#and i dont think ill ever be able to make it fit

[downfallofi]

The incredible depression of like, it doesnt matter where you go, there you are.

[scattered-winter]

for all the baggage that comes with it, there's something kinda liberating about being the black sheep of the family tbh

[officialspec]

can you pleeeeease post your dm sexuality/gender hcs on here.... 🥺 i don't have a twitter but i wanna know. it's like a pandora's box to me now i'm like scratching at the door. let me in

heres the link 2 the thread (mild spoilers btw) ill post a transcript under the cut for ppl who dont have twitter

first off i think laios relationship to sex is super removed for like 50 reasons without even getting into his actual sexuality

he grew up in a place with very repressed ideas about sex and has a lot of fear about asserting his presence in situations

his special interest takes precedent over any social interactions he has and the level of closeness he feels towards people

he has a hard time figuring out his feelings towards other people both bc hes autistic and bc he has freaky deviantart fetishes that make sex in his mind a very abstract concept <- this one is me projecting mostly

that aside, i feel like gender-wise hes attracted to ppl so infrequently it may as well be entirely case-by-case

the idea of him being gay appeals to me from the 'raised with traditional values he Does Not fit into/hasnt begun to question it yet' perspective, i lauve characters who put a lot of stock into performing a role thats expected of them and fail miserably for unknown (gay) reasons

from his perspective tho i dont think he would ever really label himself anything. hes going to pride parades in the shirt+shorts Ally Fit to clap for his friends

hes also 'cis by indifference' imo... i love tmasc laios hcs it just doesnt mesh w his personal history to me. i do think hes got some kind of therian gender thing going on (not trans or nb but a secret third thing) but i cant see him changing anything abt his appearance/pronouns to accommodate that post-canon. hes just doin his thang

falin is in a similar boat for gender. i LOOVE tfem falin but the village repression thing has been bugging at me so i dont think i subscribe to it anymore (canon purist sorry) BUT if u hold that hc i am clapping and cheering regardless

instead i was propagandised to a while back and i LOVEEE the idea that being fused w a male dragon and the residual traits she has after being revived have given her a type of gender euphoria she didnt realise she was missing. a little boygirl swagger if u will

sexuality-wise i also dont think she would care to label herself, shes a lesbian by virtue of only being interested in One woman and zero other people. without marcille i do think shes still exclusively attracted to women, and i like to imagine she might experiment around a bit during her travels post-canon (pre-relationship). hearing abt it might put marcille on the news though

marcille is very simple That is a transfem lesbian. she cant get pregnant, shes obsessed w being femme and all that combined w her half-tallman struggles to be seen as 'properly feminine' by elf standards reads very transfeminine to Me. also her bookboy crush REEKS of comphet its not subtle

i think a more comfortable marcy might have the space to experiment w being elf butch like her manga boys but thats mainly self indulgence for me. utena could have saved her

senshi is gay his whole thing is abt not being able to perform dwarven masculinity to a proper standard (soft hearted, not as strong or rugged as his peers) which is like gaycoding 101. also hes a bear. homosexuality be damned by boy can work a grill

adding onto this i rly think senshi got some type of euphoria from being an elf in the changeling chapters. he was feeling himself so much i think he was using it as an outlet to have fun being a little fem and fruity without needing to justify it. do u understand

i dont have any particular opinions abt him gender-wise beyond that. his bulge is an essential part of his character design but i also saw a transmasc senshi a couple days ago that made me nod my head thoughtfully so i could go either way

chilchuck is cis and bisexual this is just canon. not even just his old man crush on senshi altho i do think thats very funny but they put his ass on a cover themed like hes in a dating sim with all the men and women in the cast and then slapped it in front of a chapter called "bicorn". i simply cant pass up that kind of overt signaling. its so fucking funny what else is there to say truly

izu to ME is a transmasc aroace lesbian (this one has the least basis in canon i just know it to be true) shes a little genderfluid with it nd uses he/she i think. i like to imagine she consistently uses masculine personal pronouns to refer to herself either way tho (boku, ore)

i think izutsumis gender/sexuality is entirely secondary in priorities to her body dysphoria. she has a lot of learning and acceptance 2 do before that kind of self discovery is on the docket and in my mind eschewing gender on some level is part of that. get sillay

shuro is cishet but at least he feels bad about it. next listen listen to me i dont think he would ever actually examine this but i need u to put on ur tin foil hat with me for one second. i think estrogen could have saved her. i have more thoughts on this but im not gonna propagandise too much on this post just know that im right

kabru is a transmasc bisexual this is also practically text. his whole thing of being treated like a doll by milsiril to put in pretty dresses, plus i think it would be pretty easy for him to stealth in the west since tallmen are seen as inherently more masculine than elves

(i also think changing genders is just more common for elves. theyre androgynous enough that it wouldnt be hard and like who in their right miiiiind would be the same gender for 500 years. dwarves too)

i think he started presenting as male socially in the west but didnt need to consider medical transition until he moved to a more mixed culture where other races might see him as a woman

i dont have to explain the bisexual part. have u seen him

namari is a butch bisexual this is just canon straight up. shes not transmasc but i think the default settings for dwarven women is like 4 years of T regardless. shes a hit at all the local cruising spots despite her renfaire nerdisms i know this

and just bc im thinking abt em kiki and kaka are identical and kiki is tfem :} theyre both attracted to women but kaka is a sub so i forgive him

THATS ALL 4 NOW theres a lot of characters so i cant have thoughts abt all of them at once but i hope this was good. im right about everything forever as per usual

[miikapie]

"Its not gonna fit!" with Geto, Choso, Toji and Gojo! (NSFW)

Just posting this because ive been thinking about writing it for weeks. Enjoy this tiny drabble while I stress over college!

Cw:.. fem!reader x various jjk men, they're mean :(( (toji, gojo too kinda..), choso being too sweet, cunilingus (choso), bad grammar ofcourse, SEX SMASHING INTERCOURSE BABY MAKING FUCKING MAKING LOVE i hope you get the point.

/MDNI//NSFW UNDER THE CUT!!

Gojo is so mean to you. If you say absolutely anything related to his size, or not being able to accommodate to his girth, hes seizing the opportunity to brag and belittle you while doing so.

"Awh baby.. it can't fit? hmm? Is my cock too big? Its okay, cutie, I know I know.. Maybe we just need to pay attention to your little clit, and we'll stretch you out too yeah? Im gonna make sure your little cunt remembers every single one of my veins no matter how long it takes to get in aallllll the way."

Geto (sighs dreamily) I LOVE THIS MAN. Totally much nicer than Gojo, but unintentionally mind-breaks you. His voice btw is so sexy can you imagine how husky it is duirng the deed??? drooling rn.

"Oh, what was that? It wont fit, hm? Thats okay, love. We'll find our way around it. Just gotta stretch you out some more so i can hit that spot you love so much, mhm? Right there isnt it? Yeah, I can tell with the way you're tightening around me. Or what about this? Maybe I'll touch your clit a little more. God... I love seeing you like this. Thats a good girl.. lay down juuust like that. You dont need to think for yourself anymore when I've got you."

Toji is SO mean, and incredibly cocky. Despite knowing damn well he's way too big to bottom out immediately in you, he takes this opportunity be snarky fun of you while destroying your insides.

" 's too big? We'll make it fit, doll. Stop moving like that, you know its just gonna hurt more. Give it a few minutes and you'll be crying like a bitch in heat. Fine. I'll be nice i guess, but im still going all the way in. 's not my fault your pussy's too damn tight. Fuck.. so good.. Yeah, see? Told you you could take it, wipe those tears 'fa me and keep your legs up here on my shoulders, yeah?"

Nanami... ah. He tries so so hard to be nice to you, by slowly bullying his way in your walls, but no matter how many times you do the deed it seems like you can never keep up with his size

"Too much, honey? Its okay, sweetheart. Look, I'll put a pillow just under your back here.. and it'll make you feel much better. Whats that? Feels nicer now? Ill take it slow as always honey, just take your deep breaths... God.. you're always so tight... It feels nice when I touch you right here doesn't it?..Feels deeper? Yes, love, thats the pillow under your back helping you relax. We're gonna have to use that trick next time wont we? Thats it, sweet thing, see? Im almost bottomed out and you haven't even noticed at all."

Choso is too much of a sensitive lover to even think about ever possibly pushing your boundaries. If he ever heard you say anything along the lines of 'too big' he'd pull out immediately and instead eat you out as an apology. (even though you've told him its just something you said in the heat of the moment) (he still leaves you shaking tho.)

[stillfacingthesky]

being trans is such a mindfuck. nobody knows who i am. i dont need to come out, im fine as i am. i hide behind my clothes. i dont recognise myself in the mirror. i dont know if i ever will. i want to transition. im scared of change. i want to be seen and known. i am in danger. queer joy is beautiful. i am more open than a queer person used to be able to be. someone like me was murdered yesterday. i saw their face on the news, and the reporter used the wrong name. wearing mens’ clothes brings me joy, and the joy is reminiscent of a little girl. i want to be pretty. my skin doesnt fit and my voice is not mine. im scared i might love my father more. i dont need to come out, i can manage this all. im going to die someday anyway, it wont matter. a kid was staring at me in the bookstore today and i saw my past in their eyes. i wonder if they saw their future in mine. i want to be someones boyfriend. i am my brothers sister. all bodies are beautiful except mine. god created grapes but not wine and wheat but not bread. god hates fags. there is something wrong with me. if i ignore it, itll go away. its not going away. it hasnt gone away in seven years. i dont want to be a stereotype. i love brash vulgarity. my mother thinks i am beautiful. i share her face. i know ill regret it if i never come out. i dont want to waste my life wearing a costume. i dont know if i want to sacrifice the life that ive had for the life i could have. someone out there understands me. someone else would kill me without regret. someone would cry if i was gone. someone would praise my killer as a hero. there are photos and illustrations of people like me in the past. our history has been erased. theyre still trying to erase us. i dont know if the present is worth the future. i want to be happy. i dont feel like i deserve it. ‘female’ leaves a bitter taste in my mouth. ‘woman’ makes me see stars. i am one but not the other. i am the ghost of the person i want to be. i encourage others and love them regardless. i am a hypocrite. ive been in hiding since i was thirteen. i want to be loud. my mother spent nine months creating me. i will spend the rest of my life creating myself. i am scared. i am angry. i am beautiful and sickening and i want to rip my skin apart to make space for something new. my rage is glorious. they will never understand. i do not need them to. i am so lonely. i am an artist and i want to be a masterpiece. they call my creation mutilation. i dont want to make my parents sad. i want my brother to like me. i am visibly queer. that man shouted at me to smile because he was treating me like a woman. what i have right now is enough. i want more. i don’t know if ill ever have it. if i die tomorrow, i will be buried in a dress. it will be a dress that is already in my closet, a pretty dress that i havent worn in years.

[aonungyoufuck]

Runaway {Part 4}

Masterlist

DNI/BYF

Synopsis: Ao'nung and you have a talk behind some rocks. And oh oh whats this? A baby??

It had been around a week or so. You had finally been healed enough that Ronal saw fit to train you a little. Finally being able to go home. You thanked your stars that all you had to do now was eat some stew here and there for the internal pain you still felt. 

“Good. This is good'' Ronal complimented your craftsmanship on the basket you had weaved. You weren’t allowed to train in anything else. Tsireya was there for that. But she had asked you for a basket and a blanket. Aside from the proper paste that would dissolve the umbilical cord without hurting the babe or Ronal. 

“Thank you!” You nodded, bowing your head. “I will like to make your babe another Blanket. If it is alright with you” 

“That is fine.” 

“I know you said i cant help deliver the babe. I do know how to if you ever need extra help.” You hadn’t really delivered a lot of babies. But Your mother and grandmother had allowed you and Kiri to train for the woman of your old clan. 

“ I am aware, thank you. If you dont mind. Ill go make your food.” She stood up with your help as you handed her the basket. “You go on and get going. Remember no going until the water just yet”

You nodded bidding her goodbye as you watched her go. 

Walking home you didnt expect much to happen. Didn’t expect to be stopped. But feeling the slightest of tugs on your hand you looked. 

To Your Surprise it was Rotxo.

“Oh? Is there something you need?”

“Come with me” 

With not much thought you followed after. You didnt know why, or perhaps you did. But you just knew this was because of Ao’nung. 

In the time you been healing you had spend the most time with him. It was nice to have a friend in him too. And maybe your heart ached a little when you saw him. Whenever he was close to you.  

You had gone crazy. You knew. All your life you had wanted nothing than to prove your spot to your family. But as of late all you could think about was a mate. 

You were growing older. And soon if things work out correctly. You’ll be an adult in the eyes of the clan. You had hoped it was going to work. All you really had was to bond with a tulkun and Tame a skimwing. And had you not been shot close to your heart. Perhaps you wouldn’t have to stop your progress. 

“Where are we going?”

“Ao’nung is wanting to meet you near the Reef. But away from prying eyes”

There it was. That hint that he would be there to see you. For what you weren’t sure. 

“Sounds like he wants to kill me” 

At that he let out a hefty laugh. And it was nice to finally hear it. You hadn’t realized it. But your near death had caused almost everyone to dim their light. “I think its more to help you train on taming a skimwing”

“Wow jumping to training already”

“He has good reason for it too” 

You could only smile. The faintest of little hope you had lighting up. Warming your chest with a feeling you didn’t know of. 

“He’s past that rock over there. I'm heading home. I still have an awful lot of chores to do.” Rotxo spoke as he started running back. 

You watched him go. Before walking over the rocks and finally seeing the open sea. And there Ao’nung was. 

“Tame a skimwing huh? Forgot i cant go into the water just yet?”

“Oh hush i thought you may appreciate some alone time from everyone”

“That would include you Genius” 

He could only mock a laugh. Watching as you sat down beside him.Something about the past few days had changed everything about your dynamic.  Things were different. The looks were passionate and other worldly. And all you two wanted and mutually understood is that you were better together alone. 

“Ao’nung may i .. say something?”

“If its stupid no”

“Wow thanks” You muttered looking out to sea. “When..When our time comes to find mates Do you think we could still enjoy moments like this?”

“What?” you could barely make out what he said. A longing whisper in the wind. 

“I Know your nearly done with your. Well you know. I have no doubt once you become an adult in the eyes of your people that. That you will have to find a mate some time soon”  and a stinging pain deep in your core wanted to hiss. To think of it was something else. But you would have to learn to live with it. “I just hope that. That when that happens. That we would still be able to talk. And to have moments like this. Tho they are rare and often times distant”

“ And who says that i will have a mate?”

You could only chuckle at that. “Well it is to happen. You are nearly done with your Training. And im sure your mother would like to get started with the next Tsahik training you know?”

“Do you have any in mind?”

You looked at him. Eye to eye. It felt surreal to see him like this. Like it was only you two in the world. And it made your heart beat to a rhythm you knew all to well. You felt it once before. When a boy you fancied back home looked your way. But this was strange. It was stronger and truer than anything else. 

“I do…but it cannot happen” 

“Why is that? When you complete the last task you can chose of any man you want” 

“But i cannot have him” You admitted. 

And Ao’nung seem to understand. Somewhere in his heart he felt light. And like he could fly so high at the thought of you choosing him. You didn’t have to say it. You didnt need to say it with words for he already knew too. 

“ I would run to you more than anyone else”

“What-”

“I would split the sea if you so much as asked. I would do anything and everything for you. And if you asked me for the farthest star in the universe i would do it too. What ever you so much as wish for at your beck and call i would do it” He spoke holding your hand in his. 

Your heart sped. It continued at a pace you were sure was unhealthy. But hearing those sweet nothing made your head spin

“Without you all that’s joyous becomes like mud. Instead of rejoicing i shed tears. My spirit is never at joy if not around you.For in the world under Eywa. There is no woman born so lovable so dear to my heart, who loves me without feigning, with such a deep love” He continued to look at you. Looking into your soul, you felt light .

You couldn’t believe your ears as your cheeks burned with a want just as he. You wanted him You did but you just couldn’t you knew. 

“What are you saying Ao’nung” you questioned. Entangling your hands together as you could only stare at him. Was he always this handsome? Did he always make your heart race this way?

“You alone are my love and longing. You are the sweet cooling of my mind that makes the days chores bearable. No joy for me anywhere without you here” Ao’nung didn’t know where this was coming from. Something in him just had to get it out. He just knew. 

He knew that he should have waited. Given this more time. To bloom. But you two were so close. He only had one step to go and you two. And he wanted everything to be said now before you ever thought of someone else but him at your side. 

He was crazy. But he already knew that. Ever since you had spend the most time with him and his family. He just knew. He knew he had to say what was so deeply rooted in his heart. 

“Ao’nung… We can’t I am the outsider do you not remember? You are The Future Olo’eyktan. You are the son of a promising Clan. What would your people think if… If we did mate?”

“ I will take no other woman if you do not choose me. For no other one has made me feel like i can take on the world” 

His hand now grabbed your wrist. Placing it on his chest. You could feel his heart. It beat so gently and you swore at the tune of your own. 

You did want this. Wanted to feel this love blossom because you knew that you couldn’t go against what Eywa put in front of you. Perhaps you too had gone mad. “Ao’nung… i”

Feeling his breathe next to your lips. A gentle look as he saw deep into your eyes. “If you choose me. I'd be the happiest i could ever be” 

“Ao’nung…”

“Y/n! There you are! Come hurry Mother’s about to go into labor”  You heard Tsireya yell from across the rocks. 

“Lets go. But whatever you decide please let me know as i will wait until you are ready” Ao’nung confessed. As he guided you back to the Clan. 

But right now you had to think of something else instead of what your heart wanted. And cracked so hard for.

------------------------------

Taglist:

@simp-erformarvelwomen

@luvlykrispy

[dreamsy990]

SPONTANEOUS MINI REVIEW BECAUSE I REALIZED THAT I HAVENT FUCKING TALKED ABOUT FRAGMENTARY PASSAGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ok so. i actually really liked this one!

so uh. if you witnessed that incredibly long thread i made yelling about kh3 you will know that i. am not a fan of the look of modern kh. i think its kind of uninteresting compared to the delightfully cartoony style and just generally i dont like more realistic looks to games that already had a unique visual identity.

so im here to say that i think it works for 0.2! im a good way through kh3 and i dont think it works well there and ill get to that when i eventually review that game but. in 0.2 i think the new style fits the more dark tone very nicely, and the enviornments are absolutely gorgeous. like i came out of ddd thinking absolutely nothing could top symphony of sorcery in terms of world design and was proven wrong. the realm of darkness is my new favorite kh "world". for my mutuals who havent played kh, look at this!!! its absolutely gorgeous

and the environments are actually my favorite thing about this game. besides being beautiful, theyre also delightfully trippy and unsettling. theres a section where you have to climb up a seemingly never ending staircase, and every time you reach what you think is the top you hear aquas worst thoughts. a lot of the areas are twisted, destroyed versions of worlds seen in bbs. its very dark (fitting, for the realm of darkness) and honestly its a treat to just walk around admiring the view. the visual storytelling is as good as kh ever gets.

i briefly mentioned aquas thoughts a minute ago so ill bring them up again, her commentary adds a lot to the desolate atmosphere, and this game really feels like a character study. it shows her desperation, her worst thoughts, her hope despite everything, and its just genuinely good. i havent been able to say that about khs character writing since like. days. its GOOD.

i am. not a fan of bbs' writing. i think its got a good underlying concept with absolutely terrible execution, and it makes me wonder at times if the things i like about it were intentional or not. but this game takes the best written character of bbs and gives her more depth than they ever could before. i can say with confidence that aqua is one of the best characters in the series, and a lot of it is because of this game.

the tone here is very gloomy, but thats not really a complaint because the game is so short. the depressing atmosphere isnt too much to bear because youre barely in it for more than 2 hours. and i think that run time is EXACTLY long enough. it goes for exactly as long as it needs to tell the story and still give a moment to breathe.

as for gameplay. im not the biggest fan of the updated system. i like to think im open to change with kh's combat. i think the command deck has potential and the card system in com was fun and i actually liked days' panel system. but something about the way this new version of the system feels to play is just. unsatisfying. hits dont feel like they have any weight to me, and spells feel inconsequential despite being more grandiose than ever. its just not as good as it was before, and like its a sort of half assed replacement of reaction commands. the way they incorporated style changes into it was okay, but again its not as satisfying as it was in bbs. but maybe it was just satisfying in bbs because the rest of the combat there sucked

tldr, the things i care about in a game (writing and visuals) were fucking spectacular, but the gameplay definitely had room to improve. also if i ever have to fight a darkside again ill throw up and cry! 8/10, though im tempted to raise it to a 9 for the environments alone

[vee6lolz]

part 3: Krasivaya.

summary; There's a war in her mind, and she's fighting herself. Everything is getting to her, she can't handle it anymore. She's slowly dying inside and no one seems to notice... except one person.

cw!!; +18 content, minors dni!, mini smut scene (not between valley and spencer), angst, emotional reader, mother!reader, toxic relationship, emotional cheating. established name (YOU CAN SELF INSERT!), cheating on reader implied, slow burn, implied protective spence, implied overstimulation + stress . </3

we love u valley we scream out in unison

a/n: this is part 3 of the hidden valley series ! you can find the official masterlist here. --

ENGLISH IS NOT MY FIRST LANGUAGE !

- DONT FORGET TO LIKE + REBLOG PLS ! + REQ OPEN

w/c: 6.7k ( ill NEVER give yall short fics i love yall tm)

His lips felt so rushed, it overwhelmed her. His breathing had become more ridged; his muscles tensed. He clawed at her hips as if he was drowning and she was the life line, sweet nothings being whispered through the air.

His mind went blank, only being filled with intense ecstasy.

While her mind was only filled with thoughts of her colleague.

She was being thrusted into by her boyfriend of almost 16 months and all she could think about was a man who she's interacted with once -- cliche. It was like a really bad porno.

Every chance she got to look down at Nick, all she could see was Spencer. His voice, calling out for her in a fit of pornographic moans. His perfectly sculpted jaw. Brown doe eyes staring back at her as he consumed her tits; licking up and down her buds.

She imagined his fingers dripping towards her most sensitive, teasing her body as he hesitantly rubbed. He would make sure that she felt pleasure with even the lightest touch; if she didn't, he wasn't doing it right. Her back would arch, and he would dip his neck to kiss in between her breasts, leaving soft kisses to her intermammary line to sooth her.

Her breathe hitched with his every thrust almost in a rhythm, her walls clenching around his sex.

“I can't--” She would moan out, throwing her head forward, finding peace in the crevice of his neck, digging her nails deep into him to the point of pain.

“You will.”. He would, almost beggingly. He would need her to finish on him, he wouldn't be able to feel complete without it. He would've been in look. The pit started to boil within her lower stomach. Looking down at how full she was, full of him at that would've sent her over the edge. “Agh, Mm...” She'd moan out as the feeling began to rise.

“Yeah, you gonna come?” Was asked. Yet, it wasn't Spencer's voice. It wasn't the soft, begging and welcoming voice she fantasied of. It was Nick's.

Just like that; Pit came crashing down, and not in a good way.

Realizing what she had been doing, she thought quickly. His hands wrapped around her waist and she nodded quickly, “Yes, Nick, fuck.”, She lied. Fake mewls and mumbles flew through her mouth as she forced a clench around him, which sent him over the edge. His face flew in between her breasts and his nose hit her chest, causing a wince of pain. He showed no care. Nick pulled out of her warmth and emptied himself onto her stomach, gasping out for air as she reached to kiss him and he dodged it,

“You know I don't--” “Right,” She acknowledged. He doesn't kiss her after she gives him head. He sat up on the bed and threw her her shirt, groaning as he walked towards the bathroom to go shower. She sat there frustrated, and edged. And usually, she'd be into that type of thing if it were voluntary. Most of all -- she was confused. She denied that it was Spencer, she thought of. She convinced herself that she was getting people mixed up. Maybe she wasn't thinking of anyone at all, because she had Nick.

She couldn't think of anyone at all. She would never hurt Nick like that, and Nick would never ever even think of hurting her like that.

She pushed any guilt she had incredibly far down, essentially gaslighting herself.

It was a weekend off for the team, and the more she thought about it the more frustrating it became.

**buzz buzz**

She stared blankly at the text message, breathing out through her nose as she shut her eyes; she figured if she ignore it -- it would go away. And when her eyes opened again, it was still there. A groan fell from her lips, probably the first real one all night.

Valley struts into the D.C Station after and forty-nine minute drive, being met with the faces of Jennifer, Aaron.

"SSA Aaron, SSA Valley, Vic Barnes." The blonde spoke, she gave a soft nod. He reached his hand for a handshake; she waved instead.

Looking at the bulletin board, Valley's eyes move quickly around the notes and pictures. She notices the hesitation marks on the second victim, "He isn't sure he wants to be killing." She speaks out,

"He's asking police to find him," Hotch adds. "Matches your kid," he speaks behind Valley to which she turns around and is met to face with Dr. Reid. Her eyes meet with his not for long, before his inlock with Hotch's. His eyebags are heavy, his hair is messy, and he looks like he's on his third cup of caffeine. Spencer didn't get any rest, and she can tell. If he could he probably wouldn't let himself blink.

As she looks down at his hands gripping the coffee mug, her thoughts wander back to her early morning rendezvous. The way his hands fit perfectly around her neck, the prettiest necklace she ever wore. She snapped out of it when she heard him speak, her mind racing with confusion and frustration once again. She didn't get her rocks off, and right now really wasn't the time to think about it. Not while they're discussing a trail of prostitutes getting left on the streets.

"I let him go, I'm sorry." He said, genuine disappointment evident in his voice. It was obvious he was beating himself up about it, and if he could without being written off as crazy -- he'd do it in a literal sense.

"We'll catch him," Hotch added.

Around two or three hours later, Gideon and Spencer sought out the unsub for his arrest.

Valley sat at the department, zoned out while sipping on bad coffee, and it felt way more overwhelmed then usual. She felt like he had been making no progress with the team, she had done nothing to help, the officers are desperate to spark up conversation with the team.

Everything is going profoundly wrong. Not to mention, she was about to experience the best orgasm of her life before the sound of her boyfriends voice ruined it.

And in the midst of all of this, Valley had been experiencing incredibly bad flashbacks.

It's the same thing, over, and over again. She's stuck in the same position as blood drips from the rounded oak table to her feet.

The assailants were faceless, like wraiths in the night, their identities shrouded in mystery. They moved with an eerie grace, their bodies gliding across the room as they ransacked the house.

One of them turned towards her hiding spot, his eyes glowing like twin embers in the darkness. You could almost make his eyes out his appearance effortlessly; if it wasn't for the mask he wore.

He was a brunette with long greasy thin hair, his eyes where a soulless dirty blue which were surrounded by a black eyeshadow. A shudder of terror coursed through her as he moved towards her, his steps echoing ominously in the silence.

She exhaled through her nose, thinking of ways to focus. But she couldn't. She didn't know why, her mind was telling her to do one thing while her body was doing three others.

'Should I put the cup down? No, pick the marker up. Don't forget to highlight important details within the case--'. The voices inside her head were so continuous, vexing, and loud.

"Uh, okay okay..." She said under her breathe while squeezing her eyes shut, repeating everything she had to do out loud while scrambling all over the place. It didn't help when Morgan walked through the door, another presence she had to deal with.

Her iris met with his and all she could do was roll them, not purposefully but it was defintely noticeable. And it defintely concerned Morgan to the highest extent. "Baby," He spoke. She ignored him, and continued to scramble around.

Smile.

She smiled.

The inner monologue got even louder, don't forget... no wait... you need to--- she was trying so hard to breathe in and out. She was trying so hard to calm down. But she couldn't, so how she reacted wasn't ideal. She didn't want to be touched, she didn't mean to she just didn't want to be touched. But she thought Morgan put a hand on her shoulder, and,

"Can you fucking move?" She blurted between her grated teeth, nostrils flared and her hands in the air. Her face dropped quickly after she realized what she just said. Her expressions softened, and Derek looked at her. Not normally, not concerned. He didn't look at her like he knew something was wrong with her, or like he knew she needed space. He felt bad for her. He pitied her.

And that only set her off more. "Don't give me that look, please. Not you Derek out of all people do not give me that look." She pleaded with him, her head rocking back and forth. "Look, I'm sorry there's just-- I need you to back away from me. For a moment, please. I need you, to back away. Anything you need to said can be said without touching me.". And that's when he looked at her with even more pity,

"Val."

"No, Morgan. I'm serious. I'm not made of braille you can understand me without having to touch me,"

"Val--" She cut him off, clearly agitated. "Anything you need you can say from--" "Valley,"

"What?" She asked aggressively, turning her head once again. No one was there.

"I'm standing over here.". She looked across the room Morgan never made it in. He had been at the entry way this whole time, alongside Gideon.

Alongside Spencer. She never felt more a fool in her life, her eyes shot back and forth between Gideon and Derek. They didn't betray her, they didn't think of locking with Spencer. She was so, humiliated, so how could they? She looked down once again, shaking her head out of pure embarrassment.

"I could've sworn you were right here. I thought,". At lost for words, she refused to make any further eye contact. "I apologize." she blurted out.  

"Brown," Gideon called. "Sir?" - "Morgan will take over on the profile building,". Her head shot up, and before any refusal could be made, she was interrupted. "I want you to take a walk.". Her nostrils flared once again, "I don't need a walk, Gideon."

Hearing his name being said in such a manner, he glared at her. "Yes, you do.". Valley nodded softly, not wanting to make a bigger deal of things than she already has. She walked towards the shining glass doors, her presence causing both Morgan and Reid to make way. Incoherent mumbles escaping through her lips. She had no clue where she was going to go, but she wanted to go somewhere were she couldn't be bothered. That was going to be insanely hard to do, seeing as even the slightest breeze of wing could very much bother her at this point. She wasn't going to let that stop her though.

It took her fifteen minutes to find a park, where no one was. She could be alone with her thoughts, ones that were free of any task that sent them into overdrive. She didn't know what kept her mind captative, she couldn't pinpoint what her problem was, she couldn't even pin point what her main problem was. Her mind was constantly on go, and she felt like an idiot because she couldn't keep up with it. It was frustrating and it made her feel stupid. And she never feels stupid. She stared into the water fountain, watching as the Koi fish swam in sync with one another. So free, so beautiful.

One reflection became two, and she was greeted with a familiar face. Her eyes felt like they could pop out of her head, and her cheeks stung so badly once she noticed his presence.

 “You know, PTSD can cause intense emotional outbursts, like anger or irritability, due to an overactive stress response system. This reaction happens when the brain's amygdala becomes overactive, especially when triggered by reminders of past trauma.” Spencer spoke, trying his hardest to do whatever it takes to make sure she felt more sane, she was craving silence, believing it would bring her the solace she needed. Yet, despite her desire for quiet, his voice proved to be a greater comfort than any peace could offer. His words reached her in a way that silence never could, filling the void with a warmth and reassurance that transcended mere tranquility. 

 “Statistics show that about 7-8% of people will experience PTSD, and a significant portion, around 51% of veterans, report significant anger issues. These outbursts can strain relationships and affect overall well-being.”, she laughed, unable to hold back the sound. All she could manage was a laugh as she asked, “So, you’re saying you think my friendship with Derek is doomed?”. Spencer shook his head and smiled. “I think that if you try to hide how you feel from someone you care about, it already is, Krasivaya.”. Her ears peaked up, his eyes averted her gaze. "Valley. It means Valley in Russian.".  Valley stared up at him, the sun casting a warm shadow over the two. She stared at him with longing; he stared at her with compassion. “You were not spiraling. You were overstimulated,” he reassures her. “I uh- I know how it feels.”. He added, fixing the glasses that sat perfectly on his face. Perfectly on the bridge of his nose. His hazel eyes glistened, his hands in his jacket pockets and his scarf almost hiding his defined jaw, leaving everything to the imagination. And that only lead her back to this morning. The morning where she felt herself most calmed. The morning where she felt herself unravel, she felt herself release all build up she had. And the worst part is, she feels so terrible about it.

“Do you ever feel like, your trapped in your mind? Like your thoughts are clawing at you from the inside and you're scared that one day, you're gonna be to tired to fight them. And you're going to give in?”

“Am I scared of my own mind?”. She nods in response to his question, her feet moving away from the fountain as she makes her way towards the gateway of the park. 

“How could I not be,” He simply replies. They walked in silence for a while, just allowing each others presence to speak more than words ever possibly could. She begun to profile spencer quite a bit, looking up at him for a moment and letting that mental image do the work.

“Krasivaya,” she whispers softly. Spencer refuses to look down at her, just hummed in response. “What does it really mean,”, now he looked down at her. He thought for a little and just shrugged his shoulders. “I dunno,”

“You can't lie to a profiler,” she joked while giggling. “I mean it took you approximately 5 minutes to figure out I did, so I'm pretty sure I can,”. Valley shook her head, nudging him softly.

The park is enveloped in a serene stillness. Streetlights cast pools of warm, golden light on the deserted paths, their glow creating long shadows on the dewy grass. The trees, heavy with leaves rustling in the light breeze, stand as silent sentinels in the dimness.

The two walk along a winding path, their footsteps muffled by the soft earth beneath them. The air is crisp, tinged with the faint scent of pine and damp soil. The occasional chirp of a distant cricket is the only sound that punctuates the quiet.

The park’s fountain, dormant for the season, is surrounded by a ring of frost-covered benches, their once-vibrant colors muted. A nearby playground, with its swings swaying gently, adds a ghostly touch to the scene, the metal structures gleaming faintly.

As Valley walked beside Spencer, the vibrant hues of autumn leaves danced in the gentle breeze around them. She focused on the rhythmic crinkle beneath her boots, each step a small distraction from the whirlwind of thoughts swirling in her mind. The air was crisp, smelling faintly of earth and decay, but it felt alive, contrasting sharply with the heaviness she felt inside.

She cast her gaze away, attempting to push aside the memory of her outburst, the way her voice had shaken with raw emotions she thought she had under control. Instead, she silently watched the squirrels scurry about, busying themselves with acorns and nuts, seemingly oblivious to the world’s chaos. A small, bittersweet smile tugged at the corners of her mouth; even the wildlife was thriving, while she felt as if she was struggling just to keep her head above water.

Spencer walked beside her, his presence a steady, calming force amidst her inner turbulence. There was something reassuring about his quiet demeanor, his gentle intelligence that always seemed to shine through in moments of uncertainty. Yet, Valley’s mind flickered constantly, wrangling with self-doubt and guilt. How could she have lost control like that? She had promised herself she wouldn’t let her emotions overwhelm her again, not after everything.

The park was alive, but she felt strangely detached, as if she were watching it all unfold through a glass window. Laughter from nearby children echoed in the backdrop, but it felt distant—like a sound meant for someone else, not for her. Valley glanced sideways at Spencer, who was quietly observing her, his brow slightly furrowed in concern. Even in her turmoil, his eyes were warm and inviting, an anchor she didn’t know she desperately needed.

A few minutes passed in amiable silence, the peaceful sounds of the park mingling with their footsteps. Valley felt a twinge of warmth at the thought of Spencer simply being here. It was absurd how much his presence meant; he had a way of making her feel seen without pressuring her to share what she wasn’t ready to reveal.

After an eternity wrapped in minutes, she finally spoke, her voice barely above a whisper. “I’m sorry for earlier…” The words escaped her and hung in the air between them like a delicate thread.

Spencer shrugged lightly, the corners of his mouth curving into a soft smile—one that spoke volumes, reassuring her without the need for excessive words. “It’s okay to have feelings, Valley. You don’t have to apologize for being human.”

His words wrapped around her heart, easing the grip of anxiety that had tightened within. As they continued walking, a warmth blossomed in her chest, melting away the initial chill of shame. Maybe it was okay to let her guard down occasionally, to accept that everyone wrestles with their emotions.

Spencer glanced over at her and suggested, “How about we grab some coffee?” His eyes sparkled with a gentleness that felt like an invitation to take a break from her thoughts. “I can really go for some caffeine right now. What do you say?”

Valley nodded slowly, the idea of a warm cup in her hands appealing like a cozy blanket against the chill of her lingering worries. “Yeah… I’d like that.”

As they walked towards the nearby café, her heart felt a little lighter. Each passing moment was no longer overshadowed by her earlier despair. Instead, it was filled with the promise of a cozy corner, the rich aroma of coffee, and the comfort of shared silence alongside Spencer.

The aroma of freshly brewed coffee enveloped them as they entered the café, the warmth of the space wrapping around Valley like a comforting embrace. She took a moment to soak in the vibrant chatter and soft music filling the room while Spencer sauntered to the counter, casually scanning the menu with a focused look. It was both comforting and chaotic—a stark contrast to her tangled thoughts, which felt more like a storm raging within.

She chose a cozy corner table, watching as Spencer interacted with the barista, his genuine smile easily disarming. There was an odd comfort in seeing him in this setting, the slight frizz of his hair from the morning breeze framing his face perfectly. It was a breath of fresh air, a welcome distraction, but as soon as she allowed herself to relax, the weight of her earlier outburst crept back in, wrapping around her shoulders like a heavy cloak.

When Spencer returned, two steaming cups in hand, he slid one across the table. “I hope you like vanilla lattes,” he said, his eyes intent on hers, as if he were searching for something deeper in her gaze.

“Yeah, they’re great,” she replied, her voice steadier than she felt. She wrapped her fingers around the warmth of the cup, although the heat couldn’t quite shake the chill burdening her heart. “Thanks for getting this.”

Silence fell comfortably between them for a moment as both took sips, but Valley could feel the words swirling inside her, fighting to escape. How to explain the mess of emotions she was grappling with? The looming shadows of guilt and confusion felt too heavy to put into words. She looked down, playing with the rim of her cup, hesitating as the tension within her began to swell again.

The café bustled around them, but it felt like they were in their own little world. She gathered her resolve and steered the conversation back into a more palatable territory. “It’s… been a rough few days,” Valley confessed, gaze flickering up to meet Spencer's. “Probably more than I realized.”

Spencer nodded, his expression softening in understanding. “You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to,” he said, sipping thoughtfully. But his sincerity nudged her, inviting her to share more.

“I just… I don’t know,” she continued, the words spilling out before she had the chance to stop herself. “Everything feels so overwhelming all the time. Like I’m this awful monster for feeling everything that I do.” Her voice was pained, thick with restraint. She felt like she was ripping open old wounds, exposing her vulnerability, but somehow she needed to say it. “I’m not supposed to feel this way.”

She met his gaze again, hoping to gauge his response. The kindness on his face was palpable, and it spurred her to dig deeper. “I shouldn’t be feeling…” She faltered, grasping for the right words, knowing she couldn’t bare her entire story—not yet, anyway.

Spencer leaned back in his chair, observing her with an intensity that lent the moment heavy significance. “Yes, you are,” he replied, his tone thoughtful yet firm. “You’re feeling that way because you’re human, Valley. You just don’t want to let yourself experience it.”

The earnestness in his voice struck her, and she couldn’t help but feel a flicker of uncertainty. Was he right? She felt so isolated in her struggle; had she been avoiding the very emotions that needed to surface?

“It’s tough, especially when you’ve been on your own for so long,” he continued, setting his cup down and resting his hands on the table. “When you finally start to feel things, it can be… disorienting. You want to shut it all down because you’re not used to having anyone around to help you carry that load.”

Valley felt her chest tighten. What did he know of her struggles? But as she listened, there was a sincerity in his words that struck a different chord. Spencer continued, his voice gentle yet steady. “You have people around you who care. Hotch, Derek, Penelope…” He paused, his gaze softening. “And me.”

The way he said it sent a shiver down her spine—both surprising and warming at the same time. It felt so odd to hear someone like him, a guy she barely knew, quietly affirm her place within their team. Yet, the reality of those connections started to settle within her like a cup of warm cocoa—comforting yet rich, with the potential to carry the burden of her emotions.

“Anyone would be lucky to have you along, Valley,” he added softly, his eyes earnest. “It’s okay to let it in—whatever it is you’re feeling.”

In that moment, amidst the bustle of the café, Valley felt a flicker of hope forming—a fragile yet resilient flame in the face of her emotional storm. Maybe the world wouldn’t fall apart if she let herself feel, if she allowed the warmth of connections to seep through her guarded armor. She offered him a small, hesitant smile, recognition blooming within.

The ambiance of the café buzzed with laughter and the comforting sound of clinking dishes. Valley and Spencer shared a cozy corner table, their conversation flowing effortlessly as they recounted humorous stories from previous cases and slight mishaps on the team. She felt lighter, their laughter weaving a temporary escape from her tangled thoughts.

After sipping her vanilla latte, Valley leaned back in her chair, a grin spreading across her face. “Okay, but can we seriously talk about the time Derek tried to impress JJ by cooking?” she chuckled, barely able to contain her laughter.

“It was a terrible idea,” Spencer replied, shaking his head, his voice a mix of amusement and disbelief. “I think he almost started a small fire in the kitchen.”

“Exactly! And it took weeks for him to live that down,” Valley said, wiping a tear of laughter from her eye. The joy between them felt palpable, a warm moment that contrasted starkly with the confusion that had plagued her mind for days.

But soon, the laughter dwindled, and Valley felt a sudden wave of necessity. “I’ll be right back,” she said, rising from her seat. “Just need to use the bathroom.” As she excused herself and made her way to the back of the café, she absentmindedly left her phone on the table.

Spencer, still caught up in the lightness of their moment, momentarily lost track of time. He glanced around the bustling café, appreciating the ambiance. But soon, his gaze fell on Valley’s phone. The screen lit up with a notification, its buzz cutting through the festive noise.

Curiosity piqued, he hesitated for just a moment before reaching over to glance at her phone. The text message illuminated the screen, revealing a message from her boyfriend.

He read aloud in a low voice, a puzzled expression crossing his features. That phrase hung in the air, gnawing at him with an unsettling feeling. he muttered under his breath, irritation bubbling beneath the surface. The tone felt dismissive, almost rehearsed, like the words of someone trying to calm a storm they weren't willing to acknowledge.

Valley's absence seemed extended just then, and as the message sunk in, Spencer knew something wasn't right. As she approached, he quickly put her phone in the exact position it was in.

He returned to the light-hearted banter they had been sharing, trying to keep the atmosphere relaxed. As she slid back into her seat, a wave of warmth washed over him, grateful for the moments of laughter they had shared.

Valley glanced at her phone, her brow furrowing slightly as she noticed the notification still glowing on the screen. She quickly unlocked it, her heart dropping as she read her boyfriend’s message again. The words echoed in her mind, a reminder of the tension gnawing at the edges of her contentment.

Spencer, sensing the change in her demeanor, leaned in just a bit closer. “Hey, is something wrong?” he asked, his voice soft but laced with genuine concern.

Her gaze flicked up from the screen, and just for a moment, vulnerability flickered in her eyes. “No, it’s fine,” she replied, her smile strained. It was a lie, but one she hoped would suffice for the moment.

The words might’ve come out easily enough, a practiced response she had become accustomed to giving. After all, she didn’t want to burden him with the complications of her life, especially when they had just managed to find this brief oasis of joy amidst their busy lives.

But underneath that response, the truth lingered— got caught up at work?

He works from home.

Spencer studied her closely, noting the way her eyes darted back to her phone as if it wielded some kind of gravitational pull, making it difficult to shake off the worry tightening around her chest.

“Okay, but if anything’s bothering you…” he started, wanting her to know he was there for her, regardless of whether she elected to share her feelings or not.

“Really, I’m fine!” she insisted, her tone almost too bright. A tiny part of her wished it was true, wished she could brush off the unease that lurked just beneath the surface.

The moment hung between them, a fragile facade of normalcy masking the swirling storm of confusion and doubt that had settled into her heart. Spencer nodded, not entirely convinced, but willing to let it go, sensing that she’d reveal more when she was ready.

Moments later, Valley glanced at her watch. “Ugh, look at the time! I can’t believe how long we’ve been here,” she said, her heart lightening as she gathered her things. “Should we head out?”

“Sure, let me grab the check,” Spencer said, rising from his chair.

Once outside, the evening sun painted the sky in hues of orange and pink, casting a warm glow across the bustling street. Valley shivered slightly as a cool breeze brushed past, the air hinting at the rain that was forecasted to arrive later.

“Do you want me to drive you home?” Spencer asked, gesturing toward his car parked nearby. “I wouldn’t want you out in the rain.”

She hesitated for a moment. It felt nice, being with him, yet there was a wariness that tugged at her. “Sure, that would be great,” she replied, glancing at the darkening sky.

As they settled into the car, she felt a strange comfort in their shared quiet. The engine hummed to life as Spencer pulled away from the curb, navigating the winding streets back towards Virginia. The flow of traffic seemed heavier than usual, but the atmosphere inside the vehicle was relaxed. They exchanged playful remarks and laughed over silly observations about other drivers, the ride becoming a safe foothold for their bubbling connection.

“Did you see that guy?” Spencer laughed, pointing to a driver who seemed to be oblivious to the traffic light change. “He’s been sitting there, just staring off into space!”

“Oh my god,” Valley chuckled. “I love how every once in a while, someone forgets what they’re doing in the middle of traffic.”

“It seriously makes me wanna do things that could cost me my badge and my track record,” Spencer joked, kind of.

The drive stretched forty-nine long minutes, giving them time to share even more laughter, weaving confused anecdotes and moments from their lives. Valley talked about her love for concocting bizarre recipes, recounting an unfortunate incident where she added way too much salt to her mother’s famous macaroni and cheese.

“Your family must’ve loved that,” Spencer teased, turning to her with a grin.

“Oh, they were not pleased,” she said, feigning an offended tone. “I practically made everyone drink, like, three gallons of water afterward!”

Spencer laughed heartily, and a surge of warmth washed over her. A part of her wished the drive would never end, that they’d just keep talking in this easy, flowing manner. As they crossed the Potomac River into Virginia, the distant rumble of thunder echoed through the air, and the first few raindrops began to patter softly against the windshield.

Valley’s heart sank a little as the cityscape turned into the suburban familiarity of her neighborhood. The conversation had been so refreshing, and she dreaded the impending silence that would come with parting ways. It struck her that she was hesitant about the moment they would reach her driveway—the reality of the rain and the fact that they were both about to step back into their individual lives.

Spencer pulled up to her house, the comforting glow of the lights illuminating her porch. Raindrops began to fall more steadily, sending rhythmic whispers against the rooftop. As she sat in the passenger seat, she debated inviting him in. The stormy weather was a perfect excuse; it could lead to shared warmth and strolls through further conversations.

But deep down, she knew inviting him inside could complicate things further, layering the confusion that had already begun to unfurl. She didn’t want to cross a line she wasn’t ready for, nor did she want to engage in a conversation that seemed inevitable. Instead, she felt the tugging lingering doubt in her mind.

“Thanks for the ride,” she said, trying to keep her voice steady.

“Of course,” he replied, glancing at her with those kind, patient eyes that had been listening so earnestly. “It was really good to see you today. I had fun.”

“Me too,” she said, letting a brief smile curl her lips. In that moment, their gazes locked, and she could feel an unspoken connection crackle between them, a delicate tension layered with possibility.

“Okay, well…” she hesitated, the instinct to invite him in nearly slipping out. But instead, she swallowed her feelings down, deciding on caution instead of impulse. “Get home safe, alright?”

Spencer’s brow raised slightly, a flicker of surprise crossing his face. “You too, Valley.”

“Definitely,” she said, and in that moment, part of her didn’t want to look away. But she broke the tension, unbuckling her seatbelt and grabbing her bag. The rain began to pour, cascading down in thick sheets, but she felt compelled to keep her composure as she opened the door.

“See you soon!” she managed to call over the sound of the rain before stepping out into the downpour.

“See you!” Spencer replied, his voice steady as she closed the door. He watched her squeeze her bag to her chest, her hurried footsteps splashing through puddles as she darted toward the porch.

Valley turned back briefly, giving him a fleeting smile that felt heavy with meaning, but then she pushed forward into her home, shutting the door with a soft click. Inside her house, Valley felt the familiar warmth embrace her as she closed the door against the storm outside. The murmurs of rain against the roof became a comforting backdrop, displacing the weight of the day with a snug sense of home. She stepped into the cozy living room, where her sister, Jess, sat on the couch, flipping through a magazine. Kahalani, her daughter, had already fallen asleep, curled up in a blanket, the soft rise and fall of her little chest bringing a smile to Valley’s face.

As the gentle light from the lamp nearby cast a golden hue over the room, Valley felt grateful that Jess had stepped in to help. “Thanks for keeping an eye on her,” she said softly, glancing at her sleeping daughter.

“Of course,” Jess replied, offering a warm smile. “I’ll always be here when you need a break. Plus, it was nice to have some quiet time with her.”

Valley joined her sister on the couch, and they shared a moment of quiet camaraderie. Valley sipped the lukewarm cup of coffee left over from earlier, staring thoughtfully at the wall where photos of Kahalani’s milestones hung. Each image captured a moment in time—the first steps, her first day of school, silly faces between smiles. Each picture was a reminder of the fleeting nature of life and how quickly these moments could pass.

"I should really get my act together," Valley murmured after a beat, her gaze focused on the images.

“Hey, don’t be too hard on yourself,” Jess said, sensing her sister’s underlying tension. “You’re doing an amazing job balancing everything. Work, Kahalani, life… Dick,” “Nick?”

“We both know he's only Dick,” Valley stared at her. Hard, mostly because she knew she was right -- so she let it slide.

“Maybe I’m just feeling a little lost lately,” Valley confessed. “It seems like everything keeps changing, and I’m just trying to keep up.”

“You’re allowed to feel overwhelmed mama,” Jess reassured her. “Just take it one day at a time. It’s okay to need help sometimes.”

As the rain drummed softly on the roof, Jess and Valley cleaned up the remnants of Kahalani’s earlier craft session. They stacked colored paper and crayons, each item a testament to the creativity and chaos of childhood. After a while, Jess glanced at her watch. “I’ve got to run,” she said, gathering her things. “But I’ll check in later this week, okay? If you need me tomorrow you just call me.”

“Sounds perfect,” Valley replied, grateful for Jess’s support. She watched as her sister waved goodbye and slipped out into the rain, leaving Valley alone in the hushed home.

Once the door closed behind Jess, the stillness enveloped her. Kahalani was peacefully asleep, her small body cocooned in the blanket on the couch. Valley tiptoed over, brushing a stray hair from Kahalani’s face, and felt a familiar rush of love wash over her. She couldn’t help but smile; moments like these were what made everything worthwhile.

Deciding she needed to wash away the remnants of the day, she moved to her bathroom, the cool tiles underfoot a stark contrast to the warmth of her earlier laughter with Jess. She turned on the shower, and the sound of running water blended with the rain outside, creating a soothing melody that eased her mind.

The warmth enveloped her as she stepped under the cascading water, the droplets feeling like tiny kisses against her skin. The sensation was intoxicating, a silky embrace washing over her shoulders and trickling down her back. Valley closed her eyes, letting the water envelop her in a cloud of warmth. It washed away the heaviness of the day, releasing the stress that had built up like a barricade around her heart.

She took a moment to breathe deeply, inhaling the scent of the lavender body wash that filled the air before pouring a generous amount into her palm. As she lathered it across her skin, the rich foam glided over her arms and legs, each stroke a soothing caress that melted away her unease. The heat of the water against her skin was an intoxicating balm, washing away the day’s tensions and fears. She felt herself slip deeper into a state of relaxation, the world outside fading away.

Closing her eyes, she tilted her head back, allowing the water to cascade over her hair and down her back. The warmth seeped into her muscles, loosening the knots that had formed throughout the day. She felt a sense of peace wrap around her, cocooning her in tranquility as the water ran down her body, pooling around her feet.

After several blissful minutes, she turned off the faucet, shaking her hair slightly before reaching for a fluffy towel. The soft fabric felt divine against her skin as she dried off, the warmth lingering even when the water was gone.

Stepping into her room, Valley switched on the bedside lamp, the soft glow illuminating the space around her. She took a moment to appreciate the quiet, stillness wrapping around her like a comforting embrace. The rain continued its gentle rhythm outside, creating a sense of serenity that contrasted with her thoughts swirling through her mind.

She crawled into bed, adjusting the pillows and sinking into the comfort of the sheets. The familiar feeling enveloped her as she rolled onto her back, staring at the ceiling and letting her thoughts drift. She replayed the evening’s moments, from Jess’s laughter to Kahalani’s sleepy smile. As she lay there, however, her thoughts turned toward Spencer.

Just as she settled into the tranquility of the night, she felt something unusual against the surface of the pillow on Nick's side—the pillow he usually occupied when he stayed over. Curiosity hitting her like a flash, she turned toward it, reaching out instinctively.

As her fingers grazed the fabric, she froze. A cold rush flooded her as she pulled the item free.

It was a bra—definitely not hers.

[pumpkinsy0]

Can I have tally hcs ??cuz like ur one of the only ppl who thinks abt them the way I do

im actually shocked bc i swear i barely rlly talk about them???BUT ILL TRY TO NOT DISAPPOINT☝🏽☝🏽

•ion think they rlly kiss that much, like im so serious kissing is just not their thing, they probably only rlly do it when their hooking up 😭

• that lyric ”a shame that i can read ur mind” from duvet by bôa is so them i swear it is, but i specifically think tim is more aware of how alike they are, like dallas knows they are alike but tim just understands it

•they do NOT go on dates, like ever, i dont think theyve ever actually went on a date w each other, neither of them see the point, a smoke session in the designated smoking area and a drink at the bar runs these to pathetic rats fuel

•buck was the first person to find out about them ill forever hold onto this idea, they were drinking a lil too much and he thought they were just gonna fight some ppl somewhere else n leave but he saw they went upstairs and was trynna rationalize it

•ill tell u what when either one of them came downstairs putting on their shirt, buck needed a drink his damn self hes so tired of this fuck ass bar

•ik when he started going out w dally, tim stopped laughing w angela about curly going out w pony cause now he had NO place to talk about relationships and thats like one of the first things angela started noticing was a bit off w tim and that was a clue into her finding out about tim and dally LMAOOOO

•i think all the shepards love lives r a bit weird n crazy so they dont rlly meddle in each others affairs, but HOLY shit i think them talking about tims is actually so real cause???what ARE??? u thinking sir????

•i think dally and tim both generally have the same build but tims a bit beefier and dalls a bit taller so their clothes fit a LITTLE weirdly but u wont rlly be able to tell

•UNLESS that is if ur ponyboy curtis cause once pony was just STARING at tim bc he knew somethin was off, and then it clicked that tim was wearing something of dallys and tim just felt so exposed and didnt look at pony at all and tried acting like he aint notice/didnt care

•but let it be known that pony told curly and it just went “is tim wearing dallys ___” “”yea😕””😕”

•BUT BACK ON TRACK, i think they see the marks they leave on each other in fights most likely in bed and they just do NOT apologize at all, just stare and the other just rolls their eyes maybe one of em makes a slick comment

thats all i can think of rn but i swear maybe i can think of more some other time if u want em

[fotibrit]

Got a thought question for you.

In IM2 deleted scene there was Pepper offering Tony midol (or some other brand don't remember) and Tony throwing a fit in his refusal. But would Tony later in his life make the same rejection?

!!!! i was actually just chatting with my friend abt this scene a few days ago! Forgive my rambling, but I will be talking abt the scene in general before answering the question.

I love this scene. I wish it had been left in the movie. I think its a significantly better introduction to the movie than the existing replacement scene. Heres a few reasons why:

At the end of IM1, tony is still trying to navigate being seen as anything other than an extension of his fathers legacy. He's still in the midst of trying to get his company to agree that they don't need to sell weapons in order to be successful. At the end of IM1, he's still an asshole. Yes, he isn't irredeemable, but he makes some dick moves throughout IM1. so, i think the jump from IM1 to IM2 should remind people that he is still the same entitled guy from the start of IM1. IM2 kinda starts with the writers letting the audience think of Tony as "a guy who has always been iron man" (especially given the central man vs self conflict has to do with Tony's using the Iron Man suit). But, starting with Tony puking and then yelling at Pepper for offering him a "womans" medicine kinda helps remind the audience who theyre dealing with. That he's still the guy from the start of IM1.

Him throwing up. Its great, for set up. its been a few days since i watched the movie so forgive me if Im wrong, but at this point a first-time viewer isn't aware that tony is dying. Personally, I assumed he was hungover. Its fantastic, because again, it shows that hes kinda a mess. He has to be a mess, for the movie to make sense. He's mixed up in his plan for the future, his health, his history, his parents history... he has to be conflicted for the "man vs self" conflict and the "man vs ma" conflict to co-exist in a meaningful way. So, by having Tony be sick and implying that his sickness is tonys own fault gets watchers to 1. remember hes still a mess. 2. judge Tony for his decission. Which is powerful, because later, we find out that hes sick and his throwing up may have been related to that. if the deleted scene had been used, the viewer would be able to see Peppers perspective, and then they could refrence that perspective (the one in which they dont know that tony is ill) later as tony deteriorates.

Again, a few days since I watched. so might be wrong. But i believe that in the deleted scene, he gets hit by one of the fireworks. Yeah! Good! because he isnt a master at operating the suit yet! He should be still getting the hang of it, he should be making stupid mistakes and shouldn't be completely perfect at manuvering in it yet.

So. To answer the question. I think he wouldn't react the same later in life, though it in part depends on how much late in life it would be.

The Tony living in the lake house with Pepper and Morgan would not react so strongly, though he may react negatively (but mildly). I think he wouldnt react so explosively because he would trust Pepper to be taking him and his pain seriously, and might have unpacked some of the misoginy that led him to hate taking a "womans" pill and think that the suggestion implies Pepper isnt taking the pain seriously. I think he might still react negatively because I dont think Tony ever completely became comfortable with help or with admitting to his pain.

I dont think he would yell. I do think he wouldn't take the offer.

[brokenchainsforgedbonds]

[lost characters as crane wives characters. lets go]

[jack shepherd - know how]

[fundamentally a song about anxiety and not being able to move on, feeling trapped and resistant to let things change even when it should be for the better. jack can't move on, it's a fundamental driver of the story, he always feels like he can't be done with anything.]

[kate austen - easier]

[ive talked about this before but. its literally her. girl who feels like she cant ever find peace staying in one place. girl who just wants to settle down but can never find a way to cure that aching in her chest to move.]

[john locke - new discovery]

[john felt like he was stuck, a sad old man with nothing to live for, just going through the motions without purpose. so, he searches for something to give him meaning, but even when he finds it in the island, he feels like he has to keep pushing and keep forcing on to preserve that sense of purpose, because he has to be moving towards something, or else it was all for nothing.]

[james "sawyer" ford - ancient history]

[okay i really love this one. ancient history's so james core its about a traumatic past that you can't help but let color your existence. like james, the singer feels defined by what's happened to them because of how much it still hurts them. he tries to move on, but he's trapped in cycles.]

[sayid jarrah - the wolf]

[well someone sure thinks they're a monster. the singer of the wolf sees themself as something dangerous and violent, something that will inevitably hurt the people they care about. both the singer & sayid feel like they're trapped in cycles that just hurt themself and others.]

[hugo "hurley" reyes - volta]

[very much a song about mental health. specifically it's about improving, finally deciding to do something about what you've been through. fundamentally volta's a song about hope & making a change for yourself in a way that's super reminiscent of hurley.]

[sun-hwa & jin-soo kwon - curses]

[okay yes i know all the rest of the characters got their own separate songs and all but 1. sun & jin's arcs are so heavily defined by each other in a way unique to them, and 2. curses is so incredibly them i dont want to pass it up. the two struggle to find the words for each other, to be open about what weighs on them and their secrets, to the point it nearly destroys their relationship. but, in the end, the two still stay together, they still try to improve their relationship.]

[charlie pace - the garden]

[the garden is in large part a song about catholic guilt. need i say more? it doesn't matter because i will. charlie feels incredibly guilty over his past and his actions, but struggles to respond to that guilt, instead stewing in self-hate and fear.]

[claire littleton - here i am]

[claire forever feels abandoned. in her flashbacks and by people on the island, she is always left behind by the people she cares about, until she feels like her loneliness is forcd to define her in season 6.]

[desmond hume - little soldiers]

[little soldiers is extremely despen coded. desmond insists that he cares about penny, but fears that after everything, he's hurt her too bad. and yet, him and penny still try, they still put in the work to improve and stay together.]

[aight thats all i can fit for now ill add a part two in a bit]

[jackmanbj]

love song

an: this is a singer!reader ua.💌

summary: you and jack make a song together

you and jack had just got into the studio, you both decided to let it just be you to. you didnt want anyone to bother you while you worked. you just wanted to be alone in your thoughts.

“mams you can take the desk while i take the couch?”

“no come sit next to me.”

“i thought you wanted peace?”

“you dont count, come on babe.”

jack pulled up a chair next to you and kissed your cheek before picking up his pen.

“who’s starting?”

“you babe.”

“alright, what are you thinking the songs going to be about?”

“jack..babe…the song name is literally love song.. you know i worry for you.”

“oh shut the hell up, what flow do you want me to do?”

“calm for now we’ll see later on though, you start off and ill follow your flow. like you start the base and beginning and ill go then you’ll go, get it?”

“yes babe.”

I don't want to give you the wrong impression.

I need love and affection.

And I hope I’m not sounding too desperate.

I need love and affection.

Love, love, love, love and affection.

Love, love, L-O-V-E-E-E and affection.

“i think this is good for the first part ma, you like it?”

“yes this is cute, i’ll start writing mine.”

Oh, baby.

I’m not asking for the world, maybe.

You can give me what I want, baby.

Come hold me tight and when I’m drowning save me.

Give it to me on the daily if I’m your girl.

Say my name, boy.

Let me know I’m in control.

We both grown so how it feel we can let it show.

you started writing a verse that went

I wanna hold you down.

but you decided to change it to.

Wont play around.

I wanna lay you down.

I need you now, I need you now, oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh.

jack being nosy and not knowing you were finished with your part anyway came over to read it.

he took a second to read it and looked at you as if it was his first time being able to read ever.

“this is so good mama!!”

“thank you baby, for your next part just like repeat this.”

you pointed to his first verse.

“got you ma.”

I don't want to give you the wrong impression.

I need love and affection.

And I hope I’m not sounding too desperate.

I need love and affection.

Love, love, love, love and affection.

Love, love, L-O-V-E-E-E and affection.

you took the notebook not bothering to read his part and went to write your new part.

Boy, lately.

You’ve been stingy with your time.

Got me wondering, i’m wondering if I’m your mind.

Boy I just want to be in your possession.

Say i’m the one you want so come express it.

Don’t slip, don’t slip.

‘Cause a n**** might push up on it.

Don’t really wanna lose this moment.

Why window shop when you own this?

Don’t put it down.

Don’t fuck around.

I want you now, I want you now, oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh, whoa.

you passed jack back the notebook and told him to do his own thing as long as it fit the vibe of the song.

I don't want to give you the wrong impression.

I need love and affection.

And I hope I’m not sounding too desperate.

I need love and affection.

Love, love, love, love and affection.

Love, love, L-O-V-E-E-E and affection.

Can you love me for poor?

I’m searching for my soul.

(Rockstar)

Whoever turnt you cold.

(Because)

You need to let ‘em know.

I can work miracles.

I’ll work you physical.

And when i hold you close.

You can feel my heart breathing through my clothes.

jack wanted you to read over his part.

you took a minute reading and adding a line yourself.

Oh, whoa-oh.

“jack this is amazing.”

jack reached over and kissed you.

“only because of you my love.”

“finish baby.”

Jackman.

I don't want to give you the wrong impression.

I need love and affection.

And I hope I’m not sounding too desperate.

I need love and affection.

Love, love, love, love and affection.

Love, love, L-O-V-E-E-E and affection.

“never would i have thought i could write a song that i genuinely like this much in less then an hour.”

“when are we recording?”

“we’ll shit lets do it now?”

urban and clay were waiting for you guys to give them the call to come into the studio to actually record.

clay walked in and got ready to record.

you and jack thought it would be best to go into the studio at the same time being as though your parts are so closely tied and related.

it took around four tries before you were both satisfied with the song.

you and jack were going to release it tomorrow, you wanted it to just be a surprise and not lead anyone on.

jack on the other hand wanted to post a snip and release it in two weeks.

“jack i dont want to do that, can we just release the song please?”

“y/n i don’t understand why we cant just wait!”

“how about we wait but no snip?”

“no, lets just do what i want!”

“jack your acting like a child, i make a compromise, take it or where going with my original idea since you cant act like a adult.”

“but-“

“take me home.”

jack drove you both home in silence while you strolled on your phone.

jack pulled in the drive way and you jumped out the car and started to head inside with jack following close behind.

you went into the bathroom to shower and jack jack brush his teeth.

your got out the shower and went to brush your teeth before getting dressed.

you finished and put on your own clothes wanting jack to know you were really ll pissed.

jack walked into the bedroom and immediately jumped on you.

“JACKK!! I CANT BREATHE!!!!”

“im sorry for making you mad mamas, you forgive me?”

“JACKMAN!!”

“say you forgive me and ill get up.”

“I FORGIVE YOU NOW UPPP!!!”

jack got off you and went into the bathroom to shower.

you waited for jack, he took a quick shower and had already brushed his teeth so he but on sweatpants and his wife beater and came cuddle into you.

“goodnight babe.”

“goodnight jackie.”

after around a week after the release the song had hit #1 in charts.

you couldn’t be more proud of jack and he couldn’t be more proud of you.

[otter-pup]

(It's all good! You were going through subdrop, its understandable. Don't feel the need to apologize for that.)

As the eggs finally are finally done being laid in your womb, your belly is once again massive. If you weren't in the current position you were in now, no doubt your belly would overtake you. You're more belly, womb, and egg than human now.

As the tentacle pulled out of you, an egg presses down on your cervix. Just like the clutch before, it took so long for them to be laid in you that the rest have incubated and need to be laid. So the tentacles move you into a position that'll make it easier for you to lay and wait.

It's an effort for you to even get the first egg past your cervix. It's already halfway through, the pressure from the other eggs forcing it through. But it isn't enough. It'll take an hour, maybe even too, before the egg is even in your cunt. The large tentacle wrapped around you realizes that you need help and does what it did before, press down on your belly.

It helps, but it's noticeably not as fast at the times before. The larger eggs take longer to be laid and it takes longer for the eggs in your womb to pass through your cervix. It's obvious, even to an eggslut like you, that the eggs are going to eventually get so big that you eventually won't be able to lay them. You'll have to keep them in your womb to their entire term, where they could more than likely hatch.

The aphrodisiacs being pumped down your throat continue as you keep laying the eggs with the help of the tentacle pressing down on your belly. Getting you ready for the next tentacle that's hovering near, waiting for you to be done waiting. It's shrouded in a bit of dark, so it's hard to see the size of the bumps on it. But if you had to guess, they'll probably be bigger eggs than this clutch, and harder to lay as well.

But that doesn't bother you, does it, little eggslut? You're their perfect incubator, so it excites you. You're perfect in every way for the tentacles, and they don't plan on letting stop take their eggs anytime soon.

🐺

im gasping, writhing, and dumb with pleasure by the time the tentacle pulls out, the sheer size of my womb all I can think about. the bigger I get, the less i can imagine ever turning back—i need to keep going, taking bigger eggs, swelling even larger each time.

the eggs already needing to be laid is once again a disappointment, but i find that my belly won’t be going all the way back down for a while—not with how hard it is to get the first one even past my cervix. im exhausted already when the tentacle around me squeezes at my stomach, gasping and crying out as the eggs start pushing out of my womb more quickly, but still so, so slow.

i dont know how ill be able to lay the next tentacle’s eggs, but im hopeful that I will be—i want to be a good eggslut, and if I have to wait for the eggs to hatch inside me I can’t take as many clutches, so the longer and bigger i can go before I have to wait the better.

the aphrodisiac makes sure that that’s my main concern: taking more eggs, as many clutches as possible, before one of the other tentacles’ eggs take complete ownership of my womb for the duration of their incubation.

even still, part of me looks forward to it. to an egg getting stuck behind my cervix, unable to fit back through. to getting to be so big and heavy for i don’t know how long.

i just have to keep being a good eggslut until I get there, keep laying eggs closer and closer to too-big. i just have to be the perfect incubator so ill truly be deemed worthy of carrying the eggs until they hatch.

[familyagrestefanblog]

HEY WAIT A MINUTE!!!

Remember back in “Ephemeral” when Gabriel told Adrien to represend him at the 100th collection launch bc Gabriel is obsessed with terrorism and a shit dad?

Yeah? Good. Do you also remember what his excuse was?

Gabe my Babe, youre not feeling what? You’re not felling WELL? As in...sick? So only Adrien is left to take your position/ represent you in this immensly influencial business because Nathalie isnt feeling peachy either?

But oh! How interesting! Nathalie is shown to help Adrien get through this despite being in very bad health herself

Why does all of that ring some kind of faint bell?

Ah, yes!

That was very specific forshadowing!

Which does make alot of sense when you think about it. “Elation” already showed us that the cataclysm injury is starting to cause Gabriel physical pain again in episode 9:

and non of this is going to get any better for him, thats for sure.

For Nathalie though I had assumed by the end of s4 that Nathalie IS able to get back to full health again, but now “Passion” says that she’s doomed too:

So it seems Nathalie may have gotten better by now when it comes to the direct symptoms of the overuse of the peacock miraculous, but that doesnt stop the fatal long-term effects it has on her body. I guess that does check out.

And that means, with both Gabriel and Nathalie doomed to their ever futher-spreading illnesses set up to result in death, at some point neither of them can represent the business anymore without risking people catching onto the sicknesses. So I guess that only leaves the very obvious solution of having Adrien be the one to take over the position.

Although it does raise the questions of if or how Gabriels sickness can remain a secret from Adrien in all of this. Sure, NOW thats still possible to cover up but in what condition will he be in in another 9 episodes? Is Gabriel just never going to leave the lair again later in the season and Nathalie will tell Adrien that his father left elsewhere (without proplerly saying goodbye; season 4 finale possibly forshadowed that the other way around with Adrien leaving and Gabriel staying) and now Adrien has to fill in some of his fathers responsibilities? I mean, Adrien would have the time for it now that he isnt a model anymore.

Edit: The Tsurugi business might end up threatening to take over Gabriels business near the end too, since it’ll simply need a competent adult leader with gabriel and Nathalie down. That would fit surprisingly WELL too now in s5!

I dont see any reason why “Ephemeral” shouldnt have been legit forshadowing for s5, it sure felt weirdly “next-level for the Agreste story” in season 4.

[jamisonwritestf2trash]

I like the idea of a medic scout friendship. ive seen people try and make medic his dad and like I dont know I feel like you can look up to someone without making them your dad. that interpretation of their relationship is not my favorite but to each their own as they say. maybe im the weird one but I like to project my social anxiety onto scout. like this guy is similar enough where it feels like im allowed to do that. lol. well the point is I like to imagine scout considers people he talks to and is around often enough as friends regardless of how hes treated because they talk to him, if they really hated him they'd leave forever, right? I call it the friendship system, if someone tolerates us enough to keep coming back theyre my friend now. anyway I like to think medic has spoken/hung around scout envienbijv. this ask is a disjointed mess. Basically the moral of the story? I really like making scout worse by taking parts of myself and twisting them to try and fit the charater because if it doesn't ill be too embarrassed. like is it lame to want medic to keep everyone awake for surgery and make small talk at them and some of the mercs like it more, and scouts just come to associate it with "hanging out with medic" time? I dont know. I dont think I explained it well enough I hope you understand and if not im sorry for being weird. I havent eaten yet so the world is awful right now. I JUST RELAIXZZED IM JUST GIVING SCOUT TF2 MY UNMEDICATED ASS'S ISSIUES MAN. scout tf2 really is the adhd haver ever I guess. I just think it would be neat for the mercs to be freinds and I dont really like it when they absolutely hate each other in fan works lol. like I like to think they annoy each other, get into fights, and do dumb shit but in the end care about each other even a lil even if they cant or dont show it like most well adjusted people do. theyre literally team fortress.sorry im off medication right now I hope you have a good day this got too long 💀

I'd love to be able to break this down line by line but I'm so tired I'll just bullet point this

• I love people who associate so closely with Scout because that's so real and I totally get where you guys come from

• Medic and Scout are definitely friends

• I understand all too well the philosophy of "you keep hanging out with me so we're friends now"

• Socut getting surgery is definitely his hang out with Medic time, and he comes to enjoy it more than most things

• You weren't weird at all, but please eat something!

[talon-dragonbeast]

hii um feel free to skip this but I kind of need help

so I'm recovering from a huge tr*scum phase and I have realized that maybe kinda sorta I'm otherkin?

but I come from a huge therian hate phase and part of me is still stuck with bigoted beliefs-

before the wave of hate I identified as a furry but I think I'm feeling more and more like I'm otherkin or voidpunk even (I was voidpunk for a long ass time before and it feelt so nice)

I just don't know what to do with myself :( what if I'm otherkin? what terms do I use? how do I get over my hate?

how do I do this? do I need to have like an alter ego or something? how does it feel to be otherkin?

I'm sorry for so many questions and feel free to redirect me someplace else if you can't or don't wanna answer all of this

-🐕

hey, first of all, congrats on being able to leave your hatred behind! that must've taken some guts, im proud of you bud.

now, you are considering a new identity that you were previously taught to hate. thats amazing! but also hard. so, how to figure out if youre otherkin? the answer will vary from person to person, but for me, its a deeply ingrained part of my identity. when i started questioning myself a year ago, it was because i realised that it didnt feel good to call myself human. it didnt feel right, like i was lying to myself. i tried different species labels, to see what fit me the most, and when i found the draconic community it clicked. ive been calling myself a dragon for little over a year, and im happier than ive ever been!

if you think you may be otherkin or otherwise nonhuman, there may be a few signs that point you towards that. why did you start questioning? maybe you felt something wasnt "right" with you or your body, maybe you have instincts or urges that arent completely human, maybe you feel like you have or that you should have certain body parts that you currently dont, maybe you feel a certain connection towards a specific creature, or maybe you just... dont feel human!

i want you to take a piece of paper (or your phone if thats easier, but i feel like writing with a physical pen on a piece of paper makes your thoughts flow better), and to write down all that. make a bullet list, a little essay, a letter; hell, another ask for me would work too. make doodles on the margins when you cant think of anything else to write. draw yourself, draw the body you wish to have, draw the birds on your window or the pen youre writing with. dont worry about the correct terminology, about what nonhumanity is "supposed to feel like" or about how stupid you think this is. this is your journey, not anyone else's.

and when the feelings of hatred or cringe come up again (and they will come up), treat them like any other intrusive thought: acknowledge the feeling, validate it even if its a bit misguided, and then gently push it aside. dont get me wrong, its good to remain a bit skeptical; a critical mind is a healthy mind, after all! but theres a line between critical and hateful. one is useful, the other blinds you. i encourage you to learn as much as you can; hatred often comes from fear, which often comes from ignorance. to get over the hate you must kill that ignorance with knowledge. but dont worry, the community can help you with that!

since you asked, ill leave you some definitions under the cut if you want to take a peek. i strongly recommend you to not get caught up in terms or definitions though; figure your identity first, and then you can learn about the rest later. ill also leave a link to the alterhuman archive, in case you want to read about other peoples journeys:

otherkin: an umbrella term for people who identify as a nonhuman being on a psychological/spiritual/physical level, partially or wholy. the term is popularly used for beings that come from mythology such as gryphons or fairies, but it doesnt have to be. this identity is usually involuntary, and it cannot be turned off at will.

therian: shortened form of "therianthrope", its a term for people who identify as animalistic beings on a psychological/spiritual/physical level, partially or wholy. therians can be earthen animals that exist or have existed on our planet like lions or cows, or mythical beings that are more animalistic in nature such as dragons (some of these use the label theriomythic, but it isnt necessary). this identity is usually involuntary, and it cannot be turned off at will.

fictionkin: people who identify as a fictional character or species on a psychological/spiritual/physical level, partially or wholy. this identity is usually involuntary, and it cannot be turned off at will.

otherhearted: people who identify with a nonhuman or fictional being, instead of as it, to the point that it becomes a part of their identity. includes things like wishing you were this being, feeling like its your family, feeling represented by it, etc. this identity can be spiritual or psychological, and its usually involuntary as well.

copinglinkers/otherlinkers: people who voluntarily choose to identify as a nonhuman or fictional being, either for coping reasons, for confort or for any other reason. this identity is completely voluntary, and can be turned off as necessary.