#and i saw 'bi people are attracted to different genders in different ways'

[halfdeadfriedrice]

it's pride month so i'm promoting lgbtq+ learning at work! what does this mean? someone sent me a suggestion that the training we were promoting had inaccurate descriptions of bi/pan sexuality, I dipped my toe back into the discourse of how those are defined, remembered "it's the same fucking thing" and then changed nothing

[genderkoolaid]

Hello! Non binary here. I'm trying to genuinely understand how saying bi lesbians are a thing are not harmful to the trans, lesbian and bi community. I saw some of the bi lesbians history and this label seems to be something they used to say to identify that they felt mostly attraction to women but could eventually like a man / people that liked men in the past but now go as lesbians. On the first example, Isn't it just bisexuality with a preference to women? and in the second, lesbians with comphet. I understand the need to use those labels in the past, but now it seems harmful to use bi lesbian because lesbians are not attracted men and bisexuals are not lesbians. I have also seen that the use of bi lesbian was a reactionary push to the TERF movement of excluding men from queer spaces as in a way to "purify" women

While someone in either of the groups you described might identify as a bi lesbian, that is certainly not the extent of bi lesbianism.

I think the problem emerges for many people because they are viewing the definitions of queer terms as objective descriptions we discovered. From this perspective, people used to use lesbian in a more expansive sense essentially because they didn't know any better. But I dislike that; our foreparents were not identifying how they did because they didn't know better, their constructions of gender and sexuality are just as valid. And it's important to understand why those definitions formed instead of going “well it's different now so stop it.”

I'm not sure if you are saying you've heard TERFs came up with the term bi lesbian. I wouldn't be surprised, since it's a fairly common rumor. But it's very wrong. To give a very general history, “bi lesbian” came about to describe people who identified with lesbianism– in the sense that they identified with being queer, having some personal relationship with womanhood and loved or desired women– who also were multisexual in some way. “Lesbian” emphasized your love/desire for women as an important part of your identity, and “bisexual” gave nuance to that, creating visibility for bi people within the community. The outrage against bi lesbians came from the same source as the hatred for trans lesbians (of all kinds): radical feminist beliefs in political lesbianism, the insistence that being a lesbian is a political choice to end all personal relationships with men & manhood.

The idea that “lesbians, universally, aren't attracted to men” largely comes out of this shift. You cannot separate the idea that “bi lesbians” don't/shouldn't exist and the legacy of transphobic radical feminism which encourage black-and-white thinking and hostility towards Bad Queers who dared to love or desire men, be men, dress like men, or fuck like men (anything from BDSM to using a strap-on). This divide is artificial and we do not need to just accept it. Bi lesbians are not the source of harm, the ideology that insists on their exclusion is. On top of this, in many physical queer communities bi lesbians & other people with complicated identities are very easily accepted; the idea that it's somehow impossible for these identities to be safely normalized is just queer conservatism.

There are many reasons someone might enjoy the bi lesbian label: personally, I'm multigender and using a single sexuality label doesn't accurately express my sexuality. A lot of times I see people who counter reasons for bi lesbian identity by saying “but that's just being a lesbian/bisexual!” which is another product of this black-and-white thinking. The idea that someone else with a similar experience using a different label than you– or someone with a different experience using the same label– is somehow a threat to your identity is very reminiscent of the way radical feminism relies on patriarchal ideas that everyone in a gender group must self-police that group to ensure homogeneity. Someone with a totally “normal” bisexual experience may still identify as a bi lesbian, or use both bisexual and lesbian in varying contexts, because they feel it accurately expresses their personal sexuality & relationship to queer communities.

There's famously an Alison Bechdel strip about a character being a bi lesbian, but I think my favorite piece of bi lesbian art is this poem by Dajenya. It's a very defiant and wholehearted response to anti-bi-lesbian sentiment and how it harms people within the community far more than bi lesbian identity does. this site is a collection of primary resources on bi lesbianism, including a few interviews from bi lesbians which might be helpful for you.

[sea-lanterns]

Hello, I recently sent you an ask about Ningguang lately, only to find out that you blocked me. Why is that ? Did I say something wrong ? My username was sneepywhoopy

TW: Mentions of transphobia, serious post

Saying this now, I was not obligated to respond to this, but I feel as if you deserve to know why I blocked you for your posts. I usually just block people and keep them blocked while ignoring them, but if you are willing to hear out why I blocked you for your posts, here’s why:

Honestly, your preference to not sleep with trans women is fine. Thats your personal preference as long as you don’t be rude about it, I understand that much.

But I quickly sifted through your recent posts and saw you reblogged stuff like how lesbians can’t be attracted to trans women and that they had to be bi if they were attracted to trans women. First of all, that’s invalidating trans women even though you claim yourself to be an ally. Reducing them to just the sex they were assigned to is not what being a trans ally is, and it honestly made me super uncomfortable to see someone on my blog who thinks that way, when this blog is a sapphic community for all women!

You can be a part of the LGBTQ+ community and transphobic at the same time, being lesbian, gay, bi, etc. does not give you a free pass to exclude trans people in the community. You don’t want to sleep with/are not attracted to trans women? Fine. That’s your personal preference. But to reblog stuff that say all lesbians are not attracted to trans women is invalidating not only trans women, but the identity of lesbians themselves.

Lesbians can be attracted to trans women because they are women. Simple as that. Straight men can also be attracted to trans women because they are women. Simple as that. I’m sorry if you don’t agree with my opinions, especially since I am not a lesbian myself (I am pan). But honestly? A trans woman is just a woman to me and I see no difference when I find myself attracted to them.

I’m sorry that you don’t feel the same way but this is how I feel concerning the situation. I don’t want someone in my aquarium who invalidates the gender of my fishies via the excuse of same sex attraction, because I honestly think it’s stupid to reduce someone to just their sex when the whole point of being attracted to someone is liking them for who they are, not for who they used to be.

If you like women only and are attracted to trans women, that is 100% valid. Who am I to tell you what your sexuality is? Your sexuality is yours to confirm.

This is why I blocked you. Those posts you reblogged made me super uncomfortable and irritated me, so I hope you understand why I don’t tolerate this kind of mindset in my aquarium.

[nayatarot777]

💗 how do you make them feel? 💗 ~ pac

• pile 1 • 🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁

your person feels conflicted. they feel as though they need to be in control of themselves and what they allow themselves to think about because if they leave their mind to it’s own rulership, fears and anxieties will set in. they release these anxieties by allowing their ego to control them instead.

this person feels like they’re not good enough. like they’re not even one of your options anyway. this person could think that you’re not even attracted to their gender, so they either think that you’re gay when you’re actually bi, pan, etc. or they think that you’re straight when you’re actually not.

you guys could also be a different race or from a different culture than this person, and i feel like they’re the type of person who has either been conditioned to only seek partners within their own race/culture or that was always just an expectation of them that they were happy to fulfil.

this person could even be in a relationship of some sort, already. or in an arranged situation if they’re from a culture that participates in that (i feel like that’s for someone specific). they could even have a child already. if not then i feel like i’m picking up on the type of future that they dream of, regarding having a family. you don’t fit into that image for them though. and it’s not because they don’t want you to, it’s because of some sort of differences between you two. physically. identity wise. something about this person feeling like there’s no way that you two could make a relationship of any sort work, due to the criticism and judgement that would come from others around them about you and your differences.

i’m also seeing that they may feel as though you’re not even interested in a person like them. they feel like you’ve completely released them for some reason. like they were never that important to you. i feel like you guys didn’t even get to know each other that well, because i’m picking up on a separation. a disconnect.

this person still thinks about you, but it feels like they don’t want to. it makes them uncomfortable because the feelings that they had towards you before are still there. when they think of you, they still feel the way that they did when they could actually see you and be around you. i don’t think that this person is used to not being able to control their feelings for people. they seem very in control of themselves and a very typical, emotionally cold and distant masculine.

they haven’t been able to be their usual selves when it comes to you though. they can’t just tell themselves that you were just another person that they met because the connection that you both had was very apparent. very different for this person. if you guys are opposite genders, this person doesn’t usually connect to your gender group for anything other than superficial reasons (could be sex, money, power and influence. anything.) but with you, they felt like you guys were just naturally on the same wavelength. like you saw each other clearly and just understood each other. they don’t find that often in people who they have feelings for (surface level feelings at least). i feel like they genuinely feel like you’re a soulmate basically. i don’t think this person speaks in “soulmate” terms though, so they can’t even put it into words.

i just heard “she’s different”. switch the pronoun if you need to, but that’s what this person would say to describe what they think of you and why they feel this way. because you’re different. in a great way. i’m feeling like you were a shock to their system. are y’all aquarius/uranus/11th house dominant? 👀🤔

they’re still keeping hope alive that you’ll meet each other again. but that triggers their fear of disappointment. they might even feel goofy af for staying stuck on you for so long, but they don’t want to release the idea that meeting you again is a possibility. because that’s what they’re hoping for. at the same time though, they don’t want this to happen because what could they do if they’re so worried about the opinions of other people? they feel as though being able to see you again would be futile because they feel like they wouldn’t be able to get the outcome that they want with you anyway. the feelings for you are persistent within this person because they feel like you’re someone significant and special in their life (even if you only knew each other for a short while), but ego-wise, they’re ignoring them. this person is so conflicted. their mind without the distractions is a mess.

• pile 2 • 🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼

ngl, you guys trigger this person. but not purposefully. this person knows that the abundance and wealth that they have in the materialistic or physical sense isn’t good enough for you. i feel like this person could be a part of hustle culture, or they’re just extremely hard workers. workaholics even. they might think that physical appearance, money, and materialism were all that they needed to be wanted by anyone that they wanted, but it’s not the same with you.

i’m also seeing that this person feels ridiculed by you? again, i don’t think you’re actually doing this, but they feel as though they’re under criticism or scrutiny. you could’ve put this person in check? 👀

actually, they could be projecting right now. i feel like they could be a very insecure person, but they secure their persona and physical appearance to make themselves seem confident. you don’t give af about any of that though, so you see right through it, triggering tf out of them. you’re seeing the most vulnerable sides of them without them even lowering their guards. this person knows that you’re intuitive af. i don’t think they’d use that word, but they know that you just know shit about people 😂

you make them feel as though there’s value in them. damn. i felt a pang in my stomach as i typed that. you might’ve been able to tell that this person was seeking your attention in small ways but talked yourself out of believing it. they were. you validate them. your attention and their interactions with you both validate but scare them.

this is someone who wants to portray themselves as a big, strong, powerful, emperor type of person, but they feel the complete opposite around you. they feel powerless around you. this person might clearly be scorpionic, plutonian, or an 8th house person in nature. they could have a very intense, fixed, heavy, stable, but maybe unnerving energy to them. very intoxicating in a way? there’s something about them that just seems dark. but intriguing. yeah, they’re probably scorpionic/plutonic af. but you see through the outer shell that they navigate this world in. they have no idea how you do it, but they like it although they’re not used to it.

you also make them feel nervous when speaking. this person might feel like they don’t communicate “properly” or sound intelligent enough in general day to day conversation. they don’t usually care though (it seems on the surface anyway. this is actually quite a deep insecurity of theirs too) and it gives them a bit of anxiety when wanting to speak to you. it’s like they clam up or shut down. they might even ruminate about all of the conversations you guys have had, knit picking at everything that they think made them sound “stupid”, or at their tone of voice, etc.

i think you guys actually planted the seed of introspection into this person. they’re not often in situations where they feel “below” someone else in some way, so feeling like that around you was uncomfortable but also rewarding for them. i feel like this person is either stoic af or egotistical af but in a quiet way. the type of person to “humble brag” 😂. i really believe that you kickstarted this person’s soul searching journey by exposing a bunch of insecurities to them that they themselves never really paid attention to.

you make them want to improve and be a better person. thoroughly from the inside out. not the outside in.

you know what i’m seeing rn that sums up this person’s feelings perfectly? i’m seeing a king who gives orders and controls everything - all day, everyday. nobody can get him to do something that he doesn’t want to do, or to feel any other way about himself other than prideful.

his queen though? she keeps him in check. without even having to say anything. her presence alone makes him want to act right, but the pressure that he feels to be better in her presence also causes him to start searching for anything and everything that he needs to improve. and when he receives confirmation that he has made his queen happy/proud (she compliments him, laughs at his weak ass joke, gives him words of encouragement), he becomes happier. he feels as though his queen’s happiness is his reward for his improvement. but he still suffers from major anxiety about “failing”. so much to the point where sometimes, he has to take space away from her because he’s dug himself into a hole full of self deprecation and self criticism. some of you guys might notice that this person is hot and then cold with communication. or that they hesitate around you. aw, bless 🥺

this is so fucking cute, pile 2. your person is a secret simp for you lmaooo.

• pile 3 • 🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀

the first thing that i’m hearing is “proud”. you make them feel so proud of themselves. you’ve taught them how to be self sufficient in some way and only rely on themselves for something. i feel like this has something to do with being stable within themselves enough to give up caring about other people’s judgements. you could have this type of energy. very much a mix of aquarian and piscean energy. the type of person who doesn’t care enough to try to fit in with people unless you want to, and because of that you fit in with everyone. you’re multifaceted, and this person may have felt the need to be one type of way when around others. until they met you. then you cracked their stoic, emperor-like demeanour and you influenced them to just let go of control over their self image for a few moments.

damn. i just heard that they feel like no other woman compares to you. deadass. the image on this card is a woman on her knees, crying, but being ignored by the person next to her due to them looking elsewhere. this woman feels ignored in this card. they don’t care about any other person as much as they cared about you. you’re the full package for them. specific for some of you guys: you could be black women and have short afro hair. this person thinks that you embody both masculine and feminine energy in the most divine way in your physical appearance. they also love the fact that your hair is natural and short. they like the fact that you can pull off a “masculine” hairstyle and still look divinely feminine and adorable. i just heard “infatuated”.

i feel like there may be a disconnect between you two. distance? and/or a change between them and their viewpoint on what they find attractive thanks to you. you’re the biggest “temptation” that they’ve ever met, but you’re not someone who they would’ve ever thought that they’d be this attracted to physically. but you are. you’re not their usual type. they may have thought before that they could never find someone who isn’t typically masculine or typically feminine attractive. you guys are this person’s idea of what a perfect mix between masculinity and femininity looks like and feels like. because this is even expressed through your personality.

but, back to the type. they don’t know wtf their type is anymore. not really. you have a very unique beauty. again, aquarius and neptune energy heavyyyy. i heard “fuck the type” lmaoooo. you destroyed this person’s idea of a type. damn, pile 3. you are a bad bitch. don’t fucking second guess that shit ever again in your LIFE. i don’t usually interpret readings that are centred around someone’s looks but your looks are emphasised here. you are a damn temptation to them. i’m seeing that this may be because you look like the type of person who they’d assume would be scared of them but you’re not. if anything, you’re bold af towards them at times. lightly roasting them, calling them out for something, or putting them in their place when they crossed a line switched something in their head about you. that doesn’t have to resonate but they find your attitude paired with your physical appearance intoxicating af. gworl 👀

if you’re a woman, they can tell that you’re for women. they may have seen you defend a woman on her behalf. you may have stepped into your lilith energy. but at the same time, you’re like “one of the boys” without being a pick me bitch and feeding into things that you’re not okay with. you will call men out, but again, you’re like “one of the boys”. they didn’t think that a woman could hold men accountable while not hating them at the same time 😭 your person may be quite close minded. i feel like that’s why i’m picking up on that you could’ve called them out for something. you’ve expanded their mind a lil though.

you make them feel as though they’re attracting good luck and abundance to themselves because of you. i’m literally seeing that they see you as a good luck charm. they may have realised that their life started to become way better after meeting you.

they’re very protective over you because they see you as a rare type of person. they could be quite “possessive?” naturally but they’re not the type to control you. they have a very stable self esteem around you it seems. although they do shy away or become bashful when you know the right thing to say.

they want to share their abundance with you. you’re the type of person that they literally want to spoil. you guys could have lilith in 2nd house/taurus and this person could have scorpio/8th house placements. i’m picking up on placements and synastry that indicates that they just want to give and give gifts and materialism to you. maybe this is their love language. i feel like they’re very much a materialistic person so it makes sense 😂 they really like how natural you are though. i feel like that’s the difference between you and the people that they usually go for. and your naturalism doesn’t just apply to your physical appearance. it also applies to your behaviour and attitude. you don’t force anything. you don’t try to change yourself for anyone.

there’s a longing energy that i pick up from them. again, you guys could have distance between you and you’re in separation. but this person daydreams about you a lot. they’re not anxious during this separation though because they’re convinced that they’ll meet you again. i’m hearing that they’re daydreaming of things that they (hope) they’ll say the next time they see you. they’re not stressing about this distance at all. i heard “i’ve got you already”. 👀👀👀👀 this person’s self assurance is definitely in abundance right now 😭 they’re convinced of this.

[ask-a-rare-person]

My xeno gender + Neo pronoun manifesto

Ok so, a lot of people(understandably) don’t really get neos/xenos. It’s super complicated, different for everyone, and there’s not a lot of us around anyways. It feels like most people’s (including mine) first exposure to the community is usually phramed in a “woah look at how wirrd this is!” Type setting that doesn’t explore why we do what we do. Also this is an ask based blog, questions are extremely welcome!

I first should define what xeno genders and Neo pronouns even are.

Xeno genders: genders that fall outside of how we traditionally think of gender. It’s a way of thinking that rejects femininity and masculinity in its traditional forms, and is often neglected all together.

Neo pronouns: pronouns that are not she, he, or they. It pronouns are kinda on the cusp simply because they are not typically affirm in to most people and are therefore unconventional in their own right.

I got involved in xenogenders after i accepted myself as trans. It took me a long time, and a lot of that was due to my very self-distructive veiw of lables.

See, the last time I’d had to do lable searching was when I was 12 years old and trying to figure out if I was lesbain, bi, pan, etc.

I had an extremely restrictive veiw of sexuality labels, and I agonized if I was really attracted to boys or not. Same with nonbinary people. I, being 12 and stupid, thoight that bi and pan were extremely districtive lables and that if I was attracted to NBs I couldn’t be bi. Not to mention, I thought that nonbinary even had a “look” in the first place.

Somehow, i concluded I was bi. And I still use that label to this day. Even though I’m attracted to NBs. lol. But it wasn’t easy to get to that point. I had daily meltdowns where I destroyed my room and would then do the humiliating work of picking everything up while sniffling. It wasn’t healthy.

But I was 16 at the point I was finally ready to question my gender. I felt myself slipping into old habits almsot immediately. But I thankfully had the self awarness at this point to stop and think clearly about what I was doing.

With someone who has enough negitive momentum surrounding lable searching like I do, I can’t exactly expect all of this to go painlessly. But I also don’t have to activly make it worse for myself. I realzied that I believed I needed to find my “lable soulmate” and that I should not allow myself to rest until I find the one true lable.

So instead I decided to passivly watch my gender as neutirally as I possibly could. Without trying to name it anything, just watching.

I learned that I felt very masculine at that point, but alos that I noticed fluidity in both my gender and gender presentation. But what suprized(and scared) me was how it was fluid. It coincided with the barometric pressure. I didn’t want to believe it. I knew what it would mean for me if it was true. I knew I’d be lonly, misunderstood, and might never find a word to describe how I feel. So I kept watching my gender “move.” Sometiems I wouldn’t even notice the pressure would change, just that my gender did. And my dad(has seasonal depression) would casually comment on the shift. Fuck.

I should probably mention now that I have quite a few conditions that are affected by the pressure too. And my others are of course impacted by my other disorders acting up so…I’m no stranger to feeling majorly off kilter when it rains or something. It also made sense how I never noticed my fluidity, I was always caught up with my symptoms. And dysphoria, I mean, it just felt like a miscellaneous symptom that could be from anything.

I’d been admiring xenogenders from afar for a couple years at that point…and I decided to take a look. I mean, my gender is already weird , right? It might as well be weird in a good way. On my terms. In any case, I felt so disconnected from the trans community at large due to my disabilities and odd gender and felt much more at home with the xeno gender ppl I saw online. That’s typical for me. I never really got along with normal people, and I’m ok with taht. Mostly.

I flourished. For the first time, lable searching wasn’t toruture. I was crying. I was throwing things. I wasn’t hating myself. For the first time I felt JOY doing this. It became a fun pass time looking at different flags, noticing the Latin roots tin lable names(I love Latin), it was like window shopping but I could have everything I wanted. There is no limit. No consept of “soul labels,” in fact its commen hoard even hundreds of genders.

I felt true freedom in my identity for the first time. I got to have whatever happened to speak to me in that moment and it hardly even felt like the choise. Or at least enough of a choice to trigger my terrible decision paralysis. It was truly amazing to experience. No lable had all the power in my identity, in fact power wasn’t even the point. Just words that feel good. Flags too, they were the biggest deciding factor. Suddenly it felt like my dyslexia was accommodated in a conversation I had never realized it wasn’t.

Suddenly I veiwed genders not as attempting to articulate consepts in ways I’d never otherwise articulate them, and were put into MY language. Metaphor. Colors. Tastes. Feelings. Memories. Ideals. All the abstract goings ons in my mind no longer needed to be translated. They could simply just “be.”

Metaphor is probably my favorite aspect of xenogenders. It’s how I best express myself. Ever sense I was 3 I had to explain medically impossible symptoms to docters who had no idea what I was talking about. So i used metaphor. Over and over and over. And now, I can’t imagine not using metaphor. About anything. I struggle not to use them. And now I had a place to use them.

The genders I chose to hoard can be found here but they mostly boil down to:

Sun + light themed

Fairy + pagen + nature themed

The endless combinations of boy, girl, and nonbinary that may incidentally fit me due to my fluidity

For reason #1, this is segnifigant because both my birth first and middle name are light/sun related and I always strongly identified with them before I stopped repressing my dysphoria.

Also, the sun is often used as a symbol of divine masculine. I really like that because it is masculinity without the consepts of physical bodies or my current gender identity getting in the way. It’s just…masculine. In complete, beautiful isolation.

I would also like to say that, after coming out as transgender to my fellow spirtual cirlce, a commen response is that we are all beings of light. And, to be honest, when someoen asks my gender I wish I could just say “I am a being of light.”

For reason #2, it is of course related to my faith as well. Turns out, when you tell a bunch of tree hugging hippies that your gender changes based on one of the Earth cycles, they will treat you as if you were graced with a rare gift. I have also been told that it brings me closer to the faries and nature. I mean thsi genuinely when i say that the spiritual ppl in my neck of the woods are more accepting than the LGBTQ community. No discorce, no need to justify anything, etc. just love, man.

And, well, I think reaosn #3 is pretty self explanatory. My fluidity is much less of a light swtich between “boy” and “girl” but more like a constantly changing gender blob that lazily makes its way across multiple gender territories at a time to various extremes.

Now on to the Neo pronouns!

So I use one set of Neo pronouns, jusr fae/faer. I won’t reiterate my connection to fae, but I do have another reason I connect with fae/faer.

It was actually the reason I started using them in the first place. See, when I was in fourth grade, I discovered the wonderful world of gay ships. As in, male x male. Me, convinced I was just a girl, had no idea why I was drawn to them. But I was completely obsessed. It turns out that attraction hits the same as hyperfixation. So I jsut assumed it was hyperfixaiton, not a budding attraction to men that was inherently queer. As well as a strong connection to the effeminate, shy, characters that were always swept off their feet by strong masculine ones.

My intrest in twinks and effeminate men was always sort of curious to me. Because I had no…intentions? I was drawn to them but not because I wanted to kiss them or date them or anything like that. When I was finally exploring my gender I realized that I wanted to BE them. I saw my pre hrt self in those fem guys and I was floored by how sought after they were by the other male love interest. Their gender nonconformity was not seen as weird but as an inherent plus. And their awkwardness was seen as cute, not weird either. Yes, I was the wierd kid. Moving on.

So, anyways. I found that I was drawn to fae/faer because I felt that it honored my gender’s inharent connection to being a queer man without necessarily needing my current gender to line up with it. Because, at the end of the day, gay romance shaped my gender development in a huge way. And that influence on my life won’t vanish the second I stop being a boy.

Before I go, I want to dispel a commen misconception. People often assume that we demand others use our Neopronouns. And I want to come out and say we don’t. Because you know what? Most of us are mentally disabled. And if there is anyone who understands just who difficult learning a new skill is, it’s us. We don’t expect others to use them at all. And any small effort is seen as a miricle to us. So please, if you feel like being extra nice, go for it! But you don’t have to. 99% of us will have at least one set of conventional pronouns you can use instead.

Hope this cleared some things up! And as I said questions are incouraged!

[katsune-nya]

Tokyo Revengers Romantic and Sexual Orientation Headcanons.

Part 2.

Contains: Michi, Mikey, Draken, Baji, Tora, Fuyu, Taka, Hakkai, Pah and Peh, Hina Emma, Yuzuha, Senju, Sanzu, Ran Rindo, Koko, Inui, South, Taiju, Shin, Benkei, Waka and Omi.

Takemichi:

He's so Straight it's actually sad, like i've never seen a straighter man. He actually doesn't have too much of a sexual attraction, but he's not in the ace spectrum either.

Edit: I change my mind, he's a bi king.

Mikey:

AroAce. He's in the spectrum and honestly doesn't really see the charm on relationships, he would get in one with the right person but doesn't look for it AT ALL. (He's the biggest simp when he falls tho).

Draken:

Straight Ally. The kinda ally that literally doesn't give a fuck. Would kiss a dude, doesn't care. He grew up in a fucking brothel, literally nothing about sex makes him raise a brow.

Edit: Remembered this.

That's such a weird thing for a straight guy to say, man. WHAT DID YOU MEAN??!!?!? Do you like Emma 'cause she kinda looks like Mikey?

Keisuke:

AROACE AROACE AROACE AROACE. He's so in the AroAce Spec it's not even a secret. Experimented with boys and girls, just doesn't really do much to him. Doesn't look for a relationship but if it happens he'll be surprised. No gender or sex prefference.

Kazutora:

Actually, i think he's Bi. The Homophobic Gay kind. He was so in denial until he was an adult and came out to Chifuyu and Kei in such a nonchallant way in the middle of a random convo at breakfast.

Right. In front. Of their salads.

Chifuyu:

Either the Straightest one can be or Pan. He's a romantic but doesn't get in a relationship easily, has literally zero experience but when imagining kissing in the rain suddently he realised the gender of the other person was changing??? The first person he came out to was Peke J and then Keisuke who gave him a thumbs up and kept walking like nothing.

Takashi:

I'm so sorry to the fangirls but this man came personally to me and told me he's a Fully Fledged Homosexual. He's so gay, oh my fucking God. Gay gay gay gay gay homo gay.

He has so much experience too and loves girls (could be bi) but men are just *chefs kiss*.

Gay and pissed about it but 'cause he's a Misandristic Man.

Edit: I realised I was wrong, he's actually the only straight character in this whole manga, he's just unrealistically perfect and that made me not see that he is a cishet.

Hakkai:

He's so fucking Bi for fucks sake. He realised he liked boys before he liked girls and he felt SO guilty about it. He literally doesn't know what the fuck he feels for Takashi. Is it Platonic or Romantic Love? He decided it didn't matter 'cause he just loves him and that's enough.

Pah and Peh:

Both Straight but both experimented with different kinds of people. They genuinly don't care and will be your biggest suporters whatever you are. Literal definition of Love Is Love. Will beat up a Bigot for you and enjoy it.

Hina:

Bi Bi Bi (actually Pan). She had only one or two crushes in girls but she fell in love with Michi at such a young age she never really cared. She has fucking queer merch but the aesthetic ones. She is the violent gay, Be Gay, Do Crime.

Emma:

... I wish she was gay... She's so Straight. She found being queer weird at first but only 'cause she never saw it 'round. Once Hina came out to her in a casual "boys" convo she was just like: "Oh... Well, that makes sense." And moved on. Got a cute lil pin with her pronouns and put it on her bag.

Yuzuha:

GAY. She's a Pan queen. She has crushes VERY rarely, like, once every 80 years, but it never matters what gender they are. She has a "Beat a Right Wing" sticker. She is gay with a PURPOSE, the purpose is to make her brother mad. She got over her crush on Michi just to develop one on Hina... Give this girl a break.

Senju:

A romantic. Probably Pan. She falls in love every Tuesday, Waka and Omi have to deal with her talking their ears off about her latest crush "I'm telling you, they're the one!". Probably the most into Non-Binary people, she thinks it's badass and cool.

Haruchiyo:

He HAS to be Gay. Bi at most. He just likes men. He likes men. Have i said he likes men? First crush was OBVIOUSLY Mikey. Whenever he gets drunk he starts saying the gayest shit (specially towards Rindo) and the Haitani brothers just have to listen to him and pray for him to get tired and shut the fuck up. "Listen, if i wasn't into [name] rn, i'd probably fuck you too". Ok, they don't care, go to bed.

Ran:

Pan. A hole is a hole. No but fr. He doesn't care, he literally has no prefference, but actually, 'till he was like 20 he had NO PULL. NOTHING. NADA. Hit him up and he'll fold.

Rindo:

Bi. He likes boys, he likes girls, he has liked the random nonbinary cutie down the street. He just kinda goes with the flow but he has prefferences so he doesn't really call himself pan, he likes men the most, especially if they are smaller than him, he thinks it's cute. Another one with no fucking game, probably kissed Sanzu and regretted it instantly because why Sanzu?!?!?! He was drunk, let him forget it.

Hajime:

... Come on, he HAS to be Pan. He likes pretty people, whatever they are. He likes looking at people as if they were art pieces but he doesn't get crushes. Once he falls in love, it's for LIFE.

Seishu:

Probably Bi or the best Straight Ally. He likes people rougher than him and people energetic/extroverted/chaotic/talkative. Doesn't really think about his prefference so he doesn't put a label on himself. Whoever he likes, he likes. In the Ace Spectrum.

South:

... Listen. Ok. Listen to me. I swear i have a point just liSTEN TO ME.

...

He's gay. He's fully homosexual. And he has no real prefference about it bUT, he likes femenine men a lot. Or men shorter or skinnier than him. Or... Honestly. He just... Likes men.

Taiju:

Pfffft. He's actually Bi or Pan but so in denial, in the closet, a closet guarded by Cerberus himself and a thousand locks with a pond around it filled with crocodiles. He likes strong people who can tell him to shut the fuck up and encourage him to do better. He dreams of getting married and having a family. Ew.

Shinichiro:

He's Pan. He has an obsession with women but he gets just as down bad with men, or enbys. He likes people smarter than him. He preffers people smaller than him 'cause he gets too flustered with people bigger, but ohohoho, he LOVES heavier people.

Benkei:

I swear i can't decide. It switches every time. I think his sexuality is fluid and he's unlabelled. AroAce Spec tho, doesn't really get crushes.

Wakasa:

AroAce Spec, but he has TOO MUCH GAME. He pulls without trying. He is mostly uninterested in people and relationships. You have to be an EXTRAORDINARY person to catch his attention (I have this headcanon that he's lowkey into Shin but that's for another day). Once he falls, you are not getting rid of him.

Takeomi:

Probably fully Aro. His true love is money. If he got into a relationship it would be a VERY slow and robotic process, until he relaxes and is like... Huh... This is nice. Then a switch flips.

• Will do more in some time about the rest of the characters. I had no more space in the tags lmao.

[magicalblerdpenn]

So this year, I'd been struggling to embrace being alloplatonic. I'm already genderqueer, bi, and grey aro-ace so you'd think it'd be easy.

Except that I didn't know alloplatonic was an identity until I learned about aplatonic people on Valentine's Day this year.

Ironically, it was several years back on Valentine's Day that I realized that I rarely experience romantic or sexual attraction, and experience aesthetic attraction more.

Yet I struggled to embrace being alloplatonic for several reasons:

Being raised by a Dad who made me feel like I couldn't be "just friends" with someone of a different gender than me. Since I was AFAB, any friendships I had with boys were assumed to be related to romance or sex.

Struggling to make friends, even though I wanted them. In high school, almost every potential new friend I made ended up changing schools or schedules.

Being bullied made me scared to make friends b/c what if I try to make friends, but end up bullied again? I also felt like I wasn't good enough for friends b/c of this trauma.

The unexpected death of my Dad made me scared to get close to anyone. I considered my Dad a friend as well as my parent and losing him hurt me deeply.

People being dismissive of internet friendships

This past Sunday, my closest internet friend Jaz, gave me a shout out in their upcoming book. It touched me deeply; I cried for ten minutes. They are a Black trans friend & we've been internet friends for six years, bonding over our identities, our writing dreams, music, and more. We've kept in touch through social media, email, and chat apps and become each other's source of peer support.

Over the years, our friendship grew stronger little by little and I felt a strong platonic love for them. I loved reading their newsletter, chatting with them, seeing updates about their life and career that they were willing to share. I loved having them encourage and reassure me, and doing the same for them. I loved their empathy, when I told them about my trauma or troubles. I loved how their writing helped me learn something new about myself & the world around me. I've shown my appreciation for our friendship through poetry & digital art and they love it.

Yet, I struggled to fully bask in our friendship until very recently b/c the trauma I'd experienced and the heteronormatvity and allonormativity I'd been taught. I didn't think my strong platonic attraction was normal b/c people dismiss platonic love in favor of romantic love. I've seen this on tv, movies, and online fandoms. I also thought I wasn't worthy of friendship b/c I felt I had to be a certain way & be flawless to have friends.

My friend Jaz, repeatedly proved me wrong, but it didn't sink in until I saw these words in the Acknowledgement section of their upcoming book: "To my internet friends, whose bonds are as deep as any other. To Penn; love you!"

With this, all my fears and doubt washed away with my tears of joy.

And now, I can finally say that I love my friend Jaz. I even wrote them a poem to do so and they enjoyed it very much.

TL;DR I am alloplatonic & proud and no one will take that away from me. I love my friend Jaz and they love me platonicallly too.

[ask-the-crimson-king]

Primarch Sexuality Headcanons

Inspired by this post in which I got very excited to see someone else advocating for an ace-Fulgrim so I'm gonna list my view on the primarch's and their various sexualities.

May do a follow-up on the various captains and other Astartes in the Legions, though that post would get pretty huge pretty fast. I have a lot of opinions.

I invite others to share their perspectives if they have them. For full disclosure, I am coming at this as a homoromantic asexual who is VERY sex-repulsed, so that is, naturally, going to tinge my own perspective.

In Legion order:

Lion El'Johnson - Demisexual or grey-ace, uncertain about romantic interests. I haven't read too much on the Lion, and I know it seems to be popular to make the lad gay, but I don't quite get those vibes from him. I think he prefers women.

Fulgrim - Asexual panromantic. As was said in the thread linked above by the Consortium-human, definitely for aesthetic attraction. He is a peacock in the most literal way possible and I think he'd like his romantic partners to maybe be similar? I can definitely see him dressing them up ostentatiously.

Perturabo - Love the iron hermit, he's definitely a demiromantic asexual. Definitely sex-repulsed. Others would say aro but I could see him being romantically interested in someone if they took the time required for him to see them that way. I don't think gender would matter too much, but I think he'd have a more masc preference.

Jaghatai Khan - Grey-ace or Bisexual king. He's not someone who actively looks for relationships or flings but isn't opposed to them either, if he finds the person attractive.

Leman Russ - Exists in a quantum state between "homosexual bear" and "omnisexual bear". On the one hand, I can see him with basically anyone, but on the other, he gives that rugged sort of "passes as straight lumberjack, is actually gay as hell" type.

Rogal Dorn - Asexual... demiromantic? It's either demi or heteroromantic. Preference towards women or femme-presenting people. Probably sex-repulsed if not sex neutral.

Konrad Curze - Aromantic asexual. Has never had the interest. Has never wanted the interest. Pretty straight forward.

Sanguinius - I feel like it'd be cliche and also wrong to say demiromantic asexual. Aspec for sure. Maybe homoromantic? Maybe biromantic? He's tough to put a good finger on in terms of vibes.

Ferrus Manus - This is a gay man. Homosexual aromantic. I do not think he'd be very into a romantic relationship.

Angron - Heteroromantic asexual. If he ever had the true capacity for romance, anyway. The Nails probably stole it from him.

Roboute Guilliman - This one is tough. I want to say something aspec, as I said before maybe demi or grey. I don't think it's hard ace for him. In terms of a romantic orientation... Tough. I think he'd be interested in trying a date with a man, but I do want to say heteroromantic. Not closing himself off to the possibility of also being into them, but if he is bi-or-panromantic, he still has a preference for femme-presenting people and women.

Mortarion - See, most would probably also assume asexual, and I would maybe agree, but I've always had a thing in the back of my mind where he's just straight. Heterosexual man. Nothing wrong with it. He may be aromantic or just not interested in a relationship.

Magnus the Red - Aromantic asexual, I will say this with my full chest. Not opposed to a relationship, potentially, but would rather sex not be involved.

Horus Lupercal - I've seen some people say he's a bisexual disaster and while I can see where people are coming from, he's always had big asexual vibes, someone who's up for sex if his partners want it but is also just as fine without. Pan/omniromantic for sure though.

Lorgar Aurelian - Asexual for sure. I am consistently flipping between a bunch of different romantic orientations for him. I think he'd be an oriented demiromantic, but on the other hand. Hmm. He's tough. I saw panromantic and I think that is correct. May have a more masc preference though.

Vulkan - I feel like demisexual kinda cheapens him since everyone has flanderized him into being the "friendly" primarch, but it does feel fitting after everything I've read on him. So demi it is. Romantically... tough. Part of me wants to say aromantic. Another part wants to also put him as heteroromantic. One of those two.

Corvus Corax - Heterosexual, probably. I can definitely see him as a Castlevania-Dracula-"if you hurt my wife I will scour the lands and make sure your souls are damned for eternity"-type.

Alpharius/Omegon - It's a mystery, OooOooOO! I'm not gonna cop out like that. Based on what I've read, I see heterosexual aromantic. May be open to experimenting with men or androgenous people, but solidly prefers women as partners.

Bonus Round:

The Emperor of Man and Malcador are gay lovers. I have seen the light. I have read The End and the Death. They are homosexuals.

[doberbutts]

That post of yours also makes me think of how much exclusionist rhetoric is centered around the assumption that, for example, only people who are gay or lesbian are ever impacted by homophobia. That kind of thinking is not only incorrect, but also gives way too much credit to homophobes who do not, it turns out, have a nuanced and informed view of sexuality and gender.

Homophobes don't think in terms of "we are cis and allo and straight, and this other group is made up of people who are gay, pan, bi, ace, aro, trans, nonbinary, intersex, and any other number of labels under the queer umbrella". They think in terms of "we are normal and good, and this other group is different and bad."

I recall that one incident about the parents who kicked their asexual teenage son out of their home because they thought he was gay, and tons of exclusionists were insisting, "No, no, this isn't aphobia, this isn't discriminating against asexual people, this is misdirected homophobia, gay people are still the only ones being oppressed." Like, okay buddy, call it whatever you want, but this asexual teenager is still homeless now.

The sort of people who commit these hate crimes think in such rigidly binary terms. That man is attracted to men? It doesn't matter that he's also attracted to women, he's gay. That man doesn't want to have sex with women? It doesn't matter that he doesn't want to have sex with men either, he's gay. Oh, that man IS dating and having sex exclusively with a woman, but that woman was assigned male at birth? Gay. They're all gay, and we must hate them all for it.

Exclusionists will claim that ace people or bi people or trans people who don't medically transition or who are non-dysphoric aren't queer enough to be in queer spaces, don't face the same level of oppression, and meanwhile homophobes are more than happy to hate crime anyone who doesn't fit their narrow definitions of what is acceptable. The people who are beating up a man for being gay aren't going to stop upon being informed he's actually polysexual. They'll say "close enough" and continue beating him up.

Exactly. But then again many of these people refuse to consider a different perspective than their own.

I have an ace friend who, due to her solid lack of interest in men [or anyone] was assumed to be a lesbian by her boss. Her boss who turned out to be a sexual predator and preyed on three different female coworkers about her age [read: significantly younger than him] and was eventually fired for it. Her boss that, when she revealed she was dating a man at the time, admitted he had considered pursuing her as well but was discouraged by her lack of attraction and if he had known she could be "turned" he would have struck while the iron was hot, so to speak.

Is that not a combination of lesbiphobia, misogyny, acephobia, toxic masculinity? That he wanted this girl young enough to be his grand daughter to the point that he thought he could bully his way into her bed after seeing that she was not interested in being pursued? It doesn't matter that he was wrong about her being a lesbian. It doesn't matter that she could have just as easily been with a woman instead of a man. It doesn't matter that he doesn't have any understanding of the concept of asexuality. Here was a young woman who *could potentially* be swayed by power dynamics and/or alcohol, and thus she was added to his list of potential conquests.

Her identity, her feelings, her emotions, her life doesn't matter. What matters is that he was a predator and she was highlighted as possible prey the second he thought he might be able to convince her to accept his magic Dick Of Turning.

How do I know all this? He was my boss too. And I saw firsthand some of the things he did. Thankfully, as said, he was eventually caught in the act and fired for it, but not before he terrorized multiple female employees.

[our-aroace-experience]

Hi! I was on the asexual tag saw this blog and just wanted to see if anyone else who is aspec can relate to my ramblings. Rambling tldr: not claiming a label despite that label actually relating to my experiences because it just doesn't fit perfect enough and because it doesn't fit perfect enough in my mind I don't think I want to use it.

Now, back in 2020 I claimed being 'asexual' by name and then a couple of months later claimed being aroflux which eventually changed to 'greyaro' over a year later. And those two terms fit me the best, grey aro ace is me. However, because I'm greyaro I still feel romantic attraction though it is rare but its still present enough in my mind to continually be wondering about what label to put it as. For the most part, I don't have a label even when the attraction - romantic/sensual/alterous/aesthetic - arises. Which again doesn't rise often, but I daydream about it a lot or reminisce about old crushes - particularly the one about a girl way back in high school days. (Let me tell you that was a wild time in my mind). Back then I was thinking I was bisexual only to cancel it out because I didn't want to have sex with her. However I never questioned if I wanted to have sex with boys (I just assumed I would, thanks heteroallonormativity). But the romantic feelings I had for her were the same like the boy crushes (which came up every few years). And for a timeline purposes, before her my last crush (boy) was in the 7th grade, she was the 11th grade, and my last crush currently was senior year of undergrad college (the best one honestly I could actually talk to him and not be overly ridden with anxiety and embarrassment). And despite so many years passing I always wonder - does the bi label fit? Was that with her an bi experience? I know its whatever I feel like it was but also I'm wondering if my hesitation is because deep down having that bi label attached makes the 'im not straight' thought more permanent? If that makes sense? Like 'im not straight' in any way, not even hetero aro/ace? And maybe that thought just makes my head spin a little. I thought about the pan label too; but when I read the definition to see the differences between bi and pan I realized that pan definition doesn't connect the closest but bi does. However I still can't always make it fit. It's like when I was going by aroflux despite the fact it did not fit for me, it was clunky in my brain calling myself that. But then I read about grey-aromantic and it fit perfect! But not my romantic orientation is still in murky waters; I ID as a girl so for the most part of my life boys have been what I've been romantically attracted to, however hetero isn't me. I usually just go as fluid for all my attraction titles which I do like but that opens up more discussion of "okay, but who, what gender?" So in that case I guess bi would be the correct answer...despite the fact gender doesn't play a part (hence fluid label I go with and or queer) but it isn't all genders I fall for, I lean in some directions more than others. So it kind of does, doesn't it? But again I'm like "....meh it just doesn't fit/doesn't fit the way I want." And I am one of those people who agree that you don't have to use every label or any label including micro (for example, aegosexual I can relate to but I don't feel the need to have two microlabels) however, once I start thinking in depth I start to question myself as I do because I'm a thinker. And I think a lot because in real life I'm not in the space where I can speak about this openly with the people in my life.

Wonder if anyone else has had something like this on and off throughout their life too?

Thanks for listening~

you can be bi and greyromantic at the same time, if that helps! but not wanting labels is totally valid and if that feels best then go for it!

[radioactivewisdom]

I saw your post about femininity and I agree with all of it. The last part about honesty really struck a chord with me.

I've always felt wrong about things like wearing makeup or shape wear, it feels like lying. How can I actually trust the attraction someone else might have toward me if what they're seeing is some altered version of me? My face doesn't actually look like that. My body wouldn't either with the shape wear. And neither would the other person's face or body. In turn, I feel like i should avoid makeup wearing women (im a bi woman). Maybe its just my lack of experience, but how do people actually maintain physical attraction if they're seeing an altered version of the person they're attracted to? Some of these makeup before and afters make the woman look like 2 different people, and even light makeup alters the appearance.

And also the way that we're constantly encouraged to find the natural female form ugly. Having body hair seen as disgusting and unhygienic (even though it doesnt stop you from cleaning yourself). I think many peoples attractions is actually broken. Ive seen people refer to body hair as a preference when it comes to physical attraction to women...but to me it seems more like a sign of dysfunction. Thats how we're SUPPOSED to look. The fact that the way we look normally with no alterations [makeup, shapewear, plastic surgery, short hair (say that because any human can grow or cut their hair but women are encouraged to have it long)] is considered repulsive is very distrubing to me. It's never made sense to me. It makes me not want to do any of that, because how could I trust you're even attracted to me really? Not to mention all the work that goes into maintaining and unnatural appearance. Something that shouldn't be necessary.

Sorry if this is too long, I really do appreciate your blog.

Not too long at all, and I appreciate anytime I receive messages detailing your thoughts and experiences. Attraction is artificial for most people, and that’s why their bonds are so unsteady. Femininity in itself is an illusion and both sexes react negatively when the mask slips eventually. Especially when it’s impossible to embody permanently because even aging is seen as masculine. The sooner you disconnect from the concept all together, the better of you’ll be. You’re already recognizing how nonsensical it is. What you said about the disgust towards women’s natural form is very true. Even more disturbing because girls are told that there comes a time when their appearances are no longer acceptable. This world wants to manufacture as many insecurities as possible to keep you distracted. The gender game is popular because of its ability to dichotomize all aspects of society. Keep observing :) You’re on the right track.

[a-frog-in-a-bog]

We were mutuals for a while and I did really like your blog, but I really can’t tolerate panphobia. I saw a post you reblogged about phrases (that aren’t really used in the pan community anymore because of new understandings of the gender spectrum and trans people) and how they’re inherently biphobic.

Posts like that, stereotypes like that are harmful and make me scared to identify as pan within the lgbtq+ community and I will often just say I’m queer and call it a day. Bi/pan people have more commonalities than they do differences. To me they’re inherently interchangeable and the only difference is what word you feel comfortable identifying as.

Panphobia from people within the community mirrors biphobia in and outside of the community. We experience the same injustices you do, it’s just a different term. I don’t tolerate biphobia, panphobia, aphobia, or any other kind of intercommunity hatred. I’m rooting for every sub-community that are overlooked or villainized. So I wish you and yours the best, but I cannot follow you when you’re reblogging harmful posts like that.

sorry for not answering sooner, for some reason tumblr decided not to show me your ask until today. anyway pansexuality is inherently biphobic and transphobic, the modern usage was literally coined by ppl who thought they were special for being attracted to all genders, even trans ppl, unlike bisexuals. of course bi and pan have more similarities than differences. they're the same fucking thing. the only difference is that bisexuality has always meant "experiences both same and different gender attraction" whereas pansexuality has begrudgingly changed definitions every time a group they offend says "um hey why do you consider trans women to be a different gender than women?" or "why do you feel the need to specify that your sexuality includes attraction to nonbinary people as if other sexualities don't?"

at this point bi and pan mean the same thing bc as pansexuals have begrudgingly cut off all the bigoted parts of their definition the only part that remains is the "attracted to all genders" part which is literally just another way of saying "attracted to same and different genders". y'all just took the long transphobic way and decided to throw bisexuals under the bus while you were at it. now the mainstream assumption is that pansexuality is a more inclusive version of bisexuality or that bisexual is an outdated term.

i see the "well i'm just more comfortable with pan" excuse a lot. but why? why are you (general) uncomfortable with bisexuality? you already admitted that pan is the same as bi so why are you more comfortable calling yourself one but not the other? why are you more comfortable aligning yourself with a sexuality that has transphobic and biphobic roots instead of just embracing a label that has meant attraction to all genders for over a century and has such a rich history? and finally, why do you consider someone calling out pansexuality's problematic rhetoric to be bigotry?

[perfect-bi-paradise]

I saw your post saying that bisexuality is the attraction to men, women and nonbinary people (all genders) and it's NOT the attraction to men and women only. I always thought pansexuality was the attraction to men, women and nonbinary people (all genders) and bisexuality was the attraction to men and women only so I'm confused by this post. Does this mean pansexuality is the attraction to men and women only? Did I get them the wrong way round?

The best answer I have to explain this is from my favorite bi page on Facebook and a link to a very good article about bisexual history.

So I wanna start off and say that I understand your confusion. A lot of people I'm sad to say have grown up with a very limited understanding of bisexuality because with the exception of a lucky few, most of us didn't have access to bisexual history or activism and got the bare minimum and narrow description of bisexuality which is the common "attracted to men and woman."

While bisexuals being attracted to men and woman is a technically correct definition since bisexuality does include them, it's not the whole truth and leaves out about 99% of the entire story. What people think that pansexuality is, is in truth what bisexuality has always been.

When it comes to there being a "difference" between bi and pan, honestly there really is no difference between Bi or Pan that many bisexuals cis, trans, and nonbinary alike have pointed out, doesn't end up relying on biphobia, transphobia, bi-erasure of bisexual history or just a lot of misinformation.

The whole reason pansexuality even became popular is because a 2002 Live Journal post by a teenager who also had no knowledge of bisexuality or it's history, said bisexuality was transphobic and only included cis men & woman which ended up spreading biphobia, and transphobia from there because the overwhelming majority of people just didn't have anyone to say "hey that's wrong, this is what bisexuality is" and set the record straight.

In reality bisexuality has always included and welcomed trans, nonbinary, and gender non conforming people even before we had modern terminology to describe them.

The definition "Regardless of gender" itself was invented by bisexual activists to define bisexuality and the modern bisexual movement that started in the 70's. So regardless of gender is bisexualities real definition.

Many people inappropriately try to use the "bi" prefix to argue what bisexuality should mean, and that is called an etymology fallacy. The "bi" in bisexuality doesn't represent a quantity of genders and never has. It refers to bridging the attraction patterns of homo (same as) and hetero (different from) which covers all regardless of gender because it's not based on gender in the first place. People using etymological fallacies to define bi as binary to justify biphobia is wrong and in the end hurts bisexuals. Though I'm just explaining and in no way accusing anybody of doing so.

Unfortunately since a lie and misinformation spread faster than the truth it's taken 20 years to put the pieces of knowledge of what bisexuality truly means back together that were lost or buried due to bi-erasure.

To quote Bisexual activists Janet Bode who invented the definition of regardless of gender in her book (The Pressure Cooker) : "Being bisexual does not mean having sexual relations with both sexes, but that they are capable of meaningful and intimate involvement with a person regardless of gender" - 1976

[frogoru]

Hey. Don’t know if this is overstepping and if it is I apologize, but. Saw your posts about religious stuff. Just want to say that I’ve been in a pretty similar place before, and you aren’t alone. I know this is really hard, and it’s scary. It’s so damned scary. But it gets better. It’s okay to question your religion; I’d even call it healthy. Blind faith is meaningless, you can’t be said to truly believe anything until you look at it closely, and critically, and Decide. This, Too, Shall Pass. You will find your answers, and you will find your peace. You won’t find *all* the answers but hey, no one does.

I don’t have all the answers (no one does; if anyone claims to they’re a liar) hell I don’t have most of them. But with regards to homosexuality: I learned to accept it before I realized I’m bi, so my experience is a bit different from you. But here was a thought that I found helpful: Gay people exist—folks who are exclusively or near exclusively attracted to the same gender. If homosexuality is wrong, then those folks are more tempted than others people; the deck’s stacked against them. And they have to choose between righteousness and love. If God is just, then this just won’t do. Being gay must be fine.

The Bible’s weird, and hard to navigate. I think of it as divine, inspired truth filtered through fallible humans. There’s lessons and truth there, but it ought not be taken too literally. That might be satisfactory, that might not.

Really, what I think is most important is that you believe in a loving God. If god is unjust, if god is cruel, if god is malicious, if god hates… then he ought not be worshipped. Believe in a God worth believing in. Believe in a good that loves you. A God that loves would make no hell. A God that loves would not hate who you are and you you love. A God that loves would not make you ashamed of the joys of life.

You can get through this, I know you can. You are not alone. You are not wicked. You are loved.

Again, sorry if this is an overstep. It’s just that I’ve been through something similar, and wanted to share what helped me.

Thank you so much. No worries, it isn't an overstep at all! Reading this made me feel a lot better about everything. Especially the thing you mentioned about believing in a loving God. That's something I've always wished was more emphasized when people are speaking about Christianity to others, which feels like such a silly want considering the fact that Jesus loving everyone is such a prevalent thing in it. It feels so ironic to know that a religion based around love has such a judgemental community 😭😭 hearing about how I'm loved and accepted by God from other people yet still have the chance of being sent to eternal damnation if I don't abide by everything as I'm supposed to is so like... I don't even know how to put my feelings about it into words anymore but you know what I mean!! So thank you very much for bringing that up.

The idea of interpreting scripture as something divinely inspired and filled with truth yet still affected by the way humans are and how they tend to change things up is also something I agree with and think makes a lot of sense as well. I remember a while ago I was in bible study and the topic of the Bible being God's word was brought up and the teacher's reasoning for why every single thing in it shouldn't be questioned and should be accepted as 100% literal was because the Bible itself says that and I remember being so confused because even if it is a holy text, that doesn't stop people from altering certain things on their own accord. 😭😭

OH!!! OH OH OH oh my gosh and the point you made about how the existence of gay people just existing as they are disproves it being a terrible sin was really nice to hear as well. The way you explained it made a lot of sense and I feel like hearing it put that way lifts a lot of the tension regarding it off my shoulders. I learned queer stuff existed and accepted it pretty quickly before realizing I'm bi (and mostly attracted to women) as well, and I forgot if I wrote this in the intial post but I've been really happy and unashamed with my identity up until I started really getting into religion and engaging with people who share a similar worldview, so that was kind of the turning point that led me to start worrying about it a lot </3 Thinking about it like this makes things fit together in my mind really well, so thank you a lot for mentioning that as well.

Just... thank you for taking the time to write all of this down in general. I keep bouncing back and forth between "I'm okay and don't need to change anything" and "my life is full of sin that I need to get rid of" and whenever I find that I'm starting to feel a lot better about it, I find something else/someone I know says something that makes me question myself again. It feels so comforting to know that I'm not alone in this and just... ahhh thank you thank you thank you!!

[the-delta-quadrant]

i hate that there's somewhat of an expectation in aro/ace spheres of understanding many different kinds of attraction and even being able to put yourself on a spectrum of said attraction. like for example i just saw a poll directed at ace people that only had options for alloaesthetic aces and nonaesthetic aces, essentially expecting me to understand aesthetic attraction enough to know if and how much i experience it like...

you all, i don't even understand romantic attraction, let alone any tertiary attraction beyond "people of all genders are hot". there's a reason i identify as a nonspecific bi without any suffix, idk what most kinds of attraction are, i just know that i feel whatever kind of attraction towards all genders. the only kind of attraction i can make a clear statement about is sexual in that i don't experience it. otherwise i'm bi, but the specific ways of my bi-ness are beyond my own comprehension and i don't need to know any more besides "everyone hot in a non-rose way". the specifics don't fucking matter to me and i shouldn't be expected to try to understand the incomprehensible just so i can put myself into yet another box

the ace community did this shit with romantic orientation and started expecting every ace to have one and label one and make a statement on romance, which is literally why the term quoiromantic exists in the first place and now, slowly, the aspec community as a whole is trying to do a similar thing with tertiary attraction. can we not?

it's not useful to me to try to understand where i fall on every attraction spectrum, heck, not even the most known ones, and i shouldn't be expected to just to even participate in silly shit like polls

[miraculousdeservesbetter2024]

My preference headcanons for every MLB character! (🌈 Happy Pride Month 🌈)

Note: These are MY personal preference headcanons for the characters. Take it with a grain of salt. Our opinions are allowed to differ, but please respect mine and I’ll respect yours.

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Marinette: Bi, Female Leaning. I see her going both ways, but the reason why I see her female leaning is:

I personally just like that idea! ❤️

It seems that she’s more comfortable with girls than boys (I know that doesn’t necessarily mean that she’s attracted to girls, but eh. Still like the idea).

Her crush on Adrien seems comphet to me (yes, that can happen to Bi people too).

She can be that “preppy queer” archetype.

Adrien: Pan. I was THIS close to making Adrien Bi (female leaning), but I settled with him being Pan. Why? For the sole reason that I see Chat Noir as Pan (and Adrien IS Chat Noir lol). It makes sense 😄 I’m also starting to see him as Gender-fluid.

Alya: Bi, Female Leaning. Listen, I ALWAYS saw Alya into girls, even before her and Nino got together in Animan to be honest with you. But according to canon, it seems like she’s even Straight or Bi, since she’s shown attraction to boys. I mean, she COULD be a comphet Lesbian, but meh. I don’t want to erase the possibility of her being Bi because of her attraction to boys too. We need more Bi rep. 😜 So basically, I now see her as Bi, but female leaning. She prefers girls, but Nino is a sweetie pie 😊

Nino: Bi, female leaning. Nino prefers girls more, but he doesn’t mind dudes either 😉 I actually ship him and Adrien together. If it wasn’t for the love square and DJWifi, I think Nindrien would’ve been more popular.

Chloe: Closest Bi, comphet. Some people might see her as token Straight or a closest Lesbian, but I’ve finally decided that she likes both genders equally. Similar with Marinette, I just see her crush on Adrien as heteronormativity/comphet and also because she’s confusing her plantonic love for him with romantic.

Zoe: Queer. Tbh, I don't know right now. We don't know if she's gay, Bi or anything else, but we DO know that she's queer. She hasn’t shown any interest in boys in canon yet, but I don’t want to throw out the possibility of her being Bi/Pan yet either. 

Sabrina: Closest Pan. Sabrina is the type who thought that she was just an Straight Ally who doesn’t care who’s with who when it came to other peoples’s happiness. Love is love after all. Eventually she finds out that SHE HERSELF doesn’t care either when it comes to HER preferences lol 😂

Luka: Bi, simple but obvious 😌

Kagami: Pan & Demi. Use to see her as Bi (female leaning), but she doesn’t care as long as she can have a strong connection with them. I also see her as a Polyamorous Demi. She’s fine with being in a relationship with more than one person, but only if she has a strong connection with them. When you think about it, I guess that kind of makes Mari and Adrien Polyamorous too since Adrigaminette is my OTP3 huh? 😅

Rose: Pan. Rose loves everybody and anybody. She doesn’t care who it is 😊

Jeluka: Lesbian. I don’t really see Jeluka with any males and I don’t think that I ever did. She’s my little goth Lesbean! 😊

Kim: Bi. He’s perfectly fine with both, as long as he’s having fun 😄

Max: Biromantic Ace, Male Leaning, use to see him as Pan, but I see him more as male leaning now. Doesn’t mean he doesn’t mind girls though. Ones who are kind, sweet or/and match his intellect 😊

Ordine: Straight. Meh, I don’t really see her with females 🤷🏾‍♀️ Ordine ships like Kagami, Alix and Aurore etc. don’t interest me. Might change in the future, but I don’t know.

Mylene: Bi & Demi (male leaning). Her and Ivan together are pretty cute, and I don’t put it pass her to be interested in other boys too. But she is queer.

Ivan: Straight. Ivan was the first character in MLB that I saw as Straight lol

Nathaniel: Bi. I don’t ship him with anyone anymore, but that doesn’t mean he’s not a bi-bean to me 😛 I’m pretty sure he’ll find someone one day.

Marc: Gay, Trans, and Gender-fluid. I don’t really see Marc with girls anymore, so he’s gay now 😛 Also, I know he’s already Androgynous, but I also see him as Trans & Gender-fluid.

Alix: Aromatic Lesbian & Bigender. Like with Max (Ace), Alix was confirmed Aromatic, but I still do see her as a Lesbian. I don’t really imagine Alix being in an long term relationship, but she is interested in females. I did headcanon her Bi in the past, but I don’t really see her interested in any boys anymore tbh

Lila: Pan. She doesn’t care who it is, as long as she can manipulate them to her advantage…🤷‍♀️ Don’t get me wrong though, I do imagine Lila being capable of love and falling for someone, but not immediately.

Aurore: Lesbian (Comphet). I don’t ship her with any boys at all, and all my ships with her are with girls.

Mirelle: Bi (Comphet). Similar with Aurore. Also, I also ship them on the same level as Julrose.

Gabriel: Straight, but I don’t like the idea of him being the stereotypical homophobic parent. He’s a shitty person and parent, but it’s not because he’s homophobic. I did see him as bicurious in the past tho lol

Emillie: Bi. Meh, she gives off that kind of energy, even if she’s been in a coma 😜

Natalie: Bi. I like the headcanon that she’s a Bi woman who had feelings for Emillie too, as well as Gabriel (formally). I don’t know how true that is now, but meh. Still my headcanon.

Ms Mendeleiev: Lesbian. I see her being into women solely for the reason that I shipped her with Bustier lol 😅

Miss Bustier: Bi, but now just Queer. Similar with Zoe, we don't know if she's gay, Bi or anything else, but we DO know that she's queer/sapphic. 

Socqueline: Queer/Sapphic. We most certainly know she’s into girls, especially cute preppy ones that so happen to attend the same school that she use to attend, sees her as a role model to the point where she adapted her hairstyle, is into fashion, works at her parents bakery and unfortunately tends to have crushes on boys who are dum-dums instead of also acknowledging her obvious attraction to girls! 😤

..Wait wha-?

Fei: Lesbian. Plain and simple. Makes sense.

Felix: Like Zoe, I’m not absolutely sure yet. But I do see him being part of the Ace Spectrum.

The other characters I don’t really care about enough to have preference headcanons for. So if you want to know my preference headcanon about them, ask me.