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wonderlandhatter · 3 years

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Will you read to me?

Pairing: Spencer x femReader

Summary: You're feeling unsettled after a case, so Spencer helps you get some sleep and get a smile back on your face.

Word count: 1863

Warnings: fluff (is that a warning idk), mentions of an unsub, feeling overwhelmed after an unsub touches you (just your hand and waist nothing in detail). Tiny bit of angst I think mostly fluff though

A/N: Ok so this is my first attempt at writing a fic, it ended up being longer than I thought it would be, anyways if you would like to give me some feedback that would be greatly appreciated, hope someone out there enjoys this, I really liked writing it. Ooh also if I missed any warnings pls tell me.

A/N2: Hey so my old account got deleted so I'm reposting my fics if you have a sec I would appreciate it if you could boost it so i can try and get to where i was, thank you.

It had been a tough case, especially for you, the victimology fit you in every way and so you had been used to draw the unsub out, nothing had gone wrong but you could still feel his hand where he had touched yours, his alluring presence was lingering around you , all you wanted to do was go home and shower this feeling off but first you had to get there.

Unfortunately, there was still 2 hours left in the flight. So, until you did get home you would settle for sleep hoping time would pass faster, though you just couldn’t stop your mind from thinking, well overthinking. Spencer noticed this and it hurt him to see you like this he himself knew nothing had happened but he didn’t like the thought that you had even gone near that creep, to think about what he would have done to you, if the circumstances were different.

He couldn’t imagine what he would do if something had happened, you and him were close, very close, you had first bonded when he noticed your Dr who coin purse on your first day at the BAU, he hadn’t gotten a chance to say anything because at that moment Garcia bubbled into the bullpen announcing that they have a case. but when he saw it again on the jet, he couldn’t resist but to ask if you like the show, you love the show and your face visibly lit up at the mention of it as did his, you both exchanged a few words before Derek piped in to ask if that was the show with the flying phone booth but before Spencer had the chance to correct him, you did. ‘well firstly it’s a Tardis which stands for Time And Relative Dimensions In Space, secondly it isn’t a phone booth it’s a police box.’ Once you finish you simply smiled at him but before he could answer you piped up again early. ‘ ooh ooh and do you want to know why it’s a police box’, Derek honestly couldn’t care less but he couldn’t bare to take away the joy in your face that was brought by this nerdy little show you clearly loved, Spencer might also have been giving him a look that said ‘don’t you dare say no’, so he decided to indulge you, ‘sure kid tell me why it’s a police box’. Spencer saw your face light up even more if it was even possible, and so you began’ So the Tardis is supposed to change in appearance depending on where it is because of a component that is called ‘the chameleon circuit’ but something happened to it so it no longer works and is stuck as a police box, its explained in the first Dr who series in an episode called An Unearthly child. Oh and…..’ by this time Derek has lost interest and was only half listening but Spencer’s full attention was on you as you talked about something that clearly brought you joy, at this point he decided to chime in and so you two spent the rest of the jet ride to wherever it was you were going discussing your favourite episodes, plots and Drs. And so, a beautiful friendship began to bloom.

As spencer’s memory of that day came to an end he couldn’t help but be visibly sad at how much of a contrast your feeling were to that day, there was no smile so big you had dimples no hands moving around animatically as you talked and no interrupting your own sentences as you thought of something else you thought needed to be said. And certainly, no you trying to convince him that David tenant was the best Dr. now there was only an uneasiness about you, you looked sad and in slight distress.

Spencer couldn’t keep sitting there doing nothing, he wanted to take those feelings away no, he needed to take them away, he wanted to go over to you and hold you, place you on his lap and let you bury your face into his cardigan like you had done so many times before on your movie nights, but that wouldn’t be appropriate while the entire team was around, and he didn’t want to make you feel worse by being so forward so instead he stood up from his seat opposite Derek and J.J and made his way to you on the sofa holding his book, you were sat in the corner looking so small, holding a now cold cup of tea.

Your mind was anywhere but there so it took Spencer calling your name quietly before you realised anyone was sitting there, and as you saw him all those bad feelings were drowned out by those of joy and love, they weren’t gone but their overwhelming words were dulled, Spencer just had that effect on you, you weren’t completely sure when your feeling changed from hey that’s my friend, to hey that’s my friend who I would like to kiss, marry, and have babies with. Maybe it was the day he showed you how to do physics magic, or the day he brought you coffee every morning for 2 weeks because he spilled one the previous day on your white shirt, or maybe the first time he hugged you, you knew he wasn’t big on hugs but after a tough case for everyone he could see you needed it and honestly once he was there holding you he never wanted to stop, after that he wouldn’t hesitate to hug you, you both waved it off as friendly but you both just wanted to be as close as possible, maybe when you came to terms with the fact you would both try your best to have physical contact with each other, be it holding hands or falling asleep on each other’s shoulder is when you knew you wanted a lot more.

You were brought back by Spencer’s voice, ‘are you ok’,’ ‘oh, ah yeah sorry , my minds just wandering I guess’ you said looking down at your hands feeling bad for lying, he clearly knew you weren’t he was a profiler after all, and as you stared at your hand you once again remembered his lingering touch on your left hand, before your mind could wander further Spencer held your hand ,he spoke up ‘ don’t think about him, I know that’s what your doing , but he’s gone now were he cant hurt anyone else, were he can’t hurt you’. You looked away from him feeling silly ‘I know that, I don’t even know why I’m acting like this it’s ridiculous honestly he didn’t do anything he just touched my hand and waist but the thought of his hands on me just makes me feel sick, it’s like I can still feel him and I just want to wash it off and that’s all I can think about every time I try to sleep, I just want to sleep and forget about it spence’ as you said this you subconsciously scratched the back of your hand where his had been, spencer took both your hands once again before you could hurt yourself, ‘hey y/n, it isn’t silly, after seeing the crime scenes and knowing what he did to those women it is perfectly reasonable to be feeling like this’ you nod at his words and lean your head on his shoulder as you take in his familiar comforting smell, ‘thanks Spence’ you hear him hum in response as his head leans on top of yours.

You sit in comfortable silence just being with each other not even realising he hadn’t let go of your hand, it isn’t like you had made a move to either, and neither of you were planning on it. The jet was silent as everyone was either asleep, or going through some files, it was peaceful, it was wonderful.

You were the first to break the silence ‘what are you reading’ , ‘Alice’s adventures in wonderland’, you looked up at him from your place on his shoulder with a soft smile and simply stated ‘that’s my favourite book, I have a copy in my desk right now’ , ‘I know, that’s why I’m reading it, ‘ his reason made your heart swell as he continued, ‘even though it Is considered a classic I’ve never actually read it, I must say I am enjoying it’, ‘how far along are you’, ‘about half way’. Truthfully Spencer could have been done with the book already even though he had started it at the beginning of the flight, however this book was different, this was your favourite, this one meant so much to you and so he wanted to take it all in, he wanted that feeling you get when you first read a line that impacts you, a feeling you only get once with that line, a feeling he was getting often in this book because he knew you loved it and so he loved it.

The silence was disrupted by a very large yawn coming from you, he must admit you looked very cute when you were tired (he may also love the fact you were wearing one of his cardigans that you had claimed as your, and you also had very cute sweater paws). ‘Here lie down’ Spencer said, you knew you wouldn’t be able to fall asleep so you asked, ‘will you read to me’ there was barely a beat before you felt the need to justify your request, even though you didn’t need to he would do anything you asked. ‘it’s just I don’t think ill be able to sleep, and your voice is very calming’, the last part you said quietly and felt a light blush on your cheeks, spencer simply smiled and simply answered ‘of course ill read to you’, and so you laid you head down on his lap and he began reading once you were fully comfortable, ‘would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?’’ ‘’that depends a good deal on where you want to get to,’’ said the cat………’’ and so Spencer kept reading to you, an you kept listening, his hand made its way to your hair and began to play with it while your hand drew lazy nonsensical things on his leg , and as you heard the words you had read a million times before, and as the man you held so much love for played with your hair all your worries and thoughts melted away and you slowly let sleep take over , you felt conflicted as you didn’t want to miss this, miss Spencer’s voice recite something that meant so much to you, it was like hearing a completely new story, but at some point you let it take over and so you were finally able to sleep, Spencer never stopped reading to you or playing with your hair in fear of disturbing your peace, he was so happy there was a smile back on your face, he would read to you every hour of every day if it meant seeing you smile.

#spencer reid #spencer reid fluff #spencer reid fic #criminal minds #spencer rwid x reader

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bloody-hearts-lane · 4 years

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How the Slashers Would: Play Among Us

sorry it has taken me approximately a million years to start writing again! i hope the stuff i have in store might make up for it. but to kick it off, something a little bit goofy. c:

Amanda Young

rating: 9/10, upsettingly good.

she probably mains red or black.

amanda is a menace in this game. shes the kind of player that, no matter how good you or anyone else is, you can NEVER tell if she's the imposter or not.

she's just so good at hiding it! half the time, she absolutely carries her imposter team, and you never even know.

she always kills you last, though, if she has to kill you at all. so thats nice, i guess–

she really enjoys setting up games so every aspect can be exactly the way she wants it. she also prefers playing in one imposter games, because she thinks its more challenging that way.

Billy Loomis

rating: 8/10, so..... suspicious.

for SURE mains black.

he's the kind of player who can pull of the weirdest, most confusing series of kills. probably shockingly good at setting up and executing stack kills. how?? how does he do it so smoothly????

he's usually pretty okay at hiding that he's the imposter.

but he will loudly complain if he doesn't get imposter often enough for his liking. he will also get personally offended if you (or stu, or both) get imposter a lot in one game, and he doesn't.

when you get a round where the imposters are really bad, no matter what the reason could be, he critiques the hell out of them and complains about how they are no fun to play with.

he loves when the two of you are an imposter team. even better, on bigger maps, he loves when you, him, and stu are all imposters. it happens rarely, but its his favorite thing.

you know he's considering killing you when he gets weirdly quiet in the middle of a round. just stay away from the vents, you might be fine.

Stu Macher

rating: 7/10, very fun, very chaotic.

never has a main color. switches it up every round. he also likes to wear the pumpkin on his head, or the fried egg.

stu is a good talker, so a lot of the time, he manages to talk his way out of being voted off. you've even seen him manage to talk his way out of being voted off when someone saw him kill another player in front of them.

he's considerably more chaotic than billy, so his kills aren't as smooth, but he has an unnatural knack for knowing when people are alone and taking them out.

he brings a lot of energy to games.

even when you play with him, you make it your number one goal to never be alone with him in a room, just in case.

he assures you that he would never kill you!! (spoiler alert, he won't, until he cant get anyone else alone and he asks you to come watch him do a visual task, only to kill you and win the game. how rude, stu.)

Bo Sinclair

rating: 3/10, girl..... calm down.

feels like a dark blue main.

have you ever seen someone rage quit among us? you're about to!

has a bad habit of getting aggressive in chat, so people tend to vote him pretty quickly even if he isn't imposter.

he fully exits the game the second his poor little character gets shot into space, and then you get to hear about how stupid everyone is while he watches you play over your shoulder.

to be fair, he was usually correct about who the imposter was, so he is a LITTLE justified about being angry, but. homeboy has some Anger Issues and the rage is very real.

as the imposter, he's usually pretty good at not getting caught.... until someone asks what he's been doing or where he was, and he gets a little too defensive.

you can see it coming from a mile away, and if you don't want to hear about him losing for the next three hours, feel free to tell everyone he's been with you the whole time.

Brahms Heelshire

rating: 5/10, stop hiding!!!

mains dark green or dark blue.

dude. get out of the vents.

everytime he kills someone, he will immediately hide in the vents until someone reports the body and the next round starts.

the only time he breaks this pattern is if someone is standing directly over or in front of the vent, at which point he pops out to kill them and then pops right back in.

i mean it works??? i guess??? but come ON–

he has never killed you when he was the imposter, and he gets mopey if you kill him, so i advise against it.

whenever he isn't imposter, he follows you around for like 90% of the game, just watching you complete all your tasks before he even starts his. and he expects you to stay with him while he does his!

Carrie White

rating: 6/10 so pure. so good.

genuinely dislikes being the imposter. she isn't good at lying to people, so she always gets herself caught, and she usually ends up lowkey freaking out and either self reporting the body or not running away fast enough and getting caught.

mostly, when she's imposter, she will close doors and sabatoge things in the hopes that her partner will do the rest.

she usually mains white, and either has the little flower on her head or the the little sprout. gives off very sweet vibes.

as a crewmate, she is very dutiful in getting her tasks done. she always vouches for people, especially you, and will always volunteer to watch someone do a visual task. (sometimes you go with her just to make sure this doesn't backfire on her...... no murdering carrie on your watch).

she talks to everyone in chat too, both in the lobby, and in deadchat. she makes friends everywhere!

she may not be the best at the game, but she is sO fun to play with. just a good wholesome time.

Jason Vorhees

rating: 2/10....... he tried.

do NOT let him set up the game, he will make the walking speeds so slow.

but, okay, first of all, how did you get him to play??? how did you convince him to agree to this??? are we sure he knows whats going on-

i suppose it doesn't matter, he would probably do anything you asked him to do anyway, and if he thinks you would really have fun playing with him, then heaven forbid he say no!

either way, he is dead. silent. for the whole game. he doesn't even type in chat, except for the very occasional 'yes' or 'no.'

he would probably be the person who just said 'yes' if someone asked if he was the imposter.

he also doesn't have a main color, but mostly because he either doesn't know HOW to change it, or doesn't care enough to do it. if you ask him/do if for him, though, he would like either dark green or brown. (you could even give it the cute little hockey mask!)

The Lost Boys (+Star)

rating: 4/10, children please.

this is a group thing. if you convince one of them to play, then they're ALL playing. hell, you might even manage to convince Star to play.

paul is the single most untrustworthy player you have ever seen. even when he ISNT the imposter, his absolute buckwild energy just makes him seem so suspicious. he sabotages everything, and he probably seeks you out just to kill you first.

marko is probably a yellow main, and he always wears the weirdest shit available. he gives me the vibes of someone who would probably get lost a lot on the bigger maps or be the person who pretends he's lost so he has an alibi

dwayne is the one you have to watch out for. he's so good at faking you out, you never know if he's the imposter until he stabs you in the back. he won't even feel bad about it.

sidenote, dwayne lets laddie co-pilot when he plays. laddie makes the decisions, so if someone dies, it was probably not dwaynes choice. these are the rounds where you probably won't die right away.

star is a very casual player, super noncommittal. she is both good to have on your team, and awful, because she will absolutely turn on you and vote you out to save herself as a last resort. shes the only one who won't immediately seek you out to kill you.

when all of them are crewmates, its a hot mess. no one can communicate with them spamming chat, paul never does his tasks, dwayne camps on cams, and marko ABUSES the emergency call button.

The Man

rating: 8/10, actually really good???

he mains red, with the classic hockey mask.

he gets like.... a little too into planning shit. its just a game, its not that deep, pls sir–

but that makes him a very capable imposter, and hes soo good at keeping up the facade and talking with you like nothing is wrong, and before you know it, he's killed three people in the first round.

its really a toss up on whether or not he'll kill you at all in the game. if he does, he saves you til last.

there are times where he gets a little too heated if someone catches him or his teammate turns on him, and he will be fuming until the game ends and he gets to rant into chat. thats usually when you need to step in–

other than that, he's pretty chill about the whole thing. he likes to experiment with kills, like stack kills and taking advantage of glitches or hiding spots.

hes also a MASTER of sabatoge. he's so good at using those tools.

Vincent Sinclair

rating: 8/10, friendship > everything else.

likes to main white, which is interesting, because he is NOT the typical white main.

as an imposter, he's actually pretty good.

he seems like the kind of person to lead you away from everyone, and vent in front of you to let you know hes an imposter, and then ruthlessly kill everyone except for you.

most of the time he will just follow you around to make sure no one else kills you while you do your tasks.

a lot more talkative in chat than you might think, too.

catch him highkey shit talking people with you

hes also a good teammate to have as a crewmember; he always remembers where everyone was, who he passed, who was in a room with who, etc.

just very cool to play with in general.

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1oserjk · 4 years

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— pop goes the cherry

jungkook comes back home to find you visiting as well, all grown up — in more ways than one.

childhood friends / brother’s best friend au

+ this isn’t smut but alludes to the subject of it n the loss of virginity, so if u are uneasy wit the idea then pls!!/ refrain!1!1

x masterlist

* .✫*ﾟ･ﾟ｡.☆.*｡･ﾟ✫*. * .✫*ﾟ･ﾟ｡.☆.*｡･ﾟ✫*.* .✫*ﾟ･ﾟ｡.☆.

“Will you calm down and just listen to what I have to say?”

He’s teetering nervously back and forth in your way too pink bedroom you should’ve grown out of by now. Thankfully, you were visiting for a short amount of time before you’d go back to university to leave him in the dust for another few more years, just like the rest of the times you’d done it. He decided to stop by for a night, courtesy of your brother’s invitation that his little sister was back in town along with them. He mentioned adamantly about wanting the whole family together, which if you added everything up, Jungkook was—and still is—included in the whole ordeal.

He was initially fine, perfectly normal as any other night at the Kim’s house. That was until he walked through the door and saw the face he’d tried to rid out of his head, since he graduated high school and fled to elsewhere, only moving back when you’d finally left home. Until you smiled at him and granted him a whiff of your irritatingly sweet perfume and your strawberry scented hair. Until you tugged on your low-cut dress that hit at the tops of your thighs to reveal an unnecessary amount of skin to him, because now all he could think about was if you really grew a cup size larger than the last time he’d seen you.

He shouldn’t have been thinking these things in the first place when his best friend was just downstairs, probably assuming he’d taken a trip to the restroom, but here he was, in your bedroom with you who sat sweetly with your legs crossed atop each other in front of him.

The room looks the same as a few years back, when he’d come up to knock on your door to announce that dinner was ready, by your mother’s orders. Instead, he’s here, actually inside, by your own asking of a private talk.

What he didn’t expect was for you to ask such an absurd question.

“Will you take my virginity?”

He’s dumbfounded. Absolutely shocked that those crude words had come out of your mouth. It should’ve revolted him that he was being offered something he’d never do to your brother. Never ever. This was sick.

So why did the offer only entice him further? He blamed it on the skirt of your dress that pooled around you when you sat. Or the way your doe eyes widened when you’d look up to gauge his reaction. He was waist-deep in the pool of attraction towards you. It was no hidden fact. Something in your eyes told him that you knew it too.

“I—Can you elaborate on what you just said?”

You shrug. “I just think it’s time to get it over with.”

He would scream in rage of frustration if Taehyung wasn’t in the house, or here at all. The tops of his knuckles turn white in the insides of his grey sweats and his veins that snake around his arms protrude even further. It should’ve made you intimidated, a bit nervous over why he was acting like it was such a big deal but it only makes you rub your thighs together and bite at the corner of your lips. Especially when he stood there, practically towering over you and your small form. It was incomparable, you really should’ve been intimidated. But in the end, it was Jungkook who was.

He timidly takes a seat on the small loveseat spaced out in the corner of your room. Enough for him to actually breathe and gain composure he lost in the beginning. He rests his forearms on the tops of his thighs and he thinks.

Taking a deep breath in, he starts, “Virginity is a big thing to lose..”

Your eyes roll back at the attempt of such an old man approach. “Don’t even try to back me out of this,” you huff. With a pout, you exasperate, “I mean, I’m already twenty-one! Don’t you think I deserve this?”

He tinkers with the thought, “I get that, but it doesn’t make sense over why you’re choosing me to do the deed.” The palms of his hands are splayed out in front of him, like he doesn’t know what to do with himself.

“You don’t have to if you don’t want to, Jungkook,” you promise. “No one is pressuring you to. But I don’t think you realize that I have the capability to choose whoever I want. I’m choosing you for a reason.”

Soon enough, something snaps in him to face the reality of the stupidity in this conversation. “I’m glad you see me as a great candidate,” he drips with sarcasm. “But I’m your brother's best friend. I’ve been his best friend since I moved in the next street over when I was five.”

You shrug again, “—So?”

He glares, feigning cluelessness while he lists off, “Well I don’t know, it’s not something your brother has to lay out for me to know that you’re not allowed to be touched and flirted with. It’s common sense and decency,” he exasperates. “In what sense would it be morally right to fuck you?”

“That’s the problem!” You point. You crawl up on the bed to sit comfortably with your feet tucked under your thighs. A teasing pose you were clueless to note. “I’ve been so deprived from new experiences and feelings Jungkook, it’s absolutely tiring,” you groan. Your fingertips run through your hair and it ruffles messily below your palm. Jungkook takes a long and hard swallow to cope with the stir in his pants. He avoids your gaze when you stare longingly at him.

“Do you remember our time in highschool?” You suddenly ask, and his eyes flutter before shifting precariously to your door, anxious for anybody to knock or even worse—stomp into the room with no warning, something your brother was highly prone to do. When his eyes land back onto you, he nods slowly and carefully. “You were in varsity along with my brother while I had just passed the auditions for a new spot in the junior varsity cheerleading team,” you further explain and his left foot starts to bounce, fingers tightening on the handle of the cushioned chair. Of course he remembers, what with taking up some of the field for practice, running around the track with skimpy shorts, eyes already on you when you would wear the mandatory skirts on game days. God, he remembers so clearly, as if it was just yesterday. “And you had your farewell game as a senior?”

Throat tightening while his eyes widened, only remembering a sliver of what happened right after, when the team had taken their final win for the season.

Tongue coming out from the corner of your mouth to skim across your lips, your head tilts, almost teasingly when you hand him a small smile. “Do you remember, Jungkook? When I ran up to you and—“

“—kissed me,” he finishes off, and your eyes show surprise when he does.

Covering up your slight satisfaction when he reiterates the memorable moment, right before a few months later when he left the town in such a rush. Frankly, you’re quite delighted that he remembered some of the last moments between the two of you. You attempt to keep your cool and the growing grin when you scoff. “On the cheek,” you correct with a shrug. “It was probably nothing to you.”

“But it was still a kiss,” he argues, “And it was from you in the end.”

“Did you like it?” It’s abrupt and rushed, but your feelings were urgent to know. After all these years. “Did you feel anything for me at that time?”

His mouth opens, yet nothing comes out. He closes it back up to think some more, let the right words filter out before he regrets anything. He would be mortified if you were able to pick out his feelings for you, that he failed to stop thinking about you ever since he stepped foot out of this house and never turned back. That he reciprocates the same overwhelmingly long crush you’ve had on him ever since Taehyung had introduced you both to each other.

“I was thankful,” he simply answers. “Glad that I had you along with Taehyung. I appreciate you both.”

It’s a fair enough answer to reel back and to stop mulling it over for a while. At least until he’s gone and you have all night to recall back your conversation of tonight.

He’s so close yet so far away to grasp, so you ask, “Do you know what it’s like to never know the feeling of being touched, Jungkook?”

He takes an interest at the ground, avoiding to give you a valid answer.

You scoff, tilting your head to the side to narrow in at his face, “Of course you don’t. You lost your virginity years ago to Park Chaeyoung,” you spit. His eyes widen significantly. How would you have known? “Right inside of your room while I waited for you downstairs..”

His brows furrow, “I—How?”

Again, you shrugged carelessly. “You were supposed to tutor me that day. I figured you were taking longer to get ready. Until I heard her, and then you.” Your nose scrunches and for a second you let your vulnerability show, a flash of hurt from the memory of walking into the familiar house, finding and hearing out your newfound nightmare and what was the worst case scenario for you to experience. Your head shifts down and you begin to fiddle with your fingers unsurely. “I showed myself out the door when I realized where I was and what I was doing.”

That was right. He had just taken her out after practice to a crummy restaurant and back to his place. He figured he’d do it before his parents got home from work and thought he’d manage to squeeze it before you arrive for your lessons that he volunteered himself for, plainly because he felt you slipping from his fingers when you began your own trek to highschool. He felt like he was the absolute shittiest when he ran a few minutes late only to get a call from Taehyung that you felt too sick to study anything that day. Little did he know you were sobbing yourself goodnight into your pillow.

The tables have definitely turned now. The bed was your throne and you sat there perfectly composed — something you weren’t a few years back. If anything, if jungkook hadn't been sitting like he was now, his knees would’ve buckled beneath him to fall to his downturned fate and humiliation.

“Don’t think that was it, gguk,” you test. “I sat patiently with all of your other pathetic relationships right after.” Your nails pick at the bedding beneath you, right in the middle of your parted thighs, a place he’d like to put his head in between. “You went through a lot of them.. And fucked for most of it too,” you chuckle bitterly.

He watches you slowly crawl at the edge again, fingers digging into the mattress. You can’t help but take notice at the dark chocolate locks placed perfectly at the front of his forehead.

“Swear it was like,” you took time to think, and with a pout you continue, “once you found out how to work your dick, you forgot all about me and left me in the dust.”

He stares dangerously ahead to find you teasing with a smile, like the she-devil you quickly became.

“No fair, Jungkook,” you tsk. “I’m a big girl now.” You wiggle your hips with a giggle. To get him driven to want you—no—need you. To see what he’s been missing all these years. Murmuring hazily, you prompt, “Don’t you think it’s my turn now?”

He stands abruptly, clearing his throat that ran dry, “Isn’t this shit supposed to be meaningful to you? With a person you love and care for?”

Your eyebrow raises, “Was it meaningful with Chaeyoung?” He’s silent. Clapping your hands, you conclude with a sinister smile, “Well then, I think you’ve given me my answer.”

“Why me?” He questions.

Sighing, you run your fingers through your hair that has grown a few inches longer the last time you saw him. Fuck, you were pretty. He’s noticed it growing up, and he’s paying the repercussions of it now. “I don’t know, Gguk.. I want to get this thing I have for you out of my system already.” It was an easier thing to confess when it’s been already a few years to grieve on his absence, a bit impatient from having to drag on the secret you’ve held so near and dear to your heart and scratched into every diary you used to own in your teenage years. Thinking of those, you’ve realized you have been meaning to burn the stash of books under your desk in some time. You make a mental note of that for later. “I figured you owe me this for abandoning me a few years back. I want to have a taste so I can stop these cravings I get so often these days.”

The childish heartbreak runs deeper than that, but you save him the gory details for later—or never.

His throat restricts itself to give an answer but his cock twitches, failing his belief to tell you that he would never go that route to bestow such havoc to your own brother — his best friend. Why didn’t you see any of that?

You click your tongue, observing the older boy squirm in his seat. “Your hands are starting to get fidgety.” Nodding in confirmation, you slide your legs over to sit regularly. A few seconds before you’d make the move of making your own seat on the same spot he had been nervously planted himself at, what was supposed to be a safe distance away from you in the first place.

God, he was so easy to read sometimes.

He makes a fist, ridding them from your view. The tip of his ears run red and he flusteredly looks away.

“You never answered my question,” you taunt.

Exasperatedly, he answers, “Because I don’t think it’s much of a good idea.”

Sighing begrudgingly, you make your advancement towards him. “Jungkook,” Your tone was dipped in honey, stirred around to further the smoothness to it, causing it to make it easier for you to persuade him into the light of all things bad. “That’s not what I asked.”

Now standing in front of him, he has no choice but to look up with a million questions surrounding his head. You precisely slide a knee to the outside of his left thigh and a hand to the opposite shoulder to meld support. You almost catch off balance when you lean further into him. It traps him into grabbing at your hip to steady you. You have him exactly where you needed him most and you don’t even realize it.

You’re already seated on top of him and he starts to sputter for you to get off, especially when you sat so preciously on top of the overwhelming bulge he holds so distinctly.

“W-What are you doing?” He pushes for you to move but you cling both hands on his shoulders to balance the sudden movements from him being underneath.

“Call this an act of bonding.” You massage on his shoulders to relax him and it visibly shows when they start to loosen under your grip. “I haven’t seen you in a while, it’s only understandable.” You shrug. “Why are you so iffy about it now? We always did this when we were younger.”

“Yes, when we were younger. When there was no space in the car or an extra chair to sit on—platonically. We’re adults now, _____,” he emphasizes.

“Which makes it all the more better,” you ease with a smile he melts at. “Because our choices aren’t ran on our mindlessness we used to hold when we were younger,” you shift around and he hisses, “and we can clearly pick out our feelings.” You lean forward, eyes narrowing, letting your hair fall around him, resembling a curtain and covering up the brush of your noses from the suffocating proximity you hold. “So why don’t you make it easier for the both of us—scratch my back while I scratch yours—and tell me exactly what you want.” You ground down and he gasps. “What I’m willing to give.”

“_-_____,” he mutters, pinching at your hip. You hiss and release a bit, your signature pout forming right after. “Are you asking for your brother to catch us like this?” He scolds.

Then, you’re suddenly gone.

You're quick to get up with a huff, even when his hands argue otherwise, practically tugging you forward and down, you ignore it and whip around to return back to the bed draped in the different shades of pink you’ve accumulated over the years.

“What a tough cookie,” you sarcastically mutter to yourself, plopping your ass back onto the bed and returning to the same pose you held just a few minutes ago. “Not a fun one either,” you state for him to hear clearly, observing him stand and walk forward from your peripheral.

He sighs. “Don’t be mad at me.”

“I’ve been mad at you ever since you left, Gguk,” you admit easily and with your eyes, it lures him to hold an expression of guilt when he catches you so sad from the reminder of it, wondering if this was what it was like the whole time he was gone after that.

It hurts him—and it must’ve been even worse for you.

“I missed you.” He hopes you take it as a form of an apology. “Would’ve been worse if I stayed—If I did something to hurt your brother really badly.” He shudders at the mere thought of it.

“Just.. Let’s not talk about him right now?” You reason. “Kind’ve tired of hearing about the bastard that’s stopping me from receiving any kind of action from you right now.”

He snorts and he’s close enough to tilt your chin upwards. “Hey,” he calls. “He loves you.”

You lean back to let your ass meet the bed with your thighs on each side of you. Sighing, you nod, “I know.”

He doesn’t loosen his grip.

“Look,” you start. “It’s not like I’m asking you to light some candles and be gentle. I just want it gone. Take it away. I don’t care if you stick it in, finish, and roll over. I just want to get this over with.”

He scowls and lets his brows furrow together, “Is that all you think of when it comes to sex? Just some time to pass by? To give and that’s it?”

“I’m not left with a lot of theories after being declined from it for so long,” you reason.

He stares at you longingly and you grow antsy when his hands that cradle your cheeks never leave their gentle touch, you wonder if it would be this soft when you would be in bed with him.

“I’m leaving again in a few days,” he abruptly announces and your frail fingers that are wrapped around his wrists loosen significantly. Your eyes widen and you backtrack completely.

“Again?”

He only nods.

Your eyes unknowingly well up and you close in on yourself immediately, alarmed at the fact you have shown your true self to the one person you’ve longed for the most and for such a cost that doesn’t even benefit you in the end. You rip his hands away from you, almost like a band-aid that’s been clinging onto you for a few long days now, turning gross and dirty and you hate it—absolutely hate the way he openly plays you to run into a deceiving mirage, that everything would be okay when he would come back.

He calls for your name, yet you don’t listen.

“I’m sorry,” is all he says. “I—I figured your brother would tell you when I came. I’m only here to get a few things before I would leave again.”

Your eyes flutter closed and you shift your head, refusing to let him see the way you crumble, especially when he practically towers over you when he doesn’t even mean to.

“I can’t—I won’t take something that’s supposed to be special and just leave,” he explains, heart panging when you don’t lift your head. “Please understand me,” he begs.

“Leave,” is all you manage to mutter out. “Please, get out.”

“_____..” He attempts to lift his hand out to touch you again, but you turn away and refuse, only leaving him to be hurt by the action.

“Tell Taehyung I’ll be down in a minute,” then you glare at him, “Because that’s what you came here for, right? To tell me dinner is ready?”

“I-I..” Nothing else comes out, so he only nods to save him from making anymore mistakes.

You let out a small laugh, it cracks in between, but the facade is still there. “I think it’s the fact that If I didn’t tell you the way I felt, if I didn’t sit you down to tell you myself that I want you and make an absolute fool out of myself like this — you probably would’ve never spoken for yourself..”

He falters, close to arguing until you repeat yourself all over again, hurt and annoyed, “Get out, Jungkook.”

He reluctantly obliges, shutting the door closed and ignoring the thump that hits the door right after, one of your pillows hitting against the surface while you pathetically sit in the middle of your room with tears running down your eyes so pathetically and to your own humiliation to bask in.

Taehyung’s brows furrow and he stands in the middle of his parent’s backyard porch with utter shock. It’s close to two in the morning and he’s tipsy. “You’re leaving early? We just got here.”

It’s a long gulp from his own bottle. “Yeah.” He utters some bullshit about his work and how they want him back sooner. Of course, Taehyung never presses, believing in every word that comes out of his mouth. In a lot of ways, you were both so similar. He doesn’t mention the abrupt confrontation that only happened several hours ago, nor the fallout of it either.

“That sucks,” Taehyung says, “You were the one to suggest coming back home.”

“Yeah.” He gulps the rest down and it burns this time. Midway he only realizes he traded out the beer bottle for the cheap vodka when he previously reached his hand out for another. He stops when the face that takes up most of his mind starts to dissipate into something blurry and lacking definition.

This way, it’s easier.

“I did,” is all he replies with.

* .✫*ﾟ･ﾟ｡.☆.*｡･ﾟ✫*. * .✫*ﾟ･ﾟ｡.☆.*｡･ﾟ✫*.* .✫*ﾟ･ﾟ｡.☆.

this was a 1k drabble from my old blog so i cleaned it up n added 2k+ words to it!/!/ i wanted to revive it bc she’s so memorable to me

* .✫*ﾟ･ﾟ｡.☆.*｡･ﾟ✫*. * .✫*ﾟ･ﾟ｡.☆.*｡･ﾟ✫*.* .✫*ﾟ･ﾟ｡.☆.

#bts #bts fanfic #bts smut #bts fluff #bts angst #jeon jungkook #jeon jeongguk #jungkook #jungkook scenarios #jungkook angst #jungkook smut #jungkook fluff #jungkook drabble #mine #pop goes the cherry

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rainbowsky · 3 years

Text

Final round-up of fan fic asks

I've gotten a few more interesting responses to the fan fic discussion so I'm going to round them all up here. This will be my final post on the topic until/unless there's a dramatic new development, or a particularly notable response I want to highlight. Thanks to everyone who brought their thoughts and experiences to the topic. I hope everyone at least feels heard.

The biggest piece of advice that I would like to offer is for everyone to focus on what they love rather than what they hate. If we all did that, the world would be a better place. Alongside that, I'd like to remind everyone to please support authors whose work you like. It's so important. Give them a kudos, give them a nice comment, recommend their work to others. You never know what kind of grief and harassment they are dealing with to bring you these great stories, and our support means a lot.

This is in reference to previous posts here and here.

Anonymous asked:

With regard to fandom and fan fic issue, my years of experience being part of very large fandoms has led me to believe that big accounts are v important in facilitating and enforcing the general consensus of the whole fandom. Unless there will be big accs who'll remind everyone of being respectful & just not being a dick over other's preferences, nothing will change.

This is also the reason why I think certain solo fandoms have adapted weird and twisted narratives as their general fandom story because no big acc has tried to police them & and say hey pls be rational. Whether we like it or not, in a place where how far voices, ideas, tweets, posts get heard is based on the number of followers you have, big accs will have the power and influence in creating/curating/shifting the narratives.

So, if you want to know why your/our fandom thinks like this in general, look at what big accs are tweeting/posting, look at what ideas & values they follow, look at their preferences or how strongly they react to certain situations. it's taxing and toxic for big accs given the nature of social media these days, but it's also the reality of system, the more followers/audience you have, the more influence you will have.

So to anyone reading this I hope we all practice more restraint and reflection before we post anything. Remember that words, no matter what medium you write it in, will always carry weight.

So true. It is easy - even for myself who spends a fair chunk of time answering people's asks - to forget that people can sometimes be impressionable and what we say can influence people whether that's our intent or not. I get used to thinking of myself as a regular guy just doing my own thing when sometimes my thoughts and words go well beyond where I initially posted them.

I think it's important for us to be careful what we say, and it's equally important to be careful what we take from what other people say. Especially when it comes to big claims. Always get a second, third, fourth opinion and don't be afraid to ask for clarification if something doesn't sit right or sounds confusing.

It's also important to reflect on how our words and actions might affect other people's experience of fandom, and err on the side of 'live and let live' wherever possible. It's great to have our own preferences and to champion them, but we should try to do so in a way that leaves space for other people and perspectives.

The more unique perspectives and the more friendly, open dialog there is, the healthier the community will be as a whole.

There's nothing wrong with encouraging and guiding growth in the particular areas we are interested in, as long as it doesn't step on, oppress or attack those who are peacefully enjoying something different.

Anonymous 2 asked: bjyx fans attacking gdgdbaby for including zsww/lsfy dynamics in an event named bjyx then turning right around and attacking the zsww/lsfy event organizer for excluding bjyx? god, can you hear my facepalm and sigh of resignation and incredulity from over there? im genuinely not surprised that they're trying to drive an entire part of the fandom out by disgusting them (and me) with these immature tactics. i believe what im about to say next will sound quite bait-y and i respect your decision 1/?

should you choose not to post this. but i do know that it is not only me, in fact there are many out there, that is of this opinion. we just dont talk about it on twitter to avoid the potential mess it will bring lol. okay, here goes nothing. (do note that im talking about the majority here, not every single person is like this) so bjyx fans tend to be cishet females whereas zsww/lsfy fans are more diverse in terms of age and gender, and most of them are part of the queer community too 2/?

i would like to clarify that most of these zsww/lsfy fans are not dynamic exclusive (in the sense that they are friendly and interact with all ggdd fans) they just prefer to "identify" themselves as zsww/lsfy fans (on twitter specifically) just to form a distinction from bjyx fans who mostly are dynamic exclusive (as in; they do not consume non-bjyx content, and straightup refuse to interact with non-bjyx fans, often blocking them). as a result, id say that the zsww/lsfy communiy is way more 3/?

mature and respectful (after all, they're mostly queer people talking about a queer ship) whereas many problems in this fandom, such as the homophobia, adamantly insisting on "drawing lines" between dynamics, stem from the bjyx exclusive fans, comprised of cishet females who "may not know better". so, it is of no surprise to me that they're resorting to these immature tactics of calling gg unsavory names, and organizing retaliatory events with controversial topics in an attempt to "purify". 4/4

I trust that you have arrived at that theory through your own experience and observation. I haven't personally spent much time immersed in this stuff so I can't claim to have any real insight or expertise. If you say that's your experience of it, then at the very least that's how you've seen things up to this point.

I just want to say that I think we should always be careful about making assumptions about people's age, gender/gender identity, etc.

There are plenty of good reasons to avoid doing that; because those assumptions could be very wrong, because those assumptions are often laced with ageism, sexism, etc., because those assumptions - even when correct - might not be an accurate basis for the conclusions we draw.

But the primary reason I recommend avoiding those type of assumptions is because anything that enables us to clump a group of people together in our minds like that will tend to make them easier to demonize and dehumanize. They are no longer individuals who are each responsible for their own unique perspectives, they are now 'the X group' who is known for 'A B C series of easily attackable ideas or behaviors'.

If we attribute undesirable traits and behaviors to a group of people we feel opposed to in some way, that makes us feel more righteous and justified in behaving unfairly toward them, dismissing their humanity and warring with them. It's just risky behavior to engage in, even when it's well-intentioned.

There might actually be some truth to what you're saying. It could very well be that most of these people are young, inexperienced, heteronormative, etc. but if that's the case then we should try to use those traits to better understand and empathize rather than to better dismiss and discredit.

Just my two cents on that.

It can be really frustrating dealing with what feels like other people attacking us, trying to oppress us, etc. - especially when there are more of them than there are of us. In my experience the best solutions to that sort of problem are generally the ones that focus on what we are doing and want to do rather than what they are doing that we don't want them to do.

As I am always preaching, we can't control what other people say, do or think. The only thing we have any control over is what we say, do and think (and how we respond to what they say, do and think).

I have found in my experience that the moment I step out of a conflict mindset and instead step into a problem-solving mindset, everything starts to come together. I feel better, my outlook is more positive, I can begin to see solutions and allies rather than problems and enemies, and most of all, I become more focused on what I am doing than what others are doing.

So I would recommend everyone who is invested in resolving these conflicts focus on that. "How can we best showcase and encourage the types of stories we enjoy?" instead of "How can we stop these other people from doing things we dislike?"

Anonymous 3 asked:

Hello again! It’s anon #3 from the fanfic post. I really do appreciate reading your thoughts on various issues like this, so thank you for always taking time to write in depth. As for supporting without going to war, the simplest way has always been to just show appreciation for the creators, hype them up. Kudos are the easiest way on ao3 but comments in addition are great. This goes for all content—art, fics, vids..etc. Creators love to see and read how people react to their content. Sharing is also great, fic recs are very helpful, just be cautious with art and reposting though. Hope this helps a bit!

Thanks so much, Anon. I think this is excellent advice. And it's true that appreciation is great, but helping to expand the audience is also great. Recommending stories, pointing people to the pages/websites of artists we like (as opposed to reposting), sharing our own ideas and approaches, encouraging people to try new things... all of this helps build healthier communities.

And here's another one: WRITE! DRAW! CREATE!

I urge anyone with creative interests or talents to bring their voices to the community because we all can benefit from hearing from you.

Thanks again everyone for sharing your thoughts on this issue. I hope that over time we can all work in positive ways to improve the situation.

I think this subject has been well-covered now so I'm going to retire it for the time being. If anyone still feels they want to discuss it further please feel free to message me privately. Thanks.

#fan fiction #fandom reflections #ask

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lemonade-of-gods · 3 years

Note

ASK GAME for Danmei Fandom: 17 :P

17. Who has the worst case of "main character syndrome"?

Okay this actually made me google Main Character Syndrome and I am very tempted to put Xie Lian here (bc SQX lampshades it jfhfhfjfjdkjs)

In fact if I think seriously I think I'd appoint He Yu as a potential candidate (rich boi, extremely talented hacker, Adarsh vidhyarthi on the outside, v angsty backstory, can do directing, acting, makeup, detective shit, pls someone cast him as an Indian filmy hero he'd make it)

But the thing is I can't even say that they actually have MCS because the authors have written them so well (or are writing them so well). The narrative doesn't cater to them or have anything against them

Like Jun Wu lives because he is what Xie Lian would have become if Hua Cheng hadn't been there for him and the narrative doesn't discriminate against him because he's Xie Lian's enemy or anything. Jun Wu gets Mei Nianqing back after his defeat and he's appropriately punished.

Xie Lian starts off as a loser type but the sad backstory is not made up just for sympathy points. The world he lives in sucks and its eerily like how our world is, with its cancel culture and influencers here there and everywhere. His idealism causes his downfall and its written in an objective manner (neither does the narrative try to work for him nor against him, it is what it is)

(you know how in YA novels you wanted to live in that world and be a shadowhunter/wizard/demigod/whatever? It's the opposite with danmei novels fjdhjdjs)

He Yu could have had MCS (in fact from the way the chapters are titled I believe in the theory that this is all being narrated by the guy at some point in the future, hence all the perfection kfhdjd)...

... but the thing is all his perfect qualities are not enough to get the cheer of the one character that matters the most (in fact he needs to find another way to do it or he and XQC will be stuck in a rut forever, and not the fun kind damn it)

His story is still going on, but Meatbun treats all her characters fairly.

I'd like to add that some of the LIs may/may not get MCS treatment from fans, especially Meatbun LIs) but there's definitely a bias treatment going on. People tend to forget that at the end of the day they genuinely hurt the MCs

and the MCs have every right to be angry when they have little to no information on just WHY they were hurt so (Gu Mang was saying NOTHING, even after getting some of his memories back and it took Mo Xi almost killing himself to find the truth for example). No one is saying that the method of handling the anger was correct but by the gods please remember that the narrative doesn't lambast the MCs methods for a REASON.

#danmei #this is... lots of rambling fjdhdkdjdjjd #lemonade rants

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jae-canikeepyou · 4 years

Text

| temporary | j.jh

pair: jaehyun x fem!reader

genre: angst?? idek what else to describe what i wrote (nonstop) but yeah idk you judge :D

a/n: i don’t want this to flop just because it’s sad hours.. jk! there’s 7.1k words down there but hey, angst could be good, but i don’t think this is well written because the structure writing’s meh. so aNywHo i hope what’s below could touch your heart? pls lmk! enjoy reading! ~j

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

you hate this.

you hate the smell of some random sharp chemical scent stinging your nose, the bland flavours of each meal, the repeated uniform gowns put onto you like you were attending school again. well you were supposed to be until medical records showed you were sick. not dying but based on several incompatible matches and rejected cases to cure your condition, you knew the trail you stood on was heading there.

it was dreadful, knowing that the weeks turned to months— waiting sucked big time especially when you continuously had to cross out days without a specific date to look forward to.

“don’t worry y/n. this is all temporary.” was the only sentence your brother told you.

you hoped all this would be a hurdle to jump over, like another race to finish. running along the track line had its perks. you get to challenge yourself at the endurance you have while the time ticked and caused a rush of exciting adrenaline. the audience were cheering too. the downfall?

you were tired.

to the point you wanted to stop this illness so you wouldn’t have to suffer anymore. the track drawn out for you was neverending.

here’s the good part though,

jaehyun was with you all since the day you arrived, and cheering for you too— like your own personal health companion. the encounter with him was amusing now that you recalled it.

( three months ago )

you sat comfortably on the bed, still adjusting to the new yet familiar setting. “change into this gown, and i’ll assist you to the doctor once you’re done.” nurse kim, better known as jisoo, patted your shoulder before she tended to others in need.

“thank you.” you mouthed, throat still sore from crying because you didn’t want to be back in the hospital. though you really felt fatigue consuming you and energy was vacuumed out of your system, you forced yourself to change anyway.

not until your peripheral spotted a young man opposite from you stared at your body that was half way to exposing. he knew you were about to react, so he rushed to cover your mouth and managed to muffle out a scream trying to escape your lungs. “shhh! please don’t!” he pleaded and gosh how melodic his voice was for a baritone.

thank heavens this man was ethereal, or else you would’ve smacked him with your fists like any other stranger intrusion. he finally let go of you knowing you’ve calmed down. “hi? i’m sorry if i came off as perverted but i mean no harm! i’m friendly!”

“well hello friendly.” your sarcasm on point. “what are you doing in my side of the i.c.u.? there’s a curtain surrounding my corner and how did you get in here without my knowledge? i should be able to notice you either way.” you hugged your torso.

he crossed his arms at the tone of your voice. ”it’s jaehyun. my name’s jaehyun.” he corrected and sat at the end corner of the bed. “that’s kinda hard for me explain.”

“what’s hard to explain-”

“it’s like how it is to a math solution.” he said, his body adjacent to the window. “go on and change. i won’t look.”

you rolled your eyes and kicked him off of the bed. “ugh you’re a pain. i’ll be more assured if you’re out of here.” you took off your clothes and into the new fabric and observed his back figure. he had toned muscles denting slightly under his denim pajamas and white home slippers. he didn’t leave, just kept his word by not peeping at you.

the bed creaked softly alerting him of your finished action. “ah, you’re done!” he exclaimed and turned around in interest.

“what business do you have here if i may ask?” you went to the extent of covering yourself with another pillow.

jaehyun hummed as he rubbed his chin, dimples hollowing and prominent stubbs pricked his fingers. “i’m looking for something i left. it’s a keychain.”

“couldn’t you just go to the lost and found section?” you asked, shooing him away while you scrolled down your phone. again he didn’t leave. “how long are you staying?”

a sly grin crept his face. he leaned closer to you as if he were to kiss you. “as long as you want me to-”

“gross!” you slapped him but he read your actions, stopping your from pursuing. “just find the damn item and leave!”

“fine sheesh.” he shrugged and began searching it under the bed, crawling around to see if it was there.

boredom soon came and you tried to clear your mind from what just happened. you went to the camera icon to take a picture of him to show to your best friend. the viewfinder captured his fluffy hair, side profile with his dimples stapled to his cheeks. his lips were pursed and brows were scrunched. as you sent it, you laid back inclined to the bed, waiting for him to say ‘eureka!’ or ‘found it!’.

but he said neither.

your phone dinged soon enough that your eyes widened.

[09:03] yuna: did you see a cockroach crawling again? if yes then you’re a bad photographer 😆

you let out a long “ha?” and jaehyun looked up to see your face as sour as it could get. “what’s wrong?” he asked and sat next to you as if you both were close already. his face turned blank when his eyes looked at the phone, and he knew you saw his change of expression.

“this is what i mean it’s hard to explain.”

there was a long silence and then it hit you. it wasn’t sheer panic bubbling your lungs or fear overpowering your mind. more of a fascinated shock of a revelation. “y-you you’re—”

jaehyun smiled embarrassingly, scratching the nape of his neck. “yeah.. i’m a—”

“a ghost.” “an angel.”

“what? no! i’m not a ghost!” he shifted on the bed, furthering away from you at the comment. “ghosts haunts people. angels protects people.” his hand gestures explaining his current identity was hilarious.

the phone was on low power mode so when it dimmed, you tapped on the screen, the picture you took show no one but the floor and the bed’s corner. and you haven’t laughed in a while, this jaehyun was entertaining when he defended. “pretty sure that’s not how i encountered you earlier. you scared me.” you raised a teasing brow.

“it really wasn’t my intention.”

the sigh he let out made you laugh more, his surrendering whine would stay in your head forever. “were your wings removed, jaehyun?” you asked. “can other people see you? or am i the only one who can see you? oh wait. this is a million dollar question.” you brought your hands together and he definitely wasn’t amused. “are you even alive?”

he flicked your forehead and you swore there was a red mark on it. “yes. yes—well only children— yes. and.. no.“ he said softly, the latter expressed in sorrow and his shoulders slouched low. “i woke up at the rooftop of the hospital one day because of this soft blanket hugging my back, they were my wings. i knew i wasn’t alive anymore. so when i came to accept it days after, i wanted to try out flying around the city and jumped off the hospital grounds and i fell instead of flying.”

“pfft! what you get from trying out something you ain’t familiar with, fallen angel.” you covered your mouth in realisation but jaehyun wasn’t agreeing with your assumption. “literally you are?”

“i’m not that type of angel. maybe i have some unfinished business, i don’t know. but i’d like to think i’m an angel!”

you hummed, convinced enough at this event. “ah maybe because you left your keychain? that’s counted as unfinished.”

another strong flick numbed your forehead. “no? we can’t bring stuff to heaven.” he gurgled at your innocence. “you’re going to help me find the solution to gain my earthly memories and my unfinished business so i can go to the other side.” jaehyun held your hands, the grip strong yet soft all at the same time.

“why me?” you exchanged looks from him and the view outside. “i’m no expert in this field.”

jaehyun’s eyes twinkled; not in awe but in desperation. “you are the only person who can help me. i can’t rely on children because.. they’re children and they’re so young.”

well that’s common sense, y/n.

“i’ll help.” not knowing why you agreed, but your heart just ache for this beautiful man. he couldn’t remember how he passed, he seemed desperate too, and needed someone to talk to. maybe you could fill in that role before the time came for him.

“thank you!” he had his fists clenched, twirling around as he yelled out the window. “i haven’t gotten your name yet.” his hands fell faintly onto yours, almost a tingly feeling.

“y/n.” you took his hand for a shake, holding onto it dearly. “i’m y/n, nice to meet yo-”

suddenly, his lips kissed the area where he flicked you. “well my dear y/n..” he smiled. “..consider this contract signed. there are conditions, but we can discuss that later.”

life in the hospital starting today wouldn’t be too boring. he stood beside the bed with the most starstriking smile you’ve ever seen, celebrating his awaited desire. you befriended jaehyun and he wasn’t a patient or part of the medical staff. he looked at you with bliss; the sun illuminated from behind him and that really confirmed it..

no, he wasn’t a ghost. he was indeed a spirit.

or angel. he’ll probably prefer that way.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

your brother became more protective than he usually was. straight to the hospital for you was added to his tight schedule and even then he was able to find time to care for you despite that. if you were to talk about the best big brother in the world, he was definitely the first place even in another life.

“guess who’s here.” taeyong cooed and pulled the curtains as he entered your area in the i.c.u. he found it strange when you didn’t greet him with your handshake nor a smile.

he sighed quite heavily at the bowl prepared for you, it turned cold and he placed his bags on the chair beside you. “hey kiddo, you have to eat something, yea?” he brushed your strands away to see your welling eyes looking at the distance outside. the window was the only thing separating you and the world.

most of all, your social life.

taeyong looked back to the day at campus two years ago; he remembered how he rushed to the university clinic after his lecture, stumbling as his legs gave in seeing you with the same pained expression. he should be used to the sight, but each time you end up in a place he never wanted you to be in, it was like seeing it for the first time.

he also remembered how his eyes trailed to your arms that rubbed your mid back. the nurses calming you with words of encouragement that you’d be fine. you didn’t like how you caused him so much worry, maybe one more push he’d be exploding into flames because you weren’t getting any better.. or probably he’d lose some hair because of the stress.

“i.. don’t want to eat.” you weakly pushed the tray on the mini table above your thighs. “i’m sick of this place and i’m sick of being sick. i just wanna go home.”

he knew that certain voice you have which made his heart sunk, but he knew you too well that you missed his cooking. “i know, but it’s short-lived, your condition is curable and you staying here is temporary.”

uh-huh.. that word again.

“and i made you these.” the cushion of the bed lowered due to his weight, making you shift to him. “fried corndogs. added a little twist to it with johnny’s help with the sauce. eat it before nurse jisoo arrives.”

at the corners of your eyes, jaehyun’s lips puckered at the sight of food. this caused you to save a box for him. you gave him a wink and set that aside. you could feel his figure arching to sit next to you as he began eating his share.

“you’re more afraid of her than i am.” you teased taeyong, finally smiling. “get her number already or else i’ll tell her how you’ve been crushing on her since forever.”

“forever’s an exaggeration, sis.” taeyong picked the stick and handed it to you. “it’s only been three months.”

“and three months means your cowardice is really preventing you from doing that.” the crunch from the dish made him tickle you in all vulnerable places and you rolled your eyes remembering the warning of your body’s strength exertion.

jaehyun nodded in agreement, licking the mustard that stained his fingers. “yeah, that’s a coward right there. can i give him lessons?” he stated, and you nearly choked in giggles.

taeyong then checked his watch, pecking you a kiss which got you forming questions at the back of your head. “oh the time.”

you gently placed the devoured stick into the box and dove in other sticks for seconds— or thirds. “you’re leaving? you just got here.”

he gave a wink and tugged the curtains. “not yet. i’m doing what you suggested me to do.” he gestured his palms, indicating that he would attempt to actually get her number. “she’s gonna be off duty in five. later honey.”

focused on the meal, you waved at him as you continued eating. jaehyun scooted closer to you. both enjoyed the meal and he hummed a song; something he would do when his palate craved food from the world. “i still find it unbelievable that taeyong couldn’t see me.” he giggled while the crisp sound of the batter synchronised with yours.

“you mean how you’re finally able to eat actual food each time he comes here.” your voice almost bursting into laughs of mockery, but held them in since jaehyun has been helping you as well. he nudged you gently and ever so sweetly, a toast cheer from your meals.

“yeah, but it’s because we have connection y/n, i’m able to eat solid food. so thank you.”

being locked in an all white room prevented you from going outside, that was fine since jaehyun was there with you, you wouldn’t be that bored. the pact you created with him was so simple that you could memorise it in a second. his requests were you both would be together everyday, cater to each other’s needs, eat and watch some series he missed out or discontinued.

and in the three months being with him, days were getting better. he actually knocked down the walls of your thoughts of hopelessness, encouraged you during your sad hours and hyped you up when you have some rehabilitation sessions. medical staffs were shocked that for someone whose condition was clearly on the verge, the will to live was written all over you.

jaehyun appreciated the ideas you’ve given him; memories or events that he might’ve forgotten, or any category he used to love like sports / music. he mentioned he knew how his family looked like, but not their names nor his home address. so he couldn’t visit them. though there was little progress and countless of bickers regarding the matter, you both were getting somewhere on each ends. and in the midst of it, you had each other as support.

“does your family or ancestors have some kind of gift?” he sunk down with you at the inclined bed rest. “while taeyong might not have it, you do?”

“maybe, but i’m not sure. we don’t talk about these things.. of the unknown, ghosts and spirits and-” your jaw dropped when he bit the remaining half of the corn dog from the stick you held. “jaehyun!”

“how many times do i have to tell you i’m a guardian angel?” he immediately rebutted your clumsy referral while chewing deliciously. “specifically yours, so don’t deny my role for you.”

your heart skipped beats. the claim he just did was heartwarming, and it was the first he said anything nice since your introductions months prior. “w-who said you’re my a-angel?” you batted your lashes.

jaehyun pointed at himself and disappeared to somewhere you do not know where he’d go considering he wasn’t familiar within the city. at night it was always like this, at 8pm sharp, he’d leave without saying goodbye, leaving you alone. then he would return the next day, greeting you with the same smile. maybe being an angel had its curfew too?

but as the sun rose the following morning and the colours merged into the prettiest pair the city ever witnessed, jaehyun anticipated the minute he sees your eyes slowly opening then adjusting to the light of the day. your calm beauty had him awestruck. he never felt this way before, more so, it was the first since he became a spirit.

come on come on come on, he stared at the hand of the clock, just one more second—

“hey.” he froze once he heard you and hesitated to turn around. “this is a new look on you.”

jaehyun shyly did so anyway, ears red that his planned surprise for you ended up failing. “do you like it?”

the long hums of your morning voice was more nerve-wrecking than waiting for the time to reach its end. “like? i love it! you look fresh!” you complemented him in all honesty.

until today, he wore the same denim pj’s and lets not question whether he does change. what struck you was that he wore a simple white tshirt with denim jeans, pairing them with a brown suede ankle boots. that wasn’t the key point of his fashion today.

rather, he topped his attire with costumed angel set; a halo and wings. when a proud smirk appeared, it got to you that he was really handsome. “sweet. oh i got you breakfast.” he tossed two sandwiches, carefully wrapped yet your nose could smell its delish filling.

“thanks.” you accepted them. “i didn’t know angels have their allowances.”

“we don’t. i used your cash.” jaehyun said, playing with the change coins. he flinched for cover, your hands in attempt to hit him.

you pinched his cheeks with the support of his hollowed dimples. “i told you to tell me if you’re going shopping with my money! is the costume included too?”

“i was supposed to but it seemed like you were having a nice dream!” he poked your forehead and there was no chance to fight back because for one, it was part of the contract. “and i’m sure it’s a nice one..” he trailed off, pointing at the small drools on your pillow.

his dimples started to show and you couldn’t resist its existence. “be thankful you’re really cute. anyway, did you ask children to do it for you again?”

jaehyun scratched the nape of his neck. “yes, and i treated them in return. who are you texting?” he hovered over you.

your lips straightened to a flat line. “i’m talking with jinho. he said he’s coming but you know men, they sometimes break promises. he’s probably not going to come again today.”

jaehyun didn’t know why his heart squeezed, if it was for how you were treated unfairly or if it was just him. he wasn’t in the position to feel this way towards you. yet because it was you— someone he spent three months with— he thought maybe it was normal to have such feelings. he visits you every single day, cared for you, be with you when your boyfriend not once ever did.

the thing was, did he have the right to keep these unexplainable bubbles of emotions in his gut? it wasn’t like you belonged with him anyway. just why did jaehyun hate it when your lips utter jinho’s name when he never acted like your beloved?

“why are you still with him when he doesn’t show affection for you?” jaehyun pat your head in comfort.

“maybe because i love him.” you typed on the screen to message him, yet stopped a while when he said those words. he was right, if jinho truly loved you, he’d be here already. so you stayed silent instead and divert the conversation. “oh this can help your memory! about love! did you perhaps have a girl-”

*zing!* sharp stings pierced and came to jaehyun’s temples like arrows.

he held the pain in as he didn’t want to worry you. “i’m gonna head out for a bit, y’know fresh air.” he swallowed his own saliva, hoping you didn’t hear it. he didn’t mean to be rude and disappear at you like that. his chest squeezed again at the thought of you with someone else.

he didn’t know what love felt like until now.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

it was unexpected.

jaehyun never imagined he would fall for you so soon, or ever thought of you nothing more than a friend who’d help him go to the other side. if he had to describe the relationship you both have, that’d merely be a boss-client kind of thing. yet he still knew that there was a connection despite him not being human anymore. there were frequent playful nudges and he waited half a year to be able to communicate with people. you were special.

special in a way that you treated him like he was alive again. you didn’t care about whether people would give you stares as your silhouette seemed like you were talking to yourself or someone they couldn’t see in the naked eye, or how nurse jisoo and taeyong would ask why you didn’t eat all of your meal only to save the other half for him. he was spoiled by you, where it was supposed to be the way around. sometimes he wondered if he was the right angel to look after you. in the end, it was him who initiated the contract and you complied without hesitations.

as if he were to watch a movie— except he wasn’t— pictures flashed before his vision, from a blurred quality to a clearer one. it was short, yet it was not enough to tell him what they were. maybe it was a memory, but he couldn’t put the scenes together.

he rubbed his eyes and felt the light gust of wind from children running through him with a ball in their hands.

then another fragment came to his sight, the sting of his temples ache like ones in the room. bright lights from the memory have blinded his eyes before it was replaced by the sun’s rays.

what the heck? he thought.

—

jaehyun kicked the stones that were separated from the cracked concrete ground. the way the stones rolled was identical to his churning stomach. he wondered how you were doing and later smiled to himself when he saw you waving at him from your window.

his palms were brought out to wave back except your lips didn’t utter his name. it was jinho, who happened to behind him; holding flowers.

of course.

he forgot about it for while; you have a boyfriend.

by this time he started to question if angels or spirits actually do have feelings; romantically. televisions never specified this fact. taeyong appeared in his field of view, who successfully asked jisoo out on a date. since when did hospitals served as a love spot? clearly his mood changed, but seeing you noticing him and waved at him, he decided to apologise for cutting you off earlier.

and he wished he shouldn’t have entered the i.c.u, from the door entrance the curtains were slid to the bedside. you were embraced in his arms, held onto dearly. he saw the tears rolling down your cheeks. a bouquet of flowers wrapped around your fingers. not wanting to intrude or ruin the moment, he turned around to give you space. it was your personal life after all.

he thought that maybe if he were alive, would things turn out differently if he met you? he would probably treated you better if ever.

jaehyun leaned against the door frame of the i.c.u. the human him would tell him he was definitely heartbroken witnessing that. he was supposed to be happy for you; you were improving mentally, recovering physically even if it was slow. your boyfriend finally visited you.

speaking of the said person, he felt jinho’s figure leaving the room, brushing past and through him. so he looked back at you, who was staring at him with a weak smile.

were you okay?

then tears brimmed at the edge of your eyes.

yeah, you definitely weren’t okay.

“y/n?” jaehyun called out and approached your bed, being the curtains to a close and sitting beside you afterwards. “what’s wrong? why did jinho leave so soon?” he pointed.

your face went pale and though ordinary people would know it was due to the illness, jaehyun knew it was about something else. he held your hands, pulling you gently for a hug. it was still funny if you think about it; how you could hug an angel physically. “we called quits. it was mutual though, don’t be too shocked.” you fixed your chin onto his shoulder and felt him tense at the revelation.

“why? you wanted him to come over and he did. you should be happy.” jaehyun stared into your swollen eyes, cupping your jaw to wipe the fallen tears away. “he gave you flowers, hugged you.. what’s lacking?”

“that wasn’t a normal hug.. it was a parting one. jinho told me he couldn’t take it.” you began, leaning more into his touch. “he doesn’t like that he’s incapable of helping me get through all this. seeing me suffering was too much for his heart.”

jaehyun’s fists balled and you could see them shaking. his eyes turned darker the more you explained. “so he was thinking of himself more than he thought of you?” his tone raised and you flinch at the volume. “where’s the mutual in that, y/n? you agreed to his selfishness even if you’re hurting so much?”

“it is mutual jae.” you sniffed, sitting up properly to expound further. “for the past three months i’ve been wanting him to come here because i wanted to break up with him. i wanted to tell him that he should get used to..” your voice trembling and jaehyun held you close. “..that he should get used to not having me around anymore. i fell out of love. so if there’s anyone who’s selfish, it’s me.”

“what.. are you saying?..” he asked softly. “it sounds like you’re giving up.” referring to your existence around the people you love. “are you giving everything up? all we did to improve your condition?”

a sob escaped your lips and you covered your face because you couldn’t look at him in the eye as you answer. you didn’t like to appear weak to him than you already were. “jaehyun, when you disappeared, the doctors came and said there was no kidney donor. it’s finalised. they’ve contacted local and overseas hospitals and none were of my match. i’m getting sicker each day and i really appreciate the motivation you’ve given me and there’s nothing left in my soul to fight any longer.”

“no no no no. please me tell me you’re not serious, y/n.” he begged. “tell me that you’re going to rethink about it and have the will to live. tell me that what we both signed up for will not go in vain. we worked hard together. we helped each other, we went through thick and thin. tell me that your decision is not permanent.”

“and what? you’re going to tell me my condition’s temporary too? if yes then you’re just like taeyong and nurse kim jisoo.” you laid back down and stared at the window.

jaehyun was about to speak when you started to sniff again. “everything that’s happening to me is always temporary.. nothing ever stays.. no one ever stays.. taeyong’s visits are limited, my personal nurse is always busy.. and what hurts me the most is that our time together is temporary too. soon enough you’ll go to the other side.. you’re only the friend i have now.”

“hey..” he cooed and now laying down beside you, wrapping you in his arms as you sunk more onto his chest. “..don’t say that. i-i’m still here.” even if he said that, jaehyun knew that that was false; that day would actually come, he just didn’t know when.

you turned to face him and hugged him tightly, sleep starting to get to your system. “when i met you, you became more of a boyfriend than jinho ever did.”

he caressed your back and you could feel the vibrations from his soft laughs. “look, i’m sure jinho did his best to be your boyfriend. and if i was your boyfriend.. well you’re talking about a guy who hasn’t gotten a single clue of who he is nor have his memories returned. my unfinished business is still a blank page. it may look temporary now but i guarantee you, i know you’ll have that new transplant, it’ll be-”

“that will never come.. i’m dying, jaehyun.”

jaehyun hummed in disagreement. he was fuming but he tried his best not to show it, that will contradict with his role of being your guardian angel. “tsk, say anything further i’m really gonna flick your forehead.”

you chuckled since it reminded you about the first day. “i mean, if i don’t make it, that would mean i get to be with you. it’s not temporary anymore, right?”

he bursted in scoffs of disbelief and you could tell he was playing around at the same time. “what? do you wanna be with me so much?” he questioned, flicking your forehead. “i wouldn’t mind having a side kick though.”

“i’m kidding, but truth to be told, you’re the best angel anyone could ask for.” you fixed the crooked halo headband for him. “no wonder children loves angels.”

“you’re acknowledging i’m an angel now, huh?” he messed your hair. “if children loves angels, what about you?”

*zing!* jaehyun shut his eyes closed. an unclear image of him locking his phone; its wallpaper of him and his parents.

tsk why am i feeling this again—

“i’ll say yes if that’s what you want to hear.” you challenged. jaehyun squinted his eyes open, to you it was pretty obvious it was what he wanted to hear.

jaehyun pinched your cheeks to awake you from reality, once again setting the memory aside. “we can’t date. i don’t want to be a rebound.” he stuck out his tongue, making you mirror the same. “you’re human, i’m an angel.”

“technically a ghost but i’ll take it as a self-proclaimed angel.” you shrugged, a curve appearing at the corners of your lips. “anyway, should we continue watching-”

the curtains separated which made you and jaehyun jolt in shock. “y/n!”

taeyong’s voice echoed the room, glad that most patients were asleep and he threw himself onto the bed. jaehyun got up, letting your brother hug you. “they were wrong!” he cried in tears of joy.

“they messed up your records. your condition was identical with another patient’s!”

you saw jaehyun giving him a look you think would pass as a meme. “what is he saying?” he asked.

“what are you saying?” you blinked several times at his shaking hands and hoarse hiccups.

“you have a donor!” he exclaimed.

jaehyun’s smile grew and as he walked towards you, he held your hands to squeeze them in congratulatory. “well, what did i say y/n? told you it’ll come.”

the pain on his temples faded it always did, but it was something he experienced quite often in the past days. he couldn’t figure what it was.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

almost everyone in the room observed how anxious you were, the fiddles of your fingers and the constant biting of your lips that they could bleed any moment now. you were moved to a new room and jaehyun poked your cheek to gain your attention and to snap out of your daydream. a satisfied grin plastered on his face when your eyes locked into his.

you thought maybe the heavens probably heard his words. last week, he did say the transplant would come, and it did. soon later, you would be having an operation; a new kidney to function. you waited for this for so long that just thinking about it, you’d probably cry again.

seeing jaehyun stare into the panorama of the city before him had your chest tightening. it wasn’t good nor bad..maybe you were just nervous that the reality of all this was actually happening. he was glowing compared to most days; and it’s not due to the sun adding extra illumination to his figure. it was like the first day, his greeting was awkward but it became something you’d never forget.

the medical staff left after briefing you, injecting anaesthesia so you could meet your slumber. taeyong messaged he would try to arrive as soon as he could, and you were assured by the time the operation’s done. now the room was silent, all you could hear was jaehyun’s shoes clicking on the marbled floor. his hands grabbing yours to comfort you.

“scared?” he asked with faint dimples trying to boast. you nodded. “you shouldn’t be. you’ve waited for this for so long. everything’s gonna turn out fine for you. and i’m here, guarding you as usual.”

you wrapped your arms around his neck, and he responded by holding your waist, sinking in deeper into the embrace. “i’m not scared now. i don’t know how different it’d be if i hadn’t met you- well, you introduced yourself first before i did, so..”

your eyelids suddenly began to drop, the drug soon kicking in. “y/n, when you come out of that room, only half of the contract’s completed. there’s still mine to go.” he said, laying you gently on the bed.

“i know. it’s just everything seems to happen so fast.” you admitted sadness, because that always was in your head since the news broke to you.

“do you have any questions before you sleep?” jaehyun propped his elbow onto the side table, fascinated how you were still trying to keep yourself awake just to converse with him. “about me. because who knows if you would remember me once you’re conscious again.”

“why would i forget my angel?” you giggled, eyes closing. “hm.. i was going to ask you this but you ditched me haha.”

“oops. sorry about that.” embarrassed, jaehyun rubbed his chin just recalling that day.

“i wanna know if you knew how love felt like. do you remember?”

*zing!* red lights circled around in a container orbit, its center rotating as if it was signalling.

jaehyun was stunned and out of words for a while. the same feeling came flushing to him as you both talked about love before. of course he knew what love was. you made him remember. love was like sailing on a boat at the open ocean before stumbling upon something so beautiful that you couldn’t take your eyes off of. “yeah i do. why?”

although you felt that you’re close to drifting to dreamland, an urge in you wanted to tell him why. “because you asked me if i ‘love’ you.”

*zing!* the clock striked 8. it doubled and tripled in vision, moving in a static way.

jaehyun felt dizzy and nauseous. please just stop..

holding the stinging pain in and ignoring it, he leaned closer. “do you now?” he asked, a sly smile creeping his mouth. “if you’re to ask me, i do love *zing* you.” he heard you manage to let out a giggle. “i love to enlighten you when you’re down. i love talking with you and stealing your food. basically just everything about you.”

“hm, same. like platonic love.” your hands find your hold his.

“mhm. platonic.. lo-” he paused due to the continuous throbbing, and gave you a little squeeze despite the hurt he had been feeling recently. hesaw how you didn’t reply, your breaths heaving softly and calmly. his smile broke out as this always happened whenever you held onto him.

what he couldn’t say out loud was that what he felt for you the entire time wasn’t a platonic love.

he really loves you like you’re his.

—

heavy pain awoke you from unconsciousness. you tried to open your eyes without letting the light blinding them. the first person you saw was taeyong and jisoo, their bodies almost covering your pan of view. your eyes craved to see jaehyun, your chest drummed fast when you couldn’t.

taeyong looked worried, brushing the strands from your face. “are you okay? do you feel any pain?” his palms caressed your face.

you didn’t answer, yet the tears wanting to fall have met its end. jisoo quickly left to find the surgeon and taeyong followed to fill in paperwork. where was jaehyun? why wasn’t he here with you? he always appear before you as soon as your eyes flutter open. you were so used to seeing his face and that you were assured he’d be there.

more than two hours have passed and jaehyun still hasn’t shown himself. so far into the day, you’ve eaten porridge, changed a new set of clothes, had a few conversations with taeyong and jisoo, and watched the series alone. even then you waited for him to come. now you were left alone briefly again. you tried to sit up or incline the bed.

“if you needed help, call my name. did you forget me already?” jaehyun’s body assisted yours by acting as a support. “you shouldn’t move too much, y/n.”

jaehyun felt his torso like he was hugged by a koala. “i thought you’re gone. i didn’t see you when i woke up..” your voice soft and hoarse.

“i was here the whole time, behind jisoo and taeyong.” he said, puzzled by how late you noticed him.

“stay with me for a while.” you requested, and he followed. “i love how you’re always here.”

again, sharp stings hit his temples. fragments of past memories came flushing to him. they were still monotone, but this time they were clear enough to see what they were trying to portray. was it how he passed? there were people pumping his chest, people holding his hands dearly.

even without seeing his face, you could feel jaehyun was uncomfortable. he didn’t know why the pain was frequent. “is something bothering you, jaehyun?” you pulled away, and you were shocked to see him switching from solid to translucent; like he was flickering. “hey, why are you-” you reached out for him, but your hands failed to hold his. they passed through him like he was gas. you couldn’t feel him anymore.

“y/n..” jaehyun gave a painful look, something you’ve never seen before. “i think i’m fading.”

you arched your brows and lips parted at that certain sentence you thought you’d hear in the far future. “why? our contract is not done yet.” you replied, still attempting to at least touch him again. “we have yet to find your unfinished business.”

jaehyun knew what this meant. he knew what was happening. he felt stupid for not telling you sooner. “maybe it’s already revealed, i just haven’t acknowledged it.” he saw his limbs flickering then fading, taking turns of the two. he was worried, but he somehow felt safe.

it was hard to understand what he was trying to say. each word that came out of his lips were shooting your heart like daggers. you clenched your clothes by the buttons of your pajamas, tears forming then falling. “w-what do you mean? are you leave-” you quivered though you didn’t want to show it. “how long have you known?..” the reality of it now seeping into you.

“i’ve known and realised it for a week now.” he said, forcing his lips to smile, to appear unaffected. “whenever the word ‘love’-” he groaned at the pain again, bending down slowly. “..’love’ is mentioned, i feel this rush of mixed pain and happiness. i think it’s related to what i have left here on earth.”

“i knew you were acting strange, but i thought it was nothing because you’d looked fine.” you asked, trying to get off the bed to go to him. you wanted him to explain further because none of what he said was processing in your brain right now. “you seemed fine..”

“the reason why you could see me was because you’re the person who will make me remember what love is.” he held your face, and all you felt was a tingling feeling from his touch. “when i was alive.. i was a stubborn boy who only cared about himself. i never had a relationship, never appreciated the love my parents given me.”

“if you remember all this.. did your memory show you how you.. died?” you looked at him and he gave a smile, almost a parting one.

“yeah.. it was the first hint.. i was late for my basketball championship match. i was texting my parents to come to the game while crossing the street.” jaehyun chuckled, a bitter one and people could tell if they actually heard him. “i saw i was rushed to the ambulance, the sirens alerting everyone.. i was wheeled into the e.r.. i guess you know what happened next.”

then he broke down, arms bringing to his face. “..i couldn’t tell mom and dad i love them..” jaehyun weakly came forward, pulling you into his embrace. it was confusing that he could touch you, but you couldn’t. no matter how much you wanted to give him comfort like he use to do with you. he held onto you, as if he didn’t want to let you go.

“why didn’t you tell me what you’ve been feeling? why tell me now, jaehyun?” you tried to cup his face but to no avail they still went through it. you’re practically begging him to give you reasons why he had to hide it from you.

the shakiness his pupils did have shown he was scared. “i didn’t want you to feel sad about me. that’ll only destroy the joy from the news you received.”

your palms dropped to your thighs, breaths hitching and let out uncontrollable muted gasps. “i am sad now! i’m sad that you’re leaving me-”

his touch calmed you. “i never really got to say this because all we ever did was to support each other but.. i really, deeply, from the bottom of my heart.. thank you, y/n. you taught me how to love again, in the little things and..”

“jaehyun..” you sighed heavily and eventually cried with him, heart tugging your strings until they snapped.

“..and maybe that’s my unfinished business.” his smile was definitely forced.

and you did the same. “i’m glad i was able to help.. i’m glad you’re able to find what love is. but if you could love a person again, i’m sure they’re very lucky.”

hearing him let out hurtful laugh and sniffs became often as you told those words. “you are lucky you��re loved by an angel. i told you i love you, right?” his arms went through your body, then his entire body moved back like he was magnetised to something he waited for.

it was time.

you felt the same kiss on the forehead for the final time.

he saw how you wailed, craving for his embrace, like a child looking for a mother’s touch. what ached him was that you couldn’t see him anymore. the cries became louder, taeyong ran to you, thinking you were still hurt from the operation. he was an angel, he should be strong for you but all he felt was

hurt.

he shouldn’t have left your side at night. he should’ve stuck with you like glue. he wanted to spend longer time with you.

what hurt him the most was he should’ve known that three months was temporary.

your eyes caught sight of the man you stayed with you. because of him, you got to find out a lot about yourself when you were vulnerable, things that had to be dug deep in order to find that hidden gem. in the past minute you couldn’t see him. but now he was floating in the air, glowing more than usual. you smiled painfully because he still wore that stupid halo and wings, and the letters you’ve written that you hoped he wouldn’t see but he actually did.

taeyong and jisoo’s words of comfort did nothing on you, as you saw your angel jaehyun drifting further away from you. you reached out for him and he did so too and,

he smiled for the final time, tears visible and they rolled down his cheeks. “i love you, y/n. so so much.”

you cried harder and clenched onto taeyong, not caring whether it hurt him or not. your brother gave a confused look, shocked to see how much your frail body exert such sorrow.

“me too.” you wanted to tell him, yet it wasn’t close to a whisper.

you hate this.

you hate that the only person you’ve just grown to love departed from the tip of your wavering fingers.

you hate the word temporary.

#jung jaehyun #nct 127 #jaehyun oneshot #jaehyun imagines #jung yoonoh #nct #nct scenarios #jaehyun #jaehyun fluff #jaehyun scenarios #jeong jaehyun #jaehyun au #nct jaehyun #jaehyun angst #nct imagines

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padawan-jiejie · 5 years

Text

Almost *TRoS SPOILERS*

Summary: Let’s just pretend that Reylo isn’t happening (sorry Rey, I ship you two but hey, for the sake of my emotions, leave for a sec, pls, thanx) and here you are getting lectures from Kylo only to fall in love with him and the ending takes place after The Rise of Skywalker where the bad shit magically handled itself and our fav depressed boy is coming back home...

Word Count: 2804

Pairing: Kylo Ren/Ben Solo x force-sensitive!reader

Warnings: !MyEnglish!, some angst towards the end, one swear word, me describing the Force + TRoS SPOILERS

A/N: I need a way to cope with my feels right now because I... No... Just... No... I can’t... I don’t manage... Not yet... Not now... Not ever... 💔💔💔 Also, I wrote this instead of sleep so... Might contain a lot of mistakes and inconsistencies... And it’s longer than planned so... Enjoy

You didn’t know what it was or how it was possible but ever since you could remember, it was there. This... feeling. No, not a feeling. Instinct? Sixth sense? Possibly. But not quite. Once you turned 19 it all started to make sense to you. You told your dad to leave you alone after an argument and he did so without any questions. The other day you wanted your friend to tell you what was happening that she’s so upset about and she explained everything even though normally it took a lot of effort to make her speak. Very unusual. You needed to reach for a book high on the shelf and it moved just for you to grab it. Once you were walking down the street and you saw kids playing. One of them sat down after a while to catch his breath and some other older boy was about to throw a ball at him with more strength then the sitting child could have handled. You immediately acted and pulled up your arm. You somehow managed for the ball to fly right above the boy’s head. It didn’t touch him although it was more than obvious it was supposed to end up in his face. These incidents began to be more and more frequent and your suspicion proved to be correct. You were indeed force-sensitive. You didn’t tell anyone though. You were a bit afraid of what the people in your environment would think and considering you didn’t really want to be part of the Jedi, you kept it secret. At least you tried your best. Until he came into your life.

You didn’t care how old you were, you stilled loved climbing trees and since you found a way of using some certain extent of the Force, you could climb higher and easier than ever. You enjoyed it. That day was no different. You came about your daily routine, helped your mom cook the dinner, studied for a bit and at the sunset, you went into your family backyard. As you were walking further from the house, taking in the scent of your favourite flowers, you sensed something. You could not quite put a finger on it and could not decide if it was good or bad. It intrigued you so you followed the feeling. That was when you saw him. A dark figure was standing in the shadows and you knew. It was him, this new mesmerizing notion you were experiencing.

You stopped in your trucks, looking him up and down. He was wearing a mask that would scare you if you wouldn’t feel him. He seemed dangerous if provoked but apart from that, there was something gentle about him.

You swallowed, took a deep breath and spoke up: “May I help you?”

There was nothing for a minute. No motion. No words. Then he stepped closer to you, revealing his whole posture.

“What is your name and how long have you been using the Force?” he asked with an unnaturally deep voice. This must have been Kylo Ren. Suddenly a wave of fear washed over you, but you tried to shake it away.

“Oh my... I... I’ve known about it for a while now and my name is Y/N.”

For a spare second, you were thinking, he was going to kill you, but then again, you didn’t sense anything. His demeanour and reputation sure were terrifying but he wasn’t intending on hurting you. If he did, he would have surprised you and wouldn’t wait for you to notice him. You knew that so you tried to stay calm, waiting for him to make a move. And he did.

He removed his mask.

You just started in shock.

“I could show you the ways of the Force, Y/N.”

“What if I don’t want to?”

“Are you certain it’s not just what you want to believe in?”

“I am not. But I don’t need to be. You are a Sith. Why would I want to be a part of the Dark side?”

“I didn’t say I’d help you to become one of the Sith.”

You blinked. “What are you suggesting then?”

“You are very powerful. I can feel it. The fact that you’re using the Force powers without any sort of training is only a proof of that.” He was circling around you. “I don’t want you to be with the Sith. I don’t want to mentor you about what side of the Force to belong to. I just want to help you embrace it. The Force I mean, without prejudice.”

“I must admit, it sounds... interesting. But why? Why would you want to train me when I’m sure you have other more important things to do? Why me?”

Kylo stood right in front of you, looking straight into your eyes. Your gaze didn’t shift from his. That impressed him. “I do. But it doesn’t happen every day to find a case such as yours and I would like to make the most of it, not waste it.”

You nodded considering your options. There he was, the infamous Kylo Ren, offering you his guidance. He was genuine about it and although you hated to admit it, he was pretty handsome. Those were all pros of signing up for the deal but there were lots of cons.

“What would I need to do? I mean, what about my family? They don’t know I am force-sensitive and I don’t want them to know.” Especially not now when one of the most threatening people in the galaxy is involved. “And I am not faking my death nor am I leaving anywhere.”

“You don’t need to. It’ll be complicated but I can still teach you like this. I can come once in a while and let you practise on your own. I believe you’ll be a natural. As long as you stick to some rules.”

“When do we start?” came out of your mouth before you could stop yourself.

Kylo would come to you, stay for some time to show you Force tricks, see what progress you’ve achieved, talk to you about it, test you in some things and leave. At first, his visits were completely formal. He would rarely let you see his face, would never speak to you about himself and always kept you at distance. Both physically and mentally. But soon he would start to stay longer, talk more and reveal his face. It didn’t take long for him to be friendly with you to a point where you two would just lie down and watch stars together. You shared many theoretical and philosophical conversations and really got to know each other. Suddenly he wasn’t terrifying at all. It was no surprise when you began to develop feelings for him. At first, it started out as a crush you thought would fade. You thought it was a bit childish to feel this way about him so you pushed it aside as much as you could. But it all only escalated. The more time you spend with him, the more you wanted to see him, the more you wished for him to be there with you, the more you smiled around him and the more your feelings grew. You were not aware of it but Kylo felt similar. He found you extremely beautiful and attractive. You never failed to light up his day. You were a promising student and you didn’t let others define you. He admired that since he struggled with this and you always showed to him that all he needs to be is himself. That he is enough. You were smart, kind, compassionate and brave. You were a good person and a true friend. If only you knew, you meant so much more to him! He tried to suppress what he was feeling, but he couldn't. Therefore after one of your sessions, as you were stargazing he turned to face you.

“Y/N?”

“Yes, Kylo.”

“I need you to know something.”

That caught your attention. He seemed so vulnerable at that moment. “I’m listening. What is it?”

“Two things actually.”

You frowned but let him speak.

“My real name is not Kylo, but I guess you've figured that out.”

“I thought there was something just not quite right about it.”

“My real name is Ben. Ben Solo.”

“Ben? Hmm... Should I start calling you that?”

“If you want to.”

“I think I do. I kind of like it.”

He gave you a warm smile that could melt your heart in a second.

“And um, what was the other thing?”

“Well... I... just wanted to let you know that I appreciate you as a person and I need to tell you that... You mean so much to me, I don’t think you can imagine just how much.”

You were biting on your lower lip. Your heart was beating fast as you patiently waited for him to continue. Could he feel the same way about you as you did for him?

“I did not want to for us to become close but we did and I am glad. I also never thought that I would... that I would feel about someone the way that I feel about you. And... I don’t want to change it. Actually, I really really like you and not just as a friend.”

You blushed and didn’t know how to react so you just laughed nervously. “That’s funny. I... I mean that... You know... Haha... I’ve been falling for you for some time now so I think this is good news.”

Before you had any time to note what was happening his lips were on yours, your hands in his hair and you were passionately kissing under the stars that witnessed the beginning of your romance.

It’s been a couple of years since you first met Ben. You started out as strangers and ended up being lovers. Lately, you were, unfortunately, going through a little bit of a relationship crisis. Snoke was out of the picture but there was still the “Rey thing” waiting for it to be done and Ben would never take you with him anywhere and that was frustrating. You were realising what was at risk, you knew why he was doing what he was doing but you couldn’t help but want to be there with him. It was difficult and he wouldn’t listen to you.

So here you were. Sitting under an old tree, horrified, because you could feel it. There was a disturbance in the Force. It was strong and you didn’t like it. Something was terribly wrong and it was irritating you. It was so bad that you even yelled at your parents for no apparent reason this morning because you couldn’t just tell them: “Hey I am dating Kylo Ren and I am Force-sensitive all along and I feel as if I was about to lose the love of my life any moment so would you please stop asking what has gone into me” when all of this was kept a secret from them. You knew you’ll have to tell them one day but not now. Not when you couldn’t even focus on simple tasks, because all you wanted and all you needed was for Ben to come back to you. You needed to know was that he was safe and sound. This uncertainty was killing you.

Then you felt it. One second there was this tension and the other... It was all gone. Totally. Nothing. Blank.

You put your face in your hands and started crying. What was this all about? Did something happen to him? It must have...

The next couple of days you weren’t able to think straight. All you could think about was your Ben Solo. Where was he? What was the Force trying to tell you? How come this was even allowed?! It’s not like you didn’t have a life outside of your relationship with him - it was nearly impossible given that you two were a secret - but it wasn’t the same when you didn’t know what happened.

Your best friend took you out for shopping wishing that it would make you feel better but she had no idea what was actually keeping you from being your normal self.

“Okay so is this about a boy?”

“What makes you think so?”

“You weren’t with anyone as far as I know so I’m guessing that someone you were in love with didn’t want you back and now they’re with someone and you don’t want to accept that.”

“Ph... If only!”

“What is it then?” she put one arm around you.

“I can’t tell you.”

“Why not? I am your best friend. You can trust me. You know that.”

“I do but this is something I have to process on my own.”

“Well, if you ever need me, I am here.”

“Thank you.”

She wasn’t far from the truth and although not there yet, it still was nice to be at least a little validated. You still had someone really close. You desperately wanted to tell her everything and cry on her shoulder but you knew it was better this way. For now. You had to stay put until you’ll figure out what happened to your loved one. Little did you know all would be revealed soon.

For whatever reason, you’ve woken up that day and had the urge to visit the lonely and familiar places of the gardens in your backyard. You missed Solo dearly and thought that this could get you closer to him as you still had no answers.

Slowly, like a body without a soul, you walked to your and Ben’s favourite spot. The small field where you used to watch stars. You found it there when he was Kylo, not Ben yet. It made memories rise up to the surface.

Your body collapsed to the ground. You sighed, ready to start crying any minute when it hit you. This strong feeling. It was like a message. As if the Force was calling to you. You couldn’t believe it. There was nothing for weeks and now... It was stronger than before. You sensed him. It felt like Ben right here, right now.

You looked up and it was like a fairy tale. He was there. Ben Solo was there, walking towards you. Tears of happiness rolled down your face as you got up and ran to him. He started to run in your direction too, glad to see you after all. You collided, hugging each other in a tight embrace. Ben spun you around, put you down and kissed you deeply. You were kissing him back like you never did before and like there was no tomorrow. It was such a relief seeing him, touching him and knowing he’s okay.

“I love you so much, Y/N. I am so sorry for everything. But I am here now. Don’t cry, please, my love, it’s alright now.”

“I thought I lost you...” you said silently, unable to cope.

“You almost did but it doesn’t matter. I am alive.”

“Almost? W-wh-what happened?”

“I was technically dead but I’m not anymore and I will stay with you now. Forever. I’m not going away. I’ll give you all of the time you deserve and I couldn’t give you before.“ he whipped away your tears and lower his forehead to yours. He meant it. He just wanted nothing more but to be with you.

“You were technically dead? What? Ben, you bastard! What were you thinking?! I... I love you, please, don’t do this to me! Ever!”

“Please, forgive me.”

“I already did, but don’t you dare to scare me like this again!”

“I’ll do my best, sweetheart.”

“Yes, you will, you little stupid, urgh!” you slightly punched his arm. He pulled you closer to him, not bothered by your actions, and you cried into his chest. You were incredibly happy you could embrace him again and let him comfort you.

You almost lost him. Almost. But not quite. He came back. He came back to you. He was here. He was here with you and for you. And he would stay this time. He was never going to leave. He was ready to love and cherish you until his last breath. After everything that he’s been through, he finally realised that the most important thing in his life was you and your love. He didn’t need anything else and he wasn’t going to risk it no more. He was yours and you were his and that is all the matters.

Almost... There’s going to be probably a lot of explaining to your family members about how this whole love came to be but those are only details! Let’s not ruin the bigger picture, shall we?

We shall.

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threeletterslife · 3 years

Note

Hey, I’ve been a silent fan (I’m sorry 🙈) for quite some time but I decided to message you today because I JUST FINISHED Tommorows another problem and I can’t fathom how someone could think of such a plot. I was absolutely mesmerized and fascinated. I have to say that you BLEW MY MIND. But I did have a few questions on it if you don’t mind answering them.

Firstly, why did Yn’s mom do that to her daughter? What was her motive in hiring all these people to just script things down and act it out? I can’t wrap my head around the storyline and the mother and all these people that YN trusted that just scripted out her life. It was really good 🥺🥰

Secondly, will YN ever tell Namjoon that she found out about the notebook? I mean if they talk it out won’t it be better? Maybe Namjoon loved her and cared for her all this time…

Thirdly, if this ever happened to you (God forbid) how would you feel? What would you do? And if you found love again and they also had a notebook then would you leave them or stay?

I’m so sorry if I’m confusing, I’m just so stupefied by your story and I literally cannot THINK PROPERLY because it was awesome, and great and fantastic and fabulous and magnificent and all the good adjectives in the dictionary. Thank you so much, for everything, really🥰

omg pls don't apologize for being a silent fan! we all have different ways to enjoy and process our favorite works, and if i do say so myself, i'm a pretty silent reader as well LOL

i also can't take all the credit in coming up with tap since it was inspired by the truman show (1998)! i rewatched that movie recently on a flight home from vacation and damn, it was much more well-directed than i remember LOL (especially for an older film)

and yes, i'd be very glad to answer your questions :)

1. it's implied very loosely that yn's mother was the main orchestrator of the journals, BUT this was also yn's theory (it doesn't have to be 100% true). if you watch the truman show, you see that a whole ass studio picked truman (an orphan) to star in their 24/7 live show. from there, they had camera directors, scriptwriters, actors who would play the important people in truman's life—although they're not marginally related to him at all. the only thing that differed from the truman show and tap was that in tap, the actors were given more precise scripts in the form of a black leather notebook. basically, yn thinks her mother orchestrated this whole thing because her script is the first one she read. however, there might be a high power above her so-called 'mother.' a director, perhaps, or an actual scriptwriter. and though none of this is written in tap, this is what i was thinking of when i wrote the fic! however, that doesn't mean it's the correct way to interpret it since i never explicitly state it. tap is supposed to be a ~mystery~ so i put most—if not all—things up for interpretation!

2. here's the thing. i wanna say that yes, she does eventually tell him about the notebook. but the answer will unfortunately be no. i don't think yn will take any more chances. her separation from jimin was hard. (i like to think that jimin genuinely cared for her.) but i'm not 100% sure that namjoon is as genuine, and yn is rightfully worried about that. the sad thing about tap is that yn has accepted it. she likes her controlled life. she likes namjoon. and she doesn't care that he might be following a script. because he fooled her into thinking he was genuine once and she believed it; she supposes that she can believe it a little longer (maybe forever). it's not easy to pick yourself up, leave your 'mother' and 'best friend' and 'co-workers' and 'boyfriend' to live in a completely new environment. i think yn is tired. she doesn't find the point in searching for the truth, which is pretty understandable too

3. well this is a very fucking good question. man, if this ever happened to me i would honestly be pretty pissed LOL. (and also be slightly amused that i wrote a whole ass FIC about my own situation??? fortune teller much?) i can be proactive if i want, but in this case, i feel like i won't do anything—or anything super reckless LOL. instead, i'd pretend that i didn't see the notebook at all. then i'd read it behind their backs and try to do the opposite of what they think i'm going to do. but i'm pretty sure that's gonna get tiring after a while. in a few years, i'll probably force myself to forget about the notebook and just live how i did before i found out. and let's say i had a partner and i dumped them bc of the notebook. if i found love again (and also found their notebook), i'd leave lmao. i have a no-nonsense rule in my dating/friend life and have no problem cutting off people i don't trust oop. if i broke up with my last s.o. because of the notebook and found out that my recent s.o. also has said notebook, it'd seem pretty stupid to me to continue the relationship for whatever reason 😭 also imagine not being able to hide a teeny notebook from me 🤨🤨 this is not a main character answer whatsoever LOL. but thank you so much for asking this question because it really made me think!

and thank you for leaving such great inquiries and kind feedback!! i'm honestly amazed at how much you enjoyed tap <3

#ask #anon #tomorrow's another problem #tap #even in the truman show some actors genuinely became attached to truman #it definitely happened in tap as well

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visceralcoma · 4 years

Text

On this Indigenous Day (“Columbus Day” for the colonizer sympathizers), I want to talk about the game Greedfall.

A game which has been unfairly demonized and wrongly labeled as a game about colonization.

Now before I get too much into it I want to say... I am saying this as someone who comes from people who were robbed, raped, enslaved, and brainwashed & propaganda’d into believing we were extinct. I didn’t have the privilege and luxury of being raised with my people’s culture but once I learned about it, I made a concentrated effort to learn as much about that side of my ancestry - and I’m still learning. Because even though part of my ancestry is also of the bastards who colonized my people - I think it would be better to concentrate on the culture that was nearly wiped out - to uplift it - remember it and recover what remains and keep it going by learning than to give any voice to the colonizer side of my ancestry. They have their own people to celebrate their culture.

So again, I’m coming out to talk about Greedfall. A game that has been largely mislabeled by many. Especially from other indigenous fans of games. Most notably those in the Dragon Age fandom.

I will also preface this that if you are someone who is triggered by topics and images that remind you of your generational trauma - this is not a game for you. I would never recommend this game for you in particular.

But this is a game for people who are like me. People who were robbed of knowing their culture from birth; People affected by the continuing influence of British, American, and Spanish imperialism and their colonization, People who are getting to know their culture in adulthood - rediscovering it - connecting and even visiting the (in my case) island where your people came from and being amongst others who are keeping what remains alive.

Because that’s what Greedfall was for me.

It was a story of De Sardet who (spoilers) eventually learns their mother was kidnapped by the Congregation and was born away from the Island of Tir Fradee, raised by the Congregation’s Princess and never once told about their ancestry, their people, and their culture. And they only learn once arriving at the island and discovering the truth. And while there, you have opportunities to learn about the culture - your culture - to reconnect with what remains of your blood family, and eventually help shape the future of the island.

Now the game is not without it’s faults. Which I have brought up before. The game has a seriously unbalanced situation when it comes to how the Christian coded baddies are treated better over the Arabic/Muslim coded baddies. The game has a bad problem with white-saviourism (which is framed as the bad ending at least). The writing is lacking in depth everywhere and not just the stuff to do with the Natives. But for a Double A game - it’s not bad. Especially for the first game I ever really had a somewhat similar backstory of the main character that I could relate to.

Are there problematic topics covered in the game? 100% percent.

But the game is not about colonialism. You do not colonize the island - it is already pre-colonized and you as De Sardet are meant to broker peace to find some cure for a plague that is ripping the continent up. Now this does mean the main character starts out aligned with colonizers, but through the course of the game - the things you uncover...it shows the organization you start off with... is the baddies and you can turn on them. Give power back to the Natives and drive the Congregation and all the other groups (Theleme and the Bridge Alliance) off. Which I’ve never seen done before in a game (pls correct me if I’m wrong here). Even Dragon Age doesn’t let us give back land to the Dalish and drive out the humans (at least not yet...*eyes dragon age 4 suspiciously*).

So again... the game is not all bad. But if you’re triggered by things that remind you of your generational trauma, don’t play it. But also do not demonize those who enjoy the game. Why? Well.. I’m going to quote the biggest and loudest person (who never played the game btw) who came down hard on the game when it was released. “You can enjoy something and still be critical of the things you don’t like about it, and wish for better." - Dalishious 2017

#greedfall #greedfall critical #da fandom critical #yes the da fandom critical tag is relevant

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clownsgobeepbeep · 3 years

Note

Who the hell are he/she/are they?

A slight bit of angst...heartbreak for the salty sailor uwu

All around Ula were shadows deepening with every passing second, shades of purple slowly embracing the rest of her world as she knew it.

It was another one of those days in which work had her coming home late. Saturdays were always busy, even at night. Even at the late hour, Ula decided to stay out a bit longer. Her husbands would understand, they too had heard the news through her.

After a short drive along the water, Ula parked her car in front of the docks before stepping out and into the wooden bridge. Nobody was out, but they all knew there was a guest outside because of every sound her heels made. The sounds all ceased when she stood in front of a boat she frequented, her eyes examining it before she invited herself aboard.

“Davey?” she called out, her hand having knocked against the door she stood in front of now.

There was no response at first, nothing but muffled music sounding inside.

“Davey, it’s me, Ula.” she called out again, waiting for a response once again. She could have jokingly threatened to come in, but now wasn’t the time for that. “I understand if you want to be left alone, but I just need to make sure you are doing alright.”

She stared at the door for a while longer, refusing to leave until her instinct told her that was her best option. It wasn’t until Ula heard the locks from inside shift before the door handle turned, eventually revealing her brother standing in the doorway with hair messier than usual.

The siblings stared at each other momentarily, UIa offering a small smile.

“May I come in?”

Davey gave a sigh that was followed by a slow nod, and he moved out of the way to let his sister in.

Once inside, she heard the music he was playing. Sad music. Well that surely hit too close to home.

“Hello there, Peggy.” Ula crouched down to pet the axolotl that walked over to her with a wagging tail. “Good girl.”

Ula stood straight again, turning to Davey who sat at his bed. She then joined him, reaching over to hold his hand, giving it a comforting squeeze.

“How are you holding up?”

“I’m holding up.” Davey shrugged. “I feel like an idiot.”

“I can understand that.” Ula now moved her hand to Davey’s back, soothing him by rubbing her hand in a circular motion. “And I can understand how you feel right now. I know it sucks Davey, but it’s not the end of the world.”

“I know.” Davey released a deep breath as Peggy hopped onto her hind legs, her front one placed on Davey’s knee to comfort him as she also laid her head on his lap. “But...it still hurts a lot. I didn’t know what to tell her after she said no. Do we just...continue being friends? Do we stop talking?”

“Davey, sweetheart.” Ula stopped him. “Don’t be thinking all of those things, it’s too early to be jumping to conclusions. First off, what did she say to you?”

“I’m...I’m sorry Davey. I’m going to have to say no.”

“I...no?”

Davey couldn’t believe it. No...he actually could believe it. After all, it did take him this long to finally ask that silly little question that had now been replied to with a devastating answer.

“Davey, I’m sorry but...I’ve gone on a few dates with Trevor and...I have to admit that he’s a really nice guy, treats me very well and has actually been wooing me for a while.”

Davey’s eyes had widened as he looked at the girl in front of him, hands held in front of herself as they clutched onto themselves.

“I would feel terrible ending things so suddenly, especially if he found out that it was because I accepted your…” Ally bit her lip, not finding the right words as not even she knew what she was trying to say. “Davey...I admit that I’ve had feelings for you for a while. A long while. Seeing the way you acted with me, I would have never guessed that you reciprocated those feelings, so I felt hopeless and...it felt fruitless continuously pursuing you from afar.”

“Davey,” Ula offered a bit of a smile. “She did say that she’s had feelings for you for a long while.”

“That doesn’t matter.”

“Davey, she liked you since she was about 6. I would know. I was her babysitter.” Ula nudged her brother a bit. “Look, her wording implies that she still really, really likes you. The only thing stopping her from being with you is that she feels bad about the other guy.”

“Yeah, but how long till she breaks it with him? When he proposes? When they’re getting married?”

“Davey.”

A single stern mention of his name was enough to make Davey flinch a bit, almost as if his own mother were ready to scold him.

“I came here to check on you, not hear nonsensical assumptions. Your name is Davey, but I don’t want to see you acting like Davy Jones when his girlfriend left him.” his sister gave a bit of a huff, soon enough softening before embracing Davey from the side. “I’ll listen, but I don’t want you to assume these things, okay? I know it hurts, I’ve dealt with similar pain so I get it.”

“I know.”

“I know you know.” Ula brought a finger up to Davey’s nose, giving him a playful boop in hopes of lifting the mood just the slightest bit. “I’m here to listen, so tell me whatever you want. Get things off your chest.”

It was one of those days when Davey decided it would be dedicated to himself, and his trusty axolotl Peggy of course. There were a variety of things they could have done, a variety of places they could have gone to.

With Peggy leading the way with the leash that Davey held onto, the two strolled down the sidewalk as Davey whistled a tune to himself.

Green eyes glanced at every side every now and then, scanning their surroundings to decide where it was their owner would be going.

The beach seemed rather nice as did the pier. But, those were places he frequented, as was the aquarium and even the restaurant owned by his uncle. Perhaps it was a day to visit a different place.

Davey’s thoughts were soon interrupted by a bark that came from Peggy, the axolotl turning her head to look at him as she continued walking.

“What is it Peggy? You have an idea?” Davey grinned as Peggy continued to bark, turning her head to the right as if to tell Davey that was the way she wanted to go. “Alright, sounds good.”

The two walked to the corner of the sidewalk, soon crossing the street until reaching the next sidewalk where a series of buildings were found.

Once again Peggy led the way, taking Davey down the path before she turned her head to the left, motioning to a small building.

“The music store?” Davey asked as he eyed the building, smiling with a shrug before opening the door to let Peggy in first. “I don’t remember the last time I came here.”

Peggy responded with a bark and wag of her tail.

“Oh right, Schrader brought me here that one time.” Davey nodded as he remembered. “Good thing he introduced this place to me.”

Peggy nodded her head as she continued on the way with Davey following behind, actually looking around a bit as she had caught a scent before the two had even entered the store. As Davey looked around the multitude of CD’s and records, Peggy finally caught sight of a rather familiar girl.

“Whoa Peggy,” Davey looked down at the axolotl who was tugging at her leash. “Give me just a moment.”

Peggy continued to tug on the leash, insisting that they go where she was attempting to take Davey.

“Alright, alright!” Davey chuckled as he set down the things he had been looking at, walking after Peggy who eventually sat down at the beginning of an aisle, wagging her tail a bit as she waited for Davey to notice what she saw. “What’s wrong?”

Davey looked up, eyes widening as he caught sight of none other than his dear friend Ally.

There she was, standing in front of the listening station as she listened to a song through the headphones that were provided. She was clearly very focused on the song, not ever realizing that Davey and Peggy watched her from afar as she was also looking through a series of disc cases that clearly pertained to the music she was listening to.

“Let’s go say hi.” Davey grinned, already starting to walk forwards as several thoughts raced through his mind. It was the perfect moment to pop a rather important question Davey should have asked much earlier.

But that was when it happened: Davey and Peggy brought their walking to a stop when a new guy came into the picture.

He had a few CDs on hand, already next to Ally who smiled once she took notice of him.

“Who the hell is he?” Davey questioned with a furrow of his eyebrows, clutching onto the handle of Peggy’s leash as he saw how friendly Ally was with this young man. It could have been an employee helping her out, maybe flirting with her...Davey shook his head at those thoughts.

He noticed that this was just some person that Ally knew, probably from the circus.

Just some person who Ally already knew, some person who stood by her at a distance that was too close for Davey’s liking. Hell, could it have even been called a distance when there was almost no space between the two?

His arm was beside Ally’s, brushing over her skin in a manner meant to look accidental, as he showed her the CDs he had brought over. If Davey’s hearing was correct, he heard the guy say that these were songs they should definitely listen to the next time they “hang out”.

“It’s him.” Davey squeezed his fists, eyes glancing down at Peggy who was already looking up at him.

Davey directed her a simple nod, Peggy practically nodding back before Davey released her leash. On accident, of course.

“So I was thinking,”

“Yes?”

“I could buy these discs and we could head over to my pl-”

“Peggy!”

Ally and the male stopped talking, looking over to the side where Peggy ran down the aisle, immediately jumping onto Ally’s legs.

“Oh! Hello Peggy.” Ally greeted before looking up, now seeing Davey who had apparently been running after the loose Peggy. “Davey! Hi…”

“Hey Ally! Funny running into you and...” Davey stopped himself, then turned to the other young man who looked a tad bit disappointed his conversation with Ally had been interrupted. “...your friend.”

“Trevor.” the male replied, offering a hand out to Davey with a polite smile. “And, Davey, right?”

“Yeah.” Davey nodded, keeping his eyes on the male’s hand for a moment before forcing himself to accept it, soon giving it a quick shake before immediately retreating his arm. “Ally’s friend since...a very young age.”

“I’ve heard, Ally has told me about you.” Trevor nodded. “Ally and I have also been friends for a while I’d say. We’re always together at the circus.”

“Oh, that’s...nice.” Davey nodded. “She’s never really mentioned you to me.”

“Guess I wasn’t important enough to mention.” Trevor joked as he gave a bit of a laugh.

“Don’t say that, you’ve always been a good friend of mine.” Ally chuckled back, neither of the two noticing how Davey’s fists clenched once again.

Noticing this, Peggy barked before getting in between the pair, Trevor a bit surprised but not minding as he could tell Peggy clearly enjoyed being in Ally’s presence .

“How long have you guys been friends?” Davey blurted out with a smile.

“A good few years.”

“Since we both became campers at the circus.” Ally answered confidently. “And now, we’re counselors together.”

“Oh. That’s nice.” Davey repeated his previous phrase. “So you’re both really into this circus stuff?”

“Definitely.” Trevor gave a nod. “In fact, I was thinking of applying to work at Fright Elysium.”

“The carnival?” Davey’s eyebrows rose. “My brother in law owns that place.”

“Really?”

“Sure does.”

“Ha, well I’d appreciate it if you could put a good word in my name to your in law.” Trevor gave a laugh, Ally nodding with a smile.

“Yeah, I’ll make sure to do just that.” Davey cleared his throat. “Um, what else do you like?”

“Me? Oh, I’m not such an interesting guy.” Trevor gave a shrug. “How about you tell me a bit about yourself? I've heard from Ally, but it’d be nice to hear from you. You like any of that clown-y stuff?”

“Yeah, I guess.” Davey scratched the back of his head. This was definitely a topic that bothered him a bit due to things he had been told by Ally’s sister. “I juggle.”

“Cool.”

“And make balloon animals. I can do sword tricks, fire-breathing. “ he continued. “I have a lot of good puns. How about you?”

“Oh, I just do the typical circus-performer stuff.”

“You’re too humble.” Ally added on with a bit of a laugh. “Trevor’s the best at the flying trapeze. The kids really love watching him soar through the air.”

“My acts would be a lot better if I had a designated partner.” Trevor directed his attention to Ally, looking her rather deeply in the eyes. At this, a blush crept up Ally's face as she turned away, no doubt flustered by the unexpected comment.

“Hopefully you find a partner that suits your needs.” Davey cleared his throat rather loudly.

“Yeah, hopefully.” Trevor nodded as he too cleared his throat, looking back at Ally who couldn't bring herself to look back at him. “It’s actually about to be 3, I should be on my way now.”

“Oh, that sucks. I was just starting to know you.” Davey shrugged, taking notice of the wagging from Peggy’s tail. They wasted enough time to prevent Trevor from continuing his previous conversation with Ally.

“Oh, if that’s the case then maybe I should head out too.” Ally looked at her watch. “The meeting with Cuckoo should be starting soon.”

“I’ll see you there then.” Trevor began to walk away, giving a wave to Davey. “It was nice meeting you, Davey.”

“Ditto.” Davey replied, not bothering to watch Trevor leave, instead turning his attention to Ally in an instant. “Are you going to be heading out too?”

“Soon enough, yes.” Ally gave a nod. “Was there...something you needed?”

“Yeah, actually. I, um, I wanted to talk to you about something.”

“Oh?” Ally blinked as Davey slightly shuffled his feet, thoughts of envy now gone as he mustered up the courage to finally talk to her the way he wanted to.

“So, look.” Davey started with a cough, cheeks already burning up as he continued. “Ally, I...I like you.”

Ally stared at Davey for a good moment, blinking a few times before motioning for him to continue, just in case she wasn’t really getting the message.

“I like, like really like you. Like, um. Ally.”

“Yes, Davey?”

“I’ve had feelings for you...for a while.” Davey continued after clearing his throat. “Like, a long while I think. Um, my point is, I’ve been wanting to ask this. I should have asked this earlier, I was...stupid for not asking sooner.”

“Asking…?”

“Ally,” Davey sucked his breath in, feeling Peggy give him a nudge on the leg, trying to help him out a bit. “ Do you want to go out on a date with me?”

At the sound of this, Ally’s eyes widened, and she blinked soon after she realized that this was not some sort of dream.

“A...d-date? Like...go out, romantically?”

“Y-yeah, I suppose.” Davey nodded as he nervously darted his eyes away, then looking back at Ally who had to release a deep breath after a while of hesitating.

“I’m sorry.”

“Sorry?”

“I’m...I’m sorry Davey. I’m going to have to say no.”

“I...no?”

“Davey, I’m sorry but...I’ve gone on a few dates with Trevor and...I have to admit that he’s a really nice guy, treats me very well and has actually been wooing me for a while.”

“I would feel terrible ending things so suddenly, especially if he found out that it was because I accepted your…” Ally bit her lip, not finding the right words as not even she knew what she was trying to say. “Davey...I admit that I’ve had feelings for you for a while. A long while, since we were children in fact. Seeing the way you acted with me, I would have never guessed that you reciprocated those feelings, so I felt hopeless and...it felt fruitless continuously pursuing you from afar.”

“Wow, I...I’m an idiot.” Davey breathed out as he processed the words, replaying them in his head a few times. “Since we were kids…”

“Davey,” Ally reached out to him in concern. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine.” Davey immediately forced a smile. “I’m perfect.”

“Are you sure?”

“Ally, I can’t say I didn’t expect this.” Davey gave a tiny laugh, feeling Peggy nudge his legs as if to comfort him. “I’m sorry, for not asking. Or more like, for taking so long.”

Ally stared at him, worried about having upset him.

“Davey-”

“It’s okay Ally, I totally understand.” Davey nodded as he began to step away. “I really do, you don’t have to worry about it.”

“Davey, please-”

“I will definitely see you around.” Davey interrupted. “Hopefully we can hang out sometime soon.”

“That’s how you ended it?”

“I didn’t know what else to say, Ula.”

“Maybe you should have let her talk.”

“What else was she supposed to say?” Davey asked his sister. “She said she didn’t want to hurt the other guy...that they’d gone on some dates, he’s been after her for so long...she was after me and I never took notice of it.”

Ula stared at her little brother, giving a sigh before she turned her attention to Peggy who was cuddled up to him. The axolotl no doubt thought this situation was rather dramatic and ridiculous, but what could she do as a little axolotl?

“Davey,” Ula ran a hand through Davey’s hair. “You know what would do you good?”

“What?” Davey turned to Ula, she seeing his tired eyes even more clearly.

“Coming over to my house and spending the night. Atlas and Schrader haven’t seen you in a while, and Peggy should spend some time with her relatives.” Ula suggested. “We can watch some movies, don’t even have to go to sleep. I have a lot of snacks, just for the two of us.”

“Spending the night at your house?” Davey blinked as he thought about it; Ula was relieved when she saw a tiny smile creep up on his lips. “I think...that sounds like a good idea.”

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