#and i’m always struggling with that change. i feel like a stranger in my body with needs that aren’t MINE.

[lilgynt]

listen peace and love imma need ed blogs to start killing themselves

[yandere-writer-momo]

Yandere Short Stories: Too Late For Remorse

(Prequel)

Yandere Ex Husband x Countess Fem Reader

TW: time regression, cheating (mentioned), yandere, delusional behavior, etc.

“No!” (Your name) shot up from her bed, body covered in a cold sheen of sweat. Her lungs were on fire while her breathing was labored. Her hands fumbled at her neck as her heart pounded in her chest harder than a hammer against wood. She was alive�� but how? She had been poisoned by her husband’s mistress…

(Your name) clambered from her silken sheets. The young lady nearly tripped on the fabric from her haste, but she had to scramble to the mirror… she had to make sure.

(Your name) gasped at her reflection in shock. She was twenty again… no longer was she the sullen, neglected thirty year old wife of Duke Blackburn. She was once again the young Countess (Last name)! She had the means to start over again.

(Your name) sunk to her knees as she smiled at her ceiling. A few tears fell down her cheeks as she sucked in a shaky breath. She wouldn’t waste this second chance, no. She’d get her engagement annulled and live a peaceful life this time… no matter who she had to eliminate. (Your name) would pay her fiancé and his mistress back ten fold for their betrayal.

.

.

.

(Your name) cut up her breakfast with the smallest of smiles on her lips. A week had passed since her time regression and her personality has done a complete one eighty.

No longer was Countess (your name) naive and meek, she was a brighter existence with a determination to learn more knowledge. A change that startled the people around her… especially her father.

Her father, the count, seemed quite curious on the sudden change in his only daughter. (Your name) had always been a young woman interested in romance and fairytales, yet that girl was no longer sat in front of him… she was a stranger now.

“My dear, are you not interested in any sweets?” Count (last name) softly asked his daughter who hadn’t touched any of the desserts presented before her. “These have always been your favorite…”

“I’m sorry, I’m just not interested in sweets anymore.” (Your name) gave her father a soft smile. It wasn’t a lie, she lost her love of sweets in her past life when her husband had made constant comments on her body over the years.

Count (last name) frowned before he sighed. “You also haven’t sent Trishan any letters recently… is everything okay between you two?”

Ah yes… Trishan was his name. (Your name) had called him Duke Blackburn for so long that she had forgotten his name…

“I don’t think he liked me that much is all, father.” (Your name) replied softly. “Plus he’s been awfully close to Lady Serpico’s daughter, Lady Gia.”

Count (last name)’s expression quickly darkened at the mention of Lady Serpico. That nightmare of a woman had damaged the reputation of his wife many years ago before they had gotten married… could she have sent her daughter to try to do the same to his darling (your name)? Was this why she had been acting so strange? Had Duke Blackburn made his daughter feel inferior to a snake?

“I will look into it, my dear daughter.” Her father rose from the table to pat his daughter’s head in an affectionate manner. “I love you so much dear… don’t you ever forget that.”

Of course (your name) hadn’t forgotten that, that’s why she used her father’s love to her advantage. Perhaps he could free her from this fate if he annulled the engagement once he found out about the affair?

(Your name) calmly slipped her tea as a ghost of a smile crawled on her lips. She’s moved her first chest piece, she wondered if her dear fiancé would enjoy the shame?

.

.

.

Trishan shoved all the papers off his desk, his hands clutched at his chest while he struggled to breathe. Where was his fiancée? His darling fiancée?

Trishan’s blue eyes scanned the papers in hopes to spot a letter from her, the ones she used to always send him during this time.

He’s returned to the past before he was blinded by greed… before his long affair with Gia Sherpico… before (your name)’s murder. He could make it all right now since he had the chance to be the husband his beautiful, loyal wife deserved!

Trishan frowned when he hadn’t found any new letters. Was (your name) in good health? She was always such a frail woman… perhaps he should go visit her? Yes! She’d probably be so happy, she always had such a beautiful smile.

Trishan began to gather up all of the papers with a smile on his face. He had already ended things with lady Gia the moment he returned to the past, that snakelike woman wouldn’t pull the rug under him this time! He would not let her sweet lies fill his head and turn him against his darling wife. His innocent wife who had done nothing but love him…

Trishan couldn’t bear to find (your name)’s cold body again… he couldn’t live with himself if she died again. If her lips were blue and she laid in a pile of her own blood like some grotesque halo. No, he would protect her this time!

Trishan sighed dreamily at the thought of this second chance. He’d visit her this weekend with her favorite flowers, baby’s breath! They do mean every lasting love, after all!

A shame Trishan failed to realize was that a large bundle of baby’s breath smelled like feet…

.

.

.

“I’m sorry, but my daughter doesn’t wish to see you.” Trishan felt his blood run cold when he was denied entry into the Count’s home. (Your name) didn’t want to see him? This had to be some sort of sick joke! Yes… that was it.

“Very funny, Count (last name).” Trishan waved off the count as he tried to enter the estate anyways. His large bouquet of baby’s breath caused Count (Last name) even more ire.“(Your name) will be thrilled I’m here-“

“My daughter doesn’t deserve a man who can’t keep it in his pants and someone who’s gift her a bouquet that smells like feet.” The count shoved Duke Blackburn back a few steps, the baby’s breath now laid in a puddle of petals at his feet. “Good day to you!”

Trishan could only stand there in shock, his hands clutched at his chest while his breathing was ragged. It wasn’t supposed to be like this… they were supposed to start over. They were meant to be.

Trishan tried to gather up the flowers in haste but they were already too trampled to fix… he’d have to get her a new bouquet. Perhaps a better scented one at that?

Trishan glanced up at the door, hopeful that this was all a big misunderstanding. (Your name) could never hate him… her father must be keeping her away from him.

[augustinewrites]

as a captain in the luofu’s sky-faring commission, you’re no stranger to late nights. there’s always lots to do. there are expense reports to sign off on, mission summaries to type up, patrols to assign. the workload is never ending. 

“here are the reports you requested, captain,” a young, bright eyed cadet says as she places a stack of papers onto an empty corner of the desk. “and your coffee.”

“thank you.” you take the cup, flashing her a grateful smile before taking a quick sip. the warm, bitter sip of espresso is exactly what you need to get through the tail end of your night.  “i've sent you all the maneuvers we’ll be practicing next week, as well as patrol assignments for the month. if you have any questions–”

a few gasps cut you off, the attention of your fellow pilots drawn to the entrance. 

“it’s general jing yuan!” they whisper giddily. 

your brows furrow slightly. “jing yuan?”

“yes, love?” 

you startle slightly when a pair of arms wrap around your waist, a shock of white hair entering your peripheral as the most powerful man on the xianzhou luofu nuzzles the crook of your neck.

“dismissed. i’ll see you all tomorrow morning,” you say quickly to the starry-eyed pilots in front of you. they scramble quickly, leaving you alone with your husband, who gives them a lazy salute.

“i missed you,” he murmurs, his breath smelling strongly of osmanthus wine. 

“and i, you,” you assure him, twisting in his hold to face him and patting his cheek lightly. you see now that he’s dressed down in only the soft material of his shirt and trousers, forgoing heavy leathers and armour fashioned for a general.

when was the last time you'd seen him so relaxed in public? unburdened by the needs and conflicts within the luofu? 

jing yuan preens at your attention, grasping your hand to press a kiss to your palm. he gazes at you, cheeks rosy and eyelids already beginning to droop. “shall we take our leave then?”

gods, he’s starting to lean, resting his body weight against yours so you’re struggling to hold him up. “you certainly should, love. i’ll meet you at home once i’ve finished my work.”

“i suppose i shall wait for you then,” he concedes with a great sigh, suddenly pulling away. it appears your suggestion has fallen on deaf ears, because jing yuan drags an empty chair over to your desk, plopping down into it. 

given his drunken state, it’d be unwise to leave him to return home unsupervised. you wouldn’t be there to stop him from purchasing an unreasonable amount of baked goods (again) on the way home. 

“fear not, lover,” he grins, crossing a leg over his knee as he makes himself comfortable. “i shall endeavour to be as silent as a mouse while you work.”

you highly doubt his ability to do so, but know that arguing with him is pointless. once the general makes a decision, his mind is impossible to change. 

so he sits as quietly as he can manage, fingers drumming rapidly against his knee as he hums. it takes you a minute to identify the tune, but when you do your pen stops.

“is that our first dance song?”

“indeed.”

his chair scrapes the floor loudly as he drags it next to yours, leaning his head against your shoulder. 

“jing yuan,” you sigh, rubbing your temple. “i can’t work when you’re like this.”

he takes your hand, slipping his fingers between yours. “do you find my affection…distracting?”

“incredibly.”

you very nearly cave when he brushes your hair aside, nosing at the side of your neck before pressing his lips to your pulse. “then it appears i’m doing my job as your husband.” 

you stare hard at the expense reports, trying your best to focus with your lion of a man clinging to your side.

you feel a little guilty when you pull away from him, a whine escaping his pouting lips. you stand, straightening your uniform and stepping back to avoid his grasp

“stay here,” you instruct. “i’m just going to run to the archives room.”

jing yuan, as expected, does no such thing. 

giggles and odd looks are cast in your direction at the sight of an arbiter general trailing after you. 

“helm master!” he suddenly calls out, voice echoing through the building. your gaze darts to where his is fixed, spotting yukong walking towards you both. “i command you to relieve my wife from her duties for the night.”

she glances between the two of you, amused. “well, who am i to ignore an order from general jing yuan?”

“it’s really not necessary–”

yukong places a hand on your shoulder. “go.enjoy your night. besides, i doubt anyone will be able to get any work done with him moping about until you finish.”

she heads back to her post before you can protest, leaving you alone with the very satisfied general.

“come along, dear,” he says, scooping you up with ease and heaving you over his shoulder. he lands a firm smack to your rear when you squeal, arguing to be put down. “let’s head home and see if we can recreate the rest of our wedding night, hm?”

a/n: little drabble for @mydiluc for letting me ramble on about our fave men at random hours of the day ☺️ thank you my starshine sugarplum cupcake angel i appreciate you!!

[justangelheree]

jealous- chris sturniolo (18+)

masterlist

warnings: use of pet names, choking, oral(m&f receiving), unprotected sex (plz wrap before u tap it), pulling hair, cremepie, lowkey dom chris bc lol also not proof read but enjoy

summary: chris and reader are best friends but will one halloween party change that?

i’m sitting in the car with the triplets and we’re playing smash or pass for there youtube channel. chris wouldn’t shut up about betty boop and how she was bad as fuck.

“chris that’s actually crazy we’re not talking literally” i say laughing at him from the backseat. nick then starts laughing as chris starts to defend himself. “i said what i said she bad” i roll my eyes and tell matt to go to the next one.

“smash or pass.. steve harrington from stranger things” matt said looking at me and nick. i look to matt an smile as i speak “smash 100% he could” before i could finish chris spoke “i thought this wasn’t literal” i closed my mouth holding in my laugh. “i don’t care smash all day everyday” i said while the boys mouths were wide open.

as the video ended matt drove back to their apartment. we arrived as i got out the car and wrapped my arms around chris pulling him into a hug since him and matt just argued. he hugged back and took a deep breath in as he wrapped his arms around my waist. “come on it’s alright” i say grabbing his hand dragging him inside.

i walk to the kichen his hand still in mine as i sat next to nick and chris stood behind me while matt was getting a drink. “are we going to nessas halloween party? madi said shes going” nick says looking up from his phone. “i’m always down to get dressed up and i think i have a costume in mind” i spoke leaning back on the chair looking up at chris as he started speaking. “i think i have something in mind too” he looks down at me smiling.

chris grab a pepsi from the fridge as nick and matt both said their goodnights to us. “ready to go to bed i’m exhausted” i say tilting my head at chris as he shuts the fridge. “yeah i’m ready ma” chris said with a raspy voice. i bit my lip as he starts to walk upstairs while i follow behind.

he opens the door as i walk to his draw and got out some of my pajamas because i tend to stay here a lot i’ve know these boys for to long. l start to take off my pants and shirt leaving me in my underwear and bra. chris is sitting on the bed watching me as i look at him in the mirror he smirks at me as i put my head down blushing. i put just a baggy t-shirt on as i go to lay next to him.

i pull the blanket up on us as chris puts his head in my chest. i put my hand in his hair as i drifted off to sleep.

*the day of the party*

i facetime nick because he wanted to get ready on facetime. “heyy nick im actually so excited” i say smiling. “i know i haven’t been to a party in awhile so i’m a little nervous” he said back. “yes exactly i feel like im gonna look like such a slut” i speak as i pull my makeup out. “i promise you’ll look good if people think other wise they can fuck themselfs” nick said reassuring me. i laughed as i struggled to get out a thank you.

i finish my makeup as nick is putting on his costume. “nick i will see you in like 30 minutes i have to do my hair and put my dress on, and remember no showing me what you’re dressed as we all agreed to keep it a secret” i say. “i know i know see you in a bit” he said rolling his eyes sarcastically. “okayy i love uu” i said screaming into the phone. “i love you too” he screamed back. i hung up the phone as i started to play music.

i started to do my hair jamming out to my playlist chris created for me. as i finish my hair and slowly start to take all the pieces for my costume out of the box. i put my red dress on looking at myself in the mirror and turning around looking how good my body looked. i slipped on the red garter to my thigh an putt my heels on. i sent a text to nick letting him know i’ll be there soon.

i hopped in my car an started to drive to the place the party was being held turning up the radio. i pulled up as i looked around to see all the cars outside. i parked my car as i got out grabbing my purse walking to the door.

as i walked in i saw nessa and madi so i knew the triplets had to be here. i walked up to them. “you guys look so good” i said hugging them. “omg girl you are so hot” madi says pulling way. “thank you mads but do you know where the boys are?”i question. she point her fingers over to the kitchen. i nod my head as i say my goodbyes.

i slowly walk into the kitchen and i lock eyes with matt who’s jaw is on the floor as i put my finger to my lips telling him to shoosh because i wanted to surprise chris. before i could walk behind chris someone stopped me.

“hey how have you been!” i turned around to see who it was. it was an old friend of mine he went to my highschool. “where’s time gone you look so grown but i’m doing good how about you?” i ask looking up at him. i feel a stare behind but i choose to ignore it.

“i’m good it’s been so long since i’ve seen you and you look amazing” he spoke flirtatiously. my smile dropped realizing he was trying to make a move. “thank you it was nice seeing you” i said as i gave him a small hug as his hands wrapped around my waist but i pulled away right then and there.

i waved at him as i turned around my eyes met a very sexy steve harrington who has his jaw clenched. i walk my way over to the triplets and put my hands out giving a “surprise” look. “omg! you look actually so amazing” nick said pulling me into a hug. “mr harrington over here couldn’t stop looking at you” matt laughed as he pulled me into a hug as well.

i laugh as i pull away and make it to chris. his reaction changes as he takes me in looking me from top to bottom as he licks his lips. i look up to him with doe eyes as i put my hands around his neck pulling him into a hug. he wraps his hand right above my ass.

“like what you see mr harrington” i whisper in his ear as i pull away arms still wrapped around his neck. he looks down onto he as his hands slowly move down my ass. “i love what i see mrs betty boop” he whispers back.

i look to my left and realize nick and matt are gone i giggle as i turn back to chris. i grab his hand as i lead him outside where we can get away from everyone. “i can’t believe you dressed up as steve like i could kiss you right now” i said looking up at him. “why don’t you? … or do you want that other guy in there. he sure wanted a piece of you.” chris spoke with a tang of anger.

“why would i want him when i have you” i said licking my lips looking back and forth between his lips and eyes. he rises his hand to my cheek closing the gap between us connecting our lips. i wrap my hand in his hair slightly tugging as his hand moved from my face to my neck squeezing lightly.

i moaned against his lips as he slips his tounge into my mouth as we fought for dominance, him obviously winning. his other hand sliding down my dress kneading my ass in his hand. i tilt my head back as he replaced his hand with his lips on my neck.

“as much as i love and appreciate this outfit i need to get it off of you” chris looked down at me as i bit my lip. he grabbed my hand and ran to find an empty room. as we reach a room completely empty he shut the door and locked it connecting our lips once again.

my hands went under his shirt feeling his torso and chest as i pulled it over his head. he unzipped my dress as i step out of it his pants are tossed on the floor with it. i reach for my thigh to take my garter chris stops me. “leave it on” he spoke demanding. i nod my head as i slowly start to kneel on the ground.

chris groans from the way he doesn’t even need to tell you what to do. i pull down his boxers watching his hard dick bounce onto his torso. i pump him with my hand as he steps on out his boxers. “come on ma.. put that pretty mouth to use” he said putting his hand on my head not messing up my hair.

i reply with taking him in my mouth as he threw his head back with a moan. i started to bop my head up and down with his hand guiding me. “as much as i’m enjoying this i want to cum in that pretty pussy of yours” he spoke grabbing my hand pulling me up.

he reconnected our lips and picked me up. i wrapped my legs around him as he took me to the bed and laid me down. he started planting light bruises on my neck as he made his way down and unclipped my bra. “you’re the prettiest girl i’ve see in my life” he said hands groping my boobs.

i whine out at his actions as he tongue meets my nipples sucking. his hand reach farther down and get to my side as he pops of my nipple leaving kisses along my torso. i bring my hand down to move his hair so i could see his face.

he reached my pussy as he took my underwear an put it in his pocket as he opened my legs. my pussy on full display for me glistening from the light as he used two fingers to spread it open. “you’ve been hiding this beautiful thing from me” he spoke rubbing my clit.

i moan as my hand reaches farther into his hair almost tugging. “gonna be a good girl for me and let me eat you out.” he said putting a finger in me. my head titled back “yes i’ll be good.. just please chris” i desperately whispered.

he went in bringing his lips and tounge to my clit while pumping a finger in and out of me. i grip his hair as i roll my eyes back. he groans against me sending a vibration through my whole body.

he adds a second finger going a little faster this time as i moan out his name. “chris! .. fuck i’m bout to cum please!” i almost scream out. he pulls away from now taking his fingers out and rubbing my clit. “not yet baby i wanna fuck it out of you” i moan at his words as he towers over me.

he gives me a kiss before flipping me on my stomach so i’m face down ass up. he lets me get comfortable before slowly putting his dick in me. i groan against the pillow as his hands grip my hips. he sets a slow pace groaning while going in and out.

“god you’re so tight ma.. i’m gonna go a little faster now” he spoke. i nodded my head eagerly needing him to go faster. he rocked me back and forth against him as he’s hand came down to grip my hair. “fuck.. just like that chris!” i grip the sheets underneath my fingers.

“such a slut.. wanting me to be rough with you” he said tightening his hand that was in hair. “yes chris i’m your slut” i breathlessly spoke. “just mine” he whispered bringing me up so my back was against his chest. i turn my head to lock lips with him as one of us hands wrapped around neck and other around my torso keeping me stable.

all i could hear was unsteady moans, skin slapping, and the music faintly from downstairs. i cleached around him as he moans into my lips. i dragged my arm behind his head gripping a hold of him as he pounded into me. “shit chris! im not gonna last much longer” i spoke tilting my head back.

“it’s okay baby let it out i’m right behind ya” he said dragging his hand from my neck to my clit rubbing in circles. i close my eyes as my hand clings onto his hair slightly pulling. “oh god chris” i almost screamed out as i let myself go.

i clenched around him as my legs started to slight shake as he filled me up moaning in my ear. “what a good girl letting me just stuff you” he said letting me catch my breath. he pulled out and laid us down on the bed.

i was about to fall asleep until i heard nick scream “chris and y/n! where are you guys, we need to take pictures!” chris chuckled as he looked over to me putting his hand out so we could get up. i groan as i take his hand and get up tossing him his clothes.

i start to put my whole outfit on for a second time today as i looked up to see chris fully dressed behind me zipping up my dress. i smile at him as i turn around and kiss him. “come on ma wouldn’t want them waiting” he smirked as i nod my head. i look at myself in the mirror and surprisingly, my hair was still good, but my lipstick was ruined.

we walked outside the room with chris’s arm around my waist. “there you guys are come on we need to hurry” nick said smiling pulling us downstairs. i interlock my hands with chris as we walked to all of our friends.

if you want to be tagged lmk!

tags: @lustfulslxt @oversturn

[stayxlix]

Ok ok so feel free to bend and change this request to your liking. I been asking some of my favorite writers to try this request to see what they can come up with and I’m excited to see what you can do with this.

I was wondering if I can request a Felix story. Where y/n is dating hyunjin felix best friend and Felix at the beginning feels really guilty for liking her so much and always thinking about her. And one time when hyunjin leaves the reader and Felix alone, Felix snaps and kisses her which kinda freaks her out so he has no choice but to kidnap her because of his own jealousy and want. It’s a yandere type of story. If you don’t feel comfortable writing something that I request you can totally bend the story to your liking to feel more comfortable. Thank you ❤️

a/n: hiii<33 here it is FINALLY!!! i have to admit a yandere concept is something i had never thought about writing myself but im so happy you requested this type of concept because stepping out of my comfort zone is something i really enjoy, and i did take your input to shape the story in a way that felt comfortable for me.<3 im so thankful that you chose to trust me with your request, and that you consider me one of your favorite writers.🤗💕i really hope it lives up to expectations.🤭 (also i apologize in advance for the abrupt ending, that is the part i struggled with most so please forgive me for the massive cliffhanger🥹).

wc: 3.8k

pairing: yandere!felix x reader (f), hyunjin x reader (f)

warnings: yandere themes, obsessive behavior, stalking, manipulation, male masturbation, 18+ **minors do not interact**, please lmk if i missed any!!

The moment you stepped into Felix's life, it was as if a match had been struck in a dry forest, setting off a wildfire of emotions. From the very first time he’d laid eyes on you, Felix felt the heat of that blaze ripping through his soul. And if only you had taken the time to look—really look—into those deceptively innocent brown eyes, you might just have been able to see the flames raging behind them before it was too late.

Felix was a good friend. A loyal friend.

As a result of his tendency to put his friends first, he often found himself dragged into situations he had no desire to be a part of.

And tonight was no exception.

Tucked away in a corner underneath the dim, multi-colored lights of a crowded party, Felix stood nursing a half-empty cup of stale beer that had long lost its appeal. Boredom gnawed at him, urging him to leave, yet he lingered. His eyes darted to the entrance every so often with the desperate hope that Hyunjin—the sole reason he had even chosen to attend the party at all—would be next to walk through.

But as the minutes dragged on without any sign of his best friend, Felix's frustration grew. The obnoxious music was far too loud, the alcohol not nearly strong enough to dull the disappointment of the evening, so Felix huffed out a sigh as he reached for his phone. Bypassing his earlier unanswered messages to Hyunjin, he typed out one final message to let his best friend know that he was calling it a night and would meet him back at their shared apartment.

After pressing send and shoving his phone back into his pocket, Felix pushed off the wall. Tossing the cup into the nearest trash, he turned toward the exit. But before he could take a single step further, before his foot had even hit the ground, he was gripped by a sudden shift in the atmosphere—a change that swept through the room. Through Felix.

The door swung open and in the split second that followed, the party around him was dulled into nothing but a distant hum. To say that Felix was captivated by the figure that walked through the door would have been an incredible understatement.

Unable to look away, a shallow breath caught in his throat as his gaze traced the contours of the stranger’s body— of your body—the way the dress clung to your figure underneath the soft tangerine glow of the flickering party lights. The way long slits in the black material revealed teasing glimpses of your silhouette in the most enticing way.

You stepped further into the room, and it was almost as if an unseen force had guided your focus toward Felix, too. Because as your eyes swept over the chaos of the party, they effortlessly bypassed the rest of the crowd and landed directly on his.

A shy smile tugged at the corners of your lips as you caught the intensity of his stare, yet the glint in your eyes hinted at something far less innocent. And it was right then and there that Felix decided that he had to know you, to feel you—taste you. In every possible way.

Driven by some unexplainable primal desire, his feet began to move of their own accord. He shouldered through the crowd, anticipation electrifying the air around him as he took a step closer to you. One step closer, and then another and—

Then Hyunjin walked in behind you. 

In such a cruel twist of fate, Hyunjin followed you through that door. And with the confidence that only Hyunjin could exude, his arm casually slipped around your shoulders, claiming you as his own. 

Felix's stride faltered as he came to a sudden stop. His heart plummeted, a heavy weight settling in its place as he watched you turn to Hyunjin. Your smile grew, blossoming into a radiant expression that drove a dagger straight through his chest.

Laughter cut through the air like shards of glass as he registered the uncomfortable press of sweaty bodies that danced too close. The rhythm of the music throbbed louder than ever in his temples, its bass pounding a relentless echo in his chest that only amplified the emptiness he felt as he watched from across the crowd as Hyunjin leaned in to whisper something to your ear. Something meant for only you to hear.

You turned your head and planted a brief, affectionate kiss on Hyunjin's lips in response, and the single dagger in Felix's heart was replaced by a thousand.

When Hyunjin glanced up from the kiss, his eyes immediately found Felix lingering in the crowd. Warmth spread across his face as the familiar smile he reserved for his best friend lit up the room.

Felix lifted his hand in a single wave—an attempt to appear casual and completely unaffected by the way your fingers seamlessly intertwined with Hyunjin's as the older boy began to lead you over.

The space between you was reduced to less than a foot—thanks to the pressing crowd—and in that close proximity, Felix found himself engulfed by the subtle scent of your perfume. Its sweetness was reminiscent of a warm summer evening, enticing his senses just enough to leave him wanting more.

After apologizing for his dead phone battery, Hyunjin strained to introduce you over the music. Every syllable of your name echoed through Felix’s mind, and as Hyunjin went on to recount the story of how the two of you had met, his voice became nothing more than a distant murmur. Quite frankly, Felix didn’t really care how Hyunjin had been fortunate enough to know you first. So he tuned out his best friend and dedicated the entirety of his focus to stealing glances in your direction, struggling to keep his gaze from lingering too long. And Felix decided that not only were you stunning, but your aura, too, was nothing short of magnetic. Confidence radiated from you in a way that was just as intoxicating as the sweetness of your fragrance. Your eyes, however, refused to leave Hyunjin. And Felix couldn't help but wonder what he would have to do to capture your attention like that.

But Felix was a good friend.

So like any good friend would, he pushed away the thought. He clenched his fist and drew in a steadying breath. With significant effort, he plastered a smile across his face—one that didn't quite reach his eyes—and turned to his best friend. "I was actually on my way out," he said. "Not feeling well, sorry mate.”

Hyunjin frowned at the interruption. His eyes glazed over with worry as he studied Felix’s face before reaching over to offer him a reassuring pat on the back. "Sure, man,” he said. “Take care. See you back home.” And Felix didn’t need to wonder why Hyunjin didn’t push him any further to stay. If he were in Hyunjin’s shoes, he would’ve don’t the very same thing—if only for the opportunity to have you all to himself.

Felix almost regretted his decision to leave when you stepped forward and met his eyes for the second time that night, your delicate features softening in a way that made his knees weak.

"Nice meeting you, Felix.”

Fuck.

The way your voice wrapped around his name, the way it rolled off your tongue had his cock straining in his already too-tight pants.

“Hope you feel better,” you added, with a smile so saccharine it had Felix feeling far more intoxicated than any amount of alcohol ever could.

Somehow, he managed a weak nod in your direction before dropping his gaze and hurriedly making his way to the door. His heart hammered in his chest like a desperate plea, urging him to stay and grasp at the fragile thread of hope he’d felt when he first laid eyes on you.

But Felix was a good friend.

And so he fought the urge to look back as he stepped outside. The night air wrapped around him, cool against his skin, but the fire inside him burned brighter than ever as you stoked the flames in his mind.

—

Upon returning to their shared apartment, Felix found no respite in the solitude of his room. He tossed and turned in the darkness, putting every ounce of effort he had into forcing thoughts of you from his mind.

The rational part of him recognized the boundaries, the loyalty owed to Hyunjin..And he tried—he really did. Even as his hand crept down to palm the growing bulge in his boxers, he knew it was wrong. But his fingers betrayed the internal conflict, slipping beneath his waistband to wrap around the base of his pulsing cock. His eyes screwed shut as he tugged slowly, picturing how your lips would look wrapped around it—how your mouth would feel, how your eyes would look shimmering with tears when you choked on it. He edged himself, because Felix liked to mix pleasure with pain. And just as he was finally about to grant himself the release he so desperately craved, Felix was yanked back to reality by the soft thud of the front door closing.

Hushed whispers began to fill the silent space on the other side of his bedroom door. Felix immediately recognized his best friend’s voice, accompanied by—

Yours.

Felix stilled with his hand still wrapped around his cock. He listened to the shuffling of footsteps, hushed laughter, and then, the decisive click of Hyunjin's bedroom door closing—and locking.

His thoughts immediately went to the possibilities playing out on the other side of the shared wall. And it didn’t take long before sounds of pleasure filled the air, growing into filthy sounds of skin slapping on skin. Felix couldn't believe his ears as the sweetest moans he’d ever heard began to seep through the cracks in the wall. Moans coming from your mouth as you were getting fucked by his best friend. Your voice rose, spewing Hyunjin’s name like some prayer, and Felix was certain he had never been this hard in his entire fucking life. Panting, his eyes screwed shut and suddenly he was pumping his cock again two—three more times until he heard you shout, “F-fuck Hyunjin I’m cumming!” and Felix came with you. The hardest he ever had, thick ropes of white shooting across his abdomen. 

After he’d finished and was thoroughly disgusted with himself, Felix lie there hoping that he wouldn’t have to interact with you in the morning. That you would be gone before the sun rose—following the pattern of those before you who had occupied Hyunjin's world for a single night. Although Felix was positive he would never find anyone quite like you, he could get over you—he would force himself to get over you, because of the unwavering loyalty he held for his best friend who had been by his side for as long as he could remember. 

Felix didn't even know you. And so, it should be easy enough to forget you, he thought.

Straightforward.

Already done.

Except for the fact that it wasn’t. Because as the weeks unfolded, it became painfully clear that your presence in Hyunjin's life—and thus, in Felix's life—would become far more profound than any fleeting one night stand. 

In the beginning, Felix had done a decent job at maintaining his distance. But the more time he spent around you, the harder it became to contain whatever it was that was burning inside of him. And it certainly didn’t help that Hyunjin insisted on weaving you into their lives. Inviting you to their late-night movie marathons, welcoming you to their favorite hangout spots, ensuring that you were always included in their plans. Felix found himself torn between the agony of watching you grow closer to his best friend and the sheer ecstasy of having you near.

Naturally, Hyunjin remained blissfully unaware of the effect you had on Felix, too wrapped up in you himself. But Felix was a good friend, determined to ensure that his commitment to his friendship would prevail. And he couldn’t deny the happiness you brought into his best friend's life. He had never seen Hyunjin so content—his expressions more animated, his laughter more genuine, his smiles more frequent than ever before. So Felix gritted his teeth and buried his attraction beneath layers of forced indifference. He put on thoughtful expressions when you spoke, despite the fact that the only thing he could think about was slipping his aching length between your legs. He smiled at you, and pretended like his cock wasn’t raw from how he abused it every night while scrolling through candid pictures of you he'd snapped without your permission. He went out of his way to make you feel comfortable, when all he wanted was for someone to make you cry so that he could be the one to wipe your tears.

Like a seasoned performer, as the months slipped by Felix became adept at masking the flames of longing and desire that raged beneath the surface. He became good at it..Until late one afternoon, in the quiet expanse of the library’s upper floor, when Felix came across you as he was heading home for the day. Your nose was buried in a heavy book, brow furrowed in concentration. And as Felix stood there, captivated by the sight of the setting sun's golden rays delicately brushing across your features, he etched the moment into the corridors of his memory, preserving it for...later reflection. You lifted your head, meeting his eyes like you had the very first night you'd met, and suddenly Felix wasn't sure how much longer he would be able to keep up the act. There was a brief pause from both of you—a silent acknowledgment of Hyunjin’s absence—before you graced Felix with a small wave.

Praying that his eagerness remained hidden, Felix made his way toward you. "Need some help?" he asked, his deep voice carrying a gentle undertone that eased some of the tension in your shoulders. You had always been comfortable with Felix, and he had always known it.

You sighed with exasperation, and it took everything for Felix not to let his gaze linger on your lips—soft and inviting, and a little swollen, as if you had been biting them in contemplation. “I’ve been at this for hours and normally Hyunjin helps me with this stuff, but he's been swamped with rehearsals lately,” you said.

Felix, suppressing the swirl of emotions triggered by the novelty of being alone with you, mustered a warm smile with sincerity that he made sure was reflected his eyes. "Is there anything I can help with?"

—

After the study session, Felix insisted that he walk you home—it was late, dark, and he genuinely cared about your safety amidst the unpredictable nighttime campus atmosphere. After all, what kind of friend would he be to Hyunjin if he let something happen to you? The conversation between you flowed effortlessly as it always did, and when you reached your doorstep you turned to him with a grateful smile, your eyes reflecting the trust that had blossomed between you over time. "Thank you, Lixie,” you said. The affection in your tone resonated like a soothing melody, and Felix couldn't help but revel in the nickname he had grown so fond of. "I really appreciate your help tonight," you added.

Felix returned your smile. "Anytime," he replied, "I'm just a text away if you need anything. Have a good night."

In the days that followed your meeting in the library, a seemingly natural rhythm developed between you and Felix. After discreetly familiarizing himself with your schedule and study habits, Felix began to strategically position himself in the library. He made sure to be there during those moments when you studied while patiently waiting for Hyunjin to conclude his dance practice.

Felix spent those precious hours focused entirely on you. He marveled at the way your eyes lit up with understanding, the soft sighs of relief when a difficult concept finally clicked. And he couldn't help but wonder whether your conversations held the same weight for you as they did for him. He wondered if you shared the details of your time spent together with Hyunjin. Or if perhaps, like Felix, you wanted to keep those shared moments a secret. 

A substantial pang of guilt gripped Felix's chest whenever he thought about it..But Hyunjin never mentioned anything—the routine of their friendship continued without interruption—and with time, the guilt dwindled. Fading into insignificance until it was hardly there at all.

Before he knew it, every innocent interaction between the two of you had become a significant event in his mind. Every stolen moment with you fueled his desire, long after Felix stopped trying to convince himself that what he felt was wrong. A friendly hug became an embrace laden with unspoken emotions. A playful nudge became a secret message, a whispered promise of something more. He couldn't see the truth anymore—couldn't separate reality from the distorted perceptions in his mind. He would lose himself to fantasies where he'd confess his love and you would respond by affirming that you felt the same. And Hyunjin would support the two of you—understanding and encouraging the connection between you and Felix—because Hyunjin was a good friend too.

Unfortunately, you were so madly in love with Hyunjin that you hadn’t noticed how the behavior of his roommate was a little..off. 

That particular evening, Hyunjin hadn’t planned on running late when he told you meet him at their apartment for your anniversary. When you texted him to let him know that you were there, he’d responded with a simple message:

Practice went late again I'm sorry, baby. Lix is there, he'll let you in. Call you when I'm outside, I'm taking you to dinner. Love u.

Your eyes, fixed on your phone screen, met Felix’s only briefly when he opened the door. As you stepped past him your thoughts remained focused solely on Hyunjin and how excited you were to see him. To be in his arms, to kiss him and exchange the details of your day. “Thanks, Lixie," you said, voice trailing as you made your way toward Hyunjin's room.

But you paused in front of Felix's room on the way, curiosity piqued by the soft lavender glow escaping from the cracked door. Drawn in by your favorite color, you ventured further inside, tossing your phone and purse onto the bed as you had done numerous times before. You found Felix's new computer setup, adorned with the vibrant purple lights that cast a mesmerizing aura throughout the room. The hum of the powerful machine filled the air, accompanied by a song from your favorite band. Your ears caught the familiar melody, though you didn't fully process the significance of it. You hummed casually, not realizing that Felix had intentionally picked the track just for you. The entire setup spoke volumes about Felix's passion for technology and his very, very meticulous attention to detail. 

Your fingers traced the sleek edges of the keyboard, and Felix couldn’t help but notice the way your skirt rode up when you bent over to get a closer look. He ran his tongue along his bottom lip as his eyes devoured the curve of your ass. “Check out the cable management at the back. Its nerdy, but I've spent quite some time making sure its all organized,” he said, knowing damn well that you would need to bend over further to see it. Which is exactly what you did, allowing Felix catch a full glimpse of the red lacy panties you had on underneath your skirt.

Fuck.

His favorite color. Had you worn them for him? Did Hyunjin even know you were coming over tonight?

Every question he’d ever had about your intentions swirled in his mind until Felix knew that he couldn't let uncertainty linger any longer.

When you stood and turned around, his lips were on yours.

Cherry flavored lip gloss, just like the one he had swiped from your purse last week in the library. For a split second, your lips pressed ever so slightly harder against his before you pulled back, covering your mouth with a hand. Your eyes went wide with shock. "Lixie...We’re friends..” you whispered. “We’re friends”, you repeated, a little firmer this time. 

Abruptly, your eyes darted to your illuminated phone screen on the bed. Following your gaze, Felix observed the caller ID, and he had never felt more like a fool. The stark reality hit him with unforgiving force as he witnessed the love mirrored in your eyes when you stared down at the glowing image of Hyunjin. He saw the depth of your very real feelings for his best friend, and how he had misinterpreted everything.

But Felix was so far gone that when you reached for your phone, his hands moved of their own accord, pushing it off the bed and sending it clattering to the floor. “Felix..” you whispered. But another impulse had him kicking your phone underneath the door—the door you hadn't realized he had closed behind you when you’d entered the room.

“Don't answer that,” he muttered, his own eyes wide with desperation. “Just...Just listen, please just let me explain," he begged, shifting in front of the closed door and reaching behind to lock it.

The shock in your expression mirrored the terror of a creature caught in the midst of an uncontrollable forest fire. And Felix felt creeping panic begin to take hold within him because this isn't how it was supposed to happen. You weren't supposed to be looking at him like that. Desperation clawed at his throat, his heart pounded in his chest, "I can explain," he pleaded. The taste of your lips lingered on his, a bittersweet reminder of his impulsive action. He observed the subtle tremor in your hands, a sign of your unease. He felt the hurt in your eyes—a hurt he had caused. And he knew that he had to fix this.

He just needed more time.

“Felix, what are you doing?" you whispered as he took a step toward you. Your eyes darted toward the door, his fingers brushed the fabric of your sleeve, and the raging inferno within Felix exploded. The crackling heat seared through his veins and—

The distant click of the front door closing echoed from the hallway.

And the realization hit Felix like a sudden downpour—What kind of friend would he be if he let Hyunjin find out what he’d done?

[theidiotwhowritesthings]

Hi JJ :] could I make a request for a din x reader fic? It’s just dancing with him (I have a feeling that you’re a swiftie so I’m gonna say inspired by dancing with our hands tied)

anyway thank you for considering this! Love you very much :]

[a/n: lolol spot on, my friend. I am in fact a swiftie and i forgot how much i loved this song until i re-listened to it. it's technically not just dancing, i got carried away as i always do, but dancing does happen so....]

Mandalor!Din Djarin x Royal Female!Reader

Warnings: mentions of sexual history, so smut adjacent?, arranged marriage, technically cheating b/c reader is engaged (but she's never even met the dude so does it even really count?)

Word Count: 1,885

Summary: Your love came with an expiration date. Doomed to fail from the second you met him.

DEEP BLUE, BUT YOU PAINTED ME GOLDEN

"I'd kiss you as the lights went out, swaying as the room burned down. I'd hold you as the water rushes in, if I could dance with you again." ⏤ Dancing With Our Hands Tied (Taylor Swift)

Your world ended the moment you met Din Djarin.

For all of your life, you were the perfect royal daughter. You followed the rules, wrapped around you like chains, with no struggle. Picture perfect and sinless. Raised to be a representation of your kingdom and a political token to be bartered. It was all you had known, and you never complained. You loved your parents, your family, your people, and if being tied to a stranger in marriage helped them in some way you would do it. 

You never questioned that sacrifice. Not until a meeting, held by your father, brought together rulers from all the neighboring worlds in hopes to unify and create alliances. When the Mandalor walked in, you felt a shift in your very soul. There was no logical reason why. He was decked, head to toe, in brilliant beskar armor⏤ a thick, red robe hanging off one shoulder. His presence alone had changed everything, and when your father made introductions and you heard Mandalor Din Djarin speak your name in his low, modulated voice, you knew nothing would be the same again. You learned that night that he felt the same pull you did. Involuntary and irresistible.

Din Djarin woke you from a slumber you didn’t know you existed in. Your life had been shades of gray and blue for so long that it seemed to be all you were capable of. Someone who had never seen the sun would never miss or crave the light. But, he painted your world in color. Red shades of passion, golden shades of pleasure, and cool beskar silver.

The two of you took every opportunity and more to see one another. Nobody in either of your lives suspected anything. You were an obedient, royal daughter betrothed to a prince, and Din was the well respected Mandalor who would find a riddur in another Mandalorian. In their eyes, nothing would ever come from that beyond friendship and a strong alliance between your worlds. However, when their eyes looked away, behind closed doors, those lines were blurred. The lines didn’t even exist. 

It was hard to find the sin in this relationship when Din had his head buried between your legs. There wasn’t an ounce of regret in your soul every time you laid in the dark listening to Din’s deep, hoarse voice murmur and grunt praises in your ear as he drove his cock overwhelmingly deep into you. The warmth of his tongue on your skin, the taste of his cum lingering in your mouth, the feel of his strong hands exploring every inch of you⏤ it was a pleasure you hadn’t thought possible in the life destined for you. The only time guilt seeped into you was when the passion slowed down. When you laid on your belly, bare, as Din’s heavy and hot body laid on top of you with his uncovered face buried in the crook of your neck. Din would wrap his arms around you lovingly and whisper about a future the two of you could never have. A home with land on a quiet, nondescript world where neither of you had to hide your love and a family could be started. It was a life you didn’t know you wanted until you met Din. For the first time in your life, you wanted something and the guilt of that desire ate you alive.

This dance continued for nearly a year before your lives dragged you apart.

It was time for you to meet your fiance and move forward with your engagement. Saying goodbye to Din was heart wrenching. What hurt the most was that it was a goodbye neither of you truly wanted. It was responsibility to the worlds you came from that pulled you apart. Leaving one another felt like fighting gravity itself.

“My daughter, smile.” Your mother cooed as she reached out to readjust the mask covering your upper face. It matched the gown you currently wore. When your engagement party was planned, multiple themes were offered to you and you passively went with whatever your parents thought was best. Which turned out to be a Masquerade. Not that it mattered. No party would lift your spirits. “What’s wrong?”

“I guess I’m just nervous to meet the prince.” You replied simply. The party was in full swing and your fiance would be here any minute now. A hiccup in his travel plans made him late, but not late enough to cancel the party unfortunately. It was still in full swing with a mass of masked people dancing happily.

Your mother chuckled and cupped your face, “Don’t be nervous. The prince will be a good match for you. We made sure to pick someone kind and fair. Someone who will be good to you.”

You forced a tight lipped smile and nodded. Your parents were good people, and you had no doubt they picked a man who they thought would be best for you. But, how well did your parents really know you these days? You weren’t the woman you were this time last year. You wondered if you could ever be her again. It was unlikely. 

After your mother wandered away, you drifted through the room speaking to those who greeted you first. Playing the role you were born to play. Mid way through the room a hand wrapped around your wrist and you didn’t even need to turn around to know who it was. You had the feel of Din’s palm on your skin memorized. An ache overcame you at the touch, and you bit down on your lower lip⏤ refusing to turn around. He drifted closer, hovering dangerously close while in public like this, and you shook your head. “Mandalor, you can’t be here.”

You hoped using his title would make addressing him easier. It didn’t help.

Din leaned down and spoke, his voice unmodulated but muted, “I am not the Mandalor, ka’ra’ika.”

Curious, you finally turned and your eyes widened to see Din was not dressed in his beskar. His broad frame was dressed in a simple suit, nothing to make him stand out in a crowd, and his face was covered with a full face mask. His eyes hidden behind a line of dark glass and the rest painted in shades of black and white. “What are…” You paused in shock. Din’s loose, dark curls peeked around his mask and even with confusion swirling all about, your mind involuntarily memorized the color. It was a habit. Every single detail you were given about the man in front of you was tucked away like a well hidden secret. “Why are you here?”

“Dance with me?” Din asked in a voice that was borderline pleading. “Please?”

You nodded once and let him drag you slowly toward where the other bodies danced in an organized crowd. Din pulled you in close so the two of you could sway. You rested one hand on his shoulder while he held your other. It took every ounce of self control in your body to not lift your hand and rake your fingers through his hair. Din spun you around the dance floor, and a slow smile graced your lips for the first time all night. Din brought with him a glow. Being with him just seemed to brighten your world. Din lifted his arm to spin you⏤ your dress flared out around you, and a laugh bubbled out of your lungs. You heard his deep chuckle before he dipped you low. When he brought you back up, you were flush with his chest and your hands rested there. His heartbeat under your palm grounded you, but with it came guilt and the painful reminder that this was fleeting.

“My fiance will be here soon, Din.” You murmured. “You’re only making this harder.”

“I can’t walk away from this. From you.”

You shook your head, hands grasping the lapels of his suit, “We were doomed from the start. We knew that.” Your eyes burned with unshed tears. “With our beginning came an end date. And we’ve… we’ve reached it.”

“No.” Din’s hands slid down to grip your hips as he pulled you in closer. You sucked in a sharp breath. This wasn’t proper. “We’ve been living by rules set by our responsibilities and by outside factors when we should be the ones to decide. We should get to choose who we love.” 

You swallowed the lump in your throat. “Don’t. Don’t say it.” Now, it was you pleading. The two of you never used that word. You felt it, it changed you, but admitting it out loud would be too real for something destined to end. So you both agreed to leave it an unspoken truth. A phrase only whispered when the other wasn’t listening. “Din, please…”

“I have a… a proposition.” Din said. “I’ve made my choice, but now I want you to make yours.”

“What do you mean?”

Din leaned in close, “We can run, ka’ra’ika. This doesn’t have to be the end of our story. It can be a new beginning.” 

“Din, we can’t.” You shook your head. “You’re Mandalor⏤”

“No. I’m not. I’ve renounced the title.” Din admitted. Your eyes widened and your jaw popped open to question him, but no words left your lips. “I’ve passed it on.”

“Why would you…” You gasped. “Din, you don’t even know what my choice will be.”

“That’s alright. I made my choice on my own accord.”

“What if I say no? Then what, Din? You gave up your title⏤”

“If you say no,” Din began, “Which you are well within your rights to do, then giving up my title was simply the price to pay.” You furrowed your brow and you could hear the soft smile in his voice. “The price to pay for one last moment with you.”

The lights suddenly went out and you jumped in surprise. One of Din’s hands left your waist and seconds later Din’s lips were at your ears. It was then you realized this cover of darkness was not accidental, it came at the hands of the man holding you.

“If you send me away, I’ll never bother you again, I give you my word.” Din whispered in your ear and the sound alone made your eyes flutter close. A soft breath leaving your lips. “But I would regret it for the rest of my life, if I didn’t tell you how much I love you.” You felt tears collecting in the corner of your eyes. Hearing those words in his voice, just like when you first heard him speak your name, caused a shift in your soul. Din pressed his lips to a spot on your neck right below your ear. “If I didn’t beg you for one last kiss.”

Without hesitation, you dug your hands into his hair and pulled his lips to yours. It was muscle memory. You knew the taste of him and you welcomed it. His warm hand gripped the back of your neck as his tongue licked into your mouth. You moaned and tried to pull him closer as if he wasn’t already tangled with you. The taste of your tears mingled in the kiss.

Din pulled back and let his thumb brush under the edges of your mask to swipe at the tears that leaked down your cheeks. In that moment, you whispered your truth.

"I love you."

When the lights came on, there were two less bodies in the mass of confused dancers, and the expensive and delicate mask of the royal daughter laid on the ballroom floor⏤ carelessly tossed aside.

[wingsofbrassandfire]

I wish there weren’t so few ways to talk about this that didn’t feel like I’m penning the beginning of a manifesto, but this is something that’s been on my mind and I needed to get the words on paper.

I am queer. I am trans. I am ace. And I fuck.

I’ve fucked partners, I’ve fucked friends. I’ve fucked singly and together. On very very rare occasions I've fucked for show. I've never fucked a stranger, but in college I once went to bed with someone I'd literally met the day before and left hickies on my chest so deep it was weeks before they fully faded.

I am queer, I am trans, I am ace, and I fuck. I fuck in bed, in tents, in the shower (I didn't like that one all that much - the angles were weird and I was constantly afraid of slipping or getting water up my nose), in cars, once out in the woods after we took an unexpected nap under the pines, and twice (I think) in front of a camera. There's no other experience quite the same as being stripped to the waist with your pants down to your knees and your boots sunk 3 inches deep into fresh drifts and unable to tell if the moisture steaming off your skin belongs to you, your partner, or snowflakes melting from shared body heat.

I am queer, I am trans, I am ace, and I fuck. I fuck with desperate grinding hips on hips, bellies and thighs and genitals. I fuck with lips and tongues and fingers and teeth and toys. I fuck underneath and I fuck above, I fuck side by side, standing, sitting, kneeling, with eye contact and without. Quietly, gasping, moaning, breath coming fast and hard. I've been told I'm bad at being loud. I think that's probably okay.

I am queer, I am trans, I am ace, and I fuck. I fuck clumsily and full of self-consciousness. There's a disconnect I don't understand between my brain and my body, and when one is engaged it subsumes the other. I've sparked moods that I didn't mean to and I've killed moods that I wanted to cultivate. Finding that tightrope balance between those two tensions is a struggle for me, and one that I feel the weight of heavy in my long-healed chest.

Traumas have changed the way my body and mind react to my circumstances, and so have changing hormones. Everything—literally everything—about fucking is difficult and often overwhelming, but oh it is so satisfying to connect with someone you care about through an intimacy that is meaningful to them. Sometimes the effort is good and sometimes it just isn’t enough, but it’s nearly always worth trying, at least to me, to me. I know I'm in good hands these days, you see. I won't be met with accusations, or shaming, or violence in the times when things don't work out.

I am queer, I am trans, I am ace, and I fuck. I don't make love (or maybe I do...who even knows?), because how do you make love out of an act that is love? Identities are messy. Experiences are even messier. But isn't getting messy and learning and laughing and loving the only thing that all this living is really for?

[lettersfromaphrodite]

[9.54]

―pairing : Bang Chan x fem!Reader ―genre : angst + fluff ― content warnings : merman AU, strangers to lovers, ⚠️ mentions of death because reader almost drowns. mentions of murder. don’t read if you don’t feel comfortable with it ⚠️ ―word count: 4.350 ― prompt : WHAT IF mermaids are the women thrown off ships because of the common belief sailors had about having a woman on the boat being bad luck? And mermans are boys thrown off the ship for various different reasons? As they sink to the bottom, legs tied together, they start to change slowly until they can breathe and use their tied up legs to swim - legs which eventually would turn into a fish tail. They drown sailors in revenge, luring them in by singing in their husky voices still stinging from the salt water they breathed.

― notes : this fic looks familiar?it is! I’m reposting ALL my works on this brand new blog and therefore please, bear with me! as always, my new askbox is always open and feedbacks are always welcome 💌

«Some of my men,» the Captain’s lewd voice spat, lifting your chin with the hilt of his sahrp sword, «are saying that you bring bad luck. What do you have to say about it?» the never-ending mumble of the pirates made you feel nauseous. You were able to stand on your feet just because you were roughly tied up to the mast, but exhaustion was starting to cloud your senses since you couldn’t remember the last time you ate or even drank some water. Sailing in the middle of the sea during summer was dangerous, especially if you were forced to stay out in the open every day. You didn’t answer to his question, both because the words were dying in your sore throat, and also because you silently vowed to yourself that you’d never spoke to the pirate crew that sinked the harmless ship you were travelling on and took you as a prisoner. You were the only one they decided to take as their prisoner, and contrarily to your expectations, they never did anything to you; they simply tied you up and left you there, probably waiting for you to die due to the unbearable heat.

If you had to be honest, you surprised yourself as well for your unexpected resistance; besides feeling incredibly weak, you never completely collapsed; instead, you lost count of how many days you spent with your body tied up to the ship’s mast. No one among the pirates had ever tried to approach you, they’d settle for staring at you from a safe distance, nervous and uneasy gazes locked on your frame accompanied with low mumbles which you obviously couldn’t hear.

Today, the sun was up high in the sky and surprisingly enough, they all decided to gather on the deck and suddenly acknowledge your presence, making you feel nervous but also making you feel as if your blood was boiling with sudden rage. You were tired, you were thirsty and hungry and on top of all, you were scared; you heard many rumours about pirates and all of them made you shiver in fear, so you didn’t know what to expect now that they decided to act up on their status.

«I feel magnanimous today, I will let you choose.» the Captain slowly walked around the mast while playing with his sword, pondering about the suggestion of selling you to the first brothel they’d eventually found next time they landed. «You can become a prostitute, or let the sharks eat you.» his victorious grin was contraposed to your cold glare. You knew that pirates never said the truth, and you also knew about the superstition they had; apparently, having a woman on a ship brought incredible bad luck. That’s why, with incredible struggle, you managed to gather all the saliva remaining in your mouth just to spit it on the Captain’s obnoxious face.

Needless to say, few moments later you were surrounded by the crew shouting animatedly while two pirates were tightly binding your legs together by tying a large rope around your ochre coloured gown while another one was making sure you stood still; not like you had any strength to fight back. You simply stood there, manhandled like a ragdoll, wondering how much time it would take for you to suffocate; your eyes glanced to the rock placed next to your feet and neatly tied at the rope around your lower body and judging by that, you were sure it wouldn’t take too much.

Rage mixed with despair filled your senses as soon as they made you wear a pirate coat filled with smaller pebbles – too large for you, and way too heavy; despite the anger which was boiling in your veins instead of blood, you were too weak to react in any kind of way. You scoffed, silent tears threatening to escape your eyes, as you had to gather all the strength you had in order to bear the weight of a countless number of heavy pebbles hidden in the coat’s pockets; they really wanted you to drown as quickly as you could, and they weren’t doing anything to hide it. The skin of your wrists burned as one of the pirates that was tying up your legs few minutes ago, was now tightly binding your wrists together, not caring about the few droplets of blood escaping your bruised and irritated skin.

«Any last words?» the Captain spat from behind your shoulders, and you tried to ignore the loud yells of simply throwing you at the sea. It would have been stupid to hide the fact that you were scared and you didn’t want to die like this, but what could a young lady do on a pirate ship? You couldn’t fight or ask for help, you were definitely helpless and still, the whirlwind of confused emotions in your heart slowly began to dissipate, clearing your mind on what your soul really longed for.

“Revenge,” was all you could think about; you didn’t know how that silent hope could ever be fulfilled, but it was everything your soul asked for in that very moment; and so, all it took was a harsh push for you to fall into the cold and salty water, the weight of the rocks quickly bringing you towards the bottom of the sea.

Panic quickly flooded in your senses as you were fighting yourself and your resistance by trying to hold your breath as long as you could. Survival instinct had the best of you for a split second and when you noticed that no matter how much strength you used, you couldn’t move your legs nor your arms, you panicked even more, bringing your tied up hands to your throat and holding it in a in a silent prayer for you to be able to resist more, even if your lungs were burning from the desire and the need to breathe and your chest was hurting for the same reason. You squeezed your eyes as your vision began to blur, thinking that that was it; it was really your last moment, when you felt a harsh and unexpected tug on your wrist; you quickly opened your eyes, just to see a young, handsome boy with blonde hair dancing in the water staring at you with worried, yet gentle eyes.

Despite the thought that flashed into your mind, you didn’t have enough time to question him about how did he manage to swim so deep in the open sea without feeling the need to breathe and why was he shirtless, because said stranger quickly kissed your lips, his left hand holding your wrists while you could feel his right forearm pressing your body towards his by pushing on the middle of your back; you started to panic once again, when you feel him breathing some air into your mouth, giving you a little more time to breathe.

As quickly as he kissed you, he parted from your lips just to swim towards your feet, and as you saw a long indigo fishtail elegantly swaying in front of your eyes, you thought you were already dead and probably hallucinating while you were waiting for your next life. The blonde boy’s face appeared in your sight once again, and even if you felt incredibly lighter, the ropes around your legs were still preventing you from swimming.

«Take this off,» he said with a husky voice as he hugged your waist and gestured towards the pirate coat filled with heavy pebbles, and you were about to breathe out all the air he breathed into your mouth in shock because, how could he talk underwater?

He must have understood what you were talking about because he giggled, his eyes turning into two small crescent moons and dimples framing his smile. «I’m a merman,» he simply explained, before turning serious once again, «and you really need to take this off, unless you want to sink.» you furrowed your brows, feeling your throat starting to burn once again; this time, the pain confused you.

Your throat burned, your lungs did too, but it was a little different from before; you watched as the boy quickly cut the ropes around your wrists with the tip of the golden harpoon he was carrying around and let him help you taking off the pirate coat. You watched at how quickly it sinked to the depths of the sea, thinking that it could have been you.

Only because you finally looked below you, you finally took notice of the length of the harpoon that the merman was holding in his right hand, and the fact that the rock anchored to your feet was now gone; you owed your life to this nameless boy which was still holding you tight to his body, and silently hoped he would help you resurface and look for a ship so that you could get some help going back home and somehow trying to rebuild your own life after this terrifying experience.

You felt a weird and uncommon stinging sensation on the skin of your neck but you didn’t question it, instead, you gently tapped twice on the merman’s collarbone, as to silently say that you were running out of oxygen once again, when he simply looked at you with a bright and excited smile.

«It’s time! You can breathe, now!» he glanced at your neck, his expression was so gentle and cheerful that you almost believed him and tried to breathe underwater.

«What!?» you creaked, your voice rough and husky and your throat sore; realizing what you did, you immediately brought your hands to your mouth, looking at the boy – which was still giggling, his cheerful expression in stark contrast with your extremely alarmed eyes; if you weren’t so scared, you would have payed attention to the fact that your voice actually came out clearly instead of being absorbed by the water.

«Look,» he said, turning his head to show you his neck; you were about to touch the small gills he had on his skin, when your hand blocked in mid-water as he spoke once again, «you have them, too.» your hand flew on your neck, to find out that he was indeed right. You had two gills on each side of your neck, they were small and easily hidden by your hair since they were positioned towards your nape, but it was all it took for you to trust the blond merman enough to try and inhale a deep breath.

«I can breathe,» you mumbled, your eyes wide and surprised, «I can breathe underwater!» you exclaimed, a mixture between excited and scared.

«You’re turning into a mermaid.» the blonde boy said, and your eyes widened the size of the full moon. «I’ll explain to you later,» he quickly glanced to his left, «all you have to know for now is that your tail will soon look like mine,» he briefly detached from you just to quickly spin in front of you, before hugging you close once again. «and that we have to leave, the sharks are coming out for dinner.» he said, with a final wink. You let the boy – which introduced himself as Chris, take you away and teach you how to properly swim without moving your legs, contrarily to what you always did.

Two months later from your first encounter with Chris, you both were sitting on some rocks erupting from the sea, enjoying the warm morning breeze. The ochre dress you were wearing the day you’ve been thrown overboard had now started to cling to the skin of your legs at the point it seemed to merge with it, and the ropes seemed to be as well. You glanced at Chris, leaning on the rocks while supporting his weight on his hands while his head was thrown back and his tail was slowly moving up and down with languid and repetitive movements, occasionally splashing some water around with his tail.

He looked incredibly handsome, and you couldn’t help yourself but wonder why even when he saved you, he decided to stick around to the point where you spent every day together; Chris was gentle and careful, patiently teaching all he knew about living under the sea and you meticulously listened to him, managing to have fun as he helped you adapt to your new life.

Funny enough, you lived together into one of the countless underwater small villages populated by mermaids and mermen; some lived in the relict of old sinked ships, while others opted to live in underwater caves or houses built from corals. Needless to say, Chris’ dramatic behaviour suggested him to live in the relict of the ship that threw him overboard, and he asked you to live with him.

«It’s going to be easier for you to adapt to your new life.» he had said back then, not like you had any reason to refuse his offer. You didn’t regret it not once, since Chris was the kind of friend you always wanted to have. Your eyes curiously glanced at Chris’ wrists, noticing that some indigo scales had grown there as well in a rather curious pattern; somehow, they seemed to recall a rope. Your hands acted pretty much by themselves; as your eyes travelled on Chris’ long indigo fishtail, your fingers caressed one of the soft, pink flesh spots between its scales.

«I can’t wait for my tail to be complete,» Chris’ hoarse voice said, and your eyes met his; he offered you a gentle smile, his head tilted to the side as he remained in the same position as he was before, unbothered with your touch – on the contrary, enjoying it.

«Nevertheless,» you mumbled, secretly wondering if your throat will ever stop burning, «It’s beautiful.» your eyes focused again on the tail’s scales which thanks to the sun, seemed to shine in a somehow greenish colour which made it seem even more enchanting.

«I’m sure yours will be even more beautiful than mine.» Chris smiled, reaching out to hold your hand right above his fish tail. You blushed, adverting your gaze and feeling incredibly uglier compared to him: you were in the middle of your metamorphosis, therefore your legs were still slowly turning into a fishtail, and your dress was ripped and clinging to different part of your skin as a second, unwanted skin; Chris explained that all it took were six months, and then, you would have been completely ultimate your metamorphosis into a mermaid.

«Chris,» you mumbled, briefly thought about all the times, as a kid, you stared at the sea wondering if all the legends about mermaids were true, just to find yourself slowly becoming one. Chris hummed, his blonde hair now almost completely dry. «What happened?»

«I’m not really sure, either.» he confessed, «some say that it’s our desire of revenge that triggers the metamorphosis. All we know is that one moment we’re sinking towards the bottom of the sea, and the other we’re sinking ships.» he chuckled, before adding a quick

«I’ll show you, sooner or later.» in answer to your confused face; you simply nodded at him, before asking him how did he become a merman since you were driven by the desire to know him better but also, to hear his mesmerizing voice for as long as you could. Chris never let go of your hand, playing with your fingers as he told you about how he left his village in order to become a sailor, just to be thrown off the ship two years later with the false accusation of being a thief.

«What saddens me, is that I never got the chance to confess to my beloved one.» his voice said, looking at you with eyes as warm as the sun itself. Even if you felt a strange sensation of jealousy creeping into your soul, you decided to ignore it. Chris was handsome, funny, caring and gentle; it was obvious for him to have someone he loved.

«I’m sure she would have said yes.» you sighed, wishing for a second to be the one who held his heart even now that his life had completely changed for good.

«She didn’t even knew I existed» Chris chuckled, shaking his head, «She was the only daughter of a famous merchant in our village, and I was the blacksmith’s son.» you listened how Chris kept looking at you with a mischievous gaze as he provided you the description of a girl which not only looked exactly like you, but was also living the replica of your life. «I gave her a pin once, when we were kids.» the colour drained from your cheeks, remembering the scene of a young blonde kid handing you a white orchid pin during a festival, when you were around seven years old. Back then, the boy claimed it brought good luck, and that you were the prettiest among all the young girls so it had to be yours; since that day, you wore it every day. «It was a white orchid. She always wore it, even if she probably forgot about me during the years.» your heart was hammering into your chest, and with slow and calculated words you asked him the only question which really mattered, the only one able to dissolve your doubts; you took a deep breath, and asked him where he was from.

«Velia.» he answered, and suddenly, you were in a loss of words. Chris not only came from your village, but also was the little boy that many years ago had provided you with your lucky pin, the same one that the Pirates had snatched away from your dress. «I’ll give you an even better present.» Chris smiled, and you answered with a shy nod.

Chris’ unexpected confession made a whirlwind of emotion erupt in your soul, you never imagined that he silently had a crush on you for all these years but deep down, you were sure that you could return his feelings with the same intensity. Both of you had all your lives in front of you, and you knew that Chris had so much love to give and he deserved just as much, maybe even more.

That morning was the most the two of you have talked. The salty water you breathed while drowning still burned your lungs and you found it sometimes difficult to talk; this is why the two of you created a personal language mostly composed by hand gestures, which allowed the two of you to communicate and have infinite conversations without feeling your throat sting.

A comfortable silence fell around the two of you, and Chris never stopped gently running his fingertips on your still bruised wrists, the action making you feel as butterflies were soaring in your stomach; if Chris ever saw your skin erupt into goosebumps anywhere his fingers touched, he never mentioned it.

Therefore, you and Chris spent your morning on the rocks when, as soon as you heard another mermaid’s chant, he quickly lead you away. «It’s not time, yet.» he said, and you trusted him without questioning him further.

One year had quickly gone by and both you and Chris had completed your metamorphosis; your tail was dark orange, its scales would show golden reflections according to the light, dark orange scales also grew instead of the bruises on your wrists and, no matter what you said, Chris would continuously shower you with compliments which you immediately returned. You and Chris managed to make many friends – some that already completed the metamorphosis and some you just recently rescued from drowning, but still, Chris was the only one you spent the most time with; over the time, you naturally became a couple, even if nothing special changed in your relationship dynamics.

The two of you had always spent your time together so the only thing that you added to the mix were the kisses and more intimate touches. Sometimes, you’d lose yourself in his warm brown eyes, thinking how much you loved him and how you owed him your life.

You knew that you would have changed even without Chris’ help, but his presence helped you to face the metamorphosis with a little more courage – which you probably wouldn’t have had, if you were to face this all alone.

«Remember that excellent present I was talking about back then?» Chris asked with a wide grin and you nodded, knitting your brows in confusion, «Come with me.» Chris said, as he led you to the surface while holding your hand; you realized quickly that it must have been a special occasion, since he used his voice to express his thoughts.

Both of you keep the verbal exchanges at minimum; since you found out that your throat would never stop burning.

«It’s the salt water we breathed while drowning,» Changbin – a merman which turned many years before the two of you did, quietly explained to you few months ago. On his wrists, he had dark blue – almost black, scales matching the colour of his long tail, but unlike you and Chris, his scales enveloped his arms and part of his torso almost in a spiral way, making you wonder about how painful and horrible his experience must have been, «It will never stop stinging, reason why our revenge will always be as brutal as our death.»

You followed Chris as he diligently sat on some rocks erupting from the sea, gesturing towards a small group of mermaid sitting on the shores far away from you; some had their tail partially immersed to the water, while some were completely resting on the hard surfaces of the rocks. They all seemed to be waiting, but you still didn’t know what for, since the horizon was completely clear. As the mermaids saw you and Chris, you all waved at each other since you were friends; you were surprised to learn how everyone – unlike the human world, was genuinely sweet towards each other.

«I hope you’ll like it.» Chris’ lips whispering against your ear made it appear as his husky voice was dripping honey, and as your eyes saw a familiar Pirate flag on top of a ship, which was slowly coming your way, you froze up in fear, tightly holding to Chris’ hand; he quickly hugged you close to his body in the silent attempt to reassure you. You didn’t understand why Chris would have thought that seeing the ship of the people who threw you overboard could ever be considered a gift, when suddenly, the mermaids started singing.

It was a mesmerizing chant, and you immediately understood why it drove men insane by slowly hypnotizing them to the point they lose their will; as a mermaid, you knew the pain of using your voice and so, you realized what Changbin meant all those months ago. Part of each mermaid’s soul was filled with the desire of revenge towards the ones who choose such a brutal and despicable death for them, and so, no matter how their throat burned in the process, their husky voices would sing marvellous and hypnotic songs just to lure them in the water in a deadly trap.

From the distance, you saw how the pirates started to throw themselves off the ship, and that’s when Chris signalled you that it was time to get underwater once again; you were completely new to this, since Chris always led you away as soon as you’d hear a mermaid chant, but no matter what, you could have never imagine what you were about to see.

Underwater, there were at least a hundred mermaids and mermen skilfully armed with harpoons or smaller knives, and as soon as the pirates fell in the water, they’d swim quickly, plunging themselves at the pirates with the precise goal to kill them in the most brutal way they could, so that they wouldn’t have any occasion to trigger the metamorphosis and turn into mermen.

Chris kept holding you tight as the two of you assisted to that massacre, close enough to catch every detail but far enough not to get involved with the pool of blood that was quickly expanding in the water; your eyes casually caught the action that made your heart feel at ease once and for all. Changbin and Hyunjin – whose tail was probably the prettiest since it was a pastel light blue, were respectively sinking an harpoon and a short blade into the Captain’s chest, and as you saw him writhing in pain as he breathed out all the oxygen he had stored in his mouth, you breathed a content sigh, your silent wish for revenge was now fulfilled thanks to your friends.

As soon as the group made sure that no one from the pirate crew managed to survive, you all quickly swam away, knowing that sharks had a very sharp sense of smell and no one wanted to get in their way in the middle of a hunt.

Once you were back home Chris kissed you, the unexpected sensation of such an intimate gesture making you smile against his lips, pulling him even further to your body and swirling once or twice in the middle of water as you did so. Despite the salty water that constantly surrounded the both of you, Chris’ lips held an inexplicably different flavour. His kisses tasted like home, like you finally found peace.

The pirates hat threw you overboard had met their terrible fate, the same as many other men, and you were happy with the thought that they wouldn’t be able to harm anyone else.

Chris held you tight, placing his forehead against yours. «I love you,» he said for the first time, ignoring the pain in his lungs. «I love you too,» you mumbled right back, gently placing your hands on his cheeks, as the end of your tails swirled around each other’s.

all works © lettersfromaphrodite

Do not modify, repost, translate or plagiarize my stories. I only publish my works on tumblr & AO3.

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[sirianasims]

Chapter 43.1

Midnight Blues

Winter was slowly relaxing its grip on the city. I stared at the grey skies and took a deep breath to steel myself. As always, getting from the hotel to the safety of a taxi was the scary part. Behind me, Paul was putting on his coat.

“Julia? Got everything?”

“Yeah, let’s go. But first…”

I moved in to kiss him and he kissed me back, the kind of kiss that reminded me why I kept doing this, why I put up with the endless hotels and paparazzi and anxiety. His hands were on my waist and I wished we had more time, that we didn’t have to keep saying goodbye every week.

He started pulling away but I wasn’t done, I would never be done with him, and I couldn’t help but make a small frustrated sound that made him smile.

“Wait, Julia, before we leave… You’re so very distracting, I completely forgot to talk to you about my birthday.”

“Your birthday? But that’s in what, two months?”

“I know, but since it’s the big 40, I was thinking about going to Tartosa for a few days, throw a party for the whole family. And I thought it’d be a good time for you to meet everyone. I know it’s a lot of people at once, but they’re going to adore you, I know they will.”

“Ah. Right.” My mouth went dry. Paul reached up and ran his fingers through my hair, looking slightly puzzled.

“Julia? Is everything alright?”

“Yeah, it’s just… it’s a big step, meeting your entire family. It feels so… serious.”

He frowned. His eyes, usually warm and inviting, suddenly had a wary edge that made my heart race.

“Yes? I am quite serious about this. About us. I thought I’d made that clear. I love you and I imagine a future with you in it.”

I swallowed hard, feeling the words catch in my throat.

“I love you too, Paul, I really do, but…” My voice trailed off as I searched for the right words. “I’m just not sure if I’m ready for things to get that serious.”

He lifted my chin, his eyes searching mine. “Julia… tell me, what exactly did you expect from this relationship?”

“I… I just wanted to be with you.”

He took a step back and it felt like an invisible wall had suddenly appeared between us.

“But for how long? Why are you still in this relationship if you’re not planning to be in it for the long haul? What are we doing here, Julia?”

Tears stung my eyes as I struggled to respond. I loved him, but the thought of deciding what the rest of my life would look like scared me more than I could express.

“I don’t know, Paul. I want to be with you, but I’m still figuring things out. I’m just… I’m not ready for that kind of commitment yet.”

There was a long, painful silence before Paul spoke again, quietly, his voice tinged with resignation.

“I can’t wait around forever, Julia. I’m sorry, but I need more than this, more than you’re able to give me right now. I think… I think it’s best if we part ways.” 

I felt a wave of despair as the reality of his words sank in, threw my arms around him as if I could physically stop him from leaving me.

“No! No, Paul, wait, please, can’t we just…” I desperately tried to think of something to say, some magic words that would change his mind, but I knew it was useless. The deep sorrow in his voice told me that he’d already made his decision.

Paul held me for a moment, but his body felt different against me now, distant and foreign like he was already a stranger. I breathed in the familiar scent of citrus and olive soap on his skin, clung to him until he gently but firmly removed my arms from around his neck.

“I get it, Julia. You’re right, you deserve space to find yourself without the pressure of my… expectations. You’re still so young, and you have every right to take your time. But I can’t wait in limbo. I have to move on.”

I sobbed into his chest, barely able to form words.

“Paul, don’t leave me. Don’t. Please. I love you.”

His voice was soft when he continued, but the finality in his words echoed in the hollow where my heart used to be.

“I love you too, Julia. So much. But I can’t spend years waiting for someone who has no idea whether they’ll ever want to be with me or not. I want someone who knows.”

beginning / previous / next

[green-typewriterz]

Can you write some angsty stuff followed by fluff. Something with Harry styles.

Basically reader being heavier and insecure had no male attention all her life. She is a big time introvert and opens up after a lot of struggle. But her life changes when Harry makes an entry.

Until I Found You - Harry Styles

Harry Styles x fem!reader Summary: You’ve never been overly confident, but then someone comes along and makes you feel things you’ve never felt Warnings: angst to fluff, body insecurity, Harry being perfect as per usual Word count: 1K words

I hope this is what you were looking for lovely! Thank you so much for requesting!

You were no stranger to the judging stares that came with the industry you were in, fashion was a tough career as it is without everyone thinking you couldn’t be fashionable just because you weren’t thin. It’s not like you could escape it either, the main part of your job being styling overly self-obsessed celebrities who think they’re perfect and everyone else is ugly. You always tried to stay confident, posting outfit of the days and filtering out hate comments for your own mental health, but somehow some always got through and you would be lying if you said it never affected you.

You assumed this would be the same, some singer you didn’t really care enough about judging you and shitting on your outfit choices even though most of the time you put them in their own wardrobe and they were too stupid to realise they picked the clothes themselves. You walked into the dressing room to see this one particular celebrity talking with your PA who was helping him pick from the sequins you would later have to meticulously embroider.

“You must be Harry,” you spoke, walking over with your hand outstretched for him to shake, “I’m Y/N, I'm your designer!” He took your hand immediately, shaking it without breaking eye contact. He was wearing a simple short-sleeved t-shirt with a pair of ripped jeans. His hair was pushed back away from his face with a pair of brown Gucci sunglasses and he wore two necklaces, one made of pearl and the other a cross.

He smiled warmly before replying, “I know who you are. The famous Y/N Y/L/N? C’mon, you’re renowned. Thank you for taking the time to come and help me.” His voice was soft and genuine (which you will admit created butterflies in your stomach) then you quickly got to work on creating the outfit that he would wear to the Grammys. He pointed at crystals every now and then, commenting on how they’d match his shoes or his nails - which he planned to paint pink. At this current moment, they were a deep shade of blue, almost the same colour as his navy Adidas gazelles. 

You had just assumed that Harry was just being nice but - though he was being polite - he found himself unable to take his eyes off of you. He had heard about you through the endless attack of hate that you got just for looking how you look. Harry never understood it, he thought you were beautiful, often seeing photos of you and thinking of Italian Renaissance statues.

The day ended quickly and for that, you couldn’t be happier. You got in your car and cried, tears hot against your cheeks as you thought back to how you felt that day. Harry didn’t stop staring at you, at your body. You knew that most people didn’t like how you looked, but the fact that he looked at you for so long. It made you want to shrink into the floor. You were still in your car, having just stopped crying when you reached the impulsive part of your breakdowns so you got out your phone and sent a tweet.

Y/N

So fucking sick of all this body hatred in my line of work. My body is beautiful purely because it is mine and it exists, get over it.

You immediately closed your phone, knowing you wouldn’t feel regret until the inevitable negative comments came a few hours later. You drove home and collapsed onto your sofa, feeling overly proud of yourself for what you had tweeted. Well, that was until you got a text message from Harry asking if the tweet was about him. You weren’t sure how to respond, not wanting to face the problem head-on this early. But, deciding it could only get worse, you replied.

Y/N

So?

There was no reply for a while, then:

Harry

We need to talk this through in person. Meet me in St James’ Park. Please. - H

You froze. No one had ever done this before. You knew that it was getting late, but something was drawing you there so you grabbed your coat and a pair of gloves before rushing out the door, the park only being a five-minute walk from you.

You debated walking up to him, standing there hoping he would keep his eyes on the sunset so you could just turn around and go. Of course that didn’t happen. “Y/N. I wanted to apologise for today. I sincerely promise I didn’t mean to make you feel like that.” 

You crossed your arms, staring into his bright eyes. “Cut the shit. I have gotten the same treatment from every other celebrity I’ve worked with Harry. Each one thinks they're better than me because they have every person's dream body.” You spoke, your words creating a mist in the cold.

He shook his head and stepped closer. “I promise you. That’s not what I was thinking.”

You scoffed, looking away from him as you unfolded your arms. You didn’t believe him even though deep down you wanted to. He took your hands suddenly and you met his gaze again, his eyes filled with an emotion you’d never seen before. 

“Is it so hard to believe that I find you intoxicatingly beautiful?” He asked, brows furrowed in confusion. He stepped closer again. “Everything about you, call me corny but I feel like i haven’t seen beauty like yours since I saw the statues in Rome.”

You blushed as he slowly moved his hands from your hands to your waist, his soft grip settling there as if it were the place it was destined to be. You stared at his lips, seeing them curve into a soft smile full of adoration. He leaned in slowly, making sure you wanted the same as him. You met his lips in the cold, the taste of his mint gum lingering on his lips.

“I’ve always been crazy about you, Y/N.” He whispered as you pulled away. You rested your foreheads against one another, hands still on each other's waists. This was something you never wanted to end.

The sun had set a long while ago, but the two of you were still in the park, quietly talking as you held hands, looking at the stars from an old rickety bench. Harry liked you for both your body and your heart and that was something you thought you’d never get.

[dandylovesturtles]

Hello, Wheelchair Annon here again (my sister parked me in the corner). I hope you don’t mind me chiming in again…

One of the biggest things that changed from being able bodied to being in a wheelchair is other people’s attitudes towards me. This is in two main ways:

Talking to whoever is with me instead of talking directly to me, even if it’s about me. People act as if I am mentally incapable and unable to participate in conversation, or even just act like I’m not there.

No respect for my personal space. I’m talking random strangers and people I barely know doing stuff, usually without even talking to me. This has included: someone coming up behind me and rocking my wheelchair back and forth; someone hanging sitting behind me hanging their jacket on the handles of my wheelchair; leaning on my wheelchair while in a lift; and messing with the controls of my electric wheelchair so I move even when I don’t want to.

How does Leo cope with this change in attitude towards him? (Does it actually happen, or are Yokai more egalitarian?). Leo considers himself the face man; how does he cope when other people don’t see him in the same way anymore? How does he cope when other non- human people don’t always see him as a person? (And does this factor into any issues he may have vis-a-vis growing up as a non human in a human world for the first 14 years of his life?)

(Also, I have a bunch more stuff I can think of relating to wheelchair use, being disabled, chronic fatigue and other stuff, but I really don’t want to overwhelm you. Would you like me to keep asking/pointing out stuff? I will not be offended if you say no!! <3)

Anon, PLEASE feel free to keep sending me these! Whatever you feel comfortable sharing! Like I said at the beginning of this, I'm able-bodied myself, so I can research all day but it's not the same as having lived experience, and I'm really grateful for your perspective! ^^

I've heard the horror stories from other wheelchair users about people just thinking they can do whatever they want with wheelchairs (which is insane to me, like, if you wouldn't rock a chair a stranger is sitting in why would you do that with a wheelchair??), it's why I included the whole point about how only the fam (+Hueso who is very responsible) is allowed to grab Leo's wheelchair handles without repercussion. It's still crazy to me that people just feel entitled to move your wheelchair or hang stuff off of it, though.

The thing about people no longer talking directly to you though, oof. I've heard people who are deaf talk about this happening but it makes sense that it would happen to wheelchair users too. I'm sorry that happens to you, anon.

To answer the questions... to start with, I don't think being accepted by humans is ever really a thing rise!Leo is particularly concerned with, and especially after they learned about yokai and the Hidden City he had other ways to fulfill his social needs that don't involve trying to get humans to accept being around mutant turtles. There is that little voice in the back of his head pointing out that he is Other, but in canon at least I don't think he lets it get him down too much.

as for yokai society itself, though, this is an interesting thing to think about! on one hand, yokai have a much greater mix of... appendage situations?? going on than humans do, so I wouldn't be surprised if the Hidden City is generally more accessible, just because shops are already factoring in that some of their customers won't have legs/arms/what have you. on the flip side, though, the chair itself is a pretty obvious visual indicator that even for his species Leo is disabled, and that would probably still lead to people talking to his siblings like he isn't there.

this would definitely be a hit to Leo's confidence, since it ties into the things he already struggles with. and to make things worse, I think it's one of those things that his family probably doesn't even realize is happening at first? especially because the experiences are spread around, so they're all getting fewer instances of it happening to notice than Leo is. but yeah I could see one of them going through a whole conversation without realizing that the person they're talking to hasn't talked to or directly responded to Leo once, and at the end they're like, "oh, they're so nice!" while Leo is sitting there feeling like he just got completely closed out of the conversation

I think Leo would just let it go for awhile at first. why would people want to talk to him, he's the failure brother! he may not even realize it's just a response to the wheelchair, initially. but as Leo gets healthier mentally (and maybe finds some community support, either online or in person), he'd start sticking up for himself more often.

I can imagine one day someone asks Raph, "Oh, how is Leo?" and Leo is like, "Leo's great, actually, his ears work just fine!" and that's the moment Raph realizes that this has been happening the whole time and for awhile Leo just let it happen and oops they just let it happen too

they are learning, though! nowhere to go but up!

[erin-bo-berin]

Probably when she finds out 💜💜

Gotcha! Steve has a little secret…or two 😏

Steve’s Secret

Steve Harrington x Reader

Warnings: Pregnancy, Mentions of Sex (no actual smut though)

Based on this request ☺️

Why did peeing on a stick have to be such a monumental moment? Or better yet, why did that have to determine if a woman was pregnant or not? It was a hassle, plus kinda gross when you thought about it. But, here you were, at the point it had become necessary.

You weren’t someone who typically had an active sex life. There had been a few men here and there, but you’d been in relationships with them and protection was always key. You’d been on birth control for a while until you’d broken up with your ex. Since you had no desire to entertain the opposite sex, you’d gone off the pill, having been struggling with the side effects of it anyways.

Then Steve Harrington with all his charm had walked into your life and you ended up in situations you usually never would’ve. For instance, having a one night stand. But, you couldn’t help it. From the moment your gaze had met his across the bar you’d met at, you were as good as hooked. Maybe it had been lust at first sight but you’d wanted him.

He was all searing dark eyes, gorgeous smile and brown hair that seemed to be perfectly swooped; you couldn’t tell if it was naturally that great or if he fixed it that way. His eyes glimmered as they raked over your body, taking you in, the beer bottle coming up to his lips. They were a soft pink shade that enticed you as you imagined what it would be like to kiss them.

All that lead to one stupid moment when desire zapped all rational thought in your mind. He was halfway inside of you before you remembered the condom and you made him don one before you did anything too stupid. Little did you know, that said stupidity had already happened.

“Leave it to my body to get pregnant by fucking pre-cum,” you moaned, when you saw the two lines on the pregnancy test.

The one time you have a one night stand, wanting no strings attached, you end up pregnant. Those strings are rooted in place for good, now.

When you told Steve, it wasn’t dramatic. You simply called him, asked him if he could meet up and the next thing you knew, he was sitting on your couch while you stood above him and changed his world forever.

“So…you’re pregnant?”

He wasn’t mad, he wasn’t upset, he just seemed…shocked, dazed even. You’re pretty sure you looked like a deer in headlights when you’d seen the test yourself, but he was taking it even better than you.

“Don’t worry though, you don’t have to stick around if you don’t want to. I just thought I should tell you since you have the right to know. I mean we hardly know each oth-”

“No.”

The abrupt syllable made you pause your nervous rambling.

“No, what?

“No, I’m not letting you do this alone,” he said firmly.

You had expected almost every outcome but this one. You guess you had a lot lower expectations for him than he deserved and the thought made you wince.

“Please don’t feel like you’re obligated to,” you sighed, “I’m just a random girl. We’re practically strangers, Steve.”

He shrugged.

“So then we get to know one another. Like I said, I’m here to help you with whatever you need. Oh, wait. I should probably ask you what you’re going to do.”

“I don’t know yet,” you admitted, “But I won’t do anything without letting you know, okay?”

He nodded, falling silent.

You honestly hoped things would get better between you two if you did decide to keep this baby because he’d be in your life forever.

You also hoped you knew what the right decision was because right now, you were terrified.

•

Steve impressed you more and more every day.

The amount of research he’d done, trying to learn as much as he could to help you out was incredibly sweet. Between the day you’d first told him about the pregnancy and now, about three weeks later, you’d come to the decision that you wanted to keep this baby.

He’d never say it out loud, but you could tell he was relieved.

True to his word, you two slowly got to know each other and he sheepishly admitted—as if embarrassed by his dream—that he’d wanted kids for a long time actually, a big family even. Of course, he didn’t expect it this early, but he wasn’t mad in the least.

He was as nervous and scared as you were, but his support never wavered.

He bought books about pregnancy and parenthood, then proceeded to spend hours poring over them. He learned where the baby was at developmentally, what you should expect with the changes in your body, what was the best things to eat for the baby—and that was just a few of the long list of things he learned.

He also took care of you, just like he said he would. You had no idea he meant to this extent though.

He was there with crackers and ginger ale for your morning sickness, making sure you took naps if you got overtired and checking to make sure you took your prenatal vitamins. One would think the hovering would be annoying, but it surprised you how much you grew to like it. No one had ever taken such good care of you as Steve had been and it was nice for a change.

That’s when your emotions had to make things messy.

All the sweet gestures, the undivided attention, the drop what he’s doing and run to your aid with just a phone call moments were confusing your brain. He was so sweet to you, so good to you and happy to treat you like a gentleman would. But, you were slowly falling for him.

You could not have that.

The only reason you were getting this attention in the first place was because you were carrying his child; you constantly had to remind yourself of that fact. You’d hooked up with him once and now you were both in this situation, you couldn’t afford to have feelings for Steve.

But damn, if he didn’t make it hard.

“How are you feeling today?” he asked when he walked in your house earlier, hands loaded with grocery bags.

“What in the world is all this?” you asked, watching, amused.

“You gotta eat,” he shrugged, smiling.

“I’m eating for two people now, not twenty,” you replied dryly.

“Just making sure you and baby are taken care of,” he replied nonchalantly, unpacking the groceries in the kitchen, calling out to you.

You were nearing your second trimester and you’d yet to tell anyone yet, it just made it too real. You had grown to enjoy having this little secret for a little while, but you weren’t quite ready to share yet.

“Steve?” you worried your bottom lip, “Have you told anyone yet…about this?”

You motioned to the general area of your stomach, although it wasn’t necessary, since he clearly knew what you meant.

He came in the room, finished with the groceries and sat on the arm of your couch.

“No, have you?”

You shook your head. Your parents lived out of town and it would be a simple phone call, but other than them, you didn’t really have anyone to tell. Even then, you were hesitant to share the news. You’d been stuck in a limbo of disbelief and awe since you first discovered you were pregnant and a part of you still didn’t quite believe it was reality. You had been sitting on this secret for almost two months now.

But then, a horrible thought occurred to you.

“Have you not told anyone because you’re ashamed of me and this baby?”

Your face warmed and you prayed he didn’t notice the humiliation that was surely written all over your face. You would be ashamed of yourself too, if you were him.

“What?” he looked aghast as he slid off the arm of the couch to next to you on the cushion, “Of course not.”

His emphasis on the last part of his answer relieved the panic in your chest a bit and you sighed a breath of relief. His hands cradled your face, making you look him in the eyes. For all the care and support he’d been giving you, this was the first time he’d touched you—in an intimate nature—since the night of conception.

His gaze was piercing, his eyes searching your face, trying to convey just how serious he was.

“I haven’t told anyone yet because I wanted to make sure you and the baby are okay,” he said.

Your brows pulled inward, a tad confused. You both seemed alright, so you weren’t exactly sure what he meant.

“Many of the pregnancy books I’ve read said that usually after the first trimester, the chances of a miscarriage are a lot lower than in the first three months.”

Your chest ached again, the thought of losing this precious baby that you had quickly grown attached to, causing you such a sharp stab of pain.

“But,” he continued, “I won’t tell anyone until you want me to, okay?”

You nodded, heart warm with how caring he was. You noticed his hesitation as his eyes dipped lower to your mouth and against your better judgement, you found yourself wishing he would kiss you.

But, he didn’t. He kissed your forehead gently before dropping his hands from your face and proceeding to ask you what you’d like him to make for dinner.

He was way too good for you and you didn’t deserve him. You planned to put a stop to this childish crush and butterflies in your stomach before it was too late.

•

Steve knew his friends were getting steadily more suspicious.

They knew he was acting weird, hiding something. He couldn’t always commit to plans, rambling off an excuse that he had to do something else or disappearing for days at a time.

It was getting harder to hide you and the baby.

Not that he was intentionally doing it, but for a time, it had been nice to share the little secret of the baby with you. He knew he was screwed though because his friends would see right through him. You weren’t just the mother of his child, you were someone he had fallen head over heels for.

In fact, he had felt a spark of something the moment he first laid eyes on you at that bar. He had never told you though because that sounded crazy, even to him and he was sure it would freak you out. After all, you had enough on your plate just from carrying a baby.

Another month had passed and now you were due for the anatomy scan, which he was meeting you at. He was dying to find out what it was, while you wanted it to be a surprise. You two still hadn’t made a decision about it yet.

Now, he sat next to you in the exam room. He felt bad for you as you were dying for the bathroom—the one downside of having an ultrasound, your bladder had to be full.

“If I pee all over myself, this is your fault,” she grumbled, though good-naturedly.

“How is it my fault?” he asked, exasperated.

“Because your dick was too tempting and now I’m pregnant.”

There was a cough and a wheeze from the ultrasound technician as she tried to smother her laugh with her hand. Steve still saw the amused smile on her lips from the side view he had of her. He gave you an even more exasperated look in which you just gave an amused smirk and a shrug.

The mother of his child, everyone.

“So, mommy, daddy. Have we decided if we want to know the sex of the baby?”

“Yes.”

“No.”

You and Steve faced off with silent stares, each trying to outdo one another to win this argument.

“I can leave the room if you want to know that badly,” you said.

“Or we can play Rock Paper Scissors to see who wins,” Steve quipped, amused.

“I don’t remember the last time I’ve had an such an entertaining couple as you two,” the technician chuckled.

“Oh we aren’t-”

“Together,” you finished for Steve.

You weren’t sure what to make by the woman’s amused, arched brow, but you didn’t try to dwell too much on it.

“Alright, I’d be too impatient to wait four more months,” you relented, “If he wants to know, I do too.”

“Really?” Steve asked, grinning, “You do?”

You nodded, smiling.

“I’d be terrible at shopping for the baby anyway if I didn’t know.”

“Alright,” the technician smiled, doing a last few checks as she moved the wand over your belly, “Ready, mom and dad?”

You and Steve both nodded and he grabbed your hand out of instinct, excitement filling his body.

She held the news off long enough to hand you a wet wipe to clean your belly with and you sat up, pulling your hand from Steve’s to gently wipe the gel off your skin. She waited a moment until you’d pulled your shirt back down to speak.

“You might want to tell us now before Steve dies of anticipation here,” you teased, motioning to him.

He looked like a little kid anxious to go to the toy store. He was fidgeting, unable to sit still and bouncing on his feet, an eager expression on his face.

“Okay, I’ll cut you some slack, daddy,” the technician smiled, “Congratulations, you’re having a little boy.”

The world stopped as the words sank in. This baby—this baby boy was now incredibly real. You felt light with happiness and excitement. You and Steve were going to have a little boy.

Steve’s smile couldn’t get any wider, he was so happy. He had had no preference, as long as it was happy and healthy, he was happy.

“I’ll go print out these pictures for you and I’ll be back,” she smiled, “I’m sure you need to use the bathroom, so you can go ahead.”

Steve had to laugh at the speed of which you climbed down off the table, hurrying off to the bathroom down the hall. There was no kind of speed like the speed of a pregnant woman who needed to potty. Or a hungry pregnant woman.

Truth be told, he had a huge amount of respect for any mothers. He may not be close to his parents, but in that moment he had a huge amount of respect for his mother for bringing him into this world.

When you returned, clearly very relieved, his eyes fell to the small curve of your belly. It was much bigger now than it had been even a month ago, but you still weren’t heavily pregnant yet. It was more like a soccer ball look. The sight of your bump did weird things to him. It made his heart flip knowing that you were carrying his baby—his baby boy. It made him love you even more.

He had resigned himself to the fact that he was utterly and truly in love with you and not just because of the baby. The baby may have brought you two together, but he wasn’t going to be the only reason he stayed with you. If it was up to Steve, he was going to keep you two forever.

He looked at your happy face, the sparkle even brighter than moments before when you both had found out the sex.

“Steve! He’s kicking!”

His eyes widened. It wasn’t the first time you’d mentioned feeling the baby move, but something about this time seemed different in the way you moved quickly towards him.

“Do you want to feel?” you asked.

“Can I?” he asked, hesitantly reaching out.

You nodded enthusiastically, taking his hand and placing it on the specific spot you’d just felt a kick. Steve’s eyes brightened, feeling the sensation of the kick against his palm. It was an insanely surreal moment.

“Wow,” he breathed, both hands coming to gently caress the sides of your belly, fingers stroking it gently, “Hi buddy, this is your daddy. Be a good little guy and don’t kick mommy too hard, alright?”

You smiled, watching Steve talk to the baby. You could’ve blamed the tenderness of the moment, the joy of the baby boy news, but you knew what it truly was that made you do what you did next.

You kissed him, right in the middle of the exam room at the doctor’s office, not caring who would walk in at the moment.

And he kissed you back.

He looked dazed when you pulled back and you gave him a shy smile. There’d be plenty of time to discuss that kiss—and kiss some more, obviously—but right now, there was only one thing you wanted him to know.

“I think it’s time to tell everyone.”

•

You were nervous as all get out to meet Steve’s friends. Not only were you his girlfriend now—one they hadn’t even known about, but you were having his baby. What if they didn’t approve?

“Relax, sweetheart,” Steve squeezed your hand as he simultaneously opened the door for you, to the diner you were meeting them at, “They’re gonna love you.”

Your parents had taken it pretty well when you told them right after the anatomy scan. Steve had stayed by your side for the entire call, much to your relief. They’d been thrilled with the fact that Steve had stepped up and been such a help. They even talked to Steve for a bit, instantly liking him. Then, they started making plans to come visit you before the baby was born, so they could meet Steve in person. Your mother couldn’t wait to help you shop for baby things.

Now, it was time to meet Steve’s very large group of friends. Your eyes widened at the sea of faces that sat at the back of the diner, divided between two tables. There were around ten people there. Four of them appeared to be around yours and Steve’s ages while the rest seemed to be a handful of years younger—possibly early high school aged.

You’d worn a bigger, more flowy dress to hide your growing bump as it would definitely give the news away before either of you could say anything. Even so, if anyone was to look at your stomach long enough, they’d pretty much be able to guess.

He had a gentle hand on your lower back as the two of you approached the group.

“Y/N these are my friends,” Steve smiled, making introductions.

Names swam your ears and you tried to hold on to who was who and match to the faces. They all seemed nice enough either giving you a smile, wave or a friendly greeting.

“Everyone, this is Y/N,” Steve said, wrapping an arm around your waist, “My girlfriend and the mother of my child.”

The group burst into chaos at that point.

Steve laughed at your shocked expression, his friends shouting over one another with their questions and excitement.

“Welcome to the family, babe.”

[akanesheep]

Now that Nightbringer is out, and we’re a few chapters in… I keep wanting to put some thoughts in writing, and then a new chapter will drop and I end up getting one question answered, while gaining several others… I’ll try to keep speculating to a low and just discuss how I personally felt while playing.

Spoiler warning now, as I’m going to be discussing events that take place through the latest release.

I’ll be honest, I wasn’t thrilled with the change of the battles to a rhythm game, as I’ve always been bad at them. But I’ve adapted pretty well, although I’m a perfectionist, and will waste time and precious AP trying to get the best score possible XD

Now onto the story…

It seems odd to feel genuine heartache, frustration, etc. but that has definitely been the case.

Tossed backward in time to brothers who didn’t know us, and in fairness, don’t know themselves at this point in time. It’s been so strange to see them like this. Barely out of Heaven, minds between angel & demon. Both familiar and unfamiliar. To become strangers to those I’ve grown to know so much about. How unfair. Solomon arrives with one or two pieces of information, but what made me so curious is why couldn’t we go to Barbatos? Why is Barbatos so hostile to Solomon? He says he doesn’t remember, which I don’t wholly believe. He’s hiding stuff, which I really dislike, no matter how much I adore him.

As for the brothers, my heart breaks. Satan in his uncontrolled anger phases, Mammon wanting so hard to be a responsible ‘big brother’. Levi struggling with his self worth even more than before. He’s using different words most of the time, but we know his meanings better than just bashing himself for being a ‘stinky otaku’… the lack of Normie, but still our lovable otaku. Lucifer shaken, rebuilding himself in private while putting on the front of a cold hard ass to his brothers. Providing them the structure and stability they require to move forward. It’s the hardest role in the family, and he stepped into it naturally. As it was his role before their fall. I love that despite everything, he never hesitated. He never regretted his decision. He knew it was the right choice even if it caused pain. He does show moments of brief regret about the brothers fall, especially when Levi & Asmo on separate occasions had their moments of lamenting their situation, or missing the Celestial Realm. Even though each of them personally bears no regret for having followed Lucifer, all of the brothers, Lucifer included, are going through grief and loss. And we have a front row seat.

I was surprised at how long it took for us to even hear the name Lillith. The very end of chapter 10, Belphie is the first to bring up her name. We already know the story, of course, as well as Lucifer’s secret. In the original timeline, we knew about Lillith before Belphie, and in the fallout of chapter 16 we learned about Lucifer’s deal with Diavolo. At the end of Nightbringer chapter 10, it’s revealed that we are human, and the beginning of Chapter 11, where we get the near repeat of Belphie’s anger and grief inflicted upon our poor lil body. Solomon saved us and took us to 13’s cave.

If the lead up to this point was lamenting the loss of of ‘our’ brothers. This chapter was about the pain of us ‘betraying’ them. I cried, a few times… they were so hurt and the whole time I was wanting to tell them everything.

At the Fountain of Wisdom, Solomon pushed for us to choose humanity over everything else. Honestly, it pissed me off. It felt manipulative, like he was actually saying ‘choose me over the brothers’. I might be the only one who took it that way though. XD

The grimoire was the simplest choice for me. It wasn’t even a thought. It was going into Lucifer’s hands. All other things aside, I don’t think it’s right to control people, especially those we care about. (But that’s a personal history I won’t get into ;3) Declaring a promise to ‘protect’ them is pretty spot on for me too, which led to the events of chapter 12.

Unconscious me getting sweet visits from all 7 brothers was touching. Especially seeing that Belphie, having calmed down from his initial outburst, realized that it didn’t matter that we were human, that blaming all of humanity for the fact that Lillith ‘died’ wasn’t right. The benefit of being able to engage with him before he had thousands of years to let that stew inside him, his anger, frustration, grief, and guilt, hadn’t solidified into the cold murderous intent of the original story. His outburst this time was loud, angry, and hot. He hadn’t planned it. Therefore, it wasn’t as hard to dissuade him. A solid threat from Solomon resolved the better part of it, as well as the quick exit. It allowed thought, reflection, and time to calm down and see things properly.

On one hand, it’s good to see him face his grief differently, but on the other it’s hard to see the brothers collectively face it. Aside from Satan, who doesn’t have the personal connection to Lillith, it seemed that the brothers were coping with their grief by distraction. Her name seemed taboo to bring up. It could be said it was that way in the original story, but to a lesser extent. Some of it’s reveal was incidental to your getting to know the brothers, getting to know your environment… but this time, it was an intentional omission. They simply weren’t ready to talk about it. (Although, in Lucifer’s case in both stories, he simply feels it isn’t any of your business)

Nightbringer is a strange character. He calls himself a demon. Yet he could use the Ring of Light. That he even had possession of it is odd. Although it isn’t like we know how Lucifer came into possession of it right? (If I’m wrong on that, please let me know) He’s obviously playing some kind of game involving a much bigger picture than we can see, and are currently oblivious of. I’m starting to wonder if the voice that spoke to us when we were unconscious following our obtaining the Ring of Light from Solomon was actually Nightbringer. I’d originally thought that perhaps it was Michael, but given where things currently are, Nightbringer seems to be the safer bet. When he spoke to us in the latest chapter he tells us it’s our happiness he seeks. He also mentions something about scales being out of balance, as well as bringing night. But to where? Devildom is perpetually dark. The human realm? Likely no. The celestial realm then? What scale of balance is he referring to? Our personal balance? The balance of power within the three realms? If he’s seeking our happiness, it wouldn’t seem he would then seek to upset our personal balance of things. I had a thought on this, which perhaps if it related to the three realms, it could be he wishes to cause a more direct balance within the human realm, as while it already is a balance between light and dark, it is decidedly leaning toward the celestial realm. Is he seeking another war between the angels and demons? One that would lead the celestial realm out of it’s perpetual light? Or is this a more subtle thing. Does he simply wish to somehow magnify the mixing of the three realms? Like a super magnification of Diavolo’s plan of peace? Could it even be an attempt at rebalancing the harmony of the brother’s lives? To return the happiness and joy that was lost to them when Lillith died? The line talking about what MC in regards to the brothers gave me that thought. Are we there perhaps to prevent some past event from happening? (Like a ‘Back to the Future’ type of thing?) Whatever it is, MC and the brothers, are absolutely key.

This would beckon the question of ‘why?’ Who does this plan of happiness benefit? I mean, aside from ourselves. But what does it cost? That is what is to be revealed I suppose. Solomon obviously knows things and isn’t talking. For the first time, I truly find him suspicious, as opposed to mischievous. It’s fun, I suppose, to get to enjoy the domestic aspect of living with him currently… and seriously, I love this awkward aloof man. I’ll do a write up on that soon enough… but it’s safe to say from my personal perspective, that I’m very suspicious of his actions.

How intrigued are you guys about Barbatos? Why can we not go to him with the story of what is happening? If nothing else to explain where we are from and seek assistance in returning to our proper timeline? The red flags for why could be in the persistent insinuations that Barbatos may well indeed be Nightbringer. From the opening, which is clearly narrated by and talking about Barbatos, and the card which shows his scary wide smile over a set of scales while he plays with the puppet of a king… it’s hard to ask, but is Barbatos responsible for Diavolo’s father falling into his sleep? Is he now, or was he then, controlling the royal family, including Diavolo? Or could he also be connected to Nightbringer in a similar way to Solomon? I personally can’t see him controlling Diavolo in either instance… perhaps this story given in the intro is something which Barbatos did in the human realm at the behest of Nightbringer? …again, we’ll have to wait and see.

I wonder if the brothers can feel us in their past… like are they sitting there and suddenly remember they had an attendant named ‘MC’? Do they realize that it’s you? Do these new memories you’ve made pop up in their minds 3,500 years in the future? Is it distressing or comforting? I want to hug them all. Both past and present… -sigh- chances are that feeling isn’t going anywhere.

My sole ‘complaint’ if that’s what it can be called, is the appearance of Simeon and Luke. They aren’t exchange students yet, as RAD still doesn’t exist… but ‘poof’ here they are… way too early, and under no well defined explanation. (Or at least to me…) it seems a bit contrived. Like the devs had to keep them involved because they’re dateables, even if the story doesn’t support their appearance… I say that as if my angel husbando and my child are unwelcome… that isn’t the case, I just wish the events surrounding their sudden appearance made more sense. Maybe I just missed something in the story?

What does everyone think of the story and game this far? I, for one, keep flying through each chapter as soon as it is released, and wait anxiously for the next chapter. It’s quite compelling thus far… and I’m excited to see where it goes.

[storiesofsvu]

My secret:

Feel free to ignore, this may be triggering I just need to get it out. I saw a comment on TikTok today that the lesbian community is very fatphobic and how masc women only like skinny femmes. As a baby gay in recovery from an ED who is now a healthy weight (not skinny) I am FIGHTING my brain so hard. So far I have loved being a lesbian but now I am terrified no one is going to love me unless I loose weight. Especially when people are shouting about a masc shortage, my choices are extremely limited. I’m gonna be alone forever. Anyway, feel free to let this rot in your asks for the rest of eternity. I don’t need a response I just needed to get it out of my head haha. Thank you ♥️

okay, totally understand that you just needed to get this off your chest nonny, but I don't want to just leave it to rot in my ask box, cause i think it's important for lots of people to know.

I'm furious about that comment and that you had to be subjected to it. There likely is fatphobia in the community, it's present in every form of humanity and that fucking sucks and is dumb. The people that hate will hate and continue to spew it but know that there are far more many people in the community/world that don't agree with it. They will love who they love and honestly it doesn't matter what people look like, it's who you are in your heart that matters. (i know that sounds so fucking cheesy and cliche and some bullshit line to make you feel better but it is true.)

As a fellow ED recovery, I feel you, I really do. And know that I am so proud of you for being in recovery and being at a healthy weight. I know how hard that can be and how hard it is to continually break the bad habits on a daily basis. Also body dysmorphia is a fucking bitch, it's hard to block out those thoughts esp in situations like this.

You do not need to change yourself to find love. Ever. Period.

It might seem like you're going to be alone forever, or that you're struggling to find dates, or that dating apps suck (spoiler alert, they do, especially as a queer woman). But if anyone ever tells you to lose weight or change your appearance for them/if you want the to date them, that's the first red flag that you should walk away, they aren't worth it.

i don't really understand the whole "masc shortage" piece of this, because again, imo you honestly can't really help who you fall in love with/develop feelings for. Sure, everyone can have a "type" but if i look at what my "type" is vs the people i've dated or even slept with, it doesn't always match up. I was also a young baby bi girl who thought girls were gorgeous and i liked them sexually and romantically (the first person i developed major feelings for was a girl, i lost my virginity to a girl) but i always thought id never end up with a girl. Now i'm sitting here with a much larger preference for someone who is not a cis man. same thing; i thought i was only into femmes when i was younger but now i'm totally into mascs and everyone in between. I dunno, i'm sure there are people out there who only date femmes or only date mascs and that's chill, you do you. basically what i'm trying to say is that times change, the world changes, and as you grow and discover yourself as a human, your thoughts might change?

Man, i dunno, I'm just a stranger on the internet lol.

[lagncx]

Astarion x dream visitor reader

Adorn- Miguel (inspired by his godly intro)/// I am not a writer I do this for fun but I put my heart in it/// erm Tw:cazador and uh…this sum short while I work on series

Astarion changed into his night clothes he felt his hair for anything out of place before taking some water slicking it down and laying a piece of silk cloth over it tying it tightly he removed any rings and jewelry laying it on the ground next to him and he got comfortable in his bedroll his mind was racing to blow out the candle the tent filling with the aroma of eucalyptus he just took a shaky breath and closed his eyes forgetting the tadpole, the monster Hunter, Cazador. He was peaceful and he started to sail away into slumber.

  His eyes opened. It wasn't his tent he looked around. It was dark and wet, with nothing but trees and tall grass. He got up, his throat tightened up when he heard his master laugh. The sound of his voice sent chills through him. His blood, If it was pumping would run cold he bared his fangs in defense like a dog in a corner. 

“You've got some talent running off for so long…I let you play now it’s time to come back home” Cazador the voice was taunting but cold Astarion looked to his left and there he was, his eyes glowing as he stepped toward astarion hand. Astarion stood his ground “No! I won’t be a slave to you anymore!” Cazador snapped his fingers, tree vines entangled his lower body, Astarion struggled, his breathing panicked “You think you can say no to me? Your master? You might need to be reminded who saved you.” Cazador snarled, pulling Astarion by his hair exposing his neck. “I’m not afraid of you,” Astarion said. 

  With a blast of light, Astarion was dropped, then Cazador was gone and the woods lit up trees moved and he was laying on a hill grass embracing him soft and warm. Not wet. Astarion's breathing was still fast he felt a hand on his. “Calm yourself, it was only an illusion he can’t hurt you now.” That voice…confident, strong, and sweet. Astarion jumped and looked at the person to the side that lay with him in the grass “Who the hell are you?!” He gasped his breathing was uncontrollable. The stranger placed a hand on his chest pushing softly

 “Hello I am your subconscious, don’t be afraid I am yours and yours alone. I am your projector and you the projection, and I am always supreme.” With the ending of their introduction, their eyes glowed a deep bright purple and Astarion’s breathing calmed. He looked down at their hand pushing it off of him. “That explains nothing. Where am I?” He looked around for anything familiar. “Where is my camp? I was just there.” He looked back at the stranger who only smiled at him “You are not here, you're back in your tent. But you're in a dream. Cazador wasn’t really here. I just couldn’t stand to see you like that and I could hear and feel your thoughts. So I intervened.” Astarion looked around “makes sense I’ve never even seen fields like these.” He sighed “Thank you, but I’d like to go back now.” He looked at your face, your eyes glowing purple, you looked behind him and a sound of some sort went off. Astarion turned, seeing a mirror and seeing the camp on the other side “Go on.” you smiled. “This will not be the last of our speakings. But I will always be here to help you.” Astarion stepped through the mirror “sure” absolutely not some random person in his dreams. But now he didn’t feel so cold and alone. You pointed things of importance out to him but you yourself were still a mystery

[leighsartworks216]

I Forgive You

Obi-Wan Kenobi x gn!reader

This is 100 percent self-indulgent. I barely looked at lore or timelines (a huge weight off my back tbh bc I ALWAYS tear my hair out over everything being 100% compliant always) so if none of this works that's too bad

Warnings: mentions of blood, mentions of a dead body, hurt/comfort??, some fluff, possibly OOC bc I didn't rewatch the prequels to get a feeling for their personalities, mixed POVs (switches between reader (Second POV/"you/yours") and Obi (Third POV/"they/them"))

Word Count: 3982 (YOOOO)

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The caverns were dark and damp. The skittering of rodents filled the dark cravesses, impossible to see without the aid of a light. Obi-Wan watched as his padawan, Anakin, jumped away from the wall, searching the floor for whatever just crawled over his boots.

The Jedi-in-training huffed. “Any ideas on getting out of here?” He gestured to the metal bars containing them. Years of being dripped on by stalactites crusted the metal over with solid mineral deposits. Despite this, they were still strong, with no sign of deterioration.

Obi-Wan looked around. Behind them - a large stone wall. The other three sides - solid prison bars. He frowned at the skeleton in the corner.

“Get your slimy hands off me!”

All attention was directed toward the shout. It echoed down the labyrinthine corridors. This base was expansive… A loud thud, followed by a growl of contempt. Around the corner, a hulking 4-armed creature dragged a body. The Jedi stepped back as it got closer.

The creature, pale with dark eyes and a long mouth full of teeth, snarled at them. It pulled out a key and unlocked the heavy door. With barely any effort, the body was thrown inside.

The first thing Obi-Wan noticed was their helmet. It was undoubtedly Mandalorian, but the rest of their outfit was unfit for a Mandalorian. Rather than a heavy suit of armor, suited to the war-like attitude of the clan, they were in robes not dissimilar to the Jedi’s. The glass visor had a crack down it.

The person struggled to their hands and knees. Before the creature could shut the door, however, the Mandalorian lunged and pushed the beast back. It growled - almost screamed - in a horrific manner. Its lower limbs grabbed their arms and shoved them back, before it reeled back and in quick succession kicked their stomach and their visor. The stranger laid on the floor, groaning in pain, as the creature slammed the cell shut. Obi-Wan did his best to avoid the gut-wrenching look it threw their way before it shuffled off into the dark tunnels once more.

The crack splintered out now, creating an intricate web along the visor of the helmet. Obi-Wan was the first to offer assistance.

-

“Are you alright?”

You swallowed down the rising bile in your throat. Pain emanated from your stomach and your face. Already, you could feel warmth oozing from your nose.

Don’t panic. Deep breath. Did it break anything?

You pressed a hand to your ribs, feeling for any pain. No. It only came from your abdomen, which no doubt was turning black and blue as you laid there.

The blood.

You opened your eyes. It was harder to see now, as the glass cracked dangerously, but it would do. A face hovered over you. His brows were furrowed with concern and confusion. He looked… familiar.

No time.

With a groan, you pushed yourself to a sit. The blood changed course from flowing down your cheeks to fall down your chin. So it was a lot then.

You turned your attention to the other prisoners. The one who had been leaning over you now sat back in a kneel, watching you carefully. You hated the distrust that colored those blue irises. The other stood back further, glancing from his Master to you. His face was twisted with suspicion. You did not linger long on the carcass in the corner, or its rictus grin.

“Are you alright?” the man asked again.

“I’m bleeding.” The helmet muffled your voice, but if you pitched your voice down an octave, who would notice? “Can you turn around?”

“Master,” the dark-haired jumped in, just waiting for any reason to share his distrust with Obi-Wan.

But those blue eyes were wiser and more caring than any skepticism. He stood and backed away toward the other. Without removing his eyes off you, he whispered to his padawan. “It’s their code.”

The other man leaned in to whisper - rather angrily and not-so-quietly. “They could attack us. We have no reason to-”

“I won’t,” you cut in. The dark-haired one fixed a glare on you. You didn’t look at him, though. Your eyes were set firmly on Obi-Wan, whose face had yet to relax. “When it kicked my helmet, it hit my nose. I just need a moment to clean the blood.

“Besides,” you looked to the padawan, not that they could tell under your helmet, “I’m already breaking the code by removing my helmet with you here. Why risk any more of my honor?”

Silent, the padawan turned to his Master. Obi-Wan continued to study you. The blood touched your lips, seeping between the cracks to taint your mouth with iron.

-

After a moment, he nodded. He had no other choice but to trust them at their word. Obi-Wan turned to Anakin and placed a hand on his shoulder, guiding him to turn around with him.

“Thank you.”

The Jedi were left to staring through the bars into the darkness, and listening as the stranger removed their helmet. There was a faint curse, then fabric ripping. Obi-Wan closed his eyes and listened.

Somehow, though he could not place it, the voice sounded familiar. Maybe it just reminded him of someone else, but he could’ve sworn…

His face hardened. There was no time to linger on the past. They needed to get out of here, one way or another. Preferably without getting cornered in the labyrinth by any of those creatures. And preferably with their lightsabers.

The Mandalorian threw a strange wrench into the mix, too. There was no telling if they were on the Republic’s side, or if they were just biding their time until they got their own weapons back to attack. Could they trust this stranger in their escape? Why was the Mandalorian here in the first place?

He was pulled back from his mind as dirt shuffled behind them.

-

You sighed as you pulled your helmet back on. The humid air of the cave was of little relief from the stuffy headgear, but at least your nose had stopped bleeding. At least it wasn’t broken. You used the bars as a support to help you to your feet.

“You can look now.”

The padawan didn’t seem as tense when he turned and saw you as far across the cell as possible. He was on edge, though. Obi-Wan still looked confused, but his determination won out above all else.

“What’s your name?” he asked.

It was the simplest question in the world, but it still had you scrambling for a suitable alias. You didn’t want him to know quite yet.

“Vros,” you lied. “And yours?”

Neither of them were suspicious with the fake name, any more so than they were your presence. “My name is Obi-Wan Kenobi, and this is my padawan, Anakin.”

You nodded respectfully.

“Do you have any ideas how to get out of here?” Obi-Wan asked.

You grinned, though they could not see it. “Just use the key and walk right out,” you spoke with a teasing lilt.

Anakin didn’t enjoy the playfulness. “How?” He gestured to the solid wall and metal bars. “We’re trapped on all sides, with no way of even getting a key. How do you propose we just stroll on out of here?”

You lifted up the key. It was as rough and crusted over as the bars. Their faces fell from shock and, perhaps, fear. It was hard to tell. “I snagged it off the guard, before he kicked me down.”

Obi-Wan stepped forward. “Do you know how to get through these tunnels?”

You looked out the bars, into the pitch dark. “Not really, but I have faith.”

-

Faith was an unnatural word to hear coming from a Mandalorian. As far as he knew, Mandalorians relied on their guns more than they relied on any notion of belief. Honor above all else, and guns above that. Though, he couldn’t say he was an expert in their culture.

Vros leaned against the bars, working carefully as they reached through and used the oddly-shaped key to unlock the cell. With a click, it was unlocked. Slowly, they pushed open the door. It creaked, and they stopped to listen for guards. And then they pushed it further open. It creaked, and they waited once more. Once it was wide enough, they slipped through and held it open for him and Anakin to slip through. They left the cell open, but removed the key, tucking it away in a fold of their clothes.

“You’re Jedi, right?” they whispered, but did not wait for a response. “Can you sense your lightsabers? It would lead us in the right direction.”

Now wasn’t the time to ask how Vros knew they were Jedi. While Obi-Wan brushed it off, instead focusing on the pull of his lightsaber through the darkness, Anakin looked sideways at the Mandalorian.

“This way,” Obi-Wan whispered. He crouched down and walked with light steps close to the walls as he led the way. Anakin would not go until Vros did, following behind and keeping his eye on the stranger between them.

-

You followed close behind. Unable to see any further than Obi-Wan, you were stuck to trusting blind faith that you were going the right way. You winced every time your boots scraped against the loose dirt a little louder than you’d like. Your heart pounded against your chest, just waiting for something to step out of the shadows.

Obi-Wan came to a stop, pressing his entire body against the rock wall. Anakin did the same. You stepped in front of Obi-Wan, just far enough to peer around the corner he stopped at. The Jedi Master watched as you stared hard into the darkness through your helmet. And then you were quickly stepping back, falling against the wall right between him and his padawan.

Footsteps.

Your heart matched the pattern of the feet dragging through the dirt. They got closer. Closer. You could hear the disgusting gurgling sounds of the creature, standing just around the corner. They stopped.

You all held your breaths.

And waited.

And waited…

They began retreating back in the direction they came. You all waited a moment longer before it felt safe to breathe again.

Obi-Wan glanced around the corner, and continued guiding you into the gloom. Oh the things you would do for a torch.

-

The tug was closer now. Through a wall or a door. But he couldn’t pinpoint which way he needed to go to reach it. The crossroads waited for a decision. Continue forward the way they’d been going? Left? Right? He just knew there was no going back.

His brows pulled tight together as he tried to pinpoint where the Force was leading him.

And then Vros was stepping out ahead again. They went no further than the edge of the wall, peering forward, then left. In the distance, feet marched along set paths.

They looked right. All the halls, as far as they could tell in the murk, were identical. But one must be the right path. If Obi-Wan could just-

Vros stepped silently to the other wall. They peered around the corner, searching for some invisible thing. Anakin scooted up right beside his Master. They both shared a look.

The Mandalorian turned back to them and nodded down the right path. They didn’t wait to be sure the Jedi would follow before slipping into the shadows and down the hall. Mentally cursing, Obi-Wan and Anakin quickly moved to follow behind.

They seemed very sure of themself as they guided the Jedi down two more corridors. It was as though they were being pulled toward something. That thought left a strange feeling in Obi-Wan’s gut.

And then there was light. Dim, but definitely there. A large stone door that wasn’t fully sealed on all sides was all that stood between them and freedom.

-

So your senses were right, the exit was this way. You ran a hand along the reddish stone, feeling for any sort of mechanism that would open it. Alas, there was nothing. The creatures probably pushed it open with their brutish strength, if they ever left these tunnels, that is.

You pressed your shoulder against an edge of the door that had slightly more light shining through the crack, and pushed.

“What about our lightsabers?”

You stopped, attention drawn to the padawan. He looked between Obi-Wan and you, torn between freedom and the Order. Obi-Wan didn’t seem any less torn. He peered back into the gloom, the all-consuming darkness. Somewhere in there, his saber called to him, just as yours did.

“I can go back and get them,” you whispered.

“And why should we trust you not to run off with them? Or just kill us?”

Anakin was a veritable brick wall. You huffed indignantly, trying to meet Obi-Wan’s eyes even through your cracked visor. “It will be easier for just one of us to sneak through than all three.”

Obi-Wan wasn’t so easily swayed this time. “Then two of us will go.”

You bit back your frustration as he turned to his padawan. “Try to get this door open. If we’re not back in 10 minutes, don’t do anything stupid, just get yourself to safety and contact the Counsel.”

He looked back at you, nodding his head for you to lead. You tried to bite back your guilt as you pressed back through the dark.

You back-tracked slightly. You could feel the separate forces that pulled you - one toward the exit, and the other in the direction you needed to go.

You peered around a corner, listened, and then went down corridor after corridor. The further you went, the closer to the heart of the maze, and the more footsteps surrounded you. You reached an intersection and stopped, waiting.

You could feel it. Right in front of you was a creature. It stood right in the middle of the crossroads. You couldn’t risk being seen. Even though it was dark for you, no doubt the creatures had adapted to the inky black they lived in.

A hand grabbed your wrist, a warning. Obi-Wan had sensed the creature, too. He tugged, starting to head back to find another way around, but you stopped him. He watched, entranced, as you held a hand to his chest to keep him against the wall. You were studying your surroundings and your options. He felt it as much as you that the sabers were just across from you. Calling to you. Calling for you.

You removed your hand from his chest and slowly, slowly pulled the key from your robes. As much as you dared, you peeked around the corner. A beat, a breath, and you were throwing the key down the left hall. The creature made an undignified snorting-wail as it followed the sound, eagerly chasing the disturbance.

Your hand found his arm now as you dragged him in a semi-circle through the intersection to the next hall. You pushed him ahead as you leaned against the wall, listening for the creature. It was far enough now that it wouldn’t immediately sense or see you. But the distraction would definitely raise the alarm. You had to be quick now.

Obi-Wan tapped your arm to get your attention before ducking into a sideroom. The room was a little bigger than your cell, though not by much. Along the walls were shelves full of bins carved from metal. All of them were full of odd trinkets, torn clothes, and scary-looking weapons.

Somewhere in here, your lightsaber was waiting.

Obi-Wan was tugged toward a bin at the bottom of the wall. He knelt down and pulled it out. Underneath a scrap of unrecognizable cloth was his saber. Relief flooded him as he attached it to his belt.

You pulled out a box on a higher shelf, right at eye level. You had to set it on the floor just to see what was inside. An arsenal of one-handed phasers were thrown carelessly inside, all lacking power. Buried beneath the defunct guns were two lightsabers. One you immediately recognized as yours and you wasted no time tucking it into your robes. The other was foreign to you.

“Is this one Anakin’s?” You held the weapon out to him. He recognized the design immediately. But his eyes found their way down to the hilt sticking out of your clothes. He stilled.

“Is that one yours?” It was accusatory. There was only one Mandalorian to become a Jedi. You were not it. “Or did you find it here?”

A benefit of the doubt. But the collapse of trust had already happened. You said nothing - what could you say? You held out Anakin’s lightsaber further, silently urging him to take it.

Blue eyes stared through your visor, searching for an answer within your facelessness. All he saw was his cracked reflection.

A cry echoed through the halls. It was inhuman. Your hand immediately grabbed your lightsaber, prepared to defend yourself at the drop of a hat. Obi-Wan took Anakin’s saber and tucked it away.

A cacophony of feet stormed their way through the halls, heading straight for you. If you didn’t move now, you’d be cornered here. This was not how you would die.

-

Obi-Wan led the way through the dark halls. His lightsaber provided enough light to help him along. The creatures were following right behind.

Loose dirt beneath his feet made him slide around the next corner and hit his shoulder into the wall. Vros accounted for the momentum and took the lead. They pulled him by the front of his robes off the wall and into step behind them. The exit was only a few turns away.

But the steps and the gurgling started coming from the side.

The orange light of dual suns peeked around the corner. Freedom.

Vros looked over their shoulder. Obi-Wan did, too. The creatures, all four arms and pale skin, long mouths frothing with drool, were right there. Not just behind them. As they passed an intersection, two more hordes came from the left and right. The only open path was ahead.

In a flash, Obi-Wan was pulled once again to the front. Vros slid in the dirt, stopping, and held up their lightsaber. Its yellow light lit up the sickly faces of the creatures. They shouted over their shoulder as they faced the swarm head on.

“Get out of here!”

“You can’t fight them all on your own!” Obi-Wan’s chest felt tight. He was torn in two directions. Did he help this strange Mandalorian, who was all but sacrificing themself for his own survival? Or did he escape with his life, alone, meet up with Anakin, and walk away as if none of this happened? “I’ll stay!”

“Just go!”

As the brutal arms swung, attacking wildly, the stranger did not give up any ground. In a display almost beautiful to witness, they defended their own. They didn’t senselessly murder. No. They used the light from their saber to frighten the beasts back into the darkness. They threw pointed kicks meant to stun or surprise their opponent. They ducked to avoid a heavy blow, but caught another one in an upper-cut to their chin. Their helmet flew off.

That face…

Determined eyes burned into his own, if only for a millisecond.

“Go, Obi-Wan!” 

That voice… He knew it was familiar.

And then a foot planet itself against his chest, sending him backward toward the exit. The blow did not hurt as bad as it should have. Perhaps it was shock.

“Go already!” Their cry was visceral. A desperate last plea to leave, get out of here, save yourself.

Snapped back to his senses, he picked himself back up. It felt wrong to leave you there, but… What choice did he have?

He ran out into the bright daylight. Anakin was leaning against the wall, concern and boredom mixing together, replaced entirely with confusion as his Master rushed out of the tunnels.

“Master?” He rushed over, holding Obi-Wan by his arms to support him as the man rubbed at the center of his chest. “What happened? Where’s Vros?”

The padawan had never seen Obi-Wan so speechless. All he could do was shake his head and stare at the door. Half of him wanted to rush back inside, stuck to your side as he used to always be. But the other half told him to wait. See what happened. It was like a morbid little voice telling him to watch and see if you survived.

Sure enough, moments later, you were backing out of the door, saber still held in front of you defensively. The creatures screeched and whined at the bright sun, slinking backwards into the safety of their dark caves. Once you were clear of the path of the door, you nodded toward it.

“Anakin, Obi-Wan, close the door.”

Anakin rushed to the task. Obi-Wan was awestruck staring at you. You glanced over your shoulder for just a second, and he was pulled back into the present. The combined strength of both men had the stone door shut in no time. They watched as your shoulders relaxed, and you tucked your deactivated lightsaber back into your robes.

They were gray. He hadn’t noticed before - it was too dark to really tell. But sure enough, you were donned in all gray Jedi robes.

“You’re a Gray Jedi…” It came out in a breath. It was full of mixed emotions. Relief, confusion, guilt, solace. You couldn’t tell how he really felt about the revelation.

You nodded.

“Why didn’t you say anything?” He stood arms length from you. His eyes scanned you over. They lingered on your nose, still tinted from blood. They glanced quickly over your attire before he gulped and brought himself back to your eyes. He looked… forlorn. “I looked for you. Everywhere. Why did you leave?”

It was hard to face the consequences of your choices when his eyes were so blue. You stared at his shoulder instead.

“I had to. I heard about Qui-Gon and I…” At the mention of his old Master’s name, he bristled. You bit the inside of your cheek. “I didn’t agree with the rules of the Counsel. I asked to leave. I swore I wouldn’t join the Dark Side, but I couldn’t continue down that path, following rules I didn’t truly believe in.”

He stepped forward. “And you didn’t think to say goodbye?”

You took a deep breath. “I thought… I didn’t want you to hate me for going against the Order.”

“Hate you?” He grabbed you by the shoulders, jostling you slightly and ducking down to meet your eyes. “Y/N, I loved you. And then you left without a word and I thought-” He whispered, as if he didn’t want to speak the words into existence, “I thought you were dead.”

His eyes were watery. Like this, on the verge of tears, they looked like miniature oceans. The guilt in your chest fell through your stomach. The weight hit the bottom of your world and sent cracks through the foundation. You wrapped your arms around him, pressing your face into his neck. He did much the same, fingers gripping onto the fabric of your clothes as though you would slip through his fingers as nothing more than wisps of sand.

“I’m so glad you’re alive,” he breathed.

“I’m sorry,” you croaked.

He shook his head, burying his face further into the crook of your shoulder. “No, please,” he squeezed you tighter to him, “don’t. You’re here. That’s more than enough.”

Wet, hot tears mixed into each of your shoulders’. Neither of you cared.

You sniffled. “I’m sorry I kicked you.”

He laughed. Maker, it was so good to hear him laugh again. Through tears, you smiled. “I forgive you.”

For everything.

A whisper, so quiet he almost missed it. “I loved you, too.”

I still love you.

---

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