#and it reminds people that i am in fact disabled. so there's that

[scorndotexe]

god i cannot wait to use my cane again i always leave it behind when traveling where i think it will really get in the way but i regret it every single time. i think my cane is just necessary at this point

[devotedlystrangewizard]

growing up being very much someone many people couldn't get along with for extended periods of time intersects so insanely with aromanticism because sometimes im so confident in my identity as aro and other times it just becomes "is this a defense mechanism because i cant imagine anyone actually willingly living with me"

[nathaslosthershit]

Unremarkable (LN4)

(Part 2 of the Blind Items series)

Summary: Blind Items returns again to ruin yet another happy couple's peace. This time, Lando Norris and his ‘unremarkable’ girlfriend.

“Lando, have you seen this?” his girlfriend asked, showing him the tweets. When they had soft launched, she got a small dose of what it would be like to be the WAG of Lando Norris. But even when they hadn’t known anything about her, some people still had been so mean. Now that they knew she had a ‘commoner’ job, they had started tearing her to shreds. ‘How could someone so rich and famous go for such a plain girl’ was what so many people had said. 

“Oscar showed it to me today. I am so sorry, honey, I was hoping that you wouldn’t have seen it. Those people are absolute asses, love.” He probably should have said something earlier but he knew how hard she would take it. While she had joked in the past about the differences in their jobs, especially the pay, he knew she felt insecure about it at times. 

“The thing is, I didn’t see it. Not at first. I only saw it when I heard one of my students talking about it in class today. Can you even imagine how humiliating that was for me? Hearing my own students who I have done nothing but be kind and understanding to, trying to get them to love learning, talk about how awful it is their favorite driver is dating someone as boring as a teacher.” She couldn’t stop the tears as she went on about the situation. He wouldn’t understand, he couldn’t. She knew Lando had his moments of insecurity but nothing like this. At the end of the day, he still had hundreds upon thousands of fans who loved him immensely. 

Even if he couldn’t fully understand, it still broke his heart seeing how much it hurt her. Sure, he hadn’t ever thought he would date a school teacher either, but that was mostly due to his previous lack of appreciation for school. But being with her has changed that. His girlfriend could always make things interesting. She loved to spout history facts on vacation and it always made him so deliriously happy to see how giddy she was to learn new things. 

Seeing her now though, so visibly upset made him realize this wasn’t something that could slide easily. His PR team might not love it but he wasn’t going to just sit there and let her feel terrible about herself.

“I’ll fix this, I promise.” He said quickly as he left. He shouldn’t have left her alone and crying, but he was fuming and decided he needed that anger to let his message out. 

landonorris

Liked by oscarpiastri and 153,137 others

landonorris I don’t know who this gossip page thinks they are but the last thing I will tolerate is someone hiding behind a screen telling the entire world that my girlfriend, who I love more than life itself, is ‘dull’ and ‘unremarkable’ because of her job. This is a woman who is smarter than 99% of the people I have ever interacted with, someone who spends so much of their time trying, and succeeding, to get kids to love learning. Even as someone who didn’t appreciate school as much as they should have, I would never have once thought school teachers were any of the negative things you have said. Luckily, here I am, happy with my amazing girlfriend who deserves the entire world, and I know I will spend the rest of my life trying to give it to her. 

Comments have been disabled

A few minutes later she came into the room, tears still staining her cheeks.

“Thank you Lando” she said as he motioned for her to sit on his lap. 

“I can say more if you want? I definitely think I could have cursed them out mor-” He was cut off with a kiss. The sheer force of it caused them to bump heads a little, which then caused them to break apart giggling. “I’m serious about what I said. I don’t know what I did to get someone as wonderful as you but I am not going to let some assholes on the internet make you upset over something so incredible. You should be proud of what you do and I will forever work to remind you of how amazing you are.”

“I love you, Lando” was all she replied.

“I love you more”

“Please can we not play this game you know I love-”

“Nope, la-la-la-la I can’t hear you over the sound of me loving you soooo much” He said as he covered his ears.

Such a dork, she thought.

[copperbadge]

how did u psych urself up to go to therapy? my executive function has been awol for like 2 years and it's gotten to the point where it's wrecking my ability to do anything. i'm scared to waste a bunch of time and money going and getting told i'm just lazy or that the problem is just me

Happy to talk about that! But this is really two issues, so I gotta do a fly-by real first on "scared of getting told I'm just lazy". :D

It sounds to me like you're aware intellectually that laziness isn't the issue. You know this is an executive function issue and not a personal flaw, but I definitely get that it's hard to internalize that. So I'm going to drop links here to some discussion of "laziness":

How do you know you're not just lazy? (ask sent to me -- it's long, but you can skim for the laziness bits if you want.)

Lack of motivation means you are avoiding pain (second ask in response to the first)

Laziness Does Not Exist by Devon Price

These are essentially my proofs when I want to remind you that laziness is a label that stigmatizes an innate behavior -- inability to act is real, laziness is not. If a therapist tells you that you are lazy, and ESPECIALLY that you are the problem, you should fire that therapist. Don't even stay the rest of the session if you don't want to, just say "I see we are not compatible," and bounce. I don't think the odds are high that you'll encounter that, but on the off-chance that you do, that's a bright neon sign that they're a bad therapist.

In fact I would open with that pitch: "I'm struggling with executive function and the self-perception that I'm really just lazy. I need help with the actual executive function issues but also with how I view myself because of them." The therapist's response will tell you a lot about whether they'd be a good fit.

So with that out of the way...

I eased myself into therapy with the speed of a small child entering an extremely cold lake. It helped a lot that all of my therapy has been virtual via Zoom, so a lot of stuff that would have been a barrier, like going to the physical appointments, discomfort in a strange space, etc. were swept away.

I didn't even want to see a psychiatrist for my Adderall prescription, but I knew I needed help and medication seemed to be my best option, so with the assurances of several people that it wasn't therapy so much as mental health maintenance, I saw a psychiatrist. And he was lovely! (I just met with him yesterday to go over my next few months of scrip.) For a while that was all I did: talked every month to a kind person who asked specific and measurable questions about my mental health -- mood, sleep patterns, ability to work, hobbies -- without getting especially personal. I thought, okay, I can handle this, I can probably handle more, so I asked him for a recommendation for a therapist.

He looked at the network of independent practitioners he belonged to (Clarity Clinic Chicago, if you want an example of a good network) and found me a couple of options. I got extremely lucky to find someone I felt was appropriate for me right out of the gate, though some of that was also knowing what criteria I had: I wanted someone who explicitly stated they specialized in adult ADHD and disability, and who seemed like they were interested in addressing a whole person and not a single issue. When we met she seemed nice, wasn't pushy or judgey, was familiar with spoon theory and disability activism because she also has ADHD, and didn't blink (or ask overly invasive questions) when I said I was very uneasy about therapy because of past experience. She was comfortable with the ambiguity I brought -- I basically said "Look, I think this is something I need but I'm not entirely sure what my goals are yet, it's just I only recently found out I have ADHD and I am rethinking a lot of stuff," and she was like fine, let's rethink it together.

It still took me a long time to start talking about anything meaningful, but she handled the non-meaningful stuff as if it was serious and important, which helped. Admittedly I have really good insurance so I pay $20 a session for therapy, which also helps; it's pretty negligible in terms of health costs for me. I can afford to dawdle.

So, all that said...my path may not be an option for you, but I think it indicates the kinds of options you have. You don't have to jump into serious and heavily emotional processing first thing if you don't want to. You can shop around for therapists and you can drop any bad ones you encounter speedily, or if you find one you immediately like you can still spend time getting comfortable before dropping into the heavier stuff.

I would suggest that if you have a prescribing psych or doctor for any kind of mental health meds, ask them if they have a recommendation. If you don't have that, ask around people you know or believe have access to therapy and see what they think. If those aren't available to you or you're uncomfortable with that, I'd do a search for licensed therapist and your health insurance, or see if your workplace has an employee assistance program that can recommend you someone.

Good luck! I hope you get what you need. Lord knows I've been there.

[relatableblorbopoll]

Round 1 of preliminaries, group 11

The first two places get a place on the bracket

Little reminder: there will be 2 more rounds of preliminaries, the losing blorbos of this poll still have 2 chances of getting in the official bracket

Propaganda under the cut

Mae Borowski (Night in the Woods)

"Spoilers! She's a college dropout in her early twenties, who suffers from untreated mental illness and dissociation and had a complete breakdown at college, causing her to come home. Now she's living with her parents again, but life in her dingy little hometown went on without her. Her friends are adults now - in a relationship and planning on moving to the big city, or having to waste away in a dead end job instead of following their dreams. Mae is the only one without a new adult role in life. She's not great with people either - she's blunt and often doesn't think things through, and in many ways just doesn't get the world of adults. She's also prone to petty crimes and general anarchy. She's kind of lost and purposeless, and trying to find meaning in life by desperately clinging to the past. Her decision to drop out of college probably saved her life, but it's also put her family in a tough financial situation and is viewed by most people as her just thoughtlessly doing whatever she wants. She's also kind of shamed a lot about not having a job or other productive role in life, despite the fact that her untreated mental issues are actually disabling for her. She also plays the bass real bad. Anyway, i love Mae a lot. Playing this game as a college dropout in my early twenties, sitting in my childhood bedroom in my mom's attic, back in my dingy little hometown, desperately missing my old friends who have all moved on to better, resposible things in life... yeah, it felt like the game was pointing dead at me. Given tumblr's general demographic, i figure i must not be completely alone in this"

Shigeo Kageyama / Mob (Mob Psycho 100)

"autistic. likes milk. if we reach a certain level of emotion we turn into a psychic bomb. cool brothers :)"

Barry the Quokka (The Murder of Sonic the Hedgehog)

"Their only skill is working the microwave, they're non-binary, when seeing a trash bin their first instinct is to look through it, they're always the most normal person in the room, they can beatbox, and they were only hired due to being the only one who applied."

Kaveh (Genshin Impact)

"In a fantasy world, be a guy with a regular profession losing his goddamn mind. Poor guy has a guilt complex, (so true) and a lot of deep embarrassment regarding his life.(ehe) He just wants to do what he's passionate about but capitalism is evil and also he keeps getting scammed. Claims to not want anyone to know Things, goes into depth about these Things anyway. Is probably most definitely gay. Can be found face down on a table lamenting his fate. Terrible sleep schedule. (HA) He is such a guy. Wants to believe the world is a good place and people are inherently good. And wants to help people and do good himself. It's just hard. [And he has a roommate. Oh my god he has a roommate]"

"He was, and still is, regarded a genius. He aced his Akademiya days, he has the admiration and appreciation of so many people because he is oh-so remarkable. But what for, when reality is that he sits at home depressed and with guilt consuming him, faking the image people have of him, not only broke as fuck but actually in debt, drowning his sorrows in wine."

Yusuke Kitagawa (Persona 5)

"highschooler who wants to spend the rest of his life doing what he loves. is obsessed with art and beauty and it's on his mind 24/7 received help from his now friendgroup to break from his abusive foster father who he still have complicated feelings with had to move into school dorms and am struggling to live independantly since he'd rather spend money and time on his art but he's still surviving and enjoying the good times id say also ends up saying whatever is on his mind and is pretty eccentric. very passionate about what he loves. doesn't want to do anything else."

Nanami Kento (Jujutsu Kaisen)

"Ex-salaryman, now jujutsu sorcerer. During one life-and-death fight, kept talking about how it was almost six pm with is when he is getting off work at 6pm no matter what because he hates overtime. While his opponent repeatedly almost kills him. Normalest adult in this shonen anime. Teen MC: "Let's go all out!" Nanami: "No. Where moderate effort will suffice, use moderate effort." Some of his quotes from the anime: "I studied at Jujutsu Tech and one thing I learned is that Jujutsu Sorcerers are shit! Then I worked at your typical company and one thing I learned is that work is shit! If both are equally shit I'll take the one I'm more suited to." "You've faced several life-or-death situations, but that does not make you an adult. Finding more fallen-out hairs on your pillow, watching your favourite stuffed bread disappear from the convenience store... The accunulation of these little despairs is what makes a person an adult." "I don't praise or disparage anyone. I adhere to facts and judge on that basis. That's who I am. There was a time when I mistakenly believed society operated the same way." "

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for being upset that my boyfriend of 3 years doesn't remember our anniversary even though i know he has adhd? ☕️☕️

I (26 W) have been dating my partner (32 M) for over 3 years now. He is officially diagnosed with ADHD and I am currently waiting for my own diagnosis for ADHD. He got diagnosed shortly before we got together and he has opened to me about how insecure he is over his disabilities causing a rift between us since all his previous relationships end with his partners leaving after they "get tired of dealing with his issues" because he also has autism and has been rude before in regards to my weight despite knowing that i am recovered from an eating disorder and this is the context in which his insecurities were disclosed to me. I also don't mean rude like accidentally, he literally put his hands on my stomach and said "what is this" after we had already had several Big Fights in regards to his previously rude behavior. For further context, I told him on our second date that I have a strict boundary around food and my weight and would appreciate it if he kept comments about my body weight or how much i eat to himself because it's triggering for me.

I try to be mindful of his limitations but recently, he asked me if he had forgotten our anniversary. This wouldn't bother me as much if it wasn't our third anniversary coming up in a couple of weeks and if I hadn't repeatedly told me over our time together the exact date of our anniversary. Now, I don't expect him to remember dates off the top of his head. I struggle with that information myself but what I DO hold against him is the fact that he KNOWS he forgets things and doesnt make ANY effort to have a failsafe against that. I put everything in my phone and he WORKS in tech so he knows how easy it is to set a repeat event with reminders nowadays so I don't understand why he can't just fucking figure out how to remember our anniversary without constantly making me be the one to remind him. I have told him exactly this and asked him why he didn't write it down over the last 3 years if he knows he's bad with dates. he said "that's a good point" and that was that. Now, he keeps trying to manipulate the information out of me by asking me when I'm like half asleep because he "thought i might slip up and just tell him."

Am I in the wrong for being mad over this? it feels like he doesn't care enough to do the bare minimum of being in a relationship with another person. I've dated others before with ADHD and it's never been a fucking issue before for them to remember our anniversary. I myself put in the effort when I care about someone to do the bare minimum and write down information I want to remember about someone. I just don't understand why I feel so guilty over getting mad about this when I feel like I have every right to be upset because it's not like I haven't been forthcoming before, it's not like i haven't repeatedly told him over the years and he puts in birthdays to his calendar so like why doesn't he care enough to put our anniversary into it? He wants to marry me but I dont want to spend the rest of my life reminding him to care enough about me to remember things like my birthday, our anniversary or my eating disorder.

But I also know that expecting people with ADHD to remember things is kind of an ableist move and I don't want to start an argument where I'm being a dick to his disabilities. So WIBTA if I decided to make this into a big deal because it is for me knowing my partner has ADHD and cannot help being so forgetful all the time?

What are these acronyms?

[breaking-binary-system]

So, especially with it being disability pride month, I've noticed something more and more: A lot of people, disabled and able-bodied, give a TON of hate to us ambulatory wheelchair users. So, I decided fuck it let me tell people a story about one.

There was this boy. He grew up with a disabled father and a mother who had a ton of chronic pain. He could see the effects. By the time this boy was 5, his father walked full time on a cane.

When he turned 11, he started suffering from severe debilitating leg pain. To the point he would miss school for days and would spend all day every day sobbing his eyes out from how severe it took, even after taking the max amount of ibuprofen and Tylenol he could. He eventually got into seeing a rheumatologist out of fear it was something rheumatology related.

For 6 years, the boy was constantly in pain and the most he would get told is "well your double jointed that's why you have this much pain, just go do physical therapy". That never helped him. When he turned 17, everything changed.

He went to go see a different doctor at this office, one he had to wait years for since she saw adults and, well, 17 was just close enough to be tolerated. She looked at his blood tests and did a physical and came to a realization.

"It's not that you're double jointed, you have rheumatoid arthritis. It's why your shoulders grind, they lack cartilage now from years of this disorder. Let's do our best to treat it"

That started a year's worth of trial and error before she finally decided to give the boy an immunosuppressant that had worked for his father who also had the disorder. He wasn't cured but, quickly, his symptoms started to go away more and more.

This boy, from the age of 15 on, had to use mobility aids frequently if not all the time. It started with a simple cane and while it helped, his hands couldn't take the pressure on his nerves. So, he tried a walker. And that helped too. Forearm crutches were best to get him still able to have some ability to walk. He found something that made his life a lot easier however.

His grandfather had a multitude of issues, many of which required him to have a wheelchair before he passed. So, his grandfather made it known that any mobility aids the boys father didn't use, the boy was more than welcome to have. So, he decided one day to try and use the wheelchair.

Suddenly things were so much easier. He couldn't walk all the time yes and he didn't need the chair 24/7 but it meant that when his POTS was acting up or he was in a arthritis flare up, he could use a wheelchair and still be mobile. It changed his life. However he wasn't free from shame and hate on how he shouldn't use one.

He was told repeatedly it wasn't that bad and he was being dramatic and was taking away from people who actually needed them. This boy was 18. He had a disorder that was seen as an "old person" disorder. His body was literally attacking itself. And here was a ton of people attacking him for needing a wheelchair or, if he was in a store with them, a mobility scooter.

This boy took months of steady therapy to be willing to even go in public with the wheelchair again. A lot of it took support from his boyfriend and his father who encouraged him and reminded him that it was OKAY to use a mobility aid, even if he didn't need it 24/7.

If you haven't caught on now don't worry, I'll just say it. I am that boy. I still need reminders from my boyfriend or my father that it's okay to need my wheelchair and I'm not stealing anything, my body has day's of different intensities. Take today.

I thought all I would need is forearm crutches and I'm typing this in my wheelchair and I feel a lot better now that I've used it since, due to the fact this chair is meant to be sat in for someone with a disability not just a regular every day chair, my legs are feeling a shit ton better.

My left knee has been in an awful flare up for about a month and a half at this point. Today it got unbearable so I just sat in the wheelchair my dad keeps at his job for me. I can move now without wanting to cry.

This is a really long post and I'm not entirely sure why i started it to be honest, blame the whole "oh yeah I have a CDD" and the fact that, well, I've been diagnosed with ADHD, specifically attention deficit part.

Something I wanna end this long post on. Don't think just because you saw someone walking yesterday or even 10 minutes ago and now they're in a wheelchair that they're faking or something. Shit can change in a matter of MINUTES.

[sheydgarden]

a reminder

i haven't been posting much here in a few months. part of that has been work-related - putting a lot of my time into illustration projects that i can't share, & also doing a lot of prep for a local Hanukkah market i both co-organize & vend at (which happened this past weekend). i tend to use this space as a sort of less-formal gallery, only posting work i consider "finished" or reblogging things related to projects i'm involved in. in the past i've been more talkative & more apt to share WIPs & personal things on my other social media (Twitter, Instagram, Bluesky), which is still true even though i've had to take several steps back from some of those platforms lately for my mental health.

all this is to say that if you only follow me here, you haven't seen me make any kind of statement about the crisis in Israel/Palestine, because that isn't how i've been using this particular site. i do not think of my art as apolitical & i am not secretive about my politics, but over & over again, i find myself followed by people who appear to be shocked to learn that i am proudly & actively anti-Zionist. i have been for my entire adult life. as a Jewish artist making visibly Jewish work, this puts a target on me, not only from garden-variety antisemites but also from fellow Jews who feel "betrayed" by my solidarity with Palestine & threatened by my vocal opposition to colonialism, apartheid & genocidal violence (as well as the very idea of ethnostates). in fact, the harassment & abuse i receive online is primarily from Zionists, which is not something i would have ever expected with so many white supremacists & neo-Nazis crawling all over the current internet!

so, this is just me cleaning house now & again. i don't feel the need to post signs shooing away folks who should be getting that message very easily from my work (if you hate queer, trans, fat, disabled & Jewish people i truly don't know why you'd follow me), but it's very easy for Zionists to see much of my Jewish-focused work & decide they like it, only to turn verbally abusive when they realize i don't share their views. here's your sign! if you want to bail, do so quietly & civilly like an adult please. thank you.

[cripplecharacters]

hey, that ask about vitligo reminded me - i used to date someone with vitiligo (who struggled with it) and they'd see representation AS fetishisation, since in their mind the recent "widespread acceptance" of vitiligo (eg. in ads) was just some people's "sad attempt to convince others they're more tolerant than they really are". What do you think about that?

Hi, I do get the sentiment, but I don't fully agree with it. [Disclosure, I have a facial difference but not vitiligo specifically].

The recent "boom" in vitiligo representation is largely shallow marketing and often a poor attempt at being inclusive of people with disabilities and facial differences. The media just found the one facial difference that able-bodied people are "fascinated" by and exoticized it to death in order to make them look better. It's not for us. It's a way to seem accepting while cherry-picking the most acceptable representation, because god forbid there was also someone that read as more "obviously disabled/deformed" in their make-up ad or whatever. The way that vitiligo is usually presented is often obviously objectifying; it's like models who have it ARE their vitiligo and don't have anything else to offer, media will often just result to calling them "model with vitiligo does xyz" rather than, IDK, by their own name. They're not treating the people as actual human beings, so the whole basis of "being inclusive" falls comically flat.

TLDR; vitiligo representation is just the marketing's world hilariously exclusive attempt at checking off the disability inclusion box while still making sure it's the abled audience that's comfortable and aesthetically pleased (because god forbid they weren't). Like, sure, I am glad that they're showing vitiligo as something that shouldn't be hidden, but they're also sending the opposite message to all the other visibly disabled people whose disabilities aren't as "fascinating" to the mainstream, despite the fact that we are all in a similar position and form a community together. It's all about them and none about us.

There's a reason you're not seeing people with neurofibromatosis or severe burns in these mainstream "body positivity! show yourself!" campaigns. They're too much, and the able-bodied audience doesn't like that. People who boast about how "inclusive and accepting they are" don't extend that to everyone, it's only for those that they deem attractive and exotic, as close to an able-bodied, conventionally beautiful person as possible but with something "new" so that they feel good and inspired. It's othering on the very basis of it, and it's a sentiment hardly unique to disability acceptance.

With that said, I don't agree that all representation is fetishization. Huge chunk of it is, sure, I just wrote a mini essay on that. But I think that saying that as a general statement is doing a disservice to both models who are trying to pave the way for other disabled models in the industry and spreading awareness, as well as creators with vitiligo who just want to see themselves in their own work.

Those are my thoughts on this, I'm very much not an expert. Just what I observed in my own life and what I have previously read from FD community members who do have vitiligo

mod Sasza

[skellseerwriting]

Pirates and Prejudice (and Dragons)

James Hook x GN! Dragon Rider!Reader Part 3

Pt.1 pt.2

Here’s the not-apology apology chapter!

Reader is disabled (prosthetic foot) and I am not disabled, so if anyone who’s reading this is please let me know if anything is written weirdly or wrongly

Word Count: 2,162

Warnings: Descriptions of phantom pains, some slight hurt/mostly comfort, romantic tension, mentions of injury, reader feels conflicted

Content: Hook starts avoiding reader, reader starts experiencing really bad phantom pains, someone arrives to help them, who could it be?

It was daunting, how little changed yet how big that change meant. Most of life went on the same, but the little differences meant everything.

Hook and his friends stopped bothering you. In fact, you hardly ever saw them. Maybe it was just because they would go out of their way to pick on you before, but it made it almost seem as if they were avoiding you. Which, yes, was nice, but that also included Hook.

Now, whenever you saw each other in hallways or on school grounds, he would practically move as far away from you as possible. Even in class he would try and take the seat farthest from yours. And every time, his face would look a stressful combination of fear, guilt, and some secret, third thing.

You hated it.

You hated seeing him avoid you when all you had wanted when you first met was to be friends; or acquaintances on good terms, at the very least. You despised that look that happened to share too much resemblance to pity, which was something you grew to hate since your injury. The way he almost tiptoed around you created an irritable, unscratch-able itch. His treatment of you was as if you were fragile; that if he got too close you would break. Well, if it continued, you weren’t sure how long you would last until you actually snapped.

An annoying side effect from all the stress were the phantom pains. Whenever they happened in the past you would go for a fly. School still being in session prevented that.

It’s not that the nurse didn’t understand your condition; She had in fact told you to go to her to sort out exceptions of attending class when needed, bless her heart. No, the reason you were determined to grit it out was because you were worried of rumors. If word got out of you skipping class, regardless of how valid the reason, you knew the social consequences of it.

You would not let people think you were weak.

You were not weak.

Grinding your teeth together out of pain, you told yourself that excusing yourself to the restroom near the end of class right before free period didn’t count. Nobody would be able to tell anything.

Still, it was hard.

You had went to your usual spot at the courtyard fountain, limping badly and starting to sweat over the feelings of pins at your ankle. It had never been this bad before. The only time it had been worse than this was during the recovery process a few years ago. As time had gone on, you forgot what that felt like. Pain surged through the area again, reminding you.

Massaging it was an option, but you did not want to do it out in the open. You felt vulnerable, open to the world. Your dorm was also so far away from here, just thinking about the walk made your foot feel worse.

Clenching your hands on your legs while trying to breath steadily, you continued to keep your eyes closed. Shut everything out.

 There is nothing around you but open air, you told yourself. That breeze you feel in front of you? That’s the wind hitting your face while flying on Beastie. The splashing of water behind you? A coursing waterfall you were flying close to. The person sitting to your left? They-

You opened your eyes.

No. Not him.

Anyone but him.

An extreme surge of pain occurred again. You couldn’t keep a still face and made a near-silent cry.

You knew he saw that and you hated it.

“Go away, please.” You whispered, doing everything in your power to not look at him. He only made it worse, being the source of your current stress and anxiety.

You sensed no movement.

“Hook, please.” you pleaded. “Please leave me alone.” You needed him to leave. One of your worst moments was on display and he was just watching. He could hear your tears even if he couldn’t see them, and he could definitely see you left shoe shaking uncontrollably. Why hasn’t he left?

A hand placed itself on your shoulder.

“Are you having phantom pains right now?” He asked softly. Surprised at the care and quietness in his voice, you looked at him. His face and his eyes held none of what they had before. There was no fear. There was no pitiful guilt. There was just endearing worry, along with that secret, third thing.

You nodded your head, fingers gripping the tough sides of the leather gear strapped onto your pants.

“Can I help you?” He whispered, head tilted closer to yours.

Part of you jumped at the question, desperate to say yes. The other part, unfortunately, was terrified. This man... This- pirate of a man, walked a tightrope in your mind between someone to avoid at all costs… and someone you were far too eager to get close to.

What would happen if you said yes? As sincere as he sounded, what if he was lying? Up until recently, all his cares towards you were to make your life miserable. What if he intended to get close to you just to hurt you at some farther point ahead? Your heart would surely break more than anything else.

But what if he meant it? What if he could help you in all the ways you needed, not only just now, but in the future? Would you finally find that solidarity you had been seeking? Ease of not feeling different here? Would he do that for you? Become that important to you?

Would you become that important to him?

You dwelled on that for a moment longer. Hook started to look nervous, perhaps wondering if you didn’t want him there after all. He wouldn’t have been surprised after everything he had done to you. Then, you said something to him.

“What?” He asked, thinking his ears had betrayed him. You gave him a tiny smile.

“Yes.” you breathed. “I said yes.”

His eyes crinkled into little crow’s feet, and that alone made it worth it to say.

Before even asking or telling him anything, he brought his right hand off your shoulder and turned away slightly, only to turn back a few seconds later with something shiny in his palm.

“This is my hook.” Ah, he was trying to distract you. Of course he knew that technique, since he would deal with phantom pains himself with his own hand. Although if you were being honest, him sitting inches away from you and sharing your air probably distracted you more than anything else. He was so close.

Smiling, you began to trace the little garnishes and engravings at the cylindrical part.

“It’s very pretty.” You told him plainly, focusing on the design instead of your foot. “Did someone make it for you?”

“Not exactly.” He said with an air of mischievousness. “I stole it from a famed prosthetics-maker during a long trip to the east.” Something about the way he said it made you think he was fibbing, but you let out a giggle nonetheless when he grinned at you- like he knew that you knew. “Want me to get a pretty foot for you?” He asked with a wink.

“Only if it matches your hook.” You joked lightly, not letting him have one over you with that last remark. Surprisingly, Hook started to stammer a little bit while turning pink.

Laughing, you shove his shoulder a little with your own. “Relax, I’m just kidding. My current one is fine the way it is; I can’t value appearance over durability and stability with my occupation.” He seemed to accept the answer, still flustered.

“Mine’s made of steel. So it has both strength and lightness.” He told you.

“Really?” You asked. “It looks rather heavy.”

“Here.” He said, setting it in your open hand. Wow, it was really light. “Can’t have my enemies be besting the greatest pirate captain of the seas.”

You snorted, running your finger over the metal curve. You swore you saw him shiver at that. “I find that hard to believe.”

Leaning closer, he said “You ride dragons. I thought you of all people know that we aren’t limited by our youth.”

Hearing the word “dragons” sent a jolt through your leg and you grimaced. Like hearing the cause of its loss was enough to make your foot feel it again. You’d almost forgotten about the pains now, and now they felt like they were starting to come back.

“Don’t say that.” You told him quietly, looking at his too-close-face so he could look in your eyes and understand that you were being serious.

“Say what?” He asked. His eyebrows scrunched upwards and his eyes filled with worry. You take a breath.

“The creature you just mentioned.” You told him with honesty, then looked dow again. “It’s making it worse right now.”

Realization must’ve clicked immediately in his brain because he moved his left arm into you field of view, showing his wrist without the hook that he took off earlier.

“I got mine eaten clean off by a crocodile.” He said, then gave a silly smirk. “It was my fault, really. I was being an idiot boy when I was fourteen- no, thirteen. A couple weeks after was my birthday and my mum gave me the hook for when I fully healed.”

You grinned; he had fibbed when he said how he obtained the hook. Glancing at your still shoe, you told him “I lost mine when I was thirteen too. My class was learning by watching our instructors handle a vicious one. Things got out of hand -quite literally- and next thing you know, due to some wicked sharp claws, I was out of foot.” You laugh a little at your joke. In the rare occasion you told someone what happened, you loved making the pun. Some laughed with you, some didn’t, and most looked at you like you were crazy. You didn’t let that bother you though, it was your trauma so you got to joke about it however you liked.

“I shouldn’t say I’m surprised.” Hook said. “I thought it might have something to do with dr- with those creatures. At least you get to tell people you lost it to one of them; how cool is that?” He ended excitedly.

You shrugged. “Most amputees from my home lost them the same way as me, so it’s pretty common to me.” Side-eying him and nudging his side you told him “I’ve never heard of stories of people losing limbs to crocodiles though, so I think yours is much cooler!”

He beamed a little. “Really?”

“Yes.” You told him. “Why would I lie to you, Hook?” He bristled a little.

“What’s the matter?”

“Oh,” he waved you off with his hand. “Nothing really, I guess I didn’t expect you to call me that.”

“What? Hook?”

“Mhmm.”

“But… that’s your name?”

He looked into your eyes; his own moving back and forth between yours due to being so close. At some point you two had shifted closer and your legs were now touching.

“Hook,” He began slowly, moving his tongue around in his mouth to get the words right. “Is the name associated with the pirate. The Villain Kid. The bad person. All of which I’m completely fine with! Despite what others say or think, I’m happy with who I am. But-“ he softened his voice and leaned closer again. Much, much closer. “Hearing you call me by that name makes me feel like you only see those things. I know that’s not completely true,” he added, whispering “I just feel this ache in my heart when you say it. I don’t want you to call me that.”

Despite feeling your heart lodged in your throat, you managed to get out a “What would you like me to call you?”

A “hnn” came out of his lips and you couldn’t help by look at them. “Call me James.”

“James.” You said, testing his name on your tongue. His eyes went wild when you did so.

“Yes, darling?” He whispered. You leaned closer.

“I- “

The tower bell rung. Students started streaming out of doors and into the courtyard. You both jumped back. Then, H- James gets up.

“Meet me at the entrance after school.” He told you.

“Why?” You quiz, now blushing, holding up his hook for him.

He put it on then grabbed your hand before you could lower it.

“Because,” his eyes twinkled, now bowing at the waist. “I’m going to take you on an adventure!” And with that, he pressed a chaste kiss to your knuckle and walked away before you could even process what this charming boy had just done to you.

Extra:

Hook: Um, guys? Remember how Scarface said they wanted a peg leg?

Hook: Well… turns out they have a prosthetic foot…

Everyone:…

Maleficent: You’re such an idiot

Part 4

[puckpocketed]

i just hate when players do this and people call them “warriors” i know you wanna play in the playoffs to help your team but YOUR FINGERS ARE LITERALLY BROKEN MY GUY THEY COULD NEVER GROW BACK TOGETHER THE RIGHT WAY im crying

my poor cringefail wifes i love them all so much i hope they all take the rest they need

GOD I hope they get rest too :((

breaking soooo much character right now to give my fullest take, and it’s that we can hold multiple ideas in our minds and i don’t think they conflict

playing through injuries is terrible.

They are whole adult human beings and professional athletes who have resources to keep them informed about long term consequences, and they still get to make those choices even if we hate the choices they make. Even if those choices drastically reduce the length of their career. Even if those choices end with long term heath complications.

i might lose some people on this one but i don’t care!! it’s what I believe: being disabled or chronically ill/injured/in pain is not a death sentence. it is not the worst thing in the world. people live full and happy lives whilst also being disabled. can it suck for the person living through it? yes. absolutely. but to me, people are not and never will be defined by how able-bodied they are!!!

All of this is true (to me) and also we can still condemn the circumstances that cause them to make these choices. (culture of not wanting to be seen as soft, the normalisation/valorisation of playing through injury, all the other [gestures wildly] forces at play that set athletes up to make these decisions) Like i’m sorry to get political but choices do not exist in vacuums. sports does not exist separated from hegemonic models of masculinity or capitalism. there are so so so many reasons a player might choose to harm themselves by playing through injury and not all of them are noble or valid, some of them are stupid and informed by bullshit!!! and we should be mad at that bullshit!! because it’s awful!!!!

these are their jobs, and i’m talking in the sense that they are performing labour and i think labour laws and workplace health and safety must apply here too. I think we have to start talking about these things in terms of workers rights, in amongst all of the compassion we have for them as players. there’s the pressure to perform due to contract status and salary bonus milestones; there’s team doctors having direct conflicts of interest, a monetary and cultural incentive to look the other way when clearing people to play; there’s the plain fact of the best possible safety equipment (cages/bowls, neck guards, cut resistant protective gear) not being mandatory; the blatant denial of CTE coming from the league itself. there’s a lot. and it’s a workers rights issue, not just a moral one. someone will play through xyz because of the culture, because of the pressure, and they will die from it.

EVEN STILL. there is beauty and narrative resonance and something compelling about it all, and I don’t want to deny that. as someone looking from the outside in, sports captures people’s hearts because of these narratives. sacrifice and teamwork and triumph — we have an appetite for these things. I am never going to sit here and deny that I feel compelled by it (which is simultaneous to the anger, the fear, the deep deep well of “i’m sorry you have feel you have to do this”) This appetite I/we as a society have for pain — unpacking it and addressing it is a whole other conversation and I am not qualified to have it. I’m just going to acknowledge it exists because I think pretending it doesn’t would be dishonest of me.

we are allowed to feel fucked up about all of this. call it parasocial, call it entitled, call it inappropriate, i don’t know!! we are people and knowing other people are in pain tends to fuck us up — and as much as I try to keep a healthy distance from these celebrities, as much as I remind myself they’re strangers, I care when they’re hurt because I’m human.

anyway. YES OUR POOR CRINGEFAIL WIVES 😭🤲

[gayaest]

dude you drew it ages ago but the motorized wheelchair design with the arcade claw game in it made me nearly cry in public. every time i think about it i go insane. its the exact level of unrealistic design i've always wanted to see mobility aids in fiction have. it's not the only design of yours that makes me happy like that but it was the first one that really stuck with me because you rarely ever even SEE power chairs, let alone ones like that. i know its sort of silly to thank someone for their art as though its like, a personal gift to Me or whatever, but seriously. thank you for drawing that, and thank you for continuing to draw cool unrealistic mobility aids. you're awesome.

This makes me really happy!!

I’m currently really ill, on antibiotics, pain meds etc, so please bare with me if this makes no sense haha.

Hearing from so many disabled people truly is such a big deal for me, it’s truly my sense of community and I wish I could interact with everyone much more than I do. I’m glad my contributions can cause strong positive emotions, and make people think about designs and accessibility or whatever just from one of my silly designs.

While I love drawing realistic mobility aids — there has always been a pushback from (often able-bodied) people in fantasy settings about adding accessibility or disabled people into their genre, and if i’m able to help people think of cool and unique ideas to make them want to actually try — that’s the greatest thing I could hope for.

I don’t have a lot of “community” IRL. In fact, I talk to only 1 person, who is my partner and caregiver. I have them and no one else. I don’t know how to make a community even though I so desperately want one.

But comments or asks like these reminds me that I am not alone, what I’m making doesn’t just affect me, it affects so many more people. It reminds me that there IS a purpose to what I’m doing even if i feel like i’m wondering around with no goal in sight.

I guess what I’m saying is that what I draw definitely makes me feel like I have some sort of purpose….

Thank you so much for liking my art, I’m so glad I can give you art that makes you feel positively.

[dadzawa-abc]

. . caregiver incoming. . . 📨

☁️ Hello, my name is Aizawa. But you can call me Shota if you wish to do so.

💤 my pronouns are he/him, and he/him only

🌾 male + Bisexual + r/s will not be public 🔒

🌙 osdd fictive. This is NOT a roleplay account. Dehumanizing me will get you an immediate block and ignored.

☀️ I am an adult, but the body is a minor.

🌕 A disabled Caregiver (source + bodily). I do not age regress. I am a babysitter and a caregiver to most, if not all of our littles.

🪐 I am not a permanent caregiver to anyone outside of the system currently.

🌕 | i am a SAFE-FOR-WORK caregiver. I have never, or will ever, use my caregiver role for inappropriate intentions. I'm a caregiver because: 1), it reminds me of my students in my source. It makes me happy. 2), it makes me happy to take care of children and littles. 3), I immediately take a fatherly role to any little who comes up to me, and my intentions do not push farther into boundaries. That being said, if you come into my blog with the intention that I am a nsfw caregiver ; either by liking, reblogging, commenting, going into my inbox or messaging me, your comment will one, be ignored, two, blocked. And depending the content of the situation you will be reported. I am SFW. And it will never change. So if you're anything but a SFW little, you aren't welcome here.

🌕 | i do not Kink-shame. However, I am allowed to express my feelings on things when it comes to ageplay. If a group of people who are adults, ignore the fact that the body is a minor and continues to interact with my blog with nsfw intentions, yes I'm allowed to express my feelings about it. And if it comes to the point of making sure littles are safe from their accounts, I will not be silenced.

🌕 | I am open to babysit littles. (Doesn't matter age, gender, etc). Before messaging me please ask me in my inbox first to see if I'm available to babysit. (Or) check my account bio. Usually I update if I'm able to babysit or not. So before you message please make sure beforehand.

🌕 | I accept all petnames. You can use any petnames on me that you seem fit. The most I get called is "Dadzawa", "dad/daddy", or "papa"

🌕 | This is a Safe space for: age regressors (who are minors and adults) regressors who are older than 35+, pet regressors who are older than 35+, Screen readers, venting (you can vent in our inbox or DMS. Please be specific if you'd like your vent to be public on the blog if you vent via inbox. If you don't want your vent public, I won't public the vent but I will read it.), TRAUMAGENIC systems, sourcemates, alters who's source is considered "problematic", furries, therians, trans people, LGBTQ++

🌕 | this ISN'T a safe place for: Endo "systems", varieties of nong-traumatic "systems", proship, ageplay, nsfw littles who are "sfw", meanies, trolls, fakeclaimers, bigotry, terfs

agere advice,

agere positivity posts,

Vent responses,

Reposts,

Etc

🍉 I stand with Palestine 🍉

[hushed-chorus]

Hi everyone and thank you for the tags @cutestkilla @thewholelemon @roomwithanopenfire! I wanted to reblog and gush but tumblr won't let me WHY WHAT'S UP WITH THAT?! But be assured I am so stoked to see more of what you're all working on!

Here are some sentences from an upcoming chapter of Those Glowing, Magickal Years.

“Are those dogs?” I ask. “No,” Ebb says. “Those are paindeer. What the bloody hell are they doing here?” “Paindeer?” I don’t like the sound of that. Not at all. “They’re dark creatures. They’re like muntjac deer, but they cause mischief.” I have no idea what a muntjac deer is, but I don’t tell Ebb that. “They break things, steal, and eat everything.” “Then why are they called paindeer?” “Because they’re a pain in the arse, Simon!” 

(Also thank you everyone who tagged me in the ask game, not taking part because I'm unsure my answers will be interesting *cough* I'm busy with a puppy)

Hello tags and some personal thoughts on TGMY below the cut.

@artsyunderstudy @facewithoutheart @raenestee @cutestkilla @ivelovedhimthroughworse @larkral @stitchyqueer @you-remind-me-of-the-babe @ileadacharmedlife @confused-bi-queer @aristocratic-otter @whogaveyoupermission @nightimedreamersworld @fatalfangirl @thewholelemon @onepintobean @shrekgogurt @theearlgreymage @martsonmars @blackberrysummerblog @orange-peony @valeffelees @j-nipper-95 @rimeswithpurple @wellbelesbian @imagineacoolusername @youarenevertooold @iamamythologicalcreature @supercutedinosaurs @alexalexinii @bookish-bogwitch @cosmicalart @bazzybelle @theotherhufflepuff @that-disabled-princess @prettygoododds @mooncello @noblecorgi @roomwithanopenfire @emeryhall @monbons 

It's been a hell of a fortnight, which has shaken up all my self-doubts and insecurity regarding TGMY. Like, is this a dumb idea? In a fandom with so much fanon, will me building my own vision of the Watford era be unwelcome or seen as arrogant? For example, having no DeNiall and giving them my own invented surnames? Or will I bother someone with my own interpretations of how magic works, or how pre-CO canon events went down, or what creatures like paindeer might be like? But I also know I don't care when someone else does that (in fact I love other people's interpretations of this stuff) and this is just crappy brain self-talk. I'm writing this fic because I enjoy it. Give me power, give me strength, and please give me a decent night's sleep

[spot-the-ableism]

to set the record straight, as I have zero things to hide.

[IMAGE ID: a tumblr post by user crippled-peeper, it is a reblog chain of 3 posts. It reads “accuses me of “race faking” because I talked about being a refugee from Katrina checks my bio again first line: white man” next reblog reads “idk what’s more fucked up, that these bloggers are named “spot the antisemitism” or “ spot the ableism” or the fact that they are so racist and ableist they think the only way a white person could be a refugee is if they’re making it up” next post reads “ “you can’t be a refugee and disagree with me!!! Everyone knows that I am the arbiter of who is and isn’t a refugee as someone who lives in a gated community in the USA !!! Don’t you know I RUN A BLOG?!?!?” The tags read “#I’m so glad other people are im agreement that these kids are actual clowns not to be taken seriously at all” END ID:]

I never said or insinuated that you were not a climate refugee, nor that you were a racefaker

above is proof, I have not edited the posts nor want to. You have the reblogs to prove I in fact did not edit anything.

the things you are claiming I “did” were things that spot-the-antisemitism did and said.

intracommunity ableism is still ableism, hate speech against both Jewish and other disabled people is not okay, you can be both completely totally right to call out spot-the-antisemitism’s ableism and commit hate speech against random Jewish and disabled people. You can do both, nuance exists.

me calling you out on harmful behaviour and inciting hate speech is not a bad nor immoral thing I’d hope you would do it to me.

Link 1

Link 2

Link 3

Link 4

if you are mad at me swearing at you may I remind you that you have committed way worse acts of hate speech and yet I gave you benefit of the doubt. People are allowed to swear at people.

i have said you may be having a horrible time right now due to medication troubles and that people should not harass you regardless. And that they should keep in mind that you have been through a lot and do not want harassment. I do also humbly apologise for swearing it was wrong of me to and not conducive to anything helpful.

if anything I have been way too forgiving, what you have said to many well meaning and non-ableist/normal disabled people has been utterly vile and yet do I use that against you? Yet do I say those same things towards you? Yet do I mean to hurt or harass you? No.

I live my life, you live yours, I care about you enough to actually call out people who do wish to hurt you. I shouldn’t, but I do. If you return my very calm and sincere response with the same energy and hatred that you usually do it is not in good faith.

you are having a hard time, a hard time always. And I do not wish to contribute to that. But I cannot stay silent and let others be hurt by what you do and you say. Words do effect reality, there are people behind these screens and I am one, and I am writing this sincerely.

again why am I ableist when I was the one to in fact call out and hold spot-the-antisemitism accountable, and explain why it was bad? I spotted the ableism, simple as that.

I am no wimp, or coward if you wish to call me horrible things I am proud to Bare it.

As I do with all things.

sincerely a disabled person who was told way worse things than this over the course of my childhood.

if you do say "KYS" or any variation of it I will be reporting you.

as that. is. hate. speech. and violent speech which. is. not. legal.

I have not discriminated against you nor malgendered you, I have only sweared at you at the worst (and called out that fakeclaiming and spewing violent hate speech is unacceptable), if anything I have been on your side on most of this.

this comes from a place of love, not hatred.

[rollercoasterwords]

tried to read wfrau as i saw people rec it, but there's something bothering me in that fic. i don't like the alpha-male-ification of remus in wfrau. remus is not a beast who can fight another beast werewolves. he was a timid, sheltered boy in canon, but it's like you're making him fit into the fanon toxic wolfstar heteronormative box. it feels weird to read. please don't make me start on why it seems like you hate sirius OR use sirius as a self-insert to indulge in your fetishization of remus. like why do you write sirius as abused, when it was canonically remus who was disabled. can you consider rewrite some points in the fic, aligned to canon?

lmao where do i even start with this. uhhhhh okay first of all to answer your question - no, i will not be rewriting to make my non-canon-compliant fic more compliant with canon. if you don't like it, i suggest you don't read it! i'm not writing the story for you, and i'm not really sure why you think it would matter to me whether you like it or not. there are plenty of other fics out there that you can go read.

this fic was explicitly written to be a werewolf-fighting ring au. if you don't like remus fighting other werewolves, then i'm baffled as to why you even started it in the first place, considering that it's clearly tagged "werewolf fighting ring." i don't agree with your interpretation of canon that he was a "timid, sheltered" boy; even if i did, this fic is specifically exploring how the characters would be different in an au, non-canon-compliant version of their world. if the gay romance between two men is too heteronormative for you, there are, again, other fics out there that you can read. and if you don't want to read about "toxic" relationships then u DEFINITELY shouldn't read this fic, because none of the relationships in it are wholesome and healthy lmao. if you think i hate sirius...i don't even know what to say lol. like yeah i hate him so much that i've written hundreds of thousands of words of fanfiction about him. that checks out! and remus is fetishized in this fic for being a werewolf, which is a topic that gets explored in-depth in his pov chapter and is not something condoned by the narrative. i'm assuming you didn't read that far, though, and that what you mean by "fetishization" is the fact that sirius finds him sexy. so. again, i think you probably should just not read this fic if characters being sexually attracted to each other bothers you. i write sirius as being abused because that's the story i wanted to tell; not really sure how remus being canonically disabled is something that would cancel that out? those are two separate things. and remus's canonical disability is his lycanthropy, which....also exists in this fic. and is another topic that gets explored throughout the story.

in conclusion i truly cannot emphasize enough that i am not the person out here reccing this fic, i am not trying to grow an audience or go viral or any of that bullshit. not sure where you got the rec from, but i have actually asked people not to post about my fics on tiktok to try and avoid them blowing up there, because i do not want people like you reading them. i include an entire warning on the first chapter about the fact that this fic is dark and deals with heavy topics; i've tagged the fic thoroughly and have also included "additional tags to be added" to remind people that it's a wip and things are subject to change. all this is to emphasize -- i really, really, really don't care if any person reading the fic dislikes it. i don't care if they dislike it so much that they have to stop reading, because i don't care how many people are reading it in the first place!! i'm writing this story purely for fun, for myself, so i'm going to write what i want to write. even if you intended for this message to be polite, it just comes off as incredibly entitled to ask a stranger on the internet to spend hours of time and labor tailoring a story to your specific tastes, and if you think this type of message is okay to send then i think you should genuinely sit down and reevaluate the way you approach fandom. nobody is making you read fics you don't like, so just....don't read them.