#bc thats a thing i tried when i was a kid
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the mental image of an eggplant sitting atop a bagel wouldnt leave my head
#capart#pizza tower#the eggs also have sprinkles#bc thats a thing i tried when i was a kid#and it didnt taste good so i hid the plate in a closet to make it go away#anyways enjoy noisette egg platter deluxe
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oshi no ko aqua is such a fun character bc by most counts he's a more than decent guy.
in his first life he regularly visited hospital inpatients who had no visitors. he was genuinely happy and excited to help Ai deliver her babies, because he wants her to be happy on her own terms. he saves Akane simply because he can, and gets angry at the staff on her behalf. he doesn't stop at saving her life and spends sleepless nights turning around her public image. at that point there was nothing in it for him to keep akane around, she was just a person he was able to help and wanted to help.
by most counts he's a pretty decent guy who steps up when people need him most, except. except he's also a guy who really wants to kill his dad and that makes him manipulate people somewhat often and this is somehow not entirely at odds with his instinct to help others
#oshi no ko#like he's a doctor i can rly respect yknow#except for the patricide thing#gorou said do no harm unless it's my dad#also the way that gorou regularly visit patients is something SARINA has to tell the audience and not gorou#bc to gorou is nothing worth mentioning#for quite a while i was like man gorou is kind of sleazy for only visiting sarina esp when she's so young and vulnerable#but he visits the others also... sarina was just the most special patient to him because she introduced him to ai and also#because she was a kid whose parents never showed up#also SPOILERS FOR LIKE CH90+ OR SMTHING BELOW#the way aqua doesnt let akane dirty her hands like ok aqua we get it you want the best for everyone who isnt your dad#wipes tear someone get him therapy hes a decent guy who's ruining his life#also the way he is conscious of how he's playing w akane's feelings and tries very hard to be honest with her and to do her right#like sigh okay aqua i GUESS i cant hate you#and that one ghosting kana arc where i wanted to beat him up and then he was like i dont want to drag kana into this & he looked terrified#like SIGH. OKAY. FINE AQUA i cant hate you after all#like apart from the patricide (which is big know) the biggest downside to his personality is how cold he is#he pushes ppl away all the time and is just borderline rude#but like idk i feel like thats a byproduct of his 'i plan to go to jail for patricide and dont want to drag others down' mindset#which is like... well. you can't hate him for that.. he's looking out for others in his own way
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Was thinking about the spiderman kiss,, I drew one with Toshinori years ago and this is the reimagining of it and it kinda makes me think how far things have come since then! 💖💖 (original drawing/close up/etc. under the cut)
Last image drawn in 2016!! Its crazy seeing how I drew myself back then and how I lined and colored things 😭😭
#artfarts#self insert#self ship#self shipping community#my hero academia#mha#bnha#yagi toshinori#all might#self insert x canon#❤️ scars and stripes 💙#i ALMOST completely overhauled my self insert tbh. the only thing thats the same is the healing power#but from the way she looks to her personality and her role in the story + toshis life and their history together...idk its crazy#i went from this insecure kid (like seriously i didnt just LINK the og drawing from my other blog bcs it was so self deprecating 😅) to this#a more proactive character and tons of thought put into it and also im hot n sexy and milfy now 😚💖💖#when i got the idea to redraw this this way it was like 10 pm and i was like OPE and immediately rushed to sketch it#im pretty happy with it!! and i tried a little something new for her wings lemme know if yall like it
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Atla live action 😐
#thats my honest reaction 😐#to be fair ive only seen 20 minutes of the s1 finale bc my parents are watching it but. mmmmm kinda mid#like. the casting is definitely an improvement since the last time they tried a live action but it feels like the writing falls flat#or maybe im being harsh bc ive only heard negative criticism on it beforehand. but fr anytime u bring up the original its already#good and not just because its the original. so much fucking detail went into it to the point of someone noticing azula wielding mai's knive#to how well thought out irohs character is used as a way of uniting the cast especially as zukos foil#i heard that sokkas sexism was toned down and i have to agree that feels like a cheap move. like i get WHY they think it would be better#but its not about how that reflects on real world its about how it affects the story. sokka starts out as a misogynistic asshole because#it makes it that much more impactful when he changes. toning that down makes it flatter and makes his character development weak#and someone pointed out they didnt even make him wear the kyoshi warrior uniform and i know it feels like such a small detail but#come on man. they did that in the original because not only does it help him really walk in their shoes - wearing 'feminine' clothing and#makeup and having suki explain its significance but it also ties in with the shows theme of harmony and intersectionality#i was also disappointed when they had the fire sages explain how the water tribe draws power from the moon because in the original it was#IROH who explained it to aang and everyone else BECAUSE we as the audience is under the impression hes with the 'bad guys'#and it builds up to how he learned from the other nations which reconciles his past as a war general and his character overall#AND its an excellent starting point for the cast and audience to understand how the nations arent as closed off as you would think#plus you would think its only fire nation doing propaganda but they expanded on that with earth kingdom censorship and it WORKS#a lot of things in the live action also feel arbitrary like. they gave momo a near death experience for 5 minutes for no reason#im firmly on the stance of bringing back filler moments instead of putting major events right after each other so that u give your#audience a sense of time passing and to really absorb the story. but i think thats more like shock value than filler and yeah its a small#thing to gripe about but those things build up and its really annoying. the thing abt avatar filler moments is that however small#its at least meaningful. hell even the beach episode emphasizes how isolated zuko and his friends are as child soldiers#i also swore to never watch the first live action since it was that bad but i really liked the stylized tattoos they used for aang#anyway. those arejust my thoughts. im not gonna watch the rest because im a ride or die for the original aftr growing up and#rewatching it at least 20 times as a kid. but theres definitely room for improvement and i wish ppl wouldnt take it as 'better' just cuz#netflix is adapting it. i wouldve killed for them to just reanimate the entire avatar series and touch NOTHING ELSE no redub#no changes to the story. just reanimate the thing and leave the rest alone and youd make easy money just the same#ALSO its very jarring not hearing jack desena and dante basco voicing sokka and zuko cause their voices were the most recognizable to me#i get that its because its live action but im allowed to feel a little sad abt that. and uncle irohs accent was really soothing#yapping
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#csa warning for tags#ughhh ik i was just talking abt this but man. Man. constantly bullied as a child + raped as a child is a brutal combo huh#completely irreversibly fucked up sense of intimacy. i dont want to have sex with anyone i dont care what ppl think of me looks wise but i#also care more than anything and want people to want me so bad#like when ur only experience with anyone at all finding you desirable is being raped at 6ish. fucks u up man#was constantly told by everyone i knew that i was undesirable from day fucking one. i was always the one ppl would dare their friends to#'ask out' bc everyone thought i was that bad. i never had those rumours of 'some boy likes you' without people laughing in the background#all of my friends. even the ones that were also weird kids and bullied etc etc always have stories of other kids having crushes on them or#whatever. and i just never had that. it feels like i missed out on something important#i want to be pursued by a guy i hate i want them to not leave me alone. i want to feel like im in danger. and i know how fucking disgusting#that is but i cant help it. like i feel like thats the only way im going to feel normal and wanted like theres not something inherently#wrong with me. and i know how dangerous that is but its not like it matters anyways bc still no one likes me at all.#and i know how stupid of a thing it is to obsess over like what am i 9 years old? but i just cant get it out of my head#like idk i feel like the only way im going to actually feel desirable at all is if someone tries to rape me again. or if i feel like i have#to worry about someone raping me again. i know i wouldnt feel that way if someone was like. nice about it.#bc if someone genuinely liked me and was a decent human being about it i wouldnt be able to see it as anything other than faking it for pit#i wouldnt be able to believe it. even if i wasnt waiting for them to drop the joke and start laughing at me i would always think it was jus#an act bc they feel bad for me. the only way i could ever think it's genuine and that i'm desirable at all is if someone sexually#harassed me. like idk how to explain it but thats the only way i could feel desirable at all#bc it's the only way i've ever been desirable. when i was a kid.#and it terrifies me so bad bc i know how fucking disgusting that is and how self destructive it is#but i still feel like i dont even have to really worry about being assaulted. bc i still believe im completely undesirable at my core.#i dont believe i could be desired so i dont believe i have to worry about being raped. bc no one would want to anyways#rambles#vent
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My important reminder to all trans people this Pride Month: if you haven't yet, I promise you WILL find the hairstyle that gives you the most gender euphoria someday and it will be AMAZING
#when i first got my hair cut like this people told me i look like harry potter bc of my glasses and that gave me so much gender euphoria#and now that i dye it people tell me i look like dantdm or some other similar looking youtuber#which is also super gender euphoria inducing bc i loved watching dantdm when i was younger#also loved watching bijuu mike for a long time and he also has the short on sides long on top colorful hair#and now people are telling me i look like the men i found super cool as a kid!? omg!!#it is also quite possibly my most queer looking haircut ever#it's also the first short haircut i ever got#the first haircut i tried to express my gender with didn't work out and thats ok because i got it right on the next big hairstyle change#and its just#the best thing ever#hi trans people reading this. you WILL find the haircut that makes you happy i believe in you#anyways. this post was brought to you by how much i love my current haircut#trans#transgender#transmasc#transfem#nonbinary#enby#trans positivity#hair#also no terfs allowed on this post. sorry i mentioned harry potter i just happen to have had very transgender experiences having to do with#that character#i hope terfs are pissed off about me having postitive trans experiences having to do with that guy actually
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Having demand avoidance in a medical setting is literally hell. Like, patient autonomy is already absolute ass. It's only made worse when doctors CONSISTENTLY tell you what to do and act like you HAVE to do it instead of consulting with you first like normal fucking people.
#also “”“”medical necessity“”“” is NOT an excuse here.#ive been to plenty of doctors that thoroughly discuss a range/timeline of treatment and explain it IN DETAIL before saying “thats what i-#-recommend“ instead of just going ”okay were gonna do this. im gonna explain the prep to you a mile a minute and if you have any follow up-#-questions im just gonna repeat part of my spiel with no clarification. and if i cant answer your questions too bad :)“#not to mention how many doctors just force you to do things that WILL NEVER WORK#like one therapist tried forcing me to do emdr when i was only IN HER TOWN for the summer and i had no internet access when i was at college#im pretty sure emdr takes several weeks to work and i did not have that kind of time available to me. i couldnt just drop out bc of ptsd.#also the number of times ive had to decline an ESI is stupid. I've already had 2! they didn't work! i had a bad reaction to the meds!#why am i being forced to do it again?#also back surgery. i cant do that because i am a white trash rural kid and our home (which we built ourselves) CANNOT be accessible enough#for spinal surgery recovery. but i went to the surgeon and he was like “thats valid! and also surgery literally wouldnt help you so idk why-#-they sent you here.“ : l It's cool to be right all the time lol#its like. no wonder i developed medical demand avoidance after so much traumatizing and malpracticy bullshit in my life#demand avoidance#medical demand avoidance#chronic illness burnout#chronic illness#chronic pain#medical tw#ptsd#disability#medical neglect#medical trauma#vent#this might be too personal. if i do delete it ill have it rb'd on my boar-deer-whitetrashbutterfly blog first#idk i just havent really been able to find anyone else talking about this specific effect of being chronically ill/disabled.
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people often assume when we all go out together that I'm my half brothers mom (I'm 20 years older than him) & that his parents are his grandparents & it's so funny bc I know it bothers them. old ass idiots
#my dad was 49 & his wife was 45 when they had him#the story behind his birth is actually extremely fucked up like everything else about their relationship#so my dad left her like a million times to try to go back to my mom (who kept telling him no unless he sorted out his issues) then he#would always run right back to her & she always took him back. anyways i guess he said smth along the lines of#''my wife (he was still married to my mom) will always be the love of my life bc shes the mother of my kids''#and...she went off bc & on fertility treatments without telling him. then shes pregnant & he is still saying he wants to come back to us#so she said he will never see their kid & her son from a previous marraige THREATENED MY DAD AT GUNPOINT#and said if you ever leave my mom again ill fucking kill yoi#so then the divorce was finalized & they got married & my half brother was born. rest is history#for the record i dont feel sorry for my dad at all it was his fault too. the fucking hypocrite was having sex before marriage#and he knew she was nuts & far too attached to her#what a fucking idiot. all he had to do was get on meds & in therapy & admit he was wrong & he could have stayed with us#but he needed constant validation & to be in charge of everything & thats what his new wife gives him. she converted to his cult & now they#raise my brother in it. and she just does whatever my dad wants & lets him treat her like shit. i would actually feel sorry for her if sh#if she werent such a fucking awful person. and she tries to be all nicey nice w/us despite being a literal homewrecker.#and doing things like telling my dad he cant spend more than 50 dollars per year on each of us#while having him buy her a third car & a 1500 dollar fur coat. lol#theyre so much better off financially than us that its unreal. my mom doesnt get a penny despite how much we are struggling#but if i want a relationship with my half brother i just have to pretend none of this is weird or wrong.#anyways i just hope he never finds out the circumstances of his birth bc god can you fucking imagine
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Not to sound emotionally damagee, but my first ex did literally cheat on me 4 times to get back at me for trying to have a conversation with him in order to set up boundaries with our polyamory. N later left me for a guy he was seeing on the side (but the guy didn't want him lol)
#it has actually made my self esteem and trust tank so much#idk if i can handle another relationship#i tried to be so patient with him. to try to meet him where I was amd rather than talk to me#hed just text the guy he was cheating on me with n tell them.#n then that guy woul text me n tell me to kill myself for treating my bf that way#.... ways my bf refused to tell me#he'd literally lie to my face that it was okay#every time i checked on him#every time I tried to just trust n believe him hed be hiding something from me#n get mad that the things he never mentioned were problems kept happening#n of course if i mentioned this was bullshit n we need some level of trust n communication#hed run out on me. drive away. n cheat again#he was my first boyfriend#i dated him all through college bc I thought he was the one#n he dumped me 3 weeks after my dad died n the day after he met the person who raped me when i was a kid :-(#i just#I thought i could make it work#i just wish i knew what went wrong#he keeps saying he'll talk to me soon about it#but then he keeps blocking me or telling me how he now has a new boyfriend#want enough closure so i can trust myself again#or at least so i dont keep hating myself#but i guess thats just hopeless to want
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thinking about my childhood fandoms. will promptly be exploding.
#thinking about the book of life again. WAUGH the book of life my absolute beloved <333333333#that shit was the epitome of Story to me#and you know what it still is#it was everything#and ever after high too. i saw a post yesterday that reminded me how insane i was as a kid abt ever after high.#GHGGFSFSGSHDJS#i wanna watch maya and the three but im not sure#recently when ive tried to watch kids shows- even really good ones- ive found myself appreciating them#but not enjoying them as i know i would have when i was actually a child#bc now im more mature and now i like more complicated things so a lot of kids shows don't explore those things in detail or at all#so while i can appreciate that the show is good i can't really sink my teeth into it#i could when i was a kid cuz thats all i really had and was able to understand at that point#and i DID get really into them then. but idk. im scared i'll like it but won't love it.#:/#bluebird.txt#uf anyways. manolo save me diego luna save me#i wasn't even In those fandoms as a kid cuz no internet really but i was just as insane as things im in fandoms for now sooo
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i had a dream i had a beautiful loving friendship with gus fring to match the one where i was besties with mike. im so broken take me BACK!!!!!
#i could FIX him#alsooooo jesse was there i think he like. helped save gus at some point idk#i was like god damn best episode EVARRRR. heartbroken#i dont rlly remember the details i kinda slept like shit so im a bit scrambled#but ik we were fucking around w like.. game code? to make a pet shop?#so fucking random#we made a starfish and fucked up dog. there was a pool. a guy tried to kill gus. OH#he got shot and i had to stop him from bleeding out until the ambulance arrived#also he called. and cus they were super busy he was like ‘i can provide information aboyt felonies. also i have been shot in the chest’ LOL#wtf mike got shot in my dream abt him too. why thats so random#there was also a separate dream abt ummm. idk some sort of puzzle thing we had to do as a team…? saul was there. he set a fire as a scheme#but the fire ppl wouldnt come until he said there were ppl inside 😭#idk if i ever talked abt the mike dream here actually.#we were just friends…. besties… and he got SNIPED…….. and i tried to save him but he died#it was so sad the next day i was sad like all morning#feels similar now. miss u gus#^^^ EFFECTS OF ZERO FRIENDS#ummm anyway. more updates#i bought a meta quest like on impulse cus i saw they were cheaper now. the thing fucking sucks but vr is so awesome#ive been mostly playing beat saber cus my room is teeny tiny so i cant rlly safely turn#i started making my own map w a patricia taxxon song. SUPER fun i can see this becoming a new hobby#ive also been fucking around in vrchat a little. that shit is mindblowing#so immersive. its like unbelievable#ive only been playing that solo rn bc im shy and also testinb how well my laptop csn hsndle it LOL….#but its so awesome. i feel like a little kid#i had to get a better headstrap and face pad bc the stock pne is So bad. like i camt wear it for more thsn like 20 mins at a time#so maybe when that comes i will muster up the courage to go into public worlds#best world i have visted so far. udons bird sanctuary. i think irs called#U CAN FEED DUCKSSSSS. WAAAAGHHHH#one day i want to make my own avatar too. im feeling the inspiration
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#ugh. im feeling chatty today. probably bc i feel kinda weirdly anxious. like when u can Imagine bad things happening in detail#and like it feels like ur wait for it even tho its in ur imagination? whatever. anyway. ive been watching a lotta#stuff on like professional artists and idk maybe im just in too deep on science academia but i dont. i dunno the culture#seems so weird to me? like what does one do in art school? i guess i took a lot of art in high school but my teacher was kinda trash#all we did was paint realisticly using a grid and i hated that. but i image ur supposed to exercise different styles and medias? how tf#does that get graded? i dunno. i haven't taken any uni level art classes. i should tho. id probably like it#its weird tho. anything that tries to give structure to art stuff seems so weird to me. like u go to school for science stuff to build up#ur background knowledge and i guess u can do that with art but it feels different. i guess bc ur training muscle memory. i dunno#i like to imagine an au where i go to art school but i legitimately cannot fathom doing that. cannot fathom a life outside of my toxic#relationship with academia. i dont even kno what i would want to specialize if i went down that path. maybe illustration#bc it makes me happy when ppl say my style looks like something out of a kids book. i dunno#i guess classes would help with things like forcibly learning shadows and anatomy and composition#maybe i just need to make art friends. like what is ur life like? im too much in a science bubble#i guess going to art school also just devotes all ur time to art. not just tiny pockets of time between all the things u have to get done#god. i can only imagine the panic of procrastinating an art project and physically not having enough time to finish it#thats how i felt with my masters thesis. there was just physically not enough time for me to fix my code in all the ways i needed and rew#rewrite things. but i finished it somehow#ugh. god. i have things i need to finish coloring. i will finish them today. i will#i hate coloring. but colors r so pretty ;_;#unrelated
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miral daughter of l'naan
#diary#the hope in her voice when she says but you don't believe in stovokor? the 'oh' when she realizes b'elanna hasnt come to#do the right thing but try to trick her way into heaven. 'i should have known you'd choose the easy way' girl you are soooooo.#<- personally i think we should have gotten one billion flashbacks of her interactions with john + b'elanna as a child and also when#b'elanna decided to leave for starfleet. im on my knees begging.#desperately trying to read into the little dialogue we're given to try and get a sense of miral's personality bc b'elanna's ideas of her are#so so clouded by their relationship. so are john's.#somebody write the book im not kidding#i love that despite all the stuff b'elanna tries to pull in barge of the dead miral never gives up hope - its been ten years and still she#thinks that maybe b'elanna's learned something from all she tried to teach her#but not surprised thats not the case.#<- thats so b'elanna behavior by the way. clinging to the hope in your heart but expecting disappointment.#not irrational though they've both had their fair share of let downs GSGSG john leaving. being the mutual one.#although for miral it seems like she doesn't mind so much what b'elanna does so long as she does it with the right - intention or mentality#honorably. yknow
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random oc facts, of the "they have problems" flavor
#oc talk#1- luca developed claustrophobia from the time he was locked in the school's bathroom by her bullies#2- chase got his depression from his mom; who also has it; except she goes to therapy and has meds so its now somewhat controlled#he was quite the spoiled kid by both his parents but his mom was the one who would always agree with him and give him everything#even if he was in the wrong and the worst piece of shit he could be. she felt guilty about him getting clinical depression for 'her fault'#so she wanted to 'compensate him' for 'ruining his life'. he was still pretty harsh with both of them so.#one day he told her to kill herself and go to hell over a minor thing; that same night he went to see finnley#so he never knew his mom actually tried to kill herself if thats what he wanted. his dad was kinda bitter for a few days#but eventually forgave him. and as i said none of them told him anything so he never knew.#3- maverick still gets nervous when he sees cops or hears police sirens - hes always on the edge#whether theyre going to actually arrest him some day. he doesnt know if zachary's body was ever found as he avoided tv for that reason#like he hid it in an abandoned house. it was a horrible hiding place but it was the closest he had and he was panicking with a dead body#so its not like he could do the smartest things in that state. also of course he left his dna everywhere- finding him would be really easy#but it never happened since zachary came back before anyone noticed his disappearance. and with a new appearance#its was like the old zachary people knew just stopped existing entirely. you cant do a murder case without a body#so it was just labeled as a sudden disappearance. however mav is paranoid over it when in his non-empty state#and when hes empty hes so focused in finding someone new to obsess over he stops caring- maybe he could even find someone on prison!#4- rafael doesnt talks to his family due to charlotte manipulating him into believing theyre all horrible people who hate her#and in fact they hate her! mostly his sister. they hate what she did to their son/brother but hes so blind and easy to manipulate#they stopped trying to knock some common sense into him. his sister was afraid this would happen eventually bc he was always gullible#SPECIALLY when hes in love. and well guess what happened!!#5- on the topic of charlotte; she has both tried to kill herself AND kill someone. well; her 'suicide attempt' was more likely#wanted to get hospitalized but not *actually* ending her life. in her mind that would make her parents notice how much they hurt her#with their 'favoritism' towards raven. girl they literally never had a favoritism YOU are the one who think so!!!#she never got what she wanted though-- she ended up vomiting the pills and suddenly got too embarrassed to talk about it#and guess who she wanted to kill? exactly; raven! they would sometimes see each other on family reunions and it was weird#she bought anti-freezer and brought it to a reunion-- she has been on a barista course so technically no one would think anything#if she made drinks for everyone. but raven was just so insistent on seeing the process-- due to actual curiosity-- that she couldnt do it#so she came home with an anti-freezer and incredible frustrated lmao. she was 17 though so its not like it was thoroughly planned#but you know. the intention was there.
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i just tried cream soda for the first time whyd that shit taste like liquid rice krispies treats
#it wasnt BAD but thats not what i expected#i never tried it b4 bc when i was a kid i thought root beer and cream soda were the same thing#so i expected it to taste like root beer and i haaaaate root beer#it didnt though it was fine. just really sweet#bectxt#op#txt
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yknow i've mentioned before that chelly is very capable of being violent and explosive. however the most ever angry i've ever drawn her is mildly upset. plus there was the memey-ish thing with chelly literally begging chip to let her bite maim kill people for him.
i kinda wanna draw chelly completely snapping. chelly getting a little too silly.
#cell screams#cw vent#//<- just incase lol#//fun fact that horse toon ive mentioned a few times? sam bucus? yeah he's based on my actual childhood bully#//this might start looking like a vent from here-on and will get violent so little warning if you keep reading these tags#//but yeah since my actual bully ruined my childhood and social development and never apologized i feel a lot of hatred as u can see.#//and since actually getting revenge on the real guy is both illegal and a total waste of my time im just going to take out said rage#//on the toon version of said guy. is that deranged? maybe. at least im self aware about it idk lol#//i am very close to just drawing chelly killing bucus or something idfk.#//but i am not wasting time trying to hunt down some asshole brat who definitely played a big part in me being so fucked up today#//bc like. he had a chance to apologize senior year. then when a friend told him to apologize he fuckin vanishes into thin air never to be#//seen again until graduation night. so in my opinion i think he didnt regret anything and wasnt sorry.#//which sucks bc in my traumatized rage i definitely said some fucked up shit to him too as a kid and would've apologized as well.#//but there was a chance for closure. i tried to find him too to try and get that closure but no. there never will be closure. its over now#//so instead im going to unleash a teeny tiny portion of my bottled up decades long rage and hatred#//on an anthropomorphic purple horse. :)#//besides sam bucus did more fucked up things to chelly than my irl bully since bucus is a culmination of EVERYTHING thats#//fucked me up in life whether it be mental machinations; intrusive thoughts or things that actually happened#//so while perhaps my real bully doesnt deserve death; SAM BUCUS SURE DOES AND HE'S GONNA GET IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#// :)#//sorry for my violent rambling i got it out of my system now thanks for reading my weird bullshit lmao
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