#and lately seeing other people's stories and representation has helped me out too

[juletheghoul]

Let Me Follow (Part 6)

AN: Phew! So this was fucking torture. I don't even know how to explain how hard it's been for me lately. Interaction on this site has been abysmal-and while I know we do this for fun, it sort of feels like I'm talking to myself sometimes. It's so hard to not take other people's success personally but I am trying! I have such a clear vision of where this story will go, and I have so much planned that I don't want to give up. I figured the best way to build up my self-esteem, build up my confidence was to go back to how I did it in the beginning, just write, and post. I've done my best to edit this myself, but it hasn't been beta'd. Hopefully, it pays off, enjoy! xo (enjoy the softness before the storm😅)

Joel Miller x F!Reader

Pairing: Joel x F!Reader

Word Count: 4K

Warnings: (18+ NO MINORS) angst, language, age-gap (about 10-11 years, legal, reader is of age), Yearning, post-apocalyptic world, piv sex (wrap it up!), the softest version of this Joel that I've written to date, Grief, panic attack / ptsd / nightmare

Let me know if I missed anything!

reblogs are appreciated

Masterlist Series Masterlist

It felt wrong to smile, almost silly. How could anyone smile with how things were in the world? With Johnny gone, with the pounding pain in the back of your head, with the effort and the hunger shredding a hole through your insides—you’d wipe it off your face. Had managed to keep it off for a long time, but then an animal had jumped onto the road and Joel’s arm had shot out in a protective gesture and it had creeped back in. 

“Looks like the rest of the way is on foot.” What had started out as a grinding noise, had quickly turned into dark plumes of smoke from the engine, filling the car with an acrid smell. “Shouldn’t be too far now, few hours.” His scowl was in place, but you saw it differently now–saw it for what it was. A mask, a representation of what this world did to you.

“We can manage that.” Ellie was grabbing her pack, helping Luke with the door before making her way towards the direction Joel pointed you all in. 

“Yes, we can definitely manage that.” You smiled at her, wincing slightly at the way your head pounded. 

“You okay, Sunny?” His hand lands gently on the side of your neck, turning your face towards his. “You can walk, right?” His hand sweeps up, prodding gently at the throbbing goose egg on the back of your head.

“Yeah, I’m okay, my head hurts like a bitch though. Need water soon.” His scowl seems so different now, it’s worry you see there now, instead of anger. He nods once, lingering for a moment before turning and leading the way. Luke doesn’t comment on the exchange, just gives you a small smile and follows Joel, but Ellie; she gives you a toothy grin and a thumbs up. 

Hours pass, thick trees give way to open space. A vast, beautiful landscape stretching out before all of you, seemingly untouched. Everyone is quiet, but alert as you all move closer to your destination. 

“How much longer do you think we have left, Joel?” Ellie is lagging a little bit, the hunger and thirst evident in her voice. 

“Shouldn’t be too much longer.” He turns to look at her, slowing down to let her catch up but he tenses at the sounds of horses just over the ridge in front of you. His gun flies up, but there are too many. Instantly you’re all surrounded by armed people on horseback, twenty people at least. “Get behind me.” He raises his hands in supplication, letting the gun fall onto his shoulder. “We ain’t lookin’ for any trouble, we’re just passin’ through.” 

“Drop the gun.” The person in front of Joel has a rifle pointed at him, a lot of them have guns pointed at the four of you. They have coverings on the lower halves of their faces, the one closest to Joel is yelling, and Joel drops his gun. “You-” He gestures to you, Luke and Ellie. “Take five steps back, separately.” 

“How about we just talk this through-” Joel starts to speak before anyone moves. 

“How ‘bout you shut the fuck up.” The man cuts him off, and gestures to the rest of you. 

“It’s okay, do what he says, we’ll be okay.” You nod at Ellie, moving away from Joel, your own hands up. 

“You been near infected?” The man asks no one in particular. 

“There’s no infected out here.” Joel responds.

“The hell there ain’t!” The man answers before whistling, from somewhere behind them another man emerges with a dog. “Last chance for a bullet, if you’ve been infected, he will smell it, and he will rip you up.” The dog barks, and your heart sinks. Ellie looks to you, big eyes pleading and you take a tentative step towards her, stopping when another of the riders points his gun at you. The dog makes his way over to Joel, sniffing at his feet for a moment before rising up, friendly. 

“Like I said,” Joel calls out. “We’ll just move on.” 

“Now the rest of you.” The man calls out, and the dog sniffs Luke, and then you, moving on lastly to Ellie. Your stomach drops and your hand inches towards the knife in your pocket but after a tense breath, the dog licks Ellie’s hands. You can’t help but take a deep breath in relief. 

“You just bought yourself more seconds.” The man doesn’t lower his gun. “What are you doin’ out here?”

“We’re just lookin’ for my brother, that’s all, nothin’ more.” A woman rides forward at his words, her dark eyes focused intently on Joel’s face. 

“What’s your name?” She asks him. 

“Joel.” He answers, and it’s the magic word. She gestures for them to lower their guns. “Joel Miller, right?” She lowers the covering. 

“Yeah, do I know you?” His voice is thick with confusion. 

“I know Tommy, come on, we’ll lead you to him. Give them a few horses.” She calls out the command to no one in particular, but they rush to obey her nonetheless. 

-

You ride with them, nervously clutching Joel where you sit behind him on the horse they gave him. 

“You’re okay Sunny, just hold on. Don’t squeeze your thighs.” He speaks low and you take a deep breath.

“Sorry, I’m afraid of falling off.” You tighten your grip on him, squeezing tightly around his middle. 

“I won’t let you.” He presses his hand to yours, reassuring you. 

It isn’t long before you arrive at a high wall, with people walking along the top of it. A giant gate is closed to all, until Maria–the woman on the horse gives a signal, and the giant gate opens up for your party. The scene that greets you just inside the gates shocks you into silence. It’s a town, a lively, inhabited, working town. People mill about a central high street, kids play and watch your party move through the street with curiosity instead of fear. 

It’s a lot to take in, working lights and shops seemingly open and in good condition, scaffolding and people repairing things–working together. 

“Tommy!” Joel yells out, startling you and you see one of the men on the scaffolding turn and look, rapidly making his way down while Joel dismounts the horse you’re sharing and runs towards him. It makes you smile to see and hear Joel so happy, to see him find his own brother and it makes you think of Johnny. 

I wish you could have seen this place, Johnny.

–

The food tastes too good to keep any semblance of decorum, instead you shove it into your mouth faster than you can chew it, breathing deeply through your nose in order to fill your belly. Maria and Tommy sit across from the three of you in what was essentially a town cafeteria–Luke had been taken straight to the town doctor and you’d all been assured he’d be fed. 

Joel speaks, Ellie argues, and you keep quiet. Tommy and Maria are an item, and if you had to hazard a guess, Tommy has been less than kind in his description of his older brother. There’s something in the air between them, Maria and Tommy, the two of them versus Joel. A look of judgement in her gaze and it raises your hackles. 

“The house across the street from us is empty, the one next to it too if you wanted your own place–” She looks at you but Joel cuts her off. 

“We stay together. The three of us.” He reaches over, taking your hand in his. Tommy isn’t the only one who’s found someone and it makes your heart soar to have him claim you openly like this. 

“That works.” She smiles politely, Tommy too. “How ‘bout a tour?” Joel nods, and you make your way out, with a full belly and a full heart.

-

The town is well and truly a marvel, the culmination of hard work, strategic location and the well oiled machine that is their patrol. They’ve managed to rebuild a functioning, safe town; full of most of the comforts the world had had before, only on a much smaller scale. You keep quiet as she guides the three of you through their little corner of normalcy, unable to stop yourself from noting where all of the supplies are kept, where the food stores are, how many horses are in the stable. 

There’s a tense energy flowing between Joel and Tommy, something unspoken in the air, an anger, a resentment and you can’t exactly blame Joel for his share of it. His brother has been here, safe and happy, with a purpose–content to leave his brother in the dark in order to protect what they have here. You can almost understand why, there’s something else though, something in the way Maria watches Joel that plants a seed of suspicion in your brain. Your suspicion deepens and if you had to hazard a guess, he’s told her some unsavoury things about the man you’d come to–what, love? The thought is sobering, you push it away. 

Maria suggests showing you where you’ll be staying, mentions getting cleaned up while she moves away from them, gesturing for the two of you to follow, and with a nod from Joel, you do.

-

The house was furnished from before, everything old and a bit dusty, but otherwise in good condition. Relatively clean, working lights, a hot shower. Heaven. You stay in there a little longer than necessary, too content in the warmth of the water to make it as quick as you’d planned. Your little trailer–although having served as an oasis by today’s standards–didn’t hold a fucking candle to this. 

You smile to yourself, picturing Joel melting in the warmth, his handsome face tipped back in unadulterated joy. It almost made you regret not waiting for him, almost. That first time Johnny had rigged up the trailer to catch rainwater and figured out a way to somehow connect the whole thing to a powersource and heat it, that same feeling coursed through you now as the steam filled the ensuite, only now it was painted with a bittersweet brush. You’d gotten good at pushing away thoughts of Johnny and what could have possibly–probably–happened to him, and you did it again now. You forced his breezy smile, his dumb jokes, the comforting piece of home that he’d been out of your mind and focused on getting clean. 

Maria had left some clothing for the three of you in the house, doing a remarkably accurate job at guessing what would fit and once dressed, Ellie had run out of the house, itching to explore. It served you well enough. It gave you time to rest and to regroup. It gave you a chance to think about exactly what it was you wanted to do now that something like this was an option. 

—

The house looks normal, really normal. Not just the normal he’s had to adjust the definition of the word to over the last twenty years, either. It’s just a house. It’s just a suburb, just a neighbourhood relatively untouched, by the ravages of the last two decades. A two-story home with good bones, a home he imagined could be stable for him, for Sarah. 

The thought of her forces the air out of his chest, punches it out of him with the force of a gunshot. He hadn’t let himself think about her in so long that it shakes him, freezes him where he stands on the porch like some sort of statue. It had been twenty years since he’d lost her, and yet he can still smell her hair in his nose, can still feel the weight of her in his arms, can still hear the sound of her voice and it breaks his heart all over again. He squeezes his eyes shut tight and lets the anger, and the hurt, the rage of his monumental loss pass engulf him.

His heart pounds in his chest, the blood it beats booming like a drum in his ears. His vision blurs as he stands there, terrified and bewildered, swaying as though caught in a massive wave and struggling to breathe. His hand shoots out and he braces himself against the wall of the house. He focuses on the brick under his hand, the grit of it digging into his palm. 

Breathe Joel, breathe. 

His lungs fill with air. 

In. Out. Repeat.

His vision eventually clears as he catches his breath, the pounding in his ears lessens and he finally feels like he can move his legs and after a few more steadying breaths, he leaves whatever the episode was, and the memory of his daughter on the porch. 

—

He groans as he makes his way up the stairs and you can’t help but smile, anticipation and excitement and a whole bunch of feelings you can’t, or maybe won’t name swirling in your gut as you wait for him to find you. The scowl is there when he finally opens the right door, his eyes burning into yours but there’s something else there too. 

“Everything okay?” You sit up at the sight of him, pale and no doubt clammy by the looks of him, “Did something happen?” The fear doesn’t creep, it slams into you. 

“No no, everythin’s okay. Just tired.” His eyes soften, but only a little. “You look…cozy.” He raises an eyebrow at finding you in bed, quite obviously cleaned up and relaxing. “Shower working?” 

“Yes, I am very comfortable. It’s a real bed, Joel—real blankets and a real house… lights and hot water.” You can’t help but gush, and smile and kneel up to speak to him, “go, go shower and get clean. Maria brought us some clothes, here—“ you all but crawl out of the bed and rush over to the dresser, grab him a towel and soft sleep things, hurrying to shove them into his hands. 

“Hold your horses, girl—where’s Ellie?” He quirks his head, listening for her.

“She’s fine, in the bedroom down the hall, she was passed out when I checked in on her about an hour ago. Now go! Get clean, mister.”

“Okay okay, Sunny, I’m goin’.” Both his tone and his smile are soft, “be right back.” He grumbles halfheartedly, but does what you ask all the same. 

He takes just as long as you thought he might, the hot water and steam casting its spell on him, just as it had on you. 

“Jesus Christ,” He looks so much softer than you’ve ever seen him, standing at the door in a loose shirt and some boxer shorts, holding his dirty pile of rags, “that was the best shower I’ve taken in years.” He sets down the pile before making his way over to the bed. 

“Life Changing, truly.” You smile up at him, giddy at the thought of having him here, safe and protected, in a real bed. “I had almost forgotten what it was like.” You move in a little closer as you speak, itching to snuggle up to him, but keeping your distance all the same. Despite his kiss, his open declaration in the dining hall, it wasn’t easy to forget being pushed away.

“The little setup you had was pretty good.” He must see the doubt, must see the way your fingers twitch with want and he makes the first move, pulling the blanket up and opening his arms. You crawl into his embrace with a toothy grin.

“Nowhere near as good as this.” You bury your face into the skin of his neck and inhale, eyes rolling into the back of your head when his clean scent hits you, “God, I love soap.” You all but moan it into his neck and he laughs, a genuine, deep rumble that fills your heart with something.

“Yeah I bet you do, I’m sorry about the state of me before. You smell pretty great yourself.” He wraps himself closer too, skimming his nose along any inch of skin he can reach and it’s almost as if the world outside doesn’t exist. This is the only thing that matters. Him, you, this bed—Ellie, safe in her room. 

“I scrubbed a lot, l probably took off a few layers of skin.” You run your fingers through his hair, basking in the feeling of his touch, basking in his voice and the soft caress of his breath against your skin. Ignoring the tiny little voice that warns he might change his mind later.

Stop that, just enjoy a good fucking thing here.

You scold yourself, bringing your focus back to him.

“Me too, reckon I needed it, bad.” His hands move from your back, up to your skull and you wince when he touches the goose egg. “Still hurts? I should go find Tommy, see if he’s got any painkillers for you.” He almost goes to move away and while your heart sings at his readiness to leave the comfort of this to take away your pain, your fingers dig into his back and hold.  

“Don’t you dare.” He laughs, and gets back into place.

“Yes ma’am, I’ll do it in the morning.” He takes another look at where you’d been hurt before tucking you close, and pulling the blanket up over you both. “It feels so strange to lay here, almost normal.” 

“I know, it’s almost too weird.” Your leg lifts of its own accord and hooks over his middle, “I have my knife on the nightstand beside me, but I almost feel like I should have it under my pillow.”

“I know what you mean, been livin’ in fear a long time. That doesn’t just go away after a hot shower and a good meal.” His hand comes down and holds onto your thigh, as though you’d both done this a million times, you smile into his neck. 

“Can we stay here?” The question has been there all day, burning a hole in the back of your brain and into the tip of your tongue, “Do you want to stay here?” 

“I don’t know, I don’t even know what I’d do with myself here.” You bite your lip at his admission, “If you wanted to, I would. I’d go wherever you go.” His tone is soft again, his eyes averted and you can see it’s hard for him to admit that out loud. “I know I’m hard to be around sometimes, but I’m tryin’.” His hand sweeps up your thigh as he speaks, giving himself something to focus on, ground himself with.

“I know, Joely. I can see it.” You lean in and kiss his cheek, pressing yourself closer to him, pushing past the lump in your throat to speak. “Once Ellie does what she needs to do, we can all live here.”

“We’ll have to see how that goes, her and the fireflies.” He says nothing more, and you leave it there.

A yawn slips out and before you’ve even finished, he’s reaching over and turning off the light on his side. His arms, the soft sweep of his hands on your skin, his voice in your ear and his lips at your temple all work their magic and lull you into a deep, dreamless sleep.

His whole body twitches, and that’s what wakes you up, bleary eyed and half terrified. You barely have time to rub at your eye with the heel of your hand before he’s moving again, his head jerking side to side and you call to him, but he doesn’t hear you.

“Joel, wake up,” you put your hand on his shoulder, softly, “Joel!” 

He lurches forward violently, his arms flailing in the darkness and you know he’s still in the nightmare, the terror bleeding through into reality for a moment before he realizes where he is. 

“It was just a bad dream,” you reassure him, keeping your voice soft and calm, “you’re okay, come.” You open your arms to him and even though he’s awake, he still takes a few deep breaths before moving. Whatever he’d dreamt, it had been bad. He breathes hard as he settles beside you, the sheen of terror shining on the parts of his face illuminated by the moon filtering into the room. “Do you want to talk about it?” You run your fingers through his hair, doing your best to soothe him. 

“I–” He frowns, opening his mouth, then closing it, and repeating the action a couple of times before answering again, “It’s just, everythin’.” He lets go of a big breath, and melts into the bed, melts into you. “I just, I dreamt somethin’ bad happened–I think. I don’t even know anymore.” his breath fans across your skin as he speaks, raising goosebumps in its wake.

“I get it,” You press your lips to his neck, “Happens to me too, sometimes.” 

The novelty of this moment isn’t lost on you, the stark contrast between when you first met and now would have been unbelievable to you back then.  

“First night in a real bed, and this is what happens.” He scoffs in the dark. The words are meant to be light, but he can’t hide the annoyance threaded in the tone.  

“Well, we could take advantage,” your thumb brushes against the plump of his lower lip, but you don’t push it further, “what do you think?” He almost doesn’t let you finish your sentence, instead his mouth presses against yours, forestalling any further conversation, and filling your stomach with butterflies. 

It’s almost embarrassing how fast your body responds to him, the trail his hands leave across your skin like an electric current. His palm skates up under the loose shirt and finds the weight of your breast, his thumb brushing over the stiff peak in sync with the groan he feeds directly into your mouth. You scramble to get closer, feeling the frantic energy in his hands and matching it.

It feels so fast, feels like just a moment before you’d been sleeping and not clamouring to eat each other alive. But it also feels so slow, like no matter how hard you both breathe one another in, no matter how quickly you rip off each other's layers, you cannot get close enough, fast enough.

It’s then that the realization hits you. There, on the edge of this bed that isn’t yours, but could be. It’s there when the layers are finally fucking gone, when your mouths are fused together but barely moving, when you’re finally fully seated and your aching pussy is stretched around the thickness of him. 

I love you.

His forehead rests against yours while you sit on him, snug, and tight, and wet. The two of you sharing each other's breath, the nightmare forgotten, or most likely repressed. You try to shoo the thought away and focus on the way he feels, on the way he fills you so perfectly. You focus on the hands that hold onto your ass, on the broken moans he breathes onto your skin.

God, I love you.

It pops up again, unbidden and you frown to yourself, trying again to focus on him. 

“What’s wrong baby?” His eyes are on you now, his frown a mixture of pleasure and worry. “Am I hurtin’ you?” He holds your chin so tenderly, it makes your heart ache.

“No, Joely, it feels so good.” You kiss him, relishing in the fact that you can, but it isn’t enough because he pulls away for a moment.

“You sure?” He cradles your face in his big hands and it’s a double edged sword. It’s everything you never thought you’d have, it’s comfort and belonging, but it’s also a void. A black hole you could fall into, and never crawl out of. It’s a weakness, a stupid, wreckless risk that this world no longer seems to have any space for. You can see it, the black pit of despair in his eyes, the trust and gamble it is to love another person and it shifts like the colours of an oil slick stain on concrete when it rains. From terrifying, to beautiful. 

“I’m okay, I promise.” You press a soft kiss to his mouth again, and lie to both him, and yourself.

---

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[formulaorange]

2024 Summer Anime

Sorry I'm late on this - I'm going back to school for a second degree this fall so it's been chaos Lots to look forward to for this season!!

Oshi No Ko - Season 2 Such a killer series that I think a lot of people have been looking forward to the second season. They did a great job giving us something to look forward to in the story. Must Watch Noteworthy On-Going Shows: Tensura - Season 3 MHA - Season 7 New Seasons:

Fairy Tail: 100 Year Quest This series was one of my first "longer" shows and I still love the original series. I know it really fell off with the 2014 reboot and the ecchi scenes were ramped up but I think 100 Year Quest gives it a nice fresh start now that people kind of know what to expect.

Additional New Seasons: Kimi ni Todoke: Season 3 A romance drama that my friend has tried to get me to watch for over a decade now. Tower of God - Season 2 I never finished season 1, but I've heard that this series is supposed to be highly reviewed and anticipated. Will go back and watch season 1 to catch up. Shy - Season 2 After letting this series sit for a minute, I'm not entirely sure I'll go back and watch the second season. I think there's definitely an audience for it, but I've got my list full of other priority shows at the moment.

New Noteworthy Shows: There's lots here for everyone this season.

Dead Dead Demon's Dededede Destruction This is a big one I didn't realize was getting an anime adaptation. This is one of the highest rated manga series, I'd say of all time. I'm hyped to watch it. Done by a new studio called Production +h, the style looks perfect.

The Elusive Samurai This is a fairly new shonen jump series that has gained a lot of traction in the manga community. I haven't had a chance to check it out yet, but I've heard good things.

Rick and Morty (Anime) I have so many mixed feelings about this one. I love Rick and Morty but man, and I don't know if I want see them in Japanese/Anime since it's literally already an animations series - but then I realized, because it's produced by the same studio this could be a legitimate "version" of the series that's just a part of the canon Rick and Morty Universe which is kind of cool. Will just have to wait and see I guess.

Suicide Squad Isekai I'm completely on board with this one for some reason. Really not sure why, but it makes perfect sense to me. Honestly pretty stoked to watch it. (+ it's by studio WIT) Wistoria: Wand and Sword A kid enters magic school, although he can't use magic, he's particularly good with a sword. Almost like if Mashle were more serious and less out there? Read the first few chapters of the manga and enjoyed it quite a bit. The Magical Girl and the Evil Lieutenant Used to Be Archenemies I think this looks really cute, will give it a few episodes. (Also because it's done by studio bones) Senpai is an Otokonoko A story about a highschool boy who cross-dresses, friendships between him, another female classmate and his childhood friend who's very protective of him. I'm curious to see how the story progresses and what kind of representation will actually be show-cased in the series. (Looks wholesome) Makeine: Too Many Losing Heroines Amazingly animated slice of life of a group of girls who get rejected by the guys they like. (A1 Pictures) Plus-Sized Elf An elf that came to the human realm falls in love with junk food and now needs help and motivation to lost it. Ecchi series that I saw in manga format a few years ago that I wasn't really expecting to see an animated version for. Mayonaka Punch Has a super unique style that I'm interested to see if the story is actually worth watching at all. Delico's Nursery Same style as Mars Red - group of Vampires taking care of kids and murder mystery solving on the side. Sakuna: Of Rice and Ruin - Anime Anime adaptation of the game, animations and character design look great.

Lots to check out this season, seems like a good bunch that are actually worth watching too. Enjoy!!

[princessfbi]

okey so i need some tv recs for this hiatus 911 fan overall procedure fans i guess that's all the vibe i can think of to ask lol so hit me with your recs

EXCELLENT! So glad you’ve come to me Nonnie. I am honored. This is in no particular order but in terms of general procedurals with similar 911 vibes I’ve got a couple:

1. Sirens

It’s about a paramedic team in Chicago and it’s fucking hilarious. We're talking laugh out loud can still quote it from memory hilarious. There’s two seasons and each episode is about 25 minutes so it’s easy to get through. There is a British counterpart that is also funny but it’s definitely a different tone for sure.

**If you were a fan of Arrow then you'll recognize Josh Segarra

***Also you can scream with me and @lucydonato about the show

2. ER

I always describe 911 to people as ER for first responders. Part of that is because it’s so episodic. It gets really melodramatic at times and there are a LOT of story lines but for the most part the general stakes keep to one episode at a time and the show gives you permission to let things go which is nice. I’m a fan of the earlier seasons as opposed to the later seasons but Angela Bassett is in the last season. Lots of great guest spots and very character driven.

**Characters do die in this show so be aware of MCD warnings. No one is safe in that show. Except maybe Noah Wylie but that's cus it's Noah Wylie.

3. Numb3rs

It’s an awesome crime procedural with a twist on it. The oldest brother, Don, is an FBI agent who has his baby brother, Charlie, help him solve crime using math. This show has all the tropes too. Brother relationship, found family, etc etc.

4. Psych

It’s a procedural with a much lighter tone. Shawn pretends to be psychic and solves crime. It’s chaotic and messy and wonderful and perfect.

**Gives me coming home from the pool and vegging on the couch summer vibes.

5. Castle

On the same side of the coin, it’s another procedural with a twist. Castle is a successful mystery novelist who helps solve crime. Nathan Fillion for those fans of The Rookie and there's a lot powerful female characters in it.

6. Murder, She Wrote

MSW walked so that Castle could run. This is an oldie but a good. Angela Lansbury is a mystery writer who solves crime. It’s super cool knowing that she insisted on hiring a lot of older guest stars so that they could continue to be in the union and get their benefits. Also omg the 80s/90s wardrobe. There's also a couple of episodes with other detectives and crime solvers when Angela started to get tired carrying the weight of quality television on her shoulders.

7. Drop Dead Diva

THIS is such a good law procedural. It has the added bonus as having the same casting director as 911 so you’ll see a lot of familiar faces. But Deb is a model who died and got reincarnated in the body of a plus size lawyer named Jane and it’s the most wonderful little nugget that just existed in its own space. It was SO ahead of it's time on certain issues and it deals with a variety of topics such as body shaming, slut shaming, mental health, etc in such a kind and compassionate and positive way.

**Gives me late summer 'I haven't moved from the couch and omg it's season three' vibes

8. Scorpion

A team of geniuses (with neurodivergent representation in action genre scenarios) who help solve crime and crisis situations for homeland security. Lots of found family feelings! SO MANY! Big time character driven show.

9. White Collar

A white collar criminal agrees to help solve crime with the FBI agent who arrested him. Neal is so whumpable and it's one of the few times I've seen a fandom really embrace the idea of a poly relationship in fanon? Idk I wasn't really in it but the fics I saw all seemed to agree that no one would complain if Peter, Neal, and Elizabeth all lived happily ever after with their golden retriever. NOW, I will say this is a Jeff Eastin show and he has a tendency to take the amazing female characters in the show, throw them in a blender, and then bring them back as Frankenstein's monster bride and act like he didn't just ruin their character and it drives me fucking insane. BUT those first couple of seasons are fantastic.

Ask Me for TV Recs To Get You Through Hiatus

[twomanyfandomshelp]

I’m rewatching Heartstopper because I literally cannot wait until October 3rd and I need more of this show pumped directly into my veins. It comes out two days after my seventeenth birthday, which is kinda exciting. But I digress.

I literally watched the whole first season today, which is quite impressive considering I actually did a lot of other things and didn’t start watching it until about two in the afternoon. And I finished it at like 10 pm, so it’s not like I stayed up super late to finish it either.

Rewatching this show I was giggling and kicking my feet and also yelling at the screen because sometimes the characters make kinda dumb choices and even though I already know how everything ends I still get way too invested. I just love this show so much, it’s such a comfort show for me.

My friend got me into the graphic novels right after season one released on Netflix, and after reading the whole series in two days (at the time there were four books, and soon after I found the WEBTOON and sped through that as well), I binged the entire show that day.

Heartstopper is such a pure show, and it just shows that representation is so important. I’ve heard so many stories of people realizing their sexuality (ME!) or finding the courage to come out to their parents or their friends or at school, and I think there’s just something so magical about this show.

Minor spoiler here, but Issac’s arc in season two was one of the things that kinda helped me realize that I was aroace because when I was watching the show and watching how he interacted with James and romance it made me think “huh, that’s kinda how I feel” and then I did some research (mostly comprised of scrolling the aromantic and asexual tags on tumblr, but a bit of googling as well) and realized that I’m aroace. So this show, that I already absolutely adored, suddenly became the catalyst for realizing my sexuality, and it just has such a special place in my heart. Whenever I’m sad I always rewatch the show or reread parts of the WEBTOON because it never fails to make me smile. To give me hope that there are others out there who are like me, even though all of my friends are straight and cis. And there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that, I love my friends, and they were all very supportive when I came out to them, but they just don’t understand sometimes. They don’t really understand what it’s like to be a part of the LGBTQIA+ community. To be different. It’s not like I’m out publicly, only a few of my close friends know, but it’s still hard sometimes not having anyone to talk to about all this (besides all my wonderful aspec moots of course). My irl friends just don’t understand that sometimes I feel broken, or like there’s something wrong with me. Because, even though I’m very comfortable with my sexuality, I’m in high school, and romance and sex are such a big thing, and it can sometimes be a little overwhelming or isolating when you don’t feel those forms of attraction. Especially when two of your best friends have boyfriends. And I’m very happy for them, but sometimes it stings a little knowing that I can never have that. Obviously queer platonic relationships exist, and that’s definitely something that I want for myself in the future, but it’s just different.

My mom watched the first season with me after I wouldn’t shut up about it, and then again when season two came out we watched it together (it was like my third watch through both times lol). Once season three comes out, and we see more of Issac’s arc of self discovery and figuring out his sexuality, I might end up using it as a bit of a starting point to come out to her, but I don’t know. I know that she and my dad are very supportive of the LGBTQIA+ community, but it’s just so different and scary. Any advice?

P. S. I did not mean to write this much, if you read this whole post, thank you. Thanks for taking the time out of your day to read about my ramblings.

[solitarily-sofia]

heartstopper (tv show) unpopular opinions:

tao should not have cut his hair. i feel like his hair being long was a sign of him standing by elle and growing his hair out in solidarity bc elle had mentions she got suspended bc of hair length (and taos is curled bc straight it would be past his chin which is the length elle got suspended for) also tao is supposed to be an "outcast" but now hes lowkey fineee

i wish the rugby lads had more screen time, specifically in the reoccuring line up of the three of them gossiping and being cut off by coach singh.

the whole point of the show is providing happy healthy lgbt couples so people complaining its too cheesey, cringy or unrealistic are incorrect.

i hate to say it but charlies mom may have been correct in banning him from nick until he got his grades up... maybe there was a better way of doing so but there was a clear connection bc charlie declining in school and him constantly being with nick. but i am glad how they added that to the show especially from charlies pov bc its so perfectly teenagerly and angsty lol.

i wish they had more characters not in romantic relationships especially with the implications of sahar x imogen other than issac just bc hes ace

kit and joe are the best actors in the show, both together and on their own. (i do think nearly everyone is fantastic but they are definitely the best especially kit but he has 10 more year of experience than everyone else)

most unpopular of all.. i dont love inogen as a character... i think she deserves the best but nick refering to her as one of hsi oldest, closest friends seems a bit strange seeing how most of there relationship is her having a crush on him. she provided a good subplot and conflict in season one but idk she doesnt seem to fit with the show. (this could be bc i was a comic fan first) also i think this could be different if she was a straight ally and expanding on her friendships instead but now i fee like they just wanted more queer people in the show and so they are throwing her with sahar. (the lighting was not subtle) anyway i dont think she was really needed in s2 except to keep ben, who i also dont rly think was needed, and i wonder what they do for her in season three

sorry for such a long list lol and although it may not seem like it i do truly love this show/story. feel free to disagree with any id love to hear your thoughts

Hii sorry for the late response today's been a bit chaotic.

Let's unwrap thiss

I to an extent agree with the tao one, his hairstyle really compliments his personality and he said he felt comfortable with it in season 2! And at first he only cut his hair for elle. But I personally think his season 2 hair looks better aside from that. Still love this though because it's cute that he grew it long for elle! :)

For the second one, I KNOWW!!. I would have loved to see the friendship between nick, Christian, sai and otis develop more!! However, if the show continues to follow as it does in the comics. We should see them more in season 3!! :)

With this I agree, heartstopper isn't supposed to be 100% realistic, it's meant to bring a sense of comfort to people who are struggling.

I agree that his mum probably should have handled it better but it helped Charlie in the long run so that's good. And I think she does genuinely care, but reading this winter and solitaire I can't say I'm a massive fan of her.

The imogen x sahar thing is understandable as there are a lot of queer teen relationships in the show, but the show is showing different types of queer experiences/relationships and how they come to terms with their sexuality. I understand your side though :)

Kit and joe are such incredible actors!! They never fail to have me sobbing on the floor. I MEAN THE FINAL SCENE OF SEASON 2 I WAS BALLING. And I agree the rest of the cast are so incredible too! I really loved tobies performance especially this season. It's rare to see aroace representation but he really did such a great job and it stood out to me.

And finally, with imogen (as a comic fan myself) at first I'll admit I didn't exactly LOVE her character, but it wasn't really her fault she was just a girl who liked a guy. I loved how her character developed though! I kinda think it's a good idea for imogen to be more involved because as seen in season 2 she doesn't have many friends and it would be great to see her adapt herself more to the Paris squad and maybe understand her sexuality more.

Thankyou so much for this ask I loved answering this :)

[mundanemoongirl]

I’ve read 32 books this year. Some were mysteries, some were thrillers, some were realistic fiction, and most were fantasy. So here’s my top 5 out of every book I’ve read!

But first, my honorable mentions

This Woven Kingdom by Tahereh Mafi has some of the most beautiful descriptions and wordings that I have read. I also love the Persian culture in it. I'm always fascinated when reading about different cultures and this is one I don’t know much about. It felt unique and authentic. The reason this one isn’t in my top 5 is because I felt it relied too much on tropes and the plot was a bit cliche. The second book especially suffers from this.

Going Dark by Melissa De La Cruz is a mystery I thought was so good it helped to inspire my own. It touches on important topics like racism and mental illnesses. I love how social media is used to find clues and I was so invested in the story that I stayed up late every night to know more. The only thing keeping this book from being perfect to me is that about halfway through, the backstory is told to the reader. I would have rather the characters find it out for themselves.

When I tell you I loved Forest of a Thousand Lanterns by Julie C. Dao so much I wrote a three page paper on it and submitted it for my communications final (I got an A). I love character driven stories and Xifeng is one of my favorite characters of all time. Her arc progresses at a perfect pace and I love seeing her use the few skills she possesses to get what she wants. As a dark fantasy writer, I appreciate that the book doesn’t shy away from gruesome aspects. The reason this book isn’t in my top five is because I wanted to see Xifeng’s rule as empress. That’s it. I just wanted more Xifeng.

And now my top 5 under the cut

5. The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo by Taylor Jenkins Reid

This is not the type of book I’d normally read, but it blew away all of my expectations and I absolutely adored it. At first, I didn’t really like Monique’s character. I wasn’t interested in her failed marriage and I was pretty annoyed every time she didn’t understand what was being said to her (which happens way too often), but as she learned from Evelyn I was really rooting for her.

It was Evelyn’s story that wouldn’t let me stop reading. It was similar to Xifeng in a way where she started as a girl who was pretty, but had nothing, and manipulated her way to becoming a superstar. I was especially gripped by Evelyn’s insistence that Monique will hate her. I just needed to keep going to find out why.

There were a lot of unique aspects that I liked, such as the chapter titles. They were so fun and I kept repeated them in my head. I also like how parts of the story are told through forums and news articles. Other than the fact this this is a unique aspect, I liked it because we got to hear a different perspective than the person telling the story.

Also, yay for a bisexual main character! It was done so well and respectful, and not the stereotypical cheater character. I have been waiting my whole life for this type of representation.

The last thing I want to say about this one is that Reid really makes an art of writing. There are so many quotable lines and you can tell so much thought was put into every word.

4. The Queen of the Tearling by Erika Johansen

It’s a pretty cliche story: a princess must reclaim her throne. But The Queen of the Tearling works so well because of its main character, Kelsea. She’s such a beautifully complex character. On one hand, she wants to prove herself as queen. But on the other, she wants to be free to be a teenage girl. She rules with compassion for her people. But she also has an underlying ruthlessness and short temper. She looks to the future by examining the past, and how can you not root for a character so strong that she demanded her throne with a knife in her shoulder?

I appreciate that this book didn’t go the trope route and have the ruler of the rival kingdom become Kelsea’s lover. It’s fine one time, but it’s way overdone, and Kelsee’s strengths shine through more without this trope.

I like how each chapter opens up with a quote. Like the articles in The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo, this gives the reader insight into what other characters think.

I have to say that even though this book blew me away, the last book has the worst ending I have ever read in my life. It was lazy, dismissive of the themes throughout the series, and just exasperating because it erases the growth of the characters and kingdom. I have no idea why Johansen would write it into existence and it somewhat tarnished my view on the series.

3. The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes by Suzanne Collins

Is it really surprising that a Hunger Games book is in my top 5? I was hesitant at first to read it because I thought it would be a sympathy story or a cash grab, but I'm so glad that I gave it a try because it was so much more than I thought.

I feel like it's a theme on my list that I like to see stories where something small slowly evolves into something big. That's a big part of why I love this book. We get to see how the games went from something no one liked to the sporting event we know it as. It was a bonus to see that Snow's impact on the games as well.

I loved getting back into the Hunger Games universe, especially now that we get more of what the capitol is like. I have to admit that I haven't read the original trilogy in almost a decade so my memory is a little shaky, but I don't remember anything about the capitol being poor at one point. I liked this detail and getting to know capitol kids like Clemensia because it makes the capitol more complex. Before, I only knew it as a completely evil, selfish, privileged group of people, but now we can understand it better.

I love Lucy Gray's character. As a former musician, I appreciate that her power is through song and I enjoyed reading the meaning in her lyrics. I was kicking my feet reading about the Hanging Tree song and her teaching Snow about katniss roots because they live on to haunt him 60 years later. As always, Collins knows how to incorporate so much meaning into her writing.

The only thing I disliked is that it started to drag in Part III.

2. I'm Glad My Mom Died by Jennette McCurdy

This one was heavy, but I'm thankful to McCurdy for being vulnerable and sharing this raw story. As someone who grew up on iCarly, she was an important part of my childhood. I listened to the audiobook version, which just made it all the more personal.

You can tell from the writing that McCurdy was meant to be a writer. She somehow manages to make such a sad story humorous, and I found myself getting lost in her the way she describes background information that I didn't even notice that she deviated from the main topic until she brought us back. Not to mention, the writing sounds like she is telling a story directly to you. It reminds me of experts like Bell Hooks, someone who I have described as having a style like talking to a close friend.

McCurdy also has a deep understanding of herself and her emotions, even during times in which she didn't understand nor want to understand the harm that was done to her and how she copes with it. It's obvious to the audience what's going on, but not to her, and she writes it in a way where we can understand the truth of her circumstances while also understanding her point of view from when she was experiencing trauma. I doubt many people can understand themselves this well.

Each chapter had me hooked. I kept telling myself that her life couldn't get worse, but then it did. There were times when I nearly cried, and once when I was so shocked that I involuntarily covered my mouth with my hand and couldn't move it back for a minute. This book will make you feel everything.

I hate how some people are shaming the book just because of the title because this is such an important story, and if you just read it you would understand the title completely.

Blood Like Magic by Liselle Sambury

Fantasy, sci-fi, and mystery all in one? So much diversity that you can swim in it? Quite possibly the cutest romance to ever exist? I didn't know the perfect book existed and yet here it is.

I knew this book would be a favorite of mine from the moment I saw it. You have a beautiful, colorful cover on one side, and a description on the other saying a girl has to destroy her first love in order to get magic. I still can't believe that this is Sambury's debut book.

One thing I love about Blood Like Magic (and its sequel) is that despite all the fantastical elements, the books feel so real. Voya's family feels so real because they aren't rich, they aren't powerful in a social aspect, and they aren't perfect. The cast of characters feel real because POCs, gay, and trans people are going to exist no matter what. The romance feels real because they don't instantly fall in love. The plot feels real because sometimes everything will go wrong, no matter how hard you try to make it right. And of course there's the realest aspect of them all: all Black grandmas are going to have attitude.

Ok, I have to talk more about the romance because Luc and Voya are so stinking cute. I was actually squealing and kicking my feet while reading because it's so obvious that they adore each other and can't even tell. I didn't even like the enemies to lovers trope before I read this book, but Sambury does it perfectly. I also like that she makes a distinction between physical and romantic attraction because I think it gets muddled in a lot of popular books these days.

Voya's such a relatable character. We all struggle to make decisions sometimes. We never want to be left out or hurt the people we care about. Also, her name is so pretty and it doesn't even mean anything?!

Do I even have to mention that all the different types of magic are so fun and creative? Do I even have to mention that all the advanced technology seems like it could really happen? Everyone go read Blood Like Magic and Blood Like Fate right now.

[kirihotto]

Teddy Bear {HeuningKai X Reader 16+}

→ Rating: 16+ Minors are prohibited from engaging and reading the (spice) It contains explicit content.

→ Genre: Birthday/ Cute date

→ Summary: Kai has a date planned but wont tell you what it is. You go along with this plan and have a sweet time enjoying each others company.

→ Word Count: 1 943

Disclaimer: All members are face and name claims for the story. This is entirely a work of fiction and by no means is meant to be a projection, judgment or representation of real-life people. All works are purely for entertainment purposes.

Published: 08/14/2023

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The sun shining through the curtains in an attempt to awaken me. Shining right in my eyes as my hair was flung about the soft pillows. Rolling over with a grunt I faced my back to the sun. Snuggling back in with a smile. Until it hit me.

"WAIT. What's the date?" My arm flew out from under the covers. Reaching for my phone on the side table. August 14th. The day we had planned for our date. Here I was sleeping in. Sitting up with a groan stretching my arms up in the air, phone in hand. I rubbed my face in a sad attempt to fix my sleepy state. Swinging the warm covers off my form until later, sliding my gray bunny slippers on. My cat trailing at my ankles mewling up at me. Walking in the kitchen over to her bowl. To my surprise it was already full. I paused as the fog in my brain was attempting to clear. Retracing my steps.

“Hey, you're up!” I certainly remember living alone. Quickly I whipped around to face my opponent. But once I turned around my ‘opponent’. Had a warm smile on their face. I dropped to my knees on the floor.

“Sigh..”

“Oh my gosh! I'm sorry, are you ok?!” Kai yelped, rushing to my side. Whilst the chaos was going on Frost was wolfing down her breakfast. [A/N: The gray cat.]

“Seriously.. you scared the crap outta me!” I looked up at him with a huff. Kai smirked nervously and reached his hand out to me. Holding it, he helped me up off the cold tile floor. But little seemed to matter once our eyes met. Kai’s dark curls resting above his brows perfectly. His chocolate eyes, sweetened by his smile. Then a simple outfit of a white hoodie and ripped jeans. He managed to make such simple clothes look so nice. An angel.. After my starring I let his hand go. Combing back my messy hair slightly flustered. “W-what are you doing here so early?”

“ I got a little excited..” Kai chuckled while playing with his hair. We both stood awkwardly in the kitchen.

“Agh.. I suck. I’m sorry I'm late getting up."

“You dont suck. It happens. I could help you get things ready! ” Kai’s gaze was nearly filled with glitter. Frost’s eyes also drifted my way. Two cute sets of eyes on me. My heart melted for a moment. He had come early to see me since he was so excited. Omg he’s so cute~ Kai spoke again bringing me back to my senses.“Was I too early?..”

“OH! No no. I’ll get ready here now! You know you're always welcome! Feel free to do whatever while I get ready. It shouldn't take too long. Thank you for feeding Frost as well!” Patting Frost on the head and giving Kai a little smile I walked back to my room. Flopping on my bed for a moment.

(Kai POV)

“Well then~ We can play for a bit huh?” I pet Frost while she sat in my arms almost like a baby. Wandering over to the couch with her still in my arms. “Now that I think about it, I don't come here that often. They usually come over to my place since it's more convenient. But this is so much more comfy.”

"They are so cute mh~" I sat there with a grin on my face. Until Frost awoke me from daydreaming. "Ah- sorry little one. Let's get to playing then huh?"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

(F/N POV- 20 Minutes later)

There, done! Luckily I had showered last night since I certainly wouldn't have time right now. Walking out from my room, much to my surprise Kai was laying on the floor. Various colorful cat toys scattered about. Frost was seen not too far from him. How sweet.

“I’m ready! Sorry for the wait.” I stated. Kai shot up from the floor and met my gaze. Dusting off his white hoodie.

“Ok! Let's head out..” His words trailed off as once again we locked eyes. I felt myself getting flustered from his stare.

“Glad to see you two getting along haha~” I chuckled a little to avoid the silence. “So where are we off to?”

“You’ll see! I’m sure you'll like it. Though there’s a place we need to go before we get to the main event.” Kai smiled, guiding me to the door. Giving Frost a small wave before he shut the door behind us. I could feel Kai's excitement. Which made me more and more curious about what he was planning. He had made it a point that he was planning this and didn't want me to know. But honestly it didn't matter where we were going, as long as I was with Kai it didn't really matter where we were.

Leaving my apartment building we went toward the city. It was still sunny out. But not hot enough to have to cower under an AC. There were many people walking about with various bags due to the nice weather. Walking along I followed a little behind Kai. Just admiring him as we walked and chatted a little. Stopping at a crosswalk as I caught up to him.

“The new comeback we're working on will be worth it! The coreo is hard. But y’know you have to have a fair share of both.” Kai smiled over to me and continued. I really love how he’d tell me all about himself without me having to pry or ask. The light for the crosswalk came on and just before we went to cross I grabbed his hand. “Yeonjun is seriously scary when we mess up. It’s for a good reason but- ah!”

“O-oh, What were you saying?” I asked, a silence fell between us briefly. At first I thought I scared him. But his cheeks were laced with a soft pink. As he grabbed onto my hand a little tighter. He cleared his throat and fumbled with a strand of his hair.

“Ah. Yeah. uhm. Yeonjun Hyung.” He began to speak again as we made it to the other side of the street. We continued to walk hand in hand chatting away. Kai pointed down the street on the left of us. “That’s where we're headed!”

“Where are we?” I questioned following his lead. Looking at the tall buildings and crowds of people. Then it hit me. “What’s that smell?”

“The smell is all the amazing food they're cooking up!” Kai chuckled, bringing me over a little closer to one of the stands, Our hands still intertwined. I scanned over all the food placed neatly on the table. Kai pointed to one of the desserts lying on the table after letting my hand go. “I’ll take this please.”

“Sure thing! Five thousand won please.” The man behind the table stated. Kai rummaged through his hoodie pockets, while my stomach growled. The old man laughed a little. “Are ya hungry love?”

“Yeah, everything looks so good!” I replied. He must've heard my stomach growl… The man held a huge grin on his face. Kai handed him the money, then gave us the sweets. It was a pack of three Gyeongdan. A green one with cinnamon on top, a yellow one with a small blob of icing and a pink one with a dainty white flower. “For me?”

[A/N: Gyeongdan- Korean rice cake.]

“I knew you didn't eat before we left. So, I had to bring you here.” Kai smiled sweetly at me. He gestured to my hands. “Go ahead and give it a try.”

“Mm~ amazing!” My mouth full after only one small bite. Using my hands to cover as I spoke.These things were chewy. But so fresh and not too sweet. They were also slightly cool which was great for the summer.

“Glad you like it!”

“Aren't you two just so cute? Off on a date somewhere huh?” The man asked.

“Yeah, we just needed to make a stop here for some amazing food first.” Kai blurted out with a close eyed smile, before I could even think to say anything. My face was almost lit aflame. My mouth was full of food and a comment I didn't quite know how to react to. Since he was kind of a big deal being an idol and all. Kai placed his hand on my lower back and guided me down the street. I jumped a little at the sudden contact. The small act made me even more flustered.

“You kids have fun!”

“Thank you!” Kai bowed a little as we left the stand. His focus came back to me. “You want anything else just ask. Everyone is super nice here and everything is amazing!”

“This is amazing!” I exclaimed after finally finishing the pink gyeongdan. I had spoken a lot louder than intended. But I was just a little bit all over the place, flustered. And admittedly more hungry than I thought. Nudging Kai with the package. “H-here you have one Kai.”

“Oh, you sure?” He asked, then paused his reaching hand. I nodded. “Alright then. I’ll take the yellow one.~”

When I said this was amazing I more so meant this date. But the food was amazing too. We’ve been dating for roughly eight months and have gone out a decent amount since then. Meeting up frequently to even just be in each other's presence. Such as me going to the TXT practice studio on occasion. We both love being with one another but get flustered easily. Which makes us.. An interesting pair. But I wouldn't have it any other way.

Once we finished eating we looked at a few more stalls. Planning to grab a few snacks for the way home later. Kai and I walked hand in hand once again. As we walked out of the street market back onto the main streets. Until we were going to reach the final destination for our date.

“Here we are!” Kai stated, stopping in front of one of the tall buildings not even twenty minutes away. I gawked at the neon sign trying to read it. “Come on! Let’s get started.”

“Get started?” I questioned myself aloud, Kai leading me inside by my hand. There were crane machines EVERYWHERE. All sorts of different styles of games and prizes. Not to mention all the various bright colors. Everything was so cute! While we slowly walked past a few rows of machines I was analyzing which ones I'd go back to. Looking over to see Kai doing pretty well the same thing. Until we came up to a small counter. Though there was no one in sight.

“Pretty cool huh? They have SO many machines here. This is only the first floor. Though the higher the floor the harder the game. But the higher the floor the more expensive the prize.” Kai explained to me, while I sat there like a kid with a huge grin on my face. “Hm~”

“I can't wait to play! Why didn't you tell me about this place before?” I questioned him as a lady came up to the counter. Once again he rummaged through his pockets for his wallet. I quickly chimed in before the lady met us. “Do you want me to pay this time?”

“No no, Today's my treat! I was just waiting for the perfect day we could both come here. So I could treat you with this.” Kai pulled money from his wallet. He handed it over to the lady awkwardly. “That should be enough for sixty tokens?”

“Yes! Here you go~” She bowed after handing the game coins over to us. They were silver and had a little lucky cat in the middle.

“Here, these are your thirty. Ready to go try a few machines?”

“YEAH! Though, I've never really been good at them..” I admitted. I think I've only ever won once in these games.

“That’s ok! Let’s start on the first floor then. I’m no pro but I've played enough to get by.” Again his sweet smile blessed my view. We were both full of smiles. "Now then. You go pick one with a good prize."

“Hm.. ok.” I wandered past a few machines peeking inside to see. The machines were even shorter than me. There were mostly cheap snacks in the first few. There weren't many people here at the moment for that reason. Few groups of kids and.. Couples.. Which is what me and Kai were. Coming here for a cute date.. Kai was about to face me again while I was lost in a daze and got all worked up. I flung my arm out and picked the closet one machine. “How about this one!”

Luck enough for me it looked like the basic claw machines. The prizes didn't seem too bad either. Plush animal keychains.

“Sure! Let's get you set up then hm?~” He bent down to the coin slot and held out his hand to me. “These ones are nearly impossible to lose. There only one coin to play.”

“OK!” I replied full of confidence after his words. Placing a single coin in his hand. As his nimble fingers placed the coin in the machine. The thing made a funny boing~ sound as the button and joystick lit up. He stood back up and ushered me closer. I placed one hand on the joystick and one on the button. “There. All the machines in these places are a little different. Give it a go.”

“OK!” My heart raced while I tussled with the joystick. Most likely because Kai was watching me. Aiming for the small blue rabbit looking plush. Hitting the button the claw came down towards the little thing.

“There you go!” Kai yelped from beside me. The claw had managed to pick up the little rabbit. Our eyes followed the claw to the drop box until..

“Aw..” I sighed as it hit down in the pile of small clear gems beneath it. “You said everyone could win these. Wow guess I do really suck huh? Haha.”

“We'll try again. Like I said, all these machines run differently. I’ll show you the trick for these ones.” He said confidently. “Now then. Put in another coin.”

“Here.” He spoke again as the machine lit up. Placing my hands where they had been before. Kai did the same. Placing his hands over mine. I could feel his chest slightly on my back. His breath fanned past my ear. To be honest I was focusing way more on him than the game. My heart was still racing. It wasn't from the thrill of crane games. His sweet voice drew back my attention to the game. “See there. It looks like it’ll grab right on perfectly. But no. You should aim for the head a little further to the left. For some reason these machines always like the left back corner.”

“R-right.”

“Try this spot.” I hit the button after his guidance and.. There it went!

“Yes! I got it!!” I went to face Kai with my small jump of glee. But I ended up bumping him in the chin with my head due to our height difference. Then proceeding to lose my balance as I stepped on his foot a little. He caught me by the waist, my hands on his chest as we stood there for a moment. “S-sorry are you ok?”

“Y-yeah.. Just ahem. Yeah! it just hurt a little, it wasn't that hard.” He replied letting me go. I stepped back a moment and realized his hair was all in his eyes.

“Here let me help with your hair..”

“Mm.” Kai nodded and bent down a little so I could reach. His hair was so soft. Like some sort of puppy. The color even reminded me of such. Actually. He reminded me an awful lot of a puppy. “Y know..If I had’a known you’d get this excited I would have taken you here sooner.”

“There finished.” I started giving Kai a proud smile. My hand on my hips. “Yeah it's so fun when you actually win something…. OH! My prize!”

“Haha! You were so excited to get it and you nearly forgot! let me see!”

“Ah! It's actually pretty cute! It reminds me of Soobin.” I held it up to show him while I heard a click. “HEY! Did you take a photo?!”

“Maybe… ANYWAY! Let’s go play more games!” Kai yelped as he ran off. That little… We followed each other around for a little while on the first floor. Getting the feel for things. I had managed to get two more things on my own. First try I might add. A strawberry soda and a small change purse. While Kai had gotten only one thing. A small keychain of the infamous anime character known as Gojo. At this point I had twenty six coins left.

“So? How was that? Easy enough?” Kai questioned. I swear there were those small floaty pink flowers around his head.

“Yeah. It was easier when I learned from a pro. Could we… Try the next floor?”

“There are a lot cooler things up there! Though dont forget that means the games are harder.” He warned me. I nodded with passion in my stride, making my way toward the stairs. Kai tailing at my heels. Like he had said. There were a lot bigger crane games! The ones I was used to seeing. These ones had cool bigger plushies or even anime and k pop merch! But there were also some new styles of games. Which I wasn't quite ready to dive into yet. Not this time anyway. The first machine I had noticed.

“Tiny Tan huh?” I questioned. Looking into the eyes of one of the member plushies trapped inside the machine. “Y know. It feels really weird seeing the plushies like that considering I've seen BTS in real life at Hybe a few times.”

“Yeah that’s true. But they're so cute! I meant the plushies..” We both chuckled a little at the thought. Continuing walking past the sad Tiny Tany, We each set our eyes on a few machines as we went through them with one another. Holding hands between playing games. I had managed to win five rounds and lost three. I now had ten coins left, since the games on the second floor had cost two coins each to play. Kai had won a lot more on this floor than the last. He was now carrying the bag from our winnings. His consisting of mostly plushies as I had assumed. I honestly couldn't keep track of all the things we had. “So. Any other machines you wanna do on this level?”

“Mmmm. not really.” I admitted circling around the room one last time. “Though I do have to admit I'm curious what the next floor looks like..”

“Oh! Ok! Let's take a look. Though I'm afraid I don't have much experience on that floor. I've only won a few times.” Kai sighed as once again he followed me up the last set of stairs. These games did have a lot more of the new games I wasn't used to. Some of them were the size of three normal ones. Until one game in particular caught my eye.

“CINNAMONROLL!” I yelped as I recognized the cute face instantly. It was the biggest plush I had seen all day. Which meant this was going to be hard. Nonetheless I ran up to the Sanrio machine while Kai followed.

“Penguin! Ah! Cute!” This is a cute machine!” Kai yelped along with me. Each of us is eyeing a different plushie. Like two little kids in a candy store.

“We NEED to play this one!” I stated, with a glow in my eye. Kai nodded in a similar state. I bent down to play a round and these machines were four coins a round. Which meant I had two tries at this one. Nonetheless I insert the first four. Placing my hands accordingly. “So. What now?”

“Ah right! You need to squish the plushie between the two bars, down the shoot.” Kai instructed, his hands balled into cheering fists. Watching the other side of the machine to catch every angle. “Fighting!”

“Ok. Here, let's try!” After fiddling with the two armed claw, I smashed the button. It managed to squish the lower half of the plush so its body was hanging toward the shoot. “AGH SO CLOSE!”

“Go again! You got it!!” Kai yelped, cheering me on. I did as he said and smashed down on the little guy's head again. It hardly moved.

“Aw.. Man..” I sighed in defeat. He came over to me and examined the situation in the machine. “It’s ok! I did really well overall. Maybe not as good as you but, good for a first. Let’s get the penguin!”

I heard the sound of the machine starting up before I even finished speaking. My gaze to occupied by Cinnamonroll to realize. Turning back to face Kai as he was playing. Cheering him on like he did for me.

“OH!” We gasped, gawking at each other. He went over to the shoot and pull out his prize.

“YAY!- wait. That’s not a penguin…?”

“Y-yeah.. I know.. For..you..” Kai handed me over the Cinnamonroll plush. An excessive amount of blush filled his cheeks. He kept fluttering his eyes and not meeting my gaze. Playing with a strand of his fluffy chocolate hair. I squealed, bouncing a little. I grabbed his sweater collar and brought him closer to me. Kissing him on the cheek. His eyes shot wide open as he finally faced me.

“Thank you..” I said, now I wasn't meeting his gaze. I might have been a little excited and got caught up in the moment. Kai chuckled bubbly, leaning back over to me.

“Sorry, what was that I didn't hear you~”

“You.. heard me..”

“Ok ok I did. Haha~ I’m glad you like it! Though.. I have enough for one more try on that penguin.”

“OK! Do it, Do it! I’ll hold the stuff.” Kai handed me the bag of our winnings and his last single coin. Inserting the four coins the game started up. He sighed and fought with the claw for a moment. Pressing the button down after a second of hesitation. Unfortunately the only thing the claw did was flip the penguin over slightly. “Aww.. I’m sorry I took your other try.”

“Nahh, It's not your fault. For all I know it could have taken another ten tries until I got it! Besides. That plushie suits you.” He smiled, Though I could tell he was a little disappointed. I hugged the plush he had won for me and kind of felt guilty. He had spent all this money and time on me today and the one thing he wanted he didn't get. Kai patted my back a little, my hands still full. “Let's head home! We can grab some more food for dinner. I’ll go to the front desk and see if they have a bigger bag for that big guy you have there. Hm~”

“It’s dinner time already? No wonder I was hungry.” I chuckled as we went down the levels. Heading back to the front desk waiting for the lady. Until I remembered something. I had left my changed purse on the second floor! “Wait! I forgot something on the second floor! I set the change purse down on a machine!”

“Oh! You want me to help?!” He asked with worry in his voice.

“No no! It's ok, it's the new one I won today. It’d be nice if I could find it though. I’ll be right back.” I stated before leaving the stuff with Kai and running up the stairs. To my luck it was exactly where I had left it. Upon grabbing it I opened it just to be sure there wasn't anything odd. Since it had been left lying around. To my surprise there were two more tokens inside. “So I HAVE ENOUGH FOR ANOTHER ROUND!”

After I realized I had a huge grin on my face and a dream. I was gonna win that penguin for Kai. Determined I strutted up to the familiar machine and shoved the coins in. With a huff I toyed with the claw. Pressing the button and I watched it drop down on the little guy. I stood in shock for a moment.

“I… I GOT IT!” I shouted, yanking the plushie from the shoot and running off. Everyone else in the building probably didn't think too highly of me at this point. But oh well. I was over the moon excited to show him! I came back down the stairs out of breath, the penguin hiding behind my back. Kai had his phone to his ear as I met him. Myself panting like a dog.

“Did you find it? I was just about to call you.”

“YES.”

“Woah, ok. Uhm.. what's behind your back?” He asked, looking a little nervous to ask. He tried to peek behind me. I brought out the penguin in front of me so he could see.

“THIS! I got it!”

“WOW! It’s so cute!” Kai replied bubbly, picking the penguin up and patting his head.

“For you! Since you got me one!”

“For me?! Thank you!” Kai hugged the penguin tightly. Honestly making me wish I was that penguin.. “I’ll need another bag please.”

The lady handed us another bag with a small giggle. Shoving our winnings into the bags we left the place. Going back the way we came through the market. The smells this time were even better! Fresh meals being prepared for orders. The sweet chatter between Kai and I. Though this time I was the one doing the chatting. We grabbed a pack of fresh strawberries and a pack of assorted desserts. Upon getting back home the sun was slowly on its way down. We plopped ourselves in my living room with our bags.

“Ok! Let's see what we got!” I clapped my hands as we pulled out what we each won and showed them off. The main parts being the two bigger plushies we won for each other at the end. When Kai was showing off the one I had won him, I may have snapped a photo of revenge. And of course for the fact that he was adorable.

“Gah.. I’m hungry.” Kai sighed, flopping on the floor. The penguin in his arms. I snickered a little to myself. He really loves it. Yet he was willing to get mine instead.

“Here! I won a few lamyeon packs that we can eat. We have the stuff from the market too. I’ll cook. You can just relax.” I said gathering the food from our pile of winnings. Kai just nodded with a small thanks. Making my way to the kitchen, tying my hair out of my face. I began to get to work, noticing Kai had made his way to the couch. While the noodles were cooking I washed the strawberries and put them in a dish in the fridge. Opening the fresh amazing smelling desserts, placing them neatly on a plate. Lastly I stuck the strawberry soda I had won in the fridge. With that I finished the lamyeon. The sun Casting a golden hue in my apartment. I went over to let Kai know but there he was lying down fast asleep. Holding onto the penguin still. I sat down with him pushing some of the stray hairs out of his face. Just admiring him. Recalling everything that happened today.

“Mng..?” Kai groaned as his gaze met mine. His cheeks pinked a little at the realization.

“The food’s done- woah!-” He grabbed me in his arms as the penguin hit the floor. The smell of his slight cologne filled my scenes. I could feel his warmth all over my body. His arm wrapped around my waist. His chest pressing into my back, his breath on my neck. My heart started racing from just his touch, I could feel my cheeks getting hot. I squirmed around a little to try to hide my face but that only made him wake up more.

(Spice)

“What are you doing? Stop squirming~ You're mine.” Kai whined a little. But the statement made me freeze. He had never said something like that to me. “Mm.. did you have fun today?”

“Y-yeah. Thank you.”

“Hm~ I'm glad. No need to thank me.”

We sat still for a bit. But I was getting restless. Being this close to him. Feeling him like this, his breath on my neck. Even my body was getting hot from how flustered I was. Honestly I was surprised how relaxed Kai was. Compared to when I held his hand earlier and he freaked out so much he stuttered. To now. Where he was the one pulling me closer. Snuggling into my neck. Feeling his hands on my waist holding me still. I had to get out of here! I started moving a little until I nearly fell off the couch. Kai’s strong hold pulled me back up from nearly falling. The grip on my waist nearly made me cry out. I covered my mouth for a moment.

“Seriously you need to stop moving so much- mng-ah~!” Kai cried out. I guess he was feeling this too huh.. By feeling I meant.

“Kai..?”

“Y-yes…”

“Are you..?”

“Yes. I’m sorry..” He admitted. So what I was feeling against me right now.. Was his bulge.. “If you keeping moving- ah~”

Against my nervousness I kept moving. But this time with intention. I heard his soft cry right by my ear, which made a little sound of my own. At this point we were still not facing each other. But I could easily tell he was flustered and… enjoying my actions. Kai slid his hand down to rest at my hips. He leaned in by my ear and moaned my name. As soon as he said my name my breath hitched. He must have figured out how much I like his voice. Using it to his advantage. He smirked a little and kissed my ear softly. Leaning back down to the back of my neck. Leaving another soft kiss. Making me jump a little.

“Is this all.. Ok?..” Kai asked through a few breaths. I stopped my movement and nodded. “Hm~ you're so cute.”

Once he had gotten an answer he started toying with my neck again. Licking and sucking small hickies. Using his hands on my hips guiding me slowly against him. Similarly to how he was guiding me in the crane games. The stimulation was too much and I started letting little moans leave my mouth too. He feels so good.

“You got it, love.”

[A/N:] I kind of wrote this for Kai's birthday. I couldn't come up with a 'birthday' story but I had this one waiting to be written. Anyway! Here's a few pieces I drew for his birthday! My art user: C00n_m00n on tik tok, insta, facebook and youtube! Thank you for reading! (Sorry for it being a long time for writing T.T' I've been so heavily focused on my art.)

[jyndor]

I think you conveyed my point better than I did. I expected Andor would be tough to watch if it was going to tackle serious issues. What I didn't expect was Bix not being an "active participant" in the show. Like you said, she is treated like a punching bag. Even if Bix gets to fight back in future episodes it will still mean she spent most of the time suffering in different ways. Same for Cassian. Rogue One doesn't spend half the movie showing Jyn being in Wobani. The Force Awakens doesn't fill Poe's screen time with his torture.

Andor is educating through shock value, which seems to be working for some viewers. It doesn't for me. I think there are others like me who wanted to be inspired by representation in a Star Wars story and instead are watching their representation be treated like punching bags. Which is different from people who don't like the show's message. The type of suffering is not surprising. The amount of it is. I think it's too much and that they could convey the same message with less. This makes the show a hopeless slog to watch at some points.

I don't understand why other people aren't sympathetic. Is nobody else upset with how horribly Bix has been treated compared to any other female lead? Even if people don't agree, they should at least be respectful. Thankfully you have been which is why I'm writing this in the first place.

I want to second the other anon that was excited for Bix and Cassian. I understand what you meant but I thought the tension in their relationship would come from the plot. Now it seems they are simply terrible for each other. Like you said the show would be a lot better if Cassian was younger. Watching an adult man try to pay off his debts while the woman marketed as his romance gets tortured was not what I signed up for. Even if Cassian turns out to have been a rebel this whole time like you said, it's too late. -- Bix anon

Anon I cannot possibly be saying my point correctly because no one understands that I get the point of what the show is saying but that I struggle with WHY the WRITERS decided to GO IN THIS DIRECTION lol like I do not know how I can put it any other way besides they're doing what they've decided to do very, very well but I don't get why they made some of the decisions they did.

I think what I'm hearing from some people is that they feel validated by seeing the realities of fascism and white supremacy in the treatment of these characters. I cannot speak to that and I feel uncomfortable even pushing back when someone says that because like... yeah it's never going to be my experience.

I personally don't agree that it is using shock value to educate, but I understand why you feel that way. To me most of the show has actually not been gratuitous - it's served a narrative purpose and wasn't just there to get eyesballs on them or like idk to make people gasp. but there are some choices that make me think there needs to be some more voices in the writer's room (Clem's execution for instance is one that I'm sorry it just doesn't sit well with me.) Like shock value for shock value's sake is the og Game of Thrones to me, but also what is and what isn't gratuitous is very personal. It's literally you know it when you see it. Everyone will have different standards.

And that's very important for you to decide. Is it too much for you? It may be. That's disappointing as hell but I don't think there's anything wrong with people who are too close to the issues they're talking about needing to step back and not engage with the show.

I've seen much worse examples of torture porn but I cannot deny that Bix's passivity is something I don't like as a literary choice - not as a realistic thing or unrealistic thing. Maybe if the show has these characters take on serious leadership positions (we know Cassian will be a captain at some point so I'm not worried about him rn even if I am disappointed) in rebel cells that will help? I didn't have high hopes or really much feeling about how their relationship would go because they called them on and off and I just hate on and off relationships LOL.

I do think it's telling that the show has handled most of the women characters so nicely but Bix has been treated like a punching bag. It does feel odd, but I don't even hate them having an angel of death kind of Mengele character, like I think that's important! but idk it felt a little unnecessary to see her being tortured - the aftermath would have been enough imo. THAT felt like the most gratuitous moment in the show.

Not for nothing, I want to flag something because I don't know that I would be as concerned about how passive a character (as opposed to dynamic, again, not in a political sense I'm talking academically in a literary sense rn) Jyn is also very passive in her own story. Things happen to her - in the film she is abandoned by her parents, picked up by saw, trained and raised as saw's daughter and a partisan rebel, abandoned by saw, is in prison, is broken out of prison, is put on a rebel mission with Cassian, and is given Galen's message by Saw - ACTIVE MOMENT she goes to try to save her father and then gives her message to the rebel council - and then she is given an army by Cassian, we don't even see her planning the Scarif attack or anything. She is pushed along by the actions of others with a few exceptions. I think part of that is a result of the reshoots - which Tony Gilroy did so much of that he is credited as screenwriter of Rogue One. He did not write the screenplay, he did a LOT of the reshoots so he changed the story enough to have that credit (it's a union thing iirc). I don't know where it happened but somewhere Jyn sort of lost a lot of spark (as well as a lot of dialogue).

I want to flag that not because I think like Gilroy is some misogynistic demon lol and I think he's done a great job with the politics of the show for the most part. but I don't want to ignore the feeling I have that Gilroy has some blindspots and women may be one of them.

the funny thing is that I am actually loving the show and I don't know how else to say it. I don't know that I'm being clear, and I feel like I'm just repeating myself over and over again at this point and it's a little aggravating tbh because I just feel like I must not be saying my feelings clearly.

[old-wild-child]

okay actually I need to know about The Friends of Mrs. Ann Braunstein!

Oooh. Ok !! It’s kind of a long story so bare with me.

The gravesite felt like a foreign piece of land that Howard was forbidden to pass grounds on. The mere thought of visiting Dad was trespassing. Then again, at least he can visit the gravesite of loved ones. Who knows if Virginia even had gravesites to visit.

“Your daughter-in-law is performing Neil Simon in New York. Isn’t that something? I always knew she had it in her, but it’s even better seeing her on stage. You’d like Sally. She’s really sweet and theatrical. Did you kill yourself? I’m not disappointed in you. In fact I don’t blame you. I understand how you feel. I’ve been through it. Sally's been through it. Did Mother ignore your help too?”

“The Friends of Mrs. Anne Braunstein” (going to change it to Anne because Ann feels naked) is an original story of mine, which is about a bunch of random people who meet for the first time at the funeral of a mutual friend, Mrs. Anne Braunstein. Some of them become brief lovers, some become lifelong friends, and some get married. But it’s about how all these friends met Anne, how they were influenced by her, and how she continues to impact them all.

“The Friends of Mrs. Anne Braunstein” takes place in San Francisco in the early to mid 1970s, inspired by the era of New Wave Hollywood (late 1960s-early 1980s). This era of filmmaking is a big inspiration to me, which some of my biggest inspirations/favorite directors and/or screenwriters being Colin Higgins, Hal Ashby (Harold and Maude is a HUGE influence on me and one of my favorite movies thanks to the earlier two), Mike Nichols, Elaine May, (unfortunately) Woody Allen, Robert Altman, and Peter Bogdanovich. And I took a lot of inspiration from writers of the same era such as Jacqueline Susann and Joan Didion.

I’ve always despised it when bigots say “Back in my day... *insert something incredibly homophobic or transphobic* or “No one was autistic back in my day”. Because of this, I try to write period pieces that have plenty of representation and diverse characters (I’m more prone to LGBTQ+, women empowerment, mental illness, and neurodivergent rep because I’m a part of all those groups so naturally I can write that better vs. a marginalized group that I am not a part of such as being a person of color, having a disability, and/or being an immigrant. (But of course I do my research as much as possible !!))

So far my characters are Howard (the only straight white male in the book, but he’s a trans man so that's his self discovery journey), Sonny (Howard's partner who’s bisexual and has loads of parental issues and she should really be placed with a psychologist), Neil (Sonny's close friend and ex-husband, who married each other for benefits), and Caroline (Sonny's ex-girlfriend who was probably her worst breakup ever). I still have loads of ideas which haven’t been written down or figured out yet.

[luminecho]

for the songs ask - mmmaybe apollo, klavier and/or simon?

(Send me a character or multiple and I’ll give you a handful of songs I associate with them and why)

Waauuughh I don't reeaaaaaally have many songs for Simon and even less for Klavier unfortunately (FOR NOW), but I have a fucking MILLION for Apollo so here's a TON of Apollo ones as compensation for no Simon and Klav

Fine! by Mal Blum is the cuter, more lighthearted “I'm fine” song. I imagine Apollo and Clay singing this together and to each other and it kind of being both of their anthems with each other. A representation of their friendship :)

You're gonna be fine You're gonna be tip-top shape And tapping toes And fly You're gonna act awesome And self assured We're gonna seem Contemplative, nonchalant and bored And if anybody tries to tell you differently You tell them to come over and talk to me Cause I don't even know you But I'd take you home with me Just to show you all the things In the world that you could be Including fine

Fine, Great by Modern Baseball is the much less lighthearted “I'm fine” song. Sort of the opposite of Fine!, this one I see representing Apollo pushing people away and telling himself and everyone else that he's fine when he's really not.

I hate worrying about the future 'Cause all my current problems are based around the past And I hate when you call me late at night Just to check in to make sure I got nothing to be sad about But it's all right, and I'm okay I won't need your help, anyway, ah, well I hate having to think about my future When all I wanna do is worry about everyone but me

Everything Moves by Bronze Radio Return is my obligatory Perceive song. It's not too deep the way I see it, but I do think it's very fitting

So many angles, so many lines So many ways to see the sunrise Everything moves, everything pulses Everything lies in the eyes of you

Summer Skeletons by Radical Face is a song I associate strongly with Apollo's time living in Khura'in with Dhurke, Datz, and Nahyuta. Something about the freeness and nostalgia of childhood and the companionship of another (specifically Nahyuta with the two of them just spending time as brothers). The mentions of water in this song also remind me of the story of the two of them falling into the river and Dhurke pulling them out

When the water was warm Walked in over my head But you pulled me out by the collar of my shirt Dirt in our ears, sun in our eyes Shirts hung in rags, head in the clouds Our fears had no teeth, hearts were still blind You barely talked and I didn't mind

Eet by Regina Spektor represents Apollo's conscious efforts to forget and push away all of his memories of his past after moving to America, and then the nostalgia of being forced to remember it all again during AA6, particularly with seeing Nahyuta again.

You spent half of your life Trying to fall behind You're using your headphones To drown out your mind

Someone's deciding Whether or not to steal He opens the window Just to feel the chill He hears that outside A small boy just started to cry 'Cause it's his turn But his brother won't let him try

16/04/16 (Jack's Song) by Cavetown is a song written about the singer's childhood best friend who passed away. Thinking about it with Apollo and Clay is... ououuggghhhh.

I think one time we fell asleep Woke up and felt like it had been weeks And now it truly has been (Forgive yourself) It wasn't meant to be but it's funny how Life dealt this cheat To someone who could handle it so well

Underground by Cody Fry is a song that when I listen to it all I can think of is the underground cave scene in AA6 with Apollo and Dhurke, with the water rising and the panic setting in. You can take that scene and sort of build the rest of the song around it to try and match it to the rest of Apollo's life but that scene really is the main reason I associate this song with Apollo.

Then a light broke through the black I was standing on a track That little light began to grow There was no where I could go And the ground began to shake No time left to hit the brake That little light was closing in And suddenly I'm floating Love, I see you now, oh You found me here underground

[partiallyderived]

hi dor,

this is ur long awaited mood board. it got a bit sparse cuz i have no idea what else to put but ill update it in the future and send it to u again. im kind of speaking as if im talking to other people but here is my explanation.

first off, on the top left corner (at least on my screen) is a shining star because although dor only has one official published work (that i know of so far), i already think that she is an amazing writer and im excited to see her write more pieces. she's a star waiting to be born.

on the top of the roof is a pair of headphones because that it is the emoji representation i have for her in my tags. it was inspired by her pfp (i think it's still the same when i first interacted with her) and im sure she has great music taste.

in the next level, i have an envelope with a heart because her blog is a love letter to park hanbin (though im pretty sure kum junhyeon was included but maybe my tumblr is broken) but the poems she shared to me and translated so just so...no words. im speechless.

as i wrote before, dor is an amazing writer so i have a maxwriter pen (this is also a nod to her junhyeon fic). next, we have a picture of park hanbin because...i think she said this was her favourite picture (or it's the one where he wore the collar shirt). anyways, i like this picture because to me, it represents dor and when i see her. she's very bright (as in smart and cheerful), she's beautiful inside and out and her writing is just *chef's kiss* just like this photo.

i also think she's sweet so i put a picture of mint chocolate ice cream because (1) park hanbin likes mint chocolate chip ice cream (2) she says she's neutral on ice cream flavours sooo...

next, we have the hug emoji (?). oftentimes, i complain to her on how my current phanbin series is flopping so badly and am hoping it's because my ideas and writing is bad but dor tells me i write super well (im thinking maybe my writing style is not just everyone's cup of tea and park hanbin isn't popular yet 💪) and my writing feeds her delusions soo im soo happy and it keeps me going. so i guess that's why i have the hearts too 💙

as i wrote before, dor is smart and she has very creative ideas (she shared me some of her story ideas) and they're soo cool. im excited for her to publish her future works. she also gives me great ideas and is why u will see me pumping more phanbin fics in the future (hence the puzzle piece cuz she helps complete my thoughts).

idk if i said this cuz this is getting longer than expected but we write phanbin fics in our chats but we also talk about other things and i feel like i could talk to her all day if it was possible.

lastly, the spiderman meme cuz even though she accuses me of being an enabler, she also enables me and is why i can write as much as i do for park hanbin.

omg moniiiii!!!!! i saw this so late, i'm so sorry. but this is gorgeous (insert crying emojis because i'm not on mobile). the way you put so much thought behind each image, and your attention to detail makes my heart go all mushy. i love it.

[frozenwrites]

The Seven Lessons I learned from Evelyn Hugo

Believe me, I also wanted to sing Ariana's Thank u, next when I first read the title, but let's move past that. It’s almost been a month since I finished this book, and while my brain has been brimming with endless thoughts about it since then, I'm still lost as to how I should go about discussing it. Let me just lead with the clearest thought in my mind right now: I loved this novel. It was not at all like I expected, but I was only pleasantly surprised by what it turned out to be. Now, I want to write a review, but not one where I simply present my opinion and recap what I liked about it. The way in which I came to appreciate this novel was unusual for me, and so it's only natural that I take a different approach in discussing it, it'll be fun! So, get the tea boiling and sit down for a couple thousand words of me analyzing a few of this book's key aspects, namely the main character, the representations of love and attraction, and finally the novel's take on morality.

Evelyn

"What could be farther away from my tiny sad apartment in Hell's Kitchen than this?"

Let me begin with one of the relatively lighter elements of the novel. It's uncommon for people from poor backgrounds to dream about and pursue success, they're naturally urged to run away from a life that's failed to satisfy them; And indeed a lot of them make it. But then, there are people like this novel's titular character, those who run away because staying where they are might as well be synonymous with death. The book is very quick to establish Evelyn Hugo as an uber-successful starlet, A Hollywood veteran, an icon of beauty and glamor, but it's only when her elderly self decides to tell her real, unabridged story to the world that we realize that calling her early life "humble beginnings" would be far too generous. For one, Evelyn was a Latina, so even her family's racial background was something of an obstacle for her growing up in the states around the middle of the twentieth century. She lived with her nearly destitute parents in a poor neighborhood literally called Hell's Kitchen (that’s a real thing, I had to look it up), and her mother, the only positive figure in her life, died during her childhood. She was left with nothing more than an abusive father in a small apartment in a world that was very content passing her by. It wasn't easy, and so since her early teens she had to learn to become an opportunist, a survivor. She had to use her wits to find a way out, and use what little she had to ensure that she takes it. That meant doing things from lying about her age all the way to, as crude as it sounds, weaponizing her femininity.

I truly appreciate how Evelyn made it known early on that she had no regrets about all that she had to do to find her fame and fortune. She acknowledges that her story was not that of a linear success; it was not typical. She remembers all the questionable things she did to herself and to others but shows no remorse for them, because she knows that it was all done in the interest of keeping the promise she's made to herself since she was a little girl; it was all for the sake of realizing her late mother’s dream of a good life.

Evelyn is a very interesting character. The novel forces you to see her as an intimidating, gargantuan figure, a jaded woman who's seen just about all that life could possibly have to show her. The way she presents herself in addition to the way she narrates her story with remarkable confidence and clarity gives her a voice that you can't help but listen to, as if you, too, had grown up in a world where she was the most frequent name in the headlines.

One more thing, and this is to do with the writing mechanics of the novel, Evelyn is a reliable first person narrator. I neglected to mention earlier that the novel is a frame narrative, a story told within a story. The author heavily alludes to how Evelyn wants to tell an honest account of her life, and that's supported by the fact that she's approaching her twilight years. The reader can easily trust that Evelyn has no reason to embellish or alter anything because of the context in which she's telling her story to the primary narrator. It’s a long story, I’ll say it’s a story worth sitting down for.

On infatuation

"He was only kind when he was happy, and he was only happy when he was winning. I met him on a winning streak, married him as he was ascending."

Being young and believing in romance is a tricky thing. Evelyn had to learn the hard way, just like most people in real life, that love doesn't come easy, and that a relationship isn't defined by the magic in its beginning. One thing that I've had to remind myself of, personally, on several occasions, was that we take about twenty years, give or take, to decide what and who we are. With that same logic we can't expect ourselves to figure out another person enough to spend a lifetime with them in the matter of months, but it's much easier said than done, isn't it? That's the thing about infatuation and physical attraction, being charmed or enchanted, or however else we call it. It's an impulse, and we can't easily find our sense when our hearts are being pulled closer together like magnets and everything seems perfect as if the stars had aligned the moment we locked eyes from across the room.

I got carried away expressing myself there, you'll have to excuse me. This might be a good time to make it known that this piece was written long past midnight and I'm so not planning to edit this section in the morning.

At any case, I didn't mean to label physical love and intimacy as invalid, it's still as real as any other meaningful type of relationship. And in fact that reminds me of the time we studied pride and prejudice in one of my courses.

I distinctly remember all my classmates condemning the immature romance that Lydia ends up with, saying that eloping with a stranger or getting married after a very brief courtship just didn't sound right. I truly understand those perspectives; we would all rather believe that love needs to be profound and meaningful, but the truth is that it doesn't always have to be. Some people are content with physical relationships or are perfectly happy living in fantasy land until the magic of their love inevitably wanes and the whole thing falls apart. However, it's still extremely important to read people more thoroughly, because time will undoubtedly reveal new sides of them, some of which might not be so desirable. And that's a pitfall that Evelyn stumbles in with her first attempt in love.

The book's title alone alludes to the fact that it'll involve a lot of failing relationships of different natures. And even though I don't personally condone, or agree with the motives of, a lot of them, I still think there's a lot to observe in every romance, friendship, or family bond in this novel.

F-ing up trying to do what's right, trying to do what's right by F-ing up, or simply not caring either way

"... The cruelest thing you can do to someone you love, give them just enough good to make them stick through a hell of a lot of bad."

Now this is a part that I couldn't ignore, one that I knew I'd have to look into because it's the main cause of most controversy surrounding this title, and also the main reason I decided this novel was worth reviewing to begin with: morality. I mentioned earlier that Evelyn makes a point to show no remorse for her actions, believing that she was justified in everything that she's done, and I noted that right away. What I didn't know was that it was all foreshadowing. Evelyn's actions get progressively worse, that is to say, more morally questionable as time passes. She was not necessarily a bad person, but perhaps the nature of her early life, the one that taught her that nothing was off limits in the interest of achieving her goals, skewed her understanding of what was fine and what was simply too far. Examples of the behavior that I'm alluding to include taking advantage of men to make them do as Evelyn herself wants or putting others in social or physical danger to help somebody she cared about. There are several angles to observe this from, and I have two to demonstrate here.

Moral Licensing:

I feel like this is a good opportunity to explain the concept of Moral Licensing. It's been present in the worlds of sociology and psychology for years now, and it simply means that people have the tendency to (subconsciously) that for all the morally good actions they do, they gain some entitlement to do bad ones. Imagine that on payday you donate a sizable amount to charity, but then around the end of the month when you're strapped for cash, you see no problem sneaking a nice bill out of a restaurant's tip jar; they probably won't notice it's missing, right? That's how moral licensing works.

In Evelyn's case, it was the other way around. Maybe in her perception, the world had treated her so badly in younger years that she was entitled to bend the rules to her favor when she had the power and influence to do so. That does make at least some sense, but where exactly, in such a case, do you draw the line? How do you know that you're taking things too far or that you're in the wrong in a particular situation? Well, it's important to remember that Evelyn's world changed overnight when she became an actress with a new name and a new look. She was no longer surrounded by crime and poverty and miserable people just trying to get by; now, she was exposed to a lot of rich people seeking more wealth and successful people seeking more glory. Simply put, she came from a harsh environment to another differently harsh environment, and that's what we're going to explore next.

When in Rome,

Evelyn quickly gets accustomed to what living in Hollywood really is like. From an insider's viewpoint, one could see people constantly trying to climb their way to success on the backs of the unwilling, learn nobody can trust anybody, and most of your effort as a star will go into maintaining a decent public image because the paparazzi and the press are relentlessly watching like hungry vultures. We as readers are not expected to understand what that's like so easily, so we're supposed to take Evelyn at her word when she says things like how even her actor friends were happy to tank her career if it means gaining an advantage in theirs, and when she says that feeling is mutual. Maybe it's true that being in such a merciless environment, combined with having learned to fight for what you want from a young age, makes people like that.

I have to believe that that second point is a main reason as to why the story is a frame narrative. The writer and biographer that Evelyn is telling her story to, Monique Grant, is a normal person, and so a lot of the time her reactions and thoughts in response to what Evelyn says closely reflect what the reader is thinking as well. Monique was a very interesting character to me because every time the narration shifted back to her (so like, no more than ten percent of the novel's length), I felt a sudden change in the air, as if we were suddenly back in the real world. It was great how her ordinary life was shown in stark contrast to Evelyn's; Monique didn't have to go from extreme poverty to extreme wealth, didn't have to make powerful friends and secure her place in a harsh landscape where appearances mattered most. She didn't have to make any decisions as radical or risky as Evelyn.

Now, where does that leave us with Evelyn Hugo? Is she a good person? A likable character? And more importantly, do her moral values factor in all of that? In the world of fiction, it's not uncommon for the audience to favor a villain and dislike the one that's trying to do what's right. Think about how Hisoka, for instance, a psychopath and a cold blooded killer, has inspired the intrigue and admiration of a lot of viewers. Remember how the main cast of Peaky Blinders were a crime family that we were all actively rooting for, and finally don't forget that officer Javiert from Les Miserables was only a policeman trying to do his job and pursue what he thought was justice. I'm sure that in the real world, these things would be a LOT more complicated. That is because morality is a tricky concept; not always does what's morally right align with what we need to do, and neither are we always able to see all the ways in or out of a particular situation right away, because we're not omniscient, and we're guided by emotions and impulses more often than we care to admit. I guess when it comes to Evelyn, the least I can do is admire her conviction and the way she stands by her actions all the way to the end… except that I can't so easily do that either. Remember, Evelyn says very early in the novel that she's choosing to confess everything because she's approaching the end of her life, and all her friends are already long gone. Does that mean she was hoping that the release of death will absolve her of everything that she's done wrong? That complicates things even more, but I'll leave that door unopened for the time being so as to not spoil too much of the novel's later events.

For now though, I'll give this novel a good 8.5/10, because I respect that even the parts of it that I couldn't quite savor, I still learned from.

Happy reading! ✨

[calebsim03]

Week 1 ~ PHENOMENOLOGY

To me, phenomenology can be distinguished through the appearance of things or the ways we encounter abnormal things in our daily lives, thus the meanings of things we have in our experience. It’s an illusion to the human mind that allows us to see things from different perspectives and have different interpretations to what others might say through human consciousness.

One example could be looking at colours, Person 1 has normal eyesight while Person 2 has Protanopia, one of the four conditions of colourblindness. If Person 1 sees a green colour vehicle, Person 2 would say it’s yellow because he is colourblind. Having a different opinion or perspective could  lead to intriguing conversations or start a conflict between each other.

One tactic that we can apply phenomenology in our daily lives is phenomenological research, it helps us to understand what it is like to experience a specific situation or experienced event. Describing the stories of people who really lived through an experience and have their own personal perceptions of it enables us to understand deeper.

(176 words)

Week 2 ~ AESTHETICS

Personally, my understanding of aesthetics is a natural branch of philosophy that wraps around the principles of beauty and artistic taste. Aesthetic things are objects that are appreciated for their beauty, a personal growth that reveals what looks good to you. These expressions could be presented in fashion, art, architecture, design and other elements of human creativity. Aesthetics are cultural and personal such that what is appealing to one person but may have a different opinion to the other.

One example of aesthetics is a photo of this Porsche GT2RS that I took recently, it’s has a silver body paint with contrasting carbon fibre body panel, anodised gold rims, the shape and curves of the car already looks stunning to me. To add on the aesthetics of the photo is the settings that the the car is surrounded by, the monochrome buildings against the contrast of the road that the car is parked on and silver window grills that matches the colour of the car. But some may not like the colour of the car because it is too basic, others may like their specification taste to look bright, stand out or the surroundings it is in, maybe because it is too old looking.

(205 words)

Week 3 ~ SEMIOTICS

Semiotics, or semiology, is the study of signs, logos, symbols, gestures, signification and nonlinguistic communication methods.. It is the study of how meaning is created, not what it is. Looking at an object, knowing what it is will definitely have some sort of representation of it. Semiotics is a key tool to ensure that intended meanings are unambiguously understood by the person on the receiving end, it needs to be clear. 

A cup of coffee emoji that we see in our phones can be a common example that we see in our daily lives, it could represent relaxation, comfort, safe space, chill atmosphere and may more. The Semiotics of emoji is an important reminder of the limitations of language and sound, and how much visual symbols can aid human interaction and add to the richness of communication.

A ‘STOP’ sign can be another example of semiotics, it could be a hand symbol with all five fingers and palm facing you telling you to stop or it can be a word ‘STOP’ depending at what country you live in. It can mean may things like danger, cars moving, watch before you cross, caution or literally just stop there. A sign is anything that can convey meaning, so words can be signs.

(211 words)

Week 11 ~ POSTMODERNISM

Postmodernism is a late 20th-century style and concept in the arts, design, architecture and criticism, a variety of artistic styles and media and a general distrust of theories. Rejecting the traditional values of modernism and embracing experimentations with new media and art forms, we are able to achieve something unique. In my perspective of postmodernism, is something debatable and putting it into an art perspective, fictional but it may come to reality in the near future.

Take this image that I’ve photoshopped for an example, the foundation of this image is my friend Cho. I had the idea of giving him octopus arms, a body of an Arapaima fish, eyes of a goldfish, a seashell for his head and I placed him in a murky water. In the world of pollution of oil spills and toxic chemicals and turning animals into mutants, instead of having extra arms and late or any other body parts, I made a human transform into a mutant. My concept was if mutation was taken to a whole new level in the future while using present human beings instead of animals or plants.

(193 words)

Week 12 ~ ART ECOSYSTEMS

In my view, a healthy art ecosystem makes to the greatest degree the arts’ capacity to improve the lives of human beings in concrete material and purposeful ways. Our use of the language “improving lives is far from by chance: there is a quick growing and increasingly authoritative body of written works in the social sciences on quality of living and its conceptual relative, wellbeing.

While the documented base for the art connection to wellness is as going on all the time undergoing growth and becoming, our operating thing taken as certain is that taking- part in the arts offers value to a greatly sized greater number or part to do with man beings, and that arts taking-part (especially more active forms of taking-part such as work of creation or performance) can in some cases be deeply resulting or even life-changing. While we have belief in the arts are particularly working well in power-giving people in the going after of that is and purpose in their is living, we also take in that the arts may get more out of quality of living through other suggests, such as state of being healthy, safe and about education outcomes. In addition, taking-part by some people in the arts can come up with force others who do not take part directly; for example, by giving help to tighter group relationships or making come into existence new economic value.

(240 words)

Summary of WOII

Initially, I thought it would be the same as Critical Thinking Skills A, but after taking a few lessons in this class, it’s more complicated and in-depth into the topics. I wasn’t very open-minded to this new module as the lessons carry on, but the breakdowns of each topic or sub-categories caught my interest as I never thought they could be defined as something different in others’ perspective. My favourite class was in Week 11 on the topic of Postmodernism, being able to express myself of what postmodernism means to me got me creative again after a long time. 

(102 words)

[featherzen]

hello :)

[anzfaulkner]

idek if i ever thoroughly talked about a3 on here bc i havent been active here for basically the entire duration of the english servers lifespan but one of the things that fucks me up most about the english localization officially shutting down and the game being removed is that some of the greatest representation of autistic adults and invisible illnesses i have ever seen is no longer going to be accessible easily or at all

like these two guys? exactly the autistic adult representation weve needed. misumi (left) is just undoubtedly autistic coded (too tired to get into it you just have to take my word for it) and homare (right) is in his late 20s/nearly 30s and literally has an entire story arc where he explains how much he struggles to understand people and read a room, because he can only ever understand things if theyre in extremes. it covers so many parts of the autistic adult experience that i cant list it all but i just havent seen anything else like this anywhere.

and kumon is the character that i really, truly think is the most important to me story arc-wise because this is something i never ever see talked about, which is that having an invisible illness is only part of the battle; so much of it is how people treat you for it.

a diagnosis isnt explicitly stated but kumon gets very physically ill from any stress, to the point that his doctor advises to just cut out any stressors in his life, which meant having to quit baseball. and the way his teammates treated him for quitting was so painfully realistic that i had to stop reading for a while honestly. hes treated like its his fault, or hes making it up, and hes even told that he “looked fine the other day”.

but the way his friends help him when he has a fever from stress is by just listening to him and being patient and understanding, which shouldnt seem so difficult but it just seems so rare to have friends who truly are accommodating for you. they remind him that this isnt his fault, this isnt going to be like the last time. and while he still has flareups from time to time it definitely doesnt get as bad as it used to. because he finally had people who didnt consider him a burden.

theres so much more incredible representation in a3 but im really tired and honestly its so hard to just talk about a3 without crying because the server shutdown really is fucking me up so much. but just. take my word for it we had some of the best mental health representation ive ever seen

[miraculouscontent]

It’s heeeeere! Another summasalt, this time with nearly twice the length of the first one!

(Turns out that not having caffeine doesn’t help me talk any slower.)

Script below:

Anonymous asked:

Thoughts on Rocketear?

Can you Rocketear the newest episode apart with your salt, my beloved Salt Queen?

Penny for your thoughts on Rocketear?

Aw, anon! You can have that for free! I'm a generous goddess.

"Rocketear" begins with Chat Noir and Carapace - just Carapace, really - holding back a pack of what I presume to be the physical manifestation of the writing staff's age, or at least a representation of how behind the times the writing seems.

Just as the dinosaurs break through Shellter. Ladybug shows up with the scientist who revived the dinosaurs in the first place and said scientist uses a whistle to calm the dinosaurs down. There's also a line from Bob Roth about putting the dinosaurs in a theme park to make money and I know what it's referencing but it's so incredibly random that it doesn't really come off as a proper joke.

Carapace was notably sad right after battle, but insisted that he was fine when Ladybug asked. Rena, sporting a... - I would like to say "new design" but it's a recolor in every sense of the word - is hiding behind part of a building and smiles after the heroes before walking off. Ladybug takes Nino's miraculous back but sees that he's still upset and asks him again what's wrong. Nino asks where Alya was and Ladybug claims that she only needed Carapace for the job, which cheers him up but only until Ladybug is already gone.

Mm, I guess Nino and Adrien relate in heroism not being enough for them unless they have their respective love interest to flirt with.

Also, I know this is an obvious set-up, but the show can't tell me that Ladybug just always brought Nino and Alya whenever she needed one of them. Season 3 required her to go to Master Fu to get the miraculouses, and unless she already knew that Nino and Alya would be in the same location - which, okay, the show does basically shove the two of them together whenever Nino is onscreen, fair, if two characters are in a relationship in this show then it's weird for them to NOT be with that person - but it just seems like a gamble, not to mention proof to Shadow Moth that the two are close if Ladybug constantly brings both of them.

Anyway, Ladybug goes into the sewer and asks Rena if she's seen any sign of Shadow Moth or his traps. Rena didn't see anything and they de-transform. Marinette is about to leave when she thinks of something, but Alya assumes it's about her new look, which was apparently not voluntary on her part and the suit automatically adapted to Alya's new role as Rena Furtive, which she has now named it as.

Marinette reminds her that this is supposed to be a secret and that they agreed that the fox has no owner. When Alya is evasive about whether she told Nino that she won't be Rena anymore, Marinette stresses that everyone needs to believe that Alya won't be using a miraculous anymore so that she can remain an undercover spy.

What's the point in changing the look if you're not going to show yourself anyway? I mean, insurance, I guess, but still.

Alya, exasperated, parrots what Marinette has apparently told her before: that she helps Ladybug with Mirage in case Shadow Moth tries to follow her so Rena can follow him instead. Marinette stresses the situation again and Alya tries to get Marinette to agree on her telling Nino that she's Rena Furtive, but Marinette refuses.

At Marinette's house, Alya talks further and explains that she doesn't know if she can lie to Nino since they don't keep any secrets--Alya, babe, you kept Rena Rouge from him and didn't tell him that you knew he was Carapace until Ladybug was forced to give you your miraculouses at the same time. I don't wanna hear it.

Marinette states that it's too late for that and also not technically a lie, but Alya gets upset and says that Nino will never trust her again if he finds out that she kept something from him. Marinette brings up how she had to keep secrets from Alya too, but they're interrupted by Tom appearing and wanting to play games with them. Marinette makes an excuse about homework that she's repeated many times, as Tom comments that the teachers give her too much. After Tom is kicked out - hang on, lemme just... - Marinette uses the moment to show Alya that she's lied to her family a lot and hasn't played games with her father in months. She states that there's no other option as they have to protect their identities, and Alya agrees to talk to Nino.

In Alya's room - I just presume at this point that Nino's house doesn't exist and Chris is an illusion - Alya tells Nino that they need to talk, but stammers and states that it's hard to talk about. Nino thinks that she wants to break up with him, but Alya assures that she loves him. She finally gets to the cover story that Rena herself made up in "Sentibubbler" and Nino understands, sad that she won't be around anymore but agreeing if it's what Ladybug thinks is best.

Is it weird that Nino respects Ladybug's wishes more than Alya does?

Nino hugs her and is confused by why Alya was nervous to tell him, as she can tell him anything and nothing will change their relationship. Alya feels guilty and hugs back, murmuring about how they don't have any secrets; that's not what Nino said, but sure, push this plot to its already predictable conclusion. I mean, I thought it was vaguely sweet that Nino switched to seriousness immediately when Alya said that she wanted to talk, but how am I supposed to be invested in this couple when their dynamic boils down to "STRONG, INDEPENDANT WOMAN who wears the pants in the relationship because her boyfriend is portrayed as a wimpy coward"? Like, the show constantly dragged Nino down to make Alya look "powerful" by comparison, and then when it comes to characters like Marinette, we get a girl who works very well outside of her relationship with her endgame love interest.

It's the fakest form of "girl power," dragging guys down to raise girls up or actually making a strong girl character but having her love interest be a weakness that creates flaws in her that weren't there originally and having that love interest be who she's "destined for."

I'm rambling, sorry.

In class, Marinette assures Alya that she did the right thing and Alya agrees. As they're leaving school, Marinette talks about how their "night walks" start soon, and Alya non-subtly talks about how Rena Furtive will be on the lookout while Ladybug and Chat Noir patrol. She stops, however, as gets excited about some pictures she took of herself as Rena Furtive, which has a lot of details that Marinette hasn't seen. I don't know whether to groan at what I just heard or remind everyone that Rena Furtive is literally just a recolor and therefore this is the writers patting themselves on the back for this design, so let's just move on.

Alya then shows Marinette her phone--AUGH, MY EYES--and suggests making a poll on her Ladyblog so people can vote for their favorite Rena design. Marinette has to stress again that Rena Furtive is supposed to be a spy and thus invisible, which Alya admits that she forgot about.

Okay, I've been holding off on talking about this, but now seems like the best time to bring it up. Alya has been a trash friend as well as a trash confidant, and her role as Rena Rouge boiled down to, "it was convenient for her to be the fox at the time it was needed." She's not particularly stealthy like one would expect of a fox, and she was easily one of the worst candidates to be told Marinette's big secret. I'll get more into this later, but I have to stress that Alya has treated Marinette no differently since learning of Marinette's identity and has already gone against Marinette's orders once before at the time of this episode airing. Episodes are constantly torn between validating their decision to have Marinette tell Alya, having Marinette be worried about the decision while the show considers her to be ridiculous for it, and then having Alya either consider or make choices that clearly don't gel well with what's good for her role. Much like Marinette, she lacks a sense of self-control and--wow, a female character who's impulsive, never seen that stereotype before.

Point being, "Sentibubbler" stressed over and over that Alya was the right choice and deserved to be both the permanent fox and the understudy for guardian, but then we have "Rocketear" here where Alya is making basic emotionally-driven errors that I'm not even remotely sympathetic to when Marinette has gone through so much worse over the course of three+ seasons.

*sigh*

Alya laments that it's hard to find new content for the Ladyblog - ah, yes, tell me more about your struggles, Alya - but figures that at least she can post stuff about Chat Noir instead of--I don't know--making fake Ladybug theories to lead people off Marinette's trail. Marinette says that it's a great idea, though Alya still doesn't look too happy. The scene then rewinds to a little bit to show a different point of view, this time with Adrien and Nino. Wait, this feels familiar, wasn't there another episode that did something like--ohhhh no, this is going to hurt.

After saying good-bye to Adrien - something I wish I could do every time he's mentioned or on-screen - Nino catches the bit of conversation where Alya talks about the Ladyblog. Nino talks as if Marinette isn't there and asks Alya out to the movies because Marinette is chopped liver and this is about Alya and how sad she is, guys.

Wow, she's turning into Adrien faster and faster.

Alya hesitates, but Marinette assures her that there's still time. Alya excitedly runs off with Nino and they watch what I presume are previews given the narrator, featuring recycled footage from the Ladybug PV. Nino is upset because Rena is mentioned but not Carapace, and the preview features Rena telling Chat Noir to forget Ladybug because it's Chat and Rena herself who are trulu made for each other.

I don't know what's funnier; the complete lack of self-awareness or the suggestion that a biracial couple would exist in this show outside of a special that gives them maybe a minute of screentime and acts more like suggestive canon anyway. I think I might've been too generous with that line about dinosaurs.

Nino is offended by the preview and Alya brushes off his comments, stating that it's just a cartoon and it's made to entertain people, though Nino himself is certainly not entertained. Can't say I entirely blame him considering that Alya doesn't really try to say anything substantial or even agree with him. No cuddling or reassuring kisses, she just gets slightly sad and turns to her phone for a bit.

After the movie, Nino is cheered back up again until he catches Alya on her phone once more. He offers to take her home, but she's distracted, and he comments that what she showed to Marinette looked pretty nice; I don't know because they didn't show it. Nino asks what it was and Alya evades the question, stating that her battery is running out. Nino is suspicious, but spots Andre's ice cream cart and the two head over there. Andre calls them his favorite couple and asks what they want, but Alya sees Ladybug gesturing for her and has to run off, giving Nino a cheek kiss as she goes which feels like too little too late at this point.

Nino catches some conveniently-placed kids arguing over who Chat Noir loves, but they settle on the fact that girls in general love Chat Noir. Nino is then seen at the Seine watching the Ladyblog's latest video, where Alya is talking up how amazing Chat Noir is. I hate to stop every five seconds to complain - okay, actually I don't - but I presume this video must've been made after the movie since Nino seems like the type who would actively follow his girlfriend's blog, yet not only is this video perfectly set up to echo the kids and the movie preview, but Alya - despite apparently caring about her boyfriend soooo much that she kept trying to convince Marinette to bend the rules - didn't even try to warn Nino or text him so he doesn't take it too seriously. It's like "Sentibubbler" with the conflicting messages about identity rules; Alya cares about her boyfriend but both isn't thinking about how he'll take the things she says and apparently doesn't know him well enough to realize that he wouldn't be mad over her keeping a secret that she was told to keep. I already talked about how they play up Nino to be the emotionally weaker one of the relationship, but then they don't have Alya try to cover or make up for that. She's been acting very much not like Alya - you know, the one who in "Sapotis" practically bragged about how great she'd be at covering for Ladybug - with her stutters and weak excuses, so I can't completely blame Nino for being upset after everything that's happened when he sees the writers projecting onto Alya as she talks about how Chat Noir is brave and funny and cute and showing all these images of him as well. I don't agree with all of his actions, but--oh yeah, speaking of which--

Nino calls Adrien and is talking to him about how Alya must be in love with someone else. Adrien dismisses the idea, as Alya and Nino are together basically all the time, and asks who she could possibly be in love with. When Nino suggests that it's Chat Noir, Adrien laughs and jokes about it being Fang instead. Nino points out the video but Adrien did see it but is overall unphased and convinced that it means nothing. Nino says that he'll find proof and hangs up, but Adrien is certain he'll find nothing. Plagg comments that Nino will find someone because Plagg's charisma has definitely contaminated Adrien.

Ugh.

Adrien expresses concern that he put on the cat's charm too much and accidentally made Alya fall for him, and decides to visit Alya as Chat Noir to be sure.

Meanwhile, we get a reference to film noirs as Nino narrates. That's the second blatant reference this episode and now I feel like they wrote this script while doing a movie marathon.

Chat Noir arrives at Alya's house and Trixx hides before Alya opens the curtains to reveal her surprise guest. Nino is nearby watching the scene with his phone as Alya wonders aloud if something's wrong. Chat assures that everything's fine, but brings up the video she posted. He insists that it made him happy, but points out that she's been following him and Ladybug since the beginning and that they know each other much better due to everything that's happened. He has some conveniently-worded dialog as he starts to say that he hopes something's just an illusion and Alya gets worried that he's about to bring up Rena. Chat continues and clarifies that he wonders if she started to feel something for him, though adds that he understands because just look at him.

UGGGGH.

Chat clarifies by making a heart with his hands, which Nino sees. Alya laughs at this gesture and states that she has a boyfriend, doing the same heart gesture and suggesting that her love for Nino is even more than that. Chat Noir apologizes - hm, I didn't know he had the capacity to do that - and hugs Alya, saying that he was just confused.

An absolutely unnecessary hug for two people who, at least in terms of their current selves, have had very little screentime together, but this is also the show where making eye contact basically means your friends and it's all just to push the plot along so Nino inteprets that Alya is in love with Chat Noir, so whatever I guess.

Alya states that Nino is far more irresistable than Chat, then adds that she doesn't even know his secret identity, and she'd never fall in love with someone she doesn't know. Nino then runs away upset and the scene cuts away to the next day where--

Wait, wait, wait, hang on a second. Two things right off the bat there.

First off, we're just gonna sidle past that "wouldn't fall in love with someone you don't know the identity of" while ignoring the existence of the love square? Not even Chat thinking about how he doesn't know Ladybug's identity and trying to excuse that he doesn't have to? This guy is that certain of their relationship?

Secondly, Nino is practically sobbing and Shadow Moth doesn't take this as his opportunity? Same guy who akumatized Mr. Pigeon 72 times and has akumatized Gigantitan more than once? What is this pacing???

But--alright, so Adrien comes into school and sees Nino, still dressed up in his detective gear, which gets ignored completely as Adrien goes to tell him about Chat Noir and Alya. Because the show doesn't know how Adrien would convey this within reason, Nino interrupts him, taking him down into the lower part of the school where he has a desk and chairs set up. Adrien goes to ask when Nino had time to do this, but Nino slams his hand on the desk to cut him off. Nino presents the evidence he took and they go back and forth, likewise with Adrien turning off the background music while Nino turns it back on. Adrien insists that it's a misunderstanding, but pleads innocent when Nino asks how he knows. Adrien states that Alya is just a superhero fan and that she and Chat Noir have nothing in common.

Again, the complete lack of self-awareness is astonishing.

Adrien repeats what Alya said about secret identities and how she wouldn't fall for someone she doesn't know - they're really ignoring this, aren't they? - and continues hitting Nino's soft spots about how unlikely it is until Nino decides to tell Adrien something he's not supposed to.

He tells Adrien, not only that Alya is Rena Rouge, but that he's Carapace. Adrien goes through a range of emotions beyond sAD for once, shocked at the fact that they know each other's identities. Nino states that they don't keep secrets from each other, except now Alya is with Chat Noir. Adrien still doesn't understand and brings up how secret identities have to be protected, or else Nino wouldn't have told him because Ladybug wouldn't agree to it.

Oh, here we go. So that's why they waited.

Nino states that it was Ladybug herself who gave them their miraculouses at the same time; not giving the reason why, of course, nor pointing out that they're temporary heroes so there's understandably some leeway. Adrien is having a moment, but manages to bring the subject back to Alya and Chat Noir, who he still doesn't think are a thing. Nino argues that it's because Adrien doesn't know Chat Noir, but he does because he's Carapace and knows how Chat Noir acts. He says that it's all flowers and confessions when Ladybug appears, but he gets rejected because Ladybug thinks that he's annoying, and she's right. He adds that Chat flirts with Rena Rouge and that's all that needs to happen, with Chat stepping in on the first mission Carapace lost in. Nino laments the loss of the love of his life and wishes to shut Chat Noir up forever; we all do, Nino, we all do. Shadow Moth finally steps in with - oh, less than eight minutes left in the episode, yikes - and Nino is akumatized into Rocketear.

Rocketear rejects Adrien's pleas to stop, insisting that Chat Noir is who he's after, not Adrien, and Adrien transforms in sad fashion despite Plagg's reminder of who Rocketear is after. Alya, meanwhile, is in the art club with Marinette - wait, since when was Alya in the art club - telling Marinette about how Chat Noir thought she was into him due to the video, which Marinette groans at. There's an earthquake and they peek outside to see Rocketear firing his tears at Chat Noir, shouting that he stole Alya from him. Chat Noir tries to tell him otherwise, but Rocketear won't listen.

Alya groans at Nino doing this, then she and Marinette set off to find a place to transform. They conveniently go to the same place Adrien and Nino were, so they see the desk that Nino had set up.

Genuine question, how seriously does this episode want me to take itself, because now when I recount all the unnecessary love square drama in my head - because you know that's where this is going - I'm going to have to think, "Nino, dressed in a detective outfit, ripped off his fake mustache and told Adrien both his and Rena's identities, and also that Ladybug was totally cool with it and thinks that Chat Noir is annoying."

Gettin' two completely different vibes here. The episode clearly wants to be important but it doesn't take itself seriously either, which it totally could while including enough jokes to keep things light. Instead, I'm just left scratching my head and wondering what tone they're going for.

Marinette finds Nino's phone on the desk - I'm calling continuity error on that one because he at no point put it on the desk, at least not on-screen - and she questions Alya on the video she sees. Alya insists that nothing happened, apparently completely unphased by her boyfriend having spied on her, and says that he wouldn't have misunderstood if he'd heard the actual conversation.

The two transform and Ladybug immediately uses Lucky Charm, receiving a projector. Ladybug is clueless and Rena Furtive suggests creating an imaginary movie like Nino. Ladybug gets an idea, remembering Alya's earlier comments, and Rena confirms that she remembers every word of it.

Aaaaand, just like that, all of the tension has been completely sucked away. You know, "Backwarder" was a trash episode, but at least when Ladybug was showing every step of her plan, she didn't tell us what it was.

Meanwhile, Rocketear and Chat Noir are still arguing--I started zoning out at hearing the same thing over and over again at this point, so I just presume they were fighting over who does stuff behind their love interest's backs better; I don't think they came to an agreement but they're both losers anyway.

Chat Noir says that he'll prove his innocence, tossing his baton aside to show him giving up, but Rocketear points out that it proves nothing and strikes Chat Noir with his tears.

Our endgame love interest, everyone. Straight As yet about as smart as a sack of bricks, and that at least won't flirt with anyone non-consensually.

Chat Noir makes a point that he doesn't want to hurt Rocketear, and Shadow Moth tells Rocketear to take his miraculous before finishing him. Chat Noir can only weakly tell him not to before Ladybug snags Rocketear's wrist and diverts the shot. Ladybug explains to Rocketear about the projector and how it'll let him hear the audio of the recording he took. She adds that she doesn't know what Chat said, but she trusts him.

Marinette, I'm sorry, I feel so bad for you.

Ladybug turns on the projector and Rocketear relaxes at actually hearing what was going on. Rena then de-transforms and hurries out to meet with Rocketear, hugging him as Rocketear apologizes for doubting her. Alya also kinda sorta apologizes in a way I don't understand and Rocketear then breaks his akumatization, very casually, all on his own.

Yeah, just--casually, in a matter of seconds in fact. You know, it's really sad when people resisting akumatizations are more tense and emotionally compelling than them breaking them. This is twice in one season now and has zero impact considering that Nino's reason for being akumatized was already taken care of so he had no reason to stay akumatized anyway. Him breaking his own object to release the akuma would've at least been different, but instead it's just a repeat of what Alya went through with even less tension considering that Alya's wasn't even that good in the first place, relying on her relationship to Ladybug rather than who she knew to be her best friend.

Moving on, Ladybug captures the akuma and uses Miraculous Ladybug to bring everything back to normal. Shadow Moth monologues about how love and secrets don't go well together and he's sure that she has a lot and I'll talk about this later.

Ladybug hands over the magical charm, which Nino takes but insists that he won't need it, as he'll never let Shadow Moth use his love to manipulate him again. Plenty of other things to get akumatized over, but they gave the supposedly ace character a robot to help him stick out and also gave the supposedly aro character a miraculous back in season one to give her more importance. If characters aren't in love then they need something to ceompensate for it.

Nino apologizes to Chat Noir for being wrong and Chat Noir assures him that everyone has doubts, even him. He gets sad and Ladybug asks him what's wrong, but he insists that he's fine - officially throwing away his right to be upset at her later as far as I'm concerned - and they do their usual fist buuuuu--

...Really?

Everyone then splits up and Chat Noir sulks by himself instead of--you know, talking to Ladybug, or asking her anything, or making any sort of excuse for her because that would mean he actually has faith in her and understands that their partnership is different from temporary heroes, even if the excuse was as basic as her wanting to protect him more than the others because he would be that egotistical if they didn't want to stretch out this unnecessary drama.

Later on, Adrien is staring at a picture on the Ladyblog that might be a metaphor for the show considering how "in the foreground" Chat Noir and Rena are.

Adrien vents about Ladybug giving miraculouses to Alya and Nino, but Plagg states that she's the guardian. Adrien clarifies that he's referring to Alya and Nino knowing each other's identities, but Plagg doesn't see the issue. Adrien gets huffy and asks why the rule exists for LadyNoir but not Ninya, but Plagg again points out that she's the guardian, so she makes the rules, though obviously he uses cheese metaphors to convey it.

Okay, Plagg is only, like--half-right because he doesn't have all the information. If you don't mind me rambling for a bit, I'm on the fence here because, on one hand--yes, I agree that Marinette should be allowed to make her own rules, and I often do that in my writing because I think she should be permitted leeway in order to let herself be happy, but on the other hand, it's not technically her rule, as she had to let Alya and Nino in on their identities back in the Season 2 finale, so Fu was still around for a season. She wasn't even guardian yet!

Now, presumably so the fandom could blame Marinette if anything happened, Marinette never discussed this with Fu on-screen, so I can't say whether or not Fu knew, but I feel like he must've since Marinette had to have told him the heroes' identities off-screen, given "Party Crasher," and thus I imagine that Marinette would tell Fu everything that happened, which is consistent with what she does on-screen even if she'd keep things from him for a little while.

"Furious Fu" had also established that not even Master Fu followed rules completely, meaning that Marinette is in this awkward spot of mostly following what Fu taught her, which aren't all guardian rules anyway, and having to break the rules on occasion for various purposes. I can't say what Fu approved of and what he didn't, because episodes spend so much time on the love square that they forget about Marinette as a person and how she interacts with everyone else. From an emotional standpoint, I can't blame Marinette for not revoking the miraculouses of people whose identities get discovered because of her, as I imagine she feels guilty and it probably doesn't seem fair to force them into another miraculous or have them be entirely without one because of a mistake that she made, meaning that someone needs to be throwing a lot of red flags for Marinette to be through with them.

Though obviously, from the show's standpoint, it's just an excuse to not make new models, but I complained about that enough in "Sentibubbler" and this episode even went out of its way to design a detective model for Nino while spraypainting Alya's bodysuit in the same breath, so this is the world we live in.

Anyway, Marinette is essentially in this position where she still has Fu's rules hovering over her, but she's also trying to step out on her own and make her own decisions to varying degrees of success or failure depending on your point of view. Tikki--wait, no, bad idea--Su-Han then, could easily give input on these things, perhaps with Marinette discussing a modern day set of rules for someone her age and going back and forth with Su-Han on what the right choices to make are, finding something that's comfortable but within a realm of predictable control. Su-Han was okay with some rules being broken after seeing how Ladybug handled them and they could've easily made this episode about that instead, but instead, we get rules being set and then being broken on a writer's whim.

Which now brings us to the end of the episode, where Marinette is on the phone with Alya and apologizes for causing trouble between her and Nino. Alya tells her not to worry and she'll fix things - you know, those things that, to Marinette's knowledge, have already been fixed - and asks if Marinette trusts her. Marinette does, and Alya hangs up in order to face Nino.

Yeah, that feeling of dread in your stomach? That means you know how predictable the writing is and what's about to happen, good for you.

Alya explains that she has to tell Nino something and he's worried, this time trying to sheepishly break the tension. She explains that she's still Rena Rouge, much to Nino's shock, and adds that she's in hiding, which is why Ladybug didn't want her to tell anyone. Nino asks why she's telling him if she's not supposed to tell anyone - proving my point from a while back that he wouldn't have been upset had she kept it a secret - then asks if Ladybug agreed with it.

I want to give him a pat on the back for considering Ladybug, but he didn't even tell her when he had the chance that Adrien knows his identity now, so I'm just beaten down at this point.

Instead of answering the question directly, Alya says that she can't hide her identity from him because she loves him and they don't have secrets.

You know, like Nino telling Adrien about Rena's identity, or Alya saying specifically that she's a permanent holder, which I'm sure both of them will confess to since they said that they don't have--aaaaand the episode ends on happy triumphant music, okay.

I mean, I guess Alya at least didn't tell him that Marinette was Ladybug, but that is such a low bar and not even remotely worthy of congratulations when Alya told Nino the specific thing that Marinette told Alya not to tell; the thing that they had agreed on.

Nino wasn't upset anymore. He won't be getting akumatized either. Alya endured the supposed hardship of being a permanent fox holder for four episodes before breaking down and telling her boyfriend. Even her excuse doesn't hold any water because, again, they're both still technically keeping a secret, particularly Alya who knows Marinette's identity as Ladybug. The episode also apparently forgets that Alya and Marinette's friendship must not be as strong by her logic of telling Nino specifically everything, as Alya kept Rena Rouge a secret from Marinette for all of Season 3, but tells Nino about continuing to be Rena Rouge in Season 4. Boyfriends before BFFs without explicitly saying it, or to be more specific, whatever screws Marinette over the most, because that's what this comes down to, made worse by "Optigami" where Marinette told Alya that she'd tell her everything and I guess that doesn't go both ways.

"Sentibubbler" had Alya stress that no one would ever know. She promised Marinette and told Marinette to trust her, and the episode spent its entire running time talking her up and assuring Marinette that she was the right choice, even considering Marinette ridiculous for worrying when Alya had done something without Marinette's permission the episode right before it. Then, three episodes after "Sentibubbler," when Marinette is finally comfortable and trusts Alya completely, Alya betrays that trust. Nino betrayed that trust, knowing he wasn't supposed to do so but telling Adrien his and Rena's identity anyway, because he was losing an argument and needed to PROVE something.

Marinette gives them an inch and they take a mile. Marinette bent the rules so that they could continue to have the miraculous they'd started with and they disrespected her because it was hard for like a day.

And if this bites them back, it won't reflect poorly on them, it'll reflect poorly on Marinette.

It's not like Alya just overrode Marinette. She didn't go, "Hey, I'm telling Nino, I'm sorry," or tried her hardest to go back and forth with Marinette until they both agreed. No, she did what she told Marinette she wouldn't do without saying a word to her, because LOVE and SEEEECRETS.

And this only applies to her, of course, because don't think I didn't notice the parallels between this episode and "Truth," because WOW.

Episode begins with Marinette hoping for something and it blows up in her face? A date at the cinema that ends on a sour note? Plot-centric couple trying to get Andre's ice cream and the female with a secret needing to leave in a hurry? Boyfriend character getting akumatized over their girlfriend's secret? Boyfriend assumes/suggests that the girlfriend's secret involves Aaaaaadrien - or his alter-ego in "Rocketear"'s case - and the episode hints as much to him even though he's completely wrong? Akuma's colors are blue and black? THE BRIDGE?

But, ahhh, little difference, here and there, y'know, like how Marinette was forced to break up with her boyfriend while Alya got to keep hers, and Nino got to have long talks with Alya while Luka got little to nothing with Marinette.

Because do note that Alya, while trying to convince Marinette and talk to Nino about not keeping secrets, at no point suggests that Marinette deserves to be happy and deserves to have a boyfriend and that Marinette should be allowed to tell Luka her secret so they can get back together, so you have Alya here selfishly prioritizing her relationship with Nino while making no comment about Marinette's relationship, essentially asking Marinette to allow her what Marinette herself didn't have the luxury of, and Alya knows this because Marinette told her. It is both incredibly insensitive of Alya and incredibly insulting of the show to make so many parallels between this episode and "Truth" just to have everything crash down for Marinette because she's Marinette while everything goes well for Alya and Nino because they're not Marinette.

We've talked before about the formulas that are literally baked into the show, and one of those is how Marinette makes a mistake in every episode and has to learn from it. What that mistake is in this episode, I don't know, but considering that she apologizes for Alya and Nino's problems, I guess the show blames her for what they themselves had taught her.

Point being, there's a clear karma system in place, but it only applies to Marinette, and forcing her to mess up in every episode means that she is literally not allowed to be with Luka because had she been able to clear things up between them, he would've eagerly accepted her and they could've been happy. It'd be too difficult for her to mess up when Luka doesn't put mountains of pressure and expectations on her like everyone else. Factor that in with how she can be herself around him and it leads to situation that are too difficult for her to screw up in because her mistakes - more often than not - center around Adrien or her role as guardian.

And because another rule in the show is to bring up Adrien so they don't "lose him for too long," she can't avoid bringing him up either. If he's not in the plot, he has to be mentioned, leaving Marinette in a lose-lose situation that she'll never be free from.

So, let me just get this straight then:

The guy who spied on his girlfriend instead of talking to her about his assumptions gets to keep his girlfriend, not because he realized it was wrong regardless of whether he was correct or not, but because the situation had been cleared up for him, yet the guy who actively resisted his akumatization, saddened by his girlfriend's secrets but wanting her to share them when she was ready, gets broken up with and tossed to the wayside because he's not a rich blond boy who got a miraculous because he happened to be within the twenty meters of space where Fu was searching for new holders?

Meanwhile, the girlfriend who has gone against the wishes and insistence of her best friend - guardian of the miraculouses, by the way, so she calls the shots, something that Alya herself said in "Optigami" BEFORE GOING ON TO DO HER OWN THING IN THE SAME EPISODE AND BEING REWARDED FOR IT - is allowed to go against the wishes and insistence of her best friend again for the sake of "all love, no secrets" with her boyfriend and so she can have the happy ending she wants, yet the girl who was chosen for a miraculous without her consent, forced to screw up and talk about a random boy who doesn't even go out of his way to spend time with her, treated like absolute trash by writers who find humor in her misery, and is the only one to receive overly harsh and long-lasting consequences for her actions while also covering up and forgiving the actions of others within the episode where they do it...

doesn't get her happy ending, and won't ever get her happy ending. That thing Shadow Moth said about love and secrets not going well together? Yeah, only goes as far as the writers want it to, because both Nino and Alya still have secrets, and some of the ones they did tell each other were forced by someone else and kept until that very moment. This idea that people in love have to tell each other everything and that it makes a relationship stronger makes me immensely uncomfortable, and that lesson is also in "Guiltrip."

People should be allowed their secrets, and obviously there are exceptions for things that are being hidden with malicious intent, but being essentially forced to share everything or risk not having a "full and complete" relationship is stifling and sounds like it'd only cause stress.

This episode sucks. It furthers and confirms everything I've already thought about the show, Nino's screentime continues to be dependent on Adrien, Alya, or both, there are pointless references that completely take me out of the experience, and the utter betrayal from Alya and supposed message of the episode just reminds me that Marinette is inevitably going to be stuck with a guy who didn't even DO anything in this episode and is going to let himself stew instead of asking for any sort of clarifications from someone he apparently trusts so much.

So the takeaway is that Marinette's life is awful, she'll be forced to apologize for rules that she didn't even come up with herself, her best friend will walk all over her for the sake of her relationship with a guy - not even for the sake, really, they were going to be fine, it was more for HER personal comfort if anything - and the guy who actually makes Marinette happy and could've known her identity instead BECAUSE HE AT LEAST DIDN'T HAVE A TRACK RECORD OF SPILLING HER SECRETS gets treated in the exact same way that she does; like nothing, just something to abuse unfairly.

What a waste of an episode.