#bc i worked sooooo hard and want everyone to know

[pepprs]

ok mutuals be honest. should i “break up” w my counselor over these texts yes or no

[perdidit-vulpes]

grrrr LET ME STOP MASKING

[junicult]

bachelors stances on period sex and if they’d be down……………

!! period sex w the bachelors

contains ; period sex, duh. afab!farmer. smut. nsfw. fingering. shower sex tehe. use of toys. masturbation. dirty talk & whatnot. not proofread!

note ; oh u did something w this one. & spoiler alert, they all are.

harvey.

- …😇

- i’m sweating.

- if u think he wouldn’t then you are lying to urself. fully.

- are u fr??? he could not care LESSS😭😭😭😭

- in fact, he’s absolutely down.

- period cramps hurt. he knows this, because he’s a doctor and he actually understands women.

- now, he’ll firstly try to see if there’s anything he can give you to help you.

- a heating pad, a massage, literally anything you need. he’ll run out and get food if that’s all u want.

- but i don’t think he’d ever ask if you’d wanna have sex first.

- mainly because he knows it’s not everyone’s thing, and it can get messy and some people think it’s gross. (😒)

- he, however, is not that kind of person.

- he knows that sex helps relieve period pain, sooooo

- if ur down, he’s down. he’s sooo down.

- honestly, he couldn’t even care less. your period just means your body is working, and you’re healthy. knowing that is all he needs to go about this day.

- it isn’t even something he really considers if you’re about to have sex. it’s just something he notices during.

- and if you’re insecure about it, (which all he wants to do is assure you there is no reason to be) he won’t pressure you at all.

- he can understand why you’d be insecure or nervous, but to him it means literally nothing. towels exist for a reason.

- but it was just one of those days, when you were nearly bedridden after speeding through your chores.

- your heating pad rested on your back and lower stomach, laying at an awkward angle on your bed with just the largest frown on your face.

- you were so uncomfortable, and all he wanted to do was make you feel better.

- “is there anything i can do for you, honey?” he asks sweetly from where he stood next to you, gently running his hand up and down your arm.

- and u think for a second.

- not bc of what he said, but bc ur not sure if u wanna give him ur answer rn.

- “…maybe.”

- “anything. what is it?” he lowers to his knees and presses a kiss on your hand.

- your lips pulled into a pout, eyes softly batting towards him while you contemplate what you’re thinking.

- “well…doesn’t, y’know…sex…help with cramps…n stuff?”

- he can’t help but smile a little.

- another little thing is, i feel like he just loves when u get all shy abt affection. just cus he always does, so it’s refreshing to realize u have ur moments just like him.

- u don’t even have to say more. he’s walking to the closet to pull out a couple towels, making the bed secure just to make it easier so neither of u have to clean the sheets.

- and he’s treating u so delicately, bc ur still in discomfort. he doesn’t wanna add more to that.

- but trust me

- red may mean stop but not in his case‼️

- ur period is also means ur hormones are heightened, which also means ur libido increases.

- so not only is this making u feel better, it’s also making u feel so fucking good.

- not just bc he knows what he’s doing.

- now, it’s not just sex that helps with cramps.

- it’s the orgasm that really matters. and ur in a lot of pain…so ur gonna get a looott of relief.

sam.

- doesn’t give a singlleee fuck.

- in his mind it doesn’t register as, “oh, she’s on her period and she wants to have sex😒” it’s more of a, “yay my pretty girlfriend wants to have sex with me😊😊”

- so like, it’s just instant flattery anytime you come onto him.

- it’s not hard to get him in the mood if ur alr horny.

- you don’t even have to try hard. usually you can just walk up to him, give him a little kiss on the lips and just ask.

- that alone has him grinning and following you to the bedroom.

- so if you’re pressing against your sides, groaning in discomfort over your cramps and stuff,

- all you have to do is sigh and mumble, “baby i’m so uncomfortable. d’you wanna do something?” and he’ll probably just perk up, thinking you need some water or another heating pad or something.

- “what’s up? i can help!” he’s jumping to his feet, ready to head out and get whatever u need.

- “no, no nothing like that,” you mumble, sitting up to your knees on the couch.

- “like…do something. it’ll help with my pain,” your smile is faint, and the way your fingers begin to play with the hem of his shirt has him raising his eyebrows.

- “yeah! will it hurt, tho?”

- he doesn’t fully understand how your period works, i’m gonna be honest with you.

- but once you assure him it actually feels really good, and much better, then he’s plenty more excited.

- occasionally he’ll remember to lay out towels, but usually the sheets will need to be washed lol.

- he’s adorable. he becomes much more affectionate because he knows you’re just feeling miserable, and he wants to take your mind off of it.

- kissing all down your neck, your chest, your stomach, thighs.

- he’ll go down on you if that’s what you really want. but he probably won’t do it without you asking.

- he loves fucking you when you’re on your period.

- there’s significantly less friction, and you’re just so warm and wet he gets so hard. i swear.

- holding onto your hips while he pistons in and out of you, head hanging low and panting the closer he gets.

- he cums faster whenever you’re on your period.

- although, that doesn’t mean he’s not ready for a round 2.

shane.

- he’s lazy. lol.

- much like sam, it kinda just registers as “well she wants to have sex so we’re gonna have sex. who am i to complain.”

- it’s also flattering for him, too. he likes knowing you want him.

- in general, it’s extremely rare he’d ever say no to sex. the circumstances had to be DIRE for him to say no.

- just bc he can get turned on pretty quickly.

- so yeah, if you wanna have sex while ur on ur period? he’s on board.

- like i said tho, he’s lazy. so you can bet on shower sex while you’re on ur period LMFAOO

- he’s not gonna clean the sheets or towels if there’s a stain💀

- and what’s better then holding you up against the shower wall, one leg wrapped around his waist while fucking he’s ur pain away??😇😇

- no mess, no cleaning! it’s a win-win!

- but in general, he really doesn’t care.

- ur period isn’t something he really thinks twice about.

- if u ask him to pick up pads or tampons at the store one day you’re too busy, he’s already out the door.

- if you need something, he’ll stand up and go get it for you. he’s not rushing for it, but neither is he slow-walking on purpose. it’s just like ur asking for the tv remote.

- he’s not overly emphatic. he’s a fantastic help, but that doesn’t mean he changes all that much from the weeks you aren’t on your period.

- what i’m saying is, u being on ur period doesn’t change anything from ur regular daily life.

- if u turn to him and say, “wanna have sex?” he’s gonna fucking say yes.

- although, he probably won’t go down on u while ur in the middle of ur period.

- nor will he finger u, unless ur in the shower. and most of the time u are.

- easy to rinse off LMFAO.

- will definitely rub ur clit while he’s inside of u, in the shower or not.

- in some ways, u kinda turn him on a little more when ur on ur period.

- maybe it’s because he likes how u become so comfortable around him, despite being with him for so long.

- it’s extremely domestic to see you when you just don’t care to put effort in your appearance. you just wear sweats, pull your hair back and walk around with the funniest scowl on ur face.

- you kinda lose your filter a little,

- like, when ur off ur period you at least flirt a little to show him you need him right now.

- but when you’re just horny and uncomfortable, you don’t even care.

- “can you fuck these cramps away? i can run the shower,”

- zero filter.

- believe me, he’s all for it.

sebastian.

- i feel like having sex on your period isn’t something either of you had ever had the confidence to bring up for a while.

- like, for some reason, whenever you told him you started your period it was an unspoken “so we can’t have sex for a few days” kinda thing.

- and to that? yeah. sucked.

- the only reason it was perceived that way was because he just figured you didn’t want to. that you’d be uncomfortable with it.

- you both thought that way, actually.

- so…for a while it was just like…

- ur both rly horny. & for some reason u don’t tell each other bc, 😱 ur on ur period.

- it wasn’t until one night u were both hanging out with each other, during the middle of ur period.

- sitting on the couch, watching tv, lazily leaning on each other in peaceful silence.

- your cramps had been killing you all day, and now wasn’t any better. he was sweet enough to get you a heating pad.

- he’s not rude enough to let u suffer in silence. he’ll always double check if you need any ibuprofen or stuff like that.

- but anyways, ur sitting there. in discomfort. next to ur boyfriend. who you want really badly to help ur pain with something you can’t offer yourself.

- “…sebby?”

- “hm?”

- “…my cramps hurt…really bad. is there anyway you wanna help me?”

- he kinda thinks you meant like getting a heating pad or something, so you’ll have to explain it to him.

- anyways, the answer is yes.

- he does lay out towels.

- the first couple times, you end up having just regular missionary sex.

- but i feel like the longer you two having been doing this, you decide to add in some aspects, change a few things up.

- i’m talking toys lol.

- he’ll always fuck you if that’s what you both want, but for some reason he loves watching you get off on your own vibrator or something while you’re on your period.

- cus yeah, he knows you and your body very well, but he still loves seeing how you can orgasm with your own doing.

- will likely masturbate with you. he can’t help it.

- and finally, he’ll fs finger you.

- he just loves fingering you in general, why would a little blood stop him from that?

alex.

- yeah no, he doesn’t care.

- say whatchu will about him 🙌 but he doesn’t care.

- a firm believer that swords are meant to get a little blood on them.

- in fact, he’s probably said that to u before 💀

- although, i do wanna say he isn’t super experienced w this sort of thing.

- he’s had a fair share of one night stands or casual hookups, and yeah he’s had girlfriends before but they were rarely ever as serious as you two.

- so periods in general were a relatively new thing he’s become acquainted with.

- do not fear tho! he’s ready to learn!

- i feel like he actually enjoys going to the store to get u pads or tampons and stuff.

- there’s something so possessive abt it that i can’t really explain.

- he feels kinda superior carrying ur box of tampons to the checkout lane. i rly cant explain it.

- that being said. his eagerness to learn doesn’t fall far from product shopping.

- this man loves putting you in positions that you didn’t even know your body could move in.

- so, when you tell him, “babe, my cramps hurt so bad, please help me,” …he’s eager.

- he knows pressure to your back and stomach can help, so trust me…

- he’s got your legs wrapped around his waist, pillow underneath you, his length fully inside of you and he’s gently pressing against your stomach.

- even without being on your period it feels amazing, but now? with your hormones heightened, and your sex drive skyrocketed? godddd…..

- “does that feel good, baby? feelin’ better?” “mhm, i know pretty, just let it out.”

- i’m bricked.

- it’s such a turn on for him when you’re super horny.

- cus he pretty much is all the time, it’s just a little switch you have to flick and boom—he’s ready.

- so when it’s your chance to be crawling to him, asking for a relief he can give you, yup he loves it.

- adds to his already overflowing ego.

- and the blood is none other then proof of that.

elliot.

- ok so

- he’s v different from the other bachelors. well, aside from harvey ig.

- he couldn’t care, never cared, and won’t ever care that you’re horny on ur period.

- if you want him, and you know it’ll relieve the pain—that’s like heaven for him.

- but for this i think it’s fitting to take a different approach.

- let’s say, ur insecure about it.

- you know very well that he doesn’t find it gross, no matter how many times he reassures you,

- but that still doesn’t stop the little voice inside of you that tells you otherwise.

- it’s just like, you know your on your period, but he’s just so attractive, he’s been a gentleman to you all night, and u just fucking need him. you need him so badly.

- “you’re really not grossed out by it?” you randomly ask, breathlessly pulling your lips away from his.

- despite not even mentioning it beforehand, he takes no time to figure out what you meant cus he was already thinking about it💀

- “why would i be?”

- he’ll probably go on a little spiel about how it means nothing to him, and since it’s especially beneficial towards you, it’s actually a turn on for him.

- can i safely say that?

- that he’s kinda turned on by it?

- well i did. cus he is.

- maybe not the blood itself, even tho he doesn’t care about that. mostly just the fact that having period sex literally connects you on so many different levels, it’s much more intimate and obviously this man loves passion.

- nothing changes from your regular sex lives when you’re on your period.

- yes that means he’ll go down on you.

- he. does. not! CAREEE!!!!!!!

[from-the-clouds]

texas sun - joel miller x f!reader - vol. xiv

series masterlist | series playlist | writing masterlist | previous chapter | chapter summary: The final chapter pairing: joel miller x f!reader words: 9.2k (I love being insane) chapter warnings: SMUT (18+only) - unprotected sex. Insecurity/Jealousy. Angst/arguments. Discussions of death, blood and injuries. Alcohol & Marijuana use. Fluff. Bisexual reader (happy pride ya'll!). As always please dm for more specifics. a/n: This could probs use another round of proofreading but it would've delayed this even longer sooooo.... Here we go! I feel pretty emo right now and I might make a more in-depth post about my thoughts at a later date bc I just finished writing this in a hot daze so I can't put all my thoughts coherently together. But I just wanna say thank you to everyone who supported and gave love to this story. This is by far the most popular fic I've ever written, and I don't really know how? Or what I did to deserve all the love but I just want you to know how much I appreciate it. Thank you for sticking with me through all the angst and delayed updates and everything. I'll never forget you and I'll never forget Joel x Reader!! Thank you so much, I hope the finale lives up to your expectations! ❤️

**I DO NOT HAVE A TAGLIST. Please follow @ftcwriting and turn on notifs if you would like to be notified when I update my works :) **

I’m not the kind of man who tends to socialize I seem to lean on old familiar ways….

-May 16, 2024-

“Are you sure you’re okay if I leave you here alone?” 

Ethan’s voice jolts you out of a daze, and you blink your eyes open, realizing that you’d dozed off while sitting upright in a patio chair, the cheesy romance novel you’d been reading still lying open on your lap. Turning to look over your shoulder, you find him standing with one foot on the deck, and one foot still inside, cut in half by the sliding glass door.

Clearing your throat, you straighten up and nod. “Of course. I’ll be fine.”

Ethan studies you carefully, like he’s not entirely convinced. He’s been hesitant to leave you alone unless it’s absolutely necessary – only stepping away from the house to go on patrol shifts and to bring home meals from the mess hall. Recovery has made you feel like a burden to him – to all your friends in the community, really. Everyone….well, almost everyone, has been supportive, but you’ve never been comfortable being openly vulnerable.

Unfortunately, it’s too hard to deny the pain that you’ve been in since the accident, the trouble you have getting around, the exhaustion that clings no matter how many long naps and twelve-hour nights of sleep you get. According to the doctors, being so tired is just part of recovery – rest is important, but the concoction of pain medication you’ve been prescribed only makes your drowsiness and confusion worse. It had been a big deal that tonight you’d mustered the energy to drag yourself outside to sit in the fresh air. 

“I’m fine,” you assure Ethan, once again. “Have fun on your date.”

“It’s not really a date,” he says, almost a little too quickly. “We’re just hanging out.”

“Right,” you say, matter-of-factly. “Do I know who this person is?”

Ethan looks at his feet. “You remember the day this shit happened?” he asks, gesturing towards you. “Before you left on patrol, the girl that said hi to me? It’s her. Her name is Alex.”

“Oh?” you tilt your head, give him a small smile. “She was cute. How’d you ask her out?”

“Well,” he begins, scratching the back of his neck. “I may have…uh, gotten some advice.”

“You didn’t think to ask me?” you’re able to muster up a small smile.

“I would’ve, I just…..” he shakes his head. “It seemed stupid…with everything you have going on.”

“It’s not stupid,” you say, feeling a wave of guilt. Even though he’s the one looking after you, you haven’t spoken to him much about anything going on in his life. In fact, you haven’t really spoken to anyone in a long time, beyond thank you’s and blanket statements like I’m doing better. You feel disconnected, and more lonely than ever. If you ever get enough energy to leave your house, you expect most of the people in the community to have forgotten you exist. “Who’d you ask?”

“Uhm….” Ethan runs a hand through his long dark hair, shifts his weight. “….I’ve been assigned on patrol with Joel Miller a lot lately….so….”

You almost laugh when he uses Joel’s full name. Joel has been such a huge part of your life – sometimes the hero, sometimes the villain – that you don’t need to hear his last name to know who Ethan’s talking about. You could know a thousand Joel’s, and he’d still be the first person that came to mind. But Joel is still a sore subject, and Ethan knows it, which is why you suspect he’s avoided telling you this in the first place. You feel your eyebrows knit together, only able to let out an unenthused. “Oh.”

“I just, you know….he’s a guy. And it sounds like you even liked him at one point so….he must know something, right?” 

“That was a long time ago,” you say quickly, regardless of the fact that he’s right.

It’s probably not fair to blame Joel for everything that has happened to you. You know this, deep down. But you’ve been so helpless and isolated since you’ve woken up in that hospital bed that you’re desperate to find someone to hold accountable. And Joel hadn’t visited you in the hospital once. By this point, he’s abandoned you so many times that your resentment feels justified, even if your current state is not directly his fault. Because it was you, after all, who had walked into the path of those men, too angry to think clearly, too weak to take them down alone. The only person you can blame is yourself, and you really don’t want to.

“Did he tell you to take her out on patrol, make her cry, and almost get her killed?”

Ethan clicks his tongue, looks down, almost ashamed. “No. He did not.”

“You should be careful with Joel,” you warn.

“I was…” Ethan says. “But I don’t think it’s that simple. I think he’s actually alright.” 

“So you’re friends with him now,” you state, hoping he refutes. But instead, he looks up at you, frowns, and lifts his chin.

“What happened to you was horrible. It shouldn’t have happened. And yeah, maybe you think he’s the reason you almost died…. I don’t know the specifics so you can believe whatever you want. But I know that he’s the reason you’re still alive.” Ethan’s voice breaks, and you feel tears brimming your eyes before he continues. “He brought you back here, he donated his blood, he-”

“What?” you cut him off.

“What do you mean, what?” Ethan asks. “He was the only person there who had your blood type. You would’ve died if he didn’t. They didn’t tell you this?” 

“Whatever it took to make him feel less guilty, sounds like,” you say, dismissively.

Something hot burns in your veins, something that must have always been there since you woke up, but you’re only feeling it now. It’s unsettling, Joel being a part of you that way. Your lives had already seemed intertwined enough already. But now, he’s inescapable.

“Well, he stayed by your side every night while you were asleep. Fuck, I mean, he was probably there just as often as I was. He made sure I ate, and slept and showered and… and he never once asked for anything in return. He cares about you as much as I do, clearly, so I don’t think it’s wrong to think he’s a good guy….”

You must not care about me that much, you want to say, but you stop yourself. Because it’s not true, and you’d only be saying it to hurt him. You have nothing to defend yourself with, no way to convince him otherwise, and so you just stare at him until he shakes his head and slips back inside.

Ethan is stubborn, he always has been. And it’s a special kind of stubbornness, fueled by anger – so common in most of the young people you meet these days. You understand why they’re all like this. When you’re robbed of your childhood – you get stuck there….waiting….. Like someday you’ll have a chance to do it all over again, regardless of how obvious it is that you won’t. 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

-May 25, 2024-

Things get better, albeit slowly. You begin to wean off the pain medication, which makes you more alert. It’s still difficult to leave your house, but you can move around it more easily, and you don’t spend all your days sleeping. Luckily, you aren’t as stir-crazy as you’d been expecting. 

One afternoon, Ellie Williams shows up on your doorstep with a bag full of groceries. 

“Maria wanted me to bring these to you,” she says when you open the door. “She told me to tell you she’ll be over tomorrow, but she wanted me to give you these to tide you over.”

“That’s very nice. Thank you for bringing them to me,” you try to take the bag from her hands, but she steps back just a little, like she’s unsure if you should be carrying anything. You let your hands drop to your sides. “Would you like to come in?” 

Ellie hesitates for a split second, adjusting the bag in her arms, and then nods. “Sure.” 

Stepping to the side, you allow her into the home. Because of how warm it is outside, you’ve opened all the windows to let the breeze through. 

“Sorry for the mess,” you say, Ellie following you into the living room. There are stacks of books and pill bottles with instructions scattered on your countertop. You haven’t swept the floors in awhile and all the hard surfaces are covered in a thin layer of dust. It’s not really that bad, but you don’t have the energy or strength to be on your feet for long – let alone to clean the house. 

“I don’t mind,” Ellie says. “It’s not even that bad. I don’t know why older people worry about leaving your house messy and shit….no offense.”

“There was a time it used to matter,” you tell her. “And I see where you’re coming from, but my thing is – if you’re going to live somewhere, you should do what you can to make yourself feel comfortable.” 

Ellie purses her lips, as if you’ve made a good point but she doesn’t know how to answer. Instead, you continue. “Can I get you anything? Water?” 

“No, I’m okay,” she puts the bag on your kitchen counter.

“You can sit if you’d like,” you tell her. “I just need a moment to put these away.”

When you walk into your living room a few minutes later, she’s hovering near your record player, looking through the vinyls. The turntable was already in the house when you’d arrived years ago, but it was buried in the closet and broken. Ethan had managed to fix it after a little troubleshooting and scavenging for parts. Now, you both were always looking for records to bring home, and had amassed quite the eclectic collection – jazz, funk, hip-hop, and everything in between. 

“Wow,” Ellie says, running her fingers along the shelved records. “You found all these?”

“Some of them were already here. But yeah. Ethan and I are always on the lookout on patrol. I can play you something. What do you like?”

“Eighties, I think,” she says. “But…I also haven’t heard as much.” 

“Well here,” you thumb through the records, pull out a worn copy of Speaking In Tongues. “How about some Talking Heads?” 

You pass the record over to her, and she stares at you blankly. It’s only then that you realize — she’s never used a record player before. There’s a familiar pang of sadness before you show her how. 

“Are you feeling better?” Ellie eyes you wearily once the music starts, and you settle onto the couch, feeling a little worn out after being on your feet.

“Yes,” you say. “I’m older now, so it seems like healing takes a lot more time.”

Ellie nods, then bobs her head to the music a little. “This is better than most of the stuff Joel likes.” 

“Oh yeah,” you smirk, and instinctually, you recall his enthusiasm for all things old-school country. “I remember that,” you say softly.

With so much time on your hands lately, you’ve found yourself thinking of Joel a lot, reminiscing on the time you’d spent with him and Sarah. What Ethan had told you about him staying by your side was definitely making you reconsider your assessment of him, even if you were still hesitant. It was probably a trap to think you’d ever be able to feel those things with him again, but if remembering them brought you comfort, you weren’t going to resist it. 

“You’re more than welcome to come over to listen anytime,” you offer, and she nods excitedly. 

Ellie stays for longer than you expect. You talk a fair bit. She tells you about what she’s learning in school – but mostly how ‘fucking useless’ it is. She wanders around your living room and pokes through your stuff without asking, but you don’t think to stop her – you just answer her questions and let her be curious.

Eventually, the sun dips below the horizon, and she excuses herself to go home, insisting that Joel will ‘fucking kill her’ if she’s out too late. Even though you’re exhausted after entertaining her for a few hours, you find it feels nice. Being on house arrest, essentially, had left your starved for connection outside Maria and Ethan.

You see her out the door before returning to your refrigerator to look for something to eat. Ethan will be back from patrol any minute, so it may be nice to make him something even if you have almost no energy.

But when there’s another knock on your front door, you’re shocked to see who you find staring on your porch. 

Joel.

You almost forget to speak at the sight of him. It’s been weeks since your accident and he might as well have moved away from Jackson since you hadn’t seen him at all. 

“Hey,” you say, tentatively, taking him in. He seems preoccupied – cheeks flushed, hair rumpled, and out of breath, like he had run all the way to get here.

“Have you seen Ellie?” he asks, not even greeting you in return. “I’ve looked everywhere and I-

“You just missed her,” you cut him off, not because you’re trying to dismiss him, but because he's clearly distressed. “I’m surprised you didn’t see her on your way over.”

Joel sighs, eyes closing in relief. “Thank God.” For a second, you glimpse the frazzled and overworked father you used to know. “She stayed out too late, had me worried sick.” 

“She’s fine,” you say. “Although she did say you might kill her if she didn’t get home soon.” 

Joel gives you an almost imperceptible smile, but seems mostly irritated by Ellie’s suggestion. “I would do no such thing.” He shakes his head and takes two steps backwards. “Thank you. Didn’t mean to be a bother.” 

Your mind floats to a memory of Joel on your front porch, late getting home from work and looking for Sarah, and you can’t help but feel a bit of sadness and longing for a simpler time, a surge of affection. 

Joel is halfway down your front porch steps when you speak again. “You aren’t bothering me.”

He pauses, turns to look over his shoulder. There’s something he wants to say, you can feel it, and you step outside, letting the door fall shut behind you and remaining huddled against the siding, and he turns to face you fully, sighing. “I’ve been meaning to stop by, actually….” 

“Oh…really?” you can’t keep the surprise from your voice, and he notices.

“Yeah,” Joel rubs his fingers together, a nervous habit of his you know all too well. “Yeah. I- well, I wanted to apologize to you.”

You’re so startled by the words you can’t answer right away. But the split second of hesitation causes Joel to continue, looking to fill the empty space. 

“I’ve been waiting to find the right thing to say….but it doesn’t seem like that’ll ever happen. I’m not even sure I know where to start.” 

“Oh,” is all you can manage, still taken aback. The only thing that doesn’t surprise you about his admission is the sincerity. You could say a lot of things about Joel, but he isn’t a liar. He always tells the truth. Maybe it’s why he pulled away from you to begin with. It’s easier than the alternative – spending time with you, which would force him to be honest. For how much you’ve changed, you’d probably do the same. 

But the thing with Joel is that you’re exhausted. You’re tired of the back and forth, of the push and pull, of the constant struggle to hold your care over each other's head, hoping the other will break first. Maybe this is a fresh start. 

You step closer to him, and you see him study the way you move. Of course, you’re trying to look strong, but he can surely sense the weakness. He’d always been good at that, better than any of the others. Your hand comes to rest on the porch railing for support. 

But…..

There’s that voice in the back of your head, the one that tells you this is a mistake. The one that reminds of the pain you’ve often earned through vulnerability. It likes to think it’s served you, protected you, and it has. But it’s not always right.

“I suppose I owe you an apology, too,” you say. “At the very least I should thank you for what you did.”

Joel shakes his head, dismissively, but looks to where your hand rests on the porch railing, looks back up to you as he reaches out. “I’m just glad you’re okay.” 

His hand clasps over yours, and to anyone else, this might be nothing. It’s so innocent, unassuming. But the effect it has on you is palpable. He squeezes once, and you flip your hand over, squeezing his back, giving him a gentle smile. “I am too.” 

Joel’s eyes fill with a warmth you haven’t seen in twenty years, and your stomach flutters, your heart races. A part of yourself that you’d considered long dead seems to rouse.“Would you like to stay for dinner?”

“I told Ellie we’d go to the mess hall together,” Joel says. “Otherwise I would.”

You blink once, and Joel sees it, immediately continuing on. “But maybe Ellie and I can come another time, join you and Ethan?”

“Yeah. He’d like that,” you say. “That might be nice.” ─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

-June 20, 2024-

You think that at the end of a long winter, bears must hate coming out of hibernation. 

It must suck. They spend months sleeping, doing almost nothing, and then suddenly they’re forced to function again – to hunt, to eat, to roam, to survive and socialize. You imagine there has to be a learning curve, a desire to crawl back into their den and never leave again. 

Or maybe you could be wrong, and they love it. And you’re just a wimp who hates feeling uncomfortable.

All you know is that you’re huddled in the back corner of the Tipsy Bison, nursing a whiskey – and it’s the last place you want to be. 

You’re overwhelmed. 

And despite the fact that you regularly used to attend community events, it’s been so long since you've been out in Jackson that you feel like you don’t belong. To some extent, you’ve always felt this – too hardened by the outside world to fully assimilate, especially when the town throws dances. But in the past, you at least attempted to convince yourself otherwise. 

Two weeks back, the doctors had cleared you to go about your daily activities as normal  – within reason, of course – but you hadn’t exactly jumped at the opportunity. Tonight, Ethan had accused you of becoming ‘antisocial’ and ‘reclusive’. You had agreed to attend – but only to beat those allegations. So far, you are definitely not. 

You scan the crowd, taking in the people spinning around the dance floor. Some of the women are wearing dresses. You can’t help but feel a little envious of how easily they’re able to perform femininity, which is something you’d given up on a while ago. It hadn’t exactly served you before arriving in Jackson, and you predict it would be humiliating to start trying now. After all the things you’d experienced, you were left marred with scars and wrinkles, stretch marks and loose skin. Since then, you’ve remained loyal to the combination of men’s denim and tank tops with flannel-button downs overtop. 

It doesn’t always stop the men in the community from descending like vultures. You might be the last pick – there are plenty others who are younger and prettier – but you’re still an option. Bea, your old partner, had always theorized that some men were particularly drawn to sapphic women, that it was ‘the ultimate challenge’. Maybe there is some truth to her theory, but you like men….sometimes. So there is always a part of you that yearns for their validation, for as many times as you tell yourself you don’t want it. But it never feels good to get it after you’ve watched them exhaust all their other options.

It’s pathetic, but it makes you think of Joel. He and Ellie had been over to yours and Ethans last week for a nice dinner, and you had tried to gauge whether there was any romantic connection between you still. Occasionally, you’d caught him looking at you with a wistful smile, but he could have been lost in thought. It’s not like you needed that from him or anything, but it might be useful information. After all this time, Joel is still so handsome, and probably has an impressive selection of potential partners here in Jackson – women of all ages. You hope he’s not here tonight – you can’t see much besides the dance floor at this point – because the thought of him cozied up to anyone here, combined with the acrid taste of the drink in your hand, makes you want to gag. 

You take another look around the room. Eugene, your partner in crime – quite literally – is walking towards you, which helps quell your spiraling mind . If you talk to him, say hello to Tommy and Maria, maybe Ethan will see the effort you’re making and you can sneak out without having to deal with anyone. It’s wishful thinking, but it’s worth a shot. The sooner you can get home tonight, the better.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Joel can’t stop staring. 

He knows it’s impolite. He knows that he’s not being subtle. He knows that if any other person in this bar followed his eyeline, they’d pick up on what he was doing in an instant. But every minute he doesn’t get called out for it, he becomes more and more emboldened. 

It’s the first dance he’s ever been to in Jackson, and the only reason he’s here is to placate Ellie and Tommy. But even they have abandoned him in favor of better companions – his brother is deep in conversation with Maria, sitting across from him in a booth, and Ellie is out on the dance floor dancing with one of her new friends, Dina.

Joel just can’t help himself. He still feels guilty for what he’s done, but he can’t shake the feeling of a soft hand clasped within his own – the first time he’d felt any semblance of hope since arriving here. Tommy and Maria had already slyly let him know about all the women who were interested, but he couldn’t bring himself to entertain their advances. There’s only one he wants, and she won’t even look in his direction.

When he’d first noticed you, you were whispering with Eugene on the opposite side of the dance floor. According to Tommy, you spend a fair bit of your time with the old man, which Joel initially thought to mean that you had some sort of entanglement. At first, Joel thought that couldn’t be possible. But you were deep in focus as you listened to Eugene’s words, nodding and leaning in closer and closer, and Joel thinks Tommy might be right. He wants to understand what you see in this man – tall and unkempt, covered in tattoos with long, graying hair and a beard to match. But Joel catches himself in his judgment, he’s probably just as unappealing – not just because of how he’s aged, but because of how horrible he’s been to you in general. 

The next time Joel sees you, you’re at the bar, chatting with a man who Maria had introduced him to not long ago, a resident who is new in town. Joel had been too busy focusing on the fact that he’d been in Jackson long enough to not be its newest resident that he couldn’t remember his name. He wishes he had, so he could keep tabs on him. Of course, he can’t blame the man for being drawn to you – Joel knows very well that you’re hard to miss in a crowd. 

Still, Joel bristles when you both step away from the bar, and the man’s hand lands just above your sacrum. He actually finds himself tensing up, resisting the urge to intervene, because it’d likely only make you angry. Plus, maybe you are interested. That question is answered quickly when you reach behind your to clasp the man's hand and place it back at his side. Where it belongs, he thinks.

“Joel!”

He snaps his attention to what’s in front of him – interrupted, and probably for good measure, lest he get himself too worked up. Ethan approaches with a girl his age, her arm linked through his. Joel stands to greet them. 

The terse understanding between himself and Ethan while you were still in the hospital had somehow turned into a friendship, especially after they’d begun getting paired up on patrol. Ethan reaches out for Joel’s hand to dap him up, slinging an arm briefly over his shoulder.

“How’s it going, kid?” 

“Good, good,” Ethan nods, pulling back, and gestures to the girl next to him. “Joel, this is Alex.”

“It’s nice to meet you,” she says. “Ethan’s told me all about you.” 

“Really?” Joel asks, feeling a little bewildered. 

“Only good things,” Alex says quickly, as if she senses his apprehension. Ethan puts his arm around her waist. Joel recalls a few weeks back when he’d asked for advice on how to ask out a girl. Joel hadn’t pried at the time, but now he seems to understand, and is surprised by the swell of pride he feels. “Ethan says you’re a fucking badass,”she giggles after she swears.

Joel looks over at Ethan. “I don’t know about that.” 

He shrugs, changes the subject. “Since when do you come to these things?” Ethan asks.

“Ellie dragged me out,” Joel answers.

“I did the same with my aunt,” Ethan chuckles. “But now I can’t find her, and I’m pretty sure she’s escaped.”

“Oh, is she here?” Joel plays dumb, like he hasn’t been aware of exactly where you have been all night. “I haven’t seen her.”

“I think she was with Eugene earlier,” Alex has to stand on her toes to speak into Ethan’s ear. Joel watches Ethan’s nose wrinkle. 

“Do you know Eugene at all?” Ethan turns to Joel. “I’m trying to figure out what’s going on there, but she won’t say anything.” 

Joel wishes that he had more information. “Tommy says they seem close.”

“I know that,” Ethan says. “I wish she would just be honest with me. It’s not like I would be mad. Whatever,” he shakes his head. “We can talk about it another time. I just want to find her so I can introduce her to Alex.”

“We should say hi to Tommy and Maria first,” Alex says, and Ethan nods in agreement before saying goodbye to him. Joel claps a hand on Ethan’s shoulder as he moves past him, and Alex gives him a shy smile in acknowledgement. 

Focusing back on the crowd, Joel realizes that you’ve vanished in the short span of his last interaction. Maybe you’d rejected that guy, and then he’d retaliated. Maybe you’d gone home with Eugene. Joel shakes his hand. It’s none of his business. He doesn’t need to get involved. It’s not his job to look after you, regardless of how much better he feels when he does. Old instincts. He can’t help himself.

He settles on watching Ellie and Dina spin each other around on the dance floor. Eventually, Tommy and Maria, then Ethan and Alex all trickle out of the booth to go get another round or head to dance. Joel stands to release the booth to someone who actually needs it – and is left in the corner, nursing a nearly empty beer that’s now flat and warm. He looks towards his family and friends, but for some reason, he still feels alone. 

Joel isn’t sure how long he stands sulking, but he starts when someone approaches from behind.

“Having fun?”

You’re a pace or two back, one thumb hooked through a belt loop, a whiskey in your opposite hand. Joel looks back at the crowd a moment, then at the ground. “No.” 

“Neither am I,” you commiserate, stepping alongside him. 

Joel considers offering that Ethan was looking for you, but selfishly does not want to give you a reason to leave, so he stays quiet. You observe the dance floor like he is, smiling slightly at the sight of Ethan and Alex dancing. The flannel you’re wearing over a gray tank hangs loosely off one shoulder, and Joel wants to reach out and touch the exposed skin. You take your last sip of whiskey, bring a finger to swipe under your bottom lip, and Joel wishes he knew what you might taste like right now. He scolds himself for fantasizing.

You don’t speak either, and you stand in silence for a while, until you eventually pop your hip, shifting closer to him. Maybe you don’t realize it, but you’re already standing so close that your arm gets pressed up against his. Neither of you acknowledge the contact, but Joel is acutely aware of how your skin burns hot against his own. He feels comforted by the affection, even if it’s unintentional.

“Want to leave?” Joel asks, and can hardly believe that the words came out of his mouth, even if he wanted them to. 

You look over at him, not bothering to hide your surprise, but your expression evens out quickly, and you give him a single nod. “Yeah.” 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Joel’s still not convinced this is real. It feels too much like a dream, the weather outside is so pleasantly warm it feels like he’s floating as you walk down the street. He had never expected you to agree to leave with him, and now he doesn’t know what to do, or what to say.

The greater distance you put between yourselves and the bar, the quieter the town is. Most of Jackson’s residents are at the dance, save for the guards at the front gate and the handful of people that had been mingling just outside.

He heads in the general direction of the neighborhood, even though he lives on a different street. 

“What are we supposed to do now?” you wonder out loud, and you sound a little incredulous, like you’re equally as shocked to find yourself beside him. The question carries a bit more weight than it would have coming from anyone else.

Joel contemplates. He’s not sure what he wants from you – there are a lot of things, actually – but he doesn’t know if he really deserves any of them. For now, your companionship is more than enough.

“You’re welcome to come back to mine,” he offers.  “But if you’re looking to keep drinking, all the booze is back at the bar.”

“I’m good.” You shake your head like you’re uninterested, but look over at him with a sparkle in your eye. “I have something better….” 

You reach into the pocket of your flannel and produce a rolled joint between two fingers, looking over your shoulder. “Those dances are usually terrible, so I always come prepared.” 

Joel can’t help the chuckle that escapes him, and the sheepish grin he gets in return makes his cheeks feel warm. “Where’d you even get that?”

“You’ve never been on patrol with Eugene, have you?” you ask. “He has a place just out of town where he grows it. I’ve been helping him since we first got paired up, and in exchange, I get to sample the supply.”  

Of course. Joel would’ve never imagined that was the reason you were so close with Eugene, but it suddenly makes incredible sense. He shakes his head in a combination of relief and amusement. “You really haven’t changed.” 

“Oh, I’m sure I have,” you answer, smiling to yourself and looking at the ground. “But of course I haven’t shaken all my bad habits.”

“That’s not true,” Joel mutters.

“Well, you haven’t changed either, for as much as you’ve tried to convince me,” you nudge him gently, offering him the joint. “What do you think?” 

Joel plucks it from between your fingers and puts it between his lips. “I think I have a lighter at home.”

“Sounds perfect.” 

In the front hallway of his house, you slip out of your tennis shoes, shuffling behind him in your socks, pausing occasionally to study some of the doodles that Ellie had drawn and hung on the walls – it wasn’t exactly a priority to decorate these days, but they certainly livened up the place. He knows how much Ellie likes you, despite the fact that she doesn’t gush, but the odd comment here and there says as much. Joel remembers how difficult it had been to keep Sarah away, and Ellie now is no different. He doesn’t seem to be able to help himself, either. 

You sit next to Joel on his wicker couch, curling your feet up under you as he lights the joint and study him while he takes the first few puffs. He does it without thinking. That’s how soft Jackson has made him. Normally, he’d be too stressed about being out of his wits. But he can’t see how hypervigilance has served him since settling down. He feels safe here, and somehow especially because he’s with you. 

When he passes the joint your way, you look at him wistfully. “Old times,” you say with a grin. 

Joel nods as he exhales, coughing. “Old times.” 

“Oh yeah,” you say, as if you just remembered something. “You can’t tell Ethan about this. He doesn’t know, and he will give me shit about it. I need him to take me seriously.” 

Joel shakes his head. “Well, you know, it sounds like he and Tommy both think you and Eugene are together.”

“What?” your head jerks forward in shock, eyes going wide. “Oh my god, no. Do people think that?”

“I’m just sayin’,” Joel wants to mention how he had seen you whispering to each other at the bar earlier, but then realizes it’d give a bit too much away. “That’s what they think.”

“Well....historically speaking I might’ve liked older men…. but not that old.”

Joel purses his lips. “You’ve lived here awhile, huh?” When you nod, he continues. “Has no one caught your eye?” 

“Uhm….not really. But….” you trail off, looking into Joel’s backyard. “To be completely honest, I  don't think about that much these days. I guess I feel like I have a lot to be grateful for. I don’t want to push it.”

Joel understands, and nods pensively.

“What about you?” you ask. 

“I guess I feel the same.”

That causes you to smile a little bit, look over at him. “I bet you already know this. But the women here would line up down the block for you.”

Joel can’t help but roll his eyes, though he wonders if you would, too. Even if you did like him, that didn’t seem like your style. 

“I’m serious. I’ve heard the things they whisper behind your back. All their fantasies about you are pretty creative...”

“Fantasies?” He grimaces. He imagines none of them know anything about who he really is. You’re the closest thing, and all he’s done is hurt you. “I’m sure you were quick to set them straight.” 

“I don’t say anything,” you say, then continue on, a little quieter, looking at him from under your lashes. “I like to keep you to myself.” 

Joel isn’t sure how to respond to that. You have every right to tell all of them that you were once together, and all the ways he’s hurt you since. Yet for some reason, you’ve chosen to protect him. 

“So….all this time….” you wonder. “You had to have been with other people, right?”

Joel doesn’t think to hold back. “I had a partner for a long time. Tess. First, it was all business, I helped her smuggle things in and out of the Boston QZ…and then, I don’t know….we got along, we trusted each other and…” Joel trails off, hoping you’d put together the rest before he has to go into too much detail. “She was real fuckin’ tough. Scared me a little at first. You would’ve liked her.”

“Well, we already have one thing in common. What happened?”

“She’s the whole reason I ended up out here….with Ellie,” Joel explains. “But I lost her a little over a year ago.”

He hopes you don’t ask how. Maybe someday he’d be willing to go into detail, but talking about it generally is hard enough as it is. But fortunately, you seem to pick up on his hesitance. “I’m sorry, Joel,” you say softly.

He shakes his head. “I was an asshole. To her. I should've....after Sarah died I didn’t want to get attached, so I kept her at arms length and I... I wished I hadn’t in the end. It only made things worse.”

“Yeah,” you nod, look down. “I’ve made that mistake before.”

Joel doesn’t want to linger any longer on the memory. “What about you? Were you with anyone?”

“Uhm, yeah,” you fidget, looking uncomfortable. “I had a partner….for like ten years."

Ten years? He had been with Tess for more, but something about that information feels jarring. He’s shocked Tommy never told him this. Did Tommy even know? Suddenly, it dawns on Joel everything that could’ve happened to you since you’ve been apart. Entire lifetimes. And he’d said such horrible things when you’d fought. He remembers your face when he’d told you that you didn’t know what it was like to lose a child. Maybe you had. He’d been so cruel and inconsiderate just because he was uncomfortable. 

His throat feels tight, almost scared to learn anymore. “What…what was his name?”

“Well, Bea….was her name.” 

Joel is sure he doesn't hide the shock well. “Sorry, I didn’t know…”

“Yeah,” you say. “I don’t think I did either. Well, I sort of did, but I was too young I think when I first realized to make any sense of it, but…. I met her and…yeah,” then, you smirk. “I mean, I went to an all-girls school and I had a really bad relationship with my dad so…it definitely makes sense. ” 

Joel considers this, smiles along with you. “But anyways. Her and I met shortly after my brother died and it was kind of the same. We kept each other alive, things developed from there. We ended up getting involved with this group who lived in the middle of nowhere. That’s a whole other story, but…” you wave your hand. “I loved her, and I lost her right before Ethan and I got here.” 

Joel sees all the pain in your eyes, and wishes he could say something to take it all away. He knows he can’t. You look back out into the woods in his backyard, take a deep breath, and reach back towards the joint that you had put out not long before, lighting it again. Joel gets the sense that both of you had done the most amount of sharing possible for the time being. 

“Look at us,” you take another drag before passing it over. “Old times.”

“Old times,” he repeats, a smile working its way onto his face. 

“This used to be my favorite thing to do with you.” 

“It was nice,” Joel agrees….hesitates before continuing. “But I can think of some things I liked better.” He gives you a knowing look, and you roll your eyes, laughing easily at his joke. It feels so good to make you laugh, to see you smile. Why had he spent so much time resisting?

“Touche.” 

What happens next spills out of Joel so quickly he doesn’t think to stop it. “I tried to look for you….after all this happened. I didn’t have Sarah anymore, and I thought maybe….I don’t know. It was the only thing that kept me going for a while.”

“I did too,” you confess. “But…I was with Vincent and Ethan, and I felt like I couldn’t leave them alone for something that might just be…. I always hoped you both made it. And I’m so sorry she’s gone. I really did love her.” 

“I know you did,” Joel reaches out to take your hand. “I know. And I shouldn’t have said those things I did. I’m still not sure why you’ve been so patient with me.”

“Hmm,” you shift so that you’re closer to him. “You waited around for me back then. It’s only fair that I’d wait around for you now. I want you in my life. I don’t care what that looks like. But it’s too hard to forget about a person that you loved.” 

Joel wants as much from you as you’re willing to give, and he can’t tear his gaze away from you. But he wants you to see him, all of him, before he takes it. 

“I’ve let a lot of people down. I’ve done a lot of h-horrible things,” his voice cracks, and tears well in his eyes. 

“I have, too, you know? Those things still live with me. But I think what matters is who we are now,” you reach out, fingertips brushing the scar on his temple, and Joel swears that even if you don’t know the story behind it, you can see right through him. “And I know who you are.” 

“I don’t want to hurt you anymore than I already have.” 

“You won’t,” you say. “No more than anyone else has. And if it makes you feel better…when people hurt me, I’ve gotten pretty good at hurting them back.” 

“If I do, I’d hope you would.”

“I will. I promise,” your thumb strokes his cheek, marveling at him. “I would suggest a blood oath or something but….I heard we kind of already did that…”

He’s given you every warning, every barrier, and you’re still here. He can’t believe it, and he doesn’t think he can hold back any longer. “Come here.”

He kisses you. He wishes that he could be slow and tender and gentle like he used to be – and certainly he’s still capable, but he realizes that he’s been depriving himself of something he wanted for so long, and can’t seem to control himself. 

Your hands land on the side of his face, and he wraps his arms around your waist, pulling you onto his lap. Maybe you’re somewhat taken aback by his urgency, you hum against his lips, but you don’t resist at all. Joel maneuvers you so you’re straddling his thighs, and he grips your hips, your ass, coasts his hands up your side. Your lips part in a moan, and he slips his tongue into your mouth. 

For a while, he stays there, savors the taste of you, whiskey and smoke still lingering on your lips. His hands cup your jaw, feel your body, grip and squeeze and stroke and you let him, continue to let him. He tries everything, wondering if you’ll tell him to stop, if you’ll decide you’ve had too much, but you don’t. Then again, he should know by now that you’re a woman who knows what she wants. He just finds it’s hard to believe that he’s the thing you want.

You break away from him, just a little, and Joel presses his nose to your neck, kisses your pulse point. 

“Should we go upstairs?” your voice is raspy and breathless. “Will Ellie be home soon?” 

“Probably not for a while. We can be quick.”

“Hopefully not too quick,” you raise your eyebrows. Joel can’t help but laugh a little. He relishes in the way your hands rake up and down his arms, exploring him, touching him. Of course he wants you, but even just this would be enough. He’d be content with less, he hadn’t realized how starved of affection he’d been.

You’re able to pry yourselves off one another to make it up the stairs, and Joel guides you with a hand to the small of your back. When you get to his bedroom, he opens the door, but stops you before you go inside. 

“Hold on,” Joel mutters, winding one arm around your waist, the other behind your knee.

“Joel, what-no, you’ll–” he pulls you into his arms. 

“Do you really think I’m not strong enough?”

“I didn’t say that,” you chuckle as he carries you over the threshold and into the bedroom, breath puffing against him before he lays you down on the bed. 

When he hovers over you, your fingers wind into his hair, nails raking against his scalp. He savors every sweet sigh he’s able to pull from you, hands cupping your breasts and squeezing your hips. You’re so pliant and open beneath his body, it makes it easier to not feel guilty about what he’s doing. He knows he shouldn’t feel guilty, you’ve said as much, but it might take some time before the feeling will die completely. Hopefully, he has enough time with you to see it off completely.

Clothes are removed quickly, intentionally, as you both bare more and more of yourself to each other. And while he wishes he could’ve been there to see the ways in which your body has changed, you’re still as beautiful as ever. 

Joel, however, is hesitant to give himself away completely. When you tug at the hem of his shirt, he hesitates. 

“I don’t know if-” he pauses. “If you want to see all that.”

“Joel,” you stare at him knowingly, kneeling across from him as he stands at the edge of the bed. “I do.” 

So he releases your hand, and lets you pull it over his head. Carefully, you study him, his body littered with scars. He knows he’s not as in shape as you remember. These days, he hardly can look at himself in the mirror after a shower. He expects you to be disgusted, or at least see it flit across your face before you compose yourself, but you don’t. Your fingertips drag through the smattering of hair on his chest and down his torso, tracing several prominent scars – each one with a story – but you linger on the one at his abdomen, frowning. 

He sees the question on your face, but you don’t ask it. Instead, you return to press yourself against him. “I’m so glad you’re still here….”

You kiss him, then, and Joel can only kiss you back. 

Joel isn’t the only one with battle scars. Some of them he feels are his fault, but you seem less self-concious about them, which gives him a surprising amount of confidence. Maybe it’s just a reality of what happens when you make it this long. 

When you’re finally bare beneath him, he admires how you look, stretched out and waiting, chest heaving and shivering with anticipation. He slides his hand between your legs – feels you already wet and warm, sinking two fingers inside. Your walls flutter around the intrusion, back arcing off the bed when you sigh out his name. Joel.

He’d forgotten how nice it felt to hear that. 

Joel is already thinking about what he’d like to do to you next time. He’d be more careful, more patient. He’d bury his face between your thighs to see if you tasted as good as he remembers, he’d let your fingers curl into his hair. But right now you both seem desperate for the same thing. 

He pumps his cock a few times with his hand, he can’t remember the last time he’d been this hard – the last time he’s wanted anyone this badly. Even with Tess, it had always felt like the both of them were hurrying to scratch an itch, her eyes would wander like she was thinking of other people, and maybe he was, too. 

Joel lines himself up with your slick cunt, teases you a little, and you roll your body down to meet him, gasping when his blunt head slides in – just a little. 

He can’t hold back. You practically suck him in, so tight and hot around him he finds it immediately overwhelming, but he doesn’t even think to pull out. Only when he’s fully seated inside you, and given you a chance to adjust, does he start to move. 

It’s euphoric. You’re both older now, more mature, but he still remembers all the things you liked, even if it takes a moment for him to find the spot inside you that makes you cry out, legs wrapping around his hips. 

Unlike before, you don’t bother trying to hide from him. You kiss him, hold him, touch him, look him in the eyes, tell him how good he feels – you don’t hold back. Joel relishes every word you say, clings to the praise and gives it back. Your lashes flutter when he tells you how pretty you look.

He can think of nothing else other than bringing you pleasure, can tell you’re getting close when you begin to rut against him, and he reaches down to let the pads of his fingers slide over your clit.

When you come, you whine his name, lock your lips with his own and he swallows your moans. The feeling of you so impossibly tight and wet and pulsing and squeezing him so tightly has him following closely after. 

His head is still buried in the crook of your neck when you speak again. “God, I’ve missed you.”

“I’ve missed you, too.”

The second Joel pulls out, he starts missing how close he felt to you. But you fix that by rolling over onto your stomach, curling up at his side, head on his chest, and arm across his stomach. 

“Joel. Fuck, you’re so perfect.”

He’s far from it. But he’s starting to think if you say it enough, maybe he’ll start to believe it. He turns his head to kiss you gently, slowly. “So are you.” 

“We can do this again, right?” you ask. 

“Yes,” he says. “Yes, we can.”

“Good,” you settle back against him, and very slowly, he dozes off with you right beside him. He doesn’t want to sleep alone again, and luckily, he doesn’t have to. 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

-December 4th, 2026-

When you return home from patrol, you find Joel in his living room – boots off and socked feet propped on the arm of the couch. You don’t notice his eyes are closed, that he’s asleep, until you get closer, see the book he’d been reading resting on his chest as he snores lightly. You can’t help but feel for him – he’s probably exhausted from constant patrols, so he must be tired. 

But mostly, you’re just overwhelmed by the love you feel for him, catching him in a quiet moment of vulnerability. Hesitantly, you reach out and squeeze his foot. It’s gentle and tender enough that he blinks his eyes open and looks around, taking in his surroundings, rather than jolting awake like he often does. When he sees you on the opposite end of the couch, he melts back into the pillow he’s propped against. 

“Hey, stud,” you lean against the arm of the couch. 

“Hey,” Joel answers, voice still gruff with sleep. “How long was I out?”

“I don’t know,” you shrug. “I just got in.”

“Hmm,” Joel closes his eyes again, folds his hands across his stomach.

“You’re wearing the glasses I got you,” you point out. They’re simple. Rectangular black frames. You’d found them on patrol, and brought them home after Joel had been complaining that he could barely see when he read before bed. But he’d tried them on and insisted he hated the way they looked, so you’d ended up using them most of the time.

“They do work,” he grumbles, like he’s ashamed to admit it. “But I still think they look stupid.”

“You look like a sexy librarian,” Joel rolls his eyes, but you can tell he’s suppressing a grin. There’s always a bit of defiance about him, he can’t fully admit how you get him so flustered even after you’ve spent so much time together. You press your thumb into the arch of his foot and he groans. “That feel good?” you ask. 

“Yes.”

“Whatcha reading?” You gesture towards the book. 

“Some book about the moon landing,” Joel lifts it off of his chest, where it lay face down and open, looks at the back cover. “For Ellie.”

“How sweet.”

“It’s a little dry,” he deadpans. “But she likes this stuff.” 

You shift your massage to his other foot. Joel stretches, his arms lifting above his head, the shirt he’s wearing rides up just so, so you see a sliver of his lower belly before it disappears again, throwing an arm over his eyes. 

“Are you tired?” you ask. 

“Always,” he says through a yawn. 

“Me too,” you yawn along with him, since they’re contagious. He pulls the glasses from their perch on the bridge of his nose and shuts the book, placing them both on the coffee table in front of him. You take your hands off his feet and he sits up a little straighter, holding out his hand. 

“Come ‘ere,” he says, and you do. 

He grunts as you settle into his arms, head nestled against his chest, sprawling out almost on top of him, the only way you both can fit like this on the couch.

“You’re so warm,” you say softly, letting him wrap his arms around you. 

“You’re cold. Your hands are freezing,” he holds them in his own.

“It’s cold out.”

“Don’t know why you left today.”

“Obligations. Patrol.”

“Fuck that.”

You laugh into his chest, pausing for a moment before speaking again. “You know, I think we might be boring.”

“What makes you say that?”

“Well, we don’t really leave the house. We spend all day reading. And we’re old.”

“We’re not that old.”

“But we’re getting up there.”

“Sure, but…” Joel trails off. 

“Everything’s so quiet, so calm.”

“I think that’s what most people would describe as content.” 

“Are you content?” you ask, lifting your head to look him in the eyes. 

“I’m happy,” he says softly, tucking a piece of hair behind your ears. “Are you?”

“Of course.”

“Good. Then don’t worry about the rest.”

“Okay,” you settle back against your husband's chest, feel his lips brush your forehead.

His fingers search absentmindedly for the ring on your finger he’d found while clearing out a pawn shop not too long ago. The one he wore looked nothing like your own. But the marriage had been long overdue, and neither of you cared what the rings actually looked like. 

Nowadays, you split your time between his place with Ellie, and your own with Ethan, but end up in his bed every night. At this point, you don’t think you could sleep without him. 

Years ago, another lifetime, you’d had a conversation underneath a sky full of stars. You’d told him that for you, good things had never lasted. Joel had made a promise. 

This will.

It took time. There was a lot of pain. But in the end, he had told you the truth.

-

-

-

[shentheauthor]

That's ok! But I got a new request! Those headcanons for the Harbingers' S/O clobbering people got me thinking... Can I request headcanons about the Harbingers having a sweet and precious S/O who is also incredibly strong? They just regularly bench press Fatui Skirmishers, like the Electro ones with the hammers, will fist fight hilichurls and win, and carry loads that look like they could crush them with ease. Even more confusing if they have an average or slender build.

Heyo sorry this took so long! But I am here now to write <3

Harbingers with an s/o who’s small, but very strong

~~~~~~~

Pierro:

This man has lived for centuries

He thought he’d seen it all

But when you picked up a skirmisher with one hand and threw him across the room while helping the new recruits train

Pierro almost had a heart attack

He thought he imagined it at first, but the groaning skirmisher you’re helping to stand is more than enough evidence to the contrary

He’ll run over immediately and start questioning how in the hell you did that

Were you born with this strength???? Or did you do some kind of insane magic????

Watches you like a hawk now, but affectionately

Lowkey wants to be carried, but he refuses to ask

If you pick him up without permission tho, he will get SO flustered

Lift that old man, he’s touch starved and he needs it

Capitano:

The fatui soldiers see the two of you as a sort of “good cop” and “bad cop”

Soft, sweet angel, and an absolutely intimidating powerhouse

Imagine everyone’s surprise when you lift capitano effortlessly

Capitano is the most surprised out of everyone

He was just coming back home from being away for a while, and you greeted him at the city’s entrance

And there you go, spinning him around and crushing his ribs despite your average size

The man was too stunned to speak

His first thought is “have you been training??” But he’s smart enough to know that this is probably just

A You Thing™️

He’ll let you train with him now

And help the Fatui grunts train as well

You’ll beat everyone’s asses (politely) and capitano will just go “now this is why we don’t underestimate our opponents”

Now you two are both powerhouses, and everyone is afraid of you LMFAO

The two strongest people in Teyvat dating each other… what are the odds /hj

Dottore:

He’ll probably find out during an experiment gone wrong

A ruin machine goes out of control, and the segments are all working to take it down

AND ITS THE S/O WITH THE STEEL CHAIR (except the steel chair is your fucking fists)

Lifting literal Tons of metal effortlessly and tearing it apart without breaking a sweat

The segments: 👁️👁️

Godspeed, friend, bc they will NOT leave you alone now

When you date one Dottore, you date ALL of them

And all of them want to run tests on you

Or get carried by you

Or both at the same time

Seriously they wanna experiment on you SOOOOO bad

He is an absolute simp for you tho, so he will shut up if you promise to carry him around and help him with other experiments instead

Carry multiple segments at once, they will miraculously not fight with each other bc they’re in your arms <3

The Fatui soldiers thought you were the safe one, the sane one

But now they’re terrified of you too AJGKBKDKVKDK

Columbina:

Omfg dude she is SO happy

She’d probably find out after you pick her up

It’s not exactly hard to do, but she’ll notice that you didn’t even make an ounce of effort

So she’ll ask you to lift more things

Getting increasingly heavy

And she is absolutely delighted

Literally living her best life

You are now her personal vehicle

Carry her everywhere and she is happy

Loves watching you lift impossibly heavy objects easily

She thinks it’s so hot and amazing and impressive

She is so in love <3

Two people who look soft and sweet, but are secretly terrifyingly strong <3

Arlecchino:

She’d probably find out if someone tries to hurt you

Like on a mission or smth

Ruin golems come after you, as they tend to do, unfortunately

Arle wants to protect her soft, sweet s/o

But boom, there you go, LIFTING THAT THING

Bc you don’t want her to get hurt, of course!

She would have a solid 10 minutes of sheer confusion

“Who are you, and what have you done with my s/o”

It’s very clearly still you tho, as you’re checking her over for injuries

Once she’s processed and accepted what happened, she’s even more in love

You’re so strong, and that’s AWESOME

Asks you to help “deal with” insubordination

She doesn’t approve of how gentle you are with disobedient soldiers

But at least watching you lift them up and place them gently in their barracks as punishment is hella fun

I wanna know more about her HoYo…

Pulcinella:

He would not realize for a while

You like carrying him, but he isn’t exactly hard to carry for a normal person

No, he would realize when you’re both on a business trip

Loading luggage onto your carriage, there’s a ton of suitcases

“I’ve got this, love,” you say, reaching for all the very large, very heavy stacks of suitcases

“No, you don’t have to— what the fuck”

Very shocked, very flustered, bc wait, you can do this to ANYONE you want? Not just a little tiny gnome?

Oddly quiet and shy around you for the trip 🤨🤨🤨

This old man is so in love

Definitely watches you if you ever train in any way

Hell you probably have a few friends in the Fatui

He’ll watch you “hang out” with your friends (aka bench press them)

And he will just be :)

Quietly flustered mans

Scaramouche:

He can feel your strength when you hug him and pick him up

He isn’t exactly hard to pick up, being made of mostly light materials

But your lack of effort is suspicious

He has theories, and he will test them by taking you on missions and having you fight enemies

“Will you please lend me a hand”

You’re super sweet, so of course you’ll help

And oh there you go, literally punching through a ruin guard in one shot

Being an absolute ray of sunshine the whole way through

“Are you ok, kuni? :D”

He won’t comment on your strength, but man he’s proud to have such a strong partner

He knows the appeal of allowing your opponents to underestimate you, even tho that’s not what you’re doing

So he won’t tell anyone about it and delight in the shock that everyone else experiences when you reveal it yourself

And if he lets you carry him more often after? Well that’s none of your business…

Sandrone:

She wants one of her larger dolls moved

And before she can get her big robot butler guy to do it, you’re taking care of it

Boom, big robot butler guy has been replaced /hj

Like, Sandrone won’t even use machines to move her dolls anymore

She just has you do it, since you’re happy to help

She’s so excited for the extra help 😭😭 for once

Be honored she lets you touch them

BUT! Also…

She wants you to carry her sooo bad

She will never tell you directly, but she makes it so obvious you always know when she wants it

Sandrone visibly relaxes in your arms

She feels safe and warm and happy

Very glad she didn’t turn you into a puppet lmao

Signora:

She’s so shook omfg

You lifting her is kind of insane, bc she is TALL AS HELL

But you did lift her, and there she is, held in your arms and slowly beginning to blush

“…dear, please put me down”

“Nope <3 your feet look tired, you deserve a break <3”

“…fair enough”

She won’t let you carry her in public, but in private? She will wrap her whole body around you and let you hold her

She thinks it’s funny to watch you just LIFT gunners and skirmishers, bc they’re always so shocked

She will compliment your strength in private all the time

What I wouldn’t give to have her wrapped around me, dancing in her bedroom with nobody else around AUGUHHHHH

Pantalone:

You two get caught in the rain together while in Liyue on banking business

Neither of you have umbrellas, and Pantalone is wearing his nice shoes

You, being a sweetheart, don’t want his shoes to get dirty, so you pick him up and book it to the bank

This man is so confused, flustered, and delighted at the same time

“Darling, you never told me you could lift me like that”

When he finds out you can lift more? Oh my god dude he is so whipped

He wants you to hold him all the time

He just adores watching you carry things around

Especially because everyone stares and looks so freaked out Lmao

This man is literally just… heart eyes, motherfucker personified

Literally so so down bad for you, it’s not even funny

Carry his mora for him, he’ll propose on the spot /hj

Tartaglia:

OH MAN

He wouldn’t bring a non-combatant onto the battlefield

But he would see you training with the soldiers and immediately do a 180 on that

“PLEASE SPAR WITH ME!!!”

You will, bc you know how much he loves it

And you won’t beat his ass, bc he’s very skilled, but man the hits you land hit HARD

He will now show you off to everyone

“Guys this is my beautiful, kind, strong s/o, look at them :D”

Down bad mf

Loves being carried soooo much dude, he’s so touch starved and he wants affection so bad

Hell dude he’ll let you carry him in public

Unless it’s around his soldiers

He has to set a good example after all

But every other time, you will not be allowed to put him down

Utterly smitten mf

[ptsdangeldust]

tw rape / abuse / suicidal ideation / self harm

can i just fucking say that the "poison" scene was just fucking flawless to me. as a survivor of rape and psychological abuse it was so fucking hard to watch and hit on every note i wanted it to. the suicidal ideation, the self destruction, the pain, the torment, the addiction, the hopelessness, everything.

[this got long LOL big analysis of ep4 basically]

also it's a little funny how easily i called it when the pilot came out that angel was gonna have ptsd and cope with it through hypersexuality . like this was obvious from the start to me and they do telegraph / foreshadow it from the first episode pretty well in my opinion. like ALMOST too much. but at the same time i'm kind of glad. like that's what i like about the show is that it *is* so raw and over the top when it talks about this kind of thing. that's why i like campy edgy uncomfortable shit bc where the fuck else am i gonna hear anyone specifically hit the perfect sweet spot of just exploitative-feeling enough to feel palpably uncomfortable in a way that just like. perfectly conveys this message. in my opinion, obviously.

it's like so crazy to me that i had this exact high expectation for the show and adjusted for edginess and got exactly what i wanted and then some. like. god. they hit every note in succession all at once and then tied it off with a beautiful, nuanced but genuinely well paced and well thought out resolution.

"loser, baby" was so fucking perfect as the counterpoint to "poison" in this episode. also charlie coming in and being purehearted but not knowing what she's doing and making it worse. but angel ultimately understanding that she meant to help and it's not her that's the problem obviously. and then husk is ultimately the one to give a shit about angel (with some encouragement, which like i honestly appreciate that he doesn't take angel's bullshit and isn't just the like Token Black Savior who has no character or agency of his own [of course i'm white so don't take me as the authority on this issue but i'm certainly aware of it]) and like not only try to stop him from self destructing but like relate his experience and make him admit he has a fucking problem. sooooo much of abuse is built on making the victim think they're at fault for what they're going through. the way val makes him look in the mirror and say "yes" outloud to himself over and over while literally holding his head and threatening him was such a good way of driving that home. and then we see angel have so much pride poked at so easily when he's called fake because he's SO aware he's putting on an act. he lets himself be exploited because he thinks it gives him a sense of control. can't be called fake if i'm an actor. can't prove i'm ever real. never have to BE real. never have to admit that anything is wrong and come to terms with it.

and so husk comes right the fuck out and says it. you're a loser. you're washed up. you're a has been. you're self destructive. you hurt everyone around you. ..... and you're not alone. THAT'S the important part. that's the real thing that gets you out of abuse. people. not being alone. like not just KNOWING that THEORETICALLY you're not alone but actually having people show up and help you and put in the work and relate to you and listen to you and let you listen to them. that's why abusers chronically work to isolate people. because it's so much easier to exploit someone who has absolutely no support system. who only answers to them. who has no one to turn to if shit goes sour.

ok also the fucking hypersexual self harm? i have NEVER seen that portrayed so accurately and so explicitly before. i feel like basically every single time i see it talked about at ALL in media it's either 1) portrayed as like sexy or ultimately good 2) strays totally the opposite direction and is talking more about cycle of abuse shit (which yes that's also important but not what i'm after) 3) really just hinted at / i have to like extrapolate it from vague hints or 4) exists in shitty media that is not ultimately trying to tell a story about escaping abuse it's just talking about a tragic waif and trying to make you feel sad. which is just another kind of exploitation really. so it was very refreshing to see it made very clear that angel was going around *trying* to get drugraped (which is NOOOOOT the same as consent. but i'm not going to get into that) because he was trying to hurt himself. he knew it wasn't good for him and he sought it out anyway. he could have wound up dead and he did not care. that's how low his self esteem is. that's how little he thinks of himself. that's how absolutely terminal his suicidal ideation is. i like used the word 'passive' at first but no i would not call that passive he is clearly actively suicidal hsuidguhds (ftr passive suicidal ideation is like. 'i wish i could go to sleep and not wake up.' but not actually acting on it. active is when you start purposely not looking both ways when you cross the street. that's basically what angel was doing)

anyway yeah. ep4 was kind of the peak for me i'm ngl HUIDGHIS obviously i'm very excited to see where things are going in general but especially more huskerdust........ i would like live if they didn't actually end up together but it feels clear to me that they genuinely care about each other and at least angel does seem to have... romantic-leaning feelings for him. would be cool if they had some scene where husk is like just cuz i care about you doesn't mean i'm going to be your magic saviour through love or whatever. bc i feel like it would be so easy for angel to immediately want and/or expect that. i did personally coming out of my abuse where i was absolutely desperate for real actual non-abusive love of any kind but i was NOT remotely healthy enough to truly accept it then even if it had actually been handed to me and i wound up in something that was..... better, yes, but ultimately still toxic and not completely ideal. not abusive, no, just not like. healthy. lol. but i do have good healthy happy love now so i'm glad lol <3 but like anyway this is a common thing with abuse survivors and it would *make sense* to see it but like i wouldn't put it past them to just go straight into "and then angel got better immediately and they got together and everyone lived happily ever after the end" HSDUIGSHUID but like idk man. we'll see LOL

also i did want to comment on like...... the fact that the scene was worked on by someone with a legit rape fetish who was like straight up into angel/val as a ship and thought it was like cool and fun or whatever. like. i really don't think the scene itself came off as glorifying rape or abuse. it's blatantly obvious that it's not good and the emphasis is placed entirely on angel's pain. and like it's. it's not porn. it's evocative. it's explicit. but the purpose of the scene is not "look at this hot sexy sex" it's "look at this horrifying abuse". like yes obviously there are gonna be people who get off on it but people can get off on anything if they try hard enough. porn is art explicitly meant for jacking off. not everything about sex is porn. i think if you interpret it as glorifying sex you're honestly out of your goddamn mind. the song ends with angel talking about how he wants to fucking die because of it. is that glorification to you?? really???

ultimately, *I* think it's good. i think, objectively, the team did an extremely good job. give them an award or something. i swear. where's the oscar. my boy angel needs his oscar LOL

... one last note, because this is tumblr: this is very triggering material. probably it should've had a better warning of some kind. but it is telegraphed/foreshadowed like i said and the show is rated 16+ on amazon (i feel like it should be 18+ imo but it's like. it's repeatedly listed as being for adults/"R rated" in promo material at least) and sex and violence are listed right there at the top of each episode where it shows the rating so like. idk man. that's as much warning as is usually given for this kind of thing ngl. i absolutely am not saying it's not triggering. but it is important to portray triggering things. it is important to talk about these things to give people in these situations someone to relate to and to give them the language to understand how to escape abuse, first of all, and like also art in general *should* be challenging. i think they genuinely said important, unique things and said them well. they did wayyyy better than i thought they would. for real. like esp coming from viv knowing her past like. clearly someone in the room actually knew what they were doing lmao (one of the writers for hazbin also worked on the episodes in helluva that covered similar abuse recovery material so. you know)

[here2bbtstrash]

bts doing no nut november - explicit

been a minute since we did a headcanons post huh!!!! and this felt ~seasonally appropriate~ 🤭 i actually discussed this a million years ago w my hyungline chat and the lovely @goodsoop - thanks for always feeding my insane bts brainrot, love y'all 😩 (and i'm really just considering this as no fap/not discussing or thinking abt partnered sex here, just fyi~)

knj: loses on day 1. this virgo has his masturbation routine down, so engrained as a part of his daily life, that on november first he doesn't even realize what day it is. he just busts a fat nut to one of his very favorite porn videos (downloaded to his computer ofc) without thinking twice about it, and it's only as he's cleaning up the mess that he's like.... fuuuuuuck.... i knew i was forgetting something 🤦‍♂️

ksj: doesn't do it out of protest OR reluctantly agrees but then quits on day 1. y'all simply are not gonna tell this man what to do! he comes when he wants to come dammit! his dongsaengs might be able to convince him to "say" he'll do it, but the minute he actually wants to jerk off, the competition is over lmao. there's not even any good reason why he should hold it in - besides, isn't that bad for you??? unhealthy??? this game is stupid and he doesn't wanna play 😤

myg: has no trouble not coming for 30 days, could probably win on accident. i feel the agust d hoes coming to fight me about this one but i'm sorry 🤷‍♀️ imo yoongs is a low libido guy!!! and you can't change my mind!!!!! make your own post lol! imo he'd rather save it for when he's with a partner, and besides, he's obviously too busy working or sleeping or watching cat videos. plus it's just so much effort and he hates having to deal with the mess after. he's fine with it, homie probably ends up in no-nut january without even really meaning to 🥱

jhs: wins, but it's a struggle. we all know he's got that serious business 'dance teacher hobi' scary amount of self control.... but eventually his ~urges~ do get pretty strong and hard (lol) to ignore. i can see hoseok being one to try and keep himself busy to keep the horny thoughts away 🤣 his big-ass closet is getting reorganized, new choreo is getting learned for no reason, and if you see him spam a ton of selfies on instagram, it's cause he's trying to distract himself 🤪

pjm: tries and absolutely loses. mini is sooooo physical and touchy i just don't see this one working out for him. in the beginning of the month i think he feels like it's pretty easy and he wants to do good and get praised by the other members, but midway through november he gets pretty desperate. he tells himself it's not really masturbating if he just humps against the bed and doesn't finish, but then one thing leads to another and it just.... feels too good to stop 🫠

kth: does it wrong and wins. we all know taehyung lives on his own mf planet so i absolutely believe this man is gonna EDGE himself for 30 days in a row. literally bring himself right to the brink of orgasm, then hop in a cold-ass shower and carry on with his life. it's fun for him 🤭 and when the members tell him he's doing it wrong, he says he's doing the advanced version 😏 and i just.... god bless whoever is on the receiving end of that load on december first lmfaoooooo 💦

jjk: OF COURSE HE FUCKING WINS. jk is the one who makes everyone participate, no fucking question, and he is in it to WIN IT bc of course he is. i know he's a jerkoff pro tho so he has to suddenly deal with having.... EVEN MORE excess energy than usual 🤣 we're talking multiple workout sessions a day, every day, just to burn it all off (namjoon goes with him even tho he's already lost 🥲). maybe even a tattoo session to help get his mind off things idk 👀 and when it's finally december first he's jerking off til his dick is RAW lmfao 💀

what do you think? any you agree/disagree with? 👀 lemme know~

[cinefairy]

Hey! I know you get tons of asks daily, but I saw you reblogged my old anon post lol (this one > https://at.tumblr.com/cinefairy/long-post-ahead-the-4d-is-the-only-real-reality/us69phf7wzjv idk how to link it bc I’m on mobile) but anyways I just wanted to update everyone to say that I’m doing so very well. Back then I was so stressed and idk I TRULY didn’t understand the law and I was still looking outward and I was stilll reading Neville and over consuming and not actually being a doer but I just wanted to update that all of those things are behind me and that I’ve manifested a lot of things now so I’ll list the ones I’m comfortable with sharing

1. I got into my dream college, I was orginally planning to go to an Ivy League but I realized I truly never really desired that and I just wanted to get in for the aesthetics and for my ego but deep down I wanted to go to this local small private art school near me and I got in! And I’m a top student as well. My teachers love me, recently one of my teachers used my work as an example for others and gave me extra credit!

2. Everything in my life has gotten so much easier. I’ve realized that I am the cause and if I am the cause of the bad things then I can also be the cause of the good things so I completely got rid of my inner critic and my fears/anxieties/worries and I am no longer surviving but thriving!

3. Making friends has gotten so much easier and my relationship with myself and my inner man it’s so amazing. Like yesterday I was shopping for perfume for myself with family bc it was my birthday and one of the workers complimented my vintage jeans and she was like she really loved vintage jeans and she told me all these places where she gets her vintage stock and I told my mom and she’s taking me and a friend to the places next week!

4. I manifested two of my ideal lululemon define jackets and flares! I asked my brother for it for my birthday and I really only asked for the jacket but I told myself he’s gonna give me two sets. So when my birthday came around he gave me a lululemon gift card and I opened it and it was for $400! Which I was able to order the two jackets and flares.

5 . I can easily play whatever I want on my guitar. I used to procrastinate on my guitar bc I thought it would be sooooo hard and that I would never be like my inspirations like Eddie Van Halen and Slash but once I went back to my roots and started back living in my imagination (NOT in a daydreaming way, wishing I could be just like them NO I assumed I was wayyy better than them ALL) it all became so much easier

6. I have fully accepted the laws of the law of assumption yk the basics like your imagination/inner man is the cause of it all and all of that crap (thanks to Edward art btw). I think that’s really a crucial reason why I think I really was “stagnant” with manifesting and just running in circles I truly didn’t understand the law. All I was doing was “trying” to get something and I was going 3D > 4D and I was affirming on loop just doing shit.

7. I finally got my learners permit lolz. I took my test and only missed two questions out of 40.

8. I finally realized what I truly desired. Now this one is so crucial because I remember reading on here about how some people are imagining things they truly don’t want and then Edward art said that you have to imagine what YOU want and not what OTHERS want from you and I did some deep diving and I realized I didn’t want what I wanted like I didn’t want fame, or fortune, or for people to be obsessed with me, or a baddie lifestyle, or men to flock at me, or a hypergamy lifestyle. I realized that was just who and I was using those lifestyles to fulfill the ego and I really view the ego as a bottomless pit like it’s only gonna get bigger and bigger until you just ignore it or pop it yourself. Like I didn’t want all of this designer crap like all I wanted was a life like the movie “dazed and confused” where I party til I drop on the weekends and I study like Rory Gilmore on the weekdays and I have this nice 70s-early 2000s rock/metal sound track vibe (I can’t explain this part but I just made a playlist and imagined my scenarios to it) and my own unique vintage style and I got that. 🤷🏾‍♀️ like if you desire something “odd” or “wonky” or “not so popular” like that then GO for it. No one is stopping you but self.

But now my inner man is fulfilled and if I desire something no matter how small or large I fulfill it instantly! Bc that’s what I’m here for anyways 🤷🏾‍♀️

Anyways I believe that’s really all I want to reveal. The law is really really easy peasy like when people say that they 100% mean it. Like no you don’t have to affirm 500 times, no you don’t have to mediate 5 times a day. All of it is coming FROM you not AT you. You are the cause of it all. Edward Art really helped me open my eyes more than they already were opened. He’s really the only law of assumption source I really trust other than Neville and a couple of blogs on here. But if you are still “stuck” (which you never are), I would 100% check out Edward art on YouTube and Reddit bc his wisdom freed me from a lot of things that I didn’t even consciously know I was doing. But you HAVE to apply it. You can’t be a hearer only. You have to apply the wisdom.

“The only real illusion is your disbelief that you don’t have your desires”

this is so amazing anon. im so happy for you. and i relate to you so much on the last point, go for the desires YOU TRULY DEEPLY WANT. do not alter your desires based on what other people popularise.

glad you’re living the life you want, you deserve it, im proud and you’re incredibly smart and inspiring ❤️

[phantomgraphicnovel]

Inking, inking, inking....I never get sick of it! Sooooo.....I guess some people out in the interwebs are having a hard time with how scary and ugly Erik is in my adaptation, which is kinda funny bc idk what they thought he was gonna be like? Well....i do, actually Lol. I guess I never had a problem with him being ugly and scary as that's a big part of who he is.

To me, Erik is one of the most fully realized characters in literature precisely bc he is flawed, angry, and not even half-handsome. We all know nobody is perfect, and Erik's imperfections are what make him feel so real and so human to me and to all of us. I'm not watering him down and handsome-ing him to appease an angry few bc they want a romance. That's silly!

There is already plenty of beautiful, ALW-themed, handsome phantom content for you guys to choose from, made by so many incredibly talented artists. That's not what I'm doing, though. I'm bringing the real story bc that's what I love. ❤️

Eventually, I will make you guys some fluffy content, but I'm just way too busy with page art for now!

.

Thanks to everyone who likes, shares, comments, and shows their support for this work in any way! I can't wait to share the rest with you! Only 75 pages left to go...and the ending...omg... i can't wait!!!

❤️

[princessbrunette]

do any of the boys feel like your type irl? whenever i read your stuff i can’t help but think ab how im usually most attracted to guys like rafe irl but it often doesn’t rly go anywhere bc i get too chickened out to go on. like i’ve ghosted all my rafe types early on despite liking them sm bc i got scared of how quickly intense my feelings got & of how intense the dynamic got 😭

but literally all my long-term exes are john b types (specifically the way you write him) which i’m also attracted to but i acc feel strong enough to stay bc they offer emotional security that makes me not as flighty. plus john b types are veryyyy persistent in a way that doesn’t trigger my neuroticism & makes me want to stay put. so im alw like d’awww reading his prompts too.

welllll, one of my first exes was literally rafe cameron. like he looks like him especially now (like a mixture of season 1/2 rafe but with brown hair) he’s rich, dresses in the polo shirts and shorts, always travelling with his work so all his instagram pics are on boats or at golf. he used to drive me around when i was like freshly 18 and say stuff like “so when are we gonna… you know.” and he was super toxic but also treat me well?? it was weird and hard to explain. so unfortunately my type that i actually end up with is rafe.

however, when i was 16 i dated a boy with a john b personality. like very gentle and the perfect first boyfriend you can imagine. HOWEVER HOWEVER now when i go out or i meet new people, im super attracted to the loud, funny guys that everyone loves, very much jj vibes. also love blonde boys it goes without saying .

sooooo if i’m dating guys (last long relationship was with a girl) im not sure what my type is. honestly any of them

[aerodaltonimperial]

May I please get Hook attempting to show affection and failing miserably? ie -attempting physical affection and punching/headbutting someone at normal strength instead of at joke strength because he didn't know you're supposed to hold back or hugging/holding onto a handshake for inappropriately long bc he has no idea how those work or what the cues are -gift giving and having his brain absolutely combust when the other person does not like chips, as eating snacks together is his #1 way of being a buddy and he has NO idea where to go without that option -trying really really really hard to hold a conversation and accidentally coming off as annoying or brainless -puts his all into assuring someone with compliments and accidentally backhandedly insults them instead

All of these just being spitballs off the top of my head, no need to stick to any of them. Preferably Besties but really it would be fun with anyone he's ever associated with. Just him trying so so sooooo hard because he is so full of love and being doomed hilariously (but obviously still loved back despite that)

(When I got this last night I was like HILARIOUS but I couldn't get to it until today and today my brain woke up going no funny only feels so.... oops 🧡🤜🤛💚)

When he was in first grade, a group of boys at school always played together during recess: silly kid games, full of superheroes and bad guys and flying and, inexplicably, sheep, and Hook spent a few days watching them zoom around the blacktop before he decided he wanted to join. He went in halfway through, knocked one of them down onto the gravel, and then asked the rest where the superhero operations base was.

"You can't just barge in here!" One of them shrieked, offended. "You can't just come in and decide we are friends!"

Hook hadn't tried to do that again. And he hadn't thought about that disastrous attempt in quite some time. But when he saw Jack Perry getting jumped by the Firm, he barged out without thinking, like he had that day on the playground. He barreled into the bad guys, and then he stuck his hand out for Jack to take, a slightly updates version of his 6-year-old self's instinctive attempt to forget friendship.

Jack's eyes had lit up. He'd taken Hook’s hand. And even later, backstage, when Hook expected him to push Hook away again, he hadn't done it. He hadn't told Hook that Hook can't just decide they are friends through physical force. Instead, he stuck close and sat next to Hook while getting checked by medical.

And Hook thought: oh. Maybe we are friends, now.

++

In fourth grade, Hook had one friend who lived down the street, because that's the way childhood friendships worked: location. They would ride bikes and play with action figures and sit in Hook’s basement playing Playstation games, and it was an easy camaraderie because they had a lot of the same interests and followed the same baseball team. Then his friend's grandfather died, and all the other kids at school got some gifts, since everyone knew how close they had been.

He got baseball cards and a t-shirt and a limited edition comic book, and then, when Hook handed him a bag of chips, everyone around them had burst into laughter.

"Seriously?" One of them said. "His grandpa died and you're giving him chips?"

Hook doesn't say that they always eat chips together, and it makes Hook happy, so he assumed that it made his friend happy, too. He doesn't say that he had thought this would bring comfort and familiarity when his friend needed something. He just left. And they stopped playing together after that.

After he fishes Jack out of the dumpster, they sit backstage. Hook pulls a bag of chips out of his backpack and offers it without thinking; he doesn't make a connection that maybe chips won't help after being attacked and humiliated. He doesn't think about Jack not liking the chips. He just knows that if he were sitting there, feeling low, he would want something to offer a burst of serotonin. He panics with the bag outstretched between them.

Jack smiles, genuine. He takes the bag. "Oh. Hey, thanks. Man, I was really hungry. And I love these."

They sit side by side as Jack chomps on the Doritos, and Hook's chest feels warm.

++

In high school, Hook played lacrosse. They made it to state, lost, and then the next year, made it again. The second time, they won. They worked all season and trained until they could hardly breathe, and they won. Hook was so overcome, so excited, and bursting with gratitude and affection for his teammates. He threw his arms around his closest friend on the team and hugged him tight enough to steal both their breath away.

He'd been pushed away, rather abruptly. "Dude, what the fuck," his friend had laughed, kind of tinny. Uncomfortable. "You're so touchy-feely."

Hook hadn't thought that he was; he thought it was natural to reach out, to seek warmth, to desire a physical contact with people he liked. After that, he hung back. Didn't offer anything more than a fist bump, because people didn't take it the same way, as simply the instinctive wish to make meaningful contact. It sucked, but he adapted.

Until the tag match against LFI, when Hook ends up covered in Preston Vance's blood. When he stumbles his way back to the center of the ring after throwing the man around in the stands, with crimson coating his hair. They've won, but Hook knows he has to look a fright.

Jack moves in, and Hook does, too, without thinking. They hug, just like that, between the ropes, and it’s so fucking nice. Jack ducks his head out of the hard cam line and asks, near Hook's ear, frantic, "You okay? You hurt?"

"I'm okay," Hook says. He reaches again, twice, just to prove that Jack is also okay, that he's still solid and steady and warm. That they won. That the excitement bubbling up through Hook’s chest is real. And Jack doesn't push him away. Jack's arms go around him each time, just as eager. Just as determined to claw out that physical closeness in the wake of an impressive victory.

++

They used to tell him that he was overwhelming. That his texts about everything and nothing, all the time, were too much. That he needs to have 10 good friends instead of one best friend, so he isn't so intense all the time, so weirdly possessive over his friendships. Hook doesn't hate everyone. He's not trying to be stand-offish. It's just that the only way he knows how to be a friend is to be everything, all the time, at maximum level.

++

Maybe Hook is a little different. Maybe he's a little bit odd, just a hair off from the rest. Maybe his idea of friendship doesn't match up with everyone else. But maybe it was always just a matter of finding someone on the same wavelength.

After that match, they sit shoulder to shoulder on Jack’s hotel bed, freshly showered. They've got a movie on. Jack has leaned over against Hook’s hoodie; his warmth is comfortable. Hook lets his head fall against Jack’s hair. Maybe Hook really is weirdly intense when it comes to friendships, but hey: turns out, Jack is just as fucking weird about it. When Hook sends 12 texts in a row, Jack responds to every single one of them.

"Haha," Jack laughs, popping a Cheeto into his mouth. Hook can feel the laughter rumbling through both their skin. "Think he's gonna regret sparing that guy's life?"

Almost assuredly. "Hey," Hook says, apropos of nothing, just because the emotion is swelling in his chest. "You're my best friend."

"Duh," Jack replies, like it's obvious. "You're mine, too."

[love-toxin]

miss ellie i'm realizing now that i never told you now revolutionary your ocs are. like. i've been on this website for literal years and the day i found your blog was with an oc post where you introduced such a dynamic lineup with so much variety, it was the first i had ever seen. maybe i wasn't looking hard enough but you had poc yanderes AND trans yanderes it was the first time i had ever seen any (i know it sounds crazy to say but i'm being so fr rn.) even when i look through your old posts and reread them i just get blown away by how each one is different and has their own personality even though you have so many?? anyway it's late and i just wanted to say that ty <3

will you marry me?? 🥺

LOL to be for real though that makes me sooooo happy you don't even understand, I'm really glad i get to be that way for you and all you lovely people 💕💕 it's a blessing to be able to write & post my work and I'm genuinely happy to see people connecting with it.

tbh, the representation i try to portray accurately is a really long-standing relationship i have with writing & authorship in general. this might not be a terribly interesting bit of lore but back when i was in my teens and consuming a lot of fanfic online in the early forms of it (ff.net my love </3) that was something that hit me a lot in reading self-insert fic, because I'd always been a huge reader and was just then tapping into self-inserts and community fiction posting rather than just books. and i remember distinctly (i think partly bc I've always grown up in multicultural neighborhoods/had mixed family growing up) reading fanfics and having the thought of "huh, i can relate to this description or this experience, but that makes me wonder whether other people can."

funny enough, it was partly when i would read descriptions of the author giving a self-insert long hair or referencing their hair in some way, and I'd start wondering how girls who wore a hijab would read that same piece, cause i went to school with a bunch of girls who wore it or a full niqab. and so i started wondering more like "if i was black, would i relate to this experience in this fic? if i was trans or gender non-conforming, are there characters i can relate to? if i were a mix of these things, could i find somewhere i belong in this setting?" and since then it kind of became a focus in the way i wrote stuff going forward.

i think using inclusive language in fic writing is really integral to a greater horizon of people enjoying it, and thinking on my ocs i always wanted to have characters that people could really relate to. I'd stop a lot in my process of creating my initial sets of characters and try to keep in mind those thoughts that i had in reading fics; "if i were this or that, could someone in that position relate to the stories I'm writing? and if not, what can i change to make that happen?" because if people are going to enjoy my characters or find comfort in them i want everyone possible to have the ability to. it's kind of intimidating at times to write for experiences i haven't had personally but it led me (and still leads me) to do a ton of research, and in doing so I've been able to learn lots of really fascinating things in the process. in doing so, it made it really easy for my characters to develop their personalities through my writing because i think they inherently have identities that are complex, which is always the goal you want for any character in the first place.

sorry that this kinda went off on a ramble LOL, but after so many years of writing and with my degree under my belt i still really think about it a lot. I'm really glad what i wanted to do has come across and i hope you continue to enjoy my ocs!! ❤️❤️

[georgieluz]

Hey Jules! 2, 9, 14, 19, 24, and 28 for the HBO War positivity ask game please ☺️

hi lou!! ofc ofc!! :)

2 - who are some your fav creators/mutuals?

i love all of my mutuals and every creator in the fandom bc everyone is just amazing!! but to list just a few @footprintsinthesxnd, yourself!! (@luckynumber4), @ep6bastogne @lamialamia @thewayisset @lewis-winters @jenkil @mads-weasley @hellofanidea @liptonwashere @malarkgirlypop @panzershrike-pretz @sweetxvanixlla @whollyjoly @samwinchesterslostshoe @next-autopsy @iceman-kazansky @heystovepipeboys @theflyingfin @cody-helix02 and many many more!

special shout out to the cult!! zim zam, my friends, zim zam!!! also i'm so sorry if i forgot to tag anyone!!

9 - a ship that you can't get enough of?

bradnate, andyeddie, snurgie, ronnix, lipluz, webgott, and no matter how much winnix i consume it never gets old so them too!

14 - your fav underrated character?

ooh this is always hard bc everyone classifies underrated as a different thing.. are burgie and harry underrated? if so, them! chuck grant, tab (this man is so loved he's can't be underrated but i couldn't not mention mr lover lover himself), alton more??? one of the most interesting easy co men for sure!! wish we had more of him (lol)

19 - what's your fav universally-accepted/fanon headcanon about a character?

ooh either all the nix childhood fanon or the andyeddie ghosts/afterlife/grief fanon.. yeah.. that hits the spot

24 - what wip from another creator are you most excited about?

all of @ep6bastogne's wips (yes i read all your tags about them in utter anticipation), @luckynumber4's burgie wip! anything @footprintsinthesxnd writes! same with @lewis-winters ALL of your wips sound so so sooooo up my street/my thing!! there are so many more but despite my plans to spend the day at home i actually have to leave the comfort of my bed and brave the cold outside, and i'm late already so i'm gonna have to stop listing, but it's very likely that i'm excited for almost every single wip any of you guys have!

28 - what's something that lives in your brain rent free and you want everyone to know about the show/the fandom/your works?

outside of hbowar??? oooh i have LOADS of things!! the thick of it!! it has such clever funny writing, the best dialogue and political satire ever, because it's just so true to life and accurate for uk politics. peter capaldi is fucking amazing in it! and you'll see a lot of uk actors that are famous for other things here. but yeah, it's just hilarious and witty and clever. love it. go watch it. ummm other than that, the korean band onewe!! please go listen to them, they are ridiculously talented and have the kindest most lovely and accepting fandom in the world. in fact, the hbo war fandom and onewe fandom are the only two fandoms i've ever felt happy and comfortable in. onewe write beautiful songs with the most gorgeous lyrics (they have a space series which is one of my all-time favourites). ALSO pride (2014) as a movie recommendation! this film is my comfort film but it tears me apart as well. some people watch it for the queerness and come away learning about welsh history too.. for others, it's the opposite. but as a welsh gay man for me both those elements are so important to who i am and my own identity, that this film is just feels so incredibly special to me. especially the character gethin who i really feel i can relate to a lot due to our circumstances. tim roth is someone who i always wanna shout about and who lives rent free in my head too. love that man so much. also the band the libertines!! because them and the strokes were my entire teenage years and i pretty much grew up with their music as my 'soundtrack'. ok i think that's enough, even though i definitely have way more to shout about. sorry i rambled!

for this ask game!

[softhairedhotch]

omg speaking of male ocs/reader . i just wanted to share about this One trope that got me CRAZYYY is secret relationships... the one's where aaron and oc are like pretty much dating but are trying to keep it a total secret from the rest of the team because #professionalism.... but they keep making little slip ups bc they're just so in love 😭😭 i think its just SOOO CUTE 😭😭😭

N THIS ONE SCENARIO THATS STUCK IN MY HEAD is like oc ended up sleeping over at aaron's place then in the morning his phone rings. but male oc doesn't realise that it's AARON'S phone (and not his) so he answers half asleep. but then on the other end of the line is another team member who's like "oh sorry- thought it was... i must have dailed the wrong number- wait... 🤨🤨" then male ocs like HORRIFIED and aaron soon wakes up to the sound and he's also SHOCKED but he tries to put on his #serious professional gruff voice and coming up with some excuse like they drank last night and then dozed on the couch or smth 😭😭 then subsequently aaron n reader have to keep defending themselves by saying it was just a #bro activity and that's they're just Bros n nothing more

my god... just thinking about how cute aaron is when he's flustered 😭😭😭 like how he has the 🥺 eyes but tries to cover it up with a 🤨😐🙄 "i don't know what you're talking about . can we talk about work now". LIKE the episodes when the team teased aaron when he was going out w beth My GODDDD HES SOOOO ADORABLE WHEN HES IN LOVE 😭😭😭😭 like his boyish grin n the way his face crinkles... i cannot deal with this

- 🤲

yesssss i LOOOVEEEE secret relationships sooo much, especially when it's like cute lil gestures during work or getting each other coffee n kissing when no ones around or cuddling at work bc they have to share a room and no one's gonna know <33 (unless one of the team happens to burst into the room bc they think aaron or the oc is in trouble somehow 🤭🤭🤭 and sees them snuggled up on the bed all cute 🤭🤭🤭 as they're holding their gun bc they think they were gonna find an unsub with them or them missing but noooo they're just wrapped up allllll cute in each other's arms 🤭🤭🤭)

OUGH I LOOOOOOVE THAT SCENARIO!!!!! heheh i love the idea of penny calling and being like "hey sir i- wait a moment i thought i called- no i know i did bc he's on speed dial so that means- oh my GOD you and boss man are CANOODLING" and oc/reader is just like "nonono i accidently slept here!!" n she's like "WHY WERE YOU THERE IN THE FIRST PLACE 🤭🤭" and aaron wakes up n takes the phone and is like "he came over to help me with jack and we drank a lil now we're asleep on the couch" and idk if she'd do this fr but maybe penny can track the phone real quick and she's like "then why does it say you're in the bedroom rn 😏" LMAOOO and bless them they're just trying sooooo hard to brush it off!!!

"we're just brooooos man bros gotta cuddle the homes sometimes!!!" 😭😭 it'd be lowkey so funny if oc is just like "don't you think aaron deserves a cuddle or two, guys? it ain't gay i swear man he's just in need of some love from the homies yknow. hey morgan maybe you should snuggle him next-" "absolutely not" "-i'm sure he'd love that! he just needs some loving, man" LMAOOO

and yesssss they'd tease his sooooo much <333 he'd get all flustered bless him and it'd be adorable and he'd be wanting to tell everyone they ARE together bc he wants to show oc off sooo much and give him work smooches and just be like "yeah this is MY BOYFRIEND!!!!" bc he's soooooo cute and in love but for now he just gets used to the teasing from the team (dave and penny mostly, but sometimes emily and spencer catch him off guard) hehe <3 it'd be like that scene where rossi looks at him once and just KNOWS he got a date with beth or something hehe and he goes "attaboy 😏" after he confirms he has!!! OUGH i neeeed him to smile like that at the thought of dating me SO MUCH and for rossi to be proud AHHHHH

and just the idea of a male oc making him all smiley and goofy and happy again <33 he kinda becomes how he used to be again GODDD like he's just happy again GODDDD 😭

his SMILE DJSKDJ GODDDDDDDD I LOVE HIM I LOVE HIM I LOVE HIM I LOOOOOOOVE HIM

also i currently have like 5 male oc's written up for him (like fics planned out or ideas for it) LMAOO they're all mostly from when i was in the fandom in 2021 but i wanna go back to the ideas sooooooo much 😭 and i made a new one a few days ago for a lil one chapter fic i wanna post hehe, it's so dramatic tbh but seems to also end in smut LMAO so hopefully i can get it out sometime 💪just need to write aaron being gay without it being reid or morgan amen (even tho i LOVE hotchgan)

thank you sm for the ask hehe <3

[amour-anguis]

20 questions for fic writers

Yazzzzz thank you for the tag darling!! @sequinhaze

1. how many works do you have on ao3?

7!! a few longer WIPs and a few one shots!!

2. what's your total ao3 word count?

668,490… good LORD i didn’t realize how many words it’d be 💀

3. what fandoms do you write for?

Harry Potter mainly, nowadays mostly Marauders era but i used to write Dramione as well!! I also have a Red White and Royal Blue one shot posted randomly bc duhhh 🫡 and i’m hoping to start writing AOT fic soon bc Eruri is sooooo ndbdhbshsbdh ya know?

4. what are your top 5 fics by kudos?

oh goodness let’s see:

1. Teeth (Marauders Jurassic World AU)

2. Ladder 126 (Marauders 911/911 Lonestar AU)

3. Iron Ambrosia (Kinky Jegulus One Shot)

4. Distractions (RWRB Texting Smutty One Shot)

5. Read For Me (Regulus/Remus Smut One Shot)

5. do you respond to comments? why or why not?

yes yes yes!!! i try my best to respond to all of them 🫶🏻🫶🏻 sometimes with Teeth it’s hard but i absolutely loveeee engaging in the comment section!!

6. what is a fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

it’s not posted yet but i’m working on the most heart wrenching MCD Jegulus short fic rn (like 3 chaps)… and it’s… well… yeah it hurts real bad.

7. what's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

i mean all my smut ends pretty happily i’d say 🤭 HAHA but none of my full length fics are done yet, if i had to say then probably the Rosekiller centric band AU i’m working on rn

8. do you get hate on fics?

sometimes unfortunately, everyone does. but i love what i write, i enjoy writing it, and i know there are lots of people who love the fics and that’s what matters :)

9. do you write smut? if so, what kind?

so much. all kinds. as sweet and vanilla or as kinky as i’m feelin, i’ve written it alllll HAHAHA

10. do you write crossovers? what's the craziest one you've written?

Marauders x Jurassic World for SUREEE that one is a wild ride

11. have you ever had a fic stolen?

no thank GOD

12. have you ever had a fic translated?

yep yep yep!!! Teeth was translated into Spanish and Portuguese :)

13. have you ever co-written a fic before?

well y’all know a lot of my work was written with my lovely Co-Author Riven!!!!

14. what's your all-time favorite ship?

i simply must pay some respect to the OGs and say wolfstar 🧎🏻‍♀️ jeggy, rosekiller, eruri, you came close <3

15. what's a wip you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

y’all reallyyyy don’t wanna know the answer to this 💀

(but Teeth part 1 reads like a completed fic so it’s fineeee pffff)

16. what are your writing strengths?

smut scenes, emotional breakdowns, and dialogue! oh and those single lines that just hit you right in your chest! i have a doc i wrote w just a bunch of lines like that to grab from if i need it

17. what are your writing weaknesses?

area descriptions, i always wanna just rush into the dialogue and what’s happening and i have a hard time actually describing the scene

18. thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

totally love it unless it’s like a LOT. i can translate it easily and even if it’s not a perfect translation it’s fine bc i can usually get the gist of it, but when it’s like a ton of dialogue in a long convo i get annoyed

19. first fandom you wrote for?

Dramione my loves <3

20. favorite fic you've written?

Teeth will always be near and dear to my heart, but also the random Reg/Remus one shot is everything to me and i love them and they love fucking in libraries SO-

tagging: @solmussa @greenvlvetcouch @kaaaaaaarf @odessities @soliloquy-dawn my lovesss 🫶🏻

[wowowwild]

Can I get Klavier for the character ask (i want to type a question mark but it won't let me help)

I hope you figured out your ? situation!

Favorite thing about them: Klavier Gavin is my special boy so jot that down. No but actually the way he's so dedicated to the truth regardless of the personal cost and is genuinely a good person but still a bratty diva.

Least favorite thing about them: Um??? How dare??? How dare I be asked to say something I dislike about my love??? Idk maybe

Favorite line: Quite. The. Pickle.

brOTP: He is worsties with Ema and I sooooo want him to be friends with Simon, but brOTP has to go to Athena or Trucy. I just want him to have so many friends bc he has like none but he deserves everyone to love him.

OTP: Well, ah, Klapollo if you couldn't tell, but I can also work with klavquill and we can polycule it as a treat. claypollier is also good.

nOTP: Ok I've seen him get shipped with a lot of people and I'm not about most of them but hands down no for me is xPhoenix and xMiles, I'm just not into it.

Random headcanon: I have so many but you can pry Klavier close with his Oma from my cold dead hands. Also I like to make him actually German, I know that probably wasn't the original intent considering the original Japanese version, but I want it so bad. And yes it's hilarious if he's not especially when he has a whole ass brother who is out here with no accent, never speaking German and it's so easy to be like who were you trying to fool if he's not, it really is funny and I will do most things for the bit, but I want him to be German. Also he is trans in whatever direction you want him to be but he isn't cis.

Unpopular opinion: idek bc most of my Klav content I consume comes from like five sources who are all absolutely correct about him. I don't think there's a prevalent opinion about him that I am absolutely on the opposite side of, but I could be wrong.

Song I associate with them: Killshot by Magdalena Bay bc of this animatic.

Favorite picture of them: I commed this one from taxkha 10/10 would recommend. Other than that it is sooo hard bc I like to pick an official art for this section and I love all of his official arts except for that one from DD that is randomly ugly. But I guess I'll pick this one.

All of his expressions in the aj manga are really good though/