#at least my internet addiction to Tumblr is by choice.

[hotdamnmadison]

See Ya Later Tumblr!

I know what some of you might say.

“Madi, You just got back!”

I hear you.

But I need (at least) another hiatus/break. This blog really isn’t dripping in thousands of followers - but the select few that do follow me pretty regularly deserve an explanation.

For starters I'm pretty sure I'm an alcoholic. Tough to even type something like that let alone saying it out loud. I depend on alcohol way too much and it is certainly a crutch for me.

I'm also (more than likely) addicted to doom scrolling, internet interactions/gratification, and porn. Probably all of the above.

We walk a fine line when it comes to sex based blogging - finding that happy medium of being a self caring, responsible adult in the "real world" vs. worry free dumb bimbo goon tumblr girl with zero responsibilities has proven to be quite difficult. I can't seem to effectively balance the two.

And as you've know (we've done this before) when I can't balance my two lives I have no choice but to put the Tumblr away.

I almost deleted this blog last night - but I knew I would never forgive myself. So it will sit here dormant until I can juggle it all again.

You might see me like a post or throw up a reblog. But it is probably just a quick app download to check my notifications and I won't be on very long.

I'm planning to stay active today if anyone wants to say anything 12/15/23.

My last day on Tumblr, and hopefully my last day for a lot of things (booze, porn, etc.)

Love ya guys. Take care of yourselves.

[ninarobinson-author]

Is the rat the bat? The Batman Riddle Answered

“A rat with wings” sounds a lot like a bat to me. “Something in the way” or in this case is it more like “Something in the Wayne.” Is the choice of song telling us that the Wayne’s are in the way of truly cleaning up the city of Gotham?

Listen to article audio or continue to read below. https://on.soundcloud.com/aJaGf4f4AWxWAMtBA

The Batman is a detective noir and viewers follow the Batman as he attempts to solve the Riddler’s clues and uncover the true meaning of his Riddle. The only problem is Batman is an unreliable narrator. We only see the events in the movie from Batman’s point of view. This can lead to us being just as blind as he is when trying to understand the purpose of the Riddler’s actions and makes it impossible to see Batman’s actions objectively.

Batman could not solve the true Riddle: The rat is the bat! Maybe because he doesn’t want to solve Gotham’s issues! In the movie he is led on a wild goose chase to the next location of where the Riddler will be torturing the next corrupt city official. Wayne has Alfred giving him theories and is misled into a bad interpretation of Spanish that even a second grader would not make. In the movie the riddles only lead him to each "crime” scene. The riddles have already been answered, the Riddler is after the politicians and police who were complicit in crimes aiding Carmine Falcone. In this article, I will disclose the truth of the Riddler’s broader message.

On the surface, it is obvious that Gotham is a dangerous and dirty city. It’s not just the streets nor the drug addicts. Oh no, the dirt and grime go so much deeper than that. The city is so drenched in crime and corruption that it’s not only reached the depths of the mafia underworld but it’s also reached the heights of high society; including the honorable Wayne family and the supposed heroes, the police and the politicians.

The Riddler looks up to Batman as an example of someone who is willing to stand up and do something to improve the city of Gotham. The promises of “renewal” have been thrown around for the past twenty years by politicians looking to get reelected, in truth the renewal fund was drained the day it was donated by the Wayne foundation. The Riddler leads Batman to the truth so the citizens can see what kind of people are actually in control of the city. Members of the police and the politicians attacked the one billion dollar renewal fund like vultures until nothing was left for the people it was originally supposed to help. Perhaps the phrases: misappropriated funds, mismanagement, or embezzlement ring any bells? The mayor pretends to have the city’s best interests at heart, the Riddler seeks to expose the city’s trusted officials true colors to everyone. The citizens have already had their cities’ prosperity stolen from them, don’t they at least deserve the truth?

Edward Nashton has all the necessary experience and raw talent to solve the mystery behind the city’s inexplicable poverty and flourishing criminal activity. The experience of growing up as an orphan gave Edward boots on the ground experience of what life is really like in Gotham for the commoners. Something the grossly wealthy elite such as the Wayne’s could not even begin to grasp. While the politicians only pretend to empathize with its citizen’s woes. This is why the Riddler has loyal followers on the internet.

I have conducted a Cole Sprouse-esque social experimental on Tumblr in the form of a poll. I wanted to see who the people would vote for, the Batman or the Riddler. To my suprise Riddler won there as well. The evidence may be from a small pool but i still think it holds up.

The people have spoken and they relate to the Riddler because he understands the real struggles people are faced with in Gotham. If the elections weren’t just a dog and pony show by the elite, then Edward Nashton would be voted mayor of Gotham.

“Since your justice is so select, please tell us, which vermin you’re paid to protect?” -The Riddler.

Being an accountant gave him the tools to analyze the city’s budget and dissect the actual usage of that money down to the last cent. As it turns out, the city officials are either asleep at the wheel or are fully aware of the harm they are inflicting.

“Tomorrow’s Election Day, and Bella Reál’s gonna win. She’s promised "real change”. But we know the truth, don’t we? You’ve seen Gotham’s true face now. Together, we’ve unmasked it. Its corruption, its perversion, masquerading under the guise of renewal. But unmasking is not enough. The day of judgment is finally upon us. And now it is time for retribution.“ -The Riddler.

Since the city officials have long since turned against its citizens for profit, then it was time the Riddler redirect that violence straight to the culprits themselves, powerful old money wealth such as the Waynes, the police, the politicians, everyone involved in sucking the life out of Gotham like parasites.

It is interesting that Batman was more interested in stopping petty crimes such as thugs and dropheads of the streets, than taking down mob bosses like Salvatore Maroni or Carmine Falcone. If Batman did investigations into Falcone he would have found that Falcone has been running the city for the past twenty years and he might as well be the mayor of Gotham. How can such an obvious fact be hidden from Batman? He has more than enough time, money, resources and willpower to discover the true criminals in Gotham and stop the majority of its crime.

Who is Batman really? Who acts like a double agent, wearing one disguise of Bruce Wayne and another disguise of vigilante Batman? Carefully walking the tightrope between the law and criminality. Who is making under the table deals with the mob and the police? Batman is the rat. He takes information from the mob and rats them out to the police. He uses information from the police to aid his personal vendettas. Batman doesn’t listen to the police, he makes his own rules. Batman is the very definition of a rat. A rat is a dirty beast with the wings of an angel. Batman suits this analogy well. He is something monstrous wearing the mask or in this case the wings of an angel. Batman is not the good guy, like the Penguin, he is a proprietor. Batman is doing business like anyone else. He is not doing some random acts of kindness. Batman is a sole proprietor, he works by himself for himself. He interacts with others for help but ultimately he works for his own agenda.

The Riddler knew Bruce Wayne was the problem. What he didn’t know was that Batman and Bruce Wayne are the same person. If the Riddler knew that fact he would not respect or admire Batman at all. Bruce Wayne has the influence needed to impact those in power and more than enough money to help the city of Gotham.

The late Thomas Wayne attempted to use his spare change of ONE BILLION DOLLARS to aid the city, but to no avail. In the end, the family image was placed above charity. Thomas Wayne chose to do business with criminals.

https://youtu.be/gRjG7pp-sAc

“Giving back is not just an obligation, it’s a passion.” -Thomas Wayne in his mayoral campaign.

Unlike his father, Bruce Wayne doesn’t seem to be doing any philanthropy with his inherited Wayne fortune. Does this mean that there is something or someone stopping him from doing so? Bruce Wayne has no intention to truly solve the problem with Gotham but would rather treat the symptoms of the cause but not solve the real issue. The Riddler is not offering any answers but only leading people to the truth. Could Batman be hiding the truth that he is the problem with Gotham, or at least a big part of it? The problem with Gotham can be narrowed down to a few big factors; corruption of public officials, underworld crime, and extreme wealth imbalance. The Wayne’s have a finger in all three of these contributing factors.

Both Batman and the Riddler want to help the city of Gotham but who is more unbiased in their position? Edward Nashton has nothing to gain and nothing to protect. Bruce Wayne has his family name to protect, which offers him a special place at the top of high society and he has his cushy wealth that keeps him more than comfortable. Despite what he may say, he has the power to use his powers as a Wayne and the Batman to ensure the city stays the way that it is, so that he can continue to benefit from a life that is built on the misery and ignorance of the poor people of Gotham.

Batman chooses to use violence to beat up petty criminals. The same criminals who his Wayne family wealth subjugates.

The Riddler is inspired by Batman to use violence to punish the white collar criminals that no one else can, due to their untouchable elite status.

The Riddler makes a bigger difference than Batman because he is directly targeting the criminals who are making life a living hell for everyone in Gotham, including the criminals Batman is beating up on. The Riddler knows that the petty criminals of Gotham are just a symptom of the whales with all the power, money and prestige. The elite think that they won’t be held accountable because they are upheld highly in the media. The elite own the media and can get the public to believe any story they want. The Riddler uses the same media that the elite weaponized, to expose them for who they really are by unmasking the slimy public officials. The people of Gotham have been brainwashed into a stockholm syndrome scenario where they worship and vote for the people that couldn’t care any less about them. Batman works with the corrupt police to protect his own interest. Everyone in Gotham with power or money has a grubby hand reaching out for their slice of the pie. The public is entirely ignorant of this hidden business world that lies behind the veil of politics and public displays of false philanthropy.

The Riddler is the hero of the people while Batman is the protector of the elite.

Edward Nashton is a lower class commoner who fights for the basic human rights of the common people. Human rights such as clean food and water, a warm roof over the heads of babies, and living quarters for orphan’s without the presence of vermin.

Bruce Wayne is an upper class elite who protects the business interests of the elite. Business interests such as mayoral campaigns, police interests, and any threats to the well being of corrupt politicians.

This is a villain’s view of "The Batman” 2022 movie. Do you have a film theory of “The Batman?” You can submit your theories on the Villainism Tumblr page.

Article written by Nina Robinson, author of novel “Villainism”, via villainism.com

[rosysugarr]

its so interesting what u can gather abt someone from their blog like every time i see a post of yours on the dash it's like another little puzzle piece in the Who Tf Is Rosy picture. oh, you're in your thirties and you stay with your family and you stream and you wish you would go outside more. you wish you had more people in your social circle because you dont want to be alone anymore and all your friends live at least hours away. you have a vape addiction and you tried to go to college time after time and it didnt work so now you just sit at home and stream and interact in fandom spaces because you don't have a lot else. shitty home life when you were younger. too much internet drama in the past which is why you stick mostly to tumblr and twitch now. it's okay. you're just another person on my dash and i think that's really cool. keep doin what ur doin.

I. I'm not actually sure how I feel about this message. I mean. It sounds positive! And it's interesting to see someone like. put together so much about me just from glimpses on my blog. It's actually super flattering to the part of me that desperately needs attention to know that someone out there actually like. retains this info I drop about me on here.

I will say, you're missing one piece! I sit at home and stream and stuff not bc my life is a damned trainwreck, BUT because I had to quit my job I'd held for a couple of years because the pandemic was incredibly bad in my area, and I lived with older family and wasn't allowed to wear a mask to work. The only reason I still don't have another job is because I still... live with older family and covid is STILL super fucking bad down here and no one is wearing their masks, and the only jobs I could get around here would be like. cashier or waiter or something, something I would be forced to have contact with a ton of people and then come home to my family and risk exposing someone in incredibly poor health and advanced age to covid. I don't really have much of a choice-- it's either unemployment or risking bringing covid home to someone it would absolutely kill.

I mean I don't owe anybody my personal info but I feel like that is an important thing to note. mostly because I promise I'm not as pathetic as I seem lmfao I HAVE had jobs in the very recent past, but. yknow. covid ruined everything.

[bivwifeybunny]

Romanticism

this is a writing I did 2 months ago and I feel confident enough to post it now. be warned this is a rant and not a fanfiction in any way shape or form. so please proceed with caution.

also note my blog is a safe space and any hate will not be tolerated. my asks and dms are always open if you ever need to rant about things as well. please stay safe and once again, please read all tags and warnings before proceeding with caution

tw: feelings of loneliness, fear of being forgotten, delusions, very unhealthy parasocial relations, bad relationships, unhealthy consummation of media, mentions of harsh self-criticism & self doubt, all of this is all very self-destructive behavior

Loneliness is crushing. It’s all enveloping, disguising itself as a warm hug. Warm hugs leave you feeling happy and well… warm. Loneliness leaves you feeling cold and hollow.

You don’t notice it at first. It’s never the first thing in your mind. But as you get older it changes. You tell yourself it’s fine. You have friends. You’re content with what you have. But as people pass you by you can’t help but feel left alone in the dust. Forgotten.

That’s such an awful word. But I guess it’s accurate. Because when I look deeper into it, it’s not so much the loneliness as it is being forgotten. Unloved.

When fear of being forgotten and loneliness creeps closer, you can’t help but ask yourself if something’s wrong with you. When you ask someone else their answers are always the same.

You’re lucky you haven’t dated yet.

You should wait till you’re older.

It’ll happen eventually.

You don’t need a relationship.

You’ll find someone.

But as the days pass on you can’t help but wonder if that really is the case. Will you find someone? It certainly doesn’t feel like it. As the days turn to weeks, weeks to months, months to years, it honestly feels like it’ll never happen.

You feel unlovable. Especially when you try. When you decide to put yourself out there, take a shot at someone. Only to be rejected.

From my experience there was always someone else. Always someone else that caught their eye. I’ve seen a lot. There’s always a girlfriend or somebody they had a crush on. And there were always the ones who took pity on you. The ones who realized your romantic feelings and decided to humor you.

“Those were the worst 5 minutes of my life.”

He agreed out of pity and couldn’t stand it for any longer than 5 minutes. Not only did he end it so soon, but he verbalized his distaste behind my back. I only found out because his best friend, the one he had told, decided to let me know.

There was the boy who was forced into a “relationship” with me. By my own friends. I know they meant well. They knew of my crush and were only trying to help me out but in doing so led to my ultimate heartbreak when humoring the quiet girl became too much.

And last but certainly not least, was the drummer boy. Living up to the cliche, just not with me. It was certainly a roller coaster. But in the end I couldn’t blame him. I couldn’t. But it always left me thinking it had to be me.

I’m the only constant factor in all of these scenarios. It doesn’t help that I fall hard and fast. Though that aspect has only worsened over time.

It led to this downward spiral of fantasizing romantically about just about anyone on the internet. Real or Fictional. I invested all my time and effort into these fucked up “relationships”. If you could even call them that. I developed an unhealthy obsession with these people. I always brushed it off.

Everyone does it nowadays. I just think they’re hot.

That’s what I told myself to make me feel better. Which in hindsight was not the best choice as it only justified my own actions to myself. This started these self-destructive cycles. Obsess and hyperfixate on these people and characters, “justify” my actions and continue to revolve my entire life around them.

It got bad enough to the point where I’d call it an addiction.

I couldn’t stop.

Constantly turning to places like Tumblr and Ao3 just to fuel my desires and I couldn’t seem to go a day without doing so.

Quarantine in particular really put the nail in the coffin so to speak. I was without my friends and had no way of contacting them. This time the loneliness settled in quicker. This time it didn’t leave.

I spent hours upon hours getting lost in the pages upon pages of fanfiction.

Neglecting my family. My schoolwork. Everything.

And the worst part is it didn’t make me feel better. In fact it did the opposite.

Sure at the time I was reading it, it felt great. I got to escape reality for a while. But afterwards I only felt more anxious and guilty. A heavy weight only sinking further and further into my skin the more I indulged. I couldn’t stop still. It was like a high, a euphoria that I gained. But each word only served to further the guilt and anxiety rooting itself deep within me.

Neglecting my family and schoolwork piled on quickly. I was slipping and I knew it, but it was like I wasn’t in control of my life anymore. I slipped further and further down this path and there was no way I could stop it. If anything, it only increased.

Rushed deadlines, missing out.

It didn’t matter.

It didn’t matter because for a short while the loneliness would subside. The all encapsulating grip of self-doubt loosened.

But it always returned. And returned stronger. To the point where friends weren’t enough anymore. They were barely enough before, but now these feelings only amplified after my time with them. I would leave them with a heavy heart and hollow feeling.

That numb feeling. That was what kept me going back. Searching for a way to feel anything anymore.

I created toxic parasocial relationships. Delusions that made the loneliness go away. It had no place if these delusions were believed to be reality, right? All I needed to do was believe.

And believe I did.

It only spiraled downwards when I discovered streamers.

This took my ideas of parasocial relationships to a new level. They were real people. They could talk and interact with their fans. There was something much more personal than fictitious characters and much more realistic and attainable than celebrities. They participated in fan service for their own personal gain.

It was everything I could ever want. And everything I didn’t need.

Before I knew it things had spiraled so far out of my control, that I couldn’t escape it. They actively put out new content which I consumed at a rapid pace. But every once in a while, when I was back in control. When I could sit back and take a look at the damage, I was left feeling different.

It wasn’t loneliness anymore, not entirely. A new feeling emerged once I stumbled out of my month-long delusions.

Self-doubt and self-critiquing.

Coming out of these delusions didn’t mean I suddenly stopped feeling romantic feelings towards these people, it only meant I was now aware about my fate.

I had no chance with them.

I never did and never will.

There was always still that voice in the back of my head. And even as I’m typing this I hear it.

The voice that says:

You can still have them.

Tempting me back in my delusions. I deny the voice.

I deny, deny, deny until I can no longer bear my own reality and allow myself to slip back into the delusion. To go back to my fantasy world.

During the buildup however, another thing chips away at the thin armor I’ve covered myself in. Along with the thoughts of never being able to be with these people, there’s also the nitpicking. Assuming the type of girl a certain streamer would want to be with and comparing myself.

That step in the process is exactly what spurred me to write this. Just hours ago I was scrutinizing myself in comparison to other women on the internet, inevitably snowballing the smallest imperfections to full on hatred for myself.

Facing the reality of the situation, criticizing myself, denying myself the ability to divulge in the delusion for as long as possible sent me right back into them. The dam finally breaks and I give in. I go back to my world of delusions and fantasy and repeat the cycle again and again and again.

Loneliness. Self-doubt. Self-critiquing. Fear of being forgotten. Fear of being unlovable.

Unlovable.

At this point in time I believe that to be true about myself.

I know people say it’s not true, and that I’m just being dramatic and impatient.

And maybe I am.

But all I know is that this empty feeling, this idea of being unworthy of love is what I feel. And I might not ever escape this cycle I’ve started.

[nyaorin]

if you're the kind of person who gets exposed to a lot of discourse online, or if you're extremely attached to a community to the point you're neglecting real life or experiencing things like dissociation and suicidal thoughts fueled by your relationships online, please try taking at least a few months off of social media.

back when i was 14, i was super invested in tumblr discourse, to the point that i unknowingly made my mental health so bad that it was life-threatening. out of practically nowhere, i decided to stop using social media completely, and kept that up for a few years. i felt like shit at first for ignoring everything going on, but i pretty quickly realized it was the right choice to make.

i owe my life to that split-second decision, and i genuinely cannot stress this enough when i say that being too obsessed with stuff on the internet almost made me kill myself, and i hate to see that happen to people now that i'm back.

internet and social media addiction are often overlooked or ridiculed, but it genuinely is something that can end up being deadly, and you never notice it yourself until you actually get out of it. please stay safe

[momentsofamberclarity]

I specifically called it substance abuse not because of the fact he smokes weed

The person this is about has used money meant for commissions to buy drugs and has allegedly given them to minors. I don’t care if you smoke weed, he does so to an excessive point

furthermore the FB post wasn’t some petty callout but a beware post because this is continuous behavior since at least 2020, he has been racist, transphobic, has sexted minors, has groomed them into starting a relationship with him and this has absolutely nothing to do with him being an anti, but that he’s a predator who uses anti circles and furry communities to prey on minors

I'm not defending this person's behavior. I'm telling you that addictive behavior is not a crime. What the money is being spent on should not be factoring into this equation. The point is that he is stealing it. If you genuinely cared about the people who are having their money stolen you'd only be stating that he is a scammer and warning people to be wary of suspicion claims for need of money or suspicious art commissions.

But you only care because he is spending that stolen money on addictive substances. You only changed your phrasing when I didn't share your post the way that you wanted me to with your vague view points because it looks better if everyone just agrees that drug usage = bad. And I'm sorry, but I do not agree with that sentiment. His drug usage is none of your business because he is an adult.

None of my argument has anything to do with me defending him as a person, or dismissing the claims of those minors who were taken advantage of or the people who had to call the police to get their animals and belongings back from him. I am defending addiction. Because if you blacklist one addict for making shitty choices with their drug usage, you may as well claim the whole community of addicts are shitty people just for having that one single trait of addiction in common with him.

Block him, tell your circle of friends to block him. But telling other strangers on the internet like myself to post callouts will get you absolutely nowhere.

If this person you're talking about is anything like the person from the tumblr rpc that harasses me on main which has been on-going since 2018, and it sounds like he is, then there is no stopping someone who has zero regret harming others no matter how many callouts you make or how much proof of behavior you post, or how many times you block or report them, or even if you call the cops for cyber crimes. He's going to keep crying that he's the victim, and he will always have people who don't know the whole situation being manipulated by him and ready to defend him. And in doing so, the behavior cycle will continue. The more you call him out, the more it feeds into his victim complex of making it all about him.

The best thing you can do to with people like this is give them no attention at all. You also need to understand that you cannot be responsible for the safety of the entire internet; you have to be responsible for yourself and let other people be responsible for themselves as well.

[fanartfunart]

Instagram is a terribly incessant website.

[elliaze]

She's on my mind

A/N: Moon Knight has become my new favourite superhero so I need to write something with him. My knowledge of DID is only based on what I found on the internet and here on tumblr, so I apologize in advance if I have presented something wrong. Honestly, I am not quite sure what it is, but that last scene from the second episode made me think and then I found the song She’s on my mind from JP Cooper, so I let my imagination run wild. English is my second language so sorry for any mistakes.

Pairings: Marc Spector x fem!reader, with mention of Steven Grant x fem!reader, Marc and Layla are divorced

Warnings: angst, drinking alcohol, few swears, probably they are OOC

Summary: Marc can’t fall asleep without Y/N by his side.

Word Count: 1600+

PART TWO

MASTERLIST

Marc knew he fucked up at the moment when Y/N left the flat, slamming the door. It wasn't supposed to end this way, but it was too late. And while he knew that everything that had happened was solely his fault, he couldn't forget the pain written all over her face. He knew that there was almost a slim chance that Y/N would forgive him. However, despite everything, he had no regrets. He was protecting her and that was all that mattered.

It didn't change the fact that he couldn't stop thinking about her.

She's on my mind, she's on my mind

She's on my mind, she's on my mind

I can't sleep at night

'Cause she ain't by my side

It all started really simple. Y/N worked as a waitress in the café where he always bought his coffee. He practically never paid any attention to her until, one day, she spoke to him. He remembered it exactly, because it was the day of his divorce with Layla. Marc didn't think that several years together could be ended with one signature. And even though he knew that he was doing the right thing, because his marriage had been dead for a long time, he still felt down in some way. Whatever happened, he cared about Layla and wanted the best for her. However, he did not think anyone would notice that something was bothering him. Least of all a stranger waitress. But the moment Y/N asked him a simple 'are you okay' while smiling the most beautiful smile he had ever seen before, Marc felt his heart stop for a second and then start beating unimaginably fast. And he fell in love with her, though he tried to push it away for as long as he could.

I've seen a lot of pretty faces

Ain't nobody like you

And I've never had a love like

The one we knew

Tell me why I had to play the clown

Always messing around

Can't stop thinking how I let you down, down, down

But in the end, they ended up together anyway. Marc did not fully understand it, but he had the feeling that for the first time in his life he felt really happy. What he felt for Y/N was definitely different from what he felt for Layla. He was far from believing those love phrases that spoke of 'the one and only person for life'. But with Y/N, he began to seriously wonder if everything that had happened in his life didn't come down to the fact that he was meant to meet her. Marc didn't know at what point he needed Y/N's presence as much as he needed air. She was like the best drug for him, one he was happy to become addicted to. They were far from a perfect relationship, and arguments were not surprising. However, they always managed to get along in some way, even if sometimes Steven had to interfere. Marc loved her and that was certain. But if he had to choose between their happiness together and her safety, he didn't have to think about it twice, The choice was obvious, even if hurtful.

She's on my mind, she's on my mind

She's on my mind, she's on my mind

I can't sleep at night

'Cause she ain't by my side

Marc couldn't sleep because every time he closed his eyes he saw Y/N's face, her sparkling eyes and lips that formed a smile reserved only for him. He was able to recreate her entire silhouette exactly and for a brief moment live in the illusion that she was still by his side. That in the middle of the night he wasn't lying alone in bed at all, but just waiting for Y/N to lie down next to him. A beautiful lie that he was almost able to believe. He missed her far more than he could have suspected. He remembered exactly the smell of her shampoo, or the feeling when her hair gently tickled his neck as she leaned over him. And most importantly, the sweet and addictive taste of her lips that he loved to kiss.

He twisted the Rubik's cube a few times and then threw it upwards. When the cube landed back in his hands, he looked at it for a moment and then sighed heavily.

My friends say that she's a keeper

But I let her go

Didn't know how much I need her

'Til I was on my own

I've been drinking but the truth won't drown

No, the truth won't drown

Bad medicine won't go down, down, down

“Fuck it,” he muttered to himself, putting the cube down on the bedding. He grabbed the neck of the liquor bottle, taking several, large sips. He knew that alcohol wouldn't fix anything, but at least it would let him forget about the pain for a while.

The rum in the bottle was running out by the minute, and when there wasn't a drop left in the bottle, Marc got out of bed and headed to the other part of the flat with the intention of finding an extra bottle of alcohol. On the way, he kicked another empty bottle that he had drunk the day before and didn't even bother to throw it in the rubbish. He no longer cared about anything. He pulled an unopened rum from the fridge and, unscrewing the bottle, set off for his bedroom. He didn't know what exactly had made him stop at the aquarium, but for a moment he couldn't take his eyes off the fish swimming in it. Apart from Gus, there were several other species in it, which Y/N had carefully selected. She always wanted a pet, but none of them were suitable for looking after anything other than fish. Marc wanted to curse everything in existence that every single thing in this flat reminded him of Y/N. Then he lifted his gaze to his own reflection in the glass and saw Steven looking at him with clear disapproval.

“Don't say anything,” Marc spoke up, pointing his finger at the alter.

“You're an idiot” said Steven, not paying attention to Marc's behaviour. “I understand why you are behaving like this, but it does not change the fact that you are still an idiot.”

“If I am an idiot, you are even more so,” replied Marc, taking a sip of alcohol. “I did what I thought was right, and you have nothing to do with it.”

“Do you know that one conversation would have fixed it? Y/N would understand.” Steven stated.

Marc sighed heavily and rubbed his bloodshot, tired eyes.

“I know,” he agreed with difficulty. “I know she would understand, and at the same time she would want to help, and that's not an option at all.”

“You are hurting her and you are hurting yourself, Marc” Steven answered him. “You should talk to her.”

Marc shook his head almost immediately.

“There is no such option. It's fine the way it is now.”

“And don't you think you can protect her better by being with her?” Steven prompted, and Marc tried at all costs not to believe a word of it. “Do you really want to lose the only one good thing in our lives? You trust Y/N far more than Layla ever did, even when you were married. If you didn't, you wouldn't have told her the whole truth about us and Khonshu. That already puts her at risk enough, and I remember well what you always said back then. That she is only safe with you. Nothing has changed with that.”

“Purely hypothetically, I cannot count on your help?” Marc chuckled

“Forget it," Steven said. “You destroyed it, and you have to fix it yourself. Good luck, Marc. If you play it right, things will still work out for you.”

Steven turned away from him, and Marc put the open bottle down on a nearby table and went back to bed.

Ooh, the cover's over

If I could dream I'd hold you

Can't stop thinking, am I even

On your mind

Now, the nights are colder

Miss you on my shoulder

Miss you there on my cheek

Every night

Marc didn't really want to believe Steven's words, but he had to admit that his alter was right. Which only made him even more unable to stop thinking about Y/N and the whole situation they were in. The smell of her perfume was still in the air, and it was making it even harder for him to focus. He wondered if Y/N, like him, couldn't sleep through the swirling thoughts. He sat down heavily on the corner of the bed, and then ran his hands over his face before finally weaving them into his hair. He felt trapped and didn't know what he should do. On the one hand, he knew he couldn't function like this. He would only go on like this for a while, and the fact that the argument with Y/N had happened only a few days before did not help at all. If he was already sinking to the bottom, what was going to happen next? But on the other hand, he couldn't push away the thought that their relationship didn't make sense, and he selfishly wanted to keep her with him. Even if he was putting her in danger by doing so.

The truth was that Marc could tell a lot about himself, and certainly that he was damn selfish and needed Y/N beside him. At any cost.

Marc finally reached for his phone and dialled the only number he had saved. 3 AM wasn't the ideal time for phone calls, but he still believed Y/N would answer. Though he didn't see any concrete reason why she would do it at all. Not after their last argument. The first signal, the second, the third... By the fourth, he was almost hanging up when he heard Y/N's sleepy voice on the other end.

She's on my mind, she's on my mind

She's on my mind, she's on my mind

I can't sleep at night

'Cause she ain't by my side

“Hello?”

“Y/N, I…” he started, but he didn't even know what exactly he wanted to tell her. There were so many things he wanted to tell her about, but he didn't know how. At the same time, he had the feeling that it wouldn't change anything anyway.

“You can't sleep, don’t you?” She spoke up, and Marc smiled slightly. Y/N knew him very well. Sometimes maybe too well and that scared him.

“Something like that,” he muttered in reply. “I woke you up.”

“Yes, but…: she sighed. “It's ok. It's not like this is something new for me.”

Marc was aware of this, because he knew that every time she stayed at his place, she often woke up in the middle of the night when he himself couldn't sleep. He always tried to act as quiet as possible, but Y/N apparently had such a delicate sleep in his company that the slightest rustle would wake her up. Each time he told her to pay no attention to him and go back to sleep, but she was stubborn. She sat together with them, talked, and most of all was by his side. Her very presence calmed him enough.

“I'm sorry, Y/N,” he said briefly, but he wasn't sure himself whether he was apologising to her for waking her up or for the way he had pushed her away. “Actually, I wanted to talk. Can we?”

Y/N didn't answer. Marc believed she would disagree, at least he would if he were her. He himself felt like punching himself in the face every time he looked at himself and believed Y/N should do the same. And completely cut off from him, and not agree to any conversations, about their last argument where too many harsh and hurtful words were said. When Marc had almost given up hope that Y/N would agree, she, as always, managed to surprise him.

“I will be at your place in half an hour” she finally said.

“I'll be waiting” Marc replied and the call ended.

Marc looked at the phone for a moment and then threw it on the bedding next to him. He still wasn't convinced he was doing the right thing, but he knew Steven was right about two things. Y/N was the best thing that could have happened to him in his life, and she could only really be safe with him. He loved her, and he was going to confess that to her once again as soon as he saw her. He could only hope that Y/N felt the same about him all the time.

And that not all was lost yet.

⸻

I would appreciate any interactions , thank you for reading. 🎔

[bubbledumbbinch]

Yandere! Idia Shroud x Camgirl! Reader SMUT

A/N: Hello! This is my first fic I've posted on tumblr, and I'm not used to using it at all. I hope this turned out okay and you enjoy! This is a College AU, implied magicless world, and reader is a camgirl.

This fic is purely 18+, minors do not interact.

Word Count: ~4.4k

Warnings: dubcon, brief mention of blood, non consensual drug use (aphrodisiacs)

Friday night, 11:24pm, 6 minutes before your scheduled time to start “work”. You had just finished putting on your makeup and outfit, now trying to hype yourself up in the mirror.

'I can do this. This is gonna be a great show!' You told yourself, while staring at your reflection wearing the revealing outfit. Tonight’s choice was a catgirl maid costume; the maid dress just barely covering your body and showing a large amount of chest. A choker with a bell on it, cat ears, and thigh high socks.

Giving yourself a nod of encouragement, you sat down in the chair in front of your desk, where your laptop and webcam were situated, along with your ring lights, one at each side of the desk so you were well lit for the camera. Making sure you were logged into the site, your camera angle looked good, and your laptop was charging, you waited.

You loved your side gig as a camgirl. You were able to appeal to multiple people’s sexual desires while also being able to bring yourself to pleasure, sometimes more than once per stream, if there were enough donations of course. You were also able to make a decent amount of money while doing this side job, paying for college while having fun was a pretty big plus. And, if you were gonna be honest, the validation of being attractive to so many people really made you feel a lot better about yourself.

You quickly noticed your clock switch to 11:30pm. Time to start. You clicked on the set of buttons you pretty much knew by heart to get the show started. Once it did, you started up some music to fill the silence. Just some cute electronic music to dance in your chair to while you wait for the viewers to come in. You didn’t really have as many as the big camgirls but you had a few loyal people come and watch your streams, which set your heart at ease.

5 viewers

cay-kun @ 11:31pm: wooow y/n-chan, you look so cute! excited for tonight’s show~

User18535 @ 11:32pm: fuck you’re so goddamn cute, i love your tits. can’t wait to see what that pussy looks like

10 viewers

You playfully giggled while reading the last message, winking and sticking your tongue out while flashing the camera your panties from under your skirt. While waiting for more people to join, you also made a point to talk to your viewers, asking about their day and what they’ve been up to recently, which they loved you for.

25 viewers

User58273 @ 11:34pm: You look so kawaii, I wish I could have you service me.

40 viewers

Glancing at the viewer count, you decide to officially start.

“Hi hiii~ I’m so happy to see you all here tonight! Let’s have some fun, hmm?” you started playfully. “Do you guys like my outfit?” Messages of “yes” and “yeah baby”s began flooding the chat and you grinned. “Well, I have something that will be a real treat for you all~”

You reached over to grab something that couldn’t be seen by the camera or the viewers.

~~~~~

Idia was browsing through the site full of nude streamers, trying to find a person to watch so he could relieve his tension from this week. It was midterms season and his Computer Science teachers were giving him hell by making him do in person presentations, exams, and assignments that kept piling up. It took a lot of time away from gaming and side projects of coding his own programs. He also unfortunately didn’t have his little brother Ortho with him in college, as the university didn’t allow them both to attend “as one student”. Ortho definitely eased some stress as someone he could trust and talk to, but Idia’s parents decided to keep Ortho at home to “prevent Idia from being distracted”, much to his dismay.

Idia was at least blessed to not have a roommate, so he could at least have his own privacy for nights like this. Idia’s eyes landed on a thumbnail of a girl that was dressed in cat ears and a lewd maid outfit and was intrigued. He clicked on the video icon and was met with your figure bent so that your ass was up and legs were spread on the chair you were previously sitting on. The girl on the stream had her panties down to her knees and was currently lubing up a cat tail butt plug.

“Ah, I’ve never used this before so, bear with me, please!” She pleaded, eyes looking directly at the camera. Idia was intrigued now this was her first time using it. He felt like this was perfect timing, almost like she was doing it just for him. Until he saw the comments flooding in from different people who were probably thinking the same way.

“Put it in already”

“Go slow okay~”

“don’t force yourself if you don’t want to! >//<”

“Tch,” Idia scoffed to himself. “Seems like she has simps already. No use in being interested in someo-“

“H- here it goes!” You moaned, starting to slowly shove the length and girth of the butt plug into your tight hole. “Aaanh~ it’s stretching me out...” Your eyes pricked with tears while your face contorted into pure pleasure with a hint of pain, all while staring at the camera. Every so often he could hear the little jingle from the bell on your choker.

Idia felt his pants getting tighter and his palms were starting to sweat. The face you made at him was just too unreal and he needed more. He palmed at his growing erection while you shivered at the feeling of being filled by the toy. Pulling his sweatpants down to his ankles, he started stroking his cock lightly.

cay-kun @ 11:38pm: oh y/n-chan the way that stretches out your hole is so sexy~ definitely taking a screenshot for later!

User39748 @ 11:38pm: SHIT i wish i was there fucking you with that in your ass

Blushing, you turned around so that one of your legs were in the chair while your other was up, effectively showing the camera a view of your pussy and butt plug. “What do you want me to do? I’ll just play with myself until someone makes a donation and tells me what I should do! Highest bidder within the next minute~.” With that, you looked into the camera again while soaking your middle and ring fingers with saliva and bringing them to your clit, rubbing small circles into it.

Idia realized that, even now, he wanted to have some kind of control over you. He had a lot of disposable income, being from a pretty rich family. The blue haired boy grabbed his credit card and began to type.

Ignia has donated $100!

Your eyes widened and you gasped slightly. Idia bit his bottom lip at the sight. “Ah, Ignia! Thank you for the donation, you’re new here! Welcome, what would you like to see me do~?” You smiled while looking at the camera. Idia felt like you were staring into his soul and he was sweating profusely. He thought for a minute, gulped, and decided to send a message.

Ignia @ 11:43pm: I want you to keep watching my messages and do what I say, kitten. First I want you to grab a vibrating dildo if you have one and put it at the lowest setting, then fuck yourself slowly with it.

Idia would never have the balls to be this bold with anybody. But this is the internet, so fuck it, he’ll be truthful and just say what he wanted.

You nodded and proceeded to grab one from the table of toys you had next to your desk, lubed it slightly, and did what he told you to. You moaned at the intrusion and the feeling of being filled. “Mmh, it feels so good..!” You cried out.

Ignia has donated $50!

Ignia @ 11:45pm: And by the way, call me Master. You don’t get to cum until I say so.

You shivered at this stranger’s boldness and quietly spoke, “Yes, master...” you looked away shyly from the camera and closed your eyes for a minute, thrusting the vibrating device in and out of your wetness. A couple of moans slipped through your mouth as you felt your juices spreading onto your legs.

Ignia @ 11:47pm: Faster. Fuck yourself faster for me, kitten, and put it on the medium setting for me.

You did as you were told, fingers trembling to follow what the stranger had told you. Your (h/c) hair was starting to feel moist from your layer of sweat and your body was heating up, causing your breasts to stick to the costume.

Ignia @ 11:49pm: Take your tits out and play with your nipples

You panted heavily and lowered your chest area’s covering, revealing the sheen of sweat around your tits. Flicking your left nipple while working the dildo with your right, your hands were occupied with pleasing yourself as this stranger commanded, moaning out. “Aah, m-master, f-feels so go-ood~!”

Idia was smirking, stroking hard at his cock at the sight and idea of you actually doing what he said almost made him cum then and there, but he stopped himself. He couldn’t help the rapid beating of his heart when you said the last sentence. Idia felt special. The power he had over you was addicting and he wanted to see you push yourself over the edge under his command.

65 viewers

User58273: Fuck this is so hot, I wish I could be your master too

Seeing this comment somehow made Idia seethe. He didn’t want to share you, even though this was his first stream with you. You made him feel special. He started typing out his draft of what to reply to the thirsty viewers.

Draft: Ignia: You stupid bastards, no, I’m not going to share her.

Before Idia could send the message you spoke up in a moaning voice. “*pant* N-no, my master tonight is I-Ignia, haanh~”. You were still playing with your nipples while fucking yourself well with the dildo, a light blush decorated your face and beads of sweat starting to form on the sides of your face and your body.

Idia’s jaw dropped. ‘Does she actually really want me?’ He was getting hot, too hot for his own comfort. Usually he wouldn’t last this long during his sessions but he really wanted to see you fall apart under his command. He paid for it, after all.

“Master~ I’m getting close, I- I wanna cum soon!” You whined, pleading (e/c) orbs staring into the camera with your mouth open from panting heavily.

“Cum already, don’t hold yourself back”

“Just keep going babygirl”

“Let yourself cum”

Once again, Idia scoffed in annoyance, but he noticed you never acknowledged any of the other commenters, waiting patiently for the words to come from him.

Ignia @ 11:55pm: put the toy at the highest setting, fuck yourself til you cum, then keep pumping it while you ride out your climax.

Upon seeing those words, your fingers work to put your toy at the highest setting inside your dripping cunt. You closed your eyes while you try to imagine the user who was giving out the commands, imagining them slapping your ass and fucking you until you could see stars. The feeling of both of your holes being filled was overwhelming now, and the hot feeling built up in your core faster than you realized. Idia could see it too, the heaving of your chest was picking up rapidly.

“M-,, ma- master.! I’m cumming!!!” You shrieked. Closing your eyes with your tongue unintentionally lolling out, you released a silent scream as soon as your orgasm hit. It felt like a knot inside of your body had come undone suddenly. Your orgasm had your pussy clenching around the toy that was still vibrating intensely inside of you, stimulating you longer and making you release high pitched screams.

Hearing your words before cumming had Idia teetering on the edge, but watching your facial expressions and your moans made him finish suddenly with a grunt, his pale cock spurting thick white cum all over his hand. Still, Idia kept stroking his length while you were riding out your high, overstimulating himself to match your actions on the stream.

You pulled out the toy weakly and turned it off, putting it down on a towel next to your desk.

Ignia has donated $5!

Ignia @ 11:59pm: Spread your pussy lips babygirl, I wanna see your tight hole.

User39748 @ 11:59pm: I agree with Ignia

cay-kun @ 12:00am: ah~ I also agree. Let’s see you spread it, hmm~? Oh, can you also do a lil ‘nya!’?

You checked the chat and blushed heavily, post-orgasm shyness now taking over your mind. You hesitantly shifted in the chair while spreading yourself open with your pointer and middle finger, showing off your glistening folds with your lightly abused hole. “Nya...” you held up your other hand to do the signature “catgirl” pose, playfully sticking your tongue out too.

Idia was cleaning himself off but he could feel himself twitch again, staring at your meek form. You were so gorgeous and he really wanted to see more of you, making sure to press the “Follow” button, so he wouldn’t miss another stream.

After a few seconds, you decide to end your show, feeling extremely tired and needing a shower from sweating so much. “Thank you so so much for joining me tonight! I hope you guys have a wonderful rest of your evening~ take care and I hope to see you all soon!”

Small tips ranging between $1-$10 started to flow in along with messages of “take care~” “see you soon!” “great show baby ;)”.

You clicked off and you sighed deeply. Looking at your earnings tonight, you made around $200. This was probably the most you’ve made in one single stream, and $155 of that was from Ignia, a new follower and the one who pretty much commanded your entire show tonight. It really turned you on to have someone do that for you and it was the first time a viewer made you do something that felt so lewd that made you cum so quickly.

You stood up from the chair, cleaned up your desk and toys, and headed for the bathroom. Taking off your makeup in the sink, you jumped into the shower to clean yourself up.

~~~~~

Idia tentatively bit his shirt sleeve, his blue locks framing his face. Something inside of him told him that he needed to talk to you more. He had already typed out a message to send along with his friend request. He was scared - scared of being rejected by someone as pretty as you, especially now that he had already felt so attached to you, or rather, what he’s seen from the stream tonight.

Yellow eyes closed tightly as he clicked to send the friend request to you.

~~~~~

Jumping out of the shower, you throw on a head and body towel and started to brush your teeth. Walking around the room you realized your laptop was still on, and there was a notification box front and center. Curious, you clicked on it.

“One new friend request and message”.

“Friend Request: Ignia

Message: Hey, this is the user from your stream earlier. I just wanted to say I really enjoyed your stream tonight. You seem nice too, so I’d like to get to know you more. If you’re interested just feel free to add me back, no pressure ofc.

Thx

Ignia”

You blinked a few times, pondering what you should do. You had gotten messages from guys before but they only said cheap compliments and asking for private shows. You were single so there wasn’t anybody holding you down and this guy didn’t seem to radiate any bad vibes. His dominant nature over chat really turned you on and you were curious about him, so you decided to accept his friend request and send a reply.

“From: y/n-kitty-cat

Hi there :) I decided to accept your message, cause why not? You shouldn’t be that creepy, right? ;P anyway, I’m glad you enjoyed my stream tonight <3 I hope you can come to future ones too!! I’d like to see you around more ;)

❤️

y/n”

You sent the message and went to the bathroom to finish brushing your teeth and your other nightly routines.

Idia couldn’t believe his eyes - you had actually messaged him back and you were really flirtatious!! That meant he was different in your eyes, right? It has to be true! He was determined to meet up with you, eventually. His dick throbbed at the idea of having you to himself, pleasing him with your mouth, doing all those lewd faces you made on the stream... his mind wandered while he pushed his pants down once again and thought of his muse who was now his “friend”.

~~~~~

After a few days of messaging back and forth, you and Ignia had ended up exchanging numbers and using text to communicate almost daily. You found out things like what your majors in college were, finding out his real name was Idia, which was a pretty unique name, and realizing you were both from the same city. Well, it’s not like Idia hadn’t already done his research - the night he became your friend he had stalked all of your social medias under a throwaway account and scrolled through every photo and bit of information he could find about you. He was becoming so hyper fixated on you he needed to know more, who could blame him? Idia just hoped he would be seeing more of you in your streams so he could watch you get off again, maybe with his assistance.

Unfortunately for you though, you realized you couldn’t stream as much because midterms were also kicking your ass. You apologized to your viewers with a blog post who luckily understood and wished you luck, saying they looked forward to your next show.

Idia couldn’t see your pretty face from the stream, which made him yearn. He told Ortho about his crush on you and when the small boy told Idia to “just tell you the truth and meet up with you!” he wanted to shut down completely. But, he wasn’t completely opposed to the idea of you being in his room, exactly where he wanted you. Sighing, he picked up his phone to send you a text.

Idia: “hey”

Y/n: “hey there! 😉”

Idia: “soo i was wondering if you wanted to hang out sometime”

Y/n: “omg 😱 like irl? I’ve never even heard your voice before lol”

Idia: “ik, i’m a bit shy in person.”

Y/n: “i see, so is the life of a gamer and a shut in?😏😂”

Idia: “hah, yeah i guess lol”

Y/n: “soo, what did you wanna do?”

Idia: “idk, anything you want. Except go outside. And be in public.”

Y/n: “pfft, that takes away like any idea at this point HAHA”

Idia: “ya lol i prefer gaming in my room tbh”

Y/n: “oh, then maybe we can just hang out and play games or something like that?”

Idia: “Yeah, why don’t you come over to my dorm, we could game and eat snacks”

Y/n: “Sounds great! This Friday then, 6pm?”

Idia: “Sure i’ll text you the details later”

Y/n: “Awesome :) see you in a couple days then ;)”

Idia: “cool”

Idia threw himself on his bed and screamed silently into the pillow. Idia wanted more than to just be your friend but unfortunately was also extremely shy, especially when talking to new people in person. But as he was sexually attracted to you, he knew he would have a hard time hiding it from you. He had hoped to initiate some kind of sexual interaction when you met up, wanting to indulge in your sinful reactions himself. He didn’t even want to think about anybody else seeing you like that. Idia was growing possessive and realized that if he were to get you where he wanted you, he needed to do a little bit of digging. Which meant searching the web for something that would help make you more agreeable to something sexual. He knew he himself couldn’t make you agree to it, he was too nervous to initiate that! He knew what he needed - an aphrodisiac.

Composing himself, he got onto his computer and compared his options as well as looking for advice on how to please a woman. His eyes widened and lips trembled as he realized he was definitely way too shy to initiate as much as other men do, but he was determined to try anything if it meant your attention.

~~~~~

Today was finally Friday, and the current time was 5:30pm. You styled your (h/c) locks and put on a light amount of makeup, not as much as you would when you streamed but enough to make yourself feel pretty. You also decided that you still wanted to be cute, even if you and Idia were just friends at this point, and wore a tight crop top, a high waisted black skirt, and some thigh high socks since it was a bit breezy outside. You topped it all off with a (f/c) cardigan so you could at least feel comfortable in the sleeves. Packing your bag, you took one last look at yourself in the mirror, did a little peace sign and smiled, feeling cute as hell. You grabbed your keys and walked out of your dorm, heading towards Idia’s campus.

You parked at the place he told you to and gotten out of your car, looking around for him. Shit, you just realized you didn’t even ask him what he was gonna wear or what he really looked like, which was pretty dumb in hindsight. You did catch a glimpse of a tall lanky guy with fluffy blue hair and a striped t-shirt, who was fumbling around on his phone and didn’t realize you was standing right by him.

“Excuse me,” you interrupted his peace softly, causing him to jump up and squeal in fear. “Oh!! I’n so sorry, I’m just looking for someone and I didn’t know if I was in the right place?”

Idia froze. It really was you, in the flesh, looking at him and taking his appearance in. You were gorgeous, even more so than he would have ever thought, and your voice brought tingles to his spine that made him shudder. Idia realized he was being quiet for a longer than acceptable time and he looked away. “H-hi,, y/n...” he mumbled barely even audible.

“Oh!! Idia? Is that you? Hi!!!” You exclaimed, seemingly really excited. Your mouth was curved into a wide smile too.

“Huh, you sound really enthusiastic...” Idia whispered, thinking he really said it in his own mind instead of out loud.

“Of course I am! I’m finally done with midterms and now I can relax and have fun with my new friend!” You said, bumping your shoulder with him, causing him to hold his breath.

Idia gulped when he realized what you said. Friend. Right, that’s all he was to you. At least for now. But hopefully that would change soon, right?

“Y-yeah. Let’s go inside.” Idia muttered, turning his back and walking.

Based on his demeanor, you almost forgot that Idia was the one who was so dominant during your stream the other week, since his attitude was so shy in real life. But, you pushed that thought to the back of your head, today was gonna be a fun day with a new friend, and that was strictly it. You didn’t really want to make your side job as a sex worker into a big thing that would make real life friendships difficult.

~~~~~

After he led you through the halls of the dorm, he brought you to a door and opened it up. Inside it was a bit messy, but an organized mess, one where the owner definitely knew where everything was. He had a pc setup with multiple monitors, RGB lighting which was mostly set to shades of blue, and a really nice gaming chair to go along with it. He also had a shelf with different manga series along it and other consoles for gaming, a bed, a door that led to a bathroom, and a mini fridge. Pretty nice for someone who lived without a roommate, you thought.

You walked over to his bed and flopped down onto it. Idia couldn’t help but think about the many times he had masturbated to you on those sheets that you were now sitting on. He was wondering what kind of panties you were wearing too, when he was suddenly interrupted.

“So! I guess we should get started on some games, yeah? I think I wanna play a fighting one against you! I’m totally gonna win~” You smiled up at him playfully.

Idia let his personality slip when games were brought up. “Tch, you really think you’re gonna win against me ? Think again.” The blue haired boy smirked down at you, which lit up the fire of competition in your heart.

“Let’s go then, dude.”

~~~~~

After about 15 minutes of close battles but still losing every one, you groaned and put the controller down on the floor where you and Idia were positioned in front of a monitor. You had developed a small sheen of sweat on your face from the stress. “Hey Idia, do you have anything to drink? I’m so thirstyy~” You looked at him and pouted, hoping he would maybe have some soda or water for you.

“A-ah, yes I do...” he stuttered a bit, seemingly nervous about something. He shuffled over to a mini fridge near his desk and brought out a cooler bottle. “Here, I made this sweet tea yesterday and you can drink from it...” Idia handed you the cool bottle and you observed it suspiciously. He was starting to feel his breath hitch and wondered if you had caught on.

“Hm~? Drinking from the same bottle already? So intimate!” You teased him, lightly elbowing his side. “Well, here goes nothing.” You tipped the bottle into your mouth and the tea tasted like sweet peach, with a slightly bitter aftertaste.

“Hm, it’s... interesting. What kind of tea is it?” You inquired, looking at the contents and sniffing it.

“I-it’s a recipe I found online! It looked good so, I decided to make it, I- I thought you would like it...” he shyly put down his head, trying to hide his suspicious nervousness from you.

“Okay... well it’s pretty good! I’ll drink some more, thanks for thinking of me~” you said as you gulped down the drink for a few more seconds. “Mmh! I think that cooled me down, let’s play more rounds!”

Idia looked back at you and sighed in relief. “Y-yeah, let’s do that.” He didn’t know how long it would take to work but at least he could distract his nerves by playing some games.

~~~~~

You started to sweat and feel hot. Unbearably hot. You cleared your throat and pulled off your cardigan and folded it to the side, but it wasn’t enough. The heat spread from your head, to your torso, and to your lower regions. Feeling hot and a deep... itch that you couldn't quite reach, in your crotch, you decide to change the position in which you were sitting, from crossing your legs to having them right underneath you, to feel some sort of friction in that area. You could feel yourself blushing intensely while the blue haired man next to you was still immersed in the game you both were supposed to play.

Watching him, you couldn’t help but notice the way his fingers moved on the controller, his thumbs and pointers expertly moving across it. You started thinking about how they would feel playing with your nipples and clit - wait. ‘What am I even thinking about?! Snap out of it!’ But, you also couldn’t help but think about when you were close to beating him during a round, his voice changed to a lower, frustrated one, and he even let out a little growl. Even now you noticed the way his eyes were so glued to the monitor with a small scowl on his face. Thinking about that sent throbs and heat to your growing wetness.

WINNER: PLAYER 1!

“Fuhehe, I knew I could beat you again~ but for some reason it felt like you weren’t trying as hard this round.” Idia put down his controller, finally took a glance at you, and his breath was caught in his throat.

Your (s/c) body was covered with a layer of sweat, cheeks burning and your eyes looked glossy. You were also panting slightly, rubbing your legs together softly to try to create more friction. “A-ah,, hey... do you think you could lower the temperature in here? It- it’s getting really hot. Maybe I could have more of that cold tea?” You breathed, trying to sound more stable than you were.

Idia was dumbfounded for a second and totally forgot you had drank the tea that he mixed with the aphrodisiacs. He gulped as he leaned closer to your face, observing you. “Is... is there anything else I can help you, w-with?” Idia placed a hand on the floor near your thigh and watched as you tried to scoot away from it.

“D-don’t do that... it’s...,” you whimpered, back now touching the side of his bed as you leaned away from his touch. Since when did he smell so good? His scent radiating from his proximity sent tingles across your body.

“Do what?” Idia experimentally reached out to touch your arm, fingers grazing your back slightly. You couldn’t fight back the moan that slipped out of your mouth. “Haah~ I-Idia...” you breathed, looking at him with pleading eyes. You really weren’t planning on doing anything with your new friend, so why was your body disobeying your mind?

“Y/n... you know you can tell me if there’s a-anything you need.. I’ll help you.” Idia’s eyes were still wide and the way he looked at you made you start craving. You wanted him - no, you NEEDED him to touch you more. You never really thought about it, but, Idia really was attractive. It’s not because of your hazy mindset that you realized it, but the way the blue lights illuminated his pale skin and make his hair almost glow, you were just focusing on it more. He was... cute.

“I-...” you started, looking down at his hand on your arm, and then back at him. Staring at his lips, you felt your arms move around his neck as you pulled him closer. Your lips smashed against each others messily and you released a soft whimper against his mouth. The reality hitting you, you moved your head back suddenly breaking the kiss. Your body was still hot.

“F-first...” Idia was stuttering. “First... kiss...” Idia stared wide eyed at you, lips still trembling. He blushed and turned away, his brows tilted upwards as if he were troubled.

“Oh, oh god, I’m so sorry....” you breathed out, scared you had fucked it up with your friend.

“Haah.. more...” his eyes suddenly turned back to you, seemingly darker than before. “I want more of you, y/n...” with that, he brought his lips to yours again and moved them sloppily against your own. He even took the liberty to bite your bottom lip with his sharp teeth, causing you to yelp. Idia used this opportunity to shove his tongue past your mouth and moved it against your own, causing you to moan in pleasure while you could feel your panties starting to drench.

Idia pulled away from you, cheeks tinted pink. Both of you panted for breath, your clothes now feeling sticky due to sweat. He scanned your blushing figure and saw an opening of your skirt that had shown off your lacy panties. Idia gulped and dove his head towards your clothed pussy, breathing in the essence and shuddering loudly, which made you gasp.

“Idiia, no... we, we shouldn’t...” you whined. But you could feel your body was not agreeing with your words. When the tip of his nose grazed your clit you bucked your hips against his head, letting out a moan at the contact.

He lifted up your skirt to your waist so he could see your facial expressions. Suddenly, his wet tongue experimentally slid up your clothed pussy, piercing yellow eyes locked onto your glazed over eyes. You shrieked at the sensation and felt embarrassed that he could get you like this, and you were still wearing your panties.

“Hhn, you wore these for me, didn’t you..?” Idia said, which made you blush. “No, I- I didn’t...” you muttered weakly, trying to avoid his gaze

Idia’s grip on your thighs suddenly got tighter and he looked up at you with furrowed brows. “Don’t lie to me, kitten. I know you want me, like how you did on the night we met, on your stream.” Idia firmly told you. It seemed like it was more like he was convincing himself. "N-no Idia, I... I don't want to-" you started, until you were interrupted.

Idia’s teeth bit suddenly into your soft thigh, causing it to bleed a bit. You knew it would leave a big mark later. “AH!! F-fuck!!” You grabbed onto his blue hair and felt your pussy clench onto nothing. Why, why are you enjoying this? It was like Idia’s personality had changed, from the shy person you met outside his dorm to a more possessive and rough one. You were a bit scared of him but why was he making you feel so good?

You didn’t have time to think as you felt him move the fabric of your panties to the side so your drenched cunt was fully visible to him. He stared in awe and took in everything - the shape, size, and how wet you were. You brought the back of your hand up to your head and panted with embarrassment. “Idia... mmh...”, tears pricking the corners of your eyes. Your body was still wanting more and after your mind was fighting the feeling so much, you decided to let it be. “Please...”

Idia met your eyes and saw how glossy they were. He lifted your body onto the bed so that you were now lying on your back while he was still in front of your crotch. You softly breathed in and out, causing your chest to rise and fall in your sweat soaked top. He snaked a pale hand under your shirt to grope your breast in your lacy bra, cold fingers sending shivers through your hot body. Idia couldn’t resist any longer, he suddenly shoved his wet muscle onto your pussy with fervor. You gasped and threw your head back onto Idia’s plush pillow, and shoved your hand on the back of his head pushing it deeper into your legs. Idia couldn’t contain himself and moaned into your heat, sending vibrations through it. “Oh- aaanh~ Idi-aaa~....” you sighed and whined. He took this opportunity to lower the cup of your bra below your breast and pinch your pert nipple in his fingers.

“Fuck~!” you screamed, feeling hot tears flowing down your face. Your body couldn’t take it much longer. Your core was building a familiar sensation but it was all too overwhelming and coming too fast. “It feels so good!!” You squealed, squeezing your thighs together so you were caging his head. Idia focused his energy lapping hungrily at your clit and then pushed two digits of his free hand through your wet hole, pumping them in and out. Your panting breaths were becoming shorter with each pump.

“Idia~ I’m close!! I’m gonna cum..!” You looked at him between your legs, and he lifted his mouth off of your cunt for a brief second. He stared into your eyes with his yellow ones, which stared at you intensely, licked his lips, and spoke.

“Cum for me then, kitten. Don’t hold back, cum all over my face.” With that, he dove back in and pumped his fingers into your core and flicked his tongue on your sensitive pearl even faster than before. Idia’s hips were rutting on his mattress, precum wetting his undergarments.

“Oh god - I’m cumming, I’m cumming~!!” You screeched and squeezed his head with your thighs, squirting his face and sheets with your cum. His tongue darted around your pussy licking off your juices. You breathed heavily, riding out your high. It took everything in him to stop himself from cumming right then and there - he wanted to save that for later.

Idia leaned up to where you were and kissed you passionately, and you could taste yourself all over his mouth. You moaned at the taste of your own juices on his tongue. Still exhausted from Idia eating you out, your body somehow craved the feeling of being filled. You sat up and got up from the bed and for a second he was afraid you were getting ready to leave. You removed your drenched shirt in front of him as well as your skirt, underwear, and bra. Still wearing your thigh high socks, he stopped you before you could remove them. “I, I want you to keep those on...” he licked his lips as he stared at your socks squeezing your plush thighs, the mark he made earlier with his teeth was visible and bruising now.

Following your lead, Idia was removing his own garments, tossing his shirt to the side. He was lean, not too skinny but not muscular either, pale all over. He also removed his pants and swung them over to the floor. Idia avoided your gaze as his erection was now very much so noticeable in his boxers, and you could even see a dark spot where his precum had made a mark. You felt your vagina tremble at the sight of it. It’s been a long time since you’ve had a partner and the anticipation was starting to get to you. As for Idia, well, everything was his first.

You knelt down in front of his bed and his legs and reached out to touch the head of his penis through the boxers, making him twitch and breathe out. “Mmh,...” you pulled down his underwear to reveal his lengthy cock. He wasn’t extremely girthy but he made up for that in length. The head of it was a shade of pale pink and dripped with clear liquid. You took some of the clear liquid in your hand and began teasing the head of his dick. Opening your mouth, you also gave it a few kitten licks while you pumped the base. Idia let out a few grunts and threw his head back, causing you to grow wet again.

Idia felt himself getting too close to orgasm which made him grab your head to stop you from going further. He lifted you up again and placed you on his lap, your dripping cunt hovering over his standing cock. Your body was hot again as you stared into Idia’s yellow eyes, a pink haze dusting his pale cheeks. Remembering he was a virgin, you looked at him hesitantly. ‘I- I don’t know, are you sure you want to lose your virginity right now?’ was what you were planning on saying, until he spoke up.

“Y/n... I need you. I’ve been wanting to do this to you for a while. I- I'm gonna put it in...” Idia whispered, panting slightly. As he was lowering your hips, you couldn't say anything as you felt his tip graze your wetness and you whimpered at the feeling. He kept bringing your hips down until you felt him all the way inside, head of his dick kissing your cervix. You threw your arms around his neck and moaned into his ear, causing a grunt from your partner. Not giving you time to adjust, Idia started thrusting in and out sloppily into your hole, squelching and moaning sounds filling the air of his usually quiet dorm.

“Oh Idia, please, pleasepleaseplease-!” You screamed, not even knowing what you were pleading for. Your (h/c) hair was sweaty and you felt your eye makeup starting to run with every tear you shed. Idia’s loud grunts filled your ear, causing your heat to build up.

“*pant* Mmh, y/n...” he paused and started thrusting into you slowly but hard, pulling you back so his forehead could touch with yours, blue hair still frayed in his face. “You have, *pant* no idea... I would masturbate to your pictures every. Single. Night. I jerked off on these sheets and used your photos of you smiling, you weren’t even *pant* n-naked... Does that, *pant* make me a sick pervert? No matter, you're here with me now, and I'm mmh, making you feel good, right?” Idia confessed, yellow eyes staring into yours with infatuation and obsession. You felt your breath hitch in a feeling familiar to fear. He was lovesick. Not the same person you thought you were messaging for the past few days or gaming with earlier. He looked deranged.

“I... Aaanh~!” You were cut off by a particularly hard thrust into your cervix. Idia licked your neck while thrusting into your abused hole. “I’m gonna breed you, kitten. W-wanna see you drip with my cum.. mmh, you want that?”

You were so close to your release that you didn’t even care about what he was saying. “More Idia, more!!” You breathed. Closing your eyes and now using your own hips to grind into his cock.

Remembering a particular position that grabbed Idia’s attention, he lifted you up, dick still hard inside of you. He placed your back on the bed, your head on his pillow while he brought your legs up to your chest. Idia continued to thrust into you, your face now in full view. He held your wrists in one hand above your head so you couldn’t hide your face from his eyes.

“Idia...” you breathed out. “I- Idia!!!!” You felt your orgasm approaching fast while he pounded into you relentlessly. “Haaanh~ I’m close!!” You moaned shamelessly.

“Hnnh, that’s r-right, y/n... mm, cum for me...” Idia breathed out in between his panting. With that, Idia thrusted faster until the knot that was building in your lower regions finally released. “Aaanh~!! I’m cumming, Idia, c-cumming all over your cock!!” Your face contorted into one of full bliss, eyes looking straight into his with your mouth in an o-shape. The walls around Idia’s length clenched tightly, milking him of his seed. Idia came suddenly with a groan, pumping it deep within you while riding out his high. "Fuck, y/n!!"

Idia rolled you both to your sides, his dick softening inside you. You both panted hard as you faced one another. You opened your eyes to find him with his eyes closed, blushing at the sight of your naked bodies still intertwined even after your climaxes. “We, we actually did it...” he whispered and opened his eyes. “!!!!” He made a mildly surprised noise, eyes widening and turning away.

“Eeh?! What’s wrong!?” You said, wondering if something was on your face. “N-nothing it’s just.... I’m surprised we... you.. you’re staring at me... I’m sorry, I’m still not used to people doing that...” Idia said shamefully, darting his yellow eyes to and from you periodically.

You couldn’t help but giggle. “Eek!! Why,, are you laughing at me?” Idia frowned and hid his face in the pillow. “Well.. your personality is different when you’re having sex versus not. It's interesting.” you told him, tracing a finger along his arm.

Idia blushed intensely, throwing his arms around your neck and hid his pale face in your neck. "Mmph..! I-, I like you, y/n..." he breathed into your neck. "I wouldn't be able to handle you doing this with another person so... will you be mine?" Idia pulled back to watch your face as you contemplated.

Idia's words from earlier suddenly flooded your memories. He looked insane when he confessed to his perverted actions and it evoked an uncertain emotion akin to fear. Your body felt paralyzed. But in the moment, with Idia's lightly pink tinged skin and unsure eyes, you had to admit it made your heart flutter, too. "Yes, Idia..."

[cinnamonest]

How do you make gross incel hentai adict Xiao sound so fucking hot like

Ohmygod

It makes me want to choke on his dick

I am STILL obsessed with this concept so continuing bc I can (//fem darling + some sexism): he also gets really into internet sex trends. Like, I mentioned the choker-snapping thing, but also all the egirl crazes and trends like the virgin killer sweater, the thigh high sock garters with spikes and heart shapes, the cow print bikini thing, maid uniforms, cat keyhole lingerie, schoolgirl uniforms, cosplays, collars, those rubber paddles that leave a shape welted into your skin (which you have to try out, just for fun, even if you didn't do anything). You have at least like 5 pairs of different sets of those animal tail butt plugs and ear hairbands that you're more or less forced to walk around in, complete with a little bell collar. The best part about those is they can be combined with the other outfits :)

Sex trends... Well yes there was the "snap my choker" thing back the past two years that he got super into and still wants to try for real, and in the current date darling would be suffering from that Jack-O challenge... Yeah your body can totally bend that way. Just keep trying, he wants a picture. Also the pencil challenge from a few years back... Also wants to see you try. Finds it cute if you can't, it keeps dropping to the floor, so he gets a video of your desperate attempts. And if you can, gets a picture of the result. Either of which is to jerk off to whenever he has to be away for whatever reason.

And when I say porn addict I don't mean just actively searching for porn, but rather, it's so ingrained in his brain that he's integrated it into every outlet he has, which just perpetuates the addiction in a cyclic sort of way. Open Twitter? Immediately bombarded with porn. Reddit? Porn. Tumblr? Let's be real there's still plenty of porn here too. Most games he plays are those gross dude-oriented ones with anime girls in next to no clothes running around, etc etc. He has no social media or app that he doesn't have some sort of pornographic content that will pop up nearly immediately. It's.... Bad. But on the... bright (?) side, you don't have to worry about him becoming one of those dudes that prefers porn to the real thing... Quite the opposite. At this point it's all just, to your dismay, inspiration material.

See, he has a firm belief that if he has you, he shouldn't have to jerk off ever again. He can cum in you, and should have rights to your body at any time he wants, that's what wom- uh, girlfriends are supposed to be for. He pays for everything since you're not employed (not by your choice, but you know better than to argue that anymore), and takes care of you, buys stuff for you. He does the whole protector and provider role (by sitting at his computer all day to earn money, and occasionally taking out one of your old exes), so you do your part and clean up, make him food (you made the mistake of cooking once and now he refuses to ever go back to ramen), and be an available set of holes at any time that does what he wants. Well, that's not the only requirement -- you're also supposed to have a good attitude about it... The girls in porn are always eager and happy to take dick and get abused. So no pouting or complaining... You're supposed to be sweet about it (spare love bombs ma'am?? Please?) And certainly no disobedience. It's so arrogant and self centered to think you have the right to deny or disobey a good boyfriend that takes such good care of you. Or perhaps just simple minded, like you definitely are, not bright, he says. You just can't think logically, you're not capable of reason, you think emotionally. Yeah... A porn obsession, particularly the kind of porn he likes that tends to see the girls in extremely submissive roles, does not exactly help make his views on your sex any better or more positive, quite the opposite.

Boy is chronically online, anything he sees he wants to try... And now he has real living breathing pussy available! So he can actually do so rather than just dreaming about it, now that he threw out all those crusty socks and cheap pocket pussy.

He sees some Twitter porn of a couple using one of those short distance remote control vibes in a public place... Now you have one. Sure, you're not going outside, but it's still fun to use it from across the room while he's working or gaming and you're all tied up, occasionally turning it up super high only to deny you again and again. It gives him motivation to do his work so he can get back to you sooner. So now he actually gets work done faster than ever.

The hentai addiction/egirl weeb culture degeneracy is worse though. Definitely buys you that one famous bad dragon blue tentacle dildo. You can't put it in your pussy, though... No he's not insecure, it's just, you have perfectly good dick right here for that hole. You can use it to train your throat and ass though! That's why he got it for you. Will definitely shove it into your poor ass and leave you tied down so that you can't move, having to stay like that for ages while he works.

Also, the faces. Hope you're not too quiet or still when you cum... Haven't you seen hentai girls?? You're supposed to like, make that face, stick your tongue out, and squeal a lot. Unfortunately, if you don't match up to porn actresses and hentai girls in terms of how you cum (and let's be real, who does?), he takes that as a sign that you're faking it. That's not good. Not only does it make him grumpy and pouty, but it means you'll cum until he's certain you're not faking it. Again, this creates a very unfortunate cycle of confirmation bias. By the fifth straight orgasm in a row, you're whimpering and sniffling from the overstimulation, begging and crying and wailing and.... Ah, so that's what you're like when you really cum, since he still insists the other times were fake. Which means that again, in the future, nothing less than that full crying and wailing will be believed. Poor darling.

Probably got camgirl darling to send him bathwater and straight up chugs it smh

[uneryx]

A story + some advice

Once upon a time, back in 2009, I was “cancelled”.

We didn’t call it that, back then, but basically, after making a shitty, sanctimonious post, nearly every online friend I had made told me to go fuck myself and stopped talking to me. [below the cut - the story, plus some advice to the TDP fandom about toxic fans, consequences, and bad fan behavior from someone who has both been both accuser and defendant. This isn’t a Pity Me post, btw, just me trying to neutrally describe a Bad Time and draw comparisons to an ongoing situation to express both sympathy and clearly state that sometimes consequences are deserved.]

Oh, I had my reasons for the post I made. I was living with my parents, and they had discovered my secret livejournal. After several hours of screaming matches I was given the ultimatum - quit livejournal and LJRP forever, or move out with nothing but my car, my clothes, and the $60 I had in the bank. I chose not being homeless.

As part of this, I was allowed to make one final LJ post - a goodbye, telling people where I was, a (heavily edited) version of what happened and a plea to all my LJ friends to consider that they too might be “addicted to the internet” and they should “save themselves”. It was self-righteous and unwelcome, and my mother had no compunctions showing me the comments telling me to kill myself, get fucked, etc. It was devastating, and I spent the end of 2009 and the beginning of 2010 completely socially isolated, with no one but my parents for friendship. Needless to say, it blew.  Some of those friendships came back, either because those friends had the patience and kindness to understand my situation/hadn’t taken it so personally, or because after years (and I do mean literal years, like... 5+ years), mutual forgiveness happened. But not all of them. There are people who I spoke with daily who i haven’t spoken to in 12 years and I wonder what they’re up to now. Good things, I hope. I wish them nothing but success and happiness. But I had been an asshole and made a post that hurt people, and promptly been shown the door. And I don’t expect anyone to forgive me for being an asshole, even if my own circumstances were pretty dire. I made the choices that I did, and live with the consequences of those choices. That’s... just being an adult. Now. Lets talk about TDP and a certain she who will not be named. Miss thing has said and done some things that are high on my bad-fan-behavior list. She’s tagged the official account in a plea to have them mediate her fandom drama. She posted a suicide threat in the main fandom hashtag, without any warnings or tw tags, just right there for any and everyone to see. She’s made some pretty harsh accusations of other fans of bullying, harassment and death threats, but has produced no receipts or proof, which - in this day and age - is pretty important when making such a serious allegation - meaning I have to assume she’s making it up. She’s defended JKR and said that calling ol’ Joanne a TERF is unwarranted, claimed that “biological gender” can’t be ignored, whined about “liberal privilege,” and claimed that white people experience racism too because there isn’t enough “Tuscan rep.” (girl, what? Tuscany? I guarandamntee you more white people know what Tuscan culture looks like than Fillipino or Indigenous culture, what the hell.) She asks her followers to brigade and harass other fans as well as the people she’s accused, and blows things out of proportion... and then has had repeated histrionic meltdowns in the main fandom  hashtag, the public square of fandom, over one of these big name fans allegedly getting other fans to block her (still, no receipts).  I feel like I shouldn’t have to say this, but the claims she’s making are not true. If you know the ppl in question and follow them for any length of time, that is not the people who they are and they would never. Furthermore, trying to get Wonderstorm involved like they’re the fan police is, as i have said in my most popular post this week, bad. It’s bad. It’s bad fan behavior and being called out for it is deserved. So why am I telling you my sob story and then whipping around to talk about a similar story? Because I deserved being cancelled. I said something shitty - even if my circumstances were understandable and sympathetic! But what I did with that is attacked and harmed other people.  Attacking and harming others and making your drama and mental health public is toxic. People have a right to call you out, block you, and stop interacting with you if your behavior is harmful to them and the people they care about. It’s not harassment, its not bullying. It’s fucking consequences for being someone people don’t want to be around. I get it, I really do. It SUCKS. But sometimes you have to grow up and realize that when you hurt people, they might hurt you back. Nobody in fandom wants to be around someone who is constantly making drama their problem. And nobody in fandom should have to deal with that. 

I want miss missy to take it out of the fandom. She keeps threatening to leave tumblr and honestly I wish she would? At least until she’s grown, matured and learned how to handle her mental health in a productive way that doesn’t drag everyone, of all ages, into the fray. As it is right now she’s just making herself and everyone else miserable. Redemption isn’t something magically granted because one has apologized - it must be earned by a good faith demonstration of change. Not a performative change, but TRUE change. Until then, well... Sometimes you gotta cut your losses and leave. If you’re young and riled and feeling like the big mean fandom BNFs are harassing this poor poor mentally ill queer woman? Consider, perhaps, that she isn’t the only mentally ill queer woman in the fandom (hi!), and that when people call her out for toxic behavior it’s not bullying, but consequences. (BTW, madam, if you’re reading this: I didn’t block you because anyone told me to - in fact, i was told by certain parties NOT to block you. I blocked you because I don’t want you looking at my posts and thinking you can use my platform to give your self-aggrandizing pity party legitimacy like you absolutely did whenever I blogged about forgiveness, fan culture or positivity. These posts are not for you. Nice to see you didn’t respect my boundaries and are looking at this logged out, too.)

[blankd]

Thoughts on The Mitchells vs the Machines

I watched it a while ago and kept forgetting to post my thoughts on it, but some posts here on tumblr recently reminded me.

I disagree with the majority takeaways I see but is that not the spice of life?

As a standalone movie its inoffensive and the writing of it will likely exit my brain in a few months.  However I can appreciate that the visual style was different from the typical fare and the mixture of 2d elements for visual embellishments were mostly enjoyable and well-suited for Katie as the POV character.

It's a bit "hyper" for my liking, but that's fine, it's likely intended for an audience that's accustomed to the flood that is the current norm of the internet.  It was probably made with GIFable moments in mind and that is the most frequent content that is shared about it, so it certainly succeeded in that regard.

My more critical take is that jokes are delivered at the expense of what could be more authentic themes.  Quips are made that draw attention to character flaws or undercut questions the movie should try to answer, but inevitably they are ignored to move onto the next joke or story beat.

The rest would fall more into spoiler territory, so read more for that.

--"They Were Both In the Wrong"

I personally disagree heavily with the thrust of how "both sides" were wrong when the degrees are disproportionate.

I've seen claims that Katie was "as in the wrong" as her father, but she's incredibly patient to the man who does her material harm.

I've yet to have seen someone say specifically what Katie did *wrong* to her father that is at all on par with the *years* he at best hasn't been able to interact with her or worse, actively refused to engage with her interests.

I would generously venture that her flaw was that she was more willing to communicate her feelings to strangers, but she easily talks to her mother and brother- her brother even helps her with her movies and she happily engages him with his own interests, which pivots the point back to how her father is physically/emotionally unavailable and led to the erosion and distance between the two of them.

Due to this, MvM comes across more as Kaite having to do so much more to guide her father rather than a more mutual learning experience for the both of them.

--"Technology that [Dis]Connects"

It's probably beyond the scope and intent of the film, but I was surprised there was no examination about why technology can be more alluring than interacting with physically present people.

For better or worse, the internet can be used as a means of supplementing the validation and acceptance of family.  It can also lead to no longer connecting to people around them because of the validation high of appealing to a constantly 'awake' sea of strangers- the spotlight is warmer than the cold reality that they are not the internet image they have cultivated.

For example, the rival 'perfect' family was never revealed to be a carefully constructed highlight reel that Mrs. Mitchell envies, they really were actually that perfect- because that provides an easier punchline than an examination or acknowledgement of how the internet can create unhealthy expectations.

I also can't expect MvM to acknowledge the reality that LGBTA+ people who are rejected by their family resort to seeking a new one through the internet because it would be much harder to redeem/rehabilitate a man defined by being tethered to "old values" if he was homophobic instead of "overprotective" and apprehensive at his daughter's departure from home and her dubious art career.

But hey we got that quick line at the end that Katie likes a girl, so that's a diversity win or something.

(To be clear I'm not expecting a whole parade or even an A or B-plot dedicated to it, but I think it should be acknowledged that this kind of "surprise inclusion" is very easily erased with a change of audio and would be completely unsurprised if this were the case for countries that are homophobic.  People can be happy about it, but it is dishonest to pretend that this is a bolder statement than it is.)

In that sense, I do and don't hold MvM to taking a "safer" route about how family always has your back, but this still feels like an important omission considering the focus on technology and its dynamic with the Mitchells.

I will also say that it was also bizarre, to me at least, that the obvious route that her father sees the value of home videos didn't become an active point between him and Katie.  Or that Mr. Mitchell's carpentry never really amounts to anything despite having a sentimental wooden moose.

Lastly, I think it's an unintentional, but it's interesting that Katie going to college to pursue her passion is viewed as a Terrible Thing by her father even though if he had his way, he'd be ostensibly living in the woods away from everyone else except his wife.

This isn't a problem, people are a collection of contradictions, but It's fascinating to see what the *narrative* treats as a difficult sacrifice while simultaneously pulling at heartstrings when PAL cites how children ignore their mothers.  There's an unexamined comedy that Mr. Mitchell's losing out on his 'passion' to live in the woods away from people is treated as tragic despite the movie's insistence on staying connected with your blood family.

--"The Inconsistent Personhood of AI"

PAL is rightfully angry at being discarded for something new; it's provided as a glimpse of what Katie will do when she finds 'her people' at college.

This in of itself is a good hook, because there is no one universal answer to when a flawed relationship should be mended with compromise or if it's better off being broken for the wellbeing of the ones involved.  Family and relationships are not programming, it's a choice and a gamble for whatever it brings but is nonetheless something that must be mutually worked upon.

Initially I thought that PAL was being set up as an exaggerated parallel to Mr. Mitchell.  PAL and Mr. Mitchell did their best to provide for their family.  PAL and Mr. Mitchell are in different stages of being 'discarded' by their family.  PAL and Mr. Mitchell both retaliate at their lack of power in the scenario by using the power granted by their roles to infringe on the autonomy of others for selfish reasons.

PAL even gives a 'chance' for her plan to be halted with, I had assumed this was being set up as the thesis of the movie, about humanity and the value of family, relationships, etc. being used to help someone who is already hurting.

But despite Katie looking at the camera and explaining herself, it is never actually directly resolved or challenged because a punchline was deemed more desirable for this narrative climax.

This begs the question of why PAL bothered with the pretense that she could be reasoned with, especially since this is not some question leveled at all of humanity, just two people.

I'm curious how the writers came to the conclusion that this was the best execution of the scene or if Katie's speech was considered immune to any challenge from PAL.  Would anyone have accepted this outcome if PAL were not an AI but instead a person?

It's not necessarily bad writing they went this route, but I doubt anyone would consider this good writing either.

By the end of the movie, PAL is no longer a 'person' who was betrayed and is lashing out, she is an object to be destroyed because the movie has to wrap up.  No compassion or chances are spared to this AI that did literally everything asked of her except take being discarded quietly.

Did PAL deserve a redemption arc? For this length of movie, probably not.  But it could have concluded with a commitment to doing no further harm.  Instead it is an accidental glimpse at how easily the pretense of compassion can be quickly discarded and mostly unexamined with the right framing.

A likely unintentional example is the conditional humanity given to Eric and Deborahbot who are adopted as "family" while the rest of the robots are mowed down without another thought.  Some are even beaten and broken while begging for mercy, because again, it is a funnier punchline.

Far be it for me to advocate that the murderbots needed 'a second chance uvu' but for a movie whose conceit rests on 'sticking by family' and 'giving chances', the writers certainly made a choice in deciding which AI get honorary humanity and spared violent death- perhaps PAL had a point about humanity's callousness after all.  Bad robots are discarded, good robots get to live.

Even the CEO who realizes he enabled this mess (easily the most unrealistic part of the movie, honestly) is given another chance and he manages to take away a completely wrong lesson.

Speaking of-

--"Maybe I Shouldn’t Have Used Tech Like This"

There's a particular image/gif set posted about MvM with the CEO apologizing for the machine uprising, attributing it to unchecked technology and monopolies.  I've always seen it accompanied by people congratulating the scene as if any of this is at all relevant to the movie.

Charitably, these are people who haven't watched the movie and don't know that PAL is a phone AI single-handedly doing this, but most take the stance that this scene is proof the movie is not saying technology is bad, only corporations are.

The speech isn't technically wrong but it is so utterly divorced from what happens in the movie that it's surreal to see people congratulate it as anything but a moment of soapboxing.

None of the datagrabbing was used at all as part of the takeover.  It's all magical kid-friendly terminators with no relevance to what anyone's browsing history is.  If the company was one that produced robot assistants instead of a being a super tech monopoly, there would be no narrative difference.

The closest to a predatory tactic that is used in MvM is the offer of free wifi which is used to lure most people into their cells which they happily comply with. Curiously this... commentary of people’s mindless addiction to technology is not acknowledged by the Tumblr Court with the same intensity as the CEO’s speech.

But more constructively, I do feel it’s a missed opportunity that Katie who's supposed to be an extremely online person apparently never said any bad things about her family or made any petty vent films for PAL to weaponize.  Instead an in-media audio at one of the outskirt locations was used to accomplish its Traitor Revealed moment.

IN CONCLUSION

MvM is a movie that involves topics that ought to be touched on and explored properly in media and chickens out on all of it due to possible concerns with age-appropriate handling or because it was more committed to its comedy than whatever it has to say about family, change and how technology affects people.

It also reminded me that I hope media will finally graduate from the trope that if you spec into any ‘outdoorsy’ hobby you are incurably afraid of technology.

[siren-theories]

Maddie Bishop's treatment by the writers in Season 3

(tl, dr: Maddie deserved better this season) SPOILER WARNING: This post includes spoilers up to and including Episode 308 “Till Death do us part”.  I apologise to the readers for - after a long hiatus - not writing another analysis post first. But I felt the way Maddie was written in Season 3 deserves its own post. So let us take a look at the the way Maddie was written in Season 3, the inconsistencies with her earlier established character traits and the possible justifications for this treatment of her by the writers. 

I. Introduction

I generally do not like to post about a show which has not finished its current season. That is because a lot of developments only make sense in retrospect and only then the viewer can know why the writers decided to emphasize certain developments. As such, I am usually trying not to write episode reviews and engage in wild speculation about what will happen next episode. I much prefer writing after the end of a season. 

Looking back on all the shows I have seen in my life, there are only a few that come to mind that had a great third season. The West Wing and the Wire are the prominent examples that come to mind. 

(Shameless West Wing Plug. I so miss this show and its intelligent characters, especially in the current political climate). 

Other shows meanwhile go completely off the rails (like Andromeda, which never recovered from its Season 3). So in general I tend to be very forgiving to shows entering their third season, not expecting much. Thus I would usually not write something like this. 

But: I worry about the treatment of a character I feel very protective of, the chracter who is my favourite character in the show: Maddie Bishop. 

(Vivat regina.)

Her being my favourite character might be surprising to the reader considering most of the posts on this tumblr are about Ryn (and to a lesser degree Ben), while I have written only sparingly about Maddie. But that is simply because Ryn and Ben are more interesting characters to analyze. Emotionally, they tick the "lets root for them" box for me, despite - and because of -  their character flaws. Those flaws always add to the story in a fascinating and dramatic way. 

But Maddie Bishop I RESPECTED right from the start. This is in no small part because I always felt drawn to her analytical, logical, scientific side. In cheesy terms, I felt a bond with her because I could easily think of me acting the same way she did in many situations. For me, she was easy to emphatize with, easy to like and very easy to root for. 

But this season has been hard to swallow in some respects.

In the words of the Godfather: 

(Tremble in awe of my awesome MS Paint skills) 

Note that this does not apply to all of Maddie's actions. In fact, the vast majority of her actions this season are no big deal to me and fit her character. Many of the actions Maddie seems to catch a lot of flak for on other parts of the internet seem perfectly justifiable to me as they do not go against the core traits of her character. 

I have no issues with many major decisions Maddie made this season, including but not limited to: 

She is totally right to re-evaluate her relationship with Ben. Everybody should probably do so when their boyfriend confesses that he let somebody intentionally drown. (It also is not the first time they have broken up. One breakup per season seems to be the norm with those two, not the exception.)

Her hiding the fact of Ryn being her girlfriend to Robb was the right and logical choice. Most people do not talk about their sexuality in face-to-face situations with strangers.  Let’s remember that they all agreed to hide their relationship even when having dinner with Ben's family...so why would people expect Maddie to refer to Ryn as her girlfriend to strangers? 

I am also okay with her deciding to pursue a relationship with Robb. Even though I view him as a giant waste of screentime he seems like a good guy in total. (I really hope his introduction pays off in future seasons because right now it feels as if he has taken double or triple the screentime he should.) 

I could go on but I feel the point has been made. What I am however definitely not okay with are the instances where Maddie acts like a complete idiot. Those show a massive failure to respect established character traits by the writers.

Because one thing Maddie Bishop is not is an idiot. 

She probably is the smartest character on the whole show. And she is definitely not a hypocrite - in fact, her strong moral core is what made her that great of a character in Season 1 and 2. 

Let me just highlight a few situation this season where I disliked heavily how Maddie was written.  

II. Revealing the secrets of the Sirens and their existence to a total stranger ?

“Remember this big secret people are literally getting killed over? I wonder if I should talk about it to this guy I met for a few coffees...not like letting other people knowing about it has ever hurt somebody....Ian? What is an Ian?”

Over the span of a few days, Maddie does the following in Season 3:

Reveal information about the Sirens to a total stranger, even going so far as to show him secret Siren history in the cave

Bring a complete stranger into the maritime laboratory (what exactly could have been her thought process here, what did she hope to gain by this?)

Doing the above despite being repeatedly warned not to do so

I can live with Ben being an idiot and refusing to heed warnings until it almost kills him because that is who his character is - somebody who lets his emotion, empathy and character flaws get the better of him at times despite his good intentions. Him taking stem cells is thus consistent with his character and at the very least a justifiable writers decision. To a lesser degree this also applies to Ryn and her total lack of impulse control. Ben and Ryn making bad decisions it is very consistent with their characters - and yes, this even applies to making stupid decisions. (For Ryn, agreeing to work with the military in Episode 207 “Entrapment” is but one example). 

But this is NOT Maddie and never was.

The Maddie from previous seasons was so very invested in keeping the secret that she hid it from her own father in Season 1. This led to the awesome scene between her, her father Dale and Ryn In episode 107: “Dead in the water”.

She hid this secret from her own mother in Season 2 (heck, she even hid her relationship with Ryn from her). She hid Ryn from her best friends, her former boyfriend and her coworker. And yet, suddenly some stranger from outside town waltzes in and within the span of a few coffee dates she goes and spills the beans to him? After being explicitly warned not to do so? Without even being in a relationship with Robb at that point and knowing next to nothing about him?  If you had held a gun to my head and forced me to pick somebody who would be dumb enough to just reveal the secret of the Sirens to outsiders, Maddie Bishop never would have been my answer. 

I could see Ben “Bad Judgement” Pownall and Ryn “No brakes on this train” Fisher doing so. I expect Xander and Calvin to be trash at keeping secrets because that is consistent with their past behaviour. But Maddie? No. Not Maddie. Not the girl who hid her mother’s addiction from the world as best she could. Not the woman who was okay keeping Ryn a secret from her own father. And not to a total stranger. 

This is Ben-level stupidity. Actually, it is worse than that. Blabbing about the mermaids to a total stranger without being under any kind of duress is by far the most stupid thing any character has ever done in this show. It risks not only Maddie herself, but also the Sirens as a species. It is even worse than Xander telling Nicole about Helen's family burials at the end of season 2. It is irresponsible and completely outside Maddie's established character traits and her past actions. It is unbelievable. 

III. Killing is different when my (animal) girlfriend does it 

Besides turning her into an idiot, the writers also turned Maddie into a hypocrite in stating Ryn letting Ian drown is different than Ben doing the same. Nevermind the fact that Ryn has actively killed people (and probably will continue doing so). 

(Why is it different when two people react exactly the same?Because.....reasons. The best reasons. People tell me they are the best reasons. My uncle went to MIT and invented these reasons. Big brain time.) 

So the writers had Maddie claim it is different when Ryn does exactly the same thing as Ben. It also is okay for Ryn to kill somebody who was no real threat to Ryn (or Maddie with Ryn being there). Remember when Ryn killed the drug dealer in Episode 205? Ryn was toying with the guy throughout the whole fight and clearly enjoyed killing him in a brutal manner. She even grins during the fight once she realizes the guy has no chance against her.

And yet, Maddie was okay with this. But it is not okay for Ben to let somebody drown who was  a) a homocidal maniac who used his car as a deadly weapon, having attempted to run Ben over twice previously b) somebody who could not be trusted c) who had just kidnapped a drugged-up Ryn.

I cannot remember when I ever groaned in frustration at anything Maddie had done or said throughout the course of the show. This must have been the first time and it is especially jarring in response to the following scene in 206:

(Ryn does not. The writers might.) As I said above, I am more than okay with Maddie evaluating her relationship with Ben, what I am not okay with is her immediate declaration that Ryn killing people is different...because she is Ryn? And I hate how it has one particularly ugly implication - that to Maddie, Ryn killing people is just what she does. The conclusion to be drawn from that is that Ryn is indeed a predator/animal first to Maddie than a human being. 

And this is obviously inconsistent with Maddie's earlier actions. 

First, she did not mind somebody eliminating threats before. She was okay with potentially having to hurt people in order to defeat the sonic cannon in Season 2. She was “willing to fight” to protect Ryn and her species. And several times Maddie carried loaded guns and was ready to use them herself in the series. 

She also always believed in Ryn's humanity. I am sure the many scenes between Ryn and Maddie in Season 1 and 2 are fresh in everyone's mind. Suffice to say that Maddie has always believed in the humanity of Ryn, starting with the car scene between the two in Episode 102 or the trust scene in Episode 103, which I have linked below. 

(and where did this dynamic go btw?)  Which ties in neatly with my next point: 

IV. The Marginalization of Maddie regarding Ryn and Ben  

Let me start by saying that breaking up the trio to focus on Ben/Ryn (and probably continuing to focus on those two) is not something I want to critize from a storytelling perspective. Final judgement on the storytelling will be reserved until the end of the series. As this issue is inextricably linked with “shipping” preferences, I think at this point I have to explain where I stand on the issue. I would prefer Polymarine as I think it really fits the characters best...but I can live with Ben/Ryn. This is in no small part due to Eline Powell and Alex Roe doing some of their greatest work on this show playing off each other. See for example how in Episode 306 they improvised with her hair sticking to his body after a hug and turned that into a tender gesture...great impromptu acting without breaking character. If the writers want to explore this (or any other) relationship  further I can respect that decision from a storytelling perspective because I think the payoff will be satisfying to me as a viewer.  Even though I feel it would have been better to explore Ben/Ryn in the context of Polymarine I begrudgingly accept the right of the writers to tell the story the way they want to.  

And If nothing else it leads to stunning visuals - image credit to @crayonboxhearts, more gifs from this scene at the link. 

But I dislike the way in which the writers set it up and executed it this season because (as outlined above) it sacrificed some of Maddie’s core character tenets and had her acting out of character. 

Having the trio become a duo on its own in an organic way without the above would have been preferable IMO. There were enough angles the writers could have chosen to facilitate that in a believable manner. They could have focused on the connection Ryn has with Ben, they could have had family reasons...et cetera pp. And they also could have used some of the issues Maddie has in her own past to justify a breakup. All of this would have been (IMO) preferable to what we got. 

What we got was something that felt as if it was written to check some boxes to set up the future plotlines and in doing so marginalized Maddie with regards to her importance to Ryn, Ben and the overall story. 

Granted, the show tried to show Maddie and Ryn's feelings for each other and they spent some time showing Ben moping after her - but in light of the significant strides made in the Ben/Ryn dynamic these scenes feel more than a bit hollow. 

And anybody who has watched episodes 308 could just see the role of Maddie as it relates to interacting with Ryn and Ben getting smaller by the minute. Ryn and Ben now have their own little circle, one which only seems to include Maddie on the periphery. Nowhevere was this stronger on display than in Episode 308, with Ben and Ryn making lifelong promises to each other.

Ryn: “I will live on Land. With you.” Ben: “On land. You mean, stay human?”  Ryn: “Yes. Here. Together. Human.”  Ben: “What about Hope?”  Ryn: “She can be with us. As a family.” Ben: “I can’t ask you to do that.”  Ryn: “It is my choice. When it is time, I will be human with you.”

Notice how Maddie was not even mentioned once during that conversation? And yes maybe it would have been a bit weird to include her in the dialogue . However this is not an isolated incident.  Later on Maddie is not even in the same frame when Ryn and Ben actually exchange a wedding ring and make a “til death do us part” promise. Let me repreat this: They are exchanging wedding vows and Maddie is not even in the frame.

(Yes, technically not wedding vows, but only due to the circumstances surrounding them - the sentiment and meaning was there. FFS, she is even wearing white). 

And sometimes it is something as simple as Ryn in 308 kissing Maddie on the cheeks and Ben straight on the lips. 

There could not have been a more clearer message than the contrast here.  And this was clearly intentional on part of the director considering these frames followed each other immediately.  

And then of course we get the followup scene on the docks where Ben is literally standing in the middle between Maddie and Ryn, before turning and following Ryn, both leaving Maddie behind. Observe the contrast between that scene and the pier scene in Episode 203. 

203: 

308:

(Ngl,seeing her standing alone there in the dark hurt) And some of that can be viewed as a logical development of Maddie no longer being in a relationship with Ben (and whatever kind of relationship Maddie has with Ryn, it is clear that Ryn is not staying at Maddie’s place at all). Siren has always been about the relationship of the main characters within the tight-knit circle and it is clear that at this point in the story Maddie is not part of the inner circle anymore. 

V: Maddie’s role in the story

And if Maddie would be doing something else, something central to the story of Bristol Cove, something that would valiate her character and make her essential to the plot in other ways, it might be enough for me or at least end up softening the blow. But is that the case? 

The side characters that have the closest connection with her (Dale and her mother Susan) have not even appeared once this season. And we had Xander replace her in her role as the gun-carrying backup which Ben calls first when stuff goes down in episode 306. So far there has not been a critical “Maddie moment” this season that was absolutely essential to the plot. She figured out the reason why the pool was not working in Episode 307 but it was Ben who came up with an actual solution to the problem.

(A caveat: Ben usually is the one who figures out solutions in the show (cf 208) so I might just be overreacting here.) But what exactly is left of the crucial role that Maddie had at the start of this season? Is she still as important as the other two main characters with regards to story development? I really hope the Finale will make me look like a fool for even asking that question. But I hate having arrived at a point where it even is a question once can ask legitimately.

VI: Previous acts of plot

This is not the first time the writers have decided to ignore established character traits in order to tell a certain story.  I have written before how it made no sense for certain storylines of Season 2 to play out the way they did in Episode 214 and 215 - except in the context of them serving the overarching plot.

Specifically, Ryn not knowing Ben's last name despite living together for weeks and months and suddenly going haywire after hearing it made little sense. And yet it was clear why it had to happen - because the writers wanted to tell a specific story. (A longer argument for what happpened and why can be found in the middle of this post if you do not want to take my word for it.) They wanted to do so because it led to great payoffs for the viewer:

1) We had an awesome discussion between Maddie and Ryn in Episode 214 

(Remember how emotionally intelligent Maddie was in that situation? Where did scenes like that go?)

2.) It led to several great scenes between Ben and Ryn and also provided further justification for Ben’s choices in 216. 

In retrospect,  the plot contrivances of 214 were done by writer's fiat to setup a scenario that would test the relationship of the trio. This created more drama and paved the way for a satisfying payoff at the end of Episode 215/216. In doing so, the writers allowed character inconsistencies and plot contrivances to steer the story towards a predetermined outcome, to the detriment of character logic and past character developments. 

And we can see a similar trend developing here. The end goal of the writers seems to have been the rock scene between Ben and Ryn at the end of Episode 308. 

And if you assume this to be the end goal in the current plot development...if the goal was to focus on Ben and Ryn...then there needs to be a breakup. Because huge parts of the storyline (stemcells, them going swimming, them making promises to each other etc.) do not work with Maddie in the picture. 

But was it necessary to sacrifice parts of her character and have her acting in a manner inconsistent with her established traits in order to do so? (Maybe they had to rush it because of lack of episode time, but then why waste so much time on Robb and Helen’s ghost stories?). 

And there is another problem: The success of this plot development will heavily depend on whether it will fit the personal preferences of the viewership. As I said above, while I would have preferred Polymarine I can live with and enjoy Ben/Ryn or Maddie/Robb. 

But for die-hard polymarine and Maddie/Ryn shippers, I feel the results might be somewhat different. And this is only made worse by Maddie being unfairly treated by the writers in order to facilitate the overall plot development. I suspect many Maddie fans (regardless of their shipping preference) will have been disheartened about how the writers made Maddie behave this season. 

I know I was. 

VII: The parallels between Episodes 108 and 308 - and why they worry me

And there is another meta-reason why I am deeply worried about Maddie and her role going forward. And this has to do with the way in which Siren’s previous ten-episode season has been set up. In Season 1, it was Episode 108 that cemented the character development happening in that season. Episodes 109 and 110 served to defeat the big bad of the season and to introduce temporary setbacks that had to be solved at the start of the following season before the characters returned to the dynamics establied in 108. 

In short, while Episodes 9 and 10 were exciting, Episode 8 of Season 1 is the pivotal episode of the season. Ryn’s desire to learn and to stay on land, her first steps into human society...all those happened in that episode. There are also strong parallels in the way 108 and 308 treated Ryn’s relationship with Ben, even ending their screentime in the episode with a impactful scene between the two (”Will you sing to me” / “Til death do us part”). Other parallels include both episodes featuring an important event in a human’s life (a wake/a marriage), both episodes involving the whole Bristol Cove community etc. 

And like 108, 308 was (IMO) a near-perfect episode in terms of performances, pivotal scenes and dialogue. Just by the sheer number of extras, costumes etc. involved the writers clearly wanted it to be important. And it was important.  It greatly drove forward the plot and I personally rate it as one of my favourite episodes of the show on its own for that reason. 

But there is one major difference that seperates 108 and 308: Maddie was very much still in the picture (literally) and a plot-driving force in her own right.

And this worries me. 

I expect the final two episodes will be about defeating the big bad of the season, as it was with Season 1. Maybe the season will even end the same way as Season 1 - with Ryn being on her own for a bit. Maybe she even goes back to the water for a longer time (or is forced to do so due to circumstances). But I also expect character development in season 4 to largely use 308 as its base. 

And now you can see why I am getting concerned here about Maddie’s diminished role. I really hope the writers have not forgotten what a wonderful character they created in her and find better ways to use her in season 4.

There are plenty of options within Siren to give her meaningful screentime again (her spending more time with Xander and Calvin for example would also give more screentime to those two, which I would love to see). But whatever the writers chose to do in the future, I really hope that it does not involve Maddie acting out of character again. 

Conclusion:

The way the writers wrote Maddie in Season 3 is not something that I agree with, nor does her diminished role in the central dynamics of the story sit well with me. Did it completely ruin the show for me? No. The mysteries of the sirens, the Pownell family saga, the question of whether Ryn has to permanently return to the sea, her child and the whole Ryn/Ben dynamic kept me entertained - and will do so in the future.  

But Maddie being this off-base and not being in the main picture definitely does diminish the show for me - and I think I am not alone in this. When I look at the failed opportunities for her character it saddens me in a major way. Even though Season 3 is still an enjoyable and entertaining season for me, it could have been much more. 

[star-anise]

Seeing the way kids and teenagers are vilified online for even the simplest things makes me hurt, and it also makes me grateful for the adults who were online when I was a kid, who let me grow, and make mistakes, and occasionally be a dumbass without trying to run me off the internet for it. I think we, as adults online these days, have a responsibility to kids and teens to at the very least not be shitty to them while they're still growing up. Like our elders were to us.

SO SO SO MUCH.

I also really appreciate the adults who metaphorically grabbed me by my shirt collar and said, “You’re breaking the rules. Go cool down and come back when you can treat other people decently.”

I also have a more complicated thought that’s like--I think society, not just those of us online but like, everybody, has a responsibility to create better online infrastructure for community-building. The same way cities have a responsibility to build schools and parks and swimming pools for its citizens to use, someone on some level should make sure that the websites we have to use every day to find work and have social lives, sites kids are having really important formative experiences on, are capable of enforcing some really basic rules of conduct.

Which would mean passing laws to make sure social media sites and video games are kept from really terrible and exploitative practices, like getting kids addicted to real-money microtransactions, or blasting a 16 year old’s hot take out to thousands of people, or tacitly permitting hate groups and online bullying because they’re profitable.

Heck, it might even mean putting taxpayer dollars towards incentivizing companies to work more for the good of their userbase than their advertisers. I’d pay for that.

Like, fundamentally, Tumblr is a trash website because it has no brakes. There is no way for us to form communities and then protect everyone in that community from abuse and harassment, not the way there is when you kick someone out of a Discord chat or a Facebook group. I can block someone who’s a noxious troll, but that doesn’t protect anyone else from them. Because that’s a choice Tumblr made about its fundamental makeup, because that’s what’s profitable. (Er, more profitable, inasmuch as Tumblr is profitable.)

[helihi]

The Good, The Bad, and The Dirty: RWBY Vol 6 Ep 8

I WAS RIGHT ABOUT BEING WORRIED. PLZ KELIN BE SAFE.

Overall rating: 5/10

Spoilers Ahead

The Good

One thing that the CRWBY had gotten right since day 1 was the family dynamics and the depiction of abuse in the Schnee household. I don’t say this lightly: I personally know what is to grow up in an abusive household. When I heard Weiss be so hard on herself in Forever Fall during those first episodes, I knew she likely had an abusive parent.

When analyzing a show, especially when one touches on very delicate subjects, it’s a huge sign of disrespect not to dive into them and extract everything you can from the themes. In this case, it gets personal.

Tumblr is an odd place: a site where anonymity and honesty blend together in an odd way. For years, I used this username as a way to put myself out there without endangering myself, but as I grew up and started using the internet to find a job, it was hard to separate this personal little hole I dug for myself and the projects I had in mind for the future. Today, I make choice while doing this review, and that choice is sharing with you part of my childhood, and the reason behind it is to state my bias: I don’t feel empathy for Willow, even before she was introduced I felt she was the worse mother in team RWBY. That, in the short future might change, but here are the reasons why:

Jacques Schnee is an awful person. He’s a terrible businessman, an abusive husband, and an abusive father. He left a mark on all of his family members: his wife turned to drinking, his oldest daughter joined the military to escape him and put herself in harm’s way to protect her younger sister, her second daughter hated herself and didn’t trust anyone around her, and his son mirrored his behavior to protect himself.

However, an abusive household can have more relationships than just “an abuser and his victims”, it can also be “an abuser, an enabler, and their victims”. I don’t mean to say the enabler is not a victim themselves, but their secondary role has an important impact in the life of children.

So here’s my truth: my mother is abusive and my father is an enabler. I don’t know how it happened, but my mother’s violent and hurtful behavior was first downplayed by my father, then it was dismissed, and, in odd times, it was mirrored. A while ago, Lindsay Ellis made a video about Guardians of the Galaxy 2. There’s one quote that always resonated with me:

“The dynamic between Gamora and Nebula might read as familiar for people who grew up in households with abusive or addicted parents, and that is the displacement of anger from the abuser (...) to an older sibling or parent that failed to stop the abuser or the addict. (...) It can be even harder for people to forgive a sibling or a parent who failed to stop abuse than it is to forgive the abuser.” - Lindsay Ellis on Gamora and Nebula’s relationship.

That being said, I don’t, in any way shape or form, believe that Willow is worse than Jacques. However, before you’re quick to defend her or “protect her” remember that she allowed her husband to harm their children as much as he could. At no point did she ever stand up, or seek help; maybe it was because of shame or the need to uphold an image to the outside viewer, but the truth remains: she failed her children.

I’m not saying that Willow was in an easy position, due to her dependency on alcohol and her lack of confidence in herself, we all know that she’s a victim herself, but that will never excuse her behavior in my eyes. When my grandfather became dangerous to my mother and aunt, my grandma packed everything and disappeared with her daughters despite her fear. She made a very risky choice: to move to another province with no job offer and without knowing anyone, but she kept herself and her daughters safe.

My father never put a stop to my mother, and if he ever did, he never was there to make my brother and I feel better or to tell us that we weren’t at fault. I never knew my household was toxic until I started spending more time at my friends’ house (something that my mom wasn't a fan of). It was then that I realized my friends were not scared of their mother’s “wrath” as I was with mine. It was after years of learning this that I realized the reason why I suffer from an anxiety disorder and had suffered from several panic attacks.

Now, I want to draw your attention to a very important scene of this episode, the most important for me: Winter breaks and shouts at her father when under pressure. We’ve never seen her like this. Even her petty quarrel with Qrow didn’t have the same weight to it, and I can tell you why because I’ve lived through it myself:

When you can recognize your abuser’s tactics, and see how they try to gaslight/hurt you or the people you care about after being outside of that toxic environment, you go back to the child you were when you had to live through that. It was like time had never passed. You may get scared or, like me and Winter, you explode.

Winter might have found a surrogate father and a plan outside the Schnee name, but in reality, she’s still at Jacques mercy, more so than Weiss, like I said before. Though it feels great to be right, I cannot describe how miserable seeing the Schnees makes me.

With that finished, I want to move on to what Willow said to Weiss about her and Whitley:

She’s able to recognize that’s better for her children not to be at home, but just like time and time again, she’s an observer, not an active player. She likely saw Weiss leave with the help of Klein, but at no point in time was there for her daughter. So, thanks Willow, for nothing.

Willow is right about Whitley, however it is infuriating that she’s putting his life on his sisters’ shoulders. “You left him here with us.” For fUCKS SAKE. I am doing my best not to go on a rant here, but this whole phrase truly angers me. WHITLEY IS NOT WINTER OR WEISS RESPONSIBILITY, IT NEVER WAS.

I always tried to shield my siblings from my parents’ wrath, but this is not a responsibility you should put in a child. I don’t fucking care if Winter and Weiss are adults, they are victims dealing with their trauma, and though we are all sure Weiss is going to help her brother, that’s not her job. It shouldn’t be her fucking job.

For me, if there was any way for Willow to be somewhat “redeemed” in my eyes, it would be by protecting at least 1 of her fucking children. Say what you want about Raven, she’s an asshole, a manipulator, and a coward, but at least she was there to protect Yang when Neo was about to murder her.

Also, Imma add this here: A kind anon informed me that the vodka that Willow drinks is labeled “Six Swans”, which is a fairy tale written by the Grimm brothers in which a Princess (later Queen) works in silence for years to set her family free from a curse.

If that’s true, then Willow’s cameras will bring Jacques down for treason and the Schnees will be free of him.

So, after all of that, I’m fucking delighted that Winter spoke out during the meeting. People pointed out that Robyn was happy at that, which means that she likely now knows that Ironwood doesn’t trust Jacques, and she will trust on the bees word more than she did last episode.

Don’t think I miss the flirting between Qrow and Clover. It’s so good to see Qrow opening up and refusing alcohol.

The Bad

Fancy dinner everyone! Except no one in the gang is dressed for the occasion.  It makes sense for Ironwood, Winter, and Clover to go in uniform, but the kids have no freaking excuse. Everyone was wearing dresses/suits, except for them. Was it too expensive to suit the gang up, CRWBY?

I don’t like the exaggerated movements of the whole JN_R operation. They could’ve gone the classy spy way, but I guess we need cheap laughs.

Unfortunately, after having a steady episode duration, the writers pull a move from their old books and cut a possible whole episode/special into two for cheap cliff hangers. There’s no reason this episode had to be only 15 minutes and end in the middle of the dinner party. It’s just stupid. This episode only has buildup, no middle, and no end.

I’ve taken a lot of points off this episode because of that cheap trick, I can’t believe they went back to it after doing so well previously.

The Dirty

A long as table and barely anyone there, the fuck???!!!!!!

Also where the fuck is KLEIN IF HE’S NOT SAFE I FUCKING QUIT.

--

Overall rating: 5/10

AN: We don’t talk about the Schnees.

[oreomonsterhunter]

ON:E D2

Day 2 continued (even though there isn’t really a part one since TuMBlr DeLETed iT and I do not have the energy to try to recreate my thoughts, plus they wouldn’t be first impressions anymore since I’ve seen it already. Le sigh)

My Time is up first and I’m not prepared. My laptop even decided to quit the hell out of the website I was watching from, I assume in an attempt to protect me from 23 year old menace Jeon Jungkook. But the show must go on...

Ok I love the guitar move, I loved it the last two times and I love it now

No one come for me but his voice sounded a tad bit off when he first came in

I say this with love because my eyes and ears are peeled for injuries and strain and it is 2000007191819% believable that jk went too hard on day 1

But you know he’s right back on top again when the backing vocals come in and it sounds like a recording 😍 that’s my boy

I SEE TIDDIES I REPEAT THERE ARE TIDDIES ON THE SCENE

This choreo is impeccable

And I say that having seen it thrice and had my eyes peeled for the footwork and hand work because jk can Dance with that real good technique

You can almost touch the hours he’s put into this performance

Can you tell I’m avoiding the sexual nature as long as possible because I am

The leather fit was better for the thighs I’m just gonna say it

I like the red (and spoiler: the fact that he and jimin switch colors) but I reeeeeally liked the leather

My gawd those shoulder moves he’s so aggressive with it I’m 😳

The fact that his entire chest is out is absolutely sending me off the deep end, I am losing it, I have lost it

This sure is a...pectacle

Insert Jin windshield wiper laugh here

Jeon jungkook has pretty broad shoulders...and an itty bitty waist...and he’s throwing it in my face I’m like damn

Ok the backup dancers are lovely, and I like the symbolism of jk being followed by shadowy strangers, his every move inspected and copied

Imma say it: I liked day one hair better

I AM GASPING FOR BREATH JEON JUNGKOOK STOP IT RIGHT NOW I SAW ABS AND A WHOLE FRICKIN SHOULDER PUT THAT AWAY YOUNG MAN

I am keeping my eyes on the prize there is more to come I gotta stay cool but his THIGHS ARE A SIREN SONG AND I AM HELPLESS

That vocal run oof 😍😭 and right after that intense dance nonsense

Ok Santa I’ve had enough, all I want for Christmas is to squeeze jk’s thigh. Just one. Just for a moment. That’s all I ask.

I see sweat 👀 I’m not gonna say the thought I’m having I’ll scandalize you

FILTERRR JIMINNNN FUCK ME UPPPPP

Ok so he has his first note and immediately spreads his legs what am I supposed to do here jimin

His shirt is thin and almost missing as many buttons as mr doesn’t-know-what-buttons-are-jungkook so HOW does he do the outfit change later...we’ll find out

THE ROBE yes this is better this is the one heck yeah new fave

Jimin is Carmen right now (if you know you know) this is my ultimate goal

His hair...I said I was obsessed on day one but tousled is 😍 I love silvery jimin

And yes his eyeshadow is perfection absolute chef kiss Gordon Ramsay is on his knees praising this five star look

The lift and the half fall with the backup dancers is even MORE chef kiss ughhhh I’m so glad I’m watching this again to catch the details (and now I can pause lol)

Oop I caught a glimpse of those hand tattoos hello

Yeah jimin said “jk isn’t the only one with a chest”

HOW the outfit change was FOUR SECONDS OR LESS I COUNTED

I am literally yoongi looking at jhope doing hip thrusts right now. Hand over mouth, phone fallen to the floor, my entire life in shambles. Jimin has brought literal tears to my eyes how is he this potent even through a screen

Potent is the word, he is an actual SIREN like what

Jimin get over here I want you

And now I’m soothed with Jin 😌 thank you

THE PINK SHIRT nvm I’m not soothed I am a massive fan girl

His hair is also perfection, the whole vibe is It

Jin’s voice is sweeter than the WWH kisses he blows to the audience all the time 😭 omggg

I really do love that shirt, the sleeves are so fun and pretty and flowy

The little prince theme is killin me ahh

Things I want after this concert (since part 1 was deleted I’ll repeat myself...thanks tumblr I really love that you deleted valuable notes): jimins ripped sparkly pants, jungkook’s thighs, jimin, Jin’s shirt

HOLY HELL THAT HIGH NOTE

Jin are you sure you’re human I see no flaws, pretty suspect if you ask me

What?!? The song is over already? Excuse me?

Probably because I had to keep taking breaks from jk to breathe, and jimin to regain some control of my brain cells

The way tae does lil kid things as an adult

Not just on stage but I was reminded by that lil finger wave, this absolute cutie

The way he holds a mic is 👀 this man really does everything differently and somehow makes anything look damn good

What’s cuter, this kid or taehyung’s smile right before the chorus??? Impossible choice?

NOPE it’s the way tae makes those little faces at him and pats his head and you hear army in the background 🥺😭😭

His high notes at the end? Are they all trying to murder me with these vocals? Vocal line doesn’t REST

EGOOOOOO I think I need hobi in a red car for the rest of my life

How am I supposed to stay calm when you look That Good, hobi?

This choreo is so much fun ahhhhh I wanna dance but I’m definitely not good enough to learn this on the fly

The lil woah

Ripped jeans hobi 😍

Skipping hobi is an absolute joy, a bit of sunshine everyone needs to witness, the cure to what ails you, the light at the end of a long day, I sob

His joy is seeping through the screen he really is sunshine

He can really make any dance look easy, that’s such a skill

I mean these leg moves? I know they’re hard, or at least tricky, and he just? Does them? And makes my brain think they’re easy because he’s just doing them so naturally? What a lie he’s just gifted beyond this dimension. And also practices to perfection so there’s that

Tae is seriously shaking his booty right now lol

I know the boys always make fun of suga’s rap during boy with luv but I really love it

Jin’s so happy 😊 they’re all excited and having so much fun

I’ll never stop screaming over bts harmonies. Jk can actually turn anything into a masterpiece he blends so well with everyone, goosebumps every time I forget about a harmony and get surprised and ughhhh yesss

Jimin doing the ego dance lol this cutie

See I’m not crazy, they really are so happy on stage 😭 they’re all glowing and now they’re gonna talk about it I better not cry I’m too tired for that

Mmmmm Joonie wearing necklaces is 👌

All of their hair looks stellar oof

DNA choreo is one of my faves (who can watch them and say they’re not amazing performers, seriously)

Yasss Jin goooooo

Dance line really knows how to take and grab my attention like...I’m addicted to them

The hobi center part at the end though 🥳

I love the old songs, I’m always smiling when some of them come on idk

It makes me happy that bts still like performing their old stuff, like...we enjoy it but so do they

SUGA ON THE THRONE WHERE HE BELONGS #king of swag

You know it’s an old song when rapper jk reappears, and y’all know how much I love rapper jk *cough* ddaeng *cough*

The baseball is weird not gonna lie

Ooh little groovy jhope

Jimin seriously considered yanking his shirt up, I saw him think about it 😂 but shirt still tucked in

NEVER OVER THIS DANCE BREAK

Ok usually my jaw drops over jhope NOT NAMJOON excuse ME whAT

This should be ILLEGAL SIR, ILLEGAL

Ok yeah jhope has my jaw dropping again how does he move like that

😳😩🥵 red alert, that smirk is worth calling 911 to put out a fire because Hot Damn

I love jimin’s voice ok I love it

The closeups on heavy breathing sweaty bangtan are actual threats against my life

Not sure I have a pulse anymore

Can anyone in bts perform cpr I think I need it

Ok nvm jhope’s intro in spring day is the virtual version, I’m saved

What excuse me park jimin you better be ok go drink some water bb

Jin forehead I see you, worldwide handsome on full display

Gahhhh hobi vocals simultaneously kill me and bring me back to life

Also harmonies with rapline and vocal line (suga and jimin are lovely omg)

IDOLLLLLLLL YASSSSSS QUEEN

jk is totally doing sound effects lmao

I like how tae has the bandana around his bicep again (they totally stalked the internet and found the thirst, it’s the least practical thing, he’s only wearing that for one reason lol

They are the MOST HYPE how do they just keep going my introverted ass is in awe

Jk like move y’all are in my way this is my moment get out of it ahahaha

Wait how did I not notice tae put the bandana on his head

It must be a pain in the butt to clean up all that confetti

Encore song is only for army 🥺 these are the most precious boys i swear

Jimin fixing jhope’s hair...I thought I couldn’t uwu any harder but I can

Apparently I can uwu even harder because jimin saying he’s not gonna cry and smiling so big his eyes turn into smiles too I’m the softest for one man and his name is park jimin

President joon, I’m happy too 😭