#and by that I mean a couple months later I think? idk my memory of that time period is fuzzy

[arolesbianism]

Blue and not fully human gang rise up

[salems-spaghettios]

It will be okay sweetpea pt.2

~Gwendoline Christie x pregnant!daughter!reader

Bold + Italic = flashback/memory

Italic = idk man, i used it for different things

Bold = thought

Warnings: light mention of alcohol, death, blood, miscarriage, somewhat descriptive self-harm, implied eating disorder, childbirth, self-depreciation, mental health, angst? (im probably forgetting something.)

Nine weeks later

Your mother neglected to talk to you about Dr.Vogt’s words, she didn’t want to upset you or spark an argument. It was 12:00 pm, mum was out grocery shopping, and you were home making lunch for your mother and yourself, you hadn’t been eating properly since you were told you miscarried. But you would eat some food when with your mother. You thought about your doctor’s appointment, “..you have miscarried, but–” maybe you should call your doctor, she had made several attempts to call you the past couple of weeks. You hit the red button on your phone’s screen every time. You weren’t in the right head space and were scared what would happen if you did answer it. What did she mean by ‘but’, your thought was disturbed by the smell of your grilled cheese getting close to a burn. You put your grilled cheese on a plate, and started on your mum’s. The front door came open, and you knew it was your mother with the rustling of bags. She entered the kitchen setting the bags down, and gave you a kiss on the forehead. “How are you feeling today sweetpea?” She asks with genuine care, she has always cared for you. You don’t understand why, you weren’t that good of a daughter. But you couldn’t imagine your life without her. You had smiled at her words, still watching her food, you replied honestly, “I feel like shit. I miscarried, yet I’m so fat, I haven’t lost any weight, in fact I’ve gained more. I haven’t gotten my period yet, it’s been like two months now. I’m not complaining but I- I don’t know, never mind.” You were trying to avoid rambling. You finished cooking her grilled cheese and handed it to her on a plate, a frown came onto your mother’s face when she saw your grilled cheese untouched. You took a bite out of your grilled cheese, to hopefully please your mother. It did, because a smile graced her lips. You loved her smile, it made every bad thing disappear for a while. You gave her a hug, wanting some form of affection, which she gladly reciprocated. You ate with your mother, talking about simple things, such as auditioning for a role in an upcoming movie. Then you assisted her with putting away the groceries.

Six hours later

You were wearing a silk robe as you prepared for bed, you had finished dinner and hopped in the shower. You were just out of the shower so you only had your robe on, due to your missing lotion you didn’t get dressed fully. When you went out to the living room looking for your lotion, trying to find out where you misplaced it. Your mother was watching you curiously, when suddenly you felt like a balloon popped inside of you. Water poured out of you with no clothing on under your robe to soak it up, and you didn’t know what to do. Your jaw dropped, you stood still looking down in shock. Your mother got up immediately from where she sat, and instructed you to get a pair of shoes on. You had a little argument about wanting to get a towel and clean up, but you ended up getting your shoes on. Your mother held onto you in case you lost your balance as you walked out to the car and got you to the passenger side of the car. When you stopped. “Mum, I don’t need to go to the hospital. I miscarried. I guess my body is finally aborting it..” Your mother looked at your eyes, your eyes that she loved since the day she gave birth to you. “Honey, I know you’re scared and think we shouldn’t go to the hospital. But will you trust me? Please?” She was right, you were scared, you didn’t know what was going to happen. Then it hit you, it was like a period cramp but worse and you were positive it would hurt more and more over time. Except you weren’t on your period. You winced at the pain, and you got into the car, wanting to stop the pain that would start coming in regular intervals. You put your seat-belt on, and your mother ran over to the drivers side, put her seat-belt on and left for the hospital. She grabbed her phone, and you saw she was calling someone, Dr.Vogt. “Hello Dr.Vogt, y/n’s water has broken.” You heard that familiar voice for the first time in what felt like an eternity “What- She’s only thirty-two weeks pregnant though.” “W- what?” You chimed in, not asking again as another god awful wave of pain hit you, which made you realise it was a contraction. Your mother quickly answered the doctor “Yes I’m aware, we are on our way to the hospital now.” You heard your clinician giving her best of luck as she was off shift. She had been in contact with your mother the entire time and was receiving updates of your pregnancy from her, due to your lack of communication. Wanting to know, finally ready to know what Dr.Vogt was supposed to tell you before you cut her off weeks ago, you spoke” Mother, what— what did she mean “thirty-two weeks pregnant?”” She placed her hand on your leg, looking over at you during the red-light trying to make sure you were okay. “Darling, how far apart are your contractions? Are you breathing right?” You replied “I don’t know, maybe like ten-ish minutes..” you hesitated before speaking again, “I’m ready to know what Dr.Vogt was going to tell me.” You said anxiously hoping it was something good for a change. “You are pregnant with an alive baby, sweetpea.” You wanted to talk more about it, but you had finally reached the hospital, contractions coming sooner and more painful. Your mother got valet parking, and you both rushed into the hospital. Your mother did all the talking as you were trying to focus on your breathing.

You were put in a room immediately, your mother sought out the best care for you. You were awfully sweaty, and were petrified. Your mother was arguing saying she didn’t care if they were on break, she wanted the best staff. Her heart beating out of her chest. She was scared, but not of being a grandmother. She was scared of the baby being hurt, but she couldn’t fathom what she’d do if you were hurt. She remembers when you first said ‘mama’, when you learned to crawl, when you took your first steps, and later on in life when you got your first period and thought you were dying. She loved you so much, her darling girl, you had struggled with mental health before and she always worried you wouldn’t reach out to her for help. She worried one day you’d take your life and it would be all her fault. She hated the thought where you were a burden to take care of, she had loved you unconditionally from the moment she found out she was pregnant.

You were in excruciating pain now, physically and mentally. The midwives urged you to push more but you couldn't. You were too scared. You had cried in agony, you actually tried to get out of the bed more than once. Your eyes screwed shut out of pain, you wanted your mother, but you already bothered her so much. Your mother snapped out of her paranoia of what would happen to you. She climbed into the bed behind you, and pulled you to rest against her. She wiped your hair out of your face, and wiped the sweat off your forehead. “It will be okay sweetpea, you have to push. It hurts, I know. I was here at one point too. Then the gods blessed me with you.” She whispered as she gently kissed at your temple. Her words made you cry more, but now your mother was holding you, you were safe. You held her hand as another contraction came, you tried to listen to the midwives. After a couple more contractions, and you basically choking on your own mucus as you pushed. Your tense body had a wave of relief. Then you heard your mother crying “My baby had- her own baby.” she choked out. You were scared to open your eyes, but then you heard the cries of a newborn filling the room, and you had to take a peek. One of the midwives held your child then said, “Well she was born early, but she seems healthy.” She. You held out your arms, hoping you could hold her for a second before they did tests to make sure she was 100% healthy. Your mother massaged your shoulders whispering sweet praises, and I love yous. The midwife handed you, your daughter. Who was very much alive, and you cried more, but this time it was because you were happy. Your mother watched from over your shoulder, she giggled a little, “She’s so tiny.” she proclaimed. You felt hot with irritation, and you had to ask your mother. “What did Dr.Vogt mean by “miscarried” I just gave birth to a perfectly alive baby!?” Your mother sighed, “Honey, you were going to have twins. You miscarried one, but this little one was fine. She was going to tell you but you didn’t let her finish, remember? I tried to tell you myself but you still didn't listen.” It all made sense finally, that’s why your belly kept growing, that’s why you didn’t get your period. You felt horrible because you hadn’t been taking care of yourself, of your baby. You hadn’t been giving your baby proper nutrition, you almost drank alcohol while still pregnant. The midwife took your baby to ensure the health of her and to give you and your mother room to talk. Now, you and your mother were alone. You laid back farther onto your mother, and she held you. Almost like you were the new child in her life. “I’m— I’m sorry I didn’t listen. I was just.. I was just hopeless. Now, she’s so small and has been brought into the world early, because I wouldn’t eat or do anything for that matter.” The guilt was getting to you now. “You were born premature too, I was so worried you wouldn’t be okay. I’m positive her birth wasn’t your fault.” Your mother’s words reassured you. Your mother didn’t blame you or say anything snarky, she watched over you. Her own baby at once, now all grown up. You were only in a hospital gown since they had you change out of your robe, and your mother saw something that made her heart sink.

[raeygina-george]

Every third remaining ask from the game

ill just answer the whole thing in one. LONG ASS POST GUYS

💖Favourite thing to draw

WAVY HAIR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

💯Favourite piece(s)

you get a sneak peek of the art project im working on yay. the perks of putting up with my bullshit <3

some of these i like more than others but as of rn these are the pieces i show people who haven't seen my art. my makeshift portfolio, i guess

🌈Favourite colour palette(s)

i think this is obvious enough if you look at my previous answer, but pinks, oranges, purples, and blues!

🤴Favourite OC(s) to draw

oooh yikes. to DRAW???? i never draw my ocs... i really like kyrie's design but i've never drawn her outside of that so i feel like she'd be really hard to get right..... idk i mean i guess saturn????????

🎨Favourite artist(s)

i dont have a lot of these, but i like hanacue, aidairo, and milkie2's art styles (these r just what i could think of off the top of my head)

✒Favourite medium 

i like gouache cause im a whore bitch

📏Medium you’d like to work with more

gouache because im not typically a traditional artist and every time i sit down to paint i just end up suffering for like an hour before i finally accept the fact that i cannot save this little kitty from its fate of looking like a vaguely animal-shaped blob. such interactions further repel me from the world of traditional art. im taking a painting class soon though so i'll just get my act together then

💭Go-to subject matter

humans?? usually just like. smiling. not doing anything too interesting

💜Drawing staples

i don't know exactly what this means but if it's an art piece of mine, it's got pink in it

💬What you’d like to draw more of

i'd like to draw more like backgrounds and animals? there's a shit ton of stuff i wanna improve with my humans but idk i've been wanting to branch out a bit more for a while i just haven't had the time or energy to draw more than like 1 of my blorbos a month

😂 Funniest drawing

i play tee k o with my family (you) so i draw stuff for that that's silly. WAIT HANG ON

this isn't my funniest drawing but it's what i have

❓Weirdest drawing/drawing with a weird process

im doing an art telephone w my friends that i might post when we're done? i can't post it now cause that would ruin the fun but yeah

🕑Drawing(s) that took the longest

uhhhh i mean earlier in my drawing journey i took forever to draw and i really hated drawing bc i took a super long time to draw and i didn't like anything i made and no one else liked anything i made so it was just like wow i spent all that time for nothing. still glad i did it though bc that era was still an important step in my art development. anyways as for more recent pieces uhh. my piece for the yorknew auction took a while, mostly because i had 0 time or energy and it was a really involved piece

👑Favourite fictional character(s) to draw

as you will see, i really like drawing lust from fmab

👿Least favourite fictional character(s) to draw

i've found out that unfortunately drawing olivier is not very fun for me. so sad cause i really like her

👔Design process for [x] character 

oh my god guys ask me about my magical girl designs and i will go insane i will type up a whole essay. i'll talk about kyrie cause i like her a lot

here's the design! so she drowned (or rather, was drowned by someone else) at 16 after being stalked for a couple months and eventually kidnapped. not exactly the lightest story, but bc it was so traumatic her brain erased the memories, and she doesn't find out the real cause of death until much later in the story, when kye comes across a guy who lived in kyrie's town and gets the full story.

her outfit is themed after ophelia for. obvious reasons. i looked up paintings/common interpretations of ophelia and found that she was commonly depicted in a white and gold dress with reddish-brown hair half up. oh, and flowers. so i ran with that. the white streaks in her hair were actually not part of the initial plan, but when i was using the bucket tool it left blank streaks and i just thought it looked nice.

for the flowers i chose forget-me-nots because she loses her memory, and then the hands on the skirt represent her fight to stay alive (both while drowning and before) and how she reached out for help in the months leading up to her death but no one answered. she's also, in a way, reaching for her lost memories, who she used to be, etc etc. the blue thingy in the back was initially supposed to be a mermaid tail as like. a single callback to the little mermaid (and the fact that she was a really good swimmer, so it's ironic that she drowned), but i took the mermaid aspect out & added in the two eyes.

the eyes are like. the feeling of being watched. the eye at the front will always look at kyrie no matter what, and the eye in the back will look at anyone else it can find, as if pleading for help. i just noticed the bracelet? not sure why that's there. probably just for fun. anyways the ring with the star on it is from a play called 'the princess who had no name', which is about a princess with amnesia who's trying to find out who she is and where she came from.

and finally, the weapon! it's meant to be a sparkler, like the little fireworks yk? it's a callback to the very first draft of her character from like 2 years ago, back when the kyries shared the name lylie instead & i had written absolutely nothing about her character. but i was reading through the old plot/character info a while ago and i found out she apparently really liked fireworks??? that was like my only piece of info about her. i figured since she'd changed so much it was only fair i put a little something from her roots. but the sparkler can also represent how 'bright' she appears to be; people are drawn towards her, for better or worse.

📆Earliest fandom you did fanart for/first fanart

the first fandom i remember like really being hyperfixated on was.... miraculous ladybug................. BUT i didn't make any fanart for it, so instead you get the very first real piece of art i ever made on my computer :)

shoutout to me for drawing those wings by hand. i didn't know how to use the flip tool so i just spent like 4 hours trying to make them symmetrical. and now i can't even remember how to draw butterfly wings. smh

HOLY SHIT WAIT I JUST REMEMBERED. BACK WHEN YOU FIRST SHOWED ME FAIRY TAIL I DREW HAPPY A COUPLE TIMES. I DONT HAVE ANY PICS BUT THAT'S DEFINITELY EARLIER THAN THIS. oh my god and don't even get me started on my warriors phase. wow i guess i've been making fanart since forever lol

📖Sketches 

this post is already too long. no

📝Process for [x] drawing 

my general art process is idea > rough sketch > real sketch > lineart (if applicable) > coloring > rendering > SHADE THE FUCK OUT OF THAT THING > send it to my friends and say 'anything else i should add 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺' > add a little more shading > done. you can ask me for more detailed instructions, i'd be happy to give a more in-depth tutorial about something specific

✨Inspiration for [x] drawing 

uh idk i do a lot of redraws. lately i've been doing redraws + asking friends for cool poses + looking at stock images for inspiration

💚Things you like about [x] drawing

i'll go with that aubrey piece from one of the earliest questions. i like how the emotions came across in both her expression and the coloring, and how much more fluid the pose is. i think the shading & rendering is neat. overall it's a big improvement from the piece i was redrawing so im really proud of that & it's nice to see how far i've come in a relatively short amount of time

⏳Things you’d do differently with [x] drawing

using the same drawing, uhh... idk there's some stuff with the proportions that like. sometimes looks fine to me and sometimes looks off? i really just eyeball anatomy and stuff so it's not always particularly Good. i like the colors i have here but they're not the colors i was intending to use. i didn't really know how to draw the jacket and everything i did with the top just looked strange so they're not As Detailed or 'good' as they probably could be? there's parts where i got lazy and all that but all in all i really like this drawing and nothing big really jumps out at me, these are all just nitpicks

💌Some favourite feedback on art

hmmmmmmm i really like the few like. paragraph responses i've gotten. i appreciate every single comment i get but like when people rave to you about your art???? that's so nice. i can't really pick out a critique i've heard that super super helped me off of the top of my head, but there's power in knowing what you can do better next time

[jeonqkooks]

Ohh girl yeah I get it, the post vacation depression is a bitch 😞 I'll have 2 weeks off starting next week but idk... I'm just not feeling it. But it's good that you made some good memories while there!!

Have you been watching anything lately? Tomorrow I wanna watch '20th century girl' cause I've heard it's good..

It didn't hit you about the tannies? Lucky you 🥲 it hit me about a 100 times already.. it feels so strange to think that exactly 3 years ago when I discovered them I was so damn happy those first weeks, like over the moon, and now look where we are... I mean, ofc maybe some would call us dramatic or whatever and yeah life does go on... but it's just a little different and it'll take a while to get used to it. In the meantime, I only wish for their wellbeing there. But yeah, when it does hit you you'll find me here if you want someone to scream 'ssibal' with on the top of a mountain 😂😂

*ahem* so you like shot glass of tears huh? 👀👀👀👀👀 told yaa. people should really listen to me more often haha jkjk. All the b-sides are pretty good actually

Take care and don't catch a cold💜 (if everyone puts salt on the wound I gotta do it too 🤦‍♀️)

- 🎃

are you on vacay rn pumpkin? if so, i hope you’re having fun!! you can worry about the post-vacay depresshaun later 😂 enjoy yourself for now boo

i’ve heard good things about 20th century girl too! tho i’ve also heard that it’s sad as hell so i might need to mentally prepare myself before i cry a river watching that lol. i haven’t been watching any of my shows or kdramas in a couple months now bc i’m just so absorbed in the never ending stray kids content 😂

the tannies hmm.. i’m still super bummed out but honestly i think having another hyperfixation just in time has really helped. if i didn’t have stray kids as my new group of comfort people while my og comfort people are away, i think i would be so emo rn lol. it did hit me more than usual the other day tho. i was getting ready for work and i also burst into tears thinking about mimi’s “see you.” 😭😭😭

shot glass of tears 😂 i think it might be favorite off the album actually. the title is still very corny to me but oh well 😂 but yes agreed, i vibe much more with the b-sides!

miss you love you a lot pumpkin 🤍🫶

[heybaetae]

Oh yeah, you're right he did go back the next month! I was thinking about maybe bh trying to push content for the next year and we wouldn't see everything immediately. Like they used to release behind footage half a yearish later than it actually happened, but for solo era they pretty much just dumped everything on us? lmao So I don't know. Maybe we will get it later? There was also a rumour or speculation that all members might have a documentary so maybe they'll put it in that if it's real? Idk but now I'm calmer knowing that I didn't just imagine that we didn't get a behind footage for something!! I mean we never got the proof shooting sketch either and it's been 2 years now so I guess we will never have that lol And I'm really sad we didn't get a memories this year :( Memories is my favorite thing to look forward.. or was.. rip.

listen the lack of Proof shooting sketch haunts me to this day. i am constantly wondering where it is and why they never released it. i was completely confident it’d be on a memories of 2022 (in addition to the full length las vegas concert) but it just…never came. i’m still a bit appalled by that because SO much happened last year, it doesn’t make sense for there not to be one. i’m sure we’ll see it eventually somewhere, but WHEN? AND WHERE?

i haven’t seen anything regarding individual documentaries, just the remaining bts documentary that disney+ is gonna put out, though i have no clue what it’ll entail. i’m curious if it’ll be a semi-visual reiteration of the recent book or if it’ll take a different approach, maybe include a bunch of the 2022 footage they’re obviously withholding for some reason.

i remember when they’d wait even longer to post bangtan bombs too. these days it ranges from a couple weeks to at least three months after an event that something gets posted, from what i’ve noticed. i still think more face stuff could be in their “queue” so to speak who knows. there will DEFINITELYYYY be an episode on the final d-day seoul shows with jk, jimin, and joon. too bad they won’t be able to include hobi and jin tho despite them being backstage and probably around cameras. but that’s still something to look forward to!

[myshyyangel]

Do you still remember me, Diego?

You probably forgot about me, as I did until 2 years ago. I have a horrible memory and for some reason nobody mentioned you again, “why did he leave?” I asked my grandmother. The only thing she could say was “his parents were really strict, that’s all I remember… Oh! and his hair, just like yours so beautiful, and he was so well-mannered, nobody believed he was from the same place as us! I can’t remember more than that…” this is what my grandma said a couple of months ago after I asked about you.

I am surprised she remembers you, my memory started coming back again after she said that; I could only remember your name back then.... you used to play with my hair a lot and I used to play with yours, I hated it. I remember your laugh, it was funny and contagious, apparently people used to say we look alike, and I am sure your parents didn’t like it. I remember how you were at our house from early morning until 11am and then would come back at around 1pm.

I go online trying to find out more about you. Did not find anything, not one single thing. “Diego A…, Diego B…, Diego C…, etc.” no single one of them was you, or maybe it was, and I just couldn’t remember your face 10 or 13 years after I saw you the last time… Now I remember your smile of course, and your big forehead, your laughter after it was mentioned, it started to come back, but not one of those profile pictures looked like you. not a single one.

I asked my other friends, whom I haven’t talked to in years, “you had another friend?”, I deserve it, all those years full of sarcasm, but yes, I did, my family remembers. you went to the same school as me, as my cousins, right? “No, we don’t remember, why are you asking?” Why am I asking. At first, I thought it was because I wanted to debunk the idea that you were an imaginary friend. Then, after I did, I wanted to find out what happened to you, the big question, why? why did you leave? what happened with your parents? are you okay? do you remember me?

Maybe you don’t. and that’s okay. I didn’t either. You wouldn’t believe all of the things that have happened since you left.

Two months later. Today I asked Patricia if she remembers you. She was my best friend in middle school until she left (just like you), the difference is Patricia was still in my life somehow, until high school that is. She had a baby, and I never met them, she went to the USA before I did, and I never saw her again. Then, she added me on social media, and then, she removed me from her list of friends. But I went ahead. “Hey, it’s been a long time, how are you?” no reply.

Two days later. No reply. I texted again. “Hey, I am sorry to bother but, do you remember Diego? I think he used to play with us and your car. You remember that big truck your parents got you, it was pink and blue I think(?). I know we haven’t talked since idk 2013? [smiley emoji face]” Send.

Hours and Hours later. Nothing.

A week later and I saw she left me on read. Maybe you didn’t go to school with us. I went into her friend list, and you are not there. Then maybe, somebody else used to play with us and Patricia's car, maybe, I was not good at making friends so they must have been her friend. I am not worried about them, they are not as important as you.

Three months later. Nothing still. I don’t have any memory back, nothing else comes back.

Two days ago, I decided to start looking again. None of my other friends seem to remember you. And the ones that live closed to us, I do not talk to them after the bullying I suffered in high school from them. I am older, of course I can defend myself, but I don't want to.

I went on Instagram, got a hold on my cousin's account. [typing] "Diego..." 12 different accounts. I clicked on all of them. Even those with a flag that is not ours. Country, I mean. One of them kinda resembles of you. I don't send a friend request. I just stared. Blank. Nothing comes to mind. Do I do this?

Why am I worried about you? Why have I been thinking about you? Why am I struggling to find you?

Maybe it’s because I remember you were my first crush, I realized it the day I remembered playing with your hair. And then I can’t stop thinking about how maybe you left because your parents didn’t like “that”. They didn’t like us; they didn’t like my family? I can tell. Whenever my grandma talks shit about a neighbor is because they were nasty as hell. And that is exactly what she says about your parents, my aunt too says it.

My grandma has changed a lot. After some of us came out to her. Being gay, your parents didn't want you to be that. that’s all it is. but we are in a different society now, we are grown. You are a year older than me. I don’t remember any of your birthdays, I don’t remember you on my birthday, I just remember some of you…

and so, all I want to know is if you are okay, did you get to do whatever you said you wanted to do growing up? did you have a good experience in high school? where did you go? why? do you think of me? do you remember me?

[dreaming-colourful-skies]

Hello again 👋

I am... not sure if a mass exodus to Tumblr is happening? Or if any of my mutuals from years ago are still active? 😅

If anyone cares and/or if I ever, like, relaunch this acct, lil fandom update &... context statement I guess! 

It’s getting long so I’ll hide it behind a “Read More”. But if you’re hemming and hawing over a follow or have a weird “you shipped that??” moment then feel free to take a look!

(And welcome to my page 🎉)

Past: FMA & Brotherhood

I stand by my older writing, at least to the extent you can see your old stuff without cringing too hard ahaha.

That said, I wouldn’t say I currently ship this pairing. Their fanon interpretation is in my memories fondly, especially from certain authors, but I’ll be honest, the ship did not occur to me while I was watching the show itself. I think part of the beauty of fandom is that transformative aspect, and I did appreciate experiencing the anime and manga in a new way through fanfiction.

I never set out to ship somewhat “problematically”, stumbling into it as FMA’s most popular Ao3 ship at the time. For my own writing, I consistently made it clear that Ed was an adult (like, at least 20), maybe Roy younger if an AU, and adjusted things like employment context to minimize power imbalances, because that was important to me.

Can people ship them in different ways, incl. age gap, boss/employee, etc.? Sure! I’m not out here to judge and don’t really want to touch that, tbh. It’s important to me that we can all create fandom in the ways that are meaningful to us, tag, curate our own experiences, and mute or click away as preferred, but I’m also too sensitive to dive properly into Discourse around these things (I mean, I’m out here creating soft bantery fluff hahaha) so that mismatch was a bit of a deterrent. Nuance is difficult online, and often in short supply.

Leaving was a weird combo of fandom getting quieter, inspo leaving me, and I guess life stuff. Tl;dr I’m pretty “ship and let ship” and against harassing any creators, but my own take was gentle and if it makes anyone comfier, I did want to add that context!

Little did I know that I would later stumble into a whole different arena of “don’t call me short, bastard!” exchanges.

Past: Carry On

My time in this fandom was fun! Ngl, there was no issue or major reason for leaving; I simply read the second and third books, once the third was out, and lost inspiration. 😅 What can you do?

CQL/MDZS, HQ

These fandoms are still dear to me, but I didn’t end up creating content for them for a couple of reasons. Perhaps someday if it makes sense!

Bungou Stray Dogs

It’s been... idk, eight months of BSD obsession? Six months writing it on Ao3 (Colourful_skies), in any case! If I do move back to Tumblr, I’m sure you’ll hear more. As of now, I’ve published ~65k in that time, which is... hard to compare, I suppose, but a high rate for me personally! I don’t know if that will continue, but at this point, I hope so. More recently I’ve attempted a bit more engagement w others, which has been fun.

In short, Soukoku and especially Chuuya have my heart, and I also really appreciate Sigma. I tend to write soft skk, fluff, and introspective fics, but mentioning that simply for context; I prefer to follow wherever inspiration leads me. Analysis is also v fun, including drawing connections with BSD authors’ works and making non-BSD poems or songs about skk/Chuuya, but idk if I would post about these topics here.

Moving forward, I hope to continue to work on my craft and brainrot over BSD & fandom with other lovely people, until my inspiration or mental wellness (?) lead me elsewhere.

Thanks for visiting my page! 🌻

[igarbagecannoteven]

megs!! hello!! good evening!! i want literally all of the things from your ask game so just imagine im copypasting all the emojis. tell me all the things!! love you so much missing you lots xoxo give the babygirl a kiss from me since she will never accept one from me anyway

bella!! hiya!! good evening!! (of the next evening but the sentiment still stands lol) love you so so much prilla and i miss you i will give her kisses for you 💙

🤘: so. you get the cursed song since you cannot cut ties from me now that we've signed a year-long lease :)) the song i've been looping all day is BOGOS BINTED by Ida Deerz ft Kaj Strife & 2a03fox which is. well. furry music (with a suicide ment tw for anyone who needs it) and i am not (that) ashamed to say it kinda slaps (you probs won't like it tho sdklfjsdlkjfsd) i mean the chorus is hella catchy! non-cursed song recs are Kid Fears by The Indigo Girls and The Wood Song also by The Indigo Girls (also Galileo which is also by them lol)

👀: okay this is a series of three fics but riverdale belongs to the gays by boos is a *very* good canon divergent (mostly bc it was written during like season 2 or something) exploration of both canon & non-canon events through the lens of the core four all being queer (with ace jughead!!) but if you'd like something (much) shorter there's The Real Suspension of Disbelief by punk_rock_yuppie which is jarchie with ace!jughead :))

🖇️: okay so this idea is actually inspired by a discussion topic from a philosophy class i took so it's a little weird and angsty BUT it's a sci-fi/dystopian au where people use teleportation devices like the ones in star trek and person a, who's used the teleportation device in the past, dies for unrelated reasons (maybe a hovercraft crash or a plague or something idk yet) and their significant other, person b, who's half-mad with grief, breaks into the records of the company who makes the teleportation devices and gets the data for the exact molecular make-up of person a and makes it materialize on one of the transport pads, "bringing them back to life". *however*this is a past version of person a since it's been a minute since they used teleportation (i haven't decided how long yet, at least a few months i think) and so they think they're going to, like, visit their mom or whatever but then they teleport into a scene where their bf's getting dragged away by security and it's x months/years later. cue the realization that a version of themselves actually died, blah blah blah, the question of do they have a soul comes up bc i'm me, etc etc, some other loved ones not accepting them as the "real" person a,,, it wouldn't really be a "they came back wrong" story but there would be elements of that bc regardless of how long it's been btwn the use of the teleportation device and their death, there will be memories that person b has that person a does not, and there's the classic identity crisis aspect and yeah. classic cheerful megs fic sdkljflkdsjklfjsdlkjf

😈: inspired by the job hunting process, my hashtag hot take of the day is that a job where you're handling people's financials and requires you to have a college degree should pay more than a cashier job at a upscale supermarket where a high school degree is preferred but not required 🙃

🧠: okay so uh. major spoilers for dungeons and daddies season 2 below the cut if anyone cares about that lol

so the latest episode of my favorite podcast (also the only one i listen to regularly but that's not relevant) they revealed that my favorite npc (grant wilson, son of a pc in s1 and dad of pc in s2) was transported to the titanic just b4 it hit the iceberg along with his fiance (it was either the night b4 their wedding or the day of) and that's where he found, rescued from death, and then adopted his son (lincoln, one of the player characters) and like. listen. this is The Podcast Of Wild Ass Rides(tm), after all it was only a couple arcs ago that the cast of family guy fought the fbi over who could attack the cast only for a giant flying dog to rescue the cast, brutally murdering family guy and the fbi in the process b4 flying the cast up to heaven's gates (longggg story lol), not to mention all the main characters getting married to survive the vacuum of space, HOWEVER. all of those buckwild things all had mostly reasonable explanations if you've listened to the whole show (the fbi trying to break into hell, goofs realm being a quasi-family guy reality with cursed standup, trying to rescue a half demon from the iss, that sort of thing) and the titanic is the first thing that seems to come completely out of left field. does this mean there's some great significance about the titanic that we just don't know yet??? is it supposed to tip us off to the fact that grant's husband knows more than it's seemed??? was it just to riff on the movie titanic??? who knows!!! anthony (the dm) what are you planning!!!

[theinsanecrayonbox]

For your Arkady joins Weapon X AU, is Victor an omega in this AU also?

Any more head canons you have for this AU?

I really like it 🤭

Also (sorry for all the questions!) But do you think you'd ever do any more fan fiction on your other OmegaTooth AUs or even the new Weapon X one, I just really enjoy your writings too! ☺️

don't apologize for all the questions; i love getting asks about my crazy. it gets me thinking more (for better or worse lol)

For your Arkady joins Weapon X AU, is Victor an omega in this AU also?

meh, 50/50 tossup at that. i sort of have 'canon-ish compliant' and 'yes there be mpreg' versions of most things. (i can tell you this is not an 'Arkady can have babies' au at the least lol) but probably, because that's what i like...even though since this timeline would have Arkady joining up before Vic meets Leni, so there'd be no surprise Graydon, and Arkady would remain intact...and there's not any real reason Mystique woudl want to impersonate Arkady to seduce Victor...hm...

Any more head canons you have for this AU? I really like it 🤭

i'm glad you like it! i really love What Ifs, especially when they spiral out of control lol. any more ideas for it though? i mean, aside from what i babbled about before (like how Arkady might get his cables from Weapon X then, and they might be a suit and not internalized) or right above, not too much...

i mean, you got the Weapon X brainwashing. you know how they muddled Logan and Victor's memories; the confusion over Logan being Vic's son or brother or not related at all, because it muddled/overlaid the memories of Saul. similarly to how they took Logan's memories of Fox and muddled/overlaid them with Zora (or Mystique...is this a verse where she was Weapon X then like in WatX???). well, for this one, since Arkady and Victor kept hooking up post memory wipes even though the handlers tried to keep them separated, they went and muddled/overlaid their memories too to intertwine them: Victor's memories of his first baby daddy in the rail camps getting killed after their baby died, that's now loosing Arkady to Logan's hands in the rail camps; Arkady escaping back to the apartment he and Yuri lived together after his execution and finding him murdered, that's now Victor dead (maybe Logan blamed? maybe another team member, so the handlers could have checks and balances on them). as they said in TAS (paraphrasing) having the traumatic memories to trigger to control them was important to have.

oh! one that isn't just unique to this verse, but can be brought up here is that Weapon X knew about Vic's omega-hood, and the preferred birth control method was a regular hysterectomy; it was a painful few weeks/couple of months to grow the organs back, but it'd then be another month or so before a period, so then just start the cycle again. threw his hormones all out of whack, but mostly added to his aggression coupled with the constant pain. that's also how Weapon X got a whole stockpile of Creed eggs to freeze for later on, leading probably to Romulus' Creed clones, and also thus how the Laura clones were easier to make, and why Belle (and technically Gabby) is a Creed genetically. (that's also why the robots at the start of Weapon X 2017 took Vic's guts, they wanted those parts, and that also helped us get Alexei)

But do you think you'd ever do any more fan fiction on your other OmegaTooth AUs or even the new Weapon X one, I just really enjoy your writings too! ☺️

dawww again, ty, i'm glad my work is enjoyable. and honestly, idk. i like writing, i love story telling, but...the inspiration and drive just doesn't come like it used to. sorta why i just babble a lot these days, throw out plot ideas into the wind. but it's not a no, very far from it

[ebdanon]

something is off with me because im not sure why you were worried about where i was going with the story 🥲 i mean i know its a shitty story but i never expect anything horrible to happen

and yeah there's never been a single reasonable parent between mine and my husband's parents lmao while his dont care about arguing in front of strangers as long as the scene looks like they're the victims, mine have always strived to appear perfect in front of strangers. i met my in laws a couple of months after we started dating, i was invited over for dinner, and my mil had no problem starting a screaming match about some local politician's election promises. on the other hand, i met my best friend over a decade ago, when her family moved to the apartment next door to my family's. the building is structured in a way where we shared a single wall across half of the rooms, e.g. my and her bedrooms were separated by a single wall, and if we felt like hanging out, we'd knock on that wall to let the other one know lol her family never knew about a single raised voice or argument or anything in my family despite those things happening regularly, because all those things happened in the room that was most remote from all other neighbors, so that my parents could continue presenting a pristine image to the rest of the world. now both sets of parents are irritated with us because we never have arguments, since we're able to sort out any misunderstanding calmly and quietly - no malice, vengeance, or ego - because we both understand how bad they are from growing up in a similar way. we both saw one of those "its not you vs me, it's us against the problem" quotes and took it to heart lmaoo

funny story, i feel like fate or the universe was involved in us meeting because it turned out we'd been orbiting each other's lives and friend groups the entire time before we first saw each other, which is kinda weird. like both of us being at the same time and place, but never seeing each other. ive seen pictures of us at the same parties in bars, separated by a table or two. or even just hanging out with friends, my friends had a preferred bench at a local park, turned out so did his, and it was literally the one 30ft away at the same park. we knew each other's friends but never actually saw one another so we could meet until we were in our 20s lmao the universe kept saying "not yet" till we grew up 😂 quite literally, my other best friend knew him personally but i never even saw him until years later lmao

anyway, a day after the whole shitstorm argument, and we have my mil twisting everything to fit her worldview. for example she claims she never called me a piece of shit, she was actually calling my husband that, despite me literally quoting when and how it happened, it's being turned into me "misremembering" despite it happening multiple times, but i only quoted one situation, but its fine because that's what narcissists do lmao

the fact that you WERE surprised i was worried is concerning 😭

also thats very sweet with your husband, the invisible string of it all 🥺 its crazy how you can orbit someone for years and not even realize it. i remember one of my best friends and i discovered we were at the same party one night our sophomore year of college and completely missed each other. i was there with my shitty ex roommates and met some people there who were also not the greatest to me but sometimes i think i needed that to get to where im at now

also my mom does the same thing tbh but idk if shes doing it maliciously or actually has memory issues 😭 girl had insomnia and lack of sleep can fuck your memory. but it drives me NUTS

[blablabrat]

Context

It's been 3 years since my last post, how time fuckin' flies. It's funny that I end up back here when my life turns to shit lol. I've had a pretty good 3 years, it's probably why I was too busy enjoying it to come back here and babble about it. I was busy being happy. Isn't it ironic how we want to remember those moments the most, the happy times, the best times, the good ol' days, but somehow I have only managed to record a few here and the rest is shit. Lol. I guess when I'm happy I don't think about writing it all down because I'm too busy reveling in the moments of my busy schedule and adventures in between. Which is a good thing too. I think when I'm happy, I'm more of a - let's take a picture or video of this moment so I'll remember it - kinda person. And when I'm sad, mad, or drowning in my thoughts, that's when I go crawling to a hole looking for a vortex to bury my thoughts in and keep them there so I don't have to keep them in my head. Maybe that's what this is. Well, I called this blog the Deep End for a reason. Anyway, here's a very short life update for you to get you back on track.

Now, I plan on actually writing more of this down in detail in the future, let's hope I follow through with that plan.

For now, here's the update.

In one month, I've managed to cut off my ex boyfriend, explore online dating, get a new boyfriend, quit my job of 4 years, get a new job opportunity, found out I got a golf sized cyst in my left ovary, travel to Cebu for free, lose all sources of income at the same time, quit my new job (2nd resignation in 1 month), get another job opportunity, be deadass broke, and now waiting to hopefully receive a confirmation that I got the fucking job or else idk how I'm gonna afford food for the next 30 days.

So yeah, that's all for the month of August 2023. Oh, btw I'm 30 now so good fucking bye youth. Nice knowing your dumbass, hope I'm not as dumb for the next decade.

By the looks of it, it's either I am still dumb as fuck, or maybe stepping out of my comfort zone could mean growth. Either way, let's call it character development for now. In a couple of years, I'll read back to this post and I will know the answer. Did I make the right decision? Lol. And the new guy, did it work out? Let's hope he did because if not, IDK why you even bother to open your heart up again. It's so fucked up enough already. I'm either learning from my mistakes and getting smarter or finding quicker ways to fucking fail.

Anyway, there's a lot to say and a lot on my mind which is why I'm writing this ridiculously long post. Maybe I'll spill my thoughts on a new post, but before that I wanted to add some context so I guess this is the context. So when I read back, I hope the above details are enough to jog your goldfish memory and remember what was going on. I'll end this here. More to say later. Bye bitches.

[rainbow-tazer]

Yes it is that time again where it's late, I'm high, and I got particular thought keeping me up, this time it's beef jerky guy. With the recent video floating around of some chick checking to see if her bf actually used soap to wash himself it has made me relive the memories of beef jerky guy.  

Back in my younger days I want to say around 18 to 19 I hung out with a group that made incredibly questionable choices. I would pretty much hang out and party with these guys every single day if I wasn't at college I was hanging out with them and when I got home from college I spent the night's drinking with them. So the main couple of the group had texted me to come hang out one night and I got in the car not really knowing what we were doing just down for anything like always. They started out by warning me "hey we got to go pick up someone and drop them off somewhere, but just so you know they smell really bad"

I was like "what do you mean like how bad??"🤨

Immediately the girlfriend was like "oh my God like actually horrible I'm so sorry you have to be that back there with him like I would kill myself" 😭

at the time all I could think was damn there's no way it could be that bad she has to be exaggerating right? than she added “like its crazy we are about to pimp out this dude, he has a huge cock so girls pay to sleep with him despite his smell” he boyfriend shot her a look like girl we discussed this which she responded “what she's gonna see the girl hand you the money anyways” meanwhile I'm just sitting in the back of the car like .... “WE ABOUT TO DO WHAT?!” 😰. 

The boyfriend then explain to me that the guy is his really close friend and despite his terrible smell women still pay to sleep with him because his Ding-A-Ling is just that grand. So they had worked out a deal where the boyfriend would drive this dude the places he needed to go to have sex with these women, and in exchange the boyfriend would get half whatever he got paid.

 so we go to pick up the guy and the minute this man enters the car I shit you not my eyes started watering, this dude was fucking foul 🤢. the girlfriend was in no way exaggerating the putrid smell that leaked from this man, was only a smell I could describe as beef jerky being left out in the sun for months. Hence the name I coined for him being “beef jerky guy” partly because i could not for the life of me remember this guys name and kept thinking his name was Kyle for some reason 😅. They were nice enough up front to crack the window in the back which i was using as my only source of oxygen for the whole ride, oh believe me i was gasping as i could see the fumes rolling off him towards me. Finally we pulled up to this dark ass park where this lady walked up to the car payed the boyfriend and walked off over into the darkness of the nearest playground with beef jerky guy 💀. This man smelled so bad i genuinely needed answers like his smell haunts me, I don't care how big his dick is idk how anyone fucked that dude without a gas mask let alone would pay for such an experience.

Immediately i was like this man must not have access to a working shower or have crippling depression right? nope as they explained which was later confirmed when i went to his apartments (because he had to get the drug he was making in the oven out before they exploded, you know normal stuff) that he indeed did own a working shower. Also the guy did not have crippling depression as it turned out this dude was just as they had originally described “a hippie mf who didn't wash his ass”. Apparently everyone in his life brings it up, but i suppose when you have a big dick you get the confidence to stop washing your ass😭💀

[gar-trek]

OKAY TO BE REAL THO.... my spirk journy:

When I first started watching star trek, i did not know spirk existed... HONEST!!!! i was like 13 and i wasnt really active in any star trek fanspaces... just existing in pure bliss and enjoying the show for what it was.... den... as i kept existing through life i was peripherally away of spirk but i never even had one thought about it and if i did that thought was probably like "oh thats kinda weird and funny" THEN... a year before i started my tumblr account, i went to an antique store and found a star trek zine. It was not a spirk story, just a little bit gay. this was during my first year of college when i had yet to make any friends. I found that zine and showed it to some aquantences who thought it was pretty funny, and we all spend an afternoon reading it together, laughing, and speculating if it was supposed to be gay (it was not k/s, but it was still a little gay)... one of those people turned out to be my now very close friend austin (HI AUSTIN) and perhaps this moment shared between us helped our beautiful friendship grow. Either way this was one of my best memories from my shortly lived pre-covid college experience... this made me associate good feelings with star trek zines, and when i went on ebay to check out more i was extremly amused to find that a lot of them were kirk and spock... this is what me and my friends had joked about with the first zine... but for realsies this time... SO i went on ebay and bought some authentic K/S zines and this coincided with me making my tumblr blog.... in January of 2021 i began yet another rewatch of tos... and i was enjoying it so much.. but i wanted someone to talk to about it!!! so i joined tumblr,,, ALSO since i was intrested in zines, RIGHT before i started my tumblr account i looked it up and found that people on tumblr were STILL making spirk zines, which i had become obsessed with, SO I SIGNED UP TO CONTRIBUTE MY ART TO A SPIRK ZINE.. which i did and it was physically printed like 6 months later. anyway i made my first post on january 15th... and by januery 18th... i had reblogged my first spirk post.. then that same day i posted this... as i struggled to come to terms with the fact i shipped spirk

then on febuary 7th... i made a spirk post that got 1.5 K notes... my first taste of spirk clout...I would say my main spirk era lasted untill i started watching tng, which i did in may of 2021. In may i also made a post that likened spirkies to johnlockers, and although i did not say anything negative about spirk shippers, but if i was compairing them to johnlockers i must have been growing wearing. i must also note that during this period, i used to get a lot of random anons that were just like "i love your blog! your content is so funny!" or whatever... and this was like kind of a regualr theing. this really did stop when i started posting about tng more and probably started acting a lot more mean and now i just get anons asking me if i have a gas leak in my house.. just saying. I enjoyed a summer of tng content, and slowly started to realize that i could like a trek that wasnt tos... THEN .. by septerber.. i made my first negative spirk post... a disturbing trend that would be repeated

i was very wearing about saying something negative about spirk, as i knew a lot of my followers and friends LOVED spirk.. but it has began to really grate my nerves. then it was all down hill from there!! anyway, i wont lie. i used to get the spirk feels man. i even read a couple fanfics man!! drew some fan art!!!! idk. i moved on to greener pastures. i used to say sappy things about spirk!!! i think that... me ... shipping spirk and liking that a lot is very much tied to online schooling and a time in my life when i was feeling very isolated from genuine friends. I'm not trying to say like spirk was a trauma response or anything, but its just weird how different my life was a year and a half ago, like much more different then it should have been. it was just like me and spirk against the world back then.... actually like right now writing this post im having a revelation that im probably so soured on spirk because it reminds me of a time in my life when i was a lot less happy then i am right now.. ISNT THAT WEIRD!!!!!!!!!!!! the parellels im drawing.. wow i never thought of it like this before.. okay mind blown. good night everyone

[sanzu-sanzu-sanzu]

songs about toxic people 7*

Sanzu Haruchiyo X Reader

Summary: In which you are Bonten’s No. 2 and Sanzu is No. 3. Almost ten years of being stuck working together means you’re both bound to pick up on each other’s idiosyncrasies, yeah?

—

*IMPORTANT NOTE: this is more like an interlude/bonus chapter actually centering more on misc bonten x reader Gen! interactions. it still ties in with the whole story, it’s just there’s less to zero sanzu in this one cus the focus will be more on the other bonten haha, so if you’re here exclusively for sanzu x reader, you may skip this if you like! 😬  

it’s just i got these headcanons that idk what to do with and also they are somewhat short 😭

—

chapter 1 / chapter 2 / chapter 3 / chapter 4 / chapter 5 / chapter 6

chapter 7: We may not be a perfect family but we love each other (until we don’t) - koko

.

.

Koko thinks of cats when he thinks of you; partly from the circumstances of your first meeting, partly ‘cause of the way you sort of simply glide in and out of rooms quietly with the stealth and fluidity of one.

(Although Sanzu had insisted he thought more of ghosts and wraiths, a comment which Koko only made light of even though he wasn’t wrong.)

She even kinda fights like a feline, he’d told Inupi one time all those years ago, as he thought of the way your lithe and minimal movements were always able to take bigger guys down along with the quiet ferocity to match.

Maybe she learns from all the cats back in the shrine, Inupi responded—a joke, essentially, in his own terms. Koko suppressed a smile: cat and dog, you and her, maybe that’s why you two get along so well went his own, sad attempt at humor, because you and your second-in-command were obviously very close and very unlike cats and dogs. The joke, however, sadly did not seem to land, and Inupi’s forehead only creased, his expression dumbfounded.

That’s not how it works.

Koko never forgets the day you were first introduced by Mikey. It’s at the back of Toman’s abandoned shrine, at the edge of the thick forest surrounding the area, that their new leader had said they’ll be meeting Black Dragon’s temporary captain. He never specified what anyone would be doing in the forest at this hour in the afternoon, and neither him nor Inupi had asked, but then there you were: in your bare feet and in your school uniform, attempting to move a big pot of plant from one spot of land to another, your expression almost annoyed. (At the pot, most likely, which did not seem to budge.)

Mikey called your attention still a few meters afar:

“Hey. Whatcha up to—”

in a tone that very clearly did not seem to intend to place whatever you were up to above this particular Toman business at the moment, so really, it would not have made any difference whether you answered or not. Which you didn’t, only glancing at your president once—not with the angry expression, at least—before continuing with your ordeal.

The pot nudged just a tiny bit.

Only when Mikey finally stopped right in front of you and you noticed Koko’s and Inupi’s figures behind him did you finally stand straight, looking at Mikey quizzically. “What’s up?” Quick nods to Inupi and him. “Hello.”

Mikey briefly introduced all of you and proceeded to explain that you were to be formally placed as the Black Dragon’s new captain today, to which your eyes slightly widened.

“Oh, I thought you said tomorrow.”

Mikey hesitated at first but then shrugged. “Hm, they came here already today so I thought might as well. Come on, it’ll be quick.”

You narrowed your eyes at him and then to his two quiet companions but then so agreed anyway, and as Mikey ushered you in front nobody else aside from Koko seemed to notice your lack of shoes. You’d only taken a few steps ahead when you tugged at the sleeve of Mikey’s coat, making him pause.

“I don’t have my Toman jacket,” which was obvious but was not what Koko was expecting for you to say, if he were to be honest.

Mikey looked at you blankly. “Well, where is it?”

“Well, something happened to it,” was your only vague response, but then you turned your head to where you just came from making all three boys follow suit. On a wooden bench slightly obscured by the plants were a family of cats consisting of a mother and her kittens, all sleeping peacefully in a cozy pile on top of your balled up Toman jacket.

“Oh. Okay.” Mikey only nodded like he completely understood. Without thinking about it twice, Sano Manjiro, Tokyo Manji gang’s No. 1—feared around the streets of Tokyo, bowed to no one and stepped over everyone—took off his billowing Toman coat and draped it over your shoulders. “Here, you can borrow mine,” he simply said. “I mean, you gotta look the part.”

Your mouth stretched into a grin.

Beside him, Inupi gave Koko a quick, wordless glance accompanied by that tiny, upward curve on the corner of his mouth that anyone else could’ve missed. Inupi rarely smiled at anything anymore those days—perhaps one of the reasons why this singular, initial meeting had stuck in his mind all these years. It’s one of those memories Koko always thought he could probably live without, occupying a quiet little corner in his mind which, frankly, a much more practical or life-changing memory could have occupied, if it were up to him. But then there you were with your cats and your air of schoolgirl abandon making Inupi smile, an information that he simply didn’t know what to do about.

“Alright, boss. But please, no speeches.”

This made Mikey laugh. “Can’t promise you that, I’m sorry.” It’s only after a few more steps that Mikey did finally notice your bare feet.

“Where the hell are your shoes?”

“Oh, they got wet,” you quietly said. “I was playing with the cats…” and three pairs of eyes stared at you like it wasn’t enough of an answer. “With a hose. Manjiro, I was watering the plants.”

And so you stood atop the shrine steps while addressing the men from Black Dragons, your feet bare and covered in scratches and the Toman president’s much bigger coat over your shoulders. Nobody questioned the absence of shoes—at least not out loud—not with your leader Manjiro right by your side, in his flip flops holding a half-eaten taiyaki in one hand.

The memory comes unannounced in snips and pieces some years later as another Bonten meeting ends. There’s various movements around the table by now, but then Koko catches your undivided staring as you sat across from him, your chin propped up against one hand. He ignores you for a short while as he fixes his things, until he finally decides to look up.

“Anything wrong?”

You suddenly purse your lips in a small smile amidst the gloomy and rigid air of mid-morning Monday meetings and for a moment, it’s as if Koko is thinking of another memory.

“I just realized you kinda look like my Mr. Kaku,” is all you say. The little remark makes not-your Kakucho look up from the document he’s reading without really turning his head, while Rindou who is seated beside you squints—in curiosity or amusement, Koko can’t tell. From his own right side, Takeomi is slowly angling his head as if meaning to take a better look at Koko behind his curtain of silver hair.

Mr. Kaku, of course, is your pet cat, the one with the smooth silver fur that you’d rescued from an abandoned site during an out-of-town business trip some months ago. You and your unimaginative pet naming sense landed on “Mr. Kaku,” in honor of your then-partner Kakucho who had volunteered to keep the cat inside his bag thru the doors of the hotel that didn’t allow pets. But he looks nothing like Kaku, Manjiro had quipped, earning a few grunts of approval from your ever-biased circle, but you couldn’t have been bothered so you stuck with the name.

Koko is quick to decipher that in your-speak, cat comparisons are more or less compliments and never a form of insult—not that in your mid-20s, you all haven’t already gotten above petty verbal affronts, after all. So he humors you, eyes now back to his things but with his attention still on the matter at hand. “What, is it the hair?”

“Yeah, it’s the hair,” Rindou says before you can answer, his head lolling lazily on one shoulder. “Can’t believe no one had noticed before.”

“And the eyes,” you simply nod. “They both got these nice, sharp eyes.”

Would you have named him Mr. Koko if you thought he resembled Kokonoi before? is the one lingering question that none of the men around you bother to ask.

It’s only a couple of weeks later, after another Bonten meeting, when Koko hands you a souvenir from his weekend business trip: a red cat collar with a customized pendant, a tiny enamel engraving of your Bonten tattoo. The pendant is black on one side and gold on the other, and the small gasp you let out makes every head in the room turn—the almost unfamiliar, genuine sound of delight thawing the usual morning’s stern atmosphere.

“There’s a shop right across the hotel where they make rush engravings like that.” Koko is saying casually like it’s no big deal, but he sees the expression on your face and he can’t help but grin. “Thought Mr. Kaku might like it.”

Your eyes perk up at the mention of ‘Mr. Kaku’ like Koko is the first person to ever acknowledge that Mr. Kaku doesn’t need to be named anything else apart from ‘Mr. Kaku.’ “Oh, it’s perfect, Koko. I’ll send you pictures once I make him wear it,” you say, your attention instantly back to your hands, choosing to ignore his ‘I think just one picture might be enough.’

From the other end of the room, Sanzu is making his way towards the door. “Congratulations,” he smirks as he passes by behind you, quirking one eyebrow up at Koko. “Now she won’t be shutting up about it all weekend,” because Sanzu will be spending the next three days with you over in another city to conduct business with another drug scion, of course.

Across the table, Kakucho only sighs before shaking his head. “I still wish you could’ve picked a better name for your cat,” he says—a valid complaint, Koko thinks bemusedly, now that your own Mr. Kaku looks more like a feline version of himself.

chapter 8 >

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this one goes out to my closest friends the ones who make me feel less alien

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[xiaojusaur]

7 Minutes in Heaven

Pairing: Friends to Lovers! Hendery x Reader

Genre: Fluff, Angst, Smut, Comedy

Warnings: car sex, fingering, squirting, dirty talking, multiple orgasms, mentions of masturbation, mentions of alcohol consumption.

Word Count: 6K

Description: Hendery was the new guy in class who didn’t know how to talk English well, that’s how you first start talking and then became good friends. You had a crush on him, but he didn’t know. Everything changed at a frat party; you shouldn’t have played 7 minutes in heaven with your friend.

You were accustomed to arrive early to the classroom because there was a certain desk you liked, plus you didn’t like being either too close or too far to the professor. Sometimes you really didn’t feel like paying attention, and today was one of those days.

On the way, you met with your best friend, but you couldn’t enroll in the same classes this semester, so she had to leave quickly.

When you got to the classroom, there was a new face and he was sitting on your favorite place. The shock froze you in place, he hadn’t noticed you were there as he was writing something down on his notebook and his dark mane was covering his face.

You decided to be nice and just sit on the desk on his left. When he was aware of your presence, he turned his head to you, your eyes meeting when you raised your glance. You smiled and he smiled back. He was cute. You both kept quiet until the rest of the classmates and the professor arrived.

“Class! We have a new student with us! Hendery, please say hello!” Your professor introduced the new guy to your right. He waved shyly. “Please be patient with him, he doesn’t know much English. He came all the way from Macau. If you guys see him struggling, please give him a hand,” your professor continued.

So that’s why he was so silent! He seemed so nice and you having a lot of empathy, could feel he was feeling anxious. It must’ve been hard not being able to communicate well.

The class continued and you were distracted with the fact that maybe Hendery couldn’t understand well what was being discussed. He looked so focused, you didn’t dare to interrupt him because maybe he was trying to do his best. So you waited for the class to be over and when he was about to leave, you stopped him.

“Hey, wait a minute!” You whisper-shouted.

He turned around and his face seemed to light up.

“Are you okay? Did you understand the class?” You asked him.

“Yeah, I tried my best,” he shrugged and then giggled.

You giggled with him and then said, “If you ever need help to understand something, just ask me, okay?”

“Alright! Thank you!” He seemed genuinely happy that you were willing to help him.

“Do you know anyone around?” you didn’t want him to be alone.

“Yeah, I have a friend. I will meet him now to get lunch,” he explained.

“That’s good!” You nodded.

“Do you want to join us?” He asked you.

“That’s alright! I’ll meet with my best friend too,” you answered.

“Oh okay, see you later then,” he was about to leave when he remembered he didn’t know your name. “Oh! Wait! What’s your name?”

“Y/N,” you smiled to him one last time before he nodded and left.

The months went on like that. Hendery occasionally came for help, he liked teaming up with your for group projects, and he even invited you to lunch a few times. You liked spending time together and slowly, he merged into your group of friends, bringing his group of friends also.

His English got better and better, he was almost and expert, even though he had a cute accent.

You found yourself having a huge crush on him, but you swore you would never tell him. For you, he was way out of your league, you weren’t his type, and you didn’t even know about his language, though he had tried several times to teach you some words and expressions.

“Hey!” He arrived to your apartment without notice to find you curled up in your sofa watching a movie.

“Hi! What’s up?” You said while checking your phone to see if he had texted you, finding an empty screen.

“So, tonight’s there’s this frat party from the frat house Yangyang is in, do you maybe wanna go?” He then smiled widely, trying to convince you.

“I don’t know... I’m not in the mood for partying today,” you replied while cuddling the cushion.

“Come onnn!” He flopped by your side on the couch, “Lyndsey is gonna be there! She’s gonna stalk me the whole night!” He groaned.

“Well, that’s your own fault! You dicked her down and she got addicted,” you shrugged, laughing at him later.

“Hey! I was in need!” He explained unnecessarily.

“You guys can’t last a week without pussy, that’s sad, you know,” you were mocking him.

“It’s in our nature, what can we do? Plus, how long has it been since you got laid?” He was smirking, trying to make fun of you.

“Shut up,” you pushed him playfully.

“So come on!!!! Let’s go to the frat party!” He started shaking you by the arm.

“Alright! Alright! Ugh! You’re so annoying!” You jumped to your feet and went to your room to change, your quick choice being a pair of jeans, a turtleneck shirt, a bomber college jacket, and some sneakers. You texted your best friend.

Hey! Are you going to that frat party?

Idk... are you?

Dery is making me go. Something about Lyndsey and stuff

Sucks. I can accompany you

Please! It’s possible he finds someone else and leaves me alone there surrounded by strangers

Fine, I’ll throw something on and see you there.

You got out of your room and Hendery was there, laying back on the couch while watching the TV. He looked so cute. You couldn’t believe you had a crush on him and he hadn’t noticed.

“We’re ready to go,” you announced and he looked at you from head to toe and back up. He catcalled you as a joke, “Look at my bestie gooo! She’s gonna seduce some men!”

You rolled your eyes and said, “Let’s go before I change my mind.”

“Fine, let’s go!”

At the party, you met with your best friend while Hendery went with his friends. Everyone was wilding, playing beer pong, dancing, drinking, making out on the corners.

You stayed by your friend’s side, dancing and drinking. Hendery found you in the crowd and started dancing with you too, after all, you were that comfortable with each other. He grabbed your hips and was grinding on you while you followed his hips. When the song finished he said he was gonna get more alcohol while you ran to your best friend again.

“Are you not gonna tell him ever?” She asked you, talking about your huge crush in Hendery.

“I don’t think I will. I mean, we’re okay as we are,” you shrugged. You didn’t want to lose his friendship and you thought that if you told him, everything would turn awkward, so you just decided to keep it to yourself.

As the night went by, people started to get sleepy, some passing out on the couches, others disappeared who knows where. Only a few were still alive and among them were Hendery, your friend, the infamous Lyndsey, and you. Someone had the bright idea of playing 7 minutes in heaven just for the sake of relieving high school memories, so you all sat on the floor in circle. Some random guy looked for an empty bottle that would choose the lucky couples. You were sitting across Hendery, who looked spaced out, probably drunk already and being stalked by Lyndsey. The poor girl’s eyes were shining with high hopes of getting a chance to be alone with Dery again. You were mocking him and he was acting annoyed.

As the game progressed, many random couples got to be locked in the darkness of the closet. Your friend matched with the very hot Jaehyun guy from English class but she didn’t spill anything. While you were teasing her, you heard Hendery’s name along with some noise by his friends. You were about to start mocking him too when you noticed the bottle was pointing at you.

You swear your surroundings froze in time. Your friend’s eyes widened because she knew how you felt. Hendery tho, was excited because after all, it was you and he wouldn’t feel so awkward.

“Aren’t you going?” Said the guy who had the control of spinning the bottle, Lyndsey looked at you and then to Hendery, expecting you to not go. Hendery actually helped you to stand up and basically dragged you into the closet with him. Before locking the door, the guy with the timer said, “Whatever you do, you have 7 minutes. Nothing more,” and with that, he left you two alone in the darkness of the closet.

You were holding into Hendery’s arms, maybe to know he was there, maybe as a support, or perhaps because you wanted to feel him close.

“Well, at least I’m saved from Lyndsey,” he laughed nervously.

“Yup, once again, I am your savior,” you remarked.

Being alone with Hendery wasn’t awkward usually, but there was some weird tension going on in the tiny space of the closet.

“What should we do?” He asked in a whisper, the air emitting from his lips blowing you right on the face because he was too close.

“I don’t know... talk? We’re friends, this isn’t weird,” you tried to convince yourself.

“I mean... yeah...”

“These had been the longest seven minutes of my life,” you stated.

“Let’s kiss, maybe that would make it less awkward and the time will go faster,” Hendery suggested and you swear the butterflies in your stomach made a tornado.

“You think kissing between friends is less awkward?” You asked confused.

“Well yeah, I mean, we’re friends. It shouldn’t be weird, it’s only a kiss,” he said, ignorant of your feelings for him.

“Okay then,” you agreed, “but let’s not allow this to make us awkward after, alright?”

“Promise,” he gave you his pinky to hook with yours.

In less than a second, his lips crashed on yours. You thought it was just gonna be a peck, but then he started moving his lips, and automatically, yours responded. His tongue darted between your lips, looking for yours to tangle with. Your arms snaked around his neck, while his wrapped around your waist, bringing you even more closer. Having him like this sparked the feeling inside you more: you were in love with this guy without remedy.

When you two were getting comfortable with it, you heard the alarm outside, indicating time was up. You detangled from each other, fixing your hair and your clothes to make it seem that nothing had happened. Everyone knew you two were best friends and to give the tiniest hint that you had done anything in there would be enough for your group of friends to start teasing you. When the door opened, you went on with your normal friendship and acted as if you haven’t kissed passionately a few minutes ago.

You were too overwhelmed, so you decided to leave with your friend. Hendery stayed. He was probably gonna crash in with the boys.

On the way back, your friend was telling you about her experience with Jaehyun, and then she remembered your time with Hendery.

“Did anything happen in there? You two looked pretty normal to me,” she inquired.

“Well... we kissed,” you shrugged.

“I knew it -wait what?!” She was shocked! “You kissed? As in a peck or-?”

“As in full tongue,” you nodded.

“Oh my God...... how do you feel?” She was concerned now.

“Like I’m in love... I feel like as soon as his lips touched mine, I was done, I completely fell in love with him,” you confessed.

“Oh no.... what you gonna do now?” She asked.

“Try to not be awkward and act as if it was nothing. Friends can kiss right?” You fake-smiled.

“No they cannot! Friends with benefits do... but I don’t think you’re there yet,” she scratched her neck.

“I’m fucked aren’t I?”

“Very...”

You tried avoiding Hendery until you felt better and collected your thoughts, but that was kinda impossible since he was everywhere and he looked for you everyday. So you did your best to not looked like you were having a turmoil of feelings every time you saw his stupid, beautiful face.

There you were, having lunch all together. He was talking about how he wanted to talk to a cute girl who was a few tables away. Your friend placed her hand on top of yours in silent support.

Honestly, you didn’t know what was up with you. He usually talked to you about his affairs with other females and you weren’t this affected, but today you were bothered by it. While his friends celebrated that he was going to get her number, you stood up and left with the excuse of having to study because of a test. Your friend followed you.

“I think you need to talk to him,” she suggested.

“I don’t know. I feel is going to be useless,” you grunted.

“Y/N, it has gotten to a point where you’re always fuming. He will start noticing your behavior soon if you keep this up, so my advice is that you two sit down and talk this out,” she stepped in front of you.

“There’s nothing to talk about! He doesn’t feel the same way I do. I’m the one trying to ruin our friendship,” you said as you threw your hands in the air in frustration.

“First of all, you don’t know that. Second of all, if you keep bottling it, you’re gonna explode and it’s going to be worse. And that’s not ruining a friendship, it’s only natural you like him. You spend time together, he knows you well, he brings you snacks...” Your friend was trying to talk reason back to you.

You whined, “But how am I supposed to tell him? I can’t just sit him down and tell him, ‘Listen, I have this huge crush on you, please love me back’, he’s a guy, he won’t understand.”

“Well, if he feels the same way he WILL understand,” she said matter-of-factly.

“That isn’t helping! Ughhh! I need to plan something... something that looks casual but it’s the right moment, you know what I mean?”

“How about... how about you invite him to watch a movie? That’s something you guys do often, right?” She suggested and you nodded. “You watch a movie, you have your snacks, you cuddle as you always do, and then you tell him. What do you think?” She wiggled her eyebrows and you laughed.

You gasped, “How do you know we cuddle? Are you spying on me?!”

“Come on, let’s be realistic. You two look like cuddly people,” she rolled her eyes.

“Yeah true... your plan sounds good. Imma try it. You’re the best! I don’t know how my life would be without you,” you embraced your friend in gratitude.

At night, you texted Hendery to start with your plan:

Hey, dumbhead

Sup, headache

Do you have plans on Friday night?

Not yet, 为什么？(weishenme - Why)

Why are you texting me in Chinese?! You know I don’t understand! I mean, I’m deducing that means why.

🤪🤪🤪

Anyways! What do you think if we watch that new movie on Netflix?

Sure, I’ll bring snacks

Kay

好！

Now that you had everything planned, you started thinking about what to say and how to say it. You couldn’t just shoot it.

A few hours later, when you were about to go to sleep, you received another text from Hendery. It said it had an image attached. It was strange but you decided to open it. And then regretted it.

Hendery had sent you a spicy picture. It wasn’t a nude but it was pretty suggestive. He was holding his member over his pants, as if to show how big he is without actually showing. Almost a dick pic.

You panicked, you were sure that wasn’t for you. A sudden jealousy took over you because, why was he sending these pics to someone else? But also, your friend-self told you to keep calm and let him know.

Wrong number! Dumbass! Look at the number before sending these kind of things!

He didn’t answer for a while, but then he appeared

I’m sorry!!! Oh God! I’m so embarrassed!

It’s all good. At least you’re not showing anything. My eyes aren’t bleeding yet!

I’m really sorry!

It’s okay! We’re friends...

And you left him with that.

Friday arrived and you were nervous already, waiting for Hendery in your apartment. Around 8PM he knocked on your door and you yelled “Come in!” Too lazy to get up from the couch. He looked comfy but so sexy at the same time.

Hendery brought a lot of snacks and placed them on the low table.

“I brought your favorites and mines, to fix your day!” He said excitedly.

You smiled and replied, “Thanks! I really appreciate it.”

“Let’s get to it!” He yelled and you shushed him laughing, he was so noisy and your neighbors would complain.

You were cuddled up with each other while watching the movie. You were leaning on his chest while he played with your hair with one hand and ate popcorn with the other. You felt his eyes on you, so you looked up and your eyes met. He smiled to you and you smiled back. You didn’t know if it was your imagination but you felt he was getting closer to your mouth. In your panic you didn’t move and opted to let it happen, maybe this was a sign that he liked you back. But then, his lips never touched yours and only centimeters away he said, “Haha, gotcha,” with a groggy voice.

You got angry and couldn’t conceal it anymore. So you got off the couch as quickly as possible.

“What’s wrong?” He asked confused.

The ticking bomb inside you snapped.

“What’s wrong?! You dare to ask me what’s wrong?! Hendery! You just pretended you were going to kiss me and then told me it was a joke!”

“Hey! Calm down! I thought it would be funny! Since you know, we kissed in the game as a joke” His eyes widening in concern.

“So the kiss was a joke to you?” You said crossing your arms tightly.

“I thought it was just a game, it didn’t mean anything,” he explained.

“It did to me!” You blurted, your mouth talking before you could think straight.

He froze and gulped, “What?”

“Nothing,” you turned around and walked to the kitchen.

“Y/N!” He walked behind you, “talk to me! You’re acting really strange lately. You’ve been avoiding me, you get angry about everything... what is wrong? What changed?”

You leaned on the counter, trying to find the correct words. “What changed is...” you gulped and then continued, “My feelings for you, Hendery. That changed.”

He was so puzzled. “I don’t understand...”

“Hendery, I’m in love with you,” you confessed, feeling a relief within you.

You looked at him, his eyes were alarmed, not quite the reaction you were expecting. “I- I- I don’t know what to say...” he stuttered.

“You don’t have to say anything, Hendery...” you muttered.

“I- I’ll be right back...” he walked slowly to the door and left without his things. He didn’t come back.

“Great Y/N, great! You just ruined your friendship,” you said to yourself, running your hands through your hair.

You cleaned your apartment and curled up in your bed, regretting everything you just did.

You two didn’t talk for a week straight, not daring to approach each other. Hendery went to Xiaojun for help because he felt he was losing you and he didn’t want that, but he felt bad for leaving you hanging that night. You were expecting an answer from him, but at that time, he didn’t think you were going to say what you said.

“This is simple, Hendery,” said Xiaojun while cooking something. “How do you feel about her?”

“I don’t know!!!” He whined, pulling his long strands of hair.

“I think you do know, you just don’t want to accept it,” Xiaojun chuckled. “You can be honest with me, you know.”

“Ughhh! Okay,” Hendery groaned. “I think I’m pretty accustomed to her as my best friend that I didn’t think I could actually like her. But now thinking about it well, I feel like my best self when I’m around her. I can be myself and she won’t judge me, she follows my weird behavior, she shares snacks with me...”

“Let me change the question a little bit,” Xiaojun interrupted, “the day of the party, how did you feel when you kissed?”

After thinking about it a little, Hendery answered, “I wanted to keep kissing her. I felt so comfortable in her arms. She’s a great kisser btw,” he drifted away.

“Focus!” Xiaojun yelled.

“Okay, okay! I don’t know, I feel like I would be able to tell if I see her again... but I don’t know how to go back to her,” he sighed.

“How about you do a non-date date, something simple like going for a late night drive,” Xiaojun suggested.

“You’re a genius!” Hendery exclaimed.

“I’m a romantic, which is different,” he pointed out.

It was 12AM on a Friday and you we’re already cuddled in your bed when there was a knock on your door. You threw a hoodie on, to not wear a bra just in case, and went to see who was it.

You felt like the air was punched out of you when you opened the door and saw Hendery’s figure. His hair was disheveled and he was wearing a cream-colored shirt, black joggers, and his glasses: the best look on him. “Hendery...” you said softly.

“Um... hi!” He smiled awkwardly, making him look so cute to you. “Listen, I know we haven’t talked this whole week and I didn’t have the best response to what you said and I’m sorry about that,” he was talking too fast.

“Hey... it’s okay,” you patted him on the arm. “You want to come in?”

“Actually, I came here for you. Do you want to go for a late night drive?” He was swinging, looking pretty nervous.

You sighed, “Do I have to change?”

“Not really, I mean, look at me,” he extended his arms and turned around. You giggled.

“Fine, let me get my shoes,” you ran to your room and put on the first sneakers you found and you both got in his car.

He was just driving around town, both of you being the old friends you were, singing loudly to the songs on the radio, laughing out loud, and watching the neon lights of the places that were open. He got down on a station to buy snacks for both and then kept going.

You ended up on a lonely hill with a view to the city lights. Sitting on the front of his car, you listened to Hendery talked about his life in Macau and what he missed. Then you were playing, trying to guess where were the places among the tiny lights at sight. Like magnets, you cuddled against each other without noticing; the night was getting cold after all. In the chit-chat, the clock marked 3AM. You got in the car again but Hendery didn’t started the car, instead he talked.

“Y/N... I’ve been thinking about what you told me.” There was a long silence between you two, so he continued, “I like the version of me when I’m with you. It’s so easy to not think about what to do or what to say, I can just speak my mind. I really appreciate you.”

“Same here, Dery,” you placed your hand on top of his, which was on his thigh.

“Im sorry for making you feel bad. I really didn’t think straight, I was in utter shock,” he apologized.

“It’s okay, I shouldn’t have said that the way I did,” you accepted.

“So no hard feelings?” He asked, looking at you now.

“No hard feelings,” you smiled.

But then the air changed between you two. A force was drawing you together and neither of you stopped it. Your lips touched, sparking the flame inside you again. And like that, Hendery knew he loved you too, because the butterflies in his stomach wouldn’t stop dancing. His hand traveled to the back of your head, holding you softly. He pulled back first, mumbling, “I’m sorry, is this okay?”

“Only if it’s okay with you,” you whispered.

“I love you,” he muttered before kissing you again, this time deepening the kiss. Your arms quickly wrapped around his neck, bringing him closer. It turned to a passionate make out session and you were gasping for air. You smiled because you were kissing your best friend and Hendery smiled because you looked so cute.

“Should we take this to the backseat?” He suggested with a groggy voice.

“Here? Right now? Really?” You joked.

“I’m sorry! I’m desperate for you,” he shrugged. He jumped first, to lean the seat back for more space. Conveniently he had some sheets there. Then he beckoned you with his hands, inviting you to jump with him. You did as told but your foot got stuck on the front seat so you landed flat over him. You both started laughing at your disgrace but then started kissing wildly again.

He rolled over so you were under him. He fitted perfectly between your legs, as if you were made for him. Quickly, clothes started to be bothersome and he took off your hoodie. Then, Hendery’s hands ran underneath your shirt, reaching your breasts. He squeezed them and then started playing with your hardened nipples, rolling them between his fingers. Soon enough, he asked you, “Can I take this off?” Pulling your shirt. You simply responded, “Please.” He also took off his, revealing his beautiful body and threw both of your shirts to the front seat. One of his hands ran down your body, feeling all of you while he enjoyed your lips. You sighed in satisfaction, feeling yourself getting wetter with every touch and each kiss.

Hendery knew when to start touching you and he asked for your consent, “Can I touch you?”

“Please Dery, I’m so wet already,” you said in a needy whisper.

He groaned in response, his fingers not loosing time in snaking inside your shorts. First he touched you over your underwear and then he slipped inside your panties, finding your clit easily. “Oh my god,” you said in a breathy murmur.

“Fuck... you’re so wet,” he hissed. He took out his hand to pull down your pants and underwear, all in one go, helping you shimmy out of them. After all, none of this was being awkward between you, you felt comfortable with each other. Once he had you all at his mercy, he kissed your neck, his mouth going down and down while his hand went to your south. His lips enclosed your nipple at the same time his fingers got between your folds. God! He was so skilled! Your hand played with his hair while his did unholy thing to you.

He sticked his middle finger in you, going in and out, then he added his ring finger and started moving them fast and deep inside, making you whine. “Fuuuuck! Dery! Feels so good!”

He let go of your nipple with a pop, “You like my fingers, baby? Yeah?” His voice was lower than usual and breathier, it had your head spinning.

“Ooh! Yeah, I love them,” you cried and kissed him. You could hear the squelching sound coming from between your legs. You couldn’t believe Hendery was the one making a mess of you.

You felt your orgasm bubbling inside you, “Hendery I’m gonna cum,” you said in a high-pitched whimper.

“You wanna cum on my fingers? Do you like them that much?” He panted.

“Mmmm! Yes!” You moaned.

“Come on, baby, let go,” he commanded you and started thrusting his fingers faster.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck,” you said in a shattered chant and then you felt the delicious tingles all over your body, your eyes rolled back, and your back arched. Something unusual happened this time: strands of water gushed out of you and your legs started to shake. You cried loudly loosing all control of your body. Hendery was amazed of what he just did, “Shit! So hot!”

You, on the other hand, were embarrassed. “Oh god... I’m so sorry...” you hid on the crook of his neck.

“It’s okay, that was so hot! I’ve never achieved that. Did you know you could do that?” He caressed your hair in assurance.

“No... it’s the first time that happens...” you whined in embarrassment.

“Baby, it’s okay,” he chuckled, “wanna know something? I’m harder now.”

“Deryyy!” You gasped.

“Can you take it?” He hummed.

“I can take all of you,” you smirked.

“So naughty, I like it,” he pecked your lips and proceeded to kneel in front of you, all bended to avoid smashing his head with the hood. He slipped his pants off easily, along with his briefs, his hardened cock springing free. Your mouth watered at the sight, the tip so pink, shinning with wetness, all ready to take you.

You opened your legs, inviting him, you couldn’t wait for him to be inside you.

He hissed when seeing your still wet core, “Fuck, I could’ve beat that long time ago,” to which you laughed. “Well, you decided to keep boundaries.”

“You’re my best friend, wasn’t it going to be weird?” He raised an eyebrow.

“Maybe?” You shrugged.

“I’m a man, you know. I’m weak. Do you think I didn’t wish to rearrange your insides some of those nights where we cuddled in your couch? It took the best of me to calm this little guy,” he grabbed his length. You burst out laughing.

“Are we really having this conversation when you’re about to wreck me?” You rolled your eyes.

“You started it!” He complaint.

“Oh, shut up and fuck me,” you taunted.

“Condom or no condom?” He asked.

“Wrap your weiner, I don’t know where you have sticked that thing in,” you commanded him.

“I’m clean! I always protect myself, who do you take me for?! I offered myself since I trust you as my best friend, but okay. And don’t call him a thing! He has a name!” he sounded so offended.

“Oh my god! Don’t take it personal! Maybe in the future I’ll let you fuck me raw,” you winked, “but for now, let’s do it this way.”

“Alright,” he said as he looked for his wallet in the pocket of the pants he just discarded. Finding the tiny foil square was fast and he was even faster rolling it down his shaft.

“Come here,” he pulled you closer by your legs, making you laugh. This whole adventure had been a fun ride for both of you.

He kissed you passionately again, one of his hands ran to your leg, bending it a little to have better access to your entrance. He then hold his length, rubbing the tip up and down your pussy, teasing you, making you bite your lip. You were shaking in anticipation.

He pushed himself in slowly, both of you moaning. “Mmm, 操! (cào - Fuck), you’re so tight for me, baby,” his said in a shaky whisper.

He went as deep as he could, making you feel so full. “Hendery,” you breathed, “I feel so full.”

“Yes baby, I’m gonna make you feel so good,” he assured you in hoarse groan.

He kept thrusting you slowly, passionately, enjoying every inch of you. The car was full of shaky breaths, low moans, occasional grunts, and the sound of kisses. Never in your life you thought you would share such an intimate moment with Hendery, but you were loving every second of it.

“Can I go faster?” He asked softly.

“Yes please,” you pleaded.

Hendery caged you in his arms and started snapping his hips faster. His lips whispered filthy praises in your ear, adding up to your want for him, “So good, your cunt feels so warm baby, wanna fill you up with my cum. Do you want that? Yeah? Mmmm... Making love to you feels so nice. I love you, I love you, I love you. This is the only pussy I wanna fuck for the rest of my life.”

Your hands hugged him back, running all his back, tangling in his hair, he had you crazy for him with every word. If you weren’t out of breath, you replied to his words with moans and mewls. “Mmmf! Hendery! Fuck! I love you so fucking much! Please keep fucking me, it feels so good!”

A few minutes later he panted, “I’m gonna cum.” He tried to go faster and he drove his hand south, finding your bundle of nerves skillfully. He was drawing circles while pummeling into you fast, making your second orgasm arrive with force, tightening around him. A sharp scream left your throat and you hugged him tightly. Hendery came with a guttural growl, “Ughhh! So good!” You could feel him pumping in you while he filled the condom.

When you both could breathe again, he embraced you and peppered you with kisses, making you giggle. “How are you feeling, my love?” He smiled.

“I like the sound of that coming from your lips,” you cuddled with him. He sighed, satisfied with the thought that you were his and he was yours.

“Then I will call you that all day just to see you happy,” he kissed you on the forehead.

“You’re my happiness,” you purred.

“I love you, I really do,” he confessed.

“I love you too, Dery,” you raised your head to kiss his lips.

“Do I need to pop the question or are we clear?” He joked.

“Imma torture you and make it pop it,” you chuckled beaten.

“Would you be my girlfriend?” He asked confidently.

“I’d love to,” you replied.

After a moment of silence, Hendery suggested, “Up for round two?”

“Oh my god, you’ll be the death of me if your sex drive is this high,” you sighed.

“My sex drive with you will always be high. Imagine having to hide your boner for so many years and then finally getting the pussy of your dreams?” He was such a character.

“Stop!! That is not true” you shoved him with your elbow.

“Not true?! Do you wanna know how many times I masturbated after arriving home from our movie nights?!” He could be brutally honest sometimes.

“You masturbate?” You wanted to see him snap.

“Listen, Y/N, if I didn’t, my dick would’ve fallen off by now because holy fuck! I wanted to rail you so bad!”

You just exploded in laughs. He really was the man you loved.

“How many rounds can you make?” You asked him.

“I have a whole box of condoms to use with you. You decide,” he shrugged.

“So that’s 3?” You jeered.

“Very funny,” he said sarcastically.

The car kept rocking, the windows were fogged and Hendery almost could last till dawn making love to you. The rest of the night became an orgasm feast for you two.

You fell asleep, beaten thanks to the activities. When you woke up, the sky was painted in pastel colors, announcing dawn. You were wrapped under the sheets, naked with Hendery, on the back of his car.

You looked at him, he looked so cute sleeping soundlessly, you didn’t want to wake him up, but the sun was about to rise and you were away from the city.

“Baby,” you whispered softly.

“Hmm?” He hummed, as if asking what was wrong.

“Baby, I’m cold and the sun is rising,” you explained.

“Mmm... really?” His sleepy voice was making your head spin.

“Yes my love, we should go home. We can continue sleeping at my apartment if you want,” you suggested.

He yawned, “but then I’ll have to make love to you again because I want to be like this with you.”

You giggled, he was so cute talking while sleepy. You kissed his cheek. “We can just get naked and sleep.”

“It’s not the same,” he groaned. Hendery sat and stretched, then, he passed you your clothes.

You guys bought breakfast on the way home, you ate it and then went back to sleep. You spent the majority of the day in bed watching series, glad that you belonged to each other now.

[drsteggy]

So, this is not cosplay or writing or Zelda related but I need to noodle on this in a place it won’t really be seen by people who know me IRL.

I was basically a big nerd when I was a kid. I know, surprise! But I also went to a really small Catholic school and it was very tough being smart and obsessed with dinosaurs in that environment and I got bullied. I’m so glad this didn’t happen now, where maybe I could see my classmates trashing me outside of school, because I did get glimpses of that and it sucked.

Anyway, I had a bad time and I got out of there and then like uhhhh longer than I’d like to admit I got on Facebook and that thing where all these people you knew popped up and because I didn’t know any better, I accepted every friend request I got.

Including the girl who was very mean to me back in the early 80s. We will call her A.

Anyway like nothing happened and then a couple years ago, A reaches out because another guy in our class (who was also garbage to me) had a horrible thing happen and she asked if I wanted to pitch in on flowers. I declined saying I get this might make me seem awful but…though I acknowledge that what happened was awful, I d had no contact with this guy for 30 years and I did not have good memories of him. A said she understood.

A few days later, A messaged me apologizing for how she treated me when we were kids. She wasn’t a nice person, she said and regrets it and I was like what is going on. Like. This is the fantasy, for sure, but it actually happened. I accepted the apology, she asked to go have lunch and I backed off because man, I am still leery of people.

And then 2020 happened.

Today A found my mostly dead Instagram account. I messaged her and offered the name of the one I’m actually using and told her I thought about that conversation we’d had last and that I’d like to take her up on lunch, so that might happen in a few weeks.

I believe people can change. As much as I like to pretend I’m a grumpy pessimist and I’m pragmatic and all…in my heart I think most people are good. I’ve had a former employer spontaneously apologize for his behavior that caused me to quit (and almost making my cry at a conference) and last month someone I had a falling out with approach me with an olive branch. There are some people who have crossed me that it would be hard to come back from…but I think that if someone comes to me with real change on the table, I should accept it.

So idk. Maybe this will turn into a friendship. Maybe it won’t. Either would be okay.