#bc i really am mostly free of generalized anxiety. and social anxiety.

[newfeeling77]

i wish i had gotten properly medicated n therapized earlier 1. bc it hasnt even started yet i had one therapy appointment and i wont be feeling the effects of medication for another month and a half and 2. im already feeling regretful of the time i wasted these past few months being depressed. not unhappy just apathetic and frustrated. bc objectively im having a good time n learning new things and making friends like its a really good semester but i havent been able to enjoy it bc im currently incapable of enjoying anything. i can appreciate things, i can acknowledge the positive aspects of my life but they dont give me any positive feelings. instead im just angry or overwhelmed all the time

[pink-tk-a-latte]

hello hello hello!

𓇼 Call me Py! (or anything from the Cleffa line: Py -> Pippi -> Pixy) Any C name is accepted too

𓇼 If the content on this blog is not your vibe, no worries!! I implore you to visit @comfied-chriterature instead <33

𓇼 I write, scream, and am generally incoherent and occasionally poetic! And I may draw... sometimes...

𓇼 My interest in tickling is solely innocent (not a k!nk). I love the fun and intimacy and bonding and kicking feet giggling of it all. // //

𓇼 Anyone is welcome! Engagement is always appreciated; just don't be creepy or hateful (no teases or anything like that). Apologies if I struggle to communicate, I may have social anxiety. I tend to lurk and am always late to the party, but I really wanted to partake in this community bc it seems wholesome!

𓇼 Open for asks, requests, and tag games!! Check if your asks/requests have been replied to at this tag ➸ (farmboy wesley voice) as you wish 💌

𓇼 Look here for a few of my favorite things~ /ref and details for requesting and conversing, and here is my masterlist!!

Requests in progress: 3

𓇼 I enjoy musicals, vocaloid (hmu if you wanna talk about HarumakiGohan), cartoons/anime and manga/manhwa, pixel art games, rpg horror, books, emoticons, indie everything!!

𓇼 PINK PINK PINK 💞

𓇼 I also love hamsters and cookies and snow and oceans and hearts <3

𓇼 Multishipping fanatic! I’m mostly open-minded but there are some ships (and characters) I dislike passionately and irrationally LOL

𓇼 Big fan of infp characters bc I am an infp and they're always such disasters lol!! ...What does that say about me

𓇼 Like it, love it, gotta have it 🍪

bocchi the rock, lycoris recoil, skip and loafer, toilet-bound hanako-kun, shy, nana, bungo stray dogs, buddy daddies, genshin impact, project sekai, six of crows, the disastrous life of saiki k

others: kimetsu no yaiba, pokémon, alien stage, tgcf and svsss, avatar the last airbender, the owl house, she-ra princesses of power, honkai star rail, yorukura, painoko, spy x family, magirevo, horror rpgs, spider-man + mcu, miitopia, literary tk

Feel free to ask about any other interests!!

𓇼 My tags જ⁀♡➴

py is turning pink 𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 my writing tag

py plates shortcakes 𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 my hcs, future ideas, and wips tag

py’s snack stash 𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 my tk reblogs tag

a+ for art I liek :)) 𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 my non-tk art/other reblog tag

[krmzyn]

── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ──

~ Hii!! Welcome to my blog <3

── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ──

I’m Salem, but feel free to call me any of my DRselves names!

This blog is mostly for me to focus on shifting, though LOA/manifesting and lucid dreaming have also been pretty high up there for me atm!

I’m completely fine with any questions from anyone (shifters, non-shifters, even antis), just please be respectful. This inculudes questions about my first shift, but I prefer not to talk about it, but I might answer some 💟 (please send asks i love answering questions /lh)

Note: I’m formatting this on mobile and am pretty new to tumblr so. i literally have no clue what im doing 😇

Double note: This is gonna be like. the only formatted post on my page. I absolutely cba and most of my posts r probably just gonna be like. shitposting 😚

── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ──

About me!

Again, hi, I’m Salem, but you lot can call me any of my DR names <3

My pinterest is cvbereal!!

They/Them pronouns, I don’t care too much about them though

I’m chronically British 🧍‍♂️ Also genetically a little Irish 😇 (also bst/gmt timezone 😚)

I crawled here from Tiktok. I use wayyy too much tiktok slang 😚 I also rlly appreciate tone tags being used!

15, Scorpio & audhd!

Genuinely a little stupid. Just a lil bit.

I also do art!! Idk if I’ll really post it here but. yah 💟

I have pretty bad social anxiety and general anxiety issues, so I don’t really socialise online that much <3

Likes & Dislikes!

I LOVE cats with my entire soul <33 Also honestly animals in general.

I hate mint. Its just sososoo eww 😇

I like the sciences 😚 (biology >>> chemistry > physics. fight me /j)

I really don’t like step ladders 😭 I’m stood there wobbling like a dog on a cat tower I just can’t with them

I love candles n incense a lot!! I have this adorable little tea light holder that’s like a little tree with birds and these little cages for the tea lights and I just ADORE it smsmsmm <3

I hate walking around barefoot 😭 Like idm the idea of it but its just like. u never know whats been on those floors >:( Also carpets feel ew

I like rambling about my drs and random stuffs I like 😇

I don’t like bacon. The little fat bits are all stringy and its just sososo bleh

I love a bunch of the ‘cringe’ kid roblox games. Like adopt me (bc collecting just makes me feel mwah) and royale high (mostly for christmas atp bc. I have feelings abt it 😇) and pet sim, also others. I shiny hunt on pokemon ultra moon as well! (I have a grudge against shiny lugia but i love it /lh)

(I was trying to do a like-dislike kinda pattern but iii cant think of anymore dislikes shshh) I like doing legos and oragami occasionally! I just enjoy being able to do stuff with my hands 😚

── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ──

My DRs (in order. maybe.)

Note: NONE of my DRs have traumatic or violent events. Any with that stuff as main plot points has either been altered or is some kind of AU. Made that mistake once, not making it again <3

- CoD (COD SHIFTERS PLEASE R U GUYS THERE?? 😭)

- Altered OR

- ATSV

- FNAF

- Demon Slayer / KNY

- Pokémon

- Rick & Morty

- SCP

- Backrooms

- MHA (mixed on it atm)

- Supernatural (considering & trynna figure out some kinda au 🧍‍♂️)

── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ──

My current manifestations!

My shifting journal!!

── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ──

That’s about it!! Ty for reading and I hope you guys enjoy my posts 😚

-Love, Sal <3

── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ──

Last shift: ~2021 Shifted 1x

Last ‘minishift’: ? Minishifted ~3x

Last lucid dream: ? Lucid dreamed 1x

[wyldblunt]

hi personal post just under a cut, it's not even serious or negative or anything i just feel like blabbering and it's embarrassing to have it out in the open lol

i NEED......... to get over how shy i am abt playing w ppl in game... it's not even just Running Content, i mean i get anxious/shy about even just. goofing around aimlessly/map completing with anyone i haven't known for literally years. or who i am not literally married to.

idk what it is!!! my brain immediately kicks into overdrive and gets completely clogged up with "am i not talking enough. are they getting bored. am i moving too fast/slow. i don't know what to do. this is stressing me out" and i have zero idea how to stop myself from getting like that. literally yesterday (SORRY IF THIS WAS YOU??? I THOUGHT YOU WERE NICE FWIW) someone came up to me and marina in game and said hi nicely and asked what we were up to and i like. Answered Once, and then did not talk again the whole time, and we sort of ran around together for a bit until i kind of lost track of them but the ENTIRE TIME i was agonizing over "am i being totally unfriendly and weird by not chatting. am i coming off like i want them to go away or just generally like an asshole" and as you can see i am also still agonizing about it now. even though objectively it was probably completely fine.

and EVEN WITH very good friends i've known for a long time i clam up like that... when i was trying to get into ffxiv some very good friends stopped by to give me stuff/say hi to my character etc and i got the exact same way!!! ppl i literally talk to all the time on twitter etc but then the second we're behind in game avatars i just get stressed out and start feeling super awkward and aside from like. jumping in place a few times suddenly forget literally every single thing i have ever known about human socialization

but it's dumb!!! and i'm so over it!!!! i wanna run dungeons and fractals and stuff, i even wanna scrape a group together to kind of activate my old guild again and claim a guild hall, stuff like that... and i KNOW the tumblr community is a great way to do that bc u guys are all so friendly and chill and it's way better than trying to throw myself into pugs or whatever. but oh my god. my fucking BRAIN, man

as i type this all out i do wonder if maybe a solution would be getting on voice chat w ppl while trying to play stuff together bc i truly feel like 90% of my anxiety comes from "i cannot type in chat and play at the same time, therefore i get super overwhelmed and confused about how to communicate naturally" and i feel like vc would solve that. but uh. if anyone does not mind sometimes running content with a guy who will probably be mostly silent and weird the whole time (the real glyndwr experience!!!!) please feel free to hit me up and i will get back to u between three and six billion business days

EDIT adding on more bc im still thinking lol. i just have a huge huge fear of coming off like a dick or like im unfriendly or something. ppl have constantly told me im intimidating for ages and it hurts my feelings and i get really antsy about it (this is why i never play reblog games abt like "rate how intimidating the person u reblogged from is" etc bc if anyone actually said they were scared of me i would get sad for real lol!!!). i naturally usually have a kind of flat/dry affect online and i make friends slowly, and i don't feel like changing how i express myself bc it's natural to me but. agh!!!! agh!!!! my wittle feelings!!!!!!

[eros-ghoulette]

Free vent card to talk about everything and anything that’s bothering you so that Gloorp here -> 🤠 can smash it with a comically large and cartoonish hammer

Okay, so

There's a lot going on now and I don't wanna talk about it or even think about it and I really should do something but I'm avoiding it and that is absolutely not good so I WILL do it when I wake up today and hopefully feel relief after it

Good now that this is somehow said I'll need to get to the more ughh me stuff. I already vented about this situation but its still on my mind and idk if it's really like that and I just ahhh- it triggered my anxiety really bad and just

I was walking with a friend and my sis and we have been hanging out for three days at that point so my social battery was low and I just started to walk behind them and that also had another reason because I thought I might annoy them by being me. And the whole day was filled with sentences like "You're too much to handle sometimes", " You're getting on my nerves" and so on and yeah

And then my sister told me that said friend I'm an Emo because I was walking alone behind them and it was the same friend I told that i don't like it to be called that weeks ago and she just... I feel like I trusted the wrong person with personal stuff

And the next day then was just my friend being annoyed at anything and I don't understand why bc I really tried not to be annoying. And then I decided to climb on some stones and she looked really annoyed all the time and idk if that's my fault or if I'm one of the reasons and I hate that I still don't know. Then me and my sis wanted to get dinner and she said she also wants to come so we took her with us but she wire headphones the whole way and was watching something on her phone and she was the one to get ice cream and then she said she forgot her money and I was like no problem I get you an ice and then she was like really bitchy to me and couldn't understand why bc I just wanted to be nice.

And that just like the most recent event of stuff like that and so it's in my head and I'm always like "I'm too hard to handle. I should stop now. I annoy them"

And I'm still really confused at some other stuff and now I recently figured out that I really would like to try wearing a binder, because while I don't have a problem with my chest at home. I just want my shirts to fit more masc, to give me a more masculine look and yeah. Wouldn't be possible because homophobic and trans phobic family and that sucks.

And I also have the feeling that my social anxiety got even worse and I really just want someone to really understand me, but when I ask them to pay for my stuff too and I even give them the money, I often just get a "You need to learn that" "I also don't like doing that" "god, you get on my nerves" and that makes me believe that I should just be different so I wouldn't be that much to handle

And idk just the fact that I am happy to be ace and everything bc feels good to know what I am, but then I am like "no one will ever love you" or just like the fact that I have a friend who ones had a crush on me (and I need to mention he's trans here) because he had the crush when he wasn't outed and we had no contact for two years and then he was outed and we are friends again and he's the only one to just take me like "okay, it's eros. Eros is cool" and vibes with it, at least I feel like it. and he's also the only one I'm comfortable cuddling with because I mostly have female friends but I am not really comfy in touch with female persons and feel like cuddling is something intimate (just platonic, yk?) And he's a boy and I'm more comfortable around boys in that regard or something and yeah. And I'm scared people might think I have a crush on him, but I haven't and it's just too much

And I'm fucking touch starved and I don't mean the one like "I could use a hug👉👈" I mean like feeling restless and uncompleted and just bad in general and all I need is someone I can hold because I don't really like it to be hold and I need love and affection but I don't get it

And I also figured that a platonic crush is the same shit as a romantic one bc in both I just want to be close to someone.

And oh yeah I figured I really want to tell that one person how pretty he is and how much I care and ughhh I don't wanna seem weird bc I mean it platonic and I just don't know what to do

And on top of that I still have the feeling that I maybe have autism or ADHD and I can't tell that anyone because they won't take me serious and just fuck it

Did I mention my anxiety getting worse? Yeah I guess that's the main problem

[that-one-gay-hufflepuff]

Hi! 👋🏻 I’m @that-one-gay-hufflepuff

My side blog with things that stick out to me is @cool-shit-20079

Things I like:

HAZBIN HOTEL I NEEEED SEASON 2 (and Helluva Boss)

Star Trek (so far I’ve seen og. series and the movies for those, tng, and I’m starting ds9)

Star Wars (love it but haven’t watched in a while, seen all (and I mean all) up to when Asohka came out minus the 2ds and kids shows)

STARKID (AVPM, Hachetfield Universe but haven’t seen nightmare time, currently obsessed with NPMD)

Ride the Cyclone

Some Will Wood Music (I/Me/Myself, Memento Mori, and 2econd 2ight 2eer)

Many musicals including Heathers (movie and musical), Rocky Horror (Picture) Show, Reefer Madness, Avenue Q

Harry Potter (duh) but I dont support JKR or buying anything that profits or benefits her

Riordan-verse but mostly MCGA (Alex✨)

Super-Powereds Series by Drew Hayes (plus Corpies)

GOOD OMENS (book and tv show)

Heartstoppers (graphic novels and tv show)

Stranger Things

The Martian by Andy Weir

The Uninvited (small band)

DND/TTRPG/Worldbuilding

THE ALPHABET MAFIA

Plants :)

Cool Random Facts

Shitposting

Art (especially queer art)

Skulls :))))

Shortened version of things ab me:

Im neurodivergent

Bc of that I may be weird in response to social interaction

I use they/he and fall under many lgbt categories

Using tw/cw is very important to me, feel free to tell me if I forgot

No politics unless people must be warned

I may share my art, writing, or dnd stuff :)

Things ab me:

I’m nuerospicy (neurodivergent) and I have been diagnosed w/ adhd, social anxiety, persistent depressive disorder, and sensory processing disorder. I’m waiting to get a referral for an autism screening (is that the right word?) and currently am balancing meds. Edit: I HAVE THE TISM✨

Bc of social awkwardness I may be weird if I get called out/talked to but still feel free to comment bc it makes my day :D

I use they/he pronouns, Im panromantic omnisexual and polyamorous but may be questioning toward sapphic, also still questioning my gender but am probably at least trans (somewhere under the trans masc/nb umbrella) demiboy (partially but not totally male-aligned/adjancent) and somewhere on the queer spectrum. I also have a lovely gf, @jojoisfruity (she/her) :). No real segway but we are t4t and I love herrrrrr :333333. (fyi our relationship is closed rn so plz dont)

I try to put tw/cw on things but if I dont feel free to reblog with the correct tag (general tw for my blog: cursing, possible slurs but only if I fall under them, ex. f*g, f*ggot, tr*nny, qu*er, d*ke, etc.)

I try to not involve politics on my blog at any cost unless people are in immediate and severe danger and must be warned so please tag things 🙏

I’m also into writing, art, and dnd so I may share :)

Ships :))))))):

Hazbin/Helluva- favorite-huskerdust/angelhusk, not really a ship but aroace/demiace alastor hc, Octavia x Luna, kind of qpr radioapple? Idk-, Stolas x Blitz

Star Trek- favorite-daforge, garashir, quodo

HP-(forget the name but serious x remus)

Riordanverse- favorite-blitzstone

rtc-nicha, multiple versions of richie x jane/penny including mtf Savannah hdcs

INEFFABLE HUSBANDS/WIVES/PARTNERS NEED I SAY MORE

DNI:

misogynists

TERFs

homophobes

transphobes

racists

ableist

pro-lifers

NSFW

etc.

[blookmallow]

my brain is buzzing with anxiety so im oddly in the exact right space to binge through something (which i can usually NEVER do unless its video games) but not to like, analyze very well but anyway im enjoying the fallout show immensely. i expected id probably at least like it for the Hey Look, It's That Thing You Like references but its genuinely really engaging. im gonna try to say some things. i have like. 2 more episodes i think

i knew the ghoul was going to be my favorite the moment i knew there was a ghoul bc ghouls are always my favorite but he is. his storyline is so fascinating to me and i am So into him even though they could've done a way better job with his face. i realize im saying that and then not really talking about him that much but all my brain is giving me is "hes so fucked up i want him" so lets move on

the vault tec cult vibe is so strong and so well done. the contrast of "creepy isolated dystopia that thinks its the perfect society / this is the only fucking place left in the world that's clean and safe. people are nice to you. there's food that isn't, like, irradiated mystery organ slurry" vs the chaos and lawlessness of the wasteland, the brutality and ungodly horror of everyday life on the surface / the freedom of choice and expression and the Realness of it. is it better to be controlled but safe, living in a box but a clean well-supplied box, or to be free and know the truth and face Reality but have to live in squalor in constant danger. i feel like the moral questions and social commentary really vibes with the intentions of the fallout games from what ive played through so far, it's taking those thematic elements and expanding on it in a way that's really engaging and interesting.

i love our vault girl so much. she's sweet and sheltered and naive but she's not stupid. she's fucking Brave. she's determined. she believes in the good in people and believes in kindness to the core of her being not because she's brainwashed but because she's a genuinely good person who wants to fix things in a way vault tec never did. she's facing the destruction of everything she believed in and choosing in spite of it all, to stay kind anyway. she has been mocked and hurt and humiliated and degraded but still she chooses kindness. not because she feels like she has to. not because she's too dumb to know better. but because she believes in it. the "golden rule, motherfucker" moment ruined me

i still don't really understand what the brotherhood of steel is or does but i feel like this has at least given me a clearer concept of their culture and beliefs than ive ever gotten before. maybe i need to do a fallout 4 run siding with them to understand them better

i love well meaning dumbass brotherhood boy. ive forgotten his name because he keeps using "titus" which i know wasn't his name but he's cute

completely blindsided by matt berry mr. handy but then realized you know what, they're right, i could not imagine better casting without using the original voice. i love that for him. they did the "extremely politely murders the fuck out of you and then apologizes for the inconvenience" so well also

the gore is so fucking good they captured the casual but hilariously gratuitous violence excellently. we got limbs getting blown off. we got heads exploding. i love this. no notes

im just. im just so happy for good writing and an engaging storyline. so much of media these days suffers from absolute dogshit writing and i expected this to look cool and be sort of generically fun if you like fallout but mostly empty references, and i was completely wrong and i am so happy to be wrong

that said, where are the super mutants. where are the deathclaws. give me super mutants and death claws

[storfulsten]

hmm this post is just me venting and rambling about my social anxiety and such silly stuff so like really genuinely feel free to ignore, mostly just trying to ease my stress levels somehow I guess lol

k so I don't really know how or what to write or how to voice my thoughts properly atm or whatever. but I guess first of all, I am so stupidly fucking grateful for all the new followers and just people generally liking my stuff over the past like month? two months? I don't remember, but it's just mindblowing how much positivity and such whatever the hell there has been, and I love and appreciate all of you so, so much ok. but also like, idk I feel bad I guess getting all these positive good vibes and words thrown my way and feeling so happy about it, but having no idea how to respond to any of it, feeling like I come off as purposely ignoring people and or acting like I'm better than everybody else not interacting with anybody elses content (I've started to try to reblog stuff and such but even that is a fucking struggle for some reason) or even like try to idk talk to people, communicate, or like give some positivity back somehow. but like, I genuinely don't know how to do that, but I want to so bad. but like shit, I am so fucking afraid of talking to new people. like my social anxiety is really bad, and it's been with me for easily the last 15 years, probably before that. in my mid teens it wasn't that bad but getting older made it worse. it probably was several various elements in my life that led to wherever the fuck I ended up with that but I can't remember atm (asbergers and slight depression might be some of it idk). either way at some point something made me avoid trying to interact with and reach out to people, and then I never tried to remedy that or whatever. though like it's not that I never wanted to, like you know make friends and all that, I still genuinely want to do that somehow (a few attempts have been made in the past, all but one didn't work out bc I don't know how to effin talk to or interact with other people lol), I'm just afraid doing or saying the wrong thing and make a fool out of myself constantly. and I guess getting older isn't helping, like the older you are the more cringe it is to even be on the internet in fandom spaces or however you'd word it. like I'm almost twice as old as a lot of people in this fandom, so ofc on top of everything I don't wanna accidentally come off as a creepy old lady for just trying to be idk polite or something. the last thing I wanna do is to make people feel uncomfortable or unsafe somehow, and since the way I formulate and write things using a lot of stupid silly words and spamming lol at the end of every sentence or whatever is probably not the appropriate mature way for someone 30+ to carry themselves, and as such comes off as even weirder and creepier I'm sorry, I have a hard time formulating my thoughts, there's probably even more bullshit to rant on about. but heck this is more than enough to scare people off as it is I'm sure so I’ll stop lol sorry for uh this wordbarf, just needed to clear some stress-induced brainfog I guess, dealing with mental stuff in general sucks. but ye despite everything ranted about I am trying to do better, jury is still out on how that'll end up though, and how long it’ll take. at some point hopefully I'll stop communicating by just throwing likes at people and nothing else lol but yeah as said, I appreciate all of you and your positivity so much, and I hope you all keep being the awesome selves that you are, and just, genuinely thank you sm <3 and like, feel free to just ignore this whole thing lol it's all good, please go look at some funky dudes being cute instead ok? ok

TL;DR anxiety fucking sucks mannn

[alethiometry]

How are you liking AC Valhalla so far? Any characters you love? Any characters you hate? Is there anyone as sexy as Brasidas?

hiiii thank you for asking!! i’m going to keep this as spoiler-free as possible.

i’m really liking it so far! i have my gripes about gameplay mechanics and the buggy launch, but at this point i have either grown used to them or am happily experiencing stockholm syndrome and am just enjoying the game for what it is (and hoping the stuff that needs patching gets patched soon).

here are some things i love:

the voice acting is so good. SO GOOD!!!

eivor! she stands out among the protags of other ac games i’ve played because she always has this community about her. she’s a loved and respected leader to her people, they’re always happy to see her return to the settlement, she’s got her crew to back her up at a moment’s notice, there’s always portions of the main quests where she has companions fighting beside her.

basically all the other characters in ravensthorpe! they’re a fun bunch and a loving community and they have their quirks and i love hanging out with all of them. petra in particular is an absolute sweetheart and not a day goes by where i don’t feel awful for breaking up with her bc my goblin brain decided “lol i want to fuck my stepbrother’s wife who looks like kassandra in sweatpants”

HYTHAM IS A SWEETHEART. we love an assassin who is also, to use 2012 lingo, a pure and sweet cinnamon roll, too perfect for this world.

petting dogs and cats!

how dynamic the settlement is. every time i go back there’s something new and interesting happening, whether it’s a new sidequest an npc wants me to help out with, or a dispute between neighbors, or new dialogue with npcs i repeatedly interact with. i love having a home base that i can upgrade and that i want to spend time in.

the minigames! orlog is fun and frustrating but mostly fun, and the drinking contest is AWESOME.

quick-time assassinations for higher-level enemies! it’s a good balance between the old games where you could just indiscriminately kill fucking anybody in one overpowered hit, and odyssey where you had to either stack your assassination damage to get that sweet OHKO, or straight up fight the polemarchs.

the relationship between eivor and sigurd. i’m only about 40-50% of the way through the game so i’ve only seen a bit of it, but as someone who generally gravitates towards sibling narratives (i.e. odyssey, fullmetal alchemist, and way too many of my prime years wasted on supernatural) i really love their dynamic. i think it was an excellent idea to have that become one of eivor’s central narratives from the very beginning of the game. also, i get to fuck his wife.

(forces through gritted teeth) the... modern... day. i HATED layla in odyssey, to the point where i don’t even remember what happened in the modern story at all because every playthrough except for my very first one i simply mashed the skip button until i got back in the goddamn animus.. and i do not remember a single thing she did in origins. and maybe it says more about me than anything else that i wasn’t able to care about her until ubisoft (finally!!!!) brought back shaun and rebecca to make me care, but... this is the closest the modern day has felt to the desmond games, and there’s post-odyssey continuity with layla’s struggle as the keeper of the staff or whatever, and i really like it!

when you hover over different things in the map, the sound effects change. you get chanting music when you hover over monasteries, and ocean noises when you hover over the ocean! IT’S SUPER NEAT.

taking damage when you swim in the cold cold waters of norway made me chuckle. i can see how it might get annoying, but it doesn’t really bother me that much and it’s not that much damage.

THE SOUNDTRACK GIVES ME CHILLS IT IS SO GODDAMN GOOD

things i’m ambivalent about:

fall damage? i’m peeved that it’s back, but it makes sense. i do love that the breakfall skill makes it so that the most damage i’ve ever gotten from taking a long fall is like... 5 hp lmao

kill animations. they’re really cool and i love seeing what new fun way eivor has to brutally murder her enemies. on the other hand, the shift in camera angle can be annoying in the middle of a massive battle, and if there’s an object in the way of the very specific camera angle then sometimes i can’t see the animation at all and have to just stare at some wood/stone texture for like 10 seconds.

environment puzzles. sometimes they’re fun but sometimes i’m too damn tired to try and figure out the 3895th way to break into a locked building.

side quests world events. they’re fun but also seem largely... pointless? i wish we had one or two longer sidequests; some of my favorite moments in odyssey were on long sidequests like mykonos or the battle of 100 hands. i feel like this was a reactionary mechanic to people complaining that odyssey had “too many” sidequests or something idk.

tattoo parkour. i would like it more if eivor didn’t feel so “sticky” if that makes sense. i like the return of parkour puzzles, and i like collecting tattoos (the tattoo shop is always the first place i visit when i return to ravensthorpe), but the parkour in the game often feels quite clunky.

social stealth. another excellent idea that they brought back, but executed clumsily. i just don’t understand how it works, or, more importantly, why it’s even necessary in the first place. but it’s also easy to ignore, so whatever.

animus glitch platform puzzles. they’re super cool but for some reason give me massive anxiety.

things i don’t love:

some combat mechanics, like having a stamina bar and losing adrenaline when you get hit. i’m not here for any of that *~*~sO gRiTtY aNd rEaLiStIc~*~* bullshit. i just want to have fun and hack shit up.

that motherfucking god damn terrible fucking skill tree/map/web. who the FUCK thought it was a good idea??? the incremental changes between the big nodes feel kind of meaningless, and it’s very difficult to see the (completely arbitrary) progression towards the big nodes because they’re pathed out on SKINNY WHITE FUCKING LINES

synin got nerfed real bad :(

dag is a massive chode. and not even in a fun way, like stentor was in odyssey.

don’t really care for ivarr either if i’m being honest.

i do not give a single shit about fantasy asgard, and i’m kind of peeved that i apparently have to finish that arc in order to finish the game. (i didn’t like the atlantis dlc in odyssey either—a couple hades sidequests notwithstanding—so go figure.)

congratulations on reading this far if you actually bothered to do that! i don’t think any game will top odyssey for me in terms of setting/storyline/general vibes. but valhalla is a great, solid game in its own right.

no npc will EVER be as sexy as brasidas, but eivor is definitely sexier. she and kassandra and aya hold the 3-way title of Sexiest Assassin’s Creed Characters But Not In Like A Creepy Incel Gamer Way.

[roguish-gallery]

Rogues + Internet/Social Media HCs!

Hello!!! this was requested by @geniusbee I struggled a bit with the initial prompt, so I kinda broadened the question, I hope you don’t mind! Once I got the ball rolling with this one, it was super fun to work on! Thank you again for your request!

If anyone wants to, feel free to send me send me more requests! I’d love to do more of these!

Everything is under the Read More bc this got LONG AS FUCK. (Slight TW for sexual references!)

Bane:

Doesn’t use social media. point blank

He’ll surf the web mostly for research or for communication purposes, but that’s mostly it... That being said sometimes he DOES look up stuff for fun because he’s a naturally curious guy who had limited access to education for the first 20-ish years of his life. It sends him down a rabbit hole of researching weird shit and sometimes you’ll catch him up at 4:00 am looking up how bread was made in Ancient Rome or what Cock and Ball Torture is bc he heard Joker say it once and he’s never EVER fucking heard of those words strung together like that before

Also… his fingers are simply too beefy for most keyboards. Dude tryna sit down and send Scandal Savage some fun cookie recipes she could try with her GF like

 Catwoman:

Not a lot to say here but tbh she probably has the most normal internet habits of everyone. Helps to promote cat shelter’s web pages, and will use some light hacking to find the locations of fur factories and animal abusers but that’s mostly it?

If she isn’t already an influencer, she has definitely considered it. Will sometimes post selfies of her wearing stolen jewelry just to flex. Has a legion of simps.

Clayface

Unknowingly gets into kin drama without trying to

He has... so many theather blogs, musical blogs, and obscure film blogs... someone help him... somehow he regularly adds shit to ALL OF THEM. 

He’s that one bitch who hoards all the canon URLs and there’s nothing you can fucking do to stop him.

Harley Quinn:

Her computer is slow and buggy as shit because she’s got so many viruses from trying to download flash games. Edward refuses to fix her computers at this point because he knows it’s a lost cause.

She vlogs sometimes, actually! And she’ll drag her hyenas or any of the rogues/batfam/GCPD she’s hanging out with atm into it.

She likes to go onto anxiety or depression forums and anonymously leave nice, helpful advice :)

Joker:

Mostly on the dark web, doing… things that you do on the dark web...

If he’s ever on the clean web I promise it’s only to start kin drama or to dm fucked up shit to random people he finds.

Has been known to catfish when the mood strikes him

Also? He jumps onto RP forums and either plays the SHITTIEST Batman, or an eerily accurate Batman.

Killer Croc:

He likes looking up funny videos online!!! Also! Art tutorials!!

He likes to post his artwork online under a pseudonym. He doesn’t expect anyone to really pay attention to his work, but it’s always a very pleasant surprise when someone likes or leaves a nice comment on his art.

 He genuinely cherishes all of his followers and the kind interactions he shares with them.

Mad Hatter:

It’s just hat porn and hentai. I’m sorry.

Mr. Freeze:

Normal internet habits tbh. Doesn’t really go on the internet that often because he doesn’t particularly care about keeping up to date with what’s happening.

He used to have a Facebook where he’d post pictures of himself and Nora, but he can’t really do that anymore due to obvious reasons.

Penguin:

Lightly dabbles in dark web shit (for business purposes) but otherwise he’s like an old man on the internet. Checks the stock market and shit. Responds to his emails in a timely manner. He keeps track of everyone’s internet presence but that’s mostly because he enjoys drama and he doesn’t want to be out of the loop in case Eddie starts something again and he needs to know WHY Jervis and Pamela can’t be in the Iceberg at the same time without trying to kill each other.

He REFUSES to make a social media account for the Iceberg Lounge!!!! It is too classy for that!!!

Other than that, though… don’t tell anyone… but he keeps some tabs open on some 🥺🥺🥺 some bird forums and uh 🥺🥺🥺 m🥺🥺🥺 maybe some blogs he has that are all about Jane Austen and Star Trek: The Next Generation 🥺🥺🥺🥺 n-not like he LIKES Star Trek, though!!

Also in Batman #448 it shows that him and Batman canonically play chess with each other online and you know what? That’s cute as hell so I’m gonna say that they still do that.

Poison Ivy:

Surprising no one… she mostly blogs about botany

Will ONLY go onto other parts of the internet to like and share Harley, Selina, or Waylon’s posts and THAT'S IT!!!!

She is not above getting petty in the comment section!! If she finds a video of some clown over-watering their ferns she will absolutely let them know and she will not be polite about it.

Riddler:

Canonically has the best hookup and 100% is the most active online. Like yeah he does a lot of hacking shit but he uses the internet for legit stuff too.

PURPOSEFULLY looks himself up and will argue with anyone who talks smack about him on literally any of the search results. He WILL remember your username and he WILL publicly mock you for it when he freezes your laptop or when he takes over the broadcasting waves in Gotham again.

You KNOW he has a social media account for everything. He WILL talk about how smart and sexy he is and he WILL get around any attempts made to get him blocked, suspended, or banned. 

“You fool… I have 70  A L T E R N A T I V E  A C C O U N T S”

He is the self-proclaimed tech-guru of the Rogues. He WILL harass you if you are using the wrong web browser or if you have TOO MANY FUCKING TABS OPEN FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU.

He calms down somewhat once he becomes a P.I. He’ll take selfies at crime scenes and livestream himself when he’s finding clues or chasing someone down! He’s absolutely obsessed with it and he gets super popular. He knows that he shouldn’t broadcast himself solving crimes... but... the clicks... the views... his stans...

Enjoys gaming and modding whenever he has free time.

Scarecrow:

He hasn’t been in a classroom in years but if you looked at his internet habits you would think he’s still teaching psychology at Gotham U. Responds to emails responsibly (but NOT on weekends or after 10 pm!!)

Probably wouldn���t blog these days, but when he was younger he had a page where he would discuss his psychology work.

He mostly uses the internet for research or to order chemicals but he’ll often get swept up in some inane message chain with Harley and Eddie and he HATES IT.

He has like two dozen tabs open on his computer because he forgets about them and even though some of the tabs have been there for so long that he GENUINELY can’t remember why they were there, he keeps them because it makes Edward break into hives every time he tries to watch what he’s doing online. Giving Edward Nygma anxiety sweats is easy and free and should be done often.

Two-Face:

He uses incognito mode… whenever he needs to google embarrassing questions…

He likes to peruse the dark web but sometimes he enjoys hopping onto r/legaladvice and r/relationships and reads that shit like it's the Sunday paper.

If he’s bored or is having a bad mental day, he likes to look up all the Google doodle games that Google keeps archived. they’re all really cute and are a lot of fun to goof around with whenever he’s wanting to play something light and quick!

[ziracona]

hey zira, what are your hot takes on all of the fo4 companions?

Haha, I don’t know how hot they are, but I can give you a speed run! (Also I am very excited to get this. FO4 was the first open world game I ever played and just the concept of that and the hugeness of the world and branching story & sudden feeling changes towards me in companion characters totally blew my mind, & it still lives rent free in my heart).

Ada, Old Longfellow, and Strong I /still/ haven’t maxed despite having too many hundred hours to want to list on this game—the former bc they were DLC, Strong because honest to god I left him at a nice settlement and then completely forgot about him and remembering that I am the energy in this Ryan O’Flanagan video but abt leaving my super mutant in a tiny settlement alone. I will get there! To max affinity I mean. But anyway, I don’t truly know those three, so my takes are incomplete. So far though, I really like Ada. She is a good girl just trying her best. Fucks me up I can tell her to self destruct. Even though I feel sure she would ignore me, I cannot imagine ever saying that to her. It was really sweet she was willing to forgive the Mechanist and move on with her life. A good girl. Longfellow I am maxing rn (was last time I played anyhow). I enjoy him. Gruff grumpy old man but he seems quite decent and I like his idle banter and when he sings to himself a lot. Seems like he’s had it rough. Strong I liked. He’s wild, and I loved how insane meeting him was, and am worried about him eventually understanding poetry and how that might mess up his sense of world understanding. But he’s a chill dude in his own way and I am glad they gave us at least one nice super mutant.

For the companions I actually do know like the back of my hand, the speedrun:

Nick Valentine: Best man on earth. One of two fictional characters I ever called husband. I would die kill or live for him. I want to be 1/4th the man Nick Valentine is. One of the best characters ever period and I adore literally everything about him. It fucked me up early in game where right after he offered to basically risk destroying his mind to help a stranger look for her son, he asked me how I was doing. First character in the entire game to do that. His first companion dialogue is abt how you’re doing TuT. The man is very kind and forgiving and fair, but knows when the draw the line and take no shit. Emotionally mature, kind, caring, longsuffering. Incredibly damaged and broken by life, but holding on and living kindly and to help others anyway. One of the four most marryablen fictional men I’ve ever seen.

Preston Garvey: Brave, kind, sweet man. I would defend him with my life. He really just wants so bad to make the world better and life has been so hard, but he’s still trying. A beautiful and underrated companion and I would throw hands for him on sight. I adore how he whistles. A true and gentle and loyal friend. Take him to Quincy and let him get his justice it’s what he deserves. People who hate him because he tries to get help helping civilians in that game are weak. I love him so much... please give him enough time to reach max affinity he’s so worth it.

Deacon: *To the tune of You Are My Dad* You are my friiiiend! You’re my friend! (Boogie woogie woogie). Initially, he pissed me off bc he lies all the god damn time, but after we got close enough he actually trusted me, he stole my heart and I would also die for Deacon. He’s a really good person who thinks he’s shit because of who he was on his past. Also him 🤝 Preston: massive survivor’s guilt. They should be friends. Poor Deacon has been the last member of the Railroad like four times, and it’s awful. Help him. Give him love and support. He’s one of my all time faves. Also, Railroad hands down best faction and if you kill them for any reason other than like a walkthrough route video and I ever get the chance I would 100% clock you in the face as hard as I can, like going for losing teeth, and feel no guilt. I know it’s a game and that’s wrong, and I’d be wrong, but I’d still do it. Also, Ryan Alosio (his VA) saw me do cosplay for Deacon once and told me it was great and it filled me with even more love. Anyway Deacon is great. Also, his whole “There are other organisations out there. And, in time, I'm sure they're going to spoon-feed you their own patented form of bullshit. Ignore the verbage and look at what they're doing. What they're asking you to do. What sort of world they'd have you build and how they're going to pay for it.” Is one of the like, two most iconic quotes in all of FO4 & just super good in general.

Hancock: Hardcore badass man but also a good dude and a champion for the people. Man really puts his money where his mouth is and you gotta respect that; another favorite companion for sure. Big fan of the way he stabs a guy for you upon meeting, and is a cool leader who organized his crime and does a decent job actually leading. He works hard to help people and bites back hard. Social justice advocate, dangerous man about town, not afraid to cosplay a revolutionary war hero 24/7 & u gotta respect the no fucks given attitude. A chill dude. Like that he fights the institute, hates the Brotherhood, helps the Railroad, and is friends with Nick. He’s legit af. Also, his VA gives a different answer every time someone asks him about the voice he did for hancock and they’re funny af.

Piper Wright: A cool spunky lady. Lois Lane on the case, kicking butt, and taking name. She’s nice but also hardcore and smart, supportive, fun. A good person. You always get points if you like Nick (which most companions do), and they’re good friends. She’s funny and I love her. A good heart.

Codsworth: He’s great. He’s family. He’s like my...weird brother. Getting to max affinity is heartwarming and also makes my heart go :’-] . Great early-game companion bc he kicks ass and doesn’t need stims to heal. I love getting called by my name and think that was a great feature (well, my PC’s name). He’s a wonderful funky little robot dude and I am so glad he likes me.

Dogmeat: Amazing. A good boy. Doggo of the year. His actor deserved the game award she won. Cute, full of love, and plays with a teddy bear if you give him one. 100/10z

Cait: I like her a lot. She’s been through so much shit, and it makes sense she is how she is. I like they actually gave her an emaciated and messy (though still pretty) design, since she is a drug addict. And that they make her main quest about taking that seriously and wanting to get help, and that she’ll call out the player if they fuck around and do drugs in front of her after she gets rehabilitated. Her relationship to the PC if good is really sweet, and I am a fan. I like that while she’s not sympathetic to synths and thinks they aren’t people, she forgets that every time Nick walks into a room and is like “Oh hey Nicky : )”. She’s a good girl who has been through a lot and still needs time to heal and find herself, but she’s making great strides.

Robert Joseph MacCready: Human disaster (loving). Homeboy a goddamn /mess/ but I love him. He tries so hard to be cool. I love he makes you pay him to come with, then chickens out and gives it back lol. A fool ball of anxiety and bad decisions and what he thinks brovado is. I wish he, Preston, and Deacon would quit fighting, bc I am always like “ :’-] </3 Boys Please” when they swap out, but I love them just the same. He’s doing his best, he’s just stupid and a fool. Like Philip J Fry. Keeping his goddamn soldier toy, which somehow is listed as junk instead of sent to Misc with quest items where it would be fine, safe?parylizes me with fear. I’ve lost 2 hours of gameplay reloading an old save bc I accidentally lost it.

X6-88: A more complex one to answer about. He’s bad, but like, I’m pretty sympathetic to how he got that way. He was created in a lab and had his emotions mostly dragged out of him in intense psychologically damaging training so he would be a weapon and view himself as an object. I was relieved he chose me over the institute even if he wasn’t a fan of the chocie, and think that means there’s a lot of hope for him. Wish he’d chill the fuck out and quit intimidating civilians for 6 god damn seconds, but I like him. I bring him fancy lad snack cakes home from travels all the time, bc Synths are supposed to like them. Really like that he’s the /most/ sympathetic companion towards Danse in Blind Betrayal, even though he should not be programmed for that, and Danse hated him and made it clear any time they interacted.

(EDIT) Curie: I FORGOT HER BABY IM SO SORRY. I like Curie a lot, despite the fact I temporarily forgot she existed. I stg I thought she was in here. Uhhh, okay. Curie: like her character and personality, HUGE un-fan of both the way her desire to get a synth body is to be ‘more real,’ as if Codsworth isn’t a fully realized person while the same robot type she is, instead of just like. Because it would make her happy. ALSO hate how much of a Born Sexy Yesterday she is, even intentionally in not-determinate affinity talks. It’s gross. But her herself, I like a lot. She’s my daughter and I will protect her. She works at The Castle right now as their on-site medic.

Paladin Danse: I know I’m gonna take heat for this but honestly? He didn’t do much for me. I like that he looks and sounds kinda like Buzz Lightyear, and that’s fun, but idk at all why people think he’s so hot. He’s very boring & generic looking to me. Like you’re valid! Taste all be different. But he doesn’t do it for me personally in looks or personality. I don’t at all like, hate him. Or even dislike. Tbh I am fairly neutral on him. It was funny making affinity with him though. Every other companion I had maxed, I liked more and more with each affinity talk. They’d be like “So my dad was a minuteman and died and I want to honor him” or “I just want to really feel like I’m a person, for real, myself, and I am glad I met you, because the good we have achieved together is ours, even if I can’t be sure of anything else,” or “My brother threw the cultural minorities out of our city for clout bc the rich citizens were all racist, and I tried to help—I snuck them food to the unsafe ruins they set up in for weeks, but eventually, they just vanished, and I still bear immense guilt and self-hatred over not having stopped that.” And Danae’s would be like “One time a buddy of mine got kidnapped by super mutants. They turned him into one of them, and they’re all abominations, so I killed him and it made me really sad.” And I was just like “...Oh danse. I really wanted to like you more. But what the fuck.” His relationship to Haylen is sweet though. And ofc I saved him in Blind Betrayal. I blew up the Prydwin so he’s safe now too, and he lives in the garden by my house and tells me how glad he is we’re friends, and I’m p into that. Overall, my feelings on him are not strong at all though.

Porter Gage: Not a fan. Like, I appreciated he helped me kill the old boss, sure. And bc I owed him for that, I went to max affinity to see what there was to him as a person. And like, as far as raiders go, he was okay. But he wasn’t deeply sympathetic, and he’s a slaver, and if you try to liberate the slaves he and the others own, he /will/ turn on and attempt to murder you immediately, no matter how close you were, so he made his choice, and it was to be a bad person and an asshole to the last. Really enjoyed the VA’s work a lot on him tho.

And there you have it 👈👈😎. Thanks for asking!

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #332

i’m even more tired than before to try and think up song lyrics, i’m pasting from Word and then fucking off to bed lmao.

What was the last video message you received on your phone? I think it was a clip of Doris (Sara's beardie) eating and just being her perfect self? Was your last birthday cake homemade or store bought? Store-bought. One thing you miss about middle school? Shit, nothing. Middle school was the worst. Do you have any shirts signed by famous people? No. Have you ever entered an art competition? Yes. Would you ever pierce yourself? No. I am very much about having a professional do your body mods/art. Plus, I have tremors in my hands. Do you live in a safe neighbourhood? Supposedly. We haven't lived here nearly long enough to know. What is the last thing you did that shocked someone? /shrug Do you often find yourself questioning your future? Only always. Have you ever been for a ride in the back of a truck? Yeah. Do you like your license photo? I hate my permit picture. Are you into superheroes? Who’s your favorite? Not very, but I like 'em enough. I always say my favorite is Deadpool, but I know he's technically an anti-hero, but whatever. If you don't include him, uhhhh... maybe Spiderman. Have you started watching any new TV shows recently? No. Have you ever been able pet a normally wild animal, like a tiger or dolphin? No. :( At least, not to my recollection. Have you ever eaten snow? Yeah. There's actually a winter treat 'round here that you make with snow and sugar called snow cream. Good stuff. What is the messiest area in your home? Right now, the spare room/my wanna-be "office." What’s your favorite computer game genre? Still horror, like video games. Do you have any exes your parents never liked? No. Have you received financial help from your parents in the past 5 years? I'm completely financially dependent on them still. Are you a fast or a slow eater? I eat like, stupid fast, but without being messy. People *cough*Mom*cough* will absolutely point it out, but I seriously can't help it. Making a conscious effort to eat slow feels way too weird. What was the last thing you purchased from a small local business? I don't know. Is there anyone in your family/household whom you frequently argue with? No. Have you ever used chewing tobacco? Ew, no. Tell me what's on your mind? I've been considering yet again reaching out to some tattoo parlors and asking if they're open to hiring someone to handle the front desk and take care of business besides actually performing piercing and tattooing, given my tremors. My group therapy has kinda been encouraging me to use the possibility for social exposure, and besides, I'm very comfortable in the environment and just general aura of tat parlors. I'm sure I'd have to answer the phone, handle money, and obviously talk to costumers, but I know and accept that. I've been at such a stagnant point with my social anxiety in particular that I have to start pushing back harder, and doing this I feel would be one of the most relaxed, social job positions I can hopefully handle. I don't dare to even try this though until I get vaccinated to protect my immunocompromised mom. Writing this all out has actually been pretty encouraging about this idea... Do you wish you never dated someone you dated? Yeah, Tyler. It was such a "I'm lonely and he was nice in high school, so we'll try it" situation. I got nothing from it. Are you scared of growing old alone? Pretty badly. What are you listening to right now? I'm listening to/semi-watching John Wolfe play the remaster of Resident Evil 2. What breed was the last dog you saw? He was a German shepherd. Would you ever go swimming during a thunderstorm? No. Any time a thunderstorm was brewing and I was in the pool, I'd always get out. What is the next concert you will attend? Mom and I plan to see Ozzy when/if he reschedules his tour after he had to cancel with his Parkinson's diagnosis. What was the name of the last pet of yours that died? Teddy. :/ What's the highest science class you have taken? I don't know, actually. What makes you squeal like a school girl? No shame, seeing Mark and Amy do something cute together actually does this, lmao. What’s your favorite symbol? (i.e. the pentagram, the cross, etc.) Do fictional ones count? Because in that case, the Halo of the Sun from the Silent Hill franchise. I'm getting it tattooed somewhere at some point, I'm thinking the left side of my neck. I'm either gonna fashion it in a way where it looks branded on or carved into me. Have you ever been on anti depressants? For all of my pre-teen, teen, and some of my adult life. Apparently, I've only had one truly educated psychiatrist out of no less than a dozen I'd seen, because he fixed me right up. He taught me that those who suffer from bipolarity should avoid anti-depressants; they ramp up your bipolar symptoms. Instead, mood stabilizers are favorable. And what do you know, after I was prescribed a stabilizer and a catalyst for that medication, my depression decreased dramatically and became handleable. Have you ever starved yourself? Kinda. What’s the stupidest name you’ve ever given a pet? I had a guinea pig named Harry Potter. For no particular reason lmao. I'm not even a Harry Potter fan. Do you have nice legs? God no. Do you like fedoras? Okay so I know I am in the strong minority, but I actually do, haha. What is your favorite food group? Carbs. @_@ Have you ever got told that you should be a model? No, but one of the most flattering indirect compliments I've ever gotten was being mistaken for one. Jason's phone wallpaper was one of my favorite pictures of myself with my first snake, and someone asked him if I was a model. ;v;' What song is in a language you don’t speak, but you love it anyway? "Donaukinder" by Rammstein is one of my faves. Who’s a villain you sympathize with and why? SOBS Darkiplier bc his origins are so damn tragic and unfair. What book do you think should be directed as a film? Was The Giver ever made into one? I don't remember that book well, but I do recall it being absolutely beautiful. Have you ever found a stranger’s note somewhere? If so, what did it say? No. Have you ever edited Wikipedia? No. Have you ever edited any other wiki? Yeah. I have thousands on the Silent Hill wiki, where I'm one of the admins. I'm also a content moderator at the Team Ico (Shadow of the Colossus devs) one. Every now and again I used to go on the meerkats wiki as well, where I mainly fixed the fucking nightmarish grammar. Very briefly, I edited at the Dragons of Atlantis wiki as well. Do you get scared when you know some virus or sickness is being passed? Not very, but of course I still acknowledge the risk and am more conscious of hand washing and stuff. What popular social media platforms AREN’T you on? Snapchat, I don't actually use my Twitter, I don't have a personal Instagram... There may be more, idk. Is TikTok a "social media platform?" Because I don't have that, either. What was the name of the first porcelien doll you got? Never had one, given I was afraid of dolls as a kid. What’s your favorite Paramore song? "Decode." Would you be happy with a life without romance? To be entirely honest, I'd feel like I was missing something. Was your childhood happy? Mostly. What fundamentally matters do you? Love, kindness, peace, all that gooey stuff. Is true world peace ever possible? As much as I hate to admit it, I don't think so. The human population is far too big to come to a unanimous agreement on anything. Do you hold yourself to higher standards than you hold others? Yeah. Would you ever own a pet black widow spider? No. I'm getting more into the idea of owning invertebrates (I jabber enough about wanting tarantulas, and there are others, like mantises, I'm interested in as pets), but black widows, I'm not into the idea of having. Too venomous for me to be comfortable risking. If you have a job, what is the longest shift that you've worked? N/A Do you know all of the words to "Bohemian Rhapsody?" FUCK YES I DO. ^ Do you sing it with all of the different voices? sho nuff Do you own more than one copy of a certain book? No. Do you like interpreting poetry or just reading it for fun? Both. I love symbolism, so I get joy out of digging for subtle meanings in poems. Do you have a favorite Dr. Suess book? Yeah, it was always Green Eggs and Ham. Do you watch The Walking Dead? If so, favorite character? Not the show, but I've watched let's plays of the games, haha. In which case Clementine is inarguably one of the best female characters in a video game universe. Who has/had the most mature romantic relationship you’ve seen with your own eyes? Uhhh. I mean I never saw them much, but probably my late grandmother and her last husband. He was fucking incredible to her, and Grammy adored him as well. They helped each other so much and just obviously had the purest love between them. When was the last time you got something for free (legally)? What was it & have you enjoyed it so far? Lmao do balls in Pokemon GO count? Their occasional free boxes are the reason I can play the game because PokeStops are essentially non-existent here, so yes. What is the one fruit you can’t stand to eat? How about vegetable? The first one that came to me were oranges. I enjoy orange juice, but I just caaaaannot with the white veiny shit that you can't totally get off when peeling it. Without that, I might actually enjoy them, but idk. As for vegetable, asparagus is absolutely abhorrent. When’s the last time you actually recited the pledge? If you aren’t American, do/did you have anything similar in your country that you do during a time at school? Probably not since high school. Last person you shared food with? Ummm I have no idea. It's really just Mom and me here and we eat our own stuff. What was the last song you heard for the first time and enjoyed? I believe it waaas... "Down In The Park" by Marilyn Manson, maybe. If your life was a TV show, what would be the theme song? My inner high school emo just screamed "All Signs Point to Lauderdale" by AD2R. Who are some of your favorite female fictional characters, and why? Gahdamn, there's a lot. I don't feel like going through a mental list in my head and then describing why. A character (in anything) you wish hadn’t been killed off? Vol'jin; I think the entire WoW fanbase will forever be pissed about it. It was THE most "lul we dunno what 2 do w/ him anymore, let's let a totally random, unnamed, unimportant demon kill him" like what the fuck, Blizz. Most of his "oomph" was in the book, and I just really wish they'd done so much more with him in the game. Has anything “cute” happened in the past week? Off the top of me noggin, no. When did you last say “I love you”? Did you mean it? Yesterday to Sara. OF course I did. Is there someone who pops into your mind at random times? Hi, PTSD, how are ya. Have you ever slept all day? Essentially. When I was on a larger dose of my anxiety med, I physically couldn't stay up for barely even five minutes, and when I'd lie back down, boom, I was OUT. I stayed on that dosage for I think just that one day, it was so bad. Can you have kids? Well, I have a functioning menstrual cycle, so I would assume so. Doesn't mean I will, though. What colors of mascara have you worn on your lashes? Only black. Do you like eating sour things? Hell yeah, I love sour stuff, candy in particular. Do you like pickles? fuuuuck yeah Did you ever have a really close friend move away? Yeah, in elementary school. I feel bad I can't remember her name at the moment... What's the most creative thing you've ever done? I mean, I guess the things I've written in RP. What's the most creative thing someone has done for you? For me? I don't really know. Do you like to watch ghost-hunting shows? Sure, they're some of my favorites. What’s something you’d like to be better at? Social interaction. Have you ever stayed up to talk to someone who was sad? Yeah. Do you think you would make a good parent? No. I know I wouldn't. The only time I ever wanted kids was with Jason, and honestly, I really hope I don't end up with a man because I never want to deal with that urge again and make a mistake. I'm just in no way emotionally fit to be a mother. How many best friends do you have? Just one. What do you cry over the most? My PTSD, honestly. I never sob about it anymore, just shed some tears. What language did/do you take in high school? Latin for one semester, then all four available for German. Which sports do you follow? None. Who was the last person you talked about marriage or having kids with? About marriage, Sara. Kids, the subject was lightly touched upon with Girt, though "with" was never a part of it, but obviously implied seeing as we were dating with long-term in mind. Have you ever been in a house fire? No, thankfully. Have you ever made out for one straight hour? them is rookie numbers Are you any good at remembering phone numbers? No. I literally don't even know my own, nor my mother's. I need to fix that. Who is your best friend of the opposite sex? Girt. Do you have a bookshelf? If so, just one or how many? No. If I gave you twenty bucks what would you do with it? Save it to go towards Venus' terrarium. Is there a movie from your childhood that you still watch today? Well of course! I'm unashamed to watch any "kids" movie I enjoy, like Disney ones. Most "kids" movies tend to be better than those intended for adults, it seems... Are you afraid of mice? Oh no, I adore mice and I think had a pair as pets before I got rats. What type of souvenir do you usually purchase when on vacation? I can't really answer this; I haven't gone on nearly enough vacations to develop a theme. I can say confidently though it'd probably be something small. If you could see any musical on Broadway right now, what would it be? I don't enjoy musicals. Have you ever watched Doctor Who? One or two with Sara, yes. I know we at least watched the weeping angels episode. If you read, which book or series did you enjoy most as a child? Warriors by S.E. Hinton. Sometimes I wanna get back into them, but I am YEARS behind and more into Wings of Fire anyway, so. I don't read nearly enough for both. How do you get rid of your hiccups? Literally no trick seems to work for me. I just suffer lmao.

[jewpacabruhs]

hi guys! so this post is gonna be a rambly mess but fuck it, here ya go. if u dont wanna read all of it, u dont have to; skip down to underneath the tl;dr in bold text for the important bits :)

(there’s a brief & non-graphic mention of a triggering topic in the next paragraph. please be sure to skip this next paragraph if the thought of suicide is going to upset you.)

alright. so i didn't share this originally, but i spent some time in a psychiatric unit this month. suicidality related. 1000% unrelated from anything online, i've just struggled with depression for a very long time & shit happens. i didn't intend to share that at all & i certainly don't want pity; i'm telling u guys bc my time in the unit was extremely eye-opening, and i have some insight to share. since i've gotten out, with the help of my newest anti-depressant (fourth time’s a charm lol), i'm seeing the world in a better light & i finally have the energy to and the interest in exploring what it has to offer, which frankly i've never had before.

with that has come the realization that i’ve come to do something very unhealthy, and i want to break out of it. and that’s how much i’ve come to rely on my fandom life. i don’t want to get too candid publicly, but mental illness took a lot from me, and i lost most of my life, my future, and my options in the last few years. next year will involve a lot of working on rebuilding things. but in the time that i let things fall to pieces around me & i absolutely couldn’t get out of bed, i had a phone and i had a laptop. so when i couldn’t get up and physically face the world, i built up a new world online.

and i don’t think that’s a completely uncommon experience. most people are able to better manage things, and evenly juggle real life with an internet life (like i did back in middle school), because most people can’t abandon their real lives entirely like i managed to; but i do think a lot of people nowadays rely on their fandom life and their fandom friends when their irl situation isn’t ideal. and that’s an excellent coping mechanism in theory, but i think it’s debilitating in the long run.

forgive me for sounding like an old person, but i’m a heavy nostalgist and a bit of an anarcho-primitivist in that i resent modern technology's influence on society - but that hasn't stopped me from letting it be a big part of my life out of accessibility. the internet kept me occupied during my low points, and i became dependent, but i've realized i don't wanna live like that anymore. i’m vaguely grateful that it usually kept me busy enough that i wasn’t thinking the bad thoughts as frequently, but more than anything, i’m resentful that my grasp on reality got lost somewhere along the way, and i let time get away from me, too. because, again, an internet life should be a fun hobby, but when it’s a lifestyle and it becomes an excuse to avoid dealing with our real lives, bc our real lives aren’t as rewarding or as exciting, then it’s unhealthy.

everything’s at our fingertips these days, but i deeply believe human interaction, fun, and fulfillment shouldn't be spoon-fed to us through a screen. it's easy access, sure, but at the end of the day, is it any way to live? compared with how much world there is to see, i’m no longer satisfied with the thought of sitting behind a screen for another five years. i used to be, when i had no hope and no drive, but not anymore. i’m not gonna let myself settle for staying busy with the thing that takes the least amount of work & movement. not only because i’m a whole ass adult who needs to start sorting my shit out for the long run, but also because i deserve better.

and it’s fucking hard! especially for those of us who are neurodivergent. i dropped out of school three fucking times due to crippling social anxiety and utter lack of ambition and energy. i lost all my friends through that (making friends post-school is hard af); the thought of having to go out and remake friends makes me wanna fucking cry. i have a hard enough time making friends online, i’ve even come to struggle with correspondence thru text & email. phone calls? outta the question. but that’s therapy shit, and i know i’ll get there. i just have to stop putting life off by staying in a comfort zone.

and it’s interesting; depression and anxiety really took everything from me, and while i was dwelling in my own misery, my adhd worsened and decided to make my entire brain revolve around my fixations, so i didn’t have to deal with my own life. can’t think about how much you wanna die and how much you can’t function in society if you’re busy thinking about a ship you like or a character you find interesting. so i latched onto the safety of that. aggressively. problem with that is that once you let your “happiness” (as much of it as you can feel in the midst of your depressive episode, anyway) revolve around an interest, that’s all you have. so you become dependent and reliant, and that’s never good, especially if you’re someone like me who feels pathetic & ridiculous when you realize it’s all you can bring yourself to care about. 

and i think that’s what i realized in the psych ward (where there’s legitimately nothing to do; i did soooo much more thinking than usual, and i already think too much haha); mental illness will try to fuck up your lifestyle, so you have to eradicate the things that’ll let that happen in the first place. for example, like i said, my adhd tries to counteract my depression by making me hyperfixate and/or hyperfocus on something else to protect me from bad personal thoughts, and that’s good in theory (doing something you enjoy when you feel bad, to distract urself, is the number one most basic coping skill you learn), but i can’t do it in moderation, i let it run my life, and that’s made me worse in the long run. so i have to force myself out of that completely and not let myself fixate on things that make me happy in the short term, but don’t ultimately further me as a person. having fixations helped me through some awful times, but now i need to force myself to grow up, you know?

and while tumblr and other social media is an excellent way to indulge those fixations, it’s an aggressive enabler, in more ways than one. what i mean by that... okay, so while i’m the type of person who self-destructs while unhealthy, i do occasionally lash out. and i know some people completely explode rather than implode when they’re not doing well. and that’s how you get discourse, i think. because when mental illness makes us care much more about our interests than we ought to, and someone has a differing opinion about that interest, the instinct is of course to attack, if you’re that kind of person. i don’t think i am, but depression and boredom go hand in hand, and i might be inclined to care more about discourse than i would if i were healthy, purely because it’s entertaining and something to do. 

that’s a long winded way of saying, while i stand wholeheartedly by my past positions, i do regret starting shit in the first place. i’m not the kind of person who genuinely cares about much and i have little to no sense of morality (im a chaotic neutral bastard), so the fact i was bored enough to start shit really goes against my character and says a lot about how bad i’ve been. so i apologize for all that. but, again, i think that's just what happens when something is truly your everything. and i think the chronic negativity of modern fandom is a result of how damn seriously we all take it, because we care so much and we’re so dependent. fandom’s supposed to be fun, but it’s just too damn stressful this way.

idk my point in sharing all this, but i do think it'd be cool if this kinda got yall thinking. even if you don't engage in discourse, if fandom is just one of your only consistent sources of happiness, that's not healthy either. we all gotta break out & exist more & louder & more positively. and unfortunately i think tumblr fandom (and maybe all modern fandom) is no longer a place that encourages positivity and health.

but for all my criticism, i do just wanna say how eternally grateful i am that i was fortunate enough to meet the people i call my best friends through tumblr. they're my family, truly, and all the bullshit in this fandom has been worth it simply because it brought them to me. i love them to death and i always will, even if interests change, even if we grow apart, even if we quit speaking entirely in the next few years, i love them with my whole heart in a way that transcends a simple fandom friendship and i'm so glad we bonded over sp in the first place. that’ll never change.

i will also always love south park itself. now that the cat's outta the bag about my hospital visit, i can brag about my most pathetic and obsessive accomplishment; the fact that i've never let circumstance stop me from watching a new south park as it airs, and i've now watched sp on 1) an airplane, and 2) in a psych ward. i win for most dedicated fan tbfh. dsjkf & i'll keep that tradition, and i'll still watch this stupid show til it ends! it'll always hold a special place in my heart, & kyman's still my most meaningful & long-term ship. i'll never stop loving it. 

tl;dr

so, to recap; for 2020 i'm making myself step back from fandom (not just sp fandom, but fandom in general) and quit letting my world revolve around my fixations so i can enjoy the outside world a little more, mental illness be damned, and the first step is gonna be quitting tumblr. this blog won't be deleted and i may occasionally post (maybe when next season airs) but you're absolutely free to unfollow bc this'll be a mostly inactive blog. i’m also unfollowing everyone, so mutuals, please don’t take that personally. 

i will, however, try to write more prolifically, bc fic writing is something i'm able to do in moderation & enjoy, and i hope to get back into it. so if you'd like, you can keep an eye out for any upcoming fanfic i may post - my ao3 is leere. i also have snapchat, instagram, & twitter my mutuals can ask for asap (bc ill be logging out for good by the afternoon of the 31st, which is tomorrow) - though i'm not very active on any of them. still, if you wanna have access to me, i’ll be there.

i want some connection to the fandom still, albeit without letting my life revolve around it, so i'll be starting a new open-to-the-public kyman discord server! the post with the invite for that will go up soon. nvm im too anxious  

thank you for reading, thank you for the good times (thnks fr th mmrs), and i hope everyone has a good 2020! 

[lcnguor]

THE POSITIVE & NEGATIVE; Mun & Muse - Meme.

fill out & repost ♥ This meme definitely favors canons more, but I hope OC’s still can make it somehow work with their own lore, and lil’ fandom of friends & mutuals. Multi-Muses pick the muse you are the most invested in atm.

My muse is:   canon / oc / au / canon-divergent / fandomless /

Is your character popular in the fandom?  YES / NO.

Is your character considered hot™ in the fandom?  YES / NO / IDK.

Is your character considered strong in the fandom?  YES / NO / IDK.

Are they underrated?  YES / NO.

Were they relevant for the main story?  YES / NO.

Were they relevant for the main character?  YES / NO / THEY’RE THE PROTAG.

Are they widely known in their world?  YES / NO.

How’s their reputation?  GOOD / BAD / NEUTRAL.

How strictly do you follow canon?  — Since she is an OC with her own lore I would say pretty much . Of course there are some heres and theres and she changed a lot from the first time I dragged her out of the void of my head . I originally wanted to make more of a gag character but ended up taking too much of the screen if I’m honest . but of course , since there is many other lores and crossovers are a must , some things change once or twice .

SELL YOUR MUSE! Aka try to list everything, which makes your muse interesting in your opinion to make them spicy for your mutuals.  —  Nora is a mentor character , supportive and most likely to be the ace under the sleeve like a Kisuke Urahara from Bleach or Sinbad from Magi --- you know there’s something fishy but there is a charm that even thought they are slidding in the background for the main character , their relevance is vast . As a mentor characters , she would often help with insight , understanding of complex things , giving moral lessons and giving others a sense of security whilst also making sure to throw hints about a doubious nature . Keeping a character around her to keep their feet on ground while never shooting down their hopes and dreams .

Now the OPPOSITE, list everything why your muse could not be so interesting (even if you may not agree, what does the fandom perhaps think?).  —  She is not approachable unless you have enough guts to -- perhaps even looks intimidating or hard to come up with something plausible to make the meeting more natural . And honestly , she looks like a mainstream angst character at first glance --- even I myself believe this and start having second thoughts ... :laughs:  

What inspired you to rp your muse?  —  An old project I had archived in my closet of memories (?). She was the main , nameless character of a journal about , well , her and the emotions she had to deal with in the everyday . I will be seriously honest ... it was a self insert :blushes: after all it was like a personal journal I was doing on my darkest days . But after that , she became Sable -- the first character on her own -- who also served as a mentor ( but the story was much more dark , seriously ) and then just came to this . I even used the pre-prototype name lol . The idea was to put the whole story into a RPG pixel game or a short comic series where she ( Sable ) and the protagonist would wander around a city called “Nobody’s Home” , a place were people with “thats” ( what now are called Stalkers ) got dragged into and either confront their emotions and solve / comes in terms with them or get eaten by them ( a metaphor for suicide or dead by mental illness ) . The story was more or less about Sable teaching Nona ( the genderless protagonist ) about different mental states , issues and others and helping people solve them so they can return to the real world . Needless to say , the story ends with Nona returning after coming in terms with their condition ( funnily enough , the protagonist had a bunny shaped emotion ) while on the other hand Sable stayed behind along with her closest friend , who she question why he keeps being around if he could return himself , to what he replies he doesn’t want to leave her alone esp since she can no longer return --- hinting Sable committed suicide but by sheer will power remained there to help others to deal with what she couldn’t . Voez , the friend I mention , is even Victor from her current lore . Haha , I like recycling I guess . When I came with Nora , it was mostly to kill time and altered her base story a bit since the original plot was way to close up to make an interaction .

What keeps your inspiration going?  —  How well received she became , I know it sounds a bit ... uh , bad . But I honestly never expected people to like her . heck I even have my doubts about myself liking her haha . plus I know it’s not easy to deal with a character with a somewhat meta power ... I still struggle from time to time but I’m managing and having the support I have atm is something that keeps me going . I love plot a shit lot . I love to come up with ideas with others . To expand what I already have . besides , there is so much I haven’t write down yet that is about her lore but I’m a bit insecure yet . I guess I’m too used to forums where everyon follows a general plot haha ... old habits die hard .

Some more personal questions for the mun.

Give your mutuals some insight about the way you are in some matters, which could lead them to get more comfortable with you or perhaps not.

Do you think you give your character justice?  YES / NO / EHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Do you frequently write headcanons?  YES / NO / 50-50

Do you sometimes write drabbles?  YES / NO, I HATE DRABBLES.

Do you think a lot about your Muse during the day?  YES/ NO.

Are you confident in your portrayal?   YES / NO / .... UHHHH

Are you confident in your writing?  YES / HAHA NO.

Are you a sensitive person?  YES VERY MUCH A LOT / NO.

Do you accept criticism well about your portrayal?  —  I haven’t got any so far --- which honestly surprises me because well ... there is so much that can bother people . as I said , I received a lot of support and praise , which also surprises me haha ... I won’t deny I would love to hear what people think , even if I later end up riding the anxiety train to the moon but it’s also a way to grow up , I believe . god ... I sound like nora Uu

Do you like questions, which help you explore your character?  —  I absolute love this and need this . It comes easier for me to make a 20 word pages of information about stuff if I’m asking specifically about it . even add explanatory drawings with it lolol since I’m kinda bad with words . besides , showing me interest on a character would just fire the heck out of me to keep going . I mean , everyone likes to get some curiosity and a chance to develop more their characters , canon or not .

If someone disagrees to a headcanon of yours, do you want to know why?  —  I would for sure . I’m not smart and I actually do a shit ton of research --- but even so I can miss a lot of shit people would say <nah that’s not how it works> and that would be helpful as heckie . but of course , needing the why also would tell me if the person disagreeing is doing it with a solid ground or just because they are being a piece of crap . I’m really tired of tumblr mentality and shitty people who aren’t mature enough to act decently .

If someone disagrees with your portrayal, how would you take it?  —  you cannot like everyone or have everyone like you either . I don’t really care much ... esp since nora is an original character . if it constructive critisism , okay -- I will take it , but gimme a solid reason other than “ your character is / is not ... “ and then give a crappy critique because she doesn’t fit your agenda or standards .

If someone really hates your character, how do you take it?  —  you are fucking free to unfollow me and ignore me for the rest of your life . I really don’t get the point of hating on the internet just because and keep promoting your hate just to be a pain in the ass .

Are you okay with people pointing out your grammatical errors?  —  I fucking wrote in my rules that people are even fricking free to fix my grammar and english because holy heck , even to this day I still do some ugly shit . I’m dumb , help ...

Do you think you are easy going as a mun?   —  ehhhhhhhhhhhhh, kinda . I take everything with water . whenever it’s of ideology , people as it is , characters ... I am quite tolerant and try to keep the “okay this person thinks this way , fine .” but as long as nobody crosses the line where they try to spoil it for me or others , I get super bitter . I love OOC , getting to know the one behind the character makes me feel more secure about coming to them and just rambling about plots and hcs and whatever idea got in my mind . but if I see someone and , forgive me god for misjudging , see them as a person that will put me on my nerves -- I won’t even try . as for the friends I have and those who don’t know me as much ... I am obnoxiously sporadic and have a lot of ups and downs very often . one day I could be talking 100 words per second others I will just take a fucking week to respond . honestly , I had mined my social skills for two years plus several other irl stuff previous to that , so I’m always a bit too anxious around people , esp people I REALLY like . I’m insecure as heck , if someone is vague ( just because , idk , it was a lazy day for them ) I think at least 10 different reason why probably that person hates me now . I’m a bit dumb 26 year old baby .......... but I’m very aware that is completely on me . I’m a mess.......  so , what was the question again ??? ... I , yeah ... it’s a kinda . but I try , at least haha.

That’s about it, congrats for filling out!

Tagged by:  @skyvar​ herself Tagging: y’all , cowgirls and cowbois . i hate tagging bc i forget urls :finger guns:

[martiniblves]

mijoo and her iconic entrances DFKLSJGDF

yes, i really am recycling the intro some of you probably Just caught when you followed me DGSFLJLGSD

hey y’all, i’m kat, english student and an old hag :/ also slowly coming down from an anxiety moment, hence only deleting old shit now and potentially going rogue from my blog for the night after posting this ( aka, best if y'all send me your d*scord users bc it's much easier for me there ) sfdgjgfd i’m super excited for this group and can’t wait to read all about your muses !  and hoping you feel the same, i’ll get right to introducing avalon bay’s resident messy brat, dahlia !

[ lee mijoo ] dahlia kim, twenty-four, cis female, she/her, radio dj — a world-class traveler in the making, self-proclaimed “ reformed ” groupie, has been a tennant at avalon bay for two years, her cherry blaster obsession is the sweetest thing about her, she slept with an ex-best friend’s roommate and crush as revenge. [ kat, 22, nt, she/her ]

she often goes between dahlia and dia, first and foremost sdfglkj

came from a super small town in upstate new york where there wasn’t much to do or much to see, so growing up she had an adventurous streak that would run rampant when she was able to go off by herself, able to drive, and finally able to leave it behind

her family life was rather average, her parents scraped by financially but her and her two younger siblings never really went without — aside from a toy or two at christmas or a brand new car for their sixteenth birthdays sfgkljgdf

gets on fine with them, but her and her little/middle sister have had an on-and-off contentious relationship that, at the moment, is very much ON SDFGFG

small town life was.. okay overall, she was social Enough and polite but never really maintained any close relationships with her childhood pals once high school came and went, mostly bc the town was full of gossips so everyone thought poorly of each other and passed it onto their kids LSKFDGJGDFL

and yes, i’m kinda basing this off of the antics of adults from my hometown, what about it ??

she spent most of her formative years with her head in the clouds and music always around her or on her mind

so you bet she wound up taking guitar and piano lessons when she was a kid and well into her teens, and dare i say she was pretty good at it fsdglkjgdf

having that skill gave her the boost of confidence she needed from middle school onward, having been a tad reserved before then

idk what else to add bc i honestly can’t think of anything else about her past Before moving away. dull as hell probably, more than it’s already been said LKGSDF

upon moving to the city, she attended nyu just to keep her parents from completely losing their minds over her not.. wanting to go on a sure path, majoring in communications and spending much of her time as a dj for the campus radio station’s late night shows

soon began searching for dj gigs at major radio stations once she’d graduated and landed a spot as an intern to meet with artists the station wished to interview, etc, and even had an opportunity or two to interview them herself

through that job, she became more exposed to the groupie lifestyle and — having always been somewhat intrigued — soon became one ( of sorts ) 

sorry if you’re a fan of h*lsey bc this might come across as a dig, but this is where she becomes the chill version of groupie!h*lsey that h*lsey wishes she had been DFLSKJDGSFL

she liked the attention from drummers, singers and rappers alike — plus having sex with talented, rich people whenever they were in town didn’t hurt one bit — and she kept it all separate from her job, although it did help the station land more interviews, tickets for contests, etc

wasn’t big on hard drugs, but she never shied away from a bong being handed to her or a couple of xanax tablets, just so we’re clear here sdflkgjfdgk

however, the no-strings set-up quickly shifted for dahlia upon meeting a rising indie band’s lead singer

he was smooth as hell, which she already knew alongside his tendency to get bored easily with fangirls-turned-groupies like the rest of the musicians she’d met, so when she played along with his game, it didn’t take long for him to maintain an interest in her and for them to forge something of a friendship

she’d never admit it to anyone, but he was her first love as the initial sexual attraction very quickly became romantic after long conversations about music and aspirations, mundane happenings in their lives separate from their encounters and who should’ve won immunity on the recent ep of masterchef; dia knew he wouldn’t settle down now and she knew that while she was his number one at that point, she wasn’t the only one he had. a couple of months passed where it seemed like he was going only to her, that his interest rarely waned to the other girls that would swarm him, which led her to believe he was at least somewhat into her and to her confessing when they were both drunk one night — only to be shut down but not shut out

dejected and heartbroken, she still couldn’t quite distance herself from him like she knew she should and the front she put up — that she exaggerated her feelings and would get over it — made him none the wiser

however, he couldn’t get over the thought of his fwb still being in love with him and cut ties with her abruptly before his nth departure from nyc

it took her right out of her bubble, left a horrible taste in her mouth to even go back to being a groupie for others over how poorly it all went with him, so she abandoned the sexual aspect and potential intimacy of it — but not before taking herself completely out of that lifestyle for a few months to get over him

which.. lbr, she’s only 90% of the way there to this day sfdlkkdfsgl

upon going back, she showed up to shows and parties solely as a friend of the performer.... before that got old Quick and she realized how soul-sucking it was for her sexually frustrated And repressed ass KFSLJGS

though ask her pals and they’d think she’d given it up altogether, hence her supposedly being reformed

.. at least she isn’t indulging in drugs like she occasionally used to, so that counts for something lksdfjlgdf

as for her time in radio, she got promoted to a morning slot as a dj with a couple of co-hosts last year, though once an afternoon slot opened, she high-tailed it out of there

anything to get back to her chill, late night roots and this was the first step

lastly, she moved to avalon bay 2 years ago, after uni was done and she had to move out of the dorms. in that time, she’d become best friends with another girl and had a massive falling out bc the other was. well. changing for the worst sgfjgfd

she became selfish, judgmental, advantageous and disloyal, and soon dia had enough of her hypocritical and generally nasty antics ( and not without a brutal argument that left both of their egos bruised )

dahlia isn’t always one for petty revenge, but when the ex-bff’s roommate and crush — who dia had a slight interest in as well — bumped into her in the hallway of their dorm one night, she took her chance to knock the other down a peg by initiating a flirtatious conversation that quickly turned sexual

with her ex-bff being on the other side of the wall of said roommate’s room

safe to say that their ( final ) conversation in the morning was a fucking disaster SDFLGKJGFDK

it’s not something she’s entirely ashamed about, but dia doesn’t feel the need to disclose what happened

PERSONALITY AND OTHER SHIT

she loves her friends, would die for them, would kill for them. let’s get that straight first and foremost !

does that mean she’s the nicest or even the most tolerable person ?? fuck no SFGLJGKDF

i described her to one of my pals as a “ chaotic free-spirit with a mean streak when she doesn’t get her way, ” which. could also describe a couple of my bitchier muses tbh FLDKGJDS

but she’s stubborn, irritable and has a sense of high self-worth and self-preservation

she obviously has an attitude that can and will come out if you hurt her or someone she cares about/someone she thinks doesn’t deserve it

or if you think you’re a god or something

and it can get ugly.. as explained above dfskgdgkf

however, we love confident women on this blog and here you have one !

she’s chill for the most part, so you ( probably ) won’t have anything to worry about if you stay on her good side gfsdkljgfd

passionate af about radio and music as a career, wants to have a gig like zane lowe’s beats hosting job or even annie mac’s one day

although she also wishes to put out music of her own at least Once before she dies dfgsljdfgk

bit of a wild child, likes to party and just do her own thing — partially bc she’s scared of getting older and having to give that all up/being forced to act her age

doesn’t mean she doesn’t like her quiet nights in though !

closet romantic, just wants to be swept off of her feet..... but no one needs to know that, at least she doesn’t think so FSDJKGFD

won't let you see it anyways, at least unless she's Interested and knows you're not someone who's only useful for her in the short-term

also quietly doting, will never be the mom friend bc it’s too much responsibility and patience, but will always be a good shoulder to cry on who tells you your feelings are valid before she tells you to toughen the fuck up and amend a situation yourself, might even tell you how

some exceptions may apply FDLSJGSFLK

a bit vulgar at times, just warning you now fgldskf

wants to see the world and has travelled a little as it is bc of her connections. loves it

JFKDGS

has a pet succulent bc she Knows she can't look after the big fluffy dog of her dreams rn

named him bobby after one of the characters from the love island game DFLKGSJF

i honestly dk what else to add rn, plus i’m eager af to post this so we’ll end it here ! cute extras can always be posted later !

[frighthouseofalighthouse]

I know it's a lot! But all of the 65 questions you aren't used to!! I love getting to know the blogs I follow!

Okay love! The last one was a freebie so I guess I’ll just leave that one out haha.

1. Do you ever doubt the existence of others than you?

Na, usually it’s the opposite for me. I don’t feel important enough to be real.

2. On a scale of 1-5, how afraid of the dark are you?

Maybe a 3? I don’t mind the dark as long as my imagination isn’t getting the best of me, which it usually is. I always have my little touch-activated lamp in my room left on at the dimmest setting at night.

3. The person you would never want to meet?

Donald Trump.

4. What is your favorite word?

Drumonios. It’s an Ancient Greek epithet of Artemis, and it means “haunting the woods.” (hey, no one said English word)

5. If you were a type of tree, what would you be?

*in Monty Python voice* THE LARCH

No, but in all seriousness, I’d be a willow. So gentle and comforting, like the tree leaning over to hug you and give you shade.

6. When you looked in the mirror this morning what was the first thing you thought?

Yikes.

7. What shirt are you wearing?

A black shirt with images of moon phases that says “to the moon and back”

8. What do you label yourself as?

Is this a gender/sexual identity question??? Cuz if not I could label myself as anything. But genderwise I’m a cis female and orientation-wise I’m lesbian, biromantic, possibly somewhere on the ace spectrum?

9. Bright room or dark room?

Dark room. Or mostly dark. Dim with a yellowish lamp because I hate white lights.

10. What were you doing at midnight last night?

Talking to my gf on the phone.

11. Favorite age you’ve been so far?

tbh this year, 19. My anxiety’s been better than it ever was. I haven’t been actively suicidal at all this year. I’m just in a better place all around.

12. Who told you they loved you last?

Probably my mom?

13. Your worst enemy?

Myself

14. What is your current desktop picture?

15. Do you like someone?

Romantically? My girlfriend. In general? Everyone who hasn’t crossed me.

16. The last song you listened to?

Right now I’m listening to LA Devotee by Panic! At The Disco :)

17. You can press a button that will make any one person explode. Who would you blow up?

Donald Trump, while he’s in a cabinet meeting so it blows up everyone else there too

18. Who would you really like to just punch in the face?

Donald Trump or my ex

19. If anyone could be your slave for a day, who would it be and what would they have to do?

I don’t really want a slave? Kinda against the whole idea? But ig Thomas Jefferson bc he needs to know what it feels like (Hamilton pettiness coming out oops)

20. What is your best physical attribute? (showing said attribute is optional)

My eyes! Idk if I have a picture that shows them really well? But you can check my selfies tag. They’re deep hazel green with gold flecks.

21. If you were the opposite sex for one day, what would you look like and what would you do?

I would look like historical Alexander Hamilton and I would hang out in history museums freaking people out.

22. Do you have a secret talent? If yes, what is it?

Wouldn’t be a secret if I told you. ;) But seriously, I’m not very private about my talents because I’m proud of them. I write, read, make up codes, solve puzzles, sing, do calligraphy. Sometimes my eyeshadow looks decent.

23. What is one unique thing you’re afraid of?

Most of the unique things are PTSD triggers. The rest of my fears are just normal.

24. You can only have one kind of sandwich. Every sandwich ingredient known to humankind is at your disposal.

Grilled mac and cheese sandwich.

25. You just found $100! How are you going to spend it?

Put it towards saving up for a Switch so I can get the new Pokemon game when it comes out this fall.

26. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere in the world, but you have to leave immediately. Where are you going to go?

The British Isles, where I will do historical tours and live in the Highlands for a year.

27. An angel appears out of Heaven and offers you a lifetime supply of the alcoholic beverage of your choice. “Be brand-specific” it says. Man! What are you gonna say about that? Even if you don’t drink booze there’s something you can figure out… so what’s it gonna be?

I don’t drink, I’m pretty against it in part because my uncle’s a recovering alcoholic, but I’d say strawberry daquiris? Idk brands, man.

28. You discover a beautiful island upon which you may build your own society. You make the rules. What is the first rule you put into place?

Socialism and if you’re gonna mess up the process and turn it into communism then you’re off the island.

29. What is your favorite expletive?

Fuckweasel. Thanks, Raven Cycle.

30. Your house is on fire, holy shit! You have just enough time to run in there and grab ONE inanimate object. Don’t worry, your loved ones and pets have already made it out safely. So what’s the one thing you’re going to save from that blazing inferno?

My phone I guess?

31. You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?

Nothing. As much as I hate what I’ve been through (assault by my ex, manipulation by my dad) it’s taught me so much strength and made me who I am. I know red flags. I came out of my shell. I know how to say no, how to cut out toxic family.

32. You got kicked out of the country for being a time-traveling heathen who sleeps with celebrities and has super-powers. But check out this cool shit… you can move to anywhere else in the world!

Scotland.

33. The Celestial Gates Of Beyond have opened, much to your surprise because you didn’t think such a thing existed. Death appears. As it turns out, Death is actually a pretty cool entity, and happens to be in a fantastic mood. Death offers to return the friend/family-member/person/etc. of your choice to the living world. Who will you bring back?

FDR. We have a polio vaccine and he was my favorite president.

34. What was your last dream about?

I was doing a crossword puzzle but, like, it never ended. And the clues kept changing every time I started to write the answer. It sucked.

35. Are you a good….[insert anything you’d like here]?

Nothing was inserted haha so yes. I am a good.

36. Have you ever been admitted to the hospital?

Twice. Once as a baby for my open heart surgery, and once when I was 4 for severe dehydration from the flu.

37. Have you ever built a snowman?

Yes but it’s been like 13 years.

38. What is the color of your socks?

Light blue and white stripes.

39. What type of music do you like?

Pop, rock, folk, Celtic, classical, old country, like, Woodie Guthrie, and some new country like Kelsea Ballerini.

40. Do you prefer sunrises or sunsets?

SUNSETS

41. What is your favorite milkshake flavor?

Cherry!

42. What football team do you support? (I will answer in terms of American football as well as soccer)

Um, I guess the OSU Buckeyes cuz that’s where I live and I hate pro football.

43. Do you have any scars?

I have a huge scar down my chest from my heart surgery, a few self harm scars left, and quite a few from old cat scratches. Also my left knee is covered with scars from being a clumsy child. And I have small birthmarks which correlate to past life injuries which is fun

44. What do you want to be when you graduate?

A librarian/history or English teacher

45. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

My weight.

46. Are you reliable?

Sometimes I flake on plans bc of mental illness, but yes. I am a strong shoulder to lean on, and I will always be there for you.

47. If you could ask your future self one question, what would it be?

Am I trying for the right things?

48. Do you hold grudges?

Not consciously. But there are certain things I haven’t been able to forgive just yet.

49. If you could breed two animals together to defy the laws of nature, what new animal would you create?

Sloth dragon. Sloth with little back scales and wings who flies very slowly and breathes fire when threatened.

50. What is the most unusual conversation you’ve ever had?

My mom and I have the funniest conversations. I couldn’t pick one. Every day between us is just hysterical.

51. Are you a good liar?

Yes. But I don’t lie anymore except when I have to.

52. How long could you go without talking?

Probably forever as long as I could write or text.

53. What has been you worst haircut/style?

When I was 9 I decided to get a shoulder length bob. My hair did not approve. Constant white-fro. I don’t have a picture of it full glory, but this is after having it styled, at age 11, as flat as it would go.

54. Have you ever baked your own cake?

Noooo I suck at baking. I’ve made cookies though.

55. Can you do any accents other than your own?

British, I guess? I do a good Hermione.

56. What do you like on your toast?

Butter lmao I’m classic

57. What is the last thing you drew a picture of?

Uhhh I sketched a flower on my church bulletin last week? Nothing fancy. I don’t draw.

58. What would be you dream car?

‘67 Impala baby.

59. Do you sing in the shower? Or do anything unusual in the shower? Explain.

I, uh give political speeches to the showerhead? It’s the Hamilton mood.

60. Do you believe in aliens?

I definitely believe we can’t live in a universe infinitely big all by ourselves.

61. Do you often read your horoscope?

I don’t read my actual horoscope, but I look at those zodiac posts a lot, and I know my full birth chart.

62. What is your favorite letter of the alphabet?

A and S.

63. Which is cooler: dinosaurs or dragons?

Both. Dinsoaurs could have been dragons, we don’t know.

64. What do you think about babies?

They’re okay til they cry or poop or throw up lmao.

Thanks bb!