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minsugapie · 4 years

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Mary’s Song: part 16b (3034 words) - Fighting

• • • • • •

Jeon Jungkook wasn’t just your anime-loving, manga-drawing, hair-pulling, ex-neighbour. You hadn’t even spoken to him since he had moved away. But the world worked in funny ways because...

He was probably the reason you were still alive.

• • • • • •

“And our daddies used to joke about the two of us

Growing up and fallin' in love

And our mamas smiled, and rolled their eyes

And said, "Oh, my, my, my””

• • • • • •

previous // current \\ next

masterlist

• • • • • •

Tags : @minhyuksfatgf @igotarmyofarohas @dixonsbugaboo @thealexalcala @salty-for-suga @worshiphoseok @okaysoplshelpme @jeonlovers @acupfullofsuga @beach-bitch-bitch-beach @hannahdinse8 @jaiuneamesolitaiire @dammit-jjk @dreamcatcherjiah @xxxanimangxxx @wrmnssoul @ephyra1230 @imynnow @prdshobi @klverse @butterflylion @fuddyize @ahnneyong @nanie5 @squidyelmosquidbutt @uxwi

• • • • • •

I feel so much internal embarrassment after writing this but yolo I guess… but uh yeah, this is SMUT so do with that what you will.

**also this is unedited so sorry for mistakes. we all know im the queen of typos as it is...oof

• • • • • •

You’d just finished messaging Coven about what your plans were for tonight, and how you would go about it. However, your nerves were still on high-alert. Jungkook had denied you a few times now, and you knew that if this didn’t persuade him, then you’d be devastated.

You realized he had his reasons, but you wanted him now. He was making it extremely difficult to continue being friends. There was just a point where you needed to evolve. At least you were sure that you’d go crazy if you had to keep pretending like you hadn’t been head over heels for this boy since you were six…even with the large speed bump in between your meetings.

You sighed, finally getting up from the bed and deciding to do something. Jungkook was working at the desk in the living room, so you knew you wouldn’t be interrupted by him as you got the room, and yourself, ready. The first thing you did was make the bed tidy up the space, making sure that it was tidy before heading into the bathroom. You locked the door and stared at yourself in the mirror for a white a few minutes. You listened to a full song that Jungkook was drawing to before you took a deep breath and started the shower, getting your razor, shampoo, and body wash. You wanted it to be as perfect as possible; you wanted to look as perfect as possible. The shower that only normally took you a few minutes took longer than usual, and you hoped that he hadn’t realized. You spent extra time brushing your teeth and blowdrying your hair, too.

Who were you kidding? He didn’t notice anything when he was drawing.

You were again staring at yourself in the mirror, wondering if you should’ve put on makeup or not. You decided on makeup (but not an aggressive amount) because you wanted to have the whole experience of the beautiful lingerie that Cherry bought you. You thought it would look incomplete without it.

Rushing back into the bedroom after you finished getting ready, you only briefly took a peak into the living room to see what Jungkook was doing. He hadn’t moved. Maybe he’d slouched over slightly, but that was it.

Digging into the back of one of the drawers in the dresser that Jungkook bought for you, you found the box with the present inside. You took it out carefully, pulling it out and taking a good look at it. You wondered if you could even pull it off…if he would even like it. However, before you could back out, Cherry’s voice floated into the back of your mind, telling you that you were beautiful and that he’d love it. It was enough for you to drop the towel and put it on right then and there. It wasn’t the most comfortable thing you’d worn, but it wasn’t too bad. You let your fingers feel the fabric draping down your body and you hummed it approval. It looked exactly like the first time you’d tried it on, if not maybe slightly better after all this mental preparation that you did.

You hung the towel on your hook before taking one last look at yourself in the mirror. Yes, this would have to do. Taking your thousandth deep breath of the day, you made both your hands into fists and whispered, “Fighting!”

There was a change of plans because you decided that calling him into the room wouldn’t get his attention like you wanted, so you changed tactics. Instead, you tiptoed out to where Jungkook was sitting, trying to be as quiet as you were able. Instead of just walking in front of you, you peeked your head over the side of his shoulder, taking a peak at what he was drawing. It was Honey, not that you figured it would be anything else. She was the main character of his webtoon. Yet, you’d noticed recently her becoming even more realistic…

“You smell nice. Did you have a shower?” He asked, not taking his eyes off the tablet.

“I got ready…are you busy?” you asked, moving one of your hands around to his front and resting it on his chest. You briefly felt his heartbeat increase, giving you a slight boost of confidence.

“I’m just drawing,” he answered, but you noticed his pen stop moving as your hand moved down his chest to feel his muscle. “What are you doing?” He added before you could answer. He grabbed your hand from on his chest and pulled you around so he could see you from the front. As soon as you came into view, he froze.

“What do you think?” You asked, waiting for any sort of reaction from him that wasn’t only his face the was void of emotion.

“What is that?” He asked, clearing his throat. You noticed his eyes wander around, stopping briefly on your breasts before forcefully moving back to your eyes.

“Cherry bought this for me for Christmas,” you admitted, taking a small step towards him. He hopped out of his chair so quick that it almost fell over. He was acting as if you touch would set him on fire.

“Cherry…” he swore, taking a step back again. Licking his lips once, he continued, “But why are you wearing it right now?”

You cocked your head to the side, pushing some hair behind your shoulder. “What? You don’t like it?”

“No!” He answered a little too quickly. Realizing his betrayal, he added, “But shouldn’t that be saved for when you’re going to do something?”

Now you took another step towards him, grabbing his hand. He didn’t move; it was like he had no idea what to do. “What if I told you I was going to do something?”

“What do you mean?”

“…with you.” You finished, pulling him backwards towards the bedroom you shared.

“Wait, what exactly is happening right now?” He asked, looking around the apartment like he needed to look at anything else but you.

“You’re a smart boy, Bun, can’t you figure it out?” You asked, knowing you would eventually succeed when he tightly closed his eyes and threw his head back while still letting you drag him to the bedroom.

“Honey, I can’t,” he said the dreaded words again, running his free hand through his wild hair.

“If I hear that one more time,” you warned, pulling him closer to you.

“What do you want from me?” He asked, eyes still closed.

“D-do you not want to? Don’t lie to me, either. I can tell when you’re lying.”

He opened his eyes and made a face. “That’s what you’re worried about? That I don’t want to? Look at yourself, Honey, of course I want to. This is just so complicated.”

You took his arms and spun him around, sitting him down on the edge of the bed. “It’s really not…just stop thinking so much about what you think I want and do what you want for once.”

He stared up at you with his lips slightly parted. He seemed to be paralyzed for a minute, so you grabbed his hands again and led them to your hips. His eyes snapped to his hands, and he started to move them across the soft material. The material bunched under his palms as his hands move up towards your breasts. You stepped closer to him, making it easier for the both of you until he unexpectedly pulled you down onto his lap. “Is this what you wanted?” He whispered, moving in towards your lips.

“I want more,” you confidently admitted before kissing him.

“How much more?” He asked after moment, moving your hips to tell you to grind into him.

“Do I even need to answer that?” You asked, taking his bottom lip between you teeth playfully.

He groaned into your mouth, and you smiled in response.

“Fuck, Honey, you don’t even understand how much I’ve thought about this moment,” he revealed, flipping you over and pushing your back into the bed. “Remind me to thank Cherry unnie next time I see her…This thing is not coming off tonight.” His eyes roamed freely around your body now, and you let your arms fall to your side, allowing him to do whatever he wanted for a minutes.

His fingers lightly traced from your lips down your chest and between your breasts, lips following closely behind.

“She knows it’s being put to good use already,” you breathed, trying to remain steady as his hot lips started to press kisses on your hips.

“She knows what’s going on?” He asked, spreading your legs apart and brushing his nose over the lace underwear.

“Why do you think Jimin and Tae left in a rush?” You struggled to concentrate as he played with you. “I asked them to leave.”

You squirmed, trying to keep focused. In a second, Jungkook stopped all movements and hovered above you. “What exactly did you say to everyone?”

You bit your lip to try to stop yourself from laughing at his confused expression. But now you wanted some power over him. Before you answered, you pulled at the bottom of his hoodie, trying to tug it over his head. You flipped him over, taking the chance to admire him for once. “I told them that I wanted to have sex with you, so they needed to be out of the house,” you shrugged, watching in delight as his skin got goosebumps from your light touches.

“You’re naughty,” he groaned.

You leaned back down to his face and whispered huskily, “Have you thought about me when you’re all alone before? In the bed? In the shower?”

You heard him visibly swallow.

“Have you thought about me taking you? Or my tongue stroking you?”

He still couldn’t answer when you dipped your hand between your bodies and into his sweatpants. You watched his facial expression in curiosity when you cupped him, simultaneously palming him and rolling your body into his.

“Answer me, Bun,” you demanded, wrapping your fingers around him harder as leverage.

“Holy fuck yes, ok, I do,” he managed, and you loosened your grip slightly.

You kiss his collarbone and neck before putting your lips against his ear, “Are you sure?”

“Yes! And it’s only you every damn time.” His hands were holding your hips to keep any sort of stability.

“Because I’ve thought about you before,” you continued, starting to pump him.

“Y-you have?” He was breathy, letting you do whatever you wanted to him.

“Sometimes when you’re not home, or when you are, I like to imagine it’s you and not my own hand…” Jungkook’s digits slipped into your panties, pushing them aside as he started rubbing you.

Your lips found his again, and he eagerly pushed his tongue against yours. It was a sweet moment, both of you letting the other do what they wanted, but Jungkook pulled back sooner than you’d hoped when you felt him start to buck his hips into your hand. “You have to stop,” he said before throwing his head back and pulling your hand from out of his pants.

When you finally take a look at his face, you see his flushed cheeks and red lips. “Did I do something you didn’t like?”

“Oh not at all. I just want this to last to the actual sex part,” he admitted, rolling over to find a condom in a drawer near the bed. You were under him, smiling as he seemed frustrated at not finding the box right away.

At his distracted state, you let your fingers slip into the waistband of his sweats, guiding them down the curve of his bum and hips…and you did let your fingers linger on the hard muscle for a little longer.

When he finally acquired the little packet, he pushed himself off you to take his sweats all the way off and put on the condom. You watched in fascination as Jungkook’s was illuminated by the last bits of sunlight, pinks and purples from the sunset giving him a beautiful glow on the already gleaming skin. His hands deftly put on the protection, hands not missing a beat as if he’d had a lot of practice.

When he finished, you let your eyes linger on his stomach. He really was one of God’s favourites.

“Are you sure you don’t want to take this off?” You asked, gesturing to the garment that admittedly didn’t actually cover much.

“It stays on,” his voice was lower than it had been a minute ago. He’d regained his composure. “But these come off.”

His fingers hooked into the sides of your panties and pulled them down your waist.

“Listen, Bun, if I forced you into something that you didn’t want…”

“I’m literally already naked and wearing a condom, and you’re going to ask me that…just shut up,” he laughed, positioning himself between your legs.

You waited, already having a better time with Jungkook than you had with Nic. When his hand went around your back, you took him in and grabbed his back to hold him close.

“My seventeen-year-old would not have believed what’s happening right now,” he admitted, looking down at you.

You couldn’t focus on any of his words again, trying to adjust to him as quickly as possible. You knew he was uncomfortable as you forced him to stay where he was for a moment longer, but as soon as you told him to move, he obeyed. Slowly, he began his thrusts but sped up soon. You didn’t mind, having gotten a lot out of him earlier.

Jungkook’s hands removed yours from his back and he pushed them down beside your head, linking his fingers with yours. His thrusts were successful in winding you up, knowing that neither of you were going to be able to hold out much longer.

“Honey, I can’t hold it much longer,” he breathed into your shoulder, teeth gently biting the skin.

You let yourself go as soon as you heard his voice, not able to effectively breathe or answer him. All you were able to do was breathily moan his name.

“Fuck, it’s over,” he groaned, thrusting into you a few last times, effectively riding out his own orgasm.

Jungkook’s face during this most vulnerable moment was a blessing to see. You said it once, and you’d say it again, he was one of God’s favourites. There was simply no way that one man could look so deliciously appetizing at every moment. You were exhausted, but if he asked, you’d go right into a second round…you were in no position to deny him.

But he didn’t. He immediately fell beside you on the bed, catching his breath.

“Fighting,” you whispered.

“What?” He asked, looking into your eyes. You stared back at him with equal intensity.

“Doesn’t matter.”

Jungkook grabbed your cheeks, pulling your face to his. His lips found yours, and he smiled. Three long kisses were placed on your mouth before he asked, “Should we order some food?”

• • • • • •

“When was the last time you had sex with Nic?” Jungkook asked out of the blue, playing with your hair. You were laying together on the couch, and you were comfortable positioned half between his legs, half in front of him. There was a movie playing on the tv and the finished takeout on the coffee table, but you were barely paying attention.

When you hesitated, he clarified, “I mean enjoyable sex.”

“Maybe eight months…it was too long,” you revealed, hiding your face in his sweater, which you’d gladly changed into afterwards. “So I guess a thank you is appropriate.”

You felt his chest move in laughter. “There’s no need to thank me, Honey. It was good for both of us.”

When it was silent for a minute, you shyly asked, “When was the last time you had sex?” Why were you being shy around him all of a sudden? “Be honest with me, Bun. I know you’ve gotten around.”

“I don’t get around that much, but the weekend before you called me was the last time,” he admitted, shifting so the blanket was covering you better.

“How many people?”

Jungkook breathed through his nose hard before saying, “Why are you asking questions that you won’t like the answer to?”

“I’m just curious,” you answered, playing with his hand that was around your waist.

“A lot.” He thought he’d get away with that but you were adamant about knowing for some reason. You knew you shouldn’t have been so curious, but you were…

“Bun…”

“I’ve hooked up with a girl every time I’ve gone out, okay. I don’t know how many I’ve had sex. Is that what you wanted to hear? Are you mad? Disappointed? Disgusted?” He huffed, seeming frustrated.

“I’m not any of those things. I was just curious because Cherry and Yoon told me that you’d never been in a serious relationship.”

“They’re right.”

“Why? You obviously have enough people that find you attractive…”

“I guess it just wasn’t meant to be. There may have been someone in the back of my mind that I couldn’t stop thinking about. She’s kind of a pest and asks too many questions, but she’s cute.” He cuddled closer into you, spooning you. His lips were pressed to the back of your neck and you realized that he was done talking. Actually, in only a few moments, his breaths became deeper.

He’d fallen asleep.

Had you been on his mind the whole time? Even after he said those mean things to you? You’d managed to repress your feelings for him while you were with Nic, but now that he was gone and Jungkook was your present, you knew that they were deeper than you’d anticipated. When the heated feelings of tonight wore off, and you two talked about what had happened more seriously, you wondered what he was going to say.

Jungkook was your past. Jungkook is your present. Hopefully, Jungkook would be your future.

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poptod · 4 years

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hi i wanted to know if you wrote for webb porter? if u do, can u do a webb x reader where the reader is his psychiatrist? not fluff but not angst either. something in between perhaps. surprise me with the plot! you always do anyways. thanks and i love your little elliot drawings!

notes: okay 1. thank u im glad u enjoyed the sketches, 2. i hadn't watched alcatraz before but i just watched it so i could write him and I gotta say, it really freaked me out how many similarities there were between me and him (except for the whole being a murderer thing and stringing bows with the hair of his victims). this is my first time writing psychopath characters. anyway, thank you for requesting and I hope you enjoy it!

WC: 1.7k

It was a bit of an honor, really – none of your friends would agree with you, but working with something so strange, so new, and so, so interesting was always an honor. It wasn't like your friends said anything. Probably because they didn't know, since the Incident was 'top secret'.

The prison, in all its steep, sharp majesty, stood before you. Its height nearly blocked out the grey sky. The men leading you said nothing, and you followed when they opened the door inside. From outside one of the doors you saw the cells, all stuck together, kept in a sterile, white room. You swallowed thick and turned back forward, hand clenching around your bag as you mentally prepared yourself.

You didn't say much. Neither did he, so for the first five or six minutes, you watched him. His behaviorisms, the tics stuck in his restless limbs. Pushing against the floor, flexing fingers, uneven, hurried blinking. Classic signs of discomfort. You couldn't blame him.

"I've read a lot about you," you said in a soft, humming voice that had his eyes flickering to you before landing on the closed notebook in your hands. "I know what they think of you. Do you want to clarify anything?"

He said nothing, returning to his fidgets.

"I also heard you enjoy music," you continued, pushing your hand into the bag sitting on the floor beside you. He watched with curious eyes as you pulled out padded headphones, setting them on the table beside you, before pulling out an older iPod. "I know you've got your violin, but sometimes I find it's nice to listen without having to play. Lets me study."

"How does it work?" He asked, his voice cracked and soft. It was hard to make him out.

"Bluetooth. Connects without a wire," you answered with a half-smile, proceeding to explain the rest of the technology. The guards wouldn't just let you waltz in and give a prisoner a wire, after all, and the extra cost didn't hurt you too terribly.

He didn't really start talking till around the third appointment, which for a patient of his type wasn't all that bad. Even then he kept that soft tone – so low, so smooth, almost like the music he so avidly listened to. You could feel your fingers tightening over your arm rest when he spoke.

"I just wanted to play for people," he mumbled, pinching at the skin of his jaw. "Do you know what that's like?"

"Yes, actually," you said, earning the mild, held-back interest of the prisoner. He stared at you, and with a deep breath, you explained yourself. "I wanted to dance for people. Then I was diagnosed with Meniere's disease, and now it's a struggle to stand. I know what it's like to want something and never be able reach it."

He stared at you with wide eyes. You were starting to get accustomed to the sight of that.

"I also know it's good to start something you can do. Something achievable that can benefit yourself, maybe some friends, maybe groups of people. Some find that comfort in writing, or baking. Things like that," you said, knowing full well he wouldn't take your advice. Still, it was best to suggest something anyway.

The seventh week of sessions with him, appointments twice a week and each an hour or so long. That's how long he let you stay. If it were up to you or the warden, the sessions would be around an hour and a half, but if you tried to push it he would fall silent and listen to none of your words.

"I know this seems a rather foolish exercise," you said as you held out a drawing pad and a pencil, "but it does help some people. It doesn't have to help you, but I think you should give it a try. Just draw anything you want."

Hesitantly he took them from you, holding them in his lap as the eraser edge of the pencil tapped against his cheekbone. Folding your hands neatly on your own lap, you waited patiently for him to begin, a keen sense of curiosity keeping your attention. His head twitched to the side twice before he got sick of it, shaking his head to clear it out. Only then did he begin.

He kept the pad angled so you couldn't see his drawing. For about ten or so minutes he stuck to that activity, beginning to enjoy it about halfway through. When he leaned back, he examined the drawing, drawing a shaky breath as he handed the pad and pencil back to you.

Full body sketches, filled with lines and shadows that didn't quite connect. It looked as though he'd drawn it seven times and erased it six, but as the shapes came to fruition, you found the actual image he had drawn.

Himself in a suit. Nothing too grand, a plain one with one button on the blazer. You were more interested in the second figure beside him – a seated one sitting in front of a grand piano, their eyes closed and hands poised delicately over keys you couldn't see. At the other end of the piano was where Webb stood, his eyes closed as well as he danced to the music humming from his violin.

"You're a pianist, aren't you?" He asked, his voice still low and soft. You paused, looking up at him.

"Yes," you answered quietly. You hadn't ever told him that. "How did you know?"

"Fingers," he said. "You don't tap rhythms. You play them, and your fingers are stretched. You've been playing since you were a kid."

"Also correct," you said as you tried desperately not to give away your discomfort and amazement.

Two appointments later and he started to tell you about yourself. You reminded him gently that these sessions were for him, not you, but the words seemed to not have processed in his head. He just kept listing things about you – things you never told him, things not obvious about you, things your friends and family didn't even know.

"How long did you play bass for?" He asked one afternoon, his finger set against his lip.

"Orchestra in middle school through high school," you said despite not wanting to answer. "I was never any good at it, though."

"Too big?"

"... yeah. Mr. Porter, this isn't -"

"Where's your tattoo?"

You froze.

"I don't think it's appropriate for me to answer that question. How about you tell me about the people here? Do you get along with them?"

"They like my music," he murmured, his eyes directed at your own but staring through you.

"It's nice to have that," you said with a small nod.

Your home was a place of comfort with few windows and double locks on the doors. The only weak spot was the backyard, which was walled in. It'd be easy to break the glass of the wall into your living room, but you made the expense for 'unbreakable' glass, and in the evenings you felt thankful for that decision. You could sip at your tea without worry, turning on the TV and surfing through the many shows.

Despite being curled up for an evening of relaxation, your notebook sat beside you, open to the page of your most recent patient. A pencil sat in the dip of the binding. On commercial breaks you set aside your cup and picked up the notebook, flipping through the pages and trying to figure out exercises that would be good for each person. For Webb you made the special effort to think beyond your specialty. There were a number of things you wanted him to try – painting, stories, baking – just some senseless, harmless activities. Alongside that were a couple tests you could give him once he was ready.

"Even got your piano right," you heard a voice from behind the couch, making you shoot straight up and whirl around, the blanket around your shoulders falling forgotten on the floor. Webb stood in your open living room, his fingers tracing over your black grand piano seated in front of the wide open windows.

"What are you doing here?" You asked in a surprisingly firm voice, broken only by your concentration to get your phone out from between the couch cushions.

"I needed to see you," he spoke softly, almost airy in his tone as he stared at you with empty, grey eyes. When you moved he took a step forward. "I know you're going to tell them," he said, looking you up and down, "but I can't let you do that."

You ran. The front door was so close to you anyway – you assumed you could reach it before he could reach you, but your legs were weak. You'd always been weak, and now he reached for you, grabbing you by the ankle and dragging you across the wood while you did your best not to cry. You did shout, though – hopefully your neighbors would hear, but halfway through your second scream he tore his sleeve, tying it around your mouth.

Writhing on the floor, you felt him push your chest down, swinging his legs so he straddled you. As you began to hyperventilate he pulled rope out – your rope – and tied your hands together.

"It's so easy," he breathed out, and you assumed he was talking to himself. You tried to speak, but with the gag, nothing came out but whines and moans. "You're so easy to... hurt," he murmured as he leaned in, his breath coasting against your cheek, highlighting the tears that fell unwillingly.

"You'll be good for me, right?" He asked of you, caressing your face with his hand, the other dug into your stomach's pressure point to keep you from moving.

You almost sobbed, but instead you tried to form words. Again, nothing but mumbles and cries came out.

"Shhh," he said in a soft, almost comforting voice. A shiver ran through your body, convulsing in your anxious muscles, trying to kick with the legs he sat on. "I won't hurt you," he murmured, leaning even closer to you, till his face rested in the crook of your neck, pressing gentle, fluttering kisses along your skin.

His hand reached from your cheek to your hair, tugging on it so harsh you let out a choked cry.

"We'll make beautiful music," he mumbled. "My violin, your piano, and you can sing... we'll be beautiful."

#webb porter x reader #alcatraz #rami malek #rami malek character #webb porter

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signetxego · 4 years

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Okay so. I was thinking about things. Things being the flintseol dorm story. And idk now i’m Dying To Talk About It so here is a very detailed crash course on the Boys PLEASE talk to me abt it im begging you hit up my dms i’ll marry you

Under the cut for obscenely long post for smth with no actual writing.

When Ace loses his alchemy homework, Epel advices he goes to his classmate Blaise for help, who can find anything if he gets a good description of it. Ace, Epel, Deuce, Yuu and Grim find Blaise, who uses his unique magic to locate the lost homework.

Deuce is really impressed, and tells Blaise that a magic like that is super valuable, but Blaise becomes downcast and explains that he can’t find things unless he has a clear idea of what he’s looking for in his minds eye, so it only really helps him retrieve small things that he’s already seen. It never works for the thinks he’s looking for.

Blaise goes on to say that the dorm he is in, Flintseol, has a long-standing legend, one that has puzzled students since the founding of the dorm. The first dorm leader, before he left the school, hid a stash of treasure somewhere on the grounds, and a trail of clues to locate it. Over the years, nobody has been able to solve the puzzles and locate the treasure.

Grim and Ace her excited at the prospect of treasure, and ask Blaise if they can help him look for it, and split it between them, however Blaise gets annoyed and says that a true pirate doesn’t accept help, and he can do it by himself. He storms off, but Ace isn’t willing to give up on a legendary stash of treasure hidden, and suggests that they try and find it without Blaise’s help.

After school, they go to the library, to do some research and see if they can find any hints on where the first clue is. As they talk, they are overheard by a strange boy with a mechanical eye, who joins their conversation, and tells them it’s been years since students from another dorm have tried to find Flintseol’s hidden treasure vault. Yuu mentions that it’s odd, since surely students from other dorms, like Azul or Ruggie, would want to get their hands on something so valuable. The cyborg laughs, and tells them that the first clue is hidden in the Flintseol dorms, and it’s protected fiercely. An unseemly fate awaited all students who tried to break in and steal it, and so eventually they all gave up.

He says that over years, clues have been found and lost, their whereabouts gone forever. Pirates can’t be expected to work together, especially when treasure is involved. He encourages them to do their best finding the treasure, but once he leaves Yuu decides he sounded quite patronising.

The next day, the gang decide to sneak into the Flintseol dormitory, having stolen some uniforms from Vil’s stash in the pomefiore dorm. However, as soon as they set foot inside they find that it’s nothing like any other dorm, and they struggle to find their way around the complicated layout without disrupting any students. They’re saved from a run-in with some delinquents by Blaise, who pulls them aside after a time limit fight and asks them what they’re doing at his dormitory.

Blaise tries to convince them to leave, but Ace and Grim are determined to find the clue for the treasure. Blaise is torn, but eventually decides to sneak them up to the port, an area at the top of the dorm where most of the ships are docked. At the end of the largest of the rope bridges, is a single mirror carved into the floor, the first clue.

After looking around the mirrors on campus, Blaise thinks they should sneak into the dorm leaders room, since a mirror hangs in there. Blaise picks the lock and he and Yuu sneak in whilst the others stand guard.

They find nothing around the mirror, but Blaise’s attention is drawn to a folder slightly open. Going through it, he and Yuu find some old photos, moving back into sketches and portraits from the past at NRC. it seems to be the dorm leaders personal investigations into the treasure stash. They go from very old to very recent, and there are some of the current flintseol students.

Meanwhile, outside, Deuce and Epel are spotted by Inigo, who they mistakenly believe to be the dorm leader due to his strict way of speaking to them. They try to stall him, but he quickly realises they’re not members of his dorm, and drags them by the ears down the corridor, where he sees Blaise and Yuu leave Finnian’s room. He says that as much as he can’t stand finnian, he has to turn them in for breaking the key rule of the dorm, respect the captain above all else.

Inigo drags the group into the common room, and loudly announces that there are intruders in the dorm, and the dorm leader needs to deal with them. The commotion draws a huge crowd, and inigo uses his unique magic to trap the perpetrators in front of a portrait of a pirate holding out his hand, after Grim tries to make a runner.

Finnian appears, and Yuu is like ‘oh i thought i recognised u st the library it’s bc ur the dorm leader and were at the entrance ceremony. He laughs and seems pleased to see Yuu and the idiot gang, he gives them a lecture abt going through his stuff, although blaise retorts that he shouldn’t have left it lying around so carelessly. Importantly, he tells them that trying to follow the trail of clues will be pointless, since over the years students have taken clues for themselves and hidden them.

This angers a lot of the spectators, saying that the treasure must exist somewhere and they can definitely find it. Finnian laughs at their optimism, and tells them that their mindless enthusiasm is worthless without the drive to use your brain. It’s why none of them have overthrown him as dorm leader. At least Blaise was able to find the best hint there is left in the school.

He touches the threads binding them, and they shimmer and melt. He then tells them to start running, and not to drop the picture folder. Theres a rhythmic thingy where the idiots run away from the rest of the dorm, chasing them to try and get the folder for themselves.

They get split up as they run, and Yuu ends up with Grim and Blaise. After settling down, Yuu contemplates on how Finnian seemed totally different to when they met him in the library yesterday. Blaise says that his mood is pretty unpredictable, and he doesn’t take anything seriously. Grim asks what finnian meant when he said ‘none of you have managed to replace me as dorm leader’ and Blaise explains unique way Flintseol dork choses it’s leader. Apparently, the treasure hidden in the dorm was the puzzle set by the first dorm leader, so technically it’s the ultimate test to be ‘worthy’ of the dorm, but nobody really cares abt that, they just want that sweet gold.

Grim agrees that he just wants the gold, and prompts the other two to go through the folder from finnian’s room, to see if they can find out what he meant by ‘the biggest clue’ being hidden in there. They find an annotated excerpt from a diary, written by the first leader of the dorm. What catches their attention most is the annotation ‘surrender your physical riches to the spirit of adventure’.

At this point, Inigo finds them, and tells Blaise he always hides in this cupboard when he wants to get out of chores. Since they’re not technically breaking rules anymore, since Finnian let them go, he’s not going to fight them. Blaise shows him the excerpt from inside the folder, and explains that he’s not going to give up, and that he doesn’t think finding the treasure is impossible at all. If the dorm leader thinks that, then he’s not fit to uphold the spirit of this dorm at all.

Inigo starts to say something, but bites his tongue, and sighs, saying it’s not really any of his business as long as the day to day life of the dorm is ticking over smoothly. He explains the meaning behind the ‘adventurous spirit’ that Flintseol is founded on. The one-eyed cyborg who they follow the example of was a legendary pirate who followed a treasure map to the greatest stash of treasure in the galaxy, but in the end he gave it up to save a young shipmate who was travelling with him. Afterwards, he stopped seeking treasure, and traveled the universe alone, not bound by materialistic possessions, and instead basking in the wonders of the galaxy. Contrary to the popular image they portray, Flintseol aren’t pirates, they’re supposed to be explorers. Although, that ideal has been lost over time, as the dorms obsession with finding the rumoured stash of treasure has shown.

Blaise finds it upsetting that Inigo is so disillusioned with the other students in the dorm, and says that he never thought Finnian would turn out to be that type of person.

Inigo tells Blaise that Finnian isn’t someone he should look up to, he’s someone who can be pretty terrifying and toys with people to get what he wants from them. He’s clever, and Inigo gets the feeling he intended to leave that folder lying on his bed for someone to find, but he’s not sure why. Knowing Finnian, if there was a clue in there, he’d be able to crack it himself.

Suddenly, there’s a huge commotion outside, and the four rush over to the nearest window to see the rest of the idiots getting into a fight outside. Inigo rolls his eyes and says that they’re totally on track to getting killed, and instructs Blaise, Yuu and Grim to stay put whilst he goes and gets them.

Once he leaves, Blaise notices how quiet it is inside. It seems the commotion caused is so large that almost all of the Flintseol students have gone to watch. Yuu thinks it’s unnerving how bloodthirsty they are, and Blaise admits that things can be a bit rowdy at times. He looks down at the folder again, and reiterates how determined he is to find the treasure, and explains to Yuu why he was so eager to join Flintseol after Finnian overthrew his older brother as dorm leader. He wants more than anything to prove his worth, and puts his determination into his unique magic to locate ‘the spirit of adventure’ mentioned in the journal. To his shock, a green thread does appear at the end of his finger.

He and the ramshackle duo follow it to the main lounge where they had spoken to Finnian earlier, where it connects to the outstretched hand of the pirate in the portrait they had seen earlier. Blaise realises this pirate isn’t actually a pirate, he’s supposed to be the young shiphand who the cyborg gave up the stash of treasure to protect.

After thinking it over, Blaise solves the puzzle. As the cyborg achieved happiness through surrendering his ‘treasure’ to this boy, they must do the same to find the hidden treasure.

But what constitutes a treasure? Blaise admits that even though he is very wealthy, he doesn’t have anything that could be considered treasure. He tries handing money to the portrait, but nothing happens. Yuu suggests that maybe you need to give up a personal treasure, something that it hurts to part with. Blaise thinks of what it might hurt him to part with, and finally settles on an old, rusty compass. He explains that it was a gift from his grandfather, and was supposed to always point him back home, so he could explore to his hearts content without worrying about getting lost. He places it in the portraits hand, and the portrait moves to grip the compass. Blaise jumps away and the portrait stretches and turns into a huge door on the wall.

Going through the door and down some steps, they find a huge chamber filled to the brim with gold and jewels. Truly, a legendary stash of treasure. They take a moment to be happy, until the rest of the idiots come down the stairs and O.O at the treasure as well.

Grim asks why they went and got in such a huge fight, and Ace explains that it wasn’t their fault. They ran right into that creepy robotic dorm leader, who used wind magic exactly like his to attack some nearby students, and vanished as soon as the fighting started.

As if on cue, Finnian comes down the stairs behind the idiots, waving happily. He congratulated Blaise on solving the puzzle, even if he did need an awful lot of help from his dear dorm leader. Finnian says that he had discovered the secret to finding the treasure at the end of last year, and had debated over his to get a hold of it. The last puzzle was really unfair. The point of the trail of puzzles was to hammer in the belief that experiences are worth far more than material possessions. To achieve the ‘spirit of adventure’ and uncover the most sacred mystery of the dorm, you’d have to give up something physically important to you.

Of course, it was probably stupid of the first dorm leader to expect a pirate to change their ways. He didn’t care about the experience of a treasure hunt, or the reputation it would give him, he wanted the treasure! He wasn’t going to play along with the puzzle, and give something up, so he tricked Blaise into doing it for him. From telling Yuu and the others where to find the first clue, to leaving his folder out and hinting at the clues hidden inside, and finally to clearing out the dorm by starting a fight, so that when Blaise opened up the treasure vault, nobody else would be around to intrude as he snuck in after him.

Blaise is understandably quite angry, and says that was a horrible thing to give up his compass for. Besides, what does Finnian hope to achieve with this treasure? If everyone knows that he wasn’t the one that found it, what does he get from it?

Finnian doesn’t answer, as a loud rumbling sound behind in the background. Shouts can be heard above them. Finnian guesses that the first lot of students got bored of Inigo’s lectures and returned to the lounge, to see the newfound door. Sadly for them, they can’t get in, since his unique magic is holding the door shut. However, Blaise notes that a few students couldn’t be making such a noise by themselves, and when rocks start clattering down from the ceiling he realises the treasure room must be about to collapse down. They try to get through the door, but it’s been turned into a wall of silver. Blaise shouts through, and manages to communicate to Inigo on the other side what’s happening. Inigo tells them that if they break Finnian’s concentration, his unique magic will reverse.

They fight Finnian and get the door back to normal, and Inigo and the rest of Flintseol pour in. Finnian is trying to gather the treasure, and Inigo urges him to leave because theres no way he can take all the treasure before the room collapses. Finnian uses his unique magic to turn the walls of the chamber to silver, and try to forcibly keep it upright. As he expands his magic, the silver begins to cover the floor and grow up some students feet, pinning them in place. After exerting all this magical power and arguing with Inigo, Finnian overblots, and the squad have to fight him before he runs out of magic and the chamber fully collapses.

After the overblot we unlock Finnian’s Tragic Backstory TM, which starts with him as a tiny little kid helping his father care for his ailing mother, in a very run down, poor area of the city. His father promises that even though things are hard, as long as they all stay together, things will be okay, and gives Finnian a tiny, hand-knitted teddy bear to accompany him as he cares for his mother. Later, his mother dies, and as Finnian sits with her in her last moments, his father gets up and walks away. Finnian tries to run after him, but can’t find him, and when he returns his mother has passed away. He decides that whatever his father said was false, clearly ‘staying together’ and ‘family’ were not all that mattered. He left because they were not enough for him, and because all humans are selfish and want material goods to prove themselves. Finnian took to growing up on the streets, amassing as much wealth as he could through gambling and stealing, getting richer and richer every time he betrayed someone’s trust and took what they had for his own. The only way to be happy had to be through selfishness, right? But still, he didn’t feel any happier than he had when his mother was alive. So, he must be doing something wrong. He obviously didn’t have enough yet. Not enough money, not enough possessions. Not enough rare trinkets collected from across the land. He must not have been selfish enough yet, for simply no amount of treasure in the world could make him feel any happier.

When he wakes up, Blaise, Inigo and the idiots have dragged him out of the chamber, which has completely collapsed. Inigo scolds him for being so stupid and losing control, when he’s supposed to be the one who always has *everything* under control. Finnian comments that on retrospect, he should’ve predicted the chamber being set to self destruct. Why would a quest about giving up material possessions give you a huge hoard of treasure at the end?

He apologises to Blaise for losing his compass, and admits that the real reason he didn’t open the portrait himself was because he doesn’t have anything of value to give away, nothing he’s tried has worked. Blaise thinks back to when he was in Finnian’s room, and remembers seeing an old, knitted bear lying by the bed, and asks why he didn’t try something like that. Finnian says he only kept the bear to remind him not to get too comfortable around people, but realises that the real reason he hung onto it was because it reminded him of the happy times when he had a family, and all this time, it had really been his most valued possession. It’s enough to make him laugh, which causes him to fall backwards again, and get dragged off by Inigo to the infirmary.

As Blaise goes to follow, he catches a glint of gold in the corner of the room. The portrait on the floor is broken, and behind the frame sits his compass, untouched, and with a note behind it, old and worn, reading ‘congratulations for solving the puzzle. continue to search for adventure and happiness in the skies, and stay true to yourself.’ he pockets the message, and decides to show it to Finnian once he’s better.

A few days later, the idiots are invited back to Flintseol by Finnian, who has made a full recovery, and is as lively as ever before. Grim grumbles about how he’s hardly changed following his overblot, and is still a bit of a weirdo, and Inigo sighs and says that’s just his personality. Finnian invites them out, and the group fly on their brooms/hoverboard to the top of a huge cliff, where the view of the starts is completely beautiful, and Inigo informs them that hopefully they’ll be able to come and visit the dorm more often now that students have no need to protect the clues to the treasure. Although, he decides, looking over at Finnian, that whilst someone so unpredictable is dorm leader, they and he as well would probably be safer keeping themselves at arms length.

And tadaaah everything is fixed and the mystery has been solved!!!

#twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland oc #twst #twst oc #twst fan dorm #flintseol #finnian argent #inigo ciellion #blaise rosien #shiro writes #or rather... shiro word vomits #inigo doing an impression of finnian on game night for charades like: boo hoo my parents r dead im gonna destroy the school :

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transrightsjimin · 3 years

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this might seem like a silly question but do you think tae has been okay this past year? i used to be super into bts 2013-17 and im getting back into them again so ive been watching run bts but he seems so much more quiet than i remember, ive only watched the last maybe 6 eps but i was just wondering do u think hes just tired or is this something thats been consistent? idk how to phrase my question properly i hope you understand

i dont want to psychoanalyze him too much (and have already been accused of doing so nd been attacked bc i once said i relate to him a lot in terms of my autism nd that seeing him makes me happy but. whatever lol) so i’ll just go by what he shared w us nd what is known. i’ve been a fan since 2014 and knew the group since 2013 so i will share what i know and read throughout the years. i hope my answer is a bit more helpful than the quora pages where people ask something similar to your ask (but with infantilizing nd ableist language instead) but in the end, i don’t know him nd just go by interviews and past observations.

Taehyung has shared w fans that he has been feeling depressed the past year and dealt w sleeping problems, which i think he has mentioned in a few times but the first one i can think of is in his interview in Weverse magazine, where he discusses how tired and down he’s felt in 2020. He also explains his thoughts behind the song Blue & Grey, which is meant to comfort people in that sort of headspace. while i think he has become more quiet over the years in general, you can def see his mood change the past year. as a side note, i notice the same about the other members when watching old concerts and such. they put a lot of effort and energy into activities they could do lately but i was still really caught off guard seeing how much more happy and excitable they all looked when in front of a real audience. which is all understandable of c bc as they noted before, an audience recharges their energy of course.

i thought he had become generally more reserved over the years, even before 2020. fans have speculated it is because his grandmother (who raised him for 10+ years nd whom he had a great bond w) had passed away and he has even received a lot of hate for expressing at a show that she died as he was portrayed as ‘attention seeking‘. a good friend of him also died by suicide in 2017 and in 2018 his grandfather died. these deaths are some of the possible reasons he might be looking less excitable.

in bts festa 2019 the members talk about how much more taehyung has matured over the years, e.g. being more mindful of others. Tae adds that he changed his mind on what happiness means for him, as he used to think it meant when everything was great for him, but later on he realized that it made him most happy when all members are happy together and when he sees the positive in things. so there’s a part of maturity there in terms of being less careless / stubborn / free-spirited, even if (as the members state) that is also what used to draw in fans back in the day because he drew attention in shows.

so it’s not per se bad he became more quiet / reserved and less stubborn as it helps be mor considerate of other ppl and he reflected on how he could make the most out of difficult situations.

i’m not sure if it was him too but members have mentioned in songs and interviews (I thought also Jimin did so in the same festa but i couldn’t find the moment quickly) that many people have tried to get close to them, just because they found them interesting for their fame but not care for them. the group has become more critical to such interests and cut off people who mistreated their openness. this might not per se be the whole reason for him smiling less or a reason at all, but his character did change over the years.

it might be important to add that his character / vibe (which i will rather refer to as autistic traits than any of the ableist language people online use :S ) is what drew a lot of negative attention by netizens, such as when he mentioned his grandma on tv, or when he cried on mama 2018 stage, or when he mouthed along to a song when they won an award in 2015. him just being goofy and happy were falsely flagged as misbehaviour in controversies caused by (then) larger fandoms that tried to undermine bts.

i am in no way saying Taehyung is the only one targeted or anything. i actually really hate that framework considering all of bangtan have been targeted by hate nd went through hard times mentally as a whole. and there is a HUGE issue recently within the fandom, where solo stans of tae have been popping up, who pretend bangtan mistreats tae and that he needs to go solo. which is just insulting considering he keeps emphasising they are a group /family and that he wants people to care for all of them and not just one. what i meant to say instead is that his behaviour has changed a lot bc it has been criticized a lot.

and as a final note i want to say that it is not particularly unnatural for Tae to be more quiet / depressed / reserved. i remember that early on in my army days, either in early 2014 or early 2015, Tae was not active on social media and generally more reclusive to the public for several months in a row. then too, people speculated he was tired or overwhelmed or depressed and idk if that is true, he was just less present to the public, but i meant to address that in the past too he could be more quiet or reserved at times so it’s not completely new or different for him to be more in the background. which is totally ok and in this case, we know he is more down and why. i dont think the members are obligated to talk to us about their mental or physical health, but i do appreciate them speaking up anyway bc it is very reassuring nd opens up healthy conversations.

TLDR; tae’s personality and public persona did change over the years, for both bad and good reasons, but morever it is true that he struggled w being depressed and w sleeping problems (as he himself discussed). the pandemic doesn’t help those issues.

i hope this answers your question?

i ended up still going WAY in to depth and speculating but i tend to ramble and look up links to support stuff i remember jfhgk sorry about the long answer, i always forget where im going once im typing. my answer already feels too much like psychoananalyzing him and im not a fan who disect a picture of e.g. a member smiling / looking somewhere / not smiling and writing a whole essay on his thoughts or traumas or whatnot behind it. so i hope i didn’t come off as going that route. ^^;

#death mention /#family death mention /#suicide mention /#god my answer looks 1000 x worse w these tags #anon #asks

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era-of-new-beginnings · 4 years

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The Tragic Suicide of Virgil Black Ch. 2

TW: Bullying, Panic Attack, Violence (just a punch), Minor Negligence, Self-Deprecation, Swearing, Unsympathetic Deceit and Remus.

Damien is Deceit* (This was made before the new video so I will start to use Deceit’s real name in the next chapter, but for now I don't want to have spoilers for the new video in case people haven't watched it.)

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Okay so, Dear Journal, today had started out as a pretty normal day. Until it turned into an utter shit show! One bad thing after another and now I’m just sitting on my bedroom floor writing in this stupid thing….I guess if I’m going to do this whole tell my story thing, I should start at the beginning of the day.

Like I said, it was normal, and right on time Damien and his buds came up to me while I was walking to school.

Virgil was walking down the same path he does everyday, as he had learned a while ago changing paths never stopped Damien. It was almost normal when he and his goonies walked right next to him. He barely had time to react as he was shoved harshly into a fence, the metal digging into his shoulder and his head knocking on it a little. His face scrunched up in a wince before he could stop it, and he wasn’t surprised to find that they had taken his bag.

All of them reaching in and grabbing whatever they could, before throwing it to the ground. He just sighed internally as the (cliche) bullies continued. Eventually, they finally got bored, and with one final shove to him they were on their way. He crouched down gingerly and started to pick up whatever they had thrown out, which was basically everything.

Once that was done he got up and finished walking to our meet up spot with everyone else. They were all there already, Logan and Roman bickering about something and Patton trying to make sure it stayed peaceful. He sighed softly with a bit of a smile before covering it up and walking over to them.

He can see when Patton notices my presence, not only because he perks up like a dog but also because he basically slaps the other two on their chests. Virgil smirks and raises an eyebrow at Roman’s offended noises. Finally both him and Logan gives him their attention, which makes him blush and hope that his foundation covers it. “..Hey guys” He mumbled quietly, which wasn’t out of the ordinary really. His anxiety made it hard for him to talk at school at all but these three always knew how to get close to people.

After getting a chorus of responses back, the bell rings and they all go their separate ways. Except for Virgil and Patton, since they shared first period together. Something was off today though, something was wrong with Patton. Patton liked to keep up his dad like personality, and anytime they walked anywhere together Patton would make a pun or two (or few). Not only that but he had been fidgeting with the sleeves of the cardigan wrapped around his shoulders, which he only did….when he was hiding something.

Not realizing Virgil’s internal turmoil about it, Patton began to get uncomfortable with the silence and started to ramble about the first thing that popped in his mind. Which of course, had to be Winnie the Pooh. Practically regressing into a younger state of mind as if that will make him stop thinking about whatever was bothering him. Virgil had known him long enough to remember his ticks and fidgets. How to tell when he was lying, or nervous, or pretending to be happy.

The thing was, Patton hadn’t lied to them since they’d shared a night crying in each other's arms about their lives. He can feel the pressure in his chest at the thought. Why now? Why would Patton lie to him now, what was so bad he felt like he couldn't tell Virgil. He was sitting now, in a desk in his class. His class….what class was he in? He had to get out, he had to go. He stood up on shaky legs and slipped out the classroom door unnoticed.

Barely making it to the bathroom before collapsing, digging his nails into his arms, his hands moving back and forth between that and tugging (practically ripping) his hair. His chest felt constricting and everything felt wrong. There was an unknown pressure just pressing against every inch of his body. He stayed there for the rest of the period and some of the next one. He wanted to go home, but he knew his mother was at work and would yell at him for just randomly calling in.

So instead, he did the next best thing. He went to the detention teacher's class, knocking lightly on the doorframe as Mr. Sanders looked up at him. They shared a brief bit of eye contact before Mr. Sanders nodded to him and let him into the room. He took up his usual seat in the corner while Mr. Sanders called his teachers to get his assignments.

He stayed there, working silently until lunch. Part of him just wanted to stay where he was, in seclusion, away from any and all people. Especially his three crushes, they would know instantly something was wrong with him and wouldn't let up till they knew. Still, he must've scared Patton earlier by just disappearing.

So instead he just buckled up and grabbed his bag and headed out the door and through the hallway. Trying to calm himself and seem normal by the time he got to the table. Par for the course, Roman was adamantly talking about theatre like usual. Only recently had he roped Patton and Logan into it too. Virgil however had refused aadamatly, saying that he just didn't want to when the reality was he couldn't do after school things much cause he had to help out his mother and Remy.

He sat down at the table, head tilted so his hoodie would hide most of his face. He draws lightly in his sketchbook while barely listening to the conversation until he hears Roman say his name for the third time. Attention gotten, Virgil looks up at Roman’s face in confusion. He realizes that Roman had been talking to him, so he closes his sketchbook to silently say he's listening now.

Roman huffs and gestures wildly to Virgil “see? This is exactly what im talking about! He doesn't even care!” He sneers at Virgil and Virgil can feel the sharp feeling in his chest at the words. “W-what?” he asks, stuttering slightly in surprise. Roman throws his hands up, frustrated “You are stubborn as ever, ignoring me? Seriously? I get that you don't want to be in the theatre but you didn't even hear me out!”

Theatre, of course it was about the stupid fucking theatre. Virgil just sighs and shakes his head “Roman I’m not trying to ignore you, i've just had a bad day. I spaced out, I’m sorry.” And Roman just…. just barks a sharp laugh and glares “we all have bad days Virgil, that doesn't give you a right to be rude to everyone around you. You know what i think? I think that your a self-obsessed asshole! You don't think about anybody but yourself! I mean really, I knew you haven't liked me since the beginning but if you hate me so much, why didn't you just say so!”

Virgil could feel his hands shaking, whether with panic or rage was unknown for now. His shoulders were curled and risen defensively and he had gathered himself enough to glare harshly instead of bawling. He slammed his hands down on the table “of course you think that! I haven't even done anything wrong and yet your spouting nonsense! You didn't even ask why because you were so focused on insulting me and making me the bad guy. Like you always fucking do! I can't believe I ever thought that you'd changed! You are such an arrogant pompous bastard!”

He quickly stood, haphazardly shoving stuff in his backpack while the others gathered from their shock. Patton was the first to recover slightly, scrambling for words “o-okay now kiddos, both of you are spitting out some real harsh things. And over what? So why don't we just- just sit back down and talk through this minor dispute!”. Roman slammed his own hands down on the table, ignoring Patton ``Speak for yourself! You have no right to be mad at me! I didn’t do anything wrong!”

Virgil just growls, throws on his backpack and goes to walk away. But of course, Roman wasn't one for being ignored. So instead he grabbed Virgil's wrist before he could go any further. Virgil himself felt a spike of fear at the touch and was set instantly on edge “Let go!” he yelled viciously. But Roman only sneered back, ranting on and on, his grip tightening on Virgil's wrist anytime he struggled. Virgil snapped and yelled at him a few times but Roman just rolled his eyes and continued. Virgil was at the peak of his panic and wasn’t standing for it anymore as he teared back and punched Roman in the jaw, effectively making him let go as Virgil turns and books it out of the school and doesn't stop until he’s home.

His breaths are panicked and short and his vision was already starting to blur with sweat and tears. He manages to get to the bathroom before all but collapsing on the floor. Tearing at his hair and scratching his arms. Breathing was nonexistent and he could hear his thoughts spiral violently. Who knew if Roman would forgive him after this or if the others would take his side if he didn’t. He’d lose not only his only friends, but his three crushes. He stays there for hours and hours until he can hear the front door click, signaling that his mother is home.

Shoving himself off the floor and checking himself in the mirror (He looked dead) before fixing himself up to be presentable and going downstairs. He mumbled a quick hello to his mother before helping her with the groceries. He could see her strained smile as she thanked him. He just gives an awkward shrug before finishing putting things away, except for what they were going to use for dinner. He gets the required pans out to start cooking, him and his mom tending to switch cooking nights.

Remy isn’t home yet, but that's not unusual. He’s not even sure if his mom realizes his absence anymore. His hands tighten on the wooden spoon he's using to stir the noodles with. He reminds himself to breathe and not think like that. His mother provides for him, and that's more than enough. He's not ungrateful really, just worries sometimes that she doesn't love them.

After finishing up dinner, he sets the table and serves up the food. Pulling out his phone real quick to text Remy, although he knows that he’ll have to save him food in the fridge. If he even eats that to be honest, though if he doesn't either him or his mom can have that for lunch. They finish up their dinner in silence until his mom retires for bed after a long day and he gets a start on dishes. After those are done he trails up to his room and flops onto his bed. Sighing heavily he shifts to get comfortable and catches a glimpse of the journal on his desk. Thinking back to the reason he has it, he sighs once again and grabs the journal and a pen and starts to write.

Dear Journal, what the fuck is wrong with me!? This entire day was like a train wreck in slow motion and I don't even know why! I don't know what Patton's hiding from me or why. And I don't even know what made Roman blow a short fuse. Here I was starting to think he might actually like me, platonic or not, but i guess i was wrong. What do I do? Apologize to Roman or ask Patton about what he’s hiding?

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So! What do you guys think!? Also your first real option to change the story! Apologize to Roman or ask Patton about what he’s hiding? Lemme know in the comments, the one that gets the most comments will determine the answer. Also send me asks on tumblr! @era-of-new-beginnings

#sander sides #ts deceit #ts logan #ts patton #ts remus #ts remy #ts roman #ts virgil #my writing #trigger warnings #T.T.S.V.B.#LAMP

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midnightsdarkangel · 5 years

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The Woes of Duality (5/?)

Summary: Patton always sees the good in everyone, even in someone such as Deceit. But while he slowly helps the dark sides to see the good in people, something else is changing, and not for the better

Notes: IM SORRY FOR THE DELAY, this chapter was a beast to write, not only being the longest at 6k but also i was struggling with a writers block when i had written the first scene meaning it halted my writing to a stop for a good while. There ARE warnings for this chapter for the mentions of throwing up black blood and small amounts of violence- and a lot of angst.

Shits going down and we’re in for a bumpy ride~

taglist: @hufflepuffgirl01 @septic-fallen @sanders-sides-rebloger @notveryglittery@quantumducky @warnadudenexttime @devil-towne fandomsofrandom @theultimatemomfriend / pm if you wanna be tagged in this)

“This is terrible!”

“We know-“

“I can't believe we let him get this bad, what kind of prince am I!?”

“Roman we know, we were there-“

“He’ll never be forgiven!”

“ROMAN.”

Logan raised his voice, closing his book shut irritably. Roman was pacing the living room back and forth, his hand currently in his locks of hair ruffling it up trying to think of a solution. Virgil was curled up on the sofa with his knees up, his head low in thought as Logan was sitting just beside him with the book he was currently reading until Roman decided to flip out.

Thomas’s problems had gotten significantly worse. Only recently did he have a falling out with his own best friend Joan; something Thomas didn’t really see the need to apologise for despite how many times Roman begged on his knees to do. The two had been working together planning video ideas when the two had a disagreement, and instead of Thomas normally trying to avoid confrontation, instead told Joan that he could easily get another writer if he needed if this was going to be that much of a hassle and that they were kicked off the team. What’s worse is Thomas casually said this as if nothing was wrong with firing his best friend and acting as they were merely an inconvenience to his channel. Joan looked heartbroken at his cruelty and had stormed off, telling him not to bother them unless it was for an apology.

Logan remembered the moment it happened, Roman’s face dropped in pure horror after biting his nails during the fight shouting for Thomas to stop and reconsider. Virgil’s anxiety was picking up, trying to breathe properly saying this wasn’t real. Even Logan felt uncomfortable at the sight, gripping the drink in his hand tightly that it almost smashed.

And Patton wasn’t there.

The moral side hadn’t left his room all day; they assumed he didn’t want the others to see how upset he was over the situation. Not only that but the entire week as well Patton kept himself distant from the others, only replying in short remarks if they ever tried to strike a conversation with him. Patton was Thomas’s heart so obviously this would be hitting him the most. No one knocked on his door either, thinking it was best to leave him alone for a while before they would come together for an emergency meeting.

So here they were, in the living room with Roman franticly shouting ideas out;

“We should send Joan a letter saying sorry- No we should send them flowers to- NO WE NEED TO GO TO THEIR HOUSE AND SING HOW MUCH OUR FRIENDSHIP MEANS TO US”

He threw his hands in the air as he turned to the others, waiting for someone to bounce ideas off him, but Virgil and Logan kept silent as Roman dropped his arms back down with a look of bewilderment.

“Come on! I’m trying my hardest here, why don’t you two contribute?”

“While apologising is certainly our utmost goal here Roman, it apparent that at this current moment, Thomas has no intentions of apologising to Joan. We cannot force his actions, only merely guide him to the right thing.”

Logan spoke up, pressing the glasses up to the bridge of his nose as he carried on;

“Furthermore, this is more in Patton’s department as Thomas’s morality. When we can get a hold of him I suggest we all talk to Thomas together.”

Virgil felt himself hug his knees tightly at that comment;he didn’t speak up during the conversation apart from a few grunts or nods in agreement. He still hadn’t confronted Patton about the day he eavesdropped him in the kitchen; a whole week had passed from that time and the gnawing feeling of anxiety ate away at him. He would try to knock on Patton’s door but never got an answer and the fairy lights above his door were turned off. The times he would see Patton in the hallways it was like he didn’t even acknowledge anyone else’s presence; he would wander for hours brushing his hand against the wall. And yet he was smiling, he was always smiling- no doubt about his progressive relationship with Deceit. How could Virgil just break that for Patton when he knew how happy the moral side was gaining a new friend.

And then the fight happened and Patton didn’t show up as much anymore in the light side.

Most likely around the time when everyone collectively felt the fear of Thomas’s actions. And yet his mind kept buzzing with uncertainty about what he overheard in that kitchen. It had to be Patton that was causing all of this- but he didn’t seem off or acted any differently when he was with Deceit and even when returning to his room with a happy whistle and a skip in his step. If only he could talk to Patton…

“Talk to Thomas about what?”

The three of them turned suddenly froze momentarily and in unison turned their heads to the door. Patton was standing there in his pyjamas looking tired, his hair in a mess and wearing a top that was larger than him, going to his knees with shorts and fluffy slippers. Virgil was quick to untangle himself from his cocoon to lean over the sofa quickly to check if Patton was alright, but Roman strolled up in front of Patton and grabbing his shoulders.

“Patton! Thank the heavens you’re doing alright, we need your help”

“But Roman, i’m all left.”

Patton hummed teasingly as Roman rolled his eyes and escorted him to where the others sat. Virgil leaned over the sofa determined to see Patton as his heart raced with uncertainty.

“So, what’s the problem then?”

Patton sat down beside Virgil, looking at the others curiously. They all looked at him with surprise as Logan quickly spoke up;

“Thomas ended up in a fight with Joan and now they’re not talking until Thomas sorts himself out. Surely you must remember this?”

“Oh! That!”

Patton exclaimed as if he had forgotten such an important event. His hands on his lap kicking his feet back and forth as he tapped his finger on his chin thinking;

“Is that really important though?”

The room went dead silent.

“…. Excuse me?” Roman spoke up as Patton cut him off waving his hand playfully;

“Listen, if Joan was going to be like that then they obviously weren’t worth the hassle. Same with Thomas’s other friend. I mean Thomas can always find new friends, can’t he?”

Virgil felt his heart sink as he leaned back on the sofa in fear. Patton had no regrets in his words, no remorse as he just looked to them with that soft smile he always kept on his face. But his eyes…they were as if looking into water, you think you can see something but it’s nothing but your own reflection staring back at you in a hollow surface. They couldn’t read his expression at all in that moment. Logan had dropped his book to the floor as Roman was just stared with his mouth wide open. No one dared to speak as Patton looked to them all confused why they suddenly got quiet.

“What?”

He laughed nervously at the tense atmosphere.

“Patton…are you serious-“

Virgil started but Roman had stormed up in front of him and grabbed his sword, drawing it out of its sheath, and pointing it at Patton. This caused a startled reaction from both Virgil and Logan,who stood up in shock; Logan was already coming up to Roman’s side grabbing his arm harshly yanking it back.

“What on Earth are you doing Roman?”

“This cannot be Patton! The Patton I know would never speak so belittlingly about the ones he cared for. This has to be a trick!”

Roman spun around to Logan upset,refusing to lower his sword as it was pointed at Patton’s neck. Virgil was starting to breathe heavily now clutching his chest, his eyes wide with fear at how fast things escalated. But Patton didn’t falter, there was no look of fear or discomfort. He just stared at the tip of the blade before him and smiled, tilting his head; he gently touched the blade, lowering it down giving Roman a knowing look. Roman flinched at that and reluctantly backed away, withdrawing his sword and getting a small hum of appreciation from Patton;

“I’m feeling fine Roman, I swear. It’s still the same Patton you know and love I just, I dunno people change I guess? Sure, Joan is precious to me, but I want to put Thomas into priority here kiddo as much as all of you do.”

He said softly looking at Roman with a twinge of desperation hoping he would understand his intentions. Neither Virgil nor Logan could speak up in the moment, mostly taken back by the exchange as Roman let out a frustrated sigh and walked to the corner of the room leaning against the wall rubbing his eyes tiredly. It was clear Roman had barely any sleep that night; the dark bags under his eyes were apparent, the fact he had little to no time to brush himself up to look presentable spoke volumes. Virgil glanced at Roman and then back to Patton who was starting to feel awkward with how silent the others were. Logan was the first to make a move as he silently walked over to his dropped book, addressing the others;

“I suggest we take a break and gather our thoughts, everyone is too emotionally charged to discuss anything at the moment.”

Roman was the first to leave, his head held low as he didn’t want to make eye contact with the others. Logan was second but didn’t leave as fast, he put the book in one hand and turned to Patton who was sitting there in the same place looking a bit awkward with how things turned out. He opened his mouth wanting to say something to the moral side but decided against it, he didn’t want to get into a big conversation now. With that in mind he gave both Patton and Virgil a nod and left soon afterwards, leaving the two alone in the living room.

“I…Can’t help but feel like I did something wrong there…”

Patton chuckled quietly, taking his glasses off and wiping them with his top. He wasn’t expecting everyone to react so negatively, but Patton wasn’t wrong. He knew his priorities, and as Thomas’s moral side shouldn’t the others had just believed in what he felt in his heart? Leaning back on the sofa he let his head rest on the cushion.

Knock.

Patton frowned at that, it was still loud.

He never found that door. In the span of a week Patton found himself wandering the light side for hours opening every door, thinking the sound would be closer but had no results. He even visited the dark side more to meet with Deceit, which the two had developed a stronger bond. Sometimes he saw Pride as well, they didn’t approach the two like they did that day in the kitchen. They seemed to have kept their word and never told the other sides about Patton’s visits, on the one agreement that Patton would make sure the kitchen over there would be in a respectable state when he would want to cook; an agreement Patton was more than happy to oblige to. Patton was finding himself less and less in the light side and almost considered the dark side more of a home, nights of lying in Deceit’s bed listening to the music on his phone as the two would sit there in silence sometimes. Their hands brushing together gently as Patton would sometimes just lay his head to one side to face Deceit and stare at him as he would silently work on his plants or take care of his snakes on the side. Humming gently, he closed his eyes;

He never wanted to leave.

And yet the headaches carried on, the feeling of nausea overwhelming him at times that sometimes all he could do was just lay in silence and not move around. Sometimes he would be staring at the wall, his eyes wide as if he was seeing something that no one else could, his pupils wide and frantic. Deceit had asked if it was best for him to be here, but Patton always reassured him he was just tired after a long day with the others. But sometimes Deceit paused, wondering if he should ask Patton about Thomas; he never did however, assuming Virgil must had done so already…

Speaking of Virgil;

Patton looked to his left to see Virgil hadn’t left yet, he was hunched in his seat gripping his trouser legs tightly.

“Do you…regret what you said?”

His voice was low as he swallowed nervously looking at Patton. Patton looked at him softly and shuffled himself up to Virgil, bringing his knees up onto the sofa and grabbed Virgil’s hands softly taking them away from viciously digging into his trousers, marking the skin as he brought them close to his chest. Virgil breathed in shakingly as he closed his eyes trying to calm down, feeling comfort in how Patton’s thumb circled his wrist soothingly. Satisfied watching his friend calm down Patton leaned back softly and looked at Virgil’s lap, a sad knowing smile on his lips;

“No…but I’m sad that Roman got upset with me…”

Patton huffed softly, feeling Virgil tense up again as he tried again to cradle his hands in his own.

“Are you upset with me too Virg?”

Virgil whipped his head up to Patton frantically, wanting to tell him no, just that he was scared right now for him. But, Patton being the compassionate side that he was, already knew what Virgil was going to say from his expression alone. Sighing softly he leant forward and rested his head against Virgil's shoulder, bringing his arms around his sides to hug the anxious side.

Honestly? While Patton loved his family dearly and would do anything for them, It was a bit tiring. He had only come in here to see what the commotion was, he wasn't expecting everyone to have lost sleep over Thomas’s delima. Patton knew he was going to sort it out later, so why the others felt like that it was the end of the world baffled him. He was surprised as well that he was the one having to bring up Thomas’s priorities and not Logan himself! Not only that but seeing Roman so disheveled also brought a twinge of concern for the creative side, it was rare seeing Roman be present to the others without taking care of how he looked. It was what made Roman who he was; his appearance was everything, and yet he looked like a wreck.

He probably shouldn't bring it up that he had no intentions of getting Thomas to contact Joan.

Regardless of that he had to take care of Virgil right now, that was his most important priority. Looking at his hands he took a deep breath and spoke up;

“Maybe your taking this too personally Virgil?”

Wait.

He didn't mean to say that-

“I mean, if you’re really worried about Thomas then why don't we just get better friend’s that won't question us? Then we won't have to deal with this situation again.”

Or maybe….Maybe this is what he needed Virgil to hear.

“Wait...What?! Patton why would you even suggest something like that-”

Virgil slapped his hand away from Patton abruptly and started to shuffle backwards, his breathing picked up as he stared at him with fearful eyes. Patton tilted his head confused, why was Virgil acting like this? Trying to reach for his hand again,the anxious side flinched away- this was getting bothersome.

“I dont know whats gotten into you Virge, We want Thomas to be happy, so then wouldn't this help? I don't know why all of you are so distraught over this!”

Why wouldn't Virgil let him help him?

Why did Roman point a sword at him.

Why did Logan look at him like he was wrong-

He wasn't wrong. They were.

They’re wrong, they’re wrong. Wrong. Wrong. Wrong. Wrong-

Knock.

“I saw you in the dark side.”

Pattons head whipped up as Virgil spoke up, all the thoughts in his head quietening down as Virgil now sat up staring at Patton directly; “In the kitchen….Pride and Deceit, they said if you stayed there long enough you could get corrupted. I know you’ve been going there every day Patton, I...I was following you. I didn't want you to see Deceit anymore because I knew something bad would happen but I never spoke about it until now.”

What? “You followed me?”

“Patton-”

“You don't think I can cope on my own can you?” He stood up now, his hands shaking as he clenched them;

“You always do this don't you? Poor Patton is too vulnerable and weak to do anything on his own! That someone else has to come and protect me!”

Knock

“Patton please that's not what i meant-” Virgil now stood up, tears starting to streak down his cheek. Maybe Patton would’ve felt sad at that point, guilty for shouting at Virgil- but no such feelings came.

Knock

“No I know what you meant perfectly Anxiety. You look down on me just like all the others! Deceit actually makes me happy, He trusts me a hell lot more than you ever have!”

The headaches returned.

The vile feeling in his throat returning.

“Come look for me Patton.”

He threw up.

Virgil stood in horror covering his mouth as black blood came spilling out of Patton's mouth onto the floor- it was much more than he saw a week ago. It began pooling on the floor as Patton hacked in agony, clutching his chest and gripping onto his shirt like a lifeline as his body began to shake violently. His eyes were frantic and wide as he kept staring at the floor, tears falling from his face as the shaky sobs became loud laughter as he whipped his head back, laughing hysterically clutching his sides. Shadows started to form from each corner of the room as they slowly joined into Patton’s shadow, when he stood up the shadows spread out like vines all over the floor covering the room in a thick darkness. His balance was all over the place as he kept stepping from side to side wobbling. A sickening smile painted his lips as he kept giggling to himself quietly, his eyes were starting to turn a different colour… Instead of the light blue glow, it was a faint yellow colour starting to wash over.

Virgil watched in horror as he quickly tried to back away from all of the shadows that started to creep up on him. This was bad, this was EXTREMELY bad. Patton wasn't going to listen to him, and if he called the others in they might be in serious danger- the darkside was starting to take its hold on Patton, and from the looks of things it was worse than he originally thought.

Patton wasn't aware of what was around him in that moment, the only thoughts in his head was that stupid door. He needed to find it- he needed to belong. Voices kept whispering in his head one by one;

“We’re waiting for you”

“You’re nearly ready to open the door Patton”

“Then we can be together forever”

“Your rooms almost ready”

“Patton you need to stop this!”

Virgil called out desperately trying to block those voices out but only brought him trouble as Patton looked to Virgil as if he couldn't recognise the side in front of him, his hand slowly lifting up as suddenly Virgil was forced back by a shadow that had manifested and grabbed Virgil by the neck, slamming him onto the wall behind him, his head hitting first causing a sharp pain to wash over him. The shadow wouldn't let go of him either, his hands trying to grab onto the claws that pinned him, but every time he tried to touch the shadow his hand would phase through. His legs kicking back and forth as his fight or flight reflexes were starting to kick into overdrive- he needed to get out he couldn't breathe-

“I-I can’t breathe...Patton please….I’m sorry….”

He cried out as Patton just stared at him, void of emotion or sympathy as he walked towards Virgil looking at him curiously. To Patton, everything was becoming fuzzy, like ripples in the water he couldn't calm down to see the bigger picture. Virgil was barely more than a whisper in his head that couldn't compete with the other voices. His form was barely recognisable, as if someone had decided to filter his memories of the other side. Yet...watching the other side cry made his heart ache. Something was wrong here…

“What am I…”

He murmured looking at Virgil trying to decipher what was provoking these tears that started to fall freely down his cheeks. His heart aching as he reached out to touch Virgil's face, brushing a thumb against his cheek as it suddenly came to him-

“V-Virgil-”

His eyes widened as he suddenly snapped out of his state. The shadows suddenly retreated back into his own as Virgil fell to the floor, coughing and wheezing for air as Patton felt his legs go weak. He stepped backwards as far as he could in fear not noticing the coffee table behind him as he stacked over the side crashing his back onto the edge causing the table to tip over dropping glasses and trinkets onto the floor. And yet Patton paid no attention to the mess he made as he started to breathe heavily and quickly-

He had hurt Virgil.

Oh god he was suffocating his best friend-

What was wrong with him!?

Virgil sat up gripping his throat, his breathing finally evening out as he looked up to see Patton covering his mouth crying loudly at what he had done. Feeling his heart break Virgil tried to speak out for Patton but coughed harshly, knowing he wouldn't be able to speak just yet with how sore his throat was. This only made Patton wail harder as he gripped his hair shaking scared curling into a ball. Determined not to let Patton suffer he crawled over reaching out for the smaller side- he needed to let Patton know it was ok, they would fix this together, that he forgave him.

But when Patton saw Virgil reach out he panicked and scrambled backwards trying to stand up;

“Virgil I’m sorry- Im so sorry- You were right there's something wrong with me-”

He babbled out trying to control his breathing but his heart just kept thrashing in his chest as if it was to burst with fear.

He had to get out of here-

Taking the step forwards, Virgil panicked and tried to shout for Patton to stop,but the moral side already dashed out of the room into the hallway as fast as he could. Virgil's voice was nothing more than a faded memory as he sprinted down the hallway in fear; the rooms that once brought him warmth and comfort now felt like a prison. Reminding him that he didn't belong here anymore- he was tainted. Wrong. What the hell was going on? Nothing made sense any more, god he probably was all wrong about Thomas as well. What he told the others, how he didnt care, god no wonder they were freaked out by him. Feeling the tears fall heavily,he heaved exhausted expecting to be lost for hours running in the mindscape that no longer felt familiar to him. But as if fate was just mocking him, the door to the darkside appeared just around the corner. His heart pounding as he slowed down starting at the door, a shaky smile on his face upon seeing it.

Home.

Hurrying inside he felt the cool embrace of the realm fill his senses as he began to calm down, only if slightly as he wiped his eyes. He needed to find Deceit right away….

Following the path he had always taken, it didn't take long for him to find his room, the shadows followed behind Patton underneath the floorboards. They didn't scare him this time, no..it felt reassuring to know they were present near him. They wouldn't harm him either, he had learnt after coming to the dark realm over and over, instead they would just linger around or swim past him. Some spoke to him, like the voices in his head, telling him he wasn't ready yet or if something interested him. Some swam ahead as a guide for Patton to find Deceit’s room as he took a shaky breath and knocked on the door.

He needed to tell Deceit what happened….

The door clicked open as Deceit peered out looking tired, his hair in a ruffled mess no doubt he had taken a nap as he was about to growl at whoever interrupted him. But when he saw Patton his expression softened momentarily only to see the tears form on Patton's face, leaving marks behind as he opened the door fully looking concerned.

“Pat…? What's wrong?”

Patton felt his heart warm up seeing Deceit in front of him; he felt safe. He needed to tell Deceit that something was wrong and he needed his help, if anyone could help him it would be the dark side….

“I don't want to live in the light side anymore Dee, they all turned on me...Virgil started shouting at me for seeing you- that he couldn't trust me.”

That's not what he wanted to say-

His eyes widened when he realised what he just said to Deceit. The look of pure shock but soon seething rage filled the dark side’s expression as he gripped the door handle tightly. Patton needed to tell him he was wrong, it wasn't them who hurt him! But soon that panicking thought was starting to be washed away once more...his mind becoming foggy as he started to forget that….

It was their fault.

“Christ ok- come in Patton...You’re not welcome here anytime.”

Deceit murmured trying to control his bitterness at the other sides as he gently led Patton inside his room and sat him on the bed, when Patton was comfortable he started to look around his room for his pet snake which was snoozing on a little basket Patton had brought him. Gently cupping the snake he brought it over to Patton knowing the moral side felt safe when he was holding one. Along with that he grabbed some blankets and sat down beside Patton, putting it around them to keep them warm as Patton leant his head against Deceit shoulder humming in appreciation. The tears slowly died down till he had a calm expression on his face. The internal struggle had faded and Patton had forgotten what he was so panicked about to warn Deceit in the first place…

“Patton…”

After a moment of silence of letting Patton calm down on Deceits side, he decided to speak up, his hands gripping the blanket as he took a deep breath.

“I don't care about you. More than you could ever imagine. I thought I liked you, coming into my life thinking you could change me so easily. But...being with you has been horrible, something I wish I could close- guh if you wanted to…”

Feeling frustrated that all of his words were coming out as lies, he quickly put his hand towards the snake on Patton's lap letting it bite him as he felt a shiver up his spine as the venom went in. Quickly licking the blood, he shuddered and turned around now to face Patton, touching his shoulder gently as the smaller side looked to him in anticipation. His eyes were wide and curious, staring so deeply into Deceit’s as he took a deep breath:

“You could...stay with me?”

He whispered out as Patton's breath hitched;

“I know though this place isn't safe for you, so why don't we find somewhere to go together? I don't mind staying in the light realm with you if it's safer-”

“No. I want to stay here, it's perfect.”

The two inched closer together as they felt the world around them tune out, their heads pressed together softly as Patton gently took ahold of Deceits hand stroking it softly. Deceit chuckled softly and hummed in appreciation as he cupped Patton's cheek gently resulting in Patton stealing a kiss from him. Deceits eyes widened at the sudden display of affection, but had no arguments as Patton broke the kiss off early, feeling flustered he did such a thing- but Deceit leant in to steal a kiss of his own, one that lasted longer… The two hugging now in an loving embrace.

Until…

Cough! Hack!

Patton withdrew from the kiss, coughing roughly as he tried to hold his throat for it to clear. Deceit knew very well about Patton’s coughs but what panicked him in that moment from the norm was the blood seeping from his lips.

“Patton, you’re bleeding-”

“Its alright Dee, it's nothing serious, I just had a bad cough earlier so my throats still a little sore…”

He weakly spoke as he wiped the blood from his mouth but felt another heave sent through his chest as he started to cough up more blood that splattered into his hands. Or...if you could call it blood… It looked like the same substance the shadows would leave behind sometimes when manifesting themselves. Knowing this was a bad sign he stood up immediately taking Patton’s hands.

“We need to take you back, this place isn't helping you Patton.”

Patton looked up in a panic tugging away.

“No Dee please I'm fine- I don't want to go back.”

“But you’re coughing up blood Patton! Listen if we go back to the light realm the effects wear off right? If we stay there until you get better-”

“IT DOESN'T MATTER WHERE I AM!”

Patton shouted slapping his hand away as he stood up glaring angrily. His eyes starting to wash over to that yellow gaze once more.

“It doesn't matter which realm im in, i'm still having headaches, i'm still coughing my lungs up Deceit. Don't you get it? I’m being rejected and the only place i should be right now is in that stupid room!”

“Room? Patton what room-”

Knock

Oh god it was coming back….Clutching his head, Patton whined, feeling his head feel like it was splitting apart. Wobbling he fell back onto the bed curling up feeling the pain take over. His body was rejecting him. It was trying to kill the good in him.... Tearing up he shook his head trying to erase the corrupting thoughts taking over but the voices were so loud.

Deceit panicked at the sight as he wasn't sure what to even do- How the hell did he not notice how bad Patton was getting. Unless. The mindscape wanted everyone to feel like Patton was doing alright. Frantically looking around, he knew the Shadows were at his door now, they wanted Patton. God how did he not notice what was going on-

“Patton you need to block those voices out, they're trying to turn you into a dark side, you need to get out of here before it's too late-”

“Your room’s ready Patton.”

The crying suddenly stopped as Patton let his arms fall to his side as he looked back up, his expression of pain and torment became one of relief and happiness. Deceit felt a shiver down his spine knowing that Patton wasn't paying attention to him anymore.

Suddenly the door burst open as a wave of darkness started to pour into the room, the illuminated floor started to crack as something was trying to break out. Knowing they had to get out of there Deceit tried to run for Patton to reach for him but was thrown backwards by the shadows. One walked towards Patton with a hand outstretched to escort him out.

Like hell they would!

Kicking back the beasts, he whistled for one of his snakes that was lazing around the window still to jump and attack one of the shadows nearest to Patton. While it worked momentarily, its teeth sinking into the figure, the snake found self in contact with the shadows fist as it was thrown backwards onto the window. But it was persistent, knowing it couldn't defeat the shadows that now surrounded Patton, it jumped and slithered its way as fast as it could to Pattons leg and wrapped itself around his foot to make sure it wouldn't lose Patton.

Meanwhile Deceit was throwing punches at any shadow that tried to approach him with the intentions of knocking him out, his voice raw from screaming at them to get away from Patton but ultimately he couldn't get anywhere near him...There was too many and they were insistent;

“Why are you getting in our way Deceit?”

“Wouldn't you be happy? Morality gets to finally join us as a dark side, he won't have to leave you anymore”

“You got exactly what you wanted.”

No...No this isn't what he wanted!

Feeling a sharp pain in his face after being punched and tripped up by another shadow, he fell down, feeling them kick him one after the other refusing to let him stand up. Some shadows merged from the floor to grab his wrists and legs to stop him from moving as he thrashed in anger wanting to be free. He could see in the corner of his eyes Patton starting to move now with the shadows, following with a look of content in his face- yet his eyes...That would make him feel lost in such love and warmth was void...they held no real expression. And yet Patton was smiling following them as if he was in some sort of dream like state.

Deceit felt his heart ache. What did he want? At first he wanted to make Patton hate him, to stop trying to touch his heart with hopes of making him a better person. Deceit was always content with being alone, he didn't need anyone to like him. But Patton never forced anything on Deceit, he didn't look at him with pity but rather was happy to be around the dark side. Maybe a part of Deceit knew actually...that something like this would’ve happened. Pride and Virgil had warned him. He could’ve solved this if he just decided that it was better to stay with Patton in the light side, but he didn't...he selfishly let Patton keep coming day after day because he couldn't give up what they had...

“Patton... I’m sorry…Im so so sorry…”

He weakly called out but felt another sharp pain as he felt another blow to the stomach this time catching the air from his throat as he felt his vision starting to blur, black spots appearing as his head spun feeling queasy. Patton had not paid attention to Deceit either, being lead calmly by the shadows into the hallway as Deceit tried again to get back up but found no strength.

Fear however washed over him as he knew what was coming. Beneath the glass floor something pounded against the surface over and over creating tidal waves that raged beneath them the walls around them shaking as the eyes all started to look into the center with anticipation, the glass cracking as Patton was lead to the centre just above the shadow. Turning around in that split second Patton looked to Deceit with a soft smile and mouthed something Deceit couldn't hear over the own screams of his voice as he tried to reach out.

The glass below patton shattered and what rose from the water looked like leviathan itself had manifested itself into the darksiders mindscape, screeching loudly causing any glass around them to shatter violently as it grabbed Patton with its large hand dragging him underwater in less than a second.

“Wait for me Dee.”

#Sanders sides #mociet #sympathetic deceit #ts patton #patton sanders #ts deceit #deceit sanders #ts virgil #virgil sanders #ts roman #ts logan #fanfiction #tw: vomit #tw: blood #shit hits the fan real fast here #id say we've hit the halfway mark #it will get better eventually! its still a good ending i can assure you~#writing

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comicteaparty · 4 years

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December 25th-December 31st, 2019 Reader Favorites Archive

The archive for the Reader Favorites chat that occurred from December 25th, 2019 to December 31st, 2019. The chat focused on the following question:

While being respectful, what’s a comic you think is objectively great but is just not to your subjective tastes?

carcarchu

the first one that comes to mind is purple hyacinth https://www.webtoons.com/en/drama/purple-hyacinth/list?title_no=1621&page=1 by all means i should love this series. i think the art and premise are great but for some intangible reason it just doesn't jive with me for some reason. i still recommend it to others and it's not like i don't read it but personally it just didn't make it feel anything

snuffysam

Honestly? Most of the comics I've read as part of #week_long_bookclub and #comment_storm fall under that umbrella. The vast majority of comics I've been introduced to through the CTP activities are really quite good (there's been exactly one in the book club that I couldn't stomach, and it was because of content/writing i personally found overly edgy & distasteful) - but for one reason or another, they're just not the type of comic I want to keep up with regularly. Too slice-of-life-y, too sad, i couldn't visually distinguish the characters that well, a super-sporadic update schedule/is on hiatus/is getting rebooted, the parts of the story I liked are clearly not things the author wants to focus on moving forward, a non-functional/poorly organized website, etc. All very good in their own right, but for one reason or another is not something I'd want to read one page at a time.

Eightfish

@snuffysam I feel similarly that most of the comics in the book club are not my cup of tea (haha). I wonder if it would be different if some of the comics there were reader suggested instead of author suggested?

keii4ii

I think CTP should remain author-submitted. Readers could suggest to the authors to submit their comic, though.

the majority of comics I encounter everywhere aren't my bag of tea, TBH. And that's probably a big part of the reason why I'm making my own. Gotta feed my inner reader's needs, one way or another

A lot of Western-written comedy, specifically, are lost on me for cultural reasons. Often they seem to be referencing something that I'm not aware of. Or they have to be read in a specific tone that's lost on me, and probably would make a bit more sense to me if voice-acted. Things like that.

Cronaj

For me it's usually art style. I'm pretty picky about art style, and I know for a fact that I'm missing out on a lot of good comics simply because the art styles are not to my tastes. Any style that's too cutesy, simplistic, or "generic" anime just doesn't call to me. There have been outliers that have managed to draw me in anyway, despite the art style, but not a lot. I also just tend to not like gag-a-day comics or slice-of-life. If there isn't a larger story, I get kind of bored. That being said, I also don't tend to enjoy most superhero/ strictly action comics, simply because I can recognize the tropes from a mile away. Not that they're bad, just... outdated? In fact, I LOVE superhero movies, but most superhero movies have adapted the tropes into a new form for the big screen. Here's an example of a comic that I've seen around, laughed at a few of the jokes, and then never felt the desire to consistently read it, just because it's not my style. Brutally Honest: (https://tapas.io/series/Brutally-Honest)

LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)

I find myself having the same problem with webcomics that I do with other media - I like to feel like I’m escaping reality. Stories set in our world are hard for me to sit through comfortably. That automatically makes general slice-of-life and romance stories hard for me to get into, unless there’s a strong fantasy/supernatural/sci-fi element to them. That already puts a lot of webcomics out of my range. Because there are SO MANY high school slice of life romance drama webcomics out there. Some of which I know are very highly rated and probably great. They’re just not what my brain craves

Tuyetnhi

strangely enough anything with western high fantasy elements I usually don't read as much compared to romance or slice of life comics lmao

kinda in the same spot to what keii said: a lot of western themes get lost for me and I feel like I need to put my own spin on things if that make sense

Nutty (Court of Roses)

To be fair and honest... I don't really have comics I don't enjoy, or I guess fall too far outside my tastes? Out of the ones I've read, anyways! My reasoning is that I just don't have TIME to read too many comics out there, so when I decide for myself that yes, I'm going to sit down and commit myself to this comic, I look for and find things to enjoy about it, even if it's not normally my cup of tea. The story, the art, the style, the jokes... I try to keep an open mind and enjoy whatever I have the chance to get into, because as an artist I think about the person behind the comic and what kind of story they're trying to tell. I just... really like comics ahahah I wish I had more time to read more!!!!(edited)

FeatherNotes

I agree with @LadyLazuli (Phantomarine) on the 'set in our world ' bit! I find it difficult as well to immerse myself im stories that are in our world with exceptions of an alternate reality or large enough twist that would really differ from what the setting is. Slice of life doesn't really appeal to me, mainly because many comics don't have very stand out designs/personalities for characters that i would gravitate to. To be more specific to the question however, there are certainly quite a few amazing looking comics that don't really float my boat simply bc of style or execution of story or whatnot! Ive been reading one recently that hasn't really stuck to me or left any impact character/story wise, but.....im still reading it! so there def must be something!

Octoflamingo

There are a lot of comics I like but I find myself not reading them after I get to where they last update. I just rarely check in afterwards and usually by the time I do I’ve forgot the plot. I feel that every time I go back to a comic I have to read it all over again to get back to where I was. That can be really time consuming the longer the series is. I also try not to pick up long story oriented series if they aren’t finished because I know I’ll never get to the end of them.

Bear

I say this as a person in the LGBT+ community: I’ve become very tired of comics that centre around a person coming out. Which sucks because they’re super important! But I’ve lived the struggle, everyone close to me has lived the struggle. It’s tiring. What I want is genre stories where the characters are LGBT+, but that’s not necessarily the focus. Luckily in webcomics that’s easier to find. I still have to dig through coming out stories to find them though.

Deo101

Gotta say, super agree with that one Bear.

Eightfish

Same. I like stories where characters are just casually LGBT. Even to the point where they won't even mention that they're gay or lesbian and instead just show up in a gay relationship or naturally bring up their attraction to the same sex. Steven Universe does this really well, I think.

Oh and speaking of suggesting authors to sign up their comics, I think I could have a lot to say about @LadyLazuli (Phantomarine) 's Phantomarine (: Maybe in a few months when the comic gets a little more ahead in the plot?

LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)

@Eightfish I may submit it after this chapter is done around the beginning of February! I do wish I were further ahead, but there will still be plenty to say after this one wraps up. Thank you for the encouragement!

RebelVampire

If I'm just speaking in general, usually comedy and slice-of-life comics will fall into this category for me even if they're fantastic. I am very, very particular about comedy and slice-of-life. Especially comedy, as I'm usually very specific about the sort of stuff that actually makes me laugh and entertains me. So honestly, a lot of comedy in comics is just not my jam. In a more specific comic sense, Kamikaze to name just one of many: https://kamikazeanimated.com/comic/ The art in the comic is fantastic, the characters really fleshed out and interesting, and even some of the comedy I like. Objectively, I think this is a fantastic comic with a ton of effort put behind it and one everyone should give a chance. That being said, for me personally, I just can't get into the pacing. It's a bit too slow for me even if I think objectively it works fine. So while it's a comic I might enjoy in bulk reads, as a page-by-page thing I just can't do it.

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

To be honest, I can’t really name any comics? I tend to like just about any comic that’s really well done. Obviously I have my preferred genres, but I simply don’t seek out comics that aren’t my thing. If I do read past the first few pages of an objectively well-made comic, chances are I’m going to stick around snd keep reading.

Eightfish

Maybe my own comic? Not that I think it's objectively great, but it is of course more completely to my own taste than any other comic out there. Yet if I try to read my own comic I can't glean any enjoyment out of it over the overwhelming feeling of hearing my own recorded voice played back to me. Anyone else?

keii4ii

That's an interesting answer! I can't say I feel 100% the same, but I can relate to perhaps a facet or two of it.

I don't really read my comic either, after all, even though it's an honest reflection of what I want to read.

Eightfish

Thing is I have another short comic from about 6 years ago that I am now far removed from enough to read objectively. And I notice things I think are well done that I didn't notice before and big flaws that I haven't considered 6 years ago. So I'm worried since I can't read my current comic objectively I don't know what I need to improve on

keii4ii

That's definitely a struggle for me as well. It's what constructive critiques are for, BUT it's not easy finding someone willing, able and well suited to critique your work.

I used to actively solicit concrit on my comic. While I appreciate that every critic spent their time and effort genuinely trying to be helpful, the actual critiques weren't always helpful. You have to be a good critic (it takes skills), and you have to be the right critic for that specific story.

🌈ERROR404 🌈

I totally agree on that keii, a lot of people see concrit as the solution for every issue, but that's just bound for trouble. There are a lot more bad and mediocre critiques than well stated and usable ones

keii4ii

Yeah. There's a reason why the services of a good editor are so highly valued!

Cronaj

I think the problem is that most people who offer critiques are trying to shape the story in a way that they themselves would enjoy more, and not necessarily an objective improvement to the existing story. Offering a critique that also preserves the essence and heart of a story is extremely difficult.(edited)

Eightfish

Also when critique is contradictory- " I love how your comic gets right into the interesting part" vs. " I was really confused by the intro " But I don't know what side I would be on if I was a reader because as the author I would never be confused by my own story.(edited)

keii4ii

Yeah, and even when you get two crits on the same "side" it's possible that it's just skewed data due to small sample size. Like, maybe both of the critics are simply not your target audience. I've found that it helps a LOT if you ask specific questions, instead of just asking for a concrit. Coming up with good questions can be very difficult, though! One I've asked in the past is "did you lose interest while reading the comic? If so, at what point(s)?" and I got helpful answers from that, even from people who weren't the target audience.

Kelsey (Kurio)

I admit, I’m not the best at critiquing, like trying to bring to mind things other than “art looks nice” or “I like that joke” or whatnot

Though I guess it gets easier the more I read and mull over something

🌈ERROR404 🌈

it's sometimes hard to find something good and worthwhile to critique LOL

Kelsey (Kurio)

And of course, how does one define “objective improvement” with works of art/media? Outside of things like improving grammar, but what about in cases where it’s like that on purpose? It’s real hard to be totally objective with criticism when you think about it, even when you try to be objective

keii4ii

This might be getting off topic for the channel, but I think it's better to think of it as "effective for the goals of this work" rather than "objective." If you do X in your work on purpose, but X is not appealing to your target demographic, that's not effective. You need to either not do X, or re-define your target demographic. (Not necessarily the only options in that situation, but you get the point.)

Cronaj

I definitely think that "effective" is a better word for what I meant. It's all about intent. For example, most people generally agree that art style should be consistent in a comic, BUT in some cases (especially in comedy) switching up the art style for a scene or a panel to emphasize a point or subvert expectations (thus making the scene potentially funnier) is a very "effective" inconsistency. Basically, if something is effective for telling the story or instilling a mood, the objective view basically becomes null.

DanitheCarutor

I can get into almost anything, there are very few stories I have trouble with, even if it's a genre I wouldn't normally like. Although there are a couple that I'm really picky with, and that's gag-a-day comics or general comedy. The only ones I can think I've actively read off the top of my head are Oglaf, Perry Bible Fellowship and more recently, Woman World. Other than those few the genres never catch my interest, I'm more for story/character driven comics, with plot and stuff like that. Sometimes a comic doesn't click regardless of genre, for example: Homestuck I tried sooo hard to read this one to see what the hype was about, but the farthest I've ever gotten was maybe 50 pages after several attempts, and that's not because it's bad! The comic just didn't click, and regardless of my taste I probably would recommend it to someone who likes those types of comics.

#ctparchive #comics #webcomics #indie comics #comic chat #comic discussion #comic tea party #ctp #reader favorites

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unsexy-leprechaun · 5 years

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essay on ml romance

Don’t get me wrong, I love Kagami, but her and luka’s introduction to the show was a major downturn.

Like we were promised that they wouldn’t just be love triangle fodder, but look at how the writing treats them. Yes they have their own character at least, with kagami’s mom’s expectations etc (which is a copypaste of adriens struggles but wtv), and luka’s....... whatever.

But the writing is just like “oh no, we can’t let adri or mari spend any time with a person of the opposite gender or they might fall in love”

Which is a bit too yandere for my tastes tbh. Let adrien and kagami be friends, sheesh. People lost their appetite for love triangles a decade ago guys.

It might have been slightly better if they were like, established characters before all of this. Like if they were at least explored as much as the classmates were previously, so they felt a bit like human beings. The classmates have had like no screentime recently anyway so you developed them and dumped them to bring in other undeveloped characters as plot devises.

I get it tho, adri and mari’s “will they, won’t they” is what is driving the series. you can’t just have them get together, there has to be obstacles. But you wanted an overarching plot in a serialised show. so you cant have the episodes out of order confusing to casual viewers, if they went from not being able to talk to eachother to friends it would be jarring.

But like, guys, my dudes, they way ur going is that they are going to be awkward crushing from afar right up til the last ep, confess, and get together. which is just, bad romance writing. romance requires the characters to like... interact with eachother yeah? see how their personalities interact with eachother, playful banter, overcome differences.

They’ve tried to do this with the love square, I think? but they wasted an opportunity. ladynoir had them actually interacting, but now its about chat’s onesided love. ladrien is just an extension of maris crush on adrien but in a suit, and vice versa. marichat is the one that made sense to be platonic but they like, no we can’t have them be friends and get to know eachother, lets shove in a romantic plot even tho neither of them likes eachother that way.

I get that the show draws heavily upon magical girl genres, but those worked for a reason. generally we got the protag crushing on a bland dude in the first ep, sure. but then it actually progressed. like she would witness him taking care of an abandoned cat or smth. we get adriens sad backstory from neutral perspective. mari isnt slowly getting to see more of him, which is why she comes off as a creeper to some people. and honestly its part of the reason adrien is bland. if we saw snippets of his life being neglected, it would feel sad or deep. but we are shown every minute of it so many times. so its like yeah ok, what else have you got. its boring. at least give him a goal in life, other than ‘be loved by people’. even if his goal is to give money to charity, give me something. this boy is entirely defined by his relationship to others.

And... lets get to marinette. I like marinette, i do. she has a personality and drive that i like. that said, people love to shit on her. fandom and writers. and u know what? I can’t blame them. mari is a bit of a creeper. yes she is a schoolgirl with a crush, but there are like limits yeah? posting photos all over her room, stalking, stealing his things, creating a timetable of his schedule, not wanting him to spend time with other girls. these are not normal schoolgirl crush things. this is yandere-101. and the show does treat these as flaws, kinda, and im ok with her having flaws as a character- i’d be mad if she didnt. but how is this going to resolve itself.

what lesson is it teaching kids if she actually gets together with him, “just follow him everywhere and think about him every second of the day, base ur life choices around him and never let anyone else get to him and you’ll be rewarded”. they obviously need to have some kind of revelation moment where mari stops worshipping him, throws out her posters or smth, and decides to get her fix by spending time with him instead. the writers had the perfect excuse with jagged stone barging in and calling her out, but they cant fix this. because serialised show. they can’t have her grow or move on because then its too jarring out of order or smth. they are trying to cater to a wider audience (adults/teens etc) with the long-term plots but also want to keep it casually consumable to the average 5 year old. you need to pick guys.

if its primarily a kids show, its going to be all monotone until its summed up in a finale. which is fine, usually. the big bad is defeated and all is saved by the power of friendship. I’m ok with that plot tbh.

but no, they chose a romantic base, and gave their villains sympathetic backgrounds. they chose more involved topics to explore. ones that require progression and growth. so they either have the finale with the couple getting together out of nowhere, or the big bad is given a slap on the wrist but redeemed with no consequences. either of them is a pretty bad moral lesson for kids tbh.

- yeah i’m not always entirely correct here, these are just some vent thoughts, im not really trying to police anyone. take this with a grain of salt because this was just born from personal salt-

#ml salt #miraculous ladybug #Kagami Tsurugi #luka couffaine #adrienette

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vintagesewingmachine · 6 years

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The Shadowsinger - Azriel - 2/?

Azriel struggles to contain his feelings- for Elain, for Mor, and for himself- and a jewel thief is running around Velaris, causing confusion. With Cassian in Illyria, Azriel feels alone with his darkness. Into this mess waltzes a stranger, an enigma who calls herself Amuten with a mysterious past and connection to Amren.

Warnings: angst, depressed thoughts, dark Azriel, cold Azriel, No worry, there is happy Az too. My OC is pretty important too (not really a warning just a side note)

<<Previous -- Next>>

Azriel quietly picked at his breakfast as familiar voices chattered away. Mor had spent the night somewhere else. He ignored the old pang of rejection and self-loathing.

“So, Az, what were you doing last night that prevented you from coming out with us?” Rhys raised a dark eyebrow.

Azriel leveled a blank stare at him before turning back to his toast. “Is it mandatory that you know where I was last night?”

Before anyone could reply, Elain rushed through the door.

“I’m so sorry I’m late,” she said, cheeks flushed and hair tousled. She was wearing a soft green dress with pale yellow embroidery.

Azriel immediately brightened. Elain, with all of her flowery bright goodness, made him feel less... well, less.

“Hello, Elain,” Azriel said softly.

“Good morning Azriel,” she replied brightly.

She took a seat across from him and smiled, serving herself a muffin and some fruit. His shadows retreated a bit, something similar to amusement and affection emanating from them. To clarify, the amusement was directed towards Azriel and the affection towards Elain. Azriel joined in the conversation more readily with Elain.

“Some new flowers have bloomed in my greenhouse. Would you like to see them?” Elain asked Azriel shyly.

Azriel smiled. “Of course.”

*****

A solitary male sat in a secluded section of Velaris’s library, flipping through old tomes covered in dust. It had been a week since he met Amuten. He had spent a few days with Elain, showing her shops in Velaris or helping her garden. The rest of the time he was doing spymaster stuff. Last evening and today, however, he had put some effort into figuring out what Amuten meant. He had found a mention of a powerful, mysterious female in an ancient tome from what seemed like another world. Which had led him here. But he and his shadows had yet to find anything more substantial.

Azriel squinted at the cramped writing on the page. It was in another language, one that had a lot of small pictures. But it looked like someone had written some notes at the bottom. With the name Amuten. It was from thousands of years ago. Azriel sighed. He probably would have better luck tracking the mysterious female down and asking her.

Fun.

He shut the book, stood up and stretched, extending his full wingspan (he does have the biggest after all, wink wink) which made his wingtips brush the bookshelves.

Yeah, he has a large wingspan.

Snapping his wings shut, he strode down the hall, smiling and nodding to the priestesses. He liked the library. It was quiet and had a lot of shadows, and contained centuries and centuries of knowledge.

A shadow curled up to his ear. The High Lord just received an interesting letter signed by several shop-owners.

Azriel immediately winnowed into Rhys’s office.

Rhys looked up, looking only mildly surprised to see his spymaster. He offered Azriel the letter, which the shadowsinger proceeded to scan.

Most Esteemed High Lord and Lady,

A situation regarding the Palace of Jewels in Velaris has become out of hand, pushing us to ask your help. If it weren’t so serious, we would have never disturbed you and your mate. But several shops, mostly jewelry shops, have been robbed of their most prized jewels recently. The strangest thing is that the first shop to be stolen from have had the large ruby and gold necklace returned, in the exact spot it had been before. We await to see if the thief returns the other stolen items. We do, however, wish your investigation. Thank you for your time.

Sincerely, (Bunch of shop owner names im too lazy to make up)

Azriel looked back at his High Lord with raised brows. “A jewel thief? In Velaris? That returns the stolen items?”

Rhys shrugged. “It would seem so. Care to take a look around?”

Azriel nodded affirmative and vanished into darkness.

*****

Sweat poured down Azriel’s body as a clash rang through the training area. He and Rhysand were stuck in a violent dance, involving sharp weapons. They had been going at it for a while now, and both had removed their shirts.

Rhys swung his blade at Azriel’s legs, and he jumped, but instead of landing he winnowed behind his brother and tackled him from behind, forcing Rhys to abandon his weapon. They wrestled on the ground for a bit before Azriel won by rolling onto his back with Rhysand on top of him, but facing up, with a dagger against his throat. Both breathed heavily for a moment before they jumped up in surprise.

“Oh!”

Elain was standing in the entryway, blushing as she took in the two male, shirtless bodies, glistening with sweat in the morning light.

“Elain,” was Azriel’s startled response. His shadows hadn’t warned him. They seem to make a game of not warning him when Elain was near.

“I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt,” Elain said, now blushing furiously as she looked at Azriel, stubbornly keeping her eyes fixed on his face.

A small part of him took satisfaction in the fact that she was flustered by his bare torso.

He immediately responded with, “No, you weren’t interrupting anything,” and took an involuntary step forward. Now Azriel was blushing. Why was he blushing?

Rhys snickered at the two blushing persons. Azriel shot him a glare and turned around to his shirt, shrugging it back on and then taking a long drink from his water. He drank for an abnormal amount of time to distract himself from the suddenly-thick atmosphere. He grew uncomfortably warm as he realized Elain was not-so-subtly staring at him as his throat bobbed as he swallowed. Rhys watched in amused silence.

This went on for waaaaaaaaay too long.

Like, Azriel drained his water, and then panicked without an excuse not to say anything, too long, before Rhys finally broke the awkward silence. Azriel cursed him for waiting so long.

“So, what can I do for you, Elain?”

“Oh, um, I was just looking for Feyre, but she’s not here, so...” More awkward silence.

Fun.

“Well, I’ll be going then,” Elain breathed, flustered, and hurried out of the room.

Azriel couldn’t help the sigh of relief that escaped his lips. Rhys swaggered up to him, smirking.

“Little flustered there, Az?”

“Shut-up,” the shadowsinger muttered.

Rhysand chuckled. “You know, she spent the entire time staring, wide-eyed, at you drinking that water. Apparently, you drink water rather erotically.”

Azriel choked, making Rhysand laugh harder. His brother patted him on the back heartily. “Go get ‘em, tiger,” he whispered before winnowing away.

Azriel took a deep breath to cool down and wipe the embarrassment away, leaving a clean, cold slate. After centuries of keeping his emotions locked up tight, and wearing an inscrutable, unreadable mask, it had gotten to the point where most of the time he had to consciously remember and draw the emotion on his slate of a face.

All that was thrown out the window where Elain was involved. Even with Mor he was able to disguise his true feelings. He shook himself from his reverie. He had no business with having feelings about Elain. He had no emotions. He repeated this in his head whenever he felt something.

He never considered how depressing that mantra was, poor guy.

******

That night, he returned to his clearing. Another nightmare had torn him from sleep. This one was full of Cassian being brutally murdered, wings shredded, guts hanging out. The images were actually memories. It was the not-surviving part that fictitious.

He stared up at the cloud-covered sky from his customary spot underneath the cedar tree, not bothering to try and soothe the swirling dark emotions inside. Guilt. He should have been able to prevent those horrid things from happening to his brother. Fear. What if it happened again? Self-loathing. How weak did you have to be to be unable to save your own brother?

His eyes glazed over. Soon, he was in a never-ending cycle of those three feelings. Mor. Why did she constantly reject him? Was he not good enough? Is something wrong with him? Of course somethings wrong with him. He clenched his scarred hands together. Cassian. Did his brother hate him for not being able to be more helpful when he was being shredded? Of course not. Cassian was too good of a person for that. If Azriel was in his place, he would hate himself. Because he wasn’t a good person. How could he be, with so much blood on his hands?

His shadows became anxious, closing in on him, uncertain what to do about their singer’s roiling emotions that were as dark as the clouded night. Tonight, there were no stars, no light to help him. Just darkness. Soon the darkness was becoming too much, too much like that basement so long ago. Darkness surrounded him. His shadows reflected his fear and how pathetic and weak he was. They didn’t know how to help, and ended up making it worse. Azriel started breathing heavily, started rocking back and forth. Painful memories flashed behind his eyes.

The first time he interrogated someone for information. How many had he tortured? He had lost count decades ago.

Fifty years of his brother and High Lord trapped Under the Mountain. Why hadn’t he been able to help? He was too pathetic.

Broken.

Weak.

Pathetic.

Guilty.

The list went on, like a broken record inside his mind. Finally he snapped, with a shout, and the shadows fled in fear and confusion. He couldn't help the tears the streamed down his face as he spiraled down, and down, and down .

#azriel #just azriel #shadowsinger #shadows #acotar #acofas #acomaf #acowar #oc #a little bit #elriel #just a smidge #spymaster #angst #part two #the shadowsinger

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harveyman-wsc42 · 3 years

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Evaluation

-3 pieces of artist research that has impacted my work.

Katrien De Blauwer

her unique collage style gave me a new perspective on the impotence of construction and selection.

Mike Mignola

such a unique and relaxed art style which resonates with me.

MF DOOM

A rapper who I researched. His godlike ability to rap with the most unique flows ever. Has created his own universe with lots of different characters played by him. He really was the prime example of doing what you want to the best possible standard.

-ideas behind my work

Ideas behind my work generally come from everyday life, I tend to stick to my own and although I do have respect for other artists I would like to consider my work individual, and as an insight to my mind and imagination. Absurdity, as an artist I would like to challenge whoever looks at my work with I would like to do a lot of things. I like using colours but I do find it hard sometimes because there are two parts of me, one that likes a flamboyant black and white sketch with lots of Character and the other wanting to go off the rails a bit more but in a sense when I'm drawing in my head I am imagining the colours as I create my art.

-new techniques ive used/experimented with

photoshop. I have had brief experiences with photoshop in the past but I had never really seen it use for the arts until recently. In the lessons with charlotte it has been really fun to manipulate my work in a way I never have before. I enjoyed having to figure out how to compose all the different layers on photoshop. I discovered a new found appreciation for digital artists who use programs like photoshop because it does take a lot of time and attention to detail, all things I will be looking forward to learning.

-most successful piece of work

This is my most successful as well as my favourite. It was a freestyle but I had a reference for the base. Its a self portrait of myself, in my work something I've noticed is that I like to give my characters demon/evil attributes. For example my 3 favourite motifs : long sharp dark nails, pointed ears, smoking.

Its a representation of human struggle. Its similar to the term ‘I have demons’. Obviously there's no way to tell we have demons. The demons are in reference to mental health struggles. I guess my characters are humans who just let their demons show, and there's nothing wrong with that. As you can see by the character above, he has fire coming from his body, but he is unscathed, he is smoking and has the pointy ears. Its a representation of self destruction and numbness although chaos ensues all around him his nonchalant expression says everything about how he's feeling. Im very proud of it.

-Write about the journey from initial ideas/experimentation to final outcome making. What have you learnt? Are you pleased with your outcomes? Why?

-If you could display your work from this project anywhere in the world…or at any time in history…..where would it be and why?

This is a very good question. in a perfect world I would choose everywhere simply because I could be everywhere at the same time, but that's not realistic so I guess id go with my ancient relatives. I would be interested to see if they would take a liking to my work and find a sense of familiarity. It would be interesting to see if like me, my ancient relatives were also artists.

-List 10 words to describe your final outcome – and include an image of it.

-If you needed a soundtrack/music to go with your outcome from this project what would it be and why?

vomitspit - MF DOOM

accordion - MF DOOM

fastlane - King Geedorah

crosshairs - DANGERDOOM

tammys song (her evils) - Kendrick Lamar

crepuscolo sul mare - Piero Umiliani

All the songs are incredibly good and tasteful just like my work. JOKING.

I would choose these songs because its the type of music I would listen when creating so if people were to see my work I would like to accompany them with this selection of songs because that way hopefully they would understand the headspace I was in when creating my work.

-What space do you work in at home/elsewhere?

I work from home and im lucky enough and grateful to have my own study area where I do most of my work. Its an inspiring place because although it may sound silly I arranged all the furniture in the room, this has helped to create a comfortable space to work in. It also doubles as a music studio, it is a very amateur setup but I love it. Its a creative space with plants, lava lamps and salt lamps, creating a comfortable atmosphere.

-What can you do now that you could not do at the start of this project

Improvise. I find it hard to create something even if I do have a reference or inspiration on the spot. I would consume a lot if valuable time thinking of the idea instead of bringing it to life. But now I feel as if, as an artist I can just get started a lot quicker compared to how I used to be therefore giving me less time to try and make it ‘perfect’ nothing is perfect and that is a good thing, a lot of time as human beings we find beauty in peoples so called ‘flaws’.

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emperor-lover · 7 years

Note

Hey I love your scenarios. Can I please request a guanlin college au? Thank you!!

Thank you for loving my writing!! ❤❤ Sorry this took so long, i’m in the midst of all my final assignments and midterms at uni right now, but here you go!! It’s a bit more friendship with a hint of potential future relationship so maybe i’ll do a part 2 sometime later on if you’d like? Enjoy!

Kuanlin college!AU (that kinda wasnt a college au, idk i got a bit sidetracked by basketball lmao) ALSO HAPPY BDAY KUANLIN BBY HOPE UR SWEET SIXTEENTH IS LOVELY LIKE U KIDDO

he’s well known around campus as THE international student

like a guy who appeared from a manga/manhwa, he has godly features and proportions

just a very perfect looking human

He’s also the guy that still seems to be having a growth spurt because you swear he’s taller than he was a month ago

Has a keen interest in languages, so he’s doing a double degree in Korean and English

People’s first impression of him are always that he’s this really cool guy

He has this signature outfit of a bomber jacket and ripped jeans

and sunglasses

Everyone’s eyes are always drawn to him immediately

“he looks like a celebrity!”

as soon as he took off his sunglasses and sat down, he gave everyone this cute gummy smile and introduced himself

Despite his fashionable attire, he’s rather introverted and sticks to the same group of friends

The first time you met was in class at the start of your first year

you were running late because you had gotten lost because there had been a mistake in the timetable

you had made it in the correct building but it was seriously like a maze

and there was like 2 minutes left until the lecture would start but you were still so lost

1 minute to go and you were about to give up

when Kuanlin strolls past you leisurely

He’s about to turn the corner when he glances back at you

“um…”

you glanced over at the sound of his voice

“…if you’re looking for the lecture room for korean, it’s over this way…”

You thanked him in relief and followed him around 2 more corners before making it to a seat just in time for the lecture begin

After the lecture was over you spotted him leaving and you had rushed over to him

“Hey, thank you so much for showing me where this room was, you’re a life saver!”

He had looked away and you saw a slight pink flush light up his cheeks

“Happy to help.”

Your resolution when you were beginning college was to make lots of new friends so you decided, hey why not start now

“I’m Y/N by the way, it’s nice to meet you!”

As you introduced yourself, the two of you walked in step with each other

Turns out you do almost all the same papers as he does

The two of you end up just having this sort of silent seating plan

Like it randomly started one day and since then the two of you have always sat next to each other

Round mid semester exam time, the two of you would study together in the library

You’d take turns buying each other coffees

Kuanlin has remembered your coffee order in one go, much to your surprise

He gives off a very innocent vibe despite his mature appearance

He also tends to be very focused, and will always keep his emotions in check

Unlike you, because during exam time, u were streeeeesssed out

A complete contrast to Kuanlin’s very calm soul

The only times he breaks free from the calm is when he finds something funny

Like he’ll break out into this cute breathy laughter that’s super adorable

Because he’s an international student, he struggled to settle in at first at college

but after joining a few clubs and being introduced and meeting lots of nice people, Kuanlin really thrives in the college life

There is this really prestigious basketball team at your college - “Wanna One” and every semester they participate in a tournament against other college teams

Wanna One’s biggest rival is a team called “Mnet” (lol mnet, what a punny bball team name)

It’s such an intense competition as the winning club gets a huge benefit

like helping funding for national and overseas tournaments, helping paying off college tuition fees, getting more exposure to professional basketball scouters etc

It’s tough though because Mnet is a team that tends to play dirty and will try to dramatise anything so the other team will get fouled (can y’all tell im having way too much fun with this)

A few of your friends, and friends of friends are in Wanna One

So you went to the tournament to cheer them on

You noticed from the crowd that there’s a new but familiar face in the team

The arrival of the new maknae, the hidden ace, Lai Kuanlin

No one outside of W1, as well as yourself had ever seen him play basketball before

so everyone’s a bit worried because the stakes on the game are so high

but those worries were all put to rest as soon as Kuanlin stepped on the court

The star shooter of the match, he didn’t miss a single hoop and ended up being the player who raked in the most points helping W1 claim victory

After the game, you, Wanna One and all their friends went to a karaoke place to celebrate

You were sandwiched between Daehwi and Jisung who were singing their hearts out to some girl group songs

Everyone’s laughing and having a good time

But then you noticed Kuanlin surrounded by all these girls/new found admirers

And although he looked slightly flattered by the situation he also looked very uncomfortable due to the sudden attention on him

You weren’t too sure if you should intervene or not, and just as you decided you were going to say something, Jisung shoved the microphone into your face forcing you to sing with them

After many more songs, you decided this would be a good time to go outside to get some fresh air and a break from all the ruckus

“Y/N? what are you doing out here?”

Kuanlin was sitting on a bench outside the karaoke place

“I thought I’d take a break from the noise, it was getting stuffy in there…what about you, you’re the star of the night, you should be in there celebrating with the others!”

“Same as you, the craziness was getting to me”

You gave a light pat on the back, “Things wont be that normal for you anymore, you’re practically a celebrity!”

Kuanlin had just hmm-ed in response, getting lost in his thoughts again

After that day, you didn’t see Kuanlin as often anymore, which surprised you

it was weird and out of character of him to not have him showing up to classes

and there was always one empty seat next to you, which made your heart ache a bit?

you felt sad that you hadn’t been able to see him at all recently, and he had been extremely slow in replying to any of your messages

Turns out this applied to all your friends in W1 too

You found out eventually that they were preparing for the big national tournament in the coming month, so they were too exhausted to go to class

Videos were popping up on snapchat and facebook of them practising late into the night/morning

sometimes only getting 1 hour of sleep every night, maybe less

you were so shocked, your friends were being overworked like crazy by their coaches, but they just kept smiling and saying that they’re happy

Your birthday comes round, and you decided that you were just going to have a small gathering because all your friends were busy

You sat in the dorm corridor with a small group of your close friends

As you blew out the candles to your cake, you couldn’t help feel upset that none of the boys had been able to make it, or even respond to your invitation

You knew that they’re incredibly busy, so you’re annoyed at yourself for blaming them

You forced a smile onto your face and thanked your friends who had showed up, and after digging into the cake, you all retreated back into your rooms

The clock on your desk ticks away, and as it hits 11.59pm, you sigh

For some reason you had wished that at least Kuanlin could’ve turned up for your birthday

You had stopped denying that you missed him dearly

you missed his voice and his laugh

and his friendship

you also missed that warm fuzzy feeling in your stomach whenever he smiled at you

A few tears roll down your cheek and you wipe them away angrily

Why are you getting so worked up over a boy?

A boy who is just a friend

Just a friend who bought you multiple coffees

and took notes for you in class that week when you were sick

and accompanied you on late night walks to McDonalds

A sharp knock on your door echoes through your room

Looking at the clock, it’s 3am, and you realise you fell asleep

who tf would be knocking at 3am tho

It’s saturday night, so you’re scared it’s some drunk person causing a scene so you stay in your room

Another knock, but this time a voice rings clearly with it

“Y/N? Are you awake?”

You go over to the door, and after a bit of hesitation you open it

Kuanlin is standing there, holding a present and looking apologetic

“Surprise! Happy Birthday Y/N!”

“You’re three hours late.” you turn your back on him and return to your room with him following behind

“Oh cmon, dont be like that, haven’t you missed me?? Me and the guys are sorry that we couldn’t make it earlier…”

silence

“Y/N? did you hear me?”

He turned on the light and looked at your face clearly

“oh…Y/N, are you crying??”

You shake your head angrily but there’s no denying the tears running down your face

Kuanlin is so concerned, and pulls you into a hug

“Hey, hey, hey it’s alright, what’s made you so upset?”

You hug him back, clinging to him, your anger evaporating at the close proximity

instead your heart is now pounding at an insane speed and you can feel the cheeks starting to heat up

“I just…I’ve just really missed you, you idiot”

you try to disengage yourself from the hug and hide your face but Kuanlin just wipes away your tears gently with his thumbs before pulling you closer and patting your hair

“I missed you too Y/N, a lot.”

He pulls away slightly and hands you the present

“The basketball season is drawing to a close, so we get to go on a break for a few weeks, I just thought I’d come let you know in person and give you this at the same time.”

His face is tinged with pink and he scratches the back of his neck in embarrassment.

After unwrapping it you see it’s a beautifully and intricately designed necklace

You marvel over it as it sits delicately in the palm of your hand

He’s still nervously looking at you trying to assess your reaction

“UH…if you don’t like it, there’s an exchange card in the gift box, so if you don’t want it you can change it to something nicer at the shop just in case you -”

“Kuanlin, it’s beautiful, i really love it”

“YOU DO?”

this boy had spent hours at that shop trying to find that freaking necklace

and every single member of W1 had seen it and reassured him that you’d like it

but he was still nervous af the poor kid

He took a deep breath to try calm himself down as he took the necklace from your hand and signalled for you to turn round

you did and he gently pushed your hair to the side

his fingertips brushed your neck as he put the necklace on you and you couldn’t help but shiver

Suddenly his arms wrapped round your waist and you were enveloped by his warm body

“Y/N…Happy belated Birthday.”

After Kuanlin left that night, you lay in bed replaying the scene over and over in your head

Something about your relationship with him was different now, but in a good way

Playing with the necklace still hanging round your neck, you smiled to yourself

Who knows how things will go from here, but right now all you can think about is the next time you’ll see Kuanlin and how much you liked being in his embrace

huhuhu i always struggle to end my AUs and they turn out extra mushy, im sorry! I’m going to try really hard to do at least one update a week, but because my final exams are coming up real quick I can’t promise anything! Remember, if you’ve sent in a request, I will put them up on my masterlist as soon as I’ve seen them, so you can check if I’ve received them/if i’m working on them there! Once again, thanks for reading!! xo

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wang-yeon · 7 years

Text

Nervous Touch| Jimin

Jimin is known for his charm on stage but when the lights cut out he cant help but become flustered. Its something you've learned to deal with but often grow tired of. Maybe Jimin will show you what actually riddles beneath the flustered boy he once was.

Warning: Cussing, smut, flustered Jiminie!, then out of no where hot sexy Jiminie!

Genre: Smut and a lovely amount of fluff

Word count: 7.4K

A/N: Im sorry i meant to upload this yesterday but i didnt have my laptop to post it and i tried to post it on my phone but it fucked up. Here it is now tho, please enjoy the trash that i write

Life was enough of a struggle at the tender age of finally being able to find yourself. Being surrounded by hard studies and your parents attempting to guide you only driving your insanity. All though my plate was already full of these things it only grew larger as i was brought into the lime light. Instead of the guidance and judgment i gained from my parents they came from other peers. everybody judge your every movement, every talk and every blink. I however didn't ask for it but my boyfriend Jimin did so willingly. Jimin had been one of the very handsome members of BTS. He was known for his witty charm and irresistible ways but however when the light was taken away from him he was quite the opposite. He became soft and warm hearted when around me always making sure i was cared for.

Jimin held two personas, one where he is on stage as the cheers and roars from the crowd fuel his energy and sexy behavior. The audience always encouraged this persona making him crave it even more. His other persona was the one I was familiar with, the one where he was so afraid of touching me, as if i was a porcelain doll and i might break at any moment.

Everyone close to Jimin was familiar with this side of Jimin as it was played only when he was around people he was comfortable with and could actually become himself instead of who he is known for. I had been with Jimin since he auditioned but we were only friends and never expanded on it. Until recent Jimin aimed to become something more valued even with the dating ban. Sure this was definitely enough to draw conflict between our relationship but it never got in the way of anything serious. Jimin and I had eventually grew stronger but ultimately stayed the same in most ways. Of course the occasional peck caused some members to groan at the new change but they still accepted it, as it wasn't to out of hand. It still had been an adjustment as things began to settle in.

I began coming to the dorm more recent to see Jimin and the other members. During the day i would usually end up playing video games with Jungkook and Tae while Yoongi heckled there bad efforts. Occasionally helping Jin cook while Hobi was dancing happily to the music that played as we cooked. Jin always stayed focused on the cooking as i sometimes joined Hobi making Jin hit me lightly on the head with a wooden spoon. As all of this passed Namjoon would usually pull me aside and try to indulge in deep conversation. They all ranged in different ways, some begin about conspiracy theories while others were about relationship advice. I had loved and gotten along with everyone in BTS but there was one that stood out from the others. While the night commenced I stayed hid away in Jimin's room where we would mindlessly kiss and show affection to each other. Jimin was always shy with public affection saying that he didn't need other people to see how much he truly cared about me.

One day that was put to the test as we were kissing on his bed with me being on top as he held onto my waist and began kissing me softly. We had been so focused on each other that we didn't even notice the knock on the door and the later opening of the door till we were greeted by Yoongi.

"Hey Jimin have you seen Y/-"

Jimin quickly pushed me off of him resulting in me landing on the floor with a groan. I looked up at Yoongi who held a blank stare not really caring about the situation.

"Never mind I've found her. Hey Y/N when your done um laying on the floor can you help me with something? Thank you."

With that Yoongi left the room closing the door softly. As soon as he closed the door Jimin sunk to the floor repeatedly asking if i was okay making me roll my eyes and nod. Since then i always thought that Jimin was always ashamed of being with me but i just realized this is just the person he is and i have to respect that. As time went on Jimin and Yoongi were back on good terms, Jimin had corrupted that Yoongi was creeped out by what he saw but Yoongi truly didn't care. As Jimin awkwardly tried to make up an excuse for what he saw Yoongi just blinked bored at his behavior before getting up and saying 'dont be ashamed everyone has sex jimine'.

Jimin blushed at his words turning to me and hiding his face in my shirt. Everything was a big extraordinary mess everyday but we had each other and thats all we need.

Namjoon soon took Jimin's path seeing that actually being in a relationship had its good causes. Namjoon was very worry some when it came to relationships always iffy about the situation. It was sure enough a surprise when he walked in with a random girl we never seen before and he introduced her as his girlfriend. None of the less we all got to know her and began to like her personality. Of course there make out sessions grew awkward for all of us and annoying but she was fine. It was a major adjustment for the boys as me and Jimin rarely kissed in front of them and know they were dealing with this. Soon enough it became a normal thing for all of us. Jin had thought other wise as he threw a wooden spoon at her but we all liked her.

Everything was going perfectly but as tour began to pick up again things went crashing down. Most nights i would call Jimin while he was practicing at the dead of night but he never hesitated to answer my call. He called me often as well checking up on me and letting me know that i was still wanted. This had taken a toll on Namjoon's girlfriend, Jasmine as well. She would often knock at my door at times that i was either already sleeping or on the phone with Jimin ending in a short phone call.

She went on about how she missed Namjoon and his touch. This surely led to a weird conversation on a incite on there sex life, one that i didn't need to know about. There was also an ounce of bitterness that set in my heart as she went on about how Namjoon was always rough and never gentle with her, Jimin was rather opposite. We always indulged in plain vanilla sex, exchanged many kisses but never as many touches. I pushed my thoughts aside and focused on a blathering Jasmine.

It was easy to see that we were both in need of our significant other back in our present lives. The late night phone calls weren't enough anymore, I needed more and I would give anything. With a bit of help I managed to get the airport information when they would arrive to the states. BTS was supposed to have a few stops in the states giving us the perfect opportunity to see one another.

The car ride to the airport with Jasmine had been hectic. It was unbelievable the mouth she had on her, i guess that way Namjoon picked her. She couldn't stop talking, i felt as if every time she talked my head would explode form all the words falling from her lips. Maybe this was the reason her and Namjoon never held up a conversation. She keep mindlessly turning the radio dial saying that my music taste was horrible making me roll my eyes at her comment. I was seriously going to roll her out of this damn car but i knew Namjoon wouldn't allow that for some reason. I tried keeping my eyes on the scenery and the road trying not to let my anger get the best of me as she kept saying her useless comments.

Right as if i felt like i was going to snap we finally arrived at the airport. Jasmine raced out the car door making her way to Namjoon i presumed. I unlocked my door taking off my seat belt feeling my veins pulsate in sheer excitement. I made my way out of the car eyeing The boys and an evident Jasmine clinging onto Namjoon as they showed there affection for each other. Luckily there wasn't any fans that i could point out. As i grew closer to them i spotted Jimin talking to Namjoon and Jasmine. He displayed a sad expression as he talked on with them most likely asking where my presence was before i let myself be known.

"Jiminie!"

Jimin swirled around eyeing me making his frown turn into a proclaimed smile. His eyes crinkled as he shouted my name running in my direction to excited to keep his emotions and affection under control. Jimin reached my destination as he pick me up into s warm bear hug and proceeding to kiss my whole face all except my lips. Jimin was affectionate to a certain amount. When we hadn't seen each other in a while this was when he would show the most affection in front of people. Even though all he was doing was hugging me, so i soaked it in as much as i could before it was cut short.

"Easy Jimin, we dont want a repeat from what happened last time."

Jimin let me go completely making me stumble back slightly as i was brought back on the ground. Jimin smoothed down his shirt bowing at Yoongi who dared to let that bold comment leave his lips. Jimin was obviously distraught and flustered from his bluntness trying to keep a reasonable distance between us.

"Your right, I am sorry hyung. It wont happen again i promise you."

I rolled my eyes at his behavior but decided not to indulge in it as we began walking out the airport. It drove me crazy how peoples opinion often made him actual take action even when they didn't mean it . Surely Yoongi was joking but Jimin completely took it as all seriousness as if he was forbidden to lay a finger on me. He acted like it was wrong to show any sot of affection publicly and when i asked him he always brung up the contract while Namjoon and Jasmine mindless sucked each others faces off. It was really starting to irritate me, even as we were walking he could have at least held my head but he kept his distance and looked straight till we reached the van.

The van was split in three sections each baring three seats meaning me and Jimin had to be seated with Taehyung while in the back as Namjoon and Jasmine held there own seats. I understand why no one wanted to sit with them as the clashing of there tongues would grow irritating very quickly but even in the back seat you could hear it ever so slightly.

"I swear at any given change they get they will such each others faces off."

I looked at Tae and chuckled slightly at his comment. It was true i've never seen them actually have a conversation with each other. I guess this was one thing me and Jimin had that out ruled them.

"I know. It frighten me that one day there tongues will be stuck together."

Tae laughed and threw his head back at my comment as his hand unexpectedly landed on my thigh. I jumped at the sudden feeling. I already hadn't been use to the feeling of Jimin hands lingering on me so as Tae's hand stayed on my thigh it felt quite strange.

Jimin seemed to take notice in this as he glared at Tae who was oblivious as he still held a conversation with me. Jimin seemed as if he was going to explode and i didn't need to look at him long enough to take notice. He was fuming but didn't know what to do as he was never in this position.

Jimin starred at the hand that laid on my thigh not doing anything as Tae still talked to me with all his Witt. Jimin just stayed silent and let the whole thing unfold making me anger. I loved having a conversation with Tae because he was genuinely funny but i couldn't focus on anything at the thought of Jimin just sitting back and not taking action in anything that was going on. I get that he doesn't show any affection but Tae was showing far more than he has attempted to surely that could have bothered him. I had no way of knowing if it actually did bother him but it surely bothered me.

We finally arrived at the hotel and were now managing our room keys. The lady placed the keys on the counter with a very fake enthusiastic 'Thank you for staying with us, please enjoy your stay'. Everyone looked among t the keys and noticed that the keys came up wrong. Instead of one key since the plan was originally staying in a big place where they all could room together and we would mostly be out the whole time instead of in the hotel. There were three keys.

"Why is there three keys?"

"Well i was thinking that me and Jimin could stay in a room together and Namjoon and Jasmine can as well, since were in a relationship."

"But nonna, you never slept in the same room as Jimin. You always sleep in the guest room."

Jungkook tilted his head in confusion at the new information that didn't add up to him. Everyone had always assumed that i stayed in the guest room instead of sleeping with Jimin which i did at first till we both became intimate. Unfortunately Yoongi found out later down the road the truth behind it making him smirk at this very moment.

"Oh trust me they stay in the same room and are fairly close and familiar with one another."

Everyone looked at Yoongi not expecting him to say such thing and confused by his abundant outburst that didn't add up. As for me and Jimin it sure did as i hung my head low but didn't mind it much as he was only joking but Jimin took it out of context.

"She does in fact sleep in the guest room. We've never done anything like that, that's just really weird."

Jimin laughed nervously as he said hes statement making everyone look between us. Yoongi looked over at me as if asking what was going on making me lower my head more in shame. Jimin once again didn't want people to know what goes on between us making things harder on my part.

"Its really not weird at all, i mean me and Jasmine share the same bed. Its okay if you both do the same."

"Well we don't! Stop making it a big deal."

Jimin got the key from the counter and marched to the elevator. I managed one small wave before following after Jimin. Im sure everyone who witnessed felt an ounce of sadness for me even Yoongi who started the while conversation. I hated that they pitted me and how Jimin was acting but they someone have to understand that this is just the behavior he has always shown. I just needed to somehow manage it.

We were in the hotel room as Jimin was mindlessly looking through the channels of the TV while laying on the bed. I had been standing up not feeling the need to sit down as thoughts ran through my mind on where this relationship was even heading. With this amount of affection it was sure enough to come down from its high.

"Sit down Y/N, I don't want you working yourself to much."

I stayed still not knowing if i wanted to sit down before i felt Jimin arms around my was it bringing me onto the bed with him. I let out a small giggle not able to control it. Jimin brought me to his chest and he kept his arms wrapped warmly around me while looking at the TV program displayed.

"So hows college going? Working you the bone i suppose, but i know my baby can handle anything."

I swooned at the nickname loving when it fell from his lips wishing it would more often.

"Its good, I made it on the deans list so that's pretty cool."

Jimin jumped slightly making me look him in the eye as if asking what was wrong. Jimin looked at me before pulling me into a bone crushing hug.

"Pretty cool? Are you kidding me baby that's amazing!"

Jimin proceed to attack my face with kisses something he would do when he couldn't contain his excitement. He still held me tight but it loosened as his lips lingered on mine making me hum softly at the affection. Jimin broke apart the kiss smiling upon me.

"I'm so unbelievably proud of you, baby."

The moment was surely lovely but i still had this one thing lingering in the back of my mind. It was nipping at me as i asked it to go away as i finally have received what i was longing for. The feeling was sure going to end.

"Why do you always act like this alone but when were in public you stay away?"

The moment surely ended as of now. Jimin stiffened up as he straightened himself fully sitting up on the bed. I stayed on the bed laying down with my hands on my face hating that i even said that. Why couldn't i just accept what i was getting as the moment was happening? I truly was a fool but Jimin only enhanced this quality on me.

"I tell you thousands of times. Its because of the contract."

"Bullshit. The stupid contract gets in the way of our relationship yet not Namjoon's and Jasmines?"

Jimin rolled his eyes at my behavior knowing that i was right but didn't chose to accept it. I had been so feed up from his behavior that I didn't really muster what words were meant to fall from my mouth at any moment. The words struck me by a shock and sure enough struck a nerve in Jimin as well Jimin.

"My god you really don't care about our relationship do you? I would be better off fucking Tae and you know it. If you keep acting this way you will lose me."

Jimin's eyes widened at my words taking in what had threatened to leave from my lips. I didn't even think of Tae like that but i had chosen the only thing that would hurt him as i was hurting too. I just wish it didn't escalate to this. Jimin's eyes flashed three emotions first being shock second being anger and third where they just displayed nothing. Jimin stayed silent as he proceeded to go back on his phone before looking me in the eyes with a cold exterior.

"Get dressed, the guys and Jasmine want to take us out. Hopefully wherever we end up going it will be a good place for you to fuck my best friend, because you want to act so senseless."

I looked at Jimin and suddenly i was finally at a lose for words instead of him. I had no right to say what i had said and stating that i was just angry wasn't a good enough excuse. I had let my emotions get the best of me just because Jimin didn't show enough affection. Sure he didn't in public but when we were alone he made me feel as if the moments made up for everything else. Now Jimin walked out the door leaving me in the room to change by myself. I hadn't had high expectations but they certainly were set and i might have drove Jimin away because of my wrongful actions.

I had spent the last few minutes in the bathroom attempting to get ready but spent most of that time beating myself up of the situation. I really hadn't meant to say that it was just that i had been bottling this up for some time now and maybe keeping it inside was something that i needed to just learn how to do. I had finished with my makeup and put on a semi tight fitting dress not taking notice of it. I sighed looking at myself in the mirror before meeting everyone in the parking lot.

I felt as if i made the whole situation even more awkward with my veins as i was the only one who was late to the van. Everyone's attention snapped to me including Jimin's cold glare. His eyes read a lustful gaze as he looked me up and down while biting his lips. This was sure enough to bust my mood making me slightly damp before Jimin continued his hard gaze trying not to get tempted.

"Well looks like our beautiful ladies are all here."

Namjoon nudged Jimin while he was gripping onto Jasmines waist. Namjoon was signalling for Jimin to go by my side only for Jimin to go into the van not minding a blink. Everyone's sympathetic gaze shifted to me yet again, if only they knew that was my fault and stupidity. I held my head down as i got into the very back of the van only for Taehyung to follow.

"Hey, you okay?"

Taehyung looked at me with sympathy in his eyes. Tae was very sympathetically to any creature he should love and care to anyone. Anyone was lucky to have him but i never thought about him in that way. It was definitely nice to have some comfort once and a while from him but not for a life time.

"Yeah i'm fine."

Taehyung appeared unconvinced, but didn't want to bring it back up thinking that it would bother me more.

"Well, you look very lovely tonight."

I smiled at Tae's compliment. He truly was a sweet person and i wanted to thank him or his efforts. Sadly Jimin's scruff stopped me from doing so. I rolled my eyes at him but also understood where he was coming from but he really was to much of a coward to do anything. He even prosperously switched sets with Jungkook to just be away from us.

"Where are we going anyway?"

"Well we really don't know any good clubs around here, so do you girls have an suggestions?"

I looked at Jin as he asked the question twisting his body to us. I had a few in mind, i did often go to the club sometimes and i was selecting the very few that would be a good destination.

"I know this club down the street, they mainly play latino music its very good."

Hobi jumped happily at my request making me laugh. Hobi had always been energetic meaning him in an actual club bumping music and lurking alcohol was going to only encourage that.

"Aye despacito ."

Hobi began dancing while Jungkook encouraged him while joining him from the back. This event was surely going to be enchanting with those energetic boys and a very irritated Jimin.

I had reserved most of my time at the bar finding that drowning myself in alcohol made me forget about most things. the same most have had been accruing for Yoongi as he sent was reserved for him as well. He however didn't have the same reasoning for drinking as i did. He did it for mindless fun and to get away from all the stress while i did it cause i couldn't handle my own situation. It wasn't anything to extreme just a mindless action ready to take place.

"Alright what the fuck is up with you and Jimin. I understand how weird that dude is but now your acting weird too?"

"Were just having problems i guess, hes not being as affectionate as i would like and im being a complete idiot."

I hadnt really ever told Yoongi any of my business let alone never thought of ever telling him a lick of anything. It was just that Yoongi had already seen enough of whats going all all he needed was answers and i was drunk enough to give it to him.

"Ive noticed how he doesn't show much affection but he does when no ones around. I dont understand whats up with females cant you just take what you get."

"Yoongi i appreciate the advice but you haven't had any sexual relations beside your hand."

Yoongi shrugged it off while downing a shot not minding me. I hadn't meant for it to come out that way but i knew he didn't mind it as he says the remote same to other people. He wasn't bothered by other peoples opinion and thats what i admired about him. I shifted my eyes away from him to be met with Jimin sitting in the lounge area looking at me with the same cold glare that sent shirves down my spine.

The music changed to "Ay Vamos" By J Balvin making my mood shift. I felt the energy take over me as i noticed everyone else was out on the dance floor besides me and Yoongi who looked as if he could care less. None of the less we were in a club and there were more things we could be doing besides drinking.

"Wanna go out on the dance floor?"

"I rather choke on a fork."

I nodded at Yoongi's response before going on the dance floor dancing my worries away. I began dancing and flowing my body with the music forgetting about worries that commenced me earlier. I had been moving my hips and focusing on the music that i didn't even notice the very evident body behind me before i was met with their bulge poking my ass.

"Um, exuse me but i have a-"

I turned around and was cut off as i was met with Jimin in my eyesight. His eyes that once held a dark stare were switched with a more wanting lust filled one making my underwear dampen. I had never seen Jimin like this before especially when we were in front of countless amounts of people but i put that aside for the moment afraid would mess it up again.

"How could you not now your own boyfriends cock, baby?"

I was shocked by Jimin's words but moaned slightly as he gripped onto my waist and grind against my hip bone. He positioned his leg between mine as i copied his actions. We began grinding together moving our hips to the music enjoying our time together.

Jimin's hand reached to my neck making me look at him in his eyes that told of the actions that he would later do to me. Jimin motioned my neck to get closer making our lips grow closer together before he locked our lips. The kiss was anything but sweet and sensual, the usual kiss we were use to.It was filled with lust and nirvana making our senses heighten enlightening everything. Jimin's hands traveled to my ass gripping it as he grind me onto his thigh while he did the same making me moan into his mouth.

"I swear, Ill take you right here and show Taehyung that i can fuck you like the slut you are."

Jimin groaned enjoying what was going all but also letting the bad thoughts commence in his head. Jimin had still been convinced that Taehyung could treat me better in different way, he had been far wrong but i wouldn't tell him that. Seeing him like this was definitely a huge turn on and i wanted to be a little selfish.

I turned around not commenting on his statement. I directed my ass on his clothed cock feeling the material of jeans rub against me. Jimin head flew back at the feeling but took action rather quickly. His hands guided to my hips directing me how to move them as he grind into me slowly. Jimin was already a talented dancer i knew this but i never really seen how he was when he had lust running through his veins. When this happened he danced slowly but aggressive leaving anyone soaking which is what he was doing at this very moment.

Jimin moved my hair and focused on my neck and began kissing it as he still grind he hips against me. Jimin whispered small things in my ear enough to make my core asking.

"You see Taehyung, looking at use? To bad he cant fuck you like I can, your all mine. This pretty little ass is all mine."

I looked up to see Taehyung gaze on us. I felt a little sympathy but he knew me and Jimin were together. Taehyung didn't seem bothered by us but rather surprised that we were actually doing something like this which was why he was looking at us like this. I was going to inform Jimin about this information but remained quiet as he began to guide us out the club.

Jimin proceeded to hale a cab all while gripping onto my hand before he shoved me into the back seat. I stayed seated while Jimin shifted uncomfortable as his seat as his hand stayed on my thigh. Jimin looked at me before smirking and looking front ahead again. I looked at him weirdly as he only looked forward. I felt his hand creeping up before they reached my damp underwear.

"I beat Taehyung dreams of making you this wet. hmm I love feeling this pretty little cunt and its all wet for me."

I bit my lip as Jimin slide my panties to the side before running his fingers around my clit. The simple touch was enough to make me to let out a small moan. The cab driver looked in the mirror to see what was going on making me smile weakly as Jimin remained to keep a bored look on his face as if nothing was according.

I looked at Jimin warning him but he didn't mind it one bit as he continued to rub my clit. I bite my lips getting use to the feeling and managed to not make a peep. I jumped at the feeling of his fingers teasing my entrance. I threw my head back making him smirk in victory.

"Come on baby. Use that dirty little mouth of yours and let it out."

I shook my head letting out small almost unheard painting breathes from the feeling. Jimin looked at me as if he was begin challenged before he inserted both of his fingers inside of me making me bite my lips so hard i could make out the metallic of blood.

Jimin began pumping his fingers in and out of me before telling me to play with my clit as he does so. I obligated afraid of what might come if i didn't. I felt my walls clench around his fingers and im sure he could to as he took his fingers away denying my release. Jimin gripped onto my hand as well to make me halt my actions of messaging my clit.

"You really think you deserve to cum after you said you would fuck my best friend?"

I was at a lose for words as he said that and looked straight ahead yet again. I was scared by what was to happen in the next few hours but couldn't help but drip even more at the thought of him taking is aggression out on me.

We had reached the hotel room in the amount of minutes. I had managed to muster that Jimin was actually more angry at me than i suspected. I hadnt said anything to him as i took off my heels and was going to get ready for bed before his voice halted me from my actions.

"You really think your gonna get away from me by going to bed?"

Jimin walked over to me as i stood still at the bed side to dazed to move. Jimin brought his hands to my ass bringing me closer as he kissed me deep as our tongues mixed together in bliss enjoying each other. Jimin broke the kiss to look me up and down licking his lips.

"Get on your knees and suck my cock, baby."

I sunk to the floor without thinking and proceeded to unbutton his pants before i was met with his underwear. I licked my lips in anticipation before pulling his underwear down as his cock sprung up.

I licked the tip of his cock making him jerk slightly before he gripped onto my hair. Jimin never liked when i teased him and the sign of him grabbing onto my hair was a signal of that, but i couldn't help myself. Jimin still gripped onto my hair bringing me in closer proximity with him. I began circling my tongue along the base of his cock before taking him completely in my mouth.

Jimin wasnt to big but he was big enough for me to not be able to fit him all the way in my mouth. He certainly did use it to his advantage but didn't do anything i wasn't comfortable with. Thats another reason of why i loved him so much, he never pressured me into doing unwanted things. As of now i wanted ever inch of him.

I proceeded to suck him off while my hand cupped his balls. Jimin rolled his head back loving the feeling of efforts on him. He gripped onto my hair tighter not use to the feeling running through him. Sure we did do oral but Jimin always hated that and wanted to get right to it but as of now Jimin put those ideas to a halt and focused my mouth wrapped around his cock.

Jimin let out a few breathy moans coming to his edge. I smirked before gripping his balls tighter and focusing on my mouth around his cock. Jimin pulled me back by my hair making me look at him. Jimin had small beads of sweat forming on his forehead making him look even more sinful.

"I want to cum inside you tonight, do you want that baby?"

I nodded eagerly. Jimin had never once came inside of me always wearing a condom at all time. This was a different situation however. He was blinded by the lust to not even know what he was saying, however i was the same way. I had luckily been on pill making it a precaution.

(still use a condom for extra protections kids! Remember wrap your willy before you get silly)

Jimin picked me up and placed me on the bed before getting a top of me. Jimin began kissing my neck mumbling unspoken words that were rushed as a blur. I focused on his tongue running along my collar bone as if he was marking what was his. I could still sense the feeling of jealous still ridding through out his system making him continue roughly his attack on my neck and collar bone. I let out breathy moans as Jimin keep on feeling his very evident boner poke my lower region making everything enhance.

"You want to ride my cock baby?"

Jimin released his mouth from my neck looking up at me with swollen lips. I nodded eagerly at his request as i got on top of him. I removed my underwear as i positioned myself on him. I rubbed him across my slit a couple of times before i sung down onto him as we both let out a sigh of content. I began rocking back and forth as our slight moans mixed together. Jimin's hands squeezed my thighs guiding me to move back and forth before they traveled to my ass gripping rather tightly.

Jimin guided his member up making me moan loudly not excepting him to do something like that. Jimin quickly switched positions as i was on my back and he was taking control. It was a whole new experience seeing him take such control but exciting to say the least. I couldn't hold back as he continued his lust filled actions and i could tell it was affecting him as well. Jimin fastened his pace as the beads of sweat increased. Jimin let out a straggled breath as he came undone as did I. His warm liquid soon filled me up to the brim before he got off of me to retrieve a cloth and clean me up as well as him.

We laid on the bed cuddling with one another enjoying the simple company of one another. Jimin rubbed up and down on my arm as i inhaled his scent. I felt completely at peace and i could tell he did too but there was something holding him back from complete nirvana. What just happened had possible been the best sex i had and he couldn't deny it either yet there was something holding him back.

"Im sorry im never as affectionate as Namjoon and his girlfriend are."

I looked at Jimin as he said his abundant statement. He looked straight at the ceiling not daring to make eye contact with me as if he was to afraid of my reaction. He didnt need to be afraid as i understood, even though i was hard headed at times i understood.

"No its fine, I love you just the way you are."

"I do too, its just i dont want out relationship to be just based off if strictly sexual manner. I want to actually share a connection with you rather than swapping spit with you. I do understand why you want to show affection in public and i always wanted to but always been to afraid, i promise ill try to work on it."

I smiled at Jimin warmly loving that he was opening up about something he had been so conserved about. H did want to show more affection but just felt to nervous and didnt see the need to. The fact that he wanted to change that sent my heart into over drive but i would have been fine if he didnt alter this. If he didnt want to show affection in public i would be fine cause he always did it in the private of just us two, where it mattered most.

The affection in public began very slowly as we took baby steps, not wanting to rush all of the sudden. It had began to progress a couple of days after the whole discussion occurred as we were all seated at the table Jimin being seated right next to me. I had pointed out to Jimin what i thought looked good making him nod and rub my shoulder. As the waitress asked for our orders Jimin so gratefully ordered for me making me blush. I was definitely capable of ordering it my self but just him ordering it for me just made me happy.

"Awe, baby you didnt have to."

Jimin shurged it off bringing his lips to my cheek making my blush deepen. Jimin then held my hands that laid on top of the table for everyone to see. Certainly they looked at use as if we were different people. Yoongi smirked at us finally seeing that we stepped out of the comfort zone. I hide myself into the crook of Jimin's neck making him chuckle and pat my head. It was weird how i was the one originally who wanted more affection yet i was so flustered as Jimin was taking it all in with a smile.

Everyone adjusted to it very easily as they already had to deal with Namjoon and his girlfriend. We were never as affectionate as them making it another reason why they all adjusted so easily. Jimin had convinced himself that Taehyung wasn't okay with it leading to a very awkward conversation of Taehyung trying to explain that he had a crush on Jungkook and the simple thought of pussy made him shiver with disgust. Jimin and I were certainly surprised by the confession but were glad that everyone was alright with the adjustment

it wasnt an adjust for the rest of the members but for the fans that was another situation. As BTS went on there way to leave the states it was a pretty heart breaking moment for all of us, not just me and Jimin. I had went down the line of hugging everyone till i was met with Jimin. I went in for a hug knowing that the possible fan could be lurking before he full on picked me up and kissed me lovingly. Jimin hadnt cared about anyone else as my legs wrapped around his waist and my kiss met his. He was wishing me a good bye one that i didnt forget and one that only invold us two.

"Alright you two, we dont need a full on fuck session in the middle of the airport."

Jimin chuckled into the kiss before letting me back down. Jimin grabbed my hands and kissed me on last time before boarding his flight. He occasionally looked back waving to me before he disappeared from sight making me sigh sadly. Jasmine put her arms around me as we made our way to the car, one that i was dreading.

Days passed since that and army's noticed some said hateful things while other said nice and caring things. Jasmine was rather supportive through the whole thing as she went threw it too. It brought a whole new light to her and her personality. Her and Namjoon still did do extra things and she did talk alot but she had a kind heart. We often shared stories about or significant other and sometimes we talking about random things but no matter what she was always there.

Months passed as i talked to Jimin on the phone missing his touch wishing i could get a single moment with him. I felt even more worst when Jasmine told me that Namjoon was coming to visit her for there break making me sad but understanding that Jimin probably wants to see his family.

I had joined Jasmine on the car ride mostly looking out the window the whole time trying to block out her talking about her and Namjoon. It felt like heaven when she raced out the car as i followed her but it felt as if i was greeted with hell as i saw them hug and kiss one another lips with affection. I huffed and turned around making my way to the car before i heard the sound of someone calling my name. Not just someone.

"Y/n"

I turned my body being greeted by a running Jimin. Jimin held two bags in his hands but as he saw me he dropped them and went into a full sprint as i followed his actions. We collided with each other as he held onto me together afraid that i would disappear at any moment. Jimin kissed ever inch of my face before landing onto my lips as our tongues mixed shortly together savoring the moment of utter bliss.

"I thought you were going to visit your family or something?"

"I did, you are apart of my family you know that right?"

I looked at Jimin lovingly feeling small tears well up in my eyes. He cooed at my state and kissed some of the joyful tears away. Jimin and I had been threw very few struggles either it begin the past couple of years or couple of months. I loved him truly from every inch of him and his whole naked soul. I knew he felt the same and he never once was afraid to let that been known. Jimin loves me and everyone knew of this, wither he show affection or not.

He loved me with all his heart and that's all i needed.

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