#and becoming a mother shouldn't crush those dreams

[mochinomnoms]

I have been having this thought for days now and want to know what you think.

This is before ptm Jade and Yuu are together, it's Also before Riddle and Floyd are together.

Mama and Papa Leach are coming to visit there boys at school and of course they know all about Yuu and Riddle who know nothing about them. I imagine shenanigans would insuu. Like Mama and Papa Leach trying to set up there boys and just embarrassing them in general.

Their parents are very perceptive, and they know their own sons quite well. Despite their best efforts to hide it, and thanks to the twins' proclivity to embarrassing the other whenever possible, they both know specifically who their sons are fond of.

Mama Leech loves picking fun at Jade for his shyness with his crush. Granted, he's much more like her when it comes to interacting with the subject of his affections: coy, quiet, and sly. Waiting for the right moment to strike. In her case, it was a strike of jealousy that spurred her to claim her husband by kidnapping him and dragging him home. Though, it can't really be called a kidnapping when he was so eager to let her take him hostage.

But she notices how shy Jade is around Yuu, something that no one but those closes to him would notice. To others, he's his same polite, maybe a bit mean, self. But to her, she can see how gentle he is with Yuu, how his gaze lingers on their form longer than considered polite, and how his lips quirk up every so often with them. It's cute, but boring! She's wondering why he doesn't just pick them up and toss them in the sea to take home like Chinese take out. Just, swoop them up! Mama Leech forgets that that's not necessarily a custom for humans (or a good chunk of merfolk to be honest).

Jade knows what his mother thinks of romance, and her habit of becoming jealous. So he's not keen to let her around Yuu, especially considering the numerous amount of friends and general attention they get from others at NRC. In her mind, Jade should make a statement in front of everyone that Yuu would appreciate. After all, he must have studied them like she did her husband, so he must know them very intimately and what they like! But if he refuses? Well, time to take things in her own hands and start making offhanded comments about how fond Jade is of them, how much she raised him to be a doting partner, and that their home under the sea can just be soooo lonely! She wishes that he'd bring home a sweet partner to fill up the space, just like them :).

On the other side, it shouldn't come as a surprise then that Papa Leech is much more like Floyd: outspoken, attached, teasing, but ultimately won't make the first move. As much as he liked to chase after his wife and take over her attention, Papa Leech wouldn't make the move to make her his. Instead, he wanted her to chase after him, and was very excited when she kidnapped him for herself. It was practically a dream come true! Floyd is very similar, in that he likes Riddle's attention and reactions on him as often as possible. He's always been fond of excitable and expressive things, and Riddle (though not a thing) is one of the most expressive and eye-catching people he's ever met. Plus, he's so red! Floyd never knew how brilliant the color red could be, the color muted under the sea. Riddle has him quite enamored, though he's quite unaware.

Papa Leech thinks it's funny that Floyd can be so outspoken and social, and yet his crush have no clue that he's in love. Even more so after her got beat up by Riddle! You're telling him that the tiny classmate of yours that tossed you across the room on orientation was not only this tiny thing, but that he did that and didn't immediately claim Floyd as his mate? Humans are so strange in their courting customs. Papa Leech is just as “tactful” as his wife, funny enough, making small comments to Riddle about how much Floyd talks about him, how he's so impressed how determined he is, how strong he is, etc. Ironically, Papa Leech is Floyd's best bet in getting Riddle to fall for him, as Riddle tends to just assume the worst intentions from Floyd. But hearing how…sincere Floyd is, and the embarrassed look and pink cheeks on his face as he tries to get his father to stop, Riddle might be inclined to think more of Floyd's actions.

[hum-suffer]

I'm Yours 2

Ishan has always been a light sleeper. His mother was proud of him and his dad, a man who craved snacks at midnight, bemoaned his habits.

So when he wakes up on Sunday morning with a fresh gajra tied on his wrist, for a moment, he wonders if this is a hallucination or a dream. He blinks and pinches his thigh, the sharp sting reminding him that it's reality. He frowns, and touches the gajra. It's real.

Ishan takes a deep breath.

"Let's bathe first and then deal with this," he says to himself. Another beat passes as he reconsiders his promise to himself. "Maybe have some tea first."

____________________________________________________

He's so fucking glad that he had the tea first.

The moment he was more awake, he was panicking.

Someone fucking broke into his house? His house? His ancestral, beloved house that had marble flooring which made clancking sounds everytime he walked? Ishan cracks his neck and takes another fortifying breath, staring at the discarded gajra on the dining table. It feels very audacious. And flattering.

The thought is horrifying and for a moment, Ishan imagines his grandfather shaking his head at the bloody idiocy Ishan possesses. Wryly, he says outloud,"I'm a very good source of entertainment, aren't I, Dadaji?"

The house obviously remains silent. In a surprising turn, the loneliness he often feels seeps right back in.

He glances at the gajra again. "Hey, at least, someone alive gets entertainment from me."

He knows he should report this. But for now, he doesn't want to care. It's a bloody Sunday and he will be damned if something ruins his Sunday, even if it's a stalker/admirer.

A message pops on his phone just as he's about to wash his cup. 'Did you like the gajra, love?'

'don't have the hair for it, dude.'

He probably shouldn't antagonise a probable sociopath.

But hey, what is life, if not had decisions taken in the spirit of loneliness?

____________________________________________________

When he's more settled, in the evening, Ishan goes out for a walk. His body aches in protest and the ink marks on his fingers dictate his profession to anyone who cares to see.

End of semester season is horrible, but more so when he already has to plan so much. Tomorrow's the seminar for something techy— Ishan doesn't know, he's the Hindi teacher, and he'd rather prefer not to know. Those things just rot his brain and he hates the seminars more than students, probably, but he'd do just about anything to take some load off of Virat bhaiya. Jaddu almost always lightens the mood at seminars, and he's back from his holiday to Jamnagar, and Ishan is counting on him to be the better part.

Apart from Shubhman, that is.

Ishan cannot get over his silly little crush, no matter how hard he tries and he hates it. That's a celebrity. A good looking, smart philanthropist who also owns a registered firm.

Ishan doesn't know the name of the firm, he realises with a groan. He gets his phone out, shoots a quick text to Shreyas to prepare the introduction speech for Shubhman.

The admirer, has sent him another message.

'Do you have any favourite colour?'

'yes, it's the shade stfu of the colour mind your business.'

'Lol. Really, tho. Don't make me dissect your wardrobe and make a guess, love'

Ishan's eyes narrow. He's not going to be ordered around by this bullshiter.

'Be my guest, love'

'i'm gonna overlook the rudeness for that endearment'

'Im gonna kill u'. Ishan doesn't even realise he's smiling until he casts a random glance at the windows of parked car. He controls his smile instantly.

'your looks already have'

Ishan scoffs at the blatantly cheesy line. Ew. 'Stay dead.'

____________________________________________________

'You have an awful amt of blue clothes'

The message greets Ishan early in the morning, and so does the smell of jasmines. He looks down and there it is— a gajra tied on his wrist.

The pounding headache that he already has becomes more pronounced as he passes through the motions of his schedule, the message a background chatter in his head until he has the cup of tea in his hands.

So.

That happened.

Yesterday's gajra and today's gajra, side by side, stare at Ishan. Ishan gulps. He should not have done that— any of that.

"Kya kar Raha hai tu," he mutters to himself as his thumb hovers over the block button. Why is he hesitating?

(Maybe because he doesn't care of he's dead or alive. Maybe because he wants the attention. Maybe because the idea of being so desired makes him warm. Maybe because someone only focusing on him makes him feel cherished.

Ishan doesn't dissect these ideas.)

He blocks the number and reports it for good measure.

He's already almost late— the quest to find his beloved oversized blue silk shirt had taken too much time. He's probably left it back home, maybe. He doesn't remember taking it there but he's always been clumsy so who knows? He'll continue the quest later.

The smell of jasmines cling to his nose even after he's deliberately choosen a woodsy perfume.

____________________________________________________

Shubhman is at perfect time.

Avesh, the admin staff manager, came almost running to Ishan when Shubhman, bless him, called in advance to say that he'll be at the college withing fifteen minutes.

If Shubhman keeps this up, Ishan will do something embarassing— like quoting Hannibal or something. The sheer appreciation Ishan feels for the man is beyond words.

As always, Rohit bhaiya had forgotten the matchsticks somewhere but Jas had come through and Ishan is now running around only making sure the height of the mic and the placement of flowers.

Siraj drags him forcefully to the gate of the faculty, to greet Shubhman. A volunteer student clicks photos as Virat Bhai hugs Shubhman, who always appears star struck at the attention from their resident King. Rohit bhaiya squeezes Shubhman in a tight hug and the smile Shubhman has on his face is blinding.

(Ishan wishes someone was as happy to see him. His colleagues are always fun, but they have lives— Ishan doesn't.)

When Shubhman turns to him, Ishan can't help but stare. He's wearing a navy blazer over a white shirt and dark blue jeans. His eyes, they're dark and intense. Ishan feels frozen.

"Ishan." His voice sounds so fucking good. He steps forward and before Ishan can hold his hand out for a handshake, Shubhman steps in his personal space and gives him a side hug.

Ishan breathes in, to calm his heart, and catches a distantly familiar scent from Shubhman. It's probably a kind of perfume Ishan knows, he's obsessed with scents.

"Shubhman. It's a pleasure to meet you again."

What the FUCK is he saying. Ishan wants to dig a hole in some lonely ground and bury himself. A pleasure to meet him? Could he be anymore obvious?

"Trust me, the pleasure is all mine."

____________________________________________________

The seminar goes on for two hours, perfectly adhering to the scheduled time and Shubhman has prepared enough to be also able to do a QnA. Ishan will marry him.

The students rush out of the seminar hall without a second thought, all of them sleepy and wanting to enjoy the rest of their day after the cancellation of their classes.

Ishan hums to himself as he wraps up the extra papers and wires, the bag for Shubhman ready to take. "Tulsi, reusable pen, certificate." He counts everything outloud and puts the bag aside. Someone lifts it up instantly. Ishan whips around, seeing Shubhman standing there grinning at him.

"Hello, there."

"Hi, Shubhman. How long have you been standing here?"

"Just long enough to hear that aap Mumbai aa sakte hai."

Ishan feels his face heat up instantly and shakes his head. Shubhman laughs. "Come on, I feel like we should close this hall before someone closes us inside it."

Would it really be so bad?

Oh god, when did he turn into a desperate teenager?

Ishan follows Shubhman out, talking about measley things like movies and songs, to see him off and help him settle with the gifts but they're met with Virat bhaiya and Rohit bhaiya standing at the gate of the faculty and a thundering rain.

Fuck.

They both despise the rain. Ishan does too, to be honest. Almost everyone at the college hates it. Mostly, because after rain, their usually pristine college roads turn into water holding corners at some areas and the greenery in their college always allows for mosquitoes after a good rain.

Virat bhaiya shakes his head,"Unnatural rains, at the time of diwali no less! Kya zindagi hai yaar."

"Why are you being dramatic?" Ishan asks with a groan,"I have to go back on my bike! I'm already applying for sick leave for tomorrow, Rohit bhaiya."

Before Rohit bhaiya can say anything, though, Shubhman frowns at him. "But why do you want to get soaked? I have my car, I'll drop you off at your place."

"Absolutely not, I'm not going to impose on you like that. And what about my bike?"

"I'll send Rutu or someone with it tomorrow to pick you up, bhai." Rohit bhaiya says. "Don't get sick uselessly! Shubhman is right, you don't need to get soaked for nothing."

Shubhman nods along,"And it's not imposing if I offered. Come on, let me do my good deed for the week."

Ishan looks helplessly at Virat bhaiya. He lifts his chin and gives him a reassuring look.

"Okay."

____________________________________________________

Tagging: @mayakimayahai @kyayaarkiraa @ispeakmorelanguagesthanyou @onthecloudseven @khwxbeeda @ek-ladki-bheegi-bhagi-si @fortunatelycrazyyouth @ishkrisq

[lomlkenji]

༊*·˚ home | luke patterson

★ summary : after the fight luke and his mother had, he came to you. his home. 

★ warnings: angst, fluff & mentions of fighting. 

★ word count: 1.2k

── ⋆⋅☆

YOU WERE FLOODED WITH BLANKETS AS YOUR WHOLE FOCUS WAS ON THE LAPTOP PLACED ON YOUR LAP. you were watching your favourite Tangled with a pint of chocolate ice cream in your hand. 

your family were passed out, tired from all the barbecue you guys had earlier. with game night accompanying it, everyone went to bed in defeat — all except your father.

while they were sound asleep, you were watching your favourite disney movie. the concept of Tangled marveled you. 

you were one of those people who's into rom-coms or just plain romantic movies, but also refuse to actually be in a romantic action in real life. 

it's just that every time someone has tried to set you up with a guy, you never feel comfortable enough. 

also because you picked on every single flaw that they have and make it as an excuse that they're 'not the one'. 

there's this one guy, who is almost perfect. so, it's hard to find his flaw, but when you see it. you immediately think that it's a huge deal. 

basically he has two separate wallets, one for his large amount of credit cards, and one is for his wad of cash. 

but honestly, it was just to cover your feelings for the boy that has been with you since kindergarten. 

at first you didn't realise it, but you always feel all happy and giddy when he's around or when he makes eye contact with you. 

at first you thought it was just a phase that maybe you will get over. 

oh how wrong you were. 

those feelings just grew stronger by the minute. you become more aware of your appearance when he's around and always making sure that he's okay, etc. 

when you ranted to your best friend, she immediately told you that you were totally in love with him. 

but with him being in a band and having a huge gig at the orpheum — his dream place to perform — you couldn't tell him everything going on. 

he probably doesn't like you back and you will just bring more stress to him than what's already there.

you didn't even realise you were aggressively shoving ice cream in your mouth in a depressing manner. 

it's not that you were sad, actually you were, but you brushed the feeling off telling yourself that you're just being childish. 

but you were supposed to feel like this right? 

an idiot in love? 

or was that just propaganda? 

will you ever be so called 'in love'? 

the sounds of the voices in your head couldn't be tamed but that proves wrong when the song, I See The Light filled your ears. 

the sound immediately brought a smile to your face as the scene where eugene and rapunzel were on the yacht. 

but it was interrupted by a knock on your window. 

you jumped slightly and furrowed your eyebrows, confused but alert. the only person that would be coming through your window is luke. 

the boy we are crushing on? come one keep up! 

but it doesn't make sense, with christmas being around the corner, shouldn't he be spending time with his family? 

you put down your pint of ice cream nightstand beside your bed as you walk towards the window, opening it. 

and there stood luke patterson with a bag and guitar over his shoulder. 

his eyes were bloodshot red, his figure trembling as sniffles came out of his nose. 

you wasted no time taking his hand pulling him in. he dropped his things and instantly wrapped his arms around you. 

his face buried in the crook of your neck as sobs wracked his body. 

"shh shh i'm here. it's okay, you're okay, we're okay" you softly said as you rubbed his back making him relax. 

"i- i- they- we-" luke tried saying but getting his voice getting caught in his throat. 

"hey, hey it's okay" you softly pulled away and put your hands on his cheeks, wiping away some of his tears. 

you gave him a small smile "we have all the time in the world" you assured him. 

he nodded and brought you back in a hug, but this time his arms were around your neck, and your arms were around his torso. 

suddenly luke slowly moved forward which made you move backwards. 

your legs hit the bed as you fall down with a yelp bringing a chuckling luke down with you. 

you moved a bit, so your head met the pillows as his head rested on your stomach. 

this wasn't unusual for you guys, with knowing each other since kids, you guys often cuddle and sometimes even sleep on the same bed. 

your fingers continue to massage his scalp as his breathing slowed down and his body stopped shaking. his grip on your waist tightens every so often. 

"you're watching Tangled again?" he softly asked as he looked at the laptop beside you, trying to distract himself. 

"yep" you chuckled before continuing, "you wanna talk about it?" you softly asked the vulnerable boy. 

he nodded and took a moment before opening his mouth. "me and my mom got into a fight, " he started, his voice hoarse and you can practically hear him shaking. 

you rubbed your hand up and down his back, encouraging him to continue. 

"she was mad, saying that i'm wasting my time on the band, and she said that it's not important and i- i-" he stuttered with sobs. 

"shh shh it's okay, take your time" you encouraged him. 

he took a deep breath before continuing, "i didn't know what i was thinking but i packed up my clothes and just bolted away on my bicycle. and i have nowhere to go" he sobbed, pulling you closer as if you were an anchor and the only thing that will keep him grounded. 

your heart broke hearing him. "hey hey, it's okay you can stay here as long as you like" you said to him, a small smile on your lips. 

"really?" he looked up to you, sad eyes making you melt and devastated at the same time. 

you nodded, "of course. but promise me you'll talk to her after your performance at the orpheum" you told him. there is no way in a million years that you would let luke and his mom get into a fight and just break like that. 

you know how deeply luke loves music, but he loves his mom too. emily is an amazing human being, always being so sweet and kind. their bond is not just something to be broken. 

"i promise" he nodded and started to draw shapes on your side.

the action brought butterflies to your stomach, but you tried to cover your flustered state as you said to him, "it may not feel like home, but we can make it work" 

"i'm always at home when i'm with you" he mumbled quietly. 

your eyes widened as you stiffened. but it went unnoticed by luke as he pulled you tighter to him. 

he lazily lifted his head up and kissed the corner of your lips. he didn't say anything more after that. your heart flutters with thousands of thoughts invading your head. 

you feel like you can run five laps without stopping. 

you feel like screaming from the top of your lungs. 

but luke's snores alerted you that he's asleep and of course tired.

you beamed at the boy. "you're my home too luke" you whispered and kissed his head as you let sleep consume you with a smile on your lips. 

reblog for a kiss <3

[noahmullariii]

I've been thinking about how much I adore Tonks and Remus' dynamic but physically cannot ship them because my brain is being weird about their fucking age gap. this is so frustrating. they would have been so lovely for me if Tonks was like at least 27 in 5th book. Ronks (yeah I'm not calling it Remadora, Tonks hates her birth name ffs) would have been my ride-or-die alongside Jily and Wolfstar for sure.

because literally nothing else that Ronks antis consider deal breakers for them matters to me - not the fumbled way they get together in canon, not them getting married so quickly, not Tonks getting pregnant, not the assumed queer-coding of both characters (which I personally see, don't get me wrong. but it's assumed and who the fuck says they can't be queer4queer anyway?). sure, the nuclear family narrative being pushed so quickly and thoroughly onto them is peculiar but who says they didn't want to make the most of their time during a war? I love wartime drama and they would have been my shit if it weren't for... well. Tonks being 22 and Remus 35 when they meet.

I just can't ship big age gaps unless the youngest character is closer to 30 than 20. which is infuriating, because Ronks is objectively more fascinating because of their gap. my fucking loss, don't you think?

anyway, after thinking of ways I can make Tonks older without hurting the story, I began wondering whether her age is narratively important, and yes, turns out it very much is - for Harry.

Tonks being 22 in order of phoenix makes her the closest of Order members to Harry's age (Weasley twins don't count because they're Ron's brothers first, order members second for Harry) and the one Order member Harry can relate to the most in his youth and desire to fight. She almost perfectly parallels marauders and Lily in first war and represents the fun of the fight, the fire of youth, the confidence of a new recruit, the safety of relatability for Harry. She's one of the biggest inspirations for his newfound dream of becoming an auror. Harry needs Tonks among those older, battle-worn, cautious, secretive adults who don't take him seriously and never look him in the eye, because he wants to be what she is even before realising it and only reflects on it after spending time with her.

all in all, Tonks being 22 matters quite a lot for Harry's story.

now, we have no way of knowing whether Joanne came up with Ronks storyline prior to Tonks' introduction, but it shouldn't matter for their relationship, not in Joanne's opinion - Tonks' youth already fulfilled its narrative role in order of phoenix and stopped being an important asset of her character in half-blood prince.

oh, but unfortunately it still matters in the grand scheme of things, Joanne. you don't just introduce a young adult character (I'm 21 myself and gods, 22/23 is barely more mature), chuck their established age out the window and pair them up with a character in their mid-to-late thirties. and of fucking course it makes sense for a 23 year old to be down bad for some scruffy 36 year old man, it's incredibly realistic! this 36 year old man acting upon such crush is a little questionable, but still realistic (and we know Remus is very flawed, so I'm not surprised). but you know what isn't realistic at all?

Molly - a 46 year old woman, married to her high school sweetheart, mother to 7 children, 3 of which are close to Tonks' age - being extremely supportive of actually engaging in that sort of relationship, going as far as reprimanding Remus for not committing to it. I'm sorry, what? Molly might have some flaws as a mother, but she is nothing if not protective of her kids and those in their age range. She genuinely becomes somewhat of a mother figure for Tonks during their time in the Order, and I just cannot for the life of me understand how Molly could encourage her to pursue Remus and vice-versa, instead of consoling Tonks in her tragic crush and making sure Remus doesn't even look at her like that.

Minerva - an even older woman who taught both Remus and Tonks at Hogwarts, witnessed Remus becoming an adult from his graduation in 1978 up until 1981, then saw an 11 year old Tonks start Hogwarts 3 years later in 1984 - chiding Remus for not being "brave" enough to commit to such relationship. first of all, why the fuck is she involved in that narrative at all? it's none of her business??? she's not in any pseudo parenting role for either of them, unlike Molly, so I never understood why she even has a place to voice her opinion about their romance. second of all, even if it was her business, Minerva - a professor who witnessed both Remus and Tonks grow up so many years apart - would realistically feel pretty weird about such relationship.

those aren't problems with the ship itself, but rather the way Joanne implemented their romance in the story. I think it would be more realistic if Ronks was some kind of fucked up forbidden romance from other characters' perspectives. the way everybody is so instantly supportive of them is quite jarring to me.

interestingly, when I read hp for the first time at 11 I was quite adamant in my belief that Tonks was in love with Molly up until that scene in half-blood prince. a very weird belief for a kid, I know. I just only liked girls at the time and was relating to Tonks quite a bit since her introduction, so I guess I unconsciously decided she was a lesbian even without knowing that term yet. I also had a crush on my teacher in 4th grade and she was quite similar to Molly... yeah, this girl was projecting too much. I didn't pick up on Remus' queer-coding until I fell down the rabbit hole of lgbt discourse at 14, but was pretty shocked to read about Tonks falling for a man at 11. she was so like me until she wasn't :) it's pretty funny to think about now.

in conclusion, I'm hella jealous of those of you who don't have weird brains and can enjoy Ronks to their fullest potential. their canon writing has its issues but they're more interesting for it, truly. I'll stay in my no fun corner, headcanoning them as lavender married, queer-platonic, bisexual besties co-parenting Teddy Alastor Tonks.

[prettymuchteddy]

An Analysis of Aegon Targaryen ll's relationship with family from my fic that no one asked for

(Obviously, this is my take on Aegon based on my own fic, also kind of spoilers if you haven't read)

For the first 13 years of his life, Aegon really couldn't care too much about Helaena, he just saw her as his weird little sister. There were moments of love such as when he handed her a beetle in Driftmark but those were few and far between.

"He passively stretched out his hand, demonstrating a black beetle. Helaena looked as if she wanted to jump in place. She excitedly took the creature from Aegon’s hand and caressed its shell. (1)"

However, something happened in Driftmark that changed him forever. Aemond lost his eye. And Aegon failed to save his brother because he was drunk.

Aegon seemingly understood and put down his goblet. “Very well, but I’ll be drinking some fine wine later tonight. (1)”

Up until that point, Aegon tolerated his siblings but now his own carelessness had resulted in Aemond being hurt. His protectiveness toward his siblings was triggered that night.

"Aegon’s face darkened. His shoulders tensed as he clenched his jaw. Aemond had rarely seen his brother so upset. “That’s not fair! Jace called Aemond a Green!” Aegon suddenly spoke out. (2)"

Now as a grown man, Aegon has stopped drinking. He is married to Helaena and they have twins. He loves his children but retains feelings of self-hatred that sometimes come out in his interactions with them.

"Jaehaerys who was born first had Helaena’s lilac eyes. Meanwhile, Jaehaera who was born next had his eyes. The color was just a shade darker, but he could tell from the moment he saw her. He didn’t know what to feel when he saw those eyes. Her smile was her mother’s, but he regretted that his blood gave her his eyes.(3)"

He loves Jaehaera but she unfortunately inherited his eyes and he hates that. He adores his daughter and despises that she took on his features. He doesn't see himself in the greatest light and her looking like him crushes him because he feels she shouldn't look like him. Jaehaera is sweet, innocent, and good which Aegon feels he is not.

His relationship with Helaena is also complex. Given that he was raised alongside her and surrounded by the traditional Targaryen beliefs, he was aware that siblings married but he didn't think they would. Aegon has always seen Helaena as his little sister in the non-Targaryen way. Even after they married (for reasons I can't spoil yet) Aegon still sees her as his sister, not a romantic partner. Due to his protectiveness following Driftmark, he will sometimes display what others think are romantic gestures.

"With his other hand, he cupped her cheek.(3)"

"Aegon took her hand and cradled it.(3)"

However, he simply does these things platonically. In the example of his holding her hand, he knows Helaena likes certain physical gestures. And with his touch of her cheek, it's his trying to snap her out of her dragon dreams because she goes into a dissociative state. While they clearly have evidence of their consummation, Aegon can't see her as his wife. The idea of her being his wife is simply a title to him. While he realistically does recognize that they are married, to him she's his sister first. An example of this is when they briefly talk about their wedding.

“That child may have grown but he still cares about his little sister.(3)”

He purposely calls her "his little sister" and not "his wife". It could be seen as a way of him putting a distance between them but that's not the case to Aegon. To him, loving Helaena as a sister is more meaningful than loving her as a wife and this goes into Aegon's own issues with the idea of romantic partners in general.

When he was thirteen years old Aegon and his family were forced to flee King's Landing, effectively becoming traitors. Since then, he has been running for six years of his life only surrounded by his two brothers, younger sister, and mother. Due to this, he’s never truly developed a bond with someone outside his family. If he ever possibly began to care for someone romantically it wouldn’t have lasted. Aegon knew that because of how often his family has to move around he didn't try to develop any other relationships. To him, love was never a realistic option. Helaena is the closest he’ll ever have to that type of bond but as previously mentioned he doesn't feel that way with her. Despite this, he takes his marriage with Helaena seriously.

“I promised you that when we took our vows.(3)”

In conclusion, Aegon is a complicated person and things will only get more complicated when the dance begins. No one asked for this but I love explaining characters.

Citations even though I wrote this 🕺

(1) A Targaryen Type of Madness Part 19

(2) A Targaryen Type of Madness Part 19 Continued

(3) The Madness of Dragons Chapter 2

[saelterlude]

I'm probably overthinking but I've been thinking of the powers in Link Click as a see-possess pair since that's how it seems to work between Lu Guang-Cheng Xiaoshi and Li Tianxi-Li Tianchen but at the same time what if it's not.

One of the reasons Lu Guang is strict on the rules is that (according to him) if Cheng Xiaoshi change a major node then he might return to a different 'present' to where he came from. But that doesn't make sense since we know CXS changed Chen Xiao's past. Not just by winning the basketball game (A node LG was very wary about) but also by talking with the captain, his crush, and mother.

This isn't like the previous two missions where the information was gathered in the past but only shared in the present. This was actively changing the past by saying CX's regrets out loud. Things won't change for the village, people still die, but winning the game and saying what he does meant that CX shouldn't have any regrets that makes him approach QL to solve them. Realistically CXS would have return to a 'present' where CX never gave them the job simply because he doesn't have those regrets.

Instead CXS returns to the same present he came from. And the changes CXS did? They only become dreams for CX. That's how he described them in his letter to the captain.

"I've been dreaming recently about the tournament with Long Yang. As your substitute, scoring three pointers and dunks." Exactly as Cheng Xiaoshi did.

So why did Cheng Xiaoshi return to this 'present' meanwhile we have Lu Guang who somehow shifted into a different 'present' where CXS didn't die. And we know he's actually in a different 'present' and not actively possessing his own body for years because both CXS and LTC have possessed him. Two people can't possess the same person at the same time, one of them will get kicked out. We've seen that twice.

In both of these CXS was possessing LTX and LG and both time was kicked the moment LTC possess them.

So we know Lu Guang is no longer 'diving' but has actively 'shifted' his present. So what's the difference between CXS's dive as CX and LG's dive? Easy, CXS was connected to 'present' LG while LG dived alone.

So in tandem, instead of being a see-possess pair, it's more of a anchor line-diver pair (an analogy the show itself uses). I don't know a lot about diving so this might be wrong but I've snorkeled a few times. And when you're snorkeling in rough waves, the boat you came from would typically throw a line out so you can hold on and follow it back to the correct boat (and not yknow drift away and enter a stranger's boat). I assume an anchor line does something similar to divers, follow it and you'll find your boat on the surface.

So Cheng Xiaoshi dived, swim around in the water, make some waves, probably splash CX a bit, and followed Lu Guang back to his present. Meanwhile Lu Guang dived, swim around in the water, make some waves, and instead of returning to boat 1 he boards boat 2, a new timeline where Cheng Xiaoshi is alive.

For Li Tianxi and Li Tianchen, I guess it's more of a "Hey, you're already in the water surrounded by boats but lemme guide you to the boat you're supposed to drive." or something.

I don't know where I'm going with this. This isn't a speculation on how the show will goes, this is just a mechanical exploration of Link Click's time travel because I love exploring stuff like that.

[horizon-verizon]

I’ve always disliked Rhaena. She was a terrible, neglectful mother to her daughter and an abusive, cheating wife to Androw Farman.

*EDITED POST* (9/1/24)

Response to this post HERE.

The same guy who killed what seems to be a teenage girl because his wife came to hate him and wouldn't allow him to accrue more power or esteem through her position yet also wanted her to become politically subordinate to her out of jealousy and a fragile ego? Sure, let's go through this.

blankwhiteshield says this:

You can have an irredeemable and evil character that the patriarchy still suppresses and affects the psychology of immensely, rendering her a bigger monster. The commentary on the destructive capacity of static social constructs is not lost as a result. A character can turn into the devil of the story due to a world that ceaselessly strips her of her humanity, as well as as a result of the choices she actively makes.

And Rhaena was never actually evil or abusive or anything like these things BEFORE she's forced to marry Maegor, etc.

Her History (and a Pseudo-Summary of Later Explanations)

I perceive Rhaena to have been sensitive in her youth and then grew more bitter from the slights & abuses against her. The hurt becomes the hurter. It started as ner needing to be away from people towards the end of her life, especially when they expressed they didn't want her around and they had been with her intimately (romantic, familial, or platonic).

Though she started shy and always preferred to be either alone or with close friends, it is that reservedness that makes her value her bonds with a select group of people that makes their dismissals or betrayals hurt that much worse. Thus her lashing out, her brooding, her solitary runs, and her cold "bloodthirstiness" against Androw after she realizes he killed all her remaining friends. All ways for her to collect her perenially crushed dignity.

She marries Androw just to be close to Elissa and she never mistreats Androw until Elissa leaves. Then she lashes out, because this is already on top of all the other betrayals that happened before she ever met either of them.

It's very easy to accuse her of flagrant abuse when you erase context or leave shit out. She ticks off 3 of 8 behaviors of emotional abuse (in italics):

threats

insults

constant monitoring

excessive jealousy

manipulation

humiliation & ridiculing

intimidation

dismissiveness

But if every argument or insult between any sort of relationship doesn't have insults or some level of dismissiveness, and then humiliation when these things go unaddressed properly for some time, I'll eat my hat. You'd be lying. Are all relationships (platonic or otherwise) abusive, then?

And we know that it would have continued. The details we get, she:

continued to accuse/suspect him of helping Elissa run away and steal her dragon eggs

said that the "wrong Farman" ran away

laughed after her ladies laughed when he requested to replace a man named Bullock as the garrison commander

mocked him when she said how he couldn't stay on a dragon even if he tried after he declared they'd go together to the dying Alyssa

...but also does this or the women making fun of the man (more on that later) merit MASS femicide and killing kids for your own growing self-loathing AND does Rhaena's actions actually have terrible wide-range consequences for those outside of her small group?

(Reminder, femicide is different from just killing a woman. Femicide is killing a person because they are a woman and you wish to display dominance in destroying a woman & instilling their inferiority or subservient position to oneself, to punish her for straying from that role. Again, I explain how Androw falls under a femicidal person.)

Of course, Elissa left bc Rhaena already was in her state of bitterness and to kickstart her sailor-captain-adventurer dreams. However, if we argue that Rhaena shouldn't have put down a grown man's self-esteem and hurt both her lover & daughter so she could feel more in control...shouldn't we hold Androw Farman accountable for his crimes in response to those put-downs and slights?

I think that the strength of Rhaena's writing is how human she is and is allowed to be by the narrative while showcasing how she pulled others into her misery with no coddling nor outright subtextual disgust.

In Rhaena, we get the raised question of what do we do with a victim who's BOTH fallen into darkness and then faces more of the similar thing they resented or has pushed them into the darkness? We also see the beginnings and consequences of female Targ abuse. I think we can appreciate Rhaena as a layered female character with many faults developed from abuses or ignoring those abuses, exacerbated over time while being the center of a story within a major one. Something we don't get often enough for women.

In Rhaena, we're getting a very detailed look into non-ideal motherhood, womanhood, and victimhood--from her and those she hurt. But a very real one.

She clearly has loyalty to her own family and house, cares about her kids as a mother (look below), but also seeks out any sort of compensation or some sort of justice for the suffering and sidelining that came from being a woman, and a woman in the wrong place of history AND being a female Targ.

She is quite literally our first account of what being a female Targaryen princess/royal family member is like (Alyssa Velaryon does not grow up royal or a Targ). She foreshadows & heralds the exclusionary/oppressive fates of Targ women, especially under war, and shows us the one way a woman (does not or cannot) deal with the fallout & decisions of others.

(Check out the quote way below of her criticizing her mother's decision to marry Rogar despite Rogar having abandoned Aegon when he battled Maegor above the God's Eye).

We remember that her brother Aegon was named heir over her despite her being the oldest child of Alyssa & Aenys. She did not complain or protest at this because she grew up in this patriarchal society and lived more or less privileged, surrounded by a lot of so-s-so--to great female friends as a princess and expecting to become Queen Consort one day, with the new family she grew with said husband. She is also the one to give her siblings Jaehaerys and Alysanne the eggs of the dragons they have while they are still in their cradles.

That all ends with her uncle usurping her husband, which is ironic because, again, she is the oldest AND she wanted to leave to protect their twins. So we should understand that at one point she came to the idea that her life could have been totally different if she had been Queen/heir apparent, as a succession crisis still occurred.

Then she's forced to marry that same uncle who she probably believes betrayed not only his rightful king but his entire family through the murder of her brother-husband, the "marriage", threatening her daughters, and killing her brother (Viserys). And of course, Maegor would have raped her through the entirety of their forced marriage. Later on, her mother aids Jaehaerys in further passing her over for another son--yes partly for the survival of all her surviving kids, but again it's not so much Alyssa as much as the passing over after all Rhaena was forced to give up (below). Alyssa and Rogar explicitly planned against the possibility of her becoming a regent for one of her daughters (as they both were thought as Aegon's heirs) ["The Year of the Three Brides -- 49 A.C."]:

I don't know if she, in real-time, understood that this was the reasoning behind Rogar & Alyssa's thinking, but either way, she looks like she observed that she was being treated as more of a threat than someone Alyssa gave birth to and someone who would have done anything for her family. Her claim became the thing her family used against her. And she became more and more resentful of the exclusion and "subtle" betrayals/sidelining.

And was it truly Alyssa's fear, or Rogar's, that Rhaena would come back to wrest power through her daughter? Who is the one to try to kidnap Rhaella and force her to "confess" that she is Aerea after he failed to get Aerea or convince the others to back his plans to usurp Jaehaerys? Rogar!

More likely, he convinced Alyssa that this was the case so he'd be more in control and isolate/distance Rhaena from her family. She saw through him before anyone else! ("Prince into King"):

Her and Jaehaerys, his making it clear that she would not gain Dragonstone based on her own autonomous claim to the throne but on his permission as king--have their own sort of betrayal, even though he had his own pressures to show others his strength and authority he could be a "tough but fair" king. Again, she didn't ask for the throne, but the thing that would be given to who is the next in line to the throne.

At this point, Aerea was Jaehaery's heir presumptive (not "apparent"). Jaehaerys had no children and Rhaena had just come from the machinations of the Lannisters--her moving into Dragonstone and being recognized as one with a claim would have given her more power against those seeking to use her. Plus, again, her daughter was considered Jae's heir. Hence, when Jae took that last dignity/remnant of something that could-have-been from Rhaena, she sought to claim back her own daughter...especially since she might have known that Jae would just eventually sideline Aerea if/once he had kids. (From her perspective)

Jaehaerys took her asking for Dragonstone as an indirect challenge to himself (not that she was opposing him so much as her doing it at all reminds others that because she is the eldest of Aenys' children, others around them could advocate or use her despite her being female....just as Rogar tried to when he tried to usurp Jaehaerys), and I think Rhaena was offended by his even thinking to suspect or throw out a hint of accusation. As well as his extra pains to make sure she was his subject and not his equal or peer in the full eyes of everyone. There is where she'd feel humiliated simultaneously.

Yes, Jaehaerys was trying to solidify his place in a time when people doubted him right after defeating Maegor, but it is not about him so much as him distrusting her. With her history. Doing it purposefully in front of "outsiders" and potential betrayers (Rogar and the other courtier & nobles) looking for any weaknesses--as if she were not family, as if she weren't the one who gave him his egg as a baby as if she'd actually care enough to try to usurp him. Why not talk to her beforehand, get her into a conversation about their plans going forward so he could broadcast his own control. Thus also strengthening the idea of her symbolic outcast-enemy status to the public. For all Rhaena's self-retreats and brooding, she had much to brood about.

In other words, kinda like Maegor (for it would remind her of Maegor, I think) Jae chose power over family...or really, he was very shortsighted when it came to a problem like this, chose to take advantage of his female relatives while also excluding them from most political decisions and chose the easier, exclusionist way (bc against, he continues this into his death, alienating most of his female family members but also opening the way to the Dance through that exclusion or sidelining).

With Alyssa, his mother becoming his regent and marrying the man who would have usurped him through his connection to Alyssa, I also think that he saw it better for him to consolidate power away from his female relatives bc they could marry men who'd compete with him.

Even with Alysanne, you can see where he reaped the benefit of her intellect, or would have ignored some of her claims and demands if she hadn't been the right kind of insistent (the drinking water of KL).

Her Marriage & Androw's Character

She definitely "cheated" if you define cheating as going out for a partner whilst having another on a monogamous relationship despite only marrying them for security, but I don't really feel she should be shamed in the same way we should shame Robert Baratheon, Aegon II & IV, Aerys II, and just ASoIaF men in general for cheating. I do not care that Cersei cheated on Robert multiple times, she cheats for feelings of safety and affirmation, to have bodily autonomy; he does because he can and feels like it's his male-given entitlement.

Even if Robert didn't abuse Cersei, I wouldn't care about her cheating versus his cheating because Cersei, while she definitely has her ego, cheats to reaffirm the autonomy ignored since childhood AND to try to use her lovers to her own political advantage during her marriage to him. That and how the marriage itself is an arrangement for politics, not for love or intimacy AND women are expected to not practice the same sexual freedoms men do, not even allowed to have their own lovers without ruining their reputations and social value. She also might (and this is a big might) have stayed faithful or devoted to Robert (or at least would feel some guilt in her affairs) if not for his clear preference for Lyanna AND his philandering throughout their marriage. It comes from a need to have the power men have in her society. Again, Robert cheats on Cersei because he just feels like it and thinks he's entitled as a man/king and feels Cersei is second fiddle to a dead girl who wanted nothing to do with him but he'd never accept that if he had known and likely still would have cheated on if they married bc cheating in general for him is a right. Cersei is from the thought that she should have that kind of power, that entitlement, and though she does not, she will claim it and also do it for her kids' sake....too bad that her classism and cruelty far outstrip her own perception of her capabilities.

The other thing is that Rhaena was very likely a lesbian who could sleep with a man if she was "asked nicely" for politics if the husband was pleasant enough, and/or if it benefited a relative as long as it also didn't ruin her autonomy, esp after Maegor. People of the same sex cannot marry each other even in Dorne, and they can't openly live together as a couple. And if she wasn't lesbian, she'd still be a bisexual woman who got her most important and most positive relationships from those with women. When that happens, romance, sexual desire, and platonic love can and often blur. Especially when there is no safe room to really explore/reflect on those feelings in one's youth or adulthood.

And of course, she fell in love with Elissa and wanted to be close to her.

What exactly could she have done except use marriage as her cover? Yeah, that's unfortunate for Androw, who probably thought that she was in it for him and romance (he wasn't very bright, too), but his feelings don't invalidate or erase the conditions I've described nor do they really compare or level with Rhaena's position as a wlw woman. The condition of entrapment for a woman like Rhaena. Esp with her history of family abandoning her, she probably felt she needed to "ensure" being close "enough" to Elissa through marriage to her brother.

Rhaena says this of why she married Androw ("A Surfeit of Rulers"):

I do not think their marriage was ever a real one, in terms of romance or having a close bond ("Birth, Death, and Betrayal"):

Though they began as pleasant acquaintances, she always had stronger love and care for his sister, not him. Rhaena knew that she'd be pressured into remarrying even after Maegor's death to shore up Jaehaerys' (really Rogar's authority and stake in Jaehaerys' rule) own power through connections to specific families. This is why Rogar was angry when she married without his permission.

He even was already choosing people of his own family to arrange a marriage b/t her and them for his own power! ("The Year of the Three Brides-49 A.C."):

So her rationale & goals in marrying Androw: If she had to be married, she would choose the guy who she thought wouldn't make things difficult and oppressive for her, which includes marrying a guy far beneath her powers and rank PLUS an easygoing guy. Remember how she rails at Rogar for basically consigning her mother, Alyssa Velaryon, to death instead of just being happy with the male child she managed to birth to him before? Her disapproval of Jaehaerys for dismissing her with Dragonstone, his castigation of her threatening Franklyn Farman even though he's the one who told her he would just throw out Aerea if she ever appeared just as he did to her. Maegor's forcing her to marry him and raping her for months, the fear she could have lived with all those months.

She did not marry him to love him nor hurt him intentionally, but she married him to avoid marrying a man who could drag her into heated political conflicts and to be closer to Elissa without it causing too much suspicion/to keep female intimacy without suffering patriarchal violence. Androw was placidly kind (in the beginning and what she thought) and didn't ask as much from her as other noblemen would have. Until later...

Androw became (or failed to hide that internalized envy and inferiority complex) the very sort of man she tried to avoid, incel-like. Here is a quote of him and his justification for killing all her friends ("Birth, Death, and Betrayal Under King Jaehaerys I"):

Meanwhile, these are descriptions of Androw as a person both before and a little after his marriage to her:

A lot of emphasis was placed on his:

his lack of really wanting adventure, the opposite of his sister whom Rhaena loved and preferred just as a companion (their incompatibility, not just his inferiority and lack of appeal) -- his incompetence as either a warrior or a "learned" man. going back to the inferiority part, let's be real, how much appeal does a person with no talent NOR any ambition have? If you don't have talent, at least have intelligence or curiosity or ambition. If not the last one, at least some of the others. And he's illiterate so no discussions about stuff they could read, has no hobbies to speak of or that we see. It's not just Rhaena who sees no appeal in him; apart from seeing that he is powerless in Dragonstone bc Rhaena shows her indifference to him, others around Androw have not been his friend or whatever for ALL of his life. Again, he's not that impressive of a person.

And he never seemed to really care or notice this (or expressed such) until people began to really mock and disregard him on these things alone and he was outside of his own birth home, where he'd not really experience people making fun of him probably bc his brother and father would not have allowed it, or he wasn't so much in people's view for them to dwell on his shortcomings.

Mark that part about him spending his time in the room with the Painted Table with the map of Westeros. He started to dream of conquests or those masculinized activities of power and domination.

The women weren't just mocking him without observing a legitimate change in him, as cruel as the book (written by male maesters) tells us they were about it. They were mocking him bc they see him try so hard to grasp power when he has little to no qulaification and has put no real energy when he should have, has enjoyed actually being a kept man before but now wants to act "tough", how ill-suited he is to it--too obviously try to show he's the "boss", the "man"--for not understanding/accepting who has the real power (Rhaena); AND probably bc they are so used to seeing a man have all the power and are enjoying the reversal, their advantage over him.

While one may think that it's understandable and justified for him to want more respect or power in a place where people constantly denigrate him...

again, it was beyond obvious he wanted power bc he wanted respect that he seemed to have never noticed was never there until he moved away from his father's protection--but he had multiple opps to learn to read, ride horses, , etc. and even IF he had some mental disability, he expected others to believe he COULD lead bc he was male. He expected that Rhaena WOULD want more kids and care to allow him her body because he was her husband/a male. Neurodivergent or mentally disabled people do not get an automatic pass for misogyny. (Rhaenyra ruled Dragonstone for years, was beside Viserys for some years before her DRGSTN rule and observed him/the council and at least was appointed a leadership role, so yes she was at least bare min "qualified" in Westerosi standards except for her gender) AND

what he does to get revenge and get back control doesn't match the wrong(s) and was itself misogyny-motivated AND again, he was already turning to the feudalist hypermasculine ideal of violence against women and children as a way towards "dignity"...something that Aemond will grow up as part of his male, princely entitlement in his own mass/spree murders and subjugation in the riverlands.

Mind you, he decided to kill only the women around Rhaena, not any of those men who the maester said also mocked him.

Here are 2 quotes about that ("Birth, Death, and Betrayal Under King Jaehaerys I"):

And this is what he says to her after she is hugging the corpse of her cousin and youngest companion, Lianna Velaryon:

So why is he an incel? Because he feels he is entitled to her time, body, and company even to the moment where he kills all her friends for being her friends and not "respecting" him, though they were never a real couple; like Rogar to Alyssa (who had been castigating her until he finally insults her in front of the council when he proposed usurping Jaehaerys), Androw wants to be the lord to his wife instead of the husband to her "over"-lady. He wanted that traditional, patriarchal dynamic, and what's so absurd is that he expected it after all those months of being married to her...instead of thinking about that before marrying her, when she had been a Queen Dowager and showed her personality at his home island.

Now, this is not to say Rhaena should have let her daughter splash shit water on his head without suitable punishment since he hadn't done anything at that point to either her or Aerea to warrant such anger that the book tells us. It's saying that:

she already grew to distrust men of her not being able to deal w/the sexism...once more, we need to remember that Maegor raped her & threatened her child's life

her distaste for him grew because she couldn't stand his Elissa-like face

there may have been some words b/t them when they fought the two times they fought she could never forgive (we don't know for sure bc we aren't privy to that from the book but it is a possibility)

she suspected him of helping Elissa take Dreamfyre's eggs bc she knew that he was likely to help his own sister, they weren't close themselves, she and Elissa were on the rocks, AND he probably was already showing signs of jealousy at their bond...too eager to establish something she could never have with him

and as a result, she withdrew into her circle of women, those she had always been able to find some sort of substantive emotional support and less unpleasant surprises -- thus her further distancing from him and refusal to really castigate her people from disrespecting him

he either developed an inferiority complex after being mocked OR he always had one but it really got triggered when Elissa's absence made him more aware of how others thought he was out of Rhaena's league and disrespected him on his own lack of those qualities that his society expects of an aristocratic man

Add the boiling pain and betrayal above and you have a person who can't tolerate their husband, another person asking things of her or who w/could.

Retrospectively, I also headcanon that Rhaena felt this envy growing in him whenever they were together and this was one more reason for her to separate herself from him. That he made some sort of demands from her to treat him more like Andal women are expected to treat/think of their husbands as their masters or directors...despite her outranking him (if not in powers but in the title), their seemingly non-close relationship, and his seemingly being fine enough with that to even agree to marry her in the first place.

Androw wasn't a helpless child. He seemed content until they had to leave Fair Isle on his own brother's orders and was more exposed to others' thoughts of his subparness. Despite the rank, Rhaena can't do much for a person who doesn't attempt to self-improve (it's told the maester was the one who tried to get him to at least be more learned). And she felt she shouldn't have to, bc again he wasn't a kid and she probably felt she gave/worked enough for the wrong people.

Rhaena as a Mother

Apparently, or maybe, Rhaena was never a child person. However, remember that this is the same woman who:

begged her brother-husband to run to Essos to take their kids away & protect them from Maegor, specifically stating she prioritized the girls' lives over his claim, the latter of which she had already said she prioritized over her own life

laid her life on the line to protect her two daughters from Maegor by disguising them and voluntarily entering KL/the Red Keep to be married off to him, even with no expressed protest....also accepted the chance she'd be tortured

in her forced wedding, saw that her kids were taken nonetheless and let go of any thoughts of really going against Maegor while they were hostages -- and thus had to live as hostage herself to her uncle for months

spent an entire year or so on Dreamfyre looking for Aerea when she ran off with Balerion or in a sort of guilt-desperate state...in spite of her condemnations of Aerea taking & bonding with her father's "killer" AND before that, yes "raged" but also not being able to sleep after Aerea's disappearance

Adding to how she has spent a long time apart from her own kids for their safety AND was already less inclined to want to interact with kids in general, her kids may have become "less" her own while she brooded over her other family. now you've got a very complicatedly angry and emotionally repressed person as a parent.

Yes, she eventually stifles Aerea in her anger at her siblings and mother, hatred for Rogar and refuses to even consider how the girl feels about her leaving what she thought of as home. Only to ignore her most of the time unless it is to yell at her for her disruptions and troublemaking. And her other daughter tells her that she might not have been a great mom, but she was glad to be her daughter if only to become a septa and "serve" the Mother (one of the Seven).

These are valid conclusions and worth being frustrated with her. I just hope that we're not looking at her as if she were an evil entity for the sake of being that way or because she was "just" selfish. I happen to think she was in the wrong time with the wrong people and no idea of how to get them to really acknowledge her own crap, so she chose to cope by ignoring them and barrel over her own emotions.

She seemed to already have the sort of inclination or predisposition where she compartmentalizes her feelings until the danger passes or when she's insulted. And the more times she gets insulted or put into danger, she claims up and tried to maintain her dignity. When someone asked her why she didn't cry over Aegon's death, how she "coldly" goes through the wedding when Tyanna insults her and brings out her kids, how she talks to Franklyn Farman, how she sullenly warns Jaehaerys about trusting the admiration or regard of the other lords as if she knew he wouldn't listen, and how she points out Jaehaerys' anxiety of her in the same tone.

So with each thing, she became more and more withdrawn while also seeking to keep what she thought she could keep close to her close even if they themselves began to either feel suffocated by her or felt they were losing pieces of their own life (Aerea [being heir presumptive and life built at KL] & Elissa Farman [her dream of being a seas-sailing adventurer]).

And a huge motivation for Elissa to leave Rhaena would have been Rhaena's private hurting her. Why stay & put off your dreams when the person you love has changed so thoroughly as to even (maybe, I headcanon) take it out on you? I don't hate Elissa for leaving Rhaena to start a new life...just for taking the eggs to do it when she knew that it would put Rhaena in a mess with her other family and even could disgrace her in the public eye.

All of Rhaena's self-suppression would come out, built up and vitriolic. And it's important to trace its development so we don't add to that dismissal or misjudge and simplify her.

I also find it fascinating how alike and different Aerea and her are and how they respond to the isolation both experience. Aerea, like Rhaena, grew up expecting to have one of the highest ranks and/or positions of power available in Westeros. Aerea also felt abandoned by her mother when she expresses to Alysanne how she did care her mom's friends died. Aerea also had many friends/acquaintances and was happiest around them. She, like Rhaena, regarded Elissa Farman as one of the most important persons to her and their loneliness, even with Aerea being the one to actually beg Elissa to stay while Rhaena let her leave the second time asking. Both are stubborn and become more and more sullen. And both mistreat others in their loneliness and trying to feel more in control against a relative: Rhaena against Alysanne and Jaehaerys by wanting Aerea back and Aerea throwing poop on Androw as well as pranking and harassing others. Aerea learns from Rhaena, but she eventually just does what Saera hopes she could have done and takes a dragon for her own freedom...tragically ending with her own painful death. While Rhaena did not die as painfully, she does die pretty much alone and miserable in her attempts to get back control. A little less sympathetically as she had more power over Aerea still refused to listen and communicate with her kids, but similar in intentions and thematically. It's also funny how like Jaehaerys she acted here, pushing away a daughter for her own selfish ends to never see them again. At the same time, it was only a matter of time before Aerea was pushed away and out of KL when Jaehaerys finally had children to become his heirs, as many expected and hoped for. As I said in the first section, Aerea was just Jaehaerys' heir "presumptive", not his "apparent" and he seemed very glad to foist her onto Rhaena. What sort of disappointment would Aerea have had if she had stayed and Jaehaerys had kids? Yes, they didn't know that Jaehaerys was fertile and would go on to have many children, but even Maegor would have had kids (if it weren't for Tyanna) the ever-present plans of a monarch and their subjects include children to be their heirs. Whether or not Rhaena felt and anticipated this and acted either for herself or for both her and her daughter or how much she really thought about her daughter's future for its own sake, I believe that it's cool to think about the probability that Aerea would eventually inherit Rhaena's frustrations of being passed over and abandoned, rejected on account of her gender.

Rhaena was a complicated woman. She already didn't have patience with kids but loved her own. She loved her family and was fiercely loyal, but after some abandoned her, she also always tried to claim some dignity for herself and forgot what it was like being a child and/or helpless in the process. Needed a partner who was either as bold or bolder than her, yet used her rank to overpower them into staying with her despite knowing sailing was her dream.

Comparison to HotD!Alicent

Why the comparison? Because I feel someone might bring this up if they took the time to brave my ridiculously long post AND HotD's Alicent also goes through sexual abuse and neglect or abandonment by family. Both's bad problematic behavior toward those they love or have loved comes directly from their abuses, some that stem from societal and familial misogyny. Both do not really consider their friend's/partner's (Rhaenyra and Elissa) needs or desires to feel less lonely or to make power moves. And Alicent of HotD is told to be wlw by some fans, if not lesbian.

However:

HotD Alicent is not well thought out as a character and has more internalized misogyny than Rhaena. Rhaena does not hurt her lover nor wife from wanting to deny her own womanhood, Rhaena has shown to be quite the opposite of a misogynist (threat to Rogar).

HotD!Alicent empowers her male relatives to hurt more people because she feels she has to as a woman basically totally succumb to patriarchal ideology even in her sending that damned note to Rhaenyra, while canon!Rhaena has been trying to keep and get power for herself in spite of the men around her.

Rhaena is not a simple queerbait wlw character, her relationships with women are not queerbait: her sexuality is believable as presented and her relationship with Elissa Farman is obvious because of the background information for both, how they got together, how Rhaena came into her own, why they were attracted to each other...it all is well written, coherent, consistent, and comprehensive.

She is smarter than HotD!Alicent and more aware of the motivations of others around her, and the politics around her as well.

Finally, Rhaena's core motivations remain clear and consistent. No compromising of self-respect while searching for constant, mutual love from her peers.

In other words, Rhaena's life and psychology are written way better and comprehensively than HotD!Alicent's AND she has way less internalized misogyny than Alicent.

Quotes

#1 ("The Sons of the Dragon")

#2 ("The Sons of the Dragon")

#3 ("The Sons of the Dragon")

#4 ("Birth, Death, and Betrayal Under King Jaehaerys I") & ("Jaehaerys and Alysanne -- Their Triumphs and Tragedies")

#5 Rhaena & Jaehaerys about Dragonstone and Aerea ("A Time of Testing"):

#6 And then we have this moment of Rhaena seeing her daughter again after Maegor's gone ("Birth, Death, and Betrayal Under King Jaehaerys I"):

#7 Her against Rogar and the Succession ("A Surfeit of Rulers"):

#8 Finally, what she says to Alysanne when she suggested taking Aerea back to KL ("Birth, Death, and Betrayal Under King Jaehaerys I"):

[rappaccini]

the ultimate gwenship tierlist made up of all the people and creatures she has kissed, dated, flirted with or had a hint of vibe with.

(... i'm gonna update this as new additions are introduced)

in this essay, i will--

NO GOD NO PLEASE NO: the ships that'll wreck her character

miles warren / the jackal (earth-616): the clone-crazy professor who was obsessed with gwen-616, transferred those feelings to gwen-65 and wanted to put her in a barbarian basement. handled right in the mcguire run, since him being evil was the point, as was how gwen being in 616 only leads to her living in gwen-616's shadow (🧂). he's in this tier because even though his execution was excellent, his motives were reprehensible.

peter parker / spider-man (earth-616): the gwiles of 10 years ago. no matter how kind he is, peter will suck her into his orbit, turn her into his sidekick-girlfriend and always treat her like a replacement goldfish for his gwen. and gwen will always be trailing after him, comparing him to her peter. terrible terrible ship that wrecks all their character development.

miles morales / spider-man (earth-1610): the gwen/peter of today, but the one that stands a strong chance of happening thanks to the sv movies. a boy she has no chemistry and nothing in common with, who she's too old for, who'll take away her independence and girlfriendify her because of his sheer popularity. if the best case scenario for them is gwen giving up her personality, loved ones, world, interests, dreams, sexuality, age and purpose to become a spider-wife and mother to kids she would never want to have, then don't fucking do it. terrible terrible ship that drags gwen kicking and screaming back into the closet, and into the male gaze, and makes miles responsible for it.

peter parker / the lizard (earth-65): he had an unreciprocated crush on his best friend, turned to villainy out of insecurity and misogyny, and decided to pull a quiet-kid-takes-a-gun-to-prom to punish her for going with another guy instead of him. the point of his character is that this boy wanted to possess gwen so badly that he decided to eat her and everyone she cares about alive when he couldn't have her. it's that in order for spider-gwen to be her own hero, she had to claw peter and the expectations of a relationship with him off of her and beat them to death first. making them a couple fucks up those themes. the only reason it's top of the list is that if gwen had a crush on/relationship with him and moved on, it still works, because he still wouldn't let her go.

shouldn't happen, fun to shoot the shit about: terrible in canon, fun in fanon.

kosei (earth-616): fun chemistry with gwen but forgettable personality, in this tier and not the one above because he was originally going to be working with jackal to hand gwen to him. could've been neat if they ended up dating and we got a betrayal arc.

benji jones (earth-616): sassy aussie classmate-turned-friend who's secretly a rat monster planning to lure gwen to jackal? dope. they didn't need to also be girlfriends, but hey, it could've been fun.

cindy moon / superior silk (earth-65): i simply think that cindy's hateful obsession over the teenage girl she used as a lab rat and thinks stole her destiny is intriguing and a dash of murderdock-style psychosexual obsession would make it spicier.

jesse drew / agent 77 (earth-65): if jesse weren't a family man i'd kill for him and gwen to team up to take cindy moon out. they'd have a gwen-kaine vibe minus the you're-wearing-the-face-of-my-dead-best-friend baggage. hot! oh well!

sue storm / invisible woman (earth-65): no chemistry here whatsoever but the concept of gwen getting a hot power-hungry female villain to make out with is strong.

matt murdock / kingpin (earth-65): top of the list because it's canon that he's attracted to her and the implications are horrifying and fascinating. gwen should never reciprocate in canon, but MAN his psychosexual love-hate fascination with gwen is a treat. gwendock is what migwen shippers think they're doing.

harmless but pointless: if you do it, it's fine, if you don't we won't miss it

mateo (earth-65): the guy with the cardboard personality gwen went out with in shadow clones. far as i'm concerned, she hit it and quit it. good for her. i hope he never returns.

ami han / white fox (earth 616): well. they had chemistry in that one-off. but we don't really need it. and she's from 616, automatic disqualifier.

betty brant (earth-65): they just do not give me any romantic vibe whatsoever and their friendship is fantastic. we simply don't need it. but if it happened it wouldn't, like, wreck anything. sure. okay. next.

horny disaster. please do it: they'd be a terrible couple, but a hot situationship with interesting story potential.

kitty pryde / shadowcat (earth-65): unstable older girl with rage issues who's homicidally protective of her father figure and constantly being forced into shitty situations by powerful men? would gwen fix her. would kitty make her worse. they have nothing in common except similar trauma which will be bad for them but great for the drama. give us a dash of that ultimate spider-man/kitty pryde romance with a toxic queer twist.

kaine / scarlet spider (earth-616): you can't convince me they didn't fuck in that car during clone conspiracy and decided not to tell peter about it. a secret fling with a gruff moody older man who has the face of the incel best friend you killed in self defense, a chip on his shoulder related to being constantly in the shadow of a 616 character you share a face with and a shitload of baggage with your common nemesis, the jackal? sounds like a mess! good for her!

has potential, needs more data: could either move up or down a tier but we need more material before i can pass judgment OR good! but mid!

anya corazon / arana (earth-616): another obviously-queer-but-the-writers-wont-let-us-say-it dimension-hopping female spider-hero who gwen has good camaraderie with. it could be nothing. it could be fun. let's find out! (but not for good! still on 616!)

glory grant (earth 65): a civilian girlfriend could be an interesting change, and glory's got a personality that can bring gwen back to earth. the best possible resolution of the glory/em jay/gwen love triangle is if they dump em jay for each other. and adaptation-wise, she's maybe the most viable. glory's got dark horse potential.

cindy moon / silk (earth 616): both of them have spider-bride trauma and chemistry with other women. could be interesting to see them explore that together. gwen's relationship with cindy-65 is probably too big an elephant in the room, as is gwen kinda taking cindy's place as The Default Female Spider Hero, but it could be interesting to unpack that. ... but at the end of the day, she's on 616.

felicia hardy / chat noir (earth-65): another vengeful girl who hates murdock, loves music, has belligerent sexual tension with em jay and daddy issues? gwen could fix her or felicia could make her worse, either way sapphic spidercat is long overdue.

johnny storm / human torch (earth-65): sure he commits arson and burned his mom alive but the bitch had it coming and he's clearly not as into the villain thing as sue. gwen's weak to his fire powers and he's pulling away from his evil sister for her. let's give the spider-man/human torch friendship a twist by giving gwen a fire himbo to redeem or have a tumultuous trainwreck romance with.

need to get together, need to break up: their romance does something positive for gwen's character that deserves to be seen but they ultimately shouldn't end up together. let's see them play out the relationship, and give us closure on their tension.

em jay watson / carnage (earth-65): the best friend who was the first to catch on that gwen's a superhero, writes song after song dedicated to her, has chemistry off the charts... we've been waiting for this shit for a decade and we just need to do it already. resolve the sexual tension and let them be together for a while. she's strong enough to protect gwen from gwiles. when the danger's over break them up because at the end of the day, em 1) isn't comfortable with gwen's superhero antics, which she can never give up, 2) has a toxic controlling streak that gwen Does Not Need, 3) is better with glory. 4) is unadaptable.

harry osborn / green goblin (earth-65): they don't have much spice but it's more than made up for by the sweet connection, the angsty history and the fantastic buildup. the friends to almost-couple to enemies to almost-lovers trajectory is insane. there's literally nothing left for them to do but get together. he could be the supportive sidekick boyfriend who follows gwen on her adventures. he's technically the father of her symbiote. he's the troubled rich boy she fixes with her love. but. gwen shouldn't end up with a straight boy. and because he's harry osborn, some external writerly reason will always pull them apart. we just need closure on this couple, either in a one-off issue that lets us see them decide to stay friends, or a longlasting arc that ends in a breakup.

holy grail: too good to be canonized

gwen's symbiote (earth-65): her soulmate if we're honest. this blob of alien spider goop, radioactivity, lizard scales, and gwen and harry's dna saved gwen from her nemesis, found harmony with her and is the source of her power. sure they had some growing pains learning to live together, but they make a great team. earth-617 had it right: happily single gwen living with her symbiote is a great outcome for her.

hobie brown / spider-punk (earth-138): spider-gwen should be able to fall in love with spider-man without it ending in tragedy or her loss of autonomy, and he's the only one it'll work with. and they even have an insane metaconnection where they nearly escape their narratives with each other's help, and the potential has never been fulfilled. out-of-universe, editorial will never break her down to build him up because she's a bigger character than him, and in-universe, it'd be too ooc for him to ever want that. beyond that, they already have great chemistry, they're a wonderful team, they're both counterculture musicians with creative friend groups who they're obviously queer with but editorial won't admit it, he turns into a big soft goofball around her and they have fascinating narrative parallels. he's the one but it'll never be canon.

[anagrammaddict]

jackdaw, wheeling in the sunset

In the mountain, there is a jackdaw with feathers whetted into spines and blackened with poison, with eyes that chase the sun as it wheels across the sky, before dipping behind the snow-scabbed slopes.

-

Everyone who lives in the mountain is nameless, and so is the jackdaw. The jackdaw is known as Hanya Si, which is not a name, but an assignment.

-

The jackdaw scavenges for young orphans on the streets, those who are also nameless and fateless, to be consumed by Wufeng, the mountain. These foundlings will die anyway, snagged by their own downy wings among the thicket of knives that is the jianghu. The jackdaw sends them to the killing pools in the depths of the mountain, and teaches them to turn against others, and most importantly, teaches them to claw and slither and writhe and live by any means possible.

-

Too much yin in your body, a swindler of a physician tells him, grabbing his wrist on the street and trying to sell him a pill the size of an oriole egg.

The physician is dead by nightfall.

That is what happens when you look into the eye of Wufeng and feel the stab of its pulse and tap into the snakes' nest of its meridians.

-

Yun Weishan and Yun Que are not the real names of the pair of wishbone sisters that the jackdaw comes to care for.

All his other nestlings are dead. Some of them have been killed by the jackdaw himself, either by swift merciful strikes in the dark, or gentle poisonings that make them drowse off into dream and never wake up. Those are the weak ones, doomed to fail if Wufeng sent them out on its missions. Better for them to die painlessly by his hands, than be caught alive by Wufeng's enemies, and have their bodies and minds stripped away, sliver by sliver, down to bone and keening ghost.

The Yun sisters are not blood sisters; they meet for the first time, among a crowd of other Wufeng novices, calf-deep in the icy mire of the mountain's killing pool.

The moment of first eye contact between them is a lightning strike of a pact. Together, they slaughter everyone else in the pool.

They become attached to each other, sharing everything from food to bedding to half-remembered poems, to the dangerous wishes that they shouldn't make. They don't laugh openly, and they are careful with their talk as they move around the mountain, but Hanya Si knows that they dream, fiercely: in each other's arms, in resolute whispers, in torn lips where wounds translate to promises, in the back-and-forth transactions of jolting awake to nightmares and forlornly consoling the other.

The fused pair of them are a puzzling strut of iron-cold hope and despair that sits in Hanya Si's chest, clamping his heart, and he loves them both, unwittingly.

-

Ah, the sun! That distant three-legged crow that Hanya Si has always dreamed of catching. The blinding mass of it, racing away, always away, from the corpse of this earth.

-

Yun Que is a sparrow of a girl, the smaller and the stronger of the sisters: unassuming and pleasant, perfect for infiltration missions.

But if a bird mother can have favourites in its brood, then it is Yun Weishan that Hanya Si secretly favours.

He found her as a tiny child, wandering alone among the streets in the town of Lixi. Later, he learnt that her mother had been a despised concubine in the Yun household, who had hanged herself from the rafters of the family's ancestral hall, and after that, no one spared another glance at the leftover child.

Yun Weishan will be a different weapon: a bride. Wufeng will choose her groom, and she will go to him in a glittering sea of dowry, red as hawthorn and gold as the sun-touched clouds.

Hanya Si trains the Yun sisters ruthlessly. He cuts them down. He drags them through cycles of poisons and antidotes. Too often, his hands have crushed their windpipes to an inch of their last breath.

Wufeng will never be done with them, he tells them. Wufeng will take their bones when they die.

He teaches them the ways of the jianghu and its array of mannerisms and social codes. He teaches them to sketch maps in their eyelids, carry poisons in their sleeves, lower their lashes and offer only veiled eye contact with their potential targets. To fit themselves into stolen names. To scheme from the peripheries. To usurp positions and infiltrate hierarchies. To spin words into consolation, pry out layers of information. To impersonate sincerity. To kill in many ways and with nothing in hand. To die in many ways and still with nothing in hand.

Better to die than be caught alive by Wufeng's enemies.

He also feeds them and treats their wounds and teaches them to identify medicinal herbs and brew antidotes.

Wufeng will never let you go, he tells them over and over.

But he also tells them, if you ever find a way, then go, and never turn around, not even for a last glance. Never look back at the mountain.

This is the only conspiracy that he seeds into their hearts.

He shares bitter wine with the sisters in the evenings, by the light of the dying sky. In the shadows, leaning close toward each other, they look like a grim hook of a bird mother and its two starved fledglings, trapped in a desolate nest.

And every time, the sun leaves them behind on the mountain.

-

Wufeng turns everything into a weapon.

The sisters dream of freedom. That becomes a weapon.

Hanya Si falls in disconsolate love with the sun. The sun becomes a weapon.

Hanya Si stays away from the sun, thinking he will learn to live in its shadow. But that too, is a weapon against him.

-

Yun Que dies first.

Hanya Si buries her himself on a wind-chewed plateau, clawing the scree apart and lowering her into the unwilling earth. Neither she nor the mountain want each other.

Yun Weishan, not trusting the mystery around her sister's death, never truly forgives him.

-

You will never see the peak of the mountain that is Wufeng. You will never see the tip of the knife that is Wufeng.

The peak is hidden in thick cloud, unlit by the sun. You cannot map the land around the mountain, nor can you find your bearings; the mountain will not help you.

As for the knife that is Wufeng, they say it has many points and no point, shrouded in darkness, moving too swiftly for the naked eye to detect. Even when the blade strikes, you will never see its tip, because by then it will be buried deep in your heart, and nothing is more opaque than the human heart.

Or perhaps the truth is that Wufeng is just another broken knife of the jianghu; it doesn't need a single point; every edge cuts just as sharply.

-

He tells Yun Weishan to go. She has passed the test.

But the jackdaw, nameless and fateless, remains where he is, on the carnage-strewn steps where a procession of blood-red brides had passed earlier.

Yun Weishan is a fleeting cloud at the edge of his sight. To look upon her face again would be hope and despair for them both.

But she will not turn around. She will never be a bird, but still he has primed her for flight all her life, and now she has fledged. He too, has passed the test.

Hanya Si kneels on the steps, the shadow of the mountain cold on his shoulders, a broken wishbone in his chest, piercing his heart.

Yun Weishan disappears. But something else takes her place: a warm wind, a cascade of blazing pinions. The sun-crow's belly is low enough to singe his hair. It swoops low and ascends steeply before plummeting again, wheeling around him, turning cloud and roof into silhouette and embroidery and flame. Hanya Si raises his hand, reaching out to a light that is neither sunrise nor sunset, to catch a feather from those fiery wings.

[a-dauntless-daffodil]

On Tae as the unrelenting sun archetype, Tavra as the moon, and Onica as something else rarely ever seen

Tae is a painfully good friend. Her brutal faith in Tavra that almost crushes Tavra with it's weight and heat, her warmth and friendliness, just as fast and ready to kill those who aren't her friends or who hurt them. Ready to put a knife to an innocent throat to do that

red gold hair and wings blue as a cloudless sky, no room for gradients or shades of gray. Tavra is crippled and anguished and of course she should still lead them all, Tae says, of course she should dedicate her second life to that

“protect them” said to the soldier who can't hold a sword on her own anymore. "light the fires" said to the woman who can barely speak above a whisper, who has been casually picked up and stolen or captured several times, who Tae didn't even RECOGNIZE at first- thought she looked like an enemy

but Tae's trust and faith in Tavra burns through all of that like sunshine through thin mist

"I believe in you"

Tavra is the moon- softness that seems cold and thoughtfulness that looks indifferent or proud, grim and dark enough to keep the small specks of far off realistic hope always in sight. she says people WILL die, but maybe someone will live on. she changes herself like the moon as time goes on, waning as she sees others step up and leaning to follow them. Naia goes from a foolish girl in her eyes to a wise and brave young woman worth listening too.

she acts in reaction to the people around her- and most dramatically to what Tae does- saving two people from a storm that Tae ignored all warnings and sailed into. Saving people again with Tae's body when Tae is knocked senseless after cutting off the hand of their giant enraged enemy- she, Tavra, disarms them in a less literal way instead, using a blade fully as herself for the first time since her 'death'. Tavra, in Tae's body, flying again when she thought she never would- living up to Tae's faith. those heartbreaking words between her and Amri as she guides her young friends in their escape, her grim eyes looking out though Tae's face

"You saved us" - "I'm trying"

when there is so much hope and faith given to a person and they know they might not be able to live up to it, but it also isn't WRONG, and she always will try

Tae never understands why Tavra would hesitate to claim the throne- doesn't understand when her friend- Tavra's lover- says

“we cannot help them if we do not help ourselves”

after Tavra crawls away from Tae's inspiring words, begging to be forgotten, asking to please not be looked to as the hero this time... her old body rotting somewhere in a far off wood as they all speak... she fought and died once already, but all Tae can see is that she's ALIVE

everyone else talks of Tavra being All-Maudra in the wistful, past tense sense, of something that could have and SHOULD have been- but to Tae it's a conviction of here and now, and it scorches Tavra

Tae's faith being something that ISN'T realistic or kind. it's honest and true- just Tavra's nameless voice in the dark is enough to spark her entire clan into open rebellion even with no one at all left to lead them, even with their powerful overlords hanging over them like a sword- already rumored to having killed Tavra's mother the old All-Maudra, ruthless, dangerous, ancient and cunning-

and Tavra can cut through it all with a few simple words

but Tae's truth and dream is something Tavra can't and shouldn't have to bear this time. She doesn't become all-maudra. she doesn't lead anyone openly. the burning sun has to be hidden from- Tavra stays in hiding in her new life and slips quietly away with the lover she's spent more time away from than with and the orphaned young man they are looking after like a son

the moon shines brightly for a few short moments, reflecting the sun's light before clouds come and tuck her safely away again

and then there's Onica

friend of Tae, the woman who loves and is loved by Tavra. she's the idea that the moon might need the sun but can't be held by that heat without being burnt, can survive being held TO that brutal standard of becoming EVERYTHING it could possibly be

Onica is the sea, deep and playful and dangerous, unsettling with her smiles and quick to turn the tides. loving the moon from a distance, connected even when the moon doesn't shine and no one else can see her

she knows Tavra through every change- reaches out to hold her- has her own faith in her but sees also that she is hurt, sees her alive and tries to help with the wounds she's been left to live with. Tae knows Tavra could be All-maudra like her mother, and be a better one- Onica loves how different from her mother Tavra is. She doesn't need or ask Tavra to be anything else- even as she slips off to sulk- except maybe a little more aware of the budding teen romances and insecurities around them, pointed out to Tavra with a soft touch and whisper in her ear, things Tavra listens to and trusts fully in

but Onica and Tavra would have never met if Tae hadn't insisted in sailing into that storm, following Onica's dream in spite of Onica's warnings

(and Onica shielded Tae and lost her wings before Tavra found them- she doesn't regret it, losing her wings to have found Tavra)

I love that idea. sun and moon and sea. the difference between what we need or could be, and what we want and can actually survive being part of. a balance of three

are they even gonna get their own comic showing how that all started orrrrr

[amalgamgooze]

resonating somehow on a deeper level with a dead mall

Watching malls near and dear to my heart slowly atrophy and deteriorate is depressing.

These are the malls that I grew up at, the malls I'd go to with my cousins (under the supervision of our parents, of course) and play mini golf and such.

Malls that were once bustling with activity, life, and prosperity.

And now they're just empty-ish. Or totally destroyed.

...

I had the privilege of visiting one of my favorite dying malls earlier today.

This is a mall that my mother would tell me stories of having pushed me around in a stroller as a child,

a mall where a younger me and my cousins challenged each other in the glow-in-the-dark mini golf,

a mall that was once filled with bookstores and pretzel stands.

...

And now all of that life is gone.

Over the past twelve-ish years that I've been conscious enough to remember experiences, I've witnessed this mall decay all the way from what it once was.

When I'd broken my wrist about seven years ago now, we'd visited this mall at one of the last times I'd consider it to still have some life. Played the mini golf awkwardly then against my family with a encasted hand. (If I remember correctly, I won?)

I'd then visited it again the fall before the pandemic to see it'd become more empty. Played the mini golf again against my brother. (I probably won here too)

At some point during the pandemic, we'd visited the mall yet again and I'd played the mini golf once more, this time all by myself. I can't really say I won or lost then. It was sort of a knowing farewell, that this'd probably be the last time I'd ever get to play this course with all its cool doodle-like aesthetics.

Of course, the next time I'd visited the mall later in the pandemic, the mini golf place had finally closed. It was kind of crushing, but it was obvious it was coming. All I'd really done was sit at the bedside of this dying establishment, knowing it'd die, but holding some sort of strange hope that maybe it'd live and we'd look back on this decay as nothing more than a bad dream.

Now, the mall's bookstore was still open then. It was kind of something I was looking forward to seeing when I'd visited it again today.

Of course, the bookstore had closed since then too.

But the mall still lived--despite the fact it was practically rotting from the inside-out.

It's insane to think how much can change in eighteen short years.

Once-glamorous storefronts now covered by drapes, printed with inspirational quotes from important people, I guess.

"Dreams of things that never were", attributed to Robert Kennedy.

And it's become the embodiment of those liminal-space pictures--there's so much just barely missing that makes it all feel a little off.

But the mall still lives. As do I.

This mall keeps pushing onward in hopes of a better tomorrow. Who's to say I shouldn't do the same, even if it feels like I'm getting worse by the day? If the world's getting worse by the day?

I don't care if the mall was a product of capitalism. It seems to me that it is now a victim of what created it. We fight some greater evil, some greater greed, together.

Anything to avenge "Shot in the Dark", a gone-but-not-forgotten glow-in-the-dark mini golf legend.

[dream-meister-translations]

100 SLEEPING PRINCES & THE KINGDOM OF DREAMS

HERCULES | MOON PATH #4

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I took a step into the abandoned house with immense trepidation. Looking around for any sign of Hercules. EMMA : Hercules? HERCULES : WAAAAAAAHH!!! EMMA : !!! The loud roar echoed off the walls and sent shivers shooting down my spine. EMMA : Hercules….

I cautiously took a few in the direction of the roar. As I approached him, his head snapped up and those sharp golden eyes landed on me. His body was shaking as he clung to one of the rundown countertops. HERCULES : What the hell are you doing here? Knowing he didn't want me here, made me feel discouraged. HERCULES : It's better if you stay away from me. The way I am right now…I might…Kill you… As long as I'm not with you, you should be safe to walk away. No monsters will come after you. Please leave. Releasing his grip on the countertop, he took a step away from me. EMMA : I want you to come with me… HERCULES : No. I'm staying here. EMMA : Eh…!? HERCULES : My plan was always to come here. This is where my mother used to live…When I was born, my mother was driven out of Olympus…It's all her fault, that wretched woman!! As he spilled his heart out, his voice cracked and he covered his face with his hands. His entire body shaking and tears welling in his eyes. (Is he talking about Her Highness Hera…?) -FLASHBACK- MAN : You are correct. It was given to me by Her Highness Hera as a gift, when she ordered me to kill you. EMMA : Your mother wants to kill you…? HERCULES : She's not my mother. She's my father's new concubine. So, should I assume that all of the monsters have been sent by you? -END FLASHBACK- (Her existence has hurt Hercules so much…) HERCULES : An abandoned house like this is a good place for someone like me, isn't it? I'm nothing more than a thorn in the side of this country… EMMA : You shouldn't say that… (How sad it must be to think of yourself that way…) Without thinking through the consequences of my actions, I approached Hercules and wrapped my arms around his body from behind. Squeezing him tightly and burying my face in his back. EMMA : If you're staying here, then I'm staying with you. I felt his muscles tense beneath my touch. HERCULES : ….Are you a fool? His voice danced with disbelief and laughter. HERCULES : You saw what I just did to that man, didn't you? I can't control my emotions and sometimes…I hurt people… I could hurt you too, Little Emma. EMMA : I'm not scared of you, Hercules. I know you are a kind and gentle man. I've seen it. I care about you and I refuse to leave you here alone. HERCULES : Little Emma….

EMMA : I don't want to leave you… Then, without warning, Hercules twisted around in my arms, grabbing at my face and lifting my chin before planting a heated kiss directly on my lips. EMMA : Mmn…. His lips were bruising against mine. Because of how those strong hands were holding me in place, I could do little but clutch at his shirt and kiss back. Eventually, needing oxygen, he broke the kiss and stared directly into my eyes… HERCULES : I can't believe you care so much about me… His face was filled with distress suddenly. HERCULES : Even kissing you like this…I might actually crush you, you know? I can't control my strength… He was holding on so tightly I could feel pain shooting through my skin. HERCULES : You've become so important to me… (He sounds so sad…) EMMA : Hercules… Dropping my hands from his shirt, I circled my arms around his back so that I could gently stroke his spine. He was trembling. I wanted to help in any way I could. EMMA : It's my choice. I want to be by your side and I trust you not to hurt me… Just breathe, it's going to be okay. HERCULES : Then I will love you with everything I have and I promise to never hurt you! I gasped as he flipped our bodies around and pinned me against the wall. His body pressed right up against mine. HERCULES : I'll never let you go…Ever… Since meeting him, this was the brightest those golden eyes had ever shone. (Hercules…) Before I could respond he leant down and crashed our lips together again. It was so hot it felt like the sun was washing over my body.

[essentiamortis]

@offwithhishat sent a raven : " ship bias. "

throwing myself to the wolves here but i've been thinking a lot about the dynamic / relationship that would happen between elizabeth and luke caste.llan. | under cut for length.

let me start by saying that their relationship would be unhealthy and at worse, toxic. they are in the middle of a war against the gods. he is the main demigod behind said war and she is sent by her father to act as a spy. they both use each other in their own ways and neither of them are mentally stable enough for a healthy relationship. she gains luke's trust as a soldier then a confidante due to their close age proximity. eventually they both start to lean on the other. she'd hold him whenever kronos sent him horrid nightmares, he'd train the younger demigods while she taught them about the immortals' histories and wards of protection. all he seemed to desire is the longing to be wanted, loved and to feel safe and she gives him that comfort in whatever form he needs.

for lizzie; she never expected to find herself caring about the son of hermes, much less love him. she'd never experienced a crush or anything a normal mortal teenage girl would experience since she was raised among the dead - literally. she's sheltered just as much as he is in terms of relationship and feelings of romantic love and physical attraction. she's read about it, seen the love bloom between her parents every six months when persephone would return home. with her being raised in the house of hades; she has no real idea of how difficult and different the lives of demigod children were. it's luke that opens her eyes to the fully extent of the abuse and neglect. the olympians forgetting that their children are more than just pawns. yes, she understands - to an extent - that they wish to shield themselves the pain of losing their mortal children so often, but those self-preserving decisions have consequences. she realizes how incredibly blessed she is to have hades as her godly father. he saved her from the fire that her mortal mother had started, raised her in his domain, defying laws in order to do so, had her trained and taught academics and witchcraft. between him and persephone; she'd bloomed in the underworld, followed their guidance along with the other deities. she knew second-hand the extent of kronos' cruel nature alone from her father telling her of his own experience.

elizabeth knows kronos never meant a single word that he told luke. manipulation is his game. he easily twists luke's anger, resentments, loneliness, longing for attention and love and he'd been doing it since luke was seventeen. a demigod who ran away from home at age nine, spent five years on his own before meeting thalia, two more years go by before they met annabeth. he'd carried annabeth into the safety of the camp while thalia sacrificed her life only to be turned into a pine tree. the pine tree did confuse elizabeth quite a bit since the pine is poseidon's sacred tree whereas the oak tree is zeus' sacred tree. she felt his anger when they talked, the heartbreak in his voice. he'd been through so much already by the time he'd reached fourteen whereas she grew up in the safety of hades' palace. she didn't have to worry about where she'd find her next meal, a safe place to hide from monsters and the natural elements of the surface nor did she need to defend herself against wild monsters. the only monsters she fought against where the ones summoned by alecto for training purposes.

while she's unsure of what is taught at camp half-blood in regards of the ancient greek omens and legends ( or mythologies for mortals. ) ; she did know that kronos shouldn't rise to power again and the demigods deserve better. they deserve to grow up, reach adulthood to turn their ambitious dreams and hopes into reality, to create a better world for the next generation. in order to do so; elizabeth saw no other option but to start scheming for her own parents to become the new king and queen of the gods, the new rulers of the cosmos. this further drives her own cause; to get closer to luke, look into his dreams and begin placing the seeds of doubts in his mind regarding kronos. she furthers this in the waking world as well, cleverly disguising research into the titanomachy and ancient texts to understand the gods' battle strategies.

elizabeth is the one that takes care of him during his recovery from his fall of mount tam, to support him during his anguish over thalia not joining him. he'd acknowledged the bitter fact that elizabeth had tried to warn him. children of zeus are loyal to him - immortal or not - turning those loyalties against the king of the gods is unheard of. she once mused about that loyalty being infused into his godly essence, passing along to those children. regardless of their feelings towards him, they wouldn't sway.

she'd grow closer to him, desperately wanting to tell him about her true parentage but that would compromise her own schemes, and she knew he'd react horribly to the revelation that she'd been not only was she a spy but that she'd betrayed his trust on another level. he'd never trust her again, never want to see or speak to her again. on top of that - hades would be disappointed in her. those two thoughts alone kept her lips sealed.

when luke said the word ; she'd throw down her sword to run away with him, desperate to both be off that ship and to be away from kronos' casket. she'd been there during his visit to his mother, lurking around the bend when he visited annabeth, to his swim in the river styx. how much her heart ached to just grab his hand and run towards her father's palace to protect him. she stops when she thinks of the other younger demigods aboard that ship. if they stayed away; who would protect them?

she'd been on her knees, tears streaming down her face while she begged and pleaded with him to not get into that casket. he kept the threat from kronos secret from her. she could see and feel the aura of death surrounding him - growing stronger. she knew his death was coming but she still hadn't been prepared for it. hades having to physically restrain her from throwing herself on his deceased and badly burnt body. she couldn't even bare to be on olympus, his blood strained the marble flooring. how quickly she retreated back to the comforts of the underworld. she'd change her mind time and time again, screaming at the fates to change their prophecy, for him to just be alive and okay. she'd take him hating her for her betrayal and secrets if he just got to live, a chance to heal and mend his wrongdoings. she'd take an eternity of loneliness just for him to get a chance at redemption.

MEME: send "ship bias?" for me to tell you about a ship i'd love to play with my muse, or "trope bias?" for a shipping trope i'd wanna write

[victorie552onepiecespeedrun]

Reading One Piece pt 158: “Mom?”

Chapter 395

Thoughts:

- Fpos/cs: Three BW stole marine ship and are running away! You go, BW, you’re safe now! What about Mr.2

- Villagers are running for their lives and can you blame them

- Cp9 people found Poneglyph in the basement and are pretty creeped out. How did archeologists get that stone here. I will have to learn how to spell Poneglyph for good, won’t I

- Aww, Saul came into town to get Robin! I think it will be counterproductive but it’s still awesome and touching, ok

- Huh, Spandyne DID contact “Gorousei”! (different scans again but it obviously means the government top dogs so I don’t care) But it won’t help doctor Clover, he’s not so eloquent as Tom The Shipwright. Sorry man, government has you as “dead” in their books already and they don’t want to make any corrections to change that. Imagine the paperwork, doctor Clover, the paperwork

- Yep

- Ok, doctor Clover has things to say, time to sit and listen

- “No matter what lies in the past, humans create history, and thus they must accept everything. If we come to know things without feeling fear, we may be able to create some form of countermeasure!”

“That’s mere idealism”

“Is that so? I think you’re saying you can’t because it’s not convenient for you to accept this!”

“…”

Haha, government just got served, I love that song

- Nowadays, the truth we wish to know most is more the Poneglyphs reason for existence as opposed to their contents.” You know what, that is a good question.  How and why are they everywhere?

- Apparently the message people in the past wanted to sent future generation was too important to put to destroyable paper. I dig that

- Ohohohoho!

- “People that left behind the stones had an enemy” ok “Their enemy would continue to live on in the history” eh. But they WERE destroyed so sure, why not “Right after 100 Years of Blank Pages… The World Government was born” I see what you’re doing here. And wow, 800 years, was there any empire that actually lasted that long

- “The 100 Blank Pages were erased by the World Government’s hands as inconvenient history!!!” HA, tell them doctor

- Single country with a great civilization has been erased from existence long, long ago. I don’t see why anyone would cover destroying the single country for 800 years. After some time people just stop caring, you know? They could stop hiding the fact after, like,  300 years, I think. History becomes history for a reason

- Yeah, I don’t think Spandyne and Gorousei care about that impromptu history lesson. What did they expect, they let a scholar start talking. Of course he started a lecture

- At least they call that a hypothesis. Sure, it could hold in court but they don’t exactly have a proof. Unless you count being evaporated by government for looking for proof a proof (I am)

- What’s so cool about that mysterious country that revealing it’s existence to the world would change everything?

- “The name of the country was…” ?

- OH FUCK

- THEY SHOT HIM!!!

- “Ohara knows too much!!” And will know even more, you bastards!!!!!

- Oh poor Robin

- CHAOS HAS STARTED

- Spandyne looks for golden den den mushi!!! GET THE FUCK AWAY ROBIN PLEASE

- “It’s Buster Call time!” don’t steal my lines, Spandyne

- AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

- THE LIBRARY IS ON FIRE

- “Shouldn’t it be okay if it’s just our heads that roll!?” …metal

- They’re taking Olvia away, they want her alive

- …shit… Robin and Olvia… shit…

- Nonononono, don’t give me flashbacks, damn you

- “Are you my mommy!?”

  “no”

- Fuck fuck fuck fuuuuuck

- whyyyyyyy

- everyone is crying and I will too, damn it

- oh god, Robin

- “I’m Robin! Even though I am bigger… You really don’t remember me? I always waited for you to come back! Are you really not my mother? Someday… I’d just like to go for a walk with you, holding your hand!”

- SHIIIIT, she’s telling them she can read Poneglyphs

- “I don’t… want to be alone anymore!!!”

… …. … ….

*sobbing it the distance*    

rOP 157  rOP 159

[the-tiniest-one]

Parenting Rock Lee with Might Guy :)

Note:@xemaliahrssx here ya go! I hope it tastes just like you dreamed it would!

Sitting at the kitchen table, watching Guy and Lee devour the dinner you made, had you feeling nostalgic... You watched with your head rested on your hand. It was the little family moments that you appreciated more than anything else these days. "Yeah! and then I caught him in a cross block!" Lee said, describing their latest mission, his mouth full of food.

"Haha yes yes (y/n) you should have been there, our Rock Lee is becoming a real force to be reckoned with, much like his handsome sensei" Guy said with a wink in your direction.

"Handsome indeed" you said with a grin.

Thinking back to the days when you were a little more of a workaholic made you laugh. If you told your younger-self all those years ago that you would be Konoha's worst helicopter parent in just a few years, you'd have never believed it. Guy was a perfect match for you in that regard. You two were a well oiled machine when it came to parenting.

While Lee could do no wrong in your eyes, Guy was a bit heavy handed in his discipline of Lee's skills as a shinobi. You kissed every bruise and scrape, while Guy was teaching him how to prevent them in the first place.

Rock Lee has had more than his fair share of the short-end-of-the- shit-stick his entire life. BUT One could be forgiven for not recognizing the true level of hardship the boy has overcome in his short tenure as a shinobi. Lee is a true underdog.

Lucky for him, you've always been a bit of a sucker for an underdog.

You thought back to those early days......

Even before Lee evolved to a mini version of your childhood crush, you felt the need to protect him. Watching him fumble and practice jutsu in vain day after day.....early in the morning and into the night. You would watch him from a distance while training your own team. One early morning, you decided to check in on the boy with long black hair. He kicked at a post, counting off as you looked on...10....11.....12.....his kicks were weak even for his young age. As he got closer to 50 he fell back, overwhelmed by the pain of repetitively beating his shins into the wood without chakra to safeguard his bones.

Clearly angry at his situation, the thought occurred to you that maybe he wasn't using chakra because he couldn't....the boy had tears streaming from his eyes. It broke your heart to watch a kid who couldn't be more than 10, cursing his life.

"A kid working that hard shouldn't have to feel that defeated..." you said to yourself.

You felt conflicted. Torn between wanting to step in and takeover his training...but feeling the weight of responsibility that would come with encouraging a child to chase a pipedream that would only lead to disappointment. You knew all too well what happens to weak ninja. The reality was that it would be cruel to encourage the boy to peruse a life as dangerous as that of a shinobi. You were no slouch when it came to taijutsu but ninjas are able to compete with one another because of the advantages that come with developing kakai genki.

Could a boy with no use of chakra stand a chance against the generations of those families of ninja who use fearsome jutsu and tactics like lightning...wind....wood or even hereditary gifts like the dreaded sharingan or byakugen? The real answer was sad and harsh. No. He couldn't.

You wouldn't be so irresponsible as to tell the boy he could be anything but a failure.

If he perused that path, he would die young.

So you stood back, restraining the desire to comfort and nurture the little boy out of what you told yourself was mercy. Day after day, week after week....you watched on....until it became too much. You couldn't sleep anymore, couldn't function on missions the same way. Always thinking back to him still out at those training grounds.....always struggling.

....

One morning it was pouring rain. You called off training that day for your team and headed out to the place you knew he would be. He was there of course. He was doing his best to catch a cold while practicing hand signs to no avail. After watching him for a few minutes you finally asked, "What's your name kid?" speaking loud to project over the rain. Startled he looked up to where you stood, perched on a post a few feat away. "I...Im Rock Lee" he said timidly. You laughed at his shy but sweet face, "Im y/n" you said.

"Your kicks look like they could use some work", holding your palm about chest high, to show him where his blow should be landing. The boy grimaced...clearly angry with his lack of direction in training. You laughed and the both of you worked on his kicks for the duration of the morning.

"I think you'll be a splendid ninja someday" you said as you offered him a bit of lunch you packed. The boy looked up at you with the most heartbreaking fear in his eyes, "I can't use chakra" Lee said barley above a whisper, clearly ashamed to tell you the truth.

You ruffled his hair. "Look kid, life is shitty sometimes. But I can tell you are someone who will never quit. No matter the odds, and that is something worth more than all the talent in the world." He instantly smiled up at you, melting your heart for what would be the first of a million times. Laughing and showing you also first time you saw that shiny smile that you would come to love more that anything on earth.

From then on he was your responsibility. Your chest burned with pride in his concrete determination. Feeling instantly the protective burn and feral instinct to insulate him from anything that would hurt him.

....

It was about a year later when things evolved. You and Lee had become close. He, being an orphan as you found out he was, had taken your invitation to live in your spare bedroom. It wasn't long before you were nagging him to be sure and eat breakfast before class, take baths every night. You were often hearing your mothers voice echo in your own as you guided the child to a structure he lacked.

You even went to his parent meetings at the Academy, much to the surprise of Iruka (because he himself was 2 years older than you and had known you since you were smol) laughed when you asked to see Lee's reports.

----

Then one hot summer day you got the order... your team was dispatched on your first extended mission with your new genin. 3 months on a C rank mission to Suna. Your heart sank as you remembered Lee's graduation exam was in just a few days. Before you left, you kissed his forehead and promised a tearful Lee who had become just as attached as you over the last year, that would bring him back a graduation present.

You just knew he would finally pass.

....

Returning to the village near midnight you couldn't wait to see Lee. After giving report to Lord Third, you quickly made your way home. Quietly cracking the door to his bedroom, you peaked in to see his sweet little face. The snoring boy looked peaceful.

"He cut his hair?" you thought puzzled..."he must have done it himself, it looks a little odd." You laughed at the thought of him using a bowl to cut his hair.

Then your eyes traveled to the headband still around his forehead, "He passed!!!" you quietly celebrated, careful not to wake him up. You placed the promised gift on his dresser, a brand-new set of num-chuks you'd had made in Suna.

The next morning you were up before sunrise making a celebratory breakfast when an extreme round of knocking came from the apartment's front door.

You quickly answered, immediately flustered when on the other side was none other than Might Guy....the same Guy you'd had the hots for over a decade.

"Y/N!, I must have the wrong address! I was looking for one of my students!" Guy said in his familiar boisterous cadence. Laughing nervously you started to respond, when behind you Lee pushed his way through the doorframe. Your eyes widened at the sight.

The haircut made sense now, Lee stood side by side with his sensei. He was wearing Guy's jumpsuit... they could have been father and son.

Looking at the two of them standing side by side in front of you for the first time gave you the most jarring sense of dejavu.

"Guy sensei! Look what Y/N brought me from her most dangerous mission!" Lee brandished the weapon, beaming up at his teacher who laughed and winked in your direction. "Ah, a great choice! Only the most skilled ninja know how to use such a fine weapon! We must enlighten you at once Lee my boy!" With that the handsome jonin and your sweet Rock Lee were off to train.

You had known Guy since he was still struggling to gain entrance to the Academy, you knew that the man who radiated confidence today, only earned that ability through blood, sweat, and tears.

You apprehensively accepted that Might Guy was a good match to be Lee's sensei.

"Be careful!" you called, more than a little apprehensive at the thought of your sweet baby boy training with such an admittedly impulsive man. Feeling a small tug of sadness as you watched the two of them disappear down the street.

"Lee's getting tall..." you though as you closed the door.

....

Over the next few years Lee had grown into a strong young man. You felt such extreme pride in everything he did. Even though you being in your mid-twenties were not nearly old enough to be Lee's mother, he had taken to occasionally calling you mom.

Lee was never embarrassed of you as he grew into a teen like some of the other kids his age. He was always just as willing to give you a hug before a mission as the day you met him.

It would be a lie to say that the relationship you and Guy shared hadn't also matured along the way. Although you weren't Lee's biological parents, anyone would be forgiven for thinking that you were. Everything you had admired about Guy, his hot-bloodedness, his devotion to youthful perseverance, his love of his village had been passed down to your surrogate son.

It was only natural that you and Guy would become a team in raising Rock Lee. Over time after a few years of dinners, training sessions, birthdays, holidays etc...Guy decided to propose to you.

It was a literal dream come true. You couldn't say yes fast enough. But as required when two shinobi become married, when you went to sign the paperwork to make your marriage official, requesting a stamp of approval from Lady Tsunade....she extended to you a folder with a second set of forms.

Guy beamed as you read the contents. Adoption papers with Lee's name printed at the top in bold.

"He will always be our son. Since we are making it official... why not add one more?" Guy said with a laugh. The tears began welling in your eyes. "He's 17" you laughed, "I love you" is all you could think to say in response to the most kind gesture you have ever witnessed.

Guy held his trademark thumbs up high as he replied, "Lee will always need his mom, no matter how big he gets!" His words like music to your heart...

You'd never felt so complete as you walked hand in hand with Guy, on your way home to surprise your sweet son with the news.

Upon telling Lee what the two of you had done, he looked from the papers back to you. Confusion spread across the sweet ravenette's features. "But I do not understand" Lee said with a hand rubbing the back of his neck. "Have you not always been my mom?"

The innocent look in his eye and profound sincerity in his voice made tears well in your eyes for what felt like the tenth time that day. You laughed and swept he and Guy into a hug that didn't last long enough. "What's for dinner?" the two men asked in unison and in that moment you knew you were the luckiest person in the world.

[kylosgenesis]

Teardrops on Fire

Synopsis:

Steve Rogers is the last Alpha of the an almost extinct Lycan pack. With only less than 100 members left. Steve must produce an heir to ensure the species survival and reduce the chance of attacks from others. Omegas are rare, and betas have a hard time producing children. Steves reality is finally setting in as his obligation of producing an heir faces a major set back.

Reader is the last suitable omega to mate with Steve, due to the fear of her daughters fate in the pack, her mother kept her hidden from the pack after her own exile. Only her mother, and Bucky's family know of her existence. Bucky is Steve's right hand man, and the packs best warrior! He and the reader developed a friendship and bond over the years, but age forced them to become distant.

What happens when she presents and her first heat cycle comes? Her body is in excruciating pain and a strong fever quickly overcomes her body. Facing the fear of her daughters possible death, her mom calls on the only person who can save her at this point, Alpha Steve! Bucky and the alphas friendship will be tested. The reader will be faced with her love for Bucky or her duty to the pack.

Warnings: Mentions of death , A/B/O dynamics

Playlist: https://open.spotify.com/user/gennyzoe/playlist/7xFIhRFa8o2Ae4QJpD1Hp9?si=gWsZ__YOQdKCS81X21jZqw

Chapter 4: I found

Hours had gone by! Bucky was caught of guard with the smell of fire. Faint...but distinct enough he knew it wasn’t his imagination. The chilled air dragged a whiff of the combined scents of fog, smoke, and very faintly in the background... HER!

She was close! He could feel it! This wasn’t new territory to him, but he wondered how she’d ended up hours from her home. He followed the wind, blowing ashes by his face. Leaving a trail, that called to him as if nature was guiding him to her. All the odds were against her tonight, but the forest smelled safe! It was like it protect her from the evil of the elements.

After a couple of minutes on the trail, it hit him! The smell blew the air out of his lungs, he approached the small faded fire with caution. Not wanting to scare her off. As he got closer he noticed her small frame. She was attempting to stand up, but doing so knocked her directly into the fading red embers of where a fire used to be.

The world disappeared for him at that moment! It was her! Just him and her!

And she smelled delicious! Everything is his being screaming to make her his in this very spot, and vanish with her. Nobody to find them! As long as she was there, there was nothing he’d want in this life or another! She was the trophy and the torture, that cursed through him. To love, but never poses. How could he even be thinking of love right now? He hadn’t even looked into her eyes yet.

What if she hated him?

What if she didn’t recognize him?

How was he gonna explain what’s going on to her? She has to know what her body wants right now, what it’s craving for her to do! And how much he wishes to not crave her in the same way.

He bolted to her with all his might, and caught her calling frame. As her eyes slowly faded into unconsciousness, peace resonated in her eyes. He’d dreamed of those eyes for years! And as her body went limp on his arms all he could do was hold her close and pray for the strength to keep her alive and safe... from himself!

She opened her eyes as they adjusted to the moonlight above her. Her body was covered in a warm flannel, she didn’t recognize the source of it.She remembered the eyes she saw before losing consciousness.

Had it all been a dream?

She felt like her limbs were on fire! They responded to every bit of stimulation the flannel was rubbing upon her body. She realized it wasn’t the flannel that was causing her body to jolt up at the feeling of touch; It was that it smelled like an alpha. Her body was trying to absorb as much of him as it could! She was unconsciously reacting to him and granting him access to her.

Hearing a branch break from behind the forest bush, she sprung up as quickly as her body allowed her to react and grabbed a beach from her side.

“Who’s there?” She was in full alarm, she also noticed the fire she had started had been reignited, and was fully blazing and strong!

“What do you want from me? And for the love of... “

She noticed that the reason she had the flannel on was for her own modesty, because underneath the flannel she was as naked as she was brought into the world.

“ Why am I naked? ”

Bucky noticed her panic as he approached the camp again. He’d gone out to get some more firewood and clay to dress her wounds. He wasn't expecting for her to be so recovered.

“I’m sorry ... I didn’t mean to startle you! I'm here to help.”

He put his arms up, to show her he wasn’t a threat, dropping the contest of his arms to the ground! “I was just getting us some more fire, and you need something for your wound... it doesn’t look good!” he fixed his hair back with one of his free hands, a nervous habit he had kept since childhood.

She furrowed her brow, and took a swing of the branch startling him and forcing him to step back. ” I bet you would you know what wound need tending to?” She replied with a cocky attitude! She imagined he would’ve had to look at her body while he took her clothes off, but the realization that her body was not in display contrition made her blush for a moment.

Ignoring the heat rising to her cheeks, and the small pit of embarrassment in the pit of her stomach. She put on a brave face! As he got closer her body reacted to his presence.

He was tall! Always had been, but despite the fact she’s grown since he last saw her, he still sported a good foot above her. She lowered her stance and let go of her makeshift weapon.

Taking a step back, she tripped, and stumbled back. Bucky tried catching her, but before he could he lost his own footing and tackled her body to the ground.

There she was!

Looking like a goddess underneath him, in a flannel, with her little confused doe eyes! She didn’t even try to fight him off. They just stared at each other's eyes, for a small eternity that what theirs to have.

They could both see their changing features, the fire’s light shone on Bucky to reveal his dark black hair. There were messy strays surrounding his face, but the rest was neatly tucked behind his ears. Stubble framed his face, and his jaw was the jaw of a man. It was also an awkward time to notice how much muscle he’d gained in the last 10 years. His body was solid on top of her, even through his shirt, his body told his story! He was a man of work! His body was that of a man who did hard labor, a man who was outside for long periods of time. Which was something she could tell as she noticed the tan in his upper neck had begun fading as the weather grew colder.

His muscles responded to her stare in ways she couldn’t pinpoint!

He on the other hand noticed her delicate face, the way she had grown into her childhood innocence and beauty. Her frame was so small and breakable compared to him. He for a moment thought he could easily crush her, and tried to ease his weight to make it lighter on her.

Her hair was gorgeously long! It surrounded her like a halo, fit for her like an angel. And her eyes where large and expressive. He could’ve read those eyes a million ways years ago, but now! He couldn’t help but wonder what they were trying to say.

He couldn’t stop himself as the word slipped from his lips.

“Doll!”

He placed his knee between her legs and pushed on the palm of his hands in an effort to lift his body weight off of her.

“Don’t call me that! Haven’t heard that in a long time”... she wiggled under his body and pushed him off her “ that name used to be special to me”

She tried to stand up, but a dizzy spell forced her to remain seated on the ground. Looking at his hurt expression a few more seconds that she wanted to.

“ I really missed you!” Her eyes filled with tears that threatened to roll down her cheek as she tried to stare forward, but he would still read her pained face. “ When you caught me. I thought I was dying! ..and you weren't real”

“ Im sorry! Im so sorry! I shouldn’t have left you just like that!”

He sat down next to her frame, he noticed how her body was shivering, even close to the fire. Her smell was spiking up. He knew that once morning came he’d have to rush her to Steve as soon as possible! But for now, he just wanted to enjoy her! Just enjoy her own smell one last time.

“I never stopped thinking about you!” He lowered his face to the palms of his hands. It was there when she noticed. One of his hands wasn't quite his. It was a lusterly metal, but it still radiated his energy, and warmth.

“I'm sorry too! I shouldn't have interrupted whatever it is you guys do in the village...” she was guarded! Her body tensed up as she talked, a knife in her words ” a lowlife like me getting lost... that’s what it took for you to care again” the tears began to fall, a combination of her hormones, and now shock!

Her body was changing and she couldn’t do anything about it, and now the ghost of her former best friend was back. She didn’t know how to process. She was stronger than this! Why was her body dissolving her to her nature?

Bucky wanted to embrace her! To say so many things, but nothing felt like enough to him.

“Listen now it’s not the time for... ” as he stood up he heard her let out a pain filled grunt. Her hand reached out to grab his thigh, as she doubled over to the ground in pain.

He quickly reacted to her pain, and kneeled down next to where she now laid doubled over on the cold moist ground.

“No, no ,no , no listen to me doll... you have to pull through!” He positioned his body as comfortably as he could for her “ I can’t help you... I’m not supposed to...”

He’d made a mistake! He’d coated her in his smell from the moment he held her in his arms. Her body was screaming for an alpha and it was only going to get worse till an alpha helps her body respond to it’s needs.

From the little life she had a few minutes ago, this little omega at his feet was shaking, and frail!

“I’m sorry, doll…” he looked around in distress “please just stay with me! We have to make it till morning! Please just look at me...tell me you’re alright! “ he cradled her small body and held her close to him.

As a strong wave of her scent hit his nostrils, and a small seizure overcame her body.

Bucky knew what he had to do!

But he wanted to make sure he had well enough exhausted all of his options. It would be selfish of him not to admit he wanted to help her.

“ Bucky... am I gonna die? ” she looked up at him with pained eyes, she was suffering! He used his shirt to wipe down the trails of blood exiting her nose. He wanted to help her so badly! She was nuzzled up against his body, shivering and looking more lifeless by the moment.

Her body was rejecting her omega change!

Bucky knew the fever wasn’t a good sign! But with the seizures that were now overtaking her body every few minutes, it was confirmed to him that she was moments away from collapsing upon herself. An alpha made an omega stronger! It was in their nature!

She needed an alpha !

As he held her in the heart of the forest, illuminated by the light of the moonlight, he could see the teardrops of red leave her eyes. Tears the color of fire!

And when the moon was above then at its brightest, Bucky looked up at the sky, and then down at her “Im sorry doll! I'm about to let you down one more time... I hope you can forgive me one day” as he exposed her neck to him, her untouched mating gland on full display to him.He carefully extracted his canines, and like a soft kiss, he bit her!

He knew Steve wasn’t going to be happy, and quite frankly he was even more scared of her finding out he’d taken away her choice!

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