#and now 12 hours before the exam I have studied nothing.

[inconmess]

I have an exam in 12 hours and all I can think about is Critical Role and the latest episode and the Grimms. Help. Haven't studied a single word and it is a bio exam *shrivels up*

And knowing me, I have an exam on Friday afternoon and the episode airs on Friday morning so I will probably prioritise the episode? and not the exam? Someone knock some sense and/or motivation into me??

[babyur2nice]

▎night walks with felix

౨ৎ synopsis: you’re stressed out from exams and decide to pay felix a visit.

—————————————————————————

you sigh, tears blurring your vision as you struggle through another problem on your economics homework. no matter how much effort you put in, you can’t seem to make any progress in understanding the material. having been working for the past six hours, you’re also exhausted. with the exam just two days away you’ve scarcely allowed yourself a break to eat, decisions that are now catching up to you as you struggle to focus.

after 10 minutes, you can’t take it anymore. it’s late and you know your body won’t allow you to study anymore, yet you still feel guilty giving in. you close you textbook, the tears starting flow as the stress overtakes your body.

your brain almost immediately jumps to your boyfriend felix, wishing he was there to hold you and tell you that everything would be alright. you glance down at your alarm clock on your desk. 12:37, it reads. you sit with your head in your hands trying to decide whether he’d be awake.

against your better judgement, you take the all too familiar walk downstairs to felix’s room and knock softly on his door, not wanting to wake him if he was asleep. you don’t hear anything at first and then you hear rustling and a moment later the door cracks open revealing felix, in nothing more than his blue and white striped pajama pants rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

he looks at you and your puffy eyes, face shifting quickly to express a look of concern. “what’s happened, what’s wrong” he asks, pulling you inside and shutting the door.

“it’s stupid, shouldn’t have woken you up, ‘m sorry” you sniffle, the tears flowing all over again at the fact that you had disturbed his sleep.

“no no, none of that doll” felix says taking your face in his hands, “its not stupid if it’s making you upset, tell me what’s wrong so i can make it better”

another sob shakes your body as felix cringes, hating seeing you in pain, and pulls you into his chest. he places his hand on the back of your head petting your hair gently as you tell him about your exam and the stress you’ve been feeling.

he listens exceptionally well, not interrupting you once as he holds you against his body, letting you expel your frustrations. “im sorry doll” he says when you finish. “im glad you came to me, you needed a break”

you nod against his chest, as you slowly catch your breath.

“let’s go for a walk yeah?” felix asks. “always helps me clear my head”

“don’t you want to go back to sleep?” you ask, guilt once again taking over as you remember that he had been fast asleep prior to your arrival.

“nonsense” he says kissing the top of your head. “im already up, why waste a perfectly good night? here.” he says as he pulls two sweaters out of his closet passing one to you. “put this on, don’t want you to catch a cold out there”

you smile at him gratefully as you pull the sweater over your head. once it’s on, felix reaches down to brush a loose strand of hair out of your eyes. “so pretty” he mumbles almost to himself before taking your hand in his and leading you out of the dorm and into the refreshingly cool night.

“where are we going” you ask.

felix looks down at you with a smile. “somewhere amazing” he says. he leads you across campus and into town, all the while telling jokes and stories meant to lighten your spirit.

“just a bit farther now doll” he grins as he leads you down an alley way. “we’re going to need to climb, can you do that for me?”

you nod and felix smiles at you in return “good girl.”

he beckons you towards the side of a building and the ladder attached to it. “just up here, follow me” he says as he begins to scale the ladder. he reaches the top quickly and helps pull you up after him.

you stand up and look around, letting out a little gasp. you can see everything from up here; your dorm, the pub, the library, the lake and most impressively, the moon.

felix walks up behind you, wrapping his arms around you. “it’s beautiful right? i discovered it last year and have been coming here ever since”

“it’s amazing” you say.

“you’re the first person i’ve ever brought up here” he admits. “it was mine but i suppose it’s ours now” he grins while sitting down.

you sit down next to him, leaning your head on his shoulder as he continues. “seeing everything from up here always reminds me how small i am, how small my problems are”

he wraps his arm around you, rubbing circles on your back. “you could fail your exam and none of this would change. everything would still be here, we’d both still be here, and i’d still love you. i know you won’t fail of course” he adds with a chuckle.

“felix, thank you” you say, struggling to find words to express just how much he means to you.

“glad i could help doll” he says. “i love you so much, and i promise i’ll help you study tomorrow, yeah?”

you hum in agreement as you press your body closer to felix’s as the two of you look across the town shrouded in moonlight, both knowing that this rooftop would become a sacred space for the both of you.

[lostdreamr-blog1]

I'm Proud of You, Darlin

A/N: I have a huge nursing exam tomorrow morning and the anxiety is getting to me…Passing means I graduate and failing is not an option. So, of course I took to writing. Hopefully this will help you some if you ever need it!! My inbox is always open for you all!

Word Count: 1.4k

Pairings: Jake Seresin x Reader

Warnings: mentions of anxiety, lots and lots of fluff

To say today was a big day was an understatement. You had your state board exam in less than three hours and passing that meant you could finally put all things school behind you. The countless hours you spent studying would pay off and this anxiety that has been nearly crippling these last few weeks would disappear. You would be a fully functioning adult with your big girl job, and nothing could bring you down.

You just had to pass first.

Jake had been the absolute best when it came to calming you down and helping you get through this. There would be days where he would come home, tired as he could be, and still made sure you were okay. Some days you had everything figured out and your positive attitude would shine through you.

But there was days Jake found you crying in the bathroom, drowning your worries in a bottle of liquor, and he knew you needed extra attention. If he was off the next day, it would be easy to talk him into joining you in your drinking pity party. Drunk Jake was a fun Jake. But most days he would pick you up off the floor, get you into bed, and stay with you until he had to leave for work the next morning.

He was your rock and there was zero way you would have made it to this point without him. You heard the jabs and jokes that went around about how your boyfriend wasn’t the best wingman. Or the ever so lovely nickname “Bagman” that seemed to follow him from his time at Top Gun.

But with you he was different. How many guys would push their body to the limit training, putting in 12 plus hour days, and then come home to take care of girlfriend? He could have easily said he was tired and head to bed, leaving you to deal with the anxiety that was tearing you apart. But he didn’t and you wish others could see that.

You had to leave in an hour, but the second you walked out that door, you knew you would be a mess. While Jake had been here every step of the way, he had to leave early this morning for training, and it left you alone with your thoughts. In no way could you be upset with him, you just wished he was here to calm you down one last time.

Hell, if you could take him into the test with you, you would be golden. Another irrational thought to add to the bank.

As you got out of bed and headed to the kitchen to make some coffee, a note on the fridge caught your eye.

You are going to kill this test, Darlin. I have all the faith in the world you will pass no problem. Take a deep breath and believe in yourself as much as I do.

-J

The note made you feel a little lighter as you continued to get ready. You had laid out your lucky sweatshirt, with “Hangman” written on the back. You stole it from your blonde -haired boyfriend a year ago and told him he would never get it back. The simple response of “it looks better on you anyway” sealed the deal. You’ve worn for luck ever since.

When you put it on, you stopped and smiled. The man had managed to provide you comfort again and sprayed his cologne on it. You pulled it up to your nose and took in a deep breath. It was the safety blanket you needed to be able to walk out the door in one put together piece.

After you finished getting ready, you tried to call Jake on the way out. While you were proud of yourself for making it to the car, backing out of the driveway had the anxiety hitting you with full force. Hearing his voice was the one thing you needed right now to calm down before you reached a panic level. You were met with voicemail and tossed your phone to the passenger seat, not wanting to leave a message.

He was busy doing what he does best, and you had to respect that. Just because you couldn’t keep it together for more than five minutes doesn’t mean he needs to be by the phone every second in case you called. You had to pull it together.

Jake had one time told you when he got nervous or worried, he thought about you. He thought about how you turned him down that one night at the Hard Deck in front of all his fellow pilots, embarrassing the hell out of him. And how he proceeded to show you he was different than the rest of the guys in the military. While it took a few months, he eventually won you over.

He thought about the way your hand fits perfectly in his, almost like the two of you were made for each other. The way you laughed at all his jokes, even the cringy ones. Just to make him feel better.

He thought about how lucky he was to have you and love you every day for the rest of his life. It was those things that would calm him down, and you decided to take a page from his book.

On the drive there you thought back to the first night you two went on a date. You had told him you didn’t like things that drew attention to you. That you didn’t need a grand gesture for you to fall for him. Which led to a night in at his apartment, with homemade food that was to die for, and the first time you were able to see the real him.

He put up a front with his friends, making it seem like nothing could touch him. But behind closed doors, you saw how compassionate and caring this man could be. He was as selfless as they come, and you thanked the heavens every day for leading you to him.

You pulled up to the testing site and nearly ran out of your car when you saw Jake standing by the door. He was in his flight suit, clearly coming straight from base. When he saw you walking towards him, a genuine smile reserved only for you graced his face.

It didn’t take long for you to melt in his arms, taking in as much of him as you could. “What are you doing here? I thought you had training today?” With your head on his chest, you looked up at him for an answer.

“I couldn’t let my girl take this test without me being there. I went in early so I could get some time off this morning to see you in. I knew this would be a hard day for you.”

You closed your eyes and squeezed him some. “Thank you.” He squeezed back and kissed the top of your head. The two of you stood like that for another minute, before you stepped back. It was getting close to the time you had to be in there and you knew you couldn’t stay out here with him forever. No matter how bad you wanted to.

He placed a hand on your cheek and said, “You are going to pass this no problem. You are by far the smartest person I know and the only one standing in your way is you. I saw the work you put into this, and I promise you it will all pay off. Go in there and show this test how much of a badass you are.”

You took a few deep breaths and nodded your head. “I’ll call you when I’m done. Thank you for being here. You don’t realize how much this really helped.” He gave you one last smile and a quick kiss.

You went to walk away when his voice stopped you. “I’m proud of you, darlin.” And those were the words you would think back to anytime you get anxious.   

[impossiblesuitcase]

what are your fave jacinter hcs post revolution? :)

Here's one:

A few years after the revolution, Jacin starts medical school on Earth. That means a lot of time away from Winter, which he doesn't like, but he still has time to comm her during class and see her during the day. She stays local to his university, working with the Lunar embassy there in public relations.

They're both happy over that time. Jacin finally, finally starts to lose a bit of his grumpiness, his performative apathy, returning to the more openly emotional man she knew before he became a guard. Even their friends are surprised at this less abrasive version of him, but he still remains pleasantly snarky.

They want to get married, of course. Except he's being flogged by exams, and planning a wedding would take a lot of time and energy and he wants to give Winter the full attention and support she deserves. They agree to wait until there's a lull in his studies before that.

Then he starts his residency. He's working 12 hour shifts, with a 5 hour window for sleep, while still being on call. He gets breaks, sure, but he is flat out (Australian for busy). He sees Winter occasionally. Well, every day, but it's 5 minutes of a rushed meal and chatter and then he's off again. He hates it. She is generally frustrated by it. Still they both know it's where he should be right now, and he loves finally knowing how to help people, rather than just wishing he knew.

Six months in, Winter gets a comm while he's on a break:

Jacin: Winter, im sorry that im making you put up with this. you deserve to have the wedding that you dream of and a person who will be there for you always like i promised i would be. i dont deserve you.

Now another thing Jacin doesn't like--he isn't around to protect Winter. Sure, years have passed and she's more in control of her trauma and fears, but his peace of mind is never settled if she's not right next to him. So this residency period is hell for him. She spends a lot of time with their friends, sending him pics to assure him that she's with good company, regularly updating him on her wellbeing in what she calls 'sanity checks', a term he dislikes--"You're not insane."

So one day he's doing his final shift for the week when he receives this comm:

Winter: My darling Jacin. You mean everything to me. I need nothing more in life so long as you are in my arms, physically or in spirit. The walls bleed with you, my love, bleed water and diamonds and joy...

Walls. Bleeding?!

Jacin sprints out of the hospital. He tracks Winter's port, finding her just in the park on the next block. He's panting and stumbling when he finds her by the lake. She's donning a summery white dress, which on her rivals any vogue bride, and is holding a flower crown in her hands. She's decidedly not screaming or sobbing like the last time he saw her mention bleeding walls.

"Love?" he garbles out, racing up to her.

Winter gestures for him to slow down. Once in arm's reach, she plops the crown on his greasy, unbrushed hair and steadies his shoulders with her grip. "My darling Jacin. You mean everything to me. I need nothing more in life so long as you are in my arms, physically or in spirit," she repeats, in what is evidently a rehearsed speech.

"Bleeding walls?" he interrupts harshly.

"Hush." She pulls him into her arms. "Jacin, you are everything I deserve. I never want you to question that for a moment. Never let those clinical lights and smell of antiseptic confuse your senses into believing that I wouldn't want you, just the way you are."

There's more words spoken, from him and her, and his bewilderment and worry is still not supplanted with relief. Yes, she might assure him of this now, but he'll be back to endless shifts, and her patience will run out.

"I don't want to wait until things are calmer," she confesses, "because I love you with how things are now as much as I would at any other time." She pulls away and reaches up, adjusting his crown. "The crown has a purpose, you know. I bet you just thought I brought it because I'm crazy."

"You're not crazy."

She closes an eye. "You thought my message was crazy."

He's silent, because yes, he did.

"Once upon a time, I was a princess. So if I marry a boy, he becomes a prince. We aren't married yet, but I declare that we should make a promise first." She leans up and kisses him quickly. "There. That will suffice until the wedding. And this"--she gestures to the crown--"gives you your title."

"Title?"

"My prince. My knight and best friend. Until I change that to something else."

"Fiancé?"

"I was thinking husband."

He kisses her. Then he spends the next month in comms with his supervisor. He wrangles a 5-month break out of them, but he has to work 6 months first. During that time of work, he proposes, and now that he's more established in his residency, his hours drop. He does have time for wedding planning, and they wed the first week of that break. It's a busy few newlywed years, but it quiets down once he's out of his residency. He's still protective, yes, but he doesn't need to be by her side constantly anymore to be calm. He does not want to be known as a prince, even when Cinder and Kai joke that they'll make him one against his will.

He never protests when Winter calls him her prince.

[themorningsunshine]

Bad days

(Requested)

Pairing - Steve Rogers x f!reader

Summary - You were having a pathetic day and it couldn't get worse. Drowning in despair, you found comfort with a certain supersoldier.

Warnings - Depressing thoughts, Reader having a terrible day, Passing out 

Words - 2.7k

a/n - Requested by the lovely @caritobbg​​  (Thank you for the idea. I have tried my best. Hope you like it :) 

Some days were the worst. One thing after the another just kept going wrong and just when you thought it couldn't get worse, the universe had a sick way of proving you wrong.

It all started with that result. That damn result.

You had given everything you had to that exam. Studying till the verge of insanity. Going to work with 4 hours of sleep and an alarming amount of caffeine in your system. Studying for long hours constantly and just almost driving yourself crazy.

But it wasn't enough. It all amounted to nothing when you got your result. You had failed. You had failed an exam that you had lost hours of your sleep over. The exam for which you had put your health to risk and it still wasn't enough. Why couldn't it be enough? Why couldn't you be enough?

You had cried yourself to sleep that night. It was silly, really. You already had a job. Being an assistant to the avengers did pay well and you enjoyed it too but it was still heartbreaking to see all that effort go into vain.

The next morning, you woke up with a headache. The sharp pain in your head made you reach for the medicine cabinet in your drawer when the alarm clock on the bed side table caught your attention.

"Shit. Shit. Shit." You murmured as you practically jumped from the bed. Head throbbing with pain and a growling stomach reminding you that you had eaten nothing in the last 12 hours, both long forgotten as you realised you were going to be late. Extremely late.

You were going to be late and that too today, out of all days. Your boss and Tony Stark had both commented how important today's meeting was and they had trusted you with the reports. You had prepared them before time because you wanted everything to be perfect for this meeting. Of course everything had to go to shit the same morning.

Your cheeks still had the remains of the tears that you had cried last night and your eyes were swollen red. You knew you looked like shit but you didn't care.

You looked at your watch. You could still make it before the meeting got over if you walked directly to the meeting room at the compound. If this meant you had to go without a bite of food for some more hours, then so be it. You just wanted the meeting to go smoothly.

You had planned everything in your head. You could take the lift reserved for the people who worked for the avengers and head straight to the tenth floor where the meeting was being held.

With all these thoughts running in your head, you parked your car and walked straight into the compound, clutching the file to your chest. . You didn't realise where you were heading but with the speed with which you were rushing and the morning chaos in the compound, you should have but you realised it a little too late.

Without looking, you walked straight into somebody. The clash was not bad enough to throw you on the ground, but when you felt something wet on your shirt, you suddenly wished it had.

You didn't have to look to know that your shirt was drenched in coffee now. The words of the agent were proof enough.

"Ugh.." He whined. "Can you just look where you are going? Spilled my damn coffee."

You just apologized profusely as you picked up the file which had fallen down, thankfully with no sign of the impact.

After apologizing once more, you practically ran towards the elevator. It felt like a lifetime had passed till the elevator's doors finally opened and another till it reached the desired floor.

You looked at yourself in the mirror of the elevator for the first time since morning and you indeed looked like shit. But that's not what made you worried. The huge coffee stain on your shirt was more than clear now and you realised you couldn't go to the meeting in a shirt drenched in coffee.

Just as the elevator doors dinged open, you made a dash towards the floor's bathroom and quickly changed into a shabby shirt you thankfully had in your purse. Then, you rushed towards the meeting wall.

You were terribly late. You just wished that you could still hand in the papers and the meeting could go smoothly. But all these hopes disappered when you opened the door of the meeting hall, only to be met by Nick Fury himself. And he looked angry. With you. This day couldn't get any worse.

You noticed Tony standing there with the other avengers. Others less furious than Fury but pissed nonetheless. Your eyes landed on Captain America as if you knew he wouldn't be pissed. And he wasn't. He just looked ... worried?

You turned your gaze back to Tony and Fury and slid the papers towards them on the table. 

"Th - The papers you had asked for, sir." You muttered and mentally kicked yourself. You should have started with an apology. Before you could mutter an apology, Nick Fury opened his mouth to speak and you didn't have a choice but to just listen.

"Yes, miss y/l/n, we did need these papers. About an hour ago. Right now - " He didn't finish his sentence and let his actions convey the message as he picked up the papers, the ones you had spent hours on, and threw them inside the shredder. All the papers were shred to pieces before your eyes and you just wanted to curl up in a ball and cry.

"We asked you to do this, because we trusted you, y/n." Tony spoke with a hint of disappointment in his voice and that hurt more than anger. You didn't want to disappoint him, you didn't want to disappoint anybody.

You tried your best to hold back your tears. Swallowing the lump in your throat, you spoke, ""I am sorry. I - "

"We don't need your execuses, miss y/l/n. If you can't even be here on time for an important meeting like this one, then it is something to be worried about, " The director spoke in his authoritive voice and you couldn't utter a single word.  

Thankfully, you didn't have to when Steve spoke up. "Fury, it's fine. There's nothing we can do now. Y/n has never been late before. I am sure she had her reasons." You couldn't help but feel a little lighter at his words. At least there was somebody who wasn't disappointed or angry with you.

Tony's expression turned into a smug one and Steve dreaded the words that were about to fall from that mouth of his. "Come on, cap. This was a very important meeting and you know this better than any of us. Her being late screwerd it up. You're just taking her side because you have got a crush on her."

Red color crept to Steve's cheeks and he just wanted to punch Tony's smug expression off his face. "Tony - "

"That's it." Fury proclaimed and this halted everybody's movements. "Ms y/l/n, I have a video conference to attend with the Security council right not and you have to be there to take notes. Pick up the necessary stuff and meet me in the conference hall in 5 minutes. And I mean it when I say, 5 minutes." With the final word, he just walks out of the room as you nod your head.

You didn't have the courage to look at the others as you just walked out of the hall with your head bowed down. You heard footsteps approaching you but you didn't look back.

"Y/n!!" Steve's worried voice called out to you and you turned back to be met by his concerned blue eyes. "Y/n, don't worry about what they said. He was just in a bad mood and took it out on you. We could still handle the meeting. It's fine."

You tried your best to give him a small smile to tell him that he didn't have to worry about you but even you knew you weren't going to fool him.

For the months you had been at the compound, you had striked a friendship with the Captain. What started as introducing him to the modern technology and helping him settle in the modern world, blossomed into a beautiful friendship which you had begun to cherish. You knew he could read you like a book. There was no point in lying to him.

"Y/n, are you okay?" His voice dripping with concern brought you back from your thoughts and you realised there was a meeting you were supposed to head to.

"Yeah, Steve. I am fine." You grimaced at how clear that lie was but you had to reach the conference. You couldn't face Nick Fury's wrath for the second time in a day. So, you tried giving him a small smile once again and walked towards the hall.

＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊*

Five hours.

That's how long the meeting had lasted.

22 hours.

That's how long you had been without anything to eat.

You knew you weren't doing yourself anything good. You had known this when you had nearly fallen down while walking from the hall. You had known that when you couldn't focus properly on anything that was being said in the last hour or two.

You were ready to call this a day and head back home a little early. You just felt like curling up into a ball and crying. The day hadn't gotten any better and you just wanted to head back. The comfort of your home might provide you a safe place to hide, if nothing else.

But it was like the universe had decided to not let anything go according to you today.

Because when J.A.R.V.I.S announced that the head supervisor was looking for you, you knew you were in trouble.

He was actually your boss. The person you had to directly report to. You hadn't interacted with him as much since you became good friends with the Avengers who insisted that you help them directly but he was still your boss. And meeting your boss right now was definitely not what you were looking forward to.

You stood in front of the door of the office and took a deep breathe. Your headache had gotten worse. The dark circles some shades darker and your stomach was begging for food. So, the deep breathe couldn't really prepare you for what was to come.

"Come in." You heard your boss' voice call you from inside and if his voice was any indication, this wasn't going to go well.

You slowly walked in to find your boss standing at the other end of the room staring at you, furious.

"Ms y/l/n, care to explain what was so important that you couldn't reach the meeting on time today?" He said, his voice dripping with venom as he was looking at you as if you were his prey.

"Sir, I - "

"Goddamn it, y/n. I don't want your stupid excuses. What makes you think you could screw up something that important and have the audacity to still be in the compound, in front of me?" He shouted at you and you flinched.

Your breathe had gotten uneven now and you had to hold a chair to keep yourself straight. You didn't have the energy to go about this day any more, let alone argue. But your frustration had gotten higher too.

"Are you even listening to me? Just because you think you're friends with the Avengers doesn't give you the right to walk in as you please. You have no idea how important that meeting was and you screwed it up. Don't know why they even - "

"I am trying. I tried." You had had enough and your voice showed that. On the verge of collapsing, you held the chair tighter until your knuckles turned white as you tried to hold yourself up.

"Then try harder because it's clearly NOT working." He spat back at you and was about to shout some more when the door of the office flew open.

At this point, you didn't even have the energy to keep your eyes open. As the lack of food in your system and the sheer exhaustion of the day took over you, you felt yourself slipping away.

You could hear some noises in the background but you didn't pay any heed to them. You couldn't.

Suddenly a pair of strong but gentle hands held you and the last thing you saw before you passed out were blue eyes staring into yours.

＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊*

You slowly opened your eyes only to close them again when blinded by the bright lights of the medbay.

You slowly opened your eyes again and tried to look around you. The first thing that you noticed was that you were on one of the beds in the medbay. As memories of what happened came back to you, you felt your heart sinking once again.

But then you noticed Steve sitting on the chair beside the bed. His hand slightly brushing yours. He had fallen asleep on the chair and it made you wonder how long you had been gone? How long has Steve been sitting here?

He was surely not comfortable in that postition and you thought he was going to get a neck sprain. So, you gently touched his hand and this brought him out of his slumber.

He slowly opened his eyes and you smiled at him. You had smiled for the first time the whole day and it didn't feel forced or fake.

"Are you okay?" He gently whispered and if you hadn't been feeling better before, you surely did now.

You just nodded your head and gave him another small smile before asking. "How long have I been out?"

"About 5 hours. Seems like you hadn't slept properly last night and had nothing to eat." He pointed his eyes at you as if accusing you of a serious offence.

So, you tried changing the topic." How long have you been here?"

Your attempt had seemed to work as Steve rubbed the back of his neck nervously and replied. "I - uhm." He was a nervous wreck and you could swear you saw his cheeks turning slightly red. He continued. "I asked first."

You looked down and began fiddling with your fingers as you replied, "I just - I had a terrible day."

"If it's about that meeting and the paper, I promise we - "

"No, Steve. It's not just that. One of the factors, yes. But things have just been going wrong."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"No. Not really."

He gave you an understanding smile and continued, "But that does not give you the right to not take care of yourself, sugar. You know how much important your health is to us. To the team. How much you are important to all of us. To me"

You just stare at him. This is not what you expected him to say. Were you really that important to him? You couldn't be, right? You were just an assistant. But before you could go down that rabbit hole, Steve speaks up again, "Promise you will take care of yourself."

"I promise, Cap." You give him a fake salute to which he slightly chuckles.

"You better do. Because if you don't , "

Steve stops and you decided to tease him a little. "What if I don't, cap?"

"Then you'll have to go on a date with me."

You had thought it was the worst day of your life. Oh, how the universe had proved you wrong.

[dreamer-hangugeo]

𝐊𝐨𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐧 𝐆𝐫𝐚𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫: A/V-아/어 봤자 ✏️ 𝐔𝐬𝐚𝐠𝐞 - This expression is used to convey that attempting the action mentioned in the previous statement would be futile or would not meet the expected outcome. It refers to a hypothetical situation that has not yet occurred, often in the form of a conditional statement. - It means "even if (you) do (something), (it) won't matter," or "there's no point in doing (something)." E.g. 지금 출발해 봤자 약속시간에 도착할 수 없어요. (Even if we leave now, we won't be able to arrive at the appointment time.) → speaker is indicating that the action would be futile, as it wouldn't result in arriving on time. ✏️ 𝐒𝐩𝐞𝐜𝐢𝐚𝐥 𝐍𝐨𝐭𝐞𝐬 (1) Additionally, this expression can be used to imply that the content of the previous clause is unremarkable or not particularly noteworthy. E.g. 그 일이 어려워 봤자 지난번 일보다는 쉬울 거예요. (Even if the task is difficult, it would be easier than the last one.) (2) Past tense forms cannot come before or after -아/어 봤자 E.g. 여기에서 거기까지 적어도 한 시간은 걸리니까 지금 갔 봤자 늦을 거예요. (X) 여기에서 거기까지 적어도 한 시간은 걸리니까 가봤자 늦었어요. (X) → 여기에서 거기까지 적어도 한 시간은 걸리니까 지금 가 봤자 늦을 거예요. (〇) (It takes at least an hour from here to there, so even if you go now, you will still be late.) (3) However, the form -아/어 봤자 -았/었을 거예요 can be used when supposing what likely happened in the past situation. E.g. - 민호 씨에게 그때 그 일을 하지 말라고 얘기했어야 되는데 안 한 게 후회가 돼요. 그때 얘기해봤자 듣지 않았을 거예요. 더 이상 신경 쓰지 마세요. (I regret not telling Minho not to do that thing back then. - Even if you had talked to him at that time, he wouldn't have listened. Don't worry about it anymore.) ✏️ 𝐌𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐄𝐱𝐚𝐦𝐩𝐥𝐞𝐬 1. 부모님께 용돈을 받는데 왜 아르바이트를 해요? - 용돈을 받아 봤자 지하철 타고 다니고 밥 몇 번 사 먹으면 남는 게 없거든요. (You get allowance from your parents, so why do you have part-time job? - Even with my allowance, I hardly have nothing left after paying for my subway and meals.) 2. 지금 가면 막차를 탈 수 있을지 몰라요. 빨리 지하철역으로 가 봅시다. - 지금 12시가 훨씬 넘어서 지하철역에 가 봤자 막차는 이미 출발했을 거예요. (If we go now, we might be able to catch the last train. Let’s hurry to the train station. - It's already past 12 pm lately, even if we go the train station it's no use since the last train has already left.) 3. 열심히 공부해 봤자 시험에 떨어지면 무슨 소용이 있어요? (What's the point of studying hard if you fail the exam anyway?) 4. 부모님은 내가 솔직하게 말해 봤자 내 말을 믿지 않으실 거예요. (It’s no use even if I talk honestly to my parents, they won't believe me.) 5. 한국의 겨울 날씨가 추워 봤자 북극보다 춥겠어요? (Even if the winter weather is cold in Korea in Korea, would it be colder than the North Pole?) #KoreanGrammar #KoreanLanguage #studywithme

🌸 🌼 🌻

Support me at: https://koreanlanguageloving.my.canva.site/

[braveclementine]

Chapter 12

Warnings: None, Readers under 18 can read this book. It is solely fluff- nothing sexual

Copyright: I do not own any Wizarding World characters that J.K. Rowling wrote. I do however own Elizabeth Kane (main character) and Trang Nyguen (best friend). There should be no use of these two names without my permission. I also do not condone any copying of this.

.💙💙💙.

𝕰𝖆𝖘𝖙𝖊𝖗 𝖇𝖗𝖊𝖆𝖐 𝖈𝖆𝖒𝖊 which meant that there were zero classes, but lots of homework. Hannah Abbott was close to collapsing from nerves, and she wasn't the only one. Neville Longbottom also seemed close to collapsing and when I was studying with the others in the Gryffindor common room, Seamus yelled out of nowhere, "Call this a holiday! The exams are ages away, what're they playing at?"

I wasn't entirely sure what everyone else was so stressed about. It was only third year. Of course, Hermione and I could stress. But everyone else was overreacting- at least that's how I felt.

Harry had pointed out that no one had more work than me or Hermione. Hermione had dropped Divination which meant that she had two less classes than me. She was the last to leave the common room (according to Harry, as I spent most nights in my own common room) and was the first to wake so that she could get the library first.

I was doing the same, but my days were even longer. I'd suggested to Hermione that she could turn the time back so that she could have more hours for homework but she said that would be breaking the rules we'd agreed to when we'd been given the time-turners.

We both had dark shadows under our eyes and one day when looking in the mirror, I thought that I looked a bit like dad. He always had shadows under his eyes as well. Hermione was usually close to tears and while I usually had a confident, happy aurora, inside I was close to tears as well.

McGonagall, Flitwick, and Snape had cut private lessons to be resumed next year. This had always irked me because I felt that I could keep up with the classes. This year however, I was grateful for the extra hours at night. It meant shorter days since I didn't have to use my time turner as much (for homework anyways).

Dad had been worried about the shadows under my eyes and had persuaded me to go to Madam Pomfrey.

"It's f-fine dad." I said, yawning after one of the classes he'd held me back after. "Really, it is."

I had other things to worry about than my dark eyes. The enmity between Slytherin and Gryffindor was tight. Even Slytherins and Gryffindors that had nothing to do with Quidditch were getting into small fights.

I had become a Slytherin target as well. Possibly because I'd thrown Draco across a room, possibly because I was more of a Gryffindor than a Hufflepuff in their eyes. I was constantly being pushed whenever I was walking through the hallways. Now, I constantly had my wand in my hand and whenever a Slytherin got near me, I raised it, and they took off.

Harry was having a hard time too. He was constantly being tripped in the hallways and Oliver had told other Gryffindors to surround him at all times so that they were a type of shield around him. Harry was annoyed with this since he found it hard to get to class with everyone around him and he could barely see over the heads of some of the taller people.

I felt sick the night before the Quidditch game. I stayed up with my homework, hoping that it would distract me. Muggle studies- How do Muggles get their news without magic? Potions- Why should the calming draught be use periodically? Transfiguration- What are the main difficulties when doing a statue to model transformation?

I was close to being done, but not completely when I went to bed.

.💙💙💙.

𝕿𝖍𝖊 𝖓𝖊𝖝𝖙 𝖒𝖔𝖗𝖓𝖎𝖓𝖌, I put my Divination book and parchment in my bag so that I could work on the essay at the game, and then after getting dressed, I went downstairs for breakfast.

I sat down next to Ginny. She looked excited. "How did you sleep?" She chirped.

"Pretty good." I said honestly. "Though I didn't finish all of my homework which is a bit of a tragedy."

Ginny giggled, "Oh yes, what a tragedy."

We both laughed.

"So." I said, pulling over toast and put grape jelly on it. "Who do you think is going to win."

"Gryffindor." Ginny said confidently. "We have Harry Potter."

"Yes." I said grinning but was very careful with my next words, "Yes you do."

Ginny looked at me, "You're practically a Gryffindor, you know."

"Oh, I know." I said. "But I have to show some sort of house pride."

Ginny giggled again. "Ron told us in Egypt that you would've been in Gryffindor if it wasn't for your visions."

I blushed, "Why was he talking about me?"

Ginny grinned, "Fred asks Ron about you all the time. Innocent little questions of course."

I blushed deeper and shoved the piece of toast in my mouth.

The Quidditch team came down eventually, probably getting as much sleep as possible, and all of them looking sick. Oliver sat down right in front of me. "Are we going to win?" He asked, pale as a sheet.

I grinned, "Now Oliver, if I told you that, it would be cheating, wouldn't it?"

The others laughed, but Oliver looked like he might throw up.

I sighed, "Just play the best you guys can and I'm sure you won't be disappointed with the results."

Oliver didn't look put at ease at all, but he nodded stiffly, and the rest of the team sat down to eat. Oliver told them to eat, but he didn't eat anything himself until I finally pushed toast at him. "Eat Oliver." I said, looking at him.

He picked up the toast, took a bite, and put it down with a face that said it tasted like sawdust. Before any of the other team members had finished eating, Oliver wanted to see how the weather was, and shooed the team outside.

Soon, Ginny, Hermione, Ron, and I headed out as well. We took up seats right next to the commentator/ teacher box. I noticed that Snape was sitting with the Slytherins in the student section. Professor McGonagall was in her customary spot next to Lee in case she had to yank the microphone away from him.

"And here are the Gryffindors!" Lee yelled as I pulled out my Divination textbook. "Potter, Bell, Johnson, Spinnet, Weasley, Weasley, and Wood. Widely acknowledged as the best team Hogwarts has seen in a good few years-"

There were 'boos' from the Slytherin end and I grinned. I would argue that my team was the best team, of course. I pulled out my quill, setting up the inkwell on the wooden barrier.

"And here comes the Slytherin team, led by Captain Flint. He's made some changes in the lineup and seems to be going for size rather than skill-" Lee commented.

There were more negative sounds from the Slytherin end. Looking at the Slytherin team however, I found that Lee had a pretty good point.

Madam Hooch blew her whistle and the fourteen brooms took off into the air and the crowd cheered. I looked down at my parchment writing, If Crystal balls were actually useful. . .

"And its Gryffindor in possession, Alicia Spinnet for Gryffindor with the Quaffle, heading straight for the Slytherin goal posts, looking good, Alicia! Argh- no Quaffle intercepted by Warrington, Warrington of Slytherin tearing up the field- WHAM! nice Bludger work there by George Weasley, Warrington drops the Quaffle, it's caught by- Johnson, Gryffindor back in possession come on, Angelina- nice swerved around Montague- duck, Angelina, that's a bludger!- SHE SCORES! TEN-ZERO TO GRYFFINDOR!"

There was a ding as the button was pressed to add ten points to the scoreboard.

I looked up momentarily distracted form the essay. Angelina was pumping her fist in the air when suddenly she was slammed by Flint. I hissed through my teeth as he said, "Sorry! Sorry, didn't see her!"

Fred raised his arm and chucked his beater club into the back of Flint's head. Flint's nose smashed into the handle of his broom and began to bleed. I chuckled a little and then looked back down at the essay. Nice aim, Fred, nice aim.

"That will do!" I heard Madam Hooch yelling, "Penalty shot to Gryffindor for an unprovoked attack on their Chaser! Penalty shot to Slytherin for deliberate damage to their Chaser!"

"Come off it, Miss!" Fred howled and I laughed again. When I was younger, I used to think penalty to Gryffindor meant they were in trouble, even though it was the other teams fault. So I'd always wondered why the other teams didn't sabotage each other so that the other team was always in trouble for what the other team had done. Then dad had explained to me that if the other team sabotaged the other, the sabotaged team got a free throw with the Quaffle. That was what a penalty really was.

An unnatural silence swept over the pitch and I looked up as Alicia took the Quaffle.

"Come on Alicia!" Lee said into the silence. Everyone held their breath as she threw the Quaffle and then. . . "YES! SHE'S BEATEN THE KEEPER! TWENTY-ZERO TO GRYFFINDOR!" Lee said enthusiastically.

Flint took the Quaffle next to go up against Wood for his free throw. Wood's jaw was tightly clenched and I realized I was clutching my quill very tightly. "Course, Wood's a superb Keeper." Lee said smugly to the crowd as we waited. "Superb! Very difficult to pass- very difficult indeed- YES! I DON'T BELIEVE IT! HE'S SAVED IT!"

I sighed with relief and continued on down the essay crystal gazing is an imprecise branch of magic anyways and so. . .

"Gryffindor in possession, no, Slytherin in possession-no!- Gryffindor back in possession, and it's Katie Bell, Katie Bell for Gryffindor with the Quaffle, she's streaking up the field- THAT WAS DELIBERATE!"

I looked up as I saw Montague cartwheeling on his broom in the air, Katie's head in his hands. Katie dropped the Quaffle. Madam Hooch's whistle rang again.

"THIRY-ZERO! TAKE THAT, YOU DIRTY, CHEATING-"

"Jordan, if you can't commentate in an unbiased way-" Professor McGonagall said in a warning voice.

"I'm telling it like it is, Professor."

Harry suddenly shot off towards the Slytherin end of the pitch. It was a decoy, I knew, to get Draco away from the real snitch. It worked, Draco was after Harry in an instant and I sighed with relief.

I watched though, as both Slytherin beaters clubbed the bludgers toward Harry. One streaked past his ear and another went past his elbow. Both beaters were zooming towards him, one of either side of him. Harry pulled up on the Firebolt and they crashed into each other.

"Ha, haa!" Lee Jordan laughed along with the crowd. "Too bad, boys! You'll need to get up earlier than that to beat a Firebolt! And it's Gryffindor in possession again, as Johnson takes the Quaffle- Flint alongside her- poke him in the eye, Angelina- it was a joke, Professor, it was a joke- oh no- Flint in possession, Flint flying toward the Gryffindor goal posts, come on now, Wood, save- Shit!"

Lee swore and Professor McGonagall tried to tug the microphone away from him while the Slytherin end of the field erupted into cheers.

"Sorry, Professor, sorry! Won't happen again! So Gryffindor in the lead, thirty points to ten, and Gryffindor in possession-" Lee continued with the commentary.

Therefore, if crystal balls could be made to be used in a more effective manner, I believe that more people would be able to decipher the future. Of course. . .

I heard Lee shouting, "YOU CHEATING SCUM! YOU FILTHY, CHEATING BASTARD!" I looked up and Lee was dancing out of the way of Professor McGonagall but it didn't matter. She was up on her own, her hat had fallen off, and she was shaking her finger at the Quidditch players. Malfoy had grabbed the end of Harry's broom.

I sighed, looking back down.

Lee continued the commentary. "Slytherin in possession, Slytherin heading for goal- Montague scores- Seventy- twenty to Gryffindor- and what is Malfoy doing now, talking to the Beater. . ."

And that comes to the conclusion that crystal balls are only used for those-

"DUCK ELIZABETH!" Lee suddenly shouted into the microphone.

Duck Elizabeth? Since when was that something they said in Quidditch? I looked up and wished that I hadn't as the bludger rammed into my stomach and I went flying off the bench. My quill and parchment were thrown into the air and I crashed onto my back.

Lee was cursing into the microphone as the bludger flew back out over the pitch. I stared up at the sky. Hermione, Ron, and Ginny's concerned faces were over mine as I gasped for breath. Dad was suddenly there too, pale faced.

"Elizabeth, are you okay?" Dad asked.

I opened my mouth and coughed. I could hear Professor McGonagall yelling too along with Hagrid's booming voice. Where was Hagrid?

Finally I managed, "Bumphing is a Quidditch foul where a beater hits a bludger towards opposing fans in hopes to throw the opposing team off balance. I think that might be the first time a Bumphing foul was ever used at a Hogwarts Quidditch game."

Ron sighed. "She's back to normal."

I tried to laugh which took my breath away again.

"What happened?" I finally asked weakly when I got my breathing back and the sky stopped spinning. Funny, I thought people were only dizzy when they got hit in the head. Or maybe I'd hit my head when I crashed to the floor. Students were standing up, trying to get a good look at us. Dad was the only Professor over here. I was glad about that.

Ginny and Hermione knelt next to me too.

"Malfoy. . ." Hermione said, fear in her eyes, her mouth covered by her hands. "He told the beater to hit a bludger towards you, I think. . ."

"Stupid git." I said, still gasping for air and I sat up. "Oh." I moaned, grabbing my ribs.

"We should get you to the hospital wing." Dad said.

I waved my hand. "Not until the end of the game."

I got back on my seat, pale faced, my arm wrapped around my stomach. Dad didn't climb back into the teachers' box but stood by the side. Ginny had picked up my divination book and essay. I put the cap back on the ink well, at least it hadn't spilled all over my essay, which was pretty much done.

"Are you really okay?" Ginny asked as I shifted in my seat next to her.

"Hurt like the dickens." I said, controlling my breathing better.

I watched as Flint lined up for a penalty shot again. "Why'd he get the penalty shot?" I asked, gingerly touching my ribs.

"Fred might've swung his club into Malfoy's face." Ginny said.

"Ah, that would do it." I said, wanting to laugh, but not daring too. That sick feeling was back in my stomach. Wood saved the goal. I certainly had not foreseen that coming so would Gryffindor now lose the game because the situation was different? I certainly hoped not.

SHE SCORES! SHE SCORES! Gryffindor leads by eighty points to twenty!" Lee shouted as Angelina scored the next goal. Lee shot a look back towards me and I gave him a weak thumbs up and a smile.

Then Malfoy was diving, and Harry was diving and they were neck and neck for the Snitch. Ginny was clutching my arms so hard, my pain in my stomach was forgotten and was moved into my arm. I had my fingers crossed so tightly the blood was leaving.

Then Harry pulled out of his dive, his hand raised above his head, the golden snitch in his hand. Wood left his position immediately, sobbing into Harry's shoulder. Fred and George flew into him too. The girls were screaming, "we've won the cup! we've won the cup!"

The Gryffindor team made their way to the ground while the Gryffindor student body flooded onto the pitch, I was dragged along by Ginny who didn't seem to be able to let go of my arm. Dad was soon left behind, a stressed look on his face.

I stood to the side however, while the Gryffindor student body lifted the team up into the air. Looking around, I heard Hagrid shouting, "Yeh beat 'em Harry, yeh beat 'em! Wait till I tell Buckbeak!"

Even funnier was Percy jumping up and down like a maniac, his dignity gone. Professor McGonagall was sobbing, wiping her eyes with a Gryffindor flag. Wood was still crying. Harry was borne up toward the stands and I followed, walking beside Hermione and Ron where Dumbledore was waiting with the cup. Wood took the cup from Dumbledore and, still sobbing, handed it up to Harry.

I found that I was crying with excitement too. Hermione put her arms around me and I hugged her back, even though it made my stomach hurt.

.💙💙💙.

"𝕵𝖚𝖘𝖙 𝖆 𝖋𝖗𝖆𝖈𝖙𝖚𝖗𝖊." Madam Pomfrey said as I sat on the edge of the hospital bed. She got out tape and wrapped it around my stomach. I winced in pain. Cedric, Fred, Wood, Harry, Ron, Hermione, and Ginny were all in the room. Fred kept giving cold looks to Cedric but Ced didn't seem to notice.

Lee walked into the room at that moment, "You should listen to me more Liz." He said as Madam Pomfrey gave me something to drink.

I drank the liquid down and coughed. "I'll keep that in mind." I said, grinning.

"Anyways." Lee said, sitting down on a bed opposite me. "I just saw Professor Sprout. Malfoy and Bole both have detentions up to the end of the year. Not to mention they both had fifty points taken from Slytherin each."

"Wow!" I said, gingerly leaning back on the bed. "I didn't know Professor Sprout could be so mean."

They all laughed.

"You know." Lee said thoughtfully. "I thought Snape would defend them ya know, but he seemed just as furious with them as Sprout."

"Really?" Harry and Ron asked.

"I wonder what dad's reaction was?" I asked thoughtfully. I couldn't really remember exactly what happend with the bumphing foul.

"What Professor doesn't like Elizabeth?" Cedric asked, grinning.

"The Astronomy Professor." I said, aiming for a joke.

They all laughed again.

Wood's eyes were still red from the crying. "Congratulations Oliver." I said. "I told you you guys were going to win."

More laughs, though some confusion on Cedric's side. An hour later, my butt still sore, my ribs were healed and I went with the others to the Gryffindor common room. Cedric had left five minutes earlier so I hadn't felt guilty about going.

We partied for a long time. There was so much food and there was even dancing. I danced with Lee, George, Harry, Dean, Fred, Oliver, and even Percy. And of course, I danced with Hermione and Ginny too.

Since it was too late for me to leave, I slept in the common room. Hermione and Ginny stayed down in the common room and it was like a sleepover.

.💙💙💙.

𝕿𝖍𝖊 𝖓𝖊𝖝𝖙 𝖜𝖊𝖊𝖐 was horrible. While there was no more homework, there was studying. And I always figured that studying was worse than homework. Homework, there's a finished objective and one topic to focus on. But when you study, it's all on your own and you have to figure out what you need to learn.

I was also called into multiple offices. Dad's, Sprout's, McGonagall's' and Snape's. Each one wanted to know how my ribs were (even though they'd been healed for days). Dad helped me with my patronus charm again and the day before exams would start, I managed to produce a wildcat for about seven seconds. But I was proud of it. Dad was extremely proud of me too.

The next day, I took my Arithmancy exam deciphering paragraphs of numbers into words. Then, turning back an hour, I went to my Ancient Runes exam where I deciphered shapes into letters and words.

Then lunch and then Transfiguration. I turned my teapot into a tortoise on my first try. Full marks. Then I had divination.

I went up and looked in the crystal ball. Professor Trelawney was sitting there, silent. Pretending like I was looking into the glass ball, I said, "I see Sirius Black."

"Yes?" She said excitedly.

"The Minister of Magic has captured him." I said. "But. . . he seems to escape, again."

She clucked her tongue in disappointment. "Anything else, my dear?"

"I also see a hippogriff." I said, trying very hard not to laugh.

"Oh! And does it still have its head?"

"Yes." I said solidly. "And it's being led through the Forbidden Forest."

"Ah." She said in disappointment again. "very well."

I got up and went down the stairs, still trying not to smile. Sometimes my gift came in use.

I got a letter from Sadie at breakfast and I took it and offered her my bacon. I opened it up. It was a letter from Hagrid.

Elizabeth, Buckbeak's appeal is the sixth Someone from Ministry of Magic coming. And executioner. Thanks for all yer help. Hagrid.

I stuffed the letter angrily into my bag. They were already bringing the executioner? Bloody hell. As though fate had deemed it, I heard Draco's voice down the hallway. I walked towards his voice, angrily. I drew my wand out without thinking. Draco came around the corner with Goyle and Crabbe.

"Oh if isn't Kane." Draco said with a smirk on his face, not seeing my wand. "How'd you like the bludger?"

"Oh?" I said, pulling my teeth back. "You really think you're going to get away with killing Buckbeak?"

"Well. . ." Draco seemed to pretend to think about it, "Yeah, I do."

I gritted my teeth and then blasted Crabbe with my wand. Draco dropped his smile. "You dare attack a Slytherin! I'll see to it that Professor Snape gives you life long detentions."

"Dream come true." I said with a smirk. Goyle threw a punch at me and I ducked and kicked him in the knee. I was too short and modest to raise my leg high enough to kick him in the stomach. Goyle grunted, but it didn't seem to phase him. I used a weak stunning spell against Goyle and he fell where he was.

"Just me and you Draco." I said softly. "You have no bludger, no body guards, nothing. Now say all those things again." I pointed my wand at his throat. I wondered briefly if I had gone to far with this. But I thought about the bludger slamming into my stomach in the Quidditch stadium, and sweet Buckbeak and my anger hardened again.

And yet, another voice spoke in the back of my mind, "Does he really deserve it?" Dad breathed.

I'd hesitated to much, Crabbe slammed into me and I slammed my shoulder into the wall. I was glad I had none of my personal articles on me. I fell to the floor and raised my wand and whispered, "Petrificus Totalus."

Crabbe turned ridged and fell to the floor too. I got to my feet, brushing dust off my robes. Draco had his wand out on me and said "Incendio!"

I jumped out of the way as the flames licked up at my robes. I threw my cloak off and stomped it out, and pointing my wand at Draco I said, "Experlliarmus!"

Draco jumped out of the way and my spell hit the wall. I dodged his next spell. But his second spell hit me in the stomach. I slammed my head on the floor. I touched my head gingerly. Blood came back on my fingers. I gritted my teeth, rolling to dodge another spell.

"Stupefy!" I shouted. Draco collapsed on the floor. I sighed in relief, laying there on the floor.

"Elizabeth!"

"Oh bloody hell, what now?" I muttered and turned, pointing my wand at whoever was approaching.

It was Professor Snape stopped short and I lowered my wand. "You have blood running down your neck." He said shortly.

I touched my hair again. More blood came away from it. "Lovely." I grimaced. I got to my feet, staggering a bit.

Snape examined Crabbe, Goyle, and Draco. "What spells did you use on them?"

"Two stunning, one body-bind curse." I muttered.

He revived Draco and Goyle and undid my curse on Crabbe. "Fifteen points from Slytherin for dueling." He snapped. "And I don't ever want to see something like this come from Slytherin ever again unless it's deserved."

Wow, gee, unless I deserved it. How kind, Professor Snape.

"She started it!" Draco whined.

Snape turned to me, glaring. I shrugged, "Possibly."

Had I? I couldn't remember. Everything was a bit hazy. The blood was running thicker. Thin streams of blood had run down my neck, either soaked into my shirt, or continuing to drip past my collar. As my shirt was white, the blood stains showed up quite well.

"Come with me Kane." Snape said and I followed him into the dungeons. "In." He said shortly, opening his office door. I went inside. "Sit." He said and I sat down on a stool by the bed. Snape opened up cupboard doors and such and pulled out a cloth and water basin. He moved behind me.

He pulled the hair band out of my hair, parting it.

I closed my eyes as Snape ran the wet cloth across my neck, wiping the blood away. I said nothing and he was silent as well. He cares, a random thought traveled across my mind. He really does care. I blushed.

I heard water pinging on the metal basin and then water on the back of my neck. His fingers found the cut. I gasped in pain and clutched my fingers around the edge of the stool.

"It's not deep." He said, feeling around methodically. "Heads usually bleed a lot more than the wounds suggest."

"I didn't know you were a doctor." I said, amused, but still not opening my eyes.

"A doctor?" He asked curiously.

"I mean a healer, sorry." I said, blushing. Sometimes I confused my Muggle and Wizarding terms.

"Well no, not really." He admitted, moving his fingers deftly to part my hair and stop the wound from bleeding. "But it's not serious and Madam Pomfrey would've made a bigger deal out of it than it is. I thought you'd prefer this."

I flushed redder and whispered, "Yes, thank you."

After some more moments of silence he said, "here."

I opened my eyes and took the washcloth questionably.

"You have blood below here." He said, touching the collar of my shirt. "I figured you'd want to take care of that yourself. I'll step out of the room."

He did as he said, and closed the door behind himself.

I unbuttoned the shirt four buttons down, and worked methodically to get the dried blood off my skin. It was actually harder than one thought, getting dried blood of of oneself. I was kneeling by the wash basin and dipped the washcloth in repeatedly to release the blood. Once the blood was off, I grabbed the other towel and dried off. I buttoned the shirt up two buttons.

I waited for a moment in the room, trying to gain control of myself because I was grinning like an idiot.

No big deal, I thought randomly, He'd totally do this for any other student uh huh. Yeah, totally.

I stepped out of the room, still fighting for composure. "Thank you." I said, not looking at him. If I looked at him, I might smile.

"Any time." He said. His voice was farther away and I saw that he was at his desk.

I slipped out of the room and went to the common room and got into bed. It wasn't really near time to sleep yet but I couldn't have done anything else. I buried my face into the pillow and smiled.

⬅️➡️

[diabolicalvixen]

hello, i just want you to know that you were one of the few artists my 11-year-old ayayui-rotted brain clung to!!!

now, 8 years later, i'm back in tumblr and i checked out the ayayui tag AND I SQUEALED WITH JOY when i saw you!!!

thank you so much for the wonderful art. (to this day i cannot get that seggsy ayayui basketball art you drew lol)

I wish I can tell you how much your message means to me, this made me a little teary eyed

trigger warning: depression talk below

8 years ago was just about 1 year before my depression peaked, and also the last time I heavily pushed out art before I stopped almost completely. I can tell you exactly because I started therapy at the end of 2020, and before that it took me almost 3 years to admit to myself that I need help. I wasn't ever in danger of unaliving myself but those were still some dark times. My diary from those years is so sad, that I can't bear to read it. But I still vividly remember one very personal entry that I want to share with you to convey to you what you did for me (and past me) today with that message

---

(this is paraphrased + translated)

December 2019

I haven't picked up a pen or a brush in what feels like forever and I don't know if I ever will again. I feel like a failure. My art looks like crap compared to others. It's messy and simple and you can tell i just wanted to get it finally done at one point. I bet no one uses that much references as I am. I want to delete it all. I don't even want to call myself an artist when I look at my stuff, that's just embarrassing. It looks so much better in my head, but my hand can't replicate what my mind sees.

Maybe it's a good thing Mom and Dad talked me out of studying art. My portfolio is cringe. I don't even know if this current degree is going anywhere, I haven't studied in a while either, I'll probably fail my exams. Whatever, I'll try next semester again.

I told people online that "I'm back" like a 100 times already, but no one cares anymore. That's the internet, if you stop pushing out content, you'll become irrelevant. Can't blame them. That's life I guess. I want to draw but I can't, it's not fun anymore. I'm not creative anymore. Where did it all go? Why do I feel so tired all the time? Maybe I'm just lazy. Even this entry almost took up all of my energy for today.

I slept 12 hours and I'm still tired.

---

A bit melodramatic but that's how I essentially felt like all the time, thinking about my art just made me spiral even more. I did receive some supportive and loving messages during those years and I have every one of them screenshotted and saved on my computer, but back then they were only able to pull me out for a very short time before I slipped into my black hole again. I had little bursts of creativity here and there but nothing compared to how it was before. Most of it I didn't even post because I ended up hating it.

I had my very last therapy appointment about three months ago and even though I'm in a much better place now, I'm still coming to terms with closing that chapter from my life. Something about your message made me very sentimental today - in a good way.

Thank you for liking my art 8 years ago. Thank you so much for still recognizing and remembering me 8 years later (!!!) and thank you for taking some time out of your day to message me! This truly made my whole month already, and we only have 2nd of July!

(about that seggsy basketball art, I reposted it a while ago - even though every fiber of my being cringed so hard 😂)

[she-karev]

Last Night Stand Part 1

Age Rating: 12+

Fandom: Grey’s Anatomy

Summary: Amber goes to a bar to unwind when she runs into Andrew DeLuca again who offers to buy her a meal as an apology causing them to unexpectedly get along.

AN: Sorry for taking so long guys but I wanted to make sure this story was perfect. Hope you enjoy and part 2 will be coming soon.

Words: 3434

After getting rid of that smelly dress and taking off those painful heels I exhale in comfort at the familiarity of my actual clothes. I put on my gray Iowa State University sweatshirt, my dark blue jeans and black vans. It’s not a usual ‘do me’ outfit for a night out but I’m only here for one day and have no plans for nocturnal company.

I only planned to be here for one day to do my interview and now that my interview is over, I’m gonna forget about the stresses that I’m currently facing for one night. My last year in NYU is nothing but clerkships, applications and getting recommendations from professors. The last night out I had was when my midterm exam was rescheduled unexpectedly and I spent the rest of the day and night in the library studying.

I stand in front of my hotel mirror and let the bun loose at last letting my blonde hair out in long waves. I fluff it to give it extra volume and apply more of my nude pink lipstick. I don’t usually wear a lot of makeup but my interview called for it and now that it’s over I can go back to my simple foundation and naked eyeshadow with a hint of mascara. After checking myself and being satisfied with the results I grab my purse and head out for a hopefully relaxing night.

                                                      -----------------

I sit on a bar stool drinking a scotch and soda observing the place I picked out. It’s a hole in the wall that only about thirty people can fit in at once. The peanut shells on the floor and sticky counter reduce the appeal of this place but it’s better than nothing. And it’s definitely better than that bar across the street from the hospital because at least here I don’t run the risk of running into Alex after that disastrous reunion.

I groan as memories of what happened a few hours ago come flooding in and I take a big sip from my drink. I can’t believe Alex had the nerve to come up to me like one conversation was gonna make everything better. I almost didn’t want to apply just to keep from seeing him again…but my desire to become a great surgeon outweigh my distaste towards my oldest brother. It’s not like we’re gonna run into each other a lot the hospital is big and there are other doctors to teach me.

I just hope those doctors don’t include the second person I don’t want to-

“Can I get a beer and onion rings please?” I recognize the voice behind me and as soon as I hear a stool being sat on, I turn my head to the right and recognize him two stools away. Andrew DeLuca aka the guy who spilled coffee on my dress, almost broke my nose and made me drop my tampons in one meeting. I turn back to my drink and darkly chuckle at my continued misfortune for today. The guy Andrew notices and turns toward me instantly recognizing me widening his eyes in shock.

“You’ve got to be kidding me.” He says in disbelief causing me to look at him in irony.

“What exactly do you have to be upset with me about?”

He tries to retract his comment, “No that’s not what I meant I just-”

“Did I spill coffee on you or punch you in the face or picked up your tampons? Cause I’m a little lost on what you have against me.” The bartender looks at the both of us interested before putting a beer in front of Andrew and going to the kitchen in the back.

Andrew sighs, “Look it was an accident, I swear.”

“No, it was three accidents, five if you count each individual tampon.”

“I said I was sorry I don’t know what you want me to say.”

I retort bitterly due to my crankiness, “Nothing, in fact we don’t have to speak to each other ever again.”

“Oh, that’s too bad, I was really enjoying getting to know you.” He says sarcastically which I don’t find amusing.

“Well, I wasn’t.”

“I was being sarcastic.”

I give him a sardonic look, “I wasn’t.” I finish my drink hoping the alcohol will numb me just enough. Andrew looks at me curiously for some reason before asking me a question.

“So, uh…what were doing at the hospital anyway? Were you visiting a relative?”

I look at him with mild surprise that he actually wants to converse with me after I basically bitched out at him. Most people run the other direction when they fall victim to my sharp words and bad attitude but somehow this guy is still here and trying to talk to me. I decide to engage, “No I was uh…there for an interview to become an intern.”

“Oh, what field?”

“Surgery.”

Andrew looks at me surprised, “Oh that’s my field too, I’m a second-year resident.” The bartender puts the beer and onion rings out in front of Andrew who doesn’t notice as he continues talking to me, “How did it go? Did you make a good impression?”

I signal the bartender to give me another drink, “I think so I wasn’t socially inept as most doctors would be and they didn’t notice the coffee in boobs if that’s what your worried about.” I give him a fake grin but he doesn’t take offense instead he grins and quietly chuckles.

“Are you visiting from Iowa?” He must’ve noticed my shirt.

“No, I’m visiting from New York I went to Iowa undergrad.”

He nods, “That’s cool I hear Iowa State is a really great school for…aspiring doctors like you.” I genuinely grin at his feeble attempt and chuckle with him, “Sorry I don’t really know what to say here.”

I smile at his naivety, “Really? I couldn’t tell.” The bartender gives me a new drink which I sip.

“So, New York are you graduating from Columbia? Or maybe Cornell?” I look at him surprised he assumed I was from those top five schools which he notices, “What?”

I shake my head, “Nothing it’s just…people look at me and hear New York and immediately assume model or actress. Ivy league is the last guess they would make about me.”

Andrew shrugs, “Well maybe that’s because they didn’t run into you after you interviewed for a surgery job at one of the top hospitals in the nation, that could be a factor.”

“True. As for the question neither, I’m graduating from NYU in May after that Match Day and then the rest of my life starts…no pressure.” I sip my drink again.

“So how long are you in Seattle for?” Andrew asks.

“Just until tomorrow, I go back to New York by then.”

Andrew moves a stool closer to me, “Well since it’s your last night in town and we might work together in the near future how about we make a fresh start by letting me buy you a drink?” I look at him with a raised eyebrow as I hold my second drink, I already paid for which he notices, “Okay how about I buy you a meal then? And you can reimburse me for the dry cleaning.”

I chuckle, “Oh I’m still gonna reimburse you buddy.” I expect him to back out but he is persistent which I find oddly attractive.

“Then you can reimburse me for any emotional or physical trauma I unintentionally cause tonight, what do you say?” I exhale at his offer looking at him and getting caught up in his bright green eyes causing me to get butterflies which I hid behind a stone-cold expression. If he wants to buy me a meal my last night in town, I guess I should take it both to satisfy him and satisfy my hunger.

“All right.” I signal the bartender, “Can I get a double cheeseburger please with the largest side of fries you have.” Some financial damage might make us even, “With buffalo wings and after I want two of your most expensive desserts to go.” I grin at Andrew who retorts with a sly grin before taking out his wallet.

“Can I get a name? Since your probably gonna bankrupt me in one night?” Andrew asks.

I hold out my hand to him which he shakes, “My name is Amber.”

                                                      -----------------

After about an hour of talking and eating we somehow moved from the bar to a table across from each other. I don’t know what happened but somewhere in that hour my disdain towards Andrew morphed into liking. I always believed in the quote ‘God doesn’t give with both hands’ but I am seriously reconsidering my beliefs right now.

I mean this guy is nice, sweet even, he’s a surgeon, he’s paying for my food, and it doesn’t hurt that he looks like a modern Adonis. I’ve been attracted to guys before but not like this not in a way that goes beyond looks. It’s easy for me to be attracted to girls personalities because they actually talked to me before wanting to do other stuff. Guys however spent little time talking and more time trying to quote on quote ‘hit that’, but this Andrew guy isn’t like that. It’s a strange and unfamiliar feeling but I’m liking it so far and him.

I take a bite out of my burger and ask Andrew, “So do you make it a habit to humiliate girls, go to the same bar as them and offer to buy them food for peace?”

Andrew smiles and chuckles, “Oddly no you’re the only girl whose made me buy a big meal in return for nearly breaking her nose. How is it by the way? I didn’t hurt you too bad, did I?” He sounded genuinely concerned yet another perfect trait I’m jotting down.

“Um no my nose is fine thank you, no nose job is necessary. Don’t feel too bad it wouldn’t be the first time I got a broken bone, it’s just the first time someone did it for me instead.”

Andrew’s eyebrows shot up intrigued by my comment, “Really? Are you really clumsy? Or do you just have glass bones?” The waiter brings the wings to the table.

“Neither actually, I’m what most people would call a tomboy. I didn’t start wearing makeup till I was 19, I own a mustang, I only wear a dress when I really have to and these Vans are more my style for a night out than those god-awful heels I wore. I guess it’s because I grew up with two brothers but growing up, I had more guy friends and I learned how to skateboard from them and I played baseball with them over the summer.” I chuckle at the painful yet fond memories, “Let’s just say I have scars that tell stories of my boy like childhood.” I expect Andrew to drift off or look at his phone as I explained myself but instead, he’s listening intently as he eats his onion rings.

He eats before speaking, “I don’t see any scars so far, are they all covered?”

“I got good at treating them or my brother did I guess.” I grimace at mentioning Alex. I remember how he would look at me with a disapproving eye at my scraped knee before disinfecting it and bandaging it up. I also remember the grin he gave me after as if he was amused by me being one of the boys. I can’t go there not now and not in front of Andrew so I take a breath and continue, “It’s been almost twenty years their barely noticeable…but…”

Andrew looks at me as I take a long pause contemplating on whether I should do it or not, “But what?” I decided to do it, I’m already telling him more than I usually do with strangers one more revelation wouldn’t hurt.

I gesture my hand out to him, “Give me your hand.” He raises his eyebrow in question but gives me his hand anyway which I put on the right side of my head under my hair in the right spot, “Do you feel that?”

It takes a while but his fingers find the scar, “Yeah are those from stiches?”

I still hold his hand to my scalp, “Yep, I was eight years old and I tried to do an ollie on my board. My fifth attempt I fell from my board in midair and hit the side on my head on the ramp on the way down.” Andrew hisses at how painful the memory sounds, “Yeah no concussion or fracture but I had to get twelve stiches on my head.” I still remember when Alex and Aaron came rushing in and look at me with shock over the blood in my scalp. If there was one thing that kept those two from fighting all the time it was their love and concern for me.

Andrew takes his hand back, “You know if it makes you feel any better I’ve recently recovered from a pretty serious head injury myself.”

He suddenly piqued my curiosity, “Really? Skateboarding accident too?”

Andrew looks at me with a grim look for the first time since tonight and takes a sip from his beer, “Not exactly…A year ago I helped out this really drunk co worker of mine at a bar. She was alone, sad and about twenty drinks deep and I didn’t want to leave her alone there so I stayed with her and took her home.”

I leaned forward listening to this story more attentively. Most guys see a drunk girl at a bar and decide to take advantage but this guy didn’t. Instead he stayed with her so she wouldn’t be preyed on and took her home, “What happened then? I mean when did this head injury come to you?”

“I’m getting to that.” Andrew continues, “I took her home, she undressed in front of me I was a complete gentleman the entire time until she pulled into bed with her and…” He takes a big sip of his beer as if memories are haunting him causing me to feel pity for him, “Her boyfriend walked in saw me on top of her and-”

“Oh god.” I suddenly see where this is heading and give him a sad look, “Explain it to me in medical terms so you don’t go all Vietnam flashback on me.”

He nods, “Nasal fracture that was reduced, 8 ball Hyphema that was aspirated, and a sling for a clavicle fracture.” He finishes his beer and I look at him with sympathy after all I know what it’s like to be on the other side of a violent attack.

“I’m sorry that happened to you, people can suck.” He chuckles lightly at my comment, “You know…” I contemplate on whether I should tell him or not but I decide not to give him the gory details unless I want him to run off screaming.

However, my long pause causes him to be curious, “What?”

I sigh and curse myself for starting it but I decide to be cryptic when I tell him. My confession won’t take back what happened to him but at least he knows he’s not the only one with a bloody past, “Let’s just say your not the only one at this table who was beaten to a bloody pulp.”

Andrew looks at me with surprise that transforms to pity, “I’m sorry I didn’t mean to bring back any past trauma.”

I shake my head at his sincerity, “No it’s fine it’s your story to tell how could you know I was also in the…really sad, depressing boat.”

Andrew nods in understanding, “If you don’t mind me asking, did the guy get caught?”

“Um yeah sort of…he was…unwell when he attacked me and he was sent to a mental hospital after.” I leave out the part where the guy who attacked me was my brother who had a psychotic episode after inheriting schizophrenia from our mom. I think that revelation should be saved for another night with more drinks and food. I want to take the focus back on him so I ask, “What about you? Did the bastard who messed you up get his karmic justice?”

“Um sort of, I got him arrested and did the whole painful process in the beginning, the DA charged him with felony assault but…my coworker, the one I helped when she was drunk, she was hiding from someone, someone who hurt her, she changed her name, moved and everything to get away from him. She was called to the stand all of a sudden and she was scared she was gonna get questioned about her identity and have to expose herself in front of the whole court. If she did her abuser would find her and kill her and…I didn’t want that to happen because of me. So I barged into the DA’s office and said I would tank the case on the stand unless they dropped the charges against her ex-boyfriend which they did.” I look at him in awe over his actions at the time.

“Wow, you sound like the sort of quality boyfriend I’ve only heard about.”

“Yeah, I’m not so sure about that.” He says modestly.

“You let the guy who beat you and almost blinded you get away with it so you could protect some girl from a man who hurt her. I’m almost convinced at this point you came straight from a fairy tale where you were cast as Prince Charming, only with more interesting character traits.”

Andrew chuckles, “So would that make you the princess I come to save on my white horse?”

I shrug nonchalantly, “More like the alluring villainess who seduced the prince and stole him away from the princess.”

“I can see that, you’ve got eyes that would strike a man in the heart if you looked at him.” He grins at me cooly causing me to grin back, “So uh moving away from the dark stuff, do you have…anyone special back in New York?” I raise an eyebrow at him seeing where he was going with this and smiled.

“No there’s no one special…yet. What about you?”

He gives me his best smile, “Not yet.”

We look at each other grinning with obvious intent in both of our eyes.

                                                     -----------------

Andrew and I come out of the taxi and walk toward his house which I am impressed with, “Wow nice place.”

Andrew answers as we walk toward the door, “Thanks its uh it’s my roommates actually but don’t worry she’s out so we probably won’t-” I stop his sentence with a kiss as soon as we reach the front porch. I grab him by his collar surprising him and do what I’ve wanted to do all night. He’s shellshocked at first but eventually he responds with passion as well holding me by my waist. After several moments and lots of tonguing I come up for air and am amused with the shocked expression he has as he still holds my hips, “Wow I see we’re jumping straight to the gun.”

“I have about…” I check my watch for the time, “15 hours until I take a coach seat back to NYC so I’m sprinting instead of walking, is that okay?”

Andrew blinks and then nods eagerly, “Yeah sprinting is good I love to sprint, let me just grab my keys and we can continue sprinting inside.” I grin and let him grab his keys and open the front door. He leads me inside holding my hand to guide me and then turns on the lights. I gasp when I see two women emerge from behind the couch to my right in the living room. I guess one of these women is his roommate since he’s hardly shocked as he leads me to the stairs, “Ohh! Sorry.”

I chuckle quietly as he begins to lead me up the stairs until one of the women speak up, “Andrea?”

He stops us midway and turns around recognizing the woman, “Carina?”

After that the night turned into an Italian soap opera I saw on Netflix once because Andrew begins to speak Italian along with the woman who stands up with her blouse open while her date looks at them as confused as I am. Andrew lets go of my hand and comes down the stairs arguing with this woman, Carina, in Italian. I stare at them blankly and confused wondering when my night took this strange turn.

[imagine-a-life-like-this]

Hey, so you can ignore this but I really need to get it out and I can't even cry cause then my mum will panic and I don't want that and you seemed like the person I'd want to have in my life to talk to

I have a final tomorrow and I am so fucking scared, I am in dentistry so the details are already hard enough cause we have to study what a dentist does and what the lab does, so like every other college it is already as difficult as it can be with too much info, but the thing is my college has the final where you have to study both semesters, so I have to cram a whole year worth of info in my brain in like 3 days and like that's doable only if I didn't have an exam just before, so basically every 3 days I have a final and it's so draining to keep doing that over over, especially since I have 9 courses this year (I don't choose my courses, everything is set by the uni), the day of the exam I either go back home and sleep and then I am so burnt out for the next day that I then put myself in a really worse position of having to study everything in 2 days instead of 3.... I already got 7 out of the way the 8th one is in 12 hours and I still have 8 chapters to finish and I am so terrified that I might fail cause I don't have time to even read this much (I don't have time to memorise or anything so I just read the chapters like it's a story and hope for the best) and I can't even cry to anyone cause my mum will just panic and my friends are either asleep or they have their own studies to do so I can't just ask them to help me rn. Idk what to do, like ik I should do as much as I can but I feel like shit cause I do this to myself at some point, like if I just studied in the 3 given days I would not have to be this stressed and scared but at the same time I am so tired and I have no energy for anything I just want to rest and do nothing and it's like a never ending cycle and I hate myself for it. I don't want to have to retake my exams during summer or repeat the year again cause I failed, I hate myself so much that it reached this point

I am so sorry that you're going through this right now, and that you're doing it alone. I wish I could do more for you, but there's only so much I can do through a screen.

I know this will seem counterproductive, but trust me. Take a break to breathe. Drink some water. You're not going to retain any information if you're stressed and panicking. So breathe. Take a few minutes to not do a single thing but breathe.

Then just do what you can. Read through as much as you can, taking breaks when necessary to breathe and drink water. And get some rest before the exam so you can properly focus during it. And then kick ass !!! You got this. You're almost done and then you can relax. Don't think about what might happen and focus only on things you can control.

I'm rooting for you 💪💕

[tiyasrocks]

DAY 14 (07/04/23)

Study - 1/12 😢

Walk - ❌

Reading - ❌

Day 14 was rather unremarkable based on productivity but on the bright side, I mapped out a plan to cover my syllabus before 22nd May (D-Day!)

12 hours study is crucial for my success at this moment considering how much behind I am from my peers.

I have having problem being motivated and am procrastinating a lot.

I read on the internet that procrastination is just a symptom of anxiety.

And I realise I’ve been rather anxious about my exam. I want to genuinely pass it with highest grades but since I’ve so less time and the class notes have faded from my memory with time, I’ve started to become very anxious.

But, here’s the thing my therapist told me - anxiety will lead to nothing.

So, I’ve decided to not again focus on the exam until it’s like a week away, instead focus all my energy on everyday, every hour, every second.

Success is making every second of your life count.

Hence, I promise today to everyone and most importantly, to myself, that I’m gonna spend every moment from now onwards - smiling, happily, PRODUCTIVELY and HONESTLY.

I’ll wake up in the morning with a smile and vigour to solve Physics Questions. Bathe in the morning rays of sun while being mesmerised in the beauty of physics, then wreak my brain until it’s bleeding with charm of Mathematics. Spend time with my brother and belt out my favourite songs, until it’s evening when I prepare myself for a beautiful ride with Chemistry.

(That has got to be the most geekiest thing everrr)

But, somewhere they said -

You need to have a dream much greater than your final destination.

So, I’ve changed my dream from nailing my exams to just waking up with a smile and studying everyday without fail.

Good Night !

[detective-dr-curious]

"you are not oblidged to know how to do something you've never done before"

seems like a very obvious thing right? but even so i just stared at that phrase for literally half an hour, rethinking my whole life.

and its so funny, becuase, schools for example, right?

we are taught things, necessary unnecessary that's another discussion, but we are taught things we generally don't know right? and we are supposed to be learning that stuff right? but also we are immediaetly given homework the very same week and are already expected to be able to do it perfectly, somehow. and same with exams, which just seem endless once the semester begins. which becomes extremely apparent especially when i moved from europe to the us to study.

let me expalin: it's so funny that each homework and quiz and whatever else is counted within the final grade of the course and as a result your gpa, in the us. in my understanding, this means that every single thing you do from start to finish in your semester will result in your gpa being affected.

and here's the thing, in europe homeworks don't count towards your grade, generally. the only thing that counts is if you DID them, again at least where i am from. and just to put it out there, I changed 10+ schools within the 12 grades of school, before going to college, so this wasn't something that only one school had.

and here's the thing, this has NOTHING TO DO WITH EU VS US this is just purely about expectations, becuase at least I PERSONALLY am so used to have this expectation of doing something PERFECTLY the first time that- this phrase had me shocked, sitting at my desk staring at the screen for good 4 minutes.

becuase this expectation was put on me by my parents, by my friends, classmates, teachers and naturally i also now have this expectation of myself but just how wrong is that?

if we go back to the example of schools, if we are meant to be learning, then how come failing classes is a thing? like, i am in college, i have to write lab reports every week, and let me tell you, when i was taking organic chemistry together with its lab (mandatory) I HAD ZERO CLUE ON HOW TO WRITE A LAB REPORT. Becuase i just never had to.

I WAS NOT OBLIDGED TO KNOW HOW TO INSTANTLY WRITE AN A++ LAB REPORT and yet I got 6 or 7 Fs in a row and only passed that class thanks to a C, two Bs and the very last report on which I got my first A ever in that class, passing with an exact narrow window of 70.31. And oh, did i mention that one of my friends who was in the same exchange program as i was and with the same exact cluelessness having failed that class with an avergae of 69.57? oh and the fact that if you fail the lab, you automatically fail the associated class?

and funny enough, i am taking biochemistry right now, again, together with its mandatory lab, and guess what? spare for the last report that i submitted, which was extremely rushed, i dont have any grade that's below an A rn. that is, i actually LEARNED how to write those reports, with each F that i got.

perfect. wonderful. abolutely fantastic.

except may i remind you that it almost cost me 4 ENTIRE CREDITS??? AND WHO KNOWS HOW MANY DOLLARS???

like yeah, the overarching goal of learning was accomplished, sure, but only becuase of my own ability to quickly gain a skill that i was expected to know! AND I WAS NOT OBLIDGED TO KNOW HOW TO DO SOMETHING I HAD NEVER DONE BEFORE!

the thing is, people might disagree with me, becuase apparently you guys do learn how to use the MLA format in high school and how to cite correctly and how to write scientifically acceptable lab reports, so this is more of a foreign students thing than it is general, but please zoom out and look at the bigger picture and at your own life. how many things are expected daily of you that you had never done before? and worst of all, have you ever been laughed at for not being able to do something like this?

add in the fact that i have a very competitve nature, both since birth and due to my environment, as well as very high standards from myself and, well, yeah. mental breakdowns guaranteed.

so, after reading a phrase said by a character comforting another one after their first unsuccesful attempt at sucking dick, i am here to tell you that it's okay if you don't succeed at something on your first try. even if you were labelled as the smart kid, the gifted kid, or if your whole personality is / was based around being the intelligent / capable one.

[i-like-sparkly-things]

Just like old times : Chapter 2

But this was the reality-- he ran. Away from his problems. Away from his girlfriend. And then away from her questions.

Pairing : Will halstead × oc character

Summary : Will and Samarah have a talk. Six years late, but it still counts.

Timeline : Will and Samarah studied in sudan together and later got an internship in New York. In the last few weeks of their internship, Will started drinking. Partying . They went back to sudan, Will supporting Samarah's dream to give back to her community. But the night they reached Sudan, she questioned Will on why he was acting weird. The next day he was gone.

Warnings : drinking, racist threats, Will's irrational decisions actually have consequences

Note : This has been on my mind for 9 months now but still idk what this is. And I'm so so sorry this took so freaking long 😭

MASTERLIST

***

Will's 12-hour shift had finally come to an end after he had managed to treat his sarcoidosis patient.

Grabbing his jacket, he made a beeline for the door of the doctors lounge.

"Going so soon?" Her voice stopped him in his tracks.

He couldnt quite wrap his mind around the fact that she was actually here. In chicago. It would take him awhile to get used to her voice. A voice he once woke up to. "Does that mean you finally paid back all your debt?"

"No , no way.....—" He chuckled, "—I work doubles on weekends"

"Hmm. Well that's not changed." Samarah sighed as she avoided his gaze, and an uncomfortable silence fell upon them, both diving deep into the meaning of those words.

'Changed.'

Oh God —she didn't know how much I'd changed— he thought. The Will standing before her was different. He wasn't that messed up Canaryville boy anymore. He wasn't the one to do one night stands anymore. Hell , he rarely had the time or energy to drink anymore, let alone go to parties.

More importantly, he had grown. Learned. Learned to deal with death. Learned to let go and know when to let go. And when to stop fighting, when to back off. He had learned his own self worth and what it meant to be truly free.

"Let me walk you to your car?" he broke the silence, shifting his weight from one foot to another.

"Sure."

Truly , time had stopped. He forgot what it was like to talk to her. Their conversations flowed from the day's activities to med school stories. Remembering their mutuals, the smart kid's, teacher's pets, and all the people who Will had fought at bars.

It was like the past six years never happened.

They remembered the professors who yelled at them and gave them extra case studies to do even though they had worked piling up. They laughed about Isaac who had shown up for his mid terms in his pajamas, begging the professor to let him into the exam hall.

They remembered the smell of grass when they had gone to the countryside to get away from the city, and the sweet corn dogs they bought from the roadside.

They remembered the man who was more anxious for their child's birth than his wife was. The girl who was unhappy because she only got three stitches and wanted more. The sparkle in the 9-year-old boy's eyes, when he got to hold his baby sister for the first time.

"You know,..... I have two beers waiting at home" she said, as they reached the parking lot.

He shifted his weight from one leg to another, but still answered the implied question, "Sure,.... I'll follow your car"

***

Cardboard boxes were stacked against each other. A TV on the wall, and a couch in front of it. the kitchen was bare with nothing on the shelves. The island was scattered with mail and bills and stacks of books. It was simple and had a pleasent atmosphere around it.

"Nice place. " Will said, as he looked around, "Thought you said you moved here two weeks ago?"

"I did. I was staying at my parents' place but moved here two days back"

"Hmm. " He leaned against the couch, taking everything in.

"What ?"

"What do you mean? "

"You looked surprised, almost shocked today morning when I talked to you."

He let out a laugh "Honestly,..... I didn't think you would want to talk to me again. I wasn't the best boyfriend you know? Remember what you told me?"

God, he dreaded this conversation. He had left her—no— ran away from her, the last time they talked. He moved back to Chicago . He had booked the tickets in a haste, not sparing a moment for thought. Not wanting to face the truth.

But this was the reality— he ran. away from his problems. Away from his girlfriend. And then away from her questions.

"You don't understand Will , being with you was-was..... a rollercoaster" she looked away, her body now supported by the kitchen island facing Will .

"Some days were...... perfect.  Waking up to your breakfast and you shooing me away from the kitchen. Walks by the lakes and searching for new coffee shops. Our garden....... cramming for tests together in the library. I remember always wanting to come back to our small apartment ..... because I knew that's where you would be" she sighed.

"But I couldn't, Will. I dont know why but in the middle of everything ..... you started drinking. We fought all the time and there were so many days I would wait for you to come back home. When I was drowning myself in tears you-...... you were partying..... never texting me back. and you would show up in the morning and I-I couldn't-I just couldn't" her voice cracked as tears filled her eyes from past memories.

"I was already dealing with so much. Everything was so new to me..... I was the only black woman in the entire university. I was trying to learn to navigate my life. My career. Everyone told me that med school would be hard, but nothing prepared me for the looks I got and all the threats. Everyone was shocked at any answer I got right. Being constantly reminded of any mistake I had ever made.......some days the thought of coming home to you........ that was what got me through the day" she said, shaking her head as a tear made its way down her cheek.

"And then...... and then you come home after drinking all night" she spat.

"Zarah...." Will's voice was barely a whisper while using her nickname. It felt so familiar yet so different, almost like he had lost the right to call her that.

"I never partied till the morning. I usually left before midnight. I used to sleep at that bus stop in front of our building, so I could sober up before coming home to you"

Samarah's head snapped up to meet his gaze.

"I wasn't going to come home drunk Samarah. I was dealing with my own problems. That was my fault. My problems weren't your problems"

She didn't know what to feel. Relief ? Sadness? Anger, maybe?

"I saw what you were facing....... you didn't need to get dragged into my problems as well........ you deserved--deserve-- more than that"

"Ha." she scoffed, "I deserved more? You left remember? When I asked you why you don't talk about your mother, you left. You left to another country! If you really loved me..... you wouldn't be ashamed of bringing a black girl home !!"

Frustration and anger spewed out of her ears, finally saying what she had wanted to say for a long time. Something that had burdened her for the past six years. She knew that someone who she had shared so many memories with, who she had gone to Med school and later worked together with, had ditched her because of her race.

Will's eyes widened at what he was hearing "Samarah...." he shook his head, "that's not why I left .......I -I didn't tell you that .... .... that ...... my mom had...... died" he breathed out, desperately trying to blink his tears away. "You kept asking questions and I didn't want to fight.............. and I-I couldn't handle it. It was everything that was going on. I realized that I had left Jay all alone to look after mom. I didnt think he would talk to me again ..... and the camp was basiccally throwing money at us and I-I couldn't anymore. That's why I left "

God, he wished he could travel back in time and slap some sense into his past self. To tell his past self to be honest with Samarah , to tell her everything-- good or bad-- because she deserved to know. To not be left in the dark.

An eerie silence fell upon them. Six years of holding in feelings, and being afraid to find the truth. Six years of unspoken words, and six years worth of repressed emotions.

Will took in a deep breath. "I'm sorry, " He looked at her with pleading eyes. "--I was trying to deal with my moms death alone, but that wasn't an excuse to come home late or to leave you without a word. I shouldn't have kept you in the dark."

Now , it was her turn to kick him out of her apartment. But he was relieved that she gave him a chance to explain, even if it meant losing her again. This was all his fault anyway. If he had just talked to her, this conversation wouldn't be happening. She wouldn't be crying in her new apartment.

She took in a sharp breath and wiped her face with her hands. "I guess we both had a lot of growing to do" she laughed, not believing what had just happened.

"Me more than you."

"Hmm "she looked at will. Her anger had dissipated, her chest slowly relaxing , taking in the revelations.

His arms crossed his chest and he'd gotten taller and muscular --but you know, who cares? he's your ex. whatever.-- and god, his hair was curlier than ever.

She remembered when they were sharing a dorm, that he had more hair products than she did.

And damn...... a beard looks really good on him-- but again she didn't care. Obviously.

"You know what?" Will broke the silence, "I should introduce you to everyone, even Jay." he smiled.

"He still a puny kid?"

Will just laughed, and shook his head.

***

If you liked it like/rb!!

Tags: @ingiee @lxna-mikaelsxn @sarahsreesecups

[ellarosedesignmaui]

In The Blink of an eye my Dreams Shattered

From what I can remember, it was a pretty routine day back on Friday, June 4th, 2010. Little did I know my whole life was about to change forever in more ways than I ever imagined possible!

Life to me was just perfect, at a time when spring was in the air and summer was almost here, I felt terrific. It is the best time of year in Lower Michigan.

I was finally about to graduate from college, and I felt on top of the world. Exams were due Monday, and there was only one more term to go.

Determined nothing was going to stand in my way!

I had just won an award for my designs.

Little did I know my life was soon going to be ripped away by a thief in the night.

Little did I know my life was soon going to be ripped away by a thief in the night.

A Typical Day Building The Dream

It was a usual day, to be in the workshop anywhere from 12 to 24 hours a day, yet the first time in four years, school wasn’t open 24/7 especially during exams.  

I can’t count how often I was there a few days at a time, usually in midterms and final exams. 

Soon security was announcing we needed to leave, as they were closing campus.  As I was packing up, dreading my hour drive home only to turn around to come back in the morning.  

As I was leaving a classmate I ran into walking out; Knowing the long drive I had kindly offered me to stay with her.  She lived very close to campus, & saving me hours of driving.

Before My Shattered Dreams

I knew everyone and everyone knew me! Whether they liked me not sure, like to think so! I had a rare opportunity to work for the Detroit Pistons, for ten years meeting tons of people. 

“I was an outspoken individual. I often had strong opinions and beliefs.”

I had recently spent the past 10 years figuring out who I was after previous life struggles. I was working on moving past some childhood experiences! Before starting School I was almost always with someone in the above photo.  

I’m blessed with some of the most amazing friends and family I could ever ask for! Their love & believing in me so much to succeed at all my crazy passions got me to this point. Supportive of my crasy callings.

I was on my way with great opportunities after graduation I set up a plan for the future! 

There was always a very close group of us from college who always pushed each other to reach new heights. We knew each other well, knowing the chances are only a few of us would make it. Based on statistics fashion is extremely high cut throat industry. 

We were the few who always put in the work.  

We were so determined to take it to the top!  Rather than be self serving, it wasn’t uncommon for us to lend a hand in need.  Especially, if one of our inner circle was to overwhelmed. 

A group of us very dedicated to succeeding became more like family!  Often spending more time together, then our actual family’s.  I’ll always be eternally grateful for them, & love each of my fashion family! 

Dark Starless Sky

Unsure, how the other girl is feeling now or her scaring I’m respecting her privacy not saying her name. she invited me to stay saving me 2 hours of driving time on no sleep! See we looked out bit. Although, if I knew then what I do now I would have drove that 100x over! 

I followed her home that night. It was so dark, looking up and not a star in the sky. I also remember it raining at some point that horrible night. It’s weird how you become acutely aware, of your surroundings at times with smells, sounds, a chill in the air, after the fact.

We both run inside and lock the door behind us. Being that is was nearing summer, it was extremely hot that night. We ended up cracking the 2nd-floor balcony door for air. We were studying for a bit, getting a lot of done and feeling good. Never in my wildest dreams did I ever think the end of my world as I knew it was mere seconds away.

How you deal with change in the blink of an eye

“Never Saw It Coming, just took the blink of an eye!”

My friend stepped away to return, holding up a bag with two bagels in it, asked if I wanted one. I stood up quickly, took one step forward as I pointed to one, yes, please.

Within just seconds, my life was going to change, unaware of what was about to happen.

We had turned our backs from the cracked balcony door for only a brief second!

Suddenly a masked man was standing behind me with a gun to my head. My head was going crazy.  These questions still haunt me.

How did he get in here that fast?  Had he been watching us for a while?  Did he follow us there?  Did he know my friend?

All these thoughts and questions are going through my head as I stand there, fearing for my life. Things like this don’t happen here; this is not normal.

Stuck In A Nightmare

I couldn’t help myself. I screamed, bloody murder when I saw a gun to my head. I swore someone had to hear and would call the police!

“But it had to be a joke better yet!”

Reality became clear…

as we then instructed to drop to our knees and put hands behind our back! As crazy as it sounds there was something I trusted when he said don’t make another noise & I won’t hurt you!

He said this while tying our arms up so might have been crazy! But it was all I could do to stay calm!

He then walked us into her room. Then laid us across her bed face down. As he began going back to the door he let in other men. We never saw with our eyes covered .

Catch me on Facebook Elizabeth Marie Rose Facebook.com/Elizabeth.m.rose.3

Then they began searching every room. Soon realized it was for something to tie our feet up with. He grabbed a phone cord charger for that and covered our heads. before they proceeded to let in another 3-4 other men we never saw! As he began going back to the door he let in other men.

I remember that for someone that’s hard of hearing. I could hear everything now. It was like God knew I needed my hearing it was the only sense I had to work with! Although the way we set, her and I were able to clench fingers.  

I was so thankful because that was what kept me from crumbling.  We would squeeze our fingers, like we were not in this alone!

Im strong mm

Surviving During Trauma

Your body goes into a state of survival that’s unlike anything else when your life’s in danger.

I’ve never been able to explain the full-body calm that comes over you in a time like this.

I wanted to react, but I was also calm somehow and wanted to believe him, hoping his statement was true.

My rational mind says; who trust someone holding you hostage, but my mind in fear wants to believe him.

I just remember how tight I clung to her fingers to remember we were in this together.

I just couldn’t understand why the police hadn’t arrived yet. I had screamed for my life, as loud and terrified as you can imagine, praying that someone had heard.

“I had a gun put to my head, where was our help?”

These men, although I couldn’t see, I could hear clearly for one of the only times in my life. I could hear the steps on the floor. I was trying to count how many I heard.

I listened to everything hoping to remember something to help.  So when we got to the police; I’d be able to answer questions.  I wanted to find out about who these men were.

Your Focus Determines Your Future

The Demands & Questions Begin

As I heard them opening everything and going through boxes, one of the men who was very mean, kept asking me what was in a box near my head. 

I didn’t know; I didn’t live there.   Suddenly, he kicked me demanding answers,  when I was spoken to.  I said I don’t live here and have no idea! 

Next He wanted our info and said if you lie, I will kill you! 

Now honestly, there wasn’t anything I was not telling because I knew he meant it.

I just kept praying she did the same because he had a tone in his voice like it didn’t matter.

He started asking for our debit card pins. I gave mine hoping they would use it, which could help the police find them.

He also wanted all of our passwords and pins for everything.

We were asked over and over again by the mean guy for our password and pins, and it became clear he wanted to make sure we were not lying.

I remember the relief felt  realizing she had answered correctly also.

This when on multiple times over the few hours we were held.  

This is more true then you know!!

I Didn't Know How Much More I Could Take

They soon wanted more answers to where things were in the house. Again, the mean man kicked me so hard demanding, “what’s in the box?”

“I cried, no idea! I don’t live here, but if I knew I’d tell you.”

Time was moving so slowly, it was not that big of a place! 

I don’t understand what they were doing or what was taking so long.

As the hours passed by, I knew no one was coming to help, so I gave up on hope.

“We were utterly alone, no one knew we even needed help at this point, so that’s when some despair started setting in. “

But, wait could it be? 

I finally heard them talking about leaving.

Wait No, I just heard my car door unlock.  Then hearing it drive away.

“All I could think of was I have no way out of here!”

The worst was it still wasn’t over because we heard the mean man say he was staying here, to make sure they got away.

It put chills down my spine. It had seemed like forever as he walked so loud as he waited.

I prayed alll this time and dispite how were were treated I still praying for kindness! Who was I to wish Ill on anyone I just tried to be true to my heart and honestly hope it would help them show us some kindness!

As Trauma Survivor I Wasn't Free At All

Suddenly it was so quiet in the house, I couldn’t tell what was going on, but then I felt like a finally alone. 

Like the silence after a snow storm. We were alone; they had all left.

Intense fear washed over me, as I had no idea where the mean guy had gone, or if he had left, so I waited but was starting to tremble, shaking.

I waited for what felt like forever but was probably 10 minutes before I cried out, “are you still here, we won’t get up if you are.” 

We continued to wait, but that’s when I started to hyperventilate; I was terrified and needed help.

With what little bit of sense I could muster, I thought for a moment, and then I clenched my fists to begin to break free. I didn’t want to mess with any evidence.

I did what they had taught me in Taekwondo, to keep pulling my fists through the ties. It took a while, but eventually, I got my hand free. 

The closer I got, the more I was breaking apart emotionally.

Where did they leave out? What direction had he gone? It haunted me!

Not knowing where they had gone was paralyzing me with fear.

Once I got my hands free, I then helped my friend. She was so much calmer. I didn’t understand how, but after getting her hands free.  We both freed our legs.

I tried to stand, but my knees buckled, full of fear. We both laid on our stomachs to army crawl with our elbows to the door as we didn’t know if we were being watched, and it was making us both crumble in fear.

Our phones and computers were gone, so we had no way to call for help.

There are no words to describe my sheer terror at that point. One would think we were safe, but not knowing where he’d gone was paralyzing us.

As we both let ourselves fall apart, for a few minutes trying to process things. 

I looked her straight in the eyes and said we need to get out.  Yet, so scared I can’t move we need to call for help.

She was brave and opened the door; thank God there was no one out there!

when times get hard I remember this and it helps me remember Im here to help others!!

Help wasn't Easy To Find

I went to knock on the neighbor’s door, but she stopped me saying that was a family!  Without hesitation, I thought perfect because they are likely to help.  Then as the dad cracked the door, I just cried “please we need help call the police please.”

He hadn’t even unlocked the latch, so it was still locked as he proceeded to close the door.

We were banging on doors begging for help after the 1st man dismissed us in such dier time of need. Who does that when we just said we needed help?

https://instagram.com/ellarosemaui_

No one answered until we got to the bottom floor, then finally, a couple let us come in until the police arrived.

The neighbor said, “oh, that was the scream we had heard.”   My heart sank, I thought, he could have helped us if he heard it and called the police to check it out.

Neither of us could go in the apartment once we got out, regardless of police we couldn’t return.

I looked at her as I realized my tailoring jacket was in my car that had been stolen and immediately just focused on my exams that were due Monday.

The Missing Jacket matched this purse. Dispite getting it back I never was capable of finishing it. there was way to much emotion in that to deal with.

No Not My Family

“Then it hit me like a ton of bricks!”

That they had taken my keys along with my phone and my car pretty much my whole life! My brand new Malibu watch had home programmed in, and so did my phone.

“It gets worse, they had my keys to get into my parent’s house.”

Immediately began calling to warn them and let them know what happened, but no one answered, I called every phone number! This  was not like them, this started to make me worry more. 

“Did this mean the thieves were already there?”

My mind jumped to the worse. It was so unlike my parents as my mom sleeps with one eye open, I swear.

Why weren’t they answering and were they ok? It felt like the longest 45 minutes before I got a hold of them to warm them to put on the deadbolts.

Soon on their way to the Amber apartments to get me.

The days to come are a blur. To this day, I still haven’t fully processed what had happened.

The Troy police officer, was very surprised and admitted he was new to the unit but had never seen anything like this.

Despite trying to stay calm, I was shaking uncontrollably as we told the detective what happened.

Beautifully Broken Is My New Reality

I started to realize how broken I was and the damage that was done.

The next few weeks would be some of the toughest of my life.

My way of coping; I stressed over my exams, my jacket that had been done to perfection and completed all but the hem.  This was our main senior project.  It was designed and made over 2 terms.   

I had made a purse to match, busted my tail, getting it done. I loved my army green denim fabric with a bright, colorful polka dot lining that fit me perfectly.

I have a photo of the purse I made to match, even adding a red button. 

I added a large button in the bag to clip my keys to since I always lose them so hoping this would help them not get lost so easily.

I don’t know if this was the best way of coping, yet who knows what’s normal as nothing I was going through was normal. 

I hoped keeping busy would help keep my mind off reality.  

In the Blink of an Eye, Life's Never Be The Same

My life was forever changed in ways I never expected. 

I used to be so full of life, loving, carefree heart has now turned to stone only full of fear.

I can’t go anywhere without wondering if they’re here or near.

It’s made me so sad I often just cry, as I remember how much I tried to live my life to the fullest.

When you’re afraid to leave your house or be alone, it makes living difficult.

Adjusting to a life of flashbacks & nightmares, I try to keep smiling, pretending I’m not broken.

The reality is, all I want is to be happy again, that genuine feeling that makes you feel full inside is empty and dark.  As dark as the night it happened in a starless sky, my dreams now are evolving, and I understand why.

I need to help others find a reason to push through and try.

Trying to remember my loved ones don’t understand; however, it doesn’t mean they don’t try. The only way to truly understand what it’s like, one must experience it, yet I wish that on no one.

These were my closest support system all grown up and Im always grateful for them for all they are and have become!

Dreams Delayed but not gone Forever!

Now 10 years delayed. I’m about to do my life dreams. I got some amazing experiences from those years. Through, working with brilliant people who helped me get here! Ready to become vulnerable again.

I’ve realized how important it is to start the discussion about Mental Health Awareness and support for Trauma Survivors.  I’ve decided that I’m going to use my passion to share my love of fashion, in addition to including education for the many women suffering Mental Health Illness and Trauma Survivors.  

shop now

By Choosing this path I’m deciding to take back control of my life.  Choosing to use what I went through to help others, as, my life changed in the blink of an eye.  Unfortunately, stigmas need to be changed and I strongly believe most are due to lack of education.  By helping educate our society is essential to winning the battle.  It’s been too long now there is a negative association with anyone suffering mental health. 

We all make a choice in life, to be part of the problem or part of the solution.  In my experience I know all to well the lack of support for this cause.  I’m choosing to be a change I know is needed. 

My Dream is to help women build their self-love and confidence to accept themselves in every way.  No one is perfect, so by continuing to make a conscious effort to improve our mindset and allow ourselves to be authentic.  I hope this will help improve how many see yourself and see our strengths as ways to make this world better more loving and accepting place. 

Especially, for the friends and family of individuals suffering.  I needing them more then ever trying to sort through the new way of life.  Yet, it’s a double edged sword, your feeling more lost and alone than ever before.  We push people away not understanding how bad it is!  Don’t let your loved ones do that regardless how hard they try.  Your exactly what they need most.   

My friend Sarah since middle school reunited after moving home from Texas.

Those Suffering Invisible Scars You're Not Alone

My life is forever changed in ways I never expected, quicker then you can blink an eye.  My dream now is to help create much needed change.

Sadly, it can be anyone’s future.  We never know, especially with the number growing of both school & public shootings.   Each one is creating a far larger number of people suffering effects of trauma and mental illness.

https://ellarosemaui.com

Award I won for sharing this story of survival!

I’m sharing this deeply personal detailed experience of how my life changed in the blink of an eye. 

Yes, it’s scary, traumatizing, and ultimately life-changing part of my past.  I’m sharing for anyone suffering invisible scars to know you’re not alone.

Keep fighting because you’re stronger than it!

When you’re feeling the fear of it just push a bit more, that’s how I’m trying to accomplish more. Most importantly, if there’s one thing you take from this.  Those of us broken by invisible scars on our soul and are still damaged and broken, please don’t judge us negatively.

It’s easy to think we are not hurting because we probably look the same. The hardest comment I heard over and over was, at least you are ok. I was so not ok, not even close, just remember the invisible scars can hurt the most. 

Never judge your loved one because that’s the worst for the person in pain on the inside.

We need our families more than you know, and even when we say “no,” just keep on loving us anyway!

“You can never tell a book by its cover.”

Lester Fuller and Edwin Rolfe

[gauravp01]

Thurs, 6 Apr 2023; 11:55 PM

It's been more than two weeks and I am on my blog #04.

Maybe I don't feel to write anything these days. Is it the platform that matters to me while writing?? Idk.

Since I left Tumblr, it's not the same. There used to be a strong feeling to write something there, maybe because people had started reading them... But whatever it was, I think I was liking it

The fonts, format and the whole interface was just amazing.

I think when I will upload the blog here, it will look completely different from what I am looking right now...

But I think I will continue blogger only...

I also have decided to upload some of the Tumblr blogs on blogger, on the educational blog. The blogs about my B.Ed. internship would be there...

I will also share my journey to clear the IIT JAM exam in 2020... Although I didn't took admission in any institute on the basis of it, but it gave me a chance to build a career in online teaching through Unacademy... Will talk about it in detail in that blog....

If you still don't know, it is MyStudyTable.in that I have recently launched ...

A few more interviews of the students from IIT Ropar are awaiting...

It's not going so consistent...

But ya, I have joined the academy again, it's the first week and my body hurts so bad.... Get ready to study 2-3 hours after waking up. Don't know why I feel so lazy these days... I had analysed that using mobile phone just before sleeping might be a reason and I had decided to not do so again... But it's 12:03 now and I am writing a blog, that too after watching some YouTube videos..

Nothing, but it shows how consistent and how punctual I am... Maybe I need some more introspection...

Daily diary writing is a way to introspect yourself without a dear of being judged by someone else...

Will try to be more regular and said this hundreds of time earlier🥲😅

I had tried to be on a routine and had fixed a routine in my mind as well, but seems Little bit difficult until I work on a few habits of mine...

I just remembered about my decision of "almost" quitting the fast food, soft drinks, bcz these are enough to make someone feel lazy throughout the day...

These things decrease the productivity upto a great level...

So will try to stay away from them as much as possible...

Good Night 🌃

[occasionalsurveys]

What’s your favourite place to get pizza?

Lately its been at this sports bar we like going to

Did you ever get detention in school? What for?

No, I was too much of a goody-goody lol

Do you believe in horoscopes?

No but they're still fun to read

When you were growing up, did you share a bedroom with anyone?

I shared a bedroom with my younger brother until maybe 10?

Have you ever worn a wig?

I know I have for Halloween but I forgot what I was, it was when I was a kid

Do you have any trips coming up?

Yes! We're going to St. Petersburg tomorrow for a WWE NXT event. Then in Dec, we're spending NYE weekend in Tampa (going to WWE SmackDown on Fri 12/30, doing a NYE Cruise on Sat 12/31 to ring in 2023 then TB Bucs vs Carolina Panthers game on Sun 1/1!

This is the first time we're taking vacation together in a long time (all other PTO/vacation days were spent with family or visiting friends) so this time alone is very much needed.

If you could take lessons/classes for anything, what would you do?

Japanese classes. I took some before and they were super helpful!

When was the last time you had an eye exam?

July

Have you ever eaten Indonesian food?

I dont think so

Do you have any spaces to park a car at your home?

I just park in the driveway

What accents do you really struggle to understand?

I'm usually pretty good with understanding them

Do you have a Bachelor’s degree?

No, just an Associates

What’s the first thing you see when you look to your left?

My water bottle

Do you have a big sweet tooth?

No, more salt-tooth

Have you ever been mistaken for a celebrity?

No

Do you plan to do much or go anywhere for the upcoming weekend?

I have tomorrow off and my Husband and I got tickets for WWE NXT in St. Petersburg so we're going up there tomorrow afternoon. On Saturday (since we'll already be up that way), we'll be going to the Sarasota Renaissance Festival

Right now, are you hot, cold or just right?

A little cold

What’s your regional term for swimwear? I’m Aussie so I call them swimmers :)

Swimsuit

Have you had caffeine today?

Yes, I had a cup of coffee this morning

Do you own any textbooks? Are you currently studying from them?

Yes I do - Japanese and Korean study books (I dont study Korean anymore but I'm still going through my Japanese one - Genki). I also own a couple of Series 7 and Series 66 books that I was studying from before I took those exams (worst exams I've ever taken but somehow I passed both!)

What were the last earrings you wore? Where did you get them?

They were leaf looking ones made out of leather. I borrowed them from my Sister-In-Law when we went to the Renaissance Festival in my homestate when we visited a few months ago. Whenever we go, we always dress up in Medieval attire! Its a lot of fun!

Are you waiting for anything right now?

Yes, to be done with work so i can start my 3 day weekend!! Only 5.5 hours to go....

Do you know how to drive a stick-shift/manual transmission car?

No >< my Dad tried so hard to teach me but I just could not get the hang of it. I wish I continued learning though

What sort of music have you been listening to lately?

None really. I've been listening to SeinCast on my way to work in the mornings (awesome Seinfeld poscast!) Then on my drive home, I listen to the Dave and Mahoney show (they play Rock music occasionally)

Where is your crush/lover right now? Make a guess if you don’t know.

Hes probably in bed, hes feeling sick :(

When was the last time you had blood taken?

Its been a very long time

Have you ever watched the original Japanese version of Iron Chef?

No

Do you hate it when taxis and ride share drivers ask you a lot of questions?

I dont take taxis or rideshares.

What scent is your body wash or soap?

I'm not sure, its my shampoo that doesnt have a distinctive smell. I mean it smells good but nothing I can really pinpoint

When did you move into the house you currently live in?

We moved into my in-laws house Oct 2020 and it was supposed to be a short-lived thing until we could buy our own house - and FINALLY they started building it so we'll be moving into it Feb/March 2023. We were not supposed to be living with them this long and it has been super difficult for us BUT we're very thankful because its allowed us to save up for a pretty good down-payment.