#and two the core of my issues isn't that I'm not going out

[psychedelic-ink]

I'm so conflicted because, on one hand, I want to see my therapist and just talk without having the feeling that I need to shut up and not talk about what I'm feeling

On the other hand, it's so expensive and I feel like seeing her isn't really helping me anymore

[eggyrocks]

calloused hands-t. kuroo smau

𖦹his hands are worn from years of volleyball. her’s are worn from years of playing guitar 𖦹

main masterlist

status: completed, but i reserve the right to post bonus content at random

tags: kuroo x f!reader, one sided enemies to lovers, serendipity, university au, reader is a musician in an indie punk band

warnings: language, alcohol use, violence, adult themes, mommy issues im giving yn mommy issues forgot to mention that, grammatical mistakes probably, everyone probably will be out of character, please note warnings may change as story progresses, and to check each chapter for individual warnings

minors dni

taglist: closed

each part is named after the song i listened to while making it

playlist one playlist two

introductions: the band | the team

track one: dumb fucks track two: hair of dog track three: monkey jaw track four: hooked fish [✐] track five: magnet track six: the the empty track seven: heaven track eight: bag of worms track nine: all i think about now track ten: rigid track eleven: the shadow baby track twelve: waiting so long [✐] track thirteen: trace me onto you track fourteen: enumerating track fifteen: kute track sixteen: drunk voicemail [✐] track seventeen: all this love [✐] track eighteen: cream of gold track nineteen: liar's love [✐] track twenty: kill me track twenty-one: anything [✐] track twenty-two: just like heaven [✐]

bonus content: band lore nishinoya + hinata lore mommy issues lore tanaka + kiyoko lore bloody nose (extra chapter)

yn style guide

daily click for palestine 🇵🇸

moodboard/description on calloused hands from @causenessus

"inner child healing, DEF vintage core, lowkey 10 things i hate about you "do you like the girl? is she worth all this trouble? either she is or she isn't" type beat in my very humble opinion. big grunge vibes. throwing rocks out your window. sneaking out of the house. the kind of couple to pack their bags and run away from home together/just leave everything behind to start a new life. definitely a kind of looks like they could kill you and would kill you (yn) and looks like they could kill you but won't (bc he's kuroo i'm in love with my girlfriend and everything i have is her's and i will only fight for her tetsuro). cigarettes after sex (sunsetz) for sure and CURRENT JOYS (honorable song mentions: kids, new flesh, my motorcycle, you broke my heart). ALSO ALSO other really specific kind of references they give me lockwood and lucy (lockwood and co.) vibes except for y/n is lockwood with her kind of i'm not living for anything vibes before kuroo comes into her life I HOPE SOMEONE GETS THIS. OR they're nico and libby "you're a fire hazard. stop apologizing for the damage and just let the fucker burn" (which i interpret as "i'm going to love you no matter what. just be yourself") nico and libby (atlas six) kind of dynamic I DON'T KNOW"

[richardsgraysons]

Heyyy…. May i request a wife reader x dick grayson… she is mad at him and is giving him a silent treatment, but he is so done with this that he starts annoying her by saying Mrs. Grayson after every sentense and closing tightly lids

anon this is so adorable. i am going feral. also i am so severely sorry for my IA-ness.

tags — just overall fluff. some light swearing

In hindsight, you should've known that this would entail not just dating, but also marrying a vigilante. How could someone blame you, anyways? You were sitting at home, about to go to bed, when Nightwing crashed into your apartment after being chucked across the city by some villain or the other.

He had a major concussion. You didn't know how to treat thrown vigilantes who definitely had a couple of broken ribs and a torn ACL.

What you did know was how to comfort a man who was clearly in pain, who was trying to stifle his screams, because let's face it, the vigilante life should clearly not be glamorized.

He felt bad for the wreckage in your apartment. Every week, there'd be thousands of dollars at your doorstep from him, ready to pay it off. He had to be rich. There was no way he was giving your entire salary in four months and a half.

Eventually, you figured out his secret identity. And instead of being angry about it, Dick Grayson felt awfully in love with a girl who was as intelligent as he hoped she'd be. Sure she wasn't a supermodel, but she made him laugh. She made him think. She wasn't easy to get along with at times, but she made him better.

Three years later, he put a ring on it.

"I told you," you snapped, "you just keep going in stupid situations, and normally, I wouldn't mind, but it's like you refuse my help or anyone else's."

Dick knew he had a really bad hero complex. He couldn't stand anyone else getting hurt because of his issues. "I can handle it," he responded. "And isn't it just annoying that you've been mad at me for the past two days? Can't you just give it a rest?"

"I'll give it a rest when you start accepting help from others," you responded, your brows furrowing. "God, you're so—you're so—ugh!"

Dick rolled his eyes and then smirked at you, that stupid boyish smirk that made your heart tingle and everything else disappear. "I'm so what, sweetheart? What am I, Mrs. Grayson?"

You glared at him. "Dick!" You huffed, both saying his name and the insult. "That's it. I want a cooling down period. Leave me and the kitchen alone!"

He grinned, looking back at you, a mischievous glance in his eye. "Oh, I will, Mrs. Grayson. I will."

* * *

Making dinner was one of your forms of therapy. Dick was starting to go out for patrol, much to your distaste, no doubt about to pick a fight with someone who would give him considerable damage.

You didn't want him to go, you wanted to keep him here and kiss him forever, but he would leave anyways. It's my moral duty to the people of Bludhaven to keep them safe, he had said to you one night. I could never bring it to myself to disappoint these people. To make them unsafe. I'm going to do whatever I can to make sure people are as safe as can be.

And though you really disliked it, you knew that was one of the core reasons why you were so undoubtedly in love with him.

You turned around to grab the jar of pickles, still steaming from the fight, only to find that it was incredibly hard to open.

"What. The. Hell?" You hissed. You had opened it up just a day ago, and put it easily back, making sure it wasn't that hard.

Your face turned red and you looked at it again before trying to open it up, straining and groaning, only for your muscles to give out. There was only one explanation for this.

Your stupid, lovable, husband.

And after a few minutes of recollecting your pride, you stomped over to your bedroom where he was dressing. He was in the midst of putting the top half of his suit on, and your mouth turned a little dry when you saw him shirtless.

You were pretty sure that when the first time you saw him shirtless, literal heart eyes came out of your eyes. You gawked for a couple of seconds, admiring the contour of his muscles, only for him to turn around and smirk at you.

He knew what you were doing. Dammit.

"Hi, Mrs. Grayson," he teased. "Enjoying the view?"

"Shut up," you snapped, and held out the jar. "Open this up right now and stop screwing with my jars."

He smirked at you. "What's the magic word?"

"The magic word is 'I will beat you up if you don't open the jar up right now'," you responded, glaring at him. "Now. Open."

He laughed, tossing his head back, his voice echoing off the room before taking the jar. You watched intently as his triceps flexed when he opened the jar up with ease and returned it back.

"Thank you," you said, your voice having an edge to it. You were about to turn around before he grabbed you by the arm.

"What, no good luck kiss?" Dick asked huskily in your ear. It sent shivers down your spine.

"Even if I give you one, you'll still end up badly injured."

"C'mon," he murmured, planting a light kiss on your neck, his hands dancing on your waist. He squeezed your sides slightly. "I always fight better when my girl kisses me."

You looked up at him and snorted. "In your dreams," you responded, but he took this moment to crash his lips against you. You felt dizzy and couldn't help but to wrap your arms around his neck, pulling him closer.

When the both of you stopped, he laughed, looking at you breathless, his blue eyes twinkling in the night sky.

"Knew you couldn't be mad at me for that long, Mrs. Grayson."

"Shut up," you grumbled, punching his shoulder lightly. "Go save Bludhaven, Boy Wonder."

He stepped out the window and then turned back at him, smirking. "You know I am, sweetheart. And when I come back, I'm gonna finish what I started."

[hannah-banana-lou]

Come back to me

So to start off with, i hate a lot of fanfics that include the (y/n) character as a barely legal, fragile, tiny thing that is oblivious to sex because that is just not me! i love alot of fanfics that have a lot of world building, real life issues and are really in depth, mixed in with some smut, steamy romance and fluff. i know this will not be for everyone but for those who do enjoy that, i hope this does it for you!

Husband William afton x Wife female reader - AU.

Planning on making this into a series if people like it!

content warning: marriage issues, smut, verbal abuse, age gap couple - william (early 50's) Reader (mid/late 20's)

UNDER 18'S DNI!!!

Come back to me (pt.1)

A glance. A kiss. Lips crashing down unto yours. he has you pinned against the bedroom door, panting heavily. Hands exploring places they've been so many times before. yours hurriedly unbuttoning his shirt. desperation. his hooking their way into your sweatpants, teasingly close to where you need him, where you're yearning for him. his kisses moving from your lips, slowly trailing along your jaw before reaching your neck. he bites, suckles and licks the skin there, sending tingles throughout your body, reaching to your core. you're lost in the moment, feeling his beard scratch so deliciously against your skin, his lips soft but desperate. You need this. He needs this.

"mommy!" your ears prick up. the sound of one of your twins calling for you. you ignore it, trying to focus on the present scene unfolding in front of you.

"mommy, look at me!" again. calling for you. you can feel a haze slipping over you. mind going grey, unable to feel the kisses being planted.

a snap of your husbands fingers and you jump. you're in the garden, sitting on the patio next to william. the morning sun is beaming, your two children running around the garden, screaming and giggling. you glance over at william, he is staring at you. the silence between you both brooding ... deafening.

"your children are calling for you. just gonna ignore them?" he grunts out. a dig at you, most definitely.

you shake your head in response, taking the cup filled with coffee off the table, moving it up to your lips and taking a sip, you frown. it's gone cold.

the better part of the morning is spent playing with your children, trying to forget that you have a marriage counselling appointment in the early afternoon. not the first and most definitely not the last. no doubt william will find some excuse to not attend, he thinks marriage counselling is a scam, a waste of money. he refused to even acknowledge the idea until you nagged him for weeks. he eventually gave up.

you're now sat in the car, he's driving. the silence is painful. the drive to the appointment, uncomfortable.

your in the appointment. all his responses are grunts or a few word answers, while you're pouring your heart out, begging for him to just talk to you. a usual occurrence during these appointments.

You stop crying, lost in thought. maybe he was having an affair, it would explain a lot... no. yes. wait... would he do that to you? when would he have the time? god. don't be silly, he isn't cheating on you.... right? Before your mind can trail off anymore the therapist throws a question to you both.

"what are the biggest issues within your marriage? we have discussed this before briefly, however i'm curious as to the individual answers. William, why don't you start us off? yes?"

you glance over at william. he is staring directly at the therapist, poor woman, having to endure his death stare. his eye twitches slightly. he's trying to calm himself before answering. you avert your gaze back to the floor.

"Nothing is wrong with my marriage. i dont believe there are issues" your husband spits out.

the older woman nods, accepting his answer before she turns to you and nods again, signalling for you to answer.

"well... for starters i feel like he doesn't want me around anymore. he avoids me like the plague. there is no love, no affection, no.... no intimacy anymore" you begin.

william adjusts himself in his seat. clearly annoyed at the intimacy comment. you keep your gaze focused on the therapist.

"He wont talk more than a few words to me without snapping at me, he's stopped sleeping in our bedroom, he's taken the spare room instead. i never see him anymore. i'm... i... I've just had enough. it's hard living in a space that you have known as home for many years, yet feel so unwelcome at the same time" you finish. you can feel his stare burning into the side of your head.

the older woman nods again. that's all she seems to do, just nod. it can be quite annoying. she looks between you both.

"Y/N why do you feel like William has become this way with you?"

you sigh, not knowing the answer. you could only answer with what your mind has provided as far fetched ideas over the past few months. you shrug. "i'm not sure. i have a lot of ideas, none that could be close to the truth though" you respond, voice soft, deflated. like you've given up.

"One good way to get your marriage on track is open communication. Y/n why dont you share your ideas with William. it's a good place to start"

you sigh again and look over at william. he is staring at the floor. annoyed written all over his features. he looks over at you

"William..." you start with a sigh. "i... uhm... i have begun to think that maybe... you have fallen out of love with me" his gaze softens, almost looking heartbroken that you could ever think that. he shakes his head. he goes to reach out his hand, it lifts ever so slightly but stops immediately, his fists tightened, a small noise escaping his lips. almost like the whimper of a wounded animal as he quickly avoids your gaze, looking back down at the floor.

you take a moment to process what just happened. what was that noise? sound of affirmation? or denial? maybe his reaction is something to be hopeful for?

"any other ideas you have that you would like to share?" she adds quickly.

you nod, taking a deep breath. you knew he wasn't going to like this one but you had to get it out before the thought consumes you.

"William, i have thought for a while that you are having an affair." you blurt out.

his softened gaze quickly turns to a grimace, furrowed eyebrows. followed with a scoff before he stands up, grabbing your hand "session over. thanks for your time doc, see you next month" he mumbles as he pulls you out the door. the doctor looking more so confused than ever as she watches the two of you leave abruptly.

you get back into the car. oh he's pissed. maybe he is embarrassed that you brought that up? self conscious of how he looks in front of the therapist maybe?

he drives in silence before turning into an empty parking lot near a wooded trail path, probably for dog walkers.

he parks up before turning to you, face twisted with anger "An affair? an affair? .... AN AFFAIR?" He snaps. you nod "it just makes s-" he cuts you off "NO Y/N! NO! the falling out of love i can understand but an affair? i have done nothing to make you think that way"

you look at him confused.

"you're not affectionate. you're only happy when you're around the kids, you're only affectionate in public for 'appearances', you wont sleep in the same bed as me, let alone fuck me anymore, so you must be getting it from someone else!" you angrily snap out, you knew being with an older man would have it's problems but not to this extent.

he rolls his eyes. scoffs. "you're ridiculous. i am not having an affair!"

"it makes more sense than 'i'm stressed' " you quickly respond

he scoffs again but doesn't respond. just stares out the windshield of the car into the woods adorning the outskirts of the parking lot. the forest looked peaceful, serene almost. you continue to stare at him waiting for a response. receiving nothing.

you place your hand on his thigh gently "Will... Bear. please just talk to me... let me in again" you whisper. no response from him. he smiles in his mind at the use of the old nickname for him.

he was your bear. Tall, grumpy and hairy as one. Used to have you in fits of laughter when he would groan and snore, you telling him the attributes resembled a bear when you were first dating. hence the nickname.

Something snaps inside of him.

Your argument before, playing through his mind.

He looks over at you, eyes boring into yours. he reaches his hand out, cupping your cheek. it's been too long since he last touched you.

He moves from your cheek and trails his fingers through the mids of your hair before leaning down, hand clamped on the back of your head, moving you up to meet him halfway, lips on yours. slow. tender. A sense of yearning in the kiss. you let out a small surprised noise. not complaining in the slightest. just surprised, shocked even.

he pulls away ever so slightly, lips still touching. a small protesting whine leaving your lips as you desperately try to kiss him again. he stops you. nuzzling his nose against yours. hot breaths caressing each others skin. his lips soft. as you remember them. a free hand intertwined with your left hand, fingers caressing your wedding and engagement rings.

"I've not fallen out of love with you bunny" he breaks the silence, his words barely above a whisper. desperation. yearning. sadness being carried in his voice.

[kvothe-kingkiller]

I'm not the best writer when it comes to writing convincing essays or whatever, but I'm going to give this a go because it's something that I've thought for a long time that I've never seen anyone really acknowledge unless I bring it up first. (also I am sick and don't really want to do much editing here, just rambles, so good luck)

I think that when most (not all, but most) people get salty about 'modern art', they are not salty about the things people think they are salty about. When they say "this isn't art", theres an important bit that they're not articulating. What I think most of them mean is "this isn't art that should be in a museum." "this isn't art that should cost this much" "this isn't art that should be getting this kind of recognition". And there is a huge difference between that and just saying "this isn't art"

Firstly, all of the arguments about why modern art is in fact art straight up....don't apply. They don't address the problem, they don't answer the question. This isn't really anyone's fault per se, given that it is addressing the literal statement, it's just I think most people aren't actually thinking that literal statement.

So then what do they really mean? Like I said, I think they're trying to articulate why they're frustrated that this art is in a museum when "they could do it". So when you say "okay then, you do it" that doesn't address the core issue, which is "but why is this getting recognition for it, and I would get none" because yes, unless they are famous, they would get Zero recognition for it. Nobody would be lining up to buy their art, no one would ask to put it in a museum. Best place they can hope to have this displayed is a fridge door.

When you look at a piece of fine art, most can see the amount of effort put into it. They see how much training it took to get there, they see how much time it took to put those strokes on that canvas and they can go "yeah, that took skill, that took effort, not everyone can do that. it deserves recognition". And a lot of modern art does take skill, it's just skill that isn't easily noticeable to the average viewer, such as rothko's color fields, they do take a lot of skill and effort, you just can't see it if you don't know. But a lot of modern art that people complain about isn't something that has skill that's not recognized, it just requires very little technical skill at all (not a condemnation, btw).

When you're talking about something 'anyone can do' that piece's value is often not a recognition of skill, or even of the message, it's a recognition of a name. It's similar to having a gucci bag because it's a gucci bag, not because you care remotely about the bag. Yes, art isn't displayed because of how much effort went into it, but it's a huge industry that many many people are making money through from sheer name recognition alone.

Like that one painting of that one artist's (I forget which artist and my cursory google isnt finding it, but also its just an example) where it got replicated and sold to a bunch of people for a large amount of money so they could all have something that had a small chance of being a genuine painting by the artist, that's an excellent example of the fact that a lot of the gallery-level art world is Entirely about the name, not about the piece itself. If someone just made that painting but didn't say it could be from the artist, then who cares?

If you go to ringo starr's art website (https://www.ringostarrart.com/) then you can see that some of his work, especially his older work, is of that category of stuff that many people would say "I could do that" to. For instance, these two? 1,400 and 6,000 pounds respectively for a PRINT of these from his website

....okay this one I kinda enjoy.

but still. 2,000 pounds for a print.

All of this is possible because he's ringo fucking starr, he can sell his paintings for whatever he wants. If I tried to sell those for that much, I'd be laughed out of the room. All of it is just clout, it's just how big your name is and how much you can use that as leverage.

This is not to say that other forms of art don't also have this issue, they do, especially with people devaluing creative works so much today. But you could probably get a few commissions if you sell realistic art or do commissions of people's characters, while you Cannot get any money trying to sell stuff like ringos art unless you already have an audience who will buy it.

This does somewhat lead into a discussion of how art curators pick which artists are 'good' somewhat arbitrarily, but that's a whole other post.

Doing art for 'yourself' vs for other people or money is also a whole other post, one which I've actually seen quite a lot on here. But suffice to say if your response to all of this is 'just make art for yourself! Why do you need recognition?' then maybe go find some of those posts. It's not bad to want recognition, and it's not bad to question why that guy is getting much more recognition for the exact same thing you're doing just because he has a bunch of rich friends who are able to host fancy parties and go 'hmm. yes this is good art.' (not that all modern artists had rich friends, but they did almost all get Extremely lucky in some shape or another that led to them now being widely accepted as good artists).

You cannot make a living off modern art unless you're well known, and if you happen to be well known already, you could likely make a living off modern art without having any experience, and that's what a lot of people hate about modern art, even if they don't articulate it. While some would, most wouldn't say "my five year old could do that" to someone's personal piece that they made themselves and hung up in their home, or that their friend made and gave to them. They say that about the pieces bought for thousands of dollars or millions of dollars.

And I don't want people to think that I do hate modern art, I don't (though this is tumblr, so I'm pissing on the poor just by writing this). I don't hate any of the famous modern artists, I don't think modern art isn't art. I do hate the industry that says their art is suddenly worth something just because some rich fuckers somewhere decided they should be, and anything I tried to do in a similar vein, original or not, would be better suited to sit in a coffee shop and continuously marked down and never sold.

So next time you say "so why don't you make it", maybe ask yourself if you would buy it.

[project-sonadow]

hello—i have a question to ask, and i figured it’d be better to do it here than to bother an individual artist about this. (sorry in advance for bringing the mood down w/ a serious question, btw.)

so, i’ve seen posts going around lately where people are like “hey, stop being explicit about sonadow, it’s weird”. and i agree that making explicit comments on sfw work is not cool. forcing the creator to see stuff that might make them uncomfortable is rude. /gen

however, if the characters are explicitly stated to be aged up (like, have lived several years beyond the games) or are in an au where they’re older, is that still bad? /genq because i always thought that the authors/artists were specifically going out of their way to say “we’re actively not wanting to make these pieces about children, we just want to see these two personalities and how they would behave in nsfw situations”.

sorry again. i’m just very confused (and a bit scared by the hostility /nm) and was hoping that i could maybe get some clarification.

(btw, thanks to all the artists on this blog for making such cute art. it’s all really nice stuff.)

Hi there. This isn't the type of thing we would typically address here, but your approach tells me that you're looking to learn and understand, so I'll give you my thoughts.

First of all, to address hostility - it's intimidating and intense, because this is the kind of thing that fires people up. We're not exempt from this, because we do not want to see explicit content about minors, and we will be direct about this fact. And for some reason, some people get very offended when you tell them this.

I'm going to respond to you in good faith, and I don't assume any bad intentions on your part.

On aging characters up. I will be specifically talking about the sonic franchise as my example here, but this applies to any series where the focus characters are children.

Sonic and Shadow are kids. They are teenagers. Age discourse is NOT relevant. They are depicted as teenagers, they act like teenagers, and they are meant to be viewed as teenagers. And so this begs the question: why is there a need to see them in adult situations? Why is there a drive to depict minors in explicit situations?

Even if a creator is theoretically not making a piece about minors, when they choose to age up minor characters, that tells me that they thought about those minors in explicit situations, or that they wanted to see those minors in those situations, but needed a way to justify it.

This is why I fundamentally disagree with aging characters up to put them in adult situations. The core characters are children. Wanting to see a child character in explicit situations so badly that there is a need to justify it by aging them up or making an au or whatever is strange and disturbing, and I personally would not want to associate with someone who does that kind of thing.

Reflect on the issue yourself. All I can do is explain my reasoning, and say that I will choose not to associate with people who make and/or consume content of minor characters in explicit situations.

I appreciate that you want to learn. I am answering this question specifically because of the way you asked it, and that I see this as a way to tell you why we think certain things, and why we vehemently disagree with certain types of content. To others reading this, this post is NOT an invitation to discourse with us. I will not be arguing about ages or logistics or whatever. Do not try to convince me that nsfw of minor characters is okay, you'll get blocked immediately.

[abyssalzones]

C-PTSD as a diagnosis makes so much sense for Ford because he really does fit almost all of the criteria, ESPECIALLY if you take the stuff in J3 into account in conjunction with his traumatic childhood (bullying, bad dad, etc.). It just makes sense in regards to his motivations and his issues with interpersonal relationships (like with Stan). Also buring yourself in your work (like he does) is a very common 'flight' coping mechanism to trauma in adults

I'm smiling like this right now

ford's whole.... mental health deal is extremely interesting to examine because Oh my god this man is the textbook image for "reacting to ongoing, continuous trauma". intentional or otherwise (I'm inclined to believe it's both).

like. okay hang on I'm about to get very in depth with it

I feel like there's no way this entire guy's life and in some ways his lasting identity haven't been defined by and constructed around various forms of trauma, maybe the most obvious and true-to-canon-intent being peer abuse/bullying from childhood. a lot of people downplay the impact of this type of abuse but it's... responsible for a lot of social ills in shocking ways. (if you're more interested in this topic here is an article my friend mer linked me a while back, it gets into it very deeply)

(a lot of this is going to be sourced from the wikipedia page for CPTSD [and my own experience Living with it] which I realize isn't very professional of me but Whatever this is tumblr)

one of the core tenets of ford's personality is that he's Different. he owns it, sure- his six fingers become a point of pride rather than something to be ashamed of- but they make it extremely clear that from a young age he associated being different with being a social pariah. ford's generation was characterized by notoriously cruel bullying, and anything that remotely made you stand out rendered you a target. ford could've been bullied for being nerdy and jewish (and failing to perform socially, ie dating) alone, having such an obvious mutation definitely was not winning him any points.

so it's honestly no surprise, when from childhood ford feels like he has One person in the world to trust and confide in, that he would go on to form very unhealthy attachment patterns typical of CPTSD. as you elaborated on regarding AvPD (which I know far less about but seems to have comorbidity with CPTSD): if you're hard-wired to believe socializing with others results in failure or betrayal, then you're not going to make an effort. but what does end up happening is that you're going to pour all of your trust and dependency into one person at a time, one person who is "safe".

previously, that was his brother. and it's not really hard to draw the conclusion from there that fiddleford was a subject of ford's attachment style, considering he was his One friend from college, and... one of Maybe two people ford is friends with at all who he isn't related to. he cites him as the only person he can possibly trust to work on the portal project alongside him, and he still can't bring himself to tell him the full truth, because he's terrified of losing him. I love their dynamic (I do think they were mutual best friends, and there was no small amount of trust reciprocated between them. "fiddleford was weird as hell too" is something I keep coming back to) and I don't think it's built on entirely unhealthy terms, but that kind of pressure is... setting things up to crash and burn.

enter bill stage left. back to "continuous yearning to be liked and accepted"- this guy knew that and made every effort to prey on ford's insecurities to reel him in as close as possible. this is what really pisses me off about the idea that bill was just "inflating ford's ego", because it's way, way more insidious than that. throughout the entirety of journal 3 we see ford reintroduce someone to his life he has a very positive relationship with (fiddleford) and how that trust gets gradually broken down by bill's influence "winning out" over their friendship. I think it's safe to say ford was already vulnerable: from the start, he'd been isolated in his research for six years (and it's unclear for how long he'd known bill by 1982), and bill proved time and time again to be someone who wouldn't judge him, someone who would praise him for his hard work, and perhaps most critically, make him feel like being different was something special.

like that's... that's really not good!!!! and that kind of thing works wonders on someone who has already settled with the idea that they're inclined to be alone just by design.

trying to put a cap on this. in relationships like the one he's had with his brother or fiddleford it doesn't even necessarily have to be ""toxic"" (vague term anyway) or outwardly bad to be built on unhealthy attachment patterns, and considering for a good chunk of ford's life his attachment to others can be characterized as "I can only trust ONE person at a time" it feels essential to any discussion of his CPTSD or canon trust issues. That is something that happens a lot in Real cases of CPTSD (hi) and only further snowballs into More trauma by leaving you vulnerable to manipulation and abuse (see: bill.)

I've been going on for way too long now and I feel like I've only scratched the surface of the thing I wanted to elaborate on sorry. that post traumatic stress disorder can complex

[byler-alarmist]

Disclaimer: I am not anti-Vickie by any means. I think Vickie seems very sweet (although there may be something going on with her we don't know) and I will fully support her and Robin if the Duffers can prove to me in S5 why they work together.

That said, I am going to examine the one, glaring issue I have with Rovickie. If you're not put off by that, read on!

So, most of the criticism leveled against Vickie is that we don't know anything about her. That's true; we don't.

However, my main criticism is:

Does Robin know anything about her??

All we hear from Robin in S4 is that Vickie is the girl of her dreams, but we never hear why. In all her gushing/agonizing to Steve, Robin never tells us what about Vickie makes her so special.

Is she smart? Funny? Ambitious? Kind? Is she a pro at playing poker?

Even Tammy Thompson, whose role in S3 was purely offscreen, got a shout out of traits that Robin valued ("she has dreams!").

We can't say the same for Vickie. All we know is:

-she laughed at one of Robin's (Steve's) jokes

-she likes Fast Times

-she talks a lot when nervous

-she possibly likes boobies

And those last two were only figured out by Robin in the final episode of S4.

If Robin's feelings for Vickie are more than mere infatuation based on looks, wouldn't Robin have told us more than the most surface-level things about her?

And if your immediate response to this "well, she just hasn't spent enough one-on-one time with her to know!" .......that's exactly my point.

The writers have shown time and time again that the shallow relationships where tbe couple got into it without really talking or getting to know each other do not last .

I'm reminded of Lucas telling Mike "you're just blind because a girl isn't grossed out by you." 👀

All this in the same season where Robin is spending one-on-one time with Nancy, getting to know her and respect the things that make her "her". Rather than just looks, Robin gets to see Nancy's drive, intellect, leadership and bravery.

She calls her a "genius", says she is "full of surprises", and learns even more about her when Nancy opens up about her relationship inecurities. Robin sees her complexity.

I don't know about you, but to me, this is the core of why Rovickie is not as compelling as a ship. If they are meant to be endgame, why was Robin paired with Nancy all season?

Surely there could've been some plot device to bring Vickie into the fold, just like Max was brought into the Party back in S2.

Vickie could've been trapped with Robin and the older teens after some supernatural things happened at rhe pep rally or other school function and they got separated from the rest, or she could've been related to the Creels and the gang needed to ask her for help. It's a TV show; they can do whatever they want.

Either way, they decided not to involve her in the main plot of the show at all, preventing both Robin and the viewers from getting to know her fully. I believe this was intentional and will have consequences for their relationship in S5.

One final thought- in early S4, Robin tells Steve that she has found the girl of her dreams but can't get the courage to ask her out, whereas Steve goes on a ton of dates but has no idea what he wants.

I think it would be VERY interesting if their roles were actually swapped, i.e. by the end of S4, Robin is the one who doesn't really know what she wants, and Steve is the one who realizes he has found the (person) of his dreams.

[rhiaarrow]

Hello, hello! The Ghostie with the penchant for long rambling walls of text here to give her unwarranted two cents on the current disagreement between the Tubblings and the Crows!

I'm offering my take as a purely unbiased outsider

(Yes, us Ghosties may be married to the Tubblings but when I first joined the Qsmp Fandom I was a Crow and a Crow only, before I died and became a Ghostie. Thus, while I like both qTubbo and qPhil I don't watch either of them often, ergo unbiased :D )

who has no real reason to attempt to villainise or place either character on a pedestal because to put it bluntly, they are not my cubito.

Without further ado I will begin my ramble.

Today's ramble of course comes with the disclaimer that with me not being a qTubbo or qPhil main there may be areas of their character that I'm not aware of since I don't watch every single one of their streams! Feel free to correct me on literally anything you think I've mischaracterized about your main just please be understanding that nothing is done with malicious intent! :)

I'm not attempting to paint either character as a villain in this ramble, I'm just publishing this in hopes to allow each community to understand that neither cubito is perfect and that's okay!

Okay! For anyone missing context; the current disagreement began when Tubblings expressed feeling happy that Chay was able to be a kid around qTubbo as opposed to being serious with qPhil then the Crows reminded the Tubblings that qTubbo is also attributing to Chay's hero complex through him acting as Chay's egg and asking Chay to protect him. Which has caused both sides to instinctively protect their cubito and is causing arguments within their communities.

As a Ghostie who is more than willing to write 1000 words to raise awareness, and is frankly sick of infighting within the QSMP fandom (it's why I left twitter, please don't bring it here 🫠) I figured I'd try to help 'squash the beef' if you will.

Polite discussions about cubito conflict is fine, going for each other's throats over character takes...yeah let's not do that! :D

Firstly, everyone has to recognize that Chayanne has an almost toxic hero complex. He's had it since the beginning of the server and while neither qPhil or qTubbo is doing it on purpose they are BOTH feeding into it!

He has an overwhelming urge to protect others with no regard for his own safety or wellbeing at times. In the beginning it only extended to eggs. As the older sibling he had a sense of responsibility over them, which was cute! But now it's borderline toxic although it's become so normalized as such a core part of Chayanne's character that no one recognizes it's no longer a healthy mindset.

Now Tubblings can make the defense that qTubbo isn't being entirely serious or that he doesn't truly expect Chay to put his life on the line for him but I watched him look Chayanne in the eyes and BLAME HIM FOR NOT PROTECTING 'HIS EGG'.

Even if that was immediately reincarnated qTubbo who was a little fucked up in the head, even if he no longer fully blames him, even if qTubbo was joking at the time, he looked that kid dead in the eyes and told him it was his fault. Tell me again how qTubbo isn't unintentionally feeding his complex?

Yes qTubbo allows Chay a more carefree space away from his overwhelming need to protect his younger sister and a space to be more relaxed.

Yes qTubbo is joking about a lot of things and a lot of the out of pocket shit he says isn't intended to be taken completely seriously.

BUT you cannot fully disagree with the Crows when they say that qTubbo feeds the complex too. BECAUSE HE DOES, JUST NOT ON PURPOSE THE SAME AS qPHIL!

qPhil is so used to his son being the strong warrior that he doesn't realize that that character trait is actively damaging his son's mental state. His attention is divided between Chay and Tallulah and since Tallulah is more open to talking about her issues he often isn't as attentive to Chay.

Is that a bad thing? Yes!

Is it intentional on qPhil's part? No!

Is it something the Crows need to recognize that qPhil does which unintentionally allows his son to continue to struggle with his hero complex? Yes!

qPhil loves his son unconditionally AND qPhil feeds Chayanne's hero complex are two statements that can and do coexist

qTubbo let's Chay be more of a child AND qTubbo feeds Chayanne's hero complex are two statements that can and do coexist

And as long as both the Crows and Tubblings are willing to understand that neither cubito is perfect and THERE'S NO USE FIGHTING OVER PIXELS then we're good!

- Sincerely a Ghostie who just wants to try to bring understanding between the two fandoms by utilizing her rambling skills!

AGAIN, any severe mischaracterization you feel I may have included is unintentional and feel free to correct anything you feel like I'm misconstruing, they're not my main cubitos so there may be somethings that qTubbo or qPhil mains find to be untrue to the source

HOWEVER if you're gonna call me out for mischaracterizing a character simply because I'm bringing up their flaws and you can't accept a character has flaws, kindly fuck right off :D

[thevoidcannotbefilled]

One of the main issues into trying to get into tma is the lack of balance between the statements and the characters. I adore this slow drip format don't get me wrong, but it led to the statement heavy nature of the episodes needing to take center stage and sometimes as a result being forgotten. It doesn't help that until season 5, all the formats were exactly the same, just a person saying their statement or a statement being read. This isn't to say this format isn't effective, I mean look at the popularity of the show, but you do have an awkward inability to progress plot without a long statement. Season 3 in particular made the statements and post statements feel incredibly separated on the assisant's side of things. Most of the time (with a few notable exceptions) you can change out the dialogue between characters post statement and the statements themselves in any particular order.

So far with the magnus protocol, that definitely is not the case. For one, the dialogue between the characters and the horror findings/statement (not sure what to call them) are incredibly integrated. It at once creates this tension, not knowing exactly when you'll hear the statement and also a sense of experiencing alongside everyone. There's also the formatting. Between three episodes we got an email, a reddit thread, and a therapist session. All of these seemingly fit into the same format, and most importantly, can be a variety of lengths depending on how they want to tell the story. Statements in TMA took up an entire episode and there were no more than one statement per. Now, while we most likely won't get more than one or two, there are options in not only how they're presented but also when and to what extent.

Season 4 of TMA was my favorite for a variety of reasons, but one of them is how they handled the statements. Statements usually paralleled what Jon was dealing with at the time be it loneliness, his own sense of humanity, or guilt. From what I see so far with TMagP, that sort of styling of statements is going to be the entire CORE of the show. The first episode seemed to have the main themes and while I'm unsure of what Daria's session has to 100% do with the cast, there seems to be crumbs of set up there that I'm excited to see later.

To also note, episode 1 is centered around meeting the cast and setting expectations, episode 2 mainly focuses on the statement with elements of the greater cast sprinkled around it. With the new format they can do that and bounce around as needed for whatever structure they're going for of the day. It's a bit more chaotic in that regard. You can't just put a statement on and then listen like for TMA, so you have to pay much closer attention, but I find this structure choice very interesting.

Overall? I'm very interested as to what The Magnus Protocol has in store for us. Just with this new structure, the doors are opened with very different story telling options and to have TMagP have its own identity outside of TMA.

[moodymisty]

Hello, Mortarion simp club member #7 here. First off, sorry for the fungus.

Secondly, imagine word getting to The Emperor that Mortarion had found a partner. None of the primarchs ever got married (except for Fulgrim) so I’d imagine it’d be big news. To find out that any of his sons, let alone shit-bag himself, found someone to love would shake him to his core.

Now, I am a very small woman so it might just be projecting, but just imagining The Emperor of Mankind staring you down and shaking his head like,

“This is inhumane. It’s almost comical, how absurd this is. How have you not been ripped in half, or accidentally crushed underfoot?”

I know deep in my soul that Morty would be the most gentle of the primarchs because he’s never had anyone be gentle with him before. That man would start sobbing immediately if he so much as accidentally bumped into you. Full on ‘please don’t leave me’ breakdown if he hurts you in any way.

The fungus is amungus.

Honestly given the way that the Emperor thinks of Mortarion as sort of a failure among his 'sons', and has just abandoned any possibility of him achieving greatness, him accomplishing something so 'odd' would definitely get a query or two. This behavior sounds more like Sanguinius or Fulgrim, not Mortarion.

Also the Emperor saying that it's 'inhumane' fucking killed me. I don't know why him saying that in response to one of the Primarchs picking up a lover is so fucking funny but also kind of accurate? I mean, pulling a normal human into what is basically a small pantheon of demigods isn't exactly a good idea. Not to mention the dangers involved that you could go on about for hours. Both being around and with a Primarch. It's less that The Emperor would ever care about a singular human, but he more so just finds the absurdity of it, amusing. Or as amusing as someone like him can.

I definitely think out of all the (future) heretic Primarchs, Mortarion, Fulgrim, Magnus, and Lorgar would probably both be the most gentle. He's also horrifically damaged (which Primarch isn't lmao) and has a slew of self image issues. He might not cry, but he'll sure as hell give you the stars as long as you don't drop to the wayside like everyone else in his life. You're the figurative jewel of his eye, and nothing will take you away from him.

He loves you, you love him, it's awful and harmful and will probably end terribly but damn does it taste good.

Also, a snippet to go with this. Enjoy.

Mortarion/Fem!Reader, No extreme warnings apart from typical 40kness and hinting at a toxic, obsessive relationship. I'm actually really coming around to liking Morty, if I never get a chance I really want to write some of my personal ideas for him

That meeting still lingers on your mind. You look out the window and wring your hands, trying to figure out why your heart continues to pound so hard against your chest. When it doesn't stop, you sit down and fail to try and stop your mind from running it through once again.

You met The Emperor.

You met the father- or simply creator as some of the Primarchs refer to him- to the Primarch you could possibly call your beloved.

It had been a surprise meeting; You were already so worn and tired from speaking to Primarch Fulgrim, shoulders tense and mind strained. While you might be close to Mortarion, being in the presence of Primarchs is still such an intense and formal ordeal, that forces you to carefully watch your words, your tone, your body language.

Just as The Phoenician seemed to be getting bored of you, as you kept politely avoiding giving him any worthwhile and intimate details about Mortarion, The Emperor had apparently come to see the lover of his fourteenth son; The first of them to ever take someone that could be potentially called a consort. It has been the rumor of the palace for days now, and it's seems to have spread now even to the Golden Throne.

He only ever spoke one sentence to you. And it will likely remain the only one. You would delude yourself into thinking that you have any business with The Emperor, beyond what little falls from Mortarion's lips. Either way, his words and voice with stay within your mind for as long as you live.

He looked down on you, barely able to reach his hips, and almost seemed to sigh. As much as a man such as him could. When you dared look at him, seeing any emotion on a man so borderline ethereal seemed so out of place. Though it was only there for a moment, and then his expression turned to that non-emotion of cold stoicism.

"I should not be surprised, to see he chose someone so small they cannot think to stand against him."

You decided to keep your head respectfully bowed in his presence, but you can't help but furrow your brow ever the slightest at his cryptic speech.

"You fraternize with the most fractured of all my sons. Do be careful with him."

Did he mean to be careful around him? Or to be careful with him? How could someone that in the grandness of things, as insignificant as you, be able to do either?

You pull yourself from being lost in your own thoughts and look out over the palace skyline, seeing nothing but golden peaks as far as the eye can see. It's inconceivable in size, that just viewing it doesn't give even the slightest hint as to it's sheer scale. And from what little you've heard, it's not even close to it's completion. New Praetorian Rogal Dorn has been continuing it's construction for years now, and will likely continue for decades more.

The soft sound of a door opening forces you to look towards it. Mortarion enters, and instantly comes closer. You haven't seen him since you had first encountered Fulgrim. You assume he had more urgent matters than batting away his fellow Primarchs away from the new thing of interest.

Your face softens as he comes closer, seeing his shoulders rolled forward slightly. The way he looks is a dead giveaway that he is in a terrible mood; Not uncommon whenever his so called brothers are involved. You assume that he is going to want a moment alone, and get up to take your leave. You'd heard nothing but his lamenting about hating the idea of returning to Terra for days now, but it seems you're wrong.

Before you have a chance to step away and leave the massive room that serves as the most private of his chambers, Mortarion quickly snatches your arm at the wrist. Though given the size of his hand in comparison to yours, his hand grasps a significant portion of your forearm.

"Do not leave."

You look at him, the way his grey hair shadows his thin face, and how he seems even more drained of energy. He towers over you, but yet he seems almost ungainly and defeated.

The Pale King orders you, but his words are almost dipped in something you might consider calling desperation.

He has told you before that interacting with his fellow Primarchs and The Emperor foremost is something he hates most. That it all reminds him of stolen revenge and his dead world, how he's overcast by the shadows of men like Sanguinius and Horus. You knew he would be more fragile, harder to deal with, but you didn't expect him to seem almost, humiliated. You're used to him being impossible to contend with, spiteful, hateful, angry; Not this.

His hand grips tighter when you don't immediately come back, enough that it begins to hurt. You sit back down and he lets go, only to cup his hand tightly around your jaw. He tilts your head up to look at him. It hurts your neck a bit from the intense angle, and your much smaller hands grip his wrist to try and gain leverage.

You watch his eyes glance over your face, his own slum and demoralized. His grip on your face softens just a bit so he isn't yanking you around like some sort of doll. At least not as much.

He sighs, and leans down enough so that his forehead touches yours, long strands of limp grey hair brushing against your face, and nothing more is said.

[bluginkgo]

The ending of season 1 is a pretty common topic right now. Of course, many theories have been said so here I am adding my own jumbled mess of thoughts and probably repeating what other, smarter, people have already said.

Spoilers, duh

The main question I actually kinda wanna take a dive into is why destroy earth?

A parasite on a usual timeline, tries to take over its host and use the host to produce more parasites to infect others. Ok, that's fine. But if absolute solver is like a parasite- which is what it seems to be almost like- why destroy earth? Yes, we saw what it did to the Elliot mansion. That must have been only just the beginning and a small taste of what it's capable.

So by the parasitic definition, it should try to find more hosts and more zombie drones to expand its reign. But does that really require to make earth into what N saw?

The first time I saw this theory it was pitched by LoreDrone on youtube- they do amazing theories and explanations. Go take a look, they explain it much better than I can. But basically they said that perhaps the true form of the absolute solver isn't this:

Or this:

And definetly not this:

But instead is a black hole AKA this:

That once the parasitic like nature finally takes complete control of the planet, it will do this and create a black hole.

The insane amount of times absolute solver has referred (or others have) to black holes is crazy. The most direct being: "The Solver of the Absolute Fabric. The void. The exponential end."

Sound familiar? Yeah, sounds like a black hole. It would actually explain some random things that we see throughout the show.

Like the two black holes that slowly float away after Uzi and N defeat eldrich J.

And not to mention all of the black holes that are seen in drawings both from Nori and others in eps 4 and 6.

There is an issue here though. The small creatures that we see for eldrich J, the corrupted core plus the small head that was projecting Khan's dead body only have a small impact and therefore produce little black holes. Uzi was able to create- although accidently- black holes throughout Dead End. All of which could not take full form as the first time, she passes out and thus the black hole form disintegrates. And the second time was when N chopped off her arm.

This all means that the absolute solver needs more solver drones like Cyn to create a large enough black hole to take its final form.

Here's the kicker though.

Why send disassembly drones to the planet then? We get a direct quote from Liam himself saying that spoilers! The humans didn't make the disassembly drones- which pretty much leaves Cyn to be the one that made them, and that's pretty true seeing as she was already making prototypes in the library basement in ep 5.

Copper 9 and many other planets (when Tessa explained) were studying absolute solver and trying to use its powers. "But all they did was spread it." Sounds like a perfect plan for the absolute solver, right? Spread the parasites and its hive mind/cloud based nature to overtake galaxies! So then... why send disassembly drones to Copper 9? The main hub where two very powerful solver drones, by the looks of it, that have huge potential! Nori and Yeva.

And both killed by disassembly drones. Sounds counterproductive, doesn't it?

"J, relay hand. Cyn's orders."

"Step 1: Clear drop zone of life and construct spires. Step 2..."

"Enter labs with this symbol."

Ladies and gentlemen, here we are. Idk if it's a commonly accepted theory or take, but I'm on this boat and I will proudly burn down with it.

Cyn is on our side.

Tessa (although she's very sketch) and J are trying to figure out why Cyn sent disassembly drones to other exo-planets. It is also Cyn's administration that's blocking absolute solver from completely corrupting our trio. It was also Cyn that ordered the eradication of all worker drones. We see that many of these worker drones are... by all technicality and for the most part aside from some odd balls- are correctly disposed of. Their bodies are ripped apart, devoured of their oil and cannot reboot as a zombie drone.

If Cyn was completely corrupted by absolute solver, she'd send the disassembly drones to perhaps kill the worker drones to increase the rate of zombie drones to wake up with the absolute solver string in them- just like seen with Cyn. But no. The entire spire is constructed of corpses in pieces.

Now as for my take on the ending (and let me tell you, I bet you I'm 100% wrong and this will probably not happen) I think our trio will beat whatever the f*ck is in Cabin Fever labs and team up with Cyn to then go to other planets and save them from absolute solver. A rather optimistic uptake, I know. But I'm also for a lot of the more bittersweet and not so happy ending theories that are out there.

I saw it from @villainsrule2018 for the first time. That this image may be Copper 9 by the end of the season. I absolutely love the idea that we might lose Copper 9 but perhaps save other planets. But I have another take on this. This is earth. We've lost earth already, and off to the side we have Copper 9's moons, implying Copper 9 is its next target.

As per usual, there's plenty of holes and inconsistencies in my theories and ramblings. Feel free to expand or go against this, I love hearing other theories on how season 1 will end. ^_^

[that-spider-fan-over-there]

Something about Izuku I keep thinking about is how much he's a downright hypocrite and the only reason he isn't called out on it is because he's one for himself and not for others and at the core of it all it boils down to his pending childhood issues and the *vaguely gestures* "relationship" he and Katsuki have- I mean, just out of the top of my head:

Wants to be a strong and dependable hero but is at his weakest when he's alone.

Says to Himiko he would never hurt someone he loves but was the reason Katsuki was forced to dance with death until his own sacrifice. Hell, I'm expecting him to actually accidentally hurt Katsuki (Physically? Emotionally? You decide) next time they talk.

Wants to save people with a smile but barely cracked genuine ones during his battle with Tenko- I can think of two(?), and even then those felt more like a resignation (379 and 412 iirc) than actual smiles.

Being aware Kacchan's a jackass, fine, but the entire "Imitate the people you love/admire" themes, having an attitude when heated or absolutely Done with anyone's BS (makes sense for someone who grew up besides a kid in the Inferiority-Superiority Complex but still) and "This is a battle between All For One and One For All, you can't keep up" is still very much pot calling the kettle black (it's because his "arrogance" is rooted in selflessness and desire to be useful but that's for another day)

Deadass called All For One out for being a lonely man pretending to be a "Demon Lord" yet will not admit he himself thinks a he's just a lonely kid pretending to be a hero; and by the time he seemed to be growing out of it: Paranormal Liberation Front.

"IT'S YOUR POWER, ISN'T IT?!" Cool, nice of him to comfort Shoto and try the same with Touya, now if only he could do the same in regards to himself and OFA-

Wasn't able to connect with Tenko at all and that's why he failed but it's wild to me he'd still the one who even at surface level could relate to):

Spinner, because they're nerds who were ostracized based on Quirks/lack thereof looking for a purpose and were unable to help him because of AFO's interference;

Himiko, because they want to be like others (because they hate themselves at least a little bit) but also show love in a way others wouldn't accept and;

Touya, because they wanted to prove they could be useful to others and be heroes to the point of actively harmed themselves while using their own Quirk.

Hell, when you think about it he related to the crying child but he could've used Literally Anything from his relationship with Katsuki to try and reach Tenko, but of course he didn't, that means he'd have to think about his own issues and yet he saw Tenko's issues no wonder he didn't get the job done-

Also can we talk about him saying he relates to Ochako confronting Himiko but she actually succeeded- Or even Shoto wanting to forgive Endeavor; I keep recalling both Ch. 322 him saying he won't forgive Tenko for anything he did (understandable but still) and Tenko going "And I won't forgive anyone". Connecting these three instances are huge stretches, I know, but really, he hasn't addressed the apology he got- combined narrative punishments for empty platitudes.

Kept saying he needed to improve in his control with OFA: had to get beaten up during his internship and in the Summer Camp for that lesson to stick... Then he heard the words "Control Your Heart" and decided to Not Address It At All.

Supposed to surpass but he's really All Might's successor in every way that counts: Smile so nobody will worry, keep fighting even though you are destroying yourself, be so selfless you'll make your friends desperate enough to make you stop for your own good, hide every single thing you can about yourself, the only difference is in the bed they made: Toshinori lies in omission most of the time, and Izuku thinks he lies in white when almost every other character's in the dark, but as long as there's a dream of bright smiles in the future, who cares they're now forcefully entangled in this nightmare, right?

And these are just the examples I can think of the top of my head, there might be more, but. No wonder we've been "panicking" (let's be real his therapist already scheduled him for Ground Beta atp-) Shoto and Ochako brushed him off by accident in Chapter 425, it's the consequences of his hypocritical ass coming back to bite him-

(I am not hating on him, by the way, it's just something about him I wanted to point out. I like that aspect of his. Makes him more human. But jeez can someone call him out and make him practice what he preaches? XD)

[isalisewrites]

A ramble on writing where April broke my heart

Hooo boi.

March was a dream in comparison to April.

Emergency gallbladder surgery? Someone faking their death in my server? Good times. I wanna go back.

I have been through much in three short months. April has shown that it's taken a toll. I have missed many more days of writing. I'm still missing them in May. But I'm slowly gripping onto the last vestiges of my raw determination, all while in the face of so much.

I had a falling out with my closest family member that shook me to the core of my heart. I barely slept for most of the month again. Gallbladder surgery has proven to have some complications on my nervous system, making normal daily life difficult where it's hard to sit or lie down without experiencing full body numbness and tingling in various areas, including my hands and fingers. (No, not blood clots. 100% without a doubt it's my nerves.)

If you've followed me here (post one and two) and have read my author's on Terrible, But Great Chapter 30, then you know what went down with my family member. It took so much of my time and energy. I wrote well over 8,000 words trying to reason with this family member, only for all of it to be scorned and mocked. A part of me feels like that energy was wasted. I could have 8,000 more words in TBG, but I don't. This is all I have.

A part of me looks at it and says, "Give it back. Give me back my writing." What happened to January? Or even February? What happened to the girl who could wake up at 4am in the morning, an hour before she had to leave for her hysteroscopy, to power write 700 words?

Some days, I go up the stairs and I'm winded like I ran a marathon.

Some days, if I walk on the treadmill for more than 6 to 10 minutes, I feel like I'm dying.

It's been an uphill battle. The struggle is real, but so am I.

In the last week of December of 2023, when I realized how long it would take me to finish Terrible, But Great, I was overcome with what I call 'The Stirring.' I don't know what else to call it, but it always has an air of mystery and premonition for what it is to come. I thought at that time, "If I had limited time to live, what do I want to do?"

"I want to write."

So, I did.

In 2023, I published a total of 43,000 words in TBG. In 2024, from January to April, I've written 110,604 words and have published 35,000 words thus far. The year isn't even halfway over and I've done better this year than I have last year.

In spite of it all, I'm doing pretty damn good.

There's still hope. I'm not giving up. It might feel like morale is low, but it's not. I'm going to keep going as much as I can through all the hardships because writing is truly the one thing that breathes life into me.

By the end of April, I finished my business class with an essay about how the class shifted my beliefs. This class in combination with all of my health issues and social conflicts sparked an overwhelming revelation and a new rising determination within my soul.

You see, you all have witnessed my love and passion for writing Terrible, But Great, a Harry Potter fanfiction, but I also have original stories that I've wanted to write. Yet, I haven't been able to finish them because I'm always thinking about the market in the real world, instead of what I want and what the story wants. Fanfiction, I can do whatever the hell I want and yall are just gonna have to strap in and hold onto dear life cause it's gonna be a bumpy ride. Original novels, however, are done differently and I've often struggled due to so many factors.

I have ADHD. I am autistic. I have health issues which are rapidly piling up on top of each other. My career choice might not even be feasible for me in the long run, so why I am allowing myself to be pressured into doing more than I can handle with a class load?

I want to write. I want to write. I want to create.

Oh, how I want to create.

So, I will.

Two years ago, I gave up on my dream of writing original novels and earning a living through them. I've since repented of that notion. As I continue write Terrible, But Great, I'm also going to be working on my original novels on the side. Someday, perhaps, I'll be able to earn a living as a published author.

That's my realistic ideal.

I wrote 457 words today, May 9th. That's good enough. The goal this month is to write more than April. I can do that. On the days where prose is hard, I simply write my scene idea in a zero draft style. I don't worry about the prose; I'll fix it later. Every word counts. Every word can be changed. Every word can be made better.

Every word is good enough.

Until next month.

[pbnmj]

Genuinely curious, what’s up with Noir’s age? And what does it have to do with his 08/09 run? ((You may ignore if you wish :D))

i no longer have to do an extremely long explaination about comics noir because it has already been done here, by foolsocracy!!!!!!! really great breakdown of his very vague age, which is never said outright in the 08-09 run, only implied!! my own personal take on this is that he's 17-turning-18 in the first one, just about graduated high school but not able to afford college (see the panel below LOL)

this also got a little longer than i thought it would, so under the cut for the rest of it! the tl:dr is "itsv!noir is not the same as comics!noir, and people saying that he's 19 isn't strictly true. to me, he's around 30!"

eyes without a face (the 09 run!!) only takes place 8 months after, in september 1933, which makes peter 18-turning-19. this is more of a headcanon though!! (see the noir birthday poll, which made me a noir-is-a-december-baby truther)

(peter being a libra is mentioned once in the first issue of amazing spider-man (2015), mostly as a punchline, and a specific date of october 10th was given in another issue that i have lost. other media, like with the mcu, has his birthday on august 10th. but to me noir is a sagittarius and you cannot pry that from me)

the 2020 run of noir begins establishing the year as 1939, making peter around his mid-20s, and 25 if you believe me on the 'peter was 17 in noir 2008' LOL.... i won't lie though i haven't read this one properly i very quickly skimmed so pinch of salt regarding my takes on the 2020 run

noir being in his teens during the first original runs is why "itsv!noir is 17-19" goes around so often! i've seen that on tumblr, twitter AND on tiktok and i don't mind what people hc, but it has become a pet peeve when people say it like its canon even though it's never been mentioned by the writers or the art book. itsv!noir is similar to his comic counterpart, but his differences in his origin story make me interpret him as a different noir (like how peter b.'s dimension is 616B, making him... 90214B?)

again, we are straying from itsv canon/etc here because i'm deranged, but i personally hc noir as being 32! some of my friends think he's in his mid-20s, others think he's older, but really the only reason is that 32 is the midpoint between the other two peter parkers: ripeter was 26 and peter b is 38. he's also voiced by nic cage, which makes me think older in the first place!

i just like the idea that he's more experienced that ripeter, but hasn't gone through as much as peter b. he spends most of the movie being broody ("moral ambiguity of your actions!", "matches burn down to my fingertips", etc etc), or snarkier than you'd expect ("it's that easy" "who are you again?" "you gonna fight or are you just bumping gums" etc etc). he also very sweetly tells everyone that he loves them before he leaves !!! i feel like it can in fact be in character for a peter parker in his late 20-early 30s, distanced from his tragedies in his own world by time (he doesn't forget them, that's different !) being able to look out for the spiders around him.

okay now we are VERY deep into hc territory, but it makes him able to balance out the rest of the itsv spider-gang as an older-brother figure who's able to guide peni, miles and gwen but also be able to act as a voice of reason for peter b. and ham if the sitauation calls for it. that being said noir is still peter parker and is therefore capable of spider-esque tomfoolery, which can lead to him misjudging the need for a snarky one liner ("this is a pretty hard core origin story"). my characterisation of him is also very inspired by heyitsspiderman, the itsv fic that changed me for the better, and noir isn't even in it that much LOL

veering back into itsv!noir's age and your actual question though: he's always read older in the movies, and not at all 17-19. noir is always going to be around 30 (32 if i have to give a number) to me!! if anything, he did go through the same kind of 'canon events' as comics noir did, but is an older and more experienced version of him, with tweaks to the backstory (like a radioactive spider instead of a spider-god, and webshooters instead of organic webbing). there are reasons ofc to see him being younger (egg creams are non-alcoholic, and that if it's 1933, his comicsverse self would be 18-19 too) . however you must consider that sony didn't expand on this and therefore it's up to fan interpretation and also that

[starker-raving-mads]

For You: Part VII

Part I | Part II | Part III | Part IV | Part V | Part VI | Part VII | Part VIII | Part IX

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To say that the next week was hectic was to put it lightly. Peter didn't surface from the lab for anything - Not Aunt May (and her terrible lasagna that Peter loved so dearly), not Ned and MJ, not even for Bucky, who had taken to texting Peter fairly regularly with things like lunch requests or questions about pop culture.

(The man was, hilariously, Steve's opposite in that regard. He still didn't remember much of his time on ice, but he reveled in all of modern technology instead of simply trying to deal with it, which was Steve's approach. He and Peter had partaken in more than one text conversation that ended after 2 hours with, 'Steve's taking my phone because he says I'm becoming a zombie staring at the screen. I think he's just jealous because he doesn't understand modern…anything, really. I think he might be a himbo. Am I using that word right?')

No, Peter instead spent that time with Tony, having the longest, craziest, most wonderful lab binge of his life. His sleep schedule was royally messed up because of it, taking to just falling asleep at his desk or on the couch instead of going back up to the penthouse. He only got a few hours at a time like that anyway and it just didn't seem worth it to put an official pause on their work.

What was their work? Integrating Tony into everything.

He was already fully incorporated into the lab, that was easy enough after the confirmation of the program's success. But they made small tweaks to improve his core functioning systems, defined a few things, and Tony went from almost being Tony Stark to really being Tony Stark. The first day or two, the man had stilled unnaturally in a way that Tony just never had. He'd also not remember certain things, important things, until reminded of them.

"I have a daughter?" he'd asked, overwhelmed awe spread across his face. "I have a daughter!" He looked at Peter then, that same unfamiliar softness in his eyes. "I made you her godfather! Isn't Morgan just amazing?"

"Sorry, Mr. Stark," Peter grimaced at the perplexity on the other man's face. "Since Ms. Potts has been kind of…upset about the whole SI thing, I haven't been allowed to see her." And he'd tried, he really had. He wanted to know the little girl that was half Tony, who was his family in all but blood. But Pepper had responded to every request with a resounding 'no' and she was Morgan's mom, so she got the final say.

Tony had a look of determination on his face at that. "Yeah, we'll see about that."

But all those little issues had been flushed out in the first few days, and now they were working on incorporating his program into everything. Peter already wired him into the Spider-Man suit, tapped him into the tower's network architecture, and into the smart glasses the man had pointed out to him that were, apparently, never finished in the face of the Peter Project.

EDITH, he had called it, but based on all the features she had, Peter was mostly positive it was better that project was never finished. Peter kept the glasses, though, body having an all over shiver the first time he heard Mr. Stark's voice directly in his ear.

Now, they were putting the finishing touches on getting Tony wired into the penthouse, which had its own individual network infrastructure and security protocols. Having Friday helped with a lot of the grunt work, but there were some fine tuning things that Peter had to do to wrap it up.

"There!" he said, leaning back on his haunches as he slid the discreet panel back over the hidden network rack in the living room (carefully hidden behind tall, leafy vegetation he was vaguely sure was called a monster plant). "Okay, Fri-baby, fire it up, let him in."

"Are you sure, Mom?" Friday said, voice warm with humor. "Shouldn't guests knock first?"

"Your father is not a guest, dear," he joked back with her, loving the rapid way she grew with him. He was weirdly proud of her, seeing all these changes in behavior and temperament.

"If you say so."

And then - Tony.

Adding the holographic projection system was another touch Peter had to manually install, like with a drill and everything. It was absolutely worth the time spent crawling around on the ceiling when the man bloomed to life in front of him, craning his neck around to check out the apartment.

"Man, I forgot how bland this place was," he said, eyeing the all-white leather couch and black slate flooring of the sunken living room.

"Bland?" Peter asked, aghast. "This place is great!"

Tony gave him a look. "Kid, I know your taste runs to the science pun t-shirt side of the spectrum, but all black and white isn't exactly that much of a step up from beige."

Peter flushed. "I mean, it's simple but it's nice! And why did you even pick it if you didn't like it?"

"Oh," the older man responded, casually walking around the space. "I didn't. Hired some expensive decorator and told them to go crazy with it." He shrugged. "The lab was always my space, so I didn't really give a damn went on up here as much. Pep was the one to put the art and stuff up - which I see she took."

"Yeah, it was gone by the time I got up here, but not much else thankfully. And I guess that makes sense. The lab just…feels like you, Mr. Stark."

Tony gave him another look. "Kid, you've gotta start calling me Tony. It's cute when you say it, but since I'm essentially a ghost, I think we're past the point of titles."

"I mean," Peter said, struggling not to let all the blood in his body rush to his face at how enflamed he felt at Mr. Stark calling him cute. "If I'm only cute when I say it, I guess I have to keep it up, right, Mr. Stark?" He was falling far short of the playful retort he was going for, mostly because there was too much sincerity in the words.

"Pete, you're cute with or without the 'Mr. Stark' schtick," Tony chuckled casually, as though he wasn't uprooting Peter's entire existence right now.

"O-oh, okay." This was one of those things that made Tony differ from Mr. Stark and Peter had to say, he appreciated it. The openness and honesty, the lack of barrier he could always feel was there before. He wondered how much of it was anxiety and part of the physical pretense of being Tony Stark that made him that way, that he lacked now. Whatever it was, Peter liked it. "So, Tony."

"That's my name, kid," he winked, "don't wear it out."

Peter rolled his eyes. This was the Tony he was used to.

"But seriously," Tony continued, picking their previous conversation back up. "You should redo this place, liven it up a little! Some paint, new furniture, yada yada," he waved a hand around the room. "I've seen your bedroom, not to mention the apartment you shared with May - eclectic is in, and now you've got all the money in the world to make your space your own."

"I hadn't really thought about it like that," Peter said, walking over to where Tony's glowing blue form was. "It just - it feels so weird to change things in your house, you know?"

"Peter, and I say this sincerely," Tony said and yes his tone was playful but sincere nonetheless. "I never cared about how this place looked, it was a matter of convenience. It was a bed and a kitchen and a respectable place to have people over but that's about it. And it's your house now."

Peter furrowed his brow. "But the media center and the blankets and pillows - ?"

"Yeaaaaah," the man dragged out and turned to look over at the TV set up in question. "I may or may not have bought that after you mentioned wanting to binge Star Wars with me when you'd realized I hadn't seen all of them." He shrugged but the casual gesture was ruined by the side-eyed sincerity.

"You bought," Peter started, "an entire TV set up, surround sound, and game console just to watch TV with me?"

"Sure," the man shrugged again and Peter knew for a fact that his whole casual-whatever he was doing was put upon, but he didn't know how to call it out - or if he even wanted to.

What do you say when someone spends a few thousand grand on something because you mentioned it offhand in one conversation?

"Listen, kid," Tony sighed, looking over at him finally. "I told you I was too much and this is what I meant. I do - too much. Extravagant gifts and shit like," he waved his hand at the media center wall, "whole media center set ups and custom blankets without asking." He shrugged, and it was probably the first time Peter had ever seen the man truly awkward, for all that he fidgeted normally. "People've been telling me that my whole life but I just can't ever seem to break the habit." He sounded truly apologetic and that was the moment that Peter snapped.

"Stop," he said, voice firm, face rigid. Tony looked at him, chagrined, like a kid being told off after putting his hand in the cookie jar. "There is nothing wrong with you," Peter continued and watched as the man's glowing blue face snapped up at him in surprise. "Your love language is just gift giving, is all," he explained. "You show people you care by giving them things and I bet it's always things like this," he waved toward the media center. "Things they've mentioned or things you know they'll need or care about. Right?" Tony nodded, eyes wide behind his square framed glasses. "Then, there you go," he said, running out of the confident steam he'd been using for his little mini-rant. "You just want to give people you care about things to make their lives better or things they want or way to enjoy themselves better. There's nothing wrong with that. Sure, it can feel like a little much sometimes due to the expense of such things but at the same time - it's your money, you can afford it, so why not?"

The look on Tony's face clearly said that no one had spelled it out like that before and that he wasn't totally sure if he believed Peter.

Peter smiled, a little sadly. "Tony, if I had thought you were giving me things to make me in debt to you or buy my loyalty or something, I'd have turned them down. But it's obvious you don't, and why would I try and hurt you by being a dick about it?"

Tony cleared his throat. "I gotta say, kid, you're like the first person to not give a damn about it. It's always either people after my money, or people who think I'm trying to buy them with it. It's…refreshing."

"I mean," Peter said while he walked over to the large, squishy chaise side of the couch he liked. "It's not like I don't think about it? It's just - like I didn't grow up with a lot of money, right? And neither did my friends. And so when Ned or someone went out of their way to get me something it really meant a lot. And while you have the ability to probably buy a small country - " Tony laughed, " - that doesn't negate the fact that you put thought and energy into it just like anyone else would."

Tony sat down on the other side of the couch from him, their usual seats, and the normalcy of the action soothed Peter. He was starting to look past the faint blue glow of the other man and just see Tony.

"Thanks, kid," Tony said, looking over at him. "I mean that."

"I know you do," Peter smiled softly. He curled in on himself, snuggling into the cushions, wishing he had his movie blanket.

Tony's mind seemed to go the same direction. "Where's that blanket of yours?" he asked, craning his neck to look at the space where the basket of blankets and spare pillows for the living room used to be.

Peter sighed. "It was one of the things Ms. Potts took," he shrugged. "I haven't gotten around to replacing it yet."

The older man frowned. "You should have Friday do it," he finally said. "I didn't buy it, I crafted it out of the same textile I used to make Steve's stuff with." At Peter's look, he explained, "Capcicle has a similar texture issue that you do, senses cranked up a little under yours. Your first Spider-Man suit was made out of an off-shoot of the formula, but the base is perfect for blankets and things." He furrowed his brow, looking away, thinking. "Pepper knew that," he muttered to himself. "Fri? Get on that, will you?"

"You got it, Boss."

"Maybe she had them grab it by accident when she sent people up to get the artwork and stuff?" Peter pondered.

"Yeah, maybe," Tony agreed though he didn't sound convinced. "How about," he said instead of whatever seemed to be on his mind, "you go grab a blanket from somewhere and we watch something. You wouldn't believe how fast my brain runs now," he chuckled. "And I don't really sleep anymore, so being online and zoning out a little would be nice."

Peter smiled and agreed, stopping at the kitchen to pop a bag of microwave popcorn in before heading down the hallway. He paused by his room first before ultimately going to Tony's and grabbing the bundled up comforter. It was just so much softer than the one in the guest room, and it still faintly smelled like the other man. That wasn't too weird right?

Pushing back the anxiety in him that screamed, 'uh yeah it's weird he's going to call you out on it,' Peter walked back out to the living room and dumped it onto the couch. He tried to be casual about it, twisting on his heel to grab the popcorn and pour it into a bowl before coming back to the living room and snuggling down into the blanket.

He tried not to pay attention to the long, long look Tony gave him when the teen asked, "Anything you're in the mood for?"

After a moment, the older man said, "Fuck it, let's watch Star Wars again."