#and my fucking binder… literally could barely breathe

[myname-isnia]

Walking home from grandma’s was literal hell and I only made it by some sheer miracle

[roosterforme]

Always Ever Only You Part 31 | Rooster x Reader

Summary: Bradley didn't like the fact that you'd soon be leaving him for a work trip to Annapolis. Being apart was hard enough before, but he knew it would be worse now. His thoughts start to manifest, and he wonders if he'll ever be enough of what you and the baby need.

Warnings: Swearing, smut, pregnancy topics, angst, fluff

Length: 4900 words

Pairing: Bradley "Rooster" Bradshaw x Female Reader

This was written to accompany my series Is It Working For You? along with a bunch of my one-shots and other series, but it can be read on its own! Check my masterlist for the reading order. Always Ever Only You masterlist. Gorgeous banner by @mak-32

Bradley sat on the living room couch in his boxer briefs with a plate full of peanut butter crackers and a glass of ice water. He'd been doing his due diligence by making sure you ate several small meals throughout the day and fucking you as soon as your eyes welled with tears when you reached for him. He could tell now when you were about to throw up just as easily as he could tell when you needed to get off. It was amazing how unprepared he was for dealing with all of this, but none of it was putting a damper on the constant excitement he felt. 

"Okay. Next slide," you said as you hit the spacebar on your laptop which was open on the coffee table displaying information he could barely understand. He held up the plate and let you eat a cracker before handing you the glass of water so you could take a sip. Then you handed it back to him and took a deep breath before diving into the information on the new slide.

You'd been at it for hours, trying to get your parts down perfectly so you could spend the upcoming week rehearsing the presentation with Cat before you left for Annapolis. Bradley came back from playing golf on Sunday, and you and he had a quickie in the laundry room literally while you helped him out of his sweaty clothes. Afterwards, when he tried to get in the shower, you guided him to the couch instead as you said, "Don't shower yet. You smell so good, it'll motivate me to practice my slides."

And that's how he ended up where he was. "You're doing great, Baby Girl," he whispered whenever you paused to eat some of your snacks. "I'm so fucking proud of you."

Bradley marveled, not for the first time, over the fact that you married him. You were the smartest and most capable person he'd ever met, explaining things in such detail that only the most intelligent people in the Navy could possibly comprehend you. All while also wearing his rings and carrying his baby.

He sat as patiently as he could while you meticulously finished your presentation, but as soon as you went over the final slide and closed your laptop, he was up off the couch. And this time he was the one ready to start whining for you. "Can we go to the bedroom?" he asked as you looked at the notes in your binder and put them in a different order. 

"Hmm," you hummed, shifting a few more sheets around. "In a minute," you mumbled, but when you bumped into him, you smiled. "You're hard, Bradley."

"Baby Girl," he moaned as you rubbed yourself against him. "Your presentation was way too sexy. Let's go get in bed."

You were laughing. "If you thought it was sexy now, just wait until the admirals get to see me do it in uniform."

"I'm already jealous," he whispered, coaxing you along with his fingers at your back. When he wrapped his hands around to the front of your body, he said, "I can't wait until you have a baby bump."

"I can," you told him softly as you climbed into bed and looked up at him where he stood. "What if I look hideous?"

"You couldn't." His response came quickly, because he didn't have to think about it at all. "You won't. You'll still be perfect."

He ran his fingers along the necklace he'd given you and played with the charms as you asked, "Even when I'm huge and miserable and nine months pregnant? And when I'm all lumpy looking after the baby is born?"

Bradley leaned down and kissed you softly. "You threw up on me yesterday after you burst into tears and yelled at me for leaving Tramp's leash on the porch, and I still wanted to make love to you. I don't think you have anything to worry about."

You groaned and then started laughing and curled up into a ball on your side. "I'm sorry I'm such a mess right now."

"Don't apologize. I know you didn't mean any of it," he replied with a chuckle as he slid into bed behind you and pulled the covers over both of you. "And I'm ready for you to have a belly, because you'll look adorable. And it also means we'll be closer to meeting the chicken nugget for real. The ultrasound pictures are cute and all, but I can't wait to see the little nugget in March."

"You just like calling it that, because it's a Rooster joke," you said as he wrapped his arms around you and kissed your neck. "I'm surprised you're not trying to design a chicken themed nursery."

"Hey," he grunted next to your ear as he worked your yoga pants and your underwear down over your butt. "You promised me we could do airplanes for the nursery," he reminded you, guiding his fingers over your thigh to your tattoo. He traced it from memory as you sighed softly before he felt you spread your legs wider for him. Bradley smiled as he ran one fingertip down your slit, discovering that you were already wet for him. "Baby number two can have a chicken themed nursery."

You moaned his name as he slipped one finger inside you, but he didn't hear you argue about his fantastic idea.

-------------------------

You were completely scatterbrained at work all week, and you could tell you were making Cat nervous. You'd probably be making Bickel nervous too, but he had so much faith in you, he was completely at ease. The fact that he was sending the two of you to Annapolis for the week on your own was a testament to that fact. 

"You'll do great, Lieutenant Commander," he said when you were in his office to give him a final copy of the powerpoint presentation. "Pretty soon you won't even need me around since you could run the lab yourself. Just bring back all of that funding so we can keep the pilots up in the air for as long as possible."

"Yes, sir," you told him with a smile as he tapped through your slides. He made a few comments, and you took notes, but his trust in you and the Top Gun program always made you feel confident. 

"This looks great. Call me during the week after you give your presentations."

"We will," you promised, and when he dismissed you, Cat was on you as soon as you were back in the lab. 

"What did he think?" she asked, tapping her fingers on the counter. "Did he hate it? Do we have to redo it? You've been so weird all week that it's making me feel weird too!"

You laughed, because for the first time in weeks, you were feeling slightly normal. "He said it's great. We're ready to go."

"Oh," she replied, her fingers relaxing immediately. "I just really want to get a promotion," she whispered. "I really need a pay raise."

"I know," you reassured her. "We'll be fine. I know all of the slides by heart. Bradley has been spending hours practicing them with me."

Cat snorted. "Yeah, something tells me that's a bit of a stretch."

"What do you mean?"

"I've seen you and Bradley in the cafeteria all week," she replied, giving you a knowing look. "Five minutes around him and the two of you go sneaking off. But I guess if I had unlimited access to Jake like that, I would also be 'practicing for hours'."

You knew discretion wasn't your strong suit when it came to your husband, but Cat wasn't going to even humor you trying to deny it. "I've been trying to get as much of him as I can now since I'll have to go days without."

She nodded and said, "We'll have fun though. Maybe we can go out one night for drinks."

The last thing you wanted to do was make her feel like you didn't want to spend time with her in Annapolis. "That would be really fun," you replied with a tight smile. You'd figure it out. Just like you'd figure out how you were going to deal with your parents when you saw them for dinner while you could barely eat. 

When you got home from work on Friday, you parked the red Bronco in the empty driveway and let Tramp outside. You were already packing for the trip when Bradley got home. He came into the bedroom and just looked you up and down with his hands on his hips. 

"Why are you looking at me like that?" you asked as you stacked up your underwear and some of his shirts that you'd use as pajamas on top of your uniforms on the bed.

"Well I got used to you practically ripping my clothes off as soon as you see me. I half expected you to be waiting on the porch with your panties in your hand."

You laughed. "I'm sorry. Do you want to go back outside and I'll meet you on the porch?"

"Yeah, kinda," he replied, still staring at you with hands planted on his narrow hips. You could feel your saliva pool on your tongue as he smiled, his mustache twitching to one side. "I was just getting used to your pregnancy hormones." 

You had to swallow hard as he shifted his weight and dropped his arms to his sides, but the flex of his biceps got you, because you could see his tattoo. He was several feet away, but you swore you could smell him. Your body clenched with need as he ran one hand through his hair, and your voice came out as a needy moan when you said, "You look good, Roo."

When he met your eyes, you could see that your words had some color rising in his cheeks. His lips parted softly, but you were in his arms before he even got a word out. "So the hormones are still in full effect?" he grunted.

"Oh yeah," you whispered, threading your fingers through his hair. "Or maybe it's just how I always am with you."

You were kissing along his neck, inhaling his incredible scent as he rasped, "Sweetheart, I'm going to miss you and the nugget so much next week."

After that, your bedroom was a mess of articles of khaki clothing flying in every direction. Bradley barely got your underwear down your thighs before you were begging for him, and he fucked you while he was still in his boots and uniform pants. Bent over the side of the bed with your face pressed to the bedding next to your travel toiletries bag, you'd never felt as adored in your life. His hands were soft on your hips, and his mouth was feather light as he kissed your spine and between your shoulder blades. 

"I love you so much, Sweetheart," he crooned, bringing you closer with each deep thrust. Then his hand was soft on your belly as he whispered, "Love you," over and over again until you came.

You were still bent over the bed a few minutes later with Bradley still inside you while he ran his fingers up and down your arms and kissed your right shoulder. "I think perhaps I should pack a vibrator or two for my trip?"

"I think that would be wise," he replied with a soft chuckle. "Let's get you packed, and then we can take a bath and eat whatever you and the baby want for dinner."

----------------------------

Bradley opened his Amazon package on Sunday morning while you sat on the bathroom floor in front of the toilet. Your flight was in a few hours, and he had no idea how you were going to make it to Maryland in your current state. He was unboxing everything he could find that was supposed to help with morning sickness so you could take it with you. 

"Just go play golf, Roo," you moaned through the open door. "I can get Cam or Maria to take me to the airport after brunch."

He sighed as he dropped a pack of lollipops on the bed. He had already invited himself to brunch with your friends. While he made the occasional cameo, he was by no means a regular when it came to you eating that avocado toast, but he wanted to spend as much time with you as possible today. 

"I'll be the one taking you to the airport, Baby Girl," he replied as he walked into the bathroom and knelt behind you. "I want to be around you this morning."

You looked at him over your shoulder with watery eyes as you wiped your mouth with toilet paper. "You want to be around this?" Your voice was sarcastic and raw, and he smiled immediately. 

"Always." He kissed your forehead and said, "I'm adding the packs of peanut butter crackers to your suitcase along with the candy I bought. And I got you a pregnancy pillow to help you sleep once you have a belly."

You moaned and said, "I was just going to make you be my pregnancy pillow."

He rubbed your back while you threw up and said, "Well now you have two."

After Bradley loaded your suitcase and gigantic plastic tub of stuff for your presentation into the red Bronco, he helped you finish getting dressed. "There's literally nothing in my stomach now," you told him while you sucked on a ginger candy. 

"Yeah, and that's not a good thing. Are you going to try to eat your gross breakfast?"

"I'm so hungry," you whimpered. "If we don't leave soon, Cam will order my meal for me and start eating it if I'm not there."

Bradley snorted as the two of you walked outside when you were done saying goodbye to Tramp. He steered you to the passenger side door and buckled you into the new Bronco. "I haven't driven her since we brought her home," he said wistfully, running his hand along your thigh and enjoying the new car smell. You looked really tired, and the last thing he wanted to do was send you off to Maryland, but you seemed excited about giving the presentation and seeing your parents. "I might drive it while you're gone so she and I can miss you together."

You gave him a watery smile. "I don't even want to leave you."

"You'll be fine," he told you with a kiss. "You've got your vibrators."

The way you rolled your eyes made him laugh as he walked around to the driver's side door. When he cranked the engine to life and backed out of the driveway, you gasped. "Have I been that horrible to you?"

Bradley took your hand when you reached for him as he drove down the block. "What are you talking about?"

You burst into tears. "I haven't been appreciating you enough. You think I'm just going to miss your cock."

He was trying so hard not to laugh as he turned left, really enjoying the feel of the second Bronco. "Sweetheart, I don't think that at all. You're doing all the hard work right now, not me. And my cock is yours for the taking."

But you just cried softly as you said, "I'll be better when I get back. I promise. And I'll miss all of you. Every little bit." 

Bradley was still wiping away your tears as you wrapped your arms around him when you got to the restaurant. Your emotions were absolutely all over the place right now, and he knew better than to take any of it personally at this point. When the hostess told him that the rest of his party was already here, Bradley was surprised to look up and see Bob at the table with Maria and Cam.

"Oh," you gasped as you and he headed in their direction. "Oh my god, I fucking knew it."

Maria hopped out of her seat to give you a hug, and she seemed a little nervous as she said, "I hope you don't mind that I invited Bob to come too since you said Bradley was coming."

"We don't mind," you told her immediately, and Bradley gave Bob a fist bump while the other man blushed. "It's always nice to see Bob," you said as you bent to kiss his cheek, and his blush grew deeper. 

Then you sank down into the seat between Bradley and Bob as Cam said, "I feel like I just crashed a double date. I didn't know it was 'bring your own aviator to brunch day''."

"I'm sorry," Bradley replied as Cam bit into a piece of cinnamon toast a little aggressively. "I only came so I could take this one directly to the airport afterwards."

"I think that's sweet," Maria said with a smile as she so obviously tried not to look at Bob. Bradley also noted that neither of them denied the words double date. "Mimosas for everyone?"

You hummed quietly while Bradley started to panic, but you smoothly said, "None for me," while you looked at the menu as if you were going to order something other than avocado toast. "The time zone switch is already going to mess me up enough later." 

Bradley drank a mimosa with his stack of five pancakes to seem as inconspicuous as possible, and the conversation was pretty good once Cam calmed down about being aviator-less for the day, but soon it was time to get you out of there. And not just because it was getting late.

"You okay?" Bradley asked on the walk back to the Bronco as you grabbed his hand. 

"I don't know," you mumbled, wrapping your free arm around your stomach. "I miss being able to eat. But I don't really have time to get sick again right now."

"Come on," Bradley coaxed, wrapping his arm around your shoulders. "I outfitted the glovebox with some plastic bags just in case, but now I'm fucking worried about you being in Maryland without me."

You cried softly the whole way to the airport, but you tried to tell him you'd be okay. If you felt like this after every meal, you wouldn't be able to function until Friday night without him looking after you. It wasn't fair. He was already feeling pretty useless, but this just made him feel bad. Maybe he could figure out how to use his time wisely this week to help get things ready for the baby. 

As he parked at the curb in front of the airline departures door, Bradley realized Jake's car was in front of him. Cat was hugging Jeremiah while Jake unloaded her luggage, and Bradley leaned down toward your belly without delay. "Gotta make this quick, little nugget," he said, kissing you through your shirt. "Be good for Mommy, okay? I love you, and we'll talk again on Friday when you get home."

You ran your fingers through his hair, and Bradley wanted nothing more than to curl up on your lap with your attention on him for the rest of the afternoon, but that wasn't an option. Instead he kissed your cheek and whispered, "I'll get your stuff from the back."

But even stepping away from you for a minute while you cuddled Jeremiah so Cat and Jake could have a minute to themselves was a lot for him, and seeing you with a child in your arms now was making him feel very protective. Jeremiah smashed his little palms against your face, and you laughed and carried him closer to Bradley. "I think he wants to say hi to you, Roo," you whispered while Bradley ran his thumb along the child's soft cheek.

His body buzzed with excitement as he glanced down at your belly. "This is what I'm really excited for," he told you, and your eyes were so soft as you looked up at him. "The three of us are going to be amazing." He kissed your cheek. "Now hand Jeremiah back over so I can give you a proper goodbye."

Bradley gave Cat a little wave as Jeremiah climbed back into her arms, and he watched as you gave Jake a big hug and a kiss on the cheek. He whispered something in your ear, and you laughed, and Bradley honestly got a little jealous that the seconds were ticking away before you and the baby would be leaving him alone. Jake could just take a backseat right now. 

When you caught his eye, Bradley knew he must have looked annoyed, but it was just like when you and he left for your honeymoon all over again. "Baby Girl." His voice sounded a little stern, and you responded to his call like he was your magnetic north, practically flying back into his arms. 

Face tipped up to look at him, you said, "I'll miss you," but he didn't let you say anything else. His lips collided with yours as he held you close, hands drifting lower on your back until he was stroking the sides of your belly with his thumbs. 

He wanted to keep you at home and give you anything you needed as he tasted your tongue and your teeth. You moaned softly into his mouth and broke the kiss. Bradley cupped your perfect cheek in one hand and let his forehead come to rest against yours. "Promise me you'll try to eat little meals all day."

"I promise," you whispered breathlessly.

He nodded so that his nose bumped the side of yours. "I packed you peanut butter crackers and ginger candies and ginger tea bags and lollipops. Just try to take it easy, okay?"

"I will, Roo."

He closed his eyes and squeezed you a little tighter. "I really don't want the two of you to leave." Tears stung his eyes as he held onto you, and your fingers on his neck and in his hair calmed him down a little bit. 

"I'll text you nonstop, okay?" you whispered. "I'll let you know what's going on and how I'm feeling, and then we can talk each day when you leave work."

He nodded. "Just please, take care of yourself. I love you so much."

"I love you, Daddy."

He grunted but reluctantly released you, and you stroked your fingers along his cheek. Then you turned toward your luggage and the plastic bin while Jake held Jeremiah who was now in tears as Cat started to walk away. And when you reached for that heavy bin, Bradley almost shouted. 

"Sweetheart," he said as calmly as he could, reaching out to cover your hand with his. "It's heavy."

"I'll take one side," Cat said casually, and you looked up at Bradley with a little smile. 

"I can manage it with Cat," you promised, pecking him on the lips one last time before you lifted one end of the bin. Bradley watched nervously as you and she maneuvered through the door, listening to your voice as you told him you loved him and would miss him. 

"Damn it," he grunted, leaning back against the Bronco once you were out of sight.

"Angel will be back on Friday. Chill," Jake drawled next to him. "I've never seen someone so pussy whipped in my life, old man."

Bradley glared in response before he spoke. "You're literally holding your girlfriend's son. You wanna rethink that last part?"

Jake chuckled and kissed Jeremiah's forehead. "I never said I wasn't bad, I'm just saying that you are absolutely the worst. You'll be pouty all week at work while she's gone, and you'll eat cereal for dinner every night."

"No, I won't," Bradley pouted. "Are you taking care of Jeremiah all week?" he asked, trying to change the subject, but Jake's answer surprised him a bit.

"I'm sharing Jer duties with Uncle Hondo," he replied easily. "Gotta make this whole thing work out if I want to take things to the next level."

"Next level?"

Jake smirked and started walking back to his car. "You're not the only one who can mate for life, Rooster."

Bradley stood there for another beat while Jeremiah got buckled into his car seat. That's what he did alright; he mated for life, and now it hurt when you weren't with him. His deployments sucked, and this week was going to suck, too. But he didn't want to eat cereal and pout nonstop if he could help it. 

"You wanna come by one night? We can lift and take turns playing with Jeremiah and get a pizza or something?"

Jake studied his face and nodded. "Yeah. Thursday?"

"Sure," Bradley replied before climbing back into what was really your Bronco and starting the engine. Now he just had to keep himself entertained until Thursday evening. He turned on one of your playlists and drove home to Tramp and an otherwise empty house. 

"Take a walk?" he asked, reaching for the leash, and the dog went ballistic as he jumped up and down in front of the door. "Relax. You can't be like this when the baby gets here. You'll need to be well behaved all the time." Tramp slammed his rear end down on the welcome mat like he knew what he needed to do already. "That's better," Bradley told him as he clipped the leash onto his yellow collar and took him around the block and down to the beach. 

These walks were decidedly a lot more fun when you were here laughing and talking nonstop and dancing ahead of Bradley on the sidewalk. And now he was thinking about you pushing a stroller next to him while he had Tramp on the leash. Bradley stumbled as he imagined a baby with the cutest face looking up at him while you smiled and talked about the future. 

The reality that this exact scenario could be happening come springtime hit him in the chest and took his breath away. "Let's go," he told Tramp as his excitement mixed with the anxiety he felt nearly all the time now. Because one thing was absolutely certain: Bradley didn't know how to be a dad. You told him it would come naturally. You promised him you weren't lying about that. But if he could just remember a little bit about what it felt like to be a kid with two parents, he figured this feeling would go away. All the excitement in the world wasn't going to prepare him for what came next, and he didn't want to disappoint you or himself. 

It wasn't even dark out when he got back, but he did come up with two projects that would hopefully keep him busy for the evening while he tracked your flight to Annapolis. He didn't like thinking about his shortcomings, especially when you weren't home. He changed into some gym shorts and went upstairs into the rarely visited attic space and started looking around. Then he took some photos and some measurements, and then he started to rip up the ugly flooring while imagining how nice it could be as a bedroom for his kid. Or maybe your parents could stay up here when they visited. Maybe it was big enough to be two rooms.

When his phone vibrated in his pocket, he took it out immediately to see that you had texted him. 

Baby Girl Bradshaw: We landed. It's so late here, and I threw up in the bathroom near baggage claim, and I'm starving, and I'm horny, and I miss you.

He was fumbling with his phone, about to call you or text you back and remind you not to try to carry that heavy bin, but then you sent him a photo. He laughed as he looked at the bin stacked up along with your suitcase and Cat's luggage on a trolley. 

"That's my girl," he muttered, leaving the attic partially torn apart and heading downstairs as he wrote back to you. If you would just take care of yourself all week and come back home to him as soon as possible, he was sure he could figure out what he needed to do. Everything was easier and made more sense when you were together.

He made a bowl of cereal, annoyed that Jake had been right about that much, and he told you to call him once you were settled in your hotel room. Then he took out the pink and blue striped notebook that came with the Amazon shipment and flipped through the blank pages. He found one of your fancy markers in your nightstand, underneath some of the handwritten notes he'd given you and the album of wedding photos. 

Bradley sat down on your side of the bed and wrote Baby Bradshaw on the cover of the notebook before tossing the marker back in the drawer. He lounged back on your pillow and thought about what he wanted to write before picking up a pen and getting started. 

I guess I should start at the beginning. Hi, I'm your dad. I only just found out about you pretty recently, but I'm already excited to meet you. And it's kind of weird that right now, I hardly know anything about you, but by the time you're reading this for yourself, I hope I'll know a lot. I already love you.

When his phone rang with your specific ringtone, he answered right away, setting the notebook aside as soon as you said, "Hi, Roo."

"Hey, Sweetheart. Tell me about your flight."

-------------------------

He's going to be the best dad, and their child is going to be so loved. But those doubts are so real and can be scary. I hope BG makes it back unscathed. Thanks @mak-32 and @beyondthesefourwalls

PART 32

@hotch-meeeeeuppppp

@chassy21

@solacestyles

@daisyhollyxox

@wintercap89

@blog-name6996

@bcon24

@chaoticassidy

@avada-kedavra-bitch-187

@katiebby04

@marantha

@averyhotchner

@abaker74

@heli991113

@k-k0129

@noz4a2

@shanimallina87

@little-wiseone

@ccbb2222

@xoxabs88xox

@thedroneranger

@cherrycola27

@fanboyswhore9

@xomrsalliej4787xo

@desert-fern

@sylviebell

@wkndwlff

@horseslovers2016

@gennyanydots

@mattyskies

@hookslove1592

@blahehblah

@sadpetalsstuff

@local-spidey

@schoollover

@lex-winchester

@magicalmorg

@nicole01-23

@jessicab1991

@happyrebelruins

@samsgoddess

@ughthisisntright

@bellaireland1981

@sagittarius-flowerchild

@mygyn

[aletterinthenameofsanity]

Jim and Pete both know a thing or two about the power of creation. It was something they'd bonded over, in coded language and shared looks and the discovery of binders and razors and dirty jokes and ways to settle into their own skin. Even though their interactions had been gruff, sharp at the edges, they'd sunk into a strange sort of not-quite-friendship, an understanding that sometimes kept Jim going.

Jim isn't Lucius. They're not in love with Pete. They have Olu, and Archie, and Jim and Lucius are both open but their types are wildly different. Lucius once made eyes at Izzy while Jim has kissed Archie.

But there was some part of Jim that tried to cling to that feeling. Not of love, but of understanding. Of a faith in their power to create, not destroy. It's been so hard to remember over their past few months trapped in the hell that has been the Revenge, forced to kill, to watch Lucius waste away, taking what little happiness could be sought in Archie's blood-stained kisses. Jim has not created. Jim has barely survived.

But as Stede Bonnet's dinghy docks against the side of the Revenge, Jim remembers what creation felt like. 

Jim is more familiar with holes, with destruction, than creation.

They have wanted to believe that somewhere out there, Olu is alive and searching for the Revenge. That months and months of living in hell were worth it, because the sun would break through at the end.

They have doubted. They have faltered. But they have clung, in a way they never did to the religion of the nuns, to this impossible, necessary faith.

God will be struck down. The sun will arrive.

In a literal sense, it's true. The crew all emerged onto the deck after the storm to find the sun beating down on the deck after days of storms.

But more importantly, Jim's sun has returned. Their Oluwande is back, climbing up the ropes to the deck of the ship along with the rest of the crew, Pete included. 

In between the dinghy and the crew, Blackboard groans on the deck.

Alright, then.

So, God lives.

Jesus rises from the dead on the third day. Miraculous. Divine taken human form. The sinners clamber to his side and all that-

Fuck that.

They're sinners, they all know that. Killers and thieves and pirates, down to their bones.

But killing God was no sin. It was no act of pride. It was an act of survival. Now that the sea god has been incapacitated, stripped of his wrath, of his deadly touch, they can all breathe. They can all live.

Jim steps right over the half-dead corpse of the sea god and leaps for Olu. Their teeth bash together, their kiss awkward and harsh and desperate, but Jim's love is here, warming their chest, soft and hot and welcoming against the sharp blade that has become their very existence.

"I didn't think I'd see you again," Jim confesses their sin, their doubt, "I thought you were dead."

But Olu, their sweet Oluwande, doesn't falter, his smile brighter than the sun, the greatest blessing that Jim has had in months, in their whole life, probably. "Glad I could prove you wrong."

"I am never leaving you again, you hear me?" Jim's promise is a vicious, honest one. "They can bash my head in again and I'll crawl after you, killing any and every man I have to get back to you."

Despite the venom in Jim's words, the absolutely raw honesty in their voice, Olu doesn't falter. Doesn't even blink. "And I'll find you, across everything," Olu promises in return, just as honest, just as tender as Jim's blades.

Across from Jim, Lucius is still wobbly. They trimmed his beard last night and let him bathe in the captain's quarters, fed him dried ginseng and crushed clover, mint and horseradish, all in a warm broth with pieces of softened jerky that was supposed to start clearing out his lungs and filling his stomach, but one night of proper care and food does not clear out months' worth of illness and starvation. Lucius is going to need actual medical care on land, just as much as Izzy, to make a full recovery from the drowning and the trunk.

But right now, he is blinking into the sky for the first time in months. The sun's rays on the water are harsh enough to blind him after months kept in the dark, but he drinks them in anyway, seeking that paradise that was denied him, because there , sunlight glinting off of his shined skull, comes Black Pete, who makes the journey straight to Lucius himself.

Blackboard was a vengeful God, a demanding kraken, a figure of myth and monsters.

The man in front of Lucius is a dream, but is no myth. He is blessedly, physically human, fragile and tough and prone to giggling during sex and so hot and so blessedly alive.

Lucius is trembling. He is not recovered enough to run across the deck, no matter how much he might want to. He is nauseous and light-headed and-

And he cannot look away. He cannot bear to break eye contact with the man in front of him, the thought-made-flesh that kept him going for so long trapped beneath the deck.

"Babe!" Black Pete shouts and crashes into Lucius. They slam to the deck together, and Lucius' back is going to ache so badly later but he can't bring himself to care about future pain when past and current pain have become such an integral part of his life and this pain, at least, means Pete is alive, Lucius' own miracle, and for that, Lucius will bear any agony.

"I'm sorry," Lucius says, mouth almost pressed to Pete's. He can smell the dirt and sweat and sea water on Pete, and once would have found that a turn-off, but he's gotten so used to associating it with his crewmates, his saviors, over the past few months that all he can feel is deep, aching relief. "I lost my finger."

"I can whittle you a new one, love," Pete swears, and Lucius kisses him again, pulls him in tight, clutches on with everything he has. He knows the nails on his good hand and his wooden finger are digging into Pete's back, but if he lets go he's going to fall and he can't bear to drown ever again.

Pete doesn't grimace. He doesn't even flinch. He just pulls Lucius in even tighter, as if he, too, cannot bear to let Lucius leave him, can barely believe that he is holding his living lover, and Lucius was a ghost for so long, but he can never feel dead when he is being held so painfully tight.

The clouds parted on the fortieth day. The ship sailed on, at peace-

And then Saint Izzy Hands raises his pistol to Stede Bonnet, crouching over the body of the kraken. Izzy is leaning against Frenchie's side , the crew not having had a chance to whittle him a new leg just yet. He is a mess, sacrifices carved from his physical body, and yet he stands taller than Blackbeard or Stede Bonnet ever could.

"You can bring him back, if you dare," Izzy says, the avenging angel, "But you can't save him."

"I don't need to save him," Stede says, and there's something angelic in that, too, the faith in god even after god has wrong every human he has touched. "I just need to be there for him."

Izzy gestures to the brig with his pistol and spits over the railing into the ocean. "Take him down there. Do whatever you want. Try to bring him back from the dead. Keep him this side of the afterlife. Blackbeard will never be a god again."

"God?" the Swede asks, brow furrowing, and maybe no one who did not live on this ship, this hell on earth, will not understand what happened here, this cult to the kraken that was created, but as long as Olu and Pete don't question it too harshly, things will work out.

Blackbeard is not a god, anymore. If he survives, he is a man. Edward Teach will emerge, or nothing will survive at all, because if Blackbeard tries to return, someone on this crew- whether it be Jim, or Izzy, or Archie, or Frenchie, or Fang, or even Lucius- will make sure that this time around, the death takes.

Now that they have risen out of purgatory, out of the circles of hell, out of the storm, they can begin to recover. They can become people. They can find some way to turn this ship from hell into a home.

[highathanamothafucka]

Hey hey. I’m gay gay. And we’re coming live to ya, tonite at 6:24 special. ( I lied. Itz actually 7:24, 24/7)

Imma tell y’all, i got top surgereh consult on decemba eighth. this is what ive been been waiting for, for forever. gettin top surgery is the thing ive wanted, literally from the day I learned i was gonna get boobs. course, i didnt realize that was a thing, i just knew that i did not want boobs, no matter what. i even had night mares about waking up one day with a huge pair of boobs. in those night mares, i felt so disgusted, horrified, and embarrassed that i just kinda decided to hide forever. I couldnt stand the thought of people seein me like that. when the nightmares became real, about 2 years later, when i was 10, i was in complete denial. I was just pretendin it wasnt happenin, so thats what i did. i didnt let them grow. i just said “chest im not gonna let you go on. You need to stop and just get rid of that bit you gave me.” And that did it! It stopped my boobs from growing! yeah, it didnt. but i sure as hell told myself it did. when my mom told me we need to go shopping for training bras, i pretend we didnt. We didnt go to walmart, we didnt look look at training bras, she didn’t go into the fitting room with me and see my chest while i tried them on. We didnt take some training bras up front and buy them. And we didnt go home with them and put them in my room. none of that happened, or so i said. but denial doesn’t work like that. it doesnt make happen, whatever you think should happen. what it does is convince you that what is actually happening, isnt actually happening. so i didnt wear those dumb training bras that summer. i felt gross, and subconsciously knew i should have been wearing them. but i didnt wear them, because i couldnt admit that what was happening was real.

once 5th grade started, i started wearing the training bras. i didnt have enough denial to overcome the embarrassment of my peers seeing me with out a bra. and it felt more uncomfortable than anything has ever felt for me before. but it made those horrid growing boobs seem smaller, by rounding them out, instead of them being a bit pokier.

And there wasn’t anything else I could have done. I continued wear bras, because as long as I got the right bras, the ones that lightly compressed or just kinda loosely held them so they moved around less instead of the ones that push up or have underwire, then it made them smaller than without one. I was so embarrassed that i would even wear them to bed so no one saw me with out a bra on underneath my shirt. I’d usually take in off once i was alone in my room, in my bed, in the dark. and every day, right after my mom woke me up, that was the first thing i put on. eventually, i stopped wearing them to bed. the discomfort i felt from wearing bras was too much.

when i learned what binders are, i did try wearing them. unfortunately, with my asthma, i could barely wear them. it sadly made it too hard for me to breathe. despite that, over the years i still tried a bunch of different binders. ive bought at least 25 different binders in only 2 years.

but back when I learned what binders were, i learned about being trans. thats when i knew, deep down, that something was wrong. despite that, it took me many more years to actually figure out that im trans. 

but to make a long story short, i figured things out, and now I’ve got my consult in only 4 days. Its what ive always wanted. And before i know it, it will have happened. And I can’t fucking wait!

[well-its-not-human-anymore]

TMNT Headcanons

Ah shit, I'm at it again because this is my only current hobby

Y'all I can and will take requests on these if you want me to, I'm just doing these to give my brain the happy juice .

That being said, here you have it:

the boys realizing that you care and actually want to be their friend

Raphael

You wouldn't admit that you'd stalked him to the roof

Absolutely not, you wouldn't stoop that low

at least not that you'd tell him

From the looks of it he was pissed, Raph got a certain face that you eventually picked up as his 'my brothers were being dicks and now I'm not gonna have emotions but I'm gonna be angry about it' face

His shoulders would get all hunched and you could hear his dejected sighing from about seven miles away

So you opted to clamber to the rooftop, gear and all and drop into a crouch next to the temperamental terrapin

"you look like someone lit your favorite book on fire and forced you to eat cauliflower, what gives?"

"well hello to you too huh?"

"I'll take that as a yes then, you get in another fight with what's his name?"

He refused to look at you, letting out an angry huff

"somethin' like that"

You only let him sit in silence for another minute or so before opening your mouth again

"well you being pissed doesn't help me any. There's a gang meeting just up the street, drugs and illegal shit. Wanna tag along?"

Raph had the decency to look appalled. You were offering to hang out with him? Willingly?

Error 404: system has stopped working, plz try again later

He doesn't look at you now, not that he can see your face through the mask, a light blush creeps up his neck

"yeah. Yeah I'd like that. Lets go shorty."

"you got it princess"

Leonardo

He wasn't expecting you to care

The last fight you two had before he had to leave hadn't been resolved yet

But after his slip up during patrol he needed someplace to go so he wouldn't take his anger out on his family

And that's how he showed on your balcony at whatever ungodly hour of the morning

You'd barely pulled the window open before you saw his expression, you couldn't help but sigh

"leo what the actual fuck?"

"I'm really sorry about this, I just didn't know where else to go"

You really didn't want to feel bad but you did, and your feet were really fucking cold

"get your ass in here. You're letting the cold air in."

He settled easily on your couch, seemingly awkward and avoiding any eye contact with you.

You returned to the room with a bathrobe on, an extra pillow and an armful of blankets

"you can crash here for the night, im off tomorrow but don't wake me up before nine or I will stab you. Let me know if you need anything, I'm just down the hall. And we'll talk everything over in the morning, okay?"

He nodded with a sigh of relief

"thank you y/n. And I'm sorry"

You just shook your head with a smile

"I don't even remember what we were arguing about leo. And you hanging here isnt a big deal. I need friends anyway."

Your voice carried through the apartment as you retreated to your own room, letting him settle in

"now go the fuck to sleep, dumbass"

Michaelangelo

Mikey had no idea why you wanted to see him

Especially not with the urgency in your text

Technically speaking he wasn't even supposed to be out right now and he tried to ignore that as he sprinted further away from the lair

He was out of breath by the time he reached your window, the sun nearly gone and the street lights flickering to life

The turtle knocked twice on your window before coming in and yelling for you

"you good angelcakes?! Where're you at?"

There was a startling amount of crashing from your storage room, causing him to jolt slightly when you exploded out of the room with a huge smile on your face

"good you're here, sorry I used the emergency line but I knew you started patrol soon and I didn't want to forget to give you this"

And then you pulled out a tiny binder that reminded him of a scrapbook, however that definitely wasn't what it was because when he opened it multiple organized, clipped magazine recipes stared back at him

Mikey was confused™

At his expression you seemed to explode with a bubble of excitement you didn't know you were capable of

"I remember you telling me that you liked cooking but sucked ass at organizing so when I accidentally ended up getting bored this week I made that for you so you wouldn't have to organize it."

Definitely shorting out his brain

"dude I love it, don't get me wrong here, it's amazing. But uh- why?"

You raised an eyebrow at him, now also confused™

"oh uh- I figured you're kinda risking your ass coming out of your way to visit me so I thought I'd do something to thank you and that was the first thing that came to mind."

The boy is touched and has mentally vowed to die for you, you are too precious for this world

Donatello

Donnie never seemed to understand how you managed to read him in such a short time of knowing him

You swore it was all the reading, spending your childhood analyzing characters because you had no friends made you quite the people reader

So the second the turtle showed up to read with you that night your book became an afterthought

"you're upset. Does someone need to go into permanent night night?"

he'd literally been there for nine seconds and you were already calling him out

"uh no? I'm fine"

You rolled your eyes and resisted a great urge to clonk yourself on the head with your book

"okay that's a fucking lie. Dude you didn't even say 'whats up stranger' when you got here and you expect me to believe you're just fine? Yeah right. Did something happen? Do you need to talk about it?"

The poor guy didn't even get the chance to open his mouth

"say I'm fine one more time and Im adding the moon to my list of favorite planets"

He didn't know what he was expecting you to say but it definitely wasn't that and now he was fighting the urge to laugh

"are you really making fun of my planet knowledge right now? Not very cool of you man. I know at least 2 constellations. There's ursa major and ursa not as major right over-"

"you mean ursa minor?"

"THE MOON IS MY FAVORITE PLANET"

It might've started as a normal chuckle but in under half a minute it had dissolved into that ridiculously adorable snorting laugh he did that usually left him breathless, you laughed along with him, hanging your head and giggling as you did so

"thanks"

You shook your head, slightly dizzy from laughing so hard

"don't mention it. I don't like seeing you upset. Besides, you love it when I get all astrological, right?"

"uhhhhh..."

"this is the part where you lie to spare my feelings Donnie."

"yep. Love the astrological stuff. The best." *Plz insert awkward thumbs up here*

[ificanthaveu]

Don’t Tell The RA || Shawn Mendes

Description: RA!Shawn asks for your help with studying for your final exam, but an RA should always expect the unexpected. 

A/N: Happy 1st day of my semi-not-really-ficmas! I’m positive I’ve used every winter/Christmas themed fic idea, but I scrounged together a few so here’s the first of the installment. These’ll probably all be pretty short (except for 1 probably bc i have a lot of ideas for it). Also.....if this gif doesn’t look like RA!Shawn trying to get his freshmen boys to stfu so they can start and end the hall meeting ASAP.

Word Count: 2.4k

You were the first person out of the room when your History professor dismissed you, meeting your awaiting roommate Micah across the hall. The two of you started walking back to your dorm without much of a word until she launched into how difficult her calculus exam is going to be.

“At least it’s related to your major. I’m about to fail a gen-ed,” you said as you rolled your eyes. “I’ve never liked History, and this is a literal nightmare.”

“Hey, only one more test, and we’re done,” she reminded you.

Before you could respond to her, you heard your name being yelled from behind you. The both of you stopped and turned around to see Shawn maneuvering his way in and out of people, his tall stature poking out from the rest as you smiled at him.

“Have you started studying for the final yet?” He asked as he fell into step with you and Micah, making your way out of the building.

You practically snorted with a head shake before you said, “Absolutely not. I’ve been so caught up in my biology classes that I’ve barely started looking at this. It’s not looking good for me.”

“We get it. You’re pre-med,” Micah mumbled before you elbowed her.

“Yeah, I don’t think I’ve cracked open the textbook since the first week,” he said.

“Oh, you opened yours? Mine’s still in the plastic wrap,” you said as proud as you could.

That earned a laugh from Shawn as he shook his head at you.

“You may be worse off than I am,” he said.

He paused for a moment, looking between you and where he had to turn to go to the freshman dorms, opposite campus from the junior ones.

“Would you wanna study tonight?” He asked.

You heard Micah choke on her breath as you prayed he didn’t hear it.

“Yeah, I definitely need it,” you replied.

“Can’t do it in our room,” Micah interjected quickly. “Josie is coming over for calc.”

“We can study at mine,” he said. “If that’s ok with you of course. We just might get interrupted by check-out questions.”

“Sounds just fine with me. I could never do what you do,” you said, looking up at him as he shrugged and looked away, the blush almost evident on his cheeks.

“Well, my room and board is paid for, so I’ll deal with throwing up freshmen in the bathroom at 2 am,” he said. “Does 7 work?”

“Sounds perfect,” you said as you turned to go towards your dorm. “See you then.”

Micah followed behind you as you began to cross campus, waiting until you were clearly out of earshot of Shawn.

“You really had to say we couldn’t do it in our dorm?” You asked as you gripped onto her wrist and she laughed. “Now I have to be extra alone with him.”

“That’s the point,” she said flatly. “Don’t act like you haven’t been staring at him all semester. That man is the total package.”

“And we’re studying together, nothing else,” you quickly pointed out.

“Well it may start that way but-“ you cut her off before she could finish.

“Don’t say something that won’t come true,” you said as you swiped into the building and walked up the stairs to your dorm.

“You wish it will though,” she said in a sing-song voice as you unlocked your door and pushed her in.

“So what are you wearing?” She asked as she whipped open your closet.

“I’m not changing,” you said.

Micah turned around and looked up and down at your sweatpants and sweatshirt with a look of disgust.

“Can you at least put leggings on and a clean sweatshirt? Maybe put your hair in a pony-tail instead of that bun that looks like it was slept in - scratch that - a bun that was slept in,” she said as she threw you a pair of black leggings and a school crewneck.

“This is ridiculous,” you mumbled as you changed.

“You’ll thank me later,” she called after you.

It had started snowing by the time 6:45 came around, and you began your trip across campus. You were regretting not wearing a jacket as you shivered and crossed your arms tightly around your chest.

The person at the front desk smiled at you as you made your way up to Shawn’s dorm, scanning the rooms for the one that said “Residential Assistant” on the front.

You knocked twice once you found it, rocking back and forth on your feet and trying to shake the cold. You glanced around at the winter-themed decorations around the hall before Shawn swung the door open.

“Hey,” he said brightly with that big smile that made you weak. “You look freezing.”

“I am,” you said as he welcomed you in. “Big mistake not wearing a coat.”

You scanned over his room quickly as he shut the door behind the two of you. He had white Christmas lights strung along his window, making for a beautiful reflection mixed with the snow. His overhead light was off, but the lamp beside his futon was on. It was surprisingly clean, but you attributed that to him never knowing when someone was going to need to talk to him.

Two mugs were situated on his desk in the corner of the room. He crossed the room and grabbed one and handed it to you.

“It’s mint tea,” he said. “Helps with studying.”

“Ah, of course,” you said, taking the mug and sitting on his, surprisingly comfortable, futon.

“And a blanket,” he said as he pulled it from the back of the couch. “Since you look like you might have hypothermia.”

“Thank you,” you said softly as you wrapped it tightly around your shoulders.

You pulled out your book and binder, flipping to the study guide that was handed out in class.

“Ok, where do you want to start?” You asked as Shawn pulled his slightly crumpled study guide from where it was tucked in his book.

“Well, I know nothing,” he said as he scanned over the paper. “Actually, I know one.”

“Which one?”

“The one he told us the answer for today.”

“That does not count.”

The two of you determined an order to study from as you kept his open textbook balancing on both of your knees, occasionally having to lean closer to the other to take a look at a passage.

Shawn skimmed the page, pointing at a passage and trying to explain it to you as you looked at him. You couldn’t hear a word he said as you watched how into the topic he got, using his hands to try to express his point. You sent the butterflies to the bottom of your stomach by taking a giant sip of the tea and moving onto the next question.

He asked you the next one, taking the textbook from you as you leaned an arm on the back of the futon. You glanced between him and the mini Christmas tree in the corner as you tried to explain it as best you can without the book as a crutch.

You looked back at him, his head cocked to the side and an interested look on his face. A few curls fell onto his forehead as he studied you. You tried to keep talking as his gaze was unwavering.

“Sounds right to me,” he said, his face dangerously close to yours as he also leaned his arm on the back.

“I honestly wouldn’t know,” you whispered. “Were you even looking at the book to make sure I was right?” You teased.

“I had something else I had to look at,” he said at the same volume.

You felt him lean in as you did the same. You could feel his breath fan over your lips as your hand rested on his knee.

Three solid knocks sent you flying away from each other.

Shawn cursed under his break as he stood up and swung the door open quickly.

“What?” He said to the kid in front of him, who was significantly shorter than Shawn.

“Kevin knocked over the-“ he paused as he saw you watching from across the room. “Oh, sorry, Shawn, I didn’t realize you had a girl over.”

You choked on your sip of tea as Shawn shoved the kid out the door and slammed the door behind him.

You pulled yourself together as you could hear Shawn’s muffled voice through the paper-thin walls.

“Why the fuck would you say that with her right there?” He said.

“I didn’t know! I would’ve gotten the RA on duty if I knew you were on a date,” the kid yelled back.

You could hear Shawn huff and could imagine him tugging at his hair.

“It’s nothing, Cade. It’s literally nothing at all,” Shawn said quickly. Your stomach dropped.

“It didn’t look like nothing,” the kid - Cade - teased back.

“Just tell me what’s going on, so I can study, which is the only thing we were doing,” he trailed off as you could hear the two of them walking down the hall.

You tried not to let yourself get too disappointed as you half packed up some of your stuff, not wanting to overstay your welcome if he didn’t see anything here. You felt yourself begin to overthink, wondering what would’ve happened if he kissed you. If he just wanted something quick before break, a finale to your semester together in class.

You waited patiently, your chin resting on your knees as you tried to look at the study guide with no luck.

The door swung open once again as Shawn came back. He shut the door behind him, running his hands through his hair as he looked over at you, noticing nothing but your study guide sitting out. He felt his stomach drop but didn’t say anything.

“Ok, where were we?” He said as he sat down again, dangerously close as his thigh grazed across yours.

Your breath hitched as he looked over at the study guide in your lap, looking at your one newly highlighted point.

You looked up at him as he asked you a question on the point. It was obvious he was looking at your lips.

You tried to answer the question and steady your shaky voice, but he leaned closer. Before his lips had the chance to press against yours, you rested your hand against his chest.

“Shawn…” you trailed off. “I can’t.”

“I’m so sorry,” he quickly said. “I didn’t - I thought - I’m sorry, I thought there was…” he trailed off as he tried to motion between the two of you as he leaned back.

“I just,” you paused as you let out a breath. “I really don’t want to be a one-night thing before you go back home.”

“Why would you think that?” He asked, an upset look clearly on his face.

“It’s nothing. It’s literally nothing at all,” you quoted him as you played with the edge of the study guide.

He looked at you confused as you looked down at the page, trying to distract yourself.

“Why would you say that? I don’t think this is just nothing,” he said.

“Shawn, these walls are paper-thin,” you snapped as you looked up at him. “I heard you telling the kid that this was nothing, and I don’t want nothing. So I’m stopping it here.”

He rubbed his forehead softly as you tucked your study guide into your binder, opening your backpack to put it away.

“I’m not going to tell one of my residents that he just interrupted something,” Shawn said quickly. “They’re my residents. I’m not about to tell them about my love life. I didn’t know you’d hear that. I swear I don’t think this is just nothing. I just don’t want them to know that stuff about me. There’s no reason to. I’m so sorry if it came off as any other way.”

You watched him continue to get flustered as he stayed relatively close to you, his hand almost hitting your shoulder as he spoke.

“I’ve been crazy about you since the beginning of the semester. I don’t just want to kiss you and forget,” he explained, leaning close to you again.

“Really?” You asked softly.

He smiled back at you, his hand almost resting against your shoulder as he draped it against the back of the futon.

“Really,” he replied.

This time when he leaned in, you let him kiss you. His hand enveloped the side of your face as you rested your hands gently on his chest. He tugged on your hip, and you followed his lead as you climbed onto his lap, smiling into the kiss as his hands stayed planted on your hips, gripping into your sides.

You pulled back before pecking his lips once more, leaning your forehead against his so you could see his big smile.

You glanced outside to see the snow getting worse as you let out a sigh.

“I should get going,” you whispered.

“But it’s a blizzard out there,” he mumbled as he pressed a kiss to your cheek. “And you don’t have a coat.” Another kiss at the corner of your lips. “Just stay,” he whispered as his lips met yours again.

“I don’t want to get us in trouble,” you whisper back.

“I know the RA. Don’t worry about it. I can pull some strings if he finds out,” he said with a cocky smile as you rolled your eyes, leaning in again.

“Won’t the residents know?” You mumbled against his lips.

“Let ‘em talk,” he said as his hand rubbed up your side, sending shivers across your body. “I won’t see them for over a month anyway.”

“Well, as long as the RA doesn’t find out, I think maybe I can stay,” you whispered as Shawn flipped you over so your back pressed against the futon and he hovered above you.  

“I’ll make sure he never finds out.”

LIKE! REBLOG! COMMENT! SEND ME LOVE!!!

Taglist (send me an ASK to be added, crossed out if tag doesn’t work):

@avaastra @pupsandducks​ @all-i-want-is2b-loved-by-you​ @5-seconds-of-mendes​ @imsuperawkward​ @futuremrspcy​ @mariamuses​ @turtoix​ @fallinallincurls​ @c25905 @under-a-canyon-moon​ @havethetimeeofyourlifee​ @nervousmendes​ @feliciaceciliamariajacobsson​ @haute-shawn @mendesficsxbombay​ @shawnsreputation​ @sarcasticallywitty15​

[yarbz]

cowardly game of rival — n.jaemin ( f )

synopsis!

 ━ as the girl’s football team captain, you were used to the endless derogatory taunts, the wolf-whistling, the attempts at romance being boys telling you what they thought of barcelona’s starting XII. na jaemin fell into all those catergories, a detestable flea in your hair. as sworn enemies, there was not even an inkling of romance, and you were convinced that your attraction to him was ONLY physical. weren’t you?

pairing ━ na jaemin x female!reader

word count ━ 6k

genres ━ fluff, rival!au, football!au, comedy, romance, very little of the football game is described in detail.

warnings ━ profanity, football terms, dirty jokes, y/n and jaemin are literally just cowards

( author's note! )

this one came to mind when i thought of how i love female footballers and decided that jaemin would be the idiot in question to chicken out of confessing to their crush by being an ass instead. i really hope you like it !! other notes are sissoko is the name of like three different players and a cracker is slang for a really good goal.

Football.

A sport of creatively insane wits, fancy footwork and incoherent celebrations. Those were all the things you loved about it, along with the ridiculously cute uniform.

It provided you an escape from the man's world, a chance to carve out your own story, free from the shackles of stereotypes. At least, that's what you'd initially thought.

Unfortunately, the boy's football team made it their sole objective in life to demean you. As captain, you took on the strenuous task of refusing to resort to physical violence when a stupid comment about your short length was made or when boys assumed you couldn't tell your Sissoko's apart (you could, quite well actually).

You had taken it as a sign of war, and refused to comment on their pathetic sneers. You did, however, feel as if Na Jaemin made a blood pact or something to be a parasite towards you.

He stood at the cusp of six foot, towering over you like an evergreen beanstalk, cheshire-cat like smile taunting you. Chocolate colour tresses fell over his eyes in straight lines, shielding his forehead.

It's not like you paid attention to his visage, but even you had to admit in your spite that he was attractive. And horribly so.

Today started like every other, going to your locker before heading to your homeroom. Luckily, you'd managed to get there before the freshmen started to pile in. Being a senior had its positives along with its various faults, one of them being the early access you got to the school.

You jammed your key in the lock, flinging open the locker door, making quick work of exchanging your books. In your fast-paced stupor, you didn't notice the figure leaning behind the door. You slammed the door shut, nail catching an patch of skin, scraping it.

"If you wanted me to leave, you could've been less catty." The voice wheedled, throwing a withering glare in your direction. You rolled your eyes, annoyed, arms crossed across your chest.

"Jaemin." You sighed, rubbing your temples. "Why are you hiding behind my locker? Are you looking for a death wish?"

He sat up slowly, soothing his reddening nose, suddenly regaining his smile as he leaned closer towards your face. "If I was looking for a death wish, I'd eat whatever food you just stuffed in there."

"Fuck off. Don't see you making any gourmet meals."

"I'm the gourmet meal." He slithered, breath fanning your nose. From this distance, you could see the wonder swimming within his eyes, breath caught in your throat.

Damn, he was too fine.

You tore your gaze from his eyes, "And yet, I don't feel inclined to taste it." He jumped back in surprise, eyes widening, giving you an opening to dash. Chuffed that you left him speechless, you walked towards your next class, resisting the urge to turn back to revel in his awe-struck face.

Jaemin's eyebrow quirked in curiosity, crooked smirk hanging from his lips. He watched you stalk away, cursing underneath his breath softly. You carried a fiery aura around you, burning him with every snarky remark — even though it beat him bruised ghastly lavenders, he could bear to play with fire if it meant you would pay him attention.

You see, Jaemin did not hate you as per say. The 'hate' which you believed in was merely his inability to profess his affections towards you. For lack of a better word, he was a coward.

A dashingly handsome one, but a fragile, chicken-legged coward all the same.

You'd made it to class in record time, ego bared boldly on your shoulders, attracting the curious eyes of your best friends Yangyang and Donghyuck. Both were terrorists in their own right, but you couldn't help loving them all the same. Sure, they came as a dreadful pair, but love had decided to shackle your heart to them.

"What's got you so happy? Jaemin finally drop dead?" Yangyang joked, shifting to make space for you. Headband strapped to the pinnacle of his forehead, he grinned at you from beneath the base of stretchy ebony material.

"No..not yet." You hummed, sad lilt to your tone.

"Awh, didn't kill him yet?" Donghyuck teased, nudging Yangyang in their laughter. "I think it must be love stopping you from committing the crime yourself." You shoved both, peals of laughter tickling your throat at their whines of pain.

"If you don't shut up, I'll be killing you two instead, never mind Jaemin." You snapped. "Love is what I feel when I score a cracker from the halfway line. Seeing Jaemin makes me want to jump out of the nearest window."

"Are you sure it's not just unresolved sexual tension? I, too get antsy when I haven't jacked off—"

"Finish that sentence and you'll have no arms."

"I'm flexible enough to suck myself off." Yangyang mused, "You'll never stop my libido."

"You're disgusting." You and Donghyuck said in sync, swatting his grabby hands from flying at your shoulders. Quite frankly, you didn't want to hear about his freakishly boneless limbs, or his untameable sex drive, nor hear anything about his genitals at all.

"Does that count as self—"

"Yes, it does. Please don't be telling people that I'm your friend, or that you can do that. It's not a little icebreaker."

Friendship with these two had crossed all sorts of personal boundaries you didn't know existed, and it was starting to decompose you, like a rotting piece of cabbage infested by slugs, yet still hanging on for the glimpse of sunlight to regenerate.

Okay, so you were being dramatic. But, that didn't explain their dire need to over share certain aspects of their lives with you.

"Doesn't change the topic at hand —Did you get my pun?" He asked, looking for Donghyuck's reaction.

"I did. Not going to comment on it before she breaks my arms. Just know I enjoyed it very much."

"If I wanted to mess around with Jaemin, I'd put my hand in a beehive. It'd sting less." You snarled, slamming down your books. They winced comically, faces alert as the teacher walked into the class.

Apart from football, you enjoyed learning — how to make things, break things, self defense, people skills, and education fell not too far from that. Classes like biology interested you greatly, which is why you found yourself fully immersed in the process of respiration.

Your mind drifted for a second, thinking back to what he'd said. Was it actually sexual tension? Did you actually bare an emotion other than loathing towards him? Then, you thought of that face and how you'd want to do nothing more than break his pretty little nose—

Yeah. There it was. You were normal after all.

School had come to her daily dreadful end, and you were happily striding into the ladies' changing rooms for football training. Nobody had gotten here yet, luckily.

You glanced over into the full body mirror, tugging at your shorts until they fell just above the bump of your knee, pulling your sock midway at your calf. Lean abs shone underneath the dim light, and you proudly paraded around the room, happy to be alone.

A knock on the door came, and you swung the door open with a feverish excitement. "Who is it?"

"Didn't take me as a bra kinda girl. Was thinking more spandex or a binder." Jaemin seethed, hands on hips, azure jersey hanging off his lithe frame.

"You're insufferable. Why are you here?" You groaned, choosing to ignore his taunt at your breast size. His eyes crinkled into upside down crescents, wandering lower to the dip of your frilly black bra.

"To see my favourite girl, of course." He whistled, eyes still glued to your unmarked expanse of skin. "I think those need a new owner." He pointed towards your chest.

"Preferably one whose face I can stand to look at."

"I'm roaring with laughter." You snarked, voice dripping with sarcasm, making no attempt to cover yourself up. Jaemin was still staring, face flushed a flaming cerise. "You gonna keep staring or are you gonna leave me alone?"

"I'm not staring. Why are you staring at me?" He shot defensively. Your eyes narrowed at him, watching his cheeks darken with every lingering stare.

"You're in the girl's changing room, drooling over two lumps of fat on the body of a girl that you hate. The real inquisition here is your lack of sensibility to stop thirsting after anything with a vagina."

Jaemin stayed silent, eyes boring holes into your full lips, tongue instinctively darting out to wet his own nimble, chapped ones. Rolling your eyes, you lead him to the door, hand clasped against the door handle.

Then, you heard loud footsteps approaching the room, incoherent rambling increasing in clarity. You began to conjure up a plan, wondering how on Earth you'd be able to kick Jaemin out without the girls knowing.

With the shouts of the team gradually getting closer, you panicked, chucking Jaemin into a locker.

"Fine, I'll leave! Lemme out!" He squirmed, trying to come out of the metal confines.

"You can't leave now, they're literally outside. Do you want to be stomped to death by Nike Mercurials?" You hissed, closing the door over, much to his protests.

"Don't wanna die with the last image being your breasts."

"If you survive this, I'll gladly provide you a new image."

He shut up at that, and you straightened, reaching for your jersey in a false calmness. The girls burst in, squeals of various greetings being thrown across the room.

You smiled gently at them, encouraging them to get changed, joining in to laugh at their jokes. The topic kept shifting from manicures to new boots before finally settling on Na Jaemin.

"Cap'n, what's going on with you and Jaemin?" One of the girls asked, batting her eyelashes softly. "A boy on the football team told me that you guys are dating."

Dating..that devil? A sin punishable by death! You repelled all instinct to shudder in disgust, instead choosing to maintain a neutral expression.

"I am absolutely not dating Na Jaemin. He's a despicable little mongrel and I'd rather eat my shoe—"

"Mon bébé chérie, why do you curse me like this?" Jaemin squeezed from the locker, voice like a wounded puppy.

"Did you hear that? I think it was—"

"No! It's my Jaemin impression. Isn't it so good?" You spluttered, voice rising in volume. You were sure that your face was a painful beetroot, breathing crazily as you over-exerted yourself.

"Cap'n, it was so good I almost thought Jaemin was in here with us!" She gushed, hands clasped. "You guys would be so cute together. Even if you don't like him, I think he most definitely has feelings for you."

The rest of the girls joined in at this, shouts of 'you should take a chance!' resounding in the hollow room. You'd already ruled out that as a possibility, chalking it down to his uncontrollable thirst for being a pest. Na Jaemin was your rival, the utter bane of your existence, a rodent that fed on robbing your spirits dry of any positivity.

"He'll get a chance when pigs fly." You muttered, noticing their eyes staring at you inquisitively, as if they knew something you didn't. Awkwardly, you smiled at the girls, ushering them towards the door, scanning the hallway after the last one had skipped out.

Jaemin untangled himself from the locker, straightening his limbs, pulling at his calves in a stretch. You peered over your shoulder, frown deepening at him.

"Did you mean what you said?" Jaemin breathed, walking into your personal bubble. He was way too close. His breath tickled your forehead, eyes dark with something you couldn't decipher.

He felt his heart pound against his chest, resisting the urge to pick the stray hair in your eye to the side. You were looking at him with a confused expression, nose scrunched, eyebrows furrowed. You were going to be the death of him. Devastated, he broke eye contact, feeling all forms of fight seep from his bones.

"You don't like me." You whispered, wincing at the wobble in your voice. "Everyone's just saying that....right?"

"What do you want me to say?"

"No. I want you to say no."

"I can't do that."

"Well, you have to say no. I don't want to hear the rest of your sentence — keep us as just this." You softly yelled, pointing between the pair of you. "Don't change anything."

"Okay. I'll leave, but only because you want me to. But, before I go..you've gotta start being more observant." He sighed, ruffling your hair before making his way out.

"I’m plenty observant. Wouldn’t be a good player if I wasn’t.”

"I’ll see it when I believe it. Oh, and the thing you said about pigs flying..”

“What about it?”

“Renjun’s working on it.”

You laughed heartily, locking the door behind you. So, Jaemin did in fact think of you as his Aphrodite — all those nicknames were genuinely created out of affections. 'Mon bébé chérie' held a lot more emotional weight than it did twenty minutes ago, and you had to breathe before your eyes prickled with saltine tears.

Fresh air hit you like a loaded delivery truck, Mother Nature delicately wiping the tears from your eyes, shaking you with a cold flourish, roaring your cheeks to life. The team had already started their warm-up drills, as opposed to the boys' football team who were cooling down from their jog.

You ran over, tightening your ponytail, shifting into 'Captain' mode. The coach pushed you into the circle, encouraging you to take the reins. "Team, we've been doing nothing but straight work. Let's make this session count before the match tomorrow." You shouted, feeling that familiar rush of adrenaline.

The team chanted back, settling into their positions for the first drill — a penalty shoot out. You stepped to the ball, striding back to gain a better angle, socks hugging your knees.

Giving yourself a five second countdown, you charged at the ball, foot pointed, kicking it with a passion that rivalled Lionel Messi. It rolled in the back of the net, flying past Hyejoo, who could barely even process it.

"Still got those fire feet, I see, Cap'n!"

"Lady Luck gave them to me for a reason." You boasted, smugness slapped all over your face.

From the corner of your eye, Jaemin snickered, winking at you when you turned to make eye contact. At least he had the audacity to keep up appearances in front of everyone, even if you had probably made everything awkward.

"My granny could kick better than that, babes!" He boomed from across the pitch, teasing smirk on his lips.

"Your granny lives in a retirement home and still calls on you 'Nana Banana'..it's not very nice to lie." You retorted, eyes narrowed, nearing his hunched form.

"Doesn't mean she can't kick your ass. Granny was a little Aguero back in the day."

"She can't if I'm the Manè, can she?"

"But I'm a Modric. I'll beat your ass, any day, any time." He grinned, leaning in to you. "In any way you want."

You heard blood pumping in your ears, your cheeks filling with immense heat. He grabbed your cheeks softly, grinning even wider when you flushed even warmer, a human sauna. Pushing a lock out of your eyes, he searched your eyes for any sense of rage, face softening at your lack of that emotion.

"Any..way..I want?" You mouthed silently, innuendo catching your attention again as you mulled over the words. "Na Jaemin, you're a dirty boy."

"I think you're the dirty girl." He hummed, saying the next sentence in an octave that made your head spin, quietly enough that only the two of you could hear. "Sauntering around in your little Victoria's Secret bra, cozying up to me without even batting an eyelash or covering up."

"These boobs are mine. I'm allowed to show them to anyone I want."

"So you admit to showing them to me? You admit that you were trying to put on a show for me?" He pressed, purposely craning his neck over you.

"I was trying to change. If you didn't come into the room like a little pervert, you'd never have gotten a visual of these."

"And yet I know how they look now. There's nothing that can erase that image."

"Fuck you, Na Jaemin."

"I think you meant to say fuck me, but I'll allow the slip-up just because I'm so nice." You squirmed under his predatory gaze, heat in your cheeks akin to a fever. "Better get back to training, Cap. Your team's got a match tomorrow."

You hissed at him weakly, choosing to walk away from his provocation, going back to the team, who were all smiling at you with a glint in their eye. By the looks on their faces, they'd definitely taken that exchange as a form of flirting.

Not that you were disputing it, of course.

The coach rounded the girls up, calling them to grab bibs. You relaxed, running over to take the last bib once you'd calmed down. Na Jaemin was a little toe-sucking, filthy mongrel who only knew how to charm his way out of everything — totally not your ideal type or anything.

His penance for being blunt coupled with that honeyed voice was what was throwing you off. Not your physical attraction to him. At least, you hoped so.

The shrill shriek of the whistle behind you shook you out of your mind, bringing your attention back to the practice game. With every shot at the goal, you could see Jaemin taunting you, making kissy faces.

After the first half, you weren't sure if it was real or if you were hallucinating — almost like a mirage, he was wearing that stupid little smirk and there was nothing more you wanted than to slap those lips clean off his face.

Soon enough, you clocked that it wasn't just an illusion, as he'd shifted to the opposite end of the pitch, the other boys from the football team watching from the stands.

They'd started jeering at every pass, exaggerating their reactions, commentary toeing the border of sexual harassment. You volleyed the ball on your foot, battering it into the stands, grinning widely as it hit one of the boys in the face, leaving his nose lopsided.

"If you're gonna be a sexist piece of shit, just fuck off. My team doesn't deserve to hear your brain-dead commentary, nor see your fuck face." You smiled, bite in your voice. "Kindly take the opinion that nobody asked for and shove it up your ass."

Jaemin's eyes twinkled with respect, breath caught in his throat at the dark look in your eyes. He felt his chest warm in adoration, heart doubling in size. "You heard the lady."

"Includes you too, Jaemin. Better get home before Granny Na starts missing her little boy."

"Yes, ma'am."

"Fuck off." You said playfully, recovering the ball. He waved you bye, lugging his bag over his shoulder, fixing the collar of his jersey. A beam touched your lips, face lighting up.

Jaemin smirked back at you, taking his leave. He dragged the remnants away with him, leaving the girl's football team alone in the cooling dwindle of Autumn light.

"Nice shorts." A tug.

"Oh? Na Jaemin complimenting me?" You mused in surprise, arms folded across your chest.

"You didn't let me finish." Jaemin whispered, standing on the sidelines of the pitch, pulling at the hem of your shorts. "Ooh, I can see your stubble. Better bring out the razor."

Your jaw tightened, feeling that rush of annoyance fill your veins again. The nerve.

"More stubble than you'll ever grow on that chin."

"At least I'm not a human Sasquatch."

"I've got hair in the right places—" You started, catching the innuendo, glaring at Jaemin's raised eyebrows. "—I know what I meant. Don't be such a dirty boy."

"Say it again. Love the way it rolls off your tongue."

You gaped at him, whole body blowing a fuse, skin reddening at his tone. Sweltering heat danced atop each fingertip, each muscle, making you jolt. His gaze was still glued to your face, relishing the quickly dilating pupils in your eyes.

"I—"

"—Would rather have you speechless after our first time, not for your championship final. When you win, I'll buy you fucking adorable ice cream with the little star sprinkles that you like."

"Going to ignore you on that first statement, but the second one sounds like a motive."

"Win the match, and I'll ask you out. Properly."

You saw his eyes flash with something passionate, flakes of gooey molasses swirling behind the irises. Before you opened your mouth to reply to him, he pleaded silently for you to just take it as it was. "Gimme a chance. Who knows you better than your enemy? Nobody."

"I mean..."

"Only you know that my grandma calls me those corny names or that I see her all the time."

"Or that you lose every game that's not football because you're too lazy to pay attention." You added.

"And I know that you broke a guy's jaw because he was bothering Yangyang." He continued. "And I also know that you know one thing I've never told anyone."

"Ooh, what's that?"

"That I like you."

You looked away from him sheepishly, goosebumps popping up on your skin, and whether it was from the cold or from his words, you didn't know. He was looking down at you tenderly, ruffling your bed of hair, pressing a small, wet kiss to your forehead as the whistle blew.

"Don't play with fire, Na."

"You're more like a carpet burn."

You sighed, defeated. "Fine. I'll give you an answer when we win. If you're playing me, I'll break your arms."

"Okay. Go get 'em, Lady Luck." He smiled, waving you off as you scurried onto the pitch, face glowing under the fluorescent lights. Jaemin felt his chest tighten with pride, jaw aching from all the strenuous smiling.

With that absurdly contented face, you reminded him of a cross between a kid at a carnival and a man about to kill another. Your hair gathered wildly atop your head, a wicked glare painting your face.

This was you at peace, he deduced. Even with the gruesome of expressions, you looked calm. The pitch was truly your home away from home.

Two minutes into the second half saw you being carried off on a stretcher with a torn hamstring. You'd fallen to the grass, no sounds coming from your limp body. Jaemin swore he felt his heart plunge into his ass, and with a frantic flourish, he was coddling your head into his chest.

"Luck, don't die on me. I'm supposed to take you out for ice cream after this, and I stole Renjun's Baskin Robbins loyalty card to cut costs so if we don't go, I'll be getting beat up without having kissed your stupid face." He babbled, slapping your cheeks, scared that you'd genuinely lost your life.

You groaned, rolling slowly in the elastic. "Stop touching my face, I'll get acne." Mildly concussed, you soothed your throbbing headache, registering Jaemin's face looming over you. "Jaemin?"

"Oh, thank God. Thought I'd never see that unruly sparkle in your eyes again."

"Fuck off. My hamstring feels like a fried chicken mukbang and you're talking about my eyes."

"I can't cry before our first date. You'll think I'm a wimp."

"Already think that."

He hit your arm lightly, beaming at your focus on his face, meeting your eyes. You were glaring at him with a kissable pout on your lips, eyebrows furrowed — he wanted to pepper your face in balmy kisses.

The paramedic pushed him away, leading you to the ambulance. You flipped him off, yelling loudly as they wheeled you in, "Make sure you win! Won't forgive you if you don't."

The girl's football team had gathered around the door, all tight-lipped smiles and crumpled faces. They visibly brightened at your declaration, huddling together to recalibrate — the ref blew her whistle to call them back, summoning them back into position.

Yangyang and Donghyuck left the stands, rushing into the ambulance alongside you, closing the door behind them. Jaemin could faintly hear your loud curses, and sighed in relief, knowing that you'd be fine.

With two goals up, the team were at optimum working speed, playing loyally for your honour. Jaemin stood at the sidelines, holding your jacket in his hands as he recorded the match on his phone, wanting to send it to you later.

At 90 minutes, the girl's team had become the winner of the Division One Seoul Inter-district championship, and Jaemin was content. Not because it meant you'd go on that date with him, but because he could feel how much it meant to them.

Everyone around him was cheering madly, chanting and spraying assorted drinks in each other's faces, an infectious joy lingering in his veins. Amongst all the commotion, he'd somehow been pushed into the middle of the team, feeling their gazes boring into his frame.

"You like Cap'n, right?" The brunette said, eyes bright.

"No. I don't like her. She's my rival." Jaemin lied pathetically, trying to escape their judgement.

"Why were you in the locker room then?"

"Damn. How do you know that?"

"Cap'n is horrible at lying, so she's always upfront. She also cannot do an impression so she never attempts it."

"Wow, you guys sure know your stuff. Bet she's glad to have a team like you. I know I'm feeling a little jealous."

"Cut the smooth talk. If you like Cap'n, just be straightforward. She's more innocent than she seems, and can get her heart broken easily."

"Got it." He nodded, "Well...ladies, I have to thank you for the advice."

"No problem, but if you break her heart.." They chorused, "We'll break that pretty little nose." Fifteen studded feet swung at his face, narrowly skimming the bridge of his nose.

He flinched, caught off guard, grin bared. "Now, I definitely got that message. I'll be going to check up on her, what do you want me to say?"

"We've already called her and shown her the trophy, so we have nothing left to say, you, however...take all the time you need."

"Since I have your blessing, am I allowed to—"

"Don't finish that sentence. Keep in your lane."

Jaemin promptly closed his mouth, and bid them a goodbye, dashing into his car towards the hospital, stopping at Baskin Robbins to buy the ice cream he promised. He hoped you’d at least be able to eat the sprinkles (the ones you liked were expensive, and if you didn’t eat them, he’d just wasted an extra 2,500 won.)

In the hospital, you were now dressed in a medical gown, surrounded by the two idiots. It smelt like an experiment lab, and the spotless shades of ivory splashed on the walls made you feel a tad bit overwhelmed.

Your leg had already undergone the MRSI scan, and the nurses had told you that you’d definitely tore your hamstring, but surgery would fix it right up along with natural healing.

Of course, all those details lacked in comparison to your team finally winning the trophy you’d worked so hard towards — that excitement numbed the pain considerably.

“We thought you’d somehow died.” Yangyang confessed, grasping your hands in his clammy ones.

“You did.” Donghyuck sneered, pointing at him, continuing when he saw your face change in confusion. “Yang was convinced that you were invincible like Superman or something. He started blubbering about how you could definitely defeat the grim reaper in close contact and that should be enough to steal back your soul or whatever—”

“I’m just never going to ask questions again.”

“Jaemin was on the verge of a breakdown when he saw you fall. Never have I ever seen him run so fast towards a girl.” Donghyuck said, hand on chin in mock thought.

You blushed, remembering your promise about the ice cream and falling back into the bed in distress.

“What’s going on with you? I saw you two all friendly at the sidelines.” Yangyang murmured, eyes squinting in judgement. “Don’t tell me...you guys fucked before the game?”

Suddenly it was too hot in the room. You fanned yourself to cool down, slapping your own cheeks before pulling Yangyang’s ears. “Yeah, because I have the guts to just have my first time in a school setting.” You deadpanned.

“Naughty girl.” Both boys swooned, unable to note your sarcasm.

“Just because my leg is gone doesn’t mean I can’t harm you anymore. I’ll break your kneecaps.”

In the midst of your fight with your best friends, you spotted Jaemin opening the door, wearing that greasy smirk that made butterflies tickle your throat.

“I see a broken leg isn’t enough to stop you, is it?” Jaemin drawled from the door, hands behind his back. “Still threatening people?”

“It’s not threatening if they deserve it.” You mumbled, suddenly shy. Jaemin maintained his distance from you, arm outstretched, ice cream tub in hand. He was looking away from you, faint blush tinting his cheeks, lips squeezed in a puffy ‘o’.

“Not that I remembered or anything, but you did say something about liking these sprinkles.” He said, eyes darting around to focus on anything but you.

“I do...like these sprinkles..how did you know?”

“Everyone calls you star, and you’re cute. It’s your personality in an edible sugar shape.”

You rolled your eyes at his words, forgetting both Donghyuck and Yangyang were seated in the room. It felt like the two of you were just stuck in your own world, glaring at each other like a pair of lovers.

Unfortunately, that moment was cut short by your ungracious best friends, cooing annoyingly. They were squealing like little girls, incomprehensible screams of ‘our girl’s grown up!’ scraping your eardrums.

“Leave me alone!” You whined, face scrunched in discomfort, making futile attempts to push them away. “Jaemin...please get these two off me.”

“Asking your boyfriend to get rid of us? Already?” Yangyang hollered, one of Jaemin’s arms stopping him from jumping on you again.

“He’s not my boyfriend. As of now, he’s the only sensible one who isn’t mauling the girl with a broken leg, and that’s why I’m asking him for help.”

“Should I throw them out?”

“Yes —actually, do whatever. Let them go terrorise someone that isn’t me.”

“Your wish is my command.”

On that, Jaemin escorted both boys outside, shutting the door on them, cutting off the beginning to their long-winded rant with a smile. That left the two of you alone.

Oddly enough, the silence wasn’t stifling but rather a conversation of the mind — you were able to see what he wanted to say by looking into those mocha coloured eyes. You threw the ice cream tub in the bin, reaching for Jaemin’s hands shyly.

He’d sat down beside you on the bed, just staring at you like you were an abstract painting, a mosaic of a splendid array, unable to take his eyes off you. He took your hand warmly, running his fingers over your calloused knuckles, sharing his heat with you.

“Jaemin.” You yawned, head falling onto his shoulder. “I’m saying yes to your date. If I didn’t get injured, you could’ve taken me out today, I’m sorry.”

“Don’t say sorry. Being with you is enough for me, even if I do want to comment on your horrible tackles during the match.” Jaemin teased, grabbing your hand a little tighter.

“Haha...I’m dying of laughter.”

“Hey! None of that here.”

“Sorry. I’m just happy. My team won our first championship, which we’ve been trying to do for three years, and I feel on top of the world. All those years of boys being absolute dickheads to us about our abilities, trying to put us down have amounted to this moment. I’m at peace right now.”

“Don’t apologise. I should be sorry instead. It was easier to talk to you if I pretended I hated you. I shouldn’t have been like that.”

“I accept your apology. But..I think it was cute you couldn’t tell me you liked me! That’s so endearing.”

“Fuck off.”

“That’s my line! Well, you were always attractive to me, even when you were being a dickhead. Now that I think about it, you’re at your hottest when you’re being mean.”

“Is that so?” Jaemin mused, rolling onto his hands, dangling over you, lips eerily close to your own. “Do you want me to treat you mean, keep you keen?”

“Firstly, don’t ever say that again.” You stopped him, hand placed on his chest to push him away lightly. “Secondly, I’ve never had a boyfriend or my first kiss. That means no experience.” You slurred that last part, rushing the words so he wouldn’t be able to hear.

“Cap’n, you’re telling me that I’ll be your first?”

“Not if you don’t ask me out.”

Jaemin sat back beside you, looking up to the ceiling. This was the moment. He took a deep breath, standing up before you, hands rubbing his stomach softly to calm down.

“I wanted to do a real dramatic confession, but I rushed over here in fear that you wouldn’t be able to hit me again, so I’ll have to stick with my speech.” He cheesed, trying to ease himself of his nerves. You laughed, hissing in mock anger when he wore that stupid grin. “I like you. Like a lot. Sometimes, I come to school with a dirty scowl on my face, but then I see your face and start smiling like a love struck fool. You’re someone that I wouldn’t want to lose.”

“Jaemin, you little mongrel. Come here.” You waved him over, arms outstretched in a hug. “Even though I know your ego won’t let you ask me out properly, I would love to be your girlfriend. However, if my heart is broken..I’ll be stoning your car.”

“Thought you were gonna say that you’d break my face.”

“That too.”

He snuggled closer into you, peering up at you with shining eyes, not wanting to move too much to keep you comfortable. You grinned back at him, placing a soft kiss on his head, running a hand through his hair.

That familiar silence returned, and that’s how you fell asleep with Na Jaemin enveloped in your chest. Although you’d broken a leg, Lady Luck seemed to have twiddled her fingers to send you a ‘get well soon’ present, the ever cunning Na Jaemin.

Five months later had you no longer hobbling around on crutches like a hobbit, but walking proud and tall. Jaemin drove you to school (using the excuse of carpooling) and helped you take your books to first period everyday — the alpha male in him winced seeing you attempt any ‘heavy lifting’, and he’d made it a routine.

“Can you fuck off? I can carry this.” You complained, pinching his side. “Just because I see a physio biweekly doesn’t mean I’m about as able-bodied as a monkey.”

“Got the hair to be a monkey.” He snorted.

“Look who’s talking, Mr.Sasquatch. Bigger feet than his prints, you little scoundrel.”

“Big feet means big—”

“Don’t finish that if you wanna keep the body part in question.”

“—heart. Dirty girl.”

You felt the honey pooling in your stomach, kissing his cheek in haste to escape his relentless teasing. He shut up at that, pulling you back to kiss you properly, attracting the attention of everyone in the hallway.

“Get to class.” He announced as he parted from you, enjoying your petulant face. You hit him softly, flipping him off from behind you, blowing him a kiss.

Ah, Na Jaemin. You still hated him. Just a little less this time.

[phantaloon-books]

Alright I got a couple comments asking for a continuation so here's part 2 of neil finding out the feds were onto smth when they recommended witness protection program

part 1

(Also thank you so much, I genuinely didn't expect such a good reception, everything I write is purely self indulgent)

Andrew is gonna fucking lose it. It's been over three weeks and not a single word from Neil fucking Josten. He's never hated him more, and this time he means it when he says hate. Actually he's not sure he hates himself or Neil more, but he feels hatred and rage and that's what matters. But of course the rabbit just left. Once a rabbit, always a rabbit.

He wanted so desperately to believe that, that Neil chose to run, that he chose to leave him them and keep running because that's what he knows best. Even if believing Neil chose to leave hurts him more than he'll ever admit, it's the best thing to believe. It's best to believe that Neil left than to believe something happened. It's best to believe Neil grew tired and bored of him them than to listen to the worry and dread Andrew's been feeling for months. It's best to believe Neil didn't want him than to let himself think of worst case scenarios.

But he can't make himself think that Neil left willingly and because he wanted to (and not it's not because he wants to believe that Neil wouldn't leave him). Neil would never run without his things, not without his stupid binder and money and contacts, not without clothes or any resources. If he ran away he would do it properly. He wouldn't leave with running clothes and his stupid flip phone. And most importantly Andrew knows that Neil has been restless lately. He's seen the way Neil checks every corner or every place, observes the people, looks for threats. He'd left those habits behind, so something has to have happened. Neil didn't just leave him.

The best thing is the other foxes aren't convinced Neil would run either. He had no one to run from, and he had a family now. And even if he was feeling overwhelmed or anxious, he would have come back. He wouldn't have taken three weeks. So they know, they know, Neil didn't leave because he wanted or needed to. And they're all anxious as hell about that bc if he didn't leave where is he?

They narrow it down eventually, and conclude that he got in a fight and is dead in a ditch somewhere, he had an accident in a coma in a hospital somewhere, he somehow got lost and/or lost his memory, someone killed him accidentally or not and his body is buried somewhere far away, or he's been taken. And Andrew cannot take the stress that he doesn't know where the fuck Neil is any longer.

He almost killed Kevin and several federal agents when Neil went missing for a few hours. This time, he hasn't tried to kill anyone yet but that hasn't stopped him from tearing every dorm apart and the stadium and the police station and the hospital and getting in fights with the FBI. He's desperate enough that he called Browning, hell, he's desperate enough that he contacted the Moriyamas, which wasn't a pleasant experience, but Ichirou had promised Neil protection and this definitely called for mafia intervention. So far neither the FBI or the Moriyamas had helped - yes they had, they informed him regularly that they were looking for Neil, but they had nothing, no clues no trails, and Andrew couldn't believe their incompetence, like for fucks sake the Moriyamas were yakuza, they ought to know what could have happened to one of their most valuable assets. And anyway if he ran, and wasn't taken, they for sure would be behind him, looking to kill him of course, but they still couldn't find him.

Andrew hasn't tried to kill anyone yet but he will soon if he doesn't find Neil, and he's sure he will start with himself. He can't remember the last time he slept or ate well, or went to exy practice, but he doesn't care. He can't care until he knows something. The lack of knowledge is driving him crazy. At this point knowing that Neil is dead and has been rotting in the countryside of Poland would be better than not knowing anything.

He hates this so much. He hates Neil for disappearing. He hates whoever went and got him. He hates the Moriyamas for not being able to find him and not keeping him safe in the first place. He hates himself for becoming so attached. He should have known better. He knew better. He knew it was a bad idea to feel all the things he feels for Neil, especially because it's Neil, the unpredictable rabbit. But he fell for the fake hope that they would make it, that he wouldn't be hurt again, that Neil would stay. He knew letting someone in again could kill him. He knows that if they don't find him, it will. He can't keep going like this. He was stupid enough to feel hopeful, but he won't be able to live once the hope dies.

He's laying in Neil's bed. He knows it's pathetic, but frankly he doesn't care. Everyday is worse than the last one. He's slipping and when he falls it's game over, he's going to make sure of that. If Neil genuinely cared, he'd be pissed at Andrew for even thinking about this. No he'd be upset, but not pissed, about the fact that he's considering taking his life over this. But he opened the door to feelings, and he won't be able to cope with them and he won't be able to close that door again. He's giving up.

Faint buzzing interrumps his thoughts. Someone's calling him. He couldn't stomach the runaway song that matched with Neil's but he couldn't stomach changing it either, so he leaves in on vibrate now. He looks at his screen. It's an unknown number. Most likely the FBI or the Moriyamas or a random police station ready to take him out of his misery and just tell him they found Neil's body. The code says it's from Minnesota. He considers not answering, but he might as well get over it.

He flips the phone open, "I only care about this if you are from the FBI or the literal mafia, so if you aren't from either, feel free to hang up." The other line stays silent for a few seconds, but when he looks at his phone, it's still going. The person didn't hang up. He doesn't have the patience for this. "I'm just gonna hang up then-"

"Andrew, wait." It's barely a hesitant whisper. The voice is absolutely shattered, rough and hoarse and very painful-sounding. There's wheezing too and labored breaths. But god. No matter how wrecked he sounds, he'd recognize that voice anywhere. In half a second he's up and falling from the bed in his haste, alert at last. He can't believe it. He wants to but he doesn't want to believe the call is real.

"Neil? Neil is that you?" He hates how vulnerable he sounds, but the thought dies quickly. There's no way, no way this is real. A sob breaks through the line, and oh it sounds so full of pain and fear.

"Andrew, I-I need you to stay safe. I don't know if they're coming for you, for the foxes. I need you to find a place where you're safe. Call Browning or Ich- the little Lord and make sure they can protect you guys for a while."

Okay that's definitely Neil even if he didn't answer the question. And Andrew's heart is going a thousand miles an hour, he doesn't feel his body anymore.

"Neil where are you? I'm coming to get you, I'll call Browning but where are you?"

"'Drew," another sob, and this one manages to break Andrew's walls more than than the whispered 'Drew', "promise me you'll stay safe, don't come looking for me, you can't take them down, please don't come looking for me."

The exhaustion and terror in his voice doesn't sit well with Andrew. The Neil he knows is not this. "For fucks sake Neil just tell me where in Minnesota you are, I'm coming to get you."

"No- no you're not, I'm not calling you because I want you to come. I just need you to promise you'll be safe."

"Neil who took you? Where are you? I can send the FBI or the japanese shits over, I swear to god I can send them to come get you if you just tell me where you are and who took you. I'll - I'll try my best to keep the others safe, but who took you?"

"I'm sorry, Andrew, I- I didn't mean to, please believe I didn't mean to leave, they- some of the Butcher's pals found me, I'm so sorry- I put all of you in danger again."

"Okay, that's something we can work with, now where are you Neil?"

"Andrew-" his breath hitches, he gasps and whimpers, "I'm so sorry, I have to go, I need to leave Andrew. Please stay safe. Look I- I love you okay? I'm sorry I didn't say it earlier."

"Neil wait don't hang up-"

And the line goes dead.

The world is falling apart, collapsing all around Andrew. He's numb but he feels encompassing terror. He can't feel a thing, he can't think. He was so close. It feels like Neil just slipped past his fingers, like he just let go of Neil and let him fall to the darkness. He thinks he may be falling too. He needs to call Browning. He does it instinctively, he doesn't register he has his phone to his ear until the FBI agents voice is calling to him. He also goes with what he's gonna say with the same instinct he pulled in Baltimore, knowing he can't mention certain mafia.

"Neil just called me, I have no idea from where, I have no idea how he got a hold of me, he didn't say a thing, he refused to say a thing other than we're in danger, the foxes, and that whoever took him will come for us- oh and apparently it's someone involved with the Butcher."

How he managed to be as apathetic and unattached to everything he said is beyond him. But whatever he says and whatever Browning says, FBI agents are now guarding them in the locker room of the Foxhole Court, with mattresses and mats laid down on the floor. and he doesn't know how they got here and he's cuffed all over again, but this time to Renee even if he doesn't remember being violent. Even the stupid rookies are here, looking extremely panicked and terrified despite most of them not giving a fuck that Neil was gone just hours ago. The other foxes - Neil's family - are pressing Andrew for answers, but he can't deal with anything at the moment.

He needs to call Ichirou too. That's the call that matters, because that's the call that can bring Neil home because he can't do that himself while cuffed to Renee and being guarded by the fucking FBI. He somehow convinces the agent to let him make a call, to his therapist he says, to grant him privacy even if that's utter bullshit. He's dragging Renee into the eye of the storm but oh well, why did they cuff him to her in the first place, it's not his fault. He calls the Moriyama representative he's been dealing with and thank Renee's god the woman answers.

"I need to talk to- to Lord Ichirou, it's about Neil Josten's whereabouts, I got important information about him." He can feel both the condescension from the other end of the line and poorly veiled shock from Renee. "I know where he is, I know about who's got him, I need to talk to Lord Moriyama."

He isn't sure how he managed it. He doesn't know how he convinced them to let them talk to their mafia boss, or how he's able to keep his cool for long enough to actually talk to the man himself. He thinks having Renee there, who asks no questions and keeps her hand on top of Andrew's with no hesitation, is part of the solution but he's not admitting that. Either or, he talks to Ichirou (he can't deny he's not terrified of messing up with the man who keeps Neil alive, but he's not admitting that either), reminds him of how Neil is important to the Moriyamas, both as an exy player and as a Wesninski, and how Neil, Kevin and Jean are loyal to the Moriyamas, hints at how Ichirou promised protection. He has perfect memory, but he will never remember how he convinced Ichirou Moriyama to send people to Minnesota and look for him all over the state and surrounding states, all he knows is that Ichirou stuck to his promise, all is good, he didn't fuck up.

Weeks pass again, nothing happens. There's no news from the Moriyamas, the FBI keeps telling him they're doing what they can. Andrew is done. No one came looking for them at least, which is nice bc they didn't die but it doesn't feel worth it when Neil wasn't back. He feels stupid for hoping he would come back safe and alive. The Moriyamas might as well have killed him for being such an inconvenience. Things are going to hell. Andrew was an idiot for falling so hard for Neil Josten. It was a mistake. He should have known better.

His anger is gone, and numbness has settled. It was becoming a habit for him to remain lying down most of the day. It was also becoming a habit for the foxes to take care of him when he did this. He can't even bother to shower if someone doesn't remind him every day, or eat, or drink water for that matter. He's a mess and he would be incredibly embarrassed if he cared a little, but he's slipping and he doesn't mind falling. Nothing is fine. Until it is.

It comes in the form of a text one morning, while he's lying on the couch in the living room. An unknown number again, New York code, and it only reads, "Threat has been dealt with - I". And what the fuck does that mean. It tells him absolutely nothing. If Ichirou bothered to text him he could at least be clear as to what the fuck that meant. Was Neil even alive? There is a soft knock at the door. Of course, someone bothers him when no other fox is at the dorm. They couldn't ditch every class to make sure Andrew didn't combust spontaneously.

He truly doesn't want to get up. He doesn't want to go answer the door. It's too much a bother. If it's someone important they'll either knock again aor shout for him to open up. He curls up in bed. He honestly wants to disappear. There's another knock, a little harder than the first. But there's no voice, no demand, no nothing. Maybe it's a Moriyama. Maybe he'll feel so disrespected or whatever he's gonna barge in and end his misery. Whatever. "Fuck off", he shouts from the couch, hoping for the best. There's another knock, for fuck's sake, can they just walk in already? Another, and he's up. Pissed and going for the door.

"Fucking hell, what do you want?" His anger is back with a passion, and he's practically stomping to the door, throwing it wide open, "Just barge through the fucking door, and get it over with-"

He has to stop exploding when people don't answer to him right away. Maybe he should work on his patience. Because frankly it has been working against him at the worst times. No it's not his fault. It's the idiot's fault for appearing at out nowhere and stealing his breath away. Everything is Neil Josten's fault.

"Hey Drew," said idiot's voice is impossibly more hoarse than when he called him before. Andrew can't tell if his heart is beating too fast or not at all. He thought he was a mess, but Neil looks like he's been through hell and back. Well, he's been through hell and back too many times before, but he's never looked this bad, and he was a mess after Evermore. His face is beaten so badly, so swollen, if he didn't know him and those stupidly blue eyes so well. Even his eyes are different, there's no spark, they're dull and hazy. He's wearing a large hoodie and sweatpants, so Andrew can't see the damage beyon his face, but at least his hands remain okay, there's no new damage. "Looks like I still have it in me to leave you speechless, huh."

Andrew takes a deep breath and he sighs. And his heart breaks. Neil. Neil. Neil is here. Andrew wants to craddle him and hold him and never let him go again. He doesn't care if it's soft, Neil is here. He raises his hands, frames Neil's face like he has before. He presses a hand to Neil's neck, looking for a pulse, and he finds it. He's alive.

"Neil," he breathes, and he feels. He feels. "You're alive, I thought, you-"

They're both silent. Andrew doesn't notice when Neil raises his hands, framing his own face. They've been here before.

"I'm not leaving you, I promised right? You're not getting rid of me that easily. "

He hates feeling this much, "You've got some explaining to do, but- it can wait."

"That's good yeah, because I'm not sure how much longer I can remain conscious and the Moriyamas weren't the best at patching everything up, so I'd really appreciate it if you call Abby."

He doesn't trust himself to open his mouth, so he guides Neil inside, holding on to his hand like a tether. Neil deflates, he grimaces as Andrew helps him to the couch. He's obviously hiding something below the clothes. Andrew stands to call Abby, but Neil grips his hand tightly. When Andrew looks up, he sees the fear and exhaustion he heard on the call weeks ago. Neil isn't able to keep up the act of being okay for long.

"Stay, pl- just," he looks away, and Andrew doesn't know how to feel about the pause, he didn't say the word, "can you stay?"

And he does. Things aren't fine. Neil is a mess. So is Andrew. They have to work through stuff. Andrew clearly has to work on the apparent dependancy issues. But they'll have time now. Neil is safe. He's alive and safe. He lost consciousness not long after he sat down, but Abby, Wymack and the foxes are on their way. They're not fine. But Neil is lying next to him, and he isn't gonna let him go again. They'll be fine.

[sophsicle]

Chapter 26

The friendship of Lily Evans and Mary Macdonald began under a bed. Lily’s bed, to be exact. See, she’d been having a bad day. It was first year and everything was just…a little…much. She missed her mum and dad, back then she even missed Petunia, and Severus was there but he wasn’t there-there. He was in Slytherin. After the sorting Lily had briefly considered begging the hat to put her in Slytherin too. Especially after being placed in the same house as Black and Potter. There hadn’t been any posh kids at her old school but they were about as obnoxious and self-obsessed as she had expected. And Potter was so gaga for Gryffindor that she was certain it would be filled with people just like him.

In the end, however, Lily had not had the guts to ask anything of the sorting hat, so she had remained in Gryffindor. And mostly that had been okay—posh bespectacled prats aside. Her roommates were nice, her classes were fun, and she did rather like not living in a dungeon. But she was also…lonely. And out of place. And uncomfortable. There were so many things that the kids around her—even if they weren’t Purebloods—seemed to know, and it felt impossible trying to keep up with it all. Severus did his best to help her along but she could tell that he was sometimes a little bit embarrassed by her. That was the worst feeling honestly.

One afternoon, at the end of September, for no reason in particular, it had all just felt too much. So she’d crawled under her bed, trying to make the world smaller. Easier to manage. About fifteen minutes into her pity party Mary had walked in. Lily watched her feet, listened to the David Bowie song she hummed under her breath. Her and Mary had barely exchanged more than a few sentences but she was secretly Lily’s favourite roommate, if only because she was the one who reminded Lily the most of home. The posters she hung on the walls were all of people Lily recognized and they didn’t move or talk, plus, sometimes she would complain about things that Lily could relate to—like missing ballpoint pens and three-ringed binders.

She’s not sure, to this day, what compelled her to speak then. Surely the smart thing to do would have been to remain silent and hope that her new roommate wouldn’t notice her having a complete and utter mental breakdown. But being quiet had never been Lily’s strong suit.

“Do you have records?” she wondered out loud.

“Ah!” Mary shouted, her feet stumbling back into her bed. “Jesus Christ, Lily? Is that you?”

“It’s just that I’ve never seen you play any but you hum them all the time,” she said in lieu of an answer.

“Where the hell are you?” Mary demanded.

“At home I have a bunch of records but my mum wouldn’t let me bring them, she didn’t know how safe it would be here and she was worried they’d get stolen, not that Wizards are dying for Muggle music but, of course, she didn’t know that. Still doesn’t know, I suppose—“

“Lily,” Mary said harshly. “Did you get turned invisible or something?”

“What? Oh,” Lily blinked. “No, I’m not invisible.”

“Then why the hell can I hear you prattling on but there’s not a single freckle in my line of vision?”

Lily scowled up at the bottom of her bed. “I don’t have that many freckles.”

“Uh-huh and the Giant Squid doesn’t have that many legs.”

“Did you just—“

“Where are you?” she was beginning to sound genuinely exasperated, but to be honest, Lily quite liked being a disembodied voice. It was freeing

“I’m under here,” she said eventually, and with great reluctance.

“Under—oh honestly,” some shuffling later Mary was kneeling on the floor and peering at Lily under the bed.

What the hell are you doing, is what Lily expected her to say. If it had been Petunia “freak” might even have been thrown in there somewhere. But the thing about Mary—the beautiful, fantastic, brilliant thing about Mary—was that she never did what you were expecting.

“I see,” is what she actually said, before sliding under the bed to lie right alongside Lily. “What’s happened then? You and your boyfriend have a fight?”

“Boyfriend?” Lily repeated confused, and then; “Oh—OH—no. Sev isn’t—we aren’t—we’re just friends.” Though her face blushed so furiously it burned.

Mary turned her head to look at Lily, brow arched. “Really? Then you two might want to stop making googly-eyes at one another all the time.”

“We don’t do that!” Lily said almost desperately.

“You do.”

“Don’t.”

“Do.”

“Don’t.”

“Do.”

“Don’t infinity.”

Mary rolled her eyes. “Whatever. So if that’s not why you’re under here, what is?”

Lily chewed on her lip, looking back up at the bottom of her bed. “I just think…I don’t know…that someone made a mistake.”

“Probably, but you’ll have to be more specific.”

At eleven Mary’s dry sense of humour was largely lost on Lily. Mary would later credit her wit to her childhood obsession with Monty Python.

“I just don’t think I’m supposed to be a witch.”

Lily didn’t have to turn her head to know that Mary was staring at her. “What do you mean “supposed to be” ? You ARE a witch?”

Lily let out a frustrated noise. “But I’m not really though, am I? I’m a Muggle.”

“That is literally not true.”

“Yes, but I know Muggle things and I like Muggle things and I don’t know anything about Wizards really. People like Marlene or Alice or, God, even James bloody Potter, those people are meant to be Wizards and Witches. It’s in their blood. It comes to them so naturally. None of this is natural to me.”

Mary continued to stare at her for long enough that Lily started to squirm. She had rather been hoping that out of everyone Mary would understand.

“Did you know that the Gryffindor Quidditch team is almost always Half-Bloods and Purebloods?” the other girl said suddenly.

Lily blinked, adjusting to this change in topic. “I—no, no I didn’t.”

Mary nodded. “And even when there are Muggle-borns they’re always seventh years, because it takes them that long to pick up the game,” her voice was determined. “Not me though, I’m gonna get it in three. I’m going to be the youngest Muggle-born Quidditch player ever on the Gryffindor team and you know why?”

Lily shook her head and Mary inched a little closer. “To piss them the fuck off.”

At that time swearing was still rather new to Lily so she actually gasped, and after several moments of shocked silence managed to stammer; “Them?”

Mary waved her hands above her as much as the bed would allow. “The powers that be, the system, the Man. The snooty Purebloods. Because I am every bit as much a Witch as they are,” her eyes locked onto Lily’s, “and so are you.”

After that they’d gone to the Great Hall and only eaten dessert for dinner and eventually Marlene had joined them and Lily had felt better and by Christmas she didn’t want to leave. But that moment under the bed, the moment her and Mary really became friends, had always stuck with her. Always made her smile a little. Made her feel better when someone in her class laughed at some bit of magic she didn’t know—something that was obvious—that little kids learned. I am every bit as much a Witch as you are, she’d think, channeling Mary as best she could. Because Mary never apologized for herself. Never felt embarrassed. Never backed down from a fight. She was unstoppable.

[zukosdumbbitch]

friction

work on ao3

pairing: jet/f reader

warnings: smut, arguing

wordcount: 1873

a/n: im srry but i needed to get this Out of my brain. characters are 18+

-

It was just at the crack of dusk and you were tidying up the room you shared with Jet in the freedom fighters’ scattered treehouse. You were Jet’s age, the two of you barely functioning adults, stubborn, opinionated, and to Jet, devastatingly alluring. He loved the clashing of your personalities, the way you so often disagreed with him and kept him on his toes. He loved his absolute authority in the group, but more than that, he loved a pretty girl deliberately challenging it.

You didn’t mind the arguments as much as you maybe should have. You saw through manipulation like sunlight through a clean window - clearly, immediately, and without doubt. Jet knew better than to mess with your head. And you knew he had a real soft spot for you - despite how much he’d try to hide it around others. You really liked him, even if he was a real pain in the ass sometimes.

Today was one of many designated days Jet and his favorite group of fighters would scout your woods and the neighboring areas. They would come back with food, that they stole, hunted, or plucked from wild plants, or with news about strangers arriving in the area and discussion of whether or not they were a threat. Jet would often return late, having taken it upon himself to do one last sweep of your unofficial territory. Normally you would join him, but you had stayed back to help the younger orphans patch up their clothes or whatever toys they managed to keep.

You carefully put your sewing kit back together, counting all the needles and neatly winding the thread. You closed the small wooden box and noticed a figure appear in your peripherals.

“Hey, baby.” You heard Jet say and you turned to see him leaning in your makeshift doorway, curtain draped behind him.

You went to embrace him and his hands came to rest on your waist. “Any good finds today?” You asked.

“Yeah, Longshot got a nice rabbit. Shot it right in the eye.” Jet pointed to his eye and you made a face. You hated killing animals, but their meat was good food and their fur provided material for blankets and clothes. Jet’s ever present smirk widened teasingly at your reaction. “He’s preparing it with Smellerbee. We’ll have a good breakfast tomorrow. Plus, I got you something.”

You looked at him curiously and he pulled out a glittery silver chain from the pouch hanging on his hip. Hung from it was a round, honey-orange stone with a simple lily carved into its surface, similar to the pai sho tile. “Oooh,” You cooed, taking the necklace into your hands and feeling the smooth stone. “It’s beautiful. Where’d you get this?” You contemplated the material of the stone. Was it amber? Carnelian?

Jet stiffened and said nothing. He found it hard to lie to you. Of course.

“You didn’t jump another innocent person did you?” You asked, desperate for him to say no.

His brows furrowed.

“Jet!” You scolded and he snatched the jewelry from your grasp.

“Smellerbee was right. Shouldn’t have given it to you.” He said bitterly, shouldering past you into the room.

“You can’t keep doing that to people! Did you take all their money and food again? Did you at least let them go without beating them senseless?” You prodded. Your anger boiled in your voice, remembering all the times he returned with food stolen from nomads and the other times that ended in violent confrontation.

“I don’t know why you have to get so upset! They could have been a Fire Nation spy for all you know!” Jet shot back, arms raised.

“Not everyone is a fucking Fire Nation spy, Jet!”

“Yeah, because you would totally know one if you saw one. I very clearly remember having to save your ass after getting kidnapped by a soldier!” He stepped closer, towering over you.

You, however, would not back down. “That doesn’t mean you need to beat up and rob every stranger you see! What is wrong with you?”

“I am trying to protect these kids!” Jet shouted, nostrils flaring.

You were red with anger from his lack of empathy. “At the expense of literally everyone else?” You hollered back.

Suddenly, Jet grabbed your face and smashed his lips to yours. Your fingers knotted into his dark hair. It wasn’t uncommon for your arguments to end like this. It was your way of forgiving one another.

Jet pulled away, teeth pinching your bottom lip and pulling. “You’re the worst.” You groaned and Jet pushed you down to the bed.

“You’re so god damn annoying.” He responded as his lips chased yours and he pulled you in for another searing kiss.

His hands wandered down your backside, grabbing your ass and kneading the soft flesh. You hissed against his lips, hands fumbling with the closure on his pants and untucking his shirt. His tongue lined your mouth, making you shiver as you pushed the makeshift armor from his clothes. He gave your ass a hard smack and you yelped in surprise.

“Why does everything have to be a problem with you?” Jet gruffed against your lips.

“You cause problems, Jet!”

He growled into your jaw and pushed you unto your back. He pushed your knees apart so he could press himself close to you, hips digging into yours. You groaned, tugging on his hair as his lips traced your jaw. His teeth dug into your neck in a hard bite and sucked at your skin, only moving along once he saw deep purple gathering in the indents of his teeth. You squirmed when he found your soft spot, thighs rubbing uncomfortably against his sides and you rolled your hips back against his. Jet was relentless, marking up your neck and collarbones and you impatiently tugged at his shirt and whined.

Jet leaned back on his heels and discarded his shirt and wrist wrappings. You pulled your own shirt over your head and rid of the binder confining your breasts and Jet was upon you once again. He palmed your breasts and his lips trailed down your body. He tugged at your pants and you heard the button snap off.

“You need to stop fucking tearing my clothes!” You seethed.

Jet responded by silencing you with a harsh kiss. He pulled again at your pants and you pushed them down along with your underwear as far as your position would allow. Jet sat up and tore the rest of your clothes from your body and began to make work of his own. You watched him, taking in the lean muscles that rippled under his golden brown skin.

Jet grabbed you under your knees and tugged you forward before taking his erection in his hand and rubbing it across the wetness along your folds. You keened, bucking your hips for more attention and Jet smirked down at you.

“You want it, baby?” He asked, voice husky with lust.

You nodded, grasping his shoulders.

“Beg for it.” Jet commanded.

You groaned. “No.”

Jet growled, smacking your thigh. “Beg or I won’t let you cum for the rest of the month.”

You scoffed at him. “I don’t need you to do that.”

Jet grabbed your face in one hand and pressed his lips back yours in an angry kiss, teeth clashing. He rubbed the tip of his dick slowly against your clit, making your hips roll. “Beg for it.”

“Sounds more like you’re that one that’s begging.” You panted.

Jet grunted in frustration and conceded, slamming into you with one swift thrust of his hips. You mewled loudly and clawed at his shoulders. He gave you no time to catch your breath and held you down by your throat, setting a bruising pace that left your eyes rolling. You hiked your thighs high on his torso and dug your heels into his back.

“Fuck, you’re so tight.” Jet moaned. He grabbed under your knee and pressed your thigh next to your chest, allowing him to fuck you deeper. You squirmed under his constraint, whining helplessly as that knot built in your belly. You reached down to rub your aching clit, but Jet caught your wrist. “Nah-uh, baby girl. You’re gonna have to get off on just my dick.”

You had no response, the fast pace of his hips making any words you could form catch in your throat. You clenched around him and raked your nails down his back, digging as hard as you could into his skin and eliciting a groan.

Jet suddenly pulled out and spanked you. “On your stomach, baby.”

You rolled over and Jet quickly possessed your hips, pushing back into you without hesitation. If he was brutal before, now he was just ruthless. “Oh fuck!” You cried, moaning into your pillow.

Jet gathered your wrists against your back and plowed into you. Tears brimmed at your eyes with how good he was making you feel and you pressed your hips back against his thrusts with all the strength that was left in you. You were getting close to your orgasm, that knot winding tighter and tighter as your pussy clenched hard around his cock.

You heard Jet let out a deep moan and that was all it took. You trembled, expletives leaving your mouth as Jet fucked you hard through your orgasm. “Fuck yes, baby girl, cum on my cock.” Jet praised and grabbed your ass with both hands. Your newly freed fists knotted into the sheets as you mewled at the overstimulation, thighs quaking and giving out under you.

“So good,” You cooed, Jet grabbing your shoulder to pull you back against him.

You let him continue to slam into your tender g-spot, loving every second of your drawn-out high. Jet swore and pulled out to release on your back.

You allowed yourself to go limp against the bed and Jet fell unto his back beside you. You tried to catch your breath.

Jet grabbed a scrap of cloth from the nightstand and threw it at you.

You rolled your eyes as you took it. “Don’t be fucking rude.” You grumbled, though your words had little bite.

Jet sighed. You both laid in silence for a few moments and you found your canteen and took a swig water.

Jet put out his hand. "Let me get that."

You secured the cap and answered, "No."

Jet looked at you incredulously. You stared back and he began to move toward you. You hid the canteen behind you. "Y/N!" He scolded and you giggled as he grasped at it and you held it from his reach.

"Say you'll stop jumping people for no reason." You insisted.

"Baby girl, I can't promise you anything." He swung at your hand, but you managed to keep him from grabbing it.

You frowned at him. He got a hold of your wrist and despite your protests, he took the canteen. "Dick." You pouted.

Jet took a healthy gulp of water and said, "Y'know, all we did was search him and take that pendant. We didn't hurt him."

"Still shouldn't have taken it."

Jet swung an arm around you and pulled you in to kiss your forehead. "Whatever, baby." 

[matchasprouts]

The Walls - Chapter 3

[ couldn't write for a while but [ hands you a glimpse into Felix's gay brain ] come and get your juice ]

First || Next || Previous || Last

It took a while after getting upstairs for Felix to grab everything he needed (literally just the clothes he was going to change into, he was just easily distracted), but finally he was in the bathroom.

He didn’t shower in the mansion bathroom very often, since he lived in the cabin on the property, so he was immediately worried about the thing in the walls.

Well, it wouldn’t hurt to check.

Slowly, he made his way over to the most uncluttered wall that would have the crawl space attached to it. He knew it wasn’t omniscient, so if it were far enough away, it wouldn’t hear him. Hopefully it would be attached enough to Greta that it would be downstairs.

He paused for a moment, let out a breath, and lightly knocked three times on the wall. Three knocks was a greeting, or a goodbye between them. The thing usually only took a few seconds to respond.

…

Silence. Felix let out a sigh of relief, making his way over to the shower and turning it on. It was an old shower, but comfortable. He really did enjoy any chance he could use it without worry.

After a few seconds of making sure the water was at the right temperature, he started getting undressed. The overalls were off first, followed by the sweater he wore in the colder seasons. And then there was his binder.

He used to struggle a lot more with taking it off when he first started wearing it, but now he pulled it over his head without a fight. He draped it over the sink, away from his dirtied clothes, since he only really washed it when he absolutely needed to.

The water was almost scalding when Felix stepped into it, but that was on purpose. He’d basically shot his nerves when it came to hot water, barely feeling it if it wasn’t hot enough to leave marks on his skin.

He’d been told multiple times to go to therapy because of this. He assumed his nerves were so fucked because of the arson. Who fucking knows, he refused to go to a doctor.

The shower didn’t last very long, Felix just took as long as he needed to get the dirt off him and be done. The longest part was his hair, and he honestly wasn’t sure if he’d even gotten all the soap out of his hair by the time he stepped out of the shower.

It was while he was drying off his hair that he noticed the change in the room. Next to the t-shirt and sweatpants he’d laid out to change into sat a dark green, and very large, cardigan.

Felix knew for a damn fact that he hadn’t put that there. He didn’t even own cardigans- just an assload of sweaters. So where did this come from? It was too large to belong to Greta, too tattered too.

After a few seconds, it clicked. It belonged to the thing in the walls. The thing that always heard him complaining about the cold, or how it was hard to hide when he wasn’t wearing a binder.

And, it seemed, it finally did something about it.

Theoretically, he enjoyed the gesture. He was definitely going to wear it, the warmth was worth it, but still… this meant that it had come in while he was showering, and he hadn’t heard it. That didn’t imply good things.

He got dressed quickly, pausing before pulling on the cardigan. It was huge on him, even though he was average height and pretty well built. It smelled like wood, and smoke. It was… incredibly comfortable too.

After quickly glancing in the mirror, the green of the cardigan making the green of his eyes really pop. It probably helped that he was extra pale from the blast of hot water, bringing his freckles out as well.

He didn’t look too long. Felix didn’t like his face, and staring at it would make him shut down.

---

Greta had already started on dinner when he made it to the kitchen, and he was pleased to find Brahms sitting at the kitchen table.

“Hey. Sorry if you’ve been waiting long,” he said, rolling up the cardigan sleeves and jumping right into helping. She was making a soup apparently, probably because they didn’t have much at the moment. Malcolm was supposed to deliver some groceries tomorrow.

“Don’t worry about it,” Greta replied, handing him a knife and some vegetables to cut. He didn’t hesitate before getting into it, making quick work of them. “I hope soup is okay. We really need groceries.”

Felix hummed in response, keeping most of his focus on what he was doing. “Soup is always good, I’m just glad we could make something at all.”

Silence fell after that. They weren’t friends, they really didn’t have all that much to talk about. So they worked. At least it made the cooking go faster.

---

“So, where’d this come from?” Greta asked after they were finished and sitting down to eat, gesturing to the cardigan. He was surprised she could tell that it wasn’t his, especially because she knew next to nothing about him. Maybe it was because it was so big, or because of it being a dark colour.

Felix shrugged at the question, not willing to scare her off when Brahms clearly liked her. “It just kind of showed up. I’ve probably had it for years without realizing it. I can be forgetful like that sometimes.” No, he couldn’t. Distractible? Sure. Forgetful? Unfortunately, his memory was near photographic.

But Greta accepted it without question, just like he thought she would. It seemed like she was doing everything she possibly could to not question anything about this house. He vaguely wondered if she had seen Brahms move yet, but he doubted it.

When they were finished, it was Brahms’s bedtime. After making Greta promise she would follow the bedtime rules properly, he let her go to put the doll to bed, cleaning up the kitchen for her.

He heard rustling in the walls as Greta headed upstairs and smiled slightly to himself, knowing that the wall thing was making sure that she followed the rules.

The thought made him pull the cardigan tighter against himself, surprised at his own fondness toward the thing. Six years was a long time to grow attached to something, and he was honestly fine with being attached to it. After all, he never truly interacted with it. It probably wouldn’t hurt him.

Probably.

He shook those thoughts away, finished cleaning, and headed upstairs for bed. Greta’s door was already closed, Brahms was in bed, and the walls were quiet. Felix inspected his temporary bedroom once arriving at it, only laying down when he was satisfied that it was empty.

For once, sleep came easy.

---

The next morning, Felix woke up before Greta, and about an hour before Brahms needed to be woken up. Happy for the chance to get something done without Greta in the way, or needing to look out for Brahms, he wasted no time in getting up and dressed. He laid the cardigan out neatly on his bed for the thing to take back, making sure to close the door when he left the room.

Once downstairs he did some cleaning to take a bit of the workload off of Greta. Before heading out to do his gardening, he paused, glancing around the kitchen. They really needed that grocery delivery today, but he figured he could make breakfast before becoming the garden cryptid again.

So, he made something simple and wouldn’t need to be warm, put it in the fridge, and left a note for Greta. Once satisfied, he grabbed his gloves and headed outside. He’d probably come back in when Malcolm got there, just because there was something he’d need for later that he needed to ask him to grab.

It was time for Brahms to be woken up by the time Felix had started his gardening, a small smile crossing his lips when he looked up at the window and saw the light click on, followed by Greta opening up the curtains.

Well, maybe she was finally taking him seriously. He hoped so. He would sure hate to hate someone like her. She was nice and all, and really the only off thing that she’d done so far was not take care of Brahms right.

How unfortunate that that would change.

Felix happened to walk in during a conversation between Greta and Malcolm, relieved he hadn’t missed the man. He only caught part of the conversation, something about going out tonight. He didn’t hear Greta’s response, so he wasn’t annoyed yet, but it was getting there.

“Hey Malcolm,” he said as he grabbed a bottle of water, taking a sip before continuing, “could you grab something for me next time you go out? Nothing time sensitive or anything, it would just make my life a little easier.

Malcolm, sensing the change in conversation, replied without hesitation. “Sure man, what do you need?”

“A new pair of garden gloves, mine are falling apart. I’d get them myself but I don’t have a car and you know I don’t like leaving the grounds.” Felix was a little surprised when Malcolm nodded and wrote it down, but relieved. He really did need those gloves.

“I can grab ‘em for you today, I’ll be coming back tonight anyway,” Malcolm said as he tucked the small notepad back into his jacket. Felix immediately narrowed his eyes at him, his expression asking the “why” that he didn’t vocalize.

That’s when Greta cleared her throat and stepped in. “Malcolm offered to take me out to see the town tonight, and I accepted,” she explained, cringing at the harsh glare Felix sent her way. Before he could say anything, she continued, “Brahms will already be in bed by the time I leave! So there’s nothing to worry about.”

Nothing to worry about? She was breaking the rules! And it would know!! It was significantly more dangerous than Felix was!!!

He let out a sigh that bordered dangerously on a growl, before running a hand through his short hair and deciding that this was a battle he shouldn’t fight. “Whatever. Don’t say shit to me when something bad happens because you chose to break the rules.”

“Oh, come on man, she shouldn’t be cooped up in here-” Malcolm tried to step in, only to be cut off by Felix’s shears hitting the table hard enough that it shook.

“Don’t try to tell me what should or should not be happening here!” he snapped, the rage bubbling over before he could stop it. It was his fatal flaw- shortest temper in the Shaw family. “All I know is that she’s breaking the damn rules, and we’re all gonna get hell because of it!”

He hated arguing. He did. So, with that, before they could continue, he stormed off. Before he knew it, he had slammed his bedroom door and fallen heavily onto his bed. It took a godly amount of self control to not break anything, but he managed.

This was slowly but surely turning into a fucking nightmare.

[rainydayhogwartsimagines]

I think i have another request. Well i do i mean lol. It may be a little dark but the idea just came to me... y/n spending Christmas break with the Weasleys (because she is best friends with Ron or the twins?) at burrow because her family are not that pleasant to be around and treat her poorly.. y/n is self harming and no one knows til one day fred (her crush )finds out somehow some way and consoles her and they end up confessing their true feelings for each other?

I just want to say: if anyone needs to talk to someone I'm here. But if you want some sort of therapy or anything there is a app where you can talk it out called 7cupsoftea.

Suicide hotline:800-273-8255

text hotline: 741741

Love you all. You are loved, please know that.

Trigger warning: self harm, abuse

You spent a lot of time in the background. No one seemed to take notice of you, no one seemed to really notice if you were sick or not. Well. Except for Ginny. Ginny saw you. She actually noticed you and asked Fred and George, who were in your year to keep an eye out. She noticed you, talking to you from time to time and noticing you needed more friends. So who better than to go to than the boys who literally knows everyone including the portraits on the walls.

You seemed jumpy, always nearly dropping things when they appeared. But you appreciated the boys, checking on you and talking to you. George had a surprising lack of classes with you though compared to Fred. After a few... Pranks/possible murder plots? The teachers put Fred and George in only two classes together. So Fred had his with you, always sitting next to you and making sure you were good. He didn't really catch on to anything wrong. He just noticed the long sleeves and figured "so she's cold all the time". Ginny and Luna knew this wasn't the case though. They knew you, truly so. You hid the marks from your brothers and the self inflicted scars. You bared so much and they hated to see you tear yourself apart.

Ginny would always change the subject when your family came up in the great hall, Fred and George always being confused to why that happened. Fred was closer with you than George and knew something was up but didn't understand the extent of it. George could see his brother begin to slowly fall for you, him whispering funny little jokes to you making you smile or laugh. However the thing that everyone seemed to notice was the lack of light in your eyes when you showed positive emotion. You would smile, sure. But your eyes seemed dull and tired.

Fred would sometimes skip class with you, sitting under a tree and talk to you about life in general with his head in your lap. Today was one of those days, it being particularly colder but Fred was warm so you didn't mind. "Hey Y/n... What do you think about spending Christmas with us this year?" He asked. You blinked a couple of times. "Are you sure you have the room? I mean... Your family is massive Freddie." You asked. "We always have room. Plus don't you wanna spend the holidays with your fwiends?" He asked, playfully poking your cheek. You chuckled. "Okay... I'll let my parents know."

You felt a slight relief being able to leave hogwarts and it not being associated with going to your parents house. Molly greeted you with a hug and you seemed shocked to receive affection like that right off the bat. Fred noticed though, when Molly's hands slid from your shoulders to your hands you seemed to flinch ever so slightly at the touch. No one else seemed to notice so Fred kept it to himself. Ginny kept close to you, showing you things all throughout the house. Fred however soon whisked you off with George to go off and see the cooler things. The fields, the places they had to just sit and talk or the test area for a few of their pranking devices.

At night it seemed peaceful. But you had these terrible nightmares where you woke up sobbing and Ginny was always there, comforting you when you did. However tonight was just a silent wake up. Still, you didn't want to sleep in case you woke up again but louder. Ginny was still awake and she looked over. "You okay?" She asked. "Do you mind if I step out for a bit? Just need some fresh air." You asked. "Go ahead." She nodded. So you walked out, letting the cold air hit your face as you sat on the back steps of the house. You pulled back your sleeves and saw the scars, closing your eyes.

Six months clean... Yet the reminders were still there. You pulled them back down and sighed before you noticed someone sit down next to you. "Whatcha thinkin' about?" Fred asked, handing you a mug of hot cocoa. "....Do you ever just want to scream for hours to get out your emotions and be free of the weight on your chest?" You asked before taking a long sip of the cocoa. "...Not really. But we can literally just scream in a field out here if you really want?" Fred suggested.

That's exactly what you did, making sure that no one could hear you before you kicked a fence post and Fred rose a brow. "Any particular reason why you're upset?" He asked. You kept kicking it, harder and harder as you went. "Does trauma count as a reliable fucking answer?" You grunted before really kicking it hard. You were panting by the time you were done. "Y/n... Princess, what's up?" He asked. You shook your head. "I want to be happy, I should be happy. I am surrounded by people who care but I can't stop thinking about my God damn--" you kicked the post again. "Family!" You yelled. The pained expression on your face made Fred concerned. "Do you want to go home--" "That place will never be home." You said, catching your breath again. "Y/n... What's going on, what do you need?" He asked. You shook your head, your hair hiding your face so Fred couldn't see the tears, the angry tears falling. You kicked the post again, Fred finally pulling you back by your wrist making you yelp. He frowned and you looked into his eyes with this upset look. "Help me." You whimpered. He said nothing, letting go of your wrist and pulling you into a tight hug.

You told him everything. The abuse, the nightmares the inability to sleep, the crying, all of it. But you also told him you stopped hurting yourself because of Ginny and him. You stopped because you didn't want your friends to lose you in their lives because you grew attached and you didn't want to be a cause of sadness. Fred brought you back to the living room, both of you sitting on the couch and talking all night.

When Molly found you, you were asleep on Fred who was holding you close. She didn't wake you until much later but Fred was determined to have you stay at the burrow rather than go home. Christmas rolled around and Fred got you this necklace. It had a Demiguise engraved on it after he remembered you saying it was your favorite magical creature. You loved it and for the first time your friends saw you genuinely smile. Like your eyes lit up and everything. You got Fred a new broom, him smiling like crazy telling you that one day he was teaching you how to fly with him.

Ginny noticed the nightmares take a slow down. But when they did happen you asked for Fred and sure enough, he'd come in and lay with you. You two were closer, that was becoming very clear. Nights would come where you couldn't sleep, Ginny would tell him and you two would just play a card game and talk. He listened to you, giving you genuine advice before cracking a joke and making you genuinely laugh.

When you went back to school you were more talkative, you actually participated in events, Fred was proud of seeing you slowly come out of your shell. A day of skipping did come along, you sitting underneath the tree and playing with Fred's hair. "So... How are you... With everything?" He asked. "Almost a year clean." You said with a smile. He smiled, looking up at you from your lap and put a hand on your cheek. "I'm proud of you Y/n... Truly." He said. You looked down at him and smiled noticing a strange tension looking at him. "...Y/n..." He breathed looking at you. You swallowed and looked up, a blush slowly forming. Fred leaned up and cleared his throat. "Sooo. What's our next class?" Fred asked. "This was our last class of the day." You said with a chuckle. "Ohhh.. I really gotta start paying attention." He said making you laugh. "Dinner is going to start in a few minutes, want to go?" Fred asked you. "Mmm.. I don't think so. I wanna see the sunset on the lake." You said. Fred sat cross-legged in front of you. "Then I will too." He said. "Wha-- Fred what about--" "I want to stay here." He said simply.

You pulled a deck of cards out of your binder and he chuckled. "Go fish or Rummy?" You asked. "Hmmm. Let's go simple today and say go fish." He said. You two played two rounds before you looked over at the sunset. "That's so pretty." You said with a smile. Fred smiled looking at you. "It really is." He said as the pink skies seemed to bring out your eyes. You looked over and Fred swallowed. You loved this boy... Didn't you?

He felt himself lean forward and you soon felt his lips on yours before you cradled his cheek, pulling away for air and resting your forehead on his. "I-I'm sorry I just reacted and--" "Fred... Please tell me you're going to do that again." You whispered. He chuckled and held your hand that was still on his cheek. "Only if you want me to." He said softly. You nodded with a smile and he kissed you again, feeling his arms slowly slink around you, pulling you almost into his lap.

"Promise you'll never leave me?" You asked. "Never would dream of it Princess."

[fly-flower-fanfics]

Panicked Truth

Spencer Reid x Trans Male Reader

Warnings: Smut, touching, pre-transition bottom, oral

~~~~~~~~~~~

I didn’t want to leave my house. Never again. I could. I didn’t want to. I was so scared, so uspet. There was absolutely no way I was going to be able to show my face at work tomorrow. Could I call in sick? I shook my head.

I needed my best friend.

I reached for my phone and picked it up, calling Penelope. 

"Speak to me," she answered, and I found myself breathing out a sigh in relief.

"Hey, I'm in a bit of a jam," I started, embarrassed as all hell. Even though she already knew I was trans, it didn’t make the situation any less embarrassing for me.

"Oh? I'm all ears, honey."

Penelope was my best friend, and I trusted her with everything. She was the first one to make me feel like apart of the team when I joined, so naturally, she became the first I told that I was trans. I didn't really want anyone else to find out because I was afraid they'd have the same reaction that my parents did: disgust and hatred.

"I was at Spencer's. We were cooking, and I accidentally got flour all over the place and on the two of us. He didn't care, but blah blah blah, long story short, I had to change my clothing, and he saw my binder. He tried to question me about it but, Pen, I ran. Oh god, I ran. I didn’t even give back his shirt,” I said, looking down at the genius’s shirt that decorated my body. “And now he’s gonna hate me and fuck me, what is this gonna do to our friendship, and oh god, Penelope, what do I do?"

"Woah, okay. Okay. I don't think he'll care. He'll still want to be friends with you, and he'll love you no matter what, you know that Y/N. It’s Spencer. It’s hard to make him not want to be with you. Plus he’s in love with you, I swear."

There was no way Spencer was in love with me. Yeah, I had had a crush on him for a long time, but him liking me back? That wasn’t something I could ever see happening. But I ignored that part because that wasn’t what I wanted to talk to her about right now.

"I don't want to leave the house ever again. I wanted to discuss it on my own terms, Pen... to discuss it when I felt comfortable...”

"I know, but you of all people should know that life doesn't always go according to plan, especially in our lives."

I sighed and ran a hand through my hair. "You're right,” I admitted, though I hated to say that she was right.

The binder around my chest felt like it was squeezing the life out of me, but it was only because I was hyperaware of the fact that it was on me. Plus it was the object of my extreme embarrassment and sorrows so how could I not notice it? I tugged on the material, frowning.

A knock at the door jarred my attention. I walked over, peering through the peephole. Immediately, I ducked down and walked away from the door. My heart started pounding.

"Oh my god. Ohmygodohmygod!"

"What? What is it?" Penelope asked, concern clearly laced in her words.

"He's here!" I whisper-shouted. "He's at my fucking door! What do I do?"

"Just talk to him. What else could go wrong now?"

Oh. Way too much. "What if he laughs at me? Or-or worse? I don’t know—what if he hates me now?”

There was another knock at the door. "I know you're in there, Y/N. Please let me in," Spencer said as he knocked once more. “I can literally hear you on the phone.”

"He won't laugh at you. I'm hanging up now so you can talk to him."

"Penelope!"

"Hanging up!"

And the line went dead.

Fuck. Me.

I settled my hand on the doorknob after throwing my phone back onto the couch. Fuck me. I can't let him in. There is no way in hell!

"I want to talk to you,” Spencer said.

I wished he would just stop talking and go away. I didn’t want to talk to him. I was scared, embarrassed, upset. I couldn’t see him but eventually, I opened the door.

"What can I do for you?" I asked, trying to hide the fact that I just wanted to break down and cry.

"We have to talk."

No, we don't.

I stepped aside to let him in, and he walked into the living room. I shut the door, took a deep breath, and let it out slowly. It was now or never, but I really preferred never. I never wanted to have this conversation. Not before all my surgeries.

I took a seat next to Spencer on the couch. He was fiddling with his fingers, intently staring at them like they were the most interesting thing on the planet. Funnily enough, that’s how I felt about my own fingers as I turned my attention to them.

"Why didn't you ever tell me?" he asked softly.

I wanted to keep playing dumb, like I didn’t know what he was talking about, but I knew that it would only drag this out longer and increase my anxiety. That was something I didn’t want.

"I didn't want you to be mad," I said, twirling my fingers around one another. "I didn't want to feel your rejection as well. I didn't want to be viewed as a fake. I didn't want you to see me differently, and I didn't want to tell until I was totally comfortable. I-I’m not comfortable yet...”

"But why not me?"

Spencer has a point, in a way. He was my best friend, right after Penelope.

I guess now was as good a time as any to spill my guts. The hole I had dug didn’t seem like it could really get much deeper.

"Because... because I'm in love with you, Spencer... I'm in love with you, and I didn't want you to see me as... as something else just because I didn't yet have surgery to correct everything that’s wrong with me."

Spencer got up off the couch, and my heart shattered. I guess my hole could be dug deeper. He was leaving. He was disgusted by who I was.

"Hey..." Spencer stood in front of me, tilting my chin to face him. "I'm not mad. I... I'm in love with you."

His fingers found their way to the buttons of his shirt, but he paused. I found myself frowning, utterly confused with why he was unbuttoning his shirt.

Once all the buttons were undone, he pulled open his shirt.

A soft gasp was pulled from my lips as I tore my eyes from his top surgery scars to his beautiful eyes. A lopsided smile pulled his lips, but it was clear he was nervous.

"Why would I hate you for being trans when I'm trans myself?"

I stood up and my hands hovered over his scars. He gave me a slight nod, the smallest gesture that I needed to let me know that I was okay to touch them.

My fingers traced the white marks, and I felt tears in my eyes. Spencer was trans...

“How... when... I...” I didn’t even know what I wanted to say. I couldn’t believe that Spencer was trans. And that he, too, had hidden it from the rest of us.

“Same reasons as you. Hotch promised not to tell while I took leave for the surgery,” he explained, understanding what I wanted to ask.

I looked up at him and smiled softly. My heart bubbled with love. I wanted to hold him and kiss him. Knowing that I had another trans person in my life... was wonderful. I couldn’t even believe that he was trans in the first place. “Ohmygoshiloveyou.”

Spencer laughed and pulled me into a hug. “I love you.”

I pressed a kiss onto his lips, holding him close. My one hand tangled in his hair, holding his head as he kissed me back. His hands fell on my hips, and he pulled me closer to him. His hands gripped my hips tightly, and I rubbed his hair lightly.

Spencer’s lips parted slightly, a soft gasp passsing them into our kiss. I pulled back, looking up at him. His cheeks were flushed, and he refused to meet my eyes. I touched our noses together, which caused him to look back at me. I tugged his hair gently again, receiving the same reaction, except this time, he breathed out a soft word with it.

“Fuck.”

I raised an eyebrow, a light smirk dancing on my lips. “You like that?”

Spencer untangled himself from me, flattening hiss till untied shirt agaisnt his chest. “I-I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

Tilting my head, I watched his eyes. He was clearly embarrassed. His body language screamed it. But... he didn’t seem like he wanted to leave. Like he was embarrassed, but okay with being in my presence, possibly even turned on.

“No? Would you know what I’m talking about if I did this?” I asked, walking closer to him and laying another kiss on his lips.

Spencer’s hands fell back onto my hips, and I found myself smirking into the kiss. My hands found their way to his hair again, tangling them in it.

However, I was the one to gasp this time when Spencer moved his hands to my ass and squeezed. I backed from the kiss. It was my turn to be embarrassed now.

“Jerk.”

“You started it!” he argued back, teasing me like a child would. Spencer hesitated and looked at me, really looking at me. “I love you,” he whispered.

“I love you,” I replied, biting my lip. I felt like he wanted to say something but he wasn’t telling me what it was.

“I want you...”

I could barely hear his words. I barely caught them. They almost fell upon deaf ears. But I caught them just in time.

“Me...? Spencer, I...”

“You don’t have to. We don’t have to do anything. I... I just want you... I don’t care if that means we just cuddle. I just want to be close to you.”

I took a breath, glancing down at myself. I hadn’t had any of my surgeries. I didn’t want Spencer to be turned off by that. I do desperately wanted my first time to be with Spencer, but I was so afraid of what he would say and what would happen.

“I haven’t had bottom surgery,” Spencer said, causing my eyes to snap up and meet his. “I haven’t had the time or the ability to.”

I took a shaky breath in. “I... I want you, too. I’m... I’m okay with that. With whatever you want.”

He took my hand and gently lead me back to my bedroom. It was the first time he’d been over. He gingerlt closed the door, seeming like he didn’t want to be too loud.

Spencer pulled me close to him, kissing me again. My eyes closed as I kissed him back. His lips were soft and gentle. When he pulled back, he led me to the bedroom carefully and slowly.

He closed the door and then laid me down in the bed. Spencer got on top of me and kissed me again, running his fingers down my side to hold my hips. I wrapped my arms around his neck, tangling my fingers in his hair again. I tugged on it lightly, making Spencer breathe out soft curses. His fingers gripped my hips tighter.

I tugged on his hair again, and he pulled back, looking down at me. He leaned down and kissed my neck, kissing it softly and slowly. I closed my eyes, allowing myself to feel Spencer and his lips.

My hands fell from his hair, moving to his shoulders. I pushed him back lightly, just enough for him to understand I wanted him to stop for a moment.

“You don’t have to do this, Spence,” I said softly.

“I want to,” he replied back.

I leaned up and kissed him, wrapping my arms back around his neck. Spencer’s hands slipped underneath my shirt, his fingertips barely touching my skin.

“May I take this off?” he asked after backing away from our kiss.

I still had my binder on, so I wasn’t too worried right now. I nodded, shifting to allow him to take it off better.

He dropped the material to the floor and kissed my stomach before looking up at me. “You’re so beautiful.”

I felt a blush dust over my cheeks again as I shook my head. “No... Spencer, I’m not. But I genuinely appreciate you thinking so.”

He frowned. “Hey, you are. You’re so beautiful. You’re so handsome. You’re wonderful. And I’m so in love with you.” His fingers traced from my underarms to my hips, down the length of my torso. “I’m in love with every curve and bump. Every mark and dimple. Everything you may not like, I love. And I don’t mind that you’re not yet transitioned. I’ll love you when you do just as much as I love you now. It changes nothing for me.”

I smiled, feeling tears well up in my eyes. No one had ever said such nice things to me so genuinely. I cupped his face in my hands and brought him up to my lips, kissing him softly.

“Can I keep my binder on?” I asked softly after he pulled from the kiss.

Spencer smiled. “If that makes you the most comfortable with me, then absolutely. You can keep it on.” He got serious with me real quick. “Just make sure you don’t overwear it. And you can always tell me to stop. Stop and we’re done. Honestly.”

“I know, Spence.” I smiled at him, rubbing my thumbs across his cheek bones. “Can I take off your shirt too?”

He nodded, and I dropped my hands so he could take it off. He dropped the material next to mine before climbing back on top of me and kissing me.

I pulled back, turning him over and straddling his hips. I rested my hands on his stomach, looking over his body and admiring him. His beauty. I looked up at met his gaze, soft smiles on our faces.

“I love you,” I whispered.

“I love you.”

My hands slid down to his belt buckle, and I looked up at him, making sure it was okay that I could take it off. He gave me a slight nod, letting me know it was okay.

He lifted his hips to help me take his pants off, and I dropped them on the floor, having them join our shirts.

“Can I take off yours?” Spencer asked, and I hesitated before giving him a nod.

Soon enough, my jeans joined the rest of the clothing that was on my floor. All that was left was our boxers. I was nervous, and Spencer could tell because he sat down beside me and took my hand.

“We don’t have to do this.”

“I want to. I’m... I’m just scared of what you’ll think of me. I-I know you won’t mind, but I hope you understand. I just... I didn’t expect anything. I didn’t know that you’d be doing things like this with me. I didn’t shave or anything. I didn’t get to shower today...” I trailed off, blushing deeply.

Spencer only laughed. “Babe, I don’t care. I’m not grossed out by that. You showered last night because you texted me when you got out to say goodnight. Just like always. That’s not going to stop me from loving you.”

He laid me down and laid next to me. He gave my cheek a kiss and rested his hand on my stomach. I looked down at his hand on my almost naked body and realized how large his hands were. And how long his fingers were.

“Do you want a safe word?”

My eyes turned to Spencer’s. “No. No, I know you’ll stop if I say so. I-I find it easier to say ‘no’ than to say some other word.”

“Okay,” he whispered and turned my head to kiss my lips. I felt his hand slide down my boxers and over my skin. I shuddered at the feeling. It’s been so long since I’ve felt anything down there.

His fingers gently touched and moved around, getting familiar with my body before he slipped a finger inside of me, moving it slowly at first. I gasped into the kiss, which allowed Spencer to stick his tongue into my mouth. Yet there was a slight moment of hesitation for me to pull back if I wanted.

I brought a hand up and rested it on the back of his head, tangling my fingers in his hair, letting him know I wanted this. His tongue slipped over mine, dancing in time with my own. His hand sped up, causing my legs to tremble.

I pulled back from the kiss, leaning my head back onto the pillow as my eyes closed. I bit my lower lip, stifling a soft moan. I felt my cheeks heat in a blush. Spencer kissed my cheek, taking my hand in his.

Spencer pulled out of me, moving to tease my clit. I shivered, groaning in pleasure. After another minute, Spencer repositioned his hand where he could finger me as well as teasing my clit simultaneously. Pleasure filled my senses, and I pulled him into another kiss. Our tongues battled for dominance as my hips bucked up into his hands.

He kept this up for a while, kissing me and my neck, making hickies on the exposed skin. I wondered how he didn’t get tired, but fuck, I was a mess in his hands. A shaking, moaning, shivering mess.

“Fuck,” I muttered, my lips mere centimeters from his. I looked up at his eyes, biting my lip as I met them. Fuck, he was so damn gorgeous. “Fuck, I’m close.”

That only caused Spencer to speed up, upping the amount of pleasure I got. I tugged on his hair, my other hand gripping the sheets. My body filled with a warmth as I hit my climax. I squeezed my eyes shut as Spencer coaxed me through the orgasm.

It took me a moment to recover from the pleasure. When I did, I met eyes with Spencer’s. He had a smile on his face. I blushed and looked away.

“Was it okay?” he asked me. I turned my eyes back to Spencer’s.

“It was perfect.” I turned over onto my side and tilted my head slightly. “Can I please you?”

This time, Spencer blushed. He rubbed the back of his head nervously. “I-I don’t want to be a problem for you is-is all...”

“Spencer, it’s no problem at all. I want to. You made me feel good, so I wanna make you feel good.” I laid a hand on his hip. “If you’ll let me.”

He gave me a nod, and I helped him relax back agaisnt the bed. I kissed him softly at first before loving doen his neck and giving that soft kisses. I slid my hand down his boxers, feeling him up gently. I took notice to the fact that he, too, hadn’t shaved and it suddenly made me feel better. He really didn’t mind...

I slowly began to finger him, making marks on his chest. Soft moans left his lips, and I felt my ears grow hot. God, he was so sexy. I wanted him. I kissed back up to his neck, leaving hickies there, too. I sped up a little, teasing his clit as I went, wanting to make him feel good.

“Fuck, Y/N, jus-st like that. Fuck,” he muttered, his hand coming up to grip my hair. I moved back to his lips and kissed him hard. He kissed me back, smiling into the kiss. He moaned into the kiss.

I pulled back, kissing down his chest and down his stomach to the brim of his boxers. With his permission, I pulled them down and kissed him softly. I then licked him slowly, gently. He gave out a low moan.

Spencer’s hands found their way to my hair again, tugging on it. I sucked on his clit, getting another moan. I continued to suck and lick him, looking up at him and watching his face contort in pleasure.

“‘M close,” he muttered, bucking his hips. I moved back, quickly replacing my lips with my hand again. I went back to his lips, kissing him. He moaned into the kiss again. I pulled back, laying our foreheads together until he came.

Once we got cleaned up and redressed to our boxers again, Spencer pulled me into his arms and cuddled me. I kissed his cheek softly.

“Are we...?”

“If you want to be,” Spencer replied.

“Spencer Reid, I love you,” I whispered softly.

“Y/N L/N, I love you.”

I laid my head agaisnt his chest and closed my eyes, listening to his heartbeat.

Penelope has been right. There was nothing for me to worry about. Everything had gone perfectly. I was so lucky with the way he reacted, even though he was trans himself. I was thankful...

Me and Spencer, a thing. Boyfriends. Holy shit, I didn’t think I’d ever really get this far with Spencer. I never knew he was in love with me too. Oh, was Pen gonna flip when I told her about this.

Of course, minus some details.

[nonfuntional-mallgoth]

My Captive Pup (James March x Trans Male Reader)

Author’s Note: agsksh y’all this is literally just my guilty kink & main kink pushed together hope ya enjoy the horror

Warnings: male reader, could be considered dubcon but keep in mind: this is all fictional, he/him pronouns, sexually intimate situations, implied kidnapping, captive reader, trans male reader, cis male/gnc James, collars/chains, light puppy play, 69-ing

———————

You were groggy as always when you woke up. You weren’t sure why James still slid that powder into your treat before bed, but it did help you sleep soundly. You rubbed your eyes a little as you sat up in your soft, round bed, a yawn escaping you.

The bed was comfortable, but made sure you stayed in your place as a dog. It was large, plush, covered in thousand thread count sheets and the softest possible blankets. Your favorite stuffies were tucked in by the pillows, alongside your chew toys, designed for human-pup use. James only had the finest of things for you.

You fondly touched the thick, yet comfortable, leather collar around your throat. It did make you a bit sad he still locked it. You wouldn’t run away, you adored your little room! Not to mention how well you were treated. You were a very spoiled little puppy.

The collar connected to a metal chain bolted to the wall. When you were first brought in there were only four links of metal. You couldn’t leave the bed without permission, had no hope of doing anything without James. Now you had a much longer lead after a month or so of obedience, not that it took much discipline for you to behave.

You were most thankful that your new chain could easily reach the bathroom, and you didn’t have to ask anymore.

You pushed down the blankets, exposing your thinly covered body. You could of course wear anything you liked, but you chose a very soft sweatshirt and a high-end brand of boxer briefs. James allowed your binder when you needed it, but considering most days were spent lounging, sleeping, fucking... it wasn’t always nescasary or safe. Both you and him knew you were his sweet puppyboy.

You made your way to the bathroom and brushed your teeth, washed your face with cool water, and played around with your hair until it looked the way you wanted. You took a moment to stretch your legs and walked around the room, chain clinking quietly behind you. You paused at the record player, the bin beside it full of every album you had ever loved. You plucked out a well-loved old copy of something James had suggested to you, a collection of 20s swing music. You slid the record from its casing and were careful dropping the needle. You’d be devestated if you scratched the vinyl.

The music echoed gently off the old walls of your Cortez room, volume low but hauntingly soft as well. Your attention was only drawn from the instrumental by the lock on your door clicking open.

A small wiggle went through your body, as if you would wag your tail if you had it in. You knew who was behind the door, and despite it only having been a few hours, your heart was aching for him.

James stepped inside with a grin towards you. “Ah, you’re awakes already. I do hope I didn’t keep you waiting, pup.” He hummed, accent dripping thick like honey as he set his keys by the door where you couldn’t reach.

You shook your head, smiling big. “No, no not at all. I only got up a bit ago.”

He stepped forward and cupped your face, his hands heavy with the scent of washed-away iron. “Good. I’d hate for you to get impatient and do something brash.” He chuckled, planting a loving kiss on your forehead.

“I would never.” You teased in return, hands coming up to rest like paws against his chest.

He hummed quite fondly, brushing a hand through your hair and holding the back of your head in place. “Would my puppy like a morning treat? You have been oh so good lately, so patient while I work and slave away to keep you safe here.” He pressed his thumb into your lower lip, pulling it down to make you open your mouth for him.

You gave a slight groan as he controlled your movements. “P-Puppy would really like a treat, thank you, James...”

His eyes brightened when you used his name. He had instructed you to call him ‘master’ or ‘sir’ until you felt comfortable enough using his first name. This was a sign you truly did love the space, the life he had created just for you.

“Perfect. Be a good little thing, do just what I say. We’re going to try something new.” He purred, wrapping the chain coming from your neck around his hand.

Your heart lept as he led you back to your bed by your leash, the pressure of the collar on your throat enough to get you damp between the legs. He laid down on the bed fully, popping open the button on his trousers and undoing the zip painfully slow.

“Slide down your boxers, pup. Then you’re going to sit here.” He smirked and pointed to his own face.

Your face slowly flushed a deep shade of red as you nodded eagerly. You hooked your fingers into your boxers and pushed down down your thighs and to the ground. By the time you stepped out of them, James was holding his mostly limp cock in his own hand, eyes focused between your legs.

“Good dog.” He praised, rubbing his thumb along his shaft as his free hand gave your leash a firm tug. “Come here now, sweet boy.”

You gave a soft whimper when pulled forth so harshly, not that you didn’t like it. You walked close to him and climbed onto the bed, shifting to straddle your legs on either side of his head. He purred low and predatory as you laid down atop his body comfortably.

“So well behaved, so pretty.” He hummed, both hands moving to cup your ass and squeeze. “Take your time pup, but I expect you to take the whole thing if you want to be good.” His thumbs dipped into your folds, spreading them apart.

You could feel his breath on your hot, drippy entrance. “Y-Yes James, I wanna be good.” You mumbled out as your own hands moved to wrap around his thick cock.

He grunted and rubbed a finger agaisnt your tight little hole, lips pressing to your cheek affectionately. “Good boy, good pup.” He muttered as he rocked his hips up into your hands.

You opened up your mouth and ran your tongue along his slit, taking the head of his dick in your mouth and sucking gently. You wanted to start slow, really give James a show. You wiggled your butt in front of his face, only to feel his fingers dig harshly into the pudgy skin there to keep you still.

He pressed his face in more suddenly than you expected.

The wet tongue rubbed back and forth along your folds, slit, and tiny cock. He held your hips and ass tightly, kneading the muscle to keep you relaxed. He breathed heavy through his nose so his mouth could stay busy.

You moaned softly as you worked on starting to bob your head down further around his dick. You took in the first inch of six, tongue rubbing each vein as your eyes fluttered closed. You almost wished you could witness this from the third person, watch yourself getting tongue fucked with a cock down your throat.

James muttered muffled praise as you sucked him off so well, but was clearly busy with his own task. His thumbs slipped back down and both pushed inside of you before pulling outward. He spread you open like it was nothing. He growled loud at the sight of your soaking entrance. “That’s it, so perfect for me little puppy. You’re always perfect.” He moaned before spitting inside of you.

You whimpered loud as you tried to clench closed, with no luck of course thanks to his hands keeping you on display. You pushed down the next two inches of his dick, swallowing around him as you tried to suppress the gag you felt coming. You managed to do so, tongue swirling around his shaft slowly.

The noises James made were feral, animalistic. He was a very composed man until it came to you. His tongue plunged inside quick and he let you finally tense around the intrusion. He ran the wet muscle around every ridge and wall inside you, fucking it back and forth without warning or time to adjust.

The cry that left you was so weak but barely audible with the shaft so far in your mouth. You quickened you’re movements in an attempt to take him in all the way each time. You managed to bury your nose all the way down to his balls just as his tongue was pushing flush to your cervix. You had no idea how he got that far in, but it made your eyes roll back into your head.

His own growl was brutal and threatening as the thrusts of his tongue became almost violent. A strong hand slipped down to your belly, fingertips clawing down your happy trail to your sweet little cock. He pressed two slick covered fingers to it and rubbed in the way he knew would drive you crazy.

The sounds that filled the room were obscene.

James was teetering on the edge as he yanked your chain harshly, pulling you off his cock entirely. He pulled from your folds only to bite down hard on your cheek, growling loud. “Hands.” He commanded flatly.

Both your hands wrapped around his now soaked cock. Pre-cum and spit mixing together as they slid down all over him. You pumped fast and eager, mouth softly open and eyes winced closed as you knew how he wanted to finish.

However, you were his priority. You would be allowed to climax first, always.

His tongue flicked and moved back inside of you as his digits stroked your dick frantically. He grunted and groaned inside of you, vibrations reaching every inch of your wet walls. He swallowed down all the slick you granted him.

Orgasm hit you like a freight train.

You cried out weakly as your hips shuttered and bucked forward. Your slick cum slid all along his tongue and down to his face. Your movements on his cock got sloppy, but he loved it.

He came hard, thick white cum splattering over your mouth and face. He throbbed in your hands, twitching until you rubbed out the last drop. His dick slowly softened in your grasp as you planted heavy and shaky.

James slowly removed his tongue, his own breath labored as he chuckled low. He kissed your poor reddened folds and licked a long strip over them. He swallowed and licked clean all of your cum he could before his hands moved to your sides. He flipped you down on your back and sat up, leaning over you. He grabbed your chin harshly, tilting your head around to observe how his jizz dripped along your features.

He smiled as he watched you lick your lips clean and grin so shyly up at him. He leaned down and ran his tongue over your jaw and up your cheekbone, swallowing down some of his own cum. “What a good puppy you are. Well behaved, good listener. My good pup...” he purred sweetly, rubbing a hand back through your hair to massage your scalp. “How are you feeling?”

You hummed lazily and soft, hands reaching up to cup his face. “So good. Thank you, thank you so much, James.” You mumbled out with a weak, crackling voice.

He laughed softly and kissed your lips, salty cum in both your mouths. Neither of you cared. “I’ll clean you up, lay here for me. Be good.” He said a bit sternly as he got up and walked to the bathroom, plucking his trousers from the floor as he did.

When he came back he looked much cleaner than you. He must have washed up, rinsed his mouth and hands, put his trousers back on. He had a cool rag in his hand as he sat beside you, nudging your legs open. “You took your treat very well, just like a good pup should.” He praised as he wiped away the cum first from your face, and then your cock. “I can’t stay long today, will you be alright alone?”

“Mmhm, I’ll be fine.” You muttered with a light tone in your voice. “Was I good..?” You asked, even though you knew the answer.

He laughed softly and laid beside you once you were clean, rag set aside for now. He cupped your face and brought you in for a gentle kiss. “You were very good little puppy, so good. You know that, don’t you?”

You giggled tiredly and nodded. “I know m’a good puppy. Your good puppy.” You pressed a finger to James’ nose, effectively booping him.

He couldn’t help but grin wide when you did that. He grabbed your wrist and kissed your palm. “Of course you know.” He kissed up each finger. “Take a nap, sweet thing. I’ll have one of the staff bring you something for breakfast.”

You snickered a little, grinning big. “I already had breakfast.”

James rolled his eyes but kept his smile as he buried his face against the space just above your collar. “You are awful my darling.” He said with a slight growl as he nipped your skin.

You squealed dramatically when bitten but didn’t stop smiling. “Mean!”

He laughed and you found yourself doing the same. He pressed your heads together, laying with you for as long as he could until his responsibilities called him away from your side.

He would be back soon enough, with more treats for his little puppy.

[marvelship-oneshots]

EMERGENCY WEDDING 1 (WINTERIRON)

PART 1 OF 2 AU where Tony and Bucky get married in order not to be forced t testify against each other in court (part 1 of 2) [2.5k words]

Bucky's brain was numb. He was walking in the rain, with no destination, looking at the blood being washed from his hands by the rain. How could something like that happen? How could they think he could do something like that? He couldn't wrap his mind around the fact that his best friend was gone and never coming back. The thought of having literally his blood all over his body made his sick to his stomach, but for some reason he couldn't bring himself to react. He saw his body laying in a puddle of his own blood on the floor of his apartment and he didn't scream, he didn't cry, his brain just shut down. He had no memories of what he did from that moment to the moment he heard the sirens coming for him. Then, he ran until he was far enough from the city. Now, he didn't know where he was, but the police was not following him anymore, that was good. Eventually, he stopped running and started walking along the desert highway, despite the rain falling down on him. Bucky had no idea of what he would do after, nor of where he was going.

Tony needed a break. His life in the city was becoming overwhelming and he just needed to pull the plug for a while. So he hopped in his car and started driving without a destination. AC/DC was playing in the car at full blast while Tony drove down the highway. His mind was focused only on the song, the road was silent and empty. Somehow, driving in the rain, singing whatever song was blasting, in the dark of the night, had always relaxed him. He could barely see the road in front of him and he knew that he should pay more attention to what he was doing, but against his better judgment, he kept focusing on his own thoughts. It couldn't do any good, and he knew it. He was not looking at the road when something, or rather someone, crossed right i front of his car. He didn't see it coming and he didn't stop, basically running over it. He thought it was some kind of wild animal, a deer maybe, but he never would expect to find a full grown man laying on the street. Bucky didn't know why he crossed the road as soon as he heard a car passing by. He just did it. No wonder why he car ran over him. Sony stopped the car and ran out, hoping he ran over a animal and not a person. Bucky was laying on the road, bruised and exhausted. He thought he could die right there, after all, no one would have missed him, every single police officer thought he was a serial killer. Maybe, that was the only way to get out of that situation. Tony kneeled by Bucky's side, bending over him to check if he was still breathing. He was. However, he was covered in blood. "C'mon buddy, wake up, don't die on me" Tony shook him, trying to wake him up. Bucky finally opened his eyes and let out a growl. Tony sighed in relief. "C'mon let me take you to the hospital" said Tony, helping the strange man getting up. He was massive compared to Tony, he wasn't more than two inches taller than him, but he had very board shoulders that made him looked like a giant compared to Tony's figure. Tony helped him getting in the car. "No, no hospital, literally anywhere else, possibly out of the state" Tony sighed, sitting behind the wheel and turning the music back on. They drove in silence, well, Bucky was silent, Tony was humming along the songs, and stopped only when they found a motel. Tony booked a room for the two of them, he didn't want to leave him alone, he was possibly injured. Little did they know, that was the beginning of an amazingly crazy adventure. Bucky settled in the room and went to take a shower. Tony went out to grab something to eat and medical supplies. If Bucky didn't want to go to the hospital, he would bring the hospital to him. Bucky let his t-shirt fall on the ground. His whole body as covered in dry blood. He honestly didn't know if it was his or Steve's. He couldn't stare at himself in the mirror. Bucky slowly walked into the shower and let the shower run over him, washing away the blood. He leaned against the wall, letting himself fall on the floor. He took his hand into his head and finally let himself go. The only reason he knew he was crying was the salty taste of the tears falling in his mouth.

When Tony came back, Bucky was sitting on the bed, blankly looking at the wall in front of him. "Hey man, I bought you a cheeseburger" Tony said, sitting down next to him and handing him a burger. Bucky nodded and started to slowly unwrap it.  "By the way, I'm Tony" he introduced himself, reaching out for him. "James, but friends call me Bucky" Steve was the one to give him his nickname. He smiled at the memory and a single tear fell on his face. "I'm...uhm I'm sorry I ran over you" Bucky shook his shoulders. "I crossed the road, jumping in front of your car" "Are you hurt? I saw a lot of blood" Tony asked concerned. "No, I'm fine" Tony scoffed and turned n the TV. The news were on. Tony looked at the TV then at Bucky and then back at the TV. "Uhm, Bucky, why is your face on the news?"  "What?" Bucky turned towards Tony, took the remote and turned the volume up. "Shit shit shit fuck" On the screen there was Bucky's picture with a gigantic red WANTED written under it. "Care to explain what that is about?" "It's not what it looks like, I swear" "Oh I see, so you're face is not on the national TV and you are not wanted for murder" "No" Tony raised his eyebrow "Well yes, but also no" "Are you going to kill me?" "What? NO!" Tony let out a loud sigh. "Ok, now that I can relax, explain" "I've been framed for a series of murders, including my best friend's" Bucky sat on Tony's bed and Tony scooted closer to him, putting a hand on his thigh. "I'm immensely sorry" Bucky looked at Tony with a mall smile. "It's ok" "What's gonna happen now?" Tony asked "I mean, you are running from the police and I helped you, so this makes me an accessory to the crime. What's gonna happen now? Are we going to live on the run?" Bucky chuckled. "I'm sorry I put you in this position. And I don't know how we're going to get out of this" Tony lightly smiled and walked out of the room, coming back a few minutes later with a bottle of whiskey. He poured some in two glasses and passed one to Bucky. "Ok, first thing first, gimme your credit card and SIM card. We'll leave here here, from now on only cash. we're going to move every couple of days, with disguises." Bucky sipped on his whiskey, looking at Tony in awe. "Then, we have to understand who is trying to frame you. Suspects, leads whatever pops in your mind, you write them here" Tony said slapping a pack of sticky notes on the table. "Questions?" "Yes" Bucky smiled "Why do you have sticky notes laying around?" Tony laughed, tucking himself into the bed. "Seriously though, thank you, you don't have to do this. No one knows that you helped me" "Oh please stop it, we're in this together. Now go to sleep, we're leaving early tomorrow" Bucky chuckled. "Yessir" _____________________________________________________________________ "Ok, so we have a bunch of suspects that are totally unchained from each other. This means we have no lead" Bucky nodded, looking at the binder full of colourful sticky notes he and Tony had composed in the past weeks. Bucky threw himself on the bed, covering his face with his hands. "We're screwed" The TV was on on the news, now next to Bucky's face there was Tony's. "Every single piece of evidence they have is against me and once they get to us they will offer you plea deal to turn on me because let's admit it, I dragged you into this and you have no reason at all" Bucky caved into his pillow. "Then I'll be double screwed" Tony rolled his eyes and walked over to Bucky's bed, sitting next to him and started stroking his hair. "Buck, I might have an idea" Bucky looked up. "We're in this mess together and together we're getting out. See, I have a little bit of law training and there is this thing that will ensure that we're not forced to turn on each other" "And why didn't you say it sooner?" Bucky asked sitting up. "Yeah right. It's called spouse privilege. Essentially, if we're married, no one can force me to turn on you and vice versa" Bucky jumped up and started pacing up and down the room, in silence, with his hands in is hair. He slowly walked over to Tony and kneeled in front

of him. "Tony, will you marry me?" he asked taking one of his hands. Tony started laughing."Yes, yes I will Buckaroo" Bucky sat on the bed ad let himself fall on his back. Tony laid next to him . "Are we really doing this?" Bucky asked. "You'll have to break up with me, because now I am your fiancé" The two laughed. "You would have liked him" said Bucky after a moment of silence. Tony turned his head to look at Bucky. "Steve. You would have liked Steve" Tony nodded. "He was my best friend in the whole world, how could they think I've killed him? Why would I have killed my best friend?" Bucky started sobbing loudly in Tony's chest. Tony gently stroke his long hair until Bucky fell asleep, snuggled against him.

Bucky and Tony pulled out their best clothes - jeans and a white shirt- and pulled up at the docks. There the officiant who was supposed to marry them was waiting for them in front of his boat. Tony had found him on the internet the night before and had booked a wedding. Tony squeezed Bucky's hand before walking up to the man, giving him a reassuring glaze. "Do you, James Buchanan Barnes, take Anthony Edward Stark as your lawfully wedded husband?" Bucky looked at Tony in the eyes. Tony nodded. "I do" he said, moving Tony's ring from his index to his ring finger. "Do you, Anthony Edward Stark, take James Buchanan Barnes as your lawfully wedded husband?" "I do" he said smiling, putting the ring on Bucky's finger. "By the power vested in me by the State of Missouri, I now pronounce you husband and husband" Tony took Bucky's hand, gently squeezing it as the officiant handed then the marriage certificate. Tony left the man the cash they agreed on and the newly weds ran to their car. Tony started driving, smiling at the road. "Are you ok?" he asked Bucky. "This is weird, right? We barely know each other and we got married" Tony chuckled. "It's like you've never heard of an arranged marriage" Bucky gently hit Tony's shoulder. "This is nothing like an arranged marriage and you know it"

They had been driving for the whole morning, making hypothesis on new leads, unfortunately running in circles. "If we turn ourselves in, or let them find us, maybe we'll be able to have more resources and actually get something done" "You want them to catch us?" Tony nodded. "You're out of your mind. I would be risking death row here" Tony shook his head. "No you wouldn't. You supposedly committed the crimes in New York, we will be judged there, so no death penalty for you." "Are you sure? It can go extremely wrong, at least now we're...free" Tony pulled over by the side of the road. "We don't have the resources here to sort this out, if they catch us, maybe we can have a shot" "What if we don't?" Tony shook his head and made a hand gesture meaning that it was not the time to be pessimistic. "It's prison Tony" "Buck, you're my husband now, you're basically a Stark. My father's name still holds a certain power" Bucky looked at him. "Ok, we're doing this" Tony took out his phone, put in the sim card he had been saving and dialed Pepper's number. "Tony...WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU?" Pepper screamed as soon as sh picked up. Bucky could hear her even if she wasn't on speaker. "Pep, I'm in a huge fucking mess" "Yeah, I know. You have some explaining to do" "Yes, I know, but now is not the time. Get the lawyers ready" A few minutes after Tony closed the call, they heard the police sirens behind them. Tony and Bucky looked at each other, smiling. Tony pressed on the gas pedal, exceeding the speed limit. "You know the phrase forget and it will go away? Well, it does NOT apply to being chased by police cars, trust me on this one" Tony said laughing, turning he volume up. Tony looked at Bucky. He looked scared. Tony held his hand, bringing it to his mouth ad leaving a small kiss on the top of it. "I'm on the highway to hell" Tony started singing along the AC/DC song that was blasting. "On the highway to hell" Bucky started singing along. When the song was over, Tony and Bucky looked at each other and Tony pulled over. The police cars stopped behind them. "Come out of the car, hands where I can see them" Tony and Bucky opened the door, slowly stepping out of the car, with their hands behind their heads. "You're under arrest, You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can be used against you in court. You have the right to talk to a lawyer for advice before we ask you any questions. You have the right to have a lawyer with you during questioning. If you cannot afford a lawyer, one will be appointed for you before any questioning if you wish. If you decide to answer questions now without a lawyer present, you have the right to stop answering at any time." the officers declared, while closing the handcuffs around Tony and Bucky's wrists. The officers pushed them into the car ad drove them to the closest police station, waiting to be escorted to New York. Tony took Bucky's hand. "It's going to be ok, i promise"

[aka-ashi-keiji]

Shinsou’s Safe Place ☔️

( this is a headcanon based on an oc designed by @kiyozichan on tiktok, shes awesome and her content makes me super happy! she gave me permission to use her oc for a this headcanon. go follow her for Haikyuu and My Hero Academia content!!! First is an overview of the oc and then we’ll get into the headcanon. enjoy lovies )

Kiyozi kai (aizawa’s adopted daughter) (shinsou’s gf) 

quirk: magnification through whistle and transfer whistle to head (causes victim to pass out)  

drawback: extreme drowsiness that can lead to sleep induced comas

costume: black  pants w dark wine red belt buckle , black shirt, dark wine red  thigh harnesses, aizawa’s binders,dark wine red ballet shoes, forest green fingerless gloves. 

Physical features: aizawa hair w/ platinum highlights, cut above shoulders

personality: introverted mainly, until she gets comfortable. Closed off because of trauma, very good at comebacks, especially with bakugou. Connects to shoto through quietness, good friends with deku. Part of bakusquad, not as loud as them but eventually gets to their level. 

Plot: Shinsou’s reaction after she falls into a really deep sleep because she over used her quirk. 

****************************************************

(Outside Pov)

- Kai has been going at this for hours, literal hours. 

- Her breath was uneven and rigid in a sense, she could feel her chest shake as she breathed in through her mouth

- lips cracked from the use of her quirk, Aizawa could see she was nearing her end. But  he knew she needed to do this. 

- Today class 1-A was given the gym to develop ultimate moves. however, kai’s quirk being slightly physical but mostly mental, she had struggled all throughout the training course. 

- The rest of the students had been sat  outside to wait for Aizawa and Kai. Aizawa thought maybe being by herself would allow her to unleash the power she had felt she needed to hold back. 

- He watched carefully as she brought her left leg back, and planted the right hard into the ground.

- Kai’s hands came up to a fighting stance and curled in her pinky and ring fingers, leaving her hands in gun shapes. 

- she focuses on the air flow around her and how it enters her own oxygen supply. 

- She feels every molecule enter her system and leave with a single breath. 

- Kai breathes deep into the bottom of her diaphragm, one last breath before she pushes her quirk to the very limit just to get this ultimate move. Just once. 

-  She feels that air flow start to increase into her lungs, and her whistle starts at a pitch so low, she can barely hear it. 

- Kiyozi can make objects float towards her with her whistle by going from a high pitch, to a low pitch. And she can make things repel from her doing vice versa. 

- She slowly works up her whistles pitch to an frequency that she can now hear, and so could aizawa. It was close to an uncomfortable ring, but it wasn’t anything unbearable. 

- Kai began to move her hands in circles to help he feel the air flow better, with this the frequency only increased. 

- Aizawa watched carefully, ready to stop her quirk if he saw any true signs she was at her end, and he could sense she was. But, he still waited. 

- The way Kiyozi’s ultimate move works is that she bring her whistle up to half her power then drops to the lowest frequency to draw air towards her. But, after she instantly brings her whistle back up to it’s highest frequency which causes the air to be propelled away from her. This causes a form of hurricane. 

- Kiyozi had reached half her maximum power, and she could see her hands start to shake, and her flow of air started to waver. 

- Drowsiness was starting to fog her brain. 

- she knew that if she pushed any harder, her quirk would get pushed over the edge. Aizawa knew this as well. 

- She had to do this, she had to. She was so close to mastering it, and there was no way she was going to let the rest of the class get ahead. 

- she quietly damned herself for being one of the only hero students with a mental quirk. 

- Kai lowered her whistle quickly, but kept the stream of air steady. It was right there, she could feel it.

- Right as she started to raise the frequency, she heard her dad’s voice scream through the intercom

- “Kai stop! You’re at your end!” Aizawa screamed

- he didn’t activate his quirk fast enough as you unleashed the hurricane from your lips and blew over the towering rock formation within the arena. 

- Once it had stopped, Kiyozi felt the darkness engulf her vision and her body. 

- Last thing she remembers is seeing aizawa running towards in what seems like slow motion as a could of smoke clouds her vision.

{ time skip like 10 minutes lmao }

- aizawa had rushed down to the arena and lifted kiyozi into his arms.

- he carefully examined her as he rushed her out of the arena, towards the rest of the students outside.

- he noticed blood dripping from her head, that wasn’t good at all. especially since she was asleep, that was a sign of a concussion.

- he came outside and all of 1-a stopped their rough housing to try and comprehend the situation.

- shinsou was the first to rush over and take her from aizawa’s arms.

- “what the hell happened! you said you wouldn’t let her get to this point!” he spoke roughly, but still trying to keep his composure in fear of getting expelled for disrespecting a teacher.

- bakugou was the next to move, he was her best friend after all. katsuki would never admit it, but seeing her hurt and lifeless like that crushed his soul.

- he made his way over to the three of them with fire raging through his eyes, down his arms and into his hands.

- he tried to get closer to kai to see her, but shinsou stepped back far enough to keep her out of reach.

- “what the fuck bushy hair?!!! let me see her”

- “you’ll just hurt her more, you’re steaming bakugou”

- “i don’t give a shit, i need to make sure she’s fucking alive”

- at this point bakugou was ready to blast shinsou’s head clean off his shoulders, that was until aizawa stepped between them.

- “bakugou, i can assure you she’s fine. she has a head injury but other than that this is just a minor coma. this is her drawback from overusing her quirk. however, it would be nice for you two to stop yelling so we can get her proper medical help” aizawa said this all with his voice low and unbothered.

- however, if you listened closely, you could hear his voice shake in the slightest bit.

- bakugou grumbled and slowly backed up so aizawa could lead shinsou with kiyozi back to the main building.

- aizawa was walking faster than usual and shinsou was having a hard time carrying kai as she was entirely limp in his arms.

- he watched as her head lolled against his chest, he noticed how lifeless she truly looked.

- this was the first time shinsou had seen kai use her quirk far enough to put her out of commission. it scared the living shit out of him seeing her like this.

- kiyozi and shinsou had been dating for around 3 months now. no one knew except for aizawa.

- everyone just assumed you guys were close because aizawa trained shinsou separately, and aizawa was your dad.

- shinsou, kai, and aizawa hurried into recovery girls office and shinsou gently placed her down on the table.

- recovery girl slowly made her way in and asked for the full story.

- shinsou was usually good at handling his nerves, but as aizawa explained what happened during training. he couldn’t get his hands to stop shaking.

- he heard the sound of what would have been kissing and turned to see recovery girl healing kiyozi’s head

- “she has minor cuts along her head but no internal damage, her quirk drawback will continue as usual. she should be awake in a few hours. watch her closely though, you guys know how those mental quirks can be” recovery girl said as she helped aizawa lift her carefully over his shoulder.

- they walked out and around the building aizawa’s car. he carefully placed kiyozi across the backseat as shinsou took the front.

- aizawa got behind the wheel and started to back out and headed towards his house.

- shinsou’s leg was shaking purfusely, he tried to ease it by watching the trees pass behind them as they drove.

- aizawa reached over a placed a hand on his shoulder, gentle but there. just letting his student know he’s there.

- “she’s gonna be alright. i’ve seen it worse than this. i know this is new to you but i assure you she will come to soon” shinsou just nodded his head, but at that his leg has calmed a bit.

- the rest of the ride was filled with silence and shinsou craning his neck to see kai sprawled across the back seat, face still holding that lifeless expression.

-they arrived at aizawa’s house and he asked shinsou to carry her inside, which shinsou gladly did

- he slid her out the car and back into his arms. he kicked the car door shut and held her under her thighs as her upper half rested against his chest and shoulders.

- he leaned forward and pressed a kiss into kai’s shoulder and whispered

- “you gotta be alright flower, i’ll make sure of it”

{ timeskip 5 hours }

- kai woke with a gasp and grunt escaping her. she’s had sleep apnea since she was a child along with insomnia. (father like daughter)

- but, sleep apnea causes a person to stop breathing in their sleep. so when kiyozi does, her nervous system wakes her and she gasps for air when she does come to.

- she scanned her surroundings, trying to figure where the hell she was and how she got there.

- kiyozi’s vision was still incredibly fuzzy so details about where she was were barely visible

- she kicked off her blanket and noticed she wasn’t in hero costume anymore, but back in the shirt she wore to bed the night before.

- kai heard running down the hall and expected to see her dad, but then she remembered he wouldn’t run inside of the house.

- the door creeks open and shinsou’s head pops in, looking more timid than anyone would’ve expected.

- “shinsou! what are you doing here? it’s like 8pm” kai exclaimed as she tried to cover her lower half back up, the thought dawning on her that she wasn’t wearing pants

- “ oh right, i should’ve knocked. i’m sorry zi, i can go get your dad instead. he’s asleep on the couch” shinsou said as he entered her room, but kept close to the door frame.

- kiyozi put her hands up and waved them in time with shaking her head. “no it’s okay i promise, come in. i need catching up on everything, my memory is a little foggy”

- she laughed as she said it, but shinsou’s expression as he sat beside her gave it away that it wasn’t a laughing matter.

- kiyozi laid her head on shinsou’s strong shoulder, the stray pieces of purple hair tickling her cheek.

- shinsou let out a long shakey sigh that made kai look up at him, except when she did her heart broke.

- a single year rolled down his face and he reached over to hold her hand.

- kiyozi sat up and looked directly at his side profile, waiting for him to follow her actions.

- “shinsou, hun are you okay? did i say something wrong?”

- shinsou shook his head and turned to face you.

- shinsou wasn’t the biggest fan of physical contact, even if kai was his girlfriend. they would occasionally hug and steal a kiss from each other but other than that it was just some hand holding. nothing too clingy.

- so when he turned and grabbed the sides of kai’s face and pressed her to his chest, she was so surprised she had to hold her breath to keep her from gasping.

- she felt his chest shake as he let another broken cry, kissing the top of her head over and over, muttering something kai couldn’t exactly hear.

- she tried to pull away to hug him properly but he shook his head hard and pushed her head farther into his chest.

- it took time, but kai finally understood why shinsou was so upset. he was scared she was going to leave.

- kiyozi took his hand from her head and wrapped his arms around her waist, she then took his head pressed it to her chest. right where her heart was so that he could hear that she was still there.

- when they finally both stilled, shinsou let out the loudest and most broken sob kai had every heard.

- she brushed her fingers through his hair as she shushed him.

- he squeezed her tighter as he spoke into her shirt.

- “i- i thought you were going to be gone, i thought you were gonna leave me for good. i didn’t think i would ever get to hold you like this again. i can’t lose you zi, i really can’t. i can’t lose the one person that actually made me feel worthy of being here.”

- zi took her hands and placed them on his shoulders as he pulled away to look her in the eyes, his eyes pink and puffy.

- “i’m not gonna leave you, id never do anything that would put us in a situation to be separated forever. my dad wouldn’t let that happen. he’s there to make sure i don’t get to this point during real fights. i promised you i’d be here forever, and i meant it.”

- kai took her hand and placed it on shinsou’s cheek.

- “sweetheart, you don’t ever have to worry about me walking out. i’m here for good. i’m here for you, forever”

- and with that being said, kai leaned forward and connected her lips to his gently.

- shinsou leaned into the kiss, trying to burn the feeling of it into his brain. he’d never say this to her out loud, but her kisses melted him down to the core.

- when they pulled away, shinsou hugged around kais shoudlers and she hugged his waist, burying her face into the scent of his shirt.

- ‘he smells like my house’ she thought.

- but then again. shinsou always did to her. because he was zi’s forever home.

************************************************

[ this was rough but i tried my hardest, i hope you liked it zi! you are one of my greatest forms of comedic relief and i love you, thank you so much❤️ ]

@yamshoe