#bc the whole point is to look at someone and judge them on their appearance before anything else and it kinda blows

[gregmarriage]

every time i wanna redownload her (the dating app) again, i think abt possibly finding my ex and accidentally swiping right (whichever one is the good one) on her profile and i immediately lose the urge

[qierxing]

Oh, Woe is Me...

A/N: Once again splitting up the story bc of how things go...It is certainly Going Down. I swear I don't have a bias for Pomefiore, I just had to fit so much significant plot points in here

Yan! Twst Isekai AU CW/TW: Spoilers for Chapter 5, suicidal thoughts and ideation + attempt, poisoning, reader is Not Having a Good Time

Pt.1 Peservere, My Player! | Pt.2 Be Still, My Heart! | Pt.3 | Pt. 4 Farewell to Thee?

—

When you finally are somewhat well enough to return to classes, there’s a shift in the air. You don’t even need to hear the murmurs to know that the cultural fair has started, and subsequently, the VDC auditions. 

Ace and Grim are already raring to go, but you and Deuce hang back, hesitant, but for different reasons. It was probably because of what happened over winter break, but you’re now reconsidering whether you should continue following the story. But if you don’t, will the game have a bad ending? 

Will you not be able to return home?

Epel. Pretty and soft-spoken Epel. You can only extend your pity in silence as the Heartslabyul duo introduce him to you. There’s something off though, because you swear this is your first meeting with the mysterious first year, but he gazes at you as if he’s known you for years.

It’s a great contrast with Vil, whose careless survey turns sharp once they land on you. You can only step back as Grim, Ace and Deuce start the fight you know they will lose. He scoffs and leaves his scathing words for the rest of you, but what you’re not prepared for is the very last venomous stab he has for you.

“To even be hanging out with such a dirty, magicless nobody…Epel, you should know better.”

The insult burns into your skin and it takes everything within you to not tear up. Although you came from another world, no one really said anything bad about you for being magicless—after all, there were plenty of people in Twisted Wonderland who also were just like you. But to be singled out and judged for just that…it stings, especially coming from someone like Vil. For once you feel very self conscious about your existence within Twisted Wonderland.

Ace and Deuce are enraged to the max; both at Vil’s words toward them, but most of all, how dare he speak to you like that? A stare burns into the back of your head(right, in this scene you were not alone). Your pained grimace only spurs them on to practice more rigorously for the contest. 

You expected the prickle of unease when Rook makes his appearance behind Leona. Afterall in the game, it’s implied that his senses were beyond a normal human's. What you don't expect is that his eyes are trained on you, and you alone, throughout his whole exchange with the others. No amount of hiding behind Leona stops his piercing gaze. If anything, you would even say his face turned more amused.

Soon enough, the audition day arrives and you only can trail in reluctantly after the excited trio in front of you. Did you really need to be present? Grim was the one doing all the dancing and you don't think you could stomach meeting Vil's judgmental gaze picking you apart again. But it's too late to ditch once the ballroom doors slam open, and the Pomefiore trio struts in with all their sparkling glory.

The audition goes as expected. They dance, Vil sends them out. You don’t even blink when the arrow that carries the acceptance message barely misses the tip of your nose. And then, of course, the pivotal scene of Crowley asking you to give up Ramshackle to be the training grounds for VDC.

The player had no options. In the grand machination of things, Yuu's choices had no sway in the plot, just as how the developers wanted it. You’ve thought about keeping your head down. Don’t deviate, just let the story roll past you. 

But you can change that.

No more. For once, you’re going to make a choice for yourself in this godforsaken game. So when you state with a hard grimace that you did not want them at your dorm, there’s only a round of surprised looks and exclamations. Grim side eyes you silently in concern. Vil only raises a skeptical eyebrow. You stand firm. Even if Crowley was offering to improve the Ramshackle dorm, you know what awaits if you agree.

You pray to the Seven that’s the end of it. Then your phone rings and when you pick up, you get a near heart attack when it’s Neige on the other line, asking if he could come over for a visit. By the time you stutter something out, it’s too late, as the bright prince chirps out a ‘thanks! see you soon!’ followed by the beep of the tone. 

You can only let out a sigh as you stare at your blank phone screen. Thank goodness the training camp wasn’t at Ramshackle. You can only imagine what Vil’s face would look like if he saw his rival on campus. All this over Neige Leblanche. 

But it’s not really him, you think, as you scroll aimlessly through Magicam. It’s about what he threatens for Vil. Is he coming over because you made a choice that changed the course of the story?

Grim scolds you for being so nice for no reason when you end up plodding to let in Neige. He only beams at you cheerily, presses a soft kiss to your knuckles, and floats past your speechless form. You follow after in a daze, going through the motions as you offer him tea and whatever measly snacks you can graze up from your dusty pantry.

It’s embarrassing to sit at your coffee table that still wobbles with its broken leg with someone who is practically the next hot celebrity to Vil. Neige doesn’t seem to mind, only happily asking how you’re doing and what you’ve been up to as he nibbles on half stale crackers and cookies. 

“Neige, aren’t you busy? I heard that you’re going to be participating in VDC…” His eyes twinkle at your cautious question you put forward. 

“Mmm, yes, but I wanted to see you before I really get busy rehearsing!” His smile is genuine and makes your heart flutter.

The knock on your door turns both of your heads and when you excuse yourself to get it, a foreboding feeling washes over you as you reach for the doorknob.

“Ah, good, you’re here.”

Cold sweat runs down your back and neck as you’re face to face with Vil’s indifferent face. The absolute worst timing ever. As you try to stealthily close the door behind you, he starts to lean in with furrowed eyebrows.

“Why do you look nervous, spudling?” 

You’re so terrified that you’re utterly mute and trembling. You’ve remembered when Vil gets angry in the game. You do not want to be the target of his poisonous wrath.

“[First], what’s the matter?” Vil’s eyes immediately narrow at the light voice behind you.

Neige peers over your shoulder curiously, and you think of how this game must loath you at this moment. 

"Oh! Vi!" Neige's eyes brighten at seeing his former classmate. On the other hand, a shadow falls over Vil's face.

“So, this is why you refused to have Ramshackle be the training camp so adamantly.” Vil’s frosty voice sends even more tremors down your spine. Before you can open your mouth to retort, he grabs your wrist harshly, tugging you along with no mercy, disregarding Neige's calls to you both.

“Clearly, if you have time to fraternize with the enemy,” Vil’s nose scrunches in distaste as he drags your uncooperative body with your crying protests, “you can scrounge up some time to help us out.”

This must be what they call hell. In the end, it didn’t even matter that you refused to be involved in the VDC preparations. The others are surprised as Vil drags you crying into Pomefiore's ballroom, throwing you onto the floor, before ordering you to 'stop that humiliating display and start the music'. And yet, despite the fact you're clearly here against your will, the rest of them don't do anything, content and even more motivated that you're there to watch them.

Vil's target that originally was on Epel swivels onto you. Your phone confiscated, you and Grim are forced to stay at Pomefiore's dorms with the others, under Vil's (and Rook's, albeit he was more discreet about it) sharp eyes. Even though you're not even a performer, he nitpicks your outfit, your posture, your diet, all with a condescending look upon his face that leaves you feeling like dirt at the end of the day. And Epel, sweet and nice Epel, the one you hoped would use his fiery determination to help you out of the situation…doesn't. You thought that Epel would surely share some sympathy, or Ace and Deuce, maybe even Kalim…but no, they merely chide you for causing trouble and saying that they need you, their manager, to help cheer them on. Weren't they your friends?

Is the game forcing you back on its original path? When you and Grim try to escape the dorms, Rook just somehow manages to catch you both and drag you back to a displeased Vil, who then makes you sleep paralyzed next to him while forcing Grim out to sleep on the cold floor. You're not even free during the day, as you're forcefully escorted straight to Vil by Rook, who somehow manages to appear at the end of your classes. 

It’s finally one painful night left alone with Grim in a guest room that a thought creeps into your mind.

Escape doesn't have to be achieved fulfilling a game's story. Doesn't a game also end when the player loses?

It's a terrible thought, you know. Even you are terrified of it. You've already experienced what it's like to be on the brink of death. Smashed by thorns. Crumbled into sand. Drowned under the sea. Choked out of air. What you're planning honestly might be the most merciful way to go.

You're just…so tired. This world that started out fun and exciting has slowly descended to madness. With each chapter, each overblot, you can feel your tether home disintegrating, bit by bit. Memories of home dissipating like ink in water, gone even as you try so hard to catch the trails they leave. And now, more than ever, you're fearful of the time when you will forget why you were fighting so hard to leave Twisted Wonderland. Of who you are.

It's been so long that you felt the night breeze. It's only a matter of time, though, before Rook catches you and places you back within Vil's gilded cage.

"You're inviting me?" You nod as Hornton thoughtfully reads the embossed VDC ticket. He smiles at you, and guilt runs through you, as you know you're using him as a means to end.

Please be there to help them. You pray as he leaves with a spontaneous burst of emerald lights and smoke. Although Vil was your torturer, even you have qualms about leaving him to die in his overblot.

The day of the VDC has you sick and exhausted with no sleep. Thankfully the others don't notice, except for a certain hunter, who only coos at you quietly and slips you a coffee and a pat on the head. But that all changes as Neige makes his appearance with other RSA students and leaps towards you with shining eyes, bypassing Vil completely and hugging you. The warmth in his hug is genuine, but so is the darkness that falls over Vil's eyes on the two of you. Vil's lips curl even more into a distasteful scowl when Neige gives you a parting peck on the cheek. Your coffee slips out of your hands and splashes all over your shoes, but that doesn't matter because Neige Leblanche kissed you, oh my Seven–

"Look at you, you filthy spudling. What are you just standing there gawking for? Close your mouth, you look unsightly." The bitter scolding snaps you back to the present as you register Vil moving you forcefully backstage. Although you're sure he was just trying to save his own reputation and get you out of the way, he doesn't leave. In fact, he takes your shoes and orders Epel to get some new ones. This time, Epel has no problem obeying his housewarden. 

The two of them strangely fret over you, before Vil orders you to stay backstage to not embarrass yourself further, as he put it. Suits you just fine. You know exactly what happens next.

It doesn't make it any less horrific to think about as you watch Vil smirk down at Neige.

Just as Vil tempts the idol with the apple juice, you usurp Rook's role of the interloper.

"Vil, you're needed backstage." His face flickers ever so slightly but your face doesn't change. The drink is already in Neige's hands. You wait as he clicks his tongue and leaves to assure his reputation. 

It doesn't take much to get the drink into your hands. Neige is too kind. He hands over the drink as soon as you mention you're a little thirsty yourself. The juice inside looks normal, but you know full well what Vil's capability is. You look up into Neige's eyes and sigh.

"Thank you." Pathetic last words. Maybe you should've said something else. But it doesn't matter anymore. Nothing does, really.

That's not true. There's Grim, who's been by your side through thick and thin. And Hornton, your strange friend–what would he say when he saw your collapsed body?

You throw your head back and chug.

It hurts. Seven above, it hurts so much! Your guts feel like it's melting and freezing all at once. The blood in your veins slows to lead and your heart is stabbed with multiple painful needle pinpricks. Your throat swells, and blood dribbles slowly out of your lips. The bottle slips out of your hands and shatters glass fragments everywhere. Neige's panicked and frantic scream echoes and you swear the ground underneath you rumbles. 

How lovely, you think, as you stare into Neige's tearful eyes, that such a poison exists…

You close your eyes to Twisted Wonderland to what you hoped to be the last time.

[Game Over]

◇ Continue?

◇ Exit

[sp1rit-realm]

༻¨*:· 𝐀 𝐏𝐄𝐀𝐑𝐋 ·:*¨༺

♪ It's just that I fell in love with a war ♪ ♪ Nobody told me it ended ♪

༻¨*:· summary ·:*¨༺ You break a bowl, Remus tries to comfort you. An argument ensues.

༻¨*:· notes ·:*¨༺ 𖦹 reader's previous relationship was abusive 𖦹 a bloody hand (but nothing graphic) 𖦹 gn!reader (they/them pronouns) 𖦹 a sprinkle of angst 𖦹 hurt/comfort 𖦹 remus lupin calling you his darling and his love 🜷⌣🜷 𖦹 remus lupin being the best partner ever 𖦹 he's so boyfriend 𖦹 inspired by the song 'A Pearl' by Mitski  𖦹 fluffy ending bc i'm a huge crybaby 𖦹 i did not proofread this bc i'm lazy ⎝(ˊᗜˋ)⎠

༻¨*:· word count ·:*¨༺ 𖦹 2.1k 

"Sometimes, I wish I was a star," Your voice was quiet as you peered into the black sky, stars scattered across it. They looked like pearls. Precious.

He looked at you in admiration, "Why?"

"Because they're up there," You sighed, "And they take time to paint each star. To them, each one is just as important as the one before, and they ensure they are all beautiful."

"Who's up there?" There was genuine interest in his tone, and it warmed your heart.

"The person I used to be." You felt silly saying it, and you were scared he was going to judge you.

There was a beat of silence.

Instead of judgement, he reached for your hand and interlocked your pinkies, whispering: "You're precious. Like a pearl."

Your face grew warm.

Remus anxiously waited for you—he was gnawing at his fingernails. He scolded himself; you hated when he chewed on his fingernails.

1:39

"They're only nine minutes late, Remus. It's okay. They're okay. We're okay," He muttered.

Remus had an underlying fear that you would leave him. It wasn't because of the whole werewolf thing—okay, maybe it was the werewolf thing, but only a little bit; and he was working on that.

It was because of something you were going through. Remus didn't understand what you were going through; he couldn't understand. That was one of the many intricate parts of your relationship.

You didn't want him to understand because he could only understand if he went through the same thing. You certainly did not want him to go through that.

That is what brought you here, on the floor, curled into yourself, sobbing.

"He doesn't deserve this. He doesn't deserve me," You wailed, looking at your hands

Remus stood up, it had been half an hour, and he knew you weren't showing up.

He felt tired.

Not of you, never of you, but of this feeling. This emotion that appeared to be swallowing you whole and seemingly had its eyes set on your relationship as its next victim.

You heard the key in the door, and a wave of panic hit you. Then, as it washed over you—submerging you and taking your breath—the panic turned into guilt.

You were supposed to meet Remus at the park, and you were ... crying?

He toed his shoes off and walked to the kitchen, where he heard you weeping.

Upon seeing you, his heart felt like the shattered pieces of porcelain at your side. You were sobbing because you broke a bowl. Then, you started apologizing. It was frantic and compulsive, just a simple "I'm sorry" repeatedly falling from your chapped lips.

He wondered how anyone could see you like this and get mad at you.

"Darling?" He knew his voice had to be quiet. You were fragile right now—he assumed your breaking of the bowl triggered you. At this point in the relationship, identifying the trigger was somewhat easy. Identifying the feelings the trigger brought up was the challenging part. It didn't help that sometimes you couldn't articulate your feelings.

One of those times seemed to be now. Remus loathed that all you could say was, "I'm sorry."

Then, he noticed the dry blood on your hand and wanted to joke about how 

'You've only broken a bowl. You didn't kill someone, even though you've got literal blood on your hands.'

He didn't. Maybe he'll tell you later.

He knelt beside you.

Remus didn't think anything of it. He just wanted to wipe your cheek and relieve it from the layer of tears.

To him, it was harmless. To you, it was frightening.

You shrunk into yourself as he brought his hand up, and you scrunched your face, bracing for a slap, or a hit, or something physically violent.

Remus brought his hand down, and his lips pressed together.

"I'm not gonna hurt you," He whispered, "I'll never hurt you. You're safe her, Darling. You're safe."

Your next inhale was sharp, and your face relaxed with the shaky exhale that followed. You opened your eyes to look at Remus, who spoke gently, "Why don't I clean up your hand, okay?"

At your nod, he spoke again. "Can I touch you?"

You shake your head, "It's not because of you. It's— It's—"

At your wavering voice, he stepped in, "I know, Darling. I know"

He didn't understand why you felt you had to explain why you said no, just that you were wired to do so. It hurt him—deeply.

You stood slowly, knowing you would get dizzy if you stood too fast. And if you got dizzy, there was a possibility that you would fall, and if you did, Remus would either try to catch you, or you would injure yourself. If Remus caught you, he would be touching you, making you even more miserable. If you got hurt he—being the angel he is—would take the blame and never forgive himself. Both would make him feel worse. You already missed lunch together because you dropped this stupid bowl and—

"My Lovely?" Remus repeated for the fourth time; this time, it snapped you out of your frantic thoughts.

You looked at him, "Hm?"

"To clean your hand, I'm going to have to touch it. Is that okay?" His talking was slow and calm, and it oddly made you mad.

"I said I didn't want you to touch me!" You felt your heart beat faster, and adrenaline rushed over you.

Remus was so incredibly tired, and he didn't feel like fighting. He hated fighting with you—it was gut-wrenching.

"I know, but I don't want your hand to get infected because it's not clean."

"Stop speaking to me like I'm a child, Remus."

You knew what you were doing, and it was wrong, but it felt so right to pick a fight. You hated yourself for it.

Remus sighed.

You swore you could feel the blood pumping through your veins and drew your brows together, "Don't sigh at me."

Remus knew better than to indulge in your argument, but he couldn't help himself.

"All I am trying to do is help you."

Your brain was foggy, "Well, you're not helping. If anything, you're making it WORSE!"

You have said a lot of things in past arguments. Never anything like this.

"Wait, no—" You quickly went to correct yourself.

"I'm making it worse?" He repeated your bitter words. "Really? Because if I'm making it worse, I can leave. I can leave you here and never try to help you again if I make everything so much worse."

"That's not what I said!" You argued back, "I never said you make everything worse. Stop twisting my words!"

"I'm not twisting your words, Y/n. This—" He waved his arms around the broken porcelain, then around you, "this is everything."

Too far.

"I am a person, Remus. I am not just my trauma." Your voice was quiet.

"Aren't you!?"

You looked at your bloody hand, "I'm sorry, Remus. I—" Your voice cracked, and you went silent.

Hit turn to feel guilty.

"Can I clean your cut?" He muttered.

You gave him your hand.

"Can I touch you?"

You somberly nodded your head.

His touch was soft, and you started to sweat. You hated this feeling. You hated fearing that his fingers would turn harsh after they softly cleaned your hand.

And you felt bad for being scared, because you knew Remus would never hurt you. Still, something in you was constantly on edge, a primal instinct to protect yourself before you got hurt.

He once said you reminded him of a pearl. He would give you pearl necklaces and earrings and bracelets. A precious pearl, that's what he would call you.

The jewelry stayed in your jewelry box, untouched since you left him. You weren't sure why you kept them—maybe to remind yourself that it was real. It could be because the pearls symbolized what you thought his love was.

It wasn't love, though, it was manipulation, and it was toxic.

And, as much as you didn't want to believe it, it was abuse.

Perhaps you kept the pearls because they were part of that toxicity.

Remus finished cleaning your hand somewhat ten minutes ago; you hadn't realized, too deep in thought.

Too busy thinking about the pearls again.

He stained part of you, a part of yourself that you now call The Pearl.

It started small, and you were able to control it at first.

Now, it seemed unmanageable.

The Pearl taunted you. It told you to be explosive because it knew Remus wouldn't be. Explosions cause chaos, and chaos is safe. That's what it told you.

But then, when the chaos was over and done with, it told you that you were toxic and abusive—it said you were a monster and that you were just like him.

You would indulge in The Pearl—you did everything it told you to do. You believed everything it told you to believe.

Maybe you were toxic.

"Y/n?" Remus repeated. His voice was quaint and delicate. You could tell he didn't want to startle you.

"Do you want to go sit on the couch? Maybe we can talk over there?"

You nodded, trudged your way to the couch, and plopped down. A heavy sigh escaped your lips.

You, too, were tired of this feeling.

Once he sat down, you quickly spoke, "I'm sorry, Remus."

"I'm not going to tell you it's okay 'cos it wasn't, but I'm also sorry. I said some very hurtful things, and I know better than to let it get out of hand—"

You wanted to scream, not at Remus, at yourself. You interrupted him, "Remus, t's not your fault. I let it get to me."

"My Darling, I'm still having trouble understand what 'it' is. I know you've tried before, but can you try and explain again? Because I can't keep doing this. My Lovely, I can't keep arguing with you. It hurts too much."

Perhaps it wasn't the best wording, but you knew what he meant.

"I'm sor—"

He cut you off, "Don't apologize."

You nodded.

"It's like there's this—" You took a deep breath. You had to tell him, no matter how scary it was.

"He used to call me his precious pearl," You started, looking down into your laps where your hands rested, "And I was his. He trapped me for years, and I became his."

Remus didn't like hearing that, but he put his anger aside.

"He changed me, Remus." You looked into his soft, lovely amber eyes. He wasn't judging you.

"Do you know how pearls form?"

He looked at you with confusion and shook his head.

"When an oyster comes in contact with a foreign substance, it traps and covers it with the same stuff that makes its shell. As time goes on, this material—the one that makes the shell—builds and creates a pearl."

Remus slowly nods, "Okay."

"Well, when this process occurs naturally, it doesn't hurt the oyster." You look back down into your lap, "But there are pearl farms where harvesters will cut the oyster and insert irritants." You looked back at him, "Pearls are formed to defend the oyster. When this process happens artificially, it usually hurts the oyster because the harvesters do it with little care."

Remus nodded again, "You know I'm very interested in the things you enjoy talking about, but I'm not sure if this is the right time to be talking about pearls."

"Just wait. It has to do with this, okay?"

When he nodded, you kept speaking. "So, I'm like an oyster, and he was like a pearl farmer. There's this part of me that I call 'The Pearl,' it helps protect me, but not in the right way. Before he could take the pearl, I left, and now I'm trying to remove it, but it's hard and it hurts. It hurts so much." You hoped you were making sense. "Now, I'm with you, and I love it. I love this relationship so much, Remus. I do. And I love you, you're so gentile and you don't even want to make a pearl from me, but I've got one, and it hurts, and I don't know how long it'll take to remove it—I don't know if I can remove it."

Remus was starting to understand. "So, The Pearl, it makes you—" He was very careful with his words, "It created chaos?"

"Mhm"

"As a ... defense mechanism?"

You nodded, "It's because I'm not used to being in such a calm relationship. It feels unnerving, so The Pearl is telling me to create the explosions 'cos that's how it's "s'posed" to be, and then you'll leave, and—" Your inhale was shaky, "And then I turn into a harvester and The Pearl is happy with that because I don't get hurt."

He was quick to respond, "You will never become a harvester, and I won't leave." He shook his head to himself, "I won't ever leave you."

You looked at him with adoration, "Even though I've got a pearl?"

"Even though you've a pearl," He confirmed. "We can work on extracting it together, okay? How's that sound?"

Your heart felt so warm and so full, "That sounds nice."

He curtly nodded and stood up, "You want a cwtch?"

"The bowl," You whispered.

He smiled softly, "I cleaned it up—while you were thinking earlier."

Remus told you his stupid joke as he held you. You felt safe as you laughed, saying: "I do have lots of skeletons in my closet, though. That okay?"

He smiled, "I love spooky shit."

It made you laugh harder.

Maybe you could finally wave your white flag of surrender.

No more war, no more pearls.

Thank you for reading, my lovelies

ଘ(੭ ˊᵕˋ)੭*༺ ♡‧₊˚

@forourmoons @sw34terw34ther @cremexcoffee @nelabelievesindragons @evergreenlover

[too-much-yike]

why analogical is canon

hello this is a list i made of why logan and virgil are boyfriends. btw they aren’t in any sort of order so.. sorry if i keep going back to certain episodes lol. also first post let’s go

feel free to add in the comments i suppose

* virgil doesn’t get too upset when roman insults him, but when logan calls him a defeatist, he is upset in the next ep too

* in the puppet video, virgil says “but when you lo- CARE for someone, not much hurts more than their scorn” tldr; virgil loves logan and that’s why he got upset at him calling virgil a defeatist

* literally the whole episode of my negative thinking is logan trying to comfort virgil without making it seem like he’s pitying him and he makes that clear at the end

* logan immediately notices when virgil is upset in the first part of moving on despite not usually knowing when things are upsetting the other sides, BUT WHEN IT COMES TO VIRGIL-

* during the intrusive thoughts episode, virgil says “i sound the alarm whenever princey say we talk to a cute guy” LOGAN LITERALLY SMILES AT HIM

* when logan almost says virgil was being paranoid, it looks like virgil internalized that immediately and logan realizes what he did and tries to be nicer afterwards in the ep.

* there’s a reason why they stand so close to eachother. they’re holding hands through the staircase railing 🤨

* both of them constantly making sure eachother are comfortable with doing things that the others want to do. like when virgil is about to share his name, logan goes “oh that���s okay. no pressure. if you don’t want to” and when the other sides tell logan to become a puppet, virgil says “only if you want to”

* virgil is extremely relieved after pt. 2 of moving on when logan comes back and logan assures him by saying that he won’t ever really leave

* end of pt. 1 of moving on, logan realizes he’s wrong about going to pattons room only because virgil gets upset. before and after this episode, he hates to admit he’s wrong EXCEPT when virgil feels upset

* when roman shushes logan in the originality ep, he looks over at virgil to “communicate” with someone who agrees with him and vigil gives him an understanding eyeroll

* in the cartoon episode when virgil appears, he doesn’t get to finish what he’s saying because roman and thomas interrupt him, so logan asks “what we’re you saying” so virgil can make his point

* at the end of the cartoon vid, logan gives reasons as to why living in the real world can be just as fascinating as living in a cartoon to comfort virgil and his worries of never living as happy of a life as a cartoon character would

* at the end of fitting in, virgil’s outfit change is the only one he “compliments” by saying “that design” to him and none of the others

* in the valentine’s day episode, logan is about to talk about blood diamonds after virgil says that the diamond industry is unethical, likely about to go off on a tangent that both him and virgil are interested in (not rlly proof they’re canon but i’d like to believe this is how they started being yk.. a thing)

* logan takes what virgil says literally all the time bc he believes that virgil is the only one that can be taken seriously out of the rest of the sides

* sorry but logan totally wanted to do the rap in the originality video to impress virgil, and he did

* logan remarks in pt 2 of accepting anxiety, that “it’s better for a society to be anxious than complacent” and “it’s the vigilant people who work the hardest to save the world” to let virgil know that he’s needed

* when logan has to explain his insult to the rest of the sides, instead of laughing at him or judging him, virgil instead explains that jokes or insults aren’t very meaningful when they have to be explained

* in the my negative thinking vid, virgil is trying so hard to piss logan off to distance himself from logan after growing closer with him before logan called him a defeatist. despite this, logan assures virgil that he doesn’t hate him

* logan calling virgil “undeniably adorable” after transforming and saying that virgil being like a kitten is a “pleasant comparison” and virgil getting embarrassed after logan says them

* in accepting anxiety pt 1, logan says that “he contributes more than what you credit him. plus he too can represent more than just anxiety even though that is a significant part of who he is”

* in accepting anxiety pt 2, logan gets angry with roman when he insults anxiety, saying “one would think that the creative side would be able to come up with a nicer way to talk to others” immediately defending virgil after losing him

* comforting virgil in accepting anxiety pt 2 by saying “too much of anything can be counterproductive,” making sure that virgil knows that he isn’t the only one that can make that mistake

* in the fitting in ep, logan says “if this is necessary to help virgil feel better about himself, then i support it” need i say more?

* later in fitting in, virgil says “well, sorry to ruin that for you” and logan responds with “you didn’t ruin anything” in the softest fucking voice

* also in fitting in, logan says, “hufflepuffs are known to be honest and you certainly keep things 100” which is probably why he takes everything virgil says literally

* “if anyone else here was going to be a ravenclaw, i would think it would be you” it’s hard for logan to admit that he’s wrong or isn’t just so much smarter than the others, but saying virgil would be on about the same level of intelligence as him just to make virgil fit in with them is just..

* later, when virgil says that he is a “problem identifier, not a problem solver” logan looks so disappointed seeing virgil not want to be/ doesn’t feel like he should be in the same house as him. logan definitely wanted to share a dorm w him in his imaginary hp au

* “wonderful. i hope that you feel a little more a part of this group, virgil” sobs

* logan making virgil laugh during the 12 days of christmas song, saying “6 crimes against the english language” to make virgil feel better after roman sings “7 sleights at virgil”

* when logan sings “5 crofters jams,” he definitely wanted to just impress virgil

* when they all sing “and an emo who’s now our best friend” logan gives him the softest look you could ever give someone hello

* logan thinks of giving virgil a gift card for audiobooks so that he can calm himself down when he’s feeling extra anxious meaning he genuinely thought of what virgil wanted/ needed

* when virgil says in can lying be good, “i knew something smelled fishy here” and logan take that literally, instead of getting frustrated at logan for taking him seriously again, virgil explains what he means.

* when logan is about to rant about how the concepts of good and bad ar meaningless, he doesn’t realize that doing that wouldn’t be helping anyone feel better, so virgil says “not a good time logan” to help him

* after logan says “as they say in the theater, fracture a femur,” virgil says “i hate both of those equally” but like definitely in joking/ affectionate way. u cannot tell me virgil spent time w logan that night helping him w internet slang

* in the my negative thinking ep, logan says that he “finally feels a sense of peace in this household… it finally feels like we are at a point of higher, sophisticated, thinking” after ONLY interacting w virgil an no one else, meaning he thinks virgil is intellectually superior to the rest of the sides like him

* logan also picks up whatever virgil says in their debate and definitely said that to roman to make virgil feel better and laugh

[notafunkiller]

kinda sudden but i came here everytime just to check on your thoughts abt sebby or aw bcs i randomly saw your post the other day and im hooked😂😭 (and everytime aw posted smth, i checked ur tumblr just to see if you posted anything)

im a very new seb stan ‘stan’ so i didn’t know anything abt him. i only know bits of this and that. im not really the type who’s busy with sum1s relay but i do love gossip and i love your thoughts😂 (i mean mainly my tiktok fyp love aw and sebby, or them being jealous, yours r the first i saw who talks abt smth different)

now bear with me bcs i am a certified yapper

i first came across your ‘body language’ post and it made me think back abt this one vid at the met gala where sebby touched a girls back at the stair (idk if u saw it) the first time i saw it i was like…

“SEBASTIAN STAN, U HAVE A GF😂🫵🏻 U R CAUGHT IN 4K!!”

https://vt.tiktok.com/ZSYPXxyQm/ (this vid)

i know its an innocent act but its so funny for me at the time bcs i never saw any vids abt him and aw so i was taken back a little (if that were my bf i would be REALLY sad😂)

its crazy how that video oozes with so much intimacy /tension or whtv than the vid of him kissing aw at Cannes😂😭 (personally thats what i think)

….

IT MADE ME FERAL like… did u see that hand placement? i would fold so quickly and ask if he’s single😂😂😂

for the others like the pic at cannes, maybe (maybe) he’s nervous, she is too, so their action were jumbled (i saw ur post saying that the two of them werent seen together for a long time, so maybe thats why) + its a big event too, he’s really nervous (a fact bcs its so obvious from his face) thats why the pic came off awkward? idk😂

im not there when he first start dating aw, so i couldnt really judge and make some deep theory however i think (personally) they do fall in love at one point, but now its not??? like the early times? does that makes sense? bcs i did see sum pics and its cute but man idk, besides a mere picture couldn’t tell the whole story. it’s sending mixed signals😂

the urge to interrogate them is so strong, but whtv, its not my problem, i just wanna tell u abt the met gala video and sum of my thoughts. oh and i will always protect and defend sebastian stan (well…unless the issue is undefendable😂 thats another story)

im ending it with a random sebby stan gif, enjoy (oh and also a cat gif bcs it almost look the same as his gif)

with love from:

>> cartof

First of all hiii and welcome here, really nice to meet you!

How are youuu?

Now talking about what you said... well, for someone so nervous, she announced her appearance at Cannes, so I do not believe this whole: I'm shy thing. Especially based on her behaviour and how she talks.

Also, yeah, that video with the hand on the back made the shippers mad bit also defensive. It was hot.

The fact he does not touch AW on the red carpet even for the photo is loud to me. They did not make a couple red carpet entrance and he stepped on her dress. He is an affectionate person in general and honestly (that kiss was not even actually on the mouth) he looked more affectionate with Maria at Cannes...

(Also about Sebastian in general... I wish he didn't crave an Oscar so badly, ngl. It's political and not that much based on merits sometimes, but it's his work... his choice.)

[vazelbeak]

Whos your least vs favorite character in HH and HB and why?

Hm, now this I'd say takes some thought, both because of how we don't have Hazbin out right now to entirely judge (how much they change from the pilot to the show like designs can very quite a bit Not just because of more or different writers but because of generally more resources provided like time and money, but that varies studio to studio.) But also because it depends on criteria, which if up to me, I find a lot of Vivs characters are good in certain areas but unfortunately lack components in others needed to give them well rounded personalities, motivations, backgrounds, ect.

Hazbin

Least favorite: This likely isnt too shocking as I find Angel Dust is for a lot of people is kinda both a least and most favorite simultaneously. He has a very distinct character design workable for a silhouette test which I can easily give credit to! However He doesn't appear to look much like a spider in those as much as a general insect. My mind immediately goes to a stick bug not because of the legs but just proportionally he doesnt really have any spider proportions and even non silhouette speaking if the spots under his eyes were his other eyes, my problem with that is the both only look like spots, and don't act like eyes. I also find myself not a fan of how his design thus far hasnt tied into his capabilities. Personally I'm a fan of zoology, I loved catching bugs and lizards as a kid and my grandpa worked in pest control so he actually did at times teach me about insects. So when I see Angel dust, a spider next to someone like Val (who ive heard a varied cockroach and moth) my immediate thought goes to "Angel youre a spider, youre arguably the most capable of taking him out".

Looking it up the animals that are largely immune to spider venom are hedgehogs, skunks, ground squirrels, and pigs (points for his pig I will presume it intentional!) While the idea perhaps he has gold teeth replaced his canines that could be used for that, it also brings to question why didn't Angel use them prior? Or did he and somehow fail like not using enough? How did Val get the upper hand when to my knowledge Angel had 40 more years in hell than him? What was angel even doing before Val even arrived? Overall I find him to have interesting bits to him, but he has the development reminiscent of OCs I made in highschool where they were largely based upon aesthetics, but the substance that ties those pieces together is largely lacking. I'd also enjoy his character more if the whole "sinners being based on animals and objects" wasn't aesthetic (hell if they actually meant something symbolism wise, like Angel being a spider bc he himself for lack of a better term in life was toxic. He got by in life by weaving nice webs of lies and false promises, and the moment someone fell for it and got caught, he would poison them and turn them into Husks.

And maybe thats part of what weirdly works for him and Husk to become close. Be it Husk is already an aftermath of what Angel turned people into, making him almost redeem himself by helping someone that represents all the things he did wrong to people, or maybe its just Angel is put in a place of for once needing to see someone not for what they can do for him, but for who they are, because he never had to face anyone in the aftermath of what he did to them.

Most favorite: It may just be the personal family stuff, and it may just be my love of animals, but Husk has to be a favorite. Its very possible and likely because unlike the others we haven't had as much of Husk shown or given to us to really dislike. He comes off as your grumpy older dude who even just seeing the basic details of characters before watching the Pilot, I could see him playing a father figure role to someone like Crymini (or Crimini? I don't see enough of her to remember the spelling.) a rebellious teen which iirc was part of the original idea, and seems to semi carry into the show now if the leaks gave any idea since he was listed as a shoulder to cry on. And that bit is good! We should be able to see that pose and expression on his face and read that! Overall unlike Angel his personality reads as more charming by contrast to Angels constant jokes and being mean. (Unfortunately for Angel hes given traits that for some people like me, that gets grating fast when theres nobody he's going back and forth with and theres direct consequences to his actions that only appear to hurt others. This is funny when theres acknowledgement of a character having tried their best or theyre a jerk but there is a invaluable ability that makes their behavior a sort of price to pay for which also makes said character come off as despite the behavior having good intentions or at least good for helping the people we're supposed to root for) but Husk while he can come off as a jerk as a grumpy character has it balanced by having other characters provoke it and appear unbothered by his annoyance. It makes him a jerk to the audience, but not to the other characters that would make him hard to like. His design id say while not the worst, also doesnt entirely make the most sense I know he was apparently made by Viv's sibling so I'm not gonna look to style, but I am like angel gonna look at the function. With a magic and slot machine themes I'm left wondering why he's a cat mixed with a bird and not a dove mixed with a lion (two animals associated with magic and even vegas wheres slot machines are associated with) or even just a dragon theme in general as theyre seen as magical creatures. Looking at his design it does leave a lot to be desired, but hes meant to be a cat with wings and looks like one. I will say I'm not a fan of his outfit as it stands. Both because it doesn't really read as a ba tender outfit, and because his lack of shirt just immediately makes me think "theres gonna be so much hair in those drinks" which is specifically an issue because a bartender outfit would help remedy this to a degree. I think as it stands Husk is a favorite for me because what little of his character we have is relatively consistent, we don't know enough about his backstory for it to drastically contrast with his current life in hell yet, and his design tells us his personality, but only in pose and expression. I also wish his design meant something such as if he's essentially a sorry excuse for a dragon because a Husk implies he's a shell of what he once was and so instead of looking much more like mythical creature he's reduced to looking like a cat with bird wings. Wings that based. Being dark on the inside would either be fake or poorly maintained to the point he's incapable of flying. Itd be cool if his appearance tied into a theme of someone who's somewhat lost sight of all the magic in the world/become desensitized to it all (and therefore good in the world). He is one of the last people next to Vaggie to fall for tricks that rely on you being overly trusting of people. He does however fall for stuff that feeds into his need to be the smarter person it makes him feel validated because you have to be smart to pull off magic tricks and not being smart makes him feel like he has nothing. Imply he won't take a card because he can't read it and he'll snatch it out of your hands to prove you wrong. But he really likes seeing peoples eyes light up at a slight of hand trick.

I would like to think bc Husk has stopped seeing good in the world its the ways others like Charlie and Vaggie try and fail at things that almost force Husk to care because despite him being that way, he can't stand other people going down the same path. So he may not say anything when you fail at something and get upset over it. But the next morning after a night of complaining youll see whatever it is completed. I really hope they manage to make his character work i think it could be done really easily with what we already have.

Helluva

Least: I think as much as I would like to say Millie for how under utilized and how much potential she could hold as someone who grew up on a farm and became an assassin, it doesn't compare to the shift from concept to final product that Blitzø had as well as his constant screen time that doesn't help. Starting visually Blitzø doesn't really look like a clown turned assassin and the spikes on his back give an iguana esque look to him as an Imp. I like the stylized head shape that a 3/4s angle can give his head a heart shape, however i find his forehead marking both overly complex and that it doesn't appear to serve much of a purpose to where it would benefit being simplified. Naturally I think it would be cool to see how Blitzo's iguana traits tie into his design such as not being very aware of social ques because iguanas often communicate visually. However my biggest problem with Blitzø is how he seemed to work much better conceptually. Which is to say Blitzø is a jerk.

Now, jerk characters have to be handled well. The more of a jerk they are and the more it touches upon real life forms of unpleasant behavior the more you need to work to make their behavior palatable enough to keep the audience engaged. We're supposed to root for Blitzø after all! But when Blitzø calls Moxxie the r slur, he sexually harasses his employees, those are very real things that are not very funny IRL (having experienced some of these things, it especially makes them all the more grating which is something that should be somewhat accounted for in making jerk characters by balancing their traits). And luckily there are ways these jerk traits can be remedied. Ill keep it to three I type long enough and my talking tends to be worse.

Jerk characters are very case by case due to the varied nature in which theyre a jerk. However there are general balancing methods.

-Karmatic repercussions. Karmatic repercussions are often the use of am almost cosmic force punishing a jerk character for their actions. It often is more employed in kids cartoons but the idea is to make fun of them for how they act or make them. A good example id point to is Squidward who is often an annoyed grumpy jerk who refuses to engage with the fun of spongebobs antics but this is remedied by often having a sort of punishment that is funny. Its funny for Squidward to be run over by giant rock because he naturally doesn't believe spongebob can ride a rock, as well as being comically squished in the sand.

- Heart of gold where is counts. I am under the impression this was the goal for Angeldust but functionally this is where your jerk character frequently is a jerk however will show their kinder side after things go too far or to prevent things from going too far. Usually youll see this is persistent for villains who team up with the protagonist against another far more evil forces but sometimes its out of remorse for a protagonist. A workable example id point to would be Cotton from King of The Hill who's a jerk, but when Peggy loses her teaching license he does help her get it back despite largely being a unpleasant person. He's unpleasant but when it counts he helped her. (I dont have a good gif for this one so this will have to do)

-Who cares he's a loser. This one is fairly simple and utilized in a lot of cartoons. CodeName: Kids Next Door, The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy, Pokemon, Invader Zim, ect. Where a character is a jerk but theyre a loser which both downgrades the seriousness of what they do and makes us take what they say less impactful. A decent example I point to is Jack Spicer from Xaolin Showdown. He's a bad guy but we take his evil actions less seriously and are able to believe him becoming a good guy because we don't take those evil actions seriously.

And thats where Blitzøs concept art comes into play. i think a lot of his unpleasant and jerk traits would've been much more tolerable and able to be put up with if he was meant to be loser. He could insult Moxxie only to trip and fall into a mud puddle and it would work because it takes away any of the gravity of what he says. Quite literally "who cares what Blitzø says about Moxxie hes a loser". But on top of that its the way Blitzø is made a focus that also contributes to him being so grating. Youd think an episode focusing on where Millie grew up would focus on her and tell us a bit about maybe where and why she went from a farm to the assassin business and how she found the job but we got Blitzø and Striker. Youd think an episode that seemed meant to focus on Loona and Octavia based on the thumbnail and implication we'd see Loona's backstory would be about them, but instead it's Blitzø and Stolas on a sitcom set that we've had no indication really had any meaning or purpose to the story beyond Blitzø for some reason having trauma over seeing Loona at the pound. Which in itself was one of the big things that made me dislike his role im the story. Typically when you set up a flashback giving a characters backstory through the eyes of another person its to present a contrast in how they respectively viewed the situation or how that effected the character.

It would make sense if it was about why Blitzø is so over bearing towards Loona, because he's really trying to make her feel like she could do something with her life and that she's not a hopeless cause like she was told. But the way Blitzø is the one traumatized and we don't see how Loona was effected or how this looked through her eyes makes it feel like a last minute jumpstart to get Blitzø and Stolas out of the building after writing them into that situation.

Looking at it on a writing stand point and setting aside how unnecessary it felt to the plot akin to Millie and Moxxie's plot, a set up like that would have been a perfect for Blitzø to confront what happened that made him no longer perform on stage and why it was so significant. It felt like a perfect set up where Blitzø after having a flashback to how he met Loona would disregard the teleprompters and make a grandiose speech about how you can't just replace family the moment they become inconvenient to you. That in choosing to raise them as your own you have to take responsibility for not properly training and teaching them to behave and so he needs

Blitzø would be talking about its not right for him to just replace Loona when he adopted her knowing she had issues and made no efforts to actually correct her behavior. (In which Blitzø being overbearing would make sense as seeing this his responsibility even if Loona's an adult). But to the people on set, their actor just went of script and improvised a touching and impactful speech about the importance of responsibility. And as they end the episode, Blitzø gets the applause and cheer that makes him think he'd should consider becoming an actor as he makes his way to his dressing room until he's handed a paycheck and can't believe he's making so little. What do these guys take him for?! Do they have any idea how exhausting it is go be on camera for that long without commercial breaks?!

From their he and Stolas sneak out of the building while everyone else is preoccupied leaving the check discarded on thr floor of the dressing room and part of the joke is the actor Blitzø was mistaken for is later found dead is mourned for having died after giving the best performance of his life. Maybe someone sees Stolas discard his human form and they think he's the owl man cryptid known for hovering around people or places before tragedy but only conspiracy theorist types believe that.

But the sitcom plot didn't amount to much and the excuse Blitzø has a panic attack over Loona's trauma to a point of on camera claiming to see a kid snorting coke in the dressing room (which let me say with the amount of child actors that have come forward regarding how they were mistreated and knowing they turned to drugs either over stress or over their parents giving it to them, it comes off rather tasteless) doesnt even come off funny as unlike Darla Dimple in Cats Don't Dance, she wasn't mean or rude in a way to make it feel funny as though Blitzø was actually doing some good by revealing she did something horrible.

And because of that it just makes it harder to enjoy because Helluva Boss ends up this big show where Blitzø is the center of attention but he is arguably the least enjoyable character to have on screen. He's overall not a balanced enough character to find engaging on screen but its arguably made worse knowing theres such a massive contrast between who he is on screen vs the conceptual work that made his character feel much more balanced for the role he plays that feels like came to be from self fandomization.

Most: I don't know if this may be the personal connection speaking but to me, my favorite character is Octavia. Visually she doesn't look much like a hybrid between a swan and Owl as much as the crow owl hybrid Stolas is reminiscent of. I think it would be more interesting if her outfits had more variety in which she had royal clothes she has to wear but her outfit we currently see her wear is meant to be causal and comfortable but because she's part of the Goetia that is her only outfit meant to be because she's heavily expected to embrace her royal status and get used to walking around in royal attire. (Perhaps this is even an outfit she made herself and she would love to design clothing if given the chance?). I wish we saw more incorporation of the animals Stolas and Stella were and how Octavia inherits those traits as it could be a means to expand on how whether we like it or not we inherit our parents traits and not just physically. (Also perhaps expand on how Stella may be so against divorce because Swans mate for life meaning if Stolas leaves her she intended to kill the both of them. Meanwhile for Stolas as a tawny owl, while some mate for life its not universal potentially reflecting why divorce is seen as a problem. And in a way its their contrast in mentalities regarding marriage). Id argue she has the most interesting and compelling narrative of having to learn the harsh reality of your parents not being perfect and how to handle that. A struggle that you especially become aware of when your parents split and actively despise one another. My only issue with it is how often her feelings are dismissed or diminished as though an "id never forget about you" erases the times Stolas did ignore her or forget about something important in favor of Blitzø and Stella. (Viv your claim to writing the moments that everyone praises ignores how you as the creator of an indie production greenlight the worst moments too and its shameful to see you throw your fellow writers under the bus like that.) We've never seen anything meant to make these moments outliers or implied such outside of Stolas's insistence he does care for her and often times far too late.

And as much as it can be argued "why would Stolas remember, why didnt Octavia wait until he was done on the phone?" I both admittedly sooner sympathize with a kid who misunderstood their parents over a parent who to my knowledge would face no consequences to hanging up or holding the phone away to quickly ask "what" incase of an emergency as well as find it to be rather bad writing to make such a reach for why Octavia would feel so upset that she'd run away, just to flip it and insist "no actually she doesnt realize how much her dad loves her though". It feels inconsistent especially when we see Stolas in the audience of a sitcom set and not (what i feel wouldve made the focus on him more justified) ditching Blitzø because unlike his assassin boyfriend, Octavia has no means to protect herself and no familiarity with the human world.

To me Octavia would be an interesting figure to give us a sort of parallel or contrast to her and Stolas's upbringing. Did Stolas stay with Stella because in being raised by Paimon he assumed two parents was better than one based on what he wanted? Does Octavia need to produce an heir? Why not?

I think it would be an interesting direction if because Stolas was forced into an arranged marriage he has an aversion to anything that feels more than causal because his only experiences with love as a kid involved being forced into molds chose by other people and by result while he spared Octavia from needing to produce an heir, he's struggled to allow her form much in the way of any relationships outside her immediate family and it makes her likely struggle to understand other people since her interactions have been so limited. Overall I like her as a character, visually her design doesn't really work with what we know but could be expanded on to work if we got more of her character, and I really hope they actually give us more to her than just being "Stolas's sad daughter who just tragically doesn't realize he loves her"

A lot of it boils down to their intended ideas may be interesting and hold a lot of potential, but if you can't balance them out enough to be entertaining on screen and interesting characters both visually and writing wise, its gonna be really hard for me to root for who you want me to.

[thepringlesofblood]

bonus content for those who read the taz: petals to the metal graphic novel and haven’t listened to the podcast arc

so i decided to do another one of these bc I’m procrastinating doing my homework and I like doing shit like this.

basically, under the cut I’m going to be listing a bunch of stuff from the podcast that wasn’t in the graphic novel, or was changed.

this is NOT to say ‘oh i wished they included that’ - it is to say ‘oh look cool bonus content and extra information and context for me, someone who has not listened to the podcast’

It’s not crystal kingdom level, but petals to the metal is still a LONG arc with a lot of stuff in it. of course they had to cut things for time, or condense them, or change them. None of this is in a ‘um actually in the original it was better’  these are just observations of the differences/changes for funsies, and my opinion on them (mostly positive in case you didn’t notice)

(also important: you can be sad something wasn’t in the novel while still understanding why it isn’t and knowing that the final product is still great)

anyway. spoilers for pttm, but I tried not to spoil anything later than that, so people who have only read/listened this far can enjoy

ch. 1

the carnival was the first real lunar interlude, since ‘moonlighting’ is just them getting the job

the costumes are *chef kiss* perfect, although in the podcast taako dresses up as judge lance ito (lanzito? idk how to spell his name but i’m p sure he was the judge in the oj simpson trials???) bc justin saw a guy do it 3 years in a row at a party and thought it was funny.

that change is pretty obvious, taako does ross from friends in the book which gets across the ‘low effort reused costume thrown together at the last minute’ effect just fine

in the podcast carnival basically there’s just a guy with some cans they can’t knock down and they have some beef and that’s the only real game they play. the unicorn double-barrel special is 100% accurate though.

so in the lunar interludes garfield and the gashapon and the leveling all take place on their own before the carnival obvs, but they get all the same stuff and shenan the same shenanigans pretty much.

what IS notable is that in the podcast, this is the first appearance of garfield the deals warlock.

I don’t know how many of you know his dark origin story

but basically he started as a money zone goof on mbmbam and then griffin put him in the game

significantly, at this point he is an entry-level employee, while he’s the boss next time they meet him. in the book he has always and will always be the boss

there is also a functionality which never appears again where you can just name a price and do a contested roll against garfield’s charisma to pay that for something instead of the sticker price and like. magnus does that.

another bit that i’m very glad didn’t make it into the novel is when merle does this roll, he agrees that if garfield wins, he gets merle’s firstborn child.

(this is to buy the ring of recall, which gives you back a spell slot if the spell fails)

garfield wins. but. taako comes over to save the day with the 100$ extra money he has from selling angus’ silverware and helps him buy it.

so

yeah

that

eesh

also while the whole leon interaction is basically the same, leon actually bites the tokens to make sure they’re real, and everyone dunks on griffin bc he said the tokens were brass not gold

the shield in the book that magnus wants does not exist in the podcast. it was a choice b/w the mystery bag and the eyespy, which in the podcast is called the lens of straight creepin’ (this is where magnus rolls to haggle and wins)

the glass ball that stephen lives in is originally described as ‘softball size’ which is WILD

travis was not nearly as psyched about stephen as magnus was. he goes ‘well griffin it feels like when you ask your parents for a dog and they bring home a goldfish to teach you responsibility’ and griffin straight up is like YEAH THAT IS WHATS HAPPENING CAN CONFIRM but he learns to love him ^v^

the eclipse is the same. where the director is during the eclipse changes.

in the book it’s implied she’s been in her office the whole time, but it is never confirmed. we don’t see her at all before then.

in the podcast, we know beforehand she makes an announcement:

Griffin: The Director, you hear her voice amplified over the yard, and she says:

The Director: Attention, everyone. The Eclipse is about to take place, if you would like to join us in the yard, and join us for the viewing of The Eclipse. Uh, it should be here in just a minute or so.

so ‘us’ implies she is in the yard with them

later, afterwards, griffin says

“The— the Director is the first one to sit up and survey the scene.”

so, she was in the yard with them, and was knocked out when The Thing happened. And she recovers the quickest

they immediate run over to her, and this fun dialogue happens

Griffin: She’s a little bit disoriented. She just woke up, and—

Travis: I slap her.

Griffin: She slaps you back.       

Director: Booyah.

they go around waking other people up with “healing slaps”

taako uses prestidigitation to turn into the sun from the jimmy dean commercials because “he always makes me feel pretty good.”

there’s a time jump b/w the lunar interlude and ep 1 of pttm

ep1 it opens a fun scene of the boys sparring with Avi, Killian, and Pringles (this is where we start calling him Pringles, too) and then the director calling them to her office to inform them about the gaia sash.

highlights

justin, who has not yet confirmed taako’s sexuality, asks griffin if there’s any babes in the audience watching the fight

griffin, uncomfortable: yeah, i guess there are some women...

justin: yeah, there’s women, but are there any baëbes

griffin, catching on: no less than four beëhbes

the book combines the two director office scenes into one (v smart)

some fun bonus director dialogue

they establish that the bob official handshake is the one from Big, and the director says deadpan, dripping gravitas, ‘shimmy shimmy cocoa puff’ while doing it.

as she’s describing goldcliff and being like ‘surely you must have heard of goldcliff’ and this happens

Taako: We actually have only been to three places

Merle: And they’re no longer there.

Taako: …And most of them aren’t there anymore. [laughter]

she also gives them gorp to eat on their way to goldcliff, and tells them her secret ingredient is pistachios with the shells still on, making it pgorp (or gorpp, as taako puts it)

she tells them that last time on the way down in the ball they hit a bunch of unicorns that were endangered and had to pay fines for it. (this isn’t right they were pegasi)

merle horrifically mispronounces “icosagon” (like, I have it written down as omagobrakasbragsbron) provoking griffin to say: “If any of you can tell me what a 20-sided shape is called I will mail you 200$” (none of them get it. justin guess dodecahedron but that’s 12-sided shape)

ch 2

i will tell you right now - i don’t think merle ever uses dampen elements. but they emphasize that in the book instead of the other ability he gets, destroy undead which is Very useful, so maybe there’s an occasion I’m forgetting

when captain bane is like level 6?? in the podcast he also adds ‘i’m about to send three 6-year-olds into battle???’

merle and captain captain bane have a ‘gruff off’ since merle says he wants the monopoly on gruff voices. taako gives them the phrase ‘taako rules’ merle wins bc apparently clint can sound like the devil when he wants.

i. i cant. with the vines. it’s p much the same as in the podcast but please just listen to that one scene or look up an animatic. i can’t describe it. the only things i will put here:

justin says “Statistically speaking, at least one of our listeners has just discovered that they are in possession of the world’s worst fetish!“

griffin asked for it. he said with his mouth “just talk dirty to these plants.“ and clint did.

even funnier, when all of the boys turned against clint for this, clint shouts “YOU STARTED IT, MCELROY!”

you are all mcelroy. you all started it

the trent the treant fight is a lot longer with many more goofs, but the highlight of it for sure is when magnus chops trent in half, and is pissed off that he’s still alive

Travis: But… I chopped him in half!

Griffin: And he did take some damage for that.

Travis: Yeah, I should hope so!

the elevator scene...so beautiful. wonderfully done. the main difference is in the podcast, they have merle climb the stairs while magnus and taako take the elevator.

he’s almost able to save them, but he says he opens the doors at “the last possible second” bc he wants to be cool and dramatic, so griffin is like “welp. you get sucked in bc you tried to do it at the last possible second”

the other main difference is that in the podcast when taako casts blink shuffle jump, there’s no white eyes in the ethereal plane. he also blinks shuffle jumps earlier in the trent fight with no white eyes. given the knowledge i have as someone who has listened to the entirety of the balance arc at least 11 times, I’m pretty sure this is a “griffin forgot to do it in the podcast but dw we fixed it in the novel” situation. I’ll wager that any time taako visits the ethereal plane in the graphic novels going forwards, the eyes will be there. In fact, I really like seeing it here and him reacting to it.

there’s also a fantastic like, 20 seconds, that I would highly recommend listening to. Here’s the transcript

Griffin: Yeah, you climb the stairs, and, uh, it is, uh… It is an uneventful climb to the 20th floor. And a-

Travis: Floor 20!

Griffin: As- What?

Justin: [giggling]

Travis: [giggling] Floor-twenty!

[5 uninterrupted seconds of silence]

Griffin: [angrily] We’re not gonna say anything better than that, like-

Travis: Griffin we gotta fight some weeds at floor 20.

Griffin: [stunned] We, have... 30 more minutes to go,

Justin: [giggles]

Griffin: And, we’re not gonna say anything better than that.

Clint: [laughs]

Griffin: Did you even think about that?

sloane is pretty much the same - I love her so much

ch 3

the stuff with hurley folds out naturally enough, although sergeant detective strawberry isn’t anything more than a passing joke in the podcast. he’s just there in the book to tell you that silverpoint poison = bad.  and occasionally be someone for cpt. cpt. bane to talk to.

merle actually does cast zone of truth in the podcast, and everyone fails their save but him, so hurley tells them all the truth and merle tells some real dumb lies just because he can

later on this leads to this wonderful exchange of taako reassuring hurley about getting sloane back:

Taako: Uh, listen. I know you’re really worried about your friend right now, and I know you don’t know us really well. But let me promise you this.

Justin: Are we out of the zone of truth?

Griffin: Yeah, yeah. You’re far away from it.       

Taako: Everything’s gonna be fine.

speaking of, merle is a lot nicer in the books, mostly because clint has the benefit of reflection and time - the funniest improv is not always the most moral improv. He thanks hurley for saving his life in the book and it’s really sweet, meanwhile in the podcast he’s repeatedly suggesting cannibalism or gaslighting a guy into thinking god’s going to kill him with a train. not an exaggeration.

I forget exactly when, but at one point when they’re following hurley somewhere, magnus steals a keychain for absolutely no reason, then gives it back bc he got caught. gotta love it.

ch 4

i love love love the jumpcut of hurley telling them not to kill anyone to them throwing barbara off a cliff

yes, barbara. there’s. just so much of a scene of them getting rid of the 3 gang members guarding the entrance to their lair. they all have different ideas and decide to try them one by one. I can’t fully explain it here please go listen this is when gaslighting a guy into thinking god’s going to kill him with a train happens and it’s the funniest thing ever. (it’s episode 21, pttm pt 4, little over halfway through the episode.) quick overview

merle tries preaching the good word of pan to them but it ends up more like ‘what if you died? right now? what would happen? a train could run through this building right now and then where would you be?’ and he scares a guy with a train sound so bad that he runs off into the night.

important: the guy that runs off is Little Jerry. the guy that stays and does most of the talking is Jerreeeeee.  there is also a guy in the security booth.

then magnus comes over and is like hello i would like to join your gang please :)

theres a huge entrance fee though so at first he tries to trade stephen for it but doesn’t expect griffin to say yes and when Jerreeeeee actually agrees he’s like....not this fish. but I got a guy and he can set your whole gang up with fish, i’ll send you his chainlinkedin

eventually he gets Jerreeeeee to go inside and get the boss, then pretends to have something to do and leaves.

taako comes back disguised as Little Jerry (using the spell disguise self). but then the real Little Jerry comes back and taako casts sleep on him like ‘oh no an imposter! we gotta go check on the arcane core!’

and the dumb thing? security booth totally agrees with him. they’re all set to go until security booth’s like ‘wait we should take the fake little jerry and interrogate him’ and taako...doesn’t handle it well.

Taako: [as Little Jerry] When’d you turn in- When’d you go soft? Huh? When’d you go soft?       

Ruffian 3: Well no, it’s just like- we need to- gather information-

Taako: [as Little Jerry] When we were growin’ up- we were growin’ up together, in the streets. Out there, in the streets of Goldcliff. Y’know, we- You- were never soft.       

Ruffian 3: We met, like, two months-       

Taako: [as Little Jerry] You saw- you saw a dead bird, you-      

Ruffian 3: We met, like, two months ago!

Taako: [as Little Jerry] You saw a dead bird, you’d step on it. You’d say, ‘I hate birds!’ You were- you had, no heart. Heartless Hank, we called you. Was it Hank? Remind me what your real name is, ‘cause I can only remember the great nicknames I’ve given you over the months.

and security booth gives him an ultimatum - say my real name, right now, or I’ll kill you

and justin says...”It is completely conceivable he would have a nametag. Maybe.”

griffin: in a gang?! in a gang?!?

anyway. griffin lets justin guess. he has him take off his headphones, and tells the other two the name: barbara

justin comes back on and after some dithering says his name is taako “Psych, that’s just mine! Say my name! I cast magic missile.”

and barbara gets killed. and that’s who gets thrown off the cliff at the beginning of ch 4.

ok i s2g that’s the last of that scene it’s just so so so good i needed the world to know

from here on the main differences are that in podcast taako is disguised as lil jerry the whole time and maarvey is a man.

they probably made maarvey a woman to avoid having the only female characters this arc be our beautiful lesbian plant ladies who definitely don’t die - respect

also i appreciate the continuation of the new elfington joke

there’s a whole conversation when Magnus goes to pull the lever and squish the guys where Justin’s like “wait. wait. we were SPECIFICALLY told not to kill anyone” and they argue and decide that magnus should hit it once and then again to stop it, so they just pin the guys in place. they try to do this and griffin’s like “and the guys get squished anyway bc that’s not how any of this works!”

at one point Merle casts calm emotions to try and reason with Klaarg/G’nash. Klaarg resists but the guy he’s holding doesn’t and is very chill while he’s getting choked out and thrown around

also in the podcast they continue the theme of bugbears being like exploited and trafficked and stuff so the hammerheads supposedly “bought” him, glad they cut that shit out.

ch 5

in the podcast it isn’t like. super confirmed that hurley and sloane were dating. not queerbait but not explicit like it in the book.

griffin received some well-deserved criticism about this arc and the ‘bury your gays trope’ and making queer characters explicitly queer and he really took it to heart (he talks about it in a ttazz) so I’m glad to see the effects of that in the gn.

I feel like part of the gn series is like. fixing mistakes/problematic aspects. not in a bad way, not in like a shitty retcon way, but in a nice way that’s like ‘we recognize that we’ve made mistakes and hurt people unintentionally, and we want to show that we’re listening and trying to do better this time around’

that’s one of the things i really like about the mcelroys tbh is their willingness to say ��we fucked up, how do we fix it’

sorry thats not pttm related ill shut up now

throughout the podcast, the adamant spanner is referred to alternately as “the adamant spanner” or “the arc-light spanner” or sometimes “the adamantium spanner”

p sure it started out as the arc-light spanner and then they forgot what it was called. fun stuff tho

as hurley keeps bring them stuff in boxes, griffin keeps pausing for dramatic effect when describing what’s in them and everyone else keeps cutting him off with other things

ya had to be there but example: “Its a really big…black…metal…” “DILDO” “DAMMIT” (the third time he anticipates it and says “and its dildos and pizza”)

the stone of farspeech call to sloane at the end of the chapter is new. i like it.

griffin mentions that although hurley does have a halfling size safety holster for merle, it’s tight on him bc of how stocky dwarves are, and there’s all sorts of jokes about fantasy spanx and it being very slimming on him while he simmers in rage.

glad they removed this one but the term “fantasy spanx” is hilarious

Hurley is the one who says the mice skeleton thing

in the podcast they choose which animals to look like, so taako like, chooses the mongoose.

the whole “fully realized creation” monologue is 100% accurate and FANTASTICALLY rendered.

hurley makes them based on their request which is nice of her

when describing the montage of the night before the race, he describes it as “This is like a summer vacation montage, not a rocky training montage. Like camp nowhere.”

ch. 6

the race. is. awesome. they kept almost everything from the podcast.

tiny thing: magnus uses railsplitter on the glass of the octopus tank, and the first time it just puts a crack in it, and he’s like ‘it’s glass???? shouldn’t it break???’ and griffin is like ‘it’s THICK glass it has to hold a giant octopus and a bunch of water’ but the second time he gets it.

merle actually gives magnus a buff (bull’s strength) before going into the battle, unusually doing a normal cleric thing.

Griffin: “His eyebrows grow three sizes and move half a foot up his face. He’s got a lot of face”

garyl actually gets got :/ he misses a dex save and is destroyed under the wheels of one of the battlewagons. he and justin assure the audience that as a phantom steed, he cannot die and can be summoned back at any time.

Klaarg/g’nash just. bounces off in the safety harness after the laser thing.

quality quotes

Justin: “Does it look dangerous? Does it look like it’s gonna hurt him”

Griffin: “last night I googled the most dangerous octopus and you know what came up?”

Justin: “It’s a very tense situation”

Griffin: “yeah its almost like I engineered it to be that way”

they spend way longer on hurley and sloane cute bonding moments in the gn and i APPROVE

what happens to the shark tank is. a bit gorier in the podcast. like a guy gets his legs sliced off gorier.

is taako allowed to say think outside the bun?????

they truly perfectly captured the wand of switcheroo moment.

in the podcast there’s some goofs bc when taako does it there’s still like a short amount of race left to do, so they’re all trying to beat each other now that sloane has definitely lost. its all pretty funny but def kind of defuses the tension a bit too much before sloanes big dramatic drive off the cliff.

ch 7

thank you mcelroys for having hurley explicitly say “girlfriend” in the gn. its not like avoided or hidden or anything in the podcast, it’s just less explicitly spelled out for you (for dramatic effect tbh).

goofy ass thing - taako calls himself “weasel-man” in the podcast instead of “man-goose” bc he forgot the highly specific mask he was wearing? or maybe he thought mongoose is a type of weasel?

(i looked it up theyre different species mongoose =/= weasel)

the arcane core getting sucked up into taako’s umbrastaff restoring all his spell slots. the gn is perfect, it’s just that the energy of the scene simply doesn’t translate. I just. I just need to describe it as it is described in the podcast.

basically taako goes to cast fireball again right? and he casts the spell and rolls the damage and griffin goes, “actually, keep rolling. I’ll tell you when you’re done”

and the tension just mounts. with every roll. until

Griffin: The sun basically comes out of the end of your Umbra Staff.

I copy-pasted the transcript bc it simply is such an iconic scene. skip if you want but it’s just *chef kiss*

(happens around 40 min into ep 27, pttm pt 10)

Griffin: Yeah, you point the Umbra Staff at the-- at this towering vine giant and fireball starts to come out of the tip of it but it’s like, really big?

Justin: Uh oh.

Griffin: And-- and it’s not-- it hasn’t like fully come out of it yet, it’s almost like a drop of water that hasn’t really fallen out of the faucet yet, so go ahead and keep rolling those D6s.

Justin: [Snorts] Okay… [rolls] 3 [rolls] 9 [rolls] 11 [rolls] 15 [rolls] 18 [rolls] will you tell me when to stop?

Griffin: Yup.

Justin: 22 [rolls] 23 [rolls] 29 [rolls] 33 [rolls] 37 [laughs] [rolls] 43 [rolls].

Clint: This is worrying me.

Justin: Yeah. 47 [rolls] 48.

Griffin: Okay, that’s good.

Justin: Okay.

Griffin: Okay, so it’s 48 on top of the 32?

Justin: Yeah.

Griffin: For a total of 160?

Justin: ...Yeah.

Griffin: The sun basically comes out of the end of your Umbra Staff.

an interesting thing to note. for longtime fans of the show. is that. magnus (who is definitely in the aoe of the spell) does not have to roll and takes no damage. he’s inside the vine monster but so is sloane and she definitely feels that fire. on a first watch this comes off as “this moment is cool enough that griffin decided not to hit magnus with the giant, giant fireball that just happened” and that could 100% be what happened

but if you’ll come into my little theory corner, where there are *SPOILERS FOR ALL OF TAZ BALANCE* i had a thought upon listening to this for the 17th time. taako cannot spellshape. griffin repeatedly tells him that since he switched from being an evocation wizard to being a transmutation wizard, he is no longer able to spellshape (meaning, shape an aoe spell so it only hits who you want it to hit, similar to what happened to magnus here).

So. taako is not spellshaping. that’s something only an evocation wizard is capable of. now who do we know who specializes in evocation and umbrellas? 0.0

just a thought. could be total crack. *END SPOILERS*

ch 8.

every beat of hurley and sloane’s final scene is perfect. no changes made or required.

one short joke right after the tree transformation that was skipped (fairly)

Justin: I notice Magnus reaching for Railsplitter and I say,

Taako: Don’t even think about it!

in the podcast, this is when griffin is still in the “roll a wisdom save against the grand relics to see if they thrall you” era,

taako goes up to get the sash and fails the save, and griffin has hurley and sloane speak into his mind and give him advantage (so they’re still ambiguously probably not dead in the podcast) and he still fails the save 

there’s a hilarious, terrifying moment where he lifts it up like he’s about to put it on and the other boys descend on him, merle making the save and magnus holding him back.

i like merle going up to the sash like its a frightened animal in the gn. it’s good.

“I don’t need your help, pal, to have sex with an onion!” is straight from the podcast. they just made it snappier for the gn. love to see it folks.

the gn makes clear at every point possible that they DID not die, and are cool dryad ladies now. originally none of that was intended - in the podcast, while they’re not really dead (see above), they’re certainly not up and walking about anymore.

in a ttazz griffin mentions that he wanted this first epic romance to have a tragic ending, so he intended for the turning into a tree to be the end of hurley and sloane’s story.

but then people told him about the ‘bury your gays’ trope and how it really disappointed taz’s predominantly queer listener base when hurloane seemingly died, and the madlad retconned it and worked hurley and sloane coming back as dryads into the finale. iconic. we love a man who can own his mistakes and work to better himself.

 ooh the scene w capt. capt. bane. the deciding not to drink the brandy.

in the gn its very cut and dry. bane asks abt resisting the thrall, and then proposes a toast, and they all say no.

i understand why it was changed 100%. in the podcast, after he proposes the toast to hurley, they all start making tree puns about it, not saying no but not saying yes, and he gets. antsy.

Griffin: He is uh, he is looking at the three of you sort of expectantly, and he looks kind of nervous as he’s holding this drink up.

Captain Bane: Uh, a toast- a toast then. Have you guys ever toasted before?

Merle: Marshmallows…

Magnus: I like toast!

Captain Bane: N-- [sighs] it’s bad luck if you don’t drink after the toast.

and that’s when they decide not to drink.

it just kind of gives more context then “they suddenly decide to not drink”

instead of cpt cpt bane losing it on them and getting physical, in the podcast taako casts charm person on him the second he gets too aggressive about them drinking the brandy.

but griffin says that it feels like taako’s charm person spell is being overpowered by another spell on cpt cpt bane.

and then the red robe goes all ham on the possession and makes cpt cpt bane drink all the brandy n shit

the red robe is like. way more cryptic in the podcast. ik you’re like “wait how is that possible???” but it is.

“are you afraid?...... are you afraid of the dark? ........you do not know how to be afraid”

some real theater kid shit. I like the gn version better, it makes more sense for the overall arc and flows better.

still talks about the hunger of all living things and the past relic users, but doesn’t mention the director.

instead, ends with “This is your first lesson.”

“lessons” never come up in any context ever again. i’m pretty sure a lot of this was griffin being vague and threatening so he can come up with stuff to back it up later, and that is so, so valid.

*minor spoilers*

in the podcast Griffin uses a gendered pronoun* for the red robe right out the gate, as does the director. this is the pronoun the red robe uses for the entire podcast. idk if griffin using the correct pronoun as the director is an assumption on her part of the red robe’s gender/pronouns, griffin just forgetting whether or not the director would know the red robe’s pronouns, or him trying to convey that the director does know the red robe’s pronouns, but just want to put that out there.

i also don’t know if knowing the red robe’s pronouns counts as spoilers. hence the warning

but in the gn when they talk to the director about it they all default to they/them - the spoiler here is that that isn’t the pronoun used by the red robe. you probably could’ve guessed that. hence the ‘minor’

*any pronoun can be gendered, but in this case I’m specifically talking about the difference b/w using they/them as a “neutral” option because you don’t know someone’s pronouns vs knowing the pronouns that someone prefers.

*end minor spoilers*

magnus does try to beat the shit out of an incorporeal being though and it’s exactly as entertaining.

ch 9

i just. this scene is maybe the most different. for the better.

first off, it takes place in the lunar interlude, and it takes place after the relic disposal chamber destruction bit

the director’s whole speech at the end is new, mostly to show off our cool new dryad ladies, v valid, and to drop some VERY big foreshadowing in that last panel!!

merle’s interaction with the director is much more sincere in the gn as well as being much more there.

but there’s just a LOT of lunar interlude stuff that gets skipped in the gn. I don’t think covering it all here would be helpful, just listen to lunar interlude II, it’s one of the best ones. here’s the transcript and the episode

stuff gets skipped for lunar interludes in general. I CANNOT recommend highly enough that even if you don’t listen to the rest of the podcast, you at least listen to the lunar interludes, bc it looks like that’s where they’re cutting out the most meat.

highlights from this lunar interlude (ep 28. Lunar Interlude II - Internal Affairs) include:

voidfish bonding time. so good. so good. a truly iconic, unmissable moment. if nothing else, listen to this.

they have to bring cpt cpt bane’s stuff down for the rites of rememberance (aka johann chucks his life story into the tank so it can get erased while the boys awkwardly try to eulogize about this guy who tried to kill them)

lucas is there and they meet him and hate him instantly. he leaves.

they say hi to the voidfish and it sings to them!

johann is like ‘it usually doesn’t sing like that’

and then magnus puts a hand on the glass and it puts a tentacle back...it’s so beautiful.

pringles has been thrown in the brig :/

the boys get a promotion! new quarters!

angus joins up with the BOB for the first time and the boys say hello to him again (with appropriate bullying)

quality gachapon (goshapon? gawshupon?) antics w leon. they get

defender’s dial - magnus

cloak of the manta ray - taako

physician’s pendant - merle (you will never hear about this magic item again)

first use of the official fantasy costco jingle. within the clutches of the costco...

the first appearance of the Flaming Raging Poisoning Sword of Doom. 

magnus gets the Shield of Heroic Memories and the Glutton’s fork (which is never used in the gn for good reason) but has to sell back his old shield signed in blood to afford them

merle gets the nitpicker, the phone-a-friend scrying bones, and a rusty can of cheerwine which he drinks, raising his max hp by 5 points.

taako gets the immovable rod, the plastic sheriff’s badge, and the anti-gravity sphere, and trades back the gustmaster 5000. this will be a minor plot hole later.

some of this bleeds into the beginning of crystal kingdom but no major spoilers.

plus, i wanted to make a list of things that are different so the boys don’t get sued by wizards of the coast (the dnd people). it’s mostly spell names, but also klaarg is actually in the lost mines of phandelver, the box campaign that the first arc started out as.

anyway here’s all the ones I noticed at least. formatted like: gn name = dnd name


UPDATE: made a more comprehensive post

g’nash = klaarg

haverdale = phandalin

shuffle jump = blink

dampen elements = absorb elements

blast of fire = scorching ray

magic rope = rope trick

sleepy-time = sleep

clair-vision = clairvoyance

diminish size = reduce

the spell is enlarge/reduce, and later on they use “enlarge” with no trouble - why is it “diminish size” here???

spirit steed = phantom steed

ethereal weapon = spiritual weapon

gout of flames = fireball

blessings of the cherubim = prayer of healing

concussive force = concussive blast(?)

Taako just magic missiles the boar in the podcast

they probably wanted to spice things up a bit since magic missile kind of has a Brand.

Concussive blast is a real 3rd level evocation spell that taako would’ve been able to cast, it just doesn’t actually happenin the podcast

levitate is still levitate

how is that one ok but “sleep” has to be “sleepy-time”??

zone of truth is still zone of truth, idk how they got away with that one

destroy undead is a toughie

it’s technically not a spell, it’s a use of channel divinity, at while at first it’s called turn undead, when you reach level 5 you get to automatically destroy any low-level undead (each time you level up you can destroy one level up of undead), so the ability is called destroy undead from that point onward, but you still do the turning bit too.

it doesn’t say the name, but on pg 123 taako casts “crown of madness” on the gerbil guy, which is a Horrifying spell

the crickets cast “dominate person” to control taako in case anyone’s interested. 


welp that oughta be enough bonus content for 18 years. we’ll see if I get a job this summer before writing the next one lol

[edoro]

Honestly, I don't think Odalia would get custody just bc the kids would ask for literally any other arrangement & they're old enough that their wants HAVE to be considered. That doesn't mean Alador would get custody/of all of them. The twins might sue for emancipation (+Amity depending on how long things take), they might be sent to a relative/family friend/foster home (+-Alador getting visitation), they might age out of it even being an issue. Odalia would be on the hook for child support tho.

i got a series of asks to this effect a little while ago and i totally forgot to respond to them - no idea if you're the same anon or if two people have the same opinion, but! i will respond now.

i... don't really agree, tbh.

i mean, ultimately, we're talking about a fantasy scenario regarding a cartoon, and i agree that like, if canon actually addresses the whole divorce issue (iffy because i think that's kind of a no-no in kid's cartoons, even though, you know, many kids' parents are in fact divorced) then the most likely thing to happen is that either Alador gets them or it's a split custody situation, because Odalia is in fact a nightmare person.

so i don't want it to come across like i begrudge anyone their headcanons - if you prefer to think about the scenario where Alador gets custody or the twins file for emancipation and then take Amity in or whatever, then feel free to do that, it's not my job or place to police your headcanons.

however SINCE you brought it to my askbox i am gonna go ahead and respond with what i think is likely here

and frankly i... don't really think that the twins or Amity stating a preference is necessarily going to have that much influence. i mean, it just really depends on a lot of different factors.

there are a lot of things that a judge takes into consideration here - who can provide best for the kids materially, who can provide best for the kids emotionally, who offers them the greatest continuity of lifestyle/education/etc - basically what's least disruptive and lets them keep living as close to how they've been living, who's most involved in the kids' lives, who overall seems like the most competent and fit parent, who has it together the most during court appearances and legal precedings, etc etc...

'what the kids want' is a factor, sure, but it's just one and frankly, in most cases, it just is not going to actually matter that much.

like, we know Odalia is a nightmare person. emotional abuse is really hard to prove in a legal sense, though, even when it's something obvious like screaming, verbal abuse, overt and intentional cruelty, etc. Odalia's abuse is very subtle and insidious and very, very easy for her to spin as Just Caring About Her Children And Wanting What's Best For Them.

even moreso than in a lot of cases like this, it's going to come down to he-said she-said, and Alador is not going to come off looking good here.

like, from the point of view of a judge, what we have here is one parent who has been extremely involved in the kids' lives up until now - extracurriculars, friends, school stuff, coven tryouts; pushing them to perform well in school, succeed socially, getting them involved in the family business, arranging playdates, buying clothes, keeping an eye on their school performance, involved with the PTA, etc etc

and one parent who spends the majority of his time in the lab and is so uninvolved in his kids' lives that he didn't even know one of his kids was dating someone

and the parent with the known track record of being involved in the kids' lives is also the one with the business, resources, and money, so she's the one who can keep the kids in the lifestyle to which they're accustomed. leaving her custody would mean leaving their house, it might mean leaving their school - these are very disruptive for kids!

like you're kind of looking at it from the pov of what we, as the viewers know, but that's not necessarily what the judge is going to see, know, or believe. if Alador wants primary custody, then Odalia is most likely going to fight him for it, and i think she has a lot of ammunition for proving that he's not as fit, attentive, or involved a parent as she is AND the ability to spin her own controlling emotional abuse as just being a caring, concerned mother who maybe took it too far and became a bit overbearing and didn't realize the effect it was having on her kids.

as for the twins filing for emancipation, i mean... i look at that and i think, 'on what grounds?'

they can claim emotional abuse, sure, that's definitely going on, but again, it's hard to prove. are they really going to be able to prove to a judge that they'll be better off living on their own, independently financially supporting themselves - much less having legal custody of their little sister - than with Odalia?

i can't say what that process is like in any other country, but in most places in the US (which is where i live and therefore where my knowledge of how this works is based), a minor who files for emancipation has to prove that they have an income and either already have or can quickly get a separate place to live, and if their parent won't agree then they have to be able to prove that they need to be emancipated. it isn't just something you can do on a whim. they can't just say "hey, i don't like living with mom, so release her from her legal obligations to me."

there are kids all over the country and the world who are being forced into custody arrangements they don't want. there are kids who are forced, by courts, to live with or visit parents who are physically and/or sexually and/or emotionally abusive far, far beyond what we've seen Odalia do in canon - things that are much easier to prove and much more widely accepted as types of abuse in the first place, and there are still kids who, with all available evidence, with their own preferences being stated, with their other parent arguing that it's not safe for them to be in their abusive parent's custody, are forced into those situations.

it happens a lot. sometimes it doesn't! sometimes kids and parents get lucky. cultural ideas of what is or isn't abuse, gender roles/sex politics, class politics, what the age of majority is, etc etc all of these impact how a judge is going to view the situation.

but, i mean, what i think is likely to happen here and the scenario i like to consider is very much based in the experiences i've had and the experiences my friends have had and the experiences i have seen many, many, many people talk about having. it's simply not at all universally true that the kids' wishes will be held above everything else, and it's very easy and very common for an abusive parent to make themselves look good and the other parent look bad -

in fact, as we see with Odalia and Alador, part of her abuse has been making sure he isn't very involved with the kids, isn't very reliable, doesn't look very well-kept (because he's exhausted and overworked and barely has time to recover from illnesses), and overall is just going to come off looking bad in comparison to her if he ever tries to challenge her. she's going to be able to keep her cool way easier than he is if it comes down to it.

this is a common tactic by abusers! the person most able to keep their cool and act logical and rational and calm in a situation like this is not often going to be the victim! the victim is probably going to come across as being weird, overly or inappropriately emotional, inconsistent, and just generally a mess, because they're fucked up and traumatized and being manipulated and abused. no one is at their best in that situation.

and when it comes down to two people going up in front of a judge to try and decide who gets primary custody of their three children, how well someone comes across, how together they seem, how calm they can be, how 'reasonable' they seem, how involved they've been, how well they can provide for the kids, who just overall seems like they're going to be able to provide the most stable and least disruptive environment for the children - all of those things are, generally, going to be given more weight than the kids' preferences.

that's just based on my observations here. unfortunately being a kid kind of sucks and it's very easy for abusive parents to maintain control over their children, and the specific ways that Odalia is abusive are incredibly hard to prove.

so, sure, Alador could end up with primary custody, or the twins could end up emancipated and with custody of Amity, but i just don't think either of those things are anywhere near as likely as Odalia getting primary custody.

[gay-snom]

contextualizing lwj’s coming to terms with his feelings subplot!

i wanna talk about the role of confucianism in this subplot because i think it’s something some western fans might not pick up on. basically, the sociopolitical climate of confucianism in his character arc, and a little bit about his interaction with the public image theme.

disclaimer: i’m not chinese but i do have a double minor in chinese and asian studies and have written a few papers on confucianism.

we’re gonna be talking about the novel bc i feel its a little more in-depth and nuanced than lwj’s “what is black, what is white” monologue in cql. namely the tension and misunderstanding in wwx’s first life and how lwj got his scars. i feel like it’s pretty well accepted that wwx made lwj reconsider his world view, so i’m just gonna expand on it. also i want to point out it's pretty unspoken in most of the text, but lwj is also affected by/used to explore the public image themes, as his image the is ideal confucian scholar.

confucianism is centered around the ideas of how to behave “good” in sociopolitical contexts. basically it boils down to a belief system on how society should be run. if everyone follows confucian beliefs, you will have an ideal society. the main text is the Analects, which you can read here. it’s been around for a few thousand years (like around 200 BCE ish), had a huge revival in the tang dynasty (618-907 CE). it was put on imperial exams, the emperor’s cabinet had confucian scholars, etc. this is just to say confucian values are important to historic society, especially upper-class scholars, which seems to be a role cultivators commonly fill in xianxia. here are some basic tenants:

being a gentleman/scholar/superior man (君子 jūn zǐ) : partly being learned in the arts, literature, music, poetry, etc., mostly behaving righteously and dutifully.

filial piety: usually described as obedience. it's not simply obeying everything elders tell you, it includes doing it with reverence and thankfulness for their sacrifices for you.

leading by example: if leaders/the government is righteous, the people will follow. lwj has his flock of juniors that are all strong cultivators and the lan sect is just generally known for being moral and good.

rites/rituals: a focus on politeness and holding proper ceremonies, sacrifices, and funerals

speech: there’s some great meta about the register he speaks in here, i just want to touch on think carefully before you speak, only speak sincerely, etc.

tldr; lwj is THE perfect gentleman (even his title contains the character suffix 君 -jūn, like lxc. which, while this character is not uncommon for cultivator titles, it wasn’t chosen carelessly either. also not to be confused with 尊 -zūn). seriously, look at almost all of book 10 and you'll see don't do/consume in excess, don't talk during meals, sit only when your mat is straight, etc.

okay, so Why is understanding his feelings for wwx so troublesome?

1.2 "They are few who, being filial and fraternal, are fond of offending against their superiors. There have been none, who, not liking to offend against their superiors, have been fond of stirring up confusion... Filial piety and fraternal submission! - are they not the root of all benevolent actions?"

in other words, people who are filial will never create political tension. so like, morally, wwx should be considered horrible person! he’s not only snubbed the jiang sect. he was a head disciple who undoubtedly had younger students looking up to him. and then he goes and stirs up some huge political issues! he is now a bad role model for the people below him and disrespected the people above him. lwj has an entire image to uphold, he has poured his entire life into following these rules and beliefs, and then wwx comes along. would continuing to be in wwx's life taint lwj? there are some contradicting teachings in regards to interacting with wwx:

15.4: "Do not take counsel with those who follow a different Way"

15.28: "When the multitude hates a person, you must examine them and judge for yourself. The same holds true for someone whom the multitude love."

15.36 "When it comes to being Good, defer to no one, not even your teacher."

this is part of the reason lwj had so much trouble accepting his feelings. he didn’t know how to handle this situation, making him appear distant during/directly after sunshot. if he judges wwx's intentions to be pure, it's then not wrong to be friendly with him. but wwx still is morally wrong by society's standards. now, lwj has to not only figure out his feelings, but also reconcile this with how he still thinks wwx is Not a bad person, despite everything. what if he does get "tainted" by wwx? will it hurt the reputation of his sect? that would be un-filial, right? he spent his whole life memorizing rules that are probably extremely similar to sections in the Analects, and now these mixed messages (coupled with the relatable gay panic) are overwhelming.

onto the next! there’s something unspoken in the scene where wwx discovers why lwj has the whip scars. as other posts have mentioned, lwj taking wwx back to the burial mounds and nursing him is high treason. however, this action is also extremely un-filial. also his entire image is built around being a perfect gentleman, if this were to get out to the public he would lose absolutely everything. he would be just as irreparable as wwx.

“I was worried if those from another sect found you first, WangJi would be considered your accomplice. The best scenario was his name being forever tainted, and the worst was his life being taken away right then. Thus, along with Uncle, we chose thirty three seniors who had always thought highly of WangJi... ”

there’s no way lwj didn’t know what would happen if he did this. obviously as lxc says, if this got out, he would lose basically his entire face. and even though lxc didn’t mention this, it would definitely lose a lot of face for the lan sect as well since lwj is so prominent. the decision about what elders to bring is also notable.

“...As if he knew all along he would be discovered by us, he said that there was nothing to explain, that this was it. Growing up, he had never talked back to Uncle, not even once. But for you, not only did WangJi talk back to him, he even met with his sword the cultivators from the Gusu Lan sect...”

so yeah, he obviously knew they would come for him and what the consequences would be. and he still talked back! that’s already not a good look for the lan sect. but attacking them? totally unforgivable! lwj gives up how he was raised and the importance of filial piety, what he has held on to until this major plot event. since it's basically the biggest "fuck you" to his uncle and his clan, this was not a decision he made lightly. lwj shows them he cares more about wwx and His Own ideas of right and wrong than the sect’s or society’s.

Wei WuXian dug his hands into his hair, “...I-I didn’t know... I really...”

when was the last time wwx was at a loss for words? wwx spends a few paragraphs after this lamenting how he hurt lwj, but he's not unaware of the gravity of what lwj did. it's an underlying assumption from being raised in the culture. i would argue his first instinct is "oh god he gave up what for me?" since those lamenting paragraphs are after lxc finishes speaking.

"But he said... that he could not say with certainty whether what you did was right or wrong..."

this is something thrown around a lot in the Analects, that not even confucius can say for sure what is right or wrong. what better way to show lwj is still a perfect confucian than have him paraphrase confucius himself?

“...WangJi was a model for the disciples when he was young, and a prominent cultivator when he grew up. In his whole life he had been honest and righteous and immaculate--you were the only mistake he made!”

here’s the confirmation that the world and even his family thinks of him as a perfect gentleman, the top tier of society, and it was all thrown away for wwx. this is just so heavy. the mistake thing? thats not only because lwj is fraternizing with an enemy. lxc and the rest of the sect who knew are terrified this will forever corrupt lwj personally, not just publicly. lwj was so devoted to believing this was the right thing to do he offered up everything he had. the gravity of this decision is insane. it’s very obvious that he loves wwx, it’s just that he struggles a lot internally to accept everything that is happening.

as for helping wwx leave after the massacre, is this gentleman-ly of lwj? was it actually in-line with his image? is it more honorable to save someone who is dying, at the cost of your own health, than to look away? isn't looking away a form of resentment? i wasn't able to find a specific passage about bystander-ness, but personally i think it qualifies as "bad intentions." there is also this passage for what it's worth, originally it was about government suppression:

12.19: "...What do you say to killing the unprincipled for the good of the principled?" Confucius replied, "...why should you use killing at all?..."

lwj is always more actions than words, and he was not fucking around. his core beliefs really haven't changed, and remain very strong throughout his life. he is still righteous enough to accept his punishment, graceful enough to search for wwx's body since there was no one else to do the funeral rites (10.22/10.15), caring enough to take in a-yuan, upright enough to still spend his years going where the chaos is.

just with this one action, the audience knows he has come to terms with realizing that authority isn't always just, and neither is the public opinion/opinion of other gentlemen. he has reconciled. this is him standing for what he believes is right. this is his devotion. this is his own choice. just. poetic cinema...

anyway that's it for my first meta post! i would love to hear your thoughts, feelings, opinions, discussions, other meta ideas, whatever! thank u for reading! <3

[blackradandmad]

why blippi is rotting yr children's brains

preface: i literally expect no one to read this. it is an essay length, strong opinion piece critiquing a niche youtube-based children's show that i don't expect most of y'all to even have knowledge of lol. but like, i promise that even if you know nothing about what i'm talking about, in my incredibly, super humble opinion, it's a good piece of writing and interesting nonetheless. anyway if you read this whole thing for some reason yr really hot and we should kiss.

i thoroughly vet everything my child watches before he watches it, episode by episode. and we rarely watch youtube for entertainment; we usually just look up educational videos when he has a question about something and wants more detail than i can provide him. and that's mainly because children's content on youtube is so fucking troubling and distressing. i don't judge parents who give their children a tablet at a restaurant at all bc i've been there and sometimes it's easier on everyone to just put on a video and avoid a giant scene, but i do judge parents who just leave their children alone with youtube kids on autoplay.

take stevin john, a literal millionaire who got famous from dressing up as a silly character called blippi and going on tours of places like aquariums, zoos, construction sites, etc and posting it on youtube. this has branched into a whole empire of blippi videos, hulu shows and specials, live shows and tours (that he outsources to another character actor), merchandise and so on. this 30-something year old man cites his main influence as being mr. rogers, but i question if he's ever even seen an episode of that program.

mr. rogers had no background in early childhood development or media production, but he revolutionized the world of children's media, because he respected his audience and didn't shy away from real world situations, all while creating a show with an enormous heart. mr. rogers begins his episodes by inviting the viewer in, literally changing his attire to be more comfortable, and talking about/doing things he genuinely cares about. whereas mr. rogers calmly and maturely addresses the viewer, blippi puts on a high pitched, contrived voice, interjecting every other sentence with a forced exclamation such as, "teehee! we're having so much fun!"

i don't find it a coincidence that john (blippi) is a veteran, either. his videos are completely devoid of the absurd, abstract, childlike thinking that makes children's media fun, creative, and entertaining. his thinking and process is methodical, devoid of emotion, and very superficial. this line of thinking clearly shows the kind of creative sterilization and emphasis on sameness and conformity instilled in the military. blippi simply observes things and interacts with them in a stale, matter-of-fact way. "this ball is purple! this ball is pink! anyway... what's over there? teehee! a car! vroom, vroom!" objects are colors, toy cars don't do anything but drive, curiosity is simply not encouraged.

he uses the "it's educational!" excuse to hide the fact that his show lacks everything that makes media a valuable resource for children to consume in the first place. further than identifying colors, numbers, and the occasional letter or shape, there is just this total lack of children's need for social and emotional development. when mr. rogers breaks the fourth wall to address the viewer and let them know they're special, it feels authentic and natural, because we've spent the last half hour building whole worlds with diverse characters and unique stories in a pretend neighborhood, learning about and enjoying different musical instruments, being exposed to and making friends with (even if parasocially, it is still a real bond to children when done properly) children who are similar to us in character regardless of physical or environmental differences, feeding the fish, making art together, and so on. when blippi tells the viewer, "you are very special, and i enjoy spending time with you!" it falls completely flat and feels unearned, because the last half hour was spent running around a soft play center pointing at bright, colorful objects, visiting interesting locations like farms or fruit production factories while failing to acknowledge the humanity of the humans actually working there (everything is machine or product focused; the human workers are simply an extension of the machine), learning "fun facts" about elephants that just list attributes of elephants, not taking the opportunity to inform the viewers of elephants' intelligence, or diet, or matriarchal society. it is a loud, sensory overwhelming display of a man so disconnected from the social and emotional needs and desires of children that he assumes they're stupid, easily entertained idiots who only need some silly dances and fast-moving cartoon graphics to give their attention (meaning time and desire to purchase products meaning $$$). john clearly views his audience as a means to gaming the algorithm and ultimately a paycheck by the hollow way he addresses them.

the show is so narcissistic, so focused on all the fun blippi is supposedly having, but he lacks any of the character traits that make individual children's show hosts memorable, so much so that he was able to have someone else who doesn't even vaguely resemble him dress as blippi and impersonate him and host the show or appear at live shows, and it went unnoticed by most of his toddler and child audience. the show is so formulaic and the character of blippi is so unmemorable that instead of taking the blue's clues route of developing a story of the host leaving for college and his brother now stepping in, or making some sort of believable excuse for the change in actors, they can simply swap him out with some random guy and not acknowledge it at all. although a comedy show for older children, the amanda show in no way could or would try to replicate the show with the same name but swapping out amanda bynes with a random teenage girl who is clearly not amanda bynes. it's weird and nonsensical and shows that his character is so much of a farce put on for a paycheck that not even his dedicated audience is affected or even cares when he is replaced by a random, unknown person.

this is completely garbage content made by an opportunist with no experience with children who saw his nephew watching children's youtube content, took it at complete surface level and still hasn't realized that while children's content only looks and feels so easy, entertaining, and enriching because it is so hard to do well. even with outsourcing his music, that aspect of the show still sucks. famous and successful children's musician, raffi, is known for his song describing the life of a little white whale, called "baby beluga." it opens with a calm strumming of his guitar, followed by the lyrics, "baby beluga in the deep blue sea/swim so wild and you swim so free/heaven above/sea below/and a little white whale on the go." is it silly and kind of pointless? yes, but the point is that he is captivating children and showing them the fun of listening to music, dancing, singing, and appreciating art. the "excavator song" featured in an episode of blippi about construction vehicles opens with what sounds like a default garageband loop and the flatly sung lyrics, "i'm an excavator/i'm an excavator/hey dirt, see you later/i'm an excavator." i don't feel i have to meticulously analyze the aforementioned lyrics; the stark contrast should speak for itself.

i have a million more criticisms about both blippi specifically and youtube children's content as a whole, but this is already so long and i doubt many people will get this far anyway. it's an issue i was completely apathetic towards until i had my own child and had to wean him off these kinds of junk food shows because i realized the fast-paced visuals and bright colors and repetitive songs/lyrics were putting him in this spaced-out, fugue state, and he thought he could demand this show or that show whenever he wanted. the moment he started regularly yelling things like, "watch! cars!" or "no! click it!" i knew i had to be a lot more invested in the things he watched even if just for entertainment or as a soothing message. i showed him an episode of mr. rogers yesterday and feared it would be too slow to hold his attention, but he was mesmerized, greeting and interacting with mr. rogers verbally, asking me, "what's that?" to different objects on the screen. since purging this low-brow children's entertainment, he has had a noticeable increase in attention span and concentration, can focus on a task for longer amounts of times, is more likely to "read"/look through books without me initiating it, and doesn't throw a fit when the tv/my laptop is off.

i just know that for me, growing up with so much unsupervised internet access definitely led me to real-world pain and consequences, and it seems like now children are born with an iphone as an extension of their arm. if my child is going to be consuming videos, i'm definitely supervising every second and am going to be highly critical of the videos and the credentials (or lack thereof) of the creators and team behind it. but i also know, from pure observation admittedly, that parents letting youtube kids autoplay parent their children for hours at a time is not an uncommon occurrence. and it worries me that a generation of children are being raised on videos that rely on being as loud and bright and superficially enjoyable as possible. what's the use of a child knowing their colors and alphabet if they don't know how to treat people with kindness and empathy and respect? there is something wrong for a children's show host to plug the spelling of his name at the end of his videos ("well, that's the end of this video. but if you wanna watch more of my videos, just type in my name! can you spell my name with me? b-l-i-p-p-i!") after essentially rotting his audiences' brains for a half hour. there's something so insidious about the prioritization of naming different parts of construction vehicles over honest depictions of and conversations about dealing with feelings, or why someone with autism may act differently than you, or what to do when you feel lonely, or ways to make art and express yrself creatively. also, not to mention the blatant police propaganda and outright worship is seriously jarring; as a black mother to a visibly non-white child, i cannot sit there and watch blippi show kids how to be a bootlicker for the shittiest profession on earth, but that could be a whole essay in and of itself.

anyway, thanks for reading, if yr looking for quality children's content, i recommend, in no specific order: mr. rogers, sesame street, the electric company, molly of denali, daniel tiger, bluey!, blue's clues, the odd squad, word party, trash truck, puffin rock, uhh... that's definitely not an extensive list but that's just off the dome!!! ok bye y'all <333

[adorethedistance]

City Slicker, Cowboyfriend - Owen Joyner x Reader

JATP masterlist

Warnings: Swearing, nerves, mentions of covid.

Words: 2163

Summary: You’re starting to have doubts about moving all the way to Norman until a shopping trip to Ikea turns into the meet-cute you’ve been waiting for.

A/n: This isn’t a request or one of my Valentines day fics, this is just something that I have had stuck in my head ever since Owen posted this on IG and bc I’m facing total writers block with my other pieces I cranked this one out in a few hours to get the ball rolling again. Hopefully. Enjoy this totally unproofed, fluffy madness!! (Because who doesn’t need more Owen content in their life?)

There are perks to moving and one of them is undoubtedly: shopping. For furniture, home decor, kitchen utensils, whatever! Granted, shopping alone can be tedious and, for some, like pulling teeth, thus, I’ve enlisted the help of my best friends Leila and Chelsea. I didn’t even have to bribe them to come because everyone loves getting lost in Ikea. It’s one of the best things about the human experience.

“It’s been so long since I’ve been in an Ikea,” Leila says to no one in particular as we walk through the onslaught of staged bedrooms.

“What?! Are you telling me you don’t get meatballs and lawn chairs on a weekly basis?” My exaggeration makes Leila laugh as she steps into one of the display kitchens. Looking between me and Chelsea she asks,

“What would you do if I turned the handle then a jet of water sprayed out?”

“Die, I guess.”

The three of us continue through the faux house displays and past the mattresses despite Leila’s urge to jump on every single one. As we walk through the section of different lighting features, I sigh with a frown as I think about college. I changed my bachelor’s to an associate’s so I could graduate in two years. Chelsea’s parents moved out here at the end of our senior year in high school, and she moved with them to study in Norman. Leila in turn went to Arizona for an athletic physical therapy gig, leaving me to face college alone in L.A.. In the two years the three of us were apart, we missed each other more and more, and after determining which of the three states we lived in was cheapest, we packed up and headed East. Covid kind of delayed our plans. But after a few months, I picked Leila up from Arizona and together we chased open job opportunities into Norman, Oklahoma. The three of us found an apartment space to live in together and thus, we ended up in Ikea on this fine Sunday afternoon.

Snapping back into reality I see Leila standing directly under a light that’s hanging very low from the ceiling. Once standing directly underneath it, she pulls down her mask and opens her mouth, rising to her toes to eat the fixture.

“Leila, don’t you dare fellate that light bulb! You’re gonna get us kicked out.”

I swear I’m practically their mom when it comes to behaving in public. Figuring they can’t hurt themselves in the college dorm section, I lead them quickly through it and into the giant furniture warehouse section. On the far wall, I see a large poster of a couple smiling brightly behind Chelsea, but I don’t bother to read the text. Leila and I spot the poster at the same time, and the imagery jogs her memory.

“Chelsea, how’s Hunter? Haven’t heard from him slash about him in like a week,” she asks about Chelsea’s boyfriend of a year.

“Oh, yeah, he tore a ligament in his wrist.”

“What?!”

“Yeah, I guess he moved it wrong or something and put too much stress on the area that it just tore. He was moving hay bales into the horse stables.”

“As opposed to the chicken stables,” Leila judges under her breath, which makes me snicker as a result.

“I still can’t believe you’re dating a literal cowboy,” I interject, “Like, I know we’re in Oklahoma, and he’s from Tennessee, but we saw Texas on the way out here and that’s cowboy country. Norman seems more...” I trail off in search of delicate phrasing.

“Just barely marry your cousin territory, but still downing chewing tobacco whilst driving a lifted truck?” Leila hits the nail squarely on the head.

“Yeah, that sounds about right-” Before I can continue giving my thoughts on Norman, I cut myself off at the sound of laughter behind me.

“Sorry. We weren’t trying to eavesdrop, that was just really funny.” When I turn around, I see a guy roughly our age dressed in all black with bleach-blonde hair, speaking through light, broken laughter.

“No worries,” I dismiss the apology as we pass by one another, and out from the dressers section. The three of us continue into the different sections, and come to a stop once I see we’re exactly where we need to be: dining room shit!

“Cowboy boyfriends aside- oh my gosh: cowboy boyfriends. Cowboyfriends,” I say getting lost in my new terminology. Both of my friends share a mix of laughter and gasps and my ingeniousness. “Anyway. Cowboyfriends aside, how is Avery?” I ask Leila who begins blushing madly.

“She’s really good. We were just making plans for our three year anniversary, which reminds me to tell y’all I’m flying back to Phoenix to surprise her.”

“Awwww,” I nearly tear up and the sweet image of Leila and her girlfriend reuniting, “Y’all are so cute. Both of you and your partners. You know, being the only single friend in this group has made life suck a lot. Y’all are so happy and in love and not dead inside. Honestly? Get fucked both of you.” Despite my harsh words, the three of us break into a lighthearted conglomerate of laughter.

“We’ll find you someone… eventually.” Leila pretends she also can’t hear the last part of her sentence despite being the one saying it.

“I know, but I don’t think it’s in the cards for me to find love in Norman. I don’t need a cowboyfriend, and we’re not gonna find a true city slicker here either.”

When I finish my statement, I see our blonde friend seems to have followed us. I observe he comes to a stop in front of another guy in a flannel with a shopping cart. The way they jump into conversation with one another parallels the animated body language Leila, Chelsey, and I share. I continue to watch their exchange as Chelsea speaks up.

“Maybe you need someone right down the middle.”

“Yeah, like a guy who drives a truck but uses it to transport Ikea furniture instead of a whole ass tree that he’ll carve into a chair.” A small laugh escapes my lips, at both Leila’s statement, and the scene ahead of Blondie pretending to strangle his friend over something. I’m snapped out of my nosy yet endeared stare as a third guy appears. He’s a sandy blonde with billowing locks tucked under a trucker hat. And he came from behind me and my two friends to place something in their cart which keeps his back toward me. When he turns back around, my mind goes blank. Any thoughts of shopping for dining room chairs has left my mind. He is wearing a face mask, but he has such nice eyes that he could have a giraffe snout under the mask for all I care. I see him look up from the shelves, directly into my eyes. We stay locked for a moment before he breaks away and turns to his friends. I slowly turn to my friends too who are both giving me the exact same look of excitement and conspiracy.

“He’s really cute,” I sigh out with a laugh, swooning much louder than I’d have preferred.

“He has a face mask on,” Leila points out, her expression dropping from excited to cynical.

“Still! I can just tell.”

“Girl, what are you doing? Talk to him!” Chelsea whisper-shrieks.

“Shhh, I cannot take you anywhere!”

Glancing back at the handsome stranger, we connect eyes once more and I feel my face heat furiously as I realize he was already looking at me. I’m the first to break; I consult my friends for the best course of action and as I’m turned 180 to face them, Chelsea starts pretending to hyperventilate excitedly. Leila looks over my shoulder for me, discreetly surveying the other trio in the dining chairs aisle.

“Don’t look now, but he’s talking to his friends and looking between them and you.” I can hear in her voice she’s trying her best not to smile despite wearing a face mask.

“Should I give him my number?”

“Yes!”

“What are you waiting for?”

“I’m nervous! What if he’s gay?”

“Will you just get over there? I promise you a gay man would not be wearing what he’s wearing right now. Maybe a lesbian,” Leila adds for good measure.

“You guys are freaking me out, I need you to leave so I know you’re not judging my flirting.” I shoo my best friends out of the aisle as inconspicuous as possible. Kinda wish blondie would’ve done the same because when I turn back around, the other trio hasn’t moved and the only one looking at me is the one in all black. He quickly averts his eyes though and I take one last deep breath before walking over to the stranger. I tilt my chin up ever so slightly to fake a sense of confidence that I unmistakably don’t have right now.

“Hey.” Really, Y/n? Hey??

“Hey,” he greets back breathily. Why is he nervous? I’m the one who gets to be nervous! Man, he’s really cute. I can’t fuck this one up. I’m not doing so stellar right now. Perhaps you should say something else, dipshit?

“Uhm,” I should’ve scripted this. “I just wanted to say that-” You’ve got this. Don’t be a bummer. “I-uh, I think you’re really cute and I was wondering if I could give you my number?” My speech is slow, each word deliberate in spite of the fact that I feel like I’m having an out of body experience right now. I’m not the one in control of the words that are coming out of my mouth.

Upon realizing why I walked over, blondie’s friends take the question as a sign to leave and less than inconspicuously back away from the two of us. Trucker hat spares them one last glance over his left shoulder and judging by the look flannel gives him, they were definitely talking about me in their team huddle.

“Uh, yeah. I was gonna ask for your instagram- if you have one, that is.”

“I’m cool with both.” The two of us reach for our phones and unlock them with anxious hands. I move to hand him my phone with instagram open, and he trades me for his which has a new contact open. I type my name and put my favorite heart emoji next to it after triple checking the number is correct. Wow, you’re just so ballsy today, Y/n!!!!! I give him back the phone, scanning the instagram account he’s just opened and followed for me. I hear him exhale a little harder as a small laugh and can only imagine it’s from the stupid heart emoji.

“Owen,” I say in a hushed, endeared voice, fully not intending to say it out loud. “You have a million followers?! Oh, you’re an actor. OH… You’re an actor.” I really don’t need to be speaking my entire thought process right now in the middle of this Ikea. Exhaling a small laugh of my own, I see we already have a small bunch of mutuals, one of which is… Chelsea??? Looking up from my phone I turn around to see Chelsea and Leila watching the interaction from around the corner of one of the industrial shelves.

In the flurry of scattered likes, I see him find my account and follow me back. I accept the request, nervous of what he thinks of me without a face mask on. What do I think of him without a face mask on? Going back to his account, seeing his entire face is even better than just his eyes. I was right, Leila: he is cute.

“You’re really pretty,” I hear him almost sigh as he combs through the grid of my account. The comment makes my heart beat all the much faster and I finally look upward to get a glimpse of Owen in the flesh. Still as beautiful as the last time I checked!

Sparing a quick glance over my shoulder, he looks back down at me and laughs,

“I think your friends got tired of waiting.”

“I think yours did, too.” The other members of our trios come back into the aisle we had kicked them from more or less two minutes ago. We connect eyes once more and stare longingly, wordlessly at one another, so lost in each other’s beauty our friends have to break up the staring contest of infatuation.

“Y/n?” I hear Leila behind me.

“Uh, well, I have to get back to chair shopping, but- text me later?”

“For sure.”

“For sure,” I mimic his voice.

“Guess I’ll see you later. Y/n.”

“Yeah.” And with that, we’re pulled apart by our respective best friends, through the vast expanse of the Norman Ikea.

“What was that?” Chelsea asks, excitedly linking arms with me.

“I don’t know I- Wait, you have some explaining to do!”

*** 

Taglist: @caitsymichelle13 @kaitlyn2907 @itz-jas @crybabyddl @kcd15 @kinda-really-lost @calamitykaty @morganayennefertyrell @n0wornever @dream-a-little-bigger-x @mrstodorooki @vicesvsvirturesfanfic @curlybrownhairedboys @amazinggracy @kaitieskidmore1 @asdfghjkl-fanfics​ @ghostlygreenbean @juliefromaustralia @merceret​ @jemimah-b99 @ifilwtmfc @thesweetestsinner​ @imsydneywalker @lovesanimals @thebloodthirstyvampress @bumbleberry-pie @losers-club6 @tefilovesreading​ @dmcfarland1@joynerxmercer @kexrtiz @talk-on-the-street @phantompogues @konciousdreamer @sunsetcurvej @warmnesss0ul @lilyjoyner 

[poetrusicperry]

the poets and their first summer jobs

i’ve seen some discourse about how rich all the boys/their families are, and of course there would be like very little reason for them to work, but i couldn’t help wondering who would do what for their first jobs (summer jobs bc they couldn’t work while they’re at school). andddd that led me to writing this lol

neil: so neil would have like absolutely zero time for a job between all his normal coursework/extracurriculars and his summer classes (”you know me, always taking on too much”), but i guarantee you he would still take the time to get a job and have his own money to do with whatever he chose. mr. perry wouldn’t care much because it showed neil “taking initiative” or whatever. neil would likely work at a diner as either a bus boy or a waiter. he’s super personable, so he’d always strike up conversations with people sitting at the counter, and he’d get loads of tips bc he’s cute (: he’d bring his summer school work with him to do during lulls in business, which his boss didn’t mind because it’s neil and everyone knows how responsible he is. the poets would come visit him pretty much every day (to eat, see neil, and escape the heat in the air conditioning), likely taking up a whole booth, and making an absolute mess of the area. charlie would be making spitballs, aiming at cameron and knox every time (earning a “charlie, knock it off, i told you three times already! so mature of you, really.” from cameron) and meeks/pitts would try to see how many straws they could connect to make “ultra straw.” todd would come hang out at the counter when neil was closing, admiring his pretty bf as he worked (’: neil would always make todd a chocolate milkshake with whipped cream and rainbow jimmies on the house, claiming, “we have to empty out the ice cream machine anyway” (but really he’d take the cost out of his paycheck, just wanting to make todd happy). his boss would hire him back every summer, loving how much business neil drove in (even if the poets made a mess every time they hung out and ate) and absolutely adoring how much effort neil put into what anyone else would seemingly call a “meaningless” job.

todd: you can’t tell me that todd wouldn’t look forward to working. especially during the summers, it would get him out of the house and away from his parents judging his every move. being the shy introvert he is, he’d likely do things like mowing lawns or gardening for people around his neighborhood. minimal interactions, but still decent pay (as all the people in his neighborhood were likely super rich and could afford to pay him well). the poets’ parents would hire him, after much convincing from their sons (”todd’s just trying to make some money, dad. please?”) and todd would appreciate this more than they ever knew. he’d become super familiar with flower types and he’d become a lot more nurturing after taking care of plants and grass for multiple summers. he’d keep a little journal or notebook with drawings or sketches of the flowers he’d taken care of, complete with descriptions and magazine/newspaper clippings from his mom’s better homes and garden subscription (a lot of his poetry would become nature-related as well). it would be his late night project, or something he’d do if he couldn't sleep (which was pretty common for todd). he’d call neil on the phone some nights and just gush about all kinds of flowers or tell neil how he accidentally got stung by a bee and cried about it because he knew the bee would die (all the while, neil would be listening so intently, taking note about which flowers were todd’s favorites for future use (’: the calls would have to be pretty planned, bc if neil wasn’t working, he was doing school work, or his parents were keeping an annoyingly close watch on him. but sometimes neil would call him impromptu and that made todd just the happiest little camper ever). todd’s nails would be really short (he’d cut them really often because he doesn’t like the feeling of dirt under his nails), which means he couldn’t bite his nails anymore, causing him to pick up a new anxious habit of biting the inside of his bottom lip ): overall, though, todd would like his job, and even find pleasure in being surrounded by little flowers all day. also if/when neil ever got the chance, he’d absolutely tag along to see his sweaty boyfriend in action (come on, neil would go absolutely nuts for todd in a cutoff shirt, 5″ inseam shorts, and converse mowing a lawn looking all manly and tough). 

charlie: obviously, charlie wouldn’t need to work because of his financial situation, but his mom would 110% make him get a job just so he wouldn’t be around the house causing trouble/bothering his siblings for fun (”i’m hosting a lot of book club meetings for the country club this summer, i can’t have you putting spiders in the ladies’ hats again, charles”). similar to neil, mr. charlie dalton would work his summers at an ice cream/custard stand. he’d have to wear a white, short sleeve button up, a red and white striped apron, and one of those white, rectangular hats (his least favorite part HAHA, stating, “my hair is one of my best features and this just takes it all away. it’s unfair.”). the poets would visit often, both for ice cream, but primarily to give him a hard time about his uniform (”i’ll give you twenty bucks to wear this on our first day of classes” meeks would tease, completely gobsmacked when charlie showed up to their first chemistry class in his uniform, earning lots of demerits, but also twenty dollars). charlie would hate it at first, but obviously he’d adjust, being the extroverted/personable person, not taking himself too seriously and being one of the best ice cream slingers anyone had ever seen. he’d give the cute girls (and boys) extra scoops of ice cream for free, winking as he handed them their orders. like neil’s boss, charlie’s boss was even more thankful for charlie’s presence because they’d likely be raking in at least triple the income they would in a summer without him. he’d become a sundae expert, spending many dead poets meeting making them for his friends while they read poems and stories. that being said, he’d come to hate eating ice cream, publishing an article in welton’s honor demanding that they remove ice cream from their dessert menu (yes, almost exactly like the “girls at welton” prank, but he’d make the call collect this time. mr. nolan would be fed up to the point where he wouldn’t even punish charlie physically, just suspend him from rowing [which charlie wouldn’t mind at all HAHA]).

meeks & pitts: after their hi-fi success and the fact that they are seemingly inseparable, they both sought out jobs at the local radio station where they were hired as interns/assistants, running errands and picking up coffee or lunch for the station. but sometimes, when they worked pretty late, the night shift dj would let them pick the records and show them how everything worked (: after nights like that, meeks and pitts would go to one of their houses and add modifications to their hi-fi radio, staying up all night modifying and researching (by the end of the summer, they had made another hi-fi (portable) and their og hi-fi would have been morphed into a huge nationally reaching radio that they keep in the cave (since it would be disallowed in their room at welton). another job that the two of them would have would be answering calls for the station about song requests. with this knowledge, charlie and the other poets would hang out at someone’s house, calling and requesting the same songs over and over and over again. their biggest task for the summer would be organizing the shelves with all the records into alphabetical order (”duh, we should go by first name, meeks. which other way would it be” pitts would argue, only to find out that after they had spent about three weeks alphabetizing by first name, they were supposed to go by last name. “now who’s the idiot?” meeks would jeer, beginning to pull the records off the shelves). they’d also learn a lot about music from their night shift coworker, which would help in their quest to woo some ladies the following school year.

cameron: cameron liked spending his summers doing research projects for fun and just reading a whole lot, so you can imagine his displeasure at when his parents asked him to get a job (presumably to help with paying for his schooling). while upset about it, he wouldn’t complain, and took it on the chin, understanding the reasoning. he’d apply to a couple places, but ultimately end up as a grocery store cashier/stock boy. much like charlie, he’d have the same kind of uniform, but with a green apron instead. he’d spend most of his shift ringing people up at the register, being friendly and personable (something no one ever really realized about him !!). the poets’ moms would always see him and choose his register on purpose, using it as a chance to catch up or tell him to tell his parents that “the overstreets say hello!” or “mrs. anderson says hi!” pitts, meeks, and charlie would utilize cameron’s position at the supermarket to buy nudie magazines unembarrassed/slightly illegally HAHA (”come on, cameron! it’s not like you won’t be included in seeing them next year, too. we bring them to the meetings, you know that!” charlie would say, leaving cameron at a loss, reluctantly scanning the magazines and bagging them as pitts and meeks sniggered). charlie would wave, blow him a kiss, and wink as they left, “love you, richardddd.” sure enough, the magazines would make an appearance during the following school year and cameron was glad he had decided to let them buy the magazines lol. 

knox: out of all the poets, i feel like our knoxious would be the least inclined to work (yes, even less inclined than charlie). his parents wouldn’t even make him get a job because he simply didn’t need to, but to everyone’s surprise, he would volunteer at the animal shelter. the poets would later find out that it was a great way to meet girls (which is why he did it lmfao so they endlessly goaded him about it). charlie would visit often, and even took a rescue puppy home, much to charlie’s younger sister’s delight. charlie even wanted to start volunteering at the shelter to also meet girls, but he was too busy at the ice cream stand (plus, he had really grown to like it there so he didn’t want to leave). another effect of volunteering made knox super interested in zoology and animals, which brought out a newer, more nurturing/caring side to him, and who knows, maybe he’d go vegetarian somehow. he’d want to pursue a career in animal science or becoming a veterinarian, but mr. overstreet was hellbent on knox taking over the firm, so it seemed like a pipe dream. knox would continue to volunteer at the animal shelter, well into his career as a lawyer, and would even go to veterinary school in his 30s (when he was a nationally famous, established lawyer) to get certification to work with animals in a broader way (: 

hope you guys liked these. it was pretty fun to write, and i'd pay such good money to see neil, charlie, and cameron in their uniforms (and todd, but that’s neither here nor there). happy thursday !! let me know what you guys think of these <3(:

[miyaniacs]

PROLOGUE

NAVIGATION

summary: Reader: female; 20 years old ; Apparently you know something… but what this something is you still got to find out.

But curses, good and bad sorcerer now want to get you into their hands.

Ending up in the hands of the good ones, y/n finally meets her old best friend again - Yuji. Now Yuji and his friends make it their mission to keep you save in this whole new world. Days turn into weeks and you become closer and closer to your ‚bodyguards‘

Warnings: blood & not proof read bc I’m lazy

A/N: feedback & reblogs are welcome, especially since this is a new fic / story form I’m trying to do ^^ I hope you’ll like my lil attempt to give you all a jjk otome ‘game’ haha tell me if any of you wanna be tagged ^^

Cold air blows into your face as you exit the library. Looking up at the stars, you sigh. You‘ve lost track in time studying for your finals. It’s your third semester now and depending on how you’ll succeed in your finals, you either get a step closer to getting your dream job or all the semesters were for nothing.

Yuji always joked about you wanting to get rich, to help him succeed going on a date with one of his famous crushes… well with a certain one.

“Yuji - how would you be able to suddenly appear right in front of Jennifer Lawrence and save her from a monster - IF you don’t have the money to appear in whatever country she’s in?”

“And you’d give me the money??”

“That’s what your sugar mommy is for right?”

“In no where - NEVER - you’ll pass as a sugar mommy!”

“Lemme get that cash and the clothes and you’ll see.”

So here you are, trying your best to get an A in your business class to be able to turn the 2 weeks internship at Zenin Enterprise into a one year one and hopefully a job after graduating.

‘I’ll show you Yuji- you’ll get a check in your mail someone …’ you think.

Even though you haven’t seen him that much after the incident in your high school, you still texted every day and somehow managed to see each other about three times a year. At first you were pissed, because he didn’t tell you what he was up to and why he changed schools - but you leaned to accept it, he was still your best friend and nothing would change that.

Walking over the campus you make your way towards the train station smiling when you see Yujis name pop up on your screen.

“Hey hey Yuu~” you smile as you pick up the phone.

“Y/n! Where are you right now?” He asks, panic lacing in his voice.

“Just got out of the library, why what’s up?” You ask, your bows furrow a bit.

“Get back inside. Now. Immediately.!” He scream shouts.

“Yuji why- my last train arrives in a few minutes.” You whine, but stopped walking.

“Trust me Y/n. Please.” He begs, “I’ll be there in a few minutes!”

“Okay okay- is it because of the thing you can’t tell me about?” You turn around and start jogging back towards the library.

“Yes.” he says.

“Okay I trust you, I’ll be in the library in ab- AHHHHHHHHH”

“Y/N - Y/N TALK TO ME - Y/N!!!”

“THERE IS SOMETHING COMING CLOSER - YUJI WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE A MONSTER”

“NO NO NOOO RUN - RUN NOW!”

And you start running, this thing comes closer and closer, you can hear it’s steps getting faster and faster.

Your legs move faster than you thought they could, mentally your thankful for forcing yourself to go to the gym regularly.

Yet the thing gets closer.

You can now hear it’s breath, feel it in your neck.

All the small hairs on your skin turn up and tears stream down your face.

“Y/NNN!!!” You head Yujis voice coming closer from the distance.

“YUJI I AM HERE - HELP ME!!” You cry out.

Suddenly something slimy wraps around your ankle and you fall flat in the ground.

Screaming out in pain, you feel yourself getting dragged over the hard ground, some sharp claws digging into the flesh of your leg. Feeling the blood run down your leg, you try to grab anything and everything your hands can reach to stop the monster to … to eat you?

Your finger tips get bloody while you try to desperately hold onto the asphalt, just to feel your body getting dragged further away from panicked voice of your best friend.

Then - you stopped moving.

The force that dragged you away stopped. Turning around you see the lifeless arm of that thing hanging on your lap, but the rest of it is still moving, with one arm missing.

A blond haired man stands in front of you, some sort of short sword in one hand. He glanced over his shoulder, “Why are you still here? Run!” He says in a way too calm voice.

Trying your best, you try to get up, flinching as you now feel all the wounds on your body.

Your left leg, with the arm still hanging on it, collapses again and again whenever you try to put some pressure on it.

Something soft nudged your leg and pushes onto the arm. Looking down you see… a dog? Or a wolf? You’re not quite sure but whatever it is- it helps you getting that thing off.

“This takes way too long.” You hear someone saying and in a matter of seconds your thrown over the shoulder from some guy, you think you’ve seen someone during your FaceTime chats with Yuji.

“Care to help us?” He says to a white haired man with a blindfold on.

“Mhhh… no. I think you students should be able to finish this thing alone.” He smiles brightly, yet the man carrying you clearly seems annoyed. “But you can leave her with me, I’ll take care of her ~”

A silent scream escapes your lips, as the men sets you down, rather … rough, causing you to put pressure on your injured leg.

“Megumi! Haven’t I taught you how to treat a women!” The white haired male sighs and puts a hand on his forehead, shaking his head dramatically.

“This isn’t some sort of joke.” The blond one, that practically saved you from the monster, walks over to you.

“Well… the curse is tho - we thought they’d send something strong to get her, judging by who badly everyone seems to get her - but no. They sent this joke.” He gestures towards the monster, which is now surrounded by three younger looking men.

The one that carried you, another white haired one, with the neck of this jacked turned upwards and … Yuji!

Your eyes lit up the second you recognize your best friend.

He meets your eyes and a small smile appearance on his face, no wait… his mouth shouldn’t be there … why is it on his cheek?

You blink a few times, but his mouth now seems to be as normal as it can be.

The blood loos probably got to your head.

Right blood!

Looking down you see the blood still running down your leg. Reaching down, you touch the wound, regretting it the second you did so.

“Hey, wait, I get some first aid bandages out of the car.” The blond one says in a calming voice, gently grabbing your hand and guiding it away from your wound.

“Sooo you’re the girl Yuji always talks about?” the white haired men asks and tilts his head to the right, the index finger of his left hand tapping against his chin.

“Uhm.. I guess? He’s my best friend…so..” you mumble. How is he having such a normal conversation with you, when Yuji and the others are fighting this thing just a few meters away?!

“Huh… haven’t thought he’d be able to have such pretty friends.” The male mumbles.

“Excuse me?!” Your head snaps towards him and you glare at his covered eyes. “SHOULDNT YOU BE HELPING THEM?!” You gesture over to the three.

“Nahhh - they can handle it - but they are taking way too long - I was really lacking on training them.” He sighs and shakes his head.

You watch as the white haired man standing next to Yuji opens his zipper and says something- suddenly the monster collapses.

“About time.” The calming voice of the blond haired man echos through the now quiet campus.

“Here sit down.” He points to a bank and helps you sit down.

Carefully he cuts off the ripped leg of your jeans and gently places a tissue on your leg, trying to clean it up.

“Okay, I’m sorry if this hurts now, but I got to make sure that it won’t get infected.” He says and puts something to sanitize your wounds on the tissue.

“Y/N!!!!” Yuji screams and runs over to you.

“Yuj- AHHHHH” You head looks over to the blond male.

“Sorry.” He mumbles.

“Y/n. I’m so sorry I’m so so sorry!!” Yuji sits down next to you and takes one of your hands on his.

“It’s not your fault.” You smile gently at him, trying to ignore the pain.

“How did you know that I was in danger?” You ask and look around.

“We heard from many sources that basically everyone was looking for a girl named ‘Y/n.’ - Yuji quickly figured out that it was you they were looking for. “ the blond says and wraps a bandage around your leg.

“Now we want to know why.” The white man says and towers over you.

“How should I know. I don’t even know what this thing was- neither do I know what you are??” You start rambling. The shock finally leaves your body and the realization hits you. “WHAT WAS THIS MONSTER ?!” You screech.

“Hey, it was not as gorgeous as I am, but we’re not monsters.” A deep voice comes from Yuji. Confused you look towards him.

“Shut up!” Yuji says and slaps a hand over his cheek. But then a mouth appears on the back of his hand.

“WHAT THE FUCK!” You scream and jump up, almost kicking the blond male who was still holding your leg.

“I CAN EXPLAIN!!” Yuji panics, “SUKUNA SHUT UP AND LEAVE US ALONE.”

“IS THIS WHY YOU COULDN’T TELL ME WHATS UP WITH YOU?!”

“Yes …” he looks down, “It was all… well … difficult to explain to you so I just chose not to.” He looks up at you with his puppy eyes and you sigh. He knows exactly what he’s doing.

“I hate you.” You sit down again and lean against his shoulder. Putting an arm around you he leans his head on yours.

“I know … I know.”

“Okay cool- but again. What do they want from you?” The black haired guy says and his piercing green eyes seem to try to read your mind.

“I - I don’t know. I haven’t known about all of this until now.”

“Tuna, rice.” The white hair male, who now has the zipper up again, says.

“Agreed … she at least was able to see the curse.” The other white haired male says.

Your face should clearly show the confusion, but it seems as if everyone just ignores it.

“Did anything happened the past weeks? … anything strange?” The blond one asks and stands up, adjusting his glasses.

“No… not really… my boss acted strange yesterday - well he always does - when he gave me some packet to personally give to someone.”

“What packet? How big was it?” The black haired asks.

“Uhhh I thought there was some expensive watch in." You look around confused. Everyone looks over to Yuji.

“Why? What’s wrong?” You look around.

“Who did you give the packet to?” Yuji asks.

“No one actually… The male wasn’t there, so I took it with me - I planned on giving it back to him tomorrow.” You stutter.

“Who’s your boss?” The white haired one asks.

“Naoya Zenin - I got an internship being his secretary.”

Everyone stares at you now.

“You’re coming with us.” The white haired one grabs your hand.

“Nanami - you and Yuji go to her home! Find that packet - if it’s still there.” He looks over to the blond male, before addressing you again. “Anything else you heard or saw before he gave you this packet?”

“Uhm… I overheard him talking to a man… “ you stutter and he grabs your hand, dragging you with him.

“With who? What did they say?”

“I - I don’t know…” you whisper.

“Then REMEMBER!” He says in a harsh tone.

“I DONT KNOW - HE LOOKED STRANGE …” you scream, annoyed the way he dragged you with him.

“Well until you know, you be staying with us.”

TAGLIST (open): @laceymorganwrites

[redxblueihateloveyou]

Fascinating. They usually cut jealousy scenes to a minimum or don't show at all even in pure BL genre, like Lan Wangji (esp Wen Ning thing) or Shen Wei being extremely possessive, bc it can't be explained by brotherhood in their opinion. It's also the reason it was cut from Ultimate. So why here suddenly add scenes like that and with such heavy focus is a mystery, since you've said it's not in the novel. It's not even reasonable jealousy, its just straight up "cant touch my piece of pizza" stuff

Hmm... never thought about it. LOL in the anime the kept LZ being jealous of Wen Ning though xD. Idk in "Sleuth of the Ming" they made a whole open scene out of it. What I've noticed is that their censorship always works differently, and some choices never cease to surprise me, as in who decides what's ok and whats not, bc idk... I understand that stuff like dying for each other, touching, staring can be by many seen as a touching bromance technically, I mean I've seen many ppl watching even cencored BL and being completely oblivious. But there are sometimes some stuff included, that I personally do not get how it can be interpreted as "close friends" and how it passed the censorship. And I do not mean here sucking out poisons, for example (bc I would've done this for my close friends if they were in danger haha).

I'm just judging from the point of view of like me and my sister being very close to the point of a person on the street asking us if we're lesbians lmao (I like still don't get where it came from, hand holding?xD). As I've said before, I guess I see why some ppl who don't have close friends or family would consider some closeness as romantic (since both close bros and couple do some things like spooning for example), but anyone who like saw idk bts members or have a super close bestie or sibling might know that hugging each other to sleep, wearing their clothes or feeding them a jelly bean if their hands are busy doesn't always mean you have any romance there going on, speaking from my expierience, so I just have different view on this "gay stuff vs bro stuff". (like to me the afterlife pingxie scene is actually gayer than any touching they've done, bc like why he didn't see his family or iron triangle whole if they all bros). It's just there are a LOOOT of things that can be indeed considered bro stuff technically (they might not be, but they could), but there is some stuff that just cannot be explained by we're bros, thats all. And this kind of jealousy is one of them.

Bc like a bit of jealousy like "my bestie wanted to go skating with their lover instead of me, so I'm upset we don't spend as much time together" can exist, but if you have problems with someone hitting on your friend, checking him out or even touching him and you don't want them to date anybody, that's another thing, that just means you wanna date them. Wu Xie can hug Fatty to sleep and they can slap each other's butts like me and my sis, but he'd never be jealous seeing someone flirting with him or smth. You know what I mean here? So I get why it's in most situations considered not censorship appropriate and it's cut.

But the most funny thing about the "him being unreasonably jealous" added scenes is the fact that like they actually chose to make him being absurdly jealous. Bc for example in the first version of the scene, Pangzi was trying to dance with Xiaoge, thats why Wu Xie got all worked up:

it was at least somewhat understandable. But in the actual scene from the drama they went and for some reason changed it. Xiaoge pulled Pangzi in, bc he lost direction while being blind, but it was still Pangzi who got reprimanded for that at the end lmao

so it just became even more hilarious, bc Pangzi just grazed him, he didn't even do anything, so I was like will this guy just calm the fuck down, but no, he kept going lolz

I'm just surprised about some of their deliberate choices I guess. So I agree, weird it is.

But Reboot in general was weird, when it comes to the rollercoaster of their choices lmao. They uncensored, then used censorship to uncensor, then censored to cover, its just the first time I saw this weird kind of censorship, like as long as girls are there, jokes like "I won't be able to get it up on a woman" are okay??????? Idk they were just extremely out there almost each episode with all kinds of stuff, that by the end I was like... well, at this point its already pointless. I guess it was just the first time, I've seen it made in such weird way and actually used in a smart way fitted with the character and no just for the sake of it. Adding a scene when he accidentally calls his in their opinion potential love interest his bro's name is actually uncensoring, not censoring, you know what I mean? (since we in fact didn't move anywhere near this realization in the book). Same as what many noticed about them openly making fun of censorship and "out of nowhere appeared feelings and how its not love and whats wrong with idolization if u don't know a person" after NPSS interviews and how it only made everyone fall for what pingxie have more. So it was like... I actually for the first time enjoyed it. It was a pretty genius way of showing Wu Xie's weird internal struggles from that book, which I thought were not possible to show. Bc as you know he's hilariously oblivious there about all of it and same as WWX for example do not even consider such possibility. But I think it's just bc it's not actual BL BL, it's a story where a couple naturally accidentaly came together and turned out to be both guys (even tho one was initially intende to be a girl xD), so its in general complicated. Wu Xie is just borderline lost at this point xD. It's like "Yeah, I want him... What do you mean as in dating? Whats that?". Or like:

- Want a wife?

- No, I want Xiaoge.

- As in you're gay?

- What's a gay?

That's basically how he rolls.

But I do love jealous Wu Xie, I think it's hilarious here, he's like somehow complitely okay with how idiotic he looks and that's very sweet haha.

P.S. "can't touch my piece of pizza" lmaoo well Xiaoge does look very delicious like Black Glasses says xD

P.P.S. all in all I really do not get how their censorship works in general at all. Like why Wangxian wedding bows were allowed, but other stuff don't? Or like I get like complimenting your bestie "you look hot in this" or "you're so pretty" or smth, but there's a difference between this and saying that their "lips look sweet"... like thats already another thing entirely. So at times I watch cdramas like... huh??? Maybe it depends on who checks it idk

[lovee-infected]

So i was thinking about the potential angst where MC confronts Epel about his weird behaviour, and Epel just fumbles with his words but the message he lets on is that he can't be friends with MC bc she's a girl. He just keeps rambling until he heards a sniffle and looks up to MC, only to find her crying. And now he feels like the biggest asshole in the whole NRC. He better not let the rest of the twist boys find out or else he'll get all of the seven dorms breathing down his neck -🍎

Okay I love this

♦♥♠♣

"...For God's sake, I need to get some sleep..."

Epel rolled on his bed over and over, moving his head from one side of the pillow to the other. It's been a terribly tiring day and he doesn't want anything more than getting some sleep right now.

But something seems to keep him awake.

~~~~

"WHY DON'T YOU GET IT...!?"

Epel was furious, he could feel his blood boiling inside his body, how on earth does he now have to make you understand?

You hid something you -knew- how sensitive he was over , you knew how awful his lack of self-esteem to talk with girls made him feel. He had trusted you with each and every of those words and he meant them; each and every of them.

And yet you chose to do exactly what he didn't want you to, huh? Getting closer to him, while you were well aware of how sensitive he was over it.

It wasn't his fault, how could you blame him ? Being mistaken for being a girl might not seem to be any big deal from outside, but the deeper facts...there were a lot which could neglect Epel's life long picture.

No matter how much he tried to be taken seriously, it still ended up with him being called cute boy or tiny man, sounds cute, doesn't it? But not to Epel, not at all. The way he got overly judged because of his appearance and seemingly-soft- figure really brought him down, slowly turning his definition of female into something unpleasant ; something that he was mistaken with over and over. He did have the right though, didn't he? Appreciating something that bothers you the most isn't always easy. Epel's fear with girls was not limited to the unwanted memories they sometimes brought him, but also because of...other stuff. Stuff that he wasn't ready for, not yet. And of course he wasn't secretly prepared to change because of-you-, the one who lied.

Epel's words rush out of his mouth without him even taking a second to think before, he is really at his end. Memories and fears flash before his eyes and make it impossible for him to take a look at the person he is putting all the blame on now. Only if he could see your terrified face...

"...If this, is how things are going to be, I'd rather cut ties with you,"

You were forcing yourself to avoid your tears from falling in front of him but...this very last sentence ended you. His serious tone while pronouncing the word 'cut' , is this really the Epel you once loved? You bite your lower lip forcing your eyes to keep tears in. Your body apparently started to shake still trying not to break down. Don't cry... Don't cry.

But you couldn't take it anymore, your heavy tears fell down as your voice started to shatter.

Epel just realized that you were crying but you couldn't take it anymore, you ran away with flushed cheeks and watery eyes, intentionally running to a corner to scream at the pain.

Your reaction was way faster than he could've expected, a part of him wanted to come after you but his will, that hold him back.

He never came after you.

~~~~~

Pomefiore isn't usually warm at nights but tonight seems to be one of those who make Epel sweat to the point of running out of breath. At least he wouldn't have realized this if he were asleep . He curses and digs his face into the pillow, no use...he can't sleep at all.

He's been ignoring you ever since he found out that you were a girl and was planning to continue it as long as you are stuck in NRC, he wasn't a big fan of arguing or perhaps, that seemed like too much trouble he didn't want to get into. Especially knowing how protective some of the students were over you and his personal idealistics would probably sound selfish to them. He wasn't looking forward a second fight.

It was you who again insisted on him talking to you and be honest with the reason he's been ignoring you, he didn't ever mean to let you know.

And now, here he is. Not being able to close his eyes for even a second in fear of what may be coming next. It'd be Impossible that no one saw you running off in tears and to add to that , that'd be strange if none of your friends asked what had happened. God...what if the dorm leaders-

Even the thought makes his blood run cold. Getting fired from the school seemed to be way better than how leaders would react if they hear of any word he shouted at you; there are even rumors of Malleus Draconia being a friend of yours and that's- that's enough to keep Epel awake all night

He doesn't know when, but finally someone would come to kick his ass so badly. He is well aware of that . He now is a bit thankful that he's used to getting bullied...

Whatever is coming, there's no way for him to stop or avoid it from happening, not anymore. He already knew that he'll end up like this while he exploded at your words. Seems like he already knew from the start but...then why can't he let it out of his mind now.

Fear of not knowing what storms were already on their way to burn Epel was terrifying, but ... somehow it feels like that wasn't the only reason to keep him awake.

It's normal for him to be scared, but is it normal to be...sad? Of course he has been sad ever since he knew that his best friend is a girl, but tonight...tonight seems to be even more gloomy.

Here he is, struggling with himself to get some sleep as he silently pours his tears into his pillow. He isn't fine. What is he crying for though? His now shattered personality or... Memories of each and every minute he had beside you?

Everything seemed to be perfect, no, everything was indeed perfect until... until he decided to end it all. There is no chance of him walking up to you and apologize tommorow; but maybe some day..? Would a day come for you to at least walk beside each other at least as normal classmates ?

He wonders...where are you right now? What are you doing? Is he the only one up at this hour or could it be that somewhere far, you too were hugging your pillow to get some sleep? If so, why can't you sleep? What is he keeping you awake? Are you just suffering from how hot your room is or...is it because the thought of him doesn't let you sleep...?

~~~~

Update: Part 2 here!

[mego42]

Hi, since you seem more positive/excited about the triangle possibility than a fair amount of people, can you talk more about why? I fall into "the not thrilled about the possibility, but have a little hope it could result in some good moments" group and would love some more reasons to not dread it. Thanks! And love your writing and love reading your tags :)

hey anon!! i am v sorry you are not thrilled and am always happy to shriek nonsense about why i’m excited (though idk how much it will help bc the tl;dr is more or less i’m hype for a triangle bc i am an incredibly messy bench who lives for drama and if you are not a similarly messy bench, ymmv)

don’t get me wrong, i super understand the trepidation, pop culture is LITTERED with absolute shite examples of love triangles but here is an incomplete list of reasons i personally think beth and rio are the perfect kind of disaster to set up a spectacular love triangle:

the existence of a triangle implies there are FEELINGS at the various points

the use of the descriptor "romantic" applied to said triangle implies ROMANTIC feelings

i am a simple woman and my pulse has already picked up

one of my absolute most favorite things about the toxic stew that is beth and rio is how completely balls to the wall obsessed they are with having and holding each other’s attention and focus

like straight up possessive nightmare people

now imagine wedging an actual rival for one or the other’s attention between the two of them

(something we have not reeeeeally seen before, 206 withstanding and i’ll come back to that, bc lbr beth doesn’t give a fck about dean and rio’s known that for sure ever since he walked LITERALLY RIGHT PAST THE GUY to rail his wife in a public bathroom at her invitation)

(the 204 proximity point has nothing to do with this list it’s just a source of endless delight and that was enough for me to justify adding it)

where was i

mmmmm feelings, possessive nightmares, OH RIGHT

they are also nightmares in the sense that it appears to be physically impossible for them to use their words with each other unless it’s like, ripped out of them which means they’re sitting on ALL THE BAGGAGE between them and it’s just stewing and boiling and

wait, let me back up

look, i want brio sex as bad as the next person

but even more than brio sex? i want them to fight

i mean like, Fight fight

i want the kind of knockdown drag-out brawl that brings Stuff to the surface and leaves them with a bunch of nasty, ragged, pieces dragged out into the light bc lbr they’ve both done some incredibly awful things to each other

(kind of like what 213 was looking like before it all went to shit tbh)

(i’m just saying, beth saying you put it all on me with that kind of jagged, disbelieving betrayal behind it? my catnip)

(it’s up there with rio at the picnic table in 306 telling her that ship sailed when she put three slugs in him)

i live for them being raw and honest and emotional okay

IF ONLY THEY COULD BOTH DO IT AT THE SAME TIME

bc here’s the thing, for the magnitude of horrifying shit between the two of them? i (personally) think that they like it because they are so! twisted! when it comes to each other and i love that for me, specifically

like no seriously a huge part of what i love about the ship is that whole i see your monster and it looks like mine thing they’ve got going on when they let themselves and i am full on foaming at the mouth feral at the thought of them leaning into that

i’m sorry i’ve lost the thread again

wait no that was the thread

okay so basically they’re both ticking time bombs of smothered angst and rage who are absolutely incapable of being normal about each other but are also keeping all of that locked tf down and the only time we ever really see it come out is when one o them is too emotionally overwhelmed to keep their iron grip

you know what brings emotions to the surface?

TRIANGLES!!!!!!!!!!!!

CAN YOU IMAGINE THE SEETHING MESS OF EMOTION THAT HAS THE POTENTIAL TO BRING TO THE SURFACE??????

AND HOW UTTERLY UNEQUIPPED EITHER ONE OF THEM WOULD BE TO DEAL WITH ANY OF IT????????

AND HOW SIDEWAYS IT COULD EXPLODE???????????

like don’t get me wrong there is absolutely no way it’s gonna be pretty but i didn’t get on this busted ass carnival ride expecting nice things, i am in this to feEl stuFf and nothing makes me feel stuff more than seeing the two of them feel stuff and this is  perfect set up for that

you know how they say the opposite of love isn’t hate, it’s indifference?

you know what’s not indifference? big messy emotions

but okay okay okay i am icarus and the sun looms large, lets say they don’t fight, that doesn’t mean they’re not gonna feEl stuFf on their own

do you remember beth’s face in the van when rio hugged dylan??? do you?????

and what did she do after that? went out and robbed him blind and held his shit hostage until he caved in what is one of my top 10 of all of their scenes

and god, idk if we’ve really seen rio really get jealous of attention lavished on beth yet but when i think about it i want it so bad my teeth hurt

and i know i’m not alone here bc i have i think 3 jealous!rio prompts in my inbox rn

(i’m not saying i’m working on it but i’m also not not saying it)

god i just

can you imagine how much fun it could be to watch rio seethe over having to watch someone else be into beth

WHAT WOULD HE DO?????????

ESP IF HE COULDNT DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT DIRECTLY BC ITS SOMEONE HE CAN’T INTERFERE WITH

oh christ and if beth responded to it??????????

oh gOD thE mESS

idk even if it doesn’t lead to a confrontation (but i feel like??? it would have to????) just the idea of the kinds of feelings they’d have to grapple with and confront within themselves is D E L I C I O U S

also, to jump back to an earlier point: brio sex

i know some people are feeling like the sexy chemistry between beth and rio is lacking this season

you know what’s great for chemistry? fuel

you know what provides great fuel? messy emotional situations that tug at intimate connections and make people feel out of control

you know what’s a messy emotional situation that tugs at intimate connections and make people feel out of control? 

you probably guessed it

A TRIANGLE

(and we know that neither of them does well with feeling out of control period at all even without the intimate emotional stuff mixed in so like oh boy)

listen i am just saying given where they’re currently at with each other i cannot think of any situation more ripe for an explosive hook up than one or both of them feeling driven to reassert their claim/mark on the other 

would it be nice? no, probably not

would i care? not even a little bit

(don’t you judge like any of y’all are any better than me)

look. to quote marie kondo horrifically out of context: i love mess and the mess potential in a romantic love triangle with beth and rio as two of the three points is stratospherically high.