#because of severe childhood trauma.....

[solittles]

thinks about dave k's bad take on hickey n his potential personality disorder. gets upset again .

[twoheadedfather]

it's so weird having severe childhood trauma😭😭 "yeah, i was tortured as a child." like, ooookay...😬 why is it as embarrassing as getting hit by a car

[strawberrybabydog]

hmm i really wish childhood psychosis was easier to study because the longer im in psychotic spaces the more i see there's a really clear and obvious difference between me (earliest memories include psychosis and psychotic trauma) and the regular psychotics who develop it as a late teen/early adult

theres at least something to be said about the way we double bookkeep & how childhood psychotics seem to have significantly less attachment to Reality, something it seems to me like most psychotics eventually return to or are able to keep in touch with, unlike childhood psychotics who dont seem like we're able to do this whatsoever

when i say i live in a constant state of psychosis, i mean, i experience trauma related to my psychosis 3+ times a day, every single day, with 0 fluctuation as to how im perceiving things. not one day of my entire memorable life has passed without objects talking to me and me understanding this is a normal part of my life. i think adult psychotics are able to disconnect and say "this ISNT part of my life, this is terrifying, i want this to end" which creates a new trauma that as a child psychotic i do not experience. for me this is the default, it's never been any other way because that just isnt possible

maybe TLDR, in childhood psychosis there is some level of acceptance of our reality that carries with us into adulthood, and commonly from what ive seen and heard from adult psychotics, they deeply reject their reality because they understand and have experience living differently

[tomatoluvr69]

Sitting down to floss and brush my teeth has been lifechanging. On a completely unrelated note how the fuck am I supposed to have this skeleton for several more decades. It’s all over for me lads 😔

[lith-myathar]

.

[cilantrospirit]

it's not that I didn't feel loved by mama as a kid OR that I don't feel loved by her now. it's that if I knew, as a kid, what I know now, I would not have felt loved then. which. dunno what to do with that feeling

[pantestudines]

ultimately I think the worst thing is that all of my issues just seem to be, at the root of it, just kind of having a weird and somewhat bad personality? Like, I don't really have, to my knowledge, any specific trauma, illness, difference in ability, or deviation away from society's standards that explains why I struggle so much. I kinda just suck in a normal way.

[caffeinatedopossum]

Oops I've been calculating wrong, it's actually only been 6 years since I developed my ed lol

[katyspersonal]

Also I have a guilty pleasure of watching Miraculous Ladybug whenever I catch it on the TV (guilty because writing might be... better, in many places, but I still enjoy the show). And tbh Wishmaker is one of my all time favorite episodes yet, because it is just SO important.

Without much spoiler, core thing is that the guy that made one of the shows on bullying “pointless” and “dumb” professions ends up having a crisis because it is revealed he just been jealous because HIS identity was screwed up since early childhood thanks to mocking of the society - but here are some people still able to enjoy who they are! And it just got me thinking for a while.

To think of it, so far everyone who called my art ugly had that... saccharine, polished, pretty neat art style where every woman looks like a Barbie doll and every man looks like a stereotypical elf. And all art styles have their merits, but that’s an interesting point - such art lacks nerve. Nobody will feel irritated by it, it is just on the mark with what people who seek beauty EXPECT to see. So this stuff got me thinking - maybe once they did have a more quirky, ““unattractive”“ art but feared mockery and neglect for it, so they ‘polished’ their art. And negativity towards ‘weird’ art might be envy of seeing someone who preserved artistic identity when they had their taken away.

Heck, this could be considered for many things. People who hate body-positivity might be just ones that were pushed into feeling bad about their own physical imperfections and feel hurt to see those that are happy instead. People who cringe at self-indulgent fandomry maybe once shipped their OC with a favorite canon character and got bullied HARD for it, so seeing those who still enjoy what they lost is... hard. It is just hard.

I know it is a no-brainer that NO person who is truly secure about their life choices will feel bitter and petty seeing someone with different choices, but stuff like this just really makes you FOCUS on such sentiments. To really THINK of people in more optimistic light, but also more sad light (so... bittersweet?), than just ‘they are mean because they just are’.

I just think it is good when a casual show for teens encourages peering deeper into motivations of people. It is... kind. In a good way, in a ‘reflect and change’ way rather than ‘forgiveness fixes everything uwu’ way. Though sometimes it is too bad that in reality a single crying fit is not enough to realise you haven’t been very nice, and WHY you haven’t been very nice. xD

[charonte-simi]

Retreated to the woods for a couple days and in the midst of my solitude I had to confront some really interesting things I had internalized about relationships and, shockingly enough, parenthood.

It really all comes back to perfectionism at it's roots. Also being afab and the stupid fucking messaging we're forcefed. But needless to say it's making me question some core stances that shaped my personality but I'm filing those away to be mulled over at a later date cause I do NOT have the bandwidth to deal with that shit rn

[gh-0-stcup]

The weirdest take I've seen on Reddit is that the show made John Winchester a worse father in the later seasons than he was initially. That the worst he did early on was being a bit distant and training his sons from a young age. And of course, that stuff wasn't that bad because it was necessary to keep them safe.

Just off the top of my head here's what we get from season 1 alone. Dean being traumatized by John's treatment of him following the shtriga attack. John disowning Sam for going to college. John refusing to pick up his phone when Dean is literally dying. John physically intimidating Sam during an argument - one that started simply because Sam refused to go along with whatever John said to do without asking questions. Dean having to physically get between the two of them and having to physically pull them apart before they attacked each other.

There's a load of other stuff from the first 3 seasons as well. If anything, the show took a stronger stance regarding John's terrible parenting in those seasons than any of the later ones. The longer John was dead, the fonder the boys became of him.

[sphyrnicate]

getting therapy again and wondering if i should start making lists of things to tell her when she asks "oh why do you think you have _____" but then procrastinating because i plan to tell her and my dad nothing about my life ever until i move out. and probably nothing after that either

[roboticutie]

I never understood the "just pinch yourself!" method of figuring out if it's a dream or not because I feel pain in my dreams. Like, as if it was real life. Sometimes, the pain I feel is so real that it lingers for a few moments after I wake up. And it doesn't have to be anything horrific or nightmarish! It can be that somebody slugged me in the arm too enthusiastically, or I pulled on an arm hair or bug stuck on me and there was a sharp little pinch, etc. Letalone the distressing things. It feels real, so I've never, ever understood the idea that you can tell you're dreaming if it doesn't hurt. Because my brain just. Gives me the pain signal anyways.

[daedelweiss]

some concept sketches of LM!Leo wearing clothes for the cold. he has trauma from childhood involving the cold and ever since, he's hated the cold. you'll find out why at some point and you'll also see leo wearing warm wear at several points in the comic~ i try to find a balance with my style and the show's style because i don't want to drift from canon too much.

hope you guys are ready to see more LM doodles soon 🥰

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[karmaphone]

I need people to understand. I NEED people to understand. that if you talk like you're the only trauma/abuse survivor in the room I GUARANTEE that every other trauma/abuse survivor in the room no longer views you as a safe person