#anyway as always here i be rambling in the tags because i can’t help myself

[lilyoffandoms]

Choices Writer Appreciation Month

Based on this ask to @choicesmonthlychallenge.

The event will run August 1st-31st with a few extra days to catch up if needed.

Week 1 (Tuesday, August 1st through Monday, August 7th): Read and reblog, with a comment, at least one fic from your assigned secret writer.

Week 2 (Tuesday, August 8th through Monday, August 14th): Read and reblog, with a comment, at least one fic that another participant reblogged on week one.

Week 3 (Tuesday, August 15th through Monday, August 21st): Recommend at least one writer (any writer) and link to your favorite fic or fics from them.

Week 4 (Tuesday, August 22nd through Monday, August 28th, aka the best day): This week is optional, but highly encouraged by me hehe. Write a small fic/drabble/headcanons/etc. dedicated to your assigned writer from week one. Try and use their characters/pairings, or an AU with your pairings/characters and theirs.

How to participate:

Reblog this post stating your interest AND include the three or four fics you would have your secret match start with. You can also DM me stating your interest and 3-4 fic recs.

Deadline to participate is Saturday, July 29th. You will receive your match and their personal recommendations on Monday, July 31st at the latest.

You can read their recs or read any of their fics that interest you. Read and reblog, with a comment, any or all their recs or fics. It’s entirely up to you.

Please tag me in all reblogs and use #choiceswriterappreciation2023 so I can reblog and keep track.

Rules:

Be kind! This is meant to be a fun and supportive event.

If you cannot complete any of the first three weeks, please let me know asap. Life happens. Trust me, I really do get that. But don’t leave your match hanging. Tell me so I can find a replacement match.

Anyone that participates on week four will be entered to win a two character art commission for themself AND a two character art commission for their match.

Above all else, have fun discovering a new writer or maybe even an old favorite!

——————————

Tagging those that commented in the affirmative on the original ask: @kristinamae093 @karahalloway @choicesficwriterscreations @aallotarenunelma @tessa-liam @storyofmychoices

[bluffmotel]

I always LOVE your character analysis', so random question!!! Would you indulge me about your thoughts on the Romeros (both paul and dante)? You can be as vague or as detailed as you want!

oh i absolutely love this question, thank you! and the timing was rather perfect, given the release of the black book, so it’s safe to say these two ( and more specifically dante ) have been haunting around the depths of my mind … and while i’m a vince & tyler fan first and foremost, i do have thoughts on everyone else and the general story! so without further ado, let’s talk about the romeros :

while as dusk falls is about two respective families ( the holts & the walkers, as we come to find out pretty quick ) i think it’s irrefutable to deny that paul and dante are tangled inside this little web themselves! they’re two figures that help bring the past and present together : paul recognizes jim, although not well, but more importantly if vince allows his father to leave for the hospital, he makes a rather pointed comment about not letting dante see or recognize him. jim also seems rather interested when asking our protagonist, “so you met the sheriff? what’s he like?” before doubling down rather hard on not trusting the law, and this opinion of dante is so intense that ( depending on dialogue choices ) if vince sides with the holts over dante, jim can potentially agree with his choice, in a way he won’t with dante. and given paul’s entanglement with sharon for decades and his bond with bear? these two are in the frying pan right there alongside our leading families! it’s rather easy to dismiss their importance, i think, but give the two enough thought and them being there while the desert dream goes down, as passive and aggressive forces respectively, really feels fated. of course it’s dante the holt boys stole from, and of course it’s paul’s place of work the walkers stumble upon, and of course it all comes to a head and leaves us with one of our final choices in book one : which of these devils are you trusting? dante or the holts? i like to imagine this echoes whatever went down all those years ago with jim, or at least serves as a continuation of whatever he refused to finish.

but that’s getting a little more into general game territory & it’s themes, so back to my thoughts on the romeros specifically, which can be summed up as … i love them! dante in particular grew on me a lot throughout the constant replays, even though i always adored his character! and paul was fantastic in his background role, casually revealing the more heavy hand he had in things ( which you don’t expect! ) with throwaway lines and oddly loaded advice. paul’s a good man, and if it’s not obvious by how protective joyce is of him, then it’s proven tenfold when he either tends to an injured vince at the very end of book one, or tries giving cpr to his dead body if tyler drowns him. like?? what a sweetheart! there’s nothing to hate about paul, but he’s a great example of a character who’s more than what he seems without taking away from the main narrative, another role joyce serves right along with him. these two did their thing as ‘random’ people in the desert dream and the devs took great care to lay out some good groundwork for them in spite of their non importance. and, in general, they act as good voices for vince to consider when it comes to the final choice! joyce trusts dante, talks about him with respect and all of her slightly biting remarks are full of affection ( sentiments that mean a lot coming from her, someone who’s shown herself to be stubborn and no nonsense ), but on the other side, paul warns vince against dante, lamenting on their family’s low opinions of him and his position as sheriff ( an important opinion because paul is dante’s family ), and so on so forth. paul and joyce balance each other well, and i always make sure paul gets his pizza. he has low blood sugar, dale! give him some food, god damn it!

and to talk more about dante, he’s an excellent character in a gaming world full of pathetic villains or straight up irredeemable monsters. the ceo of interior night has been very vocal about making sure nobody in as dusk falls felt like anything less than a human being, and dante ( as well as bear, i’d say ) proves she mostly succeeded … in the case of book one, anyway. it’s very easy to villainze him in the moment and even away from the game if you only give him a passing glance : he’s ruthless, he threatens vince, someone who could’ve been nothing but obedient this whole time, and his abuse of his badge is supposed to be as revolting as it feels. but! he perfectly encapsulates one of the main themes in this game, which is that he doesn’t want to do this, but he feels like he has to. dante is looking at what is clearly multiple crossroads and just like the holts he only sees one path forward, which just happens to be the most violent one. it’s the path where he survives and he is safe, unscathed, and he can return to what his normal is. i’ve been meaning to make a big web weave about adf and this theme in particular but to perfectly sum it up, here’s a quote that feels like it was almost made for this game :

hansel, by richard siken.

like! this is what adf is about! dante may be one of the more awful parties, yes, but he is still just a man who truly believes in his little black heart that this route is what’s best for him -- and so he’s gotta take it. it’s rather easy to not notice his humanity in the midst of this high stakes situation ( and because his counterpart is paul, of all people ), but it is there, and this is exactly why i enjoy seeing him on my screen and would love to do more with him himself someday! dante, in particular, cares about the holts … and i mean the holt boys, not just sharon. despite his spiraling mental state and the time limit he’s under, the sheriff exercises a rather immense amount of patience when it comes to the holts, like, it’s rather obvious he didn’t want them coming to harm in the way that they did. when dale comes out for the iconic sniper scene, dante attempts bargaining with him after his initial instinct to annoy and pry -- and it’s clear that he wants dale to just hand him the book, and he wants dale to surrender and give dante what he needs so everyone can make it out alive, at least. in his moment of blind need, he fails to actually notice that dale’s confusion and fear is genuine, mistakes it as dale’s usual playing around, and goes “have it your way,” before signaling his sniper. he could’ve just shot dale the second he stepped out of the door, and then looted his corpse for the book, or whatever else. but no. he takes the slightly longer way, for as long as he can, and since dante believes himself to be above the law, who is he holding back for? it’s for the holt boys, kids he probably saw grow up! and it’s for sharon. and it’s for joyce, and paul, and maybe even vince and his family, at first. dante becomes colder as the night drones on but given his immense power trip, it’s clear he had no real qualms ending things with police brutality, even at the beginning. makes his attempts at trying to end things peacefully at the start of book one a lot more interesting, in my opinion, because we quickly find out this was dante’s way of showing everyone mercy. which is scary! but again, showcases he’s more than some villain.

and his face after killing dale, if you choose not to save him, also doesn’t scream that this is someone who’s particularly enjoying this. the expressions made between the shot firing and dante looking at the kid’s body bag corpse is … grim.

like, this is not a victorious look at all! the way he just watches as dale’s body is picked up and taken away, expression never changing … he probably feels numb, this sense of : i did what i had to. but he doesn’t like it, and maybe it’d be easier if he did, and maybe he wants it that way too, you know?

i also find this scenario particularly tragic because i believe dale was probably dante’s token favorite out of the holt boys, at least before their falling out. it’s just bizarre to me the amount of hatred dale holds for him in a rather pointed manner -- it just feels personal, and it wouldn’t be personal if dale never cared for two rock’s biggest pig to begin with. how i think the juvie thing went down, in simple terms, is this : dante, who was still a close friend of sharon’s at the time and enjoyed visiting & hanging around the house here and there, someone who saw the first two holt boys through their infancy with paul, got a call about dale ( who had pushed past his usual amateur crimes to commit literal assault ), and had no choice but to actually act this time. he had probably let dale off the hook beforehand, covered up his petty theft and underage drinking and what have you, and this fostered some unhealthy opinions about dante and his generosity, so when dale landed himself in genuine hot water, hot water that even the sheriff himself couldn’t cool down, he couldn’t do anything except give him juvie. WHICH! i like to believe dale committed this crime as an eighteen year old, which could’ve landed him in jail i’m sure since his actions were so severe. so dante didn’t leave dale hanging, technically, but him not letting him off with a slap on the wrist like the holts expected ( like dale thought he would ) fostered a hatred and finally cut dante & sharon apart for good. dale’s loathed dante ever since for his betrayal and dante responds with equal amounts of vitriol back. but his fondness and favoritism remains and shows itself in tiny ways even still, like his almost palpable disappointment that dale came out of that motel instead of tyler, for example. he was like damn, i was prepared to shoot tyler, not dale … :( and i think this is so fucking funny!

( i will say that after reading the black book, none of the above paragraph is canon anymore technically. but i don’t really care at this point because what they did do with dante and dale’s assault was so baffling and borderline stupid! so, like i said when i first got it, i’m viewing the book with the same mindset one would consider a writer’s tweets of ‘canon’ facts about their favorite book on twitter … meaning i can just pick and choose what i like and dislike. there is nothing in game that contradicts the above headcanon, so it’s still canon compliant to me -- anyway! just had to add that little note, just in case )

and this goes straight into headcanon territory, but personally? dante’s the one who got dale a tombstone made, the one we see at the very end of book two. it’s certainly not bear who got it made, someone thousands of dollars in debt and someone who could also be dead at this point … and everyone else either straight up wouldn’t waste their money on such a thing ( like joyce ), or just wasn’t there long enough to make such a memorial. it’s small and it’s ballsy given the holts and their awful reputation, but it’s still something. i’ve always wanted to write a fic about this -- dante going through the process of burying dale and getting him a nice plot of land as well as an actual tombstone … i wouldn’t be shocked if he thought of it as an apology for how things went, in the end. i cannot for the life of me think of anyone else who’d have the money and the desire to give dale, and potentially bear and tyler, a tombstone in their memory. maybe he thought it’d absolve him of any wrongdoing or lingering guilt he felt? maybe he thought it was enough, when in fact giving these people a proper burial was the least he could do. it’s a fun thought of mine that makes me quite sad regardless!

okay buckle up because we’re still talking about dante and the holts kinda, however! dante strikes me as someone who really, really wanted kids, but becky was probably unable to have them for some reason ; be it because of her accident, her being infertile, or what have you. i think he always dreamed of being a father and never fully was allowed that experience! which shows in how he interacts with zoe and ash, where there’s an overt awkwardness but also this sense of eagerness, a little display of tender heart and real worry. for example, he never once threatens zoe’s life! he may endanger her if she stays in the motel, and he has no qualms trying to kill her dad, yes, but not once does he use her as leverage against vince -- despite the fact that said kid could be firmly in his grasp, if she’s the one released! and i’ll have to post the scene when i replay, but if vince tells dante about zoe while in the back office and then takes her out as the hostage, dante bends down and talks to her and is stupidly sweet about the whole thing! so it might seem ironic for him to have a line, but he does, and it’s kids … another example is that when joyce calls him about ash being missing, he sends every available officer out there to search for ash, and when he finds him, he’s nothing but cautious and gentle and worried. it’s almost odd to see from him! when he quickly sheds his cool composer to show the intense rage underneath in most situations we see him in! but he does care deeply for kids and i like that his life’s punishment is him not being able to have them, be it because of them not actually being his own or circumstances making him not being able to raise any he might have. for someone as ambitious as dante i find it sooo endearing that he just, kinda wants children the most? adds to him i think, and it’s something that somberly reminds you that even the most evil seeming people could have the most mundane desires. seriously, there’s such an empty vibe to the big romero house with a wife who hardly leaves her room and some dog in the spacious backyard … ( and spoilers for the black book : but seeing how much dante wanted a dog and a big house really gives you ‘white picket fence’ american dream! with the missing component being the, y’know, kids, and said missing componet carves out this hollow feeling the entire time you dwell on it )

and this want makes me think he was probably around for the holt boys’ upbringings! i mean, not to be crude, but he was banging their mom and seemed to genuinely have loved her at one point in time, so i can only imagine he’d hang around the house here and there. same as paul, i’m sure! and maybe some part of him enjoyed doting on the boys without actively having to be their pa, allowed to just do the fun things most wannabe parents dream of doing rather than the actual hard work and responsibility, and maybe this once there bond contributes to his reluctance to kill the holts immediately. idk! i could see him being around for tyler and dale’s childhood, only to slwply begin fading when jay was brought into the picture -- and then he didn’t help dale out when it counted, and all the bridges between him and the holts were swiftly burned with that. he definitely talks about tyler and dale like he knows them well, which isn’t as weird for dale ( who has a reputation ) but for tyler? someone who notoriously fades into the background and keeps his head down? it implies a bond, i think, where he knew them young and even after him and sharon fell through he decided to keep tabs on them. would scope out where tyler was doing his odd jobs and had officers keep an eye on dale, etc. he’d keep trying to wash his hands of the holts but he never truly puts them behind him, which can be said for everyone else in the game, honestly! they’re like an infection ( something jay even describes them as! ) to where even if you think you’ve cleaned everything off, there’s always one spot you miss, and then the growth process begins again. anyway! he is unhinged for this by the way. man said : two kids without a stable pa figure? sign me up! and then he’d go on to potentially kill one of them on purpose after antagonizing them like he’s a teenager, which he has the nerve to act sad about in the aftermath. insane!!

( also quick timeline here, that i keep in mind whenever i talk or think about the romeros : so sharon and paul definitely knew each other first, but given paul’s energy towards sharon in the desert dream and obliviousness to her and dante’s affair, i don’t think they stayed close -- not after paul married, anyway. paul probably still came around, given his bond with both sharon & bear, but while dante was probably there a lot for the them as kids, i could see paul becoming a more strong figure when they were teenagers and young adults. their behavior towards paul in the desert dream is … strange! though if i had to guess, i’d say they just didn’t want to act like they knew him as well as they did, in order to protect him from any potential danger as well as themselves. wouldn’t want the other hostages to realize they wouldn’t kill paul, you know? it’d be a weakness, which is something the holt boys try very hard to hide in the desert dream situation )

though to focus back on paul a tad, i’m always obligated to talk about him and bear! like, i love paul and bear, so so much, and they’ve grown on me tremendously once i realized they went into vietnam together as soldiers. there’s something delicious about their predicament, where paul is forced into navigating a war with someone he’s jealous of, and someone who he believes to be a pretty shitty guy. and not only did they go in together, they came out together too … went through the flames and trauma and horror as one of those rare duos that actually got to go back home, with all their limbs attached and all! it’d certainly change paul’s views on bear i think, to have seen him in action like that, and to foster what would’ve been a profound understanding, what with their bond being forged in intense warfare and all. his bond with bear is something i wish the game commented on more ( besides an offhand remark ) but oh, it’s quickly become one of my favorite things. bear is so incapable of making friends, and here’s the only one he probably has, someone so unlike him in personality and also someone who wants his wife carnally! like, jesus, the holts can never catch a break, they’re always involved in the most complicated relationships known to man as the town’s locally cursed family and as the town’s most wanted, i guess! but yeah, paul and bear <3 i view paul actually being closer with bear when they come back, electing to spend more time with him over sharon, since it’s easier and safer for him and his marriage … until that crashes anyway. and then paul decided to go sober, which is probably what destroyed their hangouts, leading to paul’s odd holtless time! would probably see the boys around town, as well as sharon and bear, but might just greet them and ask how things are ( typical small town stuff ) rather than actively making an effort to hang. that kinda thing. like he’s still present in their lives, and i think all the holts respect paul a lot more than words can say, and in their own warped ways, but he was. distant. before things went awry.

also totally unrelated to the romeros, but it’s crazy that tyler is born during the last round of american drafts for vietnam, aka 1973. just find it fascinating that bear would’ve either a.) had to have already served his time, b.) hasn’t been drafted just yet, or c.) came back after one term only to leave again for a second one. i can’t remember which one i personally went with, but it’s fun to think about regardless! that, and the fact there’s no mention of dante serving in the war … which i don’t think he did, personally, and given his extreme macho energy, that’s an absolutely fascinating aspect of his character. but i digress!

hm, some other quick thoughts on the romeros include smaller scale things! like how i usually view the rest of the romero family to be more like paul, more meek and silent, almost an entire herd of pushovers. we know the family shares paul’s point of view where it concerns dante’s title as sheriff -- and while this does paint an unsavory image of dante, i can see another picture that implies dante as the romero family’s black sheep. someone always looked at oddly and gossiped about, disapproval aimed at everything dante does because he’s dante, someone unlike the others. the rest of their blood probably doesn’t bother with him at all outside of paul, a family member dante orbits despite his jabs and vocal distaste towards paul’s peaceful nature. i mean, they share friends, a friend list which is only comprised of the holts and joyce, dante’s officers notwithstanding. two rock is a rather small world ( or, at least, it was supposed to seem that way ) but i still find it telling how tangled up in each other’s lives they are! they even liked the same girl, how crazy is that? and dante also makes a passing comment about how paul shouldn’t lock himself away ‘like grandma did’, and he says this remark with disdain … again! i can’t quite back this up with hard canon evidence, but the other romeros ( & hayes’, paul’s actual last name ) have that sort of meek vibe. this black sheep position dante fills also serves to give him and dale more ground as a narrative pair! which, if it wasn’t obvious from the tyler/vince and jay/zoe pairings in the story, this game loves it’s foils and parallels! another minor thought is that paul gives massive queer energy in ways indescribable but i’ll never forget how he can be like ‘maybe it’s mine and i wear it!’ about sharon’s bra if dante finds it in his trailer, and then can hold it up to his chest if i remember correctly?? the fact his extemely masculine cousin doesn’t even bat an eye at this only makes it more queer! he was like yes that tracks, you would wear a bra /derogatory ,,, i just rotate that scene in my mind a little bit, i will not lie.

my very quick final thought is that jim totally helped dante kill sheriff clayson, an action that would then finally put dante in power. which the black book confirms, because dante did in fact kill that guy! just not with jim, but oh well. jim was there and he helped and he hates dante for it now, trust. what they actually did with jim & dante was boring so this is still canon in my head!

ahh, i think this about sums my thoughts on them up? i probably have more lurking around in my mind and, like always, a lot of these points could suffice as posts on their own with more detail, but! it was fun to pour my general thoughts out there, so thanks so much for that opportunity! hopefully this was coherent and made sense lmfao <3 i’m tickled you love my character analysis for this niche ass game!!

[dral-koumine]

the Leviathan/Reader slow burn fluff shall not be denied [OM!] [snippet!]

fandom: Obey Me!

fanfic title: TBD

tags: gn!Reader & Leviathan (friendship, pre-romance), picnic, beach and ocean vibes, Reader and Levi calling each other nicknames, Devildom headcanons/worldbuilding, fluff fluff fluff.

This snippet refers to my earlier snippet from here: [link]

[rated G below] [WIP ZONE]

Once, not long after you two have actually become friends, he walks back out of the water onto the shore, and you’re there waiting for him on an officially licensed TSL blanket with his headphones and a picnic basket. (He’s a creature of habit, so he almost always enters and exits from the same little cove, which is usually deserted because it requires carefully hiking from the sandy beach over some big slick boulders that are submerged at high tide to get there. You got yourself some knee-high rain boots, checked the tide charts -- with 3 moons, Devildom tide patterns are fucking wild -- and made it work.) He’s so surprised to see you there that he almost falls right back into the water. “What!” he almost shouts. “H-H-Henry! What are you doing here?!” “Hi, Levia-chan,” you say cheerfully, putting down your tri-lunar physics textbook. “I noticed you skipped dinner to come down here, so I brought some food for you.”

“F-for me?” he stammers. “Yeah!” you say, and smile at him. “I figured we could have a little picnic, just you and me.” “Just -- just us two?” He blushes so hard you wouldn’t be surprised if the seawater started steaming off of him; his long, reptilian tail curls this way and that, carving arcs into the wet sand. “Is that okay?” you ask, sure that he’ll blurt out a reflexive protest before eventually circling around to yes that’s more than okay. “Yes!” he blurts, being direct about it for once, and you grin at him delightedly. He’s so cute. You pat the blanket next to you, and Leviathan comes over to sit half hesitantly, half eagerly; he sits and has to immediately get up again to wave the seawater off of him and his drenched clothes and hair before he soaks right through the Lord of Shadow’s face. Then he just stands there, frozen for a moment in painful awkwardness. “That’s a handy trick,” is all you say, lightly, as you start pulling boxes of food out of the picnic basket, and he unfreezes and sits down next to you with his knees pulled up to his chest and tail curled around his feet, and quietly starts eating the food you hand to him, all dishes you know he likes and which you made a point to save from Beel, no matter how much Beel made sad demon eyes at you. You’re pretty sure this is one of the main reasons why Levi likes you so much: you don’t mock him for being his very awkward self; you barely even tease him for it, except in those rare cases when you’re sure you can make it abundantly clear that you’re only doing it fondly. And why would you mock him for it? After all, you’re more than well acquainted with awkwardness yourself. You know how it feels. You lean back on your hands and stretch your legs out in front of you, sighing contently. The gentle roaring of the waves rushing up onto the sandy shore, the rough splashing of brine against the nearby boulders, the smell of the salty sea air, it all erodes away the cares of the day. Leviathan slowly relaxes, too, until he’s sitting with his legs crossed and holding his box of lion’s head meatballs over oleander and rice in his lap and sneaking glances at you in between taking slow bites of food. “What’s it like down there?” you ask. “In the ocean?” he says. “Yeah. You dive down really deep, don’t you?” “Yeah,” he replies, blushing again, as though that’s something to be awkward about; maybe it is, for him. “So what’s it like down there?” you ask. “It, uh…” He thinks about it for a moment; you imagine him trying to put words to something that he’s experienced for millennia, but probably has never had to describe, let alone to a human who knows little about the Devildom’s oceans. “It’s dark,” he finally says, “and quiet, and empty, except not really because there’s still plenty of fish and jellies and tiny krill and stuff in the deep, and there are giant venom-sponges living along the trench down there --” he waves a hand vaguely in the direction of the ocean “-- and they tend to make noises sometimes while they filter-feed and most of the deep-sea animals have bioluminescence anyway so I guess it’s not that dark either…” He trails off, seeming to realize how much he’s rambled and contradicted himself, but you’re sitting there grinning at him practically with stars in your eyes, because you love everything about the ocean, and Levi rambling on about sea creatures is just about the cutest thing ever. He sees you grinning and ducks his head bashfully. “I’m not good at explaining it,” he mumbles. “It’s like … it’s not technically totally dark and quiet and empty, but it feels like it is, you know? It feels like … when I’m down there, I don’t have to worry about anything at all.” He curls in on himself a little, drawing his knees up a bit, like he’s anticipating that you’ll mock him for some part of that, like he’s still not used to the fact that you make a point of being nice to him whenever he’s not being a jerk, because you actually like him.

“That sounds amazing,” you sigh, staying in that relaxed position of yours, like sending out relaxed vibes will help Levi to relax, too. “I wish I could go down there and experience it myself.” He looks up, uncurls a little. “I could show you?” he offers. You perk up. “Really? How?” He offers his hand, a rare moment of confidence, and you take it, smiling. But you have to say, “Uh, Levi. I’m a squishy, air-breathing human, remember? I can’t just swim down with you.” “Oh,” he says, and covers his embarrassed face with his free hand. “Oh hells, I’m such a stupid --” “Hey,” you say warningly, squeezing his hand, because you made it a rule last month that he’s not allowed to put himself down around you. You’d like to expand that rule to you’re not allowed to put yourself down, ever, but … one step at a time. “Uuurggghhh,” he groans, hiding his face in his knees, fully curled up again, alas. “I know, I know, the rule.” “Friends don’t let friends self-deprecate,” you singsong annoyingly, like you do every time you have to remind him, and it always makes him smile even if he hides it, because yeah, you’re his friend. His true friend. And he smiles into his knees, this time, face red with joy as much as with embarrassment, and squeezes your hand back without looking at you. “So, alternate solutions,” you say thoughtfully. “There are submarines in the Devildom, aren’t there?” His head pops up with sudden excitement. “There are!” he says excitedly, “Diavolo has one!” You grin at him. “So we’re stealing Diavolo’s submarine then,” you say, pretending to be serious about it, and he physically recoils, dramatically, but doesn’t let go of your hand. “No!” he protests, “no we’re not doing that, don’t even think about it, Lucifer would kill us!” “Aw, but it would be so much fun to take it out for a joyride!” you say gleefully. “Noooo it wouldn’t,” he insists, though he looks a little shifty-eyed about it. You cackle a little.

[eldritchqueerture]

Hello! This is a project for @summer-in-the-archives-event that I worked on with @horizonindigo! We came up with the idea together and based our individual works around the poem I wrote, included in the fic. You can find their absolutely amazing art here!!

I freaking loved working on this one and I got more and more excited as we progressed. I also surprised myself with the poem itself a bit, definitely didn’t expect it to end up quite as cool, if I may say so myself. It was incredibly fun to write.

Big shoutout to @sunflowers-and-frogs for beta reading, I love you bestie <3

I would like to thank all the mods that made this event possible! It’s my first time taking part in anything like this and it was really, really fun, so THANK YOU <3 Love you guys :3 Anyways, enough of my rambling kdfjgkjsdfg

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Archive Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply Category: M/M Fandom: The Magnus Archives (Podcast) Relationship: Martin Blackwood/Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist Characters: Martin Blackwood, Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist Additional Tags: Hurt/Comfort, Canon-Typical The Lonely Content (The Magnus Archives), Kissing, Excessive Tea-Making, Set in Episodes 159-160 | Scottish Safehouse Period (The Magnus Archives), Poetry, Love Confessions Warnings: self-esteem issues, typical Lonely content, discussions of free-will and determinism, graphic kiss

Summary: As Martin fights the remnants of the Lonely's influence on their ride to Daisy's safehouse in Scotland, he focuses on his feelings for Jon to keep him tethered to reality. He watches Jon be himself in the safety of the cottage, share these small intimacies of domesticity and the words come to him as a poem weaves itself into the pages of his notebook...

He feels the taste of salt in his mouth, as he looks out of the car window at the rapidly falling away landscape, covered in the darkness of the night. He feels Jon’s presence next to him, focused on driving but glancing every so often at him with concern. Martin feels like he should say something, somehow fill the silence that has befallen them, but no words ever find their way to his mouth. He stays quiet, watching the trees pass them by, trying to ignore the anxious churning in his stomach. He’s always been pretty good at filling awkward silences with chatter; at least before the Lonely. Now… he can’t help but feel bothered by Jon’s presence, even though he did all of this for him, even though this is what he’s wanted all this time; it’s like a splinter, prickling at his mind, almost causing him physical discomfort. He swallows and feels the salty taste on his tongue; he discards the thoughts and tries his best to breathe through the discomfort, instead focusing on the sensation of Jon’s warm hand on his.

Martin used to be the warm one; he’d always been generating heat and his mind goes back to the early days in the Archives when the basement was cold in the winter and both Tim and Sasha used to gravitate towards him with their respective cups of tea during breaks. Now his whole body is cold, the chill of the ocean breeze and fog having settled in his bones so deep he thinks he’ll never feel warm again. The thought isn’t sparking any emotions in him though. It’s just a thing that he’s learned to accept, just as the fact that he’ll always be alo—

“Do you want me to put on some music?” Jon asks with another one of his glances. Every time, he raises his eyebrows a bit, and tilts his head to the side; Martin expects the concern in his eyes, but he sees something else there as well. He’s been afraid to put a label to the expression for the fear he’s reading him wrong, but the bolder part of his mind tells him it’s fondness.

Jon’s hand is warm, and his thumb grazes the skin of his palm just a little, as if not sure he’s allowed to. Martin looks down at their hands and feels warmth spark in his stomach; he smiles.

“I’m sorry I’m—I’m not really good at the whole, uh… small talk thing,” Jon adds with a flush, turning his head back to the road. “I should probably be talking about something, though, to, uh… to keep you here. I suppose.” He visibly cringes at his words.

“It’s—It’s fine, Jon,” Martin chuckles, and Jon relaxes, fixing him with a quick smile of his own. “I’m just… you know.” He looks down at their hands again and has a brief feeling they belong to someone else. Not him. Never him. “I’m not quite… out of that. Yet.”

Another look of concern. Martin feels heat prickling at his cheeks and he’s a little bit glad, because at least it’s a feeling. He interlaces their fingers and looks out the front window.

They spend the ride in relative silence. Jon tries a couple more times to start small talk and fails; they stop at a gas station at one point and Martin takes out his notebook when Jon disappears inside the station to pay for gas. He flicks through it and his eyes stop at an unfinished draft; he started writing it shortly before Peter took him down to the Panopticon, but he’d only managed to get a few first lines down. Despite still feeling the cold in his bones and his mind being clouded by the remains of the fog, words come to him, and he starts scribbling. He continues to do so even when Jon comes back with tea and an assortment of snacks, blushing just a little bit when Jon shoots a curious look at the notebook. He doesn’t ask and Martin is thankful for it. He’s not the sort to show his drafts to anyone, especially to the subject he’s writing about.

It’s 1am when they arrive at the cottage; they’re both exhausted and they quickly take their bags inside and lock the door. The cottage is small and practical, just Daisy’s style; it’s also quite dusty from months of abandonment. Martin yawns as he opens one of the bags to get the essentials. They should leave unpacking and cleaning for the next day.

He hears Jon’s footsteps on the wooden floor coming back from the initial run of the house and he turns to tell him that, but the somewhat sheepish look on his face stops him in his tracks. Has he ever seen Jon look sheepish before?

“So, uh, obviously this was Daisy’s safehouse when she was, well… Avoiding people,” he says, not meeting Martin’s eyes.

“I hope ‘avoiding people’ doesn’t mean killing them in this context,” Martin snorts, not sure if he’s entirely joking. The humour is lost on Jon, however, as he looks at him confused for a moment before he processes Martin’s words.

“Oh, no, no, I-I don’t believe she, uh… She just slept here.” Jon shifts awkwardly. “And that means there’s uh, there’s only one bed.”

Martin’s eyes widen and his lips form a little “Oh”.

“Of course, if you’re not comfortable with sharing, I can just take the couch, you need some proper rest and I’m used to running on low sleep” —Jon averts his gaze as he speaks. He grabs his bag and walks over to the couch, and Martin wants to stop him talking and just say that they should share the bed, but his voice seems to have left him at this crucial moment. He just stares as Jon places the bag on the couch and looks back at him, aware of the silence. “Martin?”

Martin swallows, a familiar cold freezing his toes. He feels the damp sand underneath his bare feet and a chill runs down his spine. He blinks and tightens his grip on the bag he’s been holding. This is real, he is real, Jon is real.

“You need good rest too,” he finally manages to say, and he’s surprised by how clear and normal his voice sounds; it makes Jon relax a bit. “We should share the bed, if-if you are comfortable with that.”

A small smile appears on Jon’s lips and a warm feeling fills Martin’s stomach again; he knows the smile is for him.

“Okay,” he says softly and picks the bag up.

They manage to keep the awkwardness of it to the minimum; they’re both very tired and at one point it just doesn’t matter anymore. Jon hands Martin a separate blanket and he pushes the disappointment down into a void inside him where he keeps feelings to come back to when he’s alone. It would be foolish of him to hope for cuddling since they haven’t talked about anything yet.

He expects to fall asleep as soon as his head touches the pillow, but he finds himself awake in the darkness after goodnights are said (Jon’s voice sounds so soft and tender Martin has forgotten all about his earlier disappointment). He’s laying on his back, eyes closed, and he feels Jon’s presence on his right. His breathing is steady, not yet slow enough to indicate sleep, but calm and relaxed. Martin peeks out through half-lidded eyes – he hasn’t gotten used to the darkness as much yet, but he can see Jon laying on his side, facing him, his eyes closed and his hair loosely framing his face. One of his hands rests close to his head on the pillow. Martin blinks, fully opening his eyes now and smiling softly. As his vision clears, Martin notices Jon frowning ever so slightly, and he wonders if the faint lines between his eyebrows smoothen when he’s asleep.

“Is watching people sleep a usual activity for you?” Jon whispers with amusement as he opens his eyes and Martin gasps with surprise and looks away, feeling heat prickle at his cheeks.

“Wha—uh, no! No, of course no—Sorry, I—” He rambles, and he thinks he might just die from embarrassment when he hears Jon laugh quietly.

“It’s fine, Martin.” He shakes his head with a sigh. “Really. I-- Sorry, I thought a joke would, um… lighten the mood somewhat.”

Martin risks a look at him and wonders if the red on his cheeks is visible through the darkness. Jon looks at him with that expression again, something Martin would very much want to classify as fondness if it didn’t feel so impossible. But now that he thinks about it… Would it really be thatfar-fetched? Jon had gone into the Lonely just to get him out. Would he have done that for anyone else? Martin rolls his eyes at himself in his mind, of course he would. He did go into the Buried, and it was for Daisy, a person who has threatened him multiple times, kidnapped and almost killed him. If Jon was ready to lay down his life for her, out of all of them, it shouldn’t be surprising he would do the same for his assistant; it says nothing about his feelings on the matter.

Martin’s memories of the Lonely are hazy. He remembers the cold, the dampness, and the loneliness. He remembers his thoughts, the lonely ones, and how they felt both alien and familiar at the same time. He remembers the comfort, the feeling of fitting in, but also the pain and the fear, just before they were numbed by the cold and the fog that made him forget. And then suddenly, Jon was in front of him, looking at him with desperation on his face, tears in his eyes glowing with a green light. Was it Jon calling for him, or just the Beholding?

“What are you thinking about?” comes Jon’s voice and Martin realizes he’s been staring into the air for a while. He blinks and looks back at Jon.

“Uh…” He searches for words before he gives up on trying to come up with an excuse. His voice is quiet when he speaks. “Why did you do it?”

Jon blinks at him a couple times and rises to lean on his elbow, to better look at Martin.

“What do you mean?”

“The Lonely,” Martin says, not meeting his eyes. Jon is wearing a blue t-shirt with a logo of a band Martin doesn’t recognize; the shirt is loose and it uncovers one of Jon's shoulders which would probably be distracting if Martin’s mind wasn't chilled by the remnants of the fog. “Why did you come for me?”

Even without looking at him, Martin sees Jon’s forehead ripple. A while passes as Jon searches his face and the thought that he shouldn’t have asked starts creeping up to Martin’s head. Shouldn’t have brought any attention to the subject, he should just be glad, he should—

“I care about you, Martin,” Jon says in a very gentle and quiet voice, like he’s afraid anything louder would take away the meaning of his words. Martin looks up at Jon and the hint of that intense blush from before makes it back to his face. “You’re… You matter to me. You will always matter to me.”

Martin can’t stop a small smile appearing on his face and Jon mirrors it.

“Thank you,” Martin whispers, feeling a warmth settle in his chest, finally driving the cold away.

“Anytime.” Jon lays his head back down and settles back with the right hand near his face. “Sleep well, Martin.”

Martin closes his eyes contentedly and he curls up on his right side, facing Jon, as if trying to keep this warm feeling from escaping his chest too soon.

“You too, Jon.”

---

Martin wakes up alone in an unfamiliar bed, the smell of foreign covers filling his nostrils and for a second he panics. He opens his eyes and the memories come back to him; their late arrival at the safehouse and laying down to sleep next to Jon.

He sits up, looking at the space Jon had occupied. It’s vacant now, just the curled up covers he left behind, but it manages to bring a blush to Martin’s cheeks, nonetheless. It feels so… intimate to know that they slept next to each other. It makes him feel warm and cosy.

Martin gets up and goes to the bathroom before he finds Jon in the kitchen. He’s humming quietly as he finishes cleaning the table and he looks up when Martin enters.

“Good morning, Martin.” He smiles and Martin’s afraid he’s going to melt. He takes a quick look around and notices that their sparse kitchen supplies are mostly unpacked, and the kettle is already on the stove.

“How long have you been awake?” He asks; some of the shock must have made it to his voice because Jon looks amused.

“Two hours or so. I’ve always been a morning person.” He shrugs and finishes cleaning the table. “Tea?”

A smile lights up Martin’s face and he gets swept up by the familiarity of the activity, while Jon busies himself with fixing up some breakfast. As both of them work in the kitchen, Martin notices the casual brushes of their skin and touches of the shoulders. He doesn’t know if he’s doing it consciously or if it just happens naturally, but he knows that Jon’s open demeanour is drawing him closer than before. He wonders if he’s been like this ever since he woke up from the coma, and there was just no one to appreciate it.

The morning is relaxed, the casual conversation flowing a lot smoother than the day before, and after breakfast they set out to clean the whole cottage and go down to the village to buy some actual supplies. The village is small, but the local shop provides all the essentials they need; for a moment Martin forgets about everything outside of that village and shopping for groceries with Jon, as if this is their life now, in the Scottish Highlands, living together in a cottage. They talk about cooking dinner, and the cows they passed on the way, and Martin thinks he could get used to that.

The bubble bursts when they finish up and Jon decides to call Basira. She picks up after a while and updates them on the absence of both Jonah Magnus and Daisy. Basira says she’ll send some statements up to them when the Institute stops being an active crime scene, and a shadow passes over Jon’s face. Wrapped up in a conversation about their taste in dinner dishes, it was almost too easy for Martin to forget food isn’t the only sustenance Jon needs. He finds it easier to forget things ever since the Lonely. They walk back to their cottage in silence, Martin grabbing Jon’s hand as soon as he lets go of the phone.

When they get back, Jon declares he’s going to take care of unpacking and cooking, and even though Martin knows Jon to be stupidly stubborn, he’s surprised by the strictness with which Jon insists he sit back and relax. Martin doesn’t really complain; he’s spent his entire life caring for others and, to be honest, it does feel rather good to be on the receiving end for once. He watches Jon from the couch for a while, before he takes out his notebook and looks over the poem he wrote in the car.

Wisps of mist conceal my eyes

A lone indulgence to lose one's face

And soothing a part inside that cries

With chilling sadness and numbing grace

The steadfast rhythm of waves ashore

As ocean breeze leaves a taste of salt

The words forgotten, erase what I swore

Until I hear your voice once more

I wondered many times what it might be

That we finally took to calling "us"

What would be left if we broke free

Of dread and horror's eternal grasp

The Eye looms aloft, ever-present dread

Watching all, eternal lids apart

You made your choice unaware you were led

By strings of web, against your heart

Jon starts humming under his nose in the kitchen as he cuts something on the board; the water in the kettle boils slowly and fills the air with a quiet whistle. Martin smiles while shooting a subtle glance at Jon; he seems to notice his gaze and falls quiet, but a smile lights up his face when he sees the fondness on Martin’s face. For all this talk about Jon “losing himself” in the role of the Archivist, this seems as human as you can get. Martin never favoured the approach the other archival staff took to the knowledge of the significance of Jon’s position, and he often wondered how they could look at him and see a monster. Of course he made bad decisions, but so did everyone. They’ve seen or read about so many avatars giving into the powers that fed them and yes, maybe Martin is biased, but Jon was nothing like them. They’ve all been caught in this huge web of statements that turned real; the more they struggled to break free the more tangled up they became, and it wasn’t Jon’s fault that he ended up in the centre of it. He knows Jon tried to make right choices every step of the way. Can you really blame a human being for failing to completely resist something that’s beyond mortality and human reality? One way or another they ended up here, together, and yes, maybe the Eye and the Lonely are still looming as very tangible threats, and Jonah Magnus is nowhere near being stopped, but at least they’re together now. Martin remembers thinking the Unknowing was the endgame, the last chapter of this horror for them, and he remembers the hopelessness of their story getting a bad ending that essentially pushed him into the Lonely; now he feels a different kind of an end approaching – he dares to be hopeful. Maybe everything works out in the end? Maybe, if they were safe and happy, it wouldn’t actually be the end of the world.

Martin looks down at his notebook and starts writing, sticking the tip of his tongue out in concentration.

What is a monster? Where is the line

That would separate us from the world

All I know is our paths align

And we together can battle the cold

You cut through the curtains of mist and See

The green glow fades when our eyes meet

My lips form a soft and quiet plea

To be loved has never felt so sweet

To be loved is a new feeling for me

I only know how to love from one side

But with you I hope we can once be free

Maybe ignore the whims of the tide

Although I know we're not nearly through

I taste and savour your voice, your breath

If only for a moment, we can start anew

And I will follow you even to death

As he stares at the last word of the finished poem, his hand with the pen hovering over it, he registers that his eyes have watered a bit. He blinks the tears away quickly as Jon sits down on the couch next to him, looking at him with a gentle worry. Martin looks up at the two mugs of tea he’d placed on the table.

“Did you make tea?” He asks with mock bewilderment, and Jon scoffs at him.

“I know how to make tea, Martin.” He nudges him with amusement, that gentle worry not quite gone from his eyes. “What are you writing about?”

Martin falls quiet, pressing the notebook to his chest in a knee-jerk reaction.

“Thought you didn’t like poetry,” he huffs out a laugh that’s only a little bit self-conscious. Jon shrugs, reaching out for his mug and taking a sip.

“I don’t understand it. And yes, I have been known to dislike it at times, but… Maybe I could be swayed to give it another shot.” Jon rolls his eyes fondly and looks at Martin out of the corner of his eye, a look that says ‘for you’. Martin grins, heat pricking at his cheeks once again.

“You see, i-it’s all about emotion.” He places the notebook gently on his lap face down and reaches for his own mug. “You w-want to put all of your emotions into words in a-an artistic way, that has a rhythm and, uh, and feels alive. And you want your, uh, your readers to feel that, that emotion through your words.”

Jon listens attentively and his eyes aren’t leaving Martin’s face; at one point Martin gets distracted by it and forgets where his explanation was going. Jon’s gaze has always been intense, in different ways throughout the time they’ve known each other. At first it was judgemental, the gaze of his boss, full of unmet expectations; then it was piercing, watchful and suspicious; as time passed, it seemed to gain more and more weight of the Beholding, something Tim always complained about. After Martin had joined Peter Lukas, the rare glances he got from Jon were full of yearning that Martin didn’t understand at the time; didn’t want to understand. Now, it’s that gentle fondness, interweaved with something intangibly sad and Martin feels an urge to hug him, to bring him close to his chest and never let go; to bury his face in Jon’s hair and protect him.

They move to place their mugs at the table at the same time and snort, amusement quickly turning into a fit of laughter. Jon throws his head back a little with it and Martin wonders if he has ever seen him laugh so openly before. He didn’t think it was possible for him to fall in love with the man even more, but once again, his heart proves him wrong. He stares at him with a lovestruck expression and thinks they should really talk about it. Martin doesn’t know where to start though and Jon seems to be thinking in a similar direction because his expression shifts into gentle seriousness.

“Martin, I…” He starts and bites his lip. “I need to apologize.”

Martin straightens a little; it’s not exactly what he expects.

“I—The way I used to treat you…” Pain and guilt flash through Jon’s face as he looks away for a moment to gather his thoughts. “It was not okay. None of it was okay. And I’m—I’m really sorry for that. It doesn’t—I know it doesn’t change anything that happened, but I” —he sighs. “I really am sorry. I hope I can, somehow, uh… somehow make it up to you.”

Martin reaches for Jon’s hand, and he looks down in surprise; Martin sees his eyes start glistening.

“I’m sorry for everything that happened to you.” He continues in a whisper and his eyes are locked on their touching hands. “I’m so sorry about the Lonely. I’m sorry that you’re trapped in all of this with me, and I would understand if you decided to leave—”

“Jon.” Martin squeezes his hand and Jon’s eyes shoot up to look at him.

“I’m sorry, that’s not an apology,” he sighs again. “I just… I’m sorry, Martin. About everything.” His other hand grips Martin’s. “I’m glad you are still here. I’m—I’m so glad, you d-don’t even know,” he laughs.

“I think I do.” Martin smiles gently. “Thank you for saying that. I’ve—I've forgiven you for a lot of it a long time ago. A-And the rest just isn’t your fault.”

Jon frowns.

“The Lonely was always there,” Martin shrugs. “Peter Lukas was just… a catalyst, I think. But now I have you.” His finger grazes the outside of Jon’s palm and his heart flutters in his chest when he sees that small smile appear on Jon’s face. “And you can’t be blamed for Elia—Jonah’s games. We’re all just… a bunch of people who didn’t know what was going on until it was too late.”

Jon’s eyes fall as he nods slightly.

“He’s still up to something,” he says quietly.

“Figures,” Martin laughs bitterly. “But we’re here now. And frankly, I don’t really want to think about him when we’re finally…” The word ‘together’ gets stuck in his throat, as if it would breach this fine line of ambiguity they’ve drawn between themselves. Jon seems to fill it in and his eyes land back on Martin.

He’s never wanted to kiss him more than he does right now. Jon's eyes are wide and glistening with something that looks suspiciously like hope, and his fingers gently graze the outside of Martin's palm. Warmth spreads in his chest and his eyes flutter a little, not breaking the eye contact. He wants to pull Jon close to his chest, to run his fingers through his hair and feel his breath on his own skin. To really feel like he's there, next to him, with him.

Before he can follow through with any of that, something sizzles in the kitchen, loud in the silence, startling them both.

“Food!” Jon chuckles slightly before he jumps to his feet and rushes to the kitchen, while Martin snorts and follows him. Jon stirs the pan with curry and sighs with relief when he sees it's not burned. He turns down the heat anyway and checks on the rice.

“Jon, this smells amazing,” Martin says, peeking into the pan with cheese and spinach. “I didn't know you could cook.”

“Well, contrary to the popular belief I was a functional human being. For a while,” Jon snorts and leans against the counter to look back at Martin. “It's Palak Paneer, my grandma taught me when I was a child.”

“It looks fantastic,” Martin grins, and Jon rolls his eyes in mock exasperation.

Even though the moment's lost, the remains of the feeling can be felt between them as they prepare the plates and take the food to the table. They easily fall back into usual chatter and, as soon as they’re finished, Martin jumps to wash the dishes. Jon relents after extensive affirmations from Martin that he's alright and he can definitely take care of a couple dishes in the sink, and he drops onto the couch with a content sigh instead.

Martin finishes up with the dishes and dries his hands on a towel.

“Do you want some tea?” He asks and hangs the towel back on the rack. When there's no response, he turns to the couch. “Jon?”

Something sinks in his stomach when he sees that the object that consumes Jon’s attention is the poem he’s finished; he scratches his neck, as his cheeks take on a pink tinge. “Oh…”

He walks up to the couch, unsure, trying to gauge Jon's reaction. His face seems tense, he squeezes the notebook in his hand so hard his knuckles go white, and his eyes are focused at one point on the page.

“Um... Jon?” Martin asks weakly, his heart drumming in his chest so loud he's sure both of them can hear it.

Jon jumps to his feet, startled, and looks up at him with eyes wide, like a deer in the headlights. Martin instinctively raises his hands in a placating gesture, as Jon registers his presence, looks down on the notebook in his hands, and quickly puts it on the table as if it stung him.

“Martin, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to look, it was just there and—”

“Hey, Jon, it’s alright!” It’s maybe a little not alright, since the poem is nothing short of a love confession and a wish Martin had no right to assume would ever be true, so Jon reading it is less than ideal. Martin rushes to gently place a hand on Jon’s shoulder but when he recoils from the touch, Martin withdraws his hand, cursing everything about himself.

“No, I, uh…” Jon runs his hand through his hair, eyes darting between Martin, his hand, and the notebook frantically. “I shouldn’t have— uh, it’s—it’s your private business, what you write about, so—”

Martin is sure he’s tomato red on the face by this point and hopes against hope that the afternoon light filtering through the curtains obscures it just a little. Jon, on the other hand, doesn’t have the embarrassed blush that usually darkens his cheeks; instead he breathes fast, his hands shaking ever so slightly. Martin sees him hunch just a little, making himself smaller.

“Um, yeah, I, uh—” He starts fidgeting with his fingers. Did the idea of—of love frighten Jon so much? He was stupid to leave it out in the open and now Jon knows, and it’s not how he feels, so he hates him… “I’m sorry.”

Jon’s eyes snap to him, his eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

“For what?”

Martin huffs out something like a pained laugh.

“Th-That’s not exactly how- how I wanted to tell you.” He wrings out his hands and shoots Jon a pleading look. What’s done is done and the only thing he can hope for is for Jon to let him down easy and never speak of this again.

“Tell me?” Jon looks down at the notebook again and there’s the worry again, stark on his face. He breathes out, slowly, and looks at the floor. “I don’t—I don’t even want to think this is a possibility…”

Martin doesn’t need to imagine what it would be like to be stabbed, if he wanted to - he’s pretty sure the acute pain of his heart shattering in his chest is close enough. His mind tries to catch up to the emotions, slow them down just a bit, because something seems off, and isn’t this a weird way to reject someone you must have known had a crush on you? But his throat tightens with the swell of pain and shame and Martin blinks away the tears welling up in his eyes.

Jon sighs and plops down on the couch, hiding his face in his hands and pushing his glasses up to his forehead.

“We d-don’t have to talk about it, if—if you don’t want to,” Martin says quietly. He sits down next to Jon, careful not to touch him in any way, and puts his hands between his knees.

Jon lets out a bitter laugh.

“Isn’t that what they—the Web would want? Just… mindlessly follow, go with the flow until something… irreversibly bad happens?”

Martin turns to Jon with a frown.

“Wh—What?”

Jon looks at him with something glistening in his eyes and Martin can see the lines of pain and misery written on his face like they belong there.

“The web,” he says faintly. “Strings of fate. I—” He lets out a breath. “Was I just being manipulated this whole time? Was I ever really—Did I ever have a choice?”

“Jon... what are you talking about?”

“You—You said I was...” He reaches for the notebook and points at a verse with his finger. “’Made your choice unaware you were led by strings of web against your heart.’ How—W-Why did you say this?”

Martin stares into Jon's green eyes with concern, yet parts of his heart start to weave themselves back together. However confused and worried Jon seems to be, none of it is directed at Martin; he looks at him with desperation, almost pleading, and he realizes they’ve been having two different conversations at the same time.

“Oh-Oh, God, Jon, I-I didn't mean—I just, it's a-a metaphor, just that, you know,” he takes a breath. “It does remind me of a web, the-the way we got caught up in Elias' plans.” He looks down, his cheeks burning as he remembers why Jon would get caught at this specific phrase. “I'm sorry for, uh, using that, it was just the first thing that came to my mind and—”

Jon exhales next to him and Martin risks a look up. The uneasiness isn't gone from his face but he relaxes just a little bit, enough to stabilize his breathing.

“I'm sorry for this… this whole thing, Martin.” He gestures at nothing in particular and it's his turn to look at the floor, as if it's all of a sudden the most interesting thing he's ever seen. He starts fidgeting with the notebook. “I'm just—What if it’s true?” His voice goes higher at the question and he closes his eyes. Martin squeezes his arm. “What if I am just... Just a puppet? An inhuman, helpless puppet in the hands of—Of some spider pulling the strings?”

A tear rolls down Jon's cheek and Martin grabs one of his hands. It’s small and still shakes a little; he tries to put all the protectiveness he feels into this small gesture. Jon doesn’t recoil this time, instead taking a moment to watch Martin’s hand clasp around his.

“Jon,” Martin starts softly. “You're still you. You're not some—Some spider puppet that can't make choices.”

“But what if—”

“You've made a choice to go into the Lonely for me.” Martin bumps their knees together lightly and Jon looks up at him. “I don't suspect any webs would need me alive to push you into it. It was You.”

Jon looks him in the eyes and Martin barely stops himself from reaching up to his face to wipe away his tears.

“Or it just makes us think that we have a choice but are ultimately helpless against fate and everything we do is determined by intricately crafted circumstances,” Jon whispers. “Maybe free will is a lie.”

Martin blinks.

“Jon...”

“Maybe I was never able to stop it. Any of it.” Jon’s voice grows more horrified and even though his eyes are directed at Martin's face, he seems to be looking somewhere past him. “Maybe nothing we try to do really matters.”

“Jon.” Martin’s voice gains a bit of force, even though he feels all but sure. “What do you see?”

Jon frowns. “What?”

“Look at me and tell me what you see?” The force is gone; the sentence sounds more like a feeble suggestion than a request, but Jon's eyes refocus on Martin's in a frown of confusion.

“What do you mean?”

“We're here now,” Martin says quietly. “And yeah, maybe our decisions are all predetermined or whatever. I still think it matters that we try. I think our experience matters. And you're not a-a monster without free will, Jon. You care about people, and you’ve sacrificed a lot for other people. You've made your own choices and, no matter if they were good or bad, they were still yours. And I think that matters.”

Jon blinks at him for a moment, then his shoulders slump with a sigh and he interlaces their fingers. Martin doesn’t miss it and he feels warmth in his chest.

“I've always been afraid of—of my will not being my own anymore,” he confesses quietly. “Of, uh... of not knowing the difference.”

“I get it,” Martin nods. “If it’s any consolation, I see a lot of Jon in you still.” Jon looks up at him with surprise and Martin gives him a half smile. “I see a very changed Jon but it's still Jon.” He strokes Jon's palm as his heart picks up the pace. “The same Jon I've first fallen in love with.”

Jon exhales softly, his face caught in a soft surprise, and Martin smiles around the dull ache in his chest.

“You don't have to say anything. I'm sure you've known for a while, but I just... I wanted to say it.”

With every second that passes in silence, however, Martin's cheeks grow hotter, and he concludes that this might have been a mistake.

“I-I'm sorry. M-Maybe I shouldn't have said that, I… I don't want things to get weird or anything, so, uh, we can, we can just forget—”

“Martin.” Jon says his name in a soft and kind of inquisitive way that makes his heart bounce around and transforms the ache in his chest into swirling butterflies again. Martin looks up and Jon’s head is tilted to the side, his face still wet with tears, but he notices something hopeful glitter in his eyes. “I love you too.”

Martin frowns, suddenly wondering if he isn't dreaming. Is Jon really saying what he thinks he is? Did he hear correctly? Maybe he misheard—

“I have for a while,” Jon's voice is still quiet and soft. “I didn't want to say anything because I thought it was too early after the Lonely and you might not feel this way anymore, but...”

Martin swallows, acutely aware of how loud his heartbeat is. He squeezes Jon’s hand and smiles slightly.

“I... I didn't know,” he whispers, not trusting his voice to cooperate.

“As soon as I woke up from the coma, I wanted to tell you,” Jon says. “I thought I was too late; that it took me too long to stop denying the feelings I had because I didn’t know how to deal with them, and I'd missed my chance.” He laughs bitterly.

“So that’s what it was about,” Martin whispers, as Jon's actions towards him throughout his time as Peter Lukas’ assistant start falling into place. Jon looks at him with a frown, so he adds, “The ‘let's gouge out our eyes and escape'.”

Jon scrunches up his nose and clears his throat.

“Yes, well. Yeah.”

Martin chuckles quietly.

“I don't think I would have lasted in the Lonely if I understood then. But then again. It didn't really matter in the end. It didn't help.”

“But it was your choice,” Jon echoes Martin's words from before and their eyes meet again.

“Yeah. It was my choice.”

They stare into each other's eyes for a moment, losing track of time, before Jon smiles slightly and looks back at the notebook.

“I really am sorry for not asking your permission, though,” he says. “I got so caught up in the metaphor I didn’t even finish it.”

Martin blinks, the warmth from his chest spreading to his cheeks again.

“D-Do you want to?”

Jon smiles softly, this new smile that Martin has only seen in the past couple of days, always directed at him.

“If you’d let me.”

Martin needs to look away, unable to handle the affection in Jon’s eyes. He mumbles an ‘okay’ with a smile that’s not entirely under his control and gets up.

“But I am making that tea whether you want it or not, waiting for someone to finish reading something is a torture.”

He hears Jon laugh as he heads back to the kitchen.

When he comes back with two steaming mugs, Jon is waiting for him with a smile and his nervousness dissipates with his next words.

“I like it,” Jon says. “Apart from the, uh, web metaphor, obviously. It's hopeful.”

“Y-You do?”

Martin swallows; the pleasant tingling in his stomach is back. He places their mugs on the table and reaches out to join their hands again. Jon intertwines their fingers immediately and caresses the outside of Martin’s palm with his thumb.

Jon looks down at the verses again and smiles softly, almost sheepishly, a familiar blush darkening his cheeks.

“I—I don't know if there would be anything for us outside of. You know. The fears and all that,” he grimaces. “At least, for me. But, uh…” He looks at Martin again with a hopeful expression that makes Martin melt a little, and he gently caresses Martin's cheek with his free hand. “I really like the thought of it.”

Martin's brain might be short-circuiting at this moment and all of his thoughts take form of fuzzy static.

“Me too,” he says, suddenly breathless. Jon's hand rests cupping his cheek and, are they a bit closer than they were a second ago? Jon's gaze slides down Martin's face to his lips and he feels he might faint right there and then. He doesn't, instead gathering up his courage to take a breath.

“Can I kiss you?” Jon asks first and Martin feels his lips form a grin.

“Please,” he breathes out; the next second their lips meet, soft but urgent, desperate and sick of waiting. Martin's hand dives into Jon's soft hair, fingers scraping the delicate skin of his head and earning him a low sound from Jon's throat. They pull each other closer and find a rhythm to lose themselves in for just a moment; the sensation of Jon's tongue swirling in his mouth, of his slender fingers on his cheek and his neck, the pressure of his body against his chest; all of it making Martin dizzy with happiness.

Martin pulls away when his lungs painfully remind him breathing is still a necessity and he opens his eyes to look at Jon – His soft lips, his nose, his pockmark scars, and his eyes, green yet with no trace of Beholding in them. He takes him in whole, with all of his flaws and all of his virtues, and he feels seen in return, seen by the man he loves and who loves him. The weight of it all hits Martin like a crashing wave and he pulls Jon in for a tight embrace.

“I love you,” he whispers against his shoulder, and he feels Jon's arms tightening around his torso.

“I love you too, Martin.”

[spencers-renaissance]

I found my way home

Summary: After Spencer tells Hotch about his recent autism diagnosis, he expects that to be the end of it. Somehow, though, it keeps coming up, and Hotch keeps proving himself to be the best father figure he could have asked for. 

Tags: autistic spencer, protective hotch, hurt/comfort, fluff, paternal hotch, team as family

TW: mentions of ableism, one small instance of ableism & homophobia 

Pairing: Gen 

Word Count: 4.1k

Masterlist // Read on AO3

This was borne from my conversations with @criminalmindsvibez about the lack of autistic spencer fics and her amazing headcanons. While I'm not autistic, Emily is, and helped me to portray Spencer's autism as accurately as possible. That said, please feel free to correct me on anything I got wrong :)

Spencer had made an effort to get into work even earlier than usual today. He’d ridden the metro through the city, dipping his hand into his messenger bag every few minutes to compulsively check that the slim letter he’d received in the post the other day is still in the front pocket where he’d safely placed it that morning. He brushes his fingers over the paper once more as he enters the near-empty bullpen, the letter cool from the winter air.

It’s still so surreal to him that this is where he works. After years of dreaming of working for the FBI he’s finally here, and even though it’s been his place of work for almost two months now, he’s still not used to it. The warm offices are a nice reprieve from the wintry December wind, and he can feel himself relaxing as he heads to his desk. Leaving his coat and messenger bag on his chair, he pulls the letter out of the front pocket and runs his index finger along the edge. He finds himself biting his bottom lip as he tries to work up the courage to go and see Hotch. 

Sucking in a deep breath, he marches determinedly up to Hotch’s office, entering as soon as his knocks are answered. 

“Reid,” Hotch says pleasantly as he takes a seat opposite his desk, realising belatedly that he probably should have waited until he was invited. “You’re in early. What can I do for you?”

Nervously, Spencer hands him the letter he’d couriered across the city so carefully. He’d taken care to open it neatly with his letter opener but the return address on the back has been stamped at a crooked angle, and it bothers him every time he notices it. He can’t stop looking at it now as he taps his fingers anxiously against his leg in the pattern of the Fibonacci sequence, a safe and familiar reassurance played out by his nervous fingers. He watches apprehensively as Hotch pulls the letter out of the envelope, unfolding it and skimming his eyes down the page, taking in the news Spencer’s been so anxious to share with him.

Diagnosis: Asperger’s Syndrome

God, it had been a long process. He’d had to seek out a doctor in DC who diagnosed adults, paid for all the consultations and diagnostics himself — his insurance certainly wouldn’t cover it, not that he’d feel comfortable using his cushy FBI insurance for something so personal anyway — and the whole process had taken far longer than he’d expected. Finally, though, the envelope had arrived in the mail, and he officially had a diagnosis. 

Of course, he’d had his suspicions for years, especially after one of his professors during his second PhD had casually asked whether he’d ever been tested, planting a seed in his brain that led to many late nights in the library, reading all the literature available to him. It’s why he’d found it strange that it had felt so validating to finally receive that letter in the post. But it had.

The label made sense, and now that he had a diagnosis from a medical professional he felt comfortable to share it with others; he’d been far too paranoid about being questioned, not being believed or lectured about the evils of self-diagnosis no matter how he was confident in himself. He didn’t tend to be an insecure or self-conscious person, but after years of bullying and trauma surrounding what he now knew for sure to be his autistic traits, he couldn’t help but feel almost protective of his affirming label. 

Now though, it’s an irrefutable statement. Dr Spencer Reid has autism, and the first person he wants to tell is Hotch.

“I had no idea you were getting tested, Reid,” Hotch says, a hint of surprise bleeding into his voice. “Is there any specific reason you wanted to share this with me?”

“Well… I felt like someone on the team should know,” Spencer starts carefully, afraid to give too much of himself away, “and I thought that someone in a leadership position was the best option. Gideon has never been very… supportive of my autistic traits or behaviour, so I thought that you— that you would be the best option.” He feels awkward, fidgeting in his chair as he watches Hotch’s serious face and kind eyes absorb the information. 

“That trust in me means a lot, Reid,” he says, a rare smile making its way onto his face. In that moment, Spencer knows he made the right decision. “How can I make things easier for you? Is there anything you need me to be doing differently?”

“Uh—” He hadn’t really been anticipating that question and it catches him off guard: he’d predicted a quick nod of acknowledgement, a request to photocopy the letter so it can be put on file followed by a swift dismissal, but the letter is now sitting on his side of the desk: clearly, Hotch intends on keeping this between them. This is far from what he expected.

“Why don’t you start by telling me about autism and how it might affect your work?” Hotch corrects himself, recognising quickly Spencer’s need for specifics. “I’ll admit I don’t know much beyond some probably rather unhelpful stereotypes.”

Spencer nods. He can answer that question. “As everyone knows I often go off on tangents,” he begins, “and that’s because my special interests — or hyperfixations — often coincide with our work, so I know a lot about the topics we’re investigating. If I do that, just redirect me to the case and I’ll be fine. It’s also really hard for me to have to present myself in a certain way all the time. Vocal stims and gestures are the most satisfying to me but I often have to mask them, which I’ve never been very good at anyway, and it’s fairly exhausting. That’s why I often excuse myself; I go to the bathroom or a secluded hallway and stim on my own. My doctor also told me I tend to overcompensate in social situations and over-perform emotion. Those are the basics, I guess, but it’s a very complex disorder and since it makes up me as a human being, I can’t exactly explain all of it in one conversation.”

“No, that’s fine, Reid, you’ve given me a good picture of what to expect, thank you.” Hotch smiles at him, fondness in the crinkles around his eyes and the softness invading his usually stern expression. “First of all, you never have to feel like you need to excuse yourself to stim. Do you think it would be helpful if we told the rest of the team so they know what to expect? I’m assuming vocal stims are saying certain words or making sounds…?”

Spencer nods. 

“Okay, so if you needed to do that we could just continue the conversation while you get it out of your system. Gestures certainly wouldn’t be a problem. How do you feel about that?”

He hadn’t really considered telling the rest of the team but it seemed sort of intimidating, like he’d be opening a vulnerable side of himself to people he didn’t even know that well. On the other hand, they’d all been so understanding of his quirks and odd behaviour so far without even knowing the reason behind it. He’d never once been made to feel the way he used to at school, forced to either pretend to be someone else completely or be isolated and ostracised. 

He settles for, “I’ll think about it.” 

“That’s fine. There’s no pressure,” Hotch assures him. “I’m very happy you told me, Reid. I hope you know you can come and talk to me about anything, whether it’s about this or something completely different.”

Spencer leaves his office with the letter back in his hands, no notes or copies having been made, feeling almost elated. Never in a million years would he have expected that to go so well. 

⭐️

He doesn’t really expect it to come up again. He’d told Hotch so that he could understand him a bit better, and also because Hotch had quickly assumed a protective, almost paternal role in his life and he wanted to share the piece of news with him whether he was leading his department or not. That was supposed to be it, though, he didn't think anything would materially change, especially since he decided not to tell the team about the diagnosis just yet.

But almost immediately after he’d told Hotch his diagnosis, his rambles began to be gently redirected back to the case, sometimes without him even noticing. He wasn’t rudely cut off by anyone anymore, Hotch always steering him back on course before anyone else can jump in and hurt Spencer’s feelings. It’s so… kind that it almost feels foreign, and he finds himself gravitating towards the older man more and more, sitting next to him on every jet journey and staying glued to his side during cases. 

His newfound protectiveness over Spencer is only demonstrated more clearly a few months after their conversation in Hotch’s office when they’re on their way to New Mexico for a case. The second he spots that the murder victims had all been found with different Fitzgerald quotes scrawled on sheets of paper found in their own personal notebooks, ripped out and left for investigating officers to find, he launches into an info-dump to rival info-dumps. 

He can’t help that literature is a special interest of his, made all the more intense by the fond childhood memories of reading to his mother in her bed. Fitzgerald had been her favourite author of the Modern Era, and he’d spent hours analysing significant passages in his novels as a child, so he starts explaining the literary merit of each of the quotes left at the crime scenes. 

Apparently, he doesn’t hear the first two times Hotch tries to direct him back on topic, but he hears it when Gideon shouts, “Spencer! Long and unnecessary tangents are not conducive to actually solving these cases. Get back on topic. Now.” He’s loud enough to briefly knock him back several decades to memories of his father screaming at his mother’s schizophrenic babbling, when she’d become convinced that the villains of her favourite novels were trying to break into the house.

Spencer stops mid-sentence and stares at Gideon, who is staring right back. Everyone’s watching the two awkwardly, but the short moment of silence is quickly broken by Hotch. “There is absolutely no need to be that rude, Jason,” he says disapprovingly, while he lays a hand on Spencer’s arm in a light, absent-minded sort of touch. “Reid may have been off-topic but he deserves respect just like everyone else on this team. Nobody needs to be shouted at like that.” He directs his attention back to Spencer. “Why don’t you tell us how those Fitzgerald quotes could help us solve the case, Reid?” 

He gives him an encouraging look, and when he looks around the jet, everyone else is, too. Carefully, he starts speaking again, a little afraid of being cut off again, but after a few sentences of relevant explanation he regains his momentum. It’s more than a little vindicating when it’s his ‘unnecessary tangent’ that ends up being the key to cracking the case. 

⭐️

Soon after Hotch’s split from Haley, he approaches Spencer one evening when they’re the only two left at the office with a dinner invitation. Within the hour, they walk into a nice, low-key Italian place in the city and take a seat in the far corner of the restaurant. 

“Is everything okay?” Spencer asks a little uncertainly, confused as to why his boss is suddenly taking him for dinner. 

“I had this idea almost as soon as you told me about your autism,” Hotch explains, knowing by now that preambles and niceties only frustrate Spencer instead of setting him at ease. “I wanted to take you out for dinner every week to try and give you a space to ramble about all your special interests and not feel like you have to mask around everyone. But when I was with Haley, all my personal time was obviously spent with her and Jack. Now, I have the time to dedicate to you and all the incredible knowledge you’re hoarding in that brain of yours.”

“Really?” Spencer asks excitedly. The idea of uninhibited space to talk about the recent knowledge he’s acquired and not have to feel insecure or worry about performing social skills he doesn’t see the point of is everything he’s ever wished for, and something so wonderful being provided by Hotch only makes it better. 

“Really.”

Spencer wastes no time. He dives right in. “I was just watching a documentary the other day about volcanoes and their ability to trigger lightning storms with their voltage,” he begins. “Basically, magma rises toward the volcano’s surface, its water rapidly turns to vapor, which shatters the molten rock into tiny particles and creates charged particles. When the ash plume erupts into the atmosphere, the densely packed particles collide, driven by momentum. Friction then affects their electrons, becoming electrically charged. Positively and negatively charged electrons separate in the ash plume which creates a charge imbalance that builds an electric charge strong enough to trigger a lightning storm.” 

“That’s incredible.”

“I know,” Spencer says excitedly. “If the ash plume rises high enough in the atmosphere ice forms, and when ice, hail, and supercooled liquid droplets collide, the rates of lightning explode, it’s crazy.”

They’re briefly interrupted by a waitress taking their orders, but as soon as she leaves, Hotch gets him to jump back in. “What about that lecture you attended last week… the literature of 18th Century England or something?”

“19th Century English Lit, yeah!” He’s so eager to finally share this with somebody who will genuinely listen to him, and he can’t help it when his arms start to flap excitedly. Remembering where he is, he doesn’t try to mask it, pin his arms to his sides and simply deal with and suppress the innate urge to stim, he lets his body do what it wants to. Instead of eliciting a strange, sideways look, Hotch just smiles fondly.  

“The lecturer had this fascinating theory on Dickens. I’ve always seen him as a pretty straight forward author of picaresque fiction, obviously combined with facets of melodrama. And it’s common knowledge that he was inspired by the novel of sensibility, of course. But I’d never thought about the stylistic and lexical choices in his works beyond standard analysis, and this lecturer went on a deep dive into his use of collocation and it opened my eyes…”

He spends the whole evening stimming to his heart’s content while detailing every current interest of his to Hotch, who simply listened intently while eating his meal slowly, dragging out the meal for as long as Spencer needed. “Let me give you a lift home,” Hotch insists after footing the bill, leading him out into the warm evening air.

“Oh, I don’t mind taking the metro,” he replies truthfully. 

“I know. But it would make me feel better to drop you home safely. It’s late and seeing you into your apartment building would give me peace of mind.”

“Sure,” Spencer agrees happily, he’s still buzzing from such a nice evening and the least he can do for Hotch is let him rest easy tonight, so he climbs into the passenger side of his car. A few minutes into the car ride home, he realises he should probably actually verbalise just how much he enjoyed dinner. “Thank you, Hotch. I don’t think anybody’s ever done something so nice for me before.”

“Don’t mention it, Spencer,” Hotch replies, smiling even though he doesn’t take his eyes off the road. Spencer very much likes it when Hotch uses his first name, and he’d been doing it all evening. He doesn’t really understand why it feels so nice, just that it makes him feel… special, maybe.

“Don’t mention it, Spencer,” he repeats, before freezing as he realises what he’s said. He’s got so used to not masking all evening, he’s not in the right rhythm and mindset to suppress the urge to repeat Hotch’s words. He’s been so nice the whole evening, the last thing Spencer wants is for Hotch to think he’s mocking him. 

“Hey, it’s okay,” Hotch reassures him, tapping his arm lightly as he smiles encouragingly. 

“Don’t mention it, Spencer,” he says again, repeating it a few times in relief before the itch is satisfied. He really does have the best boss/friend in the whole world. There’s no doubt about that. 

⭐️

Rossi’s initial reaction to Spencer had admittedly been a bit rocky, and having Hotch undeniably on his side was the only thing that made those first few months bearable. He never let them go off on their own; never put Spencer in a position where he’d have to be alone with him. Gradually, though, Rossi adjusted to his quirks and he became almost as protective of Spencer as Hotch.

That doesn’t bode well for the local sheriff when they’re on a case in North Carolina. He’s been prickly since they arrived, being as stubborn and uncooperative as possible, slowing down their progress on actually solving the case, and Spencer’s noticed him being a little extra rude to him in particular. It doesn’t massively bother him — it’s not exactly like someone’s aversion to him is a novel concept — but he can feel some sort of tension coming from the others. It happens a lot more now that they know about his autism and are more aware of themselves and others.

He tries to ignore it the best he can; he puts his head down and focuses on the geographical profile, going wherever he’s sent. Besides, the sooner they solve this case the sooner they can get out of North Carolina and back to DC. On their third day on the case, he’s working quietly in their designated corner of the police department alongside Hotch and Rossi while the others are out investigating in various different places. It’s a nice environment, and even though both men are his superiors, he feels more relaxed in their company than in anybody else’s.

It’s a relatively pleasant morning — considering the whole trying to catch a brutal serial killer thing — until they need to ask the sheriff a question. He saunters over, a tense and angry expression on his face, and Spencer can’t help but feel a little off, the confusing tension in the air that Spencer can’t quite identify making him anxious in his inability to properly decipher it. “Gentlemen,” he says, already frustrated. Spencer suspects it’s a pride thing; not many police departments like being shown up enough to have the FBI called in.

Eager to know the answer to their question, Spencer’s the one to jump in and ask. “Sheriff, we were just wondering whether the town gets much traffic from the local university or—”

He’s cut off by the sneering, towering man. “I’m not taking any questions from your kind,” he says aggressively. 

“I’m sorry?” Spencer squeaks as Rossi and Hotch both prepare to say something in response.

The sheriff cuts them off before they can get their likely diplomatic and calming words out. “Homo retards aren’t welcome around here.”

“Hey!” Rossi shouts as he leaps out of the chair, grabbing him by the collar as he’s helped by the element of surprise. “You don’t fucking talk to Spencer like that, you hear me? Weak, cowardly men like you—”

“Dave,” Hotch says placatingly, putting a hand on his shoulder and diffusing the situation. “Listen, Sheriff, we are only here to help you. But if you can’t respect my agents then we’re going to have a problem. Either you’re civil to Dr Reid, or I’m reporting you to the NC Sheriff’s Association. You hear me?”

The sheriff’s pride is clearly wounded, but he at least nods before giving them all a scornful look and walking away. 

“We didn’t even get to ask the question,” Spencer says anxiously, suddenly feeling out of his depth, like he can’t quite get enough air. 

“Dave, try and get an answer,” Hotch directs, taking charge of the situation. “Spencer, come with me.” He takes him into a secluded hallway for a little privacy, sitting him down on the cool linoleum before sinking down next to him. “You’re okay.”

“You’re okay, you’re okay,” Spencer whispers over and over to himself as he rocks backwards and forwards, trying desperately to self-soothe.

“Do you want me to touch you?” Hotch asks. He’s been in enough of these situations with Spencer to know he’s usually in two very different headspaces: he either longingly craves the grounding touch of a hug or a hand on his back, or he needs complete space. He’s also learned that asking outright is the only way to get an direct answer. 

“Yes,” Spencer replies, before repeating it over and over again as he’s wrapped up in Hotch’s arms, head pressed against his chest, his hand pressing gently against the back of Spencer’s head. He starts to calm down as he manages to breathe to the heat of Hotch’s calm, steady heartbeat, the comforting touch of someone he trusts with his life also helping to bring him back down to earth. A good ten minutes after the altercation with the sheriff, he’s feeling much better and brings his head out of it’s safe cocoon between Hotch’s chest and hand. 

“Come on,” Hotch says kindly. “Let’s get back to the case, yeah? You can just sit and work quietly until you’re ready to hold a proper conversation again. How does that sound?”

Spencer nods tiredly, knowing that work will perk him back up again, and being surrounded by his team will make him feel safe, asshole sheriff or not.

⭐️

Over the years Hotch helps him through any hurdles that come his way, learning the exact nuances of Spencer’s characteristics and requirements, making sure to accommodate him in every way possible.

He brings an extra, super-soft sweater in his go-bag in case Spencer ever forgets his and needs something gentle on his skin but tight enough to make him feel secure. He buys him stimming toys, dropping them on Spencer’s desk before he even arrives at work and lets him use his office whenever the lights and noise of the bullpen get too much, drawing the blinds and giving him the space he needs. Rossi doesn’t even question it anymore when Hotch shows up with a stack of paperwork and moves into his office for the morning. 

It wasn’t until Hotch made a concerted effort to make his life easier that Spencer realised how hard it had been fighting through life on his own. So when he realises Hotch’s birthday is coming up, he decides he wants to show his gratitude. It’s never been easy for him to express emotions, especially since he’s never really found it rude when people don’t thank him, but he knows that for most neurotypical people, appreciation is important. 

So he talks it over with Derek and on Hotch’s birthday, he comes into work to see Spencer waiting in his office with balloons, a cake, a card, and a present. He’d spent hours trying to find the right words to explain how he feels, to find the right words to show Hotch just how much everything he’s done for him means, but eventually he’d settled on something simple:

Caroline B Cooney wrote: “I found my family. I found the right thing to do. I found my way home.” 

I found all of these things when I joined the BAU, but more specifically when I walked into your office, hands shaking, clasping a letter I’d been waiting for all my life. Thank you. 

Hotch reads it with tears in his eyes before taking in the cake, a classic birthday cake Spencer had bought at the store, the words “Happy Birthday Dad” written in blue icing. He didn’t really understand why the cake had stood out to him, or why he associated the word ‘dad’ with someone who wasn’t related to him at all, but he’d trusted his gut and with Derek’s cheerleading, he’d bought it. 

“Oh, Spencer,” Hotch says tearfully. “Can I hug you?”

Feeling only mildly uncomfortable at the visible display of emotion Spencer doesn’t know what to do with, he nods and steps into Hotch’s comforting embrace. “This means the world to me,” Hotch murmurs quietly as he stands, hugging Spencer for as long as the younger man can stand it. 

Spencer’s still not completely sure why he’s managed to make him so emotional, but at least he can trust that it’s a good thing, that Hotch is happy and pleased and reassured. And if he can make him feel even a smidgen as happy as Hotch has made Spencer over the years, well. He’ll consider his long and boring trip into the city to buy the cake, present and card worth it.

Quick Note: Spencer is diagnosed with Asperger’s because that part of the fic is set in 2005. These days he would be diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD)

taglist: @criminalmindsvibez @strippersenseii

[alabasterswriting]

A Thousand Answers

Because I need more Anakin and Leia content, and I will fill that tag with my own two hands if I have to.

You can find it in AO3 format here, if you prefer that:)

Enjoy!

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

She calls to him just once, reaching into the Force with the hesitance of a child and the determination of a grieving mother, and his response is immediate. Standing before her, a shimmering blue spectre of the past. He waits, giving her the courtesy of control. It’s kinder than the one he gave her in life.

He’s not what she expected, achingly young and handsome instead of the blackened monster of her nightmares. She’s not sure whether it helps or not, to see what was. The man she came from instead of the beast she knew. She supposes it doesn’t matter. A fresh body does not a fresh start make, and she doesn’t intend to give him that start. Not yet. Maybe not ever. She’s not the forgiving type and she has the feeling neither is he.

She hates the similarity, but it makes it easier. They know where they stand.

“I have a question for you,” she says. Her gaze rests on the horizon, unable to look at this man who looks so much like her brother and her son, with her chin and her countenance.

He tilts his head, the Force rippling around her with the sensation. “I figured you might.”

Yes, he did, didn’t he? He knew what happened. What she’s lost. How could he not? The dead see all, and all that philosophical shit that never did her any good. “I have tried, for weeks now, to figure out what I did wrong. How I could have made a difference,” so that I didn’t lose him. “And I realized, that no matter what I did, nothing made any sense. I couldn’t change anything because I didn’t even know anything was wrong and I just—” she stops. Swallows her words. Pushes the deluge of emotions to the side and takes a breath. She’s rambling. Rambling to a monster, a man she despises; calling out to a beast for the comfort a father should give to his daughter and hating it.

She takes another breath. A question, she has one question and that’s it. “I need to know. What was it for you? What happened to you? I couldn’t help him, and Obi-Wan couldn’t help you, and I’ll be damned if someone else ever has to face this ugly pit I’ve found myself clawing through. So tell me. What was it that happened in your life that was so bad you turned yourself into a monster?”

He doesn’t speak for a moment. Mulling it over, perhaps. Or maybe trying to find all the problems he’d faced and gift it to her as an excuse. She wonders if she’ll buy it. If it will somehow fill the black hole that’s mawed through her chest and give her some semblance of comfort.

How far she’s fallen. Looking for comfort from a monster.

He shifts above her. He’s too tall and she’s too short, and sitting on the ground gives her no favors in this regard, but the Force paints a picture in her mind of his movements as he drifts along the physical world to sit beside her. He’s not close. He wants to be, but he knows she wouldn’t appreciate it. They’re too alike and she knows that down to her marrow.

It’s a comfort that she doesn’t want, but takes anyway. A monster remembering his humanity.

“Do you want the truth, or a history lesson?” He asks. His voice is soft and boyish, so different from the booming mechanical bark in her memories.

She snorts. “I never liked history. It’s biased and painted over far too often by victors looking to rationalize their crimes.”

He nods. She can feel it like a warm breeze against her cheek. “True. We share that sentiment.”

“And yet you did it anyway.”

He shrugs. “As did you. History is written by the victors and you are a victor.”

“Your answer,” she states, because their victories were not the same and his history a figment of a blackened mind.

He stares at her. It prickles the hair along her neck and pulls her in until her gaze has drifted from blue skies to blue eyes. They’re electric and sad and commanding from one General to another. “My answer? I could give you a thousand answers, Leia, and none of them would be enough. There are no explanations I can give that would give you the answer you want, and there are not enough reasons in the galaxy to excuse what I did.”

“Then why? If there are no reasons, then why? Why did he—” no. 

“I said that there were no reasons to excuse it, not that there were not reasons at all.” He leans in and she despises how much comfort it brings her. How warm he feels in the Force, for all that it soothes her because if a monster like Darth Vader can be that warm then surely there’s hope. “But I made a choice, Leia. I did. Not Obi-Wan. Not your mother. Not the Jedi or Palpatine. Me. Just as your son made his choice. Whatever part you played in his reasons are not an excuse for his actions, and wherever he goes from here are up to him.”

She swallows. It’s acid in her throat and a pressure behind her eyes. She hates how he can pick her apart to find the truths she hides from herself. The blame she’s trying to place. She searches his face for something -- anything that she can grab hold of and use to pull herself up from the depths she’s fallen into. “Can he come back? Like you?”

He smiles. It looks like Luke. It looks like her. It looks like her son. “Anyone can come back. It’s just a matter of wanting to.”

“And if he doesn’t want to?”

“Then that’s his choice.” He raises his hand to brush aside the tear on her cheek, before thinking better of it and bringing to his lap. She’s not sure why that hurts. “You can’t make his choices for him.”

“Then what can I do?”

“Fight. Hope. Keep him in your heart and remember who he was even when he forgets, then get up and move forward. You can’t go back, Leia, and you can’t force him to be someone he doesn’t want to be.”

Her throat is scraped raw as she says, “It hurts.”

“It does. But if there’s anything I know about you, it’s that you don’t give up when there’s still work to do.”

“Learn that from the Force, did you?”

He smirks. It’s lopsided and reminds her of a puppy. “Actually, I learned that from a young girl who lied to my face after being caught blatantly performing treason.”

“Yes, well, treason seems to be my middle name.”

“Hm, Leia Treason Organa. Catchy.”

“Fits better than Leia Amidala Skywalker.”

“I don’t know. I’m quite partial to that one.”

“You don’t get to be partial to it. She doesn’t exist.”

“No, I guess she doesn’t,” and it aches, somewhere inside her and inside the Force that that’s true. But the Force isn’t kind, and neither is the past, and Leia Organa has never had the luxury.

“Your mother would be proud, at least. Both of them.”

Her mother, the Queen of Alderaan, who wiped away tears and taught her strength, and her mother, the Queen of Naboo, who loved her despite never knowing her.

“And my father?”

He smirks. It’s sad, twisted with the knowledge of where they stand. “Immeasurably.”

“I don’t mean you.”

“I know.”

But he is. And she did. A little. She’ll give him this, and allow herself the fantasy.

Leia Organa does not spend long in fantasies. She shutters her gaze and pulls back. “Will you help him, then, while I’m off committing treason? Talk to him, or whatever it is dead people do in the Force.”

“I can’t talk to him, Leia. He won’t listen.”

“He might.” She’s not a fool. She knows how her son took Darth Vader into his mind and twisted him into an ideal to strive for. He may not listen to her, with all that hatred and resentment she still doesn’t understand, but he may for a man he thinks he wants to be. “He idolizes you. He wants to be you. And I hate you, but I love him, and if a man like you can come back, then maybe he can too.”

“He has to want it first.”

“So tell him that. Make him want it.”

“Not quite how it works.”

“Luke made you.”

“Luke was a catalyst,” the ghost stresses. “But wanting, Leia. No one can make you want it, except yourself. Because wanting it means accepting you were wrong. It means accepting that all your rationalizations were just that. I means taking responsibility for what you’ve done, and that is significantly harder than just deciding to be good. It’s seeing what you were capable of, taking in all that horror and monstrosity, and accepting it. No one can make him do that, Leia. Not even me.”

“He idolizes you.” “He idolizes my mistakes. He idolizes my shame and horror and regrets. He doesn’t want Anakin Skywalker. He wants Darth Vader, and one does not exist without the other.”

And her son will not accept that. The knowledge stomps the pieces of her heart into powdered glass and she turns away. “So you can do nothing. You are just as powerless as I.”

For once. For the first time. The one time she wants him omnipotent and he’s all too human.

He nods, despondent, with her heartbreak in his eyes. “I can watch him for you. I can be a hand on his shoulder. But I can no more bring back your son than Obi-Wan could bring back me.”

“He has to do that himself.”

“Yes.”

She nods once, pulling together the shavings of her heart and gluing them together. It’s depressing how good she’s gotten at doing so. “I understand. Watch him, then. If no one else can, then...watch him.” Care for him, she wants to say. Love him. No one else will at this point and he will not let her in to do so. 

He softens. The Force of him wraps her in a warm blanket and she thinks he understands what she can’t say. “I will.”

I’ll care for him, she hears. I’ll love him, until he lets you back in to do it yourself. 

A promise of love from a monster shouldn’t bring her such peace, but if her family is to be made up of monsters and men and gods, then perhaps it’s time she learned to embrace it. She’s spent her whole life running from him and his legacy, and it’s only brought her pain.

Leia bows her head. Not forgiveness, not benediction, not even acceptance, but a chance. Recognition for the man he was and the man he’s trying to be again. “Thank you, Master Skywalker.”

Anakin smiles, like a puppy that has since grown old, and returns the gesture. “Always, Master Organa.”

And he’s gone, as if he was never there in the first place. A hole in her life. But the Force is warm around her, waiting for her to reach out again. She’s not sure she will. She’s not sure she wants to. But the choice is nice.

An olive branch should she ever decide to take it.

Around her, the world pulls back into focus. Naboo roses, fragrant and sweet, waft in from the garden and the crystal waters glimmer under the sunlight. It’ll be dark soon. Already, the air is beginning to chill.

She gets up, picking up her skirts and ambling back inside. There’s work to do and an uncertain future ahead.

Her son made his choices. It’s time she made hers.

[multi-obsessed-fanfic-writer]

Calculated Risk (Anakin x Reader)

Author’s Note: Here’s the Anakin fic I said was coming out today! Don’t worry, this one is all fluff after the last angst one I posted haha. I hope you guys enjoy! And as always, my tag list/ask box/requests are always open! Thanks so much!

Requested?: Yes, by @cluelessgurl - “I’d love to see a jedi reader coming to Anakin’s rescue during a battle, even though he felt like he didn’t need it but being grateful anyway, just the reader being badass basically lmao. That doesn’t mean the reader doesn’t get a scolding from Anakin after the mission though with some fluff of course.”

Summary: You swoop into battle to help your crush, Anakin, who has vehemently denied the need for any back-up on his mission. 

Calculated Risk

Anakin Skywalker x Reader

Word Count: 1.9k

Warnings: None, I don’t think!

“Ready to report a status update.” Anakin’s voice crackles to life on a hologram behind you. Out of curiosity, you turn to see Obi-Wan talking to Anakin.

“Yes?” Obi-Wan prompts, raising an eyebrow. You drift over to Obi-Wan’s side, ignoring the glance he gives you as you train your eyes on Anakin. Yes, you have a crush on Anakin. But it’s not like he actually likes you back, so it’s no big deal.

“A small droid army has intercepted us and we are working our way through,” Anakin says, and you hear blaster shots firing all around him. 

“Do you need...help?” Obi-Wan asks, hearing a few grunts from clones who are getting shot.

“Oh, no, we’re fine. I’ve got this mission completely under control, don’t even worry about it.” Anakin chuckles, refusing help a little too much. You and Obi-Wan give each other a knowing glance.

“Anakin, we can easily send a squad-”

“Obi-Wan, I assure you, I can handle this myself. Ahsoka’s here, too, and she would say the same thing. Right, Ahsoka?” Anakin calls out.

“Master, we need your help over here! There’s too many of them!” Ahsoka’s voice comes ‘off-screen’ from the hologram.

“See? We’re doing just fine on our own. Gotta go!” Anakin quickly ends the transmission.

Obi-Wan turns to you, clearly still not convinced by Anakin’s antics. 

“It’s obvious that he needs a little help, but he refuses to call in more troops. If I send in reinforcements behind his back, he won’t be happy about it.” Obi-Wan grumbles.

“When has Anakin being grumpy ever held you back?” You laugh.

“Well-”

“What if I could offer a compromise?” You interject again, actually happier with your plan than what Obi-Wan wants to do.

“And what do you suggest we do instead?” He lifts an eyebrow at you and folds his arms. You have a habit of getting into trouble just like Anakin, so he probably doesn’t trust your ideas too often.

“Send me.” You grin triumphantly at him.

“Send...you?” He repeats back slowly, turning the idea over in his mind. It’s not a no, so you continue to explain yourself.

“I’m one of the best Jedi Knights, even you can’t deny that. I can be reinforcements. But I’m still not a squad being dispatched to him so he can’t be mad because you didn’t technically ‘send reinforcements.’” You smirk, knowing you’ve outwitted Anakin. Obi-Wan sighs, but you see the small smile he’s trying to hide.

“You have a fair point...and Anakin is always happy to see you, so he won’t be upset that you’ve been sent.” Obi-Wan thinks out loud.

“What?” 

“What?” 

“I’m...gonna go now.” You murmur, still not sure if you heard him correctly.

“Okay, stay safe. And...keep Anakin out of trouble, please.” He sighs. You grin wickedly at him.

“You’re telling me that?” You ask.

“That’s true, you egg on his antics... Still, you know the difference between reckless stupidity and calculated risks that need to be taken.” He groans, motioning for you to leave already.

“Sure, Obi-Wan. I’ll see you once I save Anakin and complete the mission!” You laugh, running to the hangar. You climb into your speeder and take off from the cruiser, headed toward Anakin.

~+~

Upon your arrival on the planet, an imperial bomber greets you. You try to maneuver your ship around the blast, but unfortunately, it takes out one of your wings and your speeder starts to go down. 

As the ship plummets to the ground, you (as gracefully as possible) flip out of the top of it and land on a nearby rock, not too far from the battle. You watch as your ship makes contact with the ground and blows up. Sigh, you suppose you’ll have to take a ship back with the others.

You slide down the rock you’re currently on and join in the battle, taking down droids as you fight your way to Anakin and his crew. 

You spot Anakin fighting near Ahsoka, getting pushed back by the sheer amount of droids trying to overwhelm them. That’s the thing about the empire. They may not have good fighters, but they had a lot of them.

“Anakin!” You call, flinging your lightsaber like a boomerang through the sea of droids. You call it back to your hand with the force and find that you have successfully cleared a path to Anakin. You decide to take your chance while you have it and run to him.

“(Y/n)? What are you doing here?” Anakin grunts, still fighting off droids. You deflect a blaster shot that was aimed at him while he’s preoccupied.

“Helping you, duh.” You make a face, jumping into battle next to him. The two of you work flawlessly together, making quick work of the droids.

“I said I didn’t need reinforcements.” He sighs.

“Oh, don’t worry. I’m not reinforcements. I just came here to see you, of course.” You wink at him, taking down another entire line of droids. Anakin watches in almost-awe as you fight off the droids, much more efficient than the rest of his crew, and maybe even him. He’d never admit that, though.

He watches you do a backflip over a droid, slicing it straight through the middle as you land behind it. This elicits a chuckle from his lips.

“Always one to put on a show, huh?” He smirks, glancing over at you as if he wasn’t just staring.

“Only if I care who’s watching,” You flirt, giving him a quick smile as the two of you fall back into sync.

It’s only a moment later when you speak again.

“Bend down,” You tell him.

“What?”

“Bend down.”

“Why?”

“Just do it!” You groan. Does he always have to question you? You never question his antics.

“Fine!” He crouches down and slashes at the feet of droids for a moment. You grin wickedly and use his back as a stepping stone, propelling yourself forward as you slice straight through a line of at least five droids.

“Gotcha!” You laugh, continuing to have fun despite being in the midst of a battle. Anakin shakes his head at you, but you see the small smile gracing his face.

“Always so dramatic with your fighting,” He tsks.

“Says Anakin Skywalker, the man who always has to have a dramatic entrance.” You tease him. He’s silent for a moment.

“...Touché.”

~+~

Once the battle is over, you look over to Anakin who had made his way across the battlefield while fighting. He’s walking over to you, and he doesn’t look quite happy.

“Before you get mad-” But before you can even finish your sentence, he roughly grabs your wrist and yanks you over to the side of the group that was forming to get ready to leave.

He lets go of you and turns around to look at you, his eyes scanning all over your body. You suddenly feel slightly self-conscious.

“Um...Anakin? Are you checking me out?” You try to tease, but your words seem more shy than bold like you intended. 

“Checking you out for injuries, yes.” He huffs, but you see a slight blush rise to his cheeks, making you feel a little bit triumphant for at least a small victory.

“We have a medic for that.” You muse, growing bolder now that you know you’re not the only one slightly flustered.

“I know but- you could’ve gotten hurt, (Y/n). Why did you come out here?” He seems slightly distressed even after he concludes that you definitely didn’t get any injuries.

“I came to...help? Didn’t you hear me when I arrived?” 

“I didn’t need the help-” 

“Anakin I was literally here. I fought the battle, too, and I saw how many enemies there were. You needed the help.” 

“I...I didn’t want it to be you, though.”

You’re hurt by his words. Your brows furrow and you start to turn away from him. If he’s going to be like that, then you’ll just leave. You don’t have to put up with this.

“No, wait! Sorry, I didn’t mean it like that…” He grabs your upper arm to stop you. He rubs the back of his neck nervously as you turn to look back at him.

“How did you mean it, then?” You hum skeptically.

“I...I just worry about you, that’s all. I didn’t want you to get hurt because of me, I wouldn’t be able to take the guilt.” He murmurs, much quieter than he was before. You turn back to face him fully again, stepping just slightly closer to him than you were earlier. His face is downcast to the floor.

“Why?” You ask him, tilting his head up to meet your eye.

“I like you.” He blurts out. This makes your eyes widen in surprise. You didn’t think he’d be so...blunt with it.

But once again, before you can continue he tries to explain himself further.

“I like you, (Y/n), and I don’t want to be the reason you get hurt. I wanted to handle myself so that you...well, you wouldn’t have to come down here and you’d be impressed by me getting it done all by myself.” He explains, almost rambling at this point. You put a finger to his lips, successfully shutting him up.

“Ani, I’m already impressed by you every day. You don’t need to take on an entire droid army to impress me, but I do appreciate the thought.” You giggle, pressing a feather-light kiss to his cheek. You see his face flush again and you smile at the thought of making him feel this way.

You see movement in the background and you look behind Anakin to see some boxes shifting slightly to block the two of you off from the rest of the group.

“What are you doing?” You ask Anakin, knowing that he’s definitely using the force to do that. 

“Just moving some boxes in the way of prying eyes so I can do this.” You don’t have time to react before his lips are on yours. You kiss him back eagerly, wrapping your arms around his neck as his arms snake around your waist. 

Once the two of you pull apart for air, there’s a goofy grin on both your faces. 

“I was wondering when that was going to happen,” You giggle.

“We’ll have to keep this a secret from the Order.” Anakin breathes out, the smile not leaving his face as he takes your features in from up this close.

“I’m willing to take the risk.” You smile at him, kissing him again. He melts into your touch.

“Good, because I am, too.” He kisses you one last time. You finally break away from each other, knowing that staying here too long would cause suspicion.

“See you on the ship, Anakin.” You wink at him and walk toward the boxes, shifting them back with the force as you join the group again.

Anakin trails behind a bit, a dumbstruck look still on his face. You’d tell him to be more subtle, but it’s only Anakin’s squad of clones and you know they wouldn’t say anything. That, and it’s too cute for you to ruin.

Obi-Wan was right about you being the one to take calculated risks that you deemed worth it, and you’ve never been more sure about anything: Anakin is a calculated risk that is more than worth it.

~~~~~

Tags: @spideyboipete @rowley-with-ackerman @official-hitmxn @anakinlove

[lassostark]

So yeah, I got carried away. As usual. *facepalm* Anyway, Happy Birthday, Wolfie @jaskierswolf!!! I hope you enjoy reading this long-ass fic, lovely. 😀💙 

(Edited) Word Count: 9k (I have a problem, I know)

Relationship: Geralt/Jaskier

Tags: AU: College/University, Professor!Jaskier, Professor!Geralt, Soulmates, Rated M for Language, Jaskier!Whump, Miscommunication, Enemies to Lovers (ish, can’t find the right tag sorry), Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Happy Ending

Read on AO3 here

--------

The Other Half

“Do I have a class to teach here or are all of you going to be focused on your phones?”

Jaskier is standing in front of his desk, hands on his hips as he gives his Creative Writing class students a stern look. Several of them look up from their phones with guilty expressions, and if Jaskier wasn’t in the middle of a lecture about storytelling in poetry, he would’ve laughed at their almost identical expressions.

“Sorry, Professor,” Rebecca, one of his favorite students, says. Jaskier raises an eyebrow at her, and the brunette blushes faintly as she reluctantly turns off her phone.

“Care to share what has everyone’s attention glued to their phones instead of me?” Jaskier smirks, injecting a bit of humor into his query. He notes how half of his students chuckle as others follow Rebecca’s lead in turning off their phones.

“It’s Sole Mate, sir,” a student from the back answers.

Jaskier frowns slightly. “Soulmate? Did another celebrity couple split up because they met their other half?”

There’s a ripple of laughter in the classroom while others shake their head. Thankfully, it’s Rebecca who gives him a proper answer.

“Er, no, sir,” she begins. “Sole Mate. The new app that’s been circulating lately? Everyone said it’s loads better than Tinder because instead of just random hook-ups -- um, I mean dates -- Sole Mate allows you to find your, well, soulmate.”

By the end of her explanation, Jaskier’s eyebrows are nearly reaching his hairline. He’s no stranger to social media and technology, so Jaskier knows what Rebecca is talking about. In fact, he’s noticed that aside from the students in the campus, he’s heard his fellow colleagues talking about it every now and then. Which is odd, to be honest, because for one, professors like Jaskier aren’t really that open about the whole soulmate thing. It’s not a taboo, per se, but more like a personal thing because not everyone has met their soulmate yet.

So while he’s aware that people are talking about the topic, Jaskier didn’t think that it was this big of a deal.

“I… see.” Jaskier nods, giving himself a few extra seconds to come up with a follow-up question. He coughs lightly before clearing his throat. “I’ve heard about that app, but I’m afraid I’m not familiar with its algorithm. What makes it so special, hm?”

Another student, Marcus, raises his ring-laden hand in the air. Jaskier gestures for him to speak.

“Well, sir, Sole Mate gives you the option to upload a photo of your soulmark. The photo is never made public, of course, but rather it’s an added feature that’ll help the app. Once it’s in the system, Sole Mate narrows down the scope of the search to people who have a similar look to your mark. It’s broken into groups which the app refers to as Sole Groups. Then you just chat with the people who are in those groups that meet the criteria until you meet the one whose mark matches yours.”

“I read an article from CNN yesterday,” Arif pipes in. “Since the app launched three months ago, there’s been a 95% increase of people finding their soulmates compared to the last ten years. And just yesterday, I found out my great-aunt found her match!”

“I’m going on a date tonight and I think they’re my match!”

Jaskier looks on in befuddlement as his students start to whisper excitedly to one another about the prospect of meeting their soulmate. He blinks and shakes his head before calling their attention once more.

“Alright, alright!” Jaskier calls over their chattering. “Enough now, please. Midterms are a month from now and we still have much ground to cover.”

“How about you, sir? Have you found your Sole Group yet?”

Jaskier hides his amusement at how eager his students look at him. Instead, he shakes his head and smirks at them as he moves around his desk to pick up his chalk.

“No, Damian,” he says mildly. “I don’t see a need for me to do so.”

“But why not?” Rebecca asks, sounding both curious and confused. “Don’t you want to meet your soulmate, sir?”

Fortunate that he’s facing the blackboard so his students can’t see his conflicted expression, Jaskier writes a few notes on the board as he flippantly replies, “I’m happy on my own and don’t see myself settling down, Ms. Haywood.” Before his students can pry further, he adds in a sterner tone, “Now, please pay attention to the lecture because there will be a quiz before the end of this class.”

There’s a collective groan behind him which Jaskier happily ignores as he launches into his lecture once more.

~

“‘I’m happy on my own and don’t see myself settling down’?” Essi repeats to Jaskier later when they’re on their lunch break. “That’s a load of bollocks, love.”

Jaskier rolls his eyes as he pops a grape in his mouth.

“Obviously,” he says after swallowing his food. “My students don’t need to know I already met my soulmate, Essi.”

“I know that,” Essi replies. “And I respect your privacy for saying that. But you don’t have to pretend with me, you know.”

“What the hell are you on about now?”

“I mean that you don’t have to lie to yourself, Jask.”

“I’m not lying!”

Essi scoffs at him. “Oh, please. We’ve known each other for nearly ten years. I know when you’re lying, Jask. You do that thing with your lips; it’s subtle but don’t think I didn’t see it earlier.”

Jaskier scowls at his friend, who’s one of the best and strictest Marketing professors in Redania University. So instead of replying, he decides to take a huge bite out of his ham and egg sandwich.

She’s lucky I love her, Jaskier thinks moodily.

“Still haven’t spoken to him?” Essi asks him after several minutes of comfortable silence pass.

‘Him’ being Jaskier’s soulmate, obviously.

He shakes his head. “Nope.”

“Are you ever going to speak to him?”

“Once he has his head out of his arse, maybe I’ll contemplate breathing the same air as him.”

Essi whistles low. “Damn, was the confrontation really that bad, Jask?”

Jaskier pointedly stares at her.

“Essi, darling, I’ve told you about it a hundred times in various states of inebriation and sobriety. Of course it was bad. It was horrendous for both parties.”

And honestly, Jaskier doesn’t want to talk about it. Hell, he doesn’t even want to think about it because every time he does, he feels nothing but disappointment and anger and hurt. Goddamn it, it’s been three years and it still fucking hurts. It’s a constant phantom pain in his chest that Jaskier doesn’t know what to do with, and he’s been living with that kind of pain for years with no hopes for resolution in sight.

He thinks of that day, the confrontation as Essi puts it, and all Jaskier can think of are golden eyes filled with apathy. An inscrutable expression on his soulmate’s chiseled features after Jaskier told him that they’re meant to be together.

Well, Jaskier didn’t say it like that, exactly, because he was nervous. He was rambling and sweating in places he didn’t know he could sweat, and he had just met his soulmate for fuck’s sake!

Alas, like the idealist he is, his expectations didn’t meet his reality.

“Oh shit,” Essi suddenly says, breaking Jaskier from his glum thoughts. “Don’t look. Your three o’clock.”

Because Jaskier has an issue with impulse control, he looks.

And he freezes.

There, dressed in tight-fitting grey slacks and a white dress shirt with the sleeves rolled to his elbows, is Jaskier’s soulmate.

Geralt Rivia.

His hair is fixed into a man bun, and Jaskier feels his chest constrict at the wisps of silver hair framing his jawline. Geralt hasn’t seen them, thankfully, because he’s busy chatting with Yennefer Vengerberg, the gorgeous yet cutthroat International Relations professor who’s notorious for failing 40% of her students.

Jaskier is about to look away when Geralt turns his head and meets his eyes.

Fuck.

He notes the deep furrow between Geralt’s brows, the Anthropology professor’s hold on his lunch tray tightening when their gazes meet across the room. As much as Jaskier talks about being alright on his own, he can’t help but secretly admit to himself that he likes the shiver of pleasure that runs down his spine when their eyes meet. Jaskier read somewhere that researchers called it The Spark. It’s cheesy, yes, but it’s exactly that. An electrifying feeling shared between two halves of a whole finding each other.

Then reality comes crashing down and Jaskier remembers what Geralt told him that day and he thinks: Fuck this.

Appetite gone, Jaskier clears his throat and looks away. He deliberately ignores Essi’s sympathetic gaze as he packs up the rest of his uneaten food. He stands up and slings his shoulder bag before daring to look at his friend.

“I just remembered I have papers to grade. I’ll see you later, yeah?”

Essi nods her head. Jaskier doesn’t wait for a reply and turns to make his escape, but not before he catches Geralt still staring at him.

For the life of him, Jaskier is still unable to read the man’s facial expressions. It’s just so… inscrutable. Like staring into a slab of brick wall with no hopes of breaking through it. Jaskier doesn’t know why he still finds himself caring at this point.

Who is he kidding? He’s always cared.

“Professor Pankratz.”

Jaskier averts his eyes from Geralt to meet Yennefer’s violet eyes, a smirk on her ruby lips. They’re not close, and though he finds the woman equally terrifying and beautiful, Jaskier can’t help but be a little fond of her.

“Professor Vengerberg,” he acknowledges her haughty look with a faint smile.

From his peripheral gaze, Geralt looks like he’s opening his mouth to address him. But Jaskier thinks it’s probably a trick of the light, so he walks away and forces himself not to look back.

No matter how painful it is. No matter how his soulmark feels like it’s going to burn a hole through his shirt.

~

3 years ago

“Is that the new Anthropology professor?” Essi whispers to Jaskier excitedly.

Jaskier gazes across the spacious meeting room to find the person his friend is referring to. It’s about damn time the university hired someone to replace Mousesack. The elderly scholar looked like ready to drop if he stayed for another semester.

“I don’t see-- oh.”

Oh, indeed. Jaskier shamelessly eyes the silver-haired Adonis dressed in grey slacks and a tight-fitting dress shirt. He notes with mild amusement how the newcomer looks a little awkward standing beside the drinks table, drink in hand as he silently eyes his surroundings with a guarded expression.

“Oh, he’s gorgeous,” Jaskier says under his breath.

“The hair isn’t doing it for me, but yeah he’s gorgeous,” Essi agrees with a hum.

“I’m gonna introduce myself. Be right back.”

Jaskier doesn’t wait for Essi’s response as he quickly crosses the room to approach the brooding man. Like a lone wolf eyeing his prey, he thinks with an inward chuckle.

“Hello, there,” Jaskier greets the man with a friendly smile once he’s standing a respectable distance from him. He quickly takes note of their height difference. Well, more like a lack of it as Jaskier surmises the burly man is only an inch or two taller than him. “You must be the new Anthropology professor. I’m Julian Pankratz, but everyone here calls me Jaskier. I teach Introduction to Creative Writing and Advanced Creative Writing.”

Jaskier feels his smile start to falter as the silver-haired Adonis initially doesn’t accept his handshake. He’s about to bring down his arm when he feels a warm, calloused hand curl around his.

That’s when he feels it: the spark. Jaskier is unable to hide a gasp when he feels an electrifying feeling trail down his spine. He blinks owlishly at the other man who looks just as shocked as him.

“Geralt Rivia,” the man introduces himself after a few seconds of awkward silence pass. Jaskier feels another shiver down his spine upon hearing the low, growly voice.

“N-nice to meet you, Geralt.”

“Hmm.”

Instead of feeling annoyed, Jaskier feels endeared at the non-verbal reply. He finds his gaze falling on their clasped hands, and he’s about to let go when something catches his eye and he freezes on the spot.

Geralt has his shirtsleeves rolled up to his elbows, so Jaskier can see the veins and light dusting of hair on his arm. But that’s not what he’s focusing on, no. He finds himself drawn to Geralt’s forearm, where a familiar-looking mark resides. A mark that Jaskier can draw in his sleep because he bears the same mark since he was born.

Holy shit, Jaskier thinks as he looks up to meet Geralt’s puzzled frown with a slackened expression. I just met my soulmate.

~

Present day

“Hang on, you bloody cat,” Jaskier grumbles under his breath as he enters his one-bedroom apartment later that evening. Mister Fuzzball meows and curls his orange tail around his calf while Jaskier locks the door. “Yes, yes, you will get your meal in a bit. Just let me put down my bag, darling.”

Mister Fuzzball meows again as the tabby cat trails after him.

Jaskier goes through the motions of his nighttime routine like clockwork. Change into his home clothes, feed Mister Fuzzball, prepare his own dinner, and then eat his dinner on the couch while watching a rerun episode of The Office.

Afterwards, he leaves the dirty dishes on the sink to sit on the small dining table to grade more papers. He works silently for a couple of hours while nursing a glass of wine, and when Jaskier finds that he can no longer find the energy to constructively criticize his students’ writing, he turns in for the night. He cuddles Mister Fuzzball for a few minutes before going to the loo to brush his teeth and do his extensive skincare routine.

By eleven o’clock, Jaskier is in bed with the lights turned off. He lets out a sigh as he stares aimlessly at his ceiling and wonders how his life has come to this. Just going through the motions of a routine well-established whilst trying his best to ignore the ache in his chest.

Lost in his thoughts, Jaskier finds himself stroking his left collarbone, tracing the lines that are slightly raised as he hums a nameless tune under his breath.

Rebirth. That’s what his soulmark symbolizes. But all Jaskier feels these days is the opposite.

He doesn’t fall asleep until the early hours of the morning.

~

“- so I told mum that I’ll spend Christmas with them and then go to Scotland for New Year’s with Edmund. What about you?”

Belatedly, Jaskier notices the silence has stretched on, so he looks up from staring at the painting of Philippa Eilhart to meet Essi’s worried gaze.

“Sorry, what?”

“Are you alright, Jask?” Essi asks. “You don’t look too well, love.”

Jaskier bats off her hands as his friend tries to feel his forehead for a fever.

“I’m fine, Essi. Just tired.”

“Not sleeping well?”

He shakes his head. He can’t explain it, but he’s feeling more lethargic than usual.

“No, I’m sleeping fine. I’m just tired, s’all.”

Essi doesn’t look convinced, so Jaskier musters what strength he has left to smile at her.

“I’m fine, mother. There’s no need to get your knickers in a twist.”

“If you say so, Jask,” Essi replies with an eye roll. Then teasingly, she adds, “Better apply concealer, though. I can see your bags from here.”

Jaskier gasps and tosses the crumpled wrapper of his sandwich at her.

~

3 years ago

“Geralt! Hey, hi. Do you have a minute?”

Jaskier smiles nervously at the hot Anthropology professor who is about to exit the break room. Geralt turns to look at Jaskier with a puzzled frown before he grunts and nods his head. Relieved, Jaskier tilts his head and gestures for the other man to follow him to a somewhat secluded corner of the room. Although standing beside the painting of Philippa Eilhart, one of the founders of Redania University, isn’t such a good idea. But Jaskier is out of good ideas at this point because he’s nearly bursting at the seams to do something he’s been meaning to do for the past three months since he met Geralt Rivia.

“What did you want to talk about?” Geralt asks him, looking curiously at Jaskier now.

Jaskier clears his throat and wipes his sweaty palms on his slim corduroy pants as he works up the nerve to just… do it.

“Yes, um, so,” he begins eloquently. Oh gods, this was easier in his head. “So we’ve known each for a few months now and I like to think we’ve reached a certain understanding of one another. One might, er, even say that we’re casual friends at this point.”

Geralt blinks at him but doesn’t say anything. If Jaskier looks closely, which he is, he thinks there’s something akin to amusement dancing in the other man’s golden eyes. Could be a trick of the light, but Jaskier has high hopes.

“Geralt, um,” Jaskier continues. He tries his best to ignore the butterflies fluttering in his belly as he focuses on what he’s going to say next. “I don’t know how to say this, exactly, because it’s never happened to me before. But, um. Well, the university is singing your praise and you’re an unexpected hit with the students. No surprise there, if you ask me, you’re an incredibly beautiful man and, oh god.”

“You’re rambling,” Geralt notes with a slight upwards quirk of his mouth.

Jaskier scratches the back of his head. “Yes, I’m well aware, thank you.”

Geralt snorts, looking amused now.

“Just spit it out, Jask,” he says not unkindly.

And, well. That ought to do the trick.

“We’re soulmates,” Jaskier blurts out. He doesn’t notice Geralt stiffen, too preoccupied with getting the words out now that he’s finally said it. “And before you say anything, I saw your mark. On the first day we met - well, I introduced myself. We shook hands and you had sleeves rolled up to your elbows, and that’s when I noticed the mark etched on your forearm.” When Geralt doesn’t say anything, Jaskier hurriedly adds, “I have the same mark, you see. Right here.”

Then and there, Jaskier unbuttons his white dress shirt and yanks the collar of his undershirt down to show Geralt the same dandelion tattoo across his left collarbone.

Seconds, and then minutes, pass by and Geralt remains stoic, an unreadable expression on his chiseled features. Jaskier’s smile falters as he self-consciously buttons up his shirt once more, feeling naked and seen under the stoic gaze of his colleague.

“Geralt? What, um. Please say something.”

It takes several seconds before Geralt reacts. The older man breathes in deep through his nose and slowly exhales through his mouth. He blinks at Jaskier, golden eyes swiftly glancing at his covered soulmark.

“Hmm.”

Jaskier nearly balks at the response. Well, he certainly wasn’t expecting that!

“Geralt?”

When Geralt meets his hopeful stare, Jaskier knows his answer from the lack of emotion in the other man’s eyes. Something in him cracks at that very moment.

“I don’t know what to say,” Geralt begins haltingly.

Jaskier’s voice is hoarse when he answers, “The truth would be nice.”

Geralt hums but doesn’t say anything for a few seconds. He looks at the painting to his left, and Jaskier silently observes him as he works up the nerve to share his thoughts.

Eventually, Geralt settles upon saying, “I can’t. I’m sorry.”

A part of Jaskier was already expecting it, based on Geralt’s initial reaction, but it still hurts, holy shit.

“Can you…” Jaskier clears his throat. “Can you tell me why? Maybe, maybe we can compromise?”

His voice trails off when Geralt shakes his head.

“I’m not… available. The whole soulmate thing is… hmm. It’s not my thing. I don’t believe in that whole destiny crap. I’m sorry.”

Not his thing? Doesn’t believe in the “whole destiny crap”?

What?

“But, but Geralt,” Jaskier protests weakly. “You’re my other half. And I’m your--”

“I said I’m not interested,” Geralt reiterates firmly, golden eyes determinedly not meeting Jaskier. “I’m sorry, Jaskier.”

Then without waiting for a response, Geralt shoulders past him and leaves the break room like he’s being chased by a pack of wolves.

Jaskier stares at the spot where Geralt was standing just moments ago, feeling like he lost the one thing he never had in the first place.

~

Present day

“Remind me again why Valentine’s Day is not considered a proper holiday?”

Essi is looking through the books that line up the shelves of Jaskier’s office as he rummages the piles of paper scattered on his desk.

“Because Valentine’s Day is not a proper holiday, Essi,” Jaskier answers somewhat distractedly. He continues searching for one of the papers he remembers grading the night before, but he can’t find. It. Here. “It’s just a big, fat scheme for companies to capitalize on lovesick fools. Now where the bloody fuck is that paper?!”

Essi ignores his grumbling.

“Hmm, true, but they should. I mean, any business big or small can develop a strong value proposition aimed at lovesick couples. Of course, the competition would be ghastly, but considering that Sole Mate has matched 5,000 couples in the UK alone, I think they missed an opportunity there.”

“Whatever you--” Jaskier starts to say, only to immediately cut himself off when he starts coughing. And it’s not the good kind of cough, either.

He spends almost a minute coughing up a lung, and he ultimately accepts the tissues Essi hands him. He thanks her with a thumbs up before he spits out the phlegm on it. Jaskier crumples it up before tossing it in the bin under his desk. Out of sight, out of mind.

“Are you okay?” Essi asks him, sounding worried.

Jaskier nods as he clears his throat before speaking.

“Yes yes, I’m fine. Sorry, didn’t mean to alarm you.”

“Jask, you don’t look fine.”

Jaskier waves off his friend’s concern as he pushes a book out of the way. He makes a triumphant sound when he finally finds the missing paper. Jaskier quickly shoves it into his messenger bag as he picks up his blazer to shrug into it.

He meets Essi’s worried gaze, and Jaskier tries to appease her with a dimpled smile.

“Turn that frown upside down. I’m perfectly fine, Essi.”

Essi still doesn’t look convinced. “Have you been to the doctor? You should go for a check-up.”

Jaskier shakes his head.

“I’m still recovering from the flu last week but I’m regularly drinking that herbal tea you recommended to me. It’s working wonders on my throat. I’ll be right as rain in no time, don’t you worry.”

~

Rejected soulbonds are few and far between as far as Jaskier is aware. There’s not much study material available on the Internet, but what he’s found out so far doesn’t help ease the anxiety that’s been building up for months now.

Lethargy. A decrease in the immune system. Difficulty with sleeping. Shortness of breath.

They’re a few of the symptoms that researchers from Kerack Institute compiled a few years ago from studying broken, or rejected, soulbonds. According to their study, it’s not a life-threatening situation. People who experience this usually end up recovering after a period of time. Broken or rejected soulbonds usually occur if the person’s soulmate is deceased before they meet, or if their other half is already in a committed relationship with someone else.

In Jaskier’s case, it’s neither. Geralt’s rejection still stings after all these years, and Jaskier doesn’t understand why he still feels like it happened yesterday. The ache in his chest is not dissipating at all. In fact, it’s worsening as days go by. He’s been to see a cardiologist, and the scans showed that his heart is perfectly fine. So whatever Jaskier is going through right now is not physical, but more… psychological? Emotional?

He’s not certain about that since there’s not enough material about his case. But one thing does stand out from what Jaskier read about rejected soulbonds.

Proximity is what makes or breaks the affected party.

Unfortunately, Jaskier and Geralt are employed in the same university. They attend the same weekly meeting, attend the university’s functions when required, and they usually see each other during their breaks. It’s not often, but it happens frequently.

So the more he sees Geralt, the worse Jaskier feels. And over time, it could literally be his life on the line.

And therein lies the problem.

Well, there’s only one thing left to do.

~

“You want to go on sabbatical?”

“Yes.”

“Right now?”

“I believe that’s what I just said, yes.”

Vesemir Morhen, the president of Redania University, looks at Jaskier with a perplexed expression.

“Jaskier, may I know why you’re requesting to go on leave in the middle of the semester?”

Jaskier hesitates for a second before replying, “I just think it’s the right time to do so, sir. I talked to Priscilla, and she’s willing to shoulder my classes for the rest of term. There’s not much ground to cover--”

“Jaskier, Priscilla is going on maternity leave starting next month,” Vesemir interrupts him, eyebrow raised.

“Well, um, I’m aware of that.”

“Then why--”

“That’s why I talked to Coën to cover for her, well, for me, next--”

“No.”

Jaskier snaps his mouth shut mid-tirade at Vesemir’s stern gaze.

“Sir, please, I--”

Vesemir shakes his head.

“No, Jaskier. If you really want to take a sabbatical, you can do so after the term ends. At this moment, I can’t allow you to go on leave. I’m sorry, but you’ll have to wait a little longer.”

“Very well, sir,” Jaskier answers stiffly, knowing that once Vesemir has made his mind up there’s no chance of him changing his decision.

So he’s stuck for another three months here.

Fuck, he curses to himself. Damn it.

~

It’s a little late in the evening and Jaskier is just about to leave his office. After hours of hunching over his desk marking papers from his Advanced Creative Writing class, Jaskier is more than ready to eat leftovers for dinner and binge-watch a few episodes of Anne With An E. Fortunately, he doesn’t have a scheduled class until tomorrow afternoon so he can sleep in a little bit later.

Jaskier locks his office, pockets his key, and turns to walk down the hallway towards the parking lot when he finds himself meeting Geralt’s gaze across the corridor. A jolt runs down his spine as he staggers in his steps, and Jaskier is momentarily nonplussed at the peculiar look on the burly man’s face.

“Jaskier,” Geralt says eventually when he doesn’t speak up.

Jaskier swallows inaudibly, his tongue clicking on the roof of his mouth.

“Geralt.”

Jaskier waits patiently as he eyes the Anthropology professor who looks like he’s working up the courage to say something. It’s certainly a first, and Jaskier is not sure what Destiny has up her - his? Their? - sleeve this time.

He’s fucking exhausted, damn it.

“Yennefer told me you were planning to go on sabbatical,” Geralt finally blurts out in his typical gruff voice.

Jaskier blinks. Well, he was certainly not expecting that.

“What? I mean, how in the world did Yennefer find out? I never spoke to anyone about this except Vesemir.”

He notes with awe as Geralt shuffles his feet on the hardwood floors, and for a moment, something akin to fondness wells up in Jaskier’s chest before he tamps it down. This is not the time to feel anything remotely positive towards Geralt Rivia when he’s the source of Jaskier’s misery.

“Hmm, well,” he hears Geralt reply. “She told me she heard it from someone who overheard Vesemir’s assistant talking to Tissaia after you left. So it could be anyone.”

Jaskier is unable to hide a groan of frustration. He runs a hand through his already disheveled chestnut locks as he thinks, Great, they’re definitely going to bring this up at the meeting on Friday. Nosy little witches.

“Yes, well, it’s not happening,” Jaskier says with a shrug. He finds himself taking a step, and another, and another, before he’s walking down the corridor to narrow the distance between him and Geralt. And he doesn’t stop when he reaches the other man’s side. “Vesemir said I can’t go on leave right now, so I’ll still be here until the end of term.”

He hears footsteps behind him, and Jaskier inwardly curses when Geralt picks up the pace to follow him.

Just his luck. And why the fuck now?

“Is everything okay?”

Puzzled at the non-sequitur, Jaskier doesn’t break his stride, but he does look over his shoulder to see the closest thing to concern written over Geralt’s face. A part of Jaskier finds it endearing before he swats that thought away with a scowl.

“Everything’s fucking peachy, Geralt,” he answers waspishly before turning his attention ahead of him. “And why are you following me?”

“I’m not, I’m going to the parking lot,” Geralt says simply. This time, Jaskier detects a hint of amusement in his tone, which only serves to piss him off. “Where did you plan on going, then?”

“None of your business,” Jaskier says through gritted teeth. He thrusts open the double doors and quickly descends the stone steps two at a time.

“What’s gotten into you?” he hears Geralt ask, and that’s it.

They reach the parking lot, but instead of marching over to his blue Volkswagen Beetle, Jaskier whirls around to face Geralt. He distantly notes with satisfaction how the other man quickly takes a step back.

“Nothing has gotten into me,” Jaskier says, aggravated beyond comprehension in that moment. “I just wanted some goddamn space, but apparently that’s really fucking hard to come by these days. So for the love of god, take your curiosity and fake sincerity and leave me the fuck alone.”

Geralt’s brows furrow as he meets Jaskier’s glare with perplexity.

“I… it’s not--” he protests haltingly before he shakes his head and tries again. “I only wanted to know--”

Jaskier swiftly cuts him off.

“Well, you lost that right the day you rejected me,” he spits out. Distantly, he knows he’s being too harsh, but Jaskier can’t bring himself to care right now because nothing in his life makes sense anymore. He misses the flicker of emotion that passes over Geralt’s face, too busy turning around to unlock his car. “Just… just leave me alone, Geralt.”

If Geralt responds, Jaskier doesn’t hear it. He starts the ignition and doesn’t bother to warm up the car. He quickly reverses from his parking space and presses his foot on the gas, wanting to get as far away as he can from the one person his soul is aching to be close to.

~

“Damn, Jask,” Essi says after Jaskier relays to her what happened that night over the phone. “You really tore him a new one, huh?”

“Serves him right,” Jaskier grumbles. He takes another bite of leftover orange chicken as he listens to his friend whistle on the other end. “I know that kind of whistle. That’s your disapproving whistle.”

“Yes, well,” Essi starts. Jaskier frowns, so he pauses the show he’s watching, cutting off Anne mid-tirade as she talks to Gilbert Blythe.

“What is it?”

Essi hesitates for another second before eventually saying, “Don’t you think you were a little harsh on him, though?” Before Jaskier can respond, she continues. “Don’t get me wrong. Geralt should’ve seen it coming and I understand where you’re coming from, Jask. But I don’t know, something doesn’t add up to the confrontation. Like, I feel like your reaction wasn’t justified enough?”

Jaskier sighs.

“What do you want me to say, Essi? He was being nosy and I didn’t like it. We barely exchanged a word in three years and of all the occasions, he chooses now to do so? Why?”

“I don’t know.”

“I don’t know, either.”

Essi is silent for a while.

“Something’s up with you, Jask.”

Jaskier is lucky that they’re not talking over FaceTime because he would’ve been caught in that moment.

“Nothing’s up with me,” he says with an eye roll. He knows Essi doesn’t believe him, so he adds, “I swear, Essi. I just want a break, and I think not seeing Geralt’s face for a year is the first step.”

~

Weeks pass, and spring slowly introduces itself in hues of green and yellow. Jaskier is able to breathe a little easier when he notices the distinct lack of one Geralt Rivia. Sure, they still see each other during faculty meetings, but that’s a given. Outside of that weekly assembly, Jaskier doesn’t see neither hide nor hair of the silver-haired Adonis. A part of him sighs in relief because at least his one wish was granted. But another part of him, the bigger part, can’t help but feel melancholy at no longer seeing or bumping into his soulmate.

After all, it’s for Jaskier’s benefit that it has to be this way until the end of term. Less than three months to go and he can finally go on sabbatical. He doesn’t know where he’s going yet, but Jaskier finds the idea of starting in New Zealand to visit Hobbiton very appealing.

He’s going to miss his students, of course. He’s going to miss Essi and Priscilla, and the other faculty members he’s gotten close to over the years. He’s obviously going to miss Mister Fuzzball, his orange tabby purring and constantly requesting for cuddles and treats. He hates to admit it, even to himself, but Jaskier knows he’s going to miss Geralt. Fuck, he misses the man right this moment, and the idea of not seeing his soulmate for a year makes him feel… antsy.

“No, we’re doing this,” Jaskier shakes his head. Mister Fuzzball meows and he looks down to see his cat playfully nipping at his fingers. Jaskier chuckles and cuddles Mister Fuzzball closer to his chest. “You’re right, Mister Fuzzball. This is for the best. Distance is what will heal this rejected bond, that’s for certain. What’s the worst that could happen, right?”

Mister Fuzzball meows and boops his nose to Jaskier’s chin.

Yes. Easier said than done.

~

It all comes to a head in late May.

Finals week is looming closer so Jaskier and the rest of the faculty at Redania University are working overtime. After a tiring week of preparing exams and preparing his handover to the Literature Department before he goes on sabbatical, Jaskier elects to pamper himself once the weekend rolls around.

He wakes up after eleven on a Saturday morning and decides to have brunch at his favorite pub. He calls Essi, who agrees to meet him at Rosemary & Thyme in half an hour, before he gets up from bed and starts getting ready for a relaxing day outside. Maybe he’ll try and coax Essi to go shopping with him. Retail therapy has worked wonders on his mental state before.

But Jaskier never managed to do any of those things.

Instead of taking his car, he elects to take the subway instead because finding a parking space is always a pain in the arse on the weekend. Jaskier is only a few blocks away from reaching Rosemary & Thyme when he hears the commotion before he sees it.

Several vehicles’s horns start blaring while people from the sidewalks shout in alarm. Jaskier turns at the noise, and he feels his heart leap to his throat when he sees a small blonde girl running to the middle of the road to pick up a round, furry stuffed toy she likely dropped.

“Ciri!”

The voice who yells the child’s name is somewhat familiar, but Jaskier ignores it for the moment because a child is in danger. He doesn’t know how it happens or why, but something clicks in Jaskier that makes him act on instinct. He pushes past the other onlookers staring in horror and sprints to the middle of the busy street.

The small blonde girl -- Ciri -- can’t be more than five years old. She has the furry toy clutched to her chest when Jaskier reaches her side. From his peripheral vision, he glimpses a cab approaching them, and the next several seconds happen in slow-motion.

The cab’s brakes screech as the driver spots them a little too late.

The blonde girl’s emerald eyes lock on Jaskier, a look of awe and confusion on her freckled gaze.

Around them, several bystanders are either frozen on the spot or shouting in alarm.

Geralt stands at the curb with Yennefer and a few other burly men, a look of undisguised terror on his handsome face.

It feels like a lifetime and not, and without giving it much thought, Jaskier finds himself lifting the blonde girl and tossing her in the arms of the one cyclist who had the presence of mind to block the other cars who managed to brake on time.

Except for one.

One second, he has both feet on the ground, and the next Jaskier finds himself on his back on the concrete floor. He feels something sticky trickle down his face, and when he tries to speak, he ends up coughing on the metallic taste of blood.

Oh. So he got hit by the cab, then.

A cacophony of noise permeates through his muddled senses. Sirens and screams and several pairs of feet thudding closer and closer. Jaskier tries to blink but his vision is blurring.

“Jaskier, Jaskier,” the familiar voice says, sounding panicked and choked to his ears. Do they know him? “Jaskier, oh fuck. Hold on, Jaskier. Help’s on the way.”

“Eskel, take Ciri from the cyclist,” another familiar voice filters through. “Geralt, don’t move him. We don’t know what injuries he’s sustained.”

“What injuries-?!” an unfamiliar growly voice interrupts. “He got hit by a fucking car! He’s definitely broken some bones.”

“Lambert, be useful and call a fucking ambulance,” the familiar voice growls back. There’s a gurgling sound before the familiar voice, Geralt, speaks up. “Ssh, it’s okay. You’re going to be okay. I’m so sorry.”

“Ngh,” Jaskier slurs. He tries to keep his eyes open but it’s becoming more difficult by the second. “G’rlt.”

“Keep your eyes on me,” the voice repeats, and they sound choked with emotion. “Jask, stay with me. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. Please stay with me.”

It’s the last thing Jaskier hears before he loses consciousness.

~

2 weeks later

“You wonder what he’s thinking when he shivers like that. What can you tell me? What could you possibly tell me? Sure, it’s good to feel things, and if it hurts, we’re doing it to ourselves--”

Someone knocks on the door before it opens, and Jaskier looks up to see the nurse, Jackie, standing on the threshold. Essi, who’s been reading to him his favorite poems for the past hour, stops to look up as well.

Jackie smiles at them before she addresses Jaskier, “I’m sorry for interrupting you, but you have another visitor, Jaskier.”

A glance at the clock nailed to the wall in front of him alerts Jaskier that it’s already past three o’clock.

“Shit,” Essi curses beside him, clearly taking note of the time as well. “Sorry, Jask. I lost track of the time. I need to go.”

She looks down apologetically at Jaskier, who shakes his head in understanding and smiles warmly at her.

“Not at all, Essi,” he says, voice still a bit hoarse. “Thank you for visiting me again. I’m sorry for keeping you.”

Essi pockets her phone and slings her messenger bag across her shoulders before leaning down to brush a hand through Jaskier’s unwashed hair and planting a soft kiss on his bandaged forehead.

“Don’t apologize, silly,” she admonishes slightly once she straightens. She smiles crookedly at Jaskier and brushes her fingers on his face, lightly tracing the faint bruises on his cheek. “I’ll drop by again tomorrow before my afternoon lecture. Do you need me to get you anything?”

“No, I’m good. But please feed Mister Fuzzball, and cuddle him for me, won’t you?”

Essi rolls her eyes good-naturedly but nods her head. “Of course, Jask. I got Mister Fuzzies under control.”

“It’s Mister Fuzzball!”

“Yeah, yeah. Whatever. Love you. Take it easy and I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?”

It’s Jaskier’s turn to roll his eyes, but he carefully waves his bandaged wrist at his best friend’s departing figure.

“Love you too. See you later, Daven.”

When Essi disappears around the corner, less than thirty seconds pass before Jaskier’s next visitors come in.

“Jaskier! You’re awake!” a small, blonde girl greets as she dashes inside the room. She stops at the very last second when she reaches Jaskier’s side, careful with his injuries as she climbs up the bed to plant a sloppy but very welcome kiss on his bruised cheek.

“Of course I’m awake, darling,” Jaskier answers with a dimpled grin as he playfully boops Ciri’s nose, causing the child to giggle. “I would never pass up the chance to miss your visit.”

“How are you? Did you finish watching Frozen yesterday? You fell asleep and Papa said I shouldn’t disturb you.”

“I’m feeling better now that you’re here. And no, I didn’t finish Frozen yesterday but I already watched it before so it’s okay. What movie do you want to watch next, hm?”

Jaskier chuckles as he listens to Ciri prattle on for the next few minutes about her favorite scenes in Frozen and how she wants to watch an old Disney film called The Emperor’s New Groove. Jaskier looks up to see the second visitor who silently trailed after the energetic child, making sure to shut the door behind him to give them privacy.

Geralt is already seated on the chair Essi just vacated, the silver-haired man looking at Ciri and Jaskier with undisguised fondness. If someone told Jaskier that he would be the object of Geralt Rivia’s shameless googly eyes, he would tell them where to shove it. But as it is, since his unfortunate accident two weeks ago, it’s like the man did a 180-degree. It’s probably mean of Jaskier to think it, but he can’t help it. If he hadn’t saved Geralt’s daughter, they likely wouldn’t be in this situation.

But Jaskier won’t have it any other way. Daughter or not, Jaskier doesn’t regret saving Ciri. Not at all. He may only know the child for less than a month, but he already loves her like his own, and that notion should terrify Jaskier. It really should, but for some unfathomable reason, it feels completely natural. As easy as breathing.

Although he and Geralt still have so much to talk about - goodness, there’s so much baggage between them that needs to be unpacked and addressed - Jaskier finds that he doesn’t mind spending this time getting to know his soulmate’s family. Aside from Ciri, he’s already met Lambert and Eskel, Geralt’s foster brothers who also drop in to visit him a few times a week. Jaskier likes them, likes their crude sense of humor and enjoys their company even when he doesn’t feel like chatting.

Then there’s Vesemir, who happens to be Geralt’s uncle or whatever, and isn’t that a fucking shock? Jaskier initially didn’t know whether to be horrified or amused when the president of the university he works at visited him to wish him a speedy recovery. In the end, Jaskier takes it in stride and thanks the old man for his well wishes.

How has this become his life now? Will wonders never cease?

“- and Uncle Lambert said I should watch Monsters, Inc. next after The Emperor’s New Groove because he said I remind him of Boo,” Ciri continues to chatter, the adorable five-year-old making herself at home by Jaskier’s uninjured side.

Jaskier listens to her attentively, while looking up every now and then at Geralt, the Anthropology professor currently balancing his laptop on his knees as he slowly types.

It’s the sixth, or probably seventh, time that Jaskier looks up when he meets Geralt’s golden eyes already trained on him. There’s that familiar jolt that runs down his spine when their gazes meet, and Jaskier raises a brow at him.

Geralt’s lips quirk upwards into a semblance of a smile, and Jaskier feels his heart stutter against his chest when his soulmate quietly mouths, “Hi.”

Jaskier tries to fight off a smile but fails rather dismally.

“Hi,” he mouths back before shifting his attention back to Ciri, who’s now chattering about her morning at the daycare.

All at once, it feels like the end and beginning of something new.

~

“Gods, I miss playing my lute,” Jaskier grumbles to himself a few nights later.

Ciri is fast asleep beside him, the adorable child already drooling on his shoulder but he doesn’t mind it in the least bit. They watched two movies and had dinner plus dessert, so Jaskier feels a little spoiled.

“Your what now?” Geralt asks, and Jaskier nearly jolts Ciri awake, almost forgetting that there’s another occupant in the room.

He recovers quickly and leans back against the fluffy pillows.

“My lute,” he repeats. At Geralt’s blank stare, Jaskier huffs out a laugh and continues. “It’s a medieval instrument that bards used to play. I learned to play it back in uni - I minored in Music, by the way - and I just… I just love it. And I miss playing it.”

“Oh,” Geralt says after a while. “I never knew you played.”

If Jaskier’s smile comes off a little bitter, Geralt thankfully doesn’t mention it.

“We both don’t know a lot about each other, I’m afraid,” he says.

“Hmm.”

Jaskier snorts. “Well, except for that.”

Geralt doesn’t say anything after that, so they spend the next several minutes in silence. It’s comfortable, for a change, and Jaskier doesn’t mind breaking the quiet with inane chatter. While he enjoyed watching children’s movies with Ciri, he’s easily exhausted, still in the midst of recuperating from his extensive list of injuries. A major head concussion is no joke, but at least Jaskier can sleep peacefully these days.

He’s staring aimlessly at the ceiling and thinking about what he’ll do first when he’s eventually discharged when he hears Geralt clear his throat.

“I was afraid,” Geralt starts when Jaskier turns his head to meet the older man’s eyes. At Jaskier’s puzzled frown, Geralt clears his throat again and explains. “That day, when you told me we were soulmates… I panicked.”

Oh, so they’re finally going to talk about it now. While his soulmate’s daughter is lightly snoring and drooling on Jaskier?

Okay, then.

“That’s some way to panic,” Jaskier teases, but it falls a little flat. He notices Geralt wince, and Jaskier inwardly curses himself because it’s not the time to make jokes right now. “I’m sorry,” he quickly adds. “I didn’t mean it like that. Please continue, I won’t interrupt.”

Geralt blinks, looking surprised. Jaskier smiles at him and decides to wait patiently for him to speak. It doesn’t take long.

“I don’t have a good track record when it comes to relationships,” Geralt begins, his voice quiet and gruff so as not to wake his daughter. He’s not meeting Jaskier’s gaze. Instead, it’s trained on Jaskier’s fingers that’s carefully playing with Ciri’s blonde curls. “Ask my brothers, ask Yennefer, and they’ll gladly tell you of my failed relationships. Don’t know why, but I was more prone to burning bridges than maintaining them.”

Jaskier feels his heart break, and it takes every ounce in him to not reach out to take Geralt’s hand in his because he’s afraid the other man won’t welcome his touch. So Jaskier bites his cheek and keeps silent, and keeps his hands to himself. He continues to wait in silence, willing to be patient for Geralt because it’s clear to see now that his soulmate is struggling with his words.

And he knows better now, too, that Geralt needs this moment to unpack everything that’s been left unsaid between them all these years.

“When Ciri was born, I felt like I finally had purpose,” Geralt continues. “Her mother didn’t want anything to do with her, so Fiona left her in my care and never looked back. I was fine with it, didn’t mind taking on the responsibility of caring for Ciri. She’s my kid, after all, and it’s an honor to raise her. I thought, since I hadn’t met my soulmate at the time, that everything would be fine. And it was fine for a couple of years. Then I met you.”

At this, Geralt finally looks up from studying Jaskier’s deft fingers to meet his cornflower blue eyes. There’s that oh-so familiar jolt, and for the first time in three years, Jaskier allows himself to bask in the remarkable feeling.

“Then you met me,” Jaskier repeats with a small, sad smile. “And I went and made a fool of myself.”

Geralt emphatically shakes his head.

“No, you didn’t,” he says firmly. “I was an idiot.”

“No, I was the idiot.”

“Let’s agree to disagree, then.”

“In retrospect, I probably made things difficult for you,” Jaskier says with a half-shrug. “So I’m really sorry, Geralt. I think I was pretty tactless with my approach.”

Geralt smiles ruefully at him. “My reaction is what caused us to have a falling out.”

Jaskier opens his mouth then closes it with a thoughtful hum.

“I suppose,” he says, then he glances up from studying Ciri’s peaceful face to look at Geralt with a slight tilt of his head. “Why did you react that way, though? I thought… well, I thought you hated me. Hated the concept of soulmates.”

“I could never hate you,” Geralt cuts him off with a sincere look.

Jaskier gapes at him for a few seconds.

“I, well. You said--”

Geralt swiftly interrupts him once again.

“I remember,” he discloses with a grimace. “I’m not proud of it. I was selfish, Jaskier, and I’m sorry.”

“Alright,” Jaskier says with a patient smile. “You’re sorry, but for what? Telling me the truth? Rejecting me?”

His voice trails off when Geralt shakes his head.

“No, no. None of that.” At Jaskier’s puzzled frown, Geralt sighs and rubs the back of his head. “When I met you, I was terrified at how you made me feel. I felt… wrong-footed, I think? And when you told me we were soulmates, it just made the whole thing more… threatening.”

“Threatening how?”

“Ciri is my number one priority. Sure, she has Vesemir and her uncles, and Yennefer, but I’m her dad. My purpose, my… everything I do is for her, Jask, and you have to understand. Please understand, that when you told me we were soulmates, it felt like everything I worked so hard for would come crashing down. Because here was another person who… matters to me more than I could understand at the time. I was… scared… that if I acknowledged our bond, and accepted you, that it would make Ciri feel like I wasn’t prioritizing her. That she was no longer my number one.”

“Because then you’d have to focus all your time and energy on me,” Jaskier finishes, finally understanding where Geralt is coming from. “And on us. Because it takes a couple of months to solidify the bond.”

“Yes.”

Geralt nods, and he looks like there’s a huge weight that’s lifted from his shoulders. Like he’s been carrying this weight for the past three years or so.

Jaskier breathes in and slowly exhales through his nose. He, too, feels like there’s a huge weight that’s been lifted off his chest. Like he and Geralt are finally on the same page.

Well, almost.

“Geralt, I want you to listen to me closely because I’m going to say this once.”

Geralt nods, golden eyes intense as he waits for Jaskier to continue. This time, Jaskier takes a chance and reaches for his soulmates clasped hands. To his immense surprise, Geralt’s fingers curl around his, as if they’ve been doing it for years instead of for the first time.

“I will never fight for your attention, because Ciri will always be your number one. I’m confident in saying that because, believe it or not, I absolutely adore your daughter to bits.” They exchange smiles at that, each turning to look at Ciri sleeping peacefully between them. Jaskier clears his throat and continues. “I’m sorry that you felt like you had to choose between us. If that was the impression I gave you, then I beg for your forgiveness because it honestly wasn’t. I promise you, Geralt. I promise you that Ciri will also be my top priority.” He shakes his head when Geralt is about to open his mouth. “No. If we’re doing this, Geralt, then I want to be involved. I want to be a part of Ciri’s life, not just yours.”

“I can’t ask you of this, Jaskier,” Geralt professes.

“I know you’re not asking,” Jaskier says with a good-natured eye roll. “That’s why I’m offering, silly.”

Something in Geralt breaks because his shoulders sag. He stares unbelievably softly at Jaskier, golden eyes tender with emotion.

“Jaskier,” Geralt says, awe in his tone.

Thinking that he literally has nothing left to lose, Jaskier moves his hand from grasping Geralt’s to cupping his cheek. He feels his soulmate lean into his touch, and Jaskier knows right then and there that they’re going to be alright.

“We both have baggage,” Jaskier tells him once their gazes lock once more. “And we still have so much to talk about. But I’m in this for the long haul, Geralt. You’re my other half, and I’m yours.”

“I’m yours,” Geralt repeats, and he sounds like he’s starting to believe it.

When he leans over to press soft, dry lips to Jaskier’s slightly chapped ones, Jaskier lets himself believe it, too.

They’re going to be alright.

[bitchloveskcbaseball]

Sneak Peek Monday

@burnsoslow tagged me yesterday for Six Sentence Sunday ... but I was in a football induced ... funk which I am 100% blaming the doubts I was having on LMAO so I didn’t get this out on Sunday. Plus I’m pretty sure that this is gonna be longer than six sentences ... so I’m just gonna go with sneak peek this time 🤣🤣🤣

Anyway ... now that I’ve rambled for literally no reason ... the actual reason for this post ...

I’ve actually done a (very, very) small bit of writing. I am actually super excited about it (especially with some awesome encouragement from burns cuz she’s freaking AMAZING!!!) And it’s me venturing into writing for a different fandom -- The Wayhaven Chronicles -- which has me simultaneously super hyped and super freaked out 🤣 Just a heads up, it is set just past the end of the Book 3 demo and there are going to be at least a few references to events that take place during those chapters. Oh and because this is me, here is the obligatory warning for language in this (yes ... even in the excerpts I can’t help myself lmao) Annnd I’m rambling again, so ... here we go! ?? lol

ok ok ok Also!!! this is my first real attempt at writing any of these characters (and it is still really early in working on this) so ... apologies if anyone seems out of character!

Chainsaw 

Pairing: Mason x f!Detective Katalynn Raye (even if these two dorks haven’t realized it yet lol)

“Well … I went to check on her. She had a helluva day. I mean, it started before she even woke up and – “

A hand coming to rest on his shoulder cut off his rambling and he knew without looking up – when did I look down? – that it was Nate. “Felix. Take a breath.”

“And get to the point.”

“Adam!”

Rather than respond to the lengthy lecture hidden inside that one word, Adam merely turned his head slightly away from the other two in the room, allowing Nate to return his attention to Felix. Sensing the unease in him, Nate murmured softly, “You don’t need to be nervous. You can always talk to us. About anything.”

“I … I know that. I do. It’s just that … I don’t want to get her into trouble. I’m just … I’m really worried that she is already in trouble.”

********* skipping ahead lol **********

“The fuck are you doing?”

Under normal circumstances, she’d have just been pissed that someone had successfully snuck up on her. These, however, were far from normal, considering she had just managed to get her hands around the handle of large and awkwardly-weighted chainsaw that had been situated on the top shelf. It took every single ounce of self-control and upper body strength that she possessed not to drop the damn thing on her head as she startled at the low almost-growl. So much so that it took far longer than it should have for recognition to dawn on her.

When it did, however, she swung around with the chainsaw pointed straight at her uninvited guest, a sharp bolt of fury ripping through her entire body and lacing every single syllable as she hissed, “Jesus, Mason! I nearly dropped this on my fucking head!”

~~~~~

This was longer than I normally would, but I couldn’t help myself lol (wanted you to have something new to read burns! 😁) If you’ve made it this far, THANK YOU!!!

I debated whether to tag anybody ... but like I said ... I’m excited and kinda curious about what some other TWC fans think about this so far (sorry if you didn’t want to be tagged!!!)  Also I have no idea who else hasn’t done something like this yet this week ... so if you see this and want to do it, consider this your tag! 😊

tags: @agentnatesewell​ @mvalentine​ @anotherbeingsworld​

[a-simple-imagine]

Look Pretty

Requested by anonymous: “Would you please write something with Hermione x reader where they are at slug horns party and the reader is trying to help Hermione escape Cormac and the two are dancing around their feelings for each other or something?”

Pairing: Hermione Granger x fem!reader

Words: 4k

A/N - I’m not sure how i feel about this one tbh but I hope you enjoy it

You had never been one for parties; large social gatherings where people just stood around and talked? What exactly was fun about that. You'd much rather spend your evening in the common room but alas you find yourself stood before a full-length mirror inspecting your outfit for any imperfections. It was considered a privilege to be invited to Slughorn's Christmas party; it was only for esteemed guests and high achieving students. Each student was also supposed to bring a date; this could be anyone the student saw fit. High achiever or not. After some convincing from Hermione, you had agreed to attend the party but now your nerves had you feeling like you could throw up. Outfit number five was beginning to look worse by the second and you wanted nothing more than to just snuggle up in your bed. Y/E/C eyes stare back at you and a defeated sigh slips past your lips. How you wished Ginny or Hermione were here to fight your doubts with their uplifting compliments. Maybe you should change? The first outfit you tried on had been nice.

"How much longer are you going to be?" An impatient Harry Potter calls out to you; it was surprising that his voice carried so well from the common room. Then again, it was rather quiet this evening. With one final glance over your chosen items of clothing, you reluctantly commit to outfit number 5. With a quick spray of something flowery as a finishing touch, you descend the stairs to join your fellow wizard.

"Calm down, Harry. I didn't know you were in such a rush."

"I'm not," He turns around just as you reach the bottom step, his smile beginning to fade. "I just never expected you to take so long- you look nice."

"Really?" You look over yourself with a grimace. It didn't feel nice. "I'm not too sure I like it anymore. Maybe I should have worn something else."

"I honestly think you look lovely," He assures you with the kindest of smiles. Such a genuine boy, you have no reason to doubt him.

"Then thank you," It was hard not to feel a little embarrassed. "You look... rather dashing yourself, Mr. Potter," His dress robes were nothing to write home about but they suited him well; sleek black paired with a reddish shirt and a black bow tie.

"Shall we head out?" Harry holds out his arm in offering to which you gladly accept. Looping your arm through his before leaving the Gryffindor common room together.

It was a pleasant evening as the two of you wandered through the corridors. The quiet corridors a stark contrast to the normal hustle and bustle of Hogwarts School for witchcraft and wizardry. You rather liked how peaceful it seemed. The looks of strangers, on the other hand, you didn't appreciate. Don't these students have better things to do?

"So who did you end up inviting to the party?" Harry asks, relieving you of your increasing self-consciousness that came with the silence.

"No one," Your first choice hadn't been available so why bother with another. It just seemed like an unnecessary task. "Everyone had dates already- Who did you ask?"

You knew whoever it was they were just a substitute for who he really wanted to go with. Otherwise, he probably wouldn't have agreed to let you tag along. "Luna,"

"Loony Lovegood?" It was a nickname that often drifted around the castle for the unique Ravenclaw. And not always with the nicest intentions but she welcomed it like it wasn't supposed to be an insult which you found rather intriguing. "interesting choice."

"I wasn't sure who to ask, honestly." He defends his choice. Harry Potter was the chosen one, he could have invited just about any girl to this party and they probably would have said yes. Not to mention that you had overheard that Romilda Vane was hoping he would ask her. She's basically obsessed with him. "And she's my friend so why not?"

"Oh it wasn't an insult- I actually adore how weird she is," Perhaps Harry had been wise to bring his eccentric friend; she'd surely liven up any dull party with her unique tales. "She's like the perfect dinner guest."

You look to him from the corner of your eye wondering what exactly he is thinking. You probably would have asked him if he hadn't already arranged to go with Luna. "You should have just asked Hermione," Harry says after a moment bringing a sour taste to your mouth. Your relationship with Hermione could be easily summed up in one word; Complicated. She was one of your best friends and you wouldn't change that for the world but you also couldn't deny that you had begun harbouring feelings for her as well. "She would have said yes."

With a heavy sigh, you let your arm drop from around his. From the moment you heard about the Christmas party, you had been under the assumption that you'd go with Hermione But when the time came to actually ask her, Harry informed you that she had a date already. Which was fine. She was allowed to go with whomever she likes. "How do you know?"

You hadn't expected to sound so bitter but it couldn't be helped. His shoulder bumps against yours and you weren't sure if it was intentional or not. "Call it a feeling."

"You know what potter? I don't remember asking for your opinion," you huff defensively, storming off just a few steps ahead. "You can't talk anyway- why isn't Ginny your date tonight?"

"Why would Ginny be my date?" You have to stop yourself from laughing. He couldn't be serious. Anyone with half a brain could figure out that he had a thing for the Weasley girl and honestly who could blame him; Ginny was a talented young witch, very smart and beautiful.

"It doesn't take a genius to work out you have a thing for her." You continue with a roll of your eyes. "I know it. Hermione and Ron know it. Everyone knows it- even slug club thanks to you making a fool of yourself during that dinner party."

"I didn't make a fool of myself."

"You did though," You chuckle, thinking back to the night in question. It was a slug club dinner party and Ginny had shown up late. She may as well not have come at all considering you were eating dessert by the time she arrived. Hermione suggested it was because of Dean and you wouldn't be surprised if that was true. "You basically leapt out of the chair, Harry. It was really awkward to watch."

"I was just being polite," You highly doubted that. "And she is with Dean anyway so I suspect they'll be attending together."

"I guess... Dean's cute but Hermione says they're always fighting," Extra emphasis on the always. It wasn't really any of your business but as a close personal friend to the youngest Weasley, it was hard not to get involved. "You two, however," you glance towards the chosen one in all his glory. You come to a stop before him, adjusting his crooked tie so it sat perfectly straight. "Would make quite the pair."

All talks of crushes were lost among the wind as you rounded the corner almost crashing into the young Ravenclaw that stood waiting patiently. Catching yourself before the collision, you take a few steps back. "Hey Luna," Her outfit could not scream Luna Lovegood more if it tried; it was silver and reflective. "Don't you look... shiny."

"Thank you," Had you meant that as a compliment? You weren't too sure but she took it as one. Falling behind, you listen to Luna’s ramblings during the short walk left to Slughorn's office. The ceiling and walls had been draped with emerald, crimson and gold hangings which resembled a tent. There were way too many people here for your liking which made it awfully hot and stuffy. You almost instantly found yourself alone within the crowd feeling terribly awkward.

When with friends like Harry, Ron and Hermione, you could talk forever given half the chance. But being put into a situation surrounded by complete strangers and you'd freeze up; it was hard talking to people you either didn't know at all or only saw in passing. Hiding away in the corner of the room, you search the room for someone you knew. You spotted Neville walking around offering drinks to the guest from his silver Tray. Ginny was halfway through a conversation with Dean; thankfully she seemed to be smiling. Meanwhile, Snape was looking very bored as Slughorn drones on about one thing or another. You never expected to see Snape here but apparently he had been a past member of the Slug Club. No surprise there considering he went on to teach potions. After what felt like a lifetime of standing awkwardly on the sidelines, you finally spotted Mr. Potter just outside the makeshift walls. "I told you not to leave me alone with these people," You whisper-yell as you push the fabric aside. Harry seems surprised by your sudden interruption but all attention has turned to his companion. It was none other than Hermione Granger in a little pink dress; she looked beautiful even as she shoved something into her mouth. "What are you two doing?"

"Hermione is hiding from Cormac," Harry answers, signalling towards the other girl with a flick of his wrist.

"McLaggen? That's who you came with?" Cormac McLaggen, in your less than favourable opinion, was as sleazy as they come. He had shown interest in Hermione but she had never shown any in return. So why had she chosen him over you?

"I didn't have a lot of other options," you share a look with Harry who looked almost sympathetic towards the situation. He was the only one who knew that you had planned to ask her and was also the one to crush your dreams. "Oh god, he's coming over here," She quickly reaches for your hand which brings heat rushing to your cheeks. "Come with me,"

Following her lead, you crouch down and allow her to drag you back into the crowd leaving Harry to deal with McLaggen. "Why are you here with him if you don't even like him?"

"Because he actually asked me." Her words felt like they were directed at you but maybe you were just trying to make something out of nothing. You wanted to tell her that you had planned to ask her from the start but you don't. Now safely on the other side of the room, her hands slip away from yours. "But he's so bothersome. I don't think I can put up with it much longer."

It was her fault but again you keep that to yourself. "Why did you drag me along? I'm not trying to avoid him."

"As a distraction so look pretty." Look pretty? Before you can ask what exactly she meant by that, her hands are against your arms, spinning you around quickly to face a rather irritated McLaggen. This didn't feel right but it was too late to pretend you hadn't seen him now.

"What am I supposed to say?" Your whispers for advice are ignored or more accurately unheard. This conversation was destined to be very awkward.

"Where'd she run off to now?" He comes to a stop before you, running his hand through his dusty blonde hair.

"Who?" He had obviously meant Hermione. But it seemed you were running on autopilot as the word drifted off your lips before you even had a chance to think. He probably thought you were rather idiotic now but then again did you care what this slimeball thought about you?

"Your friend?"

You swallow a lump in your throat. Guess the plan now was to continue playing dumb in hopes of him giving up. With your bottom lip wedged between your teeth, you pause in thought for just a moment. "You mean Harry?"

"I'm obviously talking about Granger? She was just with you?"

"Was she?" Surveying the room, you pretend to search for the girl in question. Luckily enough she was nowhere to be found so your act must look rather convincing.

"So where did she go?"

"Who?" Fighting back a smile, your attention returns to McLaggen; his growing annoyance was evident in the creases forming across his forehead. If it had been anyone else, you'd probably feel bad for them. Although, you will admit that it was rather harsh on Hermione's part to be leading him on like this instead of making her intentions clear.

"Hermione Granger?"

Your shoulders rise in a quick shrug. "I don't know what to tell ya mate."

"Nevermind- I'll find her myself." With a sharp spin, he morphs back into the crowd finally leaving you in peace. You let out a breath you didn't realise you'd been holding as the pressure to cover had been elevated.

"So where is Hermione," This time the source was none other than Harry Potter; who was now standing by your side watching the party unfold. Neville seemed to have bumped into someone who was now causing quite the stir.

"No clue, she ran off somewhere," Stopping a waiter as they pass by, you take a small glass off his silver tray. The contents were golden yellow and you weren't quite sure what it was exactly.

"I don't understand why she agreed to come with him anyway." Sure, he had asked her but that didn't mean she was required to say yes. That had been her own choice which no longer made sense considering she was actively running away from him.

"Who knows," Harry muses aloud. "maybe it's because Cormac doesn't try to hide his interest in her."

"What's that supposed to mean?" You look to him with a scowl. You had never tried to hide your feelings for Hermione but the same could be said about trying to show them. It wasn't exactly something you went around announcing to everyone.

"Nothing," He offers you a flash of a smile as he slinks away to save himself from the upcoming argument. "If you'll excuse me."

Harry scurries away leaving you alone at the party once more. It seemed only fitting for you to take your leave now and head back to the dorms; you hadn't wanted to come in the first place. Plus you didn't feel like having to deal with Hermione and Cormac anymore. The commotion drew your attention for a moment but with a heavy sigh, you head for the exit. Why on earth would Draco Malfoy of all people gate crash such a lame party?

"Thank you," Remnants of your drink now spilt down your chin as you coughed in surprise. Hermione Granger has suddenly appeared once again bringing with her an aura of sweetness.

"Don't- do that," you swat her arm playfully, wiping away your flavoured drool. "You- almost- killed me."

"You're being a little dramatic," a gentle smile paired well with a roll of her eyes. "What did you tell him?"

"Cormac? I decided to play dumb and act like I had no clue."

"Must have been rather easy for you then," You raise a brow; was that a joke?  

"You do realise that agreeing to be his date, has probably given him the wrong idea?" You muse, placing the now empty glass down. It was feeling sticky between your fingertips, "And as his date, you shouldn't be running away from him. It's awfully rude, miss Granger."

"I had to bring someone," Hermione looked away from you, a heavy sigh drifting into the crowd. It seemed whatever had happened regarding Draco had sorted itself out. "And he just so happened to ask me."

"You can't avoid him forever," You wonder where the man in question has wandered off to. He couldn't have gone far. Catching Luna Lovegood's gaze for the first time since arriving, she gave you a little wave.

"That's part of the problem."

"Maybe you shouldn't have come with him in the first place, Hermione." You insist sharply, glancing back at her. "You always had other options."

Had you not spoken about the party beforehand than perhaps you wouldn't be filled with such bitterness.

"I would have said yes," Hermonie gently takes your hand in hers. Her thumb dancing delicately over the back of your hand; your entire body seemingly relaxes. "If you asked me, I mean."

Her words felt invasive; as if she had somehow managed to read your mind. Recoiling from her touch, you step away. Crashing into a rather tall lady with deep dark brown hair. She shoots you a less than favourable look before moving on. "Who said I even wanted to ask you?"

"Harry," Seems Mr. Potter had decided to try and play Cupid where he wasn't wanted. You make a mental note to talk to him about it later.

"You could have asked me," you throwback sourly. "Instead you chose McLaggen- someone you don't even like," A harsher tone but you remain quiet in order to avoid drawing unwanted attention. Heading for the exit, Hermione trails after you like a little lost puppy. Why couldn't she just leave you alone? "Maybe next time you should stop playing games."

"Who did you come with?" Hermione asks softly. It's almost drowned out among the noise. 

"No one." Your head drops. "I thought about asking Ron but he was busy with Lavender." The sound of the party grew distant as you stepped into the empty hallway. "Stop following me 'mione, go back to the party."

"I'd rather stick with you," Hermione brushes up beside you, falling in line. It was cooler out here and you were grateful for it.

"What about McLaggen?"

"All the more reason to leave," An uncomfortable silence falls over the two of you as you head back to the dorms. You never realised how eerie this place was when it wasn't full of students.

"Did you know Lovegood sleepwalks?" A harmless question to fill the void. "So she sleeps with shoes on although I think slippers would be the smarter choice."

"What?"

"She's an odd one," you smile softly at her. "But interesting,"

Speak of the devil, Miss Lovegood rushes past the two of you. Her dress twinkling in the moonlight.

"Heading back too, Luna?" You call out bringing her to a stop. The blonde turns back to the two of you.

"I am," She nods offering up a tiny smile as she waits for you to catch up. If it wasn't already awkward before it definitely was now. Nobody was speaking to each other so it was just like some weird silent adventure back to the dorms.

"Did you enjoy yourself, Luna?"

"It was alright," The blonde responds quietly. "I did manage to lose Harry a lot."

"Typical Potter," you shake your head in disapproval. "I was thinking..." You bump your shoulder against Luna's. "we should have tea together sometime?"

"Tea?" She muses out loud, "That sounds lovely."

"Great. I will send you an owl," Then Luna just up and turns down the corridor to your right. That wasn't the way to the Ravenclaw common room but maybe she wasn't heading back? With a little wave, you watch her skip away.

"You can be quite forward it seems,"

"What?" Your brows furrow.

"I just don't understand why you didn't ask me? We could have gone as friends?"

"I don't see why you're so mad at me when you're the one who had a date," you fight back.

"You're so oblivious,"

"Enlighten me then,"

The girl comes to an abrupt stop making you slow down. Turning to face Hermione, she seems unable to meet your gaze. "I wanted to ask you but I heard that Zabini was going to,"

"Zabini?" Never, in a million years, would you have thought that Blaise Zabini was interested in you. It was not a bad thing; Blaise was very cool and mysterious but also like too cool for you. Way too cool. "I wonder why he didn't."

"You would have said yes?"

"Better than going alone." You shrug a little.

"There you go then," Hermione huffs, storming past. Was she angry at you for considering another date when she herself attended the party with someone else? "Next time you need a date, go with him."

"Passive-aggressive much,"

"Forget I said anything,"

It was a silent walk back to the common room other than the moment Hermione had to say the password for you to get inside. The problem now was that you happened to share a dorm room with Hermione so there was no way to escape her judgemental eyes. After getting changed, you decided it's best to just retire for the night.

"I would have liked to have attended with you this evening had you actually asked me," Hermione expresses quietly. "When you didn't, I made other arrangements."

"I don't understand why I have to be the one to ask?" You respond. "You're perfectly capable of doing it. And besides, you didn't have to go with McLaggen, Hermione. That was a choice so you clearly didn't want to go with me that badly."

"You can't be serious," She groans loudly. "Why should I have to go dateless because you can't be bothered to ask me unless you don't have any better options."

"That's not even accurate," you growl back. "You're just making stuff up now."

"Will you two shut up," Ginny Weasley interrupts, leaning against the doorway. 

Heels held in her hands suggesting she had also just returned. "Everyone can hear you arguing."

"It's-" Ginny glares at you; shutting you up. Falling against your bed, Hermione sits upon her own as the youngest Weasley enters the room. "It's not fair that you insist on playing games and then get mad at me."

"It's not fair that you're mad at me because I found another date when you didn't ask me,"

Ginny sighed loudly. "Hermione. She didn't ask you because by the time she worked up the courage you already had a date. She was always going to ask you, she just thought you'd wait for her." Then her eyes fall to you, she looks very unimpressed. "Hermione on the other hand, heard you'd be attending with Zabini and so she was planning to make you jealous by going with McLaggen okay? you both like each other so either sort this out and go to bed or go argue somewhere else."

Ginny leaves you alone with Hermione and neither of you seems to know what to say. You were just a little surprised she would go out of her way to make you jealous, it seemed a little childish which wasn't her style. "Who knew Ginny could be so scary?"

The two of you share a smile which transforms into gentle and very quiet laughter. "You were scared to ask me?"

"I wouldn't say scared just... I didn't know if I had to ask officially. I kinda just expected us to go together but then Harry said you had a date." You shrug, fiddling with your hands. "You tried to make me jealous?"

"Don't," Hermione buried her face in her hands. How sweet she was. "I'm embarrassed enough."

"I still think you should have asked me," you lay down against your bed, snuggling against the sheets. "But I'll make you a deal. Next time I need a date, we shall go together okay? No matter what it is, you will always be my first choice."

"Alright, deal," you try to look at her but it's hard from your position. Listening as she climbed into her bed and switches off the light.

"You looked really pretty tonight."

"Thank you," she mumbles. "As did you."

[hanniiesuckle17]

Hypothetically

A/n: I hope you all enjoy this! Ive never written something like this so I’m hoping I did this respectfully (so sorry if this is a little short)

Word Count: 1.4K

Warnings: mentions of sexual abuse/rape

Requested: by anonymous 

Tag List: @distrikt9​ @mini-meanhoe​ @poeticallyspaghetti​ @hanstagrams​ @desertofdessert​ @hoes4hoseok​ @yangomangos​ (Tag List is Open)

Summary: Chan is the best boyfriend. But, some things you just can’t talk about. When you finally confront Chan about a secret about your past you’ve been keeping you have no idea how he’ll react. 

Genre: angst, fluff, romance

❉

There was no reason to be anxious. Chan was wonderful. He was more than wonderful. He was....he was Chan. I had never met someone like him. Someone caring, and loving, and understanding. We had only been dating for eight months but it felt like I had been with him for years. 

I had forgotten being in a relationship could feel this good. I had been avoiding them for so long after...what had happened before. Chan never pushed me. He always seemed to pick up on cues I didn’t know I was giving. But, there was always this doubt in the back of my mind. 

Eight months. By now, in any relationship, a man would be expecting much more than simply nights shared together. I was too scared to give him even that. Chan never showed or hinted that he was impatient or that he wanted to sleep with me. In fact, I don’t even think the subject had ever been brought up. There was no doubt in my mind he was waiting for it though. 

There was no way he had the working parts of a man and he wasn’t getting the urge to jump on top of me after eight months. 

It wasn’t that I didn’t want to sleep with Chan. I did. Very much. The man was essentially walking sex looking like he did all the time. But, giving him that, would mean me being vulnerable in a way I wasn’t sure I was ready to do again.

My car came to a stop at the back of JYP Entertainment. Throwing it into park I looked up at the building. My nerves were twisting themselves into tightly wound knots. There is no way I would know how Chan felt if I didn’t ask him. 

I thought the drive from my apartment to the studio would be enough time to figure out what I was going to say to my boyfriend. But, here I sat. The perfect definition of an idiot; staring up at the menacing building waiting for it to sprout legs and chase me down the streets of Seoul. 

“Come on,” 

My words did not help the tightness growing in my chest. Memories I had pushed down were beginning to resurface. Instinctively my hands flew to my neck as if trying to pry off the hands wrapped around it. The hands of a ghost I had long since thrown out of my life. 

“Breathe. Just breathe.” I whispered. My fingers wrapped around my wrist, searching for my pulse. A steady but quick beat thumped against my fingers. After taking another deep breath, I opened the door and got out of the car. 

Hands shaking, I swiped the ID card Chan had given me about a month ago. The loud buzz of the door pulled me further away from the painful thoughts I chose to leave in my car.

My feet carried me on the familiar path to the small studio where I tended to spend any free moment I had these days. It was weird being in the building in the day time. I wasn’t used to nodding at people in the hall as I walked to Chan’s studio.

Music floated through the closed door at the end of the hall. Heartbeat pounding in my ears I reached for the door pushing it open. His head turned at the sound,  a bright smile filled his face. His long fingers pushed down the headphones to rest around his neck

“Y/n! What’s up baby girl?”

My purse landed on the couch behind him. “I need your advice.” Chan blinked a few times, but turned and gave me his full attention. In hopes of releasing some of my nervous energy, I began pacing in the small room. “So, I have this friend,” I started.

Chan nodded watching me pace with a gentle smile. “Is this your friend from class?” He asked sitting back in his chair. I stopped and looked at him, before continuing my pacing at a slower speed. 

“Uhh...no. Different friend. Her name is-uh...Mia...” My eyes looked at Chan to see if he noticed anything. He still seemed interested and none the wiser. “Anyway, uh, Mia- She has this boyfriend. His name is... Chris....stian. His name is Christian.” Chan nodded and watched me lean against the wall.

My hands fiddled with the hairband on my wrist, still needing something to do. “But, they’ve been together for almost a year. She was telling me she was really nervous because she hasn’t you know...slept with him yet. And I- Mia...thinks that Christian even though he never says it, is just waiting for her to let him sleep with her.”

“So, what’s the problem again?” Chan asked with a little laugh. His dimples made an appearance, making my heart skip a beat. 

“See the thing is she hasn’t been intimate with anyone for a really long time. It’s not like she’s bad at it or anything. Believe me- she’s very good. I mean. She told me, that she was good.” Chan laughed, interrupting my rambling. “But she hasn’t you know had sex in a really long time. Christian is her first boyfriend in years. It’s just that her last boyfriend wasn’t exactly....a good person.”

Again I looked to Chan. He sat, listening intently. “It was hard for her to talk about. She doesn’t want to tell him, because...she’s embarrassed and she afraid to be vulnerable. She just doesn’t want to get hurt like what happened to her the last time.” 

“What exactly happened to her that she’s so afraid to tell him or be with him? If he loves her and she loves him it shouldn’t matter.”

My cuticles suddenly became very interesting. He made a good point. Even though I had never said it, I was in fact completely in love with Chan. It was probably why I was obsessing over telling him about what happened.

“Her ex was fine when they started dating. But one night, he took it too far. She said she begged for him to stop...and he didn’t. Instead, he held her down by her neck until he was finished. She thought that it was maybe just a heat of the moment thing. Just something that would happen one time and she could forget it. Leave it as a mistake. But it happened again. And again. She would tell him to stop. He wouldn’t. He would hold her down. Hurt her when she wouldn’t do what he wanted.”

Chan stayed silent. 

“She felt like she couldn’t tell anyone. She thought, ‘it’s not rape if we’re dating right?’. It was consensual... at least in the beginning. She is just so afraid of being that vulnerable with him. She knows that he would never hurt her, but...” I shook my head, shaking myself out of the trance I had slipped into. “Mia asked me to put myself in her shoes. But, I don’t know what to do. If this was you and me...what would you do? Hypothetically.” 

I searched his eyes for any sort of thought or judgment, but he simply stared at me, hands folded in his lap. After a moment, Chan stood up and came to stand in front of me. 

“Hypothetically...I would tell you that I love you. I would never hurt you. And that you know you can always talk to me about anything.” His warm hand wrapped around mine, bringing it up to his lips. “Hypothetically,” He began again. “I would never make you do anything you don’t want to. I wouldn’t care about sex. I would care about you.”

“You really mean that?”

“Hypothetically, yes I do,” Chan said with a smile, kissing my hand again. 

I laughed, leaning my head against his chest. “When did you figure out I wasn’t talking about friends?” 

He sighed wrapping his arms around me. “It wasn’t very hard.” 

I felt safe wrapped up in his arms. “You really don’t care that we’ve been together for so long and we haven’t had sex?” Chan shrugged kissing the top of my head.

“I could care less. I respect you enough to wait until you’re ready and no earlier.” For a moment he just held me in his arms. “I’m really sorry that happened to you. I wish I had known sooner.” 

I looked up at Chan and kissed him, my hands pressing against his chest. “So, do you love me hypothetically? Or actually?” Chan smiled, holding onto me even tighter. 

“I love you. Actually.”

❉

Requests are temporarily closed, but open soon!

Masterlist

[you-cant-spell-subtext-without]

I’m back on my bullshit and we have GOT TO TALK about 13x08 The Scorpion and the Frog; which serves as a good example of why you should not ONLY watch spn episodes with Cas (partially because of that scene I shamefully blogged about earlier - no I will not link that cursed post here).  The episode title comes from a fable in which the villain is the scorpion.  Interpretations of this fable note its uniqueness lies in the concept that “the scorpion is irrationally self destructive and fully aware of it.”

To quote the scorpion, buddies -  “it’s in my nature.”

Anyway, this episode is subtextually predicated on exploring Dean Winchester’s nature and specifically - his bisexuality, and I’m not only saying that because it opens with Dean in his Bi Colors Plaid (that also he wore on his burger date with Cas).

Let’s get started, after the cut!

Season 13 on its face gives me absolute whiplash because it starts widow arc-reunion-TOMBSTONE and then Jack yeets himself off to Chuck knows where so Cas can go out Looking For Him Because Otherwise He Will Definitely Kiss Dean there is no other option for the writers at this point.  Sigh.  Here, have another shot of Dean anxiously cleaning his gun as he always does when Cas has Gone Off For Reasons -

Anyway, this feels like a filler episode at first, but as always they bury the ENTIRE damn world in it and I am here with my dossier to Unearth It.

Lets start with Bart (demon of terrible nicknames and microagressions) meeting the brothers at Smile Diner to talk about some spell or whatever. 

(I am not thinking about the Cherry Pie meta I AM NOT)

THEY HAVE THE AUDACITY to start with these lines immediately introducing the theme of duality, a thread throughout this episode.

BARTHAMUS

Everything. I've been following your careers a long time. You're a real pain in the pitchfork. And the halo. Natural disrupters. We have that in common, you and I. DEAN

Mm. Yeah, we're twinsies.

***MORE DUALITY!  But as we know, Dean does not like Bart because He Is A Freakin’ Demon

DEAN

Well, see, here's the thing. When a demon tells us to jump, we don't ask how high. We just ice their ass.

UMMM excuse me Barting Bacting Boices?  What is that sexual gaze?  

Then we find out that Bart has 1/2 of the spell.  They need the other 1/2.  Oh, a spell with two parts, you say? [ I am going to scream :) ]

***Also, Dean eats the pie Bart ordered.  I cannot begin to explain to you the state of unwellness that I am in regarding how important this is. DEAN NEVER GETS TO EAT THE PIE, remember?  But in This Filler Episode, Dean eats the pie. While Sam looks at him with a very quizzical expression.  Pie -> what Dean wants but never actually gets -> Dean actively eating this pie.  Dean is coming to terms that maybe he can have what he wants.

***I am reminding you again that this is post widower-arc, post-reunion, and especially post-Tombstone.  Anyway-

Now we get to Smash and Grab.  Not literally even though I want to Commit Such Conduct at this point.  We are introduced to two one off characters named 

Smash (human/female presenting) -  can crack any safe built by man 

and Grab (demon/male presenting)-  expert in bypassing supernatural security.

Reaching or no, you can’t disagree that when spn introduces one off characters - it is almost always a Narrative Parallel or Mirror.

So we have a human and a demon (and Dean Winchester, a human who has been a demon)

who are experts in cracking open/bypassing something that has been secured and guarded (breaking down walls, if you will).  

They also use fake names identifying them as Tools to be Used ( Dean Winchester, the Michael Sword/daddys blunt little instrument)

BONUS:

Dean himself is literally used as a tool in this episode.

So yeah.  Smash and Grab are physical representations of Dean’s duality.  Human/Demon.  Femininity/Masculinity.  Dare we say something else, too?

Anyway, Dean is paired with Smash and Grab; Sam is off to idk negotiate weird artifact purchases lawboy style with Luther Shrike, a man who cannot die so long as he never leaves his house (I cannot even begin to unpack this shit; please just sit there and think about it.  I’m not even going there here.  I CANNOT DISCUSS Luther Shrike RN).

Speaking of things I cannot discuss without halgdhsag;lsa - Smash has very Specific boots (a look overall, really).

DEAN

Hey, Winona. The '90s called. They'd like their shoes back. SMASH

Shh.

***That’s right girl - do not take his shit; he actually LOVES them and is therefore Overcompensating for it with this little jab.

***Dean’s pop culture references and particular attention to the details here Should Not Be Overlooked.  90s! Winona! Ryder!

ANYWAY, then Dean and Smash bond over a caffeinated beverage -

[While Dean is doing a spell, Smash opens a can of drink, takes a mouthful and burps loudly. ] SMASH

Ahh. DEAN

You're weird.

***This scene makes me literally insane. (even aside from Dean living on something named NERVE DAMAGE as a KID.  They could have called it anything. You’re saying this wasn’t a Choice)  

She chugs a swallow of the drink and burps.  Something stereotypically associated with masculinity.  Not feminine.  Dean’s reaction is that she is “weird” - because she is not acting in a way stereotypically, J*hn Winchester brain-rot patriarchy bullshit-tily associated with Being Female.  But also, says the stupid show, they like the same soda.  They are The Same.  She shares the soda with Dean.  HIS FACE WHEN SHE DOES -

Other similarities are addressed throughout the episode (they are working for demons because they have no choice; they don’t discuss feelings/emotions, they both sold their soul, they both This Thing - 

DEAN

You know, we could help you. SMASH

No, you can't. I gotta take care of me.

etc. etc.) Smash is absolutely dean-coded.

****Also it’s textually established that Smash thinks Dean is attractive -

GRAB

[looking at Smash] Oh. You said he was just a pretty face. SMASH 

Shh.

***But Grab flirts with him too.

DEAN

I will kill you. GRAB

I bet you say that to all the girls.

***sorry, Grab - you won’t get far with Dean, but only because as he mentioned in the beginning of this episode - 

Drowley rights.

Now Dean has to put his hand in the mouth of this stone lion thing and all of a sudden he is acting....very-not-like-Dean.

[Dean looks again and takes a deep breath.] DEAN

I… how about this? What if I cut myself, put it on, like, a little piece of paper? We'll just wad it up and throw it in the mouth, okay? Okay. 

***Dean Winchester, who has been to Literal HELL, who has been torn apart by hellhounds, who has battled the devil and angels and God’s sister - all at the expense of his own life is now - afraid of spiders.  Well, technically he has always been afraid of spiders, but why isn’t ‘he being performative about it At This Time??

***Come to think of it, this sends me right back to how Jackles was playing Dean in 12x11 Regarding Dean THE episode dissecting Dean’s performative masculinity [one day I will clean up and post that analysis sitting in my drafts like a sad hamster]. That makes sense actually, because -> -> ->

that episode and this one are both written by Meredith Glynn.  Girl get in I want to torture you affectionately with a barrage of questions.

So here we have Dean and he’s not performing for Reasons, and he’s scared he’s genuinely scared of putting his hand in this stone lion-gargoyle-pig-creature’s mouth and then -

Smash gives him a push.

She gives him a push.  I cannot stop thinking about how she gives him a push.  A push to go do this thing that he is scared of; his fear being something he was hiding under his performative masculinity. Smash - dean coded dean mirror who does not perform femininity and is ‘weird’ -  she   gives   him   a     p u s h.

***linking here for the jackting joices that follow.

Now, let’s circle back to Smash’s story; why she is working for Bart in the first place -

SMASH

You think I wanna be here? Like I have a choice? SAM

You made a deal. SMASH

Wow! You think? SAM

You sold your soul. SMASH

And if I could take it back, I would. 

there is no reason for this picture here other than I needed you to see the jackting again

***How does the story end for Smash?

DEAN

Take care of you. [Dean glances down at the box, and then at Smash. She sees that Dean has put a lighter on top of the bones.]  BARTHAMUS

Alice, chop chop! 

[Bart indicates she should get his bones]. SMASH

Yeah. [She grabs the lighter and sets Bart's bones alight. Bart screams as he bursts into flames. ] 

***She accepts help and breaks free from the narrative, literally burning it down. The female presenting but not female-performing “weird” ooc representing a side of Dean breaks FREE because she makes a choice.  The lighter Dean drops? It’s a push.  And she goes with it.

Alice reclaims her story.

(Also, Grab gets ganked.  The male presenting ooc; the performative masculinity side; the demon; the darkness; the not-humanity - gets ganked).

Guess what Dean says to Alice when they say goodbye?

DEAN

Hey, Alice. Stay weird.

[I know the peace sign is probably just a Charlie throwback but I’d still like to say duality.  Two. ]

Dean’s not just talking to Alice.  He’s talking to himself; because the walls have been breached and for once Dean isn’t as scared of being different.  Maybe, just maybe, he’s going along with the push.  That’s exactly how the episode ends - with Dean feeling a little more hopeful, a little more at peace; a little more Considering he is capable of not only loving Cas but also not hating himself for it. 

[until the knowledge that Mary is still alive and the guilt of allowing himself ANY happy thoughts instead of looking for her miserably rears its ugly head in 13x09 and round and round we go but for NOW at least -> ]

DEAN

I'll drink to that.

(oh look Dean is just wearing his henley.  It’s almost as if a layer has been peeled back).

tagging @im-shaking-like-milk​ and @deanwasalwaysbi​ for letting me ramble on to them while writing this; and @lilac-void​ because you are always so kind about my stuff :)

[stillwithkoo]

Royal Spies and Everything Nice

Summary: It's hard being a princess who's also an undercover spy, but with the help of your rival and sort of boyfrienemy Prince Jeon, maybe you'll make it through alive.

Tags & warnings: fluff, angst, some violence, just beware- jk. Rivals2luvers, some shrek characters make an appearance cos i smoke cracK das wut i smoke. Smut in the end, a lil cussing etc.

Pairing: Jungkook x Reader

Commissioned for @nochusyn 💋 tysm for being so patient ilyyy and im so happy i didn't d13 so i could finish this! Shsh xx (if y'all wanna commission me just message me here on tumblr!)

Wc: 10k+++

A/N: I almost di3d writing this so pls read it n check it out char- begging? Lol jk. But fr, I was so sick with 39.5 fevers and I didn't even know when i would finish it but I'm so happy I finally did today! This is also like a late jk bday present. Ily all and JK always! 💜

Once upon a time in the futuristic land of Royalea, a secret spy academy was made for royals to train and become professional spies. After years of suffering from invaders and having their kin kidnapped and slain by the same invader rebels, the royals wanted to put a stop to it all, they wanted to protect their children, their future heirs.

They had learned from their past mistakes and devised a plan to become stronger. They strictly trained their children at a young age to help in preparing them to face all kinds of enemies. So that when the time comes, they will be able to protect themselves. They won't be the ones cowering in fear, feeling helpless and begging for mercy at the hands of their enemies.

They will be the ones invading other lands and eradicating anyone who threatens to come in their way. That is how they innovated their land. With their newfound courage and mindset. Within just a few years of establishing the academy, they had the latest gadgets and technology the neighboring countries would envy. Their princes and princesses trained brilliant in combat. To them, it didn't make their heirs any less poised and graceful just because they knew how to fight. Those times are done, and they knew what was most important having witnessed the chaotic events that happened before.

Although most of them thought that- not everyone did. A few royals still wanted to live the traditional way, they preferred to raise their royal children by the book and with grace, as they say. They reasoned that their heirs' responsibilities were to lead a land, not play as guards. They were curious about the superb technology their land had now, but they limited their use of it. Your parents were one of those traditional royals.

The queen was about to enjoy the morning's prepared feast, when she caught you in the corner of her eye wearing a cloak heading for the door. You were probably planning to sneak out before breakfast again. "Y/N, come back here dear. You were trying to sneak out again right? Where have you been running off to these days? I hope it's not where I think it is, because I've told you not to go there-" The queen had ranted but you cut her off. "It's not where you think it is okay? But even if it was, why won't you let me go anyway? How will I be safe If I don't know how to defend myself?"

"You know why we forbid you to go to that place. You're safer here. You don't need to become a brute to be safe. That's why there are guards to protect you, you have your own knight Hoseok to protect you-" The queen rambled and explained only to be interrupted by you again. "Well I don't want to just rely on the guards and my knight, your majesty. I wanna be able to protect myself whenever and wherever. You say I'm safer here, but you can't always assure that. I don't know why you won't just let me be a-" It was the queen's turn to interrupt you, "And I don't know why you keep on insisting to disrespect and disobey me. Don't finish that sentence or you'll regret it princess. Actually, If you won't listen to me then maybe you'd be better off inside your room the whole day. Guards, please escort Princess Y/N to her room and make sure she doesn't leave the palace."

"This is so unfair! Why are you doing this to me?" You exclaimed. "You know why, my child. It's because I only want to keep you safe. I'm doing this for you so don't dare to disobey me again, or you might have to stay in your tower for a year again." The queen warned. You didn't bother to retort anymore, it was futile.

You were bored, your breakfast was sent to your room but you didn't have the appetite to eat. You were supposed to be assigned to a new mission today, it just sucks that your mother had seen you on the way out. All of it sucked. This castle you're in, your mother, (though you loved her deeply, she can sometimes be so difficult and strict.) everyone on this planet, Prince Jeon, wait… Jeon Jungkook. That's it! Maybe if his panties aren't in a twist today- maybe he can help you get out. It won't hurt to try though, so that's what you decided to do. You took your phone and messaged him.

To Agent 🐰: 9:18 am

Hey bunny I need your help.

To Agent 🦊 princess: 9:19 am

And why should I help you? 🤔

To Agent 🐰: 9:20 am

Because I'm stuck here and I can't fight you if I can't get out. So come here and get me 😜

To Agent 🦊 princess: 9:21 am

Touché. But what's the magic word princess? 😉 you need to say it.

To Agent 🐰: 9:22 am

Ughh. Fr? Fine. Pls help me my furry prince and hurryyyy.

To Agent 🦊 princess: 9:23 am

I'm otw my princess. And for the Nth time I told you I'm not a furry!

Jungkook arrived to the palace after a while, the queen was always delighted to see his presence. "Prince Jungkook, It's a pleasure to see you. If you don't mind me asking, what brings you here today?" the queen inquired. "It's a pleasure to see you too your majesty. I actually came here to see Princess Y/N, is she busy?" Jungkook said albeit knowing you were stuck in your room.

"Oh not really. Let me ask the maids to get her for you."

"Um, if you don't mind your majesty, I can just go into her room myself. If that's okay?" Jungkook asked. "Of course that's okay dear. You know where her room is right?" Jungkook nodded.

Jungkook was taking a little too long, you thought. If only you had another choice, you wouldn't conspire with that annoying prince. After a few seconds, you heard someone knocking on your door. Could it be him? "Jungkook is that you?" you inquired. "No, I'm not Jungkook miss. I'm just your friendly neighborhood spiderman." you opened the door and there stood the handsome ebony haired prince. "Spiderman your ass, what took you so long? I've been waiting here for ages!" You whined. "Sorry princess, I did try to hurry a little for you. Anyway, what's the plan?" The prince said as he sat and made himself comfortable in your bed.

"Hmm. I was thinking maybe you could convince my mother to let me go out with you today," You looked at him directly, trying to convey what your plan is with your eyes. "Even though I'm supposed to be grounded. Maybe you could tell her that we're gonna practice archery, or we're gonna conquer other lands, whatever just do your thing. As gross as it is and I don't know why but, she's quite fond of you so- help me get out of here." Jungkook stares at you and notices how your long brown wavy hair falls over your face. He always thought your hairstyle matched perfectly to your face. You were actually kind of perfect to him. But he'll never tell you that of course, even if you or someone threatened to kill him.

"And what do I get by helping you princess?" He smirked. He loved teasing you and making you irritated, he thought it was kind of cute how your face would turn red from anger after he irritated the shit out of you and when you get flustered. Everytime he teased you he couldn't help but think you were sort of cute. "You can get the satisfaction of me letting you get more points on the top spies leaderboard." You replied smartly.

"As if you'd let me do that without chewing my ear off. Please give me something that's actually factual."

"Fine. Hmm, how about me promising not to insult you for a week even if you annoy the hell out of me?" You suggested smiling a little manipulatively at him. "Eh, that's lame. How about you do me a dare and maybe I'll agree to your planposal." He retorted and smirked arrogantly. You hated when he smiled like that, he's always so cocky and just because he looked handsome as hell- not that you'll admit it out loud ever, doesn't mean you'll fall for his insufferable cute ass. Wait did you just say handsome and cute? Ew. You meant evil. Yes that's what you meant… Anyway.

"Please don't say planposal ever again," You rolled your eyes at him. "Regardless, it depends on what the dare is. If you want me to run around naked and flash the whole kingdom then that's not gonna happen baby." You told him strictly.

"Don't worry princess, as satisfying that concept is for me, I don't wanna be the cause of blindness and curse the whole land." What the heck did he mean? Did he just insult me? "Whatever, Jeon. Just tell me what you want." You demanded.

"I want you." What? Did his last tiny brain cell die and now he's talking nonsense?

"What?" you replied flustered by his weird statement.

"I want you to do this mission for me. That's my dare. Why are you flustered though? Did you think about something else?" He taunted and smirked again, It's like he never stops being cocky when he's around you.

"Of course not. I'm not delusional like you. And what mission is it that you can't seem to do it yourself? Is Prince Jeon a little scared?"

"I'm not scared. It's just no fun to do it myself when I can have my princess to do it for me. That's my condition though if you want me to help you get out of here. I'll help you escape, and you'll help me when you're out. Is it a deal?"

"Hmm, tell me what mission is it and maybe I'll agree." You proposed. "You'll know when you do it, so I'm not telling you right now. Also, I want you to do another little thing for me." He grinned evilly. You have a feeling you're gonna hate him even more for what he's about to make you do. Nevertheless you agreed, if that meant he'd help you get away from your mother today. [INSERT PIC]

You were finally able to get out of the palace thanks to Jeon Jungkook's annoying face. You don't know how he charmed your mother, but at least she bought the act that the two of you were practicing your archery skills. You got what you wanted, but at the cost of your ego. You couldn't believe you actually praised Jeon Jungkook in public and embarrassed yourself on social media. Anyhow, the two of you were now on the way to the academy riding your respective monocycles. (the ones the guys in Men in Black used to ride, if you've seen the movie.)

It didn't take long for you to arrive, and before the other royal spies could see that you two came together, you already told Jungkook to maintain some distance beforehand, and act as if you didn't just hangout awhile ago.

You parked your monocycle and just as you were about to go inside the academy, you noticed how Jeon Jungkook gathered the attention of some girls and even boys too. Maybe it was the way his hair still looked perfect and fluffy in the wind, or the way he walked so gracefully just how a prince should. Either way, you couldn't deny how popular he was. He was every prince/princess' dream guy. No one could resist him, and maybe you couldn't too, maybe that's why you loathe him a lot.

In Prince Jungkook's defense, it wasn't his fault he was born so damn beautiful. He didn't pretend that he didn't notice the stares and the attention people gave him. But he also wasn't so cocky about it. He was still quite humble if he might say, and he was a shy guy too. He didn't actually care about everyone's attention, well maybe except one. It was still confusing to him how you always thought he was cocky because he was popular, as if you weren't cocky and popular too? He wondered if you noticed the other princes gawking at you when you walk by, or the insecure princesses rolling their eyes because they can't be you. You weren't even just a princess, you were one of the best spies in the academy too.

You were practicing your knife throwing skills when you noticed a presence beside you.

"Go on continue, don't mind my gorgeous presence here." He said.

"What are you doing here Jeon? And what do you want? I'm busy," you retorted. "I just wanted to remind you about our deal princess. The mission I want you to do, it's at 1800. Just wanted you to be ready."

"I'm always ready Jeon."

"I know but you might need a good luck from me personally for this one, that's why I came to see you before you go. Good luck my princess, be safe." He said and left you wondering if the mission was truly as dangerous as he hinted.

♡

It turned out that the mission was quite harder than you expected. You had to overthrow a mad king, but not just any mad king- he was a retired superspy too. It didn't help that his army were giant killer robots, and although you've trained at a young age, it was still a little difficult to defeat them alone. You understand now why Jungkook made you do this mission, it was a trap.

That insufferable prince- he'll see when you get out of this hell hole, if you get out of here alive he'll really get his ass kicked. "Ballsacks!" you cursed as you barely dodged the laser beam the giant robot just shot at you. You were debating now if you should call reinforcements but you didn't wanna lower your pride for him even more. You didn’t wanna give him the satisfaction of knowing you're failing this mission.

Just as you thought you were gonna get crushed by one of the ginormous robots- to your surprise, the nasty thing got blown into bits.

"I knew these bubblegum bombs would come in handy someday," the voice spoke. "It's really unprofessional of you to leave your gadgets behind princess. You should be thankful I decided to bring them here to you." Of course it was the insufferable agent rabbit.

"What are you doing here Jeon?" you inquired rudely.

"What does it look like I'm doing Y/N? I'm saving your ass from getting killed." he retorted, and you were taken aback when he called you by your first name. It was a rule that agents should call each other by their codenames, you wondered if he forgot about that. "How dare you call me by my name! You know that isn't allowed. Call me by my codename you idiot, and I don't need you to save me, I can save myself thank you very much." You retorted.

"You called me by my name first! Whatever, and sure you can, you were obviously not about to get crushed just five minutes ago. I didn't even get a sincere thanks from you 'cause in case you forgot, just like how you forgot your gadgets, I saved you princess." he said snarkily. "Well, I didn't ask you to, but fine thanks a lot! I'm so grateful you saved me. Happy now?" So what if he saved your ass this time, it's not like he saved the world? And you were only in this predicament because of him anyway. This was his mission and he made you do it, maybe it was your fault for underestimating the mission hence, you only brought a few gadgets- but that's not even such a big deal. So why is he blaming you and making such a fuss about this? You really despised his ass.

"That still sounds so insincere princess, but sure I'll accept that, we have bigger robots to fry right now anyway-"

"Don't stop attacking them annihilate them fast!" The mad king exclaimed as he instructed his gigantic robots to attack the two of you even harder. You heard his minions reply and called him Agust, maybe that was his name. Jungkook and you were hiding at this point, their attacks were getting stronger and you really needed to finish this mission fast but that's still a problem for now. Luckily Jungkook thought of a plan, and he decided you should use the remaining bubblegum bombs to destroy all the massive robots, but you had to chew the gums first before blowing it on them.

You blew the last one on the king and successfully eradicated his existence for good. It was satisfying to defeat him albeit it wasn't that easy.

"Ugh, finally we can go home now." Jungkook whined. "Yeah, mayhaps I can't believe we could work as a team." You added. "A team? I did all the work though? Without me you'd probably be-" you cut him off, "Yeah sure, whatever but I still helped blow the gum bombs! Anyway, we better leave now my mother's probably worried."

"I would be too, if I had a daughter like you." he remarked. "What's that supposed to mean Jeon?" You glared at him. "Oh nothing, nothing my princess." there he goes again smirking like a cocky idiot. Gross. He didn't even stop grinning when you rode your monocycles all the way home.

~♡~

"Prince Jeon, Princess Y/N, It's late. What took you so long?" The King inquired. You were surprised to say the least that it wasn't your mother, the queen who was waiting for you when you arrived. "Sorry if I took her out so long your majesty, we decided to visit my kingdom after practicing archery and got distracted. We didn't realize the sun had already set when we were done, my apologies." Jungkook smoothly reasoned.

"It's fine, next time just don't stay out too late. Though Y/N dear, what happened to your dress? It's as dirty as a peasant! Is that how a princess should behave and carry herself? You're lucky your mother isn't here and on an emergency meeting right now, or you'll be grounded for life!" Your father added. "Dad I-" you were about to defend yourself and explain when Jungkook cut you off.

"It's actually my fault, your majesty. Please don't blame Princess Y/N. We were playing at the castle, and mayhaps we had too much fun. I apologize again, your majesty." Jungkook looked at you in a conspiring way, as if to tell you to ride along with his story. "Very well. You should stop apologizing son, accidents can happen." Wow. Your father didn't get mad at the obnoxious rabbit prince, but he got mad at you, how fracking fair. It's totally fine. You truly felt great. "Although you both should always be mindful of how you look and your actions, you are royalty after all." The king added.

"Of course dad, even though I didn't ask to be born like this…" You quipped, voice lowering a little as you finished saying it. "What did you say Y/N?" "Nothing dad, can I go eat dinner now? I'm hungry as heck. Bye Jeon, have a safe trip on the way home." You told Jungkook and were already heading to the dining area when your father decided to say something that stopped you from going there completely, "Mind your language dear, also it's truly quite late, aren't you starving Prince Jungkook?" The king inquired, staring at Jungkook to check his reaction. "Um, It's late your majesty I should be heading home, and I don't know if Princess Y/N wants me to eat with her…" You glared at him and mouthed 'What the fck Jeon? You frackin pig!' well obnoxiously he looked like a rabbit with his big bunny teeth, but the way he was acting now- he was like a starving pig. The king ignored what Jungkook said and told him, "Nonsense boy! I'm sure Princess Y/N will be delighted to have you join us for dinner. I already ate actually, but I'd love to join you both for dinner again I could get some snack- you can't always have enough snacks!" The king exclaimed enthusiastically.

"But dad-" you try to dissuade him to no avail, "No buts my lovely daughter, Prince Jungkook will be joining us for dinner. You should probably change your clothes before you eat dinner, Jungkook and I will head to the dining room first. Come along now Jungkook," The king beckoned as Jungkook followed him to the dining room. You were planning to have a peaceful dinner tonight, but of course Jeon Jungkook would ruin that as fracking always. When will he ever stop annoying you?

You went to your room begrudgingly, and changed into some casual clothes that were still appropriate for dinner but also for having an annoying guest eating with you. After a short while, you finally joined them to eat. You sat beside Jungkook and your father was at the center of the table. It wouldn't have been awkward if your father didn't start to ask obnoxious questions.

"So Prince Jeon, what have you been up to these days? Searching for potential wife candidates?" The king inquired. You glared at your father. Jungkook almost choked on a piece of steak he was eating, but he managed to answer after drinking some water. "Uh, I've been busy with my duties your majesty. Ensuring the safety of my people and thinking of ways to stop the remaining rebels. I haven't really had the time to look for potential wife candidates."

"Oh. It's good to hear that you prioritize the safety of your people Prince Jeon. But you're not getting any younger. Soon enough, you'll need a good wife to be your future queen and help you lead the kingdom. Do you have anyone in mind right now?" The king probed. "Dad- stop being so nosy." You said, annoyed and a little embarrassed. "I'm not, I'm just asking the boy if he has an idea or a person in mind to be his future queen. So do you, Prince Jeon?"

"Um- as I've said your majesty, I'm too busy to think about marriage right now. I'm still young though, so I'm not that in a hurry to get married." Jungkook replied a little uncomfortable but still respectful. "That's comprehensible. I think Y/N here," Your father said while looking at you, "is the same too."

"Although, I have someone in mind for her already." The king announced, making Jungkook feel something weird inside him. Jungkook wondered what the king meant- or who he meant? For some crazy reason, he can't imagine you marrying someone. Or someone else… Of course not that he wants to marry you! But- maybe it wouldn't be so bad at all too. "Okay, this conversation is over dad," You told the king. "We're done eating and Jungkook has to go home, so goodbye everyone I'm going to my room now." You stood up and went to your room in a hurry.

"But Y/N I'm not done talking you brat! I still haven't finished this delicious croissant-" The king quipped disappointedly. "She's quite a disrespectful brat sometimes, I wonder who she got it from- forgive my daughter Jeon."

"It's okay your majesty, I was about to leave too. I'll be going now if you don't mind-"

"Wait-" Jungkook stood up and sat again because of what the king said. "I hope you're not mad at her, she really is a little hard to handle." The king looked at him pitifully, "Oh, I'm not your majesty. Though I won't disagree with you on that statement- about her being hard to handle I mean…" he joked.

"Yes, she is quite stubborn. But I'm sure you can handle her quite well." Jungkook was confused again, what did your father mean? "I'm sorry your majesty, I don't really get what you're trying to say?" The king looked him in the eye gleefully and said, "I'm saying, I like you- for her. I think the both of you would make a perfect match." Jungkook blushed, oh. So that's what he meant.

"Don't you agree Prince Jeon?" The king teased him further. "I-... Yes I suppose so, your majesty." He shyly replied. It would be rude to disagree, or say awful stuff. "That is- if you're not secretly a couple yet, are you not?"

"No!" Jungkook replied a little too loud. "I meant- no we aren't yet your majesty. We're not secretly seeing each other…" he backtracked, calmer now. "Oh, you aren't yet. That's alright, the two of you are still young- there's still a lot of time. We're just excited for your wedding and to see our grandchildren! But all in God's perfect timing- anyway sorry for keeping you here, have a safe trip home Prince Jeon! Hopefully you'll be calling me dad soon." The king whispered the last bit as Jungkook was finally on his way out of the palace, but he still heard it to his dismay, and it didn't help in making the forming blush on his cheeks go away. The thought of getting married with you isn't so appalling to him- but having kids right away… it was weird to think about. The whole conversation was weird to think about and yet it was the most constant thing on his mind the whole night.

~💜~

You were lucky the queen was still on an important meeting as you made your way out of the palace, or so you thought- when your father, the king shouted your name in your lawn. Of course he made you go back to your room, and unless you had important things to do outside you won't be able to go out. And because of that, you resorted to call the bunny prince for help again. So now, you're waiting for him to be your knight in shining armor and take you away from the palace again. After an hour of agony, he finally arrived and managed to convince your father with a shitty excuse to let you go with him. If you weren't seeing things, you might've thought they were whispering some secret information to each other. Your parents always looked like they were so elated to see that prince in the palace. Your dad was being weird now too. Men are such eerie creatures, you thought.

"Hey Jeon. What were you whispering about to my dad a while ago?" You called to him as you rode your speedy monocycles. "What?" Mayhaps he didn't hear you, as the wind gushed too loud. "I said- nevermind." You didn't bother to ask him what they talked about anymore, maybe it didn't matter anyway. You were nearing the academy, and you parked your monocycle right away when you arrived. Not bothering to look at him and see his fangirls flocking over him again.

You were practicing with throwing your dart knives when you overheard a girl and a familiar someone talking. "Baby! You're always so hot and perfect! you're on the top spies leaderboard again, marry me please!" Her rat-like voice annoyed you, so you decided to stare at her in hopes that she'll feel a little embarrassed at least. But to no avail, she only continued her mouth breathing sentiments."I don't mean to be rude Princess Fiona, but I'm not ready to get married right now." or ever with you, Jungkook wanted to add- but he only did in his mind.

And of course, the cause of this headache inducing fiasco is no other than Prince Jungkook, why are you even surprised? Why can't they be annoying somewhere else? Probably a million miles away from you? "Oh, I don't mean right away silly. Maybe in a few weeks or months? I just know we're meant to be my prince." Gawd, you're actually praying for her future husband. Hopefully he can stand her annoying rat-ogre voice. "I'm sorry Fiona, I really think I'm not the right guy for you. Although I heard Lord Farquaad seemed to have feelings for you." Jungkook suggested. "What? Lord Farquaad? Ew, he's a midget gross. Is that why you won't marry me? Are you jealous baby? You don't have to be!" she squealed and giggled, you had to stop yourself for aiming at her face, it wasn't the knife's fault and you were against animal cruelty anyway.

"No," Jungkook sighed, she wasn't getting it. "I'm not jealous. I just think you're better off with Lord Farquaad, and I'm better with…"

"Better with who? Oh please tell me Prince Jeon who's better with you rather than I?" She seemed to look around at other girls, hoping to find the answer to her question when Jungkook still couldn't reply. She only stopped when she noticed you looking at her too, so you looked away from her and turned your attention on a laser gun that was displayed instead. You were planning to tune them out fully, when she spoke something that triggered something in you. Something you didn't quite like.

"When you said you were better off with someone else, did you mean to say you were better off with someone like Princess Y/N? Are you serious Prince Jeon? She's not even that pretty, or that great of a spy." Hearing her utter those ill-founded words made your blood boil, how dare she point out your flaws and insecurity? You were already one of the best spies, yet you still trained to be a better spy everyday, even if you being a spy was against your parents' wishes- maybe that's why you couldn't control your next actions- you threw one of the dart knives at her direction.

Lucky for her, it missed her face by a centimeter. Actually, if you wanted to hit her you could've, but you just wanted to shut her up. And shut her up you did. She was too shocked to speak at first, too in awe at what happened. Until she regained her senses and confronted the perpetrator. "You! Y/N how dare you try to impale my face with that dirty knife! My father will hear about this!" she pointed at you looking mad and ogre-like at the same time.

"Oh stop being too dramatic Fiona, maybe it was an accident, I'm sure Y/N didn't mean to throw it at you." Jungkook said glancing your way, though it looked more like he was trying to save your ass rather than comfort the ogre like princess. "But I did though Jungkook. I meant to aim it at her to shut her up," You replied looking Fiona directly in the eyes. "See Jungkook? She didn't even deny it!" she exclaimed.

"Which I only did because of what you spoke about me. You had the audacity to insult and slander me, yet you got scared of almost getting what you deserved. Please Princess Fiona save it for someone who cares, it's not me or Jungkook but mayhaps another ogre does." You kept your knives and walked away from them. "Come back here you bitch! You still have to pay for almost murdering me!" she screamed wanting to follow you, but Jungkook held her back from doing so.

"Fiona stop harassing Y/N. You won't follow her nor will you continue to insult her, if you as much touch her hair or be near her- you'll be hearing from me. And I also won't hesitate to tell your father about what you're doing." Jungkook reprimanded her and left the fuming princess to follow after you.

Jungkook found you at another training station trying some new gadget that was actually quite useful to distract and even escape rebels, if you were in a hurry. You didn’t seem to notice him yet or you pretended not to, so he made his presence known by speaking first.

"That seems really handy, you could totally make use of that a lot when needing an escape for extremely hard missions." You were still ignoring him so he spoke again. "Not saying you always escape hard missions-" You interrupted him. "Then what are you saying Jeon? Just because I needed a little help from you on that difficult mission, doesn't mean I'll always need someone or something to save me. For the record, I don't always rely on gadgets to defeat enemies, I've successfully completed a lot of missions without them."

"I know that Y/N, I'm just trying to give you some advice." he retorted. "More like you're trying to prove to me that you're always right."

"But aren't I babe? I'm indeed always right,"

"Don't call me that, hearing you call me it just gave me a disease." You chided. "Oh really? I bet you secretly like it though, just like you like me." He boasted. "Wait what? Where did that come from? Are you on crack or did your last brain cell finally decided to leave you?" How dare he assume and say such horrendous things? He's probably hallucinating or something.

"Excuse me I don't do crack, but you don't have to deny it. I get it you're shy, and you were jealous of Fiona that's why you acted up a while ago-" he's truly insufferable. "Me Jealous? Please don't delude yourself, wake up from that dream it isn't healthy." You wanted to leave his delusional ass once more, but he prevented you from doing that when he cornered you to a wall and got too close for comfort. "I can prove it you know, that you're jealous," He was breathing hotly on your face, staring deeply into your eyes and slowly, he seemed to inch his face closer to yours- as if planning to steal a taste of your lips, you were so flustered that you decided to close your eyes. Waiting and kind of hoping to feel his soft lips on yours, but it never came.

Because just before Jungkook could kiss you, you heard someone cough, and the both of you decided to break apart from each other. "Ehem. Agent Y/N and Agent JK, I'm going to assign mission partners, you should both probably be at the assembly hall so you don't miss it." Your instructor said looking at the two of you weirdly. You both awkwardly looked at him back and nodded.

💜

"Agent Fiona and Agent Farquaad, you'll be partners for this mission and probably the succeeding ones too." Your instructor announced, Fiona grimaced seemingly disappointed with who her partner was but not bothering to say anything. Meanwhile, Farquaad had a smile on his face as he was partnered with the gal he liked. When your turn came, you couldn't believe the luck you just had to be partnered with the guy you wanted to avoid the most.

"Agent Y/N and Agent JK, you’ll be partners for this mission and the succeeding ones, as you both are the best spies in this academy." Your instructor said with gleam in his eyes. Did he plan this? Did he think you and Jungkook got along well because of what he almost saw a while ago? What the hell? What is he doing? You were having an internal monologue, as you were still having a hard time processing the fact that you'll have to spend more time with annoying Prince Jungkook again. You couldn't believe it, you wouldn't. Your mental breakdown was interrupted by someone's disgustingly familiar voice speaking to you,

"So, partners huh? I'd say I'm glad to be partnered by a top spy in our academy, but I'm not really sure I am. Maybe 'cause I loathe it as much as you do?" You glared at him. "As if I'll be partners with you," you retorted and stormed off to find your instructor to plead with him.

"Um. Excuse me sir, can I please switch partners?" you pleaded to your instructor when you found him. "Agent Y/N… I'm sorry, but I chose your partners for a reason. Also, Agent JK is one of the best spy princes. I don't understand why you don't wanna be partners with him?" He replied.

"I know sir, but- we just don't get along that well, and actually, I think I can handle a mission on my own just fine." you explained. "I'm one of the best spies as you've said, and we all know that's true so… Please?"

"I'm really sorry Agent Y/N, but my decision is final. Your partner is Agent JK, and if you have problems with each other right now, then hopefully this mission will help you guys resolve it, and make you feel closer." Your instructor paused for a bit, you didn't know why but he was seemingly and suddenly in deep thought. "If you don't mind me asking and I don't mean to be nosy, but are you guys having a lovers quarrel or something?" he inquired.

"W-what? Of course not sir! Me and him lovers? Not in this lifetime. Why did you even think of that if I may ask?" you were flustered but curious. Did your instructor think of that because of what he saw a while ago? You didn't even know what truly transpired between you and Jungkook in that moment, you just knew that it felt right and wrong at the same time. "I think you realize that I saw you both a while ago, you two were pretty close to each other. I just thought you might be dating. It's a little disappointing that you aren't but that's okay." you fought another blush that threatened to show in your cheeks because of what your instructor said.

"But sir- why would it be disappointing?" you asked dumbly. "It's a little disappointing because you two look great together. You're both compatible in my opinion," he said looking at you seriously. "You're both top spies, both popular within the academy and even outside of it, you're both competitive, but you complement each other. Should I tell you more?" you didn't know if he was asking rhetorically or if he really wanted you to answer that question, so you just looked at the walls of the academy instead. But you also thought about what he said, did you and Jungkook really complement each other?

"If you don't have anymore questions Agent YN, I'll be going now. I still have some tasks to do, but remember that I'm rooting for both of you." he smiled at you knowingly, and your instructor went back to his room. Whether he meant that in regards to you both being spies, or the concept of you and Jungkook dating, mayhaps it was both- you didn’t know. But you were more scared than curious to ponder about it and find out.

You still went home together with Jungkook despite of the awkward air around the two of you, even if you didn't wanna be partners with him mayhaps you didn't have any choice, so why bother complaining about it anymore. You both chose to stay silent during the ride on the way home, not really talking until you arrived at the palace.

👑

"You got home late again. What have you both been doing that's taking up your whole time and day?" The king inquired immediately when you both arrived. "Dad- we were just…" You replied until Jungkook cut you off again, he seemed to be doing that frequently these days.

"We were just hanging out as usual your majesty. Actually- we're hanging out too much because…" Jungkook hesitantly took a peek in your direction, "Because- we're dating." what in the name of crippled hairy ballsacks is he on now? Mayhaps he's really lost it and now cursing you.

"What the hell are you talking about Jeon?" you yelled and glared at him. He looked like he was trying to talk to you telepathically with his eyes, because he obviously can't do it with his mind. "Y/N- can you just play along-" he whispered to you. Your father wasn't all too happy with the way you screamed and cursed though, so he reprimanded you again. "Princess Y/N! Your language!" he also yelled brows furrowed in disappointment. "Have you forgotten your manners? A princess doesn't act like a tasteless fool!" he chided, you ignored him and pretended that you didn’t hear him. You just wanted to go to your room and disappear forever.

"And you Prince Jeon, is what you're saying the truth?" The king said as he looked at Jungkook pointedly. "Are you and Y/N truly dating? Why haven't you told us this? When did you both even start seeing each other?"

"Your majesty I can explain. Please don't be furious at us- or at least at Y/N that much-" Jungkook reasoned. "We wanted to keep it a secret for a while, as we were afraid of your reaction."

"Well aren't you afraid now? You just confessed your relationship in front of me." The king said. "We still are. Though I thought maybe you needed to know now, because secrets aren't meant to be kept forever." Jungkook explained.

"And is that truly the reason why you keep visiting Princess Y/N here and having all your rendezvous?" The king inquired again. "Well obviously dad, didn't you hear what he said?" You retorted smartly. You decided you were going to go with whatever this ballsack show Jungkook wants to play, if that meant your real secret won't be found out. (that is if they don't know of it already and are just letting you go for now.) Anyway, If this fake relationship is your escape pass then so be it. You were still planning to confront Jungkook about this shit show later though.

"Stop being sassy you brat, I wasn't talking to you, I was clearly asking our prince here." your dad scolded you. "Did you even court her properly Prince Jeon? I hope you did everything you can to truly deserve her heart."

"I- I did…Your majesty. I can tell you all about how I wooed her during dinner. That is if you'll allow me to stay for dinner?" Jungkook somewhat smoothly replied. You gave him a grim warning look- because he was really pushing it. Though mayhaps, you supposed him staying for dinner wouldn't be so insufferable- since you could talk to him after, and discuss what's going on in his heinous mind.

"Alright, Prince Jeon. You can stay for dinner, and maybe you can convince me if you're truly fitting for my dear Princess Y/N." The king replied.

👸🤴👑

Your father and Jungkook chatted amicably, though the king interrogated Jungkook a lot about your relationship. The king asked about how you both realized you were in love with each other, which was awkward because you weren't really in love. You let Jungkook do all the talking since he's a better liar in your opinion. Your father even had the audacity to ask when was your first kiss together? To which Jungkook almost choked on his water, while his cheeks burned red. It didn't seem like he'd stop interrogating Jungkook soon, so before he could ask Jungkook more personal questions like, if you'd slept together already- (It was common for the new generation of royals in your land to sleep around even before being wed.) You decided to interrupt and end their conversation.

You excused yourself from the table, telling your father you were full, and took Jungkook with you. The king surprisingly allowed you to go without a lot of fuss, but he did shoot you both suggestive looks. When you got to your room, Jungkook seemed to be relieved that you stopped the king from torturing him even further. Maybe using the word 'torturing' was a bit harsh- but that was kinda what Jungkook felt when your father asked him all those personal questions. Not that he was truly in pain, but more like he felt weird thinking about all the little white lies he told the king. He wondered if in the future it might come true? Would he still feel awkward or would he enjoy it? He was interrupted from his pondering when he heard your adorable voice, he realized you were talking to him.

"Hello?? Earth to rabbit prince? I was asking you a question but you seemed to be on planet mars or something," You commented while sitting on your bed. "Oh, sorry. I was just thinking about some stuff and things…" He was thinking about the possibilities of you and him- was what he wanted to say, but he'll probably never say it even if he was blackmailed by an enemy. "Stuff and things huh? Are you the main lead of Walking Dead now? Anyway- I was just asking you why you suddenly decided that we should fake date?"

"I-" Jungkook sighed while sitting on the chair near your bed, "I thought you had the idea why already," he simply replied. "Well, maybe I do have an idea." you told him. "But is my idea correct? Did you do it so I could go on missions without having a hard time sneaking out on my parents?"

"I guess. Mayhaps, I wanted to help you in a way." he shyly admitted, avoiding looking at your direction. "For real though? Why? What's in it for you?" you inquired, curious as to why he did such things to help you. "I don't know, maybe just because," was his curt reply. "Just because? What kind of answer is that? It doesn't make sense. I still want to know Jungkook," you probed.

"Maybe it's just because I can okay?" you looked at him still unconvinced. "Fine- maybe because I feel a little bad for you. You have boomer parents who still think you should stick to being a prim and proper princess, when we both know how much you want to be an amazing superspy too. And you already are," He told you, looking at you proudly. "But, I know how much you want to protect yourself and the people you love. I know that you love being a spy and going on missions. So maybe, that's why I made the whole fake dating show." He proclaimed.

"Okay...that seems comprehensible. You didn't have to do it, but you still did anyway. So I wanna thank you for that." you told Jungkook honestly. "Actually I was mad at first, I was confused about what your plan was. I didn't realize you were doing it for me. But when I did, I guessed it didn't seem so bad after all." you confessed looking at him shyly. "It's okay, I didn't tell you about it beforehand too. So I can understand why you were mad." he replied.

"Uh… yeah. Though, I'm still sorry for being rude. I guess we'll have to get along because we're partners now anyway." you suggested. "Okay, I guess we should try to be friends since we're partners now." Jungkook replied. Maybe being friends with Jungkook wouldn't be so bad.

👑

Your first official mission with Jungkook was at a nearby kingdom. It was reigned by the Kim family, and now ruled by their obnoxious tyrant son, Kim Seokjin. His beloved parents have been deceased for a few years now, that is why he's became king, and is doing whatever he wants with the land. Your mission is to teach him a lesson; and that is to learn how to share his wealth to his people. He doesn't care about anyone but himself. He's using up all the land's wealth for his selfish needs, and leaving his people to die of hunger and starvation.

Meeting King Seokjin was quite amusing. He didn't even spare you a glance as he sat on his throne, and looked at his face in his handheld mirror. He seemed to focus on his face only, quite a narcissistic trait. He also didn't seem to take you both seriously when you told him that he should change his ways- before it's too late. That is why you had no choice but to make him listen to you even if you had to exert a little force.

You had shot the wall near where he was sitting with your laser gun, (you also finally decided to bring a few gadgets just in case.) therefore catching his attention, finally. "What the hell? Are you deranged? Why did you do that you imbecile! You could've hit my beautiful face! I could have you killed for trying to scratch my gorgeous face you know!" King Seokjin exclaimed. "Well we had to get your attention you narcissistic king. You won't listen to us." Jungkook answered him for you.

"Stop acting like a spoiled child, and help your people. They need you." You retorted. "Who are you peasants to even tell me what to do?!! Actually, how did you both even get inside here? Guards!" the tyrant king screamed. "We're just people who were sent to teach you a lesson. Your guards are asleep if you must know. We kind of knocked them out, sorry about that your majesty." Jungkook quipped.

"Who are you heathens? I don't have time for your tomfoolery, so if it's money you want then just tell me how much and maybe I'll give you some." King Seokjin proclaimed. "We don't want any of your dirty money. What we want is that you learn how to share them with your people." You chided. "Share my money with commoners? What kind of ridiculous thing are you talking about? I'll never share my wealth with useless peasants! Never!"

"The useless peasants you called are the ones feeding you, and are the source of the food you eat. You don't even pay them for their rice and crops, you only know how to take but never give back." "I don't care what you say! I'm not sharing my money with slaves or anyone else even til I die!" he screamed. It seemed like he truly wasn't gonna cooperate or change his ways, so you had to resort to doing things by force yet again.

"Fine, you're really not gonna change? Then we'll just have to make you then." You announced to him. "Oh. please make me!" King Seokjin mocked. "Oh we really are, until you learn your lesson you selfish king." Jungkook retorted. And before he could reply or notice, you were both tying him up on his chair that he loves sitting on. And when he realized what you had done, it was too late and he couldn't move anymore. "What are you doing? Let me go! You'll pay for this you crazies!"

"I think we won't be paying for anything unlike you, your majesty. Now if you don't want us to carry you and leave you outside for the townspeople to beat up- you'll give us the money to pay your people." Jungkook demanded. "How dare you threaten me?! I'm not scared of you buffoons! And I'm not giving you any of my money! If you don't untie me this instant, you'll truly regret it! I promise you both!" He exclaimed. "I see you still won't cooperate with us, Okay. Let's go agent Fox."

Jungkook motioned for you to untie King Seokjin on the chair, only to tie him up again as Jungkook carried him down his throne. You were about to go out and leave him on the streets for the townspeople to beat up, when he suddenly screamed and begged you both not to. "Wait! Are you really gonna leave me out there to get beaten up?! Please don't! They'll ruin my beautiful face! Ok- Okay! I'll tell you where my money is and share them to my people! Just put me down please!"

"Are you seriously gonna help your people now? Do you promise?" Jungkook inquired. "Yes! Yes I promise! Now please put me down." King Seokjin replied. Jungkook put him back on his throne and you both waited for him to do what he promised. After getting some money from his secret vault, he then fulfilled his promise of paying the people he's been indebted with for so long. You both went with him to visit the townspeople he neglected and left to starve. Surprisingly, he paid them without so much fuss and no complaints from him. Even the townspeople were shocked at his sudden actions.

After giving the people the money they deserved, You were both surprised to be invited by the King for dinner. He explained that he wanted to thank you for making him realize his selfish ways, and he wanted to show you how grateful he was by letting you enjoy a good meal. Not wanting to be rude and mayhaps you were both kinda hungry too, you accepted his offer of dinner.

The dinner with the king went well. Mayhaps too well that is. You were just finishing your dessert when you felt a little light headed. You didn’t wanna think about it too much and ignored it, but then you felt dizzy. You decided to ask Jungkook if he felt the same weird feeling you felt but when you looked at him sitting beside you he was already knocked out on the table. Something seems amiss. "Excuse me King Seokjin, there's something wrong with your food. Did you put something in it?" you asked struggling to stay conscious. You knew you were right, when you looked at the treacherous king. He was grinning. "Oh. Did I? It's such a shame you caught on too late my dear. Have a nice slumber!" You were really gonna kick his ass when you regain your strength. But for now you had no choice but to succumb to the darkness inviting you so enticingly. Your last memory being King Seokjin's taunting and laughing face.

You woke up confused and unsure of where you were, til you remembered the events of yesterday. The narcissistic king. The dinner. Jungkook. You guys blacked out. It was morning you guessed, but you couldn't really see anything since you had been blindfolded. Your other senses were more alert since you couldn't see, but you just wanted to feel if Jungkook was there with you. If he was near you. "Agent Bunny…? Are you here? Are you near me?" you called, you were glad the crazy king didn't tape your mouth to shut you up so you could call out for your partner. You were starting to get nervous because you didn't hear Jungkook respond right away. What if King Seokjin did something to him? Where did he take him?

You wanted to escape at that moment and find Jungkook, but you realized your hands were tied up. You couldn't do so much but try to thrash around and be free. Your gadgets were probably confiscated too, so you couldn't use them. You were still trying to escape when you heard a muffled sound that made you stop. Was it Jungkook? "Agent Bunny! Was that you? Are you okay? I'll get us out of here, don't worry!" Jungkook tried to reply, but of course all you heard was his muffled voice. You thrashed again as if it'll help you, when the traitor king made his presence obvious. "Oh you should worry. If you don't stop moving around, the rope that's holding you might snap. And you wouldn't want to know where you'll be falling into." he chided.

The rope that's holding you? What did he mean? Weren't you sitting down on a chair? Wait- is that why it feels weird and unstable? Are you… hanging in the air? Ballsacks. "Fine, since I'm feeling a little merciful today, I'll let your partner or is he your boyfriend? give you a little warning." the king said as he removed the cover on Jungkook's mouth, "Y/N- I meant- agent Fox! stop moving! The rope that's holding your chair is weak, If it snaps you'll fall into a piranha tank!" In Jungkook's haste to warn you, he forgot and called you by your real name again.

You didn't really mind his mistake that much right now, until the obnoxious king taunted you. "Wait- did I hear that right? Did your boyfriend just call you Y/N? Is that your name princess? It is isn't it? A dreadful name for a dreadful girl!" You weren't actually tasked to kill him but you just might. How dare he slander your name? Just he wait til you get out of here alive, you'll absolutely kick his ass! "Shut up you're the dreadful one Kim Seokjin! How dare you call her that, and insult her name!" Jungkook defended you.

"Yada yada. You're the one who should shut up. Do you want to be muffled again?" the king threatened your partner. "Let us go you foolish king! What do you gain from doing all of this anyway?" You inquired. "And what if I don't huh? What are you gonna do about it? Nothing! You can't do anything you tied up fools! You asked me what do I gain from this? A satisfying revenge! And now your boyfriend is gonna see you get eaten by piranhas, but he won't be able to do anything but watch." He retorted.

Of course it makes sense how Jungkook was able to see where you were right now, the king didn't blindfold Jungkook like he did with you. But he covered his mouth instead. "You're wrong, King Seokjin. I'm gonna save her and you can't stop me!" Jungkook screamed furious at the king. "And how are you planning to do that? You can't even get up from your seat. I'd tell you I'd like to see you try, but I've already wasted too much of my precious time for this nonsense." King Seokjin yawned seemingly to show his boredom and annoyance. "Guards! Pull the rope and bring her down." He ordered to them, but before they could pull the rope and feed you to the piranhas- a commotion happened.

And there stood, two people you didn't expect to see. "Our instructor was wondering where you two were ya know? Tsk. For supposedly being the best spies you two are getting rusty." Fiona the ogre looking princess said. "Anyway, sir told us to find you guys and save your asses, that's why we're here. I don't like you but sir asked us to save you both- so it's whatever." Fiona said as she got rid of the guards who were still trying to pull you down. Of course Agent Farquaad came with her too, and he was the one who helped untie Jungkook. Seokjin was still shookt at how his plans crumbled ever so quickly, that he just stood there mouth agape.

For the first time in your life, you were kinda relieved to see her. You finally got out of your restraints and you wanted to face King Seokjin right away, but Fiona's next words stopped you. "Now that we've saved you both, our job here is done. Though next time, try to do your job better idiots so we don't have to do it for you." she told you as they were about to go, you didn't have the time to get mad at her so you just ignored her, but before they actually did she told you one last thing. "Oh I almost forgot, there are rumors about rebels planning to attack this dumb king who hostaged you. They might be on the way here now. We'd love to help ya guys, but we have other rebels from another city to take care of. So ttyl!" and then she scurried off with her partner.

Well it's not like you can't fight the rebels yourselves, but an earlier warning would've been nice. You moved closer to Jungkook who was keeping an eye on the now submissive king. "So bunny, what's the plan now?" you inquired. "I guess we wait for them to arrive and defeat them all." was his reply. You nodded in agreement, of course that's what you're going to do.

The rebels arrived not long after, and it was quite a taxing battle, but nothing you weren't used to. They carried high tech weapons too, but you managed to steal some from them and use it on them. Just as one rebel almost shot King Seokjin, you managed to pull him to the side just in time and save his plumpous ass. To say he was shocked that you saved him, was an understatement. He was literally in awe that you still saved his life, even if he had tied you up and almost fed you to the piranhas.

The act was actually enough that he started to mayhaps have a change of heart. After a hundred butts kicked and a few exhausting hours later, you finally defeated the rebels. Police reinforcements came to collect most of them (because a few rebels always manage to escape) and took them to jail, meanwhile you've never wanted more but to get back home already and just lie on your bed for a month. Your partner looked exhausted too, but still undeniably handsome. Not that you'll ever admit that to him. You were actually missing home, even though it's only been a day. Your parents would probably- oh glob, your parents! They're probably worried sick now. You hope you'll still be allowed to go out after this.

You were so busy worrying if you'll get grounded, that you didn’t notice the narcissistic King coming up to you. "Hey." He called out, breaking you out of your thoughts and surprising you. What did he want now? "I just wanted to say, thanks for saving me. You shouldn't have, but you still did anyway. And I'm sorry for everything. Promise, I'm being sincere this time." He seemed sincere with his apology, even though he couldn't really look you in the eye that well. You could say he was embarrassed? Or guilty? Maybe both. Still, you wanted to tease him and so you probed. "Are you really being honest now? Or is it another act of yours to deceive me again?"

"I'm being sincere this time I swear, I really felt awful about what I did to you. What I did to you both." he corrected. "I realized how selfish and crazy I've been, and I'm honestly sorry for that." "Well it's great that you realized your mistakes. I forgive you I guess, I don't wanna hold grudges for too long anyway." you replied. "Really? Thank you so much! I swear I'll prove to you that I'll change for real this time." he exclaimed getting your partner's attention, making him check up on you both in case something's wrong.

"Is everything alright with you two?" Jungkook asked. "Yeah bunny. He was just apologizing that's all." you replied. "Oh ok. Wait- he apologized? For real? How unbelievable." he then sent an accusing look at King Seokjin. "Yes he did. He seemed genuine so let's just let bygones be bygones." "Yeah. You sure he won't drug us to sleep again?" "Jungkook-"

"I won't. I should've never, it was truly wrong of me. I'm sorry for taunting you and for every wrong thing I've done. Believe me, I really do feel shitty for hurting you guys who saved me." King Seokjin heard your conversation and decided to apologize to Jungkook too. "If there's anything I could do to make it up to you guys, just please tell me. I'll do it in a heartbeat." "Hmm. Maybe there is something you could do." Jungkook suddenly had an idea.

👑

"Princess Y/N! Where have you been? we've been worried sick about you! Your mother couldn't sleep waiting for you!" Your father said when you finally arrived home. "Dad it was just a day, we were invited by our friend King Seokjin to stay for the night because it was getting late." you reasoned.

"King Seokjin? Is he the gorgeous man standing next to Jungkook right now?" your father inquired. "Yes dad," "Who is he? Why didn't you both tell us about him?" "He's our new friend, we helped him and he felt grateful so he made us stay for the night."

"It's amazing how you can plan quite a perfect lie my dear, you may have fooled your father- but we both know you can't fool me." the queen finally appeared. "So tell me Y/N, where were you really?" "Mom… I can explain-" "Were you at that spy academy of yours? Or going on those nonsense missions weren't you? I'm very disappointed in you Y/N. I thought you had quit being a useless spy. But of course, you had lied to me." she scolded you. You didn’t know what hurt more, the fact that she was disappointed in you, or the fact that she thought and probably still thinks- you're a useless spy.

"She isn't a useless spy, she saved me for crying out loud!" you were surprised to see King Seokjin was actually defending you. Maybe he truly had changed. "It's true your majesty. She isn't a useless spy, in fact she's one of the best spies in our academy. She's one of the best spies I know." Jungkook added. "Spectacular, but I don't recall asking you both for your opinion. So I suggest you both stay out of this. King Seokjin it's nice to meet you but you can go home now. As for you Prince Jungkook, you should probably leave too. I had a feeling you influenced her, and I was right." the queen reprimanded.

"Jungkook didn't influence me! I wanted to be a spy on my own. I just don't understand why you won't let me. Do you not love me mom?" you exclaimed. "Enough Y/N! Not another word from you, or you'll be spending your whole life in your tower. You're grounded for a year, and that's final. Guards, escort Princess Y/N to her tower and make sure she stays there for a year." you can't believe your mother right now, she had done this before when she first discovered what you were doing in the academy, and now she's doing it again. "Darling, don't you think you're being a little too harsh on our daughter? Locked for a year in her tower? Isn't that quite too much-" the king interrupted but the queen silenced him. "No I'm not being too harsh on her, you're too lenient on her that's why she keeps being a brat. She needs to learn how to listen to me, I'm her mother and the queen after all.

You lashed out on some of the guards on the way to your tower, you were just so upset you couldn't believe it had come to this. You could've escaped them easily, but you didn't want to be disowned by your family. So you decided to take your punishment.

You scrolled through your phone for the nth time today, and you were bored. Luckily, she at least let you had your phone. You wanted to see if you had new missions to do, but you felt conflicted too, because you can't disobey your mother this time. You were just planning to take a nap again when a strawberry hit you on the face. You looked at your window to find out where the strawberry came from, and you were in awe to see it was your bunny prince on a drone airplane. "Jungkook? How did you- why are you here?"

"To get you out, of course. Who else would help you other than me?" he cockily said. "You didn't even tell me you were coming. Anyway, thanks for wanting to take me out of here, but I can't. Even if I really want to escape, I can't anymore Jungkook." you refused. "You can't or you shouldn't? I know you're afraid of disappointing your mother again baby, but I think she'll understand. Besides, I think she was just angry at that moment. She probably wants to let you go back to your room now."

Your heart warmed at his pet name for you, but you still can't agree to go with him. "Exactly, Kook. Maybe she'll want to end my punishment sooner, but what if she finds out I disobeyed her again? She'll be furious, and I don't want my punishment to be extended." "Well what if she doesn't find out? I'm sure she can't see me when I'm this high on the ground. And I promise I'll bring you back home before they check on you. Come on princess, do you really wanna stay here alone in your tower, for a year?" he persuaded. "I don't… but ugh, I hate you Jeon Jungkook. Fine, just let me get my stuff." you caved in. How were you supposed to say no when a guy as annoyingly handsome as prince Jeon asked you?

You hopped on the airplane drone and went away with your handsome prince. You and Jungkook just flew around the land, it was awe inspiring to look at the villages and people from above. When he finally brought you home you felt a little glum that the day had to end. You were relieved that you weren't caught by the queen though. You were relieved to have Prince Jeon with you. You texted your instructor about your current situation and why you can't go on missions for a while. He told you he understood, he truly is the best instructor.

Jungkook came to see you again the next day. He didn't take you away this time, he just stayed with you and you two talked all day. Jungkook visited your tower everyday, and you couldn't help but fall for him each passing day too. One night, the two of you finally shared your first kiss and it felt amazing. He didn't come back the next day though, which made you feel worried that he didn't feel the same way. Unbeknownst to you, he was actually planning how to get you out of your current situation- while he couldn't stop thinking about your kiss too.

"Y/N, it's been 3 months since you've been locked here in your tower. I don't mind visiting you but, don't you miss going on missions with me? Don't lie, I know you do. We need to get you out of here." Jungkook declared. "Jungkook is that why you didn't come yesterday? 'Cause you were planning my escape from here?" you inquired still a little upset, he didn't come to see you yesterday. "Yes actually. Why? Did you think about something else?"

"No… I just thought- nevermind it doesn't matter." "Of course it matters princess, tell me what's on your mind." he asked you moving closer to touch your cheek fondly. "I thought you didn't like our kiss… And that you thought it was a mistake. Am i right?" you asked honestly.

"No you aren't baby. I loved our kiss, I couldn't stop thinking about it. I'm sorry I made you think that way, I really was just busy pondering how to get you out of here. But I have a plan now, and that's why I'm here to ask you if you'll agree with it."

"You do? You have a plan? Why do I have a feeling it's gonna be chaotic… But fine- I wanna hear it anyway,"

"Run away with me."

Ballsacks, he's kidding right? Your Jungkook is kidding right?

💜

You made a decision that day that changed your life. You ran away with Jungkook and lived at his palace. You were finally free to go on missions without worrying about what your mother would say. Jungkook kept your existence at the palace a secret at first, putting you in a secret room no one else knows but him. But of course as all secrets do, all secrets will be revealed. His parents found out that you were now living with them, and they were shookt but thankfully they let you stay.

They advised you to tell your parents though, so your parents would stop worrying about you. You did tell your parents about your whereabouts, you missed them after all. But you also told them you couldn't live with them, if they can't accept you for being a spy. You only talked to your father, the king. As your mother didn't seem interested to talk to you. You hoped she'll accept you for who you are someday.

3 years passed and you've decided to return to the palace, your home. You're full of nerves as you're worried about how they'll react to you coming back, but also because you have an important thing to talk about to them. You had returned to inform and personally invite them to your wedding. Your relationship with Jungkook grew stronger over the years, and one lovely night he proposed to you, which you accepted of course. That's why you're now getting married and elated to be one with him.

You're with Jungkook as you faced your parents. They looked quite surprised to see your presence again after a few years. Your father smiled at you and he seemed happy to finally see you again. Your mother on the other hand, still looked indifferent as before. "My dearest princess, I'm so glad you came back." your father told you. "I'm happy to see you too, dad." you smiled at him. "Actually, I'm here- I mean we're here, because we wanted to tell you something very important. Jungkook and I are getting married."

They didn't seem surprised to hear that actually. You guessed they figured out why you came today. "We want to personally invite you to our wedding. It'd be great if you both were there." you added. "Of course we'll be there. It's a good thing we didn't have to push through with the arranged marriage we planned for you guys before. It's spectacular that you fell for each other naturally." the queen surprised you all when she replied. She didn't seem to mean it with malice but with all honesty.

"Wait- you were planning to make us have an arranged marriage?" you inquired, you weren't mad anymore just shocked that your parents had planned to wed you with Jungkook after all. "Yes. Well it was because Jungkook's parents are our friends, and your marriage would be great to strengthen our kingdom. We're sorry if the knowledge infuriates you now."

"It doesn't. I'm just surprised that's all. Anyway, mayhaps we're truly meant to be as I'm still marrying him now." you said quite fondly. "The preparations have started as the wedding is in 3 days, the stylists will come soon so please tell them if you need something. I already picked yours and dad's clothes, I hope you don't mind. Can I stay in my room for tonight? Jungkook can take the guest room." you asked. "Wait Y/N. I wanted to apologize for being a cruel mother to you." the queen's words stopped you. "I'm sorry for locking you in the tower which made you runaway from us."

"I'm sorry for not believing in you, I always knew you were a great spy- I just didn't wanna acknowledge it because I was scared of losing you. And I did anyway. I guess I'm just sorry for being a bad mom and for everything my dear. I hope someday you'll be able to forgive me." you could feel the queen's remorse through her words and facial expressions, and you realized there wasn't really anger anymore. You were just sad for the lost time. "Thanks mom, that's all I've ever wanted to hear. I just wanted you to be proud of me. And you aren't a bad mother, I understand now why you did those things. Though they're quite questionable, but I forgive you. I already did a long time ago." You hugged each other and were finally glad to be on good terms again.

👰

Your wedding day came, and everything went perfect. You wore the loveliest wedding dress, and Jungkook wore the fittest suit. You only invited your close friends and family, you actually just wanted a simple wedding. The selfish but now kind King Seokjin, came too. Along with your fellow agents, Fiona and Farquaad. They all watched as you two sealed your newly formed union with a short but sweet passionate kiss.

After the glorious event, you were now inside Jungkook's room fidgeting and anticipating- what to do for the remainder of the night. You had just finished taking a relaxing bath, and were now dressed in your nightgown. Were you finally gonna do it with him after abstaining for years? Thoughts ran through your mind while waiting for Jungkook. He had to go somewhere for a bit because of some emergency prince duties. He was even busier now, that they want him to take over as the new king. But surely he'll make time for you on your wedding night right?

You were getting sleepy waiting for him when after a while, the knob to his door slowly turned. And then came your prince- and husband, the person you've been waiting for. "I'm sorry I took so long baby, the council and the advisors were just so-" "It's okay Kook, just come here and lie with me," you called. You didn’t even realize the implications of your words until you said them, and you couldn't take them back. You blushed furiously at seeming so desperate.

"I will my love, I'm just gonna take a shower first, then I'll come join you in bed" he chirped. After Jungkook's long agonizing shower- (or it just seemed long to you, when he really didn't take that long) he finally joined you in bed. Though, you couldn't face him because you were so embarrassed of your daring words awhile ago, that you may or may not have meant. You pretended to be asleep, but of course Jungkook knows you too much to know you were just pretending. "I know you're awake baby, don't pretend to fall asleep on me now. Not when we haven't made love yet."

Jungkook's words made you a little wet, okay maybe a lot. How can he be so irresistible? You tried to take a peek at his face but failed miserably, as your attention went to his beautifully sculptured body. He was lying so close to you without any clothes on! You almost saw his dick if not for the sheets covering it. "Like what you see my love? I didn't put any clothes on yet, 'cause It would be stupid if I'm just gonna take them off in a bit. I've really been waiting for this night Y/N," he said, touching your back through your nightgown tracing your curves.

"I'm finally gonna claim you and make you mine, can I make love to you now my love?" Jungkook sincerely inquired, and you gave him your permission because you wanted him to. You wanted him to make you his and you wanted to make love with him too. And you showed how much you loved each other all through the night. You loved it when he treated you so delicately, and he wasn't in a rush. You loved it when he sucked your perky nipples until they were so sensitive and swollen. You loved it when he thrusted inside you while kissing you at the same time and holding your hand. You loved your partner in crime Jeon Jungkook, the most loyal agent and bunny in the world. Your prince and your husband. And you're pretty sure he loved you too.

And they loved happily ever after. Fin. 🧚🏻‍♀️

A/N: tysm for reading! If you enjoyed please reblog and leave a nice comment! 🥺💜

Btw! This is the pic dat's should've been on the insert pic but tumblr luvs to f- me raw in the ass, so it re-arranged it. I'm only on mobile so i can't do sht so im very sorry!

[demetriandelibinaryboyfriends]

Any hc for (non)binary brothers

You mean like...headcanons for their relationship/Demetri and Eli in general? Sure, I’ll take a stab at this! I have a bunch of miscellaneous headcanons for them anyways and have been looking for a place to put them, may as well post them here.

Fair warning that this is a bit of a disorganized mishmash of stuff I’ve thought up for them myself, headcanons I’ve seen others in the fandom make for them, and tropes that I’ve seen in fanfic that I really liked, so I kinda stole them to add to my own personal headcanon XD I may not be able to source all of them if asked...some of them I’m like “I genuinely don’t remember where I saw that, but I HELLA liked it” lol

~Demetri is like...RIDICULOUSLY good at coding. Eli is good at it too, but Demetri basically singlehandedly carried that coding competition they won. It was really more of a 70-30 effort, but Demetri consistently gives Eli 50% of the credit to try and help him feel good about himself and his capabilities. Demetri knows he did a bit more work than Eli, but he’s never once brought it up and he doesn’t plan to.

~Demetri looooooves cats. Like...the pretentiousness? The heightened sense of self-importance? The way they’re kinda misunderstood and often disliked because they can be mean, and don’t always show affection in the way people expect? The general air of annoyance and disdain they give off??? Demetri’s just like “yep, this is my animal right here.” XD Demetri doesn’t DISLIKE dogs, but he finds they can be a bit much sometimes, and likes that cats do their own thing a lot of the time.

~After getting the Hawk moniker, Eli lowkey got SUPER into hawks and birds of prey in general. Like he started watching documentaries on them and everything, and gushing to Demetri about how badass he thought they were. It even kinda verges into special interest territory (since Hawk/Eli is canonically probably autistic), although it’s not as all-consuming as some of his other ones. Back when he and Demetri are still on good terms, in the early days of “Hawk,” Eli rambles to Demetri about hawks and other “badass” birds a LOT when they’re hanging out. Eli only does this when he’s alone with Demetri because he’s a little scared to show THAT level of enthusiasm to anyone else, considering he’s trying to be a “tough guy” now. Demetri he still feels he can essentially be all of himself with, though. Demetri finds this new raptor obsession kind of hilarious but also kind of endearing.

~Demetri has a single mom who is lowkey overprotective and ends up coddling and sheltering him a lot. Demetri’s dad left when he was little, and his mom can be a bit overbearing because Dem is all she has left of his dad, in a sense. Because of this, Demetri definitely did NOT tell his mom Eli was the one who broke his arm. He said it was “some goon” from Cobra Kai, and said Eli wasn’t even there among the group that day. He knew if his mom knew Eli broke his arm, she would NEVER let Eli near him again, and would probably get a restraining order and possibly press charges. And Demetri just...REFUSES to give up on Eli, even after everything. He figures Kreese’s brainwashing and Kyler being in Cobra Kai are already putting Eli through a special kind of hell, and he wants to protect him from having even MORE things to deal with--in this case, the wrath of Demetri’s mom. And she never finds out Eli broke his arm--Demetri takes it to the grave.

~A little while after the Christmas party, Demetri and Eli resume their weekly sleepovers and try to make up for lost time. They decide not to pull out Eli’s Waterbed from storage, considering they both have pretty unpleasant associations with the waterbed after the incident at Moon’s party. They end up just sharing Demetri’s bed, like they used to when they were little and it wasn’t “weird” yet for two boys to sleep in the same bed. Maybe it’s weird now, but they figure as long as Demetri’s mom doesn’t blab to their friends or something that they’re sharing a bed, then it’s cool. Neither has any issue at all with sharing a bed, although they caaaaaan’t quite put their finger on why that is XD

~Eli actually gets nightmares about the laser tag arm incident more often than Demetri does. The fight will play out in a thousand different ways, but it always ends the same--with Eli pinning Demetri down and snapping his arm. Worse, sometimes he’ll have dreams that he’s beating up Brucks again, and then Brucks will slowly morph into Demetri, but Eli won’t be able to stop punching. He frequently wakes up panicking and screaming and crying during his and Demetri’s sleepovers, and Demetri just holds him and sooths him and wipes his tears off and reassures him that he knows Eli’s never going to hurt him again. 

~I actually imagine it’s on a night like one of these that they first get together--Eli wakes up from another nightmare, and Demetri is just hugging him really close and trying to reassure him, and at some point, Demetri just...impulsively leans in and kisses him. They both get super flustered for a second, and then Eli leans in and kisses Demetri super fiercely and before they know it, they’re making out like there’s no tomorrow. When they have to stop for breath, they admit they’ve always liked each other and just weren’t really sure how to say it. They spoon for the rest of the night, and are pretty much officially dating after that, although they’re kinda anxious about what people will think, so they keep it on the DL at first.

~Demetri has bad dreams too, but his are usually current--e.g. Eli reveals it was All An Act and he’s been spying for Cobra Kai, and doesn’t actually give a shit about Demetri. When Demetri wakes up from these at their sleepovers, he often can’t help but shake Eli awake, and rattle off a bunch of paranoid questions--”You actually like me, right? You actually wanted to be friends again, right? You don’t think I’m annoying? You don’t secretly hate me, after everything?” And this always kind of alarms Eli at first, because of how...out-of-character it is for Demetri to be that self-conscious about what people think about him, and for him to actally...well...care if people think he’s annoying XD But after a little bit Eli just puts his hand on Demetri’s shoulders and says “Demetri, I promise I want you back in my life.” And this is usually enough to calm Demetri down, because he knows it’s genuine, just like Eli’s apology at the Christmas party was.

~Eli is really, really terrified of hurting Demetri again. Sometimes Eli gets panic attacks when he and Demetri are sparring and he hits Demetri a little too hard. Demetri’s kind of come up with a “signal” for Daniel to indicate he and Eli need to take a break. Once Daniel figures out the situation, he’s more than happy to oblige. Demetri always helps Eli through his panic attacks and reassures him that he trusts him with his life now, no matter what happened before. 

~When Johnny finds out about this, he’s actually...way more understanding than anyone expects him to be, because Kreese traumatized him when he was young, too. He just kind of sighs like “Yeah, Kreese made me do some fucked up shit too, back in the day. He’s a bastard like that. You take a 10 whenever the hell you need, Hawk.” And honestly? Demetri lowkey loves Johnny for this. This may be the turning point that finally causes Demetri to view Johnny Lawrence with something other than mild to moderate disdain XD

~Demetri often makes a point of kissing Eli’s scar and telling him he thinks it’s beautiful. Hella corny, I know, but god knows Eli needs it. He kisses it in front of their friends, too, as kind of a way to reassure Eli “hey, I’m proud to be with you in your entirety, and I’m not at all ashamed of that aspect of you, even if you still are.” Eli definitely appreciates this, but he pretends he’s embarrassed by it and will often fall into a blushing, flustered mess when Demetri kisses his scar XD

I think that’s all I’ve got for now!!! I’ll post more later if I think of them!!!

[procrastinatingsapphictrash]

I posted 2,122 times in 2021

1103 posts created (52%)

1019 posts reblogged (48%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 0.9 posts.

I added 1,001 tags in 2021

#asks - 391 posts

#anon - 134 posts

#not mine - 85 posts

#natasha romanoff x reader - 80 posts

#marvel fanfiction - 66 posts

#allie's 1000 followers celebration - 57 posts

#natasha romanoff - 50 posts

#x reader - 47 posts

#black widow - 46 posts

#black widow x reader - 45 posts

Longest Tag: 133 characters

#i’m reblogging this again in the morning because i actually want people to see it and i first reblogged it in the middle of the night

My Top Posts in 2021

#5

Migraines

Word count: 1679

Genre: Hurt/comfort 

Pairings: Natasha x fem!reader, platonic avengers x fem!reader

Warnings: Some swearing (let me know if I need to add more)

Request: hi~ was wondering if you’d do a natasha x reader with a dash of platonic avengers when reader has chronic migraines but hasn’t told nat so ends up in random places to try and sleep them away and the others keep finding her and then nat figures out she’s hiding something and feels hurt but ends fluffy wanting to take care of reader next time? you can choose who and change any part you want!

Summary: Reader gets really bad migraines and is constantly being found by the team when she wants to be alone, however her girlfriend Natasha doesn’t know what’s going on. 

A/n: This request was for @casperlikej​ so I hope you like it! Also I would like to mention that I know next to nothing about migraines so this probably won’t be super accurate but hopefully it’s ok to read anyways. I’m queuing this to come out on Sunday so that over the weekend I can work on the friends to enemies to lovers three part series and get that out soon (no I have not forgotten about that request). I am only like a sixth into that series but so far I’m super proud of it so I can’t wait to get it done! Also if anyone has ideas, feel free to request anything because I like having multiple fic ideas to think of at all times. Anyways I’m rambling now but I hope you enjoy this fic!

You hated being away from Natasha because although you had only been together for a few months and only known her for half a year you were sure you loved her but sometimes you just couldn’t stand pretending to be okay in front of her so you would hide yourself away. Currently your favourite place to hide was a nice rocking chair near the medbay area that was tucked away in the corner of a room. Barely anyone ever went by and the few that did never seemed to notice, giving you the anonymously you needed in order to curl up with your head in your knees and try to calm your head down. 

“Y/n? What are you doing here?” You hear Tony’s voice ask and you startle. 

“Oh, um, I’m just spending time with myself.” You respond lamely as Tony raises an eyebrow. 

“You never spend time by yourself,” he points out, “whenever you want to get away from us you always spend time with Natasha.” 

“I am alone sometimes.” You say starting to get annoyed. 

He scoffs. “No you aren’t, is everything ok between you two?”

“Everything is fine, just leave!” You snap at him. He hesitates in leaving the room but ultimately goes without saying another word after seeing how intensely you started glaring at him. It takes longer than usual for your migraine to go away because usually staying level headed helped but at least you yelling got Tony out of the room and to stop asking questions.

---

It was only a few days later that you got another migraine. You excuse yourself from the room you were sitting in with Bruce, Tony and Nat, mumbling some bullshit about needing to go to the store and ignoring Tony’s worried look on your way out. You knew that Tony would come looking for you in your old place so you decide to hole up in the room near the pad Thor uses whenever he visits earth. Today wasn’t a very bad migraine because you were able to catch the signs early but it still takes slightly over an hour for your head to stop pounding. You’re about to leave the room and go back to find the others but just to your luck Thor happens to arrive today unscheduled, something that only happens every few weeks. 

“Lady Y/l/n!” his voice booms happily as he steps inside, “it’s so good to see you, but what are you doing here, I wasn’t aware I had informed anyone of my arrival.”

You laugh slightly at his formal way of speaking and confused expression. “You didn’t, I just happened to be here because I was trying to be alone for awhile.”

“Are you feeling unwell?” He asks, looking concerned. 

“Not at all,” you reassure him, “in fact I was just about to go back to the others when you arrived, shall we find them together?” He nods eagerly, holding out his arm for you to hook onto like a true gentleman.

---

The next time you try to hide away you’re talking to Steve and he isn’t getting your subtle cues that you want to leave so he just keeps talking. You think he is talking about some sort of mission but honestly you don’t know because it physically hurts your brain to pay attention. You want to yell at him so badly but you can’t bring yourself to because he isn't trying to hurt you at all and he’s too nice to be angry at. 

“You agree Y/n?” You manage to make out. 

“Yes.” You say, not knowing what you’re even agreeing to.

“Great, I’ll go talk to the others, see you tomorrow for the morning training!” He says before walking off. You groan out loud as soon as you can no longer see him, partly because of how much your head hurts and partly because you accidentally told Steve that morning training was a good idea. This time you just plop yourself on the nearest couch and hope nobody finds you. 

---

You stumble into Bruce’s lab calling out for him. It had been over a week since your last migraine and encounter with Steve, one of the longest breaks you’ve had within recent memory but that came back to bite you in the ass when today’s was worse than ever before, even blurring your vision a little because of the pain. 

Bruce stands up from behind a pile of boxes. “Y/n, what brings you here.” 

“Pain meds now.” You order in a weak voice. He looks curious but doesn’t question you, heading towards a back cabinet and pulling out a bottle of pills. You immediately take two and swallow, ignoring him scolding you that you should only take one. Luckily since Bruce invented them himself it only took about five minutes for them to kick in. 

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383 notes • Posted 2021-01-24 17:01:00 GMT

#4

It’s you dumbass

Word count: 1579

Genre: Angst plus fluff?

Pairing: Natasha x fem!reader

Warnings: None (let me know if I should add any)

Request: hi, first i wanted to say that you are VERY VERY VEERY awesome and i love your stories. wanted to order an F! Reader x Natasha where Nat likes R in secret and one day he tells Clint about his passion, R hears and thinks Nat is talking about someone else (she is sad because she also loves Nat secretly). With a cute and happy ending please 🤧♥️

Summary: You accidentally (fine, maybe purposely) overhear a conversation and jump to the wrong conclusion but eventually you figure it out.

A/n: I am so sorry to the anon who requested this. This is the oldest request I have and it’s from almost three months ago. I promise that everyone who has a request that isn’t getting done will have their request finished, this fic is proof of that. I’m also not to sure about this fic, I like the way I ended it but not the start and I almost deleted it but instead I’m going to post it and never look at it again lol. Enjoy!

You’re heading upstairs to bed when you hear Natasha’s voice coming from the common room. Deciding to make a quick stop to say goodnight to her you change direction and head towards the room. She’s talking to Clint, you realize as you get closer, almost ready to step into the room. Changing your mind at the last second you step back before either of them could notice and stand there, listening in on the conversation. You know you shouldn’t and you feel bad about doing it but not bad enough to stop. 

Natasha is one of your best friends and you tell her pretty much everything but you can tell she hides a lot from you. You try to be supportive and not pressure her but you’re naturally curious and this opportunity to listen in on her thoughts is too tempting not to take. Clint is the person she trusts more than anybody so he is the person she goes to about everything she doesn’t tell you and you’re more than interested. 

“I just don’t know what to do.” You hear Natasha speak.

“The answer is very simple, just ask her out.” Clint responds, sounding annoyed, as if they have had this conversation already before. 

“I can’t just ask her out Clint, that’s not simple at all.” Natasha counters and you’re surprised to hear a slight whine to her voice.

“How about you say ‘I’m in love with you please let me take you to dinner’ and then kiss her senseless.” Clint suggests. 

“That is not the right way to ask someone out at all.” Natasha tells him laughs while you hear Clint mumble something about how it worked for him with Laura. There’s a silence and you start creeping back a little, prepared to pretend you are just walking by in case the conversation is over and they decide to leave the room. To your relief they don’t and Natasha speaks again, her tone softer.

“I would like to kiss her though.” She says and you can imagine the smile on her face.

“Believe me, I know.” Clint replies and you get the impression from the way he exaggerates his words that this is far from the first time she’s talked about this. It’s weird to hear Natasha sound so in love like a normal person because she usually says it’s a waste of time. It hurts too, both that Natasha wouldn’t tell you and of course that she’s in love with someone. It was nice to pretend that you had a chance with her but obviously she’s head over heels for some mystery woman. You don’t know who it is but you already know you don’t like her one bit, and if it’s one of the others on the team like Carol of Wanda, well you’re going to have a hard time staying friends with them because as much as you hate to admit it you can get jealous easily. 

You’re broken out of your thoughts when Natasha speaks again. “She’s just so smart and tough and funny.” She says dreamily. “Not to mention she’s absolutely gorgeous and-”

You quickly walk away, unable to stand there and listen for any longer. You suppose it’s payback for eavesdropping, finding out your best friend and secret crush is in love with someone else. It makes you angry and sad at once, jealous, but at the end of the day if it came down to it you would help her get with whoever she’s talking about because you want what is best for her. 

Just because you want what’s best for her doesn’t mean that it doesn’t hurt though so when you get back to your room you quickly strip and change before climbing under your blankets and burying yourself there. It might take awhile but you promise yourself that you’re going to try to get over her, to spare your own feelings and to be a better friend to her. 

---

You’re avoiding her and she knows it. The first day could be brushed off as a coincidence, that you were just two busy, but after almost a week of never having proper conversations or spending any time together the only possible explanation could be that you are avoiding her. It’s confusing because she doesn’t remember anything that could be the reason why. One day you were there talking to her like normal and the next day it was if you had never spoken before. 

She’s hurt and mildly pissed that you’ll just stop talking to her without explanation but she’s not one to shy away from conversations (except perhaps the one where she asks you it) so she decides to wait outside your room until you leave so you’ll be forced to talk with her alone. 

Usually you’re out of bed by at least nine, you’re very strict about that because you say that otherwise you’ll never get out of bed but today it’s almost half past nine and you haven’t left your room. For the first time she considers the possibility that maybe you ignoring her isn’t because you hate her and maybe you’re just going through something and are pushing everyone away. She feels bad for making your problems about her and knocks on your door, prepared to be a better friend and not jump to conclusions. 

“Hello?” you say, unsure of who it would be.

“Can I come in?” she asks, not really waiting for an answer and pushing the door open.

“Oh Y/n.” she breathes when she sees you. You look tired and sad and she itches to go and hug you but she’s pretty sure you wouldn’t like that. 

“Hi Tasha.” you reply, trying to force a smile. You love her but she is the last person you want to see right now. With all the inventions in the world right now there should be some way to invent a machine that changes the signals in your brain to make you fall out of love with them. You make a mental note to talk to Tony about that later.

“What’s wrong, is there anything I can do to help?” she frets, hovering above you.

“It’s a personal problem, I just need time.” you tell her, keeping it vague. She doesn't need to know that your ‘problem’ is that you’re in love with her and she’s in love with someone else.

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420 notes • Posted 2021-03-31 22:10:25 GMT

#3

Shy

Word count: 2165     

Genre: Fluff

Pairing: Natasha x fem!reader 

Warnings: I don’t think there are any but let me know if I need to add something

Request: heyy! can i please request a natashaxfem!reader fic where the reader is shy? i don’t care where you take it, i’m just in need of some fluff with soft nat 🥺 like maybe she finds her shyness to be adorable and cute even though the reader is extremely insecure? no worries if you don’t want to write it!

Summary: Reader is super shy and has a huge crush on Natasha although she can barely talk to her until they spend some time alone together.

A/n: This request was for @rail-me-romanoff so I hope you enjoy it because I had a ton of fun writing this one! Obviously I hope everybody else likes this as well and my requests are always open if anyone has any ideas. To anybody who has already requested something, don’t worry, I’m working on them. Also sorry if this fic has too much dialogue because I just realized it might have a lot. 

You are just heading out of the training room when you bump into Natasha. You’re about to apologize when she speaks first.

“Y/n! I was just looking for you! A few of us are planning on watching a movie in a few minutes and I was wondering if you’d like to join us?” You blush at the thought of spending more time with Natasha, even if the rest of the team will be there. 

“Um, sure, that would be great-what movie? You ask stammering the entire time.

“I don’t know the name,” she responds, “Tony said something about it being a really good horror movie.” You hesitate at the thought because you don’t like horror movies but you decide you want to because it is a perfect way to spend time with Natasha without having to actually talk to her.

“Ok, that sounds good.” You say nervously, before blushing and scurrying away from the training room. Natasha sighs. She doesn’t know what she did wrong because you were perfectly friendly around everyone else but always avoided her and ran away before you could have a proper conversation. She was determined for you to spend time with her, even if that meant her lying about movie plans that she now has to create. She quickly makes her way down to Tony’s lab and bursts in without knocking. 

“There’s been a breach, call security.” Tony says sarcastically as she enters. 

“Tony…” Natasha says while fixing him with her stare. He just gazes back at her, one of the only people that is not easily intimidated by her. “I need you to organize a team movie in less than half an hour, and it has to be horror. Also you have to pretend you came up with this idea days ago.”

“So you’re telling me that I have to gather the team to watch a horror movie in half an hour?” Tony asks and Natasha nods. “No can do.”

“Please Tony!” Natasha practically begs. 

“First of all, that was weird, never do that again. Secondly, why do you care so much?” He asks, very curious and always looking for more gossip. 

“I lied to Y/n and told her that some of us were going to watch a movie because I wanted her to stop avoiding me.” She responds. “But I need you to help me out here.”

“Ooohhhh, someone has a crush!” Tony sing-songs in a very obnoxious tone. 

“I do not,” Natasha defends herself, “I merely wanted to make sure I get along with everyone on the team so missions run smoothly.”

“Sure,” Tony tells her as she starts to walk away, “whatever lets you sleep at night, but I know you have a heart in there Romanoff.” Natasha doesn’t reply and continues walking away, throwing up her middle finger on the way out. 

“Why did I think he would be helpful?” She mutters to herself as she makes her way to her room. It doesn’t take her long to get there but by the time she does she already knows what she’s going to tell you so you didn’t know she was lying before. 

You’re just finishing up giving yourself a quick pep talk in the mirror when you hear a knock on your door. 

“Hey,” you say softy when you open the door, trying to force the butterflies in your stomach to go away.

“Hi,” she replies in a tone that sounds much more confident than yours, “you ready to head over to the living room?” You nod your head as an answer because you don’t trust your voice to speak and follow her as she walks down the hallway. 

“Are you just going to walk behind me?” She asks when she notices that you are trailing behind her. You mumble no under your breath and blush while doing an awkward half jog/half walk thing to catch up to her. You continue the rest of the walk to the living room in silence, every so often looking over at Natasha and then quickly turning away when she thought she might see you. 

“I forgot to mention but Tony is busy and the others decided not to watch either, so it’ll be just you and me.” She says just as you enter the deserted living room. Your whole body tenses up and you feel super nervous. You already were nervous about watching a movie with Natasha when the others were around, so you can’t imagine it without them. 

She seems to pick up on your tense state and asks, “That’s ok with you right?”

“Um, of course, why wouldn’t it be?” You say, trying not to let her catch onto the self doubt that fills your head. You can barely say a few sentences to her but now you have to spend a whole movie together. You’re so caught up in your thoughts you don’t notice that she smiles slightly while letting out a small sigh of relief. 

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466 notes • Posted 2021-01-16 22:28:27 GMT

#2

F*cking up the friendship

Word count: 3501

Genre: Angst and fluff

Pairing: Wanda x Natasha x fem!reader

Warnings: Swearing, alcohol (let me know if I need to add any)

Summary: You sometimes forget Nat and Wanda are dating each other but when they go off on a date you feel sad and add alcohol to the mix, unable to fully control your words around them when they come back.

A/n: I’ve been in a huge wandanat x reader mood recently so you’re probably going to get spammed with a lot of these. Originally this was supposed to be a 1k words get together fluff fic that was suggested to me but then I added angst and other stuff so I decided to make the fluffy get together fic separately. Anyways I hope you all enjoy this, I spent hours yesterday writing so I could finish it in one day. 

You sigh loudly as you flip through Netflix, finding nothing interesting to watch. Usually on a Friday night you would be doing something with Wanda and Nat but today they had told you they had a special date planned so you haven’t seen them at all. It was a completely horrible idea to fall in love with your two best friends who happened to be dating each other but your heart betrayed your brain and now you were stuck in this situation, finding it impossible to get over the two most amazing women you had ever met. Spending nearly all your time with them did not help and everyday you feel your heart break a little when they kiss each other in greeting but only give you a smile. You know you should be thankful for their friendship, and you are, but it also pains you to know that there can never be more. 

You imagine what it would be like to share kisses and wake up wrapped in their arms. One time when you had fallen asleep on the couch after staying up late watching movies with them Natasha had carried you to bed and tucked you in and Wanda had said goodnight with a kiss on your forehead. You never talked about that night because you had pretended to be asleep but you replay it over and over in your mine, wishing that it wasn’t a one time thing. They are so strong, so kind, so smart and just so amazing in every possible way. It’s fitting that they are together but it also sucks to have to watch the perfect people have a perfect relationship while you pine silently, always trying to be a supportive friend. 

You try to think positive thoughts but you can’t help but wonder what they could be doing now which ruins your mood. Nothing on Netflix looks good to watch by yourself with nobody to make fun of cringy rom-coms with or to hide your face in during horror movies. It’s almost scary how much time you’ve spent with them recently and how reliant you’ve come to be on it. Come to think of it you can’t remember the last time they went on a proper date and you start to wonder if by watching movies with them you were actually intruding upon their alone time. You hope they would have been honest and told you if you were but they have always been nothing but nice to you so it’s possible they just didn’t want to hurt your feelings. 

Giving up on watching altogether you throw the remote aside carelessly, wincing when it bounces off the couch and hits the floor with a bang, and stand up. Making your way out of the living room and over to the room where the mini bar is you push all the thoughts from your mind, focusing only on the fact that you really need a drink right now. You don’t bother to turn the lights on when you enter the room, heading straight for the bottles and pouring some whiskey into a glass, much more than a recommended size. 

Sitting down on the couch you take a gulp. It burns and tastes disgusting, you’ve never been one for drinking but tonight you enjoy the feeling, not drinking for pleasure but drinking to hopefully forget. It takes about an hour before your thoughts get all muddled and you feel more relaxed. You slowly start to close your eyes and drift off to sleep when you are woken suddenly by a thump and a stream of curse words. You startle and your hand jerks spilling the rest of your drink all over your lap. 

Natasha and Wanda are standing a few feet in front of you. Natasha is looking at you with an expression you can’t recognize in your inebriated state and Wanda is clutching her foot, looking darkly at the leg of the coffee table. 

“Shit.” You mumble loudly, both at spilling your drink and at seeing them while drunk. This wasn’t supposed to happen, they were supposed to still be gone and now you’ve just embarrassed yourself completely in front of them. 

“Hey, Y/n,” Natasha is at your side in an instant, cupping your face in her hands, “let’s get you cleaned up okay?”

Wanda is there a second later, hovering. “And then maybe you could tell us what’s wrong.”

“Nothhhing’s wrong.” You slur, standing up. “Goodnight.”

“No no no, you’re not going anywhere by yourself right now.” Natasha tells you firmly, grabbing your arm. You don’t protest, partly because you know they are both stubborn and will always win and partly because you secretly want to spend as much time with them as possible. 

“Listen to Nat,” Wanda advises, “can you walk?”

“I can walk.” You say, crossing your arms and trying to look serious

Natasha raises an eyebrow, doing a horrible job at stifling her laughter for a spy. “Show me then.”

You take a few steps forward, looking triumphantly at Natasha before you stumble, arms flailing out and grabbing Wanda to prevent yourself from falling. Wanda helps pull you back up straight and kisses you on the forehead.

“I think the correct answer to the question is no.” She tells you amused. “Let me help you.” 

She doesn’t wait for a response and hooks an arm underneath your shoulders to help support your weight. You lean into her and match her steps, frowning when Natasha hurries away in front instead of walking with you.

“She’s just going ahead to grab something.” Wanda whispers, noticing your expression. You feel your entire body shiver from the sound of her whisper in your ear. Luckily she doesn’t mention it and just tightens her grip around you and continues until you’ve reached their shared room.

You stare at the door in confusion. “What are we doing here?”

“Did you really think we would leave you alone when you’re drunk and obviously upset about something?” She asks rhetorically. “We want to take care of you.”

You’re glad she’s holding you up otherwise you’re afraid you would have melted to the floor from her words alone. She pushes the door open and leads you inside. Natasha is waiting and hands you a pile of clothes. You recognize the bottoms as Wanda’s favourites and the top as Natasha’s shirt. 

“For me?” You ask, confused. She had handed them to you but maybe she actually wanted to give them to Wanda seeing as it’s their stuff.

“Yes for you silly,” she says smiling, “are you able to change by yourself in the bathroom?” You nod, feeling slightly more sober now.

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563 notes • Posted 2021-03-26 17:14:17 GMT

#1

My Tasha

Word count: 7334

Genre: Mostly angst but the ending is fluffy

Pairing: Natasha x fem!reader

Warnings: A sort of suggestive scene? I think that's all (let me know if I need to add any)

Request: congrats on those 500’ love!!! they are well deserved for all of your amazing words 🥺 i was just thinking how cute it be for nat to take a liking to reader, so she tries all those “seductive” tricks the red room taught her, but r just reads it as a cocky fuckboy thing and rejects her? soft!nat appearing later to ask her out? 🥺

Summary: Natasha tries to seduce you at a party but you misunderstand, assuming she's just using you. Both of you mope before realizing what happened.

A/n: Finally I finished this! It was supposed to be 2000 words max but I got carried away and @teenwonder I blame you since you were the one who sent in this idea. I actually really like how this turned out, even if it differs from the prompt slightly so I hope you guys like it too because this probably took at least ten hours to write and I have lost way too much sleep over it. Enjoy!

Natasha looks in the mirror and lifts the corner of her mouth into a slight smile. She looks hot and she knows it, spending hours in front of the mirror perfecting the look. Her eyeshadow screams seduction and her lipstick highlights and colours the natural shape of her lips. Her lashes are curled to perfection and her makeup is applied with the technique she learned years ago that was guaranteed to make people stare. Her hair is straightened because it matches the look and also the last time she straightened it you had complimented her hair so she knows you like it.

Her dress is black, the colour that looks best on her, with a neckline that is dangerously low and the bottom riding dangerously high on her thigh. Her heels are her go to ones for anytime she wants to seduce anyone, they manage to work every time and have become a small symbol of luck for her and tonight she needs all the luck she can get for tonight’s party.

Usually people are easy to seduce, she just has to figure out the likes and dislikes of her target and play up to them. Tonight shouldn’t be much different except for the big added aspect of her actually caring. She’s never had to seduce someone she’s wanted to before so she knows it’s going to be harder than normal. Taking a deep breath she pushes the nerves away and smirks at her own reflection before going to meet everyone in the main room.

Your breath hitches when she walks in and you quickly look away so it doesn’t seem like you’ve been waiting for her arrival. She’s gorgeous, she always is, but tonight there’s something about her that’s different, like she put more effort than usual. You force yourself to stay calm and look away, pretending to still be interested in the conversation you had been having with Carol that you zoned out of the moment Natasha entered the room.

Carol’s looking at you strangely. “What?”

She gives a half laugh. “You think I didn’t notice you drooling over Natasha.”

“That obvious?” you ask and she nods. “Damn.”

“Damn is right, she’s smoking!” Carol whisper-yells, glancing over quickly and then back to you.

“Carol!” you exclaim aghast.

She laughs again. “Don’t worry I’m not trying to steal your girl, after all I have Valkyrie.”

“Yes and you constantly remind me of that.” you mumble which she ignores.

“I’m just saying that some people are already staring at her and are going to be all over her soon, you need to make your move quickly.” she finishes.

“I will.” you tell her, with no real intention of going to talk to her.

“Sure you will,” she says quietly at first before yelling in Natasha’s direction, “Hey Romanoff! Come here.”

Natasha is surprised and she hopes Carol isn’t calling her over because she noticed her staring. Logically she knows that Carol doesn’t want to date you and is dating Valkyrie but it looked far too much like flirting in her opinion. There were whispers and giggles and at one point you got all flustered and embarrassed. She doesn’t like how possessive she feels over you when she has no right to but somehow when it comes to you she can’t quite control herself.

Showing none of the inner thoughts that go through her head she weaves her way over to you. At first some of the team is staring because they got startled by Carol’s yell but a small glare gets them to look away again.

“Hey.” Carol greets when she walks over.

“Hey.” she says back with a smile and it’s not her fault if the smile is a little flirtier than normal and directed more towards where you’re standing. “What’s up?”

“I want to go find Valkyrie and see what’s taking so long for her to come back from the bar but didn’t want to leave Y/n all alone at a party and since you were alone too I thought it would be a great idea for you guys to spend the party together!” she explains quickly. “I’ll come back soon!”

With that she leaves and you and Natasha are left looking at each other awkwardly. She wants to say something to break the silence but all her earlier confidence is gone and she feels like a schoolgirl with her first crush. Which is half true, she is definitely not a schoolgirl but she’s never had feelings like this for anybody before.

“You don’t have to stay here.” you offer, feeling bad that she was forced to come here and babysit you. Carol is your best friend but sometimes you just can’t stand her. This is so uncomfortable and Natasha is looking at you weirdly and you just know that she’ll apologize and leave so she can spend the party with people who actually know how to have fun.

“I know but I want to.” she says and you can’t help looking away shyly and smiling. She smiles herself at your cuteness, now slightly more confident knowing that she can make you react like that.

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675 notes • Posted 2021-04-23 16:01:26 GMT

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MatsuHana fanfic recs

HI LOVES :D MatsuHana is one of my FAVORITE ships and I always love reading their fics! I’m procrastinating my other wips rn, so that do be why this is coming out rn LOL. Also that ask really made me get onto writing this, so anon thank you for sending it in LOL. There are some with VERY sensitive topics and they’re very BOLD, but I hope you all are safe while going through this list <3 (also matsuhana leans more to lots of drinking, spicy smut scenes, and teenage boy humor (like d*ck jokes and sexual innuendos) and sometimes I don’t remember to warn for that, so again CAUTION)

As always, pls check WARNINGS, TAGS, and SUMMARIES for fics before reading and make sure you’re taking care of yourselves (since mental health is key!) Stay healthy loves <3

CP:

plus one by orphan_account (G) 6.1k // this fic made me feel so warm and fuzzy inside LOL. It’s also hilarious and is definitely worth a read! When will I get to share a heart shaped bed with someone :( But I really love it when they just go with the flow of things, and other people are like,,, aren’t you already dating? BUT THEY’RE LIKE UMMM NO? HSAKJSH.

rated m for by orphan_account (T) 10.7k // I love this fic it made me laugh so much throughout the whole thing! The vibes in this fic are immaculate and give me life (we love a good reunion with mystery writers), it is SO good! That’s why you should never leave/stop listening prematurely (@ iwa when he was a single dad fic). 

This gets annoying fast, Makki by Ink_stained_quills (G) 2.3k // IM IN LOVE WITH THIS FIC PLS I COULD NOT STOP CRYING TEARS OF LAUGHTER. This AU needs more fics PLEASE. It was SO freakin’ funny and the other teams KILLED ME. Like how they all approached the problem differently and how some of them (KUROO) asked for help LOL. Please this is so freaking funny go read it.

quidditch gloves, parchment, and custard cream by h_lovely (T) 12.4k // THIS IS SO GOOD, I love this fic. It really takes you through the emotions, and I love all the development in it!!!! Their relationship with one another (but only as homies right? ofc ofc), and even their families loving the other, this fic is so good! Read it even if you don’t like slow burn, you won’t even notice <3333

call me maybe by totooru (T) 33.6k // okay yea another (semi) chat fic,,, fight me. MatsuHana are just funny in general but throw some other characters (like Kuroo) into it and it turns into a comedy show. But the main point of this fic was like the near miss meetings and I think that the misunderstanding were hilarious (as much as I hate misunderstandings LOL).

Magical Mishaps and How to Deal by plumtrees (M) 10.9k // I lost this fic once and I searched for it FOR THE LONGEST TIME. But that’s cause I wanted to reread this masterpiece. IT’S SO FUNNY AND CUTE AND DOMESTIC AND UGH. Also the small angst made me SO SAD. But the ENDING? THE KISSES AHHHHHHH. (I’m yelling a lot BUT that’s cause I really love this fic <3333)

hang out fall in love by carafin (T) 8.6k // I love the Makki hates Mattsun initially but then falls for the irresistible charm he posses trope. It might be my favorite trope for MatsuHana specifically LOL. Like I really love this fic and it has MAGIC. It’s like a magical version of the VA one LOL. But like no radio shows or reunited best friends in this one :(

THESE ARE VERY ANGST!!!!!!!

boiled frogs by reginagalaxia (E) 91.5k // is it possible to hate a character this much? I never realized how much hate/rage I had in me. Really. Like. Imma boutta fight this MF LIKE SQUARE UP. The way I tried to manifest a fake characters death like,,,, Anyway. If my RAGE doesn’t explain how good of a freakin writer they are, then idk what will. PLEASE READ THE TAGS AND WARNINGS, THERE ARE VERY SENSITIVE TOPICS!!!!

Even Though it All Went Wrong by plumtrees (T) 9.2k // THIS IS THE REASON THIS POST CAME TO BE. I love this fic with all my heart (or what’s left of it). Like LOVE as in, this fic really broke me beyond just breaking me. Like. When Oikawa says what he says to Mattsun after the thing (you’re sorry __ _____ __ ____) and the Iwa right after (we know __’__ ___ ______ to make you ____ __ ____) (if you’re wondering wtf I’m putting here, just ctrl F you’re sorry and you’ll see), you cannot believe how hard that hit. GOD. (I am okay if you’re wondering :’)) This is my #1 favorite angst fic of all time and if you are okay mentally and have read the tags and warnings and are fine with them, then please read it. PLEASE READ THE TAGS AND WARNINGS, THERE ARE VERY SENSITIVE TOPICS!!!!

The Truth Comes Out by Your_Friendly_Neighborhood_Pigeon (T) 10.2k // this made me so sad and empty after I read it. Like I just sat there being like wtf did I just read I’m sad now. Again read the tags, there is a suicide attempt but there’s also some cheating in this one. This one also ends happy. PLEASE READ THE TAGS AND WARNINGS, THERE ARE VERY SENSITIVE TOPICS!!!!

New:

kiyala // this writer has a LOT of fluffy MatsuHana and I really love their works! It’s just all (for the most part) really cute and there’s a lotta blurred lines and boundaries that get cleared up (they define what their relationship is but with ~love~) in their fics :) My fav? Making Sense by kiyala (T) 1.5k // it’s very cute and I am one who loves when things just fall into place :D

tookumade // this writer has some of MY FAVORITE MatsuHana fics in it and I’m kinda really sad I don’t get to ramble on about them here :( (dw I will elsewhere LOL) If I had to choose, I would say Remind Me by tookumade (T) 28.6k and Zenith, Nadir by tookumade (T) 10.7k were my absolute favorites, but I cannot choose between them so don’t make me.

plumtrees // I LOVE THIS WRITER OMG. Again, someone who has written my all time FAVORITE fics (did I mention OF ALL TIME?) and I’ve obsessively read some of them too many times :’) Because I already recommended my other faves above, Captured Light by plumtrees (T) 3.5k will be my acting favorite rn. It’s really cute and depicts some really sweet moments between MatsuHana too!

h_lovely // this writer has SO MANY GOOD FICS! I really love their series and their getting together fics are all SO GOOD UGH. I recommended my favorite teen one above, but the other ones I loved are explicit so just check out this writer in general LOL. (I REALLY love mirror flower, water moon, it’s my favorite but it’s E cause some smexy scene happen, but it’s really SO good omfg. Also the roses series IS AMAZING as well!!!!)

cream puffs and carnations; by crossbelladonna (series) 11.6k // AU SERIES!!! I love the AU’s in this series and I really liked the prompts they chose for this MatsuHana week :D My favorite from this series might’ve been there he is again by crossbelladonna (T) 1.6k cause a) I love the mattsun hc in this (for his appearance) and b) IT’S CUTE :D I definitely related to Makki and his not very subtle crushing, and also I like the IwaOi + Makki as friends trope (and then they meet Mattsun), if you couldn’t tell yet LOL.

on the anatomy of crushes by carafin (T) 2.3k // (kinda cp but not LOL) it’s very short and cute and I love it a lot LOL. I love medical AU’s (even though it’s very back burner LOL), but also, like Mattsun saves the day is the move. Like the dedication he has even going on the bus? Especially for a guy? Amazing. I could never :’)

Parallel Lines by orphan_account (T) 16.3k // IN LOVE WITH THIS FIC LIVES IN MY MIND RENT FREE CONSTANTLY. I hate math. Just putting that out here. And while it’s a math fic, IT? IS? SO? GOOD???? And like I love it when characters are smart, like I love intelligent characters so like this was just ajndf. (also same Mattsun, I am allergic to normal math.) 

live it up, drink it in by punybastard (T) 2.1k // GAH this one! This is a pretty iconic fic in MatsuHana hell (in my personal opinion) and if I didn’t have that two fic limit on my staple fics, this would be there. I really loved the ending of it (v cute and v well done), but also the small side stories that were inserted made it all the more entertaining :D (aka the volleyball) But they are drinking underage, so if you’re not about that BE WARNED.

it's cold out here by bishounen_curious (M) 8.6k // PLEASE I LOVE THIS FIC. YES READ YESYESYES READ. OKAY FIRST check tags and warnings, there’s a lot going on in this fic. Like don’t be stupid like them, drinking underage, and don’t do drugs not a good idea very very bad. Aside from that, I am in love with sad sad sad Makki (along with stupid IwaOi) and him being a sad drunk made me ajhkjdfs. Just read it and feel the akfnakjs with me LMFAO.

poolside by tothemoon (T) 4.1k // I’m starting this out with I LOVE the ending and I REALLY LOVE the way this confession panned out. It’s such a great concept and it made me ajhfldshf inside!!! Also, recursive endings are some of my favorites (if you couldn’t already tell LOL), and I think it really makes something so nostalgic and adds depth to a fic.

The Courage of Stars by FairyLights101 (T) 7.1k // AHHHHHHHHHHHHH I LOVE THIS FIC YES!!!! OKAY TW CANCER THERE’S CANCER IN THIS NO DEATH JUST PAIN and chemo (which basically is pain). Some controversy, but the angst part of me wanted him to die DONT GET ME WRONG, I’m glad he lived, but like imagine. I really love this fic, and his efforts in the bucket list were admirable :’)

we could be the greatest team by anyadisee (T) 5.7k // it’s my crack fic :D Yes, this is just Seijoh messing around, boys being boys, relationships being compared with other relationships. No pining, just me with my established relationships (and Iwa fanclubs cause those are a thing. ALWAYS).

Wet Your Whistle by darkmagicalgirl (E) 5.4k // SMUT ALERT okay but like while it’s a major plot point (lmfao I can’t believe myself), the storyline itself is good. Also, I’m all here for bartender Makki and tattoo Makki and not subtle at all Makki and basically everything Makki. I like banter and stupidity okay?

[obnoxious clucking noises] by parenthetic (renaissance) (T) 3.4k // some more crack fic for you <3333 Literally, just idiots being idiots. That’s the fic. LMFAO but seriously, I would like to participate as well,,,,, I have yet to lose a game of gay chicken cause of my lack of fear akdjaslk.

that's what you get (for waking up in vegas) by skittidyne (T) 4.2k // THIS IS SO FUNNY. I love Elvis cause he’s always officiating marriages in my fics LMFAO. But also IwaOi in this added some real nice comedy, and overall another crack fic but I really liked this one (AGAIN LMFAO).

A Bouquet of Flours by guyfierimpreg (G) 5.2k // first I want to know how they got the flour to scream, I just can’t figure it out so if anyone would like to send me pictures that’d be great. Second, they would do this bs and this is all canon. I said what I said, and I don’t take criticism. Like, matsuhana best parents proven by the magical mishaps fic (LMAO).

texting (with a capital S) by parenthetic (renaissance) (M) 2.1k // okay I just wanted to say that the accuracy in the math stuff being mentioned makes me feel like this writer was in calc ab or something and that’s trauma right there. Anyways, it’s a texting fic kinda sorta getting together kinda sorta not? Idk how to explain it, but it was funny and then smut LMFOAJIAHFSJS (the derail was just like IwaOi in gay chicken, someone call the police LMFAO).

nebulas by tothemoon (T) 10.8k // I like the casualness of it. Like the confession was just so casual (smooth Mattsun) and like the progression was GOOD. Like, it’s a very poetic fic and there’s lots of thinking of deeper meaning, but its still got some comedy sprinkled throughout. I really loved the flow of it!!!!

my heart beats for contract law by orphan_account (T) 4.4k // I too would have a breakdown over school (me pretending like I haven’t already done that ahaha), but I really love so many things about this fic! Everything was just so ajsdfljdsn and I really love the 3 part plan Mattsun comes up with :DDDD (esp pt 3). Also, to propose while having an emotional breakdown at 3am in a McDonalds drive through. A mf dream.

Reflex by hiuythn (T) 2.3k // PLEASE IF THEY DIDN’T MEET AT HS THIS WOULD BE CANON ASF. You cannot tell me you don’t think this would not be cannon asf. They would meet like this. Also poor Teuchi stuck in the middle of all of this. I haven’t watched naruto, but it doesn’t really matter. What matters is random emotional sexual bonding over something. That is important. (THE ENDING AJKFHKJ)

You're in Pink (and I'm in blue) by Hyeyu (T) 4.4k // whooooo Hanahaki whooo anyway, despite how it seems, I like the hanahaki trope. I don’t fully understand it sometimes (most of the time tbh), but it adds some nice angst and desperate confessions, and I do appreciate those :D Honestly, I really liked the way this fic panned out, and I felt really bad for Iwa LOL.

stranger things by tinypersonhotel (G) 10.2k // I really like this one :D:D:D I love Makki + Oikawa friendship and they’re really the best to each other :’) The ending was satisfying, and the PLOT omg. It was SO good. I feel like I say this a lot though LOL, but I’m just really into fics with good plot progression (or else I don’t read them OOPS).

something of a disaster by latenights (T) 1.4k // chaos ahahhaha. Another crack fic? I hope no one is surprised LOL. It’s just a really short and simple, cute getting together fic with a LOT of insults LOL. I love this one in particular, “Tooru’s dinner special”.

snakes, meth labs and something like love by orphan_account (G) 3.6k // THE ROOMMATE AD PLEASE. I honestly would never think Oikawa would get a snake, but that doesn’t matter LOL. This was me indulging myself in the makki IwaOi best friends and mattsun stranger agenda but it’s a great agenda okay? It’s a good fic and there’s a microwaved fish :D

Lemonade by carriecmoney (T) 4.1k // okay once again, responsible drinking and don’t drink underage bad idea smh. But MatsuHana just making out where they want? I could see that. Yeah. Anyway, as much as public make out seshes make me *gag* feel embarrassed, what made me feel more *gag* embarrassed was the fact that the girls? just? stood? there? Like why are you watching this. Is that just me? I feel like they should’ve left smh.

surprise, surprise by airblends (T) 7.6k // some more pining and dancing around the issue whoooo. As much as I hate them not getting to the point (almost as much as I hate misunderstandings), it was a great fic. This is nosebleed c*ck block (idk if I needed to censor that but I did fight me).

A God for Every Season by timkons (T) 18.4k // I love the Hades and Persephone trope! Okay, I just love mythology leave me be, but anyway I really love a lot of this fic. Like how Mattsun thinks it’s a little brighter with Makki? CUTE I LOVE. But also, the fish funeral is ridiculous but also very on brand for Oikawa. And some BokuKuroo (idk is that their ship) in here as well :DDD

The Best/Worst Places to Cry in the City by AngryKitten (T) 4.4k // literally it is the title. Just you know, looking for the best place to cry in the city,,,, I’d like to say, don’t cat call people cause we’re not about that here. Even if it worked out for them, just don’t do it :/ Also don’t follow strangers. I feel like that’s a given but jic ya know?

this isn't exactly how i thought i'd be spending my adult years by jadedpearl (NR) 7.5k // okay petty Makki is yes and so is my Makki + IwaOi agenda LOL. (I’m thriving here can’t you tell? Yes regular skype/phone calls constantly) Anyway, blackouts and sickness really be here getting people together. (I’m asking nicely, nike.) And Makki is smooth with his words. (SHORTER MEN MADE ME LAUGH)

chocolate by tellalie (T) 3.6k // the dedication in this fic was amazing. Like making a whole a cake? Someone go do that for me. (For mankind.) Fake dating is really something else, but fake dating to out gag your best friends? Seems like I need to step up my game (but no seriously, my best friends are PDA monsters I hate it here). Also practice confessions are wack.

FINALLY I MADE IT. You don’t know how many times I almost gave up on finishing LMFAO. Is this my longest list? Idk. But I just know that I would’ve finished faster if I didn’t end up rereading almost every fic on this list LMFAO. Like no seriously I almost had to make a post saying this wouldn’t be coming out cause I got distracted by one of the longer fics (I’m blaming Mirror Flower, Water Moon specifically). But I hope you enjoyed this, and once again go thank that anon for spurring me into finishing this list LMFAO (am I a horse? Yea, probably but if one thing, I’m not sturdy).