#bcs i just lay there and contemplate too hard

[skitskatdacat63]

Back in my monthly depression era ig but. Thinking about social media and art, and how their relationship has fucked with me. I'm glad I started drawing fanart and I don't regret it. And I think I've really improved my skill this past half year plus. But man it gives me such a terrible complex. That paranoia of "who even would give a shit about this" and "when will people be done with me."

I think any artist always craves some recognition and praise no matter how much you say you draw for yourself. You can draw for yourself but it's still extremely gratifying and inspiring to have people's approval or thoughts on it.I used to draw for myself more and draw so much random art, but I discussed it a lot with friends and it made it more gratifying, to have that interest. And I lost that kinda, a lot. I feel like for a bit btwn losing that and drawing fanart, I can't really remember, I didn't draw as much bcs it just felt a bit unrewarded and it felt bleh.

And then I started drawing fanart. Which felt very rewarding. I'm happy I've not ever really felt the desire to make widely "appealing" art. If you look at even the first things I posted, it's extremely niche, and that's been a lot of fun! But it's also just made me so paranoid and self conscious. What if people get tired of this. What if people find it strange. What if people find it annoying. What if I'm being repetitive. Etc. It's really irritating bcs I KNOW people have told me they find my stuff interesting and that they like it. But my brain can't help but think, what is the expiration date on this, when will it become boring. I discuss my art with people and it's fun, but that self consciousness clings to me like a parasite. Like ah I better hurry this up and enjoy it while I can before they get annoyed and tired of it.

I guess this is all to say, I don't always like my relationship with art, and I hate the way social media messes with your brain. I remember for a bit I would post my art on Instagram and do the whole hashtag game. And then realized it was messing with my relationship with art so I dropped it. And then did the same thing with Twitter, than dropped it, etc. I just hate how I can't let myself enjoy anything. Idk maybe I'm just burnt out or something, but whenever I think of drawing lately, there's just this voice being like "what's the point of even drawing this, why would anyone care." I hate you evil voice in my brain!!!! It's not even a thing about notes, and I feel greedy even simply admitting any of this. I think it's more of a craving of a deeper connection and discussion. Which is what I always seek when I create art. But social media makes you think about numbers and attention and makes it unhealthy and makes you feel guilty for wanting something that's pretty reasonable.

Blah blah blah anyways don't reply to this like, oh you need to fix your relationship w art by taking a break from socmed! It's just this continual cycle and maybe one day I'll break it. But sometimes it just hits harder some days. I just want to stop feeling cringe. I hate it cause internally I'm like "I am cringe but I am free" but that only has to do with actually creating the stuff. Posting about it is the trap I think. Again though, it's natural to crave discussion and approval, but putting myself out there makes me want to curl up in a ball. I miss the days when I was younger and creating all kinds of random art and forcing it upon people with absolutely no shame. But now it's like. I toss my art into the room and shut the door and hide behind it with bated breath. And it often feels like any conversation I have just sates me for a tiny bit and then I go back to feeling empty. Is it ungrateful? Or is it just natural to want to keep having and partaking in a good thing?

Someone sent me advice on this feeling at some point, about how its better to talk to people individually rather than just on main. And I agree! I had a lot of fun the last third of last year. And for some reason it's just felt different ever since the new year began. I just don't know how to recover, and to start having fun like that again. I've drawn a lot of things I've immensely enjoyed since the year began, but for some reason, which I can't really parse, have had way worse self loathing and insecurity about it all. I just wanna recover my joy back :( is that too much to ask

Tldr; yay art improvement! Complex ideas! Much discussion! However: nay! Makes me feel cringe! Makes me feel like I'm running on limited time! Makes me crave too much!

[hardrockshrimp]

Snake age progression thing <3

[kalashtars]

venting in the tags yippeee

[fairyhaos]

✰ seventeen as boyfriends: wonwoo edition

event taglist (send ask to be added): @rubywonu @cinnamoroxie @belladaises @wheeboo @minhui896 @slytherinshua @kokoiinuts @jun-of-love @dandycharmer @sweet-like-caramel @hannyoontify @doesthismeannothingtoyou @fashionminghao

pairing: wonwoo x gn!reader

genre: fluff, headcanon, mini scenario

word count: 533 (it was SO HARD to get this into the 500s)

warnings: mingyu's called an ass in passing

notes: wonwoo edn. for the 500 event

with wonwoo, it's all about those small, quiet moments together. 

sitting on the couch and dozing on his shoulder while he's reading, laying sprawled on his bed as he sits at his computer making eye contact and smiling while seungkwan sits opposite you and talks your heads off

it's the small moments of attentiveness, of loving you a little more than others, of him crying with laughter bc of mingyu then smiling at you so sweetly and only for you.

he’s not screaming it from the mountains, but he’s loving you privately, softly, genuinely.

randomly taps you on the shoulder and presses his lips to yours, shrugging and just smiling when you ask him what that was for

gets you gifts completely out of the blue, just because he wanted to treat you

when you tease him, going all “oooh you must like me a lot huh?” he just grins and kisses you, saying yes of course and he’s always liked you a lot, wasn’t it obvious? <3

“Jeez… some of these are, like, two days away from their best-before date,” you say, holding the cans up so he can see. “Shouldn’t these be on sale or something? There’s no way I’d pay full price for this.”

You’re walking down the aisles in the store, shopping with Wonwoo, peering at the shelves as if you’re suspicious of them. Wonwoo pushes the shopping cart behind you, chuckling. He takes them from you and puts them back, nudging you with the cart to move along. “Good thing we don’t need any canned mushy peas then,” he says, and you scrunch your nose.

“Ugh, too true. Why anyone would buy canned mushy peas is beyond me.” You carry on walking. “Have we finished shopping yet?”

“Mingyu wants me to get him shampoo again, so we need to buy that,” Wonwoo says, and you roll your eyes in fake exasperation.

“Mingyu needs to buy his own stuff,” you say, but you’re already holding onto the cart and pulling Wonwoo towards the aisle where the shampoo is. “Tell his lazy ass that this is the last time we’re doing this for him.”

Wonwoo laughs, letting you drag him and the cart. “I’ll tell him you said that exactly.”

You grin back. “Good.”

As you browse the shelves, contemplating between the price options for Mingyu (you’re leaning towards the cheap ones) Wonwoo calls out to you, leaning against the handle of the cart.

“Y/N?”

“Hm?”

“Have you ever thought about us growing old together?”

It’s a random question, but you don’t even look up. “Of course. We’re definitely growing old together, Wonwoo, you’re stuck with me for eternity. You’re not wriggling out of this now.”

That makes him smile a little, struck by the natural way you’d said it. “Oh, am I not?”

“Nope.” You pick one bottle, and point it in Wonwoo’s direction. “You, Jeon Wonwoo, are going to be loved by me forever. Whether you like it or not.”

You grin, putting the bottle in the cart, and then drag him to the checkout. He’s smiling at you, so fondly, and he knows he looks like an idiot.

But, well. He would like that. A lot.

[s0fter-sin]

punk!soap metalhead!ghost brain blast!!!

ghost trying so hard to get soap out of the bad parts of the scene bc he's starting to get pulled in by the shadows, a group of wannabe anarchists that stand for nothing except themselves, but soap loses his shit; laying into ghost for daring to try and "save" him

no one's ever been there for him when he needed them; no one ever offered him support or a soft place to land, why the hell would he want ghost's help when he's perfectly fine on his own? (when he’s always had to be?)

"you think i can't make my own decisions? well fuck you, ghost, who needs a washed up piece o’ shite like you!"

he doesn’t talk to ghost for days, doesn’t let himself acknowledge the hole he’s left behind until he's getting pissed with the shadows one night in an abandoned house and graves starts waving around the gun he snuck through customs and it accidentally goes off, grazing soap's temple

he's never heard anything so loud, even at all the shows he’s attended and there’s so much blood; it's getting in his eyes, running down his neck and soaking into his clothes and he’s frozen. graves and all his shadows bolt after hearing the gunshot, worried about cops finding them and they leave him there; staring at the growing puddle at his feet

soap's panicking; half-blind, blistering pain lighting up his head and he can't think about anything beyond how much he wants ghost

ghost's been sulking at his flat since soap blew him off; pissed at soap for going off on him when he just wants to help but still worried about the punk. he doesn’t want him going down the same road as him; doesn’t want him to repeat his mistakes when he could save himself so much suffering and he almost doesn't answer his phone when it buzzes on the couch

he lets out a ragged sigh as he picks it up; raking a hand over his shaved head when he sees the bubble emoji and contemplates letting it ring out. contemplates answering with a growl; something a younger, crueler version of him would spit. in the end, he decides on silence and puts the phone to his ear just before it can stop ringing

he almost breaks it when he hears soap choke out, "i've been shot."

he's out the door in a heartbeat, running down the stairs because the lift is too slow; trying to get more information out of him but he can't get anything out beyond a repeated, "i've been shot."

he breaks every law there is as he speeds to soap's location; visions of his cold, bloodless corpse staining his mind's eye. the only thing keeping him calm are the strangled breaths from the other end of the line; he's not dead, he can work with not dead, this isn't tommy, soap won't end up like tommy-

ghost screeches to a halt outside a random alley and throws himself from the car when he sees soap collapsed against a garbage bin. he's covered in blood, soaked, just like that night, it's everywhere and he's not moving, he's not moving-

“johnny!”

he skids to his knees and fits his hand under his chin to check his pulse… but his heart beats strong under his fingertips and soap's eyes flutter open; flooded with blood but conscious and alive

the second he registers ghost in front of him, he’s reaching out for him; babbling apologies over and over, "you were right, i'm sorry ghost, i should've listened; i'm sorry, i'm so sorry."

ghost just gently hushes him, cupping his face heedless of the blood. "that doesn't matter now, johnny. we're gonna get you all fixed up, yeah?"

soap’s hands fist in his shirt, clinging to him. "i got shot, ghost," he says again; lost and smaller than he's ever heard from his punk and it's been years since he's felt this kind of rage but he doesn't let a drop of it touch his voice

“i know, lad. i know. gonna let me take a look at it? make it right?"

soap finally nods, his stuttering apologies coming to a halt and ghost runs back to his car to get a towel. he presses it to soap's skin, trying to soak up as much as he can so he can get a proper look; cooing assurances as soap absently hisses in pain the closer he gets to it

it's only a graze and something in his chest unravels; old fears and grief settling as the shallow wound continues to gush into the towel

ghost slumps, pressing his forehead into the top of soap's head and takes a second to just breathe. “‘s’alright, johnny; it’s not even that bad, not even that bad,” he promises, low; spoken more to himself than soap

his hand starts to grow damp and he forces himself to his feet, gathering up soap and getting him into his car. he puts the towel in his hand and presses it against the wound, trying to coax him through his shock to put pressure on it so he can drive

soap curls up in the passenger seat; eyes distant, seeing nothing and ghost has to tighten his grip on the steering wheel so he doesn't turn around

soap is the priority

he has to get him home; has to get him cleaned up and safe

then he can go hunting for the gutless shadow that hurt his punk

[callofloony]

Gentle Giant.

—

König x gn!reader, fluff, cuddles, comfort, no use of Y/N, not proofread.

A/n: just a lot of König being a sweetheart bc there’s not enough of that in the fandom <33 i hope my König guys and girlies are eating well

—

You lay on your side, grumbling with a pillow in your arms, everything had sucked today. Your boss was pushing you to the brink of exhaustion, you were overworked and stressed, and worst of all? There was no König to come home to, and snuggle with.

So, you decided to opt for his pillow. Holding it tight and breathing in the sent that lingered of him. It felt nice, comforting even. He had a hard job, you couldn’t always expect him to be around. You knew this. But it still sucked not being able to see one another.

So, you continue to lay their, dozing off as the pillow does its job. Obviously, you’d rather have the real König in your arms, but this will have to do for now… Until, you hear a knock on the bedroom door.

“Mein Schatz, are you in there? Can I come in?” A gentle voice asked on the other side, a voice you knew all to familiar. You sit up and let go of the pillow, slight shock appearing on your face as you spoke.

“König?” You stated, your voice exasperated but full of happiness, and König took that as a sign to come in. The biggest damn smile on his face as he walks over, pulling you in for a hug and kissing your cheek.

“I missed you, Liebling…” He said, nuzzling his face into the crook of your neck, and placing gentle kisses along the side of it, making you blush and giggle. This was what you’d been wanting this whole time! I suppose the universe wasn’t against you after all.

“I missed you too, hunny…” You replied, pulling him closer and allowing him to kiss your neck. That was your favorite thing about him, he always treated you so gently and sweetly, especially with his size and strength. He could crush you. But you knew he’d never.

He pulls back eventually, but remains close, peering into your eyes with such love, taking in your gorgeous features, before his gaze lands on your eye bags, and he looks a bit shocked.

He moves a hand to gently stroke your cheek, running his thumb around your eye area and contemplating, his head tilted, and face full of concern.

“What’s all this about? Have you not been sleeping well?” He asked, his voice soft and gentle. A twinge of worry laced into it.

“Just had a bad day, I always have problems sleeping while you’re gone. My boss is being a royal dick.” You replied with a sigh, remembering the way you got yelled at for turning something in passed its due date, even though you had 2 other projects in the works.

König gave you a sympathetic and sad smile, he’d always disliked your boss, it wasn’t fair. You should be treated better than that. He thinks for a moment, before a grin slowly starts to creep onto his face.

“Y’know what I think would help?” He asked, tilting his head again with a softer gaze, making you look up in curiosity.

“What is it?”

And that’s how you ended up here. Back pressed against his stomach, being spooned by your lovely boyfriend. His large body fully enveloping you in his warmth, and you couldn’t be happier.

He places a gentle kiss to the top of your head and pulls you closer, holding you in a tight and safe grip, feeling glad that he was finally home with you. His job was tasking, but the knowledge that you’d get to keep that adorable smile on your face if he continued, made it all worth it.

“Feeling better?” He asked, nuzzling his face back into your neck with a soft sigh, not wanting to let go for a while. You just chuckled and nodded, turning in his grip to face him and hold his cheek, placing a gentle kiss to his lips before speaking.

“Always.”

—

A/n: GRAAAA HOPE YOU ENJOYED!! This was via the rq of a friend, you know who you are! Goodbye <33

[slu7formen]

heyyyy, you are currently my new cedric obsession. i woshed i found u sooner fr. you wrote him so well ! can i request a cedric x fem slytherin established relationship or maybe pining please! where he’s just down bad with her just existing. maybe like he loves to see her studying very hard bcs he admires the ambition but then she collapses from exhaustion? and he takes care of her! fluff and maybe angst up to you!

@aishaleblanc thank you for supporting my writing, angel, I hope you enjoy this ! 🤍

You frowned your eyebrows deeper as your head sunk forward into the book you were reading, only to straighten up again to write on the piece of parchment the information that you just read. Your head kept moving left and right as you read and wrote, read and wrote, read and wrote.

Cedric grinned to himself as he contemplated you from afar, only a few seats away from you. He was not studying, but actually reading a book that you recommended him a few weeks ago, but as always, whenever you were around, he only focused on you.

He loved being around you, but whenever you studied, he knew he had to be as far away from you as possible, which was just a few meters away. He was not bothered by that, in fact, he agreed on doing so, because he knew that studying was one of the things in which you needed to concentrate the most, and that was understandable. But he couldn’t keep his eyes away from you, just reading a few lines on the book before checking on you again as he smiled softly.

He loved watching you study, it was one of his favorite things to do when you were near. His eyes shined as he memorized everything you did while your hand kept writing almost on its own. He was hypnotized by the way you had to keep fixing your hair behind your ear because sometimes you lowered your head too much, and your hair fell like a curtain over your soft face.

He always found it funny and cute how your eyes were all frowned as you read or wrote, a clear sign that you were way too concentrated on what you were doing, and how they would soften again when you got distracted with something or someone talked to you.

He loved the way you bit your lip when you were trying to finish writing a sentence at a fast pace, and let it go softly after finish another paragraph.

Truth was, Cedric was just obsessed with the simple fact of you existing.

Seeing you study was his favorite thing because of how silent and concentrated you were all of a sudden, how determinate you were to finish it all and all the ambition you put trough. But he went crazy about everything else too; how your lips pout unconsciously when you chew because you put too much food in your mouth, how you always groan when something in potions class doesn’t turn out the way you intended to, how you’re used to play with your fingers when you get nervous, how there’s one piece of your hair that is always curly because when you get bored, you grab it and twirl it around your finger until it hurts…

How you felt goosebumps on your skin whenever he kissed your neck, how your head would fall to his shoulders anytime it could, how you let him lay on your chest and you play with his hair, massaging his scalp as he breathed in deeply the scent of you, how you have to look up at him to kiss him, and how you softly moan when the kiss is too heated. How you hum all of a sudden when you sleep. How you let him explore every part of your body, even the ones you hate. How you let him read you like a book.

Cedric was in love with you.

His deep thinking was interrupted when you suddenly closed the book and groaned audibly, and someone from a table nearby tried to keep you quite by saying ‘shh!’.

“Oh, piss off” you turned your back to the girl, and she quickly erased the annoying look from her face when she saw your robe and realized it was you.

You placed your forearms over the big book, and then let your head fall to them.

Cedric closed his book as he got up from his chair, silently walking towards you, finally stopping behind your back. He placed the object close to your things as he let his big hands lay on your shoulders, massaging softly while he placed his mouth close to your ear.

“You still have time to finish this, why don’t you take a rest, hmm?” he whispered.

You sighed while straightening up as your fingers curled around your boyfriend’s hands, still on your shoulders, but he stopped his comforting movements as he looked down at you.

“I want to finish it” you buffed, stress and annoyance on your voice “But it’s just so difficult. Sometimes I hate Snape”

“See? There’s no way you can finish it today, honey. It’s okay to rest, don’t feel bad about it”

You stayed silent for a moment, your eyes roaming around your stained hands as the heavy book in front of you was waiting to be opened and read again by tired eyes. You breathed deeply while letting your head fall back to look at Cedric’s face, slightly groaning at the pulsing pain on your neck.

He softly took the back of your head while slightly pulling it forward again as he sat on a chair next to you, and his hand stayed around the back of your neck. “You need to rest” his voice demanded.

You hated how much control he had over you sometimes. People would assume that because of the house you belonged to, and your well known attitude, you would be the one dominant on the relationship, but the truth was, you were just a baby next to him, or a puppy. He loved taking care of you as if he was the only one who could do it right, and he did.

You knew that he knew that you wouldn’t be able to resist his gaze as he kept looking at your face, demanding you to stay as far away from the library as possible to spend some time with him, after all, it was friday afternoon and you had spent all day studying.

He still noticed your worried face, though.

“Let’s go somewhere else, let me give you some massages, no complaining, and then get a nap. You don’t have any classes with Snape until next week”

You stopped biting the inside of your cheek as you played with your nails. Cedric was already picking up your stuff so you wouldn’t carry anything on your own, and you slowly got up from your chair, absolutely silent. Just as always, you followed him.

“Will you nap with me?” you asked grabbing onto his arm and resting your head on it as you walked out of the library.

He chuckled. “I always do, love” his free arm curled around your shoulders before kissing your cheek softly. His minty smell was quick to make you feel dizzy, in a good way.

You hated how much he made you love him. You hated how you intended to look for him whenever you walked inside a classroom, how his smell was the first thing that you smelled in Amortentia, how good care he took of you, massaging your whole body, brushing your hair, kissing your face and saving the warmest cup of coffee for you every morning, just to mention a few things.

Merlin, you were in love with Cedric Diggory.

requests are open !! 🤍

[drgreysonmd]

(HOW WE FEELING ABOUT THE GREYSON FACE REVEAL TONIGHT🗣️⁉️)

(MOD💜TALK

Yo I was so excited I literally immediately started drawing him, and then hyperfixated all day and then did nothing but just sit in my feels. This is gonna be a long one about some blog stuff too, mates, so strap in!

@flamesque 's Mun LITERALLY had to hold my hand because I CRIED I was so nervous to see his face 😅🤣 it was the happiness of the game finally giving him all the attention I'd always wanted him to have, but the double edged sword of going

"Oh shit. Now everything I've grown so attracted to is officially wrong."

And so I had to sit here all day while I've painted and spoken to friends and fellow muns and just... had to really take a step back and think about how I was going to overhaul everything here too.

So the positive answer is- I'm SO EXCITED because I've already seen so many people talking about him and even my beloved @rose-tinted-kalopsia is planning on writing for him and maybe this means more fanworks for him! It's been very lonely in my little corner with just me screaming about how lovely he is and throwing out headcanon posts and snippets and art and

I get it. It can be hard to love a faceless man in a very visual game. No shade. I'm just happy and hopeful more people will engage in him as a character now!

I also think he's fucking ADORABLE. His glasses and his cute cheekbones and his grey blue eyes bc ofc he'd have grey eyes when his name is fucking Greyson (I swear to God everyone loves to hurt me with puns 🥴🤣) I'd love to see a little bit of a hairstyle change but I've already hit on that. Overall I love him. Very cute, 10/10, totally smashable. I'm getting Bedazzled Brendan Fraser vibes and I'm here for it.

On the less positive side- it's like saying goodbye to a very dear friend. This Grey, MY Grey has become somewhat of a very special blorbo to me. He ended up being like a half oc-half canon character and idek how it happened but it DID and here I lay very distraught and attached to him and it's a little heartbreaking to retire him, if that makes any sense.

It's been quiet here for a while partially due to personal stuff, but also partially due to my sensing the changing in the winds after the story update of No Morning. They've done a lot of lore building with him that while it doesn't give him any actual back story, it's changed or developed parts of his personality that really have diverged him from the Greyson we got snippets of early on. And I'm not mad about that mind you, he's still adorable and I will stand by him until my dying breath, but it's very clear that the Grey I've written, and the Grey they're writing now are diverging very quickly and I need to separate them rather than try and salvage a blend. It was bound to happen when the only thing we had to go on was as a side character in an anecdote, a side character in a single card, and a couple moments posts early on. 🤷‍♀️ (oh and that one Twitter interview).

I've contemplated making mine an OC (just another Dr at Akso) and keeping all the lore and backstory and stuff as his, and gutting this profile back to canon material ONLY, but once again that leaves it as very... well.... barren. I do believe there will be a lot more in store for him in the future, it's just gonna take a while (bc he's a side character so of course, it makes sense) so it might feel like I've kind of hurt or abandoned this place in the meantime, which is definitely not what I want either.

All in all there will obviously be some huge changes happening here, I'm just not entirely sure what they are yet and what that means for active threads too 😅 I have a lot of options so it's just down to figuring out which ones speak to me heart and Muse.

I realize this is probably all waaaaaaay more than you intended to ask so I'm sorry, but thanks for letting me gush all my feels out ahhhhhh♡)

[nerd-at-sea5]

'i spent my teen in rage, spiralin' in silence' (ao3 link)

title from 'seventeen going under' by sam fender - pt 2 here, pt 3 here

van and nat grow up together, they know one another better than anyone else on the team bar maybe jackie and shauna. however as they grow up, new situations and feeling arise. they don’t want to leave each other, in fact maybe they’re terrified to do so, this isn’t a healing friendships fic. this is how even when everything is set up for them to fall apart, the strings of love that have tied them together since childhood become in unbreakable.

a myriad of snippets showing how once they bonded, there way no way they would let go. contains; shitty dads, a lot of lesbianism, natalie decks someone (twice) (van gets a good hit in as well), coach ben contemplating why he became a coach in the first place, van dosent know how to stop laughing during serious situations, tai is super confused a lot of the time, and laura lee might be the most mentally stable out of all of them (lottie has stopped disagreeing due to recent events)

van uses they/them bc i do and i say so >:) (she/they nat that may become they/them nat in later fics but who knows)

cw - drinking/drugs, suicide ideation/attempt, self harm, guns, slurs, descriptions of gore, dead body(ies), attempted sexual assault

wilderness scenes takes place somewhere in the middle of s1e7 and s1e10 (laura lee is alive i love her) pov switching more than....i can't come up with a pun here, lots of pov swaps, also. nat's jewish <3 (to me) and that shows up here, don't like it-don't read it.

they're 4 years old when they meet. just about the age where they can sit on the couch and draw while their moms get high outside (that's the real reason natalie's over, if they're being honest).

her mother knocks on the door, and a small redhead peaks out from behind their mother's legs, a small hand with an even smaller wave, but natalie scatorccio is nothing if not energetic, eager to make the friends she’s never had in preschool, "hi! i'm natalie!" she practically runs into the house, not hearing their mother's sigh, the "she's always like this, little spaztic." (after all, they've been hearing it every other day) and the redhead breaks into a grin, missing tooth from running into the doorframe on display, "nat-lee?" "that's what my daddy calls me, natty! you can do it too, i don't mind!" "i'm vanessa." their smile wavers, and natalie scrunches her face up, "can i call you van?"

and when van's face splits into a massive smile, they nod, grabbing the other's hand and racing into their room to show off their cars.

---------

they're 8 years old when van's grandpa dies. nat dosen't fully get what it means-funerals, she knows death-but she knows that van came to school with teary eyes and said that they want her to be there.

that week in sunday school, they learn the mourners kaddish (natalie finds it painfully situational).

she has to walk herself to van's house because her dad is drunk and yelling at their mom when they sneak out the front door, dressed in an old faded black t-shirt and black jeans that they hoped would be appropriate.

when they get to the palmer's house, the door is open, and there's way too many people for natalie to be comfortable with, so she shakes out her hands to get rid of the weird feeling, and runs up to van's room as fast as she can.

"van?" they're sitting on their bed, tears slipping down their face, a black lump of fabric laying on their bed. "why aren't you dressed?"

"my...my mom said i hafta-" they cough, "to wear a dress. i don’t wanna. i don’t-i dunno why, i just don’t.”

nat considers this, thinking long and hard for an eight year old, and then firmly decides that-"that's stupid. here, take my clothes, we can swap." and proceeds to pull off their shirt and pants, handing it to van, who's teary face manages a smile, "thanks natty." the two pause, holding each others clothes, before van laughs, a missing tooth grin "i like your clothes."

natalie grins back, pulling the dress over their head, "i don't like this very much, it's scratchy. i can't run." she pauses, shivers at the texture, nerves crossing over van's face, "i can suck it up. just for you."

the hug van wraps her in is worth an uncomfortable dress, "i love you." "i love you too, van."

---------

van is 12 years old when they decide to join soccer.

and since they know nat needs a reason to leave the house, they manage to convince her to join.

"i am seriously going to punch you if you make me do this."

"you'd punch me no matter what, c'mon natty, it'll be fun!"

even with the complaints, van still watches while nat-normally doing a hundred things at once-is completely focused on a single task.

they find themselves face to face with a taller girl, her curly black hair pulled back as she sprints forward, tapping the ball back and forth as she lines up a shot on goal, twenty feet away, then fifteen, then ten, then-

she kicks, and van throws their small body harder than ever before, slamming their hand into the ball and curling inward onto themself, landing on the grass with a thud.

they pop up, grinning like a madman, while nat jumps up and down, dark hair falling in her eyes as she cheers, van matches, colliding with her.

the curly haired girl sticks out a hand, "taissa turner, that was a good save."

van's to busy wondering why their mouth stopped working as they spit out, "i'm vanes-van. van palmer, thanks." to notice nat's face has dropped, fear coating her eyes as van clasps taissa's hand, smiling.

"nice to meet you," it's practiced, van notes-the way taissa turns to nat and extends the same hand, nat's bad at keeping friends, good at making them. "natalie scatorccio." the kindness in their voice is forced only to van.

van snorts as taissa's eyes widen-nat always manages to throw people off by introducing herself as 'natalie'. (something about how it sounds fancier than she is, or at least that what jackie jokes).

they elbow her, "they go by nat, she's just a dick. natty, stop being a dick." and taissa's face molds back into the smile, giggling-only van can hear nat's "never, i'm a dick expert." van's heart jumping to their throat before they pinch her. (nat seems to warm up to taissa as the days go on)

---------

nat's 14 when she gets high for the first time.

jackie taylor was having a team party, and in a moment of pure insanity, nat stole her dad's weed.

they pulled van aside a little after everyone was settled, "i might have fucked up."

"is this a 'van i need you to cover for me while i put something i stole back' or a 'van i need you to hide a body' kind of 'i fucked up'?"

nat laughs, "no, dumbass, i stole my dad's pot." van's face drops, "no fucking way."

but she pulls it out, a few joints already made that hopefully won't end that badly for her, and all it takes is a glance back at the rest of the team before the two are running out to jackie's tire swing (the one shauna shipman broke her arm on last year). and she's grabbing the lighter from her pocket.

being high is funny. everything seems a little weirder, but nat kind of likes it, it makes them feel calm-their brain constantly racing through everything, but this...natalie can hear their own thoughts for the first time in, well, ever.

she's not sure she likes it, she dosen't like a lot of things, their dad, most classes at school....natalie isn't sure she even likes most people.

van's the exception. van's always been there. van'll always be there.

they knock into van's shoulder, who's been staring at the windows for the past twenty minutes.

"dude, you good?"

"i-uh." van's voice is lodged in their throat, and natalie blinks a few times before turning over, a silent "are you ok?" written on her face.

"natty...nat. nat, i like girls."

nat blinks again, "who doesn't?"

"no-nat." and she doesn't get it, doesn't everyone like girls? like the way their smiles are always so much softer than boys? like the way on the rare occasion she lets them, they hold her so much lighter? "i like girls how you like boys."

"i don't like boys." "natalie!"

she's pissed off now, "vanessa!" and they almost fall as they clamor off the tire swing, "you fucking idiot-i'm telling you i want to kiss girls, not that i don't think boys are fun to hangout with!" van is practically tearing up, and with a start, natalie realizes exactly what they were trying to do, "oh. oh shit-"

van lets out a shaky breath, and nat's brain starts racing again, overcoming the haze from the weed.

"that's not...that's not something everyone wants?" her own voice sounds much to small in her head, muted, like she’s speaking from behind glass, and even smaller when van shakes their head.

"no. it's not."

she swallows hard, "then i guess that makes two of us."

---------

when van is 15 years old, they see a dead body for the first time.

after weeks of hyping themself up, and nat teasing them in class, they managed to get their shit together enough to ask taissa if she'd like to see a movie together (as friends. duh.)

it ends up being beetlejuice, back in theaters for some reason or another, not that van cares-nat showed up at their house earlier-walking back to her house with kevyn tan, and handed van 20$ with a shady grin that van just knows means she did not get this safely or intelligently. (nat also threw a condom at them. van threw a book in return.)

and taissa said yes, but she's choosing the movie. van could care less what they saw.

so they paied for popcorn and soda and candy, feeling all floaty-like whenever they get high with nat. granted, van didn't like being high that much, it was a once every other month kind of thing for them.

the theater is dark, and van's only half paying attention to the movie-taissa keeps jolting on all the cheep jump scares, eventually she hands van the popcorn, pushing their hair back to whisper in their ear-ignoring or just not seeing how van's entire body stilled-"please keep this i think i'll tip it over."

when not five minutes later taissa grabs van's hand, and van is silently thanking whatever god there is that this theater is dark because oh my actual fucking god.

on their way out they tease her for it, "really, the silly demon?" "shut up, he's kind of scary!" "no, tai. he's really not-" and if tai's blushing even a little...van's smiling harder than they ever thought possible.

that's when the sirens go off, the ambulance speeding down the street, past the houses and down the road to....

"fuck."

taissa looks confused, van can feel panic invading their bones, their brain jumping to the worst conclusion-it's not her. a bunch of people live there. the trailer park always has the cops there for one reason or another.

she's fine, she's fine-kevyn tan is outside the liquor store breathing like he's just run a mile, terror coating his face.

"fuck, fuck-taissa-i'm so sorry, i have to go, here-" they hand her the rest of the candy and another apology before springing as fast as they can after the ambulance, leaving taisssa confused and heartsick outside the theater.

van's heart nearly falls to their feet when they see a black tarp covering....someone. the grass is stained red when they get there, and a cop flings his arm out before van can run up the stairs.

"get off me!"

"hey, hey kid calm down-"

van wriggles until he lets go, and there's tears pouring down their face as they stare around wildly, "who-who is it? tell me, please!"

his face calms a little, "shane."

they collapse on the floor, sick relief flooding-she's ok. thank god they're ok. "where-where's nat. natalie, where is she?"

they can feel an arm pulling them up, "c'mere kiddo.”and he walks them to one of the cop cars.

van can see vera, tears steaming down her face and red on her hands, waving madly at the cops, van caught the words 'unexpected', 'spaz' and 'insane'. another cop standing next to a dark haired girl, silently staring at the black tarp with wide, shell-shocked eyes.

"NAT!" van stops themself before crashing into her, nat's touch reservations still holding prominent, before the taller collapses into van, sobbing uncontrollably into their shoulder.

the two sink to the floor, van holding onto their friend as tight as they could ever, they watch as the body is lifted to the ambulance, they don't turn away in time as the deputy or whoever the hell he is lifts the tarp and whistles.

van's eyes catch, shane's eye and half his fucking head gone, blown off, blood still dripping, flecks of brain matter. they swallow down the popcorn and fanta that threatens to arise, whispering into nat's hair, "what the fuck happened....?"

---------

nat is 16 when she starts to slip away from the person van's known basically their entire life.

they're still there when van calls them at 3am because they're shaking so hard they can't move, or when they come to school with scrapes on their face from the bottle their mom threw the night before, she still patches them up in the locker room with soft hands and a brightly colored band aid.

natalie's always there, but it's becoming less and less.....natalie.

they get into a fight, their first real one in possibly ever, and when nat goes home she nearly puts her fist through the wall because of it. it wasn't even a real fight, it was pathetic.

it's been six months-six months of ignoring the increased whispers in the halls, six months of passing her classes only because the teachers feel bad, six months of kevyn and charlie treating her like she's glass.

six months of working themself so hard at soccer that when nat gets home she doesn't even have the energy to think.

it's better than the other alternatives she's tried. the ones that leave white lines on pale skin, and make showering sting.

they liked the blonde. it changed during the first month, van helped-neither of them could smell for a week after, but she liked it. it felt safer than the others, but still stung for a little bit when it was setting.

they win their first game of the season, natalie's pass to taissa passing smoothly through the other team members legs, taissa sprinting up and tapping it to lottie who sends the ball sailing over the goalie's head and into the corner of the net.

they cheer their way back into the locker room, and a warm sense of pride spreads through nat's chest for the first time in six months.

they're so happy that everything that's been pressing down feels like it's taken a break, left her mind, let them forget. it's floating away like a balloon, up up.....gone.

lottie mathews is holding onto their shoulders and shaking them as someone slams a tape into the player, and music starts blasting and natalie's grinning harder than she knew they could, blushing unnatrually hard at the attention from the tall girl (lottie’s always loved dancing with natalie, why does it feels so weird this time?)

van's arm is looping around their shoulders, nat's hands hooking around their waist.

they feel like a kid. like when they'd climb as high as she could in the trees and it felt like no one would ever be as high, that the world was wherever she could see-nothing else mattered.

"we fuckin' did it natty, we fuckin' did it!!"

and everything comes crashing, slamming back onto her. pinning their lungs and holding them underwater, dousing the flame with gallons of water with every click of the lighter.

images flick through her head like a screwed up slide show and all natalie can see is her dad's body, her mother's hands and dress slowly overtaken.

she can't see anything else. she can smell the metallic tang and hear the ringing in their ears.

before they know what she's doing, van is pressed against a locker, natalie's hands holding down their wrists, misty's slammed a hand on the 'pause' button, laura lee's jaw wide open. shauna let’s out a soft ‘woah-’ and taissa freezes.

natalie's breathing hard, fighting to keep van's face in front of her, the echo is getting louder with each heartbeat.

"don't. call me that." they manage to force out, sounding much harder than they had wanted, it sounds mean, cold. maybe that's better.

"ever again."

and as they turn away, van's hands connecting with their back in a soft shove, not hard enough to do any damage, some hidden creature inside natalie's chest explodes out.

"what the fuck is your problem, nat?!"

"you!" she spins, stalking up to van, who's face contorts from confusion to defense, "you and that stupid fucking nickname! alright? so just shut the hell up about it!"

they stalk out of the locker room, not missing lottie's worried face or jackie's mutter of "jesus fuck, that girl's a spaz."

eventually they managed to not hit any walls, and insted found the boys at one of the football guy's houses, not that nat really enjoyed football boys, but it's free alcohol and a chance to forget everything she said, everything they didn't mean.

sitting on a windowsill with a shitty bottle of beer, their mind replaying every moment of it, the guilt coming back over and over.

she didn't know why she snapped, but they knew they had to say sorry, say sorry and fix this, somehow. van would get it, they always got it. nat rarely got mad at them, but they were always mad at someone. van was always mad at their mom. nat got it.

"hey, hey."

nat looked up, a boy in a letterman jacket with an annoyingly bright grin that made him look like the hot boy in every teen romcom movie that laura lee picked whenever it was her choice at movie night had his hand on top of the window, beer in hand. he was grinning directly down at her.

something about him made nat want to gag. it was probably his face. something else about him made nat want to run out of her own skin. also probably his face.

she nods in his direction before going back to staring out the window.

"what're you doing here all alone?"

"does it matter?"

he grinned again, and nat's hand instinctively went to her pocket, intending to close around the swiss army knife.

insted, the boys hand shot out and held her wrist in place, inches away from the knife.

"let go."

he leaned down, she could smell the beer on his breathe, could feel her own speeding up. she still had one arm.

"not until you give me a kiss."

"what the fuck, man? i don't even know you."

natalie twisted, intending to land a knee in his groin, but insted her back slammed painfully into the wall, and his entire body pressed against hers.

"i said let go, fucker!"

he laughed, and that thing that had exploded only hours before formed again, reared it's head up again-pulling out their free wrist from their back, and as the boy leaned impossibly closer, slammed into the side of his cheek.

"CRAZY FUCKING BITCH!" it came out with flecks of spit and blood, but she only pulled back again and struck him in the same place, the creature screaming in pride, again, again, again, again-

"NATALIE!"

the creature vanished, crawling back, away, hiding again inside of nat, the boy did the same, crawling to his feet and running into a new room, adjusting his pants as he did so.

nat turned, heart leaping into her throat as she saw lottie staring daggers in the direction of the boy, and then turning to give a soft smile at nat, "are you alright?"

"i-uh. mhm."

lottie gave her a funny look, and natalie had the strange feeling that her entire body was being x-rayed, lottie scanning through to see everything, read their entire person.

"you're bleeding."

she was right, nat's knuckles had split, it was barley anything, but lottie still took them by the hand and lead them into the bathroom.

"what happened?"

some part of natalie couldn't even attempt to lie to her. by the end of the story, however-lottie looked relived, "at least you're ok." she smiled, and natalie blinked.

"fuck."

lottie's smile wavered, "what?"

"nothing. why are you here?"

the taller girl shrugged, "van wanted to come but tai was busy so now i'm here."

natalie winced, weather from surprise or the soap and water lottie was gently rubbing over their knuckles, she didn't know.

"van's here?"

lottie nodded, "mhm. i can get them if you want, i think they'd like to talk to you."

nat blinked, trying to keep a straight face as her mind ran through outcome after outcome after outcome. what if van hated them? what if they never wanted to talk again?

"yeah. alright, whatever."

the other smiled, "i'm glad." and then bent down to kiss natalie's knuckles.

natalie froze, a weird sensation flooding through their entire body, landing in their chest and spreading out to her cheeks and hands, heating up her face, "it's what i always see them do in movies whenever someone's hurt." lottie pauses, considers, "the romance ones at least. i figured it couldn't hurt."

nat nodded slowly, "mhm." as lottie left with a smile, off to find van. nat slowly stood up and glances at her reflection in the mirror, her entire face was pink, "what the fuck?"

the door opens again, and van trips in backward, "lottie what the actual fu-nat?"

the door clicks shut, and the mask that nat's had up for months gets torn down in a second.

"i'm so sorry-i shouldn't have shoved you or sworn at you or-"

it all comes flooding out, and in the middle of it, natalie's hit with the realization; the only person she's ever apologized to, genuinely at least-screaming cries of 'i'm sorry' don't really count when it's aimed at natalie's parents-is van.

"nat!" she stops, as van's all too familiar smile swims back into place, "you're still going through a lot of shit. i know you don't want to admit it, or anything really, but you're a kid." natalie scoffs, and van gives her a look, "and i keep thinking you're changing and of course you are. i'm not mad at you, yeah i kinda wanted to slap you but i'm not mad. ok i'm not that mad. i'm definitely pissed, but we're cool."

natalie hesitates for a second, then smiles, "when the hell did you get so smart?"

van blushes, "hanging out with taissa is doing something fucked to my brain-she actually likes studying."

"just studying, hm?" nat's smirk is back in it's normal place, and van knocks into their shoulder, "says the flamingo after lottie was in here."

"dude. that...i think she broke me."

"really? how the every loving fuck did charlotte matthews break you?

"she's like....magic?"

"how high are you right now?

"no i'm serious it's so weird. she kissed my knuckles after bandaging them."

"nat you are a giant fucking dyke."

"says you."

[anonymous-eggy]

✨Connor and Nicky Incorrect quotes Pt. 3✨

because i need to ease myself back into creating bc APPARENTLY trying to jump straight back in produces nothing. here's the lovely generator used!

✦

Chris: I lost Connor.

Nicky: How did you LOSE Connor?!

Chris: To be fair, they are very small.

✦

Chris: Dinosaurs aren't extinct. I mean, Nicky is walking in this room.

Connor: *wheezes in "older than Nicky"*

✦

Chris: So... who's the big spoon and who's the little spoon?

Connor: We're chopsticks!

Chris: Well... that's cute!

Chris: Does that mean you two snuggle together perfectly?

Nicky: No, it means that if you take the other away, the only thing the other is good for is stabbing.

✦

Nicky, in a high voice, holding Barbie: Hey, Ken! I was thinking about going back to school and starting a career!

Connor, in a deep voice, holding Ken: Nonsense, Barbie. You’re staying home and having my kids.

Chris: What the fuck are you guys doing?

Nicky: Playing systemic oppression.

✦

Chris: So, what's it like living with Connor?

Nicky: They once referred to sand as "heterosexual glitter."

Chris: ...

Nicky: I love them so much.

✦

Nicky: I haven't seen Chris and Connor for fifteen minutes now.

*Outside a nearby window, a car without a driver inside is seen rolling down a driveway, with Chris and Connor running after it in a panic. Nicky doesn't look outside at all.*

Nicky: That probably means they're getting into trouble.

✦

Nicky: Guess what number I’m thinking of.

Chris: 420?

Nicky: No, that’s really immature of you. Someone else guess, and please take this seriously.

Connor: 69.

Nicky: Yeah it was 69.

✦

(the New York ending)

Connor: What do I get?

Nicky: A night of fashion, mischief, mayhem, and possible death.

Connor: Ooh, check, check, and check; not sure about that last one.

Nicky: It won't be you.

Connor: I'll get my coat.

✦

(Chris made an excess of pasta and asked Nicky and Connor for advice)

Nicky: You made enough pasta that you could take it to lunch tomorrow. Put it in a container.

Connor: Shovel the pasta into your face. Do it. Put it in your face. The future is meaningless but the pasta is now.

✦

(Connor neglected to tell Nicky that too much caffeine makes his heartrate explode and almost fainted)

Nicky: Connor is restricted to decaf for the rest of this adventure.

✦

Connor, peeling a banana: May I take your jacket, sir? Hahahaha.

Nicky: Do you think other people can’t hear you?

✦

Nicky: Connor is playing hard to get.

Nicky: Little does he know, I'm a master at playing hard to get rid of.

✦

Nicky: What is wrong with you?

Connor: Loaded question. Elaborate.

✦

Nicky: That’s the key slice of truth we need to complete the entire truth pie.

Connor: Ooh, can we get some actual pie?

Nicky: I like the way you think.

✦

(Hollywood ending)

Nicky, contemplating real hard with the actors:... i feel like doing something stupid

Connor, without missing a beat and quickly looking up from the script he's reading: Im stupid!

✦

Ralph: What’s up with Connor? They’ve been laying on the floor for like….an hour now?

Chris: They're just a little overwhelmed.

Ralph: Why?

Chris: Nicky smiled at them.

✦

Connor: This food is too hot... I cant eat it.

Nicky: You’re very hot, and I still eat you.

Everyone at the table: *silence*

Chris: YOU GUYS ARE DISGUSTING!

Ralph: One dinner... I just want ONE DINNER!

✦

Nicky, setting down a card: Ace of spades.

Chris, pulling out an Uno card: +4.

Connor, pulling out a Pokémon card: Jolteon, I choose you!

Ralph, trembling: What are we playing?!

✦

Nicky: I like to think of myself as a semi responsible adult here.

Chris: Connor is 70% of your impulse control and you know this Nicky.

Connor: I feel like Nicky is the more responsible one of us two though.

Nicky: We are both 70% of each others' impulse control.

Connor: Just two lil beasts in pinwheel hats spinning on the merry-go-round at dangerous velocities, holding each other’s hands so the other doesn’t fall off.

✦

Connor: Could you guys at least try to see this from my perspective?

Chris: *crouches down*

Ralph: *kneels down*

Nicky: *sits on the floor*

Connor:

Connor: I hate all of you.

✦

Chris: What do you want then?

Ralph: Er… something work related.

Chris: What department is this?

Ralph: Sorry?

Chris: Well, if it’s work related you’d obviously know what department this is. What department is this?

Ralph: *looks at Connor and Nicky* Some sort of homosexual department?

✦

Connor: I told Chris to grab snacks for everyone.

Ralph, looking through the options: Why did you grab fruit snacks? Are you five? Who even likes Fruit Snacks?

*Connor, Chris, and Nicky raise their hands*

✦

(Connor would probably end up in a hospital if this actually happened)

Nicky: Today at 7 am, Connor poured a Monster energy drink in their coffee, said "I'm going to die" and drank the whole thing.

Chris: I watched Connor brew their coffee with Monster instead of water. Three cups in two hours. I think they ascended into the astral realm.

Ralph: The survivability of the human race never fails to amaze me.

✦

Connor: Your smile? It makes my day.

Nicky: Your happiness? I live for that.

Ralph: A room? Get one.

Chris: Hotel? Trivago.

✦

Ralph: I sleep with a gun under my pillow.

Chris: I sleep with a knife.

Connor: Both of you are pathetic.

Ralph: Oh yeah? What do you sleep with?

Connor: Nicky.

✦

Ralph: You have friends and I envy that.

Nicky: You're welcome to share my friends.

Ralph: *looks at Connor and Chris*

Ralph: I don't want those.

✦

Connor: My gender is in a constant state of flux.

✦

Connor: Arson? Oh, you mean "crime brûlée".

✦

Demon: Hey, I took your soul last month and-

Connor: No returns.

Demon: *sobbing* But it's making me sad...

✦

Nicky: Connor told me that brown is just navy orange, and I have never been more disappointed with something I agree with.

✦

(i like to think Connor often wakes Nicky up to tell him this stuff)

Connor: Strawberry milk doesn’t taste like strawberry OR milk.

Nicky: Go the fuck to sleep Connor.

✦

Connor: Bro-

Nicky: No, no, hold up, rewind.

Nicky: My tongue was down in your throat just a second ago and now you're calling me bro??

[wick-de-la-vela]

WICK PLEASE TELL ME ABOUT LITERALLY ANY OF THOSE WIPS. DEALER’S CHOICE. THEY ALL LOOK SO INTERESTING

AAAAAAAH Thank you!!!! Truth be told I feel like my naming conventions are a bit weird lolol I'll do a few actually!

"spawn4spawn_altstartBG3"

I'll start with this one since it is the only one currently readable. It is called "Sweetest Mouth, Full of Blood", pretty dark canon divergent DarkUrge/Astarion AU and mind the tags because it gets graphic. However there is lots of dark humor as well. Currently plucking away at a chapter about an underground fighting ring.

Snippet !! Hard to pick a place, but here:

The Dark Urge contemplated the selection of grips, chains, thumbscrews, whips, and various other implements organized from least to most menacing on the wall of its personal torture chamber. Eeny, meeny, miney… you, it thought, plucking up a small but sturdy pair of pliers. Shaped like a steel wishbone, they fit neatly into the palm of its hand like a perfect extension of itself.

A muffled whimper, wet and pitiful, cut through its tranquil appreciation. A fine ribbon of anger wound around its animal-brain.

“What did I just tell you, Thalia?” The Urge asked pleasantly, turning to look at her. Its rumbling voice held the sweetness of a fly-trap, the gracious invitation before the snap shut where escape would no longer be possible.

I think the other one I put the most effort into was:

"ofmdpotcau"

It stood for "Our Flag Means Death Pirates of the Caribbean AU" which, yes I realize it seems outwardly silly to make a fictional pirate au out of a fictional pirate show, but listen. The Barbossa/Elizabeth eating scene was so rife with Uh Hello????? Hello sir???????? The most horny shit I've ever seen. So uh. yeah. We just skeletonized Ed's gang and also most of Stede's gang, with Ed playing a combo role of Jack Sparrow and Barbossa, and Stede playing a combo of Will Turner and Elizabeth (it makes sense when I lay it out). There was going to be lactation kink in there somewhere because haha the bone guys need calcium lol. Also literally every single character was trans bc I was just discovering the joy of hitting guys with my trans beams.

Snippet:

“I trust you won’t continue this tedium during the event proper,” her father said in that way that sounded like an order rather than an innocent observation. “Silence is a virtue for young ladies.”

“I’m not that young,” Stede protested petulantly.

“Yes. That is the problem.” Her father frowned. The look he gave her suggested he thought she was being particularly stupid, but it was beneath him to say so.

Stede curled in on herself out of instinct. She’d borne too many lectures on the unacceptable nature of spinsterhood to have expected any differently now, but oddly enough, her father only stared out the window at the passing palm forests, contemplative and smiling slightly.

It was the smile that unsettled Stede. Her father’s neutral expression resided somewhere between the realms of grim and menacing, so a smile from him was a foreign thing. She didn’t know what it meant, but she didn’t trust it.

The carriage bumped and rattled its way up to the fort, where Stede was helped down from it by a bored soldier. She trailed close behind her father like an out-of-breath shadow. Her skirts were just a touch too long, getting underfoot if she wasn’t careful to lift them up out of the way.

[thisdreamplace]

hi dreamplace, it’s me. I wanted to tell you something that happened. for the past days, it’s been rough. but I remember you and your podcast, and I tell myself that everything will turn out right. last night, I got hit hard but there is light. a part of me just doesn’t feel like life is worth doing anything so I don’t do much of anything or I just hold myself from doing what I need to. this bit me in the ass last night LMAO. i find myself just laying down on my phone a lot because that’s the only time life feels good. I had a college assignment due. If I didn’t do it on time, I’d be dropped from the course. this meant that I’d lose some of my financial aid and I won’t have enough credits. so i told myself, whatever, I’ll lay down and watch this tarot reading (i needed the comfort) and I ended up falling asleep for too long. I missed the deadline. I woke up panicking and I cried. although I don’t care about college at all, I have to do well bc I have nothing else for me rn. so, I calmed myself down. I did not believe in my abilities at all. I still don’t believe now, but I told myself, “it’s going to be okay. stressing and crying won’t do me any good” so I was calm. I still doubted but I just made myself relax. I woke up this morning … the professor re-uploaded the assignment. so now I won’t be dropped. I’m not sure how to feel. I still don’t believe in myself tbh, but a part of me is like, maybe everything can be okay. I know it was such a small incident, but any type of relief I can get in life feels better than none. 🏆 It feels like a success but I hope I can get this success for things I genuinely want now. I guess what I learned from this is just remain calm. no amount of negativity I forced upon myself has ever helped an outcome. all I can do is maintain peace on the inside I guess. still confused on how to go about manifesting, but I know it’s okay :)

hello <3 i am sorry it took me a while to reply to this !

it was a lil magic moment to nudge you and remind you that everything is okay <3 everything always work out, no matter what. i feel like that is a basic given in life, the law just emphasizes it and puts so much pressure on us. but if u just relax.... you'll see the natural flow of life actually flows in your favor. (the tao of pooh !) i think that this experience was a hint on how to go about manifesting. because it's just not..... that deep. and it satisfies the ego when there's all these extensive posts and how-to's and etc etc because it feels like something we get to work out, and the ego wants to work. the ego wants to find problems and dwell in them and contemplate endless solutions to endless problems. but it really is that simple, just letting life flow. :)

i'm really glad that was such a nice lil moment for you <3

[readyforthegarden]

I have an anon tag 🥹 I’m so honored 💖 Well if that’s the case might as well share another lol

Some nights Josh can’t stop rambling as you two lay in bed. And most of these nights it’s hard for you not to keep conversation with him. You’re proudly known as the couple that won’t shut the fuck up and you wouldn’t have it any other way. What can you say, you just love talking to the guy.

But the street is quiet, the moon is hiding behind clouds, the bed is warm. Your eyes grow heavy in a moment silence from him, his most recent statement lingering in the air as the alarm clock ticks away on the bedside table. You’re more than happy to surrender the night right here, right now. You have work in the morning and it’s already well past your desired bedtime.

But what you hoped was his final contribution to the evening turned out to be a moment of contemplation for him. As he opens his mouth once again, voice hushed and deep but all too awake in comparison to yours, you groan.

“Baby,” you interrupt. He acknowledges you with a hum. “now would be a great time for you to go meditate.”

A deep chuckle rumbles from him, and in the darkness he pulls closer pressing his lips into your hair. “Alright, alright, point taken.”

-maladaptive josh 💖

Bestie please all I want in the world is to be laying in bed with josh in the middle of the night and just sleepy talks and cuddles until the point of no return from exhaustion claims me. There are so many beautiful and intimate moments that aren’t sex that can happen in bed in the early hours of the morning and I live for those moments!!! Revealing small secrets, trying to remember that one actors name from that thing you watched one time, but he was also in the other thing too and you just can’t place him and neither of you want to use your phones bc it’s on the tip of your tongues you just know it!!!

Maladaptive Josh Anon, come around here anytime, please. I love these so much!!

[princessdreamie]

DBH part 39

New chatacter: Maggie Larson (Ma: Bu's partner in crime)

Once they came into the waiting area at the end of the hall, Bu and his companion met up with the others. Br & Bu hugged eachother, catching up on what was going on, while the parents spoke to the tall woman he came with. She told them that she came to record his progress while he was back home. N had some suspicions about the whole ordeal, so she kept all that information in the back of her head.

The brother and sister duo, were standing further back in the background and the teenager talked about her endeavors after his time overseas. And that's what he was counting on. He knew that his big sid had some valuable information, even if most of it was just some boy crazy drama. Most of the time he kept his facade in tact, that was until she started talking about their girl cousin and her clique. He was already pissed at her, since it was her fault that he was shipped away. Once he heared Lo's name and that he started being friendly with the other kids, the mood shifted inside of him. He was aware that the boy was weak. But he never would have thought that Lo might turn his back on him one day. His frozen face concerned Br so he had to make up a lie to cover his feelings.

The family of 4 sat in the car and they keep asking what it was like with the doctors and how long he would be staying. In his words: „As long as my company guide it going to let me.”

N & Br were happy to hear that. Not knowing how this was not exactly how it will go.

Flashback to Bu's room at the psychological institute

The boy was laying on his small and narrow bed, contemplating on how to get out of here. His door opened, sitting up ready for a new day to break another dorks mental state.

But this lady didnt look like she was working for them. And that's caugh him off guard. She didnt act all friendly and professional. She was not even scared of him as she walked up to his bed.

Standing over him next to his bed, the woman introduced herself as an ally of his. Saying that she has a grudge against some of his own enemies. She wouldnt say who but the person made sure to get him on her site.

It didnt take too long for him to jump on board and they layed down a plan to follow up on.

End of flashback

The rest of the stantons, excluding K & Na (K had work to do and N had a sleepover with her girl friends) wait in anticipation of the young boy's return. J didnt tell K or her daughter about Bu's return bc she didnt want her kid to freak out and separate herself from her family any further as she already was. Even if his arrival was short notice they had a feeling that he might have changed. Lv was not sure if they could trust him just bc he was allowed for a visit. All this was just to abnormal. They didn't even hear from St yet if his was a legit visit.

Mav tried calling his friend but to no avail. He would have asked his assistant, but he didnt have her private number saved.

Lv made a mental note to ask Fa or C for her number, both know her personally so that might not be that hard.

What would be is finding her. Mt and Co had different workplaces and they dont get home until late evening of they work overtime.

Long after they had stopped arguing over the matter, the front door finally opened. Everyone, including Fl, looked around the corner. The first thing that caught their eye was a very tall woman with white jacket and grey pants. But no N or even Ct insight. Not even the kids had arrived.

Long after they had stopped arguing over the matter, the front door finally opened. Everyone, including Fl, looked around the corner. The first thing that caught their eye was a very tall woman with white jacket and grey pants. But no N or even Ct insight. Not even the kids had arrived.

One of the butlers asked the stranger who let her in. To which she responded in a tired tone: „Relax, my good man. That is not a way to speak to a doctor. I got the location of the spare key from your young master, so this not going to be a problem, now is it?”

The ppl still in the other room were baffled at her rude behavior. Once the woman walked up to their location they acted like they didnt witness her rude behavior just then.

The woman introduced herself as Maggie Larson, Bu's supervisor on this trip. Her duty was to figure out if the boy was ready for 'the next step'.

Lv and Gr didnt like the sound of that. It was just to strange to find out about it from Bu instead of one of the emploees of the institute.

The other thing they got was an email from an assitant a few days after Bu and Br texted eachother. Some things still didnt add up on other things as well. So Gr & his son took some caution forwards her.

But since they couldnt get a hold on St they kept to themselves.

Not long after another car arrived. This time it was N and the rest of her brats.

Tt, who was sitting on the sofa all this time, glanced outside the window and growled at the boy ouside. He sent a quick notice to Ll, warning her for an upcoming disaster.

Cut to E's firm

Ll was swaying on her dad's shoulder when he got Tts warning. E asked her what made her so anxious all of a sudden.

As usual she passed on the information and sure enough, the CEO was not happy about the news.

Another message came again, this time Tt asking if he could ask Mt to send Co's phone number to Lv so he could talk to her about her boss.

E ordered Ll to message his assistant about it b4 he went back to work.

[therapyevents]

so part of this hit a relatable chord.

the cozzy lives is big, but actually i have more availabile spending money now than i did before with my ex and so i kinda relate to the guy. ot because i know the situation,i dont, but i can project myself there and contemplate it in a sympathetic way ig?

so with ex, he was always late paying bills, paying back, paying anything tbh. he's a leech but he doesn't have the awareness to know he is. he just gets shit free bc people give him things bc he cant afford it, but he cant afford it cos he's shit with money lmao

like he would spend, no exaggeration, £100 a WEEK at this burger van near a place he worked once. 400 ish a month. he earnt more than me, i was on about 900pcm and he got about 1.3 or 1.4 at the time. rent was 900ish split in half. somehow, i always had to cover the rent fully, wait for him to pay me which he'd do in like 2 or 3 payments bc he cant afford it. but he can buy 100 per week of burgers smh

when it came to takeout or nice ingredients, i was VERY strict. because it was ultimately my money being spent since he hadn't paid rent and always owed me back. i was always no brands, no unnecessary shit, buy loads of spices and cheap pasta noodles rice etc and make the cheap things elevated with spices and flavour and cooking methods. i didn't want to waste anything on more than 10p noodles bc i knew it wasn't in budget

and therefore HATED takeout because it was a ln expensive chore. tbh i still see it as an expensive chore

takeout is lazy and stressful. it costs loads for substandard food, it smells extreme. it drops crumbs or grease. you STILL have to wash up cos you use a bowl maybe or glasses or cutlery, so it doesn't save that effort. and then you have to perform fridge tetris to fit the containers in for leftovers.... like the thing men don't understand about takeout is it's the same thing as normal dinner for them, cos they just eat it. it's also the same thing as normal dinnef for me, bc i still prepare for it, lay it out, wash up and tidy after. all it does itls cost 500% more than a normal dinner. i then have the guilt of calorie overload, and my stomach hates grease (ive cut out all greasy things, dont use oil if i can avoid it, etc) so the next day im ALWAYS ILL. and my mood is low too, cos i eat veggies and healthy things normally, so i have energy, but takeout is often not healthy so i wake up with no energy. which. like. bad for depression yknow.

so yeh takeout stresses me out massively

HOWEVER

if my othrr half is getting it anyway, with their money, their time, i would appreciate a small thing? like i want less than £5, a kids burger, some nachos, a thing of chips (one thing, not all of those lmao). BC it's just so hard to smell takeout and not have it lol. like i cook for us always. if youre getting takeout, i dont want takeout, but if you're getting it then that's you providing, and so id like something small and token so i can participate without the burden. like you just spent £30 on pizza, sides, and delivery, can i have some £3.50 curly fries to nibble on the side of my healthier dinner.

i never want to initiate or agree to takeout cos it's WORK and it's throwing away money, but if you're decided on getting it can i have a snack at least.

which reads back really selfish haha

idk i just do 99% the cooking and chores, if im being overruled on takeout and have to tidy it away anyway and deal with the bad smell... i want a small payment of 3.50 chips. ig that reads better maybe

so yeh ig it comes down to, looping back tothe post i linked, the feelings. she's more comfy spending more money, he's not. he wants to spend less. but since she spent loads on takeout, she might as well get something small for him. but they dont split the food bill so 🤷 i jus know it would make me sad if the person i loved got takeout and didn't think of me, which happens and it's upsetting even if i dont want anything lmao, i like to be asked and thought of. like. "i got you some chips,if you dont have them I'll eat them, but they're therd anyway". 99p init. or 1.29. idk. cozzy lives. and i feel leftout always bc im always leftout so i react harder to being leftout and the IDEA of being leftout

[wandas-luvr]

we might just get away with it

pairing: wanda maximoff x reader

desc: wanda invites you over again, but this time pietro is out of town, leaving the two of you to yourselves in her apartment. (part I)

warnings: drug use (obv), fingering (r receiving), oral (r receiving), overstim/edging (r receiving), wanda being a cocky little shit, condescension (wanda lays it on THICK in this one), sorta strict!wanda in the beginning but also r's got a bit of an attitude bc they're HORNYYYY soooo

word count: 2.3k

-

you whine as wanda removes her fingers again. she'd been playing this game for hours, it was her favorite. to have you lay against her with your back to her chest as she encouraged you to smoke more. to take just one more hit. waiting until your mind was fuzzy to touch you, making you take another hit every time you move.

"shhh, no no, baby. gotta stay still. " she mocks you as you buck up against her, fake pouting and whining exaggeratedly. "oh, i know honey. it's so hard isn't it? yeah, that's okay! we'll let that pretty head of yours get nice and empty and it'll get so much easier, yeah? take another hit for me lovebug."

you obey, melting further into her when you exhale. "good job, baby! now, i'm gonna touch you again, so just let that pretty little body lay here nice and still for me, okay?"

"wanda, please, i need you." you spread your legs further for her, emphasizing your point.

"don't be a brat, мышка. have i ever left you all needy before?"

you grumble a small 'no' under your breath, not wanting to admit she was right.

"exactly. i would never do that to my good baby. but if you're gonna be a brat, you'll be treated like one. understood?"

you shudder at the sound of her raspy voice, her accent somehow thicker with lust. it seemed she never tried to hide it around you the way she did around her and pietro's other friends.

"yes, wanda. i'll be good i promise."

she smiles, pulling you farther into her. "see! that wasn't so hard, now was it, sweet thing?"

you bite back a snarky response, shutting your eyes as you sink into her, patiently awaiting her touch again.

"awhhh, look at you being so good for me. thank you so much, baby. here let me show you how much i appreciate that." you can hear the smirk in her voice from behind you as her fingers dance up your thighs. you exhale shakily and tilt your head back to rest on her shoulder, trying to ground yourself and concentrate on immobility. "that's it sweet thing, i'll make it all better, just let me do it."

her fingers finally reach your dripping cunt, causing a soft moan to escape your lips as you feel them swiftly move up to circle your clit softly. it's not nearly enough, it'll only cause you to ache for her more and she knows that. but you know better than to whine, so you wait patiently, allowing her to play you like a fiddle.

she smiles against you shoulder as her lips press the softest of kisses to your skin, her fingers maintaining the softest of speeds and an impossibly softer pressure. at this point she's barely touching you. she knows eventually you'll crack and either beg her for more or try to create friction on your own, falling right into her trap and allowing her condescending words to melt all over your body as you take another hit, turning you into putty in her hands.

she loves being able to work you up like this. to make you so desperate and fuzzy in her favorite ways. to leave you entirely pliable and at her disposal. she's talked with you and explored your boundaries enough to know what's too far, and she loves to know you trust her enough to allow her to make that decision. to make every decision.

you bit your lip hard, the ache between your legs growing almost painful as you grow more and more desperate. you contemplate asking for more for a split second before deciding it isn't worth it. you try your best to relax farther into her, attempting to ignore the way your clit is throbbing and your pussy is clenching around nothing.

"mmm, that's it sweet thing, just let me take care of you, yeah?"

she slightly increases the pressure of her fingers on your clit, whatever else she's saying falling on deaf ears as you can practically feel even more thoughts draining from your head.

she lifts the joint in her other hand up to your lips, offering it to you.

"just one more? for fun?"

you allow her to push it between your lips, inhaling only slightly before exhaling as everything but her is pushed from your mind at last.

"good! that's right baby, don't worry, i'm gonna take such good care of you."

your eyes flutter shut again, relaxing as she maintains the pace on your clit, never changing. it seems although, with the state your in, it's enough to work you up to the edge as you feel your abdomen tense slightly with the pressure of a building orgasm.

"see, you're close already. and you didn't think it would be enough. silly baby, i know how to play with my toy just right, huh?"

you nod, your mouth hanging open, as your limp body fights off an orgasm. you know better than to come without permission. you try to string a sentence together but there isn't a coherent thought in your brain.

"shhh, i know, my love. go ahead. i've got you."

you moan, relieved as you allow your orgasm to wash over you, feeling it come in waves after waves of pleasure. wanda moves her fingers once more as she allows you to come down slightly from your high.

"look at that. so, so good for me baby." she plants delicate kisses along your shoulders and neck. "you did so well, love. can i have another one though? you just looked so pretty like that, i wanna see it again, yeah?"

you pant as you catch your breath, nodding as your mouth remains open.

"mmm, good." she continues to absentmindedly praise you as she kisses the nape of your neck and slides her fingers into you. "god, baby, you practically sucked me in. you needed this, huh?"

you nod, your head thrown back and eyes screwed shut as your body can't decide whether to squirm away or to buck towards wanda's skilled fingers, still incredibly sensitive from your last orgasm.

" yeah that's it, baby. feels so good, doesn't it?"

you nod and whimper, clenching around her finger. you turn your head slightly to rest your cheek against her shoulder, legs twitching as you reach a second orgasm embarrassingly fast.

"oh, look at you, honey. go ahead, i want to see you come for me again."

you moan lewdly, the sound bordering on pornographic as you come around wanda's fingers, back arched impossibly high. eventually, you ride out the orgasm, collapsing back into wanda's chest as she chuckles.

she softly strokes your hair whispering sweet words to you as you catch your breath and your eyes flutter shut. after several minutes, you feel her slip out from behind you, assuming she's going to the bathroom, but let out a loud whine as you feel her settle between your legs.

"wan...'m too tired...can't take anymore..."

she kisses your thigh softly, then the other, finally planting the gentlest of kisses directly on your clit, smiling when she feels you twitch.

"shhh, i've gotta clean you up, sweet thing. you just lay there all pretty and relax."

you whimper and grip the sheets as her tongue pushes through your folds, determined to lick up every last drop from your cunt.

"wanda!" you scream as she brushes her nose against your clit "please...too sensitive...can't do it..."

she just hums against your pussy, diving deeper and smirking as she works you up again. she grins as she sees your thighs begin to shake as she holds them down, eating you like a woman starved. you grip the sheets harder, knuckles turning white as the sensations wanda is giving ride the thin line between pain and pleasure.

you whimper and whine continuously, instincts pushing you towards her as your sensitive nerves scream out from overstimulation. she grabs your hips, forcing you against her face, as she continues to lick every inch of your pussy she can reach.

"fuck, you taste so good, darling. makes me wanna never stop."

you whine at even the mere mention of her torture continuing on any longer as she chuckles against you, still never letting up.

your whole body convulses as you come on wanda's tongue, whining when she cleans you up. every pleasurable sensation near your pussy tipping into pain. eventually, wanda pulls away, giving you slight reprieve and kissing your neck softly as she waits for you to catch your breath.

"fuck, wanda, that was amazing." you breath out, still panting slightly.

"awwwhh, honey, it's cute you think i'm done with you already." she smirks against your skin, softly biting down. "i'm just getting started, my love."

you whine, "but-"

"shhh, you'll be alright, just trust me. i know you've got one more in you, c'mon. don't you wanna be good for me, baby? be my good, sweet, little thing?"

you whimper, nodding softly.

"yeah? i knew you'd agree, love. don't worry i'll give you a break, just tap me twice when you're ready, darling."

you try to relax as much as you can for the next few minutes, before taking a deep breath and tapping wanda's thigh twice, feeling the lips on your neck curve into a smile as they trail up towards your ear.

"you're sure you're ready? because once i start, i'm not stopping. not unless i absolutely have to."

you nod, taking a shaky breath, and spreading your legs for her. tipping your head back to rest against the pillows. she smirks softly, moving down to rest between your legs, pressing small kisses just below your navel. she dips lower, blowing a small stream of air directly onto your clit, giggling when your hips jump.

"oh, baby, you really are sensitive, huh?" she squeezes your thighs, blowing against you again, causing any verbal response to die out on your tongue and leave you with a simple whine. "yeah, i know, sweetheart. it's gonna be okay though, because i've got you, i'm right here. it's gonna feel so good i promise, just focus on me."

she grabs one of your hands and squeezes softly, giving you reassurance before diving in. she licks up your slit, dancing around your clit, as you whine. pressing a soft kiss to your clit, before sucking it into her mouth, smiling when you moan loudly.

she continues her ministrations sucking softly on your clit, her tongue darting out occasionally to trace around your entrance.

"so pretty, baby," she mumbles against you, "god, i could do this forever."

she begins to increase her pressure, causing your hips to twitch and your hand to fly to her hair. she pulls you off, shushing your whines, as she continues.

"no, baby. it's okay, just let me take care of you. squeeze my hand if you gotta alright, it's okay."

she grabs your hips with her free hand, pressing you further against her, lightly tracing her tongue just around your entrance. you buck your hips for more before pulling back with a whine as your oversensitive clit grinds against her nose with the motion.

wanda smiles, "see, honey, it's better when you just let me do it. let me take care of you, i've got you, just lay back and let me do all the work."

she continues to tease your entrance, even dipping her tongue inside occasionally, just to hear you whine louder as she pulls out. you grown in frustration feeling like you'll combust if she doesn't quit teasing you.

"wandaaa..."

"oh, is there something i can do for you, sweet thing?"

"inside, please.."

she giggles, "oh, but i thought that was too much. thought you couldn't take it?" she smiles, mocking your whines.

"i take it back, im yours, you know best. just please, wanda. i need you."

she smirks, before having mercy on you, slipping her tongue inside of you. you squeeze her hand as you feel her push into you, caressing your walls with her tongue. your hips buck and your legs shake as you feel the tip of her tongue brush against a certain spot inside of you.

she hums, doing it again, chuckling against you as your legs squeeze her head.

"wanda...please, don't stop... feels so fucking good.."

she lightly slaps the underside of your thigh and pressed her nose into your sensitive clit, a nonverbal reminder to watch your language, and smirks at the whine that tumbles from your lips.

you squeak softly when she grips your hips and doubles her efforts, moving her free hand to circle your clit gently as her tongue thrusts in and out of you. you feel your legs shake and your hips thrash as your orgasm creeps up on you, squeezing her hand to warn her. she presses her nose further into you, her silent permission, and you cum around her tongue, moaning loudly.

she cleans you up gently, smiling when you whine as she sucks your clit into her mouth briefly, before kissing up your body. she presses kisses against your neck, undoubtedly leaving a hickey somewhere in her path, before kissing your cheek and finally your lips.

she lays down beside you, pulling you into her as you continue to shake with aftershocks. shushing your whines and whimpers.

"you did so well, honey. it's okay, it's over. i'm so proud of you. my sweet baby."

you smile blissfully, your eyes closed, as she pulls you closer, squeezing softly. you melt into her, feeling her fingers gently stroking up and down your back to soothe you as your panting finally ends. the last thing you hear is a faint, but unmistakable voice, singing your favorite sokovian lullaby.