#and shes got medicine for it now and the change had been Significant and wonderful

[milf-harrington]

my cats having the best sleep of her life im so glad her medication is helping her so much

[panlight]

Hello. Bella was bitten by James, and then became immune to the poisons of other vampires. How does that even make any sense? James and the other vampires share the same venom, he and Callena are not different species. This version sounds like nonsense. What are your thoughts on this?

Oh it's certainly not canon at all! I've just always thought it strange that Bella is the one person who was bitten by a vampire and didn't turn (or wasn't killed). It seems so weird to me that SM set up this one-of-a-kind circumstance and just . . . didn't do anything with it. You'd have thought this James bite, the fact that Bella has been bitten before and survived would have some affect on the story but it really . . . just . . . doesn't. Like, at all. And it seems like such a waste to me!

So the idea here would be that it would work sort of like an inoculation. Bella's body was exposed to vampire venom, briefly. Her immune system now recognizes it. If she were bitten again, maybe her immune system could mount a defense. I understand this isn't real science or medicine but in my head it makes more sense than like, "vampires have 25 chromosome pairs and shapeshifters and hybrids have 24!"

Or even if SM had used the James bite to explain why Bella is "mysteriously good" at being a vampire. I know we're supposed to think it's destiny or whatever, but it always felt strange that a girl who loved the heat and sunshine, who got ill at the smell of blood, was 'born to be a vampire.' If the James bite changed her somehow, THAT could explain why she was so good at it.

Or, even though I still wouldn't have liked the whole Renesmee thing, what if that small amount of venom changed Bella just enough that it made the pregnancy possible? I would still dislike it, don't get me wrong, but IMHO it would be a better explanation for everyone's total shock and surprise than "we just literally never wondered about vampire/human reproduction before."

The James bite was such a cool, one-of-a-kind opportunity that could have really been played with more! As far as the characters know, it's never happened before that someone has sucked the venom out. So they really have no idea what that might mean, what could happen. I had thought it was going to be significant, but in the end it was just a way to show how much Edward loved Bella (he was able to drink her blood without killing her) and not about lore or world-building at all. Oh well.

[raygothops]

The end of an era, or so it feels. I'm not sure what's happened or what's happening, what changed, why I feel the way I do, but something is different in my head. I don't feel like things are clicking the way they normally do. Nothing has grossly changed, but some little things are different. I feel like football doesn't hit the same way internally as before, like it's more distant. It feels like medicine has taken some of that real estate. It's interesting because love is basically boundless for me, and I thought my anchoring energy worked similarly where I could develop new anchors while maintaining the same significance.

That's the thing though, significances feel like they changed. Now, people are super significant. I'm wondering if people have maybe replaced or displaced football. Maybe my anchors are zero-sum. Is that good or bad? Who knows. I almost flipped the switch playing today and then I just didn't. Maybe subconsciously knowing the situation, I saved it. I don't know. It was weird though. I had the emotions but I processed them and they went away more than they stayed. Maybe I have better emotional processing... Or less emotions, at least related to football.

Because I still haven't released my other emotions from earlier in February. Basically I'm somewhere over 100% of my emotional capacity with an artificially inflated emotional threshold because I still need to cry, just haven't done it yet. That need to cry has been more come and go than expected, but we'll see how this next week goes.

I would like to say weekend but I'm not sure what type of weekend it will be, though I know there's one type it won't be. It won't be a culmination of friendship, it'll be a bitter reminder of how to pay more attention to communication.

I had the greatest presence of anyone I've ever met, and all signs and indications say I blew it. I said too much and that was that. Did I deserve it? I don't know what I deserve. Is it on-brand for my life? Yes, though I think this is the first time I've blown it given my breakup was mutual.

I told her I didn't deserve her, and I guess I was right. I wanted to be a great friend, I just wanted to be a positive. I had a very simple job, and I didn't do it. I guess not doing my job today is a nice summary of not doing my job in this situation. I started well and finished horribly. And now I don't know. I don't know what the emotions are towards me in either situation, but I know I failed. The pain of failing Sam hasn't really hit yet, I don't know when it will, maybe once I know she's gone. The sadness hit me already, but that's all muddied by the feelings of failure.

I feel like I've failed so much recently, and it's crazy because my school progress makes it appear that everything is moving forward well but the truth is, I haven't been doing things well. It's similar to the feelings at the end of 2023, except I had gotten so many gaps addressed to start the year that it felt like I could ride high into my new phase of life. Instead, I'm just walking, walking with the weight of my failure. At least I've been able to hold my head up this week. But I stopped riding high 2 weeks ago. I got checked and I was humbled. I don't really know if I can even apologize properly for what happened, or if it even matters. I guess it's just another part of my heart permanently reserved for someone who may never update that reservation again. Unfortunately, this is the first time but it would be great if it was the last, because losing people on my heart is painful. It's not a quick pain, it's a slow burn that is really hard to put out because you give them so much time as a cushion. I guess one day, she could write back, but I wouldn't be surprised if she didn't. It's her right and I'm just a guy she met less than 7 weeks ago.

That was a lot and I could do more self-criticism but I think the point is clear. The thing that could be replacing/displacing football is about to change my life. 2 weeks of waiting isn't anxiety-inducing to me, but it does feel like a waste of 2 weeks. At least SOAP could be next week but I digress. The next time I'm taking care of kids, I'll be their actual doctor I guess. The idea of doctor, or any position for me, has never been daunting really. I know what I'm there to do and I'll do it to the best of my ability. I got to schedule for a non-Sabbath graduation both for Dad and for me. I just like clean Sabbaths tbh. Will not walking with people suck? A bit. Is it worth the awkwardness? Not really to me. I know my brain and Dad won't be there on a Saturday afternoon. People will show up though, I assume. I do have to be careful with assuming though, that can get you into trouble.

With Sam at least, it wasn't anything like assumptions really. It was just faith in her. Faith that she would just accept my heart offered raw. It was too much though.

Back to graduation. Idk how I'm inviting people but I just hope that special people can be there. Part of me wonders how big that list will get, cause my heart only grows with that list it seems. I just want to get on to the next part of life though. I've been here just kinda passing time and I want to change lives now.

Romantically, idk man. I can be liked hypothetically. Will some girl actually like me? Feels like a hard sell. Idk, I feel like with relationships, people tell more dreams than reality. Maybe there's someone but it feels more like kind words than something to really believe.

My eyes are tired so I'm stop, but who knows? There could be part 2

[randomingoftherandomness]

The Bone of Impurity

So with the upcoming Winner is King, my brain got whirling with the thought of The Bone of Impurity which is arguably one of the main plot points of the novel and I thought I would do a bit of a meta for it? It is definitely something I hope they do not dilute for the Live Action adaptation but even if they did touch upon 1% of the shit that goes on into making a Bone of Impurity, it's still pretty Dead Dove Don't Eat. So I thought I would preempt it by actually putting down a primer on the Bone of Impurity.

I did not read the novel in Chinese and read it in English, so some of the more subtle themes present in the original work will have been missed by me. If anyone who has read the Sha Po Lang novel as it was written by Priest, do let me know if I have made any mistakes on any of the below ( •̀ᄇ• ́)ﻭ✧

Fair warning, there's some pretty Nightmare Fuel inducing shit, so I'll be keeping things under a read more in case people get squicked by this lol I'm also basing my references around the translation that Northwest Flower did because that is the one I read.

Just a basic background on The Bone of Impurity:

It is essentially a curse unique to the Northern Man people who utilise it in moments where someone's country is broken and nothing remains but revenge. To attain that, they make a sacrifice to the 'evil' gods of their beliefs

It is a cruel and horrible affliction to put on the person, but the return for it is that the person who becomes a Bone of Impurity gains the strength, intelligence, foresight and abilities of two persons

Whoever becomes a Bone of Impurity is someone who is single-mindedly ruthless and bloodthirsty when pressed towards a goal; they will attain power and their near supernatural abilities will make them unstoppable in achieving their goals

They will also gain a sort of existence that is neither alive nor dead. Sort of a zombie-like living. They also don't live very long

For all this super abilities, the flip side for anyone living with the Bone of Impurity is that they will be constantly highly suspicious and paranoid of everyone and everything; they will be slowly driven mad by the visceral hallucinations that will leave them incapable of knowing what is real and what is fake (Volume 1, Chapter 26; Volume 3, Chapter 70)

A Bone of Impurity attack comes about when the afflicted experiences heightened emotions or moments of extreme stress (I seriously cannot list out all the times it popped up in the novel because we would be here quite long lol)

It manifests in dual pupils being observed in their blood-hued eyes, hypersensitivity of the senses, their body burning up, almost sleep paralysis levels of body-lockedness and they will experience extreme pain with the bouts of attacks lasting hours at a time (Volume 2, Chapter 50 & 51)

The method of 'refining' a Bone of Impurity is...

Basically taking two babies and putting them in a dark place with no air, no water, no food. One of the babies will survive while the other one dies (Volume 3, Chapter 70)

I'm not quite certain if they have to be blood related or not, but the examples given in the book all indicate that if they have a strong connection to each other, then it would be better and that the Bone of Impurity would better take

The dead baby is then... 'refined' with the arcane arts and medicines of the Northern Man Goddesses and fed to the surviving baby (re:baby cannibalism)

I told you it wasn't pretty...

In the novel, Chang Geng is the Bone of Impurity made by Hu Ge Er, his aunt, in order to bring about chaos and tumult to Great Liang that had subjugated her people. Chang Geng is repeatedly described to have almost scary levels of intelligence and foresight, to the point where some of the characters actually wonder if he is omnipotent.

Chang Geng is also revealed to have obtained characteristics of his cousin

One of the ways Shen Yi and Gu Yun identified Chang Geng as the missing Fourth Prince is the congenital defect of a toe - which, lol, the worlds where DNA testing did not exist - and Chang Geng insists that his toe deformity was caused Hu Ge Er (Chapter 8)

It is later revealed that this was one of the further side-effects of the Bone of Impurity where the afflicted would reflect characteristics of the 'devoured' counterpart (Extra: Souls returned home)

Now on to the meta bit:

Chang Geng has a pretty much single focus sexuality on Gu Yun; even when he wasn't clear on what the nature of those feelings were, he was already dedicated to the man, already thinking up ways of how he can support him in the future

Even when he was heartbroken by the reveal of who 'Shen Shiliu' was and the lies and the subterfuge that had flowed between them, just with an apology and assurance from Gu Yun, Chang Geng was already ready to forgive him

Now, we know that Hu Ge Er said with her dying breath that the Bone of Impurity will cause him to lose his mind and will cause the death of everyone he will ever love. I think she said this because she has already detected the level of dedication he has built for Gu Yun and also because she is a horrible person and wanted one last pot shot at tormenting Chang Geng

Through all his Bone of Impurity attacks, Chang Geng has one consistent thing that he fears the most above everything else - Gu Yun abandoning him, rejecting him, leaving him in any way

My thought is simple; what makes him different from the other Bone of Impurities that were explicitly said and described in the novel? One person. Gu Yun.

Had Gu Yun not saved him from the wolves outside of Yanhui Town, he would have definitely died right there and then being killed by the Northern Man wolves. I truly believed that at that time, Chang Geng really ran out there to die. With just the scant descriptions of what Hu Ge Er did to him throughout his childhood, even the brief glimpses into her horrible abuse, is enough to cement that he was very likely unable to handle everything anymore.

If Gu Yun had not shown up and took on the mantle of Chang Geng's Yi Fu - as clumsy and as emotionally stunted as he was to deal with a dependent - was kind to him without any sort of condition attached to it, if Gu Yun had not taken that spot in Chang Geng's heart and mind as a moral compass, guiding his path to tempering the more extreme effects of the Bone of Impurity, I have no doubt that Chang Geng would have destroyed Great Liang before he even turned 21.

Because of Gu Yun, Chang Geng plotted the way to peace for Great Liang; divesting of weak emperors and ushering in a new age of stability and peace, building a foundation for his nephew to take over and build upon. All because he knew that Gu Yun loved his country, loved the people, has broken his back time and time again to toil for peace and defend its borders.

In the novel, they even explicitly say that when Gu Yun is out doing routine inspections of the borders and stuff, Chang Geng essentially shuts down; starts living like a monk and a life without colour until Gu Yun comes back to him (I don't know which extra or chapter this is in because this post has been waaaayyyy too long at this point)

With Gu Yun, especially when he learns that his supposedly unrequited and unfilial feelings were not as unrequited as they seem, he found a path to a future where he can strive to live without pain and without worry. With Gu Yun, he could focus all of the ruthlessness and all the bloodlust and the brilliance and the horrors and make it into a fulfilment of Gu Yun's dream; to be able to walk away from the battlefield and live out the rest of his days in peace and leisure.

Think about it, especially if you have read the novel, how scary can Chang Geng get when Gu Yun isn't around to temper him?

Basically, yes, I am definitely saying that Chang Geng and Gu Yun doing the horizontal dance with no pants resulted in peace for the country lol

[Bit of Trivia] Chang Geng's name is also significant because, according to Hu Ge Er, it is the name of the 'Bone of Impurity' in the Chinese dialect (Chapter 6)

[kaijusplotch]

Hunter is Not Ready for Omega to go Through Puberty

Debating on if i should publish this to AO3 or not? Either way, have Hunter having small crisises of the heart when Omega reaches puberty. Everyone discovering something about Crosshair. And generally the Bad Batch having DAD feels.

Hunter was worried. Omega had been miserable with stomach pain since early that morning; practically living in the fresher. He looked through every medical pack they had but Tech had said they were portioned out for adult clones and their strength could hurt more than help.

So, Hunter got hot packs ready and dimmed the lights of the bunk room. It hurt him just as much to know that he couldn’t help her more than just to be there for her until they could get some more appropriate medicine.

“Hunter…?”

He looked up from where he was trying to look up how to treat stomach pain and his heart dropped. “Omega? what’s wrong?”

“I’m bleeding...down there.” Omega’s face was beet red and there were tears in her eyes as she stood awkwardly near the door of the fresher.

Hunter’s mind went to static. What did that mean? Was she hurt? Had she gotten hurt and he didn’t notice? His heart started to race and he got up and walked over to her.

Omega had gotten taller, her clothes from Kamino no longer fitting properly. Tech’s spare blacks were at least somewhat useful but still too big in some places even being the shortest of the Batch. She was growing fast, like all clones, but differently too. Her hips were wider for sure, but it could just be because of the mutations.

“Are you hurt? I...I don’t understand,” Hunter said, hands on her shoulders as he tried to hide his fear from his voice and face.

“Um…” She whimpered and looked away biting her lip. “I ah...I’m not hurt, my stomach hurts but I’m bleeding. Not a lot, but I don’t know either.”

“What’s going on?” Crosshair asked, walking in with Tech behind.

Omega blushed and looked away, fidgeting with the oversized top of her blacks. “m’bleeding….”

“She says she isn’t hurt, but the stomach pains are still there.” Hunter explained turning to Tech.

“She is nearing seven, she’d be going through one of her first large growth spurts. Perhaps a hormonal issue?” Tech asked, grabbing his datapad.

Hunter nodded, looking up as Crosshair patted his shoulder.

“I’ll take care of this,” Crosshair said with a slight twitch to the corner of his mouth; his version of a smile. “C’mon kid, let’s go to the fresher.”

“Ah! Found something, Sargeant,” Tech interrupted, dragging Hunter’s attention back.

“What is it? What can we do?”

“She’s going through puberty, as expected. Except...it’s different for females…” Tech looked a little pale as he read his datapad. “They have...ah...oh. Menstrual cycles begin during this time which can cause them to shed the lining of their internal reproductive organs.”

Hunter’s eyes went wide. “What? Is it dangerous?!” Hunter grabbed at the pad, although Tech snatched it back.

“No, at least it shouldn’t be. It happens monthly, along with mood changes, stomach cramps and some skin issues. Well at least that’s the same as it was for us,” Tech muttered. “She will need supplies but…I’m not sure how best to handle this, Hunter.”

Hunter rubbed his face and swallowed. “I’ll try to contact Rex. Ashoka was a teenager with him during the war, he’s got to have some kind of advice.” The door to the fresher opened and Hunter turned around, watching as Crosshair had Omega tucked up into his side. “Everything okay?”

“Yeah. I’m going to take her into town.” Crosshair tossed Omega a poncho and put on a jacket and hat for himself.

“Are you sure? We haven’t completely figured out what-”

“I’ll handle it, Tech,” Crosshair hissed with a significant look. “We’ll be back in a bit.”

Hunter furrowed his brows, but Omega was leaning into Crosshair with a smile. It would be good to let Crosshair have some time with Omega and vice-versa. “Be careful. Have your comms open.” he advised.

“Yes DAD,” Omega sighed, rolling her eyes with a smile as Crosshair chuckled softly.

The door closed behind them and Hunter groaned. “I think my heart stopped.” He leaned against the wall.

“Your fine. Just like every other time she’s called you a variation of ‘father’.” Tech pushed his goggles back up on his nose. “I’ll see about trying to find a secure line to Rex.”

“See if we have any contacts to Cut too. Maybe Suu can help explain things?” Hunter suggested looking at Tech, lost and worried. His mind was still racing on how to help look after his ad. No he was not ever admitting that to any of his brothers that he subconsciously called Omega his ad.

“I’ll get right on it. I’m sure she’ll be fine,” he reassured as he walked back toward the cockpit.

Hunter spent the entire time waiting for Crosshair and Omega to return trying to get in contact with Rex or Cody. He chewed his lip as he was met again with nothing on the comms.

Echo walked in and sighed. “I’ve been trying to hunt down Cut and Suu but I can’t get any trace on the shuttle they took. Sorry, Hunter.”

“No, no it’s not your fault.” Hunter frowned and leaned back in his chair. “I should have asked them more before we left.” He scrubbed uselessly at his face and snarled. “I’m supposed to look out for her and I don’t know how to help her!”

“Hey, none of that.” Echo’s voice was firm and Hunter was a little surprised. His newest brother was rather quiet but apparently when he had something to say he would say it. “You’re doing everything you can. We all are. Omega will be okay, plenty of girls go through the same thing. We’ll adapt.”

Hunter smiled a bit. “Just like Saw said. It’s what we do best. Still want to help her feel better.” He glanced at Echo who smiled in return.

“You sound a lot like an ori’vod.” He gave a small shrug, flexing his prosthetic wrist slightly. “Just need to find out what she needs. For now, we can be there for her. She’s family.”

“Yeah, apparently Crosshair had an idea so hopefully he is able to help.” Hunter stood from his chair and stretched slowly. “How’s the upgrades Tech made?”

“Great, actually. Nice to have two hands again. Means I can give Tech a run for his money at Sabacc night.”

“Good luck with that,” Hunter laughed.

“Hey, if I can win against Cross with one hand, I think I stand a chance with two.” Echo grinned. “Maybe we’ll teach Omega next time,” he said just as the ship door opened.

“Teach me what?”

Hunter smiled in relief as he saw Omega walk in, looking a little better and holding a bag on her shoulder. “How to play Sabacc. I don’t think Tech would go easy on you, so maybe I’ll let you watch my hand next time we play. How’re you feeling?”

“Better. Cross got me some stuff.” Omega smiled, not looking as pale as before.

“I didn’t forget you guys either,” Crosshair added as he tossed a bag of items at Echo. “C’mon, kid. Let’s put this away in the fresher for ya.”

Hunter watched as Crosshair led Omega back into the bunks and relaxed. “What’d he get?” He turned to Echo.

“Food, mostly,” Echo laughed. “And other supplies. Oh, caff, keep this away from Tech. New whet stone, always useful since Wrecker loses his.”

“I do not!” Wrecker said, coming up from below deck. “Omega back? Is she feeling better?”

“Seems to be, Cross took care of it, somehow.” Hunter shrugged.

“She’s going to lay down for a bit,” Crosshair added, closing the door to the bunks behind him. “The cramps are better but she’s worn out. Try to be quiet if you need to go in.”

“How did you know how to help her, Crosshair? Tech is going in circles about what kind of information is anecdotal and what is actually medically necessary.” Echo sighed in exasperation. “It’s giving me a headache second hand.”

“I went through the same thing when I was her age.”

Hunter stared at Crosshair as the information slowly processed in his brain. “What?!”

“Quiet! don’t wake her up,” Crosshair hissed back before deflating. “If we’re going to have this discussion, let’s do it away from where the poor kid is sleeping.” He rolled his eyes and skulked off toward the small kitchen and eating area.

Hunter walked in and sat down across from Crosshair, watching as he kicked his feet up on the table chewing on a toothpick. “So what did you mean you went through the same thing? I don’t remember anything like that.”

Crosshair sighed and waited for everyone to sit before replying. “You don’t remember it because it was in the middle of the night in our eighth year.”

“That could be...what happened though? I mean...you-”

“Look like any other male clone,” Crosshair interrupted Tech. “I know. But I’m not. I had bad cramps and woke up in the middle of the night. Bled all over my bunk and was scared shitless. I ran off to the freshers with everything and tried to wash it.” Crosshair frowned. “Skirata must have heard me and found me.”

“What happened?” Hunter tensed, ready to get a plan to hunt down the trainer from Kamino.

“He helped me.” Crosshair shrugged. “Helped me get cleaned up, took the bedding to get washed and got some supplies from another trainer for me.”

“I remember that night!” Wrecker said. “I woke up and was wondering where you were,” he added with a frown. “I was worried.”

Crosshair laughed softly. “I was fine. Ended up with Skirata helping me out with medical and the Long-necks removed the ‘unneeded’ mutation.” Crosshair gave a sarcastic air quote.

“So...you’re female?” Echo asked before blushing. “I don’t mean to insult you or anything,” he added quickly.

“Genetically yes, I think the medics said that I've got an extra X. so XXY? I don’t know. Doesn’t mean anything to me now.” Crosshair pulled his feet down. “Doesn’t affect my work so I don’t care.”

“What can we do to help her then?” Hunter asked, leaning against the table as he took everything in. Crosshair’s genetic identity didn’t mean anything would change. He was still Crosshair’s ori’vod nothing would change that.

“First thing’s first, don’t make it a big deal; for EITHER of us.” Crosshair stared down Wrecker and Tech the most. “Second, she’s going to have cramps and mood swings so don’t take it personal. Third, the choco in the ship is GOING to disappear, don’t fight her on it.”

“Doesn’t sound too different from a standard cadet’s first growth spurt,” Tech commented as he made notes. “We can start to get more supplies for her, new clothes so she feels comfortable.”

“Yeah, she doesn’t look too comfortable in yer blacks,” Wrecker snickered. “Maybe we should think about getting her armor too! She’s already been doing great with her electro-bow.”

Hunter sighed and leaned back, biting back a groan and the ache in his chest of Omega growing up too quickly. “She...she isn’t ready for armor.”

“She’s the right age to start, Hunter. We all started with training armor at seven,” Echo advised, leaning up against the door frame. “We could do the mandalorian thing, have her started with a pauldron, and chest piece.”

“I really don’t want to think about that. She’s too young to be putting on armor and...and fighting.” Hunter stared at the ceiling, brows furrowed as he tried to control himself. “I don’t want her fighting. She’s just a kid and...and she deserves something other than the same shit we grew up with.”

“Careful, Hunter,” Crosshair flicked his toothpick at him. “Your buir is showing.”

“Shut up!” Hunter snapped and glared, hackles raised; although he really didn’t know why. Maybe because he was afraid Crosshair would accuse him of going soft again. Although that wasn’t exactly Crosshair before.

“Honestly, We’re all showing our buir tendencies.” Echo said with a small smile. “I understand why you don’t want to have her go through the same things we did, Hunter; but she won’t. We’ll train her. We know what not to do from our own experiences. She’ll be fine.”

Hunter frowned and leaned forward again. “I’ll think about it. For now, let’s just try to make her comfortable. Growth spurts are never fun.”

[richincolor]

*As is usual with our discussions, there may be a few spoilers ahead, so beware.*

We all were incredibly excited to read Angeline Boulley's FIREKEEPER'S DAUGHTER when we first heard about it, so we decided to make it our second group discussion book for the year. Come join us!

As a biracial, unenrolled tribal member and the product of a scandal, eighteen-year-old Daunis Fontaine has never quite fit in, both in her hometown and on the nearby Ojibwe reservation. Daunis dreams of studying medicine, but when her family is struck by tragedy, she puts her future on hold to care for her fragile mother.

The only bright spot is meeting Jamie, the charming new recruit on her brother Levi’s hockey team. Yet even as Daunis falls for Jamie, certain details don’t add up and she senses the dashing hockey star is hiding something. Everything comes to light when Daunis witnesses a shocking murder, thrusting her into the heart of a criminal investigation.

Reluctantly, Daunis agrees to go undercover, but secretly pursues her own investigation, tracking down the criminals with her knowledge of chemistry and traditional medicine. But the deceptions—and deaths—keep piling up and soon the threat strikes too close to home.

Now, Daunis must learn what it means to be a strong Anishinaabe kwe (Ojibwe woman) and how far she'll go to protect her community, even if it tears apart the only world she’s ever known.

[Note: While we will not go into any great detail in this discussion, Firekeeper’s Daughter contains murder, suicide, kidnapping, sexual assault, addiction and drug use, racism, colorism, and death of parents/family members.

You can read an excerpt of the book here!]

Audrey: To get us started--let’s talk about this gorgeous cover! The cover art was created by Moses Lunham and designed by Rich Deas. The first thing I noticed when I got my copy of the book was that the two faces at the top had different skin tones. According to this interview, author Angeline Boulley says that “the different shades of the faces symbolizes Daunis claiming her biracial identity,” which is a major part of the book.

Jessica: The cover is so beautiful. It’s next to me on my desk right now and I can’t stop looking at it. Love how the cover ties into the themes of the book.

K. Imani: This cover is absolutely beautiful! I love the design of the faces looking like a butterfly as well as the bird and bear (I think) and the fire. There are so many subtle images in this cover that you can almost find something new each time. And the colors are so stunning. Like you Audrey, I noticed the faces had different skin tones which I found interesting and made me wonder what was going to happen in the book. Knowing the faces symbolize Daunis’s biracial identity now is powerful and really brings home the meaning of the book.

Crystal: I agree that the cover is gorgeous. In addition to the aspects of her physical appearance and physical identity, Daunis’ cultural identity is also displayed within the illustrations with bears representing her clan. In addition there are the birds like the one that guides her and the sun is in the background too which is from the story of the original Fire Keeper’s Daughter. The faces forming a butterfly is also just brilliant for a coming-of-age story. There’s so much to see. Each time I notice more.

Audrey: Daunis, our heroine, is on the older end of the YA protagonist spectrum at 18. She’s dealing with a lot of upheaval in her life, and things only get more complicated in short order. Something I really liked about Daunis was how often she thought about and evaluated what her responsibilities were--to her family, to her friends, to her community, and to herself. These sometimes complementary, sometimes competing, responsibilities strongly influenced her decisions.

Jessica: You mention the complementary and sometimes competing responsibilities -- that’s exactly it. I loved how her thought process was explored throughout the book in such a thorough and complex way. The way Daunis balances and reconciles the interests of her community with what the FBI wants from her and her quest for justice is laid out really clearly. Sometimes, narratives can tend toward simplistic, binary summations of the issues people, especially from marginalized communities, face -- but that’s just not the case, and Daunis really highlights that. To be honest, I was a little nervous at the introduction of law enforcement and the FBI, given the racism and oppression baked into these institutions, but the way Daunis navigates her interactions with them, plus the way other members of the community tell the truth about these institutions, really played out in such a nuanced way. (I really, really hope that the Netflix adaptation keeps these nuances and hard truths in the show, but I suspect that won’t be the case, unfortunately.)

K. Imani: I enjoyed that Daunis was 18 and on the cusp of adulthood. So many YA novels focus on the character’s high school life but a lot does happen and teens do grow and change a lot in that year after high school. Many have left home for college (that was me) or working full time and they are learning how to navigate a life that was not completely so structured. In addition to having to deal with changing friendships as people move away or just become busy. It’s a unique time and I loved that we got to spend time with Daunis as she was going through this change. She was learning how to become an adult in one of the most stressful ways possible, and sometimes I felt she was a little too idealistic, but I’m glad that she kept her truth throughout and was focused on helping her community in addition to helping the FBI. Her perspective helped keep the investigation grounded in what mattered which wouldn’t have happened if she wasn’t involved.

Crystal: Daunis balances a lot of responsibilities and really tries to follow what she’s learned from elders. She considers how her actions may affect all of her relatives within her family, clan, community, and beyond. Boulley embedded a lot of elder wisdom within Daunis’ inner dialogue such as thinking about the seventh generation when making decisions.

Audrey: One of the things that I really appreciated about Firekeeper’s Daughter was the depth of the setting and the characters in it. While Boulley says that Daunis’s tribe is fictionalized in the author note, it’s clear how much care and thought Boulley put into creating Daunis’s community. It’s filled with people who have complex histories (both within and between Native and non-Native groups), with differing opinions and prejudices and goals.

Jessica: This really highlights how important it is to have stories where cultures and communities aren’t portrayed as a monolith. It’s not just the right thing to do, it makes for a better and more accurate story. I read Firekeeper’s Daughter and watched the TV show Rutherford Falls back to back, which really drove home the power of depicting a community with nuance. (Also, sidebar: Highly recommend checking out Rutherford Falls, which does this really well.)

K. Imani: One of my favorite aspects of Firekeeper’s Daughter were the elders in Daunis’s tribe and how we got to hear many of their individual stories which showed the complexity of real life. I loved that Daunis listened to her elders, really took in their stories and learned from them. Her interactions with the elders greatly contributed to her growing sense of self and her desire to help her community. And this is where this novel being truly #ownvoices shines because of Boulley’s connection to her community that she took great care in making sure Daunis’s tribe felt real and authentic as well as culturally accurate. It was not full of stereotypes but filled with real people who had real lives and real stories. I was drawn into Daunis’s community and really cared about the people that made Daunis who she is and becomes.

Crystal: Like Jessica says, there is a lot of nuance here. When you have a wide variety of characters who are not simply good or bad, the story has more power and is definitely more believable. The people in our everyday lives are also complex and have a story if only we take the time to listen. This is what Daunis excels at with elders and others around her. She is paying attention and trying to connect with people. There is a lot of love throughout the book of many different types. The love is beautiful and yet also has some ugliness too in the betrayals. It’s not picture perfect and that makes it so much more real.

Audrey: Boulley tackles a lot of difficult topics in Firekeeper’s Daughter, especially ones that can hit hard on a community level. Much of the plot focuses on drug use and addiction, of course, but violence against Native women also has a significant impact on what happens in the book and affects multiple characters, including Daunis.

Crystal: Daunis and the other women are examples of the many, many, women who have been harmed in the past and the present. That’s not the whole story though. As Daunis is learning, there are many ways of being brave. Throughout the story, we see many women being strong and brave though at initial glance their actions may not seem to be either of those things. There is bravery in speaking out, but sometimes bravery requires something else. These women have done what they needed to do to survive or help their loved ones survive.

Audrey: Firekeeper’s Daughter has a complicated ending, and it left me thinking about two things. The first was how proud I was of Daunis and her character growth. There were a couple of times where she came across as very Not Like Other Girls (particularly with the hockey players’ girlfriends), but that changed over the course of the book. The second was grief at how many people and institutions failed Daunis and her community, both within and without. Just as one example, even though Daunis is a confidential informant for the FBI, the FBI doesn’t come out of this story as a Good Guy.

K. Imani: I was torn by the ending too. I so wanted justice for Daunis and Lily and for others who were murdered, but on the other hand life doesn’t always have a happy ending and I recognize that Boulley gave us that horribly realistic ending because the fight for missing and murdered Indigenous women continues and the fight for justice for Indigenous peoples. It was a heartbreaking reminder of a very real issue. On the other hand, I was so proud of Daunis as well. She was able to achieve her goals of helping out the FBI while staying true to herself and her community. She grew so much as a character and really found her place in her world.

Crystal: The ending gave me much to think about too. Daunis grew a lot as she worked through this complicated puzzle in her community. She learned much about herself and some of the assumptions folks have about others. I also really, really wanted justice, but unfortunately, would be unlikely in real life with our current justice system. I also found Jamie’s growth to be interesting. He is truly struggling with his own identity as an adopted child with Cherokee roots, but no Cherokee teachings or culture to turn to. I don’t know if a sequel or companion book is planned, but I would be interested in seeing more of their journeys whether their paths cross again or not.

Jessica: Audrey, thanks so much for leading this discussion! Now I have a question for you all -- what YA books by/about BIPOC are you reading right now?

For AAPI month, I’m rereading Turtle Under Ice by Juleah del Rosario. After that, I’m planning on reading The Ones We're Meant to Find by Joan He, Apple: Skin to the Core by Eric Gansworth, and Witches Steeped in Gold by Ciannon Smart! Yes, my TBR pile is excellent. :P

Audrey: Next up on my list are The Theft of Sunlight by Intisar Khanani, Forest of Stolen Girls by June Hur, and Simone Breaks All the Rules by Debbie Rigaud. I feel like that’s a pretty good mix of genres and authors right there!

K. Imani: Since I’m needing some inspiration for my vampire manuscript, I’m re-reading and new reading some vampire novels. Currently I am reading Fledgling by Octavia Butler then up next is Renee Ahdieh’s series The Beautiful and the sequel The Damned.

Crystal: I just re-read Saints & Misfits and then dove into the sequel Misfit in Love. S.K. Ali is an author that I really enjoy and I am loving it so far. Next up is American Betiya by Anuradha D. Rajurkar along with Love & Other Natural Disasters by Misa Sugiura. I also think my TBR is pretty stellar.

If you've had the chance to read FIREKEEPER'S DAUGHTER, please join in the discussion below! We'd love to hear what you think.

[pointnumbersixteen]

Ghosthood Chronology at Button House with a Few Thoughts

(Obviously not covering whatever unknown ghosts that haunted the property in the past but have since been sucked off.)

Robin: died thousands and thousands of years ago. It’s just him and the moon left over from that time. If there were any other ghosts from his period all the way to the middle ages, they long ago got sucked off. The modern world is totally unrecognizable to the one Robin lived in, but he’s been dead long enough he’s somehow managed to adapt to all of it. Since he seems to enjoy seeing and learning new things, and seems to enjoy himself the most frequently, I suspect Robin is still a ghost because he likes to be. 

The Plague Pit Ghosts: died sometime between 1348 and 1349. This was before Button House was constructed, so presumably they just sort of wandered around the grounds at the time. I wonder if Robin used to hang out with them? I wonder if there were more of them at one point and some of them have been sucked off while others remain or if they find having a significant portion of their community there together satisfying enough that they’ve all been content to stay? I wonder when they decided to move into the basement? Was it like, right after Button (Highham) House was built or did it take them a while? And what made them decide to form their own little enclave?

Humphrey: died sometime between 1509 and 1603. Obviously, again, we don’t know what other ghosts might have been there at the time and later got sucked off, but from the ghosts we do know were present, his arrival must have reflected a huge class difference. Barring unknown sucked off ghosts, the rest of the ghosts were all lower class until Kitty came along. Like, how did the village’s worth of dead peasants react to suddenly having a decapitated lord also ghosting on the property? And how did he react to them plus a caveman? Humphrey is fantastically chill in modern times, but few Tudor noblemen actually were, so was he, like, a raging dick for the first few centuries before he mellowed out and that could be an explanation for why so many of the other ghosts just ignore him now? Or did, like, he and Robin hang out, since the Plague Pit folks seem content to be their own unit? I personally suspect that when his head ends up weird places, it’s Robin that’s putting him there. Robin’s almost certainly the one who put him Alison’s medicine cabinet, at the very least. 

Mary: died sometime in the seventeenth century, most likely in the first half of it. Annie, the sucked off Puritan, would have died in a similar time frame, and they seemed to be steady companions until Annie was sucked off. The composition of the house ghosts turns after Mary’s death from mostly peasants to mostly upper class. I wonder how Mary took the house slowly shifting from mostly peasant to mostly well off and frequently kind of snobby? 

Kitty: died somewhere between 1714 and say, the 1790s? I could probably pin it closer if I knew more about historical fashion- and presuming they went with period accurate fashion- but I don’t. Kitty’s a fairly sunny and gregarious person, but the distance between her and her predecessors in terms of class, culture, and time was pretty large. In the Thomas Thorne Affair flashbacks, she spends most of the time alone, until the duel, while Mary’s with Annie, Humphrey’s abandoned on the stairs, and Robin’s off doing his own thing. Series 2 sees her becoming friends with Mary, but that’s several hundred years after they both died. Maybe it never happened before that because when Kitty arrived Mary already had a best friend in Annie? 

Thomas: died in 1824. I suspect he’s spent most of his afterlife sighing and pining over women. Kitty seems to be in his fan club, probably because they both have romantic tendencies, but he’s never struck me as particularly close to any of the other ghosts. 

Fanny: died sometime between 1901 and 1910, but considering she identifies as Edwardian, I’m guessing it was toward the later end of that time frame. Fanny was the first ghost from recognizable modernity, with electricity and cars and such. She’s also the first to come out on our end of Victorian sensibilities and traditions, which were rather different from everything that came before them. She seems to prefer the company of Cap and maybe Pat, who died after her, but is willing to talk to- or at, at least- everyone in the house. She was the lady of the house and probably used to ordering everyone in it around. I don’t imagine her conception of herself as such changed after she died, so I imagine she took charge upon arrival, at least until Cap and Pat arrived and took over a lot of the day-to-day leadership- but they both noticeably still defer to her.  

The Captain: died in 1945 or later. I suspect 1945, personally, but it could have been longer. Pat didn’t turn up for nearly another 40 years, so I imagine he was pretty lonely in his initial ghosthood, with Fanny as his main companion (who, as the Edwardian matriarch, would have been rather more akin to his mother than him). But then, I imagine he was probably pretty lonely in his life, too. He envisions himself as the group leader, but the extent to which that is true outside of crisis situations is questionable.  

Pat: died in 1984. The world has changed enough since the eighties so that a lot of things from now are new and exciting to him but it hasn’t changed enough to be unrecognizable and he still has living family, so he isn’t as far removed from the world as the rest of the ghosts. Taking on the same sort of activity coordinator and facilitator role he had as a scout master, on a practical level, he’s the one who most frequently is actually the group leader.  

Julian: died in 1993. He lived to see the end of the Cold War, computers become common, and, depending exactly when he died, might have seen the start of the public internet, so the world isn’t particularly different for him from when he died, at least on the macro-scale. The circumstances of his death were awkward, though- naked below the waist and in some sort of sex act- and I wonder how long it took for it to stop being awkward with the other ghosts? Particularly the more repressed ones, like Fanny and Captain. He eventually developed a chess-playing friendship with Robin and I wonder when and how that occurred. Did Robin already know how to play chess? If so, when did he learn and did anyone else ever play with him? Also: did Julian ever try to smarm his way into the other ghosts’ good books or was he an obviously shameless immoral Tory from the start?  

[orsuliya]

I love Awu when she's in boss wifey mood.

In ep. 44 we find out that Qianer not just assaulted Xiao Qi but the drugs were extremely dangerous and would cause a great harm to a man. And while they're listening, Awu looks at XQ, at his vulnerable face, and she is totally in "i'm going to tear the bitch apart, no one can touch my man" mood. And then she literally destroys Qianer.

However Awu didn't let her grudges go. In ep.57 she still accuses her evil cousin. "Because of your treacherous tactics, you guys have hurt the prince!". Yeah Awu, protect your man 👍

How do you think they spend the night after the cousin's assault?

My answer to that question changes regularly, depending on the mood, which is just great, let me tell you. And I'm not even being sarcastic; it's always good to have some options to choose from! As far as I'm concerned those options are as follows:

Option 1. Hurt and Comfort.

Do you remember how Doctor Shen recommended strong tea as a way to get rid of the remaining poison faster? Which is valid; while tea isn't truly a detoxificant on its own, it can support your body's natural detox mechanisms. So basically Xiao Qi is meant to sit tight and wait for all the unpleasant side effects to pass. Oh, and hydrate, which is always a good idea and doubly so when dealing with blood loss.

Well, since Xiao Qi's movements are justifiably unsteady and even in the morning he's pretty much down one hand, I don't think that he should be left to hydrate on his own. Give that man some help! Cue a vison of Awu holding a teacup to Xiao Qi's lips before helping him to lie down, his head resting on her knees and then gently stroking his hair away from his forehead as she tells him what exactly happened to the Screechers and why poor Turnip had to physically drag Screecher Junior to his carriage through the entire courtyard.

There is a distinct possibility that she also takes this opportunity to apologize, both for unwittingly putting him in danger and for going behind his back with Helan Zhen. Which Xiao Qi explicitly refuses to listen to, raising his healthy hand and putting his fingers on Awu lips, just as she did to him before. It's not like he didn't go behind her back, so they're pretty much even, no need for any apologies. And besides, it's hard to recognize an enemy who disguises herself as a civilian under your care.

Option 2. Hurt and Horniness.

That option should be pretty self-explanatory, I think. Doctor Shen confirms that while blood-letting helped Xiao Qi not to, you know, die, it hasn't gotten rid of the problem in its entirety, hence the prescription of tea and rest. So the remaining effects should be harmless enough to let the patient deal with them on his own, without the necessity of expert help. By which I mean Doctor Shen and his medicines, you filthy-minded creatures.

Still, you can't deny that Xiao Qi looks rather, ah, peaky, even after some helpful soul wipes the sweat off his face. Was that Turnip, I wonder...? Just kidding, although such an act could double as a rather effective anti-aphrodisiac.

While expert help is not required or needed, I don't think that Xiao Qi would reject a helping hand - or any other body part - offered to him by his beautiful and compassionate wife. Who might be getting something out of this deal, since I doubt it's pure altruism that has her looking like the cat that got the cream over breakfast and boast about getting a good night's sleep despite rising unusually early. Mind you, it could be simply joy and relief caused by having their home declared a Screecher-free zone.

Option 3. Hurt and Realism.

Life is (sadly) not all fanfiction cliches and cdrama biology. Now, if anyone knows what the drug in question is actually supposed to be, do share, but personally I'd bet on something containing toad secretions. Those have been long used in Chinese medicine, also as aphrodisiacs, can be lethal in wrong doses leading to heart attacks and the like, and, which is most significant, can have hallucinogenic properties. Which is exactly what Xiao Qi seems to be experiencing and what prompts him to go straight for the knife. We've been told a few times before that he doesn't drink and the explanation provided by Song Huaien is that he never ever wants to lose the clarity of mind. If sobriety and clear head is that important, there must be a reason for it, which could, incidentally, double as a reason to panic and start with the cutting instead of, I don't know, crying for help. Like a sane person.

These kinds of medicines can also have some pretty nasty side-effects, including reduced clotting, diarrhea, mouth ulcers and myalgia. The last one seems to be our winner as it's clear that Xiao Qi is having trouble with moving. At one point during his conversation with Turnip he tries to curl onto himself and later on starts panting, as if experiencing a serious rib cramp. Which is just about the worst thing in the world. I trust TRP on details and this all fits a bit too well. Combined with severe blood loss, which must have been significant, even if not up to the point of causing hypovolemic shock, there is every chance that Xiao Qi's night will be pretty miserable. Once the adrenaline rush is over we're most likely to be left with a sweating, woozy, drowsy and fatigued log in serious pain. Oh joy!

Sooo... Which option do you choose?

By the way, I'm a very big fan of morally destroying Miss Screecher, if you couldn't tell. Not as much as some of you and certainly not as much as a certain proponent of skinning her like a rabbit, to whom I shall get back at a later date, but still. Hold onto that grudge, Awu, and never let it go!

[himikiyo]

cityscapes turn to dust // himikiyo week day 1

Himikiyo Week Day 1: Folklore + Magic

“Trying to defy death, hmm? You’re choosing to take the hard road just as I did. If I don’t have enough time left to change your mind, all I can do is wish you luck.”

Korekiyo's actions taking care of their sister catch up to them.

Read on AO3, DRA, or under the cut

They had to travel light these days. With the city so ravaged, it was common to pick up and leave at a moment’s notice, and there was only so much Himiko could carry. Kiyo was much stronger than her of course, but even the essentials weighed a fair bit. Most of her possessions, along with theirs, remained at their house, still locked up tight for the time being. Someone determined enough would still be able to break in, but she tried not to think about that.

Material possessions weren’t as important as a life anyway.

Despite traveling light though, Korekiyo seemed to be getting weaker. She told them they just needed rest, but they both knew that wasn’t it. The last time they visited their sister, she put up a fight. Perhaps she knew what was coming, and recognized the sickle in their hand. Either way, she bit them again. Maybe that was the final exposure their body could take after holding out so long.

Their arm was wreathed in broken veins, a sickly purplish crown centered on the bite mark. The imprint of each and every tooth was still clearly visible over a week later whenever she checked under the bandages. She picked her opportunities carefully, when they were half asleep or in a particularly good mood. That way, she hoped, they wouldn’t be quite so upset about how cold it was to remove any layers.

She checked every night to make sure they were still breathing. It was getting harder to tell.

---

People still tried to avoid saying the word zombie. Euphemisms were used: infected, changed. Sometimes there was no more than an indirect reference, like the grandmother who told her that “some of them” drove her out of her home. Maybe it was a foolish desire, since this elderly woman had clearly done well enough for herself to escape that, but Himiko wanted to help her.

“Why don’t you stay with us?” she asked. “Just for a little while. We don’t have much, but it’d be safer than traveling alone.”

“Thank you, dear,” the woman replied, adjusting her shawl. “But I like my chances. I’ve made it this far. If you’ll accept some advice from an old woman...” She trailed off momentarily, casting a meaningful glance at Kiyo. “You may want to consider striking out on your own too. There’s something not right about that one.”

“They’ve just been a little sick lately. Once we find somewhere safe to get medicine, they’ll be fine.” The lie tasted bitter on her tongue, but she couldn’t stand saying anything else. Without Korekiyo, she was sure she’d be long since dead.

“Sick? Or changing? Sometimes the hardest lesson to learn is when there’s nothing more to be done.”

“No, that’s not—” She broke off, swiping miserably at her eyes. Kiyo still sat in the corner. Wearing three sweaters to fight a mild early autumn chill, they gave off the impression of an especially gangly marshmallow. It seemed like they were oblivious to the conversation, but Himiko knew better. They always observed more than people gave them credit for.

“Don’t let your friend suffer, dear.” After pressing a small, paper-wrapped package into her hands, the grandmother left. Himiko watched until she vanished from view, hoping she arrived safely to wherever she was headed.

---

“So,” Kiyo said some time later. “When are you planning to kill me? She gave you everything you need to do it, didn’t she?”

“What? No, I’d never. You know I’d never do something like that.” Perched on the edge of the couch they were laying on, she combed a hand through their hair. It helped her fight the urge to rest it on their forehead and see how much their temperature had dropped.

“Yet you encouraged me that putting my sister out of her misery was the right thing to do.”

“That’s different. She wasn’t herself anymore.” As always, she bit back the part about how even with her full mental faculties, that would have been what she deserved.

“Any day now, you might come to find that I am not myself anymore either. Then I will no longer be able to cooperate with your attempts to do it painlessly.”

“That won’t happen,” she argued, fingers involuntarily tightening in their hair for just a moment. “If it was going to happen, it would have already. That was, what, the fifth time she bit you or something? It’s like you told me that first day I found out the truth. You’re immune.”

“Immune.” They scoffed, face contorting into something between a grimace and a scowl. “That was never anything but a lie I allowed myself to believe. I’m not immune. I’m dying.”

“No, you’re not,” Himiko mumbled. She inched closer to them on the couch, laying her head on their bony shoulder. Through sweaters and blankets, it almost felt soft. “I won’t let you.”

“Trying to defy death, hmm? You’re choosing to take the hard road just as I did. If I don’t have enough time left to change your mind, all I can do is wish you luck.” Numb fingers tugged their mask down to press a kiss to her forehead. The old, scarred-over bite wound on their neck was taking on the same purplish hue as their arm.

---

She woke up the next morning with her head resting on their chest. She couldn’t hear a heartbeat.

Shinguuji Korekiyo was dead.

After she came to that realization but before she could figure out what she should do about it, they stirred, feebly trying to shove the blankets off.

“Too hot,” they mumbled, rolling over (or trying to — the attempt wasn’t very successful with half her weight still on them).

“Kiyo?” It had been weeks since they had anything temperature-related to say that wasn’t complaining of being too cold. Not to mention the bigger issue of their lack of vital signs. Straightening up fully, Himiko leaned over them to meet their eyes. They were groggy and unfocused, but they clearly seemed to recognize her.

“What? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

“I guess I have in a way,” she responded, choking out a shaky laugh. “You.”

They sat up slowly, giving her a perplexed look. Did they not even realize what was going on? Surely they had to feel different. She reached out and laid a hand on their chest, just to be certain. Was she so exhausted that she just missed it before? After flexing their wrist, stretching their arm — stiff, maybe from the lack of blood flow? — they overlapped her hand with their own.

“I see. I didn’t imagine becoming a zombie would feel so pleasant.”

“Pleasant? How can you be so calm?”

“I actually feel better than I have in quite some time,” they admitted. “It’s rather comfortable. I do seem to have a certain degree of numbness, but it’s a worthwhile exchange to be free from all the recent pain and discomfort I’ve experienced. Considering my mind seems to be intact, at least as much as I can tell from my own biased perspective, death might not be so bad. If nothing else, it gives me something new to study.”

“Oh. Well, I’m glad you’re feeling better, but I don’t know if it’s normal to accept something like this so quickly.”

She was forgetting, of course, that Kiyo had never quite been normal.

---

Over time, it became clear that them saying they had “a certain degree of numbness” was a bit of an understatement. If she happened to touch them when they weren’t looking, they only seemed to notice about half the time. Their pain tolerance, already high, had increased to such an extent that it was very possible for them to sustain serious injuries without noticing. Thankfully, it didn’t seem like they were in any danger of dying again.

They were still capable of healing, just at a slower rate than a living person. The bite wounds were gradually becoming less evident, flesh repairing itself in defiance of the laws of biology.

That didn’t save her from the unpleasantness of acting as their doctor.

Her first lesson in zombie surgery was a jarring one. The glass shards embedded in their leg likely could have been avoided if they had as much feeling as they used to, but there was no point in agonizing over could have beens. The good news was that they barely seemed affected, glancing down at the heavy wounds with little more than bemused intrigue.

“Ah. I thought something stung a bit. We should probably take a moment to deal with this,” they said smoothly.

“Um, yeah, probably. It really doesn’t hurt? You’re bleeding a lot. What if you run out or something? We don’t exactly know all about how this whole zombie thing works.”

“It’s alright,” Kiyo said. “I think. If I can heal from injuries, it follows that I must still be capable of regenerating my blood supply. However, leaving broken glass there could cause problems. You should remove it.”

“Me? Why?”

“You should get used to tending to my wounds just in case there comes a time when I’m unable to do so myself.”

---

She got plenty of practice. Most of their injuries were minor, but she dutifully took care of each one nevertheless. When she really thought about it, sometimes she wondered if they acted a little carelessly on purpose just to give her experience. They’d always teetered dangerously on the edge of masochism, and now there was the added temptation of learning more about zombie physiology to boot.

Sure enough though, that time Kiyo mentioned did come eventually. So far, it seemed nearly impossible for them to die again, but that didn’t do much to diminish the dread that flowed through her when she saw the exposed muscle and bone of their arm, flayed open like so many of the other shambling zombies they’d seen over the past several weeks.

They grimaced when she started to clean up the wound. It was barely a flicker of pain, but even that was significant considering how much they were able to get through without batting an eye.

“Apologies, dear,” they murmured. “Continue.”

“Sorry. Kind of weird how quickly this has become normal.” She leaned in, pressing a soft kiss to their lips before continuing.

Pulling the edges of the wound together and stitching it up nice and securely...She wasn’t the neatest with her sewing, but she was getting better, and Kiyo always insisted they didn’t mind.

“Beautiful work, my love,” they praised, smiling down at their rather Frankenstein-esque arm. “That’s much better already.”

Himiko just smiled, wrapping the arm up again in their usual bandages.

“I’ll always be here to sew you back again. For now, we should probably both get some rest.” They were only a day away from the village of their hopes.

[originalcontent]

Well. Forgot to make our final pathologic post, because we did it, we finished the game. We just played all the remaining days at once. Not going to go super hard on the plot details bc if you know them then you know them, all I can say is holy shiiiiiiit this was such a good story/mystery/choice/everything.

First order of business: casualties.

All the children except Grace survived. When we had five panaceas, we chose Sticky, Murky, Khan, Notkin, and Capella, and we weren't able to find any more shmowders until it was too late. Taya was lucky and Grace wasn't. I feel kinda bad but also I don't know what more we could have done. God all of the kids and their final conversations when they all think they're going to die, they're so sad and sweet and I love them all so much.

The thing I'm SUPER bummed about is that Stakh, Lara, and Bad Grief all died. Like we did everything we could for all of them, but I'm still sad about it. One regret from this game is that I think we should have spent more time with them. I should have tried to make things right with them. I was so focused on the kids, and I don't regret that, but also I kept putting other things before them as well and I should have tried harder.

The other casualties were Big Vlad, Maria Kaina, Eva Yan, and Anna Angel, who was apparently a character but I think we literally never spoke with her in our playthrough. And Aglaya, although I don't know how we could have saved her either. Everyone else survived. I don't know the typical death toll for this game, but we did better than I was expecting us to, all things considered.

Oh wait, Nara's also dead. That wasn't an incredibly disturbing scene or anything. Like I'm getting ahead of myself a bit but jesus the kinfolk terrify me sometimes. My sister mentioned that it's probably a very different game if we commit super hard to exploring their plotline, and she's probably right. That whole sequence though... the blood, the hearts... it's a lot. I'm not going into detail bc if you've played the game then you already know what's down there, but hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

I feel like replaying this game knowing everything would put a LOT of earlier conversations into new context.

Still! That was the only place we death spiraled this time! Death spiral escaped! That's probably due in no small part to the presence of the soldiers. Like yes they're terrible and them burning people alive is terrifying, but also we discovered the strategy that every time we were attacked by someone we could just have them chase us past a soldier who would protect us. We still had to sneak around a lot but overall it meant we had a lot fewer fights.

The polyhedron was gorgeous. We probably wasted a lot of time visiting it, but it was wonderful. I wanted to go back when all the kids were there but they didn't let us. Super into the earth/sky dichotomy of Notkin's and Khan's gangs.

Block was sure something. When I first met him he was meeting with my three [living :(] best friends but none of them would talk to me. Anyway. When he arrives everyone's saying they loved him, then later on we accidentally walk into the most obvious coup ever, and then the next day he's back in charge like nothing happened. And then on the last day there's this massive violent internal conflict? Plus the whole thing with him and Aglaya (weren't they working together in the prologue?) and plus they keep giving us heart attacks saying they're going to level the town and then changing their minds. Thank god for Changeling who was apparently the single persuasive voice in saving everyone? I guess? We've had our ups and downs but honestly she was waaaaaaay more reliable than Daniil at the end.

I told her I'd help her cure a patient in the hospital, but I didn't have any panacea or shmowder so in the end I couldn't, but afterwards I was glad I hadn't helped her. I already felt terrible I didn't have enough living blood for all the children when they were all spontaneously infected, and it would have been so much worse if I had been able to help another but I'd wasted it on a random person earlier.

... Is Aglaya in love with Artemy? Or are they just two agents who recognize said agency in one another? Everyone spent all game hyping her up as some sort of monster but she was my friend and she listened to me. And she died trying to save everyone I guess.

The kids...just. All of them. Notkin and Capella both told us to let them die but to make sure Khan was okay. Murky saying she'd loved Artemy since the first time she saw him. God everything they said and did I love them. I can't imagine playing this game as either of the other characters because I can't imagine going through this town and not carrying deeply about all the kids like this.

So I think...I think I made my choice long before I actually made the choice itself, you know? There was only ever going to be one choice.

Day 11 was the first and only day when I knew exactly what I had to do. I mean I guess it was in the stage directions and everything. Thank you dear Fellow Traveler for feeding us the night before--did you know we'd never visited the dead item shop until the last night? Probably would have made finding food and medicine a lot easier. But anyway, when the day began I didn't quite understand the significance of the stage directions because the Haruspex looking for couriers did not sound like the dramatic climax to the story that I knew this day was supposed to be. Still, I looked for the couriers.

I think I visited the three locations in the order I was supposed to. Seeing Daniil like that with his gun and bloody hands, sitting in a room of corpses...hearing him ramble...oh man I was so conflicted, this whole game I'd thought that even though I teased him, I would always ultimately back his plays because I trusted him and I knew that ultimately he wanted to help people too. Hearing him tell me what he wanted me to do then at the end of everything...he honestly scared me a bit.

The Changeling and I seemed much more on the same page at the end of everything. Being in the middle of a field with armed soldiers closing in from all sides was kind of terrifying though. I didn't stay to witness what she did with them. She’s okay though, she’s alive.

Wild goose chase for the final courier eventually took me to the bar where I met an injured bandit and was able to actually perform a surgery for the first time in the entire fucking game. I really enjoyed that because I'm supposed to be a fucking surgeon.

Meeting my understudy fucking killed me. I cannot BELIEVE that the final courier who was carrying the only file that could save the whole town was canonically murdered by the understudy of the protagonist. How the hell is that a real plot point, do you have any idea how much I adore that, that is more meta than literally anything else that has happened in this whole game. I fucking died. I definitely have been playing this game as Artemy rather than as Actor, and I think that made the whole scene even funnier. His whole thing about taking a new direction with the character, the whole "you're getting paid for this??", the fact that Artemy was so offended by literally every aspect of his existence that we didn't even know what to criticize. At the end I was like "yeah I'm definitely going to kill this guy" but we're nice people and we let him surrender. His inventory consisted of a rusty scalpel, a hazelnut, and a single piece of twyre, which was the most incredible parody of Artemy's inventory that I can imagine and killed me all over again.

The kin folk all met with me and begged me not to let them die. Maybe things could have been different, but again, I knew my choice and deep down I always knew what we were going to choose at the end. When you start the game, day one, there are two things that are immediately striking about the town. One, it's full of living folklore, and two, it's full of children, and those are the two things that make the town special and wonderful. When you look back on it all, there was only ever one way this could all end.

The dead courier (murdered by my own fucking understudy rather than an actual character, still dying) was a dramatic sight. It's lucky I had to sleep then or I probably wouldn't have found him.

After I made my choice, the disease tried to murder me. It infected literally every district I moved through, manifesting in every single passageway. I just chugged my tinctures and moved as well as I could, because fuck you disease, you are nothing to me. Obviously at that point nothing really could stop me. I considered saving in the cathedral, but what would be the point?

Day 12 was so bright and peaceful and nice. I could just walk around for once with no fear of getting lost or hungry or running out of time. I'm still really sad my childhood friends weren't alive to share it with me, but I enjoyed talking to everyone. My favorite little end conversations were Taya and Notkin for sheer adorable factor, Yulia so Artemy could say he wanted her to be the one to tell his story and to make it as undramatic as possible (fuck you Mark), Daniil because it was super cute and I’m glad that after it all things are okay between us and I got to make fun of him for trying to talk in my language, and Andrey and Peter because literally nothing made me feel better about my choice to destroy the polyhedron than listening to them complain about it.

And then the theater, where I talked to everyone who'd died and to Mark Immortell. He told me he'd need to try again with a different protagonist (gee I wonder who he could be referring to, such a shame we'll never know) and that I could go into the back and take off my mask now. I considered it for a bit, but it didn't feel right, so I decided that I was Artemy and I went back outside.

This game was wonderful. It was beautiful. It has such a fundamental understanding of what theater is and what makes something theatrical (lose me with your cinematic games, theater and cinema are completely different things and the former is impossibly beautiful but is also almost impossible to recreate when not in person). It's worldbuilding was immaculate, and for all the stress it caused I'm really happy for it.

I say this every time, but I love Artemy so fucking much. Give me a character who is a monster and a healer and who is full of anger but also so much love, and then just have him adopt 7+ children why don't you. He is so wonderful and good and interesting and I am in love with him.

(Edit: And then like a month later, just now, we went back to our last save and threw the documents in the trash so we could play through the other ending. I think the diurnal ending is definitely the better one, although it was nice to see the polyhedron again and to talk to all the game developers. <3 Also the goodbyes to Daniil and Notkin were super sad in that one, I did what Daniil wanted, he won’t even stay? This is so sad.)

Well that's our pathologic playthrough. We know there's a lot we missed and we may return to the game at some point. (Looked up a plot summary afterwards and there’s just so much else. Must save my childhood friends next time.) Game is very good though. It's been wild. Marbles sometime in the next few days. :)

[yandere-for-you]

HOLY SHIT!!, sorry but I’m happy to finally have this done!

This takes place pre canon atlest a year or so

I tried to make this as gender neutral as possible but the reader is called mom in this and there is mention of pregnancy and brainwashing with medicine

I own none of these ppl.

————————————————————

It started with headaches.

It was unusually bright today in the sector, in the apartment, that your small family lived in and you were sitting on the couch, watch your four year old son, Lea, playing with his toys on the floor. When suddenly you were hit with this awful headache, it was more migraine then headache actually but still you felt terrible. You placed a hand over your eyes.

"Mama?" Opening one eye, you saw your kid looking up at you worried. You loved your son, even if the time you were pregnant with him was fuzzy; one minute you had shown Reno the test, the next you were in the hospital, nine months later, tired and high on pain killers, with your husband by your side who had your new born in his arms. Reno had told you it was a healthy little boy and let you name him. You decided on Lea, which for some reason, to you, it just fit in your hazy mind.

Picking him up, you sat him on your lap, he snuggled against you, "Just a headache, little firebug."

You knew you made a mistake in telling him when his eyes widened and he tried hopping up.

"Gotta tell dad!"

You stopped him, patted his head, "No, no, no, it's just a headache. No need to worry your dad about this."

"But-"

You gently shook your head, laying down and pulling your son with you, "Let's just rest and it'll go away.", he wiggled around to get comfortable before finally settling down. You'd only closed your eyes for a second, just for a second.

Then before you knew it, you had woken up in your bed and the only soft light from the lamp your bed-side table illuminated the room enough to for you to see. Sitting up, you saw the sun had set and it was nighttime. As you got out of bed, you saw you were dressed in an over sized button up. Reno must have changed you out of your day clothes. It was nighttime so he must be home, but he wasn't in bed.

You walked out of bedroom and into the living room, where you say your husband was sitting on the couch, dressed in a plain black shirt and pj pants with another lamp on and the tv running with some seemly boring show, "Hey, Babydoll, you're up.", you made an agreeing noise as you sat on the couch then curled up against him and he placed an arm around your shoulders, pulling you closer.

"How was work?"

He hummed, "Same old, same old.", you wouldn't really know, Reno never really told you in detail what he did for work, all he told you was that he worked in an office and sometimes had boring days.

"Rude?"

"He's fine, says hi.", you felt bad not being able to see your husband's partner a lot, giving that he was also his best friend and Lea's godfather.

"Did you eat? Sorry I fell asleep before you got home."

Reno chuckled, kissing you on the forehead, "Yeah, me and Rude picked up something, fed Lea, he's asleep in his room. There's something for in the fridge for-", you didn't wait for him to finish has you jumped over the couch and over to the kitchen. You flipped him off when you heard him laugh at you as you pulled out the take out box.

After heating up a plate, you curled back up against him, having changed the channel to something more else, "Sooo, a little munchkin told me you were having headaches?", you nearly choked on your food then after drinking some water to get the food down, you looked at him in embarrassment for being caught keeping something from him. He ran a hand through the your hair, "Could have called and told me. Have you been taking your meds?"

You picked at your food, "I just didn't want to bother you, you're busy with work and yes, I have everyday, like I'm suppose too."

He hummed, "Should we go to the doctors'? They could take a look, make sure nothin' wrong with your meds.", you froze at what he said, you really, really, didn't want to go to the doctors'. You hated them and their hospital/offices, they felt cold and unfriendly, even if they tried to plastered on a friendly smile whenever one of the significant others of Reno's friends or you were around. You gave birth to your son in one of the rooms of the hospital and as soon as the drugs wore off, you wanted to leave, immediately, which caused them to drug you up even more, so you wouldn't hurt yourself or them.

"Please, Reno, it was just a headache and I'm fine now. I really don't wanna go back there.", you place the plate on the coffee table, not really feeling hungry anymore.

"Hey, hey, it was just a suggestion. I know how much you hate it there.", he picked up the plate as he got up from the couch. You watched as he placed the food back in the box and then back in the fridge. Your husband walked back over and kneeled down in front of you, "Let's go to bed, Babydoll."

"No doctor?"

He chuckled, "Nah, no doctor, just tell me if you have anymore problems. Now, come one, bed time.", you agreed and both of you quickly brushed your teeth and went to bed.

Then you were seeing and remembering weird things.

You were at home, cleaning up the apartment and watching Lea and his friend, Isa, who was dropped off by his mother, Li Mei, the wife of your husband's boss, Tseng. Li Mei was a beautiful woman from Wutei, with two different colored eyes, one a deep pretty brown and a beep blue, light blue hair that matched her son's and flawless skin. Honestly, sometime you were kinda jealous of her flawless looks, you only had a son and she had two kids, and yet, she looked like she wasn't stressed as hell with raising them. Xion was their other child, a daughter, with hair like her father but with her mother's soft face and blue eyes.

You froze, seeing something strange appeared in your reflection of the window you were cleaning. Leaning closer, you wondered if you had always had that strange bright green ring around the pupils of your eyes, "Mama!", you filched away from the window and looked down to see the boys standing to the side of you. Lea holding up your phone.

"Yes, you two?"

"Dad's calling! Also we're hungry, food please!"

Sighing through your nose, you smiled and grabbed your phone from him, "Okay, let me talk to your dad then I'll make something for lunch. Go on, go play.", you bend down and kissed him on the head and messed up Isa's hair, which made him pout and then follow a giggling Lea back to the living room to play. You answered the call and placed it to your ear, "Hello, sweetie. Why are you calling, you don't usually call when your at work unless somethings up."

"Aahhh, Caught me, Baby doll. But I just got the feeling I needed to-", you flinched away from the phone as a yelp came from it.

You place it back against your ear, "Um...What..what was that?"

"Some one hit their toe on their desk or something I think, don't worry about it, Gorgeous. So, how's you and the munchkin doing?"

Rolling your eyes, you answered him, "We're doing fine, Li Mei dropped off Isa because she had to take Xion to a check up.", you made your way to the kitchen and started pulling things out, looking for something to feed the kids, "And I'm just trying to find or make some lunch for the kids.",

"Great, anymore headaches?"

"No, I'm haven't had any in a week.", in truth you had been having them, one almost everyday for the week since they started but you really didn't want to worry your husband, you decided on making a sandwich, "How do you feel about curry tonight for dinner?"

"If it's the spicy kind you make, hell yeah!", you smiled at the enthusiasm he showed about your cooking, you weren't the best but he thought whatever you made was.

"Of course, but I need to to pick up some stuff from the store before you get home."

"Got it, send me a list, Baby doll.", as you were saying your I love yous and before you hung up, you thought you heard another scream, this time for help. Looking down at your black screen, and saw that the green ring, you thought saw a moment ago, was gone. You shrugged as you placed your phone on the counter then picked up the plates, filled with the kids' lunch.

The next time something happened was when you were getting up in the morning. Your son had jumped on you both as you slept, yelling about how it's the weekend and dad has the day off and, "Get up, get up, get uuuuup!!",

You groaned, rolling over to Reno with your eyes still closed you told him, "Your son's awake."

"Before 8 am, and coffee, he's your son.", then you smirked when you heard him grunt as Lea landed on him, "Alright, Alright, Munchkin, I'm up.", cracking open an eye, you giggled when you saw the claw marks you left on his back last night, good thing he put pants on afterward. You stopped when Reno side eyed you, and smirked. Squeaking, you hid under the blankets, listening to him chuckle as he picked up his son and walked out of the room, telling you he would get breakfast started.

You tossed the blanket off as soon as they were gone then sat up and stretched. Getting up, you walked over to the bathroom and turned on the lights only to nearly trip backwards at what you saw in the mirror. In the mirror was you but you looked strange in the reflection there were bruises and cuts on your body and your face had a bleeding cut on your cheek, you looked like you had gotten into a fight and a pretty bad one, "Baby Doll?", blinking, you saw your normal everyday self reflecting back at you and the only bruises you had were on your neck and peeking on from your shirt collar. You turned to see Reno looking at you with narrowed eyes, worriedly.

You rubbed your eyes, "Yeah, yeah before you ask I'm okay. Do you need to use the bathroom or anything?"

He hummed, "Naah, used the other one, was worried about ya. You take your pills?"

You huffed, "Not yet, was about too.", you waved him away, "Now shoo, you tomcat. I need to use the bathroom, myself.", He grinned then kissed you on the lips as he rubbed your back and left, telling you he'd had the coffee ready in a bit.

After using the bathroom, you held your pill bottle in your hands, staring at it. It was a plain orange bottle with a white lid, a normal bottle, all considering but it had no label. You didn't even pick up your own medicine, even ever you were running low, you would tell Reno or Rude and they would get them for you. Dropping one in your palm, you stared closely at the white and green capsule, wondering if you were ever going to stop taking these, probably never with the way your husband was. The last time you suggested maybe weening you off of them, Reno had gone still and quiet, narrowed his eyes at you then got really close to your face, so close you could see the very light freckles doting across his nose and cheeks. He smirked at you, but you knew in your gut it wasn't very kind, he told you that he could take you to the doctors and see what they said, then two weeks had pass and before you knew it, you had gotten pregnant with Lea and it was really never brought up again. Maybe...maybe, just this once you could stop taking them and make him see you were just fine without them. You watched as the little capsule made its way down the toilet, hoping this wouldn't come back to bite you in the ass.

It came to bite you in the ass and bite you hard at lest two or so weeks later. You were home alone, with Reno at work and Li Mei being so kinda to watch over Lea with you just wanting to get some stuff done and some alone time to yourself, you busied yourself with doing the normal chores around the house. You were sitting on the couch, folding laundry when out of no where a terrible pain ran through your head, it felt a lot worst then the first headache. You let out a cry of pain as you bent over, holding your head. Flashes of memories went through your head, some you hoped weren't real.

When it was finally over, you looked up and glanced around wide eyed at the apartment, "W..where am I? What happened? Wait...", you pinch the bridge of your nose, blinking away the rest of the pain then you remembered what happened and who you really were.

You were...are(?) a part of Avalanche, a rebel group that fought against ShinRa and its Turks...wait, Turks! Standing up, you looked around, again and saw a photo frame. You snatched it up and saw you holding a little red headed boy, no, that was your son, Lea and standing next to you both, with his arms loosely around you both, was...fucking Reno Sinclair, second in command of the Turks and a really, really, really, dangerous man. You remembered, now, how you had fought him a hand full of times and only barely gotten away with a only a few bruises and maybe a broken finger or two.

So, why were you here?

Glancing down at your hand, you nearly screamed when you saw a deep red and sliver wedding band on your ring finger. You looked closer at the photo then tossed it away from you when you saw a matching ring on Reno's hand. You felt nausea roll around in your stomach, were...were you married to a Turk? How were you married to a Turk?! How long had this been going on and why can't you-Gasping, you ran into the main bedroom bathroom, you ripped open the medicine cabinet, then grabbed the blank pill bottle. These...these things that he was making you take had...brainwashed you into marrying and having a kid with him. You looked at the date written on the bottle with marker and dropped it in shock when you saw it was five years.

Five years of brainwashing and being in a relationship with this man. Did your friends at Avalanche think you were dead?

Oh, God you had to get out of here!

You changed into a pair of torn looking jeans, comfortable and easy to move in, an over sized hoodie from the closet and a pair of boots that were a size to big, then you packed a small bag with what you needed, just enough to get to sector seven, check on everyone and then find a way out of Midgar, maybe go to Wutai, you had a friend there, or Icicle Area, or..or...anywhere but here. You pulled off the ring and placed it beside the picture frame, taking one more glance at it, you felt shame and guilt waste over you as you looked at your son, you felt bad for leaving him behind but being on the run with a four year wasn't safe for either of you. You know Li Mei, the poor woman was probably also brainwashed, will take care of him. You pulled the hoodie over your face then walk down the hallway, you left through the window, and down the fire escape, making sure no one saw you.

Li Mei had an awful feeling something was wrong when her friend, (Name), didn't come pick up Lea from her apartment on the time they said they would, then she got even more worried when an hour passed and still no (Name). They were never late picking up their son, really they were never late for anything. Making sure the kids were still playing and ignorant to her worry, she grabbed her phone and quickly dialed her friend's husband, "Li Mei, what's up? Like, I don't mind ya calling but if something's wrong you should really tel-"

She didn't let him finished as she blurted out, "(Name) hasn't come to pick up Lea at the time they said, it's been an hour, Reno, and I'm worried.", there was silence for a moment.

"Ya sure? Maybe they're just-"

"Reno, you and I both know (Name) hates being late for anything and if they were, they would call and tell us.", Li Mei bit at her knuckles, an awful habit she had picked up from childhood when nervous that her husband, Tseng, was trying to get her to stop.

"....Fuck..Fuck, I'll right, I'll tell Tseng what's going on, you make sure for the time to keep the kids from figuring out what's going on."

"Of course, please, find them, Reno.", they hung up and she glanced from her phone to the mini red head, hoping the boy didn't find out something happened to his other parent. But, Lea was a very smart and observant child and she he would find out what was going on soon.

Reno and Rude walked into the red head's apartment and immediately their senses were on edge, something was wrong, "Baby Doll?", bright blue eyes narrowed as they glanced around then down the hallway. He turned to his partner, "Check the kitchen, I'll get the living room.", Rude went to the kitchen and he walked into and around the living room. Reno saw the half done laundry on and around the couch, but nothing else seemed out of place, until he saw something sparkle beside the picture of his family. Picking it up, he nearly had a heart attack when he saw it was (Name)'s wedding band, "Fuck..Rude!", he ran into the kitchen, and showed Rude the ring.

"Shit..this is a problem."

"No shit!", he placed the ring in his pocket then ran down the hall to their room, "(Name)?!", he looked in the closet, in the bathroom, even under the bed. As he went to check his son's room, Rude walked into the bathroom and saw the pill bottle. Picking it up, he walked back out and met his partner in the hallway.

"Reno, have they been taking their medication?"

The red head run a hand through the his already messy hair, "uh, yeah, I've been making su-", his eyes widened when he remember what happened a few months ago, "FUCK! I should have taken them to the ShinRa doctors as soon as Lea told me they were having headaches.", headaches were the first sign that the medication was beginning to stop working, then seeing or remembering things, and last it was having the urge to stopping taking the pills altogether and then remembering everything.

Reno looked at his partner, "Call Tseng, tell him we have a Code: Runaway. I gotta go see Lea, make sure he's okay."

"Got it, partner.", Rude pulled out his phone and dialed up his boss as Reno went to Li Mei's place.

They wouldn't catch you for half a year.

[iamtrebleclefstories]

I Believe in Second Chances - Part 5

Things are a little different this time around

Or the story where Alex dies while on his way to stop Jo from reading the letter he sent. Somehow, he gets a second chance

Hi! I am so sorry this took so long to update, but I have started planning the following chapters which will hopefully make it easier to update more frequently.

(i definitely wrote this instead of studying for finals whoops)

If you haven’t read part 4 yet, you can find it here

—Part 5—

The next few weeks played out very differently than they had in his previous life. Since waking up in this timeline, the Alex everyone knew went from a manwhore who couldn’t go more than two days without sleeping around to a caring, attentive guy that had everyone scratching their heads in confusion. There had been multiple moments where Meredith, Jackson, Callie, Cristina and even Bailey had given him strange looks due to changes in behavior. They were especially freaked out when they noticed his newfound friendship with a certain intern. 

“So… are you guys a thing now or what?” Callie asked as they walked into the attendings lounge, mugs of coffee in each of their hands. “I’m just trying to figure it out because I’m not really sure what to say to people when they ask.”

“If people ask, just tell them to stay the hell out of my business,” Alex took another sip of his coffee. “We’re just friends.”

“Oh come,” Callie gave him an unimpressed look. “I know you like her. Why don’t you just make a move already? It’s been a month since you met.”

“Because I want to do this right,” Alex sighed and thought back to the way things unfolded the first time. “There are some things I’m trying to avoid, so I need to show her who I am first. She needs to trust me and like me before I do anything about it.”

“I can’t believe you’re actually trying to impress this girl,” Callie took a long swig of her coffee. “Sure, she’s hot and funny, but what’s so special about her? Because you look at her like she hung the moon and stars.”

“She’s just…” Alex shook his head and vaguely remembered the words he’d said to Cristina over seven years ago. “There have been a lot of girls since Izzie. A lot of nobodies. But this girl isn’t a nobody.”

“Who are you and what have you done to Evil Spawn?” Cristina’s voice startled Callie and Alex as she walked into the attendings lounge. “Are you in love? Is Alex in love?”

“Alex is in love?” Meredith raised her eyebrows as she followed Cristina into the lounge. “Is it that intern he’s been hanging out with? Jo Wilson? If so, Avery owes me twenty bucks.” 

“Why does Avery owe you twenty bucks?” Bailey asked as she joined the rest of them. 

“Alex is in love with his intern,” Callie supplied, ducking as Alex threw a paper ball in her direction. “Hey! What, it’s true. You can’t even deny it.”

“No offense Karev, but don’t you think she might be a little out of your league?” Bailey wondered out loud, an amused expression on her face. 

“She’s definitely out of my league,” Alex replied. Realizing that he wasn’t going to get rid of their prying questions any time soon, Alex decided to give them a straight answer. “Look, she’s different okay? We have a lot of stuff in common and she gets me more than anyone I’ve ever met. I don’t think I’ve ever opened up to someone as much as I have with her. She’s also a bit squirrelly—not that it’s her fault—and she’ll run if I get too serious too fast, so I’m being patient and taking it slow so I don’t freak her out.”

“Are you feeling okay?” Meredith blurted out. “Because I swear you do not sound like Alex Karev right now.” 

“You guys suck,” Alex stuck his tongue out at the women and moved to get up. “I’m going to get ready for rounds.”

He left the lounge and started to make his way down to the intern locker room. As he neared the door, Alex heard some comotion inside.

“Oh my God, you like him!”

“You are so into him. Don’t even try to deny it.”

“Look! She’s blushing!”

“Guys, stop it!” Jo’s hushed the three women who had been interrogating her. “Okay, yes fine. I like him, but I’m not going to go around acting like some crazy, desperate girl like Leah—no offense.”

“None taken,” Leah shook her head. “Seriously though, you like Karev? I mean, I get the attraction. Both Heather and I slept with him and it was fantastic, but you actually like him? As a person?”

“I know you guys probably think I’m crazy, but yeah I do. I know everyone sees him as this jerk who only cares about getting into someone else’s pants, but he’s different from what everyone thinks. When we hang out and drink beer at Joe’s or at his house, he’s different. He’s funny and kind and charming. You know he bought a couch so that I could crash if I’ve had too much to drink and can’t drive home? Douches don’t do that,” Jo released a breath and shrugged. “Also, you should see him with his patients. Kids can see right through people and they love him.”

“Jo Wilson, you are smitten,” Stephanie teased as a wide grin appeared on her face. 

“Why don’t you ask him out?” Heather suggested. “You’re both comfortable being alone together. But instead of it just being two friends hanging out, make it a date.”

“I don’t know,” Jo answered hesitantly. “I’m not even sure if he feels the same way. Besides, he’s my boss.”

“Oh screw it,” Leah rolled her eyes. “He’s so into you.”

“He’s definitely into you. Trust me, I know,” Shane looked over to the girls, shutting his locker and leaning against it.

“How do you know?” Jo raised an eyebrow. 

“I just do,” Shane crossed his arms. “I was sworn to secrecy, but all I’m going to say is that the attendings talk during surgery.”

“He talks about you!” Heather gasped. “As if the way he looks at you isn’t enough proof.”

“Oh yeah, any time you walk into a room his eyes follow you around with this awestruck glint in them,” Stephanie giggled. “Go for it, Jo.”

“I want to, but… I didn’t come here to get into a relationship or be tied down to someone. I have baggage that no one deserves to be burdened with, much less him,” Jo looked down sadly. “I’ve been burned in the past. I don’t want to open that possibility up again.”

Shane rolled his eyes, “That’s not an excuse to keep yourself from being happy.”

Sensing they were done talking—and feeling a hell of a lot of pride hearing that Jo was already interested in him so soon—Alex waited a couple seconds before popping his head into the locker room and scanning it for Jo, “Wilson! We’ve got surgery in 20. Let’s go!”

Jo’s eyes widened as she scrambled to grab her things. She did her best to ignore the stares and winks her friends were giving her as she followed Alex out the door. 

“Hey, how was your day off yesterday?” Alex asked as they stepped into the elevator. 

“It was nice. A little boring, but I slept past ten in the morning,” Jo grinned.

“Ah, you always did love to sleep in,” Alex muttered to himself.

“Huh?” 

“Nothing, just—I figured you’re one of those people who would rather sleep in,” Alex tried to save his little slip up. “I am, too.”

“You see that’s why we get along so well. I’d never be able to work with a morning person before nine in the morning because I think I’d punch them in the face,” Jo tilted her head in thought.

“You and me both,” Alex chuckled. “Pretty sure I yelled at Kepner one too many times during residency.”

“But she’s so nice,” Jo wrinkled her face in confusion.

“Exactly.”

Jo laughed in response, making Alex’s heart pick up a bit. He loved hearing her laugh. It was probably one of his favorite things about her. He remembered their wedding day and the way she laughed so brightly and contagiously when they realized that they had had sex in a shed with a corpse lying there. If there was one thing that Alex was determined to do this time around, was to replace all the times he’d made her cry to laughter. 

“So, what’s the surgery today?” Jo asked, breaking him out of his thoughts. 

“Oh, um we’re performing a splenectomy on eight year old, Jalen Brown. He’s got hemolytic anemia and needs his spleen removed,” Alex informed as they walked into the scrub room. “I’m gonna go talk to him before we start.” 

Alex walked into the OR and up to the operating table, smiling as he looked down at the kid laying on it, “Hey buddy. We’re going to do the surgery now. This doctor over here is going to give you some medicine that is going to help you sleep so that you won’t feel a thing. When you wake up, you’re gonna be a little sore, but that’s normal. You’ve got this, okay?”

“Okay, Dr. Alex,” Jalen nodded timidly. “Can you hold my hand while I go to sleep?”

“Sure, thing kiddo,” Alex grabbed one of Jalen’s hands and gave it a reassuring squeeze. “Now, count backwards from ten for me.”

“Ten, nine, eight, seven, six…”

Nodding at the anesthesiologist, Alex walked back towards the scrub room where Jo was staring at him curiously. Alex raised an eyebrow, “What?”

“Nothing,” Jo shook her head. “It’s just… you’re really great with kids.”

“Well, I’d hope so. My job kind of depends on it,” Alex flashed her a crooked grin. 

“Obviously,” Jo rolled her eyes and began to scrub. “What I mean is that you make them feel comfortable around you. That’s something I’ve noticed since we became friends. You make people feel safe.” 

Alex stared at Jo for a moment, pausing in his scrubbing. He was grateful that he’d already pulled his mask over his face so that she couldn’t see the look he was giving her. Because, that just might’ve been the highest compliment he could’ve received from Jo. He knew how significant it was that Jo already felt safe around him. There were very few people in this world that made her feel safe and secure, and at this point in her life, he was pretty sure that he was the only one on that list. The people on that list wouldn’t expand for a few more years. 

Alex’s face softened and all he could do was smile underneath his mask at the woman standing beside him, “Thanks.” 

They’d been in surgery for a little while already when one of the nurses answered a page, “Dr. Karev, you’re being paged to L&D for a pediatric patient who’s having a high risk baby. It’s urgent.”

“Crap,” Alex mumbled to himself. Today was the day that he and Jo would meet the girl who abandoned her baby in the hospital. Sighing, Alex looked over at Jo. “Can you check that out for me? I’ll be in there as soon as I can.”

“Yes. Of course,” Jo nodded and promptly stepped out away from the operating table and proceeded to scrub out. 

By the time Alex finished up with his surgery, Jo had paged him multiple times to hurry. He met Jo in the hallway as she ran with an incubator towards the NICU, “Newborn with a CDH. I intubated him but the SATs are still low.”

“It could be pulmonary hypertension,” Alex looked up at Jo as they continued to rush towards the NICU. “Have you ever hooked a baby up to ECMO before?”

“I never intubated a baby before five minutes ago,” Jo replied, eyes wide.

“Okay, we hook up catheters into his neck, pump his blood into the ECMO machine, which puts in oxygen and takes out carbon dioxide. Then it cycles it all back in,” Alex explained as they finally entered a procedure room. 

They set up everything quickly and Alex coached Jo through how to hook up with catheters and get the machine going, “You’re doing great. You isolated that jugular and carotid, avoided the vagus nerve, and now you need to put in a venous drainage cannula.”

Suddenly the machines started beeping. Jo looked up at them before frantically turning back to Alex, “I didn’t even—“

“Switch with me,” Alex traded places with Jo swiftly. “He’s coding. You need to do CPR while I hook him up to ECMO.”

“At the same time? How will that work?”

“You need to start compressions now,” Alex instructed and proceeded to hook the baby up to the machines. “Stop… Go… Stop… Go… Stop… Keep going…”

Some time passed when Jo finally spoke again, “How long have we been going?”

“Twenty minutes.”

Seconds later, Arizona walked into the procedure room, “Hey. I heard you had a crash ECMO. You need my help? You want me to take over?”

Alex smiled to himself slightly. He kept forgetting that he was only supposed to be a fellow that was still learning certain surgical procedures, “No. I’m just connecting the circuit… okay. Initiate bypass.” Alex held his breath for a moment and then released it. “We did it. Son of a bitch.”

“It seems like only yesterday I was showing you how to do your first pulmonary hypoplasia,” Arizona smiled. “I hope you’re taking notes, Wilson. He’s one of the good ones.” 

Jo looked back and forth between Arizona and Alex before letting out a breath, “So, what’s next?”

“Well, now that he’s hooked up to ECMO, the baby has to be monitored 24/7. We have a long day and a long night,” Alex looked up from what he was doing to make eye contact with Jo. “You might want to go grab a power nap, princess.” 

“Ugh, really Alex? Again with the whole princess thing?” Jo rolled her eyes. “I thought we agreed to forget about that.”

“Hey, I wasn’t the one who said it. It was little Briana Ewell who said you looked exactly like Belle from Beauty and the Beast. I just so happened to agree,” Alex shook his head. “I don’t know why you’re so hung up on it. Most people would take that as a compliment.”

“It’s embarrassing,” Jo explained with wide eyes. “I don’t need people thinking I got to where I am today because I’m pretty and it was handed to me or that I slept my way to the top. I worked hard to get here.” 

“No one ever said you didn’t,” Alex paused. “But for the record, if anyone ever does, tell them to come find me and I’ll set the record straight.” 

“Oh, no way,” Jo laughed. “We do not need you doing something stupid like going and ‘protecting my honor’ or whatever.” 

“Just go take a nap.” 

***

“You sure you’re not asleep with your eyes open? You’ve been staring at that kid for an hour.” 

“She didn’t even want to see him. She cared more about her best friend’s stupid pizza party than seeing her child,” Jo’s face wrinkled in disbelief. In the before, Alex had made some insensitive comments about how she couldn’t possibly relate to the young girl’s story. This time instead of interrupting, he allowed her to continue. “I just… I don’t understand how you could care about a party more than the baby you’ve grown to know and love for the past nine months. How could you not want to see that baby and hold it and love it? A baby who has no fault in the decisions you made that led you here. Why bring that baby into the world in the first place if you don’t even care enough to sit by it’s bedside when it needs you the most.” 

Alex stood there in silence, unknowing what to say. This definitely had not happened last time. In the before, Jo hardly ever expressed her feelings about being abandoned by her mother until after she’d met her. These feelings though, made it clear to him that Jo had been contemplating whether she was worthy of existing long before finding out about how she was conceived. 

Sensing Alex’s surprise at her small outburst, Jo reached a hand out to touch the baby’s hand, “I’m sorry. I just can’t imagine what could be more important than your kid. If my baby were in the NICU, I would never leave it’s side. Not for a single moment.” 

“It sounds like there’s a story there,” Alex raised his eyebrows slightly. “If you ever feel like sharing it, you can trust me.” 

Jo took a deep breath, “I had a crappy childhood.”

“Me too,” Alex confided. He didn’t want to push her, but he knew that she might feel more compelled to open up if he shared first. “My dad was an abusive junkie and my mom was schizophrenic. So, when I was a kid, I became the parent to my younger siblings. I got them ready for school and made them food and helped with homework. I ran interference for my parents, I kept everyone safe, I took the beatings my mom and siblings were supposed to get. I even stole cars and food to make sure my siblings were taken care of. Someone must’ve reported it, because one day these people showed up and took us away for a few years. We got separated and I ended up with a whole bunch of foster parents who didn’t give a rat’s ass about me. Then at some point, I ended up in juvie. It’s a miracle I am the man I am today. Sure, I’ve got my flaws, but I never would’ve thought I’d become this.” 

“My mother left me at a fire station when I was two weeks old,” Jo started quietly and watched as the small child wrapped his tiny hand around her finger. “I got bumped around foster homes until I was sixteen when I took matters into my own hands and started living out of a car. I parked it behind the gym of my high school so I could sneak in and use the showers before class. My home ec teacher--Ms. Schmidt--she’d let me do my laundry there for free.” Jo laughed slightly. “Everyone asks me how I got into Princeton and Harvard while living in a car. They’d say mean things and start rumors that I’d slept with the admissions staff to gain entrance into their programs. But I got into good schools because I worked my ass off. And when I walked across that stage at graduation, I didn’t have a cheering section filled with family. I had one person, Ms. Schmidt.” 

Jo felt a tear run down her cheek and swiped at it quickly, “This little guy here just came into the world a few hours ago and he’s sick. All he needs is his mother. But she’s too busy talking to her best friend about pizza and cupcakes to even hold his hand. He didn’t do anything to deserve this. He doesn’t deserve to feel alone.”

“He isn’t alone,” Alex shook his head and reached over to squeeze Jo’s free hand. “He has you and me and the nurses. Who knows? Maybe he’ll be okay. But for now, we just got to make sure he’s strong and well-taken care of, okay?”

“Okay.”

***

It was alright for the most part. The little guy pulled through the night and was doing okay. Not that Alex doubted he would pull through. After all, the kid lived in his past life, so he figured that he’d make it this time around too. What wasn’t alright was that today was the day that this girl would abandon her baby with the help of her mother.

It was happening right now actually. As Alex was walking down the corridor, he could hear Jo’s voice rise in volume, “Woah, woah, hey! Hang on. You can’t just leave. You have a baby. She has a baby upstairs. He’s one day old.”

“Yeah,” the girl replied. “And he’s all messed up.”

“So you’re just gonna... You can’t--you can’t abandon him! No! You can’t! No!” Jo placed herself in between the elevator doors, blocking their exit. “No!”

“Let me on,” the girl’s mother frowned. 

“No!”

“You don’t wanna mess with me,” the woman growled.

“You don’t wanna mess with me,” Jo countered. The woman grabbed Jo by her scrubs, causing Jo to react and push her against the elevator. “No, stop. You can’t abandon that baby! You can’t do that!”

“Get off me!”

“No!” Jo shouted. 

“Let her go,” the teen girl trying to get in between Jo and her mother. 

“No!”

“Hey! Let ‘em go,” Alex came and pulled Jo off of the woman. “Let them go.”

Jo turned and glared at Alex angrily as the elevator doors closed, allowing the two women to escape. Seething with anger, Jo yanked herself out of Alex’s grasp and ran down the hall. 

Knowing that she would need a few minutes to calm down, Alex waited before going to look for her where he knew she’d be. He found her lying on a gurney in the tunnels he’d introduced her to a few weeks ago. It became their spot where they’d go to meet up and talk, hang out, or have lunch together.” 

“Look, I know this hit home for you and it sucks, but you can’t go around assaulting patients.”

Jo let out a sharp breath, “She was abandoning her baby.”

“I know,” Alex jumped up onto the gurney and motioned for her to scoot over so he could lie down next to her. He laid on his back and grabbed one of her hands, making comfortable circles on the back of her hand. 

“I’m just… I’m so angry,” Jo sobbed, the tears finally winning. “How can she not love him? I loved my baby so much even though I only knew about him for a couple weeks.” 

“Wait what?” Alex was confused. In all the time he’d been with Jo (both past and current timeline Jo), he’d never heard anything about a baby. “You had a baby?”

“No, well yes, but no,” Jo shook her head, tears still running down her cheeks. “I’m sorry. I’m not making any sense, right?” Jo paused, unsure if she should share this part of her story. She was nervous. What she was about to tell Alex, she’d never mentioned to a single soul before. “Years ago, I was pregnant. But the father wasn’t a good guy. I wanted to keep the baby, but it became more and more clear that if I did, it would never be safe. My life was too complicated and dangerous to raise a child. So, I went to a clinic all by myself and had an abortion. And I cried the whole time, because I had started picturing all of these wonderful things about what my baby would look like and be like. I fell in love with my baby. I wanted my baby. I loved my baby. But my greatest act of love was ensuring that it would never have to go through what I went through. I was a mom to that baby for less than five weeks and I loved it more than this girl ever loved her baby... I’ve never told anyone that before.”

Alex laid there in silence for a moment. He was surprised that Jo mentioned this experience she had, especially when she still hadn't brought up Paul yet and it was so early on in their friendship. The Jo from the before had always been very reserved when it came to sharing about her experiences with Paul. She continually attempted to pretend like it never happened rather than face it fully. She’d been through hell and it was understandable. So, hearing that Jo had had to have an abortion back while in her abusive marriage made Alex want to cry. 

He reached to wrap his arm around Jo’s shoulder and pulled her close, placing a light kiss on her forehead, “Jo. You have one of the biggest hearts I have ever seen. Despite everything you went through, you became kind and strong and loving. I know this hurts and I’m so sorry you had to go through all of that. But I promise, this baby will not be like you. We will get him into the database and we’ll get a social worker down here and we will make sure this kid gets a good home.” 

“You promise?”

“Yeah I promise.”

***

“Hey Alex!” Jo called out as she made her way to the parking lot. 

“Hey, what’s up?” Alex asked. 

“Nothing’s up… I just, I wanted to say thank you earlier today. That case was extremely difficult for me, but you helped me be okay. So, thank you.” 

“You’re welcome,” Alex cracked a small smile. “I told you it would work out. Those parents fell in love with him. He’s going to be okay and live a very happy, full life.”

“Yeah,” Jo sighed slightly. “I guess you were right. I’m glad that he’s got people.”

“So do you,” Alex took one of Jo’s hands in his own. “You’ve got to stop acting like you don’t have people. You’ve got people. You’ve got me. Don’t forget that.”

And although she’d been told those words in the past, for the first time in her life, she believed them.

[bipercabeth]

👀 anything + "does it still hurt to think about?"

(happy birthday alyssa i love u!!!) 

this is a bellarke fic so let’s pretend it’s on my sideblog and call it a day. s7 compliant until 7x10. then i do what i want. 

It all happens so fast. 

Bellamy comes back, ragged and worse for wear but alive. He and Echo meet an abrupt, messy end Clarke doesn’t catch the details of. And somehow, inexplicably, Clarke ends up alone with Bellamy in Octavia’s quarters while the others recuperate. 

Part of her longs to be with them—making plans, gathering information, maybe trying MCAP to crack Bellamy’s stubborn memories—but loyalty and guilt keep her rooted in place. It’s stupid to think she could’ve prevented Bellamy from being taken in the first place, but still. She should’ve been there. She should’ve known sooner. 

“Stop thinking so loud,” Bellamy calls from the bathroom. 

It earns a laugh in the way only Bellamy can. Laughter has been scarce lately. It always seems to be when they’re apart. 

She pushes the door open and leans against the frame, making eye contact with Bellamy in the mirror. He’s frowning, running his fingers through the long beard he grew on Etherea. Clarke wonders how much time he’s lost. At least she knew the number of days she spent in Eden. It’s a cruel trick of the universe to steal more time after everything it’s put them through. 

“How’d you know?” she asks. 

He shrugs. “I still know you.” 

He says it like it’s inevitable. This man has no memory of the past several months to years of his life, but he knows when Clarke Griffin is overthinking based on her silence alone.  

“Can I ask you something?” 

Clarke smiles. “Anything.” 

He turns to her, scissors in hand. “Will you cut my hair?” 

She takes in his unruly waves, which are nearly as long as her own. “I don’t know, I kind of like matching.”

“Just take the damn scissors, Princess.”

Clarke’s hand freezes, her fingers ghosting over Bellamy’s. It takes all she has to curb the shock from her face, but she doesn’t manage to suppress her smile. “Been a while since you called me that,” she says lightly. She drags a chair from the corner and motions for him to sit. 

She busies herself ruffling his hair. “How short?” 

“Like it was before?” 

It makes sense, wanting to return to who he was and how he looked before this. It’s not Clarke’s favorite cut, but she can do it. She measures the length out with her fingers. “Here?” 

“No, before. On Earth.” His voice is heavy with significance. Clarke learned long ago not to put words in Bellamy’s mouth, but she can almost hear him say with you at the end of that sentence. 

She swallows. “I can do that.” 

She works in comfortable silence, chopping off the longest parts before shaping up the rest. Bellamy’s gaze burns into her through the mirror, but she can’t bring herself to meet it. Regardless of how fun it would be to make fun of him with half his head shaggy, all Clarke can think about is how he’ll look when she’s done. The Bellamy she imagined for six years in Eden is about to be in front of her. That takes some priority. 

Six years of cutting her own and Madi’s hair has made Clarke something of an expert. Before she knows it, Bellamy is halfway back to himself, save the beard. 

It’s a bit shorter than before, she thinks as he looks in the mirror. Despite her experience, she hasn’t done a cut like this. A slight miscalculation meant she had to take in the sides a bit more than she’d have liked, but it works for him. She thinks most looks would, even the caveman thing he has going on on the lower half of his face. After all, it’s Bellamy. 

Bellamy’s responding grin is somewhat hidden under the beard, but Clarke sees it in his eyes. He tips his head back against her chest as she fusses and fluffs the front with anxious hands. “Looks good, Princess.” 

There he goes with that nickname again. This time Clarke can’t hide the way her hands still. 

“You haven’t called me that in 131 years.” 

Bellamy frowns, as if to protest, but quickly devolves into distress and confusion. “I don’t think that’s right. I think I called you that when I was... wherever I was.” 

The amount of baggage to unpack in that statement alone almost shuts Clarke down. She can’t look at him. 

Instead she moves to the medicine cabinet, distracting herself with the need to get rid of that horrific beard. “Does it still hurt to think about?” 

“When I push too hard, yeah. Sometimes the memories are buried so deep it feels like someone is bashing against my skull. Sometimes I can feel them, even if I don’t know what they mean. I’m just drawn to certain things. I think that means they were important to me there.” 

“Like what?” 

“You.” 

When Clarke’s breath stutters and she looks at Bellamy, she only finds quiet resolve. 

“I may not remember it, but there’s no way I was stranded like that and didn’t think about you. And when I came through the Anomaly, that was the one thing that stayed with me. Just you.” 

“I know how you feel. After Praimfaya...” Clarke feels her cheeks heat. “Well, you know how I got through it.” 

The misery of all the times fate has ripped Bellamy away climbs in Clarke’s chest, propelling her back to the medicine cabinet where she finds shaving cream and a straight razor. 

Bellamy’s face changes in an instant, morphing from something wistful and longing to his signature Big Brother face. 

“Why is there a razor in my little sister’s room?” 

Clarke simply smiles. “Little?” 

“I don’t care how long she spent on Penance. She’s my baby sister,” he groans. “Besides. I could still be older.” 

He moves to take the razor from Clarke, but she holds it close. “Can I?” 

“I can shave myself, Clarke.” 

“I know, but—” The misery climbs up her throat, now— “I thought I lost you.” 

That softens him. He leans back and offers himself to her. “All yours.” 

There isn’t much room for talking after that. Clarke wets his beard and rubs in some shaving cream, thankful for the towel she wrapped around him before she started this whole process. She doesn’t want to see him in the stiff Bardo robes or the parka he made himself on Etherea. Here, in the Henley she recognizes from before he left, he is almost her Bellamy again. 

“Have you ever done this before?” he asks as she lines up the blade with his sideburn. 

“No,” she admits. “But I have steady hands.” 

They’re less steady with body heat radiating in the space between Clarke’s body and Bellamy’s, but she won’t tell him that. 

The first swipe is a series of careful tugs with her left hand, assisted by her right holding his skin. Each inch reveals constellations of the freckles she so dearly missed. 

Clarke watches his face as she tosses the hair and wipes the blade. He meets her with unwavering trust as she brings the blade back to his skin, this time with more confidence. With each pass, the man she loves comes back to her. 

Bellamy’s cheekbones are easy, all sharp lines and simple angles. It’s one thing to watch the freckles bloom on his cheeks and another entirely to feel his breath ghost her fingertips as she takes off his mustache. Her fingertip traces the scar on his lip without thought or caution. Her eyes follow. 

Next comes the divot in his chin, freed at last. Clarke rests her thumb there to tilt his head back for the final strokes along his neck. He’s all trust in her gentle hands. He always has been. It becomes them, same as love. 

Love lives in Clarke’s hands as she holds his neck, feeling his muscles jump with anticipation. They have never let themselves get this close, and now she understands why. Clarke has been so strong for so long, but Bellamy is her undoing. 

“All done,” she breathes. 

He sits up, but Clarke is frozen in place. Her blade hovers near Bellamy’s throat while her hand cups the other side. A single drop of blood gathers where she nicked his upper lip earlier. She has the ridiculous urge to kiss it away. 

“Been a while since I saw you bleed,” is all she can say. 

His breath is warm on her lips. “I don’t think it’s been a while since I bled.” 

“I’m sorry I wasn’t there to patch you up.” 

“You were,” he assures her.

“Bellamy, I...” 

“Yeah,” he eases the razor away and lets it clatter to the ground. “Me too.” 

The dam breaks, unleashing a flood of emotions Clarke never dreamed she would allow to surface. Bellamy’s hand tangles in her hair, and it’s unclear who pulls the other in first, but that doesn’t matter because his lips are on hers after centuries of waiting. She throws a leg over his lap and straddles him, her caution drowned in the wake of passion.

They part too soon for Clarke’s liking, but Bellamy’s hands stroke her back idly, like he has all the time in the world to touch her, and all that matters is that they get that time. They have seen the world end countless times, but it is reborn with each second Bellamy looks at Clarke like he looked at the sky that first day on Earth: joyful, disbelieving, reverent. 

“I never thought I’d get this,” he pants. 

“Me?” 

“Happiness.” He says it like it’s the same thing. 

Clarke kisses him for it, half because he’s sweet and half because she can. 

Their love has eclipsed entire planets, even outlasting the one where it was born, but he has always been Earth to her. The final journey home. Joy. 

And joy tasted better on Earth. 

[4birds-of-a-feather]

Chapter 27 - Wonder whose arms will hold you good and tight (when it’s exactly twelve o’clock that night) [part 3]

Birds Of a Feather

(In the previous chapters: after a wild match of a new game called I Have a Ball, the gang can finally start the party; among the guests there are Chris and Matt of Soundgarden, Layne and his girlfriend Demri and a couple of Mudhoney guys; to avoid an embarrassing situation, Sara suggests a game of Never Have I Ever which, despite Stone’s objection, is endorsed by several guests: now they can finally get to the heart of the party)

At this point the guests had basically split in three groups: some of them were stuffing their faces in the kitchen, others were dancing and listening to the music and some were taking their seats in a circle in the middle of the living room to play the game. “I can’t believe I’m doing this!” whined Stone as he sat down on the carpet “What did you plan for midnight? Musical chairs or broom dance?” “Stop complaining Gossard, nobody forces you to play if you don’t want to!” Cornell retorted to him and then went on “And actually I planned something great for midnight… you’ll see” “Should we be scared?” Layla wondered aloud as she noticed the devilish grin on Chris’s face. “Not much more than usual” Mike shrugged as he sat on the couch between her and Lukin. “Anyway, there’s no children games or grown up games: a game is a game, then it depends on how you play it” the girl explained then turned around immediately when she heard someone beside her open his mouth. “Yeeeah, and it depends on how much play you get” Elias spoke like he came out of thin air. “Elias?? Where have you been?” “When you grow up, I’ll tell you all about it, my darling one” the guy gave her a blatant wink “Let’s just say that it involved physical activity with a blonde bombshell…” “I didn’t know that indoor plants could be blondes...” “What do you mean, Mr. Cameron?” “I mean that, apparently, you have a thing for ficus plants and you also find ‘em incredibly blonde; I saw you sprawled between them half an hour ago, but I never took you for a-fuck, what’s the name?” “... Dendrophiliac?”  “Yes, exactly! Thanks, Layla, you’re an angel” the drummer flashed at Layla one of his sunny grins, while Elias began to whine. “Matt, what a low blow! I expected that from everybody in this room – except you and Ed, and look where my admiration for you has led me!” “... What kind of hippie freak are you, O’Reilly? Hell, going at it with a vegetable?! And it wasn’t even a carrot or a pickle, what is your damag-” Jeff had looked at him all perplexed, but he was fortunately interrupted by loud coughs made by Layla. “Soooo, everybody here knows the rules?” the girl asked, but was met by skeptical looks “Jeez, what kind of adolescence did y’all have?” “One that didn’t include fun, apparently” Elias shrugged, still licking his wounds after his previous skirmish with Matt. “Ok, I get it: first of all, grab the poison of your choice” and, as she said it, she filled herself a glass of tequila that had been previously hoarded in the middle of the circle with many other kinds of booze. Soon after Sara had shrugged and grabbed a bottle of beer, while Demri helped herself to a glass of sangria and then, one by one, everybody followed their example and was having something alcoholic clenched in their hands. “Very good” Layla cleared her throat “One by one, each one of us begins their sentence with ‘Never have I ever’ and then proceeds to say something they have never done; if you did the thing that has just been said, you have to take a sip of your drink” “Milady, you had my curiosity, but now you have my attention” Lukin declared, a hand upon his heart. “Now, this is the most important rule, so pay attention: you have to remember that the winners are the ones who have their glasses at their fullest” “... Layla, are you telling us that having a life as interesting as a sloth’s is the key to success?” Cornell scratched his temple, glancing at her in a perplexed way.  “I think she is” “Well, I have a question” Stone, unexpectedly, raised his hand “You talked about glasses, but many of us have chosen bottles, so it would take ‘em more time to empty that instead of a glass, right? Doesn’t that sound like a huge advantage to any of you?” “... he’s right, they have more booze to drink, that’s unfair!” Mike chimed in, pouting and waving his glass of whiskey in the face of everybody. “That’s not what I meant, Cready, lemm-” “But you can always grab another glass after you emptied the first, man! That’s what I’m gonna do” Lukin patted Mike on the shoulder, showing him his own glass of gin, and the guitarist returned to being his usual cheerful self. “Ok, so, who starts?” Layla asked, rolling her eyes. “Well, since you suggested the game in the first place, it’s only fair that you’re the one who goes first” Eddie answered gently. <The fact I’m also eager to know the things you did and didn’t do has got nothing to do with it, of course> “Oh, ok so ne-” the girl was answering but was immediately cut off by Stone. “Err-Ed, it was actually Sara who suggested it. Or the mysterious person she heard it from” “Huh? Oh yeah, you’re right, you go first, Sara” the singer admitted and mentally counted how many rounds were there before Layla’s turn. “Yeah, Sara, you can start” Layla winked at her friend and everybody else agreed but someone else chimed in again. “I have an idea. Why don’t we all drink a glass of something and the one who empties it faster starts?” McCready suggested.  “That’s what I call starting with a boom, I’m in, man! So 3… 2… 1-” Lukin immediately went along with him and brought his glass close to his mouth. “Nuh-huh, we’re gonna take it slow, it’s less funny if we all get drunk before the start” Layla innocently explained. “Now that’s not exactly true, miss” Lukin addressed the girl in a contrived way. “Everybody shut up! Sara will begin, end of the story” Stone took over and everybody simply agreed without further questioning. <Haha, I got the power> “Well, well, well” Sara tapped the bottle of beer against her lips “Never have I ever…” she stopped and looked Jeff directly in the eye “... got a love letter” Layla promptly gulped a sip of tequila, leaving Ed lost in his thoughts: he couldn’t believe that the Boston piece of shit could be able to make such a significant gesture. “Mikey, what the fuck are you doin’?” “Taking a sip, obviously” “... who wrote you a love letter? When did that happen?!” “My love life isn’t any concern of yours, Stoney” and, that said, McCready finally drank a bit of his whiskey, then turned to a pouty Lukin “Dude, why that sad face??” “...”  Lukin didn’t open his mouth because he was already near the stage of an alcohol-fueled coma, but Mike perceived his silence as a sign of possible discomfort and shame. “Don’t tell me that nobody ever wrote you a love letter!” he added, shocked “That is outrageous! But you don’t have to cry about it, if you want I’ll write you one” “... Elias, put that glass down; nobody’s gonna believe you” Stone changed his victim, who rolled his eyes but did as he had said. In the middle of all that noise, Demri and Layne shared a glance full of complicity and drank almost at the same time, while Chris and Matt clinked their glasses and unironically did the same. “Nobody specified if it had to be sincere or a bet would suffice as well, so…” Cornell smirked, then looked at Eddie, who hadn’t moved a muscle “Ed, you’re not drinking?” “Yeah, I-I’m usually the one who writes ‘em” the singer let out a nervous chuckle, then turned to the girl who was sitting next to him and that was muttering something under her breath “Everything ok, Sara?” The young woman’s gaze at Jeff was literal lava, ready to boil all over him. “That piece of shit… he doesn’t even have the balls to admit it, fuckin’ unbelievable” she snorted, then added in a loud voice “Somebody in this room is so full of shit it’s not even funny” When Jeff gave her a perplexed glance, she went on: “Yeah, I’m talking about you” “Man, what does she mean with that?” Elias went near the bassist in order to satisfy his curiosity, but the guy just shrugged. “She must have forgotten to take her medicine, you’ll get used to it” Jeff reassured him as he kept eye contact with Sara. <So what? Only because I’m lucky with girls, it doesn’t mean I gotta receive stupid love letters every day… And since when is this any of her business? Is she jealous? She fuckin’ hates me, how can she be jealous? And why does she fucking hate me anyway? Can’t we just have fun without problems for once?> Seeing the vein pulsing on her temple, Eddie put a hand on the girl’s arm: “Don’t mind him, you know how he is” he paused a second, then beamed with enthusiasm “Now it’s my turn!” “Who said that?” Stone asked after gazing from Sara to Jeff during their exchange like the spectator of a tennis match. “Well, we’re following the order…” Eddie explained pointing at Sara sitting next to him, then at himself, then towards Lukin and the other people sitting on the couch. “Who decided it’s counterclockwise?” Mike wondered. “How can you say cun- cou- caunt- county- oh fuck, how can you say that fuckin’ word when drunk?” Lukin tried to make a point. “Sadly not drunk enough, my friend” Mike wiped invisible tears from under his eyes while the bass player patted him on the leg. “Who cares if it’s clockwise or not, let’s go on!” Jeff huffed at Stone and flailed his arms, anxious to go on with the game, mostly to shift the attention on something else. “So – cough, cough! – can I?” Eddie hesitantly demanded. “Yeah, sure!” everybody prompted him to go on. “Ok so… uhm… never have I ever… got back with an ex” he said looking intently at the carpet beneath his feet. Some people drank, some people didn’t. Mike drank from his glass as Layla left hers untouched and gave him a puzzled look.  “Really, Mike?”  “What can I say? The soul is willing but the flesh is weak”  Layla nodded embarrassed and when she looked at Eddie, he looked down again pretending not to be staring at her, now acting preoccupied with his fingernails. <So she didn’t. But she wanted to. Does she still? She would be back with him already if it  wasn’t for the snow. It’s just a matter of time anyway… Shit, I should have asked ‘Never have I ever WANTED to get back with an ex’. I’ll wait for my next round... Will it be too obvious?> “Guess it’s my turn now” Lukin shrugged then stood up from the couch for no reason. “You don’t have to stand up to say the thing, Matt” McCready reminded him but he acted like he didn’t hear him. “Never have I ever… lied to a friend to avoid a greater evil” he stated then plopped back down on the couch with a burp. “Wait... this is a normal question” Jeff frowned as he, like everybody else, was expecting some senseless stuff. “Isn’t it alright?” Lukin asked and was about to stand up again, not without any effort, but Layla promptly pulled him down right away. “It’s alright, Matt, the question is perfect” she said and proceeded to drink from her glass. Steve, who hadn’t drunk in the first two rounds, did the same, just like Sara, Mike and literally everybody else. “Mikey, you basically did everything” Layne joked. <Yeah, finally something I actually did for real> the guitarist pondered and smiled. “Well, once I said I had troubles at home with my family and couldn’t make it to rehearsal. But I actually went to a party and got shitfaced” “YOU DID WHAT?” Stone and Jeff attacked him almost at the same time while the others just laughed. “You liar! And I was even worried about you” Stone shook his head. “You were worried only because you had paid to book the practising space in advance!” the other guitarist retorted, sticking his tongue out at him. “Do it again and I’ll bust your head wide open” Ament threatened pointing his finger at him. “You’re one to talk! Did you forget when you came late to soundcheck at the Off Ramp and said it was because of a jammed brake pad in your truck you had to check?” Mikey ironically asked “But what you actually had to check out was instead that girl from 7-Eleven?”  “YOU WHAT? GUYS, I’M SERIOUSLY DISAPPOINTED” Stone folded his arms and gave them both a scolding look. “Well yeah, I can understand Mike, but I thought you were more focused on art, honestly” Eddie chimed in with a shitty grin on his face. “Huh, not you too, please!” “What does it mean you can understand me? I’m focused on my art too” the guitarist acted offended “Sometimes you just need a break, you know?” “Come on, give Jeff a break! And you’re right Mike, don’t listen to them! It’s your turn now” Layla tried to bring peace in the gang and asked him to go on with the game. “Thank you, Four Eyes! It’s your turn, Judas” Jeff looked up at the girl, then stared at Mike with narrowed eyes. “Ok, so… uhm… never have I ever flown on a dragon” he said as he brought up his glass as if he was making a toast.  “Hahaha, shut up! That’s not valid, man” Elias blurted out laughing at the guitarist’s face, just like anybody else in the circle. “Why not? You shut up” “Err, Mikey, actually… I think Elias is right in this particular circumstance: you can’t make unreal statements” Layla scratched her head and tried to convince him without irritating him. “Oh sorry, Miss Boulais, I didn’t know this rule. I’ll come up with something else” McCready reassured her and Layla sighed with relief “Never have I ever… been to Mongolia” Everybody giggled and Layla facepalmed. Of course nobody drank. “Mike, the aim of the game is not drinking, you know that, right?” Layla whispered into his ear. “Don’t worry, I’ve got my strategy!” he winked at her and then asked the group before taking the umpteenth sip “So? Nobody? Ok, looks like I gotta drink then” “You seem to ignore other rules too though, did you know that?” Lukin broke the silence right when Layla was thinking about her statement. “Which rules?”  “Once you said your Never have I ever, you can’t actually change it… unless you take a penalty” Matt went on to explain and for a moment Eddie detached from the situation and observed the scene as an external spectator. <Two drunk grown men debating about the rules of Never have I ever, and it’s not even midnight> “He had to change it because it wasn’t valid, not because he wanted to change it himself” Chris pointed out. “Right, Chris, thank you! I love you man, did I ever tell you? Oh, and what was this penalty supposed to be anyway?” “Easy. You had to drink all player’s cups. But since you didn’t want to change it yourself…” Lukin shrugged and Mike suddenly sat straight up on the couch. “OH, BUT I WANTED TO!” “Haha, but you just said-” Layne chuckled at him while Demri muttered to herself she was expecting this comeback. “FORGET WHAT I SAID” “But Chris just said-” Cameron wanted to join in the fun too. “FORGET WHAT HE SAID, FUCK CHRIS, OK??”  “And he said he loved me!” Chris pretended to cry on his drummer’s shoulder and Matt patted his head. “Stop being an animal, Cready, and let Layla speak. It’s her turn” Gossard reproached him and Mike sulked like a child. “Ok so… mmm…” Layla collected her thoughts and then spoke in one single breath “Never have I ever led anyone to believe I liked them whereas I actually had a crush on their best friend and so was just leading this person on to get to their friend”  “This is… very specific, El” Sara squinted at her, trying to understand what her friend was up to. “It’s just an average game question” Layla shrugged but didn’t convince the other girl. <She’s a worse liar than Mike> Only Stone and Jeff drank, therefore getting a reproach from Layla herself. Ed didn’t drink and this was a sort of answer to Layla’s little suspects about him and her roommate. She smiled at him but was almost more shocked about someone else not drinking. “... Mike?” “Yes, babe?” “You didn’t drink” “Sure I didn’t. I’d never be such a jerk to a woman!” he replied with a disgusted face making everybody laugh, whereas Layla beamed and kissed him on the cheek. “Your kindness is stronger than your thirst, I’m impressed” “My turn now!” Elias yelled and everyone focused on him “Never have I ever… thought a friend’s mom, ehm, a friend’s parent was hot”  “Wow, a dirty question, who would have thought!” Sara rolled her eyes but also drank soon after.  “What??” her roommate was sincerely surprised.  “Well, that was really unexpected… color me impressed!” Steve grinned at her, raising his glass high in her honor. “Some dads are really something else, you can’t deny that” Sara justified herself and high fived Demri, who had just taken a sip as well “Let’s just say that this particular man made me re-evaluate the role of hideous Speedo swimsuits in society” “Amen, sister” Demri let out a loud cheer and patted her on the shoulder. “Are you really drinking?” Cameron gave Cornell a weird look. “Don’t you remember the story about Kevin’s mom?” the singer clarified. “Haha right, I forgot”  Mike drank but nobody was surprised. “Oh for fuck’s sake, Jeffrey!” Stone reacted sadly at Ament drinking from his cup. “You’re such a bigot” the bass player grinned broadly. “I’ll never let you anywhere near my house and my mother again”  “It’s not your mom that I find hot, don’t worry” Jeff tried to reassure him but got an unexpected reaction. “Why? What’s wrong with my mom?” “N-nothing, it’s just-”  “So you think my mom is ugly?”  “Not at all, Mary Carolyn is such a nice woman”  “Oh, so now you’re on a first name basis! Do you think you have a connection or something?” “No, you just said that-” “Keep your dirty hands off my mother!” “You’re all making it up. I only meant that-” “Jeff, you’re stuck in a vicious circle. The only way out is to drop the subject and make your Never have I ever statement, since it’s your turn. Trust me” Steve gave precious advice to Jeff, who nodded and focused on what to say.  “Never have I ever burnt bridges with somebody without any reason and without giving them the chance to explain themselves” “... Damn, Ames, you take no prisoners” Chris let out a low whistle, and the bassist shrugged, waiting for the inevitable glasses raised, but they never came. “Fancini, you ain’t thirsty?” he raised an eyebrow and received a middle finger as a reply. <Yeah, there was absolutely no fuckin’ need to hear ya explaining why the fuck you acted like an utter piece of shit – the reasons were all there, so you can put this bottle up your ass!> the girl thought, trying to ignore him. “Seems like nobody’s gonna drink this round, so… BOTTOMS UP!” Layne clapped his hands while Jeff stood up and emptied his cup. “I swear I wanted to say the exact same thing, I had it on the tip of my tongue!” Mike whined – he hadn’t taken a sip because he hadn’t totally understood what the hell his bandmate had said, but if that question had allowed him to gulp down his drink, then he was sure that it had to be something brilliant. “Well… seems like it’s your turn, Stoney!” Layla chirped, a bit in high spirits but with her hands steady, now intent on refilling Ament’s glass.  “Never have I ever avoided to face something important until the problems became bigger and uglier, so I regretted not doing anything about it before” Stone laid it out as simple as that without losing the smirk on his face, looking left and right at the bunch of friends. <That was pretty easy…> Gossard thought <This is not a New Year’s party, it’s a reunion of the Unfinished Business Club... Well, am I the one to talk?> When Stone and Layla made eye contact, the girl thought the question was directed right at her. Everybody knew about her ex boyfriend by now. What they didn’t know was that their relationship was over before the “Eddiegate” and way before she put an actual end to that. She’d always been aware that things weren’t good, that she was just too attached and insecure to let him go. <I chose an allegedly perfect boyfriend who was never actually there over dealing with actual people and the whole process of getting to know each other. I was so scared, and still am, that I’d rather not risk it and preferred a relationship that didn’t make sense anymore> At the same time Layla instinctively looked at her left towards Eddie and stole a quick glance of him knitting his eyebrows as if he was pondering something. He didn’t seem someone who would avoid obstacles to her, she couldn’t imagine him running away from problems, she liked him for being honest and straightforward. <Yeah, I do like him> she said as she figured out she had two reasons to drink and took a sip from her cup. As Stone spoke, for some reason Eddie’s mind immediately went to the mixtape he had sent over to them a few months earlier. All his feelings about his family, his mom, his dad, his stepdad, everything he had kept bottled up for so long and suddenly came out all at once. At times he thought it was too bad or too late, some other times he even believed there was still hope for him. It was always either black or white for him, nothing in between. And he started to think that maybe if he had addressed his issues before, his life wouldn’t be the rollercoaster of emotions it was.  <Thinking about roller coasters…> he said to himself as he looked towards the right and saw Layla drinking. Eddie saw the situation very clear for a minute. How could he blame her for trying to get in touch with her boyfriend again, when he did absolutely nothing about her in the meantime? He had never told her anything or asked her out, except for the failed attempt to go to the movies with her alone. Was it too late for that too or was there any hope left? In doubt, he drank from his glass too. Next to Stone, Jeff had let out a huge sigh and rolled his eyes: leave it to his best friend to pour some lemon and salt over the wound, then worsen the situation by twisting a rusted knife inside of it and letting it fester. He suddenly felt a great wave of fatigue washing all over him, and pinched the bridge of his nose because he had the feeling that a headache was behind the corner; it didn’t matter how many miles he had tried to put between himself and the first half of that particular year they were about to say goodbye to: the past had its ways to come back and bite you in the ass, and his nights spent by mulling over years and years of regrets and lost chances could prove it. Just thinking about Andy was still able to give him nausea, because his mind inevitably drifted to the last time he had seen him – hooked up to the machines, an unrecognizable empty shell where once had stood a bright young man, full of hopes and dreams bigger than his own life. Andy’s addiction had always been the notorious elephant in the room: everybody knew it was there, but nobody acknowledged its existence. They had tried to make him understand how serious his situation was – how jeopardizing it would have been for their careers – and, for a while, it had seemed to work: he had been sober for a few months and was positive about their future, confident about their imminent success. In the morning of that goddamn day he was supposed to go to the gym with him, but instead had called him to say that he didn’t feel good; his voice had been kinda scratchy, but Jeff had thought nothing of it – he was sick and didn’t need a nanny around, the day after he would have been good as new, that’s what he had told himself… that’s also what he had repeated to himself when he had stepped inside the hospital that same evening, cursing himself because he should have understood that something was wrong in his voice and it hadn’t been the sickness talking, but the heroin. He had also cursed Andy for throwing their jobs out the window, then cursed again himself for being a shitty human being who in that moment could only think of financial stability and not the fact that his friend wasn’t there anymore and that the lifeless corpse lying on the bed was a reminder of how nobody – not even the brightest fellows – in the end can save themselves. Now his thoughts drifted to the last New Year’s Eve party he had attended, where Andy had been gushing nonstop over The Miracle by Queen: he had been sober for a while and his eyes were literally sparkling while he talked about the English band’s latest single and eponymous album. Nobody could compete with the level of enthusiasm that Andy always showed when he talked about Queen – nobody, except maybe one person. Jeff raised his head and looked in front of him, where a pale-faced Sara was sitting with her legs crossed: even from his place he could see how in this moment her dark lipstick and metallic eyeshadow stood out on her face. <Avoided to face something important until the problems became bigger and uglier… regretted not doing anything about it before…> Stone had been a direct witness of how messed up he had become five years before, when he had spent a whole week being dead worried and then it had only taken Sara a few minutes to make his world crumble around him, but he didn’t think his friend would be capable of using that piece of information to gain some advantage in a stupid game… right? Unless Stone had suddenly developed some serious telepathic skills, it would have been simply impossible: after all, it was a conclusion he had come to just in the last few weeks, so the deliberate jab at him had to be ruled out. After more than five years, Jeff had finally convinced himself that yes, that infamous day he could have indeed done something more; he could have persisted, insisted to talk to her and demanded some explanations after she had told him to leave her alone forever because, apparently, he had ruined her life and there was nothing he could do to fix it. She had clearly been in distress and he had obviously noticed it but, foolish as he was, he had preferred to indulge her instead of pushing the subject further on and trying to understand how he could help her. Sara had always been a reserved person – one could say that she resembled a vault – but maybe, with the right words and intentions, he would have been able to breach her notorious armor of stubbornness and pride, and she wouldn’t have disappeared for so many years, or at least they wouldn’t have been in those horrible terms. Maybe. He let out a sigh and drank from his glass and, in that exact moment, the girl fixed her gaze on him and noticed that he was already staring at her; she wrinkled her nose and turned her face away, as to avoid his inquisitive gaze: the last thing she needed was someone trying to understand what was going on in her mind. <Fuckin’ Gossrad and his disturbed competitiveness…> He was referring to that goddamn July of 1985, she was sure of it; he hadn’t been there when the outburst had taken place but he surely had comforted Jeff after it: that’s how those two rolled, talking shit about each other but always rushing to the aid of the other one whenever something – someone – terrible had happened to him. And that’s what she had been for Jeff: something terrible – something terribly weird, irritating, plain stupid like only a teenager can be; something to laugh about with his friends, to parade around like a shitty trophy, to forget as soon as the game had ceased to be funny, along with his old fake-ass personality and behavior, and never again to be talked about. It didn’t matter if her heart clenched whenever he laughed because he still got wrinkles around the corners of his eyes, like he used to do… she had to bury that annoying buzz deeper, alongside their old selves – fake or not – that they had so meticulously killed.  No laughter or smile could carry the same meaning of five years before. She couldn’t be fooled: she was the first one whose eyes couldn’t smile anymore, no matter how broad the grins she displayed were. She also couldn’t care less if anybody – her aunt Liliana, Leo, even Eddie – told her that she needed help, that she couldn’t go on like this, always internalizing, always stifling what she really felt, always thinking she had to face everything on her own… they could keep on babbling, she was still the one who in the end got to make the decisions. <Ok, my whole life has been a perpetual avoidance of every fuckin’ problem until it has all become a majestic mess, and there isn’t a single day that passes without me thinking I could have done something better with my life… so what? Does this give everybody the right to tell me how I should or should not live? Don’t think so> The girl finally ended her internal monologue with a scoff and emptied her glass, without the slightest intention of making eye contact with anybody. 

[velkynkarma]

merry april fools day! what about a whump fic where Allura and Coran end up taking care of a bundle of sick humans in their paladins (plus whichever else of the humans are present on the Castle at the time)

You got it! This exists in a miraculous AU where Shiro didn’t die/disappear into the void, Keith still stays at the Castle, and the Castle still exists, because I Can. Also Kosmo is here for some reason, even though it doesn’t technically line up with any timeline. It’s silly sickfic, who cares about timelines, amirite?

———

Allura stares down at the box of recipe cards in her hands and wonders, not for the first time, how she got into this mess.

Well, she knows how, in the broad sense, at least. The team had liberated another planet to join the Voltron Coalition, and had taken part in a wonderful celebration the Kazenites had thrown in thanks. It had been a very nice party, actually. The food was positively divine, and the entertainment had been enjoyable. There had even been a parade, which had cheered Lance in particular immensely. Everyone had fun.

But the next day, everyone—well, almost everyone—had been bedridden, complaining of illness. And the symptoms were positively disgusting. Elevated temperature, mucus-filled noses that made breathing difficult, aches and soreness all over, harsh, wet coughs, and the...expunging of their innards. 

The discovery had been frankly revolting.

But Allura was fine. Even Coran, who was an older Altean gentleman, and more prone to some illnesses, remained equally unaffected. They aren’t sure what the cause is—food that humans couldn’t handle, or perhaps a local pathogen on Kazenar—but it seemed only those from Earth had been affected.

It at least meant they weren’t helpless. Allura could wormhole them away if they ran into significant Galra opposition, or handle a smaller force with Coran’s assistance, between the Castle and the Blue Lions. But it did leave the two of them with five humans to care for—a daunting prospect at the best of times.

“Chicken soup,” she murmurs, repeating the phrase Hunk had given her. “Chicken soup…” She frowns. “What exactly is a chicken, and why would one make soup out of it?” 

She wonders if it’s anything like the ‘cow,’ Kaltenecker. Perhaps they extract a liquid substance from these ‘chickens’ to consume as a health food.

The thought alone makes her feel sick to her stomach. She certainly hopes she won’t need to extract chicken-liquid. She will do it for her friends, if she absolutely must, but she does not look forward to the prospect. 

It truly is a pity that whatever this illness is, is resistant to both her healing abilities learned through alchemy, and the healing pods. Those were the first things they’d tried, when they’d realized the situation was serious. 

Unfortunately, the box of recipe cards Hunk had directed her to yields no answers. She had found the box in the kitchen easily enough. But the handwriting on each of the cards, presumably belonging to Hunk, is in a language she doesn’t recognize. She assumes this is some variant of Earthese, but she’s not familiar enough with the characters to be able to decode any of it.

She sighs in frustration, and sets the box on the counter, staring at the cards. Sadly, willing them to become legible doesn’t change anything.

“Why must it be chicken soup?” she mutters. “And why me?” 

Well...she knows the answers to those questions too, really. Coran had already tried to make a big batch of terskargal for the paladins, the moment he and Allura had discovered they were all sick. The scent brought back fond memories of old dinners, cozy mornings indoors during the cool season on Altea, and moments of comfort when she had been sick ten thousand years ago. 

Unfortunately, the humans had not taken to it so kindly. Shiro had reacted the most politely, in that he had simply said, “No thank you, really,” but his face had turned an interesting shade of green that Allura hadn’t thought non-camouflage based humans capable of. Lance and Pidge had been forced to suppress gags that had threatened to bring up whatever else might be in their stomachs. Hunk had thrown up, and asked why one would ever feed something that smelled so revolting to an ill person. Keith, by far the least affected of the group, had still threatened to throw his bowlful of terskargal out the nearest airlock. 

Needless to say, it had not gone over well for a number of reasons. Allura is a little offended that something so comforting to her and her culture could be rejected so blatantly out of hand. But then again, they do also drink cow secretion and think it is delicious. Human taste simply cannot be accounted for.

But it did mean the humans blatantly refused to eat anything prepared by Coran, and they did need nutrients while they were ill. Which meant Allura had been recruited for cooking some variant of human food, in addition to her other caretaking tasks. Coran had instead adjusted to laundering fresh bedding for the humans, and working in the infirmary to synthesize a medicinal cure their bodies could actually process safely.

There is just one problem: Allura is not a terribly skilled cook.

In her defense, cooking was never considered to be a necessary skill-set for an Altean princess. By her tutors’ own words, she had excelled in acceptable subjects—history, military tactics, diplomacy, dance, crystal engineering, etiquette, piloting, energy manipulation, and advanced weapons training in multiple disciplines. Cooking had never been one of those important duties. As a princess, she was expected to have cooks for that. 

Still, her friends are sickly, and she would like them to feel better. Sometimes, that means learning something new to heal, even if it is a monumental or difficult task. She will attempt to make this chicken soup, or die trying.

Even if it does mean milking a chicken. 

She shudders.

She’ll have to interpret the cards, though, before she can do anything. Pidge had a working knowledge of both the Earth language and Altean. But Pidge was also—if Plachu’s recent mental message was accurate—finally dozing after emptying the contents of her stomach into a bucket for the third time in the last varga. Allura doesn’t have the heart to wake her, not until she has some working chicken soup to offer. 

So she does the next best thing, and heads to the lounge to bother Keith instead.

Of the five humans, Keith’s illness is comparatively minor. Which is to say that he’s not throwing up as often as the others, and can maintain a coherent conversation without spinning off into delirious ramblings or passing out. Allura suspects his Galra heritage is giving him some degree of resistance to the illness, whatever it is. 

It means Keith has also been her and Coran’s on-call expert any time they need to ask a question about human physiology, or their requirements while ill. After the fifth time they’d knocked on his door to inquire about how much hydration was strictly necessary or which remedies were most common on Earth, he’d finally rolled out of bed and muttered, “I’m just gonna sleep on the couch in the lounge. Less walking for you.”

It had, admittedly, made things a little easier for her and Coran in the long run. So there was that.

Allura finds him in the same spot as before in the lounge, sprawled out lengthwise on one of the couches. Coran had supplied him with several extra pillows and blankets, along with the things they’d so far discovered were important for human health when ill: a pouch of water, and a metal basin for when they inevitably threw it up. Allura is thankful to see that the pouch of water is three-quarters gone, and the basin is completely empty. Cleaning those out is...not an entertaining process. 

It’s hard to tell if Keith is awake or not, as his head is currently sandwiched between two pillows. A light blanket covers him. So does Kosmo, who is sprawled out at full cosmic wolf length along the couch, wedged against the couch back and half on top of Keith. His long muzzle rests on Keith’s chest and his nose is buried in what is presumably a comforting fashion in the crook of Keith’s neck, just under the edge of the topmost pillow.

Allura can’t even begin to imagine how any of that is comfortable, but to each their own, she supposes.

Kosmo’s ears flick up as she approaches, and the wolf’s gleaming yellow eyes roll to the side to watch her enter the room. “Is he awake?” she whispers. 

Kosmo snuffs, and flicks one ear. 

She’s not really sure what she expected, really. They’ve had enough evidence to indicate the cosmic wolf is at least as intelligent as the average human being, but communication is not one of his strengths.

She sighs, but approaches slowly and gently nudges Keith’s shoulder. A congested, muffled snort sounds under the pillow, and then one of Keith’s arms slowly raises to peel it back. He stares blearily at Allura. “What’s wrong now?” he mutters, after a long moment.

“I’m sorry to wake you,” she apologizes. “However, Hunk has instructed me to make chicken soup. I’m not sure how to go about doing so, as the cards with the instructions aren’t in Altean.” And then, before she can lose the nerve to ask, “It won’t require me to milk a chicken, will it?”

Keith stares at her blankly for so long that Allura is afraid he’s grown as ill as the others. She’s been reliably informed that when human body temperature surpases a certain level of internal heat, human brain function can become unreliable. She’s already witnessed it in a few instances and can attest that it’s real. 

She’s about to feel Keith’s forehead—this is also, she’s been informed, a reliable way to measure human temperature without an instrument on hand—when he shakes his head. “No. No...milking chickens. Ew.”

That offers at least some relief. Allura lets out a breath she hadn’t realized she’d been holding. 

“Can you find the card for me?” Allura asks, offering him the box of recipe cards. “And translate it? I will do the rest.”

Keith grumbles under his breath, but dutifully starts to sit up after a moment. Kosmo helps by poofing off of his chest, and reappearing behind him, giving him a large cosmic wolf to help him sit upright against. “Alright. Fine.”

“Thank you,” Allura says gratefully. “I really did not wish to disturb your rest, but I did not see any other option.”

“S’fine,” Keith mutters, as he painstakingly opens the box of recipe cards, and starts flicking through them. It takes him longer than it should, which is a mark of the illness’ effect on him; Keith is normally quite dexterous and quick. The way he squints at each of the cards is certainly far from normal, too. “How’s everyone else doing?”

“Let me check.” Allura closes her eyes, and reaches out with her mental connection to her mice companions.

Keeping track of five human beings had proven a difficult task, especially with all of them ill to varying states, and with Allura and Coran required to perform multiple duties. To that end, Allura had come up with an alternative solution: assigning each of her mice friends to one of the paladins. With a mouse stationed in each room, the humans could be monitored consistently. If the mice thought there was a health concern, Allura could focus on that paladin immediately. 

Keith was the exception, stationed in the lounge. But he had Kosmo, and Allura figured the cosmic wolf would be intelligent enough to hunt her or Coran down in the event his master took a turn for the worse.

The check in with the mice yields results fairly quickly. Chuchule reports Shiro sleeping fitfully and waking repeatedly from bad dreams. They will need to find something to settle him so he can actually begin to rest and recover. 

Platt shares that Hunk is out of water again, which means Allura will need to stop by soon to replenish the fresh water packs. It is imperative the paladins stay as hydrated as possible or risk becoming sicker. 

Chulatt is of the opinion that Lance’s temperature has risen, which has been a problem with their sharpshooter all day. Allura will need to prepare another cold compress to try and help bring his temperature down again. 

Plachu reports no change from when Allura had checked in five doboshes ago. Pidge at least is thankfully still sleeping, although the basin she had been vomiting into will need to be cleaned out again. Allura can’t help but sigh.

Honestly. Human illness makes no sense. The slipperies make sense. Stomach parasites make sense. Quintessence weakness makes sense. Randomly becoming unable to breathe easily, overheating, and vomiting for this long, because of visiting a planet? Absurd. 

“The same as before,” Allura says, as Keith stops slowly flicking through the cards to give her his best attempt at an inquisitive look. “After you find the card and translate it for me, I will bring them new supplies, and then begin cooking.”

Keith nods slowly, and goes back to his task.

It takes him about five doboshes, but towards the back of the box he finally selects one card and tugs it out. “This one,” he says, and reads out loud, “ ‘Mama Hunk’s Homemade Chicken Soup Recipe, space-ified.’” 

“Excellent!” Allura claps her hands together once, and regrets it immediately when Keith winces at the noise. “I’m sorry, she says, contrite. “Please...just translate the instructions for me, and I will do the rest.”

She brings up a holographic screen linked to the Castle’s main database. Whatever she types up here she can easily reach back in the kitchen. She waits expectantly as Keith squints at the card, skimming it once. 

“Ingredients’re listed first,” he says finally. “One cup of rice or rice equivalent—”

Allura’s heart immediately sinks. “Wait. What?”

Keith blinks at her, then slowly looks back to the card. “One cup of rice or—”

“No, no, I heard you,” Allura says, a little helpless. “But...a cup? As in, a drinking cup, full of a food item? And what is rice?” 

Keith stares at her for a long moment. He blinks slowly, and Allura can almost hear his brain trying to process. Finally, he says, “This isn’t going to go as easy as you thought, huh.” 

Humans. She is great friends with them, she respects them for their adaptability and survival skills and potential to learn and create so much. 

But often, they simply make no sense. 

———-

Allura is forced to take a detour from that poor attempt at decoding chicken soup to deal with her patients.

She makes her rounds with the paladins, dragging a hovering tray with her piled with supplies. She plies them with fresh water and herbal teas and little crackers and cajoles them to at least try them, checks everyone��s temperatures (higher than they should be, but not too dangerous), and cleans out the basins. The last is a truly vile task, but a princess should never expect her people to do something she wouldn’t do herself, no matter how abhorrent. 

Some are better patients than others. Shiro wearily thanks her for her assistance and does his best to insist she doesn’t need to focus on him, which she politely disregards. Hunk is asleep by the time she arrives, somewhat thankfully, so he doesn’t have to hear what a debacle the chicken soup fiasco is. Pidge is mostly just happy to have the smell of her basin gone. Lance is possibly the worst; it takes Allura a full five doboshes to convince him to let her assist with a new cold compress and to measure his temperature, as he is, in his own words, “too ugly and gross to even look at right now.” 

By the time that exhausting task is done and she returns to the kitchen, Keith is there. 

He’s bundled up in one of his blankets and sitting haphazardly at one of the stools adjacent to the counter, with a pillow on said counter and his head flopped on the pillow. Kosmo sits dutifully by his side, attentive just in case his chosen human decides to pass out and collapse to the floor. 

“I can help you figure out the soup,” he mumbles into the pillow. He sounds half asleep, but his grayish eyes manage to meet Allura’s as she stares at him, bewildered. “Never made it, but I know what it’s supposed to look like. Kinda. It’ll...it’ll look different with space ingredients, but. Yeah.”

This is one of the most talkative moments she’s ever heard out of Keith, and yet simultaneously one of his more jumbled sentences. Still, Allura is impressed.

Impressed, but not so sure this is a good idea. “You should be resting,” she chastises.

“Shiro and the others need the soup,” Keith argues. It’s less heated than his usual arguments to search for or protect Shiro and the others, but this is probably due to the fatigue and the fact that his stuffed nose makes him sound a bit distorted. “It makes you feel better. And you don’t have medicine yet, so we need the soup.”

Allura sighs. “I would be grateful for your help,” she admits. “But if you strain yourself too much, I will forcibly drag you back to the couch, if need be.”

“I’ve got a teleporting wolf,” Keith argues, a little petulantly. That is highly unusual, but probably another sign of illness. “I can come back.”

By the way Kosmo flattens his ears and half closes his eyes—an approximate summation of an annoyed expression if Allura has ever seen one—she has a feeling Kosmo will not be compliant with that particular rebellious attempt. She smiles understandingly at him. 

“Alright,” Allura says. “Let’s try this again.”

Keith manages to explain, in between sniffles and coughs, that ‘cups’—along with ‘teaspoons’ and ‘tablespoons’—are a measurement system for dry and wet goods from one large country on Earth that Hunk hails from. Allura at least knows not to dump an entire drinking cup of food items into the pot she’s procured, but that doesn’t help her know what to actually measure.

Hunk has saved her in this regard, though. Keith produces a second card from the box. “Found this when I looked through again,” he mumbles. “S’got measurement translations. Like doboshes to minutes. But for food.” 

That does help. Allura learns very quickly that it’s two quarzaks to a cup, a tablespoon is three quarters of a sestent, and a teaspoon is half of a glurzark, and after that everything makes a lot more sense. She finds the measuring materials that Coran had pulled out for the terskargal earlier, and from there it’s mostly a matter of translating Hunk’s bizarre recipe into sensible measurements.

Knowing what foods to use is a little trickier. But Keith eventually spots a large piece of paper taped to the fridge, and when Allura brings it to him, it’s a list of food equivalents for easy reference. She now understands, for example, that ‘rice’ is an Earth food, but that Hunk has determined it’s comparable to boiled teslak grain. 

After that, it’s just a matter of properly parsing the ingredients, chopping them into smaller pieces, and carefully measuring. That part is simple by comparison. It’s a lot like rudimentary alchemy, and she had always enjoyed her father’s early alchemy books.

In the end, the pot on the stove bubbles merrily with some Earth concoction. It doesn’t smell as comforting as Coran’s terskargal, but it’s not unpleasant, and there was—thankfully—no need to milk any chickens, as Keith had promised. The chicken, as it turned out, was the shredded and boiled meat of the creature on their homeworld. Although it had been replaced with alkecha bird in this case, which Hunk had determined had a similar nutrition content. 

Kieth dozes against the counter, face mashed into his pillow, with Kosmo’s muzzle resting gently on his knee. He hasn’t been needed for the last half a varga, now that Allura has an understanding of what she’s doing, but now is the moment of truth. She ladles some of the soup into a bowl, and nudges Keith’s shoulder gently. “I believe it’s done. Would you give it a try?”

Keith blinks awake. Allura places the bowl and spoon on the table. Keith gives it an experimental stuffy sniff before scooping up some of the vegetables, broth, and shredded blue meat, blowing to cool it, and giving it a try. 

“Well?”

He considers. “Think it’s okay,” he says, after a moment. “Had to tell with my nose stuffed. It’s not that other stuff Coran tried to feed us, though—”

“—terskargal,” Allura supplies helpfully.

“—so I think the others could stomach it,” Keith finishes. 

It’s not exactly glowing praise, but Allura will take it. “Thank you for your help,” she says, smiling. “I’ll leave the bowl for you—please try to eat it, and then go lay down again. Kosmo—make sure he does both of those things. We want him to feel better, too.”

Kosmo takes his muzzle off of Keith’s knee and offers her a flick of the ears and an almost human nod. Keith mutters to himself tiredly, but pulls the bowl closer to eat.

Allura fills several more bowls and sets them on a hovering tray, along with more water and other supplies the team might need. The mice haven’t reported anything alarming, but it never hurts to be proactively prepared. She leaves one of the bowls on the floor for Kosmo, who gives her an appreciative wuff of thanks before sticking his nose in it, and then pulls the tray after her to the paladin’s quarters.

Hunk is the first stop, for the real test of her cooking capabilities. Allura knocks and lets herself in at Hunk’s weak acknowledgement, and smiles sympathetically at the human flopped uncomfortably in bed. “I used your recipe and created some of that chicken soup of yours,” Allura says. “Would you like to try it?”

Hunk’s eyes light up. “Do I!” he says. “Mama Hunk’s recipe is good for the stomach. Keeps you fed and from throwing it up again.” And based on how wan he looks, he certainly needs the nutrients. All of them do—they’ve been throwing up all quintent. Keeping down even a little bit will do them all wonders.

“It’s my first time cooking it,” Allura says, as she sets one of the bowls and a glass of water on a smaller floating tray. “You’ll have to let me know what you think.” 

She helps Hunk sit up, propping him with several pillows. Hunk is not at his strongest, but he does manage to take a spoonful of soup, blowing it on it carefully before trying. He swallows, considers, and finally says, “For your first time, it’s not too bad. Way better than that other stuff Coran gave us.”

That does seem to be the general opinion. Why, Allura will never understand. Terskargal has got to be better than this.

“I’m glad it is acceptable,” Allura says, smiling, and keeping her true thoughts to herself. “Will you be okay to eat while I deliver the rest to the others?” 

“Sure,” Hunk says. “They should definitely all get some.” He sniffles uncomfortably, but then helps himself to another spoonful of soup. “It’ll definitely help everyone feel better. Good healthy stuff in here.” 

“I’m glad to hear it,” Allura says. “I’ll be back to collect your dishes in a little bit.”

The next varga is a busy one, as Allura delivers the rest of the soup, helps everyone sit up and get acclimated, and supervises in the cases where her patients are a little too wobbly or disoriented to be left with a hot bowl of liquids alone. The mice, thank the ancients, are invaluable in monitoring the process, keeping her updated on everyone’s status as she rotates room to room. By the time she’s finished making sure everyone has eaten and hydrated, collected the dirty dishes, refilled on water, cleaned out basins again, and made a mental note of which paladins’ sweat-dampened sheets need to be changed by Coran (something that does make sense to her as an Altean), she’s exhausted. 

Keith, at least, is no trouble. She swings through the lounge to check on him, on her way back with the dirty dishes. He’s sound asleep again on the couch, with Kosmo once more stretched out atop him, nose snuggled into Keith’s neck. His empty bowl has been left neatly in the sink, and Kosmo’s is out of the way on the floor, licked clean.

Allura wearily collects the dishes and sets them into the automated cleaner. The rest of the soup is still kept warm on the stove, ready if anyone else needs it. She’ll need to check in soon with Coran on his progress, but for now, everyone is as cared for as can be, at least for the moment. 

Really, caretaking is so much work. Especially with five humans to look after. She has much more appreciation for her mother, and for Coran, and the servants of ten thousand years ago. But she’s proud of herself, too, for being able to handle it all. Who would have thought looking after five sick paladins would be more exhausting than an entire Voltron battle? 

At least she’d done it, and everyone had looked marginally better after the soup. No one can ever say she wouldn’t do anything for her friends. And she hadn’t even been required to milk a chicken.

Thank the ancients for small favors.

[metamelonisle]

assorted headcanons i have (fandoms involved: Kirby, Super Mario, Sonic, Smash)

mayro hcs:

Within the three central characters of SMB, the order of weakest to strongest is: Mario -> Peach -> Bowser. Bowser is an incredibly strong beast of a king, and has the magical prowess to match. Peach is able to match Bowser in terms of magical power, as she is usually the one who undoes all of his magic at the end of the game. However, she’s still physically weaker than Bowser (it’s not because she’s weak though. It’s just that no one is as strong as Bowser). Judging from how she’s playable in some games, she is just as physically strong and agile as Mario is, which puts her dead center between Mario and Bowser. Mario is the weakest, as he has no magic of his own, and outside of external aid (Powerups, Caps, Power Stars, FLUDD, Luma, Cappy) he really only has his acrobatic skills (which admittedly, are pretty impressive) and his wits. From what I remember, Mario has never beaten Bowser in a direct straight fight. He’s always either A. aided by an external force (like powerups or friends) or uses the environment to his advantage to circumvent the power difference (like the Axe in SMB or the brick-block floor in SMB3). Peach is as strong as Mario physically and Bowser magically, but usually gets kidnapped because Bowser never plays fair (using multiple people to capture her, using sneak attacks, i mean, i’d be surprised if he didnt employ an ultimatum of “get in the koopa klown car, or i’m eating mushroom stew tonight! Gwah ha ha!”)

Dr mario is mario’s dad. he is the main protagonist of DK 81, mario bros 83 (alongside his twin brother Luigi, Sr.) and the first Dr. Mario, and the main antagonist of DK’s Circus and DK Jr.. He dated the Lady from DK 81 (no relation to pauline) but nothing came of it. his significant other/mario jr and luigi jr.’s mother is unknown, if they are even the same person. He is still practicing medicine to this day and is a vetetan in Smash, having attended every game since Melee as a fighter but Brawl and attended every game since 64 to cheer on his sons. (Don’t ask me who nurse peach is idk yet also DM64 and DMW are different)

there are two Mad Pianos. One is a mechanical trap made by Boos (64) and the other one is a real piano possessed by Boos (DS).

the Unagi from 64 suffers from anxiety and is more afraid of Mario than anything else. Peach thinks very fondly of them.

Sonic sometimes asks Mario to babysit Classic Sonic (the one from Mania) and as a result they get along pretty well. CS regards mario as a kind of “cool older brother/father figure” and Mario just thinks he’s adorable. They do extreme sports together

kriby hcs:

bandana dee is nonbinary (he/them)

king dedede probably runs a memepage on facebook about how great he is (it has 3 followers)

dmk listens to linkin park and considers them to be “way better than whatever that punk listens to”

the four otherworldy kings (parallel woods, parallel kracko, parallel meta knight and parallel dedede) are still alive for some reason and HOO ARE THEY MAD (at kirby & co specifically. they’ve chilled out regarding anyone else but if they see the dream friends or that cheeky piece of gum it’s ON SIGHT)

Kracko is related to dark matter in some form. i dont know how but they are. they’re suspicious. also kracko is scared of shrek bc they saw that one tumblr post where he eats lightning then reaches into his bag for the gun that kills clouds

dark nebula has two interpretations: first is mine: an extremely overconfident and egotistical blob of dark energy that thinks he’s lucifer. he talks with a disgusting amount of prose and a fake vague european accent bc he thinks it makes him sound refined. he calls himself names like “the lord of darkness” and “the beast within us all” and stuff and tries to get people to sell their souls to him. the thing is, he’s weak. like, PATHETICALLY weak compared to most beings on popstar. he were actually locked in a box by someone in response to being given a “proposal” to be his servant and herald. (that “someone” may or may not have been Galacta Knight) the other interpretation is that they’re a chaotic and malevolent demon with a very intense friendliness with nothing behind the eye. (like bill cipher, or tom cruise.) they got locked in a box bc Zero made them and was like “you are a mistake” and locked them in a box so they wouldn’t have to deal with them. it’s unclear if they resent zero for this and may be unaware of their existence entirely. When entities are killed, they release all of their power in a big explosion. this is why enemies “pop” when they are defeated, why mid-bosses violently explode after a while, and why bosses explode multiple times and then vanish in one last big one. the more powerful the entity and the more energy they retain at the time of death, the more powerful the explosion. This is largely the reason why Void Termina was sealed in the Jamba Heart instead of being slain by the heroes of yore, as the resulting explosion might destroy the entire galaxy. It is theorized that if Galacta Knight were to take his own life, the resulting explosion would irreversibly devastate the universe. (this remains unproven, as he only dies after being extremely worn down and eventually fatally wounded by Meta Knight.) 

galacta knight is one of the heroes of yore who defeated and sealed void before the series started. people feared and demonized him because of his power, and it made him scared he might accidentally hurt innocent people as a result. he became a hermit and wondered how he could neutralize himself as a threat to the world, and ultimately decided the best choice was to seal himself away in a crystal. Whenever he is unsealed he is extremely upset (as he considers himself a living WMD who’s very presence presents an immediate danger to everyone around him), and fights whoever he believes unsealed him (as since they revived him, they must have known about him, and why else would anyone unseal the greatest warrior in the galaxy if they’re not gonna use him as a weapon/attack dog?) He eventually dies for good in ironically, his first appearance, at the very end of Meta Knightmare Ultra. When he is beaten by Meta Knight, he’s lost so much power and strength that he can finally let go, realizing that with warriors like Meta Knight around, not only is he no longer a danger, but he can rest easily knowing that the galaxy is in safe hands. Finally at peace, Galacta Knight dies, releasing an explosion on par with Nova’s. Due to the way time works, Galacta Knight is fated to survive everything that happens to him up until his very last fight with Meta Knight in Ultra. He has known that he would die in a duel to the death with a winged masked knight in the stars since the days of yore, and used to frequently exploit the law of Forgone Conclusion up until the sealing of Void. Post-Seal, he began to believe the vision he saw was symbolic rather than literal, believing that this masked knight likely represents the darkness within his heart, and that his “death” actually meant his inevitable snapping and descent into fallen heroism and wanton destruction. When he finally sees Meta Knight in Robobot, he does not actually recognize him until he’s been badly wounded, but still escapes, as they’re not in the right place yet. He is elated to realize that the vision of the future is not describing his fall, but his actual death. When MKU finally rolls around, Galacta is hopeful (which is likely why he doesn’t kill Nova like he did with SD), as he’s knows going to die, which means the universe will be safe. Knowing that this is his last dance, he pulls out all of the stops to give Meta Knight the greatest fight he can before he croaks. When the final blow is struck, he loses control of his wings and is flung around by muscle spasms, but is able to regain control long enough to relish in his defeat. Galacta Knight and Hyness are not the only currently living heroes of yore. Given that Gooey, a piece of Dark Matter who is very loving and friendly, is clearly able to not only receive love, but give it as well, I think that all Dark Matter is capable of it, except for Zero, and possibly Miracle Matter. (I’d be willing to give them a chance, though.) They are unable to tap into their positive emotions because of their loyalty to Zero. This has changed as of Kirby 64: The Crystal Shards and Kirby Star Allies. After Zero’s death in 64 and Void’s purification in Allies, all remaining Dark Matter is free to do as they please without Zero to tell them what to do. Most have disappeared, but four major members remain. Gooey, Void, Miracle Matter, and Dark Matter Swordsman. He was the first Dark Matter to realize that he cared about others when post DL3, he questioned why he was so adamant to fight Kirby and Gooey even when it could have easily resulted in his death. He ultimately came to the conclusion that it was because he genuinely cared about Zero, and his intense loyalty to him was a result of that. Until Void’s purification, DMS hung around Gooey frequently, as they’re really the only family he has left. After Void’s purification, he was elated to learn that Zero had effectively come back, but now able to give love as well as receive it. He’s a little sad Void doesn’t remember his time as Zero, and as such doesn’t remember him, but believes it’s for the best that Void is not burdened by his past mistakes. His relation to Miracle Matter is unknown.  Now that Void has been purified and DMS has embraced his positive emotions, they are no longer weak to the Love-Love stick or the Rainbow Sword. As such, the Love-Love Stick has been disassembled back into the heart stars and returned to their owners, and the Rainbow Sword is currently in the possession of DMS, having replaced his old sword. Similarly to all native Dream Landers becoming animate yarn outlines in Patch Land, all native Patch Landers become animate three-dimensional plushies in Dream Land. The bosses from Kirby’s Epic Yarn are still around. Even Yin-Yarn is still alive! (but Shhhh don’t tell anybody its a secret) They’re doing a lot better now that Yin-Yarn isn’t around/active to boss them around. Fangora- Mostly just vibes in Weird Woods. They’re a lot less hostile then they used to be, so give em’ a visit! They’d love to eat-er... Meet you! Squashini- Still performs magic. He uses a weird mix of stage magic and actual magic and occasionally performs in Dream Land. He’s especially popular on Halloween! Hot Wings- Continues to look after her chicks in Hot Land, although they’re adolescents at this point rather than babies. She’s cooled down in terms of intensity and has begun to warm up to visitors, but only really trusts Fluff and Kirby. In Dream Land, her fire is cloth, but still burns like real fire. She has occasionally been known to barbecue as of late, complete with a cheesy apron and cheesier jokes. This has made her popular in Patch Land but she mostly just cooks for friends or her kids. Most of the time they just forage. Calimari- Resents Double Bubble and the Fuzz for ruining his cap, and has made himself a new one. He continues to hoard treasure, and will pickpocket anyone who comes by him. He could theoretically make a fortune with his knitting skills, but is too lazy to do so. A really good way to piss him off is to tell him he looks like a potato. He will hurt you. Meta Knight and Dedede - Oh You Know Fluff once ate an entire bar of ZOTE he found in Kirby’s laundry room and no one noticed until it was too late

idk there’ll probably be more but i’m kinda tired rn. feel free to add or edit as you please. i’m bad at being consistent i think so help is greatly appreciated