#and came to a mutual decision to try and be better and end the cycles of violence by becoming friends and embracing forgiveness?'

[trentcrimminallybeautiful]

in which trent and roy make up earlier in a slightly less public setting and then make the completely hinged decision to use this opportunity to fuck with everyone

[cherry-leclerc]

20/90 ☆ cl16

genre: humor, smut, angst, jealous!charles, post-break up, toxic ex trope, on & off

word count: 2k

After a painful break-up, you and Charles find yourselves taking part in what seems to be a never ending cycle. But there are rules that apply.

nsfw warning under the cut!

18+...car sex, riding, wrap it before you tap it!

req!...two in a day?? you guys are spoiledddd

It takes about twenty days to break a habit, give or take. There’s proof; like the time you scolded yourself into not biting your nails anymore, horrified with the idea of getting engaged with monstrous hands. Or when you swore you would never drink again after Singapore.

But it takes ninety to make a permanent change.

It was a mutual decision, it was the most mature one, really, too. He was getting more and more busy; higher demand. You were drowning with homework, and senior thesis, it was long overdue. Yet it still broke your heart just the same. We can try again in the future, he tries to reason when you sob against his chest, linen shirt growing damp, but never once thinks about pulling away. 

There is no future if there’s no you, you whimper. You feel stupid, desperate, and disgusting. It was not a lovely mix, but it was true. How could you move on when he was all you’ve ever wanted?

And there’s no present without you.

That was thirteen days ago, to be exact. Life was not better, but bearable to say the least. Often, you would find yourself stalking him on social media, unbeknownst that he did the same. You finally got your bachelor's you had worked your ass off for. He finally came to a renewal on his Ferrari contract. Life should be good.

Instead, you find yourself slumping against the cold wall, eyes squinting at the harsh sun. You’re well aware you’re panting like a beast, and sweat trickles down your face like a water faucet, but you couldn't care any less. Running was definitely not for the weak. 

Abandonner si tôt?

Directing your attention to a deep voice, your heart stops before excitedly pumping against your chest. You can feel it in your ribcage. It should be a crime how handsome he still is, the more he gets day by day. W-what are you doing here? 

His green eyes flicker against the rocks. Oh, you know. 

Are you here for me? You want to foolishly ask, but bite down instead. I thought you were already in Bahrain. 

Keeping tabs on me? 

Flustered, you narrow your eyes, feigning a normal state. We dated for five years. I know your schedule by heart. His soft features register a wave of shock, nervous fingers gripping his phone.

It was good seeing you. And he leaves.

It shouldn’t hurt so much, but it does. It feels as if you’ve scraped your knee, hit your heart, got punched square in the face, and got run over by a school bus. Infinite times. And he seems A-OK. It's against your better judgment to follow after him, to yell at him out of spite for no apparent reason. But you were not the same girl he used to know.

“Oh fuck,” Charles groans as you ride him hastily, headboard banging against the wall as he keeps a steady hold on your hip, where a path of fresh bruises lie. He almost laughs if it weren’t for you rolling your hips tentatively. He quirks a brow when you shake your head and finish around his thick girth, leaving him no choice but to follow along with a low shudder. 

“What have I done?” you whisper, delicate hands coming up to cover up your bare breasts. “Oh my God…”

“Ah,” he hums. “What a delightful thing to hear.”

Scurrying off his lap, you grab your wrinkled clothes, inching towards the exit as you wag your finger. “This –that– could never happen ever again. Capeesh?” 

Charles tries his best to hide his hurt, braving through with a nonchalant smile. “Never again.”

-

You’re eight days in when he texts you. Something about needing someone to talk to. You might have broken up, but who said you couldn’t remain friendly acquaintances? He demands you meet at your spot, and it's a slap in the face but find yourself there nonetheless. He rambles on and on about his ongoing stress, and the neverending pressure. You knew it got bad, but you never thought this much. 

“My PR manager is debating on whether I should date someone for the sake of increasing views. More attention.” 

Your jaw goes slack. “You called me for this?” Rushing up to your full height, you brush off a gust of dirt, struggling to not roll into a coughing fit. “What makes you think this is something I want to hear?”

The Monegasque’s face pinches up like a clam. “I thought you should know.”

You scoff. “Right…” He watches as you scarily pace the open field with a blank expression. It saddens him how suddenly he doesn’t know how to read you. “You’re a fucking coward.”

And you leave.

-

He follows through with it because there’s really no other choice. She’s nice, but not kind like you. She’s pretty, but not breathtaking like you. You get the gist. 

Her touch is unfamiliar and cold, forced. Abnormal. Her father is some kind of wealthy man who invests in prestigious hotels in his home country and is looking to make some more money as if what he doesn’t have is enough to serve him a lifetime. Sometimes, Charles feels for her. She probably wanted this the same amount as he did. 

Behind a screen, you live through all of it. Your friend nicknamed you as Bella-From-Twilight-When-Edward-Goes-Away. Only Edward comes back. Charles never did. But it's now been seventeen days. And you curse the day you run out of your favorite ice cream.

“Why am I always bumping into you?” you huff when you spot the brunette. He rolls his eyes. I’m the famous one here. I don’t need to follow anyone, unlike you. Where his cold tone finally blossomed from –you don’t know– but you didn’t like it at all. Purposefully hitting your cart against his own, you stroll off. “Sorry for the inconvenience, Mr. Superstar.”

Comedically, you both find yourself glaring as you check out from adjacent sides, a silent competition on who can get out of there the fastest. You came here just for that, he mouths from afar as your burn bright pink, gaze flickering towards your strawberry ice cream. You flip him off, but giggle apologetically when the cashier assumes it’s aimed towards her. 

Charles wants to chuckle in amusement but would rather eat his own foot than admit to that. Have a good day, you can hear his clerk tell him at the same time yours does too. Flinging your arm into the hoop on your tote bag, you run off as he races you with a full cart of groceries. There’s a curve you hit as you manage to squeeze through and smile back at your ex, somehow satisfied. Amidst skip, you feel a harsh push as you fling forward, falling onto your knees as a little boy winces, licks his lollipop, and walks away. 

Blood trickles down your knees as you fiercely turn back to look at a regretful loser. “Is it really that deep?” you spit out, ears turning bright red from your reasonable anger. He tries to help you up but that only receives him a slap in the face. “Great. I look like I just got my period. Unbelievable.” 

“You just hit me,” he speaks in disbelief.

“You just pushed me,” you retort pointing at your injury, flesh being creepily visible. “On purpose, I might add.”

The Monegasque scoffs, gently massaging his aching face, dark brows pointed at you like knives. “You’re one crazy fucking girl…”

“Thanks, I get that a lot.”

It's all a fateful haze, the way you end up in his car. You suppose it starts the moment he presses on helping you unload your groceries, as some sick apology. But it’s only my ice cream. But he sheepishly shrugs. Now blood paints his driver's seat as you sit on top of him, and occasional grunts overflow due to his red cheek. “I can’t have sex with you,” you mumble against his swollen lips, chest heaving as your tinted windows begin to fog up. It was still early, but you didn’t care. 

“And I shouldn’t want to have sex with you, and yet.” 

“Yeah,” you pant, kisses steaming up. “Okay then.”

Shame lingers on your drive back home, and grows even deeper when you realize your strawberry treat has melted.

-

You would never take yourself as a self-driven person; not like most people. It was only one of your many flaws, but in this very moment, bent over the kitchen counter, you promise to become one.

“I can’t keep going back to him,” you groan over the phone as Lily attentively listens to what she considers gossip, and you consider a mid-life crisis. “We broke up months ago, why do I keep doing this to myself?”

“Perhaps because two still care for one another.” And because you know you still love him, and he loves you, she wants to add but stops herself when you glare coldly. 

“I am so over him, are you kidding? I’ve never been better. In fact, I’m going out tonight. First man I see boom! Fuck him. Just like that.” You click your fingers magically for emphasis. 

Lily’s face drops as her eyes zigzag towards something behind her screen. Before she can try to talk you out of it, you hang up. She’s obviously joking, she stutters when Charles freezes, midway from hanging Alex a pair of joggers, since he had forgotten his own. The green-eyed boy forces a dark smile, tipping his head and heading out without a goodbye. 

“I should probably warn her.”

You weren’t picking up–you weren’t going to. It was starting to hit you how stupid this all was and you did not need your friends erasing the last bits of determination you had within you. Beaming at a group of guys, you can’t help but flutter your eyes as they quietly fight over who gets to have the first move. Dibs, if you must. Swallowing the last bit of your awful drink, you start making your way over before a warm hand grips your wrist. “No. I’m not doing this again.”

Charles rolls his eyes. “And you’re not doing that either, we’re leaving.” It takes a lot of mental strength to not kick him in the shin and run off, but you can’t help but slap him once again as soon as he drags you out into the alleyway. A habit you’ve picked up, I see, he growls.

“Why are you still doing this?” you whimper, glassy eyes looking up in complete defeat. “You broke up with me. I agreed. We’re supposed to be moving on from one another. Why can’t you at least try to let me go?”

It’s a punch to the gut, the sound of your raw voice, broken and weak. He takes a clumsy step back, chest tightening from the tense situation he has wheezed himself into. “Believe me, I’m trying but I just can’t…”

Your nose is runny, mascara coats you like a baby racoon, cheekbones are splotchy as if you’ve just been hit, and you were still the most beautiful thing he’s ever seen. Which is part of the reason why he can’t walk away from everything you've been through. 

“Well you’re not going to try, but I am. For real this time.”

-

It’s been ninety-two days, a lot, but not enough at the same time. But there was a piece of you that knew you weren’t missing him as much. So, maybe–it was. Enough, you suppose. It still hurts a tiny bit sometimes, watching him pose with fake smiles, or maybe they’re genuine, you can’t really tell the difference anymore. The way his eyes learned to sparkle for her over time. Fake can become real, it appears. But you being yearnful didn’t mean you weren’t moving on for your own sake. This was good, a new start. The kind you now looked forward to.

And it only took ninety-two fucking days.

taglist: @urfavnoirette @lpab @d3kstar @namgification @myownwritings

*feel free to let me know if you would like to be included in the general taglist!!

[mythicalage]

Maybe This Was All A Mistake - HKS

synopsis: things aren't looking so good in your relationship after 3 years of being with your bf

characters: bf!shota x fem!reader

a/n: i've never published anything on tumblr so pls bear w me as i try to figure things out 😞 also dont know when to add warnings and stuff (non-idol au btw)

everything was totally fine for the past 3 years. perfect even. so why was there so much tension between you and shota?

well you knew why; the constant arguing over stupid shit which would then snowball into bigger things. usually you guys were so good at dealing with arguments and would end with a mutual understanding.

it's gotten to the point where you're tired of shota's mixed signals. he'd distance himself from you, get angry whenever you wanted attention so when you returned the favor, suddenly he'd turn into a clingy bf.

after 5 months of ranting about the issue to your friends, they were completely over it. reasonably so. they'd always give advice and voice their opinions but you never listened.

"break up with him"

"i dont think i can give up 3 years this easily. he's been better recently."

"yeah and then hes gonna go back to being an asshole"

"we don't know that. maybe its just those situations where we have a few struggles in the relationship and everything will be better again."

"girl— oh my gosh."

maybe you were actually stupid to believe that. nothing changed. it was the same never-ending cycle. did you actually waste 3 entire years on him? 1,239 days if you want to get specific. was the time actually wasted if you were happy with him for the first two years? did the love just wear off?

you both had gone out to downtown, walking around and stopping at a cafe where you two had your first date together. you guys came here pretty often, usually happy, but today was just rather sad. shota only scrolled on his phone as you both were sat right by the large window, waiting for your drinks.

you sighed, biting the inside of your cheek as your chest began to feel heavy. you watched soul mindlessly scroll on his phone, occasionally texting. he still had the polaroid picture of you behind his phone case but you wondered why he even bothered keeping it there. or maybe he simply didn't care enough to take it out.

"order for an iced matcha latte and an iced americano!" the worker placed the two drinks over the counter to which shota looked over and then glanced at you.

"i'll get it." you pushed your chair back and went over to grab the drinks. "thank you," you forced a smile at the worker and received a nod.

you don't really know why you ordered the most basic, kind of disgusting, drink ever. you weren't in the mood to drink or eat anything. as you sat back down, you slid the green latte over to shota and he finally placed his phone down, taking the drink into his hands. "thanks."

"its been a while since we've last been here," your voice was soft but had little to no emotion to it.

"yeah, it has been." shota took a sip of his drink before moving the cup in his hand in a circular motion, probably to mix everything.

it was depressing to see him this way. he was normally very silly, making random noises or rambling on and on about things he's into. it'd be an understatement to say you missed it. maybe it's too late to get that version of haku shota back. maybe you're just not the person who can bring it out of him anymore.

you didn't realize tears had brimmed your eyes until you felt the huge lump in your throat. you shouldn't cry. not in front of him at least and definitely not in public.

shota looked up at you from his drink. he stayed quiet for a moment before finally speaking. "you okay?" he reached for your hand and interlaced your fingers together. part of you wanted to snatch your hand away but the other part wanted to feel the warmth of his hand for as long as you could — before you commit to your decision of breaking away from him.

"shota," you choked on your voice, biting your bottom lip afterwards as tears begin to finally slip down your cheeks. you looked at his face before looking down at your hands, "lets.. break up."

although you didn't see it, shota's face dropped, his mouth slightly gaped. "you.. want to break up...?" his grip on your hand loosened but he didn't let go completely.

you only nodded to his response, biting your lip to prevent any sobs from becoming audible, simultaneously trying to stop the tears to no avail.

"baby, what? why? please, let's just talk about this." shota pleaded quietly but loud enough for you to hear.

you looked back up, your eye makeup slightly ruined by the tears. you sniffled as you took your hand away from his, "shota, you know why." you fought to not let your voice crack, carefully dabbing the tears off your cheeks and from underneath your eyes with the sleeve of your shirt.

"no, i don't know why. sure we have these small moments where we're upset but that's normal. we always go back to how it used to be, do we not?" he leans over the table and cups your cheek with his hand, his sad eyes looking into your teary ones.

you think about it. maybe he is right. you might've been thinking a little irrationally.

no. this can't happen again.

you shake your head, pushing his hand away from your face and you get up from your chair. "no shota. i'm tired of feeling this way. you give me attention when you feel like you're losing me but after a while, you go back to being a dickhead." you frown, taking your drink into your hand.

he gets up as well but leaves his drink on the table. at this point a few people are staring but it doesn't matter. "please y/n. don't leave me. we can fix this."

"there's no 'we' anymore, shota. i'm sorry." you drop your head.

shota only stays quiet. he grabs his drink and tosses it into the nearby trashcan and does the same to the cup in your hand. he knows you don't even like americanos.

when you guys came in not too long ago and ordered the drinks, he was confused as to why you had bought it. it doesn't matter anyway.

he swallows the lump that had now formed in his throat, taking a deep breath before talking.

"can i at least hug you for one last time?"

your heart shatters. you look into his eyes with blurry vision due to the tears and you wrap your arms around his body.

his face meets the top of your head as his arms hug your waist, rocking both of your bodies side to side as you silently sob into his chest.

"i'm sorry i couldn't be a better boyfriend to you."

after the hug you couldn't get yourself to say goodbye to him. you simply let go and walked outside and got yourself an uber.

this is going to be a bitch to get over.

a/n: definitely not my best work but i somewhat tried whidkwkd if this is total shit lmk 😭😭 wattpad-esque ahh story omg

[keijikunn]

Fate’s work

Pairing: Iwaizumi Hajime x fem!reader (there’s a slightly platonic Oikawa x reader but anyway) Genre: a big mess of angst and fluffy and I don’t even know anymore Summary: you and Hajime have initiated a concluded two cycles of life together: elementary and middle school passed by in a breeze. Now, high school graduation was approaching faster than you wanted and a statement terrifies you: Iwaizumi Hajime will not start the college cycle beside you Word count: ~3.5k

Author’s note: well well well it’s me after a while to post something out of blue! Special thanks to @hidden-otaku-stuff​ @toorusushijima​

WARNING: none

If you enjoy it please leave a comment or a reblog!! 

The first time you saw Iwaizumi Hajime was when his best friend – and soon to be yours as well – had hit your face with a volleyball during a p.e class. Oikawa Tooru still thinks it was a funny incident, despite the fact he bawled his eyes out at the sight of blood coming from your nose. Iwa, being the responsible kid he has always been, called the teacher to help you out – while calm down his crying friend.

Later that day, after the club activities, the two boys searched you in every class of their grade so Oikawa could (quoting the exact same words Iwaizumi said) “to apologize to her because of your clumsy self, Idiotkawa”. They just found you by the gates, your face didn’t look swollen neither did your nose appeared to be in a weird position – which Tooru thanked the skies, he definitely wouldn’t be able to deal with the fact he broke someone else’s nose (not that it was possible given the fact he was 6).

“C’mon Oikawa, say it” Hajime demanded pushing the other boy towards you, catching your attention.

“Oh, you’re the boy who spiked on my face” you stated before cracking a teasing smile. “I thought it was cool, until you started to cry. I wondered if you felt my pain by the way you were screaming”

“Hey!” Tooru whined, which made you and Hajime laugh even harder. “I was worried and came here to apologize, but I take everything back”

“You haven’t even said anything, idiot” Iwaizumi snickered, eyeing you as you proceeded to laugh once again. For a young boy, hajime wondered why his chest felt so warm watching you smile with something he had said.

“It’s fine, Oikawa-kun, right?” your laughter died down a bit, a hand raising to your face and poking your nose lightly. “It hurt quite a lot- but it already passed! See? I can touch it without feeling pain. And the name is L/n Y/n, so if any of you try to kill me with a ball, you can apologize properly”

Oikawa kept complaining, as the years passed by, that you just joined their little group of friends because you and Iwaizumi bounded by bullying him. The other boy would snort at that comment and proceed to tease him, while you’d laugh at their interaction. Ever since Iwaizumi Hajime was 6 years old, he had found your laugh one of the best sounds he had ever heard. And up until today he still agrees with it.

On the next day, you found the two boys at the same spot they talked on the previous day. You could tell oikawa was whining at something iwaizumi said and couldn’t help but crack a smile. Indeed they were best friends, bickering to no end and still remain next to each other. Wow, I envy these two.

“Good morning L/n-san” Iwa greeted as you approached them with larger steps. “How’s your face?”

“Morning, you two” you answered back with a small wave, stopping in front of them. “And it’s fine, Iwaizumi-kun. It hurt a lot at that moment, but now it’s all good”

And together, the three of you walked side to side to their classroom – coming to realize you’ve been classmates before even knowing. You blended well between Oikawa’s somewhat difficult personality and Iwaizumi’s bluntness towards the other boy. In no time, the duo became a trio and that just made sense.

Just like the sudden ball on your face, the years passed by in a blink of an eye. When you noticed, the three of you were graduating elementary school and joining Kitagawa Daiichi. There, they’ve joined the volleyball club and you decided to follow them as well – becoming the manager (a position you would hold until the very end of high school). It was definitely a process of growth for you: Oikawa became more ambitious; Iwaizumi progressively became better and better at his position. And you grew as the responsibility to maintain energetic boys at bay demanded you. But, the most important, your feelings for none other than Iwaizumi Hajime flourished in your heart.

It was funny how cliché your very first love came out to be: falling in love with your best friend… you didn’t know what made you like Iwaizumi more than just friends. Could it be the way he’d always care for you, making sure you don’t get hurt? (he says he’s traumatized after your first encounter). Maybe the way he plays volleyball, with such passion and desire to progress in ability?

Perhaps it was everything and much more. But, on top of anything, what made you fall for Iwaizumi Hajime was because he was himself. The blunt, slightly violent towards Tooru – but just because he genuinely cares about him, the hardworking and loyal boy he has always been. It could be a silly childhood crush- heck, you didn’t even care if it was a one-time-thing, liking Hajime was easy. And it was the purest thing ever. 

In the deepest part of your brain, at some point while you were growing up, the possibility of parting ways with the two boys crossed your mind. How could you not think about that when they were so talented volleyball players at such a young age? If they applied to any powerhouse school the answer would be a big yes. 

That was the reason why you approached your best friends after practice, when everyone had already left the gym and only Oikawa was training his jump serves. Iwaizumi was on the side lines ready to stop the other boy- he claimed he could easily headbutt the brunet once again like he did previously. 

“Guys…” you called quietly, completely different from your usual self around them. Looking at them made your eyes swell with tears and the clear image of them using different uniforms from the best volleyball clubs in Miyagi prefecture had appeared on your mind. “Do you know which school you’ll attend next year?”

“Why the sudden question, Y/n-chan?” Tooru asked without looking at you, Hajime, on the other hand, noticed how you fiddle with the hem of your jacket. “We don’t have to think about it right now, we have some time”

“It’s important, Idiotkawa, Y/n has a point,” Iwaizumi retorted, taking the volleyball from his hands. “Unlike this dummy, I wasn’t accepted in many schools… though Aoba Johsai accepted me”

“Seijoh?! Really, Hajime?” the excitement didn’t pass unnoticed by them, even the hint of relief was hidden there. “Wow, congratulations!! And you, Tooru-chan? Did Shiratorizawa accept you?”

“I’m not going to the same school as Ushiwaka,” he huffed, crossing his arms, a pout forming on his face. “So I’m following Iwa-chan”

“As always, dumbass” his friend shot back with a teasing grin. It was enough for a bickering start between them, leaving you with your own thoughts. 

At the age of fourteen, you don’t have many worries about life. So, the thought of going to different schools as those two who you knew since you were six years old was terrifying. I’ll have three more years with them. You wouldn’t say goodbye to Oikawa and Iwaizumi. Not yet, at least. 

“And you Y/n- hey, why are you crying?” Hajime shouted surprised, he stopped on his tracks - with hands stopping Tooru. You wiped your tears quickly with the sleeve of the track, to no avail since they kept falling, and smiled. “Oi, why are you smiling and crying?”

“I’m just… happy” it was true. You were not ready to say goodbye to your best friends, especially your first love. Because, for someone who didn’t have much worries in mind, that situation was the worst scenario. “I’m happy we have three more years together”

Unfortunately, three years were not enough for you. 1095 days were not enough to calm your heart that, despite any distance, friendships don’t end just because you don’t see each other every day. But the most important, three years were not enough for you and Hajime; not when being with him felt so right. 

His confession surprised you, especially on White’s Day during the first year at Aoba Johsai. After years giving him (and Tooru) chocolates, you would never expect Iwaizumi to give you a necklace while saying “I like you more than just friends, please go out with me”. All you did at that moment was laugh- and laugh hard. It was so Iwaizumi to confess like that, bluntly and straightforward; and you appreciated even more because you fell in love with him the way he was. 

“I can’t believe I’ll be the third wheel everytime we go out” Tooru whined after Iwaizumi and you told him about the new label the two of you would have. “Fortunately I have Makki and Mattsun to keep me company while you two get all lovey-dovey”

“Oikawa Tooru, I spent almost ten years of my life being the third wheel of you and Haji” that comment made them snort. “Do not complain about it because it’s most likely that you’ll have my boyfriend most of the time” 

“Lies! You’re our manager, the whole team will need to deal with you kissing Iwa-chan” Oikawa teased you and a part of you was getting annoyed, but the soft smile he gave you and your boyfriend told you otherwise. “Seriously, though, I’m so happy for you two”

Hajime squeezed your hand at his best friend’s comment, grinning down at you with a sparkle inside his eyes. You felt at peace: your feelings were mutuals, your best friend supported your new relationship and it was only the first year. Your state of bliss numbed your constant fear of changes, especially those brought by the end of cycles. 

And gosh, dating Iwaizumi Hajime was probably the best decision you’ve ever made in your teenage years. He still was the same boy as before, but gentle kisses, holding his hand and nights spent in each other’s embrace maximized all the already-perfect traits your boyfriend had. At the same time dating Iwa was new, it felt like you’ve been doing it for ages judging by how comfortable you were around each other. 

Falling in love with your best friend was probably the best decision you’ve ever made.

Every achievement felt a thousand times better when you could jump into Hajime’s arms, wrapping your legs around his waist as he spinned twice cheering loudly. There was no better way to celebrate a deserved win after a difficult match or a good grade on a difficult test.

“Haji, you did it!” those were the first words that would come out of your mouth after the referee signaled the end of the game and the boys cheered between themselves. The ace would always wear a big grin on his face as he catches you when you jump on him. “Oh my, I’m so proud of you and the boys” 

“How could I not make it when my personal cheerleader was giving her best on the side lines?” Iwaizumi teased kissing the corner of your mouth, your response was a light punch on his shoulder, but your eyes expressed all the love and proudness you were feeling. “Thank you for all your efforts as well, manager-chan”

“Hey, you two” Oikawa called off, interrupting the sweet moment between you and your boyfriend. “Keep PDA to minimal, we’re still on court. Iwa-chan, we have to bow to the stands, you can be all gross and touchy on the bus”

“Don’t give them ideas, Oikawa!” Makki complained kicking the setter, their antics made you laugh and tap on Hajime’s arms to put you down. “Don’t you dare do anything with us nearby, you perv”

“Of course not, dumbass” Iwaizumi barked, the tip of his ears burned in embarrassment. You watched your team thank the audience that supported them with a tiny smile on your face.

You’ve created beautiful memories in three years.

However, the same way all cycles have a beginning point, they also have their ends. And they were coming faster than you thought. You firstly noticed that after Aoba Johsai lost to Karasuno after a difficult match. 

It was the last chance to go to nationals with this team, in your last year at Seijoh, and the look on Iwaizumi and Oikawa’s faces shattered your heart. It was upsetting that you couldn’t do anything more than pat their backs and praise their efforts, because you knew it wouldn’t help ease the anger caused by a loss. The tears streaming down Hajime’s face showed the vulnerability you would only see at the comfort of your or his house.

“You guys did everything you could have done today” became a ritual for the team to listen to a speech from their managers, a straightforward and honest one before the coach treated them to a meal. “Remember this frustration to get better, okay? I’m proud of all of you”

Little by little all the club members started to head home, except the third years - including you - that went to the school’s gym. You were quick to understand the reason why you were there: because you would leave the club to focus on college exams. That meant another cycle was coming to an end, and you were not ready for that.

You weren’t ready to hear Oikawa thanking his teammates for the past years they’ve been playing together. You weren’t ready to see them fall apart in tears. You weren’t ready to hold Iwaizumi as he cried his heart out, sobbing hard on the crook of your neck as you smoothed your hand up and down his back. 

Just like you, they were not ready to say goodbye to all of these.

It felt like yesterday when you worried about which school you three would attend after Kitagawa Daiichi. The silly tears you shared in front of your best friends could not compare to the waterfall you’re shedding at the information Hajime just shared with you, during a late-night phone call.

“I made to a college in America” 

The air left your lungs and you swore if you were standing, your legs would definitely give in. Your chest tightened as your feelings divided in being extremely happy and proud of your boyfriend, and being… lost. To say you grew accustomed with Iwaizumi’s constant presence in your life was an understatement, after more than 10 years, you have never pictured your future that wouldn’t have him by your side. 

“That’s amazing, babe! Oh my god” you exhaled mesmerized. “I’m so happy for you! I knew you’d make it”

“I still can’t believe it” he answered quietly, the following silence deafened you and that made you worry. It had never disturbed you how quiet sometimes your calls could get, but today it felt different. “Y/n, what about us, though?”

“Haji…” more silence. The truth was that you didn’t know, neither did Iwaizumi. Throughout the unstable mess that life is you and Hajime were the constant variable, just like in Maths. No matter how things changed, how the scenarios shifted, you two were always there for each other. But now… the only steady thing in your life wouldn’t be there anymore right next to you. “We should… think about what we want, yeah?”

“You’re right” Iwaizumi breathed slowly, letting what you said settle down inside his head. “I love you, Y/n”

“I love you too, Hajime” and with that, the call ended, leaving you to drown in the sea of your thoughts.

Ever since you were a kid, changes scared you. No monster under your bed or inside your wardrobe could beat the terrible villain that walks side to side with the changes of life. Guess a few fears stick with us for good, you thought laughing humorlessly. 

It was a fact that Iwaizumi would never cheat on you, his loyalty was marvelous ever since he was six years old. And you knew for sure he would move mountains just to talk to you for a few minutes, like you’d do to him. Carrying a long-distance relationship with Hajime would be challenging, but no impossible, because he was him and you were you. And you loved each other so damn much. 

You spent weeks thinking about it every night - because during the days your thoughts were 100% focused on the boy standing right next to you. Time would eventually pass by and the moment he would leave Japan to start college in America would arrive, and you won’t be able to do anything to stop or delay it. So, after debating with yourself, you have made your final decision. 

Graduation was filled with joy and the inevitable tears shared in your group of friends. The fellow volleyball club members were there to congratulate the now former third years, wishing them luck for their future paths. Surprisingly or not, you managed to keep your tears at bay - maybe because you ran out of them on the last night after having a bounding time with Oikawa, Hajime, Matsukawa and Hanamaki. 

In a month or so, Oikawa would fly to Argentina to pursue his professional career as a volleyball player, Iwaizumi would have his brand new start in America, Makki and Mattsun would stay in Miyagi; and you would leave to start your new cycle. A cycle without Tooru and Hajime. 

“Hey” your boyfriend tugged lightly at your hand, motioning you to go to another place, a quieter one. You two walked in silence until you'd reached the stairs that led to the club room, sitting on the step next to each other. “It’s over”

“We graduated” both of you laughed, thinking about it three years ago felt so far away, like this future would never come. Yet, here you were, ready to face the world. “We had a great time here, even dealing with Tooru’s annoying ass will be a fond memory”

“I can’t believe we are all parting ways like this” Hajime admitted quietly, however his tone was filled with nostalgia. “I feel like it was yesterday that Shittykawa smacked your face with a volleyball”

“I think it’s the only occasion I’m glad I got hurt” you admitted lightly. “Because of that day, we could spend many more together”

The silence hugged you two nicely, you rested your head against Hajime’s shoulder as he hugged you by your sides. You wanted to save the feeling of being so close to him in your memory, in a place where it would never fade away even after years. His smell of cologne that was his mark filled your nose and you let yourself be intoxicated by it. 

“I guess it’s the end” he said in a whisper, rubbing your shoulders in circle motions. After thinking for many nights, the decision of breaking up with Iwaizumi felt right - although extremely painful. “Sometimes I regret choosing America”

“Don’t start with this bullshit again, Iwaizumi!” you scolded him, creating enough space between you so you could face him. “It’s your future, for god’s sake!”

“But I want you to be part of it” his eyes were a bit shiny, just like on the day you brought up the decision of ending the relationship. A stray tear rolled down his cheek and you quickly cupped his face to dry it with your thumb, the boy responding to your touch by leaning closer to your palm.

“Hajime, we’ve been best friends ever since forever, way before we fell in love with each other… I love you so much - and I’ll probably always do - but I can’t find peace within myself knowing that I’m holding you back. We will remain best friends for life, you are my first love and will always be… so, if there’s a red string tied up around our pinkies” you wrapped the said finger around his much larger one, a gentle smile appearing on your not wet cheeks. “Let fate bring us back together, whether as friends or lovers”

The boy leaned down to capture your lips, your mostly likely last kiss before splitting for good. You could taste the salty tears you two shed, but nothing could top the amazing sensation that was being so close to Hajime. Nothing could top the sensation of love and being loved by Iwaizumi Hajime. 

You feared changes, the numerous cycles scared you ever since you were a kid. But it was fine now, that you understood that it was necessary, though not permanent. If you and Iwaizumi Hajime were meant to be, fate will do its work to bring you back to where your heart belongs.

[roseinaugust]

Like an Old Enemy

Chapter Four: Maybe I Don’t Want You to Die

Summary: Miraculous Enemies AU. Gabriel Agreste has the Black Cat Miraculous in his possession, so when his wife, Emilie, "disappears," he sends his son, Adrien, undercover to pose as Ladybug's partner. Two years later, the once famous duo are sworn enemies. Marinette might have loved Chat Noir once, but now she would stop at nothing to defeat him. Adrien will do whatever it takes to bring his mother back. Best friends in their civilian lives, Adrien and Marinette find obstacles and complications when they can no longer deny their love for each other. But will they be able to understand and forgive the mistakes of their past? Or will they be doomed to end as bitter rivals a second time?

Rated: T

Pairings: Ladybug/Chat Noir Enemies, Adrien Agreste/Marinette Dupain-Cheng Mutual Pining

Word Count: 5,356

Read on: ao3

A/N: I am only posting part of this chapter on tumblr so please read the rest on ao3!

Something didn’t sit right with Adrien. 

Adrien had been racking his brain all week trying to figure out this mystery boy’s identity. He knew he should leave it alone. If Marinette didn’t want to tell him, that was her decision. But still, something was off. He could have worn a hole through the carpet of his bedroom from the amount of pacing he did that week. Marinette had never spoken of this boy who broke her heart before. He tried to find any moment that could be explained by this revelation. 

There wasn’t one. 

It’s not like Adrien thought she was lying—he saw her face when she told him, that was emotion you cannot fake—but he did think Marinette was better at hiding things than he thought. And with that, came a suspicion that he fiercely wanted to ignore. 

The idea furrowed into his brain, under his skin, an irritation that once recognized could not be left alone. He was going to go insane if he didn’t figure it out. All week, Adrien acted jittery around her, stared for too long, tripped over his words. She didn’t seem to notice his strange behavior, but if he was correct, she could easily be hiding her true thoughts. Others did notice, though. 

“Okay, what is going between you and Marinette?” It was not uncommon for Nino to start a phone call with this type of greeting. 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Adrien denied, slumping into his computer chair. With his phone pressed to his ear, Adrien could hear the static of Nino’s silence, forcing a confession out of him. “Okay, fine.” It didn’t take long for Nino’s silence to convince him—he actually felt a guilty sense of relief to be able to ask Nino about it. “But this stays completely between us. You can’t tell Alya.” Nino had a habit of telling his girlfriend everything. If Adrien didn’t clarify that ‘tell no one’ included his friend’s girlfriend, Alya would know in a few seconds flat—which meant that Marinette would know too. 

“Got it, dude. Now what’s up?” 

Adrien sighed, unsure of how to phrase his question. Marinette had told him, but that didn’t mean that she wanted Nino to know. It was still her secret to share or withhold and Adrien wouldn’t expose her like that. “Marinette told me something, and I just haven’t been able to stop thinking about it. You’ve known her longer than I have. Has she…Was there anyone she dated or liked before I started school?” 

“She didn’t have a boyfriend, and as far as I know she didn’t like anyone,” Adrien sighed, he didn’t know what kind of answer he was expecting but this didn’t help. 

“Okay, tha—” 

“Except for her crush on Chat Noir.” Nino interrupted, laughing slightly. Adrien’s phone slipped from his hand. He scrambled for it, bringing it back to his ear. 

“Sorry! I dropped my phone. What did you say?” Please let this be a mistake.

“Just that Marinette had a celebrity crush on Chat Noir. She’s like his biggest fan—well, she was until he turned all evil. She was devastated after Ladybug announced he was working with Hawkmoth. But that’s probably not what you were looking for, right?” 

He was silent, there was no more denying it. His mind spiraled down the long winding path of half-baked suspicions and coincidences until he landed in the deep center—no longer able to run or hide from the fact staring back at him: Marinette was Ladybug. 

“Hello? Adrien, are you still there?” Nino’s voice brought him back to his body. 

“What? Oh yeah, sorry. My father was talking to me about a photoshoot. I gotta go, Nino.” He hung up before his friend could say anymore. 

The final puzzle piece clicked into place, allowing him to see the entire picture and it was her. It was always her. Marinette was Ladybug. She had to be. It was the only thing that made sense. A montage of memories flashed through his mind, connecting the link between them. The gum incident, her disappearance during akuma attacks, the hatred in her eyes during her date with Evillustrator—they all could be explained with the simple fact that Marinette was Ladybug. 

Because Marinette didn’t have a celebrity crush on Chat Noir. She had been in love with him. And he had obliterated her trust. Adrien reeled from the revelation that he had not only hurt Ladybug, but also Marinette. He tried to preserve his friendship with Marinette without realizing that he had already sabotaged the foundation. The cycle of destruction never rested and he had been foolish to believe Marinette was exempt. He wrecked it before their friendship had even begun. 

Why hadn’t he seen it before? In retrospect it seemed obvious. Of course the only two people he ever felt comfortable with were the same person. Of course he had fallen in love with her twice. He had been at Françoise-Dupont for a year and had no solid leads on Ladybug’s identity until now. He was beginning to think he was wrong about his assumption that Ladybug attended that school. He considered every girl there, with no evidence to suggest they were Ladybug—except Marinette. He never investigated her. Why? Maybe he always knew, subconsciously refused to look into her because he knew what he was going to find. Adrien covered his face with his hands. 

The idea repeated inside his head incessantly. Marinette was Ladybug. Marinette was Ladybug. Marinette was Ladybug. Every time it sunk a little deeper into his soul, doubt faded with every echo. He would have to fight her. It was the only way to fix his mistake. But…would this be a mistake too? To intentionally hurt the person he cared about most to correct the ruin he caused? Could more destruction ever repair the damage?

Adrien removed his hands from his face and looked up at his computer. The glowing screen portrayed a picture of Adrien and his mother sitting together, twin smiles plain on their faces. His heart ached to see her smile again—to see her again. 

He didn’t know the right answer to his dilemma, but he knew one thing: his suspicion—no matter how strongly he believed it to be true—was not enough to jeopardize his friendship with Marinette. He needed unambiguous proof, and he knew exactly how to get it. 

A/N: Reminder that this is only part of the chapter so read the rest here

[lamiasluck]

Memento Mori, Please

(Less than two weeks left of unus annus and I wanted to celebrate the channel as a whole with a fic! I loved every moment of the channel and the community that was made around it :’) Beautiful stuff)

Unus and Annus’ moments are nearly up. They’re spending their remaining time in each other’s company to reflect. A year came and passed within a blink of an eye. So, have they used their time correctly? Have you?

@emptynarration @alvie-ashgrove @juju-on-that-yeet @m4delin @lildevyl @shy-marker-pliers @verse2wo @ferociousfangirlofmanyfandoms

-

The steady ticking of the clock had become a white noise at this point. Unus and Annus had a choice way to spend their final moments. Instead of being chaotic or doing some ridiculous stunt, they talked over some tea next to a fireplace. Their set up was simple and quaint, save for the hefty hourglass that sat in the middle of the table, something that always haunted the pair.

Annus set down his mug, adjusting his suit and staring at Unus with a curious look. “You keep staring at that thing,” he started, gesturing to the hourglass. “It’s not going to slow down.”

Unus huffed out a quiet laugh. “No, no, I’m not trying to stop it. I’m just thinking to myself.” He took a long sip of his tea, eventually tearing his gaze from it. 

“You better think quickly. We don’t have much time left,” he joked. 

There wasn’t much sand left in the hourglass. It steadily ran down to the bottom, never faltering and impossible to stop. They had long since accepted that fact. Perhaps they accepted it as soon as they came into existence, or they fought in their early moments to try to stop the inevitable. That was a secret that would die with them. 

It was hypnotizing image to look at. It made no sound, honestly, it could be forgotten in the background if one didn’t think about it. But as the grey sand slid down, it was easy to get lost in the image and forget everything else in existence. Many made that mistake, but not them. Never them.

It was silent for a moment. Some would wonder if they were wasting their time being so casual like this, but only they could control how they spent their final moments. And right now, they were having a lovely time in each other’s company. 

“Should we have done something else with our time?” Unus asked. His expression wasn’t harsh, rather calm and curious for the answer.

Annus shrugged. “Does it really matter? We can’t change it.” He smiled as Unus rolled his eyes. A content sigh left him as he thought more seriously about the question. “No, I think we did what could. I wouldn’t change anything.”

“We didn’t waste a single second.”

Annus nodded. “Exactly.” 

They could always have a mutual agreement to their beliefs, but it was nice to heard it. They wouldn’t have made it this far if they conflicted, after all. 

“We’ve ‘died’ so much in our adventures, over and over in what seemed like an endless cycle.” Annus folded his hands on his lap, fondly shaking his head. “I think it will be nice to finally get our well deserved rest.” At least it was fun. All their hard work paid off and blossomed into a great legacy. 

“Do you think they will remember us?”

“Everyone will remember bits and pieces of us. A different version of ‘us’ will be with each of them.” Remembering an entire year, day by day, perfectly seemed like a near impossible task. Best to pick and choose any favourite moments and stick with those. Annus wished he could see how people remembered him, but alas. 

“Hopefully it’ll be the good versions of ‘us,’” Unus hummed in thought. Well, not like he could control that. 

“Well, there will be choice decisions,” Annus snickered, “but we made choice actions.” Very infamous decisions. 

To be apart in a once and a lifetime event like this, it must’ve felt touching to some. This was a bittersweet feeling to watch it go, but having it go was a part of the charm in the first place. Like some exclusive club. All those feelings of happiness, disgust, fatigue, pride, etc. At least they got to happen in the first place. 

To rage against the dying of the light was to take their passing with pride. Never faltering, just like the ever ticking presence of the clock. They could mourn in their own ways, but would never try to stop the clock and it’s comforting white noise. Why try to stop the impossible? They wouldn’t have the same charm if they clung onto a concept that had an expiration. It could leave a sour taste in the mouth. 

“Any more questions? Or would you like some more tea?” Annus went to refill his mug, noticing at how the hourglass was nearly done. Why, he could try to count the individual grains if he wanted, but there was no point in wasting the time. 

Unus shook his head. “No to the tea, but…” he noticed the hourglass too, shaking his head and deciding to focus on his friend instead, “are you ready?” 

The air became tense. Annus tore his gaze from the hourglass, bringing the mug to his lips. What would it be like to simply not exist anymore? He wouldn’t be able to feel a hot drink against his lips, hear the ticking of the clock, or see how serious Unus was being. There would be nothing. “I suppose it doesn’t matter if I’m ready. I’m lucky enough to know when I’ll go.” He set the mug down, probably for the last time given what they had now. “I think I am, though. I’ve done what I could. We’ve done what we could.”

It was quite the year, but they all made the best of it and cherished what they had. Unus and Annus had learned a lot with their time. They could only hope they taught people those same lessons. “They’ll miss us a lot.”

“With mourning comes yearning, Unus. They’ll learn to accept it. Each at their own pace and coping methods.” And each of them were valid in their ways. “It just shows that they love us.”

Unus nodded, a sad smile on his face. “I’ll miss them too.” 

There was so much to say, but so little time to say it. What mattered was that they shared the same sentiment, the same heart. It didn’t matter if they had more to say. If they were able to continue, heavens knew that they would keep going on and on until they got bored. And that ending wouldn’t be satisfying. Unus stood up, motioning for Annus to do the same. He opened his arms in a silent invitation. 

“Do I have to?” Annus joked. Still, he stepped closer. 

“You’ll have no other opportunity.” Unus closed the gap and embraced his best friend in a comforting hug. 

Annus, even with his teases, hugged back gladly with a small smile.  Neither wanted to look at the hourglass. The grains fell slowly, with only a few left to cherish. They knew it was time. 

“Memento Mori,” Unus muttered a familiar phrase. His grip tightened around his friend as he took a deep breath. “Unus…”

“Annus.” He relaxed greatly into the hold, closing his eyes to finally be at peace. 

They didn’t get to finish their tea, like they didn’t get to finish a lot of things, but they were content to spend their last moments in each other’s arms. They disappeared just as they started; to the steady ticking of the clock.

[petalsmooth]

Cole Sprouse earlier this year:

“To love one’s self while being in love,” he captioned the photo. “To seek a validation of your spirit in another, while honoring a confidence of self. To be true to one’s self in the sacrifice of compromise. A little Tuesday give and take.” 

This is probably the closest we’ll come, at least in immediate future, into Cole’s insight of what issues they were having. I can’t claim to know either of them really beyond what they choose to let people see or hear. I may have some suppositions but nothing confirmed. It doesn’t ever really matter because I have no right to know but in regards to this never ending drama from one parties part I’ll relate a few thoughts.

I have no means of verifying who broke up with whom, or if it was actually a “mutual” decision or one someone wanted more than the other did. I can just say if I were an outsider, which I am, and now knowing per Cole the final break came at some point in March (we don’t know when during that month) that based on Lili’s actions he likely took the lead on it. Based on inferences her mother made in DM’s/Lili’s own words I think it’s reasonable to assume there was the “feeling” that Cole “betrayed” her in some way. 

Given Cole’s brief released statement, and he is a smart man, he made a deliberate attempt to delineate when they were in a relationship and when they were not. He’s also made it clear he is not a cheater. My supposition? Cole knew of the rumors/allegations made via social grapevine. I don’t know if he has had any one night stands during the separation or since the final breakup but my guess is Lili at some point thought he did at very least hence her temperamental behavior. 

Now everyone has different feelings on sex. Some see it as physical release, some as an emotional bond, some as spiritual bonding, some as about procreation etc....I’m not here to get into what your views, theirs or mine are on it. It’s really no one’s business. I’d personally advise given the disparate views on the matter if you hold out any hope/wish of reuniting with someone that it may not be in your best interest to pursue that physical relationship with anyone until you fully resolve your intentions with someone else to avoid any messiness but it doesn’t make someone a cheat if they don’t.

At any point I think he released that information to 1) reinforce he was free to be with anyone (be it as a friend or something more) as not together and therefore no one had the right to judge or question that and 2) make it clear it was no one’s business/leave the people he spends time with alone.

Now what does this have to do with anything? I think Lili maybe held out hope of reconciliation and Cole’s appearance of moving on, whether did in any fashion or not, triggered her. I think in some ways they have very different views on these matters so the feeling of “betrayal”, the enhancement of bitter feelings, the need to put on a show that she is just fine without him that lasted a few weeks. The typical things women tend to do in breakups like leaning on her affection for her dog, spending more time in her personal gym in an effort to feel better about herself, self help books. Common things women do post break. I even think she may have cycled back briefly to thinking maybe they could still worked things out given shown may have misjudged earlier impressions hence reaching out to his friends/family more and other weird things that didn’t and still don’t make sense. Also think he firmly put that idea to bed with his statement and so we again get the spiraling in the recent interviews, recent attempts to find herself in spiritual fads and renewed bitterness.

And you know...most of this is fine by me if true. Except the interaction with the fans and the whole doxxing of Cole’s location TWICE, ....and the trying to hook young fans into getting scammed with this reiku business, She’s allowed to feel however she wants about a breakup especially if she didn’t initiate it. It usually stands to reason a person who initiates, while still may be mess themselves, may be further along in the acceptance of its end. I can even on some level understand it’s easier said than done to be a professional and get over having to portray a loving couple with your immediate ex. As upset as I am with her more so over this Barchie stance than anything with Cole (minus the doxxing), I get it. Kissing a guy for work you were intimate with who probably initiated the breakup, one you may not be over, it would be tough. I actually get it.

I don’t think they have to be best friends or she has to be fine with it. What I can’t get over is why it had to be public. Why the fans had to be dragged into this for 6 months. None of this public messiness ever had to occur. It could have been contained to just family, friends and co-workers. Even the social entertainment world has been largely muzzled on digging further. The only reason we have any insight to any of this is because she and her mother couldn’t keep their mouth shut. And in the end this is what *I* am bitter and disappointed in because foolish me I thought she was better than this.

As for Cole? If we ever do get further insight than that quote it’ll likely be when removed from his current environment and doubt will be a full fledged tell all. And I don’t by any means think he is perfect and issues were all owned by Lili. But that quote does suggest despite whatever self doubts she may have about herself it had nothing to do with how she looked or wanting someone else as some of her fans accused him of. Seems the issue from his perspective in at least some fashion had to with feeling he was compromising himself/his desires to make someone else happy and maybe in end not too happy himself. But, this is all, as always, no more and no less...my supposition and could be entirely wrong or partially (probably am) wrong.

[razorblade180]

The Real You pt6

[Warning, Parts 1-5 are really old. So their quality is eh...]

Love sucks, that’s the feeling our emotionally wrecked trio was having anyways. Each of them sat quietly while looking at an empty cake tray and devoured bowls of ice cream. They must’ve scarfed down enough sweets to make even Ruby sick, yet not even their slightly upset stomach could compare to the pain in their chest. Love sucked, but here they were, wishing for a way to grab a hold of it with both hands.

Yang sat on her couch all alone and stared at Jaune, who laid on her floor. His eyes fixated on the never ending weeping of the heavens outside. A fitting mood really. Yang still felt like letting her tears flow just a little bit. She couldn’t believe that she got cheated on, again. Technically this would be the first time but the series of events and feelings were scarily familiar to what happened with her partner that it was hard not to draw certain comparisons.

Jaune finally noticed her gaze and stared back. He could tell just from one look how much she was trying to keep herself together for everyone’s sake. He had no doubt that he had truly broken Yang’s heart and that in return made him feel utterly sick beyond belief. How could he do something so awful, sleeping with Neo? The feelings towards the girl in question only made it worse. It was one thing to give your body to someone else that you weren’t dating, but it was far worse when you were also emotionally invested. Jaune couldn’t bear to see the look of sorrow on her face. He’d turn away but Jaune Arc would not run from his mistakes. His lack of judgement got him into this so he would take all forms of punishment to show how much he ached from his decision. Yang Xiao Long deserved better.

Neo sat at the table, watching them both. The girl methodically fiddled with her empty spoon as she tried to deal with her guilt. Why was being a good person so hard? It wasn’t a foreign concept, not completely. Treat others the way you wanted to be treated, don’t let negative thoughts decide your actions, use your talents to better the world; Neo wasn’t sure that last one was possible. The girl pursued a man she loved for selfish reasons, knowing good will those moments of bliss would rot and decay in no time at all, poisoning the very person she wanted to impress.

“You’d think after all those sweets, the three of us would be on any sort of high right now?” Neo said, her head resting on her arms. She didn’t care what response they’d give her. Any words were better than silence. She knew that better than anyone. “Where do we go from here?”

“Dunno.” Yang said, “I can barely keep my own thoughts in order.”

“Share em. No use holding anything in, especially against me. I’ll take the punches, physically or verbally.”

“Okay then. I hate this, this...ache. I hate how much hurting you both are putting me through to the point I wanna scream.” Yang’s nails dug into the cushion beneath her. “Worst part of all? I hate how scared I am. It feels like I’m only a few more events away from living in this apartment with no one but my sister and possibly Weiss to visit me; when they aren’t too busy being in love. Just like…”

The blonde bruiser’s eyes shut tight. Tears managed to escape and her lip quivered fiercely. Seconds passed by before she opened her eyes and looked at her boyfriend. Was he still her boyfriend? She guessed that was to be determined later. Only one thing was at the forefront of her wary mind.

“I want to still be with you Jaune, I do. But for the life of me I can’t think of a way to even begin to go through this. Apologizing doesn’t cut it. Punishing or making some kind of deal with Neo to leave doesn’t fix anything either. I’m so furious but I hate the fact that letting you go is the last thing I want.” Yang clenched her chest tightly. It felt as if everything was pulling her apart and trying to keep her together all at once. “I love you so please, end this yourself.”

Jaune’s eyes widened in shock. “What?”

“You came over here so I can chew you out and break up right? Well if you want this to officially end then you’ll have to do it yourself because I’m dumb enough to still want you.”

“You aren’t dumb.” Neo spoke up, “And I’m the last person to be talking about being fair or discussing hypocrisy, but it’s close minded to think making Jaune shoulder that choice isn’t a form of punishment. Even a blind person could easily see that he loves you too; more than anything. More than anyone.”

It hurt but it was the truth. If it came down to it, Jaune would pick Yang in any situation and Neo would be left out to dry. His feelings for the petite girl are true, but that didn’t matter as long as he had Yang. Not that she could blame him.

“Honestly, I’m jealous of you Yang. Not just because you’re good, but because you are what I want to be. Maybe that’s why I could do what I did so easily? I was tired of feeling beneath you, the girl I wish I could be.”

Neo stood up from the table and looked at Yang’s tired red face before looking at Jaune and shaking her head. “Sorry, for wrecking what you have. We both know I’m terrible for you. If I could make a good guy like you cheat on someone like her then I’m clearly bad.”

“I’m not as good as you think. I would’ve pushed you away if I was.” Jaune sighed. This was going nowhere, fast. They were all about to keep looping this cycle of hating themselves. “Stop treating me like I’m perfect, I’m not.”

“Never said you were, it’s obvious to see though I’m making cracks in your demeanor that weren’t there before. Since I’ve already gone this far when it comes to being a shitty person, no reason for me to start considering the requests both of you have. I’m gonna do what I want, leave.”

Yang let out a groan of irritation. “Neo-”

“You have no intention to stop loving him so what other option could there possibly be? Correct me if I’m wrong but you’re not the type to share, are you?” It was faint but Neo was sure Yang could hear it, the little plea that had escaped in her voice. Neo would love nothing more than to be wrong right now. She wasn’t entirely sure of Yang’s past relationship but it had obviously done a number on the girl.

Yang could hear that twinge of hope in Neo’s voice. She could even see the twinkle in her eye. Neo was practically begging for a life line, a reason to believe that she didn’t have to commit to her claim of walking away. Sadly, Yang could only stare, and Jaune knew exactly why such a question was risky to ask.

“Sorry, I can’t say that I am. That situation is...it burned me before.” Yang said, resisting the painful memories that tried to surface.

Neo’s face went pale. Well, that was it. Her final possible tether to the life and person she wanted to be with, severed in no time flat. She did her best to sound indifferent about it.

“Oh, I see. I...wasn’t aware that there were some rough patches in that subject. Then I guess… I guess there’s nothing left to do. Jaune…”

“Neo…” He knew better than to try to change her mind or make this tougher than it already was. He didn’t have an answer for all three of them after all. It would’ve been selfish and inconsiderate to speak as if he did. Even saying goodbye felt way too...inappropriate, in a way.

Neo put on the fakest smile both Jaune and Yang had ever seen in their life. “Thanks for believing in me, both of you. Even though I flopped the moment I tried to change. It was nice, having someone take the chance anyways.”

With her feelings in the open, Neo turned towards the door and grabbed the knob. Her hand stayed on that knob, her fingers refusing to grab it as her entire body trembled. She knew they could hear her sniffle. Neo knew that she was taking entirely too long, but even with nothing left to say, leaving felt so painful. She took one final breath and then found the will to step out of the apartment, the sound of her footsteps sprinting the moment the door closed behind her.

Yang found no joy in seeing her leave, only more ache. She turned to Jaune who was still staring at the door, his eyes filled with a new kind of sorrow.

“If you’re wondering what things would’ve been like if I had been the one to pick, I would’ve chosen you. Don’t think for a second I’d willingly walk out of your life.” Jaune said, tearing up. “Even so, I would’ve felt terrible leaving Neo’s life. This might sound a little egotistical, but I can’t see her bouncing back from this. Not alone. Not without us.”

“Us?”

“I may have given her the dream of changing, but you were clearly the goal post.”

“Don’t put that on me.” Yang said weakly, “What would’ve happened if she did change? She would still love you, and I would still be worried about losing you.”

Jaune bit his bottom lip out of anxiety. Of course none of them were able to find a solution, they all had baggage and walls that they tried their best not to hit. Jaune was wary, but that might’ve been the problem. Neo never pulled her punches and this day had already been the absolute worst, so why not keep pushing? That’s the thing about baggage, you gotta unpack it eventually. Jaune only wished that it wouldn’t come back to bite him.

“I’m not Blake…”

Yang’s head jolted up. Jaune didn’t need to look at her to know Yang was staring at him with scarlet eyes that felt like they were burning a whole into the side of his face.

“Don’t say her name.”

“Why? It’s not like you haven’t been thinking about what happened with her this entire time. Yang you won’t lose m-”

“YOU DON’T THINK SHE DIDN’T SAY THE SAME THING!?” Yang said, screaming as she stood up in frustrated anger. Jaune had struck a nerve he knew was still very much was like an open wound. He finally looked at the girl, she had his undivided attention.

“You don’t believe that she didn’t reassure me that I had nothing to worry about!? That’s how it starts. They ease your fears, tell you that things are mutual, that feelings are equal; that’s not how that works! No matter how much attention she gave me, it was obvious her mind was on Sun. The looks, the talk, the stories, so I do what anybody would do and confront her about it. We talked and we talked and we talked and we talked until finally I believed that things could work out. Sharing wouldn’t be so hard if everyone really is on the same page right? All three people give the same amount they gain right!? Well that’s not how it works!!! It felt like I was fighting to find a reason to even be around them. Slowly but surely, a wall was being built but bringing up the dynamic again after so many discussions just got so…I was tired Jaune. Her words felt so rehearsed, so lifeless. Up until we have one more discussion because I just don’t think we’ve gotten it right yet. That’s when her words sounded true. When she looked at me and said ‘I can’t do this anymore’ and I knew instantly I was out of the picture. Blake had chose Sun over me a long time ago, I was just stupid enough to ignore the signs! So tell me Jaune, how the hell would this end up any different!? How could you look at me and say you won’t need me around anymore!?”

Yang’s chest rose up and down heavily as she tried to breathe. She refused to be slowly pushed out again, to have her feelings subtly get abandoned for another. She watched Jaune stare at her, his face expression giving off nothing but sorrow, or was it pity?

“Well!?” Yang sniffled, “Say something for fucks sake!”

Jaune walked closer to her. Close enough reach out and wipe the numerous tears that riddled her face. “Because my love for you isn’t fragile.”

He said nothing else. Jaune left her speechless for a moment while he walked towards the door and opened it, scaring her a little.

“Jaune what are-”

“I think a little space right now to think about today is needed. I need that space, but I will come back. Don’t ever doubt that.” Jaune opened the door. “I messed up today, I know that. But don’t you ever doubt my love for you. I swear it never runs low.”

Yang said nothing. She simply watched him close the door. The girl fell back onto her couch, she had to be minutes away from vomiting. Jaune was right about one thing, she did need some space from this situation. As well as some perspective. Yang dialed her scroll and practically begged for her sister to pick up. Thankfully, she did.

“Hey sis, what’s going on?” The cheerfulness of Ruby’s voice felt like the one sunlight on this gray day.

“Hey Ruby. Y..You free to talk?”

“Always, what’s up? You sound stuffy.”

“Oh you know…Jaune cheated on me today.”

Part 5

[p-and-p-admin]

Interview given to The Severus Snape and Hermione Granger Shipping Fan Group.

https://www.facebook.com/groups/199718373383293/

Hello CorvusDraconis and welcome to Behind the Quill, thank-you so much for sitting down with us to chat.

You’re a well known and beloved figure in the SS/HG community for your many stories - including a personal favourite of mine, A chance for happiness.

Okay, let’s jump right in. What's the story behind your pen name? 

I have always had a fascination for the shiny things and the Northwest Coast depictions of Raven the Trickster/Creator, and, I tend to hoard (and get super protective) of my art supplies. Corvids have always been a positive sign in my life. They tend to show up when I’m feeling down and engage in funny antics in the yard. As for dragons, I’ve always had a love for them and think the Western depiction of them as dangerous beasts with no mind but for hoarding treasure and killing people only to be slain by a knight quite despicable. 

Which Harry Potter character do you identify with the most?

Severus, actually. I see a lot of my life in his. Hardships, challenges, bullying— trying to be something better and later wondering about unwise decisions. I have a very similar dislike for dunderheads, but I do not share his inclination to denude rosebushes of their petals. Do you have a favourite genre to read? (not in fic, just in general) I have always preferred fantasy and sci-fi. 

Do you have a favourite "classic" novel?

I am not sure if you would call it a classic novel, but grew up on all things Tolkien (and even puzzled through the Silmarillion at the grand age of seven), and have a special place in my heart for Watership Down. While I’ve read pieces like War and Peace, Iliad, Ulysses, Pride and Prejudice, Grapes of Wrath, Moby Dick, Great Gatsby, Little Women, Catcher in the Rye, Tom Sawyer/Huckleberry Finn, Scarlet Letter, Don Quixote, To Kill a Mockingbird, Animal Farm, Jane Eyre, Lord of the Flies, Tale of Two Cities, Heart of Darkness, Robinson Crusoe, Alice in Wonderland, Great Expectations, Odyssey, Frankenstein, Dracula, Crime and Punishment, Heart of Darkness, Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde, The Secret Garden, Treasure Island, Anne of Green Gables, Les Misérables, Peter Pan, Gulliver’s Travels, all things Jack London, 20000 Leagues, etc.— they never captured me as aptly as Anne McCaffery’s Dragonriders of Pern or Mercedes Lackley’s the Last Herald Mage. Though, if I were to pick classic stories I read more than once (litmus test for things I like) it would be things such as The Secret Garden, Call of the Wild, Wild Fang, The Hobbit, The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe,  and The Last Unicorn. At what age did you start writing? The moment I could pick up pencil and paper, I was writing. I had notepads full of stories I wrote as a kid. Alas, my dad found them one day when I was off to college, made fun of them, and I came home and burned every single one in mortification.

How did you get into writing fanfiction?

The moment TV shows did “stupid things” to their characters. I used to write things about Beauty and the Beast (the old CBS show) when they killed off the main character, Knight Rider, Robocop, Transformers— there are probably far more that I just don’t remember now. I was writing it long before there was a fanfiction dot net or a term to even call it. What's the best theme you've ever come across in a fic? Is it a theme represented in your own works? I am a shameless romantic for the beauty within and sometimes the quite literal love for a monster (not just some person who acts like a monster and changes into a better person.) The misunderstood monster is perhaps my most favourite theme, and it shows up in my stories often if not always. What fandoms are you involved in other than Harry Potter? I ship SessKag from Inuyasha, Lucard/Sophie from Dracula: The Series, and Loki/Hermione when I’m feeling crossover-y. If you could make one change to canon, what would it be? Do you have a favourite piece of fanon? Other than my favourite fanon that Severus lives/survives/finds a better life free of two masters and his guilt, I would say I would want Harry to wise the heck up and realise his father was a swine, his godfather was an almost successful murderer that used his own best mate to try and kill off another student, and his mother wasn’t all that hot either. I would want him to find value in himself without having to make stuff up about his “perfect” parents. Then again, I would want Vernon/Petunia to be arrested for child abuse and put in gaol, but— then the story would have been very different XD Do you listen to music when you write or do you prefer quiet?  Sometimes quiet, sometimes music. But usually, I am best mates with Spotify.

What are your favourite fanfictions of all time?

In the HP universe: I honestly don’t read many of them because I’m always writing my own stuff XD, but when I really feel like I need a good Ron bashing SSHG HEA, I read just about anything by IShouldBeWritingSomethingElse. However, that being said, I often return to “The Sun is Often Out” by Hannah-1888 for just the right amount of angst and HEA to make me happy.

In the Inuyasha universe: A Trick of Fate by PristinelyUngifted

In the Marvel universe:  Mutual Respect Sends His Regrets by moor

In the Star Trek universe:  Gratified By Your Company by starfleetdream

Are you a plotter or a pantser? How does that affect your writing process?

I go by the seat of my feathered rump, to be honest. Inspiration is a fickle, unpredictable beast, and I usually don’t know what is going to happen until it does.

What is your writing genre of choice?

Fantasy

Which of your stories are you most proud of? Why?

Chance of Happiness because it was my very first publication. It may not have been my best, but it was my first, and it very well could have been my last yet somehow wasn’t.

Looks Can Be Deceiving and One Step Forward, Two Decades Back are two epic tales that seemed to demand being written. The fact I finished them was something I think deserves a little pride.

Did it unfold as you imagined it or did you find the unexpected cropped up as you wrote? What did you learn from writing it?

Looks started off with me attempted to write Dramione just once. It failed. Draco demanded to be her brother of the heart, Viktor came in and said “nope she’s mine,” and no one was more surprised at the outcome of that story than me. The characters did what THEY wanted.

I learned that trying to plan a story from start to finish is useless when the characters decide what they want. The story demanded more, and I was just a conduit that typed it down. For me, at least, attempting to outline and plan is utterly useless

How personal is the story to you, and do you think that made it harder or easier to write?

I think every story I write is personal in some way. The inspiration comes from somewhere inside, and I often have no idea what it is until I go back and read it later. I think the story wrote itself in a lot of ways, which made it easier in a way, but there are a lot of things I can’t say were from personal experience because as a high fantasy of talking gryphons and such I can only imagine it. There is no basis in real life on how any of that would go down. There is a freedom in that but also many challenges in making it real enough to identify with despite how alien and fantastic the idea is.

What books or authors have influenced you? How do you think that shows in your writing?

Dragonriders of Pern introduced sentient dragons and the idea that despite a vast difference in species there could be teamwork and love between the two as they teamed up against a greater threat.

The herald-mage books by Mercedes Lackley were also important staples in my childhood because it impressed the values of responsibility despite having powers others did not, and that people were fallible despite greatness and potential.

Gandalara Cycle by Randall Garrett and Vicki Ann Heydron: I cannot tell you how often I read this story. I had dog ears on these novels because there was so much I loved about them. It was a search for humanity when displaced in a seemingly alien world, societal clashes, and the great sha’um (the giant rideable cats) that were the main characters’ partners for life.  

 The Enchanted Forest Chronicles by Patricia C Wrede: A princess rebels against her arranged marriage by running away to be a dragon princess.

All of these books had creatures in it that chose to partner with a human and be with them for life, not as lovers that you find in the more modern supernatural romance blender out there, but the ultimate friend for life— the family you choose.

Do people in your everyday life know you write fanfiction?

Oh heck no. Hah. They have their secrets, and I have mine. Personally, I think mine are more healthy than theirs.

How true for you is the notion of "writing for yourself"? 

Very.

I write for myself. Sometimes I’ll write a story for one of my betas or a sshg friend, but for the most part, I write for my own entertainment because nothing like what I write is out there. There is a lot of SSHG out there, but mine is almost always a creature feature story. I blame X-Files growing up. It tickles me that others enjoy my stories, but in the end I write to get things down and out of my head. They just so happen to entertain others as they do me.

How important is it for you to interact with your audience? How do you engage with them? Just at the point of publishing? Through social media?

I will often engage in A/N talk at the end of chapters, but I really don’t engage in the fandom. I loathe social media. That being said, I read every review, and while I don’t reply to everything because FF dot net is a horrible platform for messaging anymore (or ever was really)-- I appreciate every single one. Sometimes it helps to know people are enjoying the story for the story’s sake.

What is the best advice you've received about writing?

Get a beta, even if you are pretty good at writing. Get one because a second pair of eyes will catch things you don’t. Read your own stuff out loud. If you trip over it, your audience will too. If you stumble, so will they.

Get a beta who isn’t afraid to tell you that your shite stinks in places and you make no sense. You may want a cheerleader, but what you need is a beta. If you are super lucky, you can have both at once.

What do you do when you hit writer's block?

I play computer games and sew things. I’ve sewn a lot of things lately. Scrub caps and masks for work— 

There has been a lot of writer’s block lately due to the times, and I will not write when I’m uninspired. I will not force inspiration. That’s not fair to me or those unfortunate enough to share in the reading. I want to be able to go back on a story I wrote and enjoy it and not curse at myself. XD

Has anything in real life trickled down into your writing?

Sometimes certain catch phrases and things from real life friends have trickled in as a sort of Easter egg (unbeknownst to them since I don’t tell them I write fanfic). Sometimes random news stories or whatnot find their way in. Lessons of the day. Random events. Things that are too odd not to stick in my brain somehow. I can’t say I always do it on purpose, though.

Do you have any stories in the works? Can you give us a teaser?

No, I have a goal this year to finish off the unfinished stories. This is made harder because Dragon and the Rose keeps adding more and more bunnies into the idea bin, and my brain wants to run with them, but I’m like NO DANGIT, I HAVE STUFF TO FINISH STILL!  It’s a hard thing trying to finish what you start when so much interesting stuff pops up and waves at you like “heeeeeyyyyy I’m cool too!”

Any words of encouragement to other writers?

Keep writing but remember you can always be better. You can always improve.  Writing isn’t a popularity contest. It isn’t about how many reviews you get or how many fans you may or may not have. Write because you want to write. Write what you like not what other people like. Write for you because in the end, you are the one who goes back to read it and say “I wrote this story, and I still love it” instead of forcing yourself to write something just because the topic is “popular” and gets a lot of visitors. Write something you’ll be proud to go back and read and enjoy. You’ll find when you write something genuinely, readers will come. And if only one person leaves you a paragraph review on how much your story meant to them out of someone else’s hundreds of  “great!” (with nothing else)-- think of what you value more.

If my story helped someone through a dark time.

Just one person—

Then it was a good effort.

Maybe that person didn’t have the bravery to leave a message. Maybe they are ashamed. Maybe they send you a PM instead of a review.

That is, to me, the ultimate reason why I realised that despite writing stories for myself that there are people out there that needed to hear my story at just the right time in their life. If my story can bring a little joy to someone else, then it doesn’t matter how many reviews I have. It doesn’t matter that I don’t have thousands of reviews like “that other author.” What matters is that I told my story; someone out there read it and it spoke to them.

I love hearing from people and what they liked about my stories, but I also am glad that there are some people out there who secretly like my stories but do not feel safe enough to review.

So, I would say to the aspiring author: write for yourself but share it. You never know whose day you will make with your story. They may never tell you. They may tell you years later (happened to me!). There is a good chance that someone out there needs your story as much as you need to write it. That being said, find yourself a beta to share your journey with you. You may find a few friend in the process.

Thanks so much for giving us your time.

You are quite welcome.

[itsybitsylemonsqueezy]

Hey, I’m here once again with the ranting (if you don’t mind)! I just finished playing Yakuza 5 and damn I have a lot of feels I want to share. When I was first introduced to the franchise, I thought that nothing could beat Zero for me, but here I am now, holding back my tears and thinking what a fine game 5 turned out to be! I really loved the bonds that characters formed along the way, it just felt so sincere and warm that my heart throbbed nearly at every dialogue Х) Like Saejima/Baba, Mirei/Haruka (and Akiyama too!), Shinada/Takasugi were absolutely delightful. And don’t get me started on the ending scene with Kiryu and his daughter. I fucking lost it there. So damn emotional and pure. And while I adore Zero for its majestic tragedy and fatalism, I also love the kind and inspiring atmosphere of 5. Of course, there were some flaws, like I didn’t find the main antagonist all that interesting (especially after Ryuji and Mine), but in the end I was ready to overlook it just because the heartwarming scenes between the characters were so well done. So yeah, for me it’s top tier along with Zero. What’s your personal opinion on the game (and your favorites in the series in general)?

Congrats! Oooooh, Game 5. I’ve got a lot of feels about Game 5 too ^^; It’s a real fav c: There’s an awful lot I love about it, but there’s one or two things that really stick in my craw. I’m not sure I could put it up with Zero, but it’s definitely a game I treasure c: 

I find it interesting that your interpret Zero as fatalistic and 5 as inspiring. Zero definitely has a lot of high-key tragedy, but I think the fact that we come through the other side, that Kiryu doesn’t go into the ground with Tachibana, that Majima decides that even though he could be happy with Makoto, it isn’t what he wants, I find that really powerful and even hopeful. Not inspiring perhaps, the choices we all make in that game are crushingly hard and frequently we’re punished for things that aren’t our fault. But seeing Kiryu confront his potential for the first time and, perhaps for the last time, deciding he’s not afraid of it, that this is a mantle he can carry and do good with, really does things for me. And I’ve gone on at length before about how we ought to read Majima’s choice at the end as not sacrificial, not denial, but rather a choice of identity. What stopped him from going with Makoto isn’t fear for what it would do to her (though certainly those protective instincts are still alive and well), but rather a... with nothing holding him back, he would still choose the life he started. He could leave it all right here but... there are things he wants to do, not has to do, wants to do. And he makes the choice to be yakuza, to be the Mad Dog, crucially, before he sees Kiryu. He could leave it all behind, but then he wouldn’t be himself. He wants to be yakuza. And he couldn’t do that if he was with her. I think that’s really cool and really life-affirming. 

Meanwhile 5... it’s hard for me to articulate what 5 is about because we have a bunch of different character arcs, some of which mesh quite nicely and some of which have nothing at all to do with each other. It’s probably best if I just break this down piece by piece ^^;

(spoilers follow for game 5 my little chili babies)

Kiryu’s arc, as I have articulated before, I fucking love in game 5. However, I do have my criticisms of it. In many ways, the conflict we’re facing in 5 is something that should have come up awhile back. But, even delayed, it is satisfying. It is satisfying to force Kiryu to confront his mistakes. It is satisfying to at least reach a turn on Kiryu, to have him decide that he wants to live and does feel worthy, even if it’s at the last possible second. Like, I interpret 5 as much more fatalistic because Kiryu’s dying in the snow in the middle of saying how he wants to come home to his daughter. Like... he may have finally gotten his revelation, but he was already in the middle of repeating the cycle. What would have been truly satisfying was to force him to live, to insist that he grow up and learn how to live with people because dying won’t fix it. This is a problem we’ve had since the beginning and have never really addressed. This was our chance to address it and it breaks my heart that game 5 comes so close and was going the right direction, but doesn’t quite give us that resolution that Kiryu’s going to continue his relationships and be okay now, that he isn’t going to back out this time. And if the creators had been brave they would have ended the fucking series here with that resolution. That’s SO OBVIOUSLY the main conflict in Kiryu’s plot and here, at last, we were finally fucking dealing with it and this SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE END. THIS WAS IT. THE ACTUAL FUCKING END, I- *breathes* Let me not derail this entire thing with game 6. Let’s just... never talk about game 6. 

That said... one of the things I ADORE about game 5 is this is the clearest sense of motivation we’ve had since Kiwami 1. For the first time in FUCKING FOREVER character choices made sense! HALLE-FUCKING-LUJAH. I CANNOT TELL YOU what it did to me that it was Majima that got Kiryu into the game. I cannot tell you the breath of life it gave me, after all this fucking BULLSHIT, that the game came FUCKING HOME on the most important person to Kiryu is Majima. Daigo needs help? Kiryu can’t help. Haruka needs her dad? Kiryu can’t help. These are both mistakes, don’t get me wrong! Absolutely terrible decisions, but they make sense out of Kiryu’s depression, out of his fears and doubts and feelings of unworthiness, his guilt. He’s so caught up in “better off without me” and so scared and so guilty, he can’t answer people even when they ask for help. But Majima. He can’t turn away from. He hears Majima’s dead and Kiryu loses his goddamn mind. Because it’s his fault. Because he wasn’t there. Because he left him out there and now Majima’s dead. Kiryu asked him to do something and, for all Kiryu knows, Majima’s dead because of him. And... as much as Kiryu hates himself in this moment, as much as Kiryu is sure that it’s all his fault, he’s SO upset, he has to go help, he HAS to go fix it. Majima’s dead and with his last breath, Kiryu will make this fuckign right. He’s gotta try. Because Majima being dead is... unacceptable. He can’t handle it. I fucking love that. At long last, it felt like the same story I’d been watching from 1. At long fucking last, we got some fucking proof of Kiryu’s feelings. And for that alone, I love game 5. I’ve got some issues with it, but that was... vindication. Spent 3 games waffling and pretending we didn’t know him unless we’re literally in the same scene, but even Kiryu’s denial isn’t that strong. Majima’s dead and Kiryu can’t anymore. He’s gonna go there and, god help him, he’ll go into the ground with him. You look at that and tell me it was un-fucking-requited. 

On that note, I just gotta gush for a second about that scene where the girl is naked in Kiryu’s apartment and Kiryu just ???? He’s not even “no thank you” he’s like PAINED. Like... she hugs him and Kiryu looks like he’s being fucking tortured! That is not the reaction of someone with even an iota of attraction to feminine bodies! This gay icon! Like, if you’d done that to Majima he would have been like “You’re pretty, babe, but I am Emotionally Unavailable” like the bi icon he is, like... you may not take her up on it, but you can still appreciate her or at least turn her down gracefully. But Kiryu out here doing his best to touch her as little as humanly fucking possible like’ he’s TERRIFIED. That’s not someone being overly polite, that was “cannot conceive of being attracted to this.” Just... this gay fucking dad. Holy christ. 

Related GOTTA love Kiryu’s boss being “Hey, there’s a rumor going around that you’re gay! Any thoughts?” and Kiryu just “That Is A Thing People Ask Me” which is the EXACT RESPONSE of a queer person who doesn’t want to out themselves but also doesn’t want to lie. Game 5 fucking iconic for those 2 scenes alone, god bless. 

Moving away from Kiryu for a second, although this game is VERY about Kiryu’s story, let’s talk about Saejima! Saejima FINALLY gets to come into his own as a character, we get to handle him properly as a character and not as a crux in Majima’s character development. I love the marked differences in how Kiryu and Saejima respond to Majima and handle him. I love that they fucking NAILED motivation here. That Kiryu and Majima mutually code romantic, that they both make batshit decisions because of each other, in that way that you do when you’re madly in love with someone. Meanwhile, Saejima loves his brother but isn’t in love with him. Saejima’s relationship with Majima is stable and trusting. He’s not losing his mind over Majima’s death because he trust him and knows him. If he’s dead, Saejima trusts that Majima did all he could and it was just his time. That’s why he’s not losing his mind, he’s resolved. He just wants to know what happened. And it’s this stability that really tells us who Saejima is and how he functions as a protag. His strength is his trust in others, which at times IS naive, but it’s also what turns Baba. It’s what keeps Saejima strong when Kiryu’s falling apart. It’s so cool to see a character who isn’t paranoid, who isn’t tore up with guilt, in this series with very complicated leads. Saejima is functional and necessary because he isn’t any of those things. He doesn’t get swept up in big emotional turmoil. He cuts through a lot of foibles that would have tripped up his brother or Kiryu and it’s just really refreshing to see and exciting to experience Saejima’s brand of problem solving. He’s not terribly clever and he’s not subtle, but he’s honest and sure that counts for A LOT in this series. Gotta love Saejima. 

And, as I have gushed about before and will again, Baba. Baba. Saejima turning Baba hand me fucking ascending. Baba Known Whore Shigecki turning on a time because Saejima screams “Because we’re kyoudai!” I am LIVING. I love their relationship. I love that Baba’s a little shit. I love that he’s inexplicably a supermodel. I love that his constant vibe is “would like to choke til he cries on Saejima’s dick.” I love that Saejima has a gorgeous prison boyfriend. Well deserved! I love the idea of Baba getting integrated into the group. I need WAY more fic about him coming back to live with Saejima in Kamurocho and Saejima just has an ex-assassin boyfriend now and we all get to live with that. Ugggghhhh, bless. So good. No notes, no criticisms, just good.

Haruka was LONG overdue to be a protag, I’m so glad this game did it. But... pop idol? The thing she explicitly said in Kiwami 2 she didn’t want to be? *siiiigh* Like, I get that she can change her mind as she grows up and that that’s the Thing You Do with Japanese teenage girls, but... Imagine Martial Artist Haruka! Raised by the yakuza, surrounded her whole life by people with incredible fighting skills, who would gladly teach her self-defense. Imagine! Or even training her to become a yakuza! My wife and I joke about Seventh Chairman Sawamura Haruka, but imagine how satisfying that would have been! A whole Tojo dynasty of Kiryu’s kids! She’s so ripe for it! And I know the yakuza is a male-only organization but... c’mon, this is fiction and sexism is boring. I guess I can understand the creators unwillingness to depict violence against women, even if it’s being perpetrated by other women but uh... *eye twitch* game 5 is maybe not the BEST example of their... respecting women... 

*screams into a pillow for several minutes* *breathes* *screams for another fifteen minutes* Okay... I uh... I um... can’t talk about Mirei Park without having an aneurysm. PLEASE skip this bullet point if you don’t want to read Mirei Hate. I just... I Hate Everything About Her And I Don’t Know Why She Fucking Exists. I don’t want to rain on anyone’s parade and if you like Mirei, y’all welcome to feel how you feel but... she is the only thing I truly Hate about game 5. I just... leaving aside my personal feelings about the... Majima part of her story which we just... Won’t talk about... Leaving that aside... I don’t know why she’s here? She’s the person who convinces Kiryu to leave his children. She’s predatory, she took advantage of a vulnerable young girl to live out some personal dream? Like, sure, economic opportunity, independence, but we don’t get a lot of motive from Haruka that it IS her dream to be a pop idol. She has said in the past that’s not what she wants, she makes mention of doing this for the money to support her family, Mirei LITERALLY SAYS she wants Haruka to do the things she couldn’t, and ultimately Haruka asides not to do this anyway because she’d ratehr be home with her dad! So what was the FUCKING POINT of Mirei Park? Is she a villain? Is she sympathetic? What the fuck was I supposed to take from her? How the fuck am I supposed to read her? She tells this TRAUMATIC story off-hand to Haruka to... justify her decisions? Motivate Haruka? Dragging in another long-term character for no good reason and reframing how we have to think about said character. But then THIS NEVER COMES UP AGAIN. The information wasn’t even important! It’s just traumatic! If it was supposed to keep Haruka doing the pop idol thing, it didn’t work! Haruka still leaves! If this was meant to deepen our relationship to Mirei or complicate her or whatever, IT DOESN’T, SHE WAS LITERALLY DEAD THE NEXT SCENE. I just... WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED HERE?! What even the fuck was I supposed to do with any of this?! Leaving ASIDE my VERY intense feelings about what this did for Majima (for the sake of not going ogg Even More than I already am, I just won’t talk abotu it here), I just have no goddamn clue what the point of Mirei even was. She’s not useful to Haruka’s arc and she only serves in Kiryu’s arc to be a villain. We could have had Haruka leave home and decide in the end that Kiryu’s her dad and that’s where she wants to be a MILLION different ways, we could have done that MUCH more kindly and consistently with the rest of her character and values, but we don’t! We have this shitmess instead!

I’m really really sorry to anyone reading this who likes Mirei. You don’t have to agree with me! And I’m not trying to make you feel bad! I’m not trying to tell people how they should feel or what they should get out of the story. If you got something out of her, you related to her, you found her part in the story meaningful, that’s great! I’m genuinely glad that you did. I... didn’t. I have a lot of negative opinions about what happened. Usually I try to just not talk about it because I don’t want to ruin someone’s good time. I’m not here trying to start shit. So I apologize for my tone and I did try to put a warning before it and recommend it be skipped if it’s the sort of thing that would offend you. My Mirei rant is over now, I won’t talk about it again.

I have absolutely no idea why Akiyama is in this story, tbh? He contributed very little, but I’m glad Haruka got to hang out with someone cool and that one of her uncles was here watching out for her, since Majima was “dead” and Kiryu was in the middle of a personal crisis ^^; I love Akiyama, always happy to see him, but he really had nothing to do here ^^; I was sad for no Hana though 8C Wherever there is Akiyama, there must also be Hana!

Shinada... is adorable and actively injured the plot. I’m sorry, I just... no one ever talks about the fact that including Shinada in the story actively hurt it. I love him too! He’s an incredible idiot and very sweet, but why the fuck is he here? What did an ancient baseball cover up have to do with anything? This was the only way you could think of to put Daigo in the game again? Really??? And Daigo doesn’t even do very much here! So like... not really worth it. You could have had a whole substory of Daigo finding out what happened to Majima, fuck DAIGO COULD HAVE BEEN ONE OF THE PROTAGS. THERE’S A THOUGHT. We could have utilized, y’know, characters we already have, but no, instead we introduce this dumb fuck to do... what exactly? Oh right, beat up Baba AFTER HE HAD ALREADY DECIDED NOT TO SHOOT HARUKA! Like, YOU DIDN’T EVEN NEED SHINADA FOR THE THING YOU NEEDED HIM FOR. Saejima and Kiryu were enough of an influence on Baba to stop him! And that makes sense out of Baba’s character arc, since it’s about personal redemption and learning to be a person and his faith and love of Saejima, y’know, the character he actually HAS a relationship with, is about that. The point of Baba was him learning it WAS his choice and him MAKING that choice. See, I can’t argue that Baba’s superfluous to the plot, but he WAS the threat! He was actively involved and he’s what makes Saejima involved. Shinada doesn’t occupy the same space, he has no horse in this race, he’s not yakuza, he’s only here because he and Daigo kinda like each other or whatever, and, again, HE WASN’T EVEN NEEDED! Baba’s arc was complete and the threat was terminated without this shit! Like, Akiyama has no reason to be here either, but at least he was a true neutral, neither helping nor harming the plot. We actively waste time to bring Shinada in and he hurts Baba’s arc by overly punishing him and potentially risking the decision he just made. Like if I was Baba, I might have gone “you know what, fuck you, I will shoot her just because your self-righteous ass decided to hit me for MAKING THE RIGHT CALL” Jesus... 

I hate to be nothing but a curmudgeon but just... no one brings that up and I just had to say it if no one else was gonna. 

As for villains, the game would have been a lot stronger without the “thwarted destiny, I should be on the throne” bullshit especially since the story has done a SHIT JOB with the legacy of Nishiki and in NO WAY utilized the fucking koi or the burden of Nishiki’s death properly for this to hit the way it should. It makes theoretical sense that Kriyu’s last villain should be the reincarnation of Nishiki, but the story did not build that up or support it so it falls really flat. That said, the main problem in Kiryu’s arc is that dying is not a resolution. Dying doesn’t fix a problem, it only delays it. THAT’S the thing we have to confront and we almost nearly do and... I’m just so excited that we finally articulated that, I’m willing to forgive A LOT. 

And finally we wrote Majima entirely out of the game only to confirm that his only reason for living is Kiryu and then, again, didn’t resolve it because, y’know, fuck ending things, I guess? But he did have that sweet fight with Saejima and can do shadow clones now I guess? Fucking ninja magic or whatever. Sure, Majima’s so OP he can do fucking shadow clones now. No, teleporting wasn’t enough, he can fucking shadow clone. That’s like a staisfying story arc right? ...right?

[sometimesrosy]

1/2 Hey Rosy, I'm not pessimistic I swear but would it be considered a bittersweet end of the story if Bellarke and Co can achieve to have peace/break the cycle only for a few decades before mankind tries to destroy itself again?! It would be some kind of message /lesson for the viewers no? Every alliances/unity came crashing down in this show...

There is a type of post apocalyptic story that tells us the fight is never ending, the apocalypse never stops coming, humanity never stops trying to destroy itself, mankind is essential broken and spoiled and we are doomed to repeat the cycle endlessly.

I believe that’s the grimdark version. Taking a break and starting the cycle over would NOT be bittersweet. They took a break, some of them, for six years. Before war broke out again. 

I think their goal is no longer just to survive the war but to stop the fighting and get to live in peace, even if that peace does include pain and loss and death. 

I think JR does intend to make this all mean something, so the question we want to ask ourselves is “what meaning is he trying to make here?” The meaning is not going to come out of nowhere, it’s a journey, a story from point A to point Z so we want to make sense of it and see where it’s leading.

I can’t guarantee you everything, I can’t tell you EXACTLY what is happening or what JR is going to say at the end because he hasn’t said it yet. But what I’ve been doing is trying to understand the journey he’s taking and follow along with his steps that will lead us to his ending. 

I’ve been trying to figure out if JR is writing a “humanity is doomed” story or “humanity can be saved” story. And I’m pretty sure he’s writing a salvation story, not a grim dark. 

True, not everyone is saved. Some who deserved to be saved are doomed. HOWEVER, most who deserve to be doomed are actually doomed... or they get a chance to fix what they’ve done and be redeemed. Characters are also often given an ending based on how they acted. The cause and effect of their actions creates their ending. 

We see our heroes, especially Clarke and Bellamy, learning from their mistakes and trying to do better. This doesn’t mean they succeed perfectly, but it does mean they are growing. They HAVE been breaking the cycle, sometimes even with just one person, which then creates a ripple effect of salvation. For instance. Murphy deserved to die. But they gave him a chance (or twenty) and he’s been on the salvation side for years now. And has, in fact, saved their lives far more than he ever risked them. AND giving him that second chance also changed something within themselves, teaching them more about humanity and giving them, well, I guess hope that things and humanity could in fact be better.

And I’m gonna say no. Not every alliance has come crashing down on this show. Our very first alliance of opposing enemies is still the strongest alliance in the show.

It’s Clarke and Bellamy. We may just see the partnership now, or the love story, but the ORIGINAL start to their story was as political rivals fighting over power with the delinquents. Clarke made the decision to not treat him as an enemy, but as a valued ally in order for them to achieve their goals, and not only did that give her her partner, but it also changed how she dealt with other people and allowed her to continue to make alliances all the way to season 7 probably.

Do they all work? No. They don’t. But maybe part of their meaning is that the alliance has to be on both sides. Both have to trust, both have to accept, it has to be mutual. Otherwise it falls apart. Both parts of the alliance have to be trying to be better and they both have to be strong.

And this show DOES show people breaking and their weaknesses taking over, but it always gives them a chance, until the end. “You still have hope?” “We still breathing?”

I think this show is heading toward a happy ending... with a bitter cost, probably. All the endings have done so. Win the battle, lose the people. Win the battle, lose your souls. Win the battle, lose the war. Win the battle, lose everyone you love. Win the battle, lose the earth. Win the battle, lose your mother. (those are the endings for all six seasons.)

Now they want to fight the last war? 

I think they’ll win. But I think they’ll sacrifice something to get it. And that’s the bittersweet. I know what I think resonates for their ending, but I may be wrong. 

[rohanrray]

“How rare & special it is to decide our own sexuality, But the nature has it’s own ways to find our weakest point”- Call Me By Your Name.

We all have known Timothée Chalamet for his deep pensive & stony-faced acting. He has always made us fall in love with his acting. Call me by your name (2017), directed by a very famous Italian director- Luca Guadagino, who is known for his cinematography in old aesthetic Italian props. This movie is based on the novel by the writer — Andre Aciman, who is vastly famous for his romantic & sedating stories. Some of them are- Find me, Out of Egypt: A memoir and etc. Call me by your name is basically the story of an unrequited love of a very talented 17 years old talented boy from Lombardy, Italy. And about the unrequited relations around him. It was the time of summer of 1983; A doctoral student arrives in his father’s house as an intern. As the story goes by, we discover the beauty of the friendship amidst the sun-drenched splendor of their surroundings.

The best thing about this movie that the location selection for the scenes. The director and its associates have done a great job to depict the story in a very beautiful manner. As in this story Timothée plays the role of a boy named Elio, he is a very mature character who’s fond of reading and has great interest in history and philosophy. This tradition is mostly from his parents as his father plays a role of a professor and his mother too. Oliver (Armie Hammer) comes as an intern, and Elio has that feeling of doubt and loathing for him. As the summer vacations goes on, they find a different feeling of attraction for an unknown friendship. Elio was always asked to show Oliver the city, and as it was the time of 80s, so they used to roam around in cycles. Life was different at that time, riding a bicycle and talking with your partner has a different fun in it. As Elio used to take along his books with himself, that he doesn’t needs to communicate with Oliver. But that also changed with the time. Elio started to feel that there was something different about Oliver, he used to show interest in Elio, and at first he felt very absurd about it as he was committed to girl and was in a confused relationship, that had love with most of it in form of teenage-lust , Elio needed justification for what was he doing. As the time went by, Elio started to suppress that feeling of a confused hatredness for Oliver.

He started to show interest in the friendship. He started to trust him. But was that all… We Sometimes try to suppress the feeling of love for a person of our own gender, even though we all are straight, but there is a point in our life when we wonder that what really does our heart wants. But as we can see, listening just to our heart is not the end. When it comes to our brain, it gives us the thoughts of what really is sexuality, what is to be loved by a person of the same gender. We don’t give this thought so much priority, because we have to be straight for the sake of the society or for the sake of an evolution that has made us think in one way. But there is not so much space in someone’s brain to keep this thought together. And the same happened for Elio, but as he started to have the feeling of unsolved attraction for this mysterious person (Oliver). He was also confused about his sexuality; he was confused between the feeling of discovery of love in Marzia or the unresolved emotions for Oliver. So, he decided to keep it in a casual way with Marzia, as a teenager we give some relationship casual time spending to discover more in our life. Elio was discovering many new things about himself. He started to write letters to Oliver, because there was fear inside him to ask Oliver to spend more time with him. As a teen we all need guidance in our life and same it was with Elio. His parents were always there for him, for every decision.

As a mother she used to ask her boy, what was happening in his life because it was starting look obvious. This above scene describes those silent discussion with our parents that we discuss with our thoughts but in an indirect manner, at this time we all want to share something. But for the lack of understanding we can’t express us. So, the thoughts of French books were used here. Thoughts can change our lives a lot. The thoughts which come in from elders can hit in that part of our brain, that we have an epiphany for our better future and that has to be clear in front of us.

As the time went by Elio discovered that he was feeling the love for Oliver that he has never thought of. An emotion that was big a disbelief for him, so he had to do suppress that emotion, and to do that he started to force his brain to love Marvia.

But as we all have some fears in our life, so did Marvia. A fear to get hurt for what she was. As teenager we don’t realize that what we really are, or how can we be loved. We just expect from others, That’s all. Elio was not getting that he was playing with his inner decision, he was doing against his own decision. But at last he tried to hear the voice of his heart or should I say voice of his conscience! He decided to go against the fear of this biased society and discover a different world of love. And he discovered that the feeling was mutual, Oliver felt the same thing. But it was hard to believe for Elio, so much in so short period of time. They make love, but with fear. They shared their bodies, but with fear. The fear and ego were always there.

As those were some last days of his internship period, they both decided to go on a holiday. Elio ‘s parents had the idea by now that what was happening between Elio and Oliver. As the time went by Elio started to have the feeling to be strong but he was so lost in the paradise of his own desire that he had forgot that the love he received was cursed by the circumstances. Everyone will always be not there for us, even though they promise us but, love was discovered to be shared. So, as he realized, he again had to suppress the real Elio inside him again. He was shattered, his only real love of his life went away, the emotion of a teenager is not like others.

But he had the back of his own parents. We can understand that they, will always be there for us. Even though the decision remains against their will, they will always be there for us.

When he came back Elio had chat with his father, and little did he knew that small talk will change his life. This are the talks that always remains in our minds. Elio’s father described that how rare & special was what they had between them, what they two had was everything and nothing to do with intelligence. The Nature has many ways to find our weakest point. We have to grasp it. Even though we never want to feel & speak about these things with them, but do feel thing, don’t stop yourself from feeling what you obviously did. How we live our life is our business, the sorrow, pain will always be there. Don’t kill it, enjoy it. His father had the same thing with him in his own time, but he had the same feeling of fear to express, fear to continue. Never stop yourself to feel anything that you really want.

At last after 3 years an unexpected call comes from Oliver. And Elio was shocked, at that heat of the moment every emotion and feeling that had somewhat became quiet had suddenly busted out away. He was feeling that this call was for him. He waited to be called by the name of Oliver again by his lips. But the next thing came was that Oliver was getting engaged with a girl. As Oliver had decided to neglect this love and move on, He had portrayed it as negligible for his own fear. Elio was devastated, his every feeling that was alive for him was destroyed. He was just totally destroyed. And the last scene of the movie describes it so perfectly and precisely. Timothée sits in front of the fire as a mirror of his own self and shows us the whole summary of the movie in his eyes and the tears that were coming out from it. The silent scene had everything described through his eyes, what problems he had to face to go against the whole society, to go against his will and love with all his heart. He was shattered to know that being a gay was so vague and silly in this world that they will never be able to love what they really feel. The life of a bisexual is lived with so much pain and shame, it was shown all through his eyes. His eyes showed the pain of unrequited love that we all feel in our life (at least for once). We should stop us from suppressing us to feel. We have to make ourselves understand that the feeling of love is not entitled to particular given genders. It is entitled to their personal decision. Life is hard and will always be. Don’t kill it, embrace it. To feel the emotion of a heart that was never settled at one place, to feel the love of a different universe. Watch this masterpiece and make yourself understand what you truly want.

[itsgonnabe-brian-may]

Sorry I called

// Requested: No.

Warnings: 1 swear, mention of blood, fluff, breakups

Gwilym Lee x Reader

wc: 2.3K+

// 

Messy. That's the only word that you could describe your break up with Gwil. It was mutual. That didn't make it any easier. You hadn't fallen out of love, that wasn't the issue. The issue was that you were both busy and rarely had time for each other. Usual coffee shop dates had turned into sitting across from each other in silence as you worked on your separate projects.

Gwil wanting to expand his acting career took on TV shows and small gigs to get more experience. Being the talented man he was, he received most of the roles he auditioned for. He was overworked and went days without communication. 

Although it's unfair to pin on all of the blame on him. You were also as unreachable at times. Being sucked into your studies at first, then constantly working overtime once you got a job in your field. 

Both of you woke up at different times. Came home at different times. Ate at different times. Went to bed at different times. 

Eventually, you both noticed a pattern and carved out some time to talk about it. In the end, a crying Gwil and a crying you came to the decision to break up the 2-year relationship you had.

That was a year ago. Well, 1 year, 11 months, 6 days and some odd number of minutes and seconds ago.

You had tried to move on and date other men. It never really lasted, 1 month at the most. 

Gwil had been better off, not romantically but platonically. He had made some amazing new friendships and his career had taken off in a way that he could never have anticipated. 

His Saturday night was in celebration of those new friends. Ben had just received notice that he was going to be in a new film, that was supposed to be the blockbuster of the summer. With that news, Gwil took it upon himself to throw a little get together with friends in celebration. Originally it had been planned to be a night out on the town, but the weather had disagreed. It was currently pouring rain. Thunder and lightning cycled by quite often. Yet the celebration was still on, just a change to the venue.  The new venue was Gwil's quaint apartment. 

Your night, however, wasn't so quaint. The rain didn't stop you from going downtown, you had a date. And one you were actually excited for. However, your date's car broke down and couldn't make it. 

I'm really sorry Y/N! I won't be able to make it... Rain Check? xx - Tom

You laughed at the ironic ending, however, you weren't a monster and couldn't be mad. 

Maybe Sunshine Check? 

No worries, rather you be safe - Y/N

With a reply sent you grabbed your purse and headed out the door of the bar you were supposed to meet at. 

Sprinting to your parked car as the rain-soaked your hair and knit jumper.  Your heels giving you zero traction. Thank god not many people were out, you had been able to find a parking spot nearby. You slammed the driver's side door shut as soon as possible. With an exhale and a laugh you pulled out and started driving. The rain obscuring your vision every few seconds before the windshield wipers wiped them away aggressively. Your drive home was slow and left you reminiscing. You found yourself wondering about Gwilym. You hated it but everything reminded you of him. Especially rain. Even on your busiest days, rain meant movie and pizza night. Always. 

God how you wished his arm was wrapped around your shoulders. A blanket was thrown over your laps. It was bliss. You wished it rained every day. Hard too, so that traffic was too dangerous and work was called off. Just so you could have an excuse to cuddle up with your ex. Yet it hadn't happened yet, and it wasn't going too. Normally you would watch a movie by yourself and maybe get a little drunk. You had even called Gwilym once or twice, the alcohol giving you the confidence to try one more time. 

Before you could cringe at the thought of those awkward conversations, the bright, blinding beams of headlights stared you down. Instinctively you swerved over, nearly missing the troubled driver. Hitting the breaks you tried to slow down enough to regain control. It was too late. The side of your car hit the barrier on the shoulder of the road. The airbag deployed, sending your head back as the seatbelt locked against your sternum. 

Your heavy breaths and groans of discomfort filled the air. 

"Fuck," you breathed out. 

Still dazed at what was happening you reached for your phone and looked around, slowly assessing the damage. You were relatively fine. A bruise forming and framing the cut that the steering wheel gave you, on the initial impact. That was it, besides the inevitable soreness from going from 40 miles per hour to zero. Your car, however, was another story. The front bumper was missing and the engine smoking. Upon realization that there was smoke coming from your car, you grabbed your phone and jumped out. 

"Bloody hell," you groaned as the ice cold rain hit your skin.

Grabbing your phone you hesitated. You were just off of the exit that would lead you to Gwils house in under 15 minutes. You could call him and see if he could pick you up. But you haven't spoken while sober since the breakup. Or you could call the police and a tow truck. That would be the rational decision. But they were probably busy with more serious crashes. Or you could call your roommate and tear her away from her own date. 

Looking down at your phone you realized you had 20% battery left. You probably had enough for one phone call. So that's what you did. Your mind dialed 999 for police but your fingers dialed the familiar number under Gwilym's contact.

"Pick up, pick up, please pick up," you muttered as you heard the tone before the voice message again.

One more time wouldn't hurt, would it?  You didn't think, you just kept pressing redial. 

On the other end of the phone, Gwil sat laughing at some dumb remark Joe had just made. 

The first time you rang he didn't look at his phone and ignored it. 

The second time you rang, he picked up his phone and saw it was you. He ignored it. 

The third and fourth time you rang he hit the red button that ended the call before the third ring. 

The fifth time you rang, Ben stepped in. 

"Is everything alright mate? You can take the call if you need," He said quirking a brow at him. 

"It's nothing," Gwil answered, sounding unsure. 

He didn't want to pick up in case you were drunk and were in a reflecting mood, He couldn't take hearing you cry out his name in pain again. 

"Answer it," Lucy said in a very motherly tone. 

"Yeah, I probably should. I'll make it quick." He said standing up from the dinner table.

He walked into the kitchen and picked up. 

"Oh thank god," You spoke into the responder, the sound of rain hitting the metal of your car in the background. 

"Y/N." He said bluntly. 

"You're drunk okay? Hang up and save the apology. You need to move on, It's been almost 2 years," Gwil said harshly into the phone a little louder than he should have.

He had a group of very nosy friends, who were most certainly listening to every word. 

"For starters, I'm actually not drunk." You spat angrily, annoyed that he had that impression of you now. 

"And I was in a car accident a few kilometers off of the exit on 4th. My car is wrecked and undrivable. It'll take hours for the police to come, and I don't want to stand in this miserable rain any longer than I have too. I thought you would be at least civil and maybe pick me up so I can call a taxi from someplace other than the side of the bloody highway." You ranted, wishing you would have called your roommate instead. 

"...." 

"You know what, sorry I called," You said spat even more annoyed. 

"Are you okay? Y/N?" He asked gently, melting back into the loving man you knew. 

"I-" You started but your phone conveniently decided to die.  

"Y/N?" Gwil called into the phone, now becoming panicked. 

"Y/N? Are you okay?" He called one more time, and upon receiving no answer he pulled on his shoes and grabbed a raincoat. 

The rest of the cast exchanged worried glances.

"Is everything alright?" Ben asked for the group. 

"Yeah should be, I'll be back in 20. Make yourself at home," He called halfway through the door. 

By the time that Gwil had made it to your location, you had resorted to sitting in the grass. You were soaked to the bone, but it didn't bother you at that point. You were just contemplating what to do if Gwil didn't show up within the next ten minutes and how stupid you were to call him. 

Thankfully the headlights of his car slowed down and pulled in front of your car. A flashlight found your figure and illuminated the worry knotted in Gwil's face. 

"Y/N?" He asked timidly watching you shakily stand up. 

"You came...." You muttered.

His heart broke at your tone. It broke his heart to see you with blood beginning to scab on your forehead It broke his heart to see you standing, distraught in the thunderstorm that controlled the sky. 

"Of course I did, no way I would leave you out here in the rain," He said stepping closer. 

The two of you stood awkwardly, not exactly knowing what to say or what to do. 

The loud boom and clap of thunder made you jump and look up at Gwil. He stepped one foot closer and pulled you towards him gently. 

"Come on, let's get you out of this rain," He smiled and lead you to his car. 

You simply nodded and got into the passenger's seat. You looked straight ahead out of the window, shuddering every now and then. The car ride was silent, except for the roar of thunder and the sound of rain violently hitting the glass. By the time you made it back to his apartment, you were full on shivering, no doubt that you would be sick tomorrow. 

"Let me just call a cab and I'll get out of your hair, I promise-" You said walking into his apartment, interrupted by 4 slightly familiar faces looking at you. 

"You could have said you had company over, I would have called someone else," You said becoming agitated. 

"Nonsense," Gwil answered hanging up his raincoat. 

"Gwil." You said looking at him with raised eyebrows. 

"Uh, anyway... Guys, this is Y/N... my ex" He started, his breath hitching at the last part. 

"Hi," You waved slightly, not really knowing what to do, besides stand awkwardly in the entry hall. 

The group, led by Lucy, introduced themselves and asked what happened. 

You sheepishly explained while Gwilym went to go get you dry clothes. 

When he returned, you went to the bathroom and changed while he faced his friends with a million questions. 

"Is she the ex you told us about?" 

"Why'd you break up?" 

"She's cute, and seems very nice," 

"Are you over her?" 

"Why did she call you?" 

"Is this why you've passed on all the girls that I've tried to set you up with?" 

Gwil tried to hush them down, not wanting you to hear their questions and his answers. Even though you both knew that neither one of you was over the other. 

"Um, can I borrow your phone? I'll call a cab and leave you guys alone?" You said quietly, trying not to intrude. 

"Yeah sure," Gwil answered handing you his phone.

"The password is the same," He added, his cheeks turning pink again. 

You laughed and stepped aside to call. However, as soon as the taxi company picked up the power cut out and a long tone replaces the British accent on the other side of the line. 

"Shit," Joe exclaimed bumping into Ben as the lights cut out. 

"I swear it wasn't me this time," You called to Gwil. 

"Yeah sure Y/N," He retorted back with a small laugh. 

"This time?" Ben asked sparking the lighter he kept in his back pocket. 

Once you found some candles you all sat down on the couch, a glass of wine in your hand thanks to Lucy. You began telling them the story of when you and Gwil were both engrossed in work and you plugged in the coffee machine, causing the circuit to blow. Gwil's place didn't have power for 3 days. Next, to you, Gwil added details that you purposely left out with a smirk and a gaze full of admiration. 

The stories continued all night long until the candles burned down to their bases and you ended up curled up in Gwil's embrace. Everyone fell asleep on the floor or the couch and armchair.

The rain still hadn't stopped by morning, but the power had returned. Lucy woke first and quietly woke the rest and shuffled them out of the apartment, careful not to wake the two of you. 

Lucy could tell there was a lot of unfinished business that needed to be addressed, she also knew that both of you were still hopelessly in love with each other. She left a note on the coffee table in front of the two of you. 

'Talk it out. You two are still in love, give it another shot. We're all in support. xoxo Luce & the boys" 

And that is what you did. 

[thesagedahlia]

🧿Zendaya🧿

I'm going to start by saying I consider Zendaya my biracial sister (she's about 11 days younger than me) & I honestly feel like I can relate to her on so many levels. I never really was invested in much of her personal life, but I enjoy her work & she plays roles I can identify with. But energetically, I get she's kind of a hermit (which again, I relate to) & doesn't really be out there like that. I knew she dated Tom Holland but I was unaware of the duration of the relationship nor of their slept. It was also brought to my attention that she seemed to be getting close to her Euphoria costar, Jacob Elordi. I will say that she has much inner strength & wisdom for someone her age (again, another relation), & she is very in tune spiritually. She has amazing intuition, also comes off very stable or focused on stability. Her situation with Jacob took me aback & it was interesting to see her close with some other that Tom (though I will say, Jacob has some sketchiness to him; to those who are familiar with tarot, the devil card came our constantly for him). From what I picked up on Zendaya, she seems like an unproblematic character in a problematic movie we call human existence, but I digress.

**DISCLAIMER**

I am not declaring, nor am I insinuating, that anything I say in my predictions are true accounts of any of the parties involved. This reading is for entertainment purposes only, & should be only taken as such. All in good fun, folks 🤷🏾‍♀️🧿

🔮Energy Surrounding Zendaya🔮

I feel like in regards to the choices & ideas that have yet to be explored, Zendaya is beginning to explore certain life choices that will bring her a happier, healthier life with more opportunities to grow as a person. She's focused a lot on her success & she is putting people & situations behind that don't serve her growth. As far as love, she is less interested in flings & is wanting solidarity & maturity. She also wants a foundation & to cut out any recklessness or carelessness about the things she wants for herself & in her relationships. I think romance has left a bad taste in her mouth & she would rather focus on her own self reflection, & she is becoming stronger despite her losses. She decided she was going in a different direction than what her relationships were taking her. She has her idea of what stability means to her in all aspects in her life, & she's being committed to her newfound ideology. She's putting an end to situations that left her confused, & a lot of the confusion was caused by manipulation. She has anxiety stemming from what she's dealt with in the past, & the fear of it repeating itself. She's in search of her own happiness, & even if she's burdened through it, she is in walking this path alone. She may be going through a period where she's even seeing people she's known for some time for who they truly are, & she's starting to see that people around her don't have her best interest at heart; & this seems like people who are around her socially.

🔮What happened between Zendaya & Tom Holland🔮

I'm seeing that there was an unwillingness to commit fully, & Zendaya's energy & passion for the relationship beginning to die down. They had a stable relationship, but I feel they were each going in different directions & wanting different things. The relationship was going through a rough patch for some time before they ended things, & it started to become burdensome. It ended up coming down to a decision to make the transition to being friends. I feel Zendaya was becoming more cold to the relationship, & she may have been unwilling to let up on wanting a change in the relationship (or life in general). She felt like things weren't going anywhere.

🔮Zendaya's feelings toward Tom Holland🔮

She is acknowledging that their work has brought them closer together as friends, but I feel like she wasn't trying to mix business with pleasure, though the both are coming across as having mutual interest in one another. She feels like it's harder to work together as a couple. She had an emotional & sexual connection with him & it stemmed from their mutual connection; they acted upon their passions & their feelings for one another. She had her convictions about dating someone she worked with, & she already was in tune, intuitively, of the relationship itself & how it will not be what she's looking for in love. Despite this, she took the chance anyway because she cared about him. It was an equal give & take relationship, but Zendaya felt bogged down by the loyalty she felt toward Tom. She felt it best if they quietly remained friends.

🔮What is going on between Zendaya & Jacob Elordi🔮

Zendaya isn't much invested in anything serious with Jacob, & I feel she has her set boundaries so she isn't going to put too much of herself out there. She is, however, having a time being single & she considers Jacob a good friend. Right now, it's just a lighthearted friendship & opportunity, where they see where things may go. I'm picking up that he could be keeping something hidden from her (possibly a desire?) & it is coming across as being a friend to her first & being patient, but Zendaya doesn't seem like she would fall for the 'okey doke' & will nip that in the bud. She's having fun, but she's not settling in this relationship. Zendaya seems to strictly be interested in a friendship with Jacob, & Jacob may have some underlying intentions on where he wants ths relationship to go.

🔮Zendaya's feelings toward Jacob Elordi🔮

She is planning to be platonic about where she plans on taking the relationship. She's kind of introverted when it comes to Jacob, & she is even being observant & proactive to getting a general study of him as a person to be cautious of or not. She also doesn't seem to be much in contact with him behind the scenes; she's very much of a hermit in general, in which she is more in favor of her solitude. She may only want to stay friends above all else. She may also feel she relates differently from him romantically. She's feeling like she may be better off focusing on herself, as she kind of peeps some sort of game he's trying to play (she'd play up until she feels like she's about to get manipulated on some way). As far as she's concerned, she has control over the situation & will not settle for a person of ill intention to be around her or in her energy. I don't see any feelings of her being tempted, or giving flighty feelings, in fact she may not have feelings for Jacob at all.

🔮What is to come for Zendaya in the near future🔮

I see Zendaya dealing with mess & toxicity within her social circle, partnerships, &/or alliances. She may be coming into realization about those who are around her & are realizing that they may be bringing low vibrational energy & blockages to her own abundance. As of right now, all of her focus is on her own self love & stability. She's practicing self evaluation & self reflection, as well as using her own discernment & intuition to stand her ground against anyone who is deceptive or calculating. She has her boundaries established, & she isn't planning to compromise herself for anyone else. I'm picking up on a friend that may try to take a connection forward, but they are someone who has passion (or lust) behind his intention; this is a connection that Zendaya is taking more lightly. She is going to be pushing forward out of any burdens she may face, to reach a more stable place in her life. She's trying to release some stresses that can be stemming from friends or family (or she could be dealing with some conditioning due to family cycles or traditional cycles; karmic cycles). She is spending her time mostly I'm self reflection & self love & is finding her own truth to fall back on.

🔮BONUS QUESTION🔮

1️⃣Tom Holland's feelings toward Zendaya?

I feel like Tom has a certain admiration for Zendaya, & he feels like she is a woman who knows what she wants, & he has respect & compassion for her. I do have a feeling that he doesn't feel someone around her has good intentions; someone she's been publicly around. I feel like he would like to reach out to her more, but there is an energy of holding back from doing so. Even though he believes they are still friends & they have a mutual respect for one another, he feels imprisoned by the fact that he still feels a way about her. He acknowledges that there are challenges that he may have with the fact that she could be in a relationship with someone else, but I feel like he's not wanting to be immature about it, so he'd rather keep his distance. He's trying to release the dissatisfaction & hurt that he feels, because he only cares about Zendaya's happiness, while simultaneously respecting his own boundaries. I think it's hard for him to be friends with her because there may have been love there for him (Zendaya's energy was way more neutral than Tom's; his feelings in the relationship may have been deeper?). He feels like no matter what kind of mess she goes through with another person, they would always cherish each other as friends.

2️⃣Jacob Elordi's feelings toward Zendaya

Jacob is coming across as someone who has ulterior motives, & he is wanting to maintain their friendship, but he has a goal in mind, but he is acknowledging that she is strong in her convictions. He does want Zendaya to be more open with him, even though he has no intention on bringing stability to her. She's not even focused on him, he feels. He feels that even in a work environment, she doesn't want to become distracted on anything that isn't about contributing to her stability. He feels like she sets boundaries with him, which makes him feel left out in the cold with her. He's unsure I'd he is even wanting to put up a front because he knows that it isn't going to be as easy as he thought it would be. She keeps to herself a lot. He does, however, feels like he has clarity to strategic means to getting closer to her, & they seem to be to his own benefit.

3️⃣What are Jacob Elordi's intentions with Zendaya 👀?

He feels she is in need of a friend & that she may be going through her own personal issues that are a hindrance on her being open with him, & he is willing to be that person that is there for her. But I gotta be honest, his intentions on his reasons for getting close to her are a little questionable. He wants to transform the relationship between them, but he can't seem to get around her boundaries that easily, & he's playing by the rules long enough until he can take a leap. I don't know if he had recently gotten out of previous relationship, but it partially feels rebound-ish. I see Jacob as wanting to take things with Zendaya further, but I see him being blocked; I feel like Zendaya is ten steps ahead of him.

[fernwehbookworm]

Woke The F*ck Up- Chapter 15

February 26th, 2018

Apparently, Kara no longer lived in her apartment. Lena found out the hard way when a squat Italian woman yelled at her until Lena responded flawlessly with an apology in her native tongue. The woman then made her come inside and sent her off with homemade cannolis. Lena didn’t want to call Kara and risk being ignored.  This conversation had to happen face-to-face. Lena’s next stop was Kara’s gym. It was the only other place she could think of to find her since she was too tired to pay attention to where Lena could only assume her ‘hideout’ was.

Her driver was one of the agents assigned to her in a nondescript black SUV. He took her to the gym and waited in the idling car while Lena went inside. She was impressed. The building was spacious. Free weights stood near the front. Various cardio machines lined the center. Off to the side was a partially walled off room boasting of a 30-minute ab workout. At the back was the second set of doors. Above it was simply a sign saying 'The Box’. The whole room was brightly lit. Blue was the predominant color but red and white accented it. On the walls were large printouts of different fighters from early boxing to modern MMA fighters. Lena even spotted a few of Kara.

The girl working the front desk looked young, probably a high schooler working a part-time job. She looked up at Lena expectantly but then realized she didn't recognize the person walking in.

“Hi! Welcome to the Power House. Are you here to sign up for a membership?” She asked brightly.

“Ah, no. I'm actually looking for Kara. Kara Danvers.”

“Did you have an appointment?” Lena almost laughed at the absurdity of needing an appointment with Kara. But she supposed Kara couldn't meet with everyone trying to join her gym, most of which were probably fans of hers.

“No. I'm an… old friend. But I'm only in town for a few days and I need to talk to her about something.”

“Let me see if she can see you.” The girl dials the phone at the desk and waits as it rings. Lena watches the people in the gym. It's not very busy considering it is still early on a Monday morning. Two burly men puff out harsh breaths while using free weights. One woman is cycling away on a stationary bike while two others gossip on stair climbers. She can hear music seeping through the doors of 'The Box.’

“Hey Coach K. There is a woman here to see you.”

“Who is it?” Lena hears the faint question.

“Hold on, sorry I don't get your name.” The girl directs the last part at Lena. Lena debates giving the girl the fake name she usually uses but decided against it.

“Lena Luthor.”

“Le-Lena Luthor.” She repeats, shocked.

“Oh! Send her to my office.” Kara says a little louder and more excited, Lena thinks. The girl points Lena to a door at the end of the room labeled ‘K. Danvers, Owner.’ The girl looks after Lena with a mixer of awe, confusion, and excitement. Lene ignores her and walks to Kara's office. She hesitates outside, taking a deep breath before turning the cold metal knob.

She enters the simple office. Kara awkwardly stands behind her desk rolling chair, hands resting on the back. She looks hesitant. Lena takes in the new room. The bare walls only have a few posters from what looks like early in Kara's career. A simple computer monitor sits in the desk with a few photo frames facing away from Lena. Behind the desk is a bookshelf full of different health and exercise books and Kara's trophies. Kara clears her throat.

“Hey. I didn't know if you would want to talk so soon. I know everything… it just must be a lot.” Kara looks more awkward then Lena has ever seen her. Lena lets out a harsh laugh.

“Yeah. You could say that.”

“Well, I’m an open book to you. Come on.” Lena almost laughs again but bites it back as Kara reaches up and places her palm to on of the larger trophies. A glowing green light scans it and the bookshelf soundlessly slides to the side. Now Lena does laugh and shakes her head.

“Of course your secret base is under your gym.”

“How else do I justify spending so much time here?” Kara shrugs and starts to descend the stairs. Lena sighs and follows after her.

“How do you run the gym if you're always down here?” Lena asks on her way down.

“My office phone is forwarded to my cell phone. I told them if they had a question to call me. The door automatically locks when I open the bookcase. Also, Winn set up sensors so that I know when someone is outside my office.”

Lena takes in the room again as they make it to the bottom. It is more brightly lit then last time. Workout equipment stands ready for use, monitors seem to be scanning the city while a police radio prattles on a low volume. Kara heads to one corner of the room that is much more of a living space. Lena recognizes her couch and television. Her bed stands more off to the side. A counter lines one wall with a small fridge and countertop gas burner.

“Are you living down here?”

Kara blushes as she sits on the couch.

“Yeah. My lease was up a couple weeks after… after we broke up. I wasn’t spending anytime there anyway so I moved most of my stuff into storage and listed my permanent address as Alex’s apartment. It was just easier.”

Lena catches the ‘we,’ like it was a mutual decision. Guilt lances her heart again. Only tempered by the fact that Kara had been lying to her. Lena sits at the other end of the couch.

“I just… I'm trying to understand why you kept this from me. I've told you everything. I've been so open about me, about my past, and I thought… I thought the trust was mutual.” Lena grabs one of the throw pillows and hugs it to her chest. Lena sees Kara's jaw work out of the corner of her eye, she just couldn't look at Kara right now.

“I know nothing I say can or will excuse this. But I wanted to tell you. I was going to. That's what I wanted to show you. So you could see this. See how far we had come.”

“But why didn't you tell me sooner? I mean, how many times did you lie to me about where you were, or what you were doing? Oh God, and when I came to see you. The bruised shoulder. Where you really even with James that night?”

“Yes! He had gone digging into Cadmus and was kidnapped. Winn had called me and I had to save him. But then I got shot-”

“You got shot!”

“It's fine. The armor Winn made me protected me. It was just that bruise.”

Lena rubs her eyes. Maybe she shouldn't have come. She should have just went back to London. She missed Sam and Ruby. She had called them as soon as she woke up to assure then everything was fine.

“So James found out who I am and insisted on helping. But that's another story. Long story short, he became Guardian.”

“When did all of this start?”

“A couple months before we met. My sister figured it out when James released that first picture in the paper, he didn't know it was me then.”

“So everytime. Every time you rushed off or said you were late and hung up. Every missed phone call. Every missed flight. It was because you were off being a vigilante.” Lena accuses, acid in her voice. She finally looks at Kara who seems to shrink into the corner of the couch.

“I didn't want you to worry halfway across the world. It's dangerous and illegal.”

“No shit. No, I wasn't worried about your safety. I was too worried about what I was doing wrong. If I had screwed this up. Worrying about whether or not I was good enough for you. God. I'm an idiot.”

“Lena-”

“No. I need some space. I'll call you later.” Lena swiftly stands and ascends the steps. The bookcase is still open but as she steps through it shuts and she hears a faint click as the office door unlocks. She strides through the gym and back into her waiting vehicle, asking the man to take her back to her hotel room. She calls Sam just to hear the voice of a friend. She hadn't told Sam about Kara. Just that she had seen her and they had tried to talk but it was too much and Lena had to leave.

“Do you want to work things out with her?” Sam asks honestly.

“I don't know. I mean I see her face and I know I love her. But she was lying to me. About something big. And she has her reasons for it but… I just don't know. All I know is I miss you and Ruby, but I feel like if I leave now then I won't get the closure I need.” Sam is silent for a moment.

“Maybe you should try therapy or something. Just so you can both say what needs to be said in a safe place.”

“Like couples therapy?”

“Well yes and no. It sounds like you just need an outsiders opinion. Someone unbiased to help you get the closure you need, where or not that means you and Kara try to work things out between you.” Lena bites her lip as she considers her friend’s advice.

“I'll think about it. And Sam? Thanks for being such a great friend. I don't know what I would have done without you and Ruby.”

“Of course Lena. We both love you. We will see you before you know it.”

I love you guys too. Bye Sam.”

“Bye Lena.”

Lena hung up. Feeling slightly better than she did before. She orders lunch to her room and sat down in front of the keyboard Jess had managed to get set up in her room. She began to play Clair De Lune. A classical piece that stuck with her from her childhood lessons. It was slow but good for different techniques. Lena lost herself in the piece before starting it again. Allowing the soothing tunes to calm her racing mind. Lena began to play a new song and another one after that. She played until her fingers began to get a little sore and her thoughts had been soothed from the angry panic they were this morning. Lunch had arrived while she played. The young bellhop dropped it off as she requested just inside the door. Lena ate the sandwich and chips in silence, seriously considering her friend's advice.

Now that she knew about Kara, she wasn't sure what she wanted. She had left the fundraiser with only thoughts of winning her back, but so much had happened in such a short amount of time. The only way to know was to talk it out but Lena dreaded that. She was never good with feelings. For the most part, she had learned to shut them out. But after Kara, after living with Sam and Ruby, Lena was becoming more attuned to her feelings. She liked who she was becoming in the short time since she decided to be better, for herself and Ruby. With a sigh, Lena decides to follow Sam's advice. Tomorrow. Tonight she was going to play her music and go to dinner with Jess.

February 27th, 2018.

Lena waited in line at Noonan's. She was hoping to get her coffee and grab the table in the corner. She was able to snag it, putting her back to the wall and able to see the entrance. On her laptop, she was looking over LexCorp numbers and dredging up the ancient knowledge she had thought she had never need from high school and college. Jess had sent them to her but she was having trouble getting through everything that absolutely needed her approval instead of her CFO's. Lena still hadn't decided what to do with the burden her brother had placed on her shoulders.

“Hi.” Kara's soft voice breaks into Lena's concentration. Startled, Lena blinks up owlishly as she adjusts from screen to real life. Kara stands, slightly unsure, coffee in hand but not attempting to sit.

“Hi. Please sit. I was just working on Stuff for LexCorp.”

Kara sits slowly, looking ready to bolt as soon as Lena didn't want her there. Lena types in a few notes before shutting her laptop and looking back up at the nervous blonde.

“How is it? Owning a company, I mean.”

“Awful. I never wanted it. My only blessing is Jess taking care if almost everything.”

“Oh. Umm… Well, at least you have her.”

“Yeah. And Sam and Ruby really help. I don't know what I would have done these last couple of months without them.”

Silence falls over the pair. Both nervously play with coffee cups and avoid making eye contact.

“So are you and Sam…?” Kara trails off, unsure if she wants to finish the question.

“Sam is my closest friend. I moved into her spare bedroom when the album released. But we are just friends.”

Kara lets out a breath she didn't realize she was holding and swallows past the lump in her throat. Silence stretches on again. Lena clears her throat and Kara looks up to meet her eyes. Lena pauses at the blue of them. The openness and the disarming kindness and hope. She swallows and finally says what she needs to.

“I don't know what I want Kara. I was never able to figure that out. That's part of the reason I never called you back. Then, when I saw your art at the fundraiser, I realized the massive mistake I made.” Kara opens her mouth to say something but Lena holds up a finger to stop her.

“Let me finish, please. That's why I came back, I realized that you did care about me and I had reacted rashly. I wanted to apologize at least, to talk things out. Then, I was kidnapped by my mother as soon as I landed, which I suspect had something to do with my new assistant, but that's another story. Finally, I'm saved from my mother by my ex-girlfriend who has been living a double life as a vigilante for as long as I have known her. Now I don't know what I want, again. It's something I need to figure out before I go back home. I can't do it alone. So, on Sam's advice, I'm going to see a therapist. I want you to come with me if you're willing, so maybe we can put everything in the open and get some closure for this whole giant circus of a shit show that has become my life.”

Kara sits silently until Lena gestures for her to talk.

“I think it’s a great idea, Lee.”

Lena’s heart soars at the nickname without her permission. Kara had a way of just slipping past all her defenses. It wasn’t fair, Lena should have known better than coming back here, where it all started.

“I actually already have one. A therapist, I mean. I started seeing her during my recovery after my accident. And after everything, I made some poor choices and Alex took me to see her again. She knows everything, so we can be as open an honest as we want to be.”

“You’ve been seeing a therapist?”

“Yeah, like I said, bad choices. But we can get into that later if you want. I’ll call Dr. Hamilton and send you her information.”

“Okay.” Lena takes a deep breath.

“So…”

“I’m not ready for small talk Kara. Thanks for coming, though. And I do want to talk through this, but not here.”

“I’ll leave you to your work then. Let me know when you make the appointment, I will be there. I promise.”

“No offense Kara, but right now your promises mean very little. But I will let you know.”

“Right. Call me later. Bye Lee.” Kara stands, hesitating before pushing in her chair and taking her cup away with her. Lena powers back on her computer and continues her work. After another twenty minutes, she looks up Dr. Hamilton and begins her own search before her phone dings with Kara’s shared contact information.

February 28th, 2018

“So, you are sure you want to do this? I am an advocate for closure, but I thought we were moving past this. At least it seemed that way to me. I don’t want you cutting open healed wounds.” Dr. Hamilton asks. Kara had arrived early to talk to her before her their actual session with Lena.

“Yes. I am sure. I think this will be good for both of us. Even if we both just say our peace and go our separate ways.”

“And do you want to go your separate ways?”

Kara opens her mouth to come up with a non-committal answer but they are interrupted by a knock. Dr. Hamilton’s assistant peaks her head in.

“Miss Lena Luthor is here, shall I send her in?” Kara nods when Dr. Hamilton looks at her and the therapist gives confirmation to the assistant.

Kara has never seen Lena look so unsure of herself, not even when she was kidnapped. Lena wears a large green sweater and black leggings and her hair is down. Everything about her is soft today, nothing of the Lena Luthor mentality came with her. That gives Kara a spark of hope that maybe they weren’t broken. Maybe they could fix this.

“Good morning,” Lena says. Kara shoots to her feet, then she realizes it was a mistake because there is nowhere to go from there.

“Morning, Lee. Umm… Lena, Dr Hamilton. Dr. Hamilton, Lena.” Kara gestures awkwardly between the two women. Dr. Hamilton offers Lena a hand to shake and gestures for her to sit in the chair across from Kara. Kara sits on one end of the couch while Dr. Hamilton site in a chair to the side.

“Lena, it's wonderful to meet you.”

“You as well, Dr.”

Once everyone is comfortable, Kara nervously plays with one of the throw pillows and Lena pulls her sleeves over her hands. The doctor watches the two as they both throw up defenses and gauge each other.

“Okay. so I am mostly here a moderator. Lena this is a safe place. I know everything about Kara and her sister has had me sign more NDA’s than I could ever come near to being able to get free of. Since this is a session with Kara, anything you say here is also covered by all of that.”

“Okay. Thank you.” Lena looks down to the ground.

“Now Kara. How about you start? Start from the beginning. When you decided to become a vigilante and then your side of events that have happened since meeting Lena. Lena, I am going to ask you not comment on anything Kara says. If you want to ask clarifying questions, that’s fine. Then when Kara is done, Lena can go and the same rules apply to Kara.” Both women nod.

“To start, I didn’t really decide to do it. More like I just couldn’t stand by any longer. There was a girl, barely out of high school, I think. She was rapped by some thug barely three blocks from my apartment. Later I found out he was low-level Cadmus muscle but I didn't know that then. Not until I started making connections. Then Winn and I had gone for a few drinks and to play pool at a bar, we were walking home and I heard a woman calling for help. I pulled up the hood of the jacket I was wearing, the red and blue one which was a gift from Alex, and knocked the man out that was trying to take her purse. That was the first night I stopped someone.”

Kara continues, telling about how she and Winn almost got caught several times. About the body armor Winn came up with and Alex figuring out her secret. Eventually, she gets to meeting Lena.

“I actually gave up my seat inside to an older couple when I saw you. It was the last table and I had just settled into my chair and I saw you through the glass. The couple was looking for somewhere to sit so I offered my table because I had to talk to the beautiful woman sitting outside, in August, in a sweatshirt. I will never regret that decision. Then when I saw you again the next day, I knew I had to convince you to go out with. I was never smooth with pretty women, Alex can give you horror stories about the clumsy, stuttering, mess I become. But with you, I was more comfortable and sure of myself than I had ever been.”

It takes nearly an hour. An hour of Kara describing her double life. In all fairness, when she was with Lena, then she was with Lena. She had only left that one night because James was in danger. And she had only taken phone calls again when James was in danger. She didn’t want being a vigilante to take away from Lena. At least until Cadmus became seriously dangerous and Kara felt like she couldn’t leave the country for days at a time. But when that happened, Lena did take a back seat in Kara’s life. Hell, Lena didn’t even feel like she was in the car anymore.

“And then when the news was released that you were missing, I just knew it was your mother. She was getting desperate with her funds depleted since Lex was arrested and I was a thorn in her side. Since she knew who I was then she knew how to draw me out. What she didn’t know is that my sister works for a government organization specifically tasked with taking her and Cadmus down. So as they stormed the compound, I could focus on keeping you safe and getting you out alive. And now we are pretty much caught up.”

Lena sits silently. It was a lot. Kara waits patiently, playing with the corners of the pillow in her lap. Dr. Hamilton had been scribbling notes the whole time. When the pen starts scratching, the doctor loos at Lena.

“Ok Lena, your turn. Go back as far as you would like but please, this is mostly about the events between you and Kara so try to keep it relevant to that.”

“I have lived a dark life. A simple one, coasting day to day, hardly ever sober as I tried to forget the pain of growing up in the Luthor household. I lost my mother at the age of four, I don’t even remember her face anymore. Just the love she poured into me. It was such stark contrast to the sharp coldness of Lillian. I think Lex tried to love me, but by the time I came around, everything good in him had been poisoned by Lillian. Lionel was hardly ever around. When he was, all he and Lillian did was fight. About money, work, women,  me. Sometimes… sometimes I would hear objects breaking as they hit walls. It would echo through the mansion, long after servants went home. It got worse when Lex Left for college. Then, one night, I heard a gun go off. Just one shot. But I crawled under my bed and stayed there until the sun rose. The next morning I braved the rest of the house. There was Lillian and Lionel quietly eating breakfast like nothing happened. That’s when I accepted my early admission to college and stop fighting them to stay in high school. I couldn’t be in that house anymore.” Lena was giving a little background for the therapist's sake, Kara knew most of it at this point.

“My childhood friend, Veronica, was also going early; though she was two years older than me. We had spent most of our time together, escaping our families and high society life. It was all very shallow until it wasn’t. I fell in love with her and she didn't. I closed my self off after that and used terrible coping mechanisms to make it through everything. And I did, I made it through each day until my entire life was turned upside down by this beautiful blonde asking to share my table. She didn’t know who I was, she didn’t even listen to my music, she was just listening to it to make her sister happy. Then she smiled and brightened my whole world. I turned her down for a date even though everything screamed at me to say yes. The next day we literally ran into each other again. I couldn’t say no again.” Lena continues like that, sharing how Kara gave her hope that she could find the love she long thought she didn’t deserve. How magical everything had been since they met.

“The first couple missed and canceled flights I didn’t think anything of. I mean, I was asking a lot for you to put your life on hold to see me. But then you started not returning phone calls or texts. The another missed flight. I didn’t know what to think. Was I not good enough, did you get a few free trips across the world and that was it or was the paparazzi just getting to you and I wasn’t worth it? So I started talking to my only friend and she thought the same things. I couldn’t keep putting myself through that and so when you missed another flight, I ended it. I know voicemail is a shitty way to break up with someone, but what else would I have done? I hadn’t seen you in weeks and so many phone calls had gone unanswered.  And then I went drinking with Sam, right back into my horrible coping techniques. I was dancing and flirting and I actually almost went home with this couple, a very low point for me. Then Veronica showed up.” Lena sees Kara flinch at the memories she was bringing up but Kara continues to be silent.

“I don’t know what I was thinking. I wasn’t really. I just needed to feel something that wasn’t a wrenching pain in my heart. Veronica promised the numbness that filled me for years. And it worked for a few hours until there was a knock on my hotel door. I opened it to find you, bruised and bloodied, then you were gone as soon as Veronica made her presence known. By the time I had grabbed a robe to chase after you, the elevator had already closed.” Lena takes a steadying breath. She looks at Kara who stares at the pillow in her lap. Lena can see wet streaks on her cheeks. It hurt Lena to hurt Kara all over again.

“After that, I spiraled pretty hard. Drugs and drinking. I scraped the album I had been working on and threw myself into my work to make the deadline. I saw Veronica a few more times, but then Sam and I got in a fight. Basically, it was sober up or forget seeing her and Ruby anymore. So, I did. After the album release, I moved in with them. I never had a place to call home before, never had somewhere to miss when I am traveling. In a very short amount of time, I found that with them. In all that I was also given LexCorp in the wake of my brother's arrest, which I turned over to be run by my personal assistant Jess because she was way more qualified than I am. Since then I have just been trying to figure out what I want for my future. I am taking a break from the music and touring. I think I will sell Jess my controlling shares and let her do with the company what she will.”

Lena continues to relay the events of the fundraiser and of the kidnapping. All too soon she is describing her decision for therapy and it leaves them sitting quietly in a room with a silence that is too loud. The doctor’s pen stops scratching as she lets both Lena and Kara process what has been said.

“Can I… Can I say something?” Kara directs her question at Doctor Hamilton. She nods.

“Lee, I know that how I treated you was awful. You questioned yourself because of me. But I think you did the one thing you knew would hurt me the most, whether or not I saw you with Veronica. You knew how my last boyfriend cheated on me, and yes you may have broken up with me over voicemail, but it still felt the same. Actually, it felt worse because… because… I… what we had was real.”

“I thought that too. Until I became an afterthought. Until you forgot about me for some personal crusade to save this city. You lied to me over and over again, you may not have slept with someone else but you cheated on me. You kept this vigilante a secrete like a dirty mistress.”

Kara sits back at the venom in Lena’s voice. She hadn’t thought about it that way at all. Lena settles back in the chair after saying her piece.

“Lena, tone it down just a bit. Kara is entitled to her feelings, as you are entitled to yours. Kara, do you have any other feelings to make known?” Kara shakes her head.

“Lena?” Lena shakes her head as well.

“Okay then. I think that is enough for today. I want you two to go home tonight and really think about what has happened. I want you to think about what you want from this therapy and each other. You both need definitive answers. If, if , you both want to continue your relationship together then I will strongly recommend a slow process of building trust and friendship before even broaching a romantic topic. But you both have to want it. And it will take time. So please consider your decision strongly.”

Both women nod at the doctor's advice and stand to be shown out. Lena heads to her waiting car with the agent holding the door open.

“Wait, Lena!” Kara calls.

Lena turns to her, trying to keep her face blank. Kara hesitates and Lena raises an eyebrow at her.

“Just… Thank you. For this. And for letting me tell you everything. I have wanted to do that for a long time. So, thank you.”

Lena nods, not trusting her voice and climbs into the vehicle. Kara stays huddled on the street against brisk winter wind. She watches the black SUV pull away and she swears she sees Lena look back at her through the darkly tinted glass.

[readbeneaththelines]

Giving Him Control Pt. 9

A/N: The contract between a Dom and a Sub can be vital to prevent any misunderstandings or complications in the relationship. It can be negotiable, and can include whatever is agreed upon between both parties.

Characters: Ravi x Reader

Warnings: soft Ravi?, maybe fluff?

Word Count: 1905

Please remember, this is NSFW. There is the Dom/Sub aspect of the characters, so if that is a trigger, please proceed at your own discretion.

Definition of contract

 (Entry 1 of 3)

 : a binding agreement between two or more persons or  parties  especially one legally enforceable                                                                                                      : a business arrangement for the supply of goods or services at a fixed price  make parts on contract                                                                                            : the act of marriage or an agreement to marry                                                      : a document describing the terms of a contract

You wanted to get each thing written down, that way you knew your ‘role’ and his, what you could and couldn’t do, and what exactly he could and couldn’t do as punishments. You wanted to take this ‘agreement’ seriously, for both your sakes. No guilt from you or him. If you were going to make this work, you had to know your position, just like at any job. Even though you liked Ravi, a lot, you didn’t want him to second guess choosing you. To be honest, you were willing to play any ‘role’ in order to get to his heart, to find out about his secrets, and to break through his walls. Whatever it took.

Grabbing your coffee, you started for the study, him following behind you. You pulled a chair up to his desk, reaching for a pen and some paper. He came around, sitting in his chair, watching you with a serious expression.

“What are you doing?” he asked.

“I am going to write down what I expect from you as your submissive. I want you to take your own pen and paper, and do the same. When we are done we then write down our expectations as far as our ‘relationship’. Finally, we are going to talk about what our limits are for each other, such as the no touching and punishments, etc. There are things I am willing to try, but there are also things that I am not budging on, and I will list those. Same for you, I expect.”  you continued to ramble as you began jotting things down.

 Putting pen to paper, he started his own lists. It took you both almost an hour to finish. He handed his lists to you, wanting you to review them.

“If there is something that you think is out of line, make a note next to it. We can discuss those things later.” he took your paper and began reading.

What I Expect From You

1: Treat me with respect

2: Be understanding, I am new to this, you aren’t

3: Give me free time each week, even if it’s just a few hours

4: Ask for my input on decisions that involve me

4: If I am deserving of punishment, refer to my limits

5: If I make a mistake, explain what I did wrong so I will know in the future

6: Talk to me, we need to communicate in order to learn about each other

What I Expect From Myself

1: I will respect you and trust you

2: I will do my best to understand you

3: I will keep myself healthy, letting you know if I do not feel well

4: I will follow your directions, to the best of my ability

5: I will strive to better myself, aiming to please you

6: I will keep my mind and body in the best physical condition, so that I am able to please you

7: I will talk to you if I have any concerns with our agreement

Limits That I Have

Soft:

Sexual toys, except for a vibrator, being used without my consent

All extremities tied down

Sex during my monthly cycle

Choking or being gagged

Staying naked during  normal daily routine

No videos or photographs without my consent

No third party, again without my consent

No marking me in places that I can’t cover

Hard:

 Physical Abuse of any kind

No degrading or derogatory name calling

Anal sex, even with toys

Slavery

Giving me to someone else, sexually or otherwise

Depriving me of basic needs

Neglect

Our Relationship

1: I expect to be called either your friend or girlfriend, not your submissive

2:  Treat me with the same respect as you would the aforementioned labels

3: If you decide to end this relationship/agreement, you will allow me time to find other living and financial arrangements

4: If this relationship/arrangement is ended, we will not seek further contact with each other

Once you had completed your lists, you turned them over and set them aside. You waited patiently as he finished his. Setting his pen down, he then flipped his own pages over. Sliding them to the side, you both reached for the other's paper, flipping them over to read. 

What I Expect From You

I expect you to be accepting of your role. I know this is new for you, but please set forth the effort to fully accept the role and rules.

I want dedication from you. Not in a give your everything way, but dedicate yourself to this agreement. This will take work, dedicate yourself to making this work as hard as I do.

Be honest with me. In everything, I want complete honesty. If we don’t communicate, this will not work and someone will get hurt.

Effort in completing the tasks I set forth for you. Give your best, willingly, to comply with my expectations in any given situation.

Trust me. You are new to this, I am not. I will teach you how to be my submissive, trust that your best interests, along with mine, are important to me. I will do my best to keep you safe and cause no harm to you.

I need you to be patient with me, just as I will be patient with you. I am still learning about you, your wants, desires, needs. Give me time to learn these, and I will give you time to learn mine.

This is a relationship of sacrifice. You are expected to sacrifice your own self in order to please me. In turn, I will sacrifice my time, on occasion, to please you. But you must remember, my wants and needs come first. (See amendment A)

A: You are allowed to forgo my needs if your health, be it physical, emotional, or mental, is in jeopardy. This will be discussed if the need arises.

I  expect you to maintain your health and body. Keep yourself well groomed and manicured, as I see fit, at all times. Your cycles does not give an excuse to disregard your appearance.

You should always be prepared to please me sexually. (See amendment A)

A: During cycles, you may receive reprieve from sexual activity. This shall be discussed as needed.)

My Limits:

Soft Limits:

Role Play/Reversal

Third Party Participants

Sex Toys except for Vibrators, Straps, cuffs, and Cat-Of-Nine-Tails

Breath Play

Touching my face

Hard Limits:

No Touching of my chest, stomach, ankles 

Fire/Ice Play

Watching me have sex with another person

Oral sex with a vibrator, or strap on

Anal Sex

Our Relationship/Agreement:

I am not looking for an emotional relationship, I need you to understand that first and foremost. We have agreed to this, on mutual terms, as something you want to explore. I have personal reasons for what I expect and why I need this form of agreement. I will address you as either my friend or partner, since very few people know of my situation. I would ask that you do not tell anyone of our agreement, I keep my life private, please keep it private too. I will treat you as anyone in a ‘normal relationship’ would be treated. I will spoil you when you are good, treat you to trips and special ‘you days’ as you deserve and earn them. There will be punishments for you mistreating my treats for you or for misbehaving. We may appear as a couple, but do not explain it as that. Respect my wishes, please. Anything mentioned in our contracts are up for negotiation as time proceeds. We will discuss these changes before adding them to our contracts. If either of us choose to end this agreement, we shall part ways, allowing no contact or breach of this contract. Neither participant shall disclose details of this agreement at any time during or after said agreement.

Picking up your pen, you immediately signed his terms of agreement. He watched your curiously, raising an eyebrow.

“Do you not have any questions? You are willing to accept what I set forth without argument? That’s very bold of you, considering you are new to this.”

“You said things are up for negotiation, as of right now I don’t see anything that needs negotiating.” you returned dryly.

With a smile and a nod, he in turn signed your agreement. Taking both packs of paper, he clipped them together and placed them in an envelope. Opening the safe beneath his desk, he placed the envelope in and locked it back.

“Well Y/N, now that that’s done, ready for your first lesson?” his smirk wide, eyes lit up with excitement.

“I thought you had to work today. You can’t do much teaching if you have to leave soon.”

“Oh, but my dear, I can. I have scheduled you at the salon and spa for this afternoon. They know exactly what I want you to have done. I expect to come home to a well manicured, deeply scrubbed, and pampered body. You will not cut any length from your hair, but you may color it any natural color close to your own. You may go lighter or darker, but no shade change. When I get home, I expect my favorite drink to be waiting. You will be dressed with the clothes I have selected for tonight dinner, hair down, make-up natural. You will cover all marks you have that are visible, even if they may be seen, cover them.”

“Anything else? And what shall I call you at home? Sir or Ravi?”

“I told you before, I am not a master or formal person to you. Ravi at home and with friends, Wonsik when we are at dinners and formal events. If you slip up, that will be punishable.”

“What shall I say if someone at one of these events asks me about our relationship ? What do I tell them?”

“Tell them that we are childhood friends, and you are in town for a long visit and I invited you.” he nodded at you, waiting for you to nod back in understanding.

You threw on some regular clothes, knowing you would be mostly undressed at the salon and spa treatments. He dressed up, wearing an all black matte suit, with a pink Oxford shirt and tie that matched. When he was fixed up, his aura gave off the allure of confidence and sex appeal. He gathered his briefcase and keys, calling for you to leave. You ran down the stairs, meeting him at the door. 

“I will arrange for someone to pick you up after your appointment. Do not leave them waiting, please.” he informed you as he started the car.

“What time shall I expect you home?” you asked while looking out of the passenger window.

“I will be sure to call you when I am leaving.”

When he stopped in front of the salon, he grabbed your hand. You turned to face him before opening the door.

“Have a good time today and try to relax. I will see you later.” he lifted your hand to kiss your knuckles.

With a nod, you were out the door, you trying to hide your blushing face. You gazed into the storefront window, nervous about what he had scheduled for you. Turning back to the car, you smiled and gave him a thumbs up. With that you headed off into the small building.

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