eggs burn and Azula vomits at the smell. Azula reveals that she’s been getting sick a lot lately, which she chalks up to the Earth Kingdom’s food being too heavy. Ty Lee is skeptical of this, and then puts the pieces together before Azula does: Azula is pregnant! Ty Lee is pretty adorably excited about this, not noticing that Azula is quietly panicking, and asks who the father is, which is a line of questioning that Azula shuts down: “‘He’s married [ . . . ] and even if he weren’t, completely worthless.’”

Ty Lee’s exuberance will not be deterred, but Azula is very much not excited: “I’m on the run from the Fire Nation and Earth Kingdom both. This can only slow me down, and make it harder to hide. I should—“—Get rid of it. But Azula isn’t going to, even though she knows that it’s not strategically sound for her to be pregnant, let alone have a baby. At the same time, abortion carries its own, potentially deadly risks.

“And an awful thought occurred to Ty Lee, one too terrible to put to words even. This whole time, she had imagined Azula falling in love with some handsome guard who spirited her away in the middle of the night, or a brave young general who always loved her from afar and broke her out of the asylum to restore her crown…. But she was pregnant, and alone. That should have been Ty Lee’s first clue something was wrong.”—Woof. She doesn’t think that Azula might have been assaulted here, but she does sense that there was nothing romantic in what happened. Also, her fantasies for Azula are so saccharine! XD

When Ty Lee asks for more info, Azula, blushing with shame, says, “‘I don’t—even remember most of it. It might have happened to someone else.’”—Confirming that she was disassociating in chapter seven.

Azula starts crying and Ty Lee hugs her. Azula returns the hug and rambles about how this is another way for “him” to control her, and how much she doesn’t want him to have power over her, which Ty Lee doesn’t understand. But she’s supportive of Azula and tells her that she’ll get through this, because Azula always figures something out.

Ty Lee takes Azula back inside and notices that her aura is a mix of colors, including lemon-yellow, which she thought happened when Azula was lying, but actually represents the fear of losing control. Which, you know, makes sense coming from Azula. The white with white sparkles is the baby.

“Wow, Azula with a baby. It was hard to imagine. But he’d be next in line for the throne, after Lu Ten and Azula herself. Unless—did illegitimate children still inherit? Ty Lee should know this, she used to be a noble.”—Oh Ty Lee, sweetie. No, bastards don’t inherit unless they are legitimized by royal decree. Granted, it’s possible, even probable, that this child will be legitimized, though Zuko would have to be the one to do it. Unless Azula claimed the throne, in which case, she could do it herself. Which would be great. Upset that monarchal system, Azula, it’s terrible!

“Or maybe she would have a girl! Ty Lee hoped she had a girl, one who looked just like her. Ty Lee wondered what the father looked like.”—Pretty dang similar, Ty Lee! Pretty dang similar!

Kaede, one of the Kyoshi Warriors, comes knocking on Ty Lee’s door to tell her about Azula’s escape. You know, only a month late. Ty Lee yells to try to wake Azula up, because Azula is a light sleeper. Yeah, abuse trains you not to sleep too deeply.

Kaede catches on to the fact that Ty Lee might have Azula around when she sees there are two plates set out, though Ty Lee tries to throw her off the scent by suggesting that she’s waiting for Shan Mo, her newest suitor. Oh Ty Lee, if only you were bi and dating girls too, then Kaede couldn’t catch you out on this lie. Apparently, the men take long fishing trips. Kaede insists on going in and checking the house out, but fortunately, Azula has already fled.

Kaede and Ty Lee follow her into the woods. Kaede is shocked to see Azula looking like such a mess, and Azula, being a quick-thinker, loudly accuses Ty Lee of betraying her. It takes Ty Lee a second to catch on, and her response is hilarious: “You’re mean, and I hate you for ALL TIME!” Even if Ty Lee was an amazing actress, I’m pretty sure Kaede wouldn’t have bought this. Not when Ty Lee has been visiting Azula for years now, with her last visit being a scant two days before Azula broke out. The Kyoshi Warriors might even think she helped somehow, even if Ty Lee didn’t accompany Azula off of Ember Island.

“Kaede had drawn her katana, but actually lowered it along with her fan to glance at Ty Lee in disbelief.”—Your distraction, Kaede, is why you’re about to get your butt whooped.

There is some fighting, which is dynamic and exciting, but this cuteness is what sticks out to me: “Ty Lee couldn’t help grinning up at Azula, when the princess flipped overhead. It was always cool to see her combine firebending with the acrobatics Ty Lee taught her. It made her feel a warm glow of accomplishment inside, as if she were the one to pull that off.”—I blame you entirely for making me ship them, Aurelia. Stuff like this makes me want them to take over the palace and raise Azula’s baby together.

Azula knocks Kaede out, and when Ty Lee goes to check on Kaede to confirm that she’s okay, Azula makes a sarcastic quip about what a relief that is. Ty Lee isn’t upset by this—she’s happy that Azula still has her sense of humor: “Most people didn’t realize Azula had a sense of humor, ‘cause it was kind of a black humor. But when she lost it, that was always a bad sign.”—Contrast this later to how alarmed a certain someone is by Azula’s dark humor, and how Azula reacts to it.

“‘Listen, you’re going to be fine [ . . . ] You’re the most beautiful, smartest, perfect girl in the world!’”—First, be more bi, Ty Lee. Be more bi. Second, Azula just nods in response to this, as if she’s humoring Ty Lee’s views of her. She doesn’t actually seem to believe these things about herself anymore, if she ever did.

Azula suggests that Ty Lee needs to be knocked out when the other Warriors find her, and Ty Lee reveals that she can do that to herself: “Ty Lee had ended up practicing that move on herself and volunteers of varying willingness a lot of times, before she got it right.”—Never change, Ty Lee.

Ty Lee doesn’t let Azula leave without a hug this time. Azula hugs her back, and also gives Ty Lee a backwards glance goodbye as she goes. How they’ve both grown since the flashback! Loving the parallelism here!

As Azula heads out, she focuses on the negatives of being pregnant. She then has this truly depressing series of thoughts: “Azula took a moment to wonder if this was how her mother felt about her. If Ursa ever considered ending it, ending her before she ever came into the world. Her mother hadn’t wanted another child, Dad told her. Their marriage had already soured by then, and she was happy in her precious son. But Zuko was a weakling, her father knew it even then. So he demanded another, and her mother complied. She might have acted in secret to prevent him, maybe even did a few times before Azula…. But she could not deny him forever. So Ozai got his wish. And Azula got a mother who hated her existence.”

First, Ozai had no business telling Azula any of that, and almost certainly did it to turn Azula against her mother and draw her closer to him. Second, this paints a very dark picture of Ozai and Ursa’s marriage—a picture we will later learn to be true. It shows the ugliness of a society where divorce isn’t permitted, and where wives are obligated to have their husbands’ children, regardless of what they themselves want.

Azula then starts to consider herself as a potential parent. “Could she do that to a child? [ . . . ] Even if it lived—and with such unfortunate paternity, there was every chance it wouldn’t—could Azula give it that kind of start?”—The fact that she’s wondering this is a promising sign, even if Azula doesn’t realize it yet. It’s also relatable to any victim of child abuse who worries about mistreating their own children, someday.

“You had a father who loved you [ . . . ] How many times did she tell herself that was enough? Enough that he wanted her, enough that he saw her worth?”—Azula, sweetie, if you have to tell yourself this, then it means you don’t have enough emotional support in your life, even from him.

“This baby, if it lived, wouldn’t have even that. Her brother had been happy enough to take advantage, but he didn’t ask for this either. And Zuko never took responsibility for anything, unless it made him look good. His failings were always someone else’s fault. Usually hers.”—This is ugly, but also true about Zuko. I do think that he made progress in the show, between apologizing to Iroh and helping the Avatar. But that doesn’t mean that he doesn’t slip up and fall back into old habits sometimes, especially where Azula is concerned. After all, how would she know that he’s grown as a person, when he’s never showed empathy towards her?

“She blamed the hormones. She blamed her brother, damn him. Damn him. Halfway around the world, and still managed to ruin her life….”—I should note that while I’m not a fan of Zuko’s behavior, Azula is just as poisoned against him. She’s not wrong about this. But she’ll have to deal with her bitterness towards him too, someday.

Azula runs into another group of Warriors and thinks, “They fancied themselves as defenders, not aggressors. Azula counted that about as smart as fighting with one hand tied behind your back.”—This might be a viewpoint shaped by her being a part of a colonizing force, rather than a defending one. I also notice that as she gives them a speech, she goes into a stance where one arm is shielding her core. That could just be a part of the form, but it could also be a subtle, unconscious way of protecting the baby.

During the fight that follows, Azula uses Ty Lee’s techniques against the group, but never aims to kill them—something that can not be said of the Kyoshi Warriors, since they’re using live steel.

“Azula considered them coolly when they fell back to regroup, failing to see the appeal. But then, Ty Lee always did have bad taste when left to her own devices. It was probably inevitable this would extend to her chosen companions.”—Somewhere, Mai is snickering at Azula’s expense. But also, have a little more faith in Ty Lee, Azula.

“A minute’s swordplay, and they forgot that she could firebend. It might almost be funny, if it wasn’t just sad.”—LOL.

“The rain of blows was almost more than Azula could keep up with, her training with blades being nowhere near as extensive as, for example, her brother’s.”—I’m shocked. Azula is admitting that Zuko is better than her at something!

“Never bring a sword to a firefight [ . . . ] Sokka’s little tart might have told you so, if she ever bothered to learn.”—I think this might be the first time that Azula has referenced a member of the Gaang (sans Zuko) by name. It implies that she has a little more respect for him than the others.

One of the downed Warriors says that the Earth Kingdom is planning to take Azula’s head off, to which Azula sarcastically remarks, “‘Trusting to the competence of others [ . . . ] Always a sound strategy.’”—I see Azula’s point that trusting strangers to do a job for you probably isn’t going to work out. However, she should know the value of teamwork, given her journey with Mai and Ty Lee. Possibly she’ll really embrace the concept down the road, but we’ll see.

“And for all that Azula could probably blast enough of them to ashes to make an instructive example, that would hardly contribute to her friendship with Ty Lee.”—Ah yes, making up excuses for why you don’t want to kill people, Azula. Ozai would not have hesitated.

As Azula passes through town, I’ll note there are many men in the crowd, so perhaps Kaede’s comment earlier referred to a specific group of them. Also, as they start to chase after her, Azula does something very cool: “Azula [ . . . ] punched the sand. And blue flames flared from her fist like phoenix wings, surging to twice her own height when they seared down the beach in either direction, drawing a line of fire in the sand. Her attackers scrambled back with gasps and a few yells, when her fire fused the grains to glass and leapt high to hide her from view, fed by her chi. Even those who fought the Fire Navy would not have seen this kata, taught almost exclusively for exhibition firebending. Azula herself hadn’t practiced it in a few months, and was gratified that she remembered it so well.”

It shouldn’t surprise me that Azula knows firebending moves that are for exhibitions, rather than combat, but I love the thought of her tackling these moves just for the joy of it. In a different universe, I could see her taking great satisfaction in winning firebending competitions, possibly while in disguise so as not to sway the judges with her royal status. In fact, Aurelia, let’s maybe add that to the Aunt Tam AU. Tam wants her to join an extracurricular at the Academy. Trophies ensue, which may or may not end up in Tam’s china cabinet (which, knowing her, never actually contained china).

Azula took a tourist boat from Chin Village to get here, which is a fun mental image. She makes a joke about hoping that the villagers can swim, but of course they can. Fortunately, she manages to get away on another boat, but thinks, “Was it going to be like this in every town that recognized her? How tiresome.”—I don’t want to say that’s what you get for being part of an imperialist regime and conquering the largest city in the Earth Kingdom, but…that’s kind of what you get when you do that! XD

Ty Lee wanted to be an actress at one point. I think she made the right call by joining the circus instead, since it’s much more suited to her talents.

“It had been six years to the day Ty Lee ran away for the circus”—That’s interesting. Ty Lee left a month after Azula’s thirteenth birthday.

“An invisible weight seemed to settle in her stomach when she thought back to that, the worst day of her life until she lost the Agni Kai….”—This is very sad. Also, she admits to losing the Agni Kai here, rather than Zuko cheating by having a second.

Now we return to the flashback we began the chapter with. This time, it’s from Azula’s perspective, and she isn’t doing well. She’s dizzy, in pain, and she’s bleeding heavily, enough so that her thighs are already covered in blood, right after she’s changed clothes. She’s worried she’s going to leave a trail before much longer.

“No one could know, no one could ever know, she remembered, forcing herself to take one step, then another. He said, never tell….”—This is horrifying.

“How could there be anything still left inside her? He said that this would end it, he said that it was safe. Their own court physician handed her the prescription, and told her how to brew the tea.”—But did he say how much to take? Also, why in god’s name weren’t you kept in the infirmary? Sure, that would risk someone finding out what’s going on, but if Ozai hadn’t summoned Azula, Azula would probably have bled to death in her bedroom. The only reason that she didn’t die was because a servant went to get a doctor. Alternatively, Ty Lee probably would have gotten a doctor, but either way, sending her to her room alone was a bad idea. You need to observe someone who’s going through this in case something bad happens. Which, you know (gestures wildly at the blood).

“It was too late for these doubts [ . . . ] The time for doubt, if it had ever been, was gone.”—Azula, I’m going to be straight with you. You’re dying. It’s natural to have doubts now.

“Her father was waiting for her, and she couldn’t disappoint him. Especially now…. He had said it was his fault. He miscalculated. She couldn’t have known. He spoke so softly when he said it, he didn’t even sound like himself. But that it happened at all suggested a lack of control. She had to prove she was still in control, always in control. She had to prove he could depend on her in anything—”—Or, maybe, and I know this is wild, Azula, but hear me out: YOU DO NOT NEED TO MAKE UP FOR YOUR FATHER’S FAILINGS. YOU ARE A CHILD. HE SHOULD BE TAKING CARE OF YOU, NOT THE OTHER WAY AROUND. IF HE WAS TAKING CARE OF YOU LIKE A PROPER PARENT, THIS WOULDN’T HAVE HAPPENED.

Of course, I’m talking to a wall of text right now, but sue me, this part makes me emotional.

Azula collapses, much to the alarm of the servant. Azula grabs her wrist and orders her to get a doctor, but the servant is “staring with eyes wide as saucers at something near Azula’s feet.” Which is blood, by the way—a spreading pool of blood. Best case scenario, the palace staff assumes that someone stabbed the princess. But in all likelihood, it’s clear to the servant what this is and what it means. If the servant is smart, she’ll say nothing. But I wouldn’t be surprised if there was a staffing purge after this, and I mean that in a very permanent sense.

“A cold heaviness settled over her like a blanket of snow.”—I wonder how Azula knows what that feels like?

“It was only when she was gone and the abandoned hall grew dim round her, that Azula let her tears fall. It was only then she let herself wonder, if her father intended this all along….”—Ooof, this hurts.

“It was all training. She knew that, he knew that. But he had been very clear. No one else could know. They wouldn’t understand. It would mean the end of his reign as Fire Lord, the end of her place in the line of succession.”—Then why, in god’s name, did you do this, Ozai? Why take on this much risk? I daresay it’s overconfidence, since he didn’t foresee what’s happening to Azula right now, but good lord, he’s really something else.

“He could always have more children [ . . . ] With someone who isn’t his daughter.”—God, I hate this. This poor kid!

“But then…why send Ty Lee away? Azula grasped at the possibility. He must not want her to know what they did, but—But why bother to hurt you, when what he really meant was to kill you? She shuddered, bending in on herself. It occurred to her in that moment that there was something profoundly wrong with her life, if this was the only explanation she could find for it.”—There it is. For just a moment, Azula realizes what how nightmarish her life and her relationship with her father are. She’s going to bury this truth, but deep down, she knows that this is wrong. Even if it’s going to take her years to face it again.

“She wished she hadn’t sent Ty Lee away. She wished it until the same image came unbidden to her mind, as when her friend revealed her father’s hand in this. Ty Lee with a scar like Zuko’s, smiling, still smiling until she winced. And the same pain blossomed in her chest as before, surpassing what she felt now as the sun surpassed the moon. She couldn’t let it happen.”—Azula loves Ty Lee so much, even if she’s bad at showing it. I think that if Azula had to chose between Ty Lee and her father, this tells us who she would pick, even if no one, even Azula, would believe it.

Azula blacks out and wakes up intermittently in the infirmary over the following days. “She was in [ . . . ] the same bed they put her brother in when Dad scarred him, ironically enough.”—Yes, that sure is ironic, considering that Ozai’s abuse towards Azula is what landed her here, just like with Zuko.

“Her father was never there when she woke. She wondered if he came while she slept. She wondered if she even wanted him to.”—Good. Be disillusioned with him. Don’t want him around. I think if you were in any shape to run away from him, I’d encourage you to do so. Catch up with Ty Lee and show off your firebending at the circus. I mean, I know Ozai would track you down soon afterwards, but I just want good things for you, Azula. Staying with him will not accomplish that.

“He drew a chair up beside her bed and took a seat as if this were an invitation. Not that he needed one.”—I hate monarchies and patriarchies so much.

Azula can’t even sit up from the pain, which Ozai frowns at. What a dick.

“It was disrespectful not to look at him when he was speaking, but she couldn’t seem to do it.”—I wouldn’t want to look at him either, Azula. He’s awful. “And she closed her eyes at this, feeling as if the longer he sat there, the less air there was in the room.”—This is a bad sign, Azula, on top of all the warning klaxons and flashing danger lights.

“She raised her eyes to his face and traced the line of his jaw, the arch of his brows, the slant of his eyes. All features he passed on to her.”—Ugh.

“This was kinder than she could remember him being in a long time. It should have made her feel better. But it didn’t.”—She is so defeated here, and I don’t blame her for it.

Ozai, being a despicable person, says that this never needs to happen again—not because he’s planning to stop her training, but because he now realizes that using birth control would be a good idea! Azula is understandably horrified. “She almost died, and he wasn’t going to stop.”—Run, Azula. Run away as fast as you can. You will die if you stay in this relationship. I suspect the only reason you didn’t was because of how the events in the show worked out.

“He must have felt her hands jump under his, because Ozai tightened his grip, his hand grown hot enough to sear her skin. A warning of what she could expect if she failed him. Azula knew better than to betray any sign of discomfort.”—Aang, maybe you should have killed Ozai. I get why you didn’t. I get why the writers of the show didn’t want to go in that direction. But Ozai is a monstrous person. Even if he wasn’t trying to conquer the world and willing to burn whole chunks of it to accomplish that goal, how he treats his children is heinous.

Ozai gives her a speech about why her training is important, and I’m sitting here like, “Cool motive, still sexual abuse.” There were other ways Azula could have learned this material—books, lectures from courtesans, maybe some experimentations of her own when she was old enough for it. Instead, the trauma from this abuse is going to haunt her well into adulthood. None of this is making her stronger, either. If anything, it’s left her vulnerable to inappropriate sexual advances, and has made it so that she dissociates during sex, rather than being present for it.

“‘There will always be those who underestimate you, because you were born second, or born a woman.’ She knew he spoke from experience, and felt the same warm glow she always did inside, when he shared that with her. ‘Do not let it gall you as I did, my dear.’”—This would almost be sweet if Ozai wasn’t an emotionally manipulative jerk.

“He stood then, and surprised her by bending to place a light kiss on her forehead, his big hand cupping her chin. He hadn’t done that since she was a little girl”—I hate him so much. This is also manipulative, though I’m not sure if Ozai realizes that that’s what he’s doing.

“Your reaction to the herb was…unexpected. And Lao will pay dearly for it, once your recovery is complete.”—Lao vanished soon afterwards, never to be seen or heard from again.

“I do not mean to harm you [ . . . ] I hope you never doubted that.”—But do your intentions matter when you DID harm her, haven’t apologized for it, and won’t change your actions to ensure her safety in the future?

“‘I never did,’ Azula said quietly. That almost-smiled tugged at the corners of his mouth then, and she knew that he was pleased. It was the first time she succeeded in lying to her father. Azula felt hollow inside.”—Azula has lost her faith in her father. This isn’t a bad thing, though. What’s unfortunate is that she can’t and won’t leave him, even after all of this trauma. I suspect that she’ll think that she has to take care of him, because he’s a flawed human being who “needs” her. But something has broken here, and I hope that someday, she’ll be able to leave him behind. But it’s probably going to be a long time before that happens.

And that wraps up chapter twelve! As always, thank you for the read, Aurelia!

Sincerely,

WiseAbsol

#Dominion by Aurelia le #Azula #avatar: the last airbender #Fanfiction #Review #WiseAbsol

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we-are-the-rebellion · 4 years

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Everything Is Gonna Be Fine - File 003

Date: 3/5/215

Incoming signal: Hello? Hello? Can anyone hear me? Is there anyone in the wasteland listening to me? Fuck, this is hopeless... We don’t even know if people are alive out there, we’ve never left the region because of the horror stories we’ve heard. CeeCee are you sure? ...Yeah, right. Ahem! I’m Nate, I’m from the Eastern OQ region, and for the last ten years I’ve been fighting in, well to put it lightly, a pretty nasty civil war. The group I was with has been mostly killed or captured and our leader is missing, presumed dead. Please, if someone is out there and can hear this, we need supplies. Wait what’s- Shit! CeeCee get down they found-

Outgoing message: Nous vous entendons. Sur routre chemin.

__________________________

Date: 28/4/215

Location: Wasteland

Kenji had been out in the wasteland for three weeks now. After he had finished reading that repulsive public broadcast, he had stolen some gear and had gone over the wall. It was... Scary. He hated admitting it, he thought it made him look like a child watching a spooky film. But what else was he supposed to feel in that moment? He had grown up with stories about the radioactive monsters that lived in the wasteland beyond the wall. When someone died of The Sickness, their body was thrown over the wall so as not to contaminate anywhere else. That was what the wasteland had always been; radiation, horror stories and disease. That was the only reason he had never run, never jumped the wall and escaped the horrors of living as one of Toronto’s lower class citizens. When Jesse had appeared from the west, it marked something new, something interesting. Jesse was proof you could be in the wasteland and survive. Now obviously, Jesse had had state of the art anti-rad equipment and survival gear, and he had been driven or flown most of the way, only having to walk for the last 400 or so kilometres. But still. “Only 400 kilometres” was still 400 kilometres, it was only small compared to the 4000+ kilometre journey from the Yukon-BC Region to the Ontario-Quebec Region.

Kenji was not a survival expert like Jesse, and he didn’t have state of the art anything, (popular to contrary belief, having a state of the art “resting bitch face” didn’t count) but he wanted to try. After all, he couldn’t stay in OQ. The rich hated him for being the rebel leader, and the poor would no doubt turn on him now that the rebellion was effectively crushed and the elites would start cracking the proverbial whip on their literal asses. Where could he go but the wasteland?

It was frustrating, to say the least. Kenji had always prided himself on his perceptiveness and spacial awareness. He recognized landmarks better than anyone he knew, and he could navigate the streets of every city in the region with ease. He had even memorized the streets of the ruins of old Toronto, back when it was nearer to the lakes, and that area hadn't been inhabitable since the end of the war. But out here in the wasteland, everything was new, and the goggles he had to wear to protect his eyes were so broken and filthy that he could barely see. He assumed that he had just been wandering in circles for weeks, and honestly wanted to keep it that way until he could get better gear. The unfortunate truth, however, was that might never happen. He was stuck out here.

__________________________

Date: 1/5/215

Location: Wasteland

As Kenji started to come around, he could hear voices. He closed his eyes and groaned in pain, covering his eyes with his hand. Fuck, he was in so much pain. His head...

"Where am I..." he muttered. The voices around him got closer.

"Tu te réveilles maintenant?" one asked. Kenji blinked, trying to focus on something in his surroundings.

"My head..." he moaned, turning over. The voice sighed and turned away to babble to its companions.

"Il ne parle pas français. Non." Wait... Were they speaking French? Fuck... Of all the places to end up, of course it was here.

The French person snapped their fingers at him, making him focus back up at them. They had long, dark brown hair and thin, distinguished features. They seemed female, but also just androgynous enough to make him unsure. He had also been told that he shouldn’t assume these types of things.

“Me comprenez-vous? Comprenez-vous ce que je dis?” they asked him. Kenji knew just enough about the French language from Lewis that he almost understood what the person was saying. Almost.

“No. Fuck off.” he spat. The person seemed to understand that phrase, and they roughly pulled him to his feet. He stumbled, a wave of nausea passing over him. Life his head was killing him.

“Parler.” they snapped, jerking him forwards. Kenji snarled defensively. He knew talking to them was going to be useless, so he didn’t bother. Instead, he did the only other logical thing; Muster up all his remaining strength and punch the person in the face.

__________________________

Kenji was thrown out, but thankfully they didn’t knock him out again. He remembered what was going on now. He had been looking for food, shelter, etc, and had briefly taken off his goggles. He had found a shielded area in the ruins of some old house, safe from the wind. He assumed he would be safe here from the wind blowing anything into his face. As he was crouched behind the wall, cleaning his goggles, someone had come up behind him and ambushed him. Typical. Of course he would find the only shred of remaining human life out here and they would be hostile. He couldn’t blame them, really. It was just annoying.

What was even more annoying was the fact that he was currently tied to the trunk of a very large tree, unable to move and incapable of fending for himself. His head gear was still off, seeing as his francophone captors hadn’t been kind enough to bring his goggles with them when they tried to crack his head open. He was, figuratively speaking, completely fucked.

Footsteps sounded from somewhere nearby. Kenji groaned.

“Back for round two, assholes?” he snapped. “Or are you some huge, lumbering, mutant beast come to eat me and use my ribs as toothpicks? Either way, bon apetite you piece of shit, waste of space, rancid, ugly, motherfucking-”

“Kenji?”

That took him off guard. That was Lewis’ voice, wasn’t it? The radiation had gotten to his brain, he was sure of it.

“No, it’s Carson fucking Pryce.” he muttered sarcastically. “Just kill me already, put me out of my misery.”

The thing making the footsteps came around the corner and into Kenji’s field of view.

“Holy shit! Kenji! You cantankerous old bitch, what the fuck are you doing out here?” Lewis exclaimed, rushing over to free him of his bonds.

“Getting the best blowjob of my life. What does it look like?” Lewis stopped.

“I didn’t think it was physically possible for your personality to get worse. You are full of surprises.” he muttered.

Kenji was positive he was hallucinating, either due to the concussion the French fuckers had undoubtedly given him or the radiation, and so he wasn’t taking anything seriously.

“I doubt that I could surprise you.” he said snarkily as Lewis tugged at the ropes tying him to the tree. Lewis squinted.

“Sure.” he muttered, finally undoing the knots and setting him free. Kenji didn’t stand up. “Hey, you gonna get up?”

“This is a hallucination, I can’t go anywhere.” Lewis groaned and put his face in his hands.

“Oh so you’re stupid now? That’s it you’re stupid now? Fuck me.” Kenji scrunched up his face indignantly.

“Prove me wrong.” he snapped.

Lewis exhaled sharply and kicked the older man in the shin.

“Ow!”

“There’s your proof, you belligerent geriatric.” Kenji grunted and begrudgingly accepted that he was stuck in a radioactive French wasteland with the most obnoxious child in the world. Life, he wished it was a hallucination. He stood up.

“How are you not dead?” he questioned skeptically.

“I am dead. I’m a spooky ghost here to haunt you for your sins. Ooooh.” the young boy responded sarcastically, waving his hands in front of his face. Kenji elbowed him in the shoulder sharply.

“I’m serious. You were in one of the explosions on the west side, nobody else survived. We took out a fucking city block, for world’s sake, people don’t just come out of that a-fucking-okay.” he pressed the younger individual. He hesitated. Did he really want to tell the next part? “I... Nate blamed me, he refused to talk to me for months.”

Lewis’ expression changed, becoming remorseful and tired.

“I’m sorry, but I couldn’t come back. The soldiers tossed me over the wall with all the other bodies, I was more dead than alive honestly. But somehow I didn’t die, and some wastelanders picked me up. I’ve been too injured to go anywhere, I only recently got strong enough to walk around.” he said with a sigh, rubbing his forehead. “What happened to you to get you tossed out?” Kenji’s stomach twisted.

“None of your damn business.” he hissed, starting to walk away.

“Hey! You can’t just walk away from this!” Lewis shouted after him. Kenji ignored him. He needed to go back to that abandoned house and find his gear. “So what, you’re gonna abandon your friends? Let them fight for you while you sulk and pity yourself from the safety of-”

“They aren’t my fucking friends anymore and there won’t be any fighting!” Kenji shouted, whipping his head around to face him. “You want to know why I’m here? I fucked up. I fucked up our chance to finally beat the elite bastards once and for all and I jumped the wall so I wouldn’t have to face what I did.”

Lewis was shocked for a few moments before his face darkened in anger.

“You’re a coward!” he snapped. Kenji laughed, turning away once more.

“I know.”

__________________________

tag list: @thereasontherumisgone @germanmetal

//author’s note: I do not speak french! sometimes I forget what “bonjour” means. I am so sorry if these halfassed translations suck, I tried to stick to simple phrases that would be easy to translate but I don’t know how accurate they are. I’ll try to not write for the french characters too much.

#everything is gonna be fine #dystopian world #original world #Original story #original content #dystopia #dystopian #mike shinoda fine #rebellion #ocs #canada #mike shinoda #kenji hirayama #lewis spiorad

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mtvswatches · 4 years

Text

Wynonna Earp 2x08 No Future in the Past

Click here for previous recaps!

Stray thoughts

1) We begin the episode with a flashback of little Waverly running on very thin ice because evil Willa threw her stuffed rabbit there. You know, in case you needed a friendly reminder that Willa was the worst. Waverly uses this anecdote to explain how, in a way, she always knew she didn’t belong in the Earp family. Willa hated her, so that must mean she wasn’t one of them, right? Well, wrong, Waverly. Willa was the fucking worst and that’s the only reason she hated Waverly. Wynonna tries to comfort Waverly and argues she saw her come home right after the hospital and that she even named her herself (how cute!) But… the fact that their parents brought Waverly home as a newly born baby doesn’t mean she was their daughter, right? I guess we’ll soon find out. While Willa tried to kill Waverly, Wynonna saved her, although she doesn’t remember that part. History does repeat itself, doesn’t it?

2) The Widows pay JC a visit, and it’s not looking good for old Juan Carlos…

I truly hope they don’t kill him off because I was hoping we would find out more about him and what’s his role. He seemed like a prophet of sorts?

3) Doc is headed to the salt flats so I guess he’ll soon find out Clootie is gone and he’s in trouble, right? Also, kind of bummed because I thought he would go to the doctor’s with Wynonna.

4) Wynonna saw her baby for the first time and totally freaked out. I mean, the doctor is giving her lectures about taking proper care of the person growing inside of her and then suggesting adoption is a viable option and then boom, here’s your baby! She had, what? all of two or three weeks to process she was pregnant and the baby might be a revenant hybrid? I think she’s handling it quite well, to be frank. She didn’t want to know the baby’s sex, but I have a feeling it’s going to be a girl.

5) Wait, what happened? Was Wynonna kidnapped?!

Was that blood?!

6) The truck that took Wynonna was JC’s, so that means the widows have her, right?

7) Nicole makes a GREAT point…

NICOLE: Waves, Wynonna remembers you coming home from the hospital. Okay? So, who are you gonna trust more, your sister or a sociopathic revenant in a fuzzy coat?

But to be safe, Waverly sent in the blood samples. Okay, I’m calling it, she’s not an Earp. Or she’s a hybrid. The latter. She’s hybrid. Calling it.

8) Rosita suggests they should throw Wynonna a baby shower, and that’s very sweet of her? Unexpectedly sweet.

9) Oh, he’s back!

10) So, JC did kidnap Wynonna, the question is why? Is he possessed by the Widows or something? It didn’t look like he’d survive that bite at the beginning… Is the Church where the third seal is located?

11) So… JC has apparently a curse of his own. He claims he’d like to give Wynonna answers but he literally can’t because his burden is “to survive and witness, never to decide.” He also says that Wynonna is “all choices,” which is kind of funny considering how she really didn’t get to choose whether she wanted to continue her pregnancy or not. He then proceeds to instruct Wynonna to go into the church and do a ritual that will show her the truth, but I feel he’s leading her into opening the third seal?

12) She thinks the ritual didn’t work but she left the gun there…

13) And now she’s talking to Doc and he’s ignoring her and WTF! She’s traveled in time?!

“When am I?” That sounds like a line out of Back to the Future.

14) OMG BOBO IS BACK!!!

And he looks like Spike before he was a vampire?! And Doc is bullying him in front of everyone? He’s being an asshole and I don’t care for it one bit.

15) Doc tells Bobo to sod off, basically, and that he’s been dying since he was 14 years old. He starts coughing, and I’m afraid my prediction that he’s getting his tuberculosis back might be on point…

16) Bobo, on the other hand, seems like a righteous dude, and he expresses absolute loyalty towards Wyatt Earp, so this means that his relationship with the Earps goes way, way before he was a revenant. And how did he become a revenant? And now I’m imagining he’s Waverly’s dad and he gave her to the Earps to protect her and that’s why he had that weird connection with her since she was a little girl? Am I insane? Please, don’t tell me.

17) I really enjoy the call back to Waverly’s safe phrase from a few episodes ago, “tacos are tasty.”

18) Wynonna finds her way back to the church only to find a dying Bobo del Rey after Wyatt shot Sheriff Clootie and his THREE WIVES are pissed off. So, I guess, Clootie the Stone Witch was one of these widows and the other two are the ones that possessed Mercedes and her sister, right? But how did Bobo die and why did he become a revenant?

19) Father Juan Carlo! So this dude also goes all the way back, huh? Did he try to mediate between Constance and the two widows? Is that how he got cursed?

20) Rosita is being super friendly and sweet, and Waverly is kind of suspicious and so am I? Nicole is trying to understand Rosita from the outsider’s perspective, but I don’t know, it seems too iffy.

21) Dolls is threatening JC and the padre says “she needs to see the past if we have any hope for a future.” And what does it all mean?!

22) So… Constance Clootie locked her demon husband away with the three seals. I guess if the three seals are opened, the Big Baddie will be released in the present, right? If I’m correct, there’s only one seal left…

23) And the reason JC finally decided to intervene was that he’s dying. Is it because of the Widow’s bite? Why didn’t they kill him? I still think he might be playing Wynonna…

24) It turns out Wyatt shot Bobo while he was being held by Clootie as a human shield. And that’s how he became a revenant! Before dying, Clootie cursed Earp by saying that all those killed by Peacemaker will go to Hell until Earp’s death when they will be resurrected until the next Heir kills them all. So… Bobo became a revenant because of his loyalty to Earp. Constance offered to give him a way out if he helped her find her sons’ bones. And that’s how their deal was born.

25) Oh, no. The DNA results arrived and Nicole kept them hidden from Waverly because “she was trying to protect her.” She’s not an Earp, is she? I love Nicole, but… why would she take the choice from Waverly? I think this was the worst possible way she could’ve found out she was not an Earp. Instead of being there for Waverly to support her when she found out, Nicole kept it hidden from her and hurt her. I don’t like this.

26) The third seal… is a ring on Doc’s finger, a ring given to him by Clootie since the moment she threw him in the well. Bobo was given a choice… rescue Doc, get the ring and be cured, and allow Doc and Wyatt to be reunited. Or let Doc in the well forever, die, come back as a revenant and fulfill Constance’s wish to get the bones of her sons back. I guess Bobo was very jealous of Doc and Wyatt’s relationship, wasn’t he? Was the guilt over this choice what led him to work with Wyatt after he was a revenant, even though they were technically enemies?

27) Oh, Padre JC…

28) Well, here’s demon Dolls to save the day…

It’s his love for Wynonna what brought him back, right? These two are going to be a thing, I feel it in my bones, but I’m Team Doc ugh! And now he mercy-killed JC and damn, I really liked him.

29) Aaaand the Widows are setting the church on fire while both Wynonna and Dolls lie there unconscious. Cool. Cool cool cool.

30) Now Bobo actually sees Wynonna and can talk to her and calls her his angel, and… did she give him his nickname? And told him to remember how much she loved Wyatt Earp even after he becomes a revenant. So…? This means this trip back in time altered their future? OMG! It did! She told him that his angel’s name was Waverly so that he would protect her!!! That’s why he’d always protected Waverly!

31) In return, Bobo saved them by ringing the Church’s bell and waking Wynonna up.

32) Shit, Bobo saved his angel.

Can I just say that I love the relationship between these two A LOT? Like, a lot.

33) Dolls actually counted the seconds Wynonna didn’t breathe. That’s sweet.

34) OMG how didn’t I realize this? WYNONNA DIED. For a few seconds, but she did die! THAT MEANS… the revenants will be back! BOBO WILL BE BACK?!

35) YASSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!

36) Wow, what an intense episode! I feel like this a pivotal episode in the show, isn’t it? A game-changer. Like, it goes back to the beginning of the story and sets up the future while tying some loose ends. I guess Waverly and Bobo are not related after all, but how amazing is it that Wynonna’s quest is the reason Bobo maintained a good relationship with the Earps and protected Waverly? And what will it mean for Waverly to have Bobo back? Will she go ask him for answers about her real parents? And will Wynonna dying have other ramifications? I mean, she’s sort of reset the cycle, hasn’t she? That means that another Earp must become the Earp when she turns 27. But if Waverly is not an Earp, then who?! Wynonna’s baby? Will they do a time jump? Is this a Connor situation? So many questions!

More questions: Wynonna mentioned how her mother called Waverly her “angel”, which is Bobo’s monicker for her as well. Could it be that Waverly is her mother and Bobo’s love child? I mean, she was looking at the test results as she remembered how Bobo rescued her, so that has to mean something, right? And if she is a hybrid, does that mean that she could still be an Heir? Can you tell that I’m obsessed with this storyline? Like, Wynonna’s one-night-stand mentioned that it had happened once before, so this has to mean something, it must be connected to the main storyline...

Even more questions: If the revenants are those killed by Peacemaker, not an Heir, does this mean that both Willa and Wynonna’s father might return as revenants? She did kill them with Peacemaker, after all.

Even MORE questions: Where does this whole seal-in-the-ring leave Doc? Why were Wynonna and Dolls so cozy in the bed as if they were a couple? Has Wynonna’s quest altered their past and their present as well?

TOO MANY QUESTIONS, I’M SORRY, BUT PLEASE DON’T ANSWER ANY OF THEM, I’M JUST TRYING TO ORDER MY THOUGHTS AND LET YOU KNOW WHERE MY MIND’S AT AFTER WATCHING THIS AMAZING EPISODE.

I’m truly in love with this show, I think it’s the closest thing to Buffy in the sense of how it blends different genres while still being a mainly supernatural show and how it has the characters and their relationships at the forefront while building this captivating mythology. I’m super glad you all got me to watch this show! I just hope I finish watching season 3 before season 4 is released, I’d love to watch the new episodes as they come out!

37) Hope you enjoyed my recap, and, as usual, if you’ve got this far, thank you for reading! If you enjoy my recaps and my blog, please consider supporting it on ko-fi.Thanks!

#Wynonna Earp #Waverly Earp #Doc Holliday #Xavier Dolls #Bobo Del Rey #fUCKING BOBO DEL REY IS BACK MY PRAYERS WERE ANSWERED #WE recap #recap #WE 2x08 #mine

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traindelays · 5 years

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The Family Man Arc is a good character analysis arc for John Constantine because it is one of the few arcs that so strongly show who John is outside of who he presents himself to be ( I’d even go as so far to say as the narrative presents him to be, as well ). I believe it to be one of the more memorable arcs that explores John’s blatant terror and struggles of his own humanity.

The Family Man Arc takes place between the original Hellblazer issues #23, #24, #28, #29 & #30.

John reflects on the Family Man after three entire months of going on with his life. It’s not guilt of the family who was murdered from the address card he unwillingly handed over to the man that stirs his mind ( though he encounters a nightmare of them at some point ), it’s the fact that he saw himself in a man that turned out to be a murderer. He saw himself and was scared enough to determine that the only way to solve this was to confront him and find what makes a murderer of a man, and how to quell that nature.

John finally coming to terms that the reality of the situation is more serious than any of his other typical ordeals. He admits to his fear that this is entirely a physical altercation ( in this moment ); he’s got to rely on brute strength and the desperation to survive. But he knows that’s a lost fight before it even starts.

That same night, John has a dream he’s talking himself up so he can do the job and kill the Family Man, but then it ends up turning into his father that he hasn’t seen in 20+ years. I don’t really want to fall down a rabbit hole of symbolic interpretations but a few of them could be that John sees a father-figure in the few pleasant interacts he’d had with him prior to finding out the truth, and killing him would in some way be like killing his own father ( which is later explained in further issues that John did almost kill his own father with a hex he made in his teens as a response to the abuse he was faced with by him ) ... or more closely to the previous panel: John sees himself as the Family Man because of how he “killed” his own family ( e.g. his father with the hex, and his overall defiance to maintaining a relationship, and the guilt he feels for being blamed for his mother’s death ), and the subconscious fear that he’s not so different from him.

He wakes up from this dream screaming “DAD!” then hears the noise of Chas coming up the stairs, grabs the bread knife he kept at his side and - thinking it’s the Family Man - tries to go in for the kill. Which fails IMMEDIATELY because John is not a fighter. Chas kicks his ass, the reality of the situation kicks in---and John pukes outside on the sidewalk.

After straightening up with a smoke and some tea, Chas accuses John of messing around with the demon stuff again, to which John admits would be easier. John has an easier time dealing with things that don’t force him to face how shitty humanity is.

Magic lets him go after forces that he can pin as being “worse” than humans, while also giving him the escapism he’s always chasing in terms of facing humanity as a whole and how he personally fits into the role of humanity ( a common theme that creeps up all throughout Hellblazer when John reaches another prolonged breaking point ).

His next move, and his last resort to winning against “man” is to get a gun. One of the things that John vocally detests across several Constantine series, both as a moral standpoint ( and more lesser and assumed classic jab from a Brit. )

There are a few important things to point out.

1. John is quite literally out of his element. He’s never owned, held, or had an experience with a gun prior to the moment he buys it off of a shady arms dealer from Chas’ help. This is something that John can’t fake expertise on because using a gun requires an accurate enough precision, is extremely tangible - unlike magic - and is a direct means of killing. John isn’t trying to weasle his way out of a tricky situation, his back is to the wall. His hands been forced, he is down to his last resort. If he doesn’t kill the Family Man, the Family Man WILL kill him. Magic cannot save him. He is forced to remember that despite all his engagements with the occult, he’s a mortal man. To the audience, it’s also a grim but important reminder that he’s just a man.

Tying into Point #1, self-defense is not John’s strong point. He is very vocal through the entire Hellblazer series that he is not a fighter. He has a chance of getting one really good punch if he gets to swing first, but if it’s not enough to finish the job then he’s shit out of luck. John’s biggest skill is being underhanded and cunning. John not being able to fight is about the only thing he openly, quickly, and unashamedly admits that he CANNOT do.

John’s so out of his element, he makes the guy who sold the gun to him to load the bullets for him. Then he’s alone with the gun and his thoughts and we get this panel with the “When you begin to think like a gun--the days of your life are already gone.” (John Cale, Fear--1974.)

It’s a song; not uncommon for John to compare his emotions with lyrics considering his life was music before it got ruined by magic. The song is Fear Is A Man’s Best Friend and can be heard here, and these are the lyrics:

Standing waiting for a man to show Wide eyed one eye fixed on the door This waiting's killing me, it's wearing me down Day in day out, my feet are burning holes in the ground

Darkness warmer than a bedroom floor Want someone to hold me close forever more I'm a sleeping dog, but you can't tell When I'm on the prowl you'd better run like hell You know it makes sense, don't even think about it Life and death are just things you do when you're bored Say fear's a man's best friend You add it up it brings you down

Home is living like a man on the run Trails leading nowhere, where to my son? We're already dead, just not yet in the ground Take my helping hand I'll show you around You know it makes sense, don't even think about it Life and death are just things you do when you're bored Say fear's a man's best friend You add it up it brings you down

After getting the gun, John goes back to Chas’ who is bandaged up from an attack by the Family Man, and shortly after, John confirms with his sister that his father’s been murdered. At the news, John cries out “Dad!” again and cries. Now he’s got fear that his sister and his niece are next to be killed and his sense of urgency amplifies. Chas tells John that the old man is not only extremely fast, but he’s as strong as a horse, which couldn’t possibly make John feel any better about his own fate.

There are a few scenes prior to this where John seemingly slips back into his natural element of sleuthing. He tracks down the T.V. Agent that was the middleman for his old friend and the Family Man, and purposefully helped him tail his lead to this neighborhood. He falls back into this after his father’s death, and puts on an act of having Chas kick him out where he knows the Family Man can see and hear, and then leads him to Chas’ cousin’s house, Norma, where he stays for the night. He makes sure the Family Man is near the window when he deliberately and incorrectly announces that he’s catching a 7 a.m. train. This is the John we are used to seeing; the John that relies on misdirection and deception to slip through the cracks. He’s trying to take control back to put the odds in his favor.

Still, they’re getting ready to have sex, and she comments that John is trembling. He knows he’s set down the trap for the Family Man but his nerves are still shot. So much so that he changes his mind on the sex offer and lets her keep the money anyway. Probably not too important, but John is often one to escape his problems with booze, sex, or chasing adrenaline rushes, so it stands out to me as something worth mentioning.

( But he does eventually request for sex after Chas’ phone call scares him awake and he nearly falls out of bed, gun in hand. Still, he’s so stressed, he just kinda lays there sweating up a storm while Norma does all the work lol, then he hurriedly gets dressed to make a move on. )

John can’t sleep, and sits up holding the gun in his hand. No real reason to post these panels, it’s just one of my favorites. : )

The argument between John and humanity resurfaces again now that he’s on the move.

“But it shouldn’t be this easy. Life’s supposed to be sacred. You can’t just end it like a sentence. You’re human--you should feel something.”

He asks himself what’s wrong with him because he’s about to commit murder and his hands aren’t shaking. He immediately references himself as a murder as well to his father and all his friends of his past. He loses his resolve, just like that. He is struggling with his own sense of humanity. He goes from separating himself from the Family Man as someone that values life, and how it’s not up to him to decide who gets to live, to lumping himself in with him again, and then to justifying that he HAS to kill him because he needs to see for himself that he is more than a man that John can / is---that he’s something other and separate of his own.

Then we get the perspective from the Family Man himself, who catches on to John purposefully leading him on. They are referenced as being similar here; they are both playing a game they are familiar with. John poses as a challenge, he’s brought himself up to level on the playing field and the dynamic turns from the hunter and prey into a competition.

John takes the tube to the bus and contemplates how long he’ll have to deal with looking over his shoulder in fear of his life. One of his thoughts is:

“In the imagination, the intent is as potent as the act. I was a killer as soon as I bought the gun.”

It’s not long before John gets ambushed by the Family Man at a road stop and gets chased into the countryside. ( Sidenote: As a character always being aligned with being a fox, it’s interesting having him referred to as a rabbit. )

They finally meet up after a decent chase and the first thing John asks is “Why?” because at the front of all of this, that’s the burning question that ties him in with the Family Man, himself, and his own father. He doesn’t know what consists of being a murderer in the way the Family Man has made a home of it for himself. The Family Man mocks him, tells him he can’t shoot him because he’s a “virgin” as in someone that hasn’t killed anyone before ( something John, in some degree, would disagree - but he’s right in that John has never committed first degree murder ).

The moment the family man starts to say that he reminds John of his father, he finds it in him to pull the trigger. This ties into my earlier mentions of John and his subconscious dragging up his relationship and guilt about his father---the next page is a flashback into the Family Man’s life about his father:

The flashback shows the Family Man’s father shooting down their dog and explaining that it was his responsibility to put the dog out of its misery because it was hurting. Because that’s “love.” In the following page, the Family Man ( barely even maimed by the first bullet ) says that John won’t be able to murder him because he doesn’t love him enough.

It’s obvious that the Family Man equates murder with love in some twisted, traumatic delusion tied to his childhood.

There are further pages of flashbacks that show him responding irrationally to events in his childhood, but as that’s progressing, John’s just holding the gun at the man and saying “I don’t want this!”

“I don’t want this!”

“Don’t be... pathetic. You have... to do it. Don’t... you want to share the... secret?”

“Yes.” John doesn’t hesitate to admit that’s what he needs.

“Well you can’t until you’re free!” Family Man reaches out to try and stab John, and he fires the gun again.

Kindness in the face of death is mentioned again. Family Man is now the dog, in his misery, waiting to be put down. Except John is not the Family Man’s father and is not so willing to murder, still.

“Goddamn you, tell me why? Why did you kill them all? Why, why? I must know why!”

“I told you... you have to... kill me to... find out.”

The core of John’s agony is still presented to us that he tries and fails to understand what it all means. What it means to a murder to be a murderer, how do they get to that part, what separates them from the rest, what makes them not him.

He never gets an answer.

The Family Man shoots himself for John / helps John give him the final blow. The silence of the loss is an answer, the weight of his actions are all he has to examine in seeking truth for the question he desperately wants answered.

To further show how incredibly human John is, he throws up again after the deed is done. A man that stomachs demons, and ghouls, and the ghosts of his dead, tormented friends can’t look at a man he just killed without succumbing to the trauma.

He laments about how the world continues to spin despite losing / taking the life of another. He immediately feels the need to share this pain with someone else do he’s not dealing with it alone, and to rationalize why he had to kill this man. He remains struggling with the idea that there could be an excuse for murder.

He tells himself he’s saved countless of other families, but it’s not as tangible as the reality of the man he’s LITERALLY killed. Unlike the hypothetical families, the death is as real as everything around him.

Not only that, but he refers to this as the Mark of Cain, a prominent story in the Bible that involves Cain killing his brother Abel and lying to God about it. God sets a mark upon him that lets everyone else know that he’s a murderer. Like this murder, even if it’s not obvious to others, he knows that he will forever be set apart from everyone else around him for this action. He in inevitably changed.

Something something, Bible excerpts because I’m not an expert: "Now you are under a curse and driven from the ground, which opened its mouth to receive your brother's blood from your hand. When you work the ground, it will no longer yield its crops for you. You will be a restless wanderer on the earth" (Genesis 4:11-12)

“Executioners are always volunteers. They do it because they want to.”

John doesn’t include himself in the ‘they’ of this statement and its, I think, intentionally left vague as to whether a part of him wanted that kill ( the kill being more-so the answer or truth to the whole ordeal, not the murder itself ), but at the end of the panel when he’s thinking back to something an old lady told him, it’s goes back to the idea of just HAVING to know what you don’t know.

At the core of John’s character he is not a murderer, or an executioner. He’s a man like anyone else, struggling to keep his humanity in check, even when he’s forced into a position that threatens his morals. He makes the hard decisions that other people might not be able to make, and does what other people might not dare to do, and questions if that makes him more like his fellow man or further apart from them.

But in addition to that, he’s a man that doesn’t like unanswered questions, and if there’s something he can’t figure out, and even if it might get him killed---he just has to know.

#john constantine #hellblazer #mine

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lovemesomesurveys · 5 years

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1. Song Title: Rude Boy by Rihanna.

Do you know the words to this song? Yeah.

2. Song Title: XO TOUR Llif3 by Lil Uzi Vert.

What’s your favorite line from this song? “I don’t really care if you cry On the real you should’ve never lied Should’ve saw the way she looked me in my eyes She said baby I am not afraid to die Push me to the edge All my friends are dead.”

3. Song Title: Faint by Linkin Park

How does this song make you feel? This song is one of my favorites. Linkin Park will always be one of my favorite bands. We go all the way back to like middle school, over 15 years now. A lot of their lyrics are relatable to me. Also, RIP Chester Bennington. So devastating. :( What an incredible talent. I’m so sad I never got to see them in concert while he was alive. “I am a little bit of loneliness, a little bit of disregard Handful of complaints, but I can’t help the fact that everyone can see these scars I am what I want you to want, what I want you to feel But it’s like no matter what I do, I can’t convince you to just believe this is real So I, let go watching you turn your back like you always do...” “I am, a little bit insecure, a little unconfident ‘Cause you don’t understand I do what I can But sometimes I don’t make sense.”

4. Song Title: Now or Never by Halsey.

What genre of music is this song? Pop.

5. Song Title: Say Say Say by Paul McCartney

Favourite instrument in this song? I don’t have a particular favorite.

6. Song Title: Love Lies by Khalid

Have you ever heard this song in the car on the radio? Yeah.

7. Song Title: I’m Not Over by Carolina Liar.

How many times have you listened to this song? Countless times since it first came out, which was 2008.

8. Song Title: R.I.C.O. by Meek Mill

Would you consider this song to be underground, overplayed, mainstream or rarely heard of? Uhh I mean it was a known song, but I wouldn’t say it was mainstream.

9. Song Title: Fine China by Chris Brown

Was this song on a movie? I don’t know.

10. Song Title: Stay Together by Noah Cyrus

Is this song in English? Yeah.

11. Song Title: Telephone by Lady Gaga.

Where is the band from? It’s not a band, but Lady Gaga is from New York.

12. Song Title: Nine in the Afternoon by Panic! At The Disco

Would you have this song as a ringback tone? Nah.

13. Song Title: Zombie by The Cranberries

How did you first discover this song? I don’t know exactly when or how I discovered it.

14. Song Title: Part-Time Lover by Stevie Wonder

Best dance move to do to this song? I don’t dance so I don’t know.

15. Song Title: A Year Without Rain by Selena Gomez

Is this a remake of another song? No.

16. Song Title: Treat You Better by Shawn Mendes

Can you play this song on any instrument? Nope. I can’t play any instruments. :(

17. Song Title: Hymn for the Weekend by Coldplay

Which line in the song describes you? “When I was a river dried up You came to rain a flood“

I’m dried up again, but this reminds me of when Ty was in my life because he came at a time I was really struggling and he brought some light into that darkness.

18. Song Title: Ride by Twenty One Pilots

Which of your friends reminds you most of this song? None.

19. Song Title: Edge of Seventeen by Stevie Nicks

Does this song describe a period of time in your life? No, but I like this lyric:

“Like a strand in the wind In the web that is my own I begin again.”

20. Song Title: The Way Ariana Grande

Do you have a t-shirt supporting the singer/band of this song? No.

21. Song Title: Blessings by Big Sean

Is this your best friend’s favorite song? No.

22. Song Title: How to Love by Lil Wayne

If this song played at a dance, what would you do? It’s not an upbeat song to dance to, though.

23. Song Title: Controlla by Drake

What’s the best sounding instrument in this song? It all sounds good.

24. Song Title: Love More by Chris Brown

Does your favorite band sing this song? Not a band.

25. Song Title: 7 Years by Lukas Graham

Is this appropriate to be played at a funeral? I guess it could be because it’s a song about getting older. This song always makes me kinda sad.

26. Song Title: Sleep All Day by Jason Mraz

Have you ever heard this song live in concert? No.

27. Song Title: Back to Back by Drake

Great sex song or not? Just looking at the title alone... lmao.

28. Song Title: Bleed American by Jimmy Eat World

What comes to mind when you hear this song? Hanging with certain friends. We used to play this song all the time. “I'm not alone cause the TV's on yeah. I'm not crazy cause I take the right pills everyday. And rest, clean your conscious, clear your thoughts with speyside with your grain. Clean your conscious, clear your thoughts with speyside”

29. Song Title: Head Over Heels by Tears for Fears

Is this one of those songs you hate but have anyway? I don’t hate this song at all. I don’t have songs I don’t like on my Spotify.

30. Song Title: Frontin’ by Pharrell

Does your ex like this song? I have no idea.

31. Song Title: Luv U Better by LL Cool J

Could this song be considered for a “fight scene”? No.

32. Song Title: Unforgettable by French Montana

Is this song recent or old? It came out in 2017.

33. Song Title: I Live by One Republic

Do your parents know this song? Yeah. It’s one of my mom’s favorite songs.

34. Song Title: Who Says by John Mayer Is this song a guilty pleasure/Are you ashamed to have it? No. “Who says I can’t get stoned?”

#I never do these kinds of surveys but I thought I'd give it a try *shrug*#shuffle survey #personal #text #survey #surveys

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ldarchive · 5 years

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all or some of: 10, 18, 19, 20, 25, 28, 30, 35, 36, 39, 40, 41, 42 for the ask meme =) lay all the ari facts on me

ty indigo ilu… shepardposting no limits (HOPEFULLY THE READMORE WORKS?)

10. What kind of friend is Shepard?

the “will give you shit but also go to the ends of the earth” for you type i suppose…he shows his affection thru gentle bullying. he can also be kind of genuinely an overbearing asshole at times, but he gets better with it; it takes him a while to, uh, adjust to having “friends” in the first place. he’s a dad friend if your dad is kind of a grumpy punk with a rude and morbid sense of humor

18. Share a headcanon about Shepard and their LI.

[struggling to come up with something i haven’t talked about a million times] uhhhhhh

kaidan wanted to propose with one of his dad’s old rings but he figured out it wouldn’t fit ari’s finger, so (with his mother’s blessing/assurance that his dad would have been more than happy abt it, etc) he had the gold melted down to make a new ring. in my mind it looks smth like this and yes ari totally cried a little

it also took kaidan weeks of near-misses to work up the nerve to propose even tho he Knew ari was gonna say yes, he was just really worried about getting it right. eventually he just did it on their balcony and ari got surprised and dropped his cigarette and kaidan got a cool new engagement burn scar on his arm but it was nice

19. Why did they fall for each other?

ari fell for kaidan bc he’s not just intelligent, but perceptive; he’s a realist who errs toward optimism and making the best of bad situations; he believes people can and should be better; he has a surprisingly understated sense of humor; he can keep up with ari’s teasing; ari asks him if he’s a romantic and he denies it and then gives, like, the most romantic answer in the world. he’s cute.

kaidan fell for ari bc……. he has big arm. ok but uh i think it’s because he’s, pretty practical and matter of fact and doesn’t care all that much about the social trappings that kaidan continually tortures himself with… he makes kaidan feel Seen and Understood but doesn’t make a big dramatic deal out of everything kaidan tells him, he just treats him… like a person. for someone who’s been living with & defining themselves by their issues for as long as kaidan has, it’s pretty incredible to find someone who just makes him feel like a human being again

20. What are their common interests or hobbies?

a lot of their relationship is like, meeting each other in the middle haha, but there are some things they both enjoy a lot with no caveats:

- cooking! kaidan’s a foodie and it becomes ari’s therapy hobby after me3, so it’s smth they enjoy doing together a lot. they try to do it more often if possible, but their general friday night tradition is to come home, crack open a couple beers, and cook a big meal together

- they are both outdoorsy Adventure Dads… it takes a while before ari can handle more than a walk around the park but eventually he and kaidan can go hiking again and they both rly love it. i imagine theyd be into stuff like camping, swimming, kayaking, etc too dfjnfg

25. Is there something they fight about?

well, everyone gets into arguments occasionally, but i don’t really think they fight all that often… not that they agree on everything all the time, but they’ve both gotten pretty good at talking things out and also deciding whether or not something is even worth arguing about in the first place. when you are dating someone during the apocalypse and don’t have to any time to waste those are both pretty valuable skills haha [i think the most they ever fought in their relationship was post-me3, when ari got out of the hospital and they’d both started to ‘settle in’ to their new lives but it was a bumpy adjustment and they were both going thru a lot of trauma and stress and bottling it up etc. it wasnt a great time but they worked thru it]

28. What would they like to change about the other?

it’s a double-edged sword, bc it’s part of what attracts kaidan to him as well, but sometimes kaidan really wishes ari had more a self-preservation instinct!! sometimes his tendency to charge headfirst into trouble is sexy, sometimes kaidan is tired and sad and it just gets really old

ari wishes kaidan would loosen up a little although, again, the straight-laced military thing (unfortunately) kinda does it for him. he would also take away kaidans chronic pain if he could

30. When did they realise they fell in love?

fr kaidan it was shortly after virmire and it absolutely scared the shit out of him ahaha

ari is dumb so he didn’t really realize until after horizon, which was probably a bad way to figure that out,35. Is there anything they dislike about the other?

ari appreciates how thoughtful kaidan is but sometimes it’s like… a bit… much lmao, he’s not as navel gaze-y as kaidan is so sometimes the process of having to talk everything out gets tiring. for kaidan it’s kind of the opposite, he sometimes perceives ari’s lack of forethought as a lack of care, which isn’t really true, he just works differently

on a much pettier level, ari gets annoyed that kaidan wants to sleep in all the time and kaidan gets annoyed that ari drowns all his food in hot sauce. hello, i worked hard on that steak36. What are their best memories together?

advtykefd cheesy but i like to think they got to take a little bit of leave after me1 so… they rented a log cabin somewhere (not sure if they went back to earth or just a colony planet somewhere?), turned off non-emergency comms on their omnitools and just chilled for a bit… went hiking, had drinks at the tiny bar in the closest small town, holed up in the cabin all day and had sex lmao it was probably the most peaceful week of aris entire life and it left a big impression on him

ofc later there’s stuff like their wedding day, their son’s birth, adopting their daughter etc. kaidan would probably even say, with the emotional distance provided by time, that horizon counts cuz even tho it sucked at the time nothing could have been better than realizing ari was alive

40. Is there someone in the squad of ME/ME2/ME3 Shepard dislikes? Why?

MIRANDA LOL… they just. do not see to eye or get along at all. i find their relationship very entertaining for this reason bc the dynamic of commander & XO who are both trying to be professional but do not respect e/o even the tiniest bit is so funny. theres a convo w her in me2 (i think it might be the one where you can initiate her romance?) where if you choose the renegade dialogue is hilarious to me… miranda makes some snide, passive aggressive comment about shepard based on their background (it’s like “it’s amazing how you’ve managed to succeed despite being _____” lmao) and then shepard is like “OH i get it, you’re jealous bc i’ve been more successful than you and TIM likes me more even tho i’m a big piece of shit idiot?” i love it it’s so funny. they both suck. eventually they do build some kind of mutual respect btwn them but theyre still… not exactly friends. i think in me3 ari was like “damn i hope miranda’s ok” and then when he actually met her again remembered why he used to be so pissed at her all the time lmao. (after me3 tho she saves his life Again and they probably have a lot of time in the hospital to just talk so maybe they do become genuine friends)

41. Are there any important relationships in Shepard’s past that defined their character? /42. Is there someone who had a great influence on Shepard?

just gonna try to combine these i guess,

- his parents, although he only got an unfortunate short time with them, he takes after both of them a lot, and the things his parents imparted on him stuck with him, but especially as he gets older he’s also really aware of the mistakes they made

-the reds, in general. not a really positive influence lmao but. they were his home for years & he learned how the world works through them, for better or worse… it’s why he’s a bit of a cynic, although later he is able to characterize it more as “this shit sucks But we can make it better” rather than just “this shit sucks”

- anderson was the first person ari ever felt saw him as a human being, and it was… a slow-going thing to learn to trust him ahah, but wanting to be worthy of anderson’s approval shaped a lot of his career decisions

#neositter #ask #oc: ari shepard

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minero-tan · 5 years

Note

11 please!! For the artist number ask!

OH, SOMEONE ACTUALLY SEND AN ASK!! THAT’S RARE, THANK YOU!

11. How many OCs do you have? Introduce them

OOF, I have 44 if I haven’t forgotten anyone lmaooo but here goes (introducing them in no particular order)

1. Booty = my first oc ever made. She came to life in 2015 when I was showing my friends the butt of an anime girl as a joke. It was all fun and jokes but for some reason despite me joking around she became the most serious and strickt oc. She’s pretty much the mom friend

2. Up = my second oc ever made. She’s really carefree and loud. I made her in class when I listened to the song “Up” by olly murs and demi lovato. She’s the complete opposite of booty and she gets stressed out by up the most out of all 44 oc's

3. Delta = my third oc ever made. He died as a normal dude and then got turned into an android. He’s really quiet and usually in a bad mood. Would kill people a lot more if it weren’t so bothersome

4. Vision = He’s blind. That’s right, i’m a cruel mother who names her blind child Vision. Anyway, he’s a really kind dude who gets along with a bunch of people. The cool uncle in the group

5. Mokka = A half cat half human boyo. In the story people who’re pure animals have both animal ears and tails while mokka only has a tail. Had cat headphones in his old design because he hated his human part thanks to his mom who neglected and hated him for not being a pure breed (she cheated on her husb. And he left her because of her cheating so she now gives mokka the fault for that), but in his newer design he grew older and accepted his human part. Grumpy guy who flirts a lot but who’s really bad at it. Also he’s real good with computers. oh AND he’s a Prince

6. Tiptoes = alright, don’t judge me for the weird names, I made her when I listened to the song “Tiptoes” by Jayme dee. She was originally a dancer, but in her new design I made a cheerleader out of her. Still, she loves all kinds of dances and she’s really fit. She’s quite cheeky and will nag on grumpy people like mokka

7. Neta = ah yes, the oc who I probably draw the most. She’s a dog who’s really into fashion lmao. She’s really quiet and collected and really popular with the guys, but at some point I made up the fact that she’s a meme dealer and I decided that I have to keep that personality trait at all costs

8. Enno = Netas twin brother, but they’re the complete opposite. Enno doesn’t care if he gets dirty or not and he will definitely fight anyone who just looks at him weird. Tough guy, but a complete dumbass who probably can’t even count to 10. Very clingy though if he likes someone

9. Latty = Neta’s and Enno’s wolf cousin. She’s really loud and really stupid. Wants to be like neta. Gets bullied a lot because out of all the wolfes in her pack she’s the only one who has a white streak in her black hair. But she’s quite the optimist and is practically amazed by everything she encounters

10. Live = The goddess of Life. She’s really calm and gentle. She can revive dead beings, heal beings and it’s said that she’s the reason babies of both animals and humans are born. Really friendly, laughs a lot

11. Chi = Live’s evil cousin. Her parents were salty that they didn’t become gods as well and that they were left off with the Knight job where they have to protect the gods and gave their hatred onto their daughter. Chi basically murdered a bunch of gods and wanted to kill her cousin as well but the other gods stopped her and locked her away. Will act like a trust worthy person to get what she wants. Mind games are her thing

12. Mocchi = A bubbly normal girl who just sees the best in everyone. Real optimist, can befriend everyone. Is there for you if you’re having a hard day

13. Zadora = I was really inspired by a horse I knew lmao. Small shy girl who’s scared of a lot of things, especially strangers and big crowds. Kinda awkward but makes a good friend who’s always happy to spend some time with you. Loves her friends and family a lot

14. Lium = Quiet demon dude who is really awkward. He could put people on fire with his supernatural abilities, but chooses to be nice since he just wants some friends. Gets terrorized by his look alike twin a lot, but he got used to it

15. Laru = Lium’s evil twin. Will melt the ice cream of a little girl just for the laughs. Picks on his brother a whole lot but if someone else picks on Lium then Laru will snap their neck in half. Basically wants his brother to become evil and do bad things but he’s not quite succeeding. Good friends with Chi

16. Frei = A fox spirit lady who actually lived in a shrine but then decided to travel. Real carefree and somewhat of a hippy. Really chill person, great to hang out with

17. G = another android who got build for the military but then got replaced by newer models (I made him before dbh was a thing). Is a killer machine on the battlefield but will pick a rose and just give it to the nearest person when not on the battlefield. Really protective, he basically has it programmed into his brain to fight the enemy and to protect the innocent. Would be an A+ dad

18. Majo = A small witch girl who’s pretty much an asshole. Will scream if she won’t get what she wants and will laugh at you if you’re dumb enough to give it to her. Fucks with people, not in a horrible cruel way but putting a dollar on the ground and then pulling it away whenever someone tries to pick it up is basically her go to thing

19. Shepper = A Sheep boy who’s the biggest pushover, only because he’s so awkward and kind. Will listen to your worries but it’s easy to make him get and do stuff for you only because he can’t say No. Will cuddle you and sing you a lullaby if you’re having trouble sleeping. Gets pushed around by Majo 24/7 but he sees it more as baby sitting since Majo is younger than him

20. Twen = my 20th oc! Get it? Twenty? Hhhhhhhhh,,,,, anyways, he’s a boy with a lot of energy and a passion for football/soccer. Like, he REALLY loves that sport, he will fight anyone who says that It’s bad. Basically your typical white boy. Still a nice dude, he’s a good sport

21. Rhett = tall dragon boyo. Really shy but also really gentle. Works as a servant and enjoys it. Will breathe fire if he’s getting really flustered. Scared that he will hurt someone with his tail or just with his big size in general. “You want to shake my hand? Let me bow instead since I don’t want to hurt you"

22. Morgen = a girl who I’ll have to redesign soon because OOF. I made her after listening to "Morgen Stern” by Rammstein. Basically, she’s really ugly and wishes to the stars that she becomes beautiful like all the other girls. Has her face covered up by bandages which I’ll probably change into a mask lmao. Really sad girl, scared to look people into their eyes. She also gets bullied a lot, and she cuts herself. Morgen hates herself and wishes she would be someone else

23. Rema = there are a few similarities between him and Morgen. Rema’s whole body is covered in scars thanks to his mom who hurt him a lot when he was little. She pretty much destroyed his whole face and then called him ugly. After being called ugly for a bunch of years he grew up to believe that he’s ugly. He came into an orphanage after his mom left him on the streets in the middle of nowhere, so in the orphanage he found a mask which he wears since then. Calls himself ugly and believes that other people think that he’s ugly as well but pretty much no one really cares. Real scared to take off his mask. He’s kinda awkward but makes a good buddy. Will tell you that you’re beautiful 24/7

24. Kairi = a now zombie girl. She worked in a circus but got killed there by some of her co workers, killed everyone in the circus and basically took over the role as the circus director. Now the circus is closed but the few stupid people who visit the long abandoned circus die there by the ghosts of the people who Kairi killed. She’s Chaotic evil, has a lot of fun when killing. Also mourns over her life when she was still alive

25. Cchia = ayyy, remember Mokka? This is his half sister. The beloved daughter who can do everything better. Mokka can’t really stand her that much even though Cchia is super supportive and nice towards him. She always got all the praise by their mom because she’s a full cat and was made by both the king and the queen and not by the queen and some normal human dude who the queen had a nice night with, so mokka kinda dislikes her, but she was the only one who stood up for him when he needed it, so he also feels kinda bad for disliking her. She was the one who gave him his cat headphones to make him feel more part of the family. She’s basically amazing at everything but she knows jack shit about technology

26. Melior = Pretty much Aph Poland but as a bunny.

27. Kureiji = He’s a lot like Up but with a shot temper. One second he laughs and the next second he will destroy a whole house if something happened that made him angry. He’s one of the older oc’s but he’s basically a child. Also, really strong like oof, where does he get all his strength from when he’s just a mortal dude

28. Joycake = I was listening to a song and it sounded like the girl who was singing said “joycake” and I went “wow, that’s a nice name!!!” So yeah. A really energetic and popular girl. Does dumb jokes and is kinda paranoid. Is a model actually. Does not know what personal space is until she needs it herself. Will fight people for 2 cents, also gets breakdowns quite easily

29. Mirai = Joy’s twin sister (so many twins in this family). Again the complete opposite of her sister as with every twin what I literally just now noticed. Really serious and doesn’t understand a lot of fun. Hates her sister, like, if someone would throw a rock at joy then mirai would probably just keep walking. A hipster, listens to jazz on a rainy day while sitting on her laptop at starbucks. Wears oversized jackets and has messy braided hair like literally always

30. Blini = ANOTHER android. She’s like 10 cm tall. Has to get charged with her tail like charger which comes out of her back/butt. Turns red if empty, yellow if half full and green if completely full. Gets angry at everyone, except for little kids. Has to get carried 24/7. Will put a virus on your computer if she hates you

31. Destiny = the goddess of,,, Destiny. She decides what happens to people and how things turn out. Has a deep history with live. She’s really quiet and can be really serious if she has to be, but deep down she’s just a awkward lady who doesn’t know how to make friends. Takes her job real seriously

32. Faith = Trans woman! Loves life and is just a really gentle person. Another mom friend but in a kind way, unlike booty who will yell at everyone because she’s worried. Will crochet you a blanket if you’re cold

33. Mattis = awkward dad friend who’s in love with Faith. Has never fought anyone but will act intimidating if he has to. Has good advice to give. Real quiet, doesn’t talk much but he’s a great listener

34. Péja = so many androids! I swear that I made them all before dbh was out! A android specifically made for taking care of the household and little kids. Quite a cheeky android who jokes around a lot. Can easily beat the asses of 5 guys at once and will do so. Gives horrible advice, she really doesn’t know what she’s talking about

35. Bennett = another fox spirit. He doesn’t work at a shrine like Frei does, but works for a specific royal family. Basically, the queen was about to get hanged so she ran into the woods with her baby because she knew that a spirit lived there and asked him to take care of her child. He’s pretty much a nanny now. A real gentle man who respects nature and every creature on it. Bad at fighting but good at hiding. Great with kids

36. Temmie = A ghost lady who died as a kid but still aged as a ghost??? Idk what I was thinking there. She lived in a house with her parents who were alcoholics and who beat her more than once a day. She chose to not speak anymore since whenever she opened her mouth her parents already told her to shut up. At some point she tried to run away from home but got hit by a truck and died. Now she’s a friendly ghost who’s just kinda hanging around

37: Totengräber = Their name basically means “dead digger”, which is a grave digger. They are some kind of supernatural being who usually lives on graveyards. They dig out the coffins in order to take the souls out of the deceased bodies and to feast on them which gives them their supernatural powers. They’re quite the trickster but all in all very friendly and usually they befriend the local grave keeper. Can become both genders or neither if they wish so. They can also turn into a beast

38: Błysk = a old ass dragon man, who acts like a snob and a ladies man. Has tattoos all over his body and is not scared to show em off by walking around completely naked. A real dumbass who doesn’t know much. A “collector” dragon, if he sees something pretty then he will keep it. He’s not awkward or shy but he’s been living alone for so long that he kinda forgot how to have a proper conversation with other people

39. Damien = A dude who kills all of his girlfriend’s. He falls in love, after a while he gets the feeling that she doesn’t love him anymore and kills her. Usually he scrapes off the meat from the bones and eats it but sometimes he also just buries the corpses in the woods to which he lives close to. He’s been searching for his one true love since forever and once he finds her he is not going to ever let her go again. Will probably tie her down in his basement. Real horny. Really good at making friends and great at acting like he’s just a normal dude but pretty much has two sides which got used to working with each other. Cannot be trusted, he’s real good at lying and making things up to his favour

40. Ghost man who I don’t have a name for yet = he lives in the snowy mountains together with a bunch of little creatures which contain the souls of little kids who ended up dying on that mountain. Real dad, loves all his children. Really chill and sleepy 24/7 but he doesn’t sleep since he’s already dead. Means no harm, he’s just there to take care of the little one's

41. Zombie girl #2 who I don’t have a name for yet = Do you know the movie “Warm bodies”? I didn’t take inspiration from that movie, but it’s pretty much this girl who’s the only zombie who can even remotely think and act like a normal person. She was on a trip with her camping school club since she loves nature and all, so when they arrived she decided it was the perfect time to hang herself since she had bad depression and tried to kill herself a few times before. But while she was on her way to find a good hanging spot the other campers got eaten by a few of the first zombies. She hang herself and died but like two minutes later she opened her eyes and just went “Why does god hate me”, since the zombies ate a part of her and so “revived” her lmao. She’s smiling 24/7 even while she’s trying to find a new way of killing herself. Numb inside but still friendly. Has no intention of eating people

42. Yvette = a ghost boy who’s soul wandered off onto an island where it then possessed the life size puppet which was made by “the doctor”. Originally the doctor was hoping that a female soul enters the body since he wanted to have sex with it but once he noticed that a child soul entered the body he threw it out. Yvette sees the doctor as his dad now. He’s a friendly little fella who cannot remember his past, so now he lives on an island with either crazy or dead people. Seeing a half dead person who got sewed onto the body of a cow is something completely normal for him. Thinks that if humans loose all of their limbs that they’re not going to die since everyone on the island is already not a living human being anymore. Sees the right hand (who’s called Espen) of the doctor as his brother. Gets pushed around by Espen a lot. He’s a child,he just needs some love

43. Voks = one of Yvettes friends. She’s made out of bones, rotten flesh and wax. “The professor” who also lives on that island made her. She’s really supportive, curious and happy, but she has to keep the power of her soul quite high so that the wax that is all around her body stays soft and flexible. If it gets too hot then all the wax will melt off, only leaving the rotten corpse from some kid behind. If it gets too cold then she won’t be able to move. Could kill a bunch of people on one spot

44. Rakel = a deer slasher lady who lives in the norwegian woods. She leaves the woods only to get some sheep which she will take with her and devour. She’s real scared of adults, so if one goes into her forest then she will feel threatened and impale them with her pointy legs and also eat them afterwards. If a human child goes into the forest then she will either take it back to the border of the woods or take it with her to her barn where she will try to take care of the child herself which sadly usually ends up in the child’s death. Rakel always tries her best to keep them alive, but sometimes a little baby just can’t live off of a sheep cadaver. If someone goes deep into the forest then they will never find out again. Even if they put out a trail of some sort, it will just circle them right back to the middle of the forest. Rakel is the only one who knows how to leave the forest without getting lost. She really just wants to be left alone

#thanks for asking!! I love talking about my oc's aaaaa

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