#and the teachers did nothing even when she visibly got more upset and uncomfortable and got mad at the girl telling them to stop)

[vaugarde]

on my commute today i got like this fitness inspiration ad on youtube where it was like cheesy “defy the odds” kinda stuff and it blasted me back to high school where like this guy who had lost his arm as a kid came to the school and did like this really forced (well meaning but i hated it bc the student they had running it was the same girl calling me slurs and assaulting me with books and they took this opportunity to bully me further bc they kept insisting on being assigned to me) anti bullying session based around like “you can do P.E. without being fully able bodied” and again i personally hated it but my teacher that hosted it at the time just played the video and took the opportunity to just mock him for losing his arm and the whole class and her just laughed and joked about calling him “stumpy” or something and i feel like. this paints a decent picture of my high school personally

[deluluass]

Then, the dam breaks.

Content warnings: rape/noncon; nsfw; dacryphilia; mild infantilization

Kuroo's not a bad person. 

Not even by a long shot. "Bad" is willfully stretching out a leg, hidden like a predator among the bushes; hungry for an unknowing soul who's naively secured with their surroundings and the crack that resounds when face finally meets floor.

Or, murder! Murder is bad, he believes.  

No, Kuroo isn't capable of any of those things. He might seem like he has a mean streak about him. What, with his sharp tongue and that incorrigible self-satisfied smirk (according to Yaku) and his words that may or may not sting like a backhanded slap sometimes. But that's all in good humor. 

Well-deserved, too, when given to the right asshole. And if he does manage to get under the skin of the wrong person, Kuroo's not above offering an apology. 

And he means it. (Occasionally.)

There's no pleasure to be had, if anyone would ask. Because, again , he's not a bad guy. He's sly: he knows that much, though he wouldn't taunt someone into visible pain just for the thrill of it.

There's a method to all this. A purpose. Not a profound one, but a reason all the same. 

So he has to admit he's feeling kinda lost figuring out why, of all people, it just really had to be you. 

There wasn't much of an option to begin with.

Art clubs had already been full. The other ones, you weren't much interested in. And by the time you realized your homeroom teacher would stop at nothing to remind you that this year was your last chance to do something other than study and prepare for exams, for once— well, it had already been too late to reconsider joining those.

Then a flyer was handed out to you.

"V-volley," the boy trailed off. 

Try as you might but you couldn't recognize him. A feat, that, considering his blond mohawk that you could spot among a crowd of thousands. 

He seemed like he'd caught a nasty spell that prevented him from meeting anyone's eyes, even as you deliberately searched his face for any sign that he'd explain himself to you. Surely, he must have a lot to say after he'd outright ambushed you from entering the cafeteria. 

"You...want me to join?" 

You were on the verge of asking for more details, focusing on the black cat (though it didn't look like it) drawn on the center of the curiously damp paper, only to find out that you'd been conversing with an empty hallway. 

A soft grumble left you. 

"Weird," you concluded, barely a whisper. "Weird, weird, weird ."

You were the volleyball team's manager since then. 

"She's not much of a talker."

Lev hunched to his knees again, sounding very much like he's running out of breath.

It should've been Kuroo's cue to gently ( gently) tell him off, that Nekoma's ace would handle a minute of catching a ball with their face with much more tenacity than he does, or that Nekoma's ace shouldn't have to catch the ball with their face in the first place, period.

" Zoning out already, Ace? " he'd planned on jeering, but instead he followed the direction of the overgrown 10 year old's gaze. 

Someone was talking to you. 

Apologizing , was more like it, if the other student's incessant bowing until his torso fell from his body was any indication. You were outside of the gym, clipboard tucked under an arm, so it was impossible to catch a word you were saying.

Not that you were saying much. Or anything at all. You only nodded. And nodded again. And after what seemed like the world's loudest "I'm so sorry, senpai!",you immediately went back inside to refill the water bottles lined atop the bench. 

"Hey," Kenma sighed, the ball in his hand aimed for a toss. "Focus."

And the cycle of Lev being an utter disappointment to the blond setter continued. 

Kuroo let out a noncommittal hum, eyes never leaving you, trailing like a lost pup as you handed out water bottles to Nobuyuki and the others. 

"Not a talker, huh," he muttered to himself. 

How long has it been? Two weeks? Three, maybe? Kuroo could scarcely remember for how many days you'd been showing up to this sweaty pit to perform your duties. On the dot. Always. Without fail. 

What he does remember was the first day.

Chin up; head held high. You strutted into their lives as if you were leading an entire militia to battle and had no time to waste.  

He teased you for it when you'd already busied yourself with clean up duty a few minutes after your (short) ( extremely concise) introduction.

("Slow down there, general," he told you with a wry chuckle. He expected any reaction from you, really.)

(He just didn't expect you to actually slow down on your cleaning and pick up on the Coach's remaining paperwork right then and there, going through it like a forest fire.)

It would take him a few more days to realize that that's just how you are. 

Even when you rejected a tongue-tied Yamamoto when he tried to ask you out. For a meal. With the other boys, of course.

Even when you took a hurtling ball to your leg and lost your footing and had the whole team scrambling for a stretcher, only for you to stand on your good leg, tell everyone "I'm okay," and walk to the nurse's office on your own.

(Kuroo doesn't think he's seen someone limp with so much grace before.)

His throat suddenly felt incredibly dry. 

Water . Water was what he needed. 

Right. 

You didn't see him coming from across the court. You were sitting on the bench and your back was turned, scribbling on that clipboard propped on your lap, yet— like clockwork, your idle hand shot out to give him the last bottle to your left before he could even finish asking for one.

He felt his lips curve as he muttered his thanks around the lid.

"Say," Kuroo began.  

You were reading the things you wrote back to yourself. 

"Mind telling me what was that about?"

You paused. You blinked up at Kuroo. 

The attention hits him like a freight train. 

That clear as summer sky gaze, unclouded and bright. 

It's nuts how unreal it felt. How can something so elusive be now all on him. 

(Just for him.)

"Earlier," he added, licking his lips and feeling silly for the way his chest tightened. "Seemed kinda intense."

"He borrowed my notes," you said. Then back to the clipboard again. 

Kuroo made himself comfortable next to you, elbow propped on his knee as he rested his chin against an open palm.

"Got a test coming up?"

"Cram school. He's in the same class."

Of course .

"Of course," Kuroo grinned. "What happened? Heard the guy apologize to you like you were about to kill him."

Laughter bubbled out of his chest. Unfortunately, you didn't seem to find it as funny as he did. Pity. 

He sighed.

"Nothing too bad, I hope."  

The noise of ballpoint pen scratching against paper halted. 

From way at the back, Lev was prattling Kenma's ear off again. Kuroo guessed they were about to leave, walking away from the court, away from the gym and to god knows where. The whole team, too, for that matter.

Everyone seemed to have gone, diminished in that second. He couldn't hear them anymore, didn't bother to see if they're still there.

He was looking at you, after all. Really looking at you. Your grip on the pen was a tad severe, he thought; fingers determined to squeeze the ink out of the barrel. 

Your face betrayed nothing. Indeed, anyone could spare you a glance and immediately guess that this is just another empty chat between acquainted individuals, conversation just for the sake of it. 

Kuroo wasn't just anyone, though.

Chin up and head held high; as you'd always done. But Kuroo's close enough to see it now, unlike before: the gulps you take in between breaths; the falter in those eyes that only ever looked forward.

Chin up and head held high, but Kuroo sees now that the neck he could easily break with one hand is so tense it's essentially a string pulled too tight that's on the brink of snapping. 

Oh.

"Oh," Kuroo whispered.

Oh .

"He lost it didn't he?" Kuroo realized. "Your notes."

And it did snap.

"Just..!" You looked down and bunched your pants in your fist. "No. Of course not. It's nothing," you huffed, putting the ball pen's cap back on. 

You were leaving.

Kuroo stood up.

"You look upset, manager-san," he said softly, his larger frame blocking your attempts of escape. "It is bothering you, hm?"

"My notebook got-got ruined, sure," you said. "But juice stains aren't bothering me, Captain ."

There it is. You were meeting his gaze again. 

" Too late for that ," Kuroo thought. There's a stutter to your words when there had been none. 

Your arms are trembling and you look  uncomfortable. He should stop. He knows he should stop , but whatever it is he said is chipping away at that impenetrable wall and he doesn't get what's happening now but damn, damn if that tingle running down his spine doesn't feel so fucking good. 

"My bad," he chuckled. "Sorry."

He raised both his arms in a show of defeat. 

"I'm- it's fine," you said through gritted teeth. "If you would just— excuse me."

Kuroo shrugged a shoulder. 

"Sorry about your notes, still," he said. "Must've been important to you. We all know how much you take your studies very, very seriously." 

Kuroo smirked. "You shouldn't have let him have it then." 

That made you stop in your tracks. 

"What do you mean?" you sought, confusion breaking your voice into what sounds like the smallest it's ever been.

Kuroo felt his breath catch in his throat.

"He needed my help, though," you rushed. "I can't just turn people away." 

"Really?" Kuroo sniggered, eyebrows lifting in fascination. 

"Could've sworn you were good at it," he said; whispered it so lowly, you couldn't have heard it. But you did.

You heard him, all right. Loud and clear.

Because it was just like watching someone take a bullet to the heart. 

First, the disbelief. 

Skin, muscles, and ligaments weren't made to be broken like that. A person wasn't created to bleed to death. And when it happens, well, all one can ask is: how could someone hurt me like this? 

So you stand before him, immobile, disbelief written in those wide eyes, because how could he hurt me like this?

Then—

Then, the dam breaks.

Kuroo doesn't think that you know it; that you're gaping at him with tears streaming down your face; that you're falling apart and stripping yourself bare the more you try to temper those quivering lips with that cute little nibbling you do.  

Kuroo doesn't think you know it, too.

That no one has ever been as beautiful as you are, right in that very moment.

You're not a good person.

Not even by a long shot. "Good" is an open hand, warm and soft and prepared to accept anyone in need of it. It's many things, goodness, but it most certainly isn't a dismissive attitude towards a well-meaning person who only wants to get to know you.

You hadn't gone this far in your uneventful life ignorant of what people say behind your back. "Frigid" is one. "Indifferent" on a good day. "Bitch" when someone feels like being mean. 

It's not like you're mad or anything; not as if you'd built up some sort of resentment within you that now you've settled for being perpetually friendless. You have plans, is all. You just can't afford to be a constant helping hand when you've got so much to do.

So you take it. 

Be a sport about it, was what you've always been told. Stiff upper lip, as they say. You remain silent about it and you endure and maybe you shed a few tears later as you lie in bed and maybe you entertain the possibility that you'll never see the end of this loneliness. 

But that's neither here nor there.

The point is, this time shouldn't have been any different.

(But sometimes even the strongest walls can crumble. All it takes is one crack, then the rest would follow.)

It was a bad day. 

You woke up late. You messed up the tally in the first set of practice games. You forgot the homework you'd stayed up all night to do. 

And the person whom you've lended your notes to for the college entrance exams lost it. 

He lost it. Conveniently just a month before the actual thing. 

"I- It's nowhere to be found, senpai," he explained. "I tried looking for it everywhere but- but I.." (You don't remember the rest.)

It's fine, you told yourself. You're fine. You can do something about a little inconvenience like this. You always have.

But then Kuroo Tetsurou asked. 

He's an amazing captain; even someone like you who only had a rudimentary knowledge at volleyball could understand the level of skill it requires to do what he does on the court while still managing to reign in the polarizing characters in this team together. And like most people, Kuroo Tetsurou has never cared for you. 

That's what you'd always thought, concerning him. Even when there had been times when he'd let slip what he thought about you. ("You're so cold, manager-san," he pouted once after you'd refused to eat with Yamamoto and the others.)

So it blindsided you, to say the least. 

The way he looked at you, as if he's privy to your darkest secrets, like he's seen you at your lowest and somehow knows you more than you did. 

When he'd jabbed and poked at what you'd only later realize was already a festering wound. (" It is bothering you, hm?" he said.) And before you could think about telling him to stop, to please, please let it go, it had already happened.

(" Could've sworn you were good at it ," he said.) 

This isn't news to you. Besides, there have obviously been worse digs. 

But hearing it from people who think you're not listening and being told about it to your face are two vastly different things. 

(Maybe it's because deep inside you'd always hoped that not everyone disliked you. That even though you're not a good person, you're not entirely bad either.)

Right in front of you, swift and without warning, he spoke only the truth.

You just weren't prepared for how deep it could cut. 

"I have to go," you murmured.

It took you a few seconds to realize that you'd been crying. And when you did, you immediately wiped your cheek with the back of your hand, turning away from him and the others still engrossed in their drills.

You let your feet do the thinking, allowing it to take you wherever they wished to go ( not here. not here. anywhere but here ), finding it impossible to do so yourself when your vision is clouded with welling tears. 

You moved forward, never once looked back, until you ended up inside the stark darkness of the gym's forgotten neighbor. 

The shed has long been abandoned and had nothing but dust, a couple of furniture in disrepair, and the occasional bug to keep it company. It was good enough for you. You didn't need much anyway.

Except for silence. 

The breaths that you'd desperately tried to control shook like dried leaves hanging onto frail branches, much like your legs, eventually collapsing at the slightest gust of wind. 

All you needed was silence.

Crouched down, the feeling of bones reduced to jelly was a lot more palpable. And despite the pins and needles that you know would eventually appear like a vengeful mistress, you stubbornly pressed your knees closer to your damp face.

Stuttering inhales and short-lived exhales  soon enough filled the gnawing emptiness of the shed as you count back to the moment you'd started the day to when your classmate told you that he'd lost your notebook to when you'd been told of how much of a shitty person you are and you wonder how you would've changed your decisions and how could it have gotten to this point how could it go wrong like this what did I do what did I do wrong what went —

"There you are."

You clamped your mouth shut, clenched your teeth so hard to stop their chattering. How useless. 

The creaking noise of the door being closed— punctuated by the sound of the latch clicking, rendered that effort futile. 

Kuroo Tetsurou locked the door.   

"C-can you," you panted. "Can you please leave."

"I need some time alone," you said, every beat of your heart like the ticking clock of a time bomb. "Please." 

You waited for him to do as you'd told. Maybe what happened earlier was a mistake, a slip of tongue that hurt more than it should've, and he's here to apologize. Of course. That's it, isn't it? Why else would he be here?

"I- If you want to say something, we can- we can— later." 

It was as if the entire world had gone still. He said nothing; neither could you hear any hint of movement. You turned around.

"C-captain..!"

He was right there. 

Right in front of you, crouched and staring right back at you. His face a hair's breadth away from yours. 

Your legs shot upwards. 

"What are you- ah !" You hissed, feeling every cell in your body being incessantly pricked. Finding it impossible to stand on your own, your hands scrambled to get a hold of something, anything, maybe the almost dilapidated table behind you— only to be caught in between large, strong arms.

"Careful, now," he murmured against your neck. His scalding breath like frostbite, chilling you down to your bones until you were numbed from the pain.

He slithered a hand around your waist. With blood thundering to your ears, you bit back a shriek and pushed him away with all your might. But have you forgotten? Despite that indolent swagger of his, you've witnessed how this boy pushes himself to exertion for each match and beyond. What made you think you could win against him? 

And when you attempted to open your mouth and yell, he effortlessly covered it with a palm while hauling you towards the table. The thing rocked under your weight. It is amusing, what the fear of falling does to you. One moment you're thrashing your way out; the next, you're holding onto your tormentor for dear life.

"No one's gonna come for you." He shushed you like how one would when placating a rabid animal. "You really believe they would bother? With an attitude like that?"

Down, down, his hand sank to your thigh, kneading the aching flesh until all you could do was mewl out a hoarse, "S-stop. I beg y-you."

Because it's all that's left for you. No one's going to save you. Or maybe someone would. But, who? And would they, really? 

(Go on, then. Try. See for yourself.)

"Kuroo-san," you whimpered. " S-stop ."

(Would they even believe you? It's your word against his. Him . Their beloved captain.)

"Tetsurou," he only said, dipping his hand lower, wrapping your freezing legs around him. "Say it."

He's everywhere. Lips tracing your chin, teeth grazing your throat; all the while your weak, pathetic arms stayed on his shoulders, thinking he'd regain his senses because he has to. He has to. He's not a bad person. He wouldn't hurt you, not in that way. 

Even when rough palms are already caressing the sides of your breasts and you feel a bulge rutting against your stomach, hot and rock hard and large, his hands grabbing your ass to bring your crotch closer to his—

"Cap- Tetsurou!" You cried, trembling hands back on his chest as you sobbed and pleaded please, please, let me go, I won't say anything, I-I'll keep quiet .

He did stop. But he didn't let you go. (You're a stupid girl if you think he would). Instead, with a forefinger under your chin and a thumb on your lower lip, he gently tilted your head to meet his gaze. 

And when your murky vision adjusted to the shadows, the heart that wanted to escape from your chest ceased its clamoring, arresting your breath with it.

The afternoon sun peeked through the crevices of the shed's wooden walls. Red-orange light revealed a pair of iris swallowed by blown pupils, only for it to pass and shroud him back into the darkness. 

"Say it again," he whispered, deep voice cracking. " Tetsurou . My name."

You tried to speak and protest once again but only a croaked snivel left you, your babbling becoming less coherent when he began planting soft kisses on both tear-streaked cheeks. 

"You've been all alone, haven't you? Keeping everything to yourself all this time."

He kissed your forehead and it was so tender you wanted to die. 

"My strong, brave girl," he breathed. "I'll take care of you. I'll take care of you. I- I-"

You heard him chuckle as he pressed his forehead to yours, felt it crease on your skin. "I love you."

No. No, no, no . You shook your head and closed your eyes and prayed to anyone who's listening. 

"I love you," he repeated, strongly now, as if he only realized it this time around. 

And then he kissed you. Just a peck. And then he kissed you again, deepening it to probe a wet tongue into your mouth. And the hand sitting lax on your neck felt like a gun to your temple.   

You remained just as you were, like a plaything to do with as he pleased, as you felt calloused fingers creep inside your sweaty shirt.

"Such pretty tits," he grunted as he raised your bra over your breasts to brush your nipples, rolling and pinching and pulling them with his thumbs.

He muffled the noises you made with his own mouth still when he continued fondling you. You soon enough tasted the salt off of his palm when he left your lips to lick and pepper bites on your neck, on the valley and mounds of your breasts, sucking and lapping the stiff peaks until he was satisfied.

You tried counting, one to whatever. And when that did not work, you tried biting your own tongue to rid of the heat you fear would burst in your belly. 

All that went to waste when he reached inside your pants. 

"Not- not there!" you gasped, breaking your silence and wriggling out of his grasp.

He cooed. "You'll feel good. I promise."

After hooking long fingers over the hem of your panties, he briskly parted the hair and lips underneath to pull the thin cotton over the folds, over the throbbing nub trapped in the middle. 

"Your pussy's so wet, sweetheart," he sighed, the tip of his middle finger drawing light circles on your clothed clit. 

It was so lewd and dirty and the fact that your panties were soaked with slick was enough to burn you with shame.

"You like it, hm?" 

Perhaps you whimpered out a meek "no." You couldn't tell anymore, heaving out while he continued to toy with a sore nipple as he rubbed your slippery cunt, preying on your puffed out, swollen clit.  

"Feel what you do to me." He squeezed your wrist and forced your shivering hand on his crotch. "Take out my cock, baby," he whispered, scattering kisses on your neck.

"Tet-Tetsuro…san," you cried. "I can- I can't."

"Yes. Yes, you can ," he said, not halting the ministrations between your legs. "You're a big girl."

As if held by a string, he guided you, wrapped his hand around yours as he— as you stroked him, scorching and thick, up and down, just like that . 

"Good girl. My good little girl," he groaned, parting your panties to the side to tease your dripping hole. 

You wept harder, the inevitable only a few seconds away from you. A single finger, at first. And when he added a second one, you realized you preferred having a hand on your mouth than his lips on yours.

(Because then you wouldn't have to think of an excuse why you're suddenly swirling and brushing your tongue in time with his.) 

For a while there had been nothing but the sound of two wet lips pursing against each other (along with those embarrassing squelching noises). 

He treated you as if you were made of porcelain, your plush walls stroked oh so gently as he circled the sensitive bundle of nerves. Even when he ended the kiss and removed your hand from his cock, spit and pre-cum connecting you to him, he still handled you as if you would break at the drop of a hat.

That's why it snuck up on you, what happened, after he brought his mouth to your ear.

"Don't scream," he whispered. 

Then, he rammed his fingers in your mouth. 

You tasted yourself as he forced you on your back, slamming you down on the dirty table yet still carrying your weight all throughout, never letting go.

The bitter acceptance of it— that what began earlier can only conclude to this , did not prepare you for the feeling when he finally thrust himself into you.

They say it shouldn't hurt at first. If it does then he's doing it wrong. 

You hardly know if it's relief or horror that dawns on you when you realize how he stretched you out so easily, despite his size. Because, by all means, this should be wrong. This is wrong. 

"Gonna ruin you," he panted. "Gonna ruin you and— fuck put you back together myself."

He grinded his cock inside you deep and slow and when he hit that spot you couldn't control yourself from jackknifing so hard he had to hold you down. He does this mercilessly, pace growing more delirious until you're nothing but a choked and sputtering fool around his fingers.

"I won't ever leave you. I’m here," he cooed, stroking your hair and kissing your face as you bawled and shattered in his embrace. "I’m here ."

"So cry all you want."

[byunmyeon]

Philophobia

↳ pairing: lee suho x reader

↳ synopsis: in a world where a red string connects soulmates, everyone knows who they belong with. except you, who hasn’t been able to see your string since you were a kid.

↳ warnings: language (like one word), a copious amount of angst and heartbreak

— note: there’s a serious lack of suho fics out there so I decided to write my own. lmk if you guys want me to write a second part!

There was something inexplicably eerie about being the new girl in a school that was twice the size of your old one. Not because it was an unfamiliar setting, nor was it because you were painfully shy and terrible at making friends. It wasn’t even your disparaging insecurities that had you feeling so shook. No, it was something you couldn’t put your finger on, something you couldn’t begin to name. A discomfort you could feel all the way down to your bones.

Your inordinate unease swelled into full blown panic with every step you took toward your new classroom. Somewhere in your unorganized mind, you could hear your mom’s reassuring voice. Everything will be okay. You didn’t know if her words held any truth, but you really, really, really hoped she was right. You were being stupid, honestly. There was nothing to fear, but you couldn’t shake the foreboding feeling from your stature. Despite all the undesirable emotions you felt, your breathing was normal and your heartbeat was steady.

It took you a minute to gather yourself. You could do this.

After a very ineffectual pep talk, you finally got your feet to move. Your eyes were cast down as you entered the classroom. The rowdy classroom went silent once your presence became known. You swallowed the nerves and chanced a glance at your new classmates. The reactions were a mixture of curiosity and disinterest.

When your teacher introduced you to the class, you decided to really look at your new classmates. Among the sea of unfamiliar faces, one stuck out. An unnaturally attractive face belonging to an unfamiliar boy. His stare was strange. It was full of an intensity you couldn’t comprehend. You kept staring, in spite of yourself. Fuck. Was it possible for someone to be so attractive?

The clapping of your classmates pulled you back into reality. You were quick to look elsewhere, unable to understand the sudden lurch of your heart.

Suho couldn’t take his eyes off the new girl, more specifically, the string neatly wrapped around her index finger. He watched her carefully. The shy smile she wore was annoyingly adorable, and it made a foreign warmth spread across his chest and along his entire body. The new girl didn’t spare him another glance as she took her seat next to Jugyeong.

Lim Jugyeong.

He wasn’t her soulmate and she wasn’t his, but she was the girl who had unknowingly stolen his heart. That wasn’t about to change because some stranger who he was supposedly meant to be with came into his life with no warning.

Suho looked back to the front of the classroom without looking at the new girl again.

The first time it happened, you wrote it off as fatigue. After all, you had just started middle school and trying to keep up with your new workload as well as your budding social life was exhausting. That day, the color of your string had faded a bit, but it was still visible. By the time you were on your way home it disappeared for a mere second before regaining its color. Days later, it was completely gone.

When your mom first found out you could no longer see your string, she became extremely distraught. It had affected her more than it did you, honestly. She wasted no time in taking you to see countless specialists and psychologists. Anything to keep you from becoming a freak that didn’t know who they were meant to be with. She unknowingly made you feel exactly like that.

Apparently, you were a rare case because every person you went to for help wanted to conduct a study on you and your condition. Fortunately for you, your mom didn’t want you becoming a lab rat and decided to stop seeking out help from strangers. Left with no other option, you went to one person who she believed could help you. An old friend of hers.

He wasn’t a specialist, just a regular doctor who came to the conclusion that a deep, scarring trauma had caused you to no longer see your string. You could remember the heartbreak on your mom’s face because you both knew what that trauma was.

Your mom did her best to help you. Spending more time together and countless hours of therapy did nothing for your condition. Nothing worked. You became convinced that trying to see your string again was futile.

And you were right.

As time went on, you grew used to the unease that had latched itself onto you on that first day. The feeling in your bones settled in like an unwelcome guest who refused to leave. No matter what you did, you couldn’t shake the feeling. Eventually, you gave up trying.

However, something shifted when you crossed paths with Lee Suho.

You two had been put in the same group for a science lab. His attention had been solely on Lim Jugyeong, but there were times when your eyes would meet. Those milliseconds were just that, but to you they felt like an eternity. He rarely addressed you, but when he did, you could feel the pressure weighing on your bones fade bit by bit. That familiar feeling soon shifted into a more comfortable presence that you yearned to feel forever.

It was subtle, but at some point, Suho’s emotionless face changed. The change would last for no more than a second, but it always did when he looked at you. That change had your entire stature seeping with warmth. You vaguely recognized the feeling as something akin to infatuation.

It scared you.

Of course, the possibility that he might be your soulmate crossed your mind, but you quickly dismissed that thought.

Too many times had you gotten in trouble for insisting someone was your soulmate when they really weren’t. Any special bond or feelings that grew between you and someone else couldn’t always be interpreted as the ones between soulmates. You learned that the hard way.

Besides, your soulmate would make it clear to name themselves as such even if you couldn’t see the string.

At least, you hoped they would.

Philophobia.

Before you went into high school, your mom insisted you see one last psychologist with the promise that the one she found was different. Reluctantly, you went to see this woman who diagnosed you with this absurd illness. You felt like it was made up, but your mother was adamant that you did have it.

You knew she only thought that because you had told her you no longer had any interest in finding your soulmate. Her panic was unrivaled after hearing those words come out of your mouth. You wrote off her panic because your disinterest in soulmates was only natural. How could it not when—at the time—it was all your friends could talk about? Talk about being the odd man out.

Okay, and maybe you also weren’t keen on meeting new people because of the fear that they could easily ignore the string you couldn’t see. There was also the fear that if you ever did meet someone you wanted to spend your life with, they could end up not being your soulmate and vice versa.

But those feelings would all fade with time, you were sure.

Hanging out near the back of the school where no one ever went became a regular thing for you. It was the one spot where you didn’t have to worry about your soulmate or anything related to that—a safe place. Until it wasn’t.

“You can’t just ignore the bond you have with her.”

The angry voice was one you vaguely recognized. You peeked around the corner, eyes widening when you saw Han Seojun and Lee Suho in the middle of what appeared to be an argument.

“Why are you bringing that up?” Suho’s eyes narrowed. “Do you still like Jugyeong?”

Seojun’s gaze hardened. “It’s not about that.”

It was wrong to listen on what was clearly meant to be a private conversation, but your feet wouldn’t move. You could see Suho’s anger and irritation from your hiding place, and for some reason seeing him that way made a blistering discomfort latch itself onto your chest.

“You’re being unfair to Jugyeong and Y/N.”

The mention of your name had your insides twisting into an uncomfortable knot. You didn’t understand why or how you had anything to do with the discussion, but you had a feeling the reason wasn’t anything good.

“Just because she’s my soulmate doesn’t mean I owe her anything.”

There was a sharp pain in your chest, one that grew into a searing pain as the seconds ticked by. You might’ve cried out in pain had it not been for the shock that consumed you. In a sudden instant, your vision became blurred with tears as you staggered back. His words were the worst form of torture, like a piece of barbed wire that wrapped itself around your heart.

Your fate was a cruel one, forever bound to someone who refused to acknowledge the bond between you two. Lee Suho was your soulmate, but he didn’t want to be.

It was a cruel reality to have your worst nightmare come to life.

“Is it true?”

Suho raised an eyebrow at you. His gaze didn’t soften like it once did. Now it just remained impassive, almost annoyed. The cold look he was giving you was making you regret even coming to him in the first place.

“Are you really my soulmate?”

“Why are you acting like you don’t know?” Suho’s unaffected stare unsettled you. “You’ve known since the first time we saw each other.”

But you hadn’t known. This entire time you had been driving yourself crazy thinking you were only imagining the connection between you two like you had done countless times after you first lost the sight of your string. Despite wanting to tell him that, you settled for a question.

“What about Jugyeong? Don’t you think she—?”

“Are you going to tell her?” He interrupted you.

You could literally hear your heart crack. Of course that’s all he cared about. He didn’t care whether or not you were hurt and upset, hell, he probably thought you had no interest in your soulmate. But he was wrong, so very wrong.

“Why?” He demanded. “You don’t want me as your soulmate either. You’ve been ignoring the bond, too.”

I can’t see my string! You nearly yelled. The words were clawing at your throat, eager to be released. But you found yourself unable to tell him the truth.

“My soul chose yours,” you said, close to tears. “And a soul just doesn’t forget that.”

For a moment, one that was so quick you thought you imagined it, Suho looked remorseful. Stupidly, it made you hope that he would accept you and the bond that bounded you together.

“Don’t tell her.” His voice didn’t sound like a plea, but you knew what he was asking you to do was clearly important to him. “I can’t loose her.”

And so, you agreed. Even if it meant that your own heart would be left in tatters.

[mizunetzu]

Can you do a scenario where reader (male pronouns) kind of outs himself as bi and then hides for a while since it was an accident and he wasn't actually ready and after some time bakugo finds him and they end up awkwardly confessing to each other? Bonus points if you can do ComfortingTM class 1A (also I just really want bi representation 🥺)

BRO BRO ur reblogs and replies always make me BAM BAM

(Also y’all ik that gif is huge but it had denki AND baku in it and i felt compelled to use it bc kamis kinda important in the story NSNDNEKWK)

——————

Bakugou x reader - How to Out Your Classmate

⚠️warnings - being outed by your classmate (denki) (I’m sorry denki stans), bakugou kinda bulling kami at the end kdnfjekfj

Pronouns - male, he/him

——————

It was something he didn’t mean to say.

Rather, it just slipped out.

————

“Ne, (L/n)-kun, don’t you think Yao-momos hair is kinda sexy today? Her hair down plus that hair clip is FIRE dude!”

Kaminari slung a arm around (Y/n’s) shoulder, while Mineta smugly grinned from his seat. He wiped away a line of drool dripping from his mouth.

“Oh oh oh, her hair falls over her boobs so perfectly! I just wanna touch them at least once, ehuheuheu...”

Sero sighed from his seat. “Dude. You really are a scumbag. Stop that.”

Mineta, not missing a beat, turned to Sero with a shit-eating grin. “Oh? Why’s that? Are you gay or something?”

(Y/n) visibly stiffened from under Kaminari’s grasp. Kaminari however, didn’t notice and played along into Mineta’s joke.

“Yeah dude, kinda sus. Don’t go perving on me in the locker rooms now, haha!”

Sero sighed once more, this time with a playful smile. “Shut up, your probably more sus than I am-“

He was cut off when (Y/n) started wriggling out from under Kaminari’s arm. The three looked at (Y/n) quizzically, while (Y/n) awkwardly coughed. “I’m...leaving.”

“Why? What happened?” Kaminari leaned on the back of Seros desk.

“Well-you guys are...loud and I’m going to my desk.” Even the dumbest person could tell how tense (Y/n) was. Though, Kaminari was as dumb as he was oblivious. He scoffed, but it sounded more like a chuckle.

“What? I don’t get it, man. We were teasing Sero, not you.” Kaminari’s teasing tone felt like heaters blasting full power through (Y/n’s) body. It was strange. You always felt kind of hot when you get a little flustered. “So what part of what we said bothered you?”

“N-nothing!” (Y/n) cursed at the way he raised his voice, cursing even more at his small stutter.

“Then why are you panties in such a twist? I’m just making fun of Sero bein’ sus.”

“W-well how fun! Move, class is starting.” Truth be told, class didn’t start until 10 minutes later. When (Y/n) tried to subtly push past Kaminari, he grabbed him by the arms and blocked his way out. “No way I’m moving! You’re mad for some reason, and I just wanna know why!”

“So what exactly did we do?”

Sero rested his chin on his palm. “Yeah if you can tell us we can stop doing it, (L/n)-kun. I gotta agree with Kami on this one.”

An irk mark appeared as (Y/n’s) face flushed a darker shade of pink. Not in the good way though. He struggled helplessly in Kaminari’s stronghold, before tching and looking away.

“There’s nothing more to say-! You’re just-starting to get on my nerves and I wanna leave-!”

“Really? That’s it?” Kaminari looked at (Y/n) skeptically, before his face lit up. “Oh wait!”

“You started getting all pissy when we were talking about Yaoyorozu...and you also got mad the other day when she was talking about Bakugou...”

Shit. Shit. Shit.

“..So you like Yao-“

“I don’t fucking like Yaoyorozu!”

Now Kaminari was starting to get antsy. “Then what! Why are you mad! Is it because Mineta and I were ‘perving’?!”

“I’m not fuckin’ mad about you drooling over Yao-momos boobs! I’m not mad at all!”

Students started to gather once Kaminari and (Y/n) started to raise their voices higher and higher. Kaminari’s grip on (Y/n) was long gone, though (Y/n) was too upset to notice.

“If you weren’t mad about that, you were obviously mad about that time Yao-Momo talking about how Bakugou was attractive. So what? Do you like Bakugou or something? Are you gay?”

(Y/n) paled and grit his teeth. He was full on yelling now. “Stop saying that, damnit! I don’t like boys! Y-you know that!”

Kaminari gasped comically. “Oh my god! You totally avoided my question, dude!”

“What?!”

“Yeah! Now I get it! That’s what’s bothering you so much! It all makes sense!”

Kaminari’s mad expression morphed into one that you make when you solve a difficult question. It felt like all the blood in (y/n’s) face was drained, yet all the blood rushing to his cheeks burned like fire. Sero stood up from his chair and placed a hand on Kaminari’s shoulder. “Dude, uh-I think that’s enou-“

“Your confused because you’re straight but now you’ve started to like a guy, right?! Bakugou, right?!”

Seros warning went over Kaminari’s head completely. (Y/n) dug his nails into his palm while Kaminari pried into (Y/n’s) mind with his eyes.

“I’m not confused! I’m pissed. Very, very pissed at you!”

The blond haired boy slammed his arms down on Seros table and leaned in uncomfortably close. (Y/n) wanted to step back, but if he did, he’d run straight into Sero.

“Ok. If you answer this compleeeetely honestly, I’ll let you go. Swear! And we’ll never talk about this again! Just say yes or no! Nothing else!”

Sero glanced around the room. Everyone was staring, some had their hands over their mouths, and some were whispering and asking what was going on. Sero nervously tugged on the fabric of (Y/n’s) blazer. “U-um...yo... (y/n)...Kamin-“

“Do you like Bakugou?”

“I-“

“And don’t say you don’t like boys or you’re not gay, we ‘know’ that!”

“I’m-“

“Just say yes or no!”

“N-“

“Are you ga-“

“I’M BI!” (Y/n’s) sudden outburst silenced the classroom. It was like a blow from a king to shut up the commoners. “I’M BI, SO SHUT UP! ARE YOU HAPPY?! I’M NOT GAY AND I DON’T LIKE BAKUGOU! I DONT! I-I DONT. I don’t. I...”

Stagnant air flooded the 1-A classroom. Almost immediately, (Y/n) slapped both his hands over his mouth, eyes blown wide. Kaminari awkwardly chuckled. “Uh...”

(Y/n) took a tentative step back, bumping straight into Sero. He reflexively grabbed onto (y/n’s) forearms, stabling him.

“Are you oka-“

“Don’t touch me!” (Y/n) pushed off of Seros body and stumbled over a desk. He crashed onto the ground and fumbled onto his bottom. Students upon students neared towards him, all their face and voice blending together into one big, muddy pile. Their voices eventually turned into ringing, louder and louder until-

“SHUT UP!” (Y/n) rose to his wobbly legs, half running and half crawling towards the door as fast as he could. He could hear the protestant shouts of his classmates, or even the sleepily confused expression of his teacher as as flew by him in the hallway.

He guessed he was skipping class that day.

————

40 missed calls from: Mina-San domoo-!!

125 unopened texts from: Mina-San domoo-!!

23 missed calls from: Kamiii ⚡️

45 unopened texts from: Kamiii ⚡️

12 unopened texts from: Iida Tenya.

5 unopened texts from: ura-chaaaan 💖

1 unopened text from: Bakugou

(Y/n) turned off his phone. He knew if he kept it on, Mina would keep spamming his phone with text messages.

It’s been about a few days since his whole freak out happened. He’d bolt out of class the second it was dismissed, and he kept himself either locked in his room, or out of the dorms as much as humanly possible. He wasn’t ready to have that conversation yet.

His phone buzzed again. He sighed, half expecting it to be another spam text from Mina. What he didn’t expect, was to see Bakugous contact photo on his screen, with the big green words “Incoming call-Bakugou” blaring at him so intimidatingly.

Something made him want to answer.

He pressed the phone to his ear.

“Oi.”

Bakugous gruff voice sent chills down the boys spine. His voice seemed to lock itself inside his throat, refusing to come out his mouth.

“Say something, dumbass.” Oh boy, was he trying. Everytime he opened his mouth, his throat closed up and refused to open again. Bakugou sighed harshly through the speaker.

“Stop being stupid and avoiding us-“ (Y/n) absentmindedly pressed the red “end” button. If Kaminari or Kirishima or whatever convinced Bakugou, to convince HIM to stop avoiding them, just because he ‘liked’ him, (and he totally did), he’d rather not hear it.

(Y/n) went to crumple up a piece of paper he was scribbling on, and drop it into the trash can, when it bounced on top and rolled away pathetically near his feet. His trash can was overflowing. Well, it was expected, since he was deliberately missing out on trash days just so he didn’t have to leave his dorm. (Y/n) swiped up the piece of paper, along with the trash bag lining the bin.

A few seconds outside couldn’t hurt. No one will see him. He’ll just...throw the bag in the dumpster, and slink back in before anyone knows he’s there.

————

(Y/n) hauled the trash bag into the dumpster, throwing it from out over his shoulder. He dusted off his hands and wiped forming sweat off his brow. The trash was out, no one saw him, all he had to do was slip back in his room before anyone sees him.

He huffed and turned around, immediately being smacked by a spiky tuft of blond hair. All the color drained from (Y/n’s) face. Bakugou turned his head and spat onto the dirt, clicking his tongue in the process.

“Figured you’d be here.”

”...there’s no way you could’ve-“

“It takes about a couple days for a small trash can to fill up. And knowing you, shit-for-brains, would come and take it out when no one was really watching. 5 pm, when everyone’s getting ready for dinner. You really do have shit-for-brains, shittyass.”

Bakugou may seem like a meathead, but the times he showed he was observant and intelligent made his heart tie knots around itself. (Y/n) bit back a stutter and a blush.

“W...ell, how-how’d you know I was going to take it out today? A-and to this dumpster, instead of the one on the other side of the dorms?”

Bakugou scoffed loudly, stalking closer to him. (Y/n) gulped. “This ones closer to your dorm room, even I know that, loser.”

Bakugous voice dipped, suddenly becoming uncharacteristically quiet. “...and I’ve been coming here everyday at 5 pm...shittyass...”

Bakugou was really dedicated to his scheme, huh. Just so he could see him? (Y/n)? He should be the LAST person Bakugou would want to see. Especially with what Kaminari was blabbering about. Still...It made (Y/n) feel a bit special.

But knowing Bakugou, he was just probably here to tell him how disgusting he was. Maybe he’ll start calling him ‘dick-for-brains’ instead of ‘shit for brains’. Or just plain on ‘fag’.

“Oi-stop spacing out and fucking listen to me! And don’t you dare run away until you hear me the fuck out!”

Bakugous palms flashed white, generating small blasts and he pointed an agitated finger at (Y/n). He stepped back reflexively.

“Um...well...what did you want then?” (Y/n) awkwardly fumbled with his hands behind his back, trying to keep still as much as he could. He wanted to disappear.

“Is it true?”

(Y/n) looked up. Bakugou was staring dead on, with his hands shoved stiffly in his pockets and sporting the faintest blush on his face. It was so unnoticeable, you could blink and miss it. That, and the trademark scowl, you could hardly tell if his face was red because of anger or something else.

“What is?”

“Don’t play dumb with me, fuckass! Do you like me or not?!”

(Y/n) opened his mouth to speak, but no words came out. Bakugou grunted and stepped closer. “Answer me!”

“S-so what if I do-?! You gonna call me a fag?!” (Y/n) was sweating bullets. He hoped Bakugou wouldn’t see how utterly nervous he was. Fake it til you make it. Though, he doesn’t know what he’d do once Bakugou goes flames blazin’ on his ass. He could all ready see his reaction-

Bakugou smirked. “Knew it.”

Knew it? (Y/n’s) nerves temporarily fizzled down, a wave of confusion washing over him. “...What?”

“God, do you need me to spell everything out for you? It was obvious. To me at least. Everyone was probably too fuckin’ dumb to notice.”

(Y/n) fell silent. He could speak if he wanted to, his throat wasn’t closing up, but he chose to keep silent. It’s not like he knew what to say, anyways. He was stunned into submission.

“-so I was right. Now, go out with me, Bitch.”

“Thanks. But I’ll pass.”

“I-“ Bakugou made a sputtering noise. (Y/n) wasn’t sure if he was caught off guard or sputtered out of sheer anger. “What?! Why the fuck not?!”

“Dude, how do I know you aren’t like, I dunno, being bribed by Kaminari or something to try and ‘prove that I’m bi’? Or that your just mocking me?”

“Idiot! Why the fuck would you think I’d listen to a dumbass like dunce face?! I fucking like you, you like me, I don’t see the problem here!”

(Y/n) knew he wasn’t lying. Bakugou was many things, a shithead, a piece of angry trash, but he wasn’t a liar. Still, he sighed and shoved his hands in his pockets.

“Dude, as much as I’d love to go out with you, there’s too much cons to it. I mean-first off, I don’t want people calling you a fag or anything because you’re with me...second, I’m...scared of how the class’ll take it, especially for someone like you-“

“Eh?! What’s that supposed to mean?! Are you fucki-“

(Y/n) pushed past him, accidentally brushing his shoulder in the process.

“...And third, even if I’m too scared how the class would react, I’m too prideful to let Kaminari ‘predictions’ win.”

He was gone before Bakugou could turn around.

————

(Y/n) was late to class on purpose that day.

He didn’t want to risk it with Bakugou, Kaminari, anyone. He’s more afraid of the class than he is of getting scolded by Aizawa. And that was saying something.

So when he walked in the door, Bakugou gripping Kaminari’s tie and releasing small blasts in the air with his wound up hand, he didn’t know if he should replace ‘Getting Scolded By Aizawa’ with ‘Getting Murdered By Bakugou’ in his worries for today.

“Fucking idiot!” Bakugou growled, spit flying onto Kaminari’s face as he set off another blast. It was small enough not to cause damage to any desks or chairs around them, but it was close enough to Kaminari’s face to make him yelp. “I’ll fucking kill you!”

“Ow!” Kaminari half yelled-half whimpered. Bakugou’s hands heated up, glowing orange from under Kaminari’s chin. “Hey-HEY! Chill-!W-what did I even do?! OW!”

Bakugou slammed him against his desk by his blazer. “It’s your fuckin fault that shit-for-brains won’t go out with me!”

Another blast. This time, fired in the air but much bigger than before. Kaminari flinched. “Ah! S-shit-for...(L/n)?! How is it my fault?!”

“It’s your fault because you made him all scared and shit to go out with me! With your stupid prying ass! Now he won’t go out with me until I get you to apologize! So apologize so I can have a fuckin boyfriend! Go die!”

(Y/n) looked around the room. No one was trying to stop Bakugou from literally roasting Kaminari alive. Not even Iida. Everyone stood there, eyes locked on Kaminari or recording them while stifling snickers. (Y/n) walked up to Mina, who was recording and whispering commentary near the speaker.

“Uh...what’s happening? Why’s no one stopping Bakugou?”

Mine looked up. “Well-he kinda deserved it. I mean, he did act like a dick to you a few days ago. Bakugou’s just givin’ him a piece of his mind.” She fixed her angle on her phone, hunching down slightly in the process. “Also, glad to see you talking to us again, (L/n)~”

(Y/n) glances around the room once more. Everyone seemed to silently agree. Though, Iida looked like he was going to explode in his seat. Poor Iida. Poor Kaminari.

(Y/n) was brought out of his mind when Mina slowly panned her phone over to him. He was about to question her, when Kaminari was thrown carelessly at his feet. Bakugou kicked at Kaminari’s hunched figure, stepping on his back with his hands clenched in his pockets.

“Say it.”

Kaminari made a wheezing noise.

“FUCKIN’ SAY IT!”

“I-I’m sorry for outing you in-in front of our classmates...”

Bakugou dug his foot into Kaminari’s back. “LOUDER!”

“I’M SORRY-OW! FOR O-OUTING YOU IN FRONT OF OUR CLASSMATES-!”

Bakugou gave Kaminari a look saying to ‘keep going.’ Kaminari shot back with a face that said ‘dude. What you want me to say is fucking stupid.’

Bakugou snarled and fired another mini explosion into the air. Kaminari squeaked and looked up at (y/n), who had the most confused look on his face. Kaminari sighed.

“And...totally I don’t think that you and Bakugou are gonna get together...totally unexpected...”

Kaminari, even if he was about to be best to a pulp, couldn’t help the snicker from leaving his mouth. Bakugou, you dumb fuck. He was probably thinking back to the time (Y/n) said ‘I’m too prideful to let Kaminari ‘predictions’ win’. Even so, that was just dumb. Even for Bakugou.

Bakugou huffed contently, while Kaminari shakily pulled himself up. Bakugou thunked him on the head again. “There. Now you have no fuckin’ reason not to be my boyfriend. If you don’t I’ll kill you.”

(Y/n) hummed out of hesitation. “Ehhhh...but...”

“We allowed Bakugou to rough up Kaminari, which is a CLEAR violation of the rules, the least you could do is say yes, (y/n)-kun! Though I do believe Bakugou should be punished for his harsh actions.”

Iida jutted out from his seat, swinging his arm in the air. Everyone stayed silent for a second, until Tsuyu stepped forward. “I agree with Iida-Chan, kero. You two would look nice together.”

One by one, the class started saying how ‘cute’ they’d be together or that they didn’t care that (y/n) was Bi, much. It was different from when the class was clamoring around him, instead of all their voice blending together in one big ring, he could hear every single persons song of praise. He supposed it was alright. It wouldn’t hurt as much as he think it would.

(Y/n) sucked in a breath, and turned his head to Bakugou. He looked at (Y/n) almost expectantly.

“...fine....you win...you better take care of me, Bakugou.”

He turned his head and scoffed. “Idiot. I was gonna do that regardless.”

Mina started clapping and wolf whistling. Eventually, everyone started to clap and ‘aww’ed, before quickly rushing to their seats once they heard groggy footsteps approach the door.

A man with shaggy hair walked in. The class sat silent, staring at Aizawa. He sniffed and trailed his eyes around the room.

Setting his sleeping bag behind his podium, he pursed his lips. “Where is Kaminari?”

“W-whey...”

Kaminari was laying on the floor next to (y/n’s) seat, smiling dumbly with burn marks. He was pumping his fists with his thumbs sticking out. Everyone broke into a cold sweat.

“Would anyone like to tell me why Kaminari is out of his seat?”

Oh fuck.

Bakugou got 3 days house arrest.

——————

Jdjdjejejc this was real fun to write HAHAHAHA I’m lowkey proud of it

[malereader-inserts]

Count On Us

Fandom: Twilight Pairing: Cullen family & Son!Brother!Reader Summary: When you’re on your knees, your family is quick to pull you up - because you shouldn’t face this all by yourself Word Count:  1591 Request: Could you make a cullen family x male reader where the reader goes through a tough break up so everyone decides to devise different plans on how to make him feel better

“Did you hear?” The Cullens perked their ears up, always loving drama with these mundane humans, they hadn’t been in school for a week since there was sun out but you, their human brother had been in all week.

They hadn’t seen anything abnormal from you, you didn’t seem like you were struggling about your homework or any of your subjects, nor have the teachers been giving you stick about anything so your siblings thought nothing of it.

“Oh yeah, (Y/n) Cullen?” Another giggled, trying to keep their conversation to themselves, “Heard he got into a messy breakup, they apparently-”

Just as they were about to reveal to the Cullens why your significant other, rather your ex now, had broken up with you. You had interrupted them as you slam the door shut before glaring at the group of girls huddling.

“Don’t you have anything better to do than talk about my love life?” You seethed, Jasper had to hold your shoulders from attacking because you were radiating such anger that Jasper was concerned because he didn’t know you could produce so much feeling. 

“Sorry-” They muttered as they walked into the school as you rolled your eyes.

Snatching yourself away from Jasper’s hold and stomping away to your locker. Rosalie was taken aback with your attitude on how you were muttering incoherent words that your siblings cannot pick any words. 

“I didn’t see anything,” Alice shrugged her shoulders as they looked over to Edward, who also looked confused before shrugging his shoulders as well.

“I can’t read anything from him.” Bella came up to them, smiling at Edward, but wasn’t expecting a question from him, “Bella, what happened to (Y/N)?”

“Oh?” Bella started, tensing up awkwardly, “He got broken up, public too, Monday’s lunch at the cafeteria. They went hysterical, they were shouting before announcing they were cheating on him.”

“That little bitch-!” Rosalie seethed, to think she had liked your ex a lot too.

“Not to mention, when he got explosive - which I don’t blame him, she threw her smoothie which she had made just for that lunch,” Bella explained, scratching the back of her neck, “I would have thought he would told you but I guess he’s taking it harder than he gives out. Then again, Mike did hear him cry a bit in the boys’ toilet.”

“Well, he’s good at hiding his thoughts and feelings,” Emmett commented as Jasper and Edward was visibly uncomfortable as they weren’t able to detect you.

They waited till lunch to come around, despite being in some of their lessons, you made no effort to talk to your siblings. Jasper could feel sadness and anger radiate from you, but it was the sadness that threw him off. He would expected you to feel anger, betrayal and perhaps even annoyance but sadness was something he did not expect. Edward was unsettled that your mind was just blank, you weren’t thinking at all, not even in your maths lesson shared with him. 

As lunch came around, you hadn’t appeared. Bella was with the Cullens as Erik ran up to their table.

“Hey did you hear?” Eric asked, momentarily forgetting the Cullens were there as he talked to Bella, “Apparently, (Y/n) is getting done for slashing his ex’s car’s tires.”

“But, he’s a sweetheart, he wouldn’t ever do that, not even if he’s pissed off,” Bella says, confused.

“Yeah, I know! His ex is gone psycho against him and he’s done nothing wrong - I heard he walked back home. He packed his bag half way through third period and left, missing forth and obviously lunch.”

And so, the group of siblings decided enough was enough, they couldn’t let you suffer alone.

When the group of vampires arrive home, the house was still. Cold and very much not lived in. Nothing of the sort had seemed to be moved, as if you hadn’t returned home. The only indication of you being home that put them at ease was your shoes in the garage and your poorly put away jacket lying about before entering the house.

Rosalie went to find you, after all, she knows what it’s like to be cheated and frankly despite her horrid attitude towards Bella, she has a high emotional intelligence without powers. So, she had found you in your room, and you were under your duvet. She could hear your heart beat, she had let her shoulders relax as she sees you shifted underneath. She sits on the bed and pats you.

“(Y/n)?” She asked softly, whilst she was getting you up, Alice had informed Esme - who had returned home at the same time - of your situation, “Esme is cooking you dinner, wanna peak out for me?”

She knew you hated being treated a child, so it was the quickest way for you to emerge. You pulled the duvet down, eyes very much red and you had a little sniffle but there was a glare within your stare.

“Not a child,” You muttered.

“You alright?” Rosalie asked, placing a comforting hand upon your shoulder, “We heard about your ex and-”

“It’s stupid,” You interrupted, waving her off.

She kept a firm hand on you, “You know you’re not alone, and it’s your first relationship. I don’t expect you, I mean, we don’t expect you to be fine. It’s okay to be upset.”

You sighed, sitting up and looked at her with teary eyes, “I guess,” there was a pause to your words as you tried to not break down and cry, “Why didn’t they want me? Was I not good enough for them?”

“Aw, sweetie...” Rose knew what you felt, the cheating makes you think you were never good enough. She held you tight in her embrace as you let out small sobs.

You’ll never trust again, building trust would be hard for you and it was because of your ex. You didn’t deserve this, the family says, you don’t deserve to feel like you weren’t worthy of love and question what had gone wrong during your relationship. It was unfair and unjust. 

“You’re always good enough, don’t let them dictate what you feel and what you are. You are always worthy of love, you had never done anything wrong. You were the good one,” Rosalie firmly spoke, as you look in her eyes, “Okay? You hear me?”

You nodded meekly as Esme calls you down. Rose gives you a kiss upon your temple as you rubbed your tears away before darting down the stairs to the kitchen. Esme makes your favourite food for tea, you smiled weakly as she ruffles your hair. Kisses your head, and gives you a tight hug. She doesn’t need to mention the elephant in the room, you were thankful. 

Your mother talks, how brilliant her son is. How you’ve done so well in classes and your extra curriculum. She does anything to talk about you, positively, stop you from thinking you’re anything but that. As you finished your food, she sweeps away your plate and shoves you dessert, giving you eyes saying just this once. 

As you eat your dessert happily, Emmett pulls you outside to play some baseball. Your brothers, Jasper and Edward laugh as you protest. But, the three of them only do it just to keep your mind busy, away from your heartbreak. 

They had heard you cry, utter the words of doubt and refuse to let you feel that again. Jasper tries to teach you how he does the bat trick, but you had failed miserably and hit yourself more than you liked. 

Emmett was pitching, and yet, every time you manage to hit the ball. It went either went straight to Emmett’s mitt or to Edward, who reassures you with more practice you’ll get better. The baseball game only stopped them Emmett accidentally let go off the ball too early, resulting to Alice saving you from getting smacked in the head with a concussion as she catches the ball, inches away from your shocked face.

“I think that’ll be enough, thank you!” Alice calls, throwing the ball to Emmett and pulling you indoors.

You wave away from your brothers, who snicker at Emmett. Alice brings you into your room, calling for an intervention for your wardrobe to be cleaned out. Despite your complains you help her, you throw away the clothes you didn’t want nor fitted in anymore - Alice threw some that wasn’t in your fashion sense either. You spent an hour or so, cleaning and dancing about in your room. 

Carlisle came home, Esme welcomed him and told him about your unfortunate breakup. Carlisle’s heart broke but was fixed when Esme had filled in the fact that your siblings were there to pick you up. So, when you were released from Alice’s grasp, you hid in your father’s office.

He laughs as you tuck yourself in the corner, a book in your lap, just wanting a few minutes to breath ad some peace and quiet.

“How are you feeling?” Carlisle asked, ruffling your hair and kissing your head, “Feeling better I presume?”

“Yeah,” You nodded, smiling brightly up at your dad, “I really do.”

“Well, you can always count on us, you don’t have to be alone.” Carlisle reminded you as you nodded, the sincerity written all over your face.

“I know, and I’m thankful for that.”

You love your siblings, and you never have to doubt their love for you. Because when you’re at your weakest, they’re always there to pick you right back up.

[simonsrosebud]

Hi hi hi hi sooo I just read the proposal which AHHHH and I asked about more dalton and Thea interaction earlier sooo what if they went on Kathy’s show to announce the engagement and then she brought out Thea because Kathy loves to make Kevin’s life difficult

i think i still might answer your previous ask about them doing a press review (bc i love kevin and andriel shutting ppl down), or maybe i’ll answer it with how dalton’s students react to this \/ interview.  i love the idea of his students just being obsessed with him LMAO.  i would be let’s be real

kevin refuses to go back to kathy ferdinand, but fortunately there’s a better talk show his agent trusts to send them to.

you know, for the announcement.

they’d already posted on social media, but his publicist says they need an official announcement.  kevin can’t understand why, but he doesn’t care to find out.

dalton kisses him before he goes out and waits on the side stage until it’s his time.  kevin puts on his press smile.

and when cassie, the show host, brings him out, it turns to a real one.

“well what’s the sense in waiting!  everyone give a very warm welcome to the future mister day!”

dalton waves.  he tries to think of it as just a lecture.  it’s just the live audience.  definitely not hundreds of thousands of others at home.  his students watching at home.

“dalton miller in the flesh, look at you!  this is your first show with kevin in all of your years together, yes?  is it exciting?”

“it’s something all right.  i’ve always liked to watch from behind the camera before, but this is definitely an exception.”

“i’d say!  can we get a glimpse of that ring?”  he holds his hand out to her and then to a camera for a close up.  “so i’m aware you two met at palmetto state university, what was that like?”

“would you believe me if i said it was because kevin needed a tutor?”

cassie fans herself.  “damn!  truly the teacher student romance, huh?”

dalton laughs, uncomfortably.  he definitely didn’t mean it like that.

kevin shrugs.  “i wouldn’t say that, exactly.  he happened to see me struggling with whatever math homework i had and offered to help.”

“still, it sounds like a meet-cute you’d see on hallmark!”  what the fuck was a meet-cute?  “surely it was as stressful as dating in the pros?  how did you balance your exy schedule and social life?”

kevin has his arm around the back of dalton’s seat.  he tilts his head.  “i wouldn’t say dating in the pros is hard.  not when you’ve got the right person,” he says.  “dalton has known since college that things were intense with exy.  he knew what he was walking into, and i knew what i was adding to my plate going into it, so it wasn’t hard.”

“absolutely.  speaking of a lot on your plate, you just won gold at the olympics not even four weeks ago!  can we get a round of applause?!”  the crowd is cheering before she even asks, and she calls over them.  “and while we’ve got an olympian here, let’s bring out another one we happen to have with us today, thea muldani!”

kevin freezes.  dalton grabs his hand.

ever since they broke up and kevin lost the fear of subtly dissing riko, she’s had nothing but hatred for him.  she never lets it effect her playing, but kevin still doesn’t understand it.

as thea joins the stage with a fake smile, she nods at the couple on the couch and sits on the opposite side.  “isn’t this special!  now, thea we were just talking about relationships, and as we all know you and kevin here are on us court together.  what was that like being in the olympic village together?”

“the village is such a strange experience, truly, but nothing different than training and practice.”

“i mean, you hear the secrets of the village spilled all the time, the parties and the hookups.  we’re all aware that you two were once a couple, was there any old tension between you two while you were there with all that going on?  any old feelings brought up?  if i were you i’d have to control myself, for sure,” she laughs.

it’s not funny.

dalton doesn’t like the question, and kevin can feel it with the grip of his hand on his knee.  the question is for thea, but dalton takes it instead.  “i’m sorry, but kevin is not a cheater and i don’t appreciate you insinuating that he would have considered it.”

and kevin doesn’t normally show negative emotions on shows like these, for the sake of what people think of him, but anyone can see he’s visibly upset.  “i’m six and a half years sober.  i didn’t drink, i didn’t party, i barely strayed from my room and neil josten’s room.  i called dalton every day, every night.  i called my foxes every day, every night.  i proposed four days after the games ended.  i’d quit playing exy before i cheated on him.”

and for once, thea is on their side.  she flips her hair gracefully over her shoulder.  “what an embarrassing question... besides, i will never be so low to be the woman any man takes as a second choice.”  the crowd whoops at that, and cassie’s smile twitches.  she holds her hands up in retreat.

“my apologies, truly.  uh, as for the engagement, dalton, did you see it coming, at all?  what with the excitement of the us court’s win and all only a few days before.”

“i really didn’t, no.  we’d planned a trip to colorado as a retreat after the games, since they’re so exhausting, but… wait- did we really plan that just to propose?”

kevin shrugs, but he’s smiling.  “i never once said to you that it was a post-olympics retreat, so i’ll just say that.”

dalton’s kind of stunned, because he just kind of thought that the idea to propose in colorado came after they decided to go.  he’s got a giddy grin on his face, and tries surpressing it as he turns back to cassie.  “um… i’m sorry, what was the question?”

after the interview, all three of them leave without saying goodbye to cassie.  dalton drives, because kevin is fired up.  “i don’t fucking understand what it is with people surprising me with people i don’t want to see.  and then insinuating the dumbest fucking things.”  they’re at a red light.  kevin leans over and turns dalton’s face in his hands.  “i love you.  i wasn’t kidding.  i’d stop fucking playing before i ever hurt you.”

dalton purses his lips, and kisses him real quick before stepping on the gas after someone honks behind them.  instead he takes kevin’s hand in his and presses his knuckles to his lips.  “i love you.”

[silverdragon-imagines-blog]

The Light’s Downfall - Chapter 1 - The End of the Beginning

[It’s past the 1 year anniversary of this fic, and I’ll be posting chapter 2 tomorrow as well, so I thought I’d finally post chapter 1. Though I guess more importantly it’s the 3 year anniversary of my grandmother’s death tomorrow who in a way got me to write this as a way to cope with the loss. Please let me know if I need to tag anything. I really don't want to upset or trigger anyone accidentally. With that being said, expect this fic to get dark.]

Read it on AO3

Warning(s): Major Character Death of two characters, grief and dealing with the aftermath of death.

The air was nearly suffocating, oppressively heavy as Link made his way up the staircase to the room above, his body still bruised and bloody from the Guardians’ onslaught. The end was in sight, Vaati was within reach, and then this would all be over. He could finally go back to how his life was before this happened. Link could feel his heart beating frantically in his chest as the platform came into view. The wind mage, standing with his arms raised in front of the petrified form of Zelda, smiled as the bell tolled a final time.

“We’re too late,” Link could hear Ezlo’s despair, his own heart stuttering in response to those words.

He gripped the hilt of his sword tightly, knuckles white and shaking. He refused to give up here. He charged at Vaati, Four Sword raised with the intent to kill, only to be blown back into the wall. Vaati laughed, newfound power easily lifting him into the air, as Link was forced to watch his childhood friend crumbled where she had been.

“Now, I can finally dispose of you annoying pests!”

A burst of magic flew towards him, Ezlo squawking loudly as Link rolled out of the way before it made contact. Link glared at the mage, anger and barely contained fear causing him to shake.

“Vaati,” Ezlo’s voice shook, “Please, see reason. This isn’t you, you need to stop this.”

“No, it’s been too long since I’ve felt truly powerful, too long since I discovered what I could truly become. And you, dear teacher, were merely a stepping stone in my path to become who I truly am.”

Vaati’s form wavered, dark magic surrounding him on all sides, obscuring him from view. Link stood on shaky legs, using his sword to support his weight as Ezlo whispered reassurances, though it was obvious that he was just as scared as Link was.

They had lost, there was nothing left for them to do but to wait for the inevitable, but something inside him forced him to keep going, to keep fighting. And as Vaati appeared again, bathed in a glowing purple light, eyes now bright yellow against a shadowed face, magic gathering at his fingertips, Link charged once again. He cried out, in pain and anger as he aimed for Vaati, sword slashing through the air instead of the body of the smug Wind Mage.

“Link, look out!”

He barely registered the weight leaving his head, barely felt the corrupted magic brush at his back. He turned, just in time to witness Ezlo jumping in front of the shot that was meant for him. His breath wavered, watching as his companion screamed in agony, the sound echoing, piercing through his mind, then stopped, falling limp to the floor.

He fell to his knees, reaching out towards his partner, his friend , faint hope that the other was still alive despite the wounds he had suffered. But before he could so much as call out to him, Ezlo crumbled into dust before him, taking what little confidence and hope Link still had with him.

“Such a shame,” Vaati spoke, Link only managing to look up at the slowly approaching mage, “His fate was his own decision, he chose to save you above saving himself. Pitiful really, his sacrifice won’t make a difference.”

Link leaned heavily on the sword still in his grasp, standing once again to face down Vaati, eyes bright with rage and determination.

“This is just sad, you think you can still fight me? Stupid boy, you’ve lost! You’ve doomed your entire kingdom!” Vaati spread his arms, face twisting in malicious glee, “Look around you! I’ve won! There’s nothing left for you now! So just die!”

He blocked the spell hurtling towards him with his blade, it bursting against the holy weapon upon impact. Link refused to give in, he wouldn’t give up without a fight, not after everything he had gone through, everything he had suffered through just to get to this point.

Vaati grew angered, eyes glowing, piercingly bright as the air crackling around him, fingers growing into sharp claws in response. He rushed at Link, slashing at him over and over, each blow being blocked by sword and shield as they backed closer and closer to the edge of the platform.

Link kept his eyes on the mage, staying on the defensive to avoid the corrupted magic from hitting him dead on. Until his foot hit the open air. With a gasp, he fell back, grasping for the edge of the platform desperately as he saw Vaati standing above him, smiling gleefully.

“Seems I’ve won, little hero.”

Link growled, pulling himself up and kicking at Vaati, the mage laughing as he stepped away. Link held out his sword, panting and hoping that he could gather enough strength to finally finish him off. If only it were that easy.

“I grow tired of this game,” Vaati sighed, summoning pitch-black magic into his palm, “Goodbye, Hero of the Four Sword.”

Link watched the spell get closer, raising his blade as though to parry it back at the mage, and with a swing, all he felt was agony. Pain filled his mind, screams tore from his throat until the world finally faded away to black.

====

He could feel the surface below him, cold and hard and uncomfortable. He could hear the familiar calls of birds in the distance, their songs calming and grounding as they continued. He moved his hand, grasping at whatever was underneath him, only to feel coarse dirt below him.

‘Wait, dirt?’

He sat up quickly, eyes snapping open to see a stone wall before him. He was in a cave, at least, he assumed it was a cave with how light drifted in through the tall opening at one side. The birdsong was clear, but as the noise caught up to him, quiet breaths began to reach his ears. The cave was small, shallow, and it seemed that he wasn’t alone here.

“Oh, you’re finally up,” he turned to see a boy dressed in a fiery red tunic, a small almost grin on his face, “I was wondering when you’d join the land of the living.”

He flinched at the word choice, the grimace on the other’s face betraying his actual feelings about the joke. He slowly stood up, taking in his surroundings more to see two other boys leaning against the cave wall. One dressed in ocean blue was looking around lost, eyes unfocused, and staring off into space. The other donning an amethyst tunic had his arms holding his legs close to his chest, face hidden where it was pressed against his knees. He had a feeling they looked the same as he and the red one did like the copies Link could create with the Four Sword.

“What happened?”

“I had an idea, but I don’t know if it makes sense,” the red one spoke, shrugging, “I think Vaati’s magic did something to the Four Sword. We all have identical looking blades now, besides our faces anyway, so it only makes sense.”

“So we’re all Link… that's confusing.”

The red boy laughed, though it sounded unsure, falling and fading quickly.

“I figured, based on the elements we put into the sword anyway, that I’d use the name Blaze,” he gestured to the other two, “the blue one chose Wave while purple over there called himself Terra. He hasn’t spoken since then.”

Worry bloomed in his mind, but it wasn’t the time to deal with that, not yet. Shaking his head, he looked down at himself expecting some sort of appearance change like the other three, only to find nothing. Just the same green tunic he had started the adventure with, dirty and slightly torn up from the fights he had been in. He recalled the elemental stones that he had forged the blade with and it was really quite obvious what name he should choose.

“Call me Breeze.”

With that decided, Breeze motioned for Blaze to follow, trying to figure out just where they were. All that was visible from the front of the cave were trees, tall enough to block most of the sky from view. The clearing was small, but not claustrophobic. Blaze had rushed ahead, looking around quickly until he stopped and turned back, gesturing to the forest around them.

“Let’s try and climb up, maybe we can see further, figure out where exactly we are.”

It was a good idea, and they had been lucky, the trees, while tall, were easy enough to climb. Each branch pulling the two boys up and up, further and further away from the ground. When they had reached the top, gazing at the land around them, all went still, the sounds of nature around them stopping as the two boys took in the sight ahead of them.

They could see Hyrule Town, their home, surrounded by a dark cloud stretching far across the land. The Minish Woods were consumed and not even the peak of Mt. Crenel was visible through it. It was as though all Light had been stripped of the land they had called home, the people they had known, those he had befriended and loved, lost in the darkness. There was nothing left now. Vaati had won.

[blueybunny]

I’m back from the dead (sort of)

TL;DR: my confession (see previous post) didn’t go as planned. E didn’t react to it, we didn’t talk about it, I got confused. For the past I-dont-know how many months I’ve been trying to figure out what was going on, with some success. E seems to have taken it okay-ish in the end, and a lot of personal issues factored into the whole situation so that’s why she has taken some distance, but we are still in speaking terms and she’s doing well! Even though I got somewhat lucky, please please please don’t confess yourself!

This is gonna be a lengthy update, so bear with me.

Hey. It’s been a long while since I’ve updated on the situation between me and E. I think it has been some 9-10 months since I continued the story, and i left it off without any conclusion. I feel like you can already tell that me confessing to E didn’t go as planned - far from that.

To preface this, the only reason I decided to confess to her was that it got too difficult to hold my feelings steady. I was leaking out all my emotions, and I had no idea how to gain solace apart from just letting them out, properly. It was a purely selfish reason, and I elaborated to E that I was doing it for myself, and I knew it could make things worse for her. She insisted on me telling her. And yes, I could’ve backed out, and I hated every second of it because I didn’t want to hurt her.

So, after that talk in her car (i still remember it so vividly, god i wish i was there), I waited the weekend to finally tell her. This was when everything shifted and took a turn for the worse. E had told me we could talk on Monday, and when Monday finally came, she texted me to let me know that she also had something to tell me face to face. I didn’t have the slightest idea what it could be.

This is how it went down. E said she had 15 minutes before she needed to head home. She sat me down, and told me to essentially stop coming to her with all my problems because she had no idea what to do with them anymore. She felt completely helpless and wanted me to get some “real” help. And at the time, that completely broke me. For weeks – no, for months. She telling me she wouldn’t be there for me anymore? I wasn’t sure i could take it. I just sobbed for the whole 15 minutes, and she asked why i was crying??? At this point i still hadn’t told her about my feelings, so she just assumed i would be fine with losing her. I didn’t have the courage to confess, and i even went as far as saying i was mad at her. Then the situation ended, as rapidly as it had begun.

Oh god i loathed myself so indescribably much after that, i still do. I had no idea what i was doing to her, when she had so many issues of her own she had to take care of to begin with. I should’ve known better. Why did it take so long to realise how much i was hurting her? She’s an extremely sympathetic person so making her feel helpless is the worst thing i could’ve ever done. I couldn’t forgive myself, and still can’t. I feel like i broke everything. I was so selfish, so naive, so dumb. The worst part was that she told me she had spent the entire weekend worrying about me, and that just broke me.

So what did i decide to do? Well, the first thing i had to do was apologise. And the second, well, was to confess. Why, at this point? It was to grant her at least some peace of mind, no matter how strange it might sound. I thought at the time that the best thing would be to just tell, so that she could stop worrying about me - once and for all. Also, I had a feeling she knew about my feelings, since I hadn’t been particularly good at hiding them, and so I thought that telling her about them would make things easier for both of us.

Tuesday rolls around, and i gather the courage to tell her everything in five minutes (that’s how long our break lasted, and i had to run to my next class). Bad idea, i know. I still remember what i said: “i like you a lot more than i should”. And i think it got through to her. She looked at me, saying how it came out of the blue. Then she told me i should go, and it was the coldest “goodbye” i have ever received.

Yep, not the best it could’ve gone. Also not the worst, because in the end she took it relatively well, she wasn’t visibly upset or disgusted, she didn’t tell me to stop speaking to her. But do i regret it? Absolutely. No matter how much i tried to convince myself it was the best of both worlds, i still did it in the heat of the moment.

What happened afterwards? Oh god how much i want to say it’s been a nice uphill climb from there, but nope. Everything’s been static, nothing has really changed between me and her, and it’s still that loud, awkward silence clouding our “relationship”, or at least what remains of it.

I asked her in a text if she felt distraught or shocked by what i had told her, to which she said no. But she also said she doesn’t want to talk about it any more than that - which i totally understand. I felt like i needed to clarify things so i asked if she had time to chat. It took a month to finally talk face to face again, and in that time she basically banned me from texting her. I didn’t bring up the confession at first, and we spoke as if nothing had happened (and it felt amazing). But then i asked her if i we were still friends. Bad wording, i know: she hesitated a bit first but didn’t deny anything. It was truly hanging by a thread.

We spoke a few times after that before quarantine happened in late March. They were normal conversations, mostly related to school. However, since E had told me that she wouldn’t be staying behind after school to talk to me like she used to, she now had to find time for me in her already full schedule. She was always in a rush, and every time we spoke, I cried afterwards – not out of happiness, but out of discomfort. I wasn’t sure what was happening. She suddenly became very cold and distant towards me, and it felt like she was pretending that nothing had ever happened between us, not even last fall when we grew quite close (at least in teacher-student terms). It was as if I had never even known her in the first place, and it hurt. A lot.

During the time when we were quarantined and school was still in session, I texted her a few times just to ask how she was doing. I had to be very careful in doing so, and I made sure to leave at least a month between texts because I didn’t want to annoy her. Even then I noticed changes in the way she talked to me (or texted me, rather). All that made me incredibly scared and confused, because I wasn’t sure what she was thinking, or if she felt uncomfortable or disgusted. Back when I confessed to her, she told me that nothing would change, yet now virtually everything has. I understand why, at least mostly, but I really thought at some point that our relationship would stay the same.

Nothing really happened over summer. I thought about her a lot, and I thought about how I could fix this and perhaps salvage at least something from our “friendship”. Even though she had told me we were still friends, I couldn’t bring myself to believe it. She felt like a stranger who was saying stuff out of pity.

Then, September rolls around, and we go back to school. The pandemic is still very much present in my country, but we didn’t have to continue our lessons online. On the first day of school, i saw E, and I talked to her a bit. I hadn’t done that in about 5 months, so it felt weird, but I was glad to see her regardless. I told her about an exciting thing that happened, but she didn’t really seem that interested. And again, I was left with tears in my eyes. I didn’t want to believe it – was this how things were going to be for the rest of my time in high school (mind you, I am a senior)? I had a complete mental breakdown the following weekend. I just couldn’t handle it. Where did E go?

On the second week of school, we had a school trip which meant E and a couple of other teachers spent a few nights with a bunch of students. At first, I was unsure whether I should attend because I feared that I would get jealous, but i ended up going. The trip was fun – if you don’t count the fact that yes, I got jealous, and that E essentially ignored me and didn’t talk to me during the whole trip, something that she’s never done before. I spent the nights panicking about the situation, trying to figure out if I had done something to upset her or to otherwise make her feel uncomfortable (because I definitely had, but that - my confession, that is - had happened over 6 months ago). Something was off, I could feel it.

And then, when I return to school the next day after the trip, certain that E hates me, everything goes back to normal. I went to ask her if she had time to talk, and she was all smiles and told me that I could come by later that week. We also joked about the fact that she still hadn’t given up her habit of drinking coffee – something that was an inside joke of ours a while back. That was the first conversation in ages that didn’t leave me with tears in my eyes. That week, we spoke on three separate occasions. The first conversation was relatively normal. The second was about me going to a professional to seek help for my mental health issues (finally). We talked briefly about why E had set strict boundaries – she wasn’t doing well either, and she almost cried when she told me about it. I said something, and I felt bad for bringing it up, so I apologised to E the following day. Then she told me that she would keep listening, that i could still talk about my problems. I thought that she wouldn’t allow that anymore, so that came as a surprise. Of course I don’t want to keep complaining to her about virtually everything, but I’m glad she didn’t set a boundary there too. That was a pleasant end to the week.

We’ve had a few chats since then. She’s still very busy and won’t be staying after school to talk to me, meaning that I have to find time in her already packed work days. But I’ll take what I get, because it’s still something that E is willing to give up her time to just chat, even though it’s mostly nothing of importance. She also gets very apologetic every time she has to tell me that her schedule is full, which is both sweet and a bit sad. During one of our chats, we spoke about gap years, and to my surprise, she had one right after high school. She told about her reckless young adult years, when she would live at home and spend her savings on weekly visits to a local karaoke bar. She apparently excelled at school, yet she was very different from me in many other ways. At one point she sighed and wondered why she was even telling me this, and I had to hold back my laughter. That made me quite happy.

But alas, the situation still didn’t fix itself. There were a number of reasons as to why I still felt uneasy about everything, and almost scared whenever talking to her. There were times when I could’ve swore last spring never happened, but something was off. At one point I really thought the best thing to do was to just stop talking to her altogether, to force my overflowing feelings back under my skin, but I soon realised it was not going to work. My idea initially was to tell her that I was going to take a time-out and wait until she would have more time to talk about things thoroughly, but soon after it occurred to me that it would be the ultimate guilt trip for her. Don’t get me wrong, there have been many things she’s done that have hurt me one way or another, but I don’t hold her responsible. I know she means well and that yes, she probably felt shitty after what happened last spring, but she would never intentionally hurt me. She has, even after all this time, the right to be mad at me – I sort of broke her trust.

Since radio silence was not going to work, right before we went on fall break, I tried to find E at school to talk things out. Of course I didn’t find her, so in an email thanking her for a thing I also mentioned that I had something I would like to talk about. She responded, saying that we would return to the topic after the break. Well, come next week, and I was sure she forgot about it. Tbh she was probably expecting me to remind her (not the other way around), but I told myself it was not a thing that needed rushing anyway. On Thursday, however, I passed her in the hallway and took the opportunity to talk to her. “I haven’t sent you another email yet –”, I said, before she interrupted me mid-sentence with “next Wednesday. I’ll have a free period from x to y.” She was in a hurry, for which she apologised - but she was in a good, almost delighted mood. She remembered, after all!

Come Wednesday. I had been preparing for this moment for so long I had pretty much scripted the dialogue out in my head. But, as usual, things didn’t go according to plan. I hesitated, I completely chickened out. We did talk, but at first it was about everything else except the actual topic. Only in the last 15 minutes of our conversation did I open my mouth. I asked her if we could go out for a short walk before my next class, and so we did. The air was crisp, and neither of us had coats on. I told her there were still some things that bothered me about what happened last spring, a bit vaguely. She did take the hint, saying in an almost teasing tone: “ooh, so about the time when you said you liked me more than you should?” That took me aback a bit. I was surprised by her directness – I was expecting euphemisms, awkwardness, the like, because to me, it felt as if I was tearing open a half-healed wound. This just proved to me that it wasn’t a big deal to her (which was a relief!) and that she had always taken it somewhat well. Anyway, I revealed my reasoning behind the confession, and she told me that at some point in the spring she did feel a bit shocked by what I told her that day and that her personal boundary had been crossed. Fair point, E. I did violate her boundaries, I lost control, I was sure that the whole thing didn’t just fly past her head. But, that’s the opposite of what she initially told me: remember, she said she didn’t feel distraught. It wasn’t a lie at the time, but I wish E would’ve confronted me about it instead of having me second-guess each and every one of my actions. I am bitter, yes, but I’m sure E had good reasons to act like she did. It’s not simple to talk about these sort of things. I’m glad I got my reaction after so many months of waiting. Before our time ran out, I asked her about boundaries and I got the same answer she always gives me: “you can always, always come talk to me.”

We’ve been in and out of school this fall, reflecting how erm... well our country is dealing with the pandemic. We have had face to face classes almost periodically, but currently we’re in lockdown and thus back to online school for the rest of the year, at least. Quite ironically, I was supposed to talk to her at the start of last week, but it just so happened to be on the day schools were closed again. Just my luck, though I’m starting to get used to it. Things are okay between us – not the best, but not nearly as bad as a few months back. I’m currently fighting a pretty bad episode of seasonal depression, which in turn has made me an emotional mess, exaggerating my feelings for her once more. I’ve tried to keep myself together whenever we’ve talked since I kind of promised to her to keep these things to myself since E starts feeling really helpless if I burden her with my unwellness again. I want to talk about happy things, but right now I find it difficult to even point out something I would deem “happy”. Whenever I complain, however, she does the same, so I guess we do have some kind of mutual understanding in regards to that. I’m not exactly sure what to do now, what to tell her and what to leave out of the picture. I do want to be honest thought, because we all know how exhausting putting on a happy face is. The only thing is that I don’t want her to worry.

One thing is for sure: I want to fall in love like this again. I have only now begun to realise how much E actually gave of herself – I still can’t believe we’ve been driving around town together, or that she remembered my birthday, or that she has given hours of her time to just listen. And she still continues to do the latter, whenever she does have time in between lessons. I wish love was easy, all butterflies and rainbows and glitter. But it’s not: it’s bold, it’s giving, trying, failing all over again, in a loop. But to say that love, even in its ugliest forms, isn’t worth all the heartbreak and hurt and pain, is wrong. I would do this again and again, shatter my heart into a million pieces and glue them back together just to experience all the happiness that it has brought me.   

To quote a manga I absolutely adore, “Those treasured moments we shared are still with me now. And the bond we made will continue to support me, tomorrow and so on. I’m sticking to my dumb and ridiculous unrequited love.”

One day I’ll hug her again. One day. I have something to look forward to in this life.

[aka-indulgence]

His Bark Part 5:

He hadn’t meant to fall asleep. But the sound of the little human’s breathing below him had lulled him to sleep. It was much different than the snoring he was used to when Sans slept there; not that his brother spent much time with his family anymore anyways.

Besides his assignments, he didn’t spend much time with his family at all; opting to spend his every free moment with his “girl”.

Papyrus stared at the sleeping girl on the bottom bunk. She was clutching the pillow tightly, her knees curled in towards her chest, a very defensive position. Her hair fell over her cheeks hiding her cute face. He squatted down beside the bed. He wanted to see her sleeping face, up close. Carefully, he brushed the hair behind her ear. She flinched but did not wake up.

As he watched her back rise and fall, he began to understand Sans’ current obsession with his new lady friend. The little human was intoxicating, he found himself being pulled to her. Though he wasn’t sure he would ever be as fully involved with a girl like Sans was, he had to admit he wouldn’t mind having her around for awhile~

He sighed and pushed those thoughts away.

She wasn’t here to be friendly with though. Besides, he had very high standards that he doubted she would be able to meet-no matter how cute she was. He took one last long look before heading towards the door.

He better make breakfast before she woke up. He would hate for her to find him gone and start to worry herself again.

.........

She woke up slowly. Her eyes felt swollen and puffy from all the crying she had done the night before.

She looked around her, letting her eyes adjust. She was still in Papyrus’s room. Nothing had happened, no one had tried anything.

The girl sat up, listening for breathing coming from the top bunk. Was he still asleep? Did skeletons even breathe?

She didn’t hear anything; no movement, nothing.

That’s when her eyes came to rest on the side table. There lay her clothes, neatly folded with a note sitting on top. She reached for the piece of paper.

‘HUMAN, I HAVE GONE DOWNSTAIRS TO PREPARE BREAKFAST. IF YOU WAKE UP BEFORE I RETURN, GET DRESSED AND WAIT FOR ME; I WILL BRING BREAKFAST TO YOU. IF YOU ARE STILL ASLEEP WHEN I RETURN, I WILL LEAVE IT ON THE TABLE NEXT TO YOUR CLOTHES. PAPYRUS’

The girl felt herself smile a bit. Even though he was a killer, he seemed to be very thoughtful, if not just detail oriented.

She looked over at her clothes. They were folded nicely and smelled of what she could only describe as a mans cologne. Deep, rich, and musky. They felt soft as she picked them up. At least she had something familiar in this place.

At that moment she heard footsteps coming up the stairs. She felt her heart quicken. Was it Papyrus? The door opened slowly.

Papyrus peeked in the door.

“OH HUMAN, YOU’RE AWAKE.”

He closed the door behind him, setting the tray of food in his hands on the bedside table.

“DID YOU SLEEP WELL?”

The girl nodded.

“Yes. Thanks for...staying.”

A look of surprise crossed the youngest skeleton’s face. The girl thought she also saw some red spreading across his face, but he turned away before she could see.

“NO THANKS IS NEEDED. IT IS MY JOB TO KEEP AN EYE ON YOU.”

The girl clutched her clothes tighter.

“Yeah...right.”

Papyrus sighed.

“GO GET DRESSED HUMAN. YOUR BREAKFAST IS GETTING COLD.”

The girl nodded and retreated to the bathroom.

....

The girl seemed a little less uncomfortable when she was finally in her own clothes again. She ate her breakfast without much conversation, though her facial expressions said many words. Finally she finished her plate.

“Thank you for the food, you’re a very good cook.”

The youngest skeleton felt a beam of pride go through him.

“OF COURSE HUMAN! THERE IS NO GREATER COOK THAN I, THE GREAT PAPYRUS!”

The girl gave him a small, smile. Papyrus felt his soul thump a bit.

So cute~

“I wish I were better at cooking, I know the basics and I’m not too bad, but I could definitely be better. I do like to bake though.”

Papyrus raised his eye ridge.

“REALLY?”

She nodded. “It helps me to relax.”

Papyrus considered this. It would probably help the human stay calm if she were doing something she loved.

“...WOULD YOU LIKE TO TRY AND COOK SOMETHING?”

The girl looked up at him in surprise.

“...what?”

Papyrus studied her face. She didn’t seem apposed to the idea, just surprised to hear him say it.

“YOU COULD HELP ME PREPARE LUNCH AND DURING THAT I COULD TEACH YOU HOW TO IMPROVE YOUR COOKING SKILLS!”

She looked away sheepishly.

“Are you sure? I’ve been told I’m not exactly easy to teach. I-I tend to get overwhelmed very easily when I don’t understand or know how to do something.”

Papyrus puffed his chest up in pride.

“NYEH HEH HEH! YOU MAY NOT BE AWARE OF THIS HUMAN, BUT AMONG MY MANY TALENTS I POSSESS, I AM ALSO AN EXCELLENT TEACHER! I’M CERTAIN THAT BY THE TIME IM DONE WITH YOU, YOU’LL BE ABLE TO COOK AT AN ACCEPTABLE LEVEL. ALTHOUGH STILL NOT AS GOOD AS ME!”

She looked down at her lap, seeming to contemplate his offer. A troubled look came over her face.

“What about...your family? Won’t your brothers be upset to see me-out? A-And what about-“

“DO NOT WORRY HUMAN, MY COUSINS ARE GONE FOR THE DAY AND DO NOT USUALLY RETURN UNTIL NIGHTFALL. AS FOR MY BROTHERS, THEY ARE OUT WORKING FOR NOW.”

The youngest skeleton got up and strode over to the door. He opened it wide and looked back at her.

“WELL?”

The girl blinked a few times, before finally rising from the bed and following him out the door.

.....

“A GOOD KNIFE IS A CHEF’S BEST FRIEND.”

The tall skeleton brandished the utensil in front of the girl.

“IF SHARPENED AND PROPERLY CARED FOR IT CAN BE USED FOR A VARIETY OF JOBS.”

He saw the girl visibly swallow as the blade got near her.

“DO NOT WORRY HUMAN, ALL KNIVES IN THIS KITCHEN HAVE ONLY BEEN USED FOR COOKING.”

Without another thought, he turned and grabbed the vegetable he was going to dispatch.

“OBSERVE CAREFULLY HUMAN. I WILL SHOW YOU ONCE, THEN I WILL LET YOU TRY.”

She nodded and watched as he made quick work of the vegetable in front of him barely missing a beat.

“NOW YOU TRY.”

He motioned for her to step in front of the cutting board, handing her the knife handle first. He placed another vegetable down and stood off to the side, watching her intently.

Slowly, the girl tried mimicking his movements as she chopped the vegetable.

“NO, NO, NO! YOUR DOING IT ALL WRONG HUMAN! SLANT THE BLADE IN AND THEN CHOP DOWN!”

The girl nodded, adjusted the blade, and tried again.

“NOW YOUR JUST SAWING IT! IT’S NOT A PIECE OF WOOD, SLANT THE BLADE AND THEN CHOP STRAIGHT DOWN!”

The girl tensed, her hand shaking, chopping down dangerously close to one of her fingers. Something stopped the blade just in time. A bony hand grasped the knife, mere centimeters from cutting off the tip of her finger.

“WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! YOU COULD HAVE CHOPPED YOUR DAMN FINGER OFF! WHY WEREN’T YOU PAYING ATTENTION?!”

The girl let go off the knife and took a step back, hugging herself tightly. She let out a ragged breath.

“If your going to just keep yelling at me, I might as well just go back upstairs and you can finish lunch by yourself!”

This gave Papyrus pause. In his zeal for culinary perfection he had forgotten that she was still a novice. He had wanted this to help calm her down and maybe get another one of those adorable smiles out of her. But in his haste to teach he had forgotten how fragile she was right now.

“...MY APOLOGIES. I TEND TO GET OVER ZEALOUS WHEN IT COMES TO COOKING. I WOULD LIKE IT IF YOU STAYED TO HELP ME-CAN WE TRY AGAIN?”

The girl gave him a wary look. The tall skeleton sighed.

“WE CAN DO IT TOGETHER THIS TIME. I WILL GUIDE YOU TO SHOW YOU THE PROPER FORM. I ...PROMISE TO WATCH MY TONE.”

‘Just trust me human. Give me another chance. I won’t let you down.’

He saw the girl give a small sigh. Finally she walked slowly back to the cutting board.

Papyrus felt his soul leap.

The girl hesitantly picked back up the knife, then looked back at him, waiting.

Papyrus came up behind her, laying his giant hands over hers as gently as possible. He was careful to keep his body from touching hers-which wasn’t hard because of the size difference. But even so; his soul thumped from the close contact.

She was so small~

He moved her free hand to the vegetable and positioned her hand properly on it.

“YOU MUST USE YOUR KNUCKLES TO HOLD IT DOWN. THIS WAY IT WILL NOT SLIP WHEN YOU ARE HOLDING THE VEGETABLE, KEEPING YOUR FINGERS INTACT.”

She glanced back at him and nodded. He thought he detected a hint of red on her face. But otherwise, she was remaining quite calm at his contact.

Gently, he picked up her hand with the knife and situated it over the vegetable.

Her little body was now completely encircled and engulfed by his own. Though he took great care to keep her separated from him, he could feel the feeling from earlier creeping up in him.

Hunger....need.

He wanted her closer-right up on him. Close enough to smell and caress~

Papyrus snapped himself out of that train of thought. He had to admit, the human was intoxicating. But she still did not meet all of his standards! It would take more than an interest in cooking to hook him.

But...there was no harm in being a little bit closer~

“NOW, YOU POSITION YOUR KNIFE SLANTED STARTING AT THE TIP AND SLOWLY PUSH IT FORWARD WHILE BRINGING IT DOWN.”

He demonstrated this to her while guiding her hand gently through the motions. After a few more demonstrations, Papyrus reluctantly released his hold so she could try on her own.

“VERY GOOD HUMAN! YOU LEARN FAST, BY THE END OF THIS YOU MIGHT JUST BE A NOVICE AT IT!”

The girl gave him a small embarrassed smile.

Papyrus could feel himself itching to be close to her again.

.....

It took awhile, but they soon fell into a groove.

Slowly, lunch came together until finally the last thing to do was plate it.

“NOW JUST GENTLY SPREAD IT OUT ON THE PLATE IN A FAN SHAPE....YES, JUST LIKE THAT EXCELLENT WORK HUMAN.”

The tall skeleton looked over her shoulder as she spread the finishing touches on each plate, gently guiding her hands when needed.

Finally, she finished and looked back to admire her work.

Papyrus laid a hand carefully on her shoulder.

“VERY GOOD WORK HUMAN. YOU DID VERY WELL.”

The girl looked up at him and smiled, making his soul race.

“Well, I did have a good teacher.”

He could feel his cheekbones turning red at her compliment, and had to be mindful not to squeeze her shoulder in his excitement.

Behind them, someone cleared their throat.

Both the girl and the younger skeleton turned to find two of his brothers standing in the doorway of the kitchen.

“Are we...interrupting?”

......

;3 part 6 coming soon(ish) and hopefully you got to see the first ever fanart on my page! It’s so cool!

Submitted by @turtleskele

WOOOHOOHOHOHOOOO

This one... This one is fun owo and that ending, are you kidding me hhh I will be excitedly (but patiently) waiting for the next part!

Also here’s the link to the Ao3 one: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23164456/chapters/57399343

[turtleskele]

His Bark Part 5:

He hadn’t meant to fall asleep. But the sound of the little human’s breathing below him had lulled him to sleep. It was much different than the snoring he was used to when Sans slept there; not that his brother spent much time with his family anymore anyways.

Besides his assignments, he didn’t spend much time with his family at all; opting to spend his every free moment with his “girl”.

Papyrus stared at the sleeping girl on the bottom bunk. She was clutching the pillow tightly, her knees curled in towards her chest, a very defensive position. Her hair fell over her cheeks hiding her cute face. He squatted down beside the bed. He wanted to see her sleeping face, up close. Carefully, he brushed the hair behind her ear. She flinched but did not wake up.

As he watched her back rise and fall, he began to understand Sans’ current obsession with his new lady friend. The little human was intoxicating, he found himself being pulled to her. Though he wasn’t sure he would ever be as fully involved with a girl like Sans was, he had to admit he wouldn’t mind having her around for awhile~

He sighed and pushed those thoughts away.

She wasn’t here to be friendly with though. Besides, he had very high standards that he doubted she would be able to meet-no matter how cute she was. He took one last long look before heading towards the door.

He better make breakfast before she woke up. He would hate for her to find him gone and start to worry herself again.

.........

She woke up slowly. Her eyes felt swollen and puffy from all the crying she had done the night before.

She looked around her, letting her eyes adjust. She was still in Papyrus’s room. Nothing had happened, no one had tried anything.

The girl sat up, listening for breathing coming from the top bunk. Was he still asleep? Did skeletons even breathe?

She didn’t hear anything; no movement, nothing.

That’s when her eyes came to rest on the side table. There lay her clothes, neatly folded with a note sitting on top. She reached for the piece of paper.

‘HUMAN, I HAVE GONE DOWNSTAIRS TO PREPARE BREAKFAST. IF YOU WAKE UP BEFORE I RETURN, GET DRESSED AND WAIT FOR ME; I WILL BRING BREAKFAST TO YOU. IF YOU ARE STILL ASLEEP WHEN I RETURN, I WILL LEAVE IT ON THE TABLE NEXT TO YOUR CLOTHES. PAPYRUS’

The girl felt herself smile a bit. Even though he was a killer, he seemed to be very thoughtful, if not just detail oriented.

She looked over at her clothes. They were folded nicely and smelled of what she could only describe as a mans cologne. Deep, rich, and musky. They felt soft as she picked them up. At least she had something familiar in this place.

At that moment she heard footsteps coming up the stairs. She felt her heart quicken. Was it Papyrus? The door opened slowly.

Papyrus peeked in the door.

“OH HUMAN, YOU’RE AWAKE.”

He closed the door behind him, setting the tray of food in his hands on the bedside table.

“DID YOU SLEEP WELL?”

The girl nodded.

“Yes. Thanks for...staying.”

A look of surprise crossed the youngest skeleton’s face. The girl thought she also saw some red spreading across his face, but he turned away before she could see.

“NO THANKS IS NEEDED. IT IS MY JOB TO KEEP AN EYE ON YOU.”

The girl clutched her clothes tighter.

“Yeah...right.”

Papyrus sighed.

“GO GET DRESSED HUMAN. YOUR BREAKFAST IS GETTING COLD.”

The girl nodded and retreated to the bathroom.

....

The girl seemed a little less uncomfortable when she was finally in her own clothes again. She ate her breakfast without much conversation, though her facial expressions said many words. Finally she finished her plate.

“Thank you for the food, you’re a very good cook.”

The youngest skeleton felt a beam of pride go through him.

“OF COURSE HUMAN! THERE IS NO GREATER COOK THAN I, THE GREAT PAPYRUS!”

The girl gave him a small, smile. Papyrus felt his soul thump a bit.

So cute~

“I wish I were better at cooking, I know the basics and I’m not too bad, but I could definitely be better. I do like to bake though.”

Papyrus raised his eye ridge.

“REALLY?”

She nodded. “It helps me to relax.”

Papyrus considered this. It would probably help the human stay calm if she were doing something she loved.

“...WOULD YOU LIKE TO TRY AND COOK SOMETHING?”

The girl looked up at him in surprise.

“...what?”

Papyrus studied her face. She didn’t seem apposed to the idea, just surprised to hear him say it.

“YOU COULD HELP ME PREPARE LUNCH AND DURING THAT I COULD TEACH YOU HOW TO IMPROVE YOUR COOKING SKILLS!”

She looked away sheepishly.

“Are you sure? I’ve been told I’m not exactly easy to teach. I-I tend to get overwhelmed very easily when I don’t understand or know how to do something.”

Papyrus puffed his chest up in pride.

“NYEH HEH HEH! YOU MAY NOT BE AWARE OF THIS HUMAN, BUT AMONG MY MANY TALENTS I POSSESS, I AM ALSO AN EXCELLENT TEACHER! I’M CERTAIN THAT BY THE TIME IM DONE WITH YOU, YOU’LL BE ABLE TO COOK AT AN ACCEPTABLE LEVEL. ALTHOUGH STILL NOT AS GOOD AS ME!”

She looked down at her lap, seeming to contemplate his offer. A troubled look came over her face.

“What about...your family? Won’t your brothers be upset to see me-out? A-And what about-“

“DO NOT WORRY HUMAN, MY COUSINS ARE GONE FOR THE DAY AND DO NOT USUALLY RETURN UNTIL NIGHTFALL. AS FOR MY BROTHERS, THEY ARE OUT WORKING FOR NOW.”

The youngest skeleton got up and strode over to the door. He opened it wide and looked back at her.

“WELL?”

The girl blinked a few times, before finally rising from the bed and following him out the door.

.....

“A GOOD KNIFE IS A CHEF’S BEST FRIEND.”

The tall skeleton brandished the utensil in front of the girl.

“IF SHARPENED AND PROPERLY CARED FOR IT CAN BE USED FOR A VARIETY OF JOBS.”

He saw the girl visibly swallow as the blade got near her.

“DO NOT WORRY HUMAN, ALL KNIVES IN THIS KITCHEN HAVE ONLY BEEN USED FOR COOKING.”

Without another thought, he turned and grabbed the vegetable he was going to dispatch.

“OBSERVE CAREFULLY HUMAN. I WILL SHOW YOU ONCE, THEN I WILL LET YOU TRY.”

She nodded and watched as he made quick work of the vegetable in front of him barely missing a beat.

“NOW YOU TRY.”

He motioned for her to step in front of the cutting board, handing her the knife handle first. He placed another vegetable down and stood off to the side, watching her intently.

Slowly, the girl tried mimicking his movements as she chopped the vegetable.

“NO, NO, NO! YOUR DOING IT ALL WRONG HUMAN! SLANT THE BLADE IN AND THEN CHOP DOWN!”

The girl nodded, adjusted the blade, and tried again.

“NOW YOUR JUST SAWING IT! IT’S NOT A PIECE OF WOOD, SLANT THE BLADE AND THEN CHOP STRAIGHT DOWN!”

The girl tensed, her hand shaking, chopping down dangerously close to one of her fingers. Something stopped the blade just in time. A bony hand grasped the knife, mere centimeters from cutting off the tip of her finger.

“WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! YOU COULD HAVE CHOPPED YOUR DAMN FINGER OFF! WHY WEREN’T YOU PAYING ATTENTION?!”

The girl let go off the knife and took a step back, hugging herself tightly. She let out a ragged breath.

“If your going to just keep yelling at me, I might as well just go back upstairs and you can finish lunch by yourself!”

This gave Papyrus pause. In his zeal for culinary perfection he had forgotten that she was still a novice. He had wanted this to help calm her down and maybe get another one of those adorable smiles out of her. But in his haste to teach he had forgotten how fragile she was right now.

“...MY APOLOGIES. I TEND TO GET OVER ZEALOUS WHEN IT COMES TO COOKING. I WOULD LIKE IT IF YOU STAYED TO HELP ME-CAN WE TRY AGAIN?”

The girl gave him a wary look. The tall skeleton sighed.

“WE CAN DO IT TOGETHER THIS TIME. I WILL GUIDE YOU TO SHOW YOU THE PROPER FORM. I ...PROMISE TO WATCH MY TONE.”

‘Just trust me human. Give me another chance. I won’t let you down.’

He saw the girl give a small sigh. Finally she walked slowly back to the cutting board.

Papyrus felt his soul leap.

The girl hesitantly picked back up the knife, then looked back at him, waiting.

Papyrus came up behind her, laying his giant hands over hers as gently as possible. He was careful to keep his body from touching hers-which wasn’t hard because of the size difference. But even so; his soul thumped from the close contact.

She was so small~

He moved her free hand to the vegetable and positioned her hand properly on it.

“YOU MUST USE YOUR KNUCKLES TO HOLD IT DOWN. THIS WAY IT WILL NOT SLIP WHEN YOU ARE HOLDING THE VEGETABLE, KEEPING YOUR FINGERS INTACT.”

She glanced back at him and nodded. He thought he detected a hint of red on her face. But otherwise, she was remaining quite calm at his contact.

Gently, he picked up her hand with the knife and situated it over the vegetable.

Her little body was now completely encircled and engulfed by his own. Though he took great care to keep her separated from him, he could feel the feeling from earlier creeping up in him.

Hunger....need.

He wanted her closer-right up on him. Close enough to smell and caress~

Papyrus snapped himself out of that train of thought. He had to admit, the human was intoxicating. But she still did not meet all of his standards! It would take more than an interest in cooking to hook him.

But...there was no harm in being a little bit closer~

“NOW, YOU POSITION YOUR KNIFE SLANTED STARTING AT THE TIP AND SLOWLY PUSH IT FORWARD WHILE BRINGING IT DOWN.”

He demonstrated this to her while guiding her hand gently through the motions. After a few more demonstrations, Papyrus reluctantly released his hold so she could try on her own.

“VERY GOOD HUMAN! YOU LEARN FAST, BY THE END OF THIS YOU MIGHT JUST BE A NOVICE AT IT!”

The girl gave him a small embarrassed smile.

Papyrus could feel himself itching to be close to her again.

.....

It took awhile, but they soon fell into a groove.

Slowly, lunch came together until finally the last thing to do was plate it.

“NOW JUST GENTLY SPREAD IT OUT ON THE PLATE IN A FAN SHAPE....YES, JUST LIKE THAT EXCELLENT WORK HUMAN.”

The tall skeleton looked over her shoulder as she spread the finishing touches on each plate, gently guiding her hands when needed.

Finally, she finished and looked back to admire her work.

Papyrus laid a hand carefully on her shoulder.

“VERY GOOD WORK HUMAN. YOU DID VERY WELL.”

The girl looked up at him and smiled, making his soul race.

“Well, I did have a good teacher.”

He could feel his cheekbones turning red at her compliment, and had to be mindful not to squeeze her shoulder in his excitement.

Behind them, someone cleared their throat.

Both the girl and the younger skeleton turned to find two of his brothers standing in the doorway of the kitchen.

“Are we...interrupting?”

.........

YES! FINALLY ANOTHER CHAPTER!!!

Don’t worry part 6 will be coming soon(ish) :3

[miraculouscontent]

Will you make an analysis of Chameleon? That... thing gives a lot to talk about

I had no plan to initially because I figured that the worst of it was in the teaser, but…

Well, you’re not wrong in saying that it gave me a lot to talk about.

[”Collecting” Thoughts]

I want to start by talking about this episode not as a singular episode trapped in a vacuum, but as a season opener. It’s bad enough that this episode exists on its own, but it’s important to compare it to The Collector in terms of how it acts as a follow-up to the Season 2 finale.

Volpina introduced the grimoire via Adrien and had Marinette visiting Master Fu. The Collector follows exactly in its footsteps, taking place immediately after and showing the consequences of Adrien stealing the book. The Collector was a GREAT follow-up to Volpina, with the only sad thing being that Marinette took the fall for something Lila did; in fact, Lila herself isn’t even mentioned. Still, it furthers the plot and was set up perfectly by Volpina to continue the story.

Now, what did Heroes’ Day do?

Catalyst brought back Lila and set up Gabriel knowing more about his own powers. It set up his closer relationship with Natalie (regardless of how people feel about that), which was followed up in Mayura by Natalie taking the Peacock Miraculous to protect Hawk Moth.

It was also established that the Peacock Miraculous is damaged in some way. There’s no visible wear on it, but it causes Natalie to appear sick.

With that in mind, what did Chameleon do to follow up on that?

…It brought back Lila. That’s it. No talks with Master Fu, no discussion on the Peacock; there’s just nothing. Even Mayura itself didn’t have Marinette/Adrien and Fu talking about the fact that they know Hawk Moth has the Peacock on his side now.

As a season opener, Chameleon is a complete and total failure. Catalyst had already brought Lila back and this is essentially just a worse version of the way that Catalyst did it (disregarding the fact that we were blindsided by Lila in the first place because she only got passing mentions until the Season 2 finale).

All Chameleon wants to do is set up Lila as an antagonist, and even that’s in the laziest way possible.

Heck. We don’t even get a new opening. It’s the exact same as season 2, which at least went through the effort to change the backgrounds and some images. It was effective to make it different enough to be recognizable.

The seating change that happens in this episode could’ve been something to help Season 3 stand out and be its own thing, but it doesn’t stick around. I know I’m gonna complain about that whole scene in a moment, but keep in mind that I’m complaining about how the seating change happened, not the fact that it happened at all.

That said, let’s go scene by scene, shall we?

[Opening Scene - A Lack of Care]

Marinette dashing into the school due to running a little late perfectly exemplifies how this episode is going to hurt you, and I don’t mean that in a good way.

Remember Fred? Mylene’s father and the guy from The Mime? Of course you do, because he was very nice to Marinette and she made him a hat

In this episode, however, he glares at Marinette when she bolts past him (not even knocking him over mind you; just running a bit late as students do from time to time). It’s just a dumb five seconds, but it’s a great representation of what you’re in for; typically good people that Marinette helped in the past turning against her. It sets the tone and everything.

Moving onto the actual meat of the episode though, might I say that one of the worst things a writer can do is present us with a better idea only to strip it away from us?

This episode does just that when Marinette presumes that Alya saved her a seat next to Adrien. That presumption isn’t really a stretch. Alya is her supposed best friend and everyone is sitting with someone else, so it’d make sense that’d she’d sit there.

However, not only did Alya not try to get Marinette that seat, but the thought didn’t even seem to cross her mind. She acts confused by the fact that Marinette even considered that she’d be sitting with Adrien.

That’s because Alya didn’t consider that herself. No one considered that themself. No one texted Marinette about this arrangement, no one asked her, and no one thought it was wrong to shove Marinette to the back row without her permission. Marinette gets the shaft and we’re not even given a reason why everyone thought it’d be a great idea (Marinette just talked about being worried that she’d be distracted by Adrien; it still would’ve been rude not to ask her, but that would’ve been a better reason to put her somewhere where she’s almost as far away from Adrien as possible).

That’s not even getting into the fact that Marinette took that seat herself all the way back in Origins. She worked for that seat. She stood strong against Chloe and that seat was her reward.

But then, it was taken away from her, like the seat was some sort of metaphor for all the care everyone had for her.

Enter Lila, who is a masterpiece example of how to annoy the audience as quickly as possible. She lies compulsively (most lies not even being believable), uses pity to gain affection, and gets incredibly petty when confronted.

Worst of all, aside from Marinette and only partially Adrien, everyone is fooled by her lies. Everyone falls at her feet and does everything she asks, probably both because they pity her and also because she’s the equivalent of a celebrity (saving Jagged’s cat, knowing Prince Ali, etc.).

Even Miss Bustier doesn’t care that Marinette’s been put in the back. When Marinette asks about it, Miss Bustier fixates on whether Marinette has a hearing/sight issue or not. Miss Bustier is supposed to be an empathetic teacher who cares about her students, yet Zombiezou over here doesn’t have a reason for putting Marinette in the back when Chloe and Adrien are sitting in the front despite having no issues with hearing or sight.

Also, talking about the classmates themselves, it’s easy to say that Marinette looks in the wrong because she said “no” when Adrien offered up his seat, but that’s not taking into account that of course Marinette wouldn’t want Adrien to move for her. She sees Adrien as a nice guy, so she wouldn’t think he’d deserve to sit in the back by himself.

No one in the class considers this though, because of course they don’t. That’s just how this episode wants to work for the sake of its disjointed plot.

Then, Lila makes it all about herself, which convinces the class to get upset at their “everyday Ladybug.” It’s a jarring transition from the Season 2 finale, to say the least.

I’ll admit: before I saw the akuma going after Marinette, I honestly thought there would be a twist where Lila was already akumatized and everyone in the school were just going off her whim due to a spell, with Marinette not being affected because she was late to class.

(Probably would’ve fixed it too. Add in an opening of Mari talking to Fu about the Peacock, then a scene after Lila’s de-akumatization where Gabriel checks on Natalie and talks about what good akuma-bait Lila is… you’ve got a passable episode right there!)

The problem with this scene is how immediately everyone glares at Marinette. No one spoke up for her to say, “I’m sure Marinette didn’t mean it like that.” Heck, even if someone just asked why Marinette was acting like this, that would’ve been something, because Marinette is so obviously acting like this for a reason.

It’s not even like I don’t see why Marinette gets put in the back; it’s because no one will see the akuma if she’s sitting back there all alone.

…In fact, keep this in mind, because I’m going to bring it up later.

Anyway, it’s undeniable that Marinette gets the most disrespect in this episode, but I’d also like to bring attention to Adrien. Yeah, he glared at Marinette (I know what the writing staff said; it’s irrelevant to me unless the episode gets edited), but consider how much Lila gets into his personal space and then remember that Nino is sitting right behind them. We see Marinette be plenty angry about Lila stroking Adrien’s shoulder because she knows that Lila is full of it and is taking advantage of Adrien’s good nature, but even if Nino doesn’t know, shouldn’t he be upset by a clearly-uncomfortable Adrien?

[The Cafeteria Scene - How to Kill a Character in Two Minutes]

(Note: shoutout to Nathaniel, who’s sitting by himself and not being pulled in by catering to Lila’s needs; both he and Ivan seemed to be the ones with the most questionable expressions in the glaring scene when referring to whether or not they’re angry with Marinette. I still won’t give them a pass because the general atmosphere of the scene implied that everyone was angry at Marinette, but still. Ivan and Alix also don’t seem to show up in the cafeteria at all, but both of them along with Nathaniel return for the ending scene where Lila’s still lying. All of them do NOTHING in regards to stopping her, so I won’t give them any points, but I still thought I’d mention it.)

One of the biggest reasons that Lila doesn’t work as the antagonist she should be is because she isn’t clever enough. Her lies are often not thought through and are only believed because everyone has been dumbed down due to the narrative wanting them to obey her every command to make Marinette progressively more upset.

And it’s honestly hard for me to see the characters acting like this even when I know that it’s not in-character. If it was just acting kind to someone, then sure, whatever, they can be dumb, but not when it comes at the expense of their relationship with Marinette.

It’s hard because these scenes still exist. Whether it’s attempted to be written off as a joke or not, I’ll still have to watch future episodes and see these characters interacting with Marinette with the knowledge that she nearly got akumatized because they abandoned her in her time of need and they never apologized for it, at least not here.

The jokes don’t even work most of the time because they’re centered around how much Lila is fooling everyone, which shouldn’t be joked about because people don’t want to see jokes being cracked about something they hate happening when they’re already frustrated by it!

Alya and Nino just make everything worse. Their presence in this episode does nothing but show how badly this episode is trying to make you ignore what’s happening to Marinette (and partly Adrien).

Let’s start with Alya, Marinette’s supposed best friend. Now, she was already on thin ice when it came to the Lila situation considering what she said in Catalyst, but she’s even more blatant here with how little she knows Marinette.

It takes until the cafeteria scene for Alya to ask Marinette what’s bothering her. Except, she doesn’t phrase it that way. She presumes that Marinette barely knows Lila despite having no evidence of that. In fact, she has evidence to show the exact opposite; that something bad happened and Alya should be wary of Lila because Marinette is wary of her.

And then Alya has the gall - the GALL - to ask if Marinette has proof that Lila doesn’t know Ladybug, because “a good reporter always verifies their sources.”

Says the reporter who was so sure that Ladybug owned the history book she dropped instead of wondering if she might be giving it back to someone.

Says the reporter who was so positive that Chloe was Ladybug when talking to Nino, based on little more than Chloe having a Ladybug outfit that probably tons of people in Paris do because they’re likely a popular costume in stores.

Says the reporter who posted a video, on her Ladyblog, of Lila claiming that she was friends with Ladybug, despite having no proof, no evidence, and not verifying that claim with Ladybug herself.

Give me a break. Even if Alya has just “improved since then,” that doesn’t excuse the fact that Marinette should be a trusted source and that Alya should realize her own contradiction because they’re talking about Lila in the first place.

If Marinette needs proof that Lila’s not friends with Ladybug, then where’s Alya’s proof that Lila is? Because Lila knows other celebrities? There’s a lot of famous people who Ladybug has saved but isn’t friends with (ex: Jagged Stone, XY), so what makes Lila so special? Besides, Marinette knows famous people too. Even disregarding that, Alya is basically telling Marinette, “You’re my best friend, but I also believe Lila over you because Lila is more special than you are.”

Marinette is not doing this out of jealousy; we’ve established this already in Frozer, which Alya was there for when Marinette was okay with Adrien dating someone else. Marinette would only be upset by Lila if she had a reason to be. Alya needs to stop minimizing Marinette’s problems by boiling them down to jealousy based on information she doesn’t have.

I just can’t even imagine how hurtful that is to Marinette. Her own best friend doesn’t believe her and doesn’t even have Marinette’s motive right.

Oh, and then Nino fixates on the fact that Marinette eavesdropped on Lila and Adrien instead of the fact that Lila lies constantly.

You know, Nino, who watched Marinette from a distance due to his crush in Animan. Is that a tiny offense? Absolutely (even Marinette has watched Adrien), but my point is, nobody has their hands clean.

Marinette stated right up front that Lila felt off to her, which should’ve implied that Lila could’ve been already akumatized and thus Marinette had every right to follow her to make sure so no one else would fall under her trap, but Nino presumes the worst of her and instead chastizes her for eavesdropping on Lila and Adrien.

We talked about it in the last segment, but Nino did nothing when Lila was getting in Adrien’s personal space. Nino, at least in this episode, is much more interested in criticizing Marinette’s behavior than actually doing anything about Lila’s.

And of course, the narrative neglects Marinette mentioning that Ladybug showed up to yell at Lila or that she saw Lila steal the book because they need to make it look like Marinette has no evidence whatsoever. It’s not like mentioning the book would be a big deal, because Nino knew in The Collector that Adrien had lost Gabriel’s book. All it’d take is, “I saw Lila steal Adrien’s book so she could get information to lie to him with. She threw it in the garbage when Adrien came by and then I returned it to Gabriel the next day because I didn’t know how to give it back to Adrien without looking bad.”

Then all it takes is asking Adrien and Adrien would probably admit, “Yeah, I remember last having the book with Lila.”

But no. Not even Alya and Nino can be on Marinette’s side. Marinette has to struggle alone because I guess they needed a hook for this episode and it’s “could Marinette get akumatized???”

If their story was actually of value, they wouldn’t need to set up a fake hook for a trailer. The story should be able to stand on its own without needing to set up something exciting that won’t actually happen.

Which brings us to talking about Lila.

[Freaking Lila]

Lila is a good character in concept. I love the idea of her as a foil to Marinette; Marinette hates liars but gets what she wants through hard work and effort, whereas Lila lies all the time and gets what she wants through no work at all and tons of emotional manipulation.

But there’s just not enough care put into her lies. When we see Lila, the reaction we should have is to think about how amazing she is at lying and how understandable it is that everyone is falling for it.

Instead, I feel incredibly annoyed at the fact that Lila is going around spouting nonsense that no one but Marinette ever tries to check out. It’s ridiculous.

And Chloe is completely left out of this equation; the only other person aside from Marinette who has real connections that’d be able to out Lila. Chloe gets nothing of value in the entire episode. Her and Sabrina just stay right in their original seats and do so little that you’d be forgiven for thinking that they were just copy-pasted from some other episode because the script writers forgot to include them.

Chloe also does nothing about Lila stroking Adrien, because the show still cannot decide if they’re friends and if Chloe has a crush on Adrien. Actual chances at showing what it’d be like if Chloe put her talents towards something good are thrown out the window because they needed all that run time to have Marinette be miserable.

Lila is also very annoying as Chameleon. I liked that she just grabbed the akuma to show just how antagonistic she is, but she acts really obnoxious as Adrien.

To a degree, I get that. She was mad at Adrien, so of course it makes sense for her to make him look like a fool.

BUT, if she’s supposed to be such a master manipulator, why not act similarly to Adrien but just with a meaner streak?

They could’ve done another twist here as well. Instead of showing Lila taking Adrien’s form, why not cut right to Adrien (but actually Lila) making fun of Nino and then taking his cap, but with a tone that’s much more convincing of Adrien? Heck, Lila doesn’t even bother using Adrien’s form to go mess with Marinette; she just goes for Nino and then starts jumping around like a lunatic.

And sure, it was funny to see her get turned into a clam and promptly destroyed (Ladybug had a pun about anemones that made me laugh way too hard), but what did she actually do as Chameleon? She ran around like an idiot, knocked Chat out with the kiss (as if parts of the fandom weren’t already tired enough of that; also, there were probably at least three different things Chat could’ve done to stop that kiss without throwing himself in the middle of it), and then makes people upset for stuff that Miraculous Ladybug fixes anyway.

She does less as an akuma than she does as a person. That’s not how akuma should work.

Though, I guess it’s hard to top what she did as a person considering Adrien’s role in the plot.

[Adrien the Doormat]

Lately, Adrien has garnered a certain… reputation. It started with little things in Season 1, but by the end of Season 2, those little things weren’t so little anymore and were becoming harder and harder to defend.

That brings us to here, where Adrien joins everyone else in the “not defending Marinette” club, but it’s worse because he’s aware that Lila is a liar. Yeah, he tries to passively get her to stop lying, but Marinette is who he should be worried about.

And yet, by the end, he tells her not to do anything. I would like to think that he was trying to say that Lila’s lies would eventually catch her in the act, but that was one of the worst ways to word it.

Firstly, she’s presumably been lying all her life. Everyone’s fallen for her ruse. She’ll have to make a crucial mistake to even make a single person wary of her.

Secondly, this passivity of Adrien has been a recurring problem thoughout at least Season 2. His friends might not be suffering exactly, but Lila’s making them look like fools and he’s just letting her go on unabated. Just imagine what the classmates’ reactions would if they learned that Adrien knew that Lila was lying the whole time and did nothing while they obeyed her every need (though this will very likely go unaddressed and no one will know that Adrien knows except Marinette). At his current levels of passiveness, I honestly wouldn’t be surprised if Lila starts being physical with him again in future episodes and he continues to do nothing about it.

Thirdly, yes actually, exposing Lila will make things better. It’ll keep everyone else in check so they’re not constantly falling at Lila’s feet. Adrien’s only thinking about Lila and (presumably) the fact that she has the potential to become akumatized again. He has yet to learn that some people just have to be put into place, even if it means fighting an akuma afterward.

Fourthly, making a bad guy suffer has turned them into a good guy. That was literally Chloe in Despair Bear and Malediktator. It was when the niceness was brought back and boundaries stopped being set that she returned to her old ways. So, no, sometimes being punished is absolutely necessary and Lila hurting more is an inevitability.

Fifthly and most importantly, this scene deprives Marinette of all the agency she has, putting Adrien on a moral high ground yet again. I understand where Adrien is coming from - that he and Marinette know the truth and can talk about it so neither have to be miserable over Lila - but he clearly hasn’t thought this through. They basically just got back from an akuma attack and he’s only focused on preventing Lila from being akumatized again.

Adrien could’ve even argued that Lila would just lie her way around Marinette calling her out, but he doesn’t say that. It makes it seem like he’s not at all concerned about how Marinette comes out of this and is just trying to make her feel better about doing absolutely nothing to solve her problems. I get that he already tried to help Lila and it didn’t work, which might also be why he’s taking the passive route, but again, that’s not what he says!

Adrien isn’t suffering from this like Marinette is. Marinette is close to a majority of the class and was miserable because no one stood up for her or believed her. Adrien is close to Nino, sure, but really, how many times have they even had passing conversation in the entirety of Season 2? It isn’t much!

We’ve done this before in other episodes. Marinette isn’t allowed to do virtually anything anymore without someone getting on her case for it, even if she’s in the right.

It’s damaging, to both her character and the narrative.

[Back in the Classroom - Go with the Quo]

I appreciate that Adrien sat down with Marinette instead of Lila, but what Adrien says about taking the high road simply isn’t true. This isn’t the high road; this is complacency in a bad situation. Sometimes, taking the high road actually requires a detour. Doing the thing that’s “morally right” can mean accepting that some morally wrong things may have to be done to uphold that rightness.

And, of course, we get no apology. There’s no apology for Marinette’s hurt feelings. Alya returns to sitting next to Marinette, even going so far as to ask teasingly if Marinette really thought that Alya would let her sit by herself.

An insult to the audience’s intelligence, if not their memory, given the fact that it’s literally what Alya did at the very start of the episode.

Lila also (expectedly) continues to lie, and while I’m thankful that Adrien isn’t the least bit pleased by her sitting next to him, I’ll hold my judgment until the next time they have a scene together.

Also, everyone wanting to change seats out of nowhere despite having no established reason is incredibly weird, considering it’s Ivan who started the massive change and he’s sitting next to Mylene. Sure, Marinette thought about getting distracted by Adrien, but after Ivan and Mylene have been in an established relationship for so long, I’d think they’d have more self-control! Nathaniel, I get, because he can draw behind Ivan without being seen by the teacher, but everyone else makes little to no sense to me.

Not only that, but… it’s Season 3. We’ve been deprived of Adrienette development so many times, and when we’re finally given a scene where Adrien and Marinette are simply sitting together in class, we’re deprived of it. It’s like what I thought of Frozer; does such a small piece of development really take the ship so far that it needs to be immediately taken away from us?

This means that, for the third time in this episode, we’re presented with an idea that’s way better than what they end up doing. We already saw Marinette trailing off about being distracted by Adrien, so seeing it again just tests the patience of the Adrienette shippers who were hoping for them to stay sitting together.

[In Front of the School - Dragged By a Marinette]

I will give this episode one thing in that the scene at the end with Lila isn’t bad. The moments where Lila and Marinette are alone are miles better than almost any other scene in this entire episode. (I’d complain about the fact that Tikki isn’t angry over Lila and doesn’t validate Marinette’s feelings, but I feel like I’ve been through this song and dance before. Also, Tikki tries at least, even if for a moment.)

And yet, when Marinette tells Lila off with such a simple phrase, I don’t feel all the emotions I know that the episode is trying to make me feel.

I feel satisfied that Lila was annoyed by the end of the episode - it wasn’t nearly enough but it was SOMETHING - yet I don’t feel confident alongside Marinette.

There’s this confidence from Marinette that everything will be okay; that it’ll all be fine because she believes in her friends and that Adrien is on her side.

But I don’t think I believe that. I don’t buy that; not with the passive Adrien we saw here and not with the way Marinette’s “friends” treated her. Instead of feeling confident, I feel a growing sense of dread that things could just get worse from here. I don’t know how, but if the class treats Marinette in the future with the same dismissiveness that they did here, I can only feel afraid that Marinette is going to get all that confidence sucked away.

It’s not a pleasant feeling.

[Did Anyone Ask For This?]

I see what this episode wanted to be. I see what it wanted to do. It wanted to re-introduce Lila and (presumably) set her up as a recurring antagonist for this season. It wanted to have this dramatic scenario where everyone turns against her and both her and Adrien are the odd ones out.

It just asks for too much. To enjoy the episode wholly and completely, it wants you to buy so many things it’s throwing at you: Lila’s lies, Marinette being trashed for the upteenth time, and a terrible lesson for the character it’s being centered around.

And what’s the alternative to the out-of-character behavior? That these characters actually are so stupid and disloyal to Marinette that they’d actually do these things? It won’t get rid of the bad taste in my mouth either way, but I’d much rather believe that this is just terrible foresight at play than actual character assassination!

And… sure. Maybe sometime far in the future (probably near the end of Season 3), Lila will finally be revealed as the liar she is and they MIGHT apologize to Marinette. However, I say ‘might’ because Marinette has been told not to do anything about Lila, so it’s entirely possible that Marinette will just be like “finally” to herself but no one will apologize to her because they’ll conveniently forget about what happened here.

Even if they do apologize though - even if Adrien is actually in the wrong and they plan on addressing that - it’ll be too little too late. As a standalone episode, this is terrible. This episode makes me want Lila to get her comeupance, and while the ending at least has her get annoyed, it’s not enough considering that 80% of the episode was dedicated to Marinette’s misery and Lila being irritating. We’re supposed to feel satisfied by the end of each episode, but I’m instead left with an empty feeling in my gut.

This is where the thing I told you to remember - how Marinette is shoved to the back so no one sees the akuma - needs to be brought back. When the episode shoves Marinette to the back seat… when no one hears Lila’s threat to Marinette and it never comes up again… when Adrien tells her not to act… and when Marinette receives no apology for everything that’s happened… it’s giving a very clear message.

It’s saying that Marinette’s feelings don’t matter. That, no matter what, Marinette must take the high road regardless of what she feels. She’s the superheroine, so she has to always been perfect and always be a role model. Anything else is disgraceful.

Revealing Marinette’s misery to anyone means making everyone else look bad, so Marinette has to suffer alone, with Tikki comforting her only so she doesn’t get akumatized. Everyone else looks in the right because they don’t know everything and Marinette is just left there with her feelings hanging in the air.

That’s why the teaser alone caused people to freak out. We’ve been shown this multiple times before and this was just the final nail in the coffin.

It’s fair to say that Marinette should be angry with her friends. I wouldn’t blame anyone for being upset that Marinette was centering all her hate onto Lila.

But… at the same time, if we’re looking at it from a realistic point of view, I can see why she does it.

It’s a coping mechanism.

Almost all of Marinette’s friends are in that class. If she loses them, she only has a few left.

It’s easier to blame Lila. It’s easier to pretend that her friends aren’t betraying her and that it’s all Lila’s fault.

Lila is a single target that she feels she can deal with. To Marinette, taking care of Lila’s lies means that everything goes back to the way it was before.

Unfortunately, that’s not how it works. Her friends still need to apologize and promise not to repeat these mistakes in the future. Without it, their friendship is meaningless.

But that’s just how Marinette works. She’ll let it slide. She’ll let herself take the fall because that’s what she does. She’s been conditioned by episode upon episode to let people like Lila go around unchecked and feel better about themself just to keep akuma from happening even if it’d be more beneficial to do otherwise.

As long as it keeps the peace and lets Marinette keep her friends, she’ll do whatever passive thing she’s told to do.

Because, remember: at least in episodes like these, Marinette’s feelings don’t matter…

[timeoutforthee]

Like It or Not-Chapter 11

Taglist: @itsausernamenotafobsong, @sea-blue-child, @iaminmultiplefandoms, @princeanxious, @uwillbeefoundtonight, @zaidiashipper, @arandompasserby, @levyredfox3, @falsett0, @error-i-dunno-what-went-wrong, @scrapbookofsketches, @podcastsandcoffee, @helloisthisusernametaken, @amuthefunperson, @michealawithana, @yamihatarou, @heck-im-lost, @unlikelynightmareconnoisseur, @idkaurl

Summary: Logan, Patton, Roman, and Virgil are all struggling in their recovery. Their doctors, Thomas Sanders and Emile Picani think they can help each other out.

Aka Group Therapy AU

Trigger Warnings: denial, unsupportive people, invalidating feelings

Read it on AO3!

“Roman! A word?”

Roman turns away from the door and walks back to his teacher, Mr. Hurley. “Yes?”

“I noticed you weren’t at auditions yesterday,” he starts and Roman takes a deep breath. Yesterday, while all his friends were singing their heart out, he was in therapy with Dr. Picani. And during therapy, he had made a decision. One his drama teacher-slash-director would not appreciate.

“Yeah, about that....,” his teacher raises an eyebrow, “I’m not doing Beauty and the Beast.”

“...what?”

“You know, I’ve been having all sorts of health issues lately, and I think it would be best if I stepped back for a while,” Roman recites, perfectly, just as he and his therapist practiced.

“You look fine to me!” his teacher says, which is one of the responses they had planned for.

“Not all illnesses are visible.”

Mr. Hurley sighs and rubs his temples.

“What am I supposed to do for the Beast?”

Roman winces. He knows his director doesn’t mean anything by it, that it might even be a compliment, considering it was the lead. But having someone in his life immediately assume he would be a beastly, ugly monster is not doing wonders for his self esteem.

If it was up to him, he’d be Lumiere. But lately, no one seemed to ask what he wanted.

“I...don’t know?”

“Do you know how many men are in the theater department?”

“Six-”

“Six!” his teacher cries at the same time. “We already had to make the narrator a female role. That leaves seven male roles, and now I only have five actors?”

And there it is. The crushing guilt he was trying to avoid.

“I’m sorry,” Roman’s voice is surprisingly soft, “I just...I can’t.”

No matter what he wants, how badly he wants this, he can’t have all those people staring at him. He can’t make himself dress up as a terrifying, ugly beast. He can’t have people wait the whole play for a dashing prince and then just be...himself.

“You know, this could have been a big role for you. It would look great on a college application.”

Roman shakes his head, his voice failing. His teacher sighs.

“Fine.”

^

When Roman walks in, fifteen minutes late, he looks every bit as princely as he likes to pretend to be, except for the red around his eyes.

The other three exchange glances. Thomas smiles.

“Glad you could make it, Roman.”

“Ah, well, you know, you can never predict traffic!”

“Nice try,” Thomas’s smile never falters, “But try again.”

“Why, what do you mean?” He can see Virgil raising his eyebrows out of the corner of his eyes. Patton is looking at him in concern, and Logan is staring at him like he can see right through him.

“You know, part of group therapy is being open with each other, being vulnerable, even with emotions we find uncomfortable.”

“I, uh,” Roman sits down, “It’s just been a rough day.”

“We thought so, considering you didn’t show up for lunch,” Virgil says. Roman shoots him a glare. He couldn’t have, like, five minutes?

“What happened?” Thomas asks.

“I decided not to do the winter musical, which the theater department had some strong opinions about. And my dad and I got into a fight. It’s really not a big deal, I’m just being my overdramatic self,” Roman tries to brush it off.

“Roman, I think you may have trouble with invalidating your feelings.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, you tend to brush off your feelings by saying you’re being over dramatic, or that they’re not important. But any feelings you experience are very important to you.”

“Well, sure, I guess, but that doesn’t mean they should be...right?”

“Let me ask you this,” Thomas continues, “Why do you think they’re unimportant?”

“I was crying in a bathroom for ten minutes over not being in a play, doc, I think in the grand scheme of things, it’s not going to matter.”

“I think that’s a little unfair,” Patton speaks up, “I mean, depending on how big of a picture we’re looking at, we could argue everything is meaningless. But that doesn’t mean it truly is. Our feelings in the moment matter in the moment.”

“Also,” Virgil says, “I haven’t known you long, but even I can see how much Theater means to you. You’re giving up that passion, that escape from the real world. It’s a good step for you, and you have to do it, but that doesn’t necessarily mean you want to. Of course you’re upset.”

“That’s true,” Thomas says, “And plus, you said earlier that it wasn’t just that, it was the negative backlash from your director, and also a fight with your father-”

“Did I say that?”

“You did,” his therapist responds, “What was that about?”

“My dad was hoping that without theater, I could try and take up sports again,” Roman says, “And I couldn’t tell him the real reason why I couldn’t, so I just told him I couldn’t, but that wasn’t good enough for him and it just…” and, oh God, he’s getting choked up again, so he just cuts himself off, with a “today has just not been my day.”

“I think that’s a bit of an understatement,” Logan says.

“And that brings us back to undermining our feelings,” Thomas says.

“Okay, I get it,” Roman rubs at his eyes, a little harder than necessary.

“Why do you feel like you couldn’t tell him the real reason?” Thomas asks, a little gentler this time.

Roman laughs. “He wouldn’t believe me.”

“Wouldn’t believe what?”

“That I have an eating disorder. I eat so many fruits and vegetables, and I work out so much, my strength was the only thing that made him proud-” Roman’s mouth snaps shut before he starts sobbing again. This is ridiculous.

“Do any of you have a similar experience?” Thomas asks, “Patton, you mentioned before that your mom caught you, so she knows about your eating disorder. What about you two?”

“My parents do not know,” Logan says and Roman looks over at him, “My mom...actually asks me for diet tips.”

Thomas doesn’t even try to hide that he’s writing that down. That is concerning. “And your dad?”

“My dad has this ridiculous notion that psychology and mental illnesses aren’t ‘real,’ that it’s a new phenomenon instead of a legitimate medical field. I haven’t told him the specifics of why I need to come here, and he’s never asked,” Logan’s hands go to his glasses, like they usually do when he’s nervous, “And I intend to keep it that way.”

“What about you, Virgil?”

Virgil sighs, “I don’t know what Violet knows. She just...sent me to a therapist one day. I tried to tell her I didn’t need it, but she wouldn’t listen, and eventually I came here. She brought up my eating habits during our family session, so I guess that’s why. She makes me eat something at dinner, usually an apple, so I guess she knows. But we don’t talk about it.”

“Why is that?”

“Well, I don’t necessarily want to talk to her.”

“Why?” Thomas keeps pressing.

“I don’t really want to talk to anyone.”

“You say that, and yet you’re here.”

“Not for long if you keep questioning me.”

Thomas holds up his hands. “Okay. If you’re done sharing, that’s fine. Originally, today I wanted to talk to you guys about what’s holding you back from recovery. We talked about what was motivating you all to move forward, but we need to look at any toxicity in life and see if we’re able to cut it off. Does that make sense?”

They all nod.

“So would you say your environments are contributing more to your recovery or your disorder?”

They all go silent for moment, thinking.

“I mean, I think it’s fair to say my environment is great. My mom has been nothing but supportive,” Patton says. And she has. She’s been great, group therapy has been great, his doctors have been great, the only problem is him and this constant empty feeling in his chest. He almost feels bad. Apparently, Virgil picks up on it, because he jumps in.

“Violet’s trying her best, I guess,” he says, “She’s taking me to these appointments and she took me in, which is already more than a lot of people would do.” It’s just me.

“And that doesn’t invalidate your experiences,” Thomas reassures them, “It just means we have to look somewhere else to find your triggers.”

“My family is not triggering,” Roman rushes to say, but he’s a little too late and a little too unsure.

“Roman, let’s jump back a bit. You said you felt your emotions were unimportant. Have your parents ever said they were unimportant?”

“No,” he says immediately, then, “Maybe?”

“Which isn’t ideal. I don’t think it’s just you invalidating your feelings, I think it’s your whole family. And I’m afraid, and Emile’s afraid, that it might make you feel like you’re unimportant.”

Roman isn’t sure what to do. He knows he should straighten his back and flick his hands up and smile and reassure him that he doesn’t have to worry about that. He should defend his family, because they’ve done so much for him. They only wants what’s best for him.

But he’s stuck. The words aren’t coming up and he can’t raise his head to actually look at his therapist.

Thomas gives it a minute to sink in, then turns to Logan.

“And the fact that your parents don’t understand, that they consider your habits healthy even, is very concerning. It’s hard to step back and recognize that what you’re doing is unhealthy when everyone around you is saying it’s fine.”

Logan nods, thinking. If he had never met with the doctor, if he had never met with Thomas, where would he be now? Still delusional, not even recognizing the signs?

“This is such an important topic, and one you guys need to be aware of. I’m going to put a little star next to it, so you can continue talking about it with Dr. Picani,” Dr. Sanders says, “But we’re out of time for today. Until next time, guys.”

^

Roman tries to subtly speed walk down the hallway, but the other three catch up to him, anyway.

“So?” Virgil asks.

“So what?” Maybe acting clueless will work.

“So why did you skip lunch today?”

“And where were you during gym?” Logan asks.

“My director caught me right before I went to lunch,” Roman says, defeated, “Our talk wasn’t the greatest, and I just...couldn’t eat right then.”

“But you are coming back tomorrow?” Patton asks. After all, he’s never stopped his behaviors, why should he expect Roman to quit immediately? And really, they all know that. They’ve all had a good streak of eating decent meals for two weeks, but it was only a matter of time before someone had a bad day.

“Yeah,” Roman says, straightening up and looking Patton in the eyes, “I will.” And he means it. He doesn’t want to. But he will.

[addelkryvielt]

Be the one that matter the most for you

Tsuna P.O.V

For some time, feelings I felt for a girl of my class have suddenly disappeared, I didn’t feel anything for my first love, Sasagawa Kyoko-chan. I hadn’t spoken to Reborn but, I felt he was going to try other wacky techniques for put us together If I did... But to return to the disappearance of my feelings for her, I noticed a few while I was chatting with her brother and my sun guardian, Ryohei (aka Onii-san).

This is spent two days ago: “Onii-san! Since I'm telling you I don't want enter in the boxing club!” I say.

Onii-San then said: “But Sawada! You're so EXTREME you must come to the club Boxing for you to train at the EXTREME with me!” he shouted.

“Nii-chan! How many times I have told you to not harass people for join your club!” said a voice that came from behind onii-san, that voice was Kyoko-Chan's.

“But Kyoko! This is not harassing, is a recruitment to the EXTREME!” Replied his brother always screaming the word extreme.

“We have already talked about it! If Tsuna-kun doesn’t want to join the club, you must stop pursuing him throughout the establishment, and in addition to annoy Tsuna-kun, you disturb the other students and teachers!” replied Kyoko-chan in a firm tone.

“Okay... I'm quitting for today. I'll try again tomorrow to the EXTREME!” Says Onii-San before running again.

Kyoko-chan turned to me: “I hope you will forgive my brother, Tsuna-kun. You know how he is, he never let go the matter.”

“It's nothing, I get used to it now, he asks me every day.” I said. “This is weird, Kyoko-chan is in front of me but my heart does not beat at 100 per hour and my cheeks don’t burn.” I thought.

“Tsuna-kun? Something's wrong? You look somewhere else.” She said to me with a visible concern on the face.

“Nothing, nothing! Thank you for helping me with your brother.” I replied. “It Cannot be… Usually when I see her face, my heart is racing, and I become redder as a tomato! While there, nothing. No stress when she speaks to me, all the signs that showed my affection have disappeared!” I thought with horror.

Suddenly the ringing sounded and Kyoko-chan looked at me and said, “We must hurry, or we'll be late for the beginning of the class.” She took me by the hand and we Left in the direction of the room.

“Still nothing, even if it takes me by the hand, my body doesn’t react...” I tell myself when I arrive in front of the classroom.

That's the whole story. The only explanation I found is that I only see her as a friend now, and it doesn't surprise me if Reborn have some doubts about it...

Right now, I’m in love with another person, every time I see this person, I cannot help but be embarrassed in his presence, but know that this person is there for me filled with joy, a joy I had never known until then.

I had to go to class now, I had sufficiently made Yamamoto wait and Gokudera-kun at the usual crossroads.

Yamamoto P.O.V.

As usual, we waited Tsuna at the meeting place usual. Gokudera continued to call me ‘‘idiot’’ as usual, and as usual I laughed and ignored his insults. I was more worried about my best friend who seemed, for two days, worried about something.

“Hey! Idiot Baseball! Are you listening to me?!” Howled Gokudera.

“Sorry! I was thinking about something else, what were you saying?” I said.

“I was saying that The Tenth was a long time to arrive! More than normal, I mean. Don't you think we should go see if it didn't happen to him something on the ride?” Tells me Gokudera, visibly worried.

“Yeah, I'm starting to worry about Tsu...” But before I have time to finish my sentence, a familiar voice occurred in my back:

“Sorry! I'm too late this morning!” Say Tsuna after a run.

“Tenth! I was worried I wouldn't see you coming! Did something happen to you?” asked Gokudera visibly curious to know the reason behind my best friend's delay.

“Oh... nothing. You don't need to worry about someone like me.” I was looking at Tsuna, something makes me more worried about him.

“But of course, I'll worry about you! I'm your right-hand man!” Replied Gokudera to Tsuna.

“Maa…Maa… The important thing is that Tsuna is here.” I said, putting my arm around the shoulders of Tsuna. He seemed a little embarrassed by my gesture, which seemed odd to me because I did it quite often. I decided to remove my arm to not make a feeling uncomfortable. My brown-haired friend seemed to me disturbed when I'm close of him, am I the cause of his torments? I had make something wrong?

I wanted to know more about this, but not now, our priority was to be on time for the classes, otherwise Hibari would "bite us to death". So, we began to run for catch the lost time and hope to arrive on time.

We arrived just in time. The day had barely begun, and we were already tired. I watched Tsuna gasping for breath: “We got there in time, Not too tired?” I asked a little worried.

“N... no, it's okay! But it is true that we just happened, I was already seeing Hibari behind us!” He said, imagining the worst. I noticed that he was trying to avoid my gaze, so I was the one who caused him problems. I wanted to know why he's trying to avoid me. The class just started so I couldn’t do anything now, I had to wait for the lunch break...

Tsuna P.O.V.

It was getting harder to bear the look of Yamamoto. As soon as I turned my head in his direction, he looked at me. It was always with eyes full of confusion, he had to wonderer why I look at it as often but especially why I avoid him these recent times. He still must ask himself a lot of questions without finding an answer but, if I give him what he wants, I am afraid of breaking our friendship forever. He is the most popular boy in school, all the girls would kill to be able to go out with him, while I am only the No-Good-Tsuna, the boy which is most mocked in this establishment.

Yamamoto is my best friend, but I wish we were more than that. It's only a sweet dream, I know I have no chance of having it by my side as a boyfriend. He can go out with any girl whenever he wants, I’m just his friend and nothing else.

‘‘So why can't I get him out of my head?! Why does my chest keep hurting me so every time I think of him?! Why can't I fall asleep if I can't hear his voice?! Why is he the one who occupies everything my thoughts?!’’

A strong voice suddenly made me come out of my reverie: “Sawada! I'm talking to you!” The mathematics teacher screamed. “I've been calling you for five minutes! There is a problem? You have the face pale.”

I hastened to answer: “No, no, it's okay! I was lost in my thoughts!”

“Try to stay focused. It’s an exercise that is not so complicated if we listen well in class.” he said.

“Sorry, I'd be more careful!” I promise.

“Perfect, so let's take the exercise then.” threw the professor. And usually, I didn’t understand anything during the exercise.

At that moment Yamamoto asked me: “Are you sure you're okay? Looks like you're going to collapse from fatigue at any moment. You should go to the infirmary, you'd feel better after.”

He has always show insightful to guess when something was wrong. And ill had still reason, I hadn’t been able to sleep the two last nights, the fact of reporting my feelings for my best friend had disturbed me. Again, my heart was pounding, I couldn't look him in the eye. “I'm fine, I assure you!” I said to him trying to seem as convincing as possible.

“If you say so, but you know that if something is wrong you can tell me everything!” replied the boy amber eyes with a reassuring smile.

“I wish, but I couldn’t tell you, I would so much! You're so close, but you stay out of my reach, you are so close but so far too, it hurts so much! But what I want to tell you might separate us and that's the last thing I want. I'll keep my tears well-hidden even if you decide to love another one than me.” I thought sadly. “Of course! You know I can't hide anything from you!” I was sending her a smile. “If only I could occupy your thoughts as you do with me. If only I could be the one that matters the most for you...” I had the impression that my heart had been crushed and trampled. The pain was strong, but I must hold to not worry him more than now.

The bell had just rung, we had to prepare for the sports class. So, we went to the locker room, I finish change my clothes and I was getting ready to go out when I looked up and saw Yamamoto who began to undress. I could see all his muscles trimmed thanks to baseball and sports in general. I could feel my face becoming more and more red, I was frozen in front of this show, I didn’t know what to do except contemplate the body of athlete and, let's say, very sexy of my rain guardian to the perfect body. “Tsuna! All right?! You're bleeding from the nose!” Alarmed me Yamamoto by coming out of my fascination. “You should go to the infirmary! I'll accompany you!” He insisted.

“It's not worth it! It’ll pass, don't worry! I'm going to rinse my face with water and will be good!” I replied quickly.

“But...” He began.

“I'm fine, I'll be back soon, I promise!” I said before I ran to go wash my face as soon as possible.

When you arrive at the faucet, I started to pass water on me. “Really, what a moron!” I upset against myself “I'm just a moron, a moron who fantasize about his best friend to the point of bleeding his nose in front of him! He still worries about me now!” Tears came up in my eyes, I couldn’t help but cry.

“So, here's the explanation, actually you're really just a moron...” said a hidden little voice in the shadows. A voice I know very well.

“Reborn! What are you doing here?!” I was surprised to see him come out of nowhere.

“I've been following you since this morning, I wanted to know why you seemed so distracted lately. And I finally found the answer to my questions.” The Arcobaleno looked at me with a satisfied air on the face.

“What do you mean?” I was asking this question, but I already knew the answer.

“Stop fooling around, No-Good-Tsuna. I'm talking about your obvious feelings for Yamamoto Takeshi! I've been watching you since this morning and you just said it out loud, I thought you were weird and depressed a few days ago. You know I hate people hiding things from me, so I ran my investigation. To be sincere, I would never Thought of that but what matters now is how you feel.” I had a very bad feeling for the rest of the events. “That's why I'm going to help you confess, as for Sasagawa.” He said to me while Leon transform in a gun.

My hunch was right, reborn wanted to shoot me with a ‘bullet of the last will’ in my head to confess my love, as he did the first time with Kyoko-chan. “No Reborn! Not this time!” I said to him Before I dodged the first bullet he had fired.

“Well done, but will you be able to dodge the next?” He asked me, sure of him.

“Sorry, Yamamoto, I'm not going to be able to come right now.” I thought. “I don't want to confess and ruin our friendship, he doesn't deserve it. I'll fight you if you must!” I was donning my gloves and swallowing the pills that allowed me to get into my Hyper Mode. I really had to win this fight.

“That's interesting.” he let go.

 Yamamoto P.O.V.

Tsuna took time to come back, the sports class had already started. I was increasingly worried about him. I felt that he was moving more and more away from me and I didn't like it. “What are you hiding from me, Tsuna? You tell me not to worry, but how you think I'll stop worrying about you if you don't tell me what's wrong?! If you ask me to change my way of being I will make it, I’m ready to give up everything to stay with you!” The more I thought, the more I upset because I couldn't understand what upsetting Tsuna. I was wondering what kept him so long, I was hoping that there was nothing serious happen to him.

“Yamamoto! The ball!” One of my classmates told me just in time that the soccer ball was coming straight to my head. By reflex, I managed to hit in the ball with my foot and score. My comrades gathered around me to congratulate me on having scored, but I couldn't rejoice with them. Tsuna was not there yet, I couldn’t help to think of him. I couldn't concentrate completely on the game.

I walked away of the rest of the class to go and see what Tsuna was doing. Approaching the taps, I could hear a fight that was taking place next door. There was no trace of my friend, when suddenly I heard his voice a little farther.

I was approaching the place where the fight was going. I could clearly hear Tsuna's voice above me. By raising my head, I saw that it was Tsuna was fighting with the kid who was with him everywhere. The fighting looked intense. The kid knew how to fight despite his appearance, he trained me, so I know how strong he is. Tsuna probably knew this too.

It was a real test of strength, but you could clearly see that it was the kid who had the advantage. Tsuna had wounds all over the body, they were not profound but very numerous. When that my friend deposits his foots on the ground, it was hard to stand, I could clearly see it.

The more the battle evolved, the heavier my concern was. I had a feeling that It's been hours since I was there to follow the process when it wasn't even 10 minutes. My friend was getting hit more and more. Reborn, him, only had a few scratches.

In the end it was the kid who carried it. A bullet he had shot, had reached Tsuna and, in an explosion, he fell. I would run, and I managed to catch him before his head collided on the ground.

“Ya... Yamamoto...?” said my friend on the brink of unconsciousness. “It's you...?”

“Yes, it's me! Are you okay?!” I asked in panic front of his mutilated body. “I have to take you to the infirmary, and quickly!”

“It’s fine... don’t worry... I'm just a little tired.” He said to me with a reassuring smile.

“How can you tell me that everything is fine when you're in this state?!” anger began to take over my other feelings, I couldn't help but say what I had on my heart: "Why don't you tell me what going on?! I'm the one who cause you problems?! You don't want to be my friend anymore, do you?! You don't want to be here, by your side when I'm willing to do anything to stay there?!”

He suddenly laid his hand on my cheek, he continued to smile but this time tears sank on his face: “Ending our friendship is really what I want to avoid the most... I can't tell you all my thoughts... I would love so much but I'm afraid to lose you if I do...” Then he fell in unconsciousness.

“You should take him in the infirmary, I already told the doctor.” Told me the kid who snuck behind me.

I gave him a sign of the head and I ran with Tsuna in my arms. The priority was for him to rest and recover from his wounds.

When I arrived at the infirmary, the doctor Shamal was waiting for us. “Put it on one of the beds, I take care of the rest. I'll make an exception to my principle of only treating girls, I don't want to finish with holes in my body.”

I thanked him for his help, and I was waiting for him to finish applying the necessary care to my friend.

After minutes that seemed like hours, the doctor had finally finished. “How's Tsuna?” I asked.

“He is out of danger. The other kid was careful not to target his vital points. You don't have to worry, he'll be on his feet in a few hours after resting.” he replied.

“What a relief! He scared me when he fainted in my arms!”  I said aloud.

“Hey! The idiot Baseball!” I heard the voice of Gokudera come from afar. “How's the tenth?!”

“He's fine, he's just need some rest. How did you know we were here?” I was a little confused by the situation.

He looked at me with relief. "It was Reborn-San who told me during the sports class. He also told me that if the tenth was in this state it was because they were fighting, is it true this story?” asked me Gokudera.

“Yes, that's right. I don’t know the reason, but it has something to do with me. Tsuna didn't want to tell me anything before I lost consciousness, just that he told me, it could put an end to our friendship...” I said to him.

Gokudera looked at me this time with an incredulous look. Then he laid a hand on his chin while reflecting, “I see... For once I'll entrust you with the tenth. I'll find you an excuse for the sports class, I'll take advantage of it to ask for something to Reborn-san.” He told me before running in the opposite direction.

I sat next to the bed where Tsuna rested. “What are you hiding from me? No matter what you tell me, I will always remain your friend, even if to be honest, I would like to be more than Friends. You are my first friend and the first one that I love more than baseball. You're the one that matters most to me, much more than anything else in this world. I can lose everything, if you're here, I could keep smiling. You are my flame, the one that allows me to live. You are my sky, the one who shows me the path I must follow, the only one I really want to follow. So, no matter what you hide from me, I will stay by your side for eternity.”

I was looking at Tsuna's face, it seemed like he was having a horrible dream. I put my hand on his face to reassure him and make him understand that I was here. “Ya... mamoto...” said the brown-haired boy by shaking my hand in hers, my face had to become bright red, but my friend's face showed that he was sleeping more peacefully.

Tsuna P.O.V.

When I started to open my eyes, I was in a bed in the infirmary. While I was sleeping, I felt like I was holding something warm and reassuring in my hand. I had a dream that had begun in a very disturbing and frightening way. In my dream, I saw Yamamoto in the distance and the more I tried to catch him, the farther he walked away, until he turned around and said: « I'm sorry but... we can't be friends anymore. » And right after that sentence he vanished into darkness, but I felt a hand lay on my cheek. It gave off a glow and a warmth that made me think of Yamamoto, from then on, my nightmare left one of my most beautiful dream.

“I see you're awake.” says Dr. Shamal. “You slept like a stone. The boy who brought you here, Yamamoto I think, went to get food for you. You'll have to thank him, he's been with you all the time. While you were sleeping, you didn't let go of his hand only once.” He said to me in laughing.

I could feel my cheeks burning. “Even during your sleep, you can't leave him alone. What's wrong with me?!” I thought.

“I am back! Ah! You're finally awake!” said Yamamoto, seeing me sitting on the bed. “Are you okay? You're all red!”

“I'm fine, I'm fine!” I said to try to hide my cheeks blushing.

“If you say so... hold on I took this for you to eat.” He deposited beside me a sandwich and water.

My belly was beginning to cry with hunger. I thanked him, a little awkward, and ate what he had brought me.

After eating, Shamal left us alone in the infirmary. Being alone with Yamamoto made me feel uncomfortable. I glanced at him and I saw that he was reading something.  “Yamamoto, what are you reading?” I asked him, curious.

“Oh that? This is a letter I found in my locker just now.” He said to me calmly.

“A love letter, one more.” I tell myself to myself, I felt jealousy mounted in me.

“Tsuna? You look thoughtful. What's wrong?” He asked me, worried.

“No, no! I was just wondering what she was talking about the letter, that's all!” I hastened to answer.

“This is the letter of a girl who gives me an appointment behind the school after classes. I guess it's to ask me to go out with her...” He said to me.

“It’s like what I thought... These girls are lucky to be able to confess... not like me who cannot even tell him...” My jealousy grew more and more, I felt my friend get away from me, I couldn't take it anymore. “What are you going to say to her?”

“I'd tell her I can't accept His feelings. But why this question?” asked the boy with Amber eyes.

“To know! I'm a little too curious, sorry...”  His answer on his part relieved me very much. But that feeling of jealousy remained with him. “I don't know, maybe I'll have to tell him me too, even if I already know the answer... No, I can't, something would break if I did... doing it would be selfish on my part, I can't inflict it on him, not on him!”  The more I thought, the more I lost myself in my own feelings.

“Tsuna, are you sure everything's okay?! I know you're hiding something from me and I don't like it, so please tell me what's wrong!” It was rare to see Yamamoto getting angry that way, this time it was my fault. “I can't help you if you don't tell me anything!”

“I'm sorry but if I tell you, it will ruin everything between us...” I say to him. “Liar! You say that because you're afraid he'll reject you like everyone else before you!” I told myself, after it was all true! The real reason is this fear of being rejected, which grew with my love for him, which is my only brake.

“I see, I understand... I’m not trustworthy, is that it?!” He seems to have his eyes full of anger but mostly of sadness. “I don't understand! I'd rather go than have to bear more!”

“Bravo Tsuna! Catch him before it's too late, imbecile!” I had to tell him before he went away. I clung to him: “I’m so sorry!” The tears came up to my eyes and ran down my cheeks: “I'm just so scared that you're rejecting me.”

He turned and looked at me with an incredulous look: “Reject you? Why would I do that? You're my best friend and no matter what you tell me, I'll be there!” He tells me in a reassuring tone.

“That's not what I want to tell you, by rejecting, I mean like those girls who made you their declaration...” I explained to him.

“You mean this kind of rejection?! Tsuna, that means you...” Began my friend with ebony hair.

“Yes, Yamamoto, what I could not tell you is that... I… I love you!” I confessed. A huge weight came to disappear. “I know it's not reciprocal, but at least I would have tried... You don't have to love me that way, who's interested in a guy like me! I am only the No-Good-Tsuna, a good for nothing...”

Yamamoto suddenly shook me in his arms. “You shouldn’t decide in my place, Tsuna.” He had become calm again. “You have to stop decreasing yourself like that. If you want someone who's interested in you then I'm here. I have to say something, too, can I?”

“Ye... yes, of course, whatever you want!” I was nervous, waiting for his answer that way made me shiver.

“Well... I love you too!” He announced me with a big smile and his cheeks were as red as mine. My tears were flowing more and more: “You’re alright?! You're crying a lot! You hurt somewhere?!”

“No... no, I'm just so happy!” I threw myself in his arms. “I love you so much, it’s like a dream come true.”

“Maa... maa... It's the same for me. I've been waiting for this moment so long. I'm willing to give up everything for you if you ask me.” He looked me right in the eye. I was laughing at what he had just said. “Eh... I said something funny?”

“No, but I will never ask to give up everything for me. Would be a little silly, don't you think?” I replied to my beloved. “I guess we're a couple now?”

“Yes, a real couple.” He said to me with a tender glance. “I love you, Tsuna.”

“Me too, Yama... Takeshi, I love you!” And we kissed tenderly and remained in this position for several minutes.

After this event in the infirmary, Takeshi and me we’re go out together. I couldn’t dream better, after all, I am the one that matters for him.

  END

[imissyoulilgucciv]

So this has become more of a journal/grief thing which is interesting because I’ve also had a blogger but set to private since like 13 so thats intense and I have thousands of compulsive letters to no one, but my head just doesn’t seem to sort itself out, unless I can actually slow down enough, like right here. 

Today, 

Woke up 2 hours earlier than usual so I could have 1.5 hours more to instal my art, the word art makes me uncomfortable which is funny to me, so I went to install my thing but there was an accident so instead I got there with 30 mins, I got most of it done but not all, didn’t matter it was an inprogress crit and I could enough up to see. I always have so much in my head and I also used text this time which I thought was also funny because when talked about they called it poetry and I just didn’t even look at it like that 

I feel like this is the first project I didn’t stress over at all, but also had a lot of time to do it and no pressure from the teacher with harsh deadlines or anything so that was part of it, the other part is being in such a place of discomfort and shock that I have to be slow and I don’t have it in me to add any more chaos to the grief I’m feeling. So for me that is actually one benefit of this, its just saying fuck it to a lot of things, but in good ways. 

 my teacher cried during my crit which made me feel just great, and then I didn’t get a parking ticket but I should have, so I was excited and left but then went back to remove my shit and photo and then I went to get my car and bring it closer for the camera (long story) but I drove my car back in a slightly different spot and then still got a ticket because  the chalk was still on my wheels even though I was gone for at least an hour and a half. but whatever theres like 4 hours worth of “work”, not my biggest worries though. 

Then I busted my phone, my thoughts were oh well now I have an excuse for not wanting to respond to this persons text about hanging out.  

so i go get my old phone to see if I should still use that one, and ofcorse doing this leads me to 1 years worth of messages with gus. The struggle is real, I can’t even cry because this is so overwhelming, I knew it was always hard, and I was different this time around because I Was pushing back, but like you just see the back and forward nature and gus is like “im done” this is too much for me and then the next day or same day its like hopeful for the future we have and even one that was a super cute photo of like flower people (to me it was super sexual but he didn’tn notice this until I pointed it out then we joked  about being watered) but he said he wouldn’t worry any more and that he was sure no matter where we ended up we’d do something good or something like that, something that could make a small difference or whatever and that is heartbreaking, then you know the next day all over again fast and furious and I imagine how exhausting that was for gus, it’s overwhelming and I Feel in my state of greif I can understand BUT from the point of view that I have a reason to feel these ways which is much easier than to have a seemingly perfect life, beautiful face, no visible problems and people think stop whining or whatever and you feel crazy as shit because nothing feels right but nothing is wrong except you. Thats not a good feeling. Thats the invisible wheel chair. I just wish I had done so many different things, and said so many different things, I started joining in on the upset because I Wasn’t going to do that this time, I was being hurt to so lots of fuck you’s and I love yous and its fucking nuts, its all nuts, and this was the last time... I had no idea what I was in for. I could have done better but I was too involved, and also blinded by optimism. you don’t know whats in someones head and I forgot while gus was honest, he also had a way of only discolosing certain info, I thought he didn’t do that with me but in reality I can see now he did, just like he picked and chose what to tell his therapist about me, so that my image was protected. Gus was odd in that way, to protect my image because of how he felt, and its not that he was protecting his image to me, but I know he did want us to work out and he was giving me his best sides, and I loved those sides, and to think I got all the good, and yet still by the day, maybe week, maybe once a month you name it we would have really confusing fights where he would insit on withdrawing and I should have let him, I should have understood it was TOO much like he said I mean I thought I felt it was too much too, but like then it comes down to the I dont want to live without you 

and he realizes he can’t live with me 

and he doesn’t want to keep hurting me or his mom, and he realizes he could actually really hurt either one of us when he’s not making any sense 

and its exhausting back and forth, one week feels like a fucking month, and I think his whole teen/adult life was like that, it was super condensed and super fast. He did travel, he did live in a commune for a period, dual citizenship, went through a good amount of personality growth and interests, and the last being one that I respect a lot, permaculture, and then the things that stayed the same with him like the inside jokes and the laughing, his clenliness and interest in some rap with the perfect lyrics and same taste in music, so loving, so embracing. 

I can’t read these and think its over, I still open the door to his room when I get home and I think Hey Gus I’m back!! and I want to tackle him and give him all the hugs and kisses. The thing is we never had that though, I mean I never came home here, this was never my home, always a place I felt welcome but I didn’t live here, and I didn’t come here like every day nor usually when I was done with school, there would be times wher eI’d come but he would greet me at the front door, so this coming into the room and him being there is a fantasy I’ve created, Its the one where I think god like why couldn’t this be how it was, why couldn’t we have been this ideal happy family.. why did you have to leave, and why did I go so hard on you, and I know it wasn’ my choice but I really I’m so stubborn I can’t get over it I can’t forgive myself, I can’t thin it couldn’t have been different because it could have, and it wasn’t and I was part of that circle. I failed in ways I wasn’t aware of but I still feel accountable. 

So now to complete my overwhelming day, 

to see the medium perform ! Gus I hope you come, Ive been talking outloud to him, it comforts me, I think now Im going to be crazy lady , the one that doesn’t talk to cats but talks to the deceased bf. 

Its a disaster. I can’t be the same. I feel so wrong, but also free in all my wrongness because I can say piss off, I’m still working on  my piss of people pleasing skills because it just happens, I get nervous, then adrenaline that allows me to perform instead of being myself, or how I Feel. instead I can only use words and when my expression doesn’t match people don’t take me seriously, how can I blame them ?

I just miss you, 

I have a bracelet from the women in my group, she said she thought of me, that means so much to me, it says “my story isn’t over yet” super cliche but the intention and the person behind it just makes me cry because we share the worst thing imaginable. Blessed. although I’m not sure how to ever wear it because its a set size metal bangle type which never fit my wrists. 

I feel pretty nuts when I write like this, but I’d rather be here than having real friends and feeling like im going to have a melt down. I can’t cry right now even after reading those texts, I don’t know how I feel. I’m confused and upset but its numbing today. 

I do think gus was Bipolar which was what he said the first time around, he had actually been diagnosed, but that fell through, which I partically wonder if that was my influence on him and unfortunately I think between me and drug counceling he was oppossed to understanding the benefit of medication/or even necessity, and also the benefits of being diagnosed so proper treatment can at least be attempted, even though, unfortunately, the books just don’t always work. Like the book of parenting, or relationships because  I Was all wrong, and I have to think from the side of being with someone mentally ill, while I knwo I can’t be treated like crap, most of the time gus wasn’t treating me poorly other than making me hurt by the break ups and while I knew sometimes it was him being withdrawn and worried about how I felt, or being paranoid and we’d be okay sometimes it wasn’t that easy and my emotions would also take over so I’d believe him entirely and I’d be very hurt because it would always be very sudden. if only wed gotten help sooner, but I think again this time he was actually doing everything by the “book” all at once, he was invested in his interests, he was working out, he had a routine, a loving girlfriend, he was sober, seeking help.. 

and then he looses his shit with me and we think okay moving therapy up 

then he looses his shit with his mom 

then he’s gone 

it doesn’t feel good when you’re doing all the “right” things, thats why I said he wasn’t patient, you expect results, tired of hurting people and tired of feeling hurt, overwhelmed and the fucking pyshcotic voices convincing you of things that make no sense and go against what is actually true, the ones that tell you we’d be better off without you. the ones that told you I was lying or only using you, or whatever

IT wasn’t fair for you or us, and this is the price for all of it. We’d do anything to have you back. I still would have rather been taken out first, but that isn’t what happened. I need your mom to have something from you, I have my dreams but she is sinking and needs to hear something, what is “real” doesn’t matter because to me, whats there is real, just like your delusions, they were real. 

[such-a-common-girl]

Professor Winchester (Dean Winchester x Reader AU) Chap. 8

Professor Winchester Masterlist

Word Count: 2,270

Professor!Dean Winchester x Reader AU

Warnings: Language, mentions of drug use, angst, the tiniest amount of fluff 

*gif not mine, found off google*

Your mind begins to race as you take in the scene in front of you, panic overcoming your mind. Mr. Shurley is still standing there, hand in hand with who you presume to be his boyfriend or husband, a confused (and shocked) expression on his face.

“Dean Winchester?” Mr. Shurley says slowly. “I thought I recognized your car! You’re the last person I expected to see here tonight. How are you doing?”

Dean looks over at you, panic obvious in his eyes. You shake your head at him as if to say that you have no ideas. This is it- you’re going to get kicked out of university because even when you’re cities away from people who know the two of you, fate has a twisted sense of humor.

“I, uh, yeah. Me neither.” Dean stutters.

“How’s Sam doing? Haven’t talked to him in a while.” Mr. Shurley starts up a casual conversation, and your heart is racing out of your chest, wondering when he’s going to say something about you and Dean being there together. He’s not even acknowledged you, yet.

“He’s, uh, he’s great. Yeah. Him and Jessica are great, his job is going great… Everything is great.” Dean forces a smile. “I’ve actually really got to go, though, so I’ll see you at work on Monday.”

“First, introduce me! Last time I knew, you were still quite the player. Didn’t even take girls on dates. So, who’s this here? Must be pretty special if she’s got you wrapped around her finger like this.” Mr. Shurley directs his attention to you, a smile on his face. Confusion begins to fill your mind- what the fuck?

“She’s um,” Dean pauses, looking confused as well.

“I’m a friend of Sam’s.” You smile at Mr. Shurley, reaching out to shake his hand. “Sam introduced me a few months ago and ever since then, we’ve been together. I’ve heard a lot about you, actually! You and Sam are pretty good friends, right?”

You never knew you had the ability to come up with a lie on the spot like this, and it’s a huge relief. Any other day, you’d probably be offended that the dean of your university didn’t recognize you, but right now you’ve never been more grateful. You can see Dean’s face visibly soften, him breathing a sigh of relief as Mr. Shurley apparently believes your lie.

“Yeah I am.” Mr. Shurley smiles at you. “Well, it was nice to meet you, but I’m damn starving. I’ll see you on Monday, Dean.”

“See you.” Dean nods. As soon as Chuck and his boyfriend (husband? You didn’t see a ring) walk away, the both of you basically dart to the impala, taking a deep breath once you’re inside.

You don’t say one word as the both of you sit there in silence. Dean doesn’t make any attempt to start the car, only sitting there staring at the wheel and in seemingly deep thought. Your own mind races as well- that could’ve been it for you. That moment right there, if Mr. Shurley had recognized you, would’ve screwed up your entire future. You would’ve been kicked out of university (also getting Dean fired, which you would feel terrible about), and your entire teaching career would go out the drain. No decent university would accept you after they find out why you were kicked out last time, leading to no quality education, leading to most likely working a job you don’t enjoy.

Your entire future was risked tonight just because you acted on your feelings about your teacher, and the only reason it was spared is because Mr. Shurley apparently has a terrible memory.

“You alright?” Dean is the first to break the silence. “That was… That was really close, fuck.”

“Do you realize how bad that could have been?” You say quietly. “You could’ve lost your job. I could’ve… Dean, he’s going to find out who I am at some point. You know that, right? That lie that I came up with isn’t going to last long. He’s bound to see me on campus at some point, or god forbid, recognize my name. I’m on the dean’s list every year.”

“Yeah, I know.” Dean responds, taking a gulp. “We can figure it out, we can make it work, we only have to keep this up for one more year, we just need to-“

“Dean…” You trail off.

“Y/N,” His voices come out hushed. “We can figure it out.”

“No, Dean, we can’t.” You say way harsher than you had intended. “Shit like this is bound to happen all the time. We thought we were being safe this time, we’re not even technically in Kansas right now, and we ran into your damn boss! I thought we- I thought I could handle the risks, I thought we could make this work out and keep this a secret, but obviously I was wrong. This is too much, Dean. If Mr. Shurley…”

“No, no, babe,” Dean grabs your hand, trying to hold your hand. “That’s not going to happen. Trust me, it’s not going to happen. No one’s going to find out. We’re going to be fine, trust me, Chuck probably won’t even remember tonight anyways. Guy was high as a kite.”

“Dean, I’m scared… What if he does remember?” Your voice cracks.

Dean stays silent for a few minutes. He sighs as he hangs his head low, using his left hand to rub his temple. You know he knows the risks of this, too, and tonight only heightened it. You’re scared, no, you’re terrified. And you can tell by the look on Dean’s face that he is, too.

“Take me home.” A tear escapes from your eye. “I can’t do this, Dean. I can’t, I’m sorry. This… Us. It’s never going to work out. You’re my fucking teacher.”

“Y/N…” He says softly.

“Take. Me. Home.” You pull your hands away from his, looking out the passenger side window to avoid looking at him in the face. You don’t want to do this- you really, really don’t. You want nothing more than to keep living this happy, secret relationship you have going on with him. But after tonight, after running into Mr. Shurley, after the realization of what this “secret” can do to you if anyone finds out… You can’t do it. You can’t- you refuse- to ruin your life because of your attraction to your professor.

‘It’s so much more than an attraction and you know it, Y/N. You’re falling for him.’ You think to yourself. You shake your head, pushing away those thoughts.

“Okay.” Dean clenches his jaw, letting out a deep breath from his nose. His grip on the steering wheel tightens as he starts the impala, pulling out of the parking lot.

This time, the drive seems to drag on forever. There is no flirtatious banter, no casual conversation, no nothing. Just pure, uncomfortable, deafening silence. By the time you get back to Lawrence, you’re more than ready to get out of the car and let out the rest of the tears that are threatening to spill over.

He slams his car door shut once you arrive back at his house, a mixture of anger and sadness in his face. He waits for you to get out of the car before locking it and then stomping up to his front door, fumbling with the keys to let himself inside. You, too, search for your car keys so you can just leave. That’s all you want, to leave. You don’t want to make this any harder than it already is. You’re both already hurting enough.

“Y/N,” You can hear Dean say softly just as you’re about to open your car door. You freeze as you can feel his hand touch your shoulder, a tear falling down your cheek.

“Dean, we-“

You’re cut off by him turning you around and placing his lips on yours, kissing you gently. You don’t pull away; instead, you kiss him back. Your tears leak down onto your lips, and you relish in this moment, knowing it might very well be your last. This isn’t a normal kind of kiss- this is a goodbye kiss. The most bittersweet of them all.

His hands cup your cheek as he pulls away from you, an unreadable expression in his eyes. He smiles at you weakly before planting a sweet kiss on your forehead.

“I’ll see you in class on Tuesday,” He whispers before walking away from you. You take a deep breath in an attempt to collect yourself (and keep yourself from crying more than you already have) before getting into your car.

It’s over. Your “relationship” with Dean is over, and it hurts. You’d never felt this way about a man before; your feelings have never gotten this intense. But with Dean, things were different. He made you feel so happy, so alive, so… Indescribable.

‘Not that it matters anymore. It’s over.’

You take another deep breath as you pull out of his driveway, turning on the music in hopes of distracting your mind. You immediately regret your decision as Ed Sheeran’s “Thinking out Loud” blares through the speakers, making you shut it off immediately. The last thing you want to hear about right now is cute relationships that actually work out.

You manage to make it home without a breakdown, keeping your cool. You might be hurt beyond belief but you refuse to let it break you. You went almost the entirety of your life without a boyfriend- you can live without the absence of one now. Even if it is Dean Winchester. Even if you did think you were falling in love with him.

‘This was your choice, Y/N. You made this decision because it was for the best; don’t forget that.’

The second you walk into your house, Nina knows something is wrong. She’s sitting on the couch with some guy you’ve never even heard of, drinking a glass of wine while she obviously fake laughs at whatever he had said prior to your arrival. She looks up at you from the couch as you throw your purse onto the kitchen counter, avoiding eye-contact with everyone. All you want to do is go straight to your room and go to sleep.

“Y’know what, Daniel, I’m going to have to ask you to leave.” Nina tells the man on the couch next to her, giving you a look of concern.

“My names David-“

“Sorry, David,” She gives him an insincere smile. “But my friend here is obviously upset and it’s my duty as her best friend to put her before anything else. Sorry. I’ll see you around?”

“Nina,” You interject. “Don’t. I’m fine. Finish your night, don’t let me interrupt.”

You don’t give her time to respond before you walk into your bedroom, shutting the door behind you as you drag yourself into your bed. You notice that you have a few unread text messages but you don’t bother to check them before you plug your phone into the charger and turn on your TV, all intents of watching Netflix and snuggling into your blankets all night.

Just as you’ve pushed play on your favorite show, you can hear a soft knocking at your door. You sigh, knowing that it’s Nina. It’s not that you don’t want to talk to her or tell her what’s going on- you just don’t want to ruin her night just because you’re sulking about a breakup. If you can even call it that; you and Dean weren’t even technically together.

“Y/N?” Nina opens the door slowly, peeking her head in. Her lips curl downwards once she sees you curled up in bed, your eyes still slightly red from crying earlier.

“Go back to Daniel, or David, or whatever his name is.” You give her a weak laugh. “I’ll be okay. I promise.”

“I already kicked him out,” She puts her hand on your shoulder as she sits down beside you in bed. “Best friends are more important than one night stands. So, what happened? You wanna talk about it?”

“No, not really,” You shake your head. “It’s over. We’re done. That’s all there is to it.”

“Y/N…” Nina trails off. “I’m really sorry. I knew how much you liked him, he’s an asshole for-“

“I did it.” You cut her off. “I broke it off.”

“Oh,” She says quietly. “I’m still sorry. Whenever you want to talk- if you ever want to talk- I’m here. You know this. I’m never going anywhere; I love you. And Y/N?”

“Yeah?”

“Only two more months,” She gives you a smile. “Then its summer, and you won’t ever have to see him again.”

Nina leaves your room after that, giving you some alone time. You take some time to digest her words as you watch TV and eat the package of Oreos you keep in your room. You know Nina is right- only two more months. Two months and you won’t have to see Dean again unless you want to. These two months might be stressful and about every kind of awkward you can imagine, but you can do it.

All you have to do is make it through the end of the semester, and Dean Winchester will be out of your life for good.

a/n: theres only one chapter left after this…but I promise im not too mean, things will get better :)

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[myinnerthoughtsandwords-blog]

Throughout childhood I was a target for bullying. Before puberty hit, I was teased and picked on because my father died when I was 5, and the fact my family lived with my grandparents. Thinking back those are odd things to be made fun of, in my mind at least; but I grew up in a mainly white town, all picture perfect families where the mother stayed home took care of the house, 2 kids, and dog and the father went to work- my family was 2 mixed kids, a young mother who worked, grandmother who worked, grandfather who stayed home and watched us. My family was very loving and I would have never would have seen something wrong with the layout, but I got teased by cruel children. Kids who said "God took away my father because he didn't love me", "My dad must be my grandfather", "it's not normal to not have a father"... luckily my sibling didn't take any of this in, she (for what I know) doesn't have memories like these.

In an amazingly weird way, my sister and I- who are insanely close- hold things in differently, and I think a major key to it is the fact she is younger. She doesn't remember our father at all. I wonder alot if his accident happened just a year earlier would I be this messed up? But I can only wonder...

I did afterschool activities, I was into the girl scouts... but then one girl called me a witch and convinced all the other girls I was a witch. They stopped calling me by my name, and just called me "Witch". The Scout Leader said "oh they are just having some fun with you." I wasn't having fun, I was getting upset. I quiit the scouts. This all happened because the original girl realized I was the only girl with brown hair, everyone else was blonde.

Once puberty hit bullying got worse. I was one of the 1st in my grade to develop breasts, and I didn't go through stages... no mosquito bites, no tiny water balloons... it was just one day waking up, waking up with giant melons on my chest. From flat to a size D cup in 4th grade, it was embarrassing. I would get unwanted attention from boys, I was never interested in the idea of dating or anything. They would just stare from across the room, say things to make me feel uncomfortable...."You know my favorite type of swimming to watch, Breaststroke." Girls who wanted the boys attention would get jealous and say mean things to me, "It's just basically more fat on your body, you shouldn't be so happy with yourself." Then shortly after my boobs developed i got my period, what a disaster. I bleed through so many pants when I was younger because I was terrified if a girl caught me in the bathroom changing a pad she would tell the rest of the school. I broke out in such bad acne. I gained weight, went up 3-4 pant sizes.

At sleep overs girls would try to get my bra to bring to school, or put in the freezer. They would think I couldn't hear their whispers, over time I learned who I could trust and who was just a mean spirit.

The next few years in school sucked. A boy started a rumor that no guy was intrested in me because they could tell I was a lesbian. Another boy brought beer bottle caps on the bus to just throw at me and each time he hit he would yell "Ugly GOAL!."-got him thrown off the bus. One boy told me "I would be 'ok' looking if I got rid of my blackheads"- I cried, and my Mom and I went to the principal and got the "maybe he just likes you, he didn't mean it", my Mom got even more pissed and then he got thrown off the bus.

I heard terrible things about myself. How my hair is so thick it hides spiders, or how I didnt shower for days- that caused kids to try to leave things in my hair to see if it would be there the next day. Girls wanted to see if duct tape would remove hair, so tried to put some on my arms to rip my arm hair off- they would pretend to be nice then ask to do something mean or crazy like that.

Being made fun of for my looks was one things, but also my grades. We had older teachers who would reveal the worst 5 grades in the class, which for some subjects I would be in the list. My name would be said and kids would laugh, and I would have to sit there and take it. Teachers were also bullies, this did nothing to help a kid in need this just gave more amo for others to use.

Even the nurse made me feel uncomfortable and odd, I would get migraines but because I wouldn't get a temperature she would never believe me. She would think I was trying to get out of a quiz or a class, etc... it wasn't until I threw up on her and my Mom came in to bring home and got to explain to her I inherited migraines from my father, then she listened.

Gym class sometimes felt like the athletic kids where trying to hurt me on purpose. I got hit the face more times than I can count, and more than 1 time I remember hearing "yes!", "score!, "great catch!" then laughter.

Even in band, I was to be 1st flute in our school concert but out of my fear I quit. I was so afraid what others would say I didn't even try.

This was all through my grade school/middle school (my school was pre-K through 8th grade)

I just felt like there was no escape, I was always a target.

So when I got to highschool I had a plan, turn invisible. Invisible people can not get hurt.

This worked like a charm. No one bothered me. I would become visible from time to time, mainly to speak politically against someone brainwashed.

As you can tell I'm not a "popular" girl, I'm not athletic, not that smart, not very attractive- I'm average, still have the Ds, I'm a bit of a nerd/geek. Through school I was fortunate to find my "family", 4 girls who have been with me since pre-k... I still keep in touch with all of them. 3 of the 4 don't speak to the other, but that's their call. I've been there to see my girls exchange vows with the loves of their lives, be pregnant, have children, get homes- I need them to, hopefully one day, be mentally healthy.

I did have another bestfriend at one time who dropped me to become a "popular" girl, looking back I can see she was always selfish and she "made out" with specific people to become one with the "in" crowd

Unfortunately I am still holding on to everything all these bullies said. I'm still afraid of others. I do not see myself as attractive, I do not put myself out there, I play it safe. I still make myself invisible to the world, which is tolerable, but sometimes hurts. I've been my outpatient program for 4 weeks, see the same man each week, and yesterday he asked if I was new to the group. Since no one notices me, I am nobody. I am indeed invisible.

I fear my invisibility will keep me alone forever.

I feel I just babbled with this, which is okay, i believe no one is reading this, but if you happen to stumble upon this... sorry it's poorly written