#and it is something i can learn it's just due to various brain issues and just time it is a bit harder for me than it should be

[master-gatherer]

So in re-researching getting another Microsoft Office license for my Surface (I have one for my Alienware) I also researched a little about Scrivener, and it seems really awesome. I may at least download the free trial to try it out, but if anyone has used it and can let me know how it compares to Word please tell me.

My big fear is downloading another program that should be better for my workflow, but then I have to take the time to relearn it when all I really want to do is the actual work. And I don't want to waste the free trial days figuring out the program when I should be using it to write.

[balkanradfem]

Neck pain update!

Okay so last time I wrote about this, was when I got the MRI results for my neck, which was blank, zero issues found. However the pain in my neck was still so bad I can't walk without pain, can't jump or run at all, and can't carry anything over 2kg. I was too scared to try and fix it on my own, because messing with an injured neck without training is dangerous, and can do damage, so I didn't want to risk making it worse. However, if the scans say the neck is fine, then I can't really ruin it, right, so I've started looking for exercises that don't hurt.

As I was looking for neck-related exercises on youtube (they all hurt too much), youtube was starting to recommend me back exercises as well, some of them specifically for Rhomboid pain. Now, I didn't know what this rhomboid was, but it so happened that I had pain in that exact spot, between shoulder blades, but that pain came and went, so I thought it must be psychosomatic (when you have chronic pain you assume most of what hurts is psychosomatic).

Anyway, I decided to do those exercises because it's much less scary to work on back pain, and they didn't hurt as much. Then I found, in the same source, some neck exercises that seemed a bit dangerous; they instructed me to lay down with my neck hanging over the bed, then hold my own head with my arms, and move it, like I'm fixing it in place. I was shocked to find out that this didn't hurt me, so I did that exercise twice. And then the shocking thing happened.

That exercise immediately changed how the pain felt while I was walking. Before, I used to feel every step as a punch to the back of my neck; now it was to the back of my head. This made me dizzy, nauseous and want to vomit, the first time it happened, and I was very scared that I made it worse. Pressure and pain where my brain is, felt even more serious than neck pain, and I didn't repeat that exercise ever again, in hope the pressure and pain in my head would go away. It didn't, however, go away, but I learned to deal with it, and it became somewhat bearable. I am due in few months for a brain MRI so if there's something actually wrong with my brain, I will find out then. I am suspicious though that maybe there's some muscle in my back that is extending up to the head causing issues. But I don't know if there is such a thing.

I kept doing the exercise for the back pain, but the back pain did not go away from it, the exercise just keeps getting more painful as I keep doing it, unsure whether I should just stop.

After that I fell depressed for a while, and just played stardew valley laying down using my touchpad, and this is where the pain got worse in my left arm. Before that, my arm hurt a little, if I was bending it backwards or extending it too far or carrying anything, but now, it hurt a lot, at all times, whenever I was trying to do anything at all. I thought I made it worse with my irresponsible video gaming, my wrist was now hurting badly too, and I couldn't bend my arm to use the laptop anymore. I tried with my right hand and then my right hand started hurting too.

I was trying various wrist exercises thinking it was the video game problem, that made no difference whatsoever, so today I finally looked up all possible causes of pain in the arm, and found something that was close to the pain I felt - coracobrachialis muscle pain. I've never heard of that muscle, but it's under the arm and connects the back and arm, and can get damaged from overuse. I found instructions on how to locate it, and upon pressing on it, I felt such intense pain I was crying and curled into a ball for a while, it's clear to me that this muscle is in bad condition.

Now, all the pain relief instructions for this were to give this muscle a massage, but I absolutely cannot do that, I can't touch that muscle, I can't press on it, the pain of just the smallest pressure is insane, while I'm happy to have found the source of my arm pain, I am absolutely lost as to what to do with this. Does anyone have any knowledge or experience with this specific muscle? I can't force myself to massage it until I find a way to somehow relax it, or relax the area around it, so that it would be this painful to touch.

Also, the neck itself has shown some tiny improvements. It feels like it got a little stronger, because now I can lift my head while lying down, which I couldn't do before. I can sometimes sit for a bit more than I could do before, I was limited to 20min of sitting before I had to lie down, now I can sit for an hour (with discomfort, but not pain). It still hurts while I walk but now it's more like pressure than being hit with pain, my head instead takes the hit. If I try to run, I get intense pain and pressure in my head, and it extends to my neck as well.

I think I did something okay along the way, maybe few mistakes. There's probably more than one problem with my muscles, I suspect, and I hope I will find ways to resolve them one by one. I even thought for a second that I maybe lack collagen because I'm vegan but then when I looked it up, it's something body produces by itself and doesn't need a supplement. So it's just a big mystery at this point. I still blame that tree-falling accident because this wasn't going on beforehand.

[circular-bircular]

Us: Hey, we want to change the current usage of Tulpa, as a term, due to its racist origins.

Them: These people are trying to stop Tulpamancy entirely!

Us: Nope! Actually a lot of the people saying this either have created alters, support created alters, or are married to people with created alters.

Them: This is just sysmeds trying to break apart the community:

Us: Er, nope. Actually the majority of voices right now are pro-endo or unaligned. Mostly pro-endo.

Them: Well, it’s sysmed rhetoric.

Us: … How? If being a sysmed means believing systemhood is inherently medical, then wouldn’t we be arguing not to have thoughtforms at all? That’s not what anyone is saying here.

Them: Well, the document going around spreads anti-endo rhetoric!

Us: N. No. It spreads POC voices. That was the point. Why does it matter is… like, one or two voices were anti-endo? Also the majority on that list also were not anti-endo. What are you even saying here, being anti-endo as a label somehow makes your POC voice no longer matter? That’s even more racist!

Them: Sysmeds are just trying to make it so we can’t use resources with the word tulpa.

Us: Again, majority aren’t sysmeds, and even then… Ah yes. The sysmeds who use resources that refer to DID as MPD or Hysteria or even Split Brain Syndrome clearly mean you can never ever use a resource ever again with an outdated term. Bitch, you literally will be able to still use those resources, and everyone has been saying that, you’re just too racist to listen!

Them: We can’t say anything without being called racist anymore 😞

Us: That’s because everything you’re saying is racist!

Them: Well, what about all these various fandoms that refer to Tulpamancy?! Why haven’t you said anything about them? You obviously only care about breaking up the endogenic community.

Us: Wait, what? I’m not part of any of those fandoms. I’ve never even heard of that being a thing. But… yeah? That’s horrible?? I can only work on my own community though, and this discourse is close enough to my community because it personally affects me. It’s something close enough to me that I might be able to change it. Wait, if it’s so bad and racist that even you’re mentioning it, if you know so much about this issue, why haven’t you spoken out about it yet?

Them: Nobody white should be talking about how it’s appropriation. We should be listening to actual Tibetan Buddhists. And by that we mean people who live in Tibet who are ethnically Tibet and raised Tibetan Buddhist.

Us: … The people, in Tibet, who have limited to no access to the internet due to the political climate, who face actual persecution for speaking up? Those Tibetan Buddhists?

Them: In conclusion, Tulpamancy isn’t racist, and what we’re asking for isn’t racist. You should read more sweaty and maybe you would understand. 😌 Here’s a link to a Reddit AMA that agrees with my point, one of the only sources I have that says it’s not appropriation. Learn smth.

……..

I’m so fucking tired.

[djsherriff-responses]

I’m attempting an actual set up/timeline of sorts for Captain Laserhen and wanted to share what I’ve written down so far

I appreciate opinions and criticism if you’re comfortable reading about an au involving themes of Eugenics, unethical practices that go against people’s bodily autonomy and consent , male pregnancy, abuse and general fears regarding pregnancy, parenthood and how that can change someone

You see Eden, the big fans of eugenics that they are , don’t feel it’s enough to simply scan through their civilian population and hunt down those with “worthy” genetics for their various military programs: They want a way to manufacture super soldiers personally

Cloning seems like an obvious choice and cloning technology is something they have access to. But it takes so many resources just to create and maintain one clone through its development , never mind all the mutations and amount of failures that could happen during the cloning process, and then there’s the issue of this information getting out to the press and the controversy it’d cause

But most importantly, clones are essentially dolls with a conscious, and dolls don’t have any loyalty to their owners. Sure Eden is a master at brain washing and almost perfected the art of manipulating people. But Eden already has defectors and traitors despite their best efforts to maintain control of their own civilians , who’s to say what chaos would happen if mass produced clones became part of the equation?

No , it best to keep cloning to a strict minimum of a select few. A few rogue clones is much easier to deal with then an entire trained army of rogue clones

Eden realised it’s not enough to raise children to wield guns , their soldiers need a reason to remain loyal to Eden despite the horrors and abuse, a connection to keep them tied to the system even when doubt eats at them in the dead of night

And what greater ties is there than that of blood: A family

So Eden gave their male super soldiers a sort of “retirement protocol” where they essentially have an artificial womb (don’t ask me the specifics of this it’s sci fi horror nonsense) so that when those super soldiers (ideally) aged out of the military, they’d get pregnant and pop out a replacement to take their place

Or if a super soldier chose to become a traitorous terrorist, Eden will have leverage to bring them back into their arms

(Dolph in this au is cis and while the Eden army is dominantly cis, there’s likely issues a trans or genderqueer character would face from this situation that simply has not crossed my cis brain, just wanted to add this tidbit here since the set up is primarily focused on cis men going through this unethical treatment)

The specific reasons why this was done to male soldiers:

Women already have wombs and the capability to produce children, so it’d be pointless all things considered

There’s a larger amount of men in the army compared to women, so obviously Eden has gotta put their resources on getting *the men pregnant* replacements for those men ready

Men who are amab aren’t expected to ever fall pregnant and thus aren’t prepared for the turmoil and stress that comes with pregnancy the ways which women are. The men would be in a vulnerable position and would seek out help by any means necessary , plus be much easier to manipulate (either through use of their new found motherly instincts or their desire to be rid of this unexpected baby)

Most importantly,men do not have the means to have a natural birth. This is the most crucial part as the way Eden has done it, the men will have no choice but to seek medical attention to have a c section when the baby is due and thus even if that man does not want to return to Eden, Eden will still have the means to find him anyways

“But what about the press/public learning about this?!” Oh Eden already has an answer to that: Male pregnancies are a result of a strange effect of dimension X leaking into our universe and biologically impacting Eden’s male population(which is all the more reason it’s important to keep alien scum out!)

Basically, Eden blames the aliens. Because a vulnerable pregnant man is going to be far more willing to crawl back into the system that abused him if he believes aliens are the ones making him go through the horrific process of an unnatural pregnancy, instead of the truth that Eden has purposely done unethical practices on his body to keep him on a leash 

And Dolph is one of those men that Eden unethically gave with the ability to have babies, all without his knowledge or consent, yay!

Side note, normal children are 50:50 when it comes to inheriting their parents’ genetics. But super soldier babies actually take about 75 to 85% after their “mother” (again, Eden being huge fans of eugenics and not wanting to lose such valuable genes) so any children Dolph has, regardless of the other parent, will always take more after him

The timeline of this au diverges from the canon plot as of episode two , before Dolph walks in on Alex sleeping with Pagan (so anything that happened after that doesn’t happen, most notably Jade does not die). Instead of seeing the cigarette and finding his cheating boyfriend, the smell of the smoke makes Dolph vomit and team ghost are forced to abort mission. Though technically it’s been divergent from canon before episode one even happens

[babyspacebatclone]

I have a very serious question, and need some help getting connected to people with relevant experience.

How do you connect to and motivate a deaf and blind infant?

We have done everything we can think of when working with this one infant at my day care for the past 6+ months.

And the growth she’s shown so far - her personality, her fierce independence, her exuberance and love of cuddles and jumping - shows we are connecting, and making gains with her.

She’s such a character, despite everything medically she’s gone through (details below cut) it’s so easy to treat her like a regular, stubborn child.

We talk with her the way we do any of the other babies, cuddle, make sure she can reach toys to chew, do our best to move her to something new when she gets fussy - generally the jumper, her favorite.

But she’s finally getting to the point where she can work on moving, and we’re struggling with reinforcing things.

She was making progress with scooting before the most recent medical crisis, but now she just seems content to focus on her fine motor (being able to hold stuff) and rolling.

She’s in physical et al. therapy, of course, but us day care teachers are getting a tiny bit frustrated with their “results” focus - when we know how much she can do when she’s not frustrated with being forced.

Full toddler stubbornness in that little body, let me tell you!

Can we grape vine this enough to connect me with disability specialists or people with real life experience with comorbid deaf blindness in infants???

I’m going to be obfuscating a lot of personal details whenever possible, because of reapect/confidentiality/etc. Because unfortunately there are some unique medical issues I want to share for context.

We’ll proceed with calling this girl Margret, and say that she’s about seven or eight months developmentally at this point (attempting to compensate for developmental stunting due to various medical crisis events).

Margret was born three months premature, with pretty much most of the associated heath concerns from that. She also, unfortunately, suffered seizures and Hypsarrhythmia (disorganized brain waves), which are associated with the two “medical crisis events” I reference.

Fortunately, she seems past the second crisis event, and is showing her personality, independence, and interests again.

Right now, the therapy specialists are focused on getting our girl on sitting and eating solid foods.

And having worked with babies for three years, I wanna smack ‘em!!! 🥴

My big thing with babies is “are they working on something?” Part of it might be my own neurodivergence, but as long as they are working at something within their developmental range, I’m happy.

Pre-Toddler “capable of learning not to do bad things,” of course (and of course I don’t let the babies get away with “bad stuff,” but I’m at the preteaching stage to make things easier for the toddler teacher later).

I’ve only had two babies freak me out for not doing something, and it’s poor Margret during her two medical crisis events and another child I, unfortunately, never got to see the resolution for.

Other older teachers keep pushing six/seven month olds to focus on unsupported sitting.

And you know what? One family had two perfect examples: the elder son wouldn’t sit because that meant staying still, and the other was so chill they just liked laying down. Both grew up to be insane movers and developmentally on track with everything else.

If a baby doing something other than what the sanitized charts say is expected? Most of the time they’re either the former - want to move - or the latter - satisfied with amusing themselves playing with their feet.

Both are building skills, and developmentally appropriate at that stage.

Generally, when I want to engage a child in sitting, I use our hanging toy gyms in front of them. The toys are up, encouraging keeping the body up, and there’s something of interest.

I don’t know how to motivate Margret with something similar, though. She only seems to know if there’s a toy when she’s able to feel it, and obviously laying down or sitting in a high chair/baby table is best for being able to keep track of a toy by touch.

As for eating… You’ll read below Margret has literal trauma about food, being force feed for health reasons, etc. I’d like her to eat, but it’s only a priority for making this easier for the adults. We have supplemented fluid we can use, I’d rather let her work on gross motor skills and being happy instead of “learning to eat [like a normal child].”

😠

This is where I’m really asking for help: We can connect with Margret though touch and her preferred toys. I used to tap her pacifier on her cheek, try to reassure her it wasn’t the (wet) bottle and I was done trying to get her to drink.

Putting her pacifier or other toy in her hand is now the best option, she recognizes it faster!

She’s also very vocal! It’s hard sometimes to determine right away if she’s happy or sad, but she quickly makes it clear.

My favorite recently is that she will scream when she drops her “honey dipper” “spoon” we’ve been using at meal times for baby oatmeal. She’s not too fond of the food part, but she loves chewing on it! Great for teething!! She’ll throw her biggest fits when she drops it, then giggles when we get it back in her hand.

She’s learned “screams = help!” and I am beyond thrilled she’s made that connection!!!!!

I don’t know how much of her other vocalizations are similar attempts to communicate, or self soothing.

Anyone with experienced opinions, I’d love to hear them!!

I’ll try summarizing the medical background, if the details help…

Margret started at our center about six months chronologically, three months developmentally. She had some delays there, but our primary concern was eating.

Poor girl, feeding has been a struggle except for one miracle period. Lots of regurgitation, which makes her resent bottle time generally, and the more upset she is the more likely she’s to gag.

She was even losing weight for a while, so as much as I didn’t want to traumatize her I did my best to balance times feedings with listening to her feedback.

But for a bit, I didn’t overall worry. The more she fought the bottle, the more I was sure there was a person inside, and at first we got to know Margret as she started building skills.

Number one: She loved to stand. Easiest way to make her happy was to get her on her feet. She built muscle fast for all her weight issues, you could hold her by her hips and she’d be able to keep herself upright at a level you usually don’t see at her developmental stage.

Once she was big enough for the jumper, she found heaven. She will let us know if she’s done, but usually she wants to be in there until she rocks herself to sleep.

Like most babies even up to her current development level of 7-8, so I was thrilled there!

Then she plateaued, and I got worried. We noticed she almost never responded to auditory stimulation, and never focused on anything - her eyes always wandered.

For a while, I wondered if she was severely near or far sighted, which is why she never seemed to focus on anything.

Then two bad wammies.

First: Tests suggested her eyes and ears function well. Any issues with vision or hearing is in information conveying or processing.

Second: After regular EEG scans without concern, Margret began showing seizure activity and Hypsarrhythmia.

Potentially responsible for the first via brain damage, we obviously can only hypothesize.

That’s the first medical crisis in my personal experience with her.

We got her on meds, and - Margret was back! As stubborn and as curious and as energetic as ever.

She was even trying to scoot. One day, she shocked me by basically trying to pull herself into the wall mirror we have for the babies! 😊

They got her on some anti-regurgitation medication, too, and bottle times became a joy for all of us!

And then…

I don’t have the details. All I feel comfortable with saying is there were bad decisions being made about the seizure medication…

They down-titrated all of Maegret’s medications.

This period is the second crisis event, and we’ve been fighting to get back since.

She lost weight. She’s been regurgitating all her bottles again - we’ve had it as bad as 7 regurgitations while at the center, and we have to keep trying again in half an hour in a vain attempt to get calories into her.

She’s gotten back into her old personality, though, and her fine motor skills seem to be increasing! She searches for toys on the jumper, instead of needing them handed to her, and will pick up stuff on the ground if she rolls enough to feel it.

But she has no interest in scooting anymore, and when she tries to walk when held her legs are very very unstable. Her feet roll, she doesn’t know where to put her legs…

She can stand flat footed in the jumper, but I don’t think she’s fully put together how, it’s just chance.

I want her to keep making gains and showing off her skills. I want her able to move, and get even more independence.

And the older kids in the baby room are great with her, we have a 90% great group! (one stinker, but he’s a stinker to everyone, and typically prefers the active babies to rough house… lol)

I’m running out of stuff I feel safe to share/need to vent.

I just… got really frustrated with the therapy people today.

I know they want the best for Margret. But she was tired today, she did not want to sit, and it infuriates me we can’t show off the stuff she’s actually working on because they’re fixated on two narrow things.

😓

[lightlyteal]

when i say the separation between physical and mental illness is false, i don't mean that me being unable to walk downstairs to take out the trash due to having ocd is the same as someone being unable to walk downstairs to take out the trash due to a mobility issue

i mean that, there are more differences between some 'physical' illnesses than there are between other 'mental' and 'physical' ones, etc.

for example, i have iron deficiency anemia (physical illness) and various anxiety disorders (mental illnesses) which cause dissociation. i thought, for months, that the lightheadedness from anemia was mental, because it felt exactly like dissociation. turned out i had severe iron deficiency with anemia. similarly, i have GERD and other digestive tract issues, and the nausea they cause me can feel identical to the nausea anxiety causes me.

psychiatry should be a subset of neurology, not a whole secret separate thing from 'physical' stuff.

as far as current science is concerned, the mind, including all thoughts and emotions, exists as a product of the physical body, yet we still treat the mind as if it was some separate thing of its own.

every thought you have is physically happening in your brain, and wait until you learn it's not even only in your brain- the brain is way more connected with the rest of the body than you think. for example, your gut microbiome directly affects your mood, and your digestive system has a whole nervous system of its own, dealing with much of the same neurotransmitters than your brain. not to sound weirdly holistic, but nothing in your body exists in a neat box of its own, it's all connected. and your mind is a part of your body (or a product of your body, which essentially is the same thing, in practice.)

when it comes to disability discussions, even, it's super often that a lot of chronic mental conditions share similarities with a lot of chronic physical conditions (e.g. fatigue, dissociation, stomach issues, executive dysfunction...) and the distinction between mental and physical is just not productive to the conversation. i think it'd be a lot more useful to, say, talk about neurological things (anxiety, cognitive decline...) regardless of whether they're caused by something 'physical' or 'mental' ('mental' is essentially physically happening in your brain anyway), mobility things, digestive things, pain things, etc.

as someone who's disabled with 'both' 'mental' and 'physical' disabilities.

[riftrive]

Some thoughts about Double Agent / Goldie / золото and things that make them different from Chaos

The name Chaos gave them is золото (zoloto), which literally is just Gold in Russian. But also they find it interesting seeing what names others give them.

Less of a clone, more of an experiment. They do not have Chaos' memories because there isn't an easy way to to tap those to transfer (Chaos doesn't have a physical brain). Everything they know is through teaching

Which similarity comes in they both bright af and quick to learning- actually, there's a good chance золото is quicker to learn some things than Chaos. Most of these are human emotions and feelings which are harder for Chaos.

The reason for this? золото can feel things Chaos can't. Like physical things. Chaos' senses are very inhuman, and certain ones humans can't feel. Others they can't like pain like a human does, for example. золото can, and they can learn things through it. Even if something that hurts others can't hurt them, they can be like "this hurts another, I know what pain is, therefore I understand why they don't like it". Might not always stop them though.... actually might make their capacity for cruelty higher and a better torturer than Chaos

Speaking of pain, or the closest Chaos can feel, золото does not have the overstimulation of ooze issue. Chaos did start to make them a vessel or shell in expectation of this, but noticed золото didn't show the same stress as themselves when out of clothing or covering. It was confusing until Chaos found out why

золото has sensory organs instead of the ooze particles for sensing that Chaos has. Eyes and mouths (probably far too many), as well as other various means to sense in a more biological way than Chaos. These are hidden in their ooze, but they can sense through it just fine. They can also move ooze to make these more obvious if desired. Chaos believes these developed due to them using additional factors beyond their ooze that were more natural to Earth.

Actually золото has organs in general where Chaos basically lacks all them (Chaos does have a few kinda, but they aren't exactly how understood by humans). They are malleable, and can squish and squeeze and stretch without much issues. However they shouldn't be broken apart, therefore obvious clumps of ooze may occur if золото splits body / bursts it / otherwise minimizes the full shape of self.

золото runs warmer than Chaos does- they are about the warmth of the human body, unlike Chaos' cold ooze

Unlike Chaos, English is their native tongue. This is cause when Chaos made them they were surrounded by more English speakers than those of Russian or Ukranian (aka they weren't made in their main lab back home.) They might have nearly no accent that Chaos has- anything that might give away one is words said slightly different cause how they learned from Chaos, but others said without this difference. They do know bits of Russian, Ukranian, and other languages Chaos knows though.

Default height might be taller than Chaos'- both can still change their sizes, but золото chose taller

Might have a bit more of a calmer disposition than Chaos does. Still coy, but less of a near constant high energy

Chaos considers золото one of their best experiments, especially given how hard it is to work with their own ooze

[noperopesaredope]

My New Word-Girl Villain OC

Simple Matter, also known as Susan, is a somewhat minor (but consistently reoccurring and frequent) villain in Word Girl. She appears about as frequently as Lady Redundant Woman, having a couple episodes all her own, but mostly appearing in episodes related to other villains, often with a non-speaking role.

The daughter of a very minor superhero (who sadly died when Susan was a baby, so she never felt much attachment to heroes), Susan was born with the power to simplify things. By that, I mean that she is a tiny bit similar to Molly from Epithet Erased, specifically the part where she can “dumb things down” into nothing. Susan can essentially “break things down” to their basic components, which is a bit conceptually horrifying at times, but ignore that part. If Susan were to use her powers on, say, a ceramic sink, she could essentially simplify it into being a metal pipe attached to a hunk of ceramic.

If she used her power on a painting, all the details would essentially be smeared out, and the picture would look like just some globs of color. If she simplifies something enough, it can just become a series of atoms. Luckily for her, Susan can control what aspect of something she wants to simplify, so she hasn’t killed or horribly maimed anyone yet. I am yet to decide if her powers can be reversed.

Susan is very autism-coded and heavily implied to struggle with receptive LPD, showing multiple symptoms throughout her time on screen. She can have difficulties understanding certain abstract concepts and ideas, which is why she appreciates the way Word Girl takes the time to define and explain a word in a way that Susan can understand. There have been a few times where she’s asked Word Girl to re-explain a word or remind her of it, but Word Girl has been quite patient, especially once Susan mentioned that her brain has a hard time with language processing.

The funny thing is that Susan, despite having difficulties understanding words, legitimately likes them. Similar to the Butcher wanting to butcher words less, Susan does enjoy learning new words, even if she gets a bit confused along the way. She will eagerly listen to someone make a fancy speech with fancy words, and then afterwards ask her friends to re-explain it to her. She doesn’t mind it when Word Girl mildly corrects her on a word, as she knows that the young superhero is just passionate about the subject and trying to be helpful– in her own way.

Despite fighting her often, Susan does respect Word Girl and likes her, they just so happen to be on opposite sides most of the time.

In terms of autism, Susan struggles with various sensory issues, such as getting easily overwhelmed when hearing multiple sounds at once and not being able to concentrate when that is occurring. She also has a hatred of various textures, and mostly only eats “bland” food or food with few clashing flavors/textures. Susan will actually sometimes use her powers on food before she eats it, making sure it doesn’t taste too “complicated.”

A major example of Susan’s sensory issues, and the one we see most frequently throughout the show, is her issues with color hypersensitivity. She can’t stand “loud” or bright colors, and the easiest way to incapacitate her is via showing her one of those messy abstract paintings, as she can also get overwhelmed by certain complex visual stuff like that. This is all why Susan is a minimalist: for sensory reasons.

She also has plenty of social difficulties as well, due to having both autism and receptive LPD. Susan consistently speaks in a flat affect similar to Abed from Community (my favorite example of autistic representation), rarely notices more subtle body language/facial expressions, strongly dislikes looking at people while holding conversations, and is often unintentionally “rude.”

Susan has very few friends, preferring to have small, tight-knit circles of friends rather than larger groups. However, despite having difficulties with socializing and understanding other people, Susan feels closely connected to the villain community of Fair City and has found a good support network with it. The others are honestly pretty understanding when it comes to some struggles she may experience, like her poor communication skills and difficulties reading social cues. Overtime, everyone has begun to figure out how to communicate with her in a way both sides can understand.

Now, onto the crimes:

Simple Matter first became a criminal when she got incredibly mad at a public sculpture for being confusing and ugly, and she decided that the best way to handle this dilemma was to destroy it beyond repair. She somehow managed to get away with this, and slowly developed a small habit of destroying things she hated, like annoying billboards, sirens, more public art, etc. The media then proceeded to label her as a new and upcoming villain. Susan at first tried to deny the title, but the same week she was labeled a villain, Susan ended up running into a crime duo while they were robbing a store.

One member of the duo, Kaleidoscoper, immediately recognised Susan as “that cool new villain who destroys stuff, like me!” She congratulated her on her debut, and welcomed her to the villain community, even asking Susan if she wanted to help them out with the robbery. Susan was caught off guard by Kaleidoscoper’s friendliness, and decided “eh, why not just roll with it.” So she did, thus solidifying her status as a villain. She was also surprised to find herself legitimately enjoying the whole thing, enjoying some of the thrill. So she officially declared herself now a villain, and with some help from her new friends, came up with the name “Simple Matter.”

So now Simple Matter mainly commits two types of crimes: vandalizing anything she particularly hates and robbing places like everyone else. Most of her crimes are done out of either pettiness, boredom, or a desire to hang out with her villain friends. Simple Matter is actually known for being quite chill, and outside of vandalism, she’s not very aggressive. Witnesses have actually said that while she could be a bit “rude” and blunt, she consistently treated them fairly, and they never felt like she was threatening them. Overall, Simple Matter is a more pleasant villain to be around, and easier to deal with than most. However, she will put up a fight, depending on the day and situation.

Simple Matter uses a big wooden staff as a weapon (keeping with the simplicity theme), and she is actually very good at using it in battle. She is often seen playing around with it when bored or in a more idle position, spinning it around, tossing it back and forth between her hands, fidgeting, etc. There is an episode in one of the later seasons where Kaleidoscoper mentions that she’s been helping Simple Matter design a more “fun and flattering” villain outfit. 

The next time we see Simple Matter, she is wearing a more notable outfit that clearly differs from her previous more civilian-like attire. It has a much more clear theme, with loosely fitting pale blue robes (that might take a tiny bit of inspiration from Buddhist nun robes, but not so much as to be appropriation) and a strap to attach the staff to her back. When in villain mode (and sometimes even on small errands in civilian mode), Simple Matter will be seen wearing this outfit for the rest of the series.

So, I believe that that’s all you need to know about Simple Matter/Susan for now! Hope you find her endearing/interesting, since I worked really hard on writing her out.

Oh, one more small detail: she and Kaleidoscoper at totally dating by the mid-point in the series, they just never explicitly say it. It’s more implied.

[septembersghost]

I think people's reaction to beyonce not winning Grammys vs Austin not winning Oscar's is so interesting. Like they were both expected to win in that respective category. But when beyonce lost people were acting like someone killed her yet when aus lost they turned him into a meme and made fun of him. It proves that stan twitter needs someone to either hate or worship.

Also the reactions to Brendan winning vs harry winning also interesting. Harry had the most popular album and single yet was uNdEsErViNg. Meanwhile while everyone agrees it wasn't BF's best performance or best performance from last year they are glad he won because 'they like him'.

(I don't hate either B's. Just pointing out hypocrisy)

i have so many thoughts on this and i am extremely exhausted/sifting through brain fog, so i probably won't be able to articulate it well, but the core issue here has very little to do with bey or brendan (all due respect to both), and everything to do with the extremely cruel and entirely unfounded, nonsensical hatred directed at harry and austin. which have some very clear, awful parallels that I Do Not Understand.

(side note: there was a lot of, from what i've seen, warranted, criticism and discomfort with that movie, but the support there was just because...brendan's (deservedly) well-liked? he's a lovely man and should've been treated better before?! and it bothers me because that's then not about the quality of the performance, it's about completely outside metrics. this issue could similarly be applied to jamie lee's win. they are both fantastic, they both certainly are worth recognition, but they were in some respects given de facto lifetime achievement awards rather than the merit of each performance being assessed and awarded accordingly. a lot of the oscars are political and personal where they should not be, but i digress.

also curious and sad how we only seem to learn we should've treated someone better AFTER they've been put through hell, and yet we continue to put people through hell for no reason... :| )

harry and austin are both very open-hearted, earnest, kind human beings with palpable enthusiasm for their art. you don't work with/interact with/meet thousands of people at various levels in various places, from industry luminaries to fans to service workers, and have them all come away talking about how generous and sweet you are unless that's simply what you are. for some reason, though, social media hates and resents this. harry being unapologetically warm and effusively authentic. austin being noted for his humility and graciousness. both being introspective about what they do. if aus had won, those same people would've been eviscerating him for winning as they laughed that he lost (which, btw, is so stupid - they are miserable nobodies behind a screen and he is an oscar nominee forever, so what are they proving? countless incredible actors have lost, or never even been nominated!, and it says nothing about their talent and careers). something about austin's sincerity and unguarded dedication for three+ years of his life was mockable to these people because they can't fathom having that feeling of empathy or closeness to anything, so all they can do is tear him down. people saying he seems "nasty" (LMAO??? WHERE? v's stans being legitimately ~nasty~ have fueled WAY too much of this and i hate that the actual press followed their lead in regards to commenting on his voice and his commitment to e's humanity), when the entire awards season he was being embraced and celebrated by everyone around him, by the current greats and his fellow nominees and peers in hollywood, for both his tremendous performance and for his genuine kindness, is like...idk it's honestly sick in some way. people cannot stand seeing it and i don't understand WHY. i love nothing more than compassion, thoughtfulness, and people expressing passion for their craft, i cannot comprehend the way that's rejected by the internet.

additionally, with both of them, there's this...shallow dismissal because they're handsome men of a similar age with younger "fangirls." the haters seem to have the idea that this dismisses any gravity or import anything they create or say ever do. it's bizarre. i saw someone say the only people who cared about the film were fifteen year olds, which is laughably wrong, but they'd say that about h's music too. i saw someone say nothing about the film was important, which i could write a whole other dissertation disagreeing with (and what austin said - if it touches ONE PERSON, it's important! i've written before about why it was resonant and beautiful to me, and i am FAR from the only person it touched, and it has crossed so many boundaries! as, again, has h's music! so...). there's also that pretentious concept that something being popular means it's worthless, which is silly. eeaao has gotten some of this too. how dare people embrace and love something?

stan twitter needs someone to either hate or worship. exactly, there is no in-between, they decide to do this based on pointless whims and meanspiritedness that is ultimately meaningless and says nothing about their targets or their idols. it IS hypocritical and it's wildly unfair. social media will say the most abhorrent things about people who have done NOTHING to deserve it, that i wouldn't even think about people i have concrete reason to dislike, much less would EVER type aloud for all to see. it's about rage clicks and living in that negativity spiral giving them a false sense of superiority. imagine if they directed some of that energy towards some purpose instead of just living to be trolls online. instead they stew in their own misery thinking it makes them powerful. ugh. 😕

my answer to this continues to be giving them no time of day and pretending they evaporate when i hit the block button, and just loving things ten times harder. <3

[bugbyte]

I keep thinking about the whole AI art scenario, and I keep returning to the same metaphors in my mind, because apparently my brain just works in a Darmok and Jalad fashion most of the time. Anyway.

What gets me is that it’s a neat computer trick, it feels magical, which is when technology is often at its best, in my opinion. There’s a sense of wonder in watching a thing a happen.

However, it also makes me think of other experiences in my life. Even if all the popular AI art-generating platforms weren’t based on theft and scraping real artists’ efforts from all over the web, how can it possibly be fulfilling?

Like this:

I am a former half-marathonner. I enjoyed running because it was fun and it felt good, but I was far from able to run well. I was very slow. I never really got good, but I had fun trying anyway. But! There are a lot of races that accept runners who are more beginner, as well as those of higher skill levels. You just need to be able to do the thing, you don’t have to be a professional. So I did, and it was fun. I ran in the same races that some former Olympians ran in! That feels neat to know! But I, myself, am not, nor do I aspire to be, an Olympian. And that’s ok!

But about that “former” part from above; I can no longer run half-marathons due to some health issues. I could, in theory, get in a car and drive the race course from start to finish, moving my body from the beginning point to the end, which “technically” is the same thing, and I’d finish in minutes, with an incredible time. But I wouldn’t, obviously, because there would be absolutely no sense of accomplishment. I would feel nothing, because I did nothing, and what would the point even be? Just because you technically finished the task doesn’t mean it has the same value when taken out of its proper context.

I can see toying around with an AI in various ways as a learning tool, or something, but I simply do not understand the arguments pro-AI folks make about how they are artists now, too. A driver is not a marathon runner just because they went fast. Artmaking is a very human experience. You don’t have to be “good” at it if you like doing it. And like anything else, you can continue to practice and your improvement will be measurable! Look at the archives of practically any webcomic. I mean, look at the entire human history of art. We all started by drawing on cave walls and rocks, and the entire process was refined slowly as we learned, together, how to draw babies that weren’t just miniature adults, and stuff like that. (Like, for real, learning a bit of art history will change your thinking about both art and history.)

If you want to make art, just do it. The learning is part of the making. It’s ok to be imperfect.

Temba, his arms wide.

[hellhound5925]

Cyare Verd *Beloved Warrior* Bad Batch Edition

Previous Chapter

The Crossing Pt. 2

Sitting on the rock, I watch the boys dig. I did try to help but both Hunter and Tech told me no... "I feel so useless" I complain out loud. "You're injured" Hunter grunts out while moving a large rock. I'm not all that mad...I mean I get a good view of Hunter.... After quite some time, it seems like they've gotten no where. Various pieces of armor are strung across the floor of the mine due to them working up a sweat, meanwhile I've been day dreaming about Hunter. I come back to reality,"Wrecker promise me you'll shower when we get back to the Marauder" I sigh knowing he will damn well be the one to stink us out...he does frequently... "Ugh! I don't smell that bad!" Now it's Tech's turn to sigh "I have to agree with Raven...you must be used to your own scent, Hence why you do not notice." I change the subject not wanting another argument "You guys should take a break. You've been at it for hours...." "The sooner we get this done....the sooner we can get the Marauder back and leave" Hunter barks moving yet another large rock. "Atin..." I whisper under my breath. "What's that mean?" Omega asks typing on Tech's datapad. "Stubborn" I say resting my head in my hands, elbows on my knees. "Something's not right. The Marauder's transponder isn't relaying a signal" she tells us. "It was probably disabled by the thief who commandeered it" Tech tells her. "Well, then how are we gonna track it?" Hunter sighs "The ship's not important right now. We need to get outta here first." "Quite correct. Besides, it is most unlikely that the Marauder will be recovered" Tech gives Wrecker a nasty look and Wrecker grunts angrily. "What?" I ask. Omega gets defensive "Don't say that. We have to get it back!" Tech is getting visibly more irritated "We can always acquire another ship. It is merely a mode of transportation." "The Marauder's our home! We already lost Echo. We can't lose that too" she starts to raise her voice before looking sadly at the floor. Hunter stops what he is doing "Omega, we didn't lose Echo....He's just on a different mission." "But he's not here. He's...he's not with us. We're supposed to be a squad!" Tech has also now stopped what he's doing "This squad existed before Echo was a part of it, and it will exist after. What is your issue?" By the look on her face at his question...she's beyond mad..."Omega..." Hunter starts like he's going to comfort her but she throws the datapad at Tech and storms off.

Hunter and I give Tech a look , "I merely stated the truth" he defends himself. Hunter sighs "She already knows the truth....That's why she's upset." I slide off my rock finally having had enough - I'm so mad I can't even think in galactic basic...it all comes out in Mando'a, "Gev! Ni liser't atiniir ibic" they all stare at me in silence. "Tech" I snap losing patience. "She said 'Stop it. I can't take this'." It's actually Hunter who translates. "Haa'taylir (look)....ugh..." I try to collect myself "Look I know we all miss Echo and I also know you were with him a lot longer than me..." wincing I steady myself before continuing "but you are at each others throats...I get that families feud - trust me I do - Luubid cuyir luubid! (Enough is enough!) You're vode (brothers) for Makers sake! Cuyir ogir par solus shol'shya! (Be there for one another!) Nayc slanar venjii solus shol'shya! (No going after one another!)" I end up yelling by the time I'm done. Grab my buy'ce (Helmet), I hobble off angrily - a string of curses in Mando'a leave my mouth.

————

The three of us stand there stunned for a second. Raven was speaking so fast and half in Mando'a, my brain didn't even have the time to process what she said...Remind me to learn more Mando'a..."I only picked up about half of that....Tech" He puts his helmet back on, flips down his visor, and word for word repeats what she sad."She talks fast when she's angry....it kinda scares me" Wrecker chimes in. I thought it was attractive...and maybe a little scary "She's right though, we can't take this out on one another...it stops now. Let's focus on getting out of here." Wrecker steps back and looks at the pile "It's going to take days to clear a path at this rate." Tech thinks for a moment "This operation could use a well-placed detonation. A small amount of ipsium would be more than enough."

————

Walking deeper into the tunnel, I can hear sniffling and soft whimpers. Following the sound, I call out "Omega?" I stumble across her sitting with her knees pulled to her chest. Grunting, I sit down next to her. "I'm sorry Omega, I know it might not seem like it but I know they are having a hard time without Echo too. If it makes you feel any better I finally had enough of listening to them bicker." She puts her head in my lap "A little. I heard you yelling...everything echos through the tunnels." I sigh, playing with her hair "I miss him too Omega. I know I haven't known Echo as long as you guys but I think him as my vod (brother) all the same." She picks her head up suddenly and points to a small crack in the rock "wait, what's that?" I look across from us and see a crack with a blue glow coming through. "Hmm I'm not sure." She gets up and uses the drill to make the hole bigger but the wall falls in some. I slide my buy'ce (helmet) on and scan the area "Woah." "It's an ipsium deposit....We can replace what we lost!" She's practically jumping up and down. She climbs through the hole and I start to follow her through but struggle bending myself in a way my side doesn't hurt. "Here let me help." Omega helps me through the hole, we are standing on a small ledge. Using my HUD I scan down into the darkness below, "I can't see what's down there...it must be a long way."

Thankfully we didn't fill all the vials in my pack, Omega gets to work mining the ipsium she can reach. When she fills one, she passes it to me and I carefully place it on the other side of the hole. After some time I hear someone approaching. Tech comes into view, I motion behind me to where Omega is hoping he will talk it out with her. "Omega? Omega?" "I'm busy" she sasses. "I can see that....Are you aware that you are surrounded by enough ipsium that, if not handled correctly, could take down this entire cavern?" I stare down Tech hoping he get the hint. He shifts uncomfortably like he does. "Then you better not distract me. Thought we could use this to blow our way through the cave-in." Tech shakes his head in agreement "I came to a similar conclusion myself." I crawl out of the hole letting Tech inside. Sitting with my back against the wall I listen to them talk. "Little help?" She asks him. "This vein appears to be much more pure than what we found in Cid's mine. Perhaps you should extract as much ipsium as you can." "You trust me to do that?" "I am fully aware you are capable of the task." "Raven? Grab the empty vials from my satchel." "You got it" I smile to myself.

Omega fills 3 more vials - with one more to go - for a total of 8. "That's the last one" I say handing the empty vial to Tech who hands it to Omega. She grunts in frustration like she's trying to get at ipsium just outta her reach. I hear rocks fall and Omega yell "Tech!" Looking through the hole I see Omega hanging off the edge of the rock face and Tech trying to reach her. She slips and falls, Tech doesn't hesitate to jump down after her. I panic, "Tech!? Omega!?" I try to climb through the whole but without help it's pointless. "Tech!!! Omega!!! Can you hear me!?" I yell at the top of my lungs. Listening for a moment and getting no response, my heart starts to race. Grabbing all of our things and Tech's buy'ce (helmet) I cram it all into one pack and throw it over my shoulder - it's heavy... I try to run as fast as I can but my side is slowing me down. "Hunter...Wrecker....We've got a problem..." I try to comm them but I get no response. Looking down at the bandage I notice it has is becoming more and more red. "Osik (shit)...just...a little...Further" I start to feel woozy, falling to the floor of the tunnel. Attempting to drag myself, I yell for help but I'm not sure I can yell loud enough. Feeling myself starting to slip from consciousness, I pray to Maker Hunter can feel something's wrong...

————

Since Tech left, Wrecker and I have been trying to move as much of the fallen rock as possible. We stop and take a break for a second. I feel the air shift around me and look deeper into the tunnel. "What is it, Hunter?" I try to reach someone on comms, "Tech, Omega, Raven, do you copy?" There's no response just silence. Grabbing my helmet and my pack I race down through the tunnel, Wrecker hot on my tail. Shortly after I comm everyone again and this time I get an answer. Wrecker and I stop, "Affirmative" it's Tech. He continues, "We took an...unforeseen detour, but we are alive." "Whose we? Are Omega and Raven with you?" I ask hoping the answer is yes. "Omega is but Raven is not. We figured she would have gone back to get you." "Well she didn't." Now I'm worried. "We're going to look for Raven. Where are you?" "That is a good question. Stand by." Wrecker and I race through the tunnel. There's something in the middle of the tunnel on the ground a head. Racing over we find Raven face down with all of Tech and Omega's gear, including her own. "Looks like she bled through the bandage, Wrecker dig through the packs and see if there's another. We need to stop the bleeding." Wrecker does as he's told and I get to work, taking off her armor. Undoing the bandage, I use it to apply pressure until Wrecker finds me a new one. "Got one. Here." I wrap it back around her center tight. "She must have been trying to come for help. She'll be alright...she's tough" Wrecker tries to comfort me - which feel strange. "You carry her, I'll grab our stuff. We need to get to Tech and Omega" I tell him packing her armor into one of the empty packs.

Techs voice comes over the comms, "Hunter we found an alternate way out, but you will need to retrieve our gear." "We've got it and Raven." "Is she okay?" Omega asks. I try not to let my voice betray me, "She'll be fine. We are at the location you sent." "Good. Next you'll need to carefully scale down the narrow crevasse and descend into the aqueduct below. You will come upon us once the rapids eject you over the waterfall. But you must not compromise the mineral vials or you will perish." I sigh "Hang tight. We're on our way." Wrecker complains "You got to be kidding me! I hate this planet!"

————

Slowly blinking my eyes open, I'm staring at the ground. "What the??? Wrecker?" I think out loud. "Hunter, she's awake." He gently sets me down and I now realize we are in the tunnel where Tech and Omega fell. "Wha- what happened?" I rub my eyes, my head feeling groggy. He pulls of his buy'ce (Helmet), kneels in front of me, and puts a hand on under my chin "You bled through your bandage. I wrapped you back up but right now we need to get to Tech and Omega." The events from before I passed out start coming back to me. "We are going to scale down into the waterway below until we get to them. I need you to stay with me alright?" I nod still trying to orient myself, "Get me my armor." He helps me put it back on before turning to Wrecker, "I need you to carry the packs and the ipsium. I've got her." "Roger." Hunter helps me up "I need you hold onto me and don't let go." I slide my buy'ce (helmet) over my head and nod. He turns so I can grab onto him "Ready?" He asks. "Ready." We begin our decent down into the cavern below.

As we get closer to the waterway below, I notice how fast it sounds like it's moving. "Hunter...I don't think I'm going to be able to swim...that's moving fast." "Pressurize...your helmet...open your comm...you don't need to swim..." he grunts out. Wreckers drops down into the water followed by us...the minute Hunter hits the water, I can't hold on. The current sucks me under, I struggle against it to try to make my way to the top. Thank maker my helmet is able to seal itself off...but I still can't swim...I open my comm link "Hunter....I...Can't..." I pant out between pained breaths. The next thing I know I'm free falling over a waterfall. Dragging myself to the surface I see Tech and Omega. "Where's Hunter and Wrecker?" Omega asks. I roll myself onto my back grunting in pain "I was going to ask you the same thing..." The sounds of Wrecker screaming catches our attention, I lift my head up and see two figures drop into the water. "Found them." I continue to lay there while they reach the shore. "Nice of you to finally join us" I jest - Hunter shakes his head. Omega - who is standing over me - looks concerned "What happened?" I try to sit up but can't do it on my own, Omega props me up. The room is spinning and I quickly throw my buy'ce (Helmet) off before hurling. "Let's never do that again" I say once I've recovered. The boys get to work placing the ipsium, while Omega helps me to cover. The rest join us and Tech takes aim. "How come he gets to blow it up?" Wrecker complains. "If the shot is not precise, it will cause another cave-in" Tech explains before taking the shot. The wall blows, dust and debris rain down on us. After it settles we get get out of the mine.

Once we get back outside, Tech scans the area pointing off in the distance, "That is the spaceport, but there does not appear to be much activity." I sigh knowing we are going to have to walk a ways. "Well, there better be some chow there, because I'm sick of rations" Wrecker complains. Taking my arm off from around Hunters shoulder I start heading off in that direction. I hear Hunter behind me "let's check it out." Before they follow. Tech catches up to me, "I'm sorry about earlier. I spoke with Omega and it would seem we have worked it out." "Good." "Here, let me help you" He says putting away his datapad before putting one arm around my waist and using the other to put my arm over his shoulders. "When we reach our destination. I will see if there is a medical kit and stitch that up." "Vor'e (thanks) Tech." He hesitates for a moment like he wants to say more. "What's up Tech?" "I wanted to apologize for earlier...It appears I do not process things like loss the way the rest do..." "Tech, You don't need to apologize for that...I just can't stand seeing you guys bicker like that....I guess I kind of lost my cool as well and owe you an apology..." "No need. Your actions were not unwarranted."

We finally reach the spaceport - at dark - and I can't wait to sit down. After finding me a spot to rest, Tech looks for a medical kit. I slide my buy'ce (helmet) off before taking my armor pieces off. The others take a look around. "Where is everyone?" Omega asks. "It's abandoned" Hunter tells her. I glance around, "For a while, by the look of it." Wrecker sighs in annoyance "We came all this way for nothing!" Tech reappears with a medicate kit "Not nothing. I found a medical kit and I can send out a long range transmission with that array." "Get to work on a transmission. I can stitch Raven up" Hunter takes the med kit from Tech. "This is what? The second time you've had to patch me up" I laugh. He smirks and shakes his head. "This is going to hurt" he tells me. "I know, just do what you have to" I lift my tank top and start to unwrap the bandage. He cleans the gash before pulling out the needle and thread. He gives me an apologetic look. "It's fine. Just do it" I say looking up at the starry sky. He gently grabs my flesh and I suck in a breath, trying not to cry out in pain. When he finishes up I'm feeling dizzy. "I was able to get Cid" I hear Tech yell from somewhere off to my left. Hunter presses his forehead to mine, "I'll be right back." I close my eyes and hum a response, trying not to throw up.

Next Chapter

[chaosandthe-deadblog]

at some point im gonna doodle Band AU Shadow and Maria in the sweaters like goddamn i really love how you characterized them the trans chapter still makes me tear up, I like how you rolled with the idea of sexual dimorphism between female and male hedgehog Mobians too tbh, did any of that originate from Amy's old design by chance? How she had once had her quills spiked up but later it was changed to them being slicked down? (Personally I like the echidna-hedgie hybrid theory for her but your take on it is really neat!)

I also just love how you've characterized them all. I'm gonna be ranting a bunch and it's gonna be confusing a lil but like pls stay with me i just have the Big 'Tism so my brain go hugvyfcrytjkn

I enjoy having the whole thing be very plotless tbh, there's not enough of that in fics imo and it's the exact stuff I need a lot and I love that. I don't ever really feel anxious that, say, Maria is gonna suddenly die or some shit like that, or that some cataclysmic event is gonna suddenly happen. I like that, I've needed a lotta that honestly. I just love how you've written it so much,,

I am still curious about Shadow's past, though. Was he still genetically engineered? Is he still part-alien??? Does Chaos Energy even properly exist??? Is Gerald just A Guy who is a scientist and actually succeeded at what he'd wanted to do???? Seeing as it seems his "backstory" never properly happened, and they're in modern times, I presume Gerald would be still alive or something. Is Eggman there too???? /Is there potential that younger-Eggman exists and he's like a weird internet troll to the band or something????/ Perhaps jealous that his cousin gets to meet the "cool guys" and there's a very small and non-dramatic plot of Tails being like "ugh this guy again" and Maria's like "oh yeah thats my cousin!" and everyone's like "WHAT????"

There's just so much to explore with such a domestic take on these characters honestly, and I really love that. It explores parts of their characters that often don't get touched often due to how much they're always fighting or dealing with drama. It allows dynamics to be explored that are never really toyed with in canon. Adapting various pieces of the characters to a more laid-back setting is genuinely REALLY fun and you've done it so well I just,,, wawUUUGH,,,

I'm so interested to see what goes on with Knuckles too, since his whole story is seemingly so fantastical yet so easy to adapt to a more mature and "realistic" setting. Does he simply come from a culture that's often overlooked in this world? Is his inner compass about protecting his family name? Is he actually the last echidna in this world or are echidnas moreso simply a group that are marginalized in some way? I almost feel like him being someone who's struggled through, like, immigrant struggles would almost be a really interesting take on him as a character. He's quiet about who he is, where he's from, often keeping to himself, it's why he doesn't sing on his own and why he often is seemingly just... There. But Amy knows, she's one of the only ones who does know.

And maybe if Shadow still shares that "being made in a lab" past as his canon self, perhaps he and Knuckles could end up being friends if Shadow were to learn about his past. They could relate to one another's feelings of not belonging where they are, yet having strong drives to defend WHO they are.

(I've been reading a lot of immigrant poetry recently for class and because, despite not sharing those experiences, I still always feel like I relate to the general themes of them. I dunno why, but I always imagine Knuckles being the type to write stuff like that himself, since his whole story draws a lot from very real and serious sorts of topics that can be related to some of those real-life issues. I really like that about him, how it always seems that his story is taken VERY seriously and not downplayed. That's why I liked him in Frontiers, and why I know many liked him in Sonic 2. Just mentioning this all because that's my inspiration for even coming up with this idea)

Again I absolutely do not wanna seem like im hijacking your story! I just wanted to rant about characters because hmmmmng,,, you write them so well and give me many idea and I love that,,

damn you put so much more thought into this au than i did LMAO

ummm okay i'll take these one by one

first: the trans chapter, that is ABSOLUTELY what i wanted to do and i'm so glad someone picked up on it. I think male hedgehog mobians have their quills spiked up while female hedgehogs tend to have them drip down. That's why Sonic pre-transition tied up his quills! However, I do think Amy fucks with her presentation a bit in that sense, she still spikes up her quills (though i think, similarly to how there are short haircuts that are deemed femenine by humans, the same thing could apply to hedgehog mobians and their quills)

about it being plotless... aha. haha. im gonna be honest. i love drama. there WILL be some dramatic event, and there’s gonna be drama, but it's not gonna be sudden. i'll be sure to have enough build up so it hurts a little less. a little. but its gonna take a while. so dont worry about it :)

OKAY shadow's past. okay. yeah so. okay. everything is like a lot more normal and domestic than in canon, so the whole magic and powers aspect is... altered. similarly to how it is in pirate au, the characters still have some trait thats similar to their powers/abilities in regular canon (sonic raced in highschool and regularly goes on runs, for example). I think Chaos Energy and the chaos emeralds and all that stuff is the equivalent they'd have of mythology. some people believe it, some people don't. "chaos and the emeralds" is a name that came to sonic based on one of those myths.

so... about shadow. gerald is dead. old age. i'm gonna try to explore shadow's past on later chapters so i'll keep it to: shadow was adopted by and raised by gerald until the doctor died, leaving shadow in charge of finishing raising maria. (and also, i didnt take eggman in consideration for this au because... implications. but it would be funny if he was just maria's annoying cousin that both of them can't stand)

and about knuckles! yeah, it's pretty much the former! it'd be interesting if he was an immigrant or someone from an overlooked culture. and no he is definitely not the last of his kind but i do think where the gang leaves it's not THAT common to see echidnas. i don’t think i'll touch much on that because... well i'm very much white and very much live in my birth country so i am deeply unqualafied to write about immigrant struggles, but that's definitely the direction i'd love to go to for knuckles. also you didnt ask this but he's like a big brother figure to amy, they were childhood friends

i actually hadn't thought about most of the things you asked, and this helped me do some worldbuilding, so thanks a lot for the questions!!!

[sostanotes]

Owl House Pokémon AU

…or maybe Boiling Isle based Pokémon region? Either way, it was only a matter of time before my various brain rots starting trying to merge. I’m sure other people have done this before, but I wanted to give it a go.

I’m going to leave things a bit open-ended, so feel free to chime in with suggestions in the replies, tags, or comments.

My brain keeps bouncing around between “what if the Owl House characters had Pokémon” and “what if the Boiling Isles (and the tensions there during the show) were translated into a Pokémon game?”

At a minimum I want to give the Hexside Squad (with or without Luz) at least three Pokémon, because I think it would be fun to see them as an ever shifting set of double battle partners to face in 6v6 matches. So here they are in alphabetical order, with Luz at the end.

Amity: Her palisman, Ghost, is a white cat; Kantonian Persian is the obvious choice. Her favored magic is Abominations, which are purple goop; since she, in contrast to her parents, focus on a fairly pure expression of the abomination arts, I think Kantonian Muk works for that. Beyond these two, it’s a bit harder: due to her use of whips and tendrils of abomination goo, something like the water/poison Tentacruel or a bug type with string shot or sticky webs (Ariados to keep with her poison theming?); her above-gauntlets bring to mind a fighting type and the ability to fire them is reminiscent of moves like Gunk Shot and Sludge Bomb, so maybe Toxicroak; and, while she doesn’t use it often, we watched her learn a fire spell with a pink flame, so maybe shiny of the Magmortar line.

Gus: His palisman, Emmiline Bailey Marcostimo, is a blue chameleon; a Kecleon would be the obvious choice, either shiny (blue belly mark) are simply alternately colored (like the purple ones sometimes seen); His favored magic is Illusions; which makes either Unovan or Hisuian Zoroark a natural fit. He wants to re-establish contact with the giraffes so Girafarig would also be a great fit. Other Pokémon known for illusions in other ways include Noctowl and Stantler, which means Gus seems to specialize in unusual normal types.

Hunter: His palisman, Flapjack, is a cardinal; while there ARE red bird Pokémon, none of them are really anything close to a cardinal. Given his intelligence and talent for some sort of flash step or short-range teleport, maybe an Alakazam? Really Hunter is the one giving me issues pinning down much of anything.

Willow: Her palisman, Clover, is a bee; based on the prominent stinger, Beedrill could work, though Vespiquen and (as a bit more of a stretch) Ribombee (who is actually a bee FLY) are also possibilities. Willow is an immensely powerful witch with regard to Plant magic especially, so we want to lean into the Grass type; given her propensity for masses of vines, I think Tangrowth would be a good choice, though really any Pokémon that learns Vine Whip would work. She’s also quite buff, so a Breloom or some other Grass types that can learn Bulk Up would also fit.

Luz: We STILL don’t know what her palisman is at the time I’m writing this, so that’s a blank spot. I think a nice touch for Luz would be 4 Pokémon reflecting the 4 glyphs. For the Light glyph, the top 3 Pokémon in my mind are Lanturn, Ampharos, and Umbreon. For the Ice glyph, its Cryoganal; she learned it from a snowflake, after all. For the Plant glyph, while Luz does uses vines like Willow, she learned the glyph from, and often produces, FLOWERS with her glyph, so leaning into that with a Pokémon like Venusaur, Florges (learned as a Flabébé), or Comfey would make sense. Finally, for the Fire glyph, Luz leans more into the traditional orange fire, but also sometimes uses it just to make things hot; honestly, I think anything that screams “I am FIRE INCARNATE” would work for this.

[atendersun-archived]

Just a wittle PSA

Disclaimer: No, nobody did anything to preempt this, so no worries to anyone out there. It is more a sort of permission slip for any unsure writers out there on what to do about the Muu.

It is alright for muses to treat Muu like he is a "child". I will not behead anyone for any perceived ableism in that regard. In as much of a watered down version as I can offer, Muu is a developmentally and cognitively disabled muse who endured copious amounts of social and emotional trauma from those he looked to for guidance and companionship during the most formative years of his life-- therefore, he does hold a very juvenile manner of thought that one might find comparable to someone even below teenage years. Of his disabilities is AUTISM and with that comes the added challenge of being unable to really process out his feelings logically as is, because he is incredibly hypersensitive in that he FEELS his feelings rather than sort them via cognitive reasoning and internal monolog.

Whatever process one would traditionally use in an instance between two "average" in intelligence adults, I recommend throwing it into the trash. Especially due to the fact that while externally, Muu looks like this:

His inner pilot holds a better resemblance to this state of being when things are stressful / triggering (and go even younger when the instance is inappropriate in a manner he doesn't consent to, but that is a story for another time):

Indicators that any direction he is need of is on par with guidance offered to a younger demographic include, but are not limited to:

Consistent use of terminology such as "good boy" or the use of just "bad" to describe as anything other than what he believes proves himself to be in a positive light.

Be observant of comparisons being made and to what forms of media. For example, Muu has a consistent habit of describing the way he views himself as being the same bad level chart seen in Lilo and Stitch. Another example being his use of connecting his desire for comfort to how it is depicted in songs (Something Comforting) or films (Inside Out) while simultaneously backhandly applying the comment that he needs to earn those experiences through various methods of self improvement.

Lack of spacial awareness when upset-- mildly or otherwise. He often partakes in sitting in the laps of others no matter the age or size differences between them, because really all he is after is closeness and personal connection. As well as the fact that he may appear to be within proximity of having a fit / tantrum like behavior over not being able to receive the amount of affection when and from who he wants at the time. Redirection and distractions are completely advocated for in those instances. Do not allow his attitude to overstep even just once, because otherwise he will walk away having learnt that stomping his sunshine shoe wearing feet and whining are viable methods to get his way.

Methods I would personally suggest utilizing when it appears Muu is feeling and acting small:

It is more than alright to gently suggest he stop talking. No signing, no writing, nothing-- only listening. Think in a manner comparable to gentle parenting styles and I statements. I.e: I can see that your feelings are becoming perhaps too big to handle at this moment. Why don't we have a quick break to rest and rejuvenate ourselves, then we will talk, okay?

Indicate if any disturbances he has made can be resolved in minutes or days. As well as inquire the same on his end. That way there is a lesser weight placed on preexisting abandonment issues by giving his brain the opportunity to dive deep into thoughts centered on him making someone leave / love him less. Be honest, but do so with kindness and consideration. Expect nothing short of that for yourselves as well. He ought to learn he can't just get anything he preaches without speaking those same languages in his own interactions with people as well.

Provide permission and the promise of protection to cry. You would be surprised how quickly he can in fact bounce back if just given a moment to grossly sob things out without being hushed by shame. I can also state as a fact that really his driving force in life as the one and only thing he wants more than anything is to be held while he cries. He very much so is that same 16 year old boy who went days without his existence being allowed to be recognized as punishment for having feelings that were described as being "too big".

Hold his hand. Kiss him on top of his head. Offer a warm smile in his direction. Tell him you love him dearly. Speak tender. Call him by sweet names: baby, darling, little one. Anything really that can make a grown man with a heavy heart know that they were never too much, too small, or will ever be too big to be a huggable, lovable, and comforted always Muu-nchkin.

[podcastthings]

Hidden Brain: Red Brain, Blue Brain

Hidden Brain is a show on NPR that "explores the unconscious patterns that drive human behavior and questions that lie at the heart of our complex and changing world."

This episode was about the theory that whether you're conservative or liberal could be attributed to nature, i.e. you were born with it. (They're saying that maybe it's 30-40% genetic, it is not absolute)

Most people would say that they grew up believing in what their parents believed, whether it'd be religion, or in this case, political stance. So I guess it's interesting to see this idea that perhaps we naturally gravitate towards certain ideologies, lifestyles, preferences, etc., which embodies our entire being, including politics, which would then define us as conservative or liberal or somewhere in between. Conservatives tend to gravitate towards more rules and order, and liberals tend to gravitate towards experiential things.

Looking at the people around me, I will say that it is at least 80% true, although it doesn't necessarily define what sort of stance they would take on particular political issues. For example, my college roommate Ashley is someone that I will say is very orderly and has clear rules for her surroundings and daily routines. However, she tends to lean towards liberal on issues such as abortion (women's rights to their own bodies) or gay marriage.

Arthur thinks that political beliefs tend to have more to do with your upbringing and basically your experiences growing up. His parents are very conservative, but he grew up becoming very liberal. He attributes it to books he read on the 228 incident (for example) and other things on Taiwanese history. It's funny because recently we watched an interview with Freddy Lim that said he became interested in these issues because when he was in school, he never understood why there was not much Taiwanese history, and what they learned were mostly Chinese history, and that is exactly what Arthur had thought as a child, which sparked his interest in finding out more.

You can argue that he formed his political beliefs due to his experiences or the books he read, but I think you could also say that his natural tendency to question things and rebel against the "norm" is what caused him to have interest in those materials in the first place.

In this episode they also discussed that sexual orientation didn't used to be considered biological, but now that it is, people are more tolerant of it. I suppose this is one step towards being tolerant of someone who holds opposing political beliefs as you, and working towards the greater good? Although I don't see this happening any time soon. It was recently the presidential elections in Taiwan, and all I really saw was the parties attacking each other on various issues, lawl. Will I live to see the day?

Then Arthur and I went off on a tangent of, what if political beliefs were indeed mostly genetic, then if you have a dictatorship, the leader could "cleanse" the race of rebelling beliefs to make sure that all of your people's beliefs would allign with that of the state. Then I mentioned that people who were too afraid to die would probably just pretend they held the same beliefs, which is something that already happens anyway, so there is no real way to "cleanse" the population of differing political beliefs. Anyway, just a thought.

[humansun]

25 years :)

Written Tuesday, May 23rd at 3:08PM

Learning to be a people pleaser for myself is extremely difficult. I am still figuring out how to do this. It means listening to what I want, and doing it, with the same amount of effort and love and care as I do for everyone else in my life.

That also means being disciplined enough to do it, because I would do it for others. 

Some things I wanted to word barf is a few thoughts that have been on my mind about society and the future. Climate change is happening and it shows up in nearly every conversation I have, because it is inevitable.

The world is dying. And the craziest part of this is that we haven’t even been here this long! I know we’ve been through worse things as a global community, but it’s only going to get worse. Every issue we’re ignoring, the more we support JP Morgan/Chase. Fossil fuels will keep burning, electric vehicles won’t solve everything, and in addition, we have AI coming for our feet.

It’s a wild world we live in. I just saw today the robot dog that’s coming out..for..police? Something along those lines. I’m not exactly sure what the world will come of with all of these new technologies and developments in climate change, but it’s affecting my perspective on whether I want to have kids.

I think I want to stop publishing my writings because I am terribly afraid of judgment and I’m scared of people thinking my thoughts are silly or stupid or they don’t make sense in some kind of way. It doesn’t entirely matter because my life isn’t running on my blog, my life is running personally and if I decide to write on this document or on paper itself.

Anyways, this past weekend was my 25th birthday celebration with various groups in my social circle and it was therapeutic and refreshing. The most helpful takeaway from this weekend was learning to have tech cleanses and take the time to prioritize living for me. I think the reason why I love my birthday so much as I’ve gotten older is because it’s a specific day for me to claim all my time and determine exactly what I want to do it with it, instead of being dictated by what I believe I should be doing. (Often times, it is a task for somebody else.)

I want to take this away and apply it to my daily life when it’s not my birthday. I want to spend many of my days dedicated to me and determining what about it is going to be mine, because I will be in control of how that day will be ran.

I understand that each day of my life can’t be like this due to my role and duty in my family, friend, and community circle, but having a nice balance of making myself happy is a powerful technique I’d like to practice from now on.

The desire to reach out to Lacy and Jing have been pressing my head down, but I no longer want it to be in a negative way. I want to figure out how it can motivate me long term to doing what I want to do. I want to prioritize writing casually as well as spending time being creative. It’s really difficult being creative. Like super. I get easily zoned out of doing the task itself and it could be because how I’m doing it is not right for me. There’s a chance I might be better at storytelling with drawing or visualization versus writing it. There’s a chance the writing would come afterwards. 

Just ideas! Just brain barf. Word barf. 

I am determined to get out of my own head and stop comparing myself to people because I think that is an example of an obstacle getting in my own way. And I want to prioritize my life and what I’m doing!