#and i just remembered why people don't react to me the way i expect them to- and it's because i have a different picture of what i look lik

[cloutchaserkineme]

fail, girl!

5:49 p.m. Friday, on a straw mat, with peel-off lipstick on

When we were in a journalism competition, a newspaper columnist came and held a small workshop for us small budding high school students. She was one of those old-Martial Law era types, the ones who got the grit and experience necessary to survive being a journalist here in the Philippines, a dragon with callused wings swanning into a place full of ickle baby lizards with fresh bits of slick membrane still clinging to our scaly lids.

She asked who among those of us competing for the copyreading category in the room wanted to become a journalist. I was the only one who tentatively raised a hand.

She was confused, and a bit disappointed that none of these little reptiles who managed to clear the first two rounds of the competitions wanted to pursue fact-checking and editing and newswriting in totality. I thought she was just reacting as an animal bred for her field- her life was words, and she couldn't fathom anyone else trying so hard to succeed in a field they weren't going to nurture and continue in any way.

At least, that's what I thought she thought then. Now I know she was probably just confused. No other deeper meaning to it.

Like I am right now. I have not been a law student in two to three weeks, just simply going to events and covering them and interviewing clients and transcribing quotes and attempting and failing to write the articles I need to write from them.

I feel impotent and stupid and just plain useless. Those kids who didn't raise their hands... they were smart. They were onto something. They knew that this wasn't a field to pursue if you wanted to be successful in the long term. These smart kids, achievers and top ten placers in their school with their latinate appellations a soft launch for their three-to-four letter profession markers in their certificates.

They were just there because the journalism competition held a lot of points in class and school rankings, not because asking people and getting answers and writing those down and spreading them out was fun and nice to do. They were smart, playing the game like that. I just played with whatever they gave me and never thought to do anything that required higher thinking skills with it.

They gave me a pencil, then a pen, pointed me to people and events and ideas- and I wrote. I didn't think anything beyond that.

Now I type, heavily and with such excess. I don't like what I type, and I think I hate typing...even writing this update is very tiring for me. I don't like it anymore. I don't like the updates getting from my bosses and coworkers, I don't like being jealous and envious of my coworkers having their ducks in their row and effortlessly slaying this industry I thought I was a good fit for. I don't like working for people who use money to do fucking shit in my place, I don't like platforming [type of company redacted for anonymity purposes] on our articles, and I fucking hate talking to people in a large crowd.

A few days ago I met a journalist who never asked questions (fully online desk reporter, though she worked in local print media like I did) and was more anxious than me and I felt a kinship with her and she was nice. Until I saw a friend of mine during the same event, and she congratulated me for getting into law school, and that my cousin from my father's side who failed the bar exam thrice but was married to an attorney he met in law school was surprised that I was still there and why I haven't quit the silly little news writing thing I was doing. And this journalist congratulated me for doing such a good job. I felt like a fraud, like I have inadvertently put her under the same illusion I somehow cast over everyone else- the spell of "oooh look at her she is a competent person who has her ducks in a row".

She has expectations of me that I don't know how to meet!

And I was stressed but I wasn't as stressed as my friends who were also working in offices with solid hours and good career prospects and great work-life-school balance and they had three midterm exams back-to-back.

You know what I did with those same hours? Nothing. Just daydreaming and sleeping thinking about fictional characters being loved and nothing else and I have put off so much. The gig I took, the articles I am three to four days late in passing, the fucking law school!

Killing myself isn't even going to cut it anymore, the phrase has been slicing over so many thoughts in my head for nine months now that the edge of it has dulled and it can't pierce through the brain fog right now.

I want to have my cake and eat it too, like the greedy Jupiter-Venus person that I am (but the Mercury-ruled detriment of both these planets is literally knowing that this isn't practical or realistic or rooted in explainable and measurable actions). So yeah... we go fucking on? I don't know. I don't have much faith in myself any more.

Do I learn how to say no? Or how to stop saying yes?

(30) 6:34 p.m.

[archaeren]

How I learned to write smarter, not harder

(aka, how to write when you're hella ADHD lol)

A reader commented on my current long fic asking how I write so well. I replied with an essay of my honestly pretty non-standard writing advice (that they probably didn't actually want lol) Now I'm gonna share it with you guys and hopefully there's a few of you out there who will benefit from my past mistakes and find some useful advice in here. XD Since I started doing this stuff, which are all pretty easy changes to absorb into your process if you want to try them, I now almost never get writer's block.

The text of the original reply is indented, and I've added some additional commentary to expand upon and clarify some of the concepts.

As for writing well, I usually attribute it to the fact that I spent roughly four years in my late teens/early 20s writing text roleplay with a friend for hours every single day. Aside from the constant practice that provided, having a live audience immediately reacting to everything I wrote made me think a lot about how to make as many sentences as possible have maximum impact so that I could get that kind of fun reaction. (Which is another reason why comments like yours are so valuable to fanfic writers! <3) The other factors that have improved my writing are thus: 1. Writing nonlinearly. I used to write a whole story in order, from the first sentence onward. If there was a part I was excited to write, I slogged through everything to get there, thinking that it would be my reward once I finished everything that led up to that. It never worked. XD It was miserable. By the time I got to the part I wanted to write, I had beaten the scene to death in my head imagining all the ways I could write it, and it a) no longer interested me and b) could not live up to my expectations because I couldn't remember all my ideas I'd had for writing it. The scene came out mediocre and so did everything leading up to it. Since then, I learned through working on VN writing (I co-own a game studio and we have some visual novels that I write for) that I don't have to write linearly. If I'm inspired to write a scene, I just write it immediately. It usually comes out pretty good even in a first draft! But then I also have it for if I get more ideas for that scene later, and I can just edit them in. The scenes come out MUCH stronger because of this. And you know what else I discovered? Those scenes I slogged through before weren't scenes I had no inspiration for, I just didn't have any inspiration for them in that moment! I can't tell you how many times there was a scene I had no interest in writing, and then a week later I'd get struck by the perfect inspiration for it! Those are scenes I would have done a very mediocre job on, and now they can be some of the most powerful scenes because I gave them time to marinate. Inspiration isn't always linear, so writing doesn't have to be either!

Some people are the type that joyfully write linearly. I have a friend like this--she picks up the characters and just continues playing out the next scene. Her story progresses through the entire day-by-day lives of the characters; it never timeskips more than a few hours. She started writing and posting just eight months ago, she's about an eighth of the way through her planned fic timeline, and the content she has so far posted to AO3 for it is already 450,000 words long. But most of us are normal humans. We're not, for the most part, wired to create linearly. We consume linearly, we experience linearly, so we assume we must also create linearly. But actually, a lot of us really suffer from trying to force ourselves to create this way, and we might not even realize it. If you're the kind of person who thinks you need to carrot-on-a-stick yourself into writing by saving the fun part for when you finally write everything that happens before it: Stop. You're probably not a linear writer. You're making yourself suffer for no reason and your writing is probably suffering for it. At least give nonlinear writing a try before you assume you can't write if you're not baiting or forcing yourself into it!! Remember: Writing is fun. You do this because it's fun, because it's your hobby. If you're miserable 80% of the time you're doing it, you're probably doing it wrong!

2. Rereading my own work. I used to hate reading my own work. I wouldn't even edit it usually. I would write it and slap it online and try not to look at it again. XD Writing nonlinearly forced me to start rereading because I needed to make sure scenes connected together naturally and it also made it easier to get into the headspace of the story to keep writing and fill in the blanks and get new inspiration. Doing this built the editing process into my writing process--I would read a scene to get back in the headspace, dislike what I had written, and just clean it up on the fly. I still never ever sit down to 'edit' my work. I just reread it to prep for writing and it ends up editing itself. Many many scenes in this fic I have read probably a dozen times or more! (And now, I can actually reread my own work for enjoyment!) Another thing I found from doing this that it became easy to see patterns and themes in my work and strengthen them. Foreshadowing became easy. Setting up for jokes or plot points became easy. I didn't have to plan out my story in advance or write an outline, because the scenes themselves because a sort of living outline on their own. (Yes, despite all the foreshadowing and recurring thematic elements and secret hidden meanings sprinkled throughout this story, it actually never had an outline or a plan for any of that. It's all a natural byproduct of writing nonlinearly and rereading.)

Unpopular writing opinion time: You don't need to make a detailed outline.

Some people thrive on having an outline and planning out every detail before they sit down to write. But I know for a lot of us, we don't know how to write an outline or how to use it once we've written it. The idea of making one is daunting, and the advice that it's the only way to write or beat writer's block is demoralizing. So let me explain how I approach "outlining" which isn't really outlining at all.

I write in a Notion table, where every scene is a separate table entry and the scene is written in the page inside that entry. I do this because it makes writing nonlinearly VASTLY more intuitive and straightforward than writing in a single document. (If you're familiar with Notion, this probably makes perfect sense to you. If you're not, imagine something a little like a more contained Google Sheets, but every row has a title cell that opens into a unique Google Doc when you click on it. And it's not as slow and clunky as the Google suite lol) (Edit from the future: I answered an ask with more explanation on how I use Notion for non-linear writing here.) When I sit down to begin a new fic idea, I make a quick entry in the table for every scene I already know I'll want or need, with the entries titled with a couple words or a sentence that describes what will be in that scene so I'll remember it later. Basically, it's the most absolute bare-bones skeleton of what I vaguely know will probably happen in the story.

Then I start writing, wherever I want in the list. As I write, ideas for new scenes and new connections and themes will emerge over time, and I'll just slot them in between the original entries wherever they naturally fit, rearranging as necessary, so that I won't forget about them later when I'm ready to write them. As an example, my current long fic started with a list of roughly 35 scenes that I knew I wanted or needed, for a fic that will probably be around 100k words (which I didn't know at the time haha). As of this writing, it has expanded to 129 scenes. And since I write them directly in the page entries for the table, the fic is actually its own outline, without any additional effort on my part. As I said in the comment reply--a living outline!

This also made it easier to let go of the notion that I had to write something exactly right the first time. (People always say you should do this, but how many of us do? It's harder than it sounds! I didn't want to commit to editing later! I didn't want to reread my work! XD) I know I'm going to edit it naturally anyway, so I can feel okay giving myself permission to just write it approximately right and I can fix it later. And what I found from that was that sometimes what I believed was kind of meh when I wrote it was actually totally fine when I read it later! Sometimes the internal critic is actually wrong. 3. Marinating in the headspace of the story. For the first two months I worked on [fic], I did not consume any media other than [fandom the fic is in]. I didn't watch, read, or play anything else. Not even mobile games. (And there wasn't really much fan content for [fandom] to consume either. Still isn't, really. XD) This basically forced me to treat writing my story as my only source of entertainment, and kept me from getting distracted or inspired to write other ideas and abandon this one.

As an aside, I don't think this is a necessary step for writing, but if you really want to be productive in a short burst, I do highly recommend going on a media consumption hiatus. Not forever, obviously! Consuming media is a valuable tool for new inspiration, and reading other's work (both good and bad, as long as you think critically to identify the differences!) is an invaluable resource for improving your writing.

When I write, I usually lay down, close my eyes, and play the scene I'm interested in writing in my head. I even take a ten-minute nap now and then during this process. (I find being in a state of partial drowsiness, but not outright sleepiness, makes writing easier and better. Sleep helps the brain process and make connections!) Then I roll over to the laptop next to me and type up whatever I felt like worked for the scene. This may mean I write half a sentence at a time between intervals of closed-eye-time XD

People always say if you're stuck, you need to outline.

What they actually mean by that (whether they realize it or not) is that if you're stuck, you need to brainstorm. You need to marinate. You don't need to plan what you're doing, you just need to give yourself time to think about it!

What's another framing for brainstorming for your fic? Fantasizing about it! Planning is work, but fantasizing isn't.

You're already fantasizing about it, right? That's why you're writing it. Just direct that effort toward the scenes you're trying to write next! Close your eyes, lay back, and fantasize what the characters do and how they react.

And then quickly note down your inspirations so you don't forget, haha.

And if a scene is so boring to you that even fantasizing about it sucks--it's probably a bad scene.

If it's boring to write, it's going to be boring to read. Ask yourself why you wanted that scene. Is it even necessary? Can you cut it? Can you replace it with a different scene that serves the same purpose but approaches the problem from a different angle? If you can't remove the troublesome scene, what can you change about it that would make it interesting or exciting for you to write?

And I can't write sitting up to save my damn life. It's like my brain just stops working if I have to sit in a chair and stare at a computer screen. I need to be able to lie down, even if I don't use it! Talking walks and swinging in a hammock are also fantastic places to get scene ideas worked out, because the rhythmic motion also helps our brain process. It's just a little harder to work on a laptop in those scenarios. XD

In conclusion: Writing nonlinearly is an amazing tool for kicking writer's block to the curb. There's almost always some scene you'll want to write. If there isn't, you need to re-read or marinate.

Or you need to use the bathroom, eat something, or sleep. XD Seriously, if you're that stuck, assess your current physical condition. You might just be unable to focus because you're uncomfortable and you haven't realized it yet.

Anyway! I hope that was helpful, or at least interesting! XD Sorry again for the text wall. (I think this is the longest comment reply I've ever written!)

And same to you guys on tumblr--I hope this was helpful or at least interesting. XD Reblogs appreciated if so! (Maybe it'll help someone else!)

[thecherrytarot]

𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐰𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐚 𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐨𝐭 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫 𝐭𝐞𝐥𝐥 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐦 𝐚𝐛𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮?

pile 1 → pile 2 → pile 3

Pick the photo that you feel the most drawn to. As always, this is a general reading so take what resonates. This is a reading is between the tarot reader and your person so the 'they' here is you!

𝐏𝐢𝐥𝐞 𝟏:

The reader would tell your person, "They are someone who is ruled by the planet pluto or have a lot of Scorpio in their chart. They have gone through a lot of transformations to be who they are today and they are very wise because of this. They are very mysterious, intelligent and highly calculated. Oh, you thought you had the upper hand ?! honey they gave you that hand, don't be a fool they are always one step ahead of you but not in a cunning way, it's just the way they are. They are like the flame of a burning candle, constantly changing and never remaining the same. Now I know this PG-friendly reading but your person is very sensual in nature and is not afraid to show the love they have for you even in public. Your physical union iykwim will be very healing for not only you but them as well, don't worry they will take care of all your needs and wants. Be careful with how you approach them and remember 'if you can't stand the heat then get out of the kitchen'. Cause being with them is not a nice walk in the park, they have problems that they know how to take care of all by themselves, are you ready to prove that you are dependable? They have experienced their share of loss and endings and now they know exactly what they want and let me tell you, they won't settle down for someone who doesn't fit their standards. They care a lot about others, it is almost as if it is their second nature. They will go out of their way to help someone but not because they are a people pleaser, they do it just because they can help. They do not expect anything in return. Why does that shock you? There are people like this world and you will be lucky enough to meet them."

𝐏𝐢𝐥𝐞 𝟐:

the reader would tell your person, "oh my your person is already manifesting you, how sweet! They have been through so much and for some reason, they have very little support from their family and/or community, maybe they are the same gender as you?! whatever the reason they have had very little experience with real and pure love. They feel alone and may naively even go look for love in all the wrong places. Your person might even feel left out and behind by their friends, how dare they !!!! Poor soul though. I just imagined them and they are on their bed, crying to some higher being to send them someone who will love them the way deserve to be loved. Well here you are, their soulmate or should I say destiny. Oh, how silly of you both to underestimate the blessings of the universe. I won't talk much now and the universe let you meet by chance and mend the bond"

𝐏𝐢𝐥𝐞 𝟑:

the reader would tell your person, "quite a character not gonna lie. at first, they will appear as this shy, mysterious and typical 'i don't speak unless spoken to' kinda person but oh boy, the minute you speak it is so adorable how they continue to ramble and then zone out mid-sentence. I just imagined how they will have their resting face on but the minute you go up to them and say a 'hello! what is your name?' you can see how the gears inside their head are turning. very introverted and they love reading books and no they are not your typical nerd the books they usually read are found in the adult section and yes they will ask you to recreate the 'lean on the door' pose. They enjoy their alone because they need to be alone with their thoughts, they won't mind if you are there but please do not make noise, they will kick you out <3 You love teasing them, don't you? love to see them react like that to your advances, don't worry they enjoy it a lot more than you do and miss it when away from you but they will never tell you that. They are your soulmate and a very wise one in fact, they know how life works when to be patient, and when to sacrifice for the greater good. They will help you look at life from a completely different point of view which help you a lot in life and the best part about this they will drop this life-changing advice in the middle of their rambling session. Cherish them they won't show it but they have been through a lot too."

[daytaker]

The Demon Brothers React to Watching a Horror Movie with You

CW: discussion of gore (Satan)

I didn’t include the dateables in this one but if people want that, y’know…let me know.

Lucifer

"You frighten yourself... intentionally? Interesting."

He fails to see the appeal, quite frankly.

Not only does he not find them scary, he doesn't understand why you watch them if you do.

He's too used to playing the babysitter to take you grabbing his hand as an excuse for physical contact. He interprets it as you tapping out, so he'll pause the movie and give you an out.

Of course, if you insist on finishing the movie regardless, that's an interesting choice in and of itself.

What an opportunity to observe a tortured human psyche at work.

If you insist on holding hands at this point, he won't fight it. He is a bit more dubious than before, though. Are you really doing this because you're scared? You wouldn't happen to have any ulterior motives, would you?

He will gladly reassure you after the movie is over that you are always welcome to come to him for comfort if you're afraid in the middle of the night. You know where his room is.

Mammon

"Just so we’re clear, I ain’t afraid of no horror movies. Not even a little! Not even a teensy-tiny bit, all right? Like, seriously."

He's lying.

This isn't even headcanon stuff, this is just common knowledge.

Also common knowledge: he will insist on proving how cool and brave he is by watching a horror movie with you and protecting you from the monsters and gore onscrEEAAAUUUUGH???!!!

He wasn't scared, he was just startled.

And he's only up here on the lights fixture because he remembered one bulb was flickering earlier. There. He fixed it. He's just being responsible.

Anyway, if you're nervous and want to hold his hand, he understands. Humans are fragile as hell.

In fact, you don't need to stop at hand-holding. You can just hug hiMYEEAAGH!!!!

He's hugging you instead. He's being a good demon and taking care of his human.

Yes, he's in your lap. He thought you'd feel more secure that way.

Stop laughing!

Leviathan

"So I read that the film set for this movie was cursed by a mangaka who never got credit as an influence for the story..."

Time for some J-horror, obviously.

He read up extensively on the production before asking you to watch it with him. He figures he'll be less terrified if he has plenty of background knowledge about the film as an artistic piece to remind him that the happenings onscreen aren't real.

Instead he found a bunch of rumors about how the movie was cursed. But he'd already poured so much of his valuable time into researching it. Sunk cost fallacy: activated! You're watching this damn movie.

He's scared. He's so embarrassed to be this scared but he's scared.

When he's by himself, he doesn't mind that he spooks easily. He likes it. That's the fun of horror games and movies.

But with you here, he feels the pressure to be your emotional rock during the harrowing film-viewing process.

You can hold his hand. You know, if you want to. He gets it if that idea grosses you out, but he did wash his hands right before you got here, so...

If he gets too scared, the demon form comes out, and suddenly you have a scaly tail wrapped around your waist and webbed fingers clutching you.

He's sorry, it's just... It just happens sometimes, okay? Laugh it up, normie!

Actually, it feels kind of nice when you stroke his scales like that. If you really want to, you don't have to stop.

He is no longer watching the movie.

Satan

"This is an extremely unrealistic depiction of decapitation with a hacksaw."

There is nothing less scary than watching a horror movie with Satan, because his smart ass can't stop telling you about everything wrong with it.

The movie is starting. Are you nervous? He'll hold your hand. He has enough basic sense to at least get that part of the process right.

...That's not even close to how it looks when you disembowel a deer.

There's a lot more blood spatter than you'd expect when head wounds are involved. Apparently the special effects crew on this movie didn't do their due diligence.

Hmm, that's actually a pretty convincing amputation scene. Credit where credit is due.

Sorry, but he thinks that calling this one a "psychological thriller" is giving it a little too much credit.

Asmodeus

"Nooo! Ahhh, I can't take it, it's so scaryyy!"

He's not scared. Not even a little.

He's not even grossed out.

But he thinks that seeming terrified is cuter than seeming mildly amused and a little bored.

So before you start watching, he makes sure to lay down some ground rules.

If he's scared, he gets to hold your hand. If you're scared, you get to hold his hand.

If he's scared, he gets to hug you. If you're scared, you get to hug him.

If nothing scary is happening for more than five minutes, he's allowed to request a kiss. Just to keep you both from getting bored.

Why are sex scenes in slashers so awful? Even before the stabbing starts. They're just so... blah. It's disappointing every time.

Ahhh! There's the killer! He's so scared! He's going to hide his face in your neck and cling to you for dear life!

Beelzebub

"What's wrong? Why do you look so sick?"

Bro will eat nonchalantly through the most brutal and gut-wrenching scenes of gore, entirely unaffected.

And he will.

He will do that, right in front of you, and not even have the decency to understand why you have to go vomit.

He doesn't really get most horror films. But occasionally something will resonate strongly with him and he will become very quiet and potentially fairly upset for awhile.

If something reminds him too much of Lilith or her death, for example.

But even if that happens, he won't stop eating.

Belphegor

"Wake me up if something interesting starts happening."

Another one who is entirely unaffected by horror.

Nothing is more horrifying than living as himself in this fucked up world.

He's very annoyed whenever Mammon or Levi watches anything horror-related because their screaming makes it hard to sleep.

He doesn't mind if you scream though.

He can fall asleep to the sound of you screaming.

Take that however you wish.

[thursdayinspace]

There is something about the way Mulder learns to accept and seek out emotional support and comfort throughout the course of the seasons. With all the casual physical contact that they have going on from the beginning, he seems ready to reach out, but doesn't seem to expect others to do the same. He feels deeply, but he keeps it to himself; something he seems to have learned from an early age. He's had to build his life around other people's pain since his sister disappered. He doesn't want to burden others with his needs.

Scully's "I wouldn't put myself on the line for anybody but you" in "Tooms" is met with a joke immediately to lighten the mood -- a flirty joke, but still. He doesn't think he deserves how much she cares about him. Caring is his job. It's everyone else's job to disregard and dismiss his feelings and not take him seriously.

Scully setting up their secret meeting in "Little Green Men" -- he seems almost a little confused that she really just wanted to see him. He doesn't react when the touches his hair before she leaves. He doesn't react when she briefly takes his hand at the end. I don't think those little gestures of comfort don't register with him. They do. He simply doesn't quite know how to respond to them. He doesn't hesitate to gently cup her cheek and offer comfort when she wants to come back to work after her father's death. But he would never expect her to do that for him.

In "Anasazi" when he says "Thank you for taking care of me," it seems like he has to think about that sentence for a long time. Not because he isn't grateful, but because he doesn't really understand why she did it. Nothing more embarrassing than thanking someone and hearing "Oh, I didn't do it for you." And he said some pretty rude things to her when he was drugged, accusing her of betraying him. Who knows how much of it he remembers, but apparently enough to feel mortified. He never wanted to hurt her, but he must have, and then, after all that, she saved him and risked so much for him?

The scene in "Detour" comes to mind, the night in the forest when she tries to pull his head into her lap so he can get some rest and so that she can keep him warm, and he jokes "I don't want to wrestle." She doesn't have to do this, he's fine. He's not being a manly man who doesn't need anything, it's just that she's offering something that's hard to accept for him. She offers him a place to let go and stop pushing on. And he doesn't think she needs to do that, he is not fatally injured or anything, he'll be fine. But she wants him to be comfortable. She sees him, and is there for him.

At his mother's hospital bed in "Herrenvolk," she reaches for him and he lets himself cry into her shoulder. It's not just an emotional scene because of what he's going through. It's that he's allowing himself to truly let himself go in front of her. She reaches for him and he gives in and leans his face against her shoulder, holds onto her, letting her hold him. Letting her hold him. That's the really crucial point. Who has ever done that for him before? Who has ever allowed him his pain and told him it's okay, I know you have to feel like this right now, I know you're hurting, and I will be your tether for as long as you have to lose yourself in this?

"Sein und Zeit" -- he clings to her so tightly, lets her be his lifeline in this moment, as he knows she wants to be that for him. Letting go like that is so, so scary. There is always the fear that it will change someone's opinion of you. Make them think you're weak. Let them know what gets to you, and then you will always always always have to deal with them looking at you trying to asses how okay you are in stressful situations. It leaves you wide open and vulnerable. Learning that she doesn't expect him to be strong, that she doesn't believe that things don't affect him, that's a new concept. It requires so much trust.

Being able to take an offered hand is really fucking difficult, especially when you've been conditioned to be the one doing the reaching out. Leaning on someone is terrifying. Some patterns are hard to unlearn. But her steady presence finally allows him to show weakness and trust her to catch him when he falls. It lets him understand that he's allowed to fall sometimes.

[d34dlysinner]

This is just a funny thought I had, but have ya ever done that school prank where ya jab two fingers into someone's waist/sides from behind?my school called it Taser

Some of the whb guys (Marbas) just have their waists out and vulnerable. Imagine just jabbing their waists and trying to run away afterwards, some of them probably laugh while others squeak. I just remembered being the target of this often cause I didn't really react lol.

okay this is a funny thought will mention some of the boys in here (the kings and right hands and some extra boys)

Satan felt two little fingers jab into his waist and turned around thinking that someone was challenging him in a disrespectful way. It was only till he saw that it was you that he calmed down and sighed. He gave you a warm smile and asked what your goals were by poking him like that. He didn't mind the reason eventually mostly because it was you. He did the same later during the day when you were off guard. Laughing when you were shocked. Sitri jumped a little before putting his teacup down. "MC... I'm happy you'd think it's funny to partake in these activities, but maybe you've interacted with Leraye too much?", is all he would say before giving you a small smile. "Though I wouldn't mind you touching me again." Mammon didn't even feel you jab into his waist. He only noticed that you were there, because he heard someone wincing in pain. Concerned he asked you what happened only to laugh at how you injured yourself. "If you want attention you can always demand my time.", he says before carrying you around Tartaros yet again. Bimet flinched a little but looked back at you with the most sarcastic face he could pull off. "If you have time poking people you should have time managing your bank account.", he says as he believes that you can always better spend your time earning money. He will sigh and pat your head after he noticed that your mood was low after he gave you a lecture. Valefor would smile and pat your head before asking your plans for the day. Maybe you'd want to spend it with him since you're here already? Leviathan he flinched and gave you a nasty look. "Why did you do that?", he would ask as he becomes sceptical to your reasoning for poking him. "You shouldn't do that when I'm working at least." He says before he walks off. At least he wouldn't hang you for something like that. Glasyalabolas ignored you. He just walked off and later, he would return to you to do the same to you... when you're taking a nap. Foras turned around and gave you a smile saying he didn't mind the poke. Later during the entire day you would feel random pokes of him. And you know it's him because it's always when you're alone and you feel someone poking you but you see no one. "There's no fun in it if you can see me."

Beelzebub instantly returned the gesture and made it a habit. Have fun with him poking you every time he visits you. Bael was too busy to care at the moment. Later on, when he's taking a break, will he ask you why you would poke him. Amon woke up from his usual nap and dragged you into his arms. He would poke you once before napping with you in his arms. Stolas yelped and turned around with a light blush on his face. He was about to point his gun and hurl insults your way until he realized that it was you. "Don't ever do that again.", is all he said before giving you a light huff and walking away. Lucifer stared at you with a blank expression as you stood there expecting a bit more from him. You didn't get a reaction out of him but definitely got one from the snake on his jacket. "Sorry", you whisper to the snake as you awkwardly excused yourself. Marbas noticed you poking him but didn't say anything apart from "I'm busy right now." Plus he is tied up. he wouldn't be able to do a lot to you to begin with. Gamigin jumped and his chimes were making a lot of noise. "MC! You scared me for a second...", he said before giving you a smile. He gave you a poke afterward. Morax would see you approach him. He would question what you were doing. He saw some hesitation in your actions and asked what was troubling you. When you explained that you wanted to poke him he understood your hesitation. "A little poke wouldn't hurt me if you're worrying about that.", he said as he gave you a little smile. Belphegor continued sleeping. You knew you wouldn't get a reaction out of him unless you do it constantly for a few minutes. He would warn you once. If you do it again he would send you back to Gehenna. Beleth would smile and most likely would flirt with you. Just for entertainment but if the flirting leads to something else (something more steamy) then he wouldn't mind it. Andrealphus gave you a smile before holding your hands. "Instead of poking me you could hold my hand like this. That way I can also know that it's you."

[phoward89]

Jealous!Coryo x Reader, Odair!Ancestor x Reader.

Series Masterlist

WARNING ⚠️ Coriolanus Snow is a warning in and of itself. That man is a walking blood red flag waving heavily in the wind! engagement (not reader), smut, infidelity, love triangle, manipulation, stalking?, gaslighting, fluff, Head Gamemaker!Coryo, District 4 Cruise Ship Heir!Odair OC. Dark!Coriolanus, Jealous!Coriolanus, Dom!Coriolanus

Chapter 4:

You just resumed chopping up the vegetables for the quick stir fry you were going to make for dinner whenever a knock sounded at your door. Oh, so Coriolanus came back for his forgotten jacket. That's good. So, without giving it much thought, you put down your knife and left the kitchen- to go into the main room and answer the door.

But when you opened the door, it wasn't your platinum blonde ex that greeted you, but your current bronze haired boyfriend. Odysseus.

“I brought you some dinner from North Italia.” He smiled, holding up a couple of cardboard boxes with the restaurant’s label on them. “It's squid ink tonnarelli and tiramisu.” Odysseus informed you with a bright smile, making his way to your kitchen. “I think you'll like it; it's what I always get when I go there.”

“I usually get the chicken parm and some cannolis, but I'm sure what you got me will be good.” You half lied. Oh, you were honest about what you always ordered from North Italia (a place that you and Coryo seemed to both order out from and attend his business dinners at), but not about how you felt about what Odysseus got you. Just the thought of eating something made of squid ink made you cringe.

Like, really? Squid ink? Food made with squid ink… You know that Odysseus is really into his District 4 roots, but isn't squid ink food a bit much.

“Hmmm…” Your boyfriend skeptically hummed.

“I was chopping up some veggies to make a stir fry with, but I guess I'll just put them up in the fridge for another day.” You told your boyfriend, following right behind him.

Upon entering the kitchen, Odysseus stopped dead in his tracks. The takeout containers fell out of his hands, due to his shock at seeing a red suit jacket and a large bouquet of red roses on your kitchen island.

Your eyes went wide as you remembered the roses and Coriolanus’ forgotten jacket that are on your kitchen island. Oh no…Odysseus saw them.

“Odysseus?” You tentatively asked, coming up next to him and placing a hand softly on his arm.

He could react one of two ways…

Either lash out on you or cry, but both would come with an accusation.

Pushing your hand off of his arm, Odysseus turned to you only to incredulously exclaim, “We've been together for over a week and you're already cheating on me!” Shaking his head, causing his bronze waves to rustle around his shoulders, he rhetorically asked, “What the hell's wrong with you, honey? I thought you were a nice girl.”

“I am a nice girl, Odysseus.” You told your boyfriend, only to quickly deny the cheating (that you finished doing not that long ago) with, “I didn't cheat. An old friend from my Academy days came over. He's a gentleman; has a thing for bringing roses, and forgot his jacket when he left.”

“You expect me to believe that, Y/N?” Odysseus bitterly scoffed. “Please, don't lie to me. We both know that you're not an Academy graduate, honey.”

That took you aback. Why would he assume that you weren't an Academy graduate?

“But-” You began, only for your boyfriend to cut you off with, “We both know what kind of people attend the Academy, Y/N. Hell, I attended it because it's for rich people, and sadly, honey, you're not rich.”

You felt a heavy, sad feeling welling up in your chest, but you pushed it down. You didn't want your new boyfriend to see you get upset from his words. You wouldn't give him the satisfaction.

Plus you only felt comfortable enough with one man to let yourself show emotions around them. Or at least you did, before everything went down the previous month…

Trying and failing not to let your boyfriend's words get under your skin, you retorted with, “I know I'm not rich, Odysseus. I never said I was, but I was raised around rich kids despite growing up not having a pot to piss in.”

“Look, you don't need to impress me by trying to fluff up your background with Academy cred. I’m not into the social hierarchy of the Capitol, unlike my father.” Odysseus told you, clicking his tongue in a slight reprimanding manner. Crossing his arms over his firm chest, he revealed, “I like you, honey, but the fact that I can't trust you now cause of-” Waving his hand towards the red jacket and roses on the island. Refolding his arm over his chest, your boyfriend sighed, “I think we need to take a break for a few days, so I can clear my head and see how I feel about us.”

Of course, he wanted to take a break. You don't blame him one bit for that. If the roles were reversed, you'd probably want a break too.

“I think that maybe you should take a few personal self-help mental health days. Uh, 3 of them should be good.”

“What? Odysseus-”, You began, feeling that 3 personal self-help mental health days was uncalled for just because the two of you got into a fight and decided to take a small break, but Odysseus cut you off dramatically with, “I suspect you of cheating and you need to think about what you did. Plus, honey, we don't need tension in the company, you do work in the marketing department of the Odair Luxury Cruises.”

“You can't expect me to stay home because we're having a misunderstanding, Odysseus. Hell, we don't even work on the same floor.”

“I don't need any company drama, Y/N, and we're not having a misunderstanding. I caught you cheating, honey, and now I have to decide if I want to give you another chance or not; I don't need to be seeing you around my Pop's company while trying to figure out what to do with you.” Odysseus told you before exiting your apartment; leaving you alone in your kitchen entrance to stew in your thoughts.

You’re alone in the elevator, holding the large bouquet of red roses in your hand; red jacket draped over the crook of your arm, furiously rubbing away the tears that are trickling down your cheeks. Your eyes were starting to blur as you saw the floor numbers begin to reach double digits.

You had to quickly dry your eyes. You couldn't let that platinum haired ex of yours see you crying.

No.

You just wanted to give him back his jacket and roses; thank him for fucking up your new relationship too.

Suddenly, the elevator reached its destination and came to a stop. The doors opened with a loud ding, causing you to step out and into the foyer. You didn't even bother to take in the foyer’s modern decor, just made a beeline towards the penthouse door. The sooner you give Coriolanus his stuff back, the sooner you can go back to your apartment and wallow in your misery. Think of something to say when you call up your boss in the morning to take a few impromptu self-help healing days.

Coming to a stop in front of the ornate door, you scrubbed your eyes dry for a final time and let out a sigh. Balling your hand into a fist, you knocked- quickly to signal that you didn't want to wait in the foyer too long.

It felt like hours as you waited for Coriolanus to answer the door, but in reality it was only minutes.

And when you saw him leaning in the doorway, eyes taking in your upset form, you didn't hesitate to throw his forgotten jacket and roses at him while shouting at him to take his stuff back and to stay the fuck out of your life.

When Coriolanus heard the knock on his door, he was on his sofa watching the P-PANEM (Political-PANEM) channel on TV to see how he was doing since announcing his Senate run. And, sadly, he was ranked at the bottom, which pisses him off. So, your knock was actually a nice distraction from the bullshit he was listening to about himself.

And he knew it was you too. How did he know? Eh, call it lover's intuition.

It only took Coriolanus a few minutes to reach his front door and answer it.

But when he saw your red puffy eyes paired with the roses and his red jacket in your clutches, he knew that his plan worked. He just wasn't expecting it to be so soon. Wow, seems like Odair just had to see you tonight. He was expecting the big cheating breakup fight to happen in the morning or tomorrow night. But it happening so soon worked in his favor.

“Take your roses and jacket back.” You told the tall, sinewy man in front of you while throwing the stuff at him. The jacket and roses flew over his shoulder, landing on the marble floor with a loud thud. “And stay out of my fucking life, you damn bastard.”

Coriolanus figured you'd be upset about a breakup with Odysseus l, but he wasn't expecting you to order him to stay out of your life. Okay, now he wants to know what Odair said to you. What happened to make you start calling him a bastard with a hateful tone of voice.

“Baby, what happened?” The platinum blonde asked, placing his hands on your shoulders in a show of concern and sympathy.

“My boyfriend, Odysseus, came over to bring me some squid ink tonnarelli and tiramisu from his dinner meeting at North Italia, but he saw your jacket and the roses you left in my kitchen and now my life's ruined.”

“God, I hope you didn't eat the squid ink shit? That sounds like a case of botulism just ready to happen.” Coriolanus dryly jokes. On a serious note, he did think that the food sounded disgusting- but to each their own.

But hearing you say that your life's ruined did concern him. A simple breakup doesn't ruin somebody's life. So, he was getting the feeling that more than a breakup occurred.

“How is your life ruined now, Y/N?” The blonde asked, needing to know how bad he needed to punish Odysseus for making you cry; ‘ruining your life’.

“Odysseus wants to take a break for a few days and told me that since I work in the marketing department for his father's company that I have to- well he ordered me to- take a few days off for personal self-help mental health days; that Odair Luxury Cruises doesn't need any issues due to me cheating on him.”

“What? He told you that?” Coriolanus asked, not believing the bullshit manwhore Odair was pulling on you. You two didn't even work on the same department, with you being in marketing and him on the top floor playing VP.

“Yes, he did.” You confirmed with a nod.

You're a hard worker and great at your job. Coriolanus was awed that Odysseus was putting your career in jeopardy over his bruised ego. Fuck, even Coriolanus wouldn't do that. In fact, he'd do the opposite. He'd be up your ass at work, trying to work things out.

Then, the aspiring politician had a wonderful idea. Yes, yes, it was perfect. He'd surely win you back with his sudden spur of the moment idea.

“Come in, we need to talk.” Coriolanus told you, grabbing your hand in his and leading you inside of his lavish and modernly designed penthouse.

“There's nothing for us to talk about, Coriolanus.” You objected, trying to pull your hand out of Coriolanus'.

Your ex just tightened his hold on your hand while closing the door behind you. “Yes, baby, we have something very important to talk about.” You just rolled your eyes at him, prompting him to say, “You're fearful about your job, so let's talk about a new career opportunity that’ll make you 92 thousand a year.”

“And what would that be, your personal mistress?” You sarcastically scoffed.

“No.” Coriolanus shook his head, leading you around the items you threw on his floor (the maid’ll get it in the morning). “You'd be my campaign manager; my public affairs advisor.”

“What?” You asked, feeling as if the air was knocked out of you, while entering the large living room with Coriolanus.

“Well, you'd be working with me at the Citadel as my assistant, but I'd have you running my Senate campaign and PR.” He told explained, leading you over to the large white leather sofa.

“Part of your PR would be me promoting your engagement and wedding to Livia, Coriolanus. I don't know if I can do that.” You honestly told him while sitting down on the sofa.

Coriolanus sat down next to you, only to cup your chin and say in a manipulative and soft baritone, “It's a money match. And arranged between Strabo Plinth and The Cardews, nothing more. You can do PR on it because, my darling rose, I hate Livia and she hates me right back.” Tenderly stroking your jaw, he went on to assure you, “I have no feelings for her, whatsoever. But it's you that I feel rather fond of.”

Hmm…so he feels rather fond of you. Nice to know that you're on the same level as an old stuffed animal or a memory. Things that people are fond of are usually things that get forgotten or tossed to the side.

Of course, you're easily expendable. You're something that's perfect to be fond of.

You loved (you still love him, but refuse to admit it since you're moving on from him) Coriolanus, but he's just fond of you. Just your shitty luck, huh?

But, despite how you feel, the yearly salary that Coriolanus promised you was more than enough to rent your apartment and to give you a life that your mother and brother always dreamed of for you. A life where you're able to be successful. And perhaps you'll be able to find love again while attending various social events that are only exclusive to high Capitolite society.

“Fine, I'll do it. I'll take you up on your job offer.” You told him, hoping that you wouldn't regret saying yes.

“Wonderful, darling.” Coriolanus smiled widely, pearly whites on full display. He thought that he'd gotten you right where he wanted you, but he has no idea that you're just using the new career move to secure a future in Panem.

A future without him. One where you can rely on yourself and show everyone that you're perfectly capable of being successful in the dog eat dog world of Capitol City, Panem.

Plus, there won't be any work drama at the Odair company if/when you and Odysseus decide to work things out and get back together.

Tags: @kuroosbby001 @purriteen @poppyflower-22 @meetmeatyourworst @whipwhoops @bxtchopolis @readingthingsonhere @savagenctzen @ryswritingrecord @erikasurfer @tulips2715 @universal-s1ut @thesmutconnoisseur @squidscottjeans @sudek4l @wearemadeofstardust0 @mashiromochi @gracieroxzy @belcalis9503 @shari-berri @aoi-targaryen @whiteoakoak @spear-bearing-bi-witch @gisellesprettylies @loverandqueenofdragons @qoopeeya @mfnqueen1 @permanentlyexhaustedpigeon88 @v-love @swiftieblyth @joyfulyouthlover @harvey-malfoy @tian-monique @chxrrybomb22 @marvel-hiddles-stark @xjinnix @devils-blackrose @zombicupcake3 @dcylight-fciry

[gingiesworld]

Old Flames

Civil War Wanda Maximoff x GN! Reader

Warnings : Smut. Reader has a penis. Breeding.

Requested by @ginnsbaker

18+ MINORS DNI

"Forever."

"And always."

After the battle at the airport, Vision tried to help get Wanda free from the Raft. Tony could see that the synthezoid was evolving, he was feeling more human with each passing moment. What Tony had never expected was the news he recieved when he arrived at the Raft.

"Wanda Maximoff was broken free last night." Secretary Ross informed him. "You wouldn't have anything to do with it now?"

"No." Tony told him firmly. "As much as I feel horrible with her being here, I wouldn't go back on the Accords."

"The power went down. The cameras were hacked." Secretary Ross stated. "The only person that came to mind with that was you."

"I can assure you. It wasn't me." Tony stated. "You can search the compound and every one of my safe houses but I assure you it wasn't me."

Wanda soon woke up in a dimly lit room, her eyes darting around the room. She wasn't in the restraints she was put in when she was in the Raft. She was just in her suit.

"You know, when I heard your name on the news after the incident. I just couldn't believe you were still alive." She watched as a figure emerged from the doorway.

"Who are you?" She asked, her accent thick.

"I'm hurt that you don't recognise my voice." They spoke, feigning hurt. "After all, you were the one who said always."

"You were dead." Wanda whispered as Y/N chuckled.

"That is what Strucker told you." Y/N stated as they took a seat on the bed beside her. "I was transferred. After they realised our bond. Our relationship, they used it as leverage for their own gain." Wanda remained silent as they spoke. "They told me that you had lost the baby."

"What baby?" Wanda questioned. She remembered their nights spent together, but she was never pregnant.

"They were the ones who told me you were pregnant, and when you miscarried. They told me that you never wanted to see me again." They told her.

"Y/N, you were the only one I ever cared about. Why would I hate you?" Wanda questioned as Y/N shrugged.

"I wanted to have a family with you Wanda." They whispered, they had flicked on the light. Wanda gasped as she saw the once warm blue eyes she fell in love with. "I always did, since we were little."

"Y/N, we're completely different people now." She whispered as they took her hand in theirs. Playing with the many rings on her fingers.

"You will always be the same Wanda to me." They whispered as she shook her head.

"Y/N, we don't know each other anymore." Wanda tried as Y/N shook their head and cupped her cheek.

"You are just a little different." They whispered as their thumb brushed against her bottom lip. "But I bet I remember all of the things that make you squirm." Wanda sighed when they pressed their lips against her own, almost getting lost in the feeling.

"I can't." Wanda whispered as she pulled away.

"You can Wanda." They told her as she shook her head.

"I have Vision." She told them as they smiled at her.

"I understand your powers may be different but it will be ok. This is meant to be. We are meant to be." They told her as they brushed her hair from her face.

"No. Vision has nothing to do with my powers." Wanda whispered as her heart pounded in her chest as Y/N untied her corset. "He is my uh, well I'm not quite sure what we are."

"You're mine Wanda." Y/N told her sternly. "You belong to me, and me alone." Wanda sighed when she felt their lips on her skin as they removed her top. Their hands softly grazing her skin. Remembering the way her skin reacted to their touch.

Wanda moaned as they wrapped their lips around her nipple. Wanda's hand went to the back of their head. Keeping them in place as they continued to suck on the hardened bud.

"Fuck." Wanda moaned lewdly when Y/N's fingers made their way beneath her pants and underwear. Thrusting slowly into her soaked core.

"We have to find her Mr Stark." Vision urged as Tony sighed.

"I have been looking for days Vision." He told him. "I haven't found a single trace of Wanda or the person who broke her out."

"What about Steve?" He questioned as Tony sighed.

"He only got there a couple of days ago. I already questioned him in Siberia." Tony informed him. "He knows nothing of Wanda's whereabouts."

"I don't know what this is that I am feeling Mr Stark but my calculations tell me it's love." Vision told him. "I can feel more with each day that passes."

"I understand that Vision." Tony sighed. "I am looking everywhere."

Y/N was thrusting inside her at a steady pace, the two sharing a kiss before Y/N looked in Wanda's eyes.

"I can't wait to breed you Wanda." They husked out. "Have the family we always talked about."

"Please." Wanda begged as she scratched down their back. "I need it. I need you. All of you."

Y/N grunted as they went faster and harder. Wanda reaching her third orgasm as Y/N reached their own releasing inside of her before they brushed the hair from her face. Watching as she caught her breath.

"I love you Wanda. Forever." They whispered.

"I love you Y/N. Always." She leaned up and kissed their lips lovingly. All of their feelings coming back in full force. The two old flames back together. Burning brighter together than they were when they were apart.

[maluuustrawberry]

"My biggest treasure"

(Túlio X Fem!Reader X Miguel)

(The road to El Dorado fanfiction)

{Part. 1}

A/N: HOW NOBODY WROTE A FIC OF RTED?? Don't ask me why, but I really wanted to write a fic about them after watching again. (It's my favorite movie after The Emperor's New Groove) I was undecided which character to write (I love these two so much) so I decided to do both and you readers will decide, {Túlio X reader} will be a relationship between enemies to lovers and {Miguel X reader} will be friends to lovers. You who will decide, remembering that if there is any error, you can correct me. Good reading 🤗.

°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•

It was just another normal day in Barcelona, Spain in 1519, and things weren't looking too good in the city, especially for Isaac, or rather Y/n. As we all know, we were still in the 16th century where theft and machismo were still commonplace. Y/n wasn't like the other women who accepted this quietly and whose only job was to serve her husband and look after the house. She liked to be free and not depend on anyone, earned her own money by disguising herself as a man to work on an export ship, it was her only way of earning money since women weren't allowed in jobs and especially jobs like these. She had to be a man to work and a woman to walk around quietly when she weren't working.

Today you'd find yourself at the market in the center of town, buying your things with the money you'd earned through your efforts, luckily in the eyes of others it was your "husband's" money.

You were at the fruit stand choosing apples to buy and take home, until a man bumped into you by "accident," he was thin, tall, wearing a blue shirt, his black hair was tied up in a ponytail:

“Sorry, Señorita.” The man said as soon as he bumped into her and continued on his way in a hurry.

You were a clever woman, and the way he bumped into you in such a hurry made you suspect what he was about. You quickly put your hand in the pocket of your dress where your money bag and your diary should have been, which was one of your most precious possessions, and unfortunately they were no longer there, the only thing that went through your mind was that you had been robbed by that man. It wasn't going to stay that way, you wasn't going to lose the money who had fought to get and the diary that belonged to your father:

“Hey! Come back here!”

You spoke to the thin man and he accelerated his steps. You had no choice but to go after him, passing through the crowd of people and not letting him out of your sight. As soon as you were out of the crowd, he started running and you ran after him. The brunette didn't expect you to react, after all he thought you were like all the women he'd stolen, little did he know that he'd messed with the wrong woman.

You kept running after him, turning corners and entering the streets where he passed, there was no point in calling the guards since there were none around, only the people around, but you knew that if you asked for help no one would help.

The thief had an idea to lose her. As soon as he turned the corner, he knocked over the barrel of fish when no one was watching, the ground was wet and sticky, as soon as you passed, you overbalanced because of the slippery ground, tried to hold on to the other barrel so as not to fall, but failed, the barrel containing dead fish spilled on you and making you slipped on the ground and fell. Luckily, no one was around, not even the vendor responsible for delivering the fish, the poor woman was all wet and stinking of dead fish. The thief watched the whole scene from seated on top of the wall and laughed:

“I wouldn't want to be in your shoes, lady. Looks like someone's going to have to pay for that...” The skinny brunette laughed and teased you by showing you the bag of money he had stolen in his hand. “...and you need a bath too.” He added, grimacing.

“You little fucking thief! You'll be dead when I get my hands on you!” She tried to get up, but slipped once again, drawing laughter from the man.

“Wow, I'm scared to death of a girl who stinks of fish.” He sneered as he analyzed the old diary in his hands.

“At least give that notebook back.” Y/n said angrily.

“There must be something very important in there for you to run after me and dirty yourself with dead fish over a notebook...”

He smiled and put the notebook in his pocket:

“Adiós.” He jumped over the other side of the wall, taking your notebook and your money.

You finally managed to get up, cursing that damned thief, you'd try to catch him next time, that's for sure. You were angry not only because you had lost your money but also your father's diary, in that diary there was a lot of information about the legendary city of El Dorado, your father was obsessed with finding that city and when you were little, before he died he gave you that diary, which has now been lost by that thief...

You were upset with yourself for that. As soon as got up, you quickly left the place before the vendor saw that you were responsible for the mess and made you pay dearly for it, probably more than half your salary for those fish.

Luckily, your house was nearby. On the way there, there were murmurs, ugly looks and disgusted faces about you, after all, you stank and looked awful. When got home, you immediately took a shower to get rid of the smell. While was showering, you cried with anger and sadness, but you tried to stay in a good mood, because you was going to work that afternoon. It probably wouldn't be so easy to get rid of that fishy smell...

~ {Pov} Tulio:

I couldn't stop laughing as I remembered that girl's fall after stealing from her, she was such a fool to think she could catch up with me. I went over to Miguel who was attracting the others to our bets, the blond was playing his mandolin to attract more people, he immediately stopped and his attention went to me when I arrived:

“Where were you? Did you get anything?” He asked and I handed him the girl's money bag and the diary. “Wait a minute, why the diary?”

“I don't know, I just stole it from a girl and it looked like something really valuable to her, maybe there's something in there.”

I know Miguel is curious, so he put the diary in his pocket and put the girl's coins in the pile of money on the floor:

“Why are you keeping that?” I asked.

“As you said, there must be something important, it's not every day that a girl can read or write.”

“I think it's a waste of time reading that witch's diary... It's probably just girly stuff.”

I helped him attract more people, we had a lot of money from the bets, and all thanks to our addicted data. Before Miguel could open that girl's old diary to read what was in it, three men came up and decided to bet, but in exchange for money it would be for the map of El Dorado. They're seriously going to bet on a map of a city that doesn't even exist!? Miguel soon became very excited about this, he always wanted to live an adventure and believed in these legends. Before I could say "no" to their offer, Miguel pulled me close to him to take a closer look at the map:

“Just a moment, gentlemen...” I said and joined the blond, analyzing the map with him.

“Tulio, look... El dorado! the city of gold... it could be our destiny! Our future!”

“If I believed in destiny, we wouldn't be playing with loaded dice!” I whispered to him, of course I thought this idea was ridiculous, I wasn't going to give up everything because of a map. Miguel made that sad dog face at me. “Don't make that face! No! No...”

“So, do we have a deal?” The man asked and Miguel kept looking at me with that face, I can't believe I'm going to do this...

“All right, let's start.” I started to shake the dice to play, there was no way we could lose that bet with our dice, but the man interrupted me.

“Wait, not with those, this time we use my dice...” Miguel, you pay me... “Got a problem with them?”

He showed us his dice. I had no choice but to accept or else they would suspect that our dice was loaded. I took the dice from him and turned to Miguel, making that sign by putting my index finger to my throat:

“I'll kill you!” I muttered between my teeth to him. He kept smiling and went back to playing his mandolin.

“That come on baby, papa need that crappy map” I said to myself as I shook the dice and blew a little for good luck. “Come on... Show me seven...”

I threw the dice that rolled across the floor, hoping to get the number I asked for. The first dice landed on four and the third on three:

“Seven!” Miguel and I celebrated happily, Miguel picked up the map and I bent down to pick up the money that was on the floor. “Well, nice doing business with you...”

My dice fell to the ground, giving the number seven. The man picked up the dice and threw them several times, but they gave the same number:

“I knew it!” the man exclaimed angrily and everyone looked at us suspiciously and angrily. “Your dice was loaded!”

Now was the time... I have to play the game. I held your mandolin, stopping it from playing and looked at Miguel:

“What?! You give me a loaded dice?!”

“You dare to impune my honor!?” Miguel got into acting, Also pretending. “The dice was yours! You were the one cheating and stealing from those men!”

The guards were close, Miguel grabbed the sword of one of the guards and I did the same, then we started to fake a sword fight, fortunately everyone was believing, it was a good opportunity for us to escape from that situation.

~ {Pov} Y/n:

I was at work, pretending to be a man and loading the export food onto General Cortés's ship, which was going on a trip in search of El Dorado as well. Fortunately, I was going on this trip to take care of the ship's cargo, at least one trip to make up for the horrible day I'd had. But now I have to be as careful as possible or I'll be discovered, since I'll be around men twenty-four hours a day... My back was already starting to ache from this, so I stopped for a while to stretch until one of the men called out to me:

“Are you tired yet, Isaac?” That was my male alias, sometimes it's hard to get used to being called by that name. “I need help with the apples.”

He pointed to the large basket of apples. Holy shit...

“Sure, I'll be right there.” I smiled and forced my voice to sound more masculine.

I helped him carry the big basket and we put it on top of the two barrels that were on the lower deck of the ship:

“That's all for today, we're leaving now.”

He spoke punching me on the shoulder and left the deck. As soon as he had left me alone there, I lay down on the wooden floor, tired, and took a deep breath. I felt the ship moving, we were leaving now and starting our journey. As I was going to be on deck for a long time, I decided to take a break and sleep, after all, I deserve a bit of rest.

I kept thinking about the diary that had been stolen, of course I know a lot of things in that diary from having read it so many times, but it was something of value to me, it was my father's. I felt quite down when I remembered that diary. I was looking forward to it too, after all I would get to see the city of gold, but something was bothering me, something was telling me that I didn't want it to be this way... I felt my eyelids getting heavy and the tiredness getting stronger, and it wasn't long before I fell asleep.

*****

I woke up a little lost in time, wondering how long I had slept, sat up stretching my back and yawning, until my attention went to two voices on the deck.

“One... two... three...”

“One... two... three...”

I don't recognize anyone with those voices, and they were inside the deck, but how? If I'm the only one here:

“Let's go again... one... two... three!”

The voices were coming from the two barrels, and I worried that they might be thieves who had sneaked onto the ship. I got my sword ready and went over to the barrels that were being covered by the apple box, they were trying to get out, but the big heavy box was preventing them from doing so... I was curious to know who they were, anyway I was going to report them to the captain and the general.

I helped, taking the heavy box off the barrels with a lot of effort. Hell, I've never picked up something so heavy... as soon as I did, two men pushed the lid off the barrels and came out, immediately startled to see me. I pulled out my sword and pointed it at them, the first man was a blond man with medium hair wearing a red shirt, the second man... my eyes went wide, I immediately recognized him, he was the man who robbed me!

To be continued...

[phoenixeclipse-lmkau]

So uh, I realise I wrote too much again, so like, I don't expect the questions to be answered, I just think in questions and what ifs. I don't expect the questions to be answered at all just go for a general respond to the vibes if u want.

I think you should have Reader go back to her world and the duo try and go after her.

According to JTTW isn't the world in the palm of Buddha or something? Would Reader's world be in the future or an alternate world/palm?

I'm just imagining after they go through all their adventures and grow and mature as people[monkies?], they should get a power of friendship[romance] power boost to go to Reader's world and immediately cause chaos there, with all the drama that is involved.

What would they think about everyone knowing so much about them? Is there a heavenly realm/court thingy they can ransack, so we can have shenanigans of two heavenly courts fighting the duo and each other on what to do regarding the situation?

How would the duo react to meeting Reader's family? Would there be a Sun Wukong and Macaque in Reader's world? How would they react to the Cursed Warlords duo?

What if Reader goes home with them still cursed instead?

Imagine Reader being separated from them because as far as anyone knows, these are wild animals that should live in a zoo or something.

Nobody would believe that the monkeys came from another world, they would just wonder how Reader managed to steal 2 monkey cubs from their parents and habitat most likely across country lines

People probably think Reader is an abusive, cruel, ignorant asshole who probably got them from a poacher or something.

Can u imagine the amount of harassment, hate and vitriol Reader would get, and the monkeys would witness?

And they would only see a bunch of humans, targeting the one human who no matter what tried their best to keep them safe, saying that Reader is a horrible person that they will "save" them from, only to be shoved into tiny cages[carriers] only to be taken into a prison where they are stared at 24/7 with flashing lights from all sides with no privacy[zoo], forced to eat pellets while reader would probably starve before letting them go hungry[fruit has been bred to have too much sugar that it gives animals cavities so zoos don't use them], being manhandled by strangers poking random things into them[vets giving check-up and bloodwork]?

Imagine if they broke their curse after experiencing all of that, oh their reaction to everything:

monkey duo: "ok, there is no way we will leave Reader here, court-napping kidnapping 'rescue' reader plan is a go!"

reader, who only saw them as cubs and was imprisoned shortly after they were separated: "Who tf are you???? Why do these two monkey demons act like they know me??? How did they even get here??? WAIT WHY AM I BEING TAKEN BACK??? WHAT ABOUT THE CUBS?? are these the cubs parents??"

monkey duo, touched that reader still remembers to think about them after all this kerfuffle:"… ok we are definitely going to marry reader, gonna have to shift plans to move it up the schedule"

This had me absolutely busting a gut as I was reading it. The idea would be something that would be fun to play with for sure.

I don’t think that I’ll have them go to her world this early in the Au, but eventually they’ll probably go there because they don’t like her being anywhere that isn’t with them. Well other than Flower Fruit Mountain, as they believe that she is safest there. (Haven’t decided when they actually go to her world yet, or if they’ll go there quietly or if they’ll bust into the place or not)

Now for Reader’s World, I realize it’s something I haven’t really mentioned before. Reader’s world is a modern world, one that doesn’t have demons or monsters lurking around every corner. My thought is it’s just like Earth in this way. I like the idea of Reader’s world being one that isn’t on Buddha’s palm at all, in fact it’s a world that should be impossible for her to leave or travel to. However due to a specific magic that flows through her, she is able to get pulled to and from her world. What magic? Honestly haven’t decided on that yet. But the only way she can control it is with magical artifacts, her magic simply powering the artifact and guiding it to the right dimension. She and two other people are the only ones who can even do this properly, even if her own is a complete accident usage every time.

No there isn’t a Sun Wukong and Macaque in her world. That would be funny true, but with her world being a modern one I don’t feel like it fits.

My thoughts on Reader traveling between the worlds, hehe~ Let’s just say I’ve got a few fun plans for that. Especially when the Monkey Duo can’t do anything about it (At least not for a while). 👀 Heck due to the nature of Reader’s nullification to magic, Macaque can’t even just know when she arrives in their world. They will get rather desperate to get her back on more than one occasion. HA! I am going to make them work for this girl! They want her, they will have to work / fight for her. Though the fighting comes like second nature to them, heck more than second nature to them actually.

On the topic of marriage though, Wukong and Macaque think more along the lines of courting. They just want to court-nap her and mate with her and then she would be their wife by Demon standards. So they won’t really think to have an actual wedding… at least not until they learn about that human custom.

I loved your ideas btw, thank you so much for sharing them with me ❤️

As always if anyone else has any other ideas, then send them my way! I love to hear everyone’s thoughts. Such as this Anon’s who had me laughing so hard I swear my stomach hurt from it.

Just thinking about the monkey duo being put into a zoo was hilarious. The absolute rage Wukong would feel would be something to behold, including the fact that he’d probably tear down the zoo if the curse vanished while he was in it. Reader would be all worried about your monkeys trying to figure out how to free them when suddenly there’s some sort of fire happening at the zoo they were brought to. You would probably fear for the worst.

Until two monkey demons probably enter through your window, ready to take their darling back home.

“How…” Reader gasps as you stared into beautiful golden eyes that stared at you with a love stuck smile.

“Hello Reader~ Are you ready to go home?” Wukong mutters, his tail swaying back and forth like that of a cat.

“Who are you!?” you want to run. The demon in front of you is covered in blood and walking towards you at a rather quick pace, too quick.

“Now, now. We can’t have you running,” Another demon mutters as arms wrap around your waist, seemly out of no where.

Turning you are about to yell when you notice a set of three ears on each side of his head. Immediately your thoughts going to your little monkey cubs as she's picked up effortlessly.

"Ahh! Let me go! Who the heck are you!? Are you Plum and Peaches parents? Is that why you're here? I swear I don't have them, they- they're trapped at the zoo... I didn't do anything to them-" you would get cut off rather quickly.

"Shh, shh we know. We know that you didn't do anything other than care for them. Gotta say being called Plum for months was strange but can't say I hated it," Macaque would whisper in your ear.

As this is revealed to you, a sense of terror washes over you. Slowly you find yourself turning to look at the other monkey demon in the room. The similarities were so distinctive and they were right in your face. You couldn't deny it now.

"Now, let's get you back home. We aren't going to leave you for this stupid world to take care of you. No, they can't take care of you like we can," Wukong mutters, nuzzling his face against your cheek.

You can try to get out of their hold all you like, but you won't succeed with these two. They love you too much to let you go now. You sealed your fate the moment you gave them food, if I'm being honest. Especially with what the zoo tried to feed them.

[cassandrasimplex]

Listen, when I say, as an abuse survivor, that Astarion's storyline is written with care, delicacy, and profound understanding: Since I completed it a few days ago, which I found incredibly cathartic and fulfilling due to points of commonality with the nature and causes of my CPTSD, I've been sleeping 7-8 hours a night straight through (instead of 3-5 at a time), my resting heart rate has dropped almost 10 beats per minute, I've had zero nightmares (based not just on what I remember but also on how much I move and talk in my sleep), and my fitness tracker wants to know what I've been doing different lately and whether I can keep it up.

I don't expect this change to be permanent or even long-lasting, but not even months of therapy at a time have ever had a positive effect so strong my tracker picked up on it. Not even when I was in crisis mode and only able to sleep 2 or 3 hours a day was therapy able to improve my sleep and my well-being so immediately. Astarion's storyline from finding Cazador's prisoners to the final confrontation, which took me a bit over an hour, did. If you want to count all the narrative build-up to that climax that gave it meaning, call it six weeks' investment for such a dramatic improvement.

The idea that trauma-aware roleplay can help people with PTSD and especially CPTSD find short-term peace and even a long-term improvement in overall functioning and mental health isn't new to me. I stumbled across it on my own, unguided, 30+ years ago. It's a bit newer to most therapists, but it's an approach used in experiential therapy and some related strategies and had been studied for much longer before its incorporation in such toolkits. But BG3 isn't being sold as therapy; it's being sold as a fun video game to play in one's free time.

The thing about CPTSD and recovery from abuse in general is that you have to practice new ways of reacting to the world. Therapies like cognitive behavior therapy focus on helping the patient replace old, maladaptive patterns of thinking that helped them survive a traumatic situation but hinder functioning in safer environments with intentionally-created ones that would have been too dangerous to practice in the traumatic environment but are healthier and more supportive outside it. These patterns have to be practiced, though; it's not enough to just correct yourself once with a more affirming statement and wait for results. You have to do it over and over until it becomes your new default. And results matter. If practicing the new behavior or thought results in the kind of negative outcome it would have prompted in the original abusive situation, the effect is that the old, maladaptive pattern is reinforced instead: "See? I knew acting that way would be too dangerous. I knew thinking that way would just be lying to myself. I already know what's best. The way I've always behaved in order to survive is what serves to keep me safe."

Which is why Astarion's storyline is both so effective and so astonishingly well done. Over and over, you get the chance to reassure him that your friendship is not merely a set of opportunistic transactions, that you don't want to control him, that you see him as a person rather than a puppet or a tool, that he can refuse to manage your feelings for you or even outright hurt your feelings without being "punished" for it. You can comment out loud to him when you catch him being manipulative and tell him that's not how your friendship works while still accepting and supporting him as a person, as a friend. You can make your friendship with him an environment completely opposite in nature to his relationship with his abuser. You can teach him -- and, if you need it, yourself -- what a safe environment looks like. And you can teach him that his abuser's behavior was successful in an environment created specifically to reserve all power for the abuser, but doesn't serve as well outside that situation, to encourage him to find healthier ways of dealing with the world than the ones that were modelled for him within that trauma. (Am I projecting? Of course I'm projecting; that's precisely what makes roleplay such an effective tool. It's a natural human tendency that can be used to advantage.)

And somewhere in your psyche, if you're a person who needs to hear all that as much as Astarion does, your mind is taking note: "How I thought the whole world works was wrong. Only that one little part of the world worked that way. The world is much bigger than the limited environment that hurt me. There are better ways to live and be." The parts of the brain where trauma plants its deepest roots can't tell the difference between play and reality, between past and present. They can't tell the difference between "I can make a safer environment for this person in front of me" and "I can go back in time and make a safer environment for the person I used to be." (That's why so many abuse survivors feel compelled to help other abuse survivors -- empathy, yes, and identification, but on a deeper level than that; we try to become the person who never showed up to help us.)

And if "this person in front of me" happens to be a fictional character, well, it can't really tell the difference between fiction and reality either -- especially when the fiction has a visible face and an audible voice and convincing expression in both.

I'm not in the slightest saying, "Go out and buy BG3 to fix yourself!" because using roleplay as therapy is far too highly personal and variable to expect consistent results from a script. There might be people whose trauma is reinforced by the same things that spoke so soothingly to mine. Larian is a video game company, not a therapist. But I can't get over the way a video game company for fuck's sake has created such a sensitive, tender, supportive story that it can even accidentally function this way. They didn't have to go so hard. They didn't have to lean so far into empathy. They didn't have to bring so much realism into it. They could have just told an interesting story. They did tell an interesting story -- but someone here decided they needed to tell it so well, so powerfully, that they were going to need to know exactly what living through events like those would do to a person, and how a friend would have to act to support that person in working toward happiness and health.

Well fucking done, Larian. Extremely well fucking done.

And although I can't reasonably expect the current effects to last, I can carry something lasting from here on; I can add "What would I say to Astarion right now?" to the list of questions I ask myself when triggered, when I realize I'm experiencing an implicit flashback. What would I say to Astarion? What would I say to a friend? What would I say to someone I care about who's been through the same things I have? What would I say to myself if I thought I deserved to be happy and free?

[iamnmbr3]

Just wanted to say that I like your Drarry meta posts. They have really given me a new appreciation for HBP and Draco and Harry's dynamic.

I just have a genuine question about your feelings on Harry.

Part of why Drarry began to leave a bad taste in my mouth was that I found book canon Harry to be very distasteful. He just seemed like a vindictive and unempathetic person. Even his remorse for almost killing Draco in book 6 was short lived and I think that same chapter ended with that awful Hinny kiss.

However, your posts seem to indicate a certain care for Draco. So where did this start? What made Harry transform from the guy who participated in group assaulting Draco end of book 4 & 5 to the guy who is trying to cover up Draco's tracks in book 6?

Thank you so much! Glad you've been enjoying my posts. That's so nice of you to say. I have enjoyed your meta as well btw!

This is a great question. I have a lot of thoughts. They are, of course, my personal interpretation and everyone is ultimately free to read things however they like.

The Context:

So first of all I think it's important to consider the larger context of this scene. Harry and Draco are in a fantastical and heightened setting. They are not simply classmates who don't like each other who got into a fight. They are at this point both soldiers on opposite sides of a war.

Draco is a Death Eater. His father has watched and jeered as Harry was tortured and nearly killed in a graveyard. Harry faced Lucius again in fifth year and fought him and is in fact to blame for Lucius's fall from grace and Draco's resultant punishment. Harry has been tasked with defeating Voldemort. Draco has been tasked with killing Dumbledore (though as a punishment not with the expectation that he will truly succeed). Harry knows that Draco is a Death Eater and believes he is tasked with doing something nefarious on behalf of Voldemort and is intent on stopping him.

This is the context of their fight. These are two people involved in a serious conflict on opposite sides actively striving against each other. This is not a simple spat between two classmates who don't like each other so we can't simply reduce it to that or we miss a lot of vital context. We can't judge it the way we would a fight between two people in a regular school who just don't like each other.

The Fight:

Now. As to the actual fight. Harry doesn't initiate it. He walks in on Draco crying and saying some incredibly incriminating stuff. Draco reacts in anger and humiliation and fear and attacks him. Harry responds in self defense and they use an escalating series of spells. Harry attempts Levicorpus for example which would stop Draco from continuing to attack him but certainly wouldn't hurt him even as much as a stunning spell would. And would, also, have allowed them to speak. Draco does quite a good job of holding his own against Harry and foils Harry's attempts to stop the fight. He then attempts in a moment of pain and anger to use an Unforgivable on Harry which Harry counters with Sectumsempra.

Harry has no idea what the Sectumsempra spell does when he uses it. It pops into his mind in a serious and potentially dangerous duel. Nothing in his education has really strongly impressed on him the risks of using untested spells. And none of the other Prince spells have been dangerous. Remember that originally he was planning to test the Sectumsempra spell on McLaggen. And he originally tested Leivcorpus on Ron. So he didn't know what the spell would do before he used it or view at something with the potential to be seriously hazardous.

He didn't do it out of vindictiveness. In fact, it's rather notable that while Harry can be vengeful he seems to have a particular aversion to hurting Draco even when you'd expect otherwise. Like in the beginning, despite the fact that Draco attacks him and breaks his nose and the fact that he already suspects him of being a Death Eater, Harry's anger towards him is surprisingly short lived and he never even thinks of doing anything to him to get even.

Harry's Reaction:

In my opinion, Harry actually has an extremely strong emotional reaction to nearly killing Draco. He is horrified by what he has done. To the point of a near panic attack. He is so upset that he freezes and just kind of collapses next to Draco.

And this is extremely atypical of Harry. Even in dire circumstances Harry is usually able to compartmentalize and keep a cool head and react well under pressure. Even in cases where he is to blame for the situation. When Ron starts dying from poison right in front of his eyes he is able to spring into action. When he realizes he's led his friends into a trap in book 5 he keeps calm and organizes a defense. When Hermione is being tortured in the Manor because they got captured due to Harry saying Voldemort's name he's able to keep calm and come up with a plan.

Also. Harry doesn't like to hurt people unnecessarily but he's still very formidable in combat and is actually quite willing to hurt people when he has to. He kills Quirrel without much regret and says later that he deserved what he got for helping Voldemort. He refuses to stun Stan Shunpike in book 7 because he is Imperiused but he stuns other Death Eaters even knowing they will likely fall to their deaths. Draco is a Death Eater working for Voldemort who has just attacked Harry.

Given his generally cool head under pressure and the fact that Draco is now an enemy on the other side of a war you might expect Harry to react calmly or even coldly to Draco's injury. But he doesn't at all. He can't think what to do. It's the only time we see him freeze up like that. His initial reaction is one of absolute horror. So much so that for once he can't even think of what to do:

Even after he sees that Draco has been healed and is no longer dying in front of him he can't tear his eyes away and is barely aware of his surroundings:

He's so upset he's literally shaking. And Harry has seen and suffered a lot of bad stuff. So that's saying a lot:

Harry is not someone who is good at expressing or even understanding his emotions. And especially with Draco it's difficult since he probably feels he should see Draco as more of an enemy than he actually does.

But I think his actions after this incident are very notable. Harry continues to believe that Draco is a Death Eater on a nefarious mission from Voldemort. And what he overheard Draco saying in the bathroom only further confirms this.

But after seeing Draco so scared and vulnerable and realizing that pursuing him brought them into a confrontation with each other where Harry ended up nearly killing him, Harry backs off completely.

He stops trying to discover and foil Draco's plan. He stops following him. Even though he is still convinced that Draco is involved in something dangerous he doesn't want to be the one to stop him. He doesn't want to be the cause of more fear or pain. Part of him probably also doesn't want to be the reason Draco is killed for failing.

Instead he distracts himself with other things. And it is in that context that he gets together with Ginny. After ditching her several times throughout the first part of the book to go chase after Draco instead, he gets together with her when he's trying to forget about Draco. Which uh. Sure was a choice on JKR's part.

So yeah I do think Harry actually was extremely affected by nearly killing Draco and regretted it a lot.

Book 4 & 5 fights:

As for the book 4 and 5 fights. Those are less serious but once again occur against the backdrop of being on opposite sides of the brewing war. In book 4 Harry is raw from the horrors of the graveyard and when Draco seeks him out and brings up Cedric he loses his temper as do the people he's with.

In book 5 Draco and co attempt to attack Harry to get revenge for Lucius's defeat and capture and Harry and some of his friends respond. (Draco eventually gets his revenge with the nose breaking incident in book 6).

Also we should remember these attacks occur in a world with magic where most injuries can be fixed instantaneously so they aren't as serious as they would be for one of us. These are, without a doubt, nasty incidents, but they are not one sided nor are they that surprising given the context.

Conclusion:

Drarry is, to me, a fascinating and deeply compelling ship because of how Draco and Harry are so compatible and drawn to each other despite their rivalry which evolves into them literally being on opposite sides of a war. And because of the themes of redemption and forgiveness that are implicit in the ship. With all the reasons they have to hate each other they never can, and when it counts, they always come through to protect each other.

[kitsuvil]

— plus one 【picturesque/ayato smau】

【 masterlist 】 there is a written portion here after the first 6 photos!!

“I know I said I'll cling onto you the whole event, but I didn't expect to actually be forced into doing that,” I grumbled as my grip on Ayato's tan suit jacket grew tighter. “It's so crowded…” Before I had the opportunity to react, my hand shifted away from the cloth texture and was replaced by the feeling of cool and gentle skin. “In that case, I believe holding my hand will prove to be more effective," Ayato chuckled. I highly doubt anything like that will make this more effective. If only a great technique to raise my heartbeat, but a heart attack is not what we're aiming for here. We weren't at the event early, but I wouldn't say we were late either, so the number of people already here was astonishing.

"Is there a corner with fewer people we can rest at?" I peeked out from behind Ayato's shoulder. "There should be. Come with me," he began to move forward through the crowd. I had no choice but to be dragged along, though it wasn't nearly as unpleasant as I had expected. He already knew his way around these events, so it made sense that I would look like a lost dog in comparison.

"I almost regret agreeing to come with you." A pout showed up on my face as we finally found an area against a wall that wasn't so densely populated. "Don't worry, it's only like this until everyone gets situated. However, if you want to leave early at any point, just let me know. This is a lot for someone's first time at an event like this." The smile on Ayato's face felt like honey, so much that it almost made me forget why I was overwhelmed in the first place. "I just have to remember everyone is here to bond over photography, and then I'm golden... I think."

"You think? Haha," Ayato chuckled, covering his face with his palm as if he was pretending he didn't find my misery funny. "Hey," my pout grew ever stronger. "It's okay. I understand. There were days when I thought the older photographers were going to maul me like a pack of aggressive bears. Of course, I was only in my late teens at the time. It takes experience, which is why I'm willing to let you hold my hand through this... There was nobody to hold mine when I was alone trying to pave my path through these crowds."

I stayed silent for a moment. There was plenty of time to ponder over his words later, but I couldn't help chewing my lip over them now. It was a reminder that he wasn't so different from me, regardless of our status or position in anything. We were both just photographers, and we happened to become friends, too.

"I remember when I first started taking my photography classes at the Uni. It wasn't too unlike what you're describing now. I was seated next to someone who worked so hard that I thought my brain was going to explode when I peeked at their computer screen."

"But isn't that similar to you now? Working so hard to create a photobook, pushing along through your classes, balancing everything your heart desires. I'm sure even [Name] from the past worked equally hard."

"Then it seems both of us are ever-growing and tweaking our skill," I turned my head to face Ayato instead of the various tables with food I was staring at in order to avoid making eye contact with the man next to me. "Why did you really take me here, instead of your sister or one of your friends?"

"What I already told you is true. I think it can open a lot of doors for you. It might be slightly selfish of me, but I want to make sure your goals are ones you can achieve. Because your future matters to me in that aspect."

Just as quickly as my mouth opened to respond and question Ayato further, it went closed again. There was a crowd of people heading over at full speed now that the event was finally settling into place. Perhaps now wasn't the right time for this conversation. I tried to back away and distance myself from Ayato as the people grew closer, afraid of getting in the way, but I didn't get far before I felt a tug on my hand. By 'not far', I meant not even a single step away.

"I thought you wanted someone to keep the anxieties at bay? Don't say a word about the people coming over, I'll handle them. You only need to listen and stick close, [Name]." Ayato's hand was closed on mine, squeezing it so that I couldn't leave, and the smile on his face never faltered. Neither did his attempt at pulling me closer towards him. So he was serious. Right. The whole reason for me being here was to become comfortable with this community, so it makes sense for me to stick around.

But why was he so painfully insistent, and why was his grip on my hand so comforting, and why did his cologne smell as nice as it did? Why did his voice echo through my skull like smooth water running down a creek? Why was his proximity to me like a warm blanket on a winter night, even when he was the one who pulled me so close when I tried to step away?

"So you all have been gossiping about who I choose to bring to my events like it's any of your business? However, if your interest longs to be satiated so strongly, this is a close friend of mine who is working on diving into the photography world. Treat them with as much respect as you would with me." Ayato was beside me, but for most of this interaction, it sounded like he was miles away. To jump into something as large as this, I felt both thrilled and privileged. But I couldn't swallow the lump in my throat that was fear of too much eyes on me, anxiety that my talent wasn't good enough to even be here.

"Would you like some refreshments? We have sparkling wine, as well as tomato sandwiches personally made by our gourmet chef." The staff member brought my attention back to reality as they offered me a few treats from a platter. "I'm alright, but thank you." I shook off any remaining negative thoughts that were floating around with a deep breath. That was when I realized half of the eyes around us that I originally thought were staring at us with critique and judgment were actually giving looks of bewilderment, almost like they were admiring gazes.

"Don't they look like a power couple?" Two nearby women's conversation faded in through my ears. "I see it. The way Mr. Kamisato is holding their hand... There's no way they're not a couple, right?"

Okay. Maybe not the conversation I want to be eavesdropping on. I tried to grab my hand and shake it away from Ayato's, but it was to no avail. "Is there something wrong?" He looked back at me after waving away a photographer I recognized as the creator of one of the photobooks I had at home, sitting in my dorm room. "No, I guess not... Just how high popularity are some of these people?..." I mumbled. "I think the fact I'm here says enough," Ayato silently laughed, regaining his posture quickly after.

"Can't believe I forgot you're the infamous Kamisato Ayato, pfft," I laughed as some of the pressure dropped off my shoulders. "Only to the majority of people here. To you, I'm just Ayato."

Maybe it wouldn't be too much of a pain to get used to this.

— ruptured appendix situation still going strong but i had to bust out this chapter LOL hopefully the written portion serves as a little treat bc i'm gonna cry myself to sleep if nobody likes it /j, i love it and that's all that matters. ayato is so hot.

— taglist; @griseoo @fangygf @calamitygutz @driftwoodmanor @meigalaxy @kyon-cherri @xiaossocksniffer @quacking-simp @kaitfae @imgayandshesanime @lxry-chxn @ni-ki-ismyluv @cante-lope @kookiibun @kamisatoyato @astolary @dontmindtheevie @sn1perz @0range-juiceee @h3xi2g0n3 @eutopiastar @samyayaya

[shinshandholder]

i think way too often about nicky's conversation with neil about love ("exy can't hold you up, and it won't make you a stronger or better person. sooner or later you're going to have to let someone in".) and how it's relevant at so many points of the trilogy, how it ties to neil's fears and how it always leads him to andrew. there are so many instances of it… just to name a few:

when neil is telling andrew about his past (kind of), and andrew takes it like a champ: "neil didn't know how to feel about that. he should be relieved, because it meant andrew might be done asking him questions, but it went deeper than that. he wondered for a moment if andrew could handle the entire truth so calmly, but that was too dangerous and stupid to consider".

after neil accepts andrew's offer to protect him: "andrew didn't bulge beneath his weight. he was something solid to lean against, something violent and fierce and unmoving. neil couldn't remember what it felt like to have someone hold him up. it was terrifying and liberating all at once".

after the conversation with nicky: "neil wouldn't wish his mess on anyone else. except he'd already started sharing that burden, albeit unwillingly. he'd divided his secrets between kevin and andrew. kevin reacted the way neil expected everyone would to the truth: with a horrified demand that neil leave immediately. andrew, though, nodded in the face of it and told neil to stay. he stood his ground when neil asked him for murder and gave him a key to their house".

when he opens up about his past AND SHOWS HIM HIS SCARS. "with so many people watching, neil couldn't lift his shirt. he did the next best thing and dragged one of andrew's hands under the hem. he pressed andrew's palm to the ugly scarring across his abdomen."

when he picks up andrew from rehab: "they'd been apart for seven weeks but neil keenly remembered why he'd stayed. he remembered this unyielding, unquestioning weight that could hold him and all of his problems up without breaking a sweat. for the first time in months he could finally breathe again. it was such a relief it was frightening; neil hadn't meant to lean on andrew so much."

when his reaction to the conversation with wymack about being captain is to call andrew: "neil felt a half-second from losing his mind, but then andrew said his name and neil's thoughts ground to a startled halt. he was belatedly aware of his hand at his ear and his finger clenched tight around his phone. he didn't remember pulling it from his pocket or making the decisino to dial out."

JUST. "it's always been 'lie' and 'hide' and 'disappear'. i've never belonged anywhere or had the right to call anything my own. but coach gave me keys to the court, and you told me to stay. you gave me a key and called it home."

"letting someone in meant trusting them not to stab me in the back when terrible people came looking for me. i was too afraid to risk it, so it was easier to be alone and not think about it. but i trust you".

when they're making out and andrew lets him put his hands on his hair: "it wasn't much, but it was a desperate relief having something to hold onto. maybe that low rush in his gut was from being trusted enough to reach out at all".

the fact that he stopped running away and realized he wanted to be someone who stays and fights for his loved ones. "I didn't say anything then because I knew I'd look out for only me when the world went to hell. I don't want to be that person anymore. I want to go back for you."

[transparentbeardmentality]

People on twitter finally figuring out what @dekacchannn has been saying forever:

Bakugo is connected to OFA.

Yah! He can see All Might's vestige! He has OFA stars in his eyes!!!

....

Now for my interpretation and speculation that I don't see anyone talking about...

Bakugo freaking KNEW he was tapping bits of OFA WAY before the battle. That's why he's not at all surprised to see the AM vestige, and just says "Oh. Right.."

It perfectly explains why at UA again, he is looking so uncomfortable, sweating bullets, explaining his new (saving Izuku unlocked) move to Izuku/Deku. He's not just sweating because that's his thing. He never just sweats in battle like that!

Sweating bullets gets used a lot to convey intense/awkward discomfort. I think he was panicked about breaching the topic of OFA power up! But Izuku totally blanked him... Bakugo didn't really wanna have this confusing conversation to start with (but I believe he was trying to broach it anyway). So when Izuku doesn't respond openly, he drops it immediately.

Like Deku, he withheld important information about how he unlocked it -and what it means- because their relationship feels like a fragile, intense mess. It's way too important for him to jeapordise.

Bakugo was very insecure and afraid here!

And I don't think Bakugo knows what to make of the OFA thing, or do about it. Izuku clearly has no idea, or he'd say something, right? He had an opening, and nothing?

He knows his feelings for Izuku are intense.. Everybody does. But the well goes deeper, or he wouldn't be afraid to talk about something so important, involving feelings he's already revealed.

I totally agree with theories that it's a love connection, not a reminant of a non-manga movie -even if some crossover characters appear. There's no way Horikoshi doesn't want his beloved manga to stand on its own.

And his beloved manga talks about people being in love, what's in their hearts, feeling like dying without their person, overwhelming emotions bending rules, and Deku's control your heart (over Bakugo) plotline.

I also wonder if the reason Bakugo reacted so strongly to Deku holding his hand out to Aoyama is because it was symbolic of Deku lending his strength (and compassion) to him. Bakugo may have worked out that his OFA connection works, because in some way, honorable Deku has had his hand extended to him -for as long as he can remember. Because that's what Deku does. Deku is a saint. And maybe OFA is an extension of that for him.

I think that OFA connection strengthened too, when Bakugo learned how DEEP that part of Deku went for him.

He cannot dismiss Deku's feelings as him being a bleeding heart over every person when Shigaraki is telling him that for Deku, he is 'The' person -and is bent on killing him because of it! That's shocking (also terrifying) information.

Remember Bakugo said he didn't expect the apology to change anything between them, but Shig knowing about 💚Bakugo💚 means he was unmistakeably Deku's closest person, before he even apologised!

Bakugo feels so much for Izuku, but thought he had to start mending things to even be considered a real friend... Especially since Deku has so many friends and close people! He just saw them all pour out their deep affections to bring him home to UA. He does not think he is special.

But Izuku has a secret! (At least from Bakugo, no one else could possibly be confused at this point.)

So Shigaraki taunts Bakugo for falling behind Deku. He's just a minnow. But all he can focus on is something to the effect of -'Holy shit. He loves me. He loves me.. I need him to know that I-.. I need to live up to him! Izuku...'

The secret feelings reveal made him brave and honest with his own heart. There's nothing left but longing to be worthy of him, and be with him. He makes his last stand for him. And in the end, he reaches out for Izuku too -even though Izuku is not there with his own hand this time.

And this is when we first see the AFO stars are in his eyes. He does reach him. Or at least their connection. And that's why we see All Might, and why Bakugo is not surprised. But Bakugo seems resigned as though it's too late. He's already reminiscing.. But I believe All Might is going tell him it's not over. That he has to save Young Midoriya, and how.

What else could he possibly be there to say?

I can't wait for Izuku to find about Kacchan being OFA love-bonded to him.

[vanrouchu]

second take

If the first take doesn't come out as expected, it's time to cut the cameras and create a second one.

— Deren x Reader

If Deren were to add one more regret to her long list of missed chances, then perhaps it would be the fact that she went out of her way to attend a premiere of a highly anticipated film featuring famous actors in the industry. The bright lights, the cameras flashing at her, and the countless journalists that tried to chase her down weren't the reason why she came to regret it.

No, it was something else—something that she thought she wanted until her eyes caught sight of it.

It's been years since she last tried creating a film. It's been years since she saw a familiar face who she thought would be the star of every film she would make. Bold words that turned into nothing but a source of disappointment when she left the scene, leaving behind a broken heart and a chance she chose to forsake.

Seeing you thrive in a place like this—strutting down the red carpet with a smile on your face, a demeanor meant to be captured in cameras—she should be happy that you turned out to be more fortunate after parting ways.

But she wasn't. If anything, she hated how it left a bitter taste on her tongue.

A moment of reprieve from the flashing lights and cameras. A space with just the two of you as if fate decided to toy with her. She cleared her throat, feeling a little stuffy at the tension that hung in the air. Regret came to her at that moment; she didn't know how to react in this kind of situation, especially when her plan was to gaze from afar.

“You seem well.” Deren paused, trying to think of something to add. “I'm looking forward to the movie. I heard that it's your best one yet.”

Silence followed. She couldn't help but wonder if it would've been better if she stayed quiet.

“It seems that way to other people.” You played with the hem of your clothes. “I don't think so, though.”

“Hmm…” She couldn't think of a response. How would she go about picking up broken pieces of glass and trying to piece them back together? “Then what would you consider your best?”

Another pause. Deren held her breath, a bead of sweat rolling down the back of her neck as she waited in anticipation for your answer—if you even decided to answer at all.

“It was when I worked with a director years ago. She managed to capture my heart with her work and she promised to make me the star of her movies.” Her eyes widened, not expecting your words. “Though that's all in the past now. Nothing but a memory that I remember.”

It was right in front of her. Shards of a bond that she carelessly broke, scattered. Only an idiot would try to pick up the sharp edges with their bare hands. Deren would willingly give herself bloody fingers if it meant she could salvage what was left.

“... Do you want to star in a film I'm making?” There was a smile on her face that held expectations. Perhaps she was arrogant and conceited for asking this sort of question given her history with you but at the same time, she knew you the best. “I can guarantee you that I'll treat you better than the director you talked about. You'll be more satisfied, too.”

“... There you go again with your bold words. Haven't you learned your lesson?” You furrowed your eyebrows, staring at the hand Deren extended towards you. Only an idiot would take those bloody hands that tried so hard to put back what was broken.

“Have you?”

Then, a defeated smile before your fingertips touched her hand. “I suppose not.”