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bigification · 9 months

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Fit to Fat to Fit - Male TF

Nate stood in his bathroom, staring at his own reflection. "What have you become?" He asked himself. His untamed hair. His big ball belly. His moobs. It physically and mentally weighed him down. He grabbed a measuring tape and wrapped it around his gut. "48 inches, a new high. I'm truly at rock bottom."

He spent a few more minutes poking and prodding at his fat. Being more and more depressed as he discovered new rolls of fat and bulges that stuck out farther than they did before. He then pulled out his phone and started looking at photos of himself from years prior. He landed on one from 3 years ago. He had taken a selfie of himself in a jockstrap.

"That was the beginning of the end for me." Nate stared at the photo. It was taken just after he stopped playing hockey, though he never lost the appetite he had while he played. "Man I thought I was so fat in this photo. It was the first time I realized I was getting fat, but if he could see me now I don't think he would feel so bad. Or maybe he would feel worse knowing this is where he ends up in three years." Nate can't help but to spiral. He thinks of what he could have done differently. Maybe if he just stayed in hockey, or if he just slowed down on his eating after hockey. Maybe he wouldn't end up like this.

In the middle of Nate's spiral of self pity, his boyfriend Andres walked into the bathroom. He noticed the measuring tape on the counter and picked it up.

"You shouldn't worry about it so much, it happens when you're in your thirties and you have an office job." He said trying to cheer Nate up."

"That's not helping. Besides can't you just do your weird magic thing and make us skinny and hot again." Nate sulked.

"For one, I promised never to use that on us. And also you're hot now so why bother." Nate just sulked in response. "Look, if it makes you feel better, I know the feeling." Andres continued. "Before we met, I was so hot, so fit. I was even an underwear model, although that was due in part to me using my power to make myself skinny. But that's beside the point." He pulled up a photo of him from before the two had met and showed it to Nate.

"The point is that I fell in love with a beautiful man with amazing cooking and now look at me. In a couple years I turned into a fatass with a beer belly and I couldn't be happier." Andres gave his gut a jiggle.

Nate seemed to chuckle a little, lightening his mood. Though he still seemed to be unsatisfied with his body. "Can we at least get a personal trainer." Nate asked. "Fine, if you really want to." Andres responded, feeling as though his reassurances failed to comfort his boyfriend.

A couple weeks went by and it was time to meet with their new personal trainer. The couple had tried to begin adjusting their diet to ease into the training, but both of them had gained weight leading up to it. Nate's cooking was just too good to give up so easily. They both drove to the gym and paused in the parking lot to gain their composure before going in.

"Does this shirt make me look fat? I hope it's not too small." Nate asked Andres.

"No you look great!" Andres reassured.

"I'm scared our trainer is gonna be a dick. What if he's like some jock douchebag that's gonna make fun of us for being fat."

"Well we're paying him so I don't think he'll care how fat we are, I don't think he'll be a dick. He looked pretty nice in the photos on the website." Andres pulled up the photo of their trainer. "Ok, he kinda does look like a dick." Andres said. Their trainer was posed in his car, flexing and pointing at his arm with a smug look.

"You know what, don't worry about it. Let's just go in." Andres said quickly as he got out of the car and went to Nate's side of the car to drag him out of the car.

The two sheepishly entered the gym, being that it was the first time they had entered one in years. They made their way to a private office to meet with their trainer to discuss a routine and diet before the training would begin. They knocked on the door and a tall strong young man answered. "Andres and Nate, yes?" He said politely as he let them in. "Take a seat." The trainer said pointing at a couple chairs across the room. The chairs seemed to let out a squeal as the two men sat down.

The session went on normally. The trainer introduced himself as Kent. He then went through a workout schedule and a diet schedule after asking a few basic questions about their life. After a little while, Kent excused himself to get a protein shake before they would finish up the meeting.

While Kent was gone, Nate leaned in toward Andres. "He's nice but he's still kinda scary."

"Well maybe... I could make him less scary." Andres suggested.

"You mean-"

"Ya." Andres interrupted. "Have you ever seen fit to fat to fit?" He asked.

"No, what is it?"

"It's a show where personal trainers gain a lot of weight so they can then lose it with the person they're training. It makes the weight loss feel more personal cuz both of them are losing the weight together." Andres suggested.

"So you're saying we make him fat so he can lose the fat with us." Nate questioned.

"Yes!" Andres responded.

They were both interrupted when Kent entered the room. He sat down at his chair and began typing away at his computer. Andres winked at Nate as he got up and approached Kent. He put his hand on Kent's neck and he almost immediately froze. Fat started to pile into the young man's body. His cut six pack became a large muscle gut that stretched his shirt to its limit. His solid pecs became soft moobs that pressed firmly against his shirt. His arms started to look soft as a thick layer of fat covered his muscle, though they still looked large and imposing. His ass widened until it took up the entire office chair he sat in. And his legs thickened until they permanently rubbed against each other. Andres was feeling generous as a large bulge formed in Kent's pants. Finally Kent's jawline disappeared under a layer of fat and a double chin folded under his shirt stubble.

Andres seemed like he was just about to end the transformation, but wanted to add one final touch. Kent's face seemed to mature as wrinkles formed on his face and his hairline receded. It receded almost to the point of leaving bald. His build also seemed to change as his already broad shoulders broadened and his belly and ass stuck out a bit more. Finally Andres lifted his hand from Kent's neck and sat back down in his seat. "Now he's about our age, and much heavier. He should be no problem." Andres said confidently to Nate.

As if nothing had happened, Kent swung his chair around toward the couple. He lifted his hand up to his gut and began rubbing it.

"Well let's get started."

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x-liv25-jamieswife · 4 months

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YAYY!! Reqs are open again! I know you’ve already done something similar but can you do maybe some hcs of Graysons mental if that makes sense (like anxiety, depression, schizophrenia) only if you feel comfortable ofc <3

sad grayson head canons pt. 2

of course! i wont be talking about schizophrenia though bc i don't know enough about it and i don't feel comfortable talking about smth knowing i might be writing things that are completely inaccurate and that might offend/hurt some people. i apologize if these suck or if this is really short. when i made this post, i had just found out someone in my family was in the hospital and i wrote these to distract me so idk how good they'll be. not all of these will be on anxiety and depression btw. tw for suicidal thoughts. hope you still like them <3.

when he swims at night, the pool tends to be very cold bc its the one of the only things that makes him forgot about everything that is making him anxious. if he can't swim, he takes cold showers.

although it might not look like it, he gets very anxious and overwhelmed in situations where there are a lot of people. he overthinks everything he says to them, wonders if his suit looks nice enough/if he's presentable, if he's making a good impression, and has trouble focusing when there are so many people he has to talk too. he's very good at hiding it though so you would never guess (like i said, multiple people, if its just one person it doesn't matter to him)

like i said in my last hc, he gets anxious when talking to many people. i want to add that usually, its not usually himself that makes himself anxious but emily talking in his head telling him he's doing smth wrong. basically, if it weren't for emily, he wouldn't be anxious talking to so many people. idk if this one makes sense.

one of the reasons he wears suits is bc it makes him feel put together when he feels like a mess in his head. he always looks so flawless which makes people think he's fine.

he went through a period of time when he was younger where he couldn't get out of bed to go to school/do his school work which ig seems ooc, but we're talking about young grayson here, not the put together version of him we know. he hated himself so bad he didn't think it was worth living anymore and thought that there was no point in working if he wasn't going to live long enough to get a career/become an adult. also, another reason was bc he felt sm pressure to be the best that he kind of just gave up. tobias got mad at him and thought he was overreacting. he did get better thanks to his brothers, enough for him to start doing his school work again and start handling the pressure he was under.

he's very self-conscious about his appearance. by this i don't mean looking put together, i mean sometimes he'll look in the mirror and think he's gained weight which makes him workout more/swim. its not that he finds himself ugly, he just doesn't want people to notice and think something's wrong/he's going through something when he obviously is (cause in his head, if he doesn't always look the same, people will think smth's wrong/he's loosing control but thats just not true).

he used to have bad acne growing up and it really affected his confidence. he used to try to cover it up with concealer but no matter what he did it was always visible. it ended up going away but he hates looking at old pictures of himself cause he hates seeing it. it caused him really bad anxiety in public bc he thought people were judging him.

sometimes, people will try to talk to him but he won't hear them bc he can't stop stressing over all of the things he has to do and is stuck in his head. people have to repeat what they're saying and and shake him to get him out of spiraling.

grayson tried to stop taking his anti depressants when he was younger cause he was sure he didn't need them. he realized not long after that he couldn't just stop and that they were actually helping him.

after he realized they were helping him, he started to wonder why he couldn't be 'normal' like his other brothers (at the time, he didn't know his brothers were also struggling with their own issues)

to handle his anxiety when he was younger, he would punch a punching bag. this was before he learned how to handle his anger and stuff. he only allowed himself to lose control when doing this.

his room and office have to be clean at all times. if it isn't, it causes him even more anxiety. it makes him feel messy and not in control.

his grand father used to tell him that hawthornes don't have mental illnesses and that he's overreacting (stupid ass grand father). it made grayson feel like he wasn't good enough.

after avery almost died during the bombing, he considered offing himself bc he didn't think he was worth it. he let one of the people he cares most about almost die, and the guilt was nearly too much for him.

grayson used to feel like he shouldn't be struggling the way he is bc of all of the opportunities and money he has. he felt like his feelings weren't valid, and that others had it worse. he tought he had no reason to feel as crappy as he did and that made him hate himself/think there was smth wrong with him. it only made him feel more depressed.

sometimes, he'd go on the rooftop of the house to get some air, see the height and the deadly fall, and consider jumping off. he used to think everyone was better off without him and that he'd be doing everyone a favor by offing himself.

in my first sad grayson post, i said that he owns a teddy bear nash gave him. he'll never admit it, but when he feels really anxious and like his world is crumbling down, he cuddles with it. it's one of the only things that actually helps him calm down. it also helps when he has a panic attack, he grabs it and holds it against his chest to relax (it also helps him sleep). the only one who knows about all of this is nash.

his anxiety tends to get worse during the winter cause he can't swim in the outdoor pool. its one of his most effective coping mechanisms. swimming in their indoor pool isn't the same according to him.

he used to hate christmas bc people would get him gifts he didn't think he deserved. he loved the gifts he'd receive but thought that people shouldn't be spending their money on him and that others were more worthy.

he used to see a therapist on and off for a while (in secret) when he was younger but would always end up stopping after his grandfather found out and told him he was wasting the therapist's time. he finally starts seeing a therapist consistently in his mid-20s (so after tgg and stuff).

#the inheritance games #grayson hawthorne #jameson hawthorne #avery grambs #nash hawthorne #xander hawthorne

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presidenthades · 8 months

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Once again, I am doing a series of my behind-the-scenes thoughts for The Golds while I do light edits for formatting, typos, and continuity. Here’s Chapter 7!

My original expected chapter count for this fic was 7 (one stanza of “The Song of the Seven” for each chapter title), but as I started increasing the number, I realized I needed to get creative with chapter titles. For this chapter, I picked the penultimate lyric “close your eyes, you shall not fall” because much of the chapter consists of Aegon helping Jace not “fall” into a further downward spiral, and there’s a certain amount of faith required by all parties that everything is going to be OK in the end.

Originally, Jace’s road to recovery was going to be even rougher than in the final version. She refuses to eat or drink anything, and her family gets pretty desperate to the point of doing stupid things to get her to eat. But I felt like that was unnecessary angst and trauma, and she’s already been through enough, so I dialed it back.

Similarly, she was going to have bad perinatal depression up until and after she gave birth, and there was a sequence where she refused to even hold Cheeseball for some time after he was born. But again, it made me feel like I was whumping on Jace and Aegon for unnecessary pain, so I focused more on the “comfort” rather than the “hurt” part.

This chapter is in Aegon’s POV because it was originally supposed to be the second half of Chapter 6 before I realized it was way too long. After I cut it in half, I debated rewriting it in Jace’s POV, but she’s stuck inside her head a lot this chapter whereas Aegon has a lot more action and growth. We return to Jace in Chapter 8 when she’s feeling more like herself but still recovering.

Orwyle is not a popular character in the fandom, which is understandable. He only gets like one minute of screen time, but that one minute made me think a lot about his character. When he’s a junior maester, he suggests a new poultice to try on Viserys instead of the traditional leeching method, and he shows a bit of doctorly compassion to Rhaenys when Vaemond’s body is being prepared. In the book, Orwyle’s defining trait is that he’s cowardly (he literally rewrites history to make himself look better to the Blacks, and he flees from the ship taking him to the Wall). But I was intrigued by how he ends up working at a mid-level brothel and teaches the girls there to read (how he gets caught later). He didn’t have to teach them how to read, but he chose to anyway (to his own detriment).

Overall I consider Orwyle as someone who’s very talented at his job (healing and teaching), and is actually a pretty empathetic person (good quality in a doctor), but he’s not strong-willed and is willing to cave on his principles to stay alive. Not exactly a villain, definitely not a hero either. So he’s going to do his job and do it well, regardless of his patient (especially in this AU verse where there’s less conflict).

After three years in the Stepstones, I’d be shocked if Aegon didn’t learn first aid (same with Aemond). He’s not necessarily interested in healing and such, but he’s capable of basic combat-adjacent medical tasks. So he knows how to clean and bandage wounds, and he can recognize common healing herbs.

I don’t think I need to explain that Westeros has a pretty poor understanding of mental health and doesn’t know what therapy is 😅. For most people who’ve undergone trauma, they would probably be told “carry on, as you were, etc” and they have to just “get over it.” But Jace is a princess who doesn’t have to worry about earning a living, has an overprotective husband, and is pregnant with a very important baby so her health and comfort are of paramount importance. So she luckily has a supportive environment dedicated to her recovery.

As is stated later in the chapter/fic, Jace fires her remaining LIWs because she’s convinced herself that it’s her fault they were injured/killed, and sending them away from her service will keep them safe. Irrational to be sure, but Jace has always been prone to blaming herself for things. She’s also worried that firing the LIWs will reflect poorly on them, hence her trying to compensate them monetarily. But the offer is insulting to Rhaena, who acts as a LIW primarily out of love. If Jace were more herself, she would’ve realized the implications of her offer equating Rhaena’s love/loyalty with a monetary value.

Initially, Jace’s list of “safe people” is very short: Aegon and Luce. Aegon is self-explanatory. Of all her sisters, only Luce makes the initial list because a) they’ve always been very close and b) Luce was there when they found Jace at the Garden, so there’s an added feeling of security. Although Aemond was also at the Garden, he isn’t on the list because their prior relationship wasn’t nearly as close as the other two.

When Rhaenyra touches Jace’s face while trying to feed her, Jace flips out because the Tyroshi grabbed her face when forcing down the dreamwine and later during his attempt with moon tea.

A little irony in Aegon offering to be Jace’s taste tester, when you think about how he dies in F&B 😢.

During Chapter 7 of the Handbook, Luce picks up three dragonglass daggers from the blacksmith. I mentioned them in the Handbook commentaries, but I’ll reiterate that she intended for Jace, herself, and Joff to each have one, as the three full-blooded daughters of Rhaenyra and Laenor. Jace clearly hasn’t been using her dagger, except to display it on her mantel maybe.

Daemon has decided to develop an emergency protocol in case any of the Targ girls are kidnapped again. I’ve been debating writing a oneshot about it.

Castle kitchens are hot, loud, messy places, and a princess would have no reason to ever go there. In a castle as large as the Red Keep, there are probably multiple kitchens. I imagine the Holdfast has a king’s privy kitchen and queen’s privy kitchen solely for prepping their food, and probably other kitchens too. I imagine the largest kitchens to be in the main part of the Red Keep, and that’s where Aegon puts Gyles and Ronnel. It’s a longer walk to get the pies to Jace and Aegon, but Gyles and Ronnel have a much wider social circle of other servants. It’s also where Aegon has his little office of petitions, and he likes being able to run out and grab pies whenever he wants.

Gyles and Ronnel are used to Aegon, so they’re relatively chummy with him. But they’ve never met Jace before, have only ever seen her at 1000% gorgeousness during her wedding parade, and have heard plenty of Aegon’s stories about how perfect she is. Of course they treat her with more respect and awe than they treat Aegon 😛.

I like to think that Ronnel does become a knight one day, and he wins a tourney in Jace’s name 🥰. And he’d probably take on a house name like Baker to honor his father.

I was trying to figure out how orange juice was made before things like juicers were invented. England had cider presses for apples, but citrus wasn’t really a thing for them back in the Middle Ages. Eventually I stumbled across the citrus reamer, which is definitely something they could’ve carved/created back in the day, but I COULD NOT get over how phallic it looked 😂. Naturally, Aegon finds it hilarious. I’m debating whether Gyles truly is innocent or if he’s messing with Aegon and has a great poker face.

I lingered on the details of how the pies are made because it’s important that Jace sees the process for herself and internalizes that pies are safe foods, they aren’t drugged, Gyles is trustworthy, etc.

I wanted to make sure that Jace wasn’t in a depressed, traumatized torpor all the time, because that isn’t how it works. She can have “good” moments when she’s moving around and seems normal, and then there can be “bad” moments when something triggers her, or she’s having an off day, and she spirals. The important thing is that she’s overall making progress, and it’s OK if she has days when she takes a few steps back.

We got more info in Chapter 8 on what Jace and Luce talk about in the garden. Luce is thinking about her upcoming nameday, which is the earliest date that Rhaenyra will allow her to be betrothed. But then there’s another year until her sixteenth nameday, when Rhaenyra will allow her to get married. Luce is pretty impatient, so she wants to figure out how much canoodling she can get away with during the year in between. So she asks Jace, because she’s positive Aegon didn’t keep his hands entirely to himself before the official wedding 😏.

Aegon is now very loath to ever let Jace out of his sight again, unless he’s 100% sure she’s safe in their room. The Joff incident in Chapter 9 probably doesn’t help.

Luce always haggles, even if it’s about how much distance Aegon has to stay behind her and Jace.

Aegon immediately gets bored of guard duty. I wouldn’t be surprised if he had some form of ADHD: Impulsive, restless, moody, hyperfixation (usually on Jace, but he can get really into his sleuthing).

Hypersexuality sometimes occurs after trauma/sexual violence, hence Jace’s uncharacteristic behavior after the garden scene. And knowing Jace, she’s probably (wrongfully) blaming herself somehow for “leading on” the Tyroshi.

Luce heard the Langward knight gossiping about Jace and got upset, then Aemond beat up the knight to make her feel better, as one does.

Court life means people are always going to gossip and run with the most salacious rumor possible, and it reignites Aegon’s desire for a private life, where he and Jace can live according to their own devices without worrying about what other people think. Unless he pulls a Maegor, he can’t do anything to stop the courtiers from acting like courtiers. So he comes up with the Dragonstone solution, but it’s only a temporary solution. As Otto says in Chapter 10, they are inextricably a part of the game, and Aegon and Jace can only hide away in Dragonstone for so long.

When they were kids, Aegon came up with many plans that got them all in trouble, so Luce recognizes the face he makes 😝.

Aegon has a very soldier mindset of “just pack some clothes and leave,” without thinking about how complicated it is to actually pack a princess’ household. Luckily Luce knocks some sense into him!

I don’t know what winter roses are supposed to look like except that they’re blue, but I liked the idea of petals close together huddling for warmth. And I completely made up Valyrian roses. Not sure if they actually came from Valyria or if it’s named just for the appearance.

Despite everything that happened, Jace is STILL WORKING 😭. What else do we expect from a girl who worked on her wedding night, I guess…

KL has a well system (it’s a big deal during Jaehaerys’s reign), but I imagine the public wells and fountains get real dirty real fast, especially in poorer parts of the city. When Jace was at the Garden, I imagine the girls had limited clean water to offer her for drinking and washing because they have to walk pretty far for good water. So Jace is thinking about that as she writes her well cleaning proposal.

I’ve been thinking a while about writing an Otto POV fic, and one of the ideas I jotted down for myself was that Otto is secretly a nerd about public infrastructure and sanitation. Oldtown seems to be a much cleaner and better run city than KL. I like to think about Otto adopting pet projects that make the capital less smelly and dirty. So Otto is naturally a supporter of a well cleaning project, and I’ve mentioned before that he likes Jace. Also he’s very invested in the pregnancy being successful, so he’ll do his part to reduce stressors.

Once again, the key to influencing/manipulating Jace is not by appealing to her own desires, but by appealing to the happiness and well-being of her loved ones. Aegon knows this, and it’s a good thing he adores her too much to use this power for evil.

Aegon’s household is basically just Gyles and Ronnel, so his departure preparations are quick. I’m sure he has personal servants assigned to him who handle his laundry and such, but he probably bribed them years ago to leave him alone so he can have privacy and sneak out. And he became rather self-sufficient in the Stepstones (although as royalty, he would’ve had servants there too for menial stuff), so he doesn’t want anyone helping him dress or shave or bathe or whatnot.

Aemond is such a bro, holding down a knight so Aegon can beat him up 🥲. Aegon knows Jace would disapprove of him breaking someone’s jaw for gossiping so he’s careful not to leave any evidence on his person.

Aegon also knows how to push Aemond’s buttons, so he easily convinces Aemond to join the Dragonstone vacation. Aemond would probably have invited himself anyway once he found out about the guest list.

While Jace has been reducing the governing work she does during pregnancy, Rhaenyra has been doing more of it. In canon, Rhaenyra seems content to isolate herself with her family at Dragonstone, so I carried over that attitude of savoring domestic bliss into this verse. But here, Jace is an overachiever, and I think her example kickstarts Rhaenyra into being more active too. So Rhaenyra has work obligations, and social ones as she’s been ingratiating herself at court again. It would be difficult to pack up her entire household (much larger than Jace and Aegon’s) and disappear to Dragonstone for 2-3 months, so she can’t immediately leave like the kids can.

Like Aegon, Rhaenyra is a bit paranoid now about letting Jace out of her sight. She’s also had a longstanding petty grudge about Jace picking Aegon as her #1, so she strongly disapproves of Aegon’s plan to take Jace away, even though Dragonstone is very close and technically her castle.

Aegon is not what I’d call emotionally mature, and he’s a troublemaker by nature. So he deliberately responds to Rhaenyra with things he knows she’ll hate hearing. And in the end, he forces Rhaenyra’s hand by telling Jace “of course Rhaenyra would love for us to go to Dragonstone” 😇.

Poor Daeron is too pure for Daemon’s Torture 101 class. Meanwhile Joff has an avid clinical interest in human anatomy, and Daemon is having the time of his life. Targ family bonding!

The Tyroshi put a collar on Jace, so Daemon put a collar on him to make things fair.

The Tyroshi knows he’s never going to escape, and he’s already endured an awful amount of torture/mutilation. At this point his goal is to die swiftly, so he tries to provoke Aegon into killing him.

I haven’t 100% decided the Tyroshi’s backstory, but I’m imagining him coming from one of the powerful conclave families in Tyrosh. There was absolutely no need for him to go to Westeros and make money through usury and slavery; he chose to because he thought it’d be fun to “get one over” the Targaryens by conducting a trafficking ring in their own capital (I imagine Tyrosh having an ancestral hatred of Valyrians, even though a lot of their culture was inherited from them as a result of being part of their empire). Just in case it wasn’t clear what kind of sadistic sociopathic person he is.

Joff has been brooding a lot about Laenor’s death ever since they found Old Willow, and now her guilt is carrying over into recent events with Jace.

We will learn more about the wet nurse in Aegon’s memory in future fics 👀. She calls him “Uncrowned One” because in this verse, he’ll be another Aegon the Uncrowned.

“Three children you shall have with your wife, black or green or something in between.” In canon, Aegon has three kids with Helaena. In this verse…well, I feel like I’ve dropped a lot of foreshadowing about him and Jace 😊. “In between” refers to how there isn’t a strong black/green divide in this verse, but there’s a new faction (gold) that includes people on both sides.

“All of them shall break like your legs and wings.” In canon, all of Aegon and Helaena’s children die terribly, and Aegon and Sunfyre end up crippled. In this verse, there is a close call during Cheeseball’s birth; if the maester and midwives had chosen to save Jace, the process for extracting a stuck baby is really gruesome.

“Unless you keep this little shadow close to the sun.” Jace has gotten a lot of sun imagery in this fic, and Joff is kinda obviously the shadow. It’s because of Joff’s intervention that the birth ends well. So there’s a way to avoid the “broken” part of the prophecy, but the condition must be met.

Aegon is a skeptic when it comes to witchcraft and prophecy, but there’s a reason his subconscious brings to the memory at this moment. Don’t leave Joff behind!

Aemond finds it extremely undignified that Vhagar, the largest dragon in the world and a veteran of multiple military conflicts, has been relegated to delivering baggage.

The stained dancing slippers that Jace finds in her room at Dragonstone are the same slippers that someone (Luce) accidentally ruins in Chapter 3 of the Handbook.

Valyria is strongly inspired by Classical Greece and Rome, so I decided to give them Roman-style bathhouses, which were often decorated with mosaics and has a hot room, warm room, and cold room. The Targs (or whoever built the castle) imported this to Dragonstone, and the volcano means they can get hot water very easily. Aegon was in the guest quarters last time he visited so this is his first time seeing the family bathhouse.

Some commenters suggested that Luce and Aemond are probably canoodling during their trips to the Dragonmont. There might be some of that going on, but Aemond is a huge dragon nerd, so I can imagine him geeking out about exploring the Dragonmont while Luce is disgruntled about him being oblivious to her attempts to make out 😂.

Gerardys is hoping that Jace will be OK with him and the midwives helping her by the time it’s time to give birth. But in case she isn’t OK, he decides to put one of the Targ girls on a midwifery fast-track. He picks Baela because she’s the strongest of the bunch, and acting as a midwife can be very physically exhausting.

Meanwhile, the mysterious bangs in the tower are Joff and Daeron trying to figure out ways to light the glass candle. This involves blowing up some stuff along the way.

Hyrkoon the Hero is part of ASOIAF lore, one of the potential alternative names for Azor Ahai. I decided that he’s the main character in quite a few fairy tales/myths, and every hero needs a sidekick. I invented the sidekick Santus the Swine by combining a half-pig character in Chinese folklore and Don Quixote’s Sancho Panza (whose name is supposedly derived from the Latin Sanctus), and it wasn’t until afterwards that I thought about the Pink Dread (which never happened in this universe because Jace stopped Aegon). I guess Aemond really can’t escape the pig references in any universe 🐷.

Anyway, Aegon’s really lucky he didn’t get himself and baby Jace killed when he shoved their wagon down their stairs. And Jace not being cut by the Iron Throne is a sign, maybe??? 👀👀👀 And yes, there is much symbolism in little Aegon helping baby Jace climb up the throne 🥺.

Chapter 8 commentary here

#my writing #meta #house of the dragon meta #hotd meta #fanfic meta #aegon ii targaryen #female jacaerys velaryon #the golds

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presidentlokis-hornyhelmet · 1 year

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Hello, uh- if you don't mind- could you do something of Pavitr comforting a transmasc(he/him) person going through dysphoria? for example wearing baggy clothes more often, having hard times sleeping, general body dysmorphia, etc?

I would prefer romantic with fluff/angst but no smut please!!

and if possible,, could it maybe include some fluffy kisses and cuddles?

sorryyyy if not that's totally good it's just that he's a comfort character for me and I would really appreciate the comfort right now. if you do end up replying- thanks so much and I love your work!!

Handsome-est Of All

Trigger Warnings: Gender Dysphoria, Body Dysmorphia, Light Angst, Fluff and Angst, dealing with transphobia, Negative Thoughts, pav being the sweetest bf, misuse of fairy tales dialogues mwahaha A/N: anon, may I just hug you for this ask? Because Ajsjdhjsk thank you for this one so much! <3 D/n = dead name Y/n = your name

Also read on AO3

They had called. Again.

You had finally come out as your true self after so long, moving to a new residency to avoid bullying and abuse - the least thing you could do for yourself. It wasn't completely safe out there yet for trans people, but you managed.

Yet somehow, they knew.

You cursed yourself. Should've never picked up the damn call! But perhaps, you had hoped there was at least a teeny tiny bit that they changed, that maybe you can make them understand; what it meant to you, how it was.. different and freeing. How this lifted the weight you've been subconsciously carrying since ever. How it felt as if being let out of a coffin; you could finally breathe.

But they had to ruin that too.

"Are you still not out of that phase, yet?" "C'mon, D/n, snap out of this." "Really? And what are you going to do about ..that?" "You still have it!" "We won't support you if you keep this up." "You just want attention."

You've cut the call long ago but those words.. they keep swirling in your head. You know none of it is true but.. but..

You sigh. The body dysmorphia you tried so hard to fight was back. And even if you know who you are now, it didn't stop the hurt. Tears flowed on their own volition down your cheeks.

Everything you had been running and tried to run from caught up to you. And that feeling of being stuck in the wrong body. It was like being young again -feeling lesser than, feeling like your body was always missing something, feeling like you were someone else... and the stress it put on you to conform to something you aren't.

It's just a phase.

You'll grow out of it.

It's still there!

"Why does life have to be hell for me!? It's not my fault I was born this way!", you cry, clutching your knees to your chest as you weep.

The oversized hoodie sags around you. Why am I never enough!? Why can't I just have a normal life!? Why am I WRONG!?

Add to that sleepless nights, eating disorders and hiding your wrong body under baggy clothes. You wanted to pass, but you couldn't risk binders due to medical conditions. Sometimes, it feels as if everything is against you, like it's closing in on you. Your hand begins to shake from the stress and you grit your teeth and take deep breaths to calm down.

'It's not your fault. It's not your fault, Y/n', you reassure yourself.

Sniffing, you move to the bathroom to wash you face. Bad choice. You forgot about the mirror inside and when you saw your reflection in it, the nightmare returned. The same reason you've avoided taking pictures. All too stupidly feminine, not masculine enough how much ever you try, stupid boobs, stupid voice, stupid wrong body. You turn yourself around: fat in the wrong places, too big, too short, too lean, too wrong.

It's still there.

You wish to stop the voices in your head, it hurts, but you can't. It feels like spiraling into a wormhole and it's mentally draining. Depression pulls you into the void and any thought you had of eating has been gone. You quickly splash water on your face and get out of the bathroom, back to your bed.

Curled up into a ball, you sigh, letting the tears flow freely. If only I can be right for once..

_____

Pavitr swings home buying take out for his favorite roommate and boyfriend- You. It was your favorite street food, and nevermind if it was past midnight now because you'd always be up for this one dish.

But also because Pav was concerned you weren't eating properly. He had observed your eating habits change for the past couple days but he didn't show he knew it, not wanting you to hide from him too.

You knew of his secret identity so it's not a surprise when he sticks to your closed window in full spider-hero attire, knocking to be let in.

_______

"Hey, lover boy, let me in!"

You startle, not expecting him so soon. He usually comes back in the early morning after a whole night of patrolling the city.

Quickly wiping your eyes and making sure it isn't obvious, you pull down your baggy hoodie to cover your body. Finally, you open the window, hoping nothing seemed suspicious.

"You okay, Y/n?", he asks even before he steps in. "Were you crying?"

He knew you were when you didn't respond with the usual Three Little Piggies dialogue.

"No -no, just.. wasn't expecting you so early. All good?"

You didn't want him to know they got to you. And perhaps, you feared that they may be right and Pavitr will agree too, despite knowing he doesn't.

"They called again?"

Your silence is all the answer he needs to come and sit beside you. "Wanna talk about it, babe?"

You shake your head and he goes quiet, pulling you into a hug, patting a soothing hand down your back as tears fill your eyes. Somehow it feels better with Pav just being there.

Life was so much tolerable with him being there for you.

"Why do only bad things happen to me!?", you sob, clutching his shoulder tightly like a lifeline. You fear if you let go, it might all be a dream and you'll wake up in your cold bed back there, stuck in the same body you've tried to get out of. "Why am I never enough?"

Why must I always be a disappointment!? Why can I never be right!?

Pavitr simply cradles you in his embrace, kissing away your tears and whispering words of reassurance. He holds your hand and brings it to his chest as you rest your head on his shoulders, the steady thump of heartbeat beneath your palm calming you down.

You choke out a sigh, tears slowing down. Why is it so hard to have a normal life?

"C'mere, big boy."

You lean your head back to look up at him and Pavitr responds by kissing the edge of your lips sweetly. “I want you to always remember that I’m here for you. I care about you and I’ll support you no matter what, okay? Forget about those assholes."

You were unable to respond verbally with the sadness overwhelming you, negativity corrupting your thoughts. And Pavitr knew exactly the doubt plaguing your mind.

"You are a man, and no one can change that."

For some reason you are still unable to accept it, shaking your head as you push yourself further into the crook of his neck, quietly feeling the rise and fall of his chest as he kisses the top of your head. His musk cologne is relaxing and finally, you're in control of your emotions but you still can't look up.

"I look too feminine", you mumble, fidgeting with the sleeve of your blue hoodie, trying to pull it down and sag your body so your chest isn't too obvious.

Blue was a color that makes you feel better, feel more masculine and comfortable in times like these.

"You're always a man to me, babe. Plus, you just don't vibe female, my handsome Prince."

The words are magic and they instantly make you feel better. And coming from Pavitr Prabhakar means a lot to you.

A stray tear escapes your eye, but this is one of joy. Pavitr surges forward, peppering your face in kisses making you laugh.

"Aww, I didn't know you were such a sappy guy!" , you tease but he just grins in reply. It's contagious, making you grin too. You cup his face and lean in for a kiss. "And you're my Knight in Shining Spider armour."

It's the first time you guys have kissed like that -deep and full of emotion- and he's quite mesmerized, eyes closed even after you pull away. Sure, you've kissed before but this, for some reason is absolutely magical.

Your stomach chooses just then to rumble embarrassingly loud. And sure enough, Pavitr had bought your appetite back too.

Your eyes only then find the street food he's bought for you, the smell wafting to your nose teasingly. Your taste buds get excited, on the verge of salivating. Pavitr encourages you to take it and you eat your fill happily, feeding some to your superhot superhero bf.

"You just became Boyfriend of The Year, Pav."

He keeps looking at you in awe, sub-consciously touching his lips.

"What?", you chuckle, smiling at the silly lovestruck face he's wearing.

His thumb reaches oh-so-gently to collect the gravy on the edge of your lips, making you all warm and tingly on the inside. Your heart pumps faster as he wipes it off, lingering a bit. This was much more intimate than anything you've ever done and oh, God, his eyes are sparkling in the moonlight -you wanna kiss him so bad.

"My Handsome Prince, handsome-est of them all."

__________________

Pav: *gets hit in the face with a pillow* ow, babe You: that is for ruining a romantic moment I've googled a lot and tried to understand.. feedback and concrits are welcome! Pls do lmk if anything is wrong/offensive or needs to be tagged/warned. Hope you enjoyed it! <3

#PLS READ THE TAGS BEFORE YOU PROCEED!#tw #Pavitr x you #pavitr x y/n #pavitr x reader #pavitr prabhakar x you #pavitr prabhakar x male reader #pavitr prabhakar x transmasc reader #pavitr prabhakar x reader #atsv pavitr #pavitr my beloved #spiderverse pavitr #pavitr prabhakar x m!reader #pavitr x male reader #pavitr x m!reader #TW #spiderman india

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headhedgehog · 9 months

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Kunigami happily accepted a cup of tea from his sister-in-law as she joined him on the couch. His husband was sprawled on the floor next to his tiny niece, watching with rapt attention as she reached for toys just out of her reach.

"Okay, kiddo, warp speed," Chigiri said to the baby, gently scooping her up and moving her closer to the toys. "Uncle Hyoma will have you running all over the place before you know it."

"Hyoma, please, I've only got so much energy," Chigiri's sister moaned from the couch. "Let her take her time to start running, okay?"

Chigiri shot her his best annoying-little-brother grin and turned his attention back to the baby.

"He's better with her than I expected," Chigiri's sister said to Kunigami. "He's never been much of a kid person. Classic youngest child, y'know?"

"She may have converted him, he talks about her all the time. He's very excited to be Bad Influence Uncle Hyoma when she's older."

"Goddamnit." She took a beat, watching her brother with a soft expression on her face. "Have you two thought about having your own?"

"What, by magic?"

"Stop it, you know there are plenty of ways for gay couples to have children."

"Now you sound like my mother." Kunigami watched his husband giggle at the baby's attempts to mimic his expressions. "I always thought I'd be a father some day, but when we got married I let it go. Hyoma told me he didn't want kids before I proposed and that's okay with me. Hyoma's enough."

The baby started to fuss, and Chigiri stood and scooped her up, snuggled her to his chest. She settled almost immediately and cuddled closer to her uncle. Within a few minutes, she was asleep.

"Sorry Hyoma, I think you might be stuck like that for a bit," his sister said.

"I don't mind, let her sleep."

Watching Chigiri sway gently with the sleeping girl, his thumb gently rubbing the back of her head, did something to Kunigami's heart. Chigiri just looked right holding a baby, in spite of his prickly, anything-but-gentle personality. Kunigami had always been the more domestic of the two, had always valued a peaceful, comfortable home life above almost all else after his turn in the Wild Card program. But even he didn't have the same ease with children that Chigiri had with his niece.

Maybe, he realized, he wasn't totally ready to give up on the idea of fatherhood.

----------------------------------------

Whether Kunigami was ready to be a father or not turned out to matter less than whether he was ready to broach the subject with his husband.

Over the following weeks, Chigiri fell into a depression that left him tired and crabby. They'd rode out several episodes like this before, and Kunigami knew from experience it was no time to ask Chigiri to think very deeply about anything. Kunigami turned his attention to making sure Chigiri ate a decent amount and drank water.

Unfortunately, a depressed Chigiri was not a chatty Chigiri, which meant Kunigami had space to spiral.

By the time he sat on the couch two weeks later, Chigiri's head on his lap, Kunigami had convinced himself that not only would his husband never want a baby, but that even suggesting a baby would be the end of their marriage.

"Okay, Hero, what's going on with you?" Chigiri asked, eyes still closed as he leaned into Kunigami's fingers scratching his scalp.

"What do you mean?"

"I'm laying right next to your stomach, babes, you've got a riot going on in there," Chigiri heaved himself up so he could look at his husband. "And usually when I'm in a funk you talk at me constantly and you've been quiet for days. What's bothering you?"

"It's nothing, just a work issue that's been stuck in my mind, nothing to worry about."

Chigiri narrowed his eyes. "A work issue? What's happening at work?"

"Argument with a player. They...are refusing to follow concussion protocol."

"Who?"

"You wouldn't know him."

"Ren, you're a medic for Manshine."

"Right."

"I play for Manshine. I know all of the players. Nobody's been out for a concussion lately."

"It just happened...in the weight room. Yesterday."

Chigiri scooted further away to better look at Kunigami's whole body.

"Why are you lying to me, Rensuke?"

Kunigami looked away. His cheeks were hot.

"If you don't tell me what's going on right now I'm going to lose my goddamned mind."

"You look really adorable and happy with your niece and I want to talk about kids with you! But you've always said you don't want them and I'm afraid you're going to get upset!"

Chigiri blinked at him.

"You want a baby?"

"...yes. I think so. Or I want to think about it? Maybe a kid, if we adopt?"

"Didn't we decide we weren't doing the kid thing?"

"Yes, that's the point of revisiting the subject."

Chigiri blinked and sat back onto the couch. Kunigami's ears were ringing and his heart was racing. He wondered, distantly, if he was having a stroke.

"I don't hate the idea as much as I used to," Chigiri said finally.

"What?"

"You're right, I've really enjoyed helping my sister with the baby. And I like watching you take care of people at work, you're really good at it. So...yeah. I don't hate the idea of having a kid as much as I used to."

"Is that a yes?"

Chigiri laughed, leaned in to kiss Kunigami's cheek. "It's a 'lets think about it.'"

______________________________________

Kunigami's alarm went off and he rolled over, intent on cuddling his husband for a bit before getting up. But the other side of the bed was empty, the blankets tucked tightly around his body.

Confused, he padded out to the kitchen only to be met with the adorable sight of Chigiri making breakfast while holding their baby girl on his hip, happily chatting with her as if she were responding.

"How long have you been up? I didn't even hear her cry," Kunigami said as he kissed them both.

"She didn't, I'm just on her schedule now."

Kunigami hummed and took the little girl so Chigiri could use both hands to cook. Kunigami's sister had been their surrogate, and she was Chigiri's clone with soft pink hair and eyes and features that looked angular even with her baby fat. Even so, Kunigami could see hints of his family in her expressions and height, far taller than average for her age.

She giggled and tugged at the loose ends of hair sticking out of Chigiri's bun. Kunigami grabbed her tiny hand, her fingers wrapped around his thumb. He grinned, kissed Chigiri again. He'd never been so happy.

#bllk chigiri #queer chigiri hyoma #chigiri hyoma #bllk #blue lock #bllk fic #fanfic #bllk kunigami #kunigiri #kunigami #kunigami rensuke #queer fluff #queer blue lock fluff #kunigiri fluff #kunigiri as parents #dad!chigiri #dad!kunigami

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bugflies00 · 11 months

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some days ill be going about my day and then ill think about how much and unfairly cwilbur was ostracized and i feel ill .

because yeah, he fucked up and he hurt people and he was an asshole sometimes. he’s a very flawed character whose bad habits & self image impact his actions and reasoning and it ends up hurting people cause he can be pretty self-centered. some characters were obviously justified in not trusting him and didn’t owe him forgiveness. but also oh my fucking god

like NO ONE got NEARLY as much shit for their mistakes as cwilbur did. barely anyone gave him a chance the moment he was revived, and they all treated him like some kind of ticking bomb or generally a threat when he was clearly trying to change. hell, even ctommy, while he was arguably the one who stuck closest to him and was most lenient with him, said some pretty fucked up shit. like so many people implied or acted in some way or another like it was better off for everyone when he was dead. people preferred his GHOST. because ghostbur was wilbur but wrong, meaning really in their eyes he was right because wilbur was wrong. that’s the message he was getting. like sorry but if i were him i would also feel a lot of fucking resentment towards that guy. and im saying that as someone whose favourite character was ghostbur for like my first two months. (wilbur and ghostbur being the same person is an integral belief of mine but its also a different post)

and even BEFORE. in pogtopia. yeah people tried to help him but. did they really? tommy tried his best but, at the end of the day, given the average mental health awareness on this server no one truly tried to give him the help he needed (although ctommy was 16 and it literally wasn’t his responsibility, again im talking more about other characters). can you imagine how alone he must’ve felt? seeing the project he built his life and self-worth on rot and corrupt? slowly feeling himself sink deeper into paranoia and depression? while everyone watched on and kept him at arm’s length because of the threat he represented to others, rather than himself?

everyone around him focused on the fact that he blew up l’manberg and ostracized him for it, when doomsday trio who objectively made extensively worse damage to the place received nowhere near that level of criticism. sure they had enemies and not everyone trusted them, but people were willing to talk to them. get close to them. they weren’t treated like the fucking scum of the earth and someone who should die because of mistakes that they tried so hard to amend and that they made when in the worst mental health spiral of their life to the point where they wanted to die.

so yeah cwilbur deserved better

#wilbur soot #c!wilbur #mcyt #alex.rambles.txt #tw suicide

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brokenmusicboxwolfe · 4 months

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Warning: Venting, moaning, and spoilers ahead. Enter at own risk.

You know, after watching 73 Yards I had a LOT that I wanted to write about. Stuff about the themes like abandonment, but also about science fiction vs fantasy, the need for answers vs the desire never to know, eerie atmosphere vs cool rationality, blah, blah, blah.

But I’m a week too late. That’s old news now, it’s Dot and Bubble time. And I don’t have the time and energy to say much except…

OMG! Did RTD always have such an unrelentingly bleak and cruel vision of human nature??? I mean, okay, we had a woman heroically staying to take care of babies in the goofy first ep, but we also had a world that would abandon a bunch of babies to die. And the last two episodes…

73 Yards depressed me in a way no Doctor Who ever has. I’ve seen every episode that still exists, seen the recons of the lost, listened to every Big Finish audio over it’s first 14 or so years, and read the “wilderness years” novels like popcorn. I mean, I have absorbed so damn many Doctor Who stories in every medium that I wouldn’t know how to count them. Some were dark. Some were depressing. Some were miserable in every way.

But this….

73 Yards made me wonder if there was no damn point in me keeping on living.

Ruby’s plight resonated far too deeply.

Alone and upset she makes the mistake of stepping of going into pub where the locals, in a display of cruelty **that reminded me why I never go into small local places, deliberately scared and then mocked her. Then her life gets soooo much worse as everyone she loves and everyone she turns to for help ends up turning on her. She isn’t merely abandoned, she is treated with complete disgust and with not even a hint of compassion to soften it. She is haunted by the “ghost” of herself, an embodiment of both a mistake of her past and her future death. This “ghost” becomes her only companion as her life speeds on to the always lonely grave. Every birthday is her all alone, no friends, no family, just her and her always distant “ghost” self. And then she grows old and “dies”. Always alone…

99% of my time is alone. I have no friends to turn to. Every friend I ever got close to ended up leaving me. Heck, even online friends always just go away without a trace. I’m in a rural area where the community I’ve lived my entire life had never made me feel included. Back in school once a year I’d get shunned for not being a Christian as they rediscovered it, and the rest of the time there was mere bullying, mocked and belittled, for all the other things that marked me as an outcast. My family were outcasts too, for that matter. My family, where Mom is the only one left who loves me, just a frail voice on a phone I can no longer reach out to. My brother has openly wished me dead and doesn’t want me setting foot in his home, telling me constantly how worthless and disgusting he finds me. Everyone else I’ve loved is dead or gone away. Every birthday is alone, and I’m increasingly aware I’m spiraling to my own death…

No one. Never anyone. Never able to make new friends. Doomed to isolation unto death. No friends. No family. No help. Just me and…..me.

Yeah, it got to me. Ruby gets a moment of using her pain for good, and the reward of a do over. But that’s fiction. My “ghost” self offers no chance to do good, and when I die I will simply rot away (or burn, if whoever gets stuck with disposal duty decides to cremate me. They’d probably just flush me down toilet if I would fit! LOL)

And I thought, ok, maybe that’s just me. Maybe most people won’t feel borderline suicidal as escapist entertainment rubs salt in very open wounds.

But then I thought about the harsh cruelty of the world in the story, the complete lack of warmth and hope. Hell, our heroine stands by and lets a young woman get (strongly suggested) abused by a man she KNOWS is a baddie simply because she needs to prove that that baddie is bad enough to deserve what she is about to do. So even Ruby is a terrible person deep down, tainted by a world devoid of love to the point of treating people as test subjects.

Okay, this is bleak stuff. Great episode, even if I am ambivalent about that all fantasy/no explanations take on Doctor Who.( It also joins things like Grave of the Fireflies on my “Great but NEVER watch again!” list. ) But it’s surely won’t be so dark next time.

Oh dear.

So in Dot and Bubble we get a world of the young and privileged living in their social media bubbles (oh, very subtle), completely unable to function in the real world to the point of being unable to walk.

Okay, that’s not bleak. A bit cynical and harsh, kicking an easy target, but dark comedy material. And the obnoxious gal we are following will surely come to her senses, learn to connect with people, will be grateful for help, and…

Oh. OH!

This is THAT kind of story. Where we are reminded that people are essentially selfish and shallow, where they do things against their own best interests out of things like snobbishness, and the one decent human being we meet is doomed to death by betrayal.

Okay, now the question is, which do I find bleaker. The “you are doomed to always be isolated” episode or the “most people don’t even deserve help” episode.

People complained about the ending of Boom being sappy, but TBH it was kinda a relief for Moffat to pop in and say “Ok, look, love will give you at least a pseudo happy ending now and then. Now don’t go slitting your wrists at the utter nastiness out there…”

And the RTD whispers “I’m not saying slit your wrists, I’m just saying that if you do no one will care. The hysterical laughter at snot monsters and musical diva gods is just the universe having a nervous breakdown in the dark, but that’s fun, isn’t it?”

I’m not saying I think these episodes are awful! Just to be clear, I’ve enjoyed stuff about all of them! I haven’t hated any of them (No, not even Space Babies with their poor little freaked out faces and ill fitting CG mouths creeping me out) And if you don’t feel depressed after these recent episodes I’m very glad. Really. I just wish I had YOUR brain!

It’s funny, after an era where I complained (quietly) about poor writing I am now complaining (loudly) about the horrible mood the better writing is putting me in!

Yes, I will keep watching, trying to hold onto whatever light I can in the darkness. But I can’t say I’m looking forward to being miserable every time. I’m not sure I’m actually having fun. My life sucks enough lately, and Doctor Who making me feel worse is something I NEVER expected to have to deal with.

**Note to self: be glad you can NEVER go to Wales! Yeah, my grandma had a penpal from Wales. It was a lovely old lady she met while they both rested on a bench in the Smithsonian Natural History Museum. I met her and she was quite nice, even as little me withered in shame hearing grandma, in her lifelong childlike innocence, tell an embarrassing detail about me. I rationally know people from Wales are just people. But after that pub scene…

#rambles #doctor who #73 yards #dot and bubble

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shrimper · 6 months

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PLS TALK ABOUT DUNMESHI GHOST TRICK AU!!!

YAAAY WELL!! IF YOU INSIST!!

so briefly to discuss the main roles. chilchuck is yomiel, izutsumi is sissel, laois is lynne, falin is the equivalent of kamilla and marcille takes on the role of missile ! (thus, marcille is also ray, && i’ll elaborate on this later)

the plot is similar to ghost trick!! (…kinda) (not really)

brief plot overview!! it happens in a similar enough universe to ghost trick, but the races from dungeon meshi pass over . i don’t think there will be a dungeon but don’t quote me on that one

but Anyway um. yeah chilchuck got divorced by his wife and it was BAD his wife took the house took the kids he was SO fucked. he dropped out of his job (which was…ummm. engineering maybe, if not rogue ?) and entered a spiral of depression > drink to feel better > hangover > depression. he was quickly gaining an addiction . LUCKILY FOR HIM he had a bit more sense than his dunmeshi counterpart — enough to recognise that his reliance on alcohol was a Bad Thing — so, in order to Recover (or at least replace it with something) he adopted a cat ‼️ he named her izutsumi and they became best friends, especially since it was likely chilchuck wasn’t going to live much longer after she died (half foot lifespans)

a few months into this he was falsely accused of armed robbery . he already had a pretty bad reputation around the area for being somewhat of a lousy guy, so he was taken into questioning and then. yeah whatever happened with yomiel 👍 temsik meteor, holding lynne (or in this case laios) hostage, etc etc

you know how this goes . chilchuck got revenge on the officers who cornered him && now senshi is in prsion . yeag . he (senshi) had two wards under his care, who were laios and falin. they all also shared an apartment with falins VERY close friend marcille who was very intelligent but not wise at all !

the first loop happens, and marcille got stuck there but sticks with it in the hopes of saving falin (…why? what happened to falin. can anyone hear me the number of plot holes in my own au are astounding). she eventually took the form of a log with a small sprout at the end of it (a reference to her staff) . she calls herself ‘bud’ !

you know the rest. izutsumi wakes up, sees chilchucks body & assumes it is hers and continues on without knowing how to read. etc etc .

“what about the characters you haven’t mentioned?” i’m working on it 😭!! i’m thinking senshi is jowd, Maybe (if not obvious by the story overview). kiki is inspector cabanela, maybe, and namari and kaka are her Right Hand Detectives(TM) with varying amounts of respect for her (playful sibling rivalry vs. kikimari perhaps?), but that does leave the issue of ‘why does senshi know kiki???? hwhuh’. shirou is the justice minister, maybe??? inutade is also here in the form of a dobermann i think. somewhere . inutade izutsumi best friends every universe

#gt/dm #shrimper chatter #it’s not fully fleshed out yet so if you have ideas i’d be more than happy to hear them 👀#i’m unsure whether to lean into the gt-ness or dm-ness but ah i will manage !!!#also in this one izutsumi is Full Cat #—ish #AND there are so many plot holes slams my fists into the ground. is it clear i haven’t thought this through #my original plan was to make senshi have been falsely accused of murder. and he confessed and was slapped in prison #and chilchuck would have did what Yomiel Did for revenge / as a form of protest. and shit. bcoz he knew senshi was innocent #but that fell flat for one reason and one reason only: WHO IS SENSHI MEANT TOKILL????#that dwarf guy he foiught with?!?!?! IDK #still i do think my previous idea is better because it makes chilchuck seem much more sympathetic…idk idk #anyway as for falin… she’s kidnapped by whoever beauty & dandy are right? something happens maybe . hmm #maybe she was killed by the rock the first time ?#ghost trick spoilers #loveandfrogman

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inbarfink · 1 year

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I recently watched the episode "Memory of a Memory" and I thought about how easy it is to go into your own or someone else's mind to erase memories. Why didn't Simon try to erase the terrible memories of the Ice King, leaving only those where he has fun with Finn, Jake and others? Imagine if he decided to do that and ended up in Fionna's world

I mean...... okay, so I'm giving you the benefit of the doubt, Anon, and assuming you do know why trying to deal with your trauma by Literally Deleting Your Memories would be a Very Bad Thing and a Terrible Idea. And we're just talking about it as something Simon "Horrible Self-Destructive Coping Mechanisms" Petrikov will think of.

There are Several Issues involved.

It's not actually THAT easy to go into someone's memories. Finn and Jake only managed to do that via a Magic Powder they got from a Wizard. Simon isn't Magic himself anymore, so he's going to find an actual Wizard who ALSO doesn't see that it's a horrible horrible idea and would be willing to make/buy it in the Magic Shop for him (I'm guessing buy that sort of stuff in Wizard City).

Even we ignore the Obvious Problems with the plan, I don't think memory erasing would actually fix most of Simon's problems. His current Depressive Spiral is not just about how horrible the experience of being Ice King was for him - it's part of it, but it's not all of it. Simon also has problems with A. Losing Betty, and that pain is going to sting even if he forgot the exact details of why he lost Betty. B. Being stuck in a Freaky Magical World where he feels like a total outsider. And here, quite honestly, trying to delete Ice King memories of living in Ooo for a thousand years... that'll just make it WORSE.

Also, even if he doesn't consciously remembers being Ice King, like...... everyone else still does. Everyone in Wizard City already saw Simon turn into Ice King back in 'Betty', people know they're the same person, that ship has sailed. So Simon would still be aware of his horrible past because eventually someone will mention it, and it's still going to cause him grief and shame even if he can't remember it. Maybe even more because it's like 'oh what did I do that was so horrible I literally deleted it from my mind?'

#adventure time #atimers #fionna and cake #fionna & cake #at #fac #F&C #adventure time fionna and cake #adventure time simon #fionna and cake simon #fionna and cake series #fionna and cake show #simon petrikov #simon adventure time #ice king #the ice king

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stelliarsheep · 2 years

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みんな… おやすみなさい🖤 This is a few days late, but happy second anniversary OMORI! I posted this on Twitter and of course can’t write much, so I'll do the honors here.

TW for talk of mental health, hospitals and self harm. Please move from this post if you are uncomfortable with such topics, for your own sake. Thank you❤

I discovered OMORI in 2014. I saw that little trailer in my recommended as a kid and watched it. I got super inspired by it, but never did much else. 2018 rolled by and I found out about the Kickstarter. I couldn't back it up because y’know, I'm a broke teenager, but I still tried to follow its development until I just lost interest. It's now early 2021. My friends are talking about OMORI and begging me to play or watch it. I eventually caved in and didn't expect anything special. Boy was I wrong. I came into the game completely blind, and experienced everything raw. - The first ending I got was the 'true ending', where Sunny and Basil accept their actions and trauma. I cried so much near the end, especially during the Final Duet (but I'm sure that got most people). I had expected a cheesy rpgmaker horror game but instead I got an experience I will never forget. It's themes stuck with me. I hadn't played a game like it before. A game that accurately represents mental illness, trauma and anxiety. I have been suffering from depression basically since the fourth grade. A lot of bad things happened in my life and I was becoming aware of it. I started to feel down and hopeless, often resorting to sleeping all day, drawing and slipping into my own imagination and disassociating. - I soon realized that this wasn't working, and only felt worse. I'd say around fifth grade was when I started to hurt myself. And I couldn't stop. I slowly fell deeper into my depression as I eventually came to terms with the fact I was a transgender person. The first time I tried ending my life was only a few years ago. That led me to be forced to out myself to my family, which thankfully went well and they pledged to help me transition, which they still do to this day. - Despite being able to transition, I still felt like things were missing. I still felt depressed. I realized that I was suppressing my trauma from years prior to the point of forgetting it. And once I was reminded of it, I spiraled further. That leads to early 2022. I was close to ending my life. I was very close to death. But it failed. I gave up and decided to reach out for help. The day after reaching out I was admitted to a psychiatric hospital. I would go to two hospitals in the span of almost six months. Those months were some of the worst of my life. But somehow I grew as a person. And as time went on, I improved despite the challenges I faced while inpatient. My head became clearer. Because not only was I taking medication and therapy, but I thought of Sunny. - Yes it's kind of silly that I was inspired by a fictional character but Sunny's recovery and journey through his mental health and trauma pushed me to keep going. And ironically, I eventually met someone there named Sunny who also liked OMORI. We became really close and I think about them often. They were the only person from that horrible hospital that had a positive effect on me. In August of 2022, I was finally released. Shortly after my discharge my family moved across the country at short notice. I once again became depressed, having to leave my old friends and life behind, but I realized by moving, I can start anew. And that's what I've been doing ever since. I'm the happiest I've ever been and I'm about to turn eighteen in a week as of writing this. I never thought I would live to adulthood. - As cheesy as it is, if I never found OMORI I probably wouldn't be here. I wouldn't have been encouraged to get help sooner. I would most likely already have killed myself or ended up in the hospital for hurting myself. As harsh as that is, it is sort of true. This seemingly silly game about a boy dreaming up adventures with his friends has changed my life completely. I'm grateful for the OMOCAT team for working on this game and putting so much love into it. And I love a majority of the community as well. I have met so many kind and creative people through Discord and Twitter. Why am I opening about this on the internet then? I want to show that things do get better. No matter how old you are, no matter how bad things are either. - I used to think I would never make it anywhere but here I am, I have amazing friends, I'm working on passion projects with others and I draw all the time and enjoy it. My drive has improved because of this game. I don't know what I would have done without it. This game means so much to me and so many other people. I can't believe its been two years since it released already. I'm hoping to continue to love it for more years to come. Thanks so much to OMORI and the fandom that loves it so much.

#omori #omori game #omori fanart #omori fandom #omori sunny #omori mari #omori aubrey #omori hero #omori kel #omori second anniversary #mental health #personal vent #vent post #vent tag #artists on tumblr #digital art #art #fanart

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cookinguptales · 1 year

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monimolimnion said: you are the only person on this site that understands me. can I PLEASE suggest nandor hanged man?

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OKAY SO LIKE I definitely see where you’re coming from with this! Nandor definitely has issues with stagnation, hesitation, and an inability to move forward.

That said. Counterargument. Jackie Daytona Hanged Man and Hermit Nandor. Bear with me. Let me explain my logic.

The Hanged Man is a card that can represent Nandor but I don’t think describes something intrinsic about him. Nandor can actually move past things, if given proper incentive. He just has a bad habit of spiraling.

Jackie Daytona, though. I saw someone present this idea like… a year ago. And I honestly do not remember who it was but I’m indebted to them because it’s a great idea. Jackie Daytona is intrinsically a Hanged Man. Sure, we have the imagery of what might be a convict at the gallows, but it’s more than just that. The Hanged Man is a card that can be about being stuck, but it’s also a card about taking pause and looking at things from new perspectives.

Jackie Daytona is a character that purely exists as escape. As a pause. A suspension. A chance to sort through new ideas and come to new conclusions. He only exists as The Hanged Man. He has only ever been a two-week pause in Laszlo's grand, perverted journey, and he was a well-needed break. Like he said, he was a whole different person.

And that person is The Hanged Man. Liminal, stuck, between two worlds. A pause, a suspension, a campout at the fork in the road. He's not quite human and not quite vampire and that gives Laszlo the freedom to reinvent himself -- but only briefly. Jackie Daytona can only exist until a decision is made, and isn't that really the point of The Hanged Man? That you are trapped hanging between worlds until you're able to move past what's trapped you?

For Laszlo, that was his tendency to run away from his problems, and his hanged man is one that is constantly scrabbling at the rope. Love that for him. Love Jackie Daytona.

As for Nandor... Look, I know it sounds counterintuitive to suggest The Hermit. Nandor, more than perhaps any other character, is desperate for interpersonal connection.

But The Hermit is about more than just physically withdrawing (something that I'd argue we often see him do) -- it's about a sense of internal solitude, a quest for answers you just can't quite seem to reach. Nandor has always longed for connections, but seems to be unable on a fundamental level to create them. He makes up these fictional versions of relationships in his head, then gets depressed when they don't line up with his real life. That means he's running after people who don't actually love him (like Gail), and ignoring the people who actually do (like Guillermo). That means he's thrown into a spiral when the person he's decided is his best friend doesn't feel the same way back. (...despite him clearly actually thinking of Guillermo as his best........ man, rather than Laszlo.)

It means that Nandor is always very, very alone because he has this odd internal gulf between himself and others. He's terrified of true meaningful connection even as he craves it, which is why he can't seem to put his relationship with Guillermo into words while easily spouting flowery bullshit at the wife he can't stand. He's most comfortable with concocted intimacy; he doesn't really know what to do with the real thing. He hates those feelings of vulnerability and exposure, so he withdraws emotionally.

And even all that aside, he is so in his own head. The Hermit is a card about spending time with your own thoughts, and jesus christ is that a bad thing for him. He is constantly mired in his own thoughts and fantasies and philosophizing and existential angst. He's on this quest for meaning, and while he makes overtures towards looking for that meaning externally (through dating, traveling, etc.) he never really follows through, does he? He always ends up back on that couch alone and in his own head and miserable.

The truth is that I believe Nandor will only ever find his purpose through relationships with others, and that's why he's having such a hard time now. He's not allowing himself those genuine human (so to speak) connections, so he's really struggling to find his way. Like -- fuck, the man couldn't even form a meaningful connection with his own ghost, and that's a metaphor right there.

Nandor is, much to his detriment, The Hermit. And while he might be pulled kicking and screaming into relationships with his housemates eventually, I do think that inability to connect with others because he's so lost in his own thoughts is something that's always been with him (as evidenced by his poor familial relations even in life) and is probably something intrinsic to his personality. He loves other people and really longs to reach out and touch them.

But alas. He pulls that cloak too tightly around himself for anyone to get too close.

good thing Guillermo has experience undressing him

#wwdits #replies #I'm thinking about this too much lmao

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atopearth · 5 months

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White Album 2 Part 8 - Coda (Normal End & Kazusa Normal End)

Coda Normal End

You can't tell me to not cheer for Kazusa when the reason she was running in the snow barefoot in France was because she saw Haruki and tried her best to chase after him. She's willing to give up her life for him, she loves him so much, how could I ever want Kazusa to back off? Kazusa agreeing to go all the way back to Japan just because Haruki said he wanted to hear her piano is so sweet yet saddening to think about. She's been at a standstill for 5 years, unable to move forward emotionally, and unlike Setsuna and them, she didn't have any friends beside her except the piano. I honestly don't blame Setsuna for being hurt about Haruki lying and not telling her about his meeting with Kazusa for the interview. I don't know how he thought he could hide that. I know it's difficult for Setsuna to ask whether Haruki is lying/hiding about something but I guess what irks me the most about Setsuna isn't that her main concern doesn't seem to be that she's scared of her question ruining this relationship but instead she's scared of her "true self" leaking out. As partners in a relationship, it always irks me that Setsuna always feels like she needs to be perfect and never really reveals herself properly so I feel like we're stuck only having the cute and positive side of her "at the end" when she's so much more than that.

Anyway, I can't blame Haruki for desiring Kazusa because they are both so obviously obsessed with each other, I feel like it's impossible for them to not be drawn to each other. It doesn't help that Haruki uses Setsuna as a sexual outlet sometimes so he can avoid the guilt of his feelings towards Kazusa. The normal ending for Coda is pretty saddening. I feel bad for Kazusa. She came all the way back to Japan for Haruki but things ended up like that and her reputation in her home country got hit badly, it's terrible. As for Setsuna and Haruki's relationship, I guess it's the same as before but with Haruki much more resolute in his understanding that he will love Kazusa the most forever even if the one he'll stay beside and give his love to will be Setsuna. To be fair, that's not an uncommon thing to happen in the real world and I guess it's fine if Setsuna is fine with it, which she is, and Haruki does love her after all and has decided to be with her so I think the fact that he chose her in the end is something to be happy about because he's not indecisive anymore.

Kazusa Normal End

Haruki really likes to drive himself into a corner doesn't he? He guilt tripped himself into proposing to Setsuna but prioritises Kazusa too much, and now he's begun to be unable to live without Kazusa. The more he betrays Setsuna, the more he can't face anyone in society aside from Kazusa and the further he digs himself into this self-made hole of his. It's honestly depressing to watch. I feel so bad for Kazusa that she had to be the one to break it off with Haruki despite her being the one that wants to be with him the most. Haruki is just spiralling downwards in this hole, unable to get out, unwilling to get out, and if Kazusa doesn't let go, he'd basically destroy everything in his life to continue this toxic relationship with Kazusa where he numbs himself from everything and forces himself to not think about anything through sex. It's sad that it had to come to this but I'm glad that Kazusa recognised how detrimental this all was to Haruki's wellbeing as a person and said she wanted him to be happy and that's why she's letting go, since the only one who would be happy from all this was her. I think the worse is that Kazusa loves him so much, but having to admit that Haruki will only be in pain if he stays with her is just terrible. I can't imagine having to part with the one I love because my existence makes their life difficult and toxic and that I'm destroying their life.

Why is this considered a Kazusa ending when Haruki doesn't even end up with her?! Not gonna lie, I think it's a great Setsuna ending but not a Kazusa ending. It's just depressing for Kazusa. Yeah, she gets the fame and conviction to leave Haruki but other than that, her life truly is nothing but piano and her mother. Setsuna's forgiveness knows no bounds and sometimes I wonder if it's humanely possible to be that strong and forgiving but also love someone so much that you can forgive all these things about them. I mean it's a great quality to have, for Setsuna to bounce back after one week and even acknowledge that she will never be the only one he loves and will never be the one he loves the most but still be okay with it. But I'm not sure how long something like that can truly last since if Kazusa appears again or they meet coincidentally overseas, will everything just go downwards again? However, I do feel like this ending in a sense is quite 'realistic' because I do feel like Haruki will always inevitably choose Kazusa.

Overall, these endings were just more painful endings for Setsuna in that she's forced to face she'll never be Haruki's number one. Maybe she already knows that, but for these endings, it's shoved in her face and she can't avoid it. I think Kazusa's normal end was disappointing in that it felt just like, was it Chiaki's route in Closing Chapter where all they did was just have sex and be dead to the world until the girl snapped out of it and told Haruki that this can't go on anymore. However, I do admit that this time around, it was especially painful because it was Kazusa. She loves him to a debilitating extent, so her giving up on him to allow him to function again as a normal human being and acknowledging that her existence beside him will only bring him down unlike Setsuna's which will raise him up just hurts, I hated watching it and I felt terrible for her. I'm looking forward to her true end now because can we just give Kazusa her happiness now?

#white album 2

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