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flower-blooming-in-hell · 10 months

Text

i need to scream into the void for a minute here bc like. idk who i can tell this who will understand

just rambling abt mental health (ptsd + depression mainly) and transitioning

but just. !!!!!!!!! i just took my first dose of T!!!!!!!! i officially have my androgel at home! and i just applied it to my skin!! and im waiting for it to dry a lil bit more before i put anything on it (like the sweater im gonna wear to bed tonight)

and im like. i could honestly cry rn not in a bad way but in a "this has been coming for such a long time and im so excited for the future right now" kinda way

i think a reason ive always disliked myself is bc i hate being a girl honestly

my voice is too high and feminine, and my face has never looked like my own (though that could also have to do with the did but still)

im currently planning on ending up looking more androgynous atm, but honestly im on a low dose so i can see which changes i want and how far i want to go

tbh im thinkin i might just end up going all the way tho? not sure

or. all the way isnt the right words but yknow what i mean basically lol

its ? very interesting figuring myself out like this

like im not fully confident on who i am but i know what i want, and i dont want to be a girl. i never really have, and i knew that at a young age. and to a point i do identify with "girl/woman" but thats only bc i was raised one, so i have similar experiences to a lot of ppl who could be called girls/women

plus my mom is def bioessentialist (which i need to look up counterarguments for that tbh) and i love her to death but she just doesnt really understand ... a lot of things

plus yknow. trauma . ive never gotten to fully be myself - i have always been what other people want me to be. its... an experience and a learning curve, finally figuring out who and what i am.

tbh this feels similar to when i got published (technically. it was a competition thing and a prize was getting published alongside others) with the like ... sheer positive emotion and wanting to cry and shaking with the excitement of what ive achieved and get to have

its really weird, being this happy. i didnt think id ever get to feel this way, or that id be excited for the future or have plans for it like i do right now. ive always had the feeling of "theres more things i have to do, so im not finished here." but its never really come out as starkly as it is now.

im really, REALLY happy.

yknow, sometimes i look back on my abuser and think that we were made for each other, and that ill never achieve anything greater than having dated them

and i think this is the first time its actually fully setting in and really occuring to me that i can have a life without them. i dont need them. i never did, and i didn't truly gain anything from being so close to them for so long.

and while i will always be resentful for having to grow up so fast and that i spent so much time on them, and there are still a lot of times that i'm upset with myself for being so unfailingly kind and giving and resilient, times where i wish i broke and wasn't here anymore, i'm truly glad that i didn't and i'm still here.

and i'm happy that i'm not with them anymore.

and i'm glad that i got to have this. and that nobody i currently know will speak negatively about this to me.

sometimes it feels a lot like i move on from them in jagged bits and pieces of glass, like im tugging them out of my skin years after impact

this feels a lot less like that, and more like...

ever since they came into my life, ive felt like . corrupted, evil, gross, whore, etc compared to their bright white purity. like i could never measure up

i think this is the first time in years where ive actually felt pure, in any kind of way

excited for the future, happy, not focused on anyone but myself, confident.

ive always wanted a truly clean slate. and now i have that

i have a better idea of things i want now too, and ive been taking better care of myself as well, and i have so much more energy

i still wish they could see and that theyd be proud of me, instead of whatever the hell manipulative gaslighty bs theyd think up

but im not thinking about them that much either

this is something that i want, and the focus is rightfully on me

...its a slightly weird feeling, but i dont feel selfish for it, for once

#also on a trauma note:#they both really left me in the exact same way huh #they got tired of me and looked for an outside force to make me break up with them #bc they didnt want to do it themselves #cowards

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wizkiddx · 3 years

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I would for sure read a continuation of the birth photographer fic if you feel comfortable writing it/have time! Xx

a/n sorry I kinda combined these two together, I hope this is okay!! sorry ive taken so long too!! my requests are still open, just going a bit slowly :)

summary: literally just birth + harry

dad!tom x reader

warnings: childbirth, mentions of fainting, squint for suggestiveness too

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“Your doing so good darling, just keep breathin’ like that for me, in-out-in-out”

That had pretty much been the soundtrack to your last 3 hours. And yes it was MORE annoying than it sounds. Of course, that’s also ignoring the insane amount of pain your uterus was putting you through - as it spasmed while the little bug in there was wriggling away. Giving birth was not easy but giving birth with a husband-turned-midwife wittering away in your ear? Un-fucking-bearable.

“Tom…. I love you but..” Everything had really been starting to ramp up in the last half an hour, you were a panting sweaty mess now. “Please… SHUT THE FUCK UP” Tom would’ve recoiled completely away from the bed because of your tone, if it wasn’t for the absolute death grip you had his right hand in. Instead, Tom settled for straightening straight up and staring helplessly and dejectedly across the room at his brother - who of course was trying to hold back laughter, knowing it would be very easy for you to switch your target to him.

Clearly it wasn’t a social call to the hospital, Harry was here under the premise of taking photos when the baby arrives for Tom; but really to stop his brother from having his own breakdown - as commissioned by you. Lets just say, however scared and mortified Harry was of this ‘event’ he was taking a lot of enjoyment from how his brother was acting currently.

“It’s okay sir, if you were pushing a watermelon out of hole that normally was the size of a whiteboard marker, I’m sure you’d be a bit tetchy too.” That lady was your favourite midwife and in a lull between the sets of contractions, you actually managed a laugh. Wide-eyed, Tom just nodded jerkily, murmuring some sort of agreement. It was at this point a flash of light reverberated around the whole room, causing you to breathlessly laugh, Harry’s face informing you the picture he just got of Tom was priceless.

The laughter didn’t last long though, the next contraction had you bearing down on the bed, face contorted in pain as you sucked desperately on the gas and air tube.

“Okay Y/n I think we might be getting there, let me call the senior midwifes in okay?” The midwife had your legs hiked apart, a blanket attempting to cover your modesty - but at this point she was basically sticking her face in your noon. Modesty was out the window.

“Already?” Tom was shocked to say the least, from all his reading and research he’d learnt that the average labour time was more like 5 hours. Lets just say, Tom never exceled in school, never much enjoyed reading - which made the hours of highlighting baby books and pregnancy leaflets all the more extraordinary.

“Babies don’t stick to the script sir.” You could tell she was proud of the pun there, because you know, Tom’s a moviestar. “Professional improvisers, the lot of them.”

The cream walls of the hospital room very quickly filled with more and more people - Harry staying like a fly on the wall, now nervously biting his nails as he watched an obscene amount of medical people all take their turn oggling his sister-in-law’s bits. This was a weird ass situation.

Almost immediately it was at the point the midwifes were telling you to push, which after 9 months of holding a baby in (as well as your ill functioning bladder) sounded like an absolute dream. But it was also absolutely terrifying and exciting and horrifying all wrapped in one. Naturally then, after nodding hesitantly at the midwife between your legs, you’d craned your neck across to tom .You might’ve just told him off, for trying to encourage you, but now? You needed his encouragement.

What met you though, was his face completely drained of colour, mouth hanging slightly open as he hadn’t moved - still staring intently at the midwife. She followed your gaze, only taking half a second to survey the situation before knowingly smiling.

“Can we get a bit of help for dad please?” Immediately one of the more junior looking midwives was directing (pushing) Tom into the chair next to the floor. Suddenly actually concerned, you looked with wide eyes to the lady between your legs, who you felt bad for not remembering her name. With a comforting squeeze of your ankle she reassured you he’d be right as rain after a few moments of having his head between his knees. Also sensing you needed your support, she arched up, beckoning over to Harry who had an equally bemused look on his face.

“No - I-um I’m not.” His squeaking protests were interrupted by a large scream on your part, as another contraction tore through your body. Helplessly Harry glanced between Tom, who was still hunched over on a chair with a nurse squatted infront of him; and you, writhing around on the mechanical bed. He didn’t hesitate then, in jumping right to your side, allowing you to start crushing all the bones in his hand too.

And then it was all happening, a blur of activity and screams. It didnt take long for Tom to pull himself together and then you were flanked on both sides by Holland boys - both giving cheesy encouraging words (which you would’ve again told them to shut the fuck up for, if you’d been able to), Tom also stroking the top of your head. He found it pretty impossible, watching the woman that he loved go through such immense pain - especially when he was technically half the cause. Well… actually more that that, it had been him who had been… well shall we say *needy* those nine months ago.

“Okay Y/n the heads crowning, I know you’re tired but we need a few more big pushes, can you do that for me?”

Merely 5 minutes later and the most beautiful sound in the world echoed through the 4 creams walls. You were absolutely spent, eyes closed as you panted, knowing tears were flooding down your face too. Immediately though, familiar hands cupped both sides of your face, a forehead resting on yours.

“You did it Y/n/n.” His eyes were glassy, watering and red and the way he scoffed a smile in disbelief had you mirroring him exactly.

“We did it.” Your voice was hoarse and scratchy from all the yells of pain but it didnt matter. The midwife calling you by the name ‘mum and dad’ got both of your attention, a title you’d no doubt start getting used to.

“Meet your beautiful baby girl.” Another choked sob escaped your throat, as this little roughly wrapped up pink alien looking thing was placed onto your chest. Both you and Tom just gazed at her, completely transfixed at the way she wriggled her head slightly, nuzzling into your chest. Tom gently hovered his palm against her little head, while you pressed down the blanket gently, just so you could see all her features.

Then a flash echoed around the otherwise silent room, making you all look up to Harry who was gritting his teeth in apology. “Do mum and dad want to smile for the camera?” The question was posed so hesitantly and quietly, really it wasn’t funny either. That didn’t stop you and Tom both pulling out the biggest grins and chuckling away, allowing Harry to capture the perfect moment. Being referred to as mum and dad - it was bloody comical.

“You gonna tell me her name now?” You looked from Harry to Tom, nodding in approval for him to spill the beans.

“Amber. She’s Amber.”

You’d squabbled for months before ending on Amber. It had been a long relentless process, Tom claiming that your baby might just have ended up as ‘as yet untitled’ which you and your hormonal state had stormed out at. It hadn’t taken much to forgive it though, Tom had long since worked out that Ben and Jerrys was the way to your heart.

The nurses took Amber back to do some tests, properly cleaning both you and her up and after that everything was weirdly calm. Harry had left to give the twothree of you a moment alone and Tom was about to do his turn of skin to skin.

“This really is it isn’t it?” He murmured, whilst carefully scooping Amber from your arms.

“Mhmmm… your stuck with two girls who’ll go psycho on you without a moments notice.” He seemed to accept it though, just nodding in response.

“And I still can’t bloody wait.” His eyes penetrating deep into you, had you blushing like a nervous teenage girl. “ ‘m still so proud of you, you grew this little human.”

“Your not allowed to call her little because you didnt have the ‘little’ thing rip your insides apart.”

“Hey! I’m upset about it too! Was like I had to watch my favourite pub being burnt down.” Of course, trust Tom to make a dirty joke at a time like this.

“Don’t kid yourself, you weren’t watching, too busy fainting.”

“I didn’t actually faint!” This time he protested a bit too loudly, causing Amber to mewl a little and bury her head into the crook of her Dads arm. “I think Ambers just told you to shut it too.”

“You annoy the hell out of…” Your grumbling was interrupted by an impressive, ear-splitting yawn. “ You annoy the hell out of me.”

“But you love me?” He sing-songed, now back to a hushed tone.

“I hope so, otherwise we’re in a bit of trouble.” He scoffed, but nodded his head, taking the hand that wasn’t cradling Amber to tuck some sweaty, knotted strands of hair behind your ear.

“I do owe Harry though, he was at least able to stay on his feet.”

“He was a better birthing partner than you too, much much less condescending and annoying.” You sniggered, making Tom pout once again, only wiping the look off his face when you yawned again, rubbing an your eye like a toddler would.

“If your done insulting me… get some rest love, I got you.” All you did was nod, with a small groan (because below your waist still hurt like a bitch) rolled over so you could fall asleep to sight of the two of them.

“Got you both, my two beautiful girls.”

hope you enjoyed, would love to hear any thoughts <3

taglist: @hollandfanficlove @hallecarey1

#tom holland x reader #tom holland #tom holland fluff #Tom Holland blurb #dad!tom #tom holland imagine #harry holland

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chaneajoyyy · 4 years

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Who’s writing new BP fics? It’s feeling kinda dry out here

Oh you gotta keep looking cause they out here!!!

NEW/NEW-ISH BP FICS

- winter wonderland series (25 days of christmas challenge), Chunk series (updated)- @ghostfacekill-monger

- you better watch out series (25 days of christmas challenge), baby daddy series- @teakturn

- couple’s getaway series, message therapist erik, erik and you have relationship issues that need to be resolved, incubus erik x reader series, gamer erik humiliates his girl, christmas wishes & mistletoe kisses series, all vampire eriks stories, drug dealer erik gets ino an entaglement with a married woman series, erik teaching his daughter how to love her dark skin, assassin erik and his girl london make up for lost time- @nahimjustfeelingit-writes

- all i want series- @thadelightfulone

- the jabari that stole christmas, misfit wakandans, er*k in a box, t’challa’s 12 days of christmas, the jabari-cracker, christmas even will find erik, the coffee prince series (updated), song of stevens (not new but do read), will the bell ring? (updated)- @eerythingisshaka

- chrismasing with you- @ceeverse

- mama is wild, how he acts when he’s sick: m’baku “mama’s other baby’ jabari, peaches, how he acts whe he’s sick: erik “i can do it myself” stevens, how he acts when he’s sick: t’challa i’m fine” udaku, final decision, body pillow, the most dangerous game- @akimi-youngblood

- his majesty, my king series; he chosen bride, a jabari wedding (not so new but do read), he wasn’t mad enough for me, clean-up woman, i wish you would, mistletoe series, dadmonger series- @snowbaku

- what if...?, without question, polaroids, the temple series, queen shuri, wh you are series- @tchallasbabymama

- biggest puddle ever, crab legs, play fighting, the fight, let me tell you a story, stop, got it bad, what would you do series, sugar babe series, poetic justice, messing w/ erik while he’s playing the game, erik had a reputation of being a fuckboy. tha meant you had to be careful around him. guard your heart. it was a solid plan until he came in and ruined all your plans- @dreamingofmilk

- our christmas, how to feel, warm colors series (not so new but do read), thanksgiving w/ mr. stevens, valentine’s gumbo (sequel to thankgiving with mr. stevens)- @mermaidchansons

- she likes me, huh? nuh uh, cute enough to eat, screams in the night series (updated), open up, autumn leave & cookie thieves, one way or another, mr. telephone series, you ain’t hear that?- @supersizemeplz (check masterlist)

- anniversary blues, the chosen one series (updated), the sweetest thing series, in the light series- @devnicolee

- the arrival series, boxer!baku series (updated), fireflies and foot races, sessions- @muse-of-mbaku

- 85 “you can’t cum unless i say so” & 89 “you’re drooling. you really don’t deserve it though, do you?”, seventy-three, “29, 75 & 82″, “5, 13, & 69″- @marvelmaree

- subconscious- @freddiefcknmercury

- shameful series- @iwrite4poc

- only forever series, what lies beneath series,bunme takes new york (part of space between series)- @dramaqueeenamby

- letters for my love series, just for this moment series, she’s mine series, abiona au series- @sarcastic-sunshines

- redemption series (updated), starlight series, dress up- @airis-paris14

- new start series (with “reader meets erik who is a single father”), round 2 series, reader sleeping over a erik’s, “erik and reader are opposites- like she’s so nice, calm and soft, and erik is mean... as always and his family is so confused on how they’re dating”, imagine where erik and the reader has heir firs date and when he get home he’s super excited and tell his friends how happy and in love he is?, erik with goofy reader on a mission, reader catching erik using her expensice skincare products afer she told him it’s off limit, hug time, erik ghosting after a fight with his gf & she hears he’s out acting single so she decide she’s single too. but he shows up & all like “who said we broke up?”, reader is not answering her phone and erik is worried/irrirated because the day before he was mean to her and she left his house crying?, an imagine where erik finding out the reader is powerful (like a mutant), erik & mbaku fighting over the reader, found you series, erik helping his need tomboy bff get a makeover & he starts to get jealous of how much attention she starts to get from other guys, vulnerable soft erik where he and the reader get into an argument and later that night he’s trying to sleep but can’t because she’s refusing to come to bed with him and he has to be vulnerable with her and tells her “you know i can’t sleep without you”?, “short imagine or headcanon ha erik finds out his girlfriend has more body’s then him or his a mafia leader, something between those lines. but instead of being upset for her not telling him he’s actually cool with it”, erik comforting the reader after finding out she lost a loved one and he had a good day, reader learns she’s pregnant and comes up with a creative way to tell erik , erik and the reader are set up on a blind date by mutual friends, “reader is studying for her upcoming test and she is frustrated with the amount of studying she has to do. erik notices she has been studying for a long time, and tries to do everything to relax her mind”, erik takes reader to wakanda for the first time, erik sees his girl still sleep with a stuffed animal and by kinda makes fun of her but when she puts it up he sees she struggles withouth it?, “imagine with erik inspired by the somg caretaker by dram and sza, like maybe the reader is feeling a bit ill/nauseous and erik to take care of her”, diaper change, sofboi erik where he asks the reader to marry him, hc of erik being jealous of his girl is too close to t’challa? always texting/wanting to hang out when they visit, back to you series, readering driving erik nuts with cravings & mood swings. ex: interrupting his sleep for food runs only to say she doesn’t want that anymore when he returns & demand something else, “ whatever you’re trying to butter me up for, the answer is no”?, how did he meet his love?, life together, your first time, hurting, fears, sick day, jealous series, when you’re sick, night fights, two lines, opening up, newborn, comfort, some love, insecure, first steps, it’s time series, cool down time, first day back- @killmongerdrabbles

- back & forth- @supremethunda

- baby mama series, again, move, guess, night, nsfw alphabet, bow- @woahitslucyylu

- reactions o their girl’s wap (with erik), erik and reader being petty in the house after an argument- @tastingmellow

- next lifetime series, days off with erik, girls trip series (updated),the way you make me feel- @theficplug

- only then am i human series,a little vacation- @opalsandlace

-faded series, waves series, concrete cowboys series, black boys bloom thors first series (volume 3)- @uzumaki-rebellion

- black tie event- @laketaj24

- genuine, numb- @taterfics

- city boy and his country girl series, wake up, meet the furys- @blackmissfrizzle

- come thru, this lil’ game we play- @writetimes

- in between the lines series- @melodyofmbaku

- him, her and us series; conversations and coffee trips series, dancing around each oher series, mrs., you again series, where are we now?, cold coffee, here we are again series, summer love (could be any of the marvel men including t’challa); love, apps, and attitudes series; give me a reason (search for t’challa x reader)- @iliketowrite1996

- homewrecker series (updated), family reunion- @shaekingshitup

- unexpected things happen in the clucky’s drive-thru, where you going: a quarantine quickie, halloween, delicate series, the best man- @majesticbrownjawn

- i like tha series (updated), shea butter (baby) series @nachtaiwrites

- the spririt of christmas, dentist series (updated), waiting to get home, best friends series, line love series, hell loves satin: tales of a mascochist, tattoo party- @hearteyes-for-killmonger

- uncharted series (updated), metamorphasis series, the remodel series, the boy is mine series (collab with @dashhoney25), sweet heat, quarantine bae, throttle, sugar, toxic, fair is fair, work boo (updated)- @soufcakmistress

- caught up series- @twistedcharismaaa

- homebody series- @truglori

- roadtrip series- @cecereads209

- lights out, a better man- @reelwriter19

- you mean it? series, haunted series- @heykillmongerluhme

- end in flames series, my health- @bvlckgirlmvgix (not so new but do check out!)

***PLEASE HIT ME UP TO ADD YOUR STORIES!!!***

#the bp plug #bp librarian at your service #let’s chat #sip tea #talk fanfiction #black panther fanfiction #marvel fanfiction #new/new-ish bp fics #anonny asks

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shxxtingstarss · 3 years

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stuff abt me

I contacted the psychiatric hospital where I had multiple stays and asked for a copy of my patient record, they sent it to me just two days after I requested it and it's a whole fucking folder, it's about 200 pages long (stopped counting at 50 and estimated the rest). Of course I had to read through it the day I got it and damn, that was a lot. Funniest part was how early all of the recommendations were to get me away from my abusive mother, which I wanted to, but it's funny how hard I tried to keep contact bc she manipulated me into thinking I'm the problem, I failed and it was all my fault (and I was scared as shit of her). Well, now im NC since last christmas and in general, it feels a lot better. She tried to contact me more than once and still wants an explanation on why I (currently) don't want any contact to her... well, kinda sorry but I really don't have the time to explain atm and you really, should know that best yourself...

My mother traumatised me and my brother for years, she was incapable of controlling any strong emotions like rage, sadness, etc or any impulses. She never accepted any help or treatment (properly). She had/has an ED, she intentionally made us be afraid of her in general, but especially afraid of her punching us, verbally abusing us or afraid of her mutilating or killing herself if we weren't "good kids" (her picture of good kids seemed to be kids that don't talk, eat, cry, or maybe even breathe). My favourite example of this is from a few years ago, she went to look for mushrooms in the forest and began to clean and cut them in the evening at home, when my brother had some kind of disagreement with her about... about nothing (probably school, cleaning his room, sth like that). She got angry and mad very fast (as per usual) and screamed at him that if he doesn't stop upsetting her like that, she will show him how upset she actually is. Few seconds later it got suspiciously quiet (I heard everything through my bedroom door). My brother started crying and ran to his room half crying half screaming as if he was in great pain. That was not the usual way it ended, usually it ended with more screaming and crying and my mother throwing things around (or occasionally beating one of us). I got out of my bedroom and wanted to know what happened, went to my brothers room, my mother was in the bathroom. I saw blood on the floor of the hall. My brother was under his blanket and had our grandma on the telephone and obviously tried to tell her what happened, he seemed extremely scared. I wanted to ask him what's wrong but my mother entered the room furiously and snatched the phone out of his hand. She started to tell grandma that he just imagined stories and nothing he told was true. She left the room talking to grandma on the phone, so I tried to care for my crying brother. He told me, gasping for air bc he cried so hard, that our mother just took the kitchen knife which she cut the mushrooms with and rammed it into her stomach. I forgot what happened afterwards, I probably dissociated bc it was too much, I can only remember hearing my mother leave, then I found the knife on the kitchen floor, full of blood, and cleaned the floor from all the blood droplets. My mother went to the hospital that night and had to stay there for three days. She told the doctors that she tripped and fell on the knife in the woods, I visited her on the second day and she told me to absolutely not tell the truth and stared at me with her devilish eyes that she gets when she's angry. The doctors said she barely missed her liver. I was really tempted to tell them the truth, I hoped she would've been brought to a mental facility and we could finally find peace, but I couldn't do it, I was too scared of her. And so the horror kept going on (especially for my brother). This happened when I was 14 and my brother was 11 years old. I sometimes think I could've changed everything for the better if I would've told the doctors - I got to get out of there around half a year later, but my brother stayed with her for another 5 years and I'm terribly sorry for him. My mother never changed for the better, he got beaten even more often, she started to get even more personal and aggressive and talked him down more and more in fights, I once heard a voice message from her to him and it was horrible. Can't explain how angry I am about her treating my little brother this way.

My brother often said he never really felt loved by her and I used to defense her in all ways possible bc that's how she raised me basically, I had to lie for her, I had to do everything for her. But now that I can actually think about it, I actually never felt loved by her either. I don't know if she loves/loved us and never managed to show it or if she didn't love us at all.

Back to my patient record, the weird part was, I felt something like a strange sympathy, I felt sorry for my younger me, I asked myself why all of this had to happen, especially to an innocent child. But I didn't ask this in the way I normally did, I really felt sorry like for another person instead of feeling sorry for me or being in despair about it. Don't know if that's good or bad, it just is like that.

I know I'm not a different person than then, but at least some things changed and sometimes I really wonder how I managed to do all of this while being strongly suicidal, not very self-caring (more like the opposite if I think about all the selfharm) and not having any support by "family". Luckily I got a lot of support from social workers, my therapist, and sometimes even friends (wasn't easy for me to be close to people/more than one favourite person, actually it still isn't).

Well, it's not done yet and I still feel like pure shit some days/weeks, and I still (or maybe again) have to get better. The stress of being a chem student is not very mental-health-supportive, even for the healthiest peeps. At least I know now that it's actually not my fault, I'm not a piece of shit as my mother loved to tell me as often as she could, I did not destroy my "family", I was not the problem. It was not my fault. I actually tried my best, it just wasn't enough sometimes.

So, let's hope I keep this up and maybe I'll write another post some time soon. Maybe I can even help some desperate soul out there that is being manipulated into thinking that everything bad happened bc of them. No. And yes, I fucked up sometimes, I'm far away from perfect too, that's perfectly normal. But I'm not the "mentally ill person that destroyed her new marriage", maybe she should've had a look in the mirror instead of looking at me.

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themissinggenius · 4 years

Text

Part 2/2

Another conversation was coming, but it was avoided for the time being. Clarice showered in the guest bathroom; earlier, she had tried peering around the house—still mad but a bit embarrassed by the outburst. The door had been put back into place since she showered, and the water had been cleaned off of the floor. Hannibal was nowhere to be found. I really did it this time, she thought. Her body relaxed, and her face softened. She didn’t think it was appropriate to laugh, but the thought still surfaced, prompting a sad smile. I pushed around the violent centerpiece of the FBI’s Ten Most Wanted list. And he just cried. Shithouse mouse. The smirk dissipated as she ruminated further... She had hit him. Being a domestic abuser wasn’t just rude; it was boringly common.

She moved the thoughts about violence to the side and shifted her attention to the cause of the scuffle. I don’t know what he expected. Hannibal knows the depth of my old relationship with Jack, as much as he hated him. He told me to say goodbye to my father, so why not Jack?

Your daddy and Jackie Boy aren’t the same, she reminded herself. At this moment, she was both grateful and resentful that her internal voice of reason was that of her husband. At least it was helping her see his view. Okay, so the relationship isn’t necessarily comparable. But why would he think I wouldn’t come home? Did he really read my intentions so incorrectly?

Clarice laid awake in the guest bedroom for hours.

Hannibal Lecter relies on his intuition; it may just be his most famous attribute. On rare occasion, though, his cunning will fail him. On the day that Jack Crawford died, it most certainly did.

However, he doesn’t know that yet. Instead, he is reclined in repose at the seat of his harpsichord which he does not play. As he is off in one of the ill-visited quarters of the home, Clarice would be unable to hear the notes carrying from her position in the guest room; even so, he does not play. Hannibal gleaned a look of disgust and frustration from her earlier, and thus, he was certain his Starling would take flight by the morning for reasons known but difficult to accept. There is no reason for him to play.

Poised on the bench, he disappeared to his memory palace without struggle. The difficulty came when he walked down the halls, closing each door that had belonged to her. Hannibal contemplated as he walked: There is a certain symmetry to this—an appreciable one. Clarice’s hotheadedness had been a defining feature of hers, whereas he relied on coolness. He chastised himself for his own emotional outburst; it was unlike him to breakdown, and though he had allowed himself to become vulnerable to his wife, with her likely departure, he had to withdraw from all this fragility. He had to shut down. He had to be the ice to meet her violent fire.

Thus, he closed her doors, sealing the emotional ties within each.

Hannibal emerged at the sound of her voice. He had not heard her approaching in nor had he smelled her.

A few paces away from the harpsichord, Clarice stood. Hannibal had been contemplating whether to address her as Clarice (Perhaps too informal at this point...), Agent Starling (But even when she goes back, she won’t be an agent...), or Miss Starling (Ummmm, I don’t like this one very much...) when she interrupted.

“Hannibal,” she started.

“Ah.” He paused but spoke again before she could continue. “I see you’ve finally decided to join me. Had enough tossing and turning up there, or did you come down to use me as your personal punching bag again?”

“No, no. I just think-”

He cut her off again. “You know what I think, Ex-Special Agent Starling?” Oooh. That works, he thought. “Well, actually I wonder. I wonder if that was how Daddy took care o’ Mommy when she wouldn’t shut ‘er yap.” His imitation of her accent—which she had long abandoned—made her flinch. “If Ma didn’t have dinner on the table at five-o-clock, yes siree, she’d be in some kinda trouble. And boy, does Clarice still wanna be like her Daddy! No matter what,” he emphasized with a drawl, “she’s gonna stand by him. It sure do seem that way tuh me!” Hannibal smirked, and his face betrayed no warmth.

The room had felt colder to Clarice when she had walked in. She had expected him to be upset, but she hadn’t expected this. The woman paused and considered the implications: her musings were correct. He really did misread her, and now he was trying to drive her away. Well fuck that.

In their years of marriage, the couple had picked up on a few of each other’s traits. For one, Clarice was not going to allow a bit of intimidation break her. He came close to doing so in Baltimore, but he would not again. She steeled herself, adopting a bit of his icy demeanor.

“No, Hannibal. My father did not hit my mother. I think I would’ve told you by now, don’t you?”

He didn’t answer right away; rather, he just pursed his lips and smiled.

Then, he began: “As you know, I don’t try to predict you because it often proves fruitless.” He looked off before setting his gaze squarely on her. “However, considering these... outbursts of yours and the contempt plain on your face, I have bought you a ticket back to Arlington in time for dear Mr. Crawford’s funeral. For my safety, I will also be leaving, but not to Virginia. I know how much you must miss Jackie; please, give him my regards when you go. Maybe if you scream and pound on his grave hard enough, someone will hear and they’ll finally find you... Three years after you were reported as a missing person.” Lecter’s eyebrows shot up, and he shrugged. “Though I doubt you’ll be reinstated, as you haven’t kept your resume up to date. It will be no problem for you, though, Clarice.” He gave her a kind, patronizing look. “You’re a very smart girl. When you rediscover that the FBI has no use for your intelligence, try showing off your trophies from the firing range. Maybe even tell them about your skills in hand-to-hand combat... I could write you a glowing reference!”

Hannibal was perfectly still in his seat with his wife just beyond him. He waited patiently for her to break. He wanted no end to be left untied when she left. Your turn.

“I see you still try and lick tears after you’ve tired of tasting your own.” Clarice took a slow step toward him. She needed to crack his facade quickly. “Fortunately or unfortunately, I have no intention of moving back to the States. I find that I’m quite happy right here.”

Only she could have noticed the slight twitch of the doctor’s right eye upon this admission. And she did.

Starling inched closer. “Now, about this ‘contempt plain on my face’...” She mirrored his voice and flat expression; her imitation was even better than his had been. “Did ya happen to consider that it’s because you just tried to tear me apart—unsuccessfully, I might add? Let me tell you what I know, Doctor.” She hammed up the formality in her tone. “I know you’re not comfortable feeling worried about another person. I know that you felt vulnerable when I was gone, and I know you didn’t like that.”

She paused, remaining collected. She raised her voice a tad for this last bit. “Lastly, I know that you ASSUMED. And if there is one—just one!—good thing that goddamned Jack Crawford taught me over the years,” she laughed, “it’s that, when you assume, you make an ASS out of U and ME. Trust me, baby, you did just that. And despite what your intuition told you, I’m not going anywhere.”

She did it. The true stoic’s face had broken, and Hannibal the Cannibal sat, dumbfounded. He opened his mouth and then closed it. She continued.

“I’m sorry that you misread my motivations. I spent yesterday reflecting on how I had gotten to this point, and I had come home feeling glad. I was planning on going upstairs to find you, drawing a bath for the both of us, and then dancing later on in the evening. Your assumption got us a bit sidetracked, though.” Looking down at her watch, it was 2am. Holy crap. She focused back on him and noted that he was still unmoving but appeared less rigid than before. The room felt like it had finally warmed up.

Clarice took a last step towards her husband. Now above him, looking down, she said, “I am sincerely sorry for hitting you, Hannibal.”

Finally, he stirred. “Clarice, I have not once so much as laid a finger on you in anger...”

“I know. Ironic, right?”

“I don’t think so.”

His wife smirked at that, and he returned the favor. “No, I guess you wouldn’t. Anyway, I’m sorry. It won’t happen again. You know what else won’t happen again?” She held his chin and spoke softly. “You doubting us. I’m with you for the long haul. Where the hell did you even think I was going?”

“Ummmm. To be candid, I’m unsure of what I thought your plan was. I assumeddddd,” he looked up at her teasingly, “that you were leaving because of a change in heart.”

“My, Dr. Lecter, you didn’t have every one of my steps planned out before I could even think of them? What have I done to you?”

“I can now definitively say that you bring out the worst in me.”

Clarice laughed and sat down next to him. “Crying? And worrying?” She was feeling more relaxed, placing her hand on his leg as she started laughing harder. “Why am I not surprised that you consider that to be Hannibal Lecter at his worst?”

Her husband just smiled back at her. She saw his cheeks blush almost imperceptibly, which then prompted a further fit. It wasn’t long before they were both laughing.

“You had better... go back... into that memory palace of yours... and open up my doors ASAP,” Clarice ordered while catching her breath.

“And how did you—?”

“You were sitting on that bench for quite a while before I called out to ya. Try not to forget about me so soon, huh?”

“I wouldn’t even think of it.” Never again, he added silently. “But I must ask... Would I be incorrect in assuming you still want to dance?”

Clarice smiled widely. Hannibal shifted in his seat and began to play.

#fluff+angst=whatever the fuck this is #THE FLUFF IS UNREAL OMG #it went from 100 to 0 so quick #clannibal #Clarice #clarice starling #hannibal #hannibal lecter

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dazed--xx · 4 years

Text

Useless

Request: Can you do a one shot were you fight and he says something that really hurt you bc you were insecure about that and then you act kinda distant and idk can it fluff and angst pretty please 🥺 I love your blog 💜(tae)

Summary: “Maybe I wanted to have some time to myself for a change? Did you ever think about that? Maybe I didn’t want some clingy leach attached to my hip at every second of the fucking day... I finally wanted to be able to fucking breathe. Like damn I can see why your parents didn’t want you... you're fucking useless....” The foul insults like venom. Useless... He thinks you're useless...

Member: Taehyung x Idol!reader

Word Count: 2,276

Genre: Angst, light smut, light fluff

TRIGGER WARNING: MENTIONS OF ABUSE

A/N: Shout out to the reader who requested my first Tae one shot, hope you enjoy. I got some big things planned to come out so i hope yall follow make sure you check out my masterlist for other stories

(Not my gif)

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“Y/N!!” Tae shouts from the living room finally acknowledging my presence for the first time today. Waking me from a dead sleep, that falling feeling startling. “Y/N!!!” His voice booming. Sluggishly, WHAT TIME IS IT?? 1:54 am the alarm clock reads I scream into the pillow and make my wake to the living room. The bright light blinding, Tae on the couch with Jungkook. “Yes?” the annoyance in my tone evident. “We’re hungry can you make us something please?” THE FUCKING NERVE!!!! I roll my eyes “Did you speak to me for the last 16 hours?” confusion creeping onto his face at my passive aggressive attitude. Jungkook’s face contorts obviously uncomfortable. “I was just asking you to make us food, no need to be a bitch about it ill just order out” He snaps back “and by the way if you have something to fucking say then say it I don’t appreciate the off handed comments especially when you could have come to me as well and speak to me..” his eyes roll, Jungkook eyeing the door “WELL!.... this has been......fun. I'm gonna head out. Sorry Y/N didn’t mean to upset you” I smile at his friendliness. “Goodnight Jungkookie, I'll see you next time okay I'm sorry to make you feel uncomfortable.” I escort him out the door.

Tae’s eyes fuming as I turn around. “Look what you fucking did! You made him leave all because of you’re stupid fucking attitude!” He shouts, throwing his controller on the ground smashing it. “You couldn’t just say you didn’t fucking feel like it instead of pushing my friend out the fucking door” fear creeping up in my body. Me and Tae have fought before but he’s never raised his voice like this. He’s never been THIS angry before. “Tae, I’m sorry but I was sleeping and-” “DOES IT LOOK LIKE I GIVE A FUCK ABOUT WHAT YOU WERE DOING?” his terrifying voice booming. Tears sting my eyes all my anger from the day boiling over as the confession spews out of my mouth “NO YOU DON’T BECAUSE YOU NEVER FUCKING CARE ABOUT WHAT THE FUCK I DO TODAY WAS A CLEAR INDICATION OF THAT NO? YOU HAVE A FUCKING DAY OFF AND YOU LITERALLY SPEND IT IGNORING ME AND PLAYING YOUR STUPID ASS GAME. I ASK YOU TO TAKE A WALK WITH ME AND YOURE TOO TIRED. I ASK YOU TO TAKE A NAP WITH ME YOU WANT TO BE UP. SO, WHAT THE FUCK IS IT HUH? SO, WHEN I FINALLY, FINALLY FALL ASLEEP YOU WANT TO FUCKING WAKE ME UP TO ASK ME TO COOK FOR YOU AND JUNGKOOK?????????”

“Maybe I wanted to have some time to myself for a change? Did you ever think about that? Maybe I didn’t want some clingy leach attached to my hip at every second of the fucking day... I finally wanted to be able to fucking breathe. Like damn I can see why your parents didn’t want you... you're fucking useless....” The foul insults like venom. Useless... He thinks you're useless...

*10 YEARS AGO,*

“Y/N! YOU RUINED IT! IT WAS MY FAVORITE AND YOU BROKE IT!!” My older sister shouts, as her hand harshly cracks along my cheek. Tears stream down my face, “I'm sorry, I didn’t mean to...” I whimper. The mirror on the ground shattered like my heart, my sisters rough hand shoves me to my knees. Glass stabbing at my skin like a thousand knives, her hand in my hair. “CLEAN IT NOW!!!” Her shouting alerts my mother. “Y/S/N? What's going on?” My mother's soft voice asks as she comes into the room. “Tsk....Y/N what did you do now?” Annoyance in her tone, her eyes rolling. “She broke my mirror. She broke my favorite mirror....she's so useless mom why is she here she needs to go.” My sister whined.

“Let her go, Y/N pick this up and come to my room...” the tone dark. Fear taking a hold of my chest. Whilst cleaning the mirror my sisters torture did not end glass penetrated my hand every time, she shoved me over as I held each shard with care. Dread fills me as the mirror is completely clean. Slowly, I trek to my mother's room my 12-year-old frame trembling as I stand in front of my mother's door heart beating threatening to burst out of my chest.

“Y/N LETS GO NOW” my mother shouts from the other side of the door. The beating didn’t last too long the pain only temporary; the lecture lasted a lifetime the pain forever. “Why do you have to be so damn useless huh? It's like you enjoy ruining our lives, you never seem to do anything right and I'm so god damn tired of fucking covering for you. SO, you need to go, I don’t care where it is you go but it's not here. I want you out by tomorrow and don’t take none of that expensive shit that’s mine”. I was out within the hour, terrified of what may come if I lasted until tomorrow. Rushing out of the door at 3 am with all of my essential belongings in hand, with no destination in sight.

Months go by living all around Seoul at parks, bus stations, motels when I get really lucky. Singing in the street to come up with a few dollars to eat. Some days I didn’t make enough and I would slip items in my clothes, becoming quite the “artist”. One day, I’m singing in front of a small store front 2 gentlemen dressed lavishly listening intently phone recording as my verse comes to an end. Their eyes burning holes into me as a blush creeps up onto my face. The crowd disperses at the top of my hat a business card BIG HIT ENTERTAINMENT. Confusion strikes me turning the card over. A small hand written note and address on the back ‘TOMORROW 2 PM’. My heart races WHAT????

*TRAINEE DAYS*

“Y/N-AH STOP BEING SO DAMN USELESS AND PLEASE HIT THE BEAT ON THE RIGHT COUNT!” My groups dance lead, Hye-un shouts. Fury in her eyes, “Seriously we probably would have debuted by now if you could do something right like you can't sing, you can't dance...what can you do huh?? Stand there? Remember you’re only here because Namjoon oppa felt bad for you.” her words cut like knives. “Namjoon oppa thinks I'm good..” I mutter weakly, under my breathe as tears slide down my face. Every girl laughs, “No, honestly no one does like come on, you can't see it, He felt bad for you idiot. You were homeless and needed a place to go.” Jisoo snaps. Her words breaking my heart, grabbing my bag and dashing toward the door. They won't get to see me cry...not like that... not for them.

Running down the hallway, hunting for the farthest studio away from them to release my demons. THUD! “Oof DUDE WATCH WHERE YO-” The loud voice cut off “LOOK IM NOT IN THE FUCKING MOOD MOVE” I shout as I stand up to run past the stranger. “Damn... Okay... rude... are you okay though you look like you’re crying” He says as I wipe my eyes getting a clear view of the man that I've collided with. A blush instantly creeping on my face as the familiar face becomes recognizable and my head shoots down, Taehyung oppa. All the anger in me fades quickly as the god like man shifted. My voice is shaky, “IM SO SORRY, I wasn’t paying attention. I'm just having a rough morning. I should get going, I'm so sorry... I..Um...S-Sorry” He chuckles “Ha, you said that already...3 times in fact” a small giggle escapes my lips.

“So, I know you don’t know me or anything but I’m a great listener. Maybe you can tell me what's going on, it might help” He says sincerely. Hesitant, I look down “um....-” “Look, don’t worry if you don’t want to physically tell me give me your number you can text it to me then that way you and I don’t have to be face to face and it can help you to get more out that sound good?” I nod as he pulls out his phone and asks for mine. His number in my phone as Tae<3. A smile creeps up onto my face as he pulls me into a hug. My body melts into his like I've known him for years. “Okay so I'll talk to you later” A smile on his face as he walks off.

Blushing, as realization dawns on me as I pull my phone out to text him.

*PRESENT*

From there I told Tae everything, my fears, my past, insecurities. Useless....that's all I’ve ever been. My sobs no longer able to be held back as they barrel their way through my chest. “F-fin-ne then Tae you won't have to worry about me being in your way anymore” I whisper as I turn around and walk into the bedroom Tae and I share. Locking the door behind me I curl up in bed and let the tears take over me. Mama never loved you, the girls never wanted you to debut with them, they made you go solo because of how useless the group thought you were, You're so fucking useless to Tae. I ruin fucking everything I'm sorry Tae. The tears putting you to sleep eventually.

TAE’S POV

FUCK!! FUCK!! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK!! FUCK! YOU FUCKING IDIOT!!! WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU JUST DO???????!!!!!! WHAT THE FUCK?!!! The regret fills my mind as the bedroom door locks in my face. Her sobs filling the apartment, my heart cracking at the sound. Sitting outside of the door listening to the love of my life cry herself to sleep in our bedroom, alone, because of me. Baby I'm so sorry...you know I never would mean anything like that, but the words never come out.

Nothing can physically come out as my heart pounds in my throat terrified of what tomorrow could bring. Would she leave? NO! Tae don’t think like that Y/N loves you and she’ll know you could never mean that...right? Tears streaming down my face at the thought. You fucked up...you fucking hurt her in one of the worst fucking ways possible. There's no way she's going to forgive you. Trudging back to the couch as I let the tears consume me.

Y/N’S POV

The sun beaming in my eyes, burning, as I blink myself awake. Eyes sore, Tae’s words resting at the front of my mind. Making my way to the restroom, the second the door is open Tae is in front of me on his knees. “Baby, I’m an asshole okay but I love you and-and I'm sorry” He pleads as he wraps his arms around my waist head resting against my stomach. Disgust filling me, “Move, I have to use the restroom” Tae’s saddened figure retreats back to the living room defeated. Tears stream down my face as the hot water from the shower soaks me. My pain evident, Tae shuffling outside of the bathroom door every few minutes whispering to himself before disappearing back into the living room.

Placing one of my tank tops and sweat pants on, I make my way out of the bathroom. Tae rushing behind me as I walk back into the bed room. The saddened puppy looks still on his face. His regret in his eyes, his face is puffy and red proof he’s been crying over his words. The sight weakening my angry state as he reaches for my face and looks into my eyes caressing my cheek. His gaze drifting to my lips, slowly leaning forward he brushes his lips against mine looking for some form of consent. My eyes close as he presses forward and kisses me with so much emotion, his tongue delving in to my mouth and tasting me. A slight moan released from his lips as he presses me against the bedroom door slamming it shut. He lifts my right leg over his waist pulling me closer, as lips slide down to my neck. The way his tongue attacks my neck, drawing a puddle in my panties, his member grinding against me hard as a rock. The need for more grows inside me as Tae pulls his lips off of my body as he whispers in my ear his voice shaky and terrified “I-I’m so s-sorry, I love you and you’re not useless. I didn’t mean it. I could never mean it, you’re perfect I swear. And I'm such an ass for saying something like that there’s no excuse for what I said but please, okay, I'm BEGGING you don’t leave me.”

A tear slides down my face as he shakes, crying into my ear wrapping his arms around my waist. Tae’s sadness washing away any animosity toward him at his words. “Baby... you hurt me but I'd never leave you. You're all I have and I'm never giving you up” I hug him back. His smile against my neck. “I don’t deserve you.....I'm sorry” I nod and run my hands through his hair. “SO! Were you just being a tease or are you gonna finish what you started?” I ask seductively as I put Tae’s hand in my pants, a smirk creeps onto his face.

“Oh, Kitten, I have so many plans for us today”

#taehyung #bts #bts angst #taehyung angst #taehyung fluff #taehyung smut

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kuronanox · 4 years

Text

Different views - Kensei Muguruma

"Stop being so shy and tell him!" Matsumoto encourages (Your Name) as she sighs and grabs a fistful of her hair. "I HATE MEN!" She screams as Kira nods in agreement and Shuhei sit across from them awkwardly.

"GO GO GO OR ELSE ILL TELL MUGURUMA TAICHO MYSELF!" Kira's flush face offers as he slams his hands on the table causing the sake to spill. "Oi! The drinks is expensive you know!" Shuhei lectures catching the small shot glasses in mid air. "WHAT ABOUT YOU KIRA?!" Matsumoto shouts grabbing his shirt and tugging him towards her. "Everyone knows how you feel about Hinamori!"

"Ya ya ya! NOO I don't want my death bed by Hitsugaya Taicho." He crosses his arms as Shuhei attempts to help a very drunk Kira sit up after. (Your Name) just watches the scene and sulks in the corner this night was suppose to be fun but the only ones having fun is Kira and Matsumoto. She sighs and thinks about how her and Kensei relationship turned to friends with benefit rather than a couple as she hoped for.

It was about a year and a half ago, it was the New Years Festival (Your Name) drank to much alcohol on a empty stomach not realizing how fast it was going to hit her. She was lit though, dancing with everyone and making new friends. She was so drunk she attempt to kiss Yumichika and he allowed his cheek since he was probably gay anyways. That's what her problem was, she was so open and lusty when she was drunk.

"Kiss?" She asks Matsumoto as she gave a kiss to her and Hinamori even snatching one from Renji. Of course his face got so red he had to walk away. "(Your Name) you can't go around and keep asking people for kisses." Kensei lectures her and sighs as she pouts and crossed her arms. "You are just upset that I didn't ask one from you." She jokes and he lightly hits her head. "No stupid, I'm not trying to catch anything."

"MY MOUTH IS CLEAN!" She shouted and joined Ikkaku in another round of a drinking game. By the end of the night everyone was pretty sauced and making their ways back to their barracks. (Your Name) saw that everyone was slowly going home and she decided that she needed to head back home or else she was going to black out.

"God damn I can barely stand." She whines using the wall for support looking around for help because everything was blurry. Kensei sets Shuhei and Mashiro in their rooms and goes back to the party to help other members of his squad just in case they were to drunk to get back. As he expected he catches (Your Name) trying to walk back home. "Come on." He offers his hand as she looks up at her captain and takes it. "Captain, I don't think I can walk." She slurs as he clicks his teeth and picks her up so she was on his back. "I guess this is how Yachiru feels everytime she's on Zaraki Taichos back." She half jokes and silently falls asleep on his back.

"Oi don't fall asleep, I don't know where you live." He says and looks to see she is fast asleep, he sighs and takes her back to his place. After placing her on a extra futon he had Kensei makes his own a little further from her.

After a few hours of deep slumber (Your Name) wakes up and looks at her surroundings, it was unfamiliar to her. She turns to her side and sees Kensei fast asleep. "Huh? I guess I blacked out. Awe Captain is going to kill me when I'm in better shape." She shrinks still kinda drunk from a couple hours ago.

'The moon is still high.'

Laying down she scoots closer to Kensei attempting to warm herself from the cold winter night. After a few attempts she couldn't get comfortable and sits up. Going through his cabinets she saw there was extra blankets. "How can Captain sleep in this cold weather!" She says and grabs two. One for her and one for Kensei.

Placing the heavy comforter on him he awakens by shifting around him and he grabs her arms rather roughly. "Ow!" She shouts as his eyes widen. "(Your Name)?" Kensei questions as she rubs her armed that was grabbed from him in his sleep. "Sorry Captain it was cold so I got more blankets."

"Are you still drunk?" He asks because her face was still red and her words still a bit slurred. "Yes, but I am able to function again." She admits, hugging herself from the cold breeze that flew in. Noticing her gesture for warmth he looks to see he only gave her a thin sheet to sleep in.

"Are you cold?"

"No shit Captain!" She rolls her eyes as he knits his brows and clicks his teeth. "Sassy." Kensei says while opening up his spot next to him. (Your Name) stares at it hesitantly before climbing in the cover with him. At first it was awkward because he wrapped his body around hers to warm them up. She was still wide awake and turned to face him.

They stared at each other for a fat minute till she leaned in and placed her lips onto Kensei's rough ones. It was a small kiss till he pulled in and kissed her back in a more aggressive and needy way. Flipping (Your Name) onto her back and climbing on top of her he caressed her sides as her breath hitched from his touch. "Mhn." She moaned into his mouth as he separates their lips and gave her neck some attention. Grabbing a fistful of his hair she moaned in pure bliss as Kensei bit onto her neck as she squirmed by the rough gesture but he held her in place as he sucks the rough patch he bit. "K-ken-Kensei." She moaned out as he groaned in her ear.

"I'm sorry (Your Name)." He says then letting her go as she felt rejected from his warmth and kisses. "Why did you stop?"

"I don't take advantage of drunk women." He says as she shakes her head. "I'm not that drunk."

Kensei looks at her she was beautifully flushed and he couldn't tell if she was lying or just embarrassed. "Are you sure?"

"I'm sure."

(Your Name) cringed thinking about the first night they had sex, after that night they made it official that everything they did was just for their own benefit and they had no relationship status. The first year was fine, they act like nothing happen and it wasn't awkward or anything between them.

Slowly Kensei started opening up to her and even sleeping with her after those sessions they had instead of leaving like he usually did. On some occasion he would invite her over and they wouldn't have sex but just for some company. A few times they cooked together at his place and watched a few movies he really liked back when he was living in the human world.

It fell apart for (Your Name) when she realize that she was catching feelings for Kensei her captain and the worse part of it was that he didn't return them. He already made it known when they first started that this thing they were doing was for their own individual pleasure.

As time passed by they started learning what each individual liked in bed, luckily for her they both were into rough sex. But recently he was not as rough but more slow and passionate. It confused (Your Name).

"Ugh stop it!" She says walking back with Shuhei back to the barracks. She was on his back as he looked up and questioned what was wrong.

"Nothing! I'm fine!" She reassured as she looks up to see Kensei waiting outside infront of their barracks. "Taicho?" Shuhei says as Kensei sighs and shakes his head.

"(Your Name) how many times I told you to pace yourself when you drink?"

She looks down as Shuhei apologizes because he was also tipsy and not sober. Kensei walks them both home and drops off Shuhei first then (Your Name), she knew he was angry but tried not to show it. "Are you mad at me?" She asks him as he places her onto her bed. "It's fine (Your Name)." He says before leaving her. She sighs and falls down before sleeping.

The next week she didn't talk to Kensei much, he avoided her sometimes and didn't acknowledge her presence half the time. He only called her for training and paperwork but either then that they didn't speak. She was getting upset that he was acting the way he was to her. She wasn't dating him so why was he so upset?

"Can we talk?" She says to him as he went through papers on his office. "About?" Kensei asks raising a brow and crossing his arms now. "You are mad at me." She simply stated as he gave her a straight answer. "Yes I am."

"Well why are you mad at me?" She says staying the obvious slapping her hands into the air looking for answers.

"(Your Name) you realiz-" he started but was interrupted when a squad member barged into the room to say there is a emergency meeting for all captains and vice captains. He dismisses and tells (Your Name) to meet him at his place tonight.

"Ahh!" She moans as he roughly held onto her neck for support as he thrust into her. He came back stressed and upset but before she could ask what was wrong he slammed her against the wall and claimed her mouth with his. Now they were on the bed as he aggressively took out his anger into each thrust as she held on for dear life screaming his name. "Fuck." He says and flips her onto all fours.

"Ken-" (Your Name) says but he ignores her and places one arm around her neck to secure her from moving and pulls her hair with the other free hand he had so she was staring at him as he thrust into her. The sound of clapping turned him on each time their skin slapped as he groaned and she screamed. "Damn." He says as (Your Name) was left with her back arched all the way and her mouth was parted and she looked at him with lustful eyes. 'So fucking beautiful.' Kensei says in his thoughts and chokes her harder as she pleas under him.

"Ke-Kensei I can't." She says as a safe word and he realizes that he was choking her kinda hard as she holds her throat and coughs a little bit. "I'm sorry did I hurt you?" He worriedly asks as she faces him with tears in her eyes.

"You've never been this rough before, what's wrong?" She asks as he felt bad for making her tear up. "I don't know." He admits.

"I don't know if I can do this anymore?" (Your Name) tells him as he sits next to her and places a blanket around her naked body. "What's wrong? Am I being to rough?"

"It's not that, it just.... I've had feelings for you the last few months and I don't wanna keep sleeping with you knowing you don't return the feelings and me ending up with a cold bed every night." She shamelessly admits hugging her two legs towards her.

Kensei doesn't saw a word for a while and says "I was angry at you because you were drunk and Shuhei was tipsy."

(Your Name) looks up confused and tilts her head. "But I-"

"I know you tend to get really touchy with people when you are drunk and Shuhei was also not sober so the thought of you guys doing something made me angry because I also.... I also like you." Kensei admits as she widens her eyes and he looks away from her.

"Why didn't you tell me sooner?"

"Because I didn't know how, I thought you were in it for the sex only, but I started to open up to you and you genuinely were interested and was there for me. Even when I showed my hollow mask I thought you were going to run away from this monster I have in me but you didn't.... I realized then that this was the girl I wanted to be with."

She sighs and leans against Kensei, relief and a smile on her face. "You idiot."

Kensei hugs her bare body and smiles back. "Now that we know how we feel about each other you don't have to feel down anymore." He reassures and gives a small peck on the lips.

"I agree." (Your Name) says and straddles his hips. "So let's continue where we left off at."

"Oh?" Kensei smirks and holds her hips firmly, getting ready for a night filled with adventures.

#Bleach #bleachbravesouls #kensei #kensei muguruma #Shuhei Hisagi #kira izuru #Matsumoto Rangiku #anime #bleach oneshot #bleach oneshots #bleach x reader #bleach one shots

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chaoticminhos · 5 years

Text

the more the merrier

pairing: han jisung x reader x hwang hyunjin

genre: absolute filth i’m so sorry

warnings: uM. threesome, slight cumplay

requested?: yep! i combined 2 requests kinda, one for a jealous jisung w hyunjin and one for cumplay w hyunjin :) not proofread

~~~~~~

you and jisung were stood outside the collage, in casual conversation when hyunjin walked up to you, greeting you with a playful slap to your ass, wrapping around your waist with that same arm, completely ignoring jisungs presence.

“hey, baby. how are you feeling?”

turning to him with a pout, you responded quietly, “sore. and it’s all your fault.”

he laughed and pulled you closer to his side. you laughed along with him, turning your attention back to jisung, who now had his jaw clenched and dark eyes focused on hyunjins hand on your hip, which you chose to ignore.

han jisung and hwang hyunjin were kind of known around campus for their hatred towards each other. no one really knew why they disliked each other, they just did. having the same girl attached to both of their hips didn’t help that, either.

although you weren’t dating either, every boy on campus knew to stay away from you. you were unofficially hyunjin and jisungs, but each boy viewed you solely as just his.

despite only being friends with benefits, jisung was very possessive over you, especially when hyunjin was around. he knew you and hyunjin fucked occasionally, just like hyunjin knew you did the same with jisung.

the boys tried to get along when you were around, for your sake, but they still argued a lot. mainly about who you liked more, which was entertaining because you honestly liked them both genuinely in different ways.

“i gotta get to class, i’ll see you later though, yeah? take it easy, baby!” hyunjin send you a small wave before walking off.

you turned to jisung, who was staring hyunjin down as he walked away.

you didn’t think they’d ever get along.

~~~

you were seated on hyunjins lap with his hands tangled in your hair and his lips kissing along your neck.

you could feel him hardening under you, rolling your hips in circles to tease him. he let out a groan and tightened his grip in your hair as a warning. when you ignored it and rolled your hips down against his again, he removed his hands from your hair and to your hips, stilling your motions.

“you’re really gonna be a brat today, baby? aren’t you still sore from last night when you decided not to follow any rules?”

whining at his words, you tried to move your hips once again, only to be stopped by hyunjins long fingers digging into your skin.

“are you forgetting who’s in control?”

“no, sir.”

he hummed at your answer, smiling at the use of the title without him even having to remind you to use it. he attached his lips to yours again before beginning to guide your hips along his growing bulge. you let out a moan at the pleasure, and he continued to grind you down onto him.

in no time, he had you close to cumming in your pants. he talked you towards your high with soft words, and soon you were tipping over the edge.

while you were focused on the pleasure coursing through your body, jisung walked into your dorm, just in time to see you come undone in hyunjins hands. you didn’t notice jisung enter, but hyunjin did.

hyunjin locked eyes with jisung as you began to shake in his arms, moaning his name like a prayer and gripping his shoulders for support.

“that’s it baby, i make you feel so good, don’t i? way better than jisung ever could, right?”

you aimlessly babbled a yes, not even processing what he had asked, just responding.

hyunjins eyes were still locked to jisungs. the smirk growing on hyunjins face at your answer mixed with the anger he felt from seeing you melt into hyunjin touch sent jisung over the edge.

you only realized jisung was there when he replied to hyunjins smirk with a scoff.

“she’d answer yes to anything right now, hwang, don’t feel too special.”

jisung grabbed your wrist and pulled you from hyunjins lap into a standing position. you fell into jisung for support, your legs still shaking from your high seconds earlier.

“come on, y/n, we’re going to my apartment.”

he began to walk towards the door, but you stopped him, pulling against his grip.

“jisungie, i need to help hyunjin out, i can’t leave him with that.”

you motioned towards the bulge in hyunjins pants.

“sure you can,” jisung shrugged, “let’s go.”

you pulled against his grip again, your voice raising in tone, “sung, no!”

he turned around and something in his eyes was darker. he backed you up and pushed you onto the bed, pinning your hands above your head and leaning in close to speak to you.

“you’re such a slut, you know that? practically begging me to let you stay and fuck him. okay, ill let you have what you want, but you can’t forget about me either, baby. strip.”

he crawled off of you, motioning for hyunjin to take his place. you immediately got to work undressing yourself.

“go ahead, hwang, use the doll like she wants you to.”

working to undo his own pants, hyunjin replied, “i don’t need your permission to fuck her, han.”

once both of you were rid of your clothes, hyunjin ordered you to all fours and wasted no time burying himself fully in you. he pulled out almost completely before slamming back into, causing you to let out a scream.

before you knew it, jisung was sat in front of you rubbing his tip across your lips. you stared up at him with glossy eyes as he started to fuck your throat. you moaned around him with every harsh thrust hyunjin landed to your sweet spot, and it didn’t take long for jisung to cum down your throat, hands in your hair pressing your head towards him and forcing you to take it all.

hyunjins grip on your hips was so tight that you knew you’d have bruises, but you couldn’t find it in yourself to care, not when he was angling his thrusts to hit your sweet spot every time. you could feel that hyunjin was close, as his thrusts were becoming sloppier. he brought a hand down to rub circles on your clit, and you came for the second time that night as he stilled deep in you, filling you up with his cum. you collapsed onto the bed and hyunjin pulled out of you, scooping up his cum with his fingers and shoving it back into your hole.

you were given little time to recover before jisung was pulling your hips back up and fucking hyunjins cum back into you. the unholy sounds that came from how fast jisung fucked into you made you moan. you could feel the mix of your and hyunjins cum spilling out of you and onto your thighs.

the sight of his cum splashing onto your thighs as jisung fucked you right after him made hyunjin hard again. he grabbed a fistful of your hair and lifted you back to rest on your elbows, shoving his cock into your mouth and fucking your throat.

the feeling of hyunjin mercilessly fucking your throat and jisung slamming into you pushed you to another orgasm. you had tears running down your face from the overstimulation and you let out a scream of pleasure around hyunjin, causing him to thrust faster into your mouth, only stopping to pull out and cum across your face. the sight of you with your tongue stuck out with spit and cum dripping down your chin made hyunjin groan. he scooped the cum that hadn’t landed in your mouth up with his fingers, shoving them into your mouth.

jisung groaned as you clenched around him,

his own cum mixing with yours and hyunjins. he pulled out of you and released your hips from his grip. the second you no longer had jisung to keep you upright, you collapsed into the bed.

hyunjin brushed your hair out of your face and wiped your tears with a shirt from the ground, pulling you into his arms, your head resting on his chest. jisung grabbed a towel and cleaned the cum from your thighs gently. you whined at the contact of the warm towel to your core, to which jisung laughed.

“i have to clean you up, baby.”

after properly cleaning you up, jisung settled on the other end of you so the three of you were squished together on your small bed. jisung pulled the blanket over the three of you, smiling as you drifted to sleep, not even upset that you were nestled into hyunjins chest.

jisung thought that maybe after the session the three of you had just had, having hyunjin around wasn’t the worst thing ever.

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just-a-quirkless-loser · 4 years

Text

In A World of Grey🎶🎼

Chapter One

Grey:

Adj: A color intermediate between black and white

Adj: Pale, as through tiredness, age, or illness

‘Didn’t even notice, no punches there to roll with.’

Grey raced down the sidewalk, popping her hips to the music in her ears, grey hair swinging around her hips. She knew she should’ve left the house earlier but, the music was so distracting.

As always, Grey danced to the beat that no one else could hear. A few people sent her dirty looks but, she was too focused on the voice. Today was the day she was going to take the entrance exam for U.A., a prestigious high school for aspiring heroes. She’s dreamed of being a hero for so long and this is her chance to make this a reality. As long as she’s alive her dream of being “Musicality”, a pro hero of sound, will be achieved.

Her breath caught in her throat as she stared up at the entrance of U.A., a few happy tears pooing in her light grey eyes. Grey walked through the entrance, looking around in awe at all the students that came. Some had mutation quirks while others appeared to be normal teenagers.

‘You’ve got to keep me focused, You want it? Say so.’

‘It’s so inspirational,’ she fawns at the lyrics. While a lot of people would hate to have music constantly buzzing, it makes Grey feel happy, almost like she’s never alone. Plus, it’s good for her quirk!

“Get out of my fucking way, extra,” she was pushed to the side by a boy with blonde spiky hair. His fists were bunched at his side as he kept going, leaving the girl to wonder what his face looked like.

“Sorry for being in the way,” she smiles brightly, waving at his back. He seems to go rigid for a second before he continues on his path to the school’s front.

Time seems to blur for Grey because one moment she’s standing outside and the next she’s inside a large auditorium sitting at a desk with a pamphlet as she stared at the pro hero known as Present Mic. She wonders if she’d ever get to train with him, wondering if her quirk can be affected by pitches of voice.

‘It’s been a long time since you, fell in love.’

“...ALSO, THAT GIRL KEEPS HUMMING! IT’S DISTRACTING AND DISRESPECTFUL TO THIS HERO,” Grey came out of a small stupor to hundreds of eyes staring at her. She cocked her head to the side, a lip stuck out to form a pout.

“Sorry,” the shouting boy, she would come to know as Iida, tensed the same way the blonde did earlier. It was almost like he could feel how sorry she was and that made him feel like a monster for yelling at the sweet girl. Before he could apologize, Present Mic asked him to sit down so he could continue with the directions for the exam.

“OKAAYYY LISTENERS! DO YOU BEST,” she looks around as people start to leave the auditorium. She giggles when Present Mic seems to get louder; a fellow enthusiastic spirit was found that day.

“Little listener, what are you still sitting there for for?” Grey waited till everyone cleared out. She was reading over the exam information since she hadn’t heard any of Present Mic’s speech. “Were you the one doing the humming? Great tone by the way but wrong place, mini missy.”

“Sorry,” she’s been saying that word a lot lately; it’s becoming her favorite. “My quirk distracts me alot but, that’s okay! I can do this! Heroes always have to adapt so this must be another step for me,” she sprinted out as she was saying her impassioned blurb. “And GREAT SPEECH...well, I wouldn’t know but I bet it was good. BYYYYE.”

Present Mic watched the girl retreat, entranced by her words and adorable presence. “I’ll be watching out for that one.”

Grey manages to make her way to her designated, her peers already ready as they face in to the fake city scene the school prepared. She didn’t know if her quirk would work on the robots but, she sure as hell was going to try.

She could still feel the music flowing through her brain; the melody had repeated so many times she now had it memorized. This was her chance to prove herself. Now, she just had to find the robots.

“Helpppp,” well that was quick! She followed the wailing voice to find a short, brown-haired girl surrounded by three of the robots. It looked like the robots were closing in quick so, she had to act fast.

‘What if it doesn’t work on the robots?!?! I could get her killed and eaten...well not eaten but killed for sure. Uhhgh no no no, I can’t think this way. I’m going to help,’ Grey runs up behind one of the robots, preparing to use her quirk.

“And we can dance all day around it, if you frontin’, I’ll be bouncing,” Grey starts busting out her funky fresh moves while she sings, the lyrics pushed to the surface of the robots. The girl in trouble notices how as she dances and sings, the robots try to copy her moves, only for them to topple over as she continues to dance and sing, having too much fun to notice how it affects the other robots.

“If you want it, scream it. Shout it, babe. Before I leave you dryyy,” Grey bops to her sound, her round hips swaying in circles, her arms in the air as she gyrates to a rhythm unknown to them all. Consequently, the girl gnaws the attention of some robots (a couple which were almost destroyed by her peers before she caught their attention), the robots trying to copy her but short-circuiting from the high energy that radiated from her, leaving the teachers that were watching the exam baffled.

Grey continues her escapade of dancing, not even noticing as the same girl she saved earlier was being saved by a green-haired boy with cute freckles that almost destroyed his entire body.

The boy smashed the top of the robot, leaving it to topple forward, moments away from crushing both of the students.

“Day to night to morning, keep with me in the moment. I’d let you had I known it, why don’t you say so?” the robot freezes midfall, stuck in that position. Why? How? Well, it was all because of Grey shimmying her way up the robots back, eyes closed as she still was unaware of the sheer pressure she gave off. Her eyes were closed and her tongue was lolled out the side of her mouth as she smiled.

“Didn’t even notice, no punches there to roll with. You got to keep me focused, you want me? Say so,” by now? She was on its head, doing an 80’s American disco move as she stomped on its head to the beat of the song. She was stomping so hard, a hole caved in from her foot, the robot falling to its side.

Grey stumbled as the robot fell to the ground, not really knowing what had happened. All she knew was that everyone was staring at her and a robot was shaking its metaphorical ass behind her.

“Hehe, uhh, sorry?”

Meanwhile, the teachers didn’t know what to say. Grey literally danced all over the robot’s ass while still keeping an aura of goofiness. What in the fuck? Why in the fuck did they just witness?

“Mini Missy, definitely didn’t expect that.”

***

‘I know I fucked up, I’m just a loser.’

Grey was antsy for the arrival of the acceptance letter from U.A. It seemed like she already knew she would attend the school yet, she didn’t stop worrying over the facts.

Her eyes strained up to the ceiling, staring at nothing in particular, just listening to the music. She mumbled the lyrics out loud for the universe to hear. It was a song she created herself.

At first, Grey was hesitant to make her own music, scared that she could hurt someone. But, she figured she may as well if she even considered going to the school of her dreams. The song was upbeat yet, the lyrics echoed her somber thoughts.

Yes, she was lonely. Her father had jumped at the opportunity to ship her off to Japan once she told him that she wanted to attend the same high school that Present Mic taught at. She needed help controlling her quirk and he was the only option other than her father that she could think of to help her.

Her relationship with her father had been strained for a long time, both of them never acknowledging what had happened. He tried to be there for her but, the combined tasks of being a hero and dealing with his own emotional baggage proved to be too strenuous for the man.

For the most part, Grey was content with living by herself. She wasn’t happy (then again, she hadn’t really been happy for a long time) but, she wasn’t upset. Although, being alone took a toll on her she often forgot to eat when she got too wrapped up in the music. Sometimes, the music wasn’t pleasant, inducing nightmares that kept her in a coma-like state for hours. She’d scream at what the sounds suggested, trapped in her mind. Blood would pool in her mouth. So, yeah, it would be nice to have someone around to care for her when that happened.

‘Shouldn’t be with ya, guess I’m a quitter.’

This was one of those times. As much as she loved the music, she couldn’t deny the price it took from her. Immobilized by something she couldn’t see, forced to feel what the music chose for her to hear.

As for friends, Grey didn’t have any.

As for family, Grey didn’t have any.

As for emotional support, Grey didn’t have any.

All she had was herself and she had learned to be happy with that; she learned it’s easier to accept the facts rather than deny them.

Eventually, the music dulled from a lion’s roar to a kitten’s mewl but, Grey didn’t move. Her own blood was choking her yet, it felt like a normal suffocating feeling. It seemed into her clothes m, sticking to her skin and assaulting her senses with a copper smell.

‘Now I’m in the bathroom crying, think I’m slowly sinking.’

KNOCK KNOCK

Grey got up to answer her front door and came face to face with the mailman. She probably should’ve tried to clean the blood from her face though.

“M-Ma’am, are you okay? Where are you bleeding from? Do you need an ambulance?” the mailman reached out to touch her. It felt good to be touched.

“Ohhhh, this looks worse than what it is,” she giggled. “I’m actually great. My quirk kinda does this from time to time! I still gotta control it. Sorry for scaring you,” she scratches the back of her neck, sheepishly grinning.

The mailman tensed as many people do when they encounter her, not really knowing what to do as the girl dazzled him. He kinda just pushed the envelope into her hands and dashed to the elevator with a red face.

‘Maybe he’s constipated,’ she thought as she closed the door.

This was it; the moment she finds out if she’s going to get the help she needs to be the hero she’s dreamt of.

“MINIIII MISSSSY, IT’S ME, PRESENT MIC. IM JUST GONNA SAY, you’ve got some moves and that voice,” hologram Mic does a chef kiss and gives her a Cheshire grin. “MUAHHH, DELICIOSO. THERE’S NO QUESTION YOU’RE DEFINITELY ACCEPTED. Between the rescue and attack points, you’ve scored 98 points!!! Some of them weren’t counted, seeing as you stole some points from others but, STILL THATS A LOT. I LOOK FORWARD TO MEETING YOU. PEACE OUT, MINI MISSY,” she blinked.

“Huuhahwhuahh,” Grey kept staring at the hologram, still not believing what he said.

Seeing as Grey couldn’t even remember what happened during the exam, she didn’t think she did good. Apparently, music once again comes to her aid.

She decides to call her dad, hoping that he’ll answer for once. The first call, he doesn’t answer; he never answers the first time. The second call, he doesn’t answer; she expects that. But, the third call, he actually picks up.

“Hello, Grey. Is something wrong?” Her mouth dries. Hearing his voice makes her throat scrunch, her tear ducts getting ready for the flood. “Grey, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing. Nothing at all. I just wanted to tell you I got accepted to U.A.,” she fiddles with the carpet at her feet. “I got 98 points on the exam too although, I did kinda daze out so I don’t remember much.”

“That’s good but, you need to stop blanking out. You need to be more considerate of the safety of other,” what about her? “Hopefully, you can get control of it. Listen, I have to go. I have a mission so, I won’t be answering my phone for a while.”

“WAIT...how is she?”

“She’s fine,” he hangs up.

She stared at the floor, music coming back. The phone’s still in her hand as she drops her arms to her side. She just stands there.

‘While you’re out there drinking, I’m just here thinking, bout where we shoulda been. I’ve been lonely.’

***

‘Snogglefuck, music always has to make me late,’ Grey was running down the sidewalk to U.A., dodging the reporters that stood at the entrance. It’s bad enough she can’t stay in to dance so there’s no way she wants to deal with those paid vultures.

‘Don’t we look good together, there’s a reason why they watch us all night long.’

‘Well, there shouldn’t be any harm in a little bit of music,’ she thinks as she shuffled side to side. Oh, poor adorable dancing bean.

She kinda loses track of time, somewhat aware of the world around her but still, shaking her body. She’s bumbled into a few people that give her a few dirty looks (in their defense, she is dancing with no music or humming) but, that doesn’t deter her from walking into Class 1-B, mistaking it for 1-A.

“Missy, wrong class,” Vlad tries to tell her but, she really isn’t listening. “Aizawa’s gonna have his work cut out with this one,” he corrects his mistake by gently grabbing her and placing her at 1-A’s door. He goes to walk off but sees she’s once again dancing towards his class.

“Aizawa, she’s dancing and she keeps trying to follow me back to my class,” Vlad’s tone may be gruff but, he’s amused. He has to nudge her into her assigned class, all while observing that her dancing is increasing in energy. In all his career, he’s never wanted to dance as much as he did then. “Get your little idol.”

“I APOLOGIZE FOR MY CLASSMATE’S MISTAKE. WE HAVEN’T SEEN OUR SENSEI YET. PLEASE EXCUSE HER,” the same boy that reprimanded her at the entrance exams is bowing before the two of them. Vlad just grunts, sporting Aizawa’s sleeping bag underneath his desk but chose not to mention it.

“Just keep her on track,” he turns and ruffles her hair which pulls her out of her trance. “Don’t go dancing off alone before we have to call a search party.”

Grey blushes once she understands that music once again blurred her. But, you can’t really blame her. It’s so catchy!

“Gahhh sorry,” she bows to Vlad and Iida. “The music is awesome though. I’m sure you’d throw it back to the song if you could hear it. Then again, it’s in my head so it’s not like you can unless I made it but, still it’s good. You know I-I’m just gonna go find my seat,” she scurries off.

“What’s your name,” Iida asks. Vlad left him in charge of watching her for the time being and he intends to watch like a hawk.

“Keenum Grey, yeah I see the look on your face. I’m American,” she twirls, not really for Iida but to the beat again. She’s trying to fight the urge.

“YOU OVER THERE WITH YOUR FEET ON THE DESK, REMOVE THEM,” and Iida’s back to yelling. She notes that his yelling isn’t really to be rude so, she’s knows it isn’t bad. “And Keenum-san, I apologize for yelling at you. I didn’t stop to think the humming was for your quirk. It was amazing how you fought those robots and I have noted you to be a worthy rival.”

“Huah? Rival? I didn’t even do anything,” she pouts and stalks over to her desk, slamming her head into it which effectively drives away the music.

‘Why is a saggy banana on the floor?’ she thinks of getting up to kick it. ‘Noooo, don’t do it. What if it moves? I’m not prepared for that possibility. But, I’m curious...I’m gonna do it.’

“Cutie?!” a hand waves around her face to catch her attention. “Are you ignoring me? Aw c’mon, I haven’t even done anything...yet!”

Grey turns to looks at a boy with honey blonde yellow hair, a fringe in the front with a lightning bolt design. His yellow eyes dance with mischief and it makes the music loud once again.

“Oh! No, sorry! I daze out sometimes but hai,” she waves as she sticks her tongue out for her signature greeting (she knows it’s not proper but since she literally shakes her ass every ten minutes, she might as well do what she wants). “I’m Keenum Grey. I look forward to being friends.”

“Kaminari Denki. Oh my god, you really are cute. You have a music quirk, right? Wanna be my songbird?” she bursts out laughing, making a few people around the two laugh as well. “Woooah, you can control emotions too.”

“Kaminari, you’re hogging her,” a boy with three purple balls for hair pops up on her side. He’s playing with a piece of her hair.

“You must like Dutch braids?...Aren’t they just dutchtecular?” Grey says it with such a straight face that Kaminari tries so hard not too snort. “C’mon, you like em. You wanna dutch with the dutch! Kaminari, you know you wanna laugh at the pun. Succumb to the laughter,” she waggles her brows.

“That’s not the only thing I like,” Mineta’s Hans grazed Grey’s exposes thigh.

“Did-DID YOU JUST TOUCH MY aSsEtS?” Grey gasps. Kaminari sounding like a dying whale beside her. Mineta eases away when Iida comes up to her desk, eyes narrowing in on the boy who tried to touch the innocent girl.

“Are you okay?” He asks her to which she nods. “Good, YOU CAN’T TOUCH WOMEN LIKE THAT.”

“I could’ve handled him. I was gonna yeet him out the window,” a determined look crossed her face as she smashed a fist to her hand. Iida gives her an exasperated look. “Hey, it’s yeet or be yeeted in this world. And, he was empty.”

At this point, Kaminari and another boy with black hair and unique elbows were cracking up. Hell, most people in the class had found the girl entertaining. The class had been somewhat quiet (other than Iida’s yelling or Bakugou’s yelling) before she showed up.

‘When I walk in with you, I watch the whole room change. Shut the shit down on sight, that’s right. We out here dripping in finesse.’

Grey hit her head down on the desk to drive the music away.

“Hey, hey, don’t do that. It’s dangerous,” the black haired boy told her. “Also, I’m Hanta Sero. Nice to meet you.” Grey decided that she liked his smile.

“Keenum Grey! And, sorry, I kinda gotta do it or the whole class may be dancing if I don’t,” that got the attention of the two you were sitting beside.

“I ain’t dancing to shit,” the blonde with spiky hair said. Grey can finally see his face m (there’s no way she could forget hair like that). His carmine eyes make his face seem even harsher but, they don’t hold the same malice as his voice would suggest.

“That’s what she said,” Grey high-fives Kaminari. “But, who are you? I bumped into you at the entrance exam.”

“Bakugou Katsuki; not that it should matter to you, shitty girl. I’m going to be the best,” she nods her head.

“You must be really strong. I hope you’re able to be the best,” the people in the room go steel. She’s so heartfelt and wholesome that they all want to give her head pats. Hell, even Bakugou can tell she’s being sincere.

“Tch, whatever, shitty girl,” he turns to look out the window to hide his soft eyes.

“That was manly,” the redhead behind Bakugou says. His teeth are sharp and remind her of shark teeth, making her want to touch them to see if they’d hurt her. He had red eyes too but his are a bit happier than Bakugou’s.

‘Why is everyone so good looking? And fit? It’s like being surrounded by webtoons!’ Grey thinks to herself. She’s fits as well but she’s always had a thicker frame with wide hips, making her an hourglass shape.

“...WHY THE FUCK IS HE HERE,” and she oops. She hears Bakugou yelling at a greenette that walked through the door. This is when the banana starts to move, drawing a scream from Grey.

“IT’S MOVING!!! SOMEONE PEEL IT, PLEEEEASE. IT’S GONNA...ohh wait, it’s a sleeping bag. False alarm,” Aizawa facepalms. This girl reminds his mmm of Yamada.

“EVERYONE. IN YOUR SEATS,” he proceeds to tell them not to only focus on making friends and that’s he’s going to test them. Grey, however, it too busy chilling with finesse in her brain.

“Whoever comes last, gets expelled,” gasps ring around her and she nods. Now is the time to prove herself. She’ll show everyone she’s a force to look out for. Now, she just has to ignore the jamfest in her heart.

—————————————————————————-

I’m really excited for this new series😁

Chapter Soundtrack: Say So by Doja Cat, SupaLonely by Benee, Finesse by Bruno Mars ft. Cardi B

@sinclairsamess @sakurashortstack

#anime #bnha #fanfic #mha #mha fanfiction #ao3 #bnha fanfiction #sero hanta #sero x oc #bnha oc #bnha kaminari #kaminari x oc #present mic #dadzawa #dadzashi #cute #bnha eijiro kirishima #kirishima x oc #overpowered oc

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mymoodwriting · 5 years

Text

The Choice Is Yours

F!Reader x Vampire!Yuta

Genre: Vampire Dystopia

Warning: Blood, Fingering, Non-Con, Aggression, Fangs, Helplessness, Pinning, Suffocation

Words: 3.8K

Chapters:

Prompt: Good behavior goes a long way when a new world order is established within hours and humans wind up at the bottom of the food chain. As luck would have it you were claimed by a vampire named Yuta, so you’re saved in a sense. Many would say you’re in a rather unique situation, and despite its perks it wasn’t really something you asked for.

If you had the strength to scream in the morning you would.You opened your eyes hoping you were home, the last day or so nothing but a bad dream, but it was very real. You were alone in bed once more, relieved,but there was not much else you could do. You wanted to get up but that’s when you realized just how incredibly weak you were. You’ve never felt like that before.

You just laid there, staring at the ceiling, trying to gather your strength to move, but couldn’t. You were so focused you didn’t notice when others came in the room. It was a handful of servants along with Xiaojun. They helped you sit up, and the smell of food finally hit your nose. You hadn’t noticed but you were pretty hungry.

“Where’s… where’s Yuta?”

“Away for the day, business.”

“Oh…”

“Given your state, I’ve had soft foods prepared for breakfast.”

“Thanks…”

They placed a tray in front of you, putting some food down. You tried to move your arms but couldn’t, one of the servants spoon feeding you. It felt a bit embarrassing but there wasn’t much you could do. You thought Xiaojun might have stayed but he left after a while, leaving the servants to take care of you.

After breakfast, and eating every bite, they helped you up and into a bath. The water was warm and you actually felt shy. Last time Yuta was the one to bathe with you and clean you, but now it was others like you. That made you feel guilty, to have them taking care of you like that when you didn’t deserve it in any way. You weren’t paying them or anything, the only thing they got out of it was the chance to live a normal life, what was normal for humans now anyway.

They dressed you and got you back in bed. You were still tired so it was easy to fall back asleep and snuggle the sheets. Although when you woke up again you realized you couldn’t stay in bed all day. You wanted to do something, anything, but you didn’t have the strength to move. You tried to but not much happened, and you didn’t know for how long you were awake before servants returned to the room. Apparently it was lunch time.

“I’m not hungry.”

“Y/n.”

“I haven’t done anything to work up an appetite.”

“So you want me to tell Yuta you refused to eat?”

“No…”

“Then at least eat half.”

“Okay…”

You really weren’t hungry, all you did was sleep since breakfast, but Xiaojun made a good point. Yuta told you before he expected you to eat, so you ate as much as you could before you felt really full. The servants cleared away the food and were ready to help lay you down again but you refused.

“Can I go outside?”

“I’m afraid not. You’re in no condition to be anywhere but in the bedroom.”

“But-”

“No. Just rest.”

You were laid down, but you refused to sleep. You waited until you were sure everyone was gone and pushed back the blanket. You managed to sit up on the edge of the bed, a little worried about walking. Before, you needed at least two others to help you walk, now there was just you, so you were on your own.

You took a deep breath and pushed yourself off the bed, managing to stand. You waited until you stopped shaking, taking a small step forward. You stumbled a bit, feeling off balance but you stayed up. If you couldn’t go outside, you at least wanted to go out on the balcony, feel the sun on your skin.

You only managed a few steps before you collapsed to the floor. You tried to get back up but you just couldn’t. You also didn’t want to scream for help, not wanting to seem pathetic. Instead you just tried to crawl, but that didn’t go anywhere either. Exhaustion crept up on you, despite doing so little, and you wound up passing out on the floor.

♥♥♥♥♥

“These humans are as pathetic as we thought.”

Yuta came home complaining, YangYang on his heels. He had some papers in hand, a report of damages from one of the nearby farms.

“Taeyong is expecting a report tonight.” YangYang reminded. “Shall I have dinner brought to your office?”

“No. I’ll finish this before dinner. How’s y/n?”

“I’m told she’s been sleeping all day.”

“That’s good. Take these to my study, I’m going to go check on her.”

“Alright.”

Yuta went into his bedroom, his smile quickly faded when he noticed the bed was empty, and his eyes then find you laying on the floor. He was by your side in the blink of an eye, picking you up into his arms.

“Y/n! Hey, wake up!” You were shaking in his arms. “Xiaojun!”

The boy appeared in an instance, seeing you in Yuta’s arms. YangYang wasn’t called but he rushed over when he heard yelling. Other servants around the house heard as well, stopping their work, worried about what would happen next.

“How did she wind up there?” Xiaojun wondered. “She’s not-”

“Why was no one looking after her!”

“She was supposed to be in bed.”

“Well she wasn’t!”

“Yuta, you need to get her in bed.”

“What the hell were-”

“Yuta!” Xiaojun took you from his arms. “She’s cold and you’re not helping!”

Yuta glared but let Xiaojun tuck you into bed. He watched as you snuggled the covers, wanting to pet your head but Xiaojun grabbed his arms.

“Don’t.”

“Xiaojun!”

“In case you forgot, you have a low body temperature. She needs to warm up and you’re cold to the touch.”

Yuta pulled his hand away. “Why was she on the floor?”

“She must have gotten out of bed.”

“In her condition?”

“You know how she can be.”

Yuta sat down, trying to warm you up without physically touching you. His movements woke you up, and you looked over at him. He seemed worried but you weren’t sure why, that is until you realized you weren’t on the floor anymore. You felt embarrassed, but the fact that you were cold and trying to warm up took all your attention.

“Y/n. Why were you on the floor?”

“I… I wanted to go outside…”

“You’re not strong enough to go outside right now.” He gently touched your cheek but you flinched away from the cold. “You need to rest right now, or else you won’t get better. Now, where are the servants who were supposed to look after her.”

Yuta got up, talking to Xiaojun and YangYang. You started to get nervous, knowing he was upset by the tone of his voice. You were cold and weak but you managed the strength to roll over and grab his hand. He was cold, colder than usual for you, but you held back. He looked down at you surprised.

“Please… they didn’t do… anything wrong… this… is my fault… don’t… don’t hurt them…”

“Easy, lay back down.” He pushed you back and kissed your head, making you shiver. “I won’t hurt them, I promise. Now sleep, please.”

He sounded sincere, so you would trust he wouldn’t hurt anyone over your mistakes. With that peace of mind you let yourself get some proper sleep, curling up as best as you could to get warm. Yuta stuck around for a while, making sure you were asleep before stepping out. The house was quiet, the two boys with him awaiting orders.

“The servants who look after her.”

“Yes?”

“Gather them and tell them they are to check in with her every half hour when I am not around. I will be in my study, so one of you two check in on her.”

“Of course.”

♥♥♥♥♥

Yuta finished up his report, still annoyed over everything. He went back to the room, quiet as to not wake you, grabbing some extra blankets. He tried to pet you but you squirmed away from his touch unconsciously. He pouted, not liking this at all. He wasn’t going to let this slide so he got into bed under the covers and pulled you close.

You squirmed, trying to get away but he wasn’t letting go. You started shaking again but eventually you got used to him. You snuggled against him, a content smile on your face, happy in the moment despite everything. Yuta was happy as well, gently petting your head, watching you sleep, making sure you were better.

You slept for a while longer before slowly waking up. You noticed your head resting in Yuta’s lap, a blanket wrapped around you like a cape, keeping you warm. Yuta was reading a book, noticing you were waking up. He gave you a smile and gently pet your head. You giggled a bit, tired and warm, but still happy.

“I’m sorry I didn’t leave things for you to do. You probably didn’t want to stay in bed all day.”

He helped you get up, letting you sit between his legs, leaning back on his chest. You could see what he was reading, noticing it was one of his vampire written books. You tried reading some of it before Yuta lowered the book.

“Can you seriously read this or are you just faking?”

“No I can. It’s got bits of different languages mixed in it, so I can kinda understand some of it. I can’t read word for word, line for line, but I can make out enough…”

“Really? Then what’s this about?” He let you try and read some more. “Can you tell?”

“It’s… it’s about humans?”

“Yes. Jinwoo and his people study humans and been documenting things for years.”

“Jinwoo? Is he one of the seven?”

“Yes.”

“Oh… so why… why are you reading this?”

“If I’m going to be having you around I should make sure I know how to best help you. This book is specifically about human illness. We’ve helped your kind survive a lot of outbreaks you’ve had.”

“Really? That’s pretty…”

You drifted off, at first finding it sweet but then realizing why. It wasn’t that they care, they were just protecting their food source, like a farm protecting it’s cattle. They didn’t care, he didn’t care. You no longer liked any of the situation, wanting to get out of his arms. You tried to, but he wasn’t having it.

“Where are you going?”

“Nowhere… I just… I want to go back to sleep.”

“But I’m comfortable like this.”

“I’m not… so-”

“You are.”

“I’m not!”

You tried to move away from him but he shut the book, grabbing you. It wasn’t something simple, he placed a hand over your mouth and pinched your nose, depriving you of oxygen. It wasn’t long before you passed out. He leaned you back against him, pulling up the blankets making sure you were warm, lightly resting his chin on your head going back to his book. You slept peacefully in his embrace until dinner.

It was just you and him, being spoon fed some warm soup. He ate as well, more solid things, but made sure you finished up first. The only part of the meal you didn’t like was the end. He took the empty glass of juice and bit his palm. He poured some blood into the glass and held it up to your lips. You didn’t hesitate to move away.

“Come on, it’s good for you.”

“No…”

“It’ll help you feel better.” You shook your head. “Y/n, please.”

You swallowed nervously but drank it. He held your head a bit, making sure you had as much as possible, ruffling your hair when you swallowed. You didn’t like the taste on your tongue, let alone knowing what you just drank. You kinda wanted to throw up, but if you did you knew he’d get upset.

“It’s getting late.” Yuta got up and put the trays on the cart and left that outside the room. “You should get some sleep.”

You wanted to say something but held your tongue, just nodding and laying down in bed. You expected to be left alone, but Yuta got back under the covers, spooning you. He snuggled against you, softly nuzzling your neck which made you shiver.

“Easy, I’m not gonna bite you.” He kissed your cheek. “Sweet dreams.”

♥♥♥♥♥

You woke up alone again. You were glad, but at the same time somewhat upset. You had always lived alone, slept alone, but to go to sleep with someone, and wake up without them, it felt like being abandoned. You pushed those thoughts away when the servants came in. You felt better, like you could do more, but you were still spoon fed and helped with a bath.

“Yuta left some books for you.”

“Really? Some little fairy tales?”

“No. He chose these from his personal collection before he left in the morning.”

“Oh… I thought he’d be around more.”

“He does usually work from home, but with the resistance causing trouble, he is needed elsewhere.”

“Resistance?”

“Don’t concern yourself. Please stay in bed, you have some books to read, and if you need anything, someone will be by every half hour alright.”

“Okay…”

You waited until you were alone before grabbing a book. You noticed the name of the author wasn’t Jinwoo, but Onew, so the book was most likely not about humans. You did your best to read it, but it seemed the one you had was about basic vampire biology. A little more informative considering what you knew, but you read it anyway. Although at some point you fell asleep with it in hand.

For the first few days you stayed in bed, but on the fourth one you were allowed to go outside with supervision. You still had a book with you, reading out in the gazebo, falling asleep on the couch, waking up back inside. You had never slept that much before, and it kinda sucked having all that energy with nothing to do with it besides read. Once you were good enough to move around the house on your own you wound up in the library.

You had passed out in a chair, the book falling to the floor startling you awake. You rubbed the sleep from your eyes, grabbing the book and putting it back on the shelf. You had certainly learned somethings. Yuta was a vampire, so technically dead, hence the low body heat, he did also have a heartbeat, just super faint. His kind also had claws, and night vision, so if escaping was ever an idea, waiting till night wouldn’t give you an advantage.

You step out of the library, all on your own. You weren’t one hundred percent better, running would certainly make you pass out, but you could walk around for a while. You were thinking of going out to get some sun, but then you noticed a servant open a door, seeing some stairs leading down. You remembered hearing before that the servants living quarters was downstairs. You couldn’t help yourself and decided to follow them down.

It looked like those cells you had woken up in, a hall full of doors, although you noticed the rooms were big enough for four, two bunk beds each. You walked down the halls, no one really noticing you, or probably realizing who you were, after all you were dressed in white too. As you walked you heard a group of girls talking about the resistance, so you couldn’t help but listen in.

“Is that way the boss hasn’t been around?”

“Yeah. He works overseeing farms and stuff, and I’ve heard that some of those farms nearby were raided. They lost some of the harvest and some of the humans who were working their escaped.”

“You think the resistance is around here somewhere?”

“Maybe, there are these deep forests around and mountains, perfect place to hide.”

“What if they get caught?”

“There’s certainly more than one resistance group, maybe they’re all in contact.”

“Knowing that makes me feel like running away ain’t such a bad idea.”

You had been up against the wall, leaning towards the door. You were growing a bit uncomfortable and stumbled a bit, the girls noticing you outside their door. Unlike the others they quickly recognized who you were by your clothes, two of them actually were part of the group who took care of you. They got shy, some a bit scared.

“No, no hey, I’m… I wanna hear more about this resistance.”

“Aren’t you just gonna tell.” One spat. “You’re friends with the vampires.”

“I’m not, I’m just a blood bag for Yuta… you’ve seen how I’ve been the last few days. I’m barely able to be on my feet today. I’m not their friend, they certainly don’t see me like one…”

“What are you doing down here anyway.”

“I remember hearing the servants where downstairs. I thought I was going to be down here too not… in his bed…”

“Well the vampires are nice to you.”

“Cause no one but Yuta gets to be a dick, and they’re not vampires.”

“Huh?”

“Yuta’s a vampire, the others, they’re halfbreeds.”

“Halfbreeds?”

“Yeah, they were once human and got turned.”

“Wait really? They don’t just become vampires, only half? How do you know this.”

“Some of the old books in the library, vampire books, have information on vampires and halfbreeds and humans. It’s a little hard to read but he let’s me.”

“What else do you know?”

“Do you know how to kill them?”

“What hurts them?”

“Hold on, I haven’t gotten there yet, so I don’t know too much. I do know that vampires and halfbreeds have claws, and night vision.”

“I’ve heard… I’ve heard that they can control people…”

“No, they can’t. A vampire can only control halfbreeds, moreso the ones they made.”

“Is he gonna… bite us?”

“No. Vampires don’t really bite people. I know it’s weird, and halfbreeds don’t even need human blood, so you guys are good. They’ll just draw blood normally.”

“What about you? You get bitten.”

“Yeah…” You rubbed your neck. “It feels good but… gosh, I thought I was going to die. If he drank a little more I’m sure I’d be dead…”

“What do you mean-”

“Y/n?”

Hearing your name startled you and you looked back to see YangYang in the doorway. The other girls immediately lowered their heads, moving away. You didn’t get to say much else before YangYang grabbed your arm and took you back upstairs.

“You shouldn’t be down there.”

“Why not? Yuta said nothing in the house was off limits.”

“Yeah but that’s the servants dormitories, you have no business being there.”

“Shouldn’t I? I’m just another servant after all.”

“No you’re not.”

“Yes I am. I’m just Yuta’s personal servant. His feeder, I shouldn’t be treated so well compared to them.”

“Is that what you think?” Yuta suddenly turned you around to face him. “That your just another servant who should sleep in the basement?”

“Yes. I have no business-”

You didn’t get to finish your sentence before Yuta was dragging you along to the bedroom. You immediately felt scared, worried about being bitten again, you weren’t fully healed yet but probably good enough. When you got into the room he pinned you down on the bed, kissing you, his hands tugging up your shirt.

“Yuta… Yuta! Wait! What are you-”

“Shut up. You really think you’re just some other servant here?” He got your shirt off, working on your pants. “You think you shouldn’t be up here, being looked after?”

“Yuta! Stop!”

“I didn’t tell you to speak.”

He didn’t waste time slipping your panties off too, pushing your legs apart, and getting his hands on you, making you shiver. You covered your mouth, not wanting to make a noise but he slapped your hand away. You still tried to hold back your moans, but his fingers knew how to move to get you wet. He pushed up your bra, grabbing your breasts and making your nipples hard. You couldn’t hold back anymore, letting out a small moan.

“There we go.” He slid a finger into you, massaging your clit. “You’re not a servant, you’re my pet. To do with what I please, whether it be feed from you, or fuck you, or turn you into a halfbreed. I want my pet to be at her best, so don’t bitch about being pampered, and don’t think you should be down in the basement sleeping like the rest of the humans.”

Yuta was certainly frustrated, being a lot rougher than before. Hard deep kisses, using his fangs to make your lip bleed and get a little taste of you. His wet lips trailing down your neck and sucking on your breast, leaving your nipples soaked.

“Touch yourself.”

“Wa… what?”

“You heard me.”

You hesitantly reached down between your legs, Yuta taking your hand and pressing your fingers against your clit. You let out a ragged moan, far more sensitive than you thought.

“Prep yourself for me.”

He removed his fingers, taking off his shirt and getting his pants off. You didn’t listen though, understanding where this was going and not wanting any part of it. You tried moving back but Yuta grabbed your legs and pulled you closer to him.

“Wrong move.”

You felt his tip pressing against you entrance, making you want to squirm away but he did the opposite. He pushed into you, stretching your walls to accommodate his cock. You couldn’t help but moan out his name, grabbing his arms to steady yourself. He leaned down and kissed you, letting your wrap your arms around him as he started thrusting. He wasn’t soft or gentle, getting rougher and faster, an intense feeling you had never felt before.

“You are mine, in every sense of the word, and I will do what I want with you, understood.”

“Ye…yeah…”

You could only hold on top, barely able to make out his words, even if they were right against your ear. You swore you were seeing stars and probably not gonna walk tomorrow.

“Yuta… Yuta please… ah, I’m close…”

“Yeah? You think you deserve to cum?”

“No… no but… but please…”

“Fuck. Beg me.”

“Please… please Yuta… let me cum… I wanna cum…”

“Then you better scream my name.”

You did, crying out for him as you orgasmed, holding him close to you, wanting him to stay inside you. He kept ramming into you as you shook from pleasure, going until he climaxed and a while after that. You were exhausted to say the least, laying beneath him, breathless. He caressed your cheek, his fingers trailing over your neck, listening to your racing heart beat.

“Next time, it’ll be more enjoyable, for both of us.”

#yuta #nct #nct 127 #nakamoto yuta #yuta x reader #yuta imagine #nct imagines #xiaojun #yangyang #xiao de jun #liu yangyang #nct u #wayv #nct scenarios #nct angst #nct au

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fuckthisblog · 4 years

Video

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I need to spend more time on tumblr I forgot how calming this was.

I haven’t blogged since April it looks like so fuck...uuhhhh i used to make mini timelines on here and idek how to sum it all up but imma give it a shot for future me cause i always like to come back and read these - gonna go back in time a little to get the full covid picture but it ends with talking about the woods walk that lead to this video which brings me SO MUCH JOY

march 12th ~ last day i was at clinicals before it cancelled april 1st - online class stuff officially starts happening it probably happened before this but this is when i made a record of it. started anatomy review n shit for big ass exam april 5th - judging by my writing.. depression kicks in hard but also studying WAYYY too much every damn day april 14th ~ big deal first job interview april 17th ~ did the breakup thing, think that was the last time i wrote on here april 29th - found out big ass certification test on may 20th is scheduled for TBD ~ also found out i got the job but awsjhcfksdjhk now certifcation is postponed for got knows when may 1st - journal says “i got to see syd and i feel better”, dont think i realized how hard the breakup feels were hittin me cause i remember casually hanging out n then suddenly crying may 13th - slept through last day of my fucking class like a goddamn depressed dummy may 18 n 19 n 20 - miss kitty to the er, and then to her nuero appointment and they think brain tumor but cant afford MRI but prednisone instantly makes her better. all the scared feels of losing her and class being done and no certification exam in sight and just general awful nothingness floating through the void (still studying way too much everyday day) seems like i saw kirk like every other weekend idk how to feel about that im the worst w clean breakups may 21st ~ technically ive graduated but it feels like nothing. also idk if he did it this day or the next but kirk dropped off flowers and a card and a you did it! smiley face thing with a grad cap on that yells YOU DID IT whenever u touch it lol may 26th ~ study sesh w shawna n jordan i know i did other study seshs w them too but idk when, and then home and parents had signs made on the lawn to congratulate me graduating, and then sydney got dropped off and we headed to rhode island may 28th ~ very interesting/bad/idk wtf mushroom trip. adderall was still in my system and i dont think my body liked that mix and then i took xanax to try to calm down but theyre not pharm approved xanax so i just lost some time but syd took awesome care of me and we laughed about this weird juicy couture dress idk even though it was bad it was great cause i was with her. i do remember petting miss kitty and she had like overlapping colored outlines and looked very ethereal and it kept me calm while syd was outside. before the trip was great too i went to ocean state job lot and syd and i made a bonfire and ate donuts n delicious coffee milkshakes honestly it was all great slept entire day after bad trip but then wokeup and immediately started studying again lmao june 1st - called the people to try to get my test scheduled but that was a no go june 4th - letter arrives can actually schedule test - schedule for 16th STUDY STUDY DIE DIE DIE STUDY DIE STUDY DIE SHdkjceshkfchsdjc june 16th - FUCKIN PASSED MY TEST june 30th - mask fitting n stuff july 1st - good hangs w syd im lucky to have her july 5th - go to the fells for the first time in FUCKIN FOREVER cause syd and lucas were going n invited me and im so happy they did swimming felt so good omg july 7th - first day o work july 10th - officially scrubbed in again, feels good, but exhausting july 21st - all nighter where connor tells me he never loved me but in the context of an actually really good heart to heart session (which weve been having a bunch of latelyp) im upset but also not at all, work is exhausting but ive started taking my antidepressants again (literally that morning lol) and i go for a woods walk n swim after, and a deer follows me in the forest and its magical and life is good july 22nd - fuckin slept through work and thats never happened so been pushin myself a bit too hard july 25th - yesterday, worked saturday w j so we’re the only tchs there and did 2 lap apps and a hemiarthroplasty and it was good but also a little discouraging idk if this career is for me

and that about brings it up to today. talking to kirk less which is good for both of us. connor and i having lots of heart to hearts n genuine friendship chats. glad thats come full circle. lucky to have syd in my life. just generally idk that bears repeating haha i love her and writing this is realized how many times i wanted to write “and then syd made everything better” - she was the first person i called after i passed my test and she started screaming for me cause she knows me and knows my past and how hard ive worked and idk just a lotta love there. im lucky. word end of things idk wtf is going on but does anybody really? hahahaha. this career is not for me and i know it deep down but ill finish orientation before i do anything. but as of right now even though lifes good it kinda feels bad cause almost everyday im sweating and shaking and in so much fucking pain for a 10 hour shift and then i come home and collapse. antidepressants are helping though. i havent been on them for the entirety of my program/job so i thought that the job just came w this sort of exhaustion. but now im remembering theres after work tired and then theres depression tired.

#personal #video #deer #woodswalk

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missjackil · 5 years

Text

My 15x07 Opinion

Last Call

Personal discomfort aside, I thought the episode was overall pretty good. I can be objective and understand that just because I don't like something, doesn't make it bad. Sometimes, it's really just personal taste. Me being “anti Saileen” has nothing at all to do with Eileen herself. I like the character, I like the actress I even like hers and Sam’s friendship, and think it's adorable that Sam is learning sign language. What upsets me is adding the romantic-potential sex element to it. It isn’t needed, it changes a sweet pure relationship into meaningless sex at least, and potential separation of the brothers at worst, and a new way to break Sam’s heart all in the middle. Call me old fashioned but meaningless sex is never good for anyone. It’s never truly meaningless, someone WILL get hurt. Sam is also completely over wanting to leave Dean for a “normal life” even if all the monsters are gone. But that all being said, let’s have at it.

Dean really needs to clean his room! Well, he manages to find a case, goes to gather up Sam and finds him and Eileen making a big breakfast in the kitchen. Now I dont know what Supernatural hangovers are like but even when I have had a hungry hangover, I was not in the mood to make the food myself. If no one was making me bacon and eggs, I would eat potato chips LOL but Dean seemed like a lot of alarms went off in his head when he asks “Are you two hung over?” and as much as he was trying to be supportive of Sam “gettin some” I think he seemed uncomfortable and even a little sad about it. But he’s got to be the big brother and tell Sam to have fun 😀as he is screaming internally. 😱

Dean sets out on his own to Texas and meets up with some random creepy Sherrif that thinks Dean should go to Hollywood because he has “the look”. (???)

Dean rolls into Swayze’s bar where you can carry your gun but not your cellphone (rut roh) and meets up with an old hunting buddy, Lee. Now I know many of you were beside yourselves on a cringe-fest about this but seriously it was fine. I like the Yellow Fever throwback, and I always like when the boys talk about pre-series things and how John was. Dean and Lee were apparently friends as teenagers if John was pissed they had gotten trashed, and Dean said “I havent seen you since Sammy was in Stanford” so Im getting the impression they knew each other for several years.

Meanwhile back at the ranch.. errrr,, um... bunker. Sam and Eileen are researching and oh my... Eileen is just mentally exhausted and needs a break, as does Sam, but whatever will they do in this huge fortress equipped with about 20 random beds, a shower room, dungeon etc?? Well, Eileen can think of a few. but now here’s Sam, with about half a teaspoon of a smile, and then a face of “Oh my dear friend.... you dont know how terrible an idea that is” And upon my first watch, it looked to me like Sam was about to kiss her when he took her hand, but on the second watch, he looked like he was sad and about to let her down easy.

But here comes Cas, who I was never so happy to see in my life!! Great cock block Cas!! But not so fast! He needs to probe Sam a little (snicker) Okay but I have to say something... Im not complaining about seeing Sam skin, i wont ever do that but how much dramatic skin revealing is necessary for this little booboo? I tried it out myself as I sat here in a flannel and tshirt, like Sam and I only needed to pull my shirt over 2 inches to show the same spot he was showing LOL yes sometimes I do appreciate “a little something for the Sam girls” fan service ;)

Okay so Cas’s probing of Sam’s wound got him slammed against the wall and knocked out. Dean is going to just forbid Cas to be in the same room as Sam pretty soon right? Cas cant get a hold of Dean, why? Because they collected his cell phone at the bar that he is now on stage singing at!

I thought the singing was pretty great. I love how nervous Dean was and there is no reason on Earth why anyone thinks “canon was broken” because Dean sounded good, because 1) It was an easy song with no difficult voice range or harmony and 2) Every single one of you, yes all of you, can sing better when you’re actually trying, than when you're goofing around singing in the car. Y’all just sound like bitter wet blankets. Just chill and enjoy what we have left. 😜

Meanwhile, Cas can’t heal Sam so he calls on good ole Serge from last season. Serge not-so-subtly drops the existence of the key to Death’s Library on our laps. Im not speculating yet as to what that would be for, but I do know we don’t know what Sam’s “true forever” death is caused by, though I think he has to be killed by Dean.

Serge can help Sam, then Sam is dying, then Cas is threatening Serge’s niece (savage!) then he’s healing Sam but Sam is freaking out, seeing Chuck’s memories and then he’s back!

Dean, of course, finds out the hard way that his old buddy is a killer feeding a monster in his basement, typical Thursday. I thought the fight was kinda cool and the dialogue was pretty good. Glad to see Dean coming back to caring because somebody has to.

Now Dean’s home, Sam is okay... Cas and Eileen sorta fade into the background. Sam explains his link to Chuck or as much as he knows of it, and optimistically tells Dean he believes they can beat him.

So yeah, I liked this episode and will even moreso if next week we find out Sam let Eileen down easy and she went about her way. It lacked bromance so it will lose points for that. It is rewatchable yet won't make my top 50.

So on a scale of Bloodlines to Lebanon Ill give Last Call a 6.5.

See you next week for the Mid Season Finale!!

#15x07 spoilers #last call spoilers #my opinion

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atzfiles · 6 years

Text

the park

request: “May I request a scenario with Han or Felix where the reader is usually alone and by themselves so he tries to talk to her but she doesn’t want him to but he annoys her to do stuff after school but one day she yells at him to stop talking to her and she regrets it later bc she likes him”

warnings: a lil speck of angst but mostly fluff hehe

we all know han jisung is a huge ball of energy

you on the other hand

polar opposite

being friends with him was often a little tiring but you literally loved him anyways

hanging out in school was always fun!!

he kept you awake during your boring geography classes

the nations hero

but after school you really needed to be by yourself bc your social battery is d r a i n e d

jisung knowing, that you often just dwell all alone, had the bright idea of going to the overfilled park with you

you agreed first bc you know,,,hes kindA cute and some fresh air should be okay??

oh boy

oh b o y

you expected some chilling, maybe some talking here and there

but he brought a football, frisbee and badminton bats...

“lets go play something!!!!!!!!” he over excitedly yelled

you couldnt say no to his cute face

and he looked so excited :((

you, not really being a sportsperson embarrassed yourself more than just once

violently kicking the air instead of the ball

same

there were so many people so you felt kinda meh :// but its jisung so you kinda just smiled thru the pain

thinking this was a once in a lifetime kinda situation and youd never have to go there ever again

next day in school he kept pointing out all the silly things you did like kicking the air or throwing the frisbee into the closest tree

“ha ha ha yeah im such a silly girl haha super funnY!!!”

at lunch he told everyone at the table as well which didnt sit well with you at all

jisung please stop embarrassing your crush

you just stood up and left mumbling a quick “im not hungry”

he was obviously confused because you seemed to be in a good mood earlier

“excuse me for a sec”

and with that he went after you

he saw you sitting at the entrance of the school fumbling with your bracelet

but you didnt really want to see him bc ughhhhh!! you embarrassed yourself in front of your longtime crush and even tho jisung knows you better than anyone it still bothered you

“why did you leave us at lunch :((”

you just stared at your shoes

“hello silly noodle im talking to you!!!”

“earth to y/n?”

“listen jisung im just?? not in the mood right now,,,,leave me alone”

“we can go back to the park later and we can talk there? i dont want you to be upset”

“no i dont want to go to the park today in fact i dont want to go to any park with anyone ever again >:(”

y/n please calm your dramatic ass phew

“w-what?”

the bell rings and youve never left a spot that fast

jisung just stood there like a kicked puppy

your next class was bio how interesting

you didnt share that class with him so you tried to distract yourself with that

but you kept seeing his saddend face and remembered your harsh words towards him which made you feel 10 times worse

he just wanted to spend some time with his crush friend

maybe you just reacted that way bc you DO want to spend quality time with him outside of school

but you also have this huge crush on him which kind of gets in between you and your feelings

also you really cant be around people for longer than 8 hours

you decided to shoot him a quick text

meet me at the gate at 3

you almost immediatly received an answer from him

totally not bc he wanted to text you as well but he was too scared hed shoo you away so he just sat there staring at his phonescreen

okay ill be there

you needed to tell him about your feelings but thats weird and you!! dont even know what youre feeling!!

you were nervous as hell but little did you know he was sweating buckets too

he couldnt focus on his maths teacher at all, being called out multiple times for not paying attention

“jisung are you okay youre getting pale??” changbin asked, looking the younger up and down with a slightly concerned look on his face

“do you ever want to tell your crush youre kinda in love with them but theyre also your friend so you dont want to ruin what you have with them and they also kinda hate you but you dont know why an-”

“jisung dont forget to breathe buddy”

“mr han i wont tell you to shut up anymore. keep quiet or leave this class.”

hello mr teacher this is a serious matter let the boy breathe

after class he hesitated to leave but changbin encouraged him to just come clean to you

so he was a man on a mission

lets get this bread- han jisung, 2018

you already stood at the gate anxiously shifting from one foot to another

he saw you waiting and picked up his pace a little

he breathed out a little “hi” to which you just nodded your head

“lets walk over to my place” you said, planning on talking things out on your way home

“okay listen im sorry i snapped at you earlier,,,i dont know what happened with me, you did nothing wrong and im just out there screaming at you, which you obviously dont deserve...i was a little moody because you kept bringing up all the embarrassing things i did at the park and i guess i just care a little too much about how you think about me and uh yeah....im sorry”

“youre my favourite person in the whole world how could i think any less of you for cutely kicking a ball in the wrong direction???” he asked while looking at you with big eyes

“listen y/n i dont know what this is going to do to our friendship but im losing serious sleep over this and i just need to get it off my chest and i totally undertstand if you think differently but i like you i really do...as in..more as just a friend i guess??”

y/n is sister shook

HAN JISUNG LIKES ME JUST AS MUCH AS I LIKE HIM IS THIS HEAVEN I SURE THINK SO- y/n

“y-you like me?”

“uhhhh yes???”

“o h”

cue the intense blushing

“well i like you too..”

you know when jisung is all giddy and he kinda bounces around with that huge grin on his face

yea

this but 10 times brighter

you arrived at your house and jisung hesitated but gently hugged you

“im glad you talked to me and im glad we sorted all of this out” he said in a soft voice

“me too, and im really sorry i snapped at you..my feelings just got the better of me”

“its okay” he said with a cute smile

it grew silent and you could practicaly hear the screws in jisungs head turning, trying to figure out if he should kiss you or not

he eventually just went “fuck it” and leaned in

you just stood there like y/n.exe stopped working

he leaned back and giggled a little because of your flustered state

“ill see you tomorrow at school?”

“bet” you smiled

“oh by the way your way of face planting the ground trying to play soccer made my day”

dude you just got a gf dont mess this up already

“han jisung sleep with one eye open”

uH idek what this is but i hope you like it???? ://

requests are open :)

((i hate the title just as much as you do okay im not creative sigh))

#stray kids headcanons #han jisung #stray kids blurb #stray kids imagines #stray kids scenarios #stray kids #stray kids fluff #felix #hyunjin #jisung imagines #woojin #jeongin #bangchan #changbin #seungmin #request #lee minho #kpop #skz

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broken-clover · 5 years

Text

ACC Day 15- Stim Toys

I’m actually really happy with how this one came out! So it kinda ended up being long again. But it was a good time all the while!

Back into Blazblue with Carl Clover, plus a little of Kokonoe and Bang.

Content warning for self-harming stims and hand trauma.

One of Carl’s earliest memories as a child was him bashing his hands against a wall over and over again, screaming as loud as his little lungs allowed him to.

It wasn’t a perfect recollection. He must have been upset over something, but he didn’t know what it was anymore. He did know that he hadn’t been in any sort of real danger. It was one of his first meltdowns, and little him had decided for whatever reason that the stress in his body could only be channeled by beating his hands until they bruised- or at least until Ada intervened and pulled him away.

Carl knew it wasn’t a good thing to do, but he didn’t know how to properly vent his frustration. The screaming was a habit quickly quashed, enough disappointed looks from Relius more-or-less scared it right out of him. In the end, though, that may have only made it worse, leaving him to hit even harder when he couldn’t make noise to go with it.

The older he got, the more he started to understand the things that upset him. Itchy fabrics. Stiff shoes. Touches from unfamiliar people. Every time he encountered something uncomfortable, it made him want to smack against things. Ada and Ignis were quick to help him as soon as they found out, helping him find comfy clothing that didn’t make him overstimulated and being careful to let him unwind in a quiet place when he started getting upset.

No matter what they tried, though, Carl never seemed to be able to do away with the bad stims. When he tried to replace whacking his hands against things, he only ended up biting his nails, eventually doing it more and more until his fingers hurt and the corners bled. When Ignis bandaged his fingertips so he couldn’t bite them, he moved down and started chewing on his wrists. After that, Relius had attempted to step in, this time offering gloves like the ones he wore to avoid injuring any part of them.

Those had worked, to an extent. He couldn’t bite through the fabric, though it didn’t stop him from trying. More often than not, he was left with damp spots on his gloves from where he tried biting, which was sensory hell in its own form. Carl just had the instinct to bite things whenever he felt stress, whether it was his own hands, sleeves, pencils, pens, or anything he could think of. The longer the habit stuck around, the more embarrassed he felt by it. It made him feel childish.

It was bad enough that as soon as he enrolled in the military academy, he refused to wear the gloves as much as he could manage. He was sure that he could just force himself to stop. It was another plan made with too much confidence. When he forced himself not to do it in public, it just made him stim harder in private, gnawing on the end of his tie and the uniform’s sleeves. He could never come up with a good explanation on the frequent mendings he needed for his torn-up seams. Carl was too mortified to admit to anything.

Nobody questioned when he started wearing the gloves again. Maybe it suited his reputation as the precocious little genius. Whatever made it easier to get through the day.

Ada had always seemed insistent that she’d be able to find some way to help him, in some form or another. Carl wasn’t sure what exactly she’d had in mind, but he’d found himself with bigger problems to deal with. It seemed far more important to find where their father had gone off to in order to try and find a way to undo what he had done to Ada than to focus on anything else.

He supposed there were still some silver linings, even for as disastrous as his life had gotten. There were still safe places for him to go, and a few adults that he trusted enough to accept their help. Miss Litchi was kind and loving, reminding him so much of his mother with how she worried over him and made him feel cared for. Mr. Bang was rather bombastic and loud, but Carl had to admire his commitment to doing good for the people and making sure he had some sort of guidance.

Even if Bang could be a bit overbearing, Carl had no trouble saying that he felt rather welcome in Ronin-Gai. The people there were kind, and their leader was more than happy to offer a warm bed and food for however long he wanted to stay before heading out. At first, Carl had been a bit wary of the kindness, along with the friendly relationship that Bang had seemed so insistent on for reasons he didn’t understand. He’d presumed some deception or ill intent, but really, Bang seemed to notice a similarity between the two of them, even if he couldn’t name it.

Carl had noticed something like that. Which was strange, since they seemed like very different people, in his opinion. There was just something about the way they both interacted with people, how they presented themselves, how they could get so passionate about different things. He’d even caught Bang gently toying around with the scarf he always wore, petting the soft material in the same way Carl liked to with his favorite clothes as a little kid.

For whatever it was, the boy would admit it did feel a little better knowing that his odd mannerisms weren’t something exclusive to him. Though he’d never seen the older man biting down on his hands before in the same way he did. That was still a conundrum.

For once, Carl almost found himself longing for the quiet district that he had been staying in for the past few days. After he’d tracked Relius down once more and tried to subdue him, he’d not only failed, but Ada had been caught in a small explosion. She’d made it out relatively unharmed, with some scratches and dents but not looking worse for wear, but Carl wasn’t willing to take off again without making absolutely sure. They’d finally managed to contact Kokonoe, seeing as she was one of the few people who could do a half-decent job at repairing a Nox Nyctores if need be, and Carl had taken off with Ada out of Ronin-Gai as soon as the professor agreed.

Ronin-Gai, at least, felt rather warm and inviting, even if it was unfamiliar. He wasn’t sure what to focus on while he waited on a bench in Kokonoe’s office. She’d taken Ada and vanished into her lab for what felt like hours, with not a single sign of her since. His eyes flicked restlessly over the messy stacks of paper, half-built machinery, and empty takeout containers. For such a brilliant woman, her office was a mess. Carl was at least happy that the fluorescent lights didn’t have an annoying buzz to them like the ones at the academy did.

He’d tried not to bite on his hands, but there was a point when worrying about Ada and having no other way to vent it just got too much for him to handle. Maybe once this was over, he could play some chess or listen to music. That always helped clear his head.

The office door creaked open, making the boy jump. “P-Professor?”

“Relax, it’s just me.” Hardly glancing in his direction, Kokonoe crossed the room and went to her desk, grabbing a few papers and leafing through a folder. Carl had no idea how she knew where things were, but she seemed to have no trouble finding what she was looking for.

When she stood back up, her yellow eyes finally fell on him. “Hey, short stuff, c’mere a sec.”

“Huh?” Hesitantly, he hopped off the bench and approached the professor. “Is something wrong with my sister?”

“Nah, just got something for ya. Here, catch.”

He managed to catch the odd object that Kokonoe tossed at him. It appeared to be a little machine cog, made out of a slightly rubbery material and hanging on a string. “...A necklace?”

“Yeah, and a chewing stim. Made it out of the same stuff they use for cooking supplies. That scruffy idiot mentioned you tend to chew on stuff when you’re stressed.”

Carl felt himself going pink. If Bang was noticing it, than it must have been way too obvious. Had anyone else seen him doing it in public?

“No need to get all worked up, kid. Of all things to feel bad about, that’s definitely not the right one.” Kokonoe’s expression was hard to read. “People won’t even notice that if you wear it. If you get stressed out, just chew on that instead. It’s meant to be chewed on, so it doesn’t break easy.”

He stared at the item, giving it a little bend. “Have you done this before…?”

“Tao likes having something in her mouth most of the time, so I whipped a few up for her way back when.” That seemed to get the scientist to relax a little, slouching in her chair with a grin. “But hers are cat faces and fish. I thought the gear fit you better.”

“Oh.” After a moment of thought, his head snapped up. “Wait, so I’m not the only one who does this?”

Kokonoe balked. “Pfft, are you kidding me? Lots of people do it. Part of the reason I always have silvervine candy on hand.” At that, she pulled a lollipop out of her sleeve. “Not always chewing on stuff, either. I know Celica likes weaving to keep her hands busy, and Bang always has that damn scarf with him to mess around with.”

Carl couldn’t put into words how relieving that was to hear. For the longest time, it felt like there had to be something wrong with him. The thought of not being the only one made him feel much less weird, and a bit less alone than he’d thought.

“Oh, yeah, and Nirvana’s all patched up. No real damage, just buffed out the scratches. You’re free to head out whenever.”

He followed behind the woman eagerly, running his fingers along the curves of the cog while they walked to the lab. Ada was standing stoic, patched up and cleaned until she was almost shining.

“Sis!” He ran up to her and threw his arms around for a quick hug. “I’m so glad you’re okay!”

Ada tilted her head slightly, raising a hand to gently nudge the new accessory her brother was wearing.

“It’s cool, isn’t it?” Carl grinned. “Professor Kokonoe gave it to me so I won’t bite my hands. You want to go back now?”

The doll’s mask was static and unmoving, but he could tell she was smiling anyway.

If he was taking a couple of days to lay low, Carl decided that he could still get something done. He was busy at work, sprawled out on the floor and drafting blueprints for a new automaton model. For once, he had both hands free, one for sketching and the other to hold the paper down in place. He chewed pensively on Kokone’s necklace, feeling the tough material press back as he bit down. It was a satisfying sensation, and he liked it a lot better.

“What do you think, sis?” He hoisted up one of his papers. “Not sure if it’ll be too top-heavy.”

Ada sat nearby. She raised a hand and made a little gesture.

“Huh. Yeah, I guess you’re right. Maybe I can put more weight on the back end so it doesn’t tip over?”

While they spoke, the screen door to the room slid open. “Young hero? Is everything alright?”

“Hello, Mr. Bang.” Carl offered the man a polite nod as he entered. “Ada and I are fine. I’m just working on a new robot.”

“A robot, you say?” In a flash, Bang was on the floor, sitting across from him. “I’d love to hear more!”

He was taken a bit off-guard by the man’s sudden movements, but it seemed normal for Bang. “Are you sure? It’s a little complicated.” Truthfully, Carl loved robots, and all things mechanical, but he wasn’t sure if he was ready to go on a long diatribe if it was just going to bore everyone.

“Absolutely! You seem to like them quite a lot. No need to hesitate around me!”

His hands idled over the cog, before moving to grab a pencil. “Okay. Well, I guess I can start with explaining the parts of the chassis…”

The world wasn’t always a very nice place. That was something Carl knew well. But maybe it wasn’t all bad, either.

#autistic creative challenge #writing #Blazblue #Carl Clover #Kokonoe #Bang Shishigami #tw self harm

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