#at first i was like maybe nathan is right but i was pretty over it by like midway through lol

[tastesousweet]

⭒ the girl with the tattoo (v) - pt 1 pt 2 p3 p4

matt sturniolo x fem!oc / reader

summary : y/n and matt don't have to like each other to continue this thing of theirs, right?

warnings : implications of sex, alcohol, mention of weed, ???

mickey speaks : THANK U FOR THE LOVE ON THIS SERIES!!! sorry if this part feels shorter than the usual !! things get cute in next few parts...

THIS IS PART FIVE GO READ THE OTHERS FIRST OK

"SHE'S sick again?" remi asks, scooting herself further into the booth.

"yeah, i think it's her sinuses or something. she seemed pretty bummed about staying home, i feel awful." andrea pouts while glancing at the menu.

"she's the only person to ever be sick this often in june," remi giggles.

"we should order something to-go for her then. maybe soup?" erin suggests.

"that sounds nice, i'll text her- hopefully she's awake."

౨ৎ

"i can't keep telling my friends i'm sick." you huff as you walk back into your room to find matt redressing.

"why not?" his voice is muffled through his shirt as he tugs it over his head, leaving his hair ruffled.

you lay yourself on your bed lazily, "because they're smart enough to stop believing me soon."

"and why can't they just mind their business?" he looks over to you before reaching down to adjust the white shoes on his feet.

you stretch an arm out to grab your phone from your side table, mumbling, "you must not have friends who worry for you.”

he shakes his head then sighs, “sure, my friends care about me, but they also know when to leave me the fuck alone.”

“right, and my friends know me well enough to know i’m never asking to be left alone.” your comment comes out with more sass than you intended but you know he doesn't understand (or care to understand) your friendships enough to comment on them. then again, you were the one who brought this up in the first place.

"mmm...right. forgot you're just a little insane," he tsks, looking into your mirror and adjusting his shirt some more.

"shut up, matt," you continue staring at your phone, though it's only open to your home screen because you're far more engaged in the conversation than anything your phone could give you. "okay actually, what should i dooo?" you whine.

"i sure as hell won't know?!" his face twists up as he turns to look at you, "you're a smart girl, i'm sure you can figure it out."

you roll your eyes, "'kay... well maybe i've picked up a hobby...like, i dont know, painting! and i just really enjoy painting all alone, 'cause it helps me...focus?"

matt sarcastically laughs through his words, “you’re weird as shit,” he throws your plush throw blanket (that fell on the floor when you pushed matt on your bed just an hour ago) at you. “alright, i’m headin’ out.”

you don’t even give him a second look, “bye.”

౨ৎ

a few cheers of “ayy” and “look who made it” echo out from across the small alley as matt tucks his keys in his front pocket.

he looks over to see chris excitedly pointing at him with an arm hooked on nathan’s neck and another close friend, elijah, sitting on an oversized couch with a smile.

matt chuckles under his breath and walks closer to them, taking in the rowdy and neoned atmosphere of this downtown bowling alley. “what’s good?” he greets his group of friends.

“what’s good with you?” nathan counters with a grin as he moves to dap up matt.

matt shrugs into the handshake as eli begins to speak and stand up, “yeah, where the fuck are you comin' from?”

“home. don’t worry about it,” matt defends as his tongue guides over his hidden smile with a loose shrug of a shoulder.

“nooo! just say it how it is, matt,” chris says through a bite of nachos, “you slept in late and forgot about boys night, big fucking deal. you’re here now!” he throws his hands up before letting them fall to his sides dramatically.

matt slowly nods his head in sarcastic agreement as he faces his friends, "he's right."

he almost wants to laugh at the fact that chris actually believed his fake-sleeping enough to let him off the hook for "forgetting" their group hangout.

cameron wanders over to the group after taking his turn bowling, “‘kay, nate it’s your turn.” he then quips his chin up with a sudden grin, "hey, matt! about time you showed."

"better late than never," he breathes before joking, "you know i had to let you guys get at least a round in before i got here to start dominating."

“the word choice is a bit insane,” nick exaggerates as he approaches with arms full of bottled water and soda cans, "how about you go get your fucking shoes before you make that kind of claim." he moves around matt to place drinks on the coffee table (decorated with various bowling ball and pin themed clutter that made nick way to happy when first seeing it).

elijah places a hand on matt's shoulder, "i'll come with you, matt."

౨ৎ

"sick baby, i'm home nowww!" andrea yells from the front door.

you mentally gather yourself to continue your deception. you add weight to your eyelids, purposely making them droop and make your voice extra scratchy, as if you'd only just awoken.

andrea's at your door quickly, only tapping it slightly open, not wanting to blind you with the harsh yellowed lighting of the hallway. "hi, you up?"

you tussle under your comforter and give a small nod, "mhm."

"do you think you're like, contagious? i have your soup here and really wanna tell you some shit about tonight." she smiles warmly.

"no you're fine. please come in, i've been all alone and bored as hell," you rub your eye softly for effect.

you feel pretty guilty about this whole thing but you aren't hiding anything tragic from her. and this "illness" hasn't ruined that many hangouts...only the one's that happen to fall on days matt texts you.

"i hate to see my favorite bitch down like this, this soup better make you feel better immediately." she sighs as she comes into your room, noisy plastic bag in hand.

"i know," you lift yourself to sit up against your headboard as she sits next to you, "think i should be all better soon. i can't miss another shift at the bakery."

you were never missing work for matt, but to cover your ass you did miss a day or two of work to show your friends just how "sick" you were. if you were sick enough to stay home from work you surely were sick enough to avoid a girls night or two. but you guess it technically does come down to matt...unfortunately.

"yeah, i'm sure mr. houffman will lose it of you call off again," she giggles, sifting through the bag for your soup and silverware.

౨ৎ

barely a week later and you're feeling the best you have in a while, with the guilt of pretending to be sick no longer following you.

it's the fourth of july so there was absolutely no way you'd be continuing that act. you weren't missing out on a holiday with as many parties as this one.

and when chris asked andrea to get the girls to come party hop for the night, you told her yes immediately.

you're currently sat atop a random kitchen counter as nick moves around to make a concoction cocktail for you. you lean back on your hands to watch as he uses a knife to slice a small lime as garnish. "wow you really have an eye for this shit, nick," you laugh at his focused stare (he tries to compensate for any drinks he's had so far, not wanting to slice a finger off).

"i guess i'm just a natural!" he exclaims as he places the lime on the rim of the plastic cups, "okay, one for you," you take it from him, "and one for me." he grins at you.

"cheers!" you motion your drink towards him and he echoes you before you both take large sips.

your eyes pinch before they grow wide, "...why's it actually...good?" you laugh.

"you bitch! you thought i'd give you a shitty drink?!" he giggles and goes for another sip of his own.

"it's not that-"

you're cut off by matt's voice, "alright, time to dip. everyone's sayin' this place is really weird."

you both look over at him with his mellow attitude and perfectly organized outfit (so that he'd 'have all the colors but not look like a walking american flag'). "what? this place has been a good time so far! right, nick?"

"suppperrrr fun. maybe it's a you problem, matt." he jokes.

"come on, chris is the one who sent me to get you two. you know i would've left you both a few houses back." he teases.

you slide off of the counter easily, "okaaay," you look into his eyes and pat his chest twice mumbling, "someone needs a smoke break," before walking off in search of the door.

"wait y/n!" nick grabs a few sealed jello shots from an ice bucket nearby before rushing after you.

though he doesn't catch up to you before matt does, grabbing your hand, "you don't even know where the fuck you're going."

you breathe out defeated, "i'm sure i could've figured it out. i don't need you bossing me around."

matt pouts with squinted eyes and his head tilted, "sure."

nick comes up to you, continuing to stuff the shots into his jort pockets, "do these shorts make my ass look fat?" he turns to show you his side profile (already giggling before the punchline of his joke lands) that showcases the multiple items shoved into his back pockets and protrude out in awkward shapes.

you and nick both fall into a laughing fit and matt only ghosts a smile at his brother's stupidity before tugging your hand towards an exit. "wait! here, hold this please," you hand your drink to matt and reach your hand out for nick's. when he takes your hand willingly you raise your conjoined hands with a smile, "aw, we're like a little train!"

nick adds to the joke by pretending to be a conductor, exclaiming all the cliche lines he knows to make you laugh.

matt finally pushes a front door open, the warm summer air finally surrounding you once more. the rest of the group chatter along the sidewalk across the street. "my friends!" nick yells.

the three of you make your way down the wooden stairs (that seem to be steeper when going down than they were to walk up), and once you're in the grass your hand drops from matts's as nick drags you across the street quickly to crash into your friends.

remi's face is annoyed and confused at first but changes immediately when she recognizes your face. she throws her arms around you for a hug, "y/n! you were found!" you laugh into her neck as she sways back and forth.

"okay guys i'm thinking we hit up the place that the end of this block, right there. they've got some crazy lights goin' on so it should be fun." chris points in the direction and looks to the group for opinions.

"yeah! let's do it!" nate encourages.

the group begin to walk down the sidewalk (and slightly into the grass) lined with miniature american flags and past the many houses full of people and decorated with fairy lights and expensive garland.

naturally, everyone gravitates into cliques due to the amount of small conversations happening at once.

"that's unreal!" erin adds while hanging her arm on your shoulder, as you both listen to remi's dramatic retelling of some guy's awful flirting with her.

"i''m so over these trash ass men," remi shakes her head.

"tell me about it," erin sighs, rolling her eyes.

just as you begin to add your own opinion, matt taps your shoulder. he seems to always find a way to interrupt you. you glance behind you and see him holding your cocktail from earlier up.

"oh thanks, i forgot you had that," erin leans off of you to give you space to turn around and grab it.

though her eyes linger on matt for a second too long causing him to send her a smile and raise his eyebrows slightly in awkward question.

you feel the tension bite at the air around you and in hopes of escaping it, you turn back around and prompt remi with a new topic to discuss.

only, now you miss when erin gives matt a second glance back- and this time she offers a gentle wave and smile to him, in truce.

౨ৎ

after a few more stops at parties (you all got a little greedy about the free drinks and food which brought three extra "one more"s before deciding to cut it off), you all head to a nearby park to end the night with a firework show.

it was surprisingly well organized, with blankets already laid out around the large grassy area so that anyone could sit and watch whether they'd planned to or not.

the night has started to get the slightest bit cooler which was much needed after such an eventful three hours, leaving everyone exhausted in their comfortable spots; chris resting his head against andrea's full thighs, you next to her with your legs sprawled and arms extended behind you, nick and nathan both sat with their legs crossed, admiring the bright fireworks despite nick's flinching every-so-often.

the blanket next to you hosts erin, remi, matt, and cameron. all laying out as they laugh and talk, which you assume comes from a combination of the edibles they'd all taken at one of the parties and remi's addictingly outgoing nature that can force anyone to want to talk to her.

the booming fireworks go on for another twenty minutes before dying down and leaving the crowd in the dark, smokey air.

as you adjust to standing and take out your phone to use as a makeshift flashlight, you read the most recent of your many notifcations:

MATT - 12:36 AM

you down to paint after this???

you bite at your freshly chapped bottom lip before looking over to matt, who's currently using his hands obnoxiously to explain something he's clearly passionate about to cameron.

you sliently sigh before replying:

YOU -12:47 AM

sure

꩜⋆ ˚｡⋆🎱˚

tag list (ily):

@rootbeerworshiper @deadxrx @breeloveschris @saintsturn @honestlybabymiracle @hearts4chris @starrysturniolo @blissfulbellss @aoxash

[my-secret-shame-but-fanfiction]

Fever

Nathan Bateman x F!Reader • Rating: 18+ pals Masterlist• ao3• want to be tagged? | request info

Summary: “You’ve heard of a good night orgasm, right? Well, this is a get well one.” Nathan's sick and has a pretty strange idea for a cure.

A/N: Nathan brainrot so big atm guys. Nathan and Reader are already in a relationship.

Warnings: oral sex (f receiving), p in v sex, banging when someone's ill, swearing, typos, overuse of italics, please let me know if I've missed a warning.

Word Count: 2870

________________________________

Nathan was surprisingly good when you were ill. Attentive, caring, considerate. 

You’d asked him about it once, his offhand reply being a mumbled: “If there’s a bug in a system, you fix it, you don’t just wait and hope it’ll sort itself out.”

When Nathan was sick however, it was a completely different story. 

He was absolutely god fucking awful to deal with. 

Grumpiness up to eleven. Snapping at everything and refusing to slow down or take a break. Working himself to the point of exhaustion and then further still. 

It was idiotic. But it was Nathan.

So when you walked into the living room to see him on the sofa, curled up and looking washed out it was a bit unexpected. 

He definitely wasn’t hung over, hung over Nathan was a sight to behold. Constantly trying new concoctions and cures that you were sure wouldn’t have been out of place in a history book about medieval torture.  

You paused, a little frown forming on your forehead. Uncertain at first if he was sleeping or not, and whether to disturb him. 

He seemingly made the decision for you. “Baby?” He flopped his hand onto the back of the sofa, vaguely in your direction, and groped around a little, his eyes still closed. 

He sounded weak, drawn in, and sorry for himself. Very unlike the Nathan you were used to. 

You moved to him quickly, taking his hand and squeezing before leaning down and placing your cool hand on his feverish forehead. 

He let out a little sigh of contentment. 

“You’re sick.” You muttered, kissing his temple. 

“No.” He grumbled. There he was, there was your Nathan. He kept his eyes closed.

“Uh huh.”

“Uh uh.” He tugged on your hand lightly, moving it closer to his chest. “Not sick.” 

“What’s wrong then?” 

“Bateria, or viruses. Invading my bloodstream.” 

“So… sickness then?” 

He cracked open his eyes to give you a look. “Come lay down with me?” 

The puppy dog expression nearly got you, Nathan was very good at sweetness when he wanted something. 

“So you can get me sick?” You chuckled. 

“Yes.” He pouted. 

“Are you admitting you’re unwell?” 

“Just lay down with me.” He grumbled, his usual sarcasm didn’t quite have the same bite when he looked as if he might nod off at any moment. 

“Okay.” You pretended that it was a huge effort on your part, moving to sit. But Nathan shifted quickly, a little too quickly, as small multi-colored spots danced in front of his eyes. And urged you into laying down flat on your back, your head against the armrest, before snuggling up to you. 

He laid his head on your chest and breathed out deeply, closing his eyes once more. 

You put your arm around him, just nudging him a little closer and he let out a little murmur of comfort. 

He nodded off almost immediately, breathing softly against you. 

With the sudden technical skill of a surgeon, you managed to fish your phone out of your pocket without disturbing him and spent the better part of 40 minutes browsing mindlessly. 

Nathan shifted, groaning a little as he moved. He stayed quiet for a few seconds and you thought he had fallen back asleep before he sighed again and looked up at you. Blinking his eyes heavily. 

“What time is it?” 

“Nearly 12:30.” 

“Ugh.” He rolled his eyes and buried his face back into your chest. “I feel like shit.” His breath was hot. 

“You look like shit too.”

“Thanks.”

You rubbed his back and smiled. “Can I get you anything?” 

“No.” His voice was still muffled from where he was pressed against you. “A new body maybe.” 

You leant a little closer and whispered conspiratorially. “That can be arranged.” 

Nathan sniggered into you and stretched, flopping his left leg over both of yours. 

The press of his hard cock against you made you pause. 

You said nothing for a moment, just waiting until he slowly started to grind against your leg. A subtle action, seemingly trying to be sneaky about it. 

“Nathan.”

“Hmm?” He said, keeping his head tucked into your chest. 

You put your phone down. “What are you doing?” You said in a sing-song voice. 

“... Nothing.” 

You pressed your leg against his crotch and he moaned loudly, his fingers digging into your skin. 

“Sure, sounds like nothing.” You tease.

He groaned and looked up at you, a small pout on his lips. “It’s not my fault.”

“Isn’t it?” 

He grumbled quietly, shifting again in a pretense moving so that he could prop himself up on his elbow. But really using it as an excuse to grind up against you again. 

“No,” he sulked, his cheeks a little flush. “It’s not. Can’t help it.” 

“Can’t you?” You teased, unable to stop smiling. 

“No, not when you’re all close and, ugh,” he groaned, burying his head between your breasts and pushing them up against his face, “these are right here.”

You laughed loudly. “Am I that distracting?” 

He nodded. “Very.” 

You chuckled again. “Sorry.”

“I was dreaming about you.”

“Yeah?” 

“Hmm.” 

“Good dream?” 

He moaned softly and shifted again, settling fully on top of you and weakly rubbing his dick against your thighs. “Yeah.” 

You grinned. “I’m not fucking you while you’re sick Nathan.” 

He let out a low groan of frustration. “I’m not sick.” 

“Yes you are.” 

“Finnneee, I’m sick, but fucking you would cure me, I’m sure of it.” 

You can’t stop giggling at the weak lamenting tone he’d quickly adopted. 

He grinned, chuckling before he quickly schooled his face back into a pout and puppy dog eyes. “Pretty please?” 

You laughed harder.

“Don’t you love me?” He batted his eyes at you. 

The fit of giggles wouldn’t stop. 

“Come on,” he sat up a little, leaning closer so that his face was near yours. “You’ve heard of a good night orgasm, right? Well, this is a get well one.” 

“A get well orgasm?” 

“Yeah, you know? Releases endorphins, makes your white blood cells work faster, kills bacteria…” He gave you a lopsided grin. “I’m convincing you, aren’t I?”

“I’m glad you’re not a biologist.” 

He purposefully poked out his bottom lip. “Please? I’m sick.”

“Nathan.” You grinned, enjoying his little display far more than you would ever let on. 

“You’re meant to take care of me.” 

“And, why is that?” You lean closer to his face, nearly brushing your lips against his and moving back slightly when he tried to close the gap. 

He groaned a little, wiggling his hips between your legs and you let him. “Because you’re kind, because you love me.” 

“I don’t know about that.” You teased. 

“Because you love me.” He repeated, giving you a little glare. “Because it’ll help, and…” he sighed, purposely dropping his shoulders and failing his arms a little.

This was too good. Far too good. Something about his slightly forlorn brattiness was just so endearing. “And?” 

“And I’m really fucking horny okay? Like so horny, like just let me rub against you and I’ll cum in my pants and take some medicine and go to sleep, I promise.” 

You bite your lips together and smile. “You’d actually take some medicine?” 

He nodded. Nathan not shutting down the idea of taking pills was a feat on its own. 

“Alright.” 

His whole face lit up. “Alright?” 

You laugh and nod. “Yeah, but you gotta behave, take the tablets, and rest, yeah? Work on getting better.” 

He nodded quickly. Seemingly finding new energy as he sat up a little. 

“Okay,” you began to move your legs, intending to get up from the settee and drop to your knees. 

“No, no, no,” Nathan hooked his hand behind your knee, urging you back to your previous position. “Please, stay here, hmm? I want to…” He pulled at your waistband softly. 

You took pity on him. “Do you want these off?” 

“I want it all off.” 

You sighed exasperatedly, an over the top sound for his benefit only. But you smiled as you did so. Quickly, you began to pull off your clothing. “You sure you’ll be okay, I don’t want you passing out or dying on me.” 

Nathan sniggered. “I’ll be fine.” 

He helped you out of your top and pulled your trousers off your feet before dumping your clothes in a pile on the floor. 

He let out a satisfied groan and kissed your breasts, nuzzling into your skin happily. 

You laughed as his beard tickled your skin. 

“Gonna make you feel so good,” he mumbled, breaking away from the embrace only to pull off his hoodie. 

“The point of this is to make you feel good.” 

He tutted and rolled his eyes, “yeah, yeah.” 

“Don’t ‘yeah, yeah’ me, Bateman, I’ll-”

With a surprising speed, he leant up and kissed you hungrily, slipping his tongue into your mouth and grinding his still clothed erection against your core. 

He broke the kiss, grinning wildly when you moaned. 

You scowled. “Trying to give me your germs?” 

“Oh, you’ve already been exposed to them, baby.” 

“That doesn’t mean I want to be exposed to them anymore,” you playfully swatted at his arm. 

“Yeah, yeah,” he grinned before gently taking your nipple into his mouth, sucking on it softly before lapping at it with board flat licks. 

You squirmed under him, your thighs clenching around his waist instinctively. Your breathing hitched and you tried to get a hold of yourself. “What’s with all this ‘yeah, yeah’ attitude?”

“Sorry,” he mumbled, scooting further down your body. “You’ll have to fuck it out of me I guess.” He gave you a perfectly innocent smile before diving between your legs. 

You didn’t know whose moan was louder, yours or Nathan's, the second his lips and tongue touched your core. 

He laps broad strokes through your folds, ending with a swirl of his tongue around your clit before repeating the whole process over again. He groans with each lick, unable and unwilling to stop himself from grinding against the settee as he sucked your clit into his mouth. Humming happily when you buck and arch up against him. 

He looked up at you, watching your face as you moan with his large doe eyes blown wide with lust. 

Teasingly, he dips his tongue into your heat, growling from deep within his chest as new wetness flows out of you. He slides up again, achingly slowly to your sensitive bundle of nerves. 

Slowly he circles it twice with the very tip of his tongue, drawing out the sensation as you gasp and moan under him, before attacking you with long, wide licks fully against your clit. Repeating the motion again and again and again until you can’t even begin to think of anything else. 

“Nathan,” you moan, your thighs shaking, your breath catching in your throat as you beg him to go faster, harder, anything. “Please.”

He ignores you, seemingly content to continue his onslaught at the exact same pace and firm pressure. But his eyes twinkle as you plead. 

You try to buck up against him quicker, moving your hips so you can reach that sweet peak that’s so tantalisingly close. 

Nathan predicts your movement, knowing all your moves, and leans up slightly with every thrust, only allowing the same constant press and glide of his tongue against you. 

“Nathan, Nathan, please,” you implore him as your release creeps closer, sparking up your spine and down your legs. 

He keeps his pace, watching you with glee as he slowly pushes you over the edge. 

You cry out loudly, your thighs clamping around his head as he continues to lap at you. Pleasure washes over you as your cum soaks into his beard. He allows himself a split second of a pause to savour it, moan quietly at the taste, before his eyes are back open and he’s continuing those long, long licks. 

As you start to come down your legs relax and Nathan pushes them lightly back down, still not taking a break in his actions. 

“Nathan,” you whine, tingles of oversensitivity running over your clit. 

He keeps his eyes on your face, hungry and wild. “Uh uh,” he mumbles against you, still licking. 

You squirm, trying to get away from his tongue even as pleasure starts to build up again. You know that if you really wanted him to stop all you had to do was say the word and he would. 

This time your orgasm builds faster, hardly waiting until your first has finished. 

You rock against his mouth, moving with him as he sneaks his hand under your ass and starts to urge you to chase his tongue. 

He presses into you harder, pushing at you with his hand until you’re nearly curled up on yourself. And he doesn’t stop, doesn’t give you pause as he pushes you closer and closer, relentless in his need to get you to cum on his tongue one more time. 

Your moan reaches an even higher pitch as you grasp at the cushions and sofa, trying to gain any traction to thrust up against him harder. 

Nathan takes his cue, quickly latching onto your clit and sucking, flicking the tip of his tongue lightly over the very tip and you scream. 

Pleasure burns along your nerves, whiting out your vision as you buck against him uncontrollably, cumming so hard you see stars. 

He moans, continuously sucking and following your movements, allowing you to rut against his face however you want as you cum. 

The next thing you know he’s kneeling between your open legs, his beard satuatured with your wetness. 

He suddenly doesn’t look ill at all, and you begin you wonder if you’ve been had. 

For a second he watches your chest rapidly rise and fall as your breathing slows before he is taking himself in hand and notching the head of his fat cock at your entrance. 

His eyes flick up to your face for a second, silently asking. 

You nod, too exhausted to do much more, and then he’s pushing in. 

You gasp, the stretch of him is always a little surprising at first, especially when you’re spread this wide. 

Nathan bites his lip, easing in slowly and gazing down at you like you’re a banquet set out just for him. 

He slides in deeper, inching himself in and running his hand up the back of your left thigh, pressing firmly and helping to angle you so your leg is flush against his stomach and chest. 

You let out a little whine as he bucks, finally sheathing himself completely. 

Nathan gasps, his eyes rolling back as your walls squeeze him, and holds on tightly to the leg pressed to his chest. 

He doesn’t start to thrust harshly like you expect, doesn’t piston in and out of you, instead, he starts to grind slowly, barely pulling out and keeping you pressed tightly against him. 

His fingers dig into your leg, his other hand going down to softly circle your throbbing clit as he rocks and buries his face into your calf. 

You can tell he’s close, the way his stomach muscles tense, how his eyes are screwed shut. You move a little, leaning up slightly so you can meet his deep grinds. For a second, you open your mouth to speak, intending to tell him that it’s okay, that he should just let go and cum like you know he’s desperate to. 

But he moves his leg forward, changing the angle he’s kneeling at and you sob in pleasure as his head hits perfectly deep. 

You fall back a little with the intensity, unable to control yourself as he moves and does it again. 

His eyes are open ever so slightly now, watching you with his bottom lip between his teeth and whimpering as you fall apart under him. 

“There?” He whispers and you nod, sobbing as he repeatedly grindes into you, pushing firmly against the same spot over, and over, and over. 

You’re unable to form words, unable to think as he just keeps rocking, pushing you further and further into the sofa, splitting you open so completely and shattering your sanity. 

You don’t know how much more of this you can take, pleasure running like a live wire along every nerve so that it’s almost painful, almost too much to bear. 

Nathan lets out a deep groan, slipping ever so slightly forward so that he has to put his hand next to your head, almost caging you in. His eyebrows pinched together in ecstasy. “Baby…” 

And that’s it. That’s what throws you over the edge. 

You grab hold of his shoulders as you cum, hard. Surprised at the suddenness and intensity. The force of it robs you of words, of breath as you shake and tense, your toes curling as you clench down on his cock and milk him for everything he’s got. 

Nathan cums a second later, watching you fall apart and moaning out your name as he feels you pulse around him. He keeps himself fully in you, cumming as deeply as he can before pressing his forehead to yours and breathing deeply. 

“I feel better.” He whispers, worn out and exhausted, before he kisses you. 

____________________________________ 

Thank you for reading!

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[t-lostinworlds]

Treasure Be Damned | Nathan Drake

》 PAIRING: movie!nathan drake x female!reader

》 TROPE/GENRE: childhood best friends to lovers; angst; fluff

》 SUMMARY: Nathan wished it didn't take something drastic to happen for him to finally realize what he felt for you. And no matter how much that gold was worth, you will always be his greatest treasure.

》 WARNINGS: both are orphans (mentioned), tech genius!reader, protective!nathan, switch pov halfway thru, kinda canon divergent (a.k.a. i made slight changes to some scenes from the movie), pining, jealousy jealousy, idiots in love, some angst, kidnapping, canon level violence, injuries, love confessions and a cute fluffy ending.

》 WORD COUNT: 5.4k+

A/N: hello! me again with another fic. this may seem super random but this was commissioned by the lovely @theslayerofthevampires ! thank u so so much hun <3 my first ever commission btw. trying to stick to a certain word count was actually quite interesting to me alskalsk but this was fun to write and i hope i did it justice!

+ also i couldn't think of a better title and the summary is kinda cheesy but we love cheese in this house so alksalkslaks

📍 BLOG NAVIGATION ✩ MAIN MASTERLIST

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You and Nathan had been best friends for as long as you could remember.

When he punched a guy twice his size all because they made you cry on your first day at the orphanage, he quickly gained your trust and loyalty. It was reciprocated when you dumped all your lunch on a kid when they poked fun about why his brother left him.

You two had been inseparable ever since.

Nathan was protective of you, and you were protective of him.

As years passed, that protectiveness only grew tenfold. With it came the care and affection that went from strictly platonic to something warmer, sweeter.

For you, at least.

You couldn't pinpoint when it started, all you knew was that everything Nathan did for you suddenly felt special—like it was solely for you.

The change wasn't outright. It was a slow realization, when the little things he did made your heart grow warmer and beat faster all the same.

At first, you thought it was a simple crush—a silly phase, that with time, it would fade.

But no.

As months moved to years, it went from something that lingered to something you couldn't escape from.

The moment you truly figured that what you felt about him wasn't as simple as an adoration for your best friend was on your eighteenth birthday.

Nathan had spent all the money he saved from working odd—and honest, he made sure to make that known—jobs on a silver necklace.

Maybe you watched way too many romcoms, maybe it was all in your rose-tinted head, but there was an underlying romance in the way he stood behind you, so close and warm, as he put the necklace on for you.

With bated breath, you let him, trying your best not to melt over his simple touch. His fingertips brushed against your skin so delicately but felt electric in all the right ways.

You only regained your breathing when he finally stepped back. Yet he took it away a moment later when he gently tapped the charm—shaped like a compass—sitting between your collarbone, a fond smile on his lips when he said,

"So you'll always find your way back to me."

How could you not fall in love?

What a cliché.

Falling in love with your childhood best friend.

It would've been cute if it was reciprocated.

But whatever he saw you as was strictly platonic.

You were constantly reminded of how unrequited your love was with the hook-ups he brought back to the apartment.

You had agreed to be his roommate to help lessen the expenses. Even though you had only recently moved in together, you were starting to doubt if it was a good idea—for your heart's sake, anyway.

It didn't even stop there.

Because here you were once again, sporting an ache in your chest as you watched him flirt with a blonde girl at the bar.

As much as you enjoyed visiting him at work, seeing him flirt with the pretty customers regularly will always leave a bad taste in your mouth.

Jealousy.

A feeling you shouldn't be entertaining in the first place. You were just a best friend. You had no right to go all green-eyed whenever you saw him with another girl.

Nathan Drake wasn't yours.

You didn't even realize that you were too deep into your thoughts until a familiar voice brought you out of it.

"You okay?"

You blinked, looking up to see Nathan regarding you with brows furrowed in concern.

"Huh?"

"You've been glaring at that thing for a good minute now," he explained, nodding at the personalized cocktail he made for you.

He always did that whenever you stopped by, experimenting with new mixes he thought you'd enjoy solely based on how well he knew you. You give him your honest feedback in return. It was your own little game.

"Is it bad?"

"No, no, no," you said, taking a sip before smiling. "I liked it."

"Just 'like', damn. I need to step up my game," he sighed in feigned disappointment. When you didn't react as much, he added, "What's wrong?"

"Nothing."

Nathan looked at you for a moment, lips pursed as he shook his head.

"You're such a bad liar."

"I'm not," you scoffed, playfully rolling your eyes. "You just know me so well."

"I do," he hummed, grin turning proud. "I also know when something's bothering you so, what's up?"

"Girl things." You shrugged, trying to seem nonchalant. You could tell it confused him, because he was never uncomfortable to talk about those topics with you. But before he could even question it, you quickly added, "I think I'm going to head home first. You didn't forget your keys, right?"

"That was one time," he grumbled, eyeing you for a moment because he obviously didn't buy your excuse. A second later, he sighed, "Yeah, I got my keys."

"Okay, See you later," you said, gathering up your things before walking towards the door.

"Let me know if you get home safe," he called out.

You only threw him a salute in response.

-:-:-:-:-:-:-

It was the harsh light from the huge window in the living room that woke you up.

You must have fallen asleep on the couch in the middle of watching your comfort movie—a poor attempt at trying to distract yourself from your lovelorn predicament.

Who knew dealing with feelings could be so exhausting?

It was the smell of bacon that coaxed you out of your cocoon, though. 

"Good morning, sleepyhead," Nathan greeted as soon as you stepped into the kitchen. He threw you a warm smile over his shoulder before he continued making breakfast—shirtless, might you add. "There are painkillers beside your water in case your neck is killing you. I would've carried you back to your bed but you kick in your sleep and I've learned my lesson so…"

It did happen once.

He was trying to coax you off the couch and back into the comfort of your bed. But as he got closer, your leg having a mind of its own when you were deeply asleep, you kicked him straight in his jewels—his words, not yours.

The loud thud of him falling on the floor didn't even shake you awake, not even when he was groaning in pain. 

You couldn't even remember any of it.

"How many times do I have to apologize for you to let that go?" you chuckled, settling at your usual seat at the small dining table you had.

"Not enough," he snorted. "I still feel the phantom of the kick, you know."

"You're so dramatic." You rolled your eyes, glancing around only to catch a glimpse of that old yet familiar green trunk. It was then you noticed some of his old stuff littered around, trinkets and memorabilia he hadn't looked at in a while. Just as you were about to question him about it, you saw the excited look on his face. You narrowed your eyes, asking, "Did I miss something?"

"Quite a lot, actually," he chuckled, sauntering over to you with your breakfast for the day. Putting the full plate in front of you, Nathan leaned down and quickly kissed your forehead. "Eat. I'll tell you all about it."

You ignored the phantom of his lips on your skin.

-:-:-:-:-:-:-

A treasure hunt.

Nathan dragged you into a treasure hunt.

You didn't trust this Victor Sullivan guy, but Nate seemed to be adamant about finding this gold in hopes of finding Sam too. And you trust your best friend's judgment so that made Sully a friend of your best friend, much to your dismay.

"Do I look okay?" you asked, straightening out your long, black evening gown as you emerged out of the makeshift changing room.

When you didn't hear an answer, you looked up to see Nathan staring at you with a certain look in his eyes.

Your face warmed. "What?"

"Okay?" he scoffed, shaking his head as if he was offended by the word you used. With a gentle smile, he gestured at you with both hands. "You look beautiful."

"Thanks. You don't look bad yourself," you responded with a shy smile, unable to hold his gaze for much longer. You fixed your entangled necklace, instead.

"Here, let me," he said, quickly walking over to you to straighten it out, his touch featherlight against your skin. "It's a gorgeous necklace. The guy who gave this to you has good taste."

"If good taste means licking his own ass, then, it's a bit questionable."

"Okay, gross," he playfully grimaced. "All I'm saying is that I picked the right one for you."

"You did." You smiled fondly. 

"Perfect," he hummed with a smile, his gaze slowly trailing from your necklace up to your eyes, his next words barely even a whisper. "You're perfect."

You didn't know if it was even meant for your ears but you could only stand there, staring into his brown eyes that seemed to shift from one emotion to another.

Nathan was about to say something when Sully came out of nowhere with that grumpy look on his face.

"Why are we bringing her again?" he asked as if you weren't standing in front of him.

"She's a genius with computers," Nathan said, a bite in his tone. "She's going to help us get through any security tech easy breezy."

Sully narrowed his eyes between you two before shrugging.

"Fine," he grumbled, looking you up and down before walking away. "We leave in ten minutes."

"I don't think he likes me very much," you sighed once the door shut.

"I don't think he likes anyone," Nathan said, smiling at you reassuringly. "Don't take it personally."

And you didn't. Truly.

But when you got to the auction house, it definitely felt more personal when the old man wouldn't tell you anything.

No communication. No updates. No information. Nothing.

Only when you ask Nathan directly were you able to get a grasp of what was going on or when to proceed to the next step—if he wasn't distracted.

With the countless pretty ladies dressed to the nines, you best believe he wasn't anywhere near focused.

You were angry because this was a dire situation. One wrong move could get you guys caught. You were too goddamn young for prison.

You definitely weren't bitter over something else.

"Do you always feel the need to flirt with anything that walks?" you spat when he finally reached the door you'd been trying so hard to keep open without getting caught. It took him three minutes more since he was busy chatting up some random trust fund girl.

"I wasn't—Jesus," he grunted, the door hitting him on the way as you walked past it.

You couldn't be bothered to wait anymore. You didn't look back and simply sped walk towards the power switch.

"You're upset," Nathan said once he caught up with you.

"I'm not upset," you grumbled. "I'm annoyed."

"It's the same thing."

"It's fucking not."

"Okay, geez," he conceded, pouting, "What'd I do?"

"What aren't you doing?" you asked sarcastically, harshly tapping on your phone as you tried to decode the security lock on the main switch. "Oh right, focusing on your job!"

"Christ, do you two always bicker like an old married couple?"

"Shut up!" you and Nathan barked synchronously.

Shaking your head, you calmed yourself, punching in the security code.

"Look, I'm sorry, alright? I was just trying to scope potential—"

You glared at him.

"I'm shutting up."

"Just do your thing. I want this over and done with," you grumbled, stepping aside once the circuit box finally opened.

"You're a genius," he praised with a smile, placing a quick kiss on your forehead. "Thank you."

"Whatever."

You wished you could say everything went smooth sailing from there, but when did it ever?

Everything happened so fast.

One minute you two were walking out of the control room, the next you were being chased down but huge men.

Running in heels was not fun.

And then it was a blur, someone grabbing your arm in a way that made you scream in pain to Nathan tackling the guy to the ground, landing blow after blow to his face until blood started to splatter on the suit he was wearing.

"Touch her again and I'll kill you."

You'd never seen him so angry before.

But that anger quickly disappeared when he fussed over you, hands soft against your cheeks yet the panic and worry were evident in his eyes.

It took several 'I'm fine's and a couple more reassurances that you weren't badly hurt to get him to fully calm down and help you up so you could get out of this place.

Unbeknownst to you, there were curious eyes watching everything closely with a knowing yet wicked smile on her lips.

-:-:-:-:-:-:-

You thought the feeling of being outcasted was only a small blip at the auction house.

But you were so wrong.

"What happened to you?" you asked when he finally met up with you at the church in Barcelona, soaking wet from head to toe.

"Long story."

"So you brought your girlfriend with you" A girl—Chloe, you later learned—suddenly appeared.

"She's not my girlfriend," Nathan quickly corrected.

Yes, it was true.

But the way he shut it down so quickly as if the thought made him hurl made the sting harsher.

It didn't take long for you to notice how Nathan seemed to be following Chloe around a lot.

So much so that you were becoming more of an afterthought.

They were always conspiring amongst themselves. It was in their line of expertise, you supposed, and you were just the tech girl. But it wasn't like you were clueless about it. Nate has told you enough stories for you to get the gist of what was going on.

It was getting pathetic, trailing behind them like some puppy, wanting to feel included.

When Nathan argued with Sully that you were not leaving his side when it was time to split up, you could only laugh at it now.

What was the point when you were immediately alone when you got into the tunnels?

Even more as you stood by yourself at the club, watching him dance with Chloe, so close, in the guise of blending in.

Maybe if you weren't distracted you would've noticed the man sneaking up behind you. You would've been able to run before he could grab you from behind, hand over your mouth as he started dragging you backward. And maybe you were quite good at kicking someone's jewels when you hit the jackpot the first time, enabling you to escape and scream for help.

You were yelling Nathan's name, but it was the loud gunshot that caught his attention.

It was heartbreaking to think that it took you getting shot in the leg for him to fully acknowledge you.

You were overwhelmed with too many emotions that you became numb, simply letting them take you back to the safe house in silence.

"I'm sorry," he whispered as he sat by your temporary bed, carefully wrapping the bandage on your thigh after he cleaned it. Thankfully, the bullet was only meant to slow you down, not kill. "I'm supposed to be looking out for you."

"It's fine," you sighed. You knew he was being sincere. He looked thoroughly distraught when he saw you drop to the ground. You knew it wasn't his fault, and you knew he was already blaming himself enough. But with the pain and bitterness—both physically and emotionally—you couldn't stop it. "You were busy. I get it."

He frowned. "What's with that tone?" 

"There's no tone," you grumbled, avoiding his gaze.

"You're annoyed."

You shook your head. "I'm not annoyed.'

"So…you're upset," he hummed, reaching for your hands. You pulled away, carefully getting comfortable on the bed.

"I'm going to sleep," you sighed, pulling the covers over you.

Nathan got the hint, standing from his seat with a sigh, "Okay, goodnight, just…call me if you need anything."

So when you woke up in the middle of the night when a sudden sting went up your leg, you quickly yet carefully got out of bed to look for him.

You wish you hadn't bothered.

The last thing you wanted to see was him and Chloe getting cozy on the balcony, a bottle of wine between them.

You figured you weren't important enough to interrupt their moment. Besides, the ache in your leg couldn't compare to the absolute pain in your heart. It only intensified when they started leaning toward each other.

So you quickly went back to bed, tainting the pillowcase with salted tears.

-:-:-:-:-:-:-

"Here." Nathan kneeled in front of the foot of the bed, tying your shoelaces for you. "So, I've been thinking…"

"Uh oh," you joked.

"Maybe you should sit this one out."

Your smile quickly got wiped off your face.

"What?"

Nathan glanced at the door. You followed his gaze, catching a glimpse of Chloe before she hurriedly walked away.

You pressed your lips, nodding in understanding.

"It's not what you think it is," Nathan placated.

"Sure it's not," you scoffed.

"Look, you're injured and—"

You stood up, abruptly cutting him off. You grabbed your bag, limping around the room as you gathered your stuff.

"Woah careful, your wound is still fresh," Nathan followed you around, arms out in case you stumbled. "What are you doing?"

"Leaving. That's what you wanted, right?"

"What? No!" he rushed, hands on your shoulder, stopping you. "What I meant was, you need to recover first."

"Right," you scoffed, shrugging him off before you continued packing. "Because  it's going to be dangerous and you're looking out for me, trying to protect me and all that bullshit."

"It's not bullshit!"

"You know, after all we've been through, I thought I could count on you to at least be honest with me," you said bitterly.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means," you pressed, harshly zipping up your bag. "If you wanted me out of the picture, you could've just said so."

Shaking his head, he argued, "That's not it."

"Maybe," you said, looking him straight in the eyes. "But fewer people, more gold to go around, right?"

That rendered him silent.

"You've known me your whole life," he started, hurt flickering in his irises. "You really think I'd do that to you?"

"I don't know anymore, Nate." You threw your hands up exasperatedly. "Because ever since you met them, I barely recognize you anymore. You've been wanting their approval so bad you're getting desperate for it. 

"And I always thought that when we get the chance to find this treasure, we'll do it together, side by side like we always do. But all I've done this whole time is be a third wheel to whatever this is." You gestured at him and the door, laughing sarcastically. "Fourth, if you include Sully."

"That's not true," he argued weakly, realization dawning on his face.

"You whisper among yourselves, nobody tells me a fucking thing, you don't even tell me anything anymore! I'm always left chasing after you because you couldn't be bothered waiting for me to catch up. Fine, I might not know everything about this treasure but it'd be nice to get filled in every once in a while instead of leaving me clueless! Hell, you're starting to forget you brought your best friend with you—"

"I didn't forget about you—"

"You didn't even notice I was getting dragged away until I was shot!"

Nathan looked away.

"All of you are always excluding me and it sucks," your voice cracked, blinking away unshed tears. "And don't think I didn't see you conspiring with Chloe last night."

He looked confused. "Last night?"

"When I came looking for my best friend for help because my leg was hurting like a bitch but I didn't want to be a cockblock so, you're welcome."

"You're not—" Nathan cleared his throat, shoulders slumping, looking at you apologetically. "Y/N…"

You shook your head, harshly wiping at your eyes, putting your jacket on. "The more it goes on, the more I think that you just brought me along because it was convenient for you. Now that I'm considered a liability, gotta leave the extra baggage right?"

"That's not fucking true!" he gritted, pulling his hair frustratedly. "You're part of this as much as I am!"

"Right. Where are we going next?"

Nathan blubbered like a fish out of water.

"That's what I thought," you scoffed, slipping your backpack on.

"Wait, dammit," he cursed when you walked past him, chasing after you into the living room. Frustrated, he called out, "All I'm asking is for you to sit this part out because you're hurt."

You stopped, slowly facing him.

"I never thought that the loneliest I'd ever feel is when I'm supporting you to chase this dream you'd been wanting ever since you were a kid," you admitted, chest tightening as you stared into his troubled brown eyes. "So, I'm not sitting this one out, Nate, I'm done." 

You shoved the cross right on his chest.

"Have fun on your honeymoon," you said, bumping his shoulder as you walked out the door.

"Y/N!"

You never looked back.

-:-:-:-:-:-:-

Nathan was smart in a lot of different aspects. But emotions and feelings?

Oh he was stupid as fuck.

He wished it didn't take something drastic to happen for him to accept what he truly felt for you.

Part of him was relieved because at least you weren't there when the plane fiasco happened, especially with your injury. He was appeasing his guilt by telling himself that you were safer this way.

Nathan wouldn't know what to do with himself if something worse happened to you.

But as he was decoding the postcards Sam sent—a difficult task to focus on when he couldn't stop worrying about you so much—Chloe suddenly came in with a package.

"It has your name on it."

He opened it confused, but nothing could prepare him for what was inside.

The dread and fear started to creep up his spine when he held the silver necklace he gave you.

You never took this off.

As he emptied the box in a rush, photos upon photos of you tied up and gagged, beaten and bruised with blood tainting your delicate skin, Nathan felt like his entire heart was taken from him.

'The map or her. Choose wisely.'

It came in flashes, moments where you'd been there for each other, the joy and heartbreak, success and failures—you were always there, his one constant.

Then came the moments where he dreamed about you and him, doing things best friends shouldn't be doing.

He always knew what he felt about you but he shoved it down in fear of ruining the friendship you'd built over the years. But now? Denying it seemed insignificant. Now there was a chance he wouldn't be able to tell you at all.

Nathan was losing the love of his life.

-:-:-:-:-:-:-

"That didn't take long," Braddock laughed sardonically, standing up from a large rock nestled on the beach somewhere in the Philippines.

"Where is she," Nathan growled, the tube map holder slung on his back.

Braddock nodded at one of her men, Nathan's heart sinking to his stomach when they dragged you in, your yelp piercing his chest when they shoved you on the sand.

Nathan instinctively tried to run for you.

"Not so fast," Braddock hummed, clicking her gun before pressing it on the back of your head. "How do I know this isn't a trick?"

"I think you already figured out I don't play games when it comes to her."

"Well, let's see," she challenged. "On your knees, Drake."

"N-Nate," you whimpered, adamantly shaking your head. Even in your state, you were still trying to protect him.

"It's okay," he reassured with a smile, hands up as he did as told.

Braddock grabbed a fistful of your hair and pulled you closer to where he was.

He stifled his anger. But best believe he'd already plotted so many ways to make Braddock suffer for what she did to you.

But one wrong move could cost your life.

"Hand it over."

"Untie her."

Braddock rolled her eyes but did so anyway.

"Hey, hey, look at me," Nathan whispered, your tear-filled eyes meeting his. He lifted his chin once, gaze flickering behind you. "I got you, okay? You're going to be okay."

"Enough with this sappy bullshit. Hand over the map or she dies."

Nathan slowly grabbed the map, only to throw it away as far as possible.

On cue, a huge explosion distracted Braddock enough for you to abruptly stand on your feet, hitting her under the chin with your head.

"You bitch!" she yelled, dropping the gun.

Nathan quickly pulled you aside and grabbed the weapon. With no remorse, he shot Braddock on both thighs, once more on the arm to be petty.

He'd do much worse if you weren't on borrowed time.

Nathan grabbed your hand and made a run for it.

-:-:-:-:-:-:-

The silence was tense.

But Nathan was focused on taking care of you first.

He was busy enough trying not to cry whenever he'd discover a new cut and bruise on you that he couldn't even dwell on the fact that you were showering together. You were both in your underwear, but still.

It was when he had you sitting on the counter as he patched you up when you spoke.

"You didn't have to do all that for me."

"You know, it hurts me so much that you think I wouldn't take a bullet for you," he sighed, finishing up a bandage before meeting your glossy eyes. "You're more important to me than you think you are."

"No, I know it's just—" You bit your bruised lip. Nathan quickly pulled it away with his thumb, not wanting you to worsen your injury. You leaned into his touch as you continued, "You've been dreaming of this since you were a kid and I feel like I've ruined it for you."

"You didn't ruin anything."

"But you should be out there looking for the gold," you said. "Instead you're stuck here with me."

"Listen to me, if I had to choose between that gold and—" He took a breath, holding your face in both hands as he stared at you longingly. "The woman I'm hopelessly in love with then…"

Nathan breathed out with a smile, "Fuck that gold."

You stared at him in a way that made him believe that he'd done it.

He'd finally ruined your friendship to a point of no return.

That until you broke out into the sweetest, brightest smile that made his heart grow and his knees weak all the same.

"It's not as hopeless as you think it is."

Nathan felt like his heart was about to burst.

"Yeah?" He grinned, giddy and warm, gently parting your legs and stepping a little closer.

You let him into your space. But suddenly your brows furrowed, frowning. "What about you and Chloe?"

"So you were jealous."

"Nate."

"There's no me and Chloe," he reassured, gently taking your hands, kissing the insides of your wrists before placing them on his shoulders. "Maybe I got the incredibly stupid idea to make you jealous—I know, baby, I'm an idiot—but she shot that down real quick."

"But—"

"Those times you've seen me with her, all I kept talking about was you," he admitted, blushing. "I'm sure she'd grown sick of me being lovesick."

Nathan probably talked her ear out about how hopelessly in love he was with you, seeking advice on what to do because it was the one thing he couldn't go to you about.

She had been really helpful, pushing him to confess because it was better you know before it's too late, and that in this line of work, you'd never know when that would be.

If only he hadn't let his cowardness win.

"She argued with me that leaving you behind was a bad idea, and if I listened to her I—" He pressed his forehead against yours with a shaky breath. "I'm sorry."

"I know you like to take all the blame but this isn't your fault," you hummed, fingers combing the straggles of hair on the nape of his neck.

"It kind of is," he pressed, eyes watering as he thought about what he dragged you into.

He couldn't stop thinking about the pain you'd gone through all because he was being reckless. For as long as he could remember, he made a vow to himself to always keep you safe no matter what. Yet here he was, failing at that—failing you.

"I'm sorry for being such a shitty best friend this past week," he said, caressing the apples of your cheeks.

"You were pretty shitty," you teased, though he could see the way your body relaxed a little. He could tell that you appreciated hearing his apology. It must've been weighing on you since you left.

It made his heart ache.

"I was and I'm sorry," he said regretfully. "I guess I just got so caught up in this whole treasure-hunting thing that I lost sight of what's truly important to me. But still, it's no excuse. I was the one who dragged you into this, I should've been attentive enough."

You turned your head and kissed his palm, a silent way of saying it was okay. He felt like he was about to melt.

"And I'm sorry for taking so goddamn long to tell you how I feel," Nathan admitted.

"Yeah well," you hummed, smiling at him sweetly. "We're both at fault on that one,"

"Still, I'm sorry," he whispered, brushing the tip of his nose against yours. "For everything."

You nodded, a smile on your lips. "I can't say I forgive yet—"

"Understandable."

"But hey," you hummed, leaning closer. "You have plenty of time to grovel and make up for it."

Nathan chuckled, brushing his lips against yours with a whisper, "Can I start with a kiss?"

You nodded with that cute giggle of yours, one that still echoed as he finally closed the distance.

So many things filled him up at once—soft, sweet, warm. So many emotions rattling his heart as your lips molded into one—relief, passion, love.

It was gratifying, a kiss he'd been dreaming of for as long as he could remember. But, with your fingers in his hair and his hands on your waist, your warm body flushed to his with no space in between, nothing could ever compare to the real thing.

And yes, it was going to take some time to repair the cracks that were made in your relationship. But he was willing to wait and do whatever it takes to gain your full trust back.

Nathan didn't care how long or how much work it would take, as long as at the end of every day, you came back home to him—it was more than worth it.

-:-:-:-:-:-:-

"Kid, are you even listening to me?"

"Sorry, Sully," Nathan said unapologetically. "But whatever the wife says, goes and her plan is usually better than yours."

"I'm technically not your wife yet," you giggled, your engagement ring glinting as you continued bypassing the security cameras using your phone.

"Technically, yes," he agreed, shrugging. "But in my head, you've been my wife ever since you put that ring on."

"Always thinking ahead, huh?" You finished up the job, slipping your phone into your pocket before turning to him with a raised brow.

"Oh yeah," he hummed, pulling you closer by the waist. "And once we get married, in my head, we already have three kids."

"Three?" you choked out a laugh.

"Five?"

"Let's start with one and see where that goes."

"We should definitely practice later."

"Do I always have to remind you two that this is an open line?"

"Oh we know," Nathan hummed, kissing you with a loud smack which earned an annoyed groan. He then gestured at the door with a bow. "After you, Mrs. Drake."

"Still up for debate."

"I'd take your last name any day."

"I was thinking hyphenated."

"Not a bad shout."

"Get moving you two!"

"Sully, you're getting so close to getting your wedding invite revoked."

You laughed at that.

Nathan couldn't resist kissing you once more.

"Let's go," you giggled against his lips. "We still have treasure to find."

"I'm in no rush," he shrugged, brushing his nose against yours. He was sure his eyes were glowing with pure adoration. "Already got the best one right here."

You groaned and called him cheesy but you still kissed him anyway.

Treasure be damned, with you by his side, Nathan was the richest man alive.

✫*ﾟ･ﾟ｡.★.*｡･ﾟ♛ *.

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[batmanlovesnirvana]

by AshWinterGrey on Ao3

Summary : Today on Buzzfeed Unsolved, we look into the Murder of Thomas and Martha Wayne.

“Today on Buzzfeed Unsolved, we’re digging into a rather famous case,” Ryan begins, a grin on his face. “Its actually a case I grew up hearing about, and one that I like to keep an eye on from time to time. So I was, very, excited to get permission to do this case.”

“Oh, is this what I think it is?” Shane questioned.

“You saw the file,” Ryan gave his friend a look.

“Yeah, but I wasn’t sure if it was a file or just a list of things you wanted to talk about if you ever got permission,” Shane protested. “I mean, you’ve brought this case up pretty frequently.”

“Yes, yes, that is definitely the case,” Ryan agreed, turning a giddy grin to the file. “Today, ladies and gentlemen, we’re looking at the murder of Thomas and Martha Wayne.”

“This is going to be interesting,” Shane clapped.

“Was that sarcastic?”

“No.”

“It felt sarcastic.”

“Eh…maybe a little. You do go on and on about this case.”

“Yeah, but only, like, vague details.”

“Sure. Vague.”

Ryan shot Shane a look, to which Shane stared right back with a flat look. After a moment, Ryan turned away and flipped over the file.

“Shall we begin?”

“Yeah, of course,” Shane motioned with a flippant wave of his hand. “Let’s begin!”

A giddy grin filled Ryan’s face as he turned to the case file.

“On June 26th, at 10:47 pm, the world lost two of the kindest rich people anyone could have met. But first, let’s get a bit into their background. Doctor Thomas Wayne-”

“Wait. Doctor? Thomas Wayne was a Doctor?”

“Yeah! I was getting there! Let me get there!”

“Okay. Okay. You’ve just never mentioned he was a doctor, before.”

“I told you, you didn’t know everything. There’s a lot about this family I haven’t mentioned.”

“Well now I’m intrigued.”

“Doctor Thomas Wayne was born the son of Patrick Wayne and Laura Elizabeth Wayne. This made Thomas Wayne one of the last living descendants of the Five Families of Gotham.”

“Five Families.”

“Yeah…I…don’t know why I included that.”

“You weren’t going to explain?”

“I am now.”

“The Five Families of Gotham are the Crowne Family, which died out years ago with Amelia Crowne, though their of rumors of an illegitimate child. Maybe we’ll do that another time. The Cobblepot family, and we all know what happened to that family. The Elliots, Kanes, and Waynes. These Five Families are credited to helping build Gotham.”

“Doctor Thomas Wayne dedicated his time to his medical studies, his family company, to helping the Glades, and to his family. Doctor Thomas Wayne was originally not the inheritor of the Wayne fortune as he was the youngest child of the Waynes. But Philip Wayne died in Afghanistan, and Agatha Wayne renounced her family name when she married into the Carson family. Doctor Thomas Wayne, with a full medical degree, and a budding physician having started a free clinic in Park Row, found himself the inheritor of a multi-million dollar company.”

“Park Row?”

“Better known as Crime Alley.”

“Oh! Wait…it’s name isn’t actually Crime Alley?”

“Yeah, surprising, right?

“Martha Wayne was born into another Founding Family. The Kane Family. Her family history, of course, is a little rockier in the public eye than most of the world’s wealthy would prefer. Nathan Kane married a woman named Kathy Webb and was disowned, losing his grasp of the inheritance. Philip Kane is the inheritor, and the line might just die out with him. Jacob Kane lost his first wife and one of his daughters, remarried, and became an army general. Arthur Kane is recluse and not staying with his family. Martha Wayne seemed to break out.”

“Good for her.”

“Wow.”

“What?”

“You just seem pretty on board with that.”

“Well, yeah. I like history.”

“What does that have to do with anything?”

“A lot.”

“You’re not…you’re not…going to…elaborate?”

“Nope! That’s an entirely different video.”

“Oh…kay.”

“Martha Wayne married Doctor Thomas Wayne as one of many acts of rebellion. Martha’s mother didn’t approve of the marriage at all, and even threatened to disown Martha. Martha’s other most notable act of rebellion was to become a social worker.”

“I like this couple more and more.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. Here are two people. Helping others.”

“That they did.”

“Most people with money would just… throw it on junk. Not them. They seem like good people.”

“Later, Doctor Wayne and Martha welcomed a son into the world. Bruce Thomas Wayne. Then, eight years later, while taking their son to a movie in Park Row, a man stepped out of the shadows. As told by the account of Bruce Wayne, the only surviving witness, the mysterious man demanded their money and Martha’s pearls. However, the two barely had a chance to grab said items before the first bullet was fired. Thomas Wayne died almost immediately with that first shot. Martha moved to grab her son, but that was when the second shot was fired, and she, too, died almost instantly, according to police reports. A couple hours later, the police arrived.”

“That poor kid.”

“Yeah, I know. He was with his parents for a couple hours.”

“His parents just died, and he’s probably sitting there, begging them to wake up. And no one is there to help. That’s…that’s terrible. I’m surprised the guy wasn’t more messed up.”

“You could probably argue he was a little messed up.”

“Really?”

“Well, he did disappear for a few years, then reappear acting like a, you know, a floozy rich guy.”

“What?”

“Maybe we’ll cover that another time, too. But, long story short, Bruce applied to the FBI, got in, then quit the FBI, disappeared, and came back as a generous, but perky rich playboy.”

“That…that’s…”

“Now that we’ve talked about the Waynes and their murder. Let’s talk about why this case is unsolved and then get into a few theories. To begin, the Wayne Murder case was never solved. Mainly because the only living witness besides the killer, was Bruce Wayne, an eight year old boy who was left beside his parents bodies for hours. The shock definitely kicked in, and because of how dark it was, Bruce was unable to see the man’s face.”

“Of course a traumatized boy wouldn’t be able to identify his parents’ killer! What the heck do people expect!”

“Yeah…not the GCPD’s finest moment.”

“The First theory is that the Falcone Family did the hit.”

(Wheeze) “A mob hit?”

“Yeah, we definitely don’t get those all that often, do we?”

“We never get those!”

“This theory actually has some weight. It’s rumored that Thomas Wayne was actually a close friend of Francesco Falcone. A bond that formed when Thomas Wayne supposedly saved Francesco Falcone’s life during a mob hit. It’s also rumored that Thomas and Martha met at one of Francesco Falcone’s parties.”

(Cackling!)

“What?”

“If this theory is true, then my respect for Martha Wayne has skyrocketed! That woman was a rebel!”

“Really? After everything I just said, that’s what you want to go with.”

“The Kanes were jerks. I’m allowed to be proud of the woman.”

“However, its also noted that at some point, Thomas and Falcone stopped talking to each other. Their friendship supposedly fell apart, and if they left on bad terms, its possible that the Falcone family ordered the hit. However, unless the GCPD is covering it up, there is no proof behind this theory, nor is there much proof that Thomas and Falcone ever actually had a friendship other than a few pictures of the two at parties. And, if you know nothing about Gotham, you should know that Gang Leaders mixing with the Elites is…pretty common.”

“Too common.”

“Way too common.”

“But, I’ll be honest, I’m not sure this theory has too much weight.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. I mean, think about it. Saving someone’s life is…a pretty serious debt. Like, a life for a life debt, except you save it. If Doctor Thomas really saved Falcone, then the betrayal had to be dead awful for him to turn like that.”

“That’s…that’s a good point. We’ll put that theory on hold, then.”

“The second theory is that the Court Of Owls planned the hit.”

“The Court of Owls?”

“Yeah. You heard of them?”

“Yeah, I’ve heard of them. If you had mentioned this, before, I might have been way more interested in this case.”

“Wow, I had no idea you were so excited about this.”

“It’s history, Ryan! Of course I’m excited about it!”

“You realize this is Gotham’s biggest Ghost Story, right?”

“Of course. But I also know the history around it.”

“The Court of Owls are a long standing legend in Gotham. The rumors claim that the court is comprised of Elites, supposedly related to the Crowne family. According to legend, the Court recruits elites into their system, and they recruit civilians to be assassins. These assassins kill those that oppose the Court.”

“That was a rough version of the Court of Owls. Not bad.”

“Thank. But now I’m curious to know what you know.”

“Maybe another time. Its too long to go into.”

“It’s believed that Thomas and Martha Wayne opposed the Court of Owls, and because of this, they were killed by a Talon.”

“I’d agree with that...”

“Really?”

“Yeah. Yeah, I would. If ever there was a conspiracy theory I’d believe, it’s the existance of the Court of Owls. The history is fascinating.”

“Wow, I guess we…really need to do a history lesson on the Court of Owls.”

“The only thing that I think is a little sketchy is the fact that they…left Bruce Wayne alive.”

“Oh?”

“It’s not their style. Unless Bruce Wayne agreed to join the Court. But…given his charities and stuff, I doubt it.”

“Huh. I guess that’s fair.”

“The third theory…”

“What?”

“You’re gonna hate this?”

“Don’t say aliens.”

“Nope. Not aliens.”

“The third theory is that Thomas and Martha Wayne were murdered by a ghost.”

“No.”

“Oh, yes!”

“Ryan. No!”

“The Wayne family went through Park Row, a place well known as Crime Alley. There are a number of Crimes that happen there in a day, so its no wonder a large population believe the mysterious killer that was never caught and never seen was that of a ghost who lost his life in a mugging attempt where he failed.”

“The Court of Owls theory holds more weight than this.”

(Cackling)

“You know what, I can and will deny this theory. Forget this theory.”

“How does this hold less weight than the Court of Owls.”

“I need to give you a history lesson.”

“The fourth theory is that it was an inside job done by the GCPD. Due to the fact that the guy was never caught, and the history of police corruption, its not surprising that this was a theory that popped up. In fact, up until Jim Gordon became Commissioner, many cases in Gotham like this one were swept under the rug.”

“Good old Jim Gordon.”

“He was on this case, actually.”

“He was?”

“Yep. In fact, it’s rumored that this particular case was what led Gordon to turn the GCPD around. And he’s supposedly still close to Bruce Wayne.”

“Really?”

“His daughter dated Bruce’s oldest son.”

“Nice.”

“With all these theories, there still isn’t any clear answer as to who killed Thomas and Martha Wayne. And that leaves this particular case…Unsolved.”

“They don’t deserve that,” Shane sighed.

“Yeah, they seemed like genuinely good people for rich people,” Ryan agreed with a nod. “What do you think happened?”

Shane winced, scratching the back of his head. “Right. I like the Court of Owls theory, but…I think it was a rando mugging.”

“Then…then how do you explain the lack of a suspect?”

“Police corruption. The Waynes were trying to turn Gotham around. A few corrupt cops just…swept it under the rug.”

“That’s…” Ryan froze, looking down at his files. “That’s actually not a bad theory. Why didn’t anyone use that theory.”

“Maybe they’re not supposed to.”

“That’s terrifying. Absolutely terrifying.”

... .... .... ..... .... .... .... ....

“ This is...”

Jason paused, sending a look towards his younger brother.

“Genius?” Tim gave a sharp, Cheshire grin.

“Definitely,” Jason grinned back. “What exactly did you give them permission to do?”

“You’ll have to wait and see.”

[sturn1olo-ffics]

- JUST PRETEND -

- Matt Sturniolo x Fem reader (she/her pronouns used)

- Warnings: use of y/n, angst, argument, kissing, some swearing, I think that’s it??? (Lmk); NOT PROOFREAD

- About: Matt feels uncomfortable at a party back in Boston with his hometown friends. His friends keep messing with him about being single, so he tells y/n to “just pretend you’re his date,” but things go a little differently after that.

—————————————————————————————

(Y/N’s POV):

“Y/n!! Do you have any pain medicine? My head is killing me.” Nick says, walking into his bedroom where I was staying.

“Yeah, check the side pocket of my bag.” I point towards the purse on the floor and turn around to face my suitcase. “I have no idea what to wear.” I say as Nick opens the medicine.

“Wear that outfit you showed me earlier, you ate that shit up.” He exclaims.

“Okay okay, I just don’t want to wear something Matt doesn’t like-” I start to say before Nick slaps his hand over my mouth.

“Y/n. Absolutely fucking not. Do not start with that bullshit. He’s gonna like whatever you wear. After all, y’all are just friends aren’t y’all? Because you’re too scared to tell him for absolutely no reason because I’ve been yelling at you to tell him?” He stated, backing away from me with his arms crossed.

Nick knew I liked Matt. A lot. Like, a lot a lot. But he also knew I was too much of a pussy to actually tell Matt that I liked him. So that leads us here.

I put on my outfit, did my makeup and hair, and started to walk out of Nick’s bedroom.

“Woah, y/n. You look really nice.” Matt says, walking towards me.

“Oh- thank you! So do you!” I responded nervously. Matt had always complimented me, but lately it just felt, I don’t know, stronger? Maybe I’m delusional.

“I was just coming in here to tell you we were gonna be in the car, but you’re actually ready for once.” He joked.

“Only because I had Nick yelling at me earlier to hurry up.” I laughed back.

We walked outside, got in the car, and started to make our way to the party. I was nervous because this was the first time Nick, Matt, and Chris had brought me to Boston, and I had never met their friends back home before. Not even Nate.

We arrived at the party and everyone stepped out of the car.

“Y/n, follow me this way. You’re meeting Nate first.” Chris exclaimed, grabbing my hand.

We walked into the party and I saw crowds of people. But Chris led me to one person that I had seen before on social media. Nathan Doe.

“Hey y/n! What’s up? It’s so great to finally meet you. I’ve heard so much.” Nate says, dapping me up.

“Hey! I’ve been waiting to actually meet you bro they talk about you non stop.” I laugh and Nate joins in on the laughter.

About 10 minutes later, Chris and Nate start talking to some other guys as I turn around to find Nick or Matt.

After scanning the room for about a minute, my eyes land on Matt, talking to a group of guys from his high school lacrosse team.

“Hey- do you know where Nick is?” I asked, grabbing Matt’s right shoulder.

“Woah Matt. You’re friends with this pretty lady and you’re still single??” His friends started to joke with him.

“Actually, she’s my date.” Matt replies, putting his right arm around my waist and pulling me closer to him.

“Matt finally got a girlfriend. Never thought we’d live to see the day, as handsome as he is.” One of his friends laughed and Matt turned to me.

“Just pretend to be my date, and I don’t know where Nick is.” He whispered in my left ear.

“Okay- well- I’m gonna go find Nick.” My expression dropped and I felt a pit in my stomach. Matt could clearly tell something was wrong and decided to walk after me as I turned away.

“Y/n- I’m sorry if that just made you uncomfortable. I hesitated and honestly, I didn’t mean to say that-” Matt began as I walked down the hallway and into a quiet, empty room.

“Y/n.” He said, grabbing my hand and turning me around after closing the door behind him.

“What?” I asked.

“Y/n, what’s going on? Are you okay? Did I do something? Do you need me to find Nick? Do you wanna go home?” He started questioning every possibility as to why my attitude changed, but I cut him off as the list got longer.

“Just pretend?” I laughed, tears swelling in my eyes.

“Matt, how do you expect me to ‘just pretend’ to be your girlfriend?” I pulled away from him.

“Y/n, I’m sorry I didn’t realize that it would-” He started before I interrupted.

“Don’t you realize I’m in love with you?” I blurted out, instantly regretting it and thinking of a way to cover up my words.

Matt instantly grabs my hands and pulls me closer to him.

“You’re in love with me?” He questions, voice lowering in volume.

“Hasn’t it always been obvious? Every single time you-” I began explaining before he cut me off with his lips on mine.

Grabbing my waist with his right hand and my cheek in his left, both of my hands flew around his neck, pulling him in.

“That’s good because I am too.” Matt pulled back as we gasped for air, then tilted his head to deepen the kiss.

“Huh?” I said, breaking the kiss.

“Don’t worry about it right now.” Matt mumbled against my lips before leaning back in.

After kissing for about 5 minutes, we gathered ourselves and made our way back into the hallway.

He placed his hand on the small of my back as we walked around, searching for Chris and Nick.

We found the boys and spent the rest of the party talking to their friends, me and Matt catching small glimpses of each other whenever we could.

2 hours later, everyone hopped in the car and we started to make our way back to the boys’ house.

“Y/n, you sleeping in my room tonight?” Chris asked sleepily.

“Nah, I already promised Matt we’d have a sleepover tonight. We can have a sleepover tomorrow night, Chris.” I giggled as he rubbed his eyes.

“Alright, whatever.” Chris turned around and made his way to his room.

“Sleepover with Matt, huh?” Nick questioned, slapping my left shoulder.

“Don’t worry about it.” I laughed as Nick turned to his room.

“I’ll worry about it tomorrow.” He said, throwing his hands in the air.

Matt walked in the front door after locking the car and getting everything out.

After giving me a quick peck on the lips, he made his way towards his room and I followed him.

“Whatchya doing?” He turns around and giggles.

“I’m gonna sleep in your room tonight.” I stated, walking past him to open his bedroom door.

“Fucking finally. Never thought I’d live to see this day.” He closed the door behind me.

We both changed into our pajamas, then made our way over to his bed, climbing in.

“Come here.” He stated, grabbed me by the waist and pulling me close to him to cuddle.

“Good night, Matt.” I whispered.

“Good night, y/n.” He whispered back, kissing me on the forehead as I drifted off to sleep.

—————————————————————————————

A/N: Hi guys! Sorry it took me so long to write this 😭😭 I’ve been so busy with school and stuff. I hope you enjoyed it, and let me know any requests you may have!

[mickeys-malarkey]

Pt. 3/3: My BATDR Timeline & Plot Twist Theories!

First, I think both BATIM and BATDR take place sometime between 1978 and 1991. I already suspected BATDR was happening in the ‘80s based on the fact that card readers – which have featured in many of the environment screenshots we've seen – were invented in 1979...

…and Audrey's clothes and hairstyle look very 1980s.

Then they released the images of Audrey's office, where her chair and desk lamps also look very 1980s, and the wallpaper and flooring looks pretty 1970s…

…and @inkdemonapologist pointed out that the type of bankruptcy we see documents for in Joey's apartment didn't exist until 1978…

…and I remembered that Joey's apartment also had a newspaper whose headline took place in the future— Princess Diana's 30th birthday which, as TetraBitGaming on YouTube pointed out, would be in 1991 since Princess Diana was born in 1961. She should be two years old if BATIM were really taking place in 1963!

Maybe, at the time, they didn't mean for these two to be clues, since they seem to have rolled the date backwards a bit from the newspaper one; but at this point it feels pretty clear when BATDR takes place, to me. And I'm even more certain than I already was, after finding out that this image from the JDS website…

…is titled “museum” (good work yoinking it, @halfusek /gen 👍🏻), that we know the ink dimension's new home: Nathan Arch Sr.'s private Joey Drew Studios museum that he mentioned he was curating in TIOL (meaning it's existed since around 1972).

“Over the years, I have collected every single piece of the studio memorabilia I could find to restore it to its former glory, to create, in a sense, a private museum that gleamed with the true vision of Joey Drew…” ~ Nathan Arch, The Illusion of Living, pg. 2

Also, besides the fact the museum image has clearly aged, here's some more evidence that at least a few years have probably passed since Bendy was purchased: it generally takes a fair bit more time (years!!) to make movies/documentaries, as Archgate Pictures seems to have made about Joey, than it does to make shorts.

As for BATIM, I think that time has been moving as normal outside of the loop, we were just seeing a repeat of that significant day in 1963; Henry and Joey have been trapped in the ink dimension for somewhere between twenty and thirty years, and the bankruptcy paperwork and Princess Diana newspaper were pieces of the real world leaking into the memory. This explains how there seems to be evidence of Audrey in BATIM and how BATDR is still supposedly neither sequel nor prequel to BATIM despite all the evidence that it takes place long after 1963! They're happening at the same time!! I wonder if Audrey is the daughter of the little girl we hear at the end of BATIM? So, Henry's (great-)granddaughter or Joey's (great-)great-niece?

Now, onto my big theory: the plot twist.

If they handle it right, it would be really, really cool if “break the cycle” really doesn't just mean “end the time loop” but also “break the cycle of abuse/trauma” and a lot of the huge cast of not-so-innocent characters wind up with the potential to get redemption arcs. I have an idea of exactly how they might be planning on even providing the opportunity for Joey.

Victor McKnight commented this on his Artistic Hallowing music video and pinned it:

Those last two sentences. “Make sure you're watching every second! You don't want to miss any vital information. 😉” Does that not sound to anyone else like he's got insider information? Now, I want y'all to watch these music videos that either Victor himself or his brother Noah were suspiciously involved in all of (and one of which is supposedly a BATDS song but for some reason involves Audrey) and tell me if you notice any patterns.

This one seems to be a duet between Sammy and the Ink Demon, both singing to Audrey. Sammy mostly sings in the default sepiatone, asking us things like “Can you see me? Can you feel me?” (that feels so… sad… and desperate…) and telling us things like “make sense of the consequence we witnessed on that day” (Excuse me, you're telling me that there was a consequence for something on a specific, significant day that we witnessed?? 👀) The demon, on the other hand, mostly sings when the grayscale effect is on, and seems to just be playing a stereotypical villain roll until you notice “be forced to believe what I see” (why would we even give a crap about what you're seeing /srs? How the actual heck would we see what you're seeing /gen? You don't even have eyeballs, bro /j) and “be damned in this evil received” (how do you receive evil that damns you? Maybe by being abused and becoming an abuser in response?).

Two apparently-separate characters singing with the same voice but very different tones and outlooks on the situation, still both singing to Audrey, in this one. One mostly sings in the default sepiatone, again, at first seeming more hopeful, helpful, and friendly until you start noticing ominous comments like “you've made mistakes, accept the change. You will be punished too” (*incoherent noises* 🚨🚨) and “welcome to my dream . . . you still think you are safe in my dream.” The other mostly sings when the grayscale effect is on, again, and seems much more aggressive and seductive until you start noticing comments like “take up your weapons, just leave my friends be” (why is this stereotypically evil-seeming character both telling us to take up weapons, not just letting us have them, and asking us to leave his friends alone with them?).

More hints that the demon who will rise and presumably is most important to the story is linked to grayscale, in this one.

And, in this one, Sammy's asking if the grayscale-linked demon is the one who will set him free (as he claims to be in the first two videos).

Across all four of these first videos, there seems to be an overall “things change when we switch from the default sepiatone to grayscale” and “grayscale is dangerous and seems hopeless but it's important and linked to truth and freedom” theme…

…You're telling me that Sammy and his followers' past (BATIM?) selves were worshipping an imposter demon…? And the truth will be revealed in BATDR…?

Hum, hum, hum… fascinating. I'd noticed the sepiatone vs. grayscale split and imposter vs. true savior thing long before I read the books; for the longest time, I thought it meant we would be dealing with a Henry-Bendy and a Joey-Bendy, as I've been seeing people theorizing. But then I read TIOL, and discovered what I think is evidence that this info is indeed canon and was not left on the cutting room floor while BATDR was in development limbo.

Nathan makes a very strange note on Joey's story about the Sparkle Unicorn speakeasy…

“…I remember this night well. Though I remember it being at the Bee Room, gold and black, not silver as the main design aesthetic. Doesn't really make much of a difference though, I suppose.” ~ Nathan Arch, The Illusion of Living, pg. 44 (emphasis added)

Nathan remembers that night in sepiatone, Joey remembers it in grayscale.

Now, I've seen all kinds of theories all over about how Wilson actually “banished/killed the ink demon…” “Wilson took advantage of some sort of blip in Bendy's existence that happened when Joey died,” “Wilson got rid of him by purifying him and turning him into Dapper Bendy,” “Wilson got rid of him by fusing him with either Henry or Joey,” “Wilson got rid of him by trapping him in Henry's loop,” “he didn't, Wilson's just another liar manipulating everyone,” etc…

What if we're looking at this from the wrong angle? What if the point is that, whatever happened, neither of the BATDR Bendys is the original soulless monster we see in BATIM and the books? What if, whether they share a body or are separate, there are two human souls involved here? What if one of those souls is the “new evil” in the ink dimension, not Wilson, who may have been meddling in ink dimension affairs since 1963?

Going back to the time frame I propose BATDR is happening in… Joey was born in 1901, which means that if Nathan was 18 or 19 when Joey was just turning 16, then he was born in 1899 or 1898. So, in 1978, Nathan would've been 79 or 80, and in 1991 he would've been 92 or 93. Especially considering the clues that point towards Nathan having been a smoker, it wouldn't surprise me if he's straight-up already dead in BATDR. Mayhaps for 211 days? During Loop 414…? Could this be why the BATIM loop is different, with Henry apparently not remembering anything that previous versions of himself could? The now-previous owner of their prison has died of old age and/or lung cancer? And could that be why the JDS museum has fallen into bankruptcy? Has Nathan Jr. taken over and isn't as ruthless a businessman as his father?

Itsjustjord on YouTube pointed this out in his trailer reaction, which when he said it set my Clue Radar off so that I went to the trailer again to get a closer look. And… well… *clears throat*

…Do y'all see this weird effect over Dapper Bendy? Compared to every other character we see in the trailer as well as the environment around him, does it not look as if we're seeing him, specifically, through some sort of cartoony filter? Maybe it'll only be in circumstances like this (far away in weird lighting) that the edges of the illusion will fray in-game, based on the other teaser image we have of him, but it definitely looks off to me.

Especially with what I now suspect Allison and Susie's situations were in relation to Nathan, I think that the ink creatures’ perfection vs. imperfection has nothing to do with how pure/good vs. impure/evil their hearts are as we've been lead to believe/is the conventional surface-level reading, but instead how intact vs. broken their hearts are. I think that the more horrific the ink being's appearance, the more the soul inside was abused while it was alive. Allison isn't a perfect Alice because she's a better person, it's because she obeyed Nathan and wasn't made to suffer as severely as Susie, who Nathan chose to be his next Isabel. So, why is one new Bendy (apparently created after Joey lost everything, I suspect even being made to watch his Shoulder Angel's murder before being murdered himself) so much scarier than the original (created before Joey lost everything) and the other so goshdarn perfect, proportions and all?

Maybe the banning of everything related to Sammy's demon cult and Henry under Wilson's rule has to do with his decades-old mission to keep the Creators from joining forces, as well as everyone including himself feeling like they're finally free from The Great Puppet Master?

I love Dapper Bendy's design as much as everyone else!! He's positively adorable, and it would also be a nice outcome if the baby boy is exactly what he seems and just a precious lil friend to love forever; but I theorize that Dapper Bendy is the perfectly sane, untraumatized, and truly evil one, that (assuming we actually get choices in BATDR, unlike in BATIM) his route, no matter how things seem in the moment, is the wrong one, that he's Nathan. And I think Freaky Teeth Bendy (that's been my nickname for him since we first saw him and I'm sticking to it lolol) is the damaged as heck but able to be saved one, that his route is the correct one, that he's Joey. I also think that we won't get to see either demon for what they really are – won't be able to get the True, Broken Cycle, “Joey's Redeemed & Nathan Faces Justice” Ending – unless we somehow unlock Grayscale Mode like we could in BATIM and gain the ability to see Joey's truth. Until then, we'll be seeing the demons the way Nathan wants us to see them. Through Nathan's tainted, gaslighting, sepiatone filter.

If I'm right, the fact that they did choose these color palettes is so perfectly poetic~! Sepiatone is what happens when black-and-white images have been chemically altered for preservation purposes; Nathan's altered our perception of himself, Joey, and all the events surrounding them, and his version of events is much more resilient. Meanwhile, Joey's would be more pure and unaltered but easily destroyed— including by himself, with his Illusion of Living coping mechanism… The only thing that could make it more perfect is if not only do we get to see Henry in BATDR, but when we do he's an angelic toon… *Vibrates with excitement*

Please, please, please, JDS, let me be right about where you're going with this!! Cause this would genuinely be so freaking cool…!! 🙏🏻 I hope that we eventually get to “rejoice with our founders,” as Artistic Hallowing says, when they're reunited.

Thank you for coming to my TED Talk, rofl. Congratulations on making it through the ramblings of a hyped AuDHD fangirl (though, I guess we already knew you were capable, if you've read TIOL. I could do a whole nother rant on evidence that Joey's basically confirmed canonically ADHD(+?), my freaking gosh). 😝

Read the Rest of the Original Analysis/Theory: Part One • Part Two • Unexpected Part Four

BATDR Analysis/Post-Playthrough Theory Revision: Part One • Part Two • Part Three • Part Four

[chaosduckies]

Restoration (Chapter 8)

A bunch of scenes because why not? On another note, it is extremely hard to write a scene in winter when it’s the middle of April. I hope you enjoy anyhow! Because now I’m really getting into the plot.

Word Count: 5.9k

CW: Death, crying, vague thoughts of suicide, severe trauma, (anything else idk??)

8-Ryker

It was Thanksgiving break. The first official break from school until Christmas. Words could not describe how grateful I was for the week-long break. There was no reason to have so much work piled up a couple weeks before the end of first semester. 

I was laying in my bed on my phone. It was about to turn six, which meant I should probably get started on dinner, but I just couldn’t bring myself to climb out of bed. I was physically and mentally tired of keeping up with everyone and whatever plans they had with their friends, taking care of Isabelle and Angela since they were still little, and on top of that keep up with the chores around the house. 

I grabbed my phone off the charger, stretched out my arms and legs from laying down, and opened my door to get started on dinner. The living room was oddly quiet, with Dylan and Lucky playing a game. Isabelle playing a game with Angela on the carpet that consisted of a bunch of stuffed animals and blankets. I smiled to myself. 

“What do you guys feel like eating for dinner?” I leaned against the kitchen island, waiting for an answer. 

“Spaghetti!” Isabelle and Angela answered at the time, giggling at one another. I think I could do that. I don’t know if Lucky can though. It was the first weekend of the break and I’d probably need to go grocery shopping tomorrow anyways. 

I looked in Dylan’s direction, making them pause whatever they were playing together. He just shrugged his shoulders, “Whatever’s easier for you.” Always with the same response. 

“Ummm, I can go check what we have.” Lucky told me, getting Dylan to let him onto the floor. All I could do was wait now. Jasmine was staying over at her friends today and tomorrow. I just told her to text me if she goes anywhere far and if she needed anything. Weird, right? Usually the parent handles these kinds of things, but in the situation my siblings and I are in it’s literally impossible. 

Lucky came back, shaking his head, “We don’t have the things for spaghetti,” He laid down on the arm rest of the couch and grabbed his remote, “You should call Nathan to come over. He hasn’t been here in a while. Plus, he’s so much better at cooking than I am. Right, Angela?” 

“Yeah!” 

I bit the side of my cheek. I don’t know about that. Just asking Nathan to come over to cook and then ask him to leave? That was wrong. Plus, he told me before the break that he’ll be pretty busy. Or… texted me. Either way, I shouldn’t bother him. Maybe he actually has a meal with his family for Thanksgiving and they were all getting ready for it already. On the other hand, Lucky makes something else for him and Angela, Angela doesn’t eat, and then everything goes downhill from there. 

Looking at my phone, I picked it up, opening the messages app, and clicked on Nathan’s name. The last time he came here, Jasmine did kind of freak him out. I remember him not being able to leave anyone’s side if she was in the room. I wonder if he’d even want to come over after that. At school the next day he was a little nervous, but otherwise fine afterward, but I’m sure whatever Jasmine told him is still stuck in his mind. Ugh. This was such a bad idea. 

Ryker: I have a huge favor to ask you 

I waited for a response, watching Dylan and Lucky play a fighting game against one another. I had no idea who was winning, but I’m pretty sure it was Lucky. Actually… it was kind of weird how Lucky seemed to want Nathan around more often. Like, really weird. Especially when every time Nathan came, he would practically ditch him with me. I honestly don’t mind, I liked having Nathan come over, but still. I had wondered why, but I wasn’t going to ask. 

Nathan: Yeah?

Ryker: Do you mind coming over to help Lucky cook something? 

Ryker: You don’t have to 

Well, if he says no Lucky will have to make whatever he can and I’d have to break the news to Angela. If you didn’t know, four year olds can be a little hard to deal with sometimes. So, this might just turn out to be a very, very bad day. 

Nathan: Sure! 

Nathan: Anything specific?

I stared at his text, relief washing over me. Dylan let out a cheer from winning against Lucky. Wow. Perfect timing. I was just so grateful right now. Nathan was literally the greatest friend ever. Now I have to think of someway to thank him. That shouldn’t be too hard, right? 

Ryker: They wanted spaghetti

Ryker: And thank you  

Nathan: No problem :)

Ryker: I guess I’ll be at the bus stop in about twenty minutes? 

Nathan: Okay 

I stuffed my phone in my pocket, “Okay, I’ll be right back, just text me if something happens.” I told Dylan, who nodded his head. And with that, I walked out the door and into the cold air. 

———Nathan———

Winters in the city were bad. But not as bad as when we were still help captive. Now those days were terrible. Horrifying even. It was still freakishly cold here. Not something I enjoy. For several reasons really. One being that I already get cold really easily. Two, I just hated being cold and sick. And the most important reason being that it was during this kind of weather when my dad had died. Actually, in three days it’s officially been nine years since my dad died. November 24. A long time, right? 

It hurts. The memories. Not just of him but how they brutally murdered him in front of his own child. I shuddered at the sight pictured in my mind. Nope. Can’t think about that. Right now I should probably be getting ready to head over to the bus stop. I already had packed a tiny bag with the things I needed to cook. Weird enough, it was kind of a therapy for me at this point. To be cooking I mean. I guess that’s why my mom always gets worried when I’m baking for no reason. Because she knows. 

I sighed, giving my mom a quick text that I was heading over to Ryker’s for a little while. The last time I went, I thought everything was going great before Jasmine talked to me alone. everyone had left to go looking for something and it was just her and I. I was scared of course. We’ve never, ever talked before and from what I’ve gathered she’s really intimidating. 

Her exact words to me were: “If you hurt my brother in any way I will personally murder you.” and that was was it took for me to have an entire mental breakdown for nearly two weeks. I mean, who wouldn’t be scared if someone’s sibling threatened you like that? So, the week before the break, I might have been acting a little weird around Ryker, afraid that I might actually do something wrong or hurt him in any way, which I don’t really see how I could. 

Otherwise, I haven’t really been doing anything. I told Ryker that I would be busy during the break, but really I wasn’t. Only because I do actually have something to do on November 24, and I was already feeling the depression spikes as the day came closer and closer. As for Thanksgiving itself, my mom and I never do anything. Last year we were barely getting used to being in the mental hospital so we didn’t really do anything. This year she’s working so it’ll just be me. Nothing new. 

I made my way down the icy streets, the sun setting faster and faster. It was only getting colder, and I didn’t really have a winter jacket. Just some to wear in the classroom like when it’s freezing in there. So, yeah, I was basically freezing my face off. Not to mention that my mom told me it might snow later tonight since it was already under twenty degrees outside. I wasn’t used to cold weather. 

Once I made it to the bus stop, I snuggled up with my bag on the bench, trying to have some kind of warmth. Also because there were several people (giants) who were going back home from stores or getting off of work. The bus stop was actually used for both humans and giants. The human was a little ways from the huge one that was practically as tall as a skyscraper. Maybe taller. 

My hands were shaky from the cold, but it was only another five minutes before Ryker would come and hopefully I wouldn’t be as cold. Maybe. Hopefully. I don’t know what today has in store for me. All I knew was that I just wanted to wrap myself in a blanket with some hot chocolate and binge watch something on tv. 

Ryker came a few minutes later, smiling and giving a thanks before offering a hand. I threw the bag on first before struggling to get on. It was hard when the ground underneath you was starting to freeze over, but I figured it out after trying for a good minute. 

“You’re freezing.” Ryker told me, cupping his hand just a little. Sure, it was scary to have his fingers closer to me, but still, it was warm. How could I deny something that was practically calling me? 

  “That good?” He smiled, for some reason making sure I was comfortable. But I was not about to complain. I was desperate at this point. I nodded my head, bringing my knees closer to my chest to keep some of my body warmth with me. And yet another reason I hate winter. 

“Thanks again. Sorry for bothering you.” 

I continuously shook my head, hoping he would get the message that it was fine. Plus, I liked going over. Everyone was nice (Besides Jasmine I’m pretty sure she hates me) and never really tried to do anything too crazy with me. It was great. I’m not as afraid anymore, which was a miracle given I thought I could never trust anyone ever again, and I’ve actually made some friends. 

Ryker opened the door to his house, where we found them all watching a movie together. Everyone turned their heads as soon as the door closed behind Ryker. I jumped slightly, but relaxed after a while. Nothing to be afraid of. Dylan’s eyes landed on me, giving a smile and a two fingered wave. I waved back, but I doubt he could see it. 

I was set down on the ground, not entirely expecting to be in a tight hug the second I balanced myself. Lucky bursted out laughing, letting me go, “You are literally the best, Nathan.” I laughed with him, following Lucky into the room. 

——————

I didn’t eat anything. I wasn’t hungry. Of course Ryker tried to convince me to eat something, but I always answered no. Otherwise, dinner was okay. They had Lucky, Angela and I on the coffee table, which wasn’t really too big of a deal. I’m pretty sure Ryker and Dylan just didn’t want to handle any humans while they were eating, and hey, I was not about to say anything about it. There are just some things that will never leave my mind. 

After everyone ate, Dylan and Lucky started playing a game on the tv while Isabelle and Angela were playing hide and seek I’m pretty sure. I just hoped that no one would get hurt, but Ryker quickly reassured me that they would never harm one another. I just had to believe him. Most of his siblings are stuck together like glue. Which is a good thing. 

“It’s supposed to start snowing in a little bit.” Ryker announced, earning cheers from the other room where I was guessing Angela and Isabelle were. I was sitting on the arm rest of the couch by Ryker. I kind of wished that their house was a little warmer, because I was still annoyingly cold, but beggars can’t be choosers. I should have asked to grab a blanket. 

“Nice. Are we gonna go out?” Dylan asked, eyes glued to the screen. I had no idea who was winning, but I think it was him. 

“If you want to.” 

Ryker threw his phone on the other side of the couch, turning his head to the screen. I don’t want to go outside, but I’ll go if that makes things easier. I just don’t want to be in the snow. Reasons. Remember? 

It was about ten minutes later that it did actually start snowing. Angela and Isabelle were begging Ryker to let them outside, which he just laughed to and told them to get jackets on and to bring their hats. Dylan paused their game to go get on a jacket, and Ryker left to go help Isabelle. So I was alone in the living room while everyone was busy to go have some fun. I hated winter. In just three days. I reminded myself. 

What would happen? Would someone else be claimed victim? Something bad always happens during this time. I don’t know if it was just me. It probably was. Everyone else was smiling while I was crying in the corner. It’s how it was in the hospital. They all went outside if they could, and I stayed in my room, under the blankets and shove my face into my pillow to drown out my tears. I couldn’t do that now though. Not when so many people had their eyes on me. Not when a trip back to the hospital was a very viable option for me. I didn’t want to go back. Not because of something… traumatic that happened nine years ago. I should be over it, right? But I’m not. 

There goes one of my depression spells. Great. Just great. At a time like this? I sucked in a deep breath, calming myself down before anyone notices. This was embarrassing. 

Ryker came back into the room, eyes landing on me with an unsure look on his face. He walked up to me, holding a hand out. Was he not going to wear any gloves? He wouldn’t be cold? I stood up, keeping my balance on the soft surface underneath me and walking to climb onto his hand. 

“You don’t mind if I just keep you in my hand, right? I don’t want you to be freezing.” He asked. I shook my head, sitting down in the middle of his palm. That was actually what I preferred. I did not plan whatsoever to go into the snow anyways. 

Once everyone was outside, Ryker sat down on the stairs, cupping his hand and keeping me close. A little uneasy about it, but there was really no reason to be. It’s just instinct. And everything in me right now is saying to get the hell inside. But I wasn’t going to say that. Mostly because I don’t want to be alone.  

They were all screaming and laughing. It was snowing pretty hard too, already covering most of the frosted grass just after ten minutes. Other people were also sitting outside. Their kids playing around with the snow. I tried not to focus on that. Instead, I found myself scooting back slowly, almost to where I couldn’t see the heavy fall of the white flakes. 

My body was still freezing. It was so much colder than before. Was this how dad felt? The cold pricking at his skin I mean. 

“Nathan?” My thoughts were interrupted by a soft voice above me. I groaned, body shaking and stuffing my hands in my pockets to preserve some of my body heat. I shuddered a breath, trembling. It’s so cold… How could they even be having fun like this? I looked ahead, seeing Dylan helping Isabelle make a small snowman with both Angela and Lucky stuffed in his scarf. This was just another one of my depression spells. 

“Still cold?” Ryker asked me. I took a deep breath, “Y-Yeah…” It came out more like a quiet mumble, and I was surprised that he even heard me. Did he want to help them make a snowman? He probably did. I should just tell him to leave me inside. It would make things a million times easier for everyone. 

Ryker moved his hand a bit, making me worried about what he was trying to do, but he just kept it the same. I wondered why he was going through all this trouble just for me. There was really no point. There was only a couple more months until graduation and then we’d go our separate ways. That’s how it always goes. I’d be alone again, figuring out what to do with the rest of my life. That’s how my story goes. 

“Better?” 

I nodded my head, getting to a comfortable position and decided to just watch what they were all doing. Finishing up the head of the snowman. It was comfy even though I was kind of scared from being in someone’s hand. At least now that is. Currently I was just afraid of falling into the deep snow. I’m pretty sure if I fell I’d sink into it. Not something I would like to see or imagine. 

“You okay?” Ryker asked, softly smiling above me. There was no other response other than to nod. I couldn’t just say no. That wouldn’t do any good. But.. maybe if he notices that these next few days would be hard for me. Maybe. Just maybe. I doubt it though. I don’t plan on being here all of the time anyways. I couldn’t. 

Isabelle finished the snowman, grabbing some loose twigs for arms as they stepped back. It was still snowing, just not as much. Was dad watching me right now? Was he shocked just as much as I was? I never thought I’d ever be able to be around another giant for as long as I had lived, and here I am, sitting in one of their hands. Would he think I was crazy? Delusional? Psycho? Happy like my mom even? I would never know, but even I think I was crazy. 

Actually… why did I even trust Ryker? Or really anyone. They’re all so nice of course, but about four months ago I was so sure that every giant would only hurt me, and it almost became true with that lunch incident that felt like forever ago. So why did I trust these people with my life? In the back of my mind I keep thinking that this was all just a sick joke being played on me. But… I don’t think these people are lying about anything. They don’t have a reason to. And Ryker’s been nothing but patient, and kind, and… understanding. No one would go through all that trouble just to fool someone as gullible as me. 

I sighed, snuggling up closer to Ryker’s thumb and watching Isabelle throw snowballs at Dylan who was shielding Lucky and Angela from the crossfire. Was it scary being there? In the midst of everything? Having to trust someone at least fifty times your size to keep you safe? I sucked in a shaky breath, just watching. It wasn’t so bad really. 

———Ryker———

Today was November 24. Thanksgiving was here, and everything was a complete mess. I never learned how to make a turkey like the tradition, so usually I just made something that all of us had liked. Along with that, I had to make sure no one did anything too crazy while I was busy in the kitchen. Jasmine and Dylan were helping out cooking while I ordered something for Lucky and Angela. They both agreed on pizza (Because what else does a fourteen year-old and a four year-old want) so now I was busy with that. That part was mostly because Angela didn’t like when Lucky cooks something different. 

It was just pure chaos now. Everyone was running around the house, and at that point I had to ask Jasmine to keep an eye on Angela to make sure she didn’t wander off where we couldn’t find her. I wasn’t too worried about Lucky since he’s almost always with Dylan, plus he’s smart enough to stay off the floor when it’s something like this. 

I took out the lasagna, letting it cool down before making separate plates. Yeah, I know, super weird, but I can’t do anything better. I only know the basics thanks to my parents, and that was all I needed to know. 

There was a knock on the door, and I asked Dylan to open it. It was just the pizza. I washed whatever dishes I had and called everyone that dinner was ready. It’s days like this where I wished that my parents never left. I feel like I can never be like them even though I was the oldest. I mean, was I just supposed to let CPS split us all apart? I couldn’t do that. My siblings would never forgive me. I like to think that they’re all happy, but I doubt it. Sometimes I feel like I can’t do anything to help any of them. Like I’m doing this “parenting” thing all wrong. Of course I was. I was seventeen in my last year of high school taking care of five kids on my own while also juggling a job and trying to do fun things with them so we can forget about what happened a little over a year ago. There was no reason for one person to be doing all of this. 

It was snowing outside again. Not really surprising when you’ve lived here for your entire life. It was really nice though. I loved the cold. Weird, because most people don’t, but I do. I remember my parents freaking out when I would just be outside making a snowman in just a short sleeve and sweatpants when I was a kid. Of course it was so cold it burned, but I guess I kind of liked it? It was hard to explain. Or sometimes we’d stay inside and watch movies or play a game. I missed it really. 

“Ry.” Jasmine snapped her fingers in front of me to get my attention. I blinked a couple times before giving a clueless look. She groaned, “I asked if I could go shopping tomorrow, I have work the next three days so I just wanna go do something.”

“Oh, um, sure.” 

The tv was playing in the background, but I wasn’t paying attention. Come to think of it, I don’t think I was paying attention to anything. Dylan, Jasmine, and Lucky were all laughing about something. What were they laughing about again? Something about going back to school? I don’t even want to think about that right now. I needed a break anyways. Most of my classes love giving me piles and piles of work anyways. 

I sighed, pushing away my plate that I had barely eaten. The sun has already set, everyone was done eating, Angela asked Jasmine if she could go outside in the snow. She said yes, and so Isabelle followed. Dylan and Lucky were helping me wash the remaining dishes. Honestly I already felt so tired. It was only 8 p.m but my eyes threatened to close at any moment. 

“You okay, Ry?” Dylan asked, putting a plate up in the cabinet. 

“Yeah.” I replied, handing him another to dry. Lucky shook his head while continuously saying “no” over and over again. At some point Dylan grew tired of it and pressed the pad of his thumb into Lucky’s entire upper half of his body. 

“He’s not wrong. You’re always like this on holidays.” 

“I am?” I sighed, not really knowing how to get out of this one. These two have always been vigilant anyways. They would have noticed at some point. 

“Yeah.” 

“I don’t know. I just feel really tired today.”  

“That’s it?” 

“Mhm.” 

Dylan gave me a skeptical look before putting in another plate. He doesn’t believe me. I don’t think he ever will about these kinds of things. 

“Why don’t you call Nathan? You always seem happier around him.” 

I stopped only for a second, then continued to scrub off something on the pan I used. No. I won’t call him. Not this time. No matter how many times he’s actually made me feel better just by being here. I’ve noticed I was happier around him too, but it’s only short lived since he always goes back at the end of the day. Do I know why I was happier? Not really. I’ve thought of a few reasons. Because he’s the only friend I’ve made since middle school. He listens to me ramble on and on about the most useless information. Best of all he’s really nice. Doesn’t really seem like he’s tricking me either. Not that I think he could even if he wanted to. He was too sweet. 

“No.” I sighed. Cleaning out the sink and handing off the last dish. 

“Why not?” Dylan asked leaning against the counter. 

“Cause I’m tired. No point in calling if I’m just going to fall asleep,” I countered, drying my hands and heading to my room, “Make sure Isabelle and Angela are asleep by 10? Please?”  

Dylan nodded his head, I closed the door behind me and buried myself under the covers of my bed. I can’t keep on relying on Nathan to come fix every problem I have. He’s probably off dealing with whatever he’s doing right now anyways. But still, my hand reached for my phone, grabbing it and opening the messages app. I’m just gambling with myself at this point. If he answers in the next ten minutes I’ll ask to call, if he doesn’t, I’ll head to sleep. Either way it’s really a win-win. And here it goes. 

———Nathan———

I was laying on my bed, under the covers. No lights, no sounds, just nothing. I had cried earlier this morning when I visited his grave. My eyes were dry now. Red and puffy. I just sat curling in on myself while clutching the same teddy bear he gave me when I was still just a kid. It was childish, but if it’s all I have left of him then I’m taking advantage of that. 

Ironic, huh? How this holiday was supposed to bring family together. It was actually the opposite for me. Even though he didn’t actually die on this holiday, it’s just ironic how it happened this year. When we’re finally free and live like a “normal” family now. Was he watching me now? Sad and lonely in my bed? I hope he wasn’t. He’d scold me. 

My phone went off, but I didn’t feel like looking at it. It’s not like I wanted to be alone. Usually my mom would cheer me up by taking my mind off of it. Whether it was playing some makeshift game or just doing something I liked with me. What else was there to say? This year was the year I was completely alone. 

I sucked in a deep breath, picking up my phone with sore arms. I spent most of the day digging out the old flowers on his grave and replacing them with new ones. It was hard to do when a thin sheet of snow was covering most of the dirt and grass, but it was worth it to see the bright a beautiful colors. His favorites were lilacs. I remember mom telling me that. 

My eyes shot up when I saw who texted me. Ryker? I mean it was already night, so I doubt he was going to ask if I wanted to go over. But… I was kind of curious now. 

Ryker: Hey

Ryker: How was your day? 

Ryker: You’re probably doing something right now but I’d just thought I’d check what you were doing 

Sent five minutes ago. Why did he want to know what I was doing? It seemed weird to me, but maybe he was just bored. Did they celebrate? I hope they did. They seem to be happy with each other. 

Nathan: It was okay :) 

Nathan: And yours? 

Ryker: Chaotic

Nathan: Oh 

I wasn’t technically lying. My day was okay despite crying for most of it. 

Ryker: Yeahhh 

Ryker: Do you feel like calling? 

Ryker: You don’t have to of course 

I thought about it. It wouldn’t be that bad. Might keep my mind occupied.

  Nathan: Sure 

And so he called. 

“Hello?” His voice sounded tired and sad, like he just woke up or something. I couldn’t find my voice. It’s become rasp from sobbing anyways. It’d be embarrassing for it to sound like that over the phone. So hopefully it’ll get better in the morning. 

“Oh, right,” He sighed, “Sorry. I just felt like talking and usually you listen. You can just hang up if you don’t want to though.” He sounded nervous, but I didn’t want to hang up. Not only because it was the wrong thing to do, but because I always loved listening to what he was saying. No matter how irrelevant it was. It distracted my mind from everything wrong with me. And he seemed to like it when I did. 

Nathan: I’m listening 

I heard him let out a little chuckle before talking. I could hear at some points it sounded like he was going to cry, and some he sounded like he was so hurt, and sometimes he’d laugh. He changed the subject multiple times, but I kind of liked it. I just wished I could help in some other way. It sounded to me like he was stressed out and just wanted someone to be there, and I’m surprised none of his siblings were. Or maybe they were, but he just doesn’t want to put all of this on them. It seemed like something he would do. 

By the time he was done, it was an hour before midnight. Funny thing was, I wasn’t tired anymore. I was putting together pieces in my mind still about everything he had talked about. How he was mentally tired of juggling five things around at once. I would be too if I were him. How he’s been more and more exhausted by the end of the day. How his parents usually did all of these kinds of things. I was going to ask what happened to them, but I feel like that was a touchy subject. Especially when he just vented to me. I don’t mind though. Not at all. 

“Oh crap. Sorry for keeping you up.” Ryker apologized, saying sorry about five times before I texted him that it was okay. I wasn’t going to sleep anytime soon. 

“Thanks. Y’know. For listening.” I heard him yawn on the other side. He was the one tired. I silently laughed to myself, hugging the bear closer to my chest. If only he could see me now… this was embarrassing. He’d probably make fun of me for it. I wouldn’t care. 

“You’re too nice, you know that?” I heard shuffling on the other side of the phone. Probably Ryker getting ready to go to sleep. And I know this was selfish, but I didn’t want him to hang up. I didn’t want my mind to realize that I was alone again. Was is it really selfish then? To me, yes. It feels like I was making him do something he didn’t want to. 

“Hey, um, remember when you tried hugging me that one time? Why’d you do it?” He had asked, and I could practically see his face. Confused and happy at the same time. He was talking about when I had to stay overnight. I knew that would come up eventually, just not so soon. 

Nathan: Nobody’s ever been so nice to me before. Besides my mom of course 

Nathan: But I was kind of shocked you agreed without complaining 

Nathan: Are you mad about it?

“Mad? Nononono. Um, the complete opposite really,” He laughed quietly, “I was shocked, yeah, but happy too.” 

That gets rid of the guilt. I swear I thought I ruined everything between us, but now I know what he really thought. He wasn’t mad at me for anything. 

“What about the other day? When it was snowing. You looked comfortable. Like you were about to sleep.” My cheeks started blushing from embarrassment. I had hoped he didn’t see me snuggling closer into his palm to stay warm, but apparently he did. So embarrassing. I groaned quietly to myself, tightly hugging the bear closer. 

Nathan: Sorry 

Nathan: I was cold 

Nathan: You were warm 

Nathan: Sorry again 

It was silent for a second. 

“Why do you apologize for things like that?” 

I didn’t know the answer to that question. Usually my mind just takes over and then I spiral into the worst possible scenarios. So I have no idea why I do. Maybe because my brain thinks I’ll get hurt if I don’t? My body was scared of getting another broken bone or something getting hurt? 

Nathan: I don’t know 

It was silent again. 

“Do… do you like being around me? I-I mean most people stop talking to me as soon as they get what they want. So, I was just wondering.” His voice sounded hurt. Obviously this ha sharpened once or twice to him. And it hurt to hear that these things have happened to someone so amazing. I could never do that to Ryker. It’d hurt me more than it’d hurt him. 

“Y-yes.” I almost immediately replied, my voice a little raspy. It hurt to speak, but it was fine. It’ll get better in time. 

I heard him let out a sigh of relief, and I smiled. I was finally doing the right thing for once in my life. I’m kind of glad this was how the day ended. 

“I would give you a hug if you were here… and if you were comfortable enough with it,” We both laughed quietly, “I’ll let you go to sleep. I’ve kept you up long enough.” 

I shook my head, forgetting that he wasn’t here to see it. I didn’t want him to go. Then again he sounded exhausted. Then I would be the one keeping him up. Or he doesn’t even have to stay awake. Just the knowledge that I knew he was just on the other side of the phone was enough to make me feel like I wasn’t alone. 

“U-Um you d-don’t have to s-stay up b-but could we stay… stay on call? P-Please.” I waited for an answer, biting my tongue for stuttering so much. My body was shaky for no reason. I was nervous. He was going to say no. He was going to say no. He was going to- 

“I would love that.” 

I wish he could see the smile I had on my face. How fast my heart was beating. I laid down under the covers, getting comfortable and staring at my phone that read: Ryker: 3:14. Three hours and fourteen minutes. Another seven won’t hurt. 

“Thank you.” 

I fell asleep a couple minutes after he did. No nightmares haunted me tonight.

—————————————

My heart is meltinggggggg

By the way, this was not the great scene I was talking about. This was just one of many to make the one I actually want to write make sense.

Anywayssss I told you guys it would be a little plot heavy for a while! I loved how this chapter came out though.

Hope you enjoyed, and thank you for reading! Love you guys!

[taylorswiftstylequestions]

omfg i'm sorry to rant but i NEED a sympathetic person to hear this. i like the every single album podcast more than most swifties, but today's ep -- and the last few -- are driving me insane. i am so fucking sick of hearing nathan and nora wring their hands over what joe might deal with. all harassment is bad, but i am done pretending that jake g and john mayer went through….any kind of wringer? they had like...a semi-awkward couple of weeks? jake is still a mega a-lister and john mayer is widely considered to be one of the greatest living guitarists. fuck, what mayer did was outright predatory -- and he's done it to multiple women -- and lbr, he lives 99% of his life totally unperturbed by it. he's not losing gigs or status in the places that matter to him; i suspect a lot of swifties aren't aware of this but i'm a guitar nerd, and uh, yeah, he's considered a living god and no one gives a shit what he did to taylor. and literally everyone woman in the public eye, including taylor, goes through worse every single fucking day, even at their heights of popularity. i don't know how to deal with hearing nathan and nora worry about :(((( omg what will joe go through :((((( when he's never going to have disgusting ai porn of himself explode across twitter on a random weekday. maybe i feel this strongly b/c i work in games, where hordes of male fans regularly ruin random women's lives because they animated a female character wearing a t-shirt instead of a string bikini, but i can't deal with this anymore. these men are fine. lots of people get mad at them, but it's because they did truly shitty things to her and she refused to absorb it silently. then it breaks, and their lives go on.

---

I feel like Nora really articulated what Anon was trying to say the other day about along the gist of "I hope something really bad happened to justify all of this." Interesting perspectives! Btw I just want to be super clear that I don't think Taylor or anyone has to justify anything like that! Just thought it was interesting how Nora put it in the latest episode and T's power is the unusual part of this equation.

---

In a very classic "I thought the two of you should meet!" re: today's The Ringer / Every Single Album pod episode.

I will say I read both of these messages before listening to the episode myself and tbh I think Nora ultimately landed in a pretty middle and reasonable place (it started out pretty rocky though) by the end of the episode. My understanding is she ultimately felt like Taylor has every right to tell the story that she wants / needs to tell and the work will speak for itself. That this is Taylor going face to face with the elephant in the room and (probably - we don't know obviously) not obfuscating the reality that we all saw play out in real time behind 'fictionalized' half truths roleplayed by semi-imaginary characters. And at the end of the day the (likely - AGAIN WE DON'T KNOW) reality is that she's prepared to walk through the narrative that is this pressure cooker storyline many are waiting with baited breath for which is the deterioration of her most significant relationship to date.

All that to say is that I think both of these points are incredibly valid. I personally have a lot of feelings wrapped up in it that do tend to come down more on the side of it's strange that the default position is this desire to sign up as first in line defence attorney for a man when the crime as we know it is 'woman writes her life into art'.

Nora interestingly noted that there's a "pressure for this album to come with receipts" (paraphrase) based on this (fan) hyped up narrative of something sinister having gone awry that this album will pull the curtain back on. And if it fails to do that, enter said self-appointed attorneys.

[zero-buds]

I really wanna talk about Nathan Ford and Jim Sterling's relationship. Because it is, if nothing else, a clear line in the sand on the same side of the coin. Oh sure, one despises crime, but not because they inherently believe it's evil. And sure, one crossed a line, but it wasn't as if it was unexpected -it was just a shame it took a tragedy for them to cross it. And, just to be clear, Jim Sterling isn't on anyone's side and neither is Nathan Ford. No good, no bad, just self-satisfaction and there's enough time between them to know that they couldn't give a flying fuck either way about it.

Both are self serving assholes, both have personalities that are - for lack of a better term, stoic and dry as Death Valley, and both have a penchant for stepping over other people to get what they want.

The Only Reason Nate is even slightly more likeable is because at least the guy isn't a coldhearted bastard in the literal sense. At least he's Honest, and has some kind of empathy for other people.

Sterling barely does. All he knows is Black and White. There shouldn't be an in between. No grey area at all in Sterling's view. But the world doesn't operate that way, and Sterling knows that, which is why he detests the Leverage crew so much.

Him and Nate used to be on the same side (i mean they recovered art for rich people but they were just grunts following the law y'know). Used to chase the very same criminals that Nate now works alongside with. And that has to hurt a little.

Sterling feels betrayal, and maybe a bit of sadness. He lost the only friend he actually liked :( and that's in no way fair in his opinion. He's bitter about it when he meets Nate again in the first season. Especially when Nate dismisses their history.

Their friendship had to mean something to the now criminal mastermind. Surely, their years of friendship had meaning to it. (He attended birthday parties, a wedding ceremony, babysat for the Fords. I mean what else does he have to do to show that friendship?)

But if that's how it was going to be, fine, Sterling will begrudgingly play the bad guy even though he's pretty sure he's not. So he plays up the manipulative, cold-hearted antagonist who thwarts Nate at almost every turn. It's better than never getting to hear from Nate ever again. It's better than being told they were never friends (even if it stings).

When Nate gets shot in season 2, Sterling panicked. It wasn't supposed to go down that way but no. Nate chose to protect the crew, and he takes advantage of Sterling's beliefs that they're still friends to help them escape. It says alot about their relationship if Nate believes that Sterling would care. Would take the deal and let his crew escape. Sterling must have hated that Nate was right.

But the cycle continues. They meet, they banter, and they use each other. Again, and again and again. They're not exactly tethered to each other, nor do they seek each other out, but Sterling knows that if he pushes right, Nate will push left, keeping the balances in check.

[leafsbabe]

(This shall be kept vague so as to not jinx anyone, sorry this is so long, and I can’t write endings either)

Looking back, everyone is pretty sure exactly when you got pregnant. There was champagne and party after party and Nate and Sid and Nate and Sid. And then there was Nate and Sid and the next thing you know you haven’t had your period in a month and half and golly gosh darn it, what do you know? You’ve got four different brands of pregnancy tests from the pharmacy and they all say the same thing. Pregnant, about two months along.

You know that wasn’t the plan at all. Sid and Nate are still l celebrating even thought it’s been a month, Sid’s going back to Pittsburgh in a month and Nate back to Denver, and now with a baby tagging along, you don’t know where that leaves you. You’ve all talked about it, but in the abstract ‘hey, that’ll be nice to think about for the future’ way that apparently needs to be sped up to a now conversation. Who’s the father, how public is it going to be? Where do you get an OBGYN?

You go to the NHL store and spends a small fortune on express shipping a Penguins Crosby onesie and an Avalanche MacKinnon onesie, then they buy the smallest pair of skates available on Amazon. It’s all shipped to a friend’s apartment, less chance of being discovered prematurely there. It takes almost a week for all of it to arrive, but it does. You go to the doctor to confirm, and come home with at least 10 copies of an ultrasound showing your little bean. Nate’s box has the Crosby onesie, one of the skates, and one of the ultrasounds. Sid’s is the same, except with the Crosby onesie.

Its nerve wracking, waiting for them to notice that you’ve changed somehow in some implicit way that pregnant people must change. You end up waiting another two days to give them the boxes. They come home sweaty from a peewee practice that they host over the summer. Sid and Nate, for all that they are adults with serious jobs and responsibilities, can never say no to the kids, pulling off increasingly stupid and hard tricks just to win cheers and laughter from their young audience. They’re chatting in the kitchen when you plop down the boxes. It takes some cajoling for them to open the boxes, “you shouldn’t have,” and “I don’t need anything, I’ve got all I want right here,” falling from their lips.

They open the boxes at the same time, but it’s Sid who figures out what it means first. He looks up, eyes wide and glossy. “For real,” he asks, starting to choke up. Nate must have caught on too, because he’s also looking at you, wonder and awe in his eyes. “Yeah,” you say, tearing up yourself. “I know it’s not like how we planned, but I guess we celebrated a little too hard after finals.”

Both men stand up and wrap themselves around you. Given that it’s the height of summer, their embrace is too warm and sweaty, the humidity seems to hang in the air like a gossamer mist that puts a shine on everything it touches. “Don’t care,” Nate says, squeezing you and Sid harder. Sid hugs harder too for a second before loosening his grip and smacking Nate’s arms. “Is that too tight for the baby?” Nate loosens his grip too. “Oh shit, I didn’t even think,” he trails off, blushing. “What about all the.. you know.. bedroom stuff, are they like, ok?” Sid takes a step forward and ruffles Nate’s hair, long and sun bleached. “Idiot,” he says with a voice that can only be described as disgustingly fond, “Nathan, sex isn’t going to hurt the baby.” He pauses and turns to look at you. “Right,” he asks, pouting a little.

You laugh at them for a second. “Yeah, we’re good to celebrate all we want.” You lean in to Nate, pull him down and stage whisper “maybe this time you’ll knock Sid up,” and lean in to swallow his needy moan. Nate pulls you towards the bedroom, and you look back at Sid, whose face has flushed a lovely pink, standing there slack jawed and stiff. You reach out your hand and he takes it. “Bedroom,” Nate grunts and Sid follows.

little baby MacCrosby is going to be so fucking loved but I completely agree that Nate should knock up Sid next

[poupeesdecirque]

"Tainted Dolls" - And how I handle them

I have mentioned on IG I want to actually blog more, write down my thoughts and impressions to get things out of my mind and share my expierence. This is a rather personal entry on how I handle dolls that got "tainted" in some way.

With "tainted" I mean difficulties that I came across during ordering, receiving, working with other artists, postal services and maybe my own standards.

The pictures above all feature some different dolls that got tainted for me, I have a lot more some carry heavier weight, some have lost their tainted status/I forgot about it, some are old, some are pretty recent.

If you are interested in those please read ahead.

Let's define what kind of dolls truly fall under the "tainted" term for me with examples and how I handled them ever since. Not doing all that's... too much of negativity to deal with rn. Starting with some ages cases and moving on to more recent dolls to see how things can develop.

Before I start I can tell I always try to give the doll a chance, to win my "love". There was one case I but the doll/head on sale after unboxing because I was so disappointed, let's start with that one.

Elisa - Unoa Lusis FP - Wrong Colors

With Elisa it is... Ara was my main Face up Artist for years but I wanted to expand a bit. After Nathan (Elisa's BF) was painted by Lynsey and it worked greatly I send Elisa's FP off to another local Artist to paint her. The photos looked great and I always wanted a cute Unoa.

But as I unboxed the FP the colors were completely off, nothing matched to the photos, the artist was baffled insisting the photos were correct. I put the FP on sale right away ... she was bought by said face up artist .. well.

I can tell I later on got my Unoa Lusis with the most beautiful Face up I think this was a gap to fill.

Now to the dolls that got a chance with me:

Samuel (LM Little Bear) - Goodbye head?

Samuel's 2nd shell was send to Canada for a Face up by Belladonna. I absolutely adored her style & her circus crew but I wasn't in for what was upon me. She went mia. Alright I knew she did that from time to time - I tried anyways. But she went really mia on doll forums but was super active on Instagram and I actually made my IG account back then to get in touch with there as she didn't reply to mails or PMs. She told me the same over and over again if she didn't ignore me or pretended I never wrote her. It took me months of back & forth to get him home after treatening to open a paypal dispute after the time she told me like 4 or 5 times "he'll be ready by the end of the week" but poured out Cosplay photos and was super active in everything but not this commission. In the end I finally got him back 3 months overdue. After I ordered a replacement head because I was certain to never see this head again.

As I got him back I instantly loved him and all the hassle was almost forgotten. I can tell he is a very tame case of 'tainted'. The replacement head was send to a local artist whom I trust a lot to paint him as casual variant. Ever since Samuel is fine for me.

There are several other cases in which issues with the Face up artist left a bitter taste for me, may it be the Artist being incredibly weird, taking forever or me getting back dolls unfinished, some of the dolls are doing great, some still have a bitter vibe, I won't get into all here. I can tell that the majority of the ones with face up issues are indeed dolls I am not doing much with, I take them out here and there but don't 'feel' it. Why don't I sell those? Well I still like the dolls and it's not like they feel anything, I can put them on display and still think they look nice.

Captain - Dear Mine Gorgi - Wrong delivery

Captain was a curious case, you might wonder what was wrong with the little fella?

Well it was that this was his first unboxing ....

Yep, I got send the wrong doll. I was devastated. But gladly Dearmine helped out, I was allowed to send the doll back, they paid me the shipping and shipped out the correct doll later. This got happily resolved and Captain doesn't feel tainted for me anymore.

Weirdly Tyki arrving broken/bend on arrivel didn't taint him for me, just in case you were wondering.

Artists going MiA - What about my doll?

I'll put these two together as they are similar.

First case here is a "happily resolved" I will start with that one. The doll in question is my ZeligenArt Anglerfish. Marie went mia from time to time, updated here and there. But after a year and her being mia for some time I made a callout post asking if somebody had heard of her as I knew she had some of the dolls in for a while. She got to me within hours, send my doll out the coming week and even gifted me a 3D file of a bjd. Which was the BJD Shark (Hanke), the whole transaction ended well and I like the doll, it's not taken out much but it's a fish anyways, that's okay.

Second case is the infamous Bulbasaur from Into the Deep Dolls. I never have expierenced such a liar of an artists in before. His bad luck was that Ara had an order going on as well and I could call out his lies af of "postal service is not operating in your country" as Ara got the order in a day prior. It was fight as the order date had passed any protection in the end I got the doll tossed some paint onto it, not even posted a boxopening as I hated it so much but felt bad when I would sell it as it's fanart of a series and made me torn from the start. I didn't even look at the doll for over a year.

Until my hobby burnout came and I somewhat decided to try everything to make it better.. Pumpkins helped. I repainted the little thing.

Now it's on a better display and taken out for photos even.

The Storyteller - DC Alva - Perfectionism and the Burnout done

Coming to more recent or interesting cases here. The Storyteller. What is wrong with him? I can tell my own personal standards. I projected a lot into his, I was hyperfixated on this character, everything needed to be perfect. As I failed to paint him myself I send him out to theUgliestWife who did an amazing job painting him. But upon arrival none of his eye made him look like what I wanted him to be, he looked DEAD to me. I have to say he arrived during the time my hobby burnout was happening and every little bit was enough to make me wheep. (I will get to the worst case here after him)

The photoshoot above is the 2nd take of the first try, the first is still so ugly to me that I can't look at the photos. The 2nd photoshoot is okay-ish but still feels icky.

I tried over and over again, had him ob display next to me, every time I changed things and took photos it felt wrong and dead. But I loved the character, I think in 2023, after 2 years of having him, I finally resolved the issue. He is easier for me now, the taint still swings with him a bit. But photos feel more natural. I think the main point was retaking the photoshoot that started it all.

So that's how he now feels for me:

At least as doll, the character is still not back to full force with me, OCs are hard to me. But I need the distance I guess. Maybe one day I will get into them again.

The UPS Desaster & Hobby Burn Out Triangle

What finally had led to my hobby burn out might be that photoshooting with the Storyteller as last drop but a big chunk of it was the UPS Desaster.

To make it short: these three dolls were shipped in May and arrived in August. They arrived in Germany in May. I live in Germany. They were scanned each day by UPS over and over and over again, 3 hours from where I live. The dealer (Angelesque) helped from the other side trying to free the parcel. After almost 3 full months in transit I finally got the dolls (I had to treaten them with a lawyer...), pissed off because I wanted to work on them to get them to the sea with me, I was super into merfolk around that time and even ordered one more which got tainted as well, but well they came in too late.

I pulled through customizing all three dolls at insane speed because around that time I kinda had a mental race going on with having them done upon arrival to be one of the first to have that type of doll finished ... I have literally no idea why that was a thing for me but it somehow developed. This was not possible anymore and my little shell got more and more cracks. I completely burned myself out by doing insane mods on them (breast removal by hand, additive mods, bodyblush for 3 dolls, 2 of them 70+), face ups, hair, photos. I was drained for my full summer break and beyond. I tried to get into things again but nope. Then the thing with the Storyteller happened. OCs seemed to be cursed for me, they didn't spark joy anymore. That's when I turned into fandolls again and pumpkins.

Kaneki saved my ass and Pumpkins helped, a few dolls (OCs) arrived around that time I never really got into them. Those are Tamani and Leopold.

They fall into the Triangle, I never was able to develop their characters as they somehow hit a negative nerve for me. I really like them as doll they are pretty to look at. What got me out was my DC Enoch arriving, scrapping making him into a OC (he was planned as Guardian for the Storyteller and uh... nope not happening), turning him into Clown Mana saved my hobby ass and got me back into the hobby along with D.Gray-man. Things got a bit lighter and I even got 1-2 "fresh" dolls after that but not for a "race" like I did in earlier days.

But a doll whom I ordered during the high time of the Burnout was Eeske my DC Beacher

She kinda got the treatment of "okay I will customize you but toss you in a corner afterwards" and I still kind of treat her like that. I will eventually come back to her when more time has passed.

This whole ordeal peaked with ...

Preorders out of Hell

These have different stories and this still hurts as they are super fresh .. but alright. Imagine you just had the whole Bulbasaur fuckup that leant into UPS being the most horrible shipping service and ultimately getting into a hobby burn out here. This all within a span of several months.

Pumpkins and D.Gray-man were my safety zone here. I got several preordered, got some heads, all fun and stuff.

1 - Pumpkins by Mirror. Not Mirror's fault she shipped my order in time but ... the postal service ate it. She replaced the order and 1 year later I had it and she even gifted me the other two heads. I can tell the little pumpkin Patchlings are already 'green lit' for me and have lost their tainted status.

2 - The failed Lavi.

Picture here is Lavi's 2nd shell as I am still super pissed towards the artist of the first shell. To make it short: Preorder happened, Preorder had problems with the Casting. Got promised a solution (that was Other caster with Body), solution was cancelled because "It's impossible to make such a body" (yeah they promised to make it without people needing to pay what was not that smart to begin with but alright, I would have paid for a matching body) ALBEIT happiliy posting that they made up a body in no time on their media. Preorder forth and back, got told "I will write each of you what we will do" - Refund without any further word. While we were mutuals. Artist pretending nothing happened towards me, Refund was less than what I had paid because of the exchange rates, I didn't get any apology, they got protected by the community, I got told to shut up. Ultimately I blocked the artist everywhere for my own sanity. And my mind will hate you if you support such an asshole behavior. End of story.

I got a replacement for Lavi because I want to have him as doll, I want to get over with this but he is still super hard for me. I am not sure if this head will work but I will try.

3 - Vampire Pumpkin not so much fun

Okay you have two lost pumpkin heads in the mail, a preorder failing on you and then a preorder going on for 1 year already with the artist ghosting you for two months.

This was not fun, I got Sokrates after some very questionable mails on my side and then ... UPS. Trying. the. same. shit. as. with. the. mermaids.

But this time with the artist (aka sender) not cooperating with helping me to free the parcel. I played the lawyer card right away as I was still getting flashbacks from the mermaids. As he arrived after 1 1/2 years after I ordered him I pushed him back on my working list for almost a year. I painted him inbetween to "do" something on him but well.

He is now a full doll and working on him yesterday was not a "yay he's here" but more "oh lord he is here finally this shitshow will end, come on I just want you to be done to put you into a dark corner and forget you exist".

The whole thing resulted in me pushing back ordering dolls/bodies for the heads I got as I wasn't able to deal with shit anymore. I turned to making more clothes for the dolls I have, finish my own head, pour more time into the customs overall. And got Cosplay sewing back to my mind. Yes, Cosplay is now my way to cope when the Hobby turns its back on me.

I mean there are things that frustrate me, but if I am the one doing it (aka being stupid while sewing) I am at fault and can try again later, I want to give my dolls a chance too. Ultimately I get up when I fall, I like my dolls.

I think the best way for me is to cool down for a while, set them aside and try again later on. The later could be the next day, month or even years later.

Some never will reach the status others have, some always will have a bitter taste to them. Some turn into fun dolls to have, some into favorites maybe. It's different from doll to doll.

[catkin-morgs-kookaburralover]

@monthly-challenge 2024 | 14. "I Love You"

I used this prompt for my original characters, Nathan and Patience: the story is under the cut.

Word count: 1,286

It was the perfect afternoon to be walking through a forest, leaves crunching and just enough coolness in the air to make walking something Patience relished. She didn’t need to be bundled up in more than the one jumper, but she could enjoy the wool against her skin, and enjoy being warmed through and glowing with exercise.

And, of course, there was Nathan, to top off the perfection of it all. His merry conversation brightened her heart and mind.

At present they were talking of Rhona.

“She’s great,” said Patience, warmly. “I’m so glad I got over my dislike of her years ago. Sometimes she’s very upbeat, when I can’t see anything good in a situation, but she manages to see it. It’s good for me: I’m not an optimist, naturally. I’m fairly pessimistic. Chalk that up to autism, maybe, but it’s true. Rhona still has that fire in her heart which I wish I had.”

“You’re getting very poetic today,” he said. “I’m surprised you don’t consider yourself an optimist. You always seem to see the bright side, to me.”

“Oh, trust me, that’s an act. Or at least, it’s something I’ve taught myself. And Rhona has helped to teach me that.”

“If you’re a pessimist then I don’t know what I am. A nihilist, maybe.”

“Oh, you’re not a nihilist!” She turned to him, laughing; the laughter faded a little as she saw how serious he was. “Honestly, Nathan.”

“I don’t know. Sometimes I have those leanings.” He shrugged, shook off the dark thought. “Anyway, it’s a beautiful day and a beautiful day to be out walking with the girl I love. I hope you’re enjoying it as much as I am.”

“I don’t know precisely how much you’re enjoying it, so I can’t say,” she said lightheartedly. She was glad of the change of subject.

“With all my heart and soul,” and he was the most serious she had yet seen him that day.

“Then yes—I’m enjoying it as much as you are.”

“Good.”

They walked on hand in hand, except when Patience broke the grasp to go and frolic briefly in a large pile of leaves.

“When I was a kid,” she told him exultantly, “I prayed I’d never lose my love of autumn leaves and playing in them. I think my prayers have been answered. And plane trees make the best leaves.”

“And the best allergens, but anyway.”

“I can see why they want to get them out of Melbourne—there are so many—but while I may I shall play in their leaves,” replied Patience. She pushed a stray hair out of her face, went to rejoin Nathan and slipped. He pulled her out of the pile, asking if she was hurt, but she was hurt in no way apart from her pride, and still laughing.

And she knew she was beautiful in his sight.

They walked together hand in hand, silent now and listening to the birds. Abruptly Nathan said, “I love you.”

She glanced at him, jewel-bright. “I love you too. I’m glad we have this time.”

“So am I. Gosh—I remember when I first phoned you up, a year and a half ago now.”

“Not a year and a half, not yet: we’re only in April, remember.”

“Oh, close enough,” he said, smiling. “I remember phoning you. I meant to ask you out right then and there, but I chickened out. And then I stared at the phone just before I rang you and wondered who would pick it up? And it was you, and all my prayers were answered. I think I said something stupid about Saint Stephen’s Day, just because it sounded too scary to keep talking. And because I’d intended to ask you out as a proper date, I didn’t actually have a time in mind, but I knew I was free all day so I picked a time. I woke up late that next morning, purposefully stayed up late so I would wake up late because of nerves. I wondered what you’d think of me. And then I felt like I muffed the whole asking you out on a date thing, and that you’d never accept me. I’d liked you as not-just-a-friend for two months at that stage, I’m pretty sure. One time I saw you dancing with Steve, and you moved so gracefully and I was watching and then I was just like, Oh, I’m in love with her. It was as simple as that. It felt like a bombshell, honestly. I hadn’t expected that, but suddenly there it was. Love. I didn’t question it at any point of the process; I didn’t say, Am I sure I really love her? I just waited for a couple of months, and tried to befriend you better, but in the end it was just that I felt I needed to tell you or bust.”

Patience gripped his hand. “Meanwhile I was there completely innocent of any feelings for you, Nathan, and then you said you wanted a date—like, I’d guessed it was possible that was what you were asking about, so I’d had some thoughts on the matter, but I still had no idea what I was planning to say when you asked me out. Things just happened. I said what I felt like and it turned out that meant that we were going to go on dates. It was a bit surreal, really.”

“It was surreal for me too. I really thought you were interested in Steve, and if you’d said no I would have asked if it was Steve.”

“Heavens, no!” she exclaimed, in a voice that made him laugh. “Not Steve. Listen, I love the guy, but we’d never work out. He’s not kind enough—that is, not in the way I need my boyfriend and hopefully eventual husband to be.” She looked at him again, sidelong. “Like you are.”

“You dear thing,” he said, and kissed her quickly.

Patience smiled at him. “You’re very dear to me, and I’m ever so glad you plucked up the courage to ask. Honestly, I think girls have it easy—we aren’t expected to ask you lot out, at least if we don’t want to. But then again that does mean that we’re sitting in silence wondering if the gentleman likes us or not.”

“And some men aren’t gentlemen about it, either,” he said. “But if God is with me I’ll do my best to be a gentleman for you for the rest of my life.” He laid his hand on his heart, and what might have seemed melodramatic seemed only painfully sincere. Nathan was utterly in earnest.

“Thank you,” she said, and told him again that she loved him. “You’re almost too good to be true, you know.”

“What! I have far too many vices.”

“No, but in our relationship. Really it runs remarkably smoothly. I would have expected to be in a relationship which was pretty volatile, myself. But you’ve made this relationship easy and pleasant for me. For that, I thank you.”

“That sounds like you’re about to break up with me,” he said, with a somewhat nervous laugh.

“Never!—Well, I won’t say never, not until we’ve truly committed ourselves to each other. But for now I will say I cannot see myself wanting to walk away from this relationship at any point, near or far. You’re the one I love.”

“Barbara Manatee,” he agreed placidly, and both broke into giggles.

“All right, I walked straight into that one,” she agreed, covering her mouth. “But I was sincere about it.”

“I know. So was I. Assigned Barbara Manatee at VeggieTales reference.”

Their laughter continued until morale improved.

Tagging @stealingmyplaceinthesun @graycedelfin @pilgrimsofworship@noisette-tornade and @choasuqeen

[fishymom-art]

Bendy and the Dark Revival: Trailer Review

 Attention! This post contains spoilers for the new trailer of the game Bendy and the Dark Revival!

If you haven’t watched the trailer, do it first and then come back to read! I also advise you to check out the stream over on @halfusek​ ‘s YouTube channel, where we reacted to the trailer and discussed it too, but you can do it after you finish reading :))

LET’S START, SHALL WE!

Let’s begin with a huge WHAT THE HELL????? There is so much in this trailer and so many details! I rewatched it a few times already and noticed something new every time! So we have a looooot to unpack.

I will discuss the trailer and theorise about what might happen and what could some things mean. I will be more than happy to hear your own theories based on the trailer! I’ll make a separate hashtag for it, so I don’t lose all of it :). Maybe when the game comes out, we could go through some of those theories again and see, if we did guess something right.

Also sorry in advance if my screenshots aren’t very high quality, I’m working with what I have here, and what I have isn’t always good XD

Onto the trailer!

It starts with a short cutscene of Audrey at her drawing desk. A detail I noticed while making the screenshots, is that it seems to be dark outside and she’s either completely alone at the studio, or there aren’t that many people around for the purpose of making the player concentrate only on the main character, hahaha. 

We also have a screenshot from the Bendy Store website showing more of her workplace. Well would you look at that! She has Henry’s picture hanging on her wall :))

(look at her. She’s so pretty with her cute cheeks and uh... Yellow-ish eyes, for some unknown reason)

I’m pretty sure this is how the game starts. And since we were told that the game is separated into chapters again, I assume that in the first chapter we will explore the layout of the place she works in more and play as the normal Audrey, before she gets covered in ink and shit hits the fan. I’ll stick with the theory that Audrey works for Nathan Arch and not in Joey’s Studio, because this place looks VERY different from what we’re used to.

I also assumed that she might be a replacement for Henry when he left, mainly because of his drawing on her wall. But it might also indicate that she’s either his relative or that little girl asking Joey to tell more stories at the end of the first game... hm. But it looks like the game finds itself a few years later after the events of the first game. Like, for example, we were shown that Audrey drew with colours, which means it’s the era of coloured animation. The first full-color animated film was released in 1930s and became frequent by 50s and her hairstyle and clothes seem to line up. MY PROBLEM IS THAT JDS WAS ESTABLISHED IN 1929 AND OPERATED FOR 30 YEARS. SO EITHER THE DEVELOPMENT OF CARTOON INDUSTRY IN THE BENDY UNIVERSE IS VERY SLOW, OR THEY ALL DECIDED TO STICK WITH THE OLD FASHIONED “DRAWING ONE MOVEMENT FOR 10 HOURS BY HAND ON PAPER WITHOUT ANY COLOR” TECHNIQUE FOR MUCH LONGER THAN THEY SHOULD’VE, BECAUSE THE CARTOONS WERE IN COLOR ALREADY LIKE 10 YEARS AFTER THE STUDIO WAS ESTABLISHED. AM I MISSING SOMETHING?????

khem. Anyway.

When the shot with the corridor appears, we hear a loud noise and Audrey saying “What was that?”. It sounds like something opened or turned on in the building. It doesn’t show what that was or what happened, but I guess she went to check it out, because it’s totally safe and a good idea to go towards scary loud noises [thumbs up]. 

We’re cut straight to a new character, who is probably either the main antagonist or one of the main antagonists alongside other characters that we’re more familiar with (Alice, Ink Demon, etc.).

WELCOME THE CREPPY OLD GUY AKA WILSON!

He is greasy, he is ugly, he looks like someone made a human version of Carver from Showdown Bandit that looks too much like Singed from Arcane. It seems like this is the Unknown guy that was talking to us in the Gameplay Trailer. I really hoped that it’ll be Nathan, but this dried out fig will do too. 

Before I talk a little more about the zombification of Peter Capaldi, let’s look at this screenshot a little more. Behind him is something that looks like a mini version of the Ink Machine. It might be the thing that turned Audrey into the inky mess she’ll be for the rest of the game. But there are also some kind of posters about what seems to be... a movie? About Joey Drew? It’s called “Joey Drew: The Man and the Demon”, and is produced by the Arch Gate Pictures (HOORAY! MY ASSHOLE OF A BOY IS CANON IN THE GAME, HALLELUJAH!). Since the location we’re in still looks like the place we’re started off in, it supports my theory that Audrey works for Nathan. 

Back to the human cotton swab aka Wilson. Since he refers to our main girl by her first name, it seems like he knows Audrey or was at least told about her.

After his appearance there are a couple of shots showing Audrey transforming into her inky form, so to say. This is what she will look like for the rest of the game. The way they cut to her panicking while turning into an ink creature right after introducing our new baddie, makes me think that Wilson turned her into an ink creature. Maybe he like... poured ink on her or smth?

Now let’s make a little stop here, because while I was writing, the official Bendy Twitter account shared this picture:

First of all, I want to assume that it’s not an only reference we will get. Maybe we will see one for Allison or maybe even our new ugly antagonist, Wilson! Let’s go through it first, shall we?

- They deliberately point out, that Audrey was unwillingly pulled into the cartoon world of Bendy. - She has unique mysterious powers. Something that Henry did not have. Which means I have no clue what she can and cannot do. - And there is a new evil at work in the studio. I’m pretty sure they mean Wilson, because there aren’t any new evil characters who could play a big role in the story, except that male version of Annabelle Doll.

And she’s working those hips, like damn girl, looking sharp!

Anyway, I don’t really have much to say about it yet. I will point out stuff about her design later in the review though!

Anyway, back to the trailer.

Now you can notice those familiar textures and the color scheme. We’re in the Joey Drew Studios, aka now “Bendy’s Cartoon World”, as referred to in Audrey’s bio. I have two options for why we’re suddenly in JDS. It’s either:

- Hidden under the Arch Gate Facility like the Freddy Fazbear’s Pizzaplace under the Pizzaplex in Security Breach or - Audrey’s tripping balls and sees everything like that because of her new shiny lightbulbs that replaced her eyes.

Both theories are standing on legs made out of cheap dry plasticine and have almost no points that could’ve supported them (except Wilson actually being supposedly present in the studio at all times), but oh well! Let’s put THAT nonsense aside and look at some new shiny shots of the JDS! Oh, wait, we’ll look at a crucified Lost One first.

It looks like this guy went through some... extreme bullcrap. But oh wait! Is that- Is that what I think it is?! The new weapon that I keep referring to as the Gold Blitz?!... are we going to just... rip it out of this guy?... Oof.

By the way, from now on, I will always refer to this mechanism as the Gold Blitz, because I’m used to it and I can’t really tell what it’s supposed to be in general. So until we get a clear explanation on what it is and what it’s called, you’ll have to deal with my creative choices.

Other than the obvious rehearsal of some biblical events, we have “Demon Follower” written on the wall next to the Lost One. I assume that being a Demon (pretty sure they mean Bendy) Follower here is strictly prohibited and... very creatively punished. Which is a pretty drastic difference from the first game, where the Lost Ones and Sammy were more known as Ink Demon’s followers. But the Ink Demon and support towards him being vilified is a pretty big deal here. During some other shots, we hear a monologue from no other than a less sexy Morty from Hello Puppets Wilson:

(I couldn’t understand some of the words he said, but the overall meaning is clear, I think) “[...] Children of the Machine. For 211 days you’ve lived without the Ink Demon haunting your [?]. I banished him away. In return, I ask just a little favour. There is a stranger. Bring her to me!” (I’ll come back to that last part later)

After some very VERY beautiful shots of the locations that I’ll show shortly after this, we have those posters, saying “Relax, Wilson Knows Your Purpose”. Wilson here is called “The Man Who Killed The Ink Demon”.

Now here’s a little spelling game! Can you spell “PROPAGANDA”? If you need a hint, I can give you a sentence where this word can be used: “This is a clear case of propaganda and manipulation that shows Wilson as the true hero and saviour, who supposedly got rid of the Ink Demon and freed everyone!”

Now, I can’t really say that the Ink Demon is good, because he clearly isn’t. But Wilson is lying, because we do get to see Ink Demon later in the trailer and we have others talking about him. Did this walking example of what lung cancer does to a person brainwashed the Lost Ones into thinking they are safe? It portrays him as a great leader who can easily manipulate other people into believing him, because “Oh, he saved us from this big threat we experienced! We owe him!”.

I think those are some obvious things and a pretty good introduction to a completely new character. I’ll be very surprised if I was wrong with my theory on who he is and what his motives are XD.

NOW LET’S LOOK AT THOSE PRETTY SHOTS OF THE STUDIO I TALKED ABOUT BEFORE!

Look at those details that aren’t distinguishable because of the poor quality of my screenshots!

Okay, jokes aside, it does look extremely pretty. I don’t really have anything else to say about this shot. It’s just. It’s just so much better. Here, have a screenshot of the same location in the first game. DO YOU SEE WHAT I’M TALKING ABOUT?

Although we’ve been waiting for a long LONG time, I am still glad that they took their time with the game. It has so much more to itself and the new design, graphics and overall look make the wait worth it. I’m going to enjoy the hell out of this game when it comes out.

And here’s the other shot! There are... so many details. Clearly this is a cafeteria/canteen or something like that. Honestly looks even like a bar to me, which doesn’t really fit the fact that it’s a fricking studio, but there are many other things that make you question the definition of the word “studio” in this game, so we’ll look over it for now.

I can’t really recognise anything special here except maybe those 3 signs that look like licence plates.

One of them has 414 written on it, because of course it does. I dunno why it has 210 first, I didn’t find anything. The other says “OUTATIME” and the third is “SLW-287R”. Those reference the license plate of the DeLorean Time Machine from “Back to the Future” and Mr. Bean’s car. Nothing else, really, haha.

Of course we also have our beloved Little Miracle station standing in the background, as well as something called Dream Supply and Tasty Eats. I have little to no clue what those are, actually. I’m still confused why is a locker called Miracle Station. But I learned to never question the design choices the developers make, so we’ll just move on.

We also get a quick look at the Art Department or at least something that looks like it, as well as GOLD BLITZ WOOHOO!!! I still have NO idea what this thing is for.

But what I do know, is that we can CHARGE this bad boy! Yes, you heard me! Whatever this abomination of a MacGuffin is, it requires (and presumably emits) electricity. Watch Audrey put this baby in an oversized battery port!

And we actually see that being confirmed in this screenshot. Those lights on the device indicate that it runs on some power and has limited usage. I guess we’ll have to charge it from time to time... I just hope it lasts longer than Glamrock Freddy... also it kinda looks like she made it herself, because it just looks like a pipe with a battery slapped on it ahaha

ALSO LOOK AT MY BOY CHARLIE!!! HE LOOKS SO COOL!

But we actually have something else appear before Audrey gets to show off her new toy!

BOOM! THIS GUY! 

He appeared in one of the trailers for a brief moment already. I assume he’ll be an annoying kind of enemy like the Butcher Gang. I have no idea what to call this son of a gun, so I’ll just refer to him as the Ink Brute if I’ll have to talk about him again. But honestly, he’s my son and I lowkey love him. Just look at him go! Even my boy’s better than the vacuum in a skin costume that calls itself Wilson.

But why would I talk about him separately? Because one of the thing that I love the most about this trailer is the unique designs of different new characters that we will be able to interact with! They are so cool! They are alive! They are PEOPLE!

LOOK AT THIS GUY! HE’S SO FUNKY! HE’S SO COOL! ROCKING HIS GOGGLES LIKE THERE’S NO TOMORROW (which is probably accurate, because time isn’t a concept the studio decided on following).

OR THIS MAPBOT FROM SECURITY BREACH  DOLL!

Both of them even have their own voices and here’s something the doll girl says

Doll: “Almost everyone here either can’t speak or they’re completely mad.”

Considering that there are differences when it comes to living cartoons, it kinda makes sense. Perfect cartoons, like Boris, cannot speak, for example. And Alice, who was proven to be an imperfect version of her cartoon self, is uh... unwell, to say the least. It doesn’t really apply to the Lost Ones, as well as this Doll. They do speak, but don’t appear to be irrational, at least from what I’ve seen. The only mad characters in the trailer are the Butcher Gang, who are rabid from the get-go, Alice, who’s literally portrayed with a legit GUN later in the video, and the illegitimate son of William Afton and Bill Cipher aka Wilson.

Talking about the characters we already know and love (not counting Wilson). Allison is here, looking SHARP!

There is a short dialogue going on between Audrey and Allison. I assume it’s the first time they meet.

Allison: “I’m not gonna hurt you. Looks like you need some help” 

Audrey: [pulls her hand away as soon as Allison touches it] “Don’t touch me!”

I wanted to add, that Audrey doesn’t say “Don’t touch me!” in a scared voice. More like warning Allison, that it’s not safe to touch her. Although maybe it’s just me looking too much into voice acting hahah. I guess Allison here helps Audrey to adapt around the studio. She takes her hand and points out that our girl needs help just by looking at it. Maybe she realised that Audrey is new to all of this. But she could also be pointing it out because of this distinctive feature of hers:

I’m actually surprised they didn’t really say anything about her arm and I didn’t even think about it until I watched the trailer again. I don’t really have anything else to say though. I hope Allison will answer this question, because it looks like she knows what that could mean. At least I hope she does, because if she doesn’t, we’ll have to interview the old melted wax figure that is Wilson. Or like... ask Alice, or smth. She did pick up a hobby of going through cartoons’ guts, she might know a thing or two- [gets shot with a tommy gun]

Well, anyway, let’s see, what else we have in that trailer. Except the canteen and some random rooms, we get a hallway!

What’s interesting is that it has an almost identical layout as the hallway I showed in the beginning, but it might just be me looking at the floor tiles and thinking I connected the dots, when in reality I didn’t connect shit. But it does work with that “Audrey’s tripping balls” theory I talked about earlier. Although I am leaning more towards the Security Breach comparison at the moment.

And then we have something interesting, which is just a shadow, but it belongs to my boy, my love, my beautiful bean, my favourite creature Nature created while she was drunk on bacon soup. THE INK DEMON!

There is a short dialogue between Allison and Audrey when he appears.

Allison: “Above everything else, stay away from the Ink Demon.” Audrey: “What’s an Ink Demon?” Allison: “He likes to smile. And he kills anything that moves.”

We already heard the last sentence in a different trailer out of context, but now we know that it’s Allison explaining Audrey who the Ink Demon is. Which makes me think that we won’t see our favourite boy for a while. At least not until Allison and Audrey meet.

Bendy also seems to be a little upgraded. His horns are bigger and the head isn’t as smooth and round. And if you look closely when the shadow rises, you can see that he has some kind of spikes on his back. He did have something similar in his old model, but it was more subtle, while the new model seems to be more detailed and “exaggerated”, so to say. Also it seems like he’s not a twink anymore - [gets shot again]

After that we get a better look at Audrey’s model and may I say, she looks pretty badass. Slay, queen! SLAY YOUR ENEMIES! SLAY THE DEMON!

I honestly really enjoy her design. And am... kind of confused why everything around her as well as she herself change their color. Guess it has something to do with the whole “Bendy’s Cartoon World” thing? I never really think about it usually, but the people in the studio don’t really... have that many normal human features. Like, their skin color is orange/brown-ish and all the clothes grey and black (maybe a little white here and there + golden stuff like Audrey’s eyes). It seemed like a design choice in the first game, but now that we were shown a different place that is more colourful and we know that Audrey’s skin and clothes don’t actually look like that in the beginning, it gets a little confusing.

I don’t really know what else to say. A part of me suggests that maybe it means that she’s dead, but that Joker with no make up on (Wilson) is also there and I’m pretty confident that he is alive. Plus, there’s no indication that it might be a purgatory of some sort or that there’s no way out. Even the description of the game that we get on the official Bendy Store website states, that our mission is to leave the studio. Although considering the ending of the first game, that wants us to think that Henry might be dead, it’s a question that will stay open for quite a while. As far as I’m concerned, we might never get a clear answer to what the hell this studio is. I know those Indi developers. They never give a clear answer to the biggest questions, especially BatIM.  So I guess we could theorise about it without ever being sure X). Let’s just move on, we could talk about it the whole day.

Btw, the sign behind Audrey says “Unsafe Area” and asks for the workers’ ID cards. 

There was another location that requires an ID card to enter with the subtitle “Be Drawn to Fear.”

I guess all the locations reserved for Gent workers may require an Identification to enter... LET’S STEAL WALLY’S ID!

//I wrote a shit ton of stuff here and it got deleted, so from now on it will be a little rushed, probably//

///It got deleted twice. I am suffering right now///

Welp, let’s talk more locations! Here we have a... uh... [looks through the notes] a city street. Yep. A city street.

At first I thought it was the Lost Ones harbour/town/haven/whatever. But look at it again and you realise that there’s no fucking way it could be that. I TOLD YOU THE DEFINITION OF THE WORD “STUDIO” IN THIS UNIVERSE IS THE MOST CONFUSING SHIT IN THE WORLD. This place has a grocery store, a pharmacy, a residential building EVEN A SUBWAY STATION. IT HAS A GODDAMN SUBWAY STATION????

This place makes my head hurt as much as Tumblr deleting half of this review every time I’m trying to save it as a draft. I have only one explanation that comes to mind and makes the most sense. The locations from the cartoons/comics become real, just like the characters. It’s the most realistic option in my opinion. We did see city backgrounds in comics and cartoons after all (reference Cheap Seats).

Otherwise it makes absolutely no sense and if I’m wrong here, I will lose all my marbles and I don’t have many left. This just adds like... 50 bucks to the “Put a dollar every time the JDS makes no sense” jar.

Let’s move on before I lose my mind. We do have another screenshot that seems to be taken in the same location, but I’ll leave it for later ;)

NOW WE HAVE THIS! 

IN THE VENTS! IN THE VENTS! WE WILL GO INTO THE VENTS ANd I am not going to make an Among Us joke.

NEXT!

OOH, SOME QUICK GRABBERS WE HAVE HERE! And it clearly belongs to our beloved Ink Demon - his left hand has four fingers and a glove.

Although it does seem like he went through much more changes than I thought. Because this looks much better than whatever the hell it used to be:

Fear the ones you bullied in middle school, so to say.

Although he does lack basic level of intelligence if he thinks that he can reach and grab Audrey through that little hole in the wall. Well, at least one thing they didn’t change about him X) /lh

And here’s something... big. I missed it the first time I watched it and I didn’t really look that deep into it. A table a with a writing on the wall behind it saying “She was the FOURTH”.

But then a friend pointed out that it might have something to do with a thing Meatly said once that left all fans go completely badonkers 2 years ago (yes, it’s been 2 years).

This CLEARLY means that Audrey (or some other female character who we haven’t seen before. Although I’m pretty sure it’s about Audrey) is supposed to represent the fourth member of The Butcher Gang. And this is a pretty huge deal. If it IS Audrey, it could explain why that wet old sock of a person aka Wilson wants to find Audrey so bad. Maybe he tried to turn her into that character, but she managed to escape before he could finish his work. And maybe it’s the reason why she has those unique powers that Allison seems to be familiar with - maybe, all cartoons have this feature?

But we still can’t really say who that character is. Clearly they came up with it pretty late. The comic book already came out when he said it and neither that nor the cartoons acknowledge this character or their existence. Which leads me to the only conclusion I’m able to make right now - that fourth member was a thing at FIRST, but then was scraped by the artists and never made it to the screens/in the comics. If I’m wrong again, I’ll just stick with the joke that Edgar’s toy duck is the fourth member and shut my mouth.

Let’s move on then, because I have nothing else to say about this and I’m very tired and have been writing this part for over 3 hours or something like that.

WHY NOT TALK ABOUT ANOTHER MUCH BETTER (sorry XD) FEMALE CHARACTER THAT IS MY BELOVED ALICE ANGEL?! Because guess what!

THEY GAVE HER A GUN! I REPEAT, THEY GAVE ALICE A FUCKING GUN! BENDY ROYALE IS REAL MWAHAHAHHAHAH

But for real now, this moment made my day when I first saw that XD.

Well, for the last, but not least (although pretty much the littlest)...

PERFECT BENDY IS HERE! HE’S CANON AND HE’S BABY! LOOK AT THIS PRECIOUS LITTLE BEAN!

Look at him in his little vest! What an adorable little gentleman!

This is that other screenshot from the city location I mentioned! Which means that Bendy might accompany us in some of the locations. Which I’m all for! IF I GET TO SEE THIS PRECIOUS LITTLE CREATURE MORE THAN ONCE, I WILL BE THE HAPPIEST FISH ALIVE!

Also it makes me think that the Perfect Bendy might actually be Henry. Now, this is a pretty popular theory and I actually agree with it in some parts. For example, that scene in Chapter 5, where Sammy attacks Henry, saying that he betrayed and abandoned him and that he trusted him, etc. He mistakes Henry for Bendy there and it would only make sense if he did so because Henry looks like his Lord. + Our man had ink splashed in his face on multiple occasions throughout the game, it should’ve affected him somehow. And lastly, every living cartoon was a normal person at first, and it doesn’t exclude Bendy over here. And who fits the role more than Henry? (Except maybe Joey, but I highly doubt it) Plus, he does look like he’s been in the studio for quite some time, because of his messy clothes and messed up face. And we all know by now that Henry went through a lot of loopty loops in this studio, he’s seen some shit.

Of course, I haven’t talked about a couple of other things (like that ball with someone’s name), but mainly because I honestly have nothing to say about that. There is so much in this new trailer and I am extremely happy.

November 15th. Less then two weeks left.

I know I said that I won’t be doing anything bendy related anymore. But I also said that this will be a case only if batdr doesn’t awaken anything in me and boy did it awaken a lot. I can’t wait to play this game and watch other people play and theorise about it. I also can’t wait for you guys to send me your comments, ideas and theories about this game and my review, so we can all talk about it a little more.

I do still think that the developers are assholes. They aren’t good people. But it doesn’t mean I won’t enjoy the everloving hell out of this game. Plus, I am the (self-proclaimed) Owner of Bendy and the Ink Machine ;).

In conclusion... I am happy. I truly am. And I can’t wait to see more when the game comes out.

With love,

FishyMom.

[heywardsarchive]

Not the Right Time

or, four times the timing wasn’t right and the one time it finally was

word count: 2.4k

pairing: pope heyward x fem! reader

warnings: none that i can think of

hii it’s been a long time lol:p

first piece of work in more than a year!! anyway hopefully i’m back into the swing of writing

special mention to @mvybanks who was one of the main reasons i got inspired to write again

1

you’d been in love with pope for as long as you can remember. you were a kook and he was a pogue but that didn’t bother you or your families. ever since you started frequenting his fathers shop when you were fifteen, the two of you were joined at the hip. pope introduced you to his friends and you became an honourary pogue.

falling in love with him was easy, he was everything you wanted in a boy. he was smart, kind, brave and put others before him. you looked at him like he hung the stars in the sky. it was a surprise he hadn’t noticed because everyone else had. maybe he had noticed, maybe he didn’t feel the same. you didn’t mind, just being in his presence and showering him with love, be it platonic or romantic was enough for you.

the pogues had dragged you to the kegger with them and you sat on a log with kie, nursing a glass of cheap beer in your hand, not really paying attention to the touron next to you who was talking about some horse riding course he did in maine. your eyes were focused on pope who was leaning against a tree chatting up some pretty brunette. you unconsciously let out a sigh which made kie turn to you. she followed your gaze and let out a sound of understanding.

“you should tell him.”

“maybe.” you hummed, still admiring pope from afar. he had a cap on backwards, his rope necklace around his throat and a few bracelets adorning his wrists, if you looked closely enough you could see the green threads of the bracelet you made for him peeking through.

tearing your eyes away from his figure, you stood up, holding your hand out to kie. she looked at you questioningly. “let’s dance.”

pope watched you out of the corner of his eye, the girl he was talking to had wandered off to get another drink. he felt a smile spread across his face as he watched you sway to the music with kie, a big smile on your face.

“he’s looking at you, you know” kie whispered to you, you glanced over your shoulder and your eyes met with popes who raised his glass to you as greeting, sending a smile his way you turned back to kie. “i think nows a good time to do it.” you nodded, but as you turned around to go to him, the brunette returned and pulled pope with her. your shoulders deflated and you shook your head. “it’s not a good time kie, besides i don’t think he likes me that way.” you gave her a watery smile and she wrapped you in a hug, whispering words of comfort into your ear.

2

it’s been years of pining in silence, you’re now 20. 5 years you’ve been in love with pope, waiting for the right time to tell him but it never felt right. you were tired of waiting for him, tired of watching him with other girls, girls who you could never be, ones who were so much better than you in every way.

so when a cute boy struck conversation with you at the grocery store on figure eight, you didn’t reject his advances. he was charming with striking green eyes and raven hair. his name was nathan, he’d recently moved to the outer banks from a small town in kansas.

nathan and you hit it off, you spent a small part of your day chatting with him or meeting him on dates. when he finally asked you to be his girlfriend you gladly accepted. he wasn’t pope but he was special and you could see yourself falling in love with him.

kie was happy for you when you told her the news, glad that you were finally moving on. pope on the other hand was a different story. at first he didn’t believe you then he got a bit upset but recovered quickly, telling you that he was happy for you and sending you a smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes.

after you left the wreck to meet nathan, kie leaned on the counter in front of pope. “so you wanna tell me what that was all about?” she raised her eyebrow as sign for pope not to lie.

he put his head in his hands and squeezed his eyes shut. “i just, i don’t know. hearing her talk about him that way makes my heart squeeze in my chest. i think i might be in love.”

“pope, i love you, you’re my best friend but y/n is like my sister and i have seen her spend way too many years being in love with you, so i implore you not to do anything that will break her heart. if you love her, then tell her, if you aren’t sure then please don’t say anything.”

pope nodded. “i wasn’t planning on telling her anything, not right now anyway. she’s happy and i don’t want to ruin it for her. it’s not a good time to say anything.”

3

another five years had passed, you were now 25. nathan and you were going strong. you loved him, he was everything you could want and more but he had only one flaw, he wasn’t pope. even after all these years you ached for him. seeing him smile made your heart flutter and your chest ache. it was wrong, you know it was but how can you fall out of love with someone who was such a big part of your life and interwoven into every intricate detail?

it shouldn’t have surprised you when nathan got down on one knee and proposed to you on a beautiful starry night, but it did. your hands flew to your mouth in gasp and tears collected in your eyes. you said yes but your heart wasn’t fully in it. you knew that you would be happy with nathan and would live a contented life, that was enough.

the news of your engagement spread quickly among your friends. sarah and kie called you up squealing loudly already making wedding plans for you and planning your bachelorette. you should have been beaming with joy and happiness but you wanted to cry.

you knew that pope had probably heard about the engagement but you wanted to tell him yourself. in a way it was to give yourself some closure about a love that should have died a long time ago, but still shined as bright as a candle in the dark.

you knocked on his door, after a moment, popes face came into view. registering that it was you, he stepped out and closed the door behind him. he stood with hands in his pockets, not quite meeting your eyes. “hey.”

you wrung your hands. “i take it that you’ve heard the news.”

“yeah, congratulations on your engagement. nathan is a lucky man.” there was an undertone of bitterness in his voice which you did not fail to notice.

“yeah…” you smiled half heartedly, looking at your shoes.

“why are you really here y/n? i know it’s not to tell me about your engagement.” pope’s tone had changed suddenly, your face shot up and you noticed he had stepped closer to you. any closer and your noses would touch.

“you know why.” feeling bold, you moved closer to him, your breaths now mixing.

“i need you to say it.” he gulped.

“no. you know how i feel. i need you to say it, or don’t say it. i need to know i’m making the right choice!” you cried out, feeling a lump form in your throat.

pope looked at your figure, your eyes were watering and you were biting your lip, a sign that you were trying not to cry. he reached out and wrapped you in his arms, running his fingers through your hair.

“you know i can’t do that, it’s not the time for all that, you’re getting married y/n, he’s a great guy and, and i’m really happy for you.” his voice cracked as he whispered the last sentence into your ears and you started to sob hearing his voice, your tears wetting his blue shirt. you fingers curled around the fabric and you stayed in his embrace for a few minutes, possibly for the last time.

you pulled away from him and turned around, your gaze fixed on the ground. “goodbye pope.” and headed toward your car, leaving the man you loved in the front yard of his house.

4

months had passed since that day in popes yard, it was the day before your wedding. sarah and kie were were the best bridesmaid and maid of honour you could ask for and had pampered you brilliantly. nathan was so loving and you felt guilty for being so willing to leave him all those months ago.

it was dark outside and you sat on your bed, checking that all your jewellery and makeup was in its place for the big day tomorrow. you heard a knock on your room door. “come in!”

you didn’t look up thinking that it was your mother or sister.

“hey.” a male voice called, popes voice. your head shot up at the sound. “what are you doing here?” you inquired, closing the room door behind him.

he had his hands in his pockets and kept his gaze fixed on the ground. “i’ve come here to tell you not to marry him.”

“what?” you almost screamed incredulously.

he cringed and the sound and nodded. “yeah, i’m sorry for doing this to you but you cannot marry him. not when i love you more than anything and i know that you love me too.”

you were fuming with anger. how could he do this to you after everything?

“no. no you do not get to come here and say that you love me the day before my wedding. not when you know i’ve loved you since we were kids!”

popes mouth opened like he wanted to say something. you didn’t let him.

“no you don’t get to talk! how could you do this to me? you say you love me but you waited till the day before i married someone else, someone who is so good to me, who loves and cherishes me? this is not the time for such confessions pope! i want you to leave. don’t come for the wedding, please.” your eyes were red and watery, pointing at the door for him to leave.

he obliged but just before he shut the door he said, “you never said you loved him. only that he loved you.”

you collapsed on your bed and stared at the ceiling. why did everything have to be so complicated?

+1

you barely slept all night, tossing and turning. popes words played in your mind all night. “you never said you loved him. only that he loved you.”

when day finally broke and the light streamed into your room through the gap in the curtains, you sat up in your bed and put your head in you hands, gripping your hair tightly.

so caught up in your own head, you didn’t even hear the door open and your mother enter the room. “good morning honey.” she say down beside you. you looked at her, you were sure you looked like a sight. dark eye bags and you hair a mess from pulling at it so much. “hi.” you muttered.

“what’s wrong?” she asked you, placing a comforting hand on your shoulder.

“just have a lot on my mind.” you tried to muster a fake smile, but failed.

“is it perhaps something to do with pope?” she raised an eyebrow. your mouth opened and closed like a fish, trying to find the right words. “how did you know?”

she smiled, “i’m your mother, i know you. and besides, i saw him leave the house yesterday looking pretty devastated. now tell me, what’s wrong?”

there was no point in lying so you told her everything. how he told you not to marry nathan, that he loves you and how you didn’t know what to do. you were sobbing again by the end.

your mother wrapped her arms around you. “do what your heart tells you. don’t worry about what the others will say, i’ll deal with them. listen to yourself. this is your whole life ahead of you, don’t throw away what you’ve always wanted because you’re afraid of the consequences. no matter what happens, i’m here for you, your father and your sister will support you no matter what, okay? now come down for breakfast and actually think about what you want. you still have time.” she patted your back and left the room, leaving you alone with your thoughts once again.

you freshened up, ate breakfast and were back in your room once again, getting dressed for your big day.

you put on the white gown and looked at yourself in the mirror. it was beautiful but it didn’t feel right. you looked around your childhood bedroom and your eyes fell on the pictures pinned on the bedpost. the photo of you, john b and jj lying on top of eachother on the sand, the picture of you sarah and kiara pouting at the camera and finally the picture of you squishing popes cheeks while he grinned.

you traced your fingers on the last picture.

it was clear now, you knew what you had to do.

****

pope was sitting sadly on his couch, beating himself up for letting you slip through his fingers when he heard a knock on the door.

he lazily got up and opened the door, but when he saw who was on the other side, he thought he was dreaming. you stood there, in your white gown and veil smiling at him.

you looked so beautiful in your wedding gown, he forgot how to speak. “what are you doing here?” he asked, voice breaking as he soaked in your figure.

you walked closer to him and wrapped your arms around his neck, pressing a kiss to his lips, one that you had longed for since you were a teenager, he was shocked but recovered quickly, kissing you back.

“i didnt do it, i didnt marry him.” you smiled at him, arms still wrapped around his neck. “what?”

“i couldnt do it. it wasn’t fair to him, nor to me. i told him that i was sorry and that i was in love with someone else. he wasn’t very happy about that of course, but he understood.”

“so what does that mean for us?” pope inquired.

“i means that it’s finally the right time to tell you that i love you” you pressed a kiss to his lips, holding him close.

[paceypeternathanslawyer]

The Scott Family Essay

I’m feeling so emo about the family of Nathan, Haley, Jamie, and Lydia in One Tree Hill. I’ve never seen a family like them on TV before. I feel like you have three major kinds of families on TV.

1. You have the old model like in “I Love Lucy” for instance where they may make a big deal of the pregnancy and birth but once the child is born writers feel like the interest over a baby is going to fade so they just kinda hide the child. The baby sleeps about 12 hours a day and then spends the rest of the day in daycare. Something like that either way, the child is rarely seen again. 

2. You have shows like “Full House” and “Family Matters” where because they are sooo family driven, they do focus a lot on the children and their relationship with their parents.

3. You have a “Friends” kind of situation which is about 3 steps away from the I Love Lucy model. In the following years writers realized they couldn’t metaphorically bury the child so they trot them on set about a couple times an episode. Maybe have them say a couple precocious quips but then they trot them off set because they still want the focus to be on the adult and their adult relationships. As a result, those relationships don’t feel very genuine. You know on an intellectual level that the parents love their children but you don’t see that love in action. 

With “One Tree Hill”, I discovered a new model of TV families. First off, they made a couple really good decisions right off the bat. The baby was born at the end of season 4 and then they made a good decision to have a four year time jump before season 5 so when they come back, Little Jamie is no longer a baby but a precocious four year old. The second good decision was hiring Jackson Brundage who was a very talented child actor who could carry dramatic scenes pretty well and also was super hilarious and precocious in his line delivery. 

They then made a few interesting story choices. Firstly, they decided to make him the focus of quite a few big heady dramatic plotlines. Like when Nathan and Haley are having marital problems and he’s very much in the middle of that. Or the time when he was kidnapped and then saved by Grandpa Dan or nearly drowned and then saved by Nathan. So not only would they trot him out for the precocious comic relief, they would also focus some dramatic plotlines on him. All the while, the show was still about 90% about the adults and their adult relationships. 

They did a third thing which was just adding little filler scenes that weren’t particularly dramatic or precocious... just little small domestic moments of Haley having a heart to heart with Jamie while at a park or Nathan taking Jamie to his workplace when he’s coaching the Ravens. You really get the sense that Nathan and Haley love Jamie and want to be present in his life. And the scenes when he’s not with his parents he’s being nannied by his uncle or his grandmother or grandfather. The child never goes to Daycare. He’s pretty privileged to have family who is able to care for him all the time. But on a story level that makes him feel more present in the story cause the people caring for him are the same ones who are in the A plot or the B plot of the episode.

The fourth thing is that James and Joy are so good at bringing little physical intimacies to their relationships on screen. You see the little intimacies with each other like all the numerous kisses Nathan plants on Haley’s forehead or in a scene when they’ll just be talking and Nathan will be playing with her hair. Or how Haley loves to just randomly pull on Nathan’s tie when he’s wearing one. And there are so many others. These little intimacies that are more than likely unscripted really make the relationship real and intimate and it’s not something that every actor does. I feel like it takes a really trusting work relationship to do that so comfortably. To feel safe to go beyond what the script says in a romantic context. But you also see that in the non romantic, in the platonic or familial relationships that James and Joy depict on screen. They add those little things with Jamie. James will kiss the top of Jamie’s head. There’s one scene in season 5 where Haley and Jamie are having a heart to heart in the park and she does this little thing that is hard to fully explain so i’ll also show a couple screenshots...

They are laying head to head and Haley reaches back and starts playing with his hair. It’s these little gestures and domestic moments that make them feel like a real family, like a real mother and son, or father and son. It makes it feel so real and genuine and makes you believe that they love each other and they love their children. This essay has focused a lot on Jamie but the relationship between Lydia is also sweet, once she’s born. It’s a bit different because she’s just a little newborn baby but they still made that relationship feel sweet, real, and genuine. 

All this is why the Scott Family is the greatest family that has ever been on television as far as i’m concerned! 💗

[laurenairay]

Nathan MacKinnon love language pretties of pleases 💘

I love a love language analysis and I have many thoughts on Nate Mac - thank you for sending this in, anon, to finish up this round of headcanon prompts!

Nathan MacKinnon is a self-described non-romantic, we all know that. However, that doesn't mean that he doesn't try, and it certainly doesn't mean he doesn't have certain ways of expressing himself to those he holds affection for. As such, I believe his love language would be...acts of service.

Why acts of service you ask? Well first of all, maybe he's not great with his words so for Nate, actions speak louder than words, right? It's his way of communicating without having to say things that don't come so naturally to him.

Maybe he's seen it between his parents growing up - the thoughtful acts to make someone's life easier that his dad did for his mom (like defrosting her car windscreen before she went to work in the winter) or that his mom did for his dad (setting the timer so he always had coffee ready in the morning), and it's the thing that makes most sent to him in his head.

At least now that he's found his person and wants them to be in his life for the long-term.

He knows that going over the top with grand gestures isn't the way to go - he's been burned by that in the past, I can see it - but it's more about thoughtful gestures for loved ones that show him that his place in their life is important, that he can make them smile just with one little selfless thing.

Nate is a planner, has a phenomenal hockey mind, so it would be second nature to him to start forming a game plan the longer he's in a relationship. Everything from ordering meals/stocking up on his partner's favourite foods, taking on extra chores that they dislike (such as cleaning the gutters or mowing the lawn), drawing a bath for them after a long day (which he often joins in with himself because hello naked in water), and picking up their favourite wine and flowers just because.

"And you say you're not a romantic." "I don't...I..." "It's okay, I love the flowers. Thank you sweetheart" - cue blushing but a pleased smile.

Nate may be understated but he definitely has more romance in him than he knows, and when he's found the one? He finally becomes comfortable enough to express his affection fully. And it's truly wonderful.