#audio continues to play out of the speakers

[natjennie]

im about to go joker mode

[sugurufic]

I Wanna Ruin Our Frienship (Geto x F!Reader)

Summary: You want to try out a tiktok trend with your friend who you maybe have a crush on

Word Count: 1.1k

Content: Fluff :)

masterlist

You’ve been seeing this trend all over tiktok for quite some time, but you never got the time - or courage - to try it out. You had a not so low-key crush on one of your friends, Suguru. His beautiful appearance was easier to resist when you didn’t know him closely, but lately his soft voice, his pretty eyes, and his silky hair have been plaguing your thoughts.

So you finally got the time and the courage to try this trend on him, confessing your attraction to him in disguise. And you could use the trend as a perfect cover-up, in case he didn’t like you back. Easy-peasy!

You’re both sitting in the parking lot in your car, having just done shopping for your essentials, snacks, instant ramen, coffee and period care stuff. 

“Suguru, there’s this trend on tiktok…” You start, setting your phone on the dashboard and turn to him with your best puppy eyes. “Will you do that with me, please?” looking straight into his pretty eyes is never easy, but with the plan in your head it’s even difficult.

“You know I can’t say no when you look at me like that.” He whines, but the steady smirk on his beautiful face says otherwise. You love the way his bangs fall on his face, they compliment him well, you think. “What’s the trend?”

“I can’t tell you that yet,” you giggle. “I’m recording it just for us anyways,”

“Okay,” he relents with a sigh. “At least tell me how to act.”

“Oh, just be yourself,” you keep it vague. “I’d prefer your honest reaction,”

“Really?” he draws out, almost purring in your ear. You have to deliberately suppress the shiver that threatens to come down your spine. Sometimes, you think he does stuff like this deliberately just to get a reaction out of you. Instead, you grin at him, and press record on your phone and the audio starts to play.

Jenny darling, you’re my best friend, you lip sync, looking at Suguru’s smiling face in the video. You just pray that he hasn’t come across this trend yet.

But there’s a few things that you don’t know of, the song continues, and Geto turns to you with a confused frown on his brow. He looks you up and down as if trying to decipher you, to see through the lyrics.

Why I borrow your lipstick so often, you lip sync, and Geto wets his tongue, pretty eyes jumping back and forth between the camera and you, extremely confused at the lyric.

I’m using your shirt as a pillowcase, you continue, finally turning to him. You bite your lip as you think of your next move, body heating up in anticipation of his reaction. He’s looking at you now, foxy eyes focused completely on you.

Leaning forward, you put your hands on the collar of his t-shirt and pull him close so that your noses touch as the speaker says, I wanna ruin our friendship. You could swear he looked about as nervous as you felt and when you let him go without kissing him, he too had a pretty pink flush on his face, breathing heavily.

We should be lovers instead. He doesn’t look very happy with that. You’re scared that you’ve pushed too far, but then his big hand gently wraps around your throat and pulls you to him, kissing you properly. His lips fit against yours perfectly, like pieces of a puzzle meant to go together, so soft, so delicious and all-consuming. Geto has the best pair of lips that you’ve ever kissed.

You’re flustered, shocked, delighted and feeling like a dream all at the same time with the intensity of Geto’s kiss. His hand doesn’t leave your neck as the song continues to play, long fingers pressing down on your pulse point, making you shiver. The video stops when the time exceeds, and you finally pull back, nearly panting with the intensity of your emotions.

“If you needed an excuse to kiss me you should’ve said so,” Geto tries to sass you, hiding his pink face behind his hand. He’s playing with his bangs, a habit you’ve noticed he does when he is nervous. 

“I think both of us know who actually kissed who, Mister,” you sass him, suddenly feeling very confident. “I can still feel your hand on my neck,”

He clears his throat again, attempting to gather himself. His pretty eyes, usually full of confidence and looking straight into your soul, are averted as he asks, “So… did that song mean anything?”

“Only if this kiss means something to you,” you say, shying away from his words.

“Gods, I’ve wanted to do that for so long now,” he says, the tone of his voice sending shivers down your spine. If it wasn’t for his damned voice, he’d be easier to ignore. “I’m sorry I kissed you so suddenly,” 

“We both know you don’t mean that, pretty boy.” You say, narrowing your eyes at him with a smirk. You put your hands on his collar, pulling him close yet again to kiss him. He hits record on your phone once again, putting his hands on the small of your back to pull you as close as he can to the passenger’s side. This kiss is less intense than the first one, but so much more intimate - your lips move in a graceful dance, savouring each other's perfume, taste and the feelings that the kiss surfaced.

“Darling,” Geto purrs against your lips, forehead resting on yours and noses touching. “You should let me take you out to dinner first,”

“You need to ask me to dinner first then,” you whisper, lips brushing against his.

“I’m asking you now,” He says. “Let’s have dinner outside tonight, just the two of us. What do you think?”

“I’d love that,” you whisper before planting another peck on his lips then separating. You pat your thighs, getting ready to drive back to Jujutsu Tech. You can feel the change in the stale air of the car, but it’s a good change. Geto takes your phone to send the tiktoks to himself, grinning like an idiot. You like Suguru just a bit too much, and you hope that he likes you a bit too much too. But there are still things to figure out, and you don’t want to worry about that yet. 

The two of you are awfully cheery on the drive back, and it doesn’t go unnoticed by your friends. They don’t question you, yet. You’re getting ready, dressed in a lovely shade of red and applying a lipstick to match when a loud shriek deafens you. Getting out of the bathroom, you see Shoko and Satoru sitting on either beds of the room, a hastily dressed Suguru rushing in, trying to snatch away the phone in Satoru’s hand, veins popping out on his forehead.

“Give me back my phone!” Geto yells, lunging at Satoru. 

A/N: Man's so pretty I wanna kiss him stupid

[badkitty3000]

Five's Audition Tape

So, here's another one-shot I wrote a little while ago that I originally never intended on posting. But as I try and work on some new things, I figured I'd put this out there. It's another sweet, funny, sexy glimpse into the life of Five and his wife Vivian from my original series Halo. If you enjoy this one, you might like my full one-shot series of my two favorite horny lovebirds.

Summary: Vivian catches Five singing in the shower and secretly records the evidence. When she's caught, she tries to hide from him, which ends in some major rearranging of their kitchen pantry. What she doesn't know, though, is that their little closet bang is not the private moment they intended.

Five x Female OC, 4,179 words, one-shot

Warnings: Smut, Closet sex

Five thought it was a safe space. He thought he was alone. Alone and free to sing loudly and unabashedly in the shower without fear of judgment. He was very, very wrong. Because if there was one thing his wife lived for, it was catching him doing something stupid and using it for her own, personal gain.

No one would ever have thought in a million years that Number Five Hargreeves not only knows the lyrics to Shaggy’s 2000 hit Angel, but also secretly loves it and sings it at the top of his lungs when no one else is around. No one would have thought he’d do the accent when he sang it, either. But yet, there he was, scrubbing his hair behind the safety of the shower door, and singing lines like:

 Looking back Shorty always a mention

Said me not giving her much attention

She was there through my incarceration

I wanna show the nation my appreciation

Unfortunately for Five, he was not alone in the house like he thought he was. Vivian just happened to get home from work early and had come upstairs to change when she heard the speaker in the bathroom blasting out the Reggae-heavy song, accompanied by her husband’s very bad Jamaican accent.

She froze in place outside of the bathroom door, one hand on the doorknob and the other over her mouth to suppress her glee. She didn’t even know what to do first, she was so excited. Should she barge in and surprise him, scaring him and embarrassing him at the same time? Should she keep it to herself as ammo for the next time he annoys her? Or should she sneak in, record an audio clip on her phone, and send it out to his entire family? The choice was obvious.

With her phone in hand, Viv slowly and as quietly as possible turned the doorknob and pushed the door open. The music was playing loud enough that he shouldn’t have been able to hear her enter, and he couldn’t see through the frosted glass of the shower door. Still, she crept in on tiptoes, her phone already recording his secret bathroom concert. As she bit her lip to stifle the laughter that threatened to peal out of her at any second, Five continued to sing about his darling angel being closer to him than his peeps.

After she had recorded several seconds of it, she turned around to sneak back out the door. As she turned, though, her sleeve caught on a bottle of lotion next to the sink, tipping it over with a loud thump. Viv froze in place and Five immediately stopped singing. There was a brief pause of silence, and then the shower door flew open with a bang, revealing Five standing there with a deep frown of confusion on his face. Their eyes locked for a second before he looked down to the phone in her hand and then back up at her face. Viv broke into a grin. Then she made a run for it.

Normally, this would be a futile effort, since no matter how fast or far she tried to get away from Five, he always popped up in a blue flash, cutting her off from her escape with a cocky smile. But she had caught him off guard this time, and when she sprinted out of the bathroom, she slammed the door behind her so that he didn’t get a good look where she went running off to. By the time Five got his wits about him and grabbed a towel to wrap around his waist, she was long gone. Hidden somewhere in the house.

As Five began blinking randomly around the house, disappearing and reappearing in different rooms and closets, he smiled to himself. He was well trained in the art of tracking and hunting another human, but this was a very different game of cat and mouse they were playing. And he was most definitely going to be preying on this particular little mouse when he eventually caught up with her. Five stopped when he blinked into the living room. He pushed a hand through his wet hair and ran his tongue over his teeth with a smile.

“You know I’m going to find you, Vivie,” he called out. “You are a terrible hider and you can’t walk more than two feet without stepping on something or knocking something over.” He stopped and listened, but the house remained silent. “Brat,” he muttered to himself with a laugh.

He continued his blink-and-seek game, teleporting everywhere he could think of that she may have gone. He even blinked up to the attic, which he knew she couldn’t have easily gotten to, and almost bashed his head on the low rafters. She actually had him stumped for a minute, until he appeared in the kitchen and heard a noise. It was quiet, but he’d definitely noticed it. It was a crunching sound, like the sound of gravel beneath a shoe. Five smirked as he honed in on the location of the noise. In one perfectly calculated blink, he rematerialized inside the food pantry closet.

“Gotcha,” he declared just as Viv shrieked and took a step back, her back hitting the shelf behind her and knocking over another packet of crackers that had given her away in the first place. Five was right, she was a bad hider.

Five held her by her upper arms, a devious grin spreading across his face in the dim light, and squeezed his grip tighter. Viv was breathing hard from running and from being startled, but she laughed breathily.

“Hi, honey,” she said sweetly. “How was your shower?”

“It was very nice until I was rudely interrupted. Now tell me, my love, what were you doing with your phone?” Five glanced over at the shelf where Viv had set the phone, the screen still lit up with the family group chat ready to go. His green eyes flitted back to her face as she tried not to laugh again. “Oh, you think this is funny?”

“Do I think walking in on my elderly-but-not-really, ex-assassin, hard-ass, time-traveling husband singing a 2000’s Reggae/rap song in a fake Jamaican accent is funny and I need his entire family to hear it?” She beamed up at him with fluttering eyelashes. “Yes. Yes, I do.”

Five sighed loudly, tilting his head back before meeting her eyes again with a pitying look. “You know what’s going to happen now, don’t you, angel?”

Viv’s nervous swallow was audible in the small space they occupied. “You’re going to blink us both out of this closet and you’ll forget all about it?”

Five closed in on her, his half-naked body still damp with beads of water from the shower, his hair falling in pieces onto his forehead. He leaned in until his mouth was next to her ear, rubbing his cheek against hers.

“Wrong,” he whispered darkly.

He pressed up against her, pushing her harder against the shelves, the towel around his waist doing nothing to disguise his rapidly hardening erection. He moved his hands down to her wrists and held them tightly as he breathed hard against her neck. Viv could feel his damp hair tickling her face; his chest flush with hers.

“I do love it when you misbehave like this. It really gets me going.”

“Five,” Viv weakly protested, letting out a small laugh. “We’re in the kitchen pantry and our son is going to be home very soon. I’m not going to…”

She was cut off by Five’s thigh that he shoved between her legs, as well as the sharp nip he gave her neck as his hands tightened on her wrists.

“You’ll do what I tell you to do,” he hissed. “And right now I’m telling you to turn around and get that skirt up.”

It was dark in the closet, but enough light was coming in from around the door to illuminate Viv’s face so that Five could see the flicker of a smile cross her lips and that look in her eye that meant she liked what she heard. After years of marriage, he could read her like a book. And even if he couldn’t, the rapid change to her breathing would be a big hint.

She looked him in the eyes and whispered. “Let go of my wrists, then.”

Five let his grip on her go and Viv slowly turned around, just like he told her to; her ass brushing against him in the process because of the close quarters. She reached down and hiked up the hem of her pencil skirt, pulling it all the way up to her waist before grabbing onto the wire shelves containing their household dry goods with two hands. She pushed back against him as he let out a dark chuckle.

“Sometimes I think you do things just so you can be punished.”

With a firm tug on her hips, Five pulled her back, the large tent of his towel pressing harder against her backside. Viv’s hands tightened onto the shelves as she felt the towel drop to the floor and Five’s fully erect cock sprang to attention before rubbing between her ass cheeks and the thin material of her panties. His mouth was on her neck, hard and rough, as he started to mark the space next to her shoulder with his teeth. He let out a groaning sigh as he moved to another spot to do the same thing.

“What do you think, bad girl…” he mused quietly as his lips traveled to a new, unmarred area of her neck. “Are you wet enough for me yet?”

Five’s hand found its way around to her front, his long fingers creeping into the side of her panties and sliding up through her silken folds. He paused to bite down on the other side of her neck as a loud gasp caught in her throat. He continued his exploration, spreading her slick over her entire swollen heat, ending at her clit and expertly massaging it. Viv rocked her hips back and forth, wanting more pressure from his hand in front and his cock from behind.

“I’ll take that as a yes,” Five smirked as she whimpered sweetly for him.

He considered his options of pushing her underwear to the side or removing them completely. He liked the idea of sliding inside of her while she was still fully clothed. But he also wanted as much access as he could get, so he removed his hand and shoved them down her hips so that they dropped to the ground around her feet. Viv automatically stepped out of them, her heels tapping on the floor as she readjusted and spread her legs apart.

Five wrapped his arm around her waist, pulling her in tightly while using his other hand to position himself against her entrance, pushing inside of her with one thrust. The low growl he let out mixed with her moans as he bent her over as far as possible in the small space.

“That’s…oh yeah…that’s good,” Viv whined, hanging her head down and closing her eyes.

“I don’t want to hurt you, darling, but I need to fuck you hard,” Five warned, his voice tight with restraint.

Viv nodded eagerly. “I’ll let you know if it’s too much.”

He didn’t say anything else, just started pounding into her. Viv clutched onto the shelves tighter, Five’s hands wrapping around hers and squeezing them hard to steady himself as he nailed his wife from behind. The shelves began to shake and squeak loudly with the activity, the items on top of them shifting and falling over.

“Fi-ive…f-uu-ck…”

“Too much?” Five rasped between gritted teeth, continuing to drive his dick deeper and harder inside.

“Nooo…” Viv moaned. “No…keep going…more…”

“That’s my girl.”

Five’s grip tightened even more as he concentrated on giving her the fuck of her life. The added intensity shook the shelving unit harder; boxes of pasta and cereal, containers of rice, cookies, and crackers falling over and spilling onto the ground. Viv narrowly missed getting hit by a can of soup that rolled off the top shelf and loose Froot Loops were being crushed into brightly colored powder beneath Five’s bare feet.

“I. Love. You. So. Goddamn. Much.” Five was grunting with each thrust, his hips slapping against her ass while she made little whimpering noises, biting at her lips. “Even when you’re an evil little brat.”

Five…Five…I need…” she was gasping, trying to suck in air and talk at the same time.

“What, baby…tell me.”

“I need my hand,” Viv pleaded, trying to free her hand from under his.

Five let go of his right hand so she could release her own before grabbing back on again for leverage. Viv’s hand dropped down between her legs to finger herself while she was being railed as hard as possible.

“Vivie…” Five grated out, his voice hoarse. “I can’t keep…fuck, you feel so good!”

With Five’s amazing cock slamming viciously inside her and aided by her own fingers, Viv’s orgasm rippled through her body, her muscles contracting as she tried to hold back the loud screams that threatened to erupt out of her.

“Fuck!” Five yelled, clearly not concerned with his volume level, despite the fact that they may not have been alone in the house, or in a private area.

His own climax seemed to last forever as he pressed hard against her, pushing her against the shelves until her body was being crushed. The adrenaline from the intense finish masked the pain Viv normally would have felt if her chest was being smashed into the blunt edge of a pantry shelf. With their bodies starting to relax and their breathing still loud and gasping, Viv brought her arm up and rested her head on her forearm as she closed her eyes and sighed happily.

Five held her to him for a little longer, before slipping out of her and kissing the back of her neck. After a few more heaving breaths, Five moved aside so that Viv could straighten up and pull her skirt down.

“Now hand over the evidence,” Five panted, holding his hand out, palm up.

Viv had almost forgotten what landed them in the closet in the first place, and she glanced around. She saw the glowing light of her phone that had fallen onto the floor, along with all the food items. With a short laugh, she dove for it before Five could get at it.

“No chance in hell,” she smirked.

“Vivie…I swear to god if you send that to my—”

At that moment, from one of the upper shelves, an opened bag of flour tipped on its side and came crashing down, creating a giant plume of white dust that settled over everything and everyone in the tiny closet. They both cried out in horror.

As they stood there, covered head to toe in flour, with pulverized food debris and questionable other things on the floor, they blinked at one another in stunned silence. Viv was the first to start, beginning with a quiet snort that quickly devolved into her doubling over with laughter, then coughing from inhaling flour dust. As she tried to both laugh and cough at the same time, Five started in with a low chuckle while shaking his head like a dog to free the thick layer of white powder from his dark hair.

Just then, they both heard a noise from outside the pantry door. It was the sound of footsteps getting closer, followed by the voice of their son singing along quietly to some song that was playing on the noise-canceling headphones he seemed to wear at all hours of the day and night. As it turned out, this was a good thing, because neither one of them were entirely sure how loud they had been or how long he had been home. And even if they had kept their own noises to a minimum, the sound of crashing dry goods all around them should have been loud enough.

Viv’s eyes widened, knowing their teenage son was bound to be headed to the closet that housed all of the snacks. She looked up at Five, who read her mind and quickly grabbed her arm before blinking them out of there and into their bathroom upstairs.

As James headed in the direction of the sugary treats he was craving, he noticed the unmistakable flash of blue light coming from behind the closed door of the pantry. There were only two people in the house that could have made that particular color of light and he was one of them. He frowned before continuing closer. He took the headphones off and left them hanging around his neck.

“Dad?” he called, confused as to why in the hell his father would be inside a closed kitchen pantry. “What are you…”

James opened the door and stared inside. He wasn’t sure how a tornado could have ripped through one tiny closet while sparing the rest of the home, but that’s what it looked like. A dense cloud of flour still hung in the air and he waved his hand in front of his face and coughed. It was empty of any people, but it was certainly filled with a giant mess.

Boxes, cans, and plastic containers that once stored various food items were knocked over and either lying on their sides or upside down. Dried pasta and beans were mixed with a million grains of rice scattered into every crack and crevice of the floor. When he looked down and saw the remains of his favorite cereal which was now nothing but a bright pink and blue powder, he groaned sadly.

“No! Not my Froot Loops!”

Then he realized what else he was looking at. There, on the floor in a heap, and covered in a thick layer of white flour, was a wet bathroom towel and a pair of women’s underwear. James’ face fell and he couldn’t decide whether to scream or vomit. He clenched his teeth together and balled up his fists, unintentionally mimicking his dad.

“Seriously? In the food?” he grumbled out loud to himself. Then he threw his head back and yelled in the general direction of the upper floor, where he now knew his parents had escaped to. “You guys owe me a box of Froot Loops! And stop being so gross! People eat in here!”

There was no answer, but he sighed angrily and stuck his headphones back on, blinking himself one of the last bags of chips that were still intact before stalking back to his bedroom.

“And they wonder why I don’t want my friends to come over. Maybe because my parents are the two most disgusting people on the planet,” he muttered to himself while shoving a handful of Doritos into his mouth. “This family is so fucking embarrassing.”

Five had managed to blink himself and Vivian into their bathroom upstairs, which was now also covered in flour. Still stifling their laughs, they rinsed off in the shower, trying their best not to make a paste out of the mixture of water and flour in their hair. After cleaning up and toweling off, Viv was squeezing out the water from her hair when Five remembered something.

“Hey, where’s your phone? You still need to delete that shit off there.”

Viv eyed her phone on the bathroom counter and quickly grabbed it, clutching it to her chest. “No way, I’m not deleting that. That’s pure gold!”

“Vivian…” Five started in a threatening manner.

She smiled. “I promise I won’t do anything with it unless you piss me off or I need blackmail for something. Besides, it’s adorable.”

Five huffed. “Shut up.”

“Don’t tell me to shut up. You wouldn’t want to make me mad now, would you? There’s no telling what I might do…” She playfully held up her phone, pretending she was going to send something to the family group chat that had already been opened before their closet fucking had started.

Five frowned. “Why is the text thread blowing up?”

Viv turned the screen toward her and saw that new messages were flying in, one after another, all from Five’s siblings.

Diego: Holy shit, I almost crashed the fucking car

Luther: What the hell? 🤯

Lila: Oh god, I just threw up in my mouth

Luther: This was so much worse than walking in on you

Diego: Seriously, what is wrong with you two?

Viktor: I need to wash my ears out. With bleach

Klaus: Hey, what are we talking about?

Luther: I cannot express to you how much I never want to hear that again

Lila: Vivian, I have lost all respect for you

Klaus: Seriously, what’s going on? I accidentally left my phone on the bus for 5 hours and I just got it back. Eww, it’s sticky

Viktor: Please lose my number

Sloane: Really…that was pretty bad you guys

Diego: You are no longer invited to family game night

Lila: I hate you both

Klaus: Oh hey, there’s an audio message on here!

Luther: There is a child living in your home. Did you think about that? No, you only think of yourselves

Sloane: I’m sure he wasn’t home

Lila: I bet he was. Poor thing. I’m calling social services

Viktor: She’s just kidding, guys, no one is calling social services. But still…gross

Diego: The worst part is that I had just picked up some Thai food. Can’t eat now. Thanks a lot

Klaus: 🤣🤣🤣💀💀💀

Klaus: Didn’t think I could die but I just did

Klaus: I’m keeping this for future use. Next time send a video, I need a visual for maximal effect 🍆✊💦

Luther: Klaus, you’re disgusting!

Diego: Don’t yell at him, he doesn’t know any better. The other two know that it’s wrong. So, so wrong

Lila: Did there have to be dialogue? Can’t you shut up for the two seconds it takes you to blow your load Five? I can’t unhear that

Viktor: This is now the top most traumatizing thing I’ve had happen in my life. Which says a lot

Luther: You two have some serious issues, you know that?

Klaus: Has anyone seen my red sparkly belt? I need it for tonight

Diego: Klaus, how can you ask that now? And no, no one has seen your stupid belt

Klaus: Oh, are we still talking about the Fivey Fuck Fest? I thought we moved on

Lila: I want out of this family

Sloane: If I have to be here, so do you

Luther: I think we need to establish some rules for this group chat

Diego: Who made you ruler of the group chat? But yeah, we do

Luther: Rule #1: NO SEX IN ANY MEDIA FORMAT ON THE FAMILY TEXT THREAD

Luther: Everyone in agreement?

Diego: 🙋‍♂️

Lila: 🙋‍♀️

Viktor: 🙋‍♂️

Sloane: 🙋‍♀️

Klaus: 👎

Luther: Great, majority rules

Five stared at the phone, then back at Vivian, then back at the phone, his eyebrows crunched together.

“Did you…did we…”

Viv cringed. “I think so, yeah.”

Five pinched the bridge of his nose and closed his eyes to gather himself. “Let me get this straight. You just sent an audio message of us doing it, loudly, to my entire family?”

“It would appear so, yes.”

“Vivian!” he cried, throwing his hands in the air.

Viv pressed her lips together to keep from laughing. “It was an accident!”

“An accident that wouldn’t have happened if you didn’t think you were so fucking funny and recorded me singing in the shower!”

The giggles she had been holding back started to bubble out. “I’m sorry. But it’s a little funny, don’t you think?”

“Not really, no.”

“Oh.” Viv snorted back a laugh and then fixed her face in an attempt to look serious again. “At least it was a good performance by you. I mean, it could have been worse.”

Five narrowed his eyes. “What’s that supposed to mean? When is it not a good performance?”

“Oh my god, Five! You’re making a bigger deal out of this than it needs to be.” She looked down at her phone and started typing.

“What are you doing now?” Five asked.

“Trying to apologize…hang on…wait, why can’t I…oh those assholes!” she said, looking up at Five in shock.

“What?”

“They removed us from the group chat. What the fuck?”

Five stood there for a minute and then he started laughing. “Now, that actually is funny.”

Viv grinned. “Now I kind of want to do it again. Just to fuck with them.”

Five leaned in to kiss her. “I have no problems doing that again. But let’s keep the next session a little more private, shall we? And maybe with a little less involvement of unsecured baking ingredients.”

[slutforsturns]

𝖙𝖗𝖚𝖙𝖍 𝖔𝖗 𝖉𝖆𝖗𝖊 - 𝖒𝖆𝖙𝖙 𝖘𝖙𝖚𝖗𝖓𝖎𝖔𝖑𝖔

warnings: giving head, unprotected p in v, creampie, dirty talk, pet names (ma, baby, etc), whimper audio mentions, very light (literally like one sentence) masturbation, aftercare !!!

a/n: my first story on here 🤭 pls send requests I promise I'll do them! also tell me if u like the story!

MDNI !!!!

word count: 2.4k

mini playlist: dangerous woman by ariana grande, often by the weekend, shut up and listen by nicholas bonnin, bathroom by montell fish >3333

enjoy!

You were at a party with your friends, a girl hangout. 

You were all drunk and had decided to play truth or dare. 

Unfortunately, it was your turn. 

“Truth or dare,” One of your friends asked you. 

If you were your usual sober self, you would have said truth. 

But right now, you were dangerously drunk. 

“Dare” You say, giggling as you wait for your friends to tell you what you have to do. 

Your friend looks at the group, whispering something before she turns to you. 

“Your dare is to text the third man in your contacts and ask him for a whimper audio.” She says, laughing as she watches your eyes widen slightly. 

But instead of being a baby and not doing it, you open your phone and go to your contacts.

You gasp when you see who it is. Matt Sturniolo, your enemy. 

You had texted him a few days ago about something, probably to get on his nerves, but now, you were going to have to text him and request a whimper audio. 

Oh God. 

Your friends watched eagerly as you typed out ‘send me a whimper audio’. You knew your friends were waiting on you to send it so you decided against clarifying it was for a dare, for right now, at least. 

Your fingers shook as you hit send, immediately regretting your decision, even in your drunken state. 

Your friends squealed as it sent and almost immediately, you saw that he read it. 

You hit yourself in the head but just sigh and turn your phone off, continuing the game. 

—--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You arrived home an hour later, by Uber, and crashed into your apartment, making a beeline for your couch. 

Your head was pounding and you collapsed on the couch, breathing deeply. Your head felt like it was spinning on a merry-go-round and you could see fucking sounds and hear colors. 

You were close to passing out when a ding went off. You fumbled for your phone that was still in your pocket and opened it. It was a message from Matt. 

No, not a message. A voice note. It was just over two minutes long. You groan and think about the whimper audio dare. You were sure it was just two minutes of Matt asking what the hell was wrong with you and why the hell you would ask that. 

Even though you know it’s a bad idea, you still click on it. 

Immediately, you hear a soft moan. And then another one, and another one. 

And you think, just for a moment, in the background you can hear something else. 

Is that his-? You ask yourself. You shake your head and continue to listen. 

A loud moan erupts from your phone and heat shoots right to your core. You debate throwing your phone but instead take a deep breath. 

At about a minute in, you hear his voice. 

“F-fuck, Y/N, I’m about to cum thinking about you.” You hear Matt say softly. His voice sounds far off as his heavy breathing comes through your speakers. 

“This is what you do to me, Y/N.” You hear him whisper again. “I’m so fucking glad you asked for this, was wondering when you’d get my hints.” He laughed slightly, a groan following right after. 

You could hear his breathing speed up as his movements sounded faster through the phone. 

And you couldn’t help the way his words made you feel. Horny. Very fucking horny. 

You couldn’t control yourself as you started the voice note over and your hand sneakily made its way under your sweats and into your panties. 

You began to circle your clit and let out a moan that was almost in sync with Matt’s. “Oh fuck, “ You whimpered quickly before removing your hand from yourself. 

You quickly paused the audio and texted Matt. 

‘Please come over, I need you so bad.’ 

You hit send and waited eagerly for a response. You got one nearly immediately. 

‘Omw ma’

—

Ten minutes later, you hear a knock on your door.

All you’ve been doing is listening to the audio. Over and over and over. 

And trying not to touch yourself has been torture. But you knew it would be worth it when you heard those sounds in real life. 

You rush to the door and fling it open, mouth dropping when you see Matt. 

Black tank top, gray sweats hanging so low you could see the top of his Calvin Klein underwear, silver chain on his neck. You could almost drop to your knees right then and there. 

He smirked at you before sliding past you. You shut the door quickly and spun around to face him. 

“Send a whimper audio, hm?” He asked, slowly moving towards you. “What in the world made you ask me that? Because I know it wasn’t of your own doing, baby.” He pointed out, getting nearer. 

You began to back away from him until your back hit the front door. “It was a dare.” You respond, gulping. 

He smiled down at you as he stood above you. “Was it now?” 

You nod quickly and avert your eyes from his face but he puts his fingers under your chin and turns your face back to his. 

“Well, you got your whimper audio. So what do I get?” He asked you, quietly, dipping down to your ear. “Hm?” 

“I don’t know what you mean,” You admit. Matt just chuckles and starts peppering soft kisses along your jaw. 

“But Ma, I think you do. It’s not fair that I give you something and I get nothing in return. That’s not right, now is it?” He asks, licking a stripe up your neck. 

You shake your head dumbly, relishing in the feeling of Matt’s mouth on your neck. “Mhm no that’s not f-fair.” You say, slurring your words. 

“Yeah, so what do you think we should do about that, hm?” 

You just so happened to glance down between the two of you. You could see Matt’s hardened bulge in his sweats and dropped down to your knees. 

You gazed up at him and began to slowly draw his sweats down. You said nothing, just gazed at him through your long eyelashes. You could see his cock in his underwear, straining against the fabric, begging to be let free. 

“May I?” You asked him, your voice dripping with honey. He simply nodded quickly and you wasted no time pulling his underwear down and running your small hand along his length, 

Matt watched intently as you carefully licked a stripe up the underside of his length, your tongue running along a vein that had him throwing his head back, holding back a groan. 

You wrapped your lips around his tip, tasting his salty-sweet precum on your tongue. Matt let out a low groan, and feverishly watched as you took him in your mouth, inch by painstaking inch. 

“Fuck princess, please hurry up.” He almost begged, head falling forward. You smiled around his cock but took him until his tip touched the back of your throat. 

“Mhm yeah that’s it” He groaned, various curses spilling out of his mouth as you ran your tongue along the underside of his length. But Matt was still impatient, growing frustrated at your slow pace. 

He didn’t want to but his pleasure was so blinding that he could hardly think about the repercussions right now. He took your head and moved it back and forth on his dick. 

You let out a squeal around his dick but quickened your pace. Tears pricked at the edge of your vision and you gagged around Matt but it didn’t stop his hand from continuing to force his dick farther and farther down your throat. 

“Fuck baby, you’re absolutely loving my dick in your mouth, hm?” He forced out through gritted teeth. 

His words shot straight to your core and you could feel the wetness down there. You wanted to hurry up so he could go ahead and just fuck you. 

You began to play with his balls in your hand, earning a moan to erupt from Matt’s mouth along with another strained “Fuck Ma.”

You could feel his balls tighten and knew he was coming close to his finish. And you wanted to help him. 

You tried to fit his whole length in your mouth and managed to get most of it in. Then you began running your tongue all along his shaft. 

“Baby, you’re gonna swallow all my cum, okay?” He instructed. 

Spit came out of the sides of your mouth and your vision began to blur from your lack of air but you had to do this for Matt. It was only fair. 

He fucked your face roughly before finally letting out a loud groan and shooting thick spurts of cum straight down your throat. 

He pulled out quickly and you gulped down air, panting as tears forced themself out the edges of your eyes. 

You looked up at Matt who had regained his breath and gave him a small smile before wiping your mouth. 

Matt could feel himself hardening again from the sight beneath him. He needed to be inside of you, now.

He took you under your arms from where you sat on the floor and hoisted you up and over his shoulder. You let out a squeak but don’t try anything as he carries you to your bedroom. 

He takes you off of his shoulder and places you on the bed before immediately shedding his tank, throwing it somewhere on the floor. 

You took yours off quickly too, not wanting to waste any time. You wanted this, you needed this. 

Matt came over to you on the bed and started kissing you, not gently but roughly. His lips were urgent and yours fought back, a mess of teeth and tongue. 

His hands wandered to your bra and started unclipping it, throwing it when he finally got it off. He broke the kiss and leaned back to look at you, your breasts on display for him. 

“So fucking beautiful Ma” Matt said. 

You let out a soft whimper at his words, your nipples hardening to the point of pain. 

“You helped me so I help you, yeah? How about we get these leggings off?” He asked you and you nodded quickly, maybe too quickly but you were too blinded by your need for pleasure, especially if it came from him. 

He pulled the leggings off you and discarded them. You suddenly remembered that you were wearing lacy blue panties, which you just so happened to remember was Matt’s favorite color. 

“Did you wear these for me, baby?” He smirked. You whined, becoming needy for him to touch you. 

“Please Matt, I need you so bad.” You whined out, grasping for his hands to just go ahead and take your underwear off. He didn’t resist as you guided his hands to the waistband of your underwear and drew his hands down, dragging your underwear with it, until they slipped off your legs and into the bedding. 

He moved your legs open slightly, licking his lips when he saw how wet your cunt was, your wetness practically dripping down your slit. Matt simply couldn’t wait anymore, he needs you right now. 

He looked to you for consent as he lined his cock up with your entrance. You nodded and he sank into you immediately, groaning. You whined at the quick intrusion but Matt stopped for a moment to let you get adjusted to his size before he continued. 

He pulled out before thrusting into you at an agonizingly slow pace. You clawed at the bedsheets, practically begging him to just go faster, to fuck you into the mattress, to be rough, to hurry up. 

“Damn, you’re really needy, huh ma?” He commented, rolling his hips lazily. You whined again. “Faster, faster, please go faster Matt” You begged him, writhing with need under him. 

Then, in what seemed like almost a second, he quickly took you under your knees and raised you up before thrusting into you roughly. You moaned loudly, happy with the new pace. He quickly found a rhythm that had you screaming his name so loud people several floors down probably heard you. 

“So fucking tight, baby.” He grunted as he fucked into you. You squeezed around his cock, feeling your orgasm approaching. “Matt, M’ gonna-”

“Mhm yeah baby, gonna cum on my cock? Huh, you gonna cum on my fucking cock?” 

You nodded mindlessly, desperately grinding yourself on Matt’s cock in a feeble attempt to chase your high. Your tits bounce with the force of his thrusts, breathy moans erupting from your mouth every time he slams into you. He thrusted so hard into you that the headboard began to hit the wall but he couldn’t find it in himself to give a single fuck. 

You hold onto the sheets so tight, it feels like your fingers might go straight through them. You’ve never been fucked this hard and needless to say, you were fucking loving it. 

And then you felt it, that wonderful knot unraveling in your stomach, the intense pleasure that rippled through your body and caused your eyes to roll to the back of your head. You chanted Matt’s name over and over as you rode your high, so much it didn’t even sound like a real word anymore. 

As you came on Matt’s cock, your pussy gripped his cock in the perfect way and then, Matt was cumming too. It seemed like it wouldn’t stop as he shot his sperm into you, not stopping his assault on your pussy as he fucked his cum into you. 

“So fucking perfect, Ma. ‘Could fuck this pussy all night” Matt said. And then, he slumped over, exhausted but so fucking happy. 

You two stayed like that for a few minutes so you could both catch your breath. Then Matt pulled out and watched as his cum slowly poured out of you onto the bed. 

Your eyes fluttered gently as Matt wiped a piece of hair out of your face. He went to the bathroom and turned on the water, starting to make you a bath. Then he went back to you. “Come on, baby, let’s get you cleaned up.” He picked you up and carried you to the bathroom, helping you to use the toilet so you didn’t get a UTI. 

Then he carefully put you into the bathtub and cleaned you off, washing your body and hair, all the while you let him. He took extra care to wash the soap off and wrap you in a fluffy towel. He carried you back to the bed and took the sheets off and threw them in the wash before putting new ones on the bed. 

He laid down with you and cuddled. You wrapped your arms around his neck and muttered “I love yous” on his skin. 

----<333

[how-serene]

Darling, Baby

Pairing - Brahms Heelshire x Neutral!Reader

Summary - The art of slow dancing was foreign to Brahms, but he was eager to learn.

Word Count - 1k+

Warnings - fluff, maskless brahms, mentions of burn marks, no use of y/n

Brahms watched, enchanted by the movement from the TV screen. A shoddy black and white film played, muffled audio blaring through the speakers. A picture perfect couple, with dazzling smiles, tenderly held one another as they swayed to the music. The woman had her cheek pressed against the man’s shoulder, eyes closed in bliss as she hummed along the delicate strings of the violin. 

There was a time, Brahms recalled, when he would peer through doorways and cracks in the wall. When the night would envelope the house, his parents pretended for a moment that things were…different. He remembered how they would gently clutch onto one another, dancing to the soft melodies coming from the record player. As they would murmur quiet words of affection, softly chuckling to themselves. Envy would stir in his chest, before he promptly swallowed it down. 

But that was so long ago, and things were very different now. Your presence resided alongside his in the house, replacing the elderly couple, as if the house was stepping back in time. The old making way for the new. 

Brahms imagined your warm cheek pressed against his shoulder. Your hand trustingly placed in his as music formed a cocoon around your swaying forms. He peered over at you on the couch, where you were curled up with a book, a quilt thrown over your lap. But you could feel his stare, lingering on you, always. Watching, memorizing every twitch and gesture of yours. 

“What’s wrong?” you asked, glancing up at him. 

Brahm’s heart spiked, from the tiniest speck of attention. For a moment, all he could do was look at you, tracing over your features as if it were the first time all over again. You furrowed your brows, your grip tightening on the book. The mask remained expressionless, as usual, making it hard to read him. 

Silence had never seemed so loud before, until you met Brahms. 

He got up from his place on the floor, adjusting his blue cardigan as he approached you. You cautiously set the book down, biting down on your bottom lip. His rough hands reached for yours, pulling you up from the couch. 

“Brahms?” you questioned, following his lead as he guided you to the middle of the room. 

“Dance…with me,” he said, voice cracking. His viridescent eyes squinted at you, almost daring for you to argue with him. 

“I…,” you glanced over at the TV screen, noticing the two characters lovingly locked in an embrace. Brahms tilted his head, as you laughed to yourself. 

“Do you know how to slow dance, Brahms?” 

He shook his head, gleefully watching as a shy smile broke out on your face. 

“Okay - um,” you pursed your lips, thinking to yourself. 

You reached for his hand, bringing it to rest on your waist. Brahms could feel the warmth emanating from your skin, beneath his fingers. He stepped forward, allowing you to position his other arm. His heart thudded at the close proximity, as the fruity scent of your shampoo invaded his airways. 

“Try not to step on my feet,” you teased, placing your hand on his shoulder. 

He nodded, pressing you flat against him. Your fingers tightened on his shoulder at the sudden movement. Heat rose to your face, as you avoided his eager gaze. 

Music continued to play from the movie, echoing throughout the house. Brahms sighed, nuzzling his cheek against the side of your head. Although he could not feel you there, he imagined the scratch of your hair against the side of his face. He imagined his lips ghosting over the shell of your ear, leaving behind a faint trail of kisses till he met your jaw. A fantasy he had yet to indulge in. 

You gently swayed with him, the soft fabric of his cardigan pressed against your cheek. Old melodies, belonging to another time, enveloped you both. If anyone else were to see you, they would say you resembled the doting couple on the screen perfectly. Wrapped in one anothers embrace, completely deaf to the world around you. 

“You’re not a bad dancer, you know,” you said, gliding your palm up his back. 

He huffed, his chest rumbling as he chuckled. 

His fingers squeezed at your waist, an attempt to draw you closer. The space between you was limited though, and he found (sadly) that he couldn’t. 

At least not this way.

Brahms slowly reached up, fiddling with the ribbon that secured his porcelain mask in place. 

Desperation squeezed around his heart, a deep seeded need to feel you. The ribbon gave way, almost too easily – too quickly – as if it knew. With your eyes still closed, he shakily pulled the mask from his face, feeling air brush against his cheeks and eyelids. The mask fell to the floor with a quiet thump, capturing your attention as you lifted your head from his shoulder to look at him. 

Only to be met with a man, teetering on the edge of animalistic hunger. 

Brahms shuddered, as your eyes swept over the scarred, wrinkled burn marks masking one side of his face. Yet you didn’t look away, or gaze at him in horror. 

He sucked in a breath, inching closer as finally let his lips brush against your cheek. His unkept beard scraped along your skin. You sighed, curling your fingers around his sweater. His hands shook, as he reached up to caress the sides of your face. Brahms' shut his eyes as he at last kissed your sweet mouth. 

He couldn’t help but groan, as your lips molded with his. The kiss was sloppy, a failed attempt to restrain himself. His hands explored your body, grasping at your clothes, trying to clutch onto any inch of flesh he could feel. 

Brahms wanted to devour you, sink his teeth into your plush skin until blood bloomed in his mouth. The evidence of your existence would drip from his scarlet stained teeth, as the taste of you warmed his belly. Desire clawed at his belly, as he dug his fingernails into your flesh, forming shapes of crescent moons. 

You continued to fill Brahms senses, until all he knew was you.

[str4ngr]

honey [ keegan p. russ. ]

cw: suggestive, voyeurism, sex tape, masturabation, established relationship, fem! reader

requested by @thedoveesquire.

Spring cleaning, albeit summer, was more than necessary in your home. Especially since your husband had just returned, and to stay for quite a while, you really had no excuse to push off cleaning any longer.

You sighed as you finished up wiping down the bathroom tub, happily gazing at the sheen of cleanliness adorning the simple tile. Leaving the room, you realize your husband wasn’t where you had left him, repairing the hinges of his squeaky office door. The door moved with out sound, and you thanked Keegan under your breath, your eyes still fanning out to find the man. 

Behind you, the carpeted hallway led to soft sound beyond the familiar door of your bedroom. Your brows furrowed in confusions mind seeping with explanations as your lazy hips swayed in thought. Pressing your ear to the door, you listened with a strained ear as you tried to figure out the strange, quiet noises coming from a crackly speaker. 

Keegan was in awe. Complete and utter amazement as he stared at the video playing across his old laptop. His pants tightened like a vice as blood pumped away from his head, his mind completely engulfed in the video. 

An old one, one from the honeymoon phase after your wedding. Both of you fucked like bunnies for the following weeks after your ceremony, not as though that’s changed any. 

But, God, was it mesmerizing, watching the way his shaky camera-work captured your sweet skin, body spasming, audio muddled with the overwhelming moment of desire that thickened the air. Even with such amateur filming, you look divine; sweaty, naked, lear stained cheeks that led to lips puffy and red as your silky voice moaned his name like an angel. 

Peeking through the door that you thought innocently of, seeing your husband touching himself. Your panties began dampening, sticking to your flesh as your wide eyes watched the screen, enthralled by the way your bodies moved together in perfect them of lust. His volume was low, your straining ear focusing on his growling grunts as his hips slammed so perfectly into you. You swayed, imagining the same movements happening as if they weren’t on the screen. You breath was heavy.

So was Keegan’s. His struggled to keep himself together, biting into his lip to keep any noise from seeping past his lips. 

“Keegan…?” 

Your breathless voice, a low tone of lust bleeding from each word as your eyes met his, both filled with surprise. Keegan, being the bastard he was, grins, staring at you from where he was seated at his desk,

“Hey there, honey.” He sits up straighter, his pants not too fixed up from his previous moments. His eyes were dark with desire, gazing over your body, covered in skimpy pajamas as your cute thighs rubbed together, “come ‘ere.” 

You leaned against the door frame, mind spinning with possibilities as you gingerly approached him. You husband watched you, his hand not stopping its movement against himself. Flustered, almost shameful, you stand beside him, saliva building on your tongue as you stare at the screen, the video continuing to play. 

Keegan grinned, his resting hand slithering around your waste as he pulled you against his seat, lips pressing into your side,

“Wanna’ recreate this with me, honey?”

-ˋˏ✄┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈

thank you sm for the request <3

3 i'll also be writting a full fic for this but i'm a slow writer so... idk when its gonna come out lmao.

directory

[five-rivers]

Cracked Clay Cup Chapter 13

@greatbigolhampuckjustforme

.

“Okay,” said Danny rubbing his hands together.  “I’m going to do the big group next.”

“Group number four?”

“Yeah, them.  Why’re there three of them, anyway?”

“You’ll have to ask them that,” said Clockwork.  “Au jus?”

“Yes, please,” said Danny, reaching for the small bowl of sauce.  “Your sandwiches are always really good.”

“Thank you,” said Clockwork.  “Will you be leaving after lunch, then?”

“Yeah, I think that’ll be best.”  Danny sighed.  “No offense, but I’m kind of going a little bit stir-crazy, being inside all the time.  I didn’t really realize until Pandora said something, but she was right.”

“That’s quite reasonable,” said Clockwork.  “The trial has lasted for nearly a month and a half.”

“Really?  I think I’ve only been with each person for about a week, and there’ve only been four people.  Five, if you count the Observants.”

“Yes, but you’ve spent a good amount of time here as well.  Those in-between days add up.”

“Huh.  I guess so.”  Danny took a bite of his sandwich.  “I guess it sort of snuck up on me.  A month and a half…  So two weeks here.”

“Yes, but please chew with your mouth closed.”

“Oops,” said Danny, covering his mouth.  “Sorry.”

Clockwork nodded and patted Danny absently on the head before making a small sandwich for himself.  They ate together quietly.  

“Three of them, though,” said Danny.  “Are they all together, or something?”

“You will–”

“Have to meet them and find out.  I know, I know.  Should I brush my teeth first?”

Clockwork raised an eyebrow.  

“Yeah, you’re right,” said Danny.  “That’s probably too much effort.  But I should put in some effort, shouldn’t I?”  He nodded.  “Yeah.  Toothbrushing.  Toothbrush.  One minute.”

.

Danny had been in a lot of places over the last month and a half.  A cute little house, two mansions possessed by people with questionable understandings of humanity, a warren of ice caves, an ancient Greek palace, and, of course, Clockwork’s purple place.  He’d imagined a lot of others.  Like open skies, broad fields, mountains, islands… horrible mad science labs…

However, he hadn’t imagined a place like this.

“Um,” he said, looking around the… stage?  Rats' nests of cables were strewn about in every direction, and next to the curtains hunting trophies were hung.  Heads, horns, antlers… hair?  A tail?  Whatever, this was weird, and there didn’t seem to be anyone around.  “Hi?”  He stepped forward over a tangle of cables.  “Hello?  Anyone–”

“BEHOLD!  I, TECHNUS, MASTER OF ALL TECHNOLOGY–”

Danny leaped backwards, to hover over the seating area, startled by the ghost rising out of the cables.  The stage lights came on, spotlights centering on the ghost.  He had long white hair, green skin, sunglasses built into his face, and a tattered lab coat.  

Music blasted out of speakers, rock and roll, screaming guitars, thundering drums and cymbals.  A young, gray-skinned woman with fiery blue hair rose up from under the stage.  She held a guitar painted with blue and pink flames.  

“HEYA, BABYPOP!” she shouted into a microphone that appeared in a burst of fire.  “WELCOME HOME TO MAMA EMBER, YEAH!”

“Hey!” whined the first ghost.  “You said I could do the introductions!”

“I never said that.  You said that.  I was always going to do the intros.  You think I’m going to leave it to you, when you just drone on and on and on and on and–”

“As if you’re any better!”

“I come with a sound track, audio jack,” said Ember.  

“My god, you two are so loud, and you didn’t even bother to introduce me,” said a deep, slightly hollow voice.  Danny startled again, twisting to see a ghost completely covered with silvery armor.  

“I thought you didn’t care about introductions,” said Ember.  She played a quick few chords on her guitars, then continued to use her music to punctuate her words.  “Because big, bad, baddie, bad, hunky, hottie, hunter Skulker doesn’t need an introduction.”  She leaned forward over the guitar.  “His name speaks for him!”  She started laughing so hard she floated up off the stage.  Music continued to blare from the speakers.  

“I, TECHNUS, MASTER OF ALL TECHNOLOGY, CAN TAKE YOUR SO-CALLED MUSIC OFF THE AIR!”

“We’re not even on the air!”

“I can’t believe I’m associated with these two idiots,” said Skulker.  

“I’d like to know how you’re associated with me,” said Danny, trying to smooth down his fur.  

“Isn’t it obvious, babypop?” asked Ember.  “We’re you’re parents!  Yeah!”  

“Uh,” said Danny, looking at the very strange trio.  “I don’t know about the other two, but aren’t you a little… young for that?”  She couldn’t be all that much older than Jazz.  

“I’m dead, kiddo.  Son.  Boy.  Little man.  I was a teen mom and all that.  Totally radical rockstar living.”

“With, um,” said Danny.  His eyes slid back and forth between Ember and Skulker.

“Skulker, duh,” said Ember.  “Techy here is Skulker’s boyfriend or whatever.”

“It’s not whatever.  I am his trusted–”

“Yeah, whatever.”

“We’re all dating, except when we’re broken up,” said Skulker, bored.

“Okay,” said Danny.  “So… you’re both…”  He shrugged at them.  

“What does this–” Technus also shrugged, “--mean?”

“I don’t know,” said Danny.  “You tell me.”

“Hm, the amnesia did not do favors for his intelligence!  I liked him much better before!  Do you want to see the lab?”

“The lab?” repeated Danny, backing away from Technus a little more.  

“It really didn’t help your intelligence.  Sad!  Perhaps some electroshock therapy might help?”

“Hey!” said Ember, kicking Technus’s tail.  “What did we say about electrocuting the flesh baby?  What did that narc say?  The tall purple one?”

“I know you know that Clockwork isn’t a narc,” said Skulker.  

The three of them started to bicker.  Danny watched in mixed fascination and horror.  

White hair on Technus.  Green eyes on Skulker and Ember.  Human-like appearances.  A mad science lab.  Jazz’s belief that Danny would buy the absurdly youthful mother story.  Frostbite’s conviction that his parents were abusive.  Heck, Danny could even see them meeting Vlad in college, if he fudged the ages a little.  He didn’t have any idea how old Vlad was, after all.  

Were these his actual parents?  Like, his actual, biological parents?

“Anyway, babypop,” said Ember, throwing a hand around Danny’s shoulder, “we heard about your predicament through the grapevine–”

“Through the grapevine?  Weren’t you just saying you were my mother?”

“Yeah, but I was on tour, Skulker was hunting, and Technus was… Being Technus.  We were, like, estranged.  Separated.  Because of the whole alive thing.  Fell out of touch.”  She waved a lazy hand.  “Anyway, we heard about the Observants putting you through hell, and we were like, that’s not cool.  So, we put our names in the hat, all that stuff, babypop, ‘cause we love you, y’know?  And we’re going to have so much fun.  I’ll turn you into a proper rocker yet.  You’ve got a great set of pipes, kid, and you’ve got to use that.”

“But first!” shouted Technus, at only a slightly lower volume than before.  “The GRAND TOUR!”

Danny took back that thought about the volume being lower.  

“TO THE LAB!”

Danny cringed away from Technus.  This was going to be a pain.  

.

“Okay,” said Danny, floating a few feet over the floor to avoid the wires.  “We’ve seen the stage, the sound room, the… conservatory?”

“Never say that I don’t have taste, babypop.  You’ve got to have a good piano in a house.”

“Yeah, then workshop, and the server room, and the lab.”  Which had, frankly, been horrifying.  Just a massive mess of electronics.  The sense of electricity in the room made his hair all stand on end.  “And the weapon room.  Then the… hunting.  Place.  And.  Um.  Zoo.”  Which was also horrifying, but for different reasons.

“Yes,” said Skulker, “our space may be limited, but you will soon know the joy of the hunt.”

“... right,” said Danny.  “But, like, is there a… kitchen?”

“Kitchen?” asked Ember, blankly.  

“We don’t,” said Skulker.  

“We mostly order out, when the great hunter here can’t catch anything!”

“Can anyone… get in to order out?”

Ember, Skulker, and Technus stared at each other.  

“Crap,” said Ember, finally.  “Crap.”

“What?” said Technus.  “It’s not like we have to eat.”

“I kind of do.”

“No, you don’t.”

“I do.  Everyone else has been feeding me.”

“Yeah, no, we’re ghosts, even you,” said Technus.  “We don’t need to eat.”

“I can kill off some of the game I’ve already caught,” said Skulker, “if we really need to.  I’d like you to hunt for them, though.  A little extra incentive!”

“Right.  Sure.  Whatever.  Bedroom?” asked Danny.

“We don’t need to sleep, either,” said Technus.  

Fine.  Danny wasn’t touching that.  “Bathroom?” he tried.

“Gross,” said Ember.  “Who’s spending their afterlife peeing?”

“Uh.  Me?”

“Ew.  You’ve got to quit that.”

Danny didn’t think that was a thing he could actually quit.  He made a face.  “You’re not actually my parents, are you?”

“Of course we are,” said Skulker, mechanically.  

“Okay, well, that right there, that’s a lie,” said Danny.  “That’s definitely a lie.”

“It’s not,” said Technus, stridently. 

“Look, maybe some fighting would knock him out of his funk,” said Skulker.  “Knock him right out.”

“Yeah, some of that misplaced aggression kind of thing he’s always on about,” said Ember.  

Danny had no idea what he was talking about.  “You guys do know that if I can’t have a place to go to the bathroom, I’m going to leave, right?”

“Maybe even a good hunt,” said Skulker.  “For old times’ sake.  Give him a good chase, get rid of some of that anxiety.”

Danny really hoped he wasn’t related to these three.  He grabbed the pocketwatch.  

“Wait, ghost child!” 

“Okay, yeah, that’s not something you call your kids,” said Danny, pointing at Technus.  

“Oh, yeah, yeah, you caught us,” said Technus.  “Real sharp of you, ghost child!  Real sharp and groovy.”

“Oh my god, you don’t know what any of those words mean,” said Ember.  “Stop using them.”

“BUT!” shrieked Technus.  “What you don’t know is that we’re your RIVALS!”

Danny grimaced.  “What?”

“We fought you, like, a bunch of times,” said Ember. 

“And… now you want to adopt me?”

“Better us than some of the nutjobs that want you.  We’d just let you do your own thing, hang out, fight a bit when you get touchy about your stupid city, or too wound up about school, all that stuff.”

“But we’d NEVER make you go to SCHOOL!” said Technus.  “I could teach you in the lab!”

“Wow, that’s, uh.  Touching,” said Danny.  “But the bathroom thing is, in this case, a dealbreaker.”

“Aw, come on,” said Ember.  “At least have a good fight with us, first.  Skulker’s been practically moping since you’ve been out of commission.”

“My latest hunts have been… flavorless,” said Skulker.  Danny sighed.  “Fine.  But I’m going right after.”

[dumbdomb]

Read my pinned post BEFORE you interact: like, reblog, reply, dm, ask, or follow. Must be over eighteen years of age to interact. 18+ only. You do not have my consent to "Like" this post without reading my pinned first. MDNI.

DNI: no/maps, loli, icky kink, "icky" blogs, unspecified "hard" kinks, unspecified "gross" kinks, unspecified "taboo" kinks, unspecified "dark" kinks, ddlg (specifically, doesn't apply to all cgl), older men / younger women, incest, forced fem, detrans kink, misgendering, misogyny, matriarchy, patriarchy, race fetish, fat fetish, feeder, gainer kink, dyke breaking, corrective rape, tradwifery, cucking, infidelity, cheating, hot wife, trophy wife or husband, cucking, pregnancy, alphas, sigmas, femcels, beastiality, zoophilia, allocishet "straight people" kinks and any conservative ideals romanticized or fetishized in kink play or in vanilla romantic and sexual relationships.

allowing me to stay over in your guest room which has, unbeknownst to me, been created into a fully inescapable- yet seemingly safe and normal bedroom. it's true purpose has always been to be the dungeon you'd keep me in so you could prove your loyal devotion to me.

the first night you focus on making sure i'm comfortable and at ease. hidden cameras detail my sleeping schedule and you're prepared for the next phase. we spend some time together during the second day, but mostly you're preparing for something special that evening... at night, once i've fallen asleep, you begin.

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dimly lit monitors power on to display obscenely pornographic content, hidden speakers play binaural and hypnotic audio, and soon i am surrounded by a barrage of subliminal ideas designed to coerce me into becoming more deviant. the moment i stir awake, everything is shut off automatically. i've no idea what is going on, but my head feels fuzzy.

during the day, i seem a bit out of it, but otherwise don't notice anything unusual. like a vacation, i finally begin to relax after a few days. on the fifth night, you continue this nightly programming and increase the volume and lighting just so. when i wake, i catch a glimpse of my surroundings that immediately fall silent and i question whether i saw anything.

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in the morning i notice some of the clothes i don't wear often have been replaced with similar, yet more revealing styles. i angrily question you about going through my belongings and you act so unaware, surprised, and frightened that someone may have broken into your house that i actually believe you. i help you get new locks and install security cameras to watch over all entrances and windows. i ask you to stay in the room with me that night, and you make a bed on the floor next to mine. nothing more happens, a few uneventful days pass...

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i suggest you move back to your own room, feeling silly for being scared, you only continue to build my trust in you by comforting me and making me feel safe. everything will change soon enough, bc while i visit a friend during the day, your plans to move into the third phase begin.

all my clothes are replaced with very revealing styles, except for my usual pajamas that i lay out each day. i don't see you when i get back, but figure you're out or taking a nap. i don't know you've changed anything yet, keeping to my new routines in your home. by the time we usually have dinner together, you join me a bit later than usual. and when i retire to bed, it's all so mundane.

READ MY PINNED before you interact! 18+ only.

while i sleep, you turn on the programs. they increase as i squirm in bed, getting louder and more visible. this time, when i wake up, everything stays on as i look around startled and confused. i try to use the remote to turn off the tv, but nothing i do works. i decide to leave the room, scared to stay inside with all the overwhelming perversion around me. when i try to open the door, it's locked. the windows appear to be locked from the outside... i yell out for help, not wanting to believe the situation i'm in, and the obscene volume increases. the more i yell, the louder it gets, until my screams are nearly indistinguishable from the loud moans and cries of pain and pleasure. i go back to bed and cover my head, trying to make it all stop and i somehow manage to fall asleep again.

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in the morning, i wake up like normal. as if it were all just a horribly bad dream. i go take a shower and when i look for something to wear, all my clothes are gone. i'm in a towel, my used pajamas already added to the laundry bin in the other room, and all the clothes i have to wear are not mine. i go to leave the room and the door is locked, just like in my dream. i hear you yell out that breakfast will be ready soon, and i should hurry up so it doesn't get cold. how can you be so normal when something strange is going on here? i find the most "comfortable" outfit i can to make do, and after getting dressed the door is unlocked, like i was never locked in to begin with... i felt so confused and wanted to tell you, but i also felt overcome with shame. was it just my mind playing tricks on me?!? ♡

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[hutchlover69420]

Glitchy Rorke au

as the game got older and older, Activision leaving it unfinished and discontinued. Most of the characters stayed the same... most...

While some of the characters kept with their programmed actions and styles... Rorke changed, a lot.

Its first noticeable when the audio had sudden cut out- only for seconds at a time, making it unable to hear and understand if you're not reading the captions.

"You're right Eli-.......I'm the man who sends them back to the other side"....

later in the campaign his character model with start to move and act weird, sometimes even disappearing for seconds and then coming back, also making the audio cut out, leaving an unnerving feeling of silence when the character was supposed to be talking, sometimes disappearing for long enough the characters go on with their voice line while... nothing is there.

"you boys sure know-..."........ "Shut up!"

After the initial pause and disappearances, your game will become laggy and slow, making getting to the end harder, like it was trying to stop you from... something.

After a while, his character model will start to glitch while his voice is more distorted and doesn't really sound like him, his movements before more stiff

"why- ask- ... Ajax-"...

toward the middle of the game, he doesn't speak any ore, it's just horrible computer glitching noises as his character model freaks out

(66) Robotic Glitch Sound Effects - YouTube

a little something like this

eventually he can spit out some words but it doesn't really work

"You would have been a hell of a g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g" and then it cuts back the god-awful computer noises as the character model deforms itself, pixels taking up most of his body, full of the stuck, dark pixels as your console can hardly take it and starts to overheat itself. Black, stuck pixels start to take over your screen as you can hardly see any of the other characters, there are distorted, mumbled sounds of the campaign in the back but its glitchy. What is shown is blurry and smudged as the speakers emit a high pitch screaming noise as the glitching noises continue. Voices are no longer audible.

he has started to infect the other characters. watch them suffer as he did his limbs get freakishy longer

the blue and red overtakes the other characters until they're just silhouettes.

The game shuts off momentarily, displaying an "error" it tells you it will "be back momentarily" the text is glitchy and blury and a little hard to read

it takes 20 minutes.

once it loads back up, it's the end. With Rorke all in your face when it pauses and he stares at the screen without saying anything, but it's not a glitch, the background keeps moving as his glitchy eyes bore into the players soul, nor angry or happy, but confused. confused why you're still here, why are you still playing, most would have turned off the consol and returned the game to the seller or store. but no, you still watch as the game screams and breaks your consol. He hasn't moved, there is no dialog, he just stares, his breathing faint, he blinks every so often.

then the credit's role. but its off... it must be a pirated version. A creepypasta of sorts to scare players...

the cd ejects....

you should talk to the seller.

[rottenpumpkin13]

*playing Mariah Carrey music*

SOLDIER Vlogmas #3

[The video starts with the camera being held by Sephiroth at an awkward angle. He has a black Santa hat and looks serious as he strides down the hallway with a Bluetooth speaker in hand]

"Zack has been playing All I Want For Christmas Is You for seven days straight. Genesis is on the verge of having a nervous breakdown. Today we'll see if we can crack him."

[He places it strategically outside the office door, then films himself giving an awkward thumbs up at the camera before standing back and filming the door]

[The song begins playing, echoing throughout the hallway]

[Suddenly the office door swings open. Genesis storms out with a baseball bat and fury in his bloodshot eyes]

"And now we must run," Sephiroth says.

[Genesis takes a swing at Sephiroth, who ducks just in time and makes a run for it. The video blurs as the camera shakes. Sephiroth is running while avoiding Genesis' every swing]

"Allow the Christmas Spirit to enter you, Genesis!" Sephiroth yells.

"TAKE THE CHRISTMAS SPIRIT AND SHOVE IT RIGHT UP YOUR—"

[The audio cuts out as the camera falls to the ground in a blur of motion. The distant sound of Mariah Carey's holiday anthem and the continued chaos in the background persists]

[The video ends]

[cloveswifey]

Laser Tag

Parings: JJ Maybank x Fem!Reader

Type: Fluff

Words: 1.2k

The Pouges were all gathered in the chateau, discussing who would win their game of laser tag. They were all excited to play, but they were also competitive and each of them thought they had what it takes to win.

Their school had announced a trip of laser tag and who were the Pouges to unattended.

Y/n was the first to speak up. "Alright, who do you guys think is going to win this thing?"

John b chuckled. "Obviously, it's going to be me. I've got the skills and the reflexes to take down anyone who comes my way."

Kiara rolled her eyes. "Please, you're not the only one with skills. I'm going to take you all down and come out on top."

Pope chimed in. "I don't know about that. I think I'm going to surprise you all and come out as the winner."

"Let’s be honest now, we all know who’s gonna win," says JJ with a laugh, pointing to himself.

John B humorously challenges him, "Are you certain about that, JJ? Don't forget you'll be going up against y/n."

Cleo chimes in in agreement, "That's right."

Kiara joins in and teases JJ, "Looks like he's whipped, isn't he?"

JJ retorts, "Oh, please. Don't be ridiculous," causing y/n to blush in response.

Sarah smiled. "I don't know who's going to win, but I know we're all going to have a great time. And that's what really matters."

“All I know is that I wanna beat Rafe.” Pope chuckled.

They all laughed and continued to joke around, each of them confident that they would be the one to come out on top.

JJ looked at his watch. "Alright, it's time to go. Let's see who's really got what it takes."

As they left the basement and headed to the laser tag arena, they were all still laughing and joking around, but there was an underlying sense of competitiveness.

A man greeted the group and led them into a room filled with equipment. He pressed a button.

A screen lights up as a voice booms, "Welcome, tributes." The audio continues, "your teams have been randomly selected: strongest against strongest, weakest against weakest. These are your team leaders." The screen displays the team leaders' names.

"Team one's captain is John B," the voice declares. John B cheers and smirks in response.

Pope jumps up with excitement as the speaker declares, "The captain of team two will be Pope", raising his fist up high in celebration.

"Our tributes of team one are: John B, y/n, Cleo, Kelce, Rafe." the audio continues.

"And the tributes on team two are: pope, topper, kiara, sarah, JJ." The names echo through the room.

"Ugh, I'm stuck with these losers," Topper complains.

"Hey, don't be rude," Sarah retorts.

"Shut up sarah," Rafe adds.

"Once you hear the speakers call your name, please exit the arena and head to the waiting area to hear the scores," the audio instructs.

"Are you ready to lose, love?" I tease JJ with a smirk.

"What makes you so sure your team will win, princess?" JJ smirks back.

"Okay team one, if you could follow me.” the man instructs.

Cleo and I step through the doors, entering a dense jungle. "Come on, let's find a hiding spot," Cleo smirks, and we run into the foliage with our guns at the ready. As an alarm blares, indicating the start of the game, we split up and bolt in opposing directions.

As I turn the corner, I'm met with a sight of dirty blonde hair - it's topper. "Hey, lover boy," I smirk, shooting him in the stomach.

"Topper, you are dead," a voice echoes through the speakers.

“Dirty Pouge.” He mumbles before making his way out of the arena.

As I continue running and turning corners, I collide with a sturdy chest - it's John B. My eyes widen momentarily until I realize he's on my team.

"Let's team up and go after Sarah and JJ. I spotted them together while shooting at topper," I suggest, and he nods in agreement. Together, we speed off on our mission to find them.

I leap over the fake plastic rocks and spot someone with straight blonde hair peering out from behind a tree. I nudge John B and nod in the direction, and he grins.

I quickly seek refuge behind a rock to catch a better glimpse of Sarah. Meanwhile, John B approaches the girl from behind and wraps his arms round her waist.

But where is JJ?

Sarah pov

I'm startled by my boyfriend's hot voice as his arms wrap around my waist, and he plants a kiss on my temple. Instantly, butterflies fill my stomach.

"No, Sarah. Distract and shoot!" Kiaras wise words echo in my mind.

I turn around, unable to resist my boyfriend's charms, and press my lips to his. As the kiss intensifies, an idea forms in my mind. I quickly lift my gun to his back.

"Sarah and John B, you're out," the speaker announces.

"I guess we both had the same idea, babe," John B smirks, making me giggle. He then drapes his arm over my shoulders as we both walk out of the doors and wait for the game to end.

Y/n pov

As the speaker declares, "Four tributes left," I think to myself, "John B, you're pussy whipped."

Determined to win, I continue running until I spot the looming figure of Rafe slowly prowling through the trees. With a quick burst of energy, I run up behind Rafe and leap onto his back.

"Hey," I greet him with a smile as my arms wrap around his neck.

"Hi," he responds, glancing over his shoulder, his smirk growing wider.

Rafe and I had always been friends, our fathers were in business together despite my mother being a Pouge and my father being a kook.

"It's just you and me. Let's go show these Pouges how it's done," he declares, and I climb off his back as we begin searching for opponents from the opposite team.

Rafe and I carefully make our way around the corner and come face to face with JJ and Pope. The four of us stand with our guns pointed at each other - Rafe aiming at Pope, Pope aiming at me, JJ on Rafe, and I have my gun trained on JJ.

Without a moment's hesitation, Rafe takes a shot at Pope.

"Pope, you're out," the speaker declares.

But before he can react, JJ fires a shot at him. "Rafe, you're out," the speaker announces, and he glares at JJ before making his way out of the room.

JJ points her gun at me. "JJ, I don't want to get you out. So just go ahead and shoot me. I'll be out, and you win," I say, attempting to guilt trip him.

I lower my gun and wait for him to make his move.

Suddenly, JJ puts her gun away, pulls me into his embrace, and suggests calling it a tie. "Princess, why don't we just call it a tie?" He murmurs.

Feeling suspicious, I raise my gun and point it at his back. "Hmm, I'd rather not," I say, pulling the trigger and shooting him in the back.

"JJ, you're out," the speaker booms.

"Better luck next time, pretty boy," I say, kissing his cheek before making my way out, grinning.

He follows, pouting, and I can't help but giggle before planting another kiss on his lips, bringing a smile to his face.

[sagethegaywitch]

TFP Autobot Headcanons (Optimus Prime, Ultra Magnus, Ratchet)

GN reader

TW: none

Genre: fluff

You will be a human assigned to an Autobot to keep you safe after you discovered their hideout with the rest of the human gang.  For now, the Autobots will have a platonic love for you.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Optimus Prime:

He was reluctant at first to take you under his wing, but he worried that Ultra Magnus and Ratchet wouldn’t have time for you, and Smokescreen and Wheeljack are equally bad influences.  He also doesn’t have much time to look after a human, so he’ll be very apologetic, telling you bluntly how this partnership will go.

He’s very busy as the leader of the Autobots, and he’s often spending most, if not all, of his time patrolling for threats or Energon.  Your relationship will go very slowly, but eventually, with a bit of pestering from you, he might take you on his daily drives to get to know you better.

He soon falls in love with driving you around in his cab.  You’ll be listening to your own music, working on some homework, or playing games on your phone, but you remain quiet because you know Optimus likes his peace.  It’ll start slow, maybe he’ll allow you to play your music aloud or even let you connect to his speakers.  Eventually, he’ll make comments on your music taste before transitioning to full on conversations.

He enjoys learning about human culture, and in return, he’ll tell you about Cybertron and his life before the war.  He treasures the rare moments when you get too lost in your thoughts and you ramble for hours during the long drives.  When you realize you’ve been talking his audio receptors off, you’ll apologize, but he’ll always reassure you and ask you to continue.

If you ever fall asleep in his alt-mode during the long drives, he avoids all rough terrain and will try to drive a bit slower to not jostle you too much.  He might even play some soft music or park completely to let you sleep peacefully.

As you two grow closer together, he’ll hang out with you when you’re at the base.  Instead of retreating to his room to work more, he’ll become a more common presence in the common room.  He’ll hover over your shoulder as you do work or watch from a safe distance when you play games with the other humans.  If you ever struggle with school subjects, he’s downloading everything off the internet revolving around the topic, and he’ll let you sit on his shoulder as he projects a small diagram to help teach you.

Although he has a lot of respect for you already, his affection will only skyrocket if you manage to get Ratchet to relax a bit.  He cherishes his friend and only wishes for him to take a break and relax, so if you manage to do what Optimus has been trying to do for centuries in a few months, Optimus will be so grateful for your persistent human spirit.

As time goes on, he lets you ride on his shoulder because he doesn’t like it when the humans run around on the ground where they might accidentally get stepped on.  He even got Ratchet to make him a necklace-like thing that can clip onto a harness you wear just in case you slip off.  He converses with you often as you sit there and likes that you’re on the same level as him now instead of him talking down at you.

When he tried to pick you up from school one day, you got a lot of questions from your friends the next day about the large semi-truck that took you home.  You think of a quick excuse, but Optimus is deflated to hear that his alt-mode is not a common human vehicle.  He’ll reluctantly have Bulkhead or Bumblebee pick you up from now on.

Overall, he’s very dad-like and will scold you if you ever get too rowdy.  He sees you as the reason he needs to defeat the Decepticons once and for all, just to protect you.  Although he was reluctant at first, he’s glad that you're his ward and that he gets to grow closer to you everyday and exchange knowledge.

Ultra Magnus:

He complained to Optimus when he assigned Magnus to be your guardian, and he did it right in front of you too.  He made it well known that he didn’t want to watch over you, saying he was much too busy to be concerned about a little human.  A quick talk with Optimus has him grumbling to himself about being demoted to a human babysitter.

Since he made his distaste of you known from the first day, you try to be more reserved and not be a burden to him. Eventually he caves with some persuasion from the other humans and Autobots.  He’ll schedule a formal meeting with you to get to know you better, and it’s kind of funny to see you sitting on Magnus’ desk, him glaring down at you in what he thinks is a friendly manner.

You eventually have to lecture him about human customs and how this is not how you make friends, which eventually leads to you telling him that you feel abandoned and lonely when you see the other humans interacting with their guardians.  He finds your sudden change in attitude enlightening, not knowing that you felt that way.  He will apologize and relax only a bit to have a real conversation with you.  After the talk, you two commit to working on developing this new relationship and friendship between a human and an Autobot.

As you get to know him, he will remain uptight around the others, not wanting to let his guard down and be seen as weak.  But, in privacy, like that one rare time he took you for a drive to get away from the idiots he works with, he softens up and rants to you about his emotions and the pressure he feels.  If you listen to him without judgment and even offer him helpful advice, he’ll listen to any frustrations you may have with your friends, parents, and/or school.  He’s a very good listener and he also has wise advice to give, although he does make Cybertronian analogies that you don’t quite understand.

He’ll start to take you out for drives more often if he sees you struggling mentally, and he’ll let you sit in silence to take a breather or let you speak your mind.  He’ll always make up an excuse to save you the embarrassment and questions from the others.  Eventually, you just ask to go on drives just to spend time with him, which he finds shocking, but he enjoys your presence.

If you ever fall asleep in his alt-mode, he’ll let out a loud sigh before driving right back to base.  Others will ask him why he’s remaining in his alt-mode, but he’ll just drive right past them to his room.  He can’t risk you being in danger in such a vulnerable position, but he also does not have the spark to wake you up when you looked like you needed the nap.

When he takes you on drives in his alt-mode, he’ll usually be distracted looking for Decepticons or anything out of the ordinary.  At first, he wouldn’t let you play music from his stereo, and he still doesn’t unless it’s music he approves of beforehand.  He’s very picky with his music, but he’s not very selective when it comes to podcasts.  He loves listening to all sorts of podcasts to better understand the human world.  From true crime to the news, he’s interested in all of them, and he’ll listen to whichever ones you enjoy.

At base, he does keep an eye on you, but he’s not actively watching out for you when you do your homework or play games with the others.  As your friendship grows, if you need a quiet place to work, he’ll let you sit on his desk and join him as he works.  He’ll be secretly delighted if you take an interest in his work.  He loves talking about his work and his duties, so he’ll gladly talk about the reports he has to write and might even tell you a few stories of his favorite past battles.  He’ll also be intrigued by your homework, wondering what’s the importance of human history or math.  He might even download some human textbooks to learn more about what you are taught in school.

He is a wonderful tutor if you ever need homework help.  Although he’ll pretend it’s a chore, he wants you to have the best education and be an intellectual, so he’ll dedicate one of his precious I-pads for human textbooks/knowledge and will use it to tutor you in subjects you're weak in.

Overall, he has a rough exterior, but he is capable of having emotions.  It just takes a bit more effort to break through to him, but he’s huge on communications, so talking to him about both of your issues will have him respecting you more.  Your relationship is based on mutual respect, and if you don’t turn your back on him, you have a very protective and knowledgeable guardian at your side.

Ratchet:

Similar to Ultra Magnus, Ratchet did not want to be your guardian, but at least he complained to Optimus in private.  He claimed he was much too busy with his research, fixing things up around base, and manning the spacebridge to be concerned with human affairs.  Optimus managed to convince him to give you a try and if you became too much of a hassle that you could be transferred to a more willing member.

Ratchet will have the dignity to not ignore you, but he’ll do the bare minimum.  He won’t pick you up from school because his alt-mode is too unusual for that kind of setting, but he’ll at least say “hi” to you each day.  One of the only ways to get his attention is if you’re an intellectual like him and point out a mistake he’s made in his work.  Since you’d probably be friends with Raf, he’d teach you all about Autobot science and math, which allows you to see Ratchet’s miscalculation.  Ratchet will just stare at you, shocked, as you explain what he did wrong before walking away.

It will literally keep him up at night, even though he doesn’t get much sleep to begin with.  Eventually, he’ll have you start checking his work.  He’ll probably attempt to email you his calculations, but it overwhelms your computer, leading to him just putting you on his shoulder and bringing you over to his computer.  You two spend hours looking over his research, checking for any mistakes.  After a few weeks of this, he’s startled to find that he doesn’t trust his own work without you approving it first.

Like you help him with his work, he’ll help you with your work.  He’s very smart, so he quickly understands human math, but he’s very old school.  He’s like those older parents who are confused and upset about schools changing the way certain things are done.  He gets particularly upset if you have math issues and you tell him the way he is teaching you isn’t the same way the teacher told you how to do the problem.

He rarely lets you sit in his alt-mode because he doesn’t do a lot of driving or patrolling.  But, if Optimus forces him out of the base, he’ll take you on a driving break and will drive around the mountain ranges where the base is located.  More often than not, he’ll just park on a nearby rock formation and watch the sunset with you, wanting to see the stars and constellations.  He’ll say they’re different from the ones on Cybertron and will love it if you point out the more prominent ones and tell him the stories behind them.  If you’re lucky, he might project some images of the ones on Cybertron and he will teach you about their history and significance as well.

If no other humans are at the base, he’ll let you play music on the speakers while the both of you work.  He doesn’t let a lot of people do this because he’s afraid Miko will abuse the power and play her loud music.  He’ll appreciate it if you play softer music like jazz or even songs without words.  He’ll start to tap his foot if he likes the song, so you have a playlist of songs that you notice he likes.  He’ll eventually realize that you only play songs that he likes, but he’s too proud to point it out.

If you have a sleepover at the base and if you’re an insomniac like he is, he will scold you and try to force you to go to sleep.  You’ll just use his words against him, trying to persuade him to get some sleep too.  You both will just be bickering with each other for a bit before you two come to the same agreement that you both need your rest.  As part of the deal, he will transform into his alt-mode and you will sleep inside.  He won’t let you bring your phone inside or any other distractions so you have to go to sleep and you’re inside so he can’t transform to do his work.

Overall, he’s very grumpy, but after he warms up to you, he’ll become very interested in the human mind.  If you are able to match both his intellectual talk and his sarcastic comments, he’s more likely to admire you and offer to work with you.  He’s just a very tired bot, and he appreciates that the younger human that follows him around is making him feel more lively and youthful.

[the-griffons-saddlebag]

💎 𝗡𝗲𝘄 𝗶𝘁𝗲𝗺! Clockwork Spyder
Wondrous item, rare (requires attunement) ___ This brass mechanical spider can fold its legs inward, allowing it to be worn as a brooch, hair pin, or similar. While being worn in this way, the spider appears as a normal pin. You can use a bonus action to speak the spider's command word followed by a single word instruction, such as "unlock" or "disarm." The spider then springs to life and carries out the task to the best of its ability, using its numerous legs as thieves' tools. The spider has a +7 bonus to Dexterity (Stealth) checks, as well as any ability check it makes using thieves' tools. The spider can remain animated for up to 10 minutes. Each time it's given a new spoken command, it uses a minimum of 1 minute from the duration. When you give the spider an instruction, and again on each of your turns as a bonus action while it remains animated, you can mentally command the spider to move up to 20 feet. Other than using its legs as thieves' tools, the spider can perform two unique tasks: 𝙍𝙚𝙘𝙤𝙧𝙙. The spider can record audio, up to its remaining animation time, for later playback. You can cause previously recorded audio to play from a small speaker on the spider by tapping it twice. Tapping it twice again stops the recording. Any recording the spider has is lost when it's commanded to record again. 𝙏𝙧𝙞𝙥𝙬𝙞𝙧𝙚. The spider creates a tripwire up to 10 feet in length using a spool of thread from its mechanical abdomen, connecting either end of the tripwire to a solid surface. The tripwire is nearly invisible, requiring a passive Wisdom (Perception) score of 17 or higher to notice it, and it gives no resistance when broken. While you're within 1,000 feet of a tripwire created in this way, you are magically made aware of it when it's broken, such as if a creature walks through it. When this happens, you only know which wire is broken, but not what caused it to break. You can have up to three tripwires at a time, which remain for up to 8 hours. Creating a fourth tripwire causes the first one to break. You can mentally deactivate the spider early using a bonus action. The... ...Continued in the comment below! ___ ✨ Patrons get huge perks! Access this and hundreds of other item cards, art files, and compendium entries when you support The Griffon's Saddlebag on Patreon for less than $10 a month!

[aita-blorbos]

AITA for cheating on my girlfriend on live television?

I apologise for this being very lengthy, there’s a lot to cover. This was about seven years ago now, but it still gets brought up a lot and I want to get a definitive answer. I (then 28M) was (and still am) part of an amateur drama society. We have gathered a reasonable level of infamy, purely because our productions are always less that subpar (in other words, awful) and people seem to find this funny to watch. we’re a reasonably small group (we usually have between 8-12 members, including backstage) so we all know each other fairly well. My (now ex) girlfriend (then 26F) has been in this group longer than I have, and we actually met through performing together. Throughout the time we were dating, we tried to keep it more or less a secret from the rest of the group.

So seven years ago, we were the recipients of the BBC Community Choice Award, which was a huge surprise given that our plays are, as I said, awful. We were given an hour time slot for a live performance on the BBC, and we chose to put on a production of Peter Pan. I was chosen to play Peter, and my girlfriend was playing Wendy. From the very beginning there were a lot of issues, but things really went sideways about half an hour in, when an audio between our director and assistant director was accidentally played through the speakers. In this clip, they discussed how they thought it was inappropriate that me and my girlfriend were sleeping together while also playing Peter and Wendy, said some rude things about us, and also revealed that one of our other cast members (then 25M, playing Michael and the crocodile) had a massive crush on my girlfriend.

Once this was over, the scene continued as normal, but a malfunction in my flying rig made me go flying directly up into the rafters of the theatre. The harness then broke, and I fell 30ft back down onto the stage. I was severely injured (and was unconscious), and I had to be taken offstage for immediate medical attention. I managed to regain consciousness after about 15 minutes, and although I was heavily concussed and had lost a lot of blood, I continued with the show.

While I was unconscious, the show had continued, and our stage manager had been filling in as Peter Pan until he was also knocked unconscious. The next choice to fill in was the guy who had a crush on my girlfriend, as he already knew Peter Pans lines, as that had been the part he was hoping to play. I happened to come back onstage just as he and my girlfriend were about to do Peter and Wendy’s kiss, but when she saw me, my girlfriend came and kissed me instead. I continued my role, and I may have made a rude remark towards the other guy about his acting (which no one appreciated, because he’s the kind of guy who’s just very nice all the time). In hindsight, I regret the remarks I made, but you have to remember that I had just received some massive head trauma and was not thinking clearly, and I had just seen a man who’s apparently had a secret crush on my girlfriend for years almost kiss her.

Cut to a little bit later in the show (about 8 minutes). I was helping another actor (then 26F) with a costume change because she was a bit dizzy (she had been electrocuted and had only just been revived). She was worried it didn’t look okay, and I told her she looked great, and then she suddenly started to kiss me. This is not something she would normally do (I would blame it on the electrocution messing with her). I started kissing her back, and we started making out. Now, I know how this sounds, but please remember that I had received a nasty concussion only 20-25 minutes prior to this, so I was clearly not in the right mental capacity. The stage we were using was one that rotated between sets, and due to a fault in the rotation, the two of us kissing was seen by the entire studio audience plus the cameras that were streaming the show live. We did not realize we could be seen. On the second time the set rotated so that we were in view, my girlfriend walked in on us and got very angry. She slapped me and dumped me, and when I tried to insist that it was the other actress who came on to me, my girlfriend told me that “she’s not the one with a girlfriend”, basically taking her side.

We finished the rest of the show, and my (ex) girlfriend ended up kissing the other guy who had a crush on her after he saved her from being crushed by the pirate ship (long story). Me and my ex did make up, and have continued working together in the society. She and the other guy started dating, and she proposed to him the year after (also on live television) and they’re very happy together. Me and the other actress did not get together.

While most of the drama from this incident has been left in the past, whenever it is brought up, everyone acts like I was the sole asshole in this situation. While obviously cheating on her was not okay, and I do not blame her at all for breaking up with me, I don’t believe I am an asshole, as I would never do that if I was in my right mind. I have apologised to everyone involved, and it has now been seven years, and I think at this point it’s only fair to acknowledge that I was acting under the influence of head trauma from a life-threatening situation that had not been given time to be treated properly, rather than just a plain asshole. So, AITA?

[thelifeandtimesoftim]

Just a sketch I did of my boy getting caught by the same cult a second time. The first time they paralyzed him and broke his arm and cut out his eye while all he could do was watch.

They didn't feel like he learned his lesson.

They disguised themselves as a trusted friend to kidnap him from his own home. He was drugged to paralysis but still completely aware. They played audio psychological torture for him while they drugged him again with psychedelics.

Another man was tortured to death beside him. Sacrificed to the Ocean Mother.

Poor Tim's legs, broken with vice grips. A crown of razor wire thorns jammed onto his head. Hauled to his feet they nailed him by the hands to the side of a light house. The face of the murdered man was then stitched to his chest as his shins broke through skin and the nails tore his hands from his own hanging body weight.

A speaker set to continue to play the same audio over and over and over as he hung there. Waiting for someone to find him before death could.

His friends call him a survivor.

Laying in his hospital bed he doesn't feel like he's surviving.

[punkzines]

CHIPMUNK

Sumarry: Jazz/Rodimus x human reader they just met who sounds like a chipmunk.

a/n: no set continuation im bad at those… this is just a joke cause i heard an alvin and the chipmunks audio and couldn’t stop laughing. this is also short and bad as hell but yk what? so what. you cant arrest me.

JAZZ

Jazz totally wasn’t scared of organics, not in the slightest. However, he was scared of their tendency of sneaking up on him in the most unexpected ways and places. One prime example was you. He was testing out his speakers in a pretty remote area. There was barely anyone who wandered out these parts, especially at this time of day— something about schools and jobs?

Anyways, apparently that didn’t stop you at all— because just as he turned to leave and roll back to base, you scared the creepers out of him when he saw you in the rear mirror. “Woah!” He said surprised, turning back into robo-mode as he took a step back. “Where’d you come from, lil one?” Jazz stared down at you, servo placed on his hip. “What’s your name, hm?”

You stare up at him, eyebrows furrowed and arms crossed. You were furious. And Jazz would have taken you seriously, clearly he had done something to upset you— but you started talking. He tried keeping it respectful, but it was funny the way your voice was so high pitched. He could barely make out what it was you were trying to say! You were talking too fast. Jazz chuckled— “Hol’ on, sweetheart. I can’t understan’ you.” After adjusting his audials to your frequency, that’s when he understood he had scared away one of the cats you were trying to feed. Oops?

RODIMUS

“An organic…” Rodimus leaned down— optics blown wide open with curiosity. “So tiny...”

Rodimus had never really seen an organic… in person anyways. He swiftly picked you up, tilting his head. It was kinda freakish, the way it felt on his hand. It was odd— he felt you on his servo, so light…lighter than anything he has held before and… super squishy? He played with you with his digits. That was disgusting but fascinating. Rodimus was careful to not hold you too tight or play with you too roughly— you were fragile, one wrong move and you could just snap. How could these little things be sentient? He had been told they had built empires, made machinery— real advanced technology. Impressive, for something so small.

Rodimus was cut out of his train of thought as soon as he heard a high pitched scream piercing through his helm. It had come from you. He blinked— pausing any movements to stare at you— his spark flickering with concern at the thought of him hurting you just after minutes of meeting- you weren’t even harmed at all! “Hey! What’d you do that for?”

You cursed at him as you gripped his palm tightly— scared of falling to death. Unfortunately for you, Rodimus did not understand a word that was exiting your intake. Could it be that you were scared? Your voice did sound weirdly annoying all of the sudden. He thought organics voices were…much softer but all he heard was a heavy amount of shrilling. “Uhh…” He looked around then back at you. “Anyways…” He sets you down and watches you run away. That was something.