#i’m aroace and making it everyone’s problem

[twomanyfandomshelp]

My friend @shellywith2ls found this on Pinterest during our homeroom today, and when she showed me I started dying laughing.

I asked her to send it to me and she just saved the photo and texted it to me, so I can’t properly credit the person who made this. If you see this, hi, I love this, let me know so I can properly credit you 🙃

Edit:

Thank you @voidisnthere for helping me out with the credit!

[twomanyfandomshelp]

What if I’m all three? Hehe 🙃

reblog if you are ASEXUAL, support ASEXUAL PEOPLE, or SECRETLY A DRAGON IN HUMAN FORM

[twomanyfandomshelp]

I was having a conversation with my best friend about being aroace (I am, she’s not) and feeling like I need to tell people (I’m at a family reunion right now and feeling slightly pressured to tell my cousins and aunts and uncles because it’s such a huge part of me that I feel like I’m keeping from them), and she told me “It’s like you like mint ice cream, everyone around you may not understand why you like mint ice cream but it doesn’t change anything about you as a person. If you go to an ice cream store and get mint ice cream it may be a little nerve wracking but if you aren’t buying ice cream don’t feel pressured to tell people your preference”

The slightly ironic thing about her metaphor is that I hate mint ice cream lol

I changed it up a bit by saying that the way that some people respond to me telling them that I’m aroace feels very similar to the way that people respond when I tell them I don’t like peanut butter. They’re always shocked, “you don’t like peanut butter?!” but, at the end of the day, it doesn’t impact them at all. Whether or not I eat peanut butter doesn’t affect them at all. If I don’t enjoy peanut butter, why should I force myself to eat a Reese’s just to make them more comfortable? And I don’t ever bring it up unless someone tries to offer me something with peanut butter in it. Like today, my sister made a peanut butter chocolate lasagna thing for dessert and when my cousin asked why I wasn’t eating it I told him I don’t like peanut butter and he was shocked.

[twomanyfandomshelp]

Look what came in the mail today!

Please ignore my very dirty desk.

When I found out that we would be able to get physics versions of @bloggingboutburgers comics, I immediately went to the kickstarter and ordered one! It will have to remain hidden because I’m not out to my family and I don’t want them to accidentally find it, so right now it’s in the cubby on the side of my bed that no one ever looks in. But I love it so much, and I love having a physical reminder that I’m not alone.

Thank you so much for making this, I love your comics, and I’m so excited to read this and see all of them in one place.

[twomanyfandomshelp]

I’m kinda in between. I’m very open about my queerness with my friends, but I’m not out to my family yet, so I can’t actually buy any pride stuff without them asking questions 😢

But online? Whooo boy you best be ready for my pride because it will smack you in the face. I literally have a tag #i’m aroace and making it everyone’s problem that I use on every single lgbtqia+ post I make or reblog.

Love wins 😌

And a version for my aro/ace/not interested in kissing for whatever reason siblings:

[opossums-in-a-trenchcoat]

I can’t stand forced romance in media. You’re telling me this man and woman who’ve barely spoken to each other, have not flirted at all and have barely been together for three scenes are in love??? Like am I just too aroace to see it?? I always feel so surprised

[twomanyfandomshelp]

Just watched my first mcc, and I had a blast.

I watched Smajor’s stream (cause I love him so much) and was able to sit and watch all three hours with no interruptions because I had literally nothing to do lol

I sat on my bed in my new pink sweater (I freaking love it, it’s so soft and comfy and big and I’m so glad I got one), grabbed some snacks, and watched Scott, El, Acho, and Mog work their way through all the games. I really loved their group dynamic and the way they were all super low stakes about it and were just there to have fun. And the obnoxious amount of chickens just made the whole thing so much funnier.

And the fact that my first mcc was the pride mcc made it even more special because I only recently realized I was queer, so this is the first pride I’m able to celebrate. And starting it off with Scott’s mcc pride stream just felt right.

[gods-favorite-autistic]

The idea of Kipperlily mentioning Riz in counseling because she has a crush on him is so funny because she walked into school and picked the most unavailable and unpopular guy possible and said “him that’s who I like”

[twomanyfandomshelp]

This comic is so good!

I especially appreciated the hunger analogy because I’ve never thought of it that way, and it was very helpful for trying to imagine what sexual attraction even feels like and what it would be like if I wasn’t asexual.

IT IS ACE WEEK!

So let's talk about asexuality! This is an introduction trying to cover as much as possible in a little format, so its mostly surface level stuff. You're gonna have to dig on your own :P

For more information, I recommend checking out aceweek.org or acesandaros.org ! You can also read up on ace history through the Asexual Manifesto by Lisa Orlando !

Edit: Here are some links for more information:

Aceweek

AcesAndAros

An article about the Asexual Manifesto that links you to a transcript

An article about Asexuality's history

[kavehayati]

Chappel Roan saying she’s sad she’s demisexual and then there’s me being aroace as a whole like don’t you think I’m even more sad 😭

[fingertipsmp3]

I am once again having a sexuality crisis (read: wondering if I’m a lesbian or just have been stuck in my hometown for too long yet again and therefore haven’t seen a man who doesn’t look vaguely like a fish in years)

[twomanyfandomshelp]

I’m rewatching Heartstopper because I literally cannot wait until October 3rd and I need more of this show pumped directly into my veins. It comes out two days after my seventeenth birthday, which is kinda exciting. But I digress.

I literally watched the whole first season today, which is quite impressive considering I actually did a lot of other things and didn’t start watching it until about two in the afternoon. And I finished it at like 10 pm, so it’s not like I stayed up super late to finish it either.

Rewatching this show I was giggling and kicking my feet and also yelling at the screen because sometimes the characters make kinda dumb choices and even though I already know how everything ends I still get way too invested. I just love this show so much, it’s such a comfort show for me.

My friend got me into the graphic novels right after season one released on Netflix, and after reading the whole series in two days (at the time there were four books, and soon after I found the WEBTOON and sped through that as well), I binged the entire show that day.

Heartstopper is such a pure show, and it just shows that representation is so important. I’ve heard so many stories of people realizing their sexuality (ME!) or finding the courage to come out to their parents or their friends or at school, and I think there’s just something so magical about this show.

Minor spoiler here, but Issac’s arc in season two was one of the things that kinda helped me realize that I was aroace because when I was watching the show and watching how he interacted with James and romance it made me think “huh, that’s kinda how I feel” and then I did some research (mostly comprised of scrolling the aromantic and asexual tags on tumblr, but a bit of googling as well) and realized that I’m aroace. So this show, that I already absolutely adored, suddenly became the catalyst for realizing my sexuality, and it just has such a special place in my heart. Whenever I’m sad I always rewatch the show or reread parts of the WEBTOON because it never fails to make me smile. To give me hope that there are others out there who are like me, even though all of my friends are straight and cis. And there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that, I love my friends, and they were all very supportive when I came out to them, but they just don’t understand sometimes. They don’t really understand what it’s like to be a part of the LGBTQIA+ community. To be different. It’s not like I’m out publicly, only a few of my close friends know, but it’s still hard sometimes not having anyone to talk to about all this (besides all my wonderful aspec moots of course). My irl friends just don’t understand that sometimes I feel broken, or like there’s something wrong with me. Because, even though I’m very comfortable with my sexuality, I’m in high school, and romance and sex are such a big thing, and it can sometimes be a little overwhelming or isolating when you don’t feel those forms of attraction. Especially when two of your best friends have boyfriends. And I’m very happy for them, but sometimes it stings a little knowing that I can never have that. Obviously queer platonic relationships exist, and that’s definitely something that I want for myself in the future, but it’s just different.

My mom watched the first season with me after I wouldn’t shut up about it, and then again when season two came out we watched it together (it was like my third watch through both times lol). Once season three comes out, and we see more of Issac’s arc of self discovery and figuring out his sexuality, I might end up using it as a bit of a starting point to come out to her, but I don’t know. I know that she and my dad are very supportive of the LGBTQIA+ community, but it’s just so different and scary. Any advice?

P. S. I did not mean to write this much, if you read this whole post, thank you. Thanks for taking the time out of your day to read about my ramblings.

[twomanyfandomshelp]

Thanks for the tag!

Well, better than censored by Disney lol

@thekingofworems @bippityboppityouch @kingofdandelions @aeolianmusic @sushi1056 @theghostnamedspecter @rubbercrowy @donutsalami @theoneandonlywinnie @rosegoldenatlas @the-decapod @chaoticrei @cherrytea556 @harley-the-pancake @thatstevenuniversegay @forest-city @chaotic-agender @fallenrain40 @shamelesswolfstarshipper @magicalmyths @a-fucking-tornado @poppitron360 @theconfusedbookshrimp + anyone else who wants to join in!

Have you ever wondered whether or not you’d be canonically queer if your life was a story? Look no further. This quiz will tell you your canon queer status. 

[doodler16]

To be fair I liked of some of standees of pride month. They're very beautiful in genral and I liked they made one of Octavia and didn't make one of Chaz. This stupid shark has more merch of him than he deserves.

But even so I still have problems with them.

The three male Goetia we know in the show are gay. Really? There no bi, ace or pan among the male Goetias? Viv are not doing any favor to herself or to hide her hiperfixation in skinny gays characters

Barbie is here. Her appearence in the serie was short and meanless, but she is never forgotten when they need to make more merch for to sell.

Mammon finally appeared in the merch again! And holding money bags. And it could have worked in any other collection. But in this one just reinforce what Viv said in the past about aces just being so selfish people to be able to love anyone but themselves. Or, in this case, he is only able to love money.

More Mayberry and Martha merch. Why? Viv, maybe you forgot but you aren't even able to sold all the keychains from them of the Valentine Day. The couple is not so popular as she thinks.

We know now Mayberry, Martha and Vassago sexualities. But not Stella's? Really?

Oh yeah! The merch artists did an amazing job with the standees, shirts, and posters. Very cute and colorful. I’m glad Octavia and Mammon had their chance to shine.

- To be fair: Stolas, Vassago, and Andrealphus are the only ones who are the main focus. The rest of background characters that don’t have a speaking role: However, I do hope in the near future they expand when it comes to other sexualities. For example: nonbinary, agender, aroace, (an actual active) trans-male, etc.

- Barbie wire better be in season 3. Her debut episode was horrible, we have seen Barbie more in merchandise than in the actual show.

- Our boy Mammon is back. I really hope Vivziepop views on asexuality have changed.

- One word: Morgana. Whether that’s a good or bad thing that’s up to you to decide. Here’s the update on said situation:

- Yeah, it is interesting that Stella and Striker’s sexuality haven’t been revealed but we got everyone including Alessio (a background character).

[genderqueerdykes]

The anon mentioning not wanting to cut hair is so so so real for that and I’ve been inspired to say something of my own by that ask.

I hate how almost every transmasculine resource always has some kind of heavy emphasis on the joy of cutting your hair short for the first time, especially if it’s talked about like this universal trans man experience that every trans man has, because it immediately has me questioning if I’m even a guy at all or if the community would ever see or accept me as one. Like if I don’t do this rite of passage then I’ll only ever be perceived as a woman or as some level of nonbinary (which both would technically be correct, but only like 10% of the time, the other 80% I am a dude).

Like yes, a lot of transmascs do want to cut their hair short and this is totally fine, but personally I love my long hair. I love putting it in high twin tails with bows and clips and everything else and in fact one day I’d like to have bangs with this as well. I like having it down and unstyled because I have natural curls and length that make me look like a metal band frontman when I do it. It’s been one of the only traits I’ve liked about my physical appearance for ages and it’s so disappointing to see everywhere go “want to be a man? Great! Cut off all of your hair—“ as like their main or only resource for passing or whatever. I get that it’s the easiest and most accessible option for most people. I get that it’s common for men to have short hair in certain cultures. But I don’t like the imperativeness of it. And I don’t like the assumption that everyone can do that or wants to do that and would pass after doing that. Having my hair short is like genuinely a nightmare scenario for me and I don’t like even thinking about it. It literally pushed back my discovering that I was trans seeing “cut your hair” being plastered as the first piece of advice on every website because kid me saw that and went “oh, trans men want that? I don’t want that, well I guess I must just be a woman then, idk why I’m so sad about that though”.

And then this along with this recent tumblr “Time To Pick a Group and Hate on Them” wave (familiar either tumblr’s tendency for this, I was young and seeing reposts on Pinterest about the whole Ace and Aro exclusionist shit, signed a very tired aroace) with the whole “it’s so much easier for transmascs to pass” thing— like it doesn’t help me much that I like wearing dresses and skirts and I’m fairly chubby, really short, and have big boobs. I have literal fucking I cups. 32 I. I don’t know how to exercise properly since I’ve always had trouble doing it whether I just tire super fast or can’t catch my breath, I can’t bind because my boobs are far too large and I have breathing problems, I can’t go get top surgery now or for the foreseeable future cause I’m stuck living with my unsupportive parents, I already dress fairly masc usually with oversized shirts and everything, and I already have a deep voice— none of this helps me pass whatsoever. If I were to chop my hair off it would do absolutely nothing to my 32 fucking I cups that everyone sees regardless of what I do about them. All it would do is make me sad about not having my hair. No it is not easier for me to pass and I’m not suddenly conforming to gender roles and appearance stereotypes now just to do it. Tbh it just makes me want to not pass even more out of spite. (although being out in this current political climate might not be the best idea at the moment so I’m waiting hopefully only about 4 ish years— that is if I leave this house by then, ok anyway—).

Like oh but “all transmascs have to do is put a flannel on and cut their hair” like 1. If I did that I’d look like my grandma and 2. I have been told my whole life I would basically never pass no matter what I do, what are y’all going on about. Like why is everyone’s idea of passing as a man “tall, slim, rectangle shaped, short hair”. Like, I’m not POC, but at a certain point I can’t help but think that this description is often times really white leaning. Like what about cultures that don’t cut their hair, would they never pass as a man for it? Are they being trans wrong? What about people who are kinda predisposed to being short or fat? And why the hell is the idea of what a GNC trans man looks like always a tiny, white, slender twink with maybe at most big thighs? Are you suddenly not a man if you look any other way and wear a skirt? Idk, fuck it, I’m doing whatever I want.

One day, I want to have top surgery and I want to stand outside in the summer with my twin tails shirtless and I just want to enjoy being outside like that. Idk, I just wish it was more accepted to be anything GNC while still being trans and not being the “ideal” and I wish actual resources for trans issues acknowledged that you can still be GNC more often.

Tangentially related, but it’s really helped me out just getting into a game where a lot of the male characters are pretty GNC in dress and stuff. Like my favorite game series rn, Castlevania, has this character, Simon Belmont, and he’s got long hair, he’s built really hourglass shaped and has big hips, and he wears this tiny mini skirt tunic dress all the time and there’s no official canon design of him ever wearing pants and like, man, it just makes me so happy. Especially cause he used to be the main face of the series for a really long time— and also the character that overtook his mascot spot is also a GNC man with super long hair, Alucard. It’s really nice, he’s goals tbh. Good thing I’m anonymous rn because I feel like I’d get torn apart by the fandom for that take lol, but man does it really really help.

Anyway, this is just kinda a stream of consciousness about general experience being a very closeted GNC trans dude idk, sorry if it’s hard to read in any spots. I really hope you’re doing well, I highly appreciate everything you do here. Even the stuff outside of queer issues, I can relate a lot to the gastro and doctor issues too. You elucidate your topics very well and it’s nice to see someone talking about and standing up for people in the community like this. Take care!

i really wanted to thank you for sending this, i really appreciate it. i think this is such an important ask

Like, I’m not POC, but at a certain point I can’t help but think that this description is often times really white leaning. Like what about cultures that don’t cut their hair, would they never pass as a man for it? Are they being trans wrong? What about people who are kinda predisposed to being short or fat? And why the hell is the idea of what a GNC trans man looks like always a tiny, white, slender twink with maybe at most big thighs?

correct, the hair thing is deeply upsetting for a lot of men where their hair is quite literally important to them & their culture. making an indigenous trans man feel obligated to cut their hair in order to pass in white societies is so fucked up. making men feel obligated to cut their hair in general is fucked, but for some men, having long hair is part of their culture and gender. as you pointed out, some trans men are just naturally shorter or taller. none of these things should matter.

in general a trans man should be able to decide how long they want their hair. when i buzzed my hair short for the first time it was so euphoric. but i enjoy having short hair on most of my head because i have psoriasis. it's not because i want short hair. i actually love long hair, which is why i keep sort of a long mullet or tail of sorts because men are allowed to have long hair

thank you so much for sending this, and for the kind words, i really appreciate it! i hope things get safer so you can be out. there's nothing wrong with being a gnc trans guy, i'm one too, and people have gotta stop policing how men look so hard. it's not helping any man when we do this. we are making men neurotic and feel ashamed of themselves if they don't look like a caricature of a lumberjack. it's not right.

[yamujiburo]

1. You are INCREDIBLY patient when replying to asks. You always politely link them to your FAQ or to your master post. For the bad faith asks, you always are kind in your responses. I wanted to give you kudos. Even though you are well within your right to ignore/skip these asks, you still put thought into your responses. I'm giving you some kind words because I just KNOW it would be draining getting the same messages all the time.

2. I'm a fat person, and I've got a whole host of body issues, but your Jessie really helps with my self confidence. She still sees herself as sexy, and Delia still sees her as sexy (probably sexier lol). I also loved your logic behind the character design: sometimes healing and stability bring weight gain. That in itself has made me feel a bit better about myself. Not trying to treat you as a therapist. I just want you to know the impact your Jessie can have. It's so rare that we see fat characters in a positive light! I do hate how many people have a problem with your design though. :(

3. Aroace James also makes me feel seen. I am coming to terms with the fact I may be aroace myself, and it's been hard. I've always loved James, and I'm grateful you've spun him into a character I can relate to. I'm always all over your blog looking for more James crumbs lol.

I appreciate it! I like to assume the best in people and always answer in good faith. While I wasn’t super vocal at the time, I’ve had my fair share of bad takes on the internet and I feel like those who responded to me with patience and understanding had a longer lasting impression on me and led me to change my mind later. Gave me much to think about. Not everyone’s entitled to that patience but I think there is merit to handling things with kindness sometimes. You never know who’s on the other side of the screen and what they’re saying could just be out of genuine ignorance. Sometimes someone putting it in a gentle way is just the push you need. A lot of the time, I think people just want to be heard and are also willing to listen if they don’t feel immediately shut down.

I’m glad you think so! I love seeing fat characters and I love seeing fat characters who love themselves. Fat is beautiful, fat is cute, fat is hot

Hahaha I should do more with him! Aroace James makes a lot of sense to me given his background. I try not to write ABOUT the experiences of identities outside of my own but I think it’s important to at least show it!