#and i don't know where to begin to explain

[rhettrosunsets]

My Only Girl

Pairing: Bob Reynolds X F!Reader

Category: Fluff! Fluff! And more Fluff!

Summary: When your boyfriend wanders off in the middle of the night when he should be asleep next to you, you go off to find him.

Masterlist

Word Count: 1350

Warnings: Mentions of wearing Bob's shirt, mention of proposal, no mention of Y/N, No mention or description of what reader looks like, Use of pet names like Baby, Sweetheart, My Love, etc. (I think thats it? if not please let me know, so I know for future reference!)

Notes: This is my first time writing a Fan-Fiction since I was probably fourteen, so I hope it's good! I'm getting back into the swing of things, so any and all feedback would be amazing.

"Bob?”

You mumble tiredly, your hand reaching out for where your boyfriend should be asleep next to you, tapping around his side of the bed, only to feel a cold pillow that had shifted in the night, replacing where your boyfriend had been laying earlier that evening.

"Mmm" you whine out softly as you open your bleary eyes, blinking a few times, trying to get your vision to focus.

"Baby..?" You ask softly, your voice heavy with sleep as you sit up, pushing onto your elbow to look around your shared bedroom. You notice his dark blue sweater still hanging off the side of the chair, evidence of the laundry that you have both been procrastinating for a few days, seemingly mocking you every-time you look at it.

You groan softly to yourself, rubbing your eyes as you finally turn to look at the clock on your nightstand, noticing it’s almost four in the morning. With a quiet huff, you slide out of bed, your feet hitting the cold wood floors. You wince at the cold contact, your body still warm and fuzzy from the peaceful sleep you’ve woken up from. 

You reach down onto your floor and grab Bob’s oversized shirt that he threw off earlier that night, quickly covering yourself, before opening your bedroom door, hearing the soft creak of the hinges. You tread down the hallway, the floorboards occasionally creaking, as you step into the living area, noticing Bob sitting on the couch drinking some tea and reading a book you had gotten him, your favorite fuzzy blanket thrown over his lap half haphazardly.

Bob looks up as you walk into the living room, his gaze softening immediately as he sees your body still heavy with sleep, your weary but soft eyes looking at him.

"Hey."

You murmur quietly as you walk over to the couch, not wanting to disrupt the peaceful atmosphere. You sit next to him as he gently tosses the throw blanket over your bare legs, seeing the slight effect of the chill beginning to form.

"What are you doing up, M’love? It's almost four in the morning." You ask as you curl into his side, accepting his open arm as an invitation.

Bob smiles softly, as you curl into him. His large hand absentmindedly beginning to rub over your shoulder in a soothing motion, as he looks down at you. His gaze is filled with a soft gaze, his eyes flickering as they take in your drowsy form, bringing a soft smile to his lips.

"Couldn't sleep." He says, gently tugging you even closer to his chest. “Didn’t wan’ to wake you up, sweetheart. You looked comfortable, and I know you’ve been needing to catch up on sleep yourself. Been working too hard.” he says in a low gentle tone, drawing out his words slightly, in that soft tone of his that you’ve always adored.

You smile against his chest, your hand gently playing with the fabric of his soft t-shirt. Your heart twisting with affection for the man you get to call yours, as he explains his reasoning for being in the living room so late. It was always like Bob to think of your needs first, always letting you know how loved you are, how important you are to him, and how far he’s willing to go to make sure you always know that you're his first priority, never letting you doubt for a moment his affection for you.

"Still, I don't like you being up this late by yourself." You murmur sleepily, your hand now tracing shapes against his chest aimlessly. "You need your rest too. Y’know, invincible or not." 

Bob huffs out a quiet laugh “I promise you, I'm fine, sweetheart." He reassures you, his touch tender and careful, as he holds you close to him, his soft smile making it seem like he was holding the world in his arms. “I’ve had my tea, and I've got my best-girl in my arms. It can’t get much better than this.” He says chuckling, seeing the soft glare you throw his way, knowing you don’t mean any malice behind it.

“Better be your only girl, Reynolds”

You huff out, looking away from his soft gaze.

Bob chuckles much louder this time, his chest vibrations gently moving you, as he laughs. "You know you're my one and only, sweetheart." He says looking at you, an amused glint in his eyes. He grabs your chin, tugging on it softly to make you look at him again. "And don't you ever forget it, future Mrs. Reynolds.” He whispers with a soft smirk, a much bolder move from the once shyer boyfriend Bob had been when you had first gotten together.

You blush, scoffing as you bury your face back into his T-shirt, not wanting him to see that he’s won your little battle. “Lotta’ talk for someone who hasn’t put a ring on my finger yet.” you say, softly muffled by his t-shirt, but you can feel the vibrations of his laugh, looking up just in time to see his head thrown back, eyes closed and hair messily tousled from the movement.

Bob peers back down, looking you in the eyes, smiling to himself, a soft glint seemingly appearing in his gaze that you can’t quite make-out the meaning of. “Alright, sweetheart. C’mon.” He says as he sits up, bringing you with him before quickly standing up, and pulling you up, blanket and cup discarded as he begins to walk back towards your bedroom.

"Aren't you still wide awake, m'love?” You ask concerned, not wanting him to go back to bed for just your sake. 

He hums softly, as he leads you across the cool hardwood floor, his arm wrapped tightly around your shoulder, pulling you against his side as you walk, his warmth radiating through the thin T-shirt you stole from the floor. The low tone of his voice is soothing to your ears “I think i’ll be able to fall asleep just fine after my tea. And the idea of getting to hold my girl is much more appealing than sitting out there by myself for any longer.”

Your lips softly quirk up, as he pushes your bedroom door open, gently guiding you over to your bed, before laying down with you. 

He opens up his arms, whispering a soft “C’mere Baby” beckoning you over, as you happily curl into his chest, resting your head on his chest, hearing the gentle thumping of his heartbeat. He wraps his arms around you, his hands beginning to draw soft patterns and shapes across your lower back, as your breath begins to slow, and you relax into his hold.

“I hope y’know i’m holding you to that future Mrs. Reynolds promise.” You mumble out, your voice heavy with sleep. Bob’s soothing hold making it impossible for you to stay awake for much longer. 

Bob chuckles, his eyes peering down at you resting on his chest, his hand coming up to gently run his thumb across your cheek, smiling wide at how you lean into his touch, “Wouldn't've said it, if i didn't mean it sweetheart. Now get some rest sweetheart, you need it.” he whispers soothingly into your ear, watching you drift off in his hold.

Bob smiles to himself as he leans back on his pillow, looking up at the ceiling, his hands still drawing soft shapes on your back. He knew he wasn’t going to be able to fall asleep for at least a few more hours, but he knew you wouldn’t go back to sleep, and that you’d just be worrying if he didn’t come back to bed with you. Seeing you in his arms, asleep, safe, and soothed by his touch makes up for any lack of sleep he may feel in the morning.

His gaze leaves the ceiling, and as he turns his head, and peers over to his nightstand drawer, where a ring has been sitting for a few weeks now, hidden amongst many other items. Bob lips quirk up in a soft sort of smirk, before he leans down, kissing your forehead and whispering softly 

“My only girl.”

[butyoudidthis4what]

You could do it with me.

Jack Abbot x F!Reader - Best friends to lovers!!!!!!!

11.1k || All my content is 18+ MDNI || CW: quickly resolved angst; patient death; coding that veteran for two hours; reference to DUI; suicidal ideation; discussion of Jack's injury; reader wants marriage and kids (I know this is not everyone’s fave or something everyone wants, but I needed it for the storyline so I’m sorry if it's not your thing); reader and Jack are idiots; reference to Shen’s wedding; reference and allusion to sex; allusion to masturbation; reader is briefly held hostage with a knife to her neck and gets a very light cut; mention of drugs generally; mention of demerol; blood; no use of y/n or related

This is for the A Doctor a Day event hosted by @ananonymousaffair, @clubsoft and @letsgobarbs. Thank you for hosting such an awesome event! My prompt was "You are the very beating and pulse of my heart" and my color was black!

Summary: A message from your college ex changes everything.

AN: I love best friends to lovers. I love when they're so god damn blind to each other's romantic love and interest. I love when they do things that are so beyond what best friends (generally) do. Also for the record I do think people of opposite genders can just be platonic best friends. I challenged myself to stay under 10k and lost, but I was really close so I'm taking it. For some reason I really ended up struggling with this and don't really love or even necessarily particularly like how it came out in the end. I'm just very unsure about it. Could not articulate why to save my life. I hope it ended up coming out and reading okay. I really appreciate you taking the time to read and hope you enjoy!

You met Jack Abbot on the first day of your intern year, night shift.

He was an R4, but with the way he carried himself and practiced and the fact that he was older, you assumed he was your attending. You were both drawn to each other immediately. For both of you it was pretty much love at first sight and interaction. Neither of you could explain why if asked. It just was. By the end of your first twelve hours knowing each other you were in love with each other. 

Not, of course, that either of you told the other that. Because there was no way the other would feel the same. So instead you became best friends, almost instantly. Like after two weeks everyone had noticed how close you were. People hadn’t started assuming you were together at that point but they were assuming it was heading in that direction. 

Your reasons for not telling each other were slightly different then. For you, you were new and an intern to Jack’s R4, were quite sure Jack was not interested in you like that and, even that early on, having him in your life as a best friend was better than losing him and not having him in your life at all. For Jack, he was an R4 and you were an intern, plus he was older than you and missing a foot, he truly believed you weren’t and would never be into him like that and, as it was for you, even that early on, having you in his life as a best friend was better than losing you and not having you in his life at all.

And for a while you really were just best friends. But then over time you both seemed to greatly expand your definition of best friends. And after a while you were doing almost everything a couple did except for kissing and having sex and admitting feelings and saying you loved each other. To you and Jack though, it was all just being best friends, all things best friends did. 

The true beginning of that expansion was the first time you spent the night at Jack’s house, about three months after you met. 

Jack is confused when he sees you sitting at the hub eating the other half of the granola bar you’d started and not finished last night. It’s strange because he just assumed you guys would grab breakfast so why would you be eating. “Aren’t you off?” he asks you as he walks up to where you’re sitting.

“I am, but I just got a text from my neighbor that the AC in my apartment building is broken and won’t be fixed until this evening so I’m just gonna hang here.” You shrug. “Maybe work, maybe try to catch some sleep in the on-call room and then head home and pray it’s working.”

It has been disgustingly hot and humid the last week or ten days and being in your AC-less apartment on the fifth floor during the day was simply not happening. You’d rather be at the hospital getting shitty sleep in the on-call room or working. 

“Wasn’t this last shift our sixth straight night on?” Jack asks, with a raise of his brows.

“Indeed it was,” you sigh. “Pretty irritating because I would just like to go sleep. But what can you do? I’m not going home to sleep in this heat.”

“Yeah. No, you’re not.” It’s short, somewhere between disbelief and concern. “You’re not staying here either. Go grab your shit. You can crash at my place.” 

“Really?”

“No, I just said it to be a dick and take back the offer when you agreed.” Jack gives you a pointed really? look. “Yes, really. Now go get your shit before we both end up getting pulled back into something.”

“You don’t have to do that Jack, I’ll be fine. I wouldn’t want to intrude like that.” You shake your head at him a little. 

“I know I don’t have to offer, but you need to get some real sleep. I know you know that. You’ll make yourself sick. And you’re not intruding, you know that too.” Jack tilts his head at you.

“Aw,” you tease him a little, “are you worried about me?”

Jack rolls his eyes at you. You both know he is and that he does worry about you and that you worry about him. That’s what best friends do. “Okay, stay here then.” He shrugs.

“No, no. I’ll take you up on it if you’re still offering,” you say quickly. 

“I am.”

“Okay, let me grab my stuff.” You get up and head to the lockers, grab your things and make your way over to Jack. 

Once you’re out of the Pitt Jack turns to you as you walk towards your guys’ favorite breakfast spot. You haven’t discussed going there but it’s just unspoken at this point. “Why didn’t you just ask? How many times now have I told you you’re welcome at my place whenever? Open door or whatever. It’s not like you’ve never been to my place and don’t know I have a guest room.”

You shrug as he opens the door for you. “It felt like there was a difference between come over whenever and spend the night, or what’s our night, at my place.”

“Well there’s not,” he tells you as you slide into a booth sitting across from each other. “I’m telling you that now.”

Once you finish breakfast the two of you head to Jack’s place. Like Jack said, you’ve been to his place before. 

“You should take my bed,” Jack says once you’re at his place and both of you have set all your stuff down. “The guest bed mattress is really not the greatest. I need to replace it but nobody ever sleeps on it so I just haven’t gotten around to it.”

You’re thrown for a second at the prospect of sleeping in Jack’s bed. Even without him. “It’s alright, I don’t mind. My cheap mattress at home isn’t really the greatest.” 

“No seriously, you’ll probably wake up hurting.” He gives you a firm look. “Just let me take it.” 

“Oh, yes, because if it’s going to hurt the person who sleeps on it, the best idea is surely to give it to the older of the two of us.” You give him a look. 

“Did you just call me old?” Jack says in mock offence. 

“No, I just said you were older than me.” You soften a little. “I can tell your hip and back are hurting after six straight Jack.” You both know you’re right. This shift in particular he could really feel his hip and back compensating as his prosthetic caused him a little more pain than usual. “So just let me take the guest room.”

That makes Jack blush a little and you feel bad. You hadn’t meant to hit a nerve or make him self-conscious. “Hate than you can tell, but alright. You wanna shower before?” 

“If you don’t mind.”

“Wouldn’t have asked if I did. You’re going to have to use mine though. I don’t have any shampoo or whatever in the spare. And I’ll leave you a shirt and some boxers on my bed so you don’t have to get back into your scrubs.” He says it so casually, like he’s totally unaffected by it when he is in fact very, very affected. The thought of you in his clothes has him hardening. And the thought of wearing his clothes makes you feel warm and start to get slick between your thighs. 

You clear your throat. “Thank you.” 

Jack nods, flick his head to tell you to follow him and you do. He steps into his bathroom for a second and then comes back out. “Fresh towel and washcloth on the counter for you. I found a spare toothbrush too. Clothes will be on the bed. Shout if you need anything.”

It’s not until you’re in Jack’s shower squeezing some of his shampoo into your hand that you realize you’re going to smell like him at the end of this. You get even slicker between your legs at the thought and spend the entire shower telling yourself to stop thinking about him as anything other than your best friend. It doesn’t really work. 

And getting dried off and into Jack’s clothes does nothing to help the matter. His black shirt is oversized on you and he said boxers but he really meant boxer briefs which make you feel far closer to him in a way. 

You find Jack sitting on his couch reading. “Hey. Thank you for the shower and clothes.” Jack looks up at you and has to carefully control his reaction. He’s glad you’re far enough away that you don’t see the way his jaw clenches at how unbelievably hot you look in his clothes. It makes him feel possessive in a way he knows he shouldn’t. He’s also glad he’s sitting far enough away that you can’t see the bulge in his pants that starts to grow. 

“Of course.”

“I’m going to try and get some sleep. Wake me whenever you need me to leave.” Jack’s not waking you up. As far as he’s concerned you never need to leave. “And I hope you sleep well.” You give him a shy nod and turn to head back to the guest room. 

“Sleep well,” he calls after you. 

From then on, going to each other’s places after work slowly became a thing. By the end of your intern year it was far more common for you to end up at Jack’s place or him to end up at yours after work. Sometimes you’d spend what was your night at Jack’s, sometimes you wouldn’t. He only spent the night at yours once when you both fell asleep on your couch. You didn’t have a spare room and no way were you making Jack sleep on your couch and you knew he’d never accept your bed with you on the couch.

And then one day about a year and a half after meeting and being best friends both of you were clearly sore from your run of shifts and Jack floated the idea. 

“You wanna just sleep in my bed with me? It’s far more comfortable. And big enough so we don’t have to like… be particularly close or anything.” It takes a lot for him not to tack on ‘unless you want.’

“Oh.” His offer catches you by surprise. It feels like it should mean something, but best friends sleep in the same beds, right? It’s not that big of a deal. “Yeah, sure. That would be nice, thank you.” 

After you both shower you and Jack slide into his bed, staying respectfully at the edge of the side of the bed each of you is on. You wake up much closer, about a foot between you, and both of you have to fight the urge to snuggle into the other and try to use this opportunity to express your real feelings for each other.

After that, sleeping in the same bed became your usual thing. It opened up staying at your place more often after a while when you slowly started sleeping closer together since you had a smaller mattress. And before either of you knew it you had a drawer at Jack’s place and he had a drawer at yours, both of you had your toiletries in the other’s shower and on the other’s bathroom counter. It happened so naturally neither of you truly realized the implication for a while, and when you did you convinced yourselves that it was something best friends did.

You also convinced yourselves that getting ready in the bathroom together at the same time, bumping into each other and being close and Jack sometimes shirtless and you sometimes in just a bra and pants or shorts was something best friends did. And you wearing Jack’s clothes just because you liked to, not because you needed to borrow them, without asking him and wearing his shirt and boxer briefs to bed because they were comfortable was a best friends thing. So was Jack sleeping in just a pair of pajama pants and eventually just his boxer briefs in the same bed as you. Laying in his lap with your head on his chest cuddling or him snuggling up to you after a bad day as you watched a movie together was also just something best friends did. 

And then Jack had a really bad day. 

“Jack,” you say softly, moving your head down to try and get him to look at you as he keeps doing compressions. “We have to let him go.” Both you and Jack are sweaty, as are most of the people in the room with you. You’ve been coding the patient in front of you for two hours now. 

“Not your call to make,” he pants out. But it’s laced with anger and frustration. “You’re an R3 and I’m the attending. It’s not your call to make. So either keep running the code or get out.” It’s pretty close to snarled and makes you grimace. You and everybody in the room know that Jack’s anger and frustration isn’t truly at you. 

Jack knows you’re right but he can’t bring himself to stop. Because it’s unfair. It’s so fucking unfair. 

“Jack. Look at me.” He doesn’t stop compressions but he does lift his eyes to yours after a few seconds. “You know that I’m with you and just as aggressive as you. You know that if I thought for a second there was even the slightest chance of us getting him back I wouldn’t be telling you we have to let him go.” You nod at him, watch his jaw clench. The protective eye glasses he’s wearing might fool others into thinking that’s what’s making his eyes shiny but you know better. “He’s gone, Jack.” 

He just looks at you for another minute as he does compressions before he finally stops, panting hard. You both look up at the monitor. “Asystole,” you say quietly. You try to be quicker than Jack but aren’t and Jack’s the one to confirm with his stethoscope and you shut the monitor off. 

He pulls it away and puts it back on his neck as he speaks and glances at his watch. “Time of death 06:57.”

Jack is silent as he pulls his gloves, trauma gown and glasses off, tossing them in the biohazard bin before walking out. You tell everyone thank you before doing the same as Jack and walking out of the trauma room, head on a swivel as you look for him even though you’re pretty sure you know exactly where he is. It’s all but confirmed for you when you don’t see him in the immediate vicinity. 

It is confirmed when you step out onto the roof. You hate it when he stands on that side of the railing, it always scares the shit out of you because you always worry one day he’s going to do it. And if he was, today would likely be that day. You’re one of three people who work at the hospital other than Jack who knows that when it hit midnight seven hours ago it became the anniversary of the day of his injury. So yeah. With the significance of the day and the fact that you just coded a veteran for two hours, if he was going to do it, today seems like it could be the day. 

“You know you’re not allowed to leave me,” you call to him as you walk closer. Jack doesn’t say anything. “Seriously.” You reach the rail right behind him. “What the fuck am I gonna do if you jump?” 

Jack lets out a heavy sigh. “It’s unfair. It’s a fucking joke. Surviving over there to come back and be taken out by a drunk driver. Just like that.” He snaps his fingers as he says it. “What the fuck is the point? Of any of this anymore?” 

“It is unfair. And it’s pretty fucking cruel of the universe to have this happen ever, but especially to have it happen and put it in front of you today.” You let out a long breath. “And I don’t know what the point is either sometimes, or I lose sight of it. But I think the point is all the ones you can and do save and help, Jack. And if you jump then you can’t save or help anyone else. Civilian, service member or vet. You can’t teach others, pass on what you’ve learned. Every student and resident who comes through here would be worse off.” 

Jack knows you’re right. Some part of him wants to almost be mad at you for the way that you’re right and know what to say. He’s not though. He looks back at you a little to acknowledge he heard you. To tell you that you’re right and he knows it. 

“Will you come here, please, Jack?”

He gives a little shake of his head and lets out a shuddery breath before he turns and ducks under the rail so he’s standing right next to you. You turn into him and give him a hug. Jack returns it tightly and you can feel how hard he swallows. You know the last place he wants to show any further emotion is here so you pull out of the hug. 

“Let’s get out of here.” You grab Jack’s hand and start walking. Jack follows and the two of you only drop hands once someone else gets on the elevator with you. 

You guys manage to get out fairly quickly and unsurprisingly end up at Jack’s place. You take turns showering before crawling into bed together, both exhausted and ready to just pass out. You roll on your sides and look at each other. You know Jack needs to let some emotion out and you consider going to sleep in the guest room so he can be alone but the thought of him being alone today, especially after that code, makes you sad.

“Jack?” you say his name softly. He raises his eyebrows at you. “I know the real question you went up there looking for an answer to. Why were you the one to survive? And I’m not going to pretend to know the answer. I know this might be selfish of me, but I just want you to know that I’m really glad you were the one to survive.”

Jack’s mind spins. He can’t believe you knew that was the question. He can in a way, because it’s you and you always seem to know but part of him still can’t comprehend someone caring for him and knowing him how you do. And he wishes more than anything in the moment that he could kiss you. But he can’t. And he can’t risk losing you. His mind also spins trying to answer the question, why him, why did he survive over there, why does he survive over here? And it spins like it always does on this day, scenes of this day all those years ago playing in the background of his mind constantly.

He shakes his head a little at you, eyes glassy. He really didn’t want to cry. “You can come here, if you want, Jack.” 

Jack nods this time and slides over to you. You pull him close to you and wrap your arms around him as he buries his face in your neck and lets himself cry. You run your hands through his hair for the first time without even realizing it and keep doing it. Scratch at his scalp sometimes, play with the curls at the nape of his neck. You wish you could pull his head from your neck and kiss him, tell him you love him and have him know you mean it as more than just a friend. 

After that it became your guys’ normal. Cuddling together in bed, sleeping tangled up together or you on Jack’s chest or him on yours or with him as the big spoon or you as the big spoon, you running your hands through his hair, something you discovered relaxed him immensely and helped him fall asleep. 

Neither of you really dated over the years, not as such. It was just another thing that made everyone think you were already together or heavily in denial. As an intern and resident you didn’t really have the time, and it just wasn’t how you wanted to spend your free time at that point in your life. Jack theoretically had the time but he just didn’t want to put the effort into it really. He was content with you, even non-romantically. As you were with him. You did want more though, you did want to get married and have kids one day. With someone. You knew it would never be Jack and that if you wanted that you were eventually going to have to get over Jack and go try. You just never really brought yourself to.

Occasionally over the years each of you would pick someone up at a bar or somewhere and have some casual sex. Sometimes it turned into a bit of a friends with benefits situation and you’d see the person more than once. That was all more common for you. Jack wasn’t super into casual sex or friends with benefits. You went on a couple of dates to appease some friends and try to get over Jack. He did the same to try and get over you. Nothing ever went anywhere. 

People of course noticed how close you and Jack were. The way you always seemed to walk in and out of work together. The times you’d come in wearing Jack’s sweatshirt. The reactions you’d both have at times when the other got flirted with, either at work or when everyone went out to a bar or somewhere. 

Both of you were constantly getting asked if you were together, some people just assumed it. You both always laughed and said no, you weren’t, you didn’t know why so many people thought that, you’re just best friends. Bets were placed on when you guys would finally either admit you were together already or realize what literally everyone else could tell, that you were both in love with each other, and finally get together as a couple.

A few people bet on it taking one of you to get worryingly sick or injured or otherwise put in danger for the other to admit their feelings. They were proven wrong one night. 

Your mistake was something you’d done hundreds of times before. Walking out into the ambulance bay by yourself in the middle of the night. It’s how you find yourself being held hostage and walked back into the ED with a knife pressed against your throat. 

Sound seems to go. You’re only vaguely aware of the guy holding you making demands for drugs. Your eyes drag across the floor looking for a single person. One you can’t find. He must be in with a patient. You know he’s the only person who would give you any comfort in this situation but a part of you is almost glad you don’t see him. 

You don’t want him to see this. Especially if this guy ends up using the knife on you. You really don’t want Jack to see that. 

The scream a patient lets out and the general collective gasps he hears are Jack’s initial clues something is wrong. The chilly silence that follows is another clue and he decides to go look, makes his way to the door of the exam room he’s in. He doesn’t know what he expects to see when he steps out but it sure isn’t you with a knife pressed to your throat. And yet that’s what he sees.

Jack’s entire world stops, the vial of medication he was holding falling out of his hand. His eyes find yours immediately. “I’m sorry,” you mouth to him. He shakes his head. Why the fuck are you sorry? is all he can think. 

Jack walks forward holding up his hands. “What do you want?” he asks the guy. 

“Finally somebody with some fucking sense. Demerol. 150. To start. Then I want all the fucking vials of it and morphine you have with a bunch of needles.” The guy laughs, thinks he’s about to make out. 

“And then you’ll let her go?” Jack asks.

“I’ll walk her out with me and then I’ll let her go, yeah.”

“Fine,” Jack nods at him. “I’ll pull your dose now.” The way the guy laughs as Jack walks over to pull some demerol out makes him want to be sick. If something happens to you, anything at all, if you die, Jack swears he’ll die with you. He’d never forgive himself. He’s eerily calm and steady for how fast his heart is racing but he knows he needs to be calm and focused to get you out of this alive and physically uninjured. He knows the mental injuries are already there. 

Jack can’t quite pin down how sophisticated this guy is. The laughter makes Jack think he’s not very. That he doesn’t really know what he’s doing. So Jack tries it, sees if the guy will tell him to show him the vial first and pull it in front of him and make Jack give himself some to prove it’s nothing dangerous first. He takes a vial of etomidate out and pulls a dose, starts walking over to the guy. 

There’s no questioning. No telling Jack to go back and bring it all over and pull it in front of him, no asking Jack if Jack think he’s stupid. Only that fucking laugh that neither you nor Jack will ever forget.

“Need a vein,” Jack tells the guy as he gets close. 

“Back of the hand. The one holding the knife. She can watch,” the guy grunts at Jack and laughs as he tightens his grip on the knife and presses it into your neck hard enough to give you little deeper than a paper cut, but deep enough to draw some blood. 

The sight of your blood makes him want to be sick because, even though it’s only a few drops, you still have a fucking knife against your throat that’s making you bleed. Jack nods at you but doesn’t say anything. Doesn’t want to risk pissing the guy off, not with how tight that knife is against your skin. Jack feels the back of the guys hand for a vein to make sure they’re not all blown. He finds one and so Jack pushes the med and then steps back 

“I’m getting the rest now, okay?” Jack starts walking backwards slowly. It’s the longest onset time of Jack’s entire life but he can see when it starts to hit the guy and he’s already running back towards you as the etomidate renders the guy unconscious. “Etomidate,” Jack shouts at nobody in particular so at least somebody knows what he gave the guy and can deal with him accordingly.

The second the knife drops from your throat you’re stepping forward and Jack is right there to grab you and pull you away from the guy. Jack crushes you to him. “Jack,” you whimper as your hands fist at his scrub top at his chest, his arms wrapping around you and holding you tighter than he ever has before. 

“Fuck,” he breathes out, “fuck, you’re okay.” You’re shaking in Jack’s arms just as much as he’s shaking having you safe and in his as the adrenaline crashes for you both. “Let me see your neck.” 

He tries to pull away but you cling to him and follow him. “It’s fine, it’s fine. Just stay, please.” 

Jack wants to look at your neck for himself but he knows you’re right that it’s okay for now and you clearly need him like this and frankly he needs you like this too. Safe in his arms. 

It makes you feel safe. If you’re in Jack’s arms nothing is going to happen to you. You trust him. You know he’s safe, will keep you safe. “Please stay,” you whisper, voice shaking. “I need you.” 

“I’m not going anywhere,” he promises. “I’ve got you. And I’m not letting you out of my sight.” Jack’s voice is shaky like yours. “I can’t lose you.”

Everyone who heard that line and the way Jack said it had thought it meant you in fact weren’t together but Jack was going to admit his feelings to you and you’d admit yours back and you’d finally be together and holding hands walking in and calling each other pet names. And Jack almost did admit his feelings to you. But then you guys had gotten home and went about your routine and you were so shaken and clingy that he wasn’t able to bring himself to tell you and risk losing you, especially when you needed him so much in the aftermath. So it didn’t happen. 

The calling each other a pet name, however, did. But not in the way anyone expected. To you and Jack the word just became a nickname. One that intensified the confusion about what you and Jack were. 

You’re standing at the hub charting when you overhear Jack finishing discharge instructions with a mom and her five or six year old daughter as he walks them towards the door. You’re finally an R4 about two weeks away from starting the attending position you were offered and accepted. Jack is of course still an attending. Your schedules are almost always identical. It was easy to pull off when most people didn’t want to work nights and the two of you volunteered to. You both knew it would be staying that way once you became an attending.

“Thank you so much, babe!” You watch the mom tell Jack as she hugs him. You bite your lip to stifle your laugh, continuing to watch as Jack remains completely still. “And like we talked about if you ever need anything or get bored, here’s my number,” she giggles as she presses a post-it note to his chest. You’d be more jealous if you thought for a single second Jack might actually be interested, but he is so clearly not you almost feel embarrassed for the woman. The whole thing is so funny you have to quickly log out and walk away to keep from laughing. 

The second the mom is out the door Jack tosses the post-it note with a shake of his head. Jack has always gotten hit on at work. He’s always gotten flirted with everywhere really. He very, very rarely flirts back. But though he may not have put it together, everyone else, yourself included, has noticed that now that he’s truly gone salt and pepper he gets flirted with far more. 

Later that night around 1:30 a.m. the two of you are at the hub charting together. “Can you take the eight year old with a possible broken arm from a bunk bed fall with the new med student, Cooper? I said I would but I don’t think I can handle another mom right now and I would really love to try and get like four bites of literally anything.”

“I suppose for you I can,” you tease him, bumping your hip against his. “I brought us leftovers from last night too. They’re in the fridge.”

“I knew I kept you around for a reason.” You scoff in mock offense as Jack logs off his computer. He looks over at you and waits until you look up at him which doesn’t take long. “Thank you.” He gives you a flash of a smile and then starts to walk toward the breakroom. 

The opportunity is too good to pass up. After he gets a step or two away you call out to him. “Sure thing, babe!” 

Jack stops walking and tilts his head letting out a single huffed laugh as he shakes his head and rolls his eyes before he resumes walking. He can’t keep the small smile off his face though. 

A while later Jack finds you again at the hub, just the two of you. You guys chat for a bit until you get called away. “Oh,” you turn back to Jack, “can you remind me to check if my mascara is dried out when we get home. I’m going to need some for Shen’s wedding.”

Jack smirks at you and you already know what he’s about to say. “Sure thing, babe!” 

The nickname stuck and it pretty much became your and Jack’s exclusive way of referring to each other. You both ached for it to be a real pet name. People assumed that calling each other ‘babe’ constantly would lead to a conversation and so you’d get together within a month or so. Especially because then you’d be an attending. You wouldn’t technically be Jack’s student anymore, you’d be equals. But you still didn’t get together.

And once you became an attending and had been one for six months or so and nothing happened, people stopped placing bets. Because surely if it was going to happen it would have already. 

A year after you became an attending you started to notice it more than you had before. It felt like most of your patients were children with their parents or newlyweds or recently engaged or celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary or pregnant. Marriage and kids were frequently on your mind. But you still couldn’t bring yourself to put yourself out there and try to find someone. 

You talk about it casually with a couple of people at work, that you think you’d like marriage and kids one day, and the interest in you and Jack is renewed and bets start getting placed again. 

And one day, six years after you met, it finally happens.

You and Jack walk into his place after your shift. You unsurprisingly had to stay late so it’s 9 a.m. or so, your guys’ evening. It wasn’t a bad shift in the scope of things, but it wasn’t the easiest shift you’ve ever had either. 

Jack keeps semi blackout curtains in his living room and pulls them closed while you grab a drink for yourself and a beer for Jack from his fridge without even asking if he wants one. You don’t turn any lights on. The curtains dim the room, but you can still easily see each other.

He sits on the opposite end of the couch from you, leaning into the corner of it and putting the thigh of one leg on it as he tilts his body towards you so that you guys can see each other. Manspreading like always. If only he knew how insane it drove you. You hand him his beer and then settle back into the same position, and if only you knew how insane your legs being relatively spread open drove him. 

“I guess at least nobody died,” you mutter before taking a drink. 

Jack nods slowly as he finishes swallowing. “We’ll take the wins where we can.” He tilts his head at you. “Didn’t see much of you tonight.” 

“It was busy. I think we kept hitting our free moments at different times. It’s not like I was ignoring you.” You give him a knowing look, confused about why he’s even commenting on it. It’s something that just happens sometimes. 

He’s commenting because he missed you, quite a lot today for some reason, and especially because he saw you on your phone a decent amount at the beginning of your shift, more than you usually are, and you seemed happy. Of course he wants you to be happy, but he wants to know why. Why you weren’t using that time to come see him and let him make you happy. He’s hoping the explanation isn’t another man. 

“You seemed to be in an awfully good mood at the beginning of your shift.” He tries to keep it light, like it’s just something he noticed and not him trying to probe for information.

“Eh. My college ex boyfriend texted me.” You roll your eyes. “It was random more than anything.”

He swallows hard. Fuck. It was another man. “Oh,” Jack draws the word out, “is that who was making you smile down at your phone until about midnight tonight?” He smirks at you like he isn’t internally seething with jealousy.

You roll your eyes again but this time at Jack. “He sent me the most ridiculous opening line and it was funny, so it made me smile, yes.” 

Jack’s jaw sets and he takes a drink of his beer so that he doesn’t grind his teeth loud enough for you to hear. “You sharing or?”

There’s the faintest hint of snippiness in his tone that makes you narrow your eyes at him slightly. Jack knows all about your college ex, how he decided he didn’t want to move with you for medical school and then again for residency potentially. It broke your heart at the time but things still ended amicably all things considered. You figure the snippiness is related to Jack disliking him.

“He asked if I went into cardiology because, and I quote ‘you are the very beating and pulse of my heart.’” You start laughing as you finish saying it. Jack hardly even laughs, he just rolls his eyes and shakes his head, shifts to sit straighter on the couch so he’s looking at the black TV in front of him and not over at you. “Oh come on,” you nudge his thigh with your foot. “It was funny.”

Jack takes another swig of his beer and pulls his lips down, shrugs slightly. “Worked on you enough that you memorized it.” 

You choke on the sip of your drink you just took, coughing a little. Jack glances over at you for a second just to make sure you’re okay. 

“Worked on me? It didn’t fucking work on me. He sent it to break the ice, babe.” You furrow your brows and shake your head at him, looking at him with a mixture of disbelief and confusion. 

“Well you liked it enough to remember it and keep talking to him.” He already knows you’re going to go see this guy and probably get into a relationship and that’ll pretty much be the end of your best friends relationship as you know it now. 

You scoff at him. “I found it funny enough to remember. There’s a difference.” 

“Okay,” he sings, clearly not believing you and you just shake your head at him. You both take sips of your drinks. Even with Jack’s kind of strange behavior the silence is still comfortable. “So why’d he text you after all this time? It’s been like what? Ten years?”

You shift on the couch and pull your legs up to your chest. “He moved to Pittsburgh. Asked if I’d be interested in seeing him.”

Jack’s head snaps over to you. “You are, aren’t you? You’re going to see him?” 

His gaze is so intense it feels like it’s pinning you in place. “Yeah.” You shrug. You don’t get why this is such a big deal all of the sudden. You need this. You need to move on from Jack. You need to try and have the rest of the life you want, even if it’s not quite how you pictured it. You and Jack would still be best friends and some things might change, but it’s not like everything would change or suddenly you’d just stop hanging out because you got married and had kids.

Jack scoffs at you now. “Why?” There’s a bite behind his tone. He’s not sure if you have a real reason or if it’s just to reconnect. You squirm under his gaze for a second before you have to look away as you give him another shrug. That’s the confirmation he needs. “Bull-fucking-shit, you absolutely have a reason.” You let out a breath and occupy your mouth with another sip of your drink. “Fine. Then look me in the eye and tell me you don’t have a reason.” 

You sigh and look back at him. You swear he almost seems mad with how serious he looks, lips pressed in a line, still staring at you with that same intensity, eyes slightly narrowed. You know you’re going to have to tell him because you can’t lie to him. As in you couldn’t bring yourself to do it and also he would know the second it came out of your mouth. 

“It’s stupid,” you admit, “it’s stupid and I know it and a big part of me doesn’t care. But you’ll think it’s stupid too. Think I’m stupid for even considering it.” 

“Hey.” Jack shifts on the couch so he’s turned towards you again, features softened. “You’re not stupid. I know you far too well to know that if there is one thing in this world that you are definitively not, it’s stupid. If it’s a stupid idea, yeah I will tell you that. ” 

You look down at your hands. You know you’re going to have to tell him eventually. If you end up doing it then it’s going to come out. “When we broke up we made this stupid pact together that we both thought was just a funny joke at the time. We said if we reached the age we are now and weren’t married or in a serious relationship we’d get married and have kids together.” You pause for a second and swallow. “Neither of us are married or in a serious relationship. So you know…”

Jack’s jaw falls open a little as his head lolls forward. Adrenaline floods his body so fast he grows cold in seconds, stomach churning. He can’t lose you. Not like this. If you dated the guy and fell back in love with him that would be one thing. But this? No. And actually, no in general. He can’t lose you. He can’t watch you marry someone else and have someone else’s kids. He knows you really want marriage and kids and he wants that for you, just selfishly only with him. It gets harder to breathe as some actual panic starts to seep into him. 

He lets out an incredulous laugh. “You’re actually fucking considering this?” 

Tears sting at the back of your eyes. You know he’s not laughing at you and you know he’s not truly judging you but his reaction still hurts in a way you didn’t expect it to. All you can do is nod at him. 

Jack laughs again, running a hand through his hair and shaking his head. “Fucking why?”

“Because Jack!” He shrinks back slightly, eyebrows raising at your response and the emotion he thinks he hears in your voice. “Because I want to share my life with someone romantically! Because I want to get married and have a house and have kids! I want that life. And I’m not getting any fucking younger.”

“Oh my fucking god,” Jack scoffs. He’s nearly at a loss for words. “How can you say that? You haven’t even been looking for someone! You don’t date and I know you’ve been asked out plenty of times. And don’t give the excuse of being too busy because we both know that’s not true anymore.” He shakes his head at you and looks pissed. “Do you even fucking love him?” 

You shrug. You have absolutely no justification for why you don’t date other than because you’re in love with Jack. So you don’t even really try to justify anything. “I haven’t been, no, but I’ve still always wanted that stuff and this kind of fell in my lap and so maybe it’s a sign. And as for loving him… yeah. No. Kind of? I don’t know anymore. Would he be my first pick? No. But he’s nice, he treated me well and he’ll be a good dad I think. And maybe now that we’re both grown up there will be more of a spark there.” You knew Jack would think it was a stupid and bad idea but you didn’t know he’d react quite this strongly. In part you’re not sure why he cares so much. He’s your best friend. He should want to see you happy and living the life you want. And this is a way for you to at least be living the life you want and to be happy enough.

“So what, you’re going to fucking settle? Settle for the guy who broke your heart? The guy who couldn’t be fucking asked to move maybe twice for you so that you could do what you dreamed of? The guy who allegedly loved you but not quite enough to make any sacrifices for you?” Jack tilts his head at you. “Babe you deserve so much better. So much fucking better. Don’t do this to yourself. Don’t even consider it further. Please” 

“I think maybe I would be enough for him now. He reached out. Remembered. That has to count for something, right? And I want it Jack.” You shrug at him. You’re a little upset. Not with Jack, just with everything else. With what you don’t have. With the way you struggle about whether you really want marriage and kids without Jack now that you’re really thinking about it. “I want that life and I feel like I’m running out of time and yeah, I haven’t been looking so that’s on me, but still. You can want something and still be okay with not having it. But if the opportunity arose, if it just kind of fell in your lap… you know?”

“I know,” Jack whispers before speaking at a normal level. “I just want you to be with someone who you are enough for. Because you are enough. You are so much fucking more than enough.” Jack nods at you, hoping it will help drive his words home. “He doesn’t deserve you. Any fucking part of you. He doesn’t deserve another second of your time. I know you won’t be happy with him. Not truly. You would be settling and you know it. But you don’t have to settle. You don’t. You still have time. You can still have the life you want, just with someone who really makes you happy. Who you really want to live that life with. You still have time to find that person. Your person. So don’t do this to yourself. Please.”

Your heart aches. You know and love Jack so deeply, he’s the one you trust with every secret and part of you. You wish that you could tell him you already found your person. You already found the man who makes you really, truly happy. You already found the man you want to live your life with. That you’re staring at him.

“Jack, we have to be realistic. When am I going to go find that person? With what time? And where? It’ll take me forever to find someone.” You let out a short breath. “And then after I do find them it’s at minimum a year of dating, an engagement, then a wedding, then wanting time as just a couple before kids. I don’t have that kind of time. I have a couple of years at best.” 

“You’re giving yourself an artificial timeline.” He shakes his head. He’s not getting through to you. “You could still go find them. Or at least do this all, marriage and kids, with someone better.” 

“Who, Jack?” You laugh exasperatedly. “Who the fuck is that? I’d still have to find them. At least I know him. That’s better than jumping into this with a stranger. Who the fuck else do I know that I would do this with?” 

There’s a silence as you and Jack stare at each other. 

And then Jack raises his eyebrows and tilts his head at you quickly, just a one second or two flash. 

It hits you. 

“Jack?” you whisper. You need him to say it. Because there’s no fucking way.

He swallows hard. “Please just don’t do it with him.” 

“Jack.” 

“Me.” He rushes the word out, taking a few heavy breaths. “You could do it with me.” 

You stop breathing for a second as you look at him, expression unreadable in a way that makes him incredibly self-conscious, blush creeping up his neck to his ears and cheeks. You’re stunned. Beyond stunned. While your body is still and you’re silent your mind is running a million miles an hour screaming seventy things at once. There’s no way he means this as a romantic thing. He just has to be volunteering himself because he thinks he’s at least better than your college ex. 

The breath you take in thirty seconds later is still shocked. You lick your lips quickly and open your mouth to say something, but then close it when you can’t think of anything. This happens a couple of times before Jack speaks again. He’s quite sure he knows what your reaction means. That you’re trying to find a way to turn him down nicely. 

“I know I’m not him and I’m sure I have much less to offer than him.” You stare at Jack as he speaks, bring a hand up to cover your mouth. “And I know that I come with baggage and that I’m older and that I’m missing a piece of me, literally, but I just think, no I know I could make you happier than he could.” 

You’re silent for a minute. You process what he says but your brain doesn’t formulate a reply to it because you need to know exactly what Jack means. You move your hand from your mouth and rest it to the side of you. 

Your voice is surprisingly even, just like your body is still. You haven’t given into the trembling you can feel coming yet. “Is that… Would you want that? Or would it just be a pact kind of thing to you?” You’re still not convinced he’s thinking about this the same way you are. You’re convinced he’s just offering to take the place of your ex in the pact, not that he’s in love with you like you are with him.

The way you gloss over what he said hurts. He tries to hold onto some modicum of hope that all of this will get figured out and he won’t lose you but it’s getting hard. 

Jack lets out the saddest laugh you’ve ever heard by anyone ever. “Oh no, I want that. I’ve wanted that for a long time. Wanted you. I’ve been in love with you since that first day. The first day I met you. And I’m sorry if knowing it would be really real for me ruins it and makes me not an option. But even if it’s not me you should still find someone better than him.” He shrugs and looks away from you. 

“Are you being for fucking real?” He nods, still looking down. “No, Jack.” You move down the couch so that you’re sitting right next to each other, you with your legs crossed facing Jack who’s still turned into the couch so that he could see you. “Look at me.” He forces himself to look up at you. “Are you serious right now? Do you mean it? You want me? You’re in love with me? Like more than platonically?” 

Jack’s heart breaks because it’s not the declaration of love he’d hoped you give him in return. 

“Yes.” He nods at you, gives you the eye contact you sought, as intense as always even with his glassy and somewhat defeated looking eyes. “I want you. I’m in love with you. I’m in love with you like I want to marry you, I want you to be my wife and me to be your husband, I want to give you my last name, I want to confuse the fuck out of everyone on night shift with two Dr. Abbots, I want you to be the mother of my kids, I want to get you pregnant, more than once maybe, I want to grow old holding your hand and kissing your lips and making you laugh. I want you. I’m in love with you. I love you. I have always loved you.”

You swallow hard, the trembling finally hitting your entire body. “Why did you never say anything or make a move?” 

Your lack of real response to everything he just admitted confirms it for Jack. You don’t feel the same way. You don’t love him like he does you. There’s not going to be any saving this. 

“Because I knew you’d never reciprocate and if I said anything or made a move it would make things awkward and if it didn’t totally end our friendship it would have at least changed it significantly. And having you in my life like this, as my best friend, like you have been for the past six years was so much better than not having you in my life at all and being tortured seeing you at work.” Jack sniffles a little. “But then you started talking about marriage and kids with this guy and I know you want that life and that if you were even considering this pact you were either going to do it or probably start seriously dating and looking for someone. And so I sat here and realized I’d lose you either way. If I admitted my unrequited love I’d lose you. If you do it with him or go find someone to have that life with we obviously wouldn’t be able to continue how we are and so you’d slowly slip away and I’d lose you. So I figured I might as well throw it out there so that if nothing else you know that you are enough for someone. So much more than enough. And you shouldn’t settle for anyone who thinks differently.” 

You look at Jack for a few seconds and then you laugh. Hard. Because you cannot think of how else to react in the moment and Jack fucking Abbot is in love with you and you’re in love with him and you both have been forever and you’re both fucking idiots. 

The sound is a knife through Jack’s heart. 

You quiet your laughter and smile at Jack. He can’t quite believe it because it would be so out of character for you but Jack assumes you’re about to make fun of him. What else could you do?

“Knew I’d never reciprocate? Unrequited love?” You let out a few giggles this time. “Jack Abbot I have loved you every day for the past six years. I fell in love with you the day we met too. I am in love with you. Romantically. I love you.” You laugh again, a few tears slipping down your face, not from the laughter but the other emotions the laughter is just audibly louder than. “You’re sitting here talking about me going and finding my person and I’m trying not to fucking lose it because I’m sitting here fucking staring at my person so sure you would never reciprocate. You’re the one who makes me happy. The fucking happiest. The happiest I’ve ever been.” You take a breath and look at Jack, laughter leaving you and watery smile pulling up on your face, eyes the brightest Jack has ever seen them even in the relatively low light. “You are the one I want that life with. Marriage and kids. I said he wasn’t my first choice. You know who fucking is? You, Jack. You. It’s always been you. I’ve always loved you, too.” 

“Me?” There’s no fucking way.

“Yeah, Jack. You!” You’re beaming at him.

“You’re being for fucking real now?” He loosely mimics what you asked him earlier. A tentative smile pulls onto his face. He’s still struggling to believe that you love him. “You’re in love with me?”

“Yes. Like, like, I don’t even fucking know,” you pause trying to search for a word but it’s hard with how fucking giddy you are, “I’m soul-consumingly in love with you. Head over heels. All the clichés. I’m in love with you. I love you. I love you too.” 

His smile widens and he rests a hand on your thigh. He has to be sure you understand the reality of him though. Or what he thinks the reality of him is. “But I’m-”

“Oh, don’t even start with the I’m older and missing a piece of myself and have baggage. I’ve got some baggage myself. And I know you fucking know that.” You give him a pointed look though your smile remains. “I don’t care how old you are. And it’s hot quite frankly. I mean you are in general but you being older. The salt and pepper drives me fucking insane. Hardest day of my life was when you got enough gray for me to really notice. I had to go back to my place alone after shift and damn near burned out a vibrator over it, I mean jesus fucking christ, I set a personal record, Jack. Your age is hot. You’re hot. And handsome. Unfairly so.” You grow a little more serious to address the last point Jack had brought up earlier, rest one of your hands over his on your thigh and your other hand on his knee. “And yes. You’re missing a piece of yourself. But that doesn’t matter to me Jack. And I know what you think but it’s not unattractive, it doesn’t make you less desirable. And it certainly doesn’t somehow make you less of a man, Jack.”

His head is spinning. At all of. The whole situation. Him professing his love. You professing yours. The fact that you’re in love with each other. That you both want to get married and have kids. His brain glitched out for a second at almost burned out a vibrator and set a personal record all because you were thinking of him. And the way you read him like a book when all he said was he was he’s missing a piece of himself and reassured him perfectly, textbook example of a reason why he loves you. 

Jack’s eyes search yours as he beams with you now. He laughs, and he understands why you laughed. A few tears slide down his face, just as happy and emotional as you. “We’re fucking idiots.”

You laugh with him and nod. “Total fucking idiots.”

“We could have had all those years together. Why did you never say anything?” Jack asks, his free hand covering your hand on his knee. You’re both still so in shock and processing that kissing each other or continuing this conversation with you straddling him or somehow being closer than you are now hasn’t come to the forefront of either of your minds. 

“Same reason you didn’t. Having you somehow was better than not at all. And I mean, Jack,” you let out a flustered laugh, “you have to know like everyone wants you. You could have anybody you wanted and so I never thought you’d want me.”

“Hey. Listen to me.” Jack grows more serious though a soft smile remains. He shifts so that he can hold your face in his hands. He’s held your face like this before, many times, but not like this. This is different. You know you love each other. And while Jack is still your best friend and will always be your best friend, he’s your partner now. Your lover. Your future husband. Your future children’s father. And the same is true for Jack. You are and will always be his best friend, but you’re his partner now. His lover. His future wife. His future children’s mother. And so Jack’s holding your face like that. Like you’re his, in every sense of the word. “There is not a single human being on this entire fucking planet who I want more than you. Not a single fucking one. And there isn’t one that’s better for me. You’re the only woman I see anymore. You’ve been the only woman I see for a long time. You are the only one I want and the only one for me, Babe.”

You grin at the nickname and how it really is a pet name now, how it suddenly holds even more meaning. And you nod at Jack’s words, relish in how they warm your heart and make you feel so needed and wanted and loved. You know he means them. With his entire being. You bring your hands up and wrap them around Jack’s wrists as he holds your face, thumbs rubbing soft circles on the inside of his wrists. 

“You are the only one I want and the only for me, Babe,” you repeat to him. You bite your lip and giggle again and it goes straight to Jack’s cock. Now that you can say it you can’t help yourself. “And I can’t wait to marry you one day.”

“Oh yeah?” He smirks, confidence back in full force, seductive without even really trying. “You want it to be soon?” Jack tilts his head and leans his head in a little closer. You both know you’re fucking finally about to kiss. 

“Could be tomorrow as far as I’m concerned.” You wink at him. It’s kind of a joke but also not really. You’d marry him tomorrow. “But I do want to wait on kids. I know we’ve been dating in a sense for effectively six years, but I want time for us to really be a couple together. Just the two of us. We have a lot of time to make up for.” You look down at Jack’s lips and tilt your head opposite his, lean in even closer expecting him to close the gap. 

But instead he pulls away, making your face furrow. “Seriously?” Jack asks. 

“To which part?” Your confusion at his question and at his pulling back is clear in your tone.

Jack lets go of your face and you let go of his wrists. He stands, confusing you further until he pulls at the fabric of his scrub pants on one leg and sinks onto one knee. “Jack.” Your breathing picks up and tears hit your eyes. 

“I’m sorry I don’t have a ring right now. But I will buy you whatever you want-”

“I want whatever you pick out, Jack,” you interrupt him. 

He huffs a laugh. He loves you so much. You would interrupt his proposal for that. “Okay. I’m sorry I don’t have a ring right now. But I will pick you out one and we’ll get wedding bands on our way. I want to do life by your side forever. I love you.” Jack takes in a breath. “Will you marry me? Tomorrow?”

You nod as you start laughing. “Yeah. Yes! Of course I’ll marry you, Jack. Tomorrow.” 

You and Jack are beaming at each other again as he starts to laugh with you, standing back up and holding his hands out for you. You take them and uncross your legs, let Jack help pull you up. He pulls you close, so that you’re flush against him. And after six years, you both finally get what you want as you tilt your heads and lean in and kiss each other. 

The first kiss is soft, a lingering expression of love that has the two of you breathless as you focus on feeling each other’s lips and the electricity it seems to send through you. The second kiss is a little more, turns sucking on each other’s bottom lips are taken. The third kiss is where things really escalate and before you know it you and Jack are standing in front of his couch properly making out, tongues in each other’s mouths, Jack’s arms sliding around you to keep you close, one forearm running parallel up your spine and holding the nape of your neck, your hands finding Jack’s hair and running through it, scratching at his scalp and occasionally tugging. 

“We’re going to have to go to a different state though,” you laugh against his lips when you finally break apart for air. 

“Wait, what?” His question is a little breathless from kissing and he pulls away a bit so that you can look at each other properly. 

You nod. “Pennsylvania has a three day waiting period after you apply for a marriage license. It almost fucked up Shen’s wedding.” 

“Fuck,” Jack mutters. He looks off to the side in thought for a moment. You take the moment to admire him, this beautiful beautiful man who’s now yours. Who loves you. You keep running your hands through his hair. It’s not the first time you’ve done it but it’s the first time as his lover, his fiancée. “This is the start of our string of offs, right?”

“Mhm,” you hum, “sure is, Babe.”

Jack looks back at you, right in the eyes as usual. “Tomorrow we fly to Vegas. Elope.” 

You raise your eyebrows and pause, waiting to see if he says more or changes his mind or anything. When he doesn’t you bite your lip and nod. He’s probably not even aware of how loved it makes you feel to know he’s ready to marry you tomorrow. Just like that. But then you being ready to marry him tomorrow makes him feel the same. “Sounds like a plan, Dr. Abbot.” Jack’s pupils dilate even more, his hands sliding down your sides and back to grab your ass. “Get your laptop or my iPad, we can book the plane tickets now.”

Jack doesn’t move. “You know you’re going to be Dr. Abbot in less than 48 hours.” The realization has you taking a shallow breath in and subconsciously pressing yourself against Jack even harder. “And we can book later, in a couple of hours.”

You raise your eyebrows slightly. “Oh? Why the delay?”

He uses his hands that are still gripping your ass to grind your hips and pelvis against him as he does the same with his against you. You let out a soft moan when you feel just how hard he is, swear you can feel him throb against as you grow even wetter for him. “Because I’ve been waiting six years to fuck you and now I can. And I need to. You have no idea how badly I need you. So if it’s okay with you I’m going to take my fiancée to bed now.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I hope it was okay! I love hearing your guys' thoughts and comments, and I appreciate your likes, reblogs and replies so so much!

Although I'm struggling with how I'm feeling about the above, if there was any level of interest I could probably be persuaded to do a smutty part two because I do love some first time together smut and already have some ideas. So let me know if that's something you might like to see!

Thank you again for reading and all your support! ♥️

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[chiya-eltanin]

hm. dont usually put my own two cents for theories but somethings been kind of annoying me recently so yeah. ralsei thoughts.

i really dont like the idea that ralsei is a specific object. especially not with newer stuff from chapters 3 and 4.

For starters, most people that try to figure out what ralsei is in the real world are basing it off of this appearance

however, I feel like there's plenty of evidence to point to this not being his real form, right? People have already pointed out that his original shadowed form isn't fully consistent. It's possibly the most obvious when you compare his singing animations in both forms. His hat form makes what was later 'revealed' to be his ears look more like hair?,

Ears don't really split the same way that hair does, and theres other examples of hatsei having this kind of spikyness to his 'ears' that hatless ralsei doesnt have.

even the fangamer plush makes his ears spiky!!

its a pretty major part of how hatsei looks, and its certainly been talked about before. And then comes chapter 3+4. And we have plenty of evidence that ralsei is a shapeshifter, and I have seen literally nobody talk about it????? huh?????

Oh, and the hat casting a shadow on him makes no fucking sense because he goes onto wear SEVERAL hats in chapter 3 and he's normal????

also I know its like. A funny bit, but HE TURNS INTO A HORSE

WHY THE FUCK WOULD KRIS'S HEADBAND TURN INTO A HORSE???? WHY WOULD A GREEN CRAYON TURN INTO A HORSE???? WHY CAN HE DO THIS????? THIS ISNT A COSTUME THATS NOT HOW THEY WORK????? WHERE WOULD HIS BODY GO.

not to mention that changing shapes was literally his ability in the legend of tenna game???? he plays it off like 'oh every character has abilities i can turn into a box' but he can also turn into a dog? since ralsei was the only one who read the manual it very well could be an ability given to him since the real Ralsei is also a shapeshifter.

It would also explain why ralsei draws himself in his hat form

thats closer to what his natural form is. Dont have any screenshots on hand right now, but he's got two lines in chapter four (if you leave him lying on the ground for too long, and right before they find the first fountain) about how much longer he can 'keep this body for' that make it very obvious that he's only using a form that looks cuter to appeal to us. Him being a shapeshifter would also explain things like

His face being a deliberately made abstraction would also make this interaction make a lot more sense. Pre chapter three, I assumed Ralsei based his face on Asriel to either try appealing to Kris or as fanservice for the player/red soul, however, now that we've slowly started learning more about Ralsei, it's beginning to seem more like Ralsei just wants to have a face and more distinct appearance, like the lightners do. However, because of how dark worlds work, he can only base it off of what already exists, with that already existing 'model' being Asriel, although with modifications to make himself cuter— pink horns and eyes, and his usual glasses. It's why Kris is always quick to point out differences between them, and why Ralsei is embarrassed at being told that they look similar, he didn't have a choice other than be based off something that already exists.

Alright, so Ralsei is a shapeshifter. He still has to have some equivalent in the Light World though, since that's how Dark Worlds work. He was literally about to tell Susie what he was before getting interrupted, and Toby Fox is deliberately dancing around the topic.

However, I think the answer is actually pretty obvious. Ralsei is a being of 'pure darkness', which is why he can exist in any Dark World, unlike Lancer and Rouxls, who need to be objects that 'belong' in their respective worlds. His form is made up by the original dark fountain, and he describes himself as a 'Prince of the Dark'. Characters in the Dark World know about what happens to and around their real world equivalents, but Ralsei in particular seems to be especially aware of all of Susie and Kris's actions and movements. He doesn't need to be brought in by Kris like Lancer and Rouxls do, and he always appears in the Dark World a few moments after Susie and Kris do, while somehow almost always having pretty intimate knowledge of how the world came to be. Ralsei is also the most adamant on being depended on by Lightners, even more than people like Tenna. He talks about how a Darkners role is to be used by Lightners and to make them happy, and his character development in Chapter 3 especially goes into how he wants to be needed and how he's afraid he's slowly developing his own personality, and why he believes darkners shouldn't do that.

So, taking all of that into account, I feel like the most obvious answer for what Ralsei is is a shadow.

He's a literal prince of the dark. It explains why he can shapeshift, since shadows can be made to look like anything— I'm specifically thinking of things like shadow puppets, and why when he gets knocked out he seems to literally disappear, returning to the shadows. A shadow is also the most dependant on light, shadows literally cannot exist without light, or they'll just be darkness. It even explains his empty room.

His insistence that his only role is to help the Lightners, the way that people can never find anything notable about him (asking swatch for specials his suggestion for Ralsei is based purely on how he dresses and Queen literally forgets to get him a cage), and his ability to be in any dark world (since there's literally nowhere without shadows) all seem to point towards Ralsei being a shadow.

Ralsei being a shadow also means he's literally with you in the dark, could probably straight up not exist if the world was plunged into darkness, and also makes him a weaker version of a titan (explaining the 'prince' title. not quite king, but noble nontheless).

[malfiora]

OH BOY DO I HAVE FEELINGS.

1. Love is complicated.

We have to start here.

In the English language, and thus in American culture (where we must situate these boys since these are kids raised in the US, written by US authors) we really only have one word for this emotion (with add-ons to try and get more precise), and the word you use for your mom or granddad is the same as the one you use for your friends and siblings and the same as the one for partner. This feeling is messy and complicated and not discreet and definitely not logical. These boys love each other, and that comes with the complexity and messiness that love engenders. That complexity isn't despite the love — it is proof of the love.

And their patterns of behavior demonstrate that this love is multifaceted. Sometimes it looks like father/son (very very early on, as I explained in my mutualism post), and of course fraternal, but also infatuation (e.g. Jason's obsession with him and Dick being partners, Dick looking through Jason's dating profile).

2. "They don't entirely love or hate each other."

My beloved friend is right. As usual, the truth is somewhere in between. Yes, they have a mutual devotion to and admiration of each other. And also, there's definitely resentment there, too. As sunlitlemonade points out, Jason dealt with the pressure of living up to Dick's example, for better and worse. In the pre crisis run, the moments after Jason officially inherits the suit, he grows somber. He had wanted this thing for so long and when he finally gets it, he seems almost regretful about it. His very first villain as Robin is a guy who wants to kill him because he (Crazy Quilt) thinks Jason is Dick. Mistaken identity has been a core part of his experience from the beginning. On the other hand, in the post crisis run, Dick doesn't have a choice in Jason becoming Robin (a cruel twist imo I wish they had kept the original run but eh, I'm asking for way too much from the people who keep calling Jason the angry Robin), plus, as sunlitlemonade said, Jason was adopted before Dick (for very good reasons but it probably still hurts).

And to top it all off: their moral alignment has diverged. Jason no longer abides by the no-kill rule that Dick has organized his entire life around — that's bound to be messy lmao. Plus they both have markedly different perceptions of their relationships with Bruce now (though I'd argue that they're similar relationships, at least in terms of abuse and victimization and toxic projection, but that's a whole separate topic).

They can't stay away from each other but they find ways to hurt each other in ways that others can't or don't. And there is still love. (See also: my post about conflict.)

3. "They can't shake the feeling of kinship. Was it the Robin suit?"

Father/son vs. older/younger brothers archetypes.

I'm making this its own point because I feel it's important to explain why I alluded to a father/son paradigm for these two. As I explained in my mutualism post, this is the original concept that DC had for their relationship — Dick was fully prepared (emotionally, not logistically lmfao) to adopt Jason after Jason's parents died. He saw his own grief in Jason and wanted to be there for him. While this has obviously been retconned, the resulting themes have not been. In fact, each retelling of their meeting seems to double down on it. There is a pattern of inheritance that bears itself out in 3 ways:

Jason inherits Dick's Robin suit.

Jason resembles Dick to such a degree that other characters mix them up / point it out, even those who know them personally (looking at you, Donna).

Brothers in Blood reveals that they both subconsciously view Jason as Dick's successor (i.e. the moment Dick thinks about quitting being Nightwing, Jason shows up as Nightwing and shit gets really weird).

It is apparent that the narrative is trying to draw our attention to a top-down relationship here. However, there is clearly a fraternal relationship here, as well. Dick's sense of identity shifts completely into this mentor/big brother figure when Jason enters his life, almost immediately rallying with Jason and conspiring (innocently) against Bruce, offering himself as a resource, and reassuring Jason that he's doing fine as Robin. He triples down on this with Tim. When Dick returns from being "dead" Jason is upset that Dick would lie to a fellow Robin (brother) — and, importantly, Tim agrees. So there's also a horizontal relationship here. When Jason needs help, he asks for Dick — who shows up even without knowing the context or even always believing that Jason is acting in good faith.

It's not an either/or — it's a both/and. Messy, complicated, love, and hate. It's all there, you can't separate it.

4. That word "partners."

I have to throw this in here: Partner is an interesting word. It comes in many forms. Generally, it can be either professional, platonic, or romantic. With these two, honestly that word can mean any combination of the three. And when I say that that includes "romantic," I do mean that, and I do mean the alternative definition of romantic (i.e. invoking lofty, idealized emotions). It is very interesting to me, therefore, that Jason straight up asks Dick to be his partner twice: once in Brothers in Blood, and again in Battle for the Cowl. Makes you wonder which definition he meant by that, exactly.

That's all I got for now. Will update with links if I find them appropriate. @sunlitlemonade I hope you don't regret showing me your post.

i feel like ppl are always on one extreme abt dick & jason's relationship....... like idk how to tell you but they don't entirely hate or love each other. thats not how they work. they barely know each other and yet can't shake the feeling of kinship they feel. was it the robin suit? bruce? guilt? what-ifs? wishful thinking for things to be different? where did they get cut for the trail of blood to mix up and end up in the same grave? the same dead dream of a brotherhood? was it because of those things or despite them that the stream of their lives cannot seem to diverge no matter what happens? just shut up and let them be complicated.

[7arami]

Adding on to Tawky Tawny being Billy's giant pet tiger, Damian would totally be jealous. Like absolutely filled with envy.

He's heard reports of a giant tiger just strolling through Fawcett and needs to have it. When he goes to Fawcett for a little investigating, he gets more or less the same responses from people: "Ohhhh you mean Tawky! Yeah, that's Billy's tiger!"

Damian instantly tracks this Billy, he refuses to acknowledge his last name, and demands to see the tiger. Billy, who is very confused and slightly scared, explains that he can't show him because he doesn't know where Tawky is. This ticks Damian off, cause how can you not keep track of a giant tiger. And Billy has to explain to him that Tawky just comes and gos as he pleases, he doesn't have control over him and he wouldn't want to either, because that wouldn't be very nice.

Damian refuses to leave until he meets Tawky. Which irritates Billy because he's got work to do, both normal civilian work and superhero work. He does his best to lose the kid, but the peace doesn't last long before Damian drops down in front of him. Billy is starting to wonder if this kid put a tracker on him.

It gets closer to the end of the day and Billy's frustration is on the brink of boiling over. He just wants to get back to his apartment and curl up next to Tawky. However, Damian is still following him.

Billy: Don't you have a family and home you should be getting back to. Damian: Tt' like your one to talk, we've been running around this whole city all day. And by the looks of it, I don't think you've got a home to get to either.** Billy: *face becoming all screwed up and red* Bet your parents are relieved you're not home, finally some peace and quiet without an evil brat like you around. Damian: *fists beginning to clench at his sides and glaring angrily at Billy* I am willing to say the same about "your" tiger. He hasn't shown all day, seems like he's taking a much needed break away from you! Billy: Then why are you still here! If you think Tawky is avoiding me, then I should be the last person to bother! **Damian didn't mean to come off as rude, he was concerned just didn't know how to express it. And Billy spoke out of defensiveness.

The argument continues to escalate to the point both boys are grappling with each other on the ground. They are interrupted by something pulling Billy away from Damian. Tawky stands over Damian with Billy held in his mouth by the boy's red sweater.

Tawky licks both the boys faces and hands, healing the scratches and bruises that they had inflicted on one another. They sit there on the side walk, it's night and the street is mostly desolate besides a few cars that drive by every now and then. Tawky curls around the two of the, forcing them to sit against one another.

Finally Damian breaks the silence, apologizing for what he said and for following Billy around all day. Billy forgives him and apologizes as well for what he said.

Billy: *slightly turning his head towards Damian* I'm sorry for calling you 'an evil brat', I don't actually think that. Damian: *huffs and continues to look straight ahead at the road* Not like you know me enough to come to that conclusion. Billy: *turning his head more towards Damian now* You don't think your a bad person, do you? 'Cause your not. Damian: *his eyebrows pinch together as he glares at the floor* Of course not, I have more pride than that! *voice becomes slightly softer* It's just that you don't know me enough to believe otherwise. Billy: *leans back into Tawky more, now looking straight ahead as well* I know that Tawny doesn't behave like this with bad people. And I trust his instincts.

Damian doesn't saying anything after that and neither does Billy. They sit their for a while, relaxing against Tawky Tawny's warm, soft body. Eventually a fancy car stops in front of them. Instinctually, Billy grabs Damian's arm and goes to book it. Only to be stopped by Damian who tells him its alright. Hesitantly, Billy lets go of Damian and watch as the window lowers to reveal an old man in a suit and a much younger man wearing much more casual clothes.

Dick: *sticking half his body out the window, with a clearly concerned expression on his face* Dami! Oh my God! We've been looking all over for you bud! What are you doing here? *looks behind Damian and a little boy and giant tiger* . . . actually, never mind. I think I just answered my own question. Damian: *arms crossed and rolling his eyes* Cease your needless worry, I have everything under control. Dick: *eyes hopping from Damian, Billy, and Tawky very quickly* Look, Dami, I'm very happy that your making friends, but let's be more careful. *speaking in a quieter tone* This is cap's terf, and we need to respect that. Damian: Tt' Oh please, I didn't see the walking light bulb at all today. Billy frowns at that, Damian didn't see him because he was stopping Billy from doing his job. Billy's just lucky that nothing really happened, though he is sad he couldn't help his community out more. Billy: You probably didn't seem him cause you were too busy stalking me! Dick: *glares down at his little brother, Alfred can be heard huffing a laugh behind him* Damian! Damian: *face beginning to redden* I was not stalking you! I was looking for Tawny and you just happened to be my best lead! Dick: *groans with his head in his hands* Dami, please, this is not how you make friends. Damian: *face becoming even redder* He is not my friend! Billy: *pouting a bit* hey Alfred: *a small smile on his face* Well Master Damian, would your 'not-friend' like a ride home? Billy: No! Damian: Yes. Billy: *looking at Damian with a shocked face, then back at Alfred* No, it's alright, for real! I have Tawky to walk me home, so I'll be more than fine! Damian: He left. Billy: *turns to look behind him and is met with an empty sidewalk* Goddammit! *looks up to the sky and screams* TRAITOR!

Billy, reluctantly, let's them drop him off in front of Freddy's house. It's gonna take longer for him to walk to his apartment, but it should be able to fool them. As long as Damian doesn't say anything, which he's not willing to bet on.

Finally they drive off and Billy makes his way back to his apartment where he finds Tawky curled up on his mattress. Too tired to even be upset, Billy squishes himself against Tawky's belly and goes to sleep.

[masked-daydream]

DATE EVERYTHING! IMAGINES

House! Reader x Dateables

You are a House

Or more specifically THE Personification of the House of where various personified sentient objects and concepts live.

Some say it's quite weird that the place where said personified objects and concepts live is a personification itself. But you clearly don't care for others having opinions about you. Unless of course if those opinions where from some of the objects and concepts that are living inside you, which of course will make you very sad.

That's right! Even though you are the home itself none of the objects seem quite familiar with you. Infact you're a bit too shy to introduce yourself to others.

The only objects who seem to know you exist are Mayor Celia the Ceiling, Miss Florence the Floor and Mister Wallace. You have known these three since you we're constructed and you are kinda close with them.

Mayor Celia which she insists on you to only call her Celia is one of the few objects you sorta interact with on a daily basis. Infact she treats you as if you are the only one above her current position in the home.

Which kinda makes you a bit embarrassed since you clearly don't wanna be treated like an actual ruler or in Wallace's case a God.

Miss Celia always informs you on the daily occurrences inside you (the house). Even though you insist on her to not waste her precious time on you. Which she only deadpanned, looked at you straight in the eye and said,

"With all due respect, My Home. You are a part of my duties. Since you insist on being a recluse. You probably don't even know the changes and advancements happening to your subjects since you we're created."

Now that kinda hit a sore spot, since it is kinda true. You are so afraid of what the other objects think of you, that you have decided to only stay on the only spot of the house which no other objects can see you which is the rooftop. Even though that the entire part of the house is technically your designated spot. You look at the self-appointed mayor about to apologize as she immediately raises her hand.

"Do not apologize everytime we have this conversation, My Home. Now let me tell you on the happenings in the First Floor." She cuts you off.

You sigh as Mayor Celia talks about the what is happening inside the house. Mostly about what the objects are up to.

But then she mentions some things about the objects that are not quite positive.

Relationships broken, hard grudges, broken egos- it just a whole lot of negativity.

You immediately begin to get worry as you cut off Celia as she begins to explain on one of the objects toxic relationships begin to disturb other objects.

"Cel- I mean Miss Celia, what is going on? Are they all ok? Can it be fixed? Just what is going on?" Your voice cracks a bit as you begin to worry.

You know that some objects can have bad interactions with each other. Because of their purposes, which in time can be solved.

But as you hear Celia's Update you started to get worried.

A House filled with problems will no longer be called a home anymore.

The Mayor sighs, "I am trying to fix some physical problems as I can, My home. but unfortunately some of these arguments are something that the others need to fix by themselves psychologically and mentally."

You worry more. As The Mayor excuses herself, feeling her presence leave the rooftop to her place inside the house.

As much as you don't really have any idea in the happenings inside of you that doesn't mean you can't sense there is something wrong. After all of the objects live inside of you (physically).

You sigh looking forward watching the outside parts of yourself looking at every tree and the sky.

You wish you can fix some of the problems of your beloved objects. Feeling quite hopeless.

"At this rate everyone will start to hate both themselves and with others ....What should I do?" You talk to yourself feeling the cool breeze on your form as you watch some leaves fall towards your rooftop.

But then an idea struck you. As you let a leaf land on your hand as it gets blown by the wind.

You remember you can go to any part of the house and also leave without any of the objects noticing like a sudden breeze from the cold air.

Then you begin to doubt yourself. Again.

What if they hate me?! What if I'm just meddling on things that can be easily fixed?! What if-

Another leaf hits you in the face this time it's a bit bigger stopping you on your self-doubt. Then another idea struck you.

"Maybe I can help them. Just not directly...." You smile as you removed the leaf from your face. And you begin to execute your plan for peace.

"That way, Everyone can be happy."

You willed yourself to some parts of yourself which are the rooms in the house, where you sense the negativity.

Watching as some objects go on about their day.

You didn't mean to feel like a stalker but the problems will start to increase if you don't do something.

Then you willed yourself towards the Laundry room, knowing that their personifications living inside are not present inside.

Then finding a random cloth. As you begin to manifest some words into it and leaving it near some objects places.

Then you begin to do the same to the other rooms. Making sure that no other objects can see you.

As you begin to manifest some words of advice, encouragements etc. into various small but a bit noticable things. Then immediately leaving like a sudden breeze.

As you hope that your dearest personifications could read or follow or maybe learn from what you gave to them.

And as the sun begins to set you went back towards your place at the rooftop watching the world outside. As you wish for tomorrow the situations inside of you will get better.

I will probably make a part 2.

[bobamilkteaboy]

SHITT

okay fiRst, yknow I didn't think about this but like.. Ladybug REALLY should've tried to get her to reject the akuma first. like what??? you can see she hesitates and is really nervous about it but like, literally what would she have done if that did release an amok? what was her plan there like literally. if she doesn't know it's somewhere else. because i've heard the theories on intention (but surely there's been times when an item released an akuma and wasn't intentional right?? I can't think of anything but likee idk maybe) but even if that's the case, she doesn't know that. she winces in anticipation hoping the amok doesn't come out, but still fucking does it??? like whAt. why wouldn't she try to find another way first or make her reject it?? (also good moment for people to be confused and question her after) literally what WOULD she have done if the amok came out . how would she explain that. how would she save that. what was her plan with that. there's no way she just had thAt much trust it wouldn't .

I need to rewatch the season 6 episodes I've seen so far, but I feel like marinette wasn't that freaked out by the potential of the grandparents getting the rings right? and wasn't constantly on edge freaking out anxious about them being moved around so much and the future potential unsure, and everything? like, not like the amount you'd expect from someone who knows about it? idk I could be wrong but

also though, if she did replace them at the table , that would make a lot of sense because she would be panicking about the potential of adrien not having the rings or realizing she can't control what happens to them, so it would be vital time to do that. either way I think it makes sense. the only reason I think it's more likely to be that adrien never had them to begin with is that we usually see what marinette does. it's unlikely they wouldn't at least show it briefly or soMething, even if we didn't see the scene of her getting fakes or talking about it, we'd probably see the switch.

but you know what we didn't see? in between of the season 5 finale time skip. we didn't see so much that that absolutely could've happened. we didn't even see her give the rings did we?? just adrien saying "when ladybug gave these to me" right? so I think that whole part being off screen could say a loT.

so this theory would be crazy actually. but also, just because Adrien likes the rings, what if he one day decides that wearing them makes him sad? what if one day they don't fit great? what if he wants to put them in a box, or hang them on something, or melt them into something new ? what if he decides one day he feels more mentally okay and wants to take a step of not holding onto them to move on? what if he sets them down and loses them, or they get stolen, or literally anything happens to them?? Ladybug can't rely on them being safe and in Adrien's control forever if he has them- especially if he doesn't know just how important they are. That's a huge risk to take for something as important as that. so.. it would make a lot of sense to keep them somewhere else, somewhere entrusted and safe, somewhere the only people who know what they really are know where they really are.

this is actually wild but I think could make a ton of sense and that's terrifying

(ALSO this would be even crazier, going back to something i was rambling about in one of my last posts, but if this theory is canon that would mean that the ONLY TIME we've ever seen Adrien in full control of himself (senti wise) would be. during chat blanc.)

(this also has amazing potential for future villain adrien slowly as he finally has control over himself, or dictator type of villain ladybug honestly. someone explore these themes plz haha)

OK… OK. Those rings had to be fake. Right? We’ve established from The Sentibug Incident that a Miraculous Cure couldn’t fix a broken amok (EDIT: Sentibug was killed via snapping, but I assume the rules would be the same for an actual amok destruction, because STAKES). And no feather in sight. And Ladybug wouldn’t just break Adrien’s amok anyway, not without trying to get Millie to reject the akuma first. Right? Right???

So the only explanation is that those are fake. Probably provided by Felix. Which means either Mari was able to swap them back at the mansion (at the table?), but that seems complicated, or… and I hate to say it…

Adrien never fucking had his amok to begin with.

Which would explain the anxiety on Mari’s face… She’s still not 100% sure she can trust Felix… so assuming she asked him to keep them safe… that would make sense… I DON’T KNOW SOMEONE HELP ME

[alynnia]

The more I read into Rafayel's stuff the more I see him as a counter and parallel to Sylus. Is it my fujo side peeking out? Yes, but shuddup. Time for some rambling below. Content: Crowfish angst, death and just typing as I think so it's not refined at all lol

...wow this is longer than what I'd thought it be. It's practically a mini fic so just...take it with a grain of salt. Ahaha...ha...

I can't remember if I commented on it on my Sylus x Rafayel x MC post or in one of my other ramblings but I mentioned it would be an interesting AU idea if Rafayel or Sylus took MC's place in each other's myths. Well, now that scene of MC making Rafayel stab her fits oh so well but it puts a specific scenario in my head.

Imagining this throple is still early in their relationship and Rafayel has a nightmare of MC dying, but since MC and Sylus share a soul, his memory sort of "glitches" and he sees Sylus in her place. On the flip side, Sylus has a nightmare of MC stabbing him and in his dream, MC "glitches" into Rafayel as his soul picks up on MC's memories.

The memory of their pasts are bluring together so when they see each other again there's this new awkward tension between them. Rafayel is upset and while he knows why MC did what she had to, he can't bring himself to take it out on her. Not when they're finally together again. But Sylus is free real estate. He did the same thing so when it reaches it's boiling point, Rafayel lashes out at him. Why did Sylus think she would want to live her life without him? Does he not understand how cruel that is? How painful it is to go on knowing that your loved one is dead by your own hand? " Of course you don't, you're dead! You don't have to deal with the consequences! "

And Sylus would just...take it. He'd let him rage at him, every word just slicing through. He sees Rafayel's rampage as something he deserves and would rather he be the one Raf takes this out on, not her. And Raf understands this as well. An unspoken mutual agreement that this was not for her ears but needed to be said. At the end of it, Rafayel is still seething but Sylus hugs him and apologizes.

" It's not me you should be apologizing to. "

" But I want to. "

After all this and they calm down, whenever they see MC again they're going to be extra sweet to her. At the same time. You know where this goes~

The closer they get, the more the memories get mixed up with each other. It wouldn't be long before Rafayel begins to understand why Sylus did this. How he was losing control of himself and would have killed MC if he wasn't stopped. One day...

" Here. Punch me. "

Sylus punches him.

" YOU DIDN'T EVEN HESITATE??! "

" You asked me to. "

" DON'T YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY?! "

" I figured you'd tell me. "

" This is the shit I'm talking about, YOU-! " he bites his tongue and regains his composure. Rafayel explains that he understands now, about the dragon's curse and how his choice seemed to be the better option. Sylus is taken aback by this but doesn't say anything yet. He lets him continue. Raf then hugs him and apologizes.

" Promise me, if it ever comes to that again don't make her do it. " Rafayel holds him tighter, " I'll do it. She shouldn't have to go through that again. "

" ...And you should? "

" Don't underestimate me you stupid crow. This is a divine order from your god. "

Sylus smirks, running a hand through his hair and resting it there, " You know how I feel about challenging gods. "

" Then...promise me as your friend. "

" Oh, so we're friends now? I didn't realize friends had make out sessions with heavy petting-"

Rafayel snatches Sylus by his chin, " I'm serious. "

There's what feels like a long pause between the two of them, burning holes into one another through deep staring. The crow searches his eyes to find a way out but Rafayel holds firm, the grip on his chin, even with just two fingers could be strong enough to crack bone. Sylus exhales through his nose, gently wrapping his fingers around the hand that held him in place. " As you wish. "

Rafayel releases a breath he didn't know he was holding but before he could say anything more, Sylus takes the brief guard drop as an opportunity to press their lips together. Raf almost melts into it until the other is nipping hard enough to draw blood.

" Ow! What the hell?"

" There. It's sealed in blood. It should be a familiar feeling after all, I learned it from her memories. "

" Bastard. "

" Your bastard~ "

Fast forward to a future where Rafayel has to make good on his promise. Sylus is close to repeating the past, about to lose himself to the dragon within. Rafayel hesitates but manifests his dagger and commits to the deed, holding him in his arms as he breathes his last...only for MC to witness the situation at the end of it. She wasn't supposed to see. She wasn't supposed to know.

---

Okay I'm just going to stop here this REALLY ran away from me. It was just supposed be like the first 3 paragraphs BUT THEN I KEPT GOING I WAS POSSESED

But yea, this was fun.

[la-chacha-gris]

Zebrazine: The best posts of the week/Mejores posts de la semana

I'm constantly refining the features and themes of this blog, hoping to make it more interesting to continue doing so. But I'm not sure how to highlight relevant posts so they don't get buried among so many daily posts that are just photos. The feed recommendation algorithm never shows everything from any blog. My solution is to leave you a weekly summary from now on with the posts I think are important. The mere list of links explaining each one seems like a digital fanzine, so I'll call it zebrazine, once again resorting to my power animal! You can find it after the Continue reading.

Continuamente ando puliendo formas y temas de este blog, buscando que me fuera más interesante seguir haciéndolo. Pero no una forma de destacar posts relevantes para que no queden enterrados entre tantos posts al día que solo son fotos. El algoritmo de recomendaciones en feed que nunca muestra todo de ningún blog. Mi solución es dejaros a partir de ahora un resumen semanal con los posts que creo importantes. La mera lista de links contando que es cada uno parece un fanzine digital, así que zebrazine lo llamaré recurriendo una vez más a mi animal de poder! Lo tienes tras el Seguir leyendo.

Checking out this weekly compilation is a good way to make sure you don't miss anything… anything I've thought most relevant. Of course, if you follow the blog normally, you'll find more material, like the annotated photos, zebraverso, in the form of dedications to other blogs or from them to this one, and plenty of erotic art or cancelable memes that you can't show to your practicing Catholic mother. Shall we begin?

Revisar esta compilación semanal es una buena manera de asegurarte que no te pierdes nada… de lo que haya creído yo más relevante. Por supuesto que si sigues blog al modo normal encontrarás más material, como las fotos comentadas. cebraverso en forma de dedicatorias a otros blogs o desde ellos a este, y mucho arte erótico o meme cancelable que no puedes enseñar a tu madre católica practicante ¿Empezamos?

On Saturday, I couldn't sleep because of the feeling of disgust I was carrying around, and from a joke while replying to a post, a few lines of mine evolved into a short and imperfect piece on role-playing, submission, and gender assumption, but like the entire blog itself, it's the seed of something. Perhaps one day I'll write a serious essay based on what I've shared here. Who knows? Not knowing where my inquiries and ramblings will take me in the short or long term is the fun part of blogging for me…

El sábado no podía dormir de disgusto que llevaba encima, y de un chiste contestando un post unas líneas mías evolucionaron a un texto sobre rol, sumisión y asunción de género que es corto e imperfecto, pero como todo el blog en sí es semilla de algo. Quizás un día escriba un ensayo en serio a partir de lo que exponía aquí. Quien sabe. No saber donde me llevan mis indagaciones y divagaciones a corto ni a largo plazo es lo divertido para mi de hacer un blog….

There's also one of my posts, inspired by a photo I wanted to share, that's on the verge of being left out. It was a joke, and it ended up being a zebraexplaining (I understand what I mean). If you'd like to read it and judge whether it's worth anything, you can find it here.

También hay al filo de quedarse fuera uno de mis textos paridos a partir de lo que me inspiraba una foto a compartir. Era un chiste y al final salió un cebraexplaining (yo me entiendo que quiero decir). Si os apetece leer y juzgar si vale para algo, lo tenéis aquí.

On Sunday, I gave you an old blog post, rewritten and revamped as a tribute to sexuality and sexting. It addresses the sexual fantasies we can't help but instill in others. Here it is, but I did something else that day (besides being sick to my stomach).

El domingo os daba reescrito y remozado como un canto a la sexualidad y el sexting un viejo texto del blog. Sacando el tema de las fantasmagorías sexuales que no podemos evitar poner en los demás. Aquí lo tenéis, pero algo más hice ese día (aparte de estar mala de la tripa)

In answer to an Ask, I talk about another interest of mine (not everything is erotic in the Lord's vineyard): liminal spaces for the liminal horror so characteristic of the 21st century. I'll tell you why I'm interested in these things, why they function as peculiar horror, and how to get into them.

Respondiendo un Ask hablo de otro interés mío (todo no es erótica en la viña del señor), los espacios liminales para el horror liminal tan del siglo XXI. Os cuento por qué me interesan estas cosas, por qué funcionan como terror peculiar y cómo introducirse en ello.

This week I got a little musical. I gave you a downloadable book about Japanese noise music, which inspired much of the Silent Hill OST/ Esta semana me puse un poco musical. Os dejé para descargar libro sobre la música Noise japonesa que inspiró gran parte de la OST de Silent Hill

[Only Spanish] Dejé también filosofía posmoderna en edición de libre distribución, este libro que veis AQUÍ

Bonus track: here I recover an old post talking about photography. Aquí recupero viejo post hablando de fotografía.

I think this was the most important thing, and it's not a bad way to start a new dynamic for the blog that will help with the content. On the secondary blog, there are more books about music that we owe (like all the ones I post) to @spaceintruderdetector, but I didn't want to overwhelm you. Another day they'll be featured, or I'll leave a music compilation. If you like this reminder format, let me know in the comments. And if you like two or more of these pieces of content but don't want to overload your own blog by sharing them one by one, you can reblog this entire post if you like. Enjoy!

Creo que esto era lo más importante y no está mal para empezar nueva dinámica al blog que ayude al contenido. En el blog secundario hay mas libros sobre música que debemos (como todos los que pongo) a @spaceintruderdetector , pero no he querido saturaros. Otro día saldrán a colación o dejaré recopilatorio musical. Si te gusta este formato de recordatorios, házmelo saber a comentarios. Y si te gustan dos o más de estos contenidos pero no quieres sobrecargar tu propio blog compartiendo uno a uno, puedes hacer reblog con todo este post si quieres. Disfrutad!

[thelovelclubarchive]

a history of obedient girls and other lies

Before I ever knew what anger was, I understood quiet disappointment. It arrived early, without warning, moving through the house with me, folding itself into the silence between spoken rules and unspoken expectations. I didn't recognize it for what it was, not yet. I only knew I felt heavy, like I was always bracing for something I couldn't name.

I've often wondered whether rage is something we inherit, like bone structure or blood type, something encoded deep into the body long before we learn the meaning of the word. Mine didn't arrive with fists or fire. It came quietly, threading itself into my spine, curling in my stomach, settling behind my teeth like an unuttered prayer. For years, I mistook it for shyness. For silence. For the ache of being a girl who did everything right.

Some days, rage is the only thing that makes me feel alive. It simmers just beneath the skin, close enough to sting, never far enough to forget. I carry it everywhere. Into the bathroom. Into conversations. Into bed. It sleeps curled at the base of my spine and follows me like a shadow I've stopped trying to explain. Some days, it's fire. I feel it in my chest, my cheeks, the soles of my feet. The floor beneath me seems to burn, and I'm the only one who smells the smoke. Other days, it's cold, so cold that touching my own skin feels like reaching for someone long gone. I sit at the edge of my bed and can't feel my legs. I drink tea that scalds my tongue just to remind myself I'm still here.

Rage doesn't always look like a scream. Sometimes it looks like not being able to get out of bed. I was raised on instructions disguised as care. Things that sounded like guidance but felt more like rules for survival. Sit straight. Lower your voice. Be pleasing. Be smart, but not too smart. Be successful, but never intimidating. Be soft, but not weak. Be pretty. Be fair. Be something people can look at without discomfort. Smile, even when you're burning. Especially when you're burning.

I have been a good girl all my life. I have heard. I have repeated. I have learned those lines as scriptures. I have swallowed my anger with the same case I swallowed compliments I didn't believe. You're so mature. You're so strong. You carry yourself well. As if strength was a badge and not the shape my body took when no one ever came to help me.

I've tried everything to belong. I've been the pick-me girl, the girls' girl, the one who disappears in a room full of people, and the one who holds everyone else together with hands that won't stop shaking. I've said, "You'll be okay" with a voice that didn't sound like mine. There's something cruel about that. When the words that soothe others echo back as lies. When you become so good at performance you start to forget there's still a person somewhere underneath it.

And still, there's the shame. The kind that wakes you at 3:27 a.m. and asks if you remember what you did. The kind which no amount of goodness can cover. I've made mistakes. I've hurt people. I've betrayed people I shouldn't have. Sometimes I tell myself it was survival. That I didn't know any better. But it doesn't clean the blood from my hands. It doesn't un-bruise the trust I broke. The guilt is sticky. It clings to my skin, my memories, my dreams. It doesn't leave. It only changes shape. The rules that were supposed to save me lie discarded on the floor.

I carry the graves of other people's pain inside me. Women who came before. Girls who were told to behave, to shrink, to hide their thighs and their voices. Boys who were never allowed to cry. Forests that are burning. Oceans choking on waste. The stray dogs with ribcages like cages. The child I never got to be. I don't know where I end and they begin. I don't know if there's a me underneath all this weight, or if I'm just a vessel. A body that inherited grief and doesn't know where to place it.

When it becomes too heavy, I speak to God. Not always in prayer. Sometimes in silence. Sometimes in questions I can't bring myself to say aloud. He's the only one who's seen me in every version. I ask for small things now. Love. Rest. A soft place to land. I ask Him why IIe gave me this body, this aching, hungry, howling body, if I wasn't strong enough to live in it. And still, I thank Him. Still, I beg. Still, I whisper, just a little joy. Please. I won't ask for anything else.

The room is quiet, but not empty. The light above the sink flickers. Dust collects on the blades of the fan. The mirror is covered in fingerprints I never wiped off. The street outside is cracked. The trees look tired. A bird outside cries in a voice I can't tell is laughter or warning. Somewhere else, a woman is biting her tongue until it tastes like metal. Somewhere, a girl is learning to smile when she wants to scream.

And here I am. Boiling water I won't drink. Pressing send on messages I don't mean. Carrying on because that's what I was taught. Because rage this old doesn't ask to be seen anymore. It simply becomes the weather inside you. It curls around the bones. It sits beneath the skin. It waits.

And sometimes I wonder, if I ever put it down, even for a moment, would there be anything left of me to recognize.

[renaultmograine]

What happened in Warcraft, I haven't been keeping up since BFA was so unpleasant for me?

Oh boy where to begin. Uh not a fully comprehensive explanation but I'm not the guy who writes the Chronicles, and this is all off the dome.

Shadowlands

Sylvanas burned Teldrassil because she joined with the guy who was controlling the Lich King. Like, unironically. She thought this was a good idea.

Sylvanas helped kidnap Anduin so he'd be horribly tortured and later turned into a death knight with a mourneblade and no free will. There's an entire book about Sylvanas cryposting about how her life sucks because her mom was a little hard on her to Anduin who is taking this with an extreme amount of grace considering everything Sylvanas has done, from Teldrassil to being responsible for him being tortured.

We meet four of the one billion covenants that souls are separated into when reaching the afterlife. It's Memory Loss Angels, Undead Warband Fraternity, Vampires Sucking The Sin Out Of You, and... the nature one. I don't remember what Ardenweald does other than reborn wild gods. I think if your samsara is good you get sent back to the real world as a squirrel or something.

The guy controlling the Lich King, named the Jailer, is pissed off because his siblings, all responsible for the four covenants that are important (I guess), didn't think that a void lord that consumes planets was a big deal (I guess, we don't actually know his motivation, that's just what everyone assumes), and the Undead Warband Fraternity leader invented Domination magic specifically to lock his ass in hell until he... stopped being concerned about this? I don't know what the plan was.

The Jailer is now on a revenge arc, having used Sylvanas on Azeroth for a bunch of soul... power or something, and having joined with his Vampire brother who.... apparently agreed with him at some point but didn't argue his point? Just so he could turncoat and fuck over all his other siblings later? Oh boy I don't know if I can get through explaining this shit.

The Jailer goes to the progenitor world where everything was test drived essentially and breaks into some place with Anduin (oh by the way Sylvanas is a good person at this point, Uther gave her therapy, it's not important) because he wants to... reoriginate Azeroth? I guess?

We get Anduin back after he beats the everliving shit out of the raid only because the Jailer decided that he was going to make us watch Anduin rip his own soul out, but Anduin last minute goes "wait this shits stupid" and stops being Dominated. Unironically. No exaggerating. He thinks of his dad and then goes "no, mind control is stupid" and stops being mind controlled. We met a god earlier who couldn't do that. That god was the incarnation of warcraft in the series Warcraft.

We defeat the Jailer, Sylvanas gets awarded community service, and everyone goes home.

Dragonflight (this will be shorter)

The Dragon Isles, where the dragons used to live, have suddenly appeared again after being hidden in mists and impossible to reach. No this isn't Mists of Pandaria again its totally different now.

There were these other dragons called... primalists? primal dragons? They control like, storms, and... other storms, and earth, and fire. They're elemental dragons I guess. Anyway Alexstrasza hated their asses because they were like "Hey we don't want to be empowered by the Titans" and so they all got sent to prison for twenty thousand years. No this isn't Warcraft 3 again its totally different now.

Everyone decided that racism is bad and we're doing kumbayah shit now. Alexstrasza immediately is racist to the black dragonflight.

This entire expansion is mostly just "Alexstrasza Never Faces Consequences Ever, Even When She's Objectively Wrong In The Narrative"

Sabellian comes back from Outland with all those dragons. He and Wrathion and Ebonhorn have an interesting dynamic. That's about the only thing of interest in this expansion.

Oh god I've barely talked about the plot. Anyway all the dragons need to empower oathstones to do... something. The red flights oath is raising babies, the black flights oath is protecting people, the bronze oath is........ something. the green oath is being best friends with the centaur that live on the dragon isles (yeah they retconned centaur lore). the blue oath is "family is good."

OH right so the primal dragons--the storm one, Raszageth, broke out of prison, and is trying to break out her sister and brothers from their prisons too. she almost kills Alex at one point but decides not to because Wrathion showed up and ?????? killing in front of kids bad. Anyway we kill Raszageth but she manages to break her siblings out so everything's fucked.

Chromie sends the adventurer in the past to go break Invincible's legs in front of a child Arthas for funsies, among other insane shit. This has zero bearing on the plot.

Oh god this isn't shorter is it.

The earth primal dragon (different from the earthwarder?) Iridikron steals something from somewhere and gives it to Xal'atath before fucking off and never being seen in the plot again.

Fyrakk, the fire primal dragon, decides "you know what, I'm going to go burn down a world tree, because I fucking hate Alexstrasza." His sister, I forgot her name but she's the ice lady, doesn't really vibe with this because she and Alex were friends before Alex was like "hey I dont care if youre opposed to the titans empowering eggs without consent" and threw her ass in prison.

VYRANOTH THATS HER NAME Vyranoth leaves and goes to Alexstrasza and is basically like "Hey you were a jackass for doing this" and Alex doesnt apologize and Vyranoth goes "well you're the hero of the expansion so its fine I'm on your side now" and nothing of interest is addressed.

Fyrakk goes and attacks. I don't even remember the fucking tree. He attacks a World Tree with this cool axe he has and he and Alexstrasza have a fight where theyre both in mortal forms and it looks really fucking stupid and Fyrakk is like "oghhh dragon queen! going to die ALL ALONE!!!" and Alexstrasza looks up with a smug determination and goes "I'm not alone" and literally the most random ass assortment of racial leaders and important characters teleport in like 40 feet away, to which Fryakk, who has Alexstrasza in Axe Cleaving Range let alone Turn-Into-A-Dragon-And-Eat-Her range goes "bah! foiled again!" and leaves, not at all hindered by anyone who just came in.

We kill Fyrakk and the fucking aspects are empowered again because I GUESS Azeroth was just SO HAPPY about this that they gave them all god powers again, effectively ending the age of mortals that began with the death of Deathwing. Vyranoth is empowered to, becoming the "aspect of storms," and she sees no problem with this empowerment because "it's different from the Titan's power," which means she's either stupid or Azeroth was retconned into not being a nascent Titan anymore.

Holy fuck I hate Dragonflight more than Shadowlands

The War Within (this WILL be shorter because we've got two patches and I haven't played one of them)

Xal'atath shows up to clown, blows up Dalaran, sucks up Khadgar in her magic compass thing she got from Iridikron, and does... something. I dont know what her plan is honestly.

We go to the Isle of Dorn where earthen are and they retcon a bunch of earthen stuff and also some other dwarven lore that I just side eyed the entire time. The earthen are basically robots. Theyre kind of fucking annoying to listen to.

We meet an isolated nerubian community that are pretty fucking cool and also an Arathi Empire cult that is boring as shit because theyre a group of people deathly afraid of the dark and they live in a cave because they're stupid. The narrative will repeatedly throw in Faerin, the One Girl Who Is Brave And Smart And Strong And Who Everyone Loves And Who Is Super Accepting And NOT Racist into a story beat to make everyone go "wow you're so smart and correct Faerin"

You and Gazlowe and Renzik go to Undermine and go kill Gallywix (because he fucked off in BFA) and Renzik gets killed because his voice actor is a SAG AFTRA one that was protesting unauthorized AI voice over in video games or some such. Which is great because I definitely didn't like Renzik since BFA or anything 😐

Khadgar dies but because Anduin, who has been having a crisis of faith since Shadowlands, held a girl's hand for six seconds, he had enough mojo to resurrect him from the dead. Yeah he's now the second strongest priest in lore. Probably not a surprise since his will is stronger than the God of Warcraft's.

I missed a lot of Shadowlands' story honestly but also. I didn't miss anything you needed to know to understand the larger Warcraft narrative.

[theinheriteddutchess]

Evermore

Dreams can come true part 6

Summary: Lee gets a little overwhelmed after the birth

Pairing: Lee Bodecker x reader

Word count: 757

Warnings: Lee 🤷🏻‍♀️

Notes: short but cute. Working on more don't worry, let me know if you liked it! 💕

Masterlist * series masterlist * read the beginning

〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️

The rumbling started again.

He wasn’t even aware of it, until he heard a soft: “Lee, can you hand me some water, I’m thirsty”, and he found himself, crouched down, teeth bared, and growling at anyone that came near.

He looked up, watched his wife hold their tiny baby and calmed down. He grabbed a glass and filled it, pushing it under her nose.

“I can drink myself, Lee,” she told him, a bit bewildered.

He blinked. He didn’t know what was going on with him. And yet, everytime a stranger came near, he tensed up.

“It’s normal behaviour, mr. Bodecker. You’ve just had a baby, your hormones are telling you to protect them. Even if you’re going to have to let me do a check up to see if they’re doing fine,” the doctor explained calmly.

He felt sick with the idea that a strange man was going to touch her, but knowing they were going to be fine, that there would be no complications, made him force himself to allow it. To keep busy with fussing over his wife. Checking if she was warm enough. Needed food? Drink?

The baby was so tiny. He only held her once. She was as light as a feather. He wasn’t afraid to drop her. He would always be there to catch her if she fell. He knew he had wanted to be a father, but the love he felt was something almost overwhelming. Something so precious.

His sweet Omega was watching him carefully, watching if he was going to act up again in Alpha display, but she was good at calming him down. Right now, positions had changed. She navigated him. Seemed to know just what to do instinctively.

The baby was secure in her arms. Warm and safe, against her mother's chest. His wife holding her close, already having fed his daughter. A moment where she looked down to watch the baby feed with an expression that showed both wonder and slight discomfort. The relief when things went without problems.

He wished she was already pregnant again, watching her being so radiant. Tired, sure, but never less perfect in his eyes.

He was going to let her heal however. Get used to having a baby around. Some women never wanted more children. They grew tired and agitated. Stuck in their lives, and the hard work having too many children took.

He wanted, always, but he would never want her unhappy with him. With them. There was more than the two of them now. Their child. Their beautiful tiny little munchkin. She was perfect too. The best baby in town. Probably the best in this country. Everyone would be so jealous seeing her.

“Baby is fine, mrs. Bodecker. Now let's check you, alright?”

As soon as the doctor moved the sheets, Lee growled and balled his fist, taking a step forward.

“Lee, look, she’s falling asleep,” he heard her say quickly, and his eyes snapped towards her. Back and forth, back and forth.

“He needs to look, Alpha, come watch your daughter, I think she has your nose.”

He wanted to rip the doctor’s hands off, but his wife wanted him to behave. And it was darn cute watching his little pumpkin close her eyes and yawn. Her little fingers firmly grasping her mother’s blouse.

“I want another,” he blurted out.

She snorted with abrupt laughter. “Lee, we just had her!”

“I’m sorry. I love you, I want all of you.” He blushed with embarrassment at the ridiculous display he made.

“You have. We’ll see later, yes? I’m thinking your Alpha brain is a little overwhelmed right now.”

She was right, but still. “I’ll buy a bigger house.”

She shook her head. “You want to hold her?” She ignored his rambling.

“Yes.” He smiled.

Carefully he picked her up and looked at her beautiful face, still wrinkly, but fast asleep. She didn’t even wake up, just settled in his arms immediately. He smiled, tears in his eyes as he glanced at his wife. “She’s so perfect.”

She smiled back. “She is, just like her daddy.”

“I want four!” He blurted out.

He heard one of the nurses giggle in the back, but he was too lost in the intensity of his emotions.

“Are you sure it's normal,” his wife asked the doctor suddenly.

“Oh it is, Mrs. Bodecker. It’s when they stop communicating and get feral, that’s when we start worrying.”

“Lee, talk all you want,” she suddenly changed her tone. “ How many were we talking about again?”

Taglist:

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@thezombieprostitute

@bitchymama

@allthenobodyppl-fics

@allthenobodypplfics

@caplanbuckybarnes

@clancycolzig

@littlelovebug98

@ashychangeling

@maryf8cwriter

@helen-2003

@fefa-la-printcessa

@rnurse-kole

@peaches1958

[crabsnpersimmons]

did i make the hands too big?

also another question: would being spooned in bed by a large-handed robot husband require a #suggestive tag? my gut feeling says yes, but i recognize i'm generally over-cautious and i may be over thinking it

(my gut feeling can be summed up with the question: "would i be embarrassed if my mom saw this?" and if it's a "yes" then it gets the suggestive tag)

[tavina-writes]

CQL and Genre Intertextuality

I'm being bashed over the head with the "nhs's fan in CQL is made of xuantie/dark iron" thing again and @poorlittleyaoyao please understand that I am thinking of this constantly since you made that post talking about it because I'm just.

holding my head in my hands bc ye gods the cql show writers were genre savvy in ways that are hilarious but also make me feel like I've been hit upside the head with a waffle iron.

For those of us who are no longer damaged by the post or hadn't seen it (I don't actually know where it's gone bc the search feature doesn't work on this webbed site):

Xuantie/Dark Iron is a Jin Yong created metal that famously was used for the blade of the Dragon Slaying Sabre in the third novel of the Condor Trilogy, 倚天屠龍記/The Heavenly Sword and Dragon Saber.

The Heaven Reliant Sword 倚天劍 was created from Yang Guo and Xiao Longnv's Gentleman and Lady swords, whilst the Dragon Slaying Saber 屠龍刀 was created from Grandmaster Dugu Seeking-a-Loss's Dark Iron Sword.

Can we please all take a moment to appreciate how NHS's fan not his saber, NHS, from The Family With The Sabers, gets to shout about how his fan is made of xuantie. The most famous for being the metal that made up The Dragon Slaying Saber. His fan. Not his saber. his fan. dark iron. Dragon Slaying Saber. This is so funny I'm about to mcfucking lose it yet again while typing this.

Going back to Grandmaster Dugu Seeking-A-Loss (who appears in both Return of the Condor Heroes and Xiao Ao Jianghu) and his giant pet condor (sadly, only a ROCH feature) who might've been his one true soulmate for a second, this situation from episode 7, when the Yunmeng Siblings are leaving the Cloud Recesses:

Now, the subtitles here really DO NOT do this line justice because when I first saw it it took me FLAT THE FUCK OUT and I had to lie on the floor laughing for like, 80 seconds before I got my breath back.

Okay, what this line ACTUALLY says is "I am Dugu Qiubai (Grandmaster Dugu Seeking-A-Loss), what's wrong with seeking a match?"

Now, to understand this, we come to this backstory on Dugu Qiubai in XAJH:

“Senior master Dugu Seeking-A-Loss, who created this set of sword techniques, had a name ‘Seeking-A-Loss.’ He had been seeking a loss all his life and still couldn’t get one. Once the sword techniques were executed, he would become unmatched anywhere in the world. Why would he have to defend? If anyone could have forced him to draw his sword back and defend himself, the respectful master would have burst with joy and be delighted beyond measure.” Feng Qingyang said. “Dugu Seeking-A-Loss, Dugu Seeking-A-Loss,” Linghu Chong muttered as he imagined how the senior master had wandered about the Martial World, unmatched anywhere, with only his sword, and couldn’t even find a single one who was capable of forcing him into a defending stance. That was truly admirable.

from Chapter Ten of XAJH: Sword Training.

"If anyone could force him to draw his sword back to defend himself, the grandmaster would have burst with joy and be delighted beyond measure" DO YOU SEE WHY JC STARTED CALLING WWX SHAMELESS NOW. they're JUNIORS. WWX is calling himself "the greatest man of all, who'd sought the feeling of losing just ONCE being forced to defend himself just ONCE in a LIFETIME" and saying "LWJ might be my equal. my soulmate. the loss I was seeking my whole life."

All 15 years of it I'm sure, WWX.

I'm not going to get into finding martial arts manuals or a respected grandmaster who taught you incredible things in a cave bc 1) LHC and Feng Qingyang up there are sitting together, in a cave and LHC is being taught incredible things and 2) Duan Yu from Demi-Gods and Semi-Devils once found the magic finger lasers of ultra laser in a cave. In front of the statue of a goddess. (don't talk about the dancing goddess statue now, Tav. We don't have time for that in this post.)

Not kidding the intertextuality of CQL and how much it plays with and against the tropes of its genre, especially other wuxia tv adaptations as well as wuxia novels is insane. There's other ones I'm missing for certain and these were just the most funny to me, personally, but! just! oh my god! insane! insane! SO funny, so clever in so many ways

[ineffablelara]

Yes to all this but I want to make an addition: Mobius is not only responsible for breaking Loki with the tortures and the things he said in ep 1, he also was the one who convinced Loki he was in love with sylvie

Now I'm not saying Loki had no feelings for her but I think the idea of him falling madly in love with someone in the span of twelve hours (the time they spent together in Lamentis) is absurd

He might've had a crush or something like that but being in love is just too much (and maybe that's why it was so easy for him to get over her in s2, it wasn't that big of a deal to begin with, he cares for her deeply but not necessarily in a romantic way)

I do think he admires her and was very moved by her story, maybe he got a little protective over her when he learned that she was snatched from her life as a child bc he put himself on her shoes and realized how terrifying of a life she lived

So I think his protectiveness towards her paired with the beginning of a crush made it very easy for him to mistake what he was feeling with romantic love, when Mobius said he liked her Loki seemed surprised, since he had never experienced that before he just accepted it and didn't question it (he didn't have the time to)

Then Mobius puts him in a loop where he keeps listening again and again that he is alone and he always will be, Natalie Holt said that Sif told Loki those things bc they had spent a night together and then he cut her hair as a prank, I know some people don't accept what she said as canon but I do and for the sake of my next point I'll ask everyone reading this to accept it too, just to get the point across (I actually think it works even if you don't accept it as canon but it makes the point stronger imo)

Loki was facing a woman he probably had feelings for and whom he let down (to put it mildly), she beat him up and told him he deserved to be alone, Mobius had just told him he was in love with sylvie and he rolled with it, so when he got out of the loop he was terrified by the idea of being alone and probably of letting down yet another woman he had feelings for

So he decided to not run away from his feelings anymore, if he still had a family in a timeline I think he would have done everything he could to fix his relationship with them, but he had nothing, Mobius was starting to turn into a friend and he got pruned right in front of him, the only person he had left in the entire existence was sylvie

That surely amplified whatever feelings he had for her up to the highest level, she was his chance of having a fulfilling life, she was someone who had suffered a lot at the hands of the tva, he admired her resilience and his heart was broken by the knowledge that she had her life stolen from her when she was a little child, this explains why he's so patient with her imo, I think deep down he thinks she's still that scared little girl

(just like he's that scared little boy, I don't want to sound patronizing, I just think he sees a lot of himself in her for obvious reasons, they are the same after all)

He lets her rudeness and bluntness slide bc he knows she never had the chance to grow up in a palace as a princess like he did, he becomes empathetic and kind and all those new feelings are easy to mistake for romantic love, especially for someone who doesn't even know what that means

But then everything goes to shit in the citadel, and Loki is left to deal with yet another heatbreak caused indirectly by Mobius, I wonder if he is even aware of this, did he really think Loki was in love with her or did he say that just to taunt him?

Anyway, Mobius directly and indirectly caused Loki A LOT of pain, and I wonder if he ever had a moment of realization where he understood just how destructive his influence on Loki's life was and if he cried himself to sleep when he noticed that

Obviously he had a HUGE positive impact on Loki's life too, he supported him, gave him strenght to continue and made him smile in moments where I'm sure Loki was feeling desperate and lost, he was the light of his life in s2 and the most important person to him, but I'm sure it's easy for Mobius to overlook that when Loki never really told him how much he meant to him, and when you're deep in negativity it's easy to forget about the good things

The funny thing is, if he ever went to apologise to Loki crying and begging for forgiveness, Loki would just be like lmao wtf do you mean, you're literally the person I love the most in the universe, calm down dear

Thanks for reading my rant lol, this got way longer than I intended but the process of writing it gave me a lot of insights

Mobius' guilt

I started to think about the shift in Mobius' treatment of Loki in s2 and the only explanation for it in my mind is that he's wrecked by guilt and regret over his actions

After he returned from the void he wanted to unveil the truth and to change the tva, Loki was gone with sylvie and they were probably going to kill the man behind the curtain and then go on together to live their lives on the timelines, but them, suddenly Casey appears saying that Loki was there looking for him and he seemed to be in pain

Mobius can't believe his ears and he tries to get miss minutes to locate Loki so they can talk, but then things happen and he finds himself in the war room with B15 and everyone else, Loki then fucking materializes himself in the room and he looks desperate, anxious and 5 seconds away from a mental breakdown

Mobius grabs him immediately, he gets protective over him, he touches him as if to convince himself that this is real, that Loki really is there with him, he grabs Loki by the waist and guides him to safety, away from Dox and X-5, but first Loki unveils yet another secret, his voice breaks, he's visibly shaking and Mobius' first instinct is to soothe him, to guide him to safety

In s2ep1 it's very clear that Loki's well being is above everything else for Mobius, he doesn't care about Dox going after sylvie, he doesn't care about He Who Remains or whatever the hell he is called, the only thing he cares about is Loki, his friend who is visibly in a very bad headspace, when Loki's about to prune himself to fix the timeslipping D-90 appears talking about Dox and her plans, Loki immediately wants to drop everything to follow them and stop Dox but Mobius is having none of it, he seems exasperated when he says "we have one shot at this!", he's not letting Loki risk his life for anyone now, HE should be the priority, Mobius even risks his own skin in the gangway to save him, he stays there for longer than he should have, all because he desperately wanted to save Loki and keep him safe

After that we see how cool and loose he is in the mission to find Brad, the roles are reversed and now Loki is the one most focused on the misison and Mobius is enjoying himself and the time he's spending with Loki, he even wanted them to sit down and have some drinks together lmao, the urgency is over, Loki is safe and sound and whatever crisis the multiverse is about to go through can wait, they have time

And I think this shift comes because Mobius feels immense guilt and regret over what the tva and especially him, did to Loki. The tortures, the beatings, the mockery, the humiliations and insults, he's ashamed of what he has done and he wants to compensate for it all, he wants to enjoy this new chance he was given to live with Loki, he was assigned to be in charge of him by Ravonna and now he takes that task more seriously than ever, and not in a pedantic way, Loki's not a child that needs to be watched over, but Loki is to him, someone that deserves to be taken care of, especially with how the whole situation in the citadel affected him, he wants to support him and be by his side at all times

Until Loki suddenly ignores their plan to fix the loom and gives him goodbye, taking up the responsability of the multiverse on his shoulders and leaving Mobius behind, feeling empty and impotent, unable to stop Loki and to understand what drove him to make that decision in the control room

I think that hit Mobius stronger than anything else, he wanted to make up for all the pain he inflicted upon his friend, he wanted to enjoy their time together, he wanted to fight by Loki's side, and hell, maybe he was even planning on making a formal apology to Loki, after they fixed the loom and could worry about other things

But Loki left and Mobius couldn't do any of those things anymore, he couldn't make up for his mistakes, he couldn't say a proper apology, and he could never see or hear Loki again

So he became a shell of a man and got consumed by grief, so much that he had to leave the tva for a while until he regained strenght to go back and make Loki proud

I think he loves Loki deeply, and his guilt and regret almost eat him alive, especially with how kind and soft Loki turned out to be with him, he wanted to repay that kindness but he couldn't, and that's what broke him in the end, that and the realization that he was not strong enough to protect Loki like he wished he could

Anyway, these are just some thoughts that came to me after our interactions earlier @justanotherhopelessgeek, I couldn't stop thinking about it so I had to get it out of my system

[allbeendonebefore]

at the funeral a relative asked what i did for work and i have to get over my internalized bullshit when talking to people and just start calling myself a historian even though "technically" im "not" like i have far more historical training than most amateur historians and i am the closest thing my historical organization has to a historian with said training so i should just call myself one for the layman at this point because bullshitting about the nuance and my actual various titles is meaningless to people, and people don't appreciate that actual labour that goes into reading and writing history and i need to start appreciating it myself. Even if it's a historian with a lowercase h or something like....... it's basically what I am doing at the end of the day and I'm tired of fighting with myself over terminology and fighting with people who don't take what i do seriously or appreciate the extent to which i'm doing it