#and then i just gotta work on all the mental health shit lmao

[boyslugs]

trying so hard to be ok lately but everything is a lot and all my normal coping skills are either not feasible rn due to stuff in my life, or in boxes because i'm moving :))) just gotta make it til april... just gotta make it through the move and then i have a week to unpack both physically and emotionally... and then i can look into therapy too cause my benefits kick in... i can do this...

[spring-lxcked]

ate breakfast wrote and queued two replies (standing ovation) and then immediately fell asleep in the most uncomfortable inhuman position on the couch and now i'm back and shockingly well-rested.

[sensitivegoblin]

Vent

[orcelito]

also yes, even while im actively trying to get myself to work on writing my goddamned program, my brain still wants to work on my fic

[ameribell]

Could we please get general relationship headcanons for Erza, Juvia, and Mirajane? Thank you!

Dating Headcanons

Erza x reader

Juvia x reader

Mirajane x reader

Notes: Of course! Gotta give my girlies some love too obviously 💙Summary: As the title implies, dating headcanons

Warnings: Mental health, minor arguments, but mainly fluff

Erza

She definitely gets flustered easily, but she’s really good at playing it off

She’s not good at showing her love romantically, but she learns to overtime

Babe is touched starved, and adores when you’re comfortable enough to lay on her

Now, her biggest form of love is quality time

As long as you’re around she feels content, just don’t get hurt or into too much trouble

If you go on quests with her you bet her guard is up, even if you’re stronger than her

If you stay home, she’ll be so eager to get back that the quest will be finished so fast, you won’t even have time to miss her

Example here

There can be ups and downs in any relationship, and with her they tend to be very rare

When you guys do argue it’s always over health, mental and physical, if you both

Which means it’s rather easy to resolve, just promise to work together on it

Speaking of mental health, she’s a firm believer in cuddling for serotonin 🥱

She’s a major cuddle bug so prepare lmao

Juvia

Obsessed with you, I’m talking, everyone shes talked to is tiiiired of hearing about you 💙

She loves any form of love, if it’s coming from you, but any words of affirmation and she’ll combust

Any gifts you give her you know she’ll treasure, and best believe she’ll keep them forever

She’s the type to have every bit of your future planned out.

Wedding? Check.

Kids?? Check.

Where you’ll be buried??? Double check.

Example here

She’ll memorize everything about you, but if you do the same she’ll curl up and cry

Babes is such a sweetheart, she adores learning things you enjoy (cooking styles, hobbies, even the lives of celebrities you’re into) but if you teach her she’ll love it more

Now, while most of your relationship is good, there are occasional arguments

Typically over how she represses herself so you can shine…

To help her out of that you must make sure she knows you’ll adore her no matter what she hides about herself

She’s the first to say ‘I love you’ and if you don’t reciprocate she’ll be closed off for sometime, watching from a distance

Mirajane

She’ll tease the ever living shit out of you

If you fluster easily, then it’s a major win for her

If you don’t, she’ll make you, eventually…

Her love language is quality time and words of affirmation

She loves physical touch, but on occasion it can be overwhelming, especially because that’s all people tend to want from her

On the other hand, she craves it from you, if you don’t let her know how much you love her and her body she’ll get insecure (yk, the validation is a different thing from those you love)

Example here

Arguments, they happen, but she’s a big person of communication and listening, so as long as you talk things through and hear one another out, you’ll be a-okay! 😊 Right…?

Now, she loves taking pics with you

She’s in the middle of a photo shoot? Jump in!

You know she’ll talk about you two to anyone she can in the form of advice

“My partner just…they don’t understand the pressure I’m under…” “Have you tried to sit and talk with them?” “Yes, but they just won’t listen.” “Have you tried listening to their problems too? Conversation isn’t a one way street you know!”

She’s just very proud of being with you

Request rules

Ways to follow and new content

[turquoizxe]

𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐪𝐮𝐨𝐢𝐳𝐱𝐞'𝐬 𝐦𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭

*𝙩𝙪𝙧𝙦𝙪𝙤𝙞𝙯𝙭𝙚 | ― 𝙪𝙣𝙞 𝙨𝙩𝙪𝙙𝙚𝙣𝙩 | 19 | 𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙮/𝙨𝙝𝙚 𝙥𝙧𝙤𝙣𝙤𝙪𝙣𝙨 | 𝙗𝙡𝙖𝙘𝙠 𝙖𝙨𝙛 | 𝙦𝙪𝙚𝙚𝙧 |

― 𝙄 𝙢𝙖𝙠𝙚 𝙛𝙖𝙣𝙛𝙞𝙘𝙩𝙞𝙤𝙣𝙨 𝙛𝙤𝙧 𝙥𝙤𝙘 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙗𝙡𝙖𝙘𝙠 𝙖𝙪𝙙𝙞𝙚𝙣𝙘𝙚𝙨

― 𝙙𝙞𝙨𝙧𝙚𝙨𝙥𝙚𝙘𝙩, 𝙞𝙨𝙢𝙨, 𝙤𝙧 𝙥𝙝𝙤𝙗𝙞𝙖𝙨 𝙖𝙧𝙚 𝙣𝙤𝙩 𝙩𝙤𝙡𝙚𝙧𝙖𝙩𝙚𝙙, 𝙙𝙤𝙣'𝙩 𝙙𝙤 𝙩𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙨𝙝𝙞𝙩 𝙤𝙣 𝙢𝙮 𝙥𝙖𝙜𝙚 |

― 𝙄 𝙢𝙖𝙠𝙚 𝙛𝙞𝙘𝙨 𝙛𝙤𝙧 𝙢𝙤𝙧𝙚 𝙢𝙖𝙩𝙪𝙧𝙚 𝙖𝙪𝙙𝙞𝙚𝙣𝙘𝙚𝙨 𝙨𝙤 [17+] 𝙥𝙡𝙚𝙖𝙨𝙚, 𝙞𝙛 𝙮𝙤𝙪'𝙧𝙚 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙣𝙜𝙚𝙧 𝙩𝙝𝙖𝙣 𝙩𝙝𝙖𝙩, 𝙙𝙣𝙞 |

― 𝙡𝙤𝙫𝙚 𝙬𝙧𝙞𝙩𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙛𝙧.

Fandoms I Write For

Spider-Man: Spiderverse Trilogy

They Cloned Tyrone

Call of Duty

Blue Eye Samurai

Jujutsu Kaisen

Mortal Kombat

Tekken

Street Fighter

Chainsaw Man

Bridgerton

The Boys

Fallout

*this list will be updated indefinitely

𝙆𝙚𝙮 𝙉𝙤𝙩𝙚𝙨

[Brackets will be used to categorize the symbols based on the fandom and type of work]

Tilde (~) = Mature Audiences (17+)

Asterisk (*) = Adult Audiences (18+)

Percent (%) = In Progress

Period (.) = Finished

Semi-colon (;) = Series

Colon (:) = Drabble

Question Mark (?) = To Be Released

𝙎𝙥𝙞𝙙𝙚𝙧𝙢𝙖𝙣: 𝘼𝙘𝙧𝙤𝙨𝙨 𝙏𝙝𝙚 𝙎𝙥𝙞𝙙𝙚𝙧𝙫𝙚𝙧𝙨𝙚

[~*;%] Hobie Brown: Just For You ― Self-Insert Series [Masterlist Included]

Synopsis ― You’re a college student who has been patrolling your city for the last year. The surge in responsibilities have your grades and mental state suffering, and tuition is expensive, your parents are paying for the rest of what the scholarships don’t cover. Life just seems to be in a constant loop of a mess, why not add a friend into that? Hobie Brown had performed on campus for a festival, and you’d see him more often than not afterwards after getting to actually meet him. He has such a different vibe to him, you’re almost sure that he’s not from here. Bad news, he’s not. 

Disclaimer ― ATSV SPOILERS, 3 parts for mature audiences (17+), 2 *additional parts for adults (18+)

Content ― Fem!reader, slow burn, eventual smut, angst, fluff, introduction to existing atsv characters, use of foul language, suggestive themes, violence, generally sensitive topics(relationships, mental health, near-death experience, etc.)

[*:] Hobie Brown: Versatility

content ― Drabble: Hobie Brown x Black!Fem!Reader, sweet, and straight to the point, black hair appreciation with a lot of fuckin’, pain kink if you squint

𝙏𝙝𝙚𝙮 𝘾𝙡𝙤𝙣𝙚𝙙 𝙏𝙮𝙧𝙤𝙣𝙚

[*;%] Fontaine: 4 Page Letter ― Self-Insert

Installation (1/2): 'Bashful'

Installation (1.5/2): 'The Shit We Do'

[?] Installation (2/2): 'Bold'

➝ You'd known Fontaine for years— attracted to him even, but you two lived completely different lives, and as much as you wanted to be his, you didn't like his lifestyle. You two had a history together, but he didn't want it to end that way― determined to change your mind.

Content ― Black!Introverted!Fem!Reader, lengthy ass intro, use of aave, use of the n-word, plot with porn fr(minors dni), this is just pure filth that’s all you gotta know lmao

Disclaimer ― violence, arguing, sexuality, mentions of drugs, and other adult themes.

It's not much, but enjoy reading! lol <3

[katzirra]

Man July going to be a fixing period of my life.

New shift starts Monday, so I'm gonna be 7:30a to 3:30p now. Which means seeing my girlfriend, friends and family more!!!

That shift means I'm gonna have dedicated alone time, which I can use for keeping me accountable for art like I used to!!

It also means dedicated time for video games, shows and movies with Becca like we used to do when I was still at Michael's!!

Also means a better sleep schedule, because I excel on 6-7 hours of sleep so going to bed at 12/1 is gonna be perfect for me ;; it's my natural sleepy time.

Job extension also means once I get to September I should have most of my smaller debt paid off, and I can get us a new bed!!!

IT ALSO MEANS LEGIT SAVING FOR THE PC IS HAPPENING AND SAVINGS!!!!!

Natalie has invited me to DnD when my schedule works out, and I'm debating using Dahlia or a new character, but I love her build.... I might let them get to level 5, and see if the DM will approve her with all her bells and whistles.

I'm excited to actually see my dad more, hopefully, and my sister and her kids because we had a long talk when I got back in town. Good shit.

I'm starting a new medication track today. So we'll see how that works out. My doctor is seeing that my levels are still kinda too close for my comfort on my A1C, and my weight is uh, not budging like she hoped so we're trying Ozempic. Which, I'm hoping helps bring those levels down to normal. The weight loss will be nice, but I'm more concerned in the long run with that diabetes avoidance, yo...

Also going to get a pelvic ultrasound I guess because UH .. periods aren't happening and we can't pinpoint WHY....???

My fucking shit is a mess, just saying lmao everything is FUCKED.

Trying to be positive and I'm really excited for this shit right now... The job stuff is supposedly a new year contract, with possibly an extension, and I'm gonna be hawk eyeing the usajobs shit this time. FOOL ME ONCE -

But I'm very excited for that work life balance renewal.... I may have hated Michael's sometimes... a lot in the end... but the hours were really good for me and I worked well around it.

I gotta go make lunch and take a nap before work so I'm not yawning all day unu but....ya'girl is trying. I'm trying so hard to get the mental and physical health back to a good place....

[zeltqz]

do you think being made fun of for being to skinny is the same as being made fun of for being to fat?

im constantly teased about how skinny i am and how id be prettier if i gained weight bc then i would “thicker” idk am i being dramatic ab it. bc i mentioned how i felt to one of my friends whos a little chubby and she got upset with me about it.

its not the same, fat shaming holds more overall harm but skinnyshaming is still harmful.

i can speak from experience because i was born underweight and im black so my family were constantly telling me to gain weight, calling me stick and bones and other insults that hurt me when i was like 14 lmao, constantly told me i need more muscles on my bones.

being skinny shamed was harmful to my mental health growing up and its sad that people think that just because someone is skinny means theyre happy. it all depends on beauty standards in your culture

in korea, you cannot be chubby over there, its harmful and you will be shamed. you need to be skinny. in many black cultures, its bad to be underweight and skinny, you gotta be 'thick' ive heard that shit so many times. im no longer underweight either im average cuz i worked with my body issues and im happy now but the bullying and constant harrassment from my family still affects me to this day. skinny shaming is real and i understand you 100000000%

those who love to compare skinny and fat shaming are the same ones to comapre peoples trauma and make it a competition. its not a competition. fat shaming can be more harmful because its the norm to be skinny, people have made it the average beauty standard and i get that and im not saying its the same as skinny shaming so no one can try and twist and manipulate my words.

both are harmful all the way because at the end of the day because regardless it will give you body issues and fuck with your mental whether youre fat or skinny.

it doesnt mean you should fat shame someone or skinny shame someone either. bodies are bodies, everyones body is different and no one should be shamed for their body simple

and im sorry youre going through that, youre allowed to feel that way and no one is allowed to tell you that being skinny shamed isnt real or as harmful because thats just putting your own experiences and feelings down in the drain

[marshmallowprotection]

Hi Kait.

It’s been a little while. I hope you’re doing well. <3

I’m always rooting for your success and happiness lol.

I feel bad and sheepish because I never wanna be that person who only ever pops by to like,,, dump a vent when I’m struggling.

I wish I had more fun or creative stuff I could share with you more often.

I think about trying to make you a gift of some sort a lot but I always chicken out. 😔

But tbh I think the reason I feel inclined to come here when I’m feeling bad is because when I am struggling,, that’s when I turn to thoughts of Saeyoung as a source of comfort. And your blog is the best outlet I’ve found to be able to express those feelings haha.

At any rate…

I wonder if you can relate to this experience…?

When I was really sick, my mental health issues actually kinda felt better…?

It’s not like they actually went away or anything.

It’s just that,,, I literally didn’t have the mental capacity to fixate on those things like I normally would. I was deadass too exhausted to indulge my anxious or depressed thoughts and let myself spiral lmao

But now that I’m slowly staring to feel better physically, those old patterns and thoughts and feelings have been creeping back in little by little too :))

(Super unfair if you ask me 🙄 bc I *am* still sick and in pain. Just slightly less so. And now I gotta deal with the mental illness on top of it all? Now my bones hurt AND my tummy hurts AND my silly little pathetic heart hurts. Homophobia at its finest, truly.)

And like… I’m trying really hard to claw my way out of this cute little pit of self-loathing I’ve found myself in.

Especially since I know now, better than ever, that it’s completely pointless…

The world’s gonna keep turning whether I hate myself or not. It’s just a matter of whether or not I’m choosing to make myself miserable in the process.

But,,, you know. It’s never that simple.

And. It’s kinda the “trying hard” that’s been making it hurt tbh.

I can’t stop thinking about the ~injustice~ of how hard Ive tried my whole life to build a future for myself where I could finally feel ~stable and happy and loved~ like I’ve been craving my whole life or whatever. But the universe just keeps saying Sike! Over and over :’)

I had to work so hard just to fuckin survive and keep myself alive my whole childhood.

I never thought I’d be able to go to college,, I didn’t even think it was on the table for me.

But I got lucky and got support and encouragement from my friends,, and somehow I managed to make it. And it meant so much to me. I felt so overjoyed and lucky to be able to be in a place where I didn’t have to worry about my safety all the time, or where I was going to sleep or get my next meal. And better yet,, somewhere where I could pursue my dreams and passions and get a little closer every day to a future I never thought I’d have. :’D

Buuuut then Covid hit, my mental health tanked, and I stopped being able to afford my tuition. And even though I was doing everything I could and DESPERATELY trying to figure things out,, it wasn’t enough. Bc nobody at the school would fuckin help me. And it was so frustrating and upsetting to know that, no matter how good of a student I was (I was a 4.0 student in STEM smh)

And no matter how genuine and passionate I was,,,

It didn’t make a difference. Because all they cared about was my money.

Like. Not to be dramatic. But that shit legit shattered my heart and crushed my soul. :’)

Even so! I told myself,,, hey. It’s okay. You can turn this around. You just have to work harder! Push yourself even further! You’re good at that. You’ve done it before. You just need to get a job and save up so you can go back.

So I got my silly lil minimum wage pet store job.

And goddammit, I was great at that too.

I was the best damn employee at my store, if not the whole company 🙄 bc I’m SMART AND PASSIONATE ABOUT LEARNING AND HELPING ANIMALS AND CREATING BETTER LIVES FOR THEM. UGH. 😤

Worked my tits off for a year and a half. Saved up as much as I could. Got over halfway to my goal that would allow me to finally move away from my home state that I’ve always hated. Go back to school. And really and truly get a shiny new ~fresh start~

But then the universe was like, HA bitch you thought!

You actually worked *too* hard this time and now your body is broken.

So… all that money you just saved up…?

POOF! That’s all going to your medical bills now.

Or at least. A tiny fraction of your medical bills :)

And now you can’t keep working to pay those bills off, or save up more money to go back to school. Because you’re too sick!

So like… good luck I guess??

And now I’m here having to deal with the fact that my friends who started school at the same time as me are graduating this semester.

And I’m just. Spending all my days alone in my room helpless and lonely and rotting :)))

It just really stinks that even though I’ve been trying so hard my whole life and putting SO MUCH of myself into literally everything I do,,, it’s never seemed to pay off.

In fact it feels like if anything, all it’s done is come back to bite me in the ass and make the failure hurt worse in the end.

🙄🙄 big “please please please let me get what I want by the smiths” moment

But anyways *ahem*

Like I said,,,,,

Whenever I get to feeling like this. I definitely always end up thinking about and coming back to Saeyoung.

Because… different life situations, obviously.

I’m glad at least I haven’t had to check “lost twin” or “being a secret agent” off my trauma bingo card yet.

But then again. I never thought I’d check off medical trauma either and look how that turned out, so who knows what the future has in store for me? 💀

At any rate,,, I know he’d be able to empathize, and understand those feelings.

More so than anyone I’ve ever met in real life, probably.

That’s definitely a huge part of why he came to mean so much to me in the first place. And why he’s the character I come back to time and time again when things start feeling really unfair.

And,, knowing just how and why he’d be able to understand and relate to those feelings is a big part of why I love him so much…

I just get so overwhelmed any time I get caught up thinking about that man’s endless capacity for goodness and love. Even through all the shit he’s been through. And how,, no matter how hurt he was, how hopeless he felt, or how much he *wanted* to give up. He never ever could. Because that’s just who he is,, if there’s even the slimmest margin of a chance that he could do something to make the world better for his loved ones, he’d drag himself there to the point of physically falling apart and not even think twice about it.

And like,,, yeah,,, it’s an issue in its own right and breaks my heart to think of how far he’d go for others while having so little regard for himself.

But also,,,,, it’s so admirable 😭 I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. Saeyoung Choi is made of love.

And like,,, more than just Ye Olde “self-destruction in the name of helping his loved ones” thing,, I also get so worked up just thinkin about him being his silly dorky self,,

And again just… through everything,, even when he tried to convince himself that it was a front and he wasn’t actually like that,,, he never stopped being bright and curious and passionate,,, because that IS who he is,,, he’s a NERD and he genuinely loves learning and trying new things and having fun,,, and spreading that joy to the people around him. 🥹❤️

It just makes me wanna fuckin SMOTHER him with all of the affection and appreciation I could ever possibly muster up. And tell him over and over and over again how incredible and kind and brave and strong and special he is, and how much I love and adore him, and how lucky and proud I feel to even exist in the same universe as someone so earnestly and relentlessly Good. 🥺🥺

I would simply like to love him to death dhdjdjd

And like. I guess it’s cathartic to me to imagine being able to do that and say those things to him.

And to really just,,, bask in those overwhelming feelings of affection.

Bc I guess that’s how I wish someone would see and feel about me 😅 and that I could have someone in my life who would see how hard I try,, and be proud of me, and make me feel like I have value outside of my achievements in life (or,,, lack thereof). And like,,,, love me for all the times I kept going even when it hurt. That would be cool,,,,

Me out here since 2016 trying to fix myself by fixing Saeyoung 💀💀

Literally even now I feel better than I did when I started typing this message having thought about him and how much I love him fjfjfjf

Kuz,,, there’s the catharsis in thinking about being able to say those things that i wish I could hear myself to someone else.

But then there’s the added layer of self-indulgent catharsis of being able to be like,,,

I mean, hey, Saeyoung probably *would* see you in a similar light,,, if anyone would be able to understand and appreciate those things in me, it would be him. :’D

We are,,, the pointing Spider-Man meme,,, but make it gay dhdhdj

And that shit is,,, overwhelming to think about.

Ahh the euphoria of loving Saeyoung Choi shdhjd

And,, imagining a world where he loves me back just as much,,,

That’s nice,,, :’D

Anyways. I don’t know where I intended on going with this. I feel like I’m just awkwardly talking in circles and not making sense.

And I didn’t mean to get as vent-y as I did there.

I guess I just was all tangled up in my thoughts about all this shit and wanted to try and articulate that side of why Saeyoung means so much to me.

And to have an excuse to gush about my precious little meow meow. 🤡

As usual,,, if you’ve actually taken the time to read through this mess. Thank you haha.

Wishing you the best, always. ❤️❤️❤️

Don't worry, I get where you're coming from.

I had the same experience, similar, anyway. I thought college was the way out and went like I was "supposed" to. I suffered for a long time as a child in an abusive, impoverished environment, and there was no way out but a single door that everyone sold me. Well, as soon as the door closed on high school, my body started to give up. I dealt with a single diagnosis at first, and then, by the next time Spring Break was around, I had two more issues that would nearly cause me to lose my life.

Being on death's door after you've fought so hard to escape is a sick joke, and it's hard to put that grief into words. I'm sure you know what I mean, though. You think you're getting out and then it feels like God is laughing in your face. As if to say, "You thought you were allowed to be happy and free? Ha! Sike!" Hitting rock bottom with those types of emotions is not fun in the slightest. I still feel grief in that way when a bad day comes along. Even if you're working through your feelings, a bad flare will make you struggle.

Being Disabled and Chronically Ill means you're in a perpetual loop of "I'm okay with this" > "I hate this" > "This is okay sometimes" > "Why is it that I'm being punished" > "I can't take it anymore" > "This is... okay. I am okay".

You cycle through acceptance, anger, grief, begging, and everything that comes with loss. We don't have to be okay with our struggles, you know? It's not something people can understand unless it's their experience. Sure, if someone close to you is that sick, you might be able to understand, but not all of it. It's something that can't be put into words. Sometimes, the hardest part is trying to get someone to understand that you won't get better. You will only get worse. It's not like a broken arm.

I want you to know that I've been there. Stuck in a bedroom for years and it hurt. I lost out on experiences because I didn't have support in the way I needed. I had to become my own doctor and advocate the second I realized the healthcare system latched onto my anxiety to blame for all my problems. I haven't had health care in years because America is a piece of shit, but I don't think anyone should be forced to become more intelligent than their doctor to save their life. Then, you have to act like you know nothing because if you know too much, they think you doom scroll health conditions online.

But, that's another thing. You get used to it. You shrug. Your pain is a 7 to an average person but to you, it's a 2. You get used to it. You just learn how to adapt. You forget what not being in pain feels like. I can't remember what it felt like to not have something hurt!

Mental health and physical health are other things. When you've got to deal with both of them, it's weird. You might have a bad day with a flare but your mental health is just fine, vice versa, or the opposite of that. If you're in too much physical pain to think, you're not going to think about your depression. You just sleep. God, one thing that did happen to me was that my compulsive hand-washing started to be something I did less because I physically couldn't get out of bed at one point and I just said, "Fuck it. I can't do it. It's fine."

Still have that issue but it's not what it was. It's hard to explain how these issues clash with each other.

Haha. Anyway, I get it. I know what you mean about Saeyoung 'cause I feel the same way about Saeran. I met the RFA in 2016. I was on the door of death, not knowing what was coming next, and they saved a life that day. I don't know where I'd be without this game. Everyone in the group helped me see a chance to live.

Saeyoung was one of the first, too. I love him like a brother because I saw my sacrifices in him. I'm like him in that sense. I would throw my life on the line to see someone else happy. That's not always a good trait because you need to protect yourself, too.

You can't always give to others. Sometimes, you need to be selfish. But, having him by your side to empathize with is cathartic, you're right. He gets it. He knows what you mean and he doesn't judge.

You love him because you see yourself in him. You know he's capable of love, just like you are, and you know that he's safe. He'd know that you're safe, too. He knows you better than you know yourself, and I'd dare say it's the same way the other way around. That's why it's easy to love him. You know he'll never let go of you. You know he'll always fight for you. You want to be fought for, you want to be loved, and you want a chance to be validated the way you validate Saeyoung.

I'd say there's nothing wrong with that.

I look to Saeran because he'd get me. He's been just as sick as I've been and I wouldn't have to tell him what's wrong in detail. I could just look at him with pain in my soul, and he'd know. He'd get it and I wouldn't have to explain it. He'd just hold me... like I'd just hold him at his lowest moment. I feel like loving him makes me a better person. It reminds me that I have to try to treat myself the way I'd treat him... and the way he'd treat me. He'd want me to see something good even at the worst, and that helps me more than a lot of things.

So, I'd say, if you feel low... think about how Saeyoung would fight for you and help that inspire you to fight for yourself. Because he loves you and he always will, even if the galaxy keeps the two of you apart from one another. If you feel a flutter in your chest, it's him, calling out to your heart with a prayer you'll smile again.

And just remember, talking about your grief helps. Don't ball it up. If you have to write something down to let it out, do it. Never hesitate.

[hailieshapedbox]

my younger cousin has a lot of mental health issues and its really affecting everyone in the house n we dont know how to help him help himself/: its a bit tormenting on everyone. ive tried to help a lot but i had to stop bc it was affecting my mental health and he started be really mean, now i see why everyone has to minimize how much they can help and be around. i just gotta vent real quick though bc i cant take this sometimes. my uncle missed his psych appointment with his main dr. twice and had me reschedule it bc his assistants that fuck everything up, had it all fucked up. i made my uncle buy a whiteboard to keep track of all his shit bc i have enough projects for myself, i texted him multiple times throughout the week about the appointment and helped with other reminders on top of other things for his business (and his friends jewelry start up). i texted him the day before and the day before that about the appointment, i put a post it note on the coffee maker that his friend just let fall aside and got coffee all over (but still it was right on the counter), and he still woke me up to ask me what time it was at and even had the nerve to tell me to get ready in an hour to “help get him going and get him over there”. bruh i went back to sleep, i was up for 2 hours tryna sleep laying there like a dead fish or whatever they say n barely got a couple hours. ive told him so many times ive been dealing with insomnia and he just thinks everyone has trouble sleeping and doesnt understand n ive told him im underweight and how i have no energy and its like nobody ever hears me when i ask for help. hes woken me up probably 10x now n i started hurting myself tbh bc my peace was being too intruded. i got handle and control of that though, i dont wanna hurt myself you know. but only coping method that ever helped. whatever when i got up i did knock on my cousins door n ask if he heard his dad and i texted him bc he didnt say anything. i went to go work out. when my uncle got home he saw me working out and tried to get me to go with and ik its only bc he wants me to sit in the office so he can nap in the car. i even made a joke about it and he agreed laughing and went to go take a nap. instead of going to tmobile to get this kid a new sim card that hes been needing and begging for for going on two months. lmao bruh i try

this was just one morning i could write books of diary entries accumulating my emotions but i dont have time for that tbh im procrastinating n finally writing out bc i just want this week to be over i want it to be monday i want it to be next month when my brothers getting here and my mom comes over and imma make ed come back in town.

idk if yall noticed but until valentines day, i hadnt posted anything the entire month of february. took this long being single to realize valentines day is my favorite holiday and i couldnt missy opportunity to share my heart. i even posted on iG for the first time in like a year. i love love, its all i am, its all i need.

ive had so many post ideas too, but everyone is asking so much of me. its crazy because a few months ago i fucking begged the universe for more responsibility and god damn did i get it, im really trying hard to manage and stay aligned any way i can. im getting close to getting really good. im tryna get there so soon bc i see it through so clear but i just cant. even stopped drinking and cut back on weed a bit bc i just dont have time for it.

i had a whole other thing to rant about and i could have so many others, does kinda help to vent it especially writing. i forgot what it was once i started writing about valentines day and happier things. its funny how easy it is to flow into different emotions, yet so hard to control that and discipline that. even when i then after put myself into my happiest spaces, just doesnt always work. thats why when i see the opportunity for happiness i take it and thats why i dont get stuck on things easy, i hate stagnacity (wrote a song about that the other day). not easily influenced, but easily inspired. music actually usually does it. well imma go see if it still smells like campfire in the shower n do that or something else productive n try to make the most of whats left of the day. fuck i usually post this kinda stuff in the middle of the night so not to many people see it, i try not to be a bother or negative. love you all always

[damijonagainstkon]

Robin Rants: Vol. 1

I tried doing the whole, take a break from being Robin for a while. For like you know.... my mental health or something but it was the worst mistake I made and tonight I take it back. It’s really all I’m good for, and at least maybe I can get some bad people off the streets. I just wonder... when will someone take the bad me off the streets? Anyway, I’m using this blog as a public journal of sorts now, Maybe I’ll post some art of my boyfriend and my crush soon, I’ve drawn Jon before. But like I haven’t drawn flatline yet. That might be fun to try- OH and I gotta draw a photo of a Fem! Tim drake. My sister came out to me as trans and we used to have matching photos but obviously can’t use canon shit. So imma try and make us cute matching photos. whenever I end up doing it- I wonder if I can scan my traditional art with our printer and it not make like the colors fucky wucky. Anyway I guess also my brother like really hurt my feelings too today but like whatever. Who cares. So I guess anyone who bothers to look at this blog might be able to expect some art- so I hope you like it Jon <3 my only fan lmao. Oh! And also I’m gonna try to post a song(s) of the day because I’ve discovered I really like music lately, and I wanna post more. So that’s neat. Hope it works.

[valkyrayn]

hello juhl, i was reading your about and had a question but please don’t feel pressured to answer if you think it’s too personal. i recently graduated after studying marketing as well and got an entry level job and quit 6 months later because it was so stressful and made me really sad, so i wanted to ask what field of marketing you are in? ideally i just want to earn a lot like you (not assuming, just from reading your about page) but i know that takes time. thank you so much i know it’s not a tot qs but after a lot of job rejections i feel so directionless

hi hi! no dw that’s totally fine ☺️ also heads up this is gonna be a long reply lmao

i am in digital marketing, specifically as an Operations Manager. we don’t work with traditional marketing media, so we do mostly ads on social media. and tbh, my degree is in Communications. I learned like 10% of Marketing in uni, most of my knowledge came from working at the company I’m in now (for like 5 years now).

honestly, i’ve received questions like this a lot—about what kind of work they should venture into to earn a lot of money. and while I can give you suggestions like ‘digital marketing’ and etc, it all really comes down to two things—your attitude and finding a workplace that appreciates your effort.

which essentially means you don’t need to be in a field that you think you’re supposed to. i graduated thinking i should look for a job in a communications field—and i did that, in a magazine company but the hours and pay were shit so i quit after i landed my new (current) job.

i applied, with little to zero knowledge about marketing. but i was hired for my attitude—my willingness to learn and to prove to them that i can excel in that role; 5 years later i’m so good at what i do, i’m now promoted to manager. and now, i am too in charge of Hiring and tbh, we look for attitude first more than anything. so if i can suggest anything, find a company that values attitude first before skill. of course companies like these are unicorns, hard to find. but you can almost always tell by looking at the job vacancy they posted.

so here’s a checklist that i go by on companies that you should avoid when i look at job vacancies (entry level—not manager positions):

- are they hiring you for a single focused role or is it something like Graphic Designer/Data Entry. if it’s the latter, it’s a no from me. cus you’ll end up doing a 5-person job

- are they asking for your degrees and says you must have a 3.8 gpa and above? goodbye. unless they’re hiring you for professions like doctor, engineer etc then okay but for marketers, not necessary. 3.0 above is good enough.

- are they listing the role and responsibilities clearly or is it very vague? if it’s the latter, you can try asking them at the interview. if they can’t be fully transparent, red flag.

i also actively avoid companies that say—we are a family. that’s my #1 red flag lmao. we’re not supposed to be a family.

tldr; try other fields—you might be surprised that you’d end up doing something entirely different than what you plan to. i gotta be honest, when you’re looking for a job initially it will be about wanting to get the best pay; that’s totally understandable. and tbh, you’d be lucky asf if you’re able to find that but don’t be scared to settle with little first as long as you know that company can appreciate your effort and give you salary raises in the years to come. give them 2 years, by then you’d be able to know if it’s worth for you to stay or ditch the company. but of course if they’re toxic, leave within the 1st year, don’t waste your time if it takes a toll on your mental health.

and attitude wise, i can go at length about this but maybe another time. but really, this is the game changer for me. once i shifted my mindset and removed my ego, tendency to self-pity but not doing anything about it and stopped blaming others but OWN my mistakes, failures and success—i did nothing but strive at my work and life overall. and the abundance just kept coming for me, monetary and other things.

cliche but i truly believe in manifesting for good things as well. manifesting AND doing something to achieve it. and if you ask me what’s my secret to success—attitude and mindset. fix these first and the rest will come easy.

gosh this went to so many places. became a whole ass motivational speech too lmao i’m sorry but i hope that helps!! 🥹

and i’ll manifest for good things to come to you!! and that you will soon find a job that you enjoy that also pays you good money 🫶

edit: i just realized i probably only half answered you. but before i go into details of what field in marketing that might suit you or skills you might need, i gotta ask—what part in your previous job that stressed you out?

[topaztimes]

Hey, I thought I'd give you an update again since you found my ask again xD

Anyway, finished my exams, did meh but my year was bad enough that I didn't really try.

Went to an awesome show and the first part was a fucking awesome band, and apparently I was so in it and visible that dicided to gift me a signed vinyl with a thank you written on it!!!!!

(there's more than just it on the pic but I thought it's be funny to have everything on my temporary shelve shown)

Also got a t-shirt, posters and the album of the band I went to see, and made an awesome friend on the way out with which I spent the entier night talking and walking around the city with.

Also got news of a friend coming back to my city for the pride so that's also awesome, they're so awesome and I kinda miss them so there's that.

And I'm 100% gonna take too much time doing shits I love this summer, I just gotta work on my mental health and get follow real steps to get better at them so I don't get demotivated 'n' all those problems. I might look back into writing but I need to do small things first before going for gigantic stories because I litterally cannot work my brain far enough in the future for something so big. Also need to train on drawing on paper or phone, not really interested in drawing with a mouse so no drawing on computer for now.

But mostly, I gotta find a way to keep in touch with my friends, I'm too much of an internet weirdo geek (really good thing) for me to share the same daily interest and activities as them so it's so much harder to keep in touch than with friends like you.

I need to learn to keep in touch with calls and messages.

My cat's outside in the rain by the way.

(Once again Tumblr does not give me notifications 💀 my resolution is to check my askbox instead of letting the app send me notifs 'cause it's awful at that)

THAT IS INSANE???? A gift for surviving your exams -- being noticed by an awesome band!!! Ngl I'm jealous -- I've got a concert after my exams also so I hope my group gets noticed gahaha

SAME????? I get an extra long summer holiday after my exams so I'm going to be doing creative stuff too!!! Do you want to do a thing where we just show each other what we've done? I think that might help us both actually do things lmfaoo

Messages... messages... my friends don't really text me all that much but I still take at least an hour to respond to some of them. Idk why! But I feel you with that lmao (Must be the responsibility... I love shirking responsibilities...)

Kitty! I just got mine back indoors.

[hadtochangeuserbecauseimparanoid]

Realizing the meta of it all

My dad has came to the realization that his healthy position in my life is a figure to guide and support me, and pass on the best knowledge he has to handle this life thing to me, as he can. Hes doing a good job, he's struggling himself, but despite it hes doing perfect not letting me in on his personal life details because I'm not asking, unless its about his physical health like his teeth. What I'm getting at there is he isnt talking to me about his progression in therapy, or about him trying to do better; he's just doing better and showing me that.

My mom... I can't say she isnt doing her version of that too, but it hasn't met mine yet? Trying to be optimistic here. She doesn't know how to be a healthy mom, plain and simple. She MIGHT not know that her healthy position in my life is someone that will guide and support me, she also might know that and is so terrified of fucking it up, because she has for so long. I am her kid, if my emotions are genetic, learned from her, or fuck, both man! Like, it would make sense she has an immense fear of failure. And it comes out in odd ways because of being aware, but not knowing where to go from there

Gotta dial back on the hyperanalyzing my take of what my mom may think, that's not healthy. But dude... I need her to show me this is a talked about goal in therapy without her showing it, in short. My dad is in therapy, and hes being better for me; that's a healthy way to see and process my dad is being better for me and therapy is helping him finally heal and accomplish that with me.

My mom is in therapy, and I haven't been shown any proof she's being better for me, other than her NOT making me directly feel like shit, guilty, ragging on me, keeping the cycle of lovebombing, being cold or focused on anything but me and my words, and then blowing up, apologizing, lovebombing, so on. Shes broken that cycle from my perspective. But I dont even have clear proof that shes aware theres a cycle to be broken between us. We need family therapy, which shes asked for. So I think we have kept eachother at a standstill maybe with healing from that stuff, by not doing that, and not being on the same page while still trying to be in eachothers lives?

God it's so messy in here LMAO. I guess shes genuinely doing her best by mirroring me; never letting in on anything unless it's safe or presumed Safe. Maybe she thought she'd be cool to me for smoking before taking me into the dmv, instead of a mentally underdeveloped adult (I offered to smoke with her right after chill out man you can wait, I get if you're nervous but you should have found away around this already, I was bound to try to find a way to bond given you're TRYING, RIGHT???)

I don't get it man. Shit is so confusing, and I have to call her today to ask if she can so kindly drive 35 minutes to bring me christmas presents I left there, and then 35 back. Instead of me doing it, which I've been trying to for three weeks. I always am the one to drive to them, and I don't understand why she had to ghost me for three weeks plus, I'm typing this being ghosted, asking her is she could bring it here because "I've been having trouble finding a way to get to y'all to get my presents".

Maybe I need to update her? And just call her and with my voice ask "hey, I've been having issues trying to get to y'all for about three weeks now. When I first texted you we had just came down with the flu, right after my tooth just had let up on hurting almost fully (still a super super slight dull ache, it just hurts when I run or hang upside down type shit), and I couldn't come get it and risk getting them sick and cams mom sick using her car. So after we got better, I've literally been trying daily to either use the car early in the day on the weekend, ask cams dad to borrow his truck to be told no, ask cams mom if she can use Andrew's car for work so we can borrow hers on wednesday morning at this point, then we asked late in the day so now its Thursday that she said we can. Come Thursday morning we forgot to remind HER when weve already asked, so NOW we have to do it friday or hope to GOD she says yes to bringing it, AND Joan's worms (5 minute trip in and out, 10 max come ON you know? It's for your kids lizard that you consider to be like a fucking grandchild by how you talk about them you wouldnt be bothered to help with that on the way), and end this loop of hell for me????

And if she says she can't or makes a bs excuse, or in any way I get triggered from calling her and phrase shit defensively, I could then not only continue/turn that cycle wheel after years of both of us trying to end it, but not get to my goal or do anything effective, which is to ask for help; but lowkey I also will be listening for if she seems to actually care about looking out for me in her excuse and may get upset if she is in any way clearly, to me, making excuses or alluding to it being too much to help her kid out sometime in the next fucking 7 days idc but please try to show me you care I deserve a mom that cares don't I? Don't I?

And see, if I dont reign it in I have emotional flashbacks, because in my brain shes still saying all of those hurtful things she did in the past, throwing hairspray cans and hairbrushes at me, tackling me, ect, with her saying "no", to helping me.

And if she says yes, I just experienced all of these flashbacks, and get to hang out with my mom the next day! And try to be healthy for her in turn myself and remember it's for me but also not get mixed up and do too much for her in turn putting me out in the equation. Teehee!

[worldwright]

Good evening ! ill be reading crackships after the day i just had bc wtf

I finally could get my meds, had some issues regarding that, but my usual pharmacy was nice enough to not care and just handed me my meds for free (im not paying for those things, they don't work at all but i still need to take them)

Im so exhausted, I cant ;-; dont wanna be tomorrow, have a very important call that's useless i have to answer

I KNOW what I'm thinking about kinda sounds bad and is NOT a good idea AT ALL, but I just want to make another attempt, same as last time, just to get some rest for fuck's sake, don't feel rested since September and no news about the psych ward (i think they didn't actually add me to the waiting list, i know it's bad to insinuate that but it's france, everything mental health related is some real shit so it's not that farfetched)

but alas, i cant do that again, because first i like walking, second im waiting for 4 important things (my id, one of the two things i need for 'free' healthcare, the bad i ordered, and finally my doctor's eyes' appointment that i finally have, omg, ill be able to finally have some glasses that fit my eyes, oh do i want them now)

ugh, why am i dealing with so many medical issues, oh yeah i have free healthcare bc france but good lord would it kill them to actually do something that works for once ??????

also, unrelated, someone asked me if i sold or if i knew someone who sold drugs when we were on the bus, that was fun ngl. why would i go do smth illegal when i can be high with my prescribed meds if i dose them right lol

Have a wonderful morning my friend !

goddamn isn't it. so fucking fantastic. that nobody takes mental health seriously unless there's obvious tangible attempts at literal death. that being said you better fuckin not. who will kick the asses of the dickwads managing the psych ward if you don't

obviously I don't expect you to go commit violence lmfao, but like. spite

lol my manager keeps dropping more projects on me. it's like yeah I was confident I could finish those four drawings in time but now there are six. oh you have another one? bitch

I gotta start taking advantage of my medical insurance lol. I switched to a different plan that's ostensibly better, but it takes money out of my paycheck so like. I'm gonna go use that goddamn health insurance. funny how that works. luckily there's a clinic literally one block from my apartment

it's supposed to snow this weekend.... I need to stock up on groceries in case I get locked in (oh no how terrible, having to stay home oh nooooo lmao)

ughhhhh I need to move closer to my friends!!!! I cannot live alone I keep making too much food!! and I'm notoriously bad at eating leftovers!! looking at apartment listings is keeping me alive until I can fuck off out of Seattle

(not that I hate seattle, it's just too far from friends. also it's loud)

hope you have a wonderful and relaxing evening!!

[kosmikowboj]

ima be greedy: 🌿 💎 and 💌

HEEHEE ILY ABBY

🌿 how does creating make you feel?

so. many. things. name an emotion and creating has probably made me feel it--it's made me euphoric it's made me devastated it's made me anxious it's made me calm like it truly is such an Experience for me and that's part of why I love it!!!

💎 why is writing important to you?

prepare yourself for a long-winded answer HAH

writing is one of those things that I’ve just done ever since I was little, and I think part of why it’s so important to me is because it has been such a steady constant in my life. sometimes I find old journals from when I was a real small kid full of all these little stories and I’m like wow…we 🤝

there’s also the “shit sucks? put some blorbos Through It” element. writing can be extremely cathartic for me (or, at the very least, a nice distraction), and I always find myself writing more whenever my mental health takes a dip. makes life a bit more bearable!

even beyond my personal experiences, I feel like there’s something so deeply beautiful about the written word—like putting humanity under a microscope, almost. everyone’s unique life experiences shape their stories and their writing styles in such interesting ways, and I love seeing what little moments capture people’s attention.

💌 share something with us about an up-and-coming work (WIP) that has you excited!

ohhh my god so many answers to this question AGAIN but I gotta be careful bc anything I say will commit me to actually finishing a WIP LMAO

speaking in general terms, I've been writing a lot of BBC Merlin stuff recently (wow shocker!) and I’m really trying to explore Merlin and Arthur’s fundamentally fucked up relationship in some of the stuff I’m working on. they are so messed up and I love pushing buttons and seeing what happens heehee (and giving them time to heal after ofc I’m not a monster) (well. most of the time).

in the same vein, one of the long fics I’m working on dives a lot into Merlin and Morgana’s relationship, and how they’re honestly not so different imo? like if you really get down to the roots of their character motivations they’re both driven by selfishness, it just manifests in different (but sometimes equally unhinged) ways. I think forcing them to confront that is 👀 plus then they can have magic tea parties after <3

(all of these qs are from this post)