#and its the whole thing that pissed me off and terrified me from the start!!! my own fucking life IS BEYOND MY CONTROL

[mostlysignssomeportents]

How plausible sentence generators are changing the bullshit wars

This Friday (September 8) at 10hPT/17hUK, I'm livestreaming "How To Dismantle the Internet" with Intelligence Squared.

On September 12 at 7pm, I'll be at Toronto's Another Story Bookshop with my new book The Internet Con: How to Seize the Means of Computation.

In my latest Locus Magazine column, "Plausible Sentence Generators," I describe how I unwittingly came to use – and even be impressed by – an AI chatbot – and what this means for a specialized, highly salient form of writing, namely, "bullshit":

https://locusmag.com/2023/09/commentary-by-cory-doctorow-plausible-sentence-generators/

Here's what happened: I got stranded at JFK due to heavy weather and an air-traffic control tower fire that locked down every westbound flight on the east coast. The American Airlines agent told me to try going standby the next morning, and advised that if I booked a hotel and saved my taxi receipts, I would get reimbursed when I got home to LA.

But when I got home, the airline's reps told me they would absolutely not reimburse me, that this was their policy, and they didn't care that their representative had promised they'd make me whole. This was so frustrating that I decided to take the airline to small claims court: I'm no lawyer, but I know that a contract takes place when an offer is made and accepted, and so I had a contract, and AA was violating it, and stiffing me for over $400.

The problem was that I didn't know anything about filing a small claim. I've been ripped off by lots of large American businesses, but none had pissed me off enough to sue – until American broke its contract with me.

So I googled it. I found a website that gave step-by-step instructions, starting with sending a "final demand" letter to the airline's business office. They offered to help me write the letter, and so I clicked and I typed and I wrote a pretty stern legal letter.

Now, I'm not a lawyer, but I have worked for a campaigning law-firm for over 20 years, and I've spent the same amount of time writing about the sins of the rich and powerful. I've seen a lot of threats, both those received by our clients and sent to me.

I've been threatened by everyone from Gwyneth Paltrow to Ralph Lauren to the Sacklers. I've been threatened by lawyers representing the billionaire who owned NSOG roup, the notoroious cyber arms-dealer. I even got a series of vicious, baseless threats from lawyers representing LAX's private terminal.

So I know a thing or two about writing a legal threat! I gave it a good effort and then submitted the form, and got a message asking me to wait for a minute or two. A couple minutes later, the form returned a new version of my letter, expanded and augmented. Now, my letter was a little scary – but this version was bowel-looseningly terrifying.

I had unwittingly used a chatbot. The website had fed my letter to a Large Language Model, likely ChatGPT, with a prompt like, "Make this into an aggressive, bullying legal threat." The chatbot obliged.

I don't think much of LLMs. After you get past the initial party trick of getting something like, "instructions for removing a grilled-cheese sandwich from a VCR in the style of the King James Bible," the novelty wears thin:

https://www.emergentmind.com/posts/write-a-biblical-verse-in-the-style-of-the-king-james

Yes, science fiction magazines are inundated with LLM-written short stories, but the problem there isn't merely the overwhelming quantity of machine-generated stories – it's also that they suck. They're bad stories:

https://www.npr.org/2023/02/24/1159286436/ai-chatbot-chatgpt-magazine-clarkesworld-artificial-intelligence

LLMs generate naturalistic prose. This is an impressive technical feat, and the details are genuinely fascinating. This series by Ben Levinstein is a must-read peek under the hood:

https://benlevinstein.substack.com/p/how-to-think-about-large-language

But "naturalistic prose" isn't necessarily good prose. A lot of naturalistic language is awful. In particular, legal documents are fucking terrible. Lawyers affect a stilted, stylized language that is both officious and obfuscated.

The LLM I accidentally used to rewrite my legal threat transmuted my own prose into something that reads like it was written by a $600/hour paralegal working for a $1500/hour partner at a white-show law-firm. As such, it sends a signal: "The person who commissioned this letter is so angry at you that they are willing to spend $600 to get you to cough up the $400 you owe them. Moreover, they are so well-resourced that they can afford to pursue this claim beyond any rational economic basis."

Let's be clear here: these kinds of lawyer letters aren't good writing; they're a highly specific form of bad writing. The point of this letter isn't to parse the text, it's to send a signal. If the letter was well-written, it wouldn't send the right signal. For the letter to work, it has to read like it was written by someone whose prose-sense was irreparably damaged by a legal education.

Here's the thing: the fact that an LLM can manufacture this once-expensive signal for free means that the signal's meaning will shortly change, forever. Once companies realize that this kind of letter can be generated on demand, it will cease to mean, "You are dealing with a furious, vindictive rich person." It will come to mean, "You are dealing with someone who knows how to type 'generate legal threat' into a search box."

Legal threat letters are in a class of language formally called "bullshit":

https://press.princeton.edu/books/hardcover/9780691122946/on-bullshit

LLMs may not be good at generating science fiction short stories, but they're excellent at generating bullshit. For example, a university prof friend of mine admits that they and all their colleagues are now writing grad student recommendation letters by feeding a few bullet points to an LLM, which inflates them with bullshit, adding puffery to swell those bullet points into lengthy paragraphs.

Naturally, the next stage is that profs on the receiving end of these recommendation letters will ask another LLM to summarize them by reducing them to a few bullet points. This is next-level bullshit: a few easily-grasped points are turned into a florid sheet of nonsense, which is then reconverted into a few bullet-points again, though these may only be tangentially related to the original.

What comes next? The reference letter becomes a useless signal. It goes from being a thing that a prof has to really believe in you to produce, whose mere existence is thus significant, to a thing that can be produced with the click of a button, and then it signifies nothing.

We've been through this before. It used to be that sending a letter to your legislative representative meant a lot. Then, automated internet forms produced by activists like me made it far easier to send those letters and lawmakers stopped taking them so seriously. So we created automatic dialers to let you phone your lawmakers, this being another once-powerful signal. Lowering the cost of making the phone call inevitably made the phone call mean less.

Today, we are in a war over signals. The actors and writers who've trudged through the heat-dome up and down the sidewalks in front of the studios in my neighborhood are sending a very powerful signal. The fact that they're fighting to prevent their industry from being enshittified by plausible sentence generators that can produce bullshit on demand makes their fight especially important.

Chatbots are the nuclear weapons of the bullshit wars. Want to generate 2,000 words of nonsense about "the first time I ate an egg," to run overtop of an omelet recipe you're hoping to make the number one Google result? ChatGPT has you covered. Want to generate fake complaints or fake positive reviews? The Stochastic Parrot will produce 'em all day long.

As I wrote for Locus: "None of this prose is good, none of it is really socially useful, but there’s demand for it. Ironically, the more bullshit there is, the more bullshit filters there are, and this requires still more bullshit to overcome it."

Meanwhile, AA still hasn't answered my letter, and to be honest, I'm so sick of bullshit I can't be bothered to sue them anymore. I suppose that's what they were counting on.

If you'd like an essay-formatted version of this post to read or share, here's a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/09/07/govern-yourself-accordingly/#robolawyers

Image: Cryteria (modified) https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:HAL9000.svg

CC BY 3.0

https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/deed.en

[bluerosefox]

Gothamites Never Really Rest

Small warning in this: very light swearing, light mentions of deaths, and tw light touching on the subject of abuse, like very light. But still an fyi.

Danny was used to his main Rogues (Boxy, Ember, Skulker, etc etc, you know those guys) showing up randomly and at odd hours, causing some chaos around town due to their own boredom or just wanting some fun (the more deadly ones were rare to show up and his main Rogues do at least respect him enough to give him the rest of the day off when they sense a ‘big bad’ fight), he fights them, wins, before he send them back to the portal. Then they rinse and repeat this for the next day.

So as he really wasn’t expecting, especially since he had just sent his ghostly quota for the day back to the portal a few hours ago (Boxy of course, and Youngblood (dressed as a Firefighter this time, though the ending for their fight actually ended on a good note. YB had been asking Danny about space, Danny kinda hoped YB will be an Astronaut next time cause that would be fun)), Johnny 13 (and Shadow) to phase into his room as he was heading to bed.

Honestly (he groaned when he realized who it was, dealing with Johnny, Kitty (and Shadow) during a ‘break up’ or ‘lovers spat’ always was a pain) he was expecting Johnny to just start attacking but before Danny could demanded to know what he was doing in his room Johnny hesitatingly asked if they could talk.

Now Danny, talking to his main Rogues, like legit talking was a very rare thing. But it has happened a few times.

With Johnny asking if they could talk, his face nervous but not in a 'I pissed off Kitty and idk where she ran off to again', Danny nodded and agreed.

"Hey, so like I know we all kinda agreed not to go roaming too far from Amity because of the whole government suits guys and bringing unwanted attention to us ghosts in the names of the Super Dorks but is it alright if Kitty and I head across the state for a few days? I promise we'll be back and stay under the radar..."

"What?! Why would you guys need to something like that?!"

"....."

"Johnny, look dude I know Amity can get boring sometimes but-"

"Someone killed Kitty's abusive waste of space father three weeks ago, you know that fucker that killed us in cold blood when he found out Kitty and I were enloping. Yeah him. We felt it, we felt him die and... kid I can tell you how our cores SANG about it when he croaked. Whoever ended him, they did so for us. It was a revenge kill... It felt amazing. Its why you havent seen us too, we... we needed time to process that." Johnny quickly explained and that shut any protest Danny had up, he knew a bit of the story how Johnny and Kitty died, and it was respectful to allow one's fellow ghost to talk about their deaths should they talk of it.

With a melancholy smile and a hand petting a chirping Shadow who sprung up to comfort his other half, Johnny then said "Kitty's been avoiding returning to Gotham for ages since we woke up in the Realms and whenever we found a natural portal back to it. She's always been terrified of running into him and even being a ghost she's still can't. But he's gone now, we felt his life end and he isn't a ghost either! Like legit, if he became a ghost we'd still be able to sense our murderer you know!... Anyways she wants to visits her old haunts and maybe see if we can find some old friends, see how they're doing you know. We won't mess with them or anything, just a small pop in..."

"We... We also kinda wanna find the guy who did it too... We could feel his emotions when he ended Kitty's old man and firstly let me tell you, rage. Like a lot of it. But also we felt his need for justice and... he felt familiar... like someone we knew and he knew us. That's how we know it's a revenge kill. Someone did that for us and well.... Kitty and I wanna thank him you know."

-x-x-

Meanwhile in Gotham about three week prior.

A budding Crime Lord had crossed out the face of a older man from a photograph pinned onto a corkboard, below and connected by red strings was two other papers as well. One held the newspaper clipping of two bodies being found in a ditch with the remains of a busted up motorcycle, a young male and female were reportedly found halfway buried in it. The male was reported to be a trouble maker from Crime Alley, knowen for stealing tires while the female was the daughter of a suspected mob boss.

The other string however, lead to a small, yellowed from age and tiny bit damaged photo of three people. The photo held two older, nearly out of their teens, male and female both looking like rough city street kids. A motorcycle could be seen behind them an it was missing a wheel. The young man with blonde hair was kneeling on the ground, his hands holding onto a tire iron and he looked rather proud, the young female was wearing red and had some dye in her hair and was smiling as she held the camera taking the picture in a selfie as best as she could.

In between the two was a young kid, blue eyes and black hair, a beaming smile on his face as his own hands were on top of a tire wheel. A wheel he had finally learned how to take off in record speed thanks to Johnny teaching him.

Green eyes that shifted for a second to teal stared at the photo for a moment before saying

"Hope you both are resting easily now. Kitty, Johnny."

[normansnt]

Knight in shining armor

(Hazbin Adam x singer!male reader)

(Not my art, idk whose sorry I got it from pinterest but credits to the artist cuz he would SO wear that I cant😭)

Warnings: fist fight

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"FUCK YEAAHHHHHH THATS MY BOYFRIEND MF" yelled Adam to a random person at your concert.

He always did that. Whenever he went to one of your concerts (always, I am not kidding the man has not missed a single one) he yelled to every one of your songs because he knew them inside out and after each song he yelled to someone that you're his boyfriend.

It was sweet in your eyes he was truly your number one fan. However on more than one occasion this has gotten out of hand. Like right now.

Sometimes people get annoyed at his yelling even though it is a rock concert he is still the loudest one. But this time it was different. This time something happened that actually bothered him.

He was yelling about how much he loves you and how you are his boyfriend again when he overheard something that he didn't like.

"For real? That gorgeous singer is dating that flop no fucking way."

"I know right? I gotta say I wouldn't mind hearing the singers voice moaning my-" Adam didn't wait longer to hear the end of the sentence he straight on punched that guy.

"I fucking DARE you to finish that sentence." Adam literally growled. Even though this was heaven, assholes were present here too.

The fight got so big that you had to stop your performance and stop it.

"Adam- Adam stop" you tried to get your boyfriend off of the two guys who he was now fighting.

"Let me go babe, I'm gonna fucking murder those two mother fuckers-"

"Adam, they already had enough you won." You tried arguing with him while you dragged him to your dressing room. The two guys laying on the floor beaten to pulp.

Once you closed the door, the ruckus outside got just a bit quieter and you could finally take a deep breath.

"What happened this time?" You asked your boyfriend while getting the first aid kit and patching him up. He was much better of than the other guys thats true. But he still had some scratches and a black eye.

Adam told you the whole story of what happened and you listened intently while gently putting some alcohol at a deep cut on his nose.

"And then I was like- aww fuck babe warn me next time" he started whining because of the alcohol.

You sighed.

"Listen Adam, I appreciate what you did, those pigs said some disgusting shit and you were a great knight in shining armor but I worked really hard to get this gig and you know that" you said trying to be as gentle as possible.

"Babe, your boyfriend is the fucking Adam, tell me where you want to preform and you'll get in within seconds I can take care of that."

"I know Adam but I really wanna accomplish some things on my own." You sighed again.

Adam knew he fucked up, he sees first hand how much work you put into your music. But he just couldn't help it this is the kind of thing that pisses him off to no end. His first two wives left him for someone else and even though he might act confident he was terrified that you would leave him, too. He didn't want to loose someone he loved so much.

You put your hand on his cheek and made him look at you.

"Hey, its ok I understand." Thats all you needed to say. You knew about Lilith and Eve leaving him. And you knew how insecure he actually felt. You have been dating for almost 6 years now you knew him way too well.

You kissed him to let him know that you weren't mad. He kissed back with enthusiasm, he loved kissing you. It might be true that he has kissed a lot of people before you came along but he always said that you were his favorite kisser of all time. He just loved the feeling of your lips against his.

"(Y/N)...I- listen I mean what I said really, wherever you wanna play I can hook you up."

You chuckled lightly. You knew this was the closest thing you are gonna get out of him as an apology, the man was not good at apologizing. But you already knew that, and loved him nonetheless.

"I know honey I know." You put your forehead on his.

The wholesome moment was interrupted when you both started hearing chanting from outside.

"Is that-?"

"THEY ARE CHANTING YOUR NAME BABY COME ON GET YOUR BRETTY ASS OUT THERE"

And there he was again, your stupid boyfriend.

You laughed an snatched up your guitar.

"All right baby you wanna watch from back stage?" You asked back as you held out your hand to him.

"FUCK YEAAHH"

And with that you two walked out of your dressing room laughing.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

HE IS JUST A STUPID LITTLE MEN HELP I LOVE HIM SM IDK WHY😭😭

Hope you guys enjoyed😘~

[bangchansgirlsblog]

Sweet Angel 👼

Part one:

Has to re-write this

-🩷

**

The clock was ticking. Her heart was pounding as she sat outside the principals office. She said a small prayer because she knew the trouble she was in. She knew this was going to be a good day.

“Y/n. The principal is ready to see you,” Candice, the school receptionist, called for her. She gulped and looked over at the lady. She was tall and had a mini skirt on. Her blouse was see through but no body complained because quite frankly everyone enjoyed the view. She was a hottie after all.

“Goodluck,” Candice said before Y/n could even step into the office. She needed it in order to stay calm and stay collective.

Her shaky hands opened the wooden doors and the smell of fresh books and coffee filled her nostrils as she took a step inside.

“Y/n, please take a sit,” His voice was loud but not scary loud more like loud for no reason loud. Y/n never liked the way he yelled. It was always hours of a lecture that she didn’t give two shits about because she knew she was going to get into trouble again but get away with it anyway.

“Goodafternoon Mr.Zang,” she smiled politely before taking a sit and looking straight at him. It was almost like she was taunting him, making him look like some type of clown.

“Alright let’s cut the crap young lady. We’ve called your brothers in,” her whole body went cold. Her breathing picked up its pace and her shaking hands were very visible now.

“You called my brothers?” She asked in disbelief, “but sir-“

“I don’t want to hear it Y/n, we’ve been going through a roller coaster with you and I think it’s time I set my foot down,” He was signing a piece of paper. The room was dark and mostly made of wood. It was a typical principal study and that creeped her out even more.

She was scared. She was terrified because if Chan was on his way he was definitely pissed off. She was definitely going to be in big trouble and she was definitely going to get killed. She was on her second strike. She had already been kicked out of a school before this and if she got suspended again in this school that meant she was one step away from getting expelled again. That alone would put Chan and all the boys in a coma.

Fuck.

She let out a sigh. This wasn't good at all. At all.

She looked up at the clock again to calculate how much time she had to live. 20 minutes. She had 20 minutes to live and she would spend it in this sad room. Not how she expected her last moments to be.

Her stomach was churning and suddenly the lunch she had eaten wasn’t such a good idea because of the nauseous feeling that came over her. The nerves were eating her alive and at a point she thought she was dreaming.

Her short prayers were interrupted by the doors opening. Had it been 20 minutes already?!

"I'm so sorry I'm late," She heard Chan's voice fill the room. She looked over at the door and gulped when she saw him come in with leeknow glaring at her. A lump in her throat started to form.

Leeknow was the scariest out of them all. He was the only man that scared the shit out of her (after Chan ofcourse) she just knew if it was the two of them (Chan and leeknow) it wasn’t a good thing because the both of them together was like losing a finger while cooking your favorite meal…does that make sense?

"It's okay Mr.Bahng, welcome. Please have a sit." Mr.Zang said pointing at both empty sits right next to Y/n. She made sure to scoot a bit further so she wouldn’t be at punching reach from Chan. (She was just taking safety precautions)

"So what seems to be the matter? what did she do this time and how much will it cost me?" Chan chuckled and she knew straight away that that chuckle wasn't real. It wasn't real at all.

"Im sorry we have to go through this again but today we caught Y/n- well you'll see by yourself," he pointed the tv remote at the tv that sat on the opposite side of the room. It was cctv footage. Y/n cursed herself for not knowing that this man was keeping cameras on her 24/7. She felt dumb. The video tape played and showed Y/n with a bottle of vodka passing it around with her friends. They were behind school in the alleyway between the gym and main hall.

Shit.

She gulped again and looked at the floor not daring to look at Chan or leeknow. Her throat was dry at this point. She could hear a frustrated sigh and a 'you better start praying' from Chan.

"Now Ofcourse we don't tolerate any of this behavior," Mr.Zang turned off the tv and sat back in his chair.

"I understand that sir," Chan replied,

"We will have to put her on suspension for 3 days but I do have a question," he looked back and forth between Leeknow and Chan with a worried look on his face.

"Yes Mr.Zang, what is it?" Leeknow asked.

"Who is at home with Y/n? Is it just you guys?" He questioned the boys while adjusting his glasses.

"No sir, she has a nanny that takes care of her sir. It's me and my other brothers that are in charge of her sir,"

"And what about parents?..." he trailed off. Her heart slightly jumped at the thought of her mum and dad. All she could feel was numbness everytime they had to talk about them.

"We don't have any of that sir, her mum and dad died a while back so I was given custody over her sir," Chan replied politely. He too didn’t like to talk about the death of her parents. It ruined his whole mood because he knew it was a soft spot for his little sister.

“Oh I see because Y/n has been acting out lately and with the grades and her attitude she might not make it past 12th grade,"

She glanced over at Chan who was massaging his temples and trying to stay cool while leeknow sat with his hands crossed and his eyebrows furrowed.

"I understand that sir, I'll make sure she gets on her game,"

"Alright I think that's it, young lady I hope you take this time to reflect on your behavior," he pointed at her. God! She hated Mr.Zang. His pin black hair and beady eyes always creeped her out. Even his golden tooth that always seemed to be glowing no matter what. Ugh.

"Trust me she will be reflecting a lot," leeknow said before shaking Mr.Zang’s hand.

They handed them the peace of document for her suspension so they could sign it and once they had finished she got out of her chair and grabbed her bag from the floor and started following behind her two older brothers. They both were talking to eachother whispering back and forth as she walk quietly behind them. The school corridors were quiet and she was glad because if word got out that  2/8 of straykids were in school, that would be hell for her.

The car was parked outside with the driver in the front seat and when they got into the car and all the doors closed Chan started yelling. Yelling really loud. Her body was trembling at this point.

"What the fuck Y/n?!" He started off. she kept quiet and looked at the ground not daring to look him in the eye. "Oh! So now she can't talk huh?! Now she can't talk!"

"This is so disappointing! Yah! Do you know how embarrassing this is?! Getting called out of rehearsal?!" Leeknow added on.

"I can't even look at you right now! You're so stupid! Why can't you think before you act huh?! Why can't you do things without getting into trouble?!" Chan yelled while bawling up his hands in a fist.

"I'm sorry-" she softly said but she was interrupted by his sharp laugh,

"She's sorry! She's sorry she says! You know what I'm sorry for?! You're grounded for life. Locked up in that house for internal life!" Chan scoffed, "No tv, No phone, No tablet, No computer..oh and you know what else? No more free tickets for your friends! You will stay in that house until I see straight A's again understood?!"

“Yes Chan," She nodded her head,

“Also I’m taking you out of the trainee program. Your not debuting anymore-“

“Chan, please don’t. Please Chan that’s the only thing I have-“ tears started to build up in her eyes. Her heart was shattered. Chan knew how important that was for her. He knew how much she was looking forward to being in a girl group.

“I don’t want to hear it. This conversation is over,”

His face was red and he looked scary but she couldn't help it. Why would he do that? He knew that was my most valuable thing going on in her life.

“Chan I’ll-“

"I don't care! I don't fucking care right now! Just stay quiet and don't even talk to me, don't look at me if you can please don't even breathe the same air as me,"

She looked at him with so much hurt but obeyed his wishes. Her heart was heavy but she couldn't blame him. She deserved it.

She kept quiet and continued to look at the floor as they arrived home. Leeknow was trying to calm Chan down as she got out the car and walked into the house. Tears fell from her eyes at a constant speed.

"Hey, what's the matter?" Han asked, he was sat in the living room with one of his friends but he still chose to leave them and come up to her.

"Y/n? You reek of alchohol, where have you been?" He pulled her into a hug. Concern was written all over his face.

“Don’t touch me,” she tried to remove herself from his grip but it was too tight,

“Talk to me please,” he begged.

"I thought I said I don't want to see your face!" Chan's voice boomed in the room. She got out of Han's grip and quickly run up the stairs sobbing.

"Wait- what happened?" Han asked Chan who was now huffing and puffing.

"She's on Suspension,"

"Again?" Han asked confused, "what did she do this time?"

"Bottles of alcohol in her bag," leeknow explained while rubbing his eyes, tired as usual.

"Where does she even get that?"

"I don't know but I'm starting to get worried about her. I think this is her last strike. What are we gonna do?" Leeknow shook his head.

Chan was fed up and it was so clear, "I don't know but right now I don't want to deal with her crap."

"Chan don't say that, you don't mean it," Han said frowning.

"No I do! Han she has been causing hell! I don't know what to do anymore! I might just have to ship her off to boarding school! I can't be dealing with work stress and her stress! I've tried everything, literally everything but she won't change," he snapped at Han.

“Dont yell at me, I don’t mean any harm,” Han frowned feeling abit attacked, “Chan just give her time, she's just a teenager and she just lost her parents,"

"Who's just a teenager?" Felix asked entering the room from the kitchen.

"Felix back me up here, Chan wants to send Y/nnie to boarding-"

"What?! Why? You can't do that Chan?!"

"I didn't say I would and she got suspended Lix, " he run his fingers through his hair before he started to pace back and forth

"Maybe we can put her in classes? To distract her from being bad?" Han suggested.

"Yeah that's a good idea! That way we can monitor her there too. We can even pick her up after practice," Felix agreed

"We'll see but for now she's grounded for life."

[imagine-you]

Don't Blame Me (1/3) [Billy Hargrove/Reader; eventual Eddie Munson/Reader; Billy Hargrove/Reader/Eddie Munson]

Summary: One boyfriend clawing his way free from the clutches of the Upside Down once it decided to unleash its own brand of hell on Hawkins was a miracle you weren't sure you entirely deserved. When another previously dead boyfriend shows up on your doorstep and throws your whole world into chaos, you start to wonder if it's a blessing or a curse. You're terrified you'll have to choose between your first love and the guy who saved you from yourself, but will that turn out to be the least of your worries? As word begins to spread around town of a masked killer draining Hawkins residents of their blood, you realize you're a lot closer to danger than you've ever been before, but maybe, just this once, it's not such a bad thing after all. Word Count: 6.3k Author's Notes: Somehow, this was born out of an obsession with Don't Blame Me by Taylor Swift and a need to write a darker fic. I wrote the ghostface fic last year for Halloween along with a demon!Billy and vampire!Eddie fic…and somehow they're all meshing together to create one big fucked up Halloween fic this year. I don't even know what the fuck I'm doing at this point, but uhhhhh enjoy my insanity??

Read on AO3

"Don't blame me," were the first words Billy Hargrove ever said to you. It was quickly followed by: "It's the freak's fault."  

"Oh, forgive me for walking," Eddie Munson said in a mocking tone, holding his hands up in surrender. "Blame Mr. Mullethead over here for being too cool to look where he's going," Eddie sneered at Billy.

At that point in time, you didn't really care whose fault it was. You were only concerned about the fact that your shirt was now covered in soda and you were either going to have to go home or suffer through the rest of the day with a soaked shirt. "Shit," you sighed, realizing you were just going to have to go home. You would have to make up a test, but you were starting not to care. After a day that had started off with a stubbed toe, a burned finger, and now a sticky shirt, you would rather just suffer through the rest of the day from the comfort of your own bedroom. "Whatever," you dismissed. "Just another reason I should get the fuck out of here." 

You turned, not bothering to spare a second look for the other two, before making a break for the cafeteria doors.  

"Shit," you heard someone mutter before footsteps took off in your direction. You refused to look back to see which of the two dickheads who had spilled soda all over you was behind you, prompting the guy to huff in irritation. "Just, damn it, would you hold on a second? Where the hell are you going?" 

"Home," you snapped, allowing yourself a brief moment to glance over your shoulder to confirm that Billy Hargrove was in fact following you. 

"You don't even have a car," Billy pointed out, surprising you. Today was the first day you exchanged anything resembling a conversation with Billy and you had just been living with the assumption that he had no idea you existed. "What are you gonna do? Walk home?" 

"Maybe," you answered, quickening your pace in an attempt to get rid of Billy. You were cold and pissed off and you wanted nothing more than to just pull on a pair of pajamas and crawl into bed. "Why are you still following me?" You asked when you realized he hadn't taken the hint that you wanted him to get lost.  

"Look, will you stop being so damn stubborn and just talk to me for a second?" 

You reluctantly turned to face Billy, abruptly stopping him in his tracks. "Okay. What do you want?" 

"I'm not exactly taking the blame or anything here," Billy started, hastily reaching out to grab your backpack and sling it over his shoulder, "but the least I can do is give you a ride home." 

You studied him for a moment, half-sure he was only offering because he wanted an excuse to cut class. You also got the feeling that he was going to hold your backpack hostage until you agreed. It didn't take long for you to realize you didn't care about Billy’s motives as long as his offer worked out for the both of you. If you didn't have to walk home, then all the better. "Fine," you finally conceded with a shrug of your shoulders. You stepped to the side, gesturing for Billy to walk by you. "Lead the way, then." 

He watched you for a moment as if he thought you might turn and run the second he had his back to you. Finally, after a few more seconds of deliberation, Billy turned and started walking. You followed him, not entirely sure if you were making the right decision. You also couldn't stop your gaze from drifting, taking in the so-called 'fantastic ass' most of the girls had been going on about since Billy Hargrove showed up at the beginning of the year. You were forced to look away when Billy stopped at the doors leading out to the parking lot. He pushed open one of them, beckoning for you to pass him.  

"Such a gentleman," you told him as you walked outside, catching the faint smirk on his face.  

"Yeah, well, it had to happen sometime," he drawled as he followed you. "It's that one over there," he told you, directing you towards his Camaro with a hand on the small of your back.  

"I know," you pointed out with an amused smile in his direction. "You're not as subtle as you think." 

"Well, she's the best thing to ever happen to me," Billy admitted with a shrug of his shoulders. "Why not show her off a little? She deserves it." 

"She does," you agreed, smiling at the way Billy tried and failed not to light up at your praise. "She is really beautiful." 

"Damn right she is," Billy purred, satisfaction bleeding through into his tone. When you looked up at him, you expected to see him gazing at his beloved car in adoration, but instead, he was watching you. You felt your cheeks flush, trying to hide the fact that you were feeling flustered from his attention. Billy was a notorious flirt and you didn't want to be like every other girl who had fallen prey to his charm.  

"Ready to go?" You asked, lamely trying to shift the focus of the conversation. "I'm freezing."  

"Shit, yeah, we should get you out of those wet clothes," Billy said, moving to open the passenger side door of his car for you. You didn't miss the hint of suggestion in his voice, but if you were going to survive even just five minutes alone in a car with Billy Hargrove, then you were just going to have to ignore it.  

Once Billy pulled out of the school parking lot, you started offering him directions towards your house.  

"So," you started, once Billy hit the long stretch of road that would lead to your house. "Graduation is coming up in a couple months." 

"Yeah? What about it?" Billy's tone didn't waver, but from the way he started tapping his fingers on the steering wheel, you got the feeling that talking about graduation made him nervous.  

"Nothing," you said, shrugging your shoulders. "Just wondering what you've got planned after it's all over." 

Billy snorted, the sound half amused and half derisive. "I'm just trying to get to graduation. Haven't thought much about what comes after." 

"Well," you started, not even sure where you were going with your sentence. You frowned thoughtfully out the window, trying to think of something to say, but accidentally letting silence fall over the car.  

"Well?" Billy prompted with a glance at you. "There anything after that or you forget how to talk?" 

You rolled your eyes, a reluctant grin pulling at your lips. "Maybe," you answered, refusing to admit that you were so nervous you didn't know how to talk to him. Billy was cool and suave and had all the girls at school in a chokehold. When you woke up that morning, you didn't expect to say two words to him, much less find yourself in his car and expected to keep up a conversation.  

"Why do you walk to school every day?" Billy broke the silence, finally taking pity on you.  

"I'm a senior in high school," you pointed out with a shrug of your shoulders. "I can't afford a car and I’m sure as hell not asking my mom to help me get one. And I’ll just feel really pathetic if I'm seen riding the bus, so I might as well take my only other option." 

“What about your dad? He some kind of deadbeat or something? Can’t help his kid get a car?” 

You snorted, not able to help the noise of contempt you made. “You could say that,” you answered. “He split a few years back and we haven’t heard from him since.” 

“Sounds like a real piece of shit,” Billy observed with a frown.  

“Yeah,” you sighed. “So, no car and no bus means I’ve got to walk. At least it’s just for a few more months. Once I graduate, I can get a job and figure all that shit out.”  

"Well," Billy started, squinting his eyes at the road ahead, lost in thought.  

"Well?" You mocked, drawing a surprised laugh from Billy.  

"I could just drive you to school," he offered, shooting you a brief, searching look. "Wouldn't even make you chip in for gas money or anything." 

"Why?" You couldn't help but wonder. Billy didn't seem like the kind of guy to dole out charity rides in his beloved car. "What's in it for you?" 

"Just seems a shame, is all," he told you. "Someone like you freezing her ass off every day. Besides, it'll give us a chance to get to know each other a little better." 

You let out an incredulous laugh, not sure how your life had gotten so spun around in just the matter of a few hours. "And you want to get to know me better?" 

"I do," Billy responded with a nod of his head. "So, what do you think?" He asked as he pulled to a stop in front of your house. "You in?" 

You knew immediately the answer you wanted to give, but you stopped yourself before you could say anything. It was crazy, right? You weren't supposed to accept rides from strangers, but Billy didn't feel strange to you. You didn't know him all that well, sure, but like he pointed out, you could always get to know him a bit better. There probably wasn't any harm in that. "Sure," you finally agreed, flashing him a grin. "I'm in." 

There was a part of you that thought maybe Billy was just kidding around when he offered to drive you to school. Maybe it was his idea of a joke or a way to get under your skin, but he managed to surprise you when you stepped outside the next morning, and he was there waiting in your driveway. "Shit," you muttered as you turned to lock your front door. "What the hell have I gotten myself into?" 

You settled into a surprisingly easy pattern with Billy over the next few weeks. He picked you up, told you to ignore his stepsister in the backseat, and cranked up his music so loud that you could barely think. Half the time, you were able to actually hold some semblance of a conversation with either Billy or Max, but never both at the same time. It wasn't hard to figure out that they didn't exactly get along, but you weren't sure how to fix it. You probably shouldn't feel the need to fix it in the first place, but that was just who you were. You couldn't fix your own problems half the time, so why not try to fix everyone else's?   

You forced yourself to keep your mouth shut, though. Billy rarely allowed you to see a different side to him than his usual cool demeanor, but when it was just the two of you in his car, he started to unwind just the tiniest bit. It started off slowly from singing along to the radio under his breath or nodding his head along to the music to letting slip bits and pieces of his life pre-Hawkins and talking about his plans for the future. They were all moments that you filed away to examine later, because you knew that if Billy knew just how much it meant to you that he was starting to let you in, then he would shut you out.   

It didn't take long for you to realize Billy Hargrove was a broken person. He did his best to hide who he really was from everyone at school, but you were no stranger to suffering in silence. There was pain in his eyes every time he looked at you and you wanted nothing more than to heal him.  

You thought that more than anything, maybe he just needed a friend. He needed someone to genuinely care about him, because he didn't seem to have anyone. His mom wasn't in the picture and from the way Billy spoke about him, it sounded like his father was a complete jackass. Max didn't seem fond of Billy and you were sure his stepmom felt the same way. He had fans, not friends, at school and enemies he made with every biting, sarcastic comment.   

So, yeah, you could be his friend. It wasn't all that much of a hardship, because once Billy started to allow his walls to come down around you, you came to the startling conclusion that you genuinely liked him.  

By the time spring break rolled around, you realized you were going to miss seeing Billy every day at school. You shouldn't have worried, though, because that Monday afternoon you were roused from your bed by the sound of someone honking a car horn from your driveway. "Fuck," you groaned, knowing there was only one person who was capable of annoying you out of bed during spring break.  

You rushed to pull on the pair of jeans you had left on your floor the day before and tried to make sure you didn't look like a complete mess as you passed your vanity mirror. By the time you made it outside, Billy had started keeping up a steady rhythm with the car horn, only stopping once he noticed you.  

"What the hell are you doing?" You asked once you were in his passenger seat. “You’re lucky my mom is at work or she would’ve called the cops on you.” 

"Just thought we could do something," he offered with a shrug of his shoulders. "Beats you moping around your house all day because you miss my face." 

 “You caught me,” you drawled, putting a hand to your chest. “The pictures all over my room weren’t enough. I just had to get a glimpse of the real thing.” 

“I knew it!” Billy crowed with a delighted laugh. “What do you say, then? Wanna get out of here?” 

"Okay," you agreed with a nod of your head. "So, what'd you have in mind?" 

You ended up going for a burger and fries that day and to the movies on Wednesday. You dragged Billy to the arcade on Thursday and let him take you to the quarry on Saturday. He seemed to content to simply throw rocks into the water and smoke through half a pack of cigarettes, all the while letting you ramble on about everything you needed to do before you graduated.  

Billy took a drag before he shook his head. "You worry too much," he sighed, shooting you an annoyed look. "You're gonna graduate and go off to school and land some job making a bunch of money. You'll get out of here and forget about all this bullshit," he told you, waving his cigarette in the air as he gestured towards the town.  

There was a hint of melancholy in his tone that told you that what Billy was really worried about was that you would forget him. "Fuck that," you found yourself saying, moving until you could stand at his side. "We are going to graduate and get summer jobs. Then we'll get an apartment, because who would be better roommates than us, right? And then we'll figure it out from there. But I'm not gonna just forget about you. You're stuck with me," you told him, delighting in the rare, pleased smile that tugged at his lips.  

"Sounds like a plan," he agreed, briefly bumping his shoulder against yours before taking another drag from his cigarette. "A fucking stupid plan on your part, but it works for me." 

"Good," you told him. "Now, let's go get something to eat. I'm starving." 

After spring break, your routine with Billy changed. Instead of dropping you off at your house first, he chose to get Max home before driving out to a local burger joint. You paid just as often as Billy did, letting him know you were just as invested in your friendship as he was and you weren’t looking to take advantage of him. Billy seemed to think it was stupid, but you didn’t care.  

By the time summer was on the horizon, Billy had firmly cemented himself into your life as your best friend. There was no doubt in your mind that the bond you shared with him was special, and in a roundabout way, you had Eddie Munson and his clumsiness to thank for that.  

You depended on Billy to get you through the day and you looked forward to whatever scathing comments he had to make about his day or fellow classmates and teachers. You couldn't wait to hear him sing along to Billy Idol or Bon Jovi, growing bolder each day and letting himself unwind around you. You loved the sound of his laugh and the way his eyes lit up when he got you to sing along to the radio with him. You found yourself talking more about your future together and which apartments around town you might be able to afford as senior year came to an end.  

You didn't even realize how much your feelings for Billy had evolved until you were leaving school one day in late May.  

You walked outside, shielding your eyes against the sun, before scanning the parking lot. When you saw him, it felt like someone punched you in the gut. Billy was leaning up against his car, waiting for you to find him. It was usual and routine, but the second your eyes met his across the parking lot, a terrifying feeling poured through you. You felt like someone had just tipped your world to the side. Your breath left you all in one rush as you scrambled to pin down what was so different about this time. It took you entirely too long to realize what had stopped you in your tracks.  

Want.  

You wanted Billy. It felt all-consuming, causing your mind to spin in a dozen different directions.  

You wanted Billy to take your hand and press a kiss to your lips. You wanted to sneak him through your bedroom window so he could hold you close all night long. You wanted more than dinners and movies and shared laughter. You wanted a next step and a next, until both of your lives were so inextricably joined that there was no question that wherever one of you went, the other would follow.  

You knew you probably looked like you were having a meltdown when his expression morphed from one of expectation to one of concern. You forced yourself to take a deep, albeit shaky, breath and put one foot in front of the other until you were standing in front of him.  

"Hey," you made yourself say. "Ready to go?" 

Billy squinted at you before looking you up and down. "You doing alright? You looked like you weren't sure if you wanted to come over here. Did something happen?" 

"What? No!" You scoffed, turning away from him so he wouldn’t see you trying to school your expression into something that didn’t make you look like a lovestruck idiot. "Of course I wanted to come over here. With you," you added, wincing at your own ineptitude.  

"Okay," Billy finally allowed, drawing out the word. "Get in," he said, gesturing for you to climb into the passenger seat.  

Once you were aware of your feelings for Billy, it seemed to be all you could think about. It wasn't even when you were around him, either. Lying in bed at night, you wished he was there with you. Every little mundane act of your life felt like it would be made completely better if Billy was just there with you and you weren't sure how long you could go on hiding what you wanted from him.  

"So," Billy started on the last Friday of your senior year. "Want to go out for dinner tomorrow? Celebrate our impending freedom?" 

"Sounds good," you agreed, staring out the passenger side window. Every time Billy asked you to hang out, you felt a little thrill shoot through you. What did it mean? Was it just as friends or was he also just trying to find ways to spend more time with you? You tried not to get your hopes up, because you didn’t want to ruin your friendship with Billy, but you couldn’t stop yourself from contemplating all the possibilities. "Burgers?" You suggested with a quick look at him.  

"Nah," Billy answered, pulling to a stop in front of your house. "I've got something else in mind. Be ready by seven," he ordered.  

You weren't sure what you were expecting, but Billy bringing you to one of the best Italian places within a twenty-mile radius of Hawkins wasn't it.  

"What are we doing here?" You couldn't help but ask, hoping he wouldn't find offense in the question. By ‘something else,’ you had assumed Billy maybe meant going out for pizza, but the restaurant you were staring up at looked so far out of your usual price range that you weren’t even sure how either of you could afford it.  

"Just thought we could try something new," Billy answered with a shrug of his shoulders.  

When you looked at him, you noticed that he was wearing a pair of jeans without any holes or rips in the knees. His shirt was buttoned up and his bomber jacket was nowhere in sight. You weren't sure why Billy dressing up made you feel nervous, but you were suddenly aware of how clammy your hands felt.  

"Wait there a second," Billy told you before he got out of his car. He rounded the hood before pulling the passenger door open, gesturing for you to get out.  

Billy led you inside the restaurant, informing the maître d’ that he had a reservation for Hargrove. A waiter led you back to a table and Billy pulled a chair out for you, gesturing for you to sit down. You could feel your cheeks flush and you weren't sure if you looked as unsure as you felt, but once it was just the two of you at the table, you started to feel like everything would be okay. You were back on sure footing, because this was just a regular dinner with Billy, right? He was only going all out because he wanted to celebrate the fact that you were both about to finish high school.  

It wasn't until Billy slid a menu over towards you that it all finally started to click into place for you.  

"Order whatever you want, okay? I'm buying." There was a waver to his voice that had you flicking your gaze up from the menu to look at him.  

You studied Billy for a moment, trying to figure out why the hell he sounded so nervous, when you got it.  

"Is this a date?" You blurted with a startled look at Billy.  

Billy rolled his eyes before shaking his head in fake dismay. "I thought you were the smart one, y'know? It took you long enough to figure it out. Thought you would've got it when I took you here instead of Burger Barn for the fiftieth time." 

You weren't sure how to react for a moment, trying and failing to process the fact that you were on a date with your best friend, before the rest of his words sunk in. You let out a disbelieving laugh before grabbing a breadstick from the basket in the middle of the table. You ripped it in two before throwing half at Billy. He let out a thrilled, shocked laugh before he picked up the breadstick and pointedly took a bite out of it.  

You weren't the kind for flowery bits of prose to describe your every waking moment. You would never be described as dreamy or wistful, but you couldn't deny that your first date with Billy felt entirely and completely magical.  

By the time he was dropping you off at home, you realized you never wanted it to end. You hesitated before getting out of the car, shooting Billy an unsure look. Finally, you worked up all your courage and kissed him. Billy froze the moment your lips touched his and you were briefly worried that you had gone too fast. You shouldn't have been scared, though, because Billy suddenly jolted against you, as if springing to life, before his hand was in your hair and guiding you closer towards him.  

By the time you pulled away, you had missed your curfew by ten minutes and you couldn't help the urge to go for broke.  

"Wanna come up? I can sneak you in." 

"What if your mom finds out? She'll kill us." 

You shrugged your shoulders, helpless against the grin you shot him. "Let's risk it anyway." 

Billy's laugh was more than enough incentive to carry through with your plan.  

That night proved to you what you had known all along. Billy really did belong at your side, in your bed, holding you close. It was even better than you expected and you hoped the tiny flame of warmth lighting you up from the inside never died out.  

You snuck Billy into your room every night until graduation. Your mom already knew how you felt about Billy and while she was never going to be happy about anyone stealing her only kid away, she supported your plan to move in with Billy over the summer. Her graduation gift to you was to pay for your deposit on an apartment, which meant that you were able to find a place with Billy by the time he took a job as a lifeguard at the Hawkins community pool.  

You took a job at Bradley’s Big Buy, since you only had your meager savings to rely on. It wasn't the most glamorous of jobs, but it would help you pay rent while you took classes at Hawkins Community College.   

That June was shaping up to be one of the best months of your entire life. To anyone else, it might seem mundane and boring, but you didn't care. Every day, you got to wake up next to Billy in the bed you shared before getting up and making breakfast. Trading early morning kisses before leaving for classes got you through the day until Billy picked you up after your shift at the store. By the time you were crawling into bed, you felt satisfied and fulfilled, knowing you were falling asleep next to your best friend just to wake up with his arm around your waist the next morning, set to go through it all again.  

You were so used to the routine you set with Billy that you felt bereft when it was abruptly broken.  

It started for you when Billy didn't bother to pick you up from Bradley's after your shift. You were worried something happened to him, but you hoped that maybe he had simply fallen asleep on the couch after his shift at the pool. You had to call your mom to give you a ride home, since you didn't feel comfortable walking home alone at night.  

When you didn't spot the Camaro in your designated parking spot at the complex, you started fearing the worst. You knew Billy wouldn't just not come home. Something bad had happened to him and you didn't have the first clue about what to do to find him.  

Your options were limited, but you finally got your mom to let you borrow her car so you could drive around Hawkins and look for Billy. You didn't find him that night and you didn't find him the next night. You checked with every hospital in a fifty-mile radius, but there wasn't anyone admitted fitting Billy's description.  

You finally tracked him down two days after he went missing from your life at the city pool. You knew there was something wrong with him when you caught sight of him sitting in the lifeguard chair wearing a sweatshirt. There was no way that Billy could be cold, and even when he was, he wasn't the type to cover up. He would never actually admit it to anyone, but you knew he liked to show off his physique. He worked hard for it and while you never wanted to begrudge him anything he wanted, the wandering eyes of Hawkins housewives bothered you. To see him covered up and hunched in on himself, gloomily sipping an Icee was just downright bizarre and completely out of character for him.  

"Billy," you called, walking up to him. You noticed his shoulders tense before he tipped his head down to stare at you.  

"What?" he asked, his tone cold and detached. 

"What do you mean 'what'? Where the hell have you been? I’ve been worried sick thinking you were dead in a ditch somewhere!" You weren’t sure whether to feel angry that he was being so flippant about his sudden absence from your life or relieved that he was alive.  

"Around," he answered, casting his gaze up towards the sky. "Taking care of some things." 

"Billy," you started, not sure how to continue. "Come home," you finally made yourself say. "Whatever this is or whatever happened, we'll figure it out, alright? Just come home," you begged, hating how your voice cracked on the word 'home.' Your home wasn't much of a home without Billy. You missed hearing his laugh and seeing how crazy his hair was every morning. You missed feeling his warmth in your bed next to you and the way he hummed whatever tune he had stuck in his head while he cooked breakfast. You missed his touch and his kisses and everything about him.  

Billy let out a chuckle that sent a shiver down your spine. You knew it was probably crazy, but it sounded nothing like Billy. You suddenly felt like you were talking to a complete stranger. "There's nothing to figure out. I got bored, so I left.  

"Bored," you repeated, trying to make sense of the word. "You got bored." It was like a switch had flipped and your whole world was turned upside down. You had always feared that Billy would get tired of domestic life with you, but you never once thought it would actually happen.  

"Bored," Billy drawled with a nod of his head. "So, fuck off. And don't bother me again," he added, almost as an afterthought.  

You wanted to yell and scream and try to get Billy to make some kind of sense, but you could feel tears beginning to sting your eyes and you didn't want to cry in front of him. "Fuck you," you snarled before turning away. You felt like you couldn't breathe as you walked away from him, every step taking you away from him another punch to your gut.  

You were trying to figure out if it was worth it to walk home or if you should find a payphone to try to get in touch with your mom when you heard someone call your name.  

You were surprised to see Max approaching you. "Are you okay? Did Billy--," she cut herself off, searching your expression with worry. "Did Billy hurt you?" 

"You could say that," you scoffed, attempting to hide the pain you felt, but unable to stop the tears slipping down your face. "I think we broke up." 

"Y/N," Max said, moving closer to you. "I don't think Billy's himself right now," she explained, her brow furrowing in concern. "But we're gonna try to fix it, okay? Just maybe steer clear of him until it's over." 

"What? Until what's over? Max!" You called as she walked away from you. You saw Max rejoin her friends, all of them huddled by the fence that surrounded the pool. You had no idea what the hell was going on, but Max's words brought you just the tiniest bit of hope. Maybe you hadn't lost Billy after all. Maybe it was all just a big misunderstanding.  

You continued to go about your life as much as you could despite the fact that Billy hadn't come home yet. The whole town was excited about the big Fourth of July celebration, but you couldn't have cared less. That was why you were at the store while most of the town was celebrating. You liked hanging out in the back room while the store was closed. It was better than going back to an empty apartment at any rate. Your boss was fine with it as long as you remembered to lock up and didn't make a mess, so you compensated him for his generosity by making sure the store looked perfect by the time it opened the next morning. 

You weren't expecting to see anyone for the rest of the night, so you were surprised when a car pulled into the lot. You were ready to tell whoever it was that the store was closed, but when you noticed Max getting out of the car, helping an injured girl out of the back, you found yourself unlocking the door instead.  

"Max? What the hell's going on?" 

"We needed some supplies," she said, nodding towards the injured girl. "A lot of them." 

You had no idea what was going on, but if Max was involved, then you wanted to help. "Take whatever you need," you told her, gesturing for her and the rest of the group to enter the store. “Just don’t make a mess, alright?” 

You weren't quite sure why Max was hanging out with Nancy Wheeler and Jonathan Byers or why they all seemed like they were traumatized out of their minds. You knew you would be in for a world of trouble the next time inventory was taken, but you didn't care. There was a feeling in your gut that told you whatever had spooked the others had something to do with Billy. So, while they loaded up the car with fireworks and medical supplies, you calmly locked up the store and turned to face Max.  

"I'm coming with you." 

"What? Y/N, no, you can't. It’s not safe," Max tried to dissuade you. She shared a panicked look with Lucas Sinclair before looking back at you. 

"I can," you told her, knowing you weren't about to be left behind. "Whatever's going on, I can help. I can’t just sit here all night wondering if you’re okay. I’m going with you." 

"You really shouldn't," Dustin Henderson chimed in with a frown. “You’ve got no idea what you’re throwing yourself into.” 

"I don’t care,” you dismissed with a shake of your head. “Look, I'm not staying behind while you all run off into danger. I've already let you steal from my job. Just let me do this.” 

"Get in," Nancy told you, ignoring Max’s noise of protest. “We’re wasting time arguing.” 

“Just...,” Max trailed off, shooting you an uncertain look. “Just try to keep an open mind. I promise you’re not going crazy.” 

Those words would prove to haunt you, because what you experienced next felt like a complete and total shredding of your sanity.  

Your night descended into complete chaos. Hiding from a gargantuan, fleshy monster was one thing, but seeing Billy attempt to run Nancy over with his precious Camaro while she attempted to shoot him was a completely different one. You didn’t even get to see if Billy was okay after someone crashed into his car because you were being yanked into a car by Steve 'The Hair' Harrington before you could be killed by the monster that was terrorizing the mall.  

None of it made sense and despite getting a brief rundown on the Upside Down and a girl with superpowers and the monster that had infected your boyfriend and numerous other people around Hawkins, you still couldn’t wrap your head around how the night ended.  

Because there was no way in hell it was real. You could accept that everything else was possible, but seeing Billy slump to the floor, bleeding and broken, was the one thing you couldn’t believe.  

"Billy!" You cried, rushing forward, hardly caring about the monster that was still standing. All you could see was the pain and agony on Billy's face as he fell. You pulled him into your arms, your hand shaking as you attempted to wipe the blood from his face. But it wasn't even really blood. It was black and viscous, sticking to your hand as you met Billy's eyes. He looked so lost and terrified that you couldn't help the sob of anguish that escaped your mouth at the sight of him. "Don't leave me," you begged him. "Stay with me, alright? We'll get you help. We’ll fix this." 

"Sorry," Billy gasped, his body convulsing in your hold. "I'm sorry," he said, his eyes tracking from you to someone standing over your shoulder. He looked to you again, his eyes shining with unshed tears. "Should've--," he started, before he cut himself off, coughing up a mouthful of clotted blood. "Love you," he got out with a gasp. "Love...," he trailed off before his eyes closed, leaving you clutching him tight, fighting the urge to shake him and demand he open his eyes.  

"Billy? Billy!" Max yelled before falling to her knees beside you. "Billy, get up. Get up!" She demanded, putting her hand on his shoulder. "We need you," Max tried, tears beginning to stream down her face. "I need you. Y/N needs you!" She pleaded, meeting your eyes. "What do we do?" 

But there wasn’t anything you could do. Billy wasn’t moving and he wasn’t breathing and he wasn’t alive. 

Billy wasn’t alive. 

You felt like you couldn't breathe and there was something clawing up your throat, begging to break free. It felt like it was going to split you apart and you desperately clung to Billy’s body as you lost your fight against it. 

It wasn't until later when you were sitting in the back of an ambulance with a blanket wrapped around your shoulders that you realized what it was. 

A scream. 

[snailstrailz]

Ok so I SUCK at comics and post-sleep clarity compels me to just outline my alternative ending for OATD. I'm kinda on the fence about the ending, but whatever AU where the night entities are real or whatever.

This is kinda long so it's below the cut!

After Dark fades away Orion gets like super pissed at Light and yells at him for not stopping. Light weakly defends himself and flies off, leaving Orion alone to break down on the beach.

Cut back to present Orion and Hypatia, who's like "wow bummer ending dad" and Orion is like"I'm not finished tho!!"

The scene with the night entities realizing they fucked up plays out basically the same, but they all come together and have an argument about what to do. They all really regret just leaving dark but nobody has any ideas on how to fix things.

Finally, they listen to quiet, who suggests they go back for Orion, because maybe they can get Dark back though his memory.

The entities go find Orion, who's still hopeless. The entities all pitch in and talk about how he's helped, but it's not working. Finally dreams appeals to him by just stating the truth. "We need to get him back, or there will be nothing left for anyone."

Orion finally agrees and the whole crew goes into Orion's head this time, but searching through everything they can't find Dark.

This causes Orion to start having a panic attack and then the whole thing with the black hole happens pretty much the same with Orion deciding to face his fears. This dissipates the black hole and Dark is left behind in its wake.

He too, though is completely hopeless. He's reading the list again, crying.

Everyone tries to convince him to come back but Dark won't budge. Completely given up.

Then light shows up. He's like "dude, if you don't come back nobody will ever feel the cool, calm, dark again bro. It kinda blows when it's just me."

Dark turns around. "People have been terrified of me from day one." He turns to Orion, "you're still pretty afraid of me too. But... Maybe that's ok."

Dark gets up and declares that they're going to go fix the world and again the scene plays out pretty much the same.

Dark brings Orion home and they hug one last time. Orion goes inside and it fades to Orion on the field trip. He gathers his courage and talks to Sarah, and even though his voice cracks, he tells Ricchi Panichi to leave him alone.

In the present Orion and Hypatia are going back home. Hypatia doubts the story, thinking it's just made up. Orion knowingly smiles, before something for the poorly lit park from before catches his attention. Beyond the flickering street light, is Dark.

Hypatia is stunned and Dark is like, "long time no see!" Orion is elated to see Dark again, giving him a hug.

"I guess you're here to convince me you're not so bad now?" Hypatia says but Dark says "nah, I don't really mind." Sleep pops in alongside the others and saying, "it's past your bedtime anyway."

Boom title comes on screen credits roll yippee yay

[itsclydebitches]

Alastor's Deal: A Theory

Apologies if all of this has been said before, but my brain has felt like Niffty on caffeine the last 24 hours and it must be purged.

So, we all know that Alastor has made some sort of deal. That was obvious back when Husk made his “on a leash” comment and was fully confirmed during Alastor’s breakdown, wherein he laments that the “constraints of my deal must have a back door.” The big questions then are with who and for what? Like many, I’m in the “Alastor made a deal with Lilith” camp.

Let’s move through this semi-chronologically.

We know, based on the final scene of Season One, that Lilith has made her own deal to stay in Heaven and that if she doesn’t stop Charlie from “threatening the very foundation” of the realm then the deal is off. This is the primary motivation we’ve seen from the Heaven higher-ups this whole show: protecting Heaven’s power dynamics at best and doing so by hellish genocide at worst. If Lilith made a deal with the angels to get access to Heaven, what else would they want beyond further assurance that her domain will never rise up against them? Taking her off the battlefield would likewise be a decisive blow as we’re told in the prologue that it’s her singing that inspires Hell and Hell’s population that helps grow her power. Take Lilith away and there’s no leader left to organize a revolt.

(Except Charlie. More on that in a bit.)

So either Lilith—newly separated from Lucifer, disgusted by this eternal punishment—or the angels—terrified by her leadership, Hell’s growing population, the ongoing threat of revolt—approach the other and go, ‘You get a spot in paradise and you get reassurance against anyone uprooting the status quo.’ Right from the start it struck me as odd that Heaven only has this seemingly random Extermination once a year as a way of maintaining control. Meaning, the angels fly down and seem to go after any citizen who’s unlucky enough to be in their way, just the average Joes that wouldn’t be perceived as a threat. So what about the Overlords? They’re the ones with the real power and yet they’re simultaneously the ones who are smart enough to lay low during Extermination Day. As far as we’ve seen, there’s no organized efforts to go after the seat of Hell’s political power: Adam doesn’t attack the Princess until she personally pisses him off and Carmilla seems to run into the angels only by accident. Why in the world would Heaven try to keep Hell in its place by killing the citizens who (supposedly—this is an institution that very much underestimates the underdog/group efforts) can’t do anything to hurt them?

The answer is they wouldn’t. Extermination, while useful in terms of striking fear and hopelessness in the citizens, as well as keeping Hell’s population in line, is also a bit of a decoy. Heaven is going after the Overlords. They’re just smart enough to do so quietly.

We’re back to Lilith. She gets a spot in Heaven. In return, she assists Heaven in undermining the true seat of Hell’s power (outside herself and her own family): the Overlords. How to do that though? Staying in paradise precludes going down and doing the dirty work herself, to say nothing of how not subtle having the Queen commit murders would be.

Enter Alastor.

Need someone to commit murders for you? Snag a serial killer! I’ve seen a couple people claim that Alastor’s deal is limiting his power— based primarily on the “unclip my wings” comment—but that’s never tracked for me. If Alastor was already powerful, even more-so than he is now, he’d have no reason to make a deal in the first place. This man, by his own musical admission, is not altruistic. Unless there was some threat to his existence that we don’t know about yet that forced him into a corner, power is the only thing he’d make a deal for.

So you’re Lilith. You need a personal hitman to keep Heaven happy. Here’s an egotistical, power-hungry serial killer who’ll do anything to be on top—even sell his soul. So you make him powerful, though with the caveat that he must use that power at your command. Alastor comes out of nowhere then, this overnight success, and he immediately targets a bunch of Overlords. Not all of them. Not enough for Hell to crumble, or for anyone to become suspicious that this is more than just one homicidal demon enjoying himself, but enough to ensure that what power Hell is consolidating never gets out of hand. I think Alastor’s initial arrival on the scene was a kind of test period for Lilith. Once he proved that their plan would work, she was given access to Heaven. That was seven years ago. Lilith disappears and Alastor conveniently disappears along with her. Why? No enough info yet, but I think that timing lends weight to the theory that his deal is tied up with hers.

Why is Alastor so desperate now? Well, a number of reasons, the most obvious of which is that his soul is presumably on the line. Much like his threats towards Husk, Alastor knows that he’s got a metaphorical gun pointed towards his head at all times. He’s on this “leash” and if we know anything about this man, it’s that he needs to be the one fully in control—which he’s very much not at the moment. Alastor needs to be the one “pulling all the strings,” not acting as the puppet for someone else. I further wonder what might have happened in those seven years to potentially scare him. (Was he in Heaven? Perhaps chained for a time? Let out only when his Master deems him useful again?). I further wonder how his own (slow as molasses) redemption is influencing things. Despite his claims to the contrary, Alastor does care for people—there’s a whole meta about that on its way—and Rosie is very much included in that select group. The fandom has done a great job of pointing out all the ways their friendship comes across as genuine so I won’t hash that out here. Suffice to say, Rosie is one of the few people Alastor is close to pre-hotel, but she’s also an Overlord. If this theory holds any weight it means that at any point he could be given the order to kill her. (If he can, of course. He calls her the most “dangerous” of them all). That's not going to sit well with him.

So Alastor wants out on his deal, right? Well... kind of. See, I don’t think he actually wants to break the deal because that would mean he loses all the power he gained from it. Notably, Alastor also doesn’t say he wants to break it, he says that the “constraints of my deal must have a back door.” He’s looking for a loophole, a way to break the limitations he’s currently under, but not break the deal itself. Here’s an example that’s really just an excuse for me to throw out a headcanon I have:

Demon: I will give you power, but you are not allowed to say where it comes from Alastor: Hmm. I want the power and to be able to talk about where I got it Alastor: What was that exact wording again? I’m not allowed to say anything? Well, I’m a radio host. I’ll just have other peoples' voices say it for me! Alastor: Now I get both :)

That’s another aspect to all this that fits nicely with Heaven being at the root of this deal: of course they wouldn’t want Alastor blabbing. Not just because Hell can’t know about their plan, but likewise because most in Heaven are ignorant of the measures they’re taking too. The fandom has already pointed out the stitching around Alastor’s mouth—colored green to show it’s deal magic—as well as his annoyance when people don’t question is odd absences and sudden power ups. To be clear, I 100% think that scene with the Overlords is Alastor just getting pissy that no one gives a shit about him—this guy needs to be the center of attention 24/7—but underneath that may be legitimate frustration that no one is helping him find the loopholes of this deal. He knows he can’t speak about it, but he’s also hoping to find that “back door” to his limitations. That’s a lot easier to do if others are helping him poke and prod at these constraints.

Which brings me to Husk. Anyone else find it odd that he knows about this super secret deal when no one else seems to? At least, he knows enough to realize that Alastor is “on a leash.” My pet theory here is that Husk is the first soul Alastor collected. Mimzy’s flashback shows Alastor hunting and presumably killing those other Overlords, putting their souls into his radio show for all of Hell to hear (which would be another great fear tactic that benefits Heaven). However, for whatever reason he decides to take an Overlord’s soul one night, rather than outright killing him, and lo and behold, that connection gives Husk some insight into Alastor. Or, conversely, that ownership allows Alastor to speak more freely than he can with anyone else. Regardless, Husk is a potential asset now. No, he can’t go blabbing about Alastor’s deal and reminding him of the insult of being chained—Alastor will still kill him if he goes too far—but for now there’s potential in someone, someone Alastor has control over, knowing that a deal exists. He hasn’t found a way to gain freedom yet while maintaining his power, but Alastor is smart enough to surround himself with people who he can force/manipulate into doing the job for him, once he figures out what role they might play.

Next up then is Charlie. Charlie who is powerful by virtue of being the Princess of Hell. Charlie who is Lilith’s daughter and now owes Alastor a favor (something like, perhaps, “Help me circumvent the limitations of my deal with your mom”?) Charlie who possesses her mother’s ability to inspire through song, a talent that Alastor is THRILLED to see develop at Cannibal Town.

Surprised? Why, I knew she could do it all along She’s filled with potential that I could guide Stick with her, you’ll be on the winning side!

Alastor is playing the long game. Pretend to be the powerful, influential Princess’ friend, become the confidant of Lilith’s darling girl, make a broad-stroke deal with her that can only benefit you, and you’ve set the stage for sometime, somehow, freeing yourself of the mess you’ve gotten into. (Of course, what Alastor can’t admit yet is that pretending to be someone’s friend often results in real friendship developing. Get loved, idiot.) It’s only when Alastor’s plan nearly gets him killed that he has a full-blown panic attack. I almost died for them? I’m supposed to be manipulating them to help me! WHAT THE FUCK?

Three other points of note:

1. It’s unclear how much Heaven knows about the specifics of their own deal. Given that Adam has no idea who Alastor is when they fight, yet the final scene implies that he made the actual deal with Lilith, it’s possible she promised to take out Overlords—and delivered—but never told them precisely how she was accomplishing this. Knowing the kind of woman Lilith is likely to be, no doubt she has further plans up her own sleeve.

2. Alastor’s tune changes drastically while talking privately to Vox. It’s obvious that he’s generally unconcerned with his death threats and absolutely plays that up in their duet, but once they’re alone Alastor because incredibly threatening, taking on his demon form and promising to make Vox wish he’d stayed gone. I don’t think he cares much about Vox himself, rather, as another Overlord Vox is automatically in Alastor’s crosshairs. He hasn’t been given the order to kill the Vs yet, but they’re his enemy by virtue of the deal. You’re going to end me? No, no, no, my entire purpose here is to end you.

3. Alastor fucking hates angels. Or rather, I should say he hates angels high on the celestial totem pole. Battle grunts like Vaggie are fine—he’s got no beef with them outside of them trying to exterminate everyone—but someone like Lucifer, a former powerhouse of Heaven? Or Adam, one of those currently in charge? Alastor despises them both on sight. It’s notable to me that they’re the only two he curses out: “Fuck you” to Lucifer and “I’m going to end your fucking life” to Adam. (Well, except calling Susan a “bitch,” but Susan is an exception lol). Alastor always has it together and prizes his manners up until he meets an angel who represents the top dog group who has chained him. Then he looses his cool. Toss in the fact that Lucifer is Lilith’s former husband and Adam is the one who supposedly made the deal with Lilith and... yeah. Alastor is holding a hell of a grudge. That’s likewise how I read the “unclip my wings” line. Not an indication that Alastor was more powerful pre-deal, but a general way of expressing that he’s constrained in other ways while ALSO hinting at the source. It’s ironic that his own (non-existent) wings are clipped when it’s the winged bastards who have him under their thumb.

This is also where I’m thinking/hoping Alastor’s story might go. He spends more time trying to have his cake and eat it too—possessing Lilith’s Overlord-killing power without being a servant to Heaven anymore—probably screwing over many of his new relationships in the process. Somehow his circumstances come to light (via Husk?), Charlie forgives him, she finds a way to break the deal entirely (perhaps by persuading her mom via duet), and Alastor is left... as Alastor. Just Alastor—sinner, former human, redeemable. Still the radio demon, but not very fearsome anymore. He lacks the power that’s defined him for who knows how long now and must grapple with just being himself: vulnerable and truly reliant on the family he’s built to protect him.

(GET LOVED, IDIOT)

So to recap:

Lilith wants access to Heaven

Heaven wants Hell’s power kept in check in a way that won’t draw too much attention

Lilith makes a deal with a power-hungry serial killer, giving him the ability to take out Overlords for them

Alastor kills a bunch to undermine the threat Hell poses

Her part of the deal proven to be sound, Lilith retires to a celestial beach

Her homicidal pet is kept in line for a time, perhaps put in the cage until useful again

Alastor returns and immediately inserts himself into Charlie’s life, the one person who might be able to help him by virtue of her political and familial position

He spends months manipulating her to like him/orchestrating a deal

He comes to legitimately like her

Nearly dies for her and her friends

Panics about it

Reasserts his original goal to maintain power while getting off his “leash” because fuck friendship and all that

The only thing that didn’t sit right with me was Alastor’s smile. Based on what we’ve seen, this is another constraint of the deal. Alastor’s warning to Charlie that his smile hides his real emotional state was a clue, but I think it’s magical nature is confirmed in the radio tower post-fight with Adam. There’s no audience there for Alastor to perform for. He’s the lowest we’ve ever seen him. If there was ever a time where he’d drop the happy-go-lucky facade it’s now... but he doesn’t. He can’t. Which didn’t make sense to me given all of the above. Why the hell would anyone need to force Alastor to smile if they just want a powerful attack dog?

This rotated in my head like a rotisserie chicken for a while until it hit me that they wouldn’t. Because it’s not about a need, it’s about being mean. Heaven has shown time and time again that they’re not merely engaging in Extermination because they see it as a necessary evil, they LIKE it. It’s fun for them. The killing of demons and their torture beforehand is a kind of entertainment that they—particularly Adam’s group of soldiers—frequently indulges in. They wouldn’t make Alastor smile for any practical reason. They’d do it simply because they could.

Look how happy he is acting as our little pet. It’s a sentiment that Alastor repeats for Husk, likely as a way of grasping at control within his own, vulnerable situation.

In addition, this is a little, sadistic inside joke for the angels. Throughout my whole binge the fixed nature of Alastor’s smile looked so familiar and I couldn’t place it, not until I realized that the angels didn’t literally have those faces.

They’re wearing masks. The masks they wear into battle show fixed, endless grins as they indulge in slaughter. Now, as their pet, Alastor is forced to wear a mask as well, one that mimics the dress-code for killing his people.

Smile, Alastor. You’re the Exterminator.

[eris-snow]

𝐆𝐨𝐨𝐝𝐛𝐲𝐞.

Tags: Deku's birthday series 2023, izuku x fem!reader, angst

“There are so many things I wish I could tell you. I want to be done with all the white lies and ambiguous phrasings. So here, I’ll say it, my last secret to you: I love you, Zuku. Please remember me. Please.”

“Get up, you lazy ass!” Katsuki barks from the doorway, barging into his room fully dressed.

Startled awake, Izuku almost tumbles out of bed with a squeak. “Ka-Kacchan!”

“Deku!” He mimics, not looking the slightest bit fazed. In fact, he looks angrier than usual. “If I don’t see you dressed in 5 god damn minutes, I’ll make sure to punch you so fucking hard it’ll make One For All look like a love tap.”

“If I don’t see you out of my room in t minus 5 seconds, I’ll use said love tap to get you out!” Izuku refutes, rubbing his eyes groggily. “What is up with you? It’s only 10 am—”

“Shortie and I stood outside your shitty apartment for half an hour until Auntie came home from the grocery store. You slept right through 30 minutes of endless knocking and doorbell rings.”

Katsuki’s face was the definition of terrifying and pissed, and it didn’t help when his hands started steaming. “Be glad that Shortie was there, if not there would be scorch markings on your door—”

“I’m so sorry, Kaccha—Starlight’s here?!” Izuku yelps, this time actually tumbling out of bed as he scrambles for his drawers. “I thought we gave you a spare key, Kacchan! I—why is Starlight—”

“You changed your fucking locks without telling me after the war, shit nerd! I ain’t have your new keys, so I was half contemplating blowing your door off its hinges—”

“Cut me some slack, Kacchan!” He rushes out, rifling through his closet for suitable clothes. “It’s my birthday.”

“I don’t cut any slack, Izuku.” Katsuki spits, throwing the nerd’s towel in his face. “That���s Shortie’s job.”

“Mean,” Izuku pouts.

Katsuki simply smirks back. “Happy Birthday, Izuku.”

--

“Happy birthday, Zuku!” You greet him, giggling when you saw the towel wrapped around his neck. “What time did you wake up?”

“About 10 minutes ago,” He admits, stealing a glance at the blond. Katsuki’s eyes were scanning his phone screen, a lazy, smug smirk plastered on his face.

“What do you want to do today? We get free rein until dinner time, because your mom wants us back so we can cut the cake.”

A smile plays on Izuku’s lips, and he almost tears right then and there. He was so fortunate to have friends like Starlight and Katsuki. He’d completely lucked out.

“Well…”

--

It was just like the old times. You, Katsuki and Izuku had always been a pack since you were little, and you force yourself to focus on whatever was happening now instead of what would happen after.

Even with the sun beating down you your neck, you survived with the sun hat you’d brought along with you. As you put it on, Izuku comments on it as he digs into his ice cream.

“That’s a nice hat there Starlight! Where’d you get it from?”

“Quite a while back,” You reply, tilting it upward so you can meet his eyes. “The person really knew what I liked.”

--

Izuku couldn’t name a day more perfect. Sure, it wasn’t anything fancy, definitely not as amazing as his meeting with All Might or the day he’d gained his Quirk, but it seemed like the world had decided to give him a peaceful day where nothing went wrong. By the time the three of them had gotten back for dinner, he’s grinning so widely he didn’t know it was possible.

He blows out the candles with a wish and a note in his pocket, praying for his friends, his family, you and Kacchan’s safety because he can’t stand it if you get hurt. He prays you’ll always be here, and that he’d be the number 1 hero (It’s been his dream his whole life, after all.) It’s only when everyone had started digging into the cake, did he realise you were missing.

“Where’s Starlight?” He frowns, checking the balcony. No, you’re not there either.

“She said something about taking a breather,” Katsuki said, poking his slice of cake with a fork. “When I asked her where, she just said, ‘It’s a secret’ and left.” He points his fork at Izuku. “Eat your cake.”

Blood rushes to his head, and for some reason, he’s getting dizzy just thinking about you.

Strange.

“I think I know where she is. I’ll bring her back. The sky’s dark already, Starlight shouldn’t have to walk back by herself.”

Katsuki eyes him suspiciously for a moment, something flickering in his eyes before they drop down to the slice of chocolate cake. “I’ll tell Auntie for you. Go do what you need to do, nerd.”

Izuku smiles at his best friend and thanks him, wearing his dumb bright red shoes and leaving in a hurry.

Katsuki stares at the cake, an icing drawing of himself and you on the cake next to Izuku’s face. He smudges the icing drawing of your face, standing up with a sigh.

“I hope you know what you’re doing, Starlight.”

--

“Hey.”

You whirl around, shoving the lamp in the direction of the voice. Izuku’s shadowed face smiles back gently, making you relax slightly. “Hey.”

The clearing looked different at night. A swarm of fireflies danced around the meadow without a care in the world, making the lake almost sparkle as pretty yellow dots dance around the beautiful glade.

“Kacchan said you stepped out. I got worried.”

You laugh, shaking your head as your fingers creep into the note in his pocket. “Sorry. Needed a breather.”

“No, no! Don’t apologise!” Izuku sits down on the grass next to you, face warm in the glow of the light. “I just wanted to make sure you’re okay.”

That phrase causes your smile to wobble.

“Right!” You dig through your pockets, not allowing even a moment of awkwardness. “Now that you’re here…”

Three small, wrapped present emerges from your pocket. Overpowering emotions are surging behind a fortress you’d encased them in.

You made a promise. You’re not going to cry.

Izuku’s mouth falls open into a small “O” as he takes it tenderly in his hands. He cradles it gently, with scarred hands you’ve come to know.

“What is it?” He asks dumbly.

You chuckle, gesturing. “Just open it, silly. I want to see your reaction.”

He rips open the first one and finds a shimmering silver watch, staring back at him in a shiny transparent box. He sputters indignantly. “Th-This must have cost a fortune! How did you-”

“I may or may not have saved up for it by using my internship money.” You scratched your head, blushing slightly. “It was a little pricy, sure but—”

“How did you know I wanted this brand?” He asks, shaking a little as he pries the lid off and holds it like it’s worth an entire building. “I-I never got it because—”

“You’re afraid it gets damaged during a fight,” You finish. “I know you don’t like accessories, so I asked Hatsume to reinforce the entire thing. I paid her for the modifications as well. Plus, you’ll need something to wear for formal occasions. They never have clocks in ballrooms.”

“You’re going to make me cry,” Izuku warns, looking at you with glassy eyes.

“You have two more gifts left, Zuku. Don’t cry now.”

Izuku takes that as a cue to shred open the next present. Your gifts may be small, but you sure know how to make them impactful because he absolutely loses it when he sees the next gift.”

“Prototype pins for his merchandise from his U.A days,” Izuku whispers, fingers quivering as he counts the pins. “Fi-Five? You got all five of them? I-I’ve never seen it before, how did you—”

“I pulled a few strings,” You say, gently. “It’s yours now.”

With tears bubbling over, he tears open the last gift. At first, it confuses him, and he has to will himself to put the waterworks on hold so he can actually see the gift properly. “Is this…” He cranes his head around, squinting. “Is this a photo of this place?”

“Yeah, I manage to paint this really good painting—”

“You painted this?” He interrupts, full-on sobbing now. “Why would you do this much? I don’t understand, I—”

“It’s a photo of this painting.” You correct. “So you can slot it in your wallet or use it as a bookmark or something. It’s your birthday, Zuku. Of course it’s important to me.”

Izuku tucks all of these precious gifts into his pocket and turns to wrap his arms around you in a tight hug. “Thank you so much, Starlight.”

You’re startled at first, but slowly, you adjust yourself and hug him back. “You’re welcome, Zuku.”

Fireflies dance around you for a little longer until Izuku finally pulls away, wiping the tears out of his eyes. “I, uh, I wanted to pass you something, actually.” He unfolds a note and hands it to you, a practice you’re so familiar with seeing that you instantly know what this is about. “I didn’t get the right time to pass it to you.”

The note is pure white, and you take a deep inhale and read the words to yourself.

I’m so glad I met you. Today was a blast. Thank you for today.

Somehow, those three sentences are what push you off the edge. One tear slips past your barriers, and soon another flows after as more tears join the first.

Dread and a feeling of longing engulf you a whole as you break down into quiet sobs, clenching the pocket that held your note, your last Secret to him, so tightly your knuckles hurt. You were almost contemplating not giving it to him.

“It’s not fair…” You mumble, body convulsing as you try to clear your tears.

“I promised not to cry.”

Izuku panics almost comically, leaning over you and trying to find a way to stop you from bawling. “Hey, don’t cry! I-I didn’t mean to make you sad, I swear, I just—”

“I told myself that I wouldn’t this year. I never follow through on it.”

Izuku frowns. “What are you talking about—”

“Can I get another hug? Please?”

Izuku relents cautiously, and you wish you could explain it to him but you can’t as time slips away fast. You bury your head into his shoulder, trying to memorise everything. The way you fit into his arms, the way he smells, the way his voice is quiet and so gentle and raw when he’s with you.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” Izuku asks, patting your head gently.

“Everything.” You mutter, pulling back a little to sit beside him with your back against the tree.

Your tears keep falling, a waterfall of emotions suffocating you as you struggle to get that one word out.

“Stay with me, Izuku.” Your voice comes out broken, as you lean against his shoulder. “Don’t go.”

He’s so much taller now, compared to when you were kids.

He’s stronger too, and he’s not even quirkless.

All things considered, he doesn’t need you anymore.

But you still need him.

“I’m not going anywhere,” Izuku soothes. “I’ll be here tomorrow, too you know.”

That only makes you sob harder.

Memories filter in and out of your head as you finger his note, reminiscing on how the past month has gone.

“You will?” You ask, so small and scared because you know he will, but he won’t and it tears you apart inside. “You’d be here so we can continue to tell each other to sleep earlier, even though we’d go ahead and sleep late anyway?” you swallow thickly, throat running dry. “We’d-we’d have so many more Sunday breakfasts that you’d only eat katsudon no matter how hard I’d try. I’d tell you how much I admire your eyes because they’re just so bright despite everything that happened because you’re Izuku, and I’d tell you how I got your nickname because then, I wouldn’t have to lie to you.”

The words are pushing out of your mouth faster than you can process them, and Izuku just listens to them wordlessly, letting you ramble.

“We’d help each other with our nightmares like we always do, 'cause despite the fact that we have therapists I know that going to you is so much better. We can have more Movie Nights until Shoto is finally caught up with his childhood shows, and come here more often for more picnics. When we get into villain attacks, I’d know you’ll always have my back just like you have mine. We’d figure out our shit together by talking on the rooftop, and I’d tell you how I found this clearing as we light up 17 candles on your birthday cake next year…”

You trail off, fingers wrung together tightly. Tears fall as your voice loses all stability. “I’d have more birthdays with you, and I’d actually be celebrating it with you without having to push my thoughts back down. I’d be happy, and I’d be there for you…” You break off into a whisper.

“…And you’d remember me.”

Izuku’s frown creases deeper. He hates seeing you upset. His head is throbbing, spinning as he tries to focus on you. “I won’t forget you.” He promises. What else can he do?

“I wrote you a note.” You finish, completely ignoring him as you shove the note into his hands with your face hidden. “I wrote you a Secret, too.”

Izuku glances at you with curiosity and concern before his eyes drop down to the lime-green Post-it. He has no idea why you’re busting out all of these memories on him as someone had perished, but all he knew was that you—

I love you.

Izuku drops the paper in his lap and whirls to you with shock, eyes blinking rapidly as he stares back at you.

“What—”

“There are so many things I wish I could tell you. I want to be done with all the white lies and ambiguous phrasings. So here, I’ll say it, my last secret to you: I love you, Zuku. Please remember me. Please.”

“I do, I will, I—” Izuku sputters, face turning red. His head is pounding now, and he struggles to stand when you do. “I don’t understand! Where’s this coming from? What’s with all these lasts and—”

“Shouldn’t we discuss this tomorrow?” You divert, finally wiping your tears away. You square your shoulders and manage a watery smile, before you turn heel and make your way to the path back home. “I’ll explain it all tomorrow. It’s getting late, and I should get home before my parents get worried.” You pause and turn back. Izuku is nodding slowly now, hand outstretched like he wants to catch your wrist, but he doesn’t.

“We can do that. We-we can do that. Just—promise me that you’ll explain everything. I don’t want to be kept in the dark anymore. I need answers. Starlight, please?”

You don’t want to lie, you don’t want to lie, so you just maintain your smile as you whisper, “Whenever you're ready.”

Izuku takes it as a promise, and relaxes with a wobbly smile of his own. “Okay. Goodnight, Starlight.”

You smile, even though it’s painful, and take in a deep breath even though it feels as if you’re inhaling shattered glass. Finally, you work up the courage to say those words, even though it felt like the world was ending in just an hour now.

“Goodbye, Zuku.”

--

Izuku arrives back at the dorms to be greeted by a new face. His smile lights up his entire face when he bows and greets. “Hi! You must be the new transfer Kacchan told me about. I’m Izuku Midoriya, nice to meet you!”

The girl smiles back at him with a warm smile, holding the door wider. Her eyes sparkle like the stars above, and she sticks her own hand out as a greeting.

“My name is Y/n L/n. I can’t wait to spend the rest of the year with you.”

[undertalebabbleblog]

Fellverse Collars

Okay… here we go! This was one of the first rants I ever made that was actually useful somewhere along the way instead of just being what it was… a rant to my closest of close people who GET the fandom (AKA: the only person willing to listen to me and put up with my crap at that time in the morning and still talked to me the day after despite the previous 5+ hours I’d been asking at them. When they are still willing to respond to your messages 4h later- 9am -you KNOW they’re a keeper) So I figured here is as good a place and time to start as any…

[Especially considering I was TODAY years old when they let me know that discord chats have a SEARCH function… anyone else been spamming the ‘page up’ button for hours like your life depended on it? HANDS UP ✋]

SO without further ado~

I bring to you my explanation of the meanings of collars in the different fellverses! [This will be heavily based in the UTMV if you hadn’t guessed - focusing on underfell; Edge and Red, and fellswap; Black (or interchangeably Razz) and Mutt]

So CONTEXT- I was brought into this rant by a question from a friend asking me to explain fell universe collars to them (obviously), since they’re mentioned quite a bit throughout the fandom where the fellverses are concerned, but the variation between the meanings really confused them, and its not like they really had a solid definition to depend and lean on for info on it because the concept was mainly based in fannon. So they came to me. Because I apparently give off the vibe of knowing this. Good thing I ACTUALLY had an answer lol

BASICALLY~~~

In the simplest of terms, quickest way I could put it, and perhaps one of the most obvious of facts: The collars are a sign of ownership.

Think of underfell’s resident skele bros (Most commonly known as Edge and Red throughout the fandom), Edge literally OWNS red.

This could be interpreted in a whole bunch of different ways, but it all boils down to Red being practically either a pet or just straight up property to Edge.

It’s there to send a message. If someone were to hurt red it would be the equivalent of property damage… Or kicking his puppy… It lets people KNOW that if they mess with Red, Edge is going to get, understandably, pissed. It’s a protective measure.

When it comes to fellswap the underlying theme of ownership is the same, but it’s the context that differs. While Edge has his status, it is mainly his formidable battle and trapping prowess and infamy that makes the collar an effective safety measure. When it comes to fellswap the protection the collar offers is more of a proof of subjugation and the rising of said ‘owners’ status.

In fellswap Mutt was was viewed as a fierce foe, whom of which the majority of the underground were terrified of, knowing him and his brother Black by the name of ‘the queens guard dogs’. Having Black collar Mutt raises Blacks own infamy and labels him as some untouchable higher power, despite the lowness of his HP, which ordinarily would spell death for a monster of his world.

Their world is one in which family ties mean next to nothing in the grand scheme of things, they were merely a weak point to exploit. The chink in their armour. It was either that of a form of unsteady alliance with trust in which you’d trust the other to turn on you in a heart beat when push comes to shove.

The collaring is the closest they could come to showing they could care. The only form of tie that holds meaning and makes you stronger. Someone that people wouldn’t want to mess with.

Although that is mainly interpretation based off of the way the fandom flows, while underfell is a little more reliably set fellswap if most DEFINITELY more of a concept than a set idea.

If you needed this cleared up hope it did that for you!

If you didnt… hope you at least found it either entertaining or informative enough to be worth the time spent reading this!

[anns-works]

Ok so i've got something that yall would probably hate me for. But ive been holding this simmering pot of angst for a while and the first thing i was taught is to share, so suffer with me.

New ROTTMNT AU:

Rather than being the only one out of his brothers to survive in the no-good-very-bad-horrible future, Leo is the only brother who dies.

Okay okay okay.

But i personally like to think that after the krang come out everything goes to shit in the bad timeline everyone goes oh fuck and start teaming up right? Human yokai cryptids mutants– none of that matters as long as you got eachothers back.

And after the initial stumbles the brothers start their active participation in the resistance.

Heres the thing.

Leo is genuinly terrifying at coming up with a plan. Kid went toe to toe with motherfucking Big Mama and came out victorious. Big Mama, as if the most terrifying yokai crime boss Big Mama. Kid came out with a smile. Its safe to say his strategies were incredibly effective and it kinda pissed off a couple of people.

Military dude 1: I can't believe i'm following a plan made by a 16 yo mutanat turtle.

Military dude 2: Your just upset the kid called out all the flaws your plan had in less than 2 seconds flat.

But the one pissed off the most were the krang. This tiny insignificant insect was able to somehow keep the resistance 3 steps ahead. So naturally, they went to take him down first.

It took a while but eventually they managed to isolate Leo. His brothers were fighting up a storm but the krang got too much and so they had to leave. Without Leo.

About a week later which involved a lot of crying and screaming, the krang brodacast a live footage of torturing Leo (my boi) before krangyfying (did i spell that right) him.

And now the krang have leo on their side. Leo, who knows everything there is to know abt the resistance (hes a gossipy bitch but thats only cuz its important to have the intel) so they are in deep shit now.

And he was a zombie for a while guys. Fighting against him always had people dying and his fam having a mental breakdown.

Eventually they take him down, but at what cost. (One of the brothers killed him. cuz angst. And now the question is who is the MOST angst) Also, Leo is the first person to die in the resistance. (Ouch)

Casey rools up and has no fucking clue who Leo is (ouch) or why his mom wanted him to take up the role as Casey's dad (HC: Cass took one look at tge record of Leo's victories against his brothers in the lair games, strategy skills and medical knowledge; and declared that he would be Casey jr.'s father. Leo was incredibly touched)

But for some reason. For soME FUCKING REASON. Kid is so much like Leo its scary. His family is near tears everytime they see him act like that. That one time he made a shitty pun and Donnie started crying.

Well its probably due to the blue imaginary friend he has that he calls Bluey. Yes we're going towards that direction. His everything comes from being influenced by the cool older brother figure he has as an imaginary friend. (Cuz of ✨Mystic Shenanigans✨ Bluey is still stuck here. Mikey is the only one who can also see him. But he cant. Cuz hes depressed)

Also without Mr. A-Ninja's-Greatest-Weapon-Is-Hope I feel like shit gets really depressing in the resistance. Everyones sad. Baby casey is sad to see everyone sad. So he asks Bluey's help and picks up his general style of humor. Angst shenanigans.

And. AND. AND. During the whole peepaws time travel back after the movie montage (I am a aimple woman w/ simple need) these depressed hunks see this tiny version of their blue brother still covered in bandages and not fully healed from the krangvasion, and their immediete reaction? Protecc.

Leo is confused abt a lot of things. The future version of his brothers that got spat out of nowhere. Casey and how that worked w/ their Casey. The blue projection of HIS angsty future self (who is pretty cool btw). PTSD. You know, the works. At this point my guy is just vibing, and honestly? The story picks up a pretty chill pace from there. Its all abt healing now baby.

So thats the rough outline of the au. And it might sound like a fucking add but heres more abt this silly little idea that came from my silly little head. -> You'll (Never) Never Be Alone

[butterfly-casket]

Sometimes breaking down and crying to your primary care physician....works

I was desperate for answers at the end of 2023. I mean, it's been 3 years and I still don't have answers. I had lost all hope, as I was gaining new symptoms, and still no one had any idea what could be wrong. Until I read about MS, and it fit nearly all of my symptoms. I scheduled the first appointment I could to discuss it with my primary. After scheduling it, I realized I had only scheduled a 20 min appointment, and spent 4 hours getting all of my symptoms typed out with dates of when they started, how long they lasted, when they got worse. I typed out a script to communicate to my doctor all of the most important/relevant information in the most condensed form possible. I was ready to be in and out, spend 5 minutes getting him the information, and the next 15 discussing with him the plan of action.

Instead, my doc was pissed that I was even there. I had only seen his NP up until this point and he was so upset that I, a person with so many issues, had come in to see him personally the Friday before his Christmas break. He made sure to spend the first 5 minutes of the appointment interrupting me to express his frustration, and I started to feel like he wasn't going to help me at all.

I couldn't help it. I couldn't stop myself as I started shaking out of fear, and then the anger-override kicked in. I whipped out my symptom list, and his demeanor immediately changed. I told him as calmly as I could in the moment "THAT is my symptom list. Are you just not going to help me?"

He started saying "Well its just that you're going to try and make this appointment take 3 hours—" I cut him off to say "No, I wanted to make this appointment 20 minutes but you just spent the first 5 putting your problems on me." *cues the flood gates* "I've had doctors, nurse practitioners, specialists all innaccurately record my symptoms, if they ever even recorded them at all. I have to walk with a cane, I haven't been able to work for a year and a half, I have NO income, I am just trying to survive and I've been dismissed and not believed over and over again, to the point that it's effected my medical records. It makes EVERYONE think I'm fucking INSANE. I just want some help. I just need some fucking help. I just need some fucking answers. Please."

He started getting in my chart and got to business. He immediately ordered about 8 retests and 6 new ones. He got me a referral to Neurology, ordered X-rays, a swallow test, and MRIs to check for MS.

I went to the Rheumatology appointment I already had scheduled a few weeks later. I felt like the doctor was actually listening to me for the first time in forever. He made a point to record every one of my symptoms as I listed them. He seemed to care. I just came back from my swallow test today. The person performing the test acted like he read through my whole chart and was asking me a lot of questions about my other issues. He asked me if I had the MRIs yet before the test, and when going over the results he said "If it does turn out to be MS, come back to us. We will help you, figure out what works for you."

I've been terrified of being too direct with my doctors, I wouldn't even tell them the diagnosises that I thought it COULD be out of fear of them going "You've just been looking up things on the internet, I'm giving you a munchausens diagnosis." But I was desperate. It was a real cry for help. And thank fuck he saw that. Even if I still don't find answers, I've brought to their attention the mistreatment and carelessness I've been dealing with and they have decided to change that. Hopefully I will be treated like a normal human being and get my symptoms recorded correctly.

[eyeofnewtblog]

Things that happen at home:

So, it’s late fall/early winter in Colorado, which means that Outside Creatures are trying desperately to become Inside Creatures. They have a relatively easy time with this in older homes. Which is what I live in. So, obviously I’m less than thrilled about this, but it happens every year so there’s no need to freak out.

Bugs, in particular, are always attracted to the bathroom, especially the tub. Moths can at least fly out once they are dry, but they seriously creep me out. Spiders I’m honestly cool with as long as they’re at least two feet away from me. But still. Not my favorite Shower Buddy to have. (Husband is my favorite Shower Buddy.)

Now, let’s all back up 20 years or so to that one time my dad bought Starship Troopers and then let Middle Sister watch it for a week straight when she was FOUR YEARS OLD. (This started on a Monday; Friday night there was a daddy long legs in the tub at bath time and she screamed for an hour…she literally couldn’t be within 6 feet of a bug of any kind without screaming until she was about 15 years old…) And what do good big sisters do?

Stomp the ever loving fuck out of bugs, because honestly the screaming child is worse to deal with than however freaky the bug itself is.

So I have practice at killing bugs, I don’t enjoy it and prefer not to, but I CAN actually do it.

So, two mornings ago I get up and hop in the shower, only to discover that I have an unwanted eight legged Shower Buddy.

Not the end of the world, just fish him out with a shampoo bottle and proceed with my morning. Shower Buddy is unusually dark, thick, and large, but that’s about the only time I spend thinking about him. Or her. Whatever.

Until this mother fucker starts crawling up and across the shower curtain. Towards me.

And I’m a solution oriented person, so I’m just like “I would rather shower with the curtain open and clean up the water later than kill poor little Shower Buddy” which is exactly what I did.

But today. TODAY. Shower Buddy was absolutely not playing it cool in his/her/it’s attempt to avoid the water. And it’s a small fucking tub, okay?

So I’m trying to talk Shower Buddy out of this unwise invasion of my personal space.

And my husband barges in, yanks the curtain aside, and demands to know why I’m making so much noise as ass o’clock in the morning.

Shower Buddy was not a fan of the curtain being yanked. There was a definite freak out on his part.

I may or may not have imitated a screaming terrified child that was traumatized by Starship Troopers from a very young age.

Anyway, husband smashed poor little Shower Buddy with his bare hand, wiped his hand off with a piece of toilet paper, and flushed the whole mess down to its inevitable watery grave.

Also, my dad still thinks the Starship Troopers thing was hilarious, my mom is still pissed off about it, Middle Sister is a perfectly nice, reasonable adult, and my husband specifically called me at lunch just to continue mocking me.

[love-has-a-way-ofgrowingbackward]

look guys there's something weird as HELL going on with aziraphale. all three minisodes we saw gave us an insight on how his brain works and his beliefs and everything and how it leads to him making the choices he's made. right.

crowley said something weird has been going on before the attack and we know he has a sixth sense for these things but WHAT IS IT.

i think i REALLY REALLY THINK there's going to be flashbacks to season 2 scenes in s3 and we'll get context and ohhh moments. like.

1. at the mystic shop crowley puts his cap on a snake. maybe just a sneaky nod to how he was wearing a cap but maybe something more?

2. i think the way metatron says "how predictable" and when he says "are you going to take it" so deliberately. they're huge huge clues i think. i feel like the metabitch knows something i dont which pisses me off.

3. i dont understand why the job scene was shot a little different to other ones and also why crowley and aziraphale sounded so different from the scene chronologically before and after that we see in s1. except maybe the seaside bit the whole thing was. definitely odd. and its also mentioned again and again and again. biggest question i have and also one of the biggest foreshadowing in the show is the job quote from the matchbox. what is that WHY IS THAT.

will we realise parts of the job scene were fake or left out and see in s3 how the line was relevant.

4. WHAT does metatron want from aziraphale sooo badly that he went to the trouble of going through his entire earth file and carefully construct manipulation plans a through to z to convince aziraphale to come up.

unless he was unnerved that they together blocked gabriel from him and left him in the dark while actively trying not to do something powerful and he wants armageddon 2 so he can destroy earth because he's the bad guy. and he cant even feasibly start on that as long as aziraphale and crowley are together/friends/as long as, metaphorically, the bookshop is theirs.

(the bookshop wasn't 'theirs' by the time crowley left i think. they'd sort of mentally given up on that which is why at the end muriel could enter without permission i think. if the south downs thing ends up being canon then maybe the bookshop will be destroyed for real because otherwise at the end they would end up at the bookshop)

5. look one of the most terrible thing in the whole ep6 was aziraphale not paying any attention to crowley in the beginning of the confession. he's really really flustered and there's a heartwrenching theme of him staring out of the window. he's absolutely terrified of the metatron seeing them and half his mind is on him.

aaaaaghhhh losing my fucking mind. you could almost hear the quote about the straightforward love life when crowley looks at nina and maggie. that feels like a conclusion kind of? like a really happy ending just like beelzebub and gabriel had. they're both good and loved. which is why i dont feel like we'll be seeing them majorly again... maybe we will i hope we will but idk. there's.

season 2 was soft gentle romantic definitely but it was also a sherlock holmes level of mystery. except we're at the start of the story when holmes doesn't get all the facts to solve the mystery.

also random not plot related questions.

why does the sandwich woman blink so much in the seamstress scene and why does aziraphale blink so little during the last lift scene. these probably dont mean anything other than the womans mascara got in her eye or something

how does the bentley play classical music which doesnt change for aziraphale but doesn't do that for crowley? is it love i hope its love

why does aziraphale's face do something odd when he leaves crowley to talk to nina ep5? or am i reading too much into it? he was very forthcoming with the rest but with nina he was sort of quiet (?) and reserved and went away looking uncomfortable.

why did aziraphale want so badly to drive crowleys car? was it meaningful or connecting to him? i know a lot of people say the dont hesitate to ask me any questions about love scene was aziraphale giving crowley horny eyes but i thought he seemed itching and really eager to get the keys? why does he want them sooo desperately. i don't fully understand their relationship which makes me WANT TO. what happens to a person when they spend six thousand years with their only friend and companion being a hereditary enemy, watching every single thing they do?

also why was he willing to give away a book and bribe out a book for the meeting? seems overboard for someone who doesn't really seem to think about heaven checking on nina and maggie. i think tbh it had less to do with heaven's suspicions than aziraphale being the kind of person who would love an excuse to host a night of dancing and food and love (mood) and he even got to participate by dancing with the demon he loves instead of just watching! (though i suspect he really likes that as well). hmmmmmmmmmmmm.

guys the brain rot has set in someone tell me im not imagining things

[spacexseven]

I saw everyone discussing subordinate au dazai and mean!chuuya with a Very Tiny subordinate and I'd like to propose a counterpoint: darling that's significantly bigger than both of them. preface: while I personally have in mind a male!darling for this I encourage all my buff fem likers to envision that instead if thats more ur speed.

ok for dazai i think hes really gonna enjoy this, both when hes in Cruel Mode and when hes in Obsessive Mode. cruel dazai is just into it cuz he gets a very significant power trip out of forcing someone who could typically snap him clean in half to bow to his whims without question, but obsessive dazai is more. well ill just come right out and say it the man's horny. he quickly finds he rather enjoys having to look up at them or yank them down by the front of their shirt (or leash) to get a kiss. he also 1000% starts acting like a princess in this scenario. demands to be carried (and giggles about how strong and dreamy darling is the whole time), clings onto darlings arm when walking anywhere, pretending he cant open things and whining for darling to do it for him, you get it.

chuuya... hes conflicted. before hes Into darling this is just another reason on his list that they need to get their ass kicked and HES gonna be the man to do it. its such complete horseshit that this worthless nobody grunt this THIS much bigger than HIM, the executive! he pretends this doesnt bother him as much as he can but oh my GOD it grates on him every second. he hates how much they tower over him and how big their muscles are and how they could probably pick him up really easily... yeah... hates that....

once hes out of denial about his feelings he stops being such a little bitch about their height, its not THEIR fault, and theyre his most precious thing ever he couldn't possibly hate something about them! but it will be VERY hard to get him to admit to anyone that he likes how tall they are... well, maybe when hes got them alone hell be more forthcoming.

-🩹

hehe im actually taller than chuuya (not by a lot but yeah) so this is. this has me grinning lol princess dazai...i cannot stand this man1!1!! im glad we have yet another similar consensus

dazai always gets off the control and authority he has over you, but somehow the notable size difference between the two of you only has him basking in more triumph and self-satisfaction. he'll definitely enjoy the process of humiliating you any chance he gets, and he's even more thrilled when you first meet him and you don't look terrified by the end of the introduction.

(going back to our previous discussions about dazai and the leash yeessss) so dazai's idea of peak humiliation involves the infamous leash and a whole lot of name-calling. in this case, he's even more exhilarated at the sight of you all collared up and calling him master. it doesn't take anything more than a moment of you looking away to get punished now.

once dazai's obsession kicks in full force, you can expect him to be absolutely shameless. his sadistic streak seems to have vanished into thin air, because he's apparently completely helpless. both of you know dazai is more than capable of carrying things himself and that he doesn't need an escort but you also can't refuse him anyway. and unfortunately, dazai will just. stop walking. from now on he expects to be carried everywhere (unless you're too tired ofc) and you don't have a say in the matter, because he will cling onto your arm or leg and refuse to let go until you comply. he's obviously feeling you up at any chance he gets and he's 100x more clingy than before. previously, he hated when you had to look down to meet his eyes but now, he's all for it. he relishes in it, even. the grabbing you by the collar for a kiss? it's all he does, so don't even try to stop him.

chuuya's convinced this was on purpose. why else would they recruit you if not to piss him off?? if you think you're so much better than him, just you wait! he'll humble you and put you back in your place. you don't have to do anything for him to feel slighted and ready to fight. he's so infuriated by your presence that anything can set him off.

he's overcompensating for his insecurities and his attraction to you, but he doesn't want to admit it. he's provoked by how built you are and how tall you are and how you're looking down on him! and you easily you can pick him up and throw him around and. he hates everything! 100% not intrigued at all, and he definitely does not want to put his thoughts to the test.

but afterwards, when he's finally come to terms with the fact that he's harboring an unhealthy obsession with you, he's all...understanding about it. chuuya goes on about how it's totally out of your control that you're so tall but he loves you and he doesn't care about it. he's indifferent towards it yep no internal desire towards this aspect of you. just like dazai though it's quite obvious he's more than neutral about your height. he doesn't complain about it and he definitely doesn't seem to hate having you grab you by the collar. he's all for it...because...it's asserting dominance...and not for any other reason. (give him some time to warm up and then he'll be almost as shamless as dazai)

[graaaaaayy]

Book reviewwwww

Scythe by Neal Shusterman. probably spelled that wrong, but I can’t be bothered to verify. Anyway, 6.5/10

Let’s start with the list of things I liked, because that one’s shorter.

you guys better give this notes cause it takes an embarrassingly long time for my dyslexic ass to write a 1k word review with everything almost everything spelt right.

SPOILERS BELOW

Goddard died, thank goodness he was starting to get on my nerves

Faradays alive, fucking called it

the thunderhead is very intriguing I want to know more about it. Every dystopian setting has to have ‘its thing’ to set it apart, which ironically makes them similar. The thunderhead should be a plot hole ridden cliche but it stands out, because it’s very carefully written. We don’t know much about it but whatever we do know just piques one’s curiosty even further. 10/10 writing in that respect

Faraday and Curie’s romance ??? Come onnn

The goddamned High Blade himself has an illegitimate daughter. I have a love hate relationship with the dystopian genre because the mcs are usually the only ‘woke’ ones who start the revolution but here the entire frickin sycthedom is corrupted and they all know it. But nobody wants to do anything because then all hell will break loose which is exactly what we saw at the end of the book

what I didn’t like ( don’t come at me ) :

Okay, why were both citra and rowan bland as hell ? They both have exactly one personality trait. Rowan never shuts up about being the lettuce like that makes him special - have you ever heard of this concept called being the middle child buddy ? - and citra’s whole thing is that she’ll always say whatever she’s thinking. You and me both but at least that’s not my whole personality girl.

I WANT MORE BACKSTORY ABOUT THE AGE OF MORTALITY AND THE THUNDERHEADS WAY OF GOVERNING AND NANITES AND REVIVAL CENTERS AND ECONOMIC INEQUALITY AND CELEBRITIES AND LAW ENFORCEMENT AND I DIDNT GET IT. It wasn’t even to build suspense or anything it was just sloppy world building. And before you tell me an author can’t write a 700page novel, first off yes they can and second the first half of the book dragged on so much that I nearly gave up on reading it. Some of that could’ve been sacrificed for actual world building and plot.

Rowan and Citra kissed once, one time and basically the next time they have a conversation they’re proclaiming their love for each other ? And Citra had absolutely no proof that rowan hadn’t been corrupted, the guy snapped her neck, seemingly participated in goddards massacres ‘willingly’ and then she’d just heard that he shot a family member in the head during his test before the instructions were fully given. Why the hell would she just let him go ?

the way people react to scythes changed drastically from start to finish. People just went from terrified grovelling to just showing up to their parties ? What happened to ‘you never know if a scythe is just gathering people to glean them ? Especially Goddard who’s known for mass gleaning.

if the thunderhead had indeed done away with everything that was harming humanity then why didn’t it get rid of the concept of celebrities ? Consumerism still seems to exist. It’s got more cons than pros. Why isn’t there AI law enforcement that can’t succumb to bias ?

The klunky world building deserves another mention because it really pissed me off

If Goddard ( bad guy ) was smart enough to have cronies that hung on to his every word, then why couldn’t Faraday, Curie etc ( supposed good guys ) also rally together and secure allies so that they’d be ready when the inevitable uprising arrived ?

okay I know some of this is because of ‘undisclosed plot purposes ^TM’ but it could’ve been done better. That is all. Goodbye

[violets-and-books]

I also never received my goods. Please I want to read this so bad 😭 I'll take a nap for it 🙌

Here's the answer, Lore (literally, the full synopsis of my work, start to finish). Now go to sleep

I'm adding a keep reading because there is going to be a lot

Okay, so first of all, it's set in the show universe and this is for a very good reason, I promise you. In Shadow and Bone s2, Wylan is introduced. This is important because they speed up wesper's arc (which a lot of people are mad about but I don't honestly mind, I feel like it was still in character and I love the way they did it and, hey, they were the only happy couple in s2 so-). Anyway, the important thing is that at the end of s2, the Crows don't know Wylan's a Van Eck. Apart from Kaz, he does hint at it

So, basically, my fic idea (Bow Before Your King is the title, I'm quite proud of it) is set in the show universe. At the start of the fic, we have like one chapter of everything being alright for wesper. Kaz says they've got a new job. (Matthias is still in jail, btw, this is pre-Ice Court) They've got all the Crows apart from Matthias. Kaz's job is pretty big money and also surprisingly easy. There's a new exhibition coming to the Ketterdam Museum of Culture about an ancient Zemeni king - from long before the monarchy in Novyi Zem was abolished. Supposedly, a lot of the exhibit is solid gold. All they need to do is rob it.

Inej doesn't like it. Neither does Jesper. They've still got to go but Inej doesn't believe in stealing sacred artifacts, she thinks no good will come of it. And Jesper grew up in Novyi Zem, he learnt all about the legend and urban myths of curses and ghosts these kings protected their treasure with. Either way, they've got to do the job tonight.

Jesper nips round to Wylan's workshop for some distraction, where Wylan is packing for the job. Jesper notices some post on his table. Wanting to be helpful, he scoops it up and flicks through it. Most of its bills but one letter catches his attention. It's thick and good-quality and written on expensive paper. It's sealed with a wax crest with a laurel crown on it. A Mercher's writing to his boyfriend, but why?

Jesper asks Wylan about it. Wylan gets terrified and begs him not to open it, tells him it's just junk. Jesper calls absolute bullshit and opens it anyone. Out loud, he reads

Wylan, My son, if you can read this, know that I miss you and am begging you to come home. Please, if you can read this, come back to where you belong. Your father, Jan Van Eck

Jesper explodes at Wylan (which is honestly, quite understandable). He feels betrayed and lied to and they have this massive fight, Wylan defending himself and Jesper saying he thought he could trust Wylan to listen to his truth and tell the truth. (at this point in the series, we know Jesper's a Durast and about his mum and everything). I've got a brilliant little piece of dialogue which is just *chef's kiss*

Wylan: I learnt very quickly you had to lie to survive in the Barrel

Jesper: This isn't survival, Wy. This is us

^^^ This is how they go to the job. Keep that in mind while you read the rest of this

They go to the job, pissed off and not talking to each other. Inej notices and sidles up to Jesper, checking he's okay. In whispers (cos they're in a museum at night), Jesper explains the whole thing to her. He asks if anyone knew Wylan was a merchling. Inej says that she knew

J: What?!

I: Kaz knew too. And where do you think he gets his information from?

J: So does everyone know about my boyfriend's past but me?

It doesn't exactly make Jesper feel better (especially considering he was going to tell Wylan he loved him-). In this state of mind, he's feeling pretty reckless

They split off into groups when they reach the exhibition to find what they're looking for, which is a solid gold altar. Inej and Nina go off on their own while Kaz, Jesper and Wylan explore another side of the room.

Jesper finds the altar. Wylan tells him to be careful. Jesper scoffs and, true to book form, snarks at him and calls him 'merchling'. He leans his hand on the altar and tells Wylan that "nothing's going to happen."

Jesper gets possessed. By the soul of an ancient, young Zemeni king called Rhamani III, who was killed on the very altar Jesper leaned against. Once they all get over the language barrier (which involves a very annoyed Nina and Wylan slapping Rhamani, at Nina's insistence), they realise what a massive problem this is.

Not only does Rhamani have a Zemeni accent, he acts nothing like Jesper. He doesn't stand like him, he doesn't talk like him, he doesn't have the same opinions. He doesn't even know how to fire a gun. The only thing Jesper and Rhamani have in common is flirting with poor Wylan (who is, at this point in time, still in a relationship with Jesper that he's very committed to, despite them having fought)

Kaz insists Rhamani needs to stay out of the Barrel while they sort this out and instructs Wylan that he'll have to share his workshop (which is on Rozenstraat, a little way away from the Barrel) with Rhamani. Rhamani is delighted, Wylan is not.

While Kaz, Nina and Inej try and find a way to un-possess Jesper, Rhamani spends all of his time flirting with Wylan and distracting him from his work. Oh, and trying to convince him to break up with Jesper because, apparently, "Jesper lacks security as a lover. Security I can provide." He also thinks Jesper's powers are a curse, which he states. Multiple times. Yay... Jesper can still hear everything that's going on, by the way.

(so he also hears when Wylan turns Rhamani down and admits to him that he loves Jesper, for everything and despite everything)

Kaz brings a load of old Zemeni books to Wylan's workshop for Rhamani to work on. Rhamani, after Wylan asked him, said he wanted to help find how to 'free Jesper'. He starts reading one of the books and finds something. Wylan notices it in his face (he's very bad at hiding his emotions) and asks him about it. Rhamani accuses him and says he could just read it for himself. Rhamani is a king, not a commoner who reads to people. Wylan admits that, no, he couldn't just read it himself and if Rhamani has access to all of Jesper's memories (which he does) why didn't he know that already?

Rhamani makes up some excuse and Wylan accuses him of lying. They have a row and Wylan leaves. He heads to the Crow Club, where he finds Kaz, bleeding

In Kaz's words, he "walked into a fight I couldn't walk out of". Wylan gets him to admit that he needs Jesper just as much as the rest of them.

Wylan goes back to his workshop. Rhamani doesn't apologise but he doesn't mention the reading thing again. He tries to make a physical come-on to Wylan and Wylan very possibly breaks his nose. He runs again.

When he gets back to his workshop with Inej as backup, he finds the place is trashed. Chemicals and glass are strewn about the floor and the vapour makes him gag. Rhamani's passed out inside and Wylan saves him, much to Rhamani's surprise. They go to the Crow Club and lock Rhamani in Jesper's room. Wylan cleans up his workshop and tries not to cry about it.

Back at the Crow Club, the crows are trying a variety of techniques to get Rhamani to tell them how to lift the curse and free Jesper. He won't talk. When Wylan gets there, he appeals to the side of himself that Rhamani's always shown. He kneels beside Rhamani's chair and implores him, as a subject would, to return their friend to them. Rhamani concedes and tells them. The other crows are incredibly surprised at Wylan being able to do that. He just admits that A) he's grown up around men like that and B) you just need to know what side to appeal to to seem helpless

They go back to the exhibit and Jesper gets un-possessed (idk how yet but shhhhhh). Jesper and Inej have a little reunion but Wylan hangs back with Kaz. He wants to run to Jesper and hug him and cry that he's alright but he doesn't. He's scared to.

(also, in a deleted scene for the show, Jesper asks Wylan to move in with him so, that's what this next scene is about)

That night, when Jesper's in his room, there's a knock at the door. It's Wylan, bringing him some tea and coming to collect his stuff. When Jesper asks why, Wylan admits he didn't think Jesper would want him after what happened. They talk about the fight and it's all very cute and very soft and they make up. The end!

Now, you've got what you wanted. Please go to sleep