#because it’s literally just me being stupid

[pinkflower2003]

Summertime on the farm

Daniel Ricciardo x Clarkson!Reader

Summary: Y/N Clarkson & her father, Jeremy, celebrate the release of the new series of their Amazon series, Clarkson’s Farm. Going to the Grand Prix, Y/N meets an unexpected fan in Daniel Ricciardo, who had been on her father’s show previously.

a/n - this is my first time doing a social media one so bare with me whilst i get use to this! this came into my head whilst watching danny’s top gear interview! there is some spelling and word mistakes but this is not proofread!

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@Y/NClarkson Posted!

liked by amazonprime, jeremyclarkson1 & 225,568 others.

Y/NClarkson: that’s a wrap for Clarkson’s farm S3! Thank you for everyone who watches, comes to the shop and supports us bunch of idiots (as well as buying shitty beer that explodes🙄)

tagged: jeremyclarkson1, amazonprime, cooper_kaleb, thetallirish

8,507 comments

amazonprime: our favourite tractor driver 🙌🏼

→ cooper_kaleb: don’t make me laugh, half the season is her crashing the tractors.

→ Y/NClarkson: kaleb, don’t be jealous, just because my tractor is cooler than yours.

→ jeremyclarkson1: the lambo tractor is better than both of yours, don’t be stupid.

jeremyclarkson1: still don’t forgive you for crashing my lambo tractor.

→ Y/NClarkson: i literally crashed once, where is all this crashing information coming from???

→ cooper_kaleb: cctv

→ Y/NClarkson: oh shit, lol oops

→ username1: LMAO I LOVE HER

→ username59: her level of chaotic & sarcasm is what i aspire to be.

F1: looking forward to another season y/n, think you should come down to try and drive a car instead of a tractor😉

→ username43: UM?? girl what are you doing here??

→ y/nclarkson: get the redbull contract ready, i’ll be there

→ jeremyclarkson1: um hello? my invite? i literally host a car show.

→ y/nclarkson: you couldn’t fit in one of the cars mate, not drinking all that exploding beer.

→ jeremyclarkson1: fuck off

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@Y/NClarkson posted on her story!

liked by: F1, redbullracing, Jeremyclarkson1, danielricciardo and 298,412 others

Y/NClarkson: what a day! catching up with old friends and sipping champagne. Move over farm life, think being a F1 driver is the life for me😎

Cooper_Kaleb: thank god, i’ve been trying to get you fired for years.

→ y/nclarkson: wtf, you can’t fire me. you’d be lost without me?? you can’t anyway, only dad can🤪

→ jeremyclarkson1: you’re fired.

→ y/nclarkson: what the fuck, stop ganging up on me.

→ username67: i love their dynamic so much🥲

Username134: UM?? Y/N AND DANIEL?? ON THE FIRST SLIDE?? i smell something brewing.

Username46: wait they actually make a cute couple

Username89: she looks amazing!

DanielRicciardo: was good to see you again Y/N! So excited to see the new series - will have to come to the farm shop next time i’m in England.

→ y/nclarkson: please do! let me know when and i’ll show you around!😊

→ landonorris: where is my invite?? do i mean nothing to you??

→ y/nclarkson: not really, no.

→ landonorris: ma heart, ma feelings 💔

→ georgerussell63: wait i wanna come too.

→ Oscarpistari: me three

→ y/nclarkson: F1 day out?

→ danielricciardo: what?? no?? that’s not what i meant, i meant ME going to the farm, no one else.

→ georgerussell: boo, you whore.

Username657: LOL WHAT IS HAPPENING?? THE F1 BOYS ARE OFF TO DIDDLY SQUAT?? CAN THIS BE IN AN EPISODE?

Username98: daniel wants to go there alone…alone for a date?

jeremyclarkson1: it’s my farm, not y/n’s?

→ y/nclarkson: you’re like on the brink of death, it’ll be mine soon lol

→ jeremyclarkson1: i’m literally 64?

→ y/nclarkson: exactly

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@Danielricciardo posted!

Liked by: Y/NClarkson, LandoNorris, Cooper_Kaleb and 897,357 others

Danielricciardo: summertime in the country🤍

Username80: UM IS THAT Y/N CLARKSON?? AS IN QUEEN OF CHIPPING NORTON?

Landonorris: i think my invitation got lost in the post

→ danielricciardo: it did not.

Username6: ARE WE GONNA GET A DANIEL CAMEO ON CLARKSON FARM?

y/nclarkson: chipping norton’s newest tractor driver🚜 Kaleb is getting replaced asap

→ cooper_kaleb: you’re literally fired

→ y/nclarkson: i will run you over with a tractor

MaxVerstappen1: you never told me you were spending summer with a girl?? does our friendship mean anything??

→ danielricciardo: if i told you, you’d of told the others and then it would have been like a school trip out.

→ georgerussell63: hey! no it wouldn’t, we just wanna meet y/n since you won’t stop going on about her.

comment liked by @y/nclarkson

→ username1: EXPOSED

y/nclarkson: you’re the cutest<3

comment liked by @danielricciardo

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@Y/NClarkson posted!

Liked by Danielricciardo, amazonprime, Landonorris and 560,895 others.

y/nclarkson: summertime lovin

tagged: danielricciardo

danielricciardo: 💛

jeremyclarkson1: get back to work

→ y/nclarkson: i literally was up at the crack of dawn feeding, i could hear you snoring from outside

→ jeremyclarkson1: that was lisa not be

→ thetallirish: you lying fuck

Oscarpiastri: does this mean you’ll be back at races now?? i miss you

→ landonorris: me too

→ georgerussell63: me three

→ alexalbon: me four

→ maxverstappen1: me five

→ y/nclarkson: i literally haven’t met half of you drivers

→ danielricciardo: welcome to the shit show

[radioisntdead]

alastor x sleepy Reader? Thank u ^_^

Good evening my dear! No idea what you wanted so I'm going with headcanons!

Sleepy reader headcanons

Warnings: none other then The reader has wings because in my sleep deprived brain think being wrapped with wings is just so cozy and warm, also bat coded, I am writing this while sleep deprived because I got motivation for some reason, this is short also this is bordering on chaotic.

Both you and Alastor have horrible sleeping habits, but whereas he stays up for multiple days in a row then crashes horribly you take power naps, like five minute "naps" throughout the day in random places

like in my other sleepy reader headcanons [I think??] Reader takes cat naps in weird spaces, I imagine you sleep upside down like a bat, [unrelated but hear me out on a bat reader, like is that NOT ADORABLE]

Lil' adorable creature of the night. This is just me spreading bat propaganda, bat-ganda I swear if bat-ganda is an actual word that doesn't mean something with literal bats I'm biting someone chomp chomp bith

Anyways, Alastor often finds you sleeping hanging upside down on the chandelier, door frames, anything that dangles,

I imagine you've probably slipped a few times and he's had to catch you because high place and it'd be such a shame for his favorite you, to get injured!

I imagine you have a tendency to fall asleep on him.

Dude has definitely moved out of the way as you toppled over asleep causing you to fall on the floor.

He finds it hilarious.

Sometimes he'll let you snooze on his shoulder or lap especially during broadcasts.

I imagine when Alastor inevitably crashes from sleep exhaustion you take the chance to get proper sleep,

You have a built-in blanket, it's the wings.

Either you wrap both you and Alastor in your wings like a joint cocoon, or he just straight up has one of your wings over him like a blanket as y'all nap.

I can't draw Alastor, stupid haircut deer man

I imagine since Alastor hates being touched by the majority of people, you're in the very short list of people that are allowed to touch him, that bring said I hope you wake up before him in the wing cocoon because if not broski is just trapped there, as snug as a bug in a rug, or as snug as a deer in a wing cocoon.

I imagine the wing cocoon is warm but not melty warm like hot chocolate warm.

Very nice place to nap, wings comfy.

Good evening folks! Hope you enjoyed, someone KNOCK ME OUT WITH A BAGUETTE PLEASE, as per usual thank you for tuning on in!

[fuck-customers]

Does anyone else have the type of job that involves explaining how to use a product in detail? Customers will act like you’re the most annoying piece of shit on Earth just because you held them back for 4 fucking minutes to give them all the information they should know.

My store sells holistic dog food, it attracts a lot of rich stupid people. I was trying to help this one old lady out so I open up our feeding calculator; it takes less than 3 minutes to fill out because it just asks about your dogs weight, activity & if they are spayed.

I began by asking for her for her dog’s weight and instead of communicating like a normal person she decided to go “uhhh. I’m just taking one for today” I thought she was confused or something so I go “Yes, we recommend taking one at first just to see your dog will actually eat it first, and this will tell us how much he needs to eat”

She clearly didn’t even listen to me because she puts on this sarcastic & degrading little voice then she says this: “Okay well I’m just going to take ONE Soooo, can you just ring me up for it? Ya’know… so that I can LEAVE??” and she’s saying this is with a tone like she thought I was a stupid little toddler or something.

So I hold up the sheet that I was going to fill out for her- which currently only has her dog’s name filled out. “Okay sooo… do you want to know how much of our food he needs to eat everyday?” And she instantly became super red & embarrassed. She ended up giving me her dog’s info & I continued helping her the way we always do with new customers. She was definitely trying to overcompensate by being super sweet but she was still flustered from the whole awkwardness she created.

People need to slow their roll before they choose to perceive people as an annoyance. I’m literally trying to do my job, this isn’t for me it’s literally for YOU and YOUR DOG.

Posted by admin Rodney

[torrancefavgirl]

Percy taking care of you when you're on your period

Literally writing this as I'm dying from cramps so I have to indulge

My god the sweetest motherfucker ever

He's literally top tier at thus

If u think his mom didn't explain all of this shit to him since he was old enough??? YOURE WRONG

Okay he may have panicked a bit when it first happened but he's all good now

If you bleed on his bed, don't you dare be embarrassed cause he'll look at you like you grew 2 extra heads

Emotional outbursts/hormones being a bitch, he will take care of you & always understand

This man will never make you feel like you're overreacting or overly emotional ever

He knows how much that shit effects your body

If there's anything he doesn't know he'll immediately ask his mom or go online even subreddits

You cannot tell me he didn't make you atleast one a little period care kit/basket wtv

Will drop everything including waking up at 3am of you have a craving

Also waking up whenever you need him because of your cramps

His fav way to sooth your cramps is to rub your lower belly

He has a whole ass drawer on his bed side table that has any essentials you could need

Will memorize the type of pads/tampons that you use (he called you panicking in the supermarket cause of how many kinds were there)

Like I said Belly rubs, belly rubs, belly rubs.

NSFW WARNING

When he was reading shit on the internet trying to find stuff to make you feel better, he found out about orgasms helping with the pain

Let's just say he'll never ever object to that

There's this stupid quote about a real soldier is not afraid to get his sword bloody & honestly he kinda lives by it

So, that means period sex & no don't ever say you're embarrassed or grossed out

Don't wonder if he's grossed out cause how could you think of such stuff

Will obviously ask you if you're comfortable with that

He'll be so so gentle, literally the most gentle he's ever been

He doesn't think you're glass but he knows how extra sensitive your body is

Speaking of sensitivity, he'll use that to his advantage & make you literally exhausted to the point where you don't even have the energy to pay attention to the pain if it's still there

In conclusion: he's literally perfect (duh)

[themultifanshipper]

Charles was shocked into silence. How could he not have noticed? He had known you for years and yet, he had never been so turned on in his life, just from hearing you speak.

Warnings: gn!reader, french!reader, cum play? GRATUITOUS amounts of french! Like half the dialogue is in french (with translation). This is entirely self-indulgent! Charles is really stupid in this I’m sorry but it’s for the plot, also he started out dominant then I decided halfway through he should be submissive, then switched back again. Barely proofread, it is 4:30am as I am writing this, sue me. There is disgusting stuff involving cum, and I’m kinda considering this crack because I can’t take french seriously.

Bon appétit, this is a wild ride my friends.

You had been working in formula 1 for most of your adult life, going from media teams to personal assistant, to lots of other jobs that finally led you to your dream job: race engineer.

Well, your dream job was really being a team boss, but baby steps, yeah?

Anyway, you had been promoted to race engineer to the one and only Charles Leclerc following the whole Xavi thing. But before that he’d known you as his assistant for a bit when his own assistant was on maternity leave, and before that you had been the media trainer for a few teams, including Sauber when he was there. He’d literally known you since his debut, and the two of you had grown very close over the years, and saw each other every week. So the fact that he could have missed something like this was embarrassing.

You were at the end of a race, going on about the tyres overheating to Charles over the radio when the car in front of him locked up and slid, forcing him to swerve and hit the wall with a sickening crunch.

You gasped as you saw the car make contact. “Oh Putain, ça va Charles ?” (Oh fuck, you ok Charles?) You spoke into your headset but there was no answer, and Charles didn’t seem to be moving so you tried again “Charles, tu m’entends? Est-ce que ça va?!” (Charles can you hear me? Are you ok?)

He finally replied in a shaky voice, and you were finally able to breathe and call the staff that would go get Charles and his car off the track.

Unbeknownst to you, Charles was having a mental crisis. You spoke French?

Since fucking when?

His ears were ringing as he tried to think back your years friendship for any signs. He came up empty. He was positive he’d never heard you speak French before. And he was positive he should be hard, climbing out of his car after a crash.

When he got back to the garage, you were waiting for him, ready to ask him how he was but before you could say anything he grabbed your arm and dragged you into the nearest room slash maintenance cupboard he could find.

“What the hell are you doing Charles?”

He locked the door and when he turned back around his eyes were dark and stormy “Since when do you speak french?” he asked.

You just blinked at him.

“What?”

He backed you up against the wall, hands either side of your waist.

“Since when” he spoke patronizingly slowly “Do. You. Speak. French.”

Your eyebrows furrowed in utter confusion.

“Charles, I am French. I have a French name. I was born and raised in France! What the fuck do you mean ‘since when do I speak french’???!”

His eyes widened as he realized how oblivious he’d been.

“My dad is friends with Pierre’s parents! I started my career at Renault! I brought you wine from my family’s vineyard! Charles how-  how could you not have known?” You laughed at him as he just stood there flabbergasted at his own stupidity.

“Sérieusement? Comment?” (seriously, how?)

His brain seemed to reboot and he put his arms around you “Je suis désolé, je suis vraiment débile” (I’m sorry, I’m so stupid) he giggled into your hair.

The proximity was odd but not unwelcome, as you put your arms around him and laughed with him, inhaling his pleasant scent.

“Tu as mis du parfum? Tu sens bon. ” (Have you got cologne on? You smell good)

He groaned. “Keep talking, please” and he squeezed you tighter against him.

You laughed. “Tu sais bien que je parle toujours en français avec Pierre et Este ?” (You know I always speak french with Pierre and Este, right?)

He whimpered into your neck and that’s when you felt it.

You froze in his arms “Charles are you getting hard?”

He put his forehead against yours and looked into your eyes, both of you going cross-eyed. “I’m sorry you just sound so sexy in french” he sniffled.

This was definitely something you could get behind.

“Ouais? Tu veux que je te parle en français pendant les courses alors? (Yeah, you want me to speak to you in french during the races?)

He chewed on his lip and nodded as your hand made its way to the front of his suit to cup him over the fabric.

“T’es sûr? On voudrait pas que tu salisse la voiture, tu devras expliquer aux ingénieurs pourquoi le siège est trempé” (you sure ? We wouldn’t want you to make a mess, you’d have to explain to the engineers why the seat is wet)

He whined and his knees almost buckled, so you turned him around against the wall and unzipped his suit, dragging it down to pool around his ankles, then making quick work of the second layer, leaving him in his very damp underwear. You pulled that down as well as you got a hand around his cock and started a slow pace, teasing the tip with your thumb every now and then. He bucked his hips and whined at the dry friction.

“What’s the matter? Un peu sec?” (a bit dry?) You said teasingly.

“Laisse moi t’aider avec ça” (let me help you with that)

You got down on your knees and his eyelids fluttered as you got your lips around his tip. When you took half of him in your mouth and reached a hand up to cup his balls at the same time, he moaned and thumped his head back onto the wall.

You pulled off “Garde les yeux sur moi, Charles” (keep your eyes on me, Charles)

He did so , with much difficulty, but his eyes snapped to yours and you continued, taking him all the way to the base and massaging his balls gently. His hips bucked up a bit making you gag slightly.

“désolé, je vais pas durer longtemps” (sorry, I’m not gonna last long)

So you picked up the pace and doubled down on your efforts, as his hands flew to your hair.

It took about a minute and a half for him to come, groaning your name while he filled your mouth. He felt like his soul had been sucked out through his dick. You didn’t swallow it all though, wanting to share the load, as it were.

You got up and pulled him in for a kiss, which he gladly accepted, and it was the most disgusting, satisfying kiss you’d ever had, all teeth and spit and cum, some of it dribbling down your necks and chests.

You stayed like that for a while, basking in each other’s embrace (and each other’s mouths) before you suddenly remembered where you were.

“Charles! Don’t you have a press conference to go to?!”

“Je m’en fous, je reste là” (I don’t care, I’m staying here)

He lifted you up and carried you to the other side of the room where there was a conveniently empty shelf, where he set you down before tugging your pants down and spreading your legs to slot himself between them. He was already half hard again as he pumped himself with one hand and used the other to swipe up the cum on his and your chests, then brought his fingers to your entrance, rubbing gently before sliding a finger inside you. It didn’t take much for him to prep you and he used the excess leftover cum to lube himself up and slide into you. You keened as he pressed up into your most sensitive spots. But he just stayed there, grinding slowly into you, driving you mad.

“Please, Charles!” You begged, pronouncing his name the English way.

He cocked his head and grinned at you, and you sighed in desperation.

“S’il te plait… Charles”

His jaw went slack as he used all the energy he had left to pound into you, right in that special spot that made you see stars, over and over until you were a whining mess underneath him.

You came with a shout, back arching off the shelf and he held on to you as he followed soon after.

Charles Leclerc got a fine for not showing up at the post-race conference, or the debrief, or any of his mandatory duties. Fortunately, he had enough money to pay the fine, and take you to dinner that very same night.

If you're still here, you should get a medal. I'm sorry.

[ghostofhyuck]

NCT Dream as NIKI songs.

AN: I'm a huge Niki fan, so...I need to do this. 

Mark Lee ; La La Lost You

If I'm honest, I'd call, but I'm trying to let go And I hope you're happy, livin' life in taxis But you'll always have me, you'll always have me

La La Lost You has a lot of US references, that's why it reminded me of Mark so much! AND I know that this is breakup song but you know what? This one of the reason why it suit Mark so much! Because imagine being with someone at an unfamiliar place, trying to find home in the form of him and then you guys broke up! And every places just reminds him of you, and you couldn't help but wonder if he's also coping from the break up or has he moved on already. 

Huang Renjun ; Every Summertime

Baby, I'd give up anything to travel inside your mind Baby, I fall in love again come every summertime

No doubt that Renjun is the definition of summer, that's why Every Summertime suits him so much!! It's cute and a bubblegum pop. Reminds you of a high school love and the summer you spent with him. Everything is just so wholesome with Renjun, even though you two have grown together, you will always reminisce about the summers with him. Oh my god this is so cute and wholesome because imagine just watching the summer sun set with Renjun the love of you life. :< 

Lee Jeno ; Urs

You come see me, only when I ask first When you kiss me, do you wish it were her? The best at bein' the worst

I don't why but this is so Jeno-coded. It's the push back in the lyrics and not knowing where to stand! Imagine the angst and the pain, you don't know what your status is, and you're just standing there wondering when he will acknowledge you! When will he give you assurance about you two, and yet, you crave for him, and you want him! You are willing to throw away yourself for Jeno. (I would too.)

Lee Haechan ; Autumn

And I love you but with you It's heartache I breathe You gave it your all, just with everything you took from me

It was hard to find a song that suit Haechan the most but I kinda lean on Autumn for the reason that it's such an upbeat yet heartbreaking song. Imagine being with Haechan, literally throwing everything for him, and yet you found yourself still alone in the relationship. And it's a sequence of misunderstanding and a lot of hurt! no comfort, just hurt! You love Haechan so so much that you became empty with and without him. 

Na Jaemin ; Backburner

Hey, are you still there? Good

Let's be real, Jaemin is the type of person who'll make someone a backburner. You're just one unlucky girl who's willing to be his. You have that push and pull affection towards Jaemin. At first, you hated him for leading you onto nothing but when he shows you the affection that you've been craving for, you'll throw everything away just to be with him. And it sounds so stupid but it's Jaemin! And you couldn't blame him for what he did, because you're still hoping that maybe someday, you won't be his backburner anymore. 

Zhong Chenle ; Strange Land

With you, love was simple My spiritual crystal But now life is limbo I'll wait for tomorrow

It's the mixture of "right person, wrong timing" and "wrong person, right timing" type of relationship. Chenle just suits this song so much, like a summer love affair that happened in the strangest town. Something sparked between the two of you and the whole summer just felt so right only for you, while for Chenle, he thinks that it's just a summer thing. It probably something that he'll get over immediately but hopes that someday you two cross paths again. 

Park Jisung ; Take A Chance With Me

In the end, we only regret the chances we didn't take I'll be your safety net, so why not raise the stakes?

LISTEN!!! This is so shy guy who has a crush on you type of song!! This is so Jisung-coded!! It's like you two has a crush on each other, (he doesn't know) and you're just dropping hints for him to confess but he's just!! too! shy! to! do! so!! it's a frustrating because you're just there waiting for him to confess!! I can imagine this the type of song you'll sing in public while Jisung is right there, trying to decipher your hint. It's such a cute and lively song so it suits Jisung too :< Jisung, just one chance pls JOKE. 

[ironunderstands]

Explaining why I think the notion that “Jade did nothing wrong and if you hate her then you are a misogynist” is incorrect 

Disclaimer: I don’t actually hate Jade, I find her compelling because she seems like the first true villain we might get in the game, and her kit looks really fun, so for that I can respect her. However, to say that she did nothing wrong, or that the people who dislike her are somehow in the wrong or are misogynists is very stupid, which is why I would like to clear up this misconception.

Let’s start with the “she did nothing wrong part” because that’s straight up not true. 

‼️This post will contain leaks of Jade’s eidolons and lc, it will also contain mentions of slavery and sexual violence so be careful‼️ 

I think the scene Jade fans go to point to when trying to argue that she does nothing wrong is the one that depicts her conversation with Aventurine. They state that she “saved him” and that the notions of her being a slave owner/having ties to slavery is incorrect.

However, at the very least the first part of this assumption is wrong, as in no way shape or form did she “save” Aventurine. 

1.Aventurine saved himself. 

He is the one who set up the scheme to get the IPC’s attention, he is the one who killed his master, and he is the one who fought for his freedom. Attributing his hard work to Jade’s “benevolence” erases that, and it pretends as if she’s the one who did all the work, when in reality Aventurine wouldn’t have even had a chance if he didn’t bet on himself.

2.What she offers Aventurine isn’t much better than what his life was before. 

In a sense, Jade just gave Aventurine golden chains, and if she was really interested in saving him, there wouldn’t be a trial, and she would just let him go. “But the scam” the IPC has an uncountable amount of money, they literally control the currency in the galaxy, and are working on taking over the whole universe, a scam ran by one person on one planet will not damage them for long. What Aventurine did really only matters because the IPC made it matter, and even if Jade doesn’t have complete control over all the goings on on the IPC, if she could make it so Aventurine could join them, there’s really no reason she couldn’t just let him free without any strings attached (which is what a normal person would do in this situation, because, well, empathy).

She knows how bad his situation was, as she remarked on how he killed his master, and the average person would struggle to find fault in his behavior at all, let alone have there even be a debate of whether she should let him live or not. 

Like, imagine yourself as Jade for a second, and you are sent to judge this kid (we don’t actually know how old Aven was in that scene, but I’d wager he was a late teenager/young adult) who just escaped slavery but also scammed the organization you are a part of, the organization that is what caused him to be enslaved in the first place (I’ll get into it*). At the very least, if you are like me, you would have a very hard time getting mad at this kid because well who wouldn’t do what he did in his circumstances. That’s why Jade still focusing on her self interests disgusts me and likely disgusts a lot of people who saw this scene, it’s not some equal transaction of sorts, she quite literally has his life on her hands and is toying with it to suit her own ends. 

Now, this situation is complicated, as Aventurine does actually want to join the IPC, but only because he believed that would be the best way he could try and save any remains of his people, the Avgin. We know this for two reasons a) the IPC took everything from him, and he has absolutely no reason why he would want to work for them if they can’t offer him anything b) the first thing Aventurine asks Jade when he becomes a Stoneheart is what happened to the rest of the Avgin, meaning that was likely his goal from the start, as even before becoming enslaved Aventurine had a ton of expectations of being the one to save the Avgin. 

However, from Jade’s perspective, likely

she doesn’t know any of this (unless she can read minds who knows), all she does know is that she holds a position of power over a very brave and intelligent person who owes a debt to the IPC for their crimes against it, and will die if she doesn’t save them. Therefore, she takes advantage of Aventurine’s inferior position, offering him a job not out of the kindness of her heart, but because she see’s his moneymaking potential and knows he can’t decline her offer, since his options are IPC or death. 

This is textbook exploitation, and it honestly disgusts me when people try and paint their relationship to be a mother/son one, when she so clearly views him as nothing more than a tool to achieve her own ends. As someone else puts it, Jade cares for Aventurine like one might care for a gun/weapon, ie she finds it useful and would like it to not get destroyed, but ultimately it’s just a tool that can be replaced. 

Aventurine’s banner name is called “Gilded Imprisonment” for a reason, and Jade offers him nothing more than shiny new chains. 

*sidenote: the IPC aren’t just the ones who broke their promise to help the Avgin, they are also likely the ones who enslaved Aventurine. This is because as Kakavasha, he referred to them as “the men in black/the men in black suits”, aka the IPC. Which is why when first enslaver says he bought him from “the men in black”, he’s also likely referring to the IPC, considering that the exact same phrase in used, in fact, he’s probably mocking the way Aventurine referred to them due to how specific it is. So yeah, I don’t know why people pretend Aventurine is over what the IPC did to him, or even like they saved him, bro probably wants to kill all of them and I fully support him in this endeavor.*

Speaking of treating him like a tool 

3. Dehumanizing Aventurine 

Her first words to him in this scene are pointing out his biggest insecurity.

“What pretty eyes. Tell me, do they shine in the dark?”

Out of context this might not be bad, but oh my god is it horrific in context. The Avgin’s eyes aren’t just a defining feature of theirs, but something they have been sexualized and abused for. Sparkle in her conversation with Aventurine implies that Sigonian’s use their attractive features (including their distinctive eyes) to get people to let down there guard and trick people, and in the same breath she also implies he did that to convince Sunday as well. Aventurine also hides his eyes with his tinted glasses because people automatically judge/discriminate against him for it, so Jade continuing that pattern is gross in my opinion.

Let’s also not forget that Aventurine is Romani coded, and a large proportion of both enslaved Roma in the past and free Roma have experienced sexual violence, as well as being treated as exotic and having other fetishized stereotypes attached to them. Calling his eyes pretty isn’t just some compliment, it’s also an extension of that, especially considering that it’s heavily implied that Aventurine did experience sexual violence when he was enslaved. 

This is what makes Jade IMMEDIATELY going to talking about his eyes creepy as hell to me, and something I dislike her for. 

However, I don’t think she meant it in a sexual manner, rather I think she was trying to get a reaction out of him, as well as demonstrate her position of power over him, which is just, ugh. Like I’m sorry to say this, but if Aventurine was a woman and Jade was a man, Jade would never be beating the p3do allegations for this comment. What do you mean the first words you say to someone involve taunting them for a feature they get sexualized and mistreated over, someone that is likely a minor or a very young adult,  someone that you hold a very clear position of power over. At the very nicest this is insensitive as hell for her to do, but considering she did not at all apologize to his very obviously negative reaction makes me think it was deliberate targeting. 

Also, the next part of that opening.

Yes, Jade is somewhat impressed by Aventurine, but objectively, this phrase doesn’t really come off that way, especially considering her tone in the scene. Seriously, rewatch it, it’s less of her being impressed, and more of her being surprised at him breaking the status quo, one which she doesn’t seem to view negatively. Also, keep in mind that in the CN (aka canon) version, the word is “slave” instead of servant, however I don’t know how the lines are delivered in CN, so she might sound kinder.

Regardless, having this neutral, almost detached perspective on slavery is very uncomfortable, at least to me. Because well, slavery is really bad (shocker), and you can’t really be neutral about these kinds of things. Commenting about how resisting his master would put Aventurine in danger in a clinical and detached manner gives the impression that Jade does not care about the existence of slavery in the slightest, and is perfectly happy with knowing it’s going on and doing nothing about it. Something which gets 10x worse considering the organization she works for is the one doing the slavery, which makes me wonder if she’s seen it before and been like “eh, it’s part of life” 😭

I’m aware dismantling an entire institution is difficult, but her sheer apathy rather than inaction is what I feel is wrong in this scene, as again, a normal person wouldn’t talk about slavery like this. They would probably phrase it like, “resisting your enslaver would put your life in danger, yet you did it anyways”, with none of that neutral tone in there, which kind to implies that Aventurine resisting the person who abuses him is in any way wrong or unusual for a person to do. Honestly I can understand a little bit why people don’t have problems with this line, as understand why people see it as just her doing her job as a judge. However, there’s something so disturbingly off with it that makes me really not like Jade for it, and hopefully I conveyed that well enough, if you have a better way of phrasing it please tell me.

Annnd this is why I say she doesn’t view him as a person. Jade literally tells Aventurine that his name, the remainder of his identity, the one part of his culture and his family and his life, quite literally the only thing he has left is destined to be buried and abandoned. She knows how much it means to him, and she wants him to cast it aside and pick a new identity, as the only thing Jade cares about is what value Aventurine can bring for the IPC. 

Also, she does refer to him as “child” there, so yeah, he likely is a minor or at the very least they have a very significant age gap! Yay! Taking advantage of people significantly younger than you! And if he is somehow close to her age, then well, she views him like a child in comparison to her, which is dehumanizing. There’s really no winning with this one huh 😭

She also refers to him in the same way his old enslaver did! 

Hound and dog are synonyms, so yeah, ew. Narratively, this is meant to be a parallel from Aventurine’s time enslaved to his time now, which demonstrates how nothing really changed, as Jade refers to him in the same way his old master/enslaver did.

4. However, that’s not all to be concerned about for Jade, at least in terms of morality, so let’s look at her eidolons.

Each one of her eidolons questions a good quality, let’s take E3 for an example.

“Honesty?” She questions why people, more specifically she would be sincere, and answers it with “Soon Mortgaged”. 

Now in this context, her honesty is likely seen as being convienent in order to get a deal off, if meant as a noun. As a verb it’s used in a similar manner, with Jade only behaving honestly because it’s part of her duty as a debt collector/contract maker.

Either way, this pattern for her eidolons, of her questioning a good quality then providing a selfish reason for why she exhibits it sets up a vicious implication. It makes it seem like any an all seemingly kind, benevolent behavior from Jade is really just a means to further her goals, making her seem untrustworthy and selfish, like well, a snake, which is a motif prevalent throughout her design. 

Her lightcone description also doesn’t make her seem much better.

Oh how lovely, giving a future to innocent children, I sure do hope this description doesn’t end badly!

“A philanthropist with a hidden agenda, a villain who mortgages souls… She was given various identities by the world, but only she understood the morality behind these actions.”

Jade what are you planning… 

This tells us two things:

1) She engages in philanthropist behavior for reasons we don’t know of yet which is concerning because philanthropy is centered around helping people, why do you have ulterior motives for helping people. What are you planning with those children, Jade?

2)”A villain who mortgages souls” oh! Sure, these two identities were apparently given to her by the world, but like, mortgaging souls??? I’ll get into her biblical (specifically satanic) references next, but like, you need one hell of a good reason to justify buying and selling PEOPLES SOULS. Whatever hidden agenda Jade might have must be like unfathomably good to justify this, because well, this means she owns (or at least helps other people own) people. PEOPLE. 

Jade fucking OWNS HUMAN BEINGS. Unless those people are like a dictator reincarnated or something there’s no good reason to justify owning the essence of someone’s being. It’s straight up evil and I’m glad the game calls her a villain for it. 

5. Satan is that you???

The snake, her contract thing as her skill and in her splash art, her job being “Jade of Credit”, her relationship to withered fruit, and the apple in her splash art, the man at her feet in her splash art, her MORTGAGING SOULS. Look, I’m not a Christian, but like, these are all pretty blatant references to satan who’s, idk, the embodiment of evil. Sure, you could say she’s more like Eve, but she’s not being tricked by the snake, no, in fact, the snake works for her.

Now I don’t literally think Jade is meant to be the devil or something, but she sure as hell seems like she’s meant to be narratively like an agent of Satan/ a demon, which is fascinating. Interestingly, this also paints her interaction with Aventurine as a deal with the devil, which just makes it seem even worse than it already is. 

Well, for now that’s all of Jade’s questionable behavior, and I feel confident enough in saying that at the very least she’s meant to be read as morally grey, so acting like she does no wrong is strange. However, it’s not a crime to like villains at all, and I feel like if Jade’s hardcore defenders just accepted that part of her character, everyone would be way happier, because people do have legitimate reasons to dislike her for the shit she has done, especially rroma people for how she treated Aventurine. 

Not everyone has to like your favorite character, and downplaying and lying about her lore and character because you can’t handle that is annoying as hell and does the character you are defending in the first place a disservice. Jade being a bad person is what makes her interesting, and honestly the idea that women can’t be bad people is misogynistic as well, which is a nice way to transition to the other part of this post:

For the love of god people don’t dislike Jade because of misogyny. Please shut up and stop throwing words around that you clearly don’t understand, as you only end up diminishing actual misogyny. 

I’ve already gone over the valid reasons why people dislike her, so let’s go over all the other stupid shit people bring up in trying to pretend like Jade hate is misogyny.

“But Boothill didn’t get complaints when he was randomly drip marketed, people complaining are only misogynistic Sunday fans!”

Jesus Christ.

Boothill has been leaked for several fucking months prior to his drip marketing, and people had been waiting diligently for when he would finally show up for a while, so obviously they were happy when he did.

He’s like, the most fanservice-y character (in a good way) ever. Boothill is a fucking long-haired cyborg space cowboy outlaw who physically cannot curse and has the cuntiest animations known to mankind, that’s like the most appealing combination of traits known to man. So appealing in fact, that people outside the fandom were making posts about him. Big shocker that the character designed to make everyone love him has everyone love him, act surprised 

Jade’s only scene so far had been her one with Aventurine in 2.1, which as I mentioned prior, has problems. This also doesn’t help that she’s just as slimy in his character stories and their interaction in 2.2, which compared to again, the character designed to be as appealing as possible, isn’t a good look. 

For the love of god Sunday fans have the right to complain. They have also been waiting MONTHS for him, so they would have been disappointed at any character that isn’t Sunday getting marketed, as that means they have to wait even more months for him. He’s highly anticipated, in comparison to Jade, whose had crumbs so far, so of course some people got upset (I didn’t see anything more than disappointment tbh)

People did complain about Boothill’s marketing! Like I know everyone clowned on them, but there were Firefly stans genuinely upset that he got marketed over her, and someone even started a “boycott Boothill’s banner” campaign 😭. It’s just the other reasons compounded why more people complained about Jade than they did about him.

I’m sure there’s some people out there who hate her because they hate women, but like, everyone? Really?

Genuinely, it is so tiring to see misogyny get thrown around like it doesn’t mean anything, and people complaining about misogyny where it doesn’t exist, and ignoring it where it does. Like I’m sorry SOME Jade stans, but yall cannot call this misogyny, then proceed to compare Jade to other female characters like Firefly, and call them flops and trash in comparison to her. THATS unnecessary hating on women for no reason, so don’t be a fucking hypocrite.

Also if a goddamn fictional character is the hill you die on for women’s rights issues, when there’s actual women being genocided right now, please reevaluate your priorities and support the women who actually need your help and assistance right now. Dogging on random Sunday fan #365 for being “misogynistic” because they said they wished he was marketed instead of Jade when there are women being murdered as we speak is dumb as hell. Like yes, these two problems can coexist, but for the love of god pixels are not as important as actual people, and if you really cared about women this would not be the one issue of misogyny you seem to talk about. 

Well, this post was kinda a mess, but I hope you enjoyed it anyways! I’d love to hear your thoughts on the matter, and personally I’m very interested to see where they go with Jade in 2.3. Please keep making her evil and don’t try to hit us with the sad backstory Hoyo, I’m fine if it’s meant to complicate her, but please don’t try and redeem her. Hopefully they go with the Dottore route, but considering they are planning on selling her, they might throw everything interesting down the drain for her which is sad. Let women be evil! And I hope you have a good day :) 

[slackerlifewhere]

What Kim Rok Soo probably thinks about Cale Henituse

Okay, so I mentioned that I'm rereading the first part now so I can finally read the second part of the novel.

While reading, I noticed how calm and normal Kim Rok Soo is about Cale. Like yeah, he finds him amusing and interesting, but coming from a man who has read five volumes and notices (and remembers) every little detail about it, it makes me wonder what he truly thinks about Cale Henituse.

[✋Possible SPOILERS for the first part of TCF ✋]

As I reread the story in the first few chapters, despite how little Cale Henituse's importance is in The Birth of a Hero or how few his appearances are since it focuses on Choi Han's adventure, Kim Rok Soo somehow describes moments that make Cale look like trash but it's like he understands why the noble was like that before they switched bodies (except for the Harris village since he didn't know about that until OG Cale mentions it).

Like think about it. We all know KRS grew up with his abusive uncle. He knows how bad it is to live with an alcoholic but he doesn't judge Cale's antics when he's "drunk". We also know that he's been alone most of his life so he probably thinks that Cale is just a lonely person because of his reputation.

Guessing that there are some assholes during the apocalypse (I haven't read the side stories yet but I can guess), he probably thinks that Cale is more complex than what he shows in the books because he has seen the worst kind of people that makes Cale look like a normal person. After switching bodies, Venion, White Star, Arm, and Adin are definitely 1000% worse than Cale.

Kim Rok Soo is very sharp when it comes to understanding people. He understands Choi Han and Alberu's problems and understands the trauma the kids went through. He also understands how corrupt nobles and priests are and doesn't judge Mary and the Dark Elves all because of a stupid religion. He understands how hard it was for Lock during the war and was comforting about it his own weird way.

He's a perceptive and understanding person.

Although he's incredibly bad at judging himself, he's good at judging a person through their motives and actions. It's why he somehow befriends Toonka and Bud. It's why he became allies with Hannah and Fredo. It's why he quietly listens to DHB later on. He understands people and it's why people like and trust him.

In short, he knows that there's something more than what the books say about Cale Henituse.

It's kind of the reason why it made me pause a bit when he finally meets OG Cale.

Their conversation was so calm, it's as if they knew each other for a very long time instead of just literally a few minutes ago. He easily accepted what OG Cale has to say about his mother and his new life as Kim Rok Soo and he trusts him with his former team. Like I've mentioned before in my other post, he's happy for both of them because they're both content with their new lives despite their regrets in their last lives.

Cale looked at Kim Rok Soo, who was laughing and making gestures that he would never have made, and nonchalantly added on.

“I guess you’ve really been happy.”

He recalled the moment he met with Lee Soo Hyuk and got the ‘Embrace’ ability.

Lee Soo Hyuk had handed Cale the ability and told him about the real Cale Henituse as he disappeared.

‘Oh, by the way, the original owner of your body is living well too. He’s happy. That is why Jung Soo, I, and everybody is happy.’

Kim Rok Soo had a bright smile that suited a twenty-year-old person and not someone in his mid-thirties.

- Chapter 656: Everything can be connected

I'm guessing that when he read the parts about Cale throwing bottles at a random asshole in the books, he probably thought that he might do the same thing. Remember how badly he reacted when he learned about the slaves being sent to the Empire? He basically used the same tactic but instead of throwing the bottle at someone, he drank a lot because of how pissed he was and made it look like the "trash" he is while waiting for everyone's signal.

He even has some thoughts about how annoyed he is whenever the knights or butlers would flinch away since he knows Cale never tried to actually harm them. And he knows about Cale's troubles with the staff back home in the Henituse territory.

So yeah, it's pretty sweet in a way that Cale Henituse has someone who kind of understands him and won't judge him for his actions even though Kim Rok Soo doesn't know everything about him because of the books (like his conversation with Basen).

“It looks like you will need to struggle a little longer, but anyway, live well. Please take care of my family.”

“Please take care of my team members.”

Both men let go of each other’s hand with a small amount of sorrow visible in their eyes.

- Chapter 657: Everything can be connected

[hotpinkstars]

HIIII I JUST READ YOUR BOOTHILL IDEA ABOUT PREGNANCY AND I AM WELL FED 😭 i love how angsty it is. oh boy i'm sure struggles a lot during his s/o's pregnancy. like...it has lots of cry and self-conflict because he may thinking that he isn't helping his s/o. there gonna be small arguments and misunderstandings. it's hard for the both of them and the baby. 🥹

ohhhh yes. yup. decided to take a real angsty route with this one. I added some mentions of his actual backstory here, bc my og one was written before his backstory was released lols

Boothill definitely cries during your whole entire pregnancy. He also has a lot of bad thoughts about himself during it, too. 

At first, he tries to hide it, and either subtly cry, or just simply wait until you’re no longer in the room or the house. He doesn’t want you to know that he’s not happy because of the state he’s in. 

He used to be human, he used to be flesh, and most importantly, he once had a daughter of his own, and that's what crushes him the most. He fears so much that he’s almost going to replace her, even though he knows deep down in his heart that it most definitely wouldn’t be able to happen. 

He also feels so bad about not being able to do normal human things for your during your pregnancy :(((( he knows how much you want to be able to be soft and intimate, to take baths and be able to have a cozy massage and just a cozy person around in general, and he’s the exact opposite of that. He doesn’t even think he deserves the husband title anymore.

He literally once asked you why you’re still with him and not someone else. You explained that you loved him and you wanted to be with him, and even then he never really expressed the way he felt about himself to you but you could sort of see it in his eyes. He didn’t like the way he was and the fact that he can’t be what he refers to as a “proper dad” to his kid. 

He knows it’s hard on you, too, and he also knows that you’re catching onto his harsh thoughts, and you’re catching on fast. It caused an argument a few times, on how you’re hurt that he’s not expressing his emotions, he doesn’t want to, it turns into a “do you not trust me or something?” conflict on your end, and a “I just don’t know what to say without hurting you” conflict on his end. Misunderstanding that likely won’t just dissipate. 

There was one argument that you both had when you were nearing pretty close to your due date, and he decided he was going to walk out midway through and not come back for about a week. For some reason, he chose a petty route, leaving you anxious and super betrayed, considering he refused to answer his phone, too.

The argument was over something that seemed incredibly stupid, if you both must say so yourselves. He was, once again, insecure, and he wouldn’t tell you why. That was what bothered you- did he not trust you enough? Did he seriously not want to be a part of this baby's life? Why else would he just walk out?

To say it made you super anxious, scared, and lonely was an understatement. You were left with the thought that you’d have to give birth alone, and go back to your original game plan that you already mentally set up. You thought he genuinely left you.

That was, until he walked back into the house on a random afternoon that next week. He ran up to you and apologized, allowing you to cry it out in his steel arms. He felt so horrible, and he vowed to you to never, ever do that again.

He tries to start letting you in on his troubles from that point on, but there still seems to him like there's a barrier blocking his words from coming out. Sometimes, he just blames it on his synesthesia beacon, which seems to work for now. 

He also lets you see him cry more often, but that stops when you give birth. He doesn’t need you to be more overwhelmed than you already will end up being.

[emlovessid]

I’m so sorry I’m late to the party, but I have a prompt for you, if you’re still interested.

Sirius talking to James about how much he likes Remus and everything he wants Remus to do to him, sexual and otherwise, and Remus overhearing and just being like :o and trying to act normal around him the next time they talk, especially without tipping Sirius off that he heard. Of course, he fails miserably.

This is incredibly similar to an ask I’ve sent in on another blog and I’m sorry for that, but in my defence this scenario plays over and over in my head 24/7 and there’s so many ways it can go.

hi love! you are so fine, sorry it took me so long to get around to this one haha. hope you enjoy <33

“—and I’m losing my mind, James. How do you deal with it?”

“Deal with what?”

Remus freezes where his hand was about to push open James’ door to ask him if he needs anything from the supermarket, fingers hovering just over the door handle when he realises he’s about to interrupt clearly a very important conversation. Taking a step back, he’s ready to retreat down the hall when Sirius starts speaking again.

“With being in love,” Sirius sighs. “I thought when people described love as this all-consuming thing they were just exaggerating, but god, they were not exaggerating. If anything, they were under-exaggerating. How does anyone get anything done?”

Remus knows that he should walk away, knows that he most definitely should not be eavesdropping on this coversation right now, but his heart is stuck in his throat as he tries to wrap his head around the fact that Sirius is apparently in love?

Without giving James a chance to answer, Sirius is rambling again, and Remus can almost imagine his manic eyes and his arms waving about as he says, “It’s literally all I can think about, all day. And then I go to bed and I fucking dream about it, about him, about him and his stupid face and his stupid smile and how much I want to just stick my tongue down his fucking throat.”

It’s with a shaky breath and a sting behind his eyes that Remus finally manages to start moving back towards the kitchen, but then the whole world comes to a shuddering stop when James groans, “I don’t need to know about how much you want to stick your tongue down Moony’s throat.”

Moony? Moony?! Sirius wants to stick his tongue down his throat?!! There’s no way—

“It’s not just that. I mean, yeah, obviously I want to snog him, and have him fuck me so hard into my mattress that I can barely walk the next day—” Remus can barely hear James’ complaints over the sound of his own heart beating thunderously in his ears, “—but I also want to just, walk down the street holding his hand and run my fingers through his hair while he’s reading a book and wake up next to him in the morning.”

Remus actually pinches himself on the wrist then, sure that he must be dreaming, because in what universe are his months of pining actually reciprocated?

“That’s great. And I hope you get all that, I really do. But in order to get that you actually have to tell him you—” Remus leaves midway through James’ sentence, his feet finally catching up with his mind and hurrying back down the hall, grabbing a reusable bag and his keys on his way out the front door.

—

By the time he makes it back from the supermarket, he’s successfully pushed down all thoughts of what he overheard to the deepest depths of his mind, piling on top of it his shopping list and the recipe for tonight’s dinner and what clothes he needs to put in the wash later. That is, until, he walks back inside and finds Sirius leaning against the kitchen counter, jar of peanut butter in one hand as he grins at Remus around a spoon.

“There you are!” Sirius cheers, and with just a look and a smile, all of that pushing down was for naught.

“I want that too,” Remus blurts.

“The peanut butter? Sure, let me grab you another spoon,” Sirius says with a shrug, reaching for the drawer behind him before Remus’ hand on his wrist stops him, his eyes wide and searching as they meet Remus’.

“Not the peanut butter,” Remus sighs, taking a deep breath before continuing, “I want – I want to hold hands and feel your fingers in my hair and have your face be the first thing I see in the morning.”

Sirius’ voice is barely a whisper when he says, “Oh.”

Taking a step closer until he’s practically caging Sirius in against the counter, Remus continues, “And I would like nothing more than to stick my tongue down your throat—”

“Oh.”

“—and fuck you into your mattr—”

Sirius doesn’t give him a chance to finish, surging up and capturing Remus’ lips with his own, the taste of peanut butter on his tongue as he licks into Remus’ mouth, but it’s everything Remus had hoped for and more.

follower appreciation – drop me a prompt <3

[thegreymoon]

LMFAO, good for her 🤣🤣

I despise these kinds of games but I am glad she was not actually upset. While I have zero fucks to give about Gu Tingye, I love her a lot and her well-being is connected to him, I want him to have a good ending, but I primarily want all her integrity and dignity to stay intact. Also, fuck Fengxian with a 🌵

***

So, he didn't warn his newly post-partum wife of his grand scheme with the Emperor? 🤬

I realise the writers didn't want to let Minglan in on the secret for dramatic effect because revealing it to her would be revealing it to us, BUT COME ON.

This just makes him look like a bigger ass than usual and does nothing to endear him to me. He is literally torturing the wife who just gave birth to his child days ago and whom he claims to love, smh.

Also, does Shitou know?? He also seems extremely upset!

If Shitou doesn't know either, I will riot.

***

LMAO

He had a plan and everything, but Sheng Hong plans better 🤣🤣

***

Jeeeeeesus 😬😬

Poor Changbai.

***

I find it extremely ironic that Minglan is now whining about the law having procedures that must be followed when she followed none of them when kidnapping and torturing people herself.

She totally took the law into her own hands and would have killed Wang Ruoyu without any trial or process if her family hadn't stopped her, so I am finding it extremely hard to feel sympathy for her here.

***

God, when did she get so reckless and stupid?

She is manhandling the literal Empress! What were the writers thinking?

I am appalled.

But, OK, I had a good 69 episodes, I will live through these last four and still be satisfied, but it is incredible how badly 99% of c-dramas manage to derail right before the finishing line.

***

Endless stupidity.

It's the writers who have gone crazy.

***

LOL, what is she doing back?

I thought we had seen the last of her.

***

LMAO? Concerned? Her?

Honestly, fuck Wang Ruofu and her concern after all these years and the hell she caused.

***

LMAO, for real?

Opportunistic until the end.

With that said, Minglan will never do it because there is no accounting for taste and she unfortunately loves him already.

***

Oh, Big Madam, you give his shitty ass too much credit.

He already knows and we already saw his reaction. He is overjoyed.

***

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

HE'S TESTING HER? NOW? IN THIS SITUATION? HE'S TESTING HER TO SEE IF SHE WILL LEAVE HIM?

***

Instead of TELLING HER what he's doing, he's pulling this crap, smh.

***

Aww, he's crying 😥

OK, so I may have misjudged his intentions. He was not doing it to test her but to protect her. He seems to think she will be in genuine danger while he's doing this. Which, true, if he dies during this shitshow, the Emperor can't exactly admit to a ploy and restore Minglan to her former honours.

***

Heh.

I wouldn't take him back either, especially once I find out that the whole disaster was actually fake.

***

I wonder how long that will last 🙄

***

I cannot stress this enough, you two are the last thing this storyline needs right now.

***

Because the writers have decided to turn her into an idiot for dramatic effect, that's why.

[zvtara-was-never-canon]

Hey! Sorry to bother you with this guy again, but has gotten so much worse, I never been this dumbfounded, I’m literally speechless.

So I hope you’ll have something to say ^^”

If being stupid was painful, this motherfucker would spend every second of every day screaming in agony. Imagine having THE BALLS to say "Netflix's version is better because it removed all the fun and light-hearted moments from this kids show because it wanted to pander to the idiots that think Avatar should be Nickelodeon's Game Of Thrones."

And that confirms to me that lots of zutarians don't understand Avatar at all, think they're too good for it, and don't even actually like it. They just think Katara and Zuko are hot and make it everyone's problem by rewritting their personalities and trying to force it down our throats.

Also the fact that they're so hellbent on proving that a two year age gap could EVER be a big deal is fucking pathetic. It doesn't even count.

More importantly: yeah, the way they keep talking about a traumatized 14-year-old like she's thirty just because she can adult responsibly sometimes is honestly creepy. I'm not one to pull the "it's misogyny/racism/any other ism" card lightly, but the way they talk about Katara's trauma making her "basically an adult" is disturbingly simmilar to all the classic bullshit expectations that teenage girls are basically adults already, especially if they're not white because "Well, those girls mature faster." It's fucking gross.

The first damn episode shows us Katara being HAPPY that she's being allowed to act like a kid again - but I suppose that since that scene involved FUN, that person either skipped it or zoned out.

It's almost like the light hearted moments in Avatar serve a very strong narrative purpose and that any adaptation that doesn't get it is doomed to be shit.

[shinewerst]

Here I will leave some of my thoughts, guesses and headcanons. Some of them may be stupid and unreasonable, but I will share them with you anyway.

I've noticed that a lot of people headcanon Earth and Moon or Earth and Venus as siblings. And I partially agree with this. But here are my thoughts on this matter: They are cosmic bodies and they do not have siblings in the usual sense, but since they live for a very long time, over billions of years of being close to each other, they can develop family feelings for each other. But only if they are always close. Therefore, most often this occurs between a planet and its moons or between several moons of one planet. This is unlikely to happen between planets, since each of them is in its own orbit, perhaps double planets are an exception. Therefore, I headcanon the Moon and Earth as brothers, Phobos and Deimos too, and Mars as their guardian. (Earth and Venus may be somehow connected, but not family) It's more difficult with gas giants. I believe that when their moons are too numerous and constantly increasing in number, they stop keeping track of them and treat them more like decorations. But Idk.

In the Solar System, having life is supposedly cool and the Earth is proud of it, Venus dreams of it, etc. but it seems to me that in other systems the attitude towards this may be different. For example, I have an oc exoplanet and in her home system this was not considered something cool. They literally treated it like lice lol.

Planets/stars/satellites do not speak any of the earth’s languages, but their own. But different systems have something like their own accents and dialects. So my oc speaks a little differently from them.

In different parts of the universe, the appearance of the planets changes and what the planets will look like usually depends on the star (I'm talking specifically about planethumans).

For the planet/star and satellites, love is something deeper than for earthlings. This is very strong, sensual.

I also noticed how in many fanfictions characters call Proto-Earth that way. But it seems to me that the term “Proto-Earth” itself appeared after his death, namely the collision with Theia and the appearance of the “new Earth”. Before that, everyone simply called him Earth.

Each of them has its own axis tilt, right? They don't really follow it, especially in the planethumans format, so I made a headcanon about them sleeping on their slants. So, Venus sleeps upside down, huh?

The Earth speaks all earthly languages and knows the stages of evolution of almost every creature on his surface, although sometimes he himself may be confused about this. His past memories are slowly fading. He does not remember how he and the Moon appeared, he does not remember that there could have been life on Venus before. I imagine him periodically reading a book about dinosaurs because he doesn't want to forget about them.

I like to think that Mars used to be a bad-tempered asshole, but Earth doesn't remember that. Mars himself does not want to remember this at all, since he has already grown out of it.

Probably the Earth became the way we see him because of humans. Perhaps he was different before. I imagine him as a sweet and kind planet who does his best to care for his friends and his little brother. But when he changed, Luna continued to love him like a brother and care for him in return.

Earth usually tells others only the good side of earthlings, but usually he complains to the Moon about how much he is hurt, about how they are starting another war and doing other terrible things. Therefore, the Moon is much more tolerant of the Earth; he must be the only one who knows how hard it is for him.

Venus is jealous of the Earth and everyone has already understood this. I like to think that Venus, after losing life on its surface, feels the need to protect Earth and its inhabitants.

Luna is aroace. Just because for some reason it seems to me that dating someone just doesn’t suit him.

That's all for now. Maybe I'll create a second part cause I might have forgotten something :p

[yowyowyaoi]

Deidara's Daily Texts from the Akatsuki, Part Two

From Itachi:

I swear I'm not mad just give it back

You're STILL not over that?!

What are you even shaving? You don't have a single hair on your face!

Not my business who you date, just keep them from fighting all the time!

That's funny because Hidan said it was you, asshole.

I never ask you questions like that about Sasori, do I?!

You better hide, Kakuzu's going around collecting rent

God you're a worse gossip than Tobi!

I know it was you my whole room smells like clay!

That's a really lewd thing to say ... are you really hitting on me or are you just drunk off your ass?

Yeah but considering I use nothing in mine and you use like 200 products in yours, I'd say mine is better.

Stop it. You're not a pet person.

Okay can you just come with me? I don't ever ask you for favors do I?!

Pay me back what you owe me first.

From Hidan:

Yeah but I'm hotter. Like WAY hotter.

He loves to say stupid shit like that, he's not being serious.

Bet his dick is bigger tho.

That's literally the most stupid shit I've ever heard. We're MEANT to eat meat, fucker!

Yeah but if shark dick catches us he'll beat our asses and Kakuzu already said he's not putting me back together if it happens again!

I'll pray to Jashin for you, you pathetic atheist.

Let's get the fuck out of here and get something to eat. Kakuzu's sleeping I can swipe his wallet!

Me and you? In your DREAMS, kid. You couldn't handle this immortal dick.

Why tf would I care about that? Tits or not me and you are brothers, man.

Crablegs.

No, steak. Rare-rare. Still mooing.

Fuck a vegetable. Load it up with meat.

No wait corn is good but make sure it's seasoned with the meat blood.

That cunt did not beat my ass he caught me by surprise! I'll kill him next time I see his ugly face!

From Konan:

I don't remember my siblings so you all are it for me.

When a girl asks how old you think she is always answer like 10 years younger than you actually think! But seriously, 40?! FORTY??

Did you always know or did it take you a little bit to figure it out?

Rose petal or honeysuckle. Sometimes lilac if it's not too overwhelming.

It's a complicated situation for sure. They both feel something strongly for you but if my opinion counts? I'd stay with Sasori. At least you know what to expect from him, and I think he genuinely loves you.

I've narrowed it down to you or Hidan. If you confess I'll go easy on you. :-)

Please be gentler with him. He may hide it but he's gotten really fragile these last few months and he's in pain almost constantly.

Threatening to "beat people's asses" isn't my style. I go for the silent kill.

Wow, HE did that for YOU? That's interesting.

Take it up with Kakuzu. He's supposed to provide you all with extra money for exactly these types of things.

I would just do it, Dei. Be grateful your punishment is so light compared to what you did.

Are you two serious? You realize we're all trying our hardest NOT to attract negative attention?!

Perkier if it's chilly out ;)

I thought about it but I've had it this length for forever. It'd probably look weird long.

Only if you promise to sit still this time. I'm not gonna have you complain if it gets smudged again.

From Kakuzu

Brat. Stop.

I don't give a shit if you don't like him. He's valuable and this organization can't afford to lose him. So SUCK IT UP.

The waxing poetic was one thing but the actual poetry was nauseating.

That's coming out of your paycheck.

How is that an "emergency expense"?!

I don't care what you feel it is, "unfair" or not EVERYONE is expected to contribute to the bills. You use the lights? You pay. You take showers? You pay. You eat the food? You. PAY.

I know you two are friends. You have fairly good ideas about what he likes. Help me and I'll take off that debt you owe me from last month.

Sasori can do that for you, can't he??

Nice try, kid, but you still owe me. And you couldn’t handle my immortal love anyway.

From Tobi

I'd ask you to come with but Itachi thinks you'll try and blow him up while he's asleep.

Diabetes was just made up by assholes who don't want us to eat all the good sugar!

He's really so selfish he wouldn't let me borrow you for one night?

Hidan said it was you ...

I KNOW you like older men! Hey what if I told you I was 31, what then??

Of all the things that could be under this mask, why would "sharingan" be one of your guesses? That's ridiculous Senpai!

Come on Senpai! Leader would be mad at first but I think everyone would like a puppy!

Just tell him that you were only home 10 days this month so you should only have to pay 1/3 of the rent

If you want to but Hidan would probably call you a lot of names for wearing it

Marry me and I'll carry you everywhere all the time. It's a good deal!

Let's see if one of the others will trade with us, I hate going to really cold places

Try if you want to but Konan hit me so hard last time I saw stars for three days

Can you make me a bomb shaped like a scythe? Hidan is getting on my nerves.

From Zetsu

It's complicated, but everybody's blood has a distinct scent. Your's smells like lava and ash. It's very unique.

"Love" or not I'd watch my back, child. You'd make a prettier puppet for him than anyone else.

The years don't go by but centuries do.

Come now, you could have left SOME of those bodies in-tact for me!

I can't imagine that it would matter in the long run.

If you three don't stop attracting so much attention we'll have to pick up and move yet again!

I can tolerate human food but it doesn't compare to humans as food.

Neither. Neither of them is a suitable match for you. I'd run as far as I could from both of them.

Thank you for the offer but I don't believe your moisturizer would be effective on my plant skin.

No, not especially. Things are much the same to me.

If Kakuzu said no then there's no point in asking Leader. Kakuzu holds the money with an iron fist and Nagato has never once interfered with his decisions.

A bit more rest and some decent food would do you a world of good.

From Nagato

Then I must not understand true art because all I can see is property damage and unwanted negative attention being drawn towards our organization.

I understand your frustration but please continue to work with him. I need Sasori to stay here and you're the only one Tobi will listen to.

Oh? It seems it may be time I had a talk with you young ones then.

I see no need for further recruits.

Yes, thank you. Konan used it on my hair and it worked wonderfully.

I'm aware you don't like him but please endeavor to coexist in this group with him. Also remember how precarious his health is before you pull another stunt like the one you and Hidan did yesterday.

I won't stand in the way of your personal goals but surely you realize how extreme self-detonation sounds?

I got you all these phones as a way to communicate efficiently with your partners and with the entire group over long distances. NOT to play games. Kakuzu tells me the phone bill is $200 over it's usual amount due to unathorized games and extra features. If this keeps up I'll take them back.

Next time please be sure you're checking who you're sending explicit pictures to. I assume that was meant only for Sasori's eyes? Now I have Tobi and two others ready to kill him to be your partner.

From Kisame

I shouldn't admit it but it WAS very funny.

But what would be the purpose? Samehada steals chakra, aesthetics don't matter.

I can't tell the future but I can guess that if he's stayed this long, then he probably means to stay with you for life.

Yeah well if one more "accidentally" goes off under his window while he's napping I'm going to make a sandwich of your fingers, kid.

I suppose that would be fun but good luck getting the money from Kakuzu.

I can't even imagine the lives they live. It's really more merciful for them that we extract their demon and send them to the afterlife.

Our relationship is so much more than that but all you immature brats ever ask about is the sex aspect. Shameful.

There's no way he bought that fresh, I can smell it all the way back in my room!

Wear your cloak and perhaps borrow Sasori's as well, it's extremely windy and chilly.

Have you considered a haircut, maybe? Or to dye it black like my Itachi's?

Lol relax it was a joke, no need for threats.

From Sasori

I did get them. Beautiful, but Kakuzu would kill you if he knew you were using these phones for such lewd purposes.

A "magic cure" doesn't beat eating right, going to bed at a decent hour, and exercising once in a while, brat.

Funny how they all think I'M the pervert here when YOU'RE the one who came at ME so aggressively. Brat.

I can think of a much better use for all of those pretty mouths of yours, Dei. Come see me and I'll show you what I mean.

Maybe I need to get you a dictionary for Christmas. Because you STILL don't seem to understand what "covert" and "stealth" mean.

Yeah well you nearly dying because of your own carelessness isn't what I'd call fun. So stop it before I end you myself.

I would never.

"<3" is not a heart. I don't care what idiots say. A real human heart is NOT shaped like that. I'll bring you one of my anatomy textbooks so you can see for yourself.

Yes, I suppose. But don't make it a habit please.

Your breathing sounded strange. Come see me for a checkup. Now.

I don't care for when he sends us on missions to cold places. Bad for you and puts a lot of wear on Hiroku.

Trust me, you DO snore. Like a steam engine.

Why you can't simply ignore him, I'll never understand.

Your eating habits are atrocious, brat.

You're quite the silly one, aren't you?

Mm. You know it's not in me to be jealous. But. If I *ever* see him touch you like that again it'll be the last time his fucking hand is attached to his body. You're MINE.

It's just baffling to me that you won't do it. You'd be the centerpiece of the entire collection! Come on I KNOW you love attention!

I wouldn't trust Hidan around something like that.

Goodnight, my sweet prince. See you in the morning ... if the poison doesn't take you out :-)

As per the Inbox request of @tulipunainenruusu 😊

[propertyofkylar]

Happy early birthday!!!

Worship with Whitney

Preferably no smut, I just want him to tell me that I’m actually beautiful or something.

FIRST PROMPT EVENT POST LET'S GO

pairing: m!whitney x gn!reader

word count: 577

cw: just some canon-compliant name-calling, a little bit of possessiveness

it was hard to do worship with no smut but i did my best <3

“What’s wrong?”

Whitney’s eyes narrowed as he studied your face closely. It came as a surprise to you - you usually were very good at hiding your feelings, and frankly thought that at this moment nothing could have possibly seemed off. 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” you lied, hoping your boyfriend wouldn’t care enough about your feelings to push the topic. 

You were wrong. 

Whitney tapped ash from his cigarette. “You’re lying,” he said simply before motioning to you with his free arm. “C’mere. You’re not fun when you’re all mopey and it’s pissing me off.”

You took a step closer and he wrapped his arm around your shoulder, pulling you tight. “Now you’re gonna tell me what’s wrong or else I’m putting this out on you,” he waved the cigarette in your face. 

Chewing on your lip, you looked away from Whitney as you tried to figure out what to say. “I don’t know,” you said and as soon as you did, your eyes began welling up with tears. Emotions flooded your entire being and you looked at the ground. How could you even begin? The debt. The stress. The constant attacks. Literally everything that’s going on in your life. It’s all just too much. 

Whitney sighed and flicked his cigarette to the ground, stomping it out with his toe. “Listen, slut,” he began, and you instinctively looked at him. He had a serious look on his face. “If anyone tries to fuck with you, you bring ‘em to me. Alright?”

You blinked. You weren’t expecting that. “…huh?”

He rolled his eyes. “I know everyone wants a piece of my slut. It’s really fucking annoying, actually. And these dumb fucks talk. A lot. And I hear what they say. And…” Whitney let out a sigh, as if what he was about to say was incredibly taxing to him. “You shouldn’t listen to them.” 

You, again, were speechless. “What?” You said after a moment. Whitney shook his head before taking your chin in his hand. You looked up at him with wide eyes. 

“I hear those cunts talking about what they want to do to you. Calling you stupid and ugly. They’re fucking stupid, because obviously that’s not true. Not only are you way too pretty for those fuckers, they’re forgetting one important thing,” Whitney squeezed your face before dropping his hand. “You’re my slut.”

“Oh,” you felt very warm inside all of the sudden. It made you smile. “Thanks.” 

“Don’t mention it,” Whitney said as he lit up another cigarette. “Seriously. I don’t want word getting out.” He hesitated for a moment before pressing a kiss to your forehead. 

You leaned your head against his shoulder and the two of you stood in silence for a few moments. Then a thought occurred to you that made you grin uncontrollably. Whitney quickly took notice and looked annoyed. “Fuck, what is it now? I can’t keep up with your mood changes.”

You tried to repress it but the smile only grew. “You called me pretty.” 

Whitney kept looking annoyed, but you noticed a blush creeping across his cheeks. “Yeah. Whatever. Am I gonna lie? No. It’s a fact that you’re beautiful.” His expression was unpleasant as he looked away. 

“But—” you started, though you were quickly cut off. 

“Fuck off,” he said simply. “Or else I’ll give you something to really cry about.”

You smiled at the cliche line and settled back into comfortable silence with Whitney. 

[skunkox]

"Until he gets tired of me."

That's was Darlin's answer anytime someone questioned their relationship with Sam. A pircing but deep pain would shoot through their chest every time they said it. But it was always said in a joking tone and a movement to distract the other person from their face.

No one needed to see how that thought may have hurt them. They knew what they were getting into from jump. Darlin' felt safe. Safer than they had felt in a long time. They found that safety in Sam and were grateful for it. Nothing is promised, and to have had Sam in their life at all was a blessing and a mercy.

As much as they hated the thought of Sam ever leaving them, Darlin' could never blame him. They'd fucked up so many times in their life. People had gotten hurt. They were reckless. In being so, caused Sam to strain himself to care and worry for them.

There were day they wished Sam would just pack up and go. To rid himself the headache of their presence. But whenever they woke, he was always right there, holding them close and tightly.

He'd never do that, though. It was obvious to anyone who actually bothered to see them together. The tenderness in his eyes. The gentleness of his touch. The vampire was beyond sprung for the wolf. He was happy. Like he was finally healing.

Sam wouldn't be going anywhere. Sam learned that about himself very quickly after the first couple of meetings. Darlin' knew as well. A part of their brain screamed to believe otherwise. They hadn't done anything to deserve his grace. His patience. His love. Love that was promised to them until the end of their time.

"Do you think Count Yee-Haw will stay?"

The question had been asked once again. This time, by a young boy named Carlos. He had gotten attached to Darlin' as a toddler and was one of the few pack members that was genuinely happy to see them back.

Count Yee-Haw was the nickname the the pack kids had given Sam. Only they could call him that, though. It was a name bestowed upon him after the collective decided to put his vamp strength to the test. The poor man was literally dog piled and left to hold and stumble around with a minimum of 8 kids hanging off his frame like ornaments. It was a title he was growing fond of.

"Probably. At least until he gets tired of me." Darlin gave the boy a half-hearted smile and pulled forward the hood of his jacket.

"I heard some of the adults talking. They said that he wouldn't stay when you get older." Carlos admitted, frown all too clear on his face. "It's stupid. He obviously loves you. And you're happy now. Isn't that enough?"

The words spoken came from a place of care. Carlos had missed his favorite rebel and defender of Asher's antics. Truth be told, he was worried Darlin' would become uneasy around the pack again and got MIA again. They were more stable with the southern vamp at their side.

Darlin' was about ready to hug the kid in an attempt to soothe his nerves. But a single thought ran through their head. Carlos was a sweet kid. But what he said was just a little nice? Too nice to come from a tween.

"Besides. I don't think you'll ever stop being weird. A d he already talks like an old ma-." Darlin' cut him short with a smack to the back of his head.

"If you think that, why even ask?"

"Because I know you hear them too. And I don't want you guys to go anywhere."

🦇🐺🦇🐺🦇🐺🦇🐺

If you read all that, I'm sorry.

Labeling this as part 1 cause I'm tired. Sorta been drained all week. Hoping to get actually rest this weekend and do a part 2. I have a habit of starting things and not finishing.

AO3 scares me, so small shit will remain here for the time being.