#and the inate strangeness of being human

[flymold]

one thing abt ai and the mainstream climate of entertainment is that it's made it clear we need to celebrate weird imperfect offbeat art more than ever. the ai art i see floating around is pristine in such an uninspired way it's made me rethink my relationship w creativity entirely. i'm less concerned with creating polished works than i am with creating and consuming the bizarre, the messy, the challenging. i want my brain to go ❗️ when i see something beautiful - not because it's a perfect clone or amalgam of populart/contemporary style but because it stirs the worm in my heart that feeds on what it means to be human!! it wriggles in delight at the taste of fallibility !!!!! make weird shit and dance with your shadow!!!!!!!! canonize the magic of being human by giving the absurdity of it form !!!!!WE ARE SO MUCH MORE THAN THE EFFICIENCY OF OUR CELLS!!!!

[twistedwonderlandsimps]

Technomaniac!Yuu

I'm just here to mix-and-match different kinds of Yuus with different kinds of personalities to see what monstrosity I can make. That being said,,, Technomaniac!Yuu brainrot! 

So basically this Yuu belongs in the High Fantasy Yuuniverse on the human side and they’re absolutely obsessed with technology and becomes unhinged when creating stuff. 

Mayhaps their family ran a robot-related business or a machine-creating business and that’s where their obsession started. Maybe Yuu’s obsession further increased due to the fact that they were a human being in a world full of otherworldly creatures.

In a world of high fantasy, there’s bound to be differing opinions and speciesism can’t be avoided. 

Some creatures thought humans were inferior due to their short lifespans. That they were greedy and ignorant. Some humans were even prejudiced to their own kind. Others thought humans in a more positive light, the fact that they were versatile and determined when it comes to things.

So Yuu with no magic and no super powers strived to be the best in the only thing they knew they could fully control and wanted to prove to everyone that humans weren’t inferior, thus beginning their obsession.

This Yuu has this cute little drone hovering over them all the time because I said so. The drone’s very expressive and acts as a kind of assistant for Yuu. 

So anyway, the day of the entrance ceremony?

Forget Grim opening the coffin, Yuu just ordered the drone to laser through the lid and then kicked it open. 

Seeing this, Grim became startled but then soon after demanded their robe.

“Beep! Threat detected! Determining threat level, please wait… Threat level determined. Warning: Threat level 5, initiating self-defense protocol.” The drone hovering over Yuu’s shoulder turned to an alarming shade of red but before it could do anything, Yuu waved them off gently. “Stand down, A1.”

Yeah, the little drone’s called A1 meaning Assistant 1.

Thankfully, a battle between the force of fire and laser never happened since Yuu saw no reason to wear the ceremonial robe because they felt their clothes were much better and gave it to Grim but only on the condition that Grim become their second assistant.

Grim, too focused on acquiring the robe at all cost, didn’t notice Yuu’s condition.

Anyway, guess what Grim’s nickname is. Yeah, that’s right. It’s A2 for Assistant 2.

Let it be known Technomaniac!Yuu has no penchant for naming. All that’s in their brain is making technological stuff.

I just suddenly thought of Yuu having Doofenshmirtz penchant for naming, just slapping ‘-inator’ at the end of their creation’s names.

Can you imagine an overblot and Yuu just pulls out this strange device and introduces it like:

Yuu: “Behold! Marvel at my ‘Insta-Knockout SlumberBlaster 3000-inator!’ Riddle’s going to definitely go down with this in just one hit!” A1: “With only an approximate 63% chance of dealing concussion! A massive improvement from the previous trials!”  Ace: “Excuse me, only 63%? Wait— Previous trials? Yuu, who did you test it on for you to get that statistic? Yuu? Yuu, come back here! Who did you test it on?! Yuu!”

Another overblot scenario would be…

A1: “Beep! Threat detected! Determining threat level, please wait…” Someone: “W… Why do you need to determine his threat level??? He’s literally about to kill us???” Yuu: “No, no, let my child cook.” A1: “Threat level determined. Warning: Threat level 10. Suggesting course of action: Run.” Yuu: “Okay, now we run.”

Let’s not forget holograms!

Imagine Deuce seeing Yuu facing away from him in the distance so he runs over to them and tries to gain their attention. He tries to tap Yuu’s shoulder but their hand just goes over Yuu’s form, leaving a slight glitch-like effect where Deuce’s hand passes through.

Hologram Yuu looks over to Deuce and says:

“Alas, as I am not here, I disappear.”

Then throws out a peace sign before slowly fading away while still maintaining eye contact.

Now that I think about it, on the first day of their janitorial duties, Yuu was able to make a weird-looking cleaning device out of metal scraps and pieces they found in Ramshackle and it somehow worked.

Well, for the most part anyway. 

Having no windows technically meant nothing to clean so in a way Yuu was doing their job, yes?

Yeah, Yuu broke a few windows and may have contributed to the chandelier also breaking that day so Deuce ain’t the only one at fault for this.

Speaking of, Ace’s first meeting with Yuu.

When he was introducing the Statues of the Great Seven to Grim and Yuu, Yuu turned to him and asked in the most serious voice possible if Ace wanted the statues to be animated by turning it into animatronics.

Ace barely managed to stop Yuu from dismembering the statues.

Technomaniac Yuu at literally everything they can see: “I can make it better!”

Giving broken things to Technomaniac!Yuu to be fixed is a gamble. 

Oh, a toaster? Well, you either get a completely fixed toaster that’s a bit better with warming your bread than before or it turns into a charcoal-maker. There is no inbetween.

Your phone? Oops, might’ve accidentally turned the flashlight function into a flashbang, teehee.

Technomaniac!Yuu is basically the tech support of NRC.\

Or more like tech terror. Tech-rorr, get it? I’m so funny.

Speaking of NRC, Yuu got banned from going to Ignihyde dorm.

That’s because they got too excited seeing all the new devices and technology they haven’t seen before in the dorm and kind of dismantled almost everything to see how it worked.

Ooooo, now that I’m thinking of it, cybernetic body modifications!

Like, what if they got severely injured against one of the overblot boys? Lost a limb or two? Or maybe they already had cybernetic body modifications even before they arrived in Twisted Wonderland.

Imagine them having an arm kinda similar to the robot arm Princess Bubblegum gifted Finn with the various power tools/weapons functions. There’s probably a rocket launcher function around there somewhere.

 Rook tries to stalk Technomaniac!Yuu but it always ends up being a hologram. Why do you think Rook calls them Trickster?

Wait, can you imagine the dynamic between Technomaniac!Yuu and Malleus?

One’s so bad at technology while the other’s the complete opposite.

Yuu asks Malleus if he wants his phone to be upgraded and suddenly Malleus’ phone has a built-in taser, ultra hd 4k graphics camera and video resolution, live tamagotchi game synchronization and surveillance, 24/7 AI assistance, unlimited wifi, faster internet speed, ultra deluxe storage expansion, the strongest antivirus known to to mankind, and Malleus still doesn’t know how to use his phone.

Yuu learns Briar Valley has technomancy and they’re immediately putting that place as a vacation spot because hello? Combining magic and technology? Can you imagine all the things they could create with those two forces combined? They’d be unstoppable!

Also, the Magicam Monsters stand no chance against Technomaniac!Yuu.

The moment those suckers break into Ramshackle, Yuu would immediately interfere with their gadgets and kick them out if they’re feeling merciful.

If not, well, say hello to the most vengeful virus they’ve ever met in their lives. 

No matter what gadget they change into, the virus will always follow them everywhere in the cyberspace network and break their devices or cause them the most annoying inconveniences. 

Slow internet? You betcha! Wifi symbol on but internet not coming through? Why, it happens almost every other day! Apps failing to open at the most crucial time? Lmao, rofl.

Speaking of gadget, Cater probably asks Yuu to upgrade his phone so he can take better selfies.

Thankfully the upgrade was a success and nothing exploded.

Yuu: “Well, here’s your phone, Cater! New and improved with better camera quality, efficiency, and effectiveness! Also, I hope you don’t mind but I also added an app that I occasionally use called Therapy Bot. Free of charge!” Cater: “Thanks, Yuu! Wait—” Yuu, looking around and leaning in to whisper: “Between you and me, I think everyone in this school could really benefit from Therapy Bot.”

Technomaniac!Yuu the most unhinged yet one of the most sane Yuu variants out there.

[pandoramusicbox]

(Third time’s the charm) Earlier this year I was watching some video about dnd (if that had not been figured out yet I play) about it’s history and the earlier editions. And one of these videos shows this bingo as one of stereotypes of “evil races” used in early dnd that they are trying to shift away from. I couldn’t find clear information on who made the original bingo. So what I had the incline to do with the bingo card was to go through some of my different species and groups in music box and see if I got bingo. So: some disclaimers, this was all for silliness and boredom. Each of these creatures is not evil or considered evil by me, but I chose them by either 1. A large population of other cultures or creatures considered them evil in the setting. 2. The three times I have played a dnd homebrew in this setting the players assumed they where evil. (I will note whitch one). Finally for some of these points I needed to squint to put them on the bingo.So, now I’ll be offering insight about each one of these creatures and why I included them. O’ller & O’sten Tretvi & Aletts: a species of sentient creatures with strange markings and long antennae with eyes on them. Only have 3 toes and fingers. And long wip thin tails. They are only found on O’ller and O’sten and an island off the coast of gargoraqi. They are subspecies of eachother and the parent species of the much hated camioon who are disliked for essentially the same reasons. (Reason 1) — uses “dark” magic: most parts of O’ller and O’sten have a rather rigged idea of what magic is and how it can and should be used. So any use of it outside of those bounds is considered “dark” magic, the Aletts and tretvi have inate magic. — evil counterpart to another race: so I had to squint to fit this one, the camioon I mentioned earlier, are by the large empires of O’ller not considered evil in the same way the other species are, the camioon are considered untrustworthy and likely to become dangerous, but not “evil, everyone run and hide, call the city watch” evil like the tretvi. — Barbarians: this is the easiest one to see, the empires consideres them barbaric in all they do and stand for and refuse to acknowledge their city states and mountain monasteries as kingdoms and nations of their own. — hated for a “good” reason: if Nationalism is a good reason I guess you could call it a good reason. The main reason they are feared is because of their magic not being able to fit neatly into the empires world view of magic, and that makes them unpredictable and dangerous. They also have a lot of innate magic. — emotionally unstable: they are possibly relatives of the fairies called Rabbits. And like the other true fairy creatures Rabbits are prone to extreme or dulled emotions, the tretvi are known to have two extremes of emotions at the same time and a lot of them deal with extreme mood swings. This is actually a point of pride for a lot of their cultures as they feel like they can appreciate the world on a wider spectrum than most of the creatures around them. Laquim: my second attempt at making a snake humanoid in this setting, that is not related to my first one. Though snake like they have a bit more in common with other reptiles. (they are loosely based on reptoids are secretly controlling out government along with some other things)  there are three major variations in the species, females; have a human like upper body and a serpentine lower body, males; have a humanoid body but possess a tail, asexed; a humanoid body like the males but have no tail, the majority of thier population is this veriaty of laquim. They are also cold blooded so they are only found in the southern part of O’ller but all of O’sten (Reason 1) — Slavers: this is simple, they keep slaves. The asexed laquim themselves are slaves to some extent. That being said the empires in O’ller also keep slaves so they are not the place to judge. — structured into tribes: very big tribes, these tribes are also different races within the species, they have different scale patterns and some different in who has venom and who dose not. On a political level they function a bit like Greek city states.  Specifically Sparta. — cast system: the three sexes are the main way they divide themselves into casts, males and females in one cast, asexed in another, then after that they devide themselves by unique features, such as specific kinds of venom or more commonly by the precence of frills, hoods or magic gems, and finally by the precence of extra limbs, forked tails, and rarely wings. Those with wings are seen as the destined leaders of the tribes. Among the males and females they are on rather equal footing as there is a predictable way to make female eggs (temperature) but males randomly appear among the asexed eggs (~ 1 in every 10 eggs). — “evil” animal as their symbol: they are snakes, and reptiles, that’s it. Dark Fauths: Aka dark elves, not actually a single species at all. The dark fauth is a term used by the people of O’sten to refer to the many, many different groups that live in the vast cave systems and caverns of the continent. This includes not only grey skinned humans and elv, but also vickor and raquesasha who have found themselves on this continent from mergo.  They live in these dark and mysterious underworld cities so the people around them simply assume the worst. But no city is the same. (Reason 1) — uses “dark” magic: same reason for why the tretvi are disliked, they practice magic outside of the accepted norm and unfamiliar forms of it. Magic by music! What a scandalous concept… that is the main way that mergo teaches magic.— raiders: they live in a bunch of caverns, and though they have most of what they need down there. Either form gathering or farming it themselves or from trade with other groups, they sometimes don’t have what they need, so they will simply go out and take it from the surface societies that put them down there in the first place. This is a rather rare occurrence, but happens frequently enough to where they have gotten a reputation for it. ( I’m not saying it a good thing but it’s also not an a-historical thing. Lots of city states in Greece and Mesopotamia. Vikings, and even feudal Japan to Korea and China) — structured in tribes: this is one where it’s a some of them do some of them don’t, each city state is different, some are structured by a dominant family or clan, others are democratic republics, some groups travel between different cities on a regular bases others do not. Small towns are sometimes referred to as tribes by the cities. —prefer dark/night: they live in caves, and though they may not have liked it at first they are used to it by now, be they recently banished to the underworld or having lived there for generations.  The grey skin I mentioned is actually a magical adaptation, possibly from interbreeding with raqsasha (who have white, black or grey skin) or as a result of eating magical beings and mushrooms found underground. But this gives them a slight natural magic where they will have either luminous patterns and spots, or if they have white hair, allows that to glow. They also have sharper sense of hearing and sight. —coded as POC: yup, this one speaks for itself. I’m not precisely able to pinpoint what POC group they are based on specifically, but the idea of the dark fauth are based on dark elves from dnd, and those guys are coded as POC. So   I assume that I may have accidentally carried that coding over without being aware of it. —barbarians: the surface world cultures think of them as “ inbreed, mad, culturally lacking, innately criminal, backstabbing, cannibalistic, lowlife, underworld barbarians” but just because one culture calls another barbaric dose not mean they are. The surface dwelling people also tend to lump all of thier different cultures and cities into a single thing. They would likely not know the difference between eslik spider cloth and teri kelper cloth if they had the two of them next to each other, but the difference would be obvious to most underworld dwellers. — matriarchal is a sign of being evil: nope, for one thing a lot of the cities are matriarchal but not all of them, some are more egalitarian others are patriarchal. Even though a lot of them are matriarchal it’s not a sign of them being evil, this is one of those, I had to squint to see it fitting. — “evil” animal as symbol: a lot of the cities have heraldic animals that decorate their banners, and a lot of those animals tend to underground animals and creepy crawlies. There’s at least five different cities with a spider of some sort as their symbol, three with centipedes two with millipedes, two with scorpions, four with underground fish, and one that’s a city close to the surface that has bats as their heraldic animal. It’s a simple case of surroundings influencing art. I have a few of these for different continents and creatures as well, and as long as this one is not flaqued I'll post the others. it was an interesting exersice to go into the mindset of cultures in the world to try and figure out their issues with each other. I also suggest to other world-builders to take a look at this bingo card, and if you can see a characteristic you have assigned to a race or a species (or race! especially then) that is “evil”, especially if you yourself consider them evil. and take some time to think about exactly why you have given them these characteristics. 

[shadowdragonempyrian]

Daily Writing Challenge - Day 13 - "Pride/The Maw"

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw the flash of bronze. The enemies had begun scheming, he mused. His maw shut as he drew in air through his nostrils. A testy lash of his tail ensured that he could move forward towards the blue dragon in front of him. She had narrowly escaped due to her inate gift of arcane as she teleported behind him and latched onto his flank. Her fangs sunk through dense scale. His hind leg reared up to claw at her underbelly as to dislodge her from his frame.

Though he had no time to react when the collision of the Red Dragon had come immediately after his momentary freedom. A large maw snagged around his throat, nearly crushing the windpipe in its grip. Outraged by the sudden teamwork of his foes, he writhed his head back and gouged his horns into the face of the red dragon. It released its hold on him as he dove down to get some distance.

But once more, he saw that bronze dragon fly by... And then, the blue dragon was in front of him once more. She had been an easier target, he felt and he lurched for her again. And strangely enough, she gripped onto the flank in the exact same manner as the first time she had attacked him. Except it was as if she did it again.

"Ah... so the Bronze wants to divide and conquer..."

Rather than dislodge the blue dragon, Empyrian instead swept her body around so that he could hold her in place when the red dragon came to bite at his neck. Though this time, the red dragon landed his mark on the wrong target. Before the chronomancy could be put into effect again, Empyrian charged the smaller bronze dragon. His claw swept outward to grab at the bronze. Though instead, his claw would catch sand. Frustration and ire had fueled his resolve to pursue the bronze instigating dragon.

Opening his maw, he was prepared to snag a bite onto the bronze's tail. But instead, he would get a hit to the throat by a missile of green. He hadn't seen the young drake when she struck, and he felt disoriented due to the lack of oxygen. Or perhaps it was something else entirely?

Something was filling the space in his throat and making it more difficult to breathe. He could feel his body straining to put strength into his wings to fly and his claws to scrape at his throat to remove the growing plant in his neck. His talons cut through thick roots and he'd remove them as quickly as they emerged.

"Now!" The bronze's voice called as the red dragon swooped over its head to grip onto the black dragon's wings. The pair would descend towards the swirling vortex that had once belong to the Well of Eternity. Chaotic energies from the demonic influence struck out at the pair, hitting them as they fell. Upon contact with the water's surface, both dragons were stunned at the impact. Their resolve lost as the water pulled them into the abyss below.

Whirling and twirling around beneath the surface, Empyrian felt his vitality waning. His vision was a blur as he spun and spun. His claw outstretched towards the surface as a whisper reached his mind.

"You... will... die." Any thought to retort against this whisper was answered with sudden darkness...

Sightless and angry, Empyrian awoke. He felt himself being pulled somewhere against his will. It was a freefalling sensation that didn't offer the 'free' part of the fall. How was it that he died so soon? He was a healthy adult dragon, that had many years yet to go to become a wyrm. All of the malicious intent of corruption through the Earth-Warder was still very much a part of him in death.

He had work to do!

Suddenly, his memories began to rush by him. Certain instances of his youth and adulthood skimmed through before the focus was on the tyranny of his rampage.

"The Maw." The voice sounded automated and artificial. What pondering he might have done was lost as the pulling sensation intensified. He wanted to thrash against the voice, but futility was the nature of life beyond death.

Upon being condemned, he'd eventually hit the ground. His soul was dark and hideous. And those around him were easily engulfed by his malevolence. Much like an elemental that splits into small furies, this was an amalgamation of sin. And he festered throughout the barren landscape with not a direction or purpose aside from mayhem.

As he further coalesced into a larger monstrosity, his will forced the other souls to shape his former body. Shadowy limbs took on draconic features as claws manifested from ethereal energy that was warped and twisted. Horns sprouted from a ghostly head and solidified by infusing with rock in his surroundings. His entire bone structure was components of the place he was thrown into damnation.

Though a body was not enough. And while his strength compensated for much against similar entities, he required eyes. Whispers of older souls told him of the need for attaining anima. And so he would construct a means to see. Though it was clear this hellscape was lacking in that resource he so desperately needed.

At least... for some time anyway.

Strangely he could feel the menace that was exiled to the Maw. And he inhaled the fumes of leaking anima like it was a freshly bled kill. He did not hesitate to charge forward and feast on this unfortunate soul's frame. And not long after, red eyes would take the appearance of the shadowy sin-touched soul-eater.

What he saw was a broken human - and while he could have just as easily consumed him, there was a rigid pity for it. Perhaps because Empyrian could at one time understand the infamy of terrorizing the world by one soul alone. And thus... he would turn away, knowing that all that remained with this man was weakness.

@daily-writing-challenge

[varianthumanwizard]

How to play Agatha Harkness (MCU) in D&D 5e

Agatha has now been ‘herself’ for a little over an episode, and she is everything I could have wanted. From her clothes to her performance, to her amazing use of magic, Agatha is exactly the type of witch I’ve been missing from TV. So here’s how I think you could build Agatha Harkness in D&D 5e:

First of all, Agatha most easily fits as a human. Despite her longer lifespan, most likely exaggerated by magic, but she seems to be mostly humanoid. If you want Agatha to have a bit more inate magic, perhaps go as a High Elf or even a Kalashtar, to build up her natural connections to magic. If you go for Variant Humans, you might want to consider Metamagic Adept, Shadow Touched, or even actor for her enhanced skills at deception.

Agatha Harkness is a Wizard in D&D. She is the most Wizardy Wizard to Wizard in the MCU outside of Doctor Strange. However, the type of Wizard depends on which aspects of Agatha’s powers you want to focus on:

Agatha’s magic centers around Illusions, Conjurations, Enchantments, and Divinations,  However, I believe Enchantments, Conjuration and Illusions best descirbe the sences we see in the show. 

Enchantment Wizards get an ability to charm those around them, and eventually alter the memories of those around them if they’re strong enough. 

Conjuration Wizards are able to bring things into being, such as ‘Fietro” or Sparky, while also teleporting across large distances. 

Lastly, Illusion Wizards can befuddle the senses and shape perceptions of realtiy around them, even enough to fool the Scarlet Witch herself. 

Of these, I think Conjuration Wizard is Agatha’s best bet, but her spell list should be a combination of all four schools of magic, with a little Necromancy thrown in for the hell of it. 

Lastly, Agatha’s strengths are in deceptions and magical training, so the Sage or Charlatan background can enhance those already ehanced skills.

Compliment them with a high Intelligence, Charisma and Constitution, and you’ll have an incredible witch on your hands.

[humanperryfic]

Headcanon: in the mute human Perry au, Doofenshmirtz didn’t understand sign language when Perry was first assigned as his nemesis. Doof went out of his way to learn it so that he could understand Perry. Perry already liked being Doof’s nemesis but the first time Doof responded to something he said in sign, is exactly the moment that Perry went heart eyes for Doof

AFKJDF YES

(this turned out a little different than what you said but oh well, it’s 4 AM and I can’t sleep so have this vaguely drabble-shaped thing)

Perry slides into the seat in his lair. For some reason, he’s actually sort of looking forwards to today’s mission. 

His nemesis isn’t even that bad. Some other agents complain about how there nemesis always annoying them, waking them up at odd hours or only doing one type of trap.

Doctor Doofenshmirtz is downright considerate, as nemesises go. In fact, he’s even nice. When he turned the both of them into platypuses (platypi? despite his codename, Perry doesn’t actually know), they took a tea break in the middle of their fight. 

And he didn’t poison the tea. 

Yep, Dr. Doofenshmirtz is a good nemesis. One could even say he’s a good friend. In fact, there’s really only one thing that reminds Perry of the line between a strictly professional relationship and friendship.

See, Dr. Doofenshmitz doesn’t know sign language. Nobody outside his family and a few of his agent friends really know it, which is why Perry quickly got used to carrying a notepad and pen around in his back pocket. 

Perry receives his mission (it turns out Dr. Doofenshmirtz has been buying up all the curtains in the Tri-State Area...Charlene gives him way too much alimony) and flies off in his hovercar. 

The proximity alarm jingle goes off as he lands on the balcony, and Dr. Doofenshmirtz meets him on the balcony. 

“What are you doing here, Perry the Platypus?” he asks, seemingly genuinely confused.

Perry pulls out his notepad, writing down the explanation. 

“Oh, no, I was just getting new curtains for Vanessa’s room. You know, my daughter. She kept saying she wanted those blackout curtains, so I decided to get some for her.”

Perry sighs. The -inator alerts have been rather touchy lately, but he didn’t think it was that bad. 

Eh, he’ll go back and tell IT to fix the -inator alarm, then spend the day with the kids. He hasn’t gotten a full day with them in a while. 

“Oh, wait, before you go,” Dr. Doofenshmirtz says, and Perry turns around. 

Slowly and painstakingly, he fingerspells out Curse you, Perry the Platypus.

“I’ve been practicing since you mentioned that you use sign,” he says, and an almost unfamiliar flutter takes hold inside Perry’s chest. “Perry? Are you okay?”

Perry nods, grinning wider than he has in a while. Nobody besides his family has really bothered to learn sign language for him before, so he’s somewhat in shock.

The strange flutter in his chest only gets stronger as he signs Thank you, 

“Of course,” Heinz says, smiling, and in the back of Perry’s mind, he swears can feel his stoic persona crack. 

[cavendish-dakota-central]

Inspired by:

This was really fun to write and absolutely got away from me so thanks for the idea!!

In an interesting turn of events, Phineas and Ferb had quite accidentally turned their favorite pet platypus into a human. What they had been trying to do was something entirely different- but Perry suspected that Heinz's stray -inator blasts mixed with an odd concoction of rare chemicals had somehow shifted his body into a human form. He had heard that all life forms were over 99% identical, but this was unexpected to say the least. Internally, he felt the same as ever, but externally a human body was something he had to get used to.

Luckily, strange things happened in Danville all the time. Linda and Lawrance accepted him with open arms and explained that he would always have a home with them, whether the remarkable change wore off or not.

In the meantime, Phineas and Ferb were having a field day. They took Perry to all the places platypus's weren't typically allowed into. They took him on amusement park rides and showed him around to all the best human cuisine. They even taught him sign language, which Ferb was already fluent in and that Phineas knew to a respectable degree.

Even Owca took it pretty well and was willing to play the whole situation by ear.

And then there was Heinz.

What the scientist initially saw was grown man breaking down his door wearing a hat noticably similar to his favorite nemesis's. The scientist had clutched a raygun between his confused, boney hands and demanded answers.

Thankfully, he understood when Perry handed him one of his business cards with an explanation written on the back.

"Perry the... human?" Heinz finally spoke. And then one of his hands slammed against his forehead and the scientist nearly fell over laughing.

Perry crossed his arms but couldn't scowl for long. He was a rather short five foot something of a man with a wide but strong stature, nothing like the six-something tower of skin and bones that Heinz was. However, Perry could soon see the humor in it as well. He had spent all his time wondering if he would soon poof back into a platypus but this... this lifted that weight off his shoulders.

Plus, being able to see Heinz something closer to face to face was a welcomed change of pace.

"Well, since you're here anyways: would you like to help Vanessa and I with the tree? We've been decorating for Christmas- no evil scheme today, but what do ya say?"

Perry's crossed arms fell away. He glanced at his watch. He had already scheduled this time with Heinz anyways so it didn't REALLY matter what they did with it. Plus, Perry could always write it off as preventing Heinz from disrupting the city for a day and Owca would surely appreciate it.

Perry nodded.

"Oooo wonderful!" Heinz cheered, his voice getting high and crackly with excitement, "Vanessa! Perry the Platypus- sorry, Perry the HUMAN," he shot a finger gun in Perry's direction, "is here!"

"Perry's a human?" Vanessa asked back, her low casual hum of a voice reaching ever so slightly upwards in interest.

She rounded the corner and reached out to hug Perry at the sight.

"Oh WOW you look great!" She complimented him wholeheartedly. She raised an eyebrow and looked him over, "Did my dad do this to you?"

"I..." Heinz's eyes drifted off to somewhere distant, a hand reaching under his chin, "I don't THINK I did..."

Perry shook his head 'no'.

"Well regardless," Heinz ushered them all into the next room, "we're almost done!"

In the large main room stood a simple green tree. Lights were already strung around it and most of the bulbs were in place. The rest remained in a nearby box.

"I wanted to make a huge masterpiece of a creation that spun around and lit up in dozens of different colors- !" Heinz excitedly explained his vision.

Vanessa quickly interjected, "but I thought simple was best."

"And you were right," Heinz smiled softly.

The evil scientist rubbed the back of his neck in embarrassment, but a content smile spread over his face at having his two favorite people there with him. Heinz had always had a soft spot for his daughter and him- but now that Perry was human, he was unexpectedly understanding it on a deeper level. It was a nice moment, Perry realized as he looked over the scientist's face.

Of all people, his nemesis was the only one who had treated him as an equal before now. And since Perry was human, something in him wanted to communicate his appreciation.

He blushed and looked away.

A moment later, Vanessa was tapping him on the shoulder.

"Would you like to do the honors?"

Perry's teal eyes looked over her kind face and then landed on the outstretched gold star in her hand. His eyesbrows lifted, surprised at the offer.

"It's alright, promise."

Heinz's overzealous laugh rung out, "Plus you might actually be able reach it now."

Perry blushed, thinking of just last year when Heinz had picked him up and allowed him to put the star atop the tree. Heinz had laughed so warmly at Perry's thumbs up and in the evening, the platypus had fallen asleep on the scientist's chest halfway through a rerun their favorite soap opera.

He nodded his thanks to Vanessa and took it. He stepped onto a nearby stool at the foot of the tree and carefully secured the star at the top.

He quickly rejoined the others and for a moment, they looked over it in bliss. And then Heinz went back to his usual eccentric ways.

"OH! I made hot coco! Okay, wait right there!"

He energetically held his arms out to ensure the remaining pair stayed where they were and then ducked into the kitchen. He happily hummed something to himself as he poured the hot water into three mugs and swore as he spashed a little.

Perry watched him do so for a moment until Vanessa's lips gently curled into an amused smile.

"So now that you're human, are you gonna kiss him?"

Perry's blood was suddenly brought to a boil. Why was it suddenly so warm in there? It was actually quite cold in the penthouse, and just his blue-green, long-sleeve button up and orange diamond vest were barely keeping it warm as it was.

However, he did file the idea away for later.

He reached out his left hand and tilted it to either side, clearly signalling 'maybe'. He then added a few more signs to add on 'if I don't punch him first'.

Vanessa chuckled.

-

The three of them drank the coco and later made some popcorn as they settled down for a movie. They were just nearly halfway through when Perry realized the time.

He quickly lept up from the couch and headed for the door. Heinz quickly chased after him, nearly knocking over the bowl of popcorn in his wake.

He beat Perry to the door and opened it for him.

"It was nice of you to stop by," Heinz said awkwardly. "I... I hope I see you again soon. I'll try to think up something evil to do soon but I won't be doing evil on Christmas this year. I promised Vanessa I wouldn't do any scheming that day but maybe you can stop by anyways-"

Perry could barely hear what his nemesis was saying. He was too busy listening to his heart suddenly pounding in his ears and thinking something... unprofessional.

He knew all of this was weird and... unprecidented... but there was a strong possibility that he would stay like this for the rest of his life and... well, he didn't dislike that idea.

Deciding he had nothing to lose, he quickly reached out for either side of Heinz's face and kissed him. It was barely a touch, barely a second, but it happened and was over just as fast.

Heinz stared and stared at him.

"Alright. So. Is that a maybe?" He asked through a haze of warmth nearly overwhelming him.

Perry's ears were burning but he simply tipped his hat and gave a warm smile before dashing off.

Somewhere behind him, Heinz was slowly shutting the door, eyes distant with shock, while Vanessa was eating the popcorn and whipering "finally" with an amused smile.

[thorinthehottotty]

Beorn - Brambles

A/N: This has been sitting in my drafts a while... Might make a part 2.

Summary: Leona finds herself in Middle Earth much different than expected. Not human as she always had been but a skin changer. Gandalf and Thorin agree she could be a great addition! There's only one problem... She can't control her shifts.

Warnings: Smut

When I arrived in Middle Earth, I thought I had died or found an adorable little dream of being a giant. It very quickly turned to a nightmare when I discovered I was infact a giant. Not only that but Bilbo reluctantly took me in after seeing my panic (he'd been rather panicked himself seeing me appear in a small vortex of darkness) apparently there was no sound and the poof I was there and the vortex was gone.

There was no preparing me for how I looked.

The tail was the first clue things weren't the same. A long thing that had an tuft at the end. I had reached for my face. My long hair trailed down into sideburns, soft ones that just stopped at the ball of my jaw. Bilbo offered a mirror and I was shocked. In my world I was blond, yes, but a soft, whispy blonde, not a mane of sandy blonde that was thicker than I'd ever had it. There was a streak of darker hair, a dusty brown, it streaked down the middle and even crawled down my spine. I had never been so hairy.

That was the only difference. Apparently I had grown to a hefty seven and half feet instesd of my previous height of six foot one. It made Bilbos house cramped and frustrating.

The only change I had zero complaints with was the change in my eyes. Instead of the dark brown, they were golden!

It took quite awhile for me to grow used to the appearance. Especiallu with how folks looked at me. Gandalf was a kind soul with answers for me. A skinchanger, he had suspected. Few left of them, if any.

It was a blow to the gut. I joined him and Bilbo when they decided to journey with a strange company of dwarves. Thorin wasn't happy when he discovered that I had no idea how to shift.

The first time was a painful and exhausting experience. My bones grew and shifted until I was even larger. There was something liberating about it. It was the first time the orcs had found us near Rivendell. It made me feel wild and untamable. Even when I saw the horror in Bilbo's face, I charged several wargs. It helped that I was larger than them. It was surprisingly easy to rip my teeth into their flesh and tear them apart.

They chased us into the secret passage just as an orc slashed me across the face with a sword. When I slipped back into my human form, I had a gash from my jaw to my temple. It didn't heal pretty. I cut my hair too, much to the horror of the dwarves. It made the fur of my feline form (much like that of a lion) long and unmanagable before. So I cropped it short.

In Rivendell I had a dream. It unsettled me. I dreamt of a bear, larger than any I had ever seen, running through a forest, chasing me. I couldn't shift in the darkness of the approaching night. All I could hear was my heaving breaths. All I could feel was the cool dirt under my feet and the racing of my heart.

I mentioned it to Gandalf and he seemed to grow worried for a moment. And then it was veiled by a reassuring look. He didn't join us in the misty mountains, not until he helped us escape. And again with the eagles.

Everytime the orcs were near, it made my skin prickle and stretch and I was forced into my second skin. I nearly had Azog when I was scooped up by talons. I had was so exhausted from my shift it I barely made it off the carrock they dropped us at.

"Gandalf," I call just as Bilbo scurries over rocks to peer where the orcs would be riding near. I smelled something unfamiliar and it stirred something greatly unsettling.

"Shh, dear."

"Gandalf we need to leave." I snarl quietly. Thorin casts me a glance when the old wizard brushed me off.

"Why?" He demands quietly.

"I can smell something. This is no place for us. There is a warning for us to stay away. We are in grave danger here." It was the best way to express it. Thorin looked at his other dwarves. We weren't at the edge of the border yet, but it was nearby.

A distant roar catches my ears and an involuntary rumble leaves me. I have the insinct to run far, far away from here. Thorin did not like my sudden animal like terror. It was unfamiliar too him. Orcs and wargs I would attack, he'd never seen my flight instinct.

Bilbo scuttled back then. "How close is the pack?" Thorin demands.

"Close! Too close, a couple of leauges, no more. But that's not the worst of it." Another rumble left me a those words and many of the company looked at me.

"The wargs picked up our scent." Dwalin guesses.

"Not yet. But they will do it. We have another problem." Everyone circled around him.

"Did they see you? They saw you," Gandalf guesses.

"No that's not it."

"What did I tell you? Quiet as a mouse," Gandalf proudly bolsters. Bilbo's anxiety seems to grow as no one seems to pay him heed. They all begin to give proud statements of it. My low snarl cuts them off.

"What did you see, my friend?"

"What form did it take?" Gandalf's sudden graveness has me tensing. "Like a bear?" He ignores me snapping to my full height to glare at him.

"Y-yes!" Bilbo gasps in shock, frowning in confusion. "But bigger, much bigger." I feel my heart sink to my stomach and a hand rises to cover my mouth. "How did you know?" Gandalf passes a glance to me.

"You lying fucker," I snarl at him. All this time he knew about my dreams. And still he did nothing for it.

"You knew about this beast?" Bofur demands glancing between us both.

"I've been having dreams of it everynight since my first shift and he's promised me it's nothing! That's what I'm smelling, isn't it?"

"I say we double back!" Bofur calls as Gandalf turns and wanders in another direction.

"And be run down by a pack of orcs?" Thorin snarls. This begins the uproar of voices that chatter nervously.

"There is a house, it's not far from here where we might take refuge." Gandalf murmurs slowly.

"Who's house?" Thorin demands.

"Where?" I call as well, dreading the answer.

"Are they friend or foe?"

"Neither. He will either help us. Or try to kill us." My gut says it's the latter. I sigh and the howling of wargs, the scent of it near by, mixed with the unfamiliar scent of bear apparently, has my skin rippling.

I give a pained groan and mutter a quiet 'oh no'. The company is pressing back as I double over, they'd seen it twice now to know to give me as much space as possible. I give a whimper of agony as my bones and muscles contort themselves.

"Calm, Leona, calm yourself."

"Calm myself!" I snarl back. "You expect me to calm myself?" A crunch has me dropping to my side to writhe in pain. My cries louder than they'd like but no one bothers to stop the reaction. Next thing I know, I'm furry and angry. My clothes ruined.

I look to Thorin, plenty ornary for the both of us. And off we all go, me hot on their tails. Gandalf directs us from the back as the sound of a mighty roar fills the air. We were fucked. He leads us right to the house, the bear fast. Maybe I can slow it down, lead it another direction.

Gandalf calls to me when I pause, only nodding them on as I turn toward the trees. They sprint onward, only Bilbo being the one to shout about it. Thorin tows him along by an arm.

When the bear breaks through the undergrowth my heart thuds in terror. It was much larger than myself. I figured it'd be the size of a grizzly and I could fight it fairly. Boy was I wrong. The great beast was enormous. Twice my size at least.

He skidded to a halt. I lowered myself to the ground a bit more and gave a mighty roar. A challenge to this great beast as he snarled loudly. And we were off. He chased me through the trees, thankfully not as fast as I was, but it was close.

He abruptly veered and I realized we were clise to the house. The dwarves still weren't there yet. I could here them shouting as he approached. Now was my turn to chase him.

The slammed the door to the house in his face. It wasn't latched as he snapped his teeth at them. I did the only thing I could think of and barreled into his side. He roared as I shoved at him, knocking us both from the door.

I was to my feet and running as fast as my tired legs could take me. But he was right on my heels, still livid. I tore off across a feild, dogding frightened animals that fled in out wake. Just as I reached the woods, wargs howled again and I felt the inate reaction drive you toward them, a different fire in me.

This big creature seemed to do the same. Animal insinct to kill those nasty orcs. They too fled at the sight of the two oversized preditors. Finally, as the sky darkened, I'm reminded of the dream and all at once I'm shifting back without warning. I gasp in horror and surprise, scuttling to my feet as I feel the creature's attention on me once again. It hurts but adrenaline numbs the pain. Stumbling about, I hear him quickly approaching.

I shriek when something closes around my ankle and jerks me down to the ground. It isn't painful but a big weight is on top of me all at once, pinning me as hot breath brushes over my ear.

"How stupid are you, little cub?" A voice snarls behind me, shocking me into a stupor. I am flipped when the weight is lifted. An enormous man glowers down at me, his golden brown eyes glaring. I shiver under his naked form and his scent hits me like a ton of bricks. He was a skinchanger as well! I gulp as he bares his teeth down on me, glancing lower. "Not a cub, just stupid."

I can't bring myself to say anything as he drops his nose to my neck and breathes in a trembling breath. The air changed. It was heavy and desperate all at once.

We latched onto each other desperately, teeth digging, nails biting. It felt so natural for me to open my legs for him and for him to stretch the most delicate parts in a way I never had been. Even as a man, he dwarfed me. I found myself rutting against him furiously as we clawed in pent up energy. I vaugely remember crying out in ecstacy and begging for more.

When he'd finished shortly after I had, a howl filled the air and he dragged off of me, wild eyed. "Back to the house with you. Go." He barked. I could barely walk but I made it in an hour, feeling the drippings down my thighs. This would not look good. So I prayed they couldn't tell what I had done. The naked factor would be enough.

I knocked at the door, weakly. My bones hurt still, I was exhausted, but my whole body hummed. I have no idea what had come over me, but my legs were weak.

The door flew open and I stumbled in, dropping to my knees as someone cloaked me. "Are you hurt?" Bilbo rushed me, dropping before me. "Did you kill him?"

"No, no. I'm okay. The shift's just taken a lot from me. You didn't tell me he was a fucking skinchanger too." The latter was directed to Gandalf. The wizard smiled sadly at me.

"So you two met then?"

"Quite the greeting," I grumble. "He told me to return here when the wargs circled back. He took off towards them."

"We thought he was torturing you." Bilbo's words had you chuckling.

"Hardly."

"Then what was all the screaming?" Kíli asked.

I clear my throat uncomfortably. "Uhhh..."

"He defiled you!?" Thorin roared, oddly perceptive.

"Relax. It was pretty mutual," I offer awkwardly. The dwarves stare in shock, Bilbo's jaw dropping nearly to the floor.

"You... You..."

"Can we just get some sleep, please?" Among the hay, Bilbo offered me a spare tunic that could fit me. Apparently he'd been holding onto extra since Rivendell.

Tomorrow I would have to face the strange bear-man that I had let take me in the forest. I'd have to ask him if that's how he greats all skinchangers...

@tomisbaeholland @fizzyxcustard @dabisburntnut

[lachlann-macnab]

Task #16 Jukebox Musical/TV or Movie Soundtrack: come up with a playlist of at least 10 songs, write a scene summary to go with each one. Disclaimer under the cut.

Disclaimer: I, once again, decided to abuse the system. Nowhere on the prompt does it say that the scenes have to be related to a character I have, that's why I present to you: "The prompt, but short stories done with characters Jean would love to write but doesn't have the time to actually have".

Also, weeb rights.

*King  (English cover) -Will Stetson John Kingsbury 

Watch your back no warning warning Taking all my stress there's only just one thing to do Brace yourself for all my love's attack now Left side right side Bear your fangs it's time to fight Pa - pa - pa parade in shame tonight Left side. Right side. Bear your fangs and come alive Pa- pa - pa, Hah! You are king!

Mother always did like Richard best. 

Screw that, everyone always did like Richard best, even John liked his brother more than he liked himself. Even so, when he had been declared MIA during a mission with The Order, John quickly became the first option (the only option) for everyone -he was on cloud nine.

His new comrades didn't quite like him, but John didn't quite mind since he'd make sure that by the end of that year they'd be kneeling to him. Just  like he'd make sure that Richard never, ever came back, even if that meant making allies with a certain policeman and some Magicks whose information he'd make sure to erase from The Order's databases.

Pa, pa- pa Hah! He was (finally) King!

*La mer - Julio Iglesias cover  Basil Rathbone 

Mrs. Judson would have never expected to hear Julio Iglesias, of all things, coming from the flat. It was a strangely cheerful song for someone like Basil to hear, being the snob (not only musical, but general snob) he'd always been.

She was unsure about whether she really wanted to open the door, suddenly afraid of what she might find on the other side. Sometimes Basil would be immersed reading files upon files upon files, sometimes he would be languishing on the sofa while staring blankly at the roof, sometimes he would be walking around while talking to himself in a very obvious bout of mania -he was a wild card, that Basil, and the fact that she simply couldn't guess what he'd do next always worried her.

Worried as she was, she opened the door.

She found Basil staring at the portrait that hung just above the chimney, just...watching it. 

"I have always quite admired Le Carré's works" Basil merely said, without even looking at Mrs. Judson and instead keeping his attention on his own personal Karla while the song went on and on, silently hurting in all of the right places.

*Everybody loves me - OneRepublic  Kuzco Apaza

Get down, Swaying to my own sound Flashes in my face now All I know is everybody loves me Everybody loves me

Kuzco was on a roll. 

He felt the stares as he made the street his personal catwalk and kept (very loudly) chatting with his lawyers on the other side of the phone. The sun was shining surprisingly strongly that day (surprisingly for that side of the world, that is), it's rays hit his jewelry and clothes and made him shine almost as strongly as the star itself.

There was no way anyone could ignore him. And he couldn't blame them -he was fabulous! A gift of the gods themselves, almost as brilliant as the sun and twice (no, thrice) as charming!

...and he was shouting his plans to build a waterpark on Atlantis Lake. And, sure, people didn't seem to love the idea quite yet, but...?

At least they were staring. And they'd eventually learn to love him.

*Dramaturgy (English cover) - Will Stetson Hans Westergård 

All alone now no one’s looking, act out in greed deceiving all their eyes But there’s no real me that You’ll find if you believe and I can’t find a single role that showed what’s really there to see

He caught the eyes of his reflection by accident.

Hans had tilted his head and his eyes had almost immediately found his own reflection against the showcases, making him forget about his date (what was her name again? He couldn't, for the life of him, remember that but he certainly did remember how much her net-worth was and which medicines she needed to take at what hours of the day, just like her previous beau had needed to do before the "accident" had happened) and focus instead on his own eyes.

The thing is...he couldn't find anything in there; The baby blue went on and on but there was nothing beyond- behind it-

-when he moved his gaze, however, he found that he was smiling even if he didn't felt like it. And that his carefully selected clothes looked as they had been designed just for him to wear (and they had), and that his globed hands were still holding his date's recent purchases inside the yellow bag even if he found every item utterly tacky and a ridiculous expense.

He was smiling and looking good and doing perfectly. So why did finding his own gaze him the same effect as placing a mirror in front of another, creating a ever going loop of emptiness?

Was he not playing his part correctly? What could possibly fill that void?

*My Neighbor Totoro/Azumi Inoue Music Box ver - R3 Music Box Totoro Seishin 

Totoro decided to take a nap under the sun while Chu and Chibi were busy playing with some squirrels. It was a sunny day and there was no place he'd rather be but outside, basking and feeling the grass under him.

At one point, however, he felt some extra weight on him. He didn't feel like moving or particularly offended by something deciding to lay on him, it was just amusing.

He couldn't be bothered to open both eyes, so he only opened one, finding a sleeping girl against his chest as if that was the most normal thing to do.

He smiled, closed his eye and decided that was quite fine by him.

*Delusion Girl - Oktavia Cover (TW Suicide and Mental Illness) Bernard Newhart

Every hero knows when they’re needed, so, that’s just what he’s born to be A man who manages throwing out his hand, Who doesn’t care if his own life is spared Such a feat like that, it’s a selfless act only completed in dreams And it stays like that for me With a crash I’m trapped back in reality

Bernard wanted to help, he really did. He just...didn't always know how. Nor did he know if it really matter.

His partner always seemed to be five steps ahead and the Australian she'd taken a fancy to was just like her, if not a couple of steps ahead of even her. And it made Bernard feel like a third wheel, to question if he was really doing something worthy, if he had done something, anything sufficiently good ever and-

-he caught the girl's cellphone before she ever noticed it had slid out of her hands. And soon enough he was getting hugged and receiving many 'thank you's and- and maybe that was enough?

*The Lost One's Weeping (English Cover) - Will Stetson (TW   Depression) Martin Ambrosius (Merlin)

And no matter how much time passes us by, We’re drunk on sweet and hypnotic lies. With all our sources of hardened pride We try to erase and hide now

Martin would always act indignant at the question, and would always reply with a 'I am under no obligation to use my magic to explain or prove anything to the likes of you'.

He was Merlin's blood, for fuck's sake! He didn't have anyone to prove anything to save for maybe the Once and Future King himself!

Oh how he hoped, deep, deep inside, that he would never wake, that he would never ask any questions, that he would never do anything but keep dreaming his mythical dream and let him live his unmagic life.

He was a showman, he loved smoke and light and mirrors, he could fool anyone, anytime -but he knew that wouldn't be enough if (when) the time came, that the Once and Future King would need an actual advisor, an actual wizard.

He prayed that day never came to pass.

*When you're evil - Aurelio Voltaire Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz

It gets so lonely being evil What I'd do to see a smile Even for a little while And no one loves you when you're evil I'm lying through my teeth! Your tears are all the company I need

"Ah, Perry the Platypus! Don't shake too much or you'll make the laser sharks angry and- no, hey! the insurance doesn't cover laser damage to the roo- yeah, that's better thank you. You might be wondering what this is all about- you see, noone has decided to play ME so far so- BEHOLD, THE HEINZ DOOFEN-INATOR! (patent pending) WITH THIS DEVICE I SHALL HIJACK ONE UNLUCKY ROLEPLAYER'S DRAFTS AND SLOWLY BUT SURELY CONSUME THE WHOLE THING THEN THE OTHER POSTS ON THE DASH, THEN THE WHOLE BEING DISNEY PAGE, THEN- HEY! HEY, DON'T DO THA- I'M NOT DONE WITH MY EVIL MONOLOGUE!"

*DEAD HAND - anakin ft. IA English (Ferry Cover)  (TW  Nuclear Warfare mention) Major Francis Monogram

Oh this is overwhelming, time for the iron curtain call The panic is seeping through the fractured border wall My livid heart powers this reactor core “Oh this is all wrong” but I don’t mind at all Turn up the volume, execute the protocol You know it’s M.A.D. and it’s all about to blow What an unfortunate way to end this show I shed a tear as you vanish in the snow

Francis had zero interest in dealing with anyone's shit (save for his own or his son's, that is) ever again; He'd done his time and the whole thing during the fucking Cold War had done a number on his nerves.

He still could remember how all seemed lost, an adequately mad situation (of Mutually Assured Destruction, that is) had come to pass and everyone in the HQ was losing his mind and running around like a bunch of headless chickens-

-until he very calmly pressed a couple of buttons and the thing was ok once more. Some people cried, some people laughed, some people shouted.

(Dramatic bitches, all of them. They didn't have to cause a scene just because of the fucking coffee machine)

That was one of many situations that made him love his retirement and not want to let go of it.

*Gasoline - Halsey (Captain) John Silver

You're part of a machine, you are not a human being With your face all made up, living on a screen Low on self esteem, so you run on gasoline

'Phantom limb pain' sounded way cooler than it actually was. Silver would rather call it 'a pain in the ass' any day, but that'd be a misnomer since what hurt was his stupid (lack of) arm and not his ass and he was not risking some smartass trying to make a joke about his butt, thank you very fucking much.

Like, fuck, 'phantom pain' could be a sick name for a metal (heh) band. And hiding things inside his prosthetic was one of the few perks the whole thing offered, just like the fact that he could smack people with the thing without having to bother about hurting himself or dealing with that pain.

However, during that cold night he couldn't think of any possitives about the damned thing and cursed his rotten luck, his (lack of) arm and the thoughts that came along with them.

[bloodbrothcrs]

whaddup, i’m rach i’m twenty-three and i never fken learned how to do a proper intro. dsfghjkl. all joking aside, helo to all u angels i’m here to bring you my all time fa Ve aka miss lydia martin aka like every character ever … she deserved better ya’ll. will my love for her be the death of me ?? … probably. anyway !! click below for a little more info about this redheaded angel, and i’d love to get some plots going w/ya’ll bc ya girl loves some drama n connections and overall just … gimmie the love.

˖ ✧ — 𝙨𝙥𝙤𝙩𝙩𝙚𝙙! lydia martin from teen wolf in the flesh! the twenty-two year old holland roden lookalike is notorious for being intelligent and charismatic. but if you get close enough, you’ll learn that they’re obstinate and sarcastic. anytime i see the cisfemale banshee, i think of bright red lipstick to compliment strawberry blonde locks, an array of books spread among a table reserved for tired eyes, the clicking of heels against flooring as though to announce her presence in a room. don’t tell anyone i told you, but i heard she’s been so overwhelmed with the voices in her head as of late it’s prevented her from sleeping most nights, warranting her to turn to sleeping medication for some peace of mind.

u have been warNed i can’t intro && it’s been a hot sec since i was in a tumblr rp so i apologize for ... everything from here onward. 

anyway !! i’m keeping lydia very much canon up until the end of teen wolf, so all the struggles, happiness, sadness, every memory and everything she endured in the show is being kept intact. i’m basically going to kind of fill the gaps for the last few years and leave room for some plots to happen in-between.

as mentioned in the show, lydia heads to mit in cambridge, ma, as a junior. while it doesn’t tell us what she’s studying i honestly just guess it’ll be mathematics, and i could also see her taking classes in chemistry, or even women’s and gender studies. she’d be eager to challenge herself, and maybe to try to take her mind off of the panic of being so far from beacon hills and her friends.

since she’s now twenty-two, and originally entered university as a junior i’m going to go ahead and say she graduated in the last couple of months ( ugh @ the tw gang all the cute canons of them being at eachothers graduations tho ). however, she was still in a TA position in one of the local highschools within massachusetts up until the recent winter break.

now for how lydia wound up in cherryville. i’ve kind of decided that lydia has probably only been in the little town for maybe a fortnight at best? she’s probably staying in one of the local motels/b&b’s and possibly at this point looking for a roomie or even somewhere more permanent to live. but anyway! this is kind of how i seen it happening, given the fact she’s a banshee, and has in the past had a tenancy to wound up in places without being fully conscious  or aware she’s going there, that’s how i pictured it happening. she was having this draw or this pull, and considering she’s been having a struggle with the voices in her head lately, figured that if she let it guide her it might lead her to a solution to quiet the noise. 

one night she got in her car and she didn’t stop driving for HOURS until she wound up in sweet lil cherryville. i’m going to throw it out there as a possible plot that she might’ve even gotten out of her car and was just stood somewhere in the town square completely out of it, so if you want your character to have come across her and shake her from that little trance ?? there’s a possible plot i guess ?? which could definitely seem strange if it was a human who stumbled upon her with no idea about the supernatural ... they’d probably just think she was straight up cray.

anyway, since that night lydia has stuck around cherryville, determined to find out what the pull was to draw her here in the first place. she’s extremely sus and paranoid about the whole thing, and has been doing her fair bit of snooping around. 

oh also !! i should mention that at the moment she’s working for nate archibald for the spectator, he caught on to her investigative work and was highly impressed by her, so she’s now practically his right hand women. lydia agreed to the job position as she figured it would give her reason to snoop around cherryville, it was an excuse to use if anyone questioned her. 

okay so !! i think that’s ... it ??? if you’re not at all familiar with lydia/the teen wolf universe i would happily link u to her wiki page so you can get a more in-dept explanation ination of her character,  or i literally would talk about this angel for hours on end so i’d happily explain her myself in more detail!

okay, i’m gonna stop rambling now, pls hit up those dms if you wanna plot w/my angel i definitely want all the drama/connections/anything !! <3

[risalei-nur]

TAFSIR: Risale-i Nur: The Words Collection:The Thirty First Word .Part 14

Fifth fruit: Another fruit is that this event made it understood that humanity is a valuable fruit of the universe and a darling beloved of the Maker of the universe. Though outwardly an insignificant creature, a weak animal, and an impotent conscious being, humanity has risen through this fruit to a position so far above all other creatures that it is the cause of pride for us. The joy and happiness it gives is indescribable. If you tell an ordinary private that he has been promoted to the rank of field-marshal, he will feel infinite joy. While being a mortal, helpless, reasoning, and articulating animal knowing only the blows of decay and separation, we were told unexpectedly through the Ascension: As you may realize all your heart’s desires in an everlasting Paradise, enveloped by the Mercy of an All-Merciful, All-Compassionate, and All-Magnificent One, and in recreation, in traveling with the speed of imag-ination and in the broad sphere of the spirit and the mind, you also may see His All-Beautiful “Countenance” in eternal happiness.

Imagine the great joy and happiness one who is truly human will feel in his or her heart upon hearing this. O unbelievers, tear the shirt of denial and irreligion and put on the ears of a believer and the eyes of a Muslim. Consider the following two comparisons.

 First comparison: Suppose we are in an unfriendly land in which every-thing and everyone is hostile and strange to us and to each other. Dreadful corpses are everywhere. All we hear are cries of orphans and laments of the oppressed. While there in that situation, if one goes and brings the good news from the king, which somehow changes hostility into friendship; enemies into friends; dreadful corpses into worshippers occupied with praising and glorifica-tion, in veneration and humility; cries and wailings into shouts of approval or acclamation; and death, killing, and robbery into discharges from life’s duties— and if we somehow share the joy and happiness of others, while experiencing our own joy and happiness, you can understand how joyful that tiding is.

 Prior to the light of belief, a fruit of Prophet Muhammad’s Ascension, all creatures seemed to be strange, harmful, troublesome, and frightening objects. Mountain-like bodies seemed like dreadful corpses, death cut off everyone’s head and threw it into the well of eternal non-existence, and all voices were cries of lament coming from death and separation. At a time when misguidance presented everything in such a way, the truths contained in the pillars of belief, a fruit of the Ascension, showed every creature as a friend or sibling, something that mentions and glorifies its All-Majestic Maker, death as a discharge from life’s duties, and voices as praises and glorifications of God. If you want to com-prehend this truth perfectly, refer to the Second and Eighth Words.

 Second comparison: Suppose we are trapped at night in a desert sand-storm. We cannot see even our hands and are hungry, thirsty, hopeless, and exposed. Just then, someone appears unexpectedly with a car and takes us to a Paradise-like place, where an extremely merciful lord welcomes us and extends his protection to us. Our future has been secured, and a banquet has been prepared for us. You can well imagine our great happiness.

 The desert is the world, and the sandstorm is the violent disturbances of time and events. All of us are anxious about our future. Since we look at it through the view of misguidance, we see it in a thick darkness. No one we know can hear our cries. Moreover, we are very hungry and thirsty. But thanks to the pillars of belief, ways of worship and principles of good conduct that Prophet Muhammad brought as a fruit of the Ascension, the world is the guest-house of an extremely Munificent One and we are His guests and officers. In such a guest-house, the future appears as beautiful as Paradise, as love-ly as mercy, and as brilliant as eternal happiness. Given this, understand how lovely, pleasant, and beautiful that fruit is.

The unbeliever remarks: “Boundless praise and gratitude be to Almighty God! I am convinced and reject my unbelief. I am a believer.” We congrat-ulate you, and may God Almighty include us in His Messenger’s intercession.

 O God, bestow blessings from the beginning of the world until the end of the Day of Judgment, on him by whose sign the moon split, and from whose fingers water gushed forth like the spring of Paradise; who made the Ascension and whose eyes did not swerve— our master Muhammad, and on his Family and Companions.

 All-Glorified are You! We have no knowledge save what You have taught us. Surely You are the All-Knowing, the All-Wise.

 O Lord, accept from us (all our good deeds); surely You are the All-Hearing, the All-Knowing. Our Lord, take us not to task if we forget or make mistakes. O Lord, do not let our hearts swerve after You have guided us. O Lord, complete our light for us and forgive us. Surely You have full power over all things. The conclusion of their call will be: “All praise and gratitude are for God, the Lord of the Worlds.”

[themurphyzone]

Oneshot: Perry the Pomeranian

AU of Got Game? where Perry is a human. Yes, this is the episode where Heinz entered Perry into a dog show. 

Heads up: This whole scenario is a bit less innocent when two people are involved. I’m not really sure what to tag this as to be honest, If you think I should tag something please let me know, because some of this leans a bit towards roleplay. There will be lots of awkwardness and embarrassing situations! 

He didn’t get paid enough for this. 

Perry dragged himself into his seat for mission briefing, exhausted from climbing several long flights of stairs. Of course the elevator was broken. And just when he thought his equipment was in good shape that week. 

Major Monogram was already onscreen. He raised an eyebrow, and Perry slowly corrected his posture to make it look like he was paying the utmost attention. 

“There you are, Agent P. Sorry about the stairs, our elevator maintenance guy is on a corporate retreat with our slide-waxing guy,” Major Monogram stated. 

Liar. He didn’t sound sorry.  

“Anyway, our intelligence tells us that Doofenshmirtz has been shopping around for a show dog. We need you to infiltrate the pet store and uncover his evil plan. Carl, send him the mission outfit.” 

“Sending!” Carl exclaimed from offscreen. 

A containment unit rose from the ground, revealing a fuzzy ginger and cream onesie. A headband with floppy ears was attached to the front. 

Perry hated this mission already. 

“Anyway, I'm goin' home early. It's taco night. Ha-ha!” Monogram laughed. 

The screen faded to black. 

Perry folded the onesie, stuffing it beneath his coat so he could smuggle it into the house. 

And to smuggle it into the house, he needed to climb the stairs. 

The super-long, super-exhausting staircase of absolute madness. 

Perry sighed. 

The owner of the My Little Doggies pet store didn’t notice Perry slip in. She didn’t even question why there was an enormous Pomeranian by the front window. 

Perry had snagged a spare dog cushion and taken a spot where he would easily be visible to people coming in. Since most of the customers were only buying supplies for pets they already owned, Perry didn’t need to discourage them from purchasing him. 

He had to consciously resist wrinkling his nose at the idea of being purchased. 

He couldn’t smudge the makeup he’d borrowed from Linda’s kit. It took way too long to smear a passable imitation of a dog nose on his face. 

“Yes, I'm looking for a purebred show dog,” a familiar voice said. 

He must’ve missed Heinz coming in. Perry sat up to make himself more noticeable. This entire mission hinged on making himself appealing enough for Heinz to buy. 

“Well, we have various award-winning breeds to choose from,” the owner replied, gesturing to several dogs in their kennels. 

Heinz glanced over each of them, frowning when none of the canines seemed to meet his criteria. He opened his mouth to ask the owner another question, but paused the moment he saw Perry. 

“Ooh! What about him?” Heinz gasped, grinning madly as he tore across the room to where Perry was sitting. 

Perry kept his face impassive as Heinz’s long fingers stroked underneath his chin. 

Heinz wasn’t rough at all. His fingers were practically dancing across Perry’s skin. 

“He's perfect! Coochie-coochie-coo!” Heinz squealed as he tickled the faux fur on Perry’s chest. “You’re Doctor D's precious little puppy, aren't you?” 

Perry rolled his eyes. 

Heinz really needed to work harder on his evil credibility. 

“Sir, I'm not even sure if that's a dog,” the owner protested. She peered at Perry’s teal hair suspiciously. 

Perry froze. She’d blow his cover if he didn’t do something to make her believe he was a real dog! 

What would a real dog do? 

Perry’s eyes fell on a terrier who was sniffing a chihuahua’s butt. 

New question. What would a real dog do that would leave about seventy percent of his dignity intact? 

An idea finally came to him. 

He rolled onto his back, completely exposing his belly. It was risky to be in such a vulnerable position, but this would aid his goal in the long run. Heinz made a strange noise in the back of his throat, taking the invitation to vigorously rub Perry’s stomach. 

Perry kept a hand on his headband to make sure it stayed in place. Fortunately, Heinz seemed to view this as a cute gesture. 

“He loves belly rubs, and that’s good enough for me,” Heinz told the owner. “I get a big alimony check every month, so money's no object.” 

The owner rubbed her hands in glee. “In that case, he’s ten thousand dollars.” 

Once the transaction was completed, Heinz returned to nuzzling Perry. “Aw, who’s a little cutie? You are, yes you are!” he cooed. 

Perry turned his head away from Heinz so the makeup on his nose didn’t smudge from the face nuzzles he was receiving. 

Heinz broke off the nose-to-nose contact with a wicked grin. “You’re my ticket into the Danville Dog Show. Together, we’ll make them pay for all I’ve suffered.” 

Ah, a backstory scheme and not an eliminate-the-annoyance scheme. 

“Back when I was just a little schtumpel, my father came home with a brand-new spitzenhound puppy that he won in a game of Poke the Goozim With a Stick,” Heinz narrated.  “My father said the dog was like the son he never had...and named him Only Son.” 

Perry winced. Heinz didn’t notice and stroked him absentmindedly. 

“Only Son became an award-winning show dog, bringing my father fame and fortune, while I was forced to be the lawn gnome. You remember that story with my neighbor Kenny?” 

Perry tensed. Heinz was terrible with disguises! Why did today have to be the day Heinz recognized him? 

“ I don't have to go through...okay,” Heinz said. He straightened up, and Perry hesitated, unwilling to follow him off the cushion. He couldn’t scuff up his hands and knees by crawling around like a baby. It would be absolute murder on his back too. 

But at least his previous worry was unfounded. Heinz had already changed the topic. 

“To recap, my entire fragile self-esteem is totally dependent on your performance today at the dog show. You know, no pressure,” Heinz said as he exited the store. Realizing that Perry wasn’t following him, he frowned. “The dog show is that way.” 

“Sir, the city has leash laws,” the owner piped up. She clipped a red leash to Perry’s collar before handing the other end to Heinz. “That’ll be ten dollars.” 

“Extortionist,” Heinz muttered. He tossed a crumpled bill into her hand and stormed off, only to be tugged back by Perry’s refusal to budge. “Time’s a-wastin’, Puffy! You know what? I’m totally calling you that now. Puffy the Pomeranian has a nice ring to it, don’t you think?” 

Perry balked. Anyone who chose to name another living being ‘Puffy’ was pure evil. 

A leash was sort of like a trap, right? Heinz had restrained him with more uncomfortable things before. 

Heinz smirked, as if that had been his brilliant plan along. 

Having enough, Perry decided to throw caution to the wind. He stood up and followed Heinz out the store, causing the owner to swoon and faint from the shock. 

“Oh, cool!” Heinz exclaimed. “You can do that bipedal thing like a secret agent! No idea where you learned that, but that gives us a leg up on the competition!” 

Perry allowed Heinz to take the lead, walking behind him at a comfortable pace. 

“So yesterday I was watching Ambivalence,” Heinz said. “It’s this show where the couple has this weird relationship and they’re constantly bickering over the most trivial things. Like who argues over how many chocolate chips you can put into a freshly baked cookie? Does anyone ever count those things? So in the latest episode, Troy was revealed to be an ancient Greek warrior who was flung into the future by Aphrodite and cursed so that he never could hold on to a romantic relationship again. Then again, it was obvious in hindsight. All the guy ever checked out at the library were books on classical mythology.” 

Intrigued, Perry didn’t interrupt him as Heinz explained the subtler bits of foreshadowing. He’d have to check out the show in his spare time. 

“No, no! It’s Heinz Doofenshmirtz!” Heinz snapped. “You know, rhymes with hurts!” 

“Heinz Doofenshultz?” 

“Doof. En. Shmirtz,” Heinz drawled each syllable. 

The attendant at registration raised an eyebrow. “I see,” she finally said. “Heinz Doofenshmidt, entering your bich…”

Perry prayed some random invention would fall from the sky on top of her, but that only worked when the person verbally invoking fate wasn’t expecting it.

“…on frise.”

“Puffy’s a Pomeranian,” Heinz retorted. “Not a Belgian freeze or whatever you just said.” 

“Isn’t he a little bipedal to be a Pomeranian?” the attendant asked.

“Yes, yes he is. So are we in now?” 

“Yeah, fine. You’re in the toy breed section.”  

The attendant quickly handed him a slip, obviously wanting Heinz to stop holding up the line. 

Oblivious to the angry glares he was receiving from the people behind him, Heinz marched off with Perry in tow. 

While the other competitors paraded their obedient dogs around for the judges, Perry watched Heinz for any signs of evildoing. 

“Don't worry about your lack of training and experience, because I have an ace in the hole!” Heinz exclaimed, pulling out a ray gun from his lab coat pocket. “Behold! The Misbehave-inator! It, Does what the name implies. Watch this!”

He zapped a poodle, who took a large chomp out of his handler’s arm. Other dogs quickly followed suit, and soon the arena was filled with screams as dogs filled the arena with holes and demanded subjugation from the humans. 

“Nothing can stop us now!” Heinz cackled. 

Taking that as his cue, Perry wrapped both of his hands around Heinz’s arm and threw him to the ground, forcing him to drop the Misbehave-inator. Perry snatched the device, then sprinted over to a rope that was attached to the upper level of the convention center. 

“Hey, what was all that about?” Heinz demanded, slightly dazed from the force of Perry’s throw. 

Perry ripped off the headband and replaced it with his fedora. 

“Perry the Pomeranian?” 

Rolling his eyes, Perry ripped off the Pomeranian suit, glad to finally be rid of it. Good thing he’d worn his blue collared shirt and brown slacks underneath. 

“Perry the Platypus!” Heinz yelped. He ducked his head, refusing to make eye contact with Perry. A blush spread across his face until his head vaguely resembled a misshapen tomato. “I named you ‘Puffy’...with the whole leash thing...and the cootchie-cootchie-coo stuff too, and...oh man, this isn’t being televised is it? Wait, were you wearing your normal suit under the Pomeranian outfit the entire time? Weren’t you hot with all those layers?” 

Leaving the question unanswered, Perry ascended the rope with the Misbehave-inator in hand. 

“Hey, bring back my Misbehave-inator!” Heinz shrieked. Perry felt the rope tighten as Heinz pursued him. “And you have some explainin’ to do, Mr. I Let My Nemesis Walk Me Around the City on a Leash Because I Have a Complete Disregard for His Evil Reputation!” 

Perry grabbed hold of the landing skid on a low-flying helicopter, smirking as he made his escape with the Misbehave-inator. Then something clamped down on his leg, and Perry quickly held the Misbehave-inator out of Heinz’s evil clutches. 

The device fired yellow beams all over the place as they grappled for control. Finally, Heinz threw himself across Perry’s chest in a last-ditch effort. But the helicopter shifted upwards, throwing Heinz off-balance when he overshot his desired prize. 

Heinz fell through the roof of the My Little Doggies store and landed in a dog kennel. 

Karma had never felt so good before. 

Many months later....

“Happy birthday, Perry the Platypus!” Heinz shouted, popping out from behind his couch. Of course, Perry knew he was there since stealth wasn’t Heinz’s strong suit, but he still pretended to be surprised. 

And it wasn’t actually his birthday, but everybody just seemed to pick a random day to celebrate it anyway, so he was used to it. 

Heinz slid a present over to him, unable to stop twitching as Perry carefully unwrapped the bow and opened the box. 

Inside was an exact replica of the Pomeranian suit he’d worn for the Misbehave-inator mission.

Heinz grinned innocently. “What? Ginger and cream really complements your skin tone!” 

[ickaimp]

[Perryshmirtz Week] Reversal

600 words of fluff, a thematic mirror to ‘Inherited Behaviors’

••••

"I've got you now, Perry the Platy...." Heinz trailed off as the smoke cleared and instead of a teeny tiny Agent P, something much larger stepped forward. "Huh."

It was still Perry the Platypus, that much was clear, even if the fedora was much, much smaller than it was supposed to be. However, Perry the Platypus was now much, much bigger.

Heinz had to look up to see Perry the Platypus' bill. And eyes. Sharp intelligence and not a minor bit of annoyance sparkled in those dark brown eyes. Massive arms, no longer the cute little limbs he was used to, moved forward towards him, giant hands outstretched.

Heinz didn't even bother attempting to duck or dodge the incoming blow, there was no point in it, not at this close range. With a small muted whimper, closed his eyes and braced himself for impact instead, both arms up to protect his head. "Oh, this is going to hurt."

It didn't.

That didn't mean he was exactly prepared to be picked up, hands grabbing the back of his lab coat like a kitten being held by the scruff of their neck. The sensation of his feet leaving the floor made his stomach flip uncomfortably, and he grabbed onto Perry the Platypus's hand, images of being flung like from a catapult going through his head.

He kept his tongue as Perry the Platypus moved, footsteps loud in his lair, no longer the cute little 'slap slap slap' sound. Perry the Platypus only moved a little ways, leaning against a wall before sitting down, and pulling Heinz to his chest, arms wrapping around his skinny frame like metal bands.

Heinz could hear Perry the Platypus' heartbeat loudly from where he was sitting, the agent's heartbeat faster than his. Granted an active platypus' heartbeat was twice that of a human adult's, but it was sill strange to hear it from this angle.

Heinz shifted, squirming around a bit to see if he could break free, but he was stuck. It wasn't uncomfortable, just a little odd.

Perry the Platypus let out a soft sigh, tense muscles relaxing as he let out a happy chitter, that at this angle sounded a lot like a purr. After a moment, his nemesis started petting the back of his head, and Heinz went limp.

Oh, it had been ages.

He was reminded of when he lived with his ocelot family, how Mama would grab him by the scruff of his neck, carry him off somewhere safe, and pin him down. Sometimes she'd even groom him, rough tongue against his hair until it was sticking up in all directions.

He remembered relaxing against her and his siblings, knowing he was warm and safe with them, the sounds of their purrs filling his ears.

He pressed his face to Perry the Platypus' odd coat, which were still dense and smooth to the touch even at this size, just a little longer. He wiggled his fingertips against the dense fur-feathers mixture, letting out a contented sigh.

It was just a little strange, they weren't usually this touchy-feely. He'd almost call this cuddling except they were nemesis. Which left...

"Perry the Platypus, do you have me trapped?" Heinz asked, his voice cracking in incredulity on the last word.

His nemesis made a low rumble that sounded a lot like snickering.

"No need to sound so pleased about it, Perry the Smug-apus." Heinz grumbled, shifting around until he was more comfortable.

The effects of the inator would only last so long after all. They'd be back to fighting each other soon enough, he wanted to enjoy this while he could.

-fin-

[grifalinas]

In the third and fourth dimension, Perry is a human.

-/-

It had been a weird day for Heinz. First Perry had failed to turn up for work, then a couple of boys in a giant shuttlecock had landed on his Inator, and then a disheveled guy in a teal waistcoat had turned up and tried to talk the boys out of helping him do the repairs on his machine. Which was really rude, after all, they had been the ones to break it, it was only right they help fix it and, erm, made it actually work.

But then things had gotten really weird because it had turned out that in this new dimension Heinz was the man in charge, which, okay, so that wasn’t too weird but it was strange that he had actually succeeded in his evil plans so neatly. Heinz had been trying to find out why when the kids and that rude guy had interrupted him, and the other Heinz had gone on about the rude guy being Perry the Platypus, which was absurd. Perry the Platypus wore a hat, and was very professional and put together. This was just a guy with teal hair.

And... then he wasn’t just a guy with teal hair, he was Perry the guy with teal hair, and the kids were feeling hurt, and he was trying to calm them down, making distressed chittering noises with each verbal blow-

And then the weirdest part had happened.

“Tea, love?”

They arguments stopped as a platform lowered from the ceiling carrying... Perry the Platypus. Or, this dimension’s Perry the Platypus, obviously, going by the black shirt and pants he wore instead of the white shirt and brown pants. His hat was black now too, but unmistakable. And he was carrying a tea tray. The other Heinz made a delighted noise and pirrhouetted over to him.

“Ah, schatz, what wonderful timing! Look who came to visit!”

“Perry the Platypus?!” Heinz squawked, stunned. a million thoughts racing through his head. The first one to find its way to his mouth was, “Wait, you can talk?” He snapped around to his own Perry. “You can talk?”

His Perry shrugged. All eyes in the room were on Heinz now, and he turned back to the other two, ticking-clock-based background music reigning while the rest of his thoughts tried to organize themselves.

Suddenly, another one hit him.

“Schatz?!”

“There it is.”

[inumbro]

a collection of some of the ama answers, all the twitter posts, and all of red posts on the boards about zed & some related topics that I can find from the last ~1.5 years (with a few exceptions), so that I have all this info in one spot for reference

organised based first by topic, then by rioter

if anyone has any jhin / xayah / rakan / vastaya related information that I missed I’d appreciate a link so I can add it bc there’s not nearly as much not-officially-canon-canon information on those connections as I remember there being!

Morals:

WAAARGHbobo said:

No. He is, if anything, a hardline nationalist and federalist.

WAAARGHbobo said:

Zed is, indeed, much more complicated than you think. But he is definitely not a nice person.

@miketmccarthy said:

At the moment, [Akali] does not align with [Zed’s] philosophy. He killed Shen’s father and master. Although they are both aggressive, Akali is inherently good and Zed, well, notsomuch.

Shadow magic:

WAAARGHbobo said:

...A wizard has a different, more studious, and analytical way of accessing magic — but arguably a shaman has a more inate connection to spirit magic. While warriors like Zed, Shen, and Kayn have studied a different way to access magical power—

The strenght of the connection, the control, and the narrowness of focus are all important variables...

@LaurieGolding said:

... but Shadow Magic had not been practiced in Runeterra for a long time, before Zed started. Jax hasn't had time to master it in the ~10 years since then!

Kayn:

Scathlocke said:

Kayn's principal conflict is almost not with Rhaast at all, but Zed. It is very likely that his master sent him to retrieve the weapon knowing that it would be the ultimate test for his protege - either it would destroy him, or he would conquer the Darkin and become a worthy new leader for the Order of Shadow.

Basically, Kayn and Zed have a super-complicated "adopted father" type of relationship going on. Rhaast is more like Lady Macbeth, in this current situation.

@LaurieGolding said:

I think [Kayn’s] shadow-form is what Kayn and Zed both hope the outcome will be - he's been given a near-impossible task by his master, as a true and final test of his worthiness to one day lead the Order of Shadow. If he fails, the weapon will consume him.

It's interesting, because both Zed and Swain seem to have engineered their plans for succession into their own rise to power. Both of them seem to say "You can have my job... IF you can take it!"

@LaurieGolding said:

Kayn is a singularly gifted student, but Zed gave him the hardest test imaginable - to withstand the power of a Darkin. ...

Jaredan said:

I wouldn't take the horror of Kayn's experience as typical of Noxus's approach or attitude to recruitment. The Ionia conflict saw some very strange things happen within the Noxian military and beyond. I can't talk about them yet. But that day will come.

@miketmccarthy said:

I think a lot of that will come out later... Zed has had a complicated run in his life, he wants a successor, and I believe he hopes Kayn is 'the one' and time will tell whether or not he can be that. Zed saved Kayn from certain death, trained him, raised him. He cares.

Interlocutioner said:

Link to Zed: Functionally, they're master and apprentice. But in truth, I think they have a deeper relationship than that. Zed sees himself in Kayn. An orphan with a gift and a drive that others can't control, no matter how much they try. No matter how much Zed tries, in Kayn's case, lol. I think Zed might also see something he could never be in Kayn. Kayn's link to the shadow is deep, for whatever reason. Maybe Zed hopes this is a sign that Kayn could do better than him? Ultimately succeed him? And he may have other, darker motives as well.

I think Kayn's respect for Zed is just as deep. Unfortunately, he's in the process of convincing himself that the only way he can prove himself to his father figure is by becoming something more than Zed wants him to be. Stronger than Zed. Strong enough to defeat him, if necessary.

They have a bond, but it will be tested.

...

I just mean their bond will be tested by Kayn's possession of Rhaast, if nothing else.

Kinkou + Jhin:

Jaredan said:

The characters you mentioned [Shen, Zed, Jhin] are very important to each other's lives going forward...

Jaredan said:

Shen, Zed, and Jhin, sitting in a tree. K. I. L. L. I. N. G.

In their history, Jhin is absolutely an antagonist. But Shen doesn't look at Zed with any kind of fondness, only with betrayal. The man he thought was his brother murdered his father, the person that Shen defined himself by.

However, it's true that Shen can't give into his own immediate, visceral anger. Perhaps he even tells himself he doesn't hold that anger against Zed. His job does require him to hold that inner balance to perform it. It's a role that he does partly in honor of his father. Still, if Shen told you he isn't angry, would you believe him?

When he has two worlds balanced on the edge of a blade, how long any man keep his hand steady?

I'm not going to talk about where their story might be headed in specifics, but those are the things that are involved in our thinking.

Jaredan said:

Yup, though Shen and Zed's relationship is a bit more complicated than Tobias and Malcolm's. Zed and Shen also have more complicated personalities and responsibilities than TF and Graves (that's not a challenge when it comes to Graves especially, he's a to-the-point kind of fellow).

Scathlocke said:

Shen is most likely seeing quite a few parallels between Zed's path, and Akali's. There is some significant crossover in their ideology, and they both rejected the Kinkou Order in some way... but Zed rejects the notion of "balance" as weak, and is more than happy to use any/all means at his disposal. Akali is certainly not there, yet!

Thermal_Kitten said:

Akali knows the cost of Zed’s break with the Kinkou. Zed was training alongside Shen, but after their first run in with Jhin, Zed began to have second thoughts. (We updated Zed’s bio to add more context and details surrounding this.)

...

As far as the Order of Shadow and the Kinkou, they don’t exactly work together, it’s more they tend to keep out of each other’s territory and see to Ionia’s future in their own ways. If it came to a direct disagreement, it could come to blows.

WAAARGHbobo said:

Jhin give us a chance to show that Ionia is in transition. The attack on their nation changed them. They are embracing technology they had previously thought unnecessary, and they are questioning their morale foundations. Jhin is the true villain of Zed and Shen's story-- and he represents everything that could go wrong for Ionia.

The Noxus-Ionia war:

Scathlocke said:

Seven years since Swain seized power and commanded the Noxian armies to leave Ionia.

@LaurieGolding said:

Noxus has a HUGE military presence off the main coast of Ionia - the First Lands are so concerned with restoring balance after they "won" the war, they've failed to notice that Noxus hasn't actually abandoned the island of Fae'lor, for example...

@LaurieGolding said:

The Great Stand at Navori was about ten years ago, and she was something like 14 then. Swain seized control of Noxus roughly three years later and ended the war in Ionia.

@LaurieGolding said:

Noxus was originally supposed to be persuading Ionia to join the empire, which of course became an occupation, then a war. They didn't intend to pillage/destroy... But it seems Darkwill was actually looking for magical stuff to extend his life, so who knows? (LeBlanc, maybe?)

@LaurieGolding said:

The death toll was catastrophic, certainly. But also, Ionia has been marked with a big, bloody Noxian handprint that they'll never be able to wash away - the soul of the First Lands has been changed forever... Was that Swain's plan all along? It's hard to say.

Vastaya:

Q&A:

Why is there a rebellion? Is Zed doing something with magic that affects the vastaya and are they dying as a result?

Not dying, but magical essence sustains their continued existence. The less magic there is, the fewer resources there are to support vastayan life and tradition. Other humans tap into or twist up the same magic source that the Lhotlan vastaya need to survive. This is not necessarily a moral thing, good people do bad things for good reasons, unaware of the consequences it causes others. Zed and his people are unknowingly or uncaringly accelerating the drain of the magical energy though they are absolutely not alone in doing this. This is aggravating the growing tension between humans and some vastayan tribes in Ionia - and directly violates the agreements that were forged between species.

Miscellaneous:

In response to:

Then Zed decided to pull a Sasuke because he couldn't deal with someone being better/picked over him.

Jaredan said:

Zed's issues run a bit deeper than that.

WAAARGHbobo said:

[referring to the wild magic video] It is not a part of the timeline. Promotion team just takes inspiration from the lore-- they do not make stuff within the timelines. Because... uh.. Reasons? Well you'd have to ask them.

WAAARGHbobo said:

So as the guy who did this, and Jhin’s lore...

The character you love hasn’t changed.

This simply expands the timeline and shows how Zed’s descent can be understood from his own perspective.

This timeline was actually done during Jhin, and the goal was to give Zed’s fall a slower, more human, less arch, trajectory.

Timeline (rough from my phone):

Shen and Zed are students together and bros. Zed is clearly the better, more talented student.

Kusho takes the two young teenagers undercover chasing “the golden demon”

Jhin crime scenes traumatized zed. (And shen)

Zed begans to struggle with his studies.

Kusho catches but refuses to kill Jhin. Zed loses respect for his master.

Zed begins to study forbidden shadow magic. —gets in trouble.

Leaves.

Noxus invades —zed witness war crimes. Kusho’s refusal to help the war effort is the last straw, Zed is no longer sympathetic or allied to the kinkou. While not directly opposed to them— he begins to view the kinkou as rivals.

Zed forms his own order— related to the Navoi militia group. (Spelling?)

Some vastaya tribes looking for a better deal, ally with the Noxus. Others fight for Ionia. Zed begins hostility with non- humans.

The war is tough, zed returns to the take the last of the shadow magic. Kusho tries to stop him.

Zed kills his master, shen’s dad.

Shen becomes the eye of twilight.

Kayn.

The war ends.

Zed begins consolidating power. Trains kayn. (He continues hostility with noxus, growing hostility with many Vastaya tribes.)

Harrowing mists begin to bother the southern Ionia sea ports.

Kayn gets raaast (around here i think)

Jhin is frees.... by someone

Zed finds out jhin is free. contacts Shen.

Jhin heads to zaun.

[pandoramusicbox]

so human kin. very diverse, very wide spread, and here are a few examples. humans come in all shapes and sizes, especially in scalipia, julilner and aulkyili.  so humans are known to be quite adaptable, but still somehow rather homogeneous, which is what separates them from Animakin, that and how magic interacts with them.  even so human kin can be quite diffrent looking. they can have a vast range in skin colors, though often towards a darker brown tone, though a more red-ish or yellowish done is not unusual depending on region and what chemical they have as pigment, some humankin even have grayish tone to their skin, especially around the blue forest.  humans can have horns, strange skin, fangs, strange ears, mouths or eyes and still be considered as human as the next. they can not have excess limbs or tails and still be human.  this is what excludes things like the long eared, vicker, a lot of trolls and jiants from being considered human.  theres a reason the subcategory of phodo-human or human-like is a category of anima kin the main sub-categories of human kin are  Rim- categorized by their small size, they are not to common in scalipia or aulkyili and are more common in julilner. usally between 3-5 ft (91.44-152.4 cm) in hight. Humans- the standerd look, im just going assume one knows what a human vaugely can look like. Elv- so the most common attribute that they are said to have are strange ears, often pointed. this is not actually why they are in their own category. they are in their own category because of sexual-dimorphism. the elv are thought to have possibly been the result of human and fairy mixing, but if thats the case it occurred so long ago no one can confirm. what this essentially boils down to is that substancial parts of their population are hemephrodites like the fay. or have other things going on. the percentage can range with extremes like the Hively at the most where near 100% of their population are hemehprodites to the Eln  with the least where ~5% are true hemephrodites and everything else is messy. they are currently a bit of a wip.  Eyed- theses guys are way more simple, so they either are born with more or less eyes than humans., these eyes dont exclusively appere on the face but that is where it is most common.the majority of eyed  a number of eyes between 3-6. less is rare and more is uncommon. monoculars (one eye aka cyclobs) are rare and often said to have magic to see into the future. this is both true and untrue. eyed can an have been born with two eyes, though they are often not in the standard alignment, but there have been a few cases where a human has married  an eyed unknowingly only to find out when they had kids with a strange number of eyes. they can also be born without eyes at all, but  thats a one in million chance., polynocular is the wide category for any eye with more than 7 eyes. the record for the individual with the most eyes is 23. Orge- larger size than normal humans. 6.5-10 ft (198.12-304.8 cm) witches- so witches is the name given to those of human kin born with magic. for both humankin and animakin inate magic is a recessive trait. generally carried on the X chromosome for humans. (its actually more common in people with two x chromosomes because of that.)  unlike anima- kin where most of the time you could guess what kind of magic you would have by your species, its just russian rullet of supper powers for human kin (and also a lot of phodo-humans). this is also evident for mages that are not born with power, as they develop a power unique to them.  thats an overview of humans, and this mostly focused on the central hemisphere. though the rules and groups are rather simular in the other two hemispheres.