#bc usually there's something deeper about disliking them and everything

[icharchivist]

disliking Percival for what appears to be typical classist prickhead behavior at face value to Percival stan account pipeline

YEAH. YEAH....!

Like. I love characters who make me dig deeper into their motivations. It's why i love liars so much. I love trying to see the façade, and then going deeper just to see what's actually under it all.

Percival isn't a liar but he's definitely not upfront about what he wants which puts me into the same type of journey in general.

he's just fascinating like that :sob:

[psychewritesbs]

Been reading your opinions on the boy of all time megumi and can I just say firstly, thank you for being so good w words BC man you get his character so well and you're so good at getting into all the little details abt him that I can never properly describe to ppl, Like, the whole breaks the trope while following the trope thing?? YOU GOT THAT ALL SO CORRECT THATS EXACTLY IT IT'S ONE OF THE REASONS I LOVE HIS CHARACTER SM BC EVEN JUST RIGHT OFF THE BAT HE BREAKS THE USUAL STOIC BROODING CHARACTER TROPE(THE trope) BY ACTUALLY CONSTANTLY SHOWING although subtly THAT HE DOESNT HATE EVERYONE?? im getting way off track already i actually popped in here to just ask abt how you think the whole sukuna possessing megumi thing will all turn out?? I honestly feel like slapping myself for not seeing it coming tbh like they talked about the head of the six eyes and ten shadows battling it out to the death before and sukuna kept on hyping up megumi like they were so obviously setting that up there and I just. Denied. But I'm just asking BC personally I think that it would really show the final steps of growth for megumi's character if he is actually able to surprise sukuna, even for a little, and come back from the depths of where ever tf he is rn bc yk his whole issue w/ self worth and what he believes he's capable of and I just wanted to know what you think the best outcome for his character would be? Sorry this is such a mess I just have so many thoughts zooming around my brain and I'm trying to...make them make sense...

ITS THE MEGUMI LOVE!!!! Yessssss. Thank you for sending me Megumi love! I love getting Megumi love 🫶🏼.

Man, Megumi is just such a good character. Truly one of Gege's best. Everything he's done with him from how his character is based on the trope while also subverting the trope, to his backstory and his growth arc and how it's been executed... It's poetic justice.

I love Megumi so much, and any time I see someone hate on Megumi for really shallow or toxic reasons I just lose all faith in humanity. It's one thing to not care for him as a character and quite another to dislike him for being a "disappointing deuteragonist" because he's "weak", "hasn't had character development", and "did not master 10 Shadows"..................................................

Bruh...

ANYWAYS 😂 you see... this is the thing... I am trying really hard not to speculate about what might happen regarding Sukuna WHICH IS EXACTLY WHY I'M GOING TO SPECULATE BECAUSE I LOVE SUKUNA BUT FUCK SUKUNA!

ehem. More of me not being normal about Megumi under the cut.

Ok in all seriousness... with chapter 230 and how Sukuna forced Megumi to take the brunt hit of Unlimited Void, something shifted in me.

For some time I've been reluctant to make any predictions about Megumi coming out alive because I don't want to have preconceived expectations coloring my weekly reading experience, but mostly because, like Megumi, I have a tendency to bunt instead of swinging for the fence so as to not experience disappointment. Read this to mean I don't want to get my hopes up about Megumi surviving.

That is not to mention that I took Sukuna possessing Megumi's body personal. idk, something about seeing Megumi lose his agency felt both so wrong and yet so right on a metaphorical level. Wrong because DAMN YOU SUKUNA GO BACK TO YOUR BODY! and right because... as you said, Megumi had it coming both from a narrative and psychological perspective.

From then on, we just saw him sink deeper and deeper into learned helplessness and despair, culminating on this beautiful image of him in the fetal position.

Truly a reversal of ego back into the metaphorical mother (the unconscious) as though he was in the birth canal waiting for rebirth. And come to think of it, in the Japanese fandom, one of the more popular theories revolved around "birth" or something like that.

So with ch. 230, my hope for Megumi is renewed somehow. A lot of people think he's done for, especially after UV. But I'm on camp #this is going to backfire badly on both Gojo and Sukuna... or at least I hope it does.

So....

I'm just asking BC personally I think that it would really show the final steps of growth for megumi's character if he is actually able to surprise sukuna, even for a little

EXACTLY! And see, this is the thing, I don't want to see Megumi be saved by anyone other than himself. If Megumi is saved by others, then he didn't learn his lesson.

Basically, Megumi has taken Tsumiki's place as the Sleeping Beauty that is in need of rescuing. He's become a passive agent in his own life, which is exactly what gave Sukuna an opening.

If Gojo or Yuji, or anyone for that matter, comes in and saves Megumi without Megumi putting up a fight, then this whole growth process is metaphorically and literally aborted.

Like you, I personally think that this period could be a metaphorical gestational period for Megumi and I wonder if he's going to reach a tipping point where the anger he feels is stronger than the learned helplessness or something like that.

I just wanted to know what you think the best outcome for his character would be?

ALL THAT TO SAY THAT YES. Sukuna might be my other fave, but I am looking forward to either Megumi giving him a hard time or straight up beating the crap out of him.

Megumi has earned that privilege.

Right now, I am wondering how UV has affected Megumi's brain and what that will mean for his behavior. My hc is that his negative self-image is partly due to "reason". In other words, reason = his sense of self as the story he tells himself about himself.

But Megumi levels up because of imagination. Now that he's been hit by UV (I understand it's been 5 times?), how has being flooded with infinity affected the left (reason or logic, analytical) hemisphere of his brain?

Another idea I've been keeping quiet about is that part of the rebirth process involves moving through hell and up into heaven (a la Dante's Divine Comedy as a metaphor for a process of initiation or enlightenment). Megumi right now is sinking in hell as he comes face to face with inner evil.

So can we expect him to come back up? Will Beatrice make a cameo? I'm looking forward to whatever the cursed cat is cooking.

I just have so many thoughts zooming around my brain and I'm trying to...make them make sense...

ahaha, same tho.

Hey thanks again for the Megumi love, the kind comments, and for stopping by! Here's to hoping Gege does bring our boy back 🙌.

[shittybundaskenyer]

✹ ▬   𝐌𝐎𝐓𝐇 𝐓𝐎 𝐀 𝐅𝐋𝐀𝐌𝐄

rating: Explicit

pairing: Arthur Morgan x F!Reader

summary: you run away from the gang and Arthur comes after you to get some answers.

warnings: swearing, hurt/comfort, reader being pretty touch-starved and lonely, also reader’s kinda plus-sized bc i couldn’t help myself, a pinch of angst, sexual tension, arthur being a sweetheart, a big spoon of smut

word count: 3159

a/n: thank you so much for the request and for being so sweet! some exams really ate my time but i wanted to post this as soon as i could.💗

MASTERLIST    |    ARCHIVE OF OUR OWN

The campfire cracks and roars before you, heats your cheeks until they’re flushed a deep rosy red. You watch how the embers flick and shimmer before you, how moths and night bugs dance around the top of the flames, circling around until they fall into dangerous territory. Wings catch aflame and you sigh, tearing away your gaze. It’s the warmest spring night this year and it still smells of death. 

Your eyes wander, looking through the smoke to where Arthur sits, with his legs crossed and with his journal in his lap, sketching. His lips occasionally catch on the end of his pencil and you get lost in the sight for a second until the corner of his mouth turns upwards and you’re greeted with a small smile and his turquoise gaze—a burning ocean of seawater and flowing magma. 

The eye-contact lasts for what feels like an eternity and it wakes something in you, something clawing and ferocious and wanting. You have to look away or your wings are gonna catch aflame, too. 

“Hey, look at me for a bit longer,” Arthur murmurs, his voice deeper than usual while he glances back at his drawing, moving his pencil in a practiced, quick manner and its scratching on the paper is muffled by the campfire and the blood roaring in your ears. 

“Why?” your voice is small but he hears it anyway and rewards you with another smile. 

“‘Cause I’m almost done.”

“Are ya drawin’ me?” You don’t believe him even though he nods at your question. It’s dark enough so you can’t see his journal, but his hands are quick and his eyes roam over your face like he’s studying you, making a map from parts of you that were never pretty, never alluring yet Arthur puts them to paper with such a passion you can’t help but shudder. 

And then his gaze meets yours and the skin on your face almost catches on fire. 

 “Wanna see?”

You don’t know, but you’re already standing up to get closer to him. 

It’s like you’re looking into a mirror. All your imperfections are on display, a crude reminder for you about everything you dislike in your body, but it’s drawn in such a beautiful way that you can’t help but marvel at the perfectly placed pencil strokes. And your eyes—reflecting the fire and hiding in shadows… 

There’s a sudden ache in your chest and the bubbling urge to cry forming in your throat, but Arthur makes you forget all that when he places one of his hands on yours, gently pulling away his journal and placing it on the ground at his other side. 

“Why did ya run away?” 

The question startles you like the whistling of an arrow frightens a deer. You’re afraid to look up at him, so you watch his hand instead, resting comfortably on the thigh of his worn jeans. 

“I—I don’t know,” you sigh, laying back until you can feel the soft grass and earth against your back, damp and smelling like fallen leaves. Arthur follows you, looking up at the crystal clear sky that glints with a myriad of stars. You hear how the air leaves his lungs as he slumps into the ground. You feel the warmth of him, close enough to touch. 

You open your mouth to speak but you stop, mustering up your courage. “I guess I just couldn’t find my place. I was never good at mendin’ clothes and I’m not a man so Dutch never took me robbin’. I just… I felt useless and I didn’t wanna eat the meat you hunted. I was a burden.”

“So ya run away.”

“Yeah.”

Arthur sighs and turns towards you. You do the same, just so you can see if he’s joking when he says “Ya were never a burden.”

You don’t want to believe him and it probably shows on your face because he reaches forward, almost touching your cheek before he pulls his hand back. You don’t know if you want to cry or if you want to kiss him. 

“I don’t need pity. I was never wanted anywhere. It’s—it’s okay. I’m used to it.” 

Actually, you’re not. You can never get used to it.

“I understand,” Arthur whispers. “But I knew something’s been eatin’ at ya for some time now.”

“You knew?”

“That sad look in your eyes…” he looks up at you and this time he cradles your cheek in one palm, sliding his thumb over one treacherous tear that’s sliding down from the corner of your eye. “We’re not so different, you an’ I.”

You swallow back the lump in your throat and quietly ask, “Why are you so kind to me?” 

“Because no one was.” 

You hug him with such an intensity that the air hisses out of him. Embarrassed, you try to pull back but he’s quick to embrace you tighter, curling his strong arms around you. You lay like that for what feels like an eternity and when you look up from his chest you find his gaze fixated on you, chapped lips slightly parted. 

There’s a small breath of stillness before you lean over and press your lips to his. 

Arthur doesn’t stop you, nor pulls back as you reach behind his neck to push your hand into his hair when his tongue licks over the seam of your mouth. You kiss and let yourself be kissed, maybe for the first time in your life, maybe the first time when you feel like you belong somewhere—into this tender embrace. 

Trees standing tall, roots twisted together, edges of branches caressing freshly blooming flowers. They're wild apples, white petals framed with a tinge of deep pink. Your cheeks turn the same shade of them, too, when Arthur takes your hand in his and places it on his chest, where you can feel his deepening breaths and the steady beating of his heart. It’s all so new, this quiet intimacy, the beautiful way your body accommodates his, curling and bending and intertwining until you’re tangled like the roots of the forest underneath. He parts from you in the softest way and settles at the corner of your mouth with a gentle peck.

“You’re not alone here,” he whispers into the side of your face, lips ghosting over your skin and you pray that he can’t taste another treacherous tear there. “Not with me.” 

“Arthur don’t—” you try to protest, to keep him apart enough that you can think clearly, but his arms are insistent and his lungs expand every time yours do. “You don’t have to comfort me. You have enough trouble as it is.”

“But I wanna,” his nose brushes the side of yours, forehead turning towards your own to press on gently. “I want ya in my life so please—” his voice croaks a little and you let go of your tears. They mingle in his beard as he kisses your cheek. “Please don’t run away darlin’.”

You pull him in until your back is sinking into the soft bed of grass and earth, until your hands are clutching his shirt so tight your knuckles turn white. He lets you. 

The embrace tightens as his arm curls under you, his exhales warm in the crook of your neck when he cradles your nape and lets you find refuge in him, staining the shoulder of his shirt with your tears and holding him so tight your arms start to hurt. You stay like that for too long, maybe hours or only minutes, you can’t tell. Arthur pulls back a little when he feels you moving, pushing your hair back until he can curl a stay strand behind your ear. 

You’re flushed from crying and his closeness and the reasonable part of your mind wants to tell him it’s enough and you’re okay. But that doesn’t make it true. 

“I’m sorry,” you murmur, your voice barely audible. 

“Don’t be.” 

You can’t help it but trace the curve of his lips with your gaze, the way he forms those little words, the way you can feel it rumbling deep from his chest. He’s so close, maybe the closest of any person since you was being cradled by your mother as a babe. You feel like one now too, helpless and vulnerable and so desperate for another’s closeness it hurts. Arthur’s palm is a salve for your pain though, as it gently trails up the line of your spine, splaying over one shoulder blade. You clutch the worn fabric of his shirt when he looks down at you again, leaning in until your foreheads touch. 

“I’m nothin’ much, but you can have all the love I can give, sweetheart,” he murmurs as his lips brush over your closed eyes. You can’t believe his words, you can’t imagine how he can be so sweet when you know how blood taints the basin when you wash his shirt or how the fabric is torn by the graze of bullets day after day. 

But the way he’s gentle with you—He’s…

You can’t believe you deserve this. 

“Arthur, please,” you mutter, voice so small, breaths quick as you feel him leaning in, his mouth brushing yours. Oh to kiss him like this… 

You don’t know what you’re asking for, but his lips are enough. He pulls himself even closer to you as the kiss deepens, turning from gentle pecks into a frenzied meeting of tongue and teeth and tastes of cigarettes and cheap whiskey. Arthur pushes you into the earth, settles between your legs, your thigs opening for him to settle in the cradle of them. It’s out of your control—your hands, your lips, your tongue. They move and Arthur’s own mirror them, clutching and cradling and caressing, stroking alive something fierce, something burning inside you. Something that catches aflame and leaves the taste of smoke in your mouth. 

“What’s it?” Arthur asks, breathless when he pulls back a little, barely enough so he can form the words until you’re kissed again. 

“I—I don’t know.”

He turns your head to the side, ducks his face into the crook of your neck to kiss you there too, where your pulse races wildly and where the skin is so thin he could even tear your flesh. But he’d never do that. 

The heat in your belly is scorching and the friction of his body between your thighs just fuels that, and want blooms in you like the wild apple trees around you—white hotness tinged with the sweetness of peach pink. Arthur’s like them too, hot and soft and everything you’ve never imagined him to be. 

“What do ya want, darlin?” he asks again, with his lips sucking on the skin of your jaw, with a gentle peck right on its place. 

You open your lips to answer, but only a quiet moan spills from your throat. You want to tell him you want— You want— 

Him.  

Arthur. 

“You.” 

His mouth is back on yours in a second, kissing you harder, sweeter, like he really believes it, like he wants you to know these touches are genuine, like he wants you.

You can’t think clearly anymore, and you decide you don’t care. You always wanted to have this and Arthur gives you freely, willingly, selflessly. You might as well learn how to accept it. 

To cherish it. 

And you do, you truly do and try to reciprocate his kisses as passionately as he does. 

Until he ducks down to your neck, the dip between your clavicles, the plump skin uncovered by the opened collar of your shirt. His hand sneaks under the fabric and settles on your soft stomach, calloused and warm and like it was made to hold your flesh. 

“Tell me to stop and I will,’ he murmurs onto your sternum, his finger inching up your shirt while his other hand fumbles with your belt. 

“But I don’t want you to stop,” you gasp as your pant buttons are opened, as you feel him inching down the fabric until it can’t go lower from his hips between your legs. 

“Sure?”

“Yeah.”

He pulls away and the chilly wind hits you like a slap in the face, but he’s quick to return over you after your jeans and bloomers are laying in the dirt beside you. 

“You can’t imagine how pretty are ya, can you?” he murmurs as his ocean eyes are back on you and you want to be embarrassed, but you ain’t. Not when he looks at you with the same fiery gaze he immortalized in his drawing of you. 

The kisses return and travel over your sternum, then under the wrinkles of your rucked up shirt and the soft of your belly. He looks up at you as he descends lower, with a goal in his mind you can’t quite grasp yet. 

Not until his lips are on the inside of one thigh, tickling and warm and foreign yet—

You've never— Christ.

His lips are right there, barely brushing over the meaty soft flesh of your mound and then he— He—

"Arthur," you groan, as a warning or a sweet beckoning, you don't really know. 

But oh.

It doesn't matter anyway because he gently licks over the flushed skin between your folds and a shiver crawls up your spine like an avalanche, set off by the sinful moan that breaches your lips. It's— it's overwhelming, maybe in the best of ways because his mouth is right there, kissing you gently like he did before, except it's in the french way and it's right between your legs, on your most intimate parts—

And then he does it a little faster, harder. Your body starts shaking.

A soft cry escapes your throat and your fingers weave into his hair, tugging a little until you can feel him groan into your folds. You ease your grip, but he looks up at you, still not pulling away but nodding, with an intoxicated kind of fiery shine in his eyes. 

You can't focus, can't say anything besides his name and a broken plea that is a mix between stop and please never do. 

Arthur grabs your thighs strongly, and one of his hands slides over to your belly, pressing down just above your mound and then his other hand is somewhere else—Christ, the tip of his finger is right there, at your opening, teasing, dipping into the wetness pooling there and then sliding slowly in until the air is punched out of your lungs from the pleasure of it. 

It's… it's—you can't think. Arthur's finger is knuckle-deep inside you and you can't do nothin' except suck in a harsh breath and swallow back a few tears. 

"Shh, darlin'," he pulls away a little and his lips shine as he gives you a soft smile. "Gonna take good care of ya, don't you worry." 

And then he dives back in, flicking his tongue over where you're the most sensitive. His free hand strokes your skin, the meat of one thigh and the layer of fat on your hip. You get drunk on his eager touching and it feels like you're torn open for the stars to fall from the sky and pour under your skin. 

He can't help it, your whimpering is so desperate and pretty he has to come back up for your lips, has to swallow your pretty sounds. The kiss is harder this time, so needy you're almost embarrassed. But Arthur does not judge you. He just gives and gives and gives and smiles when your head lolls to the side, his mouth still catching on the corner of yours. You're panting, chest heaving and knees trembling as they cradle his body. 

Arthur stuffs another finger inside you, curls them until you whine into his kiss and that's the most beautiful thing about it—you, opening up like a flower, unfolding until you're bare and free for him to see, to touch. Your shell is broken, ripped to shreds by that one gentle swipe of his thumb over your brow when he kisses you again, slow and gentle and tasting of you. 

He pulls back, sea-colored eyes looking down at you like you're the world, like you're worth to be worshiped. The moon maybe, chasing alone after the sun, or being chased by it, you don't know. Just the racing feeling sticks, the one that even gets stronger as Arthur's head ducks between your breasts, the plush valley and hills of your hips. He watches for a few seconds, how his fingers disappear and slide out shining wet. Slow and strong. Like the tide.

Then his lips part around a quiet groan before he's back between your thighs, parting them wide with his broad shoulders. Pleasure bubbles in your belly, swiftly rising as he licks and sucks over you, and kisses when you breathe his name. 

"Let go, sweetheart,” he murmurs and curls his fingers up, his lips and tongue working you in just the perfect rhythm. “Lemme se ya.”

It doesn’t take long. You never thought it would anyway, with this uncontrollable fire in you.

Your breath hitches and Arthur’s fingers slow helplessly as you clench around him so hard he can’t move them for a second. His name catches in your throat and only the first syllable passes through, turning into the sweetest moan as pleasure blooms inside you. You feel like you’re flying with burning wings, like you’re the sun chasing after the moon and catching it’s silver light in your embrace. Arthur talks you through it, murmuring sweet praise and prolonging your pleasure as long as he can with his soft lips and clever fingers. 

You clutch his hair when it’s too much and he pulls back with a small smile on his lips and his fingers shining. He wipes them on the soft grass and comes back to your lips to savor another kiss of yours. 

“Arthur,” you whisper, hand cradling his cheek an looking up at him with the softest lovesick gaze. “What about y—” 

You reach for him but he stops you with another gentle kiss on the corner of your mouth. He’s hard and hot against the inside of your thigh, even though the thick fabric of his jeans. 

“‘Jus c’mere and don’t worry,” he pulls you in, to his chest as you turn to your side, facing him. “It’s been a long day chasin’ after ya.”

You nestle into his embrace as he rolls you over to his bedroll nearby, pulling over a blanket and you don’t bother with finding your pants, not until the fire dies down and you have to get up to tend to it. Arthur dozes peacefully with his hand outstretched to where you’ve been just a few minutes ago. 

You lay back beside him, taking his calloused hand in yours and pressing your lips to his worn knuckles. “Thank you.”

[river-bottom-nightmare]

Hi! I was wondering if you had any headcanons on the fab five? Thank you!

hello babe. indeed i do, i have so many headcanons for the fab five

dick regularly models for photoshoots for donna. he’s already required to do it, or so says the WE PR offices, and bruce has an image to keep up. normally, dick hates it, but it’s never a bother when his photographer is donna. he genuinely has fun, and the pictures always come out looking gorgeous because dick’s not faking his smile. donna keeps, not the best ones, but her personal favourites for herself

roy never used to get along with wally. the was overly-optimistic but in an annoying way, obnoxious with his powers, was conservative and close-minded, and hero-worshipped barry to the point where roy started to actively dislike barry, despite only meeting him like once or twice. but during an argument once, where roy spat out, “what the hell do you know about hardship?” wally kind of shut down, then told him about his dad. not only mildly abusive, but also an intergalactic war criminal who’s rotting away in a prison on oa?? and wally helped put him there??? colour roy surprised, and a bit apologetic. they bond over shitty dads. whenever dick tries to join their group, and immediately gets kicked out bc “dear god dick do you not realize how much batman cares??? do you not realize how much batman loves you?? you may not see it but it’s embarassingly transparent for the rest of us.”

texture is so different above water than below it, but especially hair. discounting the fact that most atlanteans don’t have hair hair, garth finds human hair fascinating. it’s so soft and pretty. donna indulges him and teaches him how to braid her hair. from there, it’s youtube video after youtube video as garth learns new and increasingly complex braids and hairdos to try out.  he doesn’t really see the titans much anymore, as much as it hurts him. but on the few times they get together, just to bring up a sense of nostalgia for the old good times, garth’s always pleasantly surprised when he remembers roy has long hair now, and braids his hair too. this leads to lian demanding special hair treatment, and garth is only too happy to oblige.

everyone’s just a little jealous of dick and wally. aside from the two of them knowing each other first, and therefore being friends for longer, the flash is one of the few members of the justice league batman likes, and one of the even fewer he’ll allow in gotham. dick and wally hang out all the time.  they have sleepovers and patrol together and train together and eat aunt iris’ famous cookies and alfred’s even more famous cookies. they just,,,exist together, happily. plus they also want to see the batcave because omg that’s so cool it’s the freaking BATCAVE!!!! none of them will say it out loud, though. too afraid that they’re the only one feeling this petty jealousy, too afraid it’ll come out the wrong way and sound mean and selfish, too afraid that the envy is deeper than any of them care to admit.

roy buys donna flowers all the time. at first, it’s because of his little crush, but over time, it just turns into a habit. he wants to, it makes her happy, so he does. donna doesn’t really have a preference, she loves everything. so roy buys her everything.  once they get older, donna will smell the flowers and hug them adoringly. then she’ll take one flower out from the bouquet and give it to lian.

wally and garth are obsessed with setting world records. it’s something they do in their free time constantly. the fab five are hanging out and suddenly someone looks up and realizes that garth and wally are missing? it’s because they’re trying to set a world record. and it’ll be for the weirdest stuff. how long can a human run wearing clown shoes that have spikes in them? 452 graphic calculators long. how long is the longest ramen noodle and how fast can someone slurp it up? the answer is several yards, and garth can slurp it up in about a minute. how many seahorses can someone consume? garth has to veto this one because a) he can’t do this challenge because he can carry seahorses to birth so it isn’t fair and b) he doesn’t want wally to eat seahorses. roy points out that none of these count because neither of them are human. wally and garth do not care in the slightest.

everyone’s a little terrified of how desensitized dick is. no one actually,,,,understands gotham. they’ve heard stories and hushed warnings from their mentors. but none of them have done a real patrol in gotham the way dick’s been doing for years. the mock-ones bruce sometimes lets the titans do on very special occasions are mild ones, where bruce specifically makes sure they don’t come across any of the usual gotham stuff. as a result, they all sorta chuckle nervously when dick recounts what he did over the weekend with easy tone. they work up their courage to tell dick to cool it when he’s fighting, to stop breaking so many bones, and they’re even more scared when dick turns around all confused, bc he barely noticed he was doing it and didn’t really understand why it was so bad: he was that used to it.  even worse is when they’re on a mission that takes a turn for the worse, and they see things that they halted to admit were real. horrors that make the vomit and cry and wonder why the hell they were trying so hard to save humanity if humanity is this. but throughout all of those, dick never once falters, never once acts like anything is even out of the ordinary, and completes the mission to his satisfaction. they’re all a little terrified of what gotham’ll end up turning dick into

[siswritesyanderes]

This is a series of asks bc, while I do LIKE all the charas of Fantastic Beasts individually, much of the romantic pairings dont sit well with me. By that mean the messy love polygon w Newt & I think I finally figured out why & I'd like another's opinion on it. For starters, Newt's attraction with Tina is too fast for me considering he was friends w Leta, got expelled out of Hogwarts for Leta, carried Leta's photo in his case, & basically loved her for YEARS. But this is all undone by a [1]

jaunt in NY having met a woman, who he admittedly went on a huge adventure w, over the course of maybe a few weeks. He's so taken w her she replaces Leta's photo w her own &, after refusing to go to Paris for Dumbledore, leaves immediately once he finds out she's there. I just find this unbelievable. I can rationalize it from Newt's perspective where Tina is a fresh breeze sweeping into his life on (percieved) unrequited pining, but this is my conjecture based on my understanding of Newt. [2]

The audience shouldnt be left to rationalize endgame couple of the mc on their own. & the whole thing w Leta is so messily handled I dont think they can save it even if they bring her back in FB3. How she feels for Newt vs Theseus & unresolved lingering affection, etc. She & Newt were SO important to each other & we SEE that & they dont HAVE to get together, but they need proper resolution bc they have actual history between them. God Leta in general deserved so much better. [3]

But my main gripe is that this love polygon serves no purpose to what I believe is the main selling point of FB: the world. HP having love stories makes sense bc we're following the story of a boy as he goes through adolescence & his journey through that via school is part of that, which is why the romance feels fitting. It's a very personal story. FB on the otherhand is the best peak we have at the wider wizarding world beyond school. HP introduces the world of magic, but FB rlly expands it [4]

To that end Jakob & Queenie's relationship is the only one I find myself liking, bc it's deeply tied to the world setting, the series' biggest selling point (in my opinion, should have said this earlier). It underscores the attitudes of the period & the conflict they face feels suitably substantial & not like filler. There's a moral question between them of are they worth it? And how far should they go to be together?

Imma be real hear & say FB2 was rlly Queenie's movie & they should have been ballsy & just make Queenie the mc for FB2, bc her story was actually considerably more important to the overall development of the story than Newt's, which mostly came off as a rushed & a tad clichè soap drama. & making it about Queenie I think builds more room for good conflict & independent narrative for Tina that would serve her chara better. [5? 6?]

If I bad to be REAL ballsy, I'd say my big issue w/ the relationships in the FB series & how it enhances or impedes the main story & what I believe to be it's biggest attracter (the setting) could have been solved if they made Newt's romantic interest a muggle. It attaches a deeper meaning & relevance to them & the story so it felt more deeply that they truly moved WITH the narrative rather than beside it but I guess Im just picky. Thx for putting up w this! [Final]

(My response below the cut.)

Yeah, pretty much all of this is right.

Regarding the Tina thing, it was definitely rushed, especially since there was literally nothing romantic between them in the whole first movie, except maybe the end part where they're stumbling over their words. Despite knowing how movies work and knowing that they were the male and female lead, I still found that completely out of left field, because they don't really share any interests and I didn't feel like they felt anything in particular for each other before that. She really wants to be an auror and feels really intensely about it; he just wants to travel the world and write about magical creatures and take care of them. I don't see a lot of compatibility there, and the movie didn't really do anything to reconcile that gap.

Jacob and Queenie made sense, because they actually sowed some seeds for it. It's not even about the fact that they both like to cook; they showed an interest in each other throughout. They noticeably like each other. Newt and Tina never really had that, to me, so it was bizarre for her to become his primary motivation in the second movie.

Queenie's trajectory in movie 2 overall bothers me, so while I agree it would have been better if they'd centered it more around her, I definitely think they needed to drastically rewrite pretty much everything she did. Enchanting Jacob at the beginning never sat well with me; I usually only have to say this in the Descendants fandom, but if one half of the ship is magical and the other half isn't, we can't have the magical one enchanting the non-magical one for romantic reasons without addressing what a violation of trust that is. Like, Jacob would be justified for never trusting her again, over that. Also, the fact that she apparently holds it against people if they think bad things about her is not something I would expect from someone who has been a Legilimens as long as she has, and not a detail I like, at all. Especially since it was used to give her justification to be mad at Jacob after she enchanted him in the first place. I find it sad, because Queenie was definitely my favorite character in the first movie. (Also, joining Grindelwald was a nonsensical thing to do. I can only assume she's there to spy on him or something, because it makes literally no sense.)

As for Leta, I really don't like how that was approached. First of all, I don't like how their mention of her in the first movie was "She was a taker; you need a giver," because once we actually met the character, that only made me resent Queenie for representing her that way. Leta deserved better in pretty much every way, and they definitely shouldn't have killed her off like that. I find the whole situation really iffy from a racial standpoint. The first black character to be written three-dimensionally in all of HP lore, and they make sure to preemptively tell the audience that she's a "taker", kill her in the same movie we meet her, and manage to trivialize her death by turning it into a little "Who was she saying 'I love you' to?" mystery. I like her relationship with Newt and Theseus, and I'd definitely want to see more of it.

Yes, it definitely would have been better, thematically, if they'd made the love interest a Muggle. (I'd honestly say they should've paired Newt with Jacob, but I know they're unwilling to do that. That would be kind of cool, though, to see the movie shaping up with two male characters and two female characters and have the men end up with each other and the women just live their lives as humans.)

With the story they ended up telling, though, I don't think that is needed; since Queenie is already dealing with the wizard/Muggle storyline, Newt could have a different conflict. Maybe his love interest should be a werewolf or something, to tie in the wizarding world's unresolved dislike for "half-breeds". And if he were in a relationship with someone already regarded as a creature, the wider wizarding world might take a different view to his studies and look down on him a lot more. Idk, a thought.

And then, with Leta/Theseus and Grindelwald/Dumbledore (if they were willing to actually deal with that), they'd pretty much hit every controversial beat they've got: wizard/Muggle, wizard/"half-breed", interracial, homosexual. Credence and Nagini are both creatures, kind of, but I still like them together, so their relationship doesn't have to tie into any theme; it just has to be developed way more.

On the whole, Crimes of Grindelwald felt like they skipped a movie. It feels like they needed a middle installment to make these relationships happen, instead of jumping from "Do Newt and Tina maybe have feelings for each other?" to "Newt loves Tina and Tina is possessive enough of Newt to be outwardly upset with him when she thinks he's engaged to someone else," and creating a whole relationship between Credence and Nagini that we see none of.

The fact that Queenie and Jacob were done well in the first movie gives me a fair amount of goodwill for them, but that goodwill only offers enough cushioning from the botching that movie 2 did that I'm near-indifferent to the ship, now, instead of actively opposed. I'd like to see things improved, but as it currently stands, I'd be just as happy seeing them end up not together as together. The fact that Leta's relationships with Newt and Theseus were more interesting than any of the aforementioned makes it that much more ridiculous that they killed her. What ship am I supposed to care about how? If I can't go into the next movie delusionally hoping Newt and Leta will get some moments, or enjoying the Theseus and Leta content, then I'll just be sitting there waiting for Credence and Nagini to share a screen, and who knows when that'll happen?

[touyaz]

I’m a little scared, but I’m gonna give the toxic matchups a try if you’re still doing them!! <3

Personality: I’m very introverted and quiet. I do open up and become more relaxed around friends, but I’m still reserved and also still need my alone time. If you get me talking about a personal goal or something I’m passionate about, I will become a lot more animated though, hehe. I’m pretty anxious and pessimistic and definitely a worrier. I’ve been told I’m a very good listener with a lot of patience for people and their boundaries, and I genuinely really like to help and support others and the people I care for because it makes me happy to see them happy. I’ve also been told I’m extremely kind and have a gentle, almost comforting presence? I don’t particularly like conflict and usually try to compromise on little things, but I will definitely be more stubborn on things that mean a lot to me. I also consider myself to be pretty academically smart.

Likes: Books, writing, tea, sweaters, comfortable silence, video games, summer, autumn, sweets, the beach.

Dislikes: Loud environments, yelling, carbonated drinks, spicy food, failure, needles, most bugs, bigotry, math, invasions of my privacy.

What I look for in a partner: Top most desired trait is most definitely kindness. It doesn’t even have to be a bubbly, outgoing kind of kindness as long as it’s there, you know? I also really value honestly, loyalty, and compassion. I want someone that will…care for me and let me care for them back, if that makes sense? I want us to look out for each other and know each other best without it being suffocating. I also definitely gravitate more towards the gentle and quiet and soft type of love over the spontaneous and passionate type of love. My love languages are words of affirmation and quality time. I’m not into PDA, but I LOVE little intimacies and touches when we’re alone. I really don’t think I could ever be with someone that bullies people or puts them down, or is genuinely outright cruel. I also don’t like loud or hyper people because they put me on edge, or like…extremely overly optimistic people because I need some realism.

As for fandoms, let’s do BNHA and/or JJK! Thank you Winter, I hope you’re doing well!!! <3

hello hello, thank u for giving this a go !! <3 hope you're doing well also 💘💘

i like giving him a redemption arc, but canon naoya is your toxic match-up <3 he's just........ not a kind person. especially when you first meet/ get to know him, he'll most likely say something to purposely offend you without any remorse. definitely makes fun of you outgoing personality any way he can, just wanting to make you real miserable; firm believer of chewing up kindness + spitting it out :( he's v demanding + whilst u may be accommodating/ willing to help, he's so demeaning it'll make u want to just. let him suffer. he just brings out the worst sides of you + he does it all for fun. i think once he's fixed up, he could actually be v good (he's def more of a subtle lover, likes spending quality time w you, etc.) but that's not what we're here to discuss SO i will also say ur toxic match-up is kaminari ! on the surface, u guys are fine, but when it comes to the deeper aspects of ur relationship, it's a little rocky. kaminari's a lot louder w his love, he likes to show you off bc he just cant help it!!! and even if you ask him to stop, its just.... sort of engrained into him, this want to let everyone know you're with him!! it can get tiring having to ask him to be a little quieter bc sometimes he genuinely forgets that's what you want, but also he doesn't truly want to not show you off. i hope that makes sense kajsdha tbh he probably hasnt been in many relationships which just makes him so eager to want to try out everything with you + he's not fond of holding back when it comes to doing so, he just gets overexcited. he also has no shame in doing things in public with/ to you, and when he does u kinda become the centre of attention which can get daunting. he wont mind bc he can show u off that way, but you may feel rly uncomfortable :( he's also p upbeat and definitely a lot more optimistic than u, so whilst serious conversations aren't off the table, i think he's def got a more naïve, hopeful outlook on things compared to u. tells u to stop being a bummer askjdh he's also v bad at leaving u alone bc he likes spending time w you whenever he can. and,,, he's kind of absolutely horrible at easing ur worries rip. if ur anxious abt smth, he'll start worrying abt it too even if it doesnt affect him, so he's not much help in that department either </3 good thing he's cute tho !!

[leo-culture-technology]

I don't really have anything specific in mind, I'm actually kinda lost as to what to look for jkjsksjk I know I identify with some traits, like sensory issues and difficulty communicating (I do have a diagnosis of social phobia, though I've been thinking maybe autism would better explain other aspects of my life beyond social interaction). I've been reading some articles regarding late discovering of autism and mostly looking for experiences, so I can compare to my own. I feel like I should be looking for something else but I don't really know what? lmao I don't think that was really helpful, anything you can share would be good to me

This is a really long post so I'm going to put it under a read more to not clog up other people's feeds but I think the main areas to cover are:

- verbal communication issues

was your vocabulary/reading ever under/over developed as a child? Having a really advanced vocabulary is just as much a sign of autism as having delayed development in this area. Also, having a very hard to pin down accent, or taking on others' accents Really easily is common amongst autistic people. Do you ever have trouble speaking? I experience selective mutism and when I'm overwhelmed/stressed/upset I often find it hard to speak out loud and have to communicate through messages/notes, though when I'm not mute I'm very eloquent and have always had a vocabulary that was advanced, other kids found it hard to talk to me when I was younger bc they couldn't understand me, but equally comprehension/vocabulary can be delayed/compromised and you might find it hard to understand others because you struggle with that sort of thing yourself. Do you have issues with your tone of voice ever? I find that I can't read my own tone of voice or my volume, some things will come out really bitchy-sounding or angry-sounding and I won't be able to tell, or I might be shouting and not know it because it all sounds the same in my head really.

- sensory issues

do you have issues with certain types of sound? volume? quantity? volume doesn't bother me, but too many different sources of noise will send me into a meltdown so fast. Do you struggle with certain smells, bright lights, tastes, textures of food or of clothing, certain sensations, for example I get really stressed out by having wet skin/hair, and I can't stand the sound/feeling of something rubbing over carpet. I also find some tastes to be overwhelming. Under-sensitivity or processing issues can also be a symptom. Do you ever struggle to process reading/listening to something? I have absolutely awful retention for auditory information, I can't hold more than around 4-5 words in my mind at any one time, and I can't follow auditory instructions at all if there's more than one step, it needs to be written down. I also often struggle to read things because I don't process the words and they just look like meaningless letters on a page to me. I also really struggle to process my own thoughts and order them, I'm able to talk out loud but there are times where I can't write my thoughts without speaking them first because ordering my thoughts while they're still inside my head is very difficult. I also have an under-sensitive sense of smell and taste at times. I can't even smell when meat has gone bad and everyone else I know says it really stinks, and like I can't tell the difference between chicken gravy and onion gravy, for example, because they taste almost identical to me. And senses aren't just the basic five, either. Do you have a particularly high OR low pain threshold? interoception is the perception of bodily functions. Do you have trouble identifying/noticing when you're hungry/thirsty or when you need to go to the toilet e.g. you didn't need to go pee a minute ago but now you're Suddenly absolutely bursting to go because you didn't notice it earlier at all. Proprioception is your perception of your movements, balance and of where your limbs are in relation to your surroundings. Do you bump into things or fall over seemingly nothing a lot? Have you ever been told/noticed you move "strangely"? Do you ever walk sort of on your tiptoes or toes-first rather than heels-first?

- social issues

do you have trouble reading body language? facial expressions? figurative language? tone of voice? not every autistic person will experience all of the above, I know people who can't read body language but can read tone of voice, or can't read figurative language but can read facial expressions, etc. etc. Personally I struggle with tone of voice a lot, I can't tell when people are being serious or not, or whether they're upset or not, tone of voice doesn't really tell me anything about how they're feeling of what they mean. Figurative language varies, I understand metaphors and I often understand sarcasm, although I won't get it if it's too deadpan, and I sometimes miss hyperbole and think people are being serious. I also can't tell whether people are teasing me or genuinely being mean the vast majority of the time. I tend to rely on speech patterns and word choice a lot to understand people, personally. I pick up on what sorts of words they use in what moods and use that largely to inform my interpretations of their current mood based on the words they're choosing. Do you ever struggle understanding what is/isn't socially appropriate? I overshare a lot bc I don't rlly understand what is "too much information" and what isn't, and I also don't understand really how to treat people differently based on their "social role", like I treat someone like a friend regardless of whether they're a stranger, a classmate, a friend, a family member, a colleague, a boss, a teacher, etc.

- need for routine/dislike of sudden/significant change

this isn't always as clear as like needing an entire day to be a routine, it can be little things. I'll give some examples: I have to brush my teeth in a specific way - I count the number of passes of the brush over each section of my teeth, I have to eat a sandwich in a specific order of bites, many food places I will order the same thing every/nearly every time and I will eat that order in the same way, I wash my body/hair in a certain way/order in the shower every time, sometimes I get weirdly obsessed with symmetry and I have to walk in a certain way and if I step "wrong" I have to hop around on one leg until I feel "balanced" again, I have to do my daily tasks on genshin impact in a certain order, etc. etc. I could probably think of more if I tried. I will often get distressed/overwhelmed/upset if any of these "routines" are disrupted somehow. My original method of eating a sandwich applied to when they're cut across into rectangles, so I used to hate eating triangle sandwiches because I couldn't eat them "correctly" until I figured out a similar way to eat triangle sandwiches, and now I Have to eat them in that way because it's "correct" and I'll feel uncomfortable otherwise. Note that this isn't like OCD because it's not anxiety-based, it's based on the fact that it feels like the "correct" way to do it, and that any other way is simply "wrong" and you don't like doing it "wrong". The need for routine and dislike of change might also manifest in needing to plan things ahead days in advance, you also might be like me and be very capable of impulsively doing things like going out if You decide to do it, but if someone Else suggests it, then you need the preparation time. - stimming/special interests

stimming can be honestly anything. I tap my foot, I sing, I have a whole folder names "stim games" on my phone, I type, I eat, I chew gum, I flap my arms, I scratch fabrics, I smell blankets/clothing. Stimming just means self-stimulation and is absolutely any repeated action that you find soothing/cathartic in any way. Under here I'm also going to mention samefoods: foods that you feel comfortable eating even when you don't feel comfortable eating anything else. Like if too much flavour/smell/texture feels overwhelming, most autistic people will have food/s that aren't at all stressful to eat and they can default to at those times. Mine is a specific brand of chicken nuggets, I'll often fall back on those when eating anything else feels overwhelming but I need to eat Something, and I can usually handle those when I can't handle other things.

as for special interests, they are anything that you're kind of obsessed with. You can have multiple, they can change over your life, but your interest tends to go much deeper than that of a neurotypical person's and you feel a need to know everything about it and struggle to hold conversations about other topics because it kind of just takes over your brain. when I was younger some of my special interests were final fantasy, anime, hello kitty, languages/linguistics has always been a special interest of mine, kpop is definitely one, astrology is also for sure one. I fall in and out of being obsessed enough with genshin to call it a special interest. I had a friend in highschool whose special interest was the periodic table, for a while they were obsessed with the 8 times table, and then it became dinosaurs. My little brother is autistic and his special interest has always been video games, he's really interested in retro games, he loves Minecraft and Mario too, when he was younger it was ben 10 for a while, there was also a period where all he wanted to do as a kid was rewatch the cars movies. Media likes to portray special interests as being academic but they can truly be absolutely anything. A desire to know absolutely everything about trains or flowers or kpop is just as much a special interest as neurology or maths or physics or smth like that.

Another thing I've just thought of to be noted, is hygiene:

some autistic people might appear to have borderline OCD tendencies where they can't handle dirt/mess and need everything to be tidy/clean all the time. This is definitely one of the stereotypes. But struggling with hygiene is just as much a symptom of autism. If you struggle to remember to shower/wash hands/brush teeth/do laundry/etc. that could well be an autism symptom. I found out I'm sensitive to mint and especially to toothpaste, it makes my mouth feel like it's burning and like I'll actually cry if it touches my tongue bc it hurts that much lmao. I discovered a toothpaste that's unflavoured and doesn't foam up and now I can brush my teeth without pain but for a long time I struggled with consistently brushing teeth bc of that. I also struggle with showering bc of being stressed out by wet hair/skin. Sometimes it's also a memory thing, and I forget to do these things. I also absolutely suck at keeping my room clean, idk why I just Really Can't lmaoooooo

I'm certain there are things I haven't covered, these are mostly pulling from my own experiences of autism from myself and those around me. All of this might apply to you, it might not, but I hope it makes sense and has given you a good starting point of things to examine within yourself and questions to ask yourself <3 I wish you well bub and please always feel free to ask more questions and/or talk to me more about your experiences <3

[gvnchvcks]

A few days or maybe a week into being hired is when Fiona finds out most of the crew live in the penthouse with Geoff, at which point she immediately demands a sleepover. Nails will be painted, hair will be braided, boys will be talked about, nobody is safe

YES, SO MUCH YES, I LOVE THIS OKAY SO-

Fiona gets this idea because she wants to know more about the crew as a whole and she wants to hang with her newfound family, and what better way to get to know someone than when it's 4 am and you're all tired as hell telling secrets or something?? So she calls Geoff up and is like, "Hey dad can I have a sleepover?" (Yes she actually says that, you cant convince me otherwise) and Geoff is like ?? What? And so she explains her plan to him and he's automatically on board. They have no jobs coming up for at least a month, why not let loose? So she makes a huge group chat for the entire crew to let them know, and also she's like, wait why dont you guys have a group chat already wth

So now everyone is ready and hyped!! She shows up at the penthouse super early that morning to help Jack and Ryan prepare for having 11 people in it for one whole night. (We all know Gav isn't finna help, Geoff is asleep, and Michael and Jeremy are helping as well, but mostly with cleaning up a bit and finding entertainment) By 2 in the afternoon, things look great!! The furniture in the living room has been moved around a bit so there's enough room in the middle, where a bunch of pillows and blankets are likely gonna be placed. There's a Switch and an X-Box by the tv, ready to be played. Board and card games like Twister, Uno, and Monopoly are set to the side, ready to cause trouble. Snacks are spread throughout the room, unopened sodas, beer, candy, and chip bags. It all looks great, and Fiona is so excited!! The first one to arrive is Matt, Switch and two boxes of donuts in hand. Then, the Twins, Trevor and Alfredo. Wearing matching adult sized onesies they picked up along the way! And finally, Lindsay. She's a bit latez but nobody questions it because it's well. It's Lindsay.

Everyone is finally here!! The livingroom and kitchen are full of people chatting and playing games. (Lets say they're playing Animal Crossing bc I'm obsessed lol) and Geoff is even out of bed now too. Everyone went all out on this, and Fiona couldn't be happier. All wearing pajamas and sitting on the floor or laying on the couches and chairs, like the children they all are on the inside. Eating candy, even making a bit of a mess, but they'll just clean it up later. It's around 10 pm when Lindsay calls for everyone's attention from her spot on the floor.

"So, as you all know, I was a bit late today. BUT do you know why that is?"

A few wrong answers later, she digs into a backpack she brought with her and out comes a slew of makeup, brand new, and a ton of face paint and nail polish. Fiona squeals and is like, "You actually brought it, yesss! Who's our first victim?"

Michael and Geoff immediately nope out of there and head to the kitchen, but everyone else seems game. Especially Gavin and Alfredo, who practically jump in front of the two girls, tripping over people along the way. Gavin occasionally wears a bit of makeup or nail polish here or there, so he wants his face painted! His mistake? Asking Lindsay to do it. 30 minutes later, she's done with her masterpiece. Gavin looks in the mirror, expecting to see a mess, but he actually doesn't hate it? A gold drips painted from his forehead that go over his left eye, and a small gold heart under his right eye. He actually looks really cool! Then, he turns around to show the others, and they laugh?? Why are they laughing? He looks pristine! He looks again. Oh. That's not a heart. It's a dick. He let's out one of his signature loud squawks of shock and disappointment, with a "Lindsayyy!!" Thrown in for good measure, and jumps over the others to run to the kitchen sink.

During all of this though, Fiona and Alfredo arent laughing. Fiona is laser focused on making Fredo the hottest person in the room. And she does. She stares at her work, nearly an hour after she started, and is proud. Alfredo is loving it too, making kissy faces at the other crew members, posing and showing off his red nails while Jack takes pictures of him using a Polaroid she bought just for this occasion.

Anyways, that's all done. Nobody else wants to get their faces done, in fear they'll end up like poor ol Gav, so they move on (tho Fredo and Gav do keep their looks, Gav is just missing the "heart") Things calm down again for a bit, and everyone is telling stories. Fiona is in the middle of talking about what her life in France was like before moving to Los Santos, when she realizes she's been subconsciously braiding Matt's hair while he sits in front of her on the floor. She stops and is joking like, "aw dude wtf I've been touching Matt's hair" and then Matt is like, "Yeah but this is actually not a bad look if I'm being honest" and the others agree with him! Michael says it makes him look a bit less like an animal (I swear I love Matt lmao but you know they'd bully him during this, nobody is safe) and then Trevor is like, "you should do Ryan's next!! He has long hair too!!"

Ryan is against it at first but eventually is forced to take Matt's spot on the floor, and by the time Fiona's story is done, so is Ryan's new look, and lemme tell ya. That boy can ROCK a braid. Everyone is like, "Daaaamn, Ry, look at you GO" and "Of course he looks better than Matt, the dude was a model" and this actually makes Ryan kinda happy!! He likes his friends giving him validation, sorry I don't make the rules.

The night continues as normal. More stories are told, and they slowly start to get deeper as it gets later. Stories of their past lives, their first kills and first crimes, and romance too. They talk about their worst and best past relationships, what they're looking for in a partner, things like that.

(This is about to get a bit shippy, so I'm sorry if you dislike any of these ships, they're just the ones I personally like and wanted to write about, with my own headcanons for each character and their sexualities. If anybody is interested in me talking about my personal HC's for that, send in an ask tho cause this is already kinda long lol)

At one point, Trevor actually draws attention to himself. Things are quiet and more chill now. Everyone is being supportive, so this is good as time as any-

"Uh, actually, I kinda wanna tell you guys something since we're on the topic. I'm..bisexual."

Everyone is silent for a second, and he actually starts to get nervous, then Lindsay pipes up with

"Dude, hell yeah, bi gang! Love wins, what's up!"

Everyone smiles and laughs, and Fiona highfives Lindsay. Geoff is the next to speak up, "That's great news, Trevor. When did this realization hit you, bud? I've known you for a while now, I had no idea."

"Oh, it was actually maybe..a few months ago? A year maybe? Yeah. About half a year ago I'd say."

Michael chimes in next,

"Wait, isn't that also when you found Fredo and introduced him to Geoff?"

A few oooooh's ring out and Trevor tries to hide his face by looking down and chuckling.

"Uh, yeah. It is.. Anyways! What about you guys? Jeremy, what's your type?" He looks to the shorter male who's lounging on a beanbag near the tv, trying to divert everyone's attention from himself. Jeremy thinks for a second and takes a sip of his beer.

"Hm. Not sure. I like tough people who have a soft side usually, just like me.."

As he names off a few other things he finds attractive, Jack shoots a knowing look over to Ryan. Ryan's had a thing for Jeremy for a while now, and only she knows about it. When you're the crew mom, your kids tell ya everything.

This continues for a while longer with more almost-confessions, before people eventually start slowly passing out. (After a few games of Uno of course. The Monopoly stayed untouched, and they started a game of Twister but were to drunk to stay still and kept toppling onto each other painfully.)

This is a bit longer than I intended and I left out a LOT I wanted to put in but I don't wanna make these too long aishsijsjs I'm not good at writing lol I'm sorry, but I hope you like this!! I could elaborate on other aspects of anyone is curious, I'll be accepting these asks all day so keep em coming 💚💚💚

[theropoda]

3, 4, 6-8, 11, 13-17, 19-22, 26-30 uwu

WOO LAD THAT’S A LOT THANK U!!! this got long and i wrote an essay or two LOL so im putting it under a readmore!

3: Best game you’ve ever played? WEEEELLLL.......let me preface this with two things: one, i am a FAKE GAMER as in my laptop is not at all made for gaming, it’s piss poor, so a big chunk of games i’m interested in is because i watched a playthrough of them lol. i have a 3ds but only 3 games on it (animal crossing new leaf, tomodachi life, nintedogs & cats). second, i’m very bad at choosing favorites of things.....BUUUUT .....i choooooose, in no particular order, OFF, pigeonetics, elder scrolls oblivion, pathologic classic HD!! i’m more than likely forgetting a few though, so sorry about that

4: Worst game you’ve ever played? as i said above, cannot choose favorites, neither can i choose whatever the opposite of favorites is but...uhh, does lif even count as a game? like lif, the stupid little furry flash game i remember playing on some shady website. it was surprisingly very active with a BUNCH of people there but i kept dying like every 5 seconds....AWFUL

6: A game that’s changed you the most? WELL define Changed.....ummm aha first thing that comes to mind is OFF. it’s one of those things where you never knew you wanted something so fucking bad until you saw it--and it’s like that for me. i NEVER knew i loved that odd, surreal, colorful, “looks playful and simple in some parts but incredibly violent and unnerving in other parts” aesthetic til i played it. like aesthetically i love that game to BITS and something about it just stuck with me til the end of time.

later in life (meaning, past year or so) it changed me because it taught me a lesson about storytelling and creative endeavors. a very useful lesson. which is: things don’t really need to have a meaning. stories, art, music, writing, whatnot, while it CAN be deep and meaningful, while you CAN use it as a way to communicate with the world about all kinds of heartfelt things, it can also be...nothing, really.

once i, as usual, got ridiculously overwhelmingly sad about small things. specifically seeing other people around me come up with all kinds of deep and meaningful characters and stories, sometimes putting them into webcomics or writings of theirs, and they were all so well-thought out and detailed and what i envied most was people put a lot of themselves and their experiences into them, venting and coping through them, whilst also making these larger-than-life grandiose complex stories and worlds and so on and so forth.

it made me look at my own ideas and get mad/frustrated at how shallow they were. but then i remembered OFF and i felt better because Fun Fact, mortis ghost has a now-abandoned dA account and if you go through the comment section on his profile, he answers a lot of fan questions and he mentions several times that the game didn’t really have a “meaning”, it didn’t really have a “deeper story” or moral or anything, really. i’m paraphrasing this but i vividly remember him saying “i wanted to make a game, so i did”.

that made me feel a lot better because it made me realise that sometimes art--especially stories, in my case-- doesn’t NEED to be DEEP or have MEANING...sometimes it can just BE!!!! sometimes it really can just be all about AESTHETICS like who GIVES a shit if there’s a hidden meaning if you take the first letter of all of your characters’ names and put them backwards, sometimes all that matters is if they just VIBE with you y’know....

yume nikki is similar in this regard bc that game doesn’t have any story other than “collect egg” and yet it’s so impactful. that game doesn’t have a story or meaning it just IS........ :) GOD THATS SO LONG IM SORRY ABOUT THAT but yeah. funny violent ghostbusting baseball man is a game that changed me :)

7: A game you’ll never forget? OFF AGAIN LOL,,, it’s just so memorable because of how unique it is. visuals, soundtrack, story, everything is so memorable. unforgettable. oh god you can tell how much i love this damn game can’t you

8: Best soundtrack? yakuza 0, OFF, there is a picture (another game by mortis ghost, again composed by alias conrad coldwood who also composed OFF), pigeonetics (the entire soundtrack of which is here), jojo’s bizarre adventure all star battle and eyes of heaven, silent hill 2 & 3, undertale....probably forgetting more but all of these...earcandy

11: Hardest game you’ve played? i am a shitty gamer so this is Most games i’ve played lol!! but uhh..well you see. hardest game i remember playing as of recent is pathologic classic hd in which it’s...not only hard to understand what any character is saying at any given time lol but also, i don’t think it’s HARD it’s just...you need to focus. you REALLY need to fucking focus and pay attention in this game. so i wouldn’t say its HARD, but i’m only putting this here bc it’s in recent memory.

i say recent memory because the true answer is susceptible to “yeah, but now you’re older, it must not be so hard.” as in if i played it now i think i’d have a way easier time. but when i was around....10-12 years old i had several ps3 video game adaptations of animated movies and i had SUCH a fucking hard time with them. g-force, bolt and up in particular were fucking HARD. like genuinely, the hardest time i had EVER had in my live playing video games is tied to these three fucking games. g-force and bolt ESPECIALLY. one particular level in bolt took both me AND my sister around a year to fucking finish.

again, i was baby, so i bet i’d have a much easier time with them now that i’m 17. but for now, in my experience, bolt and g-force for the ps3 were harder than pathologic classic. i think icepick lodge should take a few notes for them for pathologic 2.

13: A game you were the most excited for when it wasn’t released yet? STREETS OF KAMUROCHO...i spent the entire day of its release anticipating its launch lol

14: A game you think would be cool if it had voice acting? hmm..most games i like and know about do have voice acting so i dunno....i guess it would’ve been kind of cool if morrowind had like, full proper voice acting. but i can understand why it only voice acted things like greetings and battle insults because GOD that game is SO...complicated...and as a result, the conversations are so lengthy and text-full. playing morrowind is really like a goddamn book! if it was voice acted i’m sure all that information would have to be shortened bc i know no one is going to fucking voice act two whole paragraphs

15: Which two games do you think would make an awesome crossover? pigeonetics and yakuza in which instead of being about the criminal underworld it’s about shady and unethical pigeon clubs, breeding, racing, etc etc...a lot of illegal shit does happen in the world of pigeons especially when it comes to racing; prized racers have been kidnapped and held for ransom before. and then there’s Avian Cucking: The Sport, where people breed the sexiest pigeons (horseman thief pouters), release them outside to seduce other people’s sexy pigeons, and bring them back and keep ‘em, drama ensues. will kiryu ever escape his past as a professional pigeon-napper, and find solace in his new life as a pigeon hobbyist? find out now by playing YACOOZA......

JOKES ASIDES i don’t know i really don’t....umm, pigeonetics and animal crossing somehow?? :O... like, instead of managing your own town it’s managing your own loft!...orrrr, the jojo games (all star battle & eyes of heaven) with yakuza, because i think they’re somewhat similar because they’re both haha Wacky Silly AND serious over the top fighty-fighting.....or maybe a crossover with OFF and discover my body, which, despite being an incredibly short and obscure indie game i still love to bits for what it’s worth. WAIT ANIMAL CROSSING AND MINECRAFT THAT WOULD FUCK SO HARD OH MY GOD

16: Character you’ve hated most? From what game? i can’t think of any character i like, HATE...with a burning passion.. there are a few i dislike or have a complicated relationship with though.. i’m not interested in the series anymore but ouma from drv3...i’ll admit that he is a bit fun sometimes, especially in the very early beginning he’s a likeable brat but as the game progresses he becomes more irritating than anything and i have an issue with him in regards to writing, despite the fact that i have never been awake in any english class ever lol. it’s too long to put in this already long post but i’ll keep it at that. if you like him, well, good for you for finding joy in something i couldn’t! but he just doesn’t do it for me.

AH I JUST REMEMBERED....MINE......FROM YAKUZA 3....maybe i’d change my mind if i watched a playthrough of y3 again, because i think you always absorb something better on your second watch (tho i honestly Dont have the energy to do that all over again, the yakuza games are too fucking long), but i really hate his writing. spoilers for y3 but, i think mine’s writing, alongside other things in the game, were super messy...and a big part of why i hate him is that not only is he one of those “could’ve had great potential but fell flat” sorta guys but also his love for daigo is seen as some fans as good gay rep and i?????/.............um....WELL let’s just say that, i think people nowadays will see any gay character ever in any circumstance and say it’s good gay rep just based off the fact that A Gay Character exists....he was Not, good gay rep imo....he was not, let alone, Good. .........

17: What game do you never tell people you play? can’t think of any games i wouldn’t tell people i play.. idk exactly what this question’s asking. does it mean what game you don’t tell ppl you play bc you’re embarrassed about it...? i’m not very embarrassed by any of them. the only thing that comes close, i guess, is uhh lioden and wolvden. i’ve only interacted with those communities a LITTLE TINY WEE BIT, yet of what i’ve seen it’s a goddamn dumpster fire and i’d never want to be associated with them lol

19: Which game do you think deserves a revival? i’m well aware it’ll never happen and that it’s more a wet dream than anything but...PT/silent hills..... on a more realistic/”could happen” note, PIGEONETICS!!!! SERIOUSLY, it’s an amazing game about amazing animals and it teaches genetics in a very simplified and efficient way!! genetics is SO hard for me to understand, i fucking hated studying it but this game really helped me understand how it works AND its super engaging and interesting!! HOWEVER, of all the pigeon genes we know of, only a handful were seen in pigeonetics and i’d LOVE a sequel that employs new game mechanics AND new genes!! i wanna learn about bronze and stencil genes! i wanna learn about phenotypes like grizzled and pied!!! genes like sooty and dirty!!! @ UNIVERSITY OF UTAH GENETICS DEPARTMENT PLEASE IM BEGIGNG YOU

20: What was the first video game you ever played? earliest memories of Gaming involves me at my aunt’s house playing two games: super mario brothers and some kind of trapeze game. i don’t remember anything else though

21: How old were you when you first played a video game? i can’t remember but i must’ve been REAL tiny.... 6-9 years, maybe??

22: If you could immerse yourself in any game for one day, which game would it be? What would you do? immerse myself meaning go into their world...? huh....on one hand i’d like to go in the world of yakuza 0 to play in the arcades and do whore related activities but i’d also love to go into the world of animal crossing (and i’m pretty sure i’d be some sort of generic dromaeosaurid in that game!!) and shop, chat with villagers, do chores for them, go fishing, bug hunting, eat delicious fucking food like the apples mangos peaches cherries etc etc.....OH AND FOSSIL HUNTING THAT’S THE BEST PART!! though it would definetly be a little weird, to be a little dinosaur and finding a fossil of a...little dinosaur....i guess the non-sentient species went extinct and the dinosaur i am is some kind of, descendant of a sapient non-avian dinosaur that survived the k-pg extinction event...oh but who cares all i want is a cool little ambulocetus fossil or something. and some cherry pie :)

26: Handheld or console? my old ps3 just went kaput one day years ago so i haven’t used it in years so i can’t compare well... but i’d say handheld, because it lets me like DO stuff more...would love to get a console one day, a ps4 maybe but i’m kinda worried it’ll make me stay in one room all day wasting away my time when there’s other stuff i can do, y’know? but something handheld like my 3ds, on the other hand...i can do stuff with it. i can take it to my room and play it between breaks i take as i clean the room and fold my clothes, i can watch something on the tv and play the game during ad breaks, i can take it outside too if it has charge to last me a while! so....handheld i guess

27: Has there ever been a moment that has made you cry? yakuza 0 and undertale in particular have ALMOST made me fucking bawl with many of its moments....yakuza 0 especially, after that Fucking Ending i had trouble sleeping because oh my fucking god. video game people SAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

28: Which character’s clothes do you wish you owned the most?

29:  Which is more important, gameplay or story? HMMM....well, if i were to play a game with a shitty story but really good and fun gameplay i’d probably continue playing it for the gameplay. but if i played a game with shitty gameplay but an interesting story, there is a chance i’d play it more for the sake of the story but also i might just quite and see the rest of the story on youtube or something. i’m more likely to go through a boring story for fun gameplay than go through boring gameplay for an interesting story, so i guess gameplay is more important to me....that is, WHEN i actually own and play a game as opposed to when i just watch someone play a game because i don’t own the game but wanna know abt the story lol

30: A game that hasn’t been localized in your country that you think should be localized? i have no idea how video game localization really works....but i assume localizing a game in india would mean something like, removing content according to cultural norm and also somehow translating it into the 22 official languages..? or just two or three language if it’s tied to a particular state, which seems way more doable. i honestly have no idea? i’ve never interacted w the indian gaming community that much to be honest, all i know of it is of the video games i’ve seen sold in some game stores and a few whispers about like solid snake or whoever from my school’s cafeteria....the most popular games here, to my knowledge, are those very streamable games like fortnite and PUBG and your call of duties and whatnot. those generic shooters. and even then, that honestly isn’t the “indian” gaming community bc this country is so FUCKHUGE, it’s just tamil nadu. one state.

soooo, according to what little i know of gaming interests in where i live, i don’t think any of the games i like should be localized here bc i don’t really think there’s an audience for it as far as i can tell :( maybe animal crossing? it’s a fun little games for all ages and i think it has a chance of becoming popular here, so maybe that is worth a shot! but i can’t think of any other game that i like that really has an audience here (other than Me lol)

[gayregis]

if you've read season of storms is it any good? i read a sample and was kind of bored but i don't want to spend money on it if it's going to be like,,,,,,,,,lady of the lake

reading this i was like “wait lady of the lake was good though,” then i paused to actually think about it as a cohesive narrative for a bit, and went “actually wait never mind :/...” it was good thematically, and there were a lot of great scenes, but like as a whole book... if you could only read that book on its own... it would be very long and confusing. i just think lotl’s good because i do the uncivilized thing of skipping around to the parts i like and then i don’t read the parts i dislike

but luckily i have already ranted about season of storms before, and i’ll post that rant here now. for context, i actually read season of storms from cover to cover... yeah.

overall, it's a disorganized and aimless plot. it's set inbetween tlw and sod, so there's no quest to find ciri, because geralt hasnt met ciri yet, he's still our free bachelor geralt. which means hes still quite directionless and when it comes to his personal life it's mostly preoccupied with romance. but more importantly it means the plot is incredibly aimless and NOT PERSONAL to geralt, like all the stories in TLW and SOD and all the saga books revolve around events and people super meaningful to him. what happens in the plot is a whole JUMBLE of things that feel like sidequests from the witcher games, not a story from the witcher books. nothing really means anything for geralt's character development, and it suffers from being so long because there's like a lot of different settings and characters and everything just seems completely thrown together, mashed up, and not coordinated. 

i will admit that baptism of fire & tower of the swallow followed a style of “random encounters” in which geralt and the company traverse on and just interact with whatever they happen to find, but it felt like they were accruing knowledge (and also. members of the company) as they travelled on. in season of storms, it feels like geralt starts over and the entire book resets itself every time there is a new scene. none of the plotlines fit together, so it is just a super confusing and exhausting reading experience, unlike in bof & tos, where you can follow the action quite easily and it’s very pleasant to read because it’s all one continuous storyline.

in addition, all of these mashed up stories are pointless, because they dont END with the reader learning anything about the universe the characters live in or their relationships with each other. we might learn that sorcerers are power-hungry, but we already knew that. we might learn that people are violent and corrupt, but we already knew that. we might learn that geralt loves yennefer, but we already knew that. in the short stories, you learn so much about the world and geralts relationships (for example: we learn so much about the situations surrounding the elves in edge of the world, so it’s worth reading because otherwise you will not understand anything when the scoia’tael show up in blood of elves and later in the saga). and in the saga, this continues and more worldbuilding/relationship building occurs (geralt and ciri’s relationship grows from a question of price and then becomes crazy right around baptism of fire when they’re super linked by destiny). it really doesnt in season of storms. you don’t learn anything meaningful about the world or the characters like in the other witcher books.

another large flaw is that in the stories and saga, sapkowski was really good at creating likeable, enigmatic characters no matter how few pages he had to create them. they were deep and almost lifelike and also usually told a larger message. the NPCs- sorry, "characters" in season of storms are SUPER flat and uninteresting.

coral is h*rny for geralt and jealous of yennefer, like every sorceress ever to exist, pratt is a dick and corrupt, degerlund is corrupt and evil, mosaik is timid, the werewolf guy is JUST THERE, the auguara isn’t super interesting despite being cool, nimue feels flatter as a character than usual, even dandelion- okay actually jk i liked dandelion he was the sunny part of this book AS ALWAYS ... ofc he felt one-dimensional but he usually does so you know, EVEN GERALT feels a little one-dimensional and not his typical introspective self

one of the worst things sapkowski did was [SPOILERS] make the major villain character of the book gay and feminine... like its mentioned SO many times that "ohhhh this is a man that looks like a woman WOW HOW EVIL!" and he literally does the worst things like rip ppl to shreds and want to kill geralt painfully by torture with syringes, also he uses his sexuality to ?? seduce an older sorcerer to be his favorite so he can keep his job as a sorcerer?? 

and OK vilgefortz and bonhart arent complex villains. but theyre despicable and it feels a little deeper bc vilgefortz has that backstory and hunger for power, and bonhart is just terrifying and the embodiment of wretched evil, this guy from season of storms is just annoying and anime villainy like “OOHOHOH watch how i kill you now >:)” also theres a lot of crass humor like fart jokes and villains that are described as really super ugly like omg wow never saw that one coming!!! it just feels super bland and basic and almost like the antithesis of The Witcher as short stories and a saga, super out of place with the rest of the series. [END SPOILERS]

in my opinion, the BIGGEST FLAW with season of storms is that since the plot is so all over the place, and since the characters are so flimsy, the entire book feels meaningless. it feels like it would appease games or netflix fans who just want to read about geralt going on some crazy adventures, and it does serve that purpose, but it is NOT a “book belonging to the witcher series.” it has no depth where there should be... i do not feel like sapkowski is trying to tell me something as a reader about human nature, or the nature of parent-child relationships, or society, or violence and war... 

it just feels like geralt is doing all of this shit just because sapkowski had some remaining ideas and wanted to get all of them out into the world all in the same book, like sewing a vest out of fabric scraps. it was not refined like the witcher saga, because none of them were really meant to fit together anyways, and because they weren’t meant to fit together, there is a distinct lack of message and substance to it.

TLDR: no cohesive narrative and a confusing plot, no deeper underlying message or arguments about humanity or society or nature being made by the author, cheap new side & background characters, no ciri and no yennefer so geralt is quite directionless and stupid

other remarks that are just my personal preferences and comments:

geralt & dandelion:

geralt mostly works alone in this book... which is... not my favorite. this is why i got bored with tw3 after i read the witcher books, because i can’t stand geralt being alone, the world feels so... lonely! although he meets up with dandelion and has an affair with coral in season of storms, most of the book is him waffling about with side and background characters that i couldn’t care less about because sapkowski put no effort into developing them to be enigmatic or at least lifelike and likable (unlike some really minor characters in the witcher saga that, although they were so minor, were incredibly likable: for example, applegatt and toruviel i quite like). 

of course, i also have a preference for when geralt hangs out with dandelion, because it usually creates more of a lighter tone for the scenes and a more humorous nature overall, plus geralt changes his personality to be not in such a bad mood and we get to see him being kind and friendly. so it annoys me that although dandelion has some scenes with geralt, they never really have deep conversations like they do in a little sacrifice, or witty remarks & banter like in the edge of the world... i feel like dandelion was quite in-character for the whole book, which is good, but also, he’s dandelion so he’s pretty easy to get in character. he’s just easy-going, arrogant, preoccupied with earthly delights, cowardly, and friendly to geralt. but it annoyed me that their scenes together were both not very deep, and that they didn’t get as much interaction as i think they deserved. usually in a witcher book or story in which geralt and dandelion have met, they stay by each other’s side for like, the whole book or story, lmao... 

that being said, they do have some fun moments in this book and dandelion has some funny lines which i quite enjoy. like. they are eating at an inn, and the innkeeper asks them “how are you finding the pork?” and dandelion replies, “we’re finding it among the kasha. from time to time. not as often as we’d like to.” and somehow i just find that line so fucking funny... i think it’s just because it’s really relatable

sorcery:

coral is SOOOOO one-dimensional, she really is just like the same character as fringilla vigo or some other sorceress that’s jealous of yennefer for getting to bang geralt, and this lack of characterization is super transparent. people laugh about how many affairs geralt has had, but they never discuss how all of them have been super uneasy and unfulfilling.

already said that i hate degerlund as a character and all of the sorcerers being morally wack is predictable if you’ve read like, anything from the saga about the sorcerer/esses. also geralt talking with sorcerers is like, interesting if the sorcerer in question is vilgefortz, but everyone else is just super boring

other:

i didn’t really like ferrant de lettenhove until the very end of the book (which i won’t spoil) but because of this end, i wished that he got more backstory/development

NIMUE I LOVE YOU and it was nice that nimue got some more backstory in this.

i do enjoy the end of the book. not to say “my favorite part is when it ended,” but it’s true, because the ending in kerack is interesting and full of drama, the moments in the inn are alright if a little void of substance, the ending with geralt and dandelion on horseback is beautiful, and the epilogue with nimue is wistful and beautiful as well.

sheer pettiness:

oh my GOD why are the CHAPTERS so SHORT? it’s like, 20 chapters plus a bunch of interludes and an epilogue, and the book is only 357 pages long. it feels like as soon as i was getting into a scene, it switched to another chapter. i mean, idk whether i prefer this, or the haphhazard long as fuck chapters from baptism of fire where i’m not quite sure when a chapter begins or ends because i memorized the scenes and not when a chapter occurs. 

i dislike how coral is on the cover of it, even though it’s fitting, because if there was a work about... oh idk... the hansa... then angouleme could have been on the cover... and then i could have had geralt + yennefer + ciri + dandelion + the hansa on the covers... like wow that would be cool...

this book would have functioned much better as a series of short stories... i think sapkowski has talent for the short story medium, but novel-length books are more desirable by publishers, but this is literally just a guess, i don’t have anything to back this up

my recommendation: don’t buy it if you are just looking to read the witcher books as in, get a feel for the book canon world and characters. it’s pretty unnecessary for that. do buy it if you are a completionist like me / the witcher is something you’ve been into for years and you’re about to buy all the books as a set and it would feel weird to not have all eight books on your shelf and it’s only like $5 more to buy the set of 8 as compared to the set of 7. don’t read it and expect perfection, it’s basically like “drabbles” but canon from the author. there are like 2 or 3 nice gerlion moments if you care about that.

[kyukun]

Dear (OumaSai)

yes ofc! i listened to dear by cavetown when i wrote this bc honestly it gave off the perfect vibe for it. i was suuuper tempted to go heavy angst but i restrained myself hehe… hope you enjoy!!

prompt list

prompt: 52. “Why don’t you tell me why you really came here tonight?”

title: Dear

summary: Your teen years are never easy. You undergo tons of changes and realizations and it gets overwhelming. Especially if you’re Kokichi. 

word count: 1450

** slight homophobia, internalized homophobia mention + self-esteem issues

~~ prompt starts after cut! ~~

Shuichi awoke to a gentle tap on his window. It had to be around two or three in the morning at the time when he heard the knock. The sleep still apparent in his eyes, he gazed over the side of his bed and out towards his window. A small frame waved at him; not quite sure who it was, Shuichi decided to inspect it further. Was this a stupid idea? Maybe. But regardless, he got curious. So in his sleepy state, he walked over towards the body and as he got closer, he recognized the figure was Kokichi Ouma. Why in the world was he here so late at night? 

He knew Kokichi had a habit of not being able to fall asleep easily but this seemed a bit excessive. Shuichi worriedly opened up his window, grabbing an extra blanket to wrap around the teen as he flung the window carefully. “What are you doing here? Kokichi, do you know what time it is?” He asked as the boy giggled, climbing over into his room. Kokichi held a playful grin as the latter wrapped his petite body in a warm and cozy blanket.

He took a seat on Shuichi’s messy bed, “Hey, Shumai~ And well, duh! Of course I know what time it is, I couldn’t sleep.” Shuichi quietly shushed him, his natural voice being a little too loud. His uncle was sleeping not too far from him. Though he was down the hall, Shuichi couldn’t help but remain cautious. He could only imagine the kind of trouble he’d be in for allowing Kokichi in this last. “Right, sorry.” Kokichi let out another giggle, his eyes playfully rolled as his lips curled into a smirk. He huffed as Kokichi continued to stare into his eyes.

For some reason, something felt off. 

He didn’t know if he was being nitpicky but Kokichi didn’t seem like, well, Kokichi. His mannerisms were the same, sure, but something about the look in his eyes felt different from usual. He looked sad almost? Either that or deeply troubled by something.

Possibly both.

He knew Kokichi wasn’t one for discussing feelings though. The boy never really told anyone how he truly felt deep inside, bottling up every piece of anger and sadness he festered. It wasn’t something Shuichi was fond of either. No, he didn’t like it at all. He understood where he had came from but it wasn’t healthy fot him to do those things. And Kokichi knew how much Shuichi disliked it, but he never said anything about it. 

“Why couldn’t you sleep? Something on your mind?”

Kokichi bit his lip hesitantly. Yes, that was exactly it. Something had been plaguing his mind recently. 

“Nah. It’s more of a "School is making me stressed and tired and my body isn’t used to that yet” type thing, ya know?“ He confessed as his body became one with the bed underneath him.The black blanket that had previously been wrapped around his front lazily dripped off his body, the majority of it still covering him but parts hung off the side. Shuichi smiled, taking a seat next to the sprawled out teen. "Yeah, me too.” His lips formed into a halfhearted smile while his eyes remained focused on the plain white ceiling above him. 

His mind grew hazy. He didn’t like lying to Shuichi like this. It hurt him. “Are you sure you’re fine? You seem… I dunno… different?”

Ah, so he did catch on.

Kokichi sat back in silence way longer than he would’ve liked, going back and forth with himself debating if he should tell the truth. “Tot-a-lly fine, Saihara-chan. Jeez, such a worry wart.” He reassured, flickering his eyes towards Shuichi who had a worried expression on his face. He couldn’t see too well but he could still see his face glow a bit from the moonlight that entered his room. Shuichi had his eyes furrowed with his lips into a deep frown. He looked beautiful in every angle. 

Kokichi felt his face crumble into a scrunched up one, his entire body feeling like it was on fire.

He didn’t like it.

“Kokichi, listen, I know you don’t like talking about it but… Why don’t you tell me why you really came here tonight?”

There it was.

There it fucking was.

Kokichi could feel his own heart rate go rapid. Why did he have to be so concerned with him? Why did he have to be so nice? Maybe Shuichi would understand how he felt? Maybe he wouldn’t. A wave crashed over him filled with anxiety and self-hatred. Even if Shuichi was one of the most accepting people he knew, he couldn’t help but hesitate. "It’s just that… I feel… sort of… confused at the moment.” And with that word spill, the rest followed after. It was as though a dam on the brink of cracking had finally had its last breath, releasing all of the contents it had previously carried.

Shuichi shifted himself towards Kokichi, allowing for him to continue talking as he listened intently. “I… I don’t know. It’s honestly hard for even me to comprehend this. Sorry this is such a shitty explanation, I don’t know how else to say this but… I think—I think I’m gay.”

Oh.

Oh.

Oh shit. Well that was unexpected. Shuichi was a bit taken aback, not clear on how to process this. “O-oh, Kokichi—" 

"Stop. I’m not done yet. Please just… let me talk before you say anything.” Kokichi was now sitting up, his legs crossed on the bed as he was now facing Shuichi. His lips pressed into a firm line as he nodded, staring down at Kokichi as he fumbled nervously with his fingers. “I never really realized it until now, honestly. Shocker, I know. But… you know my parents aren’t accepting of these types of things and… I can’t help but feel guilty? Like it’s something I should be ashamed of or whatever. I mean, I’m not but that’s how I’ve felt. I’ve been thinking about whether or not I should tell anybody and you’re the first.”

Kokichi could feel the tears sting in his eyes and before he knew it, a few tears had already made their way down his face. “Hooray! Aha…” He cheered sadly, his hands balling into fists as he shook them in front of his chest before they eventually collapsed into his lap. “It’s sad, isn’t it? Here I am, coming out to you, and the most I could do was be self-deprecating while I wallow in self-hatred.” Shuichi could understand him perfectly. From the self-hatred to the coming out, he understood all of it. 

Being bisexual himself, he could relate to how Kokichi felt. Sexuality was a complex and intricate subject and experience. It would never be anything simple for anyone to experience, regardless of their age. “Kokichi, it’s okay. You’re still processing everything and that’s fine. Just know that I’m here for you, through thick and thin.”

Don’t say that so casually… Especially since I’m not even done yet.

“Thanks but above all, I think the hardest thing for me to accept is the fact that I…” He could feel his stomach do backflips as he shifted his gaze towards Shuichi’s face. Kokichi’s face heated up as his eyes finally locked with Shuichi’s. He bit his lip before he spoke. “That I like you.” Well that was definitely unexpected. “R-really?” Shuichi asked, feeling himself begin to blush as his eyes moved back and forth, sheepishly avoiding eye contact.

“Yeah. I’m not sure when or why but I do… a lot.“ He didn’t even know what Shuichi’s feelings were towards him. Yet there was some sort of gravitational pull that inched him closer subconsciously, and it seemed that same pull was attached to Shuichi. They stared deeply into each other’s eyes, neither of them even looking away as their fingers moved on their own. Next thing both of them knew, they were holding hands, their hearts beating in sync. "Sh-Shuichi, I like you.”

“I like you too.”

Their lips grazed one another. Kokichi could feel his soft lips meet his as his heart rose. He felt like he was on cloud nine. The sheer euphoric feeling of his lips could put him in a coma. Their hands remained intertwined as they continued to kiss, their eyes both shut but even then, they never broke apart. The mesmerizing touch of Shuichi brought him comfort; his soft skin grazing against his own sent him to the moon and back. Briefly, they broke apart, “Are we dating now, then?”

Kokichi giggled, his hand cuffing Shuichi’s heated cheek softly as the latter nuzzled deeper into his embrace. “Obviously.”

[vanaera]

Hi!! I was wondering if you had any basic writing tips. I honestly NEVER through I would write anything but one day I just did casually because I loved reading fics so much and now I'm in way too deep and became way too attached to whatever I'm creating rn. I love THH and your style and you blog in general so I was just wondering if you had any basic tips to offer. ok thank you luv you Bye

Hi hon! I'm happy you enjoyed The Heart Holiday and had a great time in my blog! But I am happier that you are enjoying writing. It's going to be a wonderful adventure! 😊😊😊

I don't really know much how to make a cohesive writing advice post bc my thoughts are just scattered around when it comes to the how-to's of writing (I'm a mess, I'm sorry). However, these are some tips that really helped me to write (Idk if they're basic but these are the fundamentals I always consider when I write).

*Contains spoilers for movies Minority Report and Whiplash

Define your character's wants/needs

So you've got your character. You know how they look like. You know what are their likes and dislikes. But the wants/needs will help them become more substantial. More interesting to follow bc your readers are going to be hooked as to whether your character will be able to achieve or not their goals. A character's want is what they desire. It's usually evident at the very start of the story. Most often, it is the premise, itself. (Ex: Minority Report's John Anderton wants to prove his innocence to a future-predetermining system). Meanwhile character's need is what they have to become to fully achieve their goal. Unlike the first, this needs more unearthing in the story. The character usually don't know their needs at the start. The conflicts in the stories pushes them to realize their needs eventually (Ex: John Anderton realizes he needs to let go of his belief in pre-determined futures bc the system has great faults and they are already ruining his life). It's like this: wants = the temporary goal; needs = the real goal. And both of them project character development, for better or worse or to stay the same way despite the challenges (hello flat character arcs). The needs especially show this. This is one of the factors that make your story interesting to follow. Your readers are going to want to know how your characters are going to realize their needs, how they will change to become what they needed to be.

Define the conflict

Conflict is the one that creates the drama. It orevents your character from achieving their goals. It is the obstacles your character must overcome to reach their wants/needs. Conflicts propel the story further. It also makes it more interesting, especially when they layer upon each other (ex: Christopher Nolan's The Dark Knight). But conflicts also define characters. The decisions your character makes in face of a conflict says a lot of things about them. (Ex: In Whiplash, Andrew is faced with the decision to sue Fletcher for his extreme teaching style. Or to endure it and become the great musician Fletcher claims he can create. Andrew chooses the former but soon feels empty. When he meets Fletcher again, he gets enthusiastic and even agrees to play for him, despite knowing Fletcher's extreme methods. So in here, we see Andrew is driven by his need to be a great musician, no matter what it takes). Bc of this, your reader gets to know more about your character in a deeper level. It also helps them sympathize more with them.

Establish your story world

This is something I really want to emphasize. The story world plays a large part in defining your characters. It consists of the things that will help your character grow stronger, as well as the conflicts and limitations that will challenge your character to realize their needs. Not only that, a fleshed-out story world sucks the readers into your story (I think this is the reason why Harry Potter and Avatar: The Last Airbender are so fun to read/watch; it feels like you're going onto a vacation in another place whenever you indulge in them). This tip tho doesn't only apply to fantasy genres. Slice of life stories also need a stable story world to work on so your story can be as realistic as you want it to be (Ex: In 3 Idiots, we see how much education is greatly valued, at the same time, how much the students are letting their grades affect their lives. Much more in a prestigious unibersity for Engineering. Readers, especially those who are studying Engineering like the protagonists, will be able to empathize more with the struggles of the characters).

Lengths of sentences

This is something I'm still struggling to learn. Okay, so now you've got your story world, characters, and conflict. You now have to execute your story. Different lengths of sentences will help you that. Sentence lengths help the flow of reading. It creates the tempo and the beat of your story. If the scene is fast-paced, you can opt for shorter sentences bc it creates wuick beats. If you want your readers to stay for a while, say for example, you're describing a place, long sentences are great for defining those details. But make sure you must have a combination of both bc you may lose your reader in the story if you wrote long sentences upon long sentences. While keeping everything short will make your story sound robot-like. Chsnging it up also makes the tone of your story not monotonous. You can better keep the attention of your reader that way bc a non-stagnant flow helps in seamless reading. I tend to write long sentences before and I realized this is true when I tried reading my past works. I then learned how to change things up and then I saw how interesting and enjoying to read my stories now have become.

Find your own style

This is a lesson I learned the hard way. When I was just beginning to write, I followed the footsteps of a lot of reknowned writers. Only to end up writing in a way I'm not happy about. End up writing something that doesn't feel truly myself. I made a lot of mistakes until I learned that no matter how many people say "don't write this way, but this way," or how much you get pressured with thoughts like "Oh, I have to write this way bc this is the trend, this is what most readers will like," nothing feels better but to write how YOU want to write. It's your story. How to write it should be totally up to you, because no one will be able to write your story, but only you. Find and do your own style. It may not feel rewarding sometimes. But trust me on this, there are people who will like what you and how you write and they are going to look for you and anticipate your upcoming works. You know why? Because only you can write that story/that way. So don't lose hope, and just keep writing.

These are just some I follow to help me write my stories more effectively. If you wanna learn more, you can search the tag #writing tips in my blog. I reblog writing advices and encouragement posts for writers there.

Also go to amazing blogs like @theliteraryarchitect and @yourlocalwriterblog . They give the most helpful advices here when it comes to writing in general- writing, editing, publishing, and even screenplays, you name it.

You can also go to nerdwriter1, justwrite, and Lessons From The Screenplay on YouTube. These channels have helped me a lot in writing my stories. Though they usually talk about films and screenplays, their tips are very hepful in writing in general. I always go to them whenever I feel lost and need guidance in writing some certain parts.

Sorry this got so long. I just lobe love writing so much, I don't know how to shut up about it. I hope I was able to help you, hon. Good luck in your writing and if you finally posted it and want me to see it, just feel free to hit me up 😊😊😊

[late-nightdevil]

i’m lonely, part two

read part one here

Warnings: crappy smut, you have been warned

Summary: loosely based of the song “fuck, i’m lonely” by lauv ft. anne-marie or where Calum dumped Brooklyn and now neither of them are happy, part two

Authors Note: honestly this is shit and i’m sorry but i’m trying to get back into writing and practice makes perfect right?? requests & feedback are openly welcome!!

It was excruciatingly horrible seeing him. I couldn’t think straight for a good hour afterwards, and to be honest, I’m not even sure how I got home. All I’m sure of is that I threw up as soon as I got out the back door and Luke was there to console me. Next thing I know, I’m sitting alone on my couch, wearing nothing but the flannel and a near-empty wine bottle in my hand.

It was a red wine I’ve drank just a few times before, but this time it seemed sour to my tongue. As inebriated as I am, flashbacks of my first sip of any alcoholic drink appear in my head as if it were yesterday and not years ago. Cal had insisted I would enjoy it, despite my initial reaction to the harsh scent. Of course I shared the bottle with him, finishing each drop, just like he said I would. The delectable flavors of the grape would never compare to anything else I tasted afterwards; a strong dislike grew for all other variations. Until the effect became more important than the flavor.

My thoughts began to drift deeper into memories that I wanted to stay buried. Quickly turning on the television, Friends rescued me from a downward spiral that I was sure to stumble upon.

It’s one of my favorite episodes and I recognized it immediately. I’ve watched the show more times than I can count, and the sight of Rachel jumping on Ross’ back as he’s on the phone is a scene I’ve come to love. The episode progresses, and once it nears the end, I hold my breath.

The amount of tension in the coffee house as Ross and Rachel go back and forth brings me to the edge of my seat. Despite the argument, the amount of admiration they have for one another shines through the dark room. When Ross comes back and Rachel opens the door, I let my breath go, and they share a kiss that’s been built up for the last nine years of their not-so-relationship.

I had that love. And it was taken away from me.

I down the rest of the bottle before pulling out my phone, typing in the number that I memorized a long time ago. The deletion of his contact was symbolic, but I knew it never really mattered.

The message box stays blank for a second as I internally debate whether or not he’s changed his number. He probably did, as to not be contacted by his ex girlfriend that he wanted nothing to do with. Frankly, it’s better this way; it’s like writing a letter and not addressing it. Either the messages stay in the “Not Delivered” limbo, or some poor random person is about to be subjected to my drunk texts. Oh well.

To (310) 825-1217

Fuck you cal

Fuck you for making me feel like shit

I’ve been doing fine

It’s been almost 2 years and you just ?? show up ??

“Favor for a friend” how many other favors do you do for her, calum?

How many other girls do you do favors for?

Fuck you man

While you’re out doing “favors” I’m sitting here watching our favorite show, sulking bc seeing you destroyed me

Do you still even watch friends? Or did you change that about yourself too?

I miss you cal

Miss who you were I guess

The calum that would come over at any hour of the night, bringing whatever I was craving bc somehow you always knew

And we’d stay up all night talking and watching crappy movies

Life by myself fucking sucks

Fuck

I’m lonely

The last text gets sent and I slumped back against the couch, feeling slightly better that I got the tension out. Every message went through, I’m sure someone will be enjoying my mental breakdown when they wake up.

My screen flashes as I pick up the phone again, a bright “2:45” appears and I groan internally. As I go to lay flat on the couch, a soft knock on my door sends my nerves haywire. Before I could stop myself, the numbers “911” are typed into the keypad and my finger stayed over the call button. My other hand grabs the metal baseball bat sitting near the door as a second set of knocks erupt, a bit more force this time. I stand on my tiptoes to see out the peephole to no avail, my something dark is blocking it.

Just as I’m about to press the call button, a whisper of a voice calls out my name, for the second time tonight.

“Brooke, let me in, please. I know you’re awake.”

Shit. Shit, shit shit shit shit shit shit.

I go back to the messages and the read receipt is time stamped just a few minutes ago. He still had the same number. Because the universe just seems to adore me tonight.

I toss my phone on the couch but keep the bat in hand before slowly unlocking and opening the door. His disheveled appearance throws me off slightly, a blue stain adorned his shirt while his eyes had dark patches underneath them, he must be as tired as my mind felt. His watchful stare wandered down my body, barely shielded by the short and thin material of the flannel he saw earlier tonight.

“Brooke, I- is that a bat?” He pointed at the metal weapon as his eyes grew wide. “Were you gonna beat me with the bat?”

A laugh elicited itself from my lips as I shook my head. “Not you per-se, just whoever was behind my door at three in the morning.” I leaned it against the wall near the door, easy access for next time. “What are you doing here Cal?”

“I need to talk to you, Brooke. I, I.. uh, shit.” His nerves were getting the best of him, the way he grabbed the back of his neck was a good indicator.

“C’mon, come inside. It’s cold.” He followed me in, locking the door for me as I took a seat on the couch. “Get yourself some water or something.” His footsteps went into the kitchen, allowing myself to calm my own nerves for a moment.

He’s here, in my apartment. Calum Hood is here and is nervous about talking to me.

He returned quickly with two bottles, handing me one, which I quickly began to drink. I think this is something I should be sober for.

“First, uh, I think you should know. That girl, at the party,” he was talking slow, calculated, knowing the wrong thing would make this end quicker than last time, “she’s absolutely nothing to me. A friend of a friend that helped me a while back, when we first broke up actually, with keeping me busy-“

“Stop, please, I can’t listen to that-“

“No! No, not like that. Just brought me out into group events and shit, nothing like that.” His warm hand was on my knee before I knew it, rubbing small, comforting circles into my skin. It felt so nice. “I haven’t actually been with anyone seriously since you.”

My eyes rolled without my control. “So you break my heart for a selfish reason, and don’t even follow through? Are you shitting me Calum? Do you know how much pain you put me through?” I could feel my blood boiling at this point. Would I have preferred him being with other people?

Eyebrows scrunched together, his words came out with confusion. “I thought you’d be happy? I couldn’t do it, Brooke. All I could think about was you. I changed classes, my friend groups, everything to try and prove that I needed to be with someone else. Our relationship scared me. It was so perfect, and I didn’t want to be there when it crumbled. Saying that out loud now I realize how fucking dumb I am.” I take in his words, each one breaking down another wall inside me. His body shifted on the couch, moving closer to me until his hands held mine. “I deserve every ounce of hatred you feel towards me. I know there are feelings and memories we can’t go back to, but I think about them all the time. Think about you all the time.”

I was at a loss of words, so he continued. “Remember at the beginning of our relationship, after being friends for so long, it was so hard for me to try to smoothly make a move on you. Every time we were alone, I would debate back and forth if it was okay to kiss you. I would spend hours on the couch with you, inching closer every chance I got.”

His hand tucked a strand of hair behind my ear, neither of us breaking eye contact. His voice lowered in tone each word. I couldn’t take it. “I remember. So many times I wished you would’ve just kissed me, touched me, something.” I looked down at our hands, seeming to have minds of their own, both rubbing circles on the other. “I tried so hard to get over you.”

“That’s the thing, Brooke. I realized very quickly that I didn’t want to get over you, but you deserved space. I was a shitty, selfish person who left the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I left you to be with other people, but I’m more lonely now than ever before.”

I try to process his words as they come at me, but my emotions are overflowing. “Why didn’t you come after me, Calum? Once you realized you fucked up?” Tears brimmed my eyelids as I looked up at him. He reached forward and wiped a single tear as soon as it dropped.

“Because I’m a fucking idiot. I’m so sorry, baby girl.”

That’s it. That’s all I needed to hear. A sincere apology from his lips was more than I could have ever asked for. There was only one way to express how I felt right now.

One last look into his watchful eyes and my hands reached up, grasping his shirt, pulling him towards me until our lips connected. The smooth, plump feeling comforted me instantly. This felt so, so right.

It was only a matter of moments before he came to his senses, taking quick control over the situation. One hand moved to my lower back as the other held him up against the couch, slowly laying me down. Our situation grew heated, what was mere kissing was now lip biting and a fight for dominance. Like nothing had changed.

His kisses traveled from my lips down to my neck, slowly dragging his tongue to trace the pattern. Usually I would love every second of this, but I didn’t want teasing tonight. We both had a lot of built up tension to take care of.

I pushed against his chest, his face contorted into confusion until I climbed onto his lap. His shirt came off with ease and I couldn’t help but bring my lips to his collar bones. I scatter small love bites across his neck and upper chest, eager to claim him once again. The moans erupting from his lips edge me on until his hips buck up against mine. The hardened member underneath me causes me to gasp, and he liked it. One hand came up to the back of my neck, pulling me in to kiss again as the other began to unbutton my - well, his - shirt.

Before I knew it, the cloth fell off my shoulders, and he pulled back. “Fuck, baby..” His eyes couldn’t meet mine, too preoccupied with the sight in front of him. “You’re so gorgeous, I missed you so much.”

I crashed my lips against his, not being able to comprehend the words I wanted to say. My hands reached down to unbutton his jeans, pulling them down swiftly. His stiff cock sprung out and couldn’t help but spread the bead of precome over the smooth head. The gesture is something he’s always been a fan of and the sounds coming from his lips prove it still is.

His calloused fingers graze my delicate folds, gliding past my lips into my core. “I can’t believe I still make you this wet baby. Come on, sit on my cock.”

No time was wasted as his hands help pick me up, slowly setting me down on his thick member. It took a second to adjust to him, Luke had length but I’ve never had girth like Cal.

I moved my hips off of his and brought them down in a painfully slow manner, knowing it sent us both mad. Only a few minutes were spent like this, his patience running thin as gripped my sides roughly. I quickened my pace and he thrusted, meeting me with a force that drove me to the edge.

“Calum, please,” with one hand grasped onto his neck and the other leaving scratches down his chest, my moans grow louder until I hit the brim of ecstasy. His lips attach to my neck and I can feel him release inside of me. We slow our hips as we come down from our high, hugging each other close. Too afraid to let go.

The only sounds in the room is our labored breaths and the soft chatter on the television. My head rested in the crook of his neck as his fingers stroked my lower back. I never wanted to leave this feeling.

But the question had to be asked. “So, what now Cal? What does this mean?”

He was silent for a little while longer which made my nerves spike, afraid of what I’m expecting is inevitable.

“I’m never leaving you again, Brooklyn. Even if you hate me and want nothing to do with me, I’ll always be here for you. I’m never going to fuck up that bad again. It was the biggest mistake of my life.”

His words surprised me. I sat up to look him in the eyes, seeing if there was any sense of regret from his previous notion. But he said next made all my fears disappear.

“You’ll never be lonely again, I promise. It’s always been you, Brooke.”

[self-healing]

idk if you are still offering advice, but if you can offer some & post links to resources you’ve used as a guideline yourself, i’d greatly appreciate tips on how to talk effectively to a psychiatrist vs. a therapist bc of the time differences, what their goals/focuses are & stuff you should be prepared for & wary of bc my nerves make it harder to communicate in person & i have had bad experiences w/drs in general in being misunderstood or talked at/over or derailed

(Cont.) same anon as before, as part of my initial question— how to condense, give a broader idea of what your needs/issues are w/out going too into detail until you feel more comfortable w/them & that they are a right fit & avoiding self-diagnostics bc they rly dislike that even tho i’ve made it clear it may not be that, but simply related bc i’ve read stuff that resonates & i’m trying to give them a better general idea vs do their job for them but it seems like it is taken as the latter            

ahhh i’ll try! Kati Merton is a Youtuber who is also a licensed therapist and has a view videos on therapy and what to expect from your first sessions.

What should you expect from therapy?

Therapy sessions from a therapist’s perspective

What happens during a first therapist session?

How can I get over my fear of being judged in therapy?

First appointment with a psychiatrist.. what happens?

Getting started with talk therapy (WebMD)

Five signs you are seeing a bad therapist  (not to scare you, but it’s good to recognize these signs and think about them if you feel like it’s going nowhere)

I don’t think you can ever really prepare yourself for what you are going to experience in a therapy session. Every therapist is different! Some may start by asking you why you’re going into therapy and things about you. My first sessions was basically going over my life story of how everything came down to depression but again there’s no guarantee that this is going to happen. Even a response as simple as “I’ve been struggling with anxiety, depression, etc, etc and I came to therapy so I can help and understand myself better.” is enough. In therapy they usually don’t force you to talk about anything unless it is a source of your struggle which, if they’re a good therapist, they guide you through talking about.

Their goals are usually your goals, even if you’re not aware of what your “goals” are apart from helping yourself. If it’s trauma, they’re going to explore that. If it’s an issue with your job, they’re going to explore it. As for feeling misunderstood, which I have experience of feeling, the best thing you can do is write how you feel in a book that is only for therapy (so you don’t mix up your entries with say your grocery list lol) and take track of emotions that you’d like to talk about. For example, there’s an issue that all therapists are aware of: A client goes into therapy wanting help, but has no idea how to articulate it or what to talk about. But immediately when they leave and go back into “real life”, they remember and the emotions come flooding back. This happens! You have no idea how many times I forgot to mention something once I stepped out of my therapist’s room and into the elevator. This is why it’s so special to keep a journal or notebook that takes note of your experiences. It’s also 100% okay to tell your therapist “That’s not what I mean” or “I’m having difficulty making sense of what I feel” when you are feeling misunderstood. People often forget that therapists and clients are supposed to work together. You’re both people working on the same thing and of course there’s going to be moments like these. However if they refuse to hear you out after you’ve made it explicitly clear that they are not allowing you to speak, it’s okay to switch therapists. Therapists are also trial and error yet no one ever tells you it.

Also, on the self-diagnostics thing, therapists have different opinions! I brought up a lot of things that I thought I “hypothetically” had and my therapist didn’t dismiss them. They instead thought it was interesting and we brought it into discussion. It lead me to an “official” diagnosis of ADHD which probably would of been delayed had I not talked to her about it. It’s okay to mess up when you speak in therapy and to struggle, especially if you’re shy or just find it difficult to talk about yourself. Putting it as simply as possible is okay before you want to go into deeper things. Maybe that’s another use of the notebook? Put what you’re thinking on one side in the simplest terms and on the other side write an experience correlated with it or go into more depth of that feeling. You’re also apart of your health, I mean it’s your health. Nobody knows your state of mind better than you do, and therapists should understand this but I know that not all of them do so I understand where your hesitance comes from. Therapy isn’t perfect but finding the person that is the best fit for you and your needs is going to pay off and it is incredibly worth the struggle.

[realmzenith]

benke !!!!!!

u truly want me dead but ily so- BUT OK BENKE my meme child

What’s the maximum amount of time your character can sit still with nothing to do?.2 seconds i hate him. if he HAD to sit still and he was feeling slightly more chill than usual he could prbly go five minutes. tops. he’s just rlly antsy. he needs to be doing smth w his hands

How easy is it for your character to laugh?EH not super easily but defo more easily than a lot of my other ocs from one to ten one being laughs extremely easily he’s prbly a 4. the key is to find him memes esp political nihilistic memes or fall in front of him bc he’s terrible

How do they put themselves to bed at night (reading, singing, thinking?)he doesn’t sleep. e v e r. who do u think he is?? nah jk on a more serious note, he actually doesn’t sleep very easily so usually he just listens to music until he dozes off

How easy is it to earn their trust?gosh that’s. difficult to say. p hard actually?? surprisingly hard for how much of a meme he acts like and how relatively extroverted he is. from one to ten w one meaning it’s very easy to gain his trust i’d say 7

How easy is it to earn their mistrust?he doesn’t rlly attach himself to ppl easily so it’s p easy to get him to not trust u. like he’ll be chill w u but he wont trust u all that much it’s a weird dynamic w him. w one being v easy to get him to distrust and ten very hard, he’s a 5. p much in the middle not rlly too much to one side or another

Do they consider laws flexible, or immovable?rules are great until they impede him from getting what he’s aimin for :) on a more serious note, he doesn’t rlly give a damn abt most laws like he doesn’t want to go to jail but at the same time if he’s not going to get caught he’s going to do it bc hey wtf yolo

What triggers nostalgia for them, most often? Do they enjoy that feeling?LOL NOSTALGia thats a joke he dislikes sappy things n nostalgia falls into that category but he will on v v rare occasions reminisce. certain musical pieces have that effect on him esp the classical ones as he’s grown up w music (being a practical prodigy on the piano and all). he guesses that sometimes it is kind of nice to remember. just once in a while tho. in a while being the key phrase here

What were they told to stop/start doing most often as a child?I MEAN he’s sixteen he’s still technically a child but basically the most common thing he hears is stop slacking and work harder. being an asian kid getting As is? absolutely crucial he’ll be smacked upside the head by his parents if he doesn’t so they always tell him to stop slacking tf off n actually study for once (tbh it’s fine he’s a genius practically he gets As easier than u can say banana split)

Do they swear? Do they remember their first swear word?absolutely and he doesn’t rlly remember but he thinks it was “shit”

What lie do they most frequently remember telling? Does it haunt them?once he set out twenty peeps just behind the wheels of his mom’s car and when she backed out the entire wheels got covered in peeps and when she came home saying there was all this weird gooey stuff on her wheels and looked pointedly at him. he just blurted out that it was god exacting judgement on her for her sins. it didn’t end well. he ended up washing the entire car by himself. it still haunts him to this day

How do they cope with confusion (seek clarification, pretend they understand, etc)?he’ll literally just say “what the fuck” and laugh

How do they deal with an itch found in a place they can’t quite reach?whine about it until someone scratches it for him dependent on how comfy he is around the ppl he’s with. if he’s not comfy around the ppl he’s w he’ll just sulk internally or scurry off to the bathroom and like, rub his back (presumptively that’s where he can’t reach) against the edge of the stall until the itch is gone bc he’s high

What color do they think they look best in? Do they actually look best in that color?he thinks he looks best in all colors also he doesn’t rlly care abt fashion. he looks best in HM like purple or royal blue?? 

What animal do they fear most?he has this weird fear of armadillos and no one knows why it has smth to do w an incident at the zoo when he was six

How do they speak? Is what they say usually thought of on the spot, or do they rehearse it in their mind first?he honestly doesn’t say everything that comes to mind even tho it SOUNDS like he does but he also. basically says everything that comes to mind. it’s odd bc he ends up being rlly engaging in conversation anyways. however he isnt immune to being at a loss for words and when he’s under pressure he will stumble a lil thru what he’s saying. but most of the time what u hear is what he’s thinkin

What makes their stomach turn?ok he’s not SUPER big abt justice or anything like that but if someone’s being torn down he’ll get rlly uncomfy unless he’s the one who initiated it bc he’s like hey hey haha guys dont say that abt them. also he dislikes roly polys w a passion bc they remind him of armadillos :)

Are they easily embarrassed?on one hand he has no shame on the other he does get p flustered if ppl flirt w him and it hits a spot (in a good way)? like he does get embarrassed moderately easily but it takes him a few seconds to realize he should be embarrassed if u get me

What embarrasses them?flirting, if u get a well aimed compliment in that he didn’t expect. also realizing he’s made a fool of himself bc that oftentimes happens but he also rarely realizes it so if he REALIZES he’s made a fool of himself he will get flustered

What is their favorite number?420 duh

If they were asked to explain the difference between romantic and platonic or familial love, how would they do so?he’d be like wtf why r u asking me this but if someone he does trust and is close to asked him he’d try his best to give a serious answer after a bout of awkward laughing to make sure they were serious. prbly like “familial love and platonic love are the same thing basically right? i guess platonic love is how u love ur friends so yk brofists and shit and then romantic love is more? special? idk it’s fucking great tho *fingers guns at sev*”

Why do they get up in the morning? his mom makes him get up for school otherwise what is leaving his bed when he can just pull his comp onto his lap while STAYING in his bed and game from there

How does jealousy manifest itself in them (they become possessive, they become aloof, etc)? oh he’s very possessive. he’ll defo keep whatever he’s worried abt losing close by to start and if it’s a person- friend or s/o- he’s going to be touching them a lot more. a hand on the back, a hug at the side, running his hands through their hair casually. anything to assert that no back off ur not taking them from me. but if it continues, which it v well may, knowing him, he’s going to start getting snarky n verbally fighting the other person. basically Messy pls reassure him if u are the object of his affections and he’s getting side-eye emoji abt someone 

How does envy manifest itself in them (they take what they want, they become resentful, etc)? he defo becomes resentful a bit. like he doesn’t get envious over most things- it’s mostly fear of losing the thing once he has it- but when it does he will get resentful and hole up a bit and generally just seem a little ticked

Is sex something that they’re comfortable speaking about? To whom?yeah he’s comfy talking abt sex. prbly a little too comfy. so basically anyone willing to engage him in the conversation topic will likely hear abt it but he’s calmed down ever since he got involved w sev

What are their thoughts on marriage?marriage is good? but far off and amorphous in his mind. for the most part he’s like there’s nothing wrong w it but it crosses his mind EXTREMELY infrequently   

What is their preferred mode of transportation? preferably in the back of a private plane, squirrel suit gliding or on a giant eagle, none of which he’s ever experienced in his life. but out of the things he has he is fond of sailing when it’s calm out bc he does get seasick a tiny bit. he likes fast cars too

What causes them to feel dread? his mother :) she may be small but she is Frightening

Would they prefer a lie over an unpleasant truth? he doesnt rlly give a damn so lie most of the time but at the same time if he cares abt the thing and he’s asking u abt it pls do urself a favor and tell him the truth. it’s what he prefers and it’s rare anyways that he actually asks after smth

Do they usually live up to their own ideals? nope. he wants to win a nobel prize, publish a meme compilation book, become a world class pianist, go to pluto- u get the idea. ya boi has many high hopes for himself which he’s not rlly meeting atm. he’s a little all over the place, so despite his many talents he isn’t quite living up to the ideal version of himself he’s seeking after and prbly never will it’ll be very hard to get him to admit this not bc he’s an edgelord or smth but it’s hard to get him to talk abt deeper things but he does sincerely want to be a good moral person which dependent on the day and his level of seriousness he may or may not be living up to in his own eyes as well as in the eyes of others. what can i say he’s kind of a hoe

Who do they most regret meeting? life…. when life’s hand touched upon his little heart and gave him the gift of herself he immediately was filled w Ragret- on a more serious note it’s prbly the armadillo from the zoo

Who are they the most glad to have met? sev? he also adores his piano teacher but good luck getting him to admit that w heartfelt sincerity 

Do they have a go-to story in conversation? Or a joke? it’s honestly whatever’s the most recent thing he observed, heard or experienced when it comes to stories. he has no shortage of words to say and his fav sort of memes and jokes are politically nihilistic ones. so those are? in a way his go to?

Could they be considered lazy? yes. he only applies himself if he’s interested and for most of school he has no qualms abt being a lil sus and casually “accidentally” getting the answers to things so yeah that’s. that could be considered lazy. however, when he does care abt smth he will absolutely dedicate himself to it. he practices piano consistently and diligently day in and day out so it honestly depends on if he cares or not

How hard is it for them to shake a sense of guilt? v difficult. he rarely becomes guilty for longer than .4 seconds but when it does he’s srsly going to internalize that bc if he’s feeling guilty he prbly f-ed up real bad. he also won’t rlly talk abt it to anyone so it’s even more likely it’ll just get internalized 

How do they treat the things their friends come to them excited about? Are they supportive? that’s extremely dependent on who it is and what it is. if it’s sev he’ll b v supportive but sev is a VERY big exception in most cases also sev rarely gets visibly excited abt things so it’s usually a cause for celebration when he does. if josie (his bff) is excited abt smth? if he can relate he’ll be excited for her but if he can’t he’ll TRY his best but there will be some teasing involved bc that’s how he diffuses confusion. their other bff will get the same treatment but w slightly more effort bc she’s more sensitive but gosh if it’s someone he doesn’t know rlly well he’ll be rlly confused he’ll be like good for u ha?? or someone he knows casually. they’ll get teased so he tries but he also sucks at life. for such a great analyst he’s terrible at being socially delicate

Do they actively seek romance, or do they wait for it to fall into their lap? tbh prbly actively seek it. he defo pursued sev before they got together

Do they have a system for remembering names, long lists of numbers, things that need to go in a certain order (like anagrams, putting things to melodies, etc)? he doesn’t rlly give a damn abt ppl’s names but if it’s say a piano piece it’s honestly just cold, hard repetition 

What memory do they revisit the most often? he doesn’t reminisce often hes a p go go go type of guy but if he does it’s prbly abt sev. neither of them voice it often but they’re both rlly grateful for the other

How easy is it for them to ignore flaws in other people? see, he’s kind of oblivious he doesn’t rlly think abt these things but when something annoys him? oh it annoys him and he’s going to make no effort to hide it or ignore it. so he’s honestly rlly bad at ignoring other ppl’s flaws. he’s a bit of a b like that 

How sensitive are they to their own flaws?very

How do they feel about children? no particular opinion! he’s the younger sib by quite a bit so he’s always been kind of the baby. he thinks kids are fine and he’s actually p good w them but he’d prefer to not babysit or anything like that. there are better more enjoyable things he could be doing w his time. as for having kids he almost never thinks abt that so he’s got no opinion there either. what happens happens after all

How badly do they want to reach their end goal? he doesn’t particularly have One End Goal but he has many aspirations and if he cares abt smth he will do everything in his power to reach it at least within reason. so p badly relatively speaking? 

If someone asked them to explain their sexuality, how would they do so? he’s bi so if someone asked him to explain it he’d be like “it means idc what someone’s gender is when it comes to whether i want to fuck or not ;)” yes i hate him too

QUESTIONS FOR CREATORS

A) Why are you excited about this character?MEME KING but also i’m excited to try and work out the balance between apathy, drive and subtle but very much present care for the ppl around himB) What inspired you to create them?i need a best friend for the main chara of the story benke is a part of! additionally, he shares a lot of character traits w an irl friend of mine so it’s a bit of a nod to themC) Did you have trouble figuring out where they fit in their own story?nope! benke was created for the purpose of filling a role tho honestly he’s spun a wild story for himself somehow looking @ u sevD) Have they always had the same physical appearance, or have you had to edit how they look?i must admit benke does NOT have a set appearance as of the present. he’s afab nb and does nothing to present as more masculine than he naturally appears. he’s indian, 5′4″ and he’s got short hair w highlights but beyond that i’m still working out his appearance E) Are they someone you would get along with? Would they get along with you?yes on a surface level to both. we’d meme together but at a deeper level we wouldn’t make good close friends. benke’s brand of caring for ppl is nearly opposite to mine and bc we’re already both unconventional in how we show we care abt someone we’d prbly both end up feeling neglected. there’d be a lot of miscommunication and honestly, ya boi would get on my nerves n i’d prbly get on hisF) What do you feel when you think of your OC (pride, excitement, frustration, etc)?TIRED he TIRES me but also a bit of pride bc he’s growinG) What trait of theirs bothers you the most?where do i begin. prbly how he’s unintentionally self centered. benke is far from uncaring abt his friends he will do crazy stupid brave things for them if it ever came to that but it’s hard for him to see why some of the things he says hurt other ppl’s feelings esp if they’re diff from him. he’ll be like ?? why u offended i didn’t say anything mean. he’s also RLLY bad at handling serious emotions even when they sometimes do need to be dealth wH) What trait do you admire most?HM prbly his knack for being a great conversationalist. ppl like him even if he isn’t the most popular bc he’s funny and p chill. he doesn’t have too much drama so it’s like hey there’s the meme guy even tho he’s kinda weird and tbh goals. being a good conversationalist can get u places and ease up SO many social situationsI) Do you prefer to keep them in their canon universe?PRBLY but also i think he’d do rlly well in a sci fi universe eyes emojiJ) Did you have to manipulate or exclude canon factors to allow them to create their character?nah not rlly?? not yet at least ! 

[timelvss]

haunting present

  parings: jeon jungkook | ft. yoongi

genre: friends to lovers!au | angst, romance, lots of fluff

warnings: post break up

word count: 3.9k

description: after a tough breakup with idol!yoongi, jungkook supports you and lowkey likes you a lot (sry im terrible at desriptions)

author’s note: is is kinda a sequel to Haunting Past, but with a jungkook focus bc why not? also thank you for reading it really means a LOT! 

    Somehow when you pictured yourself on a date you never pictured it without Yoongi in your life. Not until everything changed and you took off because he basically told you that you were holding back his career. So when you agreed to this friendly date with no other than Jeon Jungkook you never thought he’d be serious about the whole ‘let’s drive 4 hours to the beach and then come back and cuddle’. Yet here you were stuck in hot car, the windows down, and loudly singing along to Summer of ‘69.

“Those were the best days of my life!” you heard Jungkook screaming at the top of his lungs making you laugh. You haven't felt this carefree in a while and you were actually very glad this friendly date happened.

  You finally sat down on the passenger seat, looking through the windshield as your eyes landed on a very furious yoongi. His face was a tornado of emotions and his eyes were bloodshot red from the crying he had done. Your heart couldn't help but to feel guilt at making him feel like this, but something felt as if it lifted off your shoulders.

Jin was holding one of his arms while another guy came up to hold Yoongi up. You didn’t know him but you could tell he was one of Yoongi’s friends from how you saw how Yoongi pleaded the guy to let him go. Jungkook got into the driver’s seat making you jump slightly, his gaze went between you and to the scene displayed in front of you.

“Are you sure you want to leave?” he questioned as your hands pushed the hair that had fallen on your face away. At this point you could only nod, you were too nervous to speak. A feeling in your gut said you’d probably cry if you tried.

Laying back against the chair as Jungkook slowly pulled out, you could only hear Yoongi’s screams in the back of your mind. Tears made their way out your eyes as you finally drove away from the love of your life.

  “No Jeon, the best song of the 80’s is and will always be Total Eclipse of the Heart,” you said as you relaxed back into the seat as you both watched the sunset over the small hill Jungkook parked the car.

“And see, that’s where you’re wrong here. Summer of ‘69 will always win best song of the 80’s,” Jungkook answered back making you laugh.

“That’s a no from me,” you shook your head as you glanced back at the boy across from you. This was the first time in a while where you felt normal in a relationship time of way and you were liking it.

“I mean I can’t expect much from the person who dislikes the purple skittles,” you could only laugh more at this point to which Jungkook could only smile at you. You both shared the bag of skittles that you found in the glove box, while you picked out every single green skittle from the bag and handing the purple ones to the man beside you.

Jessie’s Girl played in the background as you found yourself seated on the hood of Jungkook’s car. Your fingers tapped against the metal as the man in front of you stared off into the field that stretched out in front of you.

“You know what?” you asked, making you break apart from the scenery in front of you. Your eyes moving to see Jungkook who was leaning back against the car.

“Hm?”

“How can you still love him?” and at the moment you knew exactly who he was talking about. His name wasn't even said but you knew who him was, and that was what scared you most.

“I'm not like trying to keep that feeling, it’s just I don't know how to get rid of it really,” you confessed to the man in front of you. Jungkook turned back to face you making sit up completely. He moved closer to you until he was standing right in front of you and putting his hands on your shoulders. Jungkook’s hands moved up from your shoulders to cup your face making you look up at him.

Jungkook's eyes were soft brown color that reminded you of chocolate for some reason. His hair was messy and it was obvious he hadnt washed it recently which internally made you laugh internally. You made yourself a mental note to bring up as a comeback someday. The small scar on his left cheek was at plain sight for you, the mole underneath his lower lip made you smile slightly. Moving your hands on your lap you unconsciously let your legs spread so he could fit between them. At this moment you realized how close you actually were to him, if you tilted your head slightly your lips could fit right against his. They looked a little chapped and very plump, you could just le-

“Jungkook,” you snapped yourself out of the trance his lips brought out on you, leaving you confused at your thoughts. Were you seriously thinking of kissing Jeon Jungkook? Your mind was laughing at you, while you were still very confused.

“How may I help you miss?” his voice was laced with a smile on his lips making a smile spread over your lips. You placed your hands on his chest and softly pushed him back so you could see him better.

“You’re a fucking idiot,” you mumbled out as your hands moved down to softly grip his shirt. His body was suddenly a few centimeters closer to you and his lips were just millimeters away from yours.

“I might be, but you're lying to yourself if you say you don’t like it,” he whispered softly, his voice was a bit deeper making your insides roll around. You hadn't felt like this in a while and you were excited for these feelings. Also for the man who was bringing life back into your life without you even noticing.

“You might be right.”

  The following weeks were pretty intense on yourself, half of you wanted to scream while the other was very confused at what the hell Jeon Jungkook was doing with your head. Which is why now you found yourself thinking what led to this point. Before Jin’s wedding, Jungkook and you would hang out sometimes. Although usually it was with your group of friends including Jennie and Jisoo, but now that you noticed you did tend to lean more on him. You both would sit next to each other at all times, share meals because you both wanted to try different thing from each other’s plate, you would fix his clothes when they were crooked, he would help you find and pick outfits, and so on. So, basically, you were dating. Only neither of you actually brought it up.

A constant knocking on your door made break away from your daydreaming, which kind of scared you. Jeon Jungkook and you? How? Like, Jin said a child? You shook your head at the thought and walked down the hallway towards the door. Not bothering to peak through the small hole on the door you opened the door to find a very sweaty Min Yoongi standing in front of you. A feeling of guilt and panic flooded your chest as your eyes found his, but you couldn't let him see how you felt.

“Who told you where I lived?” you said, but your voice sounded more confident than what you actually felt. Which was a huge difference.

“I don't need anyone to tell me, have you forgotten how much influence I have now?” his voice was deep and it made you swallow the lump in your throat you hadn't noticed you were holding.

“Yoongi, please le-” you tried to get out but it was quickly cut off by Yoongi.

“Don't do this, we have to talk,” Yoongi said putting his hand up against the door so you couldn't close the door on him.

“There’s nothing to talk ab-” you started again only to be cut off by Yoongi once again. By this point you were actually thinking if you were strong enough to try to close it.

“Of course there is! You left me! Not only once but twice, I fucking begged you stay and you left with that bunny thing you have. You traded me for that?” the man in front of you looked terrible as he spoke. There was dark circles under his eyes as if he hadn't slept in weeks, which only made you think of back at the wedding. It had only been six weeks and if you were right, Yoongi had probably barely slept in those six weeks.

“I did not trade anything because I don't belong to you anymore Min Yoongi, we are nothing,” shaking your head as the words came out of your mouth. The feelings from the break up rushed into your head making you groan in frustration. “That's the way you wanted things, so I made it easy on you and took me out of your equation,”

“You don't get it do you? I love you,”

“I'm not the same dumb girl that left everything behind for you. Now please leave,” you had enough of feeling this guilt that wasn't yours, it was his. He did it to himself and you only did what was best for you.

“Y/N, please,” he reached for you making you take a step back. His face shattered when he realized how you no longer wanted his touch. His eyes looked at you for a moment before looking down at his hand that was shaking. A feeling of sadness washed over you, he was the love of your life in the past and now in the present he was just a stranger at your door.

“Yoongi!” Jin screamed from across the street making you jump lightly and quickly turn towards the voice. “I told Jisoo not to leave my phone unattended while I went to the bathroom,”

“I had to see her Seokjin,” Yoongi rushed out as Jin put his hand on his shoulder. You could only stand there and look at both men. “I had to,”

“Yoongi don’t do this,” Jin insisted as he moved his hand around Yoongi’s shoulder’s giving you a look that said, I’m sorry. At this point you could only give Jin a nod and gave him a tired smile.

“I had to come, she has someone else, I have to get her back,” the words frantically spilled from Yoongi’s lips and you couldn’t help but to think of Jungkook, which made you feel slightly guilty.

“I have to..” you said looking around and then back at Jin sighing. He could only nod and grab Yoongi’s arm as you started to close the door.

“I’m sorry!” you heard Yoongi as the door fell shut making your heart ache. A small part of you wanted to go back outside and hold Yoongi, tell him that it’d be okay and that you were willing to give him another chance. The only thing that held you back was the fact that he had two free years to do that before the wedding yet he was doing it now that he saw another man in your life. Your head was starting to hurt the more you thought about it. Walking back into the kitchen you grabbed your cup of water, taking small sips as you heard small knocks on the door. The man you were in love with was knocking and you couldn’t move your feet.

  Jungkook arrived in the afternoon to find you sitting down on the floor of your kitchen, holding on to your cup of water that never seemed to finish. His eyes moved from you to the fridge, grabbing two banana milks and poking the straws in before handing it to you.

“Jin called me, he told me what happened and I don't want an explanation from you. I’m just here to provide myself in anyway that I can help you,” he whispered as he sat next to you. His head moved to lay your head on his shoulder, making you nod your head. You took a sip of your milk and sighed as your slipped your hand into his. The contrast of your hands in his made you think of how you would always do this with Yoongi. His bony fingers compared to your slender ones, while Jungkook's were more bulky and it made your hand seem tiny as if it could get lost in it.

“I don't want to love him anymore,” you said as you turned to look back at the man beside you. “He had two years to come and tell me how much he missed me, yet now that he sees me with someone else I suddenly become a thing back in his life. I don't want to be some kind of filler in his life,”

“You need someone to cherish you as much as you cherish them, maybe even more,” Jungkook finally said as he took your hand in his. The feeling of his hand was comforting considering the fact that you were both sitting down on the dirty floor of your kitchen with half empty bottles of banana milk.

“Where am I supposed to find that? Please, enlighten me,” you snorted back as you drank the remaining of milk in the bottle. Putting it down you moved away from the man beside you, his hand quickly reaching up to pull you down into him. The way you were pulled made you land on his lap and your eyes could only widen at the sudden action.

Your eyes quickly found Jungkook's and you could only pray he couldn't hear your heart that was pretty much beating out of your chest. His face was only a few centimeters away from yours. His hand was pushing your hair away from your face, your breath hitched as his hand touched your jaw. Jungkook’s finger slipped down to your chin pushing your face up to look at him. You felt his hands snake around your torso pulling you close to him, his face buried in your chest smiling as he pulled back from you to look at you.

“You deserve everything.”

  The next time you saw Yoongi was on tv because he was performing his comeback song that talked about heartbreak. You were chilling with Jisoo and Jennie watching Music Bank when his face propped up on the screen. You knew it was him before you saw the screen, his voice was something that was engraved in every living cell in your body.

“Oh hey, w-we don’t have to watch this,” Jisoo laughed nervously as she reached over for the remote. You could only sigh and shake your head as you grabbed the remote before she could.

“He’s famous Jisoo, I can't avoid because he’s going to be everywhere,” you said as Jennie stole the remote from you and flipped the channels back to some drama that was on.

“No, but you can date Jeon Jungkook,” Jennie said as she grabbed the bowl of popcorn from your lap and shrugged.

“Wait, hold up, who?” Jisoo asked with a questioning look in her face that was quickly replaced with a grin. “Oh my god! Wait, yes!”

“Guys, I’m sure he doesn't see me that way calm down,”

“Uh, yes he does he takes you on dates all the time,” Jennie said as a handful of popcorn landed on your lap and hair making you gasp. The three of you laughed and threw the remaining popcorn at each other. You were pretty sure you were going to find some later on when you showered (again).

“They're not dates, we just casually hang out,” you said back as you picked up some of the popcorn around you. You knew what she was saying was at least kind of true, but you refused to let her win.

“You steal half of his hoodies,” Jisoo said as she pulled out her phone, by the look on her face you knew it was Jin texting her again.

“That doesn't mean anything,”

“He’s got a key to your place and you to his,” Jennie brought up making Jisoo drop her phone on her lap. She could only grin and give you very fake wink which made you gag.

“Hey, I’m not the only one!”

“Okay but the other person is his roommate!”

“Just date him,” Jisoo shrugged and Jennie could only nodded to her comment. You groaned and stood up, shaking off any crumbs from your clothes.

“I’m leaving,” you scoffed and grabbed your bag making both girl laugh. You stuck your tongue out as you reached for your phone in your bag. You noticed a few texts from Jungkook and you could only bite the inside of your cheek to hold back the grin threatening to form on your lips.

  [4.37 pm] jungkook: i know ur chillin with ur girl pals but i got chinese

[4.39 pm] jungkook: i got u dumplings

[4.39 pm] jungkook: and soup

[4.48 pm] you: ur place or mine????

[4.48 pm] jungkook: im already at urs bc jimin has his highschool friend over

[4.49 pm] jungkook: but hurry up before ur food gets cold

[4.50 pm] you: u got it bunny

[4.51 pm] jungkook: i hate u

[4.52 pm] jungkook: im kidding but hurry

  “Is Jeon bringing take out to your place?” Jennie said wiggling her eyebrows at you and Jisoo could only laugh at her. Shaking your head again you waved as you walked to the door and turned back to look at your friends.

“I’m leaving! Goodbye!”

  You were in the middle of trying to find the keys to your apartment when the door suddenly burst open to find a very hungry bunny in front of you. Of course, that bunny was no other than Jeon Jungkook and from the looks of it, he had already devoured at least half of the lo mein and pretty much most of the rice. Not that you were complaining about the rice because he always forgot you preferred fried rice over plain white rice. He would always tell you it was wrong to fry it because plain one made your taste buds dance at the mixture of wonderful flavors in your mouth, and honestly you would always punch him after that.

“What took you so long to get here? Seriously your soup is on the verge of getting cold,” you heard Jungkook say as he let you in through the door making you laugh.

“Have you ever thought that we live in the middle of a city, that we might encounter traffic sometimes?” you questioned back as you kicked off your shoes and set them on the side of the door, looking back at Jungkook once you were done.

“Go eat your dumplings.” he finished and moved his hand around your shoulders, pulling you towards where the remaining food was.

Once the both of you were full and the food was cleared from your sight you both laid on the floor, your head resting on Jungkook’s thigh. You could only think of what your friends had said prior to being with him again.

“Whoa, are you actually thinking?” Jungkook asked as he sat up, holding himself up with his hands.

“Well, there’s some stuff that Jennie and Jisoo brought up and now that I’m adding things up they kind of fit together. I don't know how I feel about it or well, maybe how if I do something about it, it might change things and I don't want change,” you said turning on your side to get a better look at him. His eyes were laced with sleepiness and you knew he was awake just for you which made your insides flutter a bit.

“Change should always be for a good reason, if this change would make you happy in the end then it should be worth it,” Jungkook said making you nod at his words. Your eyes shifted from his to his shirt feeling your cheeks burn. Uncoincidentally your hands went to rub your cheeks, blushing wasn’t something you did often.

“What if this changes it?” you whispered as you picked at the the small hole on Jungkook’s jeans, tugging out small strands until he reached over and grabbed your hand in his.

“You’re going to make it bigger if you keep poking at it, also it?” he asked as his hand gave yours a small squeeze, his fingers moving through your hair making you shut your eyes.

“You,” you finally sighed keeping your eyes closed. You didn't want to be wrong about the suspicions between you and your friends, which is why you couldn’t look into his eyes. The feeling of a pair of lips finally broke your stance, making your eyes flutter open for a brief second before your lids fell shut once again.

Jungkook’s lips feel chapped and comfortably soft against yours, his hand was brought up to cup your cheek. The amount of different feelings that the kiss brought was too many for you to count. It was so long since you had be kissed and it felt like something foreign to you. Your hand found its way to rest against Jungkook's chest, your hand gripped his shirt as you pulled him closer to your body. You pulled away only to notice your breath was jagged, so was his and you could only smile. His forehead was pressed against yours, small pecks were pressed to your lips until they found your cheek.

“You have no idea how long I’ve been waiting for that.” he whispered against your skin, your hand was wrapped around his neck. His head was on your shoulder and his arms around your torso. Small circles were being traced over your sides and you thought about how perfect this moment was.

  When Jennie told you, ‘go on a date is fun’ you never imagined the stress that came with it. Of course, you had gone on plenty of dates but you were now a little rusty and you had already changed your outfit about five times in the last thirty minutes. You took one last glance at the clock and sighed again. The amount of clothes only managed to grow as time past on.

“Maybe I can just tell him I’m sick or something,” you whispered to yourself as you looked back at the mirror. The jeans Jisoo let you borrow showed off your curves in the right places, but you still had the urge to cover yourself up. Sighing you found yourself picking up one of the hoodies you stole from Jungkook and slipped it on.

“How about you just get your ass in my car?” your eyes widened making you turn towards where the voice came from. There was a very nicely dressed Jungkook in black jeans, a white shirt neatly tucked into his pants, along with his NASA bomber that he refused to let you borrow. ‘If I let you borrow it I’ll never get it back.’ you remember him saying when you first asked.

“Jeon! Fucking warn someone before you come in!” you screamed as you walked up to him and playfully pushed him back. He could only laugh at your actions which made you pout.

“You just looked too cute picking out shirts and being pouty and shit,” he said moving his arms around you, pressing a kiss to the top of your head.

  “You’re an idiot.”