faulknerwrites

[ruewrote]

𝑤ℎ𝑖𝑠𝑝𝑒𝑟𝑠 𝑓𝑟𝑜𝑚 𝑡ℎ𝑒 ℎ𝑒𝑎𝑟𝑡.

PAIRING: stiles stilinski x fem!reader WARNINGS: none GENRE: fluff SONG INSPIRATION: teenage dream by katy perry WORD COUNT: 1.2k

navigation | ask | stiles stilinski masterlist

it wasn't out of the blue for you and stiles to have a sleepover on fridays, actually it was a sort of unspoken rule between the two of you.

it first started when you said that you had never watched star wars before, which led to the both of you sitting on your couch with a big bowl of popcorn in between.

him explaining the little parts you'd get confused about or him just ranting about his favourite scenes. after that it was a back and forth of showing each other your favourite unseen movies.

when finishing said movie the following days you'd receive multiple memes from him about the specific films, it had become a recurring pattern that you'd come to love. it almost felt weird if he didn't.

tonight it was your turn to introduce him to the to all the boys i loved before trilogy since you'd been obsessed with the movies since they first came out.

he was on the fence about watching them since he wasn't a huge fan of romcoms, you somehow convinced him by saying "it's practice for watching them with your future girlfriend!" internally wincing at that.

every friday you felt more anxious before stiles showed, trying to fluff up your pillows and straighten out your blankets. wanting to make everything perfect.

you had a huge crush on stiles, how could you not after spending so much time together, learning all of his little quirks, his likes and his dislikes, the only thing you weren't sure about was the way he felt about you.

it was the one thing you wanted to know the most about him. did he think about you the same ways you thought about him? did he like the way cuddled when you'd watch these movies and shows with him?

you couldn't tell him though, what if he didn't feel the same way you did and it completely ruins the good friendship you have right now?

what would it take for you to finally tell him?

ding dong!

the doorbell ringing a couple times had you jogging down the stairs, opening the door with a warm smile to see hyper stiles.

"i'm so ready to get my movie night on! i had a math test today and let me tell you it sucked," he whines as he dramatically wraps his arms around your waist as he fake cries into your shoulder.

"well if it helps i have enough microwaveable popcorn to keep us going through the apocalypse soo you coming upstairs or what?"

with that said he zips past you up your stairs, falling up them in the process, making you giggle at his eagerness as you follow close behind him.

watching stiles practically swan dive onto your bed and aggressively sniff your pillow has you side eyeing him, "why is your bed so much comfier and smells so much nicer than mine? it's so not fair."

"it's a little thing called fabric softener and if you continuously jump into your bed the way you do mine, then i guess you've got your answer you dufus," you laugh at him burrowing himself deep under your duvet.

"plus i've slept in your bed it's plenty comfy, the key is lots of pillows and fluffy blankets." he hums as you settle yourself beside him before pressing play on the movie.

it was like ten minutes into the film when you could feel him slightly shuffle closer to you, keeping your eyes on the screen pretending it didn't happen. just patiently waiting until he felt comfortable enough to say something.

"can...can we cuddle?" you wordlessly lifted your arm, letting him slip himself under, his head on your chest, the rest of his body lightly pressed to your side.

it was like second nature to you two, whether either one of you had a bad week you'd take turns holding each other. you helped install healthy mannerisms that proved that it was okay for a man to be held because they deserve it too and that it was okay for guys to cry no matter who they're with.

so yes , when he had a rough day he'd often walk up to you and bury his face into your neck, his arms firmly wrapped around you as you cupped the back of his head and rubbed soft circles on his back just letting him know that you were there for him.

with everything he had gone through he deserved all the comfort he could get and if the source was you then so be it.

you would be lying if you said that your heart didn't speed up at the closeness and how his touch on your skin left goosebumps.

trying to be as casual as possible, you raise the hand that was currently wrapped around his shoulders to gently stroke his hair, feeling him physically melt into you calmed your nerves.

feeling your eyelids slowly droop, your hand movements become slower so your palm now laid on the back of his neck, fighting sleep felt so difficult when he was beside you. his presence was so peaceful, comforting even without him saying anything.

the early start of your day hitting even harder now. He won't mind if you rested your eyes for a little bit, right?

stiles noticed the similarities between the two characters to the both of you, but there's no way that you deliberately put this on as a sign? was he reading too deep into it?

when he went to question you about it, lifting his head he was met with you sleeping peacefully. his gaze softened at the sight, gently tucking the piece of hair that fell in front of your face.

"you are so goddamn beautiful and don't even know it, even when you sleep? like can you save some beauty for the rest of us?" he chuckles at his own joke.

"i don't know how long i can keep pretending that i'm not totally in love with you...there really isn't anything that i wouldn't do for you." he whispers and he studies your features.

"it's honestly crazy how i feel your absence in everything that i do when i'm alone, in every place i go without you." he sighs, going to go back to watching the tv.

"you really mean all of that?" you whisper, making him jump back.

"uh- i-i do, but i thought you were asleep?"

"no i was just resting my eyes, but i'm sorta glad that you thought i was for you to finally confess your feelings for me." you smirk at him.

his mouth opens and closes, utterly bewildered at what you just said, "what do you mean finally?"

"You realise that i like you too, right? that i have for the longest time?" stiles eyes now wide, looking even more lost than before.

"you like me? like like me like me?"

sitting up, grasping the back of his neck, "what are you..." pulling him closer, your lips brushing against his. it takes him a second to register the kiss before melting into it. leaning closer to deepen the kiss. his hands brushing over your hips as he laid you down, now hovering over you. your hand running through his hair, tugging at the roots.

you're both now smiling as you share a few more pecks before pulling away. "so you do like me!" he grins, "oh my god. dude yes!"

"ya know if you're gonna be my girlfriend, you're gonna have to calling me dude."

"would you prefer shnookums?"

"that's it!" he pulled away just enough to tickle you.

from that night forth you and stiles had become inseparable, practically connected at the hip. but you wouldn't want it any other way.

comments and reblogs are appreciated ♡

© ruewrote 2024.

[wolfgirl-sister]

"We need to have a talk."

"Is this about grades? You know I'm still not planning on college."

"No, it's not that. It's... a delicate matter."

"What's going on?"

"I don't know if you've noticed, but your sister has feelings for you."

"Wait, what? What do you mean?"

"She's in love with you, and from what I can tell, it's more than just a crush."

"You're joking, right? You really shouldn't j—"

"It wouldn't be a very funny joke, would it?"

"Are you sure you're not misreading things? It could be anything."

"She's been losing sleep, and she's barely eating. Her grades have been dropping, and you know she's a good student. I asked her what was wrong, and... she told me everything."

"What's everything?"

"I'll leave that for her. It's not my place to meddle, and I wouldn't have betrayed her confidence if I didn't think it was important."

"That's... Is she okay? I noticed she seemed quiet lately, but I thought that was just because I wasn't around..."

"We're going out to eat later tonight, her choice, and I'm writing her a note to bring to school so she can have a couple of days off to rest. It might not be fair, but I need to ask a favor of you."

"Yeah, of course. Anything, if it helps her."

"It's not my place to dictate how you two feel about one another. If you reciprocate her feelings and you two decide to act on them, I'm happy to support you. If you don't, I can help make sure that she's keeping healthy boundaries."

But first, I need you to promise that you'll spend time with her. She needs you right now, and I don't think there's anyone that can fill your place for her. Second... Please don't break her heart. Her feelings for you are serious, and you need to take that into consideration."

"I wouldn't. I would never hurt her."

"Good. And one more thing: Being young and not having relationship experience can make things difficult, even moreso when there's a stigma like this. I know it might feel weird, but you can always come to me if you need help."

"Wait, as in...?"

"You're going to need relationship advice sooner or later, and I'll do my best to help you two."

"You're acting like it's a given that we're getting together."

"I've done your laundry for the past 17 years. There's only so many times I can find your sister's panties in your hamper before it stops being a coincidence. You're lucky that I didn't say anything when I replaced the ones you stained."

"Mom!"

[bingbongsupremacy]

Maybe Someday

Pairing: Joel Miller x older!Reader

Warnings: Idk anything about horses or how to prep them for rides.

Summary: You've been hardcore crushing on your neighbor Joel Miller since the day he, Tess and Ellie arrived in Jackson. Rumor has it he's in a relationship with Tess. Maybe someday he'll finally return your feelings.

*Not Proof Read* TLOU Masterlist

I did my best not to mention anything very descriptive in this. Nothing about looks, gender, race, etc. If I messed up on anything please let me know. Thank you!

*****

" Stop day dreaming about Joel and get back to work, will ya? I'm trying to be out of here before I turn 90. " Maria's tone is laced with amusement.

I snap my eyes away from the man across the street. A warm rush crawls up my cheeks and I quickly turn my attention to the horse in front of me. " I'm not staring at anyone. " I argue, making sure Maria's horse's stirrups are secured properly.

" Sure, Y/N. " Maria chuckles slightly before getting up on the horse.

A small gruff laughter snaps my attention right back to Joel. He pats Ellie on the head before hopping onto his horse. Our eyes don't meet as he walks past the stall, his attention fully on the kid walking besides him.

" You know, there someone new in town I think you'd get along with. " Maria hums. " He's one of the new ones we brought in last week. "

I shake my head. " I'm good Maria. "

" What? Why? " Maria asks while we walk out of the stalls.

My nose scrunches at the thought of the last blind date Maria set me up on . The man was anything but a charmer, insisting on asking uncomfortable questions the moment we met up at the bar. Todd still winks at me whenever we happen to run into each other. " You don't have the best record for blind dates. "

" That's not true. " Maria shakes her head. " Sure, a few of them were misses, sure. But what about Jimmy? He was definitely a looker. "

I roll my eyes. " Maria! "

" What? I'm married, not dead. " She chuckles. The early morning sun sends a small glow over Jackson, making the normally bustling town seem slightly abandoned. Most people aren't out of their homes yet.

" He's only about 10 years younger than me. He was attractive though, I'll give you that. " Maria's obsession with setting me up on blind dates is at times, irritating. I understand she wants me to feel the same happiness she feels with Tommy, I'd just rather find it on my time. Besides, it wouldn't be fair to date someone while my mind's stuck on Joel.

I shouldn't be this flustered at the thought of our past conversations. They've always been polite and...normal. No romance in sight. Nothing worthy of replaying in my head over and over.

Somehow my heart doesn't seem to understand. When I look at Joel I feel like a teenager with a strong crush on a kid in their class. It's...ridiculous. I'm not a teenager and I haven't been for years.

So why doesn't this stupid crush understand?

" Just give it a shot, will you? One last time. If this one ends badly, I'll let go of all this forever. "

Maria and I arrive at the gate where Joel, Tommy and one of the newer residents are waiting.

" Fine. One shot. " I sigh.

A grin breaks out on Maria's face. " I'll let him know. "

I really don't understand why I agreed. Every blind date I've ever gone on has ended up in either heartbreak or disappointment. I guess part of me hopes she's finally setting me up with the one man I really want her to.

He has a girlfriend.

Maybe. They haven't fully come out as a couple. The lingering touches are hard to ignore though.

It's never going to happen. I need to drop it.

" Safe trip guys. " I smile at the patrol groups around the gate.

I watch as the group disappears outside of the gates. With a sigh, I turn around and head back to the stables.

Maybe this date turn out okay.

+++++

I was wrong.

I'm going to kill Maria.

It's been half an hour and I'm already thinking of ways to lose this guy.

" I'd protect you. With me, you have nothing to worry about. " Ryan states confidently while taking a swig from his moonshine. " I've killed so many of those freaks, it's child's play now. "

This man has spent the last ten minutes raving about his excellent infected killing skills.

We're in a world surrounded with infected every day, what on earth makes him think I want to think about it more?

" Mhm. " I hum while taking a sip of my own drink.

I glance around the very busy bar. It's a Friday night after all, everyone and their mother is here. My eyes land on Joel's familiar form. He's seated a few feet away at the bar, his back completely to the table Ryan and I are at.

I was so preoccupied with drinking enough alcohol to help me tolerate the man across from me that I hadn't realized he'd sat down.

" I've had a really good time with you. " Ryan smiles widely.

Wish I could say the same. He spent the entire time talking. I could hardly get a word in. I've never seen a person with so much to say. Now that I think about it, I've never met someone with such a big ego either. You'd think this guy saved humanity or something.

Stop. Be polite.

I force a smile. " I completely agree. " I lie through clenched teeth. I'm counting down the minutes until it turns 10. I told Maria I'd stay an hour and I intend to follow through with that but man is this guy making it hard.

A short, gruff chuckle softly fills my ears. I glance over at Joel. He takes a swig of his drink, trying to hide the fact he was laughing.

He's listening.

" You know, when Maria said she was going to set me up with an older person, I have to admit, I was a bit hesitant at first. "

" Oh? " I raise an eyebrow at Ryan's remark. Where is he going with this?

Maria hadn't told me she was setting me up with another younger guy. She'd probably thought I would've immediately shot the idea down. She wasn't wrong.

Ryan nods. " Yeah, I've had my fair share of fucking old timers and I usually get stuck doing all the work but I have a feeling you're different. "

What the actual fuck.

I stare at the man across from me in shock. " Excuse me? " What the fuck am I supposed to say to that? Thank you?

" What I'm trying to say is, I think you're hot. We should go back to my place. Have a little fun, if you know what I mean. " Ryan smirks while making a gesture with his hand.

Well, that took a turn.

I shake my head, pushing myself away from the table. " I'm not interested. Thanks for the drink, but I should be going. " I grab my jacket and begin to pull it on.

So much for trying to make it to an hour. This guy is insane.

" Wait, you don't have to go. We could have fun. You look like the type to need a little more fun in your life. " Ryan stands up after me.

" Seriously, I'm ok. You have a good night. " I turn to leave.

Ryan quickly grabs my arm, trying to prevent me from leaving. " I literally gave you a fucking compliment a few minutes ago. You should be grateful I'm even willing to sleep with someone like you. I fucking lowered my standards for this. "

" Please let go of me. " I attempt to seem less shaken then I am.

Ryan doesn't listen. " You owe me. "

" Let go. " Joel's suddenly right next to Ryan. " Or I'll help you let go. "

Ryan glares at Joel. " What's your deal, man? This is a private conversation. Butt the fuck out. "

Joel ignores him, wrapping his hand over Ryan's. He yanks Ryan's arm off of me. " My 'deal' is you're a complete asshole who doesn't understand when someone is saying no. "

Ryan pulls his arm away from Joel, his face turning red from rage. " Fuck you, man. "

Joel's eyes darken. " Get the fuck out of this bar. If I see you around Y/N again you're a dead man. "

The threat sends a cold shiver down my spine. He's serious. There's no way he's not.

Ryan looks like he's about to say something else when Joel sends him a sharp look. Without another word, Ryan pushes past me, completely ignoring me in the process. "

The drama caused a few people to tune into the conversation.

Slightly embarrassed, I try to focus on Joel. " Thank you. " I mumble, rubbing my arm slightly. Even though his hand is gone, I can still feel how hard he was holding onto me.

This could've gone so badly tonight if Joel wasn't here. Thank god he was here.

" No need to thank me. That guy was a fucking asshole. Here, let me buy you a drink. I'm sure you're shaken up after that. " Joel gestures to the empty barstool near his abandoned seat.

I hesitate for a moment. Part of me wants to go back to the safety of my home. The other part is eager to have a chance to talk with Joel again. Deep down, I'm also slightly afraid Ryan might be waiting outside to get back at me.

" Sure. " I agree, taking a seat. The counter is sticky and cool under my arms.

Now that the drama is over, everyone's returned back to their previous conversations.

" Are you alright? " Joel asks.

I let out a sigh. " Just a little shaken up. And...confused. " let out a small uncomfortable laugh. " That was the most fucking confusing date of my life. I can't believe Maria tried to set me up with someone who talks like that. "

Joel grunts. " She's so invested in playing cupid that she's completely forgotten some people shouldn't be dating. "

" You've got that right. I'm pretty sure she's just setting me up with anyone who's available at this point. " I shake my head and gently swirl the alcohol the bartender handed to me. " I am never dating again. "

" That's a shame. " Joel takes a sip of his cup, his eyes trained in front of him. " I would've liked to take you out. "

What? My heart pounds.

My eyebrows furrow in confusion. " Aren't you dating Jess? "

Joel's eyes widen as he looks over at me. " Jess? "

I nod slowly. " Yeah, aren't you guys dating? "

Joel shakes his head. " No. We're...we're not dating. We used to for a brief while before we came to Jackson, but things didn't work out. She fell in love with another guy. "

Whoa. I really read that wrong.

" Oh, I'm sorry. I had no idea. "

Joel shakes his head. " It's all good. We weren't right for each other. " Joel is silent for a moment. " I'm sorry he treated you like that tonight. "

I shrug. " It's alright. It's what it is. "

" No, it's not. Nobody should be treated like that, especially you. " Joel turns so he's slightly facing me. " Look, I know you're not interested in dating again right now, but if you ever change your mind I'd love to take you out. Show you how a date should really go. "

Butterflies begin to flutter in my stomach. This is like a dream come true.

" I'd love that. " I reply with a grin. " I might have to take you up on that offer. I think I'm just not interested in blind dates anymore. "

A small smile breaks onto Joel's face, a rare sight. " Sounds like a plan then. How does tomorrow night sound? "

" Perfect. "

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

I (22F) was roommates with a friend (20F) and got in a huge fight with her over my boyfriend (26M) being in our shared room.

I've been friends with her since the beginning of uni before we were roommates and we shared a room in an apartment with two other friends (more mine than hers). We have different personalities, I tend to be direct and confrontational while she's usually more quiet and a bit of a pushover, but we got along because of similar family and financial situations and shared interests.

I also have a long distance boyfriend who I met while he studied abroad at my uni, and though we were only dating for less than half a year at the time, we were very serious (and still are) about our relationship and made plans for him to stay with me for a couple months close to winter break. I told my roommate about this and she gave a hesitant response that she wasn't comfortable with him sleeping in our room but I persisted and she told me okay.

Of course I compromised. My friend had disclosed some of her previous trauma with men with me before, so I tried to compromise by saying he won't be staying at the apartment overnight and won't be in the room when she's there. However, a month before he was scheduled to come she goes back and says she wasnt comfortable at ALL with him being in our room. She knew she was being unreasonable and apologized and told me she would think of another compromise before my boyfriend got here that we could both agree with.

I thought that was stupid but I was tired with other personal problems and school that I just agreed to listen to her compromises. She proposes something even more tedious saying that he couldn't be in the room past eight pm and that the closet door had to be shut if he was in the room, and I was tired of the whole thing so I agreed to that compromise.

I kept it for the first week. I forgot to close the closet door now and again but she didn't seem to mind or notice. She acted super uncomfortable around my boyfriend which bothered me a lot, and because of her eight pm rule I had a hard time spending time with him so i spent a lot of nights sleeping on the livingroom floor just so I could be by my boyfriend.

One night, my boyfriend and I took a nap on my own bed for once when my roommate was getting home late, and I didn't wake up in time when she came in around midnight. She saw us in the room and was shocked. I was honest with her and I told her I didn't agree with her "compromise" and it wasn't fair to me when I was paying rent on this room too. She started crying so my boyfriend and I left for the living room to spend another night out there AGAIN.

My roommate packed some things the next day and spent that night at a friend's dorm from what I've heard. She then confronted me saying we should talk so I agreed and we had two mutual friends with us to make sure everyone was being fair. She said that I surprised her a lot that night and that she felt wronged that I suddenly did that without notice. I told her quite bluntly that she needed to grow up because she wasnt the perfect roommate either and barely did any chores around the apartment. A bit harsh, but she's a bit childish in that she's immature and sensitive, and it was true that she didn't do much.

She ended the conversation shortly after in tears saying it wasn't "productive". My friends let me know what I said was out of line and I agreed with them and apologized to her afterwards, but she said she didn't want to have another discussion until the semester was finished so we walked on eggshells around eachother for a couple weeks until winter break.

The conversation after winter break wasn't any more productive than before. She said some things that implied I bullied her into agreeing on the initial compromise and that I was insensitive to her trauma and her "safe space". It wasn't fair to me at all, because it was my home too and I'm allowed to be comfortable in my own space with my loved ones and I would never do this to her if it was her mom or potential girlfriend so I don't understand why she was giving me this much shit for her rigid "compromise". It was MY APARTMENT too, and I told her as much that I tried my best to compromise when I could've just had my boyfriend staying in my room the whole time instead. And then she insinuated that my boyfriend and I made her feel "unsafe" and that I hurt her on purpose. It's true that I didn't feel sorry about breaking the compromise, but it wasnt a fair one to begin with. The conversation didn't get better from there until it ended.

Now we barely talk to eachother. We live in another house together that we signed the lease for before this all went down, though this time in separate rooms. She actively avoids me and though I honestly don't care about that it is making the house a bit of a toxic place. It's been like a year since this whole thing started and I'd like to put it behind but thats hard to do when she acts like I'm the bad guy. Am I really the asshole here? My friends have been sympathetic but haven't given me a straight answer so I want to know.

What are these acronyms?

[lorei-writes]

... Just some ramblings.

It happened several times that I've been told that I'm an optimist or an otherwise very positive person. There are certain things I don't complain about much, which I presume can give off the wrong idea that nothing goes too askew in my life. In that case, not despairing would be easy.

But that's not real. The time I spent being bedridden in 2022 & 2023 combined exceeds half a year. My day starts with 10+ pills. I've had to start the same degree three times now, despite never failing any exam. I got discarded on the basis of being ill. The list goes on -- I struggle like most people do... And I don't dislike my life. I enjoy being alive, even though some days I wonder why.

[Directed more so at myself than anybody else -- I wanted to organise them in my head a little, but I suppose it doesn't hurt to share it either.]

>> Contentment is everywhere. Enjoy the smallest things.

At one point it felt like settling for less, but now I think that was rather misguided. It's increasing your sensitivity to pleasure more than anything. It can help you stay present in the moment.

I can't have many treats, but I can still drink black tea. The feeling of the hot mug against my hands, the texture of the ceramic. The smell of the tea. Its taste. Being warmed from the inside. The way the loose leafs float in the water... Previously I'd just overlook it, but now it's more pleasurable than any cakes I would have had it with before.

It isn't to say that cakes don't taste good anymore. They're something "extra"... and now I just don't need that "extra" to be content.

>> Your life is the only one you have.

Wondering about "what ifs" is a waste of energy. You live only in the present and cannot rewrite your past. You can know a lot of answers to your "whys", but... if you don't live, don't move on, does that change much?

I cried about things being unfair, but that never made them fair. It's a pointless effort. The reality still is that I have to deal with a certain set of limitations (and a certain set of advantages), and that I can only try my best to work with that.

>> Humour helps. Not the self-depreciating one.

Some days you need to cry, and then, by all means, cry. Some things you may never want to laugh about... But some? Meh. They become so mundane they get funny, and at the end of the day, laughter's good for you. There are no brownie points for always being serious.

(I shall not talk about shitting with ghosts.)

>> Bitter? In tears? Live through it.

Putting on a front doesn't do anybody any favours. We're only humans. If you feel bitter or sad about something, you are bitter or sad about it. Allowing yourself to experience the negative emotion is... fine. I'd say it's only reasonable to sit with it and let it wash over you -- without spiralling and going into negative "nothing is ever going to be okay, everybody is bad, that person is rotten, yada yada" loops. Sometimes you just need to observe the mind.

>> Nobody can predict the future.

When everything goes askew, it is tempting to say that things will always be this way. Our brains like patterns. They love searching for them... at the same time, they're full of biases and a couple years hardly define the entire rest of your life. Things can fall apart in a week. They can also be brought back together... and ultimately, when you live in the future, you forget about the present, which is the only time you really have.

>> Nobody thinks about you as much as you do. In most cases it's not malice, it's just ignorance. (And everybody will be guilty of this.)

>> Everybody has hard days.

>> The you of today lives only today. Make the most use out of your time. Anticipate the internal reward you will get.

Do you have to start studying early for your exam? No. But... Think about the you from the future. Will they be happy to be able to just revise on the day before it? Or would you rather leave them with still having to work through a portion of the material? It may seem it's all "you", but "you" of today is not living with the same consequences as the "you" of tomorrow or two months from now. Help the "you" from the future! Anticipate the feeling of relief you'll get then! It's a team effort!

Lorei of the good days is constantly working so that Lorei of the bad days can be at ease.

>> Agency matters.

There are things that are outside of your control. Sometimes I can't sit up by myself. It's frustrating. However, I can also pick what book I'm going to read next, I can choose to take my medicine on time, I can choose to continue on studying. No matter how insignificant it seems, there's always a choice I can make, even if it's something as small as choosing to eat even though it hurts.

Some things I can't control. I'm not giving away the choices that are in my hands.

>> You control only yourself and your reactions.

Don't give power to other people. It's impossible to control how they feel or what they think about you. It's impossible to make people stay. It's all up to them, and yes, sometimes they will be hurtful, sometimes you will be misjudged. But whether you care about that is only up to you.

>> Forgive, but don't forget.

Holding onto grudges and feeding old emotion only wastes energy. Letting those control me or influence my actions would only give away the power I have. I can choose to move on and to be unaffected. And I can choose not to allow somebody close again, even though I don't feel anything about them.

>> You are not entitled to the consequences of your actions.

You can work your ass off and it can still not pay off. The only thing you can affect is what's within your grasp -- as such, worrying about outcomes becomes irrelevant.

>> One goal at a time. (Even if you have multiple of them: if you're working on thing A, you're working on thing A only.)

Separate goals within your mind. The more things you have to do and the more you mix them, the lower the satisfaction from progressing any of them.

>> If you're in pain and can't avoid it, accept it and feel it.

I can't take painkillers. Avoidance of inevitable pain only prolongs it. It's easier to take it when I accept it as bad as it is, and let it go through my system.

>> You may not be ready to do something. It doesn't mean you shouldn't do it.

>> Learn to fail. Failure is a feedback.

>> Discomfort is not danger.

It is good to learn to sit with your discomfort. Being comfortable with being uncomfortable makes learning, conflict resolution, and growth overall easier. You then don't have to appease emotion.

>> The self is fluid. Don't cling.

We all change. We're not marketable products with branding. Let yourself change... and even if you're stripped from all the things you've thought you were, it's not as scary. You are more than them.

There was a time when I was neither dexterous, nor smart, nor hard-working, nor useful, all against my will. I was none of the things I'd previously call myself... But I still was. It's not as scary to lose any of them anymore. I just am and that's enough.

>> Try to understand. You don't have to agree, but try to understand.

>> Be wary of your own arrogance. Don't assume you're absolved of ignorance.

>> You have more to give than you realise. And honestly? Giving to the right people is awesome.

... and there could be a couple more, but I've rambled my heart out, so I'm good now.

[thegainingdesk]

Beach Body

Chapter 1

"So she does this every single year for her birthday?" I asked. "What if she wants to do something else?"

"It's a tradition!" Natasha insisted. "It's fun. No, really, it is! Oh, look out for a turning on the left."

"I hate these tiny country roads. And what if it rains one year?" I pointed out.

"It's the start of August, it doesn't rain. There it is, can you see?"

"It can rain in August." I wouldn't let go of this. I turned down the track she'd pointed out.

"There's a pub! We all go to the pub in the village and get pissed instead of having a barbecue on the beach, okay? And it's obviously not going to rain today." Natasha was obviously right about that, bright sunshine illuminating the Welsh countryside around us. "Look, I really don't know what you're worried about."

"I just don't know why I was invited. I've only - there's a car ahead, do you reckon they'll get past if I stop here? - I've only been working with you all for a couple of months, I basically only know you and Jackie." Even I had to admit that I was starting to border on whining at this point.

"But we really like you! And this is a great way to get to know people! Sun, food, a few drinks-"

"I'm driving," I pointed out, interrupting her.

"Well it's bad if you can only have fun if you've gotten drunk," Natasha scolded.

"That's not what I said at-"

"Here! Coming up! Do you see the car park on the left?"

I sighed and parked up, greeting Jackie and a large group of her friends, some familiar, some not. We grabbed various bags of food, drinks and blankets out of the car while we waited for the last few people to arrive. I greeted the few people I knew and introduced myself to some others, promptly forgetting half a dozen names.

Armed with a cool bag of meat slung over one shoulder, and a portable barbecue awkwardly tucked into the crook of my elbow, I joined the line of people making their way across the zigzagging tracks over the dunes leading to the beach. The dunes, while beautiful, were difficult to traverse, and the group split up into small parties, each determined that they'd found the easiest route around or over the steep mounds of sand.

"I'm just saying," I said quietly to Natasha after dropping the barbecue for the third time, looking around to check that Jackie wasn't close enough to hear, "that they are easier beaches to have a barbecue at, y'know."

A loud laugh from behind us, and I turned to see a handsome man I hadn't spoken to yet. "It is a really stupid beach, to be fair," he said, a wide smile on his face.

Jackie's voice came faintly from the next dune over. "What was that?"

"I said it's a fucking stupid beach!" the man called back. He caught my eye, and I must have looked taken aback because he explained: "I'm her brother, I'm allowed to tell her that her annual beach birthday's rubbish." I laughed. "Chris," he stretched a hand out.

I could see the family resemblance to Jackie - the same nose, the same dark blonde hair. Chris immediately put me at ease, with a thick blonde beard framing a constant smile, and deep smile lines around his eyes, despite looking like he was in his early thirties. His handsome face and deep voice set a tingle in my swim shorts.

I took his hand and shook it. "Adam. You must have been doing this your whole life then?"

He laughed loudly. "You'd hope so! No, this is actually a tradition she came up with at about twenty."

"Oh! I sort of assumed it was a childhood thing," I replied.

"That's what she wants you to think. I personally think twenty-eight is a little old to insist on being a special little birthday girl" he shouted this last part across the dunes, and a quiet "fuck off Chris!" came in reply, before he turned to me, and quietly now "but that's just me."

I laughed, his infectious good mood making me forget my earlier reservations about the day. By this point, Natasha was well ahead with some other people from the office and Chris and I were left alone.

"So you work with Jackie?" Chris asked.

"Yeah, just started a few months ago," I replied.

"Enjoying it?"

"Yeah! It's a nice company, people are really friendly." Speaking to Chris, even my boring job was sounding better.

"You're going to have to explain what it is you do, Jackie's never actually been able to make me understand."

"So I'm on the software side, I develop the algorithms that we use to…" I caught myself, realising I was being boring. "I do things with computers that make them make money," I joked.

"Oh my god, I love computers and money!"

"And what about you? What do you do?" I asked.

"Very similar. Computers, money. Sometimes meetings."

"Meetings! Exotic. Is that around Cardiff as well?" I asked.

"Edinburgh." My heart sank, my already slim chances of a date with a handsome, funny man disappearing to nothing. "As much as I think this annual beach birthday is silly, it at least forces me to come back and see everyone."

We walked on for a while, making easy conversation with each other. After a while Chris turned to me. "It's nice to have someone to chat to at this thing. Usually it's just Jackie's work friends talking about office drama and her uni friends talking about decade-old gossip, with me in the middle."

"Surely there's the rest of the family?"

"Nah, she insists on it being young people, but we don't have any cousins, so it ends up just being me. We always do a family thing another night," he shrugged. "Still," he caught my eye and smiled, "I reckon this one will be good."

We heard a small cheer of celebration up ahead as the people in front arrived on the beach, and we sped up, running awkwardly through the sand of the dunes. When we arrived, we dumped our bags in a small pile and helped to spread out the blankets.

I took off my shoes before hesitating, self-conscious of my body. I had a perfectly average body, maybe a little too tall and skinny, but I was always nervous of taking my shirt off in front of other people, lacking the washboard abs and bulging muscles of seemingly all of my friends. I looked around and told myself that no-one would pay me any attention, but I froze, fingers on my top button.

While the other men were wearing swim shorts in various lengths and colours, Chris had stripped off both his fun Hawaiian shirt and particularly short shorts to reveal a pair of bright flowery speedos. His shirt was hiding a subtly chunky body, with a roll of fat sticking out ever so slightly above the colourful lycra, and below, thick legs pooched out ever so slightly where the speedos cut into them. All of this was covered in a veritable pelt of hair, hiding the slight softness of his body.

Chris looked up and caught my eye, and I realised I was staring. I looked away quickly, but could have sworn he gave me a small wink. Emboldened by Chris' confidence and by the lack of notice everyone was paying him, despite the amount of skin he was showing, I unbuttoned my shirt and put it with my shoes.

A while later I walked up to Chris who was manning the various barbecues and settled down next to him. Droplets of salt water still clung to my skin and in my dark chest hair, and I thought the effect was quite sexy, if you ignored all the sand that was sticking to me as well.

"The sea good?" he asked.

"Fucking freezing," I replied.

He smiled and held out a beer to me.

I put up a hand. "Designated driver I'm afraid."

"Fair enough," he pulled the top off and began to drink it himself.

"Are you always in charge of the barbecue?" I asked.

He nodded. "And the beer cooler. It means I get to have more than anyone else without anyone calling me out on it."

I gave a small chuckle. "Good plan," I told him, and took a cheeky look sideways at him. Sure enough, his hairy stomach did look a touch more bloated than it had done earlier. "So your umm…" I cringed at the words even as I formed them, "your girlfriend couldn't make it today?" Smooth Adam. Real smooth.

"Ah, no. My, well my boyfriend had to work." My heart sank. Still, I noticed that his smile shrank ever so slightly when he mentioned his boyfriend.

"Oh! Sorry to assume, I didn't mean to-" I flustered.

"No! No, it's fine really. It happens. Do you? Have a boyfriend?" He held my eyes. "Or girlfriend? Or boyfriend?" His smile was growing again.

"Nope. Single. I broke up with my last boyfriend a while ago." I stressed the word boyfriend more than I meant to. Despite the 400 miles we lived apart, and his boyfriend, I still felt the need to make sure he knew I was gay as well.

"Oh I'm sorry," Chris said.

"Not at all, it was a while ago," I smiled at him. "Just, you know, enjoying being single."

"Yeah, I miss it a little sometimes," Chris said, and I detected an ever so slight sadness in his voice, but he quickly covered it up with his usual, unchanging smile. My heart leapt a little. He was probably just making small talk, sympathising with the lonely singleton, but a boy could dream, couldn't he?

Chris offered me a chicken drumstick. "Have you tried these? They've got like a Korean marinade thing, they're gorgeous. It's like bitter and sweet at the same time. I've had about ten."

I reached over and took it from him, taking a small bite. It was good, and I duly gave a small hum in agreement, but I wouldn't say they were exceptional. Chris picked up on my silence and laughed. "It's probably just me," he told me. "Jackie's always said I'm like a labrador when it comes to food. Food motivated." He beamed at me and picked up another chicken leg, his eyes closing in bliss as he chewed.

I readjusted my shorts ever so slightly. My attraction to Chris was growing as I got to know him - his constant cheerfulness, his small jokes, the way he didn't seem to care what anyone thought about him.

Later that day, I drove back in silence, Natasha passed out after a day of gin in the sun. I couldn't wipe the smile off my face, as I thought back to the day I'd spent mainly with Chris. Despite all the reasons I could never realistically go out with him, I was utterly besotted by the man. I found myself surprised that I was already looking forward to Jackie's 29th.

Chapter 2

"Adam!" Chris called, almost as soon as I'd come from behind the last dune before the beach. "Great to see you!"

I grinned, a little embarrassed. I'd never be able to be so open about being so excited to see someone, but then that's exactly what attracted me to him last year. Paul, a friend from the office, gave me a confused glance which I purposefully ignored. "Hey," I greeted Chris, "looking good man!"

This, I thought to myself, was very true. He was wearing the same flowery speedo as last year, but it now looked positively painted on. He'd clearly put on some weight, last year's roll of flab turning into a sack of fat, suspended above the tight swimwear. His thighs had faint criss-crosses around the tops, not quite hidden by the thick hair there, and his chest now stood ever so slightly forward and down - he didn't quite have moobs, but there were certainly small pockets of fat that weren't there last year. He'd shaved his beard down to stubble, showing just a hint of a double chin forming below his jawline. While I'd never particularly gone in for the overly-ripped, action-man physique, I was still surprised by how much I enjoyed the changes to Chris' body.

I followed Chris back to where some barbecues were already set up. "Got a beer for me in one of those boxes?"

He passed one over. "Not driving this year?"

I nodded over to Natasha, who had a small crowd around her cooing over a small bump at her midriff. "Natasha's pregnant so she's not drinking anyway."

"Handy!" He clinked his bottle against mine and took a swig. I took my shirt off and was pleased to see Chris' eyes rake up and down my body, taking it in. "Sun's out, guns out, eh? You're looking fit!"

I smiled at the compliment and thanked him. I'd taken advantage of the company gym a fair amount over the past year, and for the first time ever I felt like my body could be described by more adjectives than just 'lanky'. I gave a small, joking flex, quietly proud of my beach body and was surprised when Chris reached out and gave my bicep a squeeze. "Looking good," he repeated.

We caught up for a while, taking advantage of being in charge of guarding the beer coolers, Chris eating seemingly almost constantly. While I'd thought back again and again to last year, I'd forgotten just how easy Chris was to talk to, and how much I enjoyed his company.

A few beers in, my courage picked up. "Boyfriend not here again?" I asked bluntly.

He looked confused. "Boyfriend? What do you- oh, John? God, you've got a good memory. No, he cheated on me, I found out around Christmas-ish."

"Oh god, I'm sorry. What an arsehole." I clapped him on the shoulder. "Hey, fuck him, y'know."

He laughed at this. "Fuck him! Funnily enough, that's what my mate Sarah did." He laughed again, clearly unbothered.

"Hey! Bisexual affair though! Very modern, very progressive," I joked

He nodded, still laughing, and I watched intently as his paunch shook. "That is a big comfort to me, that at least he cheated on me in a diverse way." His smile grew lopsided as he looked at me, and he shuffled a touch closer to me. "And you? Got a boyfriend on the scene?" He'd lowered his voice now.

"Umm, nope. No. No boyfriend. Some tinder dates, you know but umm," I looked down at his lips. "Single. You know. Available. For stuff."

He nodded and looked around at what everyone else was doing. "The dunes are lovely. To walk around. And stuff. If you wanted to-"

"I want to. Yep. Absolutely. Lovely dunes." I nodded furiously, the sudden movement making me feel more drunk. "The ecosystems and the, uh, crescent shapes."

"Fucking love an ecosystem," Chris said, standing up while he fished out another couple of beers to take with us and quickly grabbed one last hot dog to take with him.

We ran up the closest dune, laughing, and practically fell down the other side. Chris grabbed my hand and led me a bit further on, before pulling me towards him and kissing me, having to reach up slightly to account for the several inches of height difference between us. I melted into him, my shoulders immediately releasing tension I didn't know I was holding, and I ran my fingers through his hair.

The combination of beers, sun and arousal made us act like schoolboys having their first kiss. We stumbled again and again as we continued to walk through the dunes, not paying enough to where we were going, our hands grabbing at each other's bodies the whole way, and giggling breathlessly.

Chris' hand moved down to my swim shorts, and he pulled away slightly, his tongue briefly coming out to wet his lips as his hand rested on my straining cock. "Enjoying yourself I see?"

"Very much so," I replied, pulling him closer to kiss him again. My own hand moved down to his own crotch and I cupped his bulge through his speedos, running my fingers along his length before grasping his hard cock through the lycra. He exhaled shakily and I felt his body tense slightly as I stroked him, grabbing at the fat at his sides as I did so, kissing him deeply the entire time.

Chris stepped back and pulled me down onto the steep sand with him, grabbing my own cock beneath my shorts and began pumping his hand slowly. I pushed him back and pulled down his speedos and my shorts around our thighs. I sat up and straddled him before I grabbed both our cocks in one hand, my long fingers struggling around them both, and began stroking us off together. Chris gave a breathless laugh and laid back, his eyes rolling up into his head in pleasure. I kept my eyes open, watching the shaking of his beef with each small twitch of his body. Chris began to gently girate his hips and I sped my hand up, the fingers of my other hand probing into his flesh, the fat pooling up around them. I heard Chris' breath catch and I relaxed my body, letting my own climax come, so that we both sprayed thick jets of cum up his body at the same time.

I rolled off him and lay next to him, both of us catching our breath. He shifted his weight, rolling over slightly to kiss me. "That", he whispered, "was really fucking hot."

I laughed and nodded. "You know, I really feel like we haven't explored these dunes very much yet."

He took on a faux serious expression and nodded. "I personally don't feel I've seen enough of the unique flora and fauna endemic to Welsh dune ecosystems." He stood up, struggling to pull his too tight swimsuit back up his thighs, and I followed suit, my own swimsuit coming up easily. "There's a sort of cove-y inlet-y thing, that way," he said, pointing, "that's pretty secluded. We could clean ourselves up and explore a little more." He spread his arms out and motioned down at his sticky torso before wiggling his eyebrows suggestively.

"Sounds perfect," I agreed, taking his hand.

A couple of hours later, we stumbled back onto the beach, Chris making a beeline for the barbecue. Thankfully, someone had taken over his duties so there was plenty of food for him to grab. My friend Paul sauntered over and raised an eyebrow suggestively. "You look like you've had a good time."

"We just went for a walk. It's very beautiful around here," I protested.

"Very beautiful," Paul nodded, his voice thick with sarcasm. "I wouldn't have had you down as a chubby chaser."

"What? I'm not a chub- nothing happened! And he's not chubby! That's very rude. And nothing happened anyway!" I could hear my voice go up too high as I blatantly lied.

"No, no, absolutely, I believe you," Paul said. "Your shorts are on backwards by the way."

I felt my face go even redder, if that was possible. I was saved from my embarrassment by Chris returning with a beer for me, and we moved towards the sea for a swim.

"Listen, I know you'll be going back to Edinburgh, but if you're around this week for a drink or something…" I suggested, once we were in the cold water.

The smile on Chris' face completely faded for the first time since I'd met him, not even a joking undertone left. "I'm going back tomorrow morning. 6 am flight."

I forced a smile. "Yeah, of course! That's fine, of course. You'd have wanted to spend time with your family anyway."

"No, no, I'd love to, I would. I really would." Chris looked genuinely sorry. "It just didn't work out. I'm sorry."

Later on, I sat in the back of Natasha's car, exhausted from a mixture of alcohol, food, sun and sex. Natasha was explaining to Annie in the front seat about how she'd actually had so much more fun while not drinking, and she was so embarrassed for all of us, convincing no-one, when Paul leaned over from the other side of the back seat.

"He seemed nice", he offered.

"Yeah, nice," I replied distantly.

"You guys going to see each other again?" he asked.

I shook my head. "He lives in Edinburgh."

"Shit, I'm sorry. Will he be there next year do you reckon?"

I gave a small smile. "Yeah, next year maybe."

Chapter 3

I got to the beach first, the usual work group trailing behind me. I was desperately trying to seem cool and calm, but I knew I was failing miserably. I looked around for Chris but couldn't see him anywhere.

"Jackie! Hey! Happy Birthday! Thirty! The big one!" I ignored her angry reply about how she didn't want to be thirty yet. "Yep. Uh-huh. Absolutely. Got to hate the linear flow of time. Anyway, Chris not here yet? He usually comes to this, right? Can't miss the big day!"

"Oh, do you two know each other? Yeah, he's going to be late, he was visiting our grandma so he's coming all the way from St Davids," she said the name of it like a joke, and I duly laughed, never quite getting the hang of Jackie. Me and Chris had texted a few times in the past year, but I'd been too nervous to ask him directly about coming to his sister's birthday, so I was relieved to hear he was coming.

An hour and a half and a few beers later, I heard a wolf-whistle behind me. "You've joined the speedo club I see!" I turned around to see Chris approaching me, fat jiggling with each heavy footstep. I'd been inspired by his confidence and my own improving physique to opt for something skimpier this time, and was happy to see that he hadn't worn anything less revealing.

It was clear that last year's weight gain wasn't a one-off. While before, he might be able to get away with being charitably called stout or burly, he was downright fat now. His gut was now a heavy, near-perfect sphere, bulging out to the sides and slightly sagging down in front of him, with genuine tits, round, plump sacks of flesh that sat on top of his belly. His always present smile now pushed two chubby cheeks out like a hamster, and he'd regrown his beard, much thicker than before, in a clear and futile attempt to cover a rounding jawline.

I matched his beaming smile and walked towards him, grabbing a beer and a burger on the way for him. I handed them over and slapped a hand onto his gut, emboldened by the few drinks I'd had while waiting. "You've got some new speedos yourself I see," I said quietly.

He twisted and pulled his gut out of the way to look, before looking back at me. "Ah, yeah, the other ones," he looked away sheepishly, "don't really fit anymore."

I bit my lip. "I'm sure they don't," I said jokingly. He smiled nervously back at me.

"Listen, I'm going to have a swim, grab some food. I'll talk to you later, alright." I watched him walk away, deflated. Did he regret last year? Or maybe something had happened, to make him so frosty? A new boyfriend maybe?

I sat and drank on a large rock, until he walked over to me and sat down next to me. Despite my nervousness, I thrilled at the thick fat on his sides brushing against my arm.

"I've been thinking about you, this year," he said finally. I looked over, heart rising.

"Me too," I replied with a smile.

His face broke into its usual grin. "Good. Good. I was a bit nervous, since you didn't text or anything. I wasn't really sure if you'd come."

"I thought the same, honestly," I confessed.

"And then," he continued, "I arrived and saw you looking really fucking good," he reached over and squeezed my strong thigh, "and I thought maybe I'd gotten too fat for you." His face had become bright red as he said this.

I laughed at him. "I like it. Really. It works for you. You carry it really well." I reached out and squeezed his own thick thigh, the fat feeling like butter beneath the skin.

"So you're into fat guys, hey?" He was still smiling, but looked a little embarrassed.

I shook my head. "Not really. I'm into you though."

His smile grew even wider. "I'm into you too." He reached out and held my hand. "I tried to diet for a bit," he confessed after a while.

"I can't imagine you dieting. You're way too confident. Like, you don't care what people think. It's sexy," I told him

"Well it turns out I'm not very good at it. I didn't actually lose any weight. But, y'know, I had the thought. Downloaded an app and everything."

"What was the app?" I asked, quietly laughing.

He shrugged. "It counted calories, told me when I was being a fat arse. Turns out I was probably supposed to do something with that information."

"Probably," I agreed.

Eventually, I realised his cheeks weren't getting any less red. "You're burning," I said, jumping up, "I'll go get some sun cream."

"I'm fine! I'm fine, really, I don't burn" he grabbed my hand to pull me back down but I pulled away.

"You're bright red. I'll get you some food and beer while I grab it," I promised. He relented, pleased that eating and drinking would now be involved.

I came back with my hands full, and passed everything over. I sat behind him and squirted some sun cream onto his back while he ate, and started rubbing it in wide circles. I relished the feel of his soft fat under my fingers, sliding my fingers deep into the crevices and folds of his body, and grabbing thick slabs of beef, all in the name of his skin health. I repeated the process on his front, exploring his soft tits, and hefting his gut up towards his face before letting it go and watching the ripples move through his body. I lingered for far longer than was necessary, tangling my fingers into the hair that covered his body, down from his shoulders, spreading across his torso and arms.

A while later, we both lay sunbathing on the sand, Chris barely moving, while I'd periodically jump up to grab him a snack. I handed him a burger and he propped himself up on his elbows and looked at me. "Listen, I'm not going home for another few days, and I've got a room at the village pub. Did you want to come for dinner? Maybe stay the night?"

"Dinner? You've been eating all day!" I responded.

"I've been snacking all day, I'll need a proper meal," he explained. I could see why he'd put on so much weight.

"That sounds good though, yeah. We need to make sure you don't waste away."

We fell into bed that night, Chris' stomach stretched tight and even rounder than earlier. I pulled off his too small t-shirt, unaccustomed to seeing him in clothes at all. I watched him for a minute or two try to take his shorts off, the button pulled tight by his heavy gut above. I took pity on him and made him suck his gut in, which he managed to, with difficulty, just enough for me to free the button and pull down the zipper, to reveal his aching cock straining against his speedos, still on from earlier.

"There's some condoms and lube in my suitcase," he told me.

"Someone was confident!" I said, but fetched them nonetheless.

He struggled to sit up, his full gut getting in the way, so I pushed him back down. "Don't you worry big guy, I'll do all the work." I sat next to him on the bed and helped him rub his gut, filled with a day's worth of barbecue and beer, and topped off with a heavy dinner, including dessert. He groaned, and I kissed him deeply. I pulled off his speedos, and his dick sprung up, slapping against his distended belly, smearing it with a spot of pre-cum.

We spent the night fucking, being as gentle as possible with Chris' overfull stomach. We spent the next day together as well, lounging on the beach, and I called in sick to work on Monday so we could spend one last day together. As I got out of Chris' car outside my house, he got out and kissed me, making me promise to stay in touch.

Chapter 4

I walked out onto the beach and made a beeline for Chris, pulling my shirt off as I approached him. He'd continued to gain weight, and his ball gut had expanded out, retaining its spherical shape but sagging down, with a deep cavernous belly button at its centre. Thick love handles sat either side of the giant gut, and above it his ample tits sat thick, beginning to droop ever so slightly towards his sides. His thighs were like tree trunks and were easily larger around than my waist, and between them I could just make out a bright flash of fabric, his speedos almost completely covered up from the front.

"They still make those in that size?" I teased him as I reached him.

"Well I don't think they don't make them too much bigger," he laughed.

"You've got your bags?" I asked.

He nodded. "In Jackie's car. You're not driving anyone back?"

"Nope, free to go as soon as we're done here." I grinned at him, excited about our planned week in Cornwall. "You can have a drink though, if you want, don't worry."

He shook his head. "I'm happy just spending some time with you."

I smiled at him and gave him a kiss. Some work friends looked over curiously, but I saw Paul and Natasha lean over to fill them in on all the gossip.

"We'll be the talk of your office will we?" Chris asked.

"Oh, hardly. It turns out Greg might actually be the father of Natasha's baby, so we'll barely be a blip on their radar."

"Oh my god!" Chris said. "I don't know who any of those people are!"

I laughed and led him over to the barbecue.

As we drove away that evening to my house, I looked over at Chris, as he snored faintly. He'd not had anything to drink, but he'd eaten so much over the course of the day that getting back over the sand dunes had been a genuine issue, and by the time we got back to the car park everyone except Jackie and her fiancé had long gone. Jackie passed over Chris' bags and I put them in the boot while Chris collapsed into the front seat, the car dipping dramatically on that side.

That night lacked the urgency of the other times we'd met, not driven by lust, but rather just enjoying each others' company. We watched a movie while I snuggled into his side, sinking into his soft fat like a pillow. The next morning I made a large breakfast before we set off on our holiday.

Chapter 5

I walked out of the sand dunes and was almost immediately accosted by old colleagues. "How's Edinburgh?" Paul asked.

"Great! Really, really great! The job's basically the same thing, computers, money, meetings, you know," I replied.

"And Chris? How's he?" Natasha asked.

"He's great too, we've settled really well into living together, it just all works."

"Is he coming or…?"

I turned around to look at the dunes. "He's just taken the scenic route, he'll be here in a bit." For the most part I'd gotten used to walking at Chris' slower pace, and kept with him for most of the walk, but had run ahead at the last couple of dunes. Sure enough, after a minute or two he appeared between the bases of two dunes.

He'd put on more weight while we were living together, but he'd slowed down a little recently. Still, he was clearly bigger than the last time we were here, one year ago. While the changes might not be so obvious to a lot of people, just a fat man getting fatter, I noticed them all. His stomach stuck out just that bit more, his sides that much wider, his legs that much softer.

He walked over to me (waddled might be more accurate, I pondered, especially on the soft sand), and gave me a peck on the cheek. We put our bags down a convenient distance to the food, and stripped down to our speedos, Chris' once again new to stretch across his added weight.

"Fancy a swim?" Chris asked me, already walking towards the water.

"Sounds good," I said, quickly catching up to him. "Maybe afterwards we can go for a walk through the dunes?" I raised my eyebrows suggestively.

"Oh fuck off!" Chris said. "I'm not going back through those, I'm knackered after that walk. You're just going to have to wank me off in front of everyone, if it comes to it."

I laughed and kissed him on the cheek, admiring the plush softness. "Well hopefully it won't come to that."

"Why not?" Chris asked, joking. "Do you not think I'm beach body ready?"

[josphitia]

Josie's CowHRT Journey Part 2 - Telling the Husband

“You want to be… a cow?” Jojer asked with equal parts incredulity and curiosity. My husband was looking up at me from their chair, dealing with the brick I had just dropped onto their lap. I know it wasn't the best way to broach the subject, but I also know it was the only way I could.

Some history on us: We actually met at a nonbinary support group that Jojer was running. I'm not nonbinary, but it was the closest trans support group I could find. I ended up meeting a lot of wonderful and unique people there. Me and Jojer immediately hit it off and before we knew it, every free moment was an excuse to text or hang out with each other.

We were the best of friends for years, we helped each other in any ways we could. I was already on Estrogen and blockers when I attended that first meeting, but I helped Jojer to get on Testosterone. We helped each other get our names legally changed. So when the time came that we both found ourselves single, is it any wonder we jumped at the opportunity? We dated for a year and decided to get married. Jojer’s my they/them husband and I couldn't be happier.

Everything since then has been the mundane life of a married couple. That is until the past few weeks when I've been keeping to myself more, my nose glued to my screen as I process my newfound sense of self. Which leads us to this moment, to when I dropped my hopes and dreams for the future, to my husband asking with a puzzled face: “You want to be… a cow?”

“Yeah! W-well I mean, I think I've always been a cow. I wanna get on Animal HRT and help to see the bovine in the mirror that I am inside.”

“Okay, is this like a kink thing? Because I'm alright with us exploring more in the bedroom. Get you a cow print bikini or something and-”

“No! I mean, the bikini sounds cute, but it's not a kink thing… Not that it doesn't make me really happy thinking of myself like that and being intimate… But it's more than that, so much more. The idea of being a cow just feels like it's me, it's who I am. Like I can finally see myself as a complete person.”

“And you'd, what, be in some field all day munching grass? I also don't think a cow would fall under the pets policy of our apartment.”

“I wouldn't be, what do they call it… a ’feral’ cow. Though some people do go that route! I'd be more in-between than that. I've been reading all about it and what they can achieve with hormones nowadays is amazing and I'd finally have cute horns and a tail and even hooves!”

“Can't we just buy you some horns online if that's what you're wanting? And I know I've seen people with clip-on tails, we can get you some of those too.”

“It's not a costume I want to just wear at home or around you… it's who I want to be. Who I feel I am. Who I need help to be. Who I want to be with you.”

“Why haven't you opened up about this before? You're so sure this is who you are but you've never made any indication you've been unhappy just being a human woman. Now you're dropping this in my lap right before we're going to bed.”

“Because I didn't have the words for it… I didn't even realize it was a thing I could be. But I've seen other girls posting about this and it was so illuminating, it's like these girls had access to a dictionary I never knew existed. But their thoughts, their feelings, their journeys, it's like reading about myself in all but name. And it's not fair to you, but I've been so scared to bring this up to you… I know you're kind and understanding, but there's so many horror stories of people being shunned by their partners over this. Of people losing their partners over this because they weren't accepted… I love you and don't want to lose you but I also can't live my life without trying this…”

“Okay, okay. I don't completely get it yet but I can tell you've been putting a lot of thought into this. I don't want to give you the impression I'm not supportive, I am, this is just so new. I love you, Josie.”

*Sniff* “I love you too Jojer…”

“So, what would the first steps be?”

“It's basically like what we've already been through. See a therapist, get a letter, then going to a supportive endocrinologist who'll fill the prescription. And I even already have the name of a therapist who can help me! But, uh, I'm hoping you can help me with actually making the phone call… You know how I am…”

“Of course honey. C’mon, let's get ready for bed. You can talk to me more about how you're feeling when we're laying down. I do have to admit though, you're right about one thing.”

“Yeah?”

“You'd look really cute with horns~”

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Josie's Cow HRT Journey

First|Previous|Next

[genericpuff]

Rachel "Retcon" Smythe Strikes Again!

Okay, so I've been seeing pictures of Volume 4 of Lore Olympus floating around, and people are ALREADY FINDING RETCONS.

Most notably so far, some added panels in the Hades and Apollo confrontation that happens outside Artemis' house (when Persephone steals Apollo's lyre) in Episode 81.

This is the original scene, for anyone who needs a refresher:

Aaaand here are the panels that were added.

(all pictures of Volume 4 are courtesy @iwannagutyou on IG!!! thank you for giving me permission to use these! <3)

First of all, the art. It's so noticeably bad. You can tell Rachel has completely lost her ability to draw these characters in the S1 style, I'm fairly certain she took the panel of Hades from the old version and just copy pasted it to try and get around it (look at the posing) but it's incredibly obvious looking at that third panel that LO is not and can never be what it was back in 2017-2019. Those first two panels seem like they were copy pasted from the previous ones, which is just sad if those are the lengths she has to go to to come even close to replicating the older style.

Now, this just might be due to camera translation, it could very well look better IRL, but the colors just look so incredibly desaturated and the lines blurred out, to the point that people are doing double takes over whether or not panels have been directly changed - they haven't been, they've just been so sucked dry of their colors that they look off enough to cast suspicion.

If anything it's a harsh reminder that LO has kinda always had art problems, especially with its lazy humor and stupid meme faces.

Of course, to be fair, color loss can happen in print, but seeing how slapped together these books tend to be, I wouldn't be surprised if they just didn't put in the effort to convert the page art to CMYK or at least tinker with the saturation in editing some more to ensure it would come out more vibrant in print.

Now. Excuse me while I go on a bit of a crackpot rant here. Newbie puff pals beware, because this is gonna get dicey and you're about to learn where my tinfoil-hat rep comes from but I just have to talk about it.

Back to the added Apollo panels, where Persephone asks Hades not to hurt him and he looks nervous before she says "I just want him to leave".

Maybe it's just me, but it's a little weird that THESE are the panels they decided they needed to add. It's weird that she's asking Hades not to hurt Apollo when she's about to break into his car and steal his lyre just a few moments later. It's weird that the implication seems to be that she's referring to Hades' act of violence towards Tori... but Persephone doesn't know that's happened yet. So this feels like an unnecessary retcon that's doing more harm than good.

But I feel like the timing of this is kinda messed up as well, as this book released just days after the release of the last FP episode in which Apollo has his 'side' of the assault story told through his perspective, which is often considered a HUGE no-no in writing assault stories because it often comes with the implication that it's asking for empathy from the audience. We already know Apollo is delusional, we already know he thinks him and Persephone are meant to be despite her constant rejection of him, we didn't need a flashback from his own warped perspective explaining that very thing, the only purpose to do such a thing this late in the game would be to try and get the audience to 'connect' with him (it's giving S3 Bryce from 13 Reasons Why vibes). Now we have this scene of Persephone asking Hades not to hurt him (despite the structure of the episode being literally fine before, this change wasn't needed) getting snuck into the physical book release just a couple days after the newest FP tried to present Apollo in an empathetic light (and let me tell you, that's a whole essay and a half that I'll be getting into eventually).

Shit, if I wanted to get REAL Pepe Sylvia with it, I might say that hypothetically, the whole point of the random Leuce abuse episode - despite Persephone having no way of knowing what she attempted as Hades hadn't told her and she wasn't there to see it and we weren't shown her overhearing them in any way - and the following episode that was mostly padding of Hades and Persephone having sex - no consequences or follow-up whatsoever to the Leuce scene - was just to pad out the episode release schedule and buy time until the book came out so that Rachel could release that Apollo POV episode right before the book came out and revealed those new added scenes of Persephone asking Hades not to hurt Apollo, in what could be a sly artificial attempt at minimizing the SA plot so Rachel can finally just brush aside the one major plot point she regretted writing the most. After all, it wouldn't be the first time Rachel's controlled the pace of her comic to release certain moments at certain times that line up with IRL events.

But, y'know. I'm gonna quit on that thought while I'm ahead because it's probably making my credibility meter drop into the red. My ADHD has been real bad lately and it's really starting to show LMAO All ima say is that IDK who Rachel thinks she's fooling here, this kind of shit is stupid easy to fact check when the digital version of the comic is available online to read.

To end on a much funnier and lighter note, remember how Rachel tried to retcon the Demeter/Hera/Hestia relationship by changing the line "I miss my sisters" to "I miss my friends"? Well, there was one panel that had been missed in the webtoons version that still refers to them as sisters. You can still find this unedited line in Episode 78.

And uh. They forgot to fix it again for the book.

It's permanent now. That's permanent marker. It would have cost them nothing to find this in the webtoon version and fix it before it got sent to the book editors. Now it's gonna cost them thousands because the book editors didn't bother (or know) to check.

There's also this... weird shit going on with the speech bubbles. Like, they're REALLY FUCKING OVERDOING IT with the speech bubble outlines. I don't know who made this choice but it was a bad one. Gross. Don't do that. It looks so cheap.

But let's be real, at this point I feel like the book editors are just outright sabotaging Rachel because who the fuck calls themselves a professional when they do this shit-

Oh, and there's no bonus episode, just sketches. Which is fine. But it makes me chuckle to think that Rachel just didn't have time in her already razor-thin buffer to draw up a new episode to pass off as "cut content".

[doe-eyed-dreamr]

hi!! would you be able to do a fic of snufkin taking care of a sick regressor? if you could make the regressor aged 3-4 that would be great!! tysm!!!!!!

Of course! I'm so sorry this took so long, I was actually feeling pretty unwell myself so I was struggling to get any writing done. I also have emetophobia so I had to be a little vague with the illness I hope that's okay ʕ`•̥ᴥ•̥`ʔ

I really like how this came out though and I hope you do too! <3

Snufkin Cares for Sick Little Reader <3

It's been a long couple of days. You figured you were safe from sickness as the weather warmed, but unfortunately the Valley had other ideas. Stuck in bed while the others went off to play and seek adventure had you grumbly and moodier than usual.

It just wasn't fair! How come you are the only one who can't get their limbs to cooperate when you try to get up and walk around? And that was without mentioning the fever and icky tummy.

But Moomin has promised today will be different. He and the others have gone into the woodland to find a rare plant Moominmama spied in Granny's notes that will hopefully bring your temperature down and give you a little more energy.

Snufkin had volunteered to stay back and take care of you. When asked if he was sure (he did have the best eye for plants among the group after all), he pointed them in the direction of the Hemulen (who's eye was even better than his when it came to flora and fauna) and said he was needed more by your side today.

You hadn't known what he meant by that until you felt it. That telltale fuzzy feeling in the back of your mind.

Everything is just so hard right now. You're tired and achy and nothing feels good to eat and all you want to do is cry and stomp your feet.

You're regressing.

It shouldn't be a surprise - days of feeling icky and not being able to play with your friends? A recipe for disaster. Luckily, Snufkin had noticed and appointed himself caregiver for the day.

"It's okay to let go." He says, eyes tilted towards the sky as you both lay out on the grass, cushions from Moominmama propping you up and keeping you comfortable while the gentle breeze attempts to wash your fever away. "I'm here. I've got you."

You feel the tears well up as soon as he finishes speaking. Any resistance you might've felt melts away and you allow yourself to feel miserable in the only way a toddler knows how. You let the tears fall with a whimper and soon you're cradled against a soft green coat, rocking in a soothing motion while you wail.

"I know, I know little one." Snufkin coos. "You've been so brave, haven't you? I know it hurts but I just know you'll feel better soon."

He places a small kiss against your head, and keeps talking when the tears slow.

"And when you do, we'll go on as many adventures as you'd like. To the beach, to the woods, even soaring through the sky. Anything you can dream up, angel."

"Da others be there?" You question, one hand rubbing at your eyes and the other clutching at Snufkin's coat as if scared he might disappear.

Snufkin chuckles and takes over wiping away your tears, much gentler than you yourself had been. He produces a pacifier from his pocket and clips it to your own clothes, giving you the comfort of knowing it's there without pressuring you to use it if you aren't quite feeling young enough.

"Yes, the others will be back as soon as they can be. And you know they love to play with you, whatever age you feel on the inside. I bet each of them has an idea for an adventure, we can ask them later if you'd like?"

You nod quickly, then pout when your head hurts at the motion.

"Owie."

Snufkin kisses your forehead with sympathetic eyes.

"I know, sweet one. Do you think you could manage some soup? I made some earlier and it might help hydrate you more than water. I'd hope it'd be tastier too." He adds, noting your scrunched nose at the mention of water. It feels like all you've been doing these past days is drinking water.

You nod slowly, hoping the food goes down well this time. If Snufkin says it's a good idea, you're going to believe him.

You didn't, however, factor in the fact your friend would have to get up to fetch the food.

A whine passes your lips and you cling on even tighter to his coat.

"Nuh uh! Snuf'in stay!" You protest. Snufkin hushes you, stroking your hair till you calm a little.

"Easy, sweetheart." He coos again. "I'll be right back. Count to ten for me, okay?"

You do so reluctantly, counting between shaky breathes the longer Snufkin is away from you. He smiles encouragingly as he emerges from his tent, large flask in hand.

"There." He says, plopping back beside you before you've even reached the number ten. "I'm so proud of you, little one. I know that was hard."

You get another kiss to your head for your efforts and you can't help the smile that overtakes you. Snukin is proud of you!

"There's that sweet smile." Snufkin says, smiling back as he opens the lid of the flask and pours some soup into it. "Now, I'm going to hold this, just sip carefully okay? And we'll see how you feel once you've tried some."

The task sounds simple enough, and you nod your head with determination. Snufkin boops your nose, and then lifts the soup to your mouth for you to take the first sip.

It's DELICIOUS.

Your eyes widen and Snufkin pulls the lid back as you attempt to gulp all of it down at once.

"Ah ah, not so fast." He says. "I'm glad you like it, but you have to take it easy at first, okay?"

You pout, but nod. Snufkin giggles.

"Okay." He says, bringing the soup to your mouth again.

You sip much more slowly this time, basking in the warmth of the food and the ache in your head fading into the background.

When you can't drink anymore, Snufkin closes the flask and rolls it away from you both, pulling you in to snuggle against him again.

"Now. I think a nap is in order, then by the time you wake up the others should be here to help you feel all better. How's that sound?"

At your clear hesitation, Snufkin continues.

"We can take a nap right here beneath the sky. Together."

You smile and hum in confirmation, allowing Snufkin to lower you both onto the cushions. He tucks your head under his chin, curling into one another, and begins to hum.

The tune isn't a familar one, most likely taking inspiration from the wind, the rustling leaves, the bubble of the stream not so far away.

It sounds like home, and you allow yourself to drift, knowing you are safe, and you are loved.

[jessybarnes]

Tell Them, Honey

Title: Tell Them, Honey

Pairing: Stucky x F!Reader

Rating: Mature

Word Count: 1,235

Tags: Angst, fluff, pining, Steve and Bucky are concerned, Natasha is plotting, Stucky, drinking, metal arm kink, implied fingering, implied sex, explicit language, and I think that's it.

Written For: @comfortember and @stuckybingo

Square(s) Filled: I5 - Metal Arm for Stucky Bingo

Comfortember Day 12: Concern

Beta(s): Just Grammarly

It isn't fair.

How does Fury expect you to focus on anything as an assistant when you're tasked to work with Steve Rogers and Bucky Barnes?

The moment you met them, you were knocked off of your feet... almost literally.

You were running late to your first day of work after being stuck in traffic. You'd rushed off the elevator and down the hallway toward the conference room to try and get to your morning meeting on time. Right as you rounded the corner, you smacked into Steve's hard chest and lost your balance. If it hadn't been for Bucky catching you, you'd have hit the floor.

Now, almost two years later, you're just as head over heels for them as you were then, if not more so. It's no secret that the two super soldiers are a couple. They've been together for years, and you'd be lying if you said you haven't thought about what it would be like to be fucked by both of them.

It's a miracle that you've been able to hide your feelings for them this long. Normally, you're easy to read, but maybe it's because everyone you work for and with is always so busy.

Tonight is one of the rare occasions where everyone has the evening off, and Tony, of course, isn't letting it go to waste.

It's nothing formal, but you're still in a shimmery cocktail dress, courtesy of Natasha. She practically had to drag you here, and you haven't left the bar since everyone started arriving.

You scan the crowd and smile at all of the familiar faces. Thor, Loki, Stephen, Bruce, Wanda, Vision, Tony, Pepper, Peter, and so many others seem to be having the time of their lives, and after all they do for the world, they deserve it.

Natasha makes you another rum and coke and slides it down the bar into your hand. You swirl the dark liquid around for a moment and bring the glass to your lips just as Steve and Bucky walk up to order a drink.

"Hey, Nat! Can Bucky and I get some of that stuff Thor always drinks?"

Your eyes drag over their muscular frames and you bite your lip. It really should be a crime to look as good as they do. Steve leans against the bar and smiles at you, his action making Bucky turn around. His metal hand brushes your knee and your breath hitches.

"Oh! I'm sorry, doll. I didn't realize how close I was to you."

Natasha rolls her eyes and begins preparing their drinks. It's a wonder that these two haven't picked up the signs because she certainly knows you want them. Hell, she's stood here and watched you oogle them for the past five minutes. Add this to the list of all the other times, and well, it doesn't take a genius to see that you're infatuated.

You set your drink down with a shaky hand and look down at your lap. "It-It's umm... it's okay..." Smooth...real smooth, Y/N. Now he's going to think you're hurt or something.

Bucky furrows his brow, "hey, are you alright? I didn't hurt you, did I?"

Yep...real fucking smooth. Now you have to talk to them again.

Steve reaches over and tilts your head up with two of his fingers, "you can always tell us anything, sweetheart. Just because you're our assistant doesn't mean you're beneath us."

"I-I'm not hurt. I've just ah...had a long day and am pretty tired."

They don't look convinced, but at least they don't push you any further. Natasha hands over their drinks and shoos them away. Once they've crossed the room she leans across the bar so only you can hear her.

"Tell them, honey."

You choke on your drink, "t-tell who what?"

"Oh, don't play me for a fool, Y/N. You're not as subtle as you think, babe. I, literally, just watched you practically drool over Rogers and Barnes in real time, and it's not the first time either."

You glance over at them for a moment. They're laughing with Thor about something and it makes your heart skip when Bucky leans over to peck Steve on the cheek.

"You're doing it again."

"Doing what?"

She sighs and wipes down the bar top with a damp towel, "staring, Y/N."

You shake your head, "Nat, I can't tell them! They're in a relationship already and it doesn't look like they want to add someone else to the picture. Plus, I don't think they even swing my way, so..." You trail off and she points a finger at you.

"Natasha!" You squeak and blush furiously.

"Those two may have been around for over a century, but I can promise you that they've been with a woman before. I can speak from experience with one of them, and the other may have had a few late nights with one of the USO girls."

You gawk at her as she smirks, "you...you mean... w-with umm...you...Bucky?"

She chuckles and pours herself a martini. "Yes, James and I...we were a thing once. It hasn't happened in years though. Not since Steve got his head out of his ass and told Bucky how he felt. Which you also need to do if I'm being honest." She brings the glass to her lips and smirks again, "oh, and his metal fingers? Fucking fantastic."

"What? I'm sure Steve will agree with me." Her smile widens and she nods over your shoulder. "Let's ask him, shall we? Looks like he's coming over for another round."

You give her a pleading look, "no! Oh, my god...please don't ask him!"

"Ask me what?"

Steve leans against the bar and glances between the two of you quizzically. He notes your flushed skin and shaky hands again and grasps your wrist gently, your pulse thrumming against his fingertips.

"Jesus, sweetheart, you're shaking like a leaf. Are you sure you're feeling okay?"

You open your mouth to answer him, but Natasha beats you to it.

"Oh, she's fine! I was just telling her how skilled Bucky is with those metal fingers of his. You agree with me, right Steve?"

The blonde super soldier looks deep into your eyes and you swear you see them darken a fraction.

"So, you're curious about Bucky's arm, hm?"

"Who's curious about my arm?" The man himself comes up behind Steve and wraps his flesh hand around his waist.

Oh, god...just please let the ground open up and swallow me whole...

You bury your face in your hands and shake your head. "Just, please...forget I was even here. I-I'm sorry... I'm just gonna go to bed."

As you get up to leave, Steve steps into your path and blocks your way. The smirk on his face doesn't ease your mind in the least bit.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, I think we should talk about this, Y/N. Bucky deserves to know what you and Natasha have been talking about over here, now don't you agree?"

Bucky raises an eyebrow curiously, and you nervously play with your hands, "I...um...yes?"

"Good girl," Steve praises and places his big hand on the small of your back.

"Come on, doll, we'll walk you to your room."

Bucky puts an arm on your shoulder and Natasha watches as the three of you head off toward the elevators.

She chuckles and shakes her head, "and my work here is done."

Tagging: @sarahrogersevans @chrisevansdaughter @brandyywar @nerdygingermoose88

[smolvenger]

Hi guys- I am having a bit of Writer's Block with The Baronet Seeks a Wife and could use some help

Ok, we have our establishing chapter and I am really happy and excited y'all like it. We have Reader having to take her sister's place and be in an arranged marriage to Thomas...

And I think... "ok....now what?"

*this is me trying to write the second part*

So...I thought of a couple events that could happen- we gotta get these two to genuinely fall for each other. Perhaps we should have one of these ideas I've come up with so far-

Should we cut to Ascot Opening Day and see Reader and Thomas as a couple in public for the first time? Since it was a common big event for the upper crust of London at this time to show off how fancy they were, see each other, and pretend to care about sports?

The way I always think of My Fair Lady referencing it:

I :/ have :/ never :/ been :/ so:/ keyed :/ up:/

Or- we could have a tea party where they talk:

Or we could maybe even have Reader travel to Allerdale Hall and only learn a little about Thomas's past...though I planned that to be later, it could work. I do plan on Reader eventually knowing....well, everything that went down and that being a source of conflict.

Or we could go- SCREW IT TIMESKIP TO WEDDING!

Okay, you can vote or you can discuss what you wanna see happen if none of these things!

Taglist: @asgards-princess-of-mischief@jennyggggrrr@five-miles-over@fictive-sl0th@ladycamillewrites@villainousshakespeare@holdmytesseract@eleniblue@twhxhck@lokisgoodgirl@lovelysizzlingbluebird@raqnarokr@holymultiplefandomsbatman@michelleleewise@wolfsmom1@cheekyscamp@mochie85@fandxmslxt69@skittslackoffilter@mischief2sarawr @jijilaufeyson @steasstuff @anukulee @kimi01985 @goblingirlsarah @foxherder @giona45-5 @goddessgirl43 @heavyymetalchick @stainlessciel and anyone else who wants to!

[thana-topsy]

If you're up for sharing more writing tips, how can I tell if what I've written is actually any good? With writing I get stuck in a cycle of feeling like I'm the next Shakespeare while writing but then I'll look over my work a few days later and absolutely hate everything and think it's the most cringe shit ever, then I'll leave it a bit longer and think eh it's not as bad as I thought but still not great and so on. I feel like being forced to write for a grade during school and having everything be marked and assessed and assigned a particular value has robbed me of the ability to critically analyse my own work in a way that's objective and accurate but also fair and realistic. I can analyse other peoples' stuff till the cows come home but I lose all rational thought when it comes to my own stuff

Adding onto that, how do I get to the point where I can stop looking back at my old work and hating everything and wanting to delete it all? Realistically I know finding fault with my old stuff is good bc it means I've grown and improved from where I once was etc but at the same time I wanna enjoy stuff I've made in the past without cringing every time I read it

Hey there Nony, I wanted to let this one percolate a little bit before answering because I've been where you are. And it's a rough time for sure. But aside from my own experiences, I also wanted to get the opinions of some of my writerly friends in the fandom, too, since everyone is a little font of wisdom in their own right.

So I'm going to share their advice alongside my own, because this is kind of a complicated string of questions you're asking. Long post ahead!

@paraparadigm says to Keep Writing: "Write more. Write so much (and so many different things) that eventually the sheer volume bulldozes over self-devouring ego, comparison twitches, or feeling lost, because you don't yet know your own baseline. Coupled with "read more, read everything, read things you enjoy and things you don't, read for the craft as much as the entertainment." And: "I'd add that when revisiting old writing, it's helpful for me to differentiate between "ew the writing is not as technically solid as it is now" and "ah that's interesting, I guess that's where I was at then, emotionally and psychologically". Old writing is also a sort of archaeological record of your younger self, and that can, in fact, be a bit itchy to revisit, so learning to cherish that without passing judgement can be really helpful. I try to treat it like those little marks one puts on the door jamb to track a kid's height."

@mareenavee says "Part of it is writing more, as Para said and I will always second that. Another part is, honestly, the hardest part. It's to try very hard to get out of the habit of negative self-talk.... There's so much work involved with this but normalizing being proud of your work and having some grace with yourself is part of that answer."

@archangelsunited says "Early on, instead of going “this has to be a masterpiece” I would tell myself my only job was to tell a story. I couldn’t tell a story if I was deleting it. Also, talking about your work helps. The less ashamed I was of my writing, the more people wanted to read it. There is a need to hide your work, and that can lead to a downward spiral all its own. And, 90% of the time, you have to suck at something to learn to be good at something. The work you already wrote shouldn’t be the sum of all your skill, it should be one of those measuring sticks for the moment. Despite previous thought, you won’t be stuck at the same level forever."

@polypolymorph says "In addition to accumulating experience via reading and writing, you also have to be willing to reinvent the wheel. Unfortunately the Process™️ is unique to everyone, and even when you are deliberately mimicking a voice as, say, a ghost writer, you can't expect that 2+2=4 for you. Your process might look more like a Lotka-Volterra equation for the same type of work and that's okay. Trial and error is the best way to figure out what advice actually works for you--and if it doesn't, it doesn't mean you're wrong. Don't get stuck on pop writing advice like a sad roomba does on an upturned rug. Learn when to throw it out."

So there's some advice from some other excellent writers! I hope you've been able to find some value in their advice, because it certainly kicked me in the pants a few times.

As for me, I think, having been where you are, my biggest piece of advice is: Find joy in the craft. Get curious instead of critical. An artist shouldn't down themselves over a rough sketch when they're working out a drawing, so why would a writer do such a thing? Everything you write is practice. Everything you make has value because it builds up to the next thing you make.

At the end of the day, you are the only one who is capable of telling the stories that are in your head. This fact alone gives whatever you put onto paper value, regardless of quality. You are creating magic, in the most literal sense! Creating something out of nothing, conjuring images into someone else's mind from hundreds of thousands of miles away, transcending space and time. It's amazing!

Lastly, my final piece of advice is to just write for fun. Write things nobody else will ever see just because you wanted to get words onto paper. You have to unlearn what was drilled into you in school. You are more than a content creation machine. You are an artist, a wordsmith. And just know that there will never be a day when you look at your own work and say "That's it, I have achieved perfection."

Writing is a life-long journey. Just enjoy the ride!

[mrschwartz]

i'm gonna give you guys the story of my life these past couple of months and i need your advice

from the beginning of 2022 to the end of 2023 i worked in a bilingual kindergarten, let's call this school ABC, as a teacher's assistent and i loved it. it was close to my house and i loved the kids and my co-workers SO much, but the pay was an absolute joke and i worked 10 hours a day which made me miserable. (one detail from this school: they changed management in mid-2023 and the new bosses were super conservative and everyone hated their guts; a lot of people were fired or quit, including a coordinator's assistant, let's call her pam, and a teacher, let's call her beth, who went to work together in another school. let's call this school DEF. pam became a coordinator there and beth stayed a teacher)

then i quit bc i needed time to finish my graduation paper and i wanted something a little better salary-wise and with less working hours. my friend from college, let's call her mary, used to work at a school (let's call this school GHI) and they went looking for her for a teaching job, but she couldn't make it work with her schedule, so she recommended me. this was mid-december of last year. i did a cover letter, went through 3 interviews, the whole shabang. they made it seem like the job was mine so i held off sending more cvs around

okay all right. new years arrive. i still don't hear anything from them so i reach out and turns out they had chosen somebody else and didn't even bother letting me know 🤡 so i had just graduated and was unemployed, completely miserable. i started sending my resumé to some schools not hearing back from any, until beth (remember? from up there) sends me a message telling me her school, DEF, needs a teacher. i say i'm interested and pam, who already knew me from ABC, basically instantly hires me

i've been there for almost a month now, and it's been cute. my comute is 1 hour but easy and pleasant and my shift is 4,5 hours which is a blessing and fair i think for my salary being basically the same as it was on ABC. i have only 2 students and they're sweet and i'm working with my friends who i already know

when. a few days ago GHI contacts me to let me know they're interested in me for the position i had not gotten before. and i. want to die now knowing what to do. the salary is Great but GHI is a little farther away than DEF (1h20min comute, which includes bus, which i hate) and i'd have more students (more responsibility) PLUS+++ i'd have to quit DEF, where i've only been for less than a month, and i'd have to do it to my friend pam, who was relying on me for this entire year, let alone leave my students behind

i'm quaking and crying like what do i dooo

[aita-polls]

AITA: My (F31) best friend (F33) got angry at me for not organizing her a bigger birthday celebration.

I've known my best friend for 10 years, we've been through a lot, we used to work together and now we don't anymore, so we only see each other for birthdays and celebrations, and we text each other as we need to, not everyday nor once a week, more like twice a month.

Usually on my birthdays she and our other best friend (M37) go all the way out to celebrate me. It's been a dynamic we've had since we met, that in our birthdays we try to go all in, with surprises, usually weekends spent somewhere else (like the beach or mountain) and basically doing a lot for the birthday person, it's not always perfect but most of the times it's big.

Now last year, we tried to organize for her a good birthday celebration, we went to have dinner at the beach and then to a kind of amusement park close to it (we're not from the US), it was expensive and supposed to be nice but it rained and the restaurant we were supposed to go was closed so we went to another one and basically I could tell she didn't like it. She didn't say anything except that she and her girlfriend didn't like to go out that much anymore because of drinking and driving, so like they felt more comfortable drinking at home. And that was her excuse for like, not having fun then.

So this year we planned a home party for her. We went all in with liquor and different cocktails, more expensive stuff that we usually don't do, snacks and everything, but due to convenience (her house being the biggest and having enough rooms for all of us to sleep in) we decided to throw her the party in her own house. I asked her and her gf if that was okay, if they liked the plan and she said yes, that she'd always welcome us gladly... it was supposed to be an opportunity to be stupid silly drunk without any of the risks or stress of doing it in a public place.

Fast forward to the very same day of the party... her girlfriend was in charge of getting some edibles for us to eat at the party and she tells me none of her suppliers has product available. I don't know anything about buying that kind of stuff, it's always their thing to get that for the group, so we tried a couple of options and basically we didn't have any weed for the night.

So she texted me asking, since we had no weed, if we had another plan for the night... I'm like ??? no??? we did have enough alcohol to get super wasted, so in my mind I was like: even tho it's sad we won't have weed, there's still everything else we had already purchased for the party.

She then sends me a 7 min voice note saying that she needed to be honest with me, that our friendship could survive this because we were both adults and I should be able to listen to this without it offending me, but basically she felt bad because she thought she deserved better than just a house party, in her own place where she's everyday... that all of our parties she did everything to make it special, and started naming examples of this, but that since last year she'd felt we didn't do the same for her. That last year we went to places she'd already been in, and this year we were doing the party at a house? when none of our celebrations were ever at our houses... and stuff like that.

She also mentioned that though it's true that she's been forgetting to get us christmas presents for the past two years (which is true) it's not fair for her to get this kind of celebration, when we are three people (me, my other friend and her gf) to divide expenses with...

So, AITA for not planning a bigger party for her? I genuinely thought that the house celebration was going to be good, I'd like something like that for my own bday party. I also feel like, if she felt like this she should've told me before, not the exact day of the party at noon. I feel like she only said this to make me feel bad and I'm still so angry, but when I've talked about it with people irl they only say that she should've mentioned it before... but they do think that her comments are valid, as in, she's right we should've done something bigger for her... so I'm genuinely asking 🙏🏽

[thebluntstudent]

FOUR ANXOUS THOUGHTS YOU MAY BE HAVING PRE-EXAM, AND WAYS TO RATIONALISE THEM ...

Also, a little commentary about panic attacks because I been there babs, in fact was there 30 mins ago~

°•☆•°

Tomorrow, I have an exam that I have been dreading for a long time. So naturally, today when I woke up a couple hours later than I was anticipating and opened up my notes to make the most of my last day of revising, I was hit with a flood of overwhelming anxiety and a panic attack followed suit.

I was struggling to move, I felt so overtaken by my thoughts- so I lay down, hugged myself, and did my best to calm down and rationalise my thoughts. This is how I got through it, and this is how I contended with a few of the emotionally-loaded thoughts that were driving my pre-exam panic:

Firstly, getting through it. If you are having a panic attack, don't try to push it down or ignore it- it sucks babs, but much like escaping a burning building by jumping through the fire, it's happening now and the only way past it is going through. So feel it. If you can talk to someone to support you through and ground you then do, and use whatever aids you to help calm the physical effects enough that you can start to fight that negative filter making you feel like the worlds biggest failure right now- you're not. You're a human, and if you didn't care about this exam you wouldn't be curled up in bed hyperventilating about it!

°•☆•°

Just physically calming yourself down doesn't help you fight the thoughts you're having that may be caused by or be the cause of your anxiety in the first place- so here are a few anxious thoughts I have had that you may also be experiencing and the rationalisation that helped me through them- in hopes that if you aren't doing okie dokie right now that maybe this will give you something to focus on and help you be the devil's advocate to your own anxiety too:

"I woke up later than I wanted to, I've lost important study time." So you slept through your alarm, or forgot to set one- fretting about lost time is only going to make you lose your mind and lose focus more, and the day before an exam you need as much rest as the night before. A few hours may feel like a lot of time, but you probably wouldn't have made the most of that in a groggy sleep-deprived state anyway. You're looking after yourself, you still have time, and that is okay.

"I have so much to get through, I'm never going to understand everything now." There is still plenty that you can do! I have been moderately unwell for 2 months and it has had a massive impact on my capacity to study consistently. There's a fair bit of content I know that I don't have enough time to understand at a first grade level- but I still have hours to lock down a little bit more confidence in preparation for the exam. Stop thinking 'I have to do ALL of this in the next 24 hours', start thinking 'what can I do to make myself feel a little more confident for tomorrow?'- as I mentioned in my last post, in just a 5-10 minute revision session you can go over a topic's worth of content via flashcards, and you literally have hours to go yet.

"I'm a bad student, I should have started prepping weeks ago/I should have done more." Hindsight is a bitch. Even if your reason for not studying before now is simply procrastination (which does not make you a bad student, it makes you a normal student- and also, a human being), mourning the time you've lost will not get you a top grade. You still have so much time to make yourself feel a little more prepared- you aren't a bad person, and you can still do something now even if you didn't a week ago! <3

"I don't even know where I'm supposed to start now, everything feels so overwhelming." take 20. Stop envisioning your subject as a whole (easier said than done, I know), and instead try to break it down into little segments of info you have to learn- you've already been taught the subject, so you don't have to learn the WHOLE thing in 24 hours. I like to write a list breaking down my module lecture by lecture, with three little check boxes next to it (though this depends on the subject you're doing): content, flashcards, practise. Cross off anything you've already done, pick one topic- one task you want to focus on and ignore everything except for that for however long you'll be working on it. It doesn't matter if you can't get through the whole list- every little section you do is another set of questions in the exam that you now have a better chance at answering. Isn't that a win?

This won't get rid of your anxiety like some magic solution, and it isn't always an easy task to dismiss your restless mind's accusations- but hopefully this is a little helpful for any fellow messy, anxious students out there who want the best but aren't in the best circumstances to get there <3 also, good luck!

[catdadacd]

Some Sentences Sunday!

Because i've been tagged a couple of times these past few days (sorry i'm shit at being tagged) but @bigassbowlingballhead and @monsterrae1 for definite<3 so have some more cat dad alex!

When he went to shower, Davit was balled up under a blanket, the only sign of life was the steady, subtle, rise and fall of his back. Alex was half way through shampooing his hair when the hollering started. Panic had darted up Alex’s spine, all of the places in his apartment that may not be cat-proof yet flashing behind his eyes all at once, throwing his heart into overdrive. He had almost brained himself on the glass of the shower door, unable to move fast enough on wet feet, leaving small, soapy puddles on the tiles that threatened to ease the traction from under him. "You really don't have a clue about cats, do you?" Alex thinks his ears may be pink, soaking in Henrys amusement, making him squirm. "What? No!” Alex gets a little defensive, voice raising. “My mom never let us have pets, we couldn't even bring a fish home from the fair!" Apparently, Davit senses distress, another miserable wail from behind the door. "Well, if you remember, I told you that Sphynx cats are a little clingy, all cats have a tendency to follow their owners around and they don't like doors being closed on them, they - they worry about you." Henry explains. "That’s ridiculous! Am I supposed to let him come in with me while I pee? Or shower? That’s creepy, he’s got these real big green eyes and-" he pauses looking for something else, slapping his palm against his forehead when he finds it, "-claws! What is this? Bates Motel for cats!? And how is it okay for pets to see you naked? They’re just babies – creatures! It’s weird!" "Just leave the door open a crack so he can check on you." Henry reasons.

Tags? Uh @taste-thewaste @firstprincehornyramblings ??? Maybe, no pressure