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violetskies65 · 1 year

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My Abuser.

Honestly, it has taken me too long to write this. I have a lot going on in my life, and it really saddens me that I lost four months of my life away to a narcissistic drain. Looking back, that is exactly how I see my ex. A drain, or some type of large black hole, that sucked away pieces of my soul, and my spirit. I know my spirit was draining, and I simply was not "me".

It did not take long for my friends to notice my weird behavior. They were of course worried about me, but in their defense, they did not care to poke or prod into my situation, as I would always shut them down. "I'm just tired" I would say, while knowing I was sinking back into that place I so desperately fought to get out of when I was between the ages of 17 and 18. At that time, the current social climate, rise of COVID-19 cases, and my father's death is what put me in that "dark place". Now, it was one person, one person I so desperately craved to get away from at all costs, even to the point where I was joking about faking my own death to my mother. She probably brushed it off as my dark sense of humor, but even then, and somewhat now, I have hidden nearly all of the abuse I suffered from November 2022, to March 2023.

I see myself as a girl who wants to date for marriage, and fun. I have been busy a bit, and chose to work on myself, and perceived flaws. I was in a pretty shifty relationship for too long in 2021, and while I am friends with this ex now, with him begging to rekindle our relationship at some points, this man broke my heart in the midst of August. Looking back, it was honestly for the best. I needed to learn to not be codependent, and work on myself. This time period brought a lot of blessings for me growth and personality wise, and for the first time in forever, I felt free and happy. I had contracted COVID-19 in August, and was also busy babysitting my now homeless coworker/friends small children. These events allowed me to come out of my depressed shell, but also take time to recuperate on myself. Many men came my way, and were rejected, I simply was not ready to exactly date yet, so why I made that mistake in October, I will never know.

Picture it, October of 2022! I was definitely feeling myself. I have dealt with weight and body image issues for the past year, which were further amplified by my choice of attire as Catwoman, but I decided to just be myself. I was invited to a friend's (now ex friend) halloween party. Looking back, this was all a simple ploy or "set up" to set me up with the person who would become my abuser, worsen my anxiety, and cause me to worry for my safety over the period of several months.

We really liked each-other's "vibe" at the party, and simply began talking. Honestly, there seemed to be an abundance of red flags everywhere, the first being is, he simply didn't have a drivers license. I'm just going to state it here right now, I like and prefer to date older men, for multiple reasons, none of which really being me playing into the "gold-digger" stereotype. He was 21, no license, but he had a job. The light at the end of the tunnel right? He was actually employed, and would walk approximately two miles back and forth to his place of employment every night. I felt sorry for him, and saw him as just a goofy guy, who had been put down by women for not being good enough, with the stories he told me and the way he expressed himself, I believed him. In a way, I believe it to be a somewhat empathetic connect. In the way he constantly put himself down as "not good enough", I related, as I felt I was not good enough because of my current self esteem.

On the flipside of the coin, I deal with mental health issues myself, but I often internalize them. I am still so angry at myself, as I feel I came so far as a person, only to waste it, on this piece of shit. We continued talking, and did not engage in "full intercourse" for about a month, possibly even longer. I didn't exactly know what we were, I just know we liked each other, and I did not wish to rush anything. Our official anniversary date was November 13th, a date I felt guilty about, as it was my father's birthday. I really did not wish to share such a sad and special date to myself with him, but I was afraid to tell him that, because he was quickly wanting to make it "official". I now realize his reasoning for this was to prove something. He wanted to prove to his exes, and other "nay-sayers" that he could in fact OBTAIN a new girlfriend, he simply is not the issue, and they are. Of course this is all a blatant trait of his long-standing narcissistic traits.

I just began a new job, and I had too much going on, but I still seemingly did everything to keep him happy. When we met, and around the time we began dating, he had an ex, I'll call her Gaz for privacy reasons. From the outside looking in, it truly did appear to me that Gaz was the one doing the harassing. I really wish I listened to what she said, or prodded more into it.

My abuser simply stated to me that Gaz, had left him, yet continued to harass him for months. I would later discover this to not be true in the slightest, but I did not discover or realize this soon enough. She posted across various social media platforms about how much he hurt her, how bad he treated her and how his behavior was deplorable, and the most obvious, about him being a narcissist. The funny thing is, I actually went to high school with Gaz, and she was a year younger than me. I knew of her, but I really did not know her. I heard about some drama and scandals she was in, but just always assumed she never liked me, but I simply went on with my life. She was, and still clearly is on a separate path from me. I would like to believe everyone progresses in life at different rates, and I truly wish the best for everyone, but it is now so clear that my abuser was holding her back, which honestly, makes me fear the now scrapped future I may have been stuck in with him.

Gaz was an intelligent and talented young woman who came from a more privileged background than myself. She is tall and skinny, and was pursuing a degree at the college I practically just gave up on because of depression and financial related issues. These were all my first surface level assumptions of her. I knew she was in some drama in high school, but I never really hated or cared about her, she was friends with a good friend of mine from back in the day, so I assumed she had matured and pursuing good goals for herself. I saw some of her memes and artwork on instagram, and thought they were neat. Besides all of that, I never really paid her any mind, until she broke up with my abuser.

Gaz dated my abuser for nearly two years, and broke up with him in August (Key Date: A day before I was dumped by my ex). I was friends with my abuser on facebook a bit after this happened, and saw him posting sad and depressing posts, and although I did not know him, I knew he was the brother of she-demons brother. I felt it was my duty to help uplift someone's spirit after I was in such a dark place myself. I seemingly put two and two together, and from seeing his posts, her posts, and her continuing to post after we made our relationship public, and assumed she was a terrible person who just wanted to see the person I then loved and cared for so deeply suffer. Why will she just not let it go? I thought to myself everyday. I wanted to confront her so badly, and probably say some not so nice words. On twitter, she began posting about me, just some snarky comments. My abuser always reprimanded me, and sent his mother after her, but I was never ever allowed to say or confront Gaz about anything. I simply let it die. I trusted my abuser also, because I thought his other ex, we will call her Jade, was on just great terms with him, they were friends, and they left the past in the past. I would later come to find out that that wasn't true either, and he has quite the extensive track record in regards to abuse.

From the moment we began dating, my abuser was initially so focused on moving in together. This is not something I looked forward to, and stated many times I was looking forward to paying off my debt in the New Year before I ever made such a commitment. I had no issue with living with my mother, and I still don't. It can be rough at times, but there are really no combative issues, or any issues nearly akin to what I went through when I lived with my abuser. This should have been the most blatant red flag, but do not think I did not voice my concerns about this bizarre arrangement.

I would wait to get off work and take my abuser to his job, where he would make a whopping $11-20 dollars a night, if even that. I have done DoorDash and made double that in just an hour or two. I had a thirty minute commute home, but sometimes, he would guilt-trip me into staying up and staying in the city late, so I could take him home too. I cared about him, but these events were very tiring to me, and would wear me down. Even then, I felt like I was walking on eggshells, and that I couldn't just simply tell him "no". This would obviously become a more prominent issue later into our relationship. issues regarding sex, drugs and alcohol, finances, and more, all were rooted in this way of life. I was simply scared to stand up from myself from almost the beginning, I put him on a pedestal, and he really seemed to enjoy that. Before things got deeper into the relationship, I thought to myself, how could this goofball be so abusive, and that Gaz was a psycho and jealous liar. Ironically, this seems to be a trend with my abuser.

My abuser dated Jade before Gaz. Jade was described to me as very sexually confident, yet she had an insatiable appetite for attention, she was described to me as needy, someone needing to be loved. At first, in regards to the details my abuser laid out in his long and overtold stories about her, I related. I really just wanted to be her friend. Early on in my relationship with my abuser, she happened to send me a friend request. I accepted it, but was initially weirded out. My abuser made me go back into a cycle of being unfriendly and untrustworthy with people, ESPECIALLY other women. I simply asked him why she had added me, which led to him spilling into his now standing friendship with her, and later on comparing her to Jade, which also helped further the process with my brainwashing by him.

Jade is just so much more mature than Gaz, was the rhetoric repeated by my abuser most often. "I'm so glad we are friends" he stated, multiple times. For some reason, these instances did not make me really insecure. I was actually happy he seemed to be on good terms with atleast one of his exes, which to me, proved the point the Gaz was nothing but a hateful liar. Really, that wasn't the case. Jade is a very forgiving person who has certainly been through a lot. She simply thought forgiving my abuser (OUR abuser) for what he did would be just enough for her to move on with her life, and process her trauma, but when I came forward about my abuse, it seemed to open up a door for so much more information that would make my stomach churn, and in turn, make me feel like the world's biggest idiot, and a loser.

My abuser talked about Jade a lot. Gaz was a forbidden topic, at least to me. Whenever Gaz was mentioned, it was followed by something negatively that she had done to him. These instances carried on for two months of our relationship. My abuser seems to piggy back off a lot of his issues, and as most narcissists do, he uses it as a defense mechanism. He would repeatedly talk about Gaz, and how she tricked him, lied to him, and later on, how SHE was the one who cheated. It honestly hurt me, this fixation he had on this girl I felt I was nothing like. I was nothing like Jade either, but I feel we could relate in some ways. Our socioeconomic background was slightly similar, we had some similar interests, and we both adored cats. Still, she was different from me in a lot of ways, and I was reminded of that too.

I am just going to say, I am very confident in myself, at least before this relationship took a toll on me, but repeated stories about Gaz and Jade was something that really started to piss me off. After listening to his virginity story, and about all these women he has "scored" i began to drift off, and tell my own stories, my exes (which I do not have a lot!) and how we are all cool, or on some set of good terms. I bragged and gloated about how men usually come back to me, because they do. I just wanted to gain strength in my own sexuality again, and my appearance. I am bigger, and I gained weight in this relationship. I was on the way to dieting, before my abuser ruined it by practically forcing me to smoke marijuana and live off fast food for months, to the point where my gall bladder hurts.

Alongside the repeated lies and stories in regards to Gaz, his hatred for her was so strong I was deprived of finding joy in any similar way or interest that was akin to her. Even where I lived, was VERY much an issue for my abuser. Throughout the course of our short lived relationship, my abuser only spoke to my mom maybe like three times. She was very polite each time, but even then, I was so terrified she was going to say something to set him off. We basically began dating before the holidays, and he would not meet my family. He would not budge, and would always give a sob story to how he could not, and would not meet my family for the holidays. Everything was about his family, and how he felt.

I spent thanksgiving alone for a bit, after a long day of hard work at my Grandmothers until my family came. At this point, I was just extremely upset and questioning the entire complexity of my relationship. I could not find the words to tell my family, and my poor confused mother of all people just exactly why my new prince charming would not be attending dinner with us, atleast for a little bit, or the simple fact that he was refusing to meet them. His infatuation with Gaz still continues to this day, as if Fall Out Boy came on the radio, I was surely getting the silent treatment for atleast fifteen minutes.

Christmas rolls around, and we are honestly having more good days in our relationship than bad. I truly loved my abuser, and for a while, my doubts began to fade. I traveled to his mother's house in a city three hours away around christmas time, and then again near new years. Near Christmas, I truly did not feel like going, but I was excited to get out. At first, I was nervous, and a bit sad. My ex was from a town near this area, and I had a great friend who lived up here whom I missed, so I was a bit melancholy. This was obviously an issue for my abuser. "Why can't you just be happy", is a statement he would constantly speak, whenever my emotions were not the exact same as his.

I hated going to his mothers house. I did not feel comfortable, and the steps were ridiculous. There was no heat in the dead of winter, but they were struggling. In my head and in my heart, I was already thinking of ways I could help them, as I felt so bad. I always wanted to get toys for his two young brothers, which ended up with him scolding me and storming off in the middle of Walmart, because I accidentally interrupted him holding up a Spider man figure, asking if his brothers would like it. The house was always filthy and dirty, but I was under the guise they were getting their life together, so I tried not to be too judgemental. I felt so cramped and boring, and I was the new girl, so of course a conversation piece.

My abuser found a box that had some of Gaz's things in them. Instead of throwing them out or allowing me to rethrift them, he sulked, and gave me the silent treatment, somehow everything was my fault, once again. He was full of anger and rage, he held so much hate in his heart for Gaz.

The first time, we had to sleep on an air mattress that kept deflating on the floor, which left me with a very sore hip. This did not matter though, as my abuser then decided it was the perfect room to have sex in. I was not sober, but I will say, I fully consented to intercourse that night, it was fast, as it always was with him. I knew it would be over soon, leaving me unsatisfied, but honestly I was just tired. I figured we would wake up and leave in the morning, only to realize, I was trapped in a city three hours away for the next half of the day. I woke up that morning freezing, tired, and feeling gross. I got up and used the bathroom, came back, and fell asleep. This led to my abuser berating me for falling back asleep, with no regards to my quality of sleep, and with him begging to have sex again. I am not going to deny, I am a sexual person. Sex is fun to me, as I'm sure it is to a lot of people. I am also a very hygienic person, and sometimes, the act is not very hygienic. He pleaded and begged for 15 minutes to have unprotected sex with me, when I was so tired.

During the argument, I could hear his uncle across us in the hallway, and his brothers running outside. To top it all off, the sun was coming up. I finally just gave into missionary sex as I said "okay, I'll let you, but I won't be actively participating", because I knew in my heart, he would be complaining the entire day and about how I ruined our chance to have sex, which is something he did often. I spent half of our relationship feeling like a teenager, as sex was common but almost always uncomfortable, and he acted like a naive boy on prom night.

January came and went, and honestly, will probably go down as one of the worst months of my life. I had to be at work super early on New Years Day, so even though we spent some time together, we did not get to spend the night together, or even share a New Year's kiss. My night ended with me dropping him off at work, and me going home, and going to sleep, feeling so frustrated.

My frustrations would continue into the next day as I woke up to find him to be at his exes' home approximately a few minutes from where I lived. It was Jade. "Hey" he texted me, with me ignoring it, unintentionally, as I clocked out from work around 2. "I'm in *insert town name* at Jade and her boyfriend's house, they invited me over for New Years." I read the message, and shut down. This was the first moment in our relationship I was full of anger. Not sadness, not numbness, and not confusion, pure raw anger. I felt betrayed, and maybe even a little jealous. Two confusing and unusual emotions to me, as I am not the jealous or protective type even after what I have been through, but my abuser honestly really pushed my limits. I was so hurt by this, I just wanted to end it. How could he ignore my family, berate me for where I live, and swear to never come to my area again over Gaz, but was there in a heartbeat for Jade. To clarify, I do not think either cheated, obviously, but this showed me where his priorities where. It really bothered me, but I could not voice my frustrations to him, because he slowly started to become more and more vocal with his anger and frustrations.

My abuser was still so keen to me moving in with him, to the point where he tricked me into touring an apartment with him. I did not want to move here, and voiced my concern with him about this horrible idea. and stated multiple times, that I did not have the 1500 deposit the landlord requested. Finally, I just gave up and gave in. I thought moving to a new place would be a good start for me, something I needed, and it was much much closer to my job. This is when the cracks started to really show.

The day we signed the lease, I voiced my concern about payment, which led to him throwing the pen in my car floor board, followed by his phone, and proceeded to stomp it. I was so horrified by his behavior, and yet, I somehow internalized it towards me. This was the first time I ever saw him so angry and upset, so again, I went along with whatever to make him happy, I mean, I was supposed to love and support him right? I paid the full 1000 down, which twisted our next two months rent to be 1000, to help cover the initial deposit that was agreed upon. We had no furniture, no food, and I had such a busy work schedule, but I just wanted to get it set up. My abuser started his new apartment journey by sleeping on the floor. A week later, he yelled at me for buying "nine dollar sushi" at the grocery store across the street, because I had used the wrong card and asked him to go ahead and pay for it and I would find the correct card and pay for his. He continued this argument, and I just became numb for three days because of it. He tried to make me feel bad at every opportunity he could.

I was honestly so sick and in pain around the time of us moving in. He just kept bragging about "his" first apartment. I paid the full deposit, yet everything was just still about him. I was hoping things would cool down after the phone stomping incident, but he began berating me and calling ME ungrateful because I felt sickly and did not want to take a photo with him. This sounds incredibly bitchy, but this was practically the only time he wanted to be the one taking a photo of us, and I simply said no. This led to a buildup of intense anger, to the point where I was shaking. I then agreed to take the photo with him, and I did not look happy at all. My crumbling smile and intense dark circles practically said it all. When it came to moving furniture in, it was never easy. We had no bed, and I really did not feel like moving my huge bed over there. I knew it was going to take a village to do so, and unlike his generationally impoverished family, all of my family members have jobs, and are constantly occupied.

Due to me switching and going off birth control, along with other birth control methods, I have presumed fertility issues, but only due to an irregular cycle pattern. My cycle patterns with my abuser seemed to stay consistent, but I can tell you, I was not looking to become pregnant. I really hate exposing myself in such a long & detailed post, but I do have a breeding kink, along with some other sexual interests he berated me for, comparing me to his ex, Gaz, who I presumed was asexual or sex repulsed. In all honesty, I did not care what her sexual interests or libido was like, but my abuser made sure to make it a conversation topic almost always, especially when intoxicated, which he frequently was. My cycle was finally straightened out, but I still had ovulation or PMS related pains. One day, it was extremely severe, I could not walk at work, which is basically all my job consisted of. My abuser demanded I call him by a certain time, on my lunch, which I did. I repeatedly called him, and did not understand why he was not picking up, and I became increasingly frustrated due to my prolonging uterine pain and my time being wasted. I was also starving myself at this time, ignoring my hormonal cravings due to my weight gain and poor body image. I became incredibly ill after New Years, possibly due to eating Sheetz food after I starved at his mother's home for two days. I'd honestly say I lost about five to ten pounds during this time. My abuser did not care. He was happy I was not eating, I assume because he can only be attracted to pre-pubescent bodies.

He always went out of his way to mention my fertility,

I told him I had to go, and my lunch was almost over and I was in pain. He proceeded to pelt me with these texts.

At this point, I knew I made a mistake. It was too late to fix it, but I should have just gave up and ghosted right there. That is an act I hate to do, but it would have saved me so much trouble, and a lot of trauma. He continued this pointless argument for over two days, even after he apologized. It only continued to get worse, with him picking apart every little thing I was saying. I feel like everybody hated me in our area, and in turn, I turned on hating them. Even two girls I went to school with, and was friends/acquaintances with for years. He was always more worried about his commute to work a 2 hour a night job then my sleep schedule, as me having to go in at 5am simply inconvenienced him.

Besides us sadly sharing a lease together, (I use that term lightly, seeing as I paid for everything) the fact I was friends with his family and we basically shared somewhat of a social circle is what tied us together the most. I had my own friends from my area, and I had been casual friends with them. I say casual, as I always felt like an outcast, and I grew older, I was surely tied of their ways, and the drama. These issues would come full circle as all his family did was fight. I now realize my abuser honestly had no true friends like I did, nobody close. This in turn, made him incredibly jealous and hostile towards my friends, and even towards my family. So he is all I felt I had. I felt bad for turning my back on everyone, I kept casual contact with him, but after a while. I quit responding, and everyone knew something was up. It was depression. I've been through very short and sporadic depression spouts before, but this was a prolonged period, because of him. I was unhappy at work, I was unhappy being at "home". That apartment never felt like home, even after my bed was finally moved there. I started to feel less and less loved, and move used every single day. My self esteem plummeted immensely.

It was not long before he took hostage of my playstation, and spent money on a membership as he continued to not help with food or rent, and even power. I would have to come home on my lunch break everyday, and quickly consume a cup of ramen, courtesy of his mom, a month ago, who bought our only groceries most of which he ate in a day.

Everything in his world revolved around marijuana, cigarettes, or alcohol. Things really started to get worse between us in late January and February. Money was running low, and he became increasingly angry and frustrated with me everyday. I came home to him, my abuser, and the source of all my sadness. I felt like a prisoner, a prisoner who was stuck in immense debt in regards to rent. Around this time, a friend started to come over frequently, we will call him Clingy.

Clingy was over when we picked my abuser up. My abuser was heated because I posted an ad-like Facebook post looking for someone to go to a Valentines dinner with, as he refused. He was constantly texting me, but I was on the phone, with my ex. I am aware of how bad this makes me sound, but I was reaching out to him for at least some happiness, but mostly advice on how to get out and get away from my abuser quickly and safely, without losing people I thought were my friends. I now realize I should have ditched not only my abuser, but his associates and "mutual" friends a long time ago. It would have made my life so much easier. My abuser then began to punch my bathroom door repeatedly, and throw things. Out of embarrassment and holding back tears and not wanting to spend another night with him, I packed my filthy jansport bag and left, quickly. Clingy then relayed this information to my abuser's brother and girlfriend, when they caught news of me refusing to leave him, they "cut me off". I felt so controlled and alone, and they simply did not understand, I could not leave my abuser, because I was scared of him. If I was going to leave him, it would have to be in a rush. I would simply have to go no contact, or I knew he would begin to tarnish my reputation and try to ruin my life.

Things became really bad when I had to buy his secret santa gift for a girl at his job, I virtually had no money left. I took him to the fancy hotel for his dinner, only for him to berate me for cleaning the house. While cleaning, I found a large butcher knife in my side of the closet. It was sticking out at a weird angle. I questioned him about this, half jokingly, because I thought it was funny, but I was still scared. Around this time, I could feel my brain "splitting" like I was transforming into somebody else. I simply was not myself and my friends recognized that too. They only lived 30 minutes way but I missed them so much.

My abuser was yet to actually invite his family over, including his brother and our mutual friend, his girlfriend, to the apartment. The first person he invited over was his ex, Jade. He invited her over multiple times, and always had some excuse for her to be over. I was never at the apartment during these times, but I was told "Jade and her Partner" came over. As me and Jade would go on to later connect, I discovered this was a lie. I had no issues with Jade coming over believe it or not, but if he did not have any nefarious purpose or reasoning for her being over, why did he blatantly lie to me several times about the time she was over and if her partner accompanied her or not. I surely heard about this from his (sadly) soon to be sister in law at my job, and she was a tad heated (but seriously, when wasn't she? I get tired of being around miserable and angry people). So I told my abuser this. Little did I know, his father, who was our neighbor, was acquiring the landlord to obtain two trespassing warrants, one against my abuser's mother, and another one against my abuser's older brother, who is of course from a different father, in regards to some drama that occurred on Facebook. Instead of being honest, he told me and Clingy this information, but would not reveal it to his family. My abuser told them I was "talking shit" about them and saying they all hated him, instead of simply telling them the truth, which of course brought me into it. He even crafted a lie that Clingy was the one telling me that his brother had an issue with him. I never said that, as Clingy did not rely any information like that to me. This caused a huge fight, and ended up with us fighting, due to something he started. I called his mom, talked stuff out with her, she made me feel loved and safe. I felt like I could trust her, and I told her that her son never hit me or laid a hand on me, but that we were just not getting along. She gave me the advice to take a break and work. it out. He complained to me that Jade said our ceilings were too low. I grasped him and said "why do you give a fuck what they think", and went in for a hug, he shoved me up against the wall and asked me why I had to be such a bitch all the time, even though he knew I meant what I said in an endearing way. At this point, I started to loathe Jade and her presumed snooty comments.

I came home, to him seething. We fought, and it ended up with me crying and trying to make it work. Looking back, I simply feel like such a fool. I truly loved this person and was fighting to make it work, but everything I said, he rerooted back into an argument about how I was a piece of shit. He called me a sociopath, and talked about how I was fake crying and turning my emotions on and off, when that really was not the case. Talk about self projection.

I suddenly quit caring. I was ready for a break, a vacation. We came to a mutual agreement that it was best for me to take a break. I remember I did shut off the "water-works" as he called them instantly, when I realized, I did not love this person anymore. I mentally clocked out. I began packing my stuff, and he berated me for packing too much. I ran away to my cousins house. When my abuser got this news, he was upset. He inquired why and how I could spend time with my cousin, and possibly drink, and not him, in regards to me not liking alcohol. I simply stated "Because he is my cousin, and I trust him".

No drinking was done that night, I sat on my cousins couch trying to feel like myself again, holding back tears, feeling like the world's biggest idiot for continuing to let these things happen to me. My abuser began texting me, as he obviously did not understand the entire concept of a break. My mothers car broke down, and whether my abuser liked it or not, she as now my main priority. Her car breaking down seemed to be a blessing in disguise however, as I now had a reason to live back with her and share a car, even then, I still planned to pay rent or half rent for the month of March. Like an idiot I went back, the next day. Even that 12-18 hours of freedom I had away from him was simply amazing. Not only was I no longer in love with this monster anymore, I had completely mentally clocked out. It simply felt like we were stuck in a difficult marital arrangement, one I desperately craved to escape from. I came home, he apologized, even tried to hug me, and complimented me on my looks. Two weeks prior, he did not want to have sex and complained about me being "hypersexual", I never once forced sex on him. From the first day of our first break, I was no longer sexually interested in my abuser at all. He made me feel gross, and it honestly disgusted me how I slept with someone who seemed to be horrible and abusive in anyway, he still tried to flirt and fondle me. but it was awful. It came to the point where I dreaded going back to that apartment to spend any amount of time with him, and it became increasingly difficult to do so due to my current vehicle arrangement.

We made up, and everything was okay, but I simply was not in love with him anymore, and was ultimately terrified of leaving. I came home from work once, and felt that disgusting familiar feeling. I felt like I was walking on eggshells, and trying to hide in the other room from him was like playing "the world's most dangerous game". Earlier in the day, while I was at work, he dropped a small cup of Marijuana into the toilet. That was his first complaint when I came home. I assured him it wasn't his fault, which led to him snapping at me. "Just because it isn't my fault, does not mean my weed is going to magically reappear" he stated in his evil snarky tone. I had made plans earlier to bring my childhood best friend over, who lived near my residence, but my abuser was really cramping that, and taking out his drug (nicotene, marijuana) related frustrations out on me. To this day, I still have never been around someone who relied on marijuana THIS badly. I ignored his mean comments and agreed to get him a THC pen, although it was late. I will never forget the stress and anxiety this night put me through. As we were driving to the shop, I had a bad gut feeling, I could feel my insides churning, I was on the verge of crying and I wanted to throw up. It was pure silence, until he stated "you do know these cost $40 right?". I knew exactly how much the pens cost, but at this point I did not care. I knew I had no money left after paying that month's rent. I let out a mousy "yea, I know", which ended with him yelling at me loudly and accusing me of making him feel bad purposely. We pulled into the shop, I gave him MY card, and watched him go up to the door. They were closed, but I was praying. In my head, I was praying, I was back to the little naive six year old church girl I once was, who prayed. I am a spiritual person, but not that spiritual or religious. Tears started streaming down my face, but I had to choke on my own saliva and quit crying quickly, or I would face his wrath. I offered to take him back to the apartment so he would not have to go into my area, because it bothered him so much because of Gaz. In my heart, I really just wanted to get rid of him and spend time with my childhood best friend. We will refer to that friend as Zed. We picked Zed up, who was happy. He knew something was off though, as I was not my usual happy self, and was acting very anxious, as I also kept begging him to find some of his Delta 8 gummies to give to crybaby so he would stop his tyrannical and abusive behavior. It was an awkward car ride back home, with my friend zed updating me on his health status and his seizure disorder. My abuser followed this up with a dead Cameron Boyce joke, and Zed was not happy.

At the apartment, Zed felt immensely uncomfortable. He is not really the type to feel insecure or uncomfortable, perhaps a little anxious maybe, but he knew something was off. I was scared to tell him, and I was even scared to whisper to him what exactly was going on. I put up such a front that I was happy, but I was not. My abuser grew increasingly annoyed with me and Zed telling childhood stories and events, and talking about old high school memories. Around this time, I even started to crack a smile, and for the first time in a month, I legitimately felt happy. My abuser quickly got up and went to leave the room, but at this point I did not care. I was no longer scared. Zed is 6'4, and I am not going to describe their weight in this context, but they are certainly not someone to mess with, but I have always seen them as a goofy gentle giant, and I feel my abuser was intimidated by his stance. My abuser walked back into the room, and accidentally knocked over his projector in the living room. He then threw his phone down and started swearing again, I was no longer calm and relaxed, and was anxious again, anxious of what was to come. He then pouted in our bedroom. I mouthed the words to Zed "Gaz was right he is CRAZY"! Zed used the bathroom and begged me to take him back home, upon entering the bathroom, he noticed our piss stained toilet and mocked my abuser's ability to aim. The bathroom and overall apartment only got worse when I wasn't there, and my abuser would constantly piss on the rim with the toilet seat up, at this point, I completely lost my voice and was scared to say anything. This fear would continue, I always made sure to call a male friend or family member (namely my cousin) on the phone when I entered and exited the apartment. At this point, I was paying for a vacation or getaway location, I was barely there, and only went there so my abuser would stop consistently accusing me of cheating on him. Zed and I rode around our county for what felt like hours, and even though I was exhausted, I did NOT want to go back to what I dare called home, I wanted to stop at my mother's and spend the night, but all of my belongings were at the apartment. When I came home, my abuser lightly accused me of cheating on him, and was sitting up wide awake seething, and at this point, he truly scared me. I did not end up sleeping good that night.

Our relationship got worse, at least for me. I assume I was just really good at faking it. I came home to him installing LED lights in our room, and he made them flash. It hurt my eyes, and he got mad I stated it. He stated "you see these lights, well they are staying on during sex". When he said that, I felt my stomach churn. How could someone who treated me so horribly and acted like I was such a terrible sight to look at, and a sex crazed monster even though he initiated nearly all of our sexual encounters, even think about or mention sex?" I thought. There was no way in hell I would ever be intimate with him again, I was still mentally clocked out by this point. I still truly felt trapped, we had more frequent "breaks", and everytime I was away from him, I felt happy. During these points in the break, I even considered cheating. I was going to get out of this relationship one way or another, and I even joked about faking my death to my mom.

I left my abuser on February 13th. We were officially split. I thought the split was amicable, but every time I tried to have an amicable split, he thought I would take him back. I left him after he became increasingly more rude to a Walmart cashier over a mistake he kept making. This was NOT the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. Before that, he rushed me around the store, and became increasingly frustrated with me because I ran into my female childhood best friend's current partner. We were catching up. She was pregnant at this time, so of course I wanted to see how my friend was doing. He did not like this. I will be elaborating further in a seperate post.

#abuse #relationshipabuse #long reads #toxic relationship #toxic behavior #domesticviolence #hurt #anxiety

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averagewriter-inthedark · 2 years

Text

Interview for Y/N L/N: Hotwire | Dysfunctional Quartet |TFATWS series

Set after the events of TFATWS

Series Masterlist | Main Masterlist

Pairings: Sam Wilson x Vigilante!reader (platonic/flirtatious), Bucky Barnes x Vigilante!reader (platonic/flirtatious), Helmut Zemo x Vigilante!reader (platonic/flirtatious)

Content warnings: profanity, mentions of blood & violence. banter, fluff, angst. Mentions of death. Past criminal behavior. Mentions of Deadpool and Daredevil. | roughly 2k+ words

Premise: In hopes of putting together a team to stop Hydra from gaining control after being underground for almost ten years, Agent Everett Ross interviews two Avengers and two criminals to hopefully complete the mission.

Read Sam & Buckys interview

Read Zemo’s interview

———

Audio + video file of Case #5130-5400: Interview for Y/n L/n aka Hotwire. Subject to review.

“Please have a seat, we will begin momentarily.”

“Can I ask a question before we begin?” *takes seat*

“Of course?”

“Are you going to take these handcuffs off me? I mean are they really necessary?”

“They’re for your protection as much as mine, Y/N.”

“I’m a hacker, buddy. Not some assassin—.”

“Your record here states that in twenty-eighteen, you broke into a high security prison facility where you tranquilized five guards and poisoned four members of the Ten Rings and one of them had their ear cut off.”

*Silence*

“Touché. In my defense, they started it. Doesn’t that paper also say that they stole my algorithm and planned to use it to access nuclear codes? I was just doing you a favor, plus it was my work they took. But that was years ago and it’s not like I have a chance to escape I mean you’ve got this whole room blocked off and dudes on every corner. Please?”

*nods to someone off camera* “Very well. But they will be placed again once we finish.”

“Noted.”

“Okay, I think it’s time we begin.” *presses record button* “Today’s date is April tenth, twenty-twenty-four. This is Agent Everett Ross of the Central Intelligence Agency here with the criminal hacker and vigilante Y/N L/N, better known as ‘Hotwire’, of Hell’s Kitchen, New York. This interview is being recorded and subject to review once concluded. Now, Y/N do you know why we’ve brought you here today?”

“Well it certainly wasn’t to have a drink and make small talk.”

“No, obviously. You’re here because we need to discuss some things that have happened within the last several years, including your current imprisonment. From there we will get to why we need your help on a little issue.”

“No offense, Agent Rossi, but talking about my past isn’t something I’m very open about. Obviously this isn’t just a little tea party about my record and the crap I’ve done, but you want my help and thats gonna cost you. My work didn’t happen without some sort of profit.”

*flips open papers* “We’ll discuss terms and conditions about a formal release or pardon once we conclude, Y/N.”

*Thinks for a moment* “Fine, blondie. Lead the way”

“Why don’t you start us off by introducing yourself. Your name, where you’re from, how your reputation came to be and anything else you’d like me to know.”

*Cracks fingers and leans onto table* “Well, the name is Y/F/N, as you already know. Born and raised in Hell’s Kitchen to parents who owned and operated a corner store. My uncle, who you probably already know about and his record owned a garage and I would help work on the cars every weekend when I wasn’t at the shop or in school. In middle school I developed a fascination with technology and code, which I ended up teaching myself. By freshmen year of high school, I was able to hack into any device or software within seconds of operating. I was a good kid growing up, a good student, with loving and hardworking parents. But that all changed.

“My first brush with the law happened at sixteen. Hell’s Kitchen is no stranger to crime, and unfortunately robbery is common. The store my family owned got broken into often, but it was always closed when that happened so no one was there. One night however, my parents and I were working late—wanting to stock up the shelves so they were ready in the morning. I was in the back room when I heard commotion, and when I looked at the cameras…..I saw the two men and my parents were on the floor.

“I knew where my dad hid the shotgun and pistol, so without thinking, I grabbed and loaded them. I watched them through the cameras and when the one dude started approaching the back where I was, I cocked the shotgun and pulled the trigger as soon as he opened the door. Of course the other one heard what happened and ran in our direction, so I took the pistol beside me, cocked it and unloaded the magazine one he was in my view.

“I didn’t have to check if they were alive. I stepped over them and ran to my parents. My mom was already gone, but my dad was heavily breathing and I held him until the ambulance came. The police where there and wanted my to stay obviously, but i told them to simply watch the cameras in the back and they would see what happened. My dad didn’t make it through surgery, so my uncle closed the shop down and took me in.

“I’m sorry—.”

“Eh, I’ve made my peace a long time ago. Anyway it was with my uncle that my criminal ways began. I didn’t know at the time he was operating an illegal business, and once he found out what I could do with computers and tech, well it was only a matter of time before he brought me into the business. I finished high school, got accepted to a small community college, worked in his garage, and did whatever he told me to.”

“Is that how you became acquainted with that Pool guy?”

“Oh Wade? He was an old buddy from a bar I used to frequent. We were friends first before him and I tagged teamed against low life’s. If he needed a favor, I was there and vice versa. He’s my homie for life, although I kinda hate him for giving me that God awful nickname.”

“Wait, ‘Hotwire’ was his idea.”

“I didn’t agree with that, Agent Rossi—.”

“That’s not my name—.”

“—let me make that clear. He knew of my talent when it came to cars and then he thought ‘hacking’ was similar to hot wiring cars. He drunkenly called me it at the bar one night and everyone heard, so it stuck. The man has two brain cells and one was having an aneurysm that day.”

*Awkward silence*

“Why don’t we discuss your recent imprisonment.” *Flips page*

“Here we go…”

“First, you managed to escape the facility you were housed at after being apprehended for what you did in twenty-eighteen. You managed to remain under the grid for almost two years, up until eight months ago. It says here you disabled the White House’s security system during a gala, which just so happened to be the same night a plan to kidnap the president was in progress….”

“It was just an awful coincidence, agent Ross. I was drunk and Wade triple dog dared me to. I didn’t even know there was a plan to kidnap the president! I just knew there was a gala happening and we were in the area so I thought it would be funny to disable the system so we could sneak in.”

“You were on the run and off the grid, and you wanted to sneak into a highly exclusive White House gala?”

“Again, I was blasted off my ass and probably crossed. Wade wasn’t thinking straight either—well honestly he’s not even straight so that’s probably why—.”

“Let’s get back on topic, Y/N.”

“Oh sorry.”

“Your sentence would have been life in prison without parole, but your attorney Matt Murdock was able to cut a deal for thirty max with the possibility of parole at fifteen for good behavior. How did he manage that?”

“He’s a really good lawyer. Also the little Devil knows to treat me right.”

“Are you blackmailing him?”

“Of course you would see it that way being you’re a government official, Mr. Everett. But do you know that secrets are just as valuable as freedom?” *Silence* “Anyway, yes that’s why I’m locked up. So now that we’ve caught up why don’t get to our regularly scheduled program…..which is why you need my help and what do I get out of it.”

“Right.” *Closes folder* “What do you know of the terrorist group Hydra?”

“I know they’ve been around since World War Two, Steven Rodgers fought against them, they kidnapped James Barnes and made him their plaything, infiltrated SHIELD decades ago—-and were really calling the shots until their demise ten years ago—and they’ve either gone underground or were disbanded. Haven’t heard much of them since all their info went public. I’m guessing though by your question and body language, that they’ve made a sudden appearance?”

“Do you think if you were given the equipment and resources, that you’ll be able to locate any and every facility currently being operated and anyone affiliated at the moment?”

“I’m offended, Ev. You’re lack in my skills is disheartening. I felt like we were having a moment earlier when you—”

“Please answer the question.”

“Of course I can. I just need the equipment and basic information, but it may take time. Hydra hasn’t been in the limelight in so long that they’ve probably had increases in their security and softwares, breaking the firewalls isn’t going to be piece of cake. But give me the time and resources then I should manage quite well.”

“Very well. I’ll need to speak to your attorney about terms and conditions, but we are willing to grant you a temporary, supervised release if you help up. We’ve gotten recent intel about Hydra, and we need to stop them before they are able to accomplish whatever goals they have and you’re the best there is when it comes to hacking and tracking. Will you help us?”

“Is this gonna be like a buddy-cop movie? Or an undercover heist? I mean there’s no way you’re just letting me out without some restrictions. Who’s going to be helping me on this little quest?”

“We’ve put together a small team. Everyone in this group either has had some sort of direct contact with Hydra, or possesses the abilities that could help the overall purpose of the mission. You won’t be the only, uh” *cough* “one with a questioning record on the team, but we’ve got two who are more than capable to watch the two of you.”

“Could you at least tell me who they are?”

“That depends will you help us?”

“Will I receive a full pardon when the jobs over if I do everything you ask?”

“We will need to talk to your attorney about that and it will be up for debate once the mission is complete and your contributions are reviewed. But for now you will be held here until the others arrive and then you’ll be temporarily released under their supervision.”

“I guess I really don’t have a choice then do I? Help you and hope you give me my freedom, or decline and get back to my four plain walls. I guess you have yourself a deal, Agent.”

*Hands shake and release* “Thank you, Y/N. You’ll be escorted to your reserved room for the time being until the others arrive. Then you’ll be briefed with them on your task. Good luck.”

*Stands from chair* “You didn’t say who’ll be attending the little quest, Agent.”

“Oh right.” *Flips page and holds out paper* “This is your team, but I’m sure you’ve heard of them one way or another.”

*skims over pictures* “Well fuck me.”

- Samuel Thomas “Sam” Wilson: Formerly the ‘Falcon’, currently ‘Captain America’. Affiliations: U.S.A.F, Avengers, S.H.I.E.L.D (formerly) | Current Status: Freelance Agent

- James Buchanan ‘Bucky’ Barnes: Formerly the ‘Winter Soldier’. Affiliations: U.S. Army, Avengers, HYDRA (formerly) | Current Status: Freelance Agent

- Colonel Helmut Zemo: Former Baron of Sokovia. Affiliations: Sokovian Armed Forces, EKO Scorpion (formerly) | Current Status: Apprehended

#dysfunctional quartet imagine #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes imagine #bucky barnes #sam wilson x reader #sam wilson #captain america imagine #baron zemo #Helmut zemo #baron zemo imagine #tfatws imagine #tfatws #vigilante!reader #hacker!reader #marvel fanfiction #avengers imagine #Everett Ross #Everett Ross imagine

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greensaplinggrace · 3 years

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So you mentioned in another post that you have some strong thoughts on Baghra, especially about how the story frames her as one of the good guys. I would love to hear about it.

@youremotionallystablefriend: I would love to hear you rant about Baghra if you feel like it (and haven’t already)! Personally I don’t think she gets enough constructive critique in the fandom for being the one that brought Aleks up and for the way she treated her pupils and especially Alina :/

Anon: Hello! I love your thoughts on the grisha books. I'm actually interested to hear your take on Baghra

@misku-nimfa: If you are up for it, I would love to read your thoughts on Baghra or your full critique of society in the Grishaverse. Your analysis is really well structured and interesting! ^.^

Anon: Hi! I saw your recent post and was wondering if you'd share more of your thoughts on Baghra?

---

Hello everyone! I was honestly very surprised to see so many people interested in my thoughts on Baghra? I'll share what I can, but please know that this is by no means a full breakdown of her character! It’s just some Thoughts I’ve had, and they’re mostly centered around show Baghra because that’s how I was first introduced to her character. Although IMO book Baghra might actually be even worse.

I’d like to preface this by saying that many of my issues with the treatment of Baghra as a character in fandom come from the wild double standard there seems to be regarding her and the Darkling. Darkling Antis and a vast majority of the people in this fandom who don’t like his character have a disturbing habit of absolutely ripping into the Darkling for all of his faults and then turning around and treating Baghra as some sort of pristine mother figure for the exact same shit.

They’ll talk about how badass she is, how strong she is, how they sympathize with her past (although they’ll continue to dehumanize the Darkling and refuse to sympathize with his own past) and sympathize with the fact that she has to deal with the Darkling (who’s always referred to as a monster she must corral or control, as if he is inhumane and beastly. These particular comments always take on the very distinct tone of victim blaming as well). They’ll laud her for all of these “powerful girlboss” moments as if they aren’t carbon copies of the Darkling’s own behavior - as if they aren’t things Baghra herself taught him. Which is why this is the wildest double standard of all to me, because every horrible action they praise Baghra for is something she taught the Darkling, and something they cannot stand to see in him as well.

It’s as if there’s a disconnect between their consumption of the literature when it comes to the two characters, and I’m of the opinion that it’s largely because Baghra is a woman and a mother and therefore infantilized in the fandom quite a bit. In fact, Bardugo herself often infantilizes many of her female characters in her writing. This is mostly through the process of excusing their terrible deeds, not allowing them to do anything remotely dark, or brushing any morally grey actions under the rug without ever touching upon them. Which puts me in the strange position of knowing I’m supposed to sympathize with Baghra for having to deal with the monster she’s created, and instead feeling resentful of the fact that this bitter woman is held up as this wise old strict teacher instead of the abusive mentor/mother she should have been.

Now, here’s what I said to make so many of you send me asks:

Last note, in reference to your first line, and also probably a pretty unpopular opinion. I do not like Baghra. And it legit has nothing to do with the Darkling or with Alina, I just don't like her "I'm going to hit you and berate you and emotionally abuse you and manipulate you and act like the good guy at the end of it" vibe she's got going on. At least Aleksander is acknowledged as the villain within the narrative. Idk wtf Baghra is on but it's absolutely wild to me that people aren't more critical of her actions. Which is, rather fortunately for you, another rant I will save for another post if anybody ever wants to hear it lol. (but like kudos to Baghra's actress. I loved the character as a character, I just don't like the way she's framed as a good guy. Weird. Uncomfortable. She literally set bees on the kids she was teaching).

This basically summarizes most of my thoughts on Baghra as a character and how she’s portrayed. I touched on it a bit above, but the way she’s able to get away with so much and not suffer under heavier critique is honestly baffling to me. There should be a lot more criticism of her out there in the fandom. This is the woman who abused her students and neglected her son. Although to be honest I don’t even know how to quite describe the emotionally neglectful yet unhealthily codependent bond she fostered in him from a young age. IMO, Baghra’s behavior around Aleksander is creepy, and I know she has a history that makes it more understandable, but it’s still incredibly disconcerting to witness.

But let’s get back on track! First of all, her students. Whom she physically, emotionally, and mentally abuses. She’s derisive, she’s insulting, she’s belittling. She works hard to strip them of any self confidence they may have. She uses pain as a means of triggering powers. And the strict teacher excuse doesn’t fly. The “it’s only a training method!” excuse is even worse. This is literal abuse she’s heaping on her students and it’s wretched.

The first thing she does to Alina when they first meet is insult her. Then she hits her. Then she kicks her out.

Second time they interact is a montage. Baghra hits Alina multiple times. She shames her. And then when Alina actually calls a light she tells her it’s not nearly enough, effectively wiping the smile off of her face and every sign of self confidence that had been building. Then we see the door to Baghra’s hut shut in Alina’s face. So now she has been bruised, battered, berated, stripped of all self confidence, and then banished again. As training methods go, this is not only entirely ineffective, but it’s also just abusive.

Then we get this interaction between Alina and her friends:

Marie: One time, Baghra released a hive of bees on me. Nadia: Worst part is, it worked. Marie: It really did. I could summon at will after that.

Which is fucking horrifying and not talked about nearly enough. That goes beyond hitting your students. Baghra used a fear tactic on a young girl to activate her powers. She literally tortured Marie to make her powers work.

Alina throughout this conversation is looking very disheartened. She’s lacking in any self confidence and the comment about the bees has clearly affected her. For someone who’s first words to Alina were “Everyone believes that you are the one. Come back when you believe it too,” Baghra doesn’t exactly seem keen on Alina actually believing she’s the one. If she did, she wouldn’t be stripping her of every positive emotion associated with sun summoning.

Let’s not forget that Baghra demeans Alina multiple times for her status as an orphan. How she utilizes what she knows of Alina’s emotional weaknesses to provoke her and discourage her and make her angry.

And then Baghra drugs her without consent. To take advantage of any information Alina gives her in that state. To use the way Alina reacts for her own ends.

Because why else would she say this?:

Alina: We planned to run away together. Baghra: You had plans. Perhaps he never did, because where is he now?

Which is, strangely enough, the same sense of isolation and separation from Mal and her past that Aleksander is attempting to foster. Weird how mother and son are both using the same manipulation tactics.

In fact, why does Baghra never tell Alina about the letters until she’s already engaged with Aleksander? Baghra must have known he was taking them. Alina talks about it enough. Baghra must have known he was isolating her from Mal. How could she not, when it’s revealed later that she has spies in the Little Palace collecting information on him? How could she not, when she knows he’s the villain from the beginning - when she knows he’s manipulating Alina?

Baghra knows, and yet she keeps the same lies Aleksander does and furthermore uses that information to make Alina feel even more isolated and weak. Baghra literally just piggy-backs on Aleksander’s manipulation and then exacerbates it. She wants Alina to feel no attachments to her past because she wants to use Alina as well. But for some reason, because this manipulation and treatment of Alina as some sort of tool is done by the woman who opposes the Darkling, it’s suddenly okay. As if it still isn’t the same terrible shit but with a different perpetrator. I mean damn, at least Aleksander feels something for Alina. Baghra’s just cold.

So, point by point. Baghra mentions how Mal doesn’t care for Alina, she mentions Alina’s failings constantly, she mentions Alina being an orphan, she constantly hits her, she guilts Alina about orphans dying, she works to instill a sense of isolation from her friends and her family.

And when Alina finally comes to Baghra, having decided to abandon her attachments to her past and her attachments to Mal, the words that ring in her head are Baghra's words - “needing anyone else is weak.” Which is honestly just a horrible sentiment in general, but an even worse one when considering how hard these people are working to detach Alina from anybody who can help her or give her an outside perspective.

Strangely, it’s also similar to this line:

The problem with wanting, is that it makes us weak.

...which is spoken by Baghra’s son. You know, the Darkling? Our big bad villain? The one Baghra raised?

Which gives me the impression that Baghra’s teaching methods with her students are really not that far off from the teaching methods she used on him as he was growing up. It’s a horrifying thought, and leads into my problems with her relationship with Aleksander.

First of all, show wise. What the fuck.

Aleksander: They’re punishing us for being Grisha. Baghra: Punishing you. You made him afraid. Now he wants you to fear him. Aleksander: I won a war for him. Baghra: And in doing so, started a war on us.

I get that she’s trying to convey how the king feels here, but it still feels incredibly victim blamey from a narrative standpoint. It isn’t Aleksander’s fault the king fears him when he used his powers under the King’s banner to help him win a war. Aleksander trusted this man who betrayed him and then betrayed his people, and we get a line from his mother, entirely unsympathetic, talking about how it’s his fault all of these people are dying.

Baghra: Where’s the girl, your healer? Aleksander: Dead. She died because of me. Baghra: She died because they always do. They’re not as strong as you and me.

Baghra’s use of the term ‘girl’ and ‘healer' here instead of Luda is pretty telling. She either doesn’t like Luda or doesn’t care for her. Either way, this is the woman her son loves, and Baghra talks about her so dispassionately. Then he comments on Luda’s death and there’s no reaction except to say that they always do.

Like, her son is literally broken up over here. Grieving. Desperate. Run ragged. Caged and hunted. Feeling guilty as hell. Mind running through a million different ways he could possibly save all of these people. And Baghra offers him nothing except a paltry “people die, get over it, we’re better than that, she didn’t matter anyway.”

Honestly, how is Aleksander even still functioning at this point? He has no support system and he’s working against a king and his army to protect a group of civilians he could easily abandon to save himself. The sheer amount of responsibility and mental strain keeping track of a group alone entails is already monstrous, but adding in every other factor? The recent death of Luda, the fact that they’re cornered and they’ve been hunted down while fleeing across the land, the fact that he was just a couple hours ago forced to his knees and entirely at these men’s mercy, begging for Luda’s life. And here his mother is, if anything a negative support system. Offering no other ideas, telling him to give up hope, not even offering the barest smidgeon of emotional support as he grieves, putting everything on his shoulders.

It pisses me the fuck off.

Aleksander: You’re the one who taught me how to kill, mother. Their blood is on your hands as much as mine. Baghra: I taught you so you could protect yourself. Not them.

Once more, Baghra highlights how he needs to protect himself. How he should abandon the people he’s protecting. How he shouldn't help others and only ever himself. Once more, she says it’s my way or the high way. There’s zero effort to work with him. Zero effort to sympathize or compromise. She’s constantly pushing him to take the one option she knows he won’t take. The hell did she think was going to happen?

Also, Baghra taught him how to kill. Not necessarily great parenting, but understandable given the circumstances of his upbringing. But the level to which she takes it is honestly concerning. Like, look no further than this woman to see where Aleksander got it from lol.

Baghra also forbids him from using Merzost. Which is great and all, she gets to claim the moral high ground. But she doesn’t offer a single alternative except to flee and let everybody die. There was legitimately no other option to Merzost except for torture and death. If there was, Baghra sure as hell didn’t help Aleksander come up with one. Aleksander, who - by the way - is in no fit emotional state to be making any kind of decision right now.

So anyways, that’s just my tv show grief regarding Baghra, and it’s not even really all of it. I don’t want to make this an hour long read though lmao. But I’ll go over a few other things.

First of all, Baghra’s whole “We’re the only two that matter. We have to do whatever we can to protect ourselves,” mentality is one that she actively touts to Aleksander on a regular basis when he’s incredibly young. It’s honestly a wonder he grows up to care about other people at all. But the mentality itself is something Aleksander still heavily internalized in regards to protecting himself and those he deems worthy at any cost.

There’s a moment in the books when Aleksander is attacked and nearly drowned by some kids who wanted his bones (one of which was a close friend of his). He uses the cut in self defense and then blames the nearby Otkazat’sya village. Baghra knows he’s lying, and yet she allows an entire village to get slaughtered for harming him. This is a disproportionately violent act that Baghra approves of, and Aleksander as a kid is definitely internalizing that mindset.

Also, Baghra’s behavior around Aleksander has always been weirdly possessive and controlling. Especially when it comes to the people he loves. Her actions often come across as her trying to isolate him in order to keep him by her side, even when the relationships he has are clearly intimate. Which... is especially strange for a mother to be doing to her son.

She was also an extremely emotionally neglectful mother. Based on the show and what I gathered from her actions there, I’m actually half convinced she was physically abusive as well, in that “I think I’m being a stern, good parent figure when in reality I’m actually harming my child” kind of way. She fosters codependence with her son and then refuses to provide for any of his emotional needs. She drives it into his head that everybody dies, that he’ll always be alone, that love is useless and power is everything. She denies him the opportunity to be soft and works to harden him at a young age. She tells him he must never allow people to touch him, except she doesn’t work to supplement those physical needs in any way. She essentially abuses him.

Honestly, I could go on. But in reality the simple fact is that I just don’t like her. I think she’s a hypocrite. I think she’s abusive. I think she’s a terrible mentor and an even worse mother. And I think the fandom and the books are willing to brush aside so many of her faults simply because she opposes the Darkling.

I’m sorry if this isn’t what you guys were looking for! It sounds like a lot of you wanted a more of a sophisticated breakdown, but my thoughts on Baghra come with a heap of emotional baggage lol. It feels weird to say this now, but I actually do like the character as a character, I just,,, don’t like her in every other aspect. My feelings on Baghra are just a bit personal, to be honest. But hopefully this was at least comprehensible??

#shadow and bone #sab #grishaverse #anti leigh bardugo #anti baghra #baghra critical #sab spoilers #demon in the wood spoilers #aleksander morozova #sab meta #the darkling #fandomcourse #myramblings #leigh bardugo critical #mymetas #anti darklina bs #please dont hate me for this #aaahhhh now im worried #Yikes

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dracowars · 3 years

Note

can i request an imagine im so sorry if it’s too long for your liking but could it be a pureblood slytherin reader x draco imagine where the reader and draco are dating but after some bad news from home (maybe she doesn’t have the kindest parents like draco) she distances herself from everyone and keeps zoning out and finds herself astronomy tower thinking really dark thoughts but draco has constantly been watching over her and is super worried and maybe they have an argument at the tower and draco gets stupid and says something mean or even is dumb to think to accuse her of cheating at the end in which the reader maybe either slaps him (for dramatic effect) or if that’s too much she just says it’s over between the two and she walks off and draco is shocked and tries to stop the reader but she’s already gone and she doesn’t show up to breakfast or lunch and maybe in their class they learn about the boggart again and since they’re older their fears have changed and maybe the reader isn’t paying attention and she’s brought up to test her boggart and it’s draco saying those same things and maybe her parents come out as well and it’s essentially that draco’s unkind words are her fear because it’s the last straw for her until everything breaks because she was holding onto him and she runs out of class and class is dismissed because no one wants to go after that and the reader skips dinner and can be found in moaning myrtles bathroom having a panic attack and she gets really frustrated and hits the the sink really hard to feel something and you can hear myrtle begging the reader to stop and maybe someone sees her and runs to draco to get help but draco runs to the bathroom she’s not there anymore and he finds her at the astronomy tower feeling numb and he overhears her talking to herself and it ends in fluff because he can’t lose her and he figures out it’s probably her parents pressuring her too much again and he can relate because of his and they get back together and it’s just really fluffy at the end maybe they sneak in the kitchen for a quick minute dinner since the reader didn’t eat and draco has to be really kind to the elves heheh

darkness | draco malfoy

pairing: draco x slytherin!reader

word count: 3,1k

summary: where y/n's parents make her life a living hell and draco doesn't really help

a/n: normally i do not write about things like this but i actually really liked the request so i wrote it anyway. i don't mean to offend anyone with this if i misrepresented something, i did my best to get familiar with the topic <3

warnings: angst, major mental health issues including dark thoughts and self-doubt, hints of su*c*de, mentions of blood, cursing, very sensitive topics in general

universe: harry potter

The cold wind blows through your hair and makes it swirl around the air and into your face, goosebumps spreading all over your body at the sudden coldness. To prevent your hair from flying around, you tame your hair with a hair tie, your gaze fixed straight ahead while your face is illuminated by the setting sun.

You really missed this place during the holidays. The astronomy tower.

Whenever you are stressed from doing a lot of homework or studying in general, this is the place you can hust go to and are somehow always able to relax. The view is breathtaking and you love to watch the sun - or the moon, depening on what time of the day you find yourself up here - shine.

And this special place also gives you the security that you so urgently needed.

The winter holidays were a living hell for you. You have extremely strict parents who see a great importance in your education, but that is basically the only thing that interests them about you. That you bring honor to your pureblood family. That they can proudly show you off to other pureblood families even though they know nothing about you and who you really are.

Until recently they did not even know that you are in a relationship. Unfortunately, one thing led to another and they found it out by an unlucky coincidence which consisted of them picking you up at platform 9¾ for the very first time since you have been at Hogwarts. There they saw you with a platinum haired boy, kissing.

This boy turned out to be Draco Malfoy, the son of the pureblood Malfoy family, who you parents cannot stand at all. To put it in other words, they loathe each other to death and that for probably no reason, at least you have not been able to figure it out yet.

So of course they were not very thrilled that you are in a relationship with a Malfoy, which they showed you straight away. They locked you inside of your room at home because you had to 'think about your actions and their consequences'.

However, when they realized that their behavior would not change anything, they began to put you down. They threw the worst swear words at you, wanted to force you to break up with him and told you what a terrible shame you are for your family. That Draco could never love you and that you are ugly, cheap and overall useless. That is how it went on for your whole vacation.

Your parents always treated you this way, it was not new to you. Nevertheless it hurts every time, even if you try to hide it. You would rather keep all the pain inside of you than to tell others about it, because they are not able to help you anyway. Unfortunately, you did the math without your boyfriend.

This morning at the Central Station of London, Draco immediately saw that you were not feeling well. Any attempts to get you to tell him what is going on with you had been useless though so he left you alone at some point, but you still noticed how he kept staring at you for the whole train ride to Hogwarts.

You would love to tell him, tell him about everything, but something inside of you is stopping you from doing so. An invisible barrier inside of your head, probably fear, that you simply cannot overcome. You know that Draco's parents are pretty similar to yours, but still you just cannot manage to talk to him and you notice how it slowly but surely destroys your deep bond with one another.

Continuing to look into the distance and watch the clouds encircle the beautiful setting sun, which colors the sky in reddish colors, your thoughts suddenly wander to gloomy places. Dark places where you usually only go to when you are locked inside of your own room at home.

But now they are even attacking you at your safest place.

You perfectly know yourself that you are not good enough for Draco. You do not deserve this incredibly great person as your boyfriend. You do not even deserve him as a best friend, no, you do not deserve him at all. You are worthless and for him you are nothing more than one girl out of many.

And still you keep on being selfish and do not end it.

Completely lost in your own dark thoughts, you do not even notice at first how the tears are already streaming down your cheeks like waterfalls. Sniffling, you rub your eyes, smeer your discreetly applied mascara, and wipe the tears from your face.

"Why am I still doing this to myself?", you sob and lower your head, looking deep down at the grounds of Hogwarts. The tears that are enriched with pain flow out of your eyes and fall into the dark depths, causing you to slowly close your eyes.

The sudden mention of your name from behind you makes you abruptly breathe out in shock and your head jumps up as you turn around. Your eyes lock with the gray, sparkling eyes of your boyfriend, who is currently looking at you with pity.

"W-What are you doing here, Draco?", you sniff and wrap your arms around your body in an attempt to hide from him so he does not have to look at you.

"Why are you crying?", he asks, ignoring your question, and before you can realize, he is already standing right in front of you and gently places his hands on your tear stained, puffy cheeks. Gently wiping away your tears with his thumb, he searches your eyes for answers that can explain your current terrible condition. He cannot bear to see you like this, so fragile and deeply hurt.

Whatever happened, he will make sure you know that he is and always will be here for you. And he will not let, whatever it is, continue to hurt you so badly.

"If you do not tell me, then I cannot help you", he softly whispers and brushes the strands of hair behind your ear that have escaped from your ponytail in the wind and then carefully lifts your head so you have to look him in the eyes.

"It's nothing", are the only words you get out, your throat thightening, but all you would like to do is to just finally tell him about everything.

"Do you even realize how worried I am about you, Y/N?! It is killing me!", Draco suddenly raises his voice at you, causing you to flinch and take a step back, your back now touching the railing. Noticing the power of his words, he sighs and looks to the ground in shame.

Your head processes his facial expression and his gestures and again makes you believe that his sadness is your fault. By not being able to control your stupid feelings, you hurt him.

"I-I really have to go", you stutter out and quickly run past him, pressing your coat around your body.

"Have fun with Blaise then", you hear him say and you abruptly stop in your motion. Not fully understanding the words he just said, you turn to him.

"What?", you ask with not more than a breath coming out, hurt evident in your expression as he suddenly stomps in your direction furiously, a disgusted look on his face while he looks into your eyes.

"Don't act stupid now, Y/N! You hardly speak a word to me anymore, you avoid body contact, you are totally dismissive in general and you can't even look at me anymore! Why do you not just admit that you are cheating on me?!", Draco accuses you out of nowhere, not knowing what he is even saying himself, and you could swear that at this very moment your heart has finally burst into a thousand splinters and your last hold has now completely disappeared.

Losing the control over your body for a second, your hand lands on his cheek with full force. There is a dead silence before you just turn and leave, leaving him behind on the astronomy tower. You can hear him say your name after you, but you block it out and run down the stairs, crying, your vision blurred.

Missing one of the last stairs in your hurry, you fall down onto the cold floor. You get up again as quickly as possible when you hear steps behind you and you run. You run for your life while you disappear into the endless corridors of Hogwarts, making your way to your dorm.

The next morning your eyelids stick together from all the crying and you have a aching headache. You did not close one eye that night and just laid there crying in your bed silently until at some point there were no more tears.

In front of the door of your prefect dorm room, you can hear how the other students are leaving your house on their way to breakfast, but your stomach makes a flip when you only think about food. That is the reason why you decide to stay in your warm, safe and comfortable bed a little longer and to skip breakfast, which is unnecessary anyway. Avoiding other people seems like the best idea for you right now.

Just in time for the beginning of your first lesson of the long day, you made it out of your bed and are now sitting in Defence Against the Dark Arts with Professor Snape.

Your thoughts are whirling around in your head and you do not understand a single word Snape is saying in front of the class, even if you are really trying your best to understand him. Furthermore does it not help your concentration that you see how Draco keeps staring at you from across the room out of the corner of your eye. However, you do not have enough strength for this anymore after a while and therefore focus your gaze out the window at the rising sun.

At least you are distracted until all of the students get up from their seats all of a sudden and you only watch them confused until you notice that they are only waiting for you to join them and you quickly walk, almost stumbling, to them. Ignoring the looks and laughter of everyone, you play around with the hem of your grey Slytherin sweater and ignore them while doing so.

"Well then, let us begin. Ms. Y/L/N, would you please do us the honor and start", Snape clears his throat as you look at him in shock, noticing by the expression on his face that he definetely knows that you did not listen to him at all and have not been present with your mind.

Since you do not have a chance to defy yourself anyway, you nod and go to the position he points at in front of an old, dusty closet. With confusion all over your face, you switch between looking at Professor Snape and the cabinet as he suddenly opens the door and you take a big step back, startled to death.

"Have fun with Blaise then", Draco spits in your face disparagingly and is now slowly walking towards you after stepping out of the cupboard, increasing your pulse. The tears find their way back into your eyes right away while you just keep looking at him petrified, frozen in your spot.

"Why do you not just admit that you are cheating on me?!", he yells at you again and your vision becomes more and more blurred, your ears start to beep while he shouts at you, bringing back the painful memories of yesterday.

"No! Please don't leave me, Draco!"

It is like you are back on the astronomy tower again, your hair blowing in the wind as he steps towards you. In the next moment he is gone all of a sudden and instead of him, two other people are now in front of you.

"You are a shame for our whole family, you stupid brat", your father insults you and you fall onto your knees, holding your hands against your head in pain.

"Stop it! Please!", you beg them, but of course they do not stop, they only make their words worse.

"Draco can never seriously love someone like you. I mean, look at you! You are less worthy than dirt", your father tells you and your entire body is now trembling when you finally see a black cloak in front of your eyes and your parents vanish into thin air.

"Please stay with me", you choke through your tears, words addressed to Draco who had to watch the scene in front of him with pure horror in his eyes.

Breathing heavily, you look up at Professor Snape, who looks at you in disbelief, but as your eyes wander around the room to see everyone staring at you, your legs automatically carry you out of the classroom in the next moment, unable to bear their burning glances.

You run down the empty corridor with a faint vision in search of a safe place to hide until you arrive at one of the girls' bathrooms and rush in, not thinking about someone possibly being in there.

Slamming the door shut behind you, you stumble to the sinks with trembling knees and support all of your weight with your hands on either side of one sink as your legs fail beneath you. Clinging to the edge of the sink, you cry bitterly. The cold walls of the bathroom echo your crying several times, allowing you to hear your own pain.

"What is wrong, Y/N?", you hear a soft voice next to your ear and when you look up it is none other than Myrtle. Apparently of all places you ended up in her bathroom and are not as alone as you wished for.

"I am fine", you say with a monotonous voice, forcing yourself into an upright position, but literally everyone would see that you are definetely not fine, even a ghost.

"Y/N. You look anything but okay. Can I somehow help you-"

"Just leave me alone!", you angrily yell at her and lose control of your body, only seeing a thick, red substance running over your hand when it is already too late. Broken pieces of glass lie around you on the floor, which flew through the air when your fist hit them and inflicted small wounds on your face.

"You need to stop, Y/N!", Myrtle commands, but you do not listen and let yourself fall onto the floor, kicking your foot against the sink and thereby unintentionally loosen one of the old pipes. The sound of flowing water fills the room, surrounding your body on the floor.

On the edge of passing out, you lie in the cold water and stare at the ceiling while Myrtle has disappeared without a trace.

What you do not know, however, is that Myrtle is already on her way to find help and comes across Draco, who is running back and forth through the hallways while searching for you.

It takes Draco a moment to understand Myrtle's fast explanation, but when he does he runs into the direction of the girls' bathroom without hesitation. He rushes through the door into the flooded bathroom and all he sees is the broken mirror and the slightly reddish puddles in the water.

But he does not find you in there and realizes that there can only be one place where you could be.

Walking through the corridors of Hogwarts at lightning speed, he finally reaches the staircase leading to the astronomy tower and goes them up in no time. Once he arrives at the top, he abruptly stops when you come into his field of vision.

There you are, completely broken, leaning your head against the railing, your knees closely drawn to your body while your painful crys echo through his ears.

"Why did you not listen to your parents, you disgusting piece of daughter", you talk to yourself, not noticing that you are not alone any longer. With your already injured hand you hit the pole of the railing once, immediately regretting it as the pain spreads through your body.

However, your gaze lands on a person standing directly ahead and your eyes widen, but unfortunately you lack the strength to stand up, to yell at him, or to resist as he slowly sits down next to you.

Neither of you say a word, but it does not take long before he gently takes you into his strong arms, providing you with the support you needed so badly, so you can cry while he strokes over your hair. He whispers repentances in your ear over and over again. That he regrets his words, that he takes them back and that he was such an idiot.

"You are so wonderful", he confirms and gives you a kiss on the forhead, careful not to scare you away, continuing to stroke your upper arm with his hand.

"Do not believe in what your parents told you, angel. I will stay with you", he shakily breathes and has to pull himself together to not let a tear slip out of his eyes at any moment. "I am sorry that I let you down."

His last few words pull a trigger inside of your head and suddenly everything pours out of your mouth at once. Your fears, your worries. Everything your parents ever said or did to you. You finally tell him about all of it now, even though you should have done it much earlier.

"I love you more than anything, Y/N. You are my world and the reason I live. Never let anyone make you think that I do not love or deserve you, especially not your parents", Draco explains to you sincerely as you stare at him, exhausted but happy.

You slowly put your head on his shoulder and close your eyes, letting the good and bright drown out all of your dark and bad thoughts. Meanwhile, Draco carefully examines your injured hand before scooping you up into his arms while standing up.

"No matter how much you hate me right now, you have to eat something", he tells you, but you do not answer and just enjoy his close presence while you wrap your arms tightly around his neck, letting him carry you away.

If he had known how terrible you were feeling earlier, he would have done something much sooner. He should have been more pushy and not let you get away with a simple 'i am fine'. But now that he knows, he definetely learned from it.

And Draco would have never forgiven himself if he had let you just go like that.

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kstewdeux · 3 years

Text

@inukagfluffweek

August 14, 2021 - Family

Sure

Summary: Inuyasha & Kagome discuss starting a family

“Knee,” Kagome whined softly as her foot prodded her husband’s leg so it would go where she wanted, “Knee Inuyasha.”

With a tired sigh, Inuyasha slid his foot up until it rested comfortably against his thigh and adjusted his hips so falling asleep in that position wouldn’t make him lock up. It was a tried and true ritual. One that he didn’t mean to perpetuate but Kagome was always the last one to go to bed. Always. So by the time she changed and brushed her hair and washed her face and did whatever else she felt inclined to do, he was typically asleep in a position he found comfortable. Kagome told him he slept like a vampire but having met and fought vampires Inuyasha had no idea what she was talking about. Besides, he didn’t know why it had always seemed to matter how he slept. Sitting up had just been how he’d done it for over a hundred years and even though three years had gone by, he still wasn’t used to those while laying down business. Having a body trained not to move wasn’t ideal for laying down and he usually woke up stiff. His muscles locking up for absolutely no reason out of habit. Sitting up, having muscles that locked was useful. Not so for how the rest of the world went down for the night.

Still, Kagome slept laying down. Always had. Always would. And he planned on sleeping next to her for the rest of her hopefully long life. Which killed the monk. Even occasional overnight exorcisms were out of the question. Sunup to sundown only.

“That better?” he yawned and Kagome nodded against the arm she was using as a pillow while Inuyasha’s hand absently played with tendrils of her hair.

One of the things he liked best was that in this position he could feel her ribs expand with each breath and the steady rhythm was soothing. Every couple found a sleeping position that worked for them it would seem and with his primary issue being hardwired survival anxiety, a cuddling position where no backs were being exposed worked best.

Problem with this position was that it’d make co-sleeping with an infant dangerous. Not that…that they were trying or even planning on having brats. Hell, they’d never spoken about it but by some unspoken understanding, they’d been careful. Kinda. Sometimes. Okay, fine, mainly they’d been whinging it and been lucky as hell.

But…you know…maybe one day…

Lips twitching upward, Inuyasha allowed himself to imagine what their own puffy blob of flesh would look like. Newborn babies…well they weren’t exactly the cutest things in the planet. More they looked like boiled prunes - both in color and looks. And the screams. But once they hit a few months old they definitely started looking more like tiny people and you could start seeing the parents. From a strangers perspective anyway. Miroku’s twins had always looked identical but they went through phases and who they favored depended on which parent was standing closest….

God he hoped whatever they had one day - not that he was even sure they’d have babies - was a girl. He’d make a decent looking boy or girl. After all, minus the coloring, he looked just like his mother who had been very pretty. Kagome…Kagome would only make a pretty girl. Sota sure as hell didn’t look like her though so maybe there were some okay looking boy genes in there but Inuyasha for the life of him could not imagine what a Kagome-looking boy would even be.

Nah. If they did one day have a…

“Why you purring?” Kagome hummed bemusedly in such a way that left him powerless to stop said noise. A noise that he’d only discovered he made since she fell back into his life. At first it bothered him that she called the chest growl thing a ‘purr’ but seeing as how he didn��t have a better name, he just rolled with it.

“Dunno,” he laughed softly.

“What were you thinking about?” Kagome hummed as she slowly and awkwardly began trying to roll towards him - something which had the purring noise stop immediately. It didn’t matter that his brain knew they were safe and there was no need to worry about being exposed. His body though….was hard wired to worry.

She froze.

“I didn’t…”

“S’not the question. It’s the stupid back thing,” Inuyasha reassured her wearily before running one hand over his face, “Look, I was thinking about us having kids, alright?”

The slow smile that bloomed on her lips as she sat up brought the soft purring sound back.

“And what were your initial thoughts?” Kagome asked curiously and the purring sound intensified.

“How newborns look like meat sacks,” he offered as he stretched his legs out and yawned, “And how they’re loud. And obnoxious. And how they shit everywhere…”

“Ah but said things made you happy,” Kagome observed and shrugging, Inuyasha didn’t deny it. Couldn’t anyway given the vibrations rumbling from his chest. Well, that was what they assumed it meant anyway. Could be he was dying or something. Wouldn’t that be the final kick in the balls.

“Thinking about it and living it are two different things. Reality is I’d fuck them up,” Inuyasha countered with an ill-checked half-grin, “You’d have to go around fixing them all the time.”

“You’d be a good daddy,” Kagome soothed as she lay back down and stared up at the ceiling - allowing Inuyasha to fully relax by covering her back. She never really thought of Inuyasha as the anxious type but apparently that was his secret to surviving so long and once they’d figured it out and pinned down his triggers to better avoid them, he’d actually been significantly less…grumpy. In fact, he could be downright pleasant most of the time.

Miroku and Sango had told her on more than one occasion that Inuyasha seemed, at times, like a completely new person. In public, he was still by and large snippy and obstinate but among friends and in private, his natural state of being sans anxiety was much more Kagome-like than any of them previously believed. Looking back, he had always seemed to find comfort in being around others but he was never what anyone would call sensitive or attune to emotional needs of others. In recent months, however, he’d been surprisingly observant, kind and gentle.

Well, actually it wasn’t all that surprising. The gentleness yes but the rest of it? No. Every time one of them lost it during the quest, Inuyasha was always the one who stepped up and did exactly the right thing to bring his friends’ minds back to center. In fact, his brand of abrasive encouragement was what saved their souls from being devoured by the moth demon’s trap. Whenever any of them felt like giving up, Inuyasha had been the one to encourage them to keep going. In some ways Inuyasha was so forgiving it was beyond understanding. For all his insults and for all his aggression, Inuyasha could be…damningly gracious. Kikyo being, well, Kikyo. Sango stealing his sword. Miroku trying to kill him. Shippo pulling trick after trick. None of those things ever drove him away.

That wasn’t to say Inuyasha didn’t get irritable or react poorly when said things happened but he did tend to let things go eventually and truly act like nothing happened. And his brand of love was protection and providing so there was that too.

So maybe it wasn’t all that surprising that being kind and gentle was his calm state of being. Now that he was more comfortable and no one was in imminent danger of dying a horrible, painful death; now that Kagome had been returned to him and everything worked out, how his natural being manifested was different was all.

But his anxiety still did rear it’s ugly head on occasion. New things. Unexpected things. Any slightly uncomfortable thing and he’d instantly snap his abrasive behavior back into place. There were also his triggers of course but those could be negated.

For example, he never slept with his back exposed and now that Kagome was, sorta, an extension of himself, his body decided to make him skittish at night if she too was left ‘open to attack.’ Not fun for anyone involved - the amount of twitching alone had kept them both awake until they figured out the issue.

“Don’t know how to be a father,” he sighed sadly - the purring sound grounding to halt, “So maybe…maybe kids isn’t something we should do. What…what if I hurt them? They won’t be like me. They’ll be mostly human. I’ll be too rough.”

“No because of that fear, I imagine you’d treat them like they might shatter,” Kagome pointed out and with that, Inuyasha reached over to intertwine their fingers.

“I could turn one day. You…or they might get hurt and I’ll make it worse,” he offered in a small voice, “I’m dangerous. I shouldn’t…and what if they can’t control what I give them? What if they’re born and…and they’re just like that all the time?”

Turning her head to look at his defeated face, Kagome sighed and waited for him to look at her. When he did, the worry mixed with longing made her heart ache. He wanted kids. That much was clear from his expression as was the fact that he didn’t trust himself.

“Inuyasha, I always bring you back, don’t I?” she pointed out and with a faint nod of acknowledgment, her statement seemed to soothe some of the anxiety that needed checking, “And our baby will be part me too. So it’ll have both….”

“It could purify itself. Hurt itself,” he countered shakily, “And we’re happy just the two of us. What if I’m a bad father and you end up hating me? What if it ends up being a mistake? Ruins everything?”

“I will never abandon you,” Kagome promised as she brought his hand up to her lips and gave his thumb a quick kiss, “Never.”

A nod and a relieved sigh. Like he knew that to be the case but wanted to hear it anyway. There was still some tension though which meant his fears hadn’t been addressed completely and so Kagome waited for him to continue. It had taken a few months but anymore he discussed everything with her. From feelings to fears to his past. The only thing off the table was Kikyo but that was more her hang up than his.

From his perspective, he found himself much lighter when he heard her opinion rather than just imaging what she was thinking. His inner monologue was usually depressing and rather cruel. Always assuming everyone hated him or was upset with him in some way. That everyone thought the worst. How he needed to receive love was verbal affirmations. Kagome would’ve thought it was touch but she discovered words were much more effective. What would’ve happened if she just told him back then how deeply he was loved? But, alas, she didn’t and it didn’t matter. In fact, that would’ve been worse. What if he achieved this and then had her taken away?

“I mean, do you want kids? You’ve never really said…” Inuyasha asked wearily and Kagome knew if she said yes, he’d do whatever she wanted. Even if it terrified him.

No. This needed to be his choice. His decision.

“What do you want?”

For a long moment, he was quiet before he swallowed and closed his eyes.

“I think you want them,” he answered evasively before pulling up one knee and fidgeting slightly, “And I don’t know. I want…I want, you know, the type of things Sango and Miroku have with their brats. And what I had with my mother before she got sick. I want someone to…to…you know, there’s just some type of connection. I…I wouldn’t mind being a brat’s person.”

“Their person?” Kagome asked curiously and Inuyasha let out a long sigh as he swayed his knee.

“Like…like you know they’ll take care of you. You scrape your knee. They fix it. You get hungry, they give you snacks. You get sad and just…just they….,” Inuyasha floundered before seemingly choosing a word to describe what he meant, “A helper. I wouldn’t mind being their helper.”

“You’d be the best helper,” Kagome sighed affectionately and Inuyasha eyes fluttered open.

“You really think so? I don’t have the…the warm thing going…”

Nodding, Kagome gently rolled onto her side and scooted her back against his torso. Like clockwork, he assumed their former position and sighed contentedly.

“You…” she belatedly started to address his comment but he was already off to the races.

“I could work on that though. You know, with the twins,” Inuyasha opined hopefully - like he was trying to convince her that he could be a good father and encourage her to say yes, “See…see if I could get better at the whole…whole warm thing. I bet I could get the hang of it in a month or two. I mean look at how fast I mastered Tessaiga. You wouldn’t have to worry about…about me scarring the kid.”

“That has never been a concern,” Kagome chided affectionately earning a frustrated grunt. Oh yeah, he was trying to get her to just make the decision or convince her to just agree with his decision. A decision he’d clearly already made.

“Inuyasha, I know you’d be a great daddy,” Kagome finally yawned - earning a faint blush, “But don’t push yourself just because you think I want this. I only want babies if you do too. I’m honestly okay either way.”

She felt him inhale deeply.

“I think…I think I’ll see if…if I can do the warm thing then we can decide,” Inuyasha hummed before adding hesistantly, “I think I can do it but I wanna be sure.”

“I…”

“I mean, I’m pretty sure I could do it,” Inuyasha continued to think out loud, “But I just want to be sure, ya know? And I want you to be sure I’m good for it.”

At this, Kagome laughed softly despite herself - the hand by her head sliding up to cup his. Curling her fingers between his fingers, she pressed her fingertips against his palm.

“I know you can do…”

“J-just think about it,” Inuyasha interrupted shakily as he gave her hand a light squeeze “A-and I’ll think about it. And we can…talk about it when we’re sure.”

The miko grinned and replied with a soft laugh, “Sure.”

“Will you be mad if I…I think about it and say no?” he asked hesitantly and Kagome shook her head - making some of the tension seep out of him. For a long time, he was quiet and Kagome was just about to pass out when she heard his voice - small and timid - whisper those three little words he didn’t say that often.

“I love you. You know that, right?”

“I know. You show me all the time,” she affirmed and with a timid half-smile, Inuyasha flexed his hand ever so.

“Just want to make sure you know…”

“I do.”

“And you still love me, right?”

“Always.”

“Okay. Just want to make sure…”

#inukag fluff week 2021 #inukag #fanfiction #fanfic #ao3 #inuyasha #writing #kagome #inukag fanfic

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barnesbabee · 3 years

Text

𝓹𝓵𝓪𝔂 𝓭𝓪𝓽𝓮 - 𝓽𝓮𝓷

|| ᴍᴀꜱᴛᴇʀʟɪꜱᴛ || ⇜ᴘʀᴇᴠɪᴏᴜꜱ - 10 - ɴᴇxᴛ⟿

⟿ ꜱᴜᴍᴍᴀʀʏ: No sensible person would turn down their boss if they looked good as good as Seonghwa. But maybe they would wish they had…

⟿ ᴄᴏɴᴄᴇᴘᴛ: CEO!Seonghwa x reader, bestfriend!Yunho x reader || Social Media!AU

ᴛᴀɢʟɪꜱᴛ: (send me a DM or an ask to be added) @ateezappreciation @shinyddeonghwa @lilithpooped @cloudyyeonnie@yeosangmystar @wooyoung-a @sanisms @mingismoon @lovelyvitamin @anawwyd @annasbannas @im-just-trying-to-survive-man @uglychildd @oddlittlefandomist@pirateland @jin-neck-shaft @lovelyvitamin

"Seonghwa I was kidnapped."

"What the fuck."

--------------------

There was more silence in the line. Seonghwa didn't know what to say, and the half bottle of wine he had just had was starting to kick in.

"Are you serious!? Y/N are you okay!?"

"Y-yes yes I think so, I'm not harmed. I know it's a bit much to ask but, can you come get me?"

"Yes, of course, share your location and I'll be there in a minute. Are you in danger!? How many people should I bring!? Do we need guns?"

"Just you should be fine, it's just one asshole and his friend..."

"What?"

Seonghwa was visibly confused, and rightfully so.

"I'll explain everything once you're here... I'm sorry."

"No, no don't be, I'm in my garage already, I'll be there in a second."

Once you hung up you felt a little unsafe, so you walked a little further to get away from the house, and, in a blink of an eye, Seonghwa's red SUV pulled up right beside you.

He came out of the car and held your shoulders, examining your body for any bruises, scratches, or blood. Fortunately, you had nothing but a couple bruises on your knees and hips, that he couldn't see.

"Are you okay?" He asked, looking into your eyes.

"I'm okay now."

You gave him a small smile, which he returned. He put his arm around your waist and helped you seat on the passenger seat of his car.

"So," he said, as he started the car once more "what the fuck happened?"

You sighed, there was a lot to unpack.

"I've kept some really close friends from high school, San, whom I'm sure you've heard of, Jongho, Mingi, and Yunho. We were always very close, and I was particularly close to Yunho. We grew a little apart after we graduated 'cause professionally we were looking for different things, but Yunho and I realized we couldn't be apart, so we started dating. Everything was going well but towards the end, we started having more fights, more arguments,... So I decided it would be better to break up while we could still be friends before it became more toxic and our group of friends would fall apart. But he started having some really shitty behavior... He would scare and push away anyone who tried to date me or to flirt with me, but I never mentioned anything and never made much of a fuss because I really cared about him still, after all, we had been such close friends for a long time, it was hard to let go. Once I applied to your company and learned about you I was a little... starstruck and amazed, by you."

You could see him blush slightly and smile (a smile he tried to hide) from the corner of your eye. But he kept quiet and listened.

"I talked about you to my friends, and Yunho hated it. But there was nothing he could do because unlike everybody else he didn't have direct contact with you, to try and scare you off. And once I announced I was hired, he hated it cause it meant I'd be closer to you. He straight-up called me a whore. A couple days after that he apologized in a very weird way, it was creepy, so San told me he'd pick me up after work 'cause it was dark and not very safe anyway, but today- yesterday" You reiterated, after noticing it was well past midnight "I told him not to pick me up because I'd be meeting you after work, so I'd just be riding an uber anyway. I don't know if Yunho found out about me going to your house, or if he just waited every day until San didn't pick me up, but a black van pulled up in front of me and someone pulled me inside. I had no idea what was going on, I passed out and when I woke up I was in a dark room alone. Yunho barged in some time after and came with the 'see, I'm here and Seonghwa isn't' type of conversation, and that's when I found out he had orchestrated the whole thing for me to notice how much better he supposedly is..."

Seonghwa sighed and rested his head on the car's seat.

"Shit... That's a lot to unpack."

You hummed in agreement.

"I'm sorry I know it's a lot to deal with, you can just... drop me off at home."

"No, no absolutely not. He knows where you live, doesn't he? If he's insane enough to fake kidnap you, he's crazy enough to pull up to your house and do God knows what. I'm taking you back to my house, you can take a shower and I'll lend you some clothes, I'm sure something of mine fits you."

You smiled at his kindness. You really didn't expect Seonghwa to be like that. Deep down you thought he would be the classic 'work above anything' type of CEO, one that really didn't care about others, but you were surprised.

"Seonghwa, I don't know what to say... We have known each other for no longer than a week."

"Well that's true but... How do I say this without seeming too forward, we seem like a nice match. Texting you is the most fun part of most of my days and I like the way you're able to separate personal life from professional life. I'm not going to lie after we exchanged some... texts, I was afraid you'd start sprawling on my desk naked and I really didn't want to have an awkward conversation with you about limits and boundaries."

It was hard to contain your laughter. Although he was a confident man, you could tell he was a little awkward when talking about certain issues just like that. You smiled and brushed his hair away from his eyes.

You got to his house quickly, but the engine going quiet didn't stop your conversation. He gently took a hold of your hand and guided you inside.

"I'm glad you think like that, after Yunho talked to me I was afraid you'd be using me just for sex."

Seonghwa chuckled.

"I guess that's the general idea..." He sighed before continuing his sentence "Maybe I shouldn't be telling you this, I have never told anyone, not even Wooyoung 'cause he would yell at me, but it's actually the other way around. Women come to me and I happily have sex with them, not gonna lie, and then they end up ghosting me or telling me to fuck off after I try to become closer to them. I guess it's my fault, I'm a little dense when it comes to understanding what women want."

You could tell he was a little embarrassed for admitting that. He was looking away as if the wall was the most interesting thing in the world, and his cheeks had a little pink tint to them. You grabbed his hands and looked into his eyes.

"It's okay, I'll make sure to send understandable messages."

You both smiled widely at the joke, but then everything was serious. You were staring deeply into each other's eyes and you were suddenly aware of the closeness of your bodies. You could tell Seonghwa was hesitant, and you wanted to follow through with your promise.

You got on your tiptoes and kissed the corner of his lips, signaling that you wanted the same he did.

He cupped your cheek, gently yet firmly, and brought your face closer to his. Seonghwa teased you for a second, not quite closing the gap between your lips. You groaned quietly, revealing your restlessness for him, and he finally connected your lips, in a soft, innocent, yet long kiss. It soon turned into something else, something rougher and full of meaning, His hands were stiff on your waist, gripping you tightly as if preventing themselves from roaming somewhere else.

"You know, you don't need to hold back, Sir..." You said when you broke apart.

He groaned at the little pet name you knew he loved.

"I know doll, but I promised no funny business, you need to rest, it's been a long day."

Seonghwa kissed your lips gently and rubbed his thumb on your waist. He then kissed your neck and approached his lips to your ear.

"Plus, I have plenty of time to test you out, don't I?"

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egcdeath · 3 years

Text

strangers again

summary: “hiiii sweetie!! can i request a steve x reader where he left yn for peggy. but he always felt guilty and missed yn. he would always stare at her pic. when he came back he bumped into yn while she was dropping a kid to daycare. and steve realized it was his son. kinda sad but fluff at the end pls!!!! and oh i super love your works!!! tysm 🌼🥺💕”

pairing: steve rogers x reader

warnings: decent angst, brief mention of a depressive episode, abandonment, somewhat unrealistic behavior

word count: 3.8k

author’s note: i really hope that this lives up to your expectations but it is a little cheesy. i’d also like to warn that i have not interacted with a child in several years, so.. sorry. (there’s also a lot of exposition so double sorry if that’s not your thing!)

You’d never forget the moment Steve left to return the stones, with the promise to be back in only a matter of moments.

Maybe your definition of a matter of moments was different from his.

You seemed to be the only one without a clue of what Steve truly planned to do, with Bucky only telling you after the matter that Steve was leaving for the past and for Peggy, and probably not coming back.

After finding out, something deep within you broke. You could barely leave your bed for days, you struggled to eat, sleep, even drink water. Every task that used to seem like muscle memory, began to feel like it carried the weight of the world behind it. Every hobby that you once enjoyed becoming empty and bleak.

You constantly felt inadequate. How could you love someone so much, and be told you were loved so much while always being second to someone else?

The simple sentiment of it had left you feeling miserable, and sick to your stomach. Literally. Nearly every morning, and occasionally if you smelled something too strong, you found the contents of your stomach emptied.

You attempted to ignore it at first. Meshed with every other unpleasant symptom you were going through, you’d figured that it was just one more bullet point on the list of things that had been plaguing you. But when your friends insisted that you go check up with your doctor, you had a hard time saying no.

Once you received the results from your blood test, you were completely taken aback by the fact that you were pregnant. You couldn't believe that you hadn’t considered the possibility of pregnancy earlier.

Yet, after a long and hard period of pondering, you managed to surprise yourself once again after you realized you wanted to keep it.

After all, that could be the only piece of Steve you had left.

----

You began to tell yourself that Steve was dead. That was somehow less painful than the idea that he left you for someone that he barely knew, yet had fallen so hard for nearly 70 years ago. You refused to let yourself fall for anyone else romantically, now that you were aware that anyone had the capacity to leave you at any time, no matter how deep you perceived your relationship to be.

You guarded your heart, and made sure to only let in those that you knew you could trust for a fact. For the remainder of your pregnancy, only your closest family members and friends stood by your side.

About 8 months later, you brought a small, but healthy infant into the world. From that moment on, you promised yourself to become the best version of yourself that you could be. No dwelling on the past, and no yearning for what could’ve been. Your only duty now was to provide the best life possible for your offspring.

So you did.

----

You stood in the kitchen, peeling an orange for your son before he bounded into the room. You turned and gave him a big grin, and he grinned back to you.

“Did you get dressed all by yourself?” You asked him excitedly, receiving a nod in return before he ran up to your leg, and hugged it.

“I did, Mommy!” He looked up at you with his soulful eyes, and you couldn’t help but to feel bombarded with emotion.

Even at the tender age of five, Grant seemed to become a bit more like his father every day. The shape of his eyes, the slope of his nose, the sound of his giggle. To the average onlooker, he came across as the same as any other child, but to you, your son was the splitting image of Steve.

“Good work, little man. Now go sit at the table so mommy can finish breakfast, okay?” He didn’t even bother confirming with you before more or less sprinting to the table. You couldn’t help but to ask yourself if your son had obtained all of that energy and speed from his father as well.

Breakfast was over almost as soon as it started, and before you knew it, you were warming up your car after you’d assisted Grant with brushing his teeth.

You were in an oddly nostalgic mood that day, playing music from a time period before you’d even imagined bringing another life into the world. You glanced up at the rearview mirror and watched your son happily bop his head to the beat. You thought in passing about how much of a gift he truly was.

After arriving at his school, you hopped out of the car and over to the furthest seat in the back, where he’d insisted on sitting that day.

“You ready, big guy?” You questioned while reaching out to grab him from the car seat.

“Born ready,” he agreed. You chuckled and shook your head fondly at that while getting him out of the car.

“Who taught you that?”

Grant shrugged, “I came up with it myself.”

“I’m sure. Can you hold my hand while we’re out please?” You reached out for him, and he gladly obliged.

You soon became distracted by a large man across the street, his built figure and light blonde hair making you recall the father of your child. You gave Grant’s hand a light squeeze and continued to approach the door, not being able to help yourself, and glancing over at the man one last time.

Except this time was different. Your eyes locked with the blonde man outside of the coffee shop across the street unexpectedly. Where you once thought casually to yourself that it looked like Steve, you now had confirmation that it was in fact the man who you’d fallen in love with, and found yourself pregnant by.

You audibly gasped, receiving a bit of a questioning look from your child. Your heart dropped as a metric ton of emotions hit you all at once, anger, sadness, confusion. Everything you told yourself you needed to repress, had suddenly come back to you all at once.

Even from a distance, you swore you could see his eyes flit from you to Grant, and the next thing you knew, he was approaching your direction. Looking for an easy out, and a distraction from your rather observant child, you quickly caused a misdirection.

“Grant, is that Stacey over on the playground? You should totally go show her that new version of tag that you were telling me about!”

Your son, ever the speedster, booked it towards the playground, and you let out a sigh of relief. Although, the relief didn’t last long, as just moments later, Steve was almost all the way up to you. As you turned to try to escape, you felt a hand on your arm.

“Y/N?” He asked, almost timidly.

You weren’t even sure what to say. In fact, you didn’t feel like you had control of your own body at this point. “Steve? I-“ You ran a hand through your hair and bit the inside of your lip. “You need to go.” The pain that was rushing through you was too much for you to bare, especially considering the man who caused the hurt had suddenly decided to reappear in your life after giving you a world of self doubt and abandonment issues.

Steve seemed hurt by your statement, but you weren’t sure how much longer you could stand to even look at his face. “Please, Y/N, let me explain,” he begged.

“No, Steve. You don’t get that luxury. You left me for someone else, and I guess you got to live a nice, long life with her. You don’t get to just show back up in my life when you get bored, okay? I can’t afford to play those types of games anymore. Now if you’d let me go-“ You attempted to get to your car, but Steve side stepped you.

“It wasn’t like that. You know it isn’t like that.”

“Just fucking leave! You have no idea what this has all been like for me. You had your opportunity to leave, and you gladly took it. Stay the fuck out of my life, and the hell away from my son.” You grabbed the handle of your car door and got in, reeling as you watched a dejected Steve walk away.

Your heart pounded in your chest as you rested your head against the steering wheel. You were feeling way too many emotions to pinpoint exactly how you felt, but you knew that this couldn’t be good.

——

You put a brave face on for your son that day, picking him up from school in a daze, and only half listening to whatever it was that he was telling you.

You felt bad for only being able to nod along to whatever he was saying, and did he just ask you if he could get a dog? Did you just say yes?

You felt like a stranger watching yourself from the outside in. The ghost of the person you’d developed into over the years watching the past version of yourself slip right back into your body, and take over your daily routine through the next few days of your life.

You had an obscene amount of anger that soon dissolved into a deep sadness, and that sadness shorty developed into a morbid curiosity.

You spent an unreasonable, and certainly unhealthy amount of time searching your old lover’s name on tabloid websites and social media, just to see if he’d given a statement on his whereabouts, or a statement about anything at all.

After about day three of your minor internet stalking, you’d had an epiphany while sitting in your office.

You still have Steve’s number saved on your phone.

That was, of course, if it hadn’t changed between now and the years that he’d been off living in the past.

Something about knowing that you were just one text away from him made your heart race with a mixture of nerves and interest. Just one impulsive decision, and you could change the whole trajectory of the rest of your life.

If you got back in contact with Steve, you might not ever be willing to leave him. You refused to make that mistake again.

Until you did.

After reading Grant his nightly bedtime story, then wrapping him tightly in his little bed, you’d decided to treat yourself to a glass of Chardonnay.

It’d been a weird past couple of days. Your time traveling ex had randomly appeared back into your life, your coworkers seemed to get on your nerves a little more every moment you were around them, and Grant had a temper tantrum in the grocery store that afternoon over a chocolate bar, which gained judging stares from customers, and may have made you feel the slightest bit inadequate.

At least that’s what you told yourself as you filled your glass again, because two glasses can’t hurt, and again, since I kinda deserve this extra one, don’t I? The next thing you knew, the bottle was empty, and you were texting Steve for the first time in years.

Y: Is this Steve?

You watched as three white dots hovered on your screen for a moment, disappeared, then came back once again.

S: Is this Y/N?

Y: Yes.

Y: We should tlak

Y: *talk

S: I agree.

Y: So lets

Y: talk

S: I don’t think this is a conversation for texts.

Y: Then call me???????????????????

S: We should talk in person.

Y: Im not gonna do that sober

S: You’re not sober?

Y: do you think id text u sober u big fuckni asshole

S: I guess you’re right

S: So are we gonna talk?

Y: no ur gonna meet me at b cup cafe tomorrow at 10

S: AM or PM?

Y: AM I’m off

S: Are you sure you want to do this?

Y: Say yes before i change my mind

S: I’ll see you there

Y: Bye babydaddy

S: ????

You promptly deleted the messages, tossed your phone somewhere on the sofa, and sunk into the seat. Even in your not-completely-sober state, you already felt the all too familiar sense regret. You dragged the blanket that hung over the top of the sofa over your exhausted body, and closed your eyes, wishing that this was somehow all a dream.

----

It was not all just a dream.

You woke up with dried drool on your chin, and a deep pit of bad feelings and regret in your chest. Of course, you ignored the bad feelings and got ready, business as usual. You successfully dropped Grant off at school with little complications, and found yourself perking up a bit more.

Yet, something still felt slightly off. You reached into the passenger seat for your phone, and as you looked down on it, saw the familiar notification of a calendar event.

10:00 AM b cup coff w Steeb

You groaned out loud at this. There was no obligation for you to go meet with him, but perhaps going and talking to Steve would bring you some sort of closure. Maybe then you could move on with your life, get with a nice guy who would mean it when he tells you he won't leave you, who loves Grant like he’s his own biological offspring, and to take care of the both of you through thick and thin.

You gladly daydreamed of this fantasy man while driving to the shop, but you couldn’t help but to see Steve’s face doing all of the aforementioned things. Before you even fell pregnant, that’s what you’d truly wanted with Steve. To be a family. To have your definition of home be with your people, rather than a place.

Entering the coffee shop, you briefly ordered your drink before looking around and find Steve sitting alone in a booth, mindlessly stirring around the liquid in his cup.

Timidly, you approached the booth, before setting your purse down and sitting across from him.

“You... you came?” He looked up to you with almost watery eyes.

“Of course I did,” you tried to hold yourself back from mentioning something about following through on your word. You wanted this to be as civil as possible. To build bridges rather than burn them.

“I just didn’t expect to see you in person again. And, you know, you were running a little late,” he added.

“Well, you try waking a five year old up and getting him ready for school every day,” you expelled a humorless chuckle to deflect from the slight agitation you were feeling.

“While you’re hungover?” Steve asked with a bit of a smirk, trying to lighten up the mood.

“While you’re hungover,” You confirmed, genuinely laughing now. It felt good, natural even. You’d kind of forgotten just how pleasant things used to be with Steve.

“Did you mean it last night?” he interrupted the laughter with a serious look.

“I honestly cannot remember anything I said last night. Elaborate, please?”

“That he’s mine. Your son.” He watched you silently nod, then began to speak again, “Wow, I just didn’t realize… How did that happen?” He looked down into his drink nervously.

“Well, it’s kind of hard to recall the exact details, but when a mommy and a daddy love each other very much...” You trailed off, and looked up as a barista called a butchered version of your name.

You were glad to have an excuse to get up and leave for a moment. Adrenaline was racing through your body, and you weren’t sure how much longer you could keep your composure before you erupted into tears, or had some sort of angry outburst.

Bringing your cup back to the booth, you sat down and took a sip of the scalding drink, “Where did we leave off?”

“I believe you were giving me the birds and the bees?”

“Right! Well, I think you know the rest. I’ll tell you more about Grant later. Right now, I want to know why you left and suddenly decided to come back.” You genuinely felt proud of your delivery. This was the moment you’d practiced in front of the mirror for years, and you didn’t even butcher it.

Steve shook his head and looked into his drink once again. It was so hard to look at you, let alone make eye contact with you, when he knew that he’d been the one to give you an ocean of grief. Yet, he was somewhat intrigued by hearing that his son’s name was his middle name.

“It’s kind of a long story,” Steve began.

“Good thing we have time,” you crossed your arms as you spoke.

“Well, waking up in a whole new time period isn’t exactly the easiest thing ever. You and me both know I missed it there, and it’s always been more than just nostalgia for me. I truly believed that I belonged back there.”

Of course, you had an idea of this, but hearing Steve confirm what you’d already thought made your insides twist.

“But I was so wrong. More than anything, I guess I was in love with a romanticized version of the past. Of Peggy.”

Hearing her name, especially from Steve, made you bristle. You wanted to interrupt him at this point, but it wouldn’t do you or him any good to become hostile while he explained himself.

“By the time I realized, it was too late. I figured you’d already moved on and found someone else to take care of you, and the world, this world, didn’t really need me anymore. But something possessed me to come back.”

“So you’re telling me that if you stopped being an idiot that just assumes things, we could’ve worked this out before? That you could’ve been an active participant in your son’s life?”

“I guess that’s a good way to interpret that story. I know I haven’t been in his life, but is there any way that I can still meet him?” Steve asked hopefully.

“Yeah, of course. He’s just like,” you sighed a bit to yourself. “He’s like a carbon copy of you. Especially his personality, but like, down to his mannerisms. I always struggled to understand how he could be so much like his dad, and never even had met him. You’ll love him.”

“Even if I didn't like him, I’d still love him.”

“How do you still manage to be such a cheeseball all the damn time? You think you’d be able to make it to dinner tonight?”

----

At exactly 6:30 on the dot, your doorbell rang, and before you even had the chance to think about opening it, Grant already was at the door, and opening it. You cringed on the inside, and made a mental note to have another conversation about stranger danger with him.

“Do I know you? Who are you?” you heard your child question from the other room as you set down the last of the plates in your dining room.

“I’m Steve, your mom’s friend... and…” Steve nearly spilled the beans to his son, but didn’t want to cause any more damage than he’d already done. “Her friend.”

“That’s so cool! I have friends too, like Nick, and Stacey, and,” you’d rushed up to the door and wiped your brow, internally hoping that you hadn’t just smudged the makeup you’d put on for the occasion.

“Hi, Steve, come on in,” You beckoned him in, and pulled Grant to the side, quietly scolding him before leading Steve into the dining room. “Grant! This is the last time I’m telling you about opening doors, okay?” He nodded obediently, then followed you and Steve.

“Can I sit next to your friend, Mommy?”

“Is that alright with you, Steve?”

“More than fine.”

Grant sat down next to him, and scooted a bit closer than necessary, while you sat across from the two of them.

“I have to in… enter a gate you now. Because Mommy never brings any over her friends over. I didn’t know she had any friends.”

You blushed a bit at this, at your son’s overdramatic behavior, and his admission that you’d become a bit of a loner.

“Go ahead, pal,” Steve chuckled heartily.

“When did you meet my mom?”

“Before you were even born.”

“Wow! That’s a long time. You’re really old. What’s your favorite dinosaur?”

“I’ve heard T-Rexes are pretty cool.”

“Have you met any?”

You nearly spat out your drink at this. If only your son had known.

“Nope, never. Have you?”

“Hmm, not yet. But they’re my favorite dino too. Now your ‘gating is over.”

You couldn’t help but to burst out into laughter at the bizarre exchange, but you were glad that your son and Steve were getting along so well.

The rest of dinner went pretty similarly, with Grant bantering with Steve, and Steve indulging him. You could tell that the relationship between the two of them was something that came both naturally and easily. You couldn’t help but to grin as Grant began to ramble about how cool Steve was, and how he swore he was better friends with Steve than you were.

“Mommy, isn’t Steve the best? You guys should totally get married so he can have dinner with us every day!” he swooned. “He even kinda looks like me, right?!”

That’s why you couldn’t help what came out of your mouth next.

“Grant, Steve is… He’s your dad,” you said quietly.

Grant nodded, then slurped up a noodle, “That’s why he’s so cool! He gets it from me, right Mom?”

“That sounds right to me,” You glanced up at Steve, and noticed his surprised expression. You mouthed something along the lines to ‘He’ll process it later,’ and waved a dismissive hand, before going in for another bite of food.

----

After putting Grant to bed, You and Steve stood at your kitchen sink, bumping elbows occasionally as the two of you silently worked together to wash and dry dishes.

The domesticity and familiarity of the action brought you an obscene amount of comfort. You remembered how you once believed that this is what your future would look like. Your thoughts were interrupted by Steve beginning to talk.

“Doesn’t this remind you of life after the first snap?” He asked, breaking the silence.

“Kind of. You’re not off the hook yet, by the way. You still have plenty of explaining and proving you’ve changed to do.” You set the last cup in the cupboard, then dried your hands off.

“I know, I know,” Steve began.

“We don’t even know if you’re ready for fatherhood. But right now, I kinda don’t care. I really just want you to kiss me.” You reached up to Steve’s cheek, and he pulled you in for a soft and chaste kiss.

You’d never felt more at home.

——

me with this fic:

#steve rogers x reader #steve rogers x you #steve rogers x y/n #angst #captain america x reader #captain america x you #steve rogers fanfiction #captain america fanfiction #request

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jiangwanyinscatmom · 3 years

Text

WHY WE'RE GOING TO DECONSTRUCT THE PREVALENT MISCONCEPTION THAT LAN WANGJI IS THE POSSESSIVE AND/OR OUT OF BOUNDS ONE AT THE START OF MDZS ON THE PART OF THE AUDIENCE SINCE WEI WUXIAN ALREADY HAS PRECONCEIVED BIASES

As it says, we'll start right after the Dafan Mountain hunt. We are already shown the direct opposition between Jiang Cheng and Lan Wangji in regards to trying to deal with Wei Wuxian. Remember, this was after both had walked away once before until Wei Wuxian, as he is apt, gets himself caught up from something he could have walked away from. His proclivity with summoning Wen Ning is what set of the realization for both men. Jiang Cheng to want to torture him into admittance of being Wei Wuxian, while Lan Wangji keeps up the pretense of him being Mo Xuanyu and taking him as a witness of the Mo Manor arm.

A moment ago, Jiang Cheng was certain that this person was Wei WuXian, and all of the blood in his body started to boil. Yet, now, Zidian was clearly telling him that he wasn’t. Zidian definitely wouldn’t deceive him or make a mistake, so he quickly calmed himself and thought, this doesn’t mean anything. I should first find an excuse to take him back and use every possible method to get information out of him. It’s impossible for him to not confess anything or give himself away. I’ve done things like this in the past anyways. After thinking it through, he made a gesture. The disciples understood his intention and came over.

Wei WuXian hurriedly jumped behind Lan WangJi with the donkey, and exclaimed while holding a hand over his chest, “Ah! What are you going to do to me?”

Lan WangJi gave him a look, putting up with his extremely discourteous, noisy, and exaggerated behavior.

Seeing that he would not move over, Jiang Cheng spoke, “ Lan-er-gongzi, are you purposely making this difficult for me?”

These two scenes are barely moments apart Wei Wuxian thinks he has one upped both enough to get away, but Lan Wangji and Sizhui seem well-versed with Jiang Cheng's methods.

As expected, Jiang Cheng’s face darkened, “Oh, really? Then, may I ask which type you’re interested in?”

Wei WuXian replied, “Which type? Well, I am very much attracted to people like HanGuang-Jun.”

Lan WangJi would never tolerate this sort of frivolous and foolish joke at all. If he felt disgusted, he would definitely draw a line between them and keep his distance. Disgusting two people at once—this was killing two birds with one stone!

However, as Lan WangJi heard this, he turned around.

His face was emotionless, “Mark your words.”

Wei WuXian, “Hmm?”

Lan WangJi turned back, speaking in a mannerly yet resolute way, “I will take this one back to the Lan Sect.”

Wei WuXian, “…”

Wei WuXian, “…Huh?”

Lan Wangji here is already shaking up Wei Wuxian's past expectations of him. He has already turned Wei Wuxian's jokes against him in a subtly sarcastic way, just as Wei Wuxian was hoping to pull against him.

Given that the Lan by default are one of the Sects that do help commoners Sizhui and Jingyi point out word for word just why "Mo Xuanyu" has been brought to Cloud Recesses on Lan Wangji's say.

Lan SiZhui tried to reason with him, “Mo gongzi, it was for your sake that HanGuang-Jun brought you here. If you do not follow us, Sect Leader Jiang will not be willing to let the matter go. During these past years, there were countless people whom he has caught and took back to Lotus Pier, and none of those people were ever let out.”

Lan JingYi spoke, “That is right. You’ve seen Sect Leader Jiang’s methods, haven’t you? They’re quite cruel…” He paused here, remembering the rule that stated “talking behind other people’s backs” was prohibited, and subtly glanced at Lan WangJi. Seeing that HanGuang-Jun didn’t show any interest in chastising him, he was bold enough to mumble on, “It’s all because of the unhealthy trend that the YiLing Laozu started. There are so many people who copy him and cultivate that foolish method. With Sect Leader Jiang being so suspicious of everyone, is it even possible for him to catch all of them? Just look at you and your flute skills… Heh.”

Lan Sizhui and Jingyi affirm again just why Wei Wuxian was brought with them, for being part of the debacle of the arm as well as a form of safety from Jiang Cheng who is implied to still follow demonic cultivators he suspects.

This trend continues as Lan Wangji keeps Wei Wuxian with him as a form of protection. Wei Wuxian is still under the assumption he is passing off as Mo Xuanyu to Lan Wangji, until they are separated. Wei Wuxian to tend to Jin Ling and Lan Wangji to catch the spy. Once he does move to rendezvous he runs into Jiang Cheng who had been the one Lan Wangji was trying to keep him from.

The black-haired spiritual dog sprinted over from the other end, passed Wei WuXian, and threw herself toward Jin Ling’s legs, affectionately brushing him with her tail.

With the dog appearing here, it must have meant that Lan WangJi had already caught whoever was spying near the stone castles and went to the point of rendezvous that they settled on earlier. However, at the moment, Wei WuXian had no time to think about any of that..

As he ran, he just happened to end up right before Jiang Cheng, Jin Ling, and a bunch of other Jiang Sect disciples.

This is the first time now that Lan Wangji is not present to help Wei Wuxian. Who, has already become used to being under Lan Wangji's care and has quickly begun to stop questioning the reasons why. He is already comfortable enough to associate Lan Wangji as actual protection from Jiang Cheng as he had been warned earlier.

Seeing that the large, snarling dog closed in on him in less than a second, his ears were full of her low growls and his entire body numbed. He had forgotten about much of his early years of wandering on the streets. The only things he still remembered was the terror he felt as he was chased by dogs and the slicing pain of teeth and claws digging into his flesh. The fear that had been planted deep within his heart couldn’t be overcome or eased no matter how he tried.

Suddenly, Jiang Cheng glanced sideway at him, “Whose name did you call?”

Wei WuXian was in such a state of distress that he couldn’t remember whether or not he called someone’s name at all. He only managed to pull himself together after Jiang Cheng commanded the dog to back away. After a moment of hesitation, he abruptly turned his head away. On the other side, Jiang Cheng left his seat. There was a whip attached beside his waist. With one hand on it, he bent down to look at Wei WuXian’s face. After a pause, he straightened up and asked, “Speaking of it, since when have you been so close to Lan WangJi?”

Wei WuXian immediately understood whose name he had unconsciously called out.

Jiang Cheng smiled menacingly, “It really is quite curious how far he went to protect you, back on Dafan Mountain.”

A moment later, he corrected himself, “No. You weren’t necessarily the one whom Lan WangJi was protecting. After all, the GusuLan Sect couldn’t have forgotten what you did with that loyal dog of yours. How could someone so celebrated for his righteousness tolerate the likes of you? Maybe he’s familiar with this body that you stole instead.”

His words were cruel and sinister. Every sentence seemed well-meaning on the surface, but was actually derogatory. Wei WuXian couldn’t bear hearing it any longer, “Watch your language.”

To Jiang Cheng his assumptions of Wei Wuxian being alive are correct, yet, he thinks that Lan Wangji is protecting him due to assuming he has some sort of relationship with Mo Xuanyu. Wei Wuxian seemingly subconsciously voices his objection of Lan Wangji being spoken of in that way. This is the first major step post-resurrection of Wei Wuxian speaking up vocally in Lan Wangji's defense and Lan Wangji has been physically protecting Wei Wuxian.

Lan WangJi knelt down on one knee to examine his leg. Wei WuXian was rather shocked, “N-n-no, HanGuang-Jun. You don’t have to do this.”

Lan WangJi raised his head slightly, the pair of light-colored eyes boring into him, then looked down again and continued to roll up the leg of his trousers. Still under his grip, Wei WuXian could do nothing except to look up at the sky.

His entire leg was covered with the black bruise of the Curse Mark.

After staring at it for a while, Lan WangJi spoke in a bitter voice, “… I only left for a few hours.”

Wei WuXian shrugged, “A few hours is a long time. Anything could have happened. There, there. Straighten up.”

Once more Lan Wangji reiterates his stance of keeping Wei Wuxian safe and Wei Wuxian's penchant for taking on trouble.

Lan WangJi looked in the direction of a signboard that stood in front of a shop far down the street. Wei WuXian continued, “Let’s deal with the stone castle issue first.” He then walked toward the shop. He didn’t notice before, but his leg felt a bit numb, probably from Zidian. It was a good thing that Jiang Cheng controlled Zidian’s force so that he wasn’t made into a scorched corpse that had been struck by lightning.

Lan WangJi stood behind him. He suddenly called out, “Wei Ying.”

Wei WuXian paused. A second later, he pretended as if he didn’t hear the name, and answered, “What?”

Lan WangJi, “This was transferred from Jin Ling’s body, was it not.”

It wasn’t a question, but a statement.

Wei WuXian didn’t say anything. Lan WangJi spoke again, “You met Jiang WanYin.”

It wasn’t hard to figure out due to the mark that Zidian left on top of the Curse Mark. Wei WuXian turned around, “As long as both of us are alive in this world, we’d meet for sure, sooner or later.”

Lan WangJi, “Do not go…”

Wei WuXian, “If I don’t go, how am I supposed to leave? Are you gonna carry me on your back or something?”

“…” Lan WangJi looked at him in silence. Wei WuXian’s smile froze on his face, just as a foreboding feeling crossed his mind.

If had been Lan Zhan from back then, he would definitely be shocked speechless by these words, and either leave with a cold expression or completely ignore him. However, it’d be hard to say how the Lan Zhan now would respond.

And finally Wei Wuxian takes it in stride that Lan Wangji knows exactly who he is while continuing to let Wei Wuxian follow him for his safety along with his own interest in the case. Only being baffled as to why he is helping him as he believed Lan Wangji never liked or approved of him. Of his own volition though he stays close to Lan Wangji due to the sense of safety and help Lan Wangji has already offered. As a give and take of equality between them as they try to hunt down the body parts that turned into a bigger case than what it was supposed to initially be. Turning into something larger than just keeping away from Jiang Cheng himself. This is also keeping in mind, Wei Wuxian as the one to still initiate any physical contact and sleeping in the same bed with Lan Wangji even after his ruse is revealed.

#mdzs #mo dao zu shi #wei wuxian #and his preconcieved notions #people grow up Wei Wuxian #lan wangji #lan wangji has done nothing wrong ever #this is long and no I will not say sorry #don't mind me

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shotossecretary · 4 years

Text

bad day | Mafia AU Shoto Todoroki x Reader

This is my first fic! ahhhh so sorry if it’s not that great hahaha

Word count: 3740 gah damn, I did NOT expect for it to get this long LOL got carried away

Genre: Smut, NSFW

Summary: You’re a brat and Mafia!Todoroki isn’t having it after having a rough day dealing with issues of his own.

Warnings: Rough sex, slight degradation, spanking, slight BDSM, edging, overstimulation

“I don’t care what the excuse is, when I give you a job, you get it done.” Shoto growled at the pitiful heap of a man he just finished teaching a lesson to. He wiped the blood from his knuckles, scoffed at the man with disgust, and turned to leave. The other members looked on silently, never daring to interfere when their leader dished out discipline.

“Fuck.” Shoto scoffed as he hopped in his car, frustration making him scrunch his brow. He lingered on the steering wheel as he closed his eyes and leaned back on the head rest. What a day it had been. Since taking on one of the more significant leadership roles for the group, the stress had been building up through recent days. Today was the cherry on top. One of his men had a hit he was designated to fulfill and lost the man while simultaneously almost getting caught.

Such amateurs.

There were so many younger guys that had been recently recruited and the more they fucked up, the more Shoto felt his patience wearing down. They would laugh it off, dismissing the severity of being caught. That childishness is what set him off to the breaking point today of beating on of his guys as a reminder to acknowledge the consequences.

Shoto was a hero with a reputation that would be in grave danger if it was exposed to the public that he ran with a menacing crowd. They operated underground, attempting to fly beneath the public’s eyes as they carried out business ordeals at night and always, ALWAYS wore their signature black masks. Shoto never expected to be pulled into such a dirty cycle, but he justified it with the thought that their hits were against bad people. Aside from that, he hated to admit it- but he was a sucker for money. Their gang was one of the most powerful and intimidating in the area, and when they approached Shoto to join, it was a win-win for both sides.

---------------

Shoto backed out of the driveway and made his way home, annoyed thoughts biting at him the whole ride. Why did he have to worry about his men on top of everything else? In the moment, the thoughts of balancing his double life became overwhelming. He gritted his teeth and continued to weave through traffic. Being the reckless driver he was, he arrived at his luxury mansion in no time. Parking his car, his glanced in the rear view mirror to find an unforgiving reflection staring back at him. Running his hand through his hair, he attempted to make himself a bit more presentable. He didn’t have time for your questions, and knew if he showed up dirtied, you would pester him endlessly about it. Drained and ready to just get some peace and sleep, he stepped out of the car and made his way inside.

Your home was the perfect balance between modern and traditional. When you and Shoto got married, it didn’t take long to find the perfect one. Of course, he was straight out of hero school and was not affiliated with the gang yet. It almost tore you two apart when he joined. You were so opposed to his involvement in dark crimes- after all, he was a hero. Eventually, you tuned it out, trying your best to ignore the fact he ran with some of the most dangerous men.

Shoto burst through the door, clearly still angry. He threw his shoes off and mindlessly tossed his keys on the counter. You came out in the kitchen to greet him. Unaware that he had overlooked a stain of blood on his neck in his attempt to clean up before coming in, he pushed through to the bedroom.

“Where the hell did you get that from?” you narrowed your eyes as you tugged his shirt, halting him in the middle of the hallway.

Shoto half wanted to just dismiss it, but he knew you were just going to keep asking.

“I cut myself jumping down from a building when I was on a scene earlier rescuing a child.” He stated abruptly, hoping to shut your suspicions down. He knew you knew about his affiliations, but since you two never talked about it, he wasn’t about to bring it up now.

“Bullshit,” you said, “I went by the agency earlier to drop something off for you, and they said you weren’t on call tonight. You’ve been avoiding me the past week too, don’t fucking lie. This has something to do with that little mafia group of yours, doesn’t it?”

Heat mustering up in his chest, Shoto turned to face you, his heterochromatic eyes cutting through you.

“Why don’t you mind your fucking business? I thought you didn’t want anything to do with that part of my life, so why get all riled up now? Move. I had a rough day, I just want to sleep.”

You were done with his behavior.

“Because! You come home angry all the time, and I’ve already ignored some of the nights you come back with bloody clothes. That’s it, I’m over this. Running around fucking killing people like a criminal or pretending to be a hero. I can’t keep up with your shit anymore, Shoto.”

Shoto seethed at your words. Between his dysfunctional group of guys, the constant stress the agency was putting him under, and now YOU. He couldn’t take it. The patience in him snapped.

--------------------------

Before you knew what was happening, he had you by the wrist and forcibly led you to the bedroom. He pushed you in and locked the door behind him, looking more like a hungry predator than your husband. You knew his rough days got the best of him and when they did, the loving man you were infatuated with disintegrated. You couldn’t say you didn’t find some kind of satisfaction from bringing out his dark side, but damn, tonight he looked PISSED.

He stood over you now, staring at you with carnal intent, before breaking the stare and tossing you on the armchair in the corner.

“You know, I had planned to just shower and go to bed, but since you wanted to put your nose where it doesn’t belong, you’ll learn your place tonight.” He leaned down to you, his face an inch from you. You turned away.

“Better be in position for me when I get out, princess” he whispered, his breath grazing your neck.

You knew what this meant. Every time he had a particularly rough day, he used you as relief. He got up and disappeared into the master bathroom, where you heard him let the water run and step in the shower.

You debated leaving like you were just yelling in the hallway about. But you couldn’t do that. He had eyes everywhere, he would find you. Besides, in some twisted way, you relished in the power this man had over you no matter how hard you tried to break it.

Realizing he would be done soon, you slipped out of the chair and into your designated position. You sat slowly on your knees, with your hands in your lap. You brushed your hair back, ready and waiting.

Then, a thought flickered across your mind- disobey him. You knew more than anyone how serious Shoto was when he gave orders, he expected full compliance. He was used to it. You never defied him.

He doesn’t deserve it. You thought, not wanting to give in to his demands. With that, you lifted yourself back up and into the chair, slouching and making it seem like you didn’t care. You waited as you heard his wet footsteps padding towards the door.

“You better be in position princess,” his voice drifted through the door.

You waited anxiously. He stepped in, clad in a black silk robe and gently rubbing his hair with the back of his towel. Your eyes studied his figure, one that was almost too beautiful for you sight. The robe was loosely tied so that his toned chest was exposed and his wet hair look….my god, was that your weakness.

A sharp “tch” snapped you out of your thoughts. He had lifted his gaze to see you, still in the same spot he left you in.

Your stomach fluttered seeing his realization that were defying him. A sly smile crossed your lips as you fixated your stare on his narrowed eyes. Dropping the towel on the floor, he approached you quickly, bending down to pinch your cheeks in his hand in a rather tight grip.

“You think this is funny? I told you to be in position when I finished.”

You cocked your brow, your brattiness still stirring despite his grip on your face.

“Didn’t feel like it”

In response to your tone, Shoto moved his hand from your cheeks to your hair, yanking you up and walking you over to the bed.

He pushed you over, as you stumbled to catch the side of the mattress, looking back at him, biting your lip, challenge still glimmering in your eyes as you silently dared him to do his worst.

Boiling with pure annoyance at your disobedience from earlier, the dominant in Shoto leaped out as he turned your head, forcing your upper body into the mattress. Your shorts were pulled down and his hand found the bridge in your back as he pushed down, hard.

“Stay right fucking there. I swear if you move.”

He went to the dresser and you could hear him fumbling through his belts. Once he came back over, he smoothed it and doubled it over. Keeping your composure, you tried to peer over at him, to which he noticed and quickly took his left hand and pushed your face forward.

“Keep your eyes forward. You’re going to watch.”

You were facing the mirror that sat on the other side of your bed. Shoto kept his hand in your hair and brought down the belt to grazed your ass. You didn’t even see it in the air before you felt it. Taken aback by the force, you fell slightly forward and bit the sheets.

“What did I say- eyes up” Shoto barked.

You looked up with fire in your eyes, glaring at him. Seeing how mad you were did nothing but to intensify his hits, determined to break the brat in you tonight.

Smack. The second one came down hard and biting down on your lip, you struggled to keep your shriek in. “Sho-“ you whined quietly.

Shoto wasn’t pleased with your lack of response and continued to rain down spanks with no rest between, inevitably forcing tears to spring out of your eyes. “Who’s Sho? What do you call me princess? Better start acting right or this gets worse for you.”

“I-I meant Daddyy” you try and make up for your mistake. You looked at your reflection, now falling apart at the hands of your husband.

Your whimpers satisfied his ears as he threw the belt to the ground and stepped back to admire his work. Bending down to place a soft kiss on it, he let his tongue trace the newly formed welts.

“I didn’t want to do this princess, but you had to learn a lesson for being such a brat earlier,” he mumbled against your skin. You swayed your hips back, still panting from how winded the spanking got you. The coolness of his tongue felt soothing and for a moment you thought that was it. But he was far from done with you.

He spun you around. Falling back on the arm chair and untying his robe, he stared you down.

“Strip.”

You only had your bra and shirt still on but shyly slipped out of them. His eyes ravaged your figure, thirsty to have you at his mercy. His hand rubbed against his robe, ready for some release.

“Come here. You’re going to suck me off and make me feel good”

Shoto gestured for you to sit at his feet, to which you followed. Your ass sat back on your heels, still tender and red. Looking up at him, you reached for his cock. He grabbed your wrist and threw it back.

“No hands, use your teeth.”

With that, you glided your teeth over his robe and gently unwrapped it from his body. His dick revealed itself to you and you licked at it before Shoto grew impatient.

“Stop with the teasing” he hissed and pushed you down. If there was something you were an absolute beast at, it was giving head. Shoto knew it too. He knew you were capable of taking his length expertly. As you sank down on him, he threw his head back with a deep moan.

“Fuuuck Y/N, you know how to please Daddy. What a good girl”

His praises made you melt as you responded with sloppy gags as your eyes rolled up to look at him. He was barely holding on, you could see it in his expression. Turned on by your gaze, he wrapped his hands around your head and forced you down. You stayed there until you sputtered and your throat burned, leading you to pinching his thigh twice- the signal you used for when you couldn’t take it. He pulled you off sharply, briefly scanning you for any real distress. Despite having an actual dark side, even in the bedroom, Shoto would never take it too far, so long as you permitted it. He opted to teach you lessons when needed, but would never fully want to break you.

You looked up at him- mascara running and saliva smeared on your chin and smirked. “Done already?” you teased. Taking this as an indication that you were fine, his expression flickered back to his dominant demeanor. “As if,” he scuffed. “I’m far from done with your bratty ass.”

Thrusting his dick back in your mouth, your breath hitched in surprise. Shoto was now frowning down on you, watching you bob up and down. “Fuck babe, I’m gonna cum” he exhaled out. You closed your eyes and prepared yourself, all while he repeatedly hit the back of your throat.

He groaned as he released and you felt the warmth seep on your tongue. “Hold it, don’t swallow,” Shoto ordered. You froze in surprise, never being told to do this before. As his cum shot into your mouth, the taste was too strong, you gulped it down before even giving his request a second thought.

“Did you just swallow it?” Shoto looked down, obviously disappointed. “You’re such a fucking slut you couldn’t even wait to drink my cum couldn’t you?”

He brought his thumb to lift your face to meet his. “And here I thought you were starting to learn. But you’re still a bad girl, Y/N....sooo bad”

You shivered in his touch. Fuck. You didn’t mean to swallow. You had already dropped the brattiness in hopes of getting properly fucked after your spanking, but now you dug yourself a deeper hole.

Shoto lifted you and pushed you on the bed, where you fell face first into the pillows.

“Get your fucking ass up in the air” he mumbled, as he hitched your hips up roughly. You stayed on your forearms, waiting in your vulnerable position for whatever he had in store. He slid off the bed to the headboard, where he had attachments for cuffs you two used every now and then.

“Hands.”

You offered him your wrists, watching as he cuffed them straight above you. You laid on your stomach with your hands attached to the bed, your ass up and out before him. Shoto moved to examine your perfectly posed frame, all for him. You were a blank canvas for him to mark as he pleased.

You winced as he dragged his hand on your sensitive ass, his fingers slipping ever so lightly over your folds, making you lighthead. “Shoto please, I didn’t mean it. I just wanted to be a good girl, please”

Your reasoning did nothing to offset the mans intentions. “Oh princess, you’ll be a good girl by the time I’m done with you” he calmly said, moving his face to be at face level with your slit. Without warning, he brought his tongue to your entrance and began violently lapping streaks up and down. You squealed. Both of you had oral game that was out of this world. Your mind swirled as he continued to devour you, his thumb reaching around to rub your clit. You felt a tingling creeping up and with that, you started to mewl Shoto’s name. He pinched your clit roughly and muttered through eating you out “uh uh, that’s not my name”

The added vibrations of his voice against your most sensitive parts made you cry out. “Daddy! I’m gonna cum” With that, he took it away. His tongues, his fingers, everything- gone. Frustration built up in your chest as you tried to grind back against something….anything.

Shoto let out a menacing chuckle. “Baby, you aren’t going to cum until I say you can, understand?”

You grit your teeth and nod. Of course.

“Look at you. Fucking dripping like a whore. Your pussy is just waiting to be filled, isn’t that right?”

Still caught up in your lost orgasm, you weren’t paying attention. That is until an icy hand wrapped around your throat, jerking you up and arching your back against his chest.

“Answer me,” he growled softly in your ear.

“Y-yes daddy. I want to be filled by your cock”

Shoto sighed in approval and reached up to adjust the cuffs, directing you to lay on your back. You wiggled under him and watched him ready himself. Pushing the hair away from your face, he leaned down to his your temple and whispered “You ready for Daddy to fuck you into your place, princess?”

You nodded slowly, now under his spell, fully submissive….straight up putty in his hands.

He lined himself up with you and slowly inched inside, carefully watching as your face contorted. He bottomed out and fell forward, only stopping for a few seconds to let your adjust before he began his pace. It was brutal. He took his length out before slamming it all in, forcing your breath to be stuck in your throat.

“Daddy- unf..harder..please”

Shoto smirked and leaned back, placing your legs on his shoulders. He continued to drill into you, your hands growing sore off the cuffs as you were rocked up and down. You didn’t care. The insane pleasure outweighed the pain.

“Look at me”

Your half lidded eyes sprung open to stare into Shoto’s, full of lust. He smiled at your mangled expression.

“Looks like my pretty little princess has been broken. Tell me, did you learn your lesson?”

“MMhmmm” you can barely draw out any words as you nod fervently, as he went deeper into you.

Shoto slowed down temporarily to reach over to the dresser to grab a small bullet vibrator.

Oh no. You thought. You knew how one of Shoto’s favorite punishments were edging and overstimulation. You had hoped he forgot but then again, when did he ever.

Placing the vibrator on your clit, Shoto flipped it on, drawing an immediate cry from you. Your cuff hands yanked against their restraints to no avail. You tried squeezing your legs closed, only to be met by his hand roughly pushing it back open.

“The fuck do you think you’re doing? Stay put, you’re taking this punishment.”

You looked at him with pleading eyes. You knew this was going to push you over. He hiked it up to the highest setting and you turned your head to bite in your arm to suppress your screams. Between his cock rutting in and out of you at an unforgiving speed and the vibrations, you weren’t sure how much more you could take. You began to see stars.

“Don’t you dare cum. Hold it.”

“I can’t! It’s too much” you cried, tears spilling over as you whined, begging your husband to take it easy.

“You wanted to be a brat today, you can take it. You won’t cum until I tell you to”

His words made you heave in frustration. How the hell were you going to hold out?

Suddenly, the vibrator turned off, his dick left you, but his head dipped down quickly. Pretty soon, three fingers were pumping in and out as you continued to feel your orgasm approaching. Shoto licked and sucked your clit, knowing you were on the edge. He softly bit at it, which made your hips rise off the bed and plead for your release.

“Please daddy! I can’t anymore, I have to cum”

He watched you writhe, not saying anything and his lack of response made you question whether it wad okay to let go. He was teasing you. Shoto continued slamming his fingers into your g-spot as he looked up.

“Cum, Y/N. Cum all over my fingers”

Not even a second after you heard his permission, your orgasm hit you hard as you came undone on his hand. Looking satisfied he retracted his hand from your pussy. Moving up, he thrust his cock back into you. Eyes shooting open, you stifle a scream as he plowed your now overly sensitive cunt.

“Ahhh~ I can’t again, its too sensitive Sho, not so fast”

“I haven’t came yet angel, don’t be fucking selfish” he growled as he chased his high. Holding your hips down into the bed, you felt his quirk lightly activate, as your left hip started to freeze and your right was heating up. Tears streamed as you silently screamed, overly stimulated to the point where your voice was knocked out of you. Shoto grunted, falling on top of you, as he reached his peak.

Sighing into your neck, he collapsed beside you. Reaching up, he unfastened you from the headboard and you brought your hands down to massage them. Just as fast as your little session had manifested, the dark glow was gone from Shoto. He lightly kissed your slightly bruised wrists. “Sorry,” he looked up with a soft face. You returned a small smile to him.

“You’re such a good girl, Y/N. I love you” he smirked before getting up to get a glass of water. You sighed. There was just something about him you could never get enough of.

#todoroki x reader #shoto torodoki #shoto todoroki x reader #todoroki x you #bnha imagines #bnha smut #mha imagines #mha smut #brat taming #todoroki #bnha todoroki #shouto headcanons #bnha shouto #bnha lemon #todoroki lemon

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stop-breaking-my-heart-telltale · 3 years

Note

I played these games with my sister (she's never played before now) and I got SO FRUSTRATED with her bc she liked louis in ep1 but then got pissed at him when he was mad at aj for killing marlon 💀she brushed off when I explain it to her but she didn't forgive him and let him get captured... it makes me sad that people still don't bother to care about what he went threw with marlons death. let him fucking grieve GOD...

Oof, I'm sorry, anon. It is frustrating. Hell, remember when ep2 first dropped and so many people were butthurt and pissy that Louis was upset? At least there were a ton of people out here defending him and trying to help explain why he behaves that way.

It's kinda funny though that there are still people in the community who dismiss him in ep2. Not nearly as many as when the ep first dropped obviously, but I still come across posts and comments about it.

Like when I snoop around on reddit [because apparently I just never learn] there'll be posts where this gets brought up and you see shit like "Louis was a dick and he betrayed us!" and other various things of equal dingus quality. I assume at this point it's either new people saying this or people who willfully ignore the Louis side of things.

Like yes, random reddit dingus, I'm aware that Marlon wasn't the best guy around. We all know that he gave the twins away and murdered Brody, we were all there. But this whole idea of "Louis should just get over it because Marlon sucks and Clementine is perfect" is dumb?

It's like when people go back to S1 when Lilly lost her father. Yeah, Larry's a piece of shit and no one liked him, but he was Lilly's father and she loved him even though he treated her bad, and watching Kenny smash his face in was traumatizing? it fucked her up pretty good? and stuck with her and is a major factor in why she became terrible in tfs? and like....... No, Lilly, don't you get it?

Larry was garbage, so you should just get over his death. Why can't you just get over it Lilly, he was only your abusive father who treated everyone like shit, including you. Who cares if he was the only family you had left and your relationship was way more complicated than what we're initially left to believe. He was a terrible person, therefore your feelings about his death are completely invalid and Kenny was right all along.

And yeah, I know it's a little hmmm to use Lilly as an example due to what they did to her character in tfs but you get me.

because Marlon sucks and Clem can do no wrong, Louis' feelings and grief are invalid and he sucks too........... but like no.

Marlon was Louis' best friend for 8+ years. Louis had complete faith in Marlon, and blindly trusted him. He was heartbroken when he found out what Marlon did to the twins and Brody. He didn't wanna believe it. I mean, would you? Your best friend gets accused of murder and giving away the twins to become soldiers for some raiders, and is now threatening to kill your new friend? You wanna believe him because you don't want to believe he could do these things. It's a lot, and I don't doubt that Louis was overwhelmed with all this information and what was happening before him.

But when Clementine appeals to him, Louis gathers all the strength he has to step between them and try to solve this peacefully, to deescalate the situation because yeah, what Marlon did was fucked up and Louis isn't trying to excuse that? He's not trying to justify anything?

But then AJ murders him, and Louis witnesses the whole thing. I don't know about you, but that would fuck me up pretty good. He has every right to be upset and want both AJ and Clem the hell away from him.

God, and then the damn funeral.... yeah, great idea, bring Clementine and AJ to the funeral, that probably won't cause any issues, yep.

Honestly, I don't blame Louis for leaving when AJ starts talking about wanting to atone [or if you said he's justified, but like why would you?]. He's not thinking rationally, he's grieving, he's acting this way because he's hurting.... but hell, he doesn't even have time to properly do that. It's not like Marlon died and then he had weeks or months or years to work through that before the raiders came pounding at their doors.

Plus, he's got Violet constantly invalidating his feelings and grief because "fuck Marlon just get over yourself Louis you can be such a shithead" and the others probably aren't helping him much given how he's viewed and treated, and he can't talk to Clementine because things are still uncomfortable there...... so he's by himself coming to terms with everything.

Throw in his guilt over AJ getting shot and well..... it's not great.

But no.... Louis should just get over it. Marlon was a liar and a murderer and that means everything you had with him in the past 8 years doesn't count so..... get over yourself, Louis.

I cannot roll my eyes any harder.

Sidenote, but if you look through some of these people's other posts, they'll comment about how Luke didn't react to Nick's death in S2 and how bullshit that was, or how Clementine's behavior in ANF was understandable and we give her a rough time, or how Violet's grief over losing the twins or being captured is often misinterpreted and we should be more open and empathetic with her...

Now I'm not saying that these people only use certain arguments when it helps the case they're trying to make and ignore these same things when it comes to characters they don't like..... all I'm saying is that it's a little funny that you got what you asked for, but since it happened to come from Louis, you suddenly change your mind and decide he reacted TOO MUCH to Marlon's death and was just too mean to Clem and AJ.

#asks #twdg louis #twdg marlon #twdg clementine #twdg aj #💚

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mydriases · 4 years

Text

Kissing HC for Trey, Jade and Silver

@pixel-word asked: Can you do kissing headcannons with jade, silver and trey.. i loved your headcannons!!!

And thanks to you for waiting, oops-

Trey Clover

✧ Even before you became Trey's partner, you noticed the sense of comfort he carried with him. When it was just the two of you, you felt good, safe. His presence reassured you. His voice was familiar, his words always welcome. He was part of your daily life, your moments of solitude were accompanied by his presence without it disturbing you. There was the twenty-five minutes before curfew shared with him in front of the fireplace in the common room, a daily reminder of the importance he had taken on in your life. One day, sitting side by side on one of the couches, the distance between the two of you was reduced to nothing as your lips connected for the first time, and never had you shared such a sweet, intimate moment with another person.

✧ Those moments became more numerous each day of your relationship. Your daily rendezvous was the only time you could really let go without fear of setting a bad example for the other students. Once they were in their respective rooms, Trey's hand slipping into the crook of your back is the signal that your love for him can be expressed in more than just words. Turning towards him, he would tilt your head to let you see the contented smile on his face, once the visual agreement is made he would let this hand caress your skin till nestling in the back of your neck. In this embrace, the sweet smell of pastries made during the day would tickle your nostrils and his familiar warmth would guide you to get even to him to initiate the kiss.

✧ Contrary to his scent, Trey's kisses aren't sweet, unless he hasn't had time to brush his teeth, of course. On a more serious note, it all depends on the atmosphere between the two of you. He knows how to show himself with a sweetness that can almost become painful, resisting any attempt to speed things up, leaving you unsatisfied. He will withdraw, just enough to observe your reaction, while his eyes will smile mischievously as your breaths continue to entwine. Depending on your actions, it could be that things will go faster. Lips will pull away to find each other again as quickly as possible. Hands tracing paths on the skin as the embrace you share continues to tighten. Sadly, the time will come to separate, to slow the pace and calm the ardours. There are some things for which you have to take your time and choose the right moment.

✧ In broad daylight, when hiding the signs of affection is more necessary, he would be satisfied to chastely kiss your forehead before you both head to your respective classes. In a setting surrounded by friendly faces he’d allow himself to kiss your cheek, bending over to catch your scent one last time. Don't hesitate to return the affection. A kiss here and there in a breeze to help you wait for the rendezvous of the evening. If it were up to you, you wouldn't hide from anyone -maybe not to the point of throwing yourself into a languid kiss in the middle of the hall- but the responsibilities that come with being a vice-dorm leader’s partner prevent you from doing so. But hey, there will come a time when discretion to preserve everyone's good behavior will be a thing of the past. Until then, empty corridors are filled with the thrill of being found.

Jade Leech

✧ Your first kiss with Jade was the result of a pent-up tension built day after day. The fleeting glances- a charming smirk adorning his face when he would see you averting your eyes-, the nearly imperceptible touches -his fingers brushing against your shoulders as he helped you to take off your coat-. All little things that led you to go again and again to the Mostro Lounge. Spending all of your free time and money, there in the hope to see him. It took a lot of time for the small talk to become a real conversation, perhaps because of the fact that when his eyes met yours you would recoil instinctively, feeling both flustered and nervous. But once there, the hardest part behind, it was the ticking of the Louge’s clock that dared you to make the first move. And you did, because it was clear that he knew, that he had to know how infatuated you were. A hand on the counter, a knee coming to join and, in the most dramatic gesture of your life, you climbed up on the bar, brought Jade to you and kissed him. It would be a lie to say it was a romantic moment. Because of the impulse, your teeths collided and you found yourself apologizing, full of shame, in front of a laughing Jade.

✧ After such an eventful first kiss, and a second done more carefully, the after hours of the Mostro Lounge were nevermore the same for Jade. Though he can’t lie and say that he didn’t take great pleasure in the process of slowly and surely seducting you, finally being able to touch you properly is far more satisfying. The proper hand-kissing -lips never even brushing the skin- while looking over you with the most charming expression was fun for a while but teasing can only do so much for someone in love. So, since your odd declaration of love (was it how humans usually do?), he at last was able to kiss other places.

✧ Your neck was his favorite area to shower with kisses. Human skin, he learned, is really soft and sensitive in this area. His sharp teeths would brush slightly and gently against your neck as you would feel you knees getting weak. Jade relishes teasing you for his amusement and stopping just before crossing the line but even if taking the lead always guarantees a pleasant moment it doesn’t mean he doesn’t enjoy when you’re the forward one. Grab his collar and make him lean towards you (this time gently enough to not end up colliding with him of course) and he’ll be entirely yours.

✧ When he offers his arm to you, which may more or less happen whether of not the hand-kissing made you melt, you’ll be able to kiss his shoulder to display of your affection since depending on your height it may require good strategy to discreelty get a kiss. You can also jump at him. I mean... it’s 50/50, he may catch you or the both of you will just fall (it is all about the speed at which you’re running at him).

Silver

✧ Kisses with Silver started as a treat after training. You jokily said that you wanted a kiss as a reward after a particulary rough session and Silver complied, giving you a kiss on your forehead (which for the relationship you had at that time felt really intimate). Feeling bold, you decided to push your luck a bit more every day. A kiss on the head, one on the back of your hand, one on the cheek. To your surprise he never refused, even when Sebek ranted that Silver should take sparring more seriously and stop being lovey-dovey with you. It made the boy flush slightly but he never stopped. Actually, it's almost as if he started doing it more often just to annoy Sebek (in a way you can thanks the loud fanboy for that).

✧ Eventually, some people oustide of your group of friends took notice of the habit and assumed that the two of you were a couple. Between the bored teenagers debating whether or not you were dating and your classmates asking you to give this to Silver, please, you always know where he is, followed by a terrible wink, of course. Though you secretly didn't find any of this depleasant -it was flattering even, like a foretaste of how being with Silver would be received by those around you -. But it was only your opinion, therefore you'd decided that it was a good excuse to test the waters with Silver.

✧ As long as it didn't interfere with Malleus' reputation the rumors didn't bother him, he told you. A good thing, really ; but it didn't give you any informations on how exactly he felt about being considered your boyfriend. You put an end to this issue quickly enough : after a training where it was only the two of you, you decided that since you had won most of the rounds you deserved a reward better than the previous ones. That is, a kiss on the lips. And if you could, you would settle for nothing less. When you put your cards on the table there was an embarassing moment where you thought that you were the dumbest person in the whole world. No worries, you got your kiss, and though your brain froze for an instant, you soon asked for another one. It wasn't everyday that you beated him after all!

✧ Now that the last barrier had collapsed, there was nothing restricting you from kissing Silver without the excuse of the recompense. Although you can't really smooch your boyfriend at school (you're here to study, remember what your parents told you), there's still plenty of occasions to show your love in a more physical way. Mostly by waking him up in a swarm of butterfly kisses to be honest, which depending on the context to the situation may result in a counterattack (spoilers : he always wins) or simply thanking you while smiling tenderly. On Silver’s part, he’s more prone to kiss you before falling asleep, peppering your face or your neck if an intimate moment just occured.

#twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland x reader #trey clover #trey clover x reader #jade leech #jade leech x reader #silver x reader #twst silver

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dreadpoetssociety · 4 years

Text

Her Over Me

TW: death, verbal fighting

Request: Maybe can you do a Spence x teen! Daughter where Spencer’s new girlfriend is a total ass to y/n and despite her efforts to convince Spencer that she’s extremely harsh, Spencer brushes her off and ignores her until she finally snaps and gets enough of his ignorance, lashing out on him unexpectedly for caring so much for his girlfriend instead of his daughter and she just runs to Garcia’s or JJ’s or smth and spencer finally realizes the truth when his gf asks where the annoying ‘brat’ is? Thank u!

Note: Okay, hopefully this is alright HAH I’ve never written one with Spencer being a dad before, but this was fun. Thank you for the request!!

Pairings:

Spencer Reid x Girlfriend

Spencer Reid x Daughter!Reader

()()()()()()

You never liked your fathers new girlfriend. You weren’t sure what he saw in her, or how he didn’t notice the pure evil that bubbled inside the woman’s veins, considering he was a profiler and a genius and all that. He should’ve noticed her behavior a long time ago.

But alas, he didn’t. As the saying goes, love is blind. You’d tried to bring it up a few times, only to be brushed off, and gave up once you understood he was never going to believe you. The woman was nice to you in front of him, but became someone else when he was gone. You were convinced that if he wasn’t so head over heels for her, he probably would’ve noticed. It was so out of character for him not to, but for a while you didn’t want to ruin his happiness. He hadn’t been interested in anyone since your mom passed away, and even though he pretended to be happy, you had the genetics of a profiler, and just knew he hadn’t been for so long. Not completely, anyway.

When she came home, your mood changed, as though you were putting an extra wall up.

“Y/N, get over here and take these bags. I won’t wait.” she said.

“Alright.” you for the most part just tried to be compliant. You didn’t want any issues, or even worse, punishment, which had happened more than once now due to her incredible lying of ‘Y/N said this, Y/N said that, I think it’s because she doesn’t like me’ blah blah blah. She knew which buttons to push.

“Hurry it up, I have things to do.” she said angrily. You picked up the grocery bags and placed them on the island in the kitchen area. As you did, though, a glass salsa jar fell out and onto the floor, cracking into two pieces. You quickly started picking up the pieces and frantically tried to clean it.

“My God, Y/N! I just bought that! You can’t get anything right, can you? I don’t even understand why Spencer doesn’t just put you up for god damn adoption, you’re such a pain to be around. You owe me three dollars and fifty cents for that, and gas money to go back to the store.” she yelled, “For God sake, if I was your mom, I’d die, too.”

You stopped. You turned so quickly that it would’ve given someone whiplash. This was it. This was the last straw. All those times of her calling you a burden, of her blaming everything on you, trying to get rid of you in any way she could. She doesn’t belong in this family. She’s an outsider. What right does she have mentioning your mother. It hit too close to home, especially since you beat yourself up every day over feeling guilty of your mother’s death, and missing her more than words could even describe. It was your breaking point.

“You know what, Catherine,”

“Catrina” she interrupted.

“Catherine!” you screamed, “You vile, stupid excuse of a woman. Keep my mother out of your slimy, filthy mouth. You don’t have a place in this house.”

“Excuse me? How dare you tell me what to do, you stupid brat! I’ll tell Spencer about how awful you are, and maybe he’ll punish you again.”

“Honestly Caitlin, I don’t give a god damn. Put your own groceries away. In fact-“ you turned around and dropped all the glass piece back to the floor, “you can clean them the hell up, too.” the two of you broke out in a screaming match then, throwing insults back and forth at the top of your lungs.

Eventually, Spencer walked in at some point. You didn’t notice, but Catrina did. Her tone had changed, and she as calmer, and anomy somewhat nicer while you absolutely destroyed her.

“Y/N!” he yelled. You turned around. You’d never heard him yell at you like that before.

“Dad! I swear to you. She is literally so harsh. She treats me like trash! And you just let her! She brought up mo-“

“Really? Because I’m pretty sure it’s you who’s screaming at her. I know you’re upset because you miss your mom, but you can’t throw tantrums like this anymore, Y/N.”

You stopped. Anymore? Tantrums? You had et your father’s girlfriend walk all over you this whole time. All those times she got you in trouble she’d bent the truth dramatically. You hadn’t even yelled at her once until now.

“You’re really going to believe her over your own kid, aren’t you?” you shook your head, “You know what, that’s cool. Do what you want. I’ll do what Cathy has wanted me to do the whole time and see myself out. You know, for some alleged genius and incredible profiler, you’re too easily manipulated. Have fun on date night.”

“Y/N, get back here!”

But it was too late. You’d snatched the keys, walked out and slammed the door. Your eyes were blurry as the apartment elevator closed before Spencer could get to you, and you made your way down to the garage.

You got in the car and just drove. You weren’t sure where your body was taking you, but it was just on autopilot, and you eventually ended up at JJ’s, a coworker of your father’s.

You rang the bell, practically about to pass out from crying so much. JJ answered the door pretty quickly, and her face dropped with incredible amounts of concern that you could almost feel it.

“Y/N, oh my God, what’s going on?”

“Spen- and- a- an-“ you couldn’t even speak. You’d put up with this witch for so long for him, and you were his kid, and he just believed her so easily.

“Okay, hey, hey wait. Come inside, you have to sit down, okay?” JJ helped you in to her living room. The house was seemingly empty, so you assumed Will must’ve taken the kids somewhere. For a few minutes you just cried on her couch while she sat next to you trying to comfort you. Eventually calming down, you began to explain everything from the beginning. The disgusted looks, the insults, the lying, the this, the that, just everything.

“Y/N, I’m so sorry, that’s terrible.” JJ said, “Spence really hasn’t said anything about it?”

“No! Literally nothing! He doesn’t even think it’s happening. He doesn’t find it suspicious at all it’s so weird. He gives a damn so much about her that he’ll just like, see past it.” you replied.

“That’s so unlike him.” she said, “Do you want me to talk to him?”

You shook your head, “It’s just cause more problems with his dumb girlfriend. I don’t even care that he has a girlfriend! He thinks that I hate her because I miss my mom, but I hate her because she’s so mean to me all the time when he isn’t around. The only reason I lost it today was because she brought up my mom.”

“Is that why you got angry at her? What’d she say?”

“She literally said that if she were my mom, she’d die, too. Like firstly, who says that? What kind of insult is that? Secondly, who would bring up someone’s literal dead mother in any situation, let alone over a stupid jar?” you asked. JJ shrugged, not knowing what to say. You both talked for a few more hours after that, ignoring every attempt Spencer had tried to call you.

“Y/N, you’re genuinely welcome here any time if you need to get away from that.” she said.

“Thanks, JJ, I honestly might take you up on that.” you smiled. You said your goodbyes and made your way home.

When you walked through the front door of your apartment, you saw the two of them sitting on the couch together. Spencer looked at you, you looked back and just walked into your room as though life was normal. That’s all you could do for now. For the following few days, you spent most of your time at JJ’s. Penelope was there too, every once in a while, and once you told her the story, she almost went to straighten Spencer out herself. Garcia wasn’t the type to get angry, but when she was, it was like the day had just suddenly turned to night it was so dark. But, you convinced her out of it, saying you’d deal with it somehow and that you didn’t want anyone else involved.

Spencer had been waiting for his girlfriend to go out when you mysteriously disappeared for the millionth time this week. She walked in a black body con dress, and her beauty almost mesmerized him.

“Hey,” she smiled. She quickly looked around as her and Spencer got closer, “where’s that annoying little brat?”

And that’s when it finally clicked for him. All of those behaviors he’d picked up on, the way she looked at the top of his head when talking about how you had done something, the way her voice seemed to fluctuate, even just the way she walked around the house. It was almost like a snap back to reality for him, and he regretted ignoring it before. He knew now that you were telling the truth this whole time, and that he’d just looked over you.

“Get out.” he said.

“Spence, what?”

“That’s Dr. Reid for you. Get out of my house. You lied this whole time about Y/N.” his voice was raising, which she’d never seen happen before.

“What? Spence- no, let’s talk this out, you don’t understand!”

“You’re right, I don’t understand. How can I understand someone who treats my kid like nothing and lies about her for no reason? I can understand what you get out of it, a power trip, maybe. Maybe it stems from how you were raised as a child, since you said your mother did the same to you and now you’re doing it unto someone else. So most likely she’s just a surrogate to represent your younger self, correct? You’ve got the same hair color and eye color, so it actually adds up.” he rambled off angrily, but he stopped quickly, “Get out. Take your crap with you. Don’t call me again, we’re done.”

He slammed the door behind her.

When Spencer showed up to JJ’s house, you, Garcia, and JJ fell silent.

“Y/N, can we talk privately?” he asked. Looking at the two other women, they nodded their heads and gestured for you to go. You both walked out to Spencer’s car, getting in, and starting for a drive.

“Y/N, I’m so sorry, you were right this whole time.”

“Yeah, I know.” you retorted. He sighed.

“Genuinely, Y/N. Catrina’s gone I kicked her out. I should’ve seen who she really was from the beginning. I noticed all the signs and just went anyway. More importantly I should’ve listened to you.”

You stayed silent. What were you supposed to do in a situation like this? You were still mad at him, but wanted to forgive him.

“I’m genuinely sorry.”

“I’ll forgive you eventually, but I’m pissed about it for now.” you stated.

“Which completely makes sense, you have every right to be.”

“Something that might help your case would be a nice trip to the mall, you know. . . “ you smirked. He laughed. The two of you drove around for about an hour and a half talking things out, and the day ended with you, Spencer, Garcia, and JJ all going out together. Of course, not before Garcia and JJ almost killed him, but once it was somewhat settled, the four of you had a good time, especially with you having the satisfaction of knowing that Catrina was literally kicked out of your house.

#Spencer reid #Dr Spencer Reid #Doctor Spencer Reid #Criminal minds x Reader #criminal minds x y/n #criminal minds x you #JJ #Jennifer Jereau #Penelope Garcia #Garcia #Spencer x daughter reader #daughter reader

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chaoticallysapphic · 4 years

Text

the great trial part one

summary: This was meant to be the easy part. The part filled with brightness and love. The war was over and you had the love of your life all to yourself. No more Baatar, no more secrecy and no more lies. But with the calm comes the realization as all the adrenaline finally leaves you. Now you know, this is the hard part.

a/n: So remember when I said I wouldn’t post anything until the sequel was done? Well it turns out I need validation to thrive and would love peoples feedback on the series so I’ve decided that I am going to slowly release what I currently have while trying to finally finish what’s left. Thank you to @medeliadracon for beta reading this and @ladyxffandoms for being such a big help! This wouldn’t nearly be as good without the two of you.

This is the sequel to the great divide series.

word count: 4k

That first month in your new apartment is probably the worst. You guys were able to find a small one on the bottom floor of a complex. It had a small side garden with a lemon tree and vines growing up the side of the building and your dad was already talking to about all the flowers you could plant together.

Suyin put you on house arrest as well which caused an uproar with not only Kuvira, who offered to take your year for herself, but also your parents. You would be stuck inside for a year whilst she would have to stick it out for three. Kuvira hated how you were paying for her actions, she didn’t see how wrong it was for you to turn a blind eye for three years. No one knew the pressure she put you under.

Your parents offered to pay the bills. They were comfortable enough with your mom's Lieutenant salary and with your father's popular flower shop. They even bought you guys furniture and upon your request paint to personalize your first home.

Somehow once that front door shuts, leaving you both inside with furniture randomly stacked around in the living for the both of you to organize along with paint cans and boxes of your belongings, the room feels like the air has been sucked out of it. You’ve dreamed of this day for years and it isn’t going at all how you planned.

She doesn’t get what the big deal is, she’s just happy she’s not stuck in a prison cell. That frustrated look on your face is new and with a sharp reply at some snappy comment you made, she realizes she doesn’t like it.

Kuvira gets pissed that the couch is too heavy, the paint isn’t the right shade, and even though she claims she doesn’t care it’s what you’ve dreamt, and dammit you deserve for it to come true. A plate cracks, silverware is dropped, the bookcase is too small for all your childhood books and one of you (Kuvira) already managed to scuff up the floors.

This, the after, is meant to be the easy part. There aren't any more battles or secrets, train rides, or negotiations. It’s the two of you in your first apartment and this day is supposed to be a happy one. This is meant to be a peaceful and happy day with stolen kisses as you lazily unpack. You’re meant to be starting over and it’s not supposed to be so difficult.

The sun has gone down and the lights dimly illuminate your disaster of a living space. Nothing has been accomplished. You grip the roots of your hair as the paint issue is once more brought up “why does it matter? It’s a decent color!”

“Because it’s not what I envisioned!”

“Well, we can’t always get what we want! What, are we going to have your parents return it?” Spirits! She doesn’t get it, your vision of the future was sacred, something you held tight for all those years. It has to be at least slightly like you imagined it, and this isn’t right.

To Kuvira, your behavior is starting to remind her of a spoiled child upset about not getting the last piece of candy.

“You don’t get it! It matters to me, we’re gonna be living here for the next three years. I think we should at least like what we put on the walls!” You storm away, slamming the bedroom shut behind you. There aren’t many places to hide here, all the main living space is combined along with a very small bathroom, one wall is completely windows that show the small garden and by the kitchen is the door to the bedroom.

Kuvira stands frozen in the living room, slightly flinching as the door slams shut. She understands that there will be a rocky adjustment period. She admitted that day in the tent that she needs to work on the way she treats you.

But she didn’t expect it to go south so fast. While you have your version of how today is meant to go, so does she. Kuvira hoped today would go along smoothly, she didn’t care about the furniture or walls, she simply wanted to peacefully start off your new life together on a good note.

You aggressively rub at your eyes as you feel tears of frustration well up before sitting down on the edge of your bed. That’s at least one thing that seems to be working out, all the beds you shared in the past were rather small (besides the one in the Beifong estate) so it was a relief to see them carry in a queen-sized bed for both of you. You lay down over the covers and sighed. Tomorrow will be better, you tell yourself.

You don’t mean to fall asleep, you just planned to lay there and stew in your emotions a bit before getting up and trying to talk it out. So when you awake with a start, your hand immediately goes to search for that familiar body. You choke out a sob as you find the other side empty. Momentarily forgetting where you are, you begin to cry as you wrap your arms around yourself. The words “what did I do?” leave your lips.

You bring a hand to try and stifle the sound as your lungs squeeze out all the air it can. The room feels so small and the darkness of the night so terrifying.

There’s the sound of shuffling from the other side of the door before someone opens it up, Kuvira looks at you, her hair a curly mess from sleep. She squints, still half asleep before hearing you let out a whimper. She walks over, crawling onto the bed until she’s in front of you, her hands come up to move your wrists as you continue to try and muffle the sound. “Hey, hey what’s wrong?”

Your eyes shoot up to hers and you throw yourself at her, wrapping your arms around her neck. “You weren’t here,” you cry. Kuvira’s eyebrows shoot up at your words before wrapping her arms around your waist, pulling you closer to try and offer you some kind of comfort. “I thought…” you sniffle, “I thought we were back on the train.”

Suddenly Kuvira feels anger flame within herself but it’s not directed at you but her because she’s the reason you're crying. “I was just sleeping on the couch, no one else is here.” Baatar isn’t here. You grip her shirt for reassurance, the fear within you stays and it makes your joints ache with anxiety as you remember all those nights alone. “I thought you wanted to be alone.”

This side of you is brand new to her and so heartbreaking. She can feel the pounding of your heart and a part of her is worried it’ll break out of your chest. She’s done this to you, she’s made it so you're sobbing so hard you can barely breathe. As you shake in her arms, she realizes this can’t be avoided tomorrow.

You shake your head, not being able to say anything as you continue to cry. She moves her arms, an act that has you holding her tighter, and moves them to your hips so she can scoot you over so that the both of you can sleep. You seem to understand as your grip loosens just a smidgen as she slowly lays down and, due to your clinging, you follow.

Once on your sides, you wrap yourself around her, needing her to be as close as possible, and tuck your face into her neck. It’s not all that comfortable but it helps slow your heart rate down a bit.

In the morning you seem to not want to talk about your episode, you act as if nothing happened. She always tried to ignore the way you looked after those nights on the train, honestly, she was too busy trying to scrub away the events of the night before to have noticed how truly upset you looked.

But now in the light of day as your unpacking more dishes she notices the bags under your eyes and the unusual quiet in your demeanor. Your movements are stiff as you place the baking dishes into a bottom cabinet.

It’s like you're a shell of yourself, like last night that bright, loving person was poured out of you along with your tears. It terrifies her to see how quickly it can all shift.

“Y/n?” You look up, quirking a brow. “Can we talk about last night?”

You tense up a bit, brushing your hands over your sweatpants. “What about it?”

“About…” Kuvira furrows her brows in confusion, “Y/n I thought you were hurt when I woke up.” You bite your lip, fiddling with the ties of your pants. You don't talk about this, never in the past three years have you talked about things like this with her. It always upset her when you tried to talk about how her actions hurt you.

“Well I wasn't, just startled is all. Can you pass me that box?”

“You were shaking,” Kuvira places her hand on the box to keep it in place when she sees you walk over to grab it yourself. “Is that… Is that what happened every time I…?” She can’t seem to bring herself to say it, so you do.

“Every time you cheated on me?” You place your hands on your hips and sigh. “Just drop it Kuvira.” You rip the box out from under her grasp and walk away. Bile rises in your throat as those pesky images you’d dream up every time she was gone appear in your mind.

You set the box down harder than you mean to and the sound of something breaking has you cursing under your breath. Bolin isn’t here to spar with, to help calm you down with uppercuts and swift kicks to the shins.

Kuvira is stunned, left standing at the other side of the kitchen counter as she tries to make sense of her raging thoughts. Cheated. You're not wrong, but hearing you say it hurts. She never called it that, knowing if she did she’d have to admit what she was doing was wrong. And she could never be wrong, at least not then.

So she called it punishments because then she could justify what she was doing. It’s not like she liked doing it because she didn’t but it seemed to be the best way to control you at the time. It won’t matter if she says that though, she knows it’s wrong and if anything it’ll make this situation worse.

“I-I’m sorry,” she says softly, saying it makes her internally cringe, but she does mean it. You let out a huff, ignoring her as you open up the box. All the adrenaline of trying to save the day has left you, honestly, it left you around the time they slapped that stupid tracker onto your ankle but the lack of sleep and her trying to confront something you’d rather stay buried is getting to you.

When you go to pick up the broken dish the sharp edge cuts across your hand, you hiss out in pain and jerk your hand towards your chest, it’s not a deep cut but it still hurts like a bitch. Blood begins to seep out and the sight of that sickening deep red liquid coating your palm has Kuvira panicking.

Suddenly she’s back in the trunk with her heart in your hands as she watched you bleed out. Her hands feel warm and coated in the thickness of your blood once more. Her heart begins to race, deep in the back of her mind she knows it’s just a small cut but it’s only been a few weeks since you were so close to death.

Ignoring the fight at hand she rushes over to gently cradle your hand and pull it close, you yank your hand out of her grasp, her eyes shoot up to look at you with pinched brows. “I need to clean it, just let me clean it.” Her voice shakes as she desperately tries to take your hand back.

“I can’t…” This furious look settles on your features as you glare into her eyes before storming away towards the bathroom. She turns to follow you, her heart is pounding at the memories pouring out from the box she’s tried to shove them in. “I can’t look at you right now!”

The slam of the door effectively ends any chance of her chasing after you.

A couple of weeks goes by, the walls have now been painted the green you wanted and your dad brought over a second bookcase, then helped move the couch with Kuvira. He stops by often with baked goods and a fresh bouquet to replace the last. After that first day of moving in your mother doesn’t stop by though, he says she’ll come around, that she just needs time.

But Kuvira sees the crestfallen look that takes over your features every time you open the door, and she’s not there. It’s a Friday night, and he’s come over to help cook.

Things have been tense between you and Kuvira, you can’t seem to look her in the eyes. She’s tried multiple times to get you to look at her, but each time you keep your gaze trained on something behind her or her forehead.

What she doesn’t know is every time you do accidentally look at her, betrayal seeps through you as you remember all those nights alone. You don’t want to be filled with anger and hurt every time you look at her, but you don’t know what to do. Saying that word out loud, cheated, has opened a door you kept locked tight, spirits you had built a wall in front of it after that first time.

But now it’s blown off the hinges and fills you up, threatening to spill at any moment. You're sure your dad notices, but he thankfully doesn’t comment. He’s commandeered Kuvira to fill the dumplings, saying “these are her favorite, anytime she got sick or upset I’d make these for her and everything would be okay again.”

You ignore him as he tries to converse with Kuvira, her replies are short and awkward as she doesn’t know how to conduct herself around him yet. Opening up a bottle of wine for yourself you try to work on the broth for the soup, desperately trying to tune her out. You love your father so much and you're happy to be near him again, but you wish he’d just go home.

Meanwhile, Kuvira is loving his company, not only does it force you to be civil, but she gets a chance to get on his good side. She knows how much your parents mean to you and whilst it will probably take a village to get your mother to like her again, she thinks she has a shot with your dad.

“And then! Oh, I think she was five when she realized what her mark meant, it was so adorable she-” Your dad laughs, suddenly you're filled with embarrassment as he continues. “She asked if they would be pretty.”

You know he has good intentions but spirits now is not the time to bring up stupid soulmates. Does he not feel the tension between the two of you? You know that if he does, it’s probably slipped his mind that it’s not over something small. Your parents never had to worry about what to do if the other cheats on you multiple times whilst watching you suffer.

You fill up a glass for yourself, pouring it past the socially acceptable amount, and take a big sip before filling up two glasses for them. Part of you wants to be petty and not fill one up for her but your dad will point it out if you do. That bitter voice in your head reminds you of how Kuvira once shamed you for drinking. Fuck that.

“Between you and me I think she thinks you're pretty so five-year-old her would be very happy.” Kuvira coughs, letting out a chuckle as she shakes her head, not that you see since your back is turned. “I don’t know about that,” is her modest reply.

To hear stories about your childhood feels like a perfectly wrapped present to Kuvira. It makes her feel close to you despite your current circumstances and to hear about how obsessed you were with soulmates makes her want to wrap you up and shower you with love.

But the problem with this story is it makes Kuvira think about all the shitty things she did to you. To hear about all the excitement and joy you showed over one day meeting her has made her feel ashamed of the person you got stuck with. Do you wish someone else was her? Have you ever thought about the what-ifs?

You hear your dad let out a chuckle and say “No, don’t be so negative.” If she replies you don’t hear it, soon after the topic is dropped as they focus back on the task at hand. Your grip on the wooden spoon is so tight you wonder if you can snap it in half. It hurts your fingers and that slight pain offers some kind of relief.

“So you pinch it like thi-”

“I’ll be right back,” you say, leaving the broth to boil as you hastily walk over to the bathroom and lock the door behind you. Kuvira watches you go with a frown, everyday it seems you have to lock yourself away from her. Like her presence is just so unbearable that you’d rather hide in a bathroom and miss out on time with your dad.

You catch the sight of yourself in the mirror and glare back at the unrecognizable person staring back at you. Your face is flushed from embarrassment and there’s this hint of rage lingering in your gaze that wasn’t always there.

You’ve never been this kind of angry person before, you were raised around flowers and cupcakes, books filled with great adventures and laughter echoing through your home. People who’d go to the moon and back for you.

Your mom could get a bit angry at times and when she did she’d go take it out on one of those training dummies at her work. There was hardly ever any yelling in your home and never once did you sense animosity between your parents growing up. This new environment was stress-inducing and it made you want to throw all the glass plates against the wall.

You bring your hands up to your cheeks and sigh. When you were younger you were badly bullied at school for being so quiet, if anything the teasing words and tugs on your hair just made you cave inward on yourself instead of lashing out.

You’d cry into your parent's arms as you asked them why no one wanted to be friends with you and your father helped you find solace in the solitary kind of activities to help bring you happiness.

When you signed up for the dance troupe that was a big step for you, which sounds ridiculous since you were nineteen, but that was something that required being around others and communicating with them. Both of your parents were thrilled at you finally branching out and had taken you to a celebratory dinner after your first practice.

They were your best friends, you looked up to them and admired the love they still evidently held for one another, soulmates or not love seemed to dwindle over the years for most couples. And now you're here, in your bathroom of the apartment you share with your soulmate which should fill you with joy but instead you're on the verge of tears as you try to push down that burning flame within.

If your dad ever cheated on your mom she’d slap him across the face and leave. If your mom cheated on your dad he’d cry so hard, but he’d leave as well. They always told you things like that were unacceptable when you’d tell them about all the school drama (not that you were ever involved in it) and now here you are. Feeling ashamed of all those years when she walked all over you, you wonder what would your parents think? You pull at the roots of your hair, no longer able to stomach the sight of yourself.

You hate all of this and you can’t look her in the eyes but if given the chance you know you won’t leave, and it’s not because of that soulmate bullshit. It’s because of those quiet moments spent in each other's arms when it seemed like the world ceased to exist, where you’d giggle as she’d rub her nose against yours. Where you felt safe and seen and loved.

You want those moments back, you want to not hate the sight of her but it seems anytime you so much as hear her voice you're on edge. You’re shaking due to the wave of anger and sadness that washes over you as you seem to get trapped in your thoughts.

It’s happening more and more, you zone out most days and seem to think of every little bad thing she’s done. It feels like molten hot lava is poured over you every time it happens. The knock on the door makes you jump up in shock, so lost in your thoughts you tuned the rest of the world out.

“The dumplings are ready,” you hear your dad say. You look up in the mirror and internally groan, you’ve made a mess of your hair and your eyes are bloodshot from crying.

“Uhm,” you clear your throat “I’ll be out in a minute.”

“Okay, we’ll be setting up the table.” You nod, not realizing he can’t see you as you try to fix your appearance which is a task in itself.

The dinner is awkward, it consists of spoons gently tapping against glass bowls and your father desperately trying to fill in the silence, he eyes you the whole time, probably expecting a smile to appear because dumplings fix everything, except this time they don’t. She feels bad for your dad, he really is trying to make you happy. Should she tell him it’s no use? That the only thing that will make you happy is probably her disappearance?

Anytime she looks your way you take a sip of your wine, you have to refill it thrice and it seems to drag on for hours despite the alcohol in your system. Kuvira does try to chime in as she tries to get on your father's good side but you are only able to let out nods of acknowledgment or forced chuckles at little anecdotes.

He leaves after helping you clean the dishes, much to Kuvira’s chagrin. With him around, he was a nice buffer for the two of you, a pleasant way to fill the uncomfortable silence that filled your home.

You’ve just finished wiping down the counters when she tries. “Y/n…”

“No.” You immediately reply, heading to your shared room to get in bed before her, like you always do.

A day later your mom finally shows up. She knows this is a private moment and to be honest she fears your mother's wrath. The way she glared at her when she opened the door had her wanting to hide away. She had said something about needing to talk to you, how the dumplings didn’t work which had Kuvira severely confused. But she didn’t question it.

So she lets your mom make tea while she tried to coax you out of the room. By the time you finally leave Kuvira sees that your mother is in the garden, patiently waiting. When you walk out of your bedroom you find her in the garden, sitting at the little iron table they got for you.

You watch Kuvira lock herself in your bedroom as you sit down across from your mom. There're two teacups filled with piping hot jasmine tea and a plate of cookies your father probably baked.

Neither of you speaks the first few moments, you both spend the time sipping from your cups and watching the bustling of the streets, it must be lunchtime.

“Why haven’t you stopped by?”

Your mom sighs as she sets the teacup down, “honestly I just… I have a hard time with all of this. With her and with your arrest.”

“Well, I did stand by while a bunch of horrible things happened mom. I understand why she arrested me,” you pick up one of the sugar cookies and bite into it. That all too familiar anger is bubbling within you once more.

“Yes, but as a Lieutenant of the guard it’s made people deem me unworthy of my job.” You tense at her words, you didn’t know people were giving her grief about your actions. It’s not like she encouraged you to leave. “And… I am just having a hard time getting used to her and everything she’s done.”

“She knows what she did was wrong, she was being cornered in Ba Sing S-”

“I don’t mean what she did to the earth kingdom, I mean what she did to you.” Looking down at the dark amber color of your tea, you slump your shoulders as you think of her words.

“I mean I’ll support whatever you decide but it’s hard for me to look at her knowing she kept you a secret, so she could keep up some charade with that Junior-” you tuck your hands under your lap at his name, trying to keep from clenching them, “and I’ve seen photos of him holding her and even kissing her, none of it is right.”

Biting your lip to keep from crying you look away from her, at the streets that have since calmed down a bit. You focus on a child holding his mother's hand as he kicks up water at the fountain. He’s laughing, his grin so wide it takes up the majority of his features. He looks so happy and carefree. You want that kind of life, wishing you could trade his with yours.

“It was only kissing, right?” When you don’t immediately reply, she continues “y/n what happened in those three years?”

“I…” you snap your mouth shut as you suddenly feel like you're about to cry. You can’t look at her, you’ll know she’ll be disappointed in you. “It was a couple of times to placate him, he’d been getting suspicious due to her lack of affection.”

And I’d angered her in some way, it was usually that.

You don’t say that though, deciding to keep it to yourself. You hear the sound of glass breaking and whip your head around to see the handle of your mother's teacup broken into tiny pieces, the cup slips from her hand and falls onto the table, causing it to shatter. Hot tea splatters onto the table and seeps through the holes within it, some liquid gets on your shirt and you jump back in surprise.

“Fuck, I’m sorry honey,” she says, going to grab one of the napkins to wipe up the excess tea. Her voice shakes with rage and you can see her jaw clenching so tight it looks like it’s about to snap. While she cleans no one talks, what do you even say? So instead you busy yourself by picking up a cookie and snapping it in half, when she leaves you’ll pick up the glass shards off the ground.

“You know…” Your mother clenches the wet cloth in her hand, trying to control her tone. “You know that’s wrong, right?”

“Yes, I do but what am I meant to do?” She opens her mouth to reply but stops herself when she sees the telltale sign of you being on the verge of tears. “I can’t look at her without imagining it but fuck mom I still love her.”

It’s silent for a few beats, you can see the cogs turning in her mind. You don’t know if you want to know what’s going through her head, probably disappointment at your unwillingness to leave Kuvira. She sighs and gently sets the dirty napkin onto the table, her eyes lowered to stare at a shard that has half a panda lily painted on it, the other half had broken off during the fall. The incompleteness of it is sort of beautiful.

“If you want to stay with her, you both need to seek professional help because this relationship is unhealthy and can’t continue this way.” She runs her hands through her hair, smoothing it back as she stares at you, “I can have a friend of mine come over to talk with the both of you, she specializes in things like this.”

“Really?”

“Yes but it’s not something that’ll be fixed right away. From the sounds of it, it’ll take years before the two of you can get to a healthy place.” Your shoulders slump at that, why is nothing easy anymore? Why can’t it go back to cinnamon-scented afternoons while helping your dad at his shop where the most difficult task at hand was tying a perfect bow.

“I’ll do it.”

#kuvira #kuvira x reader #kuvira/reader #kuvira fanfic #lok #lok fanfic #legend of korra #fanfiction #the great trial

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utterlyinevitable · 4 years

Note

Hey hi! Can you do a hc about what happened in the time jump for the li routes to fix this mess? Make the lack of progression make sense! please and thank you

I shall try!

Though I’m only going to do Ethan, Bryce and Rafael (TBC in another post). I have never played Jackie’s route and don’t feel comfortable speculating.

Ethan x MC During the Time Jump

After the gala, things seemed to be going well. Ethan dismantled the Diagnostics Team and wasn’t MC’s direct superior anymore.

They thought everything would be fine.

But no, Ethan was still an attending and MC a resident in the same department.

And that kiss looked too familiar to be the first time anything happened between them.

So people started to talk.

Rumors started to fly about MC sleeping her way onto the best cases and Ramsey giving her preferential treatment. “Have you seen the way he looks at Dr. Lao? Actual hearts in his eyes.” “She’s the only person he wouldn’t fire for talking back to him.” “I saw them leave Donahue’s together once last year. You think it’s been going on since then?”

Ethan and MC did their best to ignore the incessant gossip, they were much too busy helping as many patients as possible to pay attention.

Two weeks after the gala the gang celebrated Thanksgiving.

Ethan was invited and joined without pushback.

He sat at the island talking with Sienna and Rafael as they waited for MC to arrive from her errand that was taking longer than expected.

It wasn’t as awkward as he would have thought, getting to know MC’s group was rather enjoyable.

Well, that was until Keiki and Bryce arrived.

Keiki was very standoffish with Ethan, giving him the full inquisition.

He took it in stride, brushing off every time Bryce apologized for his sister’s behavior.

MC and Ethan spent Christmas with Alan at Ethan’s place after a long shift. They hadn’t explicitly confirmed their coupling with his father, using the cover of “having nowhere else to go” to explain why they’re spending the day together.

Ethan had only spoken about MC and barely even touched on the depth of his feelings for her in the odd conversation with Alan about his personal life.

Alan knew better. He sees the way his son looks at MC and how attentive he is to her needs; whether it be a new napkin or a top up without batting an eye. No to mention, this wasn’t the first time he caught them cozying up in Ethan’s kitchen.

Word still spread around the hospital, even quicker now that Ethan and MC were confirmed to have spent the holiday together. So much, to the point that they could not ignore it any longer.

Ethan and MC and her friends tried to squash as many rumors as possible. Telling everyone that they’ve only started dating. It was part of the truth. “They hooked up the moment she was cleared of the toxin. One of the nurses heard them. MC is loud!” “That’s ridiculous. MC went right to sleep the second I wheeled her out of there,” Bryce informed. “And seriously, the kiss at the gala was the first time they got frisky.”

They were able to buy some more time. The amount of patients coming through Edenbrook’s doors tripling and keeping everyone busy.

MC spent New Years with her friends while Ethan worked.

He made it to her apartment just in time to kiss her at midnight.

Eventually the most salacious of rumors made their way to the board.

Edenbrook still had ~7 months of life left and accusations like this could not be brushed under the rug.

Ethan was called into a meeting to assess the claims not long after.

He blew a gasket - face and ears red with rage at the laundry list of claims brought against them.

The board threw around the notion of a sexual harassment case.

Ethan assured them that would not be necessary. Their current relationship was more than consensual.

The board would have loved to believe them but in the current climate they could not afford another lawsuit and are proceeding with extreme caution.

Ethan was advised to keep distant from MC until the investigation was concluded.

MC was called in a few days later.

She said the same as Ethan.

Things were awkward that entire week they had to stay away from one another to prove their point of not interfering with their professional relationship.

The case was cleared quicker than both thought possible. Luckily, all their friends and close colleagues vouched for them.

Ethan and MC received the email of no wrongdoing just before their shifts ended one night.

The night they got the news wasn’t the happy reunion they were expecting.

She met Ethan at his place - ready with a set of lingerie she was saving for February.

MC was so excited. But that all ended over takeaway when Ethan spoke of the thoughts that had plaguing him since his meeting with the board.

Needless to say, Ethan never got to see the outfit.

The evening ended in them arguing about where she should apply to residency and how he doesn’t want to hinder her career.

MC stormed out and gave him the cold shoulder for a while.

Their fight lasted well past Valentine’s Day.

MC did send him a text to thank him for the flowers and food basket he sent. Other than that it was professional business as usual between them.

Both Ethan and MC threw themselves into their work, letting the days turn into weeks and neither of them acknowledging their issues.

They let the fight simmer down and let themselves down along with it.

They didn’t fight for their relationship, they didn’t talk anymore about what it all means for them.

MC loves Ethan and would choose him and staying in Boston for him over a better opportunity elsewhere. But after everything, she’s dejected. She’s put so much effort into their relationship over the last two years that there’s no point to fight for something he’s not willing to meet halfway on.

Ethan knows MC leads with their heart.

That’s why he wouldn’t tell her. That’s why he couldn’t tell her he’s madly in love with her.

He doesn’t want to ruin her career anymore than he has already, doesn’t want the rumors festering within Edenbrook to follow her wherever she ends up. Doesn’t want her to give up a very promising career for whatever this is.

He’s also not going to admit he’s a little scared of what it means if she did stay. It’s easier for him to push her away in the name of her career than admit he’s absolutely hopeless without her.

MC’s night on the town with her friends ended up at the helipad on top of Edenbrook. Ethan heard the commotion of their dancing and loud music and went to investigate.

The gang invited him to join and he looked at MC for permission.

She smiled and shrugged, the fight forgotten and the nostalgia washing over her tipsy state.

He grabbed and beer and sat next to her. He lamented on the view and when MC told him she was glad he was here Ethan grabbed her hand. They relished the feeling of their skin on each others after what’s felt like years.

They welcomed the silence and just being in each others company.

Slowly the group trickled out, leaving Ethan and MC alone. “What did you get up to tonight? Besides trespassing.” “We did some applications then said ‘fuck it’ and went out” He didn’t comment on application although he was itching to know where she hopes to end up. So, Ethan changed the subject, “You look beautiful. That dress really suits you.” “Thank you.”

They sat still in unsettled silence. The nightly breeze picking up and Ethan mindlessly rubbing circles on the back of her hand with his thumb.

They went to speak at the same time, MC letting Ethan continue:

“Will you come home with me?” “Is that a good idea?” “I’d like to make the most of the time we have left.”

MC looked at him, their eyes locking.

She knew it wasn’t a good idea - she’d fallen into him one too many times. Every time she was scorned.

But maybe tonight she’s diluted her inhibitions enough to indulge in one last goodbye.

They went back to his place and they didn’t talk at all.

Very few words were exchanged in the seconds their lips parted.

Small pleasantries were exchanged in the morning along with light kisses everywhere but on the mouth.

Ethan drove her back to her place the next morning to keep prying eyes from catching them coming to work together.

MC wished she regretted sleeping with him again.

The moment she got out of bed she missed his heat and the way he wrapped his arms around her and nuzzled into her neck as they slept.

It was heaven. And MC didn’t ever want to come back down.

MC was still applying to programs all over the country, hoping she’ll find a new match somewhere. Ethan’s recommendation letter could only carry so far.

Ever since that last evening Ethan and MC refused to acknowledge the fault staring them in the face.

Instead, they took things one day at a time.

They kept their friendship alive after months of ignoring one another.

They’ve texted, they’ve almost sexted. They’ve gone out for coffee.

But they never had another sleepover.

Whenever they got close, their internal siren would wail “they’re leaving they’re leaving they’re leaving” and immediately someone would make an excuse to stop much to both their disappointment.

It was for the best. They knew that. They convinced themselves to be true.

Edenbrook’s last day came and Ethan was understandably shaken. His career he had devoted his entire life to ended. This creature of habit has to rebuild and it’s terrifying.

He had a number of hospitals and research centers send him offers but none of them felt right. None of them were Edenbrook and none of them were the team he and his mentor built, and none of them had his favorite person.

So Ethan was set to take a few months sabbatical; spend more time with his dad and at the opera and just enjoying the life he has been too distracted to live.

Later that day while waiting for labs for the Bloom Case, he wanted to strangle his father for inviting MC on the quick trip to Providence.

He also never expected her to agree.

Ethan had never taken a woman home - and they weren’t really in that close of a place for her to nosey around his guarded past.

It was disconcerting and strangely familiar to have MC by his side in his childhood home. His past and present meshing beautifully.

And that scared Ethan.

Standing in his childhood home watching Alan and MC coo over baby photos, Ethan never wanted a domestic life more. He wanted to show her everything and have her do the same. He wanted to do all this in twenty years with his own family.

He was coveting things he had thrown away.

And then she kissed him and for a split second no hope was lost.

When the lights of Edenbrook finally went off that fateful day, MC grabbed his hand.

It felt like the only thing to do.

He was the most important part of Edenbrook - for MC Ethan was Edenbrook.

Their romantic past aside, they became friends here. He was the reason she was here in the first place - at Edenbrook and practicing medicine. It was only fitting that he’d be at her side when this chapter closed.

“I’m going to miss you,” she said so sincerely his heart didn’t know whether to shatter or swell. “For what it’s worth, I feel exactly the same way about you.”

The silence hung for a while as they watched the last of the lights switch off.

She broke it with the most visceral question: “So. This is really it.” “For some things.” “And what about... other things? Am I going to see you again now that we don’t work together?”

It was the question they’d been volleying and avoiding for months. The time came to finally put a decision to it.

MC was still unsure where she was going. Ethan will be spending more time with his family. Things were still so complicated.

“It’s impossible to say what the future will bring...” Ethan opted for one last life lesson to close their mentor/mentee relationship.

Her features, mood and hopes simultaneously fell. This was really the end.

A part of her hoped they could compromise. They only had one another a few times, there was so much more to explore between them.

She kept her eyes glued down at their shoes, “Oh...” “But I can see as far as tomorrow. I’ll see you then?”

He had the ghost of a smirk tugging at the corners of his lips.

After what felt like ages, their eyes locked. Both clear as could be.

“I’d like that.”

MC left to meet her friends while Ethan stayed to say the emotional goodbye to his home of the last 11 years, to the place that made him who he is.

Ethan and MC went their separate ways with a promise of tomorrow.

#i'm personally pretending the gala kiss didn't happen and we've been in a secret relationship since #but still fucked in his office #open heart hc #open heart #open heart headcanons #ethan ramsey #ethan x mc #ethan ramsey x mc #Anonymous #asked

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