#autistic socializing

[dailydivergent]

“Be the same person to everyone.” is bad advice.

There, I said it.

It’s not bad in intent—just bad in execution by an autistic person.

I cannot "be the same person to every single person!" and be successful in socializing.

I cannot be as friendly as I am with my friends with a potential sales lead, because that would be weird on many levels.

I cannot be as surface-level as I am with cashiers as I am with friends, because that would be weird on many levels. (Or worse, my friends would think I’m mad at them.)

When you tell autistic people to "be the same person to everyone" in their life, they will take you literally like I did.

And the result of that little experiment was:

strangers thinking I couldn’t hold my shit together

acquaintances distancing themselves from me

friends feeling disconnected from me

partners not knowing what I needed

The result of this advice, for me, was never changing my approach to communicating.

Which is a really fucking bad idea.

The Real Advice Is To Change Your “How”

The problem with the advice, “Be the same person to everyone,” is that it doesn’t account for how much goes into being a person.

There’s not just the Who, What, Why, and Where—there’s a How that’s part of you, as well.

I think this advice is recommending to keep the Ws the same:

Who are you? Why?

Who do you like? Why?

Where do you live? Why?

What are you interested in? Why?

What are you trying to do with your life? Why?

But the how is what they forget to account for:

How you communicate

How you present yourself

How you act around others

that is what needs to change, if you can afford the energy.

Social success is dependent on your ability to be malleable to different expectations of you depending on the context.

[themaskedlady]

[astralwashboard]

autism just keeps winning

it’s because gender is stupid and autistic people aren’t

[rubysparx]

Honestly I don't think I'm qualified to make this post, I just don't know if I can make coherent enough words man. But the thoughts are in there and I will try to articulate them. This is probably going to be mostly images though. anyway yeah KABRU POST.

A couple nights ago (at approximately 2:30am, lasting a little over half an hour) I had a bit of a moment about Kabru. That, too, was mostly images- most of what you see in this more concise post were presented then as well. I think my main points of the "moment" were about Kabru's trauma + self hatred, his autism and/or general otherness, and also a little labru if you'd like..

I think something easy to start with is I wanna point out Kabru's constant back and forth and conflicting opinions of demihumans and how, I believe, thats a reflection of how he goes back and forth on what he believes his purpose of living is- and the general worth of his own life. I've said it before and i've just kinda shown it in images; Kabru is "i think im a monster and it disgusts me" where Laios is "I know im a human and it disgusts me" (i could go more into the latter on another post)

the above are both from the world bible, with the left being from the section on kobolds and the right being from the section on Kuro specifically. Utaya was very near to the desert where most of the kobold population is, this is likely why Kabru is able to speak Kuro's language- he grew up around demihumans. (chapter 48 cover, kobold chapter in the world bible) I won't try to speak for how his mother or the rest of utaya felt about the kobolds but I can say that Kabru was very much othered as a child, as was his mother, purely for the way her son's (kabru) eyes looked.

I feel like its fair enough to say that both kabru and the kobolds were othered, and possibly for similar reasons (villager's seeing them as nonhuman, as monsters) and the fact that Kabru learned their language probably didn't help his case. I think his perception of kobolds (and all demihumans, subsequently himself, as he probably still views himself as nonhuman or not human enough.. deep down) was damaged by the Utaya incident. at 2:30am when I first started this ramble my main comment was that "had the utaya incident not happened kabru would have little reason to feel ashamed for his connection to monsters. and may have ended up similar to laios in that he couldve had otherkin swag" which is just a sort of silly way of saying Kabru could've learned to love the thought that he is possibly nonhuman or at least not hated himself so much for it.

in the original ramble I said, and quote, "he has been STALKING laios. laios is his hyperfixation to learn how he can ever be loved. he keeps going back and forth so harshly on wether or not he wants to kill Laios and he clearly sees his survival from utaya not as an unfortunate trauma [*] but as a necessary, deserved fate. a punishment for his mother's witchy sins, and for his sin of being non-human. to atone for it all, to apologize for being alive, he tries to better the lives of all humanity. He was set on his way to dethrone the governor of the island . do you understand? im going insane" *i also said somethings about the way he processes other people's traumas and not his own. He's able to understand and even help some people, but he struggles to process his own issues and see himself as worthy of love and life.

^some examples of Kabru being understanding of or helping others who have suffered greatly. I think its also worth mentioning that with Rin (called "Lynn" in that translation) he says "I wish there was a way to get her out of this" though he's insisted and pushed for himself to go into a dungeon;

In chapter 94, Mithrun says "The desire I had left wasn't revenge. All I wanted.. was for it to finish devouring me." and I don't feel like it's a stretch to say Kabru was in a similar situation. Mithrun sought out the demon with no plan on how to kill something like that because deep down he wanted it to end his (Mithrun's) own life, to finish the trauma it caused and kill him. I think Kabru went into the dungeon in part with the hopes that it'd kill him. That the same thing that destroyed Utaya and caused him so much trauma would just.. finish him.

I just think Kabru is a beautifully complex character, I have a lotta thoughts on him and I don't see nearly as many analysis posts for him than I do Laios (despite labru being such a popular ship)

there is no tldr for this post idk how to summarize it. do what you will with this collection of images. have fun. go crazy

fun fact the woman in the bottom left corner is his mother, she is labeled here as "witch"

[risesthenight]

neurotypicals will SWEAR they support you but the second you unmask they stare at you weirdly and question why you’re acting differently

thanks for supporting me! i feel so seen right now!! let me just put this back on…

[cyberwh0repuppy]

I can't tell when people are flirting with me I'd rather you just pin me to a wall and tell me how badly you want to make out

[astraltrickster]

ngl I'm not a fan of how the very necessary discussion of how autistic girls (and many poc for that matter, not that we usually remember this) often end up masking hard due to the pressure to "be ladylike" or "not be too angry" and therefore end up being seen as "very polite" and "mature for your age" and so on and so forth is morphing into being less about how social pressures may impact how autism presents and more about saying "so there's Girl Autism and there's Boy Autism and Girl Autism makes you nice and polite and pleasant but Boy Autism makes you gross and annoying and rude and offputting and no it's not ableist at all to say that being overly excitable or trying to get a turn to talk when you don't know when your turn is or struggling with arbitrary rules is rude and annoying because Girl Autism exists uwu"

[bisexualseraphim]

How people think I am when I say I’m autistic: Hello foolish neurotypical! Would you like to— GET OUT OF MY CHAIR THAT’S MY CHAIR! Would you like to watch me instantly solve some calculus equations? :)

What I’m actually like: Hi! (Oh God why did I say that? Idiot. They probably think I’m so annoying now. Fuck, I never think before I speak. This is why I’ll never have any friends. I’m doomed.)

[vroomvroomwee]

Omg omg omg. It all makes so much more sense when you realise it's not social anxiety but a fear of being perceived.

Why do you feel more comfortable with a long coat and a mask as opposed to summer clothes?

Why do you DESPISE taking pictures? Especially if it's someone else and not you taking them.

Why do you feel like you have to stop doing whatever it was you were doing when someone passes by?

Why don't you want to tell anyone how leisurely you go about your day, taking a nap, going for a snack, sitting on your phone playing games etc. because you know they will comment on it and even though it's not negative or mockery it's still feels like you've been perceived?

Why can't you make eye contact? Why can you do it only if the other person is looking away but the second when they look at you you stop listening and when you're the one speaking you can't bear to look at them because you know their eyes are on you and they are perceiving you?

Why don't you want to dress excessively or wear nicer clothes? Because you will stand out

People mistake you for shy because you don't speak often, but it's really the fear of drawing attention to yourself more than it is the things you actually say, isn't it?

Why do you hate overpopulated areas even when no one is speaking? BUT you still feel more comfortable when more than one person is in the room (but not too many!) so that the burden of being perceived is directed on someone else and you can safely lay back just observing the scene.

It's all a defence mechanism

[occaisonalshitposts]

[gazspookiebear]

Mmm, thinking about Ghost going on a date with reader after not having been in a proper relationship in years

He was never one for hookups, and he could never keep long-term relationships. Most lasted about a month at most before he backed out.

Fast forward to now, he's been invited out by you. He figures it'll be like most other dates, a quick dinner at a noisy restaurant before he gets overwhelmed and leaves.

To his surprise, it isn't. You kept his comfort in mind and suggested a walk by the bay instead.

When he walks beside you in silence, you don't seem to take offense. In fact, you don't seem to mind at all. You fill in his silence with easy conversation, keeping it focused on you and not trying to pry into his personal life.

You don't hesitate when he responds with one word answers, instead taking the opportunity to discuss an interest of your own. By the time it's long past dark out, you offer to take him home, apologizing for not acknowledging the time sooner. He didn't want to stop listening to your voice

When he declines your offer, you smile. You tell him to stay safe, to rest well, and to text you when he gets home.

At his apartment, he can't stop thinking about you. About how polite and kind you were. About how you actually cared about his feelings, how you weren't off put by him.

He glances at his phone.

You receive a text at 1 in the morning. A simple 'Back safe.'

[my-autism-adhd-blog]

Autistic Callum

[bnyrbt]

me: *is jokingly mean to my friend*

friend: *jokingly pretends to be hurt*

me:

[ssavaart]

Ever since my videos on Youtube and TikTok started getting popular, people would recognize me out in the wild and then realize that I am SO AWKWARD in person.

I LOVE meeting people... but I never know what to say and I always feel like I've disappointed them afterwards.

So, a few months ago... I printed up cards that I could give to people I meet that has an apology inside.

If you happen to see me, please say hi.

But be patient with me... I'm doing my best to "people" .

Sending Big Hugs from the Hobbit Hole. ♥♥♥

Scott

[tam--lin]

The thing is, you don’t have to have a diagnoses to make simple “unmasking” changes that make your life easier. You don’t even have to self-diagnose! You are not appropriating anyone’s culture or struggles or hijacking anyone’s movement by allowing yourself to sway in line at the grocery store or buying a weighted blanket or using study or household hacks intended for people with ADHD. If you start favoring the needs that make your brain and body unique over the arbitrary norms of society, you’ll be better off, and you’ll be expanding the norms. It’s a win/win.

[neurodivergenttales]

Shoutout to all the people who...

Are always talked over in group settings

Rehearse what they are going to say loads of times in their head and still end-up with their words coming out jumbled

Take longer to process jokes/people's speech

Just get brushed-off when they ask people to repeat their jokes

Always feel like they are seen as an acquaintance rather than a best friend by others

Find parties overwhelming and feel boring for preferring nights in

Feel lonely but also don't know how to go about making friends as an adult

Feel embarrassed/ashamed for not having friends