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#and how it isn’t just reading
hobisexually · 2 years
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#I was at a fair all week#I don’t know how to talk about this really#but I met like 80 new people in the span of 72 hours#and I don’t have social anxiety#but I do have anxiety in general#and this entire week. just took so much out of me and I was confronted with myself So Much#I can do more than I think I can! true! but it requires complete compartmentalisation#and I’ve been shutting myself off from everyone since .#well since July basically after I got covid because my life got insanely hectic from that point on#and I’ve grown a lot. I have. I’m proud of the things I’ve done#but idk I find it hard to balance everything#and I find living just hard in general and even when I do these things like this fair#which was 2939:9;993 steps out of my comfort zone and I did WELL so yes I’m proud#but also I’m. frustrated with myself#and how difficult my brain decides to make things#and how disconnected I feel from everyone but how I don’t have the energy to do something about it#you know?#ah either way.#sometimes I wish I picked an easier job because no one seems to get how insane it is sometimes#and how it isn’t just reading#if it was that! it’d be fine#but every aspect that comes with it…… woof#idk the me from six years ago couldn’t have done any of this. she really couldn’t have#I was rereading conversations this morning and the me that I see there. holy hell I just want to wrap her in a hug#so I’m proud of what I’ve done in the mean time. I showed up for myself I really did#but sometimes I’m afraid I changed so much that I’ll lose everyone in the process#idk man post lockdown life is difficult#and my fear of covid is not gone by any means (not even after having had it) but we’re meant to continue on as before#and I can’t rhyme those two things together#ah. this is nonsensical and doesn’t even touch on 1% of what I was trying to say but WHATEVER
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rendevok · 1 year
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favorite thing ♡
the inspo:
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aaaaand some inner dialogue for your viewing pleasure:
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justaz · 2 months
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arthur being able to feel merlins magic whenever he uses it bc it makes him feel all warm and tingly and at first he's stumped about it and goes to morgana for advice bc hello?? merlin makes him feel weird?? and its only merlin. it only happens when he's around. it's gotta be his fault. and morgana is like "lol nerd you like him" and he's like "oh fuck" bc he has the emotional intelligence of a walnut and begins to notice the warm and fuzzy feeling grows stronger the closer merlin is and is like "welp. im screwed" and then a magic reveal later and arthur notices the feeling happens whenever merlin uses magic and he's like "oh. thank god." and finally realizes the feeling was merlin's magic, not that arthur has feelings for him. it becomes the new norm and then merlin is dressing him for the day and makes a stupid joke before ducking arthur's hand that was going to cuff his ear, he laughs and walked around behind arthur and the warm, fuzzy feeling returns and he's like "stop. no cheating." and merlin is confused and arthur's like "i can feel you using magic, idiot. remember?" and merlin is like "i'm not using magic tho" and arthur scoffs like "alright, sure, whatever you say."
THIS becomes the new norm of merlin and arthur bantering and then arthur accusing him of using magic and merlin insisting that he isn't. then finally the feeling happens when merlin is staring directly at arthur, comforting him in a moment of vulnerability, and arthur can see his eyes remain blue but he feels as he normally does when merlin uses magic. he still accuses merlin of using magic but merlin just rolls his eyes and once again insists that he isn't, arthur can literally see when he uses magic bc his eyes flash gold. did they flash gold just now? hm? did they arthur? arthur then rebuts "then why did i feel all warm and fuzzy?" and merlin blinks thrice before grinning like the cat who caught the canary. he won't tell arthur about his feelings for merlin, he'll let him flounder for a bit. it's always fun to watch him be an idiot and as much as he wants to kiss his stupid face bc finally (finally) his feelings are reciprocated, it's enough for now to know that arthur feels the same. arthur is infuriated that merlin won't tell him. merlin is highly amused at his stupid not yet boyfriend
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maddymoreau · 1 year
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Thinking about how Diavolo’s feelings transcend time and how in the Nightbringer UR+ card Demon Lord’s Castle Tour this conversation happens.
When asked, “Do you wish to see your father?”
Diavolo responds:
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“I suppose I do . . .” isn’t the typical reaction to how a child would feel about wanting to see their parent. Especially when said parent has essentially been in a coma for a year.
Along with how Diavolo describe his father.
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It makes more sense why when you learn in Lesson 56 how Diavolo was treated by him growing up.
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Diavolo can tell when others are lying but is unable to understand his father’s intentions.
Diavolo mentions that he lived a very sheltered life growing up. That from a young age his father never allowed him a chance to talk to anyone outside the castle.
His childhood friend was Mephistopheles. A demon literally RAISED to be his friend. Putting a barrier between the two because Mephistopheles would put Diavolo on a pedestal.
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The isolating childhood he experienced riddled with his strict father constantly scolding him.
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Despite everything MC is so important to him he wants to see his father again so we can meet.
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keferon · 1 month
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*clasps your shoulders gently and looks you straight in the eye*
Keferon. Please read Ninth by Kyn on AO3. I think you would love it very much. It has a large chapter count, but don't be intimidated, it's very easy to get into. It is currently unfinished, but is being updated regularly.
You are the seventh person that recommended this fic to me so ahahahaha yeah
I’m doing great Help I hate some parts of it but I love the other parts I’m spinning in the blender
…..I made the moodboard….
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#chapter 37#of 120 or something#I must be like 90k words in haha#large word count is not an intimidation. It’s an invitation haha#I love the fics that I can’t read in just one hour:)#I gotta say I don’t enjoy the concept of making robots into organic life#it’s just my preference#seeing them as humans or animals or whatever feels so fucking wrong#the concept itself drives me off#like. Strongly#But at the same time. This fic isn’t about them being ‘haha cute organics’#it’s ‘oh god. I was turned into something I’m not’#instead of teeheee they’re fluffy#it’s please free me from this fucking nightmare. please let me be myself again.#idk how to explain. I resonate I guess#it often feels very disturbing but the characters are also disturbed#So now I’m kind of stuck reading this fic because I just can’t stop lol#just politely skipping the parts that make me too uncomfortable#also#the body horror is….damn. Impressive. I didn’t expect to read about grotesque fleshy creature turning itself inside out#it’s not even aesthetic or symbolic#it literally looks like a fucking nightmare. Which is impressive also.#the flesh is g r o s s#the beginning got me struggling and skipping#but the intermission is currently ruining my sleep schedule#oh fuck….I usually send my posts to the authors of the fics I read…..but I feel like I might offend the author of Ninth if do this……..#there’s a tiny chance they’re following me….if it’s true then I wanna tell I’m sorry pls don’t take this seriously#your fic got me waay out of my comfort zone#huge points for writing Ratchet. Drift in this fic is…the grossest fucking thing I could probably imagine but Ratchet doesn’t even hesitate#he helps him and he cares for him. Which is…..imma be real my first instinct would be to set Drift on fire to end his misery
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otaku553 · 1 year
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Haha
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Danny’s parents want to kill him and he’s like “f in the chat y’all dinner boutta be so awkward tonight smh”
Ok so I know everyone loves the angsty headcannons where Danny is terrified of his parents cuz they wanna kill him but we’ve had that hot take since 2005 I’m here for a source material revival, the much more entertaining “Danny’s parents want to kill him and he actively doesn’t give a fuck”
CUZ UH, IM REWATCHING THE FIRST SEASON AND I FORGOT HOW GENUINELY BLASÉ HE IS ABOUT MADDIE AND JACK TRYING TO GET HIS ASS ITS SO FUNNY.
Like mom holding a literal ghost gun to his head: eh kinda unphased he even has time to quip, his parents say they wanna tear em to pieces: meh see u guys at dinner, LIKE OUR GUY IS SO UNPHASED HE THINKS THIS SHIT IS FUNNY! (s1 ep. 14 public enemy)
And he’s unphased despite knowing his parents tech works and knowing that his mother is actually a good shot. So like I love angst Danny and y’all should keep up the good work but where is my s1 Danny ‘COULDN’T give less of a fuck about his parents’ Fenton representation?
Cuz think of this, for your DPXDC AU consideration, Danny would fit in so well with the bat gang if only because they could try to stab, shoot, capture, brainwash, and stalk him and he’d be like “oh cool villain of the week shit? Nice, what’re we having for lunch.” He. Wouldn’t. Flinch.
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ricky-mortis · 3 months
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Curtwen Week Day 6: Happy Ending
#I like to believe that there is a universe where they get to grow old together#just one#look once upon a time I read a fic that had me bawling my fuckin eyes out where they get to grow old together#I do want to say that I believe in personal growth and I think that Curt can 100% have a happy ending without Owen- where he can grow#away from that experience and where he can healthily cope with the trauma he ended up with#where he can find solace in something other than alcohol and where he can find it in himself to forge new relationships and build his#connections with people like Tatiana#etc etc#I just want to make it known that this is one of many happy endings that could happen#(amongst the several sad ones that I know also exist)#ALSO I wanted to draw the old men and I do what I want#but yeah something something if the universe is infinite /ref#maybe this is a universe where the banana incident never happened and they were able to retire together#ough#the curtwen feels are really getting me today#I adore them#also I used a new brush ive been having fun with this past week#doesn’t it look cool?#I really like drawing with it and I like how it looks so#we might be seeing more of this one in the future#although 6b is still my guy#damn y’know hypothetically- if Owen (depending on the au) and Curt lived to be in their 60s (at least) they would witness the first Pride#god can you imagine that?#At the very least Curt being around for stonewall and everything that came after that with queer rights#FUCK anyways#fun fact: a group of frogs is called an army#isn’t that cute#reminds me of that one person on TikTok that raised like a thousand frogs- they had a literal army of frogs#crazy#curtwen week
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clementine-kesh · 3 months
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b’elanna torres is a character you really can’t fully understand without using a racial lens, and that means confronting the ways in which she’s constantly othered by those around her. if you’re ignoring the racism hoisted on her by tom, janeway, or the doctor you’re not going to get the full picture of how bigotry permeates her daily life and shapes her into the person she is. how bigotry isn’t just something enacted by nebulous, malicious actors, but by ordinary people in our everyday lives. you’re not going to be able to read as deeply into her character and give her the complexity and nuance she deserves
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sevenines · 6 days
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i saw this tweet and found it interesting for two reasons. one is that some people base how good cartoon network would be to toh by how it treated su, and despite the fact that su’s treatment by the network was considered poor at the time, now its thought to be exceptionally good in comparison to modern shows.
two is how exactly su got impacted by a limited budget. a common criticism is how characters like connie, peridot, and lapis are left out of missions. but balancing a lot of characters is not only hard but also costly (extra animation, extra voices—it’s been revealed that the show is limited to a set number of characters per episode otherwise they’re over budget). animation mistakes are not uncommon since retakes cost extra. the entire reason the original show got cut short was due to loss of funding!
#i don’t know if pay rates differ per networks#but a.ivi and s.urrashu have said that they needed to work outside of su in order to make sufficient funds#it only makes me wonder what other ways su suffered from a lower budget#that we as the audience never got to see#in the vein of the too-little characters complaint#another part of that is that low-stakes episodes should’ve been abt the main cast instead of the townies#like last one out of beach city and too short to ride vs restaurant wars and kiki’s pizza delivery service#i definitely see that especially since that isn’t budget related#nor would it seem to be network related (even if cn had an ‘episodic episodes’ quota it could still be abt the gems#(another side note: /would/ cn even have a requirement that the show make episodes that can be watched standalone?#this is a question for the people who were around when su was airing#what episodes often got rerun?#was it the townie eps or the lore eps?#for example i heard that su once did a ‘peridot event’ where they just reran peridot episodes#which had eps that skip around in the show#did they even care about airing the story so that it made sense anyways?#id get it if the low stakes townie episodes were the ones getting rerun))#but i have such a boring view on that which is i think it’s simply because the creators like townie eps#like in interviews r.ebecca s.ugar has said she’s the type to be really invested in background characters#answers in interviews have been crafted in ways to hide what’s really going on though tbf#prime example of this is rebecca and ian saying the wedding being interrupted was meant to follow the common trope#when later in the art book they said that it was bc cn rejected the ep bc it ‘wasn’t interesting enough’#both could simultaneously be true! it’s a psychology thing though where people make up nice-sounding explanations behind what they create#in retrospect because they want it to be thought out in such a nice way they believe in it#the bigger problem is that not matter how many episodes there are of them#it can be hard for ppl to be invested in the townies the same way they are invested in the main cast#i’m sure that a million writers have made surefire advice on how to get an audience to care about characters#but off the top of my head i think it’s because 1. most don’t have strong motivations to get truly invested in#(exception is ronaldo but people find him too annoying to care about him)#okay i had more points and explanations but i hit the tag limit and idk if anyone is actually reading this so bye
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jolapeno · 4 months
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tell me why I can’t stop thinking of post colombia!javi being in love with his childhood best friend—and why I’m reopening a wip oneshot of him going to her city to surprise her. only to fall more in love with her. tell me why. tell me.
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salmonwaterbottle · 22 days
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Can I just say one of the things I’ve not seen people talk about in God Games is one of things that set Zeus off and make him do what he did to Athena was that he was possibly feeling bad about what he did to Odysseus during Thunder Bringer (ie: fucking exploding his ship causing him to wash up on Calypso’s island) one of the things he says are “You dare defy me? To make me feel shame?” because that’s what she’s doing. Shes indirectly going against something he did and giving all these reasons why his act of “defending Helios” (ish) has had negative consequences and in turn convincing everyone else the same which makes him feel not only attacked but also feel possible remorse for something he did which he can’t cope with. So he doubles down.
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bluuscreen · 16 days
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i have ofc known about the same [anime] va thing for a little while because i like reading wiki pages but i have at last decided to do something with this information. so. half-ghoul taka
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tennessoui · 5 days
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it’s like baby gorl there’s no way I, the author who wrote the fic you’re commenting on and who is the intended audience for this comment, am gonna agree with you 😿🙏 some things can just stay on your chest 🙏
#there’s a threshold I think of what I accept in comments about characters#and their actions or about who is in the wrong or what should happen#because I do like reading people’s opinions#and sometimes when someone is like I didn’t like obi-wan in this fic#I’m like makes sense! maybe you weren’t supposed to or maybe the argument they had was supposed to not be clear cut on who is right#because arguments in real life don’t always have a clear cut winner or morally superior person lmao#I’m ok with that I’m ok with comments saying boo this character is annoying#because sometimes they just are (eg the amount of people who just don’t like obiwan in pbatmb like?? yeah of course he’s not gonna be nice#but I digress lol#anyway but there’s a threshold of when comments about not liking a character go too far and you’re just like.#saying mean things about the writing itself and that’s not something lm gonna allow to be normalized#no matter the intention behind it#you do not type a comment like this knowing it wil be send to an author#who will get an email notification about a comment#click on it and go oooo long comment :D and then go oh.#you don’t do that it’s rude it’s being a jerk#I’ve been here for like 3 almost 4 years I feel ancient in this fandom sometimes#and I’ve gotten so much feedback on my work through that time and so many nice comments and community#but mean comments can really hurt especially new writers#and they can make people who maybe would write fic for a fandom decide to not#like this isn’t even that mean I can almost see the writer just wanting to say how they feel#but sometimes you do not have to 🙏#also I just think this understanding of the characterizations in the fic and probably their understanding of the characters in the films#is a wee bit trash but that’s for me to say in the long tags of my own blog post and not for me to comment on their fics for the fandom#(they don’t have any but I did check because 3am kit felt nosy)
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atopvisenyashill · 8 months
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Thoughts on the Alysanne is Maegor's daughter AU? I feel like it has some interesting potential, and it vastly recontextualizes different parts of Jaehaehae (I do not like him sjsjsjs) and Alysanne's relationship (such as Jaehaehae's treatment of their daughters) but I wanna hear what you think about it!
I’ve touched on this a bit before but since you actually want to hear my thoughts, allow me to present to you my Jaehaerys Is The Goddamn Worst, And Alysanne Annoys Me Too: An Essay lmao but my answer is basically “yeah all of what you just said.”
I think it makes Alysanne much more palatable (to me) as a character because as she stands, she just fixates on forcing her daughters through these fucked up marriages at too young an age bc it traumatized her to be married and pregnant at 15 too but she’d never admit that being a willing participant in her own kidnapping by her brother-husband was the single worst thing that ever happened to her, and because Alysanne doesn’t want to admit it (and Jaehaerys would never see it as wrong or a mistake) F&B really shies away from delving into the fact that Alysanne is as deranged of a mother as Cersei is. So as she stands, she’s very flat to me because she’s presented very flatly and inconsistently. She’s so in love with Jaehaerys, she’s maritally raped by Jaehaerys, she’s a loving and doting mother, she forces her daughters into marriages when they’re the same too young age she was, she accuses her teenage girls of being scheming whores then gets angry when her husband accuses their teenage girls of being scheming whores, and worst of all we are just told “Maegelle tells them to make up so they do” so we don’t know why Alysanne gets over all of this. What is the point of riding a dragon when you never use that dragon to protect your daughters from unwanted teen marriages? We’re just not given a good enough justification for why her behavior is so weird and frustrating towards her daughters.
Make her Maegor’s daughter though…most of her behavior as an adult makes more sense. Like a worse version of Rhaenyra’s childhood almost - a father desperate for a son, but lowkey obsessed with his daughter, who makes all his hang ups about his parents the problems of every woman around him, except Maegor is out here blood sacrificing and torturing and starting wars and forcing babies on wives he discards quickly and brutally. Then here comes Jaehaerys on a white horse green dragon to save her from the horror her life has become, and he loves her so much he runs away with her even though Alyssa says they shouldn’t marry because people won’t like it. And they have beautiful children, and a beautiful marriage, and build a beautiful kingdom.
Then her pregnancies start getting dangerous. Gaemon, then Valerion, die. Alysanne thinks of the shriveled up mutants she called brothers, if Maegor’s taint has passed to her. Her perfect husband ignores her no, and forces Gael on her. Alysanne remembers that he said nothing to Rogar when Alyssa died, merely wept. Then her daughters start to die. Daella, Alyssa, Viserra, all within a few years. Then Jaehaerys makes Saera watch as he murders her boyfriend, calls her a whore, and says Alysanne cannot follow Saera to Lys. Alysanne thinks of Maegor torturing the Harroways over Alys’ presumed infidelity. Jaehaerys says he’s sorry, and her daughter badgers her into forgiving him, and she remembers how she helped Jaehaerys badger Alyssa into forgiving Rogar. Not two years later, Jaehaerys passes over Rhaenys. Alysanne thinks of how she was never enough for her father, how she felt so superior to Rhaena banished to Dragonstone and resented by Aerea, yet there she is dragging Gael away from court because she can’t stand to be with Jaehaerys. How her father was surrounded by dead women and dead babies and how Jaehaerys is surrounded by his own dead daughters, but surely she did the right thing, surely Maegor was worse, surely the realm is better off? Is he right to pass over Rhaenys? Is she enabling a man just as monstrous as her father? She will never decide, because Maegelle will guilt her about keeping Gael isolated at Dragonstone, and Alysanne will do as she’s told, just like Rhaena, and Alyssa, and Jeyne, Elinor, Ceryse, Alys, and Tyanna, just like every one of her daughters.
I do get why Alysanne is Alyssa & Aenys’ and not Maegor’s. The weird Targ babies, the line not descending from Visenya, Jaehaerys and Alysanne being held up as the perfect Targaryen couple specifically because they are brother and sister and dragon riders. I do even think canon Alysanne is likely traumatized by her time as a hostage on Dragonstone, and the ensuing war, and the trauma bond that caused with Jaehaerys, and it makes her idolize Jaehaerys, and then he isolates her at Dragonstone so he can swiftly and safely marry, groom, and knock her up. It’s not like,,,, a fun time, and it’s enough to make anyone crazy and weird about their daughters, but I think having her father be Maegor makes Alysanne herself much deeper because it gives her, as the most beloved Targaryen queen, a blood tie to the most hated Targaryen king, and a marriage to the most beloved Targaryen king. It fits better with a lot of the themes of the main series (again, imo) - forcing the spotlight on the outsiders to see how the affect the story from behind the scenes. The fall of Aegon’s sons, and The Long Reign, not told from the PoV or to serve the PoV of any of the kings or princes, but of the queen that tied them all together.
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marimbles · 5 months
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does anyone else obsessively scroll through their own art tag or reread their own fics scrutinizing every detail and trying to determine whether it’s Actually Good or not or am I just a freak lol
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