#and saying literally anything would be such a betrayal of trust or whatever

[look-at-the-stars-tonight]

im not going to be messy im not going to be messy im NOT going to be messy. 

[dnangelic]

distortion god's fragment .

the story remains unchanging between the niwa and the hikari. the hikari's pride inspires them to push beyond both moral and mortal limitation. the niwa's pride inspires robbery and an equal arrogance. in a time within azumano the ancient ancestor of the hikari devoted the entirety of his life to the process of both summoning and taking control of arceus, the creation pokemon, for his penultimate masterpiece. it was at the exact moment of summoning that the ancient niwa ancestor, and the very first phantom thief 'dark' interrupted the process, causing the ritual to go completely of control. following the aftermath of the cataclysmic event, the hikari inherited a shattered fragment of the summoned avatar of arceus's power, further warped by the hikari's deep feelings of hatred, loneliness, and sorrow, thus becoming krad. the niwa were infected with antimatter and fragments of the griseous core, (one of the precious artifacts used to summon the mythical pokemon,) causing their very D.N.A to change and distort. this nameless fragment of giratina, or what ancient azumano called 'the kokuyoku' (black wings,) was born into chaos and confusion without its own body or its dedicated heart, until it came to take its hosts, dark's, name for himself.

ordinary human beings became even more terrified and mistrustful of pokemon following the incident. catastrophe followed catastrophe and the birth of dark and krad caused mass-persecution and punishment upon innocent pokemon, both natural and artificially created alike, the hikari themselves beginning to hunt them down as monsters that had to be dealt with before they could cause harm. in the midst of the endless guilt and horror of it all, dark was captured and transported to his very own distortion world by the means of a hikari-created pokemon named manisumea. curious as pandora, she ultimately released dark from his confines - only to be punished by the hikari for the act and left for dead.

furious over her mistreatment, dark made his decision to betray the hikari - and to devote himself to becoming a 'legendary' phantom thief, despite being ensnared in misery and irremovably attached to the niwa's bloodline like a curse. it's been 18 hosts since then, niwa daisuke dark's 19th, but time, at least in regards to anyone and anywhere apart from their own selves, has lost its meaning to them: thanks to the distortion god's power, dark is capable of traveling dimensions, often appearing in the midst of ominous distortions in an attempt to settle them and 'tame' the unruly pokemon inside when he isn't committing a public heist. his reputation is still of a criminal and a villain, and giratina's shadowy, ominous barbed wings on his back aren't helping, but he never confirms nor denies any accusation. the fault of all these things, after all, in one way or another, was his own.

----- quick notes.

dark's wings reflecting giratina's is the only appearance change. emotionally, and as nothing more than the product of what he perceives as multiple mistakes and ill influence, he severs himself from any concept of giratina's (or the 'kokuyoku's) actual identity. he'll respond if you to refer to him as either or if your muse has the historical/mythical knowledge necessary to identify him, but he might not be all that happy about it - having his own identity, being 'dark,' and being acknowledged for his bond with daisuke, or something that's become very human-like makes him much happier than being praised, worshipped, or damned as a monstrous distortion deity that he feels disconnected from.

dark is continuously the subject of public debate. is he human? is he a pokemon? is he a monster? are space-time distortions and all the outraged, rampaging pokemon HIS fault, since he's so often found at the center of them? why would they not be when he shamelessly steals just about anything that takes his interest, from artworks, treasures, to even people's pokemon? scientific communities and research related groups debate endlessly over him, and he's as admired for his unearthly appearance and skill in theft as he is reviled. all anybody knows is throwing a pokeball at his ass and landing it doesn't actually Do anything. except make him mad. wiz also remains his familiar for both theft and battle, and is a unique, artificially created pokemon that originally belonged to the hikari.

dark still has powers, and they still have limitations. the power of god and anime(tm) is a lot for an ordinary eety beety 15 yr old human boy's body to handle, but dark doesn't kill his hosts with the sheer force of it or his presence like krad does to the hikari. dark's moveset consists of the usual cautious debuffs: inflicting sleep or confusion on both pokemon or humans alike, but he's also capable of stronger, actual damage-dealing attacks such as shadow balls or dark pulses, (and non-elemental ones, such as fire or lightning strikes,) moves he only uses as a last resort. in a developing battle, dark's top priority will always be to safely run away and escape, he's one of those legendaries and opening/manipulating extremely minute distortions or alternate dimensions for the sake of this does not exacerbate his condition too much. dark can also both coherently understand and converse with the average pokemon - daisuke cannot.

if your name is volo and you have an extremely weird obsession with arceus then dark is making faces at you. this could be Good or Bad. not saying which is more likely though!

[tobi-smp]

you know, with hindsight now what it is I really do think a more literal reading of c!techno's chat would have helped his characterization a Lot

and mind you, this was originally intended to be the case, and very well may have been intended all along even if it wasn't usually emphasized within the lore

and don't get me wrong, I Get why it fell out of favor within the fandom. it coincides with a Very storied ableist trope that demonizes DID and disorders adjacent to it, and Can be spoken about in a way that is essentially indistinguishable from it depending on the word choice.

but the thing is ! not only does it not Have to be an allegory for DID, I straight up don't think it is At All.

because we Know what it's an allegory for. It's His Chat. there's technoblade playing the game, and there's the thousands of people watching with expectations and wants that he's compelled to meet (or, at the very least, pacify through Entertainment).

and this makes much Much more sense when conceived of as Supernatural. be that spirits, gods, demons, or anything that could fill that role. separate entities that, for whatever reason, only techno can sense the presence of and be affected by.

and of course, to an extent this is true for all creators. everyone had an audience that they were meant to entertain and the choices they made were influenced by that fact.

but technoblade came in with a Very distinct set of expectations that heavily impacted the choices he was Expected to make and the kinds of stories that he could tell. he was more or less a living legend in real life just as much as he was in roleplay, and these things were inherently connected.

and it's like !

when c!technoblade says he was peer pressured into killing tubbo at the red festival he Is technically talking about what happened within the roleplay. schlatt was demanding it from him, there's a sort of pressure there. but schlatt was also the dictator they were set to kill, and techno has never had any trouble fighting people he considered a dictator before, and certainly not Schlatt of all people.

but he WAS being peer pressured By His Audience. by thousands of people, most of which were demanding blood Because It Was The Expectation, because it'd be Fun.

out of universe technoblade made the decision he thought would be the most Entertaining, and he was right! consistently he made choices that would let him do the most bombastic Spectacles possible. And It's Great. he's Excellent at pulling dramatics and making a compelling scene that give other people room to work off of. in that sense I'd consider techno an Excellent actor, and I have to imagine that he was fun to work with.

the problem is when you then have to justify it from an in character perspective, grounded in those mushy things like Feelings with characters that can be traumatized and sustain lasting damage, Especially Without acknowledging the out of character incentive.

mind you, it's not Impossible to Create a backstory that could justify it. why a character as consistently powerful and feared as technoblade would feel pressured to kill an ally by someone he not only Can kill but Wanted To Kill. why a character as seemingly secure and in control as technoblade would lash out the way that he does to perceived betrayal, and yet consistently puts no weight onto having killed and permanently scarred an ally that trusted him.

what that'd need is tragedy. a storied history of being hurt and having to survive. building up To an untouchable god from a much much more vulnerable position. Long Lasting trauma that's lead to this deep insecurity and paranoia. and that's Possible and that's Compelling.

but it's just not in the text.

not only did we never learn basically Anything that c!technoblade was up to pre-series, we actually know Less by the end than when we started because of the sbi retconning.

it's a Theoretically Possible interpretation that's technically never Contradicted by canon, but would have to be created by scratch. it's a compelling idea for a fan fic (and one I'd like to read) and it's compelling for a theoretical recontextualization of the character, but it's just not In The Text.

meanwhile, we have the video above.

we have the Objective Fact that technoblade's decision making was often subject to the rule of cool (very Very effectively) to entertain his audience.

and most compellingly, these concepts Don't Need To Be Separate. in fact, in my opinion they're Stronger when you put them together.

because the thing is. it's Difficult to imagine techno as ever being in a vulnerable position. he is just Objectively more powerful than everyone else on the server, both in real life And within the lore. How could he have ever been afraid when he was stronger than anyone and everyone combined? when we saw with our own eyes that techno could face nearly the whole server at once and win.

but he Is a tragic character, at least he's meant to be. and that tragedy makes much Much more sense as something Inward.

technoblade as a character who Needs connection, who Needs stability, who Needs security, who Needs friendship and community and Love. but Lashes Out, Obliterates to the core of the earth, because of something that's not only out of his control but that other people Cannot Understand.

how do you explain to a child that you killed their best friend because a chorus of the undead called for his blood and you (in all the glory that he'd idolized) were unable to do anything but comply? how do you explain to that child that you beat him senseless in a pit as the restless dead jeered and laughed?

That's interesting. That's Compelling.

technoblade is idolized like a god, feared like a force of nature, and in an instant cut himself off from nearly everyone who'd considered him an ally. and that seems to be a pattern, over and over and over again. he's left isolated, and in return he faces retaliation, and in return he's always Waiting for retaliation.

and what do you say to someone who wants to kill you for being a monster? that it's Fine Actually because you only did what you did because you have a curse that compels you to? that the supernatural guided you to destroy their homes and kill their people? (rip jack manifold you will be missed)?

That Doesn't Quite Help Your Case.

technoblade as someone who is beholden to this literal cycle of violence and Loses those things that could ground him, community, stability, People, as a result. who Tries to overcome this very fact (to become a better person, in his own words as per the clip above), but is pulled back into it as a consequence of his own actions.

that's a tragedy !! that Makes Sense. that allows him to be Both this force of nature that other characters have to survive And A Person Who Is Hurt By The Same Conflict.

"I'm a person!" that fear of dehumanization makes So So Much More Sense when you see technoblade as someone who Already fears himself. who fears being a monster, who fears losing control, who has faced isolation again and again and again.

and, importantly, it doesn't have to be anyone else's Fault.

by making the source both Internal and Completely External (something that none of the other characters have any awareness or control over), you can Have techno as a tragic character without demonizing anyone else Or erasing the impact that c!techno had on them.

and in that sense, it Can be an allegory for mental illness, but not in that direct "oooooh how scary he hears voices" kind of way that people fear it looks. but in that sometimes people Will do things that can hurt others while not feeling in control. anger and mania and paranoia, things that you can't always Control and yet that impact that you have on other people still Matters.

and the answer to that is, often, vulnerability and accountability.

I think a lot about technoblade isolating himself so near entirely from the rest of the server, and slowly gathering a support system Back by the end. and I Really Do think that framing of it through this lens is a Very impactful way of breaking it down.

tubbo, tommy, wilbur, ranboo, niki, I think they'd All understand not feeling in control. lashing out, maybe even feeling justified in the moment, but hurting people they care about and furthering their own isolation.

There's Something There, and it's already In The Text. it just needs to be expanded on.

and why not do that ourselves now?

[grasshopperdoingdogpaddle]

Do you think Raimundos betrayal affected his and Omis relationship at all?

Oh yeah, gravely.

The foundation of that bond was built of deep trust, on Omi's end.

After a lifetime of growing up in the temple with fellow monks and colleagues who never had to question their values against each other, Raimundo is the first outside person who Omi grows to trust and really warm up to. He's the most confusing, but also the most fascinating.

Omi learns that even though he says and does things he doesn't understand, Raimundo loves them. Even though he lies and tricks them, he never does so maliciously. It is curious. It is funny. Raimundo has a sort of cleverness that Omi vocally acknowledged and admired. Omi sees him as confusing and knows he won't really get a lot of Raimundo's actions, but still trusts that they will always, at the core of it, be driving by caring about them, and trusts that Raimundo's cleverness and experience simply means there are some things Omi will need to have blind faith in him for.

Omi literally can't even fathom that Raimundo would actually want to hurt them. The foundation of his feelings for Raimundo is that even if Omi can't understand Raimundo's mind, Omi can trust Raimundo's heart.

Even the confusing, strange things Raimundo does, he does them because he cares about them, in Omi's eyes. He loves them, and Omi can't imagine wanting to intentionally hurt people you love. They always came through in the end for each other before.

So when reality does eventually hit, with the betrayal and how far it's taken, the entire foundation of that faith crumbled, along with everything about the relationship that was built on top of it.

The other dragons almost die multiple times, and would have definitely died if Jack hadn't been a surprise wildcard in the events. Omi almost loses the temple he grew up in. The others think that Omi has been lost to the past forever, and all of that... doesn't change anything in Raimundo, it seems. Not til the very end.

Omi can't come out of that experience feeling the same way. All his friends were nearly lost to this. Loyalty and honor were integral to Omi's being, and this was his hard way of learning that that's not universal. As it turns out, Omi understood even less than he thought he did, and he can't just have blind faith that the parts he don't understand are still something he can rely on anymore.

Omi's the first one to speak up against Master Fung to advocate that they let Raimundo come back to the temple after everything that happened, because he does think Raimundo deserves a second chance and a place there.

But Omi also is very honest about the fact that he's deeply traumatized by everything that happened and does not feel ready trust Raimundo again. He's willing to go forward with some manner of team relationship, but not with trust again. That's Omi's boundary.

Omi feels really uncomfortable around Raimundo after that and isn't even sure if they can be called friends anymore.

And Raimundo is very resentful of the fact that Omi isn't giving Raimundo the same unconditional trust that Omi used to have in him.

He's angry that things won't just go back to where he left them off. He changed his mind and doesn't think anyone else should dwell on what he did either if they're supposed to be moving past it. But especially not Omi, since Omi doesn't try to hide how affected he was by it like the others do.

Omi's discomfort and Raimundo's resentment and their pain become the new foundation for whatever is to be rebuilt.

Which leads to its fair share of highs and lows.

Highs, like Omi being the one to never lose belief that Raimundo is reachable and fighting alongside them during the Heylin Comet incident, and even being the one to reach him! And Raimundo being the one brought to tears when Omi's turned into a cat and the one vocally challenging Chase to gamble for Omi's freedom, even being the most protective about Omi there.

Those two moments even being direct callbacks to each other!

"The Four of us!" "...Four?" "Yes, Four!"

But also, lows, like... everything that happens in The Return of Master Monk Guan, for example. A whole episode about deliberately reopening the others' scars from the first betrayal, and ending on such a callous note, too. Whatever progress towards healing the gap there was, that episode definitely stops it in its tracks and backtracks it.

Their bond's recovery has not been linear, to say the least.

It's a contentious relationship, and what it might have become without the betrayal is probably not what it's ever going to be now. But those are the circumstances they'll have to move forward with.

And despite it all, despite the things they'll never ever get back, they are, in some way, moving forward. Whatever that looks like.

[bestworstcase]

anyway about cinwin and my ongoing losing-the-plot situation: i think it’s really interesting to lay what winter does in v8 against cinder’s whole thing—because winter witnesses the culmination of ironwood’s military coup when he shoots councilman sleet and then glances across the hallway to make eye contact with harriet, only to see her slam down the standard-issue indifferent “what are your orders, sir?” mask, whereupon winter realizes that a) everybody here except her is going to fall in line, and b) she’s stuck in a hospital bed right now and if she speaks out ironwood is just going to shoot her too, which helps no one. and therefore c) it falls to her to get back on her feet as quickly as possible so that she can do what she can to be a guardrail.

every choice she makes after this point is a calculation: what are the general’s orders, what is the right thing to do in this situation, and how can she—to the greatest degree possible—bend the former to meet the latter, until that becomes impossible and she intervenes to protect marrow and get both of them safely into a position to help. which is to say, winter spends the majority of v8 actively undermining ironwood, without him noticing. as he says, he expected betrayal at every turn but never from her.

and of course when they fight in the end it’s, “you closed the borders! you squeezed mantle until it broke!”—her trust and faith in him have been diminishing quite literally since the fall of beacon. likewise in v7, when winter is alone with people she trusts (weiss, penny) she is quite open about the fact that she doubts and wrestles with the choices ironwood is making, and it’s clear from what she says that this is very important to her; that—whatever she thinks of herself—winter has never been one to blindly follow orders.

the point being, winter is in fact exactly the kind of person ironwood, on paper, should have been monitoring for any hint of disloyalty, except that she hides her skepticism and personal disagreements so well that he doesn’t suspect a thing until the very moment she gently questions his orders to his face for the first time ever in a last-ditch effort to talk him down, and then almost literally stabs him in the back when he doesn’t waver. WHO DOES THIS SOUND LIKE–

this is , er, Cinder Behavior. the flawless mask of whatever the distrusted authority figure wants to hear hiding loyalty that is extremely conditional? the utter lack of self-worth. the covert subversion and open defiance? they do those in reverse order of each other in v8 but it’s the same in principle.

this in itself is not suggestive of a romantic arc being in the cards however, it does mean that winter is—out of the heroic cast—uniquely equipped to Understand Cinder Fall, for reasons of wearing masks herself in addition to being intensely concerned with the morality of her choices.

(there is something very compelling about winter specifically hearing… anything about rhodes, because winter is the ultimate symbol of atlas in cinder’s mind—a schnee, a soldier, a huntress—and winter would also be viscerally horrified by the way rhodes handled the situation. it’s an obvious narrative opportunity to wrench open a second crack in cinder’s worldview; winter is the last person cinder would expect to be outraged on behalf of the enslaved girl who killed her abusers.)

in conjunction with everything else… hm

[luvfy0dor]

I Like my Boyfriend !! ♡ Fyodor Dostoevsky x GN!Reader ༉‧₊˚.

╰┈➤ Word Count; 2.9k ♡

Warnings; Cheating, angst, some Sigma x reader, abandonment, perchance ooc

Description; Your boyfriend wasn't treated the best as a member of the DOA, the sole benefit being the casino he gets, but that casino is the very place his own partner starts to feel more for his boss than him.

A/N; Im so sorry y'all I know I should be doing requests instead but I think I won't be able to work on other stuff if I don't write this out ykwim 😞

The sky casino became just as much of your home as Sigmas when you started seeing him romantically. You spent many nights there, convincing Sigma to come and lie down with you when he was over working himself or massaging his shoulders after he had to deal with a stressful conflict between visitors. Sigma had welcomed you into his home with open arms once he was convinced you wouldn't take advantage of his naivety, sharing his rather short yet tragic life story and entrusting that you would be as loyal to him as he was to you.

The heels of Sigmas shoes clicked against the floor, making a soft tapping sound as you walked through the Casino corridors, his arm hooked around yours. His long, choppy hair fell over his shoulders so beautifully, the silky strands bouncing as he walked. He seemed tired today, having a little less pep in his step then usual, if you could even call it that. Energy was a better word, the poor boy looked utterly drained this morning. These are all the things you would usually notice and tell him about later, either through means of complimenting him or gently scolding him for spending too many hours memorizing small details about the casino's customers. Today was different, though. Your mind was clouded with the thoughts of someone else, another man, specifically the one you were so excitedly making your way to visit.

Ofcourse, whenever Sigma is around, you feigned strong dislike towards Fyodor, but that couldn't be further from the truth. You enjoyed your short time spent around Fyodor, he was utterly sublime in your eyes in every single category; smarts, looks, and honestly everything else. Despite his musty-seeming aura, he actually kept himself very hygienic. He showered every morning, alluring you with the clean and fresh scent of whatever soap he used to scrub away any accumulated dirt from the day prior. The quiet and quick glances you took of each other made your heart flutter, having to bite your lip in order to hold back a flustered, shaky breath.

You didn't realize just how emotionally disloyal you were to Sigma until he started ranting about Fyodor one evening and you objected him. It's not like you said anything too jaw dropping in your opinion, instead you said something along the lines of "Don't you think you're exaggerating a bit, honey? He's not all that bad." Was that the right thing to say to your boyfriend in that moment? No, absolutely not. Would that be the right thing to say to Sigma in literally any other moment? No, absolutely not². You knew that, you knew that real good and well, yet you couldn't stop your words once they already started to pour out of your mouth like a waterfall. The look of absolute shock and betrayal that painted Sigmas face was one you wouldn't forget in a million lifetimes. You could still hear the sound of his angered, yet not aggressive questions lingering in the back of your head at all times. Anytime you peeked in Fyodors direction with a blush on your face, you heard it.

"Y/n, are you being serious? You know about everything he's done, to me, to all those innocent people!" Sigma quietly murmured to you, the room falling silent with no white noise in the background to take your attention away from his truthful words. "And you really think he's not all that bad?" He says, visibly heartbroken, especially since he had shared all this with you; he trusted you to be the first person to back him up when he participated in Fyodor discourse, you taking the opposing side was something he could almost never predict. In all honesty, he didn't think you would have the heart to.

Sigma firmly believed that if you fell in love with another man, you would atleast tell him instead of leading him along like a horse with a carrot on a stick, but he was clearly wrong. He noticed your brief glances and exchanges with Fyodor, he noticed the way you started to get more nervous around him, and not the unsettling nervousness. It was the kind of nervousness a high schooler would have when talking with their crush. The kind of nervousness you get when you quickly interact with someone you've been so actively pursuing for months now, feeling as though you're finally making progress over a mumbled "excuse me" or "I'm sorry." Sigma believed that you were making progress with redirecting your hearts focus to him rather than to his superior, but today was going to either prove him right or wrong.

"Are you alright?" Sigma asks, the speed of his walking slowing down a bit as he turns to you, his eyes fluttering from your eyes to your lips quickly. You gave him a small smile and nodded. "Ofcourse, why do you ask?" You softly ask him, twirling some of his hair around your finger.

"No particular reason. You just seem a little...dazed this morning. Did you sleep well?" You hummed in confirmation, giving his hand a small squeeze. "Ofcourse I did, I had you sleeping next to me." You smile, knowing damn well you were lying through your teeth. You still loved Sigma, but recently many nights you found yourself gazing out the window, watching the stars for a while as you question your relationship with him. The main reason you stayed was because you weren't confident that Fyodor was in love with you the way you were in love with him.

"Alright." Sigma sighs, reaching for the handle of one of two big doors that towered over you both. "Let's just get this done and over with." He mumbles, pushing the door inwards and walking into the relatively spacious office. Fyodor sits in one of the chairs near Sigmas desk, adjusting his ushanka as he gazes at you both over his shoulder. "Good morning, Fyodor." Sigma says, sitting in his personal chair. Your eyes were glued on Fyodor as your brain turned off it's comprehension function, to dazed by the beauty of his gorgeous, purple eyes. You could hear both of the men speaking, but you had no idea what either of them were saying. You listened to the Russian accent in Fyodors voice, imagining him saying the things you wanted him to. You wanted to hear him tell you how lovely and fantastic you are, you wanted him to tell you he wanted to spend every moment of the day with you, your mind even slipping into fantasies of marrying him; envisioning pretty flowers on tables and what you would say in your vows.

You snapped out of your fantasy just in time to notice Fyodor looking straight at you, continuing to talk with sigma but staring into your soul. You blushed and averted your eyes from him for the very first time since you arrived in the room, diving back deep into your silly little fantasies about an average life with Fyodor before being so rudely interrupted by a loud and echoing knock. Sigma beckoned the person inside, the person only turning out to be one of the casinos many lower-ranked staff.

"Sigma, you're needed out on the floor. I'm not quite sure for what, but one of the customers requested to speak with you." This evoked a loud sigh from Sigma, who didn't really want to leave you alone with a man you had been "all over" a couple of months ago (and still were) , but he really had no choice. In the end, however, he would sacrifice you and your loyalty if it meant he got to keep the one thing he finds true, genuine, and unwavering stability in. The familiar sound and echo of his shoes fill in the silence, the door being left wide open deliberately. The staff member follows Sigma out onto the casino floor, leaving you and Fyodor in the room together, sitting across from each other. You stared at him for a moment, and leaned back in your chair.

"I noticed your staring. Do I have something on my face?" He asks, his calm yet teasing smile made a shiver run up your spine, giddy over the entire situation. Your boyfriend has stepped away, leaving you with your dream man. Alone. You shook your head at Fyodors question.

"No, no. Sorry." You mutter an apology, blushing. He hums, watching as you twiddle your thumbs or twirl your hair, doing anything you possibly could to avoid eye contact. He softly chuckles. "You seem so nervous around me...do I make you anxious? Are you scared of me?" He asks, continuing to tease you and trying to get you to admit your attraction, to which you shake your head quickly. "Not at all, no. I just...sorry, I didn't mean to stare...zoned out." You mumble. He lets out a soft "ohhh" , nodding and leaning back in his chair, his legs crossed.

The room falls silent for a moment, the clouds slowly passing by outside hold your attention. You can so clearly feel his eyes burning holes in the back of your head, and if that had hurt you, it must have been utterly agonizing for him. You turn to look at him, your head tilting ever so slightly. Your eyes immediately lock with his, creating even more tension in the room than you had previously thought possible. "I know where your attraction lies." He says with a smirk, resting his head on his slightly balled fists. Your face felt as though it had immediately lit up in flames of embarrassment, trying to arrange your words in the most intelligible way possible.

"Ofcourse you do, you're a smart man." You say, raising one of your eyebrows and bouncing your leg a bit. "Ah, and Sigma is not?" He mutters with a large grin. You sigh a bit, shaking your head.

"I don't recall saying that." He hums, nodding. "You didn't say that, but it was kind of implied. Unless, ofcourse, Sigma knows that you're far more interested in me than you are in him." He says, rising from his chair and walking over to you. He gently grasps your face, squeezing your cheeks ever so slightly between his thumb and every other finger. His gaze flickers between your eyes and lips in the same way Sigmas had earlier that day. This time, instead of feeling nothing at all, you felt a strong, almost magnetic urge to connect your lips to his. One of your hands found itself on Fyodors chest, the other on his thin bicep.

"You're right, it did sound that way. I think he knows, but I think he's really trying to salvage the relationship." You say, subconsciously leaning into Fyodors body. You barely felt sorry, any pang of guilt that nearly hit your heart was rebounded right off because of the high speed that Fyodor had caused it to beat at. The pure excitement and thrill you felt any time he acknowledged your existence made your heart flutter, easily overriding every other emotion. You knew he could feel it too, his eyes softening compared to when he conversed with Sigma, a new gentleness to them. His thumb gently caressed your jawline as he shamelessly stared at your lips. "Hm, so you're leading him on, no?" A soft chuckle erupts from his chest, his hand moving away from your face to rest in the space between your neck and shoulder, almost pulling you in closer.

"You're right again, what a surprise." You smile, flashing your teeth in the slightest as you both mutually lean in, ready to kiss before Fyodor brings his finger up to your lips. "Hm, no, not right at this moment." He grins, pulling away and removing his hands from your neck. You can't help but frown at the lack of affection, this doesn't go unnoticed by the highly observant Fyodor.

"You can get all of that and more from Sigma, dear." He smiles, almost as if he were trying to pull a confession out of you, and boy, was it working. Both of you knew you didn't want that attention from Sigma, not anymore at least. You had seemingly gotten bored after about a year or so. Ofcourse Sigma had his qualities that kept you enthralled for some amount of time, but Fyodor really could offer you all that and a bag of chips. Fyodor was more so your type than Sigma was, and obviously Sigma was beautiful, but Fyodor was resplendent. Sigma was determined, but Fyodor was unwavering, every quality you seemingly loved about Sigma was easily one-upped by Fyodor, and yet you still stayed with Sigma.

You groan a bit. "Fyodor, I don't want the affection from him." You say, caressing his shoulders as he sits, planted in the original chair he had greeted you both from. You softly stroke the fur on Fyodors ushanka as he hums, acknowledging your statement. "Oh, I'm fully aware of that." He mutters. "Why do you think you deserve it? You're quite rude. Leading such a naive man on like that." His grin never fades as he sits cross-legged in the comfortable chair, teasing you with his words.

"You can't talk, you've done worse, and regardless, Sigma may be naive, but he's not emotionally stupid." You say, trying to convince Fyodor to hand you the love and attention that you want from him on a silver platter. He hums, seemingly thinking for a moment. "Mm...maybe later, we'll see." His Russian accent is as present as ever while he speaks.

You nod. "Alright, I guess it'll be worth the wait." You say, playfully rolling your eyes before returning to your chair next to Sigmas. It doesn't take too much longer for Sigma to re-enter the room, reclaiming his spot next to you, the spot that you wish was being occupied by Fyodor. Again, you zoned out, not really caring to listen to whatever it was that they were blabbering about. You found yourself stuck in some demented loop every time Fyodor was in your presence, always ending up almost entranced by him. Bewitched, even, and then going back to Sigma the second he left yet still having him overtake your thoughts and desires. This had to come to an end, and you knew it.

As soon as Fyodor exited the room, you would tell Sigma everything. About how you've simply fallen for Fyodor instead, not intending to break his heart but going unbothered if you did. About how you've been thinking about it for a couple of months now and it was time to end this. It just was not what your heart wanted and had it gone on any longer, it likely would have been detrimental to Sigma. Your heart simply could not beat for him anymore.

You heard them wrap their conversation up, Fyodor standing to shake Sigmas hand, which he hesitantly accepted. They said their goodbyes, and Fyodor grinned at you before he walked out of the office room. Sigma sighed and sat back down for a moment. He looked exasperated, and you knew what you're about to say was only going to make things worse.

"Sigma." You called his name softly, not wanting to disturb him just yet. You gently massage his scalp as he hums in response, leaning his head back into your hands. "I'm not in love with you anymore." You mumble. You can hear his breath hitch and his eyes widening for a moment, his whole body freezing as if someone had hit a pause button on his life. He brings his hand up and pushes yours off of his head, getting up out of his chair. "And you're one hundred percent sure of that?" He asks, his face still having a baffled expression. You nod.

"Alright. Get out." He says, pointing to the door of his office. A part of you wants to apologize, but it would be disingenuous, so you only nod as you head for the doors. Once you shut them behind you, you pick up your speed to a jog and search the hallways for Fyodor. You turn numerous corners before you spot the familiar black fabric of his cape, encouraging you to pick up your pace a little more. "Fyodor!" You call out to him, slowing down when he turns around and grins, indicating your possession of his attention. You walk up to him and start to speak after catching your breath.

"Him and I are over, we're done, I'm not leading him along anymore." You admit, staring deep into Fyodors eyes. "Oh, and how are you so sure I'm not doing the exact same thing to you that you did to him?" Fyodor asks, his hair falling towards one side as he tilts his head, looking you up and down. You roll your eyes a bit. "Are you?" You question the Russian man in front of you.

"No, but what if I was? That would certainly be a crime-fitting punishment scenario, I feel." A small smile is present on his face as he looks at you, taking in every detail of your face, noticing how truly void it was of guilt for your actions. Maybe some pity for Sigma, but nothing more. You smile at his sentence. "Hmm...I don't know, I'd probably be pretty sad." You murmur, placing one hand on his shoulder. "So it's a good thing you're not.

He grins and leans in before whispering softly against your lips. "It absolutely is, someone needs to give you that attention you crave so desperately, right?" He softly says, his grin doesn't fade as your lips connect in a kiss, his hand on your face softly caressing your cheeks. After a moment, you pull away for oxygen.

You nod a bit at his question prior to the kiss. "Yes, and I'm so glad it's gonna be you."༉‧₊˚.

[ritsukaaoyagi]

loveless volumes 5 & 6 both have a lot going on with Believing ♥ in someone most specifically on soubi's part to obviously a kind of like devotional (don't know if I'm using that word right) degree and with ritsuka being kind of suffocated by that pressure put on him by soubi as he is soubi's Sacrifice... ummm and it goes without saying that soubi also in his way "believed" in seimei in like a religious sense too what with literally everything starting in volume 1 and then in volume 5 he even outright says "seimei was my god" and yeah but the way the believing and whatever functions in each of their dynamics (seimei/soubi vs ritsuka/soubi) is different and fun... and also demonstrates the differences between how soubi functions in his bond with ritsuka vs. his bond with seimei in that it is "safer" for soubi to put that pressure of belief i mentioned before onto ritsuka. because it isn't as if ritsuka is a similar figure to soubi as seimei was to soubi, like that much is clear but it is especially clear because of how soubi doesn't only want to believe in ritsuka but he wants ritsuka to believe in him as well and vocalizes that with some desperation in volume 5.

though ritsuka does kind of kickstart this himself before the above scene, during the initial Seimei Might be Alive reveal

and while ritsuka's way of believing is obviously much less devout than soubi's believing as soubi is soubi, it still comes with a pretty significant level of devotion or like... there is a certain "clinging" kind of vibe to it............ evidently............. i was gonna say there is some level of delusion to it as well because it's sooo so obvious seimei is alive but ritsuka keeps going around before goura saying or thinking that seimei must be dead solely because soubi tells ritsuka that seimei is dead (also because of his own belief in seimei, "if seimei's alive, he would be here with me"), but by this point soubi has proven time and time again that his word cannot be trusted regardless of whether or not soubi actually believes himself that seimei is dead, and obviously ritsuka is aware of this but chooses to believe soubi as an expression of trust more than anything else.....this crazy girl scene

AND THIS IS LIKE. A NOT TOTALLY QUESTIONABLE WAY OF THINKING arguably... I mean there's a lot going on what with betrayal and forgiveness but generally speaking the idea behind this is that ritsuka isn't going to revoke his trust or belief in soubi even if soubi is wrong or slips up or "betrays" him in that Believing in someone is kinda just like Loving someone. but "betrays" holds a lot of heavier connotations so yeah and then this says enough about unconditional love and unconditional love is just not a reasonable concept at all which is a major theme in loveless HAHAHAH OR AT LEAST WITH HOW LOVELESS TALKS ABOUT IT LIKE existing without boundaries and/or self respect. again it's one of those things where ritsuka clearly has some pretty """""normal""""" ideas on what it means to love someone and what a relationship needs in terms of healthy trust and belief, but because ritsuka is ritsuka and soubi is soubi, and with their respective relationships w/ seimei, nothing is ever that simple and ritsuka's beliefs and ideas manifests in a more co-dependent or like devout kind of way like he def has his own soubi moments... and then of course comes this scene in volume 6

and then this from soubi... so fun

ya i don't know i had more to say i think about soubi and seimei but i shouldn't have brought ritsuka up too soon because now idgaf. no analysis sorry i just wanted to talk about sourit... I guess

[moonlightdancer26]

There's something very fascinating and horrifying about the werewolf 'prank.' Canon presents it as a very simple, not very prominent thing, but I think it was huge.

Like, even beyond what could have happened (mainly Severus getting seriously injured, killed, or infected and Remus being killed or imprisoned) there's a lot of really messed up stuff.

For starters, it's a huge betrayal on Sirius's part, that probably affected Remus deeply. Imagine thinking that your friends are like super cool with your lycanthropy and that they accept you and they even became animagi to be with you-then suddenly you wake up from a very painful transformation to find out that the person who has very valid reason to get you expelled, imprisoned, or killed knows your secret. Because of the best friend you trusted literally facilitating that.

And then after that, instead of actually trying to fix things and make sure Snape doesn't want to tell (Snape can tell, as shown in third year. Plus, a 'theory' that can ruin Remus's life if shared) Sirius and James just keep on bullying Snape in a truly atrocious way.

They just don't care beyond having fun. That's all Remus's condition is to them. Play. If they did care, they would have actually apologized to Snape and made his life much better bc that would have made Snape less likely to tell. Not bullying is the bare minimum, the Marauders also could have given him money and a safe place to live during the holidays.

I also think this damages Remus's relationship with his friends. He gets to know how they think of him, and he's afraid they'll do it again. Why wouldn't they? It's not like anything actually happened.

It also probably creates a huge change in Snape and Remus's relationship. I think this is why Remus is reasonably favorable to Snape, because he literally never told until Harry's third year. Remus also has reason to fear Snape, because Snape could just ruin Remus's life completely. I also think it's why Remus is so nice to everyone, because he fears upsetting someone so they hurt him. Someone (I think Ottogatto) proposed that Remus was once an active bully instead of an enabler until the prank, and I have to say I agree.

I really got to give some pro Snape vibes and say it's genuinely amazing (and speaks to Snape's incredible determination to do the right thing even if it hurts him) how he never told until third year when someone else but him was endangered. Snape had so many reasons to tell. He could've gotten more favor with the Slytherins, he could've gotten the Marauders to stop bullying, he could've gotten revenge. I wouldn't blame him if he had just snapped and then ensured himself a Marauders free Hogwarts.

(Though it would've been horrible for Remus since while he's a lousy person to Snape he's innocent in this regard and doesn't deserve to be murdered for Sirius's stupid actions.)

Serious respect for Snape here.

On another note, the prank also demonstrates that James and Sirius can do whatever they please. It's really horrible how Albus couldn't really do anything without revealing Remus's secret, but Albus still could've punished Sirius more, maybe made SIRIUS swear not to tell (maybe he did, I don't know).

And it's like...Snape's Worst Memory happened in plain sight, somewhere the teachers could see. James and Sirius knew they wouldn't get in trouble, even if they did it in front of EVERYONE. No one would do anything serious about something that could've resulted in murder, so bullying definitely isn't going to cause problems.

It's awful.

I’m legitimately about to cry because of how brilliant this is, I can’t even respond to what you’re saying because all I can say is how much I agree with you, anon. You’ve said it all perfectly.

[cristinfox]

Things I think about Tsukinami that make sense in my head

Man, I've had Tumblr for about a year and I've only just come to write something here. I'm even surprised at my ability to forget such a great app. 🤦🏾‍♀️

Well, here are some opinions about the Tsukinami brothers, I hope someone has the same perception as mine, or whatever, just understands what I mean. Remembering that these are just opinions and ideas taken from somewhere in my head, that have no real relationship with someone's life. Some canons and headcanon too.

❐❐❐❖❏❏❏

❖First of all, I think it's crazy that people who say that Tsukinami would be “liberal” guys. Like, I don't know, they would let their partner do whatever they wanted after some time together where they had more trust, or something like that. Dude, honestly, in MY OPINION, they wouldn't do that. On the contrary, in my view they are extremely toxic and invasive, your partner would barely have freedom, or personal space, just the bare minimum.

❖Another thing I find strange is the fact that some people say that Carla would never go to extreme lengths to restore her own bloodline. Like, there are people who doubt that he would be capable of sexually violating his partner to get what he wants and, bro, I'm sorry to say, but he would. In the game itself you can understand that this supposedly happened to the protagonist, so I can't believe he would respect his partner's time to, I don't know, have sex and his partner conceive.

❖I also see Carla as someone very desperate to have children, so I can't see him as a 100% gentleman, in my head you either accept having sex with him willingly or fuck off.

❖Another character who would be like this would be Shin and I believe it would be even worse, because the guy is a sadist to the extreme. Like, he wouldn't respect his s/o, much less listen to what his s/o has to say, on the contrary, he would literally treat his s/o as someone who simply exists to satisfy him and meet his needs.

❖Another thing that I don't want to believe is that Shin, in my theory, is very similar to his father and also a great playboy daddy's boy, consequently I think he took several toxic traits from Giesbach, so yes, I I think he would actually cheat on his s/o. I'm not saying it would be a betrayal in a sexual way, but I imagine him a lot flirting and hitting on other women, even kissing or going out with them, letting her touch his body and vice versa, but not going to the extreme. Just to show your s/o that you're not the only one. Simply because he is a brat.

❖The Tsukinami for me are very complex characters, partly due to the countless traumas they had in childhood and also because of their strange principles, such as the fact that I faithfully believe that they are somewhat "sexist" and for that reason they see women as inferior and naturally submissive to their male supremacy. So man, as much as I like the brothers I can't ignore these ideas that may or may not be true.

❐❐❐❖❏❏❏

Well, these are some of my opinions that may or may not make sense. Remembering that these are MY OPINIONS and that you should not base them on the anime/manga/game. If you have anything you would like to comment on, feel free, I accept CONSTRUCTIVE criticism! (Sorry if there are some errors, my main language is not English.)

I hope you liked it, see you later!

[t4tpumpkinduo]

tangentially, whenever ppl get annoying abt merchantisms it makes me wanna dangle the streams in front of their eyes. how do you get that they don't like eachother or either one is an abuser abt anything they've done. what show are you watching. el heich.

like. no yeah the dude who whole deal is that he isn't the heartless monster he wants to portray himself as, secretly IS that heartless monster. despite the narrative over and over going hey, this guy makes some awful mistakes but he clearly cares for people deeply and is being portrayed sympathetically and isn't some irredeemable asshole. this goes fr both btw but i'll focus on cq here cuz i see that one the most in these discussions specifically.

he made cfundy sign a contract saying if he ever left or betrayed lnv, he'd kill him. then didn't enforce it at all 😭 he let him do whatever he wanted. cfundy literally BROKE into his room, STOLE his clothes to LOOK like him and match, and this deeply paranoid guy got all flattered abt it, then let him leave lnv on good terms. they're on /pos standing w eachother explicitly.

he was completely blindsided by the cpurp betrayal. he was genuinely so shocked that it would happen, he completely forgot abt the rammies . he blindly trusted him (abt multiple situations INCLUDING the cookie outpost) and walked up to what was clearly 😭 a trap. and didn't even blink or think it through for a second. like.

it never even crossed his mind ccharlie would be upset w him in any way. and the whole time he was w him, while obviously he had problems like projecting shit onto him and trying to manipulate him, he was v much trying to protect him and shield him from the shit that happened to him, and was ALSO shocked when ccharlie betrayed him fucking sniffling and snorfing and horking like a loser the whole time

and after all that he's STILLLLLLLL very chummy and friendly w foolish, and in lnv5 foolish has to like tell him off and go hey man we're not close like that lol. yr just my boss.

LIKE!!!!!!! the whole point is he's not sm one note evil demon! he stays wack he makes horrible mistakes and choices but he still stays a deeply earnest freak for the whole series. that's the POINT.

but no yeah 😭 smhow despite not displaying these wacko traits w any other person, except one hyper specific situation where the guy he's mauling is a violent stalker murderer who kills and kidnaps children, tortures inoccent people, and is actively and selfishly withholding a deeply important resource that would guarantee the safety of everyone on the server bcs he wants to have power over the kids he keeps beating. and cq wants to stop him from doing those things. hello.

but despite all evidence against it, despite it all, he's still merchant cschlatt's horrible demon captor. to him specifically. somehow. like.

yeah, there's nothing to read into the fact cschlatt would go to him in the first place, despite objectively having MANY MANY other options, including avenues he himself could take alone. not to even mention theres nothing on the dsmp tht would allow a soul binding contract that they would have access to. they deffo just shook on it lmao. it doesn't have that horrific weight ppl give it. 😭 they can both tap out whenever but they do noat.

there's nothing to unpack abt the fact q was grumbling the whole time he was in the gym, but was still following schlatt around and giggling at his jokes. there's nothing to dive into abt the fact cq goes ewwwww i don't even wnna see you lolllll go awayyyy. but if i win the bet you have to stay w me forever. forever. always.

and nothing to say abt cschlatt being portrayed as "having no power" in the situation, as just being a poor uwu pathetic idiot w no agency despite the fact his agency and intelligence and cunning are deeply important to his character, despite the fact he's also being a huge weirdo. saying he was jerking off to q, and trying to tie him down like a dog to a post so he could keep him down in the gym, or even bothering to seek him out and trust him w all that in the first place specifically. 😅 nothing to say abt the fact the merchant is doing the exact same shit he was pulling in the mansion 😭😭😭 and nothing to be said abt the fact twitter character ints are canon and ccschlatt in character replied "you've come a long way sugar pumpkin, let's play mancala" to a lnv5 stream tweet. which.

even Then, while i have my v severe severe severe problems w lnv5, it objectively ends w cq going forward even more w trying to make amends w ppl, and finally trying to open up fully again. AND lnv survived the dsmp world ending nuke.

ANDDDDD to address "the mansion takes place in the distant future" argument, the mansion objective canonically takes places way before lnv even happens as confirmed by multiple streams and characters, including cschlatt and cconnor themselves so. like regretfully i must inform that if you watch tht stream its nowhere near a happy ending for cschlatt, was never intended to be, and objectively like sucks severely out there. he's desperately sad and lonely, and then everyone abandons him again including ckarl. 😭 how is that the best scenario.

so yeah, he's in lnv and he and q are hanging out gay style playing board games and kissing under the moonlight and in good standings no matter which way you slice it and you can mald abt it AND get REALLLLL. all roads lead to cpumpkinduo you miserable slut

[gatorlovebot]

good timezone! i’ve been super busy with holidays, family, and a chronic illness flair up, but i’ve been thinking about you!! i hope you had a great holiday :^)

i’ve been thinking about silly aspects of puppy simon and your relationship.

also some kind of hurt/comfort ones but that’s another ask

-giggled at the idea of accidentally bringing on simon’s puppy brain. it’s routine for him to bring you coffee/tea in the morning and honestly force of habit to praise him, as he’s usually in that headspace when he’s safe at home. but one morning he hands you the mug while you’re making breakfast and you say “good boy” completely on instinct. he has a little involuntary hip wiggle. i love him so much hoohoh

-puppy simon needs to take medicine, shower/bathe, or something else he’s stubborn about? talk to him in an excited voice. why are you excited? he should be excited too! oh. there’s a pill in his mouth.

-zoomies. watching tv with him on your lap. and then he’s on the floor. and on your lap again. in the kitchen. in front of the tv. lap. floor. in the ki

i think once simon lets himself be taken care of and feel safe in his headspace, a lot of behaviours he usually suppresses come to the surface. it’ll be rewarding for both of you, both to be taken care of with a gentle hand, and to be given that trust.

-☕️

omg thank you this is so sweet <3 i also was very busy with work and family and the holidays but i was thinking about you too and how you absolutely spoil me with these puppy simon thoughts :)

the hip wiggle will get me every single time!! it's literally my kryptonite like seeing this big tough man melt at my praise? i could dieeee

the absolute look of betrayal he would give you! maybe before he slipped into puppy space he was complaining about a headache but was too stubborn to take anything for it. once in puppy space you decide to take matters into your own hands and slip some tylenol into whatever little treat you were giving him and he's so happy you're feeing him and speaking to him so sweetly and then. he feels the pill on his tongue LOL

sometimes he likes to laze about in puppy space but sometimes he has energy. he never really strays too far from you but that boy likes to move when he wants to <3

[positivelybeastly]

What would Hank do if his reputation was ruined?

"Invest in a long, heavy coat, and find somewhere quiet to live, I suppose. Perhaps I could go to my parents' farm, help them out. I can't say I ever thought my life would ever be uneventful again, but if that's to be my penance, then . . ."

I mean, it depends on what that reputation is, honestly. Even when he was being raked over the coals for the Inhumans stuff, or the time travel debacle, he was still widely accepted in the superhero community as an intellectual force and someone to be trusted - that's the advantage of having worked with so many people and been known as such a hard working, good hearted individual, it takes a lot to irrevocably ruin that rep. So, we'll assume it's the reputation he would have if X-Force shenanigans came to light.

If it's X-Force Beast who has to own what he did, I think that anything less than lifetime imprisonment or just straight up getting shanked by Wolverine or having his brain turned off by a telepath doesn't really make sense. He's done too much and there's no real reason to spare him since he's too far gone now to come back. Assuming that doesn't happen, though?

X-Force Beast wouldn't care about his reputation - for whatever reason, Percy's version of Beast is a super genius intelligence director who is literally incapable of being diplomatic or genuinely deceptive, he's always super obvious about what he's doing and incapable of playing the charm game anymore.

He probably relishes in that reputation a little bit, since he's either living in Krakoa under diplomatic immunity or already on the run, and he hates everything in existence too much to truly care that he's broken a good few hearts by doing what he's done.

It's one of the reasons the villain turn is super lame, there's no real emotional stake in it for either side of the equation. No-one cares. No-one gives a fuck. There's 'betrayal' in maybe, like, three panels (and I mean panels, not pages) - Percy wanted to have his cake of everyone hating Beast from moment one, and eat it too by having everyone be like, well, we always knew he was shady.

Everyone throttles to angry rather than betrayed or heartbroken, no-one seems to have ever believed that Hank was a good guy, so everyone's just, like, anaesthetised, oh, we always knew he was shady!

If you supposedly knew he was shady, why the fuck did you give him the position, dipfucks?

But resurrected Beast . . . well, honestly, he kinda would and wouldn't care, but for very different reasons.

On the one hand, Hank cares a lot about his reputation, he's always very careful about how he speaks and how he acts and what he does and how that comes across. He's borderline obsessed with being seen as a man first and a beast second. He's also one of the most public mutants in the world, so he feels an obligation to be an ambassador for mutantkind and be a friendly face.

So if all of that got ruined? It would hurt him. Scar him. It would be a pretty deep, lacerating hit to his already weak and bloodied sense of security about himself. It would be hard for him to come back from and I don't know if he'd be able to do it on his own - he might have to go back to his parents' farm and just, find himself again, work out where to go from here, because he'd feel like his entire life plan, his entire philosophy, just . . . failed.

But he would still want to do good. Try and fix that reputation, try and make up for what he did. I doubt he'd think it would ever be enough, but I feel like he'd try, at least. People would just have to feel comfortable letting him, which is. An ask.

[transzilla]

"#but honestly no disrespect if i see anything to do with making a tgirl comptop like its revolutionary im gonna get pissed"

fuck thank you so much for saying this. seeing people glorify not just non-op but even... ANTI-op perspectives and sexuality, and frame lower dysphoric people who want/need SRS as dinosaurs is so depressingly transphobic.

just added extra when you've had trauma FOR being someone who doesn't have sex with the parts you were born with, and even other people in the queer/trans world will try to literally SA or verbally lash out to pressure you to do it. whatever happened to affirming people's transitions and needs yk?

comptop for trans girls and compbottom for trans guys is horrifyingly real and just an offshoot of misgendering and how transphobes always treat us pre-transition. i'm sick of people praising themselves as so revolutionary and queer for expecting me to have the same kind of sex as someone's conservative parents would approve of

I hear you omg I've also had incredibly gruesome experiences with people who can't seem to fathom the idea that I actually don't want to bottom as a trans male LMAO like with cis people it's like whatever ya'll are DEMONS anyway but with other trans people it really catches me off guard how common that sentiment is. it's incredibly disturbing that you'll see the same like entitlement issues and assumed consent and transphobic sexual assumptions in other gay and transgender people .. It feels like betrayal like it really truly does catch you off guard. Like I've had people try to talk me out of being a top like I was fucking lying or something saying like... whatever booboo shit like ohhh no way that's not you, you say yas queen sometimes you're too nice you're too cute I can't see you doing it... blah blah blah.. Like this shit is insane, do you hear yourself??

And like the thing about this inability for queer people to confront their transphobic expectations... they will run away from it seemingly forever!! Like I'll see people try to misconstrue their personal beliefs and make it seem like it's this lib slay because haha wow dude's on bottom and woman's on top. And they're trans. Sex positivity teehee time to assume cause I want this every trans person I meet will want this. All that shit about how they're correct meanwhile they're not taking no for a god damn answer!! Like at least conservative transphobes are just gonna tell it to you straight that they don't see you as a person LMAO there is no subliminal messaging politicizing bullshit. Like  is it really femdom female empowerment when the woman is topping when everyone fucking makes her top and no one considers what she wants? Like wowww that's some feminism right there LMAO

There are gonna be tons of people who will respect you for your preference nd SRS and will be like damn that's really cool but my heart breaks, sometimes, like the amount of lgbt people who perpetuate the same three ringed trans-people-are-pornhub-categories shitshow in a place they're parading as safe. Like it truly does feel like the half-baked offspring of misgendering, like well sure we can do all your pronoun crap but we think you owe us at least this. Like aren't ya'll supposed to be better about this bullshit? Trust no one!!! Lmao.

[madraleen]

the more i think of scaramouche/the wanderer, the richer it all becomes, like-

spoilers for inversion of genesis quest (this got long)

you have scaramouche: he has lived 400+ years fanning his hatred, anger and hurt towards a world that betrayed him, all based on a lie. he goes full evil, dottore unlocks his powers, maybe the tsaritsa grants him more since we know the harbingers all have god-like powers, and then he wields the powers of actual gods, nearly becomes a god, and loses, loses his allies (if you can call them that), most of his powers, and most importantly his purpose. as a glorified captive to a very kind and compassionate god, he discovers that his entire life was based on a lie, his first found family never betrayed him but actually tried to protect him, and the person that ~gave him everything was actually the person that orchestrated everything and built that lie. the thing that scarred scaramouche and that has shaped his life for 400+ years, driving him, never happened. it all comes crumbling down, and scaramouche, evil bratty scaramouche, commits a final act of sacrifice and good will, a shot at redemption, an arguably heroic way to go: he yeets himself in the tree to erase his very existence, so that the people that died because of him would live on.

you have the wanderer: scaramouche if he had never associated with the fatui. he seems to have lived 400+ years as a harmless, completely powerless wanderer. he is kind, soft-spoken, helpful. empty as his previous counterpart, but without taking it out on the world, because (seemingly) the world never turned against him - if anything, the world’s been kind (see- the merchant, see- how he immediately trusts us. he seems to have no reason not to, therefore he’s not on his guard). he wants to see what scaramouche did that ended up with the wanderer, because it’s not him and yet it is him, more intimately than in a usual reincarnation cycle. he wants to face it, he wants to live it, and then he wants his memories back. he wants to assume responsibility. he won’t run away. he won’t pretend it was someone else. he won’t turn away from the full impact of his life. he will go on, symbolically and literally accepting himself, carrying the burden.

and then you have wanderscara: he has lived 400+ years both as an evil brat who IS sassy, and IS mean, and DOES have a bleak view of the world, but ALSO has lived an average human life wherein he had GOOD interactions with humans. he KNOWS he’s never been betrayed, and he both has and hasn’t lived with that feeling of false betrayal for 400+ years. nahida didn’t restore him to a previous version, he gave the wanderer scaramouche’s memories. from god-like AND powerless, he’s now an average vision holder (average as in, he’s not unique, not re: his gameplay). he has given himself over to judgment twice, and now a third time (”if the gokaden descendants want to stab me, let them, maybe that’s what i deserve” or whatever it is that he says). all THREE incarnations of him reach the same conclusion- sacrifice, and moving on while choosing a better path. and he’s still missing a heart, but as nahida says, he understands -even if he’s not ready to accept it- that a physical heart doesn’t make him human, his emotions do, and he’s fully human. he’s already whole. (plus we protect him from his god-self and he protects us, and that’s a rite of passage for our allies, lol.) he is still a brat, he is still a menace, because that’s who he is. but he also knows the full picture, and can make informed choices, and can see, firsthand, that neither all people nor all gods will try to dupe him, use him, experiment on him. some people, some gods, will see him as a person, and as a genuine ally. and that can soften a person.

idk, i find it all very fascinating. also he’s damn lucky it’s US, who are compassionate and kind and have helped the fatui time and time again, heh.

[fivveweeks]

i am so crasy abt ur tweet abt verdante being a tragedy its like in my mind at all times. like ,,, im rotating it in my head, im so ruined, this idea consumes me u do not understand i am opening up google docs and writing a fic im morose im captivated i am making an ao3 account

like ur so right 4 that one banger

KYAAAA ON MY KNEES... i have so much feelings on it u have no idea. twitter doesn't let me go ham but since we are on tumblr let me write a goddamn essay on this

the thing is that yes i enjoy both verdante being a romcom comedy or a tragedy or anything in between. ofc we'd like them to be happy but part of me like to explore what would happen if we really stayed canon-compliant

and like. let's take a look at them both. Vergilius is canonly someone who's weighed down by his past sins (killing and assassinating and orphaning children), who fully well accepts that he deserves the karma that comes for him (like this man literally is expecting it and doesn't fight it), yet he chooses to drag himself forward bc if he doesn't he will sink into despair. he is full of guilt and shame. verg also seems reluctant to form new bonds which is understandable considering that he lost everything prior to limbus, and how he doesn't want to drag people down with his karma, at the same time it would be extremely hard for him to trust people due to the risks of betrayal and manipulation in the city. he KNOWS that kindness and empathy will be consumed by the city if they don't adapt (see leviathan and his thoughts on garnet) therefore anyone would be wary bc there's always a catch. vergilius is also extremely duty bound to restoring garnet and lapis and it weighs down on him a lot

now i dont see Vergilius as oblivious bc the man would obviously recognise signs of attraction from Dante. but vergilius, despite his harsh exterior, is also kind deep down or at least practical, so taking the above into account, in this scenario he would probably outright address it to dante that he has... personal goals. maybe dante will be sacrificed at the end for limbus company as a whole, maybe not, but Verg makes it clear that he WILL choose lapis and garnet over dante bc that is his responsibility. what he owes to them.

executive manager, he doesn't say, do not be a fool.

and to his surprise, dante just nods and writes him, "I'm aware. It's ok, I understand."

bc dante respects him. they respect his space and not push anything at all (alongside how they probably feel that they are not worthy yet, or that they don't want to burden Vergilius, bc c'mon they're stumbling through their responsibilities after losing their memory, work is more important than personal interest now), i also like to think dante isn't say, self-depreciating, but more like they've accepted that they have so much to live up to and Vergilius has something to achieve and they will not stand in his way, so they're content to just spend time with Vergilius as manager and guide.

and there's that. they don't talk about it after the day. nothing changes between them. they continue on as manager and guide.

the only exception is that now Vergilius is aware that Dante fully accepts that he will sacrifice them for his own goals. yet Dante is content to spend time around him and vice versa (he doesn't admit it)

and isn't that the tragedy?

vergilius, to be aware that something could have sparked between the both of you, yet you cannot afford to cross the line due to circumstances. occasionally imagining what it could had been if the both of you were actually allowed to. how should you feel when the other person still seeks you out and befriends you despite knowing that you will never pick them

and dante, getting the confirmation that you will never be picked and will be the third or fourth or whatever choice but that's okay. manager and guide is enough, you WILL enjoy whatever there is between the both of you without asking for more

personally, unrequited love as a tragedy is not effective to me bc it's not that hard to respect another person's feelings and not make yourself the victim.

the REAL tragedy here is being aware of the lost potential and what-could-had-beens, yet IN SPITE OF THAT theres the quiet acceptance and humble enjoyment of whatever there is between the both of them bc that's all they can afford. how fate and the city fucked them both up. yet they stay professional because they respect each other too much (to the point of suppressing their personal feelings for the other) to make this into a hassle

maybe dante dies at the end of limbus and verg would reminisce on what it could had been. maybe verg dies and dante occasionally recalls the little moments they get to spend together. maybe they both die. maybe they both live but they walk a too different path to ever converge again. maybe we slap canon in the face and let them survive or meet up again in the future.

whatever it is, i just really enjoy the sweet sweet pining between the both of them throughout limbus company. the horrors of Knowing. i'm going to bite something

[paris-geller-was-straightwashed]

I've been trying to figure out what I want to say. not that anything I have to say is important; more as a way to think things through.

there's no way to exactly compartmentalize. but if I've realized anything, it's this. in my roughly ten year process of activism and coming to understand social inequity, nothing has radicalized me more then palestine.

nothing has made me more aware of the utter betrayals of our social system. nothing directly at this point, has made me truly see that our political systems can and will turn their backs on human lives when it suits them. it's embarrassing, but it took a scale as big as this to undo 27 years of propaganda that we (as in those in a western capitalist society) have created this system that allows for lives to be wiped out and for others to allow this to happen. how utterly dangerous and cruel. really, you only have to watch so many back to back clips of people being slaughtered right next to clips of rich men in suits chatting casually at the UN like they're not debating over who gets to live or die, to become enraged.

the devastation we were seeing even just a couple days after oct 7th was enough, but when the west did not report or cry over those little lives left all alone to rot in a decomposed hospital like how they wailed over every single israeli hostage - that said everything to me.

I'm sure we're all waiting for the day we can talk about this as a past event and for the palestinians living through it to still be alive to talk about it. for their freedom. but right now, this has changed everything for me. I'm not heavily involved in politics or would pretend like I have a finger on the pulse of anything, but I really do believe, that this has massively shifted things here in north america. note I'm canadian, not american, but regardless, ppl my age and younger have not only never seen such aggressive destruction play out worldwide like this, but more so, been so blatantly lied to and disregarded by their government. their worries quieted, their demands tossed aside; the whole world is calling for a ceasefire, and it's literally like no one in a suit behind a desk can see us. we're screaming and they can't even be asked to look at us. this already fragile line of trust between the public and their politicians, has essentially snapped completely. people like myself, have come into the reality the system & the people in it not only do not care for us, but that they don't need to either. I'm not sure how these politicians in power are going to get people to back them again, when it's becoming very clear to the masses that whatever we have to say doesn't matter to them anyway. it all feels very much like a tipping point, at least to me.

but I'm about to take a hard turn, back to palestine. there was a moment in all this madness that has stuck with me ever since, that I've thought to post about but couldn't verbalize. I think it was AJ who had a clip of it and I've searched their YT pages up and down for the video, but annoyingly cannot find it again - so I apologize that I don't know any names (but if you know what I'm referring to, then PLEASE let me know bc I truly want to know who this happened to). it was early in the war, I believe it was still october.

there was a video from someone who's become one of gaza's media reporters, a man I do not know the name of. from what I understand, he was born and raised there, and did local photography. but like many media personal in gaza, when the war hit, he started to document. he ended up posting a clip that haunts me; he was riding in an ambulance with others that was transporting people to a hospital. while they were riding, people fleeing from what I believe was a bombing stopped the vehicle. they were carrying a baby. the baby was bleeding and bruised and cut, from the recent attack. they pleaded with them, to take the child to the hospital and then placed the baby all alone into this man's arms. imagine that. you're a photographer with no training, caught in the middle of one of the world's bloodiest fights ever witnessed. you're unequipped and frightened. you're just trying to escape with your own life in tact. and then someone hands you a baby. they just place a baby in your arms.

out of nowhere, there's this little life in your hands. blood is cracked over their once soft skin and they're crying, blindly calling out for mom or for dad, who may never come back. their tiny heartbeat hammers under the torn pair of clothes, having narrowly escaped death. but only narrowly. and now, it's yours to bear. a human life, clutching on still, and it's up to you to wrap it in your arms and make sure it lives.

out of everything coming from gaza, I've been unable to shake this image. I just couldn't possibly imagine if that was me. as far as I understand it, this guy wasn't a formal journalist, just a media influencer who photographed and talked about his hometown, no training - and then he's thrown into a warzone. and more, another life is placed onto him.

he handled it, from the clip, very well; kept calm and composed and tried to calm the baby too. I wish I knew, if he was able to help that baby survive. I hope the little life did.

I hope they both did.