#been ruining sleep as long as i could remember myself

[glimpsesofeuterpe]

i really have to go to bed before midnight, cant deny i felt much better (and healthier) back in few times when it almost turned into a habit

[opheliac]

i actually really did fuck myself for realsies. i am truly starting from the bottom of the abyss. this is where i can make the choice to continue letting it unravel and get even worse or i could try to build up again. neither sounds attractive. i'm paralyzed by so much anxiety in my body and mind and i can't make any decisions for myself. i can't believe i fell back down to this point again. i start classes so soon, if i can afford it. so much of my future is so uncertain. my health is in shambles but how much of it really is attributed to my mental illness (likely a good portion of it). i really did isolate myself so much from others that i have strengthened absolutely none of my connections and instead have either strained or completely damaged them. i have no one close to me anymore that i am able to go to because i abused the empathy. i completely fucked it. what i really want is a hug and to have a friend stay the night with me so i feel less alone but i lost that privilege. this whole summer has been horrible, nothing like i anticipated. and i really really don't know what to do from here.

[rafeshoeeee]

Best friends brother

I had been best friends with Sarah Cameron for as long as i could remember. Our families go way back and had known each other for years.

Sarah is the kook princess, everyone knows her and everyone loves her. She's dating Topper Thornton, her brother's best friend. They're constantly arguing with each other and it's so tiring. Topper is very short tempered and gets annoyed by Sarah's friendliness towards everybody. I have to tolerate Topper as he's around most of the time, but i have my reasons why he's not my favorite.

Sarah's older brother Rafe is just so dreamy. Due to me being very close with Sarah he has to put up with me constantly being around, but deep down i know he doesn't mind that one bit.

I've known Rafe since he was a stroppy 9 year old boy. I've watched his mannerisms change over the years as he developed into the person he is.

We never really took any notice of each other when we were younger, but once we both matured, we couldn't keep our hands off of each other.

We had gotten much closer over the past two years and everyone had noticed. We spoke more at parties, laughed together, got drunk together and behind closed doors we did things we know we shouldn't.

But we just couldn't help it.

I wanted him because i knew i couldn't have him.

i remember when i first developed a little crush for him a couple of years ago, and i would get upset every time he brought a new girl home. Which was usually once a week, sometimes more. But overtime this bad habit had worn off once we started getting closer.

We are actually dating now but it's a massive secret. No one can know, and that's what makes it exciting. Sneaking around together gives both of us a buzz that's indescribable.

I used to tell myself that i would never do anything to ruin mine and Sarah's friendship, yet here i was laying in her brothers bed with nothing but his t-shirt and my pink panties on. My body pressed up against Rafe's bare chest, my finger nail tracing shapes on his right bicep. His arms lazily draped around my waist and had been for most of the night.

It was early morning in the Outer Banks and i had been awake for a little while, just watching Rafe peacefully sleep, looking so calm and relaxed. I listened to his slow heart beat gently bump in his chest, calming me also.

I watched him as he blinked his eyes open, adjusting to the light that beamed through the curtains. I placed a couple of gentle kisses along his jawline to let him know i was awake before nuzzling my head back into his chest.

His hand gently stroked my hair and i felt his lips kiss the top of my head, making me smile to myself. I loved mornings like this, Rafe being all soft compared to his usual tough boy act. No one ever saw this loving side to him and that's why everyone thinks he's a hot headed maniac. Most people only see his bad moments as he doesn't let his guard down very easily, but i was so grateful he chose me to be like this with.

"morning baby" i whispered to him, propping myself up onto my elbows so i could look at his face.

He squinted at me, his eyes still not adjusted to the light. He slowly removed his arm from around my waist and rubbed his eyes with his hand. I lightly laughed at his action, knowing that he wasn't a morning person but he was trying his best.

"morning beautiful" he replied, his voice slightly cracking due to him not being fully awake yet.

I just looked at him with loving eyes, wondering how i got so lucky. My heart fluttered in my chest at his compliment and how sexy he sounded with his morning voice.

I cupped his right cheek gently and connected our lips, the kisses were gentle and passionate, full of warmth and love.

I could feel Rafe's hands traveling down my body and they stopped at my bum, squeezing the flesh, causing me to giggle into his mouth and our lips separating.

"Rafeee" i squealed from his unexpected gesture.

Before i could say anything else, Rafe grabbed my chin and reconnected our lips, the kisses still so gentle and soft.

As much as i wanted to stay in bed all morning with Rafe, cuddling with him and absorbing all his body heat. I couldn't risk getting caught in here and he knew that. A lot of the time we spend together has to get cut short and it's so annoying because all we want to do is be together every minute of every day. But we just can't.

I struggled to pull away from Rafe as he knew what time it was. He knew i had to leave and scurry off to the guest bedroom and act like i didn't spend all night and all morning laying in his bed.

He groaned out of frustration and peppered kisses all over my face. I giggled at his clinginess, "baby i have to go" i told him firmly but softly, looking at him with an apologetic expression.

I hated leaving him in the mornings when he's all cute and precious. He grabbed my body and pulled me into him, not wanting to let me go, "just five more minutes" he groaned out, wrapping his big arms around my small frame. He made me feel so comfortable and safe but now really wasn't the time, any minute now Sarah would wake up and come searching for me.

I untangled myself from his arms and quickly jumped out of bed. The slightly cold air pricked my skin, goosebumps appearing on my arms. I searched the room for my pjs, needing to change into them. I know Sarah would think me wondering around in her brother's top is strange and i don't want to cause any suspicion.

"look away" i told Rafe, about to pull his top over my head.

He jokingly scoffed, "your kidding right? I've seen you naked plenty of times"

He's right, but i knew i wouldn't be able to resist his lustful stare as i stripped in the middle of his bedroom. However, i didn't have to time to argue with him over such a silly thing, so i just pulled his top over my head, leaving me in just my pink panties.

My hand instantly shot over my bare breasts as i hurried to pull my own floral pajama top over my head.

"don't cover yourself up sweetheart, let me see you" Rafe demanded, i could tell he had a huge smirk on his lips, despite me not looking his way.

His seductive voice turned me on so much, i loved the way he made me feel. He made me feel like the only girl in the world and he treated me like a goddess.

I dropped my arm from breasts and let them free, perfectly on display for Rafe to eye. I looked over at him and saw him lick his lips.

"such pretty tits" he blurted out, running a hand over his buzzed hair, clearly overstimulated.

I smirked to myself as i pulled my top over my head. I loved how much control i had over him. The way he just drowned me in compliments all of the time made me feel so confident.

i teasingly bent down to grab my pajama shorts, my ass in perfect view for Rafe to see. I heard him grunt from behind me and i quickly stepped into my shorts before turning to face him.

"everything okay baby?" i asked him with a devious smirk on my lips.

He chuckled to himself, "you're such a little tease" he laughed softly and readjusted himself under the covers.

I quickly leant over him to give him a quick peck on the lips before exiting his room. I felt his hand slap my ass and i looked at back at him with wide eyes.

"i love you" i told him before opening his bedroom door to leave.

He smiled at my words and responded, "i love you more baby"

I gently shut Rafe's bedroom door behind me and i quickly scurried to the guest bedroom three doors down. I opened the door, the bed was freshly made and the windows were ajar, a little breeze blowing the curtains. I rolled onto the bed and buried myself underneath the covers, making it look like i had spent the night here.

I missed Rafe already. I missed hearing him breathe in my ear, i missed the feeling of his lips on mine and peppering my skin and i missed the way he looked at me. I couldn't put into words the amount of love i feel for him, and i fall in love with him more and more every single day. I couldn't imagine my life without him.

I adored him so much and never understood how anyone can be mean to him. I understood that he doesn't appear to be the friendliest person on the planet but i believe that you have to give everyone a chance. i took my chance with Rafe and it was one hundred percent worth it.

I opened my phone and typed a message to Rafe,

Me: I miss you baby x

He responded almost immediately, a mirror picture of him with a towel wrapped around his waist. His v line peeking over the top and little water droplets running down his abs. There was text at the bottom stating, i miss you too baby girl

My core was aching for him, he knew i loved him like this.

I quickly went into the guest bathroom that was attached to the bedroom and pulled my tiny pajama shorts down. I snapped a picture of my ass, it was slightly covered by my tiny pink thong, but it was perfect. He knew exactly how to turn me on, and i knew exactly how to turn him on.

Rafe started typing and his message read,

Rafe: fuck baby, i need you

That was it. As soon as i received that message, i quickly pulled my shorts on. i exited the guest room and headed straight for Rafe's. My hand reached the door knob but before i could turn it and enter the room I heard my name.

"y/n? what are you doing?" Sarah asked, confusion written all over her face.

My face dropped.

Shit.

[dodger-chan]

AO3 is down? Okay, well here's about 900 words of a story I don't think I'll ever finish

Edit: now on AO3

The Alibi

Clearing Eddie Munson’s name went against every instinct Jim had honed in his years as a cop. Munson was bad news. A drug dealer. A born criminal, in and out of Hawkins Police custody since he was a kid.

Admittedly, no small number of those early detentions were more about trying to track down his father than anything Munson had done himself. He’d been an uncooperative shit, though; always insisting he knew nothing while sporting bruises fresh enough to prove his old man hadn’t been gone very long.

If Jim hadn’t known for a fact the kid was completely innocent of the three murder charges. If he hadn’t been told by Henderson, both Sinclair kids, the good Wheeler, and Harrington and his girlfriend that Munson had been instrumental in beating back the monsters beneath Hawkins. If Jane hadn’t looked at him with loving expectation, hadn’t been so sure her old man would make fairness and justice align, well, Jim wasn’t sure what he would have done. It wouldn’t have been this.

This being escorting the Harrington kid to the hospital to sneakily convey the plan to Munson, and then ruin his life.

Ruin Harrington’s life, that is. It might save Munson’s. 

----------

Jim recognized Wayne Munson from all the times he’d come down to the station to claim his nephew. Wayne looked older than Jim remembered him. Eddie, pale with blood loss and handcuffed to the bed, looked younger. He didn’t know the officer standing guard in Munson’s room; a new hire while he’d been in Russia.

“It’s family only,” the officer instructed. Jim frowned at him.

“I'm not here to visit.” Jim wasn’t the chief anymore, but he still knew how to talk so the lower ranks would listen. “I’ve found Munson’s alibi.”

He shoved Harrington forward. The kid reached a hand out towards Munson, looked at the guard and stopped. He stiffened his shoulders and placed his hand on top of Munson’s. Not a bad performance.

“I thought the cops would ask me about our last date on Friday. But they didn’t come around.” Harrington kept his eyes down, but spoke to Munson. “Why didn’t you tell them? Did you think I’d lie about being with you?”

“Maybe? The whole ‘no one can know’ thing seems pretty important to you.” Between the handcuffs and the IV drip, Munson couldn’t really shrug. “You still take girls out. You took a girl to the game that night, even.”

Harrington had said Munson would figure out the plan quickly, that they wouldn’t need to feed him very much information. Jim hadn’t expected he’d not only get the gist of the plan but be able to fish for useful information as well. He was impressed.

“And took her home right after so I could meet you.” Harrington raked a hand through his hair. “You know the girls are just for show. So no one suspects. I don’t… I don’t sleep with them anymore.”

“That’s enough.” The officer looked between the two young men, then at Jim. He obviously wanted to take Harrington out of the room and interrogate him properly, but wasn’t sure he could leave his murder suspect. 

“Munson’s not going anywhere,” Jim pointed out. “I’ll keep an eye on him while you call Chief Powell.”

The officer nodded in deference to Jim’s air of authority. He left, taking Harrington with him to keep the boys from discussing their stories any more.

It clearly hadn’t occurred to him that Jim might help them get their stories straight. Ideally, he’d speak to Munson alone, but presumably the elder Munson cared more about keeping his nephew out of jail than the truth.

“Right, so after your club meeting-” Jim started. Munson interrupted him.

“I drove to Steve’s place. I parked my van in the woods so none of his neighbors would see it. Like I always do.” Munson rolled his eyes. “I got there first; let myself in the back. Steve got there maybe five minutes after me. We had a fight, about Steve taking girls out. Again. I will spare you and Wayne exactly where that led, though I expect the police will request all the details, perverts that they are.”

“You got all that from ‘date last Friday?’” Jim asked. It was almost exactly the story Steve had told him. Not the same words, not the same point of view, but the same events. 

“No, I got it from ‘last date, on Friday,’” Munson corrected. Jim wasn’t sure why the difference mattered. “So our last date, but like it happened on the Friday before Spring Break.”

Jim frowned, confused. Wasn’t Harrington pretending to be dating Munson? He looked over at Wayne, who seemed as lost as he was.

“I thought you broke up with that boy?” Wayne was apparently lost in a very different place than Jim was.

“I did, though, under the circumstances, I may omit that detail. Unless Steve is planning to say I dumped him before I left that morning?”

“He isn’t.” Harrington had asked if the alibi would sound more believable coming from a current or ex-boyfriend. Jim had thought a break-up the day of the murder sounded too convenient. Not that either would have been credible enough to clear Munson’s name if the Feds weren’t around to put their thumb on the scale. Harrington’s story was more to get them to place it on the side of Munson being released rather than blackmailed into a plea agreement.

“Then I guess he and I are officially back together.

[hellodropbear]

like she used to (V)

alexia putellas x sister

chapter I, II, III, IV

from alexia's perspective tonight :)

~~~~~~

My younger sister hates me. 

I don't know why, I don't even know when it happened. 

But I know that my younger sister hates me, and I have absolutely no idea what to do about it. 

I have known there was something wrong since she started skipping our dinners on Thursdays, claiming to have Barcelona B training until late. 

I knew they finished up an hour before dinner started. 

Alba says that I spent to much time away from her, that I didn't focus on her enough. 

Mami says that she is growing up and simply becoming less reliant on her older sisters. 

But neither of those explanations seem to make sense, because my younger sister is not the girl that I once knew any more. 

The girl who would sleep in my bed every night, who wiped my tears when I cried and put a smile on my face when all I wanted to do was bury my face into my pillow and scream about how unfair the world was. 

Because she's Elena and she's happy, she always has been.

But Elena does not seem happy anymore. And I don't know when it changed, but I hate myself for not being there to make her smile like she did for me so many times when we were younger. I hate myself for not being there to put a smile back on her face as soon as it fell off. 

She lives with bags under her eyes, her usually olive skin turned pale, her eyes constantly downcast and her eyebrows set in a solemn line. 

She used to tell me everything, but then I blinked and my baby sister's name was on my team sheet and I didn't even know she had been training with the first team. 

Mami said that she was sleeping, that she didn't want to talk about it now. Mapi told me the next day that she found her 45 minutes away from home, sitting in the park by her house. 

I should have been there more, I should have gone to her games. I know that, everyone knows that. But I broke up with Jenni, who had been my rock for as long as I could remember. I broke up with Jenni and she moved to Mexico, leaving me alone for the first time, in an apartment full of memories that would swallow me every time I entered.

I felt alone, every fibre of my being felt alone. I was isolated and my world was crumbling around me. And I didn't know who to turn to, I didn't know where I could find support. 

I didn't know that Elena was sat at home in bed, staring at her phone and waiting for me to call her, to text her. 

I used to call her every night, but slowly, those phone calls died out. Elena would all asleep with her phone in her lap. Until she gave up. Until she switched her phone off as soon as she reached her bedroom in the evenings. 

Back when Papi died, I relied probably a bit too much on my little sister to get me through it. Mami always said it was the wrong thing so I didn't want to make that mistake again. I avoided Elena, not wanting her to realise how weak I really am. She always said she admired me for being strong, powerful. I was her inspiration, her hero. 

I didn't want to ruin that image she had of me by crying on Mami's couch, unable to be alone after something as superficial as a breakup. 

But I think I ruined that image in other ways. 

I stopped going to her games. 

I stopped holding her as she fell asleep in my lap on a Thursday evening, instead watching her move further and further away from me on the sofa, until she wasn't there at all. 

I stopped being there for her, helping her with her homework, picking her up from training, taking her out for ice cream. 

I stopped being her sister, and I don't think I will ever forgive myself. 

I don't think she will ever forgive me either. 

And to make everything worse, I only thought about it properly when Olga brought it up a few weeks ago. 

"Why haven't I met your younger sister yet? There are so many photos of her here, but I have never even spoken to her."

It was then that everything came crashing down, reality hitting me like a truck, driving 100 kilometres an hour along the highway. 

Olga couldn't understand why I was suddenly sobbing into her arms, my words more incoherent than my thoughts. But she held me close and told me one thing. 

"If there is something wrong with your little sister, you need to fix it."

Obviously she was right, she didn't need to tell me that. 

I felt an enormous surge of guilt explode inside of me, and for once Olga's arms didn't do anything to help me. I don't deserve her comfort, I don't deserve to feel good when I have left my baby sister behind. 

Because she is everything to me but I haven't spoken to her in two years. 

I don't know how I let it go this far.

~~~~~~

Mapi's voice is scratchy and quiet over the phone, and I could tell something is wrong. She wouldn't tell me what. 

"Elena is here with me. I texted Eli but she didn't reply but I needed to tell someone that she is safe and asleep in my spare room. We will take her to the game in the morning."

She didn't say much else, other than that she found my sister at the park after she had taken the bus from home. 

But, the look that she gave me at the game the next day told me everything I need to know. 

It wasn't angry, really, she just looked confused and hurt. She looked upset as well and I knew exactly what it was about. Because Elena has always loved Mapi, and Mapi has always treated Elena like a little sister. 

Elena would have told Mapi something, and even though I don't know what it was, I know it would have been bad enough to make Mapi overthink everything, to realise how awful I have been over the past few years. 

I was anxious through the whole game, separated from my best friend by Frido and Jana, trying my best to ignore the looks that Mapi kept sending me. 

The looks that were filled with such emotion that I couldn't handle. Emotions that were hard to read because they were filled with so much meaning. 

I am too much of a coward to face her and my consequences, I realise, so I ignore it for as long as I can. 

But I knew I could not avoid everything when Mami pulled me to the side after the rest of the girls had gone back into the changing rooms, after Alba had gone to the bathroom. 

"What are you doing?" 

She was furious, and for good reason. But I stay silent, still too scared, too guilty about everything I had done. The only thing on my mind was  trying to figure out how I could ever fix this. 

"Alexia Putellas! Answer me! What are you doing?" 

Her face was almost red, but if I looked hard enough I would have been able to see the tears that dried up in her eyes, never given the chance to slip down her face. 

"What do you mean, Mami?" 

She rolled her eyes dramatically and scoffed loudly. 

"Your baby sister is 15 years old and without any help from you, her older sister, was sitting on the bench for your team. The best team in Europe. She is 15, Alexia! This is such a huge achievement and all she wants is a hug from you, for you to tell her you are proud of her, that you love her. But no. Nothing. Nothing at all from the great Alexia Putellas who cares about nothing but her career!" 

Mami's words are a slap in the face, really. Thinking back to them, however, they are the truth. The terrible, painful, horrendous truth. 

Not that I don't care about anything but my career, of course, but about how I haven't done anything to help Elena get to where she is. 

I pause before responding, debating internally how I should respond. 

I could respond with fire, but that would just make Mami even more furious.

So I don't. 

"I know she is, Mami! That is why I am about to go do exactly that. I am so, so proud of her but I can't find the words to tell her just how proud I am."

She looks at me for a moment, as if assessing the validity of my statement. 

"We are going out to dinner tonight, Alexia. You are coming with us and we are celebrating Elena. Not you, Elena."

I nod, telling her that I will go get Elena and meet her and Alba outside. 

Except that doesn't happen, because I see Elena in the changing rooms, but she doesn't seem to want to have anything to do with me. 

I see the 15 year old girl laughing and interacting with my team, holding Aitana close and whispering in her ear. 

But honestly, the whole scene flipped my insides out. I am not focused on Olga as she chats to me, as she notices how distant I am from reality, moving towards Mapi. 

When I do finally speak to my sister, it does not go well. She is cold and I don't know how to get through to her because she is right to not want to talk to me, she is right to stick up for herself. I have messed up and I still have no idea how to fix things. And until I do, she is right to act like this. 

So I didn't end up going to their dinner, instead sitting alone in my apartment and staring blankly at my switched off tv, wondering what on earth I can do to fix this mess. To fix this mess that I single handedly created. 

It meant that Mami came round late, storming into my apartment, smoke practically billowing from her ears.

"You have messed up, Alexia. She is so upset and it is entirely your fault! You are stupid, you are irresponsible and you have been a terrible sister." 

I cowered under her strong gaze but she did not soften. She sat down, placing her head in her hands.

"You are almost 30! You should know better. I have not raised you to be like this, I have not raised you to throw people away without any thought, not caring how it might affect them. She is so confused and so, so upset and it is all because of you. All because you decided a few years ago that you did not have time for her anymore."

"Mami-"

There are tears in my eyes, but Mami can not see them. Mami does not care, she should not care because I did all of this, all by myself. 

"No, Alexia. You will tell me what has happened, why you have done this. You have ripped apart our family, Alexia. Alba is practically mourning the destruction of it and I just can not begin to understand why you have decided Elena doesn't mean anything to you any more."

"I haven't decided that!" My yell took my mother off guard and she recoiled. I continued before she could speak again. 

"I love her! So much and I am proud of her! I don't know what I have done, Mami and I don't know how to fix this." The tears that filled my eyes began to slip down my face. "I have ruined everything."

My voice broke and Mami softened, looking at me in confusion, some sort of inner turmoil and for the first time in my life, I recognised that she had no idea what to do. 

She didn't know what to do as I broke down into sobs, my body practically folding into itself, loud cries wracking through my body. 

"I don't know what is wrong with me." 

~~~~~~

Mami and I spoke for ages that evening. She convinced me that I should take a step back and let Elena come to me. That I should try and talk to Elena soon to tell her that I love her, that I am proud of her. 

But it ended up with another unsuccessful attempt of speaking to Elena. She was in bed and wanted nothing to do with what I wanted to say. I told her everything that Mami told me I should, ignoring the protests of my insides. 

I do not want to take a step back because I am already so far away. I want to be there for my sister like I should be, there for a hug or for some assurance. But that is not what I tell her, because apparently, that is not what would be the best for her. 

All I want is the best for her. 

I want nothing more than to tell her I want to be a part of her life like I used to be, I want things to just go back to normal. But nothing is that easy. I have to face the consequences of all my mistakes. 

Huge, terrible, life altering mistakes.

I tried again the next morning, but she ignored me completely, heading up to her room without a single utterance of a word. I could practically hear her exhale in relief as the piano chair creaked and waited until she had begun her playing to walk upstairs and sit by her door. 

She has improved at it so much, skyrocketing right past the level that Papi used to play at. The notes rang out at such a pace that I could barely keep track of where the song was going, up, down, fast, slow, loud, soft. 

The rhythms flew through the house and I didn't register the warm liquid slipping down my face until it fell with a splat into my lap. 

It is painful to realise how much I have missed; how much I miss her. 

Her playing is mesmerising and I could feel the emotion that radiates from her and her piano. 

It used to be Papi's, but now it is hers.

Because she has grown up into such a talented person and our father would be so proud of her. 

Me, I don't think he would be so proud of. 

And I hate myself because of it. 

The song broke down into soft chords and if I strained my ears I could hear her quiet whimpers. But I can't comfort her any more. 

No matter how much I want to. 

She will not be comforted by me. She doesn't want me there to comfort her. 

So I creep down the stairs and leave. I drive back to my apartment, back to Olga. 

At this point, I am used to the constant stream of water on my face. 

But there is nobody to blame but myself. 

~~~~~~

The next few weeks were equally as painful, despite Olga's efforts to lighten me up. My mood was down when I woke up in the mornings, and only got worse after training, seeing Elena light up when she spoke to my friends but escape every room I entered, cowering when I glanced over at her, leaving conversations as soon as I joined them. 

It's like she is scared of me, intimidated by me. I hate it. 

Mapi was silent in rehab, which is a big change from the constant stream of chatter I am used to. I don't think she knows what to say to me anymore, knowing what I have done. 

I wouldn't know what to say to me either. 

It is Vicky approaches me one day after training. We are all sat in the changing rooms when wanders over and asks for help with her homework. It is maths, and I tell her with a laugh that I will be no help at all, but she persists, opening her book and pointing at the maths equations, confusion written all over her face. 

I help her as much as I can, laughing at the drawings she has scrawled out on her page, explaining the trigonometry to her as she stares at me intensely. It takes a while, but she gets it eventually, finally answering a question correctly. 

"Nice, Vicky! So much better, so quickly!" 

Mapi stands up from across the room, grabbing her bag and storming out of the room, slamming the door behind her. 

From where they are sitting in quiet conversation, my sister and Aitana look up at the door, their eyes scanning the room. Aitana's eyes land on me first and she rolls them dramatically, shaking her head in what looks like disgust. 

"Vicky, I did that yesterday. I can help you." 

Elena's voice is level, but I can see confusion in her eyes at the scene that had just unfolded. 

Vicky sighs in relief, closing her book and walking across the room to Elena. 

"I forgot you were smart!" She beams, plonking herself down on the seat beside my sister and they both dive into the world of mathematics. 

Aitana is standing up by now, her bag over her shoulder. 

"Alexia, can I speak to you outside?" Her voice is steady as she continues. "There is something wrong with my dribbling and I would like some help."

It is a lie and everyone knows it. There is never anything wrong with Aitana's dribbling. 

But I pick up my bag, following the shorter midfielder out the door, immediately faced by Mapi who stands there, anger all over her face. 

"What the hell are you doing?" Her voice is low and her words come out as a whisper, full of venom. Full of anger. 

It is something I am not used to from Mapi and it takes me off guard. My hesitance gives her the chance to continue.

"Helping Vicky Lopez with her maths when you don't have the first clue whether Elena is even at school. Elena, your sister."

"She goes to school." 

My voice is full of confidence, but Mapi is right, I don't even know how she manages to fit it all in. I don't know the first thing about her timetable. 

She rolls her eyes, scoffing. 

"Do you understand just how much damage you have done?"

I nod, inhaling and exhaling deeply. 

"She hates me, I know. I have ruined everything. It is all my fault."

Mapi nods, but it is Aitana who speaks next. 

"She doesn't even hate you, Alexia. It just shows how much she loves you. You have done all this and she still loves you, still would do absolutely anything to get your approval, your attention."

I blink to stop the tears and bite the insides of my mouth to stop it from trembling. 

"She has been begging for you to notice how hard she has been working. How well she is doing. But you do not, you don't see her, it is like you are blind! And then Vicky Lopez gets a maths question right and you give her more praise than you give Elena for being selected in this team, for working hard, for being so, so incredible." 

If Aitana wasn't whispering to keep this conversation from the ears of the people in the room we just left, she would be fully yelling, her face red and her eyes narrow. 

"She is perfect, Alexia, and it is so sad because you just can't see it, you can't see how good she is, how smart, how kind, caring. And it makes me so, so angry because you have changed her so much in the past few years, and not in a good way."

Mapi puts her hand on Aitana's arm, trying to get her to stop. Mapi knows me well, and knows when I am about to break. 

But the usually stoic midfielder has tears in her eyes when she continues, her voice softening and breaking at the same time. 

"She was such a happy little girl, so excited by everything. She loves you so much and she always looked up to you. But now she is insecure, she is lonely, isolated. She is confused and feels like she needs to fight for validation every day. Everyone has pressure on them in this team, especially when they are young, new blood. Coming from La Masia and the B team you should know this, Alexia. You should know about the pressure better than anyone because I do too. But your sister? She has it worse than anyone because she has all that, but she is your sister. Alexia Putellas, two time Ballon d'Or winner. She has to live up to that in some way and is trying to hard to do it without anyone's help. She is only 15, Alexia. 15."

Aitana stops, but I am not sure whether it is because she has nothing more to say or if it is because she is too upset. She is silenced by weak tears, shaking her head as Mapi places a soft arm around her shoulder. 

"She is right, Alexia." Mapi's voice is soft and she looks at me with that same concerned glint in her eye. "And I don't know what is going on with you, but whatever it is, it needs to be fixed. You have made some significant damage and if you don't do something about it, it will all become irreparable."

"I don't know what to do." It is a cry for help, and it is all I can say without letting my tears escape from me once more. 

Because Aitana's words are nothing I don't know, but the fact that she is saying them, that she feels the need to tell me all that, is enough to tell me that it is not clear to anyone that I already know. 

Because I have been a bad sister, I am not denying it. 

And I am guilty, I feel absolutely terrible. 

Mami said to leave her alone, let her come to me, but I don't think that was her best advice any more, because my sister is struggling. 

She is struggling and I am only making it worse. 

But I can't do anything about it. 

When she was little, she would be the person I would go to when I needed to be cheered up. She would make me smile, laugh, feel better about myself and the world around me. Her small arms would wrap around me, her chubby fingers would wipe my tears from my face and she would chatter and giggle into my ears until I was smiling again. 

She was the light in our household when Papi died, but I think that was partially because she didn't understand what was happening. 

We avoided his study like it had the plague, she would go and sit on the piano stall, practicing the songs he had taught her. 

She gave us endless cuddles, basking in our attention, her heart set on making us feel better, on putting a smile back on our faces. 

She made the darkest time of our lives bearable, she helped me get through the hardest times of my life. 

And this... this is how I repay her. 

"Ale... Alexia? Ale." Mapi's hand is on my shoulder and Aitana looks at me curiously. 

"Stop, just... stop." My voice is soft, and Mapi's eyes soften as I slide down the wall behind me. "I just... I don't know what to do."

Mapi sits down beside me, perhaps thinking that maybe she had been too harsh. 

"I had Elena over yesterday." Mapi's voice is quiet. "She said... she said she misses you, Alexia. And that... she said you told her you were going to take a step back. She thinks you already did. She doesn't want that. She just wants you."

"But I have ruined everything, Maria. This is all my fault." A singular tear finds itself on my cheek and Mapi places an arm around me. 

"You're right, you made so many mistakes. But I know you, I know you love her. She means everything to you. And she loves you as well, Ale. I know you two can get through this, but she is struggling to stay afloat with all this pressure and no support. Aitana and I... we need to look out for her because your Mami works all the time and she doesn't want to burden Alba with her problems and ruin her life. We need to be there for her at the moment because the poor girl is crumbling."

I wish she would realise that I am crumbling too. 

Olga is always there to hold me, to calm me down, but as much as she tries, she can't understand what is going on with Elena. She doesn't know Elena, which I know is my fault. 

But Mami is angry with me, so is Alba. For good reason. 

And Mapi is my best friend, but she needs to be there for Elena. 

All I want to do is cry out for help, but I know I can not because I caused it. 

"I am taking Elena out this afternoon." Aitana speaks up from where she has been stood silently. "I will talk to her again, we will work on it. I'm going to go now, but Alexia, if you need to, you can talk to any one of us."

I nod at her, trying to muster a smile onto my face as she walks back into the changing room. 

"Mapi, you are my best friend." 

She nods. 

"You will be honest?"

She nods again. 

"Do you think this is fixable? Do you think I've ruined my chance of ever getting my Lena back?" 

She rests her head on my shoulder. 

"I hope so. I miss seeing the smiles on both of your faces and truthfully, I don't think that Elena will thrive here if she keeps going on like this. She needs support, from you, your Mami and your sister and I don't really think she is getting it."

"But Mami and Alba are there for her!" I find myself getting defensive of my family. 

"I know they are, but she needs more than that at the moment. She has been skipping school because nobody is home to tell her to go to it, she has been skipping meals because nobody is home to eat with her. She doesn't sleep properly, she doesn't eat properly. It is not your mother's fault that she has to work, or Alba's fault that Elena doesn't want to burden her, but she needs more support than she is getting." 

My brain is telling me that Mapi is wrong, that my sister is fine, that my family is fine. But in my heart, I know she is right. And it makes me feel sick. 

Because if it wasn't for me being such a terrible sister, such a terrible person, Elena would not be struggling so much. She would not need Mami or Alba as much as she does, she would be thriving in this environment. 

But she is not. 

The pressure is something I only really felt when I got older, when I had thicker skin. I had a force of people around me to fall back on, to get support from. But Elena has so much pressure building on her at 15, with less experience, with less people to support her. 

And the pressure will keep building and building on top of her, until it is so high that everything falls over, falling down on top of her until she breaks. 

As if reading my mind, Mapi continues after her pause. 

"And if she does crumble under all this pressure, she will need so much support. Aitana and I will be there for her, if nobody else is."

~~~~~~ hope you enjoyed :)

Will probably be back to elena's perspective next chapter, just thought it'd be easier to write this in a different one

part VI

[sexilene]

can i request a boynextdoor!jj x girlnextdoor!reader? anything you wanna do with that! thanks youuu!!!

(sorry about any spelling mistakes lol) #yummmmmm!!!! just a little boynextdoor!jj x girlnextdoor!reader thought ⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖ ࣪

messing around with the boy next door is nothing short of amazing, messing around while your parents weren’t home, watching him get all sweaty doing yard work from your window, playing footsies under the table when your family invites the neighborhood for a big ol’ dinner, and, sneaking him in through your window at night just to sleep in each other’s arms…

jj was pretty sure, no, 100% sure that he loved you and felt like a lucky son of bitch to have you even more so because you were so close by. you too would call on the phone when you couldn’t have him climbing through the window at night but sometimes his phone just wouldn’t work or would get shut off due to his dad not paying the bill. at some point, he couldn't rely on technology to communicate with you so he spent one afternoon making a little basket string pulley system that connected both windows. this way you were able to send each other little notes that were mostly just a bunch of i love you’s, horny thoughts, and promises of running away together.

jj had also convinced you to learn the flashlight morse code as well as his own “flashlight code” which sort of heals his inner child, acting like spies that could only communicate through light code.

“two flashes means yes and one means no…flash then stop and then long flash means i’m hard.” he points to the page, gesturing for you to write it down in your notebook to help you remember.

“uh huh…” you don’t even question it and write it down.

there are times when your parents find out you've been “messing around with that no good maybank boy” and ground you, forbidding you to see him, so in times like those you are grateful for your little notes system, sending him lipstick kiss marks, your clothes doused in your perfume or what you call little “treats”.

dear jayjay,

sometimes when i miss you and can’t sneak you in, i put the t-shirt you left here on and dream of you being here with me and re-read your little notes. i know you still have trouble expressing your feelings but i love you anyways

sometimes when i can see your light still on i sit on my bed and play with myself, rub my pussy through my panties thinking of you…wishing it was you, rubbing my clit like you showed me and kissing me.

since im grounded and can’t risk seeing you right now i wanted to give you my panties to help you out with my absence, i wrote your name on them and i came thinking of you (that’s why it's all sticky lol) so it's yours now! i love you jay! ﾒ𝟶ﾒ𝟶!!

and jj very much appreciates the little gift because that night he’s licking and smelling the little watch patch on the fabric like a perv, using them to fist his throbbing hard cock thinking of you.

“fuck- shit baby…smell so fuckin’ good,” he grits through his teeth, eyes closed imagining you bouncing up and down on his cock whining with tears streaming down your face.

“love you s-so much,” jj’s eyes open to look out his window over to watch your silhouette move around in your dimly lit room, he’s grunting out a “fuck fuck fuck!” and fisting his dick faster leading him to spill out globs of hot cum all over your ruined panties.

[silverflqmes]

Okay hear me out, may I request Cloud x reader fluff where we spend lovely spring morning together? Nothing nsfw just pure comfort, our cat laying in bed with us, laziness at it finest.

Off the topic I really adore your work! I'm quite new to ffvii, basically I've just started playing, but your work made me fall head over heels for Cloud haha. Anyway have a good day!

໒⦂ 𝐌𝐎𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐃𝐄𝐖.

notes. hello! thank you so much for the request and the kind words akajsks i’m still fairly new to ff7 myself, but i’m glad to have amplified your love for it and cloud<3 the cat saga continues✨ i did something experimental here so it’s a little shorter, but i hope it’s okay :’)

genre. fluff + comfort

disclaimer. before any confusion arises.. sora is the name of your cat, who was first mentioned in this post if you are eager to see more of her!

cloud strife x gn!reader.

sora’s purring joins the gentle whistle sung by the breeze that swept through the bedroom window, chiffon curtains dancing to the soft tune like delicate petals.

cloud couldn’t remember the last time he’d had a taste of spring weather — of bitter cold melting into tender warmth.

the change of seasons was hardly ever noticeable without trees to flourish the busy streets with life, lakes to freeze over at the gradual drop of temperature, and flowers to splash the otherwise monochrome edge with color in the spring.

perhaps, it made the planet worth saving after all. to have been rewarded for his efforts at the very end with the beauty of the world, along with his beloved partner.. and a feline friend.

your chest rose and fell with breath, quietly, but surely, eyes fluttered shut. an unspoken trust, which your boyfriend treasured more than he could verbally express.

it was too early to even be up right now for most people.. but cloud, unfortunately, had to represent his little company as its only delivery guy and employee within the next two hours.

he fought back an annoyed sigh at the mental reminder of it.. only to remember that you had still been fast asleep.

any indicative sound that threatened to portray his irritation and spill from his lips all but melted away, falling completely silent on his tongue. because how could he possibly ruin the serene image of you all bundled up and cozy.

the exasperated exhale died all together in the stream of his windpipe as his features relaxed once more in repose.

normally he preferred taking up long distant deliveries by himself, but on this particular occasion, the client happened to live in your seaside hometown — costa del sol. a place that was untouched by the unpleasant smog of edge, and instead painted in a kaleidoscope of vibrant coats.. rather than a trillion shades of gray.

a shift in movement made his mako tinted sapphires flash just briefly before sliding to your stirring form.

his ears caught a jumbled, almost incoherent murmur ( were it not for his amplified hearing ) and cloud wondered to himself for a moment what dreams had joined you in your slumber. something lovely, he hoped, a gentle caress to your conscience.. and not the nightmares that haunted him until dawn on some evenings.

moonless nights when cloud thought too hard for comfort, let alone decent rest.

although, those had been few now. infrequent, thankfully, all because of your solace-filled presence — pressed into his chest.. and the light nuzzling of your calico kitty tucked into his side.

a silent, meow-less request for breakfast.. or maybe not. maybe it was just to ask cloud to stay a little while longer, and enjoy that which he could not back in edge.

waking up to unsullied air- a mixture of floral aromas and the soft, but welcome dripping of morning dew traveling from petal to petal, was.. sadly a rarity, the former infantryman realized.

which is why he found himself sinking into the pillows and duvets in submission, allowing darkness to greet his eyes for another round of sleep. two hours were more than enough to get dressed and to his destination. so truly, all he needed was thirty minutes to be dressed and out of your childhood home.

the hour and a half remaining could blissfully go to cuddling you a little while longer, all else drowning into background noise as he would slip further and further, deeper and deeper. surrendering himself completely to your warm company, the serendipitous quiet, and spring morn.

notes. okay this is way shorter than what i normally write, but i hope it’s still good😭 not much dialogue, just cloud being soft and at ease for a change ahaha

↳ return to main masterlist . request rules . send an ask

[ceilidho]

Earlier this week I was hooked on possessive best friend Soap and today I'm hooked onto ex-husband Price, I didn't even consider myself a Price girl up until now but the thought of him "spending the night" after the game and tiring out his poor ex wife so much that she ends up sleeping in and waking up to her ex husband making toast for the kids, the kids will run up and say how happy they are that dad stayed the night and helped make breakfast for them and Price turns around and hands her a cup of coffee just how she likes it with the most cockiest smrik even IM SO HOOKED! 😫

It ruins your mood every single time because you keep trying to establish rules to make the divorce work and it's not even fully Price's fault that they keep getting torn down because you're just letting it happen.

You let him stay the night because the two of you had accompanied the boys to a birthday party turned sleepover (but you never let the boys sleep over at someone else's house, so you just let them stay over until later than usual) and the two of you were just exhausted. Even John looked beat, and you know he's used to going days and weeks without sleeping properly in the military.

And maybe you felt something ache in you when you thought about him going back to his apartment, all alone in the middle of the night. Quiet except for the sounds of the city outside. Sometimes it does keep you up at night, that he let you stay in the house with the boys and he was the one that got an apartment after you separated. He could've easily insisted on selling the house, but he knew how much you loved this house.

So you let him stay the night. And he looked exhausted before you extended the offer, but that only lasted until he had the two of you tucked away in the master bedroom (your old bedroom, where the two of you used to sleep together when he lived here) after putting the boys to bed. He must not have gotten that the invitation to sleepover meant that he would take the couch.

John seems to remember your old bedtime routine quite well. You're still so sleepy, so you let him turn you onto your belly and hoist your hips up. He opens you up on a couple thick fingers that have you gripping the bedsheets and muffling your moans into the mattress lest the boys hear. When he finally sinks into your heat, it makes your vision go white. It's been so long. It's only ever been John, but it's been a while since you last did this and the stretch is as decadent as ever. He says he's going to make a mess inside of you; that this is his job, where he's meant to be, that he'll give you another baby if that's what it takes.

You can't even find the words to answer him. Even if you could, he presses you down against the bed with a hand flat on your head.

You're all ruffled and sleep-addled the next morning. Fuzzy around the edges, like you usually are after sex. It only agitates you a little to find your ex in top spirits in the kitchen, fussing over the boys and handing you your coffee, reeling you in with a hand on the back of your nape to press a kiss to the top of your head.

[virtualreader]

broken hearts and healing souls

deanwinchesterxfem!reader

summary: carrying the ruins of the broken heart the death of his father had left behind, Dean pushes you away, fearing hurting you as well. or perhaps he’s just scared of being hurt himself, one more time.

word count: 3,3k. (does not include lyrics)

warnings: alleged age gap, fierce anger, heated argument, drinking out of spite, supressed feelings, cursing, yelling, not the happiest end, and lots and lots of angst.

part 2

a/n: i started watching supernatural about a month ago and I'm loving it so far. and god, i couldn't help but fall truly, madly, deeply in love with dean winchester. this scenario came to my mind while listening someone to stay - vancouver sleep clinic, so this one shot is based on this song. feedback is always appreciated. please, comment if you think I should write a part 2 to this one!

"You can't boss me around, Dean! I'm not a child anymore!" you barked at the hunter standing by the motel room's door.

"I can't? Watch me!" Dean retorted, breathing heavily and extending his arms upward to appear bigger. "As the eldest here, it's my call to make the hard decisions. And I've decided that you won't come on any more hunts, end of story. You're risking your life out there—it's dangerous, y/n. What's not clear about that?!"

You and Dean had been arguing for a while. He came into the motel room the three of you—Sam, Dean and yourself—were forced to share, stringently declaring you were not allowed to go with them on hunts anymore.

After the previous mission ended with you being kidnapped by the demon you were after and tied to a chair in an old building's basement, the oldest brother wasted no time in making a decision. Despite your eagerness to rid the world of evil, Dean prioritized your safety, even if you didn't see it that way.

Dean Winchester was an undaunted and confident man, he had been since his mother died, he had to be, for his family's sake, for his own sake. Yet, when it came to you, potential bad outcomes constantly assaulted his mind. He could not afford to lose another loved one, so he did not take a gamble.

"It is my life that I am endangering, so I strongly believe that I get to choose whether I want to expose myself to hunting hazards or not. You are not my dad and cannot give me orders, Winchester!" you declared, raising your voice with anger and trembling as you pointed your index finger at him.

You were hurt and confused. Hunting had been your life for as long as you could remember and now he was taking that away from you. You tried to plead your case, but he had already made up his mind.

In response to your defiance, Dean raised his chin, pursed his lips, and clenched his jaw. Yet, even in his anger, he maintained steady eye contact with you. It was clear he was not going to back down easily.

“You don’t get it, do you?” he queried exasperated. “That demon back there, could have killed you, and you know that. This is not some inoffensive deer we’re going after.”

He was undoubtedly referring to the incident that happened earlier that day, when he was able to free you from the grasp of the demon. It was the same demon that mercilessly took your father’s life, leaving you fatherless at the tender age of twelve and subsequently placed under the care of the Winchesters.

Growing up with them, you learned to navigate the dangerous world of hunting and the supernatural. From hours-long road trips and campfires to cozy movie-evenings and pancake Sundays, your memories with your new family included a wide variety of experiences that left a lasting impact on you.

The bond you formed with the Winchesters was one built on mutual respect and a shared purpose, making them more than just your guardians; they were your family, and you were theirs.

"God, what a pig-headed dude you are," you muttered, oozing frustration, as you let out a peeved sigh. "So you, old man, can risk being killed by these heartless creatures, but I can't? Is it just because I'm younger than you guys? ‘Cause I already told you, I am as much of an adult as you are.”

Clearly, you would not be swayed by Dean's demands. You were your own person, with your own will and your own desires. You were determined to stand up for yourself and live your life on your own terms.

He took a moment to observe your bruised appearance as he pondered his answer. The blood that had previously emerged from the wound above your eyebrow was already dry, while the cut on your lip was still struggling to form a scab.

He noticed the swelling around your left eye, a tell-tale sign of the force of the blow that had landed on your face. And as he looked at you, he could not help but feel responsible for your emaciated state.

"If you're such an adult, you'll be fine on your own. You don't need me, do you?" the hunter sassed back, towering over you, tilting his head and upturning his brows.

Dean's words hurt you deeply, and you felt tears welling up in your eyes. But you refused to let him see you cry. You straightened your back and met his gaze with a fierce determination.

"Do you want me to leave?” you said, your voice shaking a little. “Fine. If that's what you want, I'll leave. But don't expect me to come back."

You walked past him, feeling his eyes on your back. You didn't turn around, didn't give in to the urge to look at him again. You needed to be strong, to show him that you could make it on your own. But deep down, you knew that you didn't want to be alone. You needed Dean, more than you wanted to admit.

"Hey, girl!" you called out to the waitress, raising your voice above the noise of the tavern to get her attention. "Can I get a refill, please?”

You were alone, left out in the cold Clinging to the ruin of your broken home Too lost and hurting to carry your load We all need someone to hold

As you waited for your drink, you couldn't help but replay the argument with Dean in your mind. You felt hurt and betrayed by his words. You were mad at him for not understanding your desire to be by his side, no matter the risks.

You were lost in thought when a voice snapped you out of your reverie.

"Rough night?" inquired a gold-haired man as he took a seat on the adjoining stool.

The man seemed to be a bit younger than Dean, possibly in his mid-twenties, closer to your own age. He wore a white crewneck t-shirt that hugged his muscular arms around the biceps, and his dark slim fit jeans matched the black pattern printed on his shirt's front.

It was difficult to determine whether it was the effect of the second-rate alcohol or your personal taste in men, but it was safe to say he was far from unattractive and he was, in fact, quite handsome.

"You could say so." you answered his question with a touch of apathy but still flashed a slight smile his way.

You've been fighting the memory, all on your own Nothing worsens, nothing grows I know how it feels being by yourself in the rain We all need someone to stay We all need someone to stay

The man took a slow, deliberate sip from his beer bottle and leaned back, his eyes fixed intently on you. His gaze seemed to linger for a moment, as if he were trying to gauge your reaction to what he had just said.

"You know," he said, his voice low and suggestive, "I can make it better for you, pretty."

The words hung in the air between you, heavy with meaning. You felt a flush of heat rise to your cheeks at the man's brazen suggestion, and you couldn't help but feel a little intrigued by his offer.

You glanced around the dimly lit tavern, taking in the smoky air and the clinking of glasses. It was the kind of place where people came to drown their sorrows and forget about the troubles of the day-to-day life. And in that moment, you couldn't help but feel like you were just another lost soul adrift in the sea of humanity.

The man's eyes were still fixed on you, his expression unreadable. He seemed to be waiting for your response, as if he knew that his offer had the power to change the course of your night—or maybe even your life.

You took a deep breath and met his gaze head-on, feeling a sense of daring that you hadn't felt in a long time.

"And how, exactly, do you plan on doing that?" you asked, your voice tinged with a hint of amusement.

The man smiled, a slow, confident grin that sent a shiver down your spine.

"Let's just say that I know a thing or two about making a woman feel good," he replied, his voice dripping with innuendo.

It was abundantly clear what his intentions were at this point in time, and to be entirely candid, it did not annoy you at all.

You eagerly accepted the charming man's alluring offer. And with a sense of anticipation, you followed him out of the sleazy bar, seeking shelter from the gentle patter of the light rain under the protective eaves.

As you walked alongside him, you found yourself captivated by his confident stride and the way his eyes sparkled in the dim light emanating from the street lamps.

You could feel his hand slowly making its way towards your hip, until it rested there, just barely grazing the upper part of your buttocks. This subtle touch sent a sparkling feeling coursing through your body, starting from the core and reaching all the way up to your chest. It created a warm whirlwind of expectancy, causing your heart to beat faster in anticipation.

“Y/n?” a familiar voice asked, a hint of pain in it.

Hear the fallen and lonely, cry out Will you fix me up? Will you show me hope? At the end of the day you were helpless Can you keep me close? Can you love me most?

Dean narrowed his eyes, anguishedly taking in the sight in front of him.

As you stood there, drenched from the rain and your mind clouded by the alcohol, Dean's sudden appearance caught you off guard. He was directly facing you, his eyes locked onto yours, and you could see the pain and anger etched upon his features.

"What the hell are you doing here, y/n?" Dean asked incredulously, his voice laced with anger and hurt. “And who the fuck is that jerk?”

You froze, feeling a wave of guilt wash over you. You had been so caught up in your own emotions that you hadn't even considered how your actions might affect Dean.

You've drunk it down and you've spat it out And nothing tastes like the things you had So tear it off, why don't you let them go? We all need someone to stay We all need someone to stay

"I didn't know she was taken, mate. I didn't mean to meddle in your relationship," the guy standing next to you apologized, his voice trembling as Dean's contempting gaze threatened to pierce his soul. Green eyes—usually a symbol of grace—had never held such a look of hatred. “She’s all yours, mate.”

Once the man marched back into the tavern, with tail between legs, the hunter’s emerald orbs landed on you. And as he beamed down at you, you noticed how much woe his gaze held. He wasn’t someone to let his emotions surface, not at all, that would leave his feelings too exposed, too unguarded.

He didn't seem to mind the rain dribbling over his leather jacket or his well-styled hair as he approached you. Although you had a defiant demeanor, you took a step backward in response, and your back met the wall covered in graffiti.

“Thought you said ‘I’d be fine on my own’.” you tried to sound confident as you quoted him, yet the alcohol running through your veins caused your words to slur together.

"Yeah, I said on your own! Not with some opportunistic macho man!" he said, referring to your previous companion.

He looked at you with a mixture of disbelief and anger, his eyes scanning your face as if he was trying to find some kind of explanation for what he was seeing.

And then, his anger boiled over, and he let out a shout that echoed through the empty streets. "No way. Are you fucking drunk?!" he yelled. "Are you nuts?!"

The force of his outburst hit you like a physical blow, and you could feel your heart racing in your chest. You had never seen Dean like this before, and it was clear that he was at his breaking point.

For a moment, the two of you just stood there, staring at each other in silence, the rain pouring down around you like a curtain. And then, slowly, you began to speak, your words tumbling out of you in a jumbled mess.

"You're one to talk. You, my dear friend, are the very reason I'm here, drinking my sorrows away." you scoffed at him.

Your eyes darted around, looking at anything but Dean. You felt intimidated—what with Dean’s tall figure and the disappointment you could discern in his expression.

“Drinking won’t solve anything, y/n. You know better than this.”

"Do I really?” you uttered, struggling to keep at bay your wobbly lip. “Last time I checked, I was just a kid to you.”

Hear the fallen and lonely, cry out Will you fix me up? Will you show me hope? At the end of the day we're helpless Can you keep me close? Can you love me most? Can you keep me close? Can you love me most? Can you keep me close? Can you love me most?

As the rain continued to fall, the rhythmic clattering of the water drops mixed with the sound of cars cruising over the wet pavement, creating an overwhelming melody.

The droplets seemed to grow in size and force. You welcomed the heavier rain, grateful for the way it obscured the tears that threatened to overflow from your eyes.

You knew that if he saw you crying, he would only see you as weak and immature, even more than he already saw you. You had always been strong and independent, and you didn't want him to think any less of you.

So you stood there, letting the rain soak into your clothes and hair, hoping that it would wash away the pain and sorrow you felt inside.

“I don’t think of you as a kid. I just prefer you staying away from those creatures. You know better than anyone what that demon is capable of. It killed your father, and you could’ve died today too, y/n!”

“Do not act like you care! And do not dare mentioning my dad ever again! You are too self-centered to take others’ needs into account.”

With a trembling voice, you lashed out at Dean, your emotions running high and your patience wearing thin. You couldn't stand the way Dean tried to control your life, always telling you what to do and what not to do.

You had grown up fast in the world of hunting, learning to fend for yourself and to take care of others. You had seen things that most people couldn't even imagine, and you had faced danger and death head-on. You were not some delicate flower that needed to be protected at all costs.

And yet, Dean seemed to think otherwise. He was always trying to shield you from harm, even if it meant keeping you from doing what you loved most.

"Do you even hear yourself, Dean?" you continued, your voice rising with every word. "You act like you're the only one who knows what's best for me. You don't trust me to make my own decisions, although I've been hunting just as long as you have. You're so wrapped up in your own fears and insecurities that you can't see how much you're hurting me."

"You're part of my family now, and as such, I must protect you," Dean declared, helplessness building up inside his chest. "Why do you find it so hard to understand?”

You were alone, left out in the cold Clinging to the ruin of your broken home Hear the falling and lonely, cry out Will you fix me up? Will you show me hope? The end of the day and we're helpless Can you keep me close? Can you love me?

“I-…Just…leave me alone. Please, Dean.”

And it was then when, acting on your most primitive impulses, you took off, walking away from Dean with no determined destination.

It was not that you were afraid of Dean, no, you had spent too many years among the Winchesters to know he would never voluntarily hurt you, at least not physically. You found him sort of intimidating, more like it.

It was well known among the Winchesters' acquaintances that Dean, although not often, could become livid if you pressed the right buttons. And no one would ever want that fatal rage to be directed at them, unless they wanted to know what hell felt like.

However, the emotion the hunter was feeling now was not anger. It was something else, something both mysterious and intriguing. Although his muscles remained tight, his eyes shone with unshed tears, and a pinched expression was plastered on his face.

You fought against the urge to turn back and run into his embrace, to apologize to him and leave this dispute behind. It was a struggle to hold onto your never-so-fragile pride when your love for him had never felt as powerful as it did now. Not since you had first fallen in love with him, at least, back when you were a silly, naive teenager.

A hand grabbed firmly onto your arm, forcing you into a halt. You did not have the courage to turn around and face him with a trail of tears cascading over your cheeks, even if the drizzling rain disguised it somewhat. There was no need for that, however, when he began speaking, not waiting for you to look at him.

"I'm sorry, y/n," he apologized in a small voice, unaccustomed to saying such words. "I didn't mean to push you away. I... I don't know what I'd do if anything happened to you. I'm scared, y/n. Scared of losing you like I lost my father, like I lost my mother," Dean confessed, his voice softening, dropping in pitch.

You turned to look at him, really look at him, and saw the pain and fear written in his face.

You felt a lump form in your throat at the raw emotion in Dean's words. You had always known that he cared about you, but you had never realized just how much you meant to him.

"Dean," you said, stepping closer to him and placing a hand on his arm. "I'm not going to die. I'm strong, and I know how to take care of myself. But I need you to trust me. I need you to let me make my own decisions, even if it means taking risks sometimes."

You stopped, taking a big deep breath before continuing.

“What you said back at the motel, it hurt me, a lot. I have nothing left, Dean. My family is dead, I have no place to stay, no job, no nothing. I’ve lost everything.”

“You have me.” He took a step towards you, getting closer, and caressed your feathery cheek with his large hand. “You always have and always will have me.”

Hear the fallen and lonely, cry out Will you fix me up? Will you show me hope? At the end of the day we're helpless Can you keep me close? Can you love me most? Can you keep me close? Can you love me most? Can you keep me close? Can you love me most?

Dean wiped away a tear from your cheek, his thumb tracing your skin softly. "I'm sorry for pushing you away, y/n. I was just so afraid of losing you. But I promise, from now on, I'll trust you to make your own decisions. We'll face everything together, as a team."

A turmoil of heartfelt emotions whirled its way down to your very core as Dean's words sank in. And, as you looked up at him, you saw the love and devotion in his eyes, and you felt grateful like never before to the Winchesters for taking you in.

Seizing the proximity, you took a moment to admire him. The softness on his eyes only adding to his already perfectly alluring features. The green orbs standing out his face had never shone as bright, and his nose glowed as red as his eyes, probably from the cold air of the drizzly night.

Yet the part you spent the longest time observing was his lips. Sultry pouty lips, that rested slightly parted.

And as if in a dream, he leaned in intertwining his lips with yours in a genuine kiss. Sliding the hand that previously laid on your cheek to the back of your neck, bringing you nearer to his own body.

His grip was both firm and steady, but no less gentle, just so as if he never wanted to let go of you. Your movements kept in step with each other's, as your mouths melted in a much-needed dance.

None of you cared about the rain soaking your clothes or the idling engine of the precious impala of Dean’s, nor about the small crowd by the tavern’s entrance looking at you. You were in a deep immersion into the depths of the moment, and all you saw, all you could regard was the man in front of you - the man you’ve always loved.

The idyllic moment was short-lived, much to your dismay, as Dean pulled away and apprehensively took a step backwards. But the pain you felt then was nothing compared to the stabbing sensation in your heart when he opened his mouth to speak again.

"I'm sorry. This was a mistake."

part 2

[lucisfavoritedemon]

Through The Portal: Chapter 2

Series Masterlist

Chapter Summary: The strange girl slowly begins to reveal her secret past and her true connection to the brothers, and her terrifying encounters with Bill Cipher.

Pairing(s): Stan x platonic!reader, Ford x platonic!reader, Bill x reader

Warnings: flashback, mentions of torture, angst, fluff, mentions of hopelessness, unrequited love, self confidence issues. Age gap (reader looks 21).

A/N: The events and ideas are based on a theory I have about the Nightmare Realm. This is in no way canonically true, just my theories based on what we canonically know about the Nightmare Realm.

The next couple of days were a bit weird. I didn’t sleep very well as thoughts of waking up in that dreaded world again ran through my mind. I hardly slept when I was in that dimension, and now sleep seemed to be something unfamiliar to me. It was strange not having to sleep with one eye open anymore. My body felt uneasy about it.

Mabel being the good hearted person she seemed, showed me around the house. She made sure I could make my way around easily and not have to worry about being awkward. She was a good hearted person, and definitely seemed like she had a heart of gold.

I noticed Stan had avoided me after his comment about me not changing a single bit. It was true though, I freaked myself out when I first looked into a mirror. Still looking like the 21 year old girl who disappeared 40 years ago.

I didn’t get stuck on that fact very long though, the thing I got stuck on was what he called me. Toots. A pet name I haven’t heard in a very long time. I felt like maybe this comment was also the reason he was avoiding me. It probably felt weird for him to call me that again after so long. I couldn’t imagine what was going through his mind though, what happened to me all those years ago? He probably thought I ran out on him after promising to stick with him after everything he had been through.

I walked along the beach trying to find scraps of metal, or plastic that could have washed up on shore. That’s when I noticed a man walking around with a metal detector. I decided to approach him wondering what wonders of the world he was looking for.

“Hello.” I smiled as I walked up to him.

“Oh, uh, hey.” He smiled back, taken aback a bit by my kindness.

“What ya doing with the metal detector? Find anything interesting?” I questioned.

“I’m searching for gold, but I haven’t found anything yet.”

“Gold? Not necessarily impossible, but very difficult here on the beach to find. Uless, you know you find a gold earring, necklace, or ring.”

“Huh?”

“And what are you doing looking for gold anyways?”

“I’m trying to make a fortune.”

“A fortune? Why?”

“You ask a lot of questions, don’t you?”

“So I’ve been told. I can’t help it. I naturally have a curious mind.”

“I can tell. It’s none of your business anyways.”

I looked him over, sensing a sort of sadness with him, “something happened and you owe someone money.”

His eyes widened, “can you read minds?”

I giggle, “no, but I’ve been told I can read people pretty well.”

“I’ll say. Yeah, I may or may not have ruined my brother’s chances of going to his dream school and making millions of dollars. My pa kicked me out because of it, and I’m determined not to go back till I make a fortune.”

“Woah, sadder than I thought it would be. Well, if you need a place to stay while you go on your mission to make millions, I have a spare room you can use. My parents' house is big enough, and they won’t mind.”

“A-are you sure?”

“It’s the least I could do. You look like you could use a friend in this lonely world, and I want to offer my friendship to you.He smiles and nods, reaching his hand out, “name’s Stanley.”

I smile and take his hand to shake, “nice to meet you Stanley, I’m Y/n.”

I walked downstairs trying to remember where the kitchen was. My nightmare last night disorienting me worse than they ever had. I walk in to see Stan making breakfast and the kids sitting at the table whispering to each other. That was till Mabel noticed I was standing there.

“Y/n! You’re awake!” She beamed as Stan froze in place.

“Morning Mabel, Dipper, Stanley.” I greeted everyone.

“Just Stan is fine, thank you.” He kept making breakfast, an unenthused look on face.

“Sorry, Stan.”

I walked over and sat at the table. I looked out the window at the woods surrounding the house. It wasn’t long till my gaze was yanked back towards the kids as they were staring at me. Mabel was smiling, and Dipper looked like he had a billion questions for me.

“So, did you and Grunkle Ford go through the portal together? Or how did you and Grunkle Ford meet?” Mabel broke the silence.

“O-oh, um…we met when he went into the portal. I didn’t meet Stanford until he went through the portal..”

“What was in there anyways? How long have you been in there?”

“Those are hefty questions, I…” I started to speak when Stan walked over with plates of pancakes.

“And ones that should remain unanswered.” Stan spoke, “I’m surprised you’re not helping my brother in the basement anyway.”

“Wh-what would I help with?”

“I’m sure Ford would figure something out. I think you should go ask him.” Stan stated, hinting that I shouldn’t be interacting with the kids. “Come on, I’ll show you where the basement door is.” He offered, gently guiding me out of the kitchen.

“Stan, what’s going on?”

“I don’t want you around the kids. Whatever happened to you there, it was unnatural. I don’t need them figuring out you’re supposed to be like 60.”

“You don’t think I know that? I understand that I’m a freak, but you don’t need to point it out. You have no idea what I went through, and how difficult it was to survive.”

“If it was that hard, why did you go through your darn portal in the first place?”

“I didn’t mean to.”

“Sure you didn’t.”

“Something went wrong Stan! I didn’t want to leave you. There was a malfunction, and I got sucked in. I’ve spent 40 years trying to survive hoping to get back to you, but I guess that doesn’t matter.” We stop at the entrance to the gift shop of the Mystery Shack, “I know where I’m going from here.” I say and walk through the door to the gift shop. I open the vending machine door and head down to the basement.

Stan had no right to judge me like that. He had no idea what I went through, how hard I tried to find a way back to him, but that didn’t matter to him apparently.

“Y/n?” Stanford’s voice rang out.

“Hey…”

“What are you doing down here?”

“Stan doesn’t want me upstairs around the kids.”

“What? I thought you two were friends?”

“We were…but he thinks the fact I am unaged…if the kids find out it’ll freak them out.”

“The nightmare realm really messed you up huh?”

“You have no idea…Bill was obsessed. Would do anything to get me to reveal where you were. He went as far as manipulating my mind to look like he was torturing Stan…he knew you two were my weakness…”

“Now talk! Or Stan gets it!” Bill threatened.

“You’ve used that on me too many times, Cipher! Stan isn’t here, and I know you wouldn’t go after him in the mind!”

“Is. That. Right.” Bill squinted at me.

“I don’t know how many times I have to tell you Bill, I don’t know who this Sixer fella is.”

“To think I was starting to like you, but the lying is getting annoying.”

“I’m not lying. I don’t know who he is.”

Bill snaps his fingers making chains appear around my wrists and ankles. He makes me levitate there as one of his henchmaniacs yells to electrocute me to get me to talk. Bill laughs and suddenly my body is sent spasming as hundreds of volts of electricity surges through my body.

“To think I actually liked you. You were the first person to try to build a portal from my decaying dimension to enter yours. I would have loved for us to be partners in chaos had you succeeded. Too bad you decided to lie to me.”

Bill stops electrocuting me for a minute. My body is weak as I float there in front of Bill and his henchmaniacs. “I-I don’t know where he is…he escaped this dimension years ago…”

“And the truth comes out. Maybe you’re still useful to me afterall.”

I shot up in the chair I was sitting in, cold sweat running down my forehead. I pant heavily as I take in my surroundings. I was in the basement with Stanford. I slowly remembered I wasn’t in the night realm anymore. I looked down at my wrists still feeling like I had chains on them.

“You okay?” Stanford’s voice broke me from my thoughts.

“These nightmares are getting more and more vivid.”

Stanford looks at me knowingly. His eyes are filled with concern and guilt. I knew he felt bad leaving us refugees in the asteroid when he decided to venture out to find materials to build his weapon to defeat Bill. I never blamed him though. He only did what he felt he had to do.

“Why don’t you head upstairs. I feel the longer you’re down here, close to the portal, the more of a grasp Bill will have on you.”

I nod, “what about Stan?”

“Tell him I told you that being down here isn’t good. You need to get accustomed to society again, and being down here is not going to be any good to you.”

I nod, “thanks Stanford.”

He smiles softly, “you know, you can call me Ford if you like.”

I smile softly, “thank you, Ford.”

He nods, and goes back to doing what he was doing. I head back upstairs feeling even more disoriented than I did that morning. The nightmares hit me harder and harder each time I close my eyes. I slowly opened the door to see Stan. Mabel, and Dipper are sitting in the gift shop laughing and joking with each other.

Stan notices me and glares, “what do you need?”

“Ford said it wasn’t a good idea for me to stay down there. He wants me to try and get accustomed to society again.”

Stan rolls his eyes, “fine. If you say so.”

“Look, you can be pissed at me all you want to, but I’m sorry I left you behind. I’m sorry it took me so long, but if you had never opened that portal, I wouldn’t be back here. I realized I never thanked you for doing so. So, thank you. Thank you for bringing me back home.”

Stan’s eyes widened. He wasn’t expecting either of us to thank him. He knew what he did was idiotic and reckless. He smiled at me softly, “you’re welcome toots. I couldn’t leave you there for any longer. But, New Jersey is your home, not Gravity Falls?”

“Gravity Falls is now. It’s where my two best friends are. There’s nothing left for me in New Jersey.”

[anastasiahere]

➵ Confession..

Here, Mc (y/n) and sylus have known each other for 6 years and she had finally decided to tell him she loves him (or maybe he confesses? 🖤)

Type: fluff ♡

-Author note: English isn't my first language please excuse me if there are any mistakes. All my work is for 15 and above.

I had finally returned back to linkon city after I had to go to another city to fight wanderers there. I missed everything here. But what I actually did miss more is that bastard's face..

Who knew he was very good at comforting people. He had been more gentler to me when I was stressed about some of the wanderer fights and how I couldn't get enough sleep. He even said he would visit me but he knew he can't be seen with you. He doesn't care if he is seen but it's for my safety and job. He told me to sleep and he'll take care of the wanderers and surprisingly he did.

Every time I told myself I won't fall for him but I fricking tripped over a non-ending stair. (She kept falling forever for him, that's the meaning I want to say.)

As soon as I got off the train, linkon city's breeze hit my face. It was refreshing. As I walked to a coffee shop to get a drink for my before going home I saw a familiar face.

"Sylus!?"

"Oh hello kitten." He smiled in his usual cocky face.

He was paying for some drinks but why did he have 2 cups? Is he going to drink that alone?

"Stop staring at the cups. One is for you." He said as he gave a cup to me. His long fingers touch my seemingly smaller ones as he gave the cup to me. I couldn't help the slight blush that formed on my cheek. I'm sure sylus noticed but didn't say anything about it.

"Wait how did you know I was coming back today?" I suddenly said as I remember how weird our situation is right now.

He just smirks at me before humming in response. As I try to move my hand away from his I suddenly realize something. Our evols acted up again.

"Not again.."

"What? I thought you liked it since it recently when it does this the duration is longer."

"Shut up."

I'm pretty sure my face is almost burning right now..

"Now I have to stay at your place. I wanted to go back and relax" I whined.

"I can help you relax in many ways sweetie. One of them is my bed." He said as his face went closer to mine.

I didn't even notice that I was holding my breath until he backed away again.

I couldn't help the way my eyes hovered away from him to try to cool this burning feeling in my heart.

——————｡ ﾟ꒰ঌ ✦໒꒱ ༘*.ﾟ———————

As we sat on his bed silently as he was watching auctions on his phone, our hands still linked I couldn't help but have an idea. I wanted to try to prank him I was bored anyway. It wouldn't hurt right?

I began gradually breathing heavily. As if something was wrong with me. I tried so hard not to laugh and ruin my work.

"You alright sweetie? You are breathing heavily." He said, in a playful tone at first. But as she didn't reply and breathed even heavily, he frowns.

"Hey slow down your breathing." He said as I felt his hand on my back soothing me. My mind was going hazy, from him and from actually how I was heavily breathing. Maybe it was a bad idea-

Before I can tell him it's a prank I feel my self lifted off and on his lap. His hand surprisingly gentle as he guided my head to rest on his chest and listen to his heartbeat. It was kind of fast but I did actually slow down on my breathing involuntarily. How could I not when he is doing this?

Although my breathing slowed down, my heart did not. It almost felt as if drums were played in a rock concert. Everything around me went quiet. All my senses focused on him.

"Don't breath so heavily like that. I don't want to lose you again." He breathed against my neck. My body shivered as I felt his breath, I didnt know if I should tell him to give me some space or stay like this. But I'm sure my body wants him close. Our evol linkage seemed to glow more but both of us didn't care about it now.

"What do you mean lose me again?" I whispered. Since I felt the tension was so low I felt the need to talk in a low tone.

"Don't..mind it. Just stay quiet." He whispered back. His hand rubbed my back in a soothing matter that I felt so sleepy.

And eventually I did sleep in his arms. I have never felt this safe and comforted in a long while..

"I love you." I suddenly had the courage to tell him. I didn't think that there would be any good situation other than this to tell him.

His arms hugged me tightly.

"I love you always and forever, Y/n."

———————｡ ﾟ ꒰ঌ ✦໒꒱ ༘*.ﾟ——————

Thanks for reading :D

Please like if you liked this ^^

*Do not repost on any other place without credit.*

[morningstargirl666]

what are your top ten favorite klaroline fics?

Ooooo let me think... in no particular order:

The Lost Prince & The Eternal Queen by @3tinkgemini /3tingemini

Oh this is a beloved favourite. Caroline's a werewolf alpha and Klaus, fresh from breaking his curse, searches her pack out to turn them into hybrids. Instead of forces them to turn, Caroline makes a deal with him, teaching him what it means to be who they are, offering him a place in her pack and if by a certain amount of time her pack want to become hybrids, he may turn as many as he wishes. It's got some great lore and delves nicely into Klaus' werewolf side. I adore it.

The Stubborn Grace of Being Loved Regardless by @helpless-in-sleep / perfectpro

Also an all-time favourite, this fic is beautiful. Caroline isn't turned into a vampire and when Klaus rolls into town, she's still human. That doesn't deter his affections. AND DID I MENTION YOU GET TO SEE HIM IN WOLF FORM? NO? WELL YOU DO AND I AM STILL NOT OVER IT 😭😭😭

Wisteria by @little-miss-sunny-daisy / sunnydaisy

Caroline meets Klaus before he comes to Mystic Falls, without realising he is in fact, The Klaus, The Original Hybrid. A beautiful love story unfolds that leaves you all soft and gooey inside.

The Howling by @bellemorte180 / BelleMorte180

I LOVE the idea of this two-shot. It's a werewolf mate au - wherein both Klaus and Caroline are werewolves. There's also ✨Damon murder✨ Need I say more?

From The Eastern Mountains by @cupcakemolotov / Cupcakemolotov

Read this not too long ago actually and kicked myself for not finding it sooner. In between grieving her mother, travelling and finding her own place in the world, Caroline keeps bumping into Klaus. The scene at the market haS changed me on a fundamental level, i even don't know why that scene's the most vivid for me but it is. There's just something so mundane about it. AND HELL YES WE GET KLAUS IN WOLF FORM!!! Go forth and read.

Their Nightly Ritual by bellamywinchester

A fic from my ffnet days, this has got to be a contender for my favourite kc fic of all time. Again, there's just something so mundane about it, even with all the supernatural shenanigans - I guess I have a type? I NEED THE DOMESTICITY OKAY? Caroline and Klaus exchange phone calls while she's in college, diverging from season 5 canon.

Blood and A Quick Murder (and isn't that how it always is?) by @ks-caster / KS_Caster

A beautiful character study on how Caroline will always come first in Klaus' books. It explores a really unique idea I've never seen before, and if you like this one-shot you should definitely check out ks-caster's Red Queen series too, which diverges from canon at season 4.

Till I Tasted You by @kirythestitchwitch / KiryTheStitchWitch

GOD this fic is a favourite because never have I ever been ruined so severely by one line of dialogue: “As if I could be jealous of a boy who has no concept of what it is like to touch the sun and then spend a millennium looking for daylight in every strangers’ face.” YOU SEE??? HOW WILL I FIND LOVE NOW THIS IS MY STANDARD???

[muffled screaming]

Wicked Schemes by willowaus

This one is probably on every klaroline rec list, but eh, I don't care. It's a good classic. I love that its set in New Orleans and Caroline gets her own powers. It also has Klaus in wolf form and any fic that has that instantly earns my seal of approval, as you should know by now.

the fate makes for a lousy poet by @stars-and-darkness / for_darkness_shows_the_stars

I binged this in a morning and after I finished it I was left shell shocked, in that high state after a fic has completely changed you on a spiritual level where you don't know how to move on with your life. I just remember lying atop my bed and staring at the ceiling like??? What do I do now??? What was I doing before I read this??? Fuck if I know. It's an amazing fic, canon divergent from season 3, a tattoo soulmate au with brilliant appearances from Kol, Elijah and Rebekah as well. And hey, in my shell shock after reading it I left an essay-length comment on the fic and now I'm best mates with the author. Our tastes literally align so perfectly it's like we share the same brain cell, so I could probably make a top ten klaroline fic list out of Ella's fics alone - every fic of hers takes all my hopes and dreams and weaves them into art. So check her stuff out, and not just the popular ones either (she's also got an amnesia au in the works which has me FERAL so come help me pester her to finish it)

[tonguetyd]

If your wings won’t find you heaven, I will bring it down like an ancient bygone

I’ve always liked this line, but hearing it live made it click in a way it hadn’t before

Feels scheduled ahead

When Ves sang this line in Radio City I had the image pop in my head of the scene from It’s A Wonderful Life. “What do you want Mary, you want the moon? Just say the word and I’ll throw a lasso around it and bring it down for you. Say that’s a pretty good idea. I’ll give you the moon.”

So another way to look at this line. “If you can’t find your heaven, despite the wings you have, despite the divinity you have been granted, if you just cannot find joy? That’s ok. I’ll bring it down for you. I’ll fight like hell for you. I’ll give you that joy, I’ll sauté those horrors, you postpone that funeral RIGHT now, I am going to find the heaven you deserve.”

I wish I could remember who it was (probably @melit0n ‘s Euclid essay tbh but it may have been someone else) but someone wrote a theory that Euclid is the first song written thru not the character of Vessel’s eyes, but the guy/singer/songwriter/ACTUAL dude on stage Vessel himself. And I thought it was kinda an interesting theory but I think combining that with this idea makes it a little weightier. Because, Vessel the character is very much a part of Vessel the guy by virtue of the fact he embodies the character on stage every night. Just as Vessel the guy is (presumably) in a lot of Vessel the character. They’re the same, he’s not real, hes just some guy, hes acid and alkaline, etc etc.

(Edit I reread my tags, this post from @a-s-levynn is definitely the first time I saw this idea, yes THANK YOU LEV)

So. Point being. If this is Vessel the guy singing to Vessel the character, “despite your wings and all that Sleep has given you, you still cannot find peace. So I will bring it down for you. I will be your mouthpiece, I will write the words and tell your story. And you will find the love you want.”

That’s Ves speaking to himself.

And I think that is incredibly powerful and the most self-romantic thing I have ever heard. I’ll be your my joy and bring you myself heaven and the moon.

.

Recovering from depression and wanting to leave everything behind is a long fucking road. Idk that you ever really stop being on that road. I certainly still feel like I’m on that road even all these years later, but…the biggest thing that keeps you going is for your past self. At least for me anyway. I fight for the little girl that lives in me who thinks she will never be loved and needs to be perfect and ruins everything and is constantly reminded of how unforgiving the world is.

Baby girl, if you can’t find yourself heaven, I will bring it down for you. I’ve got you. I am hugging you so tight and telling you everything will be okay, my love. Look at us now. We’re still here. And we’re just fine. We are doing great. We’re alright and loved. And I will keep fighting like hell for you and to keep you safe and happy.

And so I think this is similar to what Ves is saying to himself. And it makes it that much more of a hopeful song. “Yes, I must be someone new, but moreso…I will keep living.

I will fight, for you.”

The next time you sing that line. Sing it to your younger self. Or to the parts of you that you feel are most difficult to love. Promise to fight for them. Bring down heaven.

And try not to cry

And if YOUR wings won’t find you heaven? I got you, too. ❤️

[lvlyghost]

Half My Soul: II

PAIRINGS: John Price x F!Reader

SUMMARY: The morning after John takes you home.

WORD COUNT: 1.4k

TW: smut, suggestive themes. john is the man we all deserve! descriptions of injuries. reader gets a tiny bit of background. mentions of abuse. comfort, fluff. think that's it. lmk if i missed any. mind the english!

A/N: i'm so very sorry for how long i made you wait! here's the final part. maybe i wasn't dealing with lack of inspiration it would've been longer, i even had planned another situation for this fic but oh well. i may turn it into a separate drabble. enjoy💕💫

Masterlist✨Part 1

John looks up from his phone when you walk in, he was about to take a sip from his tea mug. You're wearing one of his shirts that's nearly too big for your body. He likes it when you wear his clothes, not that he'd say it out loud. Not that it was the first time he had seen you wearing his shirts; the black hoodie he had insisted you could keep now ruined because of the blood and the lower part of the fabric that had been torn apart.

He clears his throat. Setting both the mug and mobile down.

"Sleep well?" He asks.

You hum in response.

"Too early to be awake if you ask me." John chuckles when you roll your eyes feigning annoyance.

He was far too good to you. Too good for your own sake. You didn't want to think of how inappropriate it was that you were at his apartment, wearing his clothes. Sleeping on his bed. It also didn't help that he was wearing just a pair of black sweatpants. This thing between the two of you whatever it was... made your stomach flutter and your heart warm when he looked at you the way he was right about now.

"There's coffee for you." He declares. "Know you don't fancy tea. A terrible mistake, may I add." There's a playful grin on his lips when you laugh. "How's your body?" His voice drops a few degrees. You know he's trying to be nonchalant about it but you know him. You know he's worried. Know that he hates the man who hurt you with all his being.

What you don't know is what he did as soon as he woke up. It took one more glance to your face and body. One glance to the bruises and scratches and he was climbing on his pickup truck. John knew the address. He had intended to have a civilized conversation with your father; after all you didn't want him to get hurt, despite him making your life a living hell. One thing led to another. A heated argument. Shouting and swearing. He couldn't let that monster speak about you the way he did. A staring contest. Hands pushing the other. And then there where punches being thrown. He didn't care if he was a former ranger back in the states. There was no real pride in what he did. Fuck him. He was glad he got discharged from the military. He gave soldiers a bad name. He was a blemish in everything they stood for.

"My eye's not swollen anymore. That steak really came in handy." You joke remembering the night before, when you both got to his home. And John wants to laugh, he's aware you're trying to joke about it. To brush it off like it meant nothing. Why were you such a beautiful person? No one deserved you. "Really John? The mug's on the top shelf!" You sigh, standing on your tiptoes stretching as much as you can but only had managed to graze the cabinet door to open it.

John snorts at the sight of you trying to reach it, so he stands from the stool and gently pats your shoulder, giving you a soft squeeze as he reaches out for it without effort and placing it in your hand.

"You made it look like it was hard, love. Was starting to think if I could do it myself."

You hit his arm in a playful manner making him chuckle.

"Thank you John." You murmur. He staring down at you intently. Like there was nothing else in the world to him.

"It's just a..."

"I mean for everything." You interrupt him. At first you hesitate but end up grazing his fingers until you take his hand in yours. It's warm and bigger than yours, it swallows your own entirely. Both of you stop breathing when the silence settles. Outside the sky is cloudy, rain threatening to pour down anytime soon.

"Lovely." He mutters.

"What?"

"You, love. Just you."

Something shifts in the air after those words. John and you... had been holding back each other's feelings. You more than him. He wasn't fighting them anymore and neither were you. Who were you lying to?

Just yourself. The man cared for you like no one else did. He pours some coffee in your cup with his eyes set on you all the time, even when you take a sip and place it back on the kitchen counter. "Want me to check your wounds?" He asks, but you're not listening anymore. You're lost in the deep sea that his eyes are. In the way he cleaned up your wounds yesterday. Something you had done to him many, many times before. Lost in the moment when he saw your deteriorating state last night, the anger that sparked in his blue eyes. You inhale deeply, the smell of his cologne and cigars.

John shifts his weight from one foot to another. You were staring in silence. He wonders if you're regretting accepting his invitation to his home. God knows that if you decided to leave that would be the end of him.

Why were you so silent all of the sudden? Had he made a mistake?

Bloody hell.

"No need for that John. I just need you."

And you grab him by the back of his neck pulling him down for a gentle kiss. His strong arms wrap around your waist pulling you closer until your bodies are pressed together. His lips are soft and mouth warm, you wish you could do more... maybe you can.

"Y'know how long I've waited for this?" He asks, voice raspy. A small kiss on your nose. His eyes are bright and adoringly watching you. "If I could stay like this forever..."

He kisses you again and lifts you up so your legs immediately wrap around his waist. John handles your body with so much care it makes your heart flutter, he avoids touching where the bruises are more prominent on your abdomen as he walks barefooted to the living room.

John lays both of you slowly onto the couch so that you're straddling his lap and he gives you the most gentle squeeze on your hip while his other hand tuck back a strand of hair behind your ear. It's a silent ask. A silent plea.

Do I have you permission? Can I make you mine?

And you nod. You kiss him again. Hard and hungrily. Biting down his lips. You too have waited for this. All the pent up desire that's been building over months. The longing stares, the casual touches. It's all led to this very moment where your—his— shirt get tossed to the floor, his pants don't make it all the way down and your underwear is merely pushed aside. The embarrassing amount of slick that coats your folds when John slides his fingers up and down your cunt making you gasp. His hands already making wonders that your own could never. Or the sight of his sheer size; he's big, you wonder if he'll even fit all the way, so he prepares you. Fingers slip in and out, limbs trembling as he works you through your climax and orgasm. Makes you forget about everything, about not being cared for before about all the pain that was your life before he showed up with his acts of service and unyielding protection. No one ever truly cared for you the way John did. No man could ever come close to him.

"John..." you moan his name, lips parted. "Please."

He wastes no time and he's finally sliding inside you. Blue eyes never leaving yours. And he's fucked. He has been for a long time, the moment he saw you. The first time you smiled at him.

His body shudders at the sensation of you swallowing him whole, not being able to think of anything else than being consumed by the woman on top of him. He wants you not just for today but for eternity. Another heated kiss when you're both nearing the end. A muttered promise to love you, a lone tear and soft graze of his hands as you come undone.

Falling apart together, deep breaths and mumbles of soft nothings into each other's arms. You trace his lips as he tries to even his ragged breathing. The faintest sheen of sweat that pearls his body.

"This isn't so bad."

John smirks.

"Not at all, love. Not at all."

[orikiys]

✿ ✿ 〞 voicemails and kisses for eternity

✰ pairings: seungmin x gn!reader

✰ genre: romance, angst, bit of a poetic add and slight fluff

✰ warnings: angst, ex seungmin who is trying to win you back, miscommunications, real life talks, fluff, nostalgia

✰ word count: 1.2k+ words

SEUNGMIN | chan | minho | changbin | hyunjin | han | felix | jeongin

one 𖨂

where are you love? and why have you lost directions to my dorm? come back, please. it’s getting harder without you here. it’s been four weeks now. not a single text or a single glimpse of you has wrecked my mind. your vanilla body wash- it’s over. and i don’t want to buy another one, because it may smell like you, but i have begun to forget that scent. the little touches, the head pats when i’m asleep, blowing on my food for me, buying me my favourite coffee. . . all of this is beautiful. but it was beautiful, before we ended up ruining it.

two 𖨂

please tell me that i am not the only one who still re-reads our texts. am i the only one who still watches our videos and laughs before it reality hits, that it’s in the past now. we were a thing. the most beautiful one in my opinion. i still remember the way you carved yourself into my heart and refused to budge. the way you treated me like an art piece and added strokes to highlight my beauty, all because you wanted me to see it myself. it’s funny isn’t it? how in a matter of a second, all the memories we created, the hardships we went through together, the times where we would just hold each other all night long– all of it came crashing down in waves. when the ship is first wrecked, you’re drowning and you can feel the water forcing you to shut your eyes and making breathing a lot tougher. everything floating around you reminds you of the beauty and strength that the ship had, that’s no longer there. we may still remember it, but it’s gone now. too broken that it cannot be fixed back anymore. even the molten gold cannot fix these type of vases like us. and all you can do is recklessly cling onto it, fool your mind and tell yourself that it’ll be okay. even though deep down you know, it can never be okay. nor can it go back to the way it was. the way we were. and the other thing you can do is float. you find something to hang on to. maybe a photograph of children on a slide while their parents watch them with a small smile. or maybe it’s a person, for me it was you. so all i am doing is floating. trying to stay alive.

three 𖨂

when i first fell in love, i was soaring high in the sky with magical wings supporting me to go beyond. but when love ended, it feels as if you have been dropped like a rock in mid-air. and before you know it, the rock shatters to a hundred small pieces. and i still remember how we used to write on pizza boxes, but now it write alone. i write on every dying sunset hoping you’ll resurrect from a poem. but neither do i want to force your way back. i never want to change you. never. you’re perfect just the way you are. and if time could turn back, i would have told you how much you mean to me. but time, it wasn’t on my luck. and as time passed further, we drifted further. long night talks turned into small smiles before sleeping. eating together turned into taking out our frustrations on each other, and in the end we grew tired of it. they say love heals everything. then why did it tear us apart? why were we the ones who suffered when we loved each other unconditionally? why couldn’t we just talk out all the time instead of yelling at each other? why couldn’t we just understand each other?

four 𖨂

i still wonder when you stopped loving me? but i do know it happened before our break up. i want to hear from you. hear the exact moment when you fell out of love. the moment when all my quirks became flaws, the moment i stopped being endearing and started appearing annoying. these days i still wonder why you let things go. why you gave up on such a beautiful thing we had. our memories. all the months we spent together. but other days i thank you, for ripping off the bandaid. doing something neither of us wanted to do, but it was for the best. at least that’s what we told each other. i hated goodbyes so much. because i know it was the end of us. i remember that day clearly. i held your hand tighter, kissed you longer, stared at you longer and just held you in arms hoping you would stop. but you didn’t. and when i saw you grab all your things and hand me my hoodies i felt the tears brim but i held them in. it was mutual right? this decision. so i had to look happy. i just had to. and when you gave me the last goodbye hug, i was trying to memorise you. so that no matter how many months pass by i would still know that a piece of you is with me.

five 𖨂

it’s been a few weeks since my last voicemail and they’re about to end too. i still miss you, just not as much as i did before. and it hurts a little less. sometimes i wake up and don’t rush to check my phone like i used to. i heard our song play in the cafe and it made me smile, no tears this time. but it’s 2:06 in the morning and my eyes sting from crying and my head is pounding. why did you show up? why? why now? when i was finally trying to do better. you came in and ruined it. though my heart hurt when you cried into my chest saying you missed me too. and that you read all of my voicemails as well. then let me ask you, what is it that stops you? that stops you from loving me freely? tell me, my love. no secrets, remember?

six 𖨂

no matter how hard i try to fit into society, i feel like i don’t belhere. i feel like there is something missing in me, something that ignites my feelings and makes me feel alive. i may not be the perfect per, but i try my best to be the best for you. and one thing that i’ve learned is that it’s my fault as well. i let you. i gave up. i didn’t stop you either. and i regret that. please forgive me. can we try to make things right? i know you need your space and time to make the decision, but i want you to know i was in the wrong as well and i ask for your forgiveness. and in your kisses i found the flavour of the twinkling stars. bright and small. unreachable but pure. so kiss me again and again. till you fill my empty heart with it. till you leave your imprints and till i remember your every bit again. kiss me, once more. for eternity.

PERM TAGLIST: @taeriffic 🧣 @hello-2-u-from-me 🧣 @ilychee08 🧣 @sleepyleeji 🧣 @spacegirlstuff

[polkadotpenguin16]

The Five Stages of Grief: Depression

A/N: Thank you to everyone for your patience in waiting for me to finish this chapter! Getting myself to write has felt like pulling teeth as of late. But we’re here! And we’re almost done!! Let’s get angsty…

Pairing: Sonny Carisi x female reader

Tags: you read the title, right?

Word count: 2,410

Previous parts: Prologue | Denial | Anger | Bargaining

Also posted on AO3.

You and your friend were lounging on the couch, devouring a carton of chocolate chip mint ice cream, while watching what felt like an endless Lord of the Rings marathon. “I don’t remember this being so long,” you mused as you licked chocolate bits off your fingers.

“That’s cuz it’s the extended edition,” she replied with her mouth full of ice cream. “It’s the only way to watch it. You want to feel like you’re walking to Mordor in real-time.”

You smirked and shook your head at her logic. This was nice. Getting lost in Middle Earth was a welcomed distraction from inner turmoil.

“Hey, I’ve been meaning to ask you something.” Your friend shifted herself on the couch to look at you. “When are we gonna get your stuff?”

You looked at her confused. “My stuff?”

“Yeah, from your apartment? You can stay as long as you like. Just wanna know if we need to rent a truck or something.”

“Um…” You hadn’t thought about what exactly your next steps were. If you and Sonny were over, that meant moving out of the apartment. It meant packing up the pieces of your old life, the one you’d built with Sonny, and moving on. And that was terrifying.

“Hey, hey, no pressure here!” She reassured you as she saw the panicked look on your face. “We don’t need to plan anything tonight. Let’s just watch the movie. I think Aragorn is gonna do something badass in a minute, anyway.”

It was late when you finished all the movies. Your friend went to bed, but you couldn’t sleep. The gravity of your situation was weighing heavily on your chest. It was truly over. You believed only a day ago that this was what you wanted. 

This was what was best for you and Sonny. 

You had thought you would both move on to better things—people better suited for each other. And Sonny probably would. But you realized that you didn’t want better.

You just wanted Sonny.

You missed him. A lot. Missed his laugh, his smile, the way his brows scrunched together when he was concentrating. You missed laying your head on his chest and listening to his heartbeat. And all those times Sonny was working until 3 in the morning or disappearing to help Amanda, you had missed him. And you never let him know. “It’s fine” was what you always said. But it wasn’t fine. You missed him, needed him, wanted him, and you never told him.

“What have I done?” You were curled up in a ball on the floor. Your cheeks felt cold from the tears streaming down them. There was no coming back from this. You walked out that night. You ignored him. You said some unforgivable things. You ruined everything.

Spiraling into a black hole of despair, you felt hopeless. You resigned yourself to the darkness, hoping it would engulf you. Your heart ached in your chest. What hurt more than knowing it was over, was thinking of how much pain you caused Sonny. Beyond leaving that night, you turned down every attempt he made to reconcile. He was trying. All you’d wanted for so long was for him to try, to choose you. And when he did? You practically slapped him in the face with it. He deserved better than that.

But what could you do? The damage was done. Sonny wasn’t going to reach out to you again. Not after what you said. He was done trying.

Perhaps now was your turn to start.

You could reach out to him. But what would you say? What do you even tell someone after you broke their heart? You grabbed your phone and started composing a text. Your hands shook as you typed and retyped the message. You weren’t going to get all your thoughts into one text. The right thing to do would be to tell him in person. Maybe he’d give you the grace you so rudely denied him.

Hi. I’d really like to talk to you if you’re willing to listen. But I’d understand if you aren’t. Would you meet me at Prospect Park on Saturday?

After several minutes of working up your nerve, you hit send and put your phone down. You waited anxiously, silently praying he would reply. The suspense was killing you. You imagined this was how Sonny felt when you ignored him, and that made you hate yourself even more.

You don’t know how long you sat in the dark when you heard your phone ping. You couldn’t breathe as you picked it up and saw a new message.

3pm work for you?

You let out your breath and immediately replied.

Yes, I’ll be there. Thank you.

He’d accepted your olive branch. Maybe there was still a chance for the two of you. Even if there wasn’t, at least you would be able to apologize face to face. He deserved that. Whatever the outcome of Saturday, you had the chance to make things right.

It was nearing 10 o’clock, and Sonny and Amanda were the last ones at the station. Once he finished writing this report, he could finally leave. But he’d been stuck rewriting his last paragraph at least a dozen times. He was distracted thinking about you. By some miracle of God, you reached out and said you wanted to meet. About what you didn’t mention, but you were ready to talk to him. That was more than he’d ever expected.

But he didn’t want to get his hopes up. Maybe you just wanted to coordinate moving out, transferring the lease, and such. There was still a big chance you were over forever, and it emotionally destroyed him. Coming to grips with losing the love of his life had been incredibly depressing. You’d been the glue keeping him from coming apart at the seams. The thought of going through his life without you in it was incredibly painful, but nonetheless, a truth he was facing. However, he couldn’t help the optimist in him from thinking there was the tiniest sliver of hope that things could all work out. But the ball was in your court now. He’d apologized and tried his best to fix things. It was up to you now on how you both moved forward.

Sonny heard Rollins sigh from her desk in relief. “That’s it, I’m calling it a night. And so should you.” She got up and put on her jacket. “You know, I could use some help painting my apartment. It might cheer you up. I’ll even splurge and order wings with the pizza.”

“Sorry, not this weekend,” he replied, still staring at his laptop, trying to get his thoughts into his report so he could be done for the day, too.

She was surprised by his answer. He was never one to turn her down. “Really? You got something funner to do than manual labor and eating mediocre food with your friend?” She remarked sarcastically.

“No, um…I’m going to talk with my girlfriend on Saturday.”

She looked at him perplexed. “What’s there to talk about? I think she was loud and clear on what she thought of you.”

“She reached out to me, Rollins. I just want to hear her out.”

“Seriously? What could she possibly have to say for herself? Have some self-respect.”

Sonny shook his head and went back to typing. He wasn’t in the mood to bicker. He’d had enough arguing to last him a lifetime.

Undeterred, Rollins walked towards his desk and leaned down to look at him at eye level. “Listen, dating a detective…it’s not for everyone. It means missed birthdays and canceled dates. A lot is expected of us, and we sometimes miss out on things. She’s shown you she can’t cut it.”

“Well, maybe I can’t either.” Sonny sat back in his chair and slapped his thighs. He’d been having doubts about his career for a while. The pressure and horrors he faced were starting to get to him. He wasn’t sure if he had it in him to continue this path.

“What do you mean? Of course you can. You do it every day.” She was taken aback by his comment. She hadn’t noticed how disillusioned he’d become in the past several months.

“I don’t wanna be like those old timers who wind up bitter and alone. There’s gotta be more to life than…this.”

“Come on, you don’t mean that.” She came up to him and patted his shoulder. “This is our lives. It’s what we do. And you’re not gonna be alone, we’re partners.”

“You’re telling me you’ve never thought about calling it quits?” She huffed at his ridiculous question. “No, really. Day in and day out, dealing with the worst of the worst, you’ve never wanted a change?”

“You’re a cop, Carisi. It’s in your blood. What else would you be doing?”

“Oh, I don’t know, I could…” He took a second to ponder the possibilities. “I could be a consultant and sit on my ass all day getting fat and rich. Or become one of those hipster photographers who drives around the country taking pictures and living in a van. Hell, I could move to the DA’s office! Now that would be a change.” Sonny laughed at the thought. He’d played around with the idea of using his law degree, but never seriously given it any weight. Maybe this was his sign to start.

“Wait a sec…” She analyzed his face trying to decipher if he was genuinely considering this. “You can’t be serious.”

“Well, maybe. My law degree’s been gathering dust. Might be nice to get some use out of it. You know, a fresh start.”

Rollins’ demeanor changed. Her body tensed and her face became serious. “So, you would just throw away everything you’ve worked for? And for what? To make your girlfriend feel better about herself?” Her speech sped up as she tried to get all her thoughts out.

“Hey, leave her out of this.” He said defensively but calmly. “If I decide to go, it would be for me.”

“That’s not you, Carisi. The stuffy lawyers, the politics? You’d hate it there!”

“I haven’t even done anything! What are you getting so upset about?” Sonny couldn’t gauge what was getting her so upset. “I’m just talking about trying to make a better life for myself. Thought you’d want that for me.”

She looked at him like he had three heads. Her cheeks flushed red, and her jaw clenched tightly. “Be happy about you leaving? How stupid are you?”

Sonny stared at her in disbelief. He was completely perplexed on how this conversation turned from confiding in his friend to having his character bashed.

“And what about all of us here?” She gestured to the empty desks of the detectives who’d already gone home. “You would just—you’d pack up your stuff and ditch us? You said you were my partner, and you—you’re gonna walk out on me?” Rollins was becoming irate, stumbling over her words.

“You’re acting like I’m moving to the other side of the world!” He was at the end of his tether. His whole life, he’d been living for others. The never-ending pressure of having to be everything for everyone was too high. He couldn’t seem to do right by anybody. So why did he even try? “There’ll be other detectives. You’d be just fine.”

“No, I need you, Sonny! I need you here beside me!”

The room went deathly silent. It was finally clear to Sonny what she’d been trying to say. After all this time, this was how she really felt?

“When did that change, Amanda?” He asked, his voice no louder than a whisper. Hazy memories of a trip to West Virginia and long forgotten heartache were returning to him.

“Don’t tell me you never felt anything between us.” She stared down at her shoes, unable to look him in the eye just yet.

“Not since you made it clear there wasn’t.”

“I was…not in a good place back then,” she tried to explain. She finally looked up to meet his gaze, needing him to understand her reasoning in her eyes.  “I knew you were looking for something serious and committed, and I wasn’t ready for that.”

“So you thought you could string me along until you were?” Sonny shot up from his chair and crossed his arms. He could hardly believe the words coming out of her mouth. His whole world felt turned upside down. He thought she was his friend who cared about him. He wasn’t sure what he believed anymore.

“Oh, please, you weren’t strung along,” she scoffed at his suggestion. “You’re telling me you weren’t happy to help me out? Hang out with my kids? I never asked you to do any of that—”

“No, you just expected it,” he snapped back. The voices of you and Bella echoed in his ears. “I wanted to help you, Amanda, to try to make your life a little easier. I did those things because I thought—”

“Anyone could see you were way more invested in your relationship with me than with your own girlfriend,” she sharply pointed out, her words cutting deeply into his heart. “We’re practically a family already, Carisi.”

Sonny stood there defeated. How could he have not seen all this? “You were my best friend…” he said breathlessly. Any fight left in him had evaporated. “Guess I was mistaken.” He closed his laptop and started collecting his things.

“Sonny, if you would just hear me out—”

“No, I’ve heard enough of this.” He put on his coat and made his way out. “It’s late, I’m going home.”

“Would you stop?!” She exclaimed in frustration, trying to get his attention. “You’re gonna give up your career, your life, for some girl who doesn’t even appreciate you? I would never make you do that, Sonny—”

But he was already walking out the door. He felt empty inside. He had already lost his love, and now this betrayal from someone he had once called his best friend was more than he could handle. All that he’d done for Amanda was still somehow not enough. He needed to start thinking about himself. He wasn’t sure of what his future would look like, whether you would be in it or not. Bella was right. 

He’d have to hope for brighter days ahead.