#being tired constantly is so mentally and physically draining

[oswin-remains]

there’s just something about tula. i resonate so deeply with her because i understand all of her motivations, to live out of obligation and the fear of not being there for the ones you love. she gives me hope that ill be ok one day, and be able to live in the moment

[angeltism]

If I see one more being acting like the term fp is just a word for ywour bestie or partner or whatever I am going 2 throw a chair

[6-2-aestheticsofhate]

What's the fucking point

[randoimago]

For bg3, could I request platonic Wyll, Astarion, Gale, and Lae'zel finding a Tav that's quietly breaking down from all the pressure of having to save and comfort people all the time. Like they want to help people, but it's becoming too much for them.

Fandom: Baldur's Gate 3

Character(s): Astarion, Gale, Lae'zel, Wyll

Note(s): They all need therapy after this, but idk if therapy exists in D&D so give them spa days and alcohol instead

Astarion

As someone that voices his complaints easily once he's become close enough to let you in on his secrets, he also knows when the feelings are being buried away. While he doesn't want to tell you what to do, he does pull you aside when you're back at camp to exchange supplies.

Saving people and being a hero has never been something for him, mostly because he never had someone to save him. Until you came around, that is. And he thanks you for that, but you need to stop putting so much on your shoulders. You want to save people? Well you won't be able to do that if you collapse.

You've been a good friend to him, so let him do the same to you. Take a fucking break. Break into that newspaper building and change the article to something ridiculous. Do something for yourself. Astarion is more than happy to introduce you to some of his more fun morally grey activities just to get everything off of your mind. He has dealt with the aftermath of being burnt out and wasting away because bottling your emotions becomes too much, he won't see the same happening to you.

Gale

Notices you looking tired and suggests a break. He'll always be happy to lend and ear and offer some words of wisdom. Mostly, let yourself rest. You're already doing a lot and you should find a nice book and lay down in your tent for a bit to destress.

While Gale is trying to have his morals in the right place, he also knows not everyone can or deserves to be saved. It's valiant of you to try and offer help to anyone you can, but he can see the toll it's taking on you mentally, emotionally, and physically. Honestly, Faerun is a big place, let some other adventurers lend their help, you deserve some wine.

It's a shame that Magnificent Mansion or Tiny Hut aren't spells you can get in game, but Gale would happily cast Magnificent Mansion for you to just have an impromptu spa day. It's what you deserve for being his greatest friend and for all that you do for others.

Lae'zel

She knows being a leader is hard and there are many challenges you must step up to. People will constantly seek your help and look to you for advice. She has seen it by many of her githyanki superiors and thought nothing of it. And then she finds you cracking.

Tells you that as a leader, you can't show your cracks or you'll be seen as vulnerable to enemy attacks. While at camp, rest as much as you need. She'll keep watch while you let out whatever emotions that you need to.

Will also remind you, that you're her leader. You don't lead all the people you come across on the road, you owe them nothing. Technically, you owe Lae'zel nothing as well, you have the freedom to choose what to do, morals be damned.

Wyll

He notices the cracks and he fully understands. Hell, he sold his soul to a devil because he was failing. You're allowed to break down. You're allowed to rest.

While Wyll, likes the idea of helping anyone in need, even he knows that it can be too much. A lot has happened to all of you in a very short span of time, he understands needing to rest.

He considers you a good friend and ally and if you'd allow him, he'd be glad to take the lead and let you rest. He can at least listen to those you come across and offer them comfort if you're too drained to do so.

Taglist:

@reo-the-leo @unhelpfulnpc

[licorice-tea]

You Feel Right; Stay A Sec

Pairing: Trafalgar Law x reader

Content: pining, yearning, wanting, and needing <3 no smut just fluff! kissing and smooching, just one mention of “going further”! reader is a heart pirate and likes reading :)

Word Count: 1.4k

A/N: it’s been a while since i wrote something for my man (Law <3) so i had fun with this😇☝️inspired by lyrics from the song “Hostage” by billie eilish… i love writing based on songs, it’s probably bc i have music playing 24/7 in either my headphones or on a speaker, and i just love music! so it’s easy to get inspo or create scenarios while listening to it, yk? anyway, hope you enjoy! <3

I wanna be alone

Danger around every corner, piles of work, tasks demanding his attention, and crew members in need of their captain’s opinion are all sources of constant stress for one Trafalgar Law. It’s not that he doesn’t love being a surgeon; it’s his passion, nor his crew; they’re the closest thing he has to a family now. It's just that his battery in all aspects- social, mental, physical- is constantly drained.

The only things keeping him going are steaming cups of black coffee and the rare moments of quiet before he passes out on top of his comforter. And, no matter what form the momentarily relief from life takes, it most always comes when Law is alone. He prefers it that way, anyway.

Alone with you, does that make sense?

He prefers being alone, really. Which is why nothing about you makes sense. Right off the bat, Law has felt differently around you than others. He made an effort not to show that difference in opinion no matter how strong it came to be at times.

Times like now, where sleep eludes Law despite how damn tired he is. For whatever reason, all he wants is to hold something- no, someone… you. Law wants to hold you. Or maybe you could hold him, who cares about the specifics?

Law flips on his stomach and groans into his pillow. This is new territory. He’s never wanted someone the way he wants you. A partner to hold close on nights like these, or to simply be alone with.

I wanna steal your soul

He has considered, on multiple occasions, telling you how he feels. But Law would never actually do such a thing. It would be a complicated and messy affair, surely, thanks to your positions. (His as your captain and yours as his subordinate.) And he wouldn’t want you to feel like you had to accept his confession, either.

Still… he wishes you were his, in every way a person could give themself to another.

And hide you in my treasure chest

At least you’re on his crew. You’re always nearby, should he need you, which he often does. Sometimes, Law likes to call you into his office for a made up reason. “Y/n-ya,” he’d say, “give me a rundown on tomorrow’s conditions at sea.” Though you’re not the navigator of the ship, you still know plenty about seafaring, so you’d comply. Then he’d find some other trivial matter to discuss, or offer you a new book so you could later exchange thoughts on it. Just something- anything to keep you around as long as possible. It’s so much more peaceful with you.

I don't know what to do

But how to make your role in his life a more permanent one? Law hasn’t a clue. Tonight, like many others, you sit on a couch in Law’s office. Neither of you speak, but the atmosphere is calm and comfortable.

Or it should be. Law discreetly looks your way every few minutes, then every few seconds. His eyes follow the way yours scan side to side over a page of your book. From the lines of your jaw and neck, to stray hairs falling over the curve of your cheek.

The usually undetectable tension seems to be coming to a point tonight, and Law doesn’t know how to resolve it. But he wants to, almost as much as he wants you.

So, for once in his life, he moves without much planning. Law rises from his desk and crosses the room to sit beside you. He (stiffly) puts his arm around the back of the couch. Naturally, you give him a perplexed look- it’s not like Law to suddenly reach out like this, physically or otherwise.

“Good book?”

“Yeah, thanks for recommending it.”

“For sure.”

“…Is that all?”

He nods, then pulls his hat lower over his eyes. Silently, he makes a plan to abort this failed mission.

Luckily, you stop him and take the initiative.

To do with your kiss on my neck

Law lifts his arm back off the couch and over you. But, you gently grab his wrist before he can go any farther. “Law, is there… You know you can tell me anything, right?”

Again, he simply nods. A moment of silently staring into each other’s eyes passes, and he leans forwards extremely hesitantly. Your hand moves from his wrist and tentatively rests on his shoulder. Still, Law doesn’t break eye contact (for once in his life), continuing to lean forward at a painfully slow pace. So you allow your hand to travel up to the side of his neck.

“You can kiss me.”

He nods again slightly, “I know. I- I will.”

I don't know what feels true

At long last, Law places a featherlight kiss on the corner of your lips. It’s an unsure, awkward action, but welcome nonetheless. His lips linger on yours, not quite aligned for a moment. Despite your breath being held, you allow your eyes to close and savor the feeling. You want more than this chaste kiss from him, of course, but you’d take your time with it. Law isn’t the kind of man you’d want to have a touch and go experience with. No, he’s the kind the one that you want to savor. The one that you want to take your relationship slow and steady with as he wants, and as a result get to spend even longer in his company.

When he pulls away, you can’t help but smile. Law’s parted lips close into the gentle curve of a smile as well, his usual smirk appearing much more bashful. The two of you lean back into each other. Your noses are nudged and warm breaths mingle before your lips can meet again.

But this feels right, so stay a sec

Law realizes he’s never done this before; kissing. But now, he’s hooked. He still doesn’t really know if he’s doing it correctly; if you’re enjoying the experience as much as he is, but it feels good. Therefore, he must be doing something right. Plus you only pull away from him to take breaths before immediately returning your lips to where they belong (on his), which confirms his hopes.

What started as a sweet and slow kiss ends up becoming a much hotter make out session. Months of pent up attraction and feelings for each other spill over, out of your mouth into his (and vice versa.) He’s the first to swipe his tongue across your bottom lip and get you to open up, and proceeds to groan into your mouth in a way that’s surprisingly communicative of how strongly he feels. It gets to the point where, besides your hands roaming over each others backs, you feel that your saliva must also be permanently entangled.

But all good things must come to an end. You pull back completely so that you and Law are properly facing each other, rather than within kissing range. “Law, I… We should talk about this. Before we go any farther.”

His face heats up at the implication; he hadn’t even thought that far ahead, too lost in your sweet taste, warm skin, and soft lips to do so. He nods and just murmurs, “Okay, let’s just keep doing this.”

You agree and kiss him without another word.

Yeah, you feel right, so stay a sec

When you do both finally wind down, and are left as nothing but half-sleep puddles in each other’s arms, Law murmurs something unintelligible into your hair.

Silence passes, though you can practically hear the gears in Law’s head turning. Finally, he speaks his mind. “Don’t go.”

A smile graces your features. How pleasantly surprising it is to have your captain- possibly the most closed off man you’d ever known- asking for you to stay. Of course, you hum in negation. “Wasn’t planning on it.”

His arms seem to tighten around you- though whether it’s reflexively or to keep you close, you’re unsure. “Good.” Then, Law murmurs something unintelligible against you.

“Hm?” He can feel the vibration on your lips against the side of his face more than he can hear it. That’s how closely you’re pressed into him.

Law clears his throat. “You feel right.”

“So do you.”

[simp4wom3n]

I Miss Us

Pairing: Jenna Ortega x Reader

Requested: Yes/No ~ request

Summary: After working together tore you relationship apart, a kiss scene between your two characters revived a lot of buried feelings - both good and bad. ~ Word Count: 3.576k ~ Warnings: Angsttt + Swearing

A/N: I'M BACK B*TCHESSS!! first fic back after being shadow banned and good lord I have missed writing and posting stuff for my fellow simps. But it feels amazing to be back and I hope you enjoy <3

The moment you received the phone call informing you that you would be playing Jenna's love interest in a new film was easily one of the best days of your life. Is that a little sad? maybe, but at the end of the day, you would do anything to spend more time with your girlfriend. You thought that being able to spend the time together you typically spent apart would be a blessing, something that would bring you closer.

Sadly, however, that didn't seem to be the case.

Ever since you had started dating, you became each others rocks - the shoulder to cry on and the arms to fall into after a long and hard day on set. But what you didn't know, was what either of you would do without that rock? What would you do without your favourite person sat at home, awaiting the other with open arms and a warm smile. What would happen when you both needed that support yet neither of you were capable of providing it.

Sadly, without said support, your relationship began to crumble.

Despite playing Jenna's love interest in the film, your two characters spent quite a lot of time apart, meaning you had barely seen her on set today. You were currently filming scenes for a point in the plot where her character is ignoring yours - painfully reflective of your current situation.

What you thought would be a dream has turned into somewhat of an inescapable nightmare.

Unlike what the greater audience thinks, being an actor is an incredibly draining job. With a typical day on set being over 10 hours, especially as a main character, the mental and physical exhaustion was unlike any other. With both you and Jenna being constantly exhausted, the time you spent together dwindled and you turned from two loving girlfriends, into two strangers.

It was as if all of your chemistry and love had dissipated.

Where you used to spend your free time on set together, you both now spent it alone, most likely sleeping or rehearsing a scene, so distracted by exhaustion that the girlfriend shaped void in each others hearts was no longer noticeable.

Your conversations were now emotionless and lasted less than a minute. Your intimacy had flown out the window, now only exchanging a quick smile on set and a short 'Goodnight' before you slept - still in the same bed but with what felt like miles in between.

Today was no different.

The few times you saw Jenna, you exchanged a smile, a small hello, maybe even a few more words before walking in your seperate directions. You had gotten used to it at this point. You were also completely depleted of energy so the idea of maintaining a meaningful conversation wasn't one you fancied either.

Jenna had finally wrapped filming at 11pm, something she too was used to, and made her way home to the apartment you shared with her. Unsure as to whether you were home or not, she walked in trying to make as little noise as possible. Dumping her belongings in the doorway, she sighed as she tried to blink away her exhaustion, wanting nothing more than to head straight to bed.

To her surprise, not only were you home, but you were sat cross legged on the kitchen bench, a steaming cup of tea in your hands. "Oh. Hey." she whispers, slightly startled by your presence. "How was your day?", you glance at her, almost surprised that she was talking to you. You reply with a small "Fine" before you take a sip of your tea, the steam hugging your tired features.

Despite feeling as though her legs would give out any minute in exhaustion, there was a small voice in the back of Jenna's mind that was telling her to stay and talk to you. To take the chance of going back to how you used to be, the chance you had both been ignoring.

"So... how's everything been going?" she questions apprehensively, earning a confused, almost irritated, glance from her girlfriend. You look away from her as you get down from your spot and place your mug in the sink. "I'm going to bed" you answer softly as you head towards your bedroom.

"Seriously?" she scoffs, causing your head to whip around as your eyebrows furrow. "I just want to talk to my girlfriend why is that so hard." Jenna spoke, her words coming out a bit harsher than she had intended. Your mouth opened in slight shock at her tone, "Well I'm sorry. I didn't know going to bed was a crime" you retort, glancing towards your bedroom wanting nothing more than to leave this conversation.

"I just want to talk to you! Instead your avoiding me like the fucking plague!" although what she was saying was true, your pure exhaustion uncharacteristically caused you anger to burst. "Well maybe because I don't want to talk to you!" you yell, Jenna being instantly taken back by your confession. "What do you m-" "I'm just fucking tired ok! Just leave me alone please." you instantly regret your words but it's what you felt in the moment. Where you used to search for her when you were tired, for some reason, now, all you wanted was to be alone.

You swiftly walk towards your bedroom not wanting to look at Jenna, knowing that her expression will probably break your heart. As you settle into bed, Jenna just stands there shocked. Feeling her eyes burn with tears, she sucks in a breath before exhaling slowly and following you.

Your bedroom has never been so quiet. The tension thickened as Jenna entered the dark room and saw your figure curled up on your side of the bed. Sighing again, she moved around the room to get herself ready for bed, the silence deafening.

No goodnights were exchanged.

You both simply slipped into a deep sleep, your minds, unlike your bodies, full of energy and running rampant.

Awoken, rather rudely, by your alarm, you eyes flutter open as you groan. Not only was it 7 in the morning, but you were also flooded with memories of last night, ones which instantly cause you to hide your face with your hands. 'Fuck' you mutter as you sit up, noticing Jenna isn't in the bed with you.

You used to know every last detail of her schedule, when she had to be on set, when she was supposed to wrap. Evidently those details had escaped you over the past few gruelling months as you had no idea where your girlfriend was at this point.

Groggily making your way towards the kitchen, your face drops in realisation as you are suddenly hit with what today is.

The kiss scene.

"Shit" you whisper, dragging it out as the squeeze your eyes shut in frustration. As you continue through the apartment, you notice Jenna near the doorway looking ready to leave. "Hey Jenna. Can we talk?" she immediately straightens, only now aware of your presence as you slowly approach her. "Not now" she blows you off coldly as she continues to grab her stuff, reaching for the door. "I just wanted to say I'm sor-" and she's gone, the door slamming in your face.

You kinda deserved that.

As you walk towards the set where the kiss scene was about to be shot, with your heart pounding through your chest, you attempt to steady your breathing. Your heart beating in your ears as you fidgeted with the rings that adorn your sweaty hands.

Ever since Jenna slammed the door in your face this morning, which you admittedly deserved, she had been running circles around you as you failed to think about anything other than her.

Greeting the director as you enter the set, your eyes glance towards Jenna whose back is facing you, talking to her assistant on the other side of the room. You felt a slight spark of jealously as you forced your eyes away from her and back onto the director, who was now running you through how everything was going to work.

The scene was an incredibly emotional one, sure to pull at the heart strings of the entire audience. Up until this point in the movie, Jenna's character had distanced herself from yours due to her trying to escape her feelings, leaving your character heartbroken and alone as her best-friend completely ignored her. It was in this scene that your character finally confronts Jenna's, leading to their shared confessions and their first kiss.

This was probably the most important scene of the entire film and yet you had never felt so unprepared. Sure, you knew all your lines and all your cues. But as good of an actor as you are, having to act this scene with your girlfriend who you very recently hurt was going to prove to be a definite challenge.

You only hoped you could do it justice.

"Leave me alone" "Not until you tell me what's been going on with you!" your character insists as you follow Jenna into her character's bedroom. "Nothing is going on! I'm fine" "That's bullshit and you know it" grabbing Jenna's arm you spin her around, your eyes locking with hers as you notice the suddenly little space between the two of you.

'Focus y/n' you scolded yourself inwardly as you continued reciting the script, "You have been ignoring me for weeks! and don't even try to deny it... Do you know how shitty it feels to have your best friend avoid you like the plague... I don't understand... what did I do" your eyes brim with tears as you notice Jenna's features soften, an expression you have missed on her.

"I-I don't know what to tell you" Jenna stutters as she avoids eye contact, causing you to gently rest your hands on her cheeks and guide her eyes towards yours - oh how you missed this intimacy. "Tell me what I can do to fix this... to fix us... I miss us" you whisper as you risk a glance towards her lips. "I miss us too".

At her confession, you glance towards her lips again as you unknowingly begin to lean in. With the distance between you slowly closing, your heartbeat pounds in your ears as your tongue subtly travels across your lips, your attention now purely on Jenna's.

As your noses brush together, you realise what you are doing and pull back suddenly, your hards swiftly dropping from her cheeks. Your widened eyes stare into her confused ones as you take a large step back, your mouth slightly open as you struggle to find any words. "I-I'm so sorry I don't... I don't know what I was doing I'm so sorry oh my god". Jenna just stands there, frozen in confusion, as she watches you panic, your eyes deliberately avoiding hers.

You continue to ramble and apologise as she takes a slow step towards you. When you feel her hands gently rest on your cheeks, your words catch in your throat as you look at her with tears in your eyes. Her gaze is so soft and full of warmth that you - not your character - almost feel like bursting out into tears.

It had been so long since she looked at you that way.

"I-I... I'm so sorry I shouldn't have done that." you whisper brokenly as she gently wipes away a stray tear that was sliding down your cheek. "It's ok" she whispers giving you a small smile. Shaking your head in denial, she takes a small step closer as her hands slide to the back of your neck, her hold on you growing stronger as you are once again inches from each other. "It's ok" she repeats softly as she leans in to connect your lips gently.

Letting out a soft sigh as your lips connect, your hands hesitantly slip onto her waist as you melt into the kiss. Your heart begins to pound in your chest as the feeling of her lips against yours, which had become an almost foreign feeling for you, reminds you of how much you had missed her. Knowing only a gentle and hesitant kiss is scripted, you attempt to stop yourself from deepening the kiss.

But goddamn it that was impossible.

Your grip on her waist tightens as you pull her body flush against yours. You hear Jenna softly moan as your lips continue to move against hers with a renewed urgency, desperate to make the most of the intimacy.

When your lips eventually leave hers, you slowly open your eyes only to discover hers are already open, staring at you breathlessly. You gently bite your lip as you attempt to catch your breath, you mind in a state of pure bliss as you meet Jenna's eyes - the thought of your character long gone

"Cut!"

The director's call caught you off guard. You blink rapidly as your eyes widen slightly in realisation. Your hands drop from Jenna's waist as you move away from her, your eyes diverting towards the director in an attempt to forget what just happened.

'you fucking idiot y/n why did you just do that'

'what the fuck was that... shit'

"That was excellent girls! Y/n, I love the passion and desperation you showed it was so believable. Absolutely amazing! Both of you have a short break we will call you back when we need you." That was all you needed to hear before you gave the director a small nod and a smile before you practically bolted towards your trailer.

Jenna stood frozen as she watched you run away from her, so suddenly afraid of her presence it was almost like she had burned you. Despite remaining fixed in her place, her heart was racing after she had kissed you - well, her character had kissed your character.

It had felt so real.

She couldn't believe what she was feeling, she couldn't help but think how unprofessional it was of her to allow her feelings to get in the way of her acting - especially when it comes to scenes as monumental as the one you just shot.

But it was you.

It was y/n.

The love of her life.

The one person she truly felt at home around and the only person that filled her life with so much joy.

To say the past few months had been rocky would have been an understatement, but at the end of the day, she couldn't help but love you. Sure you had hurt her feelings with the way you acted the night before, but it's not like she wasn't also at fault. You had both let work get in the way of your relationship and the kiss you just shared was the slap in the face you both needed.

Eventually coming to her senses, Jenna was quick to follow in your footsteps, walking briskly towards your trailer, determined to finally set things right - or at least get everything off of her chest.

The soft beat of three knocks on your trailer door broke you out of your thoughts as your head snapped towards the sound.

Currently curled up in a ball on your trailer couch, a steady stream of tears rolling down your cheeks, your chest ached with the idea that you had just ruined everything.

Jenna was the one thing that was always steady in your life.

Always there to catch you when you started to fall, always there to push you back up when you had fallen. And now, purely because of your stupidity and inability to control yourself, you had lost that. You couldn't even look at her as you retreated and tried to hide and avoid her like you had been for the past few months.

Just the thought of her not being in your life anymore made your heart clench.

And although you have both been distant recently, at least she was still there.

And now after the stunt you pulled only minutes ago, you truly believed that there was no way she could look at you the same. You had acted out and taken advantage of her vulnerability whilst her only intention was to do her job.

So as you hastily wiped the tears off of your cheeks, attempting to somewhat hide the fact that you had been crying your eyes out not seconds before, you approached the door expecting it to be a crew member checking up on you.

Your attempt to hide your pure shock that was no doubt written all over your face was futile as you opened the door and saw Jenna stood there, her eyes softly meeting yours.

"Hi" she spoke softly, offering you a gentle smile which caused your heart to melt slightly. "Hi" you breathe out as Jenna takes notice of your bloodshot eyes and bright red cheeks, her immediate instinct being to comfort you, but not wanting to push any boundaries she settled on giving you a knowing look as she fidgeted with her hands.

"Can I come in?" she asked as she subtly gestured into your mess of a trailer, the cleanliness of which had declined along with your relationship over the recent past. "Yeah... of course" you whisper as you break out of your surprised tranced and moved over, allowing her to come in.

You watched her eyes slowly travel around the room, taking notice of the trash littered around, the clothes and blankets thrown around the place, but one thing in particular caught her attention.

It was a framed photo of the two of you on your first date that was placed neatly on your small coffee table.

Her eyes remained fixed to the photo as you closed the door behind her and sat back down on your couch, pulling your knees to your chest in preparation for the conversation you were about to have. Tears already welling in your eyes, you looked at Jenna expectantly as her expression didn't change.

You breath caught in your throat as you followed her line of sight, noticing what she had been staring so intently at. Trying to not let your emotions get the better of you as you saw the picture, you clear your throat which causes Jenna's attention to finally leave the photo as her eyes meet yours.

Deciding the break the rather uncomfortable silence, you let your feelings come spilling out as you avert your eyes from hers, "Look..." you whisper brokenly, taking a deep breath before continuing, "I-I'm so fucking sorry for what I just did... It was messed up and I... I took advantage of you and I understand if you don't wanna talk to me again because I have been so fucking mean to you and I haven't even acknowledged you and then I go an pull shit like that I..." you rant as your tears resurface and begin cascading down your cheeks.

You are so distracted by your own rambling that you don't notice Jenna gaze softening as she slowly makes her way over to the couch and takes a seat next to you. You only notice her presence once she grasps your hands with her own warm ones, your eyes instantly meeting hers as you look up.

Your lips tremble as you duck your head, inhaling as you once again meet her eyes before brokenly whispering, "I-I'm so s-sorry", giving her your best smile before your sobs escape your throat causing you to cave in on yourself.

Jenna wraps her arms around your broken figure as she squeezes you tightly, her own tears escaping as she sees how truly broken you are. As you continue to sob into her chest, her shirt growing increasingly wet as it soaks up your tears, Jenna remains silent as she gently cradles your head and strokes your back in an attempt to comfort you.

Oh how much you missed being this close to her - although admittedly, the circumstances weren't ideal.

As your sobs began to cease, Jenna gently pulls back and places a hand on your chin to slowly lift your head up so your eyes meet hers. Embarrassed by how awful you think you look, you attempt to shake her grip, wanting to curl up into a ball and disappear, yet she keeps ahold of you as she wills you to look at her.

Just looking at her brings tears to your eyes.

"Y/n... I need you to listen to me ok?". Her lips crack into a gentle smile as you give her small nod. "There is nothing you could possibly do that would make me not want talk to you again... ok? You did nothing wrong, I need you to believe me when I say that. Sure, we both fucked up a little bit but it's nothing we can't get through. Ok?"

As you let out a small, wet chuckle at her last comment, her hands move to your cheeks as they wipe away the remaining tears that had slowly trickled down your cheeks.

Grasping her hands from your cheeks, you bring them into your lap as you give them a gentle squeeze. "I still love you" you whispered as one side of your mouth quirked up into a smile, to which Jenna reciprocated.

"I still love you too" is what she whispered in response before she gently brought you in for a kiss.

Fuck... you really missed her.

Tag-list: @nitchxhdc @emeraldevan @looseheartedlady @the-night-owl-blr @badassjaguar @txmxav @oh-thats-cute @blckrwidow @cacciatricediartemide @flaiire1805 @rainbow-love4ever @fall-08 @simp4nat @natashadeservedmore @livingforwaddams @alexkolax

[yanderecookierunkingdom]

The Final Sunset

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Content warning: Violence

As you and Caramel Arrow Cookie trekked through the heavy snow that coated both the ground and the air, you couldn't help but be on such high alert. It hadn't even been a full day (or at least you assumed, since the sun was gone now) and everything was going wrong. An infected in the woods, someone possibly being infected as well.. nothing was going right.

"How are you faring?" Caramel Arrow Cookie broke the silence, her voice gentle yet strong against the howling winds.

"Mentally or physically?" You attempted to make a joke, but she only sighed.

"Mentally."

"Tired," you admitted, closing your eyes for a moment before opening your eyes and continuing to look ahead. "This is all so draining.."

You clutched the handle of the lantern tighter as you two continued to walk. Caramel Arrow Cookie had split her bow back into its blades, which she clutched tightly to her sides. She was as alert as you, constantly looking around to see any type of danger. It fell quiet between you two, but there was the silent comfort of the warrior's presence behind you.

As the two of you walked deeper and deeper into the forest, it was becoming apparent that this was where the infected Cookie was keeping itself hidden away. Scratch marks littered trees as did large footprints. They seemed to wander aimlessly, and a smaller pair often trailed behind.

You worried for whoever was following the infected.

"Do you hear anything?" You finally asked Caramel Arrow Cookie.

"Not a thing." She shook her head.

Before you could utter a response, a SNAP of a twig made you both stop. Your heads whipped towards the noise. Initially, you saw nothing. Then, slowly, your lantern was lifted.

Infront of you, illuminated, was the very infected Cookie that you saw ages ago. It looked like a hybrid of some sort, with cake hound legs, a snake body, sharp claws on the ends of long arms, and frozen frosting hair. Its eye, with a shrunken pupil, merely stared. It eyed the flame you held with what you could only assume was some semblance of fear.

"We can get out of here.." You whispered softly, slowly inching back towards Caramel Arrow Cookie. ".. as long as the flame stays alight."

"I can carry you," Caramel Arrow Cookie whispered back.

You took the offer. You stepped back a few more times and let her wrap an arm around your waist. She heaved you up and held you tightly. The lantern was still held out, the ever-burning flame making the infected Cookie stay far away.

After a moment, Caramel Arrow Cookie squeezed you tightly before turning around and running. You quickly shifted the arm holding the lantern so that it was now over her shoulder, the flame now behind.

"Are you okay without it?!" You asked, wind blowing in your ears and face.

"I'm fine!" She assured you. "I know this forest like the back of my hand!"

It was true. Caramel Arrow Cookie was expertly weaving her way through the trees, ducking under branches with you and not even getting scrapped. Even as the snow rained down, she didn't seem all too bothered.

That was, until, a large gust of wind came, a branch fell. It knocked you both to the ground with loud shouts of surprise.

The lantern fell out of your hand and to the snow below. For a few tense moments, the flame flickered and then..

Fssh..

It went out.

"No no no no.." You strained against the branch, as did Caramel Arrow Cookie, the both of you desperate to try and get the branch off before..

A low snarl of a something came. Regretfully, you raised your head to look. You heart fell as, finally, Caramel Arrow Cookie managed to shove the branch off. Even as she hastily got to her feet, she faltered in getting her blades upon seeing the thing in front of her.

Guest Artist - Arsenic Anon

The infected Cookie's whole head, and down to the bottom of it's chest had split open. It let out a deafening roar, shaking the trees and making snow fall before it rushed forward at a speed you could hardly see.

"CARAMEL ARROW COOKIE!" You screamed in terror, seeing your beloved friend get slammed against a tree. Like a ragdoll, she was thrown into a pile of snow, causing it to be kicked up. It stalked towards her, its feet crunching the snow beneath it.

Caramel Arrow Cookie, thankfully, reoriented herself, and scrambled up. With her blades, she rushed forward, slashing away at its arms. Despite the fact she made it stumble back, you could see her stumbling as well, having not yet regained her footing. With some panic still clouding your mind, you rushed over to the fallen lantern, picked it up, and chucked it towards the head of the infected.

A loud clang rang through the air, and it threw the infected off even more. It stumbled about before finally regaining its footing. Before it could whip around to look at you, an arrow was shot and imbedded into its side. Caramel Arrow Cookie rushed to slice at it once more, but was quickly tossed to the wayside. The very same thing happened to you just as quickly.

Your head was pounding, and yet you could hear some Cookies on their way. Familiar voices shouted for you and Caramel Arrow Cookie, and you knew that if you and her were to get out of this uninfected, you needed to act fast.

Which was.. easier said than done. The infected Cookie was tossing you two around like ragdolls, making you wonder if you were going to die instead.

Finally, the two of you were tossed away from it, landing beside each other. The infected Cookie began to stalk towards the both of you as you struggled.

"No...!" You gasped, struggling to get up.

"Gh.." Caramel Arrow Cookie trembled as she tried to use her blades to push herself up.

You and her looked at each other, panic in your eyes. You had to make a decision, and quickly.

* This choice will affect your future and Caramel Arrow Cookie's. Decide what will keep you alive and uninfected. * Caramel Arrow Cookie is a member your party! Her infection rate is currently UNKNOWN.

taglist: @speadrunner / @haveneulalie / @queensharotto / @imaginarydreams / @luv-sorrow

[kaorikarma]

Let Your Soul Take Flight

Howard Phillips Lovecraft X Reader

"I'm... starving.."

"Aren't you always?" You tsked, having been caring for him for several days. From the moment you saw him, emotionless and uncaring in a pouring rain shower, you knew he would be difficult; but you hadn't expected just how deeply odd he was.

He hummed, gazing at a wall with what you could only hope was some sort of thoughts processing in his brain.

"Most of the time." His head turned to look at you at an eerie, inhuman swivel while he answered, eyes blank and wide. You shivered a bit, something you hoped he didn't notice.

"Ok, well, let's go for a round three on taking care of that today. Let's try a buffet this time. I can't afford $300 in fast food again." You sighed, noting his doe-eyed expression. He didn't really seem to care if he drained your wallet; hell, he didn't even seem to fully grasp the concept of monetary value.

Feeding him had been a monumentous task. It was first on your list, since he looked frighteningly gaunt and emaciated, but nothing seemed to fill his stomach.

He constantly complained of being hungry, tired, and itchy, though no amount of sleep, food, or anti-itch cream sated him. He just stared at you with those blank, dead eyes.

There was something about him that made you decide to keep trying. He didnt seem to understand anything about society, and you were strongly worried for his well-being otherwise. At first, you had suspected mental health issues, his eccentricities ever-present to a degree of naiveté, but after the several days you'd spent trying and failing to care for him, you began to suspect some inhumanity present in him. His odd movements, insatiable needs, the way you discovered late last night that the cause of his consistent itching was your gaze, he seemed to you too strange to be human.

You plopped down in the chair in front of your bed, which he had promptly taken over before you could direct him to your couch, complaining all the while that the linens were giving him a rash. Head in hand, you watched his brows furrow with unease as you looked him in the eyes.

"You said mostly. So.. what's kept you full in the past, stranger?" He paused for a second.

"Mm... Call me Lovecraft." The words floated lazily off his tongue. He hadn't graced you with his name yet, though he knew yours.

Your eyebrows shot up with amusement. "Well that's certainly a step in the right direction..., Lovecraft. You starting to trust me now?" You chuckled a bit as he seemed to look regretful of the admission, turning to look away from you.

"Ugh...Yuck. My stomach aches when you call me by that name."

You openly face-palmed, albeit playfully.

"If that's your name, what else should I call you?"

He seemed to think for a moment.

"...How..ard..? No.. that doesn't feel right either.. Perhaps you should go back to calling me 'stranger'." He finished, crossing his arms with a deep frown.

"Howard? Hmm.. a bit old-fashioned, but I think it suits you well--" He gave you such a look of incredulous disgust that you sat, slack-jawed; you couldn't recall a single time he seemed to feel so strongly about anything.

"Absolutely not.. It feels too weird... ugh... no..no..." You watched as he pulled the blankets of your freshly made bed over his head, quite literally hiding under the covers, writhing a bit, like he'd been physically wounded by your attempt to call him by name.

Sighing once again, you stood up to pull the covers off his slender frame, but found that he tugged stronger than you could pull your fleecy bed-spread from him.

You sat next to him, dramatically flopping backwards until you were lying next to him, on top of the still-tucked in edge of the bedding.

"So your name must be Howard Lovecraft, huh?"

He made some sort of hissing sound and withdrew further under the blankets, curling into an ill-proportioned, too-leggy ball of a gangly, tall man.

"But you don't like either of those."

No hiss. A good sign.

"What about a nickname?" You looked over at the lump under the covers; had there been no linen divider, your noses could almost touch.

You swore you heard a low grumble in his throat. Not particularly a pleased sound, but it wasn't an aggressive 'no'.

You put a wary hand on where you thought the back of his head would be, feeling his breath catch and his body shiver with the unexpected sensation. He didn't pull away, like you'd thought he would. This was the one of the first times you'd been this close to him, and the first time you'd touched him, even if indirectly, through thick cotton.

You admonished the feeling, letting all the possibly nicknames for 'Howard' run through your head.

"What about... Howie?" You whispered to the ball next to you.

He growled again, this time more than pleased.

Not a man of many words, but as you smiled, happy with with yourself for finding something he liked, he emerged from the blankets, navy hair mussed, but looking overall content with his new namesake.

He reached out an touched the base of your head curiously, as you had done to him, light smile gracing his face.

"Perhaps..is this... affection, you displayed to me?" He asked quizzically, voice soft and slow with all the wonder of a dreaming child.

The moment was gentle, you thought, but you were having trouble focusing on his words with the deep, freezing chill the emanated from his fingertips, making your skin prickle with goosebumps.

You took the icy plunge and braced yourself for discomfort as you embraced him quickly and tightly, head resting in the crook of his neck.

He seemed confused and surprised, arms still where they were a moment ago, helplessly curled around the air.

"Yes, Howie. This is affection."

When his arms finally came down to awkwardly squeeze you, you realized this was the first time you had given him attention in which he responded well; no shivers of discomfort or anxious expressions in sight. He seemed to actually enjoy the embrace, freezing cold and trying to keep your teeth from chattering as you were.

You weren't sure how you'd not realized he was this cold before. Though you'd been staying decently far away from him, you thought that he would eminate this raw polar cold from a distance, yet you'd not felt a single change in the air until you were in his arms.

Though he'd relaxed and began deepening the embrace himself now, you had to pull away out of sheer discomfort, briefly looking down to see your bare skin blue and purple-tinged where you'd touched him for too long.

You hoped he didn't notice, although he looked disoriented after you'd broken the hug off so suddenly, looking a bit upset and ready to cling to you again, so you changed the topic with a gentle smile.

"You didn't answer my question earlier. What's kept you full in the past?" You repeated, knowing he'd already blanked on the question from minutes earlier.

He blinked for a moment, thoughts slowly returning to your prior conversation.

"I've not been full since I was a child. I ate copious amounts of crabs and fish, until I was sated for a few hours." At least he was more open to your probing questions now.

"Wow, your parents must have thought you a real challenge, huh?"

He looked down at you from his high perch with an unnerving gaze, not at all kindly and curious as it was a moment ago.

"I was capable of feeding myself. My parents had nothing to do with it."

"Oh.. ok, then."

You looked down at your feet, shuffling to the other side of the room before he took your hand, unexpectedly. A chill ran through your body, but his touch was so soft and pleading for you to look back at him, you didn't pull away.

"Am I too cold?" He asked, observing the way your fingers reddened in his grasp.

"A bit," you laughed lightheartedly, through half-chattering teeth.

He dropped his hand, ruffling through an inner pocket of his coat until he pulled out thick, woolen gloves.

Pulling them on, he took your hand again.

"Better?" You barely felt the chill of his hands this time. Smiling, you nodded at him.

"Let's go get lunch, Howie."

He let out a low, quiet laugh, accompanied by a near-impercievable smile, that barely reached your ears.

Maybe the third time would be the charm.

°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°

Note: Can be taken as a (long-before) prequel to 'Primal'. I want most of my Lovecraft stories to follow the same essential plot and lore I set up, so they shouldn't have many differences unless it's a request.

Thanks for reading!

June 5th, 2023

-Kaori

[bite-sized-devil]

Piggy Back Rides

You've had a particularly long hard day at RAD. Exhausted and dreading the walk home, you ask your favourite demon brother for a little favour.

Was going to do these in groups, but they just kept getting longer and longer. Apologies my fellow simps, please enjoy them one at a time starting with the eldest and finishing with the youngest.

TW: none it’s pure fluff. GN! MC

Leviathan

Whenever Levi decided to grace RAD with his presence you always made sure you were by his side the entire day. You knew how nervous he was to be amongst his peers, so why not make it easier for him by being his buffer? The only downside was that you were often mentally and physically drained by the end of the day. Luckily for you however, Levi always seemed to know when you reached your limit.

You had just intercepted another lower level demon from encroaching on his personal space and he saw how your shoulders sagged slightly and your voice lost some of it's normal sweetness.

You tried to hide it as you turned back to him, plastering a smile back on your face and giving him a thumbs up. But he knew you to well, he'd made it his own personal mission to uncover everything about you.

It made his chest ache, you clearly cared about him, he could still see your eyes light up when he returned your thumbs up. You were always trying to make him feel better, and do things for him.

He didn't understand why you constantly chose him over his brothers, why it was his face you looked for first whenever you entered a room. How you'd make a beeline straight for him whenever you saw him, smiling like you just won a boss level on one of his games.

His brothers might think he was clueless about others emotions and feelings but he wasn't when it came to you. His sweet, caring, funny, and beautiful player 2. He knew everything about you, including your little crush on him.

Naturally, he was in love with you but you were so perfect! It made him nervous, what if you suddenly realised what a loser he was? And decided you wanted someone who wasn't holed up in their room 24/7. He will admit you had managed to take him to a few cool places when you mentioned you needed some fresh air.

You had been so happy when he'd said he was coming with you, he thought it was cute how adamant you were that he didn't have to if he didn't want to. Blushing like a tomato when he'd taken your hand and dragged you out of his room saying you'd better hurry before he changed his mind.

He hears you quietly sigh when you sit down beside him at your desk. Maybe you need a shoulder to lean your head on, he can help you with that. Reaching out he grabs the side of your chair and drags it towards him.

"Levi!" You squeal making him chuckle softly.

"Lol sorry MC, I just wanted you closer." He says as he wraps his arm around your shoulders. You're so cute the way you try to cover up the blush that is blossoming on your cheeks by putting your hand over your face.

"Do you want to skip out on our last class?" He says to you as he pulls your hands away from your face by grabbing them and holding them in his own bigger one. He's not letting you hide that beautiful blush that is just for him.

You're playing with his fingers, clearly enjoying how his feel interlocked with yours. You look up at him with a smile that makes his head feel dizzy, your pretty eyes so wide staring up at him. He can hear your heart rate increase, it always did when he touched you. He originally thought you had a heart defect, but then came to realise it only increased around him.

"If you want to we can, I'm kind of tired anyway. Do you think, maybe....." You say before trailing off and looking down at your hands intertwined with his.

He removes his hand that's holding yours, taking note of the sudden pout of your lips as he does. He'll remember that late at night, wondering what it would feel like to have them against his own. He grasps your chin tilting your head, making you look up at him again.

"Maybe what MC?" He says, silently hoping you'd ask him to kiss you, even though that's a long shot. He knows how shy you are, one can dream though!

You start to squirm in his grasp, making him grip your chin tighter. You furrow your eyebrows in obvious frustration, you look like an angry kitten. Sometimes he wonders how you haven't been eaten yet? He might have to keep a even closer eye on you from now on. Or maybe he'll just never leave your side.

"I just... Wanted... T'know... You could... G'me.... Piggy back ride?" Your eyes meet his when the words 'piggy back' leave your lips. You look so nervous, like a deer in headlights. He's never said no to you before, but you had never asked for anything like this before either. How could he possibly refuse! You would be pressed against his back... Your arms wrapped around his neck... His hands grasping the backs of your thighs...

He stands up suddenly before he can stop himself. Startling you so much that an adorable little squeak is forced out of you. He needs those things to happen right now, not wanting to wonder anymore about how you would feel clinging to him the whole way home.

"Yes!" He says way to loudly, not that it matters he's already caused a scene in class. Your answering giggle has him reaching to pull you from your seat. This is happening now, no more waiting. He's going to be your knight in shining armour, maybe you would reward your hero with a sweet kiss at the end of his quest. If not, he might take a play from one of those cool anime guys and just steal one.

Likes, comments, and reblogs are so appreciated! 🌻 Please don’t repost, that shit won’t fly here. I’ll annoy the absolute shit out of you. If you would like to join the taglist please fill in my dumb little form.

Tag list: @delphi-dreamin @ariamichel @the-ghost-of-panda

[nivylemongrove]

Asking for money gives me extreme anxiety but TL;DR: terrible mental health, underpaying job, financial stress, dying PC and a combination of long Covid fatigue + burnout makes me unable to do anything. I need help, if anyone can. paypal.me/nivylemongrove More details under the cut.

I work as a TV animator for a small studio that pays less than half the average animator wage in Canada. Only reason I'm staying is I live in a province that has absolutely nothing except part-time retail and construction jobs. Plus, a lot of shady hiring practices make it even harder to get employed. I can't use my PC to work because the hard drive is dying, so I have to draw with my laptop and mouse, which has been destroying my wrist and making me even slower. My wage is based on performance, btw.

I've also been struggling with long covid fatigue since December, constantly being thrown in and out of autism burnout as a result. Taking a simple walk is now so draining I get heart palpitations from it. I can't do anything, and seasonal depression pushed me further down to the point where my mental health has alarmed me. I have friends supporting me (including Sasha) so I'm safe, but this has taken a violent toll on our finances. We had funds we were saving to move out to BC. Those have been cut down 6 folds. They're almost entirely gone.

My plan was to take as many commissions as I could to tally us over and help keep us afloat, but I can't draw. My PC is an inch away from blowing up and I'm just so, so tired all the time. I can't do commissions. So despite my anxieties from receiving money from others, I just need to suck it up and ask for help. I'm disabled, mentally and physically at my limit, with very little access to my dying PC, and I just can't keep going like this. If you read all this, thank you. Any donation or reblogs will be very appreciated.

[seraphicalsuccubus]

y’all my poor fucking mother is so stressed and just purely mentally fucking distraught over the shit my sister is pulling with her that she enrolled herself in fucking therapy

this is the same woman who didn’t understand why I rely on my mood stabilizer the way I do and was convinced I didn’t need it because she doesn’t think I’m bipolar (she does understand now, however)

so for her to come so far as to go make the conscious choice to put herself in therapy, even if it is initially because of this shit my younger sister is putting her through, is huge. this is a ginormous step outside her comfort zone and I am honestly so fucking proud of her for making it.

she called me earlier when she got home from a family event to tell me about some of just what happened there with my sister TODAY, and I missed her call because I was dead asleep and I felt so fucking bad when I heard how distressed and sad and small her voice sounded on my voicemail hours later when I woke up and listened to her message where she said, ‘oh I guess you’re asleep… I’ll try to call you tomorrow then, I know your sleep schedule is weird so I won’t try to bother you again tonight. I love you…’

that being said she just called me crying at midnight (I texted her when I woke up around 9ish to apologize for missing her call but didn’t want to call back at that time because I knew she’d be getting my youngest sister ready for bed and stuff so we agreed to talk tomorrow) because she couldn’t sleep because everything was still just haunting her and keeping her awake and she needed to talk to someone that would understand, and she knew I’d be awake so she called me, and we talked for over 3 hours about what happened today and how she’s feeling and her asking me what I think she should do in regards to all of this because she doesn’t know what to think or how to process any of this shit, until she was so tired and drained after talking through everything with me enough that she decided she would finally try to sleep again.

and I am just so unbelievably fucking sorry for the shit she’s going through and I am so fucking angry, and just absolutely erasing my sister from my existence. she can forget coming with me when I leave. she’s cast aside everyone that cares about her for some guy and turned the whole family against anyone that disagrees with her being with this fucking guy because those of us who see what he really is, get disregarded and ignored because she doesn’t want to hear the truth about the fucking piece of shit she’s dating, and I’m not tolerating it. I have never seen this woman be this vulnerable and exposed in my presence and to have her actually come to me to talk about this shit because she needs someone, and physically hear how beaten down and defeated and just … lifeless she sounded just trying to talk about everything she’s being put through, is absolutely infuriating and heart-wrenching.

if no one else will stand with my mother on this, I fucking will. because that is not the kid I grew up with. that is not the kid I practically raised while my mother was constantly working. I don’t know who the fuck she is anymore. but whoever she is, is not welcome in my presence. and I don’t give a fuck what family members she turns against me for it because if they can’t see what a self-centered, manipulative, little piece of fucking shit she’s become since she met this fucking sleazy ass fucking guy, they clearly didn’t know her well enough to begin with and their opinions aren’t worth shit when they aren’t educated enough to see through her fucking bullshit pathological lying and everything she’s twisted in her fucked up little head to make herself the victim and everyone else who disagrees, the enemy.

[elysiumblue]

Pick a card - Stop worrying! 😄

Hi. Things do be happening recently so I feel that it will be helpful if I do a general reading on helping you to stop worrying on something.

The messages of this reading are more specific than expected, so don't force the messages to fit if it's not right for you. You can always choose another pile or another reading. Also the messages are quite heavy so don't read it if you're not ready for intense messages.

Anyway, I hope this reading can help you to stop worrying about things and create something better in the future.

👇🏻 Pick an emoji that you felt drawn to 👇🏻

And find the corresponding reading for you below!

Pile 1

I can see that you're at your breaking point. You're so mentally, or maybe even physically drained. It feels like the weight of the whole world and your whole past is crashing on you, and you have zero idea how to deal with this situation.

Idea. All you need is an idea to get out of all this crap, and to be more precise, a new idea. I can see some of you are currently suffering from being screwed over by fake friends, backstabbers, or suffering the consequences of that kind of situation. You're so tired of having to deal with stupid people constantly, and hey, this is where the problem lies. You're surrounded by crappy people and this is why you cannot get out of this nightmarish state. You need to talk to better people.

You need to meet and talk to wise people, such as a teacher, a spiritual advisor, a priest, or maybe even your own father. I can see that they're probably a male and are older than you. The older people part may not match your situation but I can feel it strongly that they are a male. If you're not able to talk to someone physically, then you should read some new books or videos and receive new ideas from those people. Anyway, that wise man will teach you how to get out of the situation and become a better person living a better life. Even if they're not helping with your situation directly, there will be something they tell you that will give you a lightbulb moment, and set you free from the situation. He will make you realize your worth again, and remind you that you don't need to be stuck with those losers to make your life work, because you are always good enough on your own.

If you're working on a new project and are worrying about how can you pull it off without the "help" of those "friends" and "allies", you should really stop worrying about the consequences of cutting them off because I can see that there will be better people connecting with you after you ditching those losers. They may not be as experienced as the people you are with now, but they have the passion and most importantly, they will not screw you over. They may not look friendly or may be the type that doesn't want to make friends, but it doesn't mean that they're here to make enemies. Sometimes, you don't have to be friends with your partners to make things work. You both just have to focus on the same goal, put more effort in the goal and less effort in making drama instead.

Pile 2

I can see that you're mourning the loss of someone, who is/was probably a female. They can be still alive or not. I can hear a very specific situation that someone is being haunted by the loss of their mother and is having nightmares about it. For some of you, it can be a breakup.

Anyway, I can see that you're not living in the present. You're still fixating on the past and you really have to move on. Memories are just memories in your brain and sometimes they're not even that real. The more you hold on to them, the more distorted they become, like a worn out book you read too many times, or an old photo that you take out to look at for too many times. The past you think that is beautiful, may not be as beautiful as they are. Also, going back to the past is not an option in this world. You can only move on and move further away from the past as time goes on. It will be better for you if you focus on being optimistic and creating a better future, instead of holding onto the past.

Believe in yourself. You can be happy on your own and create something great that's truly belongs to you, and will never leave you. What you truly owns can be with you for the rest of your life, like achievements and talents. I can hear a very specific advice that you should try make a movie of your life, and it will lead to great success. Anyway, don't be a slave of the past, and also anyone from the past. You always have control over your own life. Time to discover your true self and write your own story.

Pile 3

The situation I see for pile 3 is quite specific, so if it doesn't fit, this is not your pile and you can choose another one/ another reading.

You are extremely jealous of someone. It feels like their beauty or their talent is shining so bright that it hurts your eyes and their existence is reminding you how useless you are. You really want to do something to get rid of the negativity this person brought to your life so your mind can finally be at peace. However, I can see that the approach you're planning to use is not really nice. For some of you, you may be the one that is receiving the jealousy and it's a heads up for you to tell you someone is plotting some not so nice things on you. If this is the case, then just read this message in a different perspective.

This reading is to remind you that your tricks will not work as it is not backed up by the universe. It will be better for you to give up your plans because it will not work the way you wanted anyway, so giving up is the best option.

You probably feel very hurt by this person, but you have to remember that they are doing anything to hurt you. They are using their gifts and it shall not be a reason for them to be punished. Everyone is gifted in something but it will be harder to find your gift if you focus too much on why you're so bad at something. Instead of plotting on them, use the energy to better yourself. Even if your talent is the same as them, and it seems that you are not able to be better than them no matter how hard you try, it still doesn't mean that you should give up on yourself. Sometimes you just happen to meet a genius that is sent to earth to be good at that thing. But it still doesn't mean that you should stop trying, because life is not a competition. If doing that thing is what makes you happy, then continue doing it. Focus on the joy it brings you, instead of comparing yourself to others. Only you can make yourself happy and that person is worse than you in doing this.

[fiction-boys-rule]

To Just Be

Pairing: Eliot Spencer/Reader (non gender specified)

Warnings: slight swearing, mental health topics, fluff

Summary: Your mental state takes a turn and you find yourself slipping back into bad habits. Eliot helps to comfort you and the both of you spend a cozy night together.

The music seems too loud in the small space of your bedroom but the thought of silence perturbes you more. The mattress is too soft but not hard enough at the same time. The feeling of your clothes on your skin is driving you insane. You are too cold and too hot at the same time, the only movement in the room being your fan and your feet adjusting the sheets every few minutes. 

You’re overstimulated, to say the least.

The phone in your hands is warm from using it for the past few hours. You can’t seem to stop your hands from doom scrolling. 

Down, down, down. 

What was the trick that the podcaster said? Ask yourself what the last three videos were about to see if you are doom scrolling? 

Shit.

Different ideas pass through your mind, in a blur. Ideas about better things you could be doing to comfort yourself in this state instead of worsening it. There’s that new book you’ve been meaning to read, your favorite childhood movie, the stack of coloring books you bought a few months ago…

That’s all they are, fleeting thoughts and ideas. Pulling yourself away from the phone screen and leaving your bedroom is a daunting task. You want to sleep and be transported into a mental state of nothing, but you aren’t physically tired enough yet.

A soft knock on your bedroom door makes you jump. It cracks open, revealing a curious Eliot.

“Hey, sweetheart. I thought you weren’t home yet.”

“Oh, hi.”

“Were you asleep?”

You glance guiltily at your phone, “No,” you answer meekly.

“You didn’t hear me calling you?” “I guess not.”

He holds his stare for a bit longer than you are comfortable with.

“Bad day today?”

“I’m just tired.” you lie.

Eliot’s feet hesitate in the doorway and you know he doesn’t believe you. He knows you probably just don’t want to talk about it right now.

“I’m going to get started on dinner, okay?”

“I’m not hungry.”

Your response comes out quicker than you intended.

Eliot frowns and eventually asks, “Are you sure?”

“Yeah.”

You feel your stomach clench in protest at your response. You just don’t have the energy to deal with eating. 

“Okay, alright. I’ll be in the kitchen.”

He slowly closes the door and you sigh.

Part of you feels bad for lying to him, but you’re so drained from the week it intimidates you thinking about having to explain yourself when you don’t even know what’s going on in your own mind. You want to comfort yourself in some way and have some sort of routine but you can’t decide what to do and it’s driving you crazy. You feel lost, both in the short and long term. 

You have been thinking of where your professional life is going, the endless chores and errands, and the state of the world that you’re constantly being bombarded with on social media. You feel hopeless and nothing in your everyday life is helping you get out of it. 

There’s been no specific trigger to your emotions, and you suspect that is the biggest stressor for you. It all started during your commute to work in the morning. You couldn’t choose music to play for the life of you and ended up resigning yourself to a quiet drive in order to not be running late.

During your lunch break you decided to visit one of your favorite cafes nearby. When you walked in and started to run through the different options on the menu, your mind went blank. Nothing seemed remotely appetizing, not even your usual favorite. When the barista called you over to order next, you panicked and ended up choosing the first option you saw. It was only afterwards that you realized what you had ordered and ended up doing a walk of shame back to your workplace. You drank the drink hastily to not have it go to waste, but it was a chore nevertheless.

During your commute back home, in silence once again, you encountered many terrible drivers and the closer you got to home, the more your mood soured. 

Upon entering your living space, the reminders of future chores and errands that needed to be done were enough of a nuisance to send you surrendering into your bedroom. 

Now a few hours later, here you still are. Your mind barely registers the now dark room and now you understand why Eliot seemed so concerned.

You distinctly register the sound of pots and pans and remember Eliot’s cooking. Almost on cue, your phone appears with a video of a delicious looking recipe and your stomach grumbles.

Using every ounce of energy you have left, you put your phone down. Your eyes stare up at the ceiling. Your mind is racing but hardly any of the thoughts are concrete or discernable. You just want a distraction, some way to lose control.

You sigh and sit up in your bed. Your back and neck protest from your previous position and you groan slightly. You don’t want to talk much tonight, but you figure you can try your best.

You make a quick trip to the bathroom before slowly continuing to the kitchen. Eliot is playing some old country music softly, the soft ambience and cooking sounds soothing you almost instantly. The overhead light isn’t on, just the stovetop, and you are extremely grateful. The smells pull you in further and your feet are moving before you can stop them.

Eliot turns at the sound of your approach.

“Hey, darlin’.” he greets softly.

“Hi.”

“I know you said you weren’t hungry, but I’m making your favorite. Didn’t want the food to go bad.”

Eliot sounds very unsure of himself at the moment, and it throws you off a bit.

“Thank you.”

He follows your lead of the conversation and doesn’t push you further. His attention returns to the pan and you watch attently as his hands add more ingredients.

“Go on and have a seat. It’s almost ready.”

You wish you could thank him more verbally, but you hope he knows your appreciation runs deep.

You stroll over and sit at the dining table, watching his back and the way he moves in the space. After a while, he plates and strolls over to you. 

“Here you go, baby. I hope you like it.”

You nod and gingerly start to handle your utensils. He eventually sits and you both enjoy the peaceful environment. Once you’ve both finished, he picks up your plates and cleans off the dining table. He surprises you by turning the stovetop light off and heading to the living space. At your confusion, he holds both of your coats up.

“I think we should go get dessert.”

You smile and nod. You stand from your chair and meet him in the space. He gently turns your body and clothes your body with the coat. You can tell by his body language he wants to touch you, but is unsure. Your hands reach out and wrap around his middle, making him reciprocate. His chin settles on the top of your head and he sighs heavily in contentment.

You both pull away after a few moments and head out the door shortly thereafter. You find yourselves sitting on a park bench enjoying your favorite desserts. The park is calm, and the surrounding area holds little to no people. The fresh nighttime air has allowed your mind to come back to the present and you feel refreshed, even if it is just a little bit. 

You return to your home afterwards and now you are able to look at your space in a different perspective. Eliot takes both of your coats off and hangs them up. He leads you to the couch and has you settle yourself before retreating into the hall. You are confused until you see him return with a basket of your self care items that you keep organized. 

He sits next to you and hands you your favorite face mask and headband. You put your headband on and are about to stand when Eliot takes the mask from you.

“Here, turn around.”

You do, and your heart flutters as he places the face mask on you. He adjusts it a few times before leaning away and nodding. To your surprise, he moves in closer and hands another one to you with another headband. It takes you a few seconds to realize he’s asking you to do the same. Your chest warms, and you will your hands to move. You take your time, relishing in touching his face and gazing softly into his eyes. Once you finish, you lean back and giggle softly. He smiles, holding your hands. 

“Now we match,” he says.

“Yes we do.” you whisper.

Eliot isn’t the biggest fan of watching tv, but he scrolls through different options until settling on an old animated children’s movie. You both move into each other’s spaces and find comfortable positions. Slowly, you feel yourself drifting into a peaceful state. His hands on your body and his warmth are steadily inducing you into a sleepy mood.

He catches your body’s signals and pats your side softly.

“Come on, let’s go to bed.” he whispers.

You wish to prolong your night, but you find yourself agreeing nonetheless.

He stands and accompanies you to the bathroom. Together, you prepare for bed and fall into your usual separate  routines. You are in bed first, too tired to follow your more thorough nighttime routine. Eliot joins you soon after, his arms caressing you. 

You decide to speak your thoughts before falling asleep. You hope your true feelings and emotions shine through your exhaustion.

“Thank you for everything. Thank you for taking the decisions away and just letting me…I don’t know, just be. I don’t know what’s wrong, but this helped. To just be.”

You stay in silence for a few beats, not expecting a response. You are glad you were able to express your thoughts, even if you don’t exactly know how to explain them.

“I’ll always be here for you. Just tell me, I’m always happy to just be with you. You don’t need to think or talk, you can just be with me. That’s all I need, just you. Nothing else.”

You squeeze him a little tighter at his words, and they allow for your body to finally slip into sleep fully, able to just be.

[lcvernat]

I’m Sorry | Natasha Romanoff x Fem!Reader

Request: Hey :)

Idk if you’re doing requests or not but if you are…

I wanna ask if you can please do a Nat x TeenR with Angst or Nat x femR with anxiety

Tbh as long as it has Angst in it :)

You dont have to give me any recognition for it as long as you tag my bestie @romanoffs-widow in it bc she loves this type of thing 🥰 thanks!

Word Count: 2.3k

Content Warnings: definitely very angsty, anxiety, panic attacks, overall bad mental health + pls read at your own discretion!

A/N: hi anon! i chose to go with nat x fem reader for this request :) i hope that’s okay!! and i hope your bestie enjoys <3 + for everyone out there who suffers from anxiety i hope this fic gives you some sort of comfort and just know you’re not alone, i promise you, and my dms are always open if you need someone to vent to!

Living with anxiety was like having a shadow following you constantly: you could never get rid of it, could never quite catch a break. It convinced you of things that you knew logically couldn't be true, but that didn't matter because your brain couldn't help but believe in it and send you spiraling. It made you second guess and overthink everything, and it made the simplest of daily tasks impossible. Sleeping was really the only time that you were free from the torment that was your thoughts.

You never quite fit in anywhere. Your friends quickly became tired of you bailing on them at the last minute when they invited you out, so they eventually just stopped inviting you. You couldn't quite blame them, but you didn't know how to explain that the very prospect of going outside made you feel so violently nauseous you spent most of the morning sitting on the floor of your bathroom beside the toilet, and then every time you ended up cancelling because you just. Couldn't. Do. It. And you felt pathetic for it.

All you wanted was to be normal. To make these thoughts go away. To stop freaking out about every single thing. Yet they never went away, no matter what you did. The physical symptoms had to be the worst to deal with. You could manage the thoughts sometimes, could ignore them sometimes, but the nausea, sweating, shaking, and the constant feeling of something being stuck in your throat was a nuisance to deal with. You felt so drained from it some days that all you wanted to do was lie in your bed and cry.

Oddly enough, the only time you felt solace was on missions with the Avengers. You had to be focused, with one specific goal in mind: the mission objective. It left no room for your anxiety to manifest, and it was one of the only times you were free from its grasp, despite it defying all logic - death-defying missions should’ve been the one thing that elicited anxiety in you, but it didn’t, and instead simple, mundane tasks such as going to the grocery store seemed catastrophic. It was stupid.

Through the Avengers Initiative you met your girlfriend, Natasha Romanoff, and she made everything better. You’d told her about your anxiety, knowing you couldn’t keep it a secret from a super spy who would inevitably find out, and despite you thinking it was pathetic because she had gone through so much more in her life and had seemingly never been left debilitated by the mere thought of going outside, she assured you that you weren't pathetic, and your feelings were completely valid. She understood you. She didn’t push you, and she didn’t get angry if you had to back out on dates because you couldn’t handle it. She quickly learnt what usually overwhelmed you or triggered a panic attack and made sure you avoided those situations or if you couldn’t avoid it, she’d be there by your side throughout all of it. She knew exactly how to help you when you had a panic attack and she was so loving and patient towards you, you were so eternally grateful for her. You don't know how you had managed to get this lucky, she was well and truly a miracle.

But of course, anxiety just couldn’t let you have good things without poisoning it. ‘She hates you’, ‘you’re literally so annoying’, ‘she doesn’t love you’, ‘she’ll leave eventually because everyone does’ - constant thoughts of self-hatred wormed its way into your mind, despite your best efforts of keeping them out. It got tiring, sometimes, trying to get better, because anxiety had to be one of the most persistent monsters on the planet. It never went away, no matter how hard you tried to make it go away. Your chest constantly felt tight, your hands constantly shook, you felt nauseous nearly all of the time and your mind was on constant overdrive: the thoughts never stopping. You just had to live with it.

Some days were worse than others. Today was a particularly bad day. You didn’t have any energy to get up, and had spent all day lying in bed, scrolling mindlessly on your phone. Nat and Steve had an important and quite dangerous mission coming up, so the redhead had been away all day preparing for it, which meant you were alone in your shared room. It was late evening now, and the room was starting to get dark, but you didn’t have the energy to get up and turn on the light. This morning, the thought of getting up and facing the day was so impossible you were nearly sick, so you just couldn’t do it. You couldn’t battle it today, you just couldn’t.

The sound of the bedroom door opening and footsteps walking in filled the room. The footsteps soon stopped in their tracks though, when they saw that it was nearly pitch-black inside and the light wasn't on. The only light was the screen of your phone, barely visible under all of the covers you had covered yourself with in a desperate attempt to shield yourself from the world. The light switched on then, the room filling with the glaring yellow of artificial light as you squinted your eyes, letting out a grunt of annoyance.

"Y/N?" Natasha's voice sounded cautious, as her footsteps slowly resumed, getting closer to the bed. "Are you okay, moya lyubov?" Her voice was soft as you felt the bed dip with her added weight. Her hand came up to gently remove the covers from your face so she could see you. All you do is shake your head the tiniest bit, such a small action that anyone else would’ve missed, but Natasha didn’t.

“What’s wrong? You can talk to me.”

You frown. That was a tough question. What was wrong? You didn’t know. Nothing bad had happened to you recently to make you feel like this. You didn’t have anything major happening this week that would’ve caused you to feel anxious. You simply woke up today with an insanely overwhelming feeling of anxiety. Worse than normal. There was no actual reason for it. There rarely ever was an actual reason.

Sitting up in the bed, Natasha moving back slightly to give you space, you start to play with the hem of your sweater. “I don’t know,” you mumble almost incoherently, your voice so small and fragile from not being used once today.

Natasha’s gaze softens as her hand reaches out to tentatively take yours. She gives your hand a squeeze. “I’m always here if you need to talk, you know that,”

You inhale, the familiar feeling of your chest tightening an unwelcome accompaniment. God, why were you feeling like this today? Nothing. Was. Wrong. “I don’t-“ Your throat feels tight. You swallow, the object in your throat not loosening, “I just- I need to be alone. Please.”

You never pushed Natasha away. Never. She was your rock, your medicine, your cure. The only thing that could make you feel better. But right now, you needed to be alone. So, it wasn’t surprising when confusion quickly followed by pain flashed across her features. She didn’t say anything, she just simply nodded. Natasha got off the bed, slowly making her way to the door. The soft clicking of the lock sounded as she left.

You couldn’t breathe. You rubbed your chest, but the tightness didn't ease. You clench your fists so tight you know crescent-shaped marks are engraved into your palms. 5 senses. 5 things you see. Hear. Feel. Taste. Touch.

You’re okay. Okay. You’re fine. Nothing’s wrong. You’re okay. You’re fine. Fine. You’re okay. You are okay. Nothing’s wrong.

Nothing.

Nothing.

Nothing.

You hold your head in your hands and cry.

You’d fallen asleep after. Your body and mind so tired you couldn’t stay conscious for another minute. You woke up feeling disorientated and groggy. The light was still on. Checking your phone, you realized it was well past 3am. You bite your lip before running your hand over your face. Chancing a glance at the other side of the bed, it was to no surprise that it was empty.

You felt horrible to think that Natasha never went to bed because you wanted to be left alone. You’re a horrible person. Horrible. You needed to find her. Your body screams in protest as you get out of bed for the first time in ages.

You opened the door, not surprised to be greeted with darkness as the team had clearly retired to bed hours ago. You make your way quietly through the Compound. You don’t know where Nat could possibly be. Unless she was rooming with Wanda tonight to give you space. Maybe she’d be better with Wanda anyway. At least Wanda wouldn’t have to cancel on dates because she couldn’t do it.

No. Don’t be stupid. Nat loves you; you know that.

You decide to check the kitchens first and are thankful that you don’t need to explore any further because there she is: sat at the kitchen island, a cup of coffee in front of her. She turns at the sound of your footsteps, and her eyes widen when she realizes it’s you.

Natasha is in front of you in an instant. She doesn’t touch you. She doesn’t say anything. You play with your fingers nervously. You look down at the ground as you attempt to gather your thoughts.

“I’m sorry,” you start, your voice shaky. Natasha interrupts you before you have a chance to continue by gently lifting your chin to get you to look at her.

"You have nothing to be sorry for," she says softly.

Frustrated tears spring to your eyes. Frustration at yourself and for feeling this way, for not knowing how to fix it, and pushing Natasha away too. God, you hated yourself sometimes.

"I do," you say, "I'm sorry for pushing you away, you didn't deserve that. I'm sorry for being like this for no reason because my life really isn't all that bad, you know? People have it worse and yet they aren't anxious messes all the time. You've had it worse, and you manage fine. I don't know why I'm like this and I hate it and I'm so-"

You cut off, unable to continue because the object in your throat has gotten bigger, preventing any words from getting out. You can't breathe again, and tears are streaming down your face. The next thing you feel is Natasha's arms wrapping around your body. You wrap your arms around her as tight as you possibly can while your head goes to rest in the crook of her neck and all you can do is just cry.

Cry because everything's been too much recently, too overwhelming, your mind has been a hellscape that you can never escape from, and it's just gotten too much to handle. So, you let it all out, you cry, and Natasha holds you through it all; her arm rubbing up and down your back, a steady rhythm to comfort you.

You don't know how much time has passed since you've stopped crying. Your throat is dry and sore, your cheeks are stained with tears and Natasha's shirt is wet from where you've cried. You pull away, hands reaching up to wipe away your tears, but Natasha gets there first. She dries your cheeks with her thumbs, her touch so gentle and tender as she cradles your face in her hands.

She kisses the tip of your nose and your nose scrunches in response.

"Don't ever say you're sorry for feeling the way you feel, okay?" She starts, her voice soft yet said with so much conviction you nearly start crying again, "Your feelings are completely valid, you are not a burden, or a mess, or anything else that your brain tries to convince you that you are, because none of it is true. You want to know the truth? All of us are messes, really, and it doesn't matter whether someone has it worse or not because we're all going through our own shit and battling something on our own and it is still completely valid even if you think your battles aren't valid. Some people are just good at hiding it. I am so sorry you have to battle this anxiety all of the time, and I know it must be exhausting, but you are the strongest person I know, okay? You will get through this, and you will get better. Whether it takes months or years, you will get better, and I will be right there by your side all throughout it. Some days will be worse than others, but I know you and I know that you can get through it, and you know you can go to me for anything. I love you so much, you know that right?"

Tears have sprung to your eyes again, but this time for an entirely different reason. Complete love and adoration for the redheaded woman that is currently cradling your face in her hands fills all of your senses. You nod, a smile making its way onto your face for the first time in a while.

"There's that smile I know and love," Nat says softly, returning your smile as she pulls you in for a hug again. Your smile widens as you lean back to kiss the love of your life.

You break apart to lean your forehead against hers, "I love you so much, you're the best girlfriend ever," you whisper against her lips.

"No, you're the best girlfriend ever, and I love you most."

It was 3am, you were standing in the Compound's kitchen wrapped in your lover's arms, but that was when you knew that every single word that came out of Nat's mouth was true. Even if you wake up tomorrow and have to battle your anxiety all over again, Natasha will be right by your side throughout it all. And you'll get better someday.

Maybe not today, but someday. And that was enough.

tags: @sheneonromanoff @olicity-boo @r4nd0mgir1 @tigerlillyruiz @dj-bynum3718

dm me, send me an ask or reply to be added to my taglist!

[mshroom1e]

Hello! It's my first time requesting but I loved ur azul fic omg. Can I please have azul x gn! Reader where azul maybe comforts the reader because they can see they're really tired and always sleeping in and just not feeling all that great mentally. (Depression episode I suppose) if you dont want to write something depressing that's alr! Then maybe just like headcanons of napping with azul u can make it crack if u want I dont mind. Whatever ur comfortable with! If u like neither feel free to not do this request that's alr. Thank you :) have a good day and week ♡

Hello, thank you so much for the request!! I'm sorry it took so long for me to answer but I hope you enjoy it. I really liked writing the hcs stuff and can't wait to do more of them in the future. Finally, I hope I did well portraying how Yuu feels throughout this.

type: fanfic/hcs

Summary: Yuu hasn't been feeling the best and Azul tries his best to help with feeling better. Comfort, followed by some headcanons.

1.3k words

tags: reader receiving comfort, fluff

Warning(s): Depressive Episode

Life at NRC was rough. Everything went as swimmingly as a house on fire and you were completely drained. Exhausted.

Getting out of bed was much more of a hassle than it should've been. You were constantly exhausted, already having had enough of the day despite it just being started. No matter how much you tried, your body wouldn't cooperate and just flop back onto the bed. You were late to class on most mornings, and on the days you did manage to make it on time, you were in a vicious battle with sleep and always seemed to lose. The persistent tiredness and overall low mood made you feel, to put it plainly, like absolute shit.

On one particular morning, you couldn't find it in yourself to get out of bed. Virtually, you had given up. All that was left of your little remaining willpower diminished. Dissipated.

Azul noticed the lack of your presence instantly. He usually passed by you in hallways before class, always smiling at you or greeting you as you crossed paths. It was unusual to never see you at all during the day. He realised your worsening mental and physical conditions a few days before you didn't show up at school, but thought it was just him seeing it as no one else he asked seemed to notice at all. He was extremely worried, but for the life of him, he couldn't think of what to do to help you in any good way.

Concern for you became full-fledged worry as you were nowhere to be seen at the Mostro Lounge. About a week prior, you promised Azul that you would meet up with him at the lounge to spend some time together once it closed as you were both too busy to see each other during the day. At first, he thought it was just a simple case of being stood up on a date, but something inside him told him it was something more than that. Something he needed to help with.

So that's why Azul found himself in front of the rickety Ramshacke dorm, a bag of bits and bobs in tow, all gathered to make you feel better. The outside door was unlocked, which made sense as it was still during the day. He let himself into the dorm's entrance, greeting the air as he entered.

"Pardon the intrusion..." Azul gently pushed your bedroom door with his foot, arms full of all the items he brought in the hopes of making you feel better.

He carried mostly snacks, medicine, in case you were sick, blankets, a few oversized clothes since he knew how much you loved wearing them, and other things he thought you might need.

The human-sized lump under the covers of your bed was enough to tell Azul where you had been the whole day. His shoulders slumped as he set down the bags and carefully approached you.

You lay on your side, face almost completely covered by your blanket. You weren't even able to muster the strength to greet Azul when he walked into the room as you stared straight ahead, eyes glazed over and staring at nothing.

"Yuu?" He called out your name and placed himself on a spot next to you on the medium sized bed, the mattress slowly dipping under the new mass on top of it.

If Azul was being completely honest with himself, he had no idea what to do. He was so used to only relating with the majority of his peers due to his deals and other shady business that he gained such little emotional intelligence.

When you didn't reply, he settled for placing a hand on where he assumed your shoulder was, as if to let his prescence be known by you and for you to know that you weren't alone anymore.

Azul sat with you for a few minutes before you reached out of the blanket bundle and softly wrapped your hands around his torso, pulling him towards you in some sort of awkward hug. His eyes widened a fraction before he relaxed and allowed you to hold him.

There was a little more awkward shuffling before you ended up with your head on his shoulder and hands clutching onto the back of his uniform tightly. He leaned back onto the headboard and let your body weight rest on himself. He figured he would just wait until you were happy enough to start talking, so he slowly rubbed circles on your back as he felt his shoulder become damp.

Your silent tears became sniffles and sobs as you could finally release all the emotional constipation you felt. As you cried, you practically latched onto Azul like a koala, hugging him as you imagined Floyd would "squeeze" people.

His body was more cool than warm. Frequent hugs and touches with Azul taught you that his body didn't regulate its own heat at all, meaning he was always cold to the touch and today was no exception. Despite the chilling cold, he was still comfortable to lean against. His lack of warmth was made up by your own.

After your sobs and sniffles reduced, you pulled away from Azul, your face a few inches away from his and your eyes looking to the side.

"I'm sorry..." you started, "about all this."

Azul's eyes softened. He felt something inside him sting at the state you were in. To him, you were a beacon of light. Your presence was enough to give him a reason to keep going. Always managing to shine brightly despite whatever life threw at you. But no pillar lasts forever. Even the most formidable were due to crumble sooner or later. However, it can remain standing and in good condition when taken care of and supported in the correct way. And that was exactly what Azul was going to do.

He may not have the best way with words outside his deals and shady transactions, but he knew he could support you by listening and doing his best to take care of you until you were able to pick yourself back up and continue being as brilliant as you always were.

Azul would be so awkward but try his best when comforting someone.

Awkward back pats all the way

I imagine that he wouldn't say much, but his comforting actions are enough to make his s/o feel a lot better.

Definitely cancells whatever he's doing to make time to spend with you.

He'd have a list somewhere of all the things you like. From your favourite snacks to what takes your mind off things the most.

He wouldn't blatantly ask about your likes though, he'd probably watch the way you interact with things for a while and then ask you if you like those certain things.

Speaking of his list, he has a cute notebook dedicated to you since studying is what he does best.

He would use his cooking skills to make your favourite comfort dish.

Would smile genuinely when you compliment his cooking but would try to hide it behind smirking while adjusting his glasses, like he usually does.

Once you're done eating, you would play board games together and watch your eyes light up with a huge dopey smile on his face.

He'd maybe lose on purpose just to see you cheer up after gaining a victory. He might do that once in a while but don't expect him to always go easy on you, especially when you notice him letting you win or if you love competition.

Sucks at acting so you can definitely tell when he's pretending to lose

Is pretty good at hugs

His body feels cold to the touch, because octopus, but its a comforting kind of cold he radiates.

If you're shorter, he places his head on top of yours when you lean against him and if you're taller, you rest your head on his shoulder or he rests his head on yours.

"You have absolutely nothing to apogise for. You deserve so much for all that you've done and I wish that whatever appreciation that others don't show you, you should be the one to show yourself."

[cr-noble-writes]

So its already looking like Christmas is going to be a massive bust this year for us. And honestly? I'm fine with that. I am okay with not being able to afford to spend a fuckton of money on presents for the kids, because for the most part, my kids don't actually care about how much things cost. They just think its cool to get stuff they like. And the reality is that we've spent enough of their lives struggling financially, that they understand that sometimes, we just don't have the money. Because while I do my best to make sure they know its never their fault or responsibility, I also don't lie to my kids about important things.

What's really bothering me about all this right now is how upset my mom is about it. (For those of you who don't already know this, I live with my mom for financial reasons, my mental health, and her physical health). And the reason she's so upset about it is because the reason we're struggling financially right now is because my brother, who is in prison, is a fucking hole in her pocket. Over the last year or so, she's literally drained her savings trying to keep this dumbass out of trouble, or get him out of one kind of trouble or another that he's gotten himself into. He asks her for money literally every time he calls. And she's afraid to tell him no because she's afraid that something terrible is going to happen to him if she doesn't give the money to whoever tf.

And I am just... so fed up and angry. Because I don't even know if I believe the bullshit he tells mom to get this money sent to people. And I try not to be frustrated with my mom because I get that she's just trying to protect her kid but like... when does it stop? When do you make him be responsible for his own bullshit? When do you stop breaking yourself financially, physically, and mentally for this? When do you remember that he's not the only fucking one of your kids that needs you?

When do I get to stop being worried that my brother is going to get himself killed in a maximum security prison and also that my mother is going to kill herself trying to keep him safe?

I know I don't typically talk about my personal bullshit on tumblr, but its 5:30 in the morning at the beginning of yet another holiday season that my brother is spending in jail. And my mom spent half of last night crying because she can't afford to buy Christmas presents for her grandkids.

I'm so tired of it. I am so, so tired of cleaning up other people's messes. I am so tired of always having to hold it together. I am so tired of constantly trying to figure out what to do while also knowing there's nothing I can do because I cannot control my brother and I cannot control my mother.

I am so fucking exhausted. I'm just so god damn tired.

Anyway. Sorry for the personal dump. And thanks for listening.