#i’m aroace and making it everyone’s problem

[raccoon-eyed-rebel]

Part 31 - The bathroom equation

Masterlist

Series Masterlist

Part 30 -- Part 32

Summary: The guys (and girls) take to the group chats to discuss some serious issues

Warnings: Post contains generalizations. Please don't murder me for that.

Word count: Exactly 3k!!!!

**A/N: **SO! The guys joined me in the shower yesterday (not as sexy as it sounds, unfortunately) and as @geralts-yenn and I had had a discussion about what the house groupchat would look like (including very necessary shadow-group with just the girls, and a group chat with everyone who regularly spends time at that house...) this is what I came up with.

[The guys' chat is 179CS🏡, the girls are 179CS🧠🧠, and the everyone-group is 179CS Full🏡]

@geralts-yenn @deandoesthingstome @summersong69 @livisss @sillyrabbit81

@ellethespaceunicorn @ylva-syverson @poledancingdinos @thelastsock @wa-ni

@proud-aroace-beastie @totalwool

Mike:

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Sherlock: Great, she’s asking me what I’m laughing at.

August: If you value your life, don’t show her.

Sherlock: And if she steals his phone and sees it anyway? Xoxo Elena

Marshall: Paramedics or police?

Charles: Both.

August: Both.

Leon: Both.

Marshall: 👍🏻

Sherlock: They’ll never get here in time 😈

Mike: Nice knowing you, buddy ❤️

Elena: Dani, get your man in line.

Dani: What he do?

Elena: [video]

Ange: I mean…

Sol: He’s not… wrong…

Dani: He sent me that 🙊

Lexi: Is he okay?

Dani: Was he okay to begin with? 😂

Ange: Not that we know of…

Sy: Speaking of showers… We need rules.

Mike: Eh, why?

Sy: Because I was late for my date yesterday.

August: Which is our problem… how?

Leon: It’s not.

Charles: 👆🏻

Sy: In a house shared by eight guys there’s no excuse for a line for the bathroom!

Mike: Some of us have ✨girlfriends✨

Mike: You should try it sometime

Sy: 🦆🫵🏻 ❤️

Mike: Aww ❤️

Charles: He has a point, though.

Charles: Don’t appreciate getting yelled at for taking a shit in my own damn bathroom.

August: Not to mention the hair.

Sherlock: I don’t see the problem there? Just ask them to clean the drain when they’re done?

Leon: Spoken like a man who has never once in his life watched a woman clean a shower drain…

August: Good luck and farewell, Holmes

Sherlock: ?

Mike: Tears will be cried. Drains will be cleaned — by you.

Mike: Murder may be committed.

Sherlock: Surely, it can’t be that bad?

Geralt: No, he pretty much nailed it.

August: As much as I hate to admit it, the man is right.

Sy: So. New rules?

Leon: House meeting?

Mike: Sure. We’re all home, right?

Sy: Nope.

Mike: What? Why?

Sy: … sometimes when a date goes well, you end up staying over.

Sy: Are there other questions you need answered, bud?

Mike: I think I’m good…

Charles: Ladies, enough with the gossip

Leon: Right. Some of us have work to do.

Charles: Exactly

Sherlock: I highly doubt he was referring to you, Brandon.

Mike: Oooh, mad shade!!! xoxo Dani

Charles: Thanks. Sy, the complaint?

Sy: I had to wait in line to take a shower because the bathrooms were overrun by women.

Leon: Noted. The proposal?

Sy: I’m just pointing out the problem. Someone smarter than me can worry about the solution 🤷🏻‍♂️

Sherlock: Am I right to assume asking the girls to just… spend less time in the bathroom would result in murder, as well?

Sherlock: Never mind, Elena is nodding violently next to me right now.

Mike: What do you want us to do? Assign all the girls to one bathroom?

August: That might work, actually.

Leon: Doesn’t sound like a terrible idea.

Charles: Yes?

Mike: Wow, the one time I have a good idea, I don’t even realize it’s a good idea…

Mike: Wait, no.

Mike: I’m not permanently sharing a bathroom with seven of you because we sometimes have girls over.

August: Kid has a point.

Mike: I’m on a roll today! 😎

Sherlock: That leaves us with the question of how many women would have to be present to necessitate giving them their own bathroom, correct?

Marshall: If you desperately want to make it sound like math, then yes.

Sherlock: Not math. Logic.

Sherlock: And I find myself compelled to point out that I understand and enjoy logic.

August: Dealing with women is an aggravating experience, then, isn’t it?

Sherlock: Absolutely mystifying. But I’ve found that thus far the benefits outweigh the costs.

Mike: You know, for you… That’s actually kinda sweet 😂

Marshall: Romantic 👍🏻

Leon: Don’t tell her that…

Charles: Guys, seriously!

August: Right. Sol and Ange together never caused any problems.

Sherlock: Neither have any… liaisons of a fleeting nature

Mike: Hookups. You mean hookups.

Sherlock: You couldn’t pay me to say that.

Charles: Moot point. The average walk of shame happens before the shower.

Leon: It’s not like they stay for breakfast…

Leon: Beat me to it 😂🤜🏻

Charles: 🤛🏻

Geralt: The both of you are unbearable.

Geralt: August is right.

August: But…

Geralt: Sol and Ange don’t cause problems because Sol doesn’t take forever in the shower.

August: Right. But Angel is a nightmare, and so is Elena. Those two alone are enough to cause traffic.

Sherlock: Correct me if I’m wrong, but ‘Elena and Anjelica together, or either of those combined with any two others, or neither of them but a minimum of three others’ sounds like the kind of rule that will ensure we won’t even need it for the foreseeable future.

Sy: It also gives me a headache.

Mike: I don’t think I even understood enough of it to get a headache…

Sherlock: Minimum of 3, then ask me and Angie to not occupy both bathrooms at the same time. 🙄🙄🙄 Problem solved. You’re all still in trouble for even talking about this ❤️❤️❤️

Ange: They’re giving us what now???

Elena: Bathroom rules…

Dani: Tell me you’re kidding 🙃🙃

Elena: Dead fucking serious 🙄

Sol: Why?

Elena: Apparently 🙄🙄🙄🙄

Elena: We caused a traffic jam last night and made Sy late for his date???

Elena: Fairly sure Alicia didn’t mind because he’s still over there 🙄🙄🙄

Ange: What are the rules?

Elena: I don’t know. I’m glaring at Sherlock from a distance now.

Elena: I’m pleased to report he looks terrified every time I do 😈😈

Elena: They’re considering a girls’ bathroom.

Ange: I’m considering permanent occupation of all bathrooms.

Elena: Your boy called us both nightmares, by the way 😇😇

Elena: Apparently we take too long to shower, idk

Sol: You both take your time, sure…

Elena: Okay, fine. But he doesn’t have to point that out 🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️

Ange: Funeral invitations to follow…

Ange: No but seriously

Ange: He thinks I take too long in the shower?

Ange: Fine!

Ange: I’ll take shorter showers!

Dani: He really said that? 💀

Ange: Let’s see how he feels about that in a week or two.

Ange: Enjoy flossing, August 🙃🙄

Dani: 👀👀 [the agonizing scream you just heard was brought to you by me spitting my drink over Mike’s keyboard]

Lexi: 🙊 Mike and keyboard both okay?

Dani: Keyboard fine, Mike hyperventilating. He’ll be alright, back to you Ange.

Ange: I might have to rescind this attitude…

Ange: As much as I want to get back at him for this, I don’t want him to run…

Sol: You really think he’d care? Ange… he loves you…

Ange: Not that much…

Lexi: Girl, please?? Have you seen the way that man looks at you?

Ange: … He’s never seen me, like… untweezed and unshaved and whatever

Dani: Never?

Ange: Never ever ever.

Sol: 👀👀

Sol: But why?? I only shave when I feel like it – which is almost never – and Geralt has never said anything??

Ange: Girl, you’re a blonde 👀👀

Ange: I don’t wax this stache, 2 weeks from now you’ll be confusing me for August. I swear.

Lexi: Okay there’s literally no way that’s true.

Dani: And even if it was, he’d still love you.

Ange: Yeah but I’m not about to find out, thanks.

Lexi: It’s your body, obviously

Elena: Do what feels comfortable

Dani: But if you do ever miss a day and he does say something nasty…

Elena: I’ll grab the shovels 😇😇

Leon: Ladies and gentlemen — mostly ladies. A little PSA regarding an update in the house rules at 179th Crescent Street. It was recently brought to my/our attention that the addition of a number of regular overnight guests has created a somewhat unmanageable situation in the realm of bathroom use. Therefore, the new policy is as follows: When three or more of the girlfriends are staying over, the upstairs bathroom is all yours! Management is currently unavailable for negotiation.

Charles: TLDR: take your long-ass showers on the second floor. Please.

Ange: This message was deleted.

August: I saw that.

Elena: Oh, I’ll say it with my chest

Elena: You all suck.

Sherlock: No…

Mike: Whatever you do, man, don’t finish that thought 😂

Sherlock: I think they got the message regardless.

Ange: Oh, we got it alright…

Dani: You’re lucky you’re cute, Sherlock 🙄

Mike: Hey!

Lexi: I’m so sorry to say this but… Over my cold, dead body am I walking up a flight of stairs in the middle of the night to pee.

Charles: @Leon Told you the ‘not up for negotiation’ thing wasn’t going to work.

Leon: It was worth a try.

Geralt: We’re not banning anyone from the house for using the ‘wrong’ bathroom

Sol: Then why the pointless rule?

Sy: Because yesterday BOTH bathrooms were occupied for well over two hours!!!

Sy: Seriously, what do you do in there?

Mike: Elaborate satanic rituals?

Sol: Occasionally.

Ange: Let’s see… Do we actually enlighten them?

Mike: Please do, I’m curious now…

Charles: I know what happens when I’m also in the shower… 😏

Ange removed Charles

Ange: Any other takers?

August: Angel…

Ange: Don’t tell me I’m overreacting!

August: I didn’t say a word 😑

Ange added Charles

Ange: Behave.

Charles: 🤐

Elena: Good boy.

Leon: Do you say that to Sherlock, too? 😏

Ange removed Leon

Marshall: Jesus, Ange…

Ange: Ugh, fine.

Ange added Leon

Mike: Seriously, girls… Other than summoning the occasional demon — what are you doing in there?

Sol: I’m gonna let Elena and Angie handle this one…

Ange: Alright. So first I check if I have all 4059834 items I’m going to need. Then at some point you’ll have to get naked, unfortunately…

Dani: Look at everything you hate about yourself for a solid 5 minutes until you’re nice and depressed

Elena: Didn’t come here to be called out like this, but thanks 🙄🙄

Sol: Poke your boobs and watch them jiggle because it’s funny until you’re less depressed

Mike: Getting jealous…

Ange: Then you turn on the shower and wait for the water to warm up

Lexi: To those ungodly temperatures from the pits of hell, you know? 👀👀

Mike: I’m not apologizing for that video, just so you know.

Lexi: That’s actually useful time to make sure you find the right playlist ✨✨

Sy: YOU DON’T NEED A PLAYLIST FOR A SHOWER

Lexi: Hard disagree

Elena: Yes, we do.

Sol: … Am I supposed to listen to my own thoughts in the shower?

Ange: I’d never be able to suppress my homicidal tendencies ever again, holy shit…

Dani: Then we actually get in the shower and warm up because the bathroom is cold, just like our souls.

Marshall: I’m genuinely learning more than I’ve ever wanted to know…

Mike: This is already taking longer than my whole entire shower…

Ange: And we’re not even close to being done.

Elena: @Ange Especially us…

Leon: Okay, fine, I’ll bite… Why is it different for the two of you?

Sol: Because they have curls?

Charles: That makes a difference?

Sy: So?

Mike: Why does THAT matter?

Marshall: Is that… important??

Elena: You’re all so clueless, it’s almost cute 🥺

Ange: @Marshall you actually might want to pay attention to this…

Ange: Alright. By the time I’m warm, my hair is usually wet all the way through

Ange: Massively heavy, by the way.

Ange: It’s hair-washing time! Which, idk about @Elena, but I have to do this in at least 4 sections if I don’t want to miss half of it.

Elena: I can get by with 2, but 4 is better.

Elena: Of course, 9/10 times I fucking forgot to section it before getting in the shower.

Ange: Obviously. So now you’re wrangling your wet hair into submission

Elena: Which is damn near impossible.

Ange: Exactly. But when that’s finally done, you can get to washing it.

Elena: And rinsing it until there’s absolutely no way there’s still any shampoo left.

Ange: Which takes a long ass time, BTW.

Ange: Then it’s ✨deep conditioner✨ time!!! Like… it’s always deepco time. I don’t even use regular conditioner anymore because my hair thinks it’s pointless. So like. That.

Elena: Mood.

Ange: And that stuff needs to sit in your hair for like 15-30 minutes

Mike: That’s like… 3 whole showers…

Charles: I don’t even spend this kind of time on my schoolwork 👀

Geralt: That’s not something to be proud of.

Sherlock: Imagine what you could do if you did.

Ange: Either way, it’s okay, because next… We exfoliate.

August: For those who haven’t been keeping count, we’re on step 12 or something. Jesus.

Charles: @Leon what the damn hell does our water bill look like?

Sol: Pay attention! Exfoliate! Then shave. Which, when you’re 6 feet tall in the showers here… damn near impossible, by the way.

Elena: (Cut yourself at least twice no matter how long you’ve been doing it…)

Lexi: Ohh! Cubicle yoga while holding a razor!!!

Dani: And while wet and slippery…

Ange: We’re superhuman 💃🏻

Sy: You’re nuts is what you are. All of you!

Dani: Anyway, when we reach baby dolphin status…

Dani: Which doesn’t happen until we’ve checked at least three times if we haven’t missed any spots…

Dani: I personally squeeze in brushing my teeth and skincare before rinsing my conditioner.

Elena: 👆🏻

Ange: Same! If I’m paying like 30 dollars for a hair mask that’ll barely last me two weeks, I’m gonna at least spend some time with it 👀✨

Sol: So that’s teeth and face wash in the shower. Then rinse that conditioner.

Ange: Which — again — takes a while if you have curly and/or a lot of hair.

Ange: Also, before I rinse my hair, I spend an ungodly amount of time detangling it with my fingers, which I have to do while the mask/conditioner is in. So…

Marshall: And at this point you’re finally nearly done, right?

Sherlock: … please, for the love of God, let it almost be over!

Ange: Oh, my precious little babies ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

Lexi: At this point we’re slowly considering getting out of the shower, yes.

Dani: But the rest of the bathroom is cold, so we take our time gathering the courage to get out.

Leon: 🤦🏻‍♂️🤦🏻‍♂️🤦🏻‍♂️

Sherlock: The entire bathroom is hot enough to steam salmon at this point!

Mike: And yet, they manage to emerge from Mordor absolutely freezing…

Sol: When we do finally manage to make it out, we wrap ourselves in the biggest towel we can find…

Ange: By the way, ladies, you can thank me and Sol for the presence of the big towels in this house.

Sol: Oh GOD I remember the first shower I ever took here.

Geralt: The towels were fine.

Sol: …………. Geralt, I love and respect you, but you’re wrong and also stupid. ❤️

Ange: You’ll pay for that…

Sol: Looking forward to it 😈😈

Mike: Please continue…

Dani: We’re left with the rest of our skincare. So; toner, 1-3 serums, moisturizer. Sunscreen or oil, for me, depending on the time of day.

Ange: But the mirror is fogged up from the shower, so you have to deal with that…

Leon: YOU KNOW WHERE YOUR FACE IS, DON’T YOU?

Ange: Yes, but it’s also very pretty so I wanna look at it. Thanks.

Lexi: How can I meticulously study all the imperfections in my skin if I can’t see my face???

Dani: Exactly! (To both of those things, simultaneously)

Dani: So, after that, it’s time to moisturize everything you’ve exfoliated and/or shaved.

Elena: Which is… pretty much everything.

Sol: Cue deep sigh because this is where you find out you actually did miss a spot somewhere.

Ange: And then it’s back to the hair for the curly girls!

Elena: Leave in ❤️❤️❤️

Marshall: What?

Sy: ??

Mike: Wut?

Ange: It’s like conditioner, but you don’t rinse it out.

Sherlock: @Elena the stuff that smells good?

Elena: Yes 😂😂😂

Dani: Which reminds me; @Elena, is that your Quench in the bathroom or mine? I can’t remember…

Elena: Oh, God, me neither…

August: Settle this in the shadow group, ladies.

Lexi: You know about that, huh? 😂

Dani: Shit, they figured it out…

Sol: Not surprised… They’re not completely clueless…

Ange: Just mostly…

August: Thanks. Enough of that.

Ange: Okay daddy 🥺❤️❤️

August: 🙄

Ange: Anyway. After the leave-in and maybe two or three other products, I wrap my hair up in my hair-towel — or hair-tshirt.

Charles: Another towel? Why in the fuck?

Ange: Boys. I understand that you don’t give a fuck about this, but…

Ange: Regular towels are actually not good for your hair.

Elena: 👆🏻👆🏻👆🏻

Lexi: Besides… You can’t dry long hair and your body with 1 towel…

Sol: What she said.

Sol: What they both said, actually.

Leon: Are we finally at the end of all of this?

Leon: I’ve literally never been more glad to not have a girlfriend, jesus fucking christ…

Dani: Yeah, pretty much… You get dressed, dreading the cold of the hallway, and then we quickly go find a boy to snuggle up to who can then tell us we smell nice and are very soft, so we can convince ourselves we didn’t just spend an unholy amount of time doing all of that for absolutely nothing.

August: All of this is… insane.

Ange: Hey! I can stop doing half of this, if you think it’s so unnecessary 🙄🙄

Elena: Now that I think about it… It wouldn’t even save any time, because you still need to let the conditioner sit, so…

Charles: Right, ladies, this was very interesting…

Charles: I’m going to take a shower now.

Charles: Talk to you in about… 10 minutes 🙄

Sy: Remind me to never ask any of you any questions literally ever again…

[twomanyfandomshelp]

My friend @shellywith2ls found this on Pinterest during our homeroom today, and when she showed me I started dying laughing.

I asked her to send it to me and she just saved the photo and texted it to me, so I can’t properly credit the person who made this. If you see this, hi, I love this, let me know so I can properly credit you 🙃

Edit:

Thank you @voidisnthere for helping me out with the credit!

[opossums-in-a-trenchcoat]

I can’t stand forced romance in media. You’re telling me this man and woman who’ve barely spoken to each other, have not flirted at all and have barely been together for three scenes are in love??? Like am I just too aroace to see it?? I always feel so surprised

[gods-favorite-autistic]

The idea of Kipperlily mentioning Riz in counseling because she has a crush on him is so funny because she walked into school and picked the most unavailable and unpopular guy possible and said “him that’s who I like”

[daydadahlias]

why are you friends with them if they’re aro/acephobic?

oo what a lovely question that for some reason places blame entirely on me for experiencing acephobia! I’m joking mostly but this does put me in the position to need to defend both my friends and my already very small and unrecognized identity.

So, real talk, pretty much everyone who isn’t ace is on some level acephobic or will say something acephobic at some point without necessarily meaning to. And that’s not because they’re assholes or they’re terrible people and need to change but rather everything to do with their own perceptions of the world and relationships that have been beaten into them since birth through our society. Like, not trying to be a ~pick me~ but I’m the odd one out here and I always have been and I always will be! How many aroace people have you ever met in your real life outside of the internet? I’m guessing the number’s pretty small because I’ve never met any.

I’m in college right now and most of my friends are also college students. All of my friends are dating and having sex and exploring themselves. And that’s fantastic for them!! I love being privileged enough to watch them discover themselves. But they’re all confused as to why I’m not doing it too. Why I’m not dating or having sex or even attempting to explore this other part of life!! And it’s not coming from a place of hatred or cruelty against me and entirely from a place of cultural confusion. Like people just don’t… Get where I’m coming from. And frankly that’s okay. I don’t expect them to considering how every single person on the planet has been socialized since birth. It’s hard to see perspectives other than your own especially when this perspective is held by less than 1% of the global population. And doesn’t show up really anywhere in any of our media. No one really thinks it’s normal to be like this. But why would they? When everyone is always telling them it’s not?

So, if I stopped being friends with everyone who said something that came across to me as acephobic or that made me feel ostracized or weird for how I feel, I simply wouldn’t have very many friends! And I can point out those moments to people and explain how it made me feel but often times it’s simply not worth it and, ultimately, I’m the odd one out and sometimes I just have to take that as it is.

[yamujiburo]

1. You are INCREDIBLY patient when replying to asks. You always politely link them to your FAQ or to your master post. For the bad faith asks, you always are kind in your responses. I wanted to give you kudos. Even though you are well within your right to ignore/skip these asks, you still put thought into your responses. I'm giving you some kind words because I just KNOW it would be draining getting the same messages all the time.

2. I'm a fat person, and I've got a whole host of body issues, but your Jessie really helps with my self confidence. She still sees herself as sexy, and Delia still sees her as sexy (probably sexier lol). I also loved your logic behind the character design: sometimes healing and stability bring weight gain. That in itself has made me feel a bit better about myself. Not trying to treat you as a therapist. I just want you to know the impact your Jessie can have. It's so rare that we see fat characters in a positive light! I do hate how many people have a problem with your design though. :(

3. Aroace James also makes me feel seen. I am coming to terms with the fact I may be aroace myself, and it's been hard. I've always loved James, and I'm grateful you've spun him into a character I can relate to. I'm always all over your blog looking for more James crumbs lol.

I appreciate it! I like to assume the best in people and always answer in good faith. While I wasn’t super vocal at the time, I’ve had my fair share of bad takes on the internet and I feel like those who responded to me with patience and understanding had a longer lasting impression on me and led me to change my mind later. Gave me much to think about. Not everyone’s entitled to that patience but I think there is merit to handling things with kindness sometimes. You never know who’s on the other side of the screen and what they’re saying could just be out of genuine ignorance. Sometimes someone putting it in a gentle way is just the push you need. A lot of the time, I think people just want to be heard and are also willing to listen if they don’t feel immediately shut down.

I’m glad you think so! I love seeing fat characters and I love seeing fat characters who love themselves. Fat is beautiful, fat is cute, fat is hot

Hahaha I should do more with him! Aroace James makes a lot of sense to me given his background. I try not to write ABOUT the experiences of identities outside of my own but I think it’s important to at least show it!

[milo-the-professional-yapper]

Hello Hazbin community!

We need to talk about Alastor and aroace rep.

My qualifications: I’m an aroace who also, at times, feels attraction to others. I don’t know the specific name for it, but I like to think of it as my sexuality being in fluctuation. Sometimes romantic and/or sexual attraction is there, sometimes it isn’t and I’m completely repulsed by it all.

So, Alastor is canonically Asexual (and very much implied Aromantic via the VA and Viv, let’s be honest), and it seems the majority of you have taken that as a challenge of sorts? Like you see one off limits character and feel the need to ship him with everyone under the sun.

Don’t get me wrong, as long as you can separate fanon and canon- this isn’t really about you. But I am sick and tired of people drawing Fanart or writing FanFictions and excusing themselves by saying “Aroace is a spectrum!” Or “He’s in a QPR with so and so!” (let’s be so real, half of those ships I’m seeing are not anything close to a QPR). Please just say you did it because you wanted to- don’t try and make excuses to seem like an ally to the aroace community. I’d really much rather you draw it and not justify it than scramble to seem morally right. You’re not. Let’s all move on.

I would have no problem with this if it didn’t seem like such a big thing. Alastor is the ONE character who’s shipped THE MOST with every other character in Hazbin. That’s why this whole thing seems really icky to me. We don’t have much representation in media- I could count all the ace characters I know on one hand- and the one thing we have, no one seems to have any respect for.

I’m not really mad at anyone participating, I’m honestly just disappointed in a (mostly) queer community.

That’s all, you guys have a good night.

[rozcdust]

I don’t speak to whores

Pairing: Bonten x AroAce!GN!Reader

Genre: Crack, SMAU

Word Count: 1.2k

Warnings: Canon divergent, profanity, ooc, whore behaviour, NO ROMANCE, just reader bullying Bonten

pt. 1 | pt. 2 | pt. 3

Was feeding him a PB&J sandwich necessary?

Probably not.

It was fun though.

Just as you were picking up your papers to go to the meeting you had scheduled. Mikey stormed into your office as if God himself was whipping him, slamming his hands on the table with all of his tiny, yet powerful fury.

Now thinking about it, he definitely seemed like the type to be into that shit.

You merely stared at his piercing, void-like eyes, trying to figure out where, when, and most importantly, if you fucked up.

Maybe he figured out you were the one to feed that PB&J sandwich to a severely allergic Ran.

“Is it true you made Ran throw his own flowers in the dumpster?!” Through his breathless, heavy gasps, the sentence came out more as a single word.

You cocked your head.

“Yes? Is that a problem?”

The loud slam of one of his credit card on your desk made you jump.

Who knew something so tiny could move so fast?

Especially something that looked as if it were poorly taxidermied.

“This is your bonus, you are golden, I love you.”

You blinked.

“Excuse me?”

“The card has 10 million yen on it. Do you want more? I can get you more. Actually, now that you mentioned it, you should get more. Let me just-“

Without even giving you a chance to speak, or finishing his own sentence, the small menace rushed put of your office, his mumbles of ‘Needing to go to an ATM’ still audible from down the corridor.

You blinked at the card.

You could swear it blinked back.

“Well, aren’t you truly beautiful.” A voice you can best describe as nails on a particularly moldy chalkboard pierced your ears, unfortunately drawing your attention to a particularly gruesome creature.

He looked like a fucking jellyfish hybrid born out of human hubris and misery, the awful mop of what he probably called ‘hair’ sitting on his head unpleasantly.

Do people consider this attractive?

“Hello.” Stoically, you greeted, disinterested and already tired of everything regarding this damn job.

Mikey made all these men seem like the Boogie Man, a terrifying yet constant presence, inevitable and permanent in their goal to make everyone around them fail.

Mikey was truly giving them more credit than they’re due, because all these bitches were is exhausting.

The fore-mentioned creature flashed a smile, softly taking your hand into his palm and kissing the top of it, his well-manicured nails digging into the sides of your palm.

Is this considered cute?

You’ve seen cockroaches cuter than this.

Suppressing a gag all while smiling a tight, uncomfortable smile, you wrestled your hand out of his ungodly grasp and plopped on one of the free chairs, next to a slim, decently aesthetically pleasing pink-haired man with scars, hoping he will leave you be.

Wrong.

Again.

You should start a Bingo card.

“Hello!” Energetically, he spun towards your direction, the chair producing an ear-piercing squeak as he got way too close to your face, “I’m Sanzu!”

Oh.

The spawn of Satan.

Great.

“Hello to you too.”

“Baby, you’re hot, I just may fall in love.” Beaming a smile your way, he tilted his head, his hand sneaking to rest around your shoulders, making your skin crawl the same way worms will through his rotting flesh if he puts his filthy hands anywhere close to your goddamn body again.

Thank God for rule number three.

Physical violence is encouraged.

And that is just what you did.

As minutes ticked by, incredibly slow if you may add, more people trickled in, all faces unfamiliar but two, one belonging to the slutty little bitch man from a few days ago, and the other to Kakucho, who you have decided to label ‘depression incarnate’, purely off the permanently sour expression on his otherwise pleasant face.

And finally, Mikey.

Just as he opened his mouth to shush his little rodents, you made a mental note to tell him his hair is an abomination.

The meeting was a fucking disaster.

If you had paper-thin patience before, the blond catboy has successfully managed to shave it down to an electron-thin slice of pure rage.

You had one job, one *fucking* job, present your shit, tell them they’re idiots - a Mikey approved method - and be the fuck out of there.

But no.

The capitalistic catboy had to interrupt you constantly, an irritating crescendo of “Sorry, may I just add really quickly-“, “Sorry sweetheart, let me-“, “Sorry, but this chart-“ almost making your ears bleed.

You could feel your blood pressure rising by the milisecond.

Hands crossed, foot tapping with impatience, you tried to finish your report in a polite manner.

“So to conclude your schedules-“

Of course the human embodiment of a Persian cat couldn’t even let you do that.

“Sorry to interrupt, but may I-“

That was it, your patience left you, dead and departed to chase wild buffalo in prairies of some better worlds.

Your face twisted into a sardonic, wrathful smile.

“I am almost done, let me just get this done, and then I’ll leave the podium all up to you.”

He tilted his head, his dead, irisless eyes staring deep into your soul.

Mikey said this was the romantic one?

Mikey clearly has no fucking idea what the hell is he talking about.

To be fair, neither did you, but you knew the definition of the word, and it did not include whatever the fuck this dude was snorting.

“Kokonoi-san, I am almost done.��

“But-“

The electron got split into a fucking particle, and with a perfectly sweet, professional voice, you picked your words carefully.

“Kokonoi-san” You placed your hands on the table, leaning towards him, with a sickly sweet smile, “This is your last warning. When you’ll have to deal with 8 idiots, then you may speak.”

The fucker leaned right back, an even sweeter smile on his stupid, horrifying face.

“You think I am scared of you?”

“Actually, yes, as all of you combined have the time management of a dead gerbil, without someone managing your time as if I were your goddamn mommy, you’d all be swamped and get nothing done in this godforsaken gang. I recommend you shut you mouth, let me talk, and listen. I can see your fucking browser history, you know?”

The flash of horror on his face gave you an incredible amount of satisfaction.

Straightening your back out, your cold gaze passed all of them.

“Any more complaints?”

Silence.

“I asked a question.”

You were met with a unison of muttered no’s.

“Excellent, so to circle back to Rindou’s schedule-“

Two days passed in relative silence.

Only two fucking days.

But you can’t have shit in this goddamn workplace, now can you?

You’ve seen feral hogs better behaved than these motherfuckers.

“Hey, y/n, I brought you these reports.” Blondie barged into your office, without even knocking, naturally, and with a cocky sway in his walk, he laid the papers on your desk, straightening them out meticulously.

You don’t know what it was about him, but you had a bone-deep desire to break his fucking jawbone.

You refused even look up at him, merely nodding instead, as it was your break and you were too busy complaining to your best friend about how annoying your coworkers were to pay the resident catboy cosplayer any mind.

What a fucking joke.

Kokonoi, for whatever godforsaken reason, stood by the damn desk, not moving a muscle, barely even breathing, still waiting on you to pay him a crumb of attention.

Not happening until that damn clock hits noon.

Minutes ticked by.

Your best friend sent their condolences just as the clock at the top of your screen spelled out the end of your break, and with a heavy sigh, and finally giving up, you laid your phone on the desk, glancing in the general direction of Mr. Krabs.

And there was a Burkin bag right on your desk, for whatever reason.

You stared at the bag.

It stared back.

You finally looked up at the man.

“We kinda got off on the wrong foot,” He sheepishly smiled, rubbing the back of his neck, “I want to give you this. As a peace offering. It’d fit your aesthetic well.” Shrugging, his previous humility was replaced by a smug smile.

Your face didn’t move a muscle.

On one hand, Mikey said to never accept gifts.

On the other…

This was fucking expensive.

And would sell great on e-Bay.

“That is very kind of you. Apology accepted.” Leaning your elbows on the desk as your fingers interlaced, you offered a polite smile, nodding your head.

His smugness only grew.

“I’m glad. I hope we can work together for a long* time.”

“I hope the same, Koko.”

“So would you like to go out to dinner sometime? As coworkers, of course, I’d like to meet you a little better.“

Raising an eyebrow, you looked him up and down, repeating it numerous times over.

“Well I don’t really think that’d be quite professional…”

“Oh come on, my treat, I’m sure we’ll get along great.” He laughed, playfully sticking his tongue out.

Leaning back into the comfort of your chair, you started filing your nails.

“I’m allergic to food.”

“What?” Kokonoi blinked, all of his previous mischief stopping to a halt.

You nodded, looking away, a look of deep sorrow marring your face.

“Yes, it is in fact a very serious condition.”

“Wait, so, how do you stay alive? Like, how aren’t you dead?”

“Photosynthesis.”

🔖Taglist (closed):

@1818cigarettes @nana-phobia @dilf-city @wakasa-wifey @rinsie @kisekihany @missarabellla @bajifairyy @cryszus @r-xochitl @m0rrax @levistiddies @bxnten @spookygeto @graythecoffeebean @yukihime-mikeys-girl @mukounisuru-gashadokuro @sunahyejin @crybabylisa @yamaguccitadashi @minoozi @gigibobigi @trashmemebitch @frogtits1 @sup-zfam @whydohumansss @xashiui @bontens-whore @nqctre @bontenacious @lumi-does-some-stuff @hana-patata @hxked @erza-uzumaki @sh4nn @sisnot @aurel1ia @nahoyas-nymph @one-green-frog @justrandomlypassing @kio-kookie @haikyuu-simps-assemble @arlecchino-n-scara-k @ayhashi @mOrl @tiredlattes @jeagerslutx @hayamirinrin @crown5 @medusalovessnakes @bblyerim @ohnoyouareasimp @sakinotfound @syddisheep @barcelona-sergei @solliver05 @ricecake23 @ayamvirus @vanillaashakee (second tag list in comments. in bold are those who tumblr won’t let me tag. my apologies!)

suggested by: @nahoyas-nymph

[wc-confessions]

Okay I’m gonna say this about the aroace Mousefur thing The Erins explicitly state she had no interest in a mate or kits I am aroace too and don't want romance or other stuff at all It’s becoming a problem when people take away the rep of the aroace people that don’t want to be married or have a partner or have kids Yea aroace people can get married or have kids but putting them into ships despite what the authors said is canon is getting rid of the little representation there is for aroace people that don’t want kids or a partner It happens in other fandoms too like Hazbin Hotel everyone makes Alastor a confirmed aroace into a bunch of relationships All we want is our share of representation too Why is it so hard to ask for

.

[twomanyfandomshelp]

Y’all, we’re trending!

Swearing beneath the cut.

FUCK YEAH ASEXUALITY IS TRENDING

This is such a huge deal, the aromantic and asexual spectrums are such underrepresented sections of the LGBTQIA+ community, and yet we’re trending at number 6. This is insane in the best way possible.

Now we’ve just got to get aromantic up there too, then we’ll be unstoppable!

[almond-sw1rl]

‼️My Introduction‼️

Hello everyone‼️ I don’t feel comfortable sharing my name so please call me Alm!

I really love:

• Ramshackle

• Ranboo

•Moon Girl

But I really REALLY love Ramshackle, I’m not joking they are literally my life.

Personal Boundaries:

•I’m 15. If you’re over the age of 18, please don’t interact with me or dm me! •I identify as she/they and I’m a bisexual and aroace! •Please don’t dm me saying certain things, if you know what I mean.

Comfort Characters // People

•Stone (Ramshackle)

•Ranboo (dsmp // Twitch)

•Matt, Chris, Nick (Sturniolo Triplets)

•Angel Dust (Hazbin Hotel)

Requesting art or fanfics:

•I absolutely have no problem making fanart or fanfictions in different fandoms, I enjoy it a lot actually! •Dont be scared to ask, I do all of them! { Fluff, Angst, Lee!/Ler!, etc. } •DONT REQUEST SM*T OR NSFW‼️

[kunimix]

—NEON GUTS

Anemo boys + Childe(?)

Scaramouche; [Name]’s tutor!! (🥳) Has a crush on you but will NEVER admit it. Sometimes puts up a peace sign when you take pictures of him. Listens to summer walker RELIGIOUSLY. He brings snacks when you guys have a tutor lesson. Says he doesn’t like his friends but will do anything with or for them (you included). Cried to Lilo and Stitch once but has never mentioned it (only person who knows is Kazuha)

Heizou; Quick to pick up on hints of ANYTHING. Him and Lumine are gossip buddies. Rizzes up his friends every chance he gets. Only one (other than Childe) knows that Scaramouche has a crush on you. Crushing on Syd. Talks to you or Kazuha when he wants to ask about Syd.

Kazuha; The plug for almost the whole school. Late asf replies don’t ask him about anything important over text he will reply in like 5 hours. Always has Aux because he had the best music taste. Almost cried when he didn’t have any snacks but Scaramouche came and gave him some snacks (that was supposed to be for you).

Xiao; Almost everyone goes to him when they have problems and he’s like “What the fuck am I gonna do about it??” The worst chef and baker don’t ever ask him to make you something, he burnt scrambled eggs. Listens to Frank Ocean. Cried to Frank Ocean but when asked by anyone if he did he claims he didn’t.

Venti; DO NOT and I’m saying do not give him Aux the first song he’s gonna play is four big guys. Watches Teen titans go and Tawog. May seem stupid but is actually top 3 in his classes. He can walk on his hands and he does it to creep you guys out. Aroace king right here. Best cook and baker there is. Gives his friends a cookie or brownie almost everyday.

Childe; Sings Disney songs to piss everyone off (Venti starts singing with him). Bro is in love with Zhongli (aka Xiao’s father figure/guardian). Asks you 25/8 if you like Scaramouche just because he wants to see your reaction. Sometimes joins your tutor sessions. He doesn’t really study but he does eat the snacks.

prev ep | masterlist | next ep

Summary; Scaramouche is “forced” to tutor you the “dumbass” of the class.

Dividers by @cafekitsune

[birb-boyo]

@bokettochild (I’m @ing you because you’re probably the biggest person who reblogged and I want to get this around)

I think everyone misread the tone about Legend and Fable. Like, everyone is entitled to their opinion about them, I have no problem with that

The post was mostly dogging on my For You because they always came in pairs. I found the parallel funny, not disgusting or bad

The post wasn’t a bash at anyone who shipped those two and I’m sorry if it felt like that

But yeah, I hate when people take things the wrong way and jump on my back about it

I made the post about Time holding Wolfie and how that was attractive and the only thing people took from it were HIS GAUNTLETS MAKE HIM STRONGER like…that’s not the point of the post, but I digress

So yeah, everyone read the tone wrong and I’m sorry if it came across as rude. I’m literally on no one’s side with that ship. I mean, zelink is probably the most popular loz ship, but like…

Legend is aroace guys😔

[miseryoforpheus]

intro post <3

Hey there!

Im Jamie and my pronouns are They/She/he

Im a neurospicy minor (but I will swear and also am fine being moots with/talking to adults as long as no one is a creep to me it’s all good)

Uhhh welcome to my online diary :|

Happy to make friends if u want - feel free to DM me

online diary blog w lots of Neil Gaiman reblogs bc he’s my idol

Fun facts about me:

Umm ok (trying to think of fun facts now)

Im Italian but grew up in England, would love some more Italian moots <3

my favourite authors are Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett (but it’s been like that since before I read good omens lmao) also Rick Riordan and Alice Oseman

certified gravity falls child

if u couldn’t tell by the URL I’m obsessed with Greek and Roman mythology

nostalgic for a time I wasn’t even alive - late 80s and early 90s mainly but also like 70s

nostalgic for a time I WAS alive (barely but it still counts bc I do remember it) - the late 2000s

I did a quiz to see what Beatles band member I’d be and got Paul Mcartney

damn u rlly don’t realise how boring u r till u try and do an about me huh

Music I like:

Hozier, Olivia Rodrigo, Conan Gray, Harry Styles, YUNGBLUD, Beatles, Elton John, Queen, Renée Rapp, TV girl, bears in trees, Ricky Montgomery, NOAHFINNCE, MARINA, Fleetwood Mac

getting into:

Nirvana [used to love them a few years ago but then a mean girl made fun of me for it so I stopped listening to them but I’m starting again]

Dominic Fike Paramore

mother mother

MCR

the neighbourhood

The tags I will use:

Jamie answers asks - u guessed it this is for answering any asks

the most boring soap opera - my life stuff because my life is the most boring soap opera

MOTD - mood of the day which is just a lil thing I do

for the record:

I stand with Palestine 🇵🇸

please click here every day:

also free Ukraine 🇺🇦

aro and ace people are LGBTQ+ and this is an aro and ace and aroace safe blog

in general this is a COMPLETELY safe space

if u want anyone to talk to btw I’m always here to chat, can’t guarantee i’ll be able to help but I am always willing to listen literally any time we don’t even have to be moots or anything just DM me ok? Ily all take care of yourselves ok loves? <3

Also one last thing just for ppl that know me, I have no problem with u following this blog or anything but be warned that I’m not gonna filter my opinion at all on here bc I need a place to be myself and if u don’t want to see that i understand and idm just pls don’t take it as a personal attack or anything if u ever think something I post relates to you, I promise it’s not I just need to vent <3

My MOTD ratings:

0-2 > feeling really really really shitty

3-4 > shitty like I have too much sadness and anger and everything inside me and it feels horrible and yeah yk [reckless behaviour is strong here for me + pretty strong intrusive thoughts]

5 > normal. Numb. Yucky. Normal level of intrusive thoughts [for me at least, everyone is different]

6-7 > smol happy, probably was a bad day that got better

7-8 > :D

9-10 > fucking ecstatic

[triforce-of-mischief]

You cannot physically stop people from shipping in the LU fandom. As long as it's properly tagged so it can be avoided it's fine

You’re right, I can’t. And I don’t want to. I enjoy my Zelink, Malink, and Midlink (and many more) and I love to see our boys explore romantic relationships with their princesses, sidekicks, and npcs. And I always tag everything so people can avoid ships if they’re not comfortable with them.

But I’m guessing that’s not what you’re talking about.

You want to make a fuss about how I’ve made my thoughts clear about Linkshipping, in and out of LU.

So here’s the deal, once and for all: Non-LU Linkshipping is not bad. In fact, I support it! I’ve been reading @ageless-soul-au and I LOVE the dynamic between their main ship. The creator of @linked-maze is also open to Linkshipping, and has drawn ship art of their characters. 

Too often, people forget that LU is one comic drawn by one person. It’s not the only Links-meet AU and it doesn’t control the rules for every other fandom. Nothing is stopping you from creating content for a different Links-meet AU (that allows Linkshipping), or making your own. You can ship as many Links as you want, and nobody can tell you you’re not allowed to.

The difference with LU is that the one person, who draws one comic, that happened to create one fandom, requested that you respect her wishes to not use her characters for Linkshipping. That’s right: Jojo is not Nintendo. She doesn’t own all Links, but you don’t own her Links. There’s an infinite amount of Links out there for you to ship together, from established AUs to your own. What’s so special about LU that you NEED to be inconsiderate and ship her Links when you can ship somebody else’s (including your own)?

Everybody in the LU fandom is aware of the single rule that Jojo has asked us to follow with her characters. And we like it that way! Shipping discourse is almost nonexistent and it’s a safe place for people on the aroace spectrum who just want their found family content.

But if you come to the LU fandom with the sole purpose of disrespecting everyone just to give yourself a sense of power over somebody else’s creation, I don’t know what to tell you. I hope you reconsider your choice to slap the LU label on your Linkshipping content. I hope you realize how rude it is to everyone when you actively try to mess up the fandom experience for hundreds of people when you could simply avoid LU altogether and let everyone enjoy the content they came here for.

At this point, the only people starting discourse are the wannabe LU-Linkshippers themselves. The majority of the fandom is comfortable with Linkshipping AUs separate from LU, and there’s no need for us to harass non-LU Linkshippers for doing what they want while respecting Jojo and the LU fandom. You’re making a mountain out of a molehill, and for some reason you’re dead set on making it our problem too.

This isn’t what I want to be known for. I just want to be a fic writer who loves to angst Legend. I’m not going to involve myself in discourse and I’m telling you right now that if you try to bring it to my ask box, it’s over before it started. Go check out some other AUs and turn off anon if you absolutely have to continue this discussion in a civil manner.

Thank you for understanding.

[j-nipper-95]

I really need to sort a non-ASR banner for non-ASR related stuff. A future problem for a future Jess.

Thank you so much for the tags the last couple of weeks everyone! I have been writing, I just haven’t got around to responding and sharing 🙈 in fact, I was telling Ashton this week, the El Dorado AU fic has surpassed 56k already … we’re going for an Epic on this one, folks. An hour and a half film for inspiration? Psh, try a book that could be verging into Samantha Shannon levels of thickness, that’s the level of detail and chaos we’re dealing with with this fic. Please God don’t let this become a ‘Roots of Chaos’ length fic. I’m not sure I have the capacity to write an Epic that long 🥲

That being said, have some words. (Simon POV)

The gun shot echoes throughout the entire gallery.

“Go,” I whisper harshly, shoving Baz away from the office towards the entrance to the gallery.

We head back towards the marble stairs we walked up a few minutes ago, and start creeping down them as quietly as we can. The soles of my shoes are softened through wear, but of course Baz has his Oxford’s on, so his heels are clicking with every single step.

“You and your fucking shoes,” I hiss.

“Now’s not the time, Snow.”

“Now’s the perfect fucking time. I swear to God, if we get caught because they fucking hear you—”

The office door slams against the wall upstairs and for a split second I’m torn between just stopping and waiting quietly, to see if they come our way, or just making a break for it.

Baz chooses the second option.

He tucks the map beneath his shirt, and slips the ring onto his little finger, before he grabs my hand and pulls me along.

For the second time in a month, we’re running away from the Now Next.

I am absolutely loving writing this fic. It’s been such a process from start to where we’re at currently (lord knows we’re nowhere near the finish with this one), and it’s really testing my writing skills. I’m such a combo planner/pantser, more leaning to the planner side of things usually. But this fic has just taken me by the throat and gone ‘we’re going this way’ and I’ve just had to follow the inspiration wherever it takes me!

Currently I’m in a bit of a writer’s block phase, but here’s hoping that won’t last too long.

Tagging (and I know some of you have already shared today, but I just love everything you’re working on right now, so sharing the love!): @artsyunderstudy @aroace-genderfluid-sheep @aristocratic-otter @bazzybelle @blackberrysummerblog @bookish-bogwitch @cattocavo @chen-chen-chen-again-chen @cutestkilla @dragoneggos @erzbethluna @ebbpettier @fatalfangirl @frjsti @henreyettah @hushed-chorus @ileadacharmedlife @ivelovedhimthroughworse @krisrix @larkral @letraspal @martsonmars @nightimedreamersworld @orange-peony @prettylightsbigcity @palimpsessed @phoxphyre @raenestee @skeedelvee @stardustasincocaine @subparselkie @theearlgreymage @you-remind-me-of-the-babe